#this story’s just so personal to me. I feel like I ripped out a chunk of myself and smeared it all over the page

[dahldahlbills]

would you look at that :]

just hit 50k in cryptids wip :’)

[maythedreadwolftakeyou]

(DATV thoughts with spoilers ahead; i think my tags will keep it filtered but just in case it doesn't since i dont want this in the actual game tags)

i just... man. i don't have a well formulated thought for this yet (and its my PERSONAL OPINION and other people can feel as different as they want, this is not an attack) but it keeps bouncing around my head, so. i know the popular thing right now is coming up with in-universe justifications for The Pantry Almost-Kiss Scene in ways that imply Lucanis didn't mean it/it doesn't represent him as a person/he was Faking It.

and i just don't like any of them. they make me sad!!!!!! i don't like the idea that one of the like 4 romance scenes we get in this game is him Pretending in some way, even if he does at that point like Rook back at least somewhat. None of the justifications i've seen make me feel Better about that being the point where we declare him as a romantic interest, which is what it is in the game, functionally. It doesn't lock you in yet but that point IS where the game says "they will take your flirting more seriously now". I did those same scenes for Davrin, Emmrich, and Taash and this is the formula the game uses (the "interrupted almost-kiss/confession" happens for almost all of the companions).

so if the answer for Lucanis' is "actually he stopped because he Didn't like what he was doing/feel that way yet" or that he felt he had to pretend for Rook's sake... it's kind of a letdown you know? esspecially when it comes right after what seems like an actually authentic moment (dispelling his "perfectly gathered clouds of doom"). Because, at that point in the game from my/Rook's perspective, it was like he finally was reciprocating. It made me hope that he'd acknowledge whatever was between him & Rook more in future scenes, especially because you get so little else from him at any other point, in terms of flirting back/showing you he IS interested. like up to that point I felt kind of bad for continuing to flirt at him, when he'd just change the subject right after! if someone did that in real life i would take it as a hint to stop. This is pixels and not real people so I didn't but they have done "reluctant/fearful interest" better in other characters if that's truly what they were going for in this one.

so after finishing the romance and getting the rest of content... idk. I don't like saying "one of the major chunks of characterization we get needs to be Thrown Out Actually because he was Pretending". because it's not like he or Rook ever actually address it in game--you just don't get to talk about feelings until some dialogue choices only in the act 3 romance scene, and then his speech at endgame (not even a full conversation, so much as his personal declaration). like it takes until the VERY end of the game for him to say the thing about "he was afraid to want you", but that comes after you've already hooked up, even.

I think truly what annoys me is that it's a story choice that can only make sense in HINDSIGHT not AS PLAYING. Only once you have all the scenes can you say "this one is out of character" and then you either have to accept it as bad writing, or come up with some in-universe justification to explain it... and so far none of the in universe ones feel good to me. i wish they did because maybe then I'd be less annoyed, rip. but at the end of the day i think even if there was some intent there, it was a poor choice for his story arc, because it doesn't effectively convey anything... and the reason why we can project a lot of different explanations onto it is simply because it is never addressed again (and again, Lucanis Dellamorte is NOT A PERSON he is a CHARACTER used to further a story for you the player, and so the reasons I don't like this choice are story-level and not a dig at how real life people feel or act).

So yeah at the end of the day. that is simply not a narrative device I would ever personally use in this way on a player/reader. certain kinds of hindsight revelations have their place (see: what the devs tried to do with Varric though I also think that falls apart on close inspection, but at least it has justification in-universe), but for a romance it just makes me embarrassed for Rook. In a game where you don't have nearly as many back-and-forth conversations with characters and have to resort to eavesdropping on them talking to each other, it's sad that one of the like 5 times you actually get to talk to Lucanis one on one we're maybe supposed to believe he wasn't being authentic, and also that Rook can't respond to this ever. It would be different if it had any kind of follow up, imo. or honestly as i've said before i would rather it have been swapped out with something entirely different or where we get to talk about their feelings instead, before i get labeled as one of the "people mad he's not Zevran 2.0/a sexy latin sterotype".

But having to step back to player-level analysis versus in-character analysis when looking at his whole romance arc just feels sloppy. but i'd much rather stick to "bad writing" than "intentional character choice" in terms of how to interpret the scene I guess, at this point, for poor Rook's sake. and i know people disagree with when I've said that before bc as much as I love Mary Kirby in other areas, she has said many times that she doesn't like writing romance, and I think it really does show here. As much as I love Lucanis and the scraps we got I wish I didn't have to do so much filling-in-the-blanks on our own.

[aritsukemo]

Paradise | Chapter One - Cruelty | KNY

Summary: All is well in the Kamado Home until tragedy strikes..

Warnings: Descriptions of blood ahead. One of the main characters ( Y/n ) has a panic attack. First scene involves needles and scalpels and the character gets their skin ripped open! With all that said, read with caution!

A/N: Thanks to all the love and support I've been getting recently, I've gotten the courage to post this! This story is a very special piece to me as it's been stuck in my head for around..four, maybe five years now? ( I started the thought process of it sometime around the time the demon slayer anime came out ) This story is actually the reason I started writing, but I haven't posted it until now because of..perfectionism reason.. It's not much right now, but if you like it, please support it over on Wattpad! ..Or not and simply support it over here! ( Or don't! You simply taking the time to read this means a lot to me! )

Tagging: @overluvsick, @nursedflowers, @jspidey5 + anyone who wants to be tagged! <3

Next Chapter

First Person, ???'s Pov

 "Father, please! Stop! It hurts!" A needle invades my flesh as my protests contort into a sharp scream. It booms off the dank walls after leaving my mouth and bounces back to echo into my ears as if to mock me. The man that towers over me, my father, his breath is ragged and hot as his grip on my arm tightens.

 "Stop resisting!" He shouts. Although, I'm more focused on my arm that's slowly numbing over from the lack of circulation. I yell at him, pleading for him to let me go but he doesn't listen and instead grabs his scalpel. The steel gleams ominously in the light but I barely have the time to process the sight before it digs into the flesh of my arm and tears my skin open.

White, searing pain radiates through my arm as crimson drips onto the floor. Tears blur my vision and flows down my cheeks like a waterfall, snot drips from my nose and mixes with the blood on the floor. A brief, high-pitched scream leaves my lips followed by a choked sob. My father doesn't take much mind to my reaction.

 "Still not the right color.." I hear him mumble. There's some commotion from him as he uses his free hand to search for something on the shelf closest to him. After a few moments, I feel smooth glass touch my lip and before I even realize it, I violently flinch away.

 "Drink it!" He yanks me forward and in the process, accidentally spills a small chunk of the substance on my lips. I gag at the smell but in the process I subconsciously dart my tongue out and run the wet muscle over my lips. I nearly vomit at the taste. My father doesn't seem to care.

"Open your mouth!" He shouts, "Just drink it and get it over with!"

"No!" I yell back, "It tastes digusting!"

 "The taste doesn't matter! Just swallow this as fast as you can and--!"

 "No!" I swing my arms and twist my body, trying my hardest to escape his grasp, "No, I won't! You can't make me no matter what-!" My words get cut off by my own gags as my father wraps his calloused hands around my throat and gives it a threatening squeeze.

 "Drink it damnit!" He brings his thumb up to force my mouth open, "If you'd just get it over with you wouldn't be suffering so much right now!"

My hand comes up to grab his wrist as my head moves away as best it can while it's still in his almost suffocating grip, "Why are you doing this to us? We didn't do anything wrong!"

 "I never said you did!" He clenches his teeth, "Just drink it already!"

 "No! I told you already, I'm not drinking that!"

Suddenly a tired, almost sorrowful sigh leaves his lips as he pulls away from me completely. I look at him with wide eyes but he looks back with one that's indescribable to me.

 "You leave me with no choice then.." He reaches for something just out of my eyesight as my trembling figure backs away from him, "Remember that you brought this upon yourself."

 "Dad.. What are you.. No. No! Get away from me with that-! Stop! Please!"

"Stop!" My body jolts up and my hands shoot outwards, pushing the person in front of me with an unnecessary amount of force. There's a tumble that I just barely hear over my erractic breathing.

A few moments pass. The tightness in my chest becomes less constricting, allowing me to breathe a little better and amidst this, the warmth of someone's touch envelopes my shoulder.

 "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you.." A gentle voices reaches my ears and as if a drug was injected in my veins, my muscles instantly relaxes. That suffocating feeling in my chest ceases to exist and I'm able to breathe comfortably again.

 "You were thrashing around so much it made me worry," The warmth moves along my clothed skin and up to my naked cheeks where soft fingrtips brush away stray tears that had escaped from me without my knowing.

Kie's asks, "Are you alright, Y/n?"

As my vision clears and I can finally see her clearly, sitting on her knees and brows knitted from worry, I mumble out, "Yeah.. Yeah. I'm fine, Kie. Don't worry."

 "Are you sure?" Her question comes out almost immediately and each word that left her lips were filled with nothing but worry, "If there's anything I can do.." As she trails off, I bring my hand up, softly peeling her hands off my face before wiping away the excess tears clumped along the waterline of my eyes.

 "I promise, I'm okay. You just startled me.. No need to fret over it."

Kie's lips thin into a line. It's clear that she doesn't believe me but to my luck she silently decides to drop the conversation and gets up.

 "If you say so," She says, her eyes keenly watching my every little move, "Tanjiro is waiting for you outside."

 "Alright," I run my hand through my hair, letting out a sharp wince when it gets caught in one of many tangles, "..I'll be out in a few minutes."

Third Person Pov

 "Morning," Y/n says as she walks out of the hut, successfully catching the attention of a certain black and burgundy-haired boy. He looks back at her, his ponytail swaying a little as his red eyes meet hers.

 "Good morning, Y/n!" Tanjiro greets with a smile, causing the girl in question to mirror his expression, "You ready to go?"

"Yeah, Let's.." Y/n's smile drops as she nears him and notices the smaller girl that stands behind him, her expression blank, "What is she doing out here."

Tanjiro's smile falters for a moment as his brows knit together to form a nervous expression, "Well—"

 "Tanjiro," Both Y/n and Tanjiro look back at the call of his name. Kie walks out of the hut, a dirty cloth in hand as she walks past Y/n and up to her son, "Your face is covered in soot. Let me help you with that."

She gets down on her knees and puts the cloth to Tanjiro's cheek, "Are you sure you want to go down the mountain today? It'll be dangerous with all of this snow."

Tanjiro nods, his left eye closing as his mother rubs his cheek with the cloth, "I want us to have a good New Year's where everyone can eat as much as they want without worry."

Kie smiles, her eyes softening, "How thoughtful of you.."

 "I'm still waiting on your explanation on why she's not inside," Y/n says, interrupting the moment that was shared between Tanjiro and his mother. She crosses her arms and rest them against her chest, looking at him with expectant, irritated eyes.

 "Well.." Tanjiro begins, scratching the back of his head as he flashes her a closed-eyed smile, "Sumiko will be going down the mountain with us."

 "Like hell she will," Y/n retorts almost immediately. Tanjiro half expected the answer but even so, her instant rejection to the idea still makes him frown.

 "No need to be so angry with him, Y/n," His mother steps in, standing up and turning to face her with a carefree smile, "After all, it wasn't his idea. It was mine," She confesses.

Y/n's eyes snap over to Kie, her vexation faltering, "..Why?"

 "Sumiko needs some fresh air," She replies simply, "She hasn't struck a fever in a few weeks so now is the best time for her to go out and experience the world."

 "She doesn't need to 'experience the world', what she needs is to get back in bed and rest. I mean, look at her!" She points at her sister who's droopy, absent eyes stare at a nearby tree, "Does she look the least bit better?"

 "Yes," Kie replies. Not sparing the girl a glance nor seeing a reason to, "To me, she looks miles better than she did before. She's practically glowing."

 "You didn't even look at her," Y/n deadpans. Pinching the bridge of her nose as she shakes her head and groans. Kie doesn't seem fazed, still smiling sweetly at her.

 "I know you're worried about your little sister, but it's not fair to keep her cooped up in the house when she's clearly getting better."

 "She has a tendency of being inconsistent with her health," Y/n reminds, "Plus it's freezing. Her condition could worsen if she tags along."

 "That's a likely possibility, but I think it's for the best if she went with you," Kie's eyes trail over to stare at the blue-eyed child with a loving gaze, "It'll help her both physically..and mentally. I can feel it."

Y/n's eyes trail back and forth, staring at Sumiko, then at Kie, then back at Sumiko, her eyes flashing with confusion before she finally gives in and lets out an exasperated sigh.

 "I guess I can humor this for a bit," She grumbles something incoherent under her breath before muttering, "If her health gets worse because of this, just know I told you so.." Kie's smile widens.

 "Thank you," She says, and just as that breath of thanks leaves her lips, the sound of children's laughter grows louder as it nears the hut. The noise catches everyone's attention immediately and as they turn their heads to look back at the hut, they manage to catch Shigeru and Hanako running out of it.

 "Tanjiro!" Shigeru yells as he runs up to his elder brother with his sister in tow, "Are you and Y/n going down the mountain together today?"

Hanako runs up to Sumiko and scans her up and down with curious, perplexed eyes and after a moment, the realization hits and Hanako lets out a loud gasp.

 "Is Sumiko going too?" She asks in which Tanjiro nods his head. Hanako frowns at this.

 "Hey, no fair!" She whines, "I wanna come too!"

 "I'm sorry sweetie, but you can't." Kie butts in, "You know you won't be able to keep up."

 "Awh, come on mom!" Shigeru pleads. Backing up his sister as his bottom lip juts out in a small pout. Eyes drooping and creating a look akin to a sad, pleading puppy dog. Alas, it does little to sway his mother and she shakes her head.

 "Tanjiro won't be able to use the cart today so he won't be able to give you a ride when you're tired. And, it would be too much on them to have to watch you two, Sumiko, sell charcoal, and do whatever else they may have to do," She explains. Shigeru groans. His face scrunching up in disdain as his sister appears crestfallen beside him.

 "Hey!" Tanjiro softly exclaims, catching both of their attention, "Don't be sad guys," He smiles, "We'll bring back some yummy snacks for you."

At the mere mention of delicious treats, both Hanako and Shigeru's expressions brighten. Their previous looks of disappointment erased from their faces as if they were never there to begin with.

 "Do you really mean it?" Hanako asks, grinning from ear to ear, "Don't eat them all on the way back, alright?" Shigeru adds, his face mimicking his sister's.

Still smiling, Tanjiro straightens his posture. His hand coming up to rest over his heart as he closes his eyes and says, "I promise to eat not one snack, no matter how hungry I get on the way back home."

Shigeru laughs, both amused by his brother's sudden serious stance and happy about the promise of treats in a few hours. Hanako lets out a giggle as well but her laughter quickly dies down as she looks over at Y/n and Sumiko.

 "You two gotta promise as well!" She says, "Those snacks are for us only!"

 "Eh, Sumiko's not one for sweets anyway," Y/n mumbles under her breath before saying in a slightly louder voice, "We both swear not to touch your snacks no matter how good they smell or how hungry we are."

Satisfied, Hanako lets out a gleeful 'Yay!', her hands clapping as she bounces up and down, "Don't break your promises, okay?"

 "Wouldn't dream of it," Y/n replies. Kie doesn't say it aloud but she notices the girl's eyes softening as she said that. It makes her smile. Yes, Y/n can be a stickler about certain things but when it came to her family, she was a big softie. Whether she was aware of that fact or not remains partially unknown.

 "Hey, Takeo!" Tanjiro exclaims after spotting his spiky-haired sibling walk out from the side of the hut, "Do me a favor and chop as much wood as you can for me, okay?"

His younger sibling huffs, pulling his hatchet back to rest on his shoulder, "Yeah, I was already plannin' on doing that. But.." He pauses, his eyes darting away from Tanjiro and looking off at nothing in particular, "I was kinda hoping we'd chop wood together this time.."

Sensing Takeo's disappointment, Tanjiro walks over to him with a gentle smile displayed on his face. He pats his head, "There, there," He says, ruffling his hair. Takeo's frown deepens and he groans loudly.

 "Hands off," He grumbles, swatting his hand away. Tanjiro retaliates by attempting to ruffle his hair again but Takeo quickly stops him by grabbing his wrist. Takeo asks, "Seriously, what's with you all of a sudden?"

 "You're blushing, Take'!" Shigeru blurts out, pointing his finger at him. Takeo snaps his head in his direction, looking at him with wide eyes filled with embarrassment.

 "Huh..?!" He drawls loudily, "Shut up, you brat! You're seeing things!" Tanjiro plants his hands in Takeo's hair once more, his smile even more lax as he messes with his hair again, "There, there," He repeats.

 "Cut it out!" Takeo shouts only to be followed up by everyone else's laughter which makes him groan again. Y/n watches the sight with an unreadable expression on her face. Sumiko stares, but the absent look in her eyes give her away; she wasn't there and was most likely trapped in her own tangle of thoughts.

 "We should get going now if we want to be back before nightfall," Y/n reminds. Tanjiro looks over, finally retracting his hands from his brother's head, "Yeah, you're right." He looks over at his family, "We should go."

As Hanako and Shigeru nods their heads and Takeo responds with a small 'Yeah,' Tanjiro walks past Y/n and up to her little sister. He looks down at her and grabs her hand but she doesn't react at all to it, allowing him to trudge her along as he walks up to Y/n, "Let's go,"

 "Wait," Kie says and, of course, both Tanjiro and Y/n halt. As she walks up to them, she shoots them a brief, apologetic glance before focusing her attention on little Sumiko. She crouches down, her covered knees sinking into the thick snow beneath her as she adjusts the large scarf around the girl's neck so that it covers the bottom half of her face better.

 "I'm sorry for doing this to you," She cups her face, her skin serving as a pale contrast to Sumiko's cold, pink cheeks, "And in such weather as well. To make you tred down this mountain even though you've only been better for a few weeks.. It's selfish of me." She pulls her forward, encasing her in a warm embrace as she leans in close to her ear, whispering as she continues, "But for some reason.. All of my thoughts are screaming at me to go against my better judgement. So please..stay safe."

To Kie's surprise, when she pulls away, Sumiko's staring at her. Her eyes are surprisingly attentive which catches her off guard, "What's wrong?" Y/n asks after seeing Kie's shock on her face, but Kie quickly stands to her feet and replies with, "Oh, it's nothing. Have a safe trip, you three."

Y/n raises an eyebrow at this but decides not to question the interaction between the two and turns on her heel. Tanjiro walks up to Sumiko and grabs her hand again, quickly following after Y/n as his family shouts their goodbyes and waves until they're no longer in sight.

 "Tanjiro!" Not too long after beginning their journey down the mountain, the trio runs into Nezuko. Tanjiro smiles upon noticing his sister and Y/n's face bears a small grin. Sumiko remains unfazed.

 "Hey, Nezuko," Tanjiro greets as he walks up to his sister, tugging Sumiko along with him which she quickly notices. Her smile drops and her face now holds one of perplexment.

 "Are you going down the mountain to sell charcoal with Sumiko today?" She questions. Tanjiro nods, "Yeah, and I even convinced Y/n to come with me today." He says as Y/n finally walks up to them.

Nezuko looks over at Y/n, her smile returning, "I see. Well, I'm definitely surprised. Usually you prefer to go down the mountain super early in the morning before anyone else wakes up. Did you agree to tag along when you found out Sumiko was going?"

 "No," Y/n shakes her head, "Actually, I agreed to go with Tanjiro because he wouldn't stop asking me yesterday. I only found out Sumiko was coming this morning and the only reason she's coming with us is because Tanjiro and Kie managed to talk me out of making her stay."

 "Really?" Nezuko tilts her head a little to the side, "Why is that, Tanjiro?"

Tanjiro uses his free hand to scratch the back of his head, his brows knitted together and a crinkled smile displayed on his face as he responds, "Well, mom thought she could use a break from home and since her health has been improving lately, I agreed to take her with us."

 "Hm.." A look of worry appears on Nezuko's face for a brief moment, "I guess that's fair.. Make sure to look after her well," Tanjiro nods his head, "Don't worry, we will."

 "Rokuta's fast asleep. Did he manage to wear himself out on your walk?" Y/n points out, cutting away from the previous topic as she stares at the little boy laying on Nezuko's back. His small body covered in the thick, white cloth ( Onbuhimo ) that's wrapped around the both of them.

 "Not exactly, but I had to put him down for a nap regardless," Nezuko says, "After dad passed, he's been glued to Tanjiro's side. If he realizes he left, he'd throw a fit," She explains, Tanjiro's eyes noticeably soften.

Y/n comes closer to Nezuko, her hand reaching behind her to pet Rokuta's head. He fidgets ever so slightly and nuzzles into Nezuko's back some more, still asleep. Y/n's small smile returns, disappearing soon after she retracts her hand.

 "We should get going. Make sure to be careful on your way back up the mountain," She says, "It was nice seeing you, Nezuko," Tanjiro adds. Nezuko's smile widens.

 "It was nice seeing you guys too," She says as the three of them began to walk away, "Be safe and make sure not to overdo it, especially you, Sumiko!"

 "Ah, Y/n! Good morning!" An elderly woman who was sweeping snow from her porch greets the girl after noticing her arrival to the village, "For a second, I started to think you were finally going to take a day off since the weather has gotten so bad."

 "Not a chance," Y/n replies, "A little snow would never stop me," The woman chuckles, "I see that now.. Oh!" Finally noticing Tanjiro, the woman's expression changes to one of surprise, "Tanjiro's here too? I can't believe you came down the mountain on a day like this. You and Y/n are such hard workers!"

The woman's brows furrow, "Why is Sumiko here? Shouldn't she be resting in bed?" Y/n shoots Tanjiro a dirty look, crossing her arms as she waits for him to explain the situation. Tanjiro doesn't seem to mind.

 "Sumiko's health has been taking a turn for the better recently so we thought it would be good for her if she got out for a little," He explains, but the woman doesn't seem pleased with his answer. If the frown on her face wasn't obvious of that fact.

 "Isn't it a bit too soon? And letting her out of the house today of all days, what was Kie thinking?" She says, mumbling the last part more to herself than to them.

 "I know you're worried, but it's going to be alright. Me and Y/n are going to keep a good eye on her," Tanjiro says. And, although the woman's expression doesn't change much at all, she says, "Well as long as you two are watching her, I suppose I don't have much to worry about.. Make sure she doesn't get hurt while she's here."

 "We won't, I promise," Tanjiro says.

 "Hey, Y/n!" A man calls, catching her attention, "Are you selling charcoal today? I'll have some!" Another man pokes his head out of his window, "Ah, Tanjiro! Good to see ya'! Thanks for fixing my sliding door the other day!"

 "Y/n! I'm glad you came down today!" A dark-haired women says, a smile on her face as she asks, "Can you look after my children while I run an errand?"

 "Can you sweep my porch?" A younger, short-haired lady asks, smiling sweetly.

 "I'll take some charcoal!" A young man shouts.

 "I'll pass, but could you two help me move this furniture into my house?" An old man asks and just then, a boy comes bursting out of a nearby home. He runs but doesn't make it far before he's roughly snatched up by the shopkeeper who comes chasing after him.

 "Tanjiro!" The boy yells upon spotting him, "Thank goodness you're here!" Despite the resistance from the shopkeeper, the boy manages to wiggle his way out of her grasp, fumbling up to Tanjiro with blood dripping from his nose.

 "What's wrong?" Tanjiro asks, turning his attention to the boy on his knees before him, "I've been accused of breaking this plate! Can you help me out and sniff it?" The boy replies desperately.

Complying to his wishes, Tanjiro bends over and gives the plate a good sniff. He then straightens his posture, both brows raised as he says in a simple tone, "I smell a cat."

The laugh the village boy lets out after Tanjiro says that is one filled with joy and relief and as he turns to look back at the shopkeeper, his grin is wide and toothy, "See? I told you!"

The shopkeeper in question brings her hand up to her chin, muttering, "So it really was a cat.."

 "I told you I didn't do it!"

 "Now that that's done.." Tanjiro mumbled, his eyes panning over to Sumiko. Y/n had long left them to help out some of the villagers, leaving him alone with the eleven year old.

 "Hm, what should I do.." He thinks, "I know I used the excuse that she could help me out with selling charcoal, but will she really be able to..?"

 "Tanjiro!" Someone calls, snapping the boy from his thoughts, he looks over to see an older male calling out to him, "Can I get some charcoal?"

 "Sure," Tanjiro says. But just as he begins walking over, he stops, glancing back at Sumiko before looking down at the charcoal and then walking back up to her. He puts the charcoal in her smaller hands which, although her reaction was delayed, catches her attention.

 "Come on," He urges softly, being as gentle as ever as he nudges her in the direction of the man's home, "Let's sell our charcoal together."

 "It's already so late.. How did the day fly by so fast?" Tanjiro asks as the three walked the snowy trail back up the mountain.

 "I told you we should've left sooner," Y/n says in which Tanjiro looks at her and smiles, nodding his head in agreement.

 "Well next time, we'll definitely listen to you."

 "You say 'we' as if this is going to be a common occurrence."

 "Is that bad? I was able to sell a lot more charcoal thanks to you and Sumiko's help," Tanjiro says. Y/n rolls her eyes.

 "Sumiko didn't sell anything. All she did was follow you around and stare at nothing."

 "That's not true. She sold a few pieces," Tanjiro defended, but Y/n didn't seem impressed. In fact, she didn't look like she believed him and although her reaction was understandable, it was still disheartening to Tanjiro how little Y/n seemed to believe in her little sister..

 "Hey Tanjiro, Y/n, Sumiko!" They all stop. Turning his head, Tanjiro is met with the sight of Saburo, one of the villagers that lived on the outskirts of the village.

 "Oh hey, Mister. Saburo," Tanjiro greets, "What're you—"

 "It's too late for you three to be traveling up the mountain. Come inside, you can sleep here for the night," He offers. Tanjiro opens his mouth to politely refuse the offer but Saburo quickly cuts him off, shouting, "Don't argue! Just get in here..before the demons show up.."

Despite everything, Tanjiro still wants to refuse him. Although he really appreciates the offer there was really no point in staying the night here when they were almost home..

 "Tanjiro," Tanjiro turns to look at Y/n as she rests a hand on his shoulder, eyes widening at both the serious expression on her face and the heavy scent of fear that surrounds her being.

 "I'm..pretty tired from everything I did in the village, let's rest here for the night," She begins walking down the small hill, along the pebbled stone pathway that led to his front door. Murmuring something about explaining the situation to his mom when they get home in the morning.

As he watches her disappear into the small home, Tanjiro looks over at snowy path that led up to his home. It was quite the venture, but if they were really determined, he's sure they could make it home within the same hour..

But at the same time, it's not often that Y/n admits to being at her limit so maybe he should—

 "Hey!" Tanjiro jumps a little, sharply and quickly turning his head to look back at the hut where Saburo is once again peeking his head out the window, scowling, "You two get in here already!"

Guess he has no choice..

 "Alright, we're coming," Gently tugging her along, Tanjiro and Sumiko walk down the pebbled path that leads to Saburo's home.

Hopefully his family won't be too concerned about them arriving home later than intended..

 "Thank you for the meal!" Tanjiro says as he sets his chopsticks down on top of his bowl. He then takes a sip of his tea, holding it in his hands afterwards and harboring a distant look in his eyes as he stares down at the green liquid inside.

After barely touching her food, Y/n had quickly made herself a makeshift bed out of pillows and blankets and had long went to sleep. Sumiko, who finished her food before everyone else, had ended up falling asleep against the wall near her sister, leaving Tanjiro alone to pester Old Man Saburo.

 "Hey, Mister Saburo, what are demons like?" In all honesty, Tanjiro didn't really believe this talk of demons. It was far-fetched, fantastical, and just hard to believe. Even so, the mere mention of it managed to completely capture his interest.

Without much to any hesitation, Saburo begins, "Demons are man-eating creatures that prowl around at night. That's why you shouldn't walk around when it gets late," He pulls out a futon, walking over to Y/n's sleeping form and laying it out besides her. After setting a pillow out he walks over to Sumiko, bringing the small girl into his arms and carrying her over to the futon where he tucks her in.

 "If you're done eating, go to bed. You can set off as soon as day breaks," Saburo says taking one last glance over at Sumiko before getting up. Tanjiro gets up and slides into the futon on the opposite side of Y/n, eyes wide open and showing no sign of sleepiness.

 "These demons.. They can't come inside, can they?" He asks, staring up at the ceiling as he awaits for an answer to his question. Saburo grabs his smoking pipe ( Kiseru ) and holds it in his hand, replying in a simple tone, "Yes, they could come in."

 "Then what's stopping them from coming in and eating everyone?" Tanjiro asks. Saburo doesn't respond immediately. Deciding to bring his pipe to his lips, inhaling the fumes before letting it slip from him in one, long exhale.

 "Demon hunters protect us at night by slaying as many demons as they can. Always have, even way back when," Saburo finally answers only to then tap his smoking pipe against the edge of a large, stony bowl, emptying it's contents into it.

 "Go to sleep," He suddenly repeats, but this time he follows it up by cutting the lights off. Tanjiro complies to his wishes and closes his eyes, thinking to himself, "Mister Saburo is all alone after losing his whole family. He must be so lonely.. I'll bring my brothers and sisters next time and say, 'You don't have to be scared. There are no demons. You're safe.'"

"..But come to think of it, my grandma used to say the same thing when she was still alive.."

The wind seems to have picked up a little since last night. As they walk, the chilly breeze sticks to their skin, stinging their faces like a slap in the face and leaving redness in their wake. Despite this, none of them seemed fazed by it. With Y/n leading the charge, the three hiked the treacherous mountain in tranquil silence. The icy wind blowing being the only sound heard between them.

 "Hey, Y/n," Tanjiro suddenly speaks up, "Can I ask you something?"

Y/n hums, a little surprised albeit she didn't show it, "Sure, what is it?"

The wind seems to blow just a tad bit stronger, as if trying to warn Tanjiro of the mistake he's about to make. Alas, the warning falls upon deaf ears and without much hesitation, Tanjiro asks, "What was your life like before my father found you and Sumiko?"

The silence that Tanjiro is met with intially is a bit disheartening, but it doesn't last long before Y/n answers, "Nothing interesting. We lived with our parents and when they passed suddenly, I fled home with Sumiko in my arms and.." She trails off as if the wheels were still turning in her head, as if she was struggling to remember the events that happened to her, "..Well you know how the rest goes.."

But is that really the truth, he wonders. He's not very certain of anything, but this smell that clings to her. The unusual amount of anger, sadness, and guilt that has mixed and meshed together into this heavy, uncomfortable scent that makes Tanjiro's heart sink.. A smell like this wouldn't- shouldn't exist if one lived a simple life like Y/n claims..

But for some reason, she feels the need to hide what really happened to her from him. Does she think he wouldn't be able to handle it? Is it something that she fears he would judge her for? If that's the case then he needs to change that view she has of him because it's just not true! No matter what it is, no matter what has happened in the past, nothing she says could ever make him think differently of her!

 "Y/n—!" Tanjiro halts. A grotesque scent hitting him like a truck, rust overwhelming him to the point it burns his nose and throat. The sickening scent that's like no other. The smell of..

 "Blood!" Y/n stops in her tracks, looking back at Tanjiro with knitted brows.

 "What are you talking about?" Y/n asks only for her eyes to widen at the fear-stricken face she's met with. Tanjiro lets go of Sumiko's hand, which catches her attention, and without another word begins running up the snowy mountain trail.

 "Tanjiro, wait!" Y/n calls after him, but it's too late. He was already too far away to hear her voice. Or maybe, he purposely ignored her. Maybe the scent was so strong that he panicked and tuned her out, primarily focused on finding out its source.

Either way, she knows she needs to catch up with him. Fast.

With sharp movements, she turns her head and runs up to her sister, "Why are you still standing there?" She yells, roughly grabbing her thin wrist before yanking her along, "Move your ass!"

There's this familiar feeling swelling in her chest. Was it fear of the unknown? Sadness for what she knows is to come? Maybe the dread of uncertainty? Whatever it is it's strong. So strong that as she sprints up the mountain, her stomach twists and curls, giving off this strong sense of nausea. Thank the heavens she barely ate last night, otherwise she would've puked by now..

She hopes- no, prays that everything's alright. That everything was the same as they left it and that Tanjiro was just overreacting. It has to be. There's no way one of her worst fears have manifested into reality. There's just no way..

They have to be fine. No way something happened to them.

How could this have happened?

As if a nightmare had forced itself into reality, the first sight Y/n got when she finally made it up the mountain was a pool of blood staining the snow in front of the hut the Kamado's called home with the familiar bodies of Rokuta and Nezuko lying in the middle..

Tanjiro was on his knees, shouting their names and throwing out questions while frantically nudging the corpses of his siblings. Y/n stood there, motionless and in shock even when her sister slowly moved forward, looking as if she was watching the scariest movie of her life.

Still shaking his sister's shoulder and yelling her name, Tanjiro turns his head and freezes. As the sight slowly burned itself into his memory, it felt as if the world, that had already began crumbling, came crashing down onto him. It felt as if someone squeezed his heart and made it stop beating for a moment or two..

There inside the hut, which was painted from the roof to the floor in crimson and smelled like battered flesh and rusted, decaying iron, was the rest of his family. His mother Kie, his younger brothers Takeo and Shigeru, and his younger sister Hanako all laid lifeless on the ground, their faces and body splattered in their own blood and their blank, pupil-less eyes burning holes into him.

At some point, Y/n and Sumiko had walked over. Tanjiro didn't care enough to look up and gaze at the expression on their faces. Most likely it was similar to his own distressed one.

And just then, he felt something. A slow, weak drum, thrumming against the skin of his sister's neck. A pulse. A faint one but a beating pulse nonetheless.

Wasting not another second, he hauled Nezuko's limp, bleeding body onto his back and got up, "What are you doing," It was meant to be a question, but Y/n's words came out more as an angry demand. Tanjiro didn't care, answering her in a hurried breath as he began running.

 "Nezuko has a pulse..! I- I can still save her!" Y/n's eyes grow wider. She was still alive? Soon after Tanjiro began his descent down the mountain, Y/n followed after him and then Sumiko followed her.

 "Tanjiro, wait!" Y/n called after the boy when she finally caught sight of him. She sped up as best she could with the slippery snow beneath her feet, "There's no point in doing this! She's lost too much blood!"

 "Don't say that! I can still help her!" He shouts back, but his mind was elsewhere. How could this have happened? Did a bear attack them? They should be hibernating at this time of the year, but anything is possible at this point!

As he stumbled over a fallen tree, it gives Y/n the perfect opportunity to catch up to him. She hops over the wood, planting her sandals deeply into the snow so that she doesn't slip, taking large steps so that she now runs beside him. As if she was simply going through the motions, Sumiko hopped onto the log and took a huge leap forward, only stumbling a little when she landed a little ways behind the both of them.

Tanjiro was heaving at this point. The air was icy and when he inhaled, it felt as if the air transformed into little needles. The pain in his lungs only added onto the tears that were already bubbling in his eyes.

 "Tanjiro! Listen to me!" As Tanjiro's pace begun to slow, so did Y/n's, "She's beyond saving! I know this is hard to accept, but you need to snap out of it and face reality!"

  "No!" I won't let her die, he thinks, "I'm not giving up on her!" I refuse to sit and do nothing and let Nezuko die! I'm going to save her no matter what! "How can you give up on her so easily?"

 "I'm not!" She snaps, neither of them noticing Nezuko's hand twitch and tense with life, "You're trying to run away from the inevitable! It's going to take you forever to get to the village in this weather! Hell, you'll probably pass out before you even make it halfway there!"

Slowly, Nezuko's head lifts which goes completely unnoticed, "There's still a chance! Even if it's a small one, it's better than nothing! Why are you trying so hard to—" And in that moment, Tanjiro's words are cut short as Nezuko throws her head back and starts letting out throaty growls. She grips Tanjiro by the shoulders and began rocking wildly which is all it takes for Tanjiro to slip on the snow and right off the edge of the side of the mountain.

Oh no, Tanjiro thinks before a series of screams come tumbling out of his mouth. Y/n's eyes grow wide and her hand flies out to grab at Tanjiro. She slips on the snow at the same time Sumiko jumps to Tanjiro's rescue which causes their bodies to collide roughly..

As Sumiko's body was forced in another direction, Y/n throws her arms up and over her face. Her eyes clamp shut as she fell at high speeds, and when she finally hit the snowy ground, a rush of pain shoots through her. The breath she sucks in is sharp, almost painfully so.

She lifts herself with one arm slowly, the snow that had latched itself on her clothes silently sliding off and back onto the ground which is barely noticed by Y/n as she's more focused on her other arm, specifically her throbbing wrist.

 "Nezuko!" She blinks and quickly looks up, her eyes darting around until she finally spots Tanjiro and Nezuko standing a handful of steps away from her. Both seemed to have recovered from the fall quicker than she did.

 "Nezuko! Are you alright?" Tanjiro calls to his sister once more. Y/n watches, but her eyes stayed trained on Nezuko. As her tattered haori slipped off her shoulders, revealing the dried blood sticking to her kimono, the girl remained motionless. Tanjiro didn't seem to care, but it bothered Y/n, especially after what just happened.

 "You don't have to walk!" Tanjiro take one small step forward as he continued, "Let me carry you.." He trails off as a firm grip on his shoulder catches his attention. He look back and Y/n's standing there, looking at him with scrunched brows.

 "Don't get any closer," As her eyes trail over to Nezuko, Tanjiro notices a new scent surfacing that leaves him puzzled; a scent of fear dressed in sadness, "Let's..go find Sumiko. I lost sight of her when I fell."

What? What is she saying? "But what about—"

 "Forget about her!" Her voice raises with urgency and force that has Tanjiro jumping as a result. Y/n notices and takes a breath to calm down, but in doing so, it makes her trembling more apparent, both in her limbs and tone..

 "Now's not the time to fight, we need to get out of here," Is all she tells him. But all it does is makes Tanjiro more and more confused. Nezuko was standing right there! She was still breathing and even standing! They have the chance to save her! Why is she acting so cold towards the situation? And..why does she seem so scared of Nezuko?

Furrowing his brows, Tanjiro's face bares a look of pained disbelief, "How can you act like Nezuko's nothing to you? To me? I.. How can you act like she isn't your sister too!" As those words echoed in her ears, Y/n loosens her grip and Tanjiro shoves it off his shoulders. He turns, running towards his sister before Y/n can grab him again.

As he naively approaches her, Y/n calls out for him once again. The last warning he got. Before he could even call her name again, Nezuko looked up, angry veins protruding from her skin, eyes gleaming with hunger, and sharp fangs baring for all to see. He could barely process the sight and before he knew it, Tanjiro was laid against the snowy ground and his hatchet was in between his sister's teeth as she forced all her strength onto him.

Y/n hadn't moved a muscle. She simply stared, wide eyed as her breathing labored. As Tanjiro and Nezuko struggled in the snow, Y/n remained unmoving. Memories flashed. Imaginary blood filled her vision until they were replaced by her very real tears. Her chest tightens and her nails dig into the skin of her other arm. The lifeless faces that were burned into her memory stared into her soul before they were replaced by the image of blood painting the snow and Tanjiro laying in the crimson art; lifeless, decaying, and staring into her with those dark, cold eyes. Her lungs begun to feel heavy in her chest and her mouth falls open. Small, quiet wheezes are sucked in along with the freezing air around her. It does little to fill the sudden emptiness in her lungs..

Meanwhile, Tanjiro stares up at his younger sister, sweating bullets despite the below-zero temperature and his eyes wide, fully showing off the fear in horrid surprised that covered his deep red pupils. 

"Hey, Mister Saburo, what are demons like?"

"Demons are man-eating creatures that prowl around at night," He pulls out a futon, walking over to Y/n's sleeping form and laying it out besides her. After setting a pillow out he walks over to Sumiko, bringing the small girl into his arms and carrying her over to the futon where he tucks her in, "That's why you shouldn't walk around when it gets late."

Tanjiro's heart stills in his chest, "Nezuko's a man-eating demon? Impossible! She's been a human ever since she was born! But..she no longer has Nezuko's scent."

 "But Nezuko couldn't have done this! When we found her, she was laying as if she was protecting Rokuta, and there was no blood on her mouth or hands," Nezuko's newly sharpened nails dig into Tanjiro's shoulders, feeling like knives against his skin. He grits his teeth, "There was another one.. There was one more scent!"

A small gasp slips unsuspected from Tanjiro as he watched in horror as Nezuko slowly tensed and grew in size. As she became double his size, Tanjiro's arms buckled under the newfound weight and strength. Nezuko's fangs grew an inch closer to him.

Y/n's body trembled and her tears began to build and crumble and fall in clumps down her tingling cheeks where they inevitably drop from her chin and splash on her clothes. The only thing she felt in the moment was her swallowing anxiety and the the slight stinging in the wrist she landed on earlier; one being much more intense than the other. The breath she hastily inhales grow thinner, quicker, and dries in her throat as soon as it enters..  

 "While I was sleeping peacefully.. You were being brutally murdered with the rest of our family. It must've hurt really badly.. You suffered greatly, didn't you?" Tanjiro's guilt knits his brows together as it strangled his chest with an iron chain. Little tears began to form along the waterline of his eyes, "I'm so sorry I couldn't save you.. I'm sorry I couldn't save any of you.."

 "At the very least, I wish I could save you, but you're too strong for me to push back..!" As his arms started to numb over, his now thick tears slid down his cheeks and Tanjiro screamed as loud as he could muster with his burning lungs..

 "Nezuko! Hang in there, Nezuko!" His voice cracked. He shakes his head as he keeps eye contact as best he can through his blurred vision, "Don't give in! You gotta hang in there!"

Soft, quick feet plant their steps into the snow, crunching it in a fast succession and nearing the dire situation completely unsuspected.

 "Don't turn into a demon! Please, stay strong! Hang in there!" An aching pain seeps into his poor bones. His arms'll give out soon, "Please! You gotta hang in there, Nezuko!"

A big tear drops onto Tanjiro's cheek. He gasps once again and more tears drop onto him and slide down his cheek. Nezuko, with humane confliction soften her once slitted gaze, stared down at her older brother with big, gleaming wet tears dropping from her pretty pink eyes like a leaking faucet.

A figure slowly appears in the distance. Despite his fast approach towards them, no one seems to notice him. In a blink of eye, a gust of wind blows through Y/n's hair as he passes by her and leaps into the air. 

Nezuko looks back, finally noticing the new presence from above, but she's not able to react before her older brother grabs her by the throat and pushes her over. He rolls over and seconds before he rolls again, gleaming blue metal slices away a portion of his hair in an instant.

The blade collides with the ground with an intense force despite the snow cushioning it. It blows a gust of wind and snow towards the siblings and the two go tumbling together until Tanjiro's back hits a tree with a harsh thud. Y/n's heart stills in her chest as her hair blows in the wind behind her, every part of her body tingling intensely from both the cold and the overwhelming feeling that clouded every inch of her being until a few moments ago.

Tanjiro can feel Nezuko's body shrinking back to it's normal size, but he's more focused on other things. As he opens his eyes, his attacker is revealed. There, standing tall with piercing blue eyes darkened like the deepest depths of the ocean, was a man with raven black hair.

 "..Who's that?"   

As the man locks eyes with Tanjiro, Tanjiro immediately breaks it. His eyes drifting down to the katana in the man's hands; the words 'DESTROY DEMONS' engraved on the side of the shining blade. Is he some kind of swordsman?

 "Why are you protecting it?" The blue eyed swordsman asked in a blank tone of voice. Tanjiro sits up as he asks this, holding his sister close to his chest.

 "She's my sister!" He yells, "My younger sister!" As those words leave his lips, Nezuko seems to awaken from her temporary unconsciousness. And as soon as she does, she immediately attempts to flee, growling up a storm as her brother held onto to her shoulders for dear life and called her name. The swordsman's eyes narrow at the sight.

 "You call that thing your sister?" He asks simply with not a hint of emotion on his face to give away how he's feeling. Tanjiro looks at him pitifully before looking away to focus on his sister once again. A mistake on his part. 

The swordsman suddenly lunges forward. Tanjiro gasps, closes his eyes, and immediately drops down to cover his sister with his body. Alas, as his eyes opens, she's gone from his grasp. He looks around in a panic. His eyes finally settle on the sight of the swordsman standing a couple feet away from him, holding his growling sister's wrist behind her back with one hand.

 "Nezuko!" Tanjiro calls as he stands to his feet, "Don't move!" The swordsman orders, his voice loud but even. Tanjiro has no choice but to comply.

 "My job is to slay demons. Needless to say, I'm going to decapitate your sister," He speaks plainly. Tanjiro's heart feels as if it'll beat right out of his chest at this point.

 "Hold on!" Tanjiro hurriedly shouts, "Nezuko hasn't killed anyone!" As he speaks, Nezuko thrashes around, her hair swaying wildly, "Back at my house, there was another scent that I've never smelled before! Whoever that smell belonged to is probably the one who killed my family! It wasn't Nezuko!"

His voice dips, "..I don't know why she's turned into something like this, but.." He takes a step forward, his voice raising again, "..But still!"

 "It's quite simple. Her wounds were exposed to a demon's blood. That's why she turned into one. That's how man-eating demons multiply." The swordsman states.

 "Nezuko would never eat humans!" Tanjiro blurts out, "You've gotta be joking. Just now, she was about to devour you."

 "You're wrong! I'm sure she knows who I am!" 

 "I won't let her hurt anyone!"

 "I'm going to turn Nezuko back into a human! I swear, I'll heal her!"

Word after word spews from Tanjiro's mouth in succession. Promise after promise slipping from his lips only to be shot down by the swordsman's finishing voice as he says, "She can't be healed. Once you become a demon, you can never go back to being human."

 "I'll find a way no matter what! So please, don't kill her!"

 "I'll hunt down the one who slaughtered my family!" As Tanjiro shouts and the wind picks up, the swordsman raises his sword, "I'll make everything right! Please!" The swordsman tilts it downwards, the tip of his blade nearing Nezuko's neck with a threatening glow to it's tip, "Don't do it!"

Y/n's eyes keep trailing from the swordsman to Nezuko to Tanjiro then back to the swordsman. At last, she can feel the air entering her lungs. She breathes in and out slowly. That insufferable suffocating feeling has just about disappeared. She bites down on her tongue and her face scrunches, her eyes narrowing with frustration. She wants to run, just like she did last time, she wants to flee from the situation.

No, at the very least, she should get Tanjiro out of here. Yeah, that's the least she could.. Huh?

As her eyes drift over to Tanjiro once again, she watches as he drops to his knees, hands planted in the snow as he bowed his head to the ground and speaks in a loud, choked up voice, "I'm begging you! Please..! Don't kill my little sister!" He practically sobs out, "Please, don't do it! I'm begging you.."

A moment of silence passes. Y/n's eyes look over at the swordsman. He hasn't moved, completely frozen in place with his blade pointed at Nezuko. Another moment passes. Y/n notices the swordsman drop his head, his unruly bangs falling over his eyes like a sliced up curtain. His jaw locks and forces his teeth together as they grind and create a low, uncomfortable cracking sound. His body begins to tremble and for just a moment, Y/n mistook it for sorrow until he suddenly looked back up, the dark coloring of his irises lighting up with fury as he starts shouting at the top of his lungs.

 "Never leave yourself so defenseless in front of an enemy!" Both Tanjiro and Y/n's bodies jump a little from the sheer power of his voice, the pure rage that coated it, "Stop that pathetic groveling! If it were even the least bit effective, your family wouldn't be dead!"

 "How can a weakling like you, who bows down when it's time to fight, who can't take initiative.. How can somebody like yourself cure his little sister or even find the enemy?"

 "The demons might know a way to cure your sister!" He swings Nezuko forward with force, still holding onto her with one hand tightly, "But don't you think for even a second that a demon will respect your whining or begging or your will or wishes! Naturally, I have no respect for you, either! That's reality! "

 "Why did you throw yourself over your sister earlier? Was that supposed to protect her? Why didn't you swing that hatchet? Why did you show your back to me?" At this point, Tanjiro's sitting up on his knees, staring with surprise reflected in his teary eyes. The swordsman redirects his blade at last only to aggressively point it at Tanjiro.

 "All those blunders led to your sister's capture!" Nezuko's growls become all the more hostile and persistent as she begins kicking her feet around which causes the snow under her feet to fly every which way, "I could've skewered her and you along with that girl over there and been done with all three of you!" 

 "Don't cry. Don't despair. Those things will do you no good. Your family is dead and your sister has become a demon. Your heart is crushed. I know your pain, how you must want to cry out.. If I'd come half a day sooner, your family might have survived. ..But there's no way to turn back time.."

 "Fill your heart with anger. Strong, pure anger that cannot be quelled. Anger that becomes the unwavering force that will drive your limbs," The swordsman's sword raises into position again, "With such fragile resolve like yours, you can't protect your sister or heal her.." He slowly pulls his arm back, "..And weakness and empty promises certainly cannot avenge your family!"

 "No!" With one final yell from Tanjiro, the swordsman forces Nezuko back and stabs the chilling steel of his blade into the soft flesh of her shoulder. She lets out a painful cry and that seems to be the last straw for her older brother.

 "Stop!" He yells before throwing a pebble. The swordsman retracts his sword and deflects it with a simple flick of his wrist. Immediately, Tanjiro gets up and as the wind picks up and blocks his view of the swordsman with the thick, scattering snow, he makes a run for his hatchet. Y/n stays sat, rooted in place.

Running around, bypassing the countless trees around him, Tanjiro chucks another pebble before disappearing by a tree. The swordsman sidesteps and the pebble hits the tree behind him. With a loud battle cry, Tanjiro charges at the swordsman, his hands at his side, ready to swing. Y/n simply watches, dumbfounded, frozen in place in the snow.

 "A simple, head-on attack driven solely by emotion.. What a fool!" Clenching his teeth, the swordsman raises his sword and swings down. His hilt hits Tanjiro's back with excruciating force. Tanjiro bites his tongue to hold back a scream as his vision blurs. Y/n merely watches as he hits the ground, his body limp, unconscious. Nezuko stares at her brother laid out in the snow, mouth agape.

The swordsman straightens his posture, his arm falling to his side, "Where's his hatchet?" He thought to himself and as if to answer his question, a whirring sound makes him look up. His heart skips a beat and he moves his head just in time for the hatchet to hurl into the tree behind him with a thud. A moment of silence passes. Both Y/n and the swordsman share a similar expression of surprise as their eyes both lock onto the hatchet that's stuck into the tree, a literal inch away from the swordsman's head..

 "Just before he hid behind the tree, he hurled the rock towards me and, at the same time, tossed the hatchet into the air," The swordsman's eyes pan over to the boy laid out before him, "He hid his hands as he pretended to attack so I wouldn't realize he was unarmed."

 "He knew he couldn't beat him, so his plan was to bring him down after he struck him. But.." Y/n's uninjured hand balls into a fist, paying no mind to the freezing chunk of snow in her hand, "He failed.." 

At that moment, Nezuko lets out a particularly violent growl. Having completely thrown off his guard, the swordsman lets go and Nezuko immediately kicks him away. The swordsman quickly recovers. Nezuko lunges for her brother.

 "Damn it.." The swordsman thinks, "No, Tanjiro!" Y/n cries out, "She'll devour him!" They both think.

 "Nezuko.."

Sliding on the snow, Nezuko moves in front of her brother, crouching down. Flashing her fangs and growling threateningly. Arms up and protecting him from the swordsman.

 "It wasn't Nezuko! She'd never eat humans!"

Nezuko launches herself off the snow and sprints towards the blank-faced swordsman, He jumps back, "Long ago, someone once said the same thing, only to be devoured soon after.."

 "When a demon is starving, it will even eat its parents and siblings because they need the energy. I've seen it countless times," The swordsman's eyes train on Nezuko's kimono, which is stained by her own drying blood, while he dodges her sharp nails that claw at him, "She's wounded. It costs her energy to heal those wounds. Not to mention the strength it took to transform into a demon.." Nezuko swipes at the swordsman's face only to miss as he spins and elbows her in the stomach. He then forcibly palms her in the chest causing her to stumble back, "She must be severely starved at this moment and wants to eat human flesh as soon as possible.."

 "Yet, she protected him, turned her anger to me, and even intimidated me."

Jumping high into the air and flipping into the tree behind the swordsman, Nezuko pushes herself off the wood using her feet. She hurls downwards, nails ready to claw open whatever part of the swordsman she can get her hands on. The swordsman steps back and slides his sword into the sheath on his hips, "These siblings might be different from others.."

And with that, the swordsman lands a firm chop on the side of Nezuko's neck. Her body twitches before falling limp and right into the snow. Y/n's heart drops at the sight of both siblings laid out on the ground. A second or two passes and the swordsman's gaze falls on her. She sucks in an icy breath and blinks; the swordsman has disappeared from her sight.

In a panic, she whips her head in every direction. Before she can look back though, a pain shoots through her neck and her entire body goes numb. As her vision blurs, her eyes look up to gaze at her perpetrator. The last sight she sees before everything goes black is the strange mismatched design of the swordsman's haori..

A loud gasp slips from Y/n's lips as her body jolts up. The sound of her uneven, quickened breathing is the only noise that she can hear. Slowly, she opens her eyes. It's blurry at first, but it fades in no time and the familiar sight before her leaves her puzzled.

She looks around. There are futons of varying colors laid out on the floor, specifically six aside from the one she's in. They're striking patterns catch her attention. They remind her of Tanjiro and his siblings. Speaking of which..

There's no sign of anyone anywhere. Not the swordsman or Tanjiro or Nezuko. She seems to be in the hut of the Kamado Residence but..everything seems fine. There's no blood, nothing's destroyed, no bodies to be found..     

She finally notices. Her wrist feels..fine. She looks down. It doesn't seem to be swelling or irritated anymore. She's sure she sprained it or worse when she fell on it earlier. Earlier.. Did earlier even happen? Was it all a nightmare?

She breathes in slowly and closes her eyes once again. Images flash one by one. Everyone falling from the cliff, Tanjiro being attacked by the newly transformed Nezuko, the swordsman, the corpses— Y/n sucks in a particularly sharp breath. Best not think about that..

 "Even here, you still run away."

Y/n's eyes shoot open. She sees herself staring her down, scrutinizing her, judging her.

 "When will you realize that you can't escape fate? That simply running away does nothing for you?" The person speaks in her voice, but the strong tone they're using breaks away the illusion. This isn't her. That much was obvious, but it feels..odd. It was as if this wasn't just some weird hallucination of herself..

 "Tell me, are you content with how everything has turned out? The innocent having been tortured and slaughtered and the lone survivor being forced into a world he was never supposed to be apart of in the first place? Surely it eats away at you."

 "Who are you?"

 "Earlier, when that boy was attacked by his sister, why did you sit there and watch? Why didn't you jump to his rescue? Were you hoping that his sister would kill and eat him?"

 "No, I—"

 "When that swordsman attacked the siblings and threatened to kill them both, why didn't you intervene? Why didn't you immediately jump to the boy's aid? Why did you allow him, a mere civilian, to risk his life to protect a demon? Why did you let your guard down? Why did you let that swordsman knock you out?" 

 "That's not my fault! Tanjiro was the one—!"

 "When will you stop blaming your own shortcomings on everyone else? When will you realize that being a coward will only present you with the same, devastating result? How can you feel okay going on with your life when you have the potential to save thousands from this cruel fate?"

 "I can feel your anger. Thatpure, boiling resentment that stems from your own sorrow and hatred of being so helpless in your current situation. You've felt this way in the past but decided to do nothing with it. Now that the chance has risen again, embrace it. Never let this feeling fade. Let it grow into this insatiable fury and let it drive you from this point forward. Use it to fight."

 "Because in the end, when you're fighting for the sake of everything you have left to hold dear, this growing rage is going to be the only thing you will be able to rely on."

 "And that's what he told me," Tanjiro said, his hand intertwined with Nezuko, who now seemed much calmer and has a bamboo muzzle wrapped around her mouth. 

Y/n's skeptical gaze and scrunched brows gives away her thoughts before she's able to speak them, "So a random guy with a sword tells you to go to some random mountain and meet this stranger you know nothing about and you're just going to do as he says?" Her tone of voice speaks every insult she doesn't say. Nevertheless, Tanjiro's mind doesn't waver for a second.

 "I know how it sounds, but I want to trust him," He says, "Even if we got off on the wrong foot, he seems like a nice guy."

 "He almost killed you."

 "And I'm sure he had his reason behind why he did what he did," Tanjiro raises his free arm and puts his soft, cool hand on Y/n's equally freezing shoulder. He decides to ignore how she slightly tenses under his touch, "I understand that you're worried about us, but I need to do this.. For Nezuko's sake..I need to take this risk."

 "I promise I'll stay as safe as I can and as soon as I get there, I'll find a way to send you letters—"

 "I'm going with you."

 "Huh?" Tanjiro pauses. Y/n places her hand atop of Tanjiro's and removes it from her shoulder, giving it a squeeze of affirmation as her eyes drift away. Her sights landing on the graves of their late family lined up in a neat row.

 "I said, I'm going with you," She repeats, "After everything that happened, it would bother me to let you go on alone. Especially with that reckless intuition guiding you.." She mutters. Tanjiro seems shocked at first, but it's soon replaced by a wide smile.

 "If that's what you truly want, then I won't stop you," He says, his hand squeezing hers back. His eyes sliding to look behind her, where their eleven year old sister lays against the hut, unconscious.

 "What are we going to do with Sumiko? It'd be wrong to make her go with us.." As Tanjiro says this, Y/n walks over to her, "She'll travel with us for now until I can find a place to drop her off," She responds. Her hand grabbing Sumiko's arm and throws it over her shoulder before doing the same to her other arm, pulling the girl onto her back and getting up with ease. Tanjiro waits for Y/n to walk back up to him before turning towards the slope of the snowy mountain..

 "Hey, Y/n.." Tanjiro calls.

 "What is it now?"

 "I'm sorry for what I said before, about you not caring about Nezuko. You noticed before I did, right? You were trying to protect me and I.." As he trails off, his expression grow somber. Y/n takes the expression in before looking back towards the slope.

 "I already forgot about it. You should focus on the journey ahead," She says, but Tanjiro doesn't seem satisfied. Noticing this, Y/n takes the first steps down the mountain, cutting the conversation short and leaving him no choice but to follow after her with Nezuko in silence..

Dividers were made by me, pictures used are from Pinterest, post formatting is inspired by @xxsabitoxx

[noceurstars]

”Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.”

Rupert Giles x Witch! Younger! Reader

You and the Scoobies try to have a normal Thanksgiving. Try, anyway.

[ w — age gap (20+ years), older man/younger woman, injured! reader, assumed unrequited love, short story, tv show-compliant only, slight canon divergence ]

— divider cred: @/inklore

Living above the Hellmouth meant that nothing would ever be normal. No holidays, no birthdays would ever be like the average person’s.

Thanksgiving and Christmas was the same. Monsters and creatures of the dark never took days off, not with their insatiable need to be evil.

Buffy sighed as she staked what was probably the 20th vampire of the night. Thanksgiving was a time to sit down with friends and family, having a lovely, large dinner and being thankful for the people in your life and the things you had.

But not for the Scoobies.

You huffed, rolling your sore shoulder. A vampire had taken a good chunk out of of your neck, but the second he tasted your blood, he instantly revolted, and you took a stake to his heart.

“You good?” Buffy asks, eyeballing your shoulder.

“Yeah.” But you hiss a little as pain flares through it. “It’s just gonna take a minute to heal. I’ll put some bandaids on it when we get back.”

Buffy cheerily and knowingly chips in a, “I’m sure Giles would disapprove.” That prompts you to give her a deadpan look.

“You know that he doesn’t like me like that,” you reply. You shove your hands into your pockets. “It’s a one-way street. Can we talk about something else?”

She shrugs. “Sure.”

The two of you walked side by side out of the graveyard. Buffy sighs, tilting her head down.

“I really wish Christmas could be normal,” she admits. “I miss it, from when I was a kid. It’s so much different from now.”

“Not as involved with monsters, you mean?” you say, and Buffy nods in confirmation. “Yeah, me too. I feel so… apathetic about it anymore. It doesn’t feel as important, as fun as it used to be.”

“Cons of being apart of the supernatural world,” she adds.

“Truly.” You laugh. “Not to mention—” A scream rips from your throat. Cold heat washes through you and up your spine, all the way up to your skull. Your head jolts back at the pain, and the cold heat leaves as the wooden stake leaves your body, now replaced by odd, liquid warmth.

Oh, you’re bleeding. Bleeding out, perhaps.

You heard the slaps and thuds of fighting as you fall to the ground. You try to have some semblance of control as you collapse in pain, but it doesn’t work. You bump your head into a headstone and more liquid oozes down your skin.

You hear the familiar hissing sound of dust. Buffy’s won. Now you see her over you, terror and fear written all over her features.

“[Name]? [Name]? You with me?”

You gulp, attempting to focus and swallow down the pain. “Kinda,” you hiss.

“Healing magic? Can it fix this?” she inquires hurriedly.

“Probably,” you reply, becoming more and more breathless.

“I’m gonna put pressure on it, okay? The second you feel any sort of clarity, start chanting.”

You let out a loud cry of pain, more blood coming out and staining your shirt. The pain signals the adrenaline in your body. It takes you a couple seconds longer than what you hope before you start chanting in Latin.

It feels strange, your body stitching itself back together. The strange feeling of blood coming out of your body disappears. You huff, the chant ending a minute later. Buffy takes her hands off the wound and you watch her examine it.

“How’s it look?”

“Looks good, head wound is gone, too,” she says. “But we need to get you back to the Magic Box. Giles and Willow might have something they can help you brew up to get you fully healed.”

You lean up using your elbows and hands. You take Buffy’s hand and let out groan of pain as you get to your feet. You two walk out of the graveyard and head to the Magic Box. You thank God it’s dark and no one can see you and your best friend walk through the streets of Sunnydale with her holding you up.

The Magic Box comes into sight not ten minutes later. Buffy uses her key to open the door, but neither of you expect to see the floor of the Magic Box completely cleared out, with a large, decorated table filled to the brim with food and drinks.

Xander is the first to turn his head up and see you and Buffy.

“Happy Thanksgiving, you guys!” he says.

“Happy Thanksgiving, Xander,” you speak breathlessly. And that’s when he knows something is wrong. His eyes trail down to your bloodied shirt and widen drastically.

“Oh, crap.”

“Oh, crap is right.” Buffy sets you down in one of the nearest chairs. “Get the others and tell them [Name] needs a healing potion… or some sort of healing magic. The wound isn’t as bad as it looks, but she needs help crossing the finish line.”

“On it.”

Xander heads to the back to get the others, who come rushing in not a moment after he gets them.

Unfortunately for you, all you can focus on through one eye (the other squinted in pain) is Giles, and the look of worry and concern on his face.

“She’s very pale,” Giles says. His voice is clearly worried. It almost seems borderline… terrified?

“Blood loss,” you say in a shakily exhale. “Healed, yes. Blood back inside the body? Not so much.”

“Can you do anything, Giles?” Buffy asks.

“Let me see the wound and we’ll see.”

You raise your shirt, showing off the nasty scar. It’s not fully healed, maybe three-quarters. You look away, eyes meeting Buffy’s, who’s expression is borderline teasing and full of amusement. You roll yours in return.

“Nothing out of my capabilities I can’t heal,” Giles says. He looks up at you and adds, “But I do have to touch it to heal it.”

You shake your head. “It’s fine.” The second Giles places his hand on the injury though, a large wave of nausea makes you shudder and groan.

“She looks like she needs a trash can,” Xander pipes.

“I’ll get one,” Anya offers, disappearing behind the counter momentarily to grab one. She places it next to you and you thank her.

Giles’ warm hand leaves your lower torso. The wound is completely healed, although you still feel faint from the blood loss. He looks at you again, scanning over your sick expression.

“I’ll be fine in a bit,” you tell, a smile appearing on your face. “I think some food in my stomach would do me some good. Thank you, Giles.”

“You are most welcome,” he replies, standing. “And I think you are absolutely correct. Shall we eat?”

Buffy nods and speaks for everyone’s hungry stomachs. “We shall.”

Dawn sits between you and Buffy. Xander, Anya, and Dawn are on the other side of the table. At the head of the table, between Xander and Buffy, is Giles. Just like a father should be, you think, humored.

“So… What happened? How’d you get such a wound?” Willow asks.

You and Buffy answer in unison: “Vampires.”

“Thought we were done and one caught us by surprise with one of the stakes,” Buffy explains. “[Name] used her magic, but she couldn’t heal it all the way.”

“Glad you both made it back,” Xander said happily. “This Thanksgiving dinner we put together would’ve been a total bust.”

Everyone laughs in agreement and digs into the food. Unknowingly to you, Giles can barely keep his eyes off of you, only looking away to take a bite of food off of his plate. Though he does try to it make it obvious.

Indeed, he’s glad you made it back. He’s glad he’s able to heal your injuries. Life would certainly be a lot more dull without you around.

But as Anya hands you the gravy, you catch Giles staring at you out of your peripheral vision. There’s a look on his face, one you know well, because it’s the same one Spike gives Buffy when she’s not looking.

You smile and raise your glass in a toast. “Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.”

Everyone raises their glass cheerily, downing a swig.

You thank this Thanksgiving for giving you hope. Even if it doesn’t last.

[upslapmeal]

Dot and Bubble

Ok so having two Doctor-lite episodes in a row is really making me think that The Devil's Chord would slot in nicely between 73 Yards and this ep...

ok straight up forgot to make any notes for the first chunk of this because I was having fun!

not to be incredibly basic but instant black mirror vibes

‘trust him it’s saved my life so many times’ except when you died babes

the person playing Lindy is so good at being rude and obnoxious in a way that makes you feel sorry for her and root for her to pull herself together

you can't. hmm. you can't walk without the arrows?

hon we know you're not a child but like. you can't walk. without the arrows

congrats to Ruby and Fifteen but not fully bursting out laughing though I guess the mavity of the situation must help

turn left! to get to safety!

oh Lindy you are so frustrating!!!

what an effectively infuriating portrayal of how we so often prioritise distraction over action on a global scale

but also it's definitely giving 'this important deadline is in a few hours!!!!!! going to watch some youtube'

Fifteen: I want to help you not die Lindy: stupid ugly blocked

these characters have truly excellent names

‘eaten’ Ruby and Fifteen 😬😬

‘I think he’s not as stupid as he looks’ RIP

….is this a city for white people? hmmmmmm

shoutout to the lady who walked straight into a lamppost in front of me as a kid like Lindy because we stepped out of a building, my mum did a big sigh because it was nice and warm, the lady turned to look and thus was not looking ahead

lady at least you know how to walk without arrows

'you’re SO good at walking’ lmao

‘I thought this was the worst day of my life but maybe it’s the best’ ‘……there’s still thousands of people being eaten alive’ Lindy babe. priorities. PLEASE

‘rocket ships and flame throwers and weed killers’ a true arsenal

if the dots are directing them to the slugs…did they let the slugs in? create the slugs? why not just turn into an Evil Flying Ball for everyone

I mean. then there would be no story so I'll let it slide lol

oh no. Lindy.

boy they are just totally unable to deal with anything negative

completely unequipped for things not working for them without there somehow being a Good Thing

oh lads. it is a city for white people

man

Ncuti is SO good

the disbelief and the rage and the sadness and the despair and

that’s why Lindy was so offended they were in the same room together

that's why Ruby got through to her when Fifteen didn't

that’s why Ricky was so annoyed at the Doctor explaining the code

they're not going to make it 5 days are they

and Fifteen's theme here is *chef's kiss*

Last week we had Millie's first ep and this ending was Ncuti's first scene????? Legends both of them. What an episode. What an ending. A lot of fun until it very suddenly Was Not.

[cbncb0280]

Deep Sensations (Tom Riddle X Reader - Smut)

Hello! Thank you for picking this out. I am an ex-fangirl of Tom Riddle so I wrote some smut of him and you instead. Don't worry, no kinky or absolutely revolting or highly detailed stuff will be included. I think I wanna start a Tom Riddle X Reader story soon on Quotev, but this'll be my first ever proper smut.

Btw, the reader is a Ravenclaw in this.

Warnings: 13+ smut, oral sex, and a lot of rlly rlly nice chunk, all rights reserved

Welp, my first ever proper smut, and I'm still up writing this around 1am and 2am! Enjoy!

You were in your common room feeling really upset. Your life was ruined. No one could ever love you as you were such a weirdo and you were unable to fit in.

There was only one person who could ever love you. And that person was the boy you fell in love with.

You were in your fifth year and all your friends had dumped you because you were perceived as 'different' to them and they were highly judgemental and gossipy people.

Tom hated them just as much as you did. You were both secretly together after all, but he had a secret he was going to tell you soon...

Boty of you were so much alike. Different, separate, smart people who were more interested in more useful things in life rather than a whole load of bullshit you tended to hear from your 'friends'.

But Tom was a Slytherin and you were a Ravenclaw. A nerdy Ravenclaw trapped in their own thoughts and world. That's what attracted Tom to you. You were different.

There was also something deep inside of you that lusted for something, but what?

Suddenly, you heard a knock at your bedroom door. Thankfully, you somehow had a whole room to yourself since your 5th year, now you were in your 6th year.

"Come in," you said.

The door opened and it was Tom. He looked at you with wide, lustful eyes. He felt so ready to do something to you which kinda freaked you out a little.

"Tom, what's wrong?" You asked him.

Suddenly, his eyes strangely softened. He loved looking at you. You were so beautiful. Your whole body was made just for him to make out with. This reminded him of your first kiss and how he made you moan so damn hardly.

Now this time had come. He was going to make you moan, cum and do all sorts of things with you.

"Y/N," Tom began, "I was just wondering if you, erm..."

This was unusual for someone like him. He sounded so soft and gentle compared to what he was before. Overall, you knew that he was a cruel and vindictive boy who opened the Chamber of Secrets, but you still loved him for goodness knows why.

Perhaps because of his amazing handsomeness and intelligence? After all, he was a model student who got top grades in absolutely everything and everyone simply adored him, making you envious of him.

"What do you want, Tom?"

"I- the time has come Y/N. I know you've been so desperate to have this, just like me. Let's do it, today."

You automatically nodded and went over to him to put your arms around him. Your lips smashed onto each others' and it turned into an exceedingly passionate kiss.

Tom lifted you up onto the bed, getting ready to pull all your clothes off and make you moan and cum.

"Tom..." you moaned while kissing him hardly.

His lips trailed from your lips to your jawline and neck, where he gave loads of kisses and licks and sucks that you had hickeys everywhere.

Suddenly, his hand went up your tights and he began to rub your soft spot through your pants. You immediately cummed and moaned, needing him and only him more than ever.

"Alright, time for an amazing night, my precious Y/N."

And that was it. He ripped your skirt, tights and underwead off, as well as your robes and shirt, then lastly your bra which made you blush deeply in extreme excitement.

"Hmmm, now what do we have here?" Tom whispered as he looked at those two perfectly shaped breasts ready to have their main purpose fulfilled.

Tom, while rubbing your absolutely soaking wet clit and putting his finger slowly up your best part began to suck those two desperate breasts and lick them as well. It felt super good for you to finally feel this waiting and longing sensation and now it had finally arrived.

He continued making you moan while he played with those two breasts made for him to do his dirty works with. Then he began to kiss your stomach and chest until he was just about to do the best part when you stopped him.

"Your clothes, Tom," you began.

Then Tom just remembered and you began to remove his shirt and robes as he took off his trousers, socks and finally the best part.

Then that's when the next time came. Slowly and steadily, he began to lick that wet and desperate part of you all around for at least a good thirty seconds or so. You couldn't help but feel totally wet afterwards.

You loved it and he continued to do it for a little while to see how amazing you tasted, until he stopped.

After resting on top of you and before it was time for the big thing, you slowly put your hand around his thingy and rubbed it a little to get a taste of him for a little. Until...

You stopped and he began to thrust inside of you. You both moaned while he did so and he kissed your neck and lips hardly while doing so.

Unfortunately, after putting his entire thingy through you, you felt a horrible pain.

"It'll be okay, Y/N. It won't last for long."

And Tom was right. You were the wettest person one could ever make out with and your private part was perfectly and just made for this. He felt very good around you and all those high extra sensitive nerves inside of you reacted hardly to it.

He played with your private part as he kept thrusting in and out of you, but always making sure he kept inside of you. You released lots and lots of orgasms and he released all those amazing chemicals into you onto those highly sensitive and super lovely nerves for you.

He carried on kissing and snogging your neck as you licked and kissed the left side of his. He carried on cumming inside of you for a nice while, until he was ready to pull out and to taste all those amazing chemicals you had released everywhere! Wow, what a mess there was!

Before he was about to do that, you both kissed each other on your lips passionately for a good minute and your tongues certainly met.

"Tom, that was amazing. Please, I need it again," you whispered to him then he put his finger on your lips and kissed them again.

"If you promise me one thing, Y/N."

"Anything Tom, my true love. What is it?"

"That we'll rule the world together."

Squealing with delight, you kissed him hardly again and agreed to him.

He needed to lick you first before you could enjoy another new precious smut. Goodness me, you felt super good and highly wet around him.

You had a fab great time as he licked you for a little bit everywhere again and he took your hands in his.

Suddenly, you both got prepared and ready as you rocked around each other and you began to kiss his neck and jawline, licking it that it made him moan hardly.

"Y/N..." he moaned, then you kissed his stomach for a little before licking and sucking his best thing on him for a little.

He rubbed your inside, putting a couple of his fingers through it while he enjoyed the fantastic sensation you gave him until the next smut took place and you both rocked around everywhere, kissing each other hardly on the lips, releasing chemicals and your highly sensitive nerves having such a great time with him inside of you.

From several weeks onwards, you did this at least twice a week during all those weeks and you did even more stuff with each other. You both never got bored and the more you did it, the more you needed it every time. All your worries went away as all this occured which is partly why you two did this.

Your nerves also got more and more sensitive to the feeling every time he kissed you on the lips and other places all over your body and as he did these amazing oral licks on your best part and thrusted inside of you every time.

But unfortunately, the time came when you both had to stop and got caught and in huge trouble with the school and your peers...

He made you pregnant...

A/N: AHHHHHH, CRAP HELL! IDK WHETHER TO REGRET WRITING DIS OR NOT! IT'S MY FIRST EVER PROPER SMUT AND IT'S PRETTY DETAILED, AHHHHHH!

I need to get sleep now. It's after 2am now and I wrote this for over an hour. I hope u enjoyed but I feel kinda creeped out by all this...

[artistnerd24]

(TLDR: I’m depressed that Jaiden is gone and now it feels like a huge chunk of my enjoyment of the server is gone. I completely respect ccJaiden’s decision to leave and am happy that the stream where I found her playing Qsmp led me to find such an amazing fandom and such a talented creator who I want to still watch in the future (seriously though, I would not have found her incredible animations if it wasn’t for that stream). I will probably be taking a hiatus from Qsmp though because now such a huge part of my experience is now gone and I realized how I’ve been prioritizing this over real life which has been damaging my mental health. I don’t know if I will return to the fandom or not (I probably will because I am way too addicted but it depends what life shows) but if I don’t, thank you Qsmp for allowing me to be part of such a great experience :D)

… just heard the news that ccJaiden is leaving the project and that qJaiden is dead…

I hope that ccJaiden feels better, I know how overwhelming Qsmp can get and I respect her choice to leave very much…

But… is it okay if I just feel very depressed now? Jaiden is who got me into QSMP, she has been my main for months and I loved her and her content and was planning to make so many animatic, arts, and fics about her (in fact she was one of my biggest driving motivators for it). She was truly such an amazing character. I loved her lore, I loved her personality, I loved Bubbleduo, I loved the Jaidens, I loved the idea of her and Empanada meeting… I just loved her character… she and her streams helped me feel better a lot… it’s the main reason why I’m still in the fandom… but now… with her gone I actually just feel like a huge chunk of my love for it has been ripped out, and I’m just sad. I’m sad that we lost her and everything that could have been in qJaiden’s future…

But hey! If it weren’t for me discovering her through a Qsmp stream that was recommended to me, I probably wouldn’t have become a fan of ccJaiden’s animations and probably wouldn’t even know about such an amazing creator! I’m happy that ccJaiden was able to be apart of this server and that now she will be able to do more stuff that she loves and doesn’t overwhelm her.

But as for me… I might take a hiatus from Qsmp for a bit…

If you look at my posts you probably knew how much I love Jaiden’s character and how she is probably my favorite thing about the server besides Gegg but he’s gone too…

There is a part of me begging me to not leave this fandom. I’m still in love with so many other characters’ stories like Tina, Tubbo, Phil, Bagi, etc.. But there has been so many times that situations and other events also just overwhelmed me and made me detached from real life and now with one of the main strings keeping me attached to the server gone… I don’t know if I want to still stay or not, so I think a hiatus would be good for me to just think things through.

Qsmp is truly such an amazing experience and like Jaiden said, Quackity has done so much and made something so very cool, but I think I just need some time away from it. Get back to real life again you know? I will probably be back, I’m way too addicted to these Minecraft cubitos leave, but in case I don’t… it’s been amazing to meet you guys and thank you for letting me be apart of this experience, it was incredible :)

[pedesthings]

Hoyoverse crossover dream and musings because my brain needs a break from logic

I had a dream that felt like some wacky kind of comedy. I was Genshin Impact's Venti (possibly human form, or just hiding). I somehow got involved with three other men and it was apparent one of us is there to kill another. There was some weird dialog including: Venti: "There's like, one person who maybe would offer 200 to kill me, but not 500 [currency]" 2nd guy: "Yeah similar here, 300 maybe, 500 tho?" Venti, to the 4th: And you sir, no offence, look like someone who takes minimum 5000 a hit, so there's no way you're here after either of us and I don't think anyone is after you." The moment the 3rd was almost convinced he's not really after any of us an old-timey mafia appeared and tried to kidnap us all, realized we're not who they are looking for and decided to off us just because. Somehow we managed to get on a cargo train (open cars like dirt/gravel) and they start shooting at us... and then a team of characters appears from the direction the train was going, coming to save us and massacring the mafia and some other murderous ppl (who also probably were after us, I felt like I was missing a large chunk of the "story")

From various clues (including Jane Doe coming to the rescue) I managed to get the main character lineup: 1. Genshin Impact's Venti 2. ZZZ's Seth (probably working undercover). 3. Honkai Star Rail's Sampo (also the one who mistakenly(?) thought he was supposed to kill one of us). (convincing Sampo he's not out to get YOU because you figured out someone paid him more than your enemy would feels very Venti XD) Which makes me wonder... who the hell was no. 4, who was calm and very polite if somewhat restrained. While he did not verbally agree with my "min 5000 of [currency] (a lot) a hit" he smiled in a way that suggested I wasn't entirely wrong.

So. For your entertainment. Some potential candidates and how fucked is your organisation if you were the one kidnapping them. Mind that we were all dressed in 1920's garb, so yeah, a suit and a nice hat for everyone. Genshin Impact:

Ayato Looks good in a '20s suit Smiled because he'd get you killed for free, but not personally. Rescue team: Thoma, Itto maybe? +AN ARMY?

Kaeya He's there investigating. Also protecting the bard because Diluc likes him for some reason. Rescue team: Planned: Eula and Jean Actually: Amber and Klee. BOOM!

Lyney Actually IS on an assassination mission Rescue team: Lynette judged and reported the mission failed and Father got involved so uh. RIP

Tighnari Not sure why he's there, I just think he'd look good in a suit Rescue team: so in theory gen. Mahamatra wouldn't kill you, just arrest you and bring you to justice. Alas, he's accompanied by the Hat Guy and that one doesn't care.

Wriothesley doing an investigation Slightly bitter grin because he killed for free. Rescue team: Didn't want one but Neuvilette sent Chlorinde just in case?

Zhongli an unassuming polite gentleman Oh he's so harmless, also possibly his shield is how the other three made it until the end Rescue team: Doesn't need one but you get Childe and Xiao for free maybe Cloud Retainer because I think it's funny

Baizhou Why would you bully a poor chronically ill man? Your right-hand man is convulsing. Nobody is sure what happened. Rescue team: I'd probably send Beidou, she would appreciate our pharmacist I think "Hu Tao shows up for Baizhou but not to help." - @wordsandrobots

Honkai Star Rail:

Aventurine The suit fits him so well. Rescue team: you mean extraction team, this is all part of a plan.

Blade Why haven't they shot him yet, he's been such a good target? Rescue team: Stellaron Hunters have entered the chat

Jiaoqiu He was just out buying some ingredients Half of your troops have mysteriously fallen ill. Rescue team: Feixiao and Moze. At least your death will be swift

Jing Yuan Was waiting to see what this is all about Rescue team: he IS the reinforcements (tho probably you can expect Feixiao and Yanquing, you only did this to yourself)

Screwllum: fits the profile. Smiled only to be polite, no assassination? Rescue team: a Herta comes to rescue because you are delaying the Simulated Universe project, she's very annoyed

Welt Yang Probably the reason Seth didn't get himself killed yet Rescue team: So, funny thing, there's another train. In the sky. Also, do you want orbital strike? Because that's how you get an orbital strike.

Dismissed characters: Really young and most of the shortstack ones because the mysterious gentleman was neither (shh don't point out Tighnari and Lyney) Ratio - wouldn't suffer Venti, Seth and Sampo combo for so long Argenti - "unassuming looking gentleman" yeah no not with the biggest of efforts he couldn't Boothill - Same as Agenti, if for different reasons. Also LBR he is probably part of the rescue team Gepard - pretty sure he'd react round the discussion about assassination and prices Moze - ...why would he smile? Alhaitham - "Don't get me involved in this..." Neuvilette - Neuvilette hiding incognito and ignoring the discussion of Sampo potentially assassinating one of the group.. yeaaah no. Lycaon - pretty sure I could tell if it was Lycaon in a (different) suit (I haven't done stories yet so I don't know: Loucha, Gallahager)

[staycalmandhugaclone]

If you're new, this all starts with Touch Starved - Echo! You can read this little chunk as a standalone, or head back to the beginning for the full experience!

Why do these keep getting longer?! I really need to try to tone it back a bit lmfao. References to Panic and Secrets Revealed.

Febuwhump Day 9

Found Footage (Alt) – OC&TBB – A pleasant moment at 79s is shattered when someone tries to blackmail doc with footage of the crash on Agamar.

Warnings: Huge PTSD warning here. Flashbacks, disassociating, past injury description, blackmail, grief, angst, some alcohol use (social, not abuse), cursing

WC: 6227

The lounges of 79’s weren’t meant to hold a group of six, particularly with a man of Wrecker’s stature, but squeezing into the circular booth was part of the fun, back reclining against the massive clone’s side with his arm absently draped over my chest while my legs sprawled over Echo’s lap to avoid the accidental stomp of the big man’s heel. Tech was squished on Wrecker’s other side as Crosshair had adamantly claimed the end seat.

“-so I ripped the whole ramp clean off and used it to barrel right through ‘em! Clanker’s never even knew what hit ‘em!” I’d heard the story before, but he was already halfway through his fourth mug of something that looked like a sunset and smelled like motor fuel, and the enthusiasm in his thunderous voice was infectious in its own right.

“Technically, the processing speed of B1-series battle droids would have made them fully capable of analyzing your assault well before their demise; however, inadequate maintenance of their internal tactical components has led to compounding decreases in-”

“Ugh! Come on, Tech! Those things can’t process the difference between a tauntaun and a tooka!” Wrecker interrupted, arm swinging so violently that Echo had to duck sharply against Hunter to avoid getting hit. I’d long since abandoned my drink for fear of the man’s expressive gestures knocking the glass from my hand or bumping me at just the wrong moment, but I found very little need for such things in moments like this. If I was drunk, I might not have noticed the knowing look Crosshair offered his annoyed brother, nor the fond exasperation in Echo’s weary gaze as Wrecker’s anticks surely reminded him of his late squad.

“Doc,” I quickly turned my gaze as Hunter’s voice just breached the chaotic rabble of the bar, “Think your comm’s going off.” He nodded to my waist. Wrecker barely noticed my struggle to push him back enough to reach down for the thin device. The quiet alert chimed at regular intervals to indicate a video message. Slipping it partially into a chest pocket, I shifted to begin the process of escaping from the mass of bodies around me.

“Probably some reminder to recertify something,” I guessed, “I’ll be right back.” The Sergeant was already standing to let me out, but I didn’t bother waiting for Echo to do the same, instead simply scooting over his lap much to his surprise, and I couldn’t help but snicker at how he froze in that half-second of movement. I didn’t hear Crosshair’s snide remark, but his laughter was almost as loud as Wrecker’s, and that alone was worth the chastising look Hunter gave me.

“You want one of us to go with you?” He asked, leaning close enough for me to feel the heat of his breath so he didn’t have to shout to be heard. Cocking an eyebrow, I shot him a teasing smirk.

“It’s 79’s, Hunter. I’ll be fine for five minutes.” His expression instantly darkened, as though the words actually had the power to jinx the scant bit of time I’d be out of sight. I bumped my shoulder against his chest with a quiet chuckle and started through the mass of identical faces masking vibrantly different personalities dancing and shouting and enjoying this moment of freedom to the fullest.

The sudden quiet that loomed just beyond the front doors was striking. I could still hear the booming music and raucous voices, but, with just a few steps into the cool night air, it faded enough to allow a displaced sense of stillness that felt almost wrong after so long in the roar of the bar. Dismissing the strange sensation, I slipped the half-concealed comm from my pocket and walked toward the ally for whatever privacy I could find before transferring the file to my datapad to watch the video.

I didn’t understand what I was watching at first; not consciously. I didn’t understand why the dance of blues and grays beneath the occasional flicker of red sent my heart racing, why the line of distant trees too grainy for anyone else to make out trapped the air in my lungs long after it staled. I tried not to recognize the insignia of that sleeping tooka shoddily painted in hot pink and baby blue below the red medic symbol on the stolen Separatist transport; tried not to feel the icy sweet seeping over my skin as my eyes automatically sought out the crumbled door that I’d nearly broken my arm to wrestle open.

I could hear the flames, saw the glow steadily spreading to illuminate every crack in the shattered durasteel hull as the engines flares from fuel leaking precariously through broken pipes; watched the trembling form tumble from the slim opening I’d only just been able to make through welded and ruined machinery. I heard my heart hammering against my chest, felt the chill of panic flood my veins.

“Emmy!” My body crumbled against the wall at the utter hopelessness in the electronic distortion of my own voice breaking through the speakers of my datapad; at the desolate wail that seemed to go on for eternity immediately after. I didn’t realize I’d screamed back then, but the video zoomed in to show my face, deathly pale from blood loss and shock, expression twisted into a grief that tore through me as violently now as it did then.

My mind absently categorized the injuries of the figure on the screen that I found myself almost convinced wasn’t me: burns marred her hands and forearms, the front of her flightsuit nearly covered in black despite the flame-retardant nature of the fabric, likely indicating severe damage to the flesh underneath it; blood covered the right side of her face, hair heavily matted and near black with it – a concussion at the very least; and the amount of crimson-stained fabric wadded around that ankle was enough to leave one wondering if there was enough flesh to be saved beneath it all.

“Emmy!” That figure crawled barely a meter from the wreckage before shrieking that name again. And again despite how her voice shattered and failed.

I didn’t notice the image blur; even if I had, I couldn’t tell if it was from the tears pooling atop my eyes or the violent trembling of my hand, knuckles gleaming white as my fingers gripped the device hard enough to make the metal casing creak.

She was clawing into the scared ground below her, spine arching as though there was some hope of guarding against the agony rending through her chest, body writhing as she cried, unsteady movements slowly dragging her further and further from the burning mass of twisted durasteel.

I didn’t notice the writing begin to creep over the top of the image, barely registered that the video had been sped up. It didn’t feel like it. It felt like I was trapped in that moment; suffocating beneath the overwhelming scent of fuel weighing down the air, body locked in a panic between shivering against the unbearable cold and the memory of that terrible heat; the sound my skin had made as I’d crawled atop blistering metal, and the sickening absence of touch where I should have felt dirt and pebbles and grass. I remembered the way my body convulsed in fits of agonizing coughes from that cool air sweeping down my raw throat; the heavy taste of copper each one brought with it.

Between the disconnect separating my mind from any reliable sense of time and the way the footage seemed to fluctuate between too fast and too slow, I couldn’t begin to guess how long I’d been left like that, weight held precariously atop my forearms as I screamed and screamed and begged for someone to help me; to save her…

When those figures finally appeared from the distant tree line, I immediately recognized Commander Wolffe, his rifle trained carefully on the visage of my ruin. Barely a few seconds passed before General Koon gave a subtle signaled for him to stand down. Wolffe hesitated a moment but didn’t object when the cloaked figure approached me. I don’t think I was screaming anymore, body absently rocking in time to the still rapid flutter of my heart.

“Miss?” I didn’t remember this either. “Miss, I am Jedi Master Plo Koon. Can you tell me your name?” I knew there’d been some kind of conversation between us, but the details had been lost to me. Wolffe stepped protectively nearer as Koon carefully touched his hand to my shoulder. My head jerked only slightly at first, movements disjointed, before managing to look up at the Jedi’s masked face, and the madness-fueled hope in my eyes shone clearly through the grainy recording, mangled hands desperately reaching up for him.

“Pl-please! Please!” I begged. Koon didn’t shy from my blood-stained limbs, even reaching out with his own for me to cling on to. “Help-he… help her! Please! Please!” The way my hoarse voice shattered through my raw throat made even the Commander flinch. Koon glanced passed me to where the flames were finally beginning to fade before turning his attention back to me.

“I am sorry… there’s no one still alive in that ship.” Even then, I’d felt no doubt for the depth of his remorse, and something about that sincerity robbed me of even the taste of denial, head shaking weakly, begging him for something I knew he couldn’t give. For a long while, he said nothing more, merely let me hold onto him as I broke, body shaking amidst fresh sobs as every hope of happiness I’d had was ripped apart.

“What’s your name?” Only after those hiccupped, shuttered gasps began to quell did he press, voice gentle, calm in a way that give some fleeting quiet to my frenzied thoughts, granting me enough clarity to answer him. Hearing him repeat it in that same calm tone a moment later was a balm, eyes slipping closed as I merely existed in the echo of his words. “Why did you come here?” My lips moved without thought, without trepidation of the consequences for the secrets I freely told him.

“We’re medics… we… we help after… heal the ones left behind… find them passage home.”

“You help clones?” He clarified, a note of surprise just touching his voice, and I watched my head nod listlessly in answer. “Why?” He asked, lowering himself more as though he knew how his very presence seemed the only thing allowing me the strength to speak.

“I… I believe in them – in what they’re fighting for.” He was quiet a moment.

“Then why not leave? Defect from the Separatists and join the Republic?”

“Emmy.” Her name ripped another sob from me, but the words kept coming, “She couldn’t leave her family… So this… this was the only way we could help.” His hand shifted slightly against my shoulder.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, and, in that instant, I’d known they were the ones who shot us down, and not for even a fleeting second did I blame them. This was war. We’d known the dangers. “I’d like to help you now, if you’ll let us.” He murmured.

I remembered thinking over that offer for a long while, remembered knowing I could deny him, demand they leave me there; that I would die on that field… or, I could join them; fight for the cause Emmy had died for. The faint nod barely registered on the small screen, but Wolffe stepped forward a moment later. My skin prickled at the cry that tore from my lips as he hoisted me over his shoulder, rifle still held ready before he and the General walked out of sight.

There was no pause of static or flash of black before the image of the freshly crashed transport returned to the screen, and my eyes remained trained on the blurry picture with the same obsessive attentiveness as though I was watching it for the first time, yet I somehow failed to notice those callused fingers slide over mine, carefully loosening my grip until he could slowly pull the datapad away. Didn’t matter. I continued staring at the space that screen had been, no longer needing the footage for my mind to replay it all over and over and over

“Doc?”

“Emmy!” That first, broken shriek seemed to ripple through me, stomach finally seizing. I barely noticed my body convulse against the violent heaves, mind consumed by the distant shrieks still crying from those speakers. Vaguely, I realized someone turned it off or silenced it or threw the damn thing into the seemingly endless cavern stretching out below 79’s platform. Still, I didn’t need that recording to hear them. They’d been seared onto my consciousness, and I would never unhear them.

Some distorted rumble of an almost familiar voice sounded near me. I knew that voice… I knew… no… Emmy! Was someone touching me? Help-he… help her! The terrible memory of that night replaying in my mind sounded more real than the speech of whoever stood before me.

“We need to get her off the street.” Please! Please!

“There is an inn two clicks from here.” Emmy!

“Why’s she breathin’ like that?” I’m sorry.

“She’s in shock – potentially disassociating.” The scent of burning flesh.

“Five soldiers try to get in a cab with her like that, someone’s going to ask the wrong kind of questions.” The feeling of razors in my throat as I screamed.

“Well, we can’t stay here, Crosshair, so go with Echo and find us transport.” What’s your name?

“Tech, who the kriff did that come from?” The roar of flames and taste of fuel.

“I’m already tracing the connection, but it may take a few minutes.”

“Doc? Come on, Doc, try to come back.” Some fractured corner of my mind recognized the face leaning over me, felt their hands gently grasping my cheeks, but I couldn’t see them beyond the wall of twisted durasteel that I somehow needed to break through before the flames burned me alive.

“She don’t look so good.” Pl-Please!

“When you find who sent it”

“I’ll overclock their processors and short out their coolant systems. If there happens to be security measures in place for the door to their server rooms, I think that may also experience a spontaneous failure.”

“Wha’s that mean?” The terror in that split second before forcing my ruined ankle into the brace.

“He’s going to set their computers on fire.”

“Courtesy of Rex – I’ll owe him a pretty big apology next time I see him, but I doubt he’ll notice until after we’re long gone.” Those voices.

“Alright, Doc, I want you to walk with me, okay?” That touch slipped from my cheeks to wrap around my shoulders, and my body shivered violently against their warmth, legs dragging listlessly beneath me as some driving force eased me forward, and, for a moment, it wasn’t fuel I smelled. Some struggling corner of my mind remembered them, trusted them.

“I… I s…” His gentle, guiding movements froze the instant those stuttered attempts at speech fluttered from my lips.

“Doc?” My eyes wondered blindly over a face I so nearly recognized but couldn’t manage to grasp those thoughts long enough to be sure.

“I-I screamed.” I heard the wisps of words tumble from numb lips but couldn’t understand the sorrow that washed over his face. “I… I didn’t realize I… I screamed her name.”

“That was a long time ago.” He murmured, hands tightening where they held me firmly against his side.

“Do you… do you think sh-she heard me?” I think I recognized the way my name sounded in that smoky voice, briefly noting heartbreak in umber eyes before falling back into those flames.

“Doc-”

“Hunter.” A crisp voice interrupted him, and a moment later I belatedly realized he’d begun moving again, felt the hard plane of a chest plate pressed to my cheek.

“Watch your step.” That whispered murmur offered a comfort in its very tone, but the words held no meaning as we came to a stop. The sensation of floating should have been disorientating, but it was barely a thought as he moved an arm beneath my knees and gently lifted me to his chest before handing me off to someone else. And then it was dark again, the world moving around us in time to the hum of an engine.

“I have located the source but will need something stronger to bypass their firewalls.” Numb, I merely existed in the sound of those voices as someone held me, the strong scent of alcohol sharp enough to keep the memory of burnt skin at bay. Someone else wrapped chilled fingers through mine, and still another touch settled over my shoulder

“Park around back, Crosshair. Tech, if I get you access to one of the command centers on base, can you make it untraceable?”

“With Echo’s help, yes.” That grip tightened gently.

“Fryin’ some hunk of metal’s a kriffin’ joke. Where are they? I think we should make sure they ge’ the picture to leave’er alone.” I felt that voice rumble against my cheek.

“Given they are well behind Separatist lines, that is not a viable option; however, I can prevent any future attempts at contact.”

“Tech, you have the best chance at passing for a civi. Put this on and get us a room.” The world seemed to shift slightly, and I vaguely heard the sound of footsteps, the hiss of a door opening and closing, body too disorientated to even flinch at the brief flood of light.

“Echo, send Rex a message. I’d rather we tell him than have him report it stolen.” Those cool fingers started to pull away and some part of me panicked, grip tightening possessively, breath hitching. I didn’t notice the moment of silence, but when another hand touched mine, gently guiding my hold from that cool hand to his, I didn’t question it, again only distantly noting the brief flare of light.

“Doc? Can you look at me?” Something swept slowly along my thumb. The mass of warmth surrounding me shifted until a face came into some fleeting semblance of focus before me. “Hey.” I watched his lips move but couldn’t quite associate them with the quiet whisper of that deep voice. “You don’t need to say anything, but I want you to try to listen to me.” My brows drew weakly together, unsure if his voice was the memory, or if the calm rumble of Koon’s earnest apology was. “You trust us, right?” There’s no one still alive on that ship. Trust. What did he say?

My shoulder felt too cold, and I vaguely realized it was because he’d moved his hand back up to cup my cheek. My eyes blinked, almost surprised to see that face still staring at me when they opened again. For a moment, I didn’t feel the numb agony of burns, the sharp fire tearing through my ankle. Trust… yes. It may have been the only thing I could be certain of, but I knew I trusted him. The unsure movement shifting my head in a nod felt strange, muscles reluctantly remembering their own existence. His hand tightened around mine, briefly drawing my gaze to that contact before hesitantly returning to his face.

“Good.” He breathed, and I think I should have withdrawn from the attentiveness with which those eyes studied me, but, in that moment, I needed to be seen; needed him to see me to keep from vanishing back to that scarred meadow lit only by the dancing flames. “We’re taking care of it, alright? We’re not going to let a damn thing happen to you, so I want you to just take a breath. Do you understand?” He spoke slowly, quietly, as though talking to a frightened animal. That realization struck me seconds before the realization that no, I didn’t understand… I couldn’t…

My jaw shifted listlessly in a poor mimicry of speech but couldn’t manage more than turning my head into his hand in a silent ‘no’, gaze belatedly lingering on the rich tan of the nicked skin covering hard lines of tendons and muscle. His thumb swept over my cheek, touch easing my eyes back to him.

“That’s okay.” He promised. “Do you remember my name?” His… I should… I should know that… I knew his name. Confused panic stole the breath from my lungs, body rocking slightly as my teeth ground together. Why couldn’t I… Where was I? I didn’t hear him call my name, wide eyes darting around the small, dark room, head twisting back at the sudden realization that I was being held by someone, blind to the worry twisting through those kind eyes as frantic awareness jolted through my body, limbs jerking to life.

“Wai-wait, Doc, I wouldn’-”

“For kriff’s sake, Wrecker, let her go.” A third voice chided from further ahead. The instant I realized I was upright, my body surged from them, hands throwing open the door without any conscious understanding of its existence before tumbling to my knees the instant I was free of that dim room, stomach churning anew amidst the rush of turmoil and dread and confusion.

“Whoa! Hey-hey, easy.” How could that voice sound so calm when my heart felt like it was trying to rip itself free of my chest? He whispered my name with such gentle concern, I couldn’t bring myself to pull away when his hand carefully swept along my back. “Shh, you’re going to be alright, Doc.” Something about the knowing sympathy in that murmur consumed me, body straining to still seizing muscles if only to better hear him. “I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but this will pass… I promise you; this will pass.”

He knew... of course he knew… because… I remembered… I remembered holding him through his own nightmares.

“Echo.” His name broke over my lips in a whimpered sob, and I felt the tension leave him in a slow sigh.

“I’m right here.” He whispered, shifting just a breadth closer to me. I didn’t realize I was crying until the sound of my own sobs seemed to drown out the distant hum of the city. That touch on my back offered only the faintest shift in a subtle invitation, and any hesitation fled me. In an instant, I turned into him, burying my face against his neck as I clung to him, and my heart shuttered at how quickly he locked his arms around me. “Alright… it’s alright, I’ve got you.” Those softly spoken words sent a chill down my spine as they fluttered through my hair.

“She was…” I gasped, hiding in his embrace as the wretched ruin my own voice shattered around me, “She was ri-right there! I le- I left her – how could I leave her?!”

“I know,” He murmured, and, in that moment, I loved him. I loved him for not telling me it wasn’t my fault. I loved him for not telling me there was nothing else I could have done. And I loved him for holding me regardless. “But, right now, you’re here. You’re with me and Hunter and Wrecker and Cross, and we’re damn glad for it.” Those words caught me off-guard, mind pausing to work over them for a long while before slowly pulling back to find those amber eyes, to see the truth in them.

“Tech got us a room. Think you can hold onto me for a minute?” He asked, voice only just loud enough for me to hear.

“I can… I can walk.” The feint of confidence wasn’t enough to fool either of us, but the drive to feel my feet beneath me, to move of my own volition balked at the thought of being carried again.

“Doc…” I didn’t give him the chance to argue, trembling legs already straining to remember how to stand. He quickly shifted to pull my arm over his shoulders and slowly eased us both upright. I had to cling to him more than I anticipated, body swaying violently for several seconds before regaining any semblance of stability. He waited patiently until I took that first step and carefully matched his strides with mine, guiding us toward an open doorway.

Those few steps helped shed that lingering sense of displacement, and the clarity that granted threatened me with a far more desperate fear. We’d barely stepped into the room when the very real threat of what I’d seen sent my heart racing.

“Wait…” I could taste the horror dripping from that single word, barely seeing Echo’s attention dart back to me. “W… where… who sent that video? H-How…” The frenzy of everything that footage implicated washed over me in a flood of panic.

“Easy, Doc; we’re already-” Hunter’s reassuring words fell on deaf ears.

“Wh-where’s my… my datapad-where-” Eyes darting around the room, I only vaguely noticed Tech before pushing forward to try to wrench it from his hands, but Echo held me back, quickly stepping between his brother and me.

“Doc, listen to me: there’s nothing on that datapad that you need to see.” He said, voice just hinting at that commanding power of an arc trooper.

“Get out of my way, Echo, and give me my kriffing datapad.” I growled sharply. Writing. There was writing at one point, right? Scrolling along the top of the screen? I tread quickly around Echo, eyes locked on Tech. He glanced uncertainly passed me, and I didn’t have to look to know he’d sought Hunter’s orders before allowing me to pull the device from his hands.

Painfully aware of the attentive stares of the five men crowded into the small room, I forced my attention to the screen; and then it was all I could see. The video was frozen in the moment after that first scream. Instantly, that tremble stole back through me, hand shaking violently mere inches from that nauseating image, muscles refusing to move even enough for the brief tap needed to play it.

“The sender included a ransom note.” I don’t think I’d ever heard Tech’s voice drop into such a gentle whisper, gaze darting to his with a silent, desperate plea. Tell me. Tell me everything so that I didn’t have to live through that nightmare all over again. “They’ve demanded an extravagant sum of credits in exchange for the original footage, and threatened to turn it in to the jedi counsel should you refuse.” My eyes went wide, face falling slack. Tech easily caught the datapad as it slipped from suddenly limp fingers.

“General…General Koon… I h-I have to warn… Wolffe…” I couldn’t hear the terror in my own voice, guilt tearing through my chest. “They’ll… Wolffe – they’ll decommission him for this!” It wasn’t until Hunter shouted my name, hands clasped tight around my shoulders that I even realized he’d been speaking.

“Breathe.” The word left his lips in a measured, firm order, but I could see the concern darkening those eyes. Blinking back the threat of tears, I vaguely realized my chest was fluttering with those shallow, rapid gasps that offered little more than a fleeting taste of air. His hold softened slightly, and his shoulders began to lift in a slow, deep inhale. Jaw tensing, I struggled to follow his lead despite the way my breath shook with each violent shiver, still, the attempt alone was enough to grant him some sliver of relief.

“Tech already traced it.” He explained in that practiced calm of a hardened soldier, and I found myself hanging onto his every word. “He and Echo are going to find every copy of that video, wipe them from the holonet, and fry every computer it’s ever touched, and we’re going to make sure whoever sent it to you is too afraid of us to ever touch a datapad again.” His thumbs shifted gently over my arms, eyes locked pointedly on mine. “No one is ever going to find out about this.” My diaphragm jerked against the tears clawing up my throat at the words still trying to find voice atop my tongue.

“If it doesn’t work,” I started, but his lips parted to interrupt me. “If it doesn’t work,” I said again, louder, leaving no room for him to object, “You have to promise me… all of you… promise me you won’t go down with me.” I demanded, looking to each of them in turn, loathing the way they balked at my words. “If anyone finds out where I’m from… I’ll-” I couldn’t bite back the sob the very threat of those words tore through me, tears finally slipping from my eyes, but I forced myself to continue, “I’ll be removed from the GAR, probably imprisoned…” I stole a quick breath in the vain hope that it might offer some measure of stillness, but my voice shattered over my next words, “but you… what they’d do to you if they found out…” Again, I let my gaze shift over each of their faces.

Hunter’s hands whispered gently over my cheeks, thumbs absently wiping at the lines of tears as his tall form curled around me. He didn’t say anything for a long while, eyes burring into mine as his jaw worked silently over words he couldn’t seem to settle on.

“If it doesn’t work,” he finally started, only just breathing the words, “I promise you, we’ll figure something out.” A broken scowl twisted over my mouth, but, before I could say anything, he gently touched a thumb to my lips. “You and me, and these di’kuts… we’ll figure something out… but don’t you dare ask us to give up on you… and don’t you dare give up on us.” The fierce determination in those eyes robbed me of any will to argue, strength abandoning me with a suddenness that left me staggering.

Without another word, he pulled me harshly against him, chest swelling with a carefully controlled breath. Instantly, I wilted into his touch, unable even to lift my arms to return that crushing embrace, face hiding against the crook of his neck as I wept, overwhelmed by the fear and guilt and exhaustion. His hand swept up my back, my neck, fingers tangling into my hair. I could feel the steady power of his heartbeat thrumming up his throat, let myself be mesmerized by the calm cadence of his breaths as I tried to believe him, tried to remember the depth of my trust for each of these amazing men.

“Rex is here.” Echo’s whisper held a visceral regret in the simple necessity of being spoken aloud, and Hunter let out a deep sigh.

“Alright. Cross, Wrecker, stay here – no one comes through that door but us. You two, with me.” He continued speaking with that gentleness as he turned his attention down to me. “Is it alright if Wrecker holds onto you for a while?” He asked quietly. I tried not to think about why he’d felt the need to ask, unwilling to even pretend I didn’t need this form of comfort in that moment as my head simply nodded. Still, he didn’t release me until Wrecker’s massive hands slipped around my still shaking form, and I turned into the towering man without hesitation as he enveloped me in those powerful arms.

“We’ll be back as soon as we can, but it might be a while.” I didn’t need to look at him to know he was talking to Crosshair, and, without another word, he, Echo and Tech were gone.

“Couldn’t give two kriffs where they are…” It wasn’t a full minute before the quietly growled words rumbled through his chest. “Wish Tech would just tell who they are… I’d make sure they’d never even think about threatening you again.” The anger storming through him was heartbreaking in itself. I treasured the brilliant glee that usually lit up his voice. Knowing I was the reason he was so filled with fury…

“Wrecker.” There was a quiet warning in Crosshair’s voice.

“I know you lot don’t think I can be stealthy, but this’d be worth it! In-an’-out quiet an’ fast; then we wouldn’t even have worry about”

“Wrecker!” The sniper hissed. Belatedly realizing the effect his words had on me, Wrecker’s shoulders sank, arms softening into something almost tentative.

“Sorry.” He whispered, and I broke anew, teeth burring into my lips to stifle the sobs at the guilt for his own remorse. A quick sigh sounded behind us. I didn’t hear his footsteps, but, when those elegant hands pulled me away from Wrecker’s hesitant embrace, I wasn’t surprised to see those harsh eyes studying me.

“They’ve got a shower here, Wrecker. Use it and sober up.” I wanted to say something, to promise Wrecker that he’d done nothing wrong; that I adored him and knew he only wanted to protect me, but, when Crosshair silently pulled me against his chest, I was too taken aback to speak. Wrecker paused for only a moment longer before reluctantly walking away.

“Come on.” It was an order, but there was a foreign softness to his voice that I couldn’t begin to fight, limbs automatically moving to follow him as he guided me across the room to a worn bed. Only then did I realize he’d already stripped his upper body of armor; felt the heat radiating from the broad muscles of his chest. He didn’t bother kicking off his boots though, holding me firmly against him with one arm while absently shifting the pillows with the other before turning to sit atop the edge of the mattress, easily pulling me with him and, mere seconds later, he was reclining leisurely against the wedge of padding, an almost bored expression staring blindly toward the ceiling as he held me casually against him, one leg cocked at my hip as I hid comfortably atop his chest.

“This alright?” I barely heard the whispered words. He didn’t move, eyes still locked on some invisible point beyond the stained paneling above us. I nodded, watching as my hand flared over the soft fabric beneath my cheek. “I think you insulted Tech.” He mumbled, but there was a subtle note of humor in his voice that eased a nearly silent laugh from me before the reasoning behind my doubt crept back in – not in the brilliant man’s capabilities but from the mere weight of the consequences should he fail.

“I ca-I can’t lose you,” I whispered on trembling breaths, fingers shifting to cling to that sleek material, “any of you.”

“We’re soldiers,” He hummed bluntly, but my head jerked so sharply in a silent ‘no’ that whatever else he was going to say was bit back in the absent churning of his jaw. Letting out another sigh, he merely relaxed beneath me, eyes sliding shut.

I couldn’t seem to draw my attention away from the slow dance of this powerful heartbeat against my cheek, from the gentle ebb and flow of his chest swelling beneath me. He was perfectly still at first, arms merely resting around my back, but, as the seconds ticked by, his hand began shifting absently against my shoulder, fingers slipped along the my ribs, his head tucked down to just brush his jaw against my hair; only brief, thoughtless movements, then falling still again for several seconds before allowing himself another stolen touch, and how could I feel anything but safe amidst the silent promises whispered in those fleeting moments?

-

The chorus of deep, leisurely breaths gave the air a comforting weight. The simple proximity and peace in those unhurried sighs and occasional listless shuffle of a limb spoke of absolute safety in the simple ease of their existence. My eyes parted just enough to see the soft light filling the small, derelict room, and my heart jumped at the sight before me.

Hunter lay tucked along the very edge of the bed, one arm folded beneath his head while the other had reached out to grasp my hand in his. Echo was beneath him, one knee hiked up at the very bottom corner of the bed while the other had fallen over the edge at some point, head pillowed atop one of my thighs. Tech was curled against my legs on my other side, arm draped over me for his hand to rest absently on my hip. I could only just see Wrecker’s legs stretching out behind him. And beneath me… Crosshair.

In perfect silence, he brought a finger to his lips, gaze shifting lazily over the sleeping forms of his brothers sprawled out around us. I followed his gaze for a moment before turning back to him with a small nod. He returned gesture, chest swelling beneath a deep breath, the movement gently rocking me against him, and he settled back into the nest of pillows as though it was the most natural thing in the world. I found myself hesitating barely a second longer before letting the tension slip away from me once more, melting into his warmth and that powerful, slow dance of his heartbeat against my cheek. When his hand shifted to sweep tentatively through my hair, I let out a deep sigh, nuzzling subtly into him with a love and gratitude I knew I’d never be able to speak aloud.

Fanart!! - by @mythical-illustrator

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[stevenblueniverse]

Bellow selkie au Chapter 4 (finally its here! I'm so sorry about the break I had to take!)

Chapter 4 the human family

"I saw some seals by the shore, it reminded me of the selkies you'd tell me stories about when I was young", was the only thing written in yellow's most recent letter regarding her recent experience with the selkie, she felt so guilty about the whole thing, again she had scared the poor selkie away, now she barely left her hotel, just waiting for her ship to return and finally leave this place that made her feel nothing but guilt for what she had done.

Yellow looked over to the most recent letter from her mother, laying on a table next to the bed, it was unopened and barely touched. She shuffled to the other side of the bed and grabbed it from the table it lay on, clumsily ripping apart the envelope, leaving small chunks of paper on her bed and nearly ripping the letter inside.

The contents of the letter didn't suprise yellow, 90% of it was dedicated to selkies, saying yellow must've seen them and how they're known for their beauty, she even wrote of her own "experiences" with them and how she believed yellow seeing them meant something "very special" and will bring good or bad luck that will "show itself very soon". This time, yellow didn't take this letter as the regular nonsense and folklore her mother constantly went on about, instead it made her remember those two nights when she saw the selkie, it gave her determination to maybe see her or at least another one again, and definitely not make the mistake she did before.

Yellow threw on her long black coat and knee high boots and quickly rushed out her hotel. She forgot how hot it was out there, as soon as she stepped out the bright sun shone directly into her eyes, she lifted her hand in the air to cover the sun and tried to walk out of its blinding light and into some shade, she'd been all over the world but the weather here had been the most unbearable for her. As she passed the beach where she saw the selkie, yellow saw something that caught her off guard

On the beach was three people, a very tall woman in a white dress with long, curled hair that was almost a pink-ish colour, She was holding the hand of a small boy standing next to her, he had dark brown curly hair and looked about 8 years old, he was wearing a red t shirt and jeans, he was looking around and didnt seemed to be interested in what the other two people where doing, the third person there was what caught yellow's attention, it was the selkie she saw! And she seemed to be talking to this woman and her child!?

Yellow slowly approached them, so many questions forming in her mind, "could this woman be a selkie? She doesn't have a coat? Maybe the sister the selkie spoke about is her?", soon yellow got too distracted in her thoughts and tripped over the hill, landing not far from them, she wasn't hurt but it was embarrassing. Yellow got up and wiped the sand off her clothes, trying to act like nothing had happened, she could see the selkie was now looking at her, the pink haired woman waved her hand in front of the selkie to get her attention again and they resumed to talking, the young boy was also now looking at her, her cover had been blown, now she didn't know what to do.

"Rose, who is this?", a male voice said from above the hill leading to the beach, the man who the voice belonged too soon jumped down to the beach and approached them, he had long dark brown hair, and a beard, he seemed much older than the two women, yellow looked away and started writing her letter, trying to make it look like she wasn't watching, but also keeping close enough to listen in to the conversation. "Oh...she is...", rose, the pink haired one, studdered, holding her son's hand tighter, the selkie nervously started to step away into the ocean, yellow could tell she was scared of whoever this man was.

"Have you been lamenting by the sea again?", her sarcastically asked, giving rose a smirk, she bowed her head and looked to the ground, "...yes", she replied defeated, "well that won't get you anywhere, you aren't a part of that lifestyle anymore", he continued, looking up and down at the selkie with a disgusted expression, "and plus", he grabbed Rose's son away from her, "you have me and steven to care about now, so don't waste your time crying over your past", he dragged his son, steven up the hill and went back to the two of them, rose looked back at the selkie, quiely apologised then made her way up the hill to her son. "You there!", he called to the selkie, making her flinch, "what makes you think you things are still allowed around my wife!", he yelled, trying to grab her by the coat, she jumped back into the ocean, ready to flee, until....

"HEY!", yellow called, rushing inbetween them and smacking away his hand from her coat, "what are you doing!? Yelling at my friend like that!", the man looked back at the selkie, then back to yellow and raised an eyebrow, "your friend?", he asked, "yeah my friend! We where planning to meet up here and I find you yelling at her! Leave or ill make you!", the man gave up after that, he turned around and made his way up the hill saying, "fine, go spend your time with that creature, I don't care".

"Y-you helped me?? But why!?", the selkie asked, yellow turned around and gave her a friendly smile, "I saw he was being threatening to you, I couldn't just watch that happen," yellow looked down and saw she was still holding tightly onto her coat and shaking, "I'm very sorry about what happened last time, please can we talk?", she asked, the selkie nodded, "we can..thank you", she said, going to sit down on the beach, looking around to see if the man had truly gone.

[biffhofosho]

Le Cirque du Fantasme | Part Two

Word Count: 6.2k

A/N: SURPRISE, I got too carried away and felt pretty bad when I realized the last half of this story was another 20k, so I made the executive decision to divide it up into three parts rather than post something so egregiously long in one post.

The last mammoth chunk will be posted in the wee spooky hours of Halloween. :-P

Cvr | 01 | 02 | 03

“I don’t have many talents,” says Mariam, wringing her hands.

“We’ll find them, trust me,” the ringmaster assures. “Most of us found our talents not through natural gift but through fearlessness. You just have to be willing to try something you haven’t before. You may find that not only are you good at it, but that you like it.”

A shiver rips through her.

“Let’s start simply,” Jooheon says. He takes her hands in his and holds them as he stares softly at her. “Close your eyes and think of a number one through seven.”

She does as instructed and lets her mind drift where it wants as she says dreamily, “Three.”

Jooheon hums. “Now, think of two colors please.”

“Red and blue,” she says automatically.

“Very good, Mariam.”

“How do you know my name?” she whispers.

“I’ve seen your dream, remember? I heard them calling your name.”

“Them?”

“We’ll get to that. You can open your eyes now, dear.”

When she does, the ringmaster fills her vision though he is flanked by the two aerialists as well. All three smile sweetly at her.

“You’ve chosen well,” Jooheon says.

“I didn’t really choose anything,” she objects.

Beside the ringmaster, Minhyuk’s face falters. “I feel a little offended then. And here I thought we really wowed you.”

Mariam panics and reaches toward him. “That’s not what I meant! I thought—”

“He’s just teasing,” explains Changkyun. “Minhyuk likes to do that. You’ll see.”

“We’ll get to that, too,” Jooheon says tersely.

Her head spins with their vague words and their beautiful faces. Up close, the two aerialists are even more bewildering. It’s clear the glitter on Minhyuk’s skin is not show makeup, and it’s also clear that Changkyun isn’t just wearing some kind of reflective suit—he really is translucent in places.

But that’s… impossible?

“So I’m going to try aerial stunts?” she asks, choosing to deflect their attention from her face to the silks and hoops dangling above them.

But it doesn’t work. Minhyuk is still grinning at her like a Cheshire cat. “Are you ready for us to take you to new heights?”

“Minhyuk,” scolds Changkyun though it’s half-hearted at best judging from the tongue poking at the corner of his mouth.

“What? We will.”

“Are you afraid?” asks Jooheon much more seriously.

Mariam turns back toward the three handsome faces studying her.

She should be afraid. She knows how many performers have died even after decades of experience. Even more importantly, she is a cautious person. She doesn’t stray much outside her comfort zone, which is probably why she never left Carmel—she grew up there, her family is there, everyone knows her and she knows everyone.

But she’s never wanted to be this way. She supposes much of it is the way she grew up. Her family is conservative and faithful. It would break their hearts to know she’s not a virgin for marriage, and it would probably break their hearts even more to know she’s not sure she even wants marriage.

Because the truth is what Mariam has wanted all along in the deepest, darkest, most secret part of her heart is to break out.

To break free.

To fly.

She wants things for herself, things she's never been able to voice.

“I’m not,” she confesses.

Jooheon smiles. “Good. Now, why don't you put this on, and when you come back, we'll teach you some tricks.”

Changkyun offers a folded outfit to her, and she looks at them questioningly, but the ringmaster beats her to it. “The fewer restrictions you have, the better. The circus is all about soaring past boundaries. Don’t even bother with your shoes.”

“You can change through the curtain there,” Changkyun says as he points to the entrance.

At last, Mariam takes the offering and heads behind the curtain where she examines what turns out to be a bodysuit. It’s black and red exclusively, with a plain black chest but a corset of red and black stripes. A little peplum skirt of more stripes and black chiffon add a touch more femininity while a cute little bolero with matching ruching hugs the shoulders and the back of the neck.

In order to squeeze into it, she has to strip just like for a swimsuit, and a wave of self-consciousness washes over her at having to press her nakedness into a garment that doesn’t belong to her. She doesn’t have a choice though. She wants to be as free as Jooheon promised her she can be here, so she leans into the feeling of the cool air kissing her bare legs and arms.

She can hardly believe she fits into the snug suit. It leaves very little to the imagination. She’s especially worried about how indecently the seat of the outfit cradles her sex, but she figures no one will be close enough to notice, and maybe the skirt will shield the swell of her lips there.

With a hard swallow, Mariam enters the ring again to find the ringmaster has shed his coat down to the fitted black tee beneath while the two aerialists have stripped off their performance tanks to leave lean, sculpted torsos on full display. Her face grows hot in an instant. All three men look at her with stars in their eyes, though that could be from the single spotlight that still glows into the center of the room.

“Already a starlet,” Jooheon praises. “It’s like you’ve always been a part of our show.”

“Thank you,” is all she can think to reply.

At last, she finally tears her eyes from the performers to see the ribbons have descended again, this time to brush the floor itself. Unlike during the aerial clowns’ showcase, there is a thick padded mat out, she’s relieved to see.

“Yeah, I don’t think I’m going to be much of a performer on those things,” Mariam comments.

Jooheon raises an eyebrow. “You may surprise yourself.”

She notices then that the two aerialists have disappeared, but when she turns around, she finds Minhyuk crouching over the shattered remains of the aerial hoop. He scoops up a handful of the shattered steel and cups it between both hands. His eyes close in an uneven blink, like a gentle seesaw, as he cocks his head and peers through a slat in his fingers. Mariam can't see what he's doing, but there's no mistaking the scarlet glow emanating from his skin and the hint of smoke in the air.

After a moment, he lifts his hand, and in the center of the other is a marble-sized ball of molten steel. Waves of heat roil in the cool air as crimson, tangerine, and pearl hues dance in the liquid metal. It’s just as astonishing that he can superheat steel as it is that he can hold it in his hand.

He rocks the ball back and forth between his palms to roll it into a fiery worm. With the tip of his fingernail, he clips off part of the ends before he coils the metal around and up in a spiraling open-ended vine. Then, he pinches the spare ends into smaller pieces until they form into delicate little petals, which turn out to be thorns because a moment later, he grabs another shard and, in a flash, twists it into a sweet flower shape and solders it to the rest of the ring.

Mariam is transfixed by his delicate movements. His fingers are extraordinarily long and even more nimble. It’s clear now that his artistry isn’t limited to the skies.

Minhyuk puts the last touch on his creation and reaches for her hand. Changkyun scowls.

“You can’t give it to her like that,” the blue-haired man reprimands.

With a pop and sizzle, he grabs the ring from his partner, but if it burns as badly as it sounds, she would never know, for this aerialist doesn’t flinch either. Changkyun holds the delicate thing in his palm as it smokes. Then he puffs his pretty lips and blows a jet of icy air that tempers the metal until it dulls like a dying ember and finally hardens to cold steel.

“Milady,” Minhyuk says with a flourish of a bow and presents the ring to her.

“What’s this for?” she asks, her voice ripe with shock.

“Consider it part of the VIP experience.”

Judging from the stern brow on the ringmaster’s forehead, it seems unlikely, but she knows she shouldn’t ask; even if she does, she won’t get an answer.

Trembling, Mariam holds out her hand, and the redhead slips the ring onto her middle finger. It slides on easily, but once it’s seated at the base, Minhyuk’s fingertips warm against her, and he softens the ring one last time as though it’s only made of beeswax. With a roll and a rub, it fits snugly at last, and he pulls back with a grin.

She stares at the ring. She has so many more questions. Is this still part of the act? Do they do this after every performance with every VIP? Why does the ringmaster look like a line has been crossed? But when she looks up at the two aerialists, both smiling beautifully at her, other words come out that she never planned to voice.

“What are they?” she breathes.

Jooheon laughs sweetly as though he pities her ignorance. “They are sylphs, one of the air and the other of fire.”

“Sylphs…” Mariams tests out the word and finds it tastes as buttery as it sounds. She turns to the ringmaster now, her thumb already pendulously rubbing the smooth ring backing. “What are you then?”

“Me? I’m just a man who wandered in from the fog and couldn’t let this place go. But the Cirque du Fantasme has a funny way of bringing out hidden talents you never knew you had. I'm a dreamer—always have been—but thanks to the Fantasme, now I can eat dreams. They become a part of me. They change me. They open me up to endless creativity, which is a very good thing running a circus.”

“I’d call you a liar, but I guess I can’t,” she muses. “A dream-eater…”

“Does It freak you out? What we are?” Changkyun wonders.

“No, that's not it... I don't know. I think my brain wanted to believe that all of this was just some kind of illusion. You know, circus magic? But it's not, is it?”

“It's not,” he confirms.

All three stand very still, as though they're waiting for her to make her escape, but she doesn't move. Instead, she asks, “Is everyone here as special as you are?”

“Well, of course, Mariam. As are you,” says Minhyuk matter-of-factly.

“You're our VIP, remember?” Jooheon notes.

“Let us show you how special you are,” Changkyun offers.

With each passing word, things feel heavier, realer, like she’s descending without moving at all.

“There's so much you're capable of,” assures the ringmaster. He leans in, his dimples cavernous, his eyes shining. “Come.”

Jooheon offers his hand and walks her toward the center of the ring.

“Here,” he says. He extends her arm and grabs one of the silks and wraps it around her forearm, then he pulls it back so the fabric snakes addictively across her skin. “Feels nice, doesn’t it?”

She nods.

Beside them, Changkyun goes to work on the ribbons, knotting them up with ease. When he’s done, it looks like some fairytale swing straight out of the fantasies of a girl imagining she’s royalty.

“Ready, princess?” says the blue-haired man with a bow as though he’s a mind-reader just like his dream-eater friend.

“I’m nervous,” she admits.

“We’ll take the very best care of you. Wait and see,” promises Jooheon with a smile too beautiful and open to refute.

Mariam takes a deep breath and steps forward.

Minhyuk zips to her side like a magnet and yammers through a series of safety precautions that she knows she should be paying more attention to, but she can’t get the image of his singular fingers contorting metal to his every whim.

In the spotlight now, her pecan skin washes out a bit, which she’s especially self-conscious of the moment Minhyuk’s shimmering gold-flecked hands cinch around her waist.

He lifts her into the basket of ribbons and instructs her to find her balance. Mariam grips the silks and scoots her butt back so she’s centered just as she would be on a swing set. When she’s ready, she looks up at him for approval, and he whistles.

“Wow. Your eyes are like sea glass. They’re stunning.”

She casts them down with embarrassment because it seems insane that an otherworldly beauty like Minhyuk could think her looks are anywhere near as special as anything in their circus, but, suddenly, he pulls the swing toward him, and the self-doubt is lost behind her. She yelps, gripping the fabric tighter as she tips back in the swing. She looks wide-eyed at him, and he stares back determinedly.

“The circus is all about flaunting yourself. Don’t hide from it,” he admonishes.

“Okay,” she replies shakily.

With that, he pushes her back, and Mariam sails in reverse with another little yelp, but that quickly gives way to a surge of unadulterated joy.

She’s flying.

When the swing rocks forward, she leans into it just as she remembers from a playground, and she sails a little higher. This time, she giggles. And when she drifts back, her hair surges around her face and the ribbons billow below her feet like a banner.

“You’re a natural!” Jooheon shouts. “How does it feel?”

“Amazing!” she squeals. “I could do this forever!”

“But there are so many more things to try,” insists Minhyuk.

Though she sours a little at the thought of ending her ride so soon, Mariam’s seen what these performers are truly capable of in the air, and she is curious about how far she can push herself, too, so she slows her swinging until Changkyun grabs the silks to still her.

He’s smiling at her in a way that makes her feel even more fluttery than the ribbons in full sail.

“You looked great. Let’s try a little more advanced swing now. Can you stand in the basket?”

“On the knot?” she asks dubiously.

“Don’t worry. I tied it. It’s sturdy enough.”

She hoists herself up carefully until she’s got her balance between the ribbons.

“Perfect,” he compliments. “Now, try to stand on one foot. See if you can raise a leg.”

This is far more challenging, and she feels a bit like a flamingo, but again he praises her, and her confidence builds.

Changkyun steps forward, his arms wide like he’s waiting for a hug, as he says. “See if you can arch your back. You might drift forward a bit, but just hold tight to the ribbons and don’t worry. I’m here to catch you if you fall.”

Looking at those sinewy arms, Mariam has the urge to let go if only so he’ll catch her, but she isn’t that selfish. She tries in earnest, and since she goes slowly, she keeps her balance. Her head falls back, and she’s met with Minhyuk’s sharp face behind her.

“Hello, beautiful,” he says with a teasing grin.

She squeaks and almost loses her balance, but she chokes up on the ribbons just in time to stand back up.

Changkyun sighs and shakes his head. To her, the air sylph says, “He can’t stop being a clown for even a moment.”

“Hey,” retorts his fellow aerialist, “surprises happen up there. Now the Marvelous Mariam knows she can still control herself perfectly.”

Changkyun rolls his eyes back to the woman in the ribbons. He coaches her through a few standing swings, and when he’s satisfied, he says, “Well, you’ve got our approval, Miss Mariam. Since you’ve gotten basic balance down, are you ready to go a little higher?”

“I’m ready.”

“Have a seat again.”

Slowly, she hunkers down though it’s much easier to balance now.

“Cross your legs,” he instructs.

Minhyuk lets out a wolf whistle. “Now, this I would pay to see.”

Jooheon pinches his friend, but the redhead laughs and raises his hands to swear he’s just teasing—not that Mariam minds any of this. It’s not just the balance she’s growing used to—it’s their attention. She likes it more than she should, more than she ever thought she would, considering she’s never been one for the spotlight.

Changkyun shuffles off toward a pole where he grabs a cable and starts yanking. It’s a sight to see his bare arms flexing just as much as it is to hear his soft grunts, but before Mariam can revel too much in either, she is climbing higher and higher.

The seats grow smaller while Jooheon and Minhyuk stretch a net from tent pole to tent pole. She must be almost two stories up when she’s tied off.

“How’s the view from up there?” the ringmaster shouts.

“Incredible!” she exclaims, her feet kicking in unrestrained joy in spite of her rush of adrenaline.

“You want to try a spin?” Minhyuk asks.

“How do I do that?”

“Try swinging your leg to the side little by little and see what happens.”

The rotations are halting at first as Mariam finetunes her movements, but a few more gyrations of her leg to steady her rhythm, and she’s spinning properly. The silks billow with the breeze, like sails—like wings.

She is absolutely giddy. “I feel like a butterfly!”

“You look like one!” assures Jooheon.

After a moment though, she feels her head start to spin just like the swing, and she stills to let the motion come to an easy stop.

“Doing okay?” Changkyun checks in.

“Just a little dizzy.”

“Hold on tightly, okay? Lock your arms around the silks and in front of you, and we’ll lower you.”

As much as she doesn’t want to come down from her high, Mariam obeys. Since the guys have to roll the net back up, she descends even more slowly than she rose, and yet, it seems she’s down all too fast. She doesn’t have time to complain though because both aerialists surround her to gauge her carefully.

“I’m fine,” she swears, but that doesn’t stop their hands from steadying her in front and back, and that makes her dizzy all over again.

Changkyun, who has sidled up behind her, says in a husky voice, “We’ll do some artistic hangs now, okay?”

“I don’t have a lot of upper body strength,” she informs.

“We’ll get you into some positions that will make you feel so pretty. You don’t need to worry about a thing,” assures Minhyuk.

“Maybe they’re a little more daring,” adds Changkyun, “but we can tell you’re up for it, aren’t you?”

Mariam smiles. She’s up for a lot more than she’s willing to admit after everything she’s experienced tonight.

“Tell me what to do.”

“Music to my ears,” Minhyuk practically sings. “Okay, we’ll start super easy with a foot hang. It’s the perfect place to start trussing you up.”

Changkyun elbows his friend before he looks to Mariam. “Everyone learns this first.”

It is as simple as promised. With their support at her hips and feet, she climbs up a couple lengths on the silk using her feet to pinch the ribbon. When they call out she’s at the right height, they walk her through the winding of the fabric around her ankle and a trembling pike back where she slowly releases her fear and swings completely upside down.

She’s hanging by one foot. Her heart screams. Blood rushes to her head. She feels high even hanging so low, for in reality, her fingertips are just brushing the mat. And there is something about the way the chiffon feels coiled around her... It isn’t just the fact that she’s snared—the binding itself is exhilarating.

“Let’s test your flexibility next,” Minhyuk says as she hangs.

Mariam’s voice warbles as she tries to have a normal conversation when she feels part-bat. “Not sure how flexible I am, honestly.”

“You don’t know until you’ve tried. I’ll bet you can stretch a lot farther than you think you can.”

“Gravity will do most of the work,” Changkyun adds. “Here, lower your leg to the side just a bit, like shoulder-width.”

When she does, half of the silk follows as it splits. She gathers both sides in one hand, and the aerialists show her how to spread her free arm in the other silk until she makes a little box shape.

“You’re a natural,” Jooheon commends.

Mariam releases the box on instruction and then hangs free again until she’s told to drop her free leg farther and farther and farther. The wider she splays, the more her thighs and hamstrings shake.

Minhyuk wraps his extraordinary fingers around her ankle and adds the gentlest of presses. It occurs to Mariam how exposed she is in this stretch. As she dangles like a pretty piece of meat, the little isthmus of lycra is all that separates her most intimate secrets from their eyelines.

“You're incredibly tight,” muses the redhead. Maybe it’s all the blood rushing to her head, but his tone isn’t teasing; it’s heavy—dark. “We need to loosen you up. Let’s try Scorpion next.”

Minhyuk helps direct her leg back behind her like a scorpion tail, and at first, it is awkward, but then she arches her back, and the stretch feels wonderful. The move swings her to face Jooheon.

His smile is different. Perhaps it’s because she’s looking at him upside down, but it’s sharper, almost fanged at its ends.

“Nice and loose now,” murmurs Minhyuk. “Let’s try another easy hold.”

“I don’t know…” she hedges.

“This one’s right side up.”

With their help again, she’s released from her foot trap and eased down the ribbon a bit so they can help her contort her body, legs jackknifed, over the silk so it presses urgently against her heat. The pressure is intense, and she fights to hold in a surprised moan.

In this position, the silks have twined around her upper thigh while her hands are made to wrap the loose ribbon below around her waist. Slowly, they roll her completely through the twists so she is upright again and her upper hand has both ribbons in it. She dangles from a basket loop right up through her middle like an ornament.

Her legs knife into a T shape, and the ribbon holds her weight directly against her sex. Mariam swears she can feel her heartbeat in her core.

The fabric constricts her in all the right ways. It makes her extra sensitive—to the cool autumn air permeating the tent and the pervasive heat emanating from the redhead beside her. She is wound up in more ways than one.

She dangles like this, eyes down at the floor because otherwise she’d be face-to-face with Minhyuk. He seems to know this because he chuckles. He gives her shoulder a gentle push, and she twirls enough to catch a zoetrope of otherworldly faces.

“What a stunning mobile,” Minhyuk laughs again. “I’d like to hang you above my bed.”

“Wow,” Changkyun groans though it’s directed at his friend. “You are embarrassing us, Min.”

“No, I’m embarrassing you.”

“And Mariam,” the blue-haired man corrects.

But she isn’t embarrassed. She’s aroused—which is probably the most embarrassing part, if she thinks about it.

Minhyuk stills the chiffon, and now she has no choice but to meet him face-to-face.

“She’s not embarrassed,” he says with a sly grin, “but she is pretty. How do you feel about one more position before the final one, Mariam?”

“I’m up for it,” she says, her voice trembling as much as the muscles in her arms.

“Perfect.”

He shows her how to unwind until her feet are back on the floor, but that is short-lived.

“Grab hold of the silks together,” he urges. “Pull up as best you can, and don’t worry, we’re here to help as always.”

She follows Minhyuk’s instructions and hikes herself up, but she wasn’t being modest—she doesn’t work out save for irregular bouts of cardio, and she knows she looks a little pathetic, especially since her arms are more and more fatigued with each new stance. But Changkyun doesn’t seem to mind—in fact, he seems to prefer it this way as he steps in and grabs her waist from behind, his sturdy hands splaying across her lycra-ed skin while his hips slot against her barely covered backside.

He hoists her up enough to get her feet off the ground as Minhyuk instructs, “Perfect, now, we’re going to help you flip over while you hook your leg around both silks, a little like that last position, remember?”

Again, with Changkyun’s help, Mariam does it, and she’s hanging upside down with one leg straight and the other crooked around the fabric.

“Use your hands to climb up,” Minhyuk continues, and with more help, she’s upright again. “Push this leg down as you pull the other up, like a pulley.”

That she can do herself, and Mariam beams before she gets a push in the back from Changkyun that rolls her over in the silks, the ribbons cinched tight around her hips while she swings free, held up by nothing but fragile fabric at her waist. Her arms and legs dangle free. She’s bait on the line, though she’s not sure what exactly she’s about to reel in.

Minhyuk gives her a little push so she sails wide with a cry, and they all laugh.

“How pretty!” Jooheon praises. “All dolled up in silk.”

Mariam feels her cheeks heat to unprecedented levels that have nothing to do with her blood rushing to her head and everything to do with the blood rushing between her legs from the gravity of their gazes.

“Very pretty indeed. A real princess,” Changkyun agrees. “But I think she needs a little circus shimmer.”

“Circus shimmer?” she echoes.

Jooheon nods. “They know what they’re talking about. They aren’t just aerialists but artists, too.”

The two performers still the silks and unwind her before helping her back to her feet. While she watches, Changkyun cups one hand and hovers the other over it, and in a matter of seconds, he has a pile of snow in his palm. He grips one side of the ribbons while his fellow aerialist grips the other, and together, they launch into the air in a wide circle around her.

Changkyun blows the snow into the air above her, and as their swirling whips it into a makeshift snow globe storm, Minhyuk puffs a thin jet of flame from his lips like a human blowtorch. The snow melts into water and rains down on her until every inch of her skin and hair is dewy.

The pair lands to appraise their work. Each man lifts one of her hands and brings it to their lips for a kiss, though Mariam doesn’t miss the blaze of Minhyuk’s tongue darting out to collect the wet glimmer on her skin.

“The starlet is truly shining now,” proclaims Jooheon in his loud ringmaster voice. “How do you feel, Mariam?”

She wants to keep the truth locked up because it feels like she’s bragging, but she can’t. She answers, “Pretty.”

“You are pretty. Absolutely beautiful.”

She looks at all three of them sheepishly now and brushes a loose, damp hair behind her ear. “Thank you.”

Jooheon takes a step closer. “We’ve earned your trust, right?”

“Yes.”

“And we’ve made you feel special, too?”

“Yeah, absolutely.”

“So,” the ringmaster hedges as he steps between his fellow performers and wraps his arms around their shoulders to draw the three of them into a tight hold, “would you trust us to make you feel even more special?”

Mariam swallows and her heart drops all the way down to her belly. “What does that mean exactly?”

She asks it even though she thinks she knows—she hopes she knows.

“From the inside out,” Jooheon replies.

“Desired. Adored. Needed,” adds Minhyuk with a lick of his bottom lip.

“Needed?” Her voice tips up higher than her hopes.

Changkyun casts a glance at his fellow performers and sighs lightly. “What they’re asking is, will you let us fuck you?”

As Mariam chokes on her surprise at his bluntness, Jooheon gripes, “I was trying to be a little theatrical for the lady’s sake.”

“It will be sun-up at this rate, and I don’t want to miss another second we could be spending with her, do you?”

“He’s right,” agrees Minhyuk.

Jooheon frowns at both of them, but Mariam interjects, “Is that why I’m here?”

“Isn’t it?” the redhead probes.

Is it? It wasn’t like she had sought out the Cirque du Fantasme on a flyer or commercial—for all intents and purposes, it had come to her—but it had come all the same when her life had started to feel constricting…

Repetitive…

Numb.

She could have left after the show just like everyone else had, but she’d lingered, and she’d lingered with some kind of aimless desire in her heart. For the show? For the beings in it? For anything more than what she’d been living her whole boring life?

“No?” says Mariam. “Yes? I don’t know. I just want…”

All three men lean in, their eyes as hopeful as their ears.

“I just want something different. Something exciting.”

“I know,” replies the ringmaster. “I’ve seen your dream. We’ll give you that and so much more.”

“We’ll give you our all,” assures Minhyuk.

Jooheon takes a step into her personal space, and Mariam’s world fills with him. His powerful voice drops soft and low, as ethereal as the chiffon fluttering in the cavernous tent. “You’ve got us desperate.”

“We’re begging, beautiful,” Changkyun adds, and his voice, which is always low, is dripping like paralytic venom from the fangs of lust now piercing her chest.

“Okay,” she says shyly.

“A little louder, baby,” says Jooheon. “It’s a big tent.”

“Okay,” she announces, “let’s do this. I want you. I want you all.”

The men beam at her before their smiles curl into something less jubilant and far more predatory.

Mariam clears her throat, but it doesn’t disguise the tremble in her voice as she asks, “Are we going backstage now?”

“No,” Jooheon answers with a shake of his head, “baby, no. You’re a center stage girl. You’ve been living in the shadows too long. It’s time for you to shine in the spotlight.”

She looks around the tent. “I don't know. Anyone could walk in.”

“Isn't that part of the fun?” retorts Minhyuk. “You are a part of the show now. Be a shame to waste all this pretty glitter in some dark back room.”

Mariam realizes then that he’s right. She’s putting up this pretense of hesitation because she feels like she is supposed to. This kind of clandestine encounter is supposed to happen to girls very different from her, not a strait-laced, small-town, once-religious princess. She’s been trying to break free—to find her true self—for years, but she’s always held herself back. In her heart, she’s always wanted things she’s been taught she shouldn’t want, but reaching for them felt impossible or wrong. What she’s needed is a push, and here are three men more than happy to push her into each other’s arms.

She bites her lip.

She falls.

“I’m ready.”

She reaches for the bolero to remove it, but Changkyun stills her hand. “Patience, princess. We may be circus performers, but we are also gentlemen. We'd like to kiss you first.”

“Really?”

Jooheon closes the space between them so his arms can encircle her. One hand finds a home in the small of her back, and the other weaves up through her lush hair to cradle the base of her neck. “I knew the second our lips met that it wouldn’t be enough. I’m a greedy guy, what can I say?”

Mariam rests her hands on his hips. She can feel the real him under his shirt, firm but yielding. She clings to him as though he’ll vanish if she doesn’t.

She pushes up on her tiptoes as he descends to her, and their mouths meet sweetly. This time she can be greedy, too, and she is—she takes those swollen lips and nibbles on their plumpness. Jooheon’s even more delicious than she’d imagined, and she falls into him completely, trusting that he’ll keep her upright in his arms because her knees have given out.

“What a hungry little thing,” muses Minhyuk beside the couple. Changkyun only grunts in response.

Abruptly, Jooheon pulls back. He looks down at Mariam, his eyes pitch black. Their panting see-saws between them.

“You don't know how hard I'm fighting to keep from stealing all of your dreams,” he grumbles, “and replacing them with ones of me and me alone.”

She licks her lips and savors the decadent sweetness of the ringmaster. She smiles at him. “After tonight, I don't see how I could dream of anything else ever again.”

Jooheon grasps her face between both hands and kisses her so enthusiastically that she tips back in his arms. His tongue probes her mouth as deliberately as it does deliciously, and it’s clear he knows just how to invade her body as he does her dreams. She feels weightless—who knows, after all she’s experienced tonight, maybe she is floating.

They both come up gasping for air, and Mariam huddles against Jooheon’s sturdy chest while his arms wrap around her. He kisses the crown of her hair and murmurs, “What a perfect answer. What a perfect girl.”

“I’ll be the judge of that,” says Minhyuk as he comes up behind them and wraps the pair of them up in his arms.

She’s smothered between them—one hot and one absolutely blazing, though her body is lit up by a fire far hotter than even the fire sylph is capable alone.

Minhyuk scoops her hair back over her ear, and just the brush of his fingertips jolts her in Jooheon’s arms. The aerialist brings his mouth to her throat and suckles at the dew there even as the ringmaster continues to tackle her lips, and their tandem attentions make her tremble. Now, she truly is weightless as they have her pinned between them in a suspended state of bliss.

Suddenly, Jooheon pulls back with a laugh and then a growl. “Cut it out, Min.”

Mariam feels the redhead smile against her throat before she notices his arm retracting from under Jooheon’s shirt.

“Just wanted a minute alone with her. Can you blame me?” retorts Minhyuk.

“You could have just asked.”

“And you would have said no.”

Jooheon rolls his eyes, which all but confirms Minhyuk was right about his friend, but the guilt trip works. With one quick, final kiss, the ringmaster steps back, and before her body can ice over from his disappearance, the aerialist twirls her in his arms so he can kiss her ravenously.

His enormous hands grope her ass as his tongue roams her mouth, and once his base greed has tempered, his fingers work themselves under the tight elastic hugging her cheeks. He cinches the fabric until it’s practically a thong so his hands can return to knead the now-bared flesh.

Mariam whimpers into his mouth, and she can feel Minhyuk’s smile as well as she can feel his nails scratching the smooth skin of her backside.

He pulls back from her lips to study her, a strange sort of grin on his face as he looms over her like the sun. “You are going to look so beautiful tied up for us.”

“Tied—”

But before her question can escape, a chill ripples up her thigh, over her ass, to finally penetrate her stomach. Her eyes wrench from Minhyuk’s to find Changkyun’s hand splayed over her lower belly.

His voice is as icy as his skin as the other aerialist kisses her cheek, leaving a cold tattoo, and says, “You act so innocent. I know you’re not, doll baby. I have a feeling that once we start this, you’re going to beg us to never stop.”

“Please don’t,” she breathes.

Changkyun chuckles and Minhyuk joins.

“Already begging,” says the blue-haired man. “Jooheon’s right. Perfect.”

Changkyun turns her in his arms, and she feels like some trite Southern belle with the vapors, practically going limp in his grip as she basks in his elegant angles. His untouchable beauty bewilders her even more than his strange translucence.

“Kiss me, Mariam,” he orders.

Unlike the others, she must go to him, and something about that makes her feel small and desperate, like she’s crawling on her knees even if she’s actually in his arms. Her hands paw at his bare chest in pitiful attempt to bring him to her, but he stands tall, and she trembles on tiptoe to plead her case with desperate kisses along the breadth of his pretty lips.

When Changkyun is satisfied, he offers her mercy in the form of his mouth. He kisses her back with a sensuousness that his friends can’t quite match. They are bold and brazen where he is elusive and restrained. It makes Mariam all the more frantic for his attentions.

His tongue brushes hers at long last, and it’s like sucking on an ice cube. It’s as soothing as it is addicting. A shiver runs through her, but it’s not heat her body seeks so much as it is satisfaction. She’s overstimulated, but she needs so much more.

Jooheon clears his throat as though he continues to know all. “Kyun’s right. It’s time to indulge in the main event.”

[holly-fixation]

🧃 ⇢ share some personal lore you never posted about before

🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

🍬 ⇢ post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character

🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

🪲 ⇢ add 50 words to your current wip and share the paragraph here

🐝 ⇢ tag your biggest supporter(s) and say one nice thing about them

🧃 ⇢ share some personal lore you never posted about before

Does personal lore mean it has to be about me?? I'm gonna assume yes?? I can't tell what this question wants. My personal lore is that I hated reading for most of my life. I mean more than 80% of my life. Ironic, I know. It's still incredibly difficult for me to pick up a book and just read! Somehow this did not transfer to fanfic. It's one of the few things I can read without getting fatigue.

🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairing

Let's stick with good old Zack and Sephiroth for this one. I head Canon Zack is very good at brushing Sephiroth's hair. HOWEVER, in the wing AUs where Sephiroth's wing appears while he's still sane, Zack is garbage at preening. It takes too long! It's not intentional that he gets impatient and less and less careful. This has lead to tearing multiple chunks of feathers from brushing too fast.

The biggest problem is accidentally ripping a feather out from its root. Sephiroth's instincts kick in and he suddenly attacks the offender, no matter who it is. He only injures Zack once before having enough control to stop himself. Zack never holds it against him. It becomes a quiet night of the two being close until Sephiroth no longer feels overwhelming guilt for what he's done.

Sorry, got a little carried away. A well known bit of personal lore: everything I write becomes angst.

🍬 ⇢ post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character

Hojo is incredibly interesting. Yes the man is a complete sociopath, but I cannot deny the steps to his madness and how it grew throughout the game and fascinating to me.

I really don't have many unpopular opinions (at least not with the Tumblr crowd). Ships though? Different story.

🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

So in The Last Straw, I came up with this completely bullshit idea: a child with a significantly higher concentration of Jenova cells cannot absorb any nutrients except meat based protein (or the lab made equivalent). This is based off the fact that Jenova in that world survives on the lifestreams of planets, and if you look at a food chain and think of the planet as one more link, Her species is Always a predator.

I realize now, after writing all of this, that the question does ask for backstory. Woops.

Anyway, I was trying to BS a name for this condition. Then I found the significantly less severe condition of malabsorption. On a surface level, it's a condition where the body does not absorb nutrients/absorb them properly. So because this was so different than anything else I've researched, it sticks out.

🪲 ⇢ add 50 words to your current wip and share the paragraph here

The blond landed on the vehicle and Strife swiftly removed the blade. Every second they wasted on this transition meant more firepower on the truck. Cloud grabbed the handlebars with his left hand and the Buster Sword with his right. Together they swept through Shinra's ground forces, men knocked off their vehicles and onto the unforgiving pavement.

🐝 ⇢ tag your biggest supporter(s) and say one nice thing about them

@altocat - always kind and let's me steal her ideas

@prismaticpichu - a font of kindness who always has a Fluffy idea cooking. Great when I need some joy.

@winter-doggo - his art always makes me smile. And he still leaves great comments on my fics despite my sudden lack of online interaction.

And you! Yes you, @shadowbanshee , because you're one of the only people that's left me asks like the ones I see for everyone else I follow. I still see likes for the "CC Sephiroth finds CCTV footage of Lucrecia" from December!

I'm not saying there aren't others. I just don't want this post to be any bigger lol. Know if I didn't mention you, I still appreciate you!

[idkfitememate]

Blood on the Wall

૮꒰˶ᵔ ᗜ ᵔ˶꒱ა Pairings : Me Me Me!!! x You!!!

૮꒰ྀི∩´ ᵕ `∩꒱ྀིა W.K. : 715

໒꒰ྀིᵔ ᵕ ᵔ ꒱ྀི১ Tags/CW&TW :Extreme descriptions of gore and death!!! As well as some extremely concerning thoughts of physical harm onto one’s self and others and of “attractions” to death!! I do not condone any actions in this story, so simply think of it as such, a story! Thank you and merry reading!~ <3

໒꒰ྀི˶˙Ⱉ˙˶꒱ྀིა Author’s note : ૮꒰˶ᵔ ᗜ ᵔ˶꒱ა˖⁺‧₊˚ Love y’all! Just feelin’ angsty lol!

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

I want to be splattered against a wall.

I want you to watch as my blood drips down, rolling through the groves and cracks of the wall.

I want you to be covered in my blood from the blow, to know something of mine, my essence is covering you…

I want to see you as you realize chunks of my body as blown across you. When you brush a part of my brain matter off you.

I want to hear you whimper as you taste my blood in your mouth. You had been staring – open mouthed – as I exploded against the wall.

I want you to walk up and slip on my discarded skin. Pieces lie – strewn across the floor. Your face as you collapse into the puddle of my blood would look so nice.

I want you to accidentally look into one of my eyes as it rolls over to you, to make eye contact with the discarded thing. Looking at me and only me.

I want to feel your fingers run across my exposed guts, feather-light touches on my sensitive insides. Places I shouldn’t be able to feel now able to feel you touch.

My body will turn and churn and bubble and groan. My insides will empty themselves and become hollow for you.

I want you inside of me. Use me. Take me. Pick up the skin that was once my face and wear it like a mask. Hold my hand as you peel back the layers of skin that hold its bone, rip the nails out and start with the fingers. Climb inside of my exposed chest cavity and play with me like a puppet. Push your hand up my esophagus – the blood forcing itself into my chest and out my nose hole and gapping, toothless mouth – and push your fingers behind my lips to force my mouth open. Feel my cold tongue beneath your fingers and press your nails into my exposed gums. Push your fingers pass my sinuses and through my nose cavity, wiggle them through the hole like worms will when they eat my corpse. Pull and push the muscle in my eye sockets, slowly squeezing the blood out, ringing the flesh dry of the substance.

Watch as bugs crawl into my body, under small patches of barely clinging on skin, as they rummage around and begin to clean my bones of this awful rot.

As they trail between your fingers in order reach other places on my body. To continue to consume what’s left of my flesh.

As they stop to taste you, only to realize you’re still alive and to continue to eat me.

Do you feel guilt? Or do you feel anguish? I want to know the answer as my eyeless, toothless, skinless body stares up at you. As you watch a centipede move through the ear that’s only attached by a strand of flesh and muscle and come out one of my eye sockets.

Because don’t fret, I adore this feeling. The feeling of my body being tormented in ways I could never describe to another person. A part of me wants to watch as you cry and sob over my death, saying that I’m “TOO YOUNG! THEY WERE TOO YOUNG TO DIE!” But another part wants to watch as you beat the person responsible for doing this to me, as you beat them in to a bloody paste to match my own.

But the smallest part of me? Deep deep down inside of me? Wants you to love this feeling just as much as me. To love the arousal pooling in my puss filled gut as my stomach opens with a sick *pop!* noise and my internal acid spills out. As my intestines slowly unwind themselves from each other, breathing for the first and last time. As my lungs fill with blood and push my heart closer and firmer against my rib cage with squelching noises to boot.

And watch as you fall into a sick, arousal filled insanity as you realize that you are the reason I’m like this. You are the reason I am bloody and disgusting and dead. I tried to help you. Tried to save you. And this is my repayment. You did this.

And I couldn’t be happier at that fact.

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

[magnumdays]

Magnum PI 5.10 ‘Charlie Foxtrot’ review

So lots of stuff happened and at the same time not that much stuff happened. Some rapid fire thoughts.

(spoilers...obviously)

We did get some Miggy heart eyes... never gets old!

For me I think the first 5 minutes and the last 5 minutes were the best.

I liked it but also preferred the season 4 ‘Higgy spy adventures - MI6 don’t care about you...I do’ mid season finale to this (I mean there was the x-mas one too but plot-wise it was the spy episode that was the season finale right?). Like IDK, more emotional impact in that one was better?

Maybe Magnum should have been the one that got snatched or shot here. Just saying.

Poor Cade! Like even though TC is the one that got shot and paralysed (:O) I feel worse for our poor baby Cade!

RIP Childs, you were just starting to grow on me. No funeral? Is that going to be the start of 5.11? Or do we just not care enough about Childs for there to be one?

Very little Miggy in this one, even if soft + banter was cute, I feel like it was a pretty quick flip from kind of feel-y end of 5.09 to start of 5.10 which was all banter though really was meant to be like what? half an hour apart?

(Magnum being domestic and making Higgy food (or hot milk) and stuff has been like the running theme of this season and I want to nominate him for some boyfriend of the year award. Not just for the cooking but, you know, a little bit for that.)

(Higgy just keeps on going - seriously she was drugged and had crazy wacky nightmares like a few hours ago? This girl can not catch a break.)

Why is it so hard to make a villain still scary after learning their motives/backstories? 

Anyways...

Higgy sharing recipes from childhood, Magnum being all ‘you’ve had a rough day, how about we take a break (from watching news stories about the lady who tried to kill you and totally drugged you up a few hours ago’ and stuff’ is adorable. We almost got the “why does Higgy not drink tea” story which now is a story I must know. Like come on! It’s almost as enticing as maybe one day learning what her tattoo is...

Juliet looking out the guest house window and noticing commandos - you cannot tell me that was legit not her worst fear coming true - and then our faves being all badass (that flip!), very much a good start.

Then, because I’d somehow gotten it into my head we were going to have ‘Robin’s Nest under siege’ for like a good chunk of the episode, I felt a little bummed out. Because I wanted like hostage, drama, no police, gang vs, baddies. But I didn’t get that.

Now, other than the fact that Rick is the person we’re looking for and TC is in the hospital, this case feels weirdly like just a normal case.

Don’t get me wrong, I liked it, but somehow it lacked a little of the ‘wow shocking! thrilling! excitement’ I’d hoped for in the mid-season finale. Maybe-just maybe because we kind of know Magnum, Higgins, Rick and TC and even Gordy and Kumu probably with 99% certainty aren’t going to die.

Which is nice.

But it also makes them being in danger less scary than for example say Cade had been taken or Suzy or even Childs (if he’d not gotten blown up.) Why Beth or Dennis being in danger is scarier than Rick. Because they could die. There is actual bad things that could happen.

I think that’s why Higgy in the mental hospital still felt scary and had lots of potential, because we knew she was going to be alive - we just wasn’t sure what kind of messed up visions, drugs, weird electro shock stuff that could have happened to her, right?

So I am kind of excited to see what they do with TC not being able to feel his feet/being paralyzed. Because you know, that is scary stuff, and super duper emotional and scaring to go through (good thing he rigged the chopper for Shammy to fly!)

Bad guy (well gal) of the season instantly became less badass when she became an actual person, which is sad. If that was her backstory of falling for a terrorist, dead child or just how not scary she felt IDK. I just felt a little sad for her.

Did it all also go kind of fast?

Fast can be good, it means it’s entertaining enough the 42 minutes flew by fast. But it also maybe means it was a little unmemorable. Which I think is what this episode ended up being for me.

Also random small question - would anyone ever get found or saved or stuff figured out without Higgy’s hacking skills? Just you know, asking for a friend...

(I’ve also been watching some K-dramas lately and IDK, I guess I wanted more melodrama and more cute-y feels and angsty accidental car accidents and evil CEO father figures than I got...)

Depressing for my Miggy heart, that this episode failed to really deal with Higgins ‘I’m scared Mangum will die’ worries and I doubt we’ll get it next “season”. Rather brought up Magnum’s worry about the gang maybe being broken up if TC or Rick didn’t pull through. Just because he said that and Rick made the video, I almost wondered if they would kill of Rick.

So when they didn’t it felt a little bland.

Mean of me to say, but that would have been pretty interesting and brave of them to do. Kill Rick I mean.

Like that would have been something! Suzy getting that video and it would also maybe be a “ahah” moment for Magnum, making him feel a little of what Juliet have been feeling with Richard and why she’s so worried. It could have gotten us a Miggy ‘I love you’ moment too, because though we know our two idiots love each other they haven’t said it yet.

Yeah, Rick’s death would have made for character development everyone too, going forward. Like maybe suddenly super over protective Magnum in the B part of the season? TC being suddenly a sad boi and not himself and struggling with a depression sort of thing, freaking Cade out, making him consider moving with his family on the mainland, making it worse. Higgy feeling like she failed the guys and Suzy because she was too focused on Magnum’s safety. Suzy could just be a big mess and we could have Miggy babysitting moments? But it’d be sad because Rick is dead... So much potential for angst and stuff.

Whatever. I’m not considering writing a fic where Rick died. I’m really not.

Anyways, I did like the ending with Cade and Higgy talking a lot. Higgy somehow being her normal ‘feelings?what are those’ while at the same time really saying awesome and uplifting things and just all around being the new spokes person for Happy Endings... 

They guys all joining up and it feeling pretty hopeful was nice too. It was a nice place to end it, because while I got some angst and worries about the TC recovery plot, he’s alive and kicking and got his friends. And he’s TC! Come on, he’s going to big bear his way back to running after bad guys in no time. And if he don’t, he still awesome!

(Though what happened to TC’s girl? Is she not his girl anymore? Did I miss something? Maybe she’ll show up in part B of the season!)

Yeah, over all I enjoyed the episode, but it did not feel super-duper much like a midseason finale. I’d also like to inform everyone that it’s 132 days until September 3rd. So basically forever! How will we ever survive!? I guess we do have some pretty epic Miggy fluff and content to re-watch...

Anyone know when we’ll know anything about season 6? 

[albatris]

Hiii tell me all about Nat I love him sm

:D!!!

Hi hello! Absolutely I can tell you about Nat! I’m glad you like him and thank you for the question!!

Here is a big ol' chunk of words, some bits I've nabbed from other posts, too :3

Nathaniel Felix Finch, a good boy, a sweet boy! He’s the protagonist of our silly little horror trilogy, much to his dismay

He’s 25 years old and works at Stop ‘N’ Go 24/7 Petrol and Convenience, where he is prone to falling asleep on the register and shoplifting (both encouraging it and participating in it <3). He’s a bit of a hermit, not because he doesn’t want friends, but because he’s awkward, anxious and paranoid. He’s got schizotypal personality disorder like me, so it’s tough for him to engage with the world and feel comfortable

His story kicks off when he wakes up on the side of the road in his rental car covered in dirt with no memory of the past nine days. All attempts to return to regular life are quickly thwarted when it becomes apparent he’s turning into something inhuman and ravenous. He spends a week in agony and coughing up blood and almost passing out in public and being starving and existing in constant sensory overload… which reaches a gory climax when he kills and eats someone in a botched robbery of his petrol station and he's like Ah Fuck Apparently I’m A Vampire Somehow And I Just Ripped Someone’s Throat Open I’m Going To Go Have A Panic Attack Now

He is yoinked from mortal peril by shifty fucking bastard with a mile long list of ulterior motives perfectly ordinary kind selfless human person Quinn Cooper, and a bonkers plot ensues <3 Book one mostly sees Nat struggling with his new condition and trying to figure out what happened in his blackout and why he got vampired, and slowly uncovering the grim secrets Quinn is hiding. Book two and three wander into more “Nat Finch Is Going To Kill And Eat Vampire God (The Garble)” territory

What to say about Nat… hm…

He’s an excited, friendly, cuddly lad, if you can get past his layers upon layers of anxiety! He loves people although he’s afraid of them, and believes people are good and that he can do good in the world. He’s prone to bouts of depression and apathy on occasion, though, and especially struggles to balance his kind, gentle nature with the fact that he now has to eat people to survive. He's got a big existential crisis coming hahahaha

He loves animals! He regularly donates to wildlife charities despite not having that much money to begin with, and used to volunteer at a cat café for rescue cats (with Yvonne, another of our main characters!), and only stopped due to his social anxiety. He has a sweet little rescue kitty named Grub, who's just the scrungliest ugliest thing you've ever seen (he'll cry if he hears you say that, though). He's been a vegetarian since he was 17, and still considers himself one despite the fact that he's now an entire vampire who preys on humans. So you get like..... bits in the story where Nat drains some guy like a capri sun then the next day is like "no I can't come to check out the new Korean BBQ place with you Quinn I'm a vegetarian :((( you'll have to take someone else :((("

He's also a good cook and especially loves cooking for other people and sharing meals! This is one of the most common ways he shows affection :3 If Nat drills you about your favourite food and offers to cook it for you sometime, this means he wants to be friends :-) Most of his dishes are vegetarian, but if he really, really likes you he’ll cook meat as long as you ask nicely

He loves to be useful! He’ll gladly rush around and help with errands or putting furniture together or organising things. If you tell him you appreciate him or he did a good job he will bask in that compliment for weeks like a golden retriever that’s just been told it’s a good boy haha

Tragically he can be a bit of a doormat, especially at the start of the story. Though he pretended to be fine with his solitary lifestyle and loneliness, he’s always desperately wanted connection and friendship, and this makes him prone to letting people take advantage of him or manipulate him.... purely because at least that way he feels "useful", and they're more likely to keep him around...... he improves a lot on this front, though, so don't fret! We get to see the lad's self-esteem improve! He initially doesn't really like himself that much, but the story gets to see him come into his own and find his values and worth....! He's a good, kind, intelligent person with a lot to offer, he just takes a while to figure it out!

Oh also he's a huuuuge drama queen and is completely willing to play up being sad and pathetic to get what he wants <3 this is an important Nat Fact to know

Hmmmmm.......... what else......

So, it becomes clear as the story goes on, he’s not exactly a regular vampire… he can access a lot more of the Garble hivemind’s power than other vampires can, which left unchecked can result in an overload of power affectionately referred to as Monster Mode Nat :P a big ol’ body horror vampire creecher! Violent and aggressive and jumpy, out of control. It’s usually a state of intense fear for him, something that occurs when he’s in very dire straits, when he or his friends are threatened, etc etc… a Nat too far in Protector Mode, basically, that can easily become dangerous even for the people he's meant to be defending. He is still able to recognise Friends, though it takes him more effort, but struggles to make sense of unfamiliar people as anything other than resources, food or threats

As far as regular vampire Nat in the day-to-day goes, he's prone to all the usual vampire instincts. He’s got extra anxiety and paranoia and jumpiness on top of what he already had, he's got that usual insatiable insufferable vampire curiosity, he loves to bask and be cosy and snuggle with friends. He can purr and it's extremely cute. He has a moderate to severe allergic reaction to sunlight though it won't kill him immediately, he struggles with garlic much to his despair as a cook, n he has an extremely high prey drive that he has to work very hard to manage

Oh and Nat mostly preys on rich pricks and abusive bosses, as well as the occasional creeps at bars, which is very valid of him <3

Anyway yeah! This has been Nat Posting with Monday! I hope you have enjoyed these Nat Facts <3

[no-psi-nan]

Real Answer:

I've cried about this before on here multiple times but this is my favorite line, and the one that made me an indefatigable Akechi stan:

Yeah I'll have feelings about this again, why not.

"I can still be your playmate" literally recontextualized the way I think about love hsfjdlshfks. Like. Play is such an essential part of living. Not just for humans, pretty much every animal we've ever studied turns out to engage in play when given the opportunity (feels safe, not hungry/thirsty).

And playing with others is especially important in social species! Notice how core playing is to human society: all games obviously, but also sports, gambling, a huge chunk of media dedicated to various games or using games as a base for a story, etc.

Anyways, Kusuo just hasn't gotten the opportunity to play, really play, since he was a small child. Even if those early games with Kusuke counted, they no longer did once Kusuke installed the limiters. After that, every game was tinted with the danger of basically losing his life should he lose, essentially destroying any fun that Kusuo could have gotten from it. Not at any point does Kusuo wish he could play a game with his brother again – it's something he would rather avoid at all costs.

And we can see that Kusuo does not really know how to play on his own either. When left to his own devices, he only reads/watches/plays shitty/obscure media, watches live TV, or stares at the ceiling. His powers prohibit him from doing a lot of things, and if he's up to anything else, it's usually training to improve his control (like when he threw a baseball back and forth a billion times to get better at it).

So when Akechi comes up with a game for Kusuo to play, it's actually groundbreaking. Especially because Akechi purposely does not place any limits on Kusuo in order to do it! That's HUGE!

Kusuke ALWAYS tries to limit Kusuo when they play, handicapping Kusuo in London with a GPS tracker and 2 friends to limit his power use, and using Toritsuka as a hostage during the Cat Tank arc (and there's no way Kusuke didn't shoot at Toritsuka directly multiple times to make Kusuo take the hit). The only time Kusuke doesn't handicap Kusuo is for the fireworks "birthday surprise", but that was explicitly because he was testing the limits of Kusuo's powers to adjust the Cat Tank.

On the other hand, Akechi doesn't put any limits on what Kusuo could do to play, and in fact, watches him obviously using his powers (specifically clairvoyance and distance telepathy). To him, Kusuo using his powers is not cheating, because Kusuo's powers are as much a part of him as his hands or eyes.

The wording of Akechi's comment in the first panel, "I guess [...] I'm still better than you when it comes to betting on horse races", and then "It seems there may still be plenty of things we can go head to head in", shows that Akechi didn't actually know whether he would be able to provide Kusuo with a challenge. And that he's happy he can! Because it means that he and Kusuo can play together!

And tbh, Akechi himself probably has trouble finding people who can keep up with him in games. He mentions in the same chapter that he doesn't have any friends and isn't even sure what social people do for fun, rip.

So anyways, it just really hit me that the ability to be playmates is so important for a deep personal relationship. Like if you can't feel safe enough to relax and be silly and vulnerable, and try new and different things together, how good is that relationship really, y'know??

Yeah. That line gets me every time lol.

Stupid Answer:

Love that he's trying so hard to take the conversation away from anything that could mess up the manga rating but as soon as someone makes an incorrect statement about dick, he immediately has to correct them with penis ethnography. We stan this pan king lmao.

My special interest is cock and brother, I'm about to start info-dumping.