#this turned into vent woops

[watcherwingedcat]

(Sorry Talon, this turned into a bit of a rant/vent because of what happened this weekend, if you don't want to read it just don't)

I hate normativity. I hate that is so heavily praised. I hate that everyone does it, I hate that it is expected to you to do it. I hate that deviating even a little bit from it is seen as a crime, is wrong and horrible and bad.

Sometimes I hate being trans. Sometimes I love it. My gender is weird, is mostly masculine but also neutral at the same time but also, I'm a boy in the way a dog is a boy. That kind of shit. I'm not harming anyone. I didn't choose this. I wish I was born a woman, I wish I wasn't trans. But I am, and others (specifically my family, my mother) seem to take is an attack?? Like, hello, I didn't choose this. You act as if I say I'm a boy to piss you off. To make you mad. It's not my fault. I'm like this and your job as a mother, as family, is to support me, to accept me at bare minimum.

I hate how specifically, when women want to go to a family event or a formal event or whatever, they have to wear their best clothes, a dress, their best make-up! To look nice for other people. And men just. They wear a shirt and that's it. No-one bats an eye. No-one cares. But I don't want to wear a dress and I don't want to wear a skirt and I want to wear a shirt and suddenly "I don't look pretty on that"?? You just complimented my brother, who wears a shirt too. You called him handsome. Why I'm not handsome to you??? What do I have to do??

My mother acts like I'm a horrible person because, in her own point of view, I should care for my appearance. I should look nice to everyone, like I'm some kind of fucking doll or something. I'm not a doll. I'm not a woman. I'm a boy, I'm an animal. And if I don't want to dress up to abide to your standards? That's my decision.

We talk so much about how society has changed, how much progress we've made. But if my own family wants to put me in a neat box just because I was born with a pussy instead of a penis, they have another thing coming. I'm too nice to say anything, for now. You poke the dog until it snaps. So brace yourself, because this dog one day will be angry. And angry dogs bite.

weird rules, social expectations and Being A Woman

you know, something that really pisses me off about Society (tm) is how normativity is just so mindlessly, happily rewarded, even by the most tolerant of people. specifically (but not exclusively) regarding to gender expression.

i am a woman. i was born a woman, i live as a woman, i am perceived as a woman, and i even identify as a woman. ill admit i also have some gender fuckery going on in here, but my internal identity is, frankly, nobodys business; im happy to be assumed a woman, because i honestly dont care how others perceive me in this regard. but. this doesnt mean that i am happy to do the whole nonsense routine that is required to be considered a Real Woman by almost everyone in this god darn planet. i dont do makeup, i dont like to style my hair, i mostly stopped shaving, and you couldnt pay me to care about clothes.

my mother is always telling me about how pretty i am. growing up, i heard it all the time. you have such beautiful curls, if i had hair like yours i would let it grow a lot longer (thanks, i like it shorter tho). im so jealous of your eyes, they are so blue! (haha yeah, i was born with them). i bet this dress would look so pretty on you, why do you never wear skirts? (they just make me uncomfortable, i like my own clothes anyways). if you wore makeup more often you would look so much more beautiful (i like how my face looks, thanks). you should shave your legs, they look bad like that (you never tell [brother] to shave his legs).

it is infuriating. i hate it so, so much. i am a woman, not a doll to play dress up with. and if i have to pretend to be a human, the least that society could do is to just let me exist in peace! it drives me crazy that all this is even expected. worst part, it is fucking Everywhere.

this christmas one of my cousins got me a new pencil case. it is pink and green, and has some cats and snakes and bugs and moons drawn on it. it is beautiful, and although i wasnt too thrilled about the color, i figured it was cool so i began using it. one of my friends saw me take it out during class, said oooo [name], thats so pretty! and gave me a Look. i dont know how to explain it without sounding crazy, but i swear it was like she was saying, so now you like Woman Stuff! you know what Look im talking about, right? when you finally cave in and do the feminine thing, and its like everyone is so happy that youre finally filling your expected role in life. it is weird as hell. i dont like it.

but like, this is my friend, who supports me being aroace and autistic and IS BISEXUAL HERSELF! something something, leftism leaving peoples bodies when a gender non-conforming person does something that is stereotypically associated with their gender. idk, its a bit like dog training when you think about it for a second. in animal training (and i mean proper animal training, not beating your dog until it stops barking), good behavior should be rewarded, while bad behavior is supposed to be ignored so the animal learns to only do the good behavior. you do the feminine thing, and you get smiles and compliments; you stop doing it, then suddenly gender presentation doesnt matter. and this... training behavior is, of course, mostly unconscious, with its perpetrators unaware that theyre even doing it. if i asked my friend what she meant by that, she would say that she didnt mean anything, she just liked the case. if i asked my mother why do i have to shave while my brother doesnt, she would say that its just how things are.

its just how things are. its how it always has been. its how it always will be. so just shut up, smile, and pretend it isnt happening. pretend youre not being trained like a dog to salivate at the sound of a bell. it doesnt matter, it isnt happening, so why bother thinking about it? dont think about it. stop thinking about it.

[winged-on-earth]

This may be a hot take, but i dont really like the term nonhuman :/

Like yeah, i identify as things that aren't human, but i STILL also identify as human.

I know a lot of otherkin/therian/whatever feel disconnected from their humanity, and even straight out reject it, so I'm not saying the term is wrong or inaccurate. I just don't feel like it fits me very well.

Sometimes i almost feel a bit weird being in this community when i enjoy being human, and like my humanity. I'm not trying to fight anyone, nor am i proposing we ditch the term nonhuman, I'm just realizing I'm not a fan of it personally

[yourlocal-therian]

[steampunk-ghostxx]

Sort of related to that last post, if you don't already use they/them pronouns for me, you better start 🤷🏻‍♀️ (for now) it's fine to use she/her too, but I'd prefer they/them honestly

And if I do decide to drop she/her completely, y'all definitely better start and get used to it ~

[zaacoy]

being pelted with drawing ideas at a pace so rapid I could not hope to keep up with is both an inspiring blessing and a horrible curse

[ur-localcreature2023]

I think I’m finally starting to feel like myself again. And I didn’t even know I’d lost that….

[zeropro]

I wondered how starscream reacted to seeing Jetfire again

It’s not going great!

Woops! I wrote a drabble. Not sure how this conversation started but this is sure how it's decided to go!

"You were gone, Skyfire. I mourned you. I…"

"You burned Iacon to the ground! Destroyed our home!"

"I did it for you!"

Skyfire finally threw down his tools and turned on the seeker. "In what world would I have ever wanted that??" He screamed, temper flaring.

"No, I wanted it!" Starscream retaliated, even as he took a step back. "I needed it, I couldn't move on otherwise."

"Yeah, because you definitely sound like a mech who’s been able to move on."

"I did! believe it or not. I became more than I ever was playing scientist at your precious little academy. I was the air commander of an entire army, second in command only to Lord Megatron. I was somebody to be respected, feared even! And then YOU had to come back and ruin it."

"How is any of this MY fault?"

"You were DEAD! You weren't supposed to come back! You weren't supposed to know about any of this. About…you LEFT me and I had to pick up the pieces and you dare judge me for how it played out?"

"Starscream, things dont just 'play out.' You made choices. Bad ones. You can't blame that on me."

"Haha! No, but I CAN blame you for betraying me! For choosing the Autobots over me! Like everything we had before meant nothing!"

"You SHOT me! For trying to protect the native lifeforms! Who does that?!"

Starscream sneered, hateful and ugly. "As if you hadn’t already made up your mind about me by that point."

Skyfire looked at him, as though for the first time. He took in how the frame shook with each haggard vent, the lines of wear framing each restless optic, the tight aggressive cant of the wings. "You've changed, Starscream. You’re not the same mech I knew."

"You’re right." Starscream said, voice dark with pride. "I’m stronger now."

"Are you? Or are you just more hurt and more bitter and more willing to hurt people? Face it, Starscream. You’ve had no one to rely on because you refuse to trust anyone. And look where that's gotten you."

Starscream glared at him. "You don’t know anything," he hissed, before spinning on his heels and storming out of the lab.

Wheeljack coughed awkwardly, fiddling with his instruments. Skyfire looked around as the science team silently got back to work.

Skywarp's were the only pair of optics that met his from across the room; his quiet stare cold, hard, and unreadable.

[ryker-writes]

Okay okay, my ideas:

Bestfolk claims 'ownership' by biting. So if you bite a beastperson you're close to, it's considered a proposal. Now imagine one day, let's say Ruggie steals your food, and tries to run away. You chase him, you two start fighting, and you bite him. He freezes because Are you serious?! He has to tell his grandma right away, her little boy found someone! Or maybe Leona annoyed you because he skipped something again and you got in trouble for. In petty retaliation, you bite his ear. The dorm falls silent, and Leona is shook because how bold can you be?! Doing that in front of everyone?! You know he won't be king, right? And you still want to... Okay.

For Riddle, I can imagine there's a rule for it. It's pretty complicated, but somehow you managed to hit it to a T. Riddle is flustered, because you wouldn't do these things just for the sake of it, right?! Not in the correct order, not in this perfect way. You must know the rule, and this is a proposal, right?! Just.. give him a bit. You're both still so young, but rest assured he feels the same way.

Scarabia I can imagine their country has an old timey way of proposing. Because it's based on Aladdin, I can imagine it involves Jasmine flowers and a phrasing of fulfilling all wishes. Like making a flower crown out of jasmines, placing it on your beloved's head and telling them if they have any wishes, you'd be happy to fulfill them. Jamil is just frozen in shock. He's a servant, he was always told he comes second, he always had to give everything up to Kalim. Yet here you are, proposing to him. He can't believe his luck, and he'll make sure to be the best, so you won't ever think of leaving. Kalim on the other hand is just extatic, hugging you tightly and telling you of course and how much he loves you. You're confused, but okay. You did just promise to fulfill every wish he might have, he probably means he'll wish for you to come to every party. That'd be something Kalim would do. Until you visit Scarabia the next time, and everyone is preparing some big event. And Jamil is miffed at you because didn't warn him, and Kalim sprung this engagement party just on him. Do you not know the stuff he had to prepare?!

Pomefiore is different. Harveston probably has an old tradition of proposing too. But it's so old, no one really does it anymore. It's meant to show you can provide for your partner. Cooking and being able to carry them over the doorstep. So one evening, Epel comes to visit to escape Vil for a bit and vent. You listen, and offer him some of the food you made. By coincidence, it happens to be his favorite. You two banter, and somehow the topic comes to strength, and Epel confidentaly says he could carry you. You decide to test it, and he manages! For a few seconds, at least. Then, it's your turn, you pick him up, carry him a few steps. From the kitchen to the living room. Over a doorstep. Only on his way back to Pomefiore does Epel realize all this. You can't have known, right? Then again, you were in Harveston with him. Maybe his grandma told you? Vil's is easier. You know he wants to embody the Fairest Queen, but what you don't know is, that people sometimes used a mirror to propose for that. They'd hold it to their beloved's face and spill their heart out, as if they are the enchanted mirror from the tale. One day, you walk in on Rook trying to compliment Vil with a mirror. You take it from Rook, and give Vil compliments beyond his looks. Complimenting his passion, his determination, how his eyes look when he does something he loves, etc. Vil is flustered, because do you know what you're doing? Well, one way or another, he now knows who he wants to bring to the altar one day.

OMG WAIT THIS IS SOOOO CUTE I LOVE IT

all these scenarios are adorable and I would 100% accidentally do them ;-;

I bite out of affection so woops maybe I'm accidentally marrying Leona-

[decadeofjoy-au]

PART 12 OF THE DECADE OF JOY STORY

Title: Immoral Ramifications

This link has the links to the other parts: https://www.tumblr.com/decadeofjoy-au/774964066342092800/rules

SETTINGS: Underground(first part). Train Station(second part). Security Room(third part). Generator Room(Fourth Part). Underground(fifth part). Hallways(sixth part).

MAIN CHARACTERS: Hixel Pixel. Clarance the Clayman. Poppy Playtime. Frosty The Yeti.

OCS in this part and their owners.

A.I.-icanexplainwhythisisabadname

Caleb-icanexplainwhythisisabadname

Coo-Coo the Dog-icanexplainwhythisnameisbad(Mentioned)

Pizzaman-icanexplainwhythisnameisbad(Mentioned)

Rosalie-Corelex

Usher Pyper-Stallia abiarts(Mentioned)

Aether F. Beaumus-Stallia abiarts(Mentioned)

Terra Louis-Anewbieartist356(Mentioned)

Type and Talk Tommy-Portalling101(Mentioned)

Maria Harper-TDOJ

Azure Nilson-TDOJ(Mentioned)

Hixel Pixel-TDOJ

Mr Shortcake-TDOJ

Clarance The Clayman-TDOJ

Handyman-TDOJ(Mentioned)

Mr Sandman-TDOJ(Mentioned)

The Doctor(Mentioned)

Chester The Chess Piece(Mentioned)

The Prototype

Poppy Playtime

Huggy(Mentioned)

Boxy Boo

Bunzo Bunny

Dogday

Kissy Missy(Mentioned)

Yarnaby(Mentioned)

Frosty The Yeti

Bubba Bubbaphant

Picky Piggy(Mentioned)

Candy Cat(Mentioned)

————

Hixel: “And now we turn right!”

Maria: “…Hey. TV head. are you SURE we’re walking the right way..?”

Hixel: “Well, yeah. You may have just met me but I’m not THAT bad.”

Maria: “Mmm…right. And how do I know you’re not lying, huh?…”

Hixel: “Do you say that to EVERYONE you meet? Cmon, think of your parents!”

Maria: “My parents are dead.”

Hixel: “One, I was referring to the ones who may ADOPT you…and Two, mine are too. Big woop. Now cmon.”

Maria blinked before squinting and raising a brow in confusion. He’s a toy…he had parents-? She shook her head. She shouldn’t think too hard skit that.

Hixel was leading Maria through a large series of rooms, some big, some small…but they all had something in common, they had a LOT of claw marks and cameras around the place…this place was sketchy. Maria didn’t like it. She looked down and noticed some traces of blue fur, a couple of chairs and a TV. She stopped for a second to pick it up and look closely at it, she scowled and let the fur fall before looking up at Hixel who had a weirdly wide smile on his face as he pointed at a large vent in the wall..She looked past him at the large metal door that was behind him before looking back at Hixel. Hixel slowly started to notice her expression before groaning crossing his arms as a more…annoyed look flashed on his screen.

Hixel: “We…shouldn’t go that way. It looks..wrong.”

He suddenly ripped the vent open and pointed inside again before beginning to crawl in, his expression going back to a more carefree and happy one.

Hixel: “Trust me, this way is MUCH better.”

Maria gave him a skeptical look before sighing and slowly following the short robot. When the two were finally gone, the TV turned on with an obviously agitated and possibly even angry voice coming from it.

A.I.: “I did not just go through a week of character development for you to just skip over this.”

The TV suddenly flashed off as Hixel led Maria through the vents. Maria could hear him humming a tune to himself but…she ignored it. Hixel eventually led her to a small room, popping the vent open and crawling inside. Did…did they just go lower down!? What the hell!? It’s only been 30 minutes! Maria was about to angrily say something but was stopped by Hixel who snapped his fingers. His voice glitched as he spoke…Maria could hear just how robotic it sounded.

Hixel: “H-H-Hey now, I’m getting there! Relax.”

Hixel looked around the room before smiling and searching the nearby drawers. She saw something…strange in his pocket. Was that a phone? She shook her head then rubbed her eyes…well- eye. Hixel then pulled a phone out of the drawer and walked back over to Maria before grabbing onto her arm and…stabbing her with something. Maria let out a pained hiss and snatched her arm away before looking down at it. Did…did he just put a tracker on her..!? She looked at him in shock as she waited for an explanation. Hixel sighed then shook his head. Ugh…is she dumb?

Hixel: “it’s so that if we ever get separated, I can know where you are. As extreme as it may sound…you’re here all alone and that’s rather dangerous for a little orphaned girl like you!”

Maria cringed at the way he had referred to her. “Little orphaned girl”? Really..? She’s like…16. She mumbled something to herself as Hixel walked out the room, leaving her by herself. Before he was completely out of sight however, he turned back to her and coughed.

Hixel: “You should uh…probably get some rest. How long has it been anyways…like…a full 14 hours? 16? I donno. But I’d personally get some sleep if I were you.”

Maria grabbed onto her arm then shifted her shoulder. Wearing her Prosthetic 24/7 WAS putting a bit of a strain on her stub…and it kinda hurt…she sighed and nodded before sitting against the wall and closing her eyes, though not before taking off that prosthetic. Hixel walked back out then looked around before walking to the edge of what looked like a balcony. He looked down and saw it…a large, giant body of water. He shuttered at the sight before pulling out his phone and speaking into it.

—————————

Clarance ran through the place as quickly as he could to find a shortcut to Maria’s direction but was stopped when he saw something down the halls. It was a…box..? He suddenly got a memory…a sudden flash to when he was a…scientist…? At least he thinks so…but he knows that this box is dangerous. Clarance gulped and slowly began to back away as it began to wind up….he memorized this. How long until the time was up..? 5..? No…8 seconds. If he’s correct…Clarance turned and ran before finally reaching a corner. He groaned at the awfully bright scenery. He knows that the direction that Maria must’ve gone was towards the train station… right..? Well where was she!? He flinched and slowly shifted his form to change into a chair as someone began approaching his direction….

Mommy: “And you’re sure you saw him here? You know Mommy doesn’t like liars now.”

Boxy Boo nodded, looking up at Mommy who was holding a sleeping Baby Long Legs- well…Stella, in her arms. Bunzo quickly caught up with the two, searching the area for anything suspicious. The bunny toy attempted to listen closely to Mommy’s words as she spoke to Boxy about what he had apparently seen. Bunzo looked at the train before finally noticing…feathers..?

Bunzo: “Wait! I see something.”

Mommy and Boxy suddenly paused as Bunzo ran up to the train and picked up what appeared to be a pale feather…he looked at it closely before showing it off to Boxy and Mommy. Mommy let out a hum…she didn’t recognize the feather all too well. But then again…she only really cares to pay attention to the orphans who visit the game station in the morning. She smiled as she thought of this before frowning. Right…the orphans. She currently has Crafty and Scout watching them. Boxy walked over to Bunzo and grabbed onto the feather…staring at it before suddenly shoving the thing into his mouth and eating it. Mommy gasped and immediately ran over to him as Bunzo stood there in shock.

Mommy: “BOXY! Spit that out this instant! Don’t just put random stuff in your mouth!!”

Mommy scolded him before hitting him lightly against the head, causing the box to grab onto her wrist and shove it away. He then took a couple of steps back and raised a finger. Mommy suddenly stopped her scolding but continued to glare coldly at him. Clarance carefully watched then from the distance, a bit surprised that the group hadn’t even noticed him…he just wishes he could’ve gotten a better look at the feather before that mindless box thing ate it.

Boxy turned and immediately stated to run somewhere. Mommy and Bunzo shared a glance before following after him. Clarance let out a groan of relief before slowly shifting back. He let out a pained hiss as he got a headache. He grabbed onto his head and scratched at the clay before tearing his hand away forcefully…at least…he thinks that was him. Ugh, too many voices. He needs to lay down…

——————

The security halls were completely empty…silent…quiet… She looked at the footage of the game station, plenty of kids were playing…that’s all she could see. She looked down at where Harley was located. She could see Yarnaby patrolling…a strange…Baba Chops toy..? Chester was stuck in a room of sorts…ugh…A.I.…she’s getting sick and tired of him constantly trapping random experiments in rooms. Well…mostly just Chester and Coo-Coo but it was still agitating. She turned her attention to the experimenting rooms and the Workyard…that’s normal…that’s normal…that- wait…

Poppy looked closer at the footage. There are MULTIPLE experiments missing from their cells…she counted all of them in her head…Terra is at Playcare under supervision..she’s playing with Usher and Aether, Mr Sandman was called up for an emergency, Pizzaman is helping Picky and Candy cat cook, Coo-Coo is….wheres Coo-Coo? Poppy looked even closer…wheres Handyman? And Coo-Coo…? And Clarance? Oh god…not Clarance. She knew that Doey would have a MELTDOWN if he knew about the clayman’s disappearance. She took a glance at the security halls and saw a flash of red dart down the halls. What the..? She looked at The Silencer’s camera footage…she’s still in that room…good. She focused back on the security halls for whatever that red thing that was running was. Poppy was so focused on the security footage that she didn’t even notice….

The Prototype: “There you are Poppy…do you see anything…different…by chance?”

Poppy jolted at the sound of his voice then immediately turned around to face him, she gulped before shaking her head.

Poppy: “No…nothing unusual…”

…..

The Prototype: “…have you seen…Mr Sandman yet?”

Poppy: “No…not yet. He should be in the security halls searching soon.”

The Prototype: “…what about Dex. And Rosalie. They’re doing their part…right?“

Poppy: “of course. You know how loyal those two are..”

The Prototype: “…good…good…I hope you’re not lying again…We don’t want another incident now…do we, Poppy?”

Poppy: “I-….no…no of course not.”

After a few seconds, Poppy could make out the mechanical sound of The Prototype’s heavy metal legs clanking against the ground as he left. She let out a breath that she didn’t know that she had been holding before looking back at the cameras. She noticed a fight happening in Playcare between…Azure and Usher..? That’s strange….she thought Azure was a pacifist. Not to mention that Azure is usually very careful with stuff she says to other orphans! And Usher was JUST hanging out with Aether and Terra! What happened? Nonetheless she pulled out her phone and spoke into it.

Poppy: “Hello..? Kissy? it’s me…we have an incident happening in Playcare…it’s…another fight. If you could go and handle it then…that would be great..” … “Don’t work too hard, you know what happened last time. Call me if you need any back up.”

Poppy sighed before speaking again, this time to someone else.

Poppy: “Dogday? Yes, it’s Poppy. We have a problem happening down at the experiment rooms and workyard…and an issue down at Playcare..”

—————

Frosty grabbed a couple of boxes and let out a pained groan as he struggled to lift them up. He stretched out his legs before turning and walking to the generator room. Frosty just barely noticed himself walk past Doey who backed away from him at the painful feeling of the cold air that engulfed the room. Frosty watched him quickly run off before sighing and continuing his journey back to the generator. He opened the metal doors up forcefully then let out a sigh of relief as he saw Mr Shortcake and Bubba working on it. Thank god…he can finally rest. Frosty set the boxes down before walking over to the two.

Mr Shortcake: “🩵Ah, there you are Frosty. There’s no need for you to help us on this. We’re doing quite well just by ourselves.🩵”

Bubba: “Mhm. It’s best not to strain yourself.” … “When’s the last time you slept?”

Frosty: “I- er…don’t…wanna answer that.”

Bubba: “…well…you should really get some rest. A bad sleeping schedule could lead to some really declining health in the long run.”

Frosty: “oh- yeah…yeah, I know. I’ll get to that…thanks.”

Mr Shortcake: “🩵of course, no problem at all!🩵”

Frosty waved a goodbye to the two of them as he turned and walked away. He suddenly stopped when he heard something…meh…maybe it’s just his imagination. He HAS been going through some pretty strange stuff ever since he got to see Doey again. Frosty let out a sigh and left the room as a young, blind boy hid in one of the rooms. Caleb carefully pulled out his backpack and grabbed some bandages. He ran into a bit of stuff while he was trying to get here… Meanwhile, Bubba turned to Mr Shortcake. Caleb suddenly paused then listened into their conversation.

Bubba: “And so the generator has been acting weird?”

Mr Shortcake: “🩵it’s been heating up randomly and shutting off at times. Though an experiment must’ve simply escaped and started to tamper with it. Either way, we can’t mess with this thing for too long…you know what Doey said would happen if we broke it.🩵”

Bubba: “right…explosion…death, gore. All of that. Ke- Doey…really needs to tone it down with his scary talk.”

Mr Shortcake: “🩵Yes well…I know better than most toys how it is to not have complete control over your own emotions and behaviors so…I don’t exactly blame him for being rather snappy at times.🩵”

Bubba: “Right, Right. Well we should focus back on this thing…I can feel the heat coming off of it already.”

Mr Shortcake: “🩵yes…of course. Though this would be easier with the help of someone else. Maybe someone….older?🩵”

Bubba: “…We’re adults.”

Mr Shortcake: “🩷well obviously! We’ve been in this dump for 10 years now! I mean…an older adult! Someone wise who knows what they’re doing!🩷”

…

Mr Shortcake: “🩵my apologies. I’m not sure what got into me.🩵”

Bubba: “it’s…understandable. Let’s just get back to fixing this.”

——————

Hixel ended the call and looked back down at the balcony of water. He silently listened as the water slushed around…he wouldn’t wanna touch that. Being a TV and all. He frowned then put a hand to his head…god. It’s hot down here. Too hot. He looked back down at the water before turning back to the room that Maria was in, he was about to go inside when the TV suddenly turned on. He rose a brow then turned to it. After a few seconds of silence…he heard it. That…GOD awful theme song that he hates. Hixel’s face went from confused and skeptical to completely enraged when he heard it. He let out an angry yell before running up to the TV and slamming it against the ground before smashing the thing. After he was done, he put his hands up to his head, groaning in pain and anger.

Hixel always hated “that theme song” because it was the theme song to HIS character’s show. The toy he was forced to be had a show that was made by the scientists…they’d ALWAYS play that stupid show in his cell…everyday. Every night. And he’d just sit there and LISTEN to it. Over, and over, and over again. Hes listened to that song so many times that he can say the lyrics word from word at the top of his head and he HATES it. Good Lord…just the first few piano cords make his ears bleed. He looked down at the TV before grabbing it and sending it plunging down into the water. Hixel could hear the sound of it sparking before eventually breaking completely and sinking down to the bottom. He breathed heavily as he stared down at the water before loosening his grip of the railing.

Hixel: “I swear…if I hear that…D-DĂMŅ ssøng ØNE MMORE TIME-E-E—“

His voice glitched out and started to cut out the louder he got. Ugh…another thing he hated about this stupid mechanical body of his. He can’t even SCREAM without automatically being silenced. He slowly calmed himself down before deciding to test something. He grabbed onto his antenna and plucked it…after a few seconds, he heard a loud ping and a blue glow come from the room that Maria was in. Good. Good…He sighed before walking over to the wall and playing some…tic-tac-toe… odd. But okay…

——————

Rosalie was making her way down to Playcare when she was suddenly stopped by Dogday. She tilted her head as the dog toy steadied himself and began to speak.

Dogday: “Rosalie, could you go up to the kitchen and grab some food for the orphans? It looks like everyone’s been far more…agitated…since Maria and Caleb…escaped. We’re hoping that some of their favorite dishes can clam them down because…Bobby is having a bit of trouble calming them herself..”

Rosalie: “Oh..yes. Of course, Mr….”

Dogday: “My last name is Williams.”

Rosalie: “Of course…my apologies Mr. Williams. I was just heading down there right now.”

Dogday nodded before slowly walking past her and towards the elevator and making his way back up to the top floors. He didn’t have an issue with Rosalie. She was obedient, kind, and always had a professional work face on. Well…not that she can change her expressions anyway. Dogday sighed to himself. He just hopes they can catch those orphans and escaped experiments. They’ve been causing a ruckus ever since they escaped. Rosalie watched as he left before walking back up the fight up stairs that she had just taken to head to the kitchen. Luckily the toys here didn’t hate her as much as they hate…Clarance or Mr Sandman.

[mr1fern]

Lol (Another vent, but no mentions of topics from my other one)

Just remembered my first panic attack/mental breakdown, lol.

I was at my friend's house (Staying the night), and my friend was downstairs in the basement watching some TV or smt (The basement was a sort of hangout spot that had a couch and TV along with some other stuff), and I was upstairs in their room on my phone.

Eventually I go on AI chat (More specifically Talkie) and swiped through some of the bots, when I eventually got to one that was like, "Man breaks into your house" or smt like that, and I decided to mess around with it as a joke, y'know, like make myself super over powered and beat him up and stuff, WELL.

I did this and all was well, I was beating him up and I think eventually I killed him (Woops 💀), and after doing so, I think I just started going into deep thought, and that's when it started...

I suddenly just felt really scared and sad at the same time, also angry, I was balling my eyes out as I kept typing out my character beating the junk out of him.

I was starting to associate some stupid ai bot with a sh*tty ∆ss boyfriend my mom had a few years back (Can't remember exactly, but I think it was after 2020), like... Holy fuck. So basically, this fucker was all nice and sh*t, so nice, kind, and a great artist! He even knew how to do tattoos! But... One night was Different.

I don't remember too much (either because it was so long ago or because my brain blocked it out), just main details and a few things my mom said.

I was staying up past my bedtime, playing video games on my phone. When at some point in the night, I heard my mom screaming, I remember her saying "I DON'T KNOW WHERE I AM" or something along those lines, and Troy trying to calm her down (Not yelling or telling her to shut up, it was kinda like an older sibling trying to get the younger one to stop crying after hitting them so they don't get in trouble) (Also Troy is the bad boyfriend) He was like "Sh, shh.. hey, calm down..." And my mom was still screaming some things I can't remember, I by this point was shaking and wrapped in my blanket, sitting up right. After hearing this keep going for a little bit longer, I decided to scream, at the top of my lungs (And I remember this part very vividly) "LET GO OF MY MOM!" And, I honestly don't know what happened, but I guess that was enough to distract Troy long enough for my mom to hit him across the face with her keys (Like the queen she is 💅) and run to my room, she swung my door open, turned the lights on then, slammed my door shut and locked it.

She told my to call the police, but I was in much of a state of shock and panic to understand what was going on, so she took my phone and called them herself. Can't remember what happened after that.

Can't remember much from that house actually... All I really remember besides the whole incident is that I would draw in my sketchbook and read in the backyard sometimes.

Anyways, thanks for reading my silly little trauma dump! I'ma go do something else now :3

[orangeslices-on-e]

Woops. Tried to write a short, half funny, half vent post but it just turned into long vent post. You know me, procrastinating at work by complaining about work on Tumblr 😎

See the thing is. I have all this stuff that I wanna do. And then it's time to go to work. I have all these things that I could potentially be passionate about. But then it's time for work.

I am at work or asleep for nearly 3/4 of every. single. god forsaken day. And you might think that the weekends would counteract that. And sometimes it's okay. But most of the time I just waste them away because I can't be bothered to work on anything that I used to dream of. I just spent over 40 hours of my life at my place of employment. Hell two days isn't even enough to mentally recover from that, let alone actively putting more work towards something else.

I've lost a lot of the drive I used to have. I have a lot of ideas that I think are fun and cool. But I only get to step one or maybe step two. Out of a thousand.

I promised myself I would never think about work outside of the building itself, but in the last couple days it's been creeping in. What will I say in the weekly meeting on Wednesday? I need to know how this complicated as fuck component work because if I don't, it all goes to shit.

And wouldn't even know how to go about getting another job. Like understand the process. Go find a place, apply, get the interview. It's simple. But how the hell do I make an exit from this place? I was hired even though I'm still in college for this. They want to train me up to be an engineer for the future. Everyone apparently thinks I'm doing great. I've shown no signs of being over stressed or anything.

I've been considering waiting out this job just a little longer until I can get some more programming experience to go back to my old employer. When I put in my 2 weeks, they offered me a god tier schedule with even better pay than I make now, but I just felt far too inexperienced to take it on. But fuck man. Only three 12 hour shifts a week, and they're all in a row. That's 4 full days off. Every week. That shit sounds legendary to me right now.

What the hell am I going on about? This is perhaps becoming a bigger issue than I know how to deal with...

[its-sixxers]

Stains on the carpet and Stains on the memory

ref

[somegaymernerd]

rebloggging again because I just realized as an afab enby who tries their damndest to be seen as androgynous, it never seems to work, so…

what clothes do I wear to be perceived as anything but female? I’m tired of being called she when my pronouns are on a button attached to me, in clear view, and the only thing feminine about me are my boobs. is that it? do I need to go through top surgery to finally be validated?

I see a lot of ‘cis’ women say they wish they were androgynous in the way men were or they wish they were pretty in the way men were. This is your sign to go try to do that. You may find you enjoy being an androgynous woman. You may find you no longer identify as a woman. You may find you don’t like androgyny. You will not know until you try. Cut your hair if you’ve always wanted to but have been afraid to. Shop in the men’s section if you’ve been too nervous to. Wear clothing with an androgynous  silhouette. Experiment with binding, take baby steps with compression bras if you want. Wear unisex scents. Live life. Try things you want to try. A lot of cis women do not understand the joys of mens pants and mens deodorant. I think everyone should try both of those things.

[shivada-jade]

codename: vind

older sibling!reader

characters: diluc, kaeya ➡ mentions: adelinde, crepus, la signora warning(s): alcohol consumption, swearing, and because for some reason, older siblings tend to be shorter than younger siblings. iDK WHY but ugh, yeah you're shorter than diluc and kaeya bc you're the older sibling. ik, i hate it too

like, i wanna be a tall 6'2 woman

diluc's 5'10 so u can still be tall in the story.. just not 5'11 😢 sorry over 5'10 folks

➡ WRITTEN BEFORE 2.1 so uhh :D

notes: platonic w diluc and kaeya, duh bc ur the older sibling. sibling love!!! sibling love !! woop woop !

"Dad, I'm home!" You bellow out to the house, waving a polite hello to Adelinde who looked shocked to see you. You kick off your shoes and slide your way to the long table in the living room, swiftly grabbing an apple before heading upstairs.

Your hands graze the railings and make your way up to find your dad. Upon reaching the last flight of steps, you were suspicious with how the place was very quiet. Granted, your younger brothers are now adults, but it still felt too quiet. Maybe you expected to see your brothers playing a game of chess, maybe bickering and fencing. You were hoping to see your family after being away.

You were a part of the Fatui under the Mondstadt branch. It was and at the same time wasn't a choice to be roped into the Fatui. You got roped into the wrong group of friends and found yourself blackmailed by the infamous group.

You didn't want to join. You didn't want any of it. You've been disconnected from the world. Wiped out from the face of Earth. No one gave information to you, you couldn't learn anything about what's happening currently. The most you could do was send letters, but even those were difficult to send out. You had to do it in secrecy or you'd be in trouble.

Love, the better sibling,

[Y/N]

Or another common send off is:

Please write back soon,

[Y/N]

And your family never failed to send back letters. They asked what you're doing, where you are and how are you, still you never told them your occupation, fearful of what they would think and where your loyalties lie, so you told them you were working under an adventurer.

It's for the greater good. You remember trying to convince yourself.

You're a horrible person.

You were sixteen then. Your younger brothers were twelve. It's been 10 long years since you last saw them, and 6 years since you last received a letter back. You miss them dearly. You often wondered what sorts of adventures they did without you.

But why are you wondering about this? You knew what they did: you knew everything that happened.

You're living under a heavy burden.

"Dad?" You call out again. Maids and wine makers look aghast when they see you, and they're on the verge of fainting when you call out to your father.

Stop the act.

It's strange how the letters were suddenly cut off. The last letter you received was from Kaeya, telling you how you needed to come home straight away. You tried to, but the Fatui prevented you from doing so. A lady called La Signora supervised you directly to make sure you didn't leave.

You know...

Adelinde brushes the dust off her uniform and hurries up the stairs to catch up to you, "Dear, is that you [Y/N?]"

"Did you forget me that easily? I'm offended Miss Adelinde," you chided, but the teasing look in your eyes give Adelinde relief to know you aren't actually offended. "Miss, where's dad?"

You're sickening.

Adelinde takes one look at you and squeezes your shoulders with a smile, "I'm afraid that's not for me to say. Master Diluc should be able to-"

"Oh, where's Diluc and Kaeya?" You ponder, and the corners of your lips curl upwards. "Those two were always attached to the hip. Where are they now? Horseback riding at the vineyard? Ha! I-"

You glance at Adelinde's watery eyes and stop your babbling. "What's wrong Miss Adelinde?" You reach for her hands on your shoulders and hold them. "Ah, has father been making you work too hard? I can request him to lessen your load."

Adelinde shakes her head no. "You don't have a clue, do you? Oh," she sighs. "Please, rest yourself by the fireplace. I'll prepare tea for you." She rests her hands back at her side and scurries to the kitchen.

You frown, unsure why she's jumpy, but you follow her request and sit by the fireplace. The crackle of the fire contrasts the tense air you feel when maids brush past you, offering tea Adelinde made. You thank them, gently blowing on the drink.

After taking a sip, you place it down with a pinky to lessen the noise it makes on the table. You hear the door open, and the choruses of maids greeting someone.

"Welcome home, Master Diluc," you hear and other voices saying, "We've prepared a meal for you and your sibling, would you like to rest yourself?"

You peek from your chair, he obviously hadn't realized you yet.

Diluc's lips make a thin line and shrugs off his jacket, "Why is Kaeya visiting. Isn't he supposed to do his knightly duties?"

You have no clue why he says it like that. The venom in his voice sends a shiver down your spine. You decide this is your cue to give him a warm welcome. You stand from your seat, and open your arms in a grand gesture and waltz to your brother. "Diluc! It's been a while huh?"

You clearly see him tense hearing your voice. His head snapped to your direction with his mouth parted. The maids respectively take their leave, bowing before they do so.

Diluc looks you up and down, still not believing you're there, like you're just his imagination. His hand slowly reaches out to you as if you're a dream.

Your feet lead you closer and you grasp him tightly in an embrace.

He freezes, but slowly relaxes in your hug, reluctantly bringing up his own arms to wrap around you. You feel his grip tightening, and you feel his shake out silent sobs. His face buries in your neck, letting tears fall on your clothes.

You soothe his back, and press a kiss on his hair. "I'm home, Diluc."

He trembles, pushing himself away to look at you clearly. Why hadn't you come home earlier? He wanted to vent, he wanted to yell, shout, he wanted to know how much he missed you in your absence.

He clears his throat and coughs in his fist. "You should have told me about your arrival," he adjusts the gloves on his hands, and looks to the floor like he did when he admitted he accidentally broke your toy when you were 10.

After these years, he still looks up to you as his older sibling. Not a thing has changed.

But you couldn't help but notice one thing. You knew Diluc and Kaeya had matured, you knew they would grow taller, but shit, now Diluc's taller than you.

"I sent a letter a month ago," you began. "It should have been sent to your office in the Favonius Headquarters? That's where I send my mail after you told me about your promotion to Cavalry Captain."

You squish his cheeks with both your hands. "Because I know you're a workaholic and only respond to letters that mean business, so that's where I sent it off to. You never write back, neither does Kaeya," you pause, thinking for a moment. "Neither does dad. Tell me he hasn't gotten sick that he couldn't respond to my letters."

Diluc lifts your hands off his face and frowns. He doesn't know how to break the news to you- not when you look so excited to be home and tell of your adventures to your family, so he asks, "Did you eat yet?"

You note the frown on his face. "'What's got you grumpy," you prod. "I need to find dad first. Told him in the first letter I gave him, I'd give the first gem I find."

Diluc watches you leave him to go to Crepus' room on the second floor. He hears the thuds on the floor and the opening of the door, but does nothing to stop you. You left with a smile, and you come back confused.

"Why is dad's room empty?"

How cruel.

...

Kaeya hums, passing by Flora's shop and purchasing a Calla Lily for the sake of it. He is well aware of the Fatui that stand by corners. Whispers of the wind give him intel, and so does alcohol apparently. He leans on a wall right outside Angel's Share, watching two Fatui members drink some of the tavern's strongest alcohol, imported from Snezhnaya.

"That damn," the one with the red and black mask hiccups, lifting a mug with foam overflowing. "Damn brat's gonna snitch on us to the Knights- *hiCC* boss lady wou- *HicC* would have our heads!"

Thankfully, their more responsible Fatui friend takes the mug and switches it with their drink, water. "You're the one who let Vindicta out of your sight when you know their frequencies to escape. This is all on you, buckaroo."

One of the Fatui escaped? How peculiar.

Kaeya hums, in steady strides he shows himself to the Fatui and takes a seat from another table and sits in front of the two. "My, my, my. If it isn't the wonderful Fatui," he divuldges. He twirls his Calla Lily around his fingers, amused with the Fatui's reactions.

Their mouths drop, knowing who he is and they hastily clean themselves up by sitting straight and wiping away the alcohol from their faces. "Good evening, sir."

"Evening to you too," he places the flower behind the person's ear, flustering them. "Well? Drink up. Everything you order will be on me."

The Fatui look at each other, skeptical with Kaeya's kindness, but the drunken one accepts the offer. Kaeya celebrates in the inside as he slowly gains Fatui intel.

Though, the second Fatui whom he dubbed the "Responsible One," took a while for them to take a sip. Turns out, they couldn't handle alcohol, that's why they avoided drinking it.

"So, my dear friends," he slides a coin on the table and stares both of them down. "A mora for your thoughts? I couldn't help but notice the tense of your shoulders when you first arrived here."

Responsible One raises their mug drunkenly, and gives a pointed look, "You... you know too much. How?..." They stare at their friend and whisper shout, "Don't tell him about Vind or-" They fail to continue their sentence and pass out on the table.

Kaeya feigns a surprised face and looks at Fatui number 2, "Who exactly is Vind? I'm sure you don't mean the storm watcher up at the cliff." He coats his voice with sugar, and it seems Fatui friend fell for his kindness.

"The damn brat," they spit out before hiccupping again. "Recruited them, fed them, saw potential, gave a home, and they escaped."

Kaeya nods and pushes another bottle of wine to the Fatui's direction, urging them to continue.

"Was supposed to be one of the Agents to spy on the *hiCc* to spy on the Ragnvindr family, because *HicC* Vind was one of the best there is. They were about to be promoted Harbinger after an assignment *hiCCUpp* but then Big Boss Lady said 'End the Ragnvindr legacy,' Vindicta left without a word. They escaped."

The Fatui downs another bottle of wine. "But judging from Boss Lady's reaction, Vind did the job: killed him and placed the blame on the Knights."

The Calvary Captain knits his brows and places his hands in front of him. It laced themselves and he watches the Fatui person empty out his wine.

"I'd be careful of what you say if I were you." His lone eye glints dangerously.

"End the legacy?" Kaeya frowns. "Can I ask..." He couldn't ask why or the Fatui would stop talking to him. "Can I ask when your beloved spy did their job?"

The Fatui waves a hand, "Six years ago. After they killed that damn aristocrat's father, they tried escaping. Big Boss supervised them under their watch. 'Potential' the Harbingers always say, but I don't see the potential in them if they don't have loyalties under the Fatui. A wild card, really."

They lay their cheek on the table. The temperature drops quite dangerously. Kaeya's diamond eye glints with coldness before it turns back to warmth.

"Rumours have it," the Fatui sighs, playing with his empty mug. "The training Vindicta went through is rougher, so we were hoping they would tie their loyalties to us. We let them explore once, and they escaped under my watch. Maybe it was their assignment to leave, maybe it's not, because Boss Lady was okay with it, she said 'Vindicta will always return in our hands.' when they first escaped, and surely enough they do return. But either way, I'm fucked for letting them go missing the third time of the week."

Kaeya laughs with no soul and quickly ends the lovely 'conversation.' He pushes himself from the table and stands, "Thank you for chatting with me, it's been interesting." He tucks in the chair and glances at the two Fatui dozing, or close to dozing off.

He swiftly turns away, scoffing when he's out of sight from people. Vindicta is a dangerous card. Not even the Fatui know where their loyalties side.

Vindicta. How peculiar indeed.

One of the best Fatui, which probably meant they were payed well with respect and mora, but why are they labeled as an escapee when they always return? With someone as dangerous as a Harbinger, who do they side with- the Fatui or something else?

Kaeya has a lot of questions.

...

Diluc sits on a cushioned chair and hunches over, resting his chin on his hands, thinking.

Always thinking.

The once lit fireplace is soaked with water he splashed over. The scent of burnt wood wafts nearby. The light chatter of maids go through one ear and leave the other.

How long had it been since he last saw you?

Eternity is his answer. It's been eternity since he last saw you.

He lets out a long sigh, throwing his head back and running a hand through his untied locks.

Too much thinking for today. Diluc groans in frustration and sits back up. He turns his head slightly, seeing you in the corner of his eyes taking out boxes of things you owned from 10 years before.

It doesn't make sense to him. Why come back so suddenly after years of not seeing you? Though, you claim you sent him letters, he never got them because he closed himself off from the Knights.

"Diluc," you set down a small picture of a family portrait you took out from hiding behind many books.

You are taking this oddly well.

You're taking this too well, in fact.

This raises a red flag for Diluc. He told you the fall out of your family, how he quit the Knights, but still you're going around the place like nothing had happened.

Don't you feel any rage? Or even sadness?

He sees too many red flags and hates it- from the way you can hide things like Kaeya so easily, to the way you just suddenly appear back in his life. It feels weird. It's not easy to let someone that in quick, yet you're still his role model, so it's okay, right?

He's always looked up to you when he was younger. You never were at a loss of words and stood up for him. You were the person he can turn to when something wrong happens, but what were you doing for yourself to be gone for so long? Adventuring Teyvat could not have taken ten whole years. Where did you even stay?

"Diluc," you crouch in front of him and talk to him as if he were six again. "I'm okay, okay?"

Diluc takes a shaky breath and sits up straight. His posture resembling a king's. "I have an idea, and I would like you to help me."

You look at him in awe. The realization settles in: Diluc has grown, and you're still stuck trying to make up the past.

"And what do I help you with?"

"Finding who's responsible for father's death."

notes: had this in my drafts for a long time and i was like "wait where was i going with this..." until BAM i have the idea again so im gonna continue it

(part 2)

[blackswaneuroparedux]

The Great Drive: James Hunt and Niki Lauda at Fuji, 1976

I feel really sorry for Niki. I feel sorry for everybody that the race had to be run in such ridiculous circumstances because the conditions were dangerous and I fully appreciate Niki’s decision. After an accident like he had, what else could he do? Quite honestly, I wanted to win the championship and I felt I deserved it. But I also felt Niki deserved to win the championship – and I just wish we could have shared it.

- James Hunt on winning the Japanese Grand Prix 1976 to become F1 World Champion

James Hunt’s epic title battle with Niki Lauda, during what many see as the definitive F1 season, was topped off by a thrilling race in the land of the rising sun. It became an instant classic, one of F1’s Great Drives.

With everything to lose, in treacherous conditions, and with late drama, James Hunt's drive in the 1976 Japanese Grand Prix was one of the greatest of all time.

James Hunt delivered his greatest drive in spite of himself. It wasn’t just the peak moment of his career, but also a defining drive for F1.

The British gentleman racer conquering the world’s best in far away lands – Hunt embodied it.

Despite this, the Brit’s landmark drive came in the midst of late night escapades, mechanical disasters, psychological warfare and F1 politics.

As the ‘76 season approached its climax in North America and Asia, it seemed all might be lost for the McLaren team and its lead driver. Hunt had been duelling with Ferrari’s Niki Lauda throughout the year, but losing his British Grand Prix win to disqualification (announced by the FIA at Round 14 in Canada) seemed to have derailed his season for good.

McLaren team manager at the time Alastair Caldwell describes the state of affairs as they approached the North American leg of the season: “We abandoned the idea of winning the world championship. I let him misbehave in Canada and in Watkins Glen. On both occasions we were pissed on race eve, both of us in a bar after midnight getting rotten – me on alcohol and him on women, because he was always very successful with women.

“James met a girl – the leader of the band at the motel in Montreal – and so he came to the race dishevelled, in the same clothes as he’d been wearing the previous night – and he won the race!

“Even then we still thought we were out of it. Then we won Watkins Glen too! So suddenly we became serious again.”

Lauda had scored 4 points to Hunt’s 18 in this period. With the championship fight back on, the rejuvenated team and driver looked at the season finale in a new light. The championship fight was back on, and as a result, McLaren prepared for the Japanese GP with renewed vigour.

James Hunt had been in Japan a fortnight, ostensibly to test at a circuit  new to him. Delays at customs, car problems and bad weather had severely  restricted his running, but at least now he was totally orientated and, in his inimitable fashion, ‘relaxed’. That meant when he wasn’t  strutting his stuff on the hotel’s squash court, he was billing and  cooing with its latest migratory flock of pretty air stewardesses to bed. It beat  jogging.

Lauda arrived later, low-key and at a low ebb. The spirit that held  the demons at bay during his remarkable Monza comeback had evaporated in  Canada and America. Now running on empty, he was full of doubts. While  Ferrari team manager Daniele Audetto attempted to whip up retro oppo to  McLaren’s ‘illegal’ testing, his star driver looked the other way and  wished it over: Lauda was sick of Enzo and his minions, of a season in  its 10th month and of press intrusion.

McLaren’s earlier preparations were in sharp contrast to the rest of the field who arrived just for the race weekend itself. According to Caldwell, “The others all turned up on the Thursday, including Niki, you can see them all get off the plane knackered and then trying to find where this new racetrack was.”

It wasn’t just through testing and acclimatisation that Hunt and McLaren stole a march. Caldwell thought he might use interactions with the press to his advantage: “Just for a laugh we spread a rumour. A journalist said to me ‘what’s the track like?’ I said ‘It’s is good but it’s got a lot of loose gravel on it.’”

Enjoying the effect the track surface story had on the rest of the field’s preparations, Caldwell thought he’d develop the rumour into a full-blown design feature.

“Because we were bored and had nothing else to do, the mechanics made mesh covers for all the air intakes on the car, to “protect” the brake ducts and air intake.

“Then Niki (Lauda) came down to our garage, which he always did – he spent more time in our garage then Ferrari’s. He would joke with us and do mechanic’s repartee.

“Psychologically we had them on the back foot right from the start.”

“Niki had come to see what we’d done with the cars as he was also a spy. So I told the mechanics, ‘just by mistake’, to take the covers off the cars so you could see the mesh covers on all the intakes. They did this and then they put it back on in a hurry while I ‘looked displeased’.

“And so then Niki broke off the conversation, trotted back to Ferrari and said ‘f**king hell, McLaren have put vents near these grilles over everything in the car, we got to do the same.’

“The whole Ferrari organisation went out to find these grilles, find where they came from and make them for their three cars. Then we put our three cars in the pit road and took all the grilles off the T-Car. Niki came down and said ‘You f**king bastards!’ They came down the pitroad and Ferrari had this shit all over their car – these grilles all over the radiators.

“He had to tear back and tell them to take them all off. Psychologically we had them on the back foot right from the start, there’s all this psychological warfare.”

Niki was plastered across front pages because of his near-death  experience on the track; James was on them because of the life he led  off it. Their battle and clashing personalities, though they were good  friends, had made the world championship a global news shit-fight. Hunt,  outgoing but often lonely in a crowd, pretended to be okay with it.  Lauda didn’t.

Friday’s practice sessions provided blessed relief, therefore, even  though both men suffered understeer on the stickier Goodyears made  available to its faster teams because of the rare presence of  Bridgestone and Dunlop on one-off Japanese entries. The title rivals  finished the day one-hundredth apart on a provisional third row.

Each improved on Saturday – Hunt to second, Lauda to third – and  James, a notoriously slow starter who, by his own estimation, needed to  win the race in order to become world champion, was in a much-improved  mood. Niki’s never budged.

Then it rained. And rained. And rained some more.

The storm that swept in from China a day later than forecast was the  last thing Lauda needed: another element beyond his control. Mist  shrouded the snow cone of Mount Fuji, which supposedly bestowed good  fortune – when visible – and Niki felt hemmed in by circumstance.

The mind-games might well have been in vain, for the monsoon weather which rolled in on Sunday looked like putting the race in jeopardy. If the Grand Prix was cancelled, Lauda would be handed the World Championship.

Not that Hunt was enamoured with the situation. He spoke privately  with Lauda and agreed an attempt to have the race postponed – albeit not  before he stressed that he would take the start if necessary and race  as hard as Niki forced him to.

The Grand Prix Drivers Association had been formed to have some influence on such matters, to stop the interests of teams, the governing body and sponsors taking precedence over drivers’ well being. Hunt and Lauda were both members and convened prior to the race start in an effort to have it stopped.

“They were adamant the race wasn’t going to be held. Bernie (Ecclestone, Brabham team boss) and I were in the race control tower trying to convince them to hold the race.” says Caldwell “And James kept on saying ‘No no, we’re not going to race’. I tried to explain to him that no race meant no World Championship. He replied “No, no, no, it’s totally unsuitable, we can’t race”.

Alistair Caldwell, McLaren Team boss, resorted to more imaginative tactics to swing the mood towards starting the race.

“I was going down (to the pits) getting my car mechanics to start the engines every half an hour, which would make all the other teams start doing it – they didn’t know why. The engines were making this noise ‘woop, woop, woop’”.

The engineer then turned his attention to activating the spectators.

“I was trying to get some enthusiasm from the passive Japanese crowd, they’d been there for hours doing nothing. They weren’t even talking, just sitting in the rain – miserable.

“I said to our tyre man Lance Gibbs ‘Do you think you could get the crowd going?’ So he got up on the pitwall with his ACME Thunderer whistle, which had been given to the boys to use as a horn, for when they pushed the race cars around the paddock.

“He went ‘beep beep’ and hundreds of spectators did the same – got them doing a concert. We then did the business of slow clapping, when it gets to the end, people can’t keep up, they lose co-ordination and you get a huge noise.

“I went back to the tower and the geriatric Japanese officials and said, ‘Look, you’ve got a riot on your hands’ Bernie was there and he said ‘Yeah, you’ve gotta hold the race. Otherwise you’ll have trouble’. So they said ‘Ok we’ll have the race.’”

With the decision made, the cars finally lined up to start at 4pm. The deliberations had been going on so long that the light was now beginning to fade, reducing the limited visibility even further.

Hunt, nervously retching and hacking more than ever, was so  distracted that he took a leak in full view of the spectators. Cue  polite applause. Ominously, he then walked a plank laid across a puddle  and stepped aboard his McLaren M23. He tipped his helmet back against  its roll-hoop and closed his eyes in contemplation. Lauda, crushed by  all that had gone before, hunched forward in his 312 T2’s cockpit. Both  knew that fate was about to be sorely tempted.

Hunt made a blinding start and held a huge lead by the end of the  opening lap. As the rest pecked hesitantly in his rooster-tails, he was  out of sight, both physically and metaphorically.

Meanwhile, Lauda, unable to blink because of his burn injuries, was  drowning in the pack and questioning his sanity. He formulated an answer by lap two. The Ferrari – “a paper boat in a storm” – rolled into the  pitlane and drew up at its garage. Measured. The team descended while  designer Mauro Forghieri craned into its cockpit to ascertain the  problem.

After just 1 lap, Lauda had seen enough. Deeming the conditions too dangerous, and having already nearly lost his life at Nürburgring that year, the Austrian decided it simply wasn’t worth carrying on. He pulled his Ferrari into the pits and walked away from the 1976 World Championship. Lauda, the reigning world champion, had the skill but not the will to continue. It was “murder” out there – and life was for living.

Hunt, as drivers without a world title feel compelled to, pressed on  and kept his date with destiny. Hunt being Hunt, of course, he almost  missed it. Not until his post-race red mist lifted could he be persuaded  that he hadn’t.

With Lauda out the race, Hunt’s task was now a little more straightforward. He simply had to finish third, and the title was his.

The McLaren driver pressed on and by lap 10 his lead had doubled to over 8sec. Meanwhile, interesting movements were afoot further back in the pack.

Local hero Kazuyoshi Hoshino, driving a privately-entered Tyrrell 007, had made his up to third, from 21st on the grid!

More worrying for Hunt was that March’s Vittorio Brambilla had overtaken Andretti and was beginning to hunt him down. By lap 20, Brambilla had closed right up behind the Hunt.

On the next lap, the March driver decided to go for it. Brambilla, known for an erratic driving style, conformed to type on this occasion by inadvertently out-braking himself as he dived down the inside of the McLaren.

Hunt had been wary of Brambilla and was monitoring the situation constantly. In a moment of brilliant anticipation, he allowed the March to spin in front of him, performing the cutback and before carrying on as if almost nothing had happened.

Brambilla dropped to fourth, the danger to Hunt being over for now. Andretti at this point was gradually dropping back through the pack. It was Hunt’s team-mate Jochen Mass who was behind him now, with a McLaren 1-2 now looking very much on the cards.

Seeking to control the race from here on in, the team’s new concern was the drying line which was now appearing on the track. Caldwell put out a pit board sign telling his drivers to cool their wet weather tyres – this was done by searching for wet sections of the track, the water preventing the rubber from overheating.

To his team manager’s frustration, Hunt didn’t appear to be heeding the warnings: “As soon as Mass saw the sign, he pulled over in the water right in front of us. Then on the next lap he came down the right hand side of the track, splashing through the puddles, which cools the tires down, (while) James didn’t react.

“The next lap we gave it to Hunt again, the next lap again, he still didn’t do it. So we took away the pitboard, just gave him the ‘cool tyres’ sign and he still didn’t react. So then everyone in the team started pointing at it (the sign). Everybody in the team pointed, Teddy (Mayer, McLaren Managing Director) and everyone else and he still did nothing.”

Hunt carried on down the dry line, running his tyres way above their recommended temperature, seemingly oblivious to the warnings.

If Hunt wasn’t going to heed the warnings, then Andretti was: “Because we were emphasising this so much, Andretti saw it and started to cool his tyres. So he started running through the puddles. He didn’t have to stop (as a result).

“But James just resolutely drove down the middle of the dry track, and we could never bring him in, because he was never that far ahead. It was never possible to tactically stop him because there’s a big long pitroad at Fuji.”

Jochen Mass, benefitting from his team’s tyre advice, now began to reel in his team-mate. If he got past, he would have no trouble driving off into the distance to take the win.

However, the German’s diligence came to naught, as he spun off and out of contention on lap 36. This would have a huge bearing on the race later.

For now, Hunt was again in the clear. Another challenger, Shadow’s Tom Pryce, moved into second, but he too retired as his Cosworth engine expired on lap 46.

As the grand prix wore on, Hunt remained in a seemingly trance-like state as he stuck to his line, the situation became critical.

Whilst yet another to danger to Hunt had abated, the McLaren driver was now deciding whether to play the percentages. He could either pit to replace his worn tyres – and lose track position – or try and stick it out at the risk of losing so much grip he would be overtaken anyway.

Hunt took the second option. He could afford to drop to third, and this is indeed what happened. On lap 61, he was overtaken not only by Tyrrell’s Patrick Depailler, but also the resurgent Lotus of Andretti.

If Hunt managed to hold position, he would be world champion. For the next 7 laps, the plan appeared to be working. Then, on lap 68, disaster struck.

The McLaren driver suffered not one, but two deflated tyres – both on the left-hand side of the car. They were, as Caldwell puts it, “worn down to the air”. Hunt managed to drag his car round for half a lap before scraping into the pits.

F1 jacks at the time were not designed to lift a car with puncture at the front and rear of the car. While the jack was used to lift the rear of the car, TV shots show Caldwell and other team members lifting the other end of the car themselves to replace the front-left tyre.

It was a long pitstop, and once out, Hunt found himself back in fifth place. There were four laps left and Hunt was two places down on where he needed to be.

Two more laps passed and the Englishman was no further up the order. It looked as if he may have lost his championship chance.

Then, with two laps left of the race to go, Hunt started the fight back. At the exit of T1 he managed to get past the Surtees of Alan Jones. One more place and the championship was his.

Next up was the Ferrari of Clay Regazzoni. It turned out there were some Scuderia politics at play which would work to Hunt’s advantage.

Caldwell filled in the back story: “Ferrari’s reaction to Niki’s crash was to sack Regazzoni (for 1977). He had already been sacked (by Fuji).

“So he was pissed off at Ferrari. When James came charging along, he just stepped out of the way and let him by.”

After benefitting from Regazzoni’s apparent generosity, Hunt was suddenly back in the golden position, the third place he needed to clinch the championship.

The McLaren man just had to keep it on the road for two more laps and he’d take the title. The tension mounted, both in the team pit and back in the UK, where his family were watching the live television feed at 3am.

Despite two nerve-wracking final laps, the Englishman duly brought his McLaren home in third place. He was the new F1 World Champion.

Photographs show Hunt angrily remonstrating with his team as he climbed from the car. He hadn’t realised he’d got the job done.

Caldwell himself had mixed emotions about the whole affair, “He didn’t look at the board and when he came into the pits he started shouting at us, because he didn’t know what happened. He was incredibly annoying on the day. He did drive magnificently, he kept it on the road – that’s one point of view. From my point of view it was the most frustrating day – I could’ve hit him with a baseball bat! He could have won the race, just strolled the world championship. All he had to do was read this pitboard and drive in the water, which is what Andretti did, so he didn’t wear the tyres out and could paddle across the line with the same ones.”

In spite of Hunt seemingly making a championship-losing decision, he had still managed to pull it off.

However, such was Caldwell’s consternation, the two didn’t discuss afterwards.

I was so angry about it. We flew back to England and I wasn’t talking to him on the plane. He was pissed as a newt anyway – we were all pissed as a newt and totally exhausted. He just went to sleep.”

The two never discussed the reasons behind the events, but it didn’t change the result. Three years after making his F1 debut, Hunt was the world champion.

Ten weeks later Hunt arrived in Argentina to begin his title defence  feeling underwhelmed and under-prepared. A few celebratory cigs and tins with his friend Britain’s newly crowned 500cc motorcycle world champion, Barry Sheene, at Fuji and a riotous return flight had been followed by a  disorientating whirl of meetings, interviews and engagements. The  race-by-race title chase had been thrilling: a sequence of one-day  stands. Making it official had cooled the relationship. The love affair  was over.

Though both men would retire summarily during the 1979 season, Hunt  did so because he felt frightened and disillusioned, whereas Lauda did  so because he felt nothing, which frightened him.

Niki, though, had a system – plus a plan to run his own airline – and  ultimately would return to the F1 cockpit and be successful. James,  whose theories were sometimes somewhat scrambled, would not. He bred  budgies instead. You do what you have to do.

Lauda’s decision to stop at Fuji ensured that he would be able to  continue. Hunt’s decision to continue ensured that he would have to stop  sooner rather than later. One racing mind wiped clean, the other  cluttered – and racing.

In spite of his career’s decline, Hunt’s endeavours had captured the imagination of the wider world in a way no racing driver had done before.Hunt knew that life was for living, too. Tragically, however, he had just discovered how best to when fate too soon snatched it from him.

[bargainbinwizard]

Despite my ‘’make a food thief ill’’ spells,they don’t do shit. My mother has never gotten sick despite all of the times she stuck her fork/spoon in my plate/bowl to steal a piece of my food while ignoring my protests. Even when I spit in my own food or tried giving her the evil eye while she does it, nothing has happened to her. I know that based on my tumblr posts it SOUNDS like I have good relationship with my mother but I don’t tell people everything because it’s nobody’s business.

Every time I cook something and have it in my bowl, she just ‘’wants to try it’’ even though she already knows what it tastes like. She doesn’t cook the food she just waits for me to make it before she takes her fork out. Also when I buy premade or canned shit from the store, she still steals food out of my bowl even though there is nothing preventing her from putting whatever she wants in the basket when when dad takes us grocery shopping. 

When I get angry, when I tell her no, she says that I HAVE a bad attitude yet she gets all pissy when I don’t willingly give her my food. I’ve even hid snacks from her and she goes out of her way to steal them from my room or in the backroom. She has tried using the excuse ‘’I’m your mother and I’ve breastfeed you now its your turn.’’ and other bullshit statements on me.  When I used to not have a job, she told me to buy my own food but now that I buy my own food from the store, she still thinks she’s entitled to it. Dad defends all of her behavior too so big woop.

I don’t know why on Earth her angels would protect her from my magic for stealing my food but nothing I have done has worked. I’ve never even heard the angels that work with her or give her divine energy call out on her bullshit behavior. Not just for the food stuff but other problems.

I’m not looking for any ‘’just move out and get away from her’’ comments and I’m just venting about how stupid it is.