#this trilogy frustrates me almost as much as I love it

[chuluoyi]

𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐆 𝐋𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐄𝐌𝐏𝐈𝐑𝐄 !

- gojo satoru x reader // zen'in naoya x reader

the path of love is never easy for you, be it now or back then. love, pain, betrayal and tragedy — you have been through them all. after all is said and done, you just want one chance at happiness. so will your second marriage be what you always want it to be, or will it be one last heartbreak you have to go through?

genre/warnings: 18+ suggestive content—minors do not interact!—might be ooc, angst, hurt/comfort, a lot of fluff, marriage of convenience, explicit smut (semi-public sex), pregnancy, childbirth, mentions of curses

note: loosely inspired by and taking some elements of manhwa remarried empress. this is the final part of remarried empress au trilogy! wc. 9.4k ! i'm so happy with how well-received this little series is :') thank you so, so much for reading!

credit header goes to @/poro06625649 in twitter!

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general masterlist | series masterlist

“Satoru...”

Once, to you, love meant complete acceptance. To be able to accept someone so wholly, unquestionably, as they are.

Until you excelled in everything, a stone throw away from perfection even, and Naoya still spurned you.

When you married Satoru out of sheer impulse just to preserve your standing, you thought you had found that kind of love at last. Until it became clear a part of him wanted something else, and you couldn't accept that.

At the same time, you also felt like a hypocrite, because you wanted that love for you, and yet you couldn't give the same to him and even doubted him altogether. Using each other, you had even said.

But right at this moment... none of that mattered anymore.

Not when Satoru forcefully hurled Suguru aside, fought his way through the searing heat, tearing away debris after debris, punching through the remnants of the collapsing pagoda, all while dreadfully screaming your name.

“Where are you!? Gods, answer me!” He looked like a desperate madman. He was hyperventilating, bloodied, and yet he kept violently flinging the debris, determined to find you.

That sight of him struck you straight in the heart. He could've obliterated the whole tower with his ability if he wanted to, but he didn't. Doing so would seal your fate entirely.

He yelled your name once again, pouring his anguish and frustration into the air that his voice grew hoarse. “Where are you!”

If this isn't love, you thought almost tearfully. Then what is?

“Satoru!” and so you forced yourself to walk, despite being on the verge of collapse. Seeing him like this tore your heart to shreds. “Satoru!”

He stopped abruptly, his chest still heaving violently before turning to you. At first, he thought it was the voice inside his head. Everything around him was a chaotic blur, so when he turned to find you standing there, miraculously unharmed, he was stunned.

A shuddering breath escaped him as he gazed at you, the blue in his eyes filled with so much fright you had never seen before. "Y/N...?"

You staggered on your feet, your dress appearing singed at the edges—but you were there, alive.

"What are you doing!?" you admonished, almost in tears. "Why do you hurt yourself like that!?"

Suddenly, it was hard to breathe, but he didn't hesitate. He flung the splinter in his hand away and sprinted towards you, roughly pulling you into his arms.

"—!" he rasped, almost gasping for air, while squeezing the back of your head closer. "Heavens, I thought... I thought you were—!"

Satoru was trembling so badly in your embrace, unable to utter another word as he buried his face in your shoulder. He was beyond shaken—grunting, taking sharp breaths, and holding you so tightly that it left you at a loss of words.

He only pulled back once, albeit shakily, to have a good look of your face. There was one bruise on your cheek and you were covered in soot.

But you were still the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

"I'm fine..." you tried reassuring him, lips wobbling, placing a hand on his palm that touched your face. "I'm fine now..."

Then Satoru pulled you close again, and you came willingly. Simply holding you, he inhaled the scent of the roses mixed with ash in your hair, feeling your breath on his neck.

To see this man, usually so self-assured, reduced to such a mess out of fear for you touched you deeply. You nestled closer to him, feeling a sense of peace wash over you.

In that moment, as you two clung to each other, nothing else matters.

"You've always coveted what I have..."

The ice in your eyes and the chill in your words felt like a curse. Hanabi was beside herself every day ever since she had left Western Empire. No way, she even saw you in her dreams!

Granted, her impulsiveness had almost cost her everything. She shouldn't have placed that curse on the necklace— she shouldn't have dared to attempt it in the first place.

But seeing that piece that had tied you two together—the testament to Naoya's remaining affection for you, however small it was—made Hanabi burn with jealousy. Why did he remember you still? Hadn't he dethroned you and chosen her?

Also, why did you put it as if she had been trying to take all that you had? She was now a royal consort, she was just demanding what she was due!

"...and sooner or later, that will be your downfall."

Hanabi shivered as an intense chill seemed to enter her body, spreading rapidly to her limbs and brain, immobilizing her. What is it? Why are your words struck her to the core?

"My lady, are you alright?" her attendant walked up to her as she clutched her chest.

"I-I..." Hanabi faltered, trying to even her breath. "I'm not feeling that well..."

"Shall I get the physician? You do look pale..."

"Please do."

Damn you. The more she thought about it, the angrier she became. You must've cursed her, that must be it! Why else did she keep hearing your voice?

"Sending you back to Naoya is a punishment in itself—you know that by now."

No, she had come this far. Even if she couldn't have Naoya's favor, even if she couldn't become the empress... she would fight tooth and nail to remain a consort.

After all, all her life, she was meant for this.

. . .

And true to her conviction... once again, fortune favors the bold.

"My lady, congratulations! You're with child!"

Hanabi blinked at the cheerful royal physician as he delivered the news. "R-really? Are you... sure?"

"Certainly! Oh, this is great news! The emperor will surely be delighted by this news!"

For a full minute, Hanabi sat there, stunned in amazement. She had really done it, and if it was a boy this time, then...

"Aha..." she burst into a small titter then, before breaking into a full-blown laugh. "Ahahaha!"

You're wrong, Empress Y/N. This time, I will show you.

"Congratulations, my lady!" the ladies around her gathered, showering her with praises. And Hanabi knew that finally, her time had come.

True paradise begins in hell. And now, I've risen from that hell.

Contrary to what you told Satoru, you were, in fact, not fine.

Shoko was the one who led you out of the burning pagoda, sustaining burns herself in the process. Immediately after you found Satoru, who was frantically on the verge of losing his sanity searching for you, you collapsed in his arms.

You had inhaled a significant amount of smoke, there was a gash in your arm, and you were even bleeding due to the stress.

And therefore, you were put on bedrest for the next upcoming weeks by the royal physician's orders and by extension, Satoru's.

However, during those three weeks, Satoru never visited you even once.

. . .

"Are you sure you're well enough to be walking around already?"

After being confined to your bedchamber for what felt like forever, you decided to take a stroll in the royal gardens. Shoko was the one in charge of watching you like a hawk these days. She didn't usually follow you around—you noticed she often went out on her own—but lately, she insisted on being by your side.

"Mm-hmm, I'm perfectly well now, Shoko," you gave her a smile as you admired the blue roses in the bushes. "You don't have to keep an eye on me all the time. I'm feeling better already."

You would be lying if you said you didn't miss your husband. A part of you of course wanted Satoru to check on you, or at least, your baby. Three weeks had passed, and your belly was now rounder and heavier.

"Oh, well... That's good then..."

Shoko seemed a bit unsure, frowning even, and you had your guesses, so you decided to bite the bullet. "How is Satoru these days?"

"Eh?"

"You must've seen him. He isn't avoiding you like he does me."

"Your Majesty..." Shoko let out a long sigh, seemingly exasperated and sorry at the same time, and you knew you hit the mark with it. "He's well, don't worry too much about him."

"Is he taking enough breaks?"

"He— err, I'm not really sure about that."

"Then, next time you see him, along with my general condition, tell him that I want him to do so."

You didn't mean to make Shoko uncomfortable, and if you did, then it was most definitely not what you intended. You just wanted a way to communicate with your brooding husband, that was all.

"You absolute imbecile! This is beyond ridiculous, why are you refusing to meet your own wife and talk to her?!"

If it had been anyone other than Countess Shoko, they would have certainly been hanged for their outrageous words against the emperor.

Satoru actually felt bitter for not visiting you ever since that day of the fire. Truth to be told, he was worried sick, the terror of thinking you might have perished in the blaze still lingered with him to this day.

He wanted nothing more than to hug you and bury his face in yours. He genuinely wanted you to be well and safe, always. Preferably, if he could keep you close too.

So, why did he avoid you on purpose?

First, the utter awkwardness. Second, the very fact that you had allowed those scums from Eastern Empire to be released. He still couldn't accept it, no matter how. In his eyes, you did it out of love for Naoya.

And that, in and of itself, was like a betrayal of his heart.

"She is becoming unhappy," Shoko noted earlier, frustration evident in her tone. "And on some nights, she also experiences hip pains due to carrying your baby. You're heartless if you don't even come to look at her even once!"

But then, Satoru felt as if he'd been punched in the gut. His unborn child.

...he had left you more or less alone now, hadn't he?

In reality, you preferred the secluded comfort of your study over the royal gardens.

And yet, that beloved study Satoru gifted you on the day he married you and you became the empress of Western Empire felt constricting lately. You almost felt claustrophobic.

Maybe it was the burgundy walls, or perhaps it was the sting of bitterness in your chest that you tried to suppress so others wouldn't see. You didn't really care which though.

So, you often wandered through the gardens to enjoy the fresh air, and at times, stopping by the spot where the pagoda once stood.

Nothing. Now that was all that left. The image of a once-beautiful tower reduced to dust and the scorched earth evoked a sense of loss within you, and what made it more painful was knowing that you were the one responsible for its destruction.

But still, what hurt the most was... what had happened to the man who had trembled with fear, believing you might not have escaped the burning pagoda? Why had he spared you with nothing at all?

"Meow..."

You looked at the squirming cat in your arms, his fluffy tail tickling you. "Oh, Sugu-chan, do you want to take a walk too?"

The clear blue eyes of Satoru's pet cat looked back at you demurely before he leapt out of your arms and trotted ahead, as if leading the way.

With nothing better to occupy your time, you often played with Sugu-chan to amuse yourself these days. The cat, with its gentle disposition, frequently curled up next to you for comfort and he somehow made those days better.

"Sugu-chan, don't stray too far!" you called out, trailing closely behind him. Knowing well that you weren't well enough to chase after him should he run off, you watched to ensure he didn't disappear from sight. "Oh!"

And sigh, he did just that. Sugu-chan leapt into the bushes, prompting you to release a resigned breath before navigating through the maze-like foliage.

"Sugu-chan, where are youuu?" you drew a breath, glancing around in confusion. "If only you were calmer like your namesake..."

After navigating several corners, you turned another and spotted a fluffy white fur, and you swore to the skies that you would yank Sugu-chan by his tail if he were to wander off again, when—

"Meooow!"

"Bad, bad cat! Why did you bite me—!?"

—and there you saw your husband, crouching down as he clutched his hand, before he whipped his head to look at you—

"Satoru," you straightened your back by instinct, your heartbeat quickening.

His eyes turned blank for a second, before those blue pools regarded you with a look you couldn't really discern. "Y/N."

. . .

It was awkward silence throughout the way. You didn't even realize when you had arrived at Satoru's study.

You had wanted this unsettling atmosphere between you to end. Why couldn't both of you just be honest already? You were about to voice your thoughts when suddenly Satoru, who had his back on you, suddenly said:

"I will not have a scandal. Therefore, you will behave in a way that nothing is known against you. In return, you will retain your privileges as the empress of the Western Empire, and continue to fulfill your duties."

That? That's the first thing he said to you after those weeks sonorous silence? This stiff, faux nonsense of him pardoning you of your supposed treason?

"Is that all you have to say to me?" you blurted almost immediately, feeling your anger rising. "After everything—"

"After everything— yes." Satoru's back was still facing you, his light blue robes shifted slightly as he tucked his hands inside his pocket pants. "Despite everything, I have nothing but concern for you, Empress. And your act of treason— even if you take no offense, I still consider it a stain on my name to let a pair of criminals go free. Consider it my generosity that I decided to overlook it."

Your body felt like shaking, his strained and formal words irked you, and at the same time, pierced through your heart and tore it to pieces.

"I've told you— I can't let Megumi be condemned for a deed he hasn't committed," you stated firmly, staring hard at his back as if you could bore a hole through him. "He is a kind boy, he used to be my ward. And you know as well as I do, he isn't capable of such a thing!"

"What about that consort—the woman who overtook your place?" he suddenly turned to face you, and the expression on his face almost made you shrink. There was no emotions in his eyes, just a dark hue of blue. "She was the one staging it, wasn't she?"

"I'm not vindictive enough to sentence her to her death here, Satoru." The more you argued about this, the more you felt like you were losing him. "Naoya will deal with her as he sees fit."

The mention of your ex-husband seemed to trigger something in him that his lips curled into a sneer.

"So much trust you place in him. As I thought, I should've never expected the same for me. Granted, we're just using each other, aren't we?"

Your own words thrown back at you, it felt like your shattered heart was being stomped on and reduced to dust, because how could he?

Still, you blinked away your tears, steeling yourself with the one fact even Satoru wouldn't be able to refute. "You said it yourself—you intend to use me for your war against the Eastern Empire. How am I not supposed to see that as you using me?"

You let out a scoff when Satoru wasn't able to answer you, but then suddenly it occurred to you that there might be another reason, one you had suspected, and yet still not able to make sense of.

"I'd think jealousy is insulting to you, so why?" you questioned, suddenly feeling a sense of betrayal. "Why is it that you can't believe that I can love you the same way I did Naoya? Or possibly even more?"

To Satoru, that very thought still felt like a thorn inside his chest. How you managed to see through him almost made his facade falter—

"And if you feel that it's unfair to you how you're the one who keeps proving yourself—then tell me," you suddenly demanded with a gritted teeth. "How am I supposed to believe you've loved me when I know marrying me came at just the right time for your goals?"

"That's not true!" he suddenly raised his voice, all pretentiousness forgotten. Right in this moment, to your surprise, he no longer resembled the cold, distant emperor he seemed to be.

“From the very moment you led me by the hand twenty years ago, I’ve longed for you! And now that I finally have you— it goes beyond mere infatuation or obsession! Heavens help me, but fuck it— I love you so damn much!”

It was everything. Satoru had poured his entire heart out in one go, believing it would be enough, until he saw you trembling, visibly holding back tears.

Your pretty eyes widened as you took in his confession. Your precious lips parted slightly, wobbling in effort to hold yourself together—

—until you felt light all of a sudden, as if the boulder in your heart had came crashing down, as if you had let go of all fears, and a small chuckle escaped you.

"You said, the woman you thought to have a semblance of affection for you doesn't exist," your voice was uneven but you tried so hard to sound clear, a relieved smile forming on your lips. "But she does. I do."

“I love you, Satoru.” The first of your tears fell then, and your voice came out in a sob. “I believe I love you. I'm the happiest while being with you. And so, to hear you say that I'm just a part of your plans makes me so incredibly sad, I—”

“I just want… the honest truth from you.” You took a deep breath to steady yourself, your eyes glistening like diamonds as you fought back the tears.

He swore something inside him twisted and bled at your voice, and suddenly, nothing else mattered—

Not when you have bared everything.

Before he could think, he took two decisive strides towards you and pulled you into his arms.

"Don't cry..." he pulled you tighter into him. "I'm sorry— don't cry, sweetheart, please—"

You kept sniffling into him, and Satoru felt his heart break then, as never had he seen you so utterly dejected that you surrendered in his arms.

How was it possible that the mere realization and sight of your genuine affection and tears reduced him to a man who would give up everything for you?

“It’s true, I have been planning to wage war against Eastern Empire for years. I took measures to keep them in check, and I do think having you by my side would definitely give me an advantage. But that’s not it... when I saw how you were being wronged there, I was even more convinced it was the rightest thing to do.”

He loves you. Even if he had committed various things, be it heinous or deceptive, one truth that transcends all is that his love for you is genuine.

“You mean so much to me,” he whispered into your ear, his hand tracing along your spine. “Everything else might be true, but you— no, I have loved you first before everything.”

Oh. You looked up to him, finding his clear, steadfast gaze on you. So this is how he is like when he isn’t hiding behind that crafty smile. When he is being most truthful.

The overflowing emotions obliterated whatever doubts you had left. You felt full. A profound, pervasive sense of love radiated through your myriad thoughts.

And to him, nothing was more liberating than knowing that you returned his love with equal fervor.

You felt bliss... utter bliss.

You didn't really know when you fell asleep, but it felt like the best rest you had in ages. For weeks, you had been waking up in the middle of the night, either in cold sweat or feeling tingling, barely-there stabs in your growing belly. On those nights, you would clutch the pillow beside you for comfort.

But tonight, you felt warm, and the first thing you noticed was Satoru's hair right in your face. He had laid his head above your chest, and his fingers were gently stroking your visible bump.

"Satoru...?" you asked sleepily, and he immediately turned to you in slight surprise.

"Did I wake you?" he looked almost alarmed. "Or do you feel any kind of pain or—?"

"No, just—" and you bit your lip when that familiar stab of pain shot through your hips. Your hand pressed against the spot as you let out a small grunt.

"Hey, what do you feel now?" Satoru immediately moved beside you, capturing you in the warmth of his embrace. "Does it hurt much? Do I need to call for—"

"No need to, it's fine—"

"It's not fine," he firmly retorted, his jaw set in a tight line. "The royal physician will come here first thing in the morning and that's final."

A faint smile formed in your lips as you curled closer and sighed contentedly into him. "Whatever you wish then, Your Majesty."

Satoru took that as a hint of sarcasm, but he simply pressed you closer and placed his warm hand over the spot where your hand rested. "Shoko told me. How long have you been enduring this?"

"Fairly recently, actually. A few weeks or so..."

I never knew. He berated himself because how would he be aware of this when he had completely shut you down? The stress must've gotten to you, and you were so delicate right now...

"Sorry," he sighed into your hair, his voice so quiet it was almost unheard. "From now on, everything that makes you uncomfortable, please tell me."

You looked up at him, searching his face, and when your innocent eyes met his, he relented.

"I'll do everything in my power to ensure you have a smooth journey in delivering our child." His words, sharp yet genuine, made your heart nearly leap out of your chest. "I hate seeing you in any sort of discomfort."

He fretted over you this much and yet he used to think you wouldn't show him the same affection in return. That was so ridiculous when you thought about it now.

"Ah," you giggled freely, wrapping your arms tight around him, and Satoru was taken aback at how that simple affirmation from you made something inside him feel lighter.

His endearing queen, who loved him back, now right in his arms. As he massaged your waist, he thought back to many years of careful planning and schemes, just for one particular goal...

“Not anymore,” he told you quietly, and you sleepily blinked your eye open. “I love you too much to break your heart.”

“Hmm?”

You were puzzled, and could feel his hot breath at such a close distance. And then those blue crystal of eyes met yours, full of warmth, and the corners of his lips curved into a soft smile, one that caught you by the heart.

“I’m made of many things. The emperor of this land, a soldier of many ambitions... but in the end, just a man.” His voice was languid and yet so gentle that it almost lulled you to sleep again. “If it were up to me, I’d have no qualms with warring the Eastern Empire. But now... I no longer wish to do that.”

Anticipation surged within you at his words, but still...

Noticing your reluctance, Satoru pinched your cheek and smiled. "It's not what you want. I thought I could proceed with it even if it'd leave you heartbroken... but apparently I can't."

And with his next proclamation, you knew without a doubt that this time, they were truer than anything else.

“And do you know? Because I love you, I’m willing to do anything for you. Mark my words, my queen— From now on... Heaven and earth, I would give it all to you.”

"Mm..." Whether it was your hormones or the sheer sincerity that shone through his words, tears were brimming in your eyes as Satoru gave you his oath. "Thank you... for thinking of me."

"Anything for you, sweetheart." He dipped his head to press a kiss on your lips and you were about to snuggle closer to him when you felt that familiar flutter and suddenly let out a gasp—

"Satoru!" you exclaimed, almost startling him, but you immediately reached out and placed his hand on your belly. "Feel it!"

And then, his eyes widened slightly. It was the most wondrous moment he had ever experienced in his life as he felt the baby inside you kick and ripple beneath his palm.

"Ah..." he exhaled the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "Baby... she moves..."

The very idea of a precious baby girl that was an exact replica of you suddenly made his heart lurch. Satoru swore in that moment to protect her with his life... he didn't know it was possible, but he was already in love with her even when she wasn't born yet.

"Why are you so sure it's a girl?" you teased, wrapping your arms around his neck and smooched his jaw when he was rendered speechless. "I want a boy, you know."

Satoru snapped out of his trance and sullenly huffed. "I still hope it's a girl. I want a princess I can spoil rotten."

"I want a baby boy who looks like you." Your sincere wish surprised him, and he turned to you in bewilderment. "That way, even when you're away, I won't miss you as much since I still have the little prince near me."

"Ha." Satoru feigned a snort to cover the faint blush steadily gathering in his cheeks. Good heavens, how cute was it that he wanted a girl who resembled you and you wanted a boy just so he'd look like him? He was so giddy that he failed to come up with a witty comeback for you.

Pure bliss. After everything, this is your life from now on.

Shoko stood in front of your chambers the next morning, her heels clacking like a ticking watch of doom.

Unlike the everlasting frown etched on her face, she was actually in a dilemma, debating her choices outside your chambers. It was late morning already, but she'd hate to go in if you were not alone.

If she went ahead and caught you with Gojo on your bed—and worse, naked—with her own eyes... no, it was unthinkable what the sight would do to her. She would never recover. She would spew unforgivable profanities and Gojo might have her banished for real.

"What are you doing?"

Shoko whirled around so fast to suppress her shriek, and shot a look of distaste as soon as she saw who was behind her—Duke Geto. "Don't sneak up on me like that! You're not small like Sugu-chan!"

Suguru, prim and neat with his tied bun and black robes, raised one eyebrow, clearly swallowing any comments regarding the cat. "What are you doing, loitering in the hallway?"

"The empress hasn't woken up yet, and it's nearly midday. She has engagements with the master of tea parties later."

"Don't bother. Satoru's there. He'll most likely tell you that her schedule can be rearranged, and his word is law."

Shoko barked a laugh and Suguru too broke into a smile.

"So, they're good now?"

"Yeah... seems so."

"Thank fuck. Gojo owes me one for this."

The two friends chuckled again, relieved to know that the cold war between both of you had ceased.

Suguru leaned against the wall, his eyes crinkled at a memory. "Don't you remember those days, when Satoru used to watch the empress at each and every ball we attended, back when she was still the crown princess?"

Shoko crossed her arms, letting out a loud snort. "Oh yes. Everyone talked about him. The prince smitten by a rival country's betrothed... his reputation took a hit, but he never cared."

"I never took him seriously until recently. He was so adamant in his plans for the East that I thought... maybe it was all just to realize his war plans."

"Geto... don't tell me," the countess eyed her longtime friend incredulously. "Have not seen enough of the empress' paintings hanging in the halls? Is that not convincing enough for you?"

Throughout almost one year of your marriage, Satoru had commissioned at least five paintings of you to hang in the palace halls. Servants, members of parliament, and peerage must have seen at least one of your pictures whenever they turned a corner.

"If that's not stupidly in love, I didn't know what that is." Shoko shook her head with a smile. "Gojo has been spellbound for like years. I just never thought he'd really have her in the end though."

Suguru and Shoko had been by Satoru’s side for many years. Suguru was the closest to him still, and he had seen his friend for everything he was.

And knowing that Satoru was genuine in choosing this path, all Suguru could do was be happy for him.

“Life always has its ways… heh, I suppose all’s well that ends well.”

SOME MONTHS LATER . . .

"There, there, Sugu-chan!"

Suguru flinched. Satoru snickered.

"Meow!"

And you continued to tickle the white cat happily, seated a few feet away from both of them with a broad grin on your face.

"Should... Her Majesty be so close to the cat?" Suguru eventually asked, casting a skeptical gaze on you. The presence of the feline was certainly not what he expected when he entered Satoru's study per his summons. "It's dirty often and may affect her health."

"No, no... I never let him walk outside anymore and he has to be cleaned all times before the empress plays with him." Satoru's sly smile was a clear sign of taunt. "Suguru~ Won't you play with him too?"

Suguru shot him a withering look, his eyes twitching again the moment you addressed the cat by his childhood nickname.

"Oh, Sugu-chan, you're so gentle..." you exclaimed with a giggle. Your fingers gently scratched the cat's chin and behind his ears, causing him to purr happily and roll onto his back.

"Meooow~"

"Anyway, why did you call me here?" Suguru let out a sigh, disregarding the background noises and leveled a questioning look at his friend and ruler of the country.

"Hmm, nothing of importance actually, my cat just misses you is all," Satoru shrugged nonchalantly and Suguru really was about to pop a vein at his blatant response.

He then threw a sharp glance towards the pet and Sugu-chan immediately let out a dissatisfied hiss. This was always the way since the first day Satoru adopted him.

"Your cat, evidently, dislikes me at first sight."

"That's because he senses your animosity!"

Seeing how uncomfortable the duke looked, you suppressed a laugh and scooped up the feline into your arms. "Forgive me, Duke Geto. It's my idea to bring you here since I'm curious how you'd react if you and Sugu-chan are in the same room..."

...well, if it was your wish, who was he to deny it? Satoru would come for his head first should he do so.

You winked. "I'll bring him out for a walk, feel free to talk to your heart's content."

"Don't overexert yourself," Satoru warned, his playful expression towards him shifting to a concerned look for you, surprising Suguru in the process. "If walking is too much, take a rest."

"Yes, yes... I'll be fine~"

Satoru never took his eyes off you until you left his study, and Suguru couldn't help but smile.

"The way you always soften around her will never fail to surprise me," he noted with a hint of amusement.

"Then get surprised all your life because that's all I will do," he retorted with a proud smirk. "Oh right... how is the progress for the new courtyard?"

To replace the pagoda lost in your incident, Satoru came up with another gift for you—a private courtyard for your own personal pleasure. It still remained a secret from you, with Suguru tasked to oversee its construction.

"It's expected to be done before the empress' birthday, don't worry."

"Good..." His lips curved with satisfaction, before a blush tinted his cheeks. "And by then, the baby must've already..."

You were far along now, evident from how your dresses were no longer able to hide the curve of your swollen belly. He was to become a father soon, and anyone could see how elated Satoru was.

And suddenly he fixed his sharp gaze on his friend. "And Suguru, what about the other thing I asked? Have you looked into it?"

"Yeah...?"

"Zen'in Naoya's wench—" Satoru's eyes glinted with something akin to malice, as he still had that smile. "What did you find about her?"

Royal Consort Hanabi. A while ago, he also asked him to investigate her background, and Suguru almost forgot about it if he hadn't asked.

"Prior working as a palace servant, she was a former maid for Duke Kamo. As with all servants there, she was not treated kindly."

"Kamo? Interesting..."

The Kamo clan used to sit at Eastern Empire's throne up until Naoya's ancestors usurped it. Now, the heir remained a wealthy duke, and it was well-known that the fates of anyone who crossed him didn't end well.

Satoru hummed, barking a snort. "Well, I suppose that's it then. Suguru, proceed as is."

"I really thought you were done with any of your revenge plans." Suguru really didn't want to bring it up but he wasn't sure if this would bode well.

"I've given up on spilling blood, because that's not what my queen wants..." Satoru's smile froze on his face, yet his eyes sparkled. "But that doesn't mean I'll let that lowly bitch go unscathed. Our empress might be a saint and have chosen to spare her, but I most certainly am not as forgiving."

The chilly white light of the chandelier above him cast an eerie glow on Emperor Gojo Satoru at that moment, and Suguru almost shuddered.

"Didn't I tell you before? Anyone who dares to lay their hands on my empress... they have to pay the price."

Meanwhile in the Eastern Empire's palace, the royal consort still was the object of everyone's praises as of late.

It was almost astonishing how well she was treated recently, all because she was carrying the emperor's child, Hanabi thought with irony. So this was her life now.

Valued when she is able please the emperor, discarded when she fails to do so.

Sometimes it made her wonder, if it were still you in her place, would you be treated the same way? Or would you always be revered just like you were, unconditionally?

No matter. Her thoughts always leaned towards comparing herself with you, despite how much she hated it. Yet it was no use thinking of it now.

After all, now Naoya was in her arms.

She couldn't help but marvel at the sight of his sharp eyebrows and jaw. Hanabi had always thought, he was most handsome when he was vast asleep, when he wasn't hurling profanities at her or anyone else.

At first, she just wanted his love, and then a happy ending. She was never audacious enough to covet the empress' seat. But now she had to, after what you said to her.

"...that will be your downfall."

How could you? How dare you? Hanabi had gone through so much, who are you to dictate how her fates will turn out?

She now carried a son. She had even gone to an oracle to make sure of it. Soon, she would be the empress of this empire, and you would be forced to regard her as an equal.

And she was very much looking forward to that day…

Safe to say... you have long since thrown away any thoughts regarding the one woman who isn't worth a second of your time in your blissful days...

“Satoru, hng— ahh!” a lustful, provocative moan escaped your lips as you bucked your hips against his lips—face—and all the while, you weren’t even properly dressed.

But your emperor of a husband insisted on dipping his head inside your thin bathrobe and devouring you right on the staircase leading to the bathing chamber.

“Ah—aah—hah!” you threw your head back, spreading your legs impossibly wider around his shoulder, as you felt his lips licking your drenched nub.

You wanted so badly to see him, but weren’t able to do so as not only your belly had become such a dome that hindered you from seeing your lower half, Satoru hiding under your robes meant you wouldn’t be able to see him at all.

And so, all you could do was feel, feel and feel.

Feel how sticky wet your womanhood was, feel how his hair was tickling your thighs, and feel how as he eagerly sucked and nipped at you, it almost made you see stars—

“Satoru, the servants… mmrngh! Can walk in!” you tried to reason and yet failing at the same time as a shuddering pleasure washed over you like a rising tide.

“So be it,” came Satoru’s daring reply from underneath. “Let them see… and I’ll tell them— this is how their empress comes to be s-so swollen… with the fruit of my labors!”

You moaned again unabashedly, not even bothering to hold it back as the noises you made echoed throughout the hall, your fingers curling and clawing at the marbled tiles.

And soon, you couldn’t hold it in anymore as you came around his tongue.

“Ah…” you writhed breathlessly, feeling how your cum helplessly gushing out, limp against the stairs. Your body jerked, and cramped as you felt him taking in everything that came out of you.

When he was done, Satoru gently removed your light robe and embraced you, taking in every detail. He admired the cascade of your hair over your shoulder, the softness of your skin—seemingly even softer in recent months—and how your body gracefully accommodated the baby.

So heavy with his child… and yet it only roused his desires.

“Look at you, do I tire you out?” he chuckled, licking the remnants of your juice off his lips. You shot him an unamused look and poked his chest in response.

“Here, let me clean you up...”

After cleaning you, he gathered you and brought you to the bath tub, submerging both of you in the warm water.

Satoru pulled you close from behind, wrapping his arms around your upper body, gently kissing your neck.

“You’re so affectionate,” you giggled as you caressed his cheek. “I had half a mind that you’d be repulsed with how big I’ve become, and yet you never stray far from my bed.”

“Nonsense. Your chamber is the temple and I worship any ground you walk on.”

“You’re not worshipping me?”

“I do more than just worship you, my goddess.” Satoru drawled out with a lazy smile, burning a wet kiss on your face. “You know that.”

At this moment, you felt warm and fulfilled, resigning yourself to your husband's arms with a contented sigh... until you let out a low hiss when you felt the familiar pounding from inside your belly.

"Shh," Satoru warm hand pressed on the protruding spot in your bump, soothing you. "There, there... don't hurt your mama, hmm?"

Soon, you'd have your baby in your arms, and your heart melted at the very thought. That little baby would soon be running the palace halls, bringing joy to this empire.

"You know I'd protect you from anything and everything," your husband said to you in a whisper, lovingly breathing in your scent. "So my only wish for you is to deliver the baby safely. Afterwards, leave the rest to me, hmm?"

I don't want to lose you. That was clearly the fear behind his words. Satoru's grip on you tightened and you kissed his arm, reassuring him.

After everything you went through, this would be your happy ending, and you would do whatever it takes to win it.

And then the day comes —

Your labor pains started at the crack of dawn, and you were immediately brought to the birthing chambers afterwards.

Even within the confines of your chambers, your cries echoed through the halls. Shoko and several of your maids stayed with you inside, while the Archbishop guarded the entrance.

"It's almost a day and a half," Satoru muttered restlessly, unable to go on with his day as he paced outside. He had been with you when you woke up to your waters breaking, and he hadn't been able to think straight since.

A maid rushed outside with bloodied towels and he immediately stopped her. "How is the empress? Is she alright?"

The petrified maid bowed her head. "Her Majesty is losing blood, Your Majesty!"

He lost all reasons that very moment. "I have to come inside—!"

"You can't be in there, Your Majesty!" Archbishop Yaga sternly forbid, standing in his way. "It's women's business inside—you should be ready when they announced the birth of the child!"

Satoru's eyes twitched with fury and he was really about to drive past him when this time, it was Shoko who came out, looking alarmed. "Gojo! She's asking for you!"

"He cannot!"

"Suguru..." Satoru turned to his friend with a look and immediately, the duke went to the man’s side.

The emperor then regarded him with an unsettling smile. "Do you like being the Archbishop?"

"Huh?"

"Would you want to keep your position as the Archbishop?"

"Your Majesty!"

"Do you believe you can keep your position as the Archbishop... by defying me?"

Yaga fell silent, as if he had just swallowed a sour lemon, and Satoru seized the opportunity to push him aside. "Then move."

Even after Satoru had rushed inside, Suguru remained near the archbishop and Yaga looked at him incredulously. "He went inside already, why are you still here?"

"His Majesty's orders. Have to keep an eye for you for evaluation since he has another candidate in mind should he deem you unfit in your role..."

"Who is the other candidate!?"

"Ah, he told me his name was... Priest Akutami?"

. . .

Pain blinded your senses that you fell back to the sheets after strenuously pushing, and the next thing you knew, Satoru's face was in your sight.

"Sweetheart, hey..." he took hold of your hand and planted a firm kiss on it. His cerulean eyes gleamed brightly as he gazed at you. "I'm here now."

"Satoru—" your voice came out as a whisper, before another contraction seized you and you moaned. Your eyes rolled back involuntarily as the intense pain surged through you once more. You could feel how close you were, yet it was so painful you could barely breathe.

"Take deep breath, here—" he helped you to sit straighter and gave you his arm to hold.

"Your Majesty, I can see the head already!" the midwife exclaimed in joy, and Satoru turned to you with a smile.

“A little bit more,” he encouraged you, pressing a kiss on your temple. “Just a bit more, my sweet, you can do it, hmm? Here, hold onto me.”

And with his voice as your lifeline, you groaned and pushed once more, putting a part of your soul into it before you blacked out and collapsed in his arms.

At first, everything was silent, but then a sound reached your ears— a cry. Your baby's first cry.

"I-it's a princess!" the midwife announced, and the room erupted into gasps of wonder.

You looked at Satoru through bleary eyes, and for the first time, you saw him utterly speechless.

He was struck by the sight of that tiny being being gently cleaned by Shoko before his gaze returned to you.

You were sweaty, panting, limp, appearing haggard with tears in your eyes and streaking your face, and yet...

You are still the most beautiful thing he has ever laid his eyes on.

"A girl... just... like you wanted..." you managed to say with a hoarse voice and wobbly smile, and seeing you, without a moment's hesitation, Satoru went in and locked you in a deep kiss.

"Thank you—" even he himself was near tears when he pulled away and pressed his forehead against yours. There were so many things he wanted to tell you, countless celebrations he envisioned, all in praise of you and the heavens above for granting him such unparalleled happiness—

"...!" But suddenly, you curled into him, suppressing a scream and failing that it turned into a devastating wail, and you dug your nails into the flesh of his arm. "Ahhh!"

"What happened?" Satoru looked at you in alarm, then to the midwife who hurried to tend to you once more. "What happened to the Empress?!"

The midwife probed your belly, her expression lighting up with understanding. "O-oh my... there is another baby, Your Majesty!"

He didn't have time to dwell on the revelation when you cried out again. Setting aside all surprise, he aided you once more, and after more minutes of intense effort—

"A prince! The Empress has given birth to a prince!"

Twins. The whole Western Empire rejoiced at the news that their new empress had delivered a prince and princess for the nation.

Amidst the flurry of upcoming festivities and celebrations, you spent most of your days resting, as the birth had taken a lot out of you. Satoru took charge of the planning again, despite his busy schedule, and of course, he never failed to visit you and the babies regularly.

And whenever he did, his breath was always taken away.

Two precious babies lay still in the bassinet, peacefully asleep. Satoru gently poked each of them on the cheek.

The princess... as if the heavens had answered his prayers, she resembled you so closely that he fell in love all over again. She was so precious and small, and he imagined she would grow into a beauty just like you.

Satoru had sworn it before and did so again—he would protect her at all costs.

And the prince... he was so much like Satoru that it made his heart skip a beat. With his hair and eyes, his one concern was whether he had inherited his curse too. But regardless, he was determined to help and guide him should that day ever come.

When the boy cooed in his sleep, Satoru knew he too owned a part of his heart. He would definitely raise him well, teach him how to protect you and his sister, and one day, to succeed him as well.

As of you... you were asleep much like your children, and Satoru failed to hold back a smile. He gently combed your hair and just like that, you were roused from your sleep.

"Satoru, hello," you croaked and leaned into his touch.

His eyes fondly crinkled as he looked at you. "How are you feeling?"

"Good. It's been weeks. I've been feeling better for a while actually." You threw him a meaningful smile. "I might've cheated my way out of royal duties to rest..."

"Heh. Then keep cheating until the allotted time then. I'll permit it."

You raised an eyebrow. "When will my time be up?"

"The ceremony to present our babies..." Satoru played with your fingers. "We're expected to hold them and show them to the masses. You have to be there so they won't forget who the empress is."

"Right..." but you suddenly deflated and your husband tilted his head. "After that... we can't keep them out of the prying eyes anymore, everyone would delve into their affairs too."

Satoru's eyes fixed on you, sincere and true. "We can't avoid it, but if you wish for them to be out of the limelight for a little more time, I can arrange it. Your wishes come first."

The thought that your precious babies would be faced with many court intrigues made you want to keep them inside the protection of your womb a little longer. Yet, just as you and Satoru had experienced yourselves, sitting at the highest seat of monarchy required unbending will. Both of you would have to teach that strength to your children.

As if knowing what you were thinking, Satoru gathered both of your hands and squeezed it with a smile.

“Still, we are going to be there for them, are we not? Don’t worry. I’m here, and there’s no way I’m letting our son face any sort of curse alone.” He caressed your knuckles. “And you will be here for our daughter, teaching her how to become a magnificent lady just like you. As long as we’re here... they’ll be okay, hmm?”

Right at that moment, as you stared back at his deep, sparkling eyes, you could've sworn that you had fallen in love with Gojo Satoru once again.

You used to think that to love is to be accepted wholly, but after everything you had experienced, you realized that it also came with a load of worries, and you used to fear them, until...

A smile so pretty bloomed in your face as you squeezed his hand back.

“I love you,” you held his gaze unwaveringly, your eyes shining like glitters. “So long as we’re together, there’s nothing we can’t do, yeah?”

He seemed taken aback at first, before breaking into a smile so dashing it was almost blinding.

“Chasing after you and making you my empress is possibly the greatest deed I’ve achieved my entire life,” Satoru declared with a grin, and you knew your heart was truly his in every sense then.

“So, right. From now on and forevermore— You and me. Always.”

. . .

The presentation of the new crown prince and princess of Western Empire was an unforgettable affair. The grandeur of the celebration rivaled even the festivities of your wedding itself.

Given that it was both a ceremony for the babies and also nearing your birthday, Satoru decided to host a grand ball to mark the occasion. This lavish event ensured no one would dispute your position, regardless of how you came to hold it, and it was also befitting the bestowal of official titles upon your children.

Your son and daughter squirmed in their crib as they were brought forward, and once again, as you stood before the assembled court, you felt a twinge of reluctance to finally present them to everyone.

But Satoru's eyes held you with so much certainty that you found reassurance in his gaze.

And by the moment he cradled your son and you held your daughter, and he declared to the court—

"Here I present to you, the Crown Prince and Crown Princess of Western Empire!"

You feel wholly sure. With Satoru by your side, you let go of all your fears. Time and time again, he had proved the extend of his love for you, and as you ushered a new era with him, you believed all was going to be well.

Just like your coronation not long ago, the crowd cheered in joy.

Gazing upon the sea of people roaring and cheering below… a familiar warmth surged within you.

Once again, it was a sight beyond belief for you, as they chanted praises and acclamations—

“LONG LIVE THE CROWN PRINCE!”

“ALL HAIL THE EMPEROR!”

“LONG LIVE THE EMPIRE!”

SOME WEEKS LATER . . .

"We've received a very strange invitation..."

You looked up from your baby boy and curiously peeked at one of Satoru's aides who was on duty today, Todo Aoi. He had come bearing news.

You had always thought he was quite eccentric, but today, he looked uncharacteristically serious.

"Strange, how?" Suguru questioned.

"From?" Satoru added with a totally uninterested expression.

"Eastern Empire," the man coughed awkwardly, as if thinking hard. "Apparently, a prince has been born and the royal consort is to be crowned as the new empress..."

"Who!?" Shoko, who was holding your baby girl, whirled around in surprise.

"Royal Consort Hanabi, I believe her name is. She is to be the Empress of Eastern Empire."

It was such a deafening silence all of a sudden that you could hear a pin drop. Suguru and Shoko gaped. You were stunned.

Only Satoru who didn't seem to show any reaction to the news.

Suguru cleared his throat, feeling the need to double-take. "Empress of... where?"

"That conniving hag..." Shoko muttered under her breath, before her gaze accidentally landed on you.

You were surprised, but strangely, you didn't feel anything. Long ago, you would've been heartbroken by this turn of events, but now, it just eluded you how she could maintain her position as long as she could. Well, when one is favored by luck, anything is possible though...

Satoru suddenly clapped his hands, letting out a mocking laugh.

"Is it really that surprising?" he asked with so much sarcasm, catching all four of you off guard. "When the emperor can barely fulfill his duties, even a scullery maid could rise to become the mother of the nation. The real question is..."

It was as if a sudden chill descended upon the room when he next spoke:

"How long... will she last?"

The question is answered soon enough.

Empress Hanabi's reign in the Eastern Empire lasted for only seven days. It was known as the greatest scandal ever gracing the history.

She had given birth to a son, who was appointed as the crown prince on the same day as her coronation. Emperor Zen'in Naoya personally led the ceremony. At first glance, it really seemed well...

Until seven days later, he suddenly erupted in fury.

The palace walls have ears, and behind closed doors, servants whispered about the incident. It began with Naoya launching into a tirade, claiming that the princess born to Hanabi previously, as well as the newborn prince, were not his by blood.

It was of the highest form of treachery to deceive the crown, and so a death sentence was about to be imposed on Hanabi for this… until the emperor suddenly fell ill due to a stroke, rendering him unfit to rule. Prince Megumi ascended the throne as the new emperor.

Despite his stern demeanor, the young emperor showed abundant kindness. He considered the plight of Hanabi's children, realizing they would be in peril without their mother, so he chose to banish her instead.

. . .

How did it end up like this?

Hanabi didn't know how many days and nights she had cried, cursing fate and her life, as she was being sent away from the palace.

Everything was in her grasp. Her very grasp! Until... until—!

She sobbed her heart out once again, mourning her short-lived life, before it was cruelly robbed from her.

Her children... they were all of Naoya's blood. Despite doubts surrounding them, she was faithful to him and to the crown. All of this... was all a whole scheme to trap her!

...was it you? Could you have orchestrated this? Could you truly be so wicked as to ruin her life entirely?

"You've always coveted what I have, and sooner or later, that will be your downfall."

Was this the price of defying her social status, just like your omen, after all...?

"That can't be!" she screamed inside the wagon set to bring her to the unknown, her voice drowned by the sound of the rainstorm happening outside. "Empress Y/N... you're a horrible human being!"

With every fiber of her being, she hated you so much for ever crossing your path with hers.

Even until the end, she never realized that it was all her own doing.

After hours of journey on the road, she was brought inside a mansion she failed to recognize due to the storm at the first glance. She had given up on resisting because it was futile.

But upon realizing who awaited her in the room, she trembled in fear and backed against the wall.

Hanabi wished she could lose her sanity amidst the whirlwind madness happening to her, because really, it might be better than all of this.

His impressive height gazed down at her from above. It was impossible to hide from his piercing stare.

Duke Kamo Choso, with his crooked sneer, greeted her.

"Well, hello, Hanabi... it has been a while, huh? Did you miss me?"

- END -

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[discotitsposts]

meant to be

Spencer trying and failing to flirt with you because you are oblivious to his attempts.

spencer reid x reader

i picture this as later seasons spencer maybe sometime around 12-14?

some mature themes mentions of sex at the end so 18+

writing this because i saw something about people who are bad at flirting and that’s literally me. (i hope ppl get the reference w the nickname)

Spencer had tried every day to get your attention romantically. It didn’t work. Nothing did. You were so oblivious to all of his flirting attempts. He figured maybe you had trouble understanding so he worked harder to make you think of him as more than a friend. He tried everything his genius brain could come up with.

He even made up a nickname for you, Bean, because you always had a coffee in your hand, and because he was taller than you.

Today you were getting coffee with him as usual. At your favorite coffee shop and library. You didn’t work at the BAU so you would eventually have to go to your own job so Spencer decided to try again.

Since you lived in the same building, neighbors in the same hall, he picked you up every morning. Drove you to get coffee and you each picked a book for each other and then he drove you to work.

He knocks on your door awaiting anxiously. You come out in your outfit, just a t shirt and jeans. you didn’t have a dress code at your job, you were an author and usually went into a nice office that the publishing company provided to write since you had a hard time focusing in your apartment. Too many distractions.

In Spencer’s car you make small talk as he tries to think of a way to flirt with you. Normally he’d call Morgan but his son was a toddler now so he was busy. He gets so lost in his head he doesn’t realize he just ran a stop sign on accident and almost hit someone.

He hears you yell “Spencer what the fuck!” and slams the brakes. The other car honks and his heart is pounding in his brain. He pulls to the side of the road and stops.

“Spencer. Breathe. It’s ok.” You worry tracing your face at the sight of his extremely fast breathing and you rub his back reassuringly.

“Holy shit.” He barely chokes out. His face is beet red and he looks like he’s about to have a panic attack.

“Switch.” You tell him. He looks at you and feels comforted immediately by your face. “Let’s go, switch.” You get out of the car and switch sides.

‘So much for flirting’ he thinks. Then it hits him. When he picks your book for the day, he’ll give you a romantic story. Something that says ‘I really like you but I’m an idiot so I don’t know how to tell you but i’m not actually an idiot because im technically a genius but my fucked up life has ruined romance for me but i’d love to try it with you if you are okay with that.’

When you take over driving you don’t talk. You just focus on the road. You had even turned the music off. He hopes you’re not upset with him. That thought quickly dissipates when you pull into the parking lot and your face is beaming. You both race to the entrance and he gets there first and opens the door for you. You stick your tongue out at him and he smirks.

You order your usual drinks and he gets himself a breakfast bagel and you get a croissant. He puts the food at a table and you both get up to grab each other a book. You had yours picked since last night, The Godfather. It’s only a little over 400 pages so he’ll probably finish it by lunch time but at least it will be fun for him since it will make him think of you. At least you hope it does.

You have a habit of making funny commentary during movie nights. When you watched ‘The Godfather’ trilogy with Spencer he had laughed so hard he cried.

Meanwhile Spencer is searching rows of books looking for the right one. He moves to poetry but nothing feels right. He feels slightly frustrated so he moves back to classics and picks ‘A Little Princess’ instead. A favorite of yours you had read in elementary school. Not romantic but shows he knows you well.

When he makes his way back to the register to check the book out, you’re already seated munching your croissant. He makes his way to you and hides the book behind his back. You discreetly pull yours out of your bag and hide it the same way.

“1,2,3!” You both count at the same time and then reveal your books. Spencer cracks up when he sees the book you had picked. He had read this before but he enjoyed it because it reminded him of you. You both eat and finish your coffees. You look at each other.

“More?” Spencer asks.

“Obviously.” You answer. You both stand up and order more coffee.

Back in Spencer’s car you open the book and start reading. He’s about to put the key in the ignition when sudden confidence hits him. He doesn’t know if it’s the caffeine but he doesn’t care. He should kiss you right now. He stares at you until you look up.

“You’re going to be late for work if you don’t start that engine up soon Mr. Chauffeur.” You tease him.

He leans closer and puckers his lips slightly. He’s so filled with lust he just can’t wait anymore.

You look at him strangely. Was he trying to kiss you right now? Probably not. Truth was you were always so filled with doubt whenever you liked someone. Especially Spencer. He was just too handsome and sweet and perfect.

He leans in even closer to you and tilts his head. You, however, had gone back to your book and weren’t even looking at him.

“Does this make you uncomfortable” Spencer leans in closer. He closes his eyes and you lean down to reach for something from your bag. He doesn’t feel your soft lips on his and thinks he may have missed your face. He opens his eyes.

“Everything does. I have anxiety Spencer. All the time anywhere day and night. ” You reply while eating a yogurt you had found in your tote.

Spencer pulls away and smacks his forehead. He starts the car and drops you at your work and drives to the BAU feeling defeated. What would it take for you to realize how bad he wants you.

That night he decides to drop by your apartment. You had gotten a ride home from work by a friend tonight. He opens his door and walks the short distance to yours.

When his hand knocks on your door he feels nervous. You open the door and greet him.

“Hi!” You cheer.

“Hey, I was gonna order a pizza. You want?” He lies. He actually wasn’t the biggest fan of pizza. He didn’t eat it too often but it was your favorite food so why not.

“That would be great. I’m starving.” You clutch your belly dramatically. Which makes Spencer laugh.

He picks up the phone, “What would you like on the pizza m’lady.”

You tap your chin and think. “Sausage.” You reply. Spencer thinks of a way to flirt. Kind of.

“How much sausage would you like?” He asks smirking.

“Uhh, 5? I don’t know dude. The normal amount that goes on a pizza?” You answer sarcastically, going to your dvd rack to pick a movie. Spencer sighs. He calls and places the order and helps you pick a movie.

“How about ‘How To Be A Serial Killer?’ That’s a good one. I love Matthew Gray Gubler in this one so much.” You fan girl a little.

“Who the fuck is Matthew Gray Gubler? Also, no, not with my line of work. I need a break from that.” Spencer asks with a hint of jealousy in his voice. You clasp your hand over your heart dramatically.

“Ok, fine. how about a Disney Classic? Sleeping Beauty is my favorite.” You ask. Spencer nods. You put the movie on and grab two root beers from your fridge. Spencer thanks you when you hand him one and you lay a big fluffy blanket over you both. Not far into the movie the pizza arrives and you cheers Spencer with your pizza slice.

After you both eat and are full the movie is still on. You’re starting to feel sleepier by the second. Spencer offers you to lay with him and you take him up on it. He’s basically a giant teddy bear. He’s so warm and comfortable.

“I’ve got a real life sleeping beauty right here.” He whispers to you. You smile with your eyes closed. Too sleepy to open. He gets out from under you, to your dismay. He cleans up the trash from eating. He even washes some dishes you had left sitting. When he comes back, you’re still half awake. He sees you sneak an eye open to look at him and your smile after.

“It seems there’s a fair maiden who has fallen asleep. However can we wake her? What if she sleeps for a hundred years?!” He exclaims. You start giggling softly. He leans closer to observe you.

“I don’t believe it! She’s laughing in her sleep! Must be quite a funny dream. Wonder what it is. Only one way to find out.” He gently leans down and kisses your lips softly. This action puts you in shock and you’re blushing. He starts to pull away because doubts fill his mind. You grab his hair and pull him back in.

You both pull back and he starts to ask you,

“Were you ok with that?”

You cut him off, “Yes.” Then you rip your shirt off. Spencer’s in shock. He follows your lead and starts undressing. He picks you up and carries you to your bedroom. The kiss you’re sharing is deepening by the second.

“Fuck why is it so hot in here.” You complain.

“I can think of a few reasons.” Spencer had been kissing you on your neck sucking the skin softly. He lays you back on the bed. He makes you comfortable. He goes down on you and then fucks you like you’ve never been fucked before.

The next morning you woke up naked next to him flashes of last night replaying. You couldn’t believe it. Spencer was so passionate! You didn’t even imagine he liked you like that.

He groans next to you and turns over. You get up and put on some coffee. When you come back into the bedroom he’s awake and looking for you.

“Hey, coffee’s ready.” You lean over and kiss him. He groans too tired to give an answer. He pulls you into the bed and holds you longer.

With him, this felt so easy and realistic.

Then you realize something.

This was meant to be.

the end ♡

to anyone who read this far: hope u enjoyed reading!! please let me know if u enjoyed! xoxo

[stromuprisahat]

Honestly,I'm kinda baffled with the whole "Alina made Aleksander feel like a human" thing. She never seemed to care much about him,nor about his flaws or vulnerabilities(other than his Death Scene,of course). Or maybe I'm biased due to finding Alina obnoxious and way too bland to be getting all the attention she gets(Genya switched sides for someone who never even stood up for her,Nikolai offered a place alongside him even after she lost her powers). Alina still deserves better than Malware's toxic ass,tho. It's just that the author painted Alina in a much more heroic light than she ever deserved,IMO.

Feeling aren't rational and sometimes they're stirred by people, who did nothing to "earn" such magnitude. Aleksander was in love with her potential and the novelty of meeting someone, who could become his equal, opposing him. He felt "human" as in like a person with their own wants and needs, instead of a personification of his goal.

Genya's betrayal will never make sense to me, unless she's much more ruthless than the narrative wants us to believe, and intentionally switched sides, ensuring a place under Alina's protection as the Darkling's victim (for which I would applaud, and so would likely the man, who had to almost cut his own leg off to support his story).

Nikolai... well, Nikolai's simply weak and afraid. Alina was the only remaining person alive, who was able to control the creatures he partly became, so his offer was likely grasping at straws. Unlucky for him, Alina rarely had empathy to waste on others even before she was severely mutilated herself.

I understand the frustration about the unfairness of it all. Alina doesn't do anything to deserve the reverence she's offered, she doesn't change a single thing about Ravkan situation, and actively makes matters worse for Grisha, yet she seems to be worshiped as some sort of the main Saint post-trilogy.

Her story isn't about an unlikely hero, but a passive figurehead, who has immense power thrust upon them, only to lose the physical part of it and throw away the rest.

[wlwanakin]

The big problem with the Padme trilogy is that, instead of looking for interesting things to mine character wise, the author was more interested in 'fixing' Padme and making her more of a girlboss tm

(I'd also say that the author was much more interested in Sabe as a character - as she could build her basically from scratch)

i honestly don’t know if i’d describe the queen trilogy as really “girlbossifying” padmé but it definitely felt more concerned with making her a Good Female Character than like, a character who feels interesting. and maybe ekj was more interested in sabé but even sabé felt more like the foundations of a good character than an actual good character. in my opinion these books are mostly held back by being aggressively, aggressively young adult and therefore extremely surface-level and juvenile.

it frustrates me because you can tell they’re trying to do padmé justice and trying to expand on a beloved concept and set of characters. people love padmé and naboo and the handmaidens so books in padmé and sabé’s pov centering around their relationship where sabé is actually allowed to be queer should rule immensely. but these books try to sell us the most uncomplicated version possible of it’s presenting: naboo really is as idyllic as it looks, padmé suffers in her role as queen but only in the obvious ways, her handmaidens are all her friends and she gets along super well with all of them like they’re one epic girl gang, even the juicy stuff with sabé feels so muted and despite the tension between them they always end on good terms. and i really do think a level of subconscious gender essentialism is a component to why these books largely about teenage girls are unwilling to make their relationships with power and each other complicated despite being almost entirely about a girl who was crowned queen of a planet at fourteen and her decoys who are subservient to her to the point of death.

and it’s extra frustrating because there’s something there with a lot of what it’s presenting, it’s just not really committed to quite as much as i feel like it should be. and i feel like a lot of that is how they’re written—everyone has a very bland narrative voice including padmé herself and that makes any internal exploration feel shallow. but on top of that it’s just like, these books are so largely about all the roles padmé and her handmaidens play, about the extreme lengths they go to lose themselves and each other in padmé’s personas, and all these complicated themes about power and identity and loss of self are like right there and it feels like in this whole trilogy the surface was barely even scratched. even sabé, who i think is the best written character out of all of them, seems to have far less complicated emotions about padmé than i’d expect from someone who has spent a decade devoted to her at great cost to herself, quite literally loses herself in her, and is on top of that in unrequited love with her. like there’s enough there to intrigue me and worm its way into my brain and make me post shit like this but it’s not very substantive. i don’t feel like i know padmé much better because of them, just her circumstances. and i also think a handful of those circumstances are a bit stupid.

[marvelmusing]

I had an idea for the Another Life alternative ending. What if the reader goes back to her world and finds Aleksander there. Don’t know the logistics of how it happen though 😀

I always planned to have a happy ending where the reader chose to stay with Aleksander in Ravka (because I too would stay in a fictional world where there’s ‘magic’ and life is an adventure)

But I definitely once or twice thought about how angsty it would be if I pulled the ‘it was all a dream’ trope

Imagine everything that happened in IAL being a dream that the reader wakes up from. They’re utterly heartbroken, because it had felt so real.

So….

In (Another) Another Life

[Alternate Ending in the Real World AU drabble]

-

Aching for some familiarity, or perhaps hoping to find the pages of the book changed in some way, you search for your copy of Shadow and Bone - or any book from the trilogy. In your frustrated, teary-eyed state you can’t find them.

When you had first awoken, you were confused to not to wake up beside Aleksander in the Little Palace. Slowly, it had dawned on you that you were back in your world, the day after when you had appeared in Ravka.

Now, your eyes are sore from crying and your head still struggles to process where you are. It’s a ten minute walk to the nearest bookshop, and you shiver in the cold winter wind as you make your way there.

It feels as though you’re in a dream, seeing cars and people dressed in ordinary clothes that now feels so unusual after spending a year in Ravka.

Though it now seems that you hadn’t even left your world - that it might have all been a dream.

It feels like a lifetime since you had last visited this quiet little shop, and the blood pounds in your ears as you head towards the young adult section. It’s ordered alphabetically, and you hunt for Bardugo, repeating the name over and over in your mind frantically.

With shaking fingers, you pull out Shadow and Bone. Flicking through the pages, you find nothing changed. The ache in your heart deepens.

It wasn’t real.

Weakly, you slot the book back and tug out Siege and Storm. Tears cloud your vision as you stare at the pages. The same story. Alina fighting the Darkling. No you, and none of your Aleksander.

When you return it to its spot, you blink several times before realising there’s no Ruin and Rising. It’s not surprising. It’s rare that a shop has all three books in a popular trilogy. At least you won’t have to read Aleksander’s death in this state.

The ache is still there, clawing at your chest. You can’t help but feel cheated by the universe. An entire life - a happy life - has been ripped away from you.

Then someone says,

“Looking for this?”

Your heart stops, and you can’t breathe as Ruin and Rising is held in front of you, a stranger’s arm almost curled around you. But it wasn’t a stranger, because you recognised that voice.

Turning, you meet a pair of painfully familiar eyes.

If this is some sort of twisted trick by the universe and this man, that looks so much like your Aleksander, doesn’t recognise you, then you might just scream.

“You know me, don’t you?” He asks softly, hesitation filling his features. Your own voice is quiet, your chin wobbling as you speak,

“Sasha?”

A bright smile breaks over his face, and he nods.

“It’s me.”

Throwing yourself into his arms, he holds you tight against his chest. There’s an unfamiliar cologne of some sort filling your senses, but as he cradles the back of your head you know undeniably that this is your Aleksander.

Fingers griped into the soft fabric of his jumper, you bury yourself further into him.

“I thought I’d never see you again, I thought-”

“I know, my love. I know.”

Some of the tension leaves your body at the sound of his reassurance.

“How are you here?” You ask.

“I live around the corner.”

Lifting your head up from his chest, you gape at him.

“You what?”

He laughs softly, stepping away from you slightly and taking your hand in his.

“Come sit with me.”

He tugs lightly on your hand, and you follow him to the collection of armchairs on the other side of the shop.

“My name is Aleksander Morozov.” He explains once you’re settled in the chair beside him.

There’s a black wool coat hung over the arm, and a scarf is tucked down between Aleksander’s thigh and the edge of the seat.

“Yesterday, one of my colleagues mentioned the Grisha trilogy, making a comparison between my name and that of the Darkling. After that, I began reading the first book.”

So this isn’t the Aleksander you had met? But how does this man know you, like your own Aleksander knows you? Why was he still holding your hand, smoothing his thumb over your knuckles like your Aleksander always does?

“When I fell asleep last night, I woke up as Aleksander Morozova, hundreds of years before the events of Shadow and Bone. But I couldn’t remember my life in this world.”

You frown, your lips parting in confusion.

“You mean that, somehow, we… shared a dream?” You suggest. He shrugs.

“Perhaps.” He runs his hand over his chin, his brows creased together. “Perhaps we both entered a different universe, and happened to cross paths.”

“But you do know me… don’t you?” You ask tentatively.

He smiles softly, and says your name with a familiar fondness.

“Yes. I know you.”

Your fingers squeeze his, and relief fills you as he continues to speak,

“When I woke up this morning, I came here immediately to read the rest of the books.”

“We clearly still think alike then.” You remark with a shy smile.

This man is a stranger, you could have walked by him yesterday without giving him a second glance. Today, he’s the person who means everything to you.

He’s wearing a grey jumper and dark jeans, and part of you can hardly believe what’s happening as you study his appearance.

His smile remains soft as he looks at you, and your cheeks warm as you realise you must look like a mess. You had thrown your clothes on frantically to rush here, but Aleksander has seen you in a far worse state than this.

“Like calls to like.” He reasons, leaning closer to you as he rests his elbow on the arm of his chair.

Looking down at your entwined fingers, you also lean closer, resting both of your elbows onto the arm of your own chair. His eyes flicker up to yours, only to fall down onto your lips.

Your smile returns as watches your face carefully, and your stomach flips with excitement as Aleksander’s forehead brushes lightly against yours.

“I suppose so.” You breathe out softly and he smiles as he traces a fingertip along the length of your jaw.

Tilting your head upwards, you kiss him softly.

Both of you are shaking, terrified that this also might be a dream. Then Aleksander’s hand curls around the back of your neck, and all the fear leaves your body as he deepens the kiss.

He’s real. He’s here, and you’re together again.

Giddy excitement fills your body, chasing away the ache that had haunted you since waking up this morning, as you both smile into the kiss.

An Aleksander Morozov exists in your universe, and he lives around twenty minutes away from you.

The story of you and Aleksander might not have been the one written into a bestseller, but you know that in at least two universes you end up finding one another.

That’s good enough for you.

-

marvelmusing Tag List: @dreamlandcreations @blanchedelioncourt @idaofinfinity @slytherheign @ellooo0ooo @vixenofcourse @dumb-fawkin-bitch @jane-arthur

In Another Life Tag List: @parabatai-winchester @dangerousbluebirdpoetry @jambolska-grozdova @mxacegrey @budugu @cynthianokamaria @scarlettqueen190 @eloquentree @sharp-cheekbones-locked @sorrow-and-bliss @biblophilefox82 @tartiflvtte @rainbowgoblinfan @savagejane1 @sande5098

Aleksander M Tag List: @nyctophiliiiiaaa @jazmin2211

BB Characters Tag List: @rachlovesactors @noortsshift @aikeia

[felassan]

I was sent a link to a ‘chat with Mark Darrah' interview video that I hadn’t seen before. [here is the source] link. the interview took place in 2022, so bear that in mind when listening, but it still has interesting insights and things in there.

the rest of this post is under a cut due to length.

this post is just some brief notes and a few transcribed quotes of interest from the video.

Mark ofc was in charge of DA:O, DAII, & DA:I, then, quote, “then a bunch of malarkey happened” and he ended up in charge of Anthem in 2017 in its final ~16 months

In AAA games narrative is a certain thing that was very much defined in a lot of ways by BioWare

There’s a BioWare story in Anthem (though certainly not its best), if you just ignore everything else

The average gamer puts way too much stock into what engine is used to make a game

Mark is pretty sure that the guts of Neverwinter Nights is underneath the Witcher engine

Moving DA from Aurora to Eclipse to Frostbite (engines) opened up more possibility spaces

Frostbite stagnated because it essentially was the engine everyone had to use at EA

Before DA:I, there was a game at BioWare internally codenamed “Blackfoot”. It was going to be a multiplayer DA game and was using Frostbite before DA:O, during the time of DAII’s late development but before DA:I started development. It never shipped as it got eaten by DA:I

For the MET, Casey was originally trying to make a Star Control-type game but cinematic. Echoes of this can be seen in ME1. But ME the IP itself wants to be a space opera. Ultimately the cinematic experience side of it won out

And some specific quotes:

“Something that I noticed is that, sometimes, if your studio is hiring only your biggest fans, which I saw at BioWare sometimes, those people are in some ways, they’re almost more, they have more zealotry towards the ‘old way’ of doing things than – that’s right, that [from a fandom point of view] is all they know. And they don’t necessarily know that this was awful or that ‘there could have been a better way, we just didn’t see it until later’. All they know is, ‘this is what you did, and you made this thing I love, so we have to do that too’, and, so that’s a danger that could happen is, you get the, you know the monkeys and the bananas, like, ‘I don’t even know why we’re doing this anymore, but I know we’ve always done it.’”

-

“The biggest reason to consolidate on an engine is for the ability to share more work within your studio. In theory.” “The problem that often happens is that you end up with not nearly as much sharing as you would imagine. FIFA doesn’t share anything with DA. And in BioWare’s case it’s even worse than that, there’s very little sharing between DA:I and ME:A, and between ME:A and Anthem. A lot of troubles ME:A and Anthem had is [because of] not building upon the foundations of DA:I.”

-

“My great frustration of BioWare from around 2013 to basically today [2022], there wasn’t a building upon the past.” “30% of DA:I’s tech budget was spent on tooling. On ME:A they didn’t build upon the tools that were laid by DA:I, partially because they started before DA:I shipped, but also for ‘Not Build Here’ reasons. They spent 10-15% approximately of their budget on tools. Anthem didn’t build on either of these foundations and they spent about less than 10% of their budget on tools. So it was like they were going backwards, respecting the engine less and less as they went forward, resulting in more and more struggles happening.” “I have the most sarcastic PowerPoint presentation ever which compares those two games, which are treated as if they’re widely different things. They’re pretty much exactly the same game, from the perspective of any external observer. ME is more like DA than it is like anything else. So it’s ridiculous. The answer is hubris, is the answer.”

-

On endings and the future:

“I think you have to do something [about the endings]. ME was always conceived as being a trilogy, but I think what you actually end up with with ME1-3, if you kind’ve just stick them together into one ridiculously big game, that’s why it, in some ways, the complaints about the original ME3 ending are so hilarious because in a way, the game ME3 is the ending for this entire huge game, which isn’t awesome, because you know, the last Hobbit movie is also stupid because it’s all ending. So, that’s not necessarily the best, but that’s essentially what you have. So because it was intended as a trilogy, it, to some kind of degree it kind of takes its ball and goes home at the end, where its like, ‘I’m gonna render the possibility of a direct sequel to this sooo nearly impossible that it’s ludicrous’. It could be that, so we know that the Mass Relays are down, that’s also true, but, like, we have potentially, everyone’s a cyborg, potentially there are no robots, potentially, potentially, potentially, it’s bananas. But interestingly, if you look at ME1, ME2 and ME3 as a single game, and then you look at DA:O, DA:O was always, was originally envisioned as a standalone game. There was never even a consideration for a sequel made for that. If you look at DA:O and then look at what it does at its ending, so the ending of the game itself is fairly tight, it’s like, well you definitely have to kill the Arch Demon, and you’ve ended the Blight, but then you go through the end credits stuff, the epilogue screens. And it’s like, maybe there’s a civil war happening in Orzammar, maybe there are werewolves spreading across this entire part of Ferelden, maybe there are no werewolves at all. Like it’s similar. Now what DA, the way that DA approached the solution to that was to canonize some of those choices, but for the most part just move away, far enough physically, so it’s like, okay, well maybe there are werewolves down south there, that’s not my problem, I got my own problems. Or it moves through time, which is one of the reasons why DA2 moves through so much time is, it gives distance from DA:O. One of the major reasons why ME:A is literally hundreds of years in the future and in another galaxy, it’s like, okay, well, something happened, [shrug], we can react if we want to but we don’t have to worry about the consequences. DA has had the same problem that ME had, just to a lesser degree. DA:O did such a great job of building up the Warden that people are really attached to that and they keep wanting to see the Warden come back. People are never gonna let go of Shepard. DA, new player characters every time because it allows things to be done, but there are costs to that, if you don’t have nearly the [same] attachment. I mean, there’s a reason why every single Zelda game starts with you as Link getting bonked on the head. They’ve essentially solved the problem, reset button, either you have amnesia or you’re like the great-great-great-great-grandson. So it’s like, maybe there’s a way that they can do something like that, but Zelda’s jumped through a lot of hoops that probably a modern game can’t be allowed to do. You’re “Link”, so maybe there’s a way that you can be Shepard but, but Shepard, you can be “Shepard”, maybe there’s a way you can do that, but yeah, it’ll be interesting, it’s definitely a problem that they have. Because certainly, Ryder from ME:A is not the same character, nor could any character from a single game compete with a character from three games. Maybe the approach is, you canonize the choices from MET and you say, ‘and the choice we’re making is, Shepard made it, and you’re Shepard. [shrug]”

-

“I think there is a lot of DNA of its older games still at BioWare, but you’re right. Every game needs to be a game in its moment. It needs to be appropriate to the time and space of what’s going on. So, I get it, you kind of just want to feel the thing you felt when you played ME2 or feel the thing you felt when you played DA:O.” “If suddenly you got an ME2 again magically appearing out of the ether, I don’t think it would be received the same way. The industry isn’t in the same place. BioWare needs to set a new bar.” “The sad truth is, the older you get, the less relevant a part of the buying demographic you are. So the reality is, I mean ME:A had a shaky launch unfortunately, but it’s a lot of peoples’ favorite ME. Mostof those people who it is their favorite ME are younger people because it targets, you know, it’s got a younger PC, it’s got a stronger, more. I mean, the MET is very much, Shepard is a hero from action movies from the 80s and 90s, for millennials. He’s stoic. Whereas Ryder is definitely, he’s much more a protagonist from a CW show. The reality is is that, sorry, but they’re not trying to make it for you anymore.”

[source and full watch link where you can check it out]

[green-planets]

Sharing some of my thoughts on Cinderella's Castle because I have no one to talk with irl about it (I'm sure most of my points have already been brought up by other people but whatever!) Dark fantasy is my bread and butter so I'm a little disappointed that I had such mixed feelings after my first watch through.

BE WARNED THERE ARE SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT!!

First thing's first, the set, lighting, PUPPETS, and COSTUMES were gorgeous!! The team knocked it out of the park with the look of the show!

Also the twists on the classic Cinderella story were *chef's kiss* The explanations for why no one could remember Ella's face, how the glass slippers worked, and the Stepmother CHOPPING OFF ELLA'S FEET!?! AND SEWING THEM ONTO PUTRICE'S SKIN SUIT SO SHE COULD WEAR THE SLIPPERS!?!?! Strokes of genius. I applaud the Langs

I wanted to see way more of Sir Hop-A-Lot and Crumb! I think they definitely would have benefitted from having a song with Ella, it would have helped solidify their bond and helped flesh out their characters (tbh Ragweed felt like he had more character than either of them 😭)

The songs were VERY hit or miss for me and I felt like a few of them didn't really match the tone of the show. Ash to Ash was a standout number (Kim absolutely killed it!!)

Bryce was amazing as expected and I'm so so happy she was the lead! Her voice is to die for and she brought so much emotion to the role of Ella

I was surprised the Prince and Tadius didn't get a comedic song. It would have worked so well for the scene where Tadius was announcing the ball! He could have been describing ideal characteristics of a queen to the Prince while the Prince goes off on horny ramblings, Tadius gets more frustrated as the song goes on until he finally throws up his hands in defeat, etc.

That being said, I was not a fan of the majority of the raunchy humor. Almost every line that came from the Prince was so unnecessarily gross. I know that was the whole point and I love James as an actor but the character just was not for me. Maybe I'm getting too old for constant streams of dick and poop jokes. I kinda wished they had stuck with a more serious tone overall

This is definitely a nitpick: the fairy godmother scene was SO GOOD (probably my favorite tbh) but I was SO distracted by the pants (AND THE SHOES STICKING OUT!!!) The costume would have looked more ethereal with a floor length skirt imo (or at least cover up her feet!)

I loved Jeff as the narrator. His interactions with Ragweed were very fun!

I had some issues with the pacing and the ending felt very rushed. Ella's final confrontation with her Stepmother should have been an epic battle but instead we got an exposition dump, a flash of light, and it was over :/ Kind of disappointing for the big climax of the show tbh

This is a criticism I've had with several Starkid musicals (aka Hatchetfield trilogy) where we have a character's friend(s) die horrifically and get very little emotional reaction from said character. So THANK YOU Langs for letting Ella properly mourn Lucy and Justine at the end!!!

I do have a lot more thoughts but they feel like nitpicks and complaints about minor plot holes and such, so I don't know if they're really worth sharing at this time. Anyway, overall I thought Cinderella's Castle was okay. The good parts were REALLY REALLY GOOD but unfortunately there were a lot a bits I personally did not enjoy as much as I'd hoped. I'll try to give it at least a second watch before my digital ticket expires to see if any of my opinions change. If not, I'll wait until the pro-shot comes out next year.

[crisiscutie]

Mother dearest...

JENOVA. The Calamity From The Skies. The "Mother" of Sephiroth.

A wonderful ramble/rant/analysis/whatever by C.C. about hers/its truly...

I've always found this lifeform to be so fascinating, and it's not because I am fond of monsters, okay my bias may have played in a role in it. Yet, what frustrates me is the lack of definition for it. The abilities of it seem so boundless, but obviously, it has some limits, which is why it was eventually defeated by the Ancients, right? But what exactly are those limits? The range of its powers is INSANE. Besides the obvious shape-shifting, it can read the memories and thoughts of almost anything, spawn monstrosities, and grant immense strength, healing factors and heightened senses to those who possess its cells, surpassing human and most other beings by several levels... How the hell was JENOVA defeated!? Then again, you might as well ask why the Black Materia exists while you're at it.

And then there are obvious questions like if JENOVA was controlling Sephiroth during the Nibelheim Incident, or if it is still sapient around the time of OG FF7/Remake even through Sephiroth at the helm...

I'm really hoping that the 7R trilogy will expand on its history and its species (if applicable). We need answers. Plenty of them. The more we learn about it, the more we learn about Sephiroth...

I'm especially hoping for the theory of JENOVA being an Omega Weapon from another planet is true because that would make a lot of sense... And I'm especially curious about how they will handle JENOVA's single line in the FF7 series in Rebirth.

This happens not long after THAT MOMENT... So how it will be portrayed? Will they get another voice actor? Use a distorted version of Aeriths voice? I will be annoyed if it's rewritten as a Sephiroth line.

Another aspect that I find interesting is how Sephiroth's perspective on it contrasts with everyone else's. Despite his intense disdain for human-like attributes such as emotions and sentiments, Sephiroth humanizes JENOVA, while others perceive it as nothing but a monster. Correct me if I'm wrong, I'm fairly certain that the only people who even refer to JENOVA with feminine pronouns are Sephiroth and his remnants.

Now, on the flip-side, Sephiroth objectifies everyone else, only using their names when necessary and discarding them like tools once they have served their purpose. When he treats someone more than a tool, then they're just a parasite waiting to be executed. It's interesting how JENOVA is ALSO a tool for him. A special one, deserving of his love and praise. It serves as an effective weapon for the obvious reasons given in the first paragraph. It also satisfies his unmet need for a maternal figure, something he had craved pretty much his whole life. He's really putting the "everything and anything" abilities of JENOVA to the test, huh? And in a twisted way, it holds some truth, just like there is always an element of truth in Sephiroth's web of deceit. And I bet he empathized with it too when learning of his "origins". Being a monster that was used and locked away, similar to himself...

But anyway, Ignoring JENOVA would be like ignoring Sephiroth since it's so integral to his character. Especially when you consider he literally becomes one with at some point in the games. It played a significant role in shaping the Crisis Cutie we adore and love! It's who he is.

Also fun fact: I'm pretty sure that red-pink glow in the Rebirth logo are definitely JENOVA'S eyes.

[trashtalkingracoon]

ok, so some thoughts about Thrawn: Treason. i'm gonna put all of this under a Read More just in case.

first of all, i must say i absolutely love Eli Vanto and i missed him dearly. having him around again during Treason was just so, so good.

Eli is such a great character. smart, interesting, kind hearted. his thoughts and feelings are just so interesting to me. the frustration after being "good day lieutenant vanto"ed by Thrawn was so funny. i mean, the man gave Eli his diary and then just said GOOD DAY? i'd be mad too.

i also LOVE Ronan. he is so silly with that cape and his antagonistic behaviour towards Thrawn and how he absolutely worships Krennic. i think Ronan is another very interesting character and i appreciate how he is given a second chance by Thrawn. i know Thrawn does that because he sees a purpose for Ronan and i'm glad this purpose is among the Chiss. i feel like there is so much to his character when we break the walls Ronan built to survive the Empire and thrive. he behaves like that because that's what is needed and expected of a Imperial buoroucrat. however, i feel like the way he is "taken" to the Ascendancy is kinda weak.

now, about Thrawn, i really like how he is slowly losing grip of things. he is thrown in the middle of a political showdown he doesn't understand. the grysks are dangerously close. he loses his precious TIE defender fundings. he wins every battle and somehow keeps losing. and yet the wishes to remain in the Empire, because he thinks that the Empire, a fascist regime with a strong military and no political freedom, is the answer to fight off the Grysks. he recognizes the Empire's weaknesses but he needs its military power. but the Grysks get their way by infiltrating slowly in a culture and political structure. military power is not the answer.

anyways. everything about Thrawn fascinates me. he is just this normal dude that keeps pulling shit out of nowhere and somehow he manages to be almost always right. he pulls the craziest plans and is just like "lol trust me". i love him.

now i will read the Ascendancy trilogy which i havent read yet so i might come back with more weird ass long Thrawn posts. also i just wanna say that filoni is a bitch that should read the canon books because they are very good material. "long live the empire" my ass.

[bellysoupset]

I love love LOVE this new Wen + Max (+ Vin) trilogy 😍

The hospital not being able to afford Wendy going above her hours and then threatening to request a phsych eval. God, girl, you need some rest, go and get it!!

The text messages between her, Jonah, and Bella were hilarious. Wendy needed them so bad to realise she could just go and be with Vince lol.

70% lingerie? Go, girl!!

Vince in detention duty? Now I want to see that. But poor Wen though, she was so frustrated with the headache already and all she wanted was Vince 🥺

Being on the road with a migraine must suck so bad.

Thank God for Max's need to suuubtly follow her. Being A Nice Person indeed. He knew Wen was nauseous immediately because he is so familiar with the signs himself. Poor thing. The both of them.

"Hurl and then I'll drive you"😳 jkgkfkfkg

Max continuously calling Wen gorgeous!! Hell yes.

Oh Max is going to get a heart attack if these two keep fainting on him. He was SO panicked for a sec there.

"Polar bear of a boyfriend" couldn't be more accurate.

Poor girl was on the verge of crying in pain and Max just kept talking because he was worried and frustrated by her request to stop it then unintentionally made it worse. Oh my heart.

Then he took her to Vin's place and wanted to stop her tears and pain so badly, but didn't know how. I feel like Max wanted Vince to arrive more than Wendy herself did lol.

Vin was sooo confused and guilty when he finally got home, but he immediately jumped into caretaking. The contrast of him being that familiar with Wen's migraines and Max just feeling totally out of place, not knowing what more to do to help. Then the way Max was so eager to grab the meds when Vin asked him to that he almost tripped over himself. Baby.

Vince was so grateful for Max' help, and Max got red in the cheeks and butterflies in his stomach from Vin's smile just to turn the situation into a comedy with the puked on shirt.

Btw what do you mean you feel like you don't make it clear enough that Vince loves Wendy more than his life? No way. Soup, I only need to read a single sentence from Vin to Wendy and it's clear as day even if they are not as "dramatic" as you put it. Better yet, Vin can stay silent even and I would know he is head over heels in love with Wendy just by his actions and mimic. Like, just look at the beginning of the third part. Vin showed up with food and tulips because he didn't want Wen to have lunch alone 🥺😍 How would this not be clear?  You describe their connection so well, Soup. There is no need to worry.

I should truly shorten these asks I'm sending, but I don't want to send 10 separate ones and I simply can't shut up, I'm sorry.

Back to part 3. Vince is understandably worried about Wen and her constant need to be busy and not be alone. Working that much is not healthy.

I loved his reaction to Wendy wanting to have lunch with Max then him just asking the guy so casually like 'my girlfriend wants to take you out for lunch'. Max' face must have been something else 😂

It's so obviously Wendy to just invite Max for lunch as thanks. Will she get him a nice shirt to replace the one she puked on like she did to Vince back then? 👀

Max let Wen pick the place because it didn't matter, he was going to end up sick anyways. Poor thing I feel so bad for him for having such a sensitive tummy. (But I really enjoy reading about his suffering, damn 🙈)

I love that we got to know more about Max and Wen's background and that he felt a bit more understood with Wendy's family not being perfect either.

"Should've told you my gut is a temperamental bitch" "Like its owner?" God, I love her

Max felt so embarrassed to be seen sick and Wendy was like 'nope, I'm a doctor and you saw me being sick too, now let me help'.

I'm going to shut up now because this ask is beyond huge already. Hope you have fun reading all this.

- 💜

Vin in detention duty would be PITIFUL! He's such a pushover and teenagers are not at all his demographic as a teacher, he'd just be "😐 guys I know none of us want to be here, so let's just try and be nice and yeah, sure you can watch tiktok I guess- Sure, let's watch some youtube videos..." then the principal never again puts him on detention duty

Max is SO overwhelmed by these people, between Vin and Wendy he had such a month, most emotional month he's had in a very long time. I'm so happy you enjoyed his POV!!

Btw I love the idea of Wen giving him a shirt like she did with Vin, crazy parallel I hadn't even noticed. Stealing that!

Wendy really does need to calm. down. Her, Jon and Luke are ridiculous overworking people who need someone in their life telling them to just go sit in a corner for a while, thanks. These really tend to be the dynamics I gravitate to!

[effemar]

hi are there any trc fics you would recommend? (saw your tags on that one fandoms with good fic post)

ohhhhh tumblr user after my own heart...

First of all, some of my thoughts on the subject. I love fanfiction -- both as a phenomenon and as a genre of writing. I have a deep and sincere appreciation for the earnest engagement with media it fosters, the creative potential it holds, and the way it can be truly and deeply bad. This being said, what I think makes a fic good is different from what makes a book or a movie good. To me, a good piece of fanfiction is simultaneously a story and a piece of analysis. It should respond to the work it's based on, even (or perhaps, especially) to the detriment of its functionality as a standalone narrative.

This is all to say that the fics I'm recommending here rely heavily on knowledge of the books, and their main merit is in how they engage with the canon narrative. So bear that in mind.

TRC has a lot of fic in a variety of niches and tones. I will try to give you a diverse sampling. That being said, the vast majority of TRC fic that exists is Adam/Ronan (because fandoms are predictable like that) which means the recommendations here are slanted that way.

In no particular order:

Son of the Nuclear A-Bomb -- This is the fic I recommend most among this selection. A clear divergence from canon, it nevertheless extrapolates perfectly on existing themes, to the point that it straight-up predicted several plot points regarding Ronan's family in The Dreamer Trilogy. It's the TRC fic of all time.

Out for Re-henge -- Among TRC fics, there's a surprisingly substantial percentage that are, simply and exclusively, about Blue and Ronan having platonic bonding moments. It's just two teenagers having unmagnificent adventures. Like, as a distinct genre. I've never observed this in any other fandom. You can find more of these under the 'Ronan Lynch & Blue Sargent' relationship tag, with Gen checked as the work category. There's some real gems.

empire that runs on its own -- MIND THE TAGS. I said I'd give you diversity, so I'm giving you diversity. I hesitate to recommend this fic usually, as it can be unpleasant to read and has genuinely upsetting subject matter, but if I'm going to talk about how good TRC fic is, I have to pull out the big guns. It's genuinely incredible work. There's imagery and themes in this that still echo in my head, years after I first read it.

feels better biting down -- Everything by this author is incredible, but I enjoy this fic in particular because it's set in an unexplored bit of time before the series actually starts. It has a unique, lethargic tension that mimics the state of the characters' relationship at this point. It is almost pointedly unromantic, despite dealing with characters who we know have/will have a romantic dynamic during the events of the books.

my bones into your bones -- This fic frustrates me so much. It's incredibly emotionally intense, it has lines that are tattooed on the inside of my eyelids, and it's completely and unapologetically About People Fucking so I can't recommend it to anyone without paralyzing embarrassment. I skipped over this fic in the tag for like three years because of this, but eventually I decided to see what all the fuss was about, and gave it a try. When I tell you it's good, I mean that I felt like I'd been put through the fucking laundry.

Those are mostly pretty serious fics, so here's some light(er) runner-ups as palate-cleansers.

see you somewhere, someplace, sometime -- Ronan assholery, feat. Declan

Hey, Brother (PUNKBITCH) -- Ronan assholery, feat. Blue

in your manner of speaking -- Ronan assholery, feat. Adam (are you beginning to notice a pattern)

[liraleinil]

So. I finished reading the Captive Prince trilogy in three days (just the novels, not the short stories) and I am feeling a lot of things, but mostly I'm feeling vaguely frustrated. It's hard to articulate how I feel. I enjoyed the books while I was reading them, even though some parts made me cringe. But that's not the problem.

The problem is the Lymond Chronicles by Dorothy Dunnett. I feel like at least some people who liked the Captive Prince books would love Dunnett but I've found that recommending the books rarely sticks. 

If you're expecting an epic gay romance, you won't find it in Lymond. But a lot of the other elements in the Captive Prince series are there, along with great writing, a complex cast of characters, and plots and ploys abound. I don't read much historical fiction, but Dunnett was so good, it sucked me completely in, despite knowing very little of the history and setting. (Not so different from reading fantasy, really.) 

Anyway! Spoiler warnings for all the Captive Prince novels and the Lymond Chronicles, though it's less explicit for the latter.

Let's get the obvious thing out of the way. My favourite book series is the Lymond Chronicles by Dorothy Dunnett, six historical fiction novels set in the 1500s, spanning from Scotland to Europe to Turkey to France, featuring a blond-haired, blue-eyed, minor Scottish nobleman known as Francis Crawford of Lymond. I'm sure other people have pointed out the similarity between the two series and the characters Laurent and Lymond and there has been analysis by people much more eloquent than me. 

I started reading Captive Prince one afternoon and finished it before midnight. I went on to read Prince's Gambit simply because Laurent was acting so Lymond-like that I had to find out what he was up to. I immediately suspected he knew who Damen was from the start because that's the sort of annoying leaps of logic Lymond makes, with his cornflower blue eyes glittering with malice — that's how similar they are.

I'm not one of those people who can't enjoy a book because something like it has already been done before. I'm always looking for books that could bring me back to that same kind of excitement I found when I first read the Lymond Chronicles. One of the reasons I picked up Captive Prince was because of the comparisons made to Lymond.

It's just that I feel a bit cheated that, despite all the similarities, I don't think it would be easy to get people to read the Lymond Chronicles after getting into Captive Prince. It's too dense, too full of historical references, too many quotes in too many languages. Too clever. 

Who knows whether the parallels in the two series were intentional or not. At the start of the first book, The Game of Kings, Lymond gets drunk before he goes off to rob his mother, Sybilla, and set her castle on fire. Here's part of his conversation with her. You can see why everyone around him wants to stab him. He's more loquacious than Laurent, at any rate.

Yes, he even has an older brother. Lymond goes and antagonises Richard almost immediately after this. I think that was the point where I started wondering, This is the man we're supposed to get behind? Quite the antihero, Francis Crawford of Lymond. 

There are other things. They don't play the same part or advance the narrative the same way in both stories, but the fact that they are there just … I'm not even sure what to say. Imitation is the best form of flattery? There are disguises with hilarious consequences, trials where every single piece of evidence is disputed, exhilarating chases over the rooftops of Paris, whips and whipping posts, royal hunts that don't end well, ridiculous acrobatics on horses, babies of indeterminate parentage, your favourite characters ending up dead, Will Scott's mix of hero worship and wanting to strangle Lymond at the same time, and Jerott (I don't even know where we should toss Jerott). 

Sometimes it's just a line, and I end up raising an eyebrow at it because it sounds so Dunnett. I'm not disparaging Pacat here; as I said earlier, I'm frustrated, because I feel more people should enjoy the Lymond Chronicles and Dunnett's writing, but they're not going to, because Dunnett was too clever and made the books too dense and witty and difficult.

If you do start The Game of Kings, though, I ask you to try to get at least to page 100 or so before giving up. That was where I decided that yes, this was definitely worth the effort. 

I don't suppose I'm making much sense, but apparently I feel so strongly about this that I need to make a Tumblr post in an otherwise empty account. Go me.

PS: I liked Megan Whalen Turner's Queen's Thief series as well, though the first book is, uh, somewhat disappointing? I don't know if I had too high expectations or what. I loved the later books, though. For some reason, I still haven't read the last book in the series. I suppose I should remedy that.

[cross-my-heartt]

Some thoughts on the first book in the Thrawn trilogy.

They're a bit messy because I'm going off of memory as I didn't take notes at the time but oh well.

[MAJOR SPOILERS FROM HERE ON, BEWARE!]

I'm gonna start by saying that I didn't expect the adventures of space Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson but I'm definitely not complaining. It's a tried and true formula and Nightswan as their Moriarty worked well while it lasted.

Also you know a book and its characters are good when it gets you to cheer for the 'bad guys'. And I'm only putting that in quotes because you get a genuine sense that despite the corruption and bias galore, a large part of the personnel are just regular people working a job and trying to go about their lives.

Arihnda's arc was really well done - you sympathize with her while she's an underdog, getting betrayed, manipulated and used by others. She's wily and ambitious and resilient and you're like yas, queen slay. But the more she plays the game the more you see her crossing lines until the final arc where you realize just how ruthless she's become, or maybe always was, and you get that sense of 'oh shit'. (Keep in mind I haven't watched rebels so I didn't know where she would end up.)

It's the same sense you get when you reach the Wookie slaves arc and it sinks in that the quirky duo you've been following are in fact working for the most evil person in the galaxy.

As for Thrawn himself, I didn't expect to enjoy him this much. His final conversation with Nightswan in particular - I always felt like there was something off about his motivations and his apparent ignorance in politics. That scene confirmed that he's even cleverer and craftier than he lets on and put that dissonance to rest.

He's persuasive to the point where you almost wish things would go his way too. I love how it's a running theme throughout the book for people to be frustrated by how much sense he makes and you even sympathize with that as a reader sometimes.

I'm really happy with the parallels the author makes throughout, something I'm seeing in Alliances as well. There's Thrawn and his art and Eli and his numbers, Thrawn's 'bigger picture' logic and Nightswan's principles. Characters really shine when they have a good foil in the story.

And finally Eli. Another character I didn't expect to like so much. Such a genuine plucky guy. It was fun to see him go from being ambiguous about Thrawn to constantly being shocked at how much he trusts him. And being so protective of him, bless.

I'm glad he got his own arc, going from someone who's charted out his whole future and desperately wants to stick to what's familiar to being willing to leave all of that behind and jump into the unknown by joining the Chiss (which was foreshadowed in Thrawn's conversation with Nightswan but still made me a bit sad).

Of course, I do have some complaints, the biggest one being the dialogue and how clunky and awkward it feels at times. Which is especially obvious when you have these supposed cunning politicians throwing the simplest most blunt threats at each other with no subtlety whatsoever.

The book's exposition also suffered because of it. I daresay that has improved in book two but that may just be because there's less politician talk and it's a mostly military setting.

Finally a lot of Thrawn's conclusions feel like a huge reach but I'm willing to let that one slide. Say we assume he knows more than he lets on to the readers.

But all things considered, those are minor complaints and I really enjoyed the book. Can definitely say I'm tempted to see all four seasons of Rebels just to get more of Thrawn.

[ooops-i-arted]

idk if this is an unwelcome rant or anything but I saw your anti ahs0ka posts from july and I’m just….so frustrated. I don’t want to sound like a dudebro but as someone whose favorite SW character is Luke I just can’t stand Star Wars anymore. I personally didn’t like him in tlj, but I could accept it—but then they just sort of kept chipping at him through every new piece of media. He’s strange in mando/tbobf, no one will join his temple despite apparently all of these older force sensitives surviving rotj, even obi-wan is retconned to know leia more. now this shit w this show, where #she is the self-insert in thrawn stuff. also you don’t even have to be FS anymore, etc etc. the “important Jedi lineage” is now obi-wan-anakin-ahs0ka, bc who even cares about luke amirite. it just sucks because I did genuinely used to like her, but with every new thing it could not be more clear that narratively she should have died bc now the whole gffa’s story is hers

I'd love to say I'm above petty rant but I am SO not, your rant is most welcome. If you don't have anything nice to say about Ahsoka, come sit by me. 😉 (Honestly I'm just happy to see other people acknowledging what a poorly written character she is when I've been saying this since the Rebels season 2 finale. I definitely felt like the only one back then.)

More seriously.... yeah, I do get the feeling of everything you loved about Star Wars being chipped away. I hope those who do enjoy it have fun and all, I don't begrudge anyone that, but I can't lie, I do kinda feel the same way. Like it's all being rewritten Filoni-style. And George Lucas he is not, no matter how much he thinks he is. Also I don't presume to know Timothy Zahn's feelings but I still think it's shitty and disrespectful as hell to carve a big hole out of the wonderful, iconic Thrawn trilogy and plop Ahsoka in. It's becoming REAL obvious that Filoni isn't the creative genius he's hailed as, he strip mines Legends for ideas and then gets the credit.

At this point I almost rather they leave Luke alone. Han is my BOY and they already did him so dirty (left Leia, returned to smuggling invalidating all his character development in the OT, gets a crappy death from his shitty incel son - I did like Solo but it was too little to late) so I 100% get your feelings there. It's like Disney doesn't even care how important these characters are so many people in their rush to replace them with their new, safely copyrighted and controlled characters. And ofc Filoni props his TCW OCs over all. Just look at how Mando S3 had Din and Grogu's story trashed so Girlboss Barbie Bo could feature instead. I'm not sure why they're so resistant to paying writers, they clearly need some new ones.

[knickynoo]

I'm growing disillusioned with the BTTF fandom because of the growing amount of M*mmett shippers. I'm sick of the Jennifer and Clara slander with them, I'm sick of them trying to justify this ship even though MARTY'S A CHILD, and I'm sick of how OOC they're making Marty and Doc. This is the reason why I'm sick of hearing theories about how Doc was SAing Marty, because A. it's just feeding into that theory, and B. If that theory continues to grow, it's going to discredit the whole trilogy.

I understand your frustration, and I feel it a lot myself when navigating the fandom. It does feel like the Mammett shippers are much more active and vocal lately, which is as exhausting as it is disturbing. Trying to find fanfics is an especially risky endeavor.

I'll insert a read-more because I'm going to speak honestly here, and this can be a triggering topic for some.

I've been pretty vocal about the fact I don't tolerate those shippers, and I try my best to not knowingly interact with them. I just can't wrap my mind around the whole thing--the way they're so set on trying to justify it, even though there IS no justifying it. One of the main defenses is the "Marty is almost EIGHTEEN" nonsense. Get out of here with that. First of all, he met Doc when he was 13-years-old, so I'm gonna go ahead and assume their "headcanons" involve Doc basically grooming Marty from that age. And even if Marty *was* 18, it makes literally no difference. 18 may be legally an adult, but mentally, that's still very much a kid. The human brain doesn't fully develop until mid to late twenties (and into early 30s, according to current studies!) There is just no way to make it okay.

Like. Good job, they turned Doc into a predator.

And I don't care that it's fiction. There are many dark and twisted aspects of fiction people can safely enjoy without condoning the things in real life, but I draw the line at things like this. People being so obsessed and clinging so tightly to a pedophilic relationship disturbs me to my very core, and it does nothing but put up red flags.

(I also think a part of this whole issue in fandom is connected to what I've mentioned in the past: people being bizarrely unable to process platonic love, especially when it's between two guys. Everything has to be turned into romance for some reason. No. Let people have deep friendships and show love to each other without making it weird. Let two guys hug and be affectionate and emotionally close without being that person who goes: "There's literally no other explanation for this aside from them being romantically in love." Stop, stop, stopstopstopppp. Platonic love is SO IMPORTANT.)

I'm so weary of it. I'll also probably lose followers for this (I lost several with my initial anti-mammett post) and I don't care.

Just know that there are many in the fandom who don't participate in this ship and, in fact, actively fight against it.

[jordanshenessy]

I got Dream Thieves sooner than I expected! It's good to get back into the groove of the series.

I definitely missed Ronan and all the moments where it's revealed how sweet he is and how he comes off as mean or rude because he is protective of the people he loves. I particularly appreciate his relationship with Matthew (such a golden retriever, the sweet boy!!!). I almost wonder if his rough exterior is perpetuated by the way people treat him- like even the way Calla calls him "Snake", surely that must continue a cycle where he feels the need to outwardly be a "bad boy".

Golly gee, I forgot everything Blue goes through in this book- kissing Noah, breaking up with Adam, her night car ride with Gansey. This girl sure has the romantic drama!

It does make me sad, though, how Noah kinda loses his importaces after the first book? Like, ofc he's still there and the catalyst of it all, but... he's a fading boy.

Also, I know the whole point of Adam's story is that he's changing because of Cabeswater and the power/influence waking the ley line gives him. (Maybe even the confidence to pave his own way in life!) but the line about him and Gansey being on perpendicular paths, not parallel ones, actually hit so hard. Like yeah... sometimes life's that way, and it really does suck, and you just have to keep on living it, even if your best friend has to follow a different route.

(I forgot Kavinsky died, but whoooooops. I also kinda love and hate his role, like ik he kinda has to be there for Ronan's Adam awakening, but also... I feel like he really pulls Ronan into his toxic circle before he goes out.)

Anywayyyy

Thanks for listening to my ramble. I'm taking a book break before Blue Lily, Lily Blue, but I will be back!

Take care ♡

Hiii! Ronan 😔✋ he was going through it in this book and I also think it’s bc he’s just always feeling like he’s so other and doesn’t fit into this world bc of his dreaming and everything (especially given greywaren) So yeah Ronan goes through life with a hard exterior bc I think after his father’s death, he has the stress of making sure he doesn’t become a cause of another one. He’s had to learn to keep his distance and try not to care but he cares so much and it fucks him up inside. Also the tension between him and Declan and how Matthew ironically tethers him in this world bc Ronan loves him so much and after Declan’s pov in the dreamer trilogy the lynch brothers will forever have changed me.

Kavinsky ma boi! (I actually also hated him when I was first reading lmao)

Omg blue was also going through it in this book 😭 and also when I first read it I was so annoyed that Adam just kept wanting to kiss blue and wasn’t taking the no (like being all pissy and sad) cuz I was like she shouldn’t. have. to give. you. a reason! But then I was also like Adam just wants to be loved and to be wanted and blue DID want to kiss him but she didn’t want to risk it cuz like imagine you kiss a dude bc you think ur not soulmates and then u end up killing him anyway OOF so their breakup was so angsty but much needed cuz they just were not ready for each other (Adam bc he was just getting frustrated blue was keeping something from him and Blue bc she wasn’t ready to tell him about the curse)

And so! When blue and Noah kissed I was like this is so fucked up just let them all kiss each other 😭

I will also always be so bittersweet about Noah bc from a storytelling perspective yes him fading away and being forgotten is important but also…noah come back 😭

Adam and gansey will always take my organs and mix them all up in my insides like a salad

They are so alike. They are so different. They want to be each other. They want each other. They want they want they want.

“I wish you could be kissed, Jane,” he said. “Because I would beg just one off you. Under all this.”

Cannot wait for when you reread blue lily lily blue have a nice break mwuah mwuah 💕