#this started with me remembering murder of sonic after seeing 3 and my brain went running from there

[starlightsigner]

Iced Avocado AU

coffee shop/alternate ending to Sonic 3 (movie spoilers) Shadow will find Sonic coffee in every universe <3

Two years after the end of movie 3 Shadow comes to Green Hills to fulfill Eggman's dying wish, deliver a message to Stone, who took up running the Mean Bean again

With no real plan or place to go after the message is delivered, Stone adopts offers Shadow a place and a job until he decides what he'd like to do next with his life

Taking him up on his offer, Shadow becomes Green Hills' newest barista

News travels fast in a small town and it doesn't take long for the Wachowski's to hear about who just moved into town

At first Sonic is just glad to know Shadow is alive, but he knows they could be friends if Shadow could just learn to chill and act his age -50 years

Shadow just knows that Maria loved life. She talked about the good in people and the joy of living. He hadn't seen much of it yet, and he didn't think he was going to see much of it in this small town, but his stay is just temporary. It doesn't matter that the people here aren't afraid of him, that the doctor's lovesick assistant treats him well, or that he's free to come and go and just BE as he pleases. He'll be gone sooner rather than later

If anything Shadow is starting to think that the longer he stays in Green Hills the worse off he may be. He thought Sonic's dad had forgiven him for the mistaken identity thing, but the more he hangs around the Wachowski home he cant help but feel his spines stand on end a bit when it's just the two of them. Not only that, but he's beginning to think this fresh mountain air is having negative side effects on him, why else would his heart start skipping beats whenever he sees streaks of blue?

Prologue

As the reactor core rapidly destabilizes Eggman knows he's out of time to tell the one person in the world who ever cared about him what his companionship meant to him, but as he prepares to go live he realizes the signal is to scrambled to even send out an audio file

Refusing to let his last words go unheard, he gives the file to Shadow, mumbling about how as improbable Shadow's survival would be he's come to realize how annoyingly resilient hedgehogs seem to be

After watching the Eclipse Cannon explode out of range of Earth's atmosphere, Stone sits in the streets of London, looking at another situation that no person could possibly survive. The last time he knew for sure the doctor would come back, this time he refused to acknowledge the part of himself that wasn't so sure.

What he did know for certain is that even though he'd been fired, he hadn't been cloned yet, and as long as he was Doctor Robotnik's assistant he would be sure that there would be an evil lair and a latte waiting for him when he returned

Meanwhile in an unknown corner of the world, Shadow pulls himself out of an impact crater, taking a moment to finally breathe before tracking down a man he barley knows on a planet that even 50 years later he knows even less

Two years later Stone's life is the closest to normal its been since before he joined Gun. Not everyone trusts him and most people still call him the 'weird bean guy' but that doesn't stop any of them from coming in daily or making the Mean Bean the top rated coffee shop on Yelp this side of Montana. It's only a matter of time before Cuppa Heaven falls to the Mean Bean's superiority, then the whole state will be his

While cleaning behind the counter after closing the locked front door rattles as someone tries to force it open. Stone calls out that they're closed and they can come back in the morning (he's got a date with a telenovela). The rattling stops and he goes back to cleaning his equipment

The cup that he was holding falls to the ground with a clang that's completely drowned out by Stone's shriek as a hooded figure teleports beside him

Before Stone can react Shadow removes his hood, complaining about how long his ears will be hurting from that

At first Stone is excited, if Shadow survived then surely the doctor could have as well! Finally a sign that he could be alright

But alas, not everyone can come back like in a soap opera

After receiving the doctor’s message Stone walks over to a table and pulls out a chair, absentmindedly also pulling one out for his guest

He starts musing about how the Mean Bean is where he set up operations to wait for the doctor to return after his last ‘hedgehog induced sabbatical’ so it felt fitting for him to come back here to wait out this one

Shadow asks what he means by wait it out, the doctor is dead. Stone just chuckles and slowly shakes his head, telling Shadow he'd be surprised to hear all of the impossible things the doctor had lived through, this was just the latest

Shadow eventually takes the empty chair next to Stone. He knows that the doctor is dead, he’s sure that Stone knows this even if he wont admit it, but he also can’t help but envy him. The doctor didn’t die right in front of him, he didn’t see the body. Even if the odds are a million to one, there’s a single drop of hope in an ocean of despair, and Stone has refused to let it be swallowed by the sea. As long as there’s a chance of ‘what if’

After a time Stone thanks Shadow for bringing the message to him and gets up to make him a latte as thanks, Shadow lets him know he'd prefer it black

As he works on the coffee he asks Shadow what he's been up to the past two years, about all it boiled down to was him looking for Stone. With no leads, little knowledge about Earth, and a need to stay out of sight, things went far slower then he was happy with

Well, what are you gona do now?

What indeed. Eventually Shadow looks down at his hands and admits that he doesn’t know. He had been so driven by revenge and then by the need to fulfill Eggman's last request (almost as if it were the start of some sort of penitence) that he never really took the time to figure that out. Without a goal, he’s found himself bereft of purpose

Stone stops to take a good look at the lost kid sitting across from him, maybe the doctor had sent him more than just a message

He offers Shadow a job at the Mean Bean, saying that Green Hills is a nice enough town and that while he’s more than able to run the place on his own it can get busy, humble brag but he had the best Yelp reviews for miles for a reason. + maybe a delivery service is what he needs to get the edge over Cuppa Heaven

He tells Shadow that he can think on it if he wants and he's free to hang around until he makes up his mind

Shadow scoffs at him, he's been fine on his own he doesn't need anyone's pity

Stone hands over the coffee before picking up the forgotten cup on the floor, cleaning it again. He tells shadow it's not pity, just an offer from one former coworker to another. A temporary arrangement that could benefit them both while Shadow takes whatever time he needs to decide what his next step will be

Shadow stares into his coffee for a time, Stone cant tell if he's looking for life's answers or if it owes him money

Eventually Shadow drinks and looks to Stone with conviction, agreeing to his proposal. He vows to do his best to serve this place that is to be his temporary home and master the ‘art of the mean bean’

Stone laughs at how serious he is as he puts everything away. He says that they’re gona have to work on getting Shadow to loosen up a bit if he’s gona serve customers

Shadow tenses at that. Asking Stone what he means, surely he can’t suggest that Shadow will be interacting with humans

Stone points out that that’s kind of a big part of being a barista, is that a problem?

Looking to the side trying not to appear apprehensive (boy needs acting lessons), Shadow brings up the fact that he’s very clearly a 'dangerous alien' won’t the people be frightened of him?

It clicks for Stone what he means and he smiles, walking over to Shadow and placing a hand on his shoulder, motioning with his head for him to follow

He tells Shadow not to worry about that, Green Hills is the one place on Earth where a new alien hedgehog will only be the talk of the town for a week or so before the next farmers market drama takes over as peak gossip

After a beat Shadow registers exactly what Stone just said “wait, what do you mean a NEW alien hedgehog?!”

Grinning as he walks away, Stone activates the Mean Bean’s ‘back room’ walking forward while saying that they’ll do a quick tour of the lair and get Shadow settled in

Stone thinks to himself that instead of ending the day with eating his feelings away with a tub of ice cream while watching soap operas, it might be nicer to watch Gabriella's long lost niece backstab (possibly literally if the preview was right) Juan with a new friend. He should make guac. Celebration guac.

Staring

Shadow, the ultimate barista

(no first name given) Stone, a man who is unprepared to be a single father to a Hot Topic wannabe

Sonic, guy who's cool until he starts trying to flirt (or the guy who would be on every sports team if he went to school)

Miles 'Tails' Prower, the youngest fox to illegally attend MIT online

Knuckles, volunteer youth camp counselor

Tom Wachowski, promised he wasn't going to intimidate his son's new boyfriend (he lied, but he's only about 40% successful anyway)

Maddie Wachowski, mom of the year 5 years running

[subbing-for-clones]

The Alpha and The Omega Part 3

Alpha Maul x Omega Reader

Word Count: 5k

WARNINGS: Mentions of murder, talk of slavery, mentions of guns and other various bounty hunting shenanigans

PREVIOUS         NEXT          MASTERLIST

      Maul didn’t know what to expect when he entered your ship; he had tried not to have any expectations. The main entrance opened up to the cargo bay that took up the whole footprint of the ship. He could see the cryo-freezer and storage in one corner and made a mental note to look into getting one for his own ship; he may not mind the smell of the bodies he collected but he preferred the idea of handing in quarries that weren’t decomposing by the time he turned them in. Labeled crates of food supplies and ammunition lined the walls along with a surprisingly high amount of medical equipment. The center was left open, for training purposes he guessed. He had thought that this layout was fairly standard for a high-ranking hunter and despite his best efforts not to assume what he would find on the upper level he was astonished.

    You obviously lived here full time on the ship you had fondly referred to as the Wolf, the hatch opened up into a hallway from where he could see the door to your cabin left open. He fought the urge to look inside out of respect and followed you through the common area toward the cockpit. He did allow himself to stay a few steps behind you so he could glance around.

    The kitchen had been expanded from a small standard kitchenette to a more comfortable cooking space with a large pantry. A quality wooden table sat off to the side with some kind of potted green fern in its center, rather than a flimsy durasteel counter. Plush rugs of different colors had been scattered along the floor and a doorless closet imbedded in the wall showed massive amounts of folded blankets and extra pillows along with other soft looking comfort items. Post cards from countless planets littered the walls surrounding the space. You had even managed to fit a sofa and bookshelf in one of the corners without making it seem over crowded.

    He didn’t say a word as he sat in the co-pilot’s chair beside you, setting his worn bag on the floor next to him. You had even managed to decorate this space; warm blankets hung over the backs of the chairs and photos of you with other hunters hung on the walls that lacked control panels. Some of the photos were located in bars, others looked like more traditional hunting parties; friends with their arms around each other in front of massive beasts that lay slain. In one, he recognized the Mandalorian he had met on Tatooine pissing into a Sarlacc pit with you laughing boisterously in the side of the frame with your head thrown back. Something in his hindbrain whispered to him.

Omega makes it home.

He blinked his attention back to you when he realized you had said something.

“You alright Maul?” you asked him again when the fog left his eyes.

“Yes, my apologies, I have just never seen a ship like this before.”

“Yeah, I move around a lot so over the years I made it more comfortable. Easier than having a home base like some of the others try to keep, cheaper too,” Maul nodded in understanding before turning back to you once you had broken through the atmosphere and started tapping away at the nav computer.

“Where are we going for the first quarry?”

“We’ve got a runaway wife of some rich wannabe crime lord. Need to bring her back alive for the whole sum or dead for only twenty five percent. Last seen on Anaxes, guess she liked tinkering with the ships back home, probably hiding out as a mechanic or something there. I want the whole purse. I know you like bringing them back cold but I’m not settling for a fraction of the price.”

“Runaway wife should be easy,” he folded his arms as he studied the hologram the puck projected.

“Should be, I’m not worried about her. She’s young and pretty, I’d be shocked if she didn’t have at least a few guys keeping an eye on her; but them we can kill,” you pulled back a lever and the stars stretched around the Wolf throwing the two of you through hyperspace. You leaned back in the chair and kicked your feet up.

“Listen, I’m not one to beat around the bush. I picked her to grab first because I doubt we’re going to run into a situation with her where my life will depend on you not fucking me over,” you turned your head to meet his eyes that were already on you, “I know you’re a dark force wielder and I know you can feel that I am a force user too.”

Maul’s top lip pulled up in a snarl and his eyes narrowed, “are you a Jedi then? Have you orchestrated this to trap me?!” the hilt of his saber flew out of his pack and into his hand but he hesitated to ignite it when fear pheromones seeped out of you.

Your scent gave you away but your posture didn’t waver, “I used to be, years ago. I was kicked out of the order when my gene presented,” you chuckled, “my master found me naked and writhing on the floor of my room,” your chuckle had grown to full-fledged laughter, your shoulders shook at the memory all but forgetting the pissed off Alpha at your side.

“I- I still remember the look on his face. Fucking horrified when I had my first heat,” you took a breath and wiped a tear from your eye, “they told me I had to leave before I could even face the trials for my knighthood,” your expression turned slightly solemn, Maul had relaxed in the seat next to you. He didn’t think they would throw out one of their own simply because of a biological mutation.

“I’m not doing this to trap you or anything like that Maul,” you turned again to face him, “Bane helped me out after I lost everything I ever knew. I heard a rumor that you didn’t know you were an Alpha until recently either. I’m just trying to return a favor paid to me.”

Maul turned to watch the stars as they flashed by, dropping his saber back into his pack. He hated the Jedi, he had even hunted a few who had left the order or were kicked out after breaking their precious code; but you were different. Cast out because you didn’t fit into their mold, not unlike him.

“Don’t get me wrong,” you caught his attention again, “I don’t dislike all of them. It’s been years since I’ve seen any of them but I don’t plan on burning the temples to the ground. If you want help with a bounty or need some underworld information I’m your girl; if you wanna fuck with the Jedi you’re on your own. You and Cad are the only ones who know about that past and I plan on keeping it that way.”

“I understand.”

You stood and nodded to the door, “come on I’ll show you where to put your gear.”

    He followed you out of the cockpit and into the common area where you pointed to an empty cabinet, “so, Sith are back huh?”

He went rigid as he put his pack with all its contents still inside on the shelf, “why do you assume I am Sith and not just someone who dabbles in the dark side of the force?”

You leaned against the wall and crossed your arms, “I lived my whole life at the temple. I never saw or heard of you or anyone who looked remotely like you there so I know you’re not a fallen Jedi. You have a light saber so you’re also not some self-taught back water force sensitive individual. That only leaves one option.”

“I’m not a Sith anymore, my master thinks I’m dead and much like your own desire to keep your past private; I’d like to keep it that way as well,” his eyes narrowed again. He was equally annoyed and impressed by your deductions and his hind brain spoke again.

Omega is smart.

He was already tired of this intrusive voice in his head. Perhaps it was a mistake to come with you after all. His scent had turned abrasive in your nose and his signature was wavering.

“Hey, calm down there, Alpha I’m not here to mess up what you’ve got going for yourself. I’m just trying to make sure you’re not going to slice my head off of my shoulders with that pretty red blade of yours.”

“No, I’m not going to kill you. I just want to make a life for myself.”

“Good,” you turned to another cabinet and pulled out a few extra blankets and a pillow and made up the sofa for him, “you can sleep here, it’s more comfortable than it looks, I promise,” with that you turned away from him and made you way to the cabin.

“Oh, ‘freshers the last door down this hall. Won’t be long until we arrive, rest up if you can,” with that the door hissed behind you and locked, leaving him standing alone in front of the sofa with much to ponder. Even out of your immediate presence, your scent permeated the air around him and wafted out of everything in the room. It was difficult to think, surly not all unmated Omegas were so intoxicating. He shook his head and softly walked down the hall and stepped into the fresher.

    He almost smiled, almost. Why had he expected a standard washroom? Of course you had a full sized -sanistream shower and a deep tub instead of a sonic. Another plush carpet lay underfoot with soft towels hanging on a bar. Various perfumy bath oils and soaps sat on the counter top in a decorative array along with a few candles. He was starting to wonder if you really were the renowned bounty hunter, ‘Meg, he had heard about or an imposter living a lie. He would soon find out. He splashed some cold water on his face before wandering back to the sofa you had made up for him.

    He removed his cloak and kicked off his boots, setting them both to the side before laying down and pulling the blanket over himself. It was soft and warm, more so than anything his master had provided for him. It smelled like you too, he tried not to think about the fact that it gave him incredible comfort and eased both his worry and his tensed muscles. Wrapped in your scent he fell asleep faster than he ever had before in his life.

      You did not find sleep on the way to Anaxes. Despite sinking into your soft bed, despite surrounding yourself with all of your favorite pillows and blankets and even trying to meditate, you could not ease your thrumming heart. Why had this Alpha’s scent been so strong? It made your mouth water and your thighs clench. He had released a new wave of soothing pheromones when he fell asleep and yet they did nothing to calm you. You ached to crawl onto the sofa with him and wrap yourself in his arms, to burry your face into his scent gland and bare your throat for him to… Maker what the fuck? You were disgusted with yourself. An ex-Sith and an ex-Jedi? Gods the trouble that would cause, such wonderful, inebriating trouble.. no.

    You wanted to comm someone to ask them about it. You couldn’t call Zeni or Coth, they had been trying to set you up with a mate for years, they would tell you to just get it over with. Couldn’t call Fett, it had been awkward to say the least since you gently turned down his offer for courtship. You looked over at the hat that you had just hung from your bed post. Maybe Bane could tell you what this was all about? He had had a mate before and wouldn’t give you the same answer as Zeni. You sighed heavily, missing Master Plo’s wise words and wished to hear his voice again. Would it be a terrible idea to make a stop on Coruscant and try to visit when you had fulfilled your current obligation?

    Probably. Maybe not? You huffed frustratedly and buried your face into one of the pillows for the tenth time. Bane, you’d comm Bane when you had a chance after picking up your privately commissioned bounty. Just as you attempted to close your eyes again a quiet beeping rang out from the vambrace you had discarded on your side table. You groaned unabashedly and smacked the button to turn it off. You still had some time and your stomach was grumbling so you didn’t bother to change out of the long shirt and baggy pants you wore. Pride be damned.

    Still, you tried to be quiet when you left your room to put the caf on. Your eyes immediately fell on him. Chest rising and falling steadily, wrapped up in the blanket you had given it, he was clutching it to his nose. The crease in his brow and frown on his lips gone; lost in his slumber. He was handsome when he wasn’t irritated, hell he was handsome when he was too. You watched him for a moment a voice in the back of your mind whispering.

Alpha looks warm

Alpha looks safe

Oh fuck no. You grimaced at your Omega brain that rarely reared her head. You turned and started rummaging around the pantry, working by the light that poured out of the door to your room so you wouldn’t wake him.

      When Maul did wake, it was to the smell of hot caf and cooking meat. He sat up slowly and looked around before he saw you leaning forward over the counter, face lit by a data-pad, sipping out of a steaming mug. Your eyes flashed up and met his, “Caf?” you offered.

    He grunted and nodded his response before standing and making his way behind you, looking through cabinets. You smirked down at your data-pad and without turning to him, held out an empty mug you had gotten for him. He took it with a quiet thank you and filled it. His smokey spice filling your nose in this proximity and without your knowledge, your sweet earthy smell filling his.

    He peered over your shoulder at the data-pad you were reading from. With a sigh you pressed a button to it projected the hologram, desperate for a little space you sidestepped slightly. It showed the blue prints for the assembly yard you suspected she had run off to hide in.

“It’s going to be highly populated,” he stated simply.

“We’re not grabbing her from the assembly line. She may have a price on her head but I’m not keen on the idea of explaining that to everyone and their supervisor.”

“Follow her home after her shift then?” he took a long drink of the caf and plated the both of you some of the meat before sitting at the table. At least he has manners.

“Precisely. Boss said she took a bunch of cash with her so I’m guessing she’s got an apartment outside the complex instead of sleeping in the employee housing. I got an idea where she might be working within the facility…”

    For the next hour the two of you ate as you pointed out where they worked on the simpler components. Based off of her limited knowledge she was most likely working with less complicated, smaller parts of the ships. You had pointed out the where those were and when he asked how you learned this you showed him how to find and read the blue prints and get the shift change schedules. All tools of the trade so to speak.

    You had taken a shower and after landing outside the city, started to gear up in the cargo bay. He watched with a confused look in his eye as you strapped dual blasters into your shoulder holsters and a large knife onto your hip. Pulling on your mid-thigh length coat, you filled one of the pockets on your utility belt with a few darts of different colors and a blow gun on the opposite side.

“Why not just bring your saber?” you must have looked at him like that was the dumbest question he could’ve asked, and it was.

“You’re kidding, right? You are not bringing yours,” you held up your hand and started counting each finger as you spoke, “for one, it’s a highly populated area and we are both in hiding. Two, we’re bringing her in alive and as unharmed as possible. Three, even if we were bringing her in dead, in a low pop area there’s always the chance someone could see and word travels fast. If you’re going to thrive in this line of work, you’re going to have to branch out,” you rummaged through the large locking cabinet before handing him a mid-sized blaster. “It’s set to stun for now,” you pointed to show him how he can set it to kill and got him a knife.

He took them with a growl, “I am quite familiar with other forms of weaponry thank you very much.” You just raised your palms up in mock defeat with a scoff.

      Two days. It took you two days of staking out the assembly facility before you found her. Two days of distracting heavy breathes. Laying so close to him, peering through scopes at entrances during shift changes from rocky terrain had you irritable to say the least. At least he was quiet, kept that damn sultry voice to himself. If he was as affected as you, he had the common sense not to let it show. Little did you know; he was. He kept the sights glued to his face so you couldn’t see how blown his pupils were. You let out and audible sigh of relief when you finally did spot the pretty blonde woman. Her hair tied back and a much too large jumpsuit billowing off of her form. You watched as she mounted a speeder bike and took off away from the complex. You had rented one in town when you first arrived claiming to be in the market for a ship.

    You turned to Maul already at the controls, he simply nodded his head for you to climb on behind him. He didn’t miss how you jumped at the silent command, despite trying to touch him as little as possible. You kept your eyes on her through the electrobinoculars while he navigated from a safe distance behind her. Your free hand was grasping the loose fabric of his tunic at his lower back. Your touch felt electric to him.

    You watched her dismount and silently followed her through the apartment complex, it was run down and had a rusty smell that wafted off the walls. Just before the door could hiss closed behind her your boot caught it, the fail-safe caused it to whoosh open again. As you rushed into the home with Maul on your heels you withdrew your knife and before she could even blink her shock you had spun her around with the blade pressed to her throat.

“Well, you are a pretty little thing, aren’t you? Now why would a woman such as yourself be running from your doting husband?” you taunted her. You weren’t usually so hostile to unaggressive quarries but you were still bristling at the effect that Maul had on you. Some should-be-dead instinct telling you to show him you were strong. She whimpered as Maul smirked and handed you his set of binders before doing a perimeter scan of the apartment.

“P-please don’t take me back to him. I can’t go back. You must understand. I… I know you do!” Your brow creased at her statement before it hit you. Maul was in the back room so his scent wasn’t fogging your mind and with your nose so close to her scent gland there was no mistake. You bound her hands behind her back and pressed your leg to the back of her knees; forcing her down into a kneeling position on the floor.

“Shit,” Maul reentered the room in a hurry at your curse, eyes searching for some kind of trouble. You watched it hit him as hard as it you. Your eyes locked on him as he sniffed the air and pull his top lip back in a snarl. She was another Omega but, she hadn’t been marked. No Alpha’s scent had mixed with her own and you looked at her as confused as Maul did before she turned her attention to him.

“P-please Alpha. Help me, don’t send me back to that- that monster. Please Alpha…” she was trying to shuffle over to where he stood on her knees. Maul had expected her scent to be as strong as yours was to him. Before this woman, you had been the only unmated Omega he had met but she was nowhere near as intoxicating as you had been, as you are. She was annoying, a nuisance, weak. Nothing worth protecting. You reached down and dragged her by her bound hands back to where you had put her and kneeled in front of her.

“What the fuck are you doing married to a beta?” your finger jabbing her sternum in an accusatory manner.

“I’m not his wife! Fucker bought me!” you cringed at the term. Bane had warned you about Omegas being bought and sold but you had yet to run into any of them.

Maul wanted nothing to do with the woman before him, he saw her as a feeble and overly fragile but a fleeting thought of you being taken by slavers and sold to someone else fluttered through his mind.

No one takes Omega

He growled his disgust at the idea. You thought for a moment, weighing your options.

“Where were you taken, before you were sold?” your eyes held her gaze unblinkingly in the dimmed room, Maul had moved to stand closely behind you.

“Trandoshans, they came and took me from a cantina on Tatooine.”

You rolled your eyes at her so hard you risked giving yourself a headache.

“What in the absolute fuck were you doing on Tatooine without an Alpha to protect you?” you stood and paced around the room, “Fucking stupid ‘mega,” you cursed under your breath but loud enough that she could hear you. “You don’t have to be a hunter to know the whole planet is a slaving capital!”

“I know… I know!” she had dissolved to tears and sobbed her lamentations, “please, please don’t take me back to him!”

“Oh shut up!” you returned and slammed your balled fist into her chin, knocking her unconscious. Maul watched with a pleased grin gracing his face, you pointed your finger in his direction still fuming, “don’t you start with me too. Take her on your bike back to the ship. I’ll take her bike. I have to think about this.”

He growled but kept the smirk while he hoisted her up onto his shoulder. He paused just before passing you utterly amused and whispered, “Ah yes, let the anger fuel you,” before he left. You shook your head and pinched the bridge of your nose.

    You didn’t want to admit it but he was right. These years of faring on your own had been on one hand, great, incredibly fun even. Living outside the code was unrestricting but, on the other hand, you had wondered if your soul had darkened along with everything else. Times were not always good. You honestly wished you cared. You wanted to care so badly but, in all honesty, you didn’t. At this point in your life the force power you carried was just another blaster in your arsenal. Another set of binoculars in your pack. You didn’t, couldn’t let it guide you like it once had.

    To your relief, he had followed your instructions; he had left with her. You took her bike and made your way, a little slowly. Enjoying the fact that you could barely smell him from your current position. You had hoped that you would get used to it but you still hadn’t. ‘The Bitch’ you like to refer to your Omega brain as, her voice just continued to pop up with intrusive thoughts. More so than after being around any other Alpha. You wondered if the woman he carried at the moment had a similar experience.

    The hull was open and Maul had loaded the woman and the bike into the cargo bay. She was starting to stir as you brought the bike up next to his. The fear in her eyes returned as her consciousness did and she started to shriek causing both you and Maul to wince. You grabbed a rag and shoved it into her mouth to stifle her sobs. Once again you knelt down next to her, “Maul, tell her to be quiet so that I can explain something to her.”

“Why would she listen to me?” you rolled your eyes.

“Because you’re an Alpha, a particularly… pungent one as well, I’m assuming she lies on the more subservient spectrum as far as Omegas go, she will obey,” you turned your attention back to the woman, tears streaming down her face. As you had guessed she immediately silenced at his command.

“Now then, listen closely. Nod if you understand me,” the woman nodded still wide eyed at you, “good. I have to take you back. If I don’t the bounty will remain open and someone else will come to collect. You can’t just run off again either. Well, you could, but odds are your ‘husband’ would just rehire me to come pick you up and he pays well so I would take it. You have two options. One, return and play the good wife and deal with whatever comes with it. Two,” you reached into your pack and took out two differently colored capped darts, “I slip these into your bra, you let me freeze you like a good little girl and return you home to collect my pay. After he unfreezes you, you stab him with the green one to knock him out; anywhere in his body. Then inject the black one into his neck to kill him. Once he’s dead you can escape and no one will bother to come looking for you because there will be no one to put a bounty on you.”

She weighed your words heavily and you practiced your patience, truly sympathetic to the woman. You were an exception, Omegas were strong yes but, most were incredibly subservient; even without an Alpha. She mumbled something behind the gag and you scoffed before removing the rag and she gasped.

“I want the darts,” her conviction was steadfast and you breathed a sigh of relief, “put me in the freezer with them and I’ll take care of the rest.”

    You reached your hand into her shirt with a slightly apologetic look while you nestled each dart under an individual breast, she nodded her thanks after you reminded her which was which and helped her to her feet. You gave her one last look before taking the binders off. Maul watched you hesitantly as you guided her into the freezing chamber. She gave you a sad yet thankful smile, it was slight but as you pressed the buttons and activated the gasses it froze on her face. Soon, she’d be free. You guided the block into the freezer storage and locked the door behind her before allowing yourself to ungraciously slide down the wall until your rump hit the floor with a soft thud.

    Almost forgetting you weren’t alone you tossed your hat to the side somewhere and ran your fingers through your hair and rubbed one of your eyes, exhausted from her emotional affliction.

    Maul could smell your distress, his instincts told him to comfort you, to hold you and tell you that everything would be alright. That he’d protect you, that he’d never let anyone lay a finger on you. That your fate would never become hers. Instead, he settled for sitting beside you with his legs crossed, without looking at you he spoke, staring down at his feet, “you gave her a way to take her own freedom.”

You hummed, just acknowledging that you heard him and sat next to him in silence for a few minutes. His pheromones were comforting, his presence was soothing and for the first time you didn’t fight the effect they had on you.

Alpha will protect me.

    Once again you shook ‘the bitch’ away and made your way to the cockpit. You flew closer to the shop you rented the bike from and opted to keep the other Omega’s for yourself. While Maul was returning the bike, you pressed a few buttons on your vambrace, calling Bane. Within a few moments the side of his face appeared in the hologram. Blaster fire whizzing by his head.

“You alright ‘Meg?” that raspy voice you loved sounded frustrated with whatever mess he was currently in.

“Yeah I’m fine, listen I got a question for you when you’re not busy.” He took a second to face you head on with a smirk, “What makes you think I’m busy?” as if on que a bolt took the hat right off his head and he cursed. You laughed and shook your head.

“Just contact me soon, don’t die out there old man.” He grunted in response and the hologram dissipated right as Maul was sitting down in the copilot’s chair.

“One down, where to next?” he eyed the comm that Bane had appeared from warily.

“Smuggler fucked over Jabba, a Talz. Last seen heading towards Hoth; no doubt to escape the heat literally and figuratively and hide amongst the Wampa. Can you take us up? I’m starving.” He nodded and took your seat while you headed back to the common area. You doubled over and clutched your stomach, “shit,” the pain all too familiar but coming much too early.

Taglist:

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[pinnithin-writes]

Good Jokes

Chapter 21

The portal stole their breath from them, chewing them up and spitting them out in a dark, red cavern. Tommy was up to his shins in some kind of tarlike fluid, but he was less put off by the wetness in his socks than he was by how warm it was. Pocked stalagmites reached up from the floor like long, spindly fingers and the air was thick with a humidity that made it hard to breathe. Firelight flickered overhead. It was unexpectedly quiet, save for the lapping of water around their legs as the team assembled raggedly and gained their bearings.

“Oh my gosh, this place is huge,” Gordon breathed.

The unnerving qualities of this womblike place were second to the great, crouching thing that watched them from the center of the chamber. Benrey’s arms were tucked in at odd angles, and his form rose up from the murk like a tumor. From where his wide, pallid face was resting, Tommy could see that dark fluid sloshing into the corner of his mouth.

Gordon sounded as unsettled as Tommy felt when he asked, quietly, “Is he dead?”

Sure, dead like a possum. Benrey’s eyes may have been unfocused and glassy, but Tommy wouldn’t believe for a second the creature was deceased until he personally watched his final breath leave him.

As if sensing Tommy’s thoughts, the entity’s gaze lasered in on Gordon when he took a tentative step in his direction. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Gordon responded automatically, halting in his tracks.

“I knew this was gonna happen.”

Benrey’s voice echoed off the sides of the cavern and rippled the water around their calves. Firelight flickered hot and yellow off his tractor tire irises, and Tommy had to look away.

Gordon had a bit more resolve in him, keeping nervous watch on the entity. “What?” he asked. “What do you mean you knew this was gonna happen?”

“I’m telling you - look, I’m... I like everything, I'm a great cool...” Benrey trailed off.

Tommy watched a confused glance pass between Gordon and Coomer while the entity went on.

“I feel a good, but you make me angry. Rememb-”

“Why,” Gordon interrupted, frustration edging his voice. “Because I don’t have my fucking passport? Is that what this-”

Benrey cut him off abruptly with a flash of his serrated teeth. “No. You remember? The first time we met... you wa- you walk in- I’m on my shift, and you come in, and you got a dick slip in your... in your HEV suit.”

There was a fraction of pause, an iota of processing during which the gears spun in everyone’s heads, until Tommy saw Bubby mouth the words, dick slip? and suddenly he was forced to hold in a riot of shocked laughter.

Gordon threw a glance over his shoulder at the others, astonished light dancing in his eyes. When he turned back and demanded, “What?” Tommy heard humor in his voice.

“And I tried - I tried to stop you. I tried to tell you. I was stopping you - I was going, ‘hey, yo dick out,’ but you didn’t-” he broke off, giant forehead wrinkling in consternation. “I was tryna be nice, and then you were talkin’ to my friend, J- Jefferem, and you’re telling him like, ‘Aw, I don’t have my passport…’”

As Benrey spilled more nonsense out of his mouth, Gordon turned, one hand propped on his waist, to give a “you’re hearing this, right?” look to his teammates. Dr. Coomer exhaled loudly out of his nose, shaking his head as he took this time to reload his weapon. Gordon looked to Tommy, the corners of his mouth quirked up ever so slightly and brows raised like a child asking for a dare.

The entity continued to rumble the cavern as he spoke. “And... he was so upset - he has anger issues - I was gonna protect you from him, we were - I was gonna be nice to you. Remember that?”

“Yeah,” Gordon answered, “and then you contradicted yourself almost immediately. I didn’t say shit to you, you immediately started attacking me, and you just harassed me-”

“No, that’s just my job!” Benrey huffed, eyes rolling in Gordon’s direction.

“To do what?” he demanded. “What is your job? What is this - where the fuck are we?”

Tommy was about to tell Gordon that prying answers out of the entity would be ultimately fruitless, even in possession of a crowbar, but he stopped short when he saw that the man was… smiling. Grinning outright, like he had just told a bad pun and was waiting for everyone to tell him to fuck off. This conversation was on purpose, Tommy realized, prodding Benrey to keep talking -  not to make sense of his story, but purely because its utter ridiculousness brought Gordon glee. He fought down a giggle and watched the exchange unfold.

“I - I mean,” Benrey went on, “if there’s a dick - if, y’know, someone’s dick out on the job, I gotta stop ‘em.”

“What are you on about? What?”

“But like... you don’t remember?”

“My dick has not been out all day.”

“No, no! Like... the first time we met.”

“Yeah, in fucki- before the test?”

“What test?”

Gordon exchanged a glance with his companions. “What does this have to - I don’t understand. I-”

“ Listen, ” Benrey said, and launched into an argument that Tommy could barely parse.

Deadly serious, the entity droned on about PlayStation 3, a game called Heavenly Sword, and the embarrassment of asking his coworkers for some kind of exclusive gaming membership. It was nonsensical, difficult to track, and Gordon was loving every second of it. Nearby, Coomer and Bubby were keeping a wary eye on their adversary, weapons in hand, but they were chuckling to themselves, as well.

Somehow this gigantic, horrifying creature was digging himself into a hole with every word, reducing little by little to just… an annoying guy with bad video game opinions. Benrey could immolate them on the spot, stretch out a massive hand and crush them like insects, and instead he was arguing with Gordon about the likelihood of a dick slip in the armored casing of a hazard suit. All Gordon had to do was keep him talking. Tommy felt a flood of admiration as he watched the guy ham it up with that shit eating grin on his face.

“How does that have to do with fucking anything?” he asked, punctuating every word with a gesture of his hand.

Benrey fell suddenly silent, pupils dilating like a cat out to hunt. “My friends are here,” he uttered quietly.

Gordon cut his eyes around the cavern, searching for signs of movement. “What friends?” he asked. “What is he talking about?”

Benrey’s volume rose in agitation, shaking the chamber and raining bits of gravel on their heads. “Sony CEO Jack Tretton survived a nuclear- a nuclear bomb!”

“What?” Gordon barked, taking a startled step back. “What? Should we…?” he looked to the others. “Should w-”

“Sony CEO Jack Tretton hired Nintendo CEO Reggie and they built a big bomb that was gonna go off... but I saved the world!” Benrey bellowed.

Tommy was convinced at this point that, if Benrey was ever occupying the same plane of reality the rest of them were in, he was no longer a part of it. His form began to shift and stretch, shoulders rolling and neck straining as he began to rise out of his false rigor mortis.

Though a touch of laughter remained in Gordon’s voice, he was beginning to sound alarmed. “Should we stop him?” he asked. “Should we just start shooting at him? Cause I d- it’s not gonna do-”

“No, no!” Tommy interrupted sarcastically. “Let hi - le- let him finish. We need to understand.”

Coomer let out a harsh chortle as he racked a round. “It would be rude to interrupt,” he agreed.

As Benrey continued to rise from the murk, a thin, skittering sound could be heard from the walls of the chamber. “So I didn’t - I didn’t have a big plan. I was ‘sposed to be nice, but you forced me to be baaad so I’m gonna be baaad, friend.”

Judging by the way Gordon’s eyes were skimming the area, he heard the noise, too, but laughter was still shaking his words. “How did I force you to… how did I force-?”

Benrey angled his chin toward Gordon, unimpressed with his mirth. “The big plot is slowly unraveling before our eyes,” he intoned. “Look at this.”

“Look at what?” Gordon demanded.

A horrible sound wrenched through the cavern, a sonic bass that Tommy felt deep within his chest cavity and shook the very room they stood in. The scratching grew louder and he caught flickering glimpses of skeletal hands in his periphery, reaching from the burrows that honeycombed the walls. He braced himself and raised the stock of his rifle to his shoulder.

“I don’t know what he’s saying anymore,” Gordon said, “I-”

There was a sickening rip-tear and a subsequent wave of red water rolling in their direction as Benrey hauled himself all at once to a standing position. He stared cooly down at the four of them, murderous intent clear on his face even at this distance. Fluid trickled down his form in red lines like blood. Tommy readjusted his aim.

Gordon took a couple frantic steps back, water sloshing around his legs. “What’s happening. What is happening?” he asked. “What is happening to him?”

“I can feel a change in his DNA,” Coomer answered thinly, right before Benrey became a nightmare.

His form unspooled like a helix torn in half. Flesh and bone separated, sinews snapping apart as whatever it was that made this thing Benrey released itself. The creature fanned wide, covering the space with limbs that shouldn’t function, eyes that shouldn’t be able to see, serrated and hungry. All this time it made a terrible noise, war made sound, shaking the cavern in its horror.

This wasn’t a joke anymore.

Several things happened at once. Skeletons poured from the walls, clawing and scraping toward them in a rattling wave. Gunfire exploded around Tommy as his teammates began firing - at Benrey, at the undead, at anything that moved to stave off the onslaught. The entity roared his frame-shaking bellow, and through the whirlwind of movement and all the terrible noise, the Science Team was scattered like dandelion seeds caught in a lawnmower.

Reality blurred for Tommy after that, boiling down in his brain to the pull of his trigger finger and his own heartbeat in his ears and Gordon, somewhere, frantically calling his name. Hearing it almost hurt worse than the psychic waves crashing over his body while the skeletons pursued him. He swung the stock of his rifle and shattered a stray skull as he ran.

Where did he run to? Where else was there to go but into oblivion? Panic rose in his throat as he fired off rounds and dodged the reaching fingers of the thing that once was Benrey. Distantly, he heard calls from his teammates, and then a hand locked around his wrist and he was being yanked into a portal.

Atoms scrambled, heart hammering in his throat, Tommy landed on the other side with his ears ringing, stumbling and tearing his palms open on the gravelled ground. For a second, all he could focus on was the steady beads of blood rising to the surface of his skin, hypnotic and scarlet in their mortality. But then a strong pair of hands were under his arms and Dr. Coomer hauled Tommy back to his feet. A heavy slap on the back knocked him back to reality.

Gordon, after checking that they had all made it through, swept the room with a cautious gaze as he rallied his nerves. “Are we safe?” he asked. “What is this?”

Did it matter where they were? Somewhere else in the monstrous structure that was Xen. A vesicle, an artery, the porous space inside a network of bronchioles. All Tommy could think about was how heavy his arms felt as he carried his gun. A pool of unidentifiable fluid lapped nearby, its depth unguessable.

“What the fuck is the plan?” Gordon asked them. “What do we do?” he passed a glance between Bubby and Coomer, who could only offer a collective shrug. His voice was on the verge of breaking as he went on. “I don’t know. I’m scared as shit.”

Bubby worked his jaw contemplatively. “I’m… confused,” he admitted, quiet in a humility Tommy rarely saw from him.

Dr. Coomer nodded in agreement. “I’ve never seen anything like this before, Gordon.”

Gordon turned his gaze to Tommy, who slowly shook his head. Stay alive. That was the plan right now for him. He wiped his bleeding hands off on his lab coat and said nothing.

“Okay… We know that he likes PS3… and that my dick-” he broke off to drag a hand down his face in frustration. “What the fuck? ”

“And he and his friend just got a - uh, month of PSN,” Tommy added.

“And Heavenly Sword,” Coomer agreed.

“Okay,” Gordon uttered automatically, backtracking with his brow furrowed. “I don’t kn - I’ve never played that game. Is there anything he said that’s gonna help us kill him? How do we kill this fuckin-”

“Well, he said it’s not a ripoff of God of War,” Dr. Coomer added, unhelpfully.

This somehow drew the entity’s ire, his terrible voice thundering through the chamber, source unknown. “It’s not a ripoff.”

Suddenly the walls were crawling with skeletons again and the once quiet room exploded with gunfire. As Tommy spun and popped off rounds, he distantly heard Bubby cry, “Into the water!”

His mouth was halfway open to bark wait waitwaitwaitgunsdon’tworkinwater - when there was a splash and his companions disappeared below the surface. Tommy spat out a curse and followed them.

Muffled silence pressed into his ears as he slipped into the depths. Tommy blinked against the gloom, darting his eyes around as he tread water with his rifle in one hand. There was Gordon, a furious figure filling hollow skulls with gunshot wounds. Bubby and Coomer backed him up, honing in on something dark and swirling beneath their feet. This shouldn’t be possible, shouldn’t be working in this way; physics were definitely, definitely busted here. A skeletal hand clutching at Tommy’s pant leg tore him from his thoughts and he twisted to kick it away.

Well. When in Xen. He bicycled his legs to stay afloat and started firing.

An explosion of something deep beneath them sent the water boiling, forcing the team to haul themselves to dry land while the skeletons perished around them. Tommy spluttered and coughed at the lip of the pool, limp and unresisting as someone hauled him out. Unsteadily, he found his footing as his lungs expelled water. He wiped his eyes clear of the brackish fluid and blinked them open, gaze finally focusing in on Gordon. He stood before Tommy with a steadying hand on either shoulder, space between his eyebrows creased with concern while rivulets of water ran off of him.

Tommy let out a quiet sigh and gave him a weak nod. I’m okay.

Gordon released him as soon as he was sure he could stand on his own. “Tommy, was that your passport?” he asked, chest heaving as he caught his breath.

“That was Tommy’s passport,” Bubby confirmed.

Tommy paused, brow furrowed, trying to recall ever seeing anything passport shaped in the murk. Water dripped and puddled around his shoes. “...No,” he said. How would that even make sense? A passport the size of a flatscreen, spinning in some alien pool, detonating upon impact? Seemed impossible, but so did a lot of other shit in this place.

Gordon’s eyes were alight, like he was on the edge of some conclusion. “That was your passport,” he insisted. “Is it in- it’s not in your pockets. Check your pockets. What’s going on?”

A span of silence stretched as Tommy wrestled with his exhausted brain for context. Maybe this was another physics thing, a side effect of existing on Xen. He scrubbed the side of his jaw with his fingertips in exasperation as he worked over his thoughts.

“He’s checking his pockets,” Gordon explained to the group, humor touching his voice. “He does it with his brain. With his mind.”

That was enough to surprise a light laugh out of Tommy, and when he met Gordon’s eyes, he saw that he was giving Tommy a weary smile of his own. Making jokes even now, even here, just for him. It was a balm to Tommy’s troubled soul.

“Tommy,” he prompted.

Okay, he’d humor him. Tommy slung his rifle over his shoulder and began patting the pockets of his slacks. “That was - ah- that- that wasn’t-” Hmm. Wallet, phone, keys. He checked the waterlogged pockets of his lab coat, too - old receipt, rubber band, gum wrapper - and came up empty. “Yeah, my passport’s missing,” he sighed.

“Okay!” Gordon exclaimed. “Okay, so he took our passports. And that's gotta be-”

“One by one,” Benrey interjected, disembodied voice shivering through the room.

“Oh, fuck,” Gordon hissed, freezing to check for more incoming denizens. When no threat immediately arrived, he continued hurriedly. “There’s gotta be some kinda energy field around it, and the skeletons…” he trailed off, raking his hand through his hair. “I don’t understand this. I don’t get it. But we gotta blow up the rest of those passports. We gotta put an end to this bullshit.”

He dropped his hand and looked to his team. Gordon had suspended his disbelief for the sake of taking down their enemy and was asking the others to, as well. Tommy fingered the rifle strap over his shoulder as he thought it over.

The way Gordon laid it out, this sounded vaguely like some video game thing. Benrey had pulled from Earth again to create an off-brand horcrux out of their passports, for what, spite? To fuck with Gordon? Tommy could hardly parse his motives, why he would set up an elaborate stunt like this when he could just outright kill them. What was he waiting for?

Tommy realized belatedly that three pairs of eyes were fixed on him, expectant. He sighed heavily through his nose and nodded. Okay. It was hope. The tiniest, slimmest claw of it, but it was hope. He’d try it. If Gordon was reaching for it, by god, he’d try it.

---

The subsequent three hours of Tommy’s life were some of the hardest he had to endure, and he’d lived through some pretty shitty ones in the past week. The Science Team hurried through Xen, weapons in hand, dodging skeletons and shockwaves of noise and the horrible flailing limbs of the thing that was Benrey as they sought out the other passports. All of it swirled together in a cacophony of gunshots and white noise, but Tommy knew there were things he’d see on the backs of his eyelids at night after this.

Bubby’s failed prototypes, crawling and lockjawed. Colored lines of psychic barriers, trapping him in place and squeezing the air out of him. And the skeletons. The skeletons were possibly the worst thing, because Tommy realized he recognized some of them. Nametags clipped to half-shredded uniforms told him that these were the people Benrey had killed in Black Mesa, and now they were conscripted to pursue Tommy and his friends through this nightmare. Looking at them made him sick. Shooting them made him sicker.

They eliminated Bubby’s passport. Then Coomer’s. Benrey attempted to flaunt his, and they took that one out, too. They fell back and regrouped, shaky and warweary with the blood roaring in their ears. How all four of them were still alive was a miracle. Water sloshed around their legs, thick and red.

“Gordon,” Coomer panted as they retreated from Benrey’s looming form. “We’ve got all the passports, but… You - you never had yours with you, did you?”

“No,” he ground out through gritted teeth. His legs were shaking with the effort it was taking him to stand. “It’s in the locker.”

“Bad little boy,” Benrey rumbled from across the room. The skeletons that had loped around him like a pack of wolves were gone, but he still cut a menacing image in his oversized state.

Gordon’s shoulders slumped in defeat. “He’s just waiting to kill us,” he huffed. “He’s just playing with us now. There’s no more portals.”

“No,” Bubby said suddenly.

Tommy, Coomer, and Gordon cast him curious glances.

His eyes glittered, defiant and steely, behind his glasses as he set his jaw. “I don’t accept this death,” he said with resolve. “I have a plan.”

Tommy caught on immediately. It would be putting Gordon at a huge risk, but it was likely the only chance they had. He turned to Gordon, already hating himself for the suggestion on his lips.

“Do you think you can still get your passport if you go back?”

Gordon cut his eyes over to him. “How can we go back, Tommy?”

We, he said. We, not I. Tommy dropped his gaze, unable to look at Gordon. He wanted nothing more than to follow him back to where this all started, to stand at his side and fix this mess together. The thought of sending him through alone felt like tearing out one of his own organs. He swallowed thickly and didn’t answer him. Tommy was needed here. He would stay here.

Bubby was already unholstering the weapon he’d kept stashed since they departed from Darnold’s lab. It hummed as he powered it up. “We can go back,” he said, with confidence.

“Portal gun,” Coomer exclaimed.

Gordon blinked. “So that’s what th-”

“Everyone,” Bubby cut him off. “I need space.”

Tommy and Dr. Coomer exchanged a glance before retreating to a safe distance behind Bubby. Coomer raised his rifle and locked the sight on Benrey in a warning. The entity stayed put, tracking them with his big yellow eyes.

“This’ll be a little trippy,” Bubby warned. “It’ll be a little fucked up. But we’re going to have to take you back to the past.”

“Send me back, Bubby,” Gordon said, bracing himself.

Coomer didn’t take his eye away from the scope as he offered a final, “Godspeed, Gordon.”

“Alright, one last warp,” he sighed. He tossed a disdainful look over his shoulder at the entity. “Later, Benrey,” he growled.

“Peace,” Benrey sneered at a distance, grinning like a wolf.

Tommy raised his rifle to provide suppressing fire with Coomer while Bubby pulled the trigger. There was a discordant snap to his reality that left his ears ringing as a flashfire of green billowed out. He flicked a final look at Gordon, met his eyes just before he blinked out.

The man smiled, determined and lovely, as he disappeared.

Chapter 20 <-----> Chapter 22

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S2 Ep 29: Everything Explodes, Cranes Fall, Everyone Drowns, Kaiba Gets Real Freakin Weird(er)

Happy Halloween everyone, I’m waiting for the trick or treaters that will never arrive at my house on a hill without any streetlights. As an adult, it’s not really a thing to go party hopping on a Wednesday (I don’t even know why we celebrate Wednesday Halloweens, they’re the very worst ones), so, lets talk about a ghost story tonight and recap a very long episode of Yugioh.

Bro was just steeped in excitement for my reaction on this one, because this is his favorite episode, I guess, and he did tell me “listen, this is peak Yugioh. It’s all downhill from here” and I was like “when were we uphill? Have we not been launched rapidly downhill straight from a Sonic-the-Hedgehog-style spinner since this series has started, whisking Yugi’s Grandpa’s soul through a VCR tape? Isn’t watching this series spiral out of control the whole point?”

Anyway, he gave me fair warning and I’m still not quite sure what happened this episode.

I mean I know what happened, I was here, I watched it, I watched it again to cap it, wrote some copy, edited it over with bro a bit, talked it out...

I’m still not sure what happened this episode.

Again, I get WHAT happened...it’s more...I don’t get...the laws of physics? Or Why certain people did certain things or...this episode, but that’s OK because it splattered all over the wall into this Rorcshach Test...and I don't know if the writers even want to bother explaining it. I mean...why bother at this point? We’re watching Yugioh. The main character is 50-99% definitely a ghost, don’t think about it.

First off, Marik’s boat.

Not pictured here: this room of this boat only has three walls. Marik is facing a steep drop into the sea, meaning that if there’s an rain or any waves or whatever, it just crashes directly into this room. If anything picks up the boat and kinda slams it around a bit, you just fly right out of this room and right out the back. I don't get this boat. I don’t get how you keep this room clean and free of nasty ass seagulls.

I don’t like boats and I don’t spend too much time on boats, so if this is normal and natural boat behavior, my bad.

In case you forgot, Joey is about to murder Yugi.

Every character on this show has run out of ideas and is onto their very last wit.

It’s just a whole lot of everyone pointing a card-shaped gun at each other and themselves and just shouting at the top of their lungs.

(read more under the cut)

And then the show does a sweeping half-episode review of every duel you have seen so far that had a Joey cameo in it. I mean...I guess it works. But it kinda feels like one of those filler episodes of Friends where they couldn’t come up with new content so they just did a “remember this cool thing that happened last season? haha, this isn’t a real episode” and so initially I was like “bro, I dunno if this episode is going to be as weird as you say it is.”

And so Joey decided he’s not going to kill his friend, but don’t be fooled, he’s still going to punch out many more people in the episodes to come, I am absolutely sure of it.

This is the first time Yugi’s decided to attempt to mind wipe someone without using Pharaoh. Aw. Kind of sweet, look at him grow up to be just like his Ghost Dad.

PS I just realized this, but why didn’t Yugi just mind wipe Joey!? It’s been heavily implied that he already has so many times--this seems like the one time Joey would have been totally OK with it. If I had a Marik situation in my brain, I would have been like, yes, please use the pharaoh ghost to break my brain into pieces, I’ll figure that whole recovery situation later, but at least I won’t be a murderer.

But whatever, they’re going to do it without magic, although Friendship is also magic in this universe. But the semantics are better.

Yugi uses his millennium cell phone signals to face chat with Marik. Kind of. This was probably just a visual analogy. I never know with this show, although Pharoah really did do a Shadow-world face chat with Pegasus last season like it wasn’t any big deal. Twice.

This whole 4 episode arc was just Yugi realizing last minute that Marik was wasting everyone’s time.

And once Yugi’s baited Marik into killing him before the time runs out, Joey lit up with bolts of crazy ass electricity as the Power of Friendship mindwiped saved Joey.

Almost half this episode is when the clock is at 30 seconds. There comes a point when you have to explain why your clock got stuck. Anyways, lets see what else we can do in 30 seconds:

So what will be the plan of Seto Kaiba, boy genius? What is this great master plan of the boy who can hack any system, who has a computer installed into every piece of clothing he owns down to his dockers and socks? The boy who once hacked a satellite and used it to crash all of the digital security systems in North America?

Blue Eyes’ only effective form: as a vehicle for a real nasty papercut. This will the only time I’ll accept a Blue Eyes win as canon.

I did a lot of math last episode that I don’t want to do right now, but how hard do you have to throw a card to do that much damage, and how fast would Seto Kaiba’s baseball pitch be, and how fast is that compared to the baseball pitches of My Hero Academia? I mean we have the stats on all of these things.

It’s a good thing for every one else on this cast that Seto Kaiba has never figured out what dating is. He would destroy them. Of course this is me saying that anyone on this show knows what dating is. Which they don’t.

Also, off screen he threw himself at the mook who is prone on the bottom right corner there. Kaiba just went ape out of no where. He stood perfectly still for about 3 episodes and then he just completely lost his nut all for...Tea?

Because Mokuba’s like “We owe Tea a favor because she failed to climb a bunch of empty boxes?” Like uhhhh way to really awkwardly over-return that favorrrr

Like we have to address the elephant in the room here wearing about 9 belts on all four of his limbs and torso. Seto may have a God card now, but he’s so enamored by his dragon that he’s still in this awkward phase where he really wants to cosplay as his dragon literally all the time but he’s hoping he can pass it off as normal fashion and no one will notice. Kaiba is clearly more involved with his Blue Eyes than anyone else on this show is involved with any other card.

So, the hell is he doing risking his literally irreplaceable Blue Eyes that launched the events of the entire first season?

I’m sure the creators didn’t intend for this to happen. I’m sure they were like “and then he threw his Blue Eyes, because that would be funny!” but when you break this action down, it makes Seto Kaiba--who is supposed to be The Worst--outshine Yugi this episode.

Like first off--Tea? Yugi x Tea is supposed to be the flagship of the show. But Yugi’s kind of tied up right now, so instead, Seto saved her? That pairing just came out of nowhere. And I’ll be honest with you, Kaiba x Tea makes more sense to me than Yugi x Tea, and that is pretty wild that this show made me think about those two in any context.

I mean, it’s not going to happen, the writers would rather just toss a ton of explosions at it rather than leave any space for anyone to talk to each other and say “What the hell do you think you’re doing!? Did you just seriously do that?!” That conversation would have been absolutely hilarious, but it did not happen.

This crane blew up not once, but TWICE.

PS, we have more proof here that this chair was really just a kinky chair because um...look how easy it is to get out of that thing. This is not a real lock.

And second weird thing about Seto tossing his Blue Eyes...

This entire card arc was about Yugi giving away that puzzle to Joey as this beautiful symbol. Yugi said “Listen, Joey, I’ve known you forever, you’re my best friend and you are the sun and moon to me, have the most precious thing I own, even if you throw it into the ocean and destroy it”

But, then on the other side of the harbor Kaiba’s like “Listen, person who’s name I don’t recall, I don’t really know you, I don’t care about you at all, have the most precious thing I own, and I’ll just throw it out over the ocean myself, and on top of that--I’ll destroy one of my own helicopters, too.”

Makes Yugi’s sacrifice look real chump, I gotta be real. Again, I don’t think this was intentional on the writers part, but it sure is a thing that happened and is canon now.

And then no one thanks him. They thank Mokuba instead. No wonder Seto freakin hates them all so much.

And while I was watching, I was thinking “well, Seto’s doing all this because he needs to save Yugi to duel him later” much like Seto’s been trying to do for nearly 10 episodes, but that whole thing where Seto followed Yugi around and was like “I will be dueling you after this is over” is no longer a thing. He gave up on Yugi after saving Tea. No explanation.

You know it feels like every 20 episodes or so, Kaiba will do something real nice and then immediately run away from the situation and switch back to being a jerk again. He’s kind of like a reverse Bakura, but without the ability to force everyone to forget. He’ll be awkwardly hanging back here for the rest of the episode pretending like he doesn’t like these people while Yugi’s off being the worst on the other side of the harbor. 

Remember, that Joey’s just snapped out of it, and a low flying helicopter caused a crane to freakin explode behind Yugi without any explanation. Twice. The crane exploded twice.

And then Yugi throws a fireball at himself before the timer hit zero.

I guess he had to do something to show up Seto Kaiba and the only other option left was death.

It was very tragic, and for once, Pharaoh wasn’t there to say anything. I guess the Pharaoh batteries have finally run out, and I’ll be real, the lack of Pharaoh in this episode does more to make this sad than if he was there saying how sad he was. It really is just Yugi there at that moment and we rarely get to see Yugi as just Yugi. I guess that was the way he wanted to be remembered rather than just a vessel for a ghost.

To be clear, this took like ten more minutes and the timer was at like 3 seconds for all of that but in context of the show, he died riiiight before both were tossed into the sea.

So this is exactly Seto and Mokuba S1, right? Like Seto was like “I will jump off his ledge to save my brother’s life!” and Pharaoh was like “WHAT TYPE OF ASSHOLE DOES THIS!?” ya, just checking.

So, ways to defeat Yugi Muto:

Threaten to kill yourself, Steal his stuff mid fight, Rock Paper Scissors, or threaten to kill Joey.

I just want to note that before Yugi tossed that fireball, he finally took the duel disk off. He was like “I gotta die, but I don’t want to die in that.”

Joey, who was very upset by Yugi’s brash decision, desperately looked for a way to save both of them did something that I don’t understand at all.

I’m not sure why the Red eyes attacked Joey (I guess it was a special skill?) But--the game’s over! You can’t lose after you’ve won! What even is the rules of this freakin game?

Whatever, it didn’t matter, Yugi absolutely cannot get hit by fireballs, it’s a real weakness for him. He is out for the count and cannot reach his own key.

Serenity, sensing her brother’s bravery, whisks off her bandages, and this is the first thing she sees.

Ya so.........

..........Yugi’s great wonderful sacrifice of his own life.....

....didn’t matter. Joey went in anyway.....

And that’s how Yugi got upstaged by Kaiba, yet again, in the same episode.

At least the person Kaiba successfully saved is here to start screaming at the ocean instead of like...swimming

In Joey’s defense, he was not there for the long, detailed explanation of how the key system works. He didn’t really know it wasn’t a one key fits all situation.

He’d be the smallest Whole Set in the world but the kid cannot sink. Like look at this. Look at how high this kid treads water without even trying. He’s got his armpits out of the water even. Should have given up the cards and gone to polo.

I love how we went through all that work to get Tristan here and he didn’t even do anything. He jumped in, pushed Yugi a little bit (who as I said before is a natural floater, it’s very impressive), and then Serenity did all the heavy lifting because I guess no one else on this show can swim?

Don’t they live in Japan? An Island? Isn’t it a requirement when you live on an island that gets tsunamis every so often that you must learn how to swim? Like I live in California that only has one coast and we learn how to swim real good. Like we learn all about rip tides and water safety, and we all end up doing the part-time lifeguarding job at least once.

Every single one of these people should be in the water and going after Joey, what is this bystander effect nonsense?

Hey so........she’s fully healed now?

RIP Kaiba x Tea, it was a very weird 2 minutes.

Which, if this guy ever dated, would probably be the tagline of all of his relationships.

Yes, this really was the moment Joey realized his sister could see. AFTER she dove in the ocean to pick him out.

This is real nitpicky but I just noticed the pier that Tea was gone is absent in all of these shots. Maybe they didn’t want to draw the aftermath of what happened to that crane.

Seto doing that anime thing where he’s hiding his eyes because he’s gettin freakin emotional in the back.

He’s all over the place this episode...I don’t know what happened.

And then to cap it off, they decided to watch a romantic sunset at the place where they got abducted, held in a warehouse, possessed by a cult, strapped to a bunch of bondage death devices, and then were nearly murdered at.

Also that ghost ship is still there and way spookier at night. Only Yugioh would be like “a perfect happy tapestry for friendship!”

Not only is Pharaoh still inexplicably here, but so is Kaiba. I guess he decided to hang out with them for like an hour until, at the first instance of Duke saying “CAN WE PLEASE JUST EAT DINNER LIKE NORMS!?” Seto very quickly spun on his heels and ran away as quickly as he could.

Ah, so the tourney continues tomorrow...it’s...this wasn’t the finale? Sure felt like it.

I just realized...the only thing you get is the chance to win a bunch of cards and just a title--a title that Yugi already owns, so if he hadn’t gone into the competition, then you’d have two people with the same title.

Like...is this entire tourney just a honeypot? But for cards? Is this whole tourney just a honeypot tourney?

Kaiba really is a cop.

Anyway, if you just got to these reviews, here’s a link to read them from Episode1 Season1, knock yourself out, it’s Halloween on a Wednesday, I know you’re not doing anything else.