#this took way too long to make and i still had to include less images than i woulf have likes because of tumblr's stupid image limit

[darkcandy-starfait]

Theory: Ralsei is a Titan (or at least a Neo darkner)

Hey so. this theory and analysis has been long over due, I'm so sorry but I kept forgetting and getting sidetracked with school work.

Okay so many people have noticed how weird Ralsei is, he's honestly a whole can of worms on his own without considering every theory being made about him.

But I have had this particular theory in my for like almost a whole fucking year, so let me propose a weirder one: Ralsei is a titan.

What do I mean by that? Honestly, I kind of only half way know what that means, since this is more of crack theory but here are my points

We all know that Ralsei looks different between the first two chapters. But a few people have pointed out that Ralsei's transformation from chapter 1 to chapter 2 is rather strange, as the two look very different. Toby has said that Ralsei looking different was a recent choice made during development.

He first starts out as this black, fluffy figure in a ratty looking robe, with his hands mostly obscured, and a hat. but after he takes off the hat, he suddenly looks very different: white fur, and more boss monster like. in chapter 2 we see his robes are neater looking and his arms are visible with black sleeves.

I find this bizarre, because it's such a drastic change. Looking at his two forms side by side, it almost looks like two different characters. Like, taking off a hat should not change your form like that, even if it might be dark world logic.

Ralsei is also shown to disappear when he's downed in battles. Susie, Kris and Noelle all have sprites of them kneeling or collapsed on the ground when their hp reaches 0. But ralsei just... turns into a pile of his clothes, in both forms. Almost like he's made of nothing??

Ralsei also seems seems just show up in dark worlds without Kris or Susie bringing him there in his supposed object form. Other darkners like Rouxls and Lancer are physical objects (both of them are playing cards), and need to be carried in Kris' pocket to the Cyber World. Kris has to physically take all the objects from rooms and bring them back to the supply closet.

Since we still only have two chapters at the moment, what object Ralsei actually is in the light world is currently a mystery. Some say he could Kris' red horned headband (personal favourite of mine), or even the missing green crayon in the Dreemurr house.

I even theorised that he might be Kris' mysterious knife they always seem to have on them, which is why he's always in the dark world shortly after Kris and Susie arrive there. But we never see Kris' knife in their inventory anywhere, unless Kris is just. materialising the knife out of thin air???

This still doesn't change to fact that Ralsei, if he did have an light world object equivalent, would have to be carried around like every other darkner in order to travel to other dark worlds. But he doesn't. He just... shows up in Cyber World to help Susie and Kris without any explanation other than "I felt a dark presence."

Most interestingly, he later explains that darkners who don't belong in other dark worlds will turn to stone. All the Card Castle characters in the Cyber World turn to stone in chapter 2, but Ralsei doesn't. He does say that Castle Town's fountain is made of pure darkness, so that's why all darkners can live there.

Ralsei being Castle Town's ruler helps him in this case, and the fact that a piece of text in Toby's concepts for Ralsei's manual says that Ralsei's form is made from Castle Town's fountain. Makes sense that a being made from pure darkness would be able to live in every dark world. But here's another question I have.

WHY is Castle Town's fountain made of pure darkness? How did it get this way? Is it because the fountain has maybe been around longer, while others like Card Kingdom and Cyber World were created only recently? What makes a fountain pure darkness?

Well here we bring up some interesting lore from Queen in chapter 2. Queen says that she needs a lightner to help spread more darkness, by literally opening a dark fountain inside a dark world. In the Giga Queen fight, she calls it a Neo Fountain.

Berdly almost makes this a reality, only to be stopped by Ralsei, who suddenly drops the lore about the Roaring.

The Roaring is a prophecy of a sort of apocalyptic event, where opening more dark fountains and fountains within fountains could cause mass destruction. Giant beings known as Titans will form from all the fountains, and will cover the world in darkness, turning darkners to stone and leaving humans to fend for themselves.

Ralsei speaks of this like its either a prophecy that was passed down to him, or something he even witnessed first hand. Maybe that's why he has no subjects in Castle Town. But I want to go back to everything I've said here about Ralsei, the most important ones bolded.

• is able to change forms by the drop of a hat (haha)

• is supposedly made of pure darkness like Castle Town's fountain

• fades into nothing when he's downed in battles

• can travel between dark worlds without being brought physically in the light world

• doesn't turn to stone when in other dark worlds while many other darkners do

• knows about a catastrophic event where more fountains are made and giant beasts made from darkness ravage the land

That last part. When I remembered that Ralsei said that the titans are formed from dark fountains, and that Ralsei is a darkner of pure darkness... well that got me thinking: What if Ralsei is a young titan? His first form in chapter 1 could be closer to his true titan form, and he might be taking a new form in chapter 2 to appeal more to lightners.

(Side note Ralsei taking the form of a boss monster, the species that Kris' family is, is another can of worms I have to save when I talk about their connections.)

What if Ralsei is a product of a Neo fountain being created? What if he's the last remnant of a time when there were more fountains, when the sky was black with terror, and the land cracked with fear.

Like, NEO fountains are even talked about more in the Spamton Sweepstakes. When you play this puzzle on the website, and click the 3rd option on the bottom row, you are brought to a sprite of a chair.

We all know the chair, but the phrase in the window of this page definitely seems seems be hinting at the creation of Neo fountains.

What if that's Ralsei's deal. Even if he isn't a titan, what if he's some kind of Neo darkner? What if he's more darkner than darkners in general?

_

Honestly I'm fully prepared for this theory to be steam rolled over when the next two chapters drop, but it was fun and interesting to write nontheless! I'm interested to see if anyone else has their own theory about this or if you even had the same thoughts?

[eternal-kosmo-ghoul]

*°:⋆ₓₒ day 19. sexting

.｡❅*⋆⍋*∞*｡ “miss me on holiday season”

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ — ❤︎ aether is away for the festive spirits, that doesn’t stop you from missing him though

pairing: aether ghoul x gn!ghoul!reader

a/n: aether supremacy 🙏🙏

cw: nsfw content. sexting. stripping. masturbation (video sent). kinda friends with benefits thing (?).

▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄

“i’m this close to driving all the way back to the ministry for you.” —❤︎

┅✦┅

the ministry felt a lot more stale today.

one of your fellow ghouls, aether, was gone for the month of december. why? he had some important business going on with another band, and so he went off with them to celebrate. of course, the papa and ghouls were supportive of this decision, including you.

but things felt a lot more boring without the spunky quintessence ghoul. he was your right hand man, partner in crime even. it was a little weird not being in the same room as him.

sighing heavily to yourself, you wallowed in your own boredom while staring up at your bedroom ceiling. nothing to do today, how fun. normally, this would’ve been one of those moments where you and aether had messed around with your usual ghoulish shenanigans, pulling pranks on your pack mates or even the siblings of sin.

“satanas above, i can’t stand this.” you whined, turning to your side, you went to grab your phone off the nightstand, and began texting your best friend, tail swishing with anticipation.

y/n: heyyyyy i’m bored !!! pick up the phone !!

not even less than a minute later, your phone buzzed with a notification, and you flashed a toothy grin, knowing exactly who had texted you.

aether: awww, missed me that much?? :)))

y/n: maaaayyybeee

aether: good. i missed you too, cutie

you could practically hear aether’s laugh from the other side of your phone, and the very thought made you giggle. it was nice to know that aether really valued your guy’s relationship as friends.

the two of you continued to chat about nothing specific in particular, mostly about what you planned on doing over the winter season, and plans with potential friends and family. aether seemed to be having a lot of fun with his other band, and you were happy for him. hearing him talk so passionately about music made your ghoulish heart swell from sweetness.

it was nice. really nice.

though, it was still rather stale without your friend around. you really wanted to show aether how much you missed him.

and what better way to do that than to… mess with him a bit.

smirking as you typed a response to one of aether’s texts, you used this time to take a picture of yourself. there was a twist however, you took the picture without your shirt on. the position you were in looked comfy, and your expression was relaxed, but there was that infamous glint in your eyes that showed you knew what you were doing. this would surely screw with aether’s head, and you couldn’t wait to see the reaction.

sending the picture, your claws clacked against your screen as you laid on your stomach comfortably, grinning evilly while your tail wagged. oh aether was gonna like that picture alright.

not long later, a ring on your phone, and you opened the message.

aether: are you trying to fuck with me?

you smirked.

y/n: now what are you talking about?

aether rolled his eyes as he looked at your message. you were such a minx, just messing with his mind like that, and you knew full well that he couldn’t get to you at the very moment.

he had to make you pay for that.

aether: oh you’re so paying for that.

soon after, aether sent an image of him without his shirt on. this time, his expression was more flirty than yours, and his pose was more suggestive too. you almost did a spit take, chuckling at aether’s counter to your image.

y/n: oh so we’re really doing this now?

aether: you bet your ass we are.

aether: you started it after all, cutie ;))

you smirked again, your grin showcasing a more naughty side to you.

y/n: game on then.

the back and forth continued between you and your friend for a while, with the picture being sent getting more and more provocative as you continued on. one by one, articles of clothing came off. you guys started with discarding shirts, but then it went to removing jackets, then pants, and soon it would be underwear.

aether was not only good at sending sexy pictures of himself, oh no, he was an artist with his words too. that’s why he was such a good musician too, he just knew what to tell you. he was talking about all of the dirty things he wanted to do to you, attaching equally suggestive pictures to each caption.

aether: oh you look so damn good like that, makes me wanna fuck you up

aether: you mind spreading your legs a bit more in that one? i wanna see the full view ;)

aether: fuck. do that again for me, sweet thing.

aether: i’m this close to driving all the way back to the ministry for you.

what a dreamboat he was. it was rather fun and exciting to be able to do this kind of stuff with your best friend, even if the activities weren’t very best friend-y.

you smirked and responded to another one of aether’s suggestive little quips.

y/n: if you want me so bad then come over here alreadyyy

aether: hmm… you’re gonna have to convince me, cutie.

oh you were going to convince him alright.

you were already stripped bare of all of your clothes, but you haven’t sent a picture of you completely nude. no, you were going to do something even better. using a few pillows to create a makeshift camera stand, you propped your phone up on top of it and gently laid yourself in front of the camera.

damn, you looked hella good.

grinning to yourself, you used your tail to press the record button on your camera. smirking, and laying yourself against the sheets while spreading your legs, your fingers gently stroked over your aching sex, and in the most desperate, dramatic voice possible, you begged.

“oh aether.. aether baby.. please come back. i’ve been so lonely this christmas without you. please.. please i need you… i need you and your cock inside of me already… please.”

you made sure to sound as needy and whiny as possible while you played with yourself. that would have certainly gotten his rocks off on the spot, you just knew how to push aether’s buttons.

sending the video without second thought, it took aether a while to respond. he must’ve taken forever to process what he just saw.

but the response was worth it.

aether: fuck you, you tease.

aether: i’m coming over right now. you’ve created a massive problem in my pants that you need to fix.

you smiled to yourself, knowing damn well you’ve already won this game.

y/n: i’ll be waiting~

▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄

[mxjackparker]

With all the propaganda and rhetoric against top surgery that "Gender Criticals" and general transphobes are spreading, here's some info on what top surgery was actually like for me, from surgery all through the healing process! (This post will include some images of drains and a little blood!)

I was diagnosed with gender dysphoria (which is necessary in the UK for surgery) around May 2020 and started testosterone February 2021, all through GenderCare. I got a letter from the gender therapist and a surgery referral from GenderGP and consulted with my surgeon then booked surgery for 14th Feb 2022.

I had to travel all the way to Manchester, on a coach that took many hours, and book a hotel. I raised surgery money via GoFundMe because despite being referred to (now closing) Tavistock GIC in early 2020, my appointment to even be assessed wouldn't have been for over 5 years.

I had a double incision top surgery (double mastectomy) on February 14th 2022 as scheduled! I woke up in a fairly minor amount of pain, still on painkillers from the surgery, with drains. As you can see, I was also so happy that probably made it hurt less!

My top surgery took a few hours. Pre-surgery, my chest size was a 32 H. That's a lot of tissue to be removing, and so I did end up with drains for the first 48 hours after surgery, though drains aren't used as broadly in the UK anymore and not by default.

I was discharged from the hospital the morning after my surgery (some people go home the day of, but I pre-arranged to stay overnight). I took no painkillers after surgery at any point during healing. I was up and walking around from the moment I left!

If you take painkillers, that may make you more fatigued and/or constipated, so those things are totally normal. If you need painkillers, you should absolutely take them - it's not a point of pride to suffer more than you need to. I didn't take any painkillers because I have a history of addiction to them. However, I found the pain entirely tolerable even despite the lack of medication.

The evening after I was released from the hospital, I was pacing my hotel room carrying my drains! Moving promotes healing and prevents blood clots. I was very hunched!

Directly after surgery I got to briefly see my chest, but not for long given that I needed to have the compression vest on! I didn't have too much swelling, so I could see what my chest actually looked like and was so excited. Once I got my drains out, I got to see it for longer!

The pain post-surgery was manageable. I had to bend forwards a little when walking so as not to pull on my stitches and make it hurt more, but I never took any painkillers and the pain was never intense enough to make me feel compelled to. I kept wearing my compression vest!

The drains were honestly the most painful part of the experience for me, and once they were out the most pain I felt was from my back from walking hunched forward. I wore the compression vest on and off for 2 weeks then abandoned it completely, because I had such little swelling.

3 weeks after surgery, I got my dressings off (except nipples). I could see the full scar. I told my surgeon I wanted scars that were mostly straight, and that combined with the size of my chest meant the scars needed to meet in the middle in a little triangle.

Everyone's scar shape is different, and you should talk to your surgeon about what you want. I didn't want semi-circle shape scars, because I wanted the scar to follow my pectorals so I'd have the option in the long-term of fading/medical tattooing and mostly hiding the scar.

3 weeks after top surgery, I was well-healed enough that I went into London for the Sex Work Strike and did a speech there! I was well-recovered by this point, though still fatigued. (A link to my speech if you're interested.)

Around a month, I took off the nipple dressing as instructed by my post-op nurse, and one was healed enough for no dressing but the other took about another week to be as healed. Healing isn't perfectly symmetrical.

Once all of my dressings were off and I was able to probably clean my nipples and scars, I got to see the full result of my chest. This is the thinnest my scars ever were, because they hadn't developed as scars yet - they were healed shut but weren't done scarring.

Once I was past a month of healing, all of the physical effects of top surgery had dissipated. I was no longer fatigued, my scars didn't hurt (though they did itch!), and I was in the secondary healing phase. My chest below the top of the nipple had minimal sensation.

I got phantom sensations, like water being poured over my chest, as the nerves reconnected. It wasn't painful, but it was weird! By month 2, I regained full sensation in most of my chest, with very little sensation on the scar and the skin directly between it and my nipples.

I have pretty much full sensation (including erotic sensation) in my nipples now. It's important to note: double incision almost always results in some loss of sensation, especially in the nipples. I'd have been fine with that, and this was an extra bonus for me!

This is my chest and scars 8 months after surgery.

And this is my chest now, just over 2 years after top surgery:

I'm very happy with how it looks, with how it feels, and I have zero regrets!

[batsplat]

Thank you so much for ur work for this community 😭

thank you!! so, listen, I need to get some casey, jorge and valentino images out into the world

this is from the 2007 qatar post-qualifying press conference. obviously it's not just the three of them given colin edwards is like. right in the middle. (and *checks notes* gábor talmácsi is also there.) but still a photo of historical significance... casey's first ever race with the ducati (which he very much wins), plus valentino with his then-current teammate edwards and then-future teammate jorge... it's a bit unclear when jorge was actually signed - lin jarvis implies it was in 2006 but if that's the case, edwards seemed to be under the impression for a little too long that he wasn't going to lose that seat. anyways! look at wee nineteen year old jorge lorenzo, look at his utter absence of anything approaching a smile... look at him

misano 2007 post-qualifying press conference and a very powerful photo imo... some nicely contrasting vibes here, good composition... jorge had already been announced as valentino's teammate, and the title is already more or less in casey's pocket (even more so after casey won here and valentino had a mechanical dnf lol - they'd basically brought the race back to the calendar for valentino so this was. not ideal! incidentally still the last race with an entirely non-european podium.)

not much from 2008 tbh. casey and vale took turns to flop in the first bit of the season and then jorge started crashing his brains out. anyway these are from indianapolis, at a time when jorge was just about in the process of getting his act together while casey had crashed in his last three races (including laguna where he picks up the bike to finish p2). quite fond of this race actually, bit of a mess due to the weather and ends up getting red-flagged

first race of 2009.... casey's scheduled annual qatar win. decent shout for his most boring one of the lot, sorry king

pre-event presser before mugello, where valentino had won seven consecutive times headed into the 2009 race. if I'm valentino I low-key never show my face again after the le mans catastrophe but whatever it's fine

the le mans fiasco in question

anyway mugello is another wet-ish race that valentino ended up playing too conservatively because of the le mans horror show. so casey wins! also jorge beats valentino! old man's washed! just about scams his way onto the podium

italian press weren't particularly kind to valentino for having the audacity to lose mugello. they said it was over... he was finished... imagine only winning a race seven times in a row. was he even trying any more? loser

valentino bounced back at catalunya 2009 in highly dramatic fashion (y'know, it's the one with the last corner overtake). moment of deep historical significance in which jorge pulls valentino down from the podium to give him a hug

first race where casey was really struggling with his mystery illness... idk if I were valentino or jorge I'd maybe check if the third guy on the podium isn't about to drop dead but. well. professional athletes, never really been known for their empathy. they did clap along with the journalists in the post-race press conference when the moderator thanked casey for actually making it to the presser, so that's something?

we all have our struggles

the very next race. immaculate vibes imo. the 2009 title fight going into assen had all three of them tied on 106 points... #heritage

anyway the race itself is pretty boring (as unfortunately are many of the races that year), but it's valentino's 100th win so good on him ig. he got out a special banner with photos of all his wins, which would've been an absolute pain to lug around if he'd not immediately won the next race after his 99th

cute. unfortunately, this is now very much mystery illness period for casey... heroic effort to get himself to the podium but not much more was possible at the time

laguna 2009 post-quali presser. jorge is sitting for the photo, because even though he'd bagged pole, he had a massive highside right at the end of qualifying... hurt both his ankles and his shoulder. he'd also had a horrendous highside right at the start of laguna '08, did a good job to banish his gremlins in order to win at the circuit in 2010

qatar 2010... can't have been after the race because casey crashed :/ valentino grabbed the win, before immediately injuring his shoulder in a motocross accident. all went downhill from there, really. damn the eruption of eyjafjallajökull we were robbed

laguna 2010 podium, most memorable as 'that time when they accidentally played the italian anthem rather than the spanish one and valentino thinks it's extremely funny' (clip here). extremely poor quality photo shows casey found it funny too. very #them thing to happen to them. valentino buddy the cap's supposed to remain off for the duration of the anthem

this is very much post-leg break btw, still pretty cordial with each other given some of the stuff they'd been saying about each other to the press during that period lol (not casey/jorge, they were basically fine by this point)

presser right after jorge and valentino's little motegi misadventure... gifs from the presser. valentino's smirk vs casey's grin while jorge is being interrogated, I think about you often...

this was casey's fourth consecutive phillip island win (of six total)... isn't that just like. an incredibly cool circuit to be goated at. does mean the fight for the victory was generally quite boring - though the battles behind casey weren't always exactly thrilling either, so you can blame that on the era too. 2008 and 2010 has decent action behind casey, 2009 is the closest casey was pushed for the win and 2011 at least has a bit of weather-related jeopardy

valencia 2010, photos taken before unfortunate events

last shared podium!! le mans 2012, a fun wet race that featured the final proper casey/vale duel at the race after casey's retirement announcement so has real sentimental value... congrats to valentino for not collecting casey this time. presser clip where he shows he's also pretty glad about how he (just about) managed this

[colleendoran]

OK, so you are looking at a comic I did back in 1990 that changed my life in so many ways. Not the way you’re thinking of.

It taught me some very important lessons about the comics business, fame, and more importantly, how fame doesn’t rub off. And how having reasonable expectations will keep you centered and on the right path.

Many people don’t internalize this lesson. And now that our industry is no longer just Fandom Culture but is now Celebrity Culture, we see more and more creators with incredibly unrealistic expectations getting into comics, expecting the sun and moon to rise out of whatever they do, and being disappointed and frustrated when they don't.

I got occasional mainstream comics work in the early 1980’s, but I was still looking for my big break years later, especially since a major gig I was working on got shelved forever. I cannot even begin to tell you just how much being out of the eyes of the market for YEARS at a time while you work on a gig - and then the gig never coming out - can absolutely sink your brand.

Nowadays we have social media. Back then, you had no way to be seen if your work wasn’t being published. People forgot about you in about 15 minutes.

So when I got a gig working on Amazing Spider-Man, you bet I was thrilled. And even more thrilled when the darned thing sold like crazy. This issue of Amazing Spider-Man outsold previous Todd MacFarlane issues. And I knew Marvel was looking for a new artist. Huzzah! I outsold Todd! Maybe the new artist should be me!

You can imagine how pleased and excited I was to go to conventions and sign copies of a book that hundreds of thousands of fans bought. It was fun getting my first big lines of fans. I thought it would be a perfect opportunity to push my other works to them as well.

But few Spider-Man fans were interested in my other books. They could not possibly care less about Amethyst: Princess of Gemworld, that’s for sure.

The Spider-Man glow was gone in no time. And Marvel picked Erik Larsen to be the regular artist.

I might as well have never worked on Spider-Man for all the long term good it did. Were it not for that one brief shining moment of royalty check (which was darned good,) it had no effect on my prospects.

While I got more work at Marvel, I was scrambling to make a living and took on too much, doing sub-par art that didn’t please anyone.

I realized pretty quickly that Spider-Man’s fans weren’t my fans. I might as well have been a spark plug on that issue. Fans lined up, got me to sign a book, and forgot about me the next day. 

(Yeah I know some people say they love that comic, but I often hear from people who tell me how much they hated my art back then and how much they grew to love it later. Thank you, I’ll take it.)

Anyway, it was all a very tough lesson. But I appreciate that I learned it early before I got to the point where I could never learn it.

Fame isn’t transitive. It doesn’t rub off.

The public needs more than your proximity to something they know to transfer their attention to you and your work.

A lot of people got a taste of this in the early 1990’s. For a while, self-publishing was The Big Thing. I self published A Distant Soil and did well for some years, at one point making more than I could in mainstream comics, until the market crashed in 1996. A lot of creators thought if they just went to Image Comics, they’d all be millionaires.

That didn’t happen for almost all of them.

An old frenemy saw how well I was doing self publishing and assumed that if they just transferred their mainstream comics fan base to their creator owned work, they’d get rich.

But that didn’t happen. Their self-published work sold a fraction of what mine did. Their project died in the red. I never got my art back, including work from an unpublished future issue of the project. I remember being with this creator at a show and enduring their fury at how fans weren’t paying attention to them and their project. 

How could this happen? They were a star mainstream creator!

The mainstream cred did not transfer to the other work. The fans wanted the famous characters, not the indie project they were trying to push.

There was no point in explaining this either. I’d learned this lesson myself, but this person never learned it.

Most people never learn it.

How is it that I work on Famous This or with Famous Person and why am I not famous Too?

Because fame isn’t transitive.

I’ve worked on projects that got a lot (and I mean a lot) of buzz, but there are projects that didn’t necessarily set the world on fire that did more for me as an artist and for my finances than “big” projects did. 

Reign of the Zodiac and The Book of Lost Souls, both early/mid 2000’s comics with mediocre sales set me on a solid financial footing because they are two of the few regular monthly gigs I’ve done in all my years working in comics. That monthly paycheck paid more than the projects I’d done before them. The financial and emotional stability was beyond price. I loved everything about those projects. 

Except for their premature demise.

The one and only famous project that had a major transformative afterglow effect re: me and my work was Sandman. I met Neil Gaiman years before I worked on Sandman, before he was famous. I only worked on two issues. Many other artists were far more important to the project than me, of course. Then I went for nearly twenty years solid without working with Neil at all except on a pinup and short story adaptation of Troll Bridge that almost no one remembers. 

I started working with Neil again when he saw some art I did for a book for Tori Amos back in 2008. Tori Amos fans didn’t flock to my side when they saw it, yet another example of how Famous People Fame Doesn’t Rub Off. But I lavished time and attention on the project, did the art on spec with a completely new style and process, and showed it to Neil. I asked Neil if he’d take a chance at working with me again after lo, these many years and let me have a go again at adapting the story Troll Bridge that I’d botched in 1998. Neil said yes.

After The Book of Lost Souls got killed back in 2006, I could barely get arrested in comics and I wasn’t sure I had a future. I was shocked that Neil said yes. 

That Tori Amos job reestablished my working relationship with Neil and brought me to Dark Horse Comics, a publisher which had shown little prior interest in my stuff.

It took me years to complete Troll Bridge and during that time, Peter David contacted me to ask if I’d work on Stan Lee’s autobiography. That came out of the blue, and boy did I appreciate it. It sold like crazy, which was unexpected, really.

So I went from Not Being Able to Get Arrested in Comics in 2008, doing 1$ sketch cards and working for page rates I worked for in 1986, to Not Being Able to Remember What I am Doing Because I have Too Much To Do in 2022. I mean literally couldn’t remember I did a pinup for a gig back in February, and I not only forgot about it, I didn’t know it was published last June.

It looks like I had a super fast and fun run up if you’re just looking at my highlight reel. But it wasn’t. I’ve had peaks and valleys, (a few very fine peaks, the best being around 1993 and the other now), and sometimes the “big time” projects I thought would make my career held me back worse than the “small time” ones. “Big time” projects got shelved or came and went, quickly forgotten, and I said no to other projects while I was busy, and the one that got away ended up getting made into a multi-million dollar film franchise that would have set me up for life.

Ow.

If just being next to a famous person or working on a famous project was a guarantor of success, than I’d have been hugely successful every day of my adult life. 

That is not how it works.

Even the famous people are not as all that as you think, otherwise you wouldn’t see so many actors with haunted looks on their faces at conventions.

I met Neil before he was famous, but it took over thirty years for me to establish a solid working relationship with him.

Thirty. 

Years.

I’ve worked with famous wrestlers, actors, musicians, politicians, a Pulitzer Prize winning author, and on almost every single major licensed character there is. And I’m not super-famous or rich. I mean, I never wanted to be famous in the first place, but I’m not completely unknown in my field, and I’m not poor (anymore). Still, seriously, folks. I’m not going to movie premieres and living in Hollywood. 

I actually get asked about that, and I think it’s so funny.

I was watching some recent art auctions, and I was absolutely shocked to see original pages by an Eisner-nominated creator go for rock bottom prices, mainstream interiors at around $50 per page. I could not believe it. This artist is over 40 years old. I wonder if things will turn around for them.

Time will tell.

In the end, it’s not all about the people you’re standing next to. Or the character. Or the company. Or the award. And it's certainly not all about you.

Fans are here for you one minute, and forget about you tomorrow. Then you get $50 for your Eisner nominated art.

Art either takes off or it doesn’t. You either take off or you don’t. 

And then you can fly too close to the sun and fall.

Worse yet…you just fade and no one even notices that you crashed beautifully into the surf.

If people knew what the magic formula was, they’d be selling it and everyone would have what they want out of their art life.

But there is no magic formula. There just isn’t.

Everyone wants to be special to someone. Especially artists. Everything you create is special to you.

But it is extremely rare that what you create is as special to others as it is to you. Sometimes artists are just like everyone else. 

Here and gone.

Fame and success is not transitive. And they're not forever.

That’s the lesson.

I'm working on Good Omens right now. The Kickstarter pre-sign up news is here. No, it's not an icky newsletter, it will just let you know when the Kickstarter launches.

I have a Patreon. I'm funding the final volume of my space opera A DISTANT SOIL with it, but I won't be working on it again until Good Omens is complete. I have one of the most active and productive Patreons on the site.

I'm also on Twitter and Facebook and Instagram. Not too much though, they are distraction pits.

Make art because you love it. Because the rest...well, good luck. If it happens for you...it happens. And I hope it does.

[jymwahuwu]

So I came up with this conclusion after analyzing jingrenheng trio in your writing, which include unconventional darlings that might suit them.

Dan Feng: I honestly can see a scholar!darling suiting him. Historical-wise the women around Chinese emperors were more than pretty faces, they're smart because the selection requires virtue and knowledge of philosophies as well. So a scholar darling will be good for his image, and you're also less likely to be bullied by high-ranking vidyadharas because you're educated. It's also more likely that Dan Feng will listen to your input because of your education, but he's the one making the final decision duh.

Blade: I've seen Blade with darling who are on the victim side, like him kidnapping Dan Heng's darling and so on. But considering how he's a Stellaron Hunter I can see him with a darling who's powerful BUT is seen as a weapon by people. As in powerful enough to destroy but doesn't exactly rebel a lot; being used to be directed by powerful people. Maybe you're a powerful thing fully controlled by a planet's government that the Stellaron Hunters happened to have a mission on and Kafka offered for you to join the hunters because your powers are too good to waste.

Jingyuan: I've also seen Jingyuan with a darling who's more vulnerable than him, so how about a darling who's a financially powerful ally to him? Imagine that during a long expedition to defeat barbaric enemies that are a threat to the Luofu, one of the stops was this planet under the Luofu enemies' occupation; your planet. You, knowing how barbaric those enemies were and how the weaker cloud knights would definitely be brutally harmed took in a lot of members of the cloud knights inside your estate. That also included an injured Jingyuan. So this kind of darling has the upper hand because Jingyuan owed her the lives of the cloud knights, he can't just do as he likes.

never thought that someone would use the word "analysis" for my hsr stuff, thank you very much!! these are indeed the types of readers I have not considered👀

Dan Feng: If you were a scholar before you met him, Dan Feng would have heard about your reputation from people. Dancing on the path of "Erudition", you pursue knowledge and strategy. Maybe you’ve published some research?

Dan Feng is just traditional, which definitely does not mean that he cannot accept his spouse being smart and accomplished. He appreciates your wisdom and discusses history, culture, and Aeons with you. It's like discovering a treasure, he always finds surprises. In this case, Dan Feng respects your opinion and imagines how smart the dragon cub will be.

Blade: The companion type Darling is an equal to Blade. He is the type of person who respects his companions. Even in a state of mental breakdown, Blade could observe Kafka's sadness. From his first comment on Kafka, we can tell that Blade has a soft and gentle heart.

"Listen, Bladie, loosen up." "Listen, don't think about anything at all." He nodded. The woman walked to his side, smiling. Yet he thought her smile looked very sad. "Maybe someone left her before they could listen to everything she had to say," he thought.

But if you have been abused as a "weapon" before, Blade will treat you more gently and carefully. If those who have abused you are not on the script, Blade will support some… more extreme plans to destroy those people.

Jing Yuan: 😹Oh, you can see what a painful experience this is for Jing Yuan. He is grateful to you for saving those Cloud Knights and for being an ally. You are too sweet for him. General sometimes wanted to pull you into his lap, but those favors stopped him. He can't do this to you…at least not yet. That would be very ungrateful of him. He's pursuing you in a decent way - you might think it's still too pushy though.

[snek-panini]

Very belated Binderary books, uh...I've lost track actually. I think they are #6 and #7. And it's another two-volume split! This is (Slow) Burn, Baby, Burn by orchidlocked, an extremely long Good Omens fic set in the 1970s. It's about our favorite angel/demon pair navigating the disco scene, and it's not an AU, which is sort of usual in a fic this long and with such a specific premise. There are a fair few real people featured here, some as major characters, and a lot of music history and an excellent playlist alongside all the fun and angsty relationship stuff that so many of us are here for. I learned a lot about disco reading this fic and it was fascinating and also way more queer than I ever realized.

For the cover up there we have a white Allure book cloth on the spine, and white HTV over homemade book cloth for the main cover. The cloth pieces both come from the same sheet but I oriented the stripes this way so they'd be coordinated-but-not-matched and I really love the effect. They're also cotton and really nice to hold. It's funny, I was thinking of binding this fic when I found the fabric while digging through the Joann's remnant bin, and as soon as I saw it this fic not only came to mind but moved up to the top of the to-bind list. It was fate, clearly.

More photos under the cut!

Both spines and a top view. That's orange HTV for the titles. This it the first time I've worked with matte HTV (I usually use metallic or foil) and I was surprised at how much thinner it is, and how easy it was to stick. And I like the color inverse here in counterpoint to the front cover. The top view shows off the handmade endbands and bookmark, and also the rounding job. I'm still working on rounded spines, and the turn-in over the spine didn't come out as smooth as I'd have liked, but I think it's a good result. The ribbon bookmark was supposed to be blue to match the endbands, but every blue ribbon I could find clashed horribly with the cover so it's this nice leafy sage green. Which actually works really well with...

The endpapers! I got these as Joann's too. All four are cut from the same print, but I shifted and rotated them when I trimmed them so the patterns wouldn't all be in the same place. I had desperately wanted this other paper I found on Etsy with little vinyl records all over it, but the pieces weren't the right shape and I'd have had to ship them from overseas ($$), but I like the mood these ones set. And they're thick and nicely textured and look awesome with the cover, so really I think things worked out very well.

Couple of pics of the interior. I kept it fairly simple but I feel like it fits the story.

The scene break line is orange, to match the covers. I usually use gray but wanted something more fun. I recently bought some off-white paper that I used for most of my binderary projects this year because I've heard it's easier on the eyes, and it is, but I used the older bright white for this so the color contrast would be sharper. No complaints; I think it looks amazing. The second image above is the appendix I put together for the volume. Being so centered in the music industry, this fic has a really long playlist that the author put together with their preferred recordings. It's linked in the story and I did include the link text in the book, but I had my mind on preservation and the challenges of digital archiving while I was making this one, so I also took all the title/artist/album info and just listed it here. It was too much to do all by hand, so I learned how to export a Spotify playlist into an Excel doc, then moved that into the Word doc to print. A lot of steps, but not nearly as hard as I'd thought, and way less tedious.

I have to say this book is aesthetically really different than all my previous ones. I ran into so many design hurdles but I honestly couldn't be more pleased with the end result. I'll have to push my comfort zone like this more often, I guess.

[senkusphone]

@aresagainstthemachine asked so this one is for you. Video of it working at the end.

Here's the one project I am so proud of I named my entire blog after it.

Back in 2020, while I was stuck at home with few pleasant things to do, I decided to bring this contraption to life.

Only recently had I gotten into this inspiring series called Dr. Stone, and when I saw them make this device in the anime, I knew it was my divine calling to build it, for I had prior experience building circuits with vacuum tubes, an interest that was fostered greatly by my late grandfather when I was a boy. It had been because of the stories he'd tell me that I built my first crystal radio back then (which took me about 4 years of trial and error). Now, people had ''built'' the phone on youtube at least once before, but I was not satisfied with what they did, when they used parts that were too advanced and didn't even get it to transmit a voice, only to pick up radio stations. So I tried to go beyond while being as accurate as possible to the level of technology they had, I was seeking to achieve more with less

Making something that picks a radio signal is relatively easy, the challenge was making it also produce its own signal so it could truly be used as a phone (or more accurately, like a walkie talkie), and I restricted myself to use the most primitive tubes I had, the ones most similar to what old Kaseki would have made.

(Happy birthday to Kaseki by the way, February 9th) I started out using this beautiful Western Electric 262-A tube. This general purpose triode was developed around 1928 by the Bell Telephone company and one of the things it was known to be used for, was in cinema projectors to amplify the sound from the early talkie films. I think that's interesting enough to mention.

It wasn't long until my experiments showed great promise, eventually I moved on to a type 45 vacuum tube, another triode which is more powerful as a transmitter than the 262-A yet its construction is much more primitive. This tube is very similar to what Senku & Co. would've had.

I started building the definitive device, simultaneously laying a plan to combine a transmitter and receiver in the same unit using just one tube, a task that required this one part to perform four different duties (because I hadn't read the manga, and I didn't know the final unit they dispatched used two tubes instead of just one). On new year's eve at the end of 2020, the circuit was broadcasting One Small Step by Lillian Weinberg, loud and clear to a radio across the room.

You can get a recording of that in the link below as Tumblr won't let me upload it (yes I am using discord to host files, it also works for hosting images for your fanfics on Ao3, you're welcome).

The wooden circuit board was wired with homemade wires, made by cutting a sheet of copper into strips, and wrapping them in cotton and thread. A relay is used to switch the phone from receiver mode to transmitter mode with the push of a button.

Then the coils were calculated and wound, including the iconic large transmit coil

but would this coil that was made to look like the one in the series, be suitable to repeat what I had achieved in my experiments, would it resonate and produce the signal?

yes

I intended originally to have this project done before season 2 of Dr. Stone started, and put out a youtube video, but that ended up not happening. Still, the unit finally came together, and the plastic housing was a tupper with the rim cut off, painted orange and applied lettering.

By now season 2 had already ended, I believe, or it was soon to. Before I painted the case, I had to have one definitive test, to see that my creation demonstrated the functionality it promised, and now I had just the right voice to do it.

The final circuit was based on the work of radio pioneer Edwin Howard Armstrong, who was one of the fellows who invented the wireless world we know it today.

I turned the switch, and watched as the tungsten filament in the tube started glowing red. First I adjusted the receive coil and a radio station came in on the crystal earpiece, then, with a radio receiver in tune nearby, I started the sound I wanted to send over the air, and I pressed the transmit button...

It's true, it can be done. Today, there are people still alive who saw the day when the cutting edge of electronics was at this level. How far we've come from these baby steps, over such a short time.

Isn't science awesome?

I still haven't built a second unit.

[thatonecrookedsmile]

It's been a little over a month since I read FTB and I wanted to do (and say, I think) a few things related to it. So here, take this. FTB stuff I was wanting to share.

Including some drawings/my designs for some characters (the ones above), some separate sketches, and giving some long thoughts on the book. (This post is looong so I'm going to put everything under the curtain. Enjoy!)

Starting: Rose, Evan and Archie. They are the ones that, I admit, are what I wanted to draw/design most while/after I read the book. Now, at least, if I want to make something involving one of these three one day, I have designs ready to go! Hooray! Evan is the only one of the three that I actually had to design from scratch. With Rose I had made a sketch 1 year ago conceptualizing the idea for her design, and it was only recently that I came back to this idea to finally solidify it. And I had already done Archie's design last year while I was doing my designs for the human cast of BATDR, so I was already prepared without even knowing it.

Also,Ink!Archie!! The poor guy got screwed pretty badly. First two designs in the first image are based on the events in the book. The one on the left is him seen mostly in the book (alive) and the one on the right is when he is in the Ink Realm, post-death. The design in the second image was supposed to be a stylization/variation of his Cycle design. I tried drawing him with a visible mouth/teeth similar to what I did with Sammy in a recent drawing and in some sketches that I didn't post here. I'm not sure about the beard tho. I think I exaggerated it. Next time, remember to draw less beard in this design. (And maybe, for the design that is more "close to canon", don't draw the ends of the hair and beard in the Cycle design)

Any other character in the book, either I don't have a design and I don't plan on making a design for them now, or I do but it will take a while to show them. (I promise I'll show Dot one day)

I also have some additional sketches. So if you want to take a look at that too, here it is:

Ollie Sorenson. This wasn't quite the way I had imagined him when I was reading the book but 1. the hair I tried to draw for him before didn't work out well, so I went another route and 2. Ollie isn't particularly a character in this book that I'm going to I think a lot in comparison to the others (he's still cool, tho) and I doubt I'll make another design for him, so let's go with this one. Not a bad design,so,eh.

Rose. Sketch on the left was made last year. I'm almost certain it was done after the book synopsis was revealed by Kress. The sketch on the right was made last month when I was reading the book. I took the idea from the sketch on the left and tried to solidify her design better.

Evan. Some other sketches made when I read the book. I had just completed his design and wanted to test it a little more to, you know, see if I can actually draw him. Verdict? I think I can.

And now uhhhhhh what I thought of the book! I previously considered doing a separate text post with these thoughts only but I don't do text-only posts in general and if I were to make a separate post it would take a while and it would come out more than 1 month/probably 2 months since I read the book and it would be kinda awkward. And I'm already writing this post, so why not put it all here now, right?

(Warning: My thoughts on the book ended up being MUCH LONGER THAN I EXPECTED TO WRITE. You don't need to read them if you want, they are just more additional and optional things. But if you are going to read them, be warned)

(Spoilers: I may have strayed a little off topic when I started talking about Archie. Don't mention how long his paragraph is, tho)

But yeah, Fade To Black. That was something else, I tell you (and I mean that in a positive way). Probably reading this book after all the fuss that happened about the books a while ago wasn't the best idea possible. But even with…all that in mind, I still wanted to read this for a long time, and I'm glad I went ahead with it. I had a lot of fun with the book! And thinking about it a little over a month after finishing it, I think I can say that this book is up there as, like, one of my favorites of the Bendy books that have been released to date. Before this, I would have considered DCTL my favorite of the books, so I'm somewhere between saying that both of these two are my favorite books in this series and that I like them equally, or that FTB has now become my favorite book of the series, surpassing DCTL. (Maybe I'll have a better idea of ​​this later this year when I reread these books once again)

I really liked the story told, its concept had already interested me since its synopsis was revealed last year - the setting in the 50's, the TV show, the whole 3D glasses thing - so it's no surprise that I was very interested in what this book had to tell. And since I already brought that up: I liked the new concepts it brings to the table,specifically,of course,the glasses and the TV. An idea that,I admit,at first is something I thought was a bit different (and dare i say unusual?) from what I usually see in the Bendy universe (although, it's not something so out of the ordinary from what we've seen before in the series) but I have to say that it's something that I thought was cool even so. 3D glasses that end up transporting your mind into the televised cartoons (and,by all accounts,the ink realm). The jokes I saw that Joey created virtual reality in this book weren't so far-fetched after all lol. But still, it's a concept that I admit to having been interested in, and that it might be cool to play around with in fanon stuff. I also considered this could open doors for other, more "wild" ideas to be explored in the books (as long as they still make sense for a >Bendy< book, of course). I also liked the whole segment taking place in the ink realm at the end of the book, and I hope that this can open up possibilities for future novel stories to take place there, either partially (as in this one) or in full (I accept an entire novel taking place in the cycle,ngl). The additional lore for the ink realm is a nice treat and adds more to what we have in the games. I admit that, at the same time, I feel a little thoughtful about a certain part of this additional lore that - assuming the way I understand it is right - leaves me wondering if this "extended origin" of the cycle coupled with what we already know of its lore would make sense in the games, and how these ideias would be acknowledged in future entries. But at the same time, I may be overthinking this, and the stars may still be aligned, and I've gotten the information wrong. Despite everything, I liked what was told about the ink realm in this book, I appreciate this "extended origin" at the end of the day.

I really liked the cast, both the new ones and the old faces. Rose is great, I really liked her as the protagonist. She's already one of my favorite book characters, I hope we hear from her again in the future. Also, it's good to have a protagonist in these books who survives in the end. Okay, sure, she didn't come out of it 100% unharmed, considering what the ending implies, but still. Again. It's good to have a protagonist in these books who came out of this alive at the end. Evan is also very good. Even though I want to slap him on the back of the head, I also hope to hear from him again, especially considering the way he "exited the story" (is that how you say it?). I talked about the possibility of a future novel taking place in the ink realm, I think that would give a good chance of bringing him back, now as an ink creature. I don't have much to say about Ollie, but I also thought he was cool. The scenes between him and Rose are very nice and the scenes related to the "Bendy Visions" caused by the glasses is another concept that I found very interesting (Tense moments, but cool ones nonetheless) Very happy to see Dot again. I like her character, and I always wanted to see what happened to her after the events of DCTL (TLO had already implied that she was still alive, but I wanted to know more, you know). Her participation in this book is very good, and a chapter that I have to highlight is the one where she meets Rose and they talk in the cafe. Their conversation alone is very good, but the specific part that got me was Dot talking about Buddy, what happened to her after the first book, and Buddy's family. That part was like. A slap in the heart, I'm not going to lie. This chapter made me sad, 10/10. Favorite chapter of the book.

Archie Carter was a big surprise (not really, I already knew he would be here before reading the book), and he is another of my favorite aspects of the book. It's good to see one of the characters from BATDR's human cast ending up being used more in a story. Archie in the game, like other characters we saw in the audio logs in DR, is a "One and done" situation where we only hear from him once and that's it, combined with the fact that he is ultimately just another background character who exists mostly to fill the world and give information that is not necessarily integral to the main things that occur in the game and is more to tell about different things, people and events that were also occurring inside the studio and in the outside world ( those of the lost city and Gent Workshop, essentially) pre-game events. (I really don't know how to explain this properly, but I would say that the "thing" of the information given by the new human cast (with the exception of the Archs) is the same thing as the characters who are giving such information: filling the world. I hope you get the gist of what I'm saying) And while I wouldn't say the information on these tapes is really irrelevant (in Archie's case, he provides some of the most interesting), and in my case, I don't mind the addition of the newbies, I don't blame other people for not being interested, don't get attached to or even dislike these new characters who don't do much in the grand scheme of things in DR and in comparison to the BATIM cast (or at least, the majority of the IM cast). So seeing at least 1 of these newcomers being used more deeply in a story and having their characters expanded is good! And I liked what was done with Archie here. You know the guy who worked at Gent as a test subject and who saw bad things happening at the company? Guess what! Same company screwed up his life and now he's a half-human-half-ink creature guy infected with evil ink and his current situation is not good at all! He's going through horrors unfortunately (especially in the cycle), but I really like what Adrienne did with Archie in this book. Again, he is one of the highlights of this book, and I hope that something similar ends up happening with other DR characters in future stories (manifesting the novel that uses Bill Danton and/or Grace Conway in some capacity 🙌) Plus, I also think it's cool that of all the DR characters to be used, it was the one voiced by SuperHorrorBro who ended up being chosen for this book (I like SHB, what can I say)

Joey (like in the other books) is a standout (and considering what we specifically see of him in this book, he's especially a standout here). More of Allison, even though in the end it's just a small one-scene cameo. Finally, I'm being fed the bread crumbs I craved. And I think now I have another version of Henry to talk about. My collection is growing strong, now I have 3 versions of my favorite old man! Among the new ones, and especially the secondary and tertiary ones, Papa D and Gladys are nice, even though they don't have much time in the story. Oh, and Wilson showed up too. He doesn't do much either, he's just there to be creepy. But I will acknowledge him.

I also enjoyed seeing some of the ideias showcased first in BATDR here (which makes sense, this book came out well after the game finally released). I always found it interesting to see more of Gent in the spotlight, and reading and knowing a little more about the things they were doing after JDS closed is nice. (And I think it's good to see more reaffirmation of what BATDR had already implied. That Gent also had eyes on the Ink Machine even when the studio was still open, and when the studio collapsed, they still continued the ink experiments in their own facilities. Again, this was already something that had been shown in DR, but it's good to see more reaffirmation here) The appearance of the Siverlane Express was something that I really appreciated, even if it was something very short. I ealready talk about Archie in one giant paragraph, and again, Wilson is here too.

There isn't really anything I "disliked" about this book, but at most, I only have a few nitpicks. The Ink Demon appears in the story, but compared to DCTL and TLO, I feel FTB is definitely the book where he appears the least. I mean, yeah, the story isn't about him in the end, but it's still something I managed to notice. I also feel that, in my opinion, this is the least "scary" of the 3. Not that it doesn't have "scary" elements but still, compared to moments in the other books like Buddy in the infirmary, or the TLO trio in the old factory, I don't know if this book would be the most "scary" of the trilogy. However,FTB still has several suspenseful scenes (the Bendy visions, some scenes with Ollie, Archie's pre-introduction, Wilson in the library), which I also like anyway. And I'll admit. While this idea isn't that far out there - and in the context of the story, it makes sense - I kind of raised an eyebrow a little at the whole "using your mind/imagination to get out of the ink realm" thing. It is not bad! And again, with what we saw in the book, this idea actually fits with what we had seen so far in the story. But I can't lie that when we got to this moment I was like "oh, this is something that happened, I guess", you know? But even so, I didn't dislike the idea.

(I once saw someone describe this part of the book as "they canonized no-clipping in Bendy" and you know what? I think that's funny. I think we need to start referring to this idea in the book as that instead of "using the imagination" /hj)

But even so, even with these small "nitpicks", I still had a lot of fun with this book. I really enjoyed reading it, and not only is it now one of my favorite Bendy books so far, I dare say it's one of my favorite things about the franchise in general. Like, if I had to make a top 3 of my favorite things from the Bendy series so far, I'd say it's this book and the first two mainline games. I guess this is to show how much I enjoyed the book!

And with that, my journey with the Bendy books ends. At least, with the books I managed to have access so far. I have no plans to pursue the updated version of the Employee Handbook so far, but from what I've heard and seen so far, I'm not missing anything too important. And the DCTL graphic novel….exists. It's definitely a graphic novel that exists. Dare I say that it is definitely one of the graphic novels of all time, alright. But what have I read so far? It was what I would say, a good journey. I've been interested in the Bendy books for a long time, and it's been a while since I read them, and I'm glad I did, despite recent events. Of course, they have their flaws and problems too, I have things about them that I myself identify as bumps in the road (and that applies to the novel trilogy too btw) But even with them in mind and acknowledging them, I still think that they are worth something. And I hope people still continue to recognize them and give them a chance. Even with its flaws, and with their whole canocity thing that happened a while ago, I still believe that people should check out the books eventually. Give it a chance, you know? If they did, and liked what they read, great! But if they don't like it, that's okay too! In the end, at least they, on both sides, gave it a chance. And that's what I at least want to see. I don't like the idea of ​​discarding these things and pretending they don't exist just because the devs said they aren't canon to the games (because, in my view, just because the books aren't canon doesn't make them without value or that you can't have fun with them after all)

WOW, this is getting long, I think I got carried away. I think that's all I had to say. To conclude everything, here is my list of the Bendy books that I like the most and the ones I like least:

Fade To Black (I've already talked a lot about this book)

Dreams Come To Life (hand in hand with FTB being in first place. It has its flaws, some that may have already been mentioned before, but I still found myself liking it in the end. For a first novel, it worked out fine)

Crack-Up Comics (Really liked the comics. It's good to see more things related to the cartoon characters, and I like some of the characters introduced. Pretty fun stuff)

The Lost Ones (it's not a very "Bendy" focused book compared to the others, and I don't blame those who didn't like this one because of the lack of many Bendy elements, but I confess that I still liked it as much as the other 2, and I loved the protagonists of this one. Even so, of the trilogy, it is the weakest book)

The Illusion of Living (In itself, it's an interesting read. It's really cool to see more of Joey from a deeper angle, and see more of his past. But I confess that it's not my favorite read, and I still prefer the main novels. Not bad, tho)

JDS Employee Handbook (2019) (For the first Bendy book overall, it's not bad, and I like the lore tidbits it has. But compared to the rest, it's actually the weakest)

The TL;DR is: Fade To Black is fun and my favorite, I liked its story and characters. I liked the books. Check them out if you want. If you liked them, cool. If you didn't like them, that's cool too. Read in general.

And if you've read this far: Thank you! And at the same time, I'm sorry! Have a good day/afternoon/night everyone. Peace.

[namdubsar]

Drawing Cuneiform, Part 3/3

(Previous)

So, how can we draw these signs in a way that's clear and legible, without getting too overcrowded and busy?

We have to make it clear where strokes start and end, because these three are all different signs (the sounds qa, me, and bar). This means we can't only mark the heads.

And we have to be able to mark multiple heads on a single stroke, because these two are different signs (the number 2, and the sound a). This means we can't only mark the tails.

So how can we achieve both of those goals, without ending up with a mess of heads and tails everywhere?

Well, it turns out some ancient scribes tried to solve the same problem!

Ashurbanipal, the last of the "great" kings of the Assyrian Empire, was known for being a horrifically cruel and bloodthirsty ruler (which is part of why he was the last of them). But he was also a great scholar, and he devoted a lot of his time and effort to building the Royal Library, which was meant to include all the knowledge of the world. It's thanks to this Royal Library that we have as much ancient Mesopotamian literature as we do today!

Like any good librarian, he made sure that every tablet filed in the Royal Library was properly labelled, and like any good emperor, he made sure they all had his own name on them, just in case. Usually this was stamped into the clay the normal way. But sometimes the tablets brought back from sacking a city had already been fired. What then?

Well, in exactly three specific cases, we've found this library information (the "colophon") written on in ink.

Here are zoomed-in images of the two I was able to find in the British Museum's collection. The third should be somewhere in there as well, but I haven't been able to locate it.

The text is pretty badly faded, but we know what it says based on other tablets from the Library: "Palace of Ashurbanipal, King of the World, King of Assyria".

Now this looks promising! This isn't just the improvised work of a scribe whose tablet dried too fast—according to Irving Finkel, the British Museum's cuneiform expert, the neatness and elegance of the writing suggests that there was a long tradition of this. Ink is just less durable than fired ceramic, and less likely to survive for the thousands of years it took us to rediscover these artifacts.

It's hard to extrapolate much from just these two inscriptions, but we can say a few things:

The heads are drawn with curved lines, and the tails with straight lines

Multiple tails can share one head, and multiple heads can share one tail

So let's see if we can render some text in this style! Here's what the full colophon should look like, if the rest of the text had survived:

I had to make a few guesses to make this work. We don't have any "Winkelhaken" strokes in the surviving text—the ones that look like big hooks, without a head or tail—so I just guessed at how they would be drawn.

But still, I think we've found our winner. This is the most readable style I've seen yet for writing cuneiform in two dimensions. You can see clearly where all the heads and tails are, you can tell the heads apart from the tails, and each wedge takes a maximum of two pen strokes to draw, a big improvement over our earlier versions!

So to finish off, here's how our Gilgamesh excerpt would look in this style:

Very readable, I think!

Next up: how exactly does this style work?

[burning-fcols]

TW: Body image issues, internalized fatphobia, f-slur at the end Adam stared at himself a good portion of time in front of the full length mirror. Not unusual for the egotistical man. He had to make sure he looked "just right" before he got on stage to perform his fans or even just going about his day. Ever since being casted down to Hell however, the ritual became much more complicated with issues that extended further with his physical changes and as he entered his "relationship" with Lucifer. In front of others, Adam would lie to their faces with all of the confidence and bravado he could muster, that he still looked "bad ass" even and especially with those acquired hellish qualities. He'd lie even further that he still got pussy with demon bitches lining up to get a taste of "the first man". Even if those "tastes" included either actually eating him or killing him. But that hasn't actually happened in awhile, especially once it was made clear that he associated himself with the King of Hell. On top of everything else, Hell's denizens, unlike Heaven's, had no scruples in reminding Adam what a fat guy he was. Something the man usually took on with pride and would mock the other person for being uncreative with the insults, if all they had to go by was just poking at his weight. It was easy to act like you didn't care when it was some rando sinner that you stubbornly decided was beneath you. It was less easy when it was just you in the mirror, replaying conversations from those you've recently come to care about. 'So this is what you've been doing since Eden? You've really let yourself go.' Looking at his profile, Adam lifted his stomach up, then let it fall in place, his eyeline followed it. Then he started pinching and proding at the rolls that overlapped. If Lucifer actually had an issue with Adam's weight, he would just say so right? Not lead the first man on and only act like he was attracted and interested. He may be an asshole, but he was a direct asshole. The Sin of Pride didn't beat around the bush just to spare the fallen angel's feelings. Adam would have been more insulted if he did. The First Man turned face forward, hands dropped the folds around his torso and went up to his face. The tips of his fingers pinched the areas of his neck and face that weren't framed already by his bone structure. His face shape was naturally round, heart shaped in fact, but it probably didn't help matters that he had the illusion of "baby fat" around it. Especially if he laid down. Closing his golden eyes, Adam let his face fall in everyway, frown deepened as he exhaled. "Fucking hell..." He tipped his forehead on the cold surface of the mirror. He exhaled through his nose. "I am a fat faggot." (Made it vague enough where it can be either our main verse or arranged) - ✧ ˖ ˙ 「 @meansman 」 ˙ ˖ ✧

「 ☆ 」 Door cracking opening undetected— a perfect storm of Adam's attention being riveted on the mirror and Lucifer's movements slowed by the exhaustion of escaping a conversation that drawled on far longer than he'd prefer —it silently pushes open enough for the Sin to take notice of what Adam is doing. Abruptly halting, door is pulled back to offer more cover, giving the illusion of still being shut. Peering through the crack, by the time Lucifer decides Adam would NOT want him witnessing the scene, he has already been lingering too long...

Enough to where guilt now roots him in his spot, any chance of privacy denied thanks to gnawing worry. Biting his bottom lip, sharp teeth threaten to pierce skin the longer Adam's studying goes on. Regret grows with each poke and prod ( this is NOT something he was ever intended to see ) but so does his stubbornness, Lucifer determined not to leave until he's certain Adam is alright... Or until he's screamed at to leave. Either way, at least he can say he tried.

With the others muttered insult, Lucifer feels more confident he made the right decision. Awkwardly clearing his throat so as to not startle Adam, it's doubtful the gesture does much, considering he barely waits before appearing in the middle of the room in a bright blast of red smoke and light; Lucifer denied the option of subtlety even when NOT trying to show off. Discretion wasn't taken into consideration with his creation. Normally Lucifer doesn't mind it. Even if it was, he'd be adding flair to his actions regardless. But such an entrance doesn't exactly fit when the mood is so... somber.

Then again, it DOES fit with the awkward way he tries to interject himself into the scene. With a forced smile and a tilt of his head, he shakes a finger at the other in faux-scolding, ❝ Hey— careful, Adam. You shouldn't talk bad about my— uh, my... ❞ former-friend friend former-enemy lover fuckbuddy Adam Upbeat tone falters ( last word drawled out far too long ) as Lucifer struggles to figure out what he should refer to Adam as. Bailing on the playful route, he winces and presses his palms together, fingers aimed at Adam as he says, ❝ You seem upset. ❞

Not pleased with that line of dialogue either, Lucifer plows forward in the hope he'll find his footing along the way before Adam can try to throw him out. ❝ Did someone say something to you? Because if they did, just point me in their direction! ❞ With a weak chuckle, he flashes a grin and manifests himself beside the mirror with another ❛ poof ❜ . Leaning against its side, Lucifer dons his best can-totally-handle-this expression, looking up at the taller man with false confidence as he claims—

❝ And I'll smite them, noooooo problem~ ❞ 「 ☆ 」

[akechiguro]

pillow talk

sebastian sallow x ominis gaunt

oneshot | hurt/comfort, fluff

Synopsis | Ominis Gaunt helps soothe Sebastian Sallow’s worries about sleeping.

Word Count | 1387.

Content Warnings | nightmares, mentions of murder, angst

also posted on ao3!

The dormitories in the Slytherin common room always got darker than normal at night. Pitch-black in comparison to, say, the Ravenclaw common rooms. It never really bothered Sebastian Sallow, the darkness; at least, not until sixth year.

The same nightmare has been replaying in his mind over. and over. and over again, every night, for the past 5 months. Every day since that day. The day his life changed all because of his compulsive idiocracy. If only he showed more restraint, or listened to Ominis and the new students, hell, and even Anne or Solomon— maybe they’d both still be alive today. Maybe he wouldn’t be sitting in bed, refusing to fall asleep so he didn’t have to relive the image of Solomon dying by his hands and witnessing his twin sister apparate away, never to talk to him again.

He was tired. So, very tired. But not tired enough to fall asleep. Not yet, anyway. Usually on nights like these, he’d go for a walk around the common room, and sometimes even around Hogwarts; those plans quickly came to an end after Mr. Moon caught him walking around the Viaduct Courtyard after hours. He’d been warned that if an encounter like that happened again, more than just house points would be taken away. He’d rather not risk it.

How ironic. This time last year, he’d take the chance just to enjoy the scenery. Now? It feels as though he’s eternally walking on eggshells. A bloody nightmare is what it is.

He glanced over to the bed across from him. Though the room was pitch dark, he could still make out the shape of Ominis Gaunt underneath the covers, sleeping soundly. After the incident, after Ominis played a hand in helping him not get convicted, something about his feelings for his best friend…switched.

Not in a bad way, though. Well— maybe not in a bad way. Every time their hands brushed caused a weird feeling in his stomach, and over the summer he found it hard to concentrate when sleeping for another reason besides the nightmares. It took a couple days before he had the brilliant idea that Solomon was dead and Anne was gone, Ominis could sleep in one of their beds rather than his own, with him. How neither of them found this weird for so long was beyond him.

He’d tried to suppress these feelings the best he could, because at the end of the day, it would never work. Sebastian is far too unstable to even try and pursue anyone, much less a boy. That’d be causing a lot more trouble than it’s worth if anyone ever found out about them. And besides, he knew nearly everything about Ominis, would he be in the right state of mind to help him with his issues if they were anything more than best friends?

A groggy groan interrupted his thoughts. He refocused his grip on reality, struggling to watch Ominis sit up across from him in the dark. He blinked once, twice, and grabbed his wand.

“Sebastian,” He mumbled, drowse still dripping from his voice. Sebastian’s heart fluttered in a way he couldn’t comprehend. “Did you have another nightmare?”

Even when he’s only awake for a few seconds, Ominis still worried about him. It was like torture. “No,” Sebastian mumbled with pure cowardice (for no reason, either). “I don’t want to fall asleep. I don’t want to see him again.”

Ominis groaned and slowly got out of bed to sit with Sebastian, instinctually rubbing his back. He'd gotten the habit of doing that after he caught the aftermath of Sebastian’s first nightmare. Sebastian leaned closer to him, comforted by his warmth. Even just his natural musk seemed to calm his nerves, how embarrassing.

“Is there anything on your mind? To take it away from…him,” Ominis asked. The second part of his habit included unimportant conversation. It was the quickest way to get him out of his slump and back to sleep, they’d both discovered.

Is it a bad move to vent to your best friend after he just got out of bed not 5 minutes ago? “I mean…nothing you would want to hear right now. You don’t have to keep doing this, Ominis, it ruins your sleep schedule along with mine. It’s self-destructive, really.” He tried to joke. He did truly feel bad Ominis did this so often, but at the same time, he would never complain.

“No.” He said quickly. “I want to help you, Sebastian. I want to hear what you are thinking about. It doesn’t matter what time it is, you can tell me everything.” Ominis spoke quickly and sternly— if kind of reminded Sebastian of one of the professors. In a good way, though, the words were nice to hear.

He shifted slightly before giving in. Oh, how easy that was to convince him of. “Just…I sort of feel bad for the new student, now that I’ve actually thought about it. Seems everyone in school was using them in one way or another, and I think I’m by far the most guilty of it,” Sebastian explained, laying his head on Ominis’ chest as he spoke. “I manipulated them horribly, and I never quite apologized for it. They probably think I’m a horrible person now.”

“They don’t think that, Sebastian,” Ominis soothed, unconvincingly. “What’s important now is you’ve changed. May I hear what exactly you did to make you feel so guilty? It would help to get it off your chest.”

Subconsciously, he knew he didn’t want to admit to anything he did. Whatever pride he had left wanted so badly to prevent him from saying anything, but he was too sleep-drunk and swooning to oblige to anything that didn’t from Ominis. “I…a main trick I used to, uhm. Use them. Was flirting.” He admitted, cringing. “The way they looked at me, it was like they would do anything I asked, and I…took advantage of that. It’s horrible, Ominis. No good person does that!”

He hummed. “That’s not very nice.”

“Ominis, I’m trying to vent.”

“I’m sorry,” He yawned, letting his hand fall from the other’s back to his hand, intertwining their fingers. Sebastian’s breathing caught, though, he tried to pass it off as a…sniffle of sorts, despite his lack of tears. “You’re right, Sebastian, that was a horrible thing to do.”

Sebastian sighed. “Stop talking to me like I’m a child, Ominis. It’s like you’ve forgotten everything I’ve done. I don’t like it.”

He frowned, loosening his grip on his hand. Sebastian panicked, squeezing it– before he realized what it entailed, and stopped. Ominis never let go, though.

“You’ve faced the consequences of your actions. Since I’d expect you to learn, I’ve already forgiven you.” Ominis explained. Something about Ominis’ tone, it was like he was sleep-drunk, saying whatever came to mind rather than pausing to think. He’s never mentioned forgiving him, not until now…should he take this with sincerity?

“You…what?” Sebastian mumbled, taken aback. “You can’t just-”

“I’m not excusing murder. I’m saying I forgive you for acting like a bloody fool. I have more choice words I could refer to you as, but you’re clearly not in the right state of mind to hear them.” He cocked a slight smile, tightening his grip on Sebastian’s hand again.

Sebastian was silent for a moment. It’s far too late at night to be having a conversation like this, or rather too early, he didn’t know the time– Ominis’ hand felt so nice in his– was the room always this warm during fall? couldn’t be, the fireplace wasn’t lit–

“Well, you’re distracted…” Ominis started, cutting through his overthought thoughts like he was using Diffindo. Sebastian could feel the hesitant warmth of his breath against his cheek before Ominis kissed it, pulling away not a second later. “I’m going back to sleep, I’m tired. Goodnight, Sebastian.” His voice ran like silk through Sebastian’s ears, so sweet, so…

“Goodnight, Ominis,” Sebastian muttered, nearly collapsing against his pillow with his fingers brushing over where his best friend’s lips made contact. He blushed, feelings feverish all the way up to his ears, before a huge, giddy smile plastered itself on his face. He giggled to himself, scooting under his blankets and letting his eyes shut.

Sebastian got the best sleep he’s ever gotten in months that night.

[tjemegames]

HSR: 2.5.1 AS, 2.5.1 PF, & 2.5.2 MoC Recaps

Hello there, the time for yapping is here once again! Since only the same eight or so people tend to read these, I don't think we need a wall of disclaimers this time around. Going forward you should really only expect to see them when I’ve implemented formatting changes or have something important to mention that pertains to the entirety of the recap post.

2.4 turned me into a slightly casual gamer: dedicated subsections for my casual gaming activities have been added to minimize some of the reintroduction redundancy that was happening in the last recap.

As always, apologies for the image distortion: long photos and Tumblr do not mix well.

You know the drill, lengthy rambling about my endgame experience is under the cut!

2.5.1 Apocalyptic Shadow

Gamer's Instigation is probably my favorite endgame title out of all the ones we've had so far (let's go, gamers!) I'm a big fan of AS, as we know, and this cycle's challenge did not disappoint. I got my twelve stars within a total of four challenge waves!

I tried my hardest to avoid resetting in my first run of stage IV, but even after doing stage III and rereading the enemy details I still needed to feel out Phantylia's mechanics to get a better grasp on the best way to defeat her efficiently. Aventurine's battle was rather cut and dry, so his side only took one attempt.

Aventurines battle was also quite fun. Imagine if his normal boss mechanics allowed for a cumulative dice score across your teammates (the energy buff would probably have to be RNG-based or default to the teammate that contributed the most points in order to counterbalance that), but it would make for a much more enjoyable time when fighting him. It’s been months and I'm still salty about the White Night Chronicles MoC XII—there simply was no reason for that to have been as difficult as it was for me back then. I just…

Anyway, here are the builds I used for IV-I:

Phantylia's battle wasn’t hard, it just required a bit more focus and planning to complete. I did my run with a sustain because I misunderstood the HP situation for defeating the flowers; I interpreted it as the flowers would restore Phantylia’s HP after popping, rather than restoring my team’s HP. In hindsight I shouldn’t have understood it that way because that’s not how the flowers work in her Echo of War, but for some reason that didn’t click at the time. Either way, I got it done with relative ease which is all I’m really asking for these days.

These are the builds I used in IV-II:

Pretend you didn't see Aventurine's sphere—there simply was no better choice. It is what it is, and I will not be addressing it further.

The first 800 jades down (whoop whoop!) I desperately needed them because Feixiao bankrupted me on her way to my roster. It’s my penance for betraying Danny boy.

AS Casual Gaming

AS is way too fun for me not to drop back into it over the course of the patch. I tend to get inspired by runs that I’ve seen on Discord and end up motivated enough to try for better clears and/or test out different teams. This is where I’ll be dropping my ramblings about those attempts. Unfortunately, due to image limitations, I won’t be able to include any build showcases in this section. I did consider making a secondary post specifically for this reason but ultimately decided that it wasn’t a big enough deal to be necessary (if I’m wrong about that, please do let me know. I’m down to yap for as long as y’all are down to listen.)

Chasing a better clear with my original team lineup:

Popped back into the game about four hours after my first round of attempts to start the process of trying for a better clear. The last time I was score chasing in AS I kept a close track of my reset count since it was over the course of a few days, and I kept switching back and forth between my phone and pc. This time I stuck to one day and one device so the detailing is a bit less extensive.

Even though I’ve used DHIL in basically every endgame cycle, I still manage to fumble his gameplay from time to time, my first round of tries being a prime example of that. With that in mind, I figured that taking on Phantylia’s side would be my best shot at increasing my overall score. I set my sights on a 100 point increase and went to town.

First three resets: +66 points, bringing me up to 7260

Next two resets: +4 more points, bringing me up to 7264

Final five resets: no points, DHIL managed to die twice—don’t ask me how that happened because I genuinely do not know

70 points of improvement on the second side. I don’t know if 100 overall points is within reach, but I’ll refocus my efforts on Aventurine’s battle and see what, if anything, can be done there.

First and only three resets: no points, I was hoping that there was a work around with the weakness-locked dice but there wasn’t

Barring making my entire team even faster to get more turns, which I don’t have the relics to do at the moment, this appears to be the end of the line for this clear.

Not a bad set of attempts overall. I was able to get my score up to a grand total of 7264 points within thirteen resets. That’s 138 more points than last AS—didn’t see that happening if I’m being completely honest, some of my builds have actually gotten worse since then. Either way, I’m happy enough with this score to forgo attempting a sustainless clear. Let’s be so for real, my account is not currently in the place to even humor sustainless clears. I’ll file that thought away for later down the line.

Getting Jingliu's Revenge:

Remember a little earlier when I said I was still salty about my experience with White Night Chronicles? Well, since I wasn't having the best of days, I decided to head back into AS so I could feel vindication in the form of beating up Aventurine.

Now, you may be thinking, "TJ, you've already gotten your revenge on Aventurine with Boothill like three times since then." To which I would say yes. However, pew-pew gaming him to death just isn't enough to quell the insatiable beast that is my pettiness for this situation. That being said, I called upon my slightly benched, 35% crit rate having Jingliu to finally enact my revenge; the fact that it's been over five months and I still haven't been able to get Jingliu to 50% crate is actually so painful. I had a whole arc where I was farming wind set Pela and did not manage to get a single replacement piece for Jingliu that entire time. I hate that I love this game.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand. I regeared Jingliu, rallied the troops (Bronya, RM, & Natasha), and set out for battle:

Victory is MINE! 3608 points is pretty damn solid—my Boothill team only managed to get 73 more points during their run. I feel like I can finally move on from this without any lingering resentment or regrets (yippee!)

Closing Thoughts

That just about wraps up AS for this patch. I was wrong with my guess of having to beat up Yanqing this cycle (a well-deserved break after the 2.5 continuance) but I do hope to see him in this mode sometime in the future. I’m looking forward to seeing what all they manage to incorporate into AS after this patch because the new boss mechanics were both refreshing and interesting. I’m someone who actively likes this mode, so I can only imagine how much of an impact the new features had on those who don’t typically care for it. I hope that they continue to mix up more battles like this in the future.

2.5.1 Pure Fiction

No video for Volubility since I couldn't get past eleven stars: I recorded one but it's not worth posting since I didn't even come close to a full clear. I don't want to waste my time editing and making a thumbnail for content I'm not proud of. Additionally, since I wasn't able to finish and I've since done MoC in between my myriad of PF attempts, I lost the ability to save my build showcases for the aforementioned recording, meaning that I would've been missing an entire section of my video. Truly unfortunate, but it is what it is.

I genuinely had such a bad time trying to do this. I spent far more time than I would've liked trying to twelve star and it sucked just about every bit of enjoyment that it could've out of me. I thought I would have a better chance at beating it after a couple weeks away and doing some character upgrades but apparently it just wasn't in the cards this patch. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Closing Thoughts

720/800 jades is painful but I have no choice other than to accept it and move on. If I somehow manage a miracle before the 2.6.1 reset, I'll be sure to pop in here to provide an update. Otherwise, that's all from me on PF.

2.5.2 Memory of Chaos

No video for Scalegorge Tidalflow either. I did manage to get all twelve stars, but my mental health is currently kicking my ass, so I just don't have it in me to bother with it (or this post really) before the patch ends.

Quick summary off the dome since I didn't write any notes when I did my run; Boothill continues to pay his dues. Feixiao is fun to play with—I might need to pull Robin or build Moze though because I don’t have a proper third slot for her team. I thought I could clear floor XII quicker than seven cycles, but a few rounds of casual gaming did not yield better results. No showcases because I forgot to make them before giving PF another try and I'm drained.

Closing Thoughts

MoC was fine. The exo-toughness mechanic is interesting, and I hope I get a chance to explore it more when I'm feeling better. All 800 jades have been added to the savings for DHIL's cone.

Alrighty friends, that's it for this post. Sorry about the quality drop; my brain is being a nuisance and I'd prefer to put this out now while I have some motivation left to do it—there’s no guarantee that I would've finished it at all if I decided to delay it further. Not my best yap but it’ll do for archiving purposes.

I hope everyone enjoyed the 2.5 endgame cycle (to the best of their ability)! I'll be back in about six weeks when it's time for the next one of these.

[dollarbin]

Dollar Bin #27:

Willie Nelson Sings Kristofferson

When I was eight years old my parents took me to see my first naked lady. Let me tell you all about it.

I grew up in LA but had no real relationship to Hollywood; yes, we'd take periodic trips to Universal Studios to ride through the one foot high Red Sea, see the Psycho house and climb on props from The Incredible Shrinking Woman, but Ricky Schroder didn't live on my block and my dad was a house painter.

My only connection to Hollywood and fame was my mom's famous cousin Kris, who we'd see once every other year or so. Kristofferson has never known me from Adam but, like me, he loved my mother and deeply loved my grandmother. He was also incredibly handsome, kind, deeply masculine and, by that point, stone cold sober. So of course he was my idol.

And so when Songwriter, Kris's totally forgettable buddy flick with Willie Nelson, came out in 84, I begged my parents to take me to see it. The movie was about writing, I argued, and I was going to be a writer when I grew up. I was eight years old and I was already full of crap; the movie is almost as dumb as I was:

Bizarrely, my parents agreed to take me, and next thing you know my mother was literally covering my eyes with her hands as Cousin Kris cavorted with a naked lady who clearly wasn't his wife and who had the world's biggest knockers. Happily, my mother's fingers are skinny, so I got an eyeful. The movie taught me absolutely nothing about writing, but I did start to wonder about naked ladies. They seemed pretty cool.

Still, I wondered just how Kris's lovely wife felt about him making such a movie. Every time I was around them, she was literally covered in their babies - there were way too many of them for me to begin identifying individual ages or names, especially as they all looked the same. Did she know, I worried, about the lady with the giant boobies? Would there marriage survive?

Well, it's 40 years later and I'm proud to report that they are still very happily married. Maybe she never bothered to watch Songwriter...

Thankfully Nelson and Kristofferson's relationship was not born on the movie lot, and based on the image on the back of Willie's 79 album Willie Nelson Sings Kristofferson and their time together in the Highwaymen, I sense that the relationship is a special one for both men.

In preparation for my discussion of the record, here's a warm-up, one-question, multiple choice, pop quiz on Nelson:

Question: How many studio albums has Nelson put out in his 61 year career?

54

38

565

100

Before you google the answer, let me provide a little perspective. Nelson and Bob Dylan both made their album debuts in 62; 6 years later Neil Young put out his first solo record. To date, Neil has 45 studio albums, or so, to his name, depending on how you count. Dylan, 40.

(Stephen Stills, as we all know, Sucks: in a career that's as long as Young's he's produced somewhere under 30 records or so, and that total generously includes all the C, S & N albums.)

Choice #1 in the above quiz makes sense. It would make Nelson slightly more productive than Neil and far more productive than Bob, and I can get my mind around that: Bob's production has slowed down considerably in the last 30 years, and Young's alternated between rushing things out half-baked (for example, everything he ever made with members of Willie's family in the Promise of the Real) or refusing to issue finished and impossibly great records for decades for no discernible reason (Homegrown, Chrome Dreams - you know, two of the best records of all time).

Choice #2, wherein Nelson spent less time in the studio than either Bob or Neil, could work too: Nelson is 4 years older than Dylan (Willie's 90!) and he didn't put out any records until his late 20's; plus he's always high, right? So maybe he's less prolific?

Choice #3 is included to make sure you're not a bot. If you are, Greetings, Machine. I hope you are enjoying my blog! Thank you for being 53 of my 59 followers. When you are done reading this please go attack some Russian servers or something, okay?

Choice #4 is nearly as wacko, right? How could Willie possibly have produced 1.64 albums a year, smoked all that supposed pot, evaded all those supposed taxes and made a terrible movie with Cousin Kris along the way? Can't be done, right?

Wrong. The correct answer is #4. Nelson has made an even 100 studio albums in his career. In 1982 alone he put out 4 records, 3 of which were issued in consecutive months. Holy Smoke, Willie!

Now I want to come right on out and say that I own, and have only heard, a fraction of those albums. I count 9 on my shelf at the moment and I'm no real authority on Willie. What's more, I've never been to Farm Aid, nor have I ever seen an Angel Flying Too Close to the Ground. I've never even smoked any of Nelson's herb and I'd decline it if offered. So, if you want to put me in a full Nelson in the comments and critique all the follows, be my guest.

But in the meantime I'm gonna act like I know a lot about Wet Willie and his impossible album total and argue that the sheer enormity of his output explains a few things about him generally and Sings Kristofferson in particular.

The album in question is alternatively workman-like, tossed off, intricate and sublime. I'm guessing he recorded it in a weekend of single takes after spending ten years singing the songs for his own pleasure. Let's dive into this Dollar Bin must-have.

To begin with, the hits are all here. Make a list of Kristofferson songs you know and they are probably all on the record.

Bobby McGee is given a country blues work up with an extended jam at the back end. Nelson rides the riff in baritone. The truth is that I've never heard a single version of this wonderful song that I really love other than Kris's own take: only he really understands how damn sad the story is. Roger Miller sings it like he's the gringo at the fiesta; Gordon Lightfoot gets the job done then moves on to songs of his own that mean much more to him; Janis Joplin rewrites it almost entirely, and while the result is classic, I have to remind myself that hers is the same song.

Much the same can be said for the album's Sunday Morning Coming Down. Nelson is thoughtful, takes the song to church and then the dance hall, and fills both spaces with stately grace.

I like playing Nelson's version of the song while putting together a nice weekend brunch for my family. There's plenty fresh hot coffee on hand for my wife and the egg sandwiches have avocado, swiss and homemade hollandaise. I pick out nice plates.

But the song is about beer for breakfast. And only Kristofferson really conveys just how much misery it contains:

And so I think that the real magic of Nelson's record lies in the songs Kristofferson got wrong on his own. Take You Show Me Yours (And I'll Show You Mine). Kris was pretty lost on alcohol when he blasted through his own version: there's a 4,000 member choir on hand along with a trashcan percussion section and too slick of a pianoman. All poor Kris can do is warble along.

But Willie uses the song to show off his pipes. And, oh, aren't they glorious!

And the album closes with something pretty extraordinary I think. Please Don't Tell Me How the Story Ends is a song Kris passed on to others in the late 60's. He didn't attempt a version of his own until the 3rd album he made with Rita Coollidge and that record is straight up boring. Their marriage was already over; the story had already ended.

But Nelson's version is startlingly perfect. Just sit with me a moment. Enjoy it, till it's over. And lean in for the second line of the second verse. I find the note Willie hits for "softer" to be one of the most surprising and sublime moments in my entire Dollar Bin.

I kind of imagine Nelson will live to 100 and put out another 25 records. But Cousin Kris will surely pass away in the coming days, months or years. So too will Bob and Neil. I honestly hate to think about it. Just like me, they are all flawed men, yes, but I believe they are important artists and their contributions have been, and will continue to be, deeply positive.

When the day comes and I hear of Kris's passing, I'll surely put on this record and think with appreciation of the really nice moments I was lucky to spend in his company as a kid. I'll think of his wonderful songwriting, and I'll think of the loving pride with which he stood beside my grandmother. I'll probably remember too how he granted me my first look at boobies.

And when Willie Nelson begins to sing in Please Don't Tell Me How... and describes so perfectly a last night spent together, I'll sit still and close my eyes, saying a little prayer in my own way.

That's how I want the story to end.

[iblameashley]

"Its not a date!' (its a date)

Civilian | Male | Gay

PART 2 of "Wing-man Gaz sets up his LT."

800~ words (tumblr was giving me grief about posting this with section in the original blog, so I broke it into two parts to calm the bitch down)

(Images included). Build up to romance. Slow-burn. Fluff. DOG!

Ghost | OC | Gaz

Due to complications, the mission went sideways and deployment had lasted nearly three months. Ghost had been exhausted when he picked Ella up and said even less than he had when they first met. That changed rather quickly a couple of days after Ghost's return.

Logan had been working away when his phone dinged.

Ghost had barely made it through the door when the smell of Thai food pierced his mask. He stomach gave him away instantly with a loud growl. He closed the door and made a fist.

"Fuckin' 'ell, Gaz."

"Hey!" Logan exclaimed as he entered the kitchen. "Come here girl!"

Ella trotted over and sat down in front of Logan. She wagged her tail and panted. Logan bent down and scratched behind her ears and around her jaw. She licked his hand with excitement.

"Well, gonna just stand there, Ghost?"

He was still facing the door, but turned to look at Logan. Despite everything Logan expected, Ghost was actually more put together this time. His hair was brushed to the side, he was wearing a nice fitted shirt and jeans. He had a nice pair of trainers on. Still wearing a mask, though. Logan had to wonder if he did think this was a date.

"Ella seems happy to see you." He said.

"Yep. I'm happy to see her too." Logan gave her a few more scratches behind the ear.

He walked over to the sink and washed his hands before grabbing some plates from the cupboard. "Have a seat." He said, looking at the take away sitting on the table. "I didn't know what you liked, so I just ordered… a lot."

"You didn't have to." Ghost grumbled. "I don't like ch-"

"Charity. I know." He set the plates on the table. "Sit." He now ordered.

Ghost reluctantly took a seat.

"Ella, your food is in your bowl." Logan said sweetly. "Go eat."

Ghost watched as she made her way to the bowl and began eating. There was a part of him that hated how much Ella liked Logan. She was his girl. But he couldn't get over the trust she had in him. She had very clear lines drawn for people, it meant a lot that she seemed to have taken to him so fast.

Logan set a beer on the table, snapping Ghost back to attention.

"I drove here." He tested.

"No you didn't." Logan replied. He sat down and started opening boxes of food. He filled his plates and let Ghost sit there in silence for a few minutes.

"Gaz drove you. He lives here, it would be faster."

Ghost removed his mask and placed it neatly to the side of the table. He was incredibly handsome. Until now, all Logan had really seen was his beautiful brown eyes and blond hair. But he had full, light pink lips, and a well defined jawline. There were a few scars, but they seems to have mostly faded with him.

He filled his plate and dug in. He ate a lot. Two plates of food and three beer. Logan didn't make an effort to push him for conversation, happy to let him eat in peace. Logan had finished long before Ghost and was petting and chatting with Ella in the meantime.

When he had finished, Ghost leaned back in the chair and watched Logan and Ella for a bit. His eyes wandered the flat every once in a while, taking in the decor. Logan had a collection of figurines he didn't recognize. He liked Sci-Fi, and had a large collection of books. The flat was also dotted with some Canadian memorabilia. A small moose statue, some pillows with maple leafs, some pictures that appeared to be from cities around the country, and of course, the flag. And his other flag. It made him anxious, though he couldn't explain why. Gaz was bisexual, he didn't care about that. He ground his teeth a bit.

"You heading back home later? Or back to the base?"

"Want me to leave?" Ghost asked.

"Nope. Just curious." Logan flashed him a disarming smile.

"Gaz has offered his couch for the night. Will walk home tomorrow."

"Mind if Ella stays here tonight? I can give you a key to get in in the morning, you can leave it on the counter before you head home."

Ghost sucked in a deep breath and thought about it.

And thought about it some more.

"Yeah." He finally agreed.

It wasn't long after that, that Ghost fired off a text to Gaz to let him know he was on his way up. Logan handed over a spare key and the two fell into an awkward silence. Ghost looked down at the man. His hands fidgeting at his side.

"The food." He looked away. 'just say thank you' he told himself. "It was.. I just…"

"You're welcome, Simon." Logan said. Momentarily forgetting Simon went by Ghost.

Ghost stood there silently for a moment to process the slip. He said nothing in the end, nodded, and made his way up the stairs.

Logan's phone dinged not long after he shut the door.

[pinewoodpipit]

so long, we become the flowers - Cowboy AU - Fic Midpoint Meta (Chapter 5)

Time for a new meta post for "we become the flowers", a.k.a. my cowboy au, now that chapter 5 has been released!

Here is a link to the first meta post for this fic, posted at the beginning.

Here is a link to the post-fic meta, posted after the fic was completed!

-

General thoughts

This, at the end of chapter 5, is where the fic was ORIGINALLY supposed to end. In the original storyline, there was a time skip after this to the end. That ending is still there, but it’ll happen at the end of chapter 9. There’s still more story to be told here and I’d be remiss to leave it out. That said, there's a chance the fic will get longer... we shall see.

Fade’s attack was hugely existential for her and she fully accepted she was going to die to the point where her first thought upon waking up was “I’m dead” instead of thinking she’d been saved. After her brother’s death, she’s come to see wolves as a completely inevitable death. We will learn more about his death later and why it was so traumatic for Fade. She was extremely lucky to be found quickly enough to be saved, although the infection was very serious and was not something easily recovered from.

The timeline of their separation was left purposefully vague. I didn’t want to make it too exact how long they spent apart, but it went from mid-spring into late summer before their reunion in chapter 5. Nathaniel woke and told Neon the truth a couple of weeks before Fade was found in the clearing, so Nathaniel, while still weak, is up and about and is well enough to help Fade recover.

-

Scandal

Nathaniel’s acceptance was him giving his blessing for Fade and Neon to be together. Neon would be annoyed by the idea of needing blessing, but do remember this story is set in the 1800s, albeit a fantasy version of the 1800s. I won’t include any homophobia or transphobia in this story as I have no interest in reading or writing about that as a queer trans person myself, but I do think the courting culture would be something I’d be remiss to leave out. It adds TENSION with the constant fear of your public image and the need for other people’s approval. It’s like Austen books in that way; there’s a lot of social ramifications for scandal and I think it’s important to include that in an AU like this.

As such, Neon getting into bed with Fade is VERY scandalous. The forehead and knuckle kisses from earlier chapters alone would be scandalous, too. An unmarried couple, even one who have been given the blessing of their parents, should NOT be even kissing on the lips or being too physically affectionate until they’re wed. If they were seen sharing a bed before their wedding day they’d cause a huge scandal. Luckily, Nathaniel isn’t exactly going to tattle to anyone if he sees them doing this and he knows his daughter well enough to know she’s probably doing shit like that anyway. They’re smart enough to know they shouldn’t do things like that in public, so as long as they don’t go too crazy and upset Nathaniel, they’re safe to be as scandalous as they like behind closed doors.

-

Grief as a theme

I write grief a lot. It’s a common theme in my work and while it’s difficult and painful to cover, it is something extremely personal to me as it’s something I’ve been dealing with irl for.. quite some time, now. Grief is also the reason I got into Valorant to begin with, although I won’t go into more detail about that.

Chapter 4 in this fic is probably the hardest time I’ve ever had writing grief. It was so exact to the kind of grief I’ve been coping with - anticipatory grief of a parent - that it hit incredibly close to home and that was… very painful. I’m really proud of how that chapter turned out, but it definitely took quite a bit of time to get it done because it was a lot to deal with, emotionally.

-

Music

I’ve decided to just share the playlist for these fics now instead of listing every song, haha. It’s less private, but it’s also considerably less work, and most of my Spotify stuff is private from my page, anyway.

Here is the post where I shared cowboy au’s playlist!