#this story is. very. very important
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
scrapbook snippet: the origin of the bloodfinch
this is a piece of bloodfinch worldbuilding that was more fun to write up as a story than as notes - here you go! it's about 700 words, and it's set long before the time of the story. this is how the story would be told in finch's time
-
In the time before the king was King, and was but a man, he had a brother.
The two were inseparable in the way of the sides of a coin: opposites, but bound together until they seemed to be one creature. The elder was Cynefrith, and he was humble, a hand-worker, a healer and harpist, steady as a sun-warmed stone. The younger was Wilnoth, and he was bold, a story-teller, weaving between tales of the saints and tales of his own battlefield exploits with ease, for theirs was a time of battle and unrest. Warlords fought and scrabbled for territory, clinging to the edges of their lands with blood-soiled fingertips, and it was Cynefrith who believed most strongly that this could not go on. Upon their father’s death, Cynefrith intended to approach other warlords with open hands, speaking words of peace, forging alliances and treaties so that all could flourish. He spoke often of this to Wilnoth.
But it was not to be.
As their father lay on his deathbed, Cynefrith left his bedside and walked a secret path into the forest. He was a healer, but he knew the limits of his power. It was his habit to seclude himself when a hard battle had been lost, and though his father still clung to life, Cynefrith, his heir, would have no time to grieve alone after his death.
So Cynefrith walked, alone, singing to himself as he went, the better to calm the ache in his heart.
Wilnoth eventually took his place at their father’s bedside, to keep him company, but he expected Cynefrith to return soon.
And Cynefrith did not.
And Wilnoth said, “He will return before our father passes,” and all believed him.
But their father’s breathing weakened, his pulse faltered, and still Cynefrith did not return.
Wilnoth could not leave their father’s bedside, but it was a time of unrest, and he was shrewd in the ways of war, and he ordered warriors out to search for Cynefrith, and they went. The night stretched out, dark and cold, a chill in the air that settled into the bones of all who saw the emptiness at Wilnoth’s side.
When their father died, near dawn, Wilnoth did not weep, but he rose and said, “All must join the search, but do not tell Cynefrith of what has happened in his absence; bring him to me, that I may tell him, in the way of family.”
And all scattered into the forest, bearing lanterns, and Wilnoth was among them. In the early light of daybreak, he searched, ceaseless, calling out the name of his brother, until finally he remembered Cynefrith’s secret path. And he followed it, loud and clarion in the new sunlight, and he came to a clearing nestled between groves of graceful trees, and he saw his brother resting in a bed of flowers.
Wilnoth called to him, and thought him asleep, and touched his arm to wake him, and Cynefrith did not stir, his body cold and pale with dew, for Cynefrith was dead.
For a day and a night, Wilnoth wept, sick with grief for his father and his brother, and his men took Cynefrith’s body back to their village and found that Cynefrith had been stabbed, dried blood crusting over his back, and they spoke of rival warlords, of revenge. But Wilnoth, who had not left the clearing with his brother, returned on the next bright morning, and he spoke to them as a king.
Wilnoth spoke of a vision, of a bloodred bird, impaled through the heart but singing merrily, and wherever its blood touched the ground, there grew flowers. And a heavenly voice sounded, and it told Wilnoth this: that the bloodfinch could sing for twenty years so injured before dying, and that the flowers of its death-blood would give him strength. And in exchange for this strength, he must be the one to unite the land, not through the treaties Cynefrith spoke of, but through power. And when there was one kingdom, healed and whole under one banner, then Cynefrith’s death would not be in vain.
Having spoken thus, Wilnoth, for he loved his brother, left his people to seek out the bloodfinch.
#this story is. very. very important#bloodfinch#birl's scrapbook#birl writes#bloodfinch worldbuilding
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
I don’t think yall understand how meaningful it is to have Oliver say “when you close your eyes it all feels the same” (kissing on screen). The fact that he doesn’t laugh it off, or say he had to push through it, or that it was a little weird like other actors have in the past is so incredibly important. This is him portraying a character and his sexuality, and it’s so validating to have the actor do his job the way Oliver has, in such a caring, positive way. It’s the feeling of finally belonging, of blending in when you’ve been marginalized and picked out all your life. Love is love, and a kiss is just a kiss.
#this post is specifically for real life and not the plot of the story#for Buck the kiss is obviously very important#this is about Oliver and his job and yall get my drift#911 fox#911#911 tv show#evan buckley#evan buck buckley#oliver stark#911 abc#911 spoilers#911 show#911 season 7#911 on abc#911 s7#911 season seven#911 s7 ep4#bucktommy#buck x tommy#tommy x buck#tommy kinard
4K notes
·
View notes
Text
once again thinking about jason as duke’s robin. he’s ~4 years younger than jason, and that puts him at 8-12 during Jason’s time as robin. that’s prime time to get attached to your local kid vigilante before your own life goes downhill.
and if we try to keep duke’s meeting with bruce in zero year + duke’s age (so he can remember the meeting and hold that conversation with bruce), he has to be around 8. if he starts following batman through the news at that time because of the mess that just happened, the robin he sees is probably jason. I’ve literally connected the dots
#we are not of course keeping zero year itself. what a mess.#maybe smth very similar so it’s still the riddler causing mass chaos!#the titans so we actually keep the no robin physically present in the story part the same#look. if we want zero year convo we need to give bruce a robin at the time. it could be 17-18yr old who’s not even in gotham bc he’s with#by time tim shows up he’s already attached to jason#and then steph’s robin suddenly for a bit but only for a bit. and then tim comes back but he’s in bludhaven for a while#i do think duke would think steph is really cool tho. and they reasonably couldve met as civilians#and then duke’s busy bouncing around foster homes the streets and looking for his parents#i wanted to talk about how much i love it and the tags are just be working out a timeline for post crisis events & post flashpoint ones (an#some of duke’s important events are related to things which are no longer canon. such is life. let’s do our best based on ages)#duke thomas#jason todd
3K notes
·
View notes
Note
i love your riddle design so much, he's so pointy and british. so gracious. do you think he would enjoy a brazilian goiabada
thank you! ❤️🖤❤️ it's just. important to me on a level I can't explain that Riddle have an extremely pointy nose that he can stick into everyone else's business.
also goiabada is sweet and fruity and red, I think he would like it very much indeed!
not me stealth-editing because I forgot his antenna whoops
#art#twisted wonderland#me: riddle's nose is important to me (draws him without a nose)#a study in contrasts?#regardless it is my power as a fanartist to let riddle eat sweets and by god i'm going to use it#i also love british riddle. briddle. it's just RIGHT.#i think about how someday the anime will come out and get dubbed and riddle is going to have Generic Anime Boy Voice#instead of the most over-the-top prim little benedict cumberbatch accent like he does in my HEART#and the world shall be poorer for it. alas.#i also think it would be VERY funny if malleus had a super exaggerated french accent because something something french fairytale#i am probably alone in this however#(sorry still trying to catch up on everything!)#(all of my focus has been going towards Deadlines so hopefully i will have space to think...eventually :')#(i still have some main story things cookin' and i JUST finished tsumsted 3: the squeakquel so uhhh)#(there may be a bit of a flood at some point. you've been warned.)
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
when people refer to canon story-relevant kingdom hearts games as ‘spinoffs’ it makes me sad not only for the obvious reasons i always say but also bc like man i WISH this series had spinoffs. imagine what they could do if they had permission from nomura to truly go off the rails and ignore the greater canon for a second and just do some fun whimsical plotless thing in an alternate universe. imagine a fishing/boating game on destiny islands. kh fighting game. it is an injustice that we have been deprived of kingdom karts. can anyone hear me
#in terms of alternate gameplay and lack of reliance on plot#i feel like melody of memory is the closest thing kh has actually had to a spinoff#but even that is important in its own way in the end#union cross to a certain degree as well what with being an online multiplayer gacha type game#its original concept i would definitely classify as a spinoff game#bc it was set in a totally different world and time period and was supposed to be about customization and fun with friends#and nomura or someone said it wasn’t meant to be connected to the plot#but then like. he did very much go and give it a plot. like he went back on that almost immediately#and even then. given that the game is still very much combat and exploration#even from the beginning can it really be called a spinoff? it’s just kh in a different format#i’m talking like a game in which the objective is something totally different.#racing game or cooking game or fighting game or (another) rhythm game#ace attorney style detective game. dancing game. dude i don’t know#there are so many different flavors they could go with here#alas nomura is allergic to genuine whimsy which is hilarious given that this is a disney series#like he apparently was like ‘ohhh should we really let sora in smash? would it make sense in the story?’#my brother in christ surely we’re not supposed to interpret this as canon to kh right? right????#i guess it’s just that the kh franchise has a very specific pristine vibe he wants to maintain#which is disney shenanigans as a seasoning on top of a main dish of Stone Cold Serious Anime Plot#kingdom hearts#kh#mine: kh
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
Good morning, Sleepyhead.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#'WWX was asleep for 4 days' is an incorrect factoid.#The average WWX sleeps for 8 hours. The PD-MDZS WWX who was asleep for 40 comics and 4 months is an outlier.#We are back to present day! I have missed drawing them!#Ah...the contrast between how the flashback ended (cold and distrustful) to how wwx wakes up (warm and watched over)...#The gap between the past and present is very important. Not just in this story but in our lives too.#The past can still hurt and it doesn't just go away with time as some say. It is the power of realizing that things have changed.#We can't get the good back. The bad memories have concluded. Those live somewhere else now.#It is hard to realize that you have to live for today and tomorrow. The past is so loud.#For WWX it is realizing that despite the mistrust in the past - He really does have faith that LWJ will be there for him.#It is the reflection of knowing that you changed and will keep changing and that change is good and kind sometimes.#But more importantly...and this I really do mean with all my heart:#It will all end up okay in the end. Even after the worst day. The most painful losses. You will get through it.#What feels like a breaking point is truthfully just another step you have to take. You'll get through it even though it feels like the end.#There are wonderful things you have yet to see. Friends you have yet to meet.#Even if it hurts so badly...one day it just aches. Someday you'll go a few weeks not remembering that it ever hurt.#Oh and because my izutsumi comic revealed many people were in need of hearing this:#You are loved. Right now. You are so loved right now. We just forget to tell each other that.#Go tell the people you love that they matter to you. I'm assigning you homework!!! You are graded on completion.
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
#twst#twisted wonderland#idia shroud#book 7 spoilers#twst spoilers#gif#new live2d expressions for an already existing character.. oh im so blessed by this#i really hope they'll keep adding more expressions to charas#well not very likely unless its important to the story but i can dream. i can dream
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
Did you think I was done? Ahahahaha no, I have more.
Because chapter 70 of MOMU gave me the very dynamic between them that I missed so much, I just blacked out and started drawing uncontrollably lmao
Also. ALSO. I noticed a while ago that Prowl has the habit of..like…constantly frowning. So. I did a bit of research and made this graph.
In 70 chapters, Prowl frowns rougly 104 times. And the intensity of this gesture is very clearly correlated with the development of his relationship with Jazz, as you can see ahahahahah It might be wrong tho don’t take me seriously I’m not good with graphs
#maccadam#transformers#prowl#jazz#jazzprowl#fic fanart#momu fanart#I just#mmmmm#For the whole fic Prowl had to think twice about everything Jazz says#every information could end up being wrong#sometimes even without Jazz realising it#so when Prowl says#he’s trusting Jazz. it’s.#also it totally wasn’t me googling ‘believing and trusting nuance difference in english’#the moment I realised the difference I think my brain started rollercoaster loops#he can’t believe him but he found enough faith to trust him#while. YES. For the whole story Jazz couldn’t fucking be believed#list e n#Jazz did a lot of things for Prowl#fucktons of big and small gestures to show that yes he likes loves and appreciates Prowl#I’m so happy Prowl is returning this energy#like#remember that scene a while back when Jazz kissed Prowl? Cool cool okay. Did Prowl kiss him? nope. It was one sided gestures#*gesture. That kiss didn’t make me feel like it’s truly something precious because Jazz started it but Prowl didn’t do quite the same#but this👆. This feels so much more important for me. Because Prowl#who is for the whole story was mister I calculate every chance of possible betrayal. Prowl whos entire personality is to trust nobody#Prowl goes. Fuck that I trust you. You feel me?#it wouldn’t be the same if he said I love you. Because love is very much something you don’t have a lot of control over.#but to trust someone? It’s a choice Prowl had to consciously make. You see what I mean? I love it. oh fuck I ran out of tags..
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
you know me, in the way that matters most.
#trigun#trigun anime#trigun fanart#vash#vash the stampede#wolfwood#nicholas d. wolfwood#vashwood#I JUST!!! i love the way 98 goes about invoking its overarching Themes And Questions#how the story began with ''who is vash the stampede?'' when it was a very literal#there are 60.000.000.000 outlaws w big guns on this planet and any one of them could be him#which slowly became ''but who IS he. behind the legend. behind the personas. Who Is He really?''#and then wolfwood asks. and ''i've only known you as the stampede''#but that's not true. it's not the only way he's known him. it was always more than that.#anyways do u guys ever make something that's So Important to u u are RELUCTANT TO SHARE IT LMAO#i've been holding this one very very tightly for MONTHS dhfkjghdfk
4K notes
·
View notes
Text
vitedmins
#hollow knight#quirrelmon#quirrel#monomon the teacher#hollow knight gijinka#this is so low effort im sorry#hes taking his vitedmins#very important for being a mom (to be) :]]]#yes that sort of vitamin. it's a long story. that may have spawned from a Conversation or two with a dear friend :]#queruloustea#maybe this is a specific in-joke about Babpy Related Vitedmins but truly the top image could be used for anything#take your meds friends :]
576 notes
·
View notes
Note
I just have a quick question. Is Titania a part of your little fairy ask thing? I only ask because she and Oberon are seen as the rulers of all Fay creatures. This is mostly due to a funny thought of Jorgen telling someone that he doesn't actually make Da Rules, just inforce them.
After the Great Fairy Wars, Titania and Oberon receded from public view. Nobody's seen them since the wars ended. In fact, the current Fairy Generations have never so much as heard their names outside of history books. They're more like myths than real fairies.
Timmy likes visiting their statues at the Fairies' Supreme Courthouse, though. They have an air of calm and somberness to them. It's a nice place for a respite whenever he feels overwhelmed.
Bitties Series: [Start] > [Previous] > [Next]
#fairly oddparents#fop#fop a new wish#fop timmy#fop timmy turner#timmy turner#asks#itty bitties fop au#ficks of fancy2#the only ones who may have seen them are the leisure court fairies who survived the wars like jorgen and tooth fairy#but none of them brings this up or bothers correcting new fairies who thinks they're just myths or legends#they dont. really talk about the wars. or about the past.#but also bcs the wars aren't the main focus of the story so these two are more like worldbuilding tibbits!!! very fun!!#they exist!!! but they're not important to the overall story#ALSO YIPPIE I GOT TO REUSE THE TIMMY DRAWING !!!
417 notes
·
View notes
Text
"Kindness isn't a survival skill."
#the wild robot spoilers#poetic cinema#brightbill#roz the wild robot#the wild robot#fink the fox#longneck the wild robot#wild robot's dialogue is top notch#a good number of lines serve an importance for its thematic weight of nature vs nuture#funny how life works?#masterful line right there#embodies the very core of wild robot's story#hope can blossom even through terrible tragedies
384 notes
·
View notes
Text
Prev / Next / Beginning / Pillowfort
TW: Drug Use - Marijuana
Transcript under the cut
Jonathan & Malcolm: Grandma Queenie!
Queenie: Hello boys. I see your mother is taking yet another trip out of state.
Jonathan: Mommy is making a house for a movie star!
Queenie: Hmm. Well. You two must be hungry. Poor things. Come inside, I’ll have lunch prepared.
Malcolm: I want peanut butter and grape jam with no crust on them!
Queenie: Anything for my boys.
Nancy: We can leave now. Take me to the airport, Andrew.
Driver: Yes, Mrs. Landgraab.
Nancy Narrates: [If I spent too much time with my sons at home, I was losing focus on the business. If I was buried under my work, then I was neglecting them. No matter what I did, there was no pleasing her]
Nancy Narrates: [So I focused on my work and on my friendship with Judith. Each time I flew out to Del Sol Valley to check on the progress of The Ward Den, I’ve grown to know the global superstar. I’ve grown to love her too]
Nancy Narrates: [I was beginning to realize, wealth was one thing. Fame was something entirely different. For the first time in my life, people looked at me, not through me and I had Judy to thank for that]
Fan: Oh my god! I love your movies, Ms. Ward! We’re your biggest fans!
Judith: Oh, how cute. Who can I make this out to?
Fan: Oh, please Mrs. Landgraab, can I have your autograph?
Nancy: You want my autograph? Really?
Fan: Oh, yes please! I admire everything you do! God, I want to be you! A power woman. Ah! Meeting you feels like a dream!
Nancy: I- wow. I’d be happy to.
Judith: You were born to be a star, Nan.
Nancy Narrates: [And as promised, I gave her the house of her dreams, with the view of the entire world from her balcony]
-
[cork pop]
Judith: WOO! Time to pregame before the real party starts, Nan!
Nancy: [exhales] Hmm. I haven’t smoked pot since college.
Judith: It’s legal in DSV. I even got a prescription for it, for anxiety.
Nancy: If I wasn’t an east coast girl, I’d consider moving out here.
Judith: The Hills isn’t just for movie stars, you know. You’re making quite the name for yourself and there’s a calling for talented female architects. You could tap into the market like nothing.
Nancy: No, I’d never hear the end of it. My mother hates what I’m doing. The Landgraabs are supposed to be noble, humble philanthropist not celebrity icons.
Judith: Fuck her, respectfully. I divorced my parents and was emancipated at 16 so I could protect my assets and my goddamn sanity. I don’t regret it one bit. You have your own name to consider. That old bag can stuff it.
Nancy: Right.. I don’t want to ruin my high, darling. Let’s change the subject.
Judith: Alright. So tell me, friend. What else haven’t you done since college?
Nancy: [snorts] Not much. I was a very good girl.
Judith: Oh bullshit. There’s no cameras here, you don’t have to put on a show for me.
Nancy: I’m serious. I hit the books. Partied very little. Went to church every Sunday.
Judith: And apparently you smoked pot.
Nancy: [smirks] Apparently so.
Judith: You are such a little mystery to me.
Nancy: Maybe that’s a good thing.
Judith: Give me something. I tell you everything, I don’t want this to be one sided.
Nancy: [hums] I guess, when I was younger, I had- thoughts of sorts. I still do.
Judith: Thoughts? About?
Nancy: I guess...thoughts about women.
Judith: Oh, honey, don’t we all!
Judith: I think that’s normal. Women are passionate creatures! We love with our whole selves, with our mind, our body, our entire being. We crave likeness, at least I do. I feel incredibly sated in talking with you than with a man, even if he was a lover.
Nancy: I’m not talking about friendship, Judy.
Judith: No? Oh!
Judith: Ahhh, I see! You know, I do think women are very sexy. Not sure if I could commit to the whole eating pussy thing. I could receive it though. You?
Nancy: I think about it so much that I fear the desire for it will consume me.
Nancy: The wanting—the ache—is so deep inside of me that nothing can reach it. I used to be able to ignore it, but now it just sits there, tormenting me and gnawing at me from the inside. I’ve.. never said it out loud before until now.
Judith: [gasps softly] Oh my.
Nancy: [sniffs] You think that’s strange?
Judith: No, I think it’s hauntingly beautiful. Have you ever thought about fulfilling those desires?
Nancy: You mean... go sleep with a woman?
Judith: Why not?
Nancy: I’m married. I could never do something like that to my husband. Besides, it’s just silly, little thoughts. It means nothing.
Judith: It hardly means nothing, Nan. Listen, I love ya to pieces. Should you ever choose to do what you want and lose some control, I will love you then too.
-
Nancy Narrates: [Lose control? The very thing that I clung to in this life? I couldn’t fathom it. Who would I be if I gave into the things I truly wanted]
Nancy Narrates: [So, when it came to a lesson in losing control-]
Nancy Narrates: [life introduced me to Lily Feng]
Lily: Mind if I sit my drink here?
Nancy: No, not all.
Lily: You’ll have to forgive me, I am a bit nervous. It’s not everyday I get to meet my idol. I hear you designed The Ward Den, it’s marvelous.
Nancy: Thank you. A little out of my element, but I liked the challenge. I didn’t catch your name.
Lily: Lillian Feng. You can call me Lily, if you like.
Nancy: Are you from here?
Lily: Oh, no. I’m from Tomarang, originally. I live in San Myshuno. I’m new to the area, still getting my footing in my practice.
Nancy: My office is in San Myshuno. What do you do?
Lily: I’m an interior designer. I own and manage a small, modest firm. Popular in the east, but I’m hoping to make a name for myself here in the states.
Nancy: You own your own firm? Wow, that’s- amazing. I don’t meet many women in your position. Especially not in this field.
Lily: It certainly wasn’t easy. I have to claw my way to the top. When it’s a man’s game, you can’t play it nice and safe, although I’m sure you’re aware.
Nancy: Unfortunately so. Have you any prospects since moving to San Myshuno?
Lily: [tsks] It’s quite the competitive market. There appears to be a whole network I can’t seem to tap into. I have had my eyes on the Dreamer project.
Nancy: [blushes] Ah well, it’s likely because of me- well, my company. I’ve yet to acquire it. Anyway, it’s who you know that gets you through the door in this business. The Landgraab Co. tops the market.
Lily: What a shame. That would make you my biggest competition, wouldn’t it? And such a pretty threat too.
Nancy: Ah. Well. That’s...kind of you to say. Um.
Lily: Oh, my drink!
Nancy: I-I can grab it for you-
Lily: Don’t fuss, I’ll get it.
Nancy: [gasps]
Lily: Now, we were talking about the Dreamer Project. So, you’re familiar with it?
Nancy: Mhm..
Lily: I hear the City Council is looking to expand San Myshuno with an entirely new district. It will be the biggest project of the decade.
Nancy: Mhm. Y-yes.
Lily: Any chance that Mayor Dreamer made a inquiry with the Landgraab Company?
Nancy: I...I can’t say.
Lily: [chuckles] I’m only teasing. I know you’d never reveal your hand so easily. Besides, it should be a given. The project sounds perfect for the Landgraabs, being as though the Dreamers are likely interested in classical architecture.
Nancy: Actually, the project is more modern. High tech.
Lily: Huh. Is it now? Who would have thought?
Lily: It’s been a pleasure speaking with you. I’m happy to have met you.
Nancy: [breathlessly] I’m happy to have met you too. Are you leaving?
Lily: I have an early flight. The city never sleeps, and neither do I.
Lily: But I’m sure you’ll see me around.
#the art of being seen#the landgraabs#tw drugs#cw drugs#alot of dialogue#lengthy but very important#nancy landgraab#Nancy pls lock in#judith ward#lily feng#sims 4 simblr#sims 4#ts4 simblr#sims 4 stories#sims
282 notes
·
View notes
Note
Where can you play ride kamens? It looks fun looking at your blog but idk where to play
it'll doesn't start until the 30th, but there's some pre-release episodes/character bits that are scattered around the website and twitter! (the links to pre-reg/download are also on the website :D)
honestly I'm really enjoying it just based off of the pre-release stuff, these characters look like they're going to be exactly that blend of ridiculous and emotionally constipated that hits me so right.
#art#ride kamens#no no i get it though water tastes DIFFERENT#anyway i'm trying not to read too much into the zangetsu/ryuugen meta but also#whenever takato opens his mouth i'm like 'this man would absolutely steal a baby'#man i almost don't even care about the actual game i'm having enough fun with the marketing#these morons are already important to me and i don't even know what their deal is#(this is very off-topic but i've always thought it would be fun to someday do one of those things)#(where the story is told entirely through an outside framework)#(like fake game manuals or posts about shows that don't exist and things like that)#(i think it's commonly used for horror but i just! like it in general!)#(an exercise in minimalism! this character has three sentences of canon and three thousand fanfics about them)#(what i'm saying is that ride kamens is proving that i can get invested based on absolutely nothing okay)
523 notes
·
View notes
Text
Sandman <3 For all those who have been asking about the other Moons in GITM, here is one I can finally show you! Sandman is a Moon animatronic from Ghost in the Machine <3 His origins are, for now, a mystery ~
#sandman#gitm au#ghost in the machine au#qwilledraws#been waiting to share this guy for a long time#he wont feature in the fic for a while...#but he is very important!#to the story and to me <3#fnaf moon#dca fandom#fnaf daycare attendant#fnaf dca
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
I've been doing a lot of reflection as of late, especially after this past class.
This past class was about the Torah and Tanakh in general, and the way the rabbi talked about the commandments (specifically the ten commandments) has made me really reflect on how I interpret them, specifically the fifth commandment, or honoring your mother and father.
This is a commandment I have wrestled with for a long time - in fact, it brought me away from g-d at multiple times. I was severely abused when I was incredibly young by my mother, and I used to feel insulted at the implication that I were to honor her while she got to live a better life. It was hypocritical, in my eyes.
But this rabbi surmised that this particular commandment was because parenthood is an act of creation, something that is like the g-d from which we come from. My realization is this: I don't think we're necessarily meant to take even these commandments literally.
I this particular commandment is more of a call to honor creation - creation is a gift, and like any gift, many people simply will not like it and will discard it. The person who abused me created me, but she did not honor creation. She didn't honor me, but I can still honor it.
I have started to honor creation much more. I'm too young, too unstable, not mature enough to be a father (though I fantasize about it), but I create all the time. I create relationships, I create with my hands through crochet. I create memories, I create my world. And I can honor who I am and where I came from that made me who I am. I've been learning one of the mother tongues of my family (Italian, since part of my family originates there) and it was judaism that inspired me to do this.
I don't think g-d wants me to honor my abuser. I think He wants me to remember the Holy action of creation. When I am a father, that act of creation will be Holy, and indeed, I am already joyful about the thought.
I have seen many people struggle with this particular commandment, but I think this perspective helps me personally. I don't think I ever have to forgive my abusers (plural), and I don't think I am commanded to simply because they happened to be family. I am commanded to recognize the holy, to elevate the mundane. In doing so, I will remember g-d. Through creation, I honor g-d and everything he has done for us, for me, and for our collective people.
#jumblr#jew by choice#jewish conversion#personal thoughts tag#abuse tw#i am not sharing this for the sake of pity and i also ask not to be told to divulge my abuse story. that isn't relevant#i have been needing to engage with this topic for a long time though and judaism has helped me a bit in navigating healing#but i decided to share this publicly in the hopes it will help other survivors specifically of familial/parental abuse#i know how it feels (in general). it's so lonely and you can really harbor (understandable) baggage about this particular commandment#i have a meeting with My Rabbi (sponsoring rabbi) and i might bring this up. we've only spoken once face-to-face (zoom)#so that might be really Intense to bring up to him but he is very kind and i trust him (which is why he is My Rabbi)#and he has already told me that he WANTS me to wrestle with g-d and His word *with* him#again i am posting this publicly so i can document my thoughts and keep them straight but also with the hope it MIGHT help others#if it even *casually* inspires another survivor i will feel so grateful (though it is THEIR achievement and not mine to claim)#i want us to survive. i want us to eat well. i want us to smile#i will say that this must be a very sudden whiplash in tone from my last post about sex. from sex to awful horrific abuse#my stream of consciousness is just Like This though in the sense that i have very sudden realizations and tonal whiplashes#so you're just getting a very frank look into how my brain is structured and what my brain thinks are important enough to think about#if i seem much more verbose it's because i needed to write this on my laptop which makes typing and more importantly yapping even *easier*
285 notes
·
View notes