#this visual is kinda killing me sorry đ
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When Mojo Jojo gets high do his eyes turn a normal color
#contender for my worst post but fuck it#this visual is kinda killing me sorry đ#ruby rambles#weed mention#đ: loving you's a felony#ppg#main tag fuck it
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rip jungkook (and also maybe jin) when he reunites with the mc and realizes what has happened in the meantime... I hope you donât feel pressured one way or the other on who she should end up with, personally Iâve had fun with all her romance options although I feel that all of them are to some extent using her to âband-aidâ other issues in their lives. To jk sheâs kinda like a replica of his mother and a person who canât abandon him like his family, to jm sheâs a fix to his insecurities about being used and overshadowed by others, to yg sheâs a way to prove to himself that he isnât exactly like his dad (and maybe even acts as a jin replacement?) and it leads to very selfish behavior from all of them. Itâs hard to tell who would have fallen for her if they lived different lives where none of the above are true. I kinda get why jin was so appalled at the idea of her dating anyone from the gangs lol itâd be funny if she was like âIâm sick of everyoneâs bullshit!â and moved on from all of them đ
also idk if youâve heard about the architect vs gardener types of writers but Iâm curious about whether youâve had an ending set in your head from the start (architect) or if youâve let the story take its own course and changed your mind while writing (gardener). if itâs the gardener one Iâll be back when the series ends to ask you to talk to us about other ideas you had along the way!
sorry for the rant, Iâve had these thoughts for some time and let them all out rn lol (also rip namjoon you had too much swag they had to kill you đ)
*visual representation of me ruining my characters lives**
thank you for this in depth analysis!! omg, I really enjoy this type of dialogue with you beautiful readersđ your interpretation is sooo good, her romantic adventures have been so interesting to write. The Jk x Y/n is different from the yoongi x Y/n, and the jm x y/n is just a whole hot mess. I think what I like about jk and yn the most is how youthful their attraction is, even though itâs painfully toxic. Itâs something that doesnât get old. Thereâs still a lot left unsaid there, Jungkook broke it off because Y/n could not grow past where the relationship had ended. And Jin has every reason to not want her with any of them, he grew up with them and knows their bullshit very well. Thatâs the one area he truly cares about Y/n, he genuinely doesnât want her to be with them, his heart is there at least.
I wonât even touch on Jimin lol. Yoongiâs though, it took MONTHS for me to bring them together. Like even I was feeling awkward during some of their scenes. But I eventually got a flow the other day!! Things just started to fall into place in my mind and Iâm happy with how it come outđ„č I think you said it best, being with her is a way for him to prove that heâs not like his father. Itâs a bit ironic. Heâs having to revert back to his old ways, similar to his fatherâbut in terms of his love life? Or lack there of, heâs done a 180 and thatâs what I really like about their dynamic
Iâve actually never heard about that!! But thatâs so cool, I am definitely an architect (with gardener tendencies) đđ from the very beginning, since the prologue, it was always going to be Yoongi falling for her. As Iâve written, there have always been pivotal moments that I plan, and then I just have to write myself there. Itâs a bit chaotic but it worksđ
NEVE APOLOGIZE FOR THE RANT, Iâm a yapper myself so I love to hear different perspectives and share my own. I actually really appreciate it so muchđ
đ©đđ„č yes RIP, he was a real chaotic evil, the ultimate OP of my dreams⊠but in true Namjoon fashion, even in death heâs got his own planâš
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you are sooooo correct in biasing wonwoo and mingyu based off of their looks, SUCH underrated visuals in the industry like literally their face cards never decline đ€ (you donât want to see my dms with my carat friend. mingyu LITERALLY has me in a chokehold)
OMG WE LITERALLY JUST FINISHED THE MOUSEBUSTERS EPISODES!!!!!!! soooo incredibly funny, i loooove that trilogy sm because the introverted line (like jun and wonwoo) are sooo active and hilarious. i cackled at the moment when jun was laying stomach down and kicking his feet and laughing, and hoshi hiding for 2 hours and coming out and immediately getting caught đ theyâre literal comedians
the haunted house episodes are so fun as well!! i was lowkey crushing on one of the scare actors (i think it was the one with the led mask?) the moment when seungkwan i think it was played the unreleased song i DIED
some other episodes i love are their nyc trip (2019 ep 12/13), debate night (2019 ep 19/20, 2020 ep 19/20), the playground ones (2019 ep 24/25) , mystery mystery (2020 ep 1/2), donât lie ofc, the insomnia zero (2020 ep 8/9), human chess (2020 ep 16/17), four wheel rider (2020 ep 21/22), the ad libs (right after wheel rider)
sorry if this is a long list đ
iâm kinda addicted to idol variety shows between gose and run bts đ
overall Iâm super predictable so Iâm big fan of hip hop unit and the biggest fan of Whatâs Good (this is song is my fave ever from them) đ Mingyu is honestly mostly cute after I got to watch him some more đ he has his hot moments ofc but heâs like golden retriever fr!
that ep was very funny, hoshi literally got killed the moment he was out after hiding whole time đđđ noo it was hoshi and he was teaching them chore to left & right i think! đ
that me with your list of recommendations
#when i found dont lie episodes I honestly thou that itâs finally something better than even run bts#so Iâm stuck with them now#ask#anon
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More (juicy ;) asks: *If you don't want to answer these please don't feel obligated too. I just think thes go along with what we've been talking about and I'm a curios/nosy person haha. Again don't feel like you have to answer :) OK asks # 28 (even though I don't even have the best idea of what the hell that really means) 29, 30.
Of course Iâm gonna answer! I love talking about stuff, so this is great. I also am so invested in our conversations that I no longer feel tired or have a headache. Haha.
28. Talk about your fetishes:Â I honestly have no idea if I have any. I hate feet, so thatâs a huge hell no there. IÂ don't like dirty talk because itâs awkward... Iâve thought about watching sex happen in the mirror (sometimes just visualize me viewing us helps me out). I am very into arms for some reason. And arm hair (I freaking love my arm hair... not that Iâm attracted to my own arm hair). Those are just a few that I can find right now. Iâm sure there are more. Theyâre fairly innocent, arenât they? Haha.
29. Talk about what turns you on: Itâs actually hilarious. Iâm pretty sure it was after I watched Prince Caspian with my husband and I was just a loose canon afterward. All I wanted was to have sex with my hubby. I can confidently say it happened. And I can bet Caspian shouting âHey!â at Peter started it. Just thinking about it... geez. I am also super into getting back rubs/back scratches. I especially am doomed when the hubby starts rubbing my legs or my butt. Yeah. I like the rubs and scratches. Haha.
30. Talk about what turns you off:Â Smells first and foremost. My nose is sensitive to everything. I can smell when towels are starting to go bad. I was able to smell problems in the house we lived in before. Bad breath kills me. I want nothing to do with kissing or being close if thereâs bad breath. Honestly, kissing is kinda a turn off. I canât focus on enjoying the sex when Iâm kissing. I need full concentration! Haha. Smoking is another huge turn off because itâs bad and stinks.
I also realized that I have a friend on here who knows me and my husband well and is getting a very in-depth look into our lives. Sorry, friend, if youâre reading any of these. đ
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So sorry for the obnoxiously long streamline of thoughts:
GET YOU A FRIEND LIKE YIREN âi donât fawn over your future husbandâ FINALLY SOMEONE WHO GETS IT
Crushing on him for THREE YEARS poor y/n đ not three years thatâs miserable haha imagine calling a three year crush âa stupid crushâ đ (actually me in high school⊠this fic is too relatable so far)
65 alone in a cottage in the woods actually DOES sound enjoyable, but yiren is so right that same scenario with minghao đ€ sheâs kinda a genius
âNew, curated outfitâ beautiful writing muah muah CURATED is such a great word
Yiren is so real. Her mind is always on the right things. Girl has a goal and is constantly thinking of a plan to reach that goal. God i love her
MINGHAO?! BOBA DATE so soon đ
JUN AND THE YADA YADA IS SO CUTE IM GONNA DIE
The detail of Jun pressing his head back against the headrest at a stoplight is very important to me⊠itâs such a visual image idk it put in me in the car
This is so unimportant and unreleated but as i was reading i went to go listen to creep but i typed it in my apple music library not all of apple music and it pulled up in love with a creeper by danny gonzalez đ and equally unimportant i just realized the first time i ever heard this was in the new guardians movie
Yiren lost her voice at kareoke???? I love her
Maybe Iâm getting ahead of myself (i know i am) but obviously minghao loves her cause he remembered her jeans aND that she likes cola. Thatâs obviously love. Theyâre basically married already i love that for them
AH ITS THE SCENE ITS SUCH A GOOD SCENE
âYou donât want to be forgottenâ made me take a breather that line was REALLY impactful for some reason
âThe sorry i didnât tell you earlierâ MADE ME SCREAM FUCK THIS IS MAKING MY HEART HURT
NO NOT YIREN TOO I WONT RECOVER
I have a younger brother and heâs great or whatever but i want older brother jun SO BADLY
NONEXISTENT love life yn OPEN YOUR EYES minghao is so in love with her ugh SINGING CREEP IN THE CAR TOGETHER again, basically married??
YIREN COME BACK
YnynynynYN HE BASICALLY ASKED YOU TO MOVE TO KOREA FOR HIM??? MOVE TO KOREA FOR YOUR IDOL HUSBAND??? And your brother anD YIREN stupid i could hit yn right now
OH MY GOD WEEK IN THE KNEES SILENT SCREAM ALMOST FELL OVER YN HAS AN EX?!?! IM NOT BEING DRAMATIC WHAT
OH MY GOD IT GETS WORSE HE HAD THE PINK JACKET MINGHAOS PINK JACKET
WHY IS RENJUN LOOKING AT YN APOLOGETICALLY?!?! IF YOU TELL ME THAT HE BROKE UP WITH YN IM GONNA SCREAM⊠AGAIN
Of course minghao remembers renjuns name HES IN LOVE WITH YOU
Im gonna scream, HE TOOK YN TO THE POP SHOP AGAIN GOD HES SO IN LOVE WITH HER ITS PHSYICALLY HURTING ME
Heâs going swimming with her⊠jesus christ proposing left and right and shes blind to it⊠WHERE IS YIREN
HE SENT JUN THE VIDEO HAHA IM LAUGHING so funny he wasted ZERO time
Physical touch in fanfics makes me feral. HES NOT JUST CHECKING TO SEE IF YOURE SWOLLEN YN GOOD GOD read a magazine HE WANTS TO TOUCH YOU đ
MINGYU DOESNT MAKE THEM THE SAME AS YOU?!?! MINGYU?!?! Y/n i canât do it with you anymore heâs so obvious
AnOTHER comment about moving to korea⊠yn⊠i canât do it
TAKE PHOTOS FOR HIM OH MY GOD iâm realizing right now just how romantic-absent my life is. Iâd so seriously marry someone if they were treating me like this
THE CAPTION IS EVEN A CREEP REFERENCE. YN AND MINGHAOS SONG- oh my god i swear to god i wrote that before i read yn refer to it as their song too. I SWEAR
Minghao has me screaming I canât even articulate how angry i am at him right now.
I missed Yiren and her infinite knowledge. Sheâs so perfect
Okay okay okay i know minghao is like wildly in love with yn and i know that but also⊠YES YN FUCK AROUND try to fuck minghao out of your system PLEASE I LOVE THAT TROPE
Jun is killing me. HES SO CUTE
Minghao fight had me angry exhaling, but the Jun fight just felt like hot drama. I was like damnn. A brat?!?! Yes sis dish haha
YESYESYES IM SCREAMING I TOLD YOU HES IN LOVE WITH YOU YN
I love yn sheâs so real for her emotions
jianing⊠flying to korea is so yiren level thinkingâŠ
CURSE THAT EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT MAN IM cryinG SO FUNNY
I might just be stubborn but⊠unpopular opinion Jun shouldâve apologized first. YN TOOK THINGS A LITTLE TOO SERIOUSLY⊠i GUESS but still he was mean
Jun and y/n are cute⊠love the sibling coffee date đ«
No one is NEARLY surprised enough to see yn SHE FLEW UNANNOUNCED TO KOREA. Yâall are crazy
Im gonna die⊠zu i only have so much self control minghaoâŠ
THIS FIC WAS SO CUTE I CANT BELIEVE ITS OVER đđ I LOVED EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IT WAS A WHOLE OTHER WORLD AND IT WAS SUCH A PERFECT WORLD This really made me miss high school, idk
the letter â x. minghao x reader
i hope one word, one letter, will laugh and cry with you (the letter / ateez)
description. in which youâre jun's little sister and have been pining for a man so close yet so out of reach for ages. now, years later, when you see minghao all grown up, famous, and still making your heart flutter, you're not so sure what to do about your not-so-little crush.
genres. slowburn, fluff, angst, childhood f2l tags. idol!au, alcohol consumption & underage drinking, lots of arguments, Lots of pent up emotions oops, miscommunication, sorta hot headed reader, minghao is minghao and that is a warning enough fic playlist. w/c. 26k a/n. the smut has been moved to a separate post which can be found here! i had so so so much fun writing this! huge thanks to @gyuswhore bc em literally helped me through every step of the way & sat through me planning & switching around the events of the story a bajillion times, and thank u to @honeyhypen who read over this for me ^-^
ENVELOPE
To: Xu Minghao
âWhy are you in my room?â Jun huffs, turning around to look up at you as you stand by his door. In front of him is a massive, yet unfinished LEGO replica of Hogwarts. You frown, glancing at his friend who lays on his bed with a phone up to his face.
Heâs Junâs new friend, and youâve heard your brother talk about him but this is your first time really seeing Minghao in the flesh. Shaggy hair hangs loose over his dark eyes as he peeks over his phone and glances at Jun, as if to silently ask who you are.
âDad says dinner is ready,â you tell him, feeling a little timid under the gaze of the new boy. Heâs only two years older than you, but the only interaction you get with high schoolers is your brother, so youâre feeling shy. Heâs a very nice looking boy, you think to yourself, but try hard not to stare as Minghao uncrosses his legs and sits up on your brother's bed.
Junâs eyes soften when he notices you standing awkwardly, standing up and pointing at you as he says your name. âMy sisterâtwo years younger,â he explains.
âOne point five, actually,â you correct him with a roll of your eyes, feeling more comfortable now that Jun is initiating something. Your brother laughs at you and ruffles your hair while Minghao stands up behind him.
âYa-da, ya-da. Youâre still two grades below, so it doesnât really make a difference. Anyways, this is Minghao,â he says, pointing at his friend behind him who throws you a small smile and wave.
âI know,â you blurt out before you even have a chance to think, heat flushing to your face after you realize what you said and see Minghao give you a funny look. âI-I mean because Jun talks about you a lot,â you clarify, clearing your throat. âYâknow, he doesnât have a lot of friends so whenââ
Jun clamps a hand over your mouth and gently drags you out of the room as Minghao follows behind closely with silent laughter. âThatâs enough from you. Watch it, or Iâm never letting you talk to my friends again.â
âFriends? I think you mean friend,â you retort, looking back at Minghao who watches the two of you amusedly. âAre you sure you want to be friends with someone so mean to his sistââ
Jun flicks your forehead and you push his chest. âShut up already! If you scare away all my friends, all Iâll have left is you, and youâll just have to put up with me all day!â
âYouâre right about that,â you say with a heavy sigh as you all make your way to the dinner table where your father has set out a meal for the three of you. Putting your hands up in defeat as you sit down at your spot at the middle end of the table, you glance at Minghao who takes a seat with Jun sitting between the two of you. âI guess Iâll back off for now.â
Jun scoffs. âYou better.â The three of you laugh together.
Yiren rummages through your closet, and you frown deeply. âHey! You better clean that up,â you warn, rolling off of your bed and onto the floor, lazily standing up.
âIâm helping you pick out a nice outfit! You said Minghao is coming riââ You scramble to your feet to slap a hand over Yirenâs mouth, eyes wide.
âShut up! My brotherâs room is right thereâhe might hear you!â
Yiren rolls her eyes, nudging your hand off her mouth with a huff. âOh my god, donât tell me you havenât told him yet.â
âWhat?â you narrow your eyes at her, grabbing one of your bras that she threw onto the ground and stuffing it back into your closet. âYou thought I was going to tell Jun that I have a crush on his best friend?â you half whisper, half yell.
âUh, why wouldnât you? Youâre seriously missing out on your chance to have him help you get with Minghao.â
You scoff, looking down at all the clothes strewn across the floor. âHave you met my brother? He would flip if I even mentioned being with a guy, let alone that guy being two years older and his friend.â
âYou donât know that,â Yiren retorts, throwing herself onto your bed leaving you to clean up the mess she made.
âYes I do. This is how I can tell you donât have any brothers âŠâ
âWell if you never make a move on Minghao, how are you ever going to get him? You gotta start somewhere, and maybe your brother is the first nut you gotta crack to get there.â
âIf you havenât noticed, I havenât exactly planned on making any moves,â you mumble, reaching down to pick up a cute pink jacket you havenât seen in a while.
âUh, why not?â Yiren piques, sitting upright on your mattress.
âExcuse me, have you looked at Minghao?â you groan, slumping against your wall with the jacket in your hands. âHeâs so ⊠cool, and popular, and handsome,â you gush, and Yiren makes a disgusted face.
âUh, no, sorry I donât fawn over your future husband, so I donât really look at Minghao butââ
âAnd heâs going to be a senior! Why would a senior ever go forââ you look down and gesture at yourself, ââme.â
âYouâre seriously downgrading yourselfâyou know youâre a catch.â
âYeah, not for someone like him,â you snort, flopping down onto your bed next to her. âItâs whatever, itâs a stupid crush anyways.â
âYeah,â Yiren says flatly. âYouâve only been crushing on him for like three yearsâhey! Donât hit me!â
âThen stop saying this stuff,â you groan, throwing a pillow onto her head.
âOkay fine, Iâll stop. So are you going to wear that?â she asks, pointing at the jacket you left at the foot of your bed.
âYeah, I think I will. Itâs cute right?â
âMhm ⊠bet Minghao will totally like it andââ
âYiren, shut up,â you giggle, pushing her again as you roll off the bed. âOkay, so the pink jacket and these jeans?â you ask, picking one pair off the ground and holding it up for her to see.
âMm, no,â she says while shaking her head, standing up to join you as she looks at all of the clothes she threw across the floor. âLetâs see âŠâ she hums to herself.
âYiren,â you say with a laugh, âI think youâre putting more thought into this than me.â
âWell I canât just let my best friend be single and lonely for the rest of her life! If all you do is sit around and listen to Radiohead, youâre going to end up being sixty-five and alone in some cottage in the woods.â
âHey! That actually seems pretty peaceful,â you try to object, but Yiren narrows her eyes in your direction.
âOkay well,â she drawls out, putting her hands on your shoulders so youâre right in front of her, âImagine being sixty-five and living in a cute cottage in the woods with Minghao. Sounds better, doesnât it?â You canât help the giddy grin that makes its way onto your face when Yiren says that, and she punches your shoulder lightly when she notices. âSee, you do want that! So just listen to me, okay?â
âOkay, okay, fine! Just tell me which jeans to wear.â
She looks down, picking through the denim before pulling out a light blue one with little flowers embroidered on the pockets. âLook, this is cute. Itâll match with the jacket.â
You nod along, not questioning her because as far as you know, Yirenâs fashionable instinct stretches much further than yours and whatever she says about this must be true. As you change from your pajamas into your new, curated outfit, Yiren sits back on the bed and grins widely.
âLooks perfect on you. Minghao will love it.â
âYou think?â you pique, looking at her with bright, beaming eyes.
She winks at you and you jump up and down on the balls of your feet at the excitement. âI want at least 25% of whatever you get from your wedding gifts. You both will owe me big time.â
âIâll believe it when it happens ⊠Anyways, you ready to go? Letâs wait downstairs and get some pop while we wait for Minghao to come,â you suggest, Yiren agreeing with a nod as she bounces behind you. Jun, it seems, is still in his room waiting for his friend, so you stick your head through his door. âWeâre going down to snack a little. Wanna come?â
Your brother shrugs, pushing himself off his swiveling chair to join you. âYou know if we still have those cupcakes? The ones you made last week?â
âI think we have a few left. Why? You liked them?â you exclaim happily, turning around to face Jun as the three of you settle in the kitchen. You reach for a box you kept on the island, popping off the lid to show him.
Jun grins and pulls one out and you offer one to Yiren who stands beside you. ââcourse I like them,â he says with his mouth stuffed with cake and cream.
Yiren, shooting a look of disgust his way, says, âEw! Please donât chew and talk, thatâs gross.â Jun rolls his eyes at her as Yiren stuffs her own face with the cupcake, sighing as she digs in.
âWhatever,â Jun grumbles after swallowing it down. âThey taste really good, you should make them more.â
Yiren nods, tapping your shoulder, âAgreed. Send me the recipe too,â voice muffled as she continues to munch down on the cupcake.
âDidnât you just tell me not to eat with my mouth full?â Jun mutters, crossing his hands over his chest. You laugh at the banter and suddenly you hear the doorbell ring, ears perking up. âThatâs probably MinghaoâIâll get the door.â
As your brother makes his way down to the foyer, you turn to look at Yiren. âI would give you the recipe but I donât want to be the reason your house burns down. Seriously, remember the last time you tried baking andââ
âOh my god, is the recipe what youâre thinking about right now? Minghao is just about to comeâoffer him a cupcake! Show him your amazing baking skills and show him what a good housewife you can be!â
You give your best friend a look of bewilderment. âWhat the hell Yiren,â you groan, slapping your hand on your face, trying to hold back your chuckles. âOkay, Iâll give it to him but only because I want him to be impressed. Not because I want to submit myself to misogyny for the sake of a man.â
âOkay fine butâlook!â she exclaims in a hushed whisper. âHeâs here!â You immediately straighten your back and smile when Jun walks back into the kitchen with Minghao. Heâs wearing some loose jeans and a black hoodie, his hair longer than before.
He says your name when he sees you, throwing up a wave and a smile. Minghao then glances at Yiren with a blank stare, pursing his lips together. Yiren chuckles nervously and clicks her tongue while pointing at herself. âYiren.â
âAh. Hi Yiren,â he says politely.
âYou guys want some pop?â Jun offers when he opens up the fridge. Yiren, Minghao, and you nod happily and respectively call out your choices.
âSprite!â
âCola!â
âCola!â
Jun juts his lip out in a pout when he turns back to the three of you. âI wanted Cola too, but thereâs only two left.â Youâre about to furrow your brows and tell him that itâs okay, you donât really want any, but Minghao speaks up before you.
âShe can have the Cola, I donât mind,â he says casually, grabbing one can from Jun and handing it to you with soft eyes. âHere.â
âAre you sure? I donât really care for the difference between Sprite and Cola andââ
Minghao chuckles and shakes his head, and you think you might just pass out when your palm brushes against his knuckles when he eases the cold can into your hand. âSeriously, itâs fine,â he tells you. You glance at Jun and Yiren who are busy opening their own cans, turning your attention back to Minghao.
âThank you ⊠Uh, do you want a cupcake? I made some a while ago and we still have some left,â you offer, holding up the box to him.
âItâs the last one. Are you sure?â
âHow the tables have turned,â you laugh, and Minghao cracks a bright smile at that and holy crap, if you werenât so busy trying to keep your composure, youâd be freaking out over how handsome he looks when he smiles. ââcourse you can have it. Iâve had plenty of them,â you admit sheepishly as he reaches for the cupcake and brings up to his mouth.
âHoly shit. I donât blame you for eating a lotâif I had these in my house theyâd be gone in like an hour.â
âRight!â Yiren agrees, and you canât help but chew on your bottom lip when you smile from the praise.
âGuess this is just a sign for you to make more, huh,â Jun says, walking to stand next to you to lean on your shoulder.
âUh-uh! You gotta reimburse me somehow,â you protest, looking up at your brother with a firm expression.
âPlease make more, theyâre really good. Iâll buy you boba if you make more,â Minghao chimes, and itâs safe to say you donât expect it from the way you cough on your own saliva. Yiren laughs at your reaction, and Jun only looks at you weirdly when you nod in agreement.
âOh, so youâll make cupcakes when he asks but not for your dear older brother?â
You roll your eyes, saying, âHe offered to buy me boba! You know I canât turn that down.â
Jun huffs in faux irritation, digging his hand into his pocket to fish out his keys. âYa-da, ya-da. Anyways, would anyone other than my super fake, mean, evil sister like to go to karaoke now?â he asks playfully. All it takes is one glare and pulling on his hair for a few seconds to have him shouting out apologies as the four of you make your way to the car garage.
The ride to the karaoke place is short with Jun in the front and Minghao sitting in the passenger seat next to him. You and Yiren pile into the back, and the three of you scroll through your phones to decide what songs to sing later while Jun drives.
âI get to sing Creep, right?â you ask excitedly, bouncing up and down in your seat.
âHowâd I know you were going to bring up Radiohead,â Jun mutters, pressing his head back into the head rest when he stops at a red light, while Minghao turns in his seat to look back at you with wide eyes.
âYou like Radiohead?â he asks with a small smile.
The corners of your lips are lifted and your face brightens when you nod vigorously. âYeah I do!â
âI think âlikeâ would be an understatement. Iâm like 99% sure Thom Yorke lives in her skin or something because what she has for Radiohead is a lot more than just âlike,ââ Yiren says.
âNo way, I love Radiohead,â Minghao tells you. Holy shit. So Minghao is attractive and nice and smart and pretty much perfect at everything and he enjoys Radiohead? You might go insane.
âReally?â Your eyes are wide with your jaw hanging open, leaning forward in your seat.
You hear Jun groan from the driverâs seat, and both you and Minghao shoot him a dirty look. âI forgot both of you are obsessed with Radiohead. Seriously, could either of you get more emo?â
âIf you werenât driving right now, Iâd strangle you,â Minghao says bluntly before looking back at you. âAnyways, whatâs your favorite song?â
âJunnie, please, can you put on Creep now? You know Iâve been waiting forever,â you plead, holding your hand out to the microphone thatâs in your brotherâs hand. The room is dark and lit up with red and blue LEDs across the border, making the room glow purple.
âBut I want to sing another round of Taylor Swift!â he protests, pointing at the big screen in front of you while clutching the microphone close to his chest. You scoff, poking his side. âYou know Iâm not ticklish, so that doesnât work.â
âYouâre not ticklish? How?â Yiren exclaims, looking at Jun with wide eyes.
You turn to squint at her. âHeâs weird. I thought we already established this.â
âHey!â Jun whines. âSee this is why you wonât be getting to sing Creep tonight.â
âJun!â you cry out, and youâre about to pull out a string of complaints and curses, but then Minghao is stepping in, pointing at you.
âPut on Creep. Sheâs been asking for a while and I want to sing it too,â he says. Jun is quiet for a moment before sighing and handing you the microphone which leads you to puffing up your chest and smiling proudly.
âThanks,â you chirp gleefully, as Minghao holds his own microphone up to his lips.
When he smiles at you, itâs kind and sincere in such a way that it has your heart swelling under your pretty pink jacket. Minghao coolly points at Yiren who sits by the control tablet. âCreep. Hit it.â
The air inside your house is warm as you skip down the hall and down the stairs. When the bell rang the first time, you thought it was just some package but when you hear it ring twice, you think otherwise.
When you peek through the little peep-hole, you jump up and down on the balls of your feet, a mix of excitement and nerves pools at your stomach. You open the door and Minghao shuffles in front of you at the doorstep. You havenât seen him in a few weeks, and his hair looks shorter. âDid you cut your hair?â you ask the seventeen year old as you move to the side so he can step in.
âYeah, it was getting in my eyes too much,â he tells you with a nod, a small puff of vapor coming from his lips. Itâs cold, and you hear him inhale a breath of relief when you close the door behind him. âThought the door was never gonna open. I was freezing my ass off,â he says, unwinding the brown scarf from his neck.
ââm sorry,â you reply sheepishly as he takes off his shoes, following you through the foyer. âJun didnât tell me you were coming so I was in my room. Heâs still out with my dad, but heâll be back soon.â
âThatâs fine.â Minghao shrugs off his puffer jacket, placing it on the coat rack while you make your way to the kitchen.
âDo you want a drink? Itâs cold outside, so I can make some hot chocolate. Jun got the nice kind from the cafe down the street.â
âThatâd be great, thanks,â he says, sitting down at one of the stools in front of the kitchen island as you take out some milk and hot chocolate powder. Itâs silent, and you chew your lip while thinking about how this is the first time in a really long time that you and Minghao have been alone together.
Nearing the end of his twelfth year in high school and just like the first time you met him, heâs as enticing as ever. Dancing competitions with Jun, left and right, smart and respectful with the teachers, popular among the studentsâyou're lucky you get to talk to someone as cool as him, even if it is only on the account that youâre his best friendâs little sister.
âHowâs high school?â he asks casually as you boil some milk over the stove.
âItâs alright ⊠English is still hard as ever,â you admit, dropping the powder into the frothing milk.
Minghao chuckles softly when you turn around to face him, and a small smile makes its way onto your lips. âYeah, it was never my strong suit either. You still friends with ⊠whatâs her name? Sorry, Iâm not good with namesâthe girl who lost her voice at karaoke when she came with us?â
âYiren?â you giggle softly, recalling the memory. âYeah. Still friends, still as loud as ever,â you say with a sigh, mixing the milk as it turns light brown. âHow are things with you? Junâs been telling me the dance practices you guys have is pretty intense. He always looks like he could eat a horse when he comes home.â
âThatâs good to hear, and yeah, itâs all going good. It is pretty tiring, but itâs a lot of fun,â Minghao replies, stretching his arms behind his back as you pour out the hot chocolate into two mugs, bringing it over. âThanks,â he murmurs, grabbing from your hand sitting down at your regular spot, one extra chair seated between the two of you as always.
Armâs length, you think for a moment, before shaking yourself of the thought. âIâm sure the practice is paying off thoughâseems like Jun is always talking about some new kinda competition or something.â
âMhm,â Minghao hums, taking a sip of the hot cacao. âThis is really good, thank you,â he says with a soft smile, and youâd be lying if you said you didnât feel some sort of giddiness erupt in your stomach. âI think ⊠I think we can really take it somewhereâour dancing.â
Itâs a sparing thought that Minghao and Junâs dreams are far beyond yours, and you have a bit of a difficult time trying to understand what he means by somewhere and if that somewhere includes you or not.
âYouâre going to Korea?â your eyebrows furrow as you glance between Jun and your parents.
âNothingâs finalized yetââ your mother says, but when Junâs eyes flicker between you and the ground, you already know that this is set in stone.
âYes it is.â Your voice is small when the words come out. âYouââ you take a deep breath, ââyouâre going.â
âNot now, of course,â your dad says, patting your back as he stands up, your mother following suit. âTalk for a few minutes, yeah?â he says as both your parents walk out. When your whole family walked into your room ten minutes earlier to tell you they had big news, you werenât sure what you were expecting, but it certainly was not this.
And now youâre sitting with your brother on one end of your bed while youâre curled up against your pillows on the other, unable to meet his gaze.
âWhen are you going?â you ask quietly, finally breaking the silence.
âAugust.â
âThatâs in a month and a half,â your shoulders deflate as you say it. âHow long?â
âI donât know. Iâm sorry.â You bury your face in your hands in hopes that itâll muffle your cries. It doesnât.
Jun scoots over to you quickly when he sees your shoulders shake, one arm going around your back to pull you close to his body, but you still canât bring yourself to look at him. âHow are you going to do it?â you blubber as your brother pats your back. âYou canât just go to a whole different country alone andââ
âI wonât be alone. Minghao is coming with me,â Jun tells you quickly. Now that brings your head up. You donât care that your nose is snotty and that your hair is all over the place and that your face burns, you just need to see the look on Junâs face to see that he isnât messing with you.
The way his own eyes are glossy gives you your answer. âY-you both got accepted into tha-that company?â
Jun nods. âWe applied together.â
âWhy didnât you tell me you were applying? I-I wouldâve understood. You could have given me more time to process this andââ You look down at your hands, âFuck,â you mutter to yourself, not finding the words in your throat.
âWe didnât even know if we would get accepted. Me and Minghao promised each other that weâd only follow through with it if both of us got in and we didnât think that thereâd be a high chance of that because itâs so competitive ⊠I only told Mom and Dad because until we got the acceptances, I really didnât think it was going to actually happen.â You gulp at his words, trying to let it all sink in.
âI think ⊠I think I just need to go on a walk. Take a breather, yâknow,â you mutter under your breath as you stand up. Just as you're about to walk away, you stop yourself, looking back at Jun who stares down at his hands. You donât think twice before wrapping your arms around his shoulders and hugging him tightly. âIâm really proud of you,â you say quietly before rushing out of your room and down the stairs.
You shove your feet into some slippers in the foyer, rushing out onto the street soon after. You arenât sure what youâre doing or where youâre headed, but you continue to trudge along the sidewalk until youâre walking down the main road.
The summer air is hot and stuffy, and you wonder if you feel so suffocated because of the sunâs onslaught or because of thoughts that run through your head. Itâs surrounding you, breathing it in, it fills your lungs, courses through your veins, rushes to your brainâyou donât know what it is, but itâs uncomfortable and has you dizzy and your vision foggy.
You lean against a thick lamppost next to you, hands on your knees as you knit your eyebrows together as sweat beads down your forehead. What the fuck, you think as you breathe in through your nose.
You hear your own name bounce around in your head, and the sound only grows louder and louder until youâre muttering under your breath, telling yourself to shut the fuck up, shut the fuck up, shut the fuck up. And there are tears in your eyes but you furiously wipe them away because while you donât mind crying, you do mind crying if you donât know why.
And fuck, thereâs that voice again, your name echoing over and over again until itâs growing lowder and ringing in your ears. You think you might start crying again until the voice sounds familiar and youâre whipping your head up and standing straight when you see a car pull up to the curb next to you.
âFuck my life,â you mumble to yourself when you see Minghao in the driverâs seat of the car. He rolls down the window and god, he looks so pretty with his hair back and upper body fit into a loose yellow shirt.
âHey, what are you doing?â he asks you, brows pinched into a concerned expression as he looks at you, face flushed and sheen from sweat.
âIââ Youâre about to smile at him and let the giddiness of having your crush talk to you take over, but then the words get caught in your throat when you remember the whole reason youâre out here. ââIâm just going on a walk.â
âIn this heat?â He raises a brow at you. âWhere to? Let me give you a ride. You donât look too well.â
âNowhere really,â you say with a shrug. âActually, I might just head back home,â you rush out, turning on your heel to walk in the other direction so Minghao canât pry any further, but he stops you.
âWait, wait, wait,â he calls out, and you donât have the willpower to ignore him. âLet me drive you home then. Seriously, you donât look wellâlike you look like youâre âbout to pass out and shitâso just get in the car, please?â He says the last part with some sort of beggary etched onto his face and you just canât deny him. Not now, not ever.
Pulling the door open, your limbs feel heavy as you climb into the car, air much cooler and fresher than outside. Leaning your head against the headrest, you let your eyes flutter shut as Minghao starts the car.
âAre you seriously okay? You lookââ
âSick, I know. I look sick,â your grumble, eyes still shut. You wonder if you should tell him Jun just told you everything.
âIâm sorry,â and you can tell from the way his voice doesnât waver that he means it.
âJun told me about Korea.â
âOh.â Yeah, very big oh. âJust now?â You nod. âIs that why you were out here?â You nod again, finally opening your eyes.
âHey, this isnât the way to my house.â
Minghao keeps his eyes on the road. âCâmon, letâs get some pop,â he says, ignoring your statement and driving into the parking lot of a convenience store. He unbuckles his seatbelt and hops out his end, not saying a word, and you figure that you have no other choice but to follow.
Any other situation and youâd be grinning about spending some time alone with Minghao, but after hearing Jun tell you that heâs going to be traveling hundreds of miles and flying over borders within the next two months has your stomach churning in a way you donât like.
You donât know if you want to spend all the hours of the day with Jun and Minghao, or if you want to crawl up in your bed and pretend they donât exist so itâll hurt less when theyâre gone. You feel stupid for thinking like thisâyou know itâs going to hurt either way.
Youâre lost in your own thoughts as you walk into the store after Minghao, only snapped back into the present when he says something to you. âHey, those are your jeans that you wore when we first did karaoke right?â
You blink once and then twice before looking down at your pants. They were those same jeans. âYeah, howâd you know?â you ask him incredulously, and Minghao chuckles as he reaches into the cooler and pulls out a pink popsicle.
âI remember the flowers and how they matched your pink jacket. It was cute,â he says casually, and you hope he doesnât catch onto the way your fingers twiddle together nervously and you avert your gaze. âAnyways, you like Cola right?â he clarifies when reaching into the drink fridge near the cooler. You nod shyly, thanking him quietly when he hands you a can.
As you make your way to the cash register, you fish around in your pockets for a few moments hoping youâll dig up a dollar bill or something but then Minghaoâs hand is on your wrist and he shakes his head with a smile.
âDonât worry about it, Iâll cover it.â He turns back so quickly you donât have time to protest because heâs already sticking his card into the machine, throwing the cashier a thumbs up and walking out the store without a word.
âI couldâve paid for myself, yâknow,â you grumble, following behind Minghao, watching to see where heâs headed. You think heâs going to get back into his car, but instead he plops down on the street curb, sitting on the ground. You just look at him for a few moments, contemplating what to do for a few moments before joining his side.
âYeah, but I wanted to pay for it.â
The sun is bright and it beads down on you relentlessly, but you donât complain. You both sit in silence as you both tend to your snacksâMinghao tries to lap up his popsicle quickly now that youâre out in the heat and you try to drink as much of your Cola as you can before it grows lukewarm. The air grows thick between you.
You canât find the right words to say. You suppose there arenât any right words or any wrong words, and that you can say just about anything right now and it wouldnât matter.
Glancing at Minghao who takes a lick of his pink popsicle, you feel that uneasy feeling swarm inside of your chest.
You could kiss him right now. You could press your mouth against his sticky lips and lap at the sugar against his tongue. You could hold his face and run your fingers through his hair and cradle the nape of his neck. You could do anything right now and it wouldnât matter.
Minghao, after all, was leaving.
But youâre scared and Minghao is mature and his dreams are big and heâs brave.
Your eyes linger on his plush lips for no longer than a second before you shamefully look down at the Cola in your hands, suddenly feeling sick to your stomach.
âYouâll remember this place, right? Likeâif you get big and famous and stuff, you two wonât forget, right?â you resort to asking. You say âthis place,â but really, you mean âme.â You donât want to be forgotten.
Minghao watches you with his eyes clouded with something you canât really make out. âOf course we wonât. Weâll remember forever.â Absentmindedly, you trace figure-eights into the top of your can of pop, and Minghao catches the motion.
Using his own finger, he traces the figure of the number eight over the cement of the curb. âSee. Like infinity, yâknow?â
You purse your lips together and nod, your mind going dizzy. âCan we ⊠can we go?â you mumble softly, gripping the can in your hand. âI think the heat kinda got to me.â Itâs not entirely a lie.
Minghao doesnât question you, polishing off his popsicle and tossing it into the trash before unlocking the door so you can take the silent ride home.
Jun and Minghao flew out two months ago. You went with your family and Minghaoâs family to bid goodbyes. Itâs not like you wouldnât see them againâgive or take a few months and Jun would be back at home, but heâd have to leave again. And again. And again.
Itâs sad, you think, as you slump against Yiren on some random personâs couch. You miss them so much, but when you think about Jun and Minghao, all you can see is the hard work theyâve put into going where theyâre headed.
You feel selfish as you bring a cup up to your lips. You feel pathetic and lame and if you werenât already drunk, youâd be wallowing in self pity as well. The alcohol tastes just as bitter as your feelings, and while you wince when you gulp it down, you donât hesitate to let some more run down your throat.
Yiren watches you worriedly when you clutch her arm and shut your eyes tight. âI miss them,â you whisper, and she doesnât know if youâre talking to her or to yourself. She strokes your hair and coos to you about taking you to lie down somewhere.
Your head spins as she helps you stand, letting the cup fall to the ground, not bothering to pick it up. Yiren pulls you into an empty bedroom and sits you on the bed. âDrink this,â she instructs, handing you a bottle of water.
âYiren, I miss them,â you repeat yourself.
âI know, I know you do. Do you want to go home? Iâll drive you andââ
âNo, you go have fun. I just need to sit down for a sec,â you tell her, letting your back fall onto the mattress. Yiren gives you a warning look, but you shoo her off. âTrust me, Iâll be fine. Iâll call you if I need anything.â She looks like she wants to protest, but you both know youâre on a one track mind right now.
âPlease donât do anything stupid,â Yiren begs as she walks away and closes the door behind her. Youâre still dizzy, but not nearly as bad as before. Sitting up, you glance around the room. Itâs simpleâprobably a guest room in whoeverâs house this is. Also probably why the door was unlocked in the first place.
You feel you might pass out until your eyes land on an open notebook on a table in the corner of the room. You donât think twice before standing up and ripping a sheet out, scrambling for a pen.
DEAR MINGHAO
Iâm drunk right now. I miss you and I miss Jun. I hope when you guys come back again, we can go to that karaoke place again and sing to Radiohead. Iâve expanded my taste you knowâmy favorite song is Fake Plastic Trees now, and I even got a record player just so I could play the vinyl for it. Sorry I didnât tell you earlier.
When you come back, we should really go there again. Yirenâs been getting really tired of me singing Creep every time, so I need a new duo partner. And sheâs leaving too, so thereâs that.
I really want to kiss you right now, but youâre in Korea.
I miss Jun a lot too. I think I hate you for it. Heâs my brother but somehow you get to see him more and talk to him more and be with him more. Sometimes I call him and itâs for less than five minutes and I hear your voice in the background and I donât know if I want to listen to you speak forever or strangle you so you can never talk again. I get that Jun is busy, and that youâre busy, but you guys get to be busy together.
Yiren told me sheâs probably going to go to college out of the country next year. Iâm going to miss her like hell. I think I already miss her, and so I drag her to karaoke with me so she wonât ever forget about me and Radiohead and how garbage I am at singing Creep.
Jun says heâs going to come visit home in two months, and that you might come along. I didnât know home was a place you only visit, but I guess being an idol changes you. I probably sound super bitter right now. Iâm not. Maybe Iâm upset that you guys are gone, but I really am happy for you.Jun is happy, and youâre happy, and Iâm so happy you have each other.
Itâs hard to focus on your examâhalfway through your degree and you still get the jitters every time you step into the testing hall. Itâs probably the nerves. And the caffeine. And the fact that youâll be seeing your brother and Minghao in three hours.
Itâs mainly the third that has your leg bouncing up and down on the balls of your feet as you jot down your answers. The exam takes longer than youâd like to finish, but as soon as youâve finished the final question, youâre bolting out of the large room and toward the parking lot.
Connecting your phone to your car, you call Jun as you back out of the parking spot. âHey, you guys at the airport?â you ask when you hear him pick up.
âYeah, weâre just getting out right now but thereâs kind of a crowd so it might take a while to just get to the car.â
âI forgot you guys are, like, famous,â you mutter jokingly. âWhereâre you headed first? Minghaoâs place first?â
âYeah probably. Heâs gonna see his parents and stuff first and then Iâll go to Mom and Dadâs house, so you can just come there.â
âOkay ⊠weâre still good for our dinner plans, right?â
âYeah, actually I was wondering if Minghao could tag along,â Jun says, and you can hear some muffled shouting from the other side.
âOh okay, yeah suââ
âHey, look, thereâs a lot of people here and I canât hear much so just text me your response and Iâll get to you in a second,â Jun tells you quickly as the shouting grows louder. He hangs up soon after and you sigh heavily as you start driving to your parents house.
The ride is quiet but youâre happy to be met with gleeful parents when you get to their place. Youâre all a bit spirited at the prospect of Jun coming home, so when you hear the old ringing of the door bell, youâre bolting to the door and swinging it open, jumping into his arms.
âWhat happened to âhi,â âhello,â âhow are you?ââ Jun teases as he hugs you close, awkwardly trying to shuffle into the house. You poke your tongue out at him when you finally unwind your arms from around him.
âHi. Hello. How are you? You seem obnoxious, as always,â you shoot back, and Jun only grins, pinching your cheek tightly.
âOh how I missed my little insane sister,â he says before moving onto your parents, enveloping them in hugs as you all begin to settle down in the living room. The four of you spend a few hours catching up with Jun before he excuses himself to freshen up so he can get ready for your plans for the evening.
When he comes back all ready, youâre pulling out your keys from your purse and waving bye to your parents, promising them youâll stop by the next morning as you and your brother make your way to the door.
âSee you later!â Jun calls out before closing the front door behind him and following you to your car. Minghaoâs house is close by, no more than a five minute drive, and itâs quiet as you take the familiar roads through the town to get there.
âShould we go in?â you ask when you park in Minghaoâs driveway. âYou havenât seen his parents in a while, have you?â
âOh yeah, youâre right. Câmon, letâs go.â You both slip out of the car and make your way to the front door. Minghaoâs mother opens the door and you spend a few minutes exchanging greetings and catching up before Minghao is stepping out, clad in some black jeans and a grey hoodie.
He smiles when he sees you, pulling you into a hug, giving you a chance to feel the slightly damp hair against your cheek and the woody smell that always reminds you of him. âHey, howâs it been?â he asks when he pulls away.
âI-Iâm good,â you say shyly.
âLetâs talk more in the car, yeah?â Jun suggests, turning back to Minghaoâs parents to give them a hug before you all wave your goodbyes and get into your car.
âWhereâre we headed?â Jun asks, as you back out of the driveway. Jun sits in the passenger seat while Minghao slips into the back.
âItâs this new placeâopened just a few months ago so I doubt youâd have gone there yet,â you tell him as you start driving.
âIs it the place next to the cafe?â Minghao asks you, and you nod excitedly.
âYeah ⊠howâd you know?â
âMy mom told me about it, and said I should try it out. I guess nowâs my chance, huh.â
âYeah! Itâs really good, I hope you both like it,â you say, reaching over to the AUX controls to flick on one of your playlists. âOkay guys ⊠are you ready?â you warn, watching Minghaoâs eyes brighten through the mirror.
âOh my god, donât tell me you guys are going to sign Creep againââ Jun starts to groan, but you reach over and press a finger over his lips to shut him up.
âQuiet,â Minghao hisses to his friend, scooting forward in his seat so youâre in his view, placing his hands under your headrest. His fingers brush against the back of your neck and youâre scared you might crash the car from the way his touch makes you shiver. Fuck, more than half a damn decade and you still canât fight it off. âTurn it up,â he instructs from behind, and you can only grin as you reach over and pump up the volume.
The deep rumble of snare and guitar echoes through the car as the song starts and you already feel your heart begin to swell in your chest. So when the first lines of, âwhen you were here before,â leave your lips, you arenât sure if you feel your heart mending itself, or if itâs salt being poured on the wound.
Because from behind you is Minghaoâs voice, so deep and velvety and angelic it has you almost in a trance. Heâs been good at singing, always, but now his voice sounds ⊠mature, and developed and ⊠and you love it.
You think back to the first time you sang Creep with him, and the lyrics already have you reminiscing when you both sing, âcouldnât look you in the eye,â because goddammit you still struggle to look at Minghao for too long because youâre scared youâll get lost.
And when it gets to the part before the bass is blaring in your ears, Minghao and you are singing, âI wish I was special, youâre so fuckinâ special,â at the top of your lungs and you canât help but let the irony sink in.
Now youâre pretty sure when Thom wrote Creep, he didnât mean it to be about your love life, especially not the non-existent one between you and your brotherâs best friend, but Thom is speaking to you right now, and you wonder if Minghao can hear the way youâre singing from your heart. How youâre singing for him.
When the song comes to an end, Minghaoâs fingers brush over the nape of your neck one last time before he retreats back into his seat. You try to not mull on the feeling any longer, shaking your head of all of those thoughts when you near the restaurant.
âHere it is!â you chirp, parking the car on the curb. The three of you shuffle out of the car casually, making your way to the entrance.
âLooks nice,â Minghao comments as he opens the door for you and Jun. Your brother hops in merrily and you and Minghao both share a soft smile as you go inside too, your body nearly jerking when you feel his hand on the small of your back as he follows behind you.
His touch is warm and gentle andâfuck, does he know what heâs doing to you right now?
Youâre more relieved than anything when he finally lets his arm drop, the three of you making your way to the table you booked. You were scared that if Minghao stayed close any longer, heâd be able to feel your heart beating through your chest.
You guys sit down at the table, Jun next to you while Minghao settles across the two of you. âSo howâs your classes going?â he asks you as you look through the menu. âJun said you had an exam today, right?â
âYeah, it was my final one,â you tell him with a sigh of relief. âIt was stressful preparing for it but it went better than I thought.â
âGood to hear,â Minghao says as a waiter comes along to pick up on your orders. After he leaves, Jun turns to you.
âWhatâs Yiren up to?â Jun asks you curiously. âHavenât seen that girl in ages.â
âSheâs, uh, sheâs good,â you reply. âI havenât seen her in a while either ⊠she went off to college in Korea, remember?â
Minghao chuckles, âSeems like everyoneâs going there, huh? Maybe you should pull up too.â
You scrunch up your face and shake your head while you take a sip of water. âI think I like this place too much to leave. Plus, whoâs going to take care of our old folks if I leave too?â you tease, nudging your brother in the side.
âMom and Dad can take care of themselves just fine,â Jun shrugs, ruffling your hair as the waiter brings along some food.
âLooks good,â Minghao says, holding up some chopsticks as you all look down at the sizzling dishes in front of you.
âIt is! See?â you say pointedly, looking up at Jun. âImagine I moved to KoreaâI wouldnât be able to eat this.â Your brother only rolls his eyes and Minghao and you laugh together while you dig in.
As you work through your meal and catch each other up on your lives, Minghao eventually leans back in his seat and sighs heavily. âIâm really craving something sweet right now.â
âIâd say we should pick up some pastries from the cafe next door but they closed two hours ago,â you say sadly.
âOh shit, I forgot about that place. They made the best chocolate buns ever,â Jun mutters to himself, polishing off his plate.
âLetâs go to the cafe tomorrow evening, yeah?â Minghao suggests as he takes a sip of water. At the suggestion, you chew at your lip.
âUh, I donât think I can go then,â you say, hoping they wonât pry any further.
Of course, your brother doesnât allow you a second of peace. âWhy not? Your last exam was today, right?â
âYeah, but I have stuff to do,â you reply nonchalantly. Jun scoffs and tugs your ear, causing you to whine. âWhat was that for?!â
âYou didnât clear your schedule out for me? I thought you missed me! You know I have to leave in like a week,â he complains, and you and Minghao share an amused look as you nudge Jun on the side.
âRelax, you can have me in the morning and afternoon and everything ⊠I just have to go somewhere for the evening.â
âYouâre being really ominous about this, you know,â Jun retorts, crossing his arms over his chest. âWhereâre you going?â
You chew on your tongue, contemplating if this is the right moment to bring it up, or if you should even tell Jun and Minghao this at all. âI just have to see someone.â
âOh my god, shut up,â Jun groans. âYouâre literally asking me to pry. Tell me whoâa boyfriend?â You chuckle nervously, eyes flickering between Minghao and your brother, shaking your head.
âNoânot a boyfriend,â you say dryly, scoffing at the irony. âRemember Renjun? I told you about him when I was in freshman year.â
âVaguely. Remind me who he is again?â
âHeâs just a guy, and he has some of my stuff I need to pick up.â Both Minghao and Jun cock an eyebrow at you after that. âWhat?â you huff, leaning back in your seat.
âAn ex?â Minghao asks and your face burns.
âIâyeah,â you say casually. âAn ex.â
Jun frowns deeply. âI didnât know you and Renjun ever dated. I didnât even know you ever had a boyfriend,â he says, voice evidently upset that he was left out of this.
âIt wasnât that serious,â you pat his shoulder as to soften the blow. âPlus it happened when you were on tourâwe hardly talked then.â
âStill! You couldâve told me!â You bite back a, âBut could I really?â because this isnât the time or place for that.
âItâs whatever. I just need to pick up some stuff I left at his place andââ
âSo it ended pretty recently then?â Minghao piques, and your eyebrows furrow, slightly annoyed by both of their belated interest in your love life.
âWhat, no! Itâs been months andâwait, I donât see how thatâs any of your guysâ business,â you huff and Minghao backs off a little, but Jun still stays curiously leaning in.
âWhatever. Youâll be available to come with us to the lake on Friday though, right?â Jun asks, pulling out his phone and holding it up to your face to show you a picture of a lake house. âI booked a place to stay the night and all.â
âOf course Iâm going to comeâIâve been looking forward to it!â
âGood,â Jun says gruffly, still somewhat glaring at you.
You give him a funny look. âWhat?â
âIâm still mad you never told meâyouâre supposed to tell me this stuff! How else am I supposed to know that youâre doing fine on your own and actually growing up.â
âOh my god, Jun, Iâm an adult! Did you think I would never have boyfriends?â
âNo! At least not without telling me!â
You chuckle and Minghao follows in suit, enjoying the little sibling bicker. âOkay fine. Iâm sure Iâll be telling you every detail of my love life when it gets resurrected.â
Minghao snorts at your use of words, and you revel in the way the sound makes you feel. Fuck it, itâs been more than half a decade and you still get butterfliesâyou canât fight away the feeling, so you might as well wallow in it.
You wonder what Jun would think about thisâyour love life being pulled and shaken by his own best friend. Oh well, some secrets are best kept hidden anyways.
âHereâs your stuff,â Renjun says softly, handing you a paper bag thatâs stuffed with a wide array of your belongings.
âThank you. Is my pink jacket in there? Iâve been looking for it for a while and I didnât know if I left it at yours,â you ask timidly, holding the paper bag close to your chest.
He scratches the back of his head as he steps back, nodding. âUh, yeah I think itâs at the bottom.â You peer down at the contents of your back, and give a half smile when you see the pink cloth peeking out from underneath.
âThanks for taking care of my stuff. I know youâve basically moved out and all.â
âNo worries. Do you, uh, need a ride home or anything? Itâs pretty cold.â
You purse your lips at the offer, but shake your head. âItâs fine âŠâ Thereâs an awkward silence and you quickly wonder if you should say anything more. Renjun looks awfully ⊠apologetic right now and you feel thereâs some more you can say. âHowâs your new place? Have you seen it?â
âYeah, I flew up there a few weeks back to get some of my main stuff shipped. A nice apartment, way bigger than whatever I had here,â he says with an awkward chuckle. You appreciate the effort.
Nodding, you tighten your grip on the bag. âThatâs good to hear. I hope it all goes well with you. I ⊠I think Iâll be taking my leave now. My brotherâs back in town so âŠâ
âOh yeah, I heard from Jianing. Hope youâre having a good timeâI know you havenât seen him in ages.â
âThank you. Anyways, Iâm gonna get going now. Thanks again,â you say as you step back, throwing out a small wave.
A half-hearted, âSee you,â leaves Renjunâs lips as you turn on your heel and start walking back to the bus station. Thereâs no promise of seeing Renjun later, or ever again, and something cold sinks in your stomach at the thought.
The thought that this all couldâve been avoided if Renjun hadnât gotten that stupid job offer hundreds of miles away. If he didnât decide to pack his bags and fly away just like Jun, like Yiren, like Minghao. Renjun was leaving, just like everyone else.
You clutch the paper bag close to your chest as you make your way to the bus stop, one hand fumbling in the pocket of your jacket as you search for your wallet and within seconds youâre a frantic mess. âShit,â you mutter under your breath. âShit, shit, shit!â you cry out when you drop your bag and pat frantically over your pockets to try and feel for your wallet.
Your digging into every crook of the coat and thereâs a growing feeling of dread that washes over you once you realize that you lost your fucking wallet. Hands clenched at your side, you feel hot tears well up in your lash line as you stare down at the ground, letting in the shitty events of today sink in.
You donât even know why youâre crying now. Itâs hardly even cries, really, youâre downright sobbing as you plop down on the curb of the empty street, fumbling with your phone as you pull up Junâs contact. Pressing the phone to your ear, you shut your eyes tight in an attempt to calm down your breath, but when you hear the line go dead you cry even harder, realizing that Jun is probably napping right now.
âFuck my life,â you complain to yourself, letting your head hang low as you scroll through your phone. You arenât even sure what compels you to click on him but before you know it youâre on speaker as you hear the buzzing of the phone as you wait for Minghao to pick up.
One ring. Maybe heâs busy.
Two rings. He might be looking for his phone.
Three rings. He probably wonât pick up.
Four rings, and youâre about to hang up but then it stops. âMinghao?â
Minghaoâs voice is cool and calm when he says your name. âDo youââ
âI need your help,â you say so quietly you arenât sure if heâll be able to hear it. And then Minghao hears it: your soft pants and shaky breath and something about the sound has him squeezing his phone tightly.
âAre you okay?â
âIâmââ No, I feel like shit and Iâm freezing my ass off and itâs so cold and I need you to help me. âCan you pick me up? I lost my wallet which has my bus card. Iâm sorry, I know itâs a little late and youïżœïżœre probably busy butââ
âSend me your location.â
Minghao is pulling up in his black car within twenty minutes and by then youâve had enough time to wipe the tears from your face and piece together yourself to look presentable. Rolling down the windows as you wave over to his car, you hear the doors click and youâre roughly yanking on the door and throwing your stuff and yourself in.
Minghao raises a brow at your ruckus, asking once again, âAre you okay?â When you only sigh heavily, buckling yourself up, you hope Minghao will just leave it alone. Youâd rather not talk about the stupid breakdown you just had in front of your childhood crush.
Minghao clearly doesnât get the message, so when he starts the engine again, he murmurs, âHave you been crying?â You purse your lips together tightly as if the question itself as the tears bubbling up to the surface once again. âDid meeting with Renjun not go well?â Youâre surprised he remembers his nameâMinghao was never great with names. âCan you say something? Iâm worried.â
âSorry,â you say softly, letting your shoulder drop down, and from the corner of your vision you see Minghao watching you carefully. âI-I just got overwhelmed. And it was cold. Really cold. And thenââ You take a shaky breath. ââand I lost my fucking wallet on top of it and itâs all so shitty andââ
His hand is on your shoulder and you hardly realize that Minghao has pulled over and parked so he can turn to face you. Youâre crying again and you donât even know how this fucking happened, all you know is that thereâs so much going on in your head and Minghao is right there, heâs so close but then again, heâs so far.
âHey, hey calm down for a secâ,â he says calmly, gripping your arm firmly. âBreathe slowly, and tell me what happened.â
You inhale sharply through your nose and scrunch your face up as you bury your head in your hands. In your right mind, you wouldnât even think about telling Minghao about whatâs on your mind but itâs been a really terrible past hour and you canât control yourself.
âRenjunâs leaving. Didnât want to do long distance and so heâs gone andâfuck, I donât even blame him but whyâd he have to leave,â you ramble, tears streaming down your flushed cheeks as Minghao pats your back gently.
âDid he say something to you when you met with him?â he asked, tone laced with concern. âIâm sorry, Iâm justâare you oâokay please donât cry.â
You donât know why, but Minghao telling you to cry only makes the tears fall faster. âAnd Yirenââ you hiccup, âYiren left too, I havenât seen her in months and Jun a-a-and youâyouâve all been gone.â You donât realize when Minghao grabs both your shoulders and forces you to face him completely.
âSlow down, please. No oneâs left you, weâre all going to be here for you, you know that. Did Renjun say something which made you think like this?â he asks, the grip on your shaking shoulders growing tighter as you desperately try to steady yourself.
âN-no, but youâre not here. I hardly ever get to see my own brother and Yiren and you and Renjun and everything is so shitty I justââ you cry out and suddenly you stumble forward in the seat and before you know it Minghaoâs arms are around you.
Itâs not like you havenât hugged him before but this is the first time youâre blubbering into his shoulder about your feelings, and if you werenât so sad, youâd be fucking appalled. His warm hand is on your back, rubbing up and down slowly until youâve finally found the conscience to actually breathe and realize just whatâs going on.
Slowly, you pull away from Minghaoâs hold, furiously wiping away at your face to dry yourself, looking down at your lap bashfully. âI am so sorry, what the fuck, I-I donât know what came over me,â you blurt out when Minghao drops his hands from your shoulder. You miss the warmth, but youâre quite very embarrassed with yourself and donât have the will to chase after his touch.
âPlease donât apologize,â Minghao replies softly, watching you with wide eyes. âThat ⊠was a lot andââ
âIâm sorry, look, I was just having a shitty day and it all piled up and you justâI donât know I guess, letâs just pretend this never happened,â you beg with him. Minghaoâs face looks like he wants to say more, but you really canât tell with the way his eyes are clouded.
âAre you sure? You know you can talk to me.â
You gulp at the irony. No, you really canât. You canât tell Minghao anything, really, because even after crying and sobbing and wailing in his car he still looks at you with so much care and it has these stupid fucking butterflies erupting in your stomach like youâre fifiteen with a massive crush on your brotherâs best friend.
âCan you just please drive me to my place?â you ask, looking up at him with pleading eyes. âI think I just really need to sleep.â
You can tell Minghao still has questions, but you donât seem too willing to answer them so he doesnât say anything when he nods and turns back to the road. The ride is silent, and when he finally parks he pats your shoulder.
You look out the window and furrow your eyebrows. âThis isnât my apartment complex âŠâ you tell him, confused as you see a convenience store in front of you. The same one.
âCâmon, I know you love pop,â he says casually, unbuckling his seatbelt leaving you with no other choice to follow behind him. Thereâs an odd sense of deja vu that envelopes over you, shoving your pockets into your jacket shyly.
âRemember the last time we were here?â Minghao asks with a chuckle as you guys walk into the store.
âDonât remind me,â you murmur. âThat was a shitty day.â
Minghao gives you a nervous smile as he pulls out a can from the fridge and hands it to you, grabbing his own bottle as well. âYeah, but Cola made it better, right?â
âI guess it did. Cola always makes things better,â you admit. âHey, fuck you,â you say jokingly when Minghao pulls out his wallet. âYou shouldâve taken me here another time when I actually had my walletâI need to pay you back for that day!â you whine with a pout. âNow Iâm in debt to you twice! Youâve bought me two Colas!â
Minghao rolls his eyes playfully as he pays for the drinks. âYeah well things are different now, and Iâm pretty sure my wallet doesnât care about the cost of two Colas.â
âIs Mr. Big and Famous too good for my money now?â you huff when you step back outside, opening your Cola. âI will pay you back, no matter how stupidly rich you get.â
âIâll have to hold you to that,â Minghao laughs as you slip back into his car. The air is lighter as he drives you back to your place for real this time, and the lingering feeling of pop on your tongue is sweet and fun.
âThank you for the ride. And the Cola,â you add when heâs in front of your building.
âYou remember what I said?â
You nod as you step out of the car, picking up your brown bag. âThank you so much for this. Iâm sorry again.â
âStop apologizing. Is there ⊠is there anything else I can do? You want another Cola perhaps?â
âVery funny, but I donât think I want to be jumping off the walls tonight âŠâ you answer, closing the door but still peering through the open window. You think for a second as you chew your lip, nodding when you come up with something. âBut do me a favor ⊠donât tell Jun.â
Jun takes you out to the lake house he booked three mornings after you met with Renjun and sobbed to Minghao in his car. Itâs a refreshing turn of events, if youâre being honest, and youâre eager to sink into a relaxing weekend after a stressful exam season.
Your brother drives the three hours on the way with the promise of you driving on the way home hung over your head. When you reach the houseâa medium sized cabin perched right by the lake and surrounded by trees and mountainsâyouâre greeted with the sight of Minghao sitting in his car and scrolling on his phone.
As you and Jun pile out of the car and grab your bags, Minghao comes out too, walking toward you with his hands stuffed in his pockets. âThought you guys would never come. If you were gonna be late you shouldâve just given me the keys to this place,â he says with a huff.
âDonât blame me,â Jun shrugs, locking the car after youâve both taken out your stuff, walking up to the cabinâs entrance. âSheâs the one who wanted to stop and buy some pop.â
âDonât act like you didnât want it either,â you retort, reaching into your tote bag to hand Minghao a can of Cola. âHere,â you offer with a smile which he returns gleefully.
âOkay actually, totally valid reason,â Minghao says, flicking open the can before taking a sip.
âHey! Donât be on her side,â Jun whines as he opens up the cabin. Minghao and you chuckle together, your heart warming at the sound as you three start to load your things into the house. Minghao doesnât say anything about that night when he picked you up, and for that much youâre grateful. This much, you can manage.
By the time you all have settled your things into your respective rooms itâs noon and the sun pummels down with admirable strength. As you stick your head out of your room, you catch Jun making his way down the hallway toward the bathroom.
âYou going for a swim?â you ask, gesturing down to your swimsuit that youâve already eagerly put on.
âNah, Iâm gonna go later. I need to take a call right now,â he says with a sigh and you nod, about to retreat back to your room before Minghao walks out of his own room.
âIâll go if youâre going,â Minghao tells you casually, and you donât waste a second to nod. âGive me five so I can get changed and then we can go out.â
You jump down the hall excitedly after he closes the door behind him, making your way to the backyard porch which leads into a deck over the lake. As you place your towel on one of the chairs outside, you hear the sliding door open.
Minghao walks out shirtless, lower half only covered with his swim trunks as he runs a hand through his shaggy hair, shaking his head lightly as he makes his way towards you, placing his towel next to yours. âThanks for waiting ⊠shit, itâs hot as hell,â he murmurs, and youâre thankful that youâre facing away from him right nowâyou arenât sure youâd be able to handle the proximity and the sight of his bare upper body.
âYeah,â you agree, finally straightening your back and putting some distance between the two of you when you start walking towards the edge of the deck. âThe waterâs so clear,â you think out loud, looking down at the blue lake in front of you.
âItâs really pretty ⊠you want a picture?â Minghao suggests, walking up behind you.
âI would, but I left my phone inside.â
âLetâs just take it on my phone,â he says casually, holding up his phone in front of you, waving at you to step back a little so he can take a picture. âA candid one would look pretty with this viewâlike youâre looking out at the lake and stuff,â he begins to say, placing a smooth hand on your shoulder so he can manually turn you around so that youâre facing away from him.
When he lets his hand drop, it brushes over the curve of your hip and you have to bite down on your lip to stop the pathetic whimper that threatens to escape your lips. Luckily, Minghao canât see the pained expression that makes its way onto your face as he steps back holding up his phone.
âOkay ready âŠâ he calls out from further behind. âThree ⊠two ⊠one!â You hear a faint tapping sound as you still, letting Minghao take the pictures as you wait patiently. It takes a few moments, and youâre about to ask him how much longer heâs going to go at it before you hear the sound of something being dropped, and then a few rattling thuds.
âMinghao, whatââ you begin to question as you slowly turn on your heel but by then itâs too late. âWHAT THE Fââ
Your scream is cut off short when Minghao runs forward and lunges at you, one arm wrapping itself around your waist as he jumps into the water, bringing you down with him. The cool water of the lake hits your body and the wind gets punched out of your lungs as you feel your limbs entangle with his. Instinctevely, your arms tighten around one of his as your eyes press closed tightly as you feel your warm body start to level with the temperature around you.
And so even as your legs kick around for a few panicked moments, you begin to feel oddly at peace when your head finally reaches the surface of the water, Minghaoâs hand still steady over your hips as you gasp for air.
âYouâre a bitch for that,â you say, a few choked giggles escaping your lips as you do. Minghao finally unwinds his arm from yours, and while you miss the contact, his body is still dangerously close to yours, and you figure that that is already more than you can manage.
Minghao smiles gleefully, pushing his face so close that itâs right up in front of you. âMm maybe, but it was really funny. Got it on video too.â
âWhat?!â you screech, swimming backward so quickly that you hit your head on the wooden platform of the deck. âCrap!â you exclaim, hand immediately flying up to press against the throbbing crown of your head. Minghaoâs eyes widen with concern as he wades his way towards you, tall enough to still have his feet touch the lake bottom unlike you.
âShit, Iâm sorry, are you okay?â he asks worriedly, his own hand coming up to feel the back of your head. His eyes are big and brown as he looks down at you, and for this moment, you forget about the dull ache and bask in the way the sun hits his skin so perfectly he glows.
âIâm fine!â you squeak quickly, letting your hand drop so you can tread in the water lightly, slowly moving a safe distance away from the deck.
âA-are you sure?â he probes, making his way to you, and you have a moment to admire him from afarâthe way his hair is matted against his forehead and water drops gather at his lashes, making his eyes look prettier than ever.
You chuckle at the way his lips are pursed together apologetically, and you splash some water at him to lighten the mood. âYes, Minghao, Iâm great. I hardly hit myself.â Minghaoâs face looks uneasy, and you laugh again.
It takes a few more minutes of you trying to convince him that youâre totally fine before he finally lets it go. Eventually, you find yourself on a big inflated duck-shaped floaty, laying down with your face up and eyes closed. You lose track of time, enjoying the white noise of Minghao splashing around in the water around you, drifting off into a hazy state until you hear a loud yell and feel yourself being flipped over and off your floaty.
âJun!â you whine, rubbing your eyes as you furiously push hair off your face when you resurface, glaring at both Jun and Minghao laugh side by side. âYou guys have to stop doing this to me,â you groan, eyes finally adjusting to its normal state.
âWhat are you talking about?â Jun asks innocently as you make your way over to the two of them, not bothering to turn your duck floatie back up right. âIt was just an accident I fell on youâhey!â he yells out when you lunge at him. Minghao steps back quickly as you and Jun waddle and fight in the water, splashing water at each other while you try and get your revenge.
âOkay! Okay! Iâm sorry,â Jun admits with a pout. âYou didnât do this to Minghao after he dunked you in the water,â he complains as you release him.
You narrow your eyes. âHow do you know about that?â
âHe sent me the video.â
âMinghao!â you exclaim, turning to the boy who is now treading around a meter in front of you. He only shrugs and grins cheekily.
âIt was really funny,â Jun tells you with a laugh. âI might just post it on my story.â
âOh my god, donât you dare.â
Jun only shakes his head and starts slowly swimming further into the lake. âDonât worryâI wouldnât do that. Minghao canât have any dating rumors, now can he?â
You chew on your lip, not responding. Minghao doesnât say anything either, only chuckling along with your brother as he follows after him. You arenât sure what to say to that, and the comment leaves some uneasy feeling hanging in your stomach.
Fuck, maybe you did hit your head hard.
You three spend a good few hours out in the lake until itâs evening. Itâs a slow day and you start to realize just how much you missed spending time with your brother and Minghao like thisâit isnât often they get the opportunity to do things like this, so youâre grateful that they decided to share some of their few days of peace with you.
The second day is even hotter than the first, and you wake from your sleep early in the morning when the sky is still blooming with purple and orange hues. Crawling out from your bed, you make your way downstairs. If it was just you and your brother, you wouldnât be so mindful about keeping your noise levels down because god knows that Jun can sleep through just about anything, but, Minghao is with you guys now, and youâd hate to sour his experience even just a little by accidentally waking him up for being too loud.
So you can imagine your surprise when you walk into the kitchen to see Minghao already leaning against the counter as he scrolls through his phone. He hasnât noticed you and you contemplate leaving it like that for a few moments.
Heâs wearing a tight fit, black, sleeveless top that shows off the curve of his shoulders and lets the sparkle of his silver chain glint under the morning light. Minghao is attractiveâyou and the millions of people in his comments know thatâand you feel an odd sense of pride well up in your stomach that youâre one of the few people who get to see him like this.
With his hair messy and brushing over his eyes, legs crossed over each other as he presses his body weight against the kitchen island, bare skin glowing from the natural light, heâs beautiful.
Your face heats up when you realize youâve just been staring at him, so you quickly clear your throat. âGood morning,â you chirp, walking into the kitchen so he can finally see you.
Minghao looks up from his phone, tucking it into the pocket of his sweatpants to greet you with a smile. âHey, I didnât know you were up. Howâs your head doing?â he asks shyly, walking over to casually run his hand over that same spot on the crown of your head.
Itâs an oddly intimate gesture, and if you didnât know any better, your heart might have given out from the way he was touching you. Still, you know heâs just checking to see if itâs swollen, but your heart flutters anyways.
âI-itâs fine,â you reply, opening the fridge to pull out some orange juice as his hand drops. âI didnât know you were an early riser. Jun always sleeps in whenever he gets the chance.â
âYeah, well thatâs why heâs paged as a literal cat by everyone,â Minghao says with a chuckle as you place a jug on the counter. âDo you want some tea? Iâm just boiling the water now so I can add some more if you want.â
âSure, thatâll be nice.â You pour yourself some orange juice. âDo you want to eat something? I brought some cupcakes to have for breakfast,â you offer, reaching into one of the bags you didnât unpack to pull out a box.
âAre they those cupcakes?â
âYupâthe one and only!â you exclaim, opening the lid to show him. Minghao grins, pulling two out.
âGod, I missed these. Yâknow, Jun actually gave your recipe to Mingyu too, but he just doesnât make them the same,â Minghao tells you, and your eyes light up.
âReally? Poor Mingyu,â you say with a sigh.
âIf you ever end up visiting us in Korea, you should really make some,â Minghao suggests as he goes to take care of the boiling water, dropping some tea leaves into it before moving the water into a pot. Then, pulling out two small cups and plates, he says, âMe and Jun have told the others about how good you make them, but they really need to try them.â
âIâd love to,â you say with a grin, giddy with the way Minghao is boosting your ego. As he pours out the tea into two mugs, you put the cupcakes on the small plates, looking out to the glass sliding door which leads to the porch by the lake. âYou want to eat outside? The sky looks really beautiful now, and the weather looks like itâs nice too.â
Minghao nods, holding up the two mugs while you grab the plates and follow him outside and onto the little shaded porch where you sit by two of the chairs and the small, knee level coffee table. The sky is still deep in its changing colors, and you pull out your phone to take some pictures.
âCan you take some pictures of me? For my WeVerse and Instagram and stuff?â he asks when youâre done, holding out his phone in your direction.
âYeah, of course.â Leaning back after you grab his phone, you position yourself as Minghao poses. âLean back a little more so the background canâyeah, perfect âŠâ You take a few photos, and Minghao nods happily when you show him.
âCan you take some more candid ones?â
âSure, letâs switch spots. I think itâll look nicer if it looks like youâre looking out to the lake from here,â you suggest, getting up from your seat. Minghao complies without protest and you spend a few more minutes taking some pictures before finally handing him the phone. âYou like them?â
âHell yeah I do,â he says, looking through his phone. âYouâre great at this,â he compliments sincerely.
âIâm used to taking the kinda pictures you guys like now ⊠Jun has trained me well,â you joke, sitting back in the seat and reaching for your own cup of tea. Itâs quiet for a few moments as you both relax and watch the sky grow brighter by the minute.
Jun wakes up an hour later, trudging out his room with groggy eyes as you poke fun of him. The morning is slow for a short while after that before Minghao is reminding you all that you need to start heading back home. The two of them are leaving for Korea in two days, after all, and that leaves them with only today and tomorrow to completely bask in themselves and the rest of their family, so you pack your things and end your stay at the cabin before the clock hits noon.
That night, after you drive yourself and Jun home and you retreat to the comfort of your apartment, you flop down onto your couch and pull out your phone. Youâre met with a few notifications from WeVerse and Instagram, casually scrolling through the apps when your eyes catch a few familiar pictures.
Itâs on Instagram and you recognize the bright orange of the rising sky that sits behind Minghao who is smiling into the camera. The next picture is a candid one of him looking at the lake while he drinks some tea, and the third is a picture of the cupcake you made.
You grin at the pictureâthe rest of the world wonât know it, but you definitely doâitâs a little piece of you that Minghao is sharing with the world. Though, you arenât sure if he put as much thought into it as you are right now.
Brushing it off as Minghao just wanting to share a pretty picture of a nice looking cupcake, you purse your lips together only for them to be parted when you read his caption.
iâm a weirdo
Scrolling through the comments, you come across people saying, many among the following:
ur not a weirdo >:c fellow radiohead fanatic i see is the8 a certified creep? o: i didnât know minghao liked radiohead ⊠another reason to stan!
As you ignore the increased palpitating of your heart at the idea that Minghao quoted a line from, in your opinion, âyour guysâ song.â you sit and think for a moment about what to do. You consider just liking the post and scrolling past it before a funny thought crosses your mind, and so you start typing into the comments.
i wonder who took these pics lol
No oneâs going to see it. Minghao is definitely not going to see it, but you giggle to yourself anyways. Youâre about to put your phone down when you get a notification of a reply to your comment. Curious, you open it up, and see that itâs just a random person.
imagine itâs his gf
You laugh to yourself. You wish.
The last day or two with Jun goes as they always do when heâs hereâslow, but all that you need. He spends his time at your parents house and you stop by for lunch and dinner the day after you both return from the lake house.
The afternoon, you both went down to the cafe and stocked up on chocolate bunsâJunâs requestâand spent the rest of your time until evening going over your plans for the rest of the summer. You enjoy this part, always. Not Jun leavingâof course notâbut spending these tame moments with him.
It makes you wonder what things would have been like if he never left. Maybe heâd move out for university someplace else, but youâd get to see him more, probably. Get to hang out with him every weekend, instead of every two months.
You shake yourself off the thought as you drive to your parents house. Having Jun around more often would be nice, but there isnât any point in dreaming about the impossible.
As you pull up to the driveway and park your car, you notice Minghao standing out by the front door with his suitcase and a bag. âHey, looking for Jun?â
âWell, yeah. Of course I wanna say bye to you both before you go ⊠is the van here yet?â
âNah, itâs still taking some time but Jun is on the other side of the house to see if the car is gonna come from that side,â he explains.
âIâm gonna miss you guys ⊠you know when youâre both going to come next?â you ask, voice softer than you anticipated.
âI really donât knowâIâm sorry. You know how things are.â
âYeah,â you mumble, shoulders deflating as you look down at the ground..
âI knowâitâs not ⊠it's not easy for Jun, either, I can tell. It isnât easy for any of us to leave.â When Minghao finishes speaking you only nod, and as your eyes meet,you feel like thereâs something he wants to say. âHey,â he murmurs quietly.
A heavy hand is placed on your shoulder, and you feel you might as well sink to the ground and let the earth swallow you up. âIf youâre going to talk aboutââ
âHear me out, yeah?â Minghao cuts you off, and when you open your mouth in protest, he continues. âDonât âŠâ he inhales deeply before saying, âDonât take what Iâm about to say the wrong way, okay?â
You cross your arms over your chest. âThat really depends on what youâre going to say.â
âOkay, just ⊠just listen. Jun, and me, and Yiren, and Renjunââ God, why is he bringing this up? ââwe arenât trying to hurt you.â
âOf course I know that.â Your eyebrows knit together and Minghao sighs at your reaction, letting his hand fall from your shoulder. You miss the touch, but your mind is a little too preoccupied with trying to decipher Minghaoâs words to dwell on it.
âIâm just saying ⊠you shouldnât try to depend on anyone.â You open your mouth and then close it, trying to figure out how the hell he expects you to respond to this.
âWhat dâyou mean?â
âWell I mean,â he huffs before continuing, shoving his hands in his pockets, âyou obviously have been ⊠upset about people leaving you and you canât expect everyone to stick around forever.â
âIf youâre talking about Renjun, he was my boyfriend. I think itâs okay for me to expect someone who Iâm dating to âstick around,â even though it might not be forever.â
âI guess, but itâs not just Renjun, right? Jun ⊠Yiren ⊠me âŠâ he voice trails off.
âI basically spent my whole middle and high school years around you and Yiren, and Jun is literally my brother. Do you think me wanting the people I quite literally grew up around to be here for me is being âdependant?ââ
âI donât know what to tell you. I mean we were all going to grow up eventually? Look, donât take this the wrong way andââ
âExcuse me?â you blurt out harshly, taking a step back, scoffing before you continue. âI wouldnât be taking this the wrong way if you obviously didnât mean it the wrong way. You basically just said Iâm not independent.â
Minghao frowns at your reaction before responding, âI didnât say that. I just said you shouldnât depend on anyone.â
âWhich implies that I am depending on people unnecessarily!â
Minghao adjusts his backpack straps as he says, âI mean you did cry for quite a while about how people are leaving you. I just donât want you to get more hurt by being dependent on others.â
âThanks for the concern,â you shoot sarcastically, âbut Iâm not dependent on anyone. I was upset that night because all the people closest to me have moved away and if you ask any normal person, Iâm pretty sure theyâd agree that thatâs a valid reason to cry a little. So sorry if that was too much for you.â You say the last part with disgust laced on your tongue, and you watch Minghaoâs face grow increasingly sour as you go on.
âOkay, now youâre just twisting my words,â Minghao huffs, glancing around to make sure that no one is close by.
âWhat the hell Minghao,â you scoff, clenching your fists at your side. You donât want to be the person to jump down his throat, but you canât help but feel like youâre being talked down to. âWhyâwhy are you acting like Iâm still a little kid. Iâm more than Junâs little sister, you do know that right?â
âOh my god, seriously?â Minghao retorts, eyebrows rising in a mix of disbelief and irritation. âYou think thatâs what this is about? For fuckâs sake Iâm just looking out for you.â
âExactly!â you exclaim, pointing an accusing finger at him. âThereâs no reason for that! Like I said, Iâm not some little girl anymore and Iâve been looking out for myself for years. You just happened to catch me in a moment where I let myself be sad about it which, again, is a totally valid thing to be sad about.â
âI donât want to see you get hurt.â
âWell congratulations! You were unsuccessful,â you mumble out, feeling an ugly knot build up in your throat. âI trusted you,â you say softly, and Minghao looks at you with eyes so apologetic you almost think about forgiving him. âThat night after I saw RenjunâI-I trusted you,â you add more harshly this time. âAnd I cried to you even though we havenât properly spoken in fuck knows how long and you take all that and make me out to seem like some sort of defenseless kidââ
âCan you stopâyouâre putting words into my mouth. I never said you were defenseless or not independent or anything like thatâI donât even know why you think I would think of you like that because you know thatâs not true.â
âMinghao, I donât know if youâve realized but itâs been years since we've talked properly. Just becauseââ You take a deep breath before continuing your bitter words. ââjust because you get to live your stupidly amazing life with my brother by your side doesnât mean that you know me and that I know you, because clearly we donât know each other at all!â
âIâm sorry?â he says exasperatedly. âSorry I care about you or whatever, even though things have changed.â
You scowl, and in your right mind you wouldnât let your next words slip out of your mouth. âWell donât. Iâve been fine without your sympathy so far, Iâm pretty sure I can go on a bit longer.â
Minghao is about to respond, you can tell from the way his hands fiddle at his sides, but then thereâs a buzzing and you reach into your pocket to pull out your phone. âHey Jun,â you say, answering the call without meeting Minghaoâs gaze. â⊠Yeah, heâs with me, weâre just waiting for the car ⊠okay Iâll tell him.â
Tucking the device back into your pocket, you look at Minghao. âJun is asking for you on the other side of the house. You should go,â you say flatly and you can tell from the look on his face that he wants to say more, but holds back.
Grabbing his suitcase, he tears his eyes from you and doesnât look back after saying, âSee you,â walking away and around the corner of the street. Thereâs that similar chill that takes over your body when Minghao says the same words Renjun said just a few nights before, and you silently wonder if this is history repeating itself.
âSo,â Yiren says as she plops down onto your couch, kicking her feet up onto your coffee table. âHowâd meeting with Renjun go? He give you your shit back?â
âWhy wouldnât he?â you grumble as you walk over and nudge her legs to get her to put them down. âAnd you canât just flop down and sit! Put your suitcase away so itâs not in the middle of the room,â you order, trying to be stern as Yiren sticks her tongue out at you.
âSo bossyâyour best friend is visiting your cute little abode and you canât help her out with her stuff?â Yiren juts out her bottom lip into a pout as you sit next to her and wrap your arms around her waist, sinking into the couch. âOkay whatâs going on. Youâre being extra snappish âŠâ she asks a bit more seriously, pulling away from your hold to get a better look at you. âWas it Renjun? Did he say something before he left?â
âNo!â you say quickly, looking away bashfully, leaning back against the arm rest. You fucking wish you were in this sour mood because of Renjun because you could manage that. Renjun is gone, and it would hurt but youâd get over it.
You arenât sure how long itâll take to get over Minghao, if you ever do at all.
âAre you lying to me? You know I can tell when youâre not telling the truth.â
âI am telling the truth.â Just not all of it, you think to yourself.
Yiren sighs loudly, sitting up straight and facing you completely. âYou are so bad at this. Câmon tell meâwhatâd he say? Or was it not RenjunâJun? Which Jun was it? Did you and Jun fight?â
âIââ
âLike that one time two years ago and you didnât talk to each other until he came back a month later andââ
You cringe at the memory, slapping a hand over her mouth. âYiren donât bring that up. I hated that.â
âOkay sorry,â she says sheepishly. âBut seriouslyâwhat was it? Renjun? Jun? Which one? Or waitâMinâoh my gosh, donât tell me it was Minghao!â When you take more than a second to respond, Yiren gasps. âOh god, it was Minghao.â
She stands up quickly, looking down at your figure on the couch. Before you can say anything, she turns on her heel and walks towards your kitchen. âHey, where are you going!â you call out to her, sitting upright.
Yiren doesnât respond, only reaching into the fridge and pulling out two cans of pop. Walking back, she sits down in front of you and hands you a Cola, opening her own Sprite herself. âCâmon, you need to tell me about this. The pop is just here for emotional support.â
You narrow your eyes at her. You thought you were dealing with the effects of your argument with Minghao perfectly fine, but as you look down at the cold can in front of you, an uneasy feeling bubbles up in your stomach. Taking a deep breath, you set the can down on your coffee table, leaving it unopened.
Yiren gapes at you with wide eyes. âYouâre not going to have it?â Neck hanging low, you shake your head, and you hear her gasp quietly. âOh my gosh, you just turned down a Cola,â she mutters, grabbing a pillow and pushing it in your direction. âOkay now you need to tell me whatâs going on.â She pauses, shuffling closer, adding softly, âItâs okay, you can cry.â
And just like that, the dam breaks and stray tears fall from your lashes as you clutch the pillow close to your chest, blubbering your mind away to your best friend.
âI donât even get itâI thought I was over him?â you question aloud. âLike when I was with Renjun I was happy and I didnât think about Minghao because Renjun was great and he was so nice but he justââ you choke back a sob and Yiren pats your back.
âBut he left,â she murmurs softly and you want to cry harder because Yiren left too, but then you remind yourself of what Minghao said. Taking a deep breath, your wipe your face of your tears and although your lips still quiver, you start to speak.
âItâs okay,â you mutter, because it isn't like you havenât cried over this before. âI justâI guess I havenât really tried hard enough.â
âTried to ⊠what exactly?â
You huff, throwing your back onto the couch as you look up at the ceiling. âYou know: get over him.â
Yiren chuckles a little, and even through your sniffles, you laugh with her. âWhat are you sayingâyou gonna fuck around now?â
âMaybe not fuck around,â you say, crossing your legs. âMore like ⊠have some fun.â
âSo basically fuck around.â
âYiren!â
âOh câmonâyou need me to set you up with someone? My sister knows a lot ofââ
You nudge her playfully. âWhat happened to âMs. I Want Half of the Proceeds from your Wedding with Minghao?ââ
âFirst of all,â Yiren waves a finger at you pointedly, âI only asked for 25%, but if you two can come back from this, I will be asking for at least 50% because I have been rooting for you two since day one.â
âArenât you the one whoâs trying to set me up with other guys?â
âThatâs only because you come first to me. Your relationship with Minghaoââ
âThe nonexistent one,â you correct and Yiren glares at you.
âOkay fine. Your nonexistent relationship with Minghao comes second. I want to see you happy. If you get to be happy with Minghao thatâs just an added plus because, you know, 50% of all the gifts andââ
âYouâre getting 25% max.â
âDonât worry. Thereâs still time for plenty of negotiation andââ
âYiren!â
You donât live up to Yirenâs expectationsâin her words, she wanted you to have a hot girl summer, but you couldnât be bothered to go through with it. Well, sort of.
The next two months go along as your summers usually do. You take up a job near your apartment, working through the morning and afternoon, spending your evenings at home or occasionally out with Jianing.
Jianing doesnât know much about anything when it comes to your (nonexistent) relationship with Minghao, and you figure she doesnât need to. When you need a distraction, all it takes is a quick message asking her to accompany you for whatever endeavors you have going on for the night and sheâs on board.
Itâs a slow summer, but you donât really mind. Not burdened with the stress of your classes and with Jun and Minghao gone for the next two months for their own performances and promotions, you have time to focus on yourself.
Occasional parties, indulging in hobbies, daily walks in the mornings, late nights of binge watching TV shows, outings with Jianingâitâs all a part of a simple routine that youâve curated to do one thing, and one thing only: relax.
Itâs only near the end of the summer, around three weeks before your classes are set to resume, that Jun calls you to let you know heâs coming home with Minghao. He seems pretty casual about it, and youâre reminded about how Minghao probably didnât mention anything about your argument to your brother, which youâre thankful for.
Itâs a passing thought that youâll have to figure out how you want to act when you finally face him again. Whatever. Thatâs a problem for another time. Right now, you relax.
That problem for another time seems to have become a problem for now. Jun came home two days ago and things were alrightâno run-ins to Minghao and you spend time with your brother like you usually do whenever he returns: with bickering and meals.
Itâs only on the third day that things become a little ⊠a little iffy. Your brother texts you in the evening to get ready quickly because heâs stopping by with Minghao for dinner at his place, and itâs all happening so quickly that you donât have time to come up with an excuse.
So here you are, throwing on your sacred pink jacket because itâs the first thing in your vision, some old jeans, and waiting outside your apartment building much less enthusiastically than youâd like. Itâs only a matter of minutes before your phone buzzes with a text from Jun letting you know heâs here and you see Minghaoâs car pulling up in front of you.
Making your way to the back door where you usually sit with the two of them, you furrow your brows seeing Jun sitting in your usual spot.
âSit in the front,â Jun orders when you go to open the back door, âI wanna lay down.â You shrug, making your way to the passenger seat as Jun settles into the back, resting his head on the window while kicking his legs up onto the other two seats.
âHi,â you say quietly to Minghao who nods and speaks his own quick greeting, averting his attention to the wheel in front of him without much more than that.
âPlease,â he huffs, watching Jun through the rear view mirror, âdonât put your shoes on the seats. I just had the car cleaned.â Jun clicks his tongue and kicks his shoes off, continuing to lay back in the seat as Minghao starts the car. The ride is silent as he drives toward the restaurant, both you and Jun on your phones while Minghao has his eyes trained on the road.
Once he parks in front of the place, you watch from the corner of your vision to see Minghao unbuckling his seatbelt before your brother speaks up.
âYou guys can wait here, Iâm gonna grab the food,â Jun says, slipping in his shoes and making his way to the restaurant, leaving you and Minghao in thickening silence. His hands are resting on his thighs and you press your head on the window, looking out as you try to focus on anything but this.
âUh,â Minghao clears his throat, and you silently brace yourself for what he might say. âNice jacket.â
Oh.
Glancing down at what youâre wearing, you twiddle with the hem of the familiar pink jacket. You wonder if this is Minghaoâs way of holding out a figurative olive branch, and then you think harder about if youâre willing to accept it. âThanks,â you reply, matting a hand over your hair before turning your attention to Jun whoâs walking towards your car now.
Slipping into the back seat, he shakes the plastic bag in the air as he buckles himself in. âTakeout secured. Letâs go back to your place now,â Jun says, tapping on Minghaoâs shoulder from behind. Thereâs an odd tension in the air, and you donât doubt that Jun feels it, although he keeps his mouth shut about it.
No one says a word until Minghao is parking in his driveway and unlocking the front door. You follow behind the two of them, Jun grabbing the food as you enter Minghaoâs house.
âWhat are you doing tomorrow?â Jun asks, putting the takeout bag on the coffee table of the living room as you all begin to settle down.
You shrug off your coat as you say, âUh, I have to go back to my place and go out for the afternoon and evening with Jianing. Me and her have this little monthly date day thing, and weâre going to the city.â
âWha-a-a-t,â Jun drawls out, a frown etched onto his face. You narrow your eyes at him, shrugging.
âWhat? Itâs not like youâre leaving right after tomorrow.â
âYeah, but Iâm not here for long. I wanted to do something tomorrow, since I might be doing stuff after that!â Jun whines, pointing at Minghao. âWe might be going to this cool store and take some pictures and stuff.â
You huff, slightly annoyed as you flop down on a couch. âOkay well canât you do that tomorrow then? I already have plans.â
Jun pouts, and if he wasnât so on your nerves right now, you would poke some fun at him. âWhy-y-y? You knew I was coming this week!â
âWell itâs not like I can clear my schedule for you. If you wanted to do something you shouldâve told me earlier!â
âI let you know last week I was coming down!â
âJun,â you say with a half laugh, noticing the way Minghaoâs eyes have been flickering back and forth between you two through the whole conversation, âone week is not enough time to change some plans. Iâve been meeting with Jianing consistently at this time of month for over a year!â
âBut stillââ
âItâs not like if I showed up to Korea whenever the timeâs convenient for me, youâd drop everything youâre doing to spend time with me!â you exclaim.
Junâs fists ball at his side before he says, âThatâs because my job is important andââ
âThe stuff I do in my life might not seem important to you but it is very much important to me. Sorry Iâve made commitments to other people before I even knew you were coming, but I donât know why youâd expect me to drop all my plans just for you. Itâs not even like we arenât going to see each other afterwards too.â
âWell Iâd only hope thatâs the caseâI only ever see you once every few months so sorry for wanting to take some of your time.â
âGuysââ Minghao starts to say, standing between the two of you but when both you and Jun glare at him, he steps back.
âDo you think your time is worth more than mine or something?â you scoff at Jun, ignoring Minghao.
âYou know I didnât mean it like that.â
âIâm sorry, what exactly did you mean it like then?â you hiss.
Jun sucks in a breath between clenched teeth and runs a hand through his hair. âYou know what I meant. Things are justâtheyâre different. You wouldnât understand.â
âRight yeah. I wonât understand because I donât have all these girls throwing themselves at me, making me think Iâm entitled to everyoneâs damn time.â Maybe you crossed a line with that one, but youâre too angry to care now. Hot tears well up in your lash line, threatening to fall any moment now.
âYou were the one who was being a brat when you found out I was going to go to Korea in the first place!â Jun exclaims. âFucking hell, why are you making such a big deal out of me wanting to spend some time with you now?â
Your face screws up into some kind of ugly frown at the words, and you clench your fists as your side. âA brat?â you repeat. âA brat? Is that seriously what you think of me?
âWell you did make a pretty damn big scene about me leaving, so yeah, maybe I do feel entitled to some of your time seeing that you were the one who was desperate for it in the first place.â
âDesperate? Are you kidding meâdesperate? I was sixteen and you dumped the fact that you were moving away in like less than two months on me âof course I was upset but desperate? Well fuck you too I guess.â You punctuate the last word by turning on your heel, grabbing your coat off and marching past Minghao and over to the door.
You donât hear Jun say anything after you do, and for that you are grateful because you donât think youâll be able to handle hearing his voice again. Walking out the foyer past the door, you stomp your way to your car, forcefully yanking the driverâs seat open and plopping yourself down with a heavy thud.
Without a word, you press your forehead against the steering and scream a loud and painful, âFUCK!â You canât even remember a damn thing you or Jun said but all that throttles in your head is the word brat and you feel you might just pull the steering wheel off your stupid car and tear just about everything else apart too.
The prospect is pretty tempting, actually, and in your red, you continue to hit your head, albeit gently, against the wheel as you mutter incoherent curses to yourself. The thud of your skull against the smooth letter rings in your ears until it becomes all that you can hear, so loud that it almost drowns out the knocking sound that comes from outside.
âHoly shit!â you gasp, when you see Minghao from the corner of your vision, standing outside your car with his lips pressed into the thin line. Rolling down your windows, you grimace. âYou fucking scared me so bad. Please never creep up on me like that again.â
He narrows his eyes at you. âDonât fucking storm out like that again then,â Minghao says, and your eyes widen slightly when you hear his voice. Itâs harder, firmer, more serious than youâve ever heard before.
âWhat are youââ
âYou canât drive when itâs night and youâre sobbingââ
âI am not sobbing,â you fruitlessly choke out, wiping some tears off your cheek as you straighten your back and glare at him.
âLook I get youâre mad at Jun and all but can you please calm down and talk to me soââ
You let out a humorless laugh as you begin to roll your windows back up. âDonât even get me started on you.â
Minghao clicks his tongue as he sticks a hand into your window to stop it from going up any further, looking sideways for a second before turning back to you. âOkay well I donât want you to drive yourself home like this. Itâs not safe.â
âI am not staying here tonight.â
âThen let me drive you home,â Minghao suggests and you open up to object but no words come out. âYou agree? Câmon, step out.â You let out nothing more than a huff as you open the door, slipping out quickly and shuffling to the other side where you sit with your arms crossed over your chest, bottom lip jutting out into a pout.
Minghao has already taken your spot, hands on the same steering wheel that you were planning on smashing with your head just minutes ago. Heâs quiet for a few moments as he backs out of the driveway and starts driving down the street, the car echoing nothing but your soft sniffles that havenât seemed to stop.
When Minghao opens his mouth again, youâre bracing yourself for a round of chiding, but all that comes out is a one-word question. âPop?â He takes your silence as a confirmation, and soon enough Minghao is pulling up to that same convenience store. âDo you want me to get it for you?â he asks after heâs parked in front of the convenience store.
You purse your lips together, finally letting yourself turn to look at him. You really want to be mad at him but when you catch the way his fingers are shoved into his pockets, teeth gnawing at his bottom lip as he awaits your answer, you start to realize that Minghao might be just as apprehensive about this as you are.
âItâs fine,â you mutter, unbuckling your seatbelt so you can get out, Minghao following you quickly.
Youâre the first to walk in this time, grabbing a Cola for yourself before looking at Minghao with a raised brow. When he nods, you toss him another can and he makes his way to the cash register. Heâs about to pull out his wallet when youâre brushing past him and getting there first, holding up your card to the machine proudly.
âJust because I donât want to be in any more debt to you,â you murmur, handing Minghao a can after youâve paid for them both. You lead the way, walking out of the door and slotting yourself into the passenger seat of your car and Minghao gets into the seat next to you, turning on the engine.
Youâre still quiet when he starts driving towards your apartment building, and you think that this is the perfect chance for you to drown in the silence. Maybe if you pretend youâre alone, youâll be able to forget about all the thoughts running through your mind.
Pressing your eyes shut, you slump down into your seat and just as youâre about to let your mind drift into the silence, you hear a familiar rattle of the snare and guitar bridge and your eyes snap open, staring at Minghao directly. He faces forward, eyes trained on the road as he pulls closer to the curb in front of your complex, sighing deeply when the car starts to slow down.
âWhat are you trying to do Minghao?â you finally say weakly, burying your face in your hands. âYouâyouâre playing Creep and you took me to get Cola and all you were supposed to do was take me home soââ
âCan I not try to make you feel better? I donât want you to be upset, so Iâm sorry if Iâm trying to do the things I know you enjoy,â Minghao responds with a heavy breath, parking in front of your building just like that night he did when he picked you up from the bus stop after you met with Renjun.
The deep strumming of guitar and vibrations of the bass bounce off the walls of your car, and you slip into your seat as the words of the song sink in.âWhat the hell am I doing here?â Glancing up at Minghao, your vision grows blurry. âMinghao âŠâ your voice is quiet and strained when you call for him, and in that moment, you know.
All those years ago when you wanted to kiss him and hold him and pull him close, but you didnât because you were scared. When you wanted to let your tongues collide and tug at his hair, but you didnât because you had so much to lose.
You still have so much to lose, but youâre not scared anymore.
And it seems Minghao isnât either.
Tonight, you get to taste the lingering drops of Cola on his tongue. You get to feel his arms fumbling over the armrest, slipping around your waist and yanking you onto his lap. You get to hold his neck and let your fingers sit in his hair. You get to indulge.
Minghaoâs mouth is hot against yours, tongue lapping at your bottom lip when you take a sacred moment to breathe on top of him before your eyes are fluttering back shut and your lips mold into one once again. He hugs you so close you donât know how you can still breathe, donât know how your bones donât melt into each other in this burning moment.
Your lips work fervently to slide against each other in a wet, calculated mess that has you whimpering into Minghaoâs mouth when one of his hands cups your jaw. His thumb is soft against your cheekbone when he tilts your head to the side so that your noses brush against either and his lips delve deeper into the caverns of your mouth.
You donât know how long you two go at it, fingers grappling at whatever skin you can, Minghaoâs hand brushing under your shirt and stroking the plush of your hips. And when you feel like you canât breathe anymore because your heart is so full, you pull away, letting the thin string of saliva connect your shiny lips.
Your brain is foggy and you and Minghao simply sit in the comfortable silence. Well, almost comfortable silence.
You shouldnât try to depend on anyone.
âW-wait,â you stutter when Minghao leans forward in hopes to catch your lips in another fleeting kiss. âOh my god,â you mutter to yourself, pushing his shoulders back against the seat as you try to shuffle off his lap.
Minghao holds your waist tightly, but you break free of the grasp. âWhat are you doiâhey, wait a sec!â
âYou said youâre trying to make me feel better but you just did exactly the opposite,â you scoff, slipping on your coat as you push the car door open.
âWhat are you talking aboââ You cut him off by slamming the door, and Minghao quickly grabs your keys and follows after you. âSlow down.â
You whip around to face him, tears streaming down your face for what feels nth time tonight. âLook, you left like two months ago spewing all this stuff about how I should be independent but the second you come back you act like youâre trying so hard to make me feel better and stuff and thenââ You take a deep breath, ââthen we makeout and youâfuck I donât know, I donât know what you expect from me! Do you just expect me to forget about this and not get upset when you leave again?â you choke out. âJust keep my keys and drive yourself back to your place. Iâll pick up my car later,â you mutter.
âCan you stop doing this? Itâs just like what happened last time, and I donât want to have to leave if youâreâif weâre not okay.â
âWhat âwe?â Werenât you the one who told me to not expect anyone to stay? Iâm not going to do this âweâ and âusâ thing with someone who is just going to leave all over again. Iâm not going to expect you to stay.â
âLook, I just donât want this to be hanging over your head when Iâm gone.â
Ironic, you think to yourself. You want to tell Minghao that heâs been hanging over your head ever since you met him all those years ago, but you bite back the words.
âMinghao,â you say, your voice strained and tired, âIâm already exhausted and my brain isnât working so can you please just give me my space.â
And if Minghao is one thing, itâs not pushy, and you know that this is all it takes to get him to back off. Though, you donât miss the way his face falls as he steps back quietly.
âSee you,â he mutters through gritted teeth as he turns on his heel, and you canât tell if youâre relieved or bothered by the way he leaves so silently.
You donât see Minghao or Jun after that night. Theyârewere supposed to leave for Korea in the next four days, and so you spend those four days lodged up in your apartment, not leaving unless absolutely necessaryâyouâre scared that you might run into one of them, as pathetic as that sounds.
Jun doesnât text you and you donât text him. Itâs a bit abnormal, you two communicate at least once every two days, if not more. Itâs a bit of an unspoken rule, but now that youâre both hot-headed and very much not in the right mind, you figure some rules are meant to be broken.
Itâs two days after Jun and Minghao were scheduled to leave, the only confirmation that you got that they actually did leave being the group picture at the airport your father sent to the family group chat.
Jianing comes to your apartment when you finally call her over, quickly picking up on your sullen state.
âI donât get it,â she says with a shrug after you explain to her everything that happened between you and Jun and Minghao.
âWell yeah, I guess you donât, but this has been going on for a while,â you reply begrudgingly, sinking into your couch as she stares at you blankly from your armchair.
âJustâI dunnoâtalk to them?â
You give her a funny look. âHow?â you groan, throwing your head back. âThey wonât be back for like a month at least, and I donât want to call them.â
âI forget theyâre famous sometimesâ Jianing mutters, rolling her eyes, and you laugh at the comment.
âYou and me both,â you say, straightening your back.
âBut still, I donât get it. I mean just visit them?â she suggests casually.
âI canât just fly up to Korea unannounced!â you exclaim, bewildered.
Jianing rolls her eyes at you and you frown. âWhy not? I mean you just said this might go on for a while if you donât talk to them so I donât get it. Just go see them.â
YOURS TRULY
you: chan i need ur help [8:13 AM] chan: this is ur first time texting me in three months [8:15 AM] chan: so i am going to assume this is pretty important [8:15 AM] you: iâm at incheon airport [8:16 AM] chan: what [8:17 AM] you: what [8:17 AM] chan: jun didnât say anything about u coming??! [8:19 AM] you: DONâT TELL HIM [8:19 AM] chan: what ⊠[8:20 AM] you: iâm surprising him [8:20 AM] chan: ????? [8:21 AM] chan: who knows [8:21 AM] you: um you do [8:21 AM] chan: thank u [8:22 AM] chan: so what do u need [8:22 AM] you: can u pick me up [8:23 AM] chan: i donât have a choice do i [8:24 AM] you: nope :3 [8:24 AM]
When black SUV stops in front of you by the curb at the airport, you smile brightly, waving at the driver as the windows begin to roll down. Youâre about to chirp a quick, âHi Chan!â but the words get caught in your throat when you see whoâs driving.
âJeonghan?â you ask confusedly. He waves at you from the front seat, and Chan sticks his head in from the back to look at you through the window.
âIâm sorry!â he exclaims, opening the door to help you pull in your suitcase and get situated into the back seat. âLook, I tried to leave without anyone noticing but they saw me so I told them I was going to the gym, but he said he wanted to come and ââ Chan glares at the man in the passenger seat, ââ I donât even know why since he hasnât gone to the gym in agesââ
âWatch it Chan!â Jeonghan calls out from the front as the cat starts to move, pulling an eye roll out of the boy sitting next to you.
âWhatever. Basically, I had no choice but to bring him along and tell them I was actually picking you up.â
âYou guys didnât tell Jun, did you?â you ask worriedly.
âIâno,â Jeonghan says. âAnd even if we tried, he wonât be awake for another hour or whatever. Thatâs besides the point anywaysâChan is terrible at lying.â
âYou caught me off guard! I wasnât expecting to see anyone this morning, so I didnât have any excuses prepared âŠâ Chan huffs, sinking into his seat as you glance back and forth between them nervously.
âThank you for trying anyways,â you say sincerely, adjusting in your seat. âI know this was all really sudden but I didnât plan anything out and I kinda ended up here before I could even process anything,â you add.
âHey, Minghao was telling us about these really good cupcakes you makeâif you have time, can you bake them for us?â Chan asks, out of the blue.
You give him a funny look and then smile. âSure, if I have the time. Iâd like toâthey told me Mingyu tries to make them for you guys.â
âYeah! That wouldââ
âThank you, but Iâm going to assume that you are here for a reason other than making us your infamous cupcakes,â Jeonghan says, merging onto the freeway.
âAs much as Iâd love for that to be why Iâm here, youâre right,â you mutter, resting your head against the headrest.
âIs everything alright?â Jeonghan asks.
As youâre about to respond, Chan chimes in. âThis is about Jun, isnât it?â
âAiâChannie, donât jump to conclusions,â Jeonghan reprimands but Chan shakes his head, holding his hand up as he turns to you with wide eyes.
âNo, no, Iâm not assuming anything. Iâm right, arenât I?â Partly. Chan continues. âWell itâs justâI can kinda tell. Heâs being a little snappier. Jeonghan wouldnât know butââ
Jeonghan gives Chan a warning look through the rear view mirror. âWhat do you mean I wouldnât know?â
âHannie, just listen to me. So me and Soonyoung and Minghao and Jun have been practicing at night rightâfor that next performanceâand you know that Jun has a bit of a temper, especially in the night, but I donât knowâitâs just been different recently.â
You stifle a scoff when Chan mentions Jun having a short temper, looking out the window hoping no one heard. Jun does have a bit of a fiery streak, but the truth is that youâre just as sporadic as him.
Fire meets fire. Huh, wonder what that makes. More fire, probably. Thatâs what got you here, isnât it? Unfortunately.
âHas, uh,â you pause wondering if you should ask this, but curiosity does kill the cat, after all. âHas Minghao seemed ⊠off?â
Jeonghan narrows his eyes at you. âWhatâs Minghao got to do with this? Did something happen with him too?â Curse that emotionally intelligent man.
Chan eyes flicker between the ground and you. âItâs hard to tell when Minghao is upset. He seems normal even when heâs upset so I canât really tell ⊠why though?â
âJustâjust a lot of stuff. I think I need to see them both. Separately.â
Jeonghan nods, pursing his lips together before responding, âDo you need our help?â
Jeonghan takes you to his apartment first so you have a moment to drop your suitcase off somewhere, and you get to say hi to Seungkwan who youâre pretty sure didnât even recognize you in his drowsy state.
âWhereâre we going?â you ask when you get back outside of the building heading towards the car.
âCâmon, letâs walk,â Chan says, pulling you away from the car.
âJunâs apartment building is just down the street here,â Jeonghan explains. âHe should be sleeping right now, so just wake him up.â
âAre you kidding me? He might kill me!â you complain with a frown.
Chan huffs, âWell you did come here unannounced and without a plan, so you donât have much of a choice anyways.â
You chew on your lip as you fruitlessly try to come up with an answer, sighing in defeat when you come up with nothing.
âExactly,â Jeonghan concludes, stopping in front of a building thatâs built similar to his. âAnyways, his suite number is 345 on the third floor. You should know the code to his apartment right?â
You nod, but then shake your head. âI know it, but I think Iâll just knock until he wakes up. He might actually kill me if someone shows up inside his home unannounced.â
Chan laughs at that when the two of you lead you to the elevator of this new building. âThat, he might.â
âSo encouraging,â you mutter, sticking your tongue out at them as the elevator door opens. âAnyways, thank you for helping me, really. Iâll make cupcakes if I make it out of this alive,â you promise while you step in.
âYou better!â Jeonghan calls out as the doors slide shut and the elevator begins to take you up.
Itâs now, when youâre alone, that it all begins to sink in. Youâre in Korea. Youâre about to see Jun. You might dieâokay maybe youâre being a little dramatic, but you arenât sure what to do with yourself so your mind is jumping towards the worst possible scenario as you reach the third floor and make your way to his apartment.
You stand in front of room 345 for a few moments once you arrive, not even sure if youâll manage to go through with this. What the fuck are you even going to say?
(Un?)fortunately, you have a tendency to not think before you act, and before you have a second of thought your knuckles are rapping against the door. Itâs silent for a moment and you wonder if you should go again.
Taking a deep breath, you continue knocking on the door at a steady rate before you hear soft footsteps growing louder in volume until they stop at the door. You hold your breath and let your hand fall, fisting it at your sides in anticipation.
When you see the door crack open, a wave of relief washes over you. But when you see Junâs blank face as he looks down on you, a new sense of uneasiness takes over.
âWhat are you doing in my apartment?â Ah, how nostalgic.
âSo cold. You arenât going to let me in?â
Jun rolls his eyes, and you grow more anxious because you canât tell if heâs being playful or not. He steps to the side though, and you quickly slip through the door so he can close and lock it behind you.
âWhat are you doing here?â he reiterates and you feel your tongue go dry.
âUh, Chan told me that youâre beingâwellâhow do I put this?â you mutter to yourself, rocking back and forth on your feet.
âDifficult?â Jun guesses, bitterness laced in the word and you cringe at the tone.
âI guess.â
âI donât think you came all the way to Korea just because Chan told you I was being difficult.â
âI, uh, I talked to Jianing about it when she visited and ⊠I guess I felt I should come see you.â
âSo if Jianing didnât talk to you about this, then you just wouldnât have talked about it?â Jun asks harshly and you glare at him.
âWell itâs not like you wouldâve come talk to me about it either,â you retort, and Jun goes quiet at them. âAnd Jianing didnât make this decision for me, by the way, I made it all by myself.â
âOkay well youâre here now. What is it?â An uncomfortable silence sits between you two. âIf you only came here to just stand there and stare off into space thenââ
âJun, please shut your mouth for like one minute,â you mutter, pinching the bridge of your nose. âI-I wanted to apologize. That night I ⊠I was on edge.â Jun watches you intently as you finally meet his gaze. âThere was a lot running through my mind and I was justâjust fucking annoyed at everything and I took everything you said the worst way.â
A feeling of worry climbs up your throatâyou and Jun donât often apologize, at least not like this. Apologies usually come in the form of figurative olive treesâyou buy him a LEGO set, he buys you a gift card to your favorite cafe, or something among that. Then again, this isnât your usual argument with Jun, and maybe sometimes resorting to more traditional methods are most effective.
Jun sighs softly, not looking at you, and you grow worried that heâs even more angry than you anticipated. You brace yourself for his next possible words. âI ⊠I did say some mean stuff too. Iâm sorryâI justâI have a shitty temper. You know that. Chan probably told you that too.â Jun is silent for a second before continuing. âIs ⊠is everything okay?â
The question isnât quite what youâre expecting and you press your lips together tightly because you want to cry. You want to let the tears stream down your cheeks and tell Jun that you have no idea but also the perfect idea of what youâre doing and itâs all jumbled up mess in your head.
âI guessâI mean, I hate fighting with you,â you admit. âBut, thatâs why I came here and we didnât say goodbye the last time and I know that was partly my fault but also I missed you.â
âBut are you okay?â
âJunââ
âBecause I know youâre stubbornâit really is annoying sometimes but Iâm not one to complain,â he adds with a huff, âand I know youâre a little weirdââ
You both laugh and you point a finger at him, âWatch itâyou and me both.â
âWhatever,â he says lightly before turning to a more serious tone. âBut I never thought weâd fight again like that one time two years ago andââ
âWhy does everyone keep bringing that up!? Yiren said that too,â you sigh.
âTo make a point. Which, by the way, is me going back to asking you if everythingâs okay. I just ⊠I know that youâre a little crazy but I never thought that youâd fly over here for something that we could probably sort out over the phone. Not that Iâm not glad to see you here, I mean, I am, Iâm just ⊠worried.â
âI kissed Minghao,â you blurt out, immediately slapping a hand over your mouth after you do.
âWhat?!â Junâs eyes go wide for a moment before he relaxes a little. âIs that whatâs been up with you?â
âWhat do you mean âup with me?ââ
âMoody. Cranky. Like youâre in high school again.â
You cross your arms over your chest. âI have no idea what youâre talking about.â You chew on your lip as you try to read Junâs expression. He doesnât seem mad nor happy nor confused, and youâre running out of emotions to label him under.
âI knew you liked him in high school, you know. Thin walls, plus Yiren is loud as hell.â
âUgh, I always told her to keep it down! She didnât believe me!â
âDoesnât matter now. What you or him do isnât much of my business anyways,â Jun mutters, awkwardly stuffing his hands in the pockets of his hoodies. âI mean I guess it is, if it makes you all upset and not okay like this,â he continues.
You can tell heâs encouraging you to explain more, and you press your eyes together trying to figure what and what not you should say. âHas Minghao ⊠has he seemed different?â
âI mean not really, but also itâs hard to tell with him becauseââ Your whole finger droops and Jun quickly places a hand on your shoulder. âHey, what is this about? Did something happen? You know you can tell me.â
âItâs a lot,â you confess. âI donât know, I-I came here to talk to the both of you but I havenât even thought about what to say to him. I kind of booked my tickets last night.â
âLast night?!âJun exclaims. âAre you stupid or what?â
âMaybe I am!â you murmur, slapping your palm against your forehead. Jun looks down at your pained expression and frowns.
âYouâre not going to tell me what happened, are you?â
âWhat happened to, âI donât care what you guys do it isnât my business?ââ
âWell it is my business if youâre upset! Iâm the only person whoâs allowed to be a bitch to you.â
âWell ditto to you too!â You follow with a sigh. âI think I just need to talk to him.â
âHeâs at the gym right now. Do you want to get coffee instead?â
âHogging me all to yourself? I know you missed me but donât you think this is a little unfairâIâd like to at least say hi to the others first. Or maybe have some time to sleep. I kind of got here at like seven in the morning.â
âBe grateful! Iâm actually looking out for you, because theyâll literally hound you, plus I want to make up for not spending time with you last time I visited.â
You grin at the words, rolling your eyes playfully. âFine. But youâre paying.â
âWhen do I not pay for you?â
âLoads of times!â
âThatâs because you insist on paying for yourself.â
âIrrelevant!â you exclaim triumphantly, waving a fist in the air before Jun locks his arm around your neck and traps you in a headlock. Good times.
âWe have afternoon practice, then recording in the studio in the evening, but we should be done by like eight,â Jun explains, taking a picture of the coffee in front of him.
âMust you take a picture of everything?â you sigh, taking a sip of your own drink. Jun rolls his eyes, flicking your knee from under the table.
âI am a celebrity. I kinda need to keep records of everything I do.â
âOkay well Iâm your sister and I kinda need you to help me talk to Minghao.â
âJust likeâI dunnoâfind him and talk to him. Canât be that hard.â
âYouâugh, youâre just like Jianing,â you groan. âNo help!â
âOkay fine, fine. What do you want me to do? Corner him? Lock him into a closet and keep him there so you can talk to him? Force him toââ
âJunnie what the hell,â you mutter, slapping a hand to your forehead. âI think Iâm just going to have to ask Jeonghan and Chan for help again becauseââ
âOkay no. Iâll help. What do you need me to do?â
âHave you been listening to me? Tell me when and where I can talk to him!â
âWell I already suggested the closet but you turned that down soââ
âJun.â
âWe can try the meeting room? Heâs there a lot and itâs usually empty in the evenings. He responds to emails and shit there, I donât know, so you wonât be interrupting much.â
âYou sure itâll work?â
Jun cocks an eyebrow up. âYou donât trust me?â You kick him under the table and he winces. âOkay yes, yes, itâll work so would you stop kickingâhey! I said stop kicking!â
âWe have afternoon practice, then recording in the studio in the evening, but we should be done by like eight,â Jun explains, taking a picture of the coffee in front of him.
âMust you take a picture of everything?â you sigh, taking a sip of your own drink. Jun rolls his eyes, flicking your knee from under the table.
âI am a celebrity. I kinda need to keep records of everything I do.â
âOkay well Iâm your sister and I kinda need you to help me talk to Minghao.â
âJust likeâI dunnoâfind him and talk to him. Canât be that hard.â
âYouâugh, youâre just like Jianing,â you groan. âNo help!â
âOkay fine, fine. What do you want me to do? Corner him? Lock him into a closet and keep him there so you can talk to him? Force him toââ
âJunnie what the hell,â you mutter, slapping a hand to your forehead. âI think Iâm just going to have to ask Jeonghan and Chan for help again becauseââ
âOkay no. Iâll help. What do you need me to do?â
âHave you been listening to me? Tell me when and where I can talk to him!â
âWell I already suggested the closet but you turned that down soââ
âJun.â
âWe can try the meeting room? Heâs there a lot and itâs usually empty in the evenings. He responds to emails and shit there, I donât know, so you wonât be interrupting much.â
âYou sure itâll work?â
Jun cocks an eyebrow up. âYou donât trust me?â You kick him under the table and he winces. âOkay yes, yes, itâll work so would you stop kickingâhey! I said stop kicking!â
You twiddle your thumbs nervously behind your back as you wait in the elevator with Jeonghan. Jun had to take care of something with one of the other members, so he sent you off with the older boy to take you to the meeting room.
âHeâll be there, donât worry,â Jeonghan tells you as he pats your shoulder lightly. âI just checked his location and Iâm positive heâs there right now.â
âThanks,â you say with a sigh, shifting your weight from leg to leg, âbut Iâm more worried about what Iâm going to say. I think you already know but I planned like zero percent of this.â
âItâs becoming increasingly evident, unfortunately,â Jeonghan admits when the elevator dings and the door opens onto a floor full of rooms. âYouâll figure it out, Iâm sure, seeing as youâre just like Jun.â
âWhatâs that supposed to mean?â
Jeonghan chuckles and leads you to a door a few steps down the hallway, pointing to it. âDonât worry about it. Heâll be in there. Now if youâll excuse me, Iâll be down on floor three making some ramen,â he says cheerily, waving at you before retreating to elevatory before you have even a moment to protest.
So now youâre left with nothing but yourself and yet another door. This time, instead of knocking your life away, your hand is pressed against the knob as you debate whether or not you should turn it or not.
Once again, your body acts without your mind and youâre quietly opening the door and poking your head through the crack. Inside is Minghao with headphones over his ears, sitting at the end of a long table with his head crooked down as he scrolls through his lap top.
He doesnât hear you, but you arenât sure if itâs for the better or the worse. In some ways, you still have a chance to run, but in others, youâll have to call out to him if you want him to notice you. Gulping, you realize that youâve been too scared for too long and so you clear your throat.
âMinghao,â you call out.
It only takes a second for his eyes to shoot up, hands flying to his headphones to take them off as he takes in the sight of you in front of him. Youâre at opposite ends of the room right now, and you nervously shut the door behind you as you finally meet his gaze.
âWhat are you doing here?â
âIââ You inhale sharply. ââI donât know. I just think we both needed to talk.â
You can see him visibly gulp as he stands up, and looks away as if trying to figure out what he should do with himself.
âShit,â he mutters under his breath, dread washing over you.
âIâm sorry,â you blurt out, face burning. âI know I just showed up like this without warning and I know thatâs not fair so if you donât want to talk you know I totally get it andââ you start to blabber so fast you hardly notice him walking over and down the length of the table, ââI just really wanted to see you and talk to you but I couldnât do it over the phone becauseââ
âSlow down,â Minghao says firmly, now standing in front of you as he gazes down with wide eyes. âIs everything okay? When did you come hereâwait, did you come here just to talk to me?â
âWell yeah. And Jun.â
âAre you okay?â Minghao asks softly. âThis doesnât seem like you.â
You wince at the familiar words but shake it off. âI know, I just had so much to say and Iâm sorry because you were right, and when you said you didnât want this hanging over my head I was angry and I thought I could ignore this and ignore you but I was wrong and just really needed to sort things out. And the night you picked me up after Renjun and allâI know you told me to not depend anyone or anythingâand I know Iâm not listening to you right now and I donât want you to be disappointed butââ
âStop,â Minghao says, holding a hand up. âDisappointed? Iâplease donât think that. The stuff I said that night was âŠâ he sighs before continuing. âYou were so upset that night because you didnât have us around and I felt so bad but also, there wasnât anything I could do about that.â
âI âŠâ your eyebrows knit together as you try to find the right words. â⊠I know that. I didnât mean to make it feel like you had to change anything, or that it was your fault.â
âI know andââ
âWait, please hear me out. I donât want to ever make you think that I blame you or Jun for leavingâI-Iâm so happy for you guys you donât understand. I was just ⊠I was bitter,â you admit. âAnd I was jealous of you because you get to be around my own brother more than me and ⊠I guess I was also jealous of Jun because he gets to be around you so often too.â
You finish your confession by burying your face in your hands, face heating up as you can only imagine the look on his face. He says your name softly, and you peek up at him through the gap between your fingers.
âHey, no, I get it. I mean, I guess I donât exactly understand how youâre feeling but I donât blame you either.â
âI wrote you a letter,â you blurt out, a hand digging into your pocket as it toys around with the folded paper inside. Minghao raises a brow, and you pull it out and hold it in front of him. âRight after you guys left,â you explain as he takes the paper from your hand, carefully unfolding it. âDonât open it now! Thatâs ⊠embarrassing. Just read it when Iâm not here or something because I might just die out of humiliation.â
When Minghao chuckles, you feel some of the tension in your shoulders dissolve. âNoted,â he murmurs, tucking it into the pocket of his sweats before turning his attention back to you with a more serious expression which has your stomach tying up in knots.
âYou know how my job is. I canât promise how often Iâll be home and when Iâll be able to make time and I know that people leaving hurt you so much and ⊠I guess I just didnât want to give you hope that I would be able to give you a ânormalâ relationship, because I canât, even though I want to. I think when I told you all that, I justâfuckâI hoped that youâd be able to focus on someone better for you.â
You want to cry and tell him that you donât want someone âbetter,â but choose to save those words for a different time. âT-then whyâd you kiss me that night?â you ask quietly.
âIââ Minghao pauses, looking down as he searches for what heâs about to say. âI only have so much self control.â
You chew on your lip, debating if you should frown or grin at his statement. âSo youâyou wanted to kiss me?â Minghao responds in a heartbeat.
âOf course I did,â and then he clears his throat, âI wanted to for a while. I still do.â
Chuckling nervously, you start to say, âI donât knââ
The air is successfully sucked from your lungs when Minghao slides his hand around your neck, angling your jaw up with his gentle thumb. You think you might just go dizzy from the way heâs touching you until his warm mouth presses against yours, and this is the moment you feel every last muscle in your body let go.
He kisses you softer than the first time, his tongue running against your bottom lip for only a moment before you let your hand grip at his torso instinctively. âSorry,â Minghao murmurs sheepishly when he breaks away. âTold you. Only so much self control.â
âI-I wonât complain,â you admit quickly, and though you let your hand drop to your side, Minghao keeps his where it is: cradling your cheek. Heâs quiet for a moment before whispering again, and the words make your face burn and your heart fly around in circles.
âCan I kiss you again?â
link to smut!
âYou have everything? Your tickets?â you ask as you lean against the doorframe. Youâre both standing outside your parents house right now, waiting for Jun to finish his last bit of packing (why he was so insistent on you two coming quickly when even he wasnât ready is still a mystery to you) so you can call over the van to take them to the airport.
Minghao shrugs at you, pulling out his wallet to look through the pockets to double check. As heâs shuffling through them, a familiar piece of paper sticks out and grabs your attention. âYou keep my letter in your wallet?â
Minghao nods, seemingly unbothered by your surprise. âYeah. Where else would I keep it?â
âWell, I donât know butââ
âItâs a cute letter!â Minghao reasons. âAnd I like having it with me. Like a little good luck charm.â
You press a kiss to his cheek when he says that, but continue to say, âI donât get whatâs so cute about me getting drunk and writing to you.â
âOkay that part, I donât like. Seriously. Underage drinking is not cool,â Minghao mutters. âBut the rest of the letter is pretty nice I guess,â he teases, tucking his wallet back into his pocket.
âPretty nice?â you scoff, trying to snatch the wallet back from him to grab your letter. He swipes it away too quickly though, and youâre left pawing at his chest to try and get it back. âYou donât deserve that letter! I put my heart and soul into it!â
âHeart and soul? I think you mean you poured five shots of vodka into it.â You frown deeply, and Minghao relaxes his shoulders. âOkay Iâm sorryâyou know I love the letter.â
âDo I?â you huff stubbornly, looking at the ground.
Minghao traces a hand down your face and tilts your chin upwards. âCâmon look at me,â he murmurs, and you begrudgingly meet his gaze. âI love the letter.â He pecks you on the lips. âDo you believe me now?â
âYou might have to kiss me one more time for that.â
Minghao grins and presses his lips on yours again, a little harder this time. âGood now?â
âYesâyou got lucky.â
âOkay good ⊠but just for extra measures, I have something that might sweeten the deal,â Minghao tells you, pulling a folded paper out of his pocket and handing it to you. Carefully, you take it and unravel it, glancing over the words.
Thereâs a lotâlike a lotâand Minghaoâs face flushes as you skim over the paragraphs he wrote, slapping a hand over the paper. âOkay donât read it in front of me!â he whines, and you beam because history has a tendency to repeat itself.
âFine, fine,â you sigh, looking down at it one more time when your eyes catch a little note at the bottom.
Pursing your lips, you glance up and find Minghao watching you with wide eyes and a bright smile, and you canât help but fling yourself into his arms. Your heart swells when you feel him wrap his hands around you rightly pulling him close as the words cast their imprint into your mind.
Youâre happy. So, so, so happy.
Yours truly, Xu Minghao (weirdo)
P.S. I love you.
a/n. okay wow i can't believe this is done ... genuinely put so much into this fic i hope u all enjoyed reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it! i definitely might be writing more about these two bc i loved them so muchđ i had like 2 more ideas for a smut in mind but decided not to add them but if you'd be interested in reading them, i might post them as a oneshot/bonus, so lmk what you're interested in! please reblog if u did, and let me know ur thoughtsâit would mean a lot to me :3
tags. @synthetickitsune @ixayjun @leejihoonownsmyheart @dahliatopia @gyuswhore @hoeforcheol @5xiang @hajimelvr @miriamxsworld @blinkjunhui @lixiel0ver @josefines-things @mimisxs @ming-h0e @kawennote09 @bbyjjunie @junhui-recs @ichorjeon (strikethrough could not be tagged)
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