#this sounds so much like someone who used to harass me on twitter

[dreamytfw]

"bet this was a Jensen fan" well joke's on you because I'm not a fan of that fuckboy since years now but even THEY are better than faux-activists like you. J2M aren't mediocre, I don't really like them since quite a while now, but *actual* fact is even they're far better than the pretentious douches you stan who cause much more harm but only don't get called out by sycophants like you so yeah you really should go play in traffic already bcuz there's an overload of nasty ass two-faced blotches like you on the human race already

"the pretentious douches you stan"

...you mean the fictional characters?

[rhyrhy]

Never Yours, Always Hers

“Everytime you try to forget who I am, I’ll be right there to remind you again”

⚠︎ ⋆. Warnings: substance Abuse, emotional, psychological, (no physical!) Public humiliation (r!), Grief and trauma, harassment (r!), Manipulation, Wealth & Privilege, Obsession. Just overall darker themes!

✈︎ Authors note: read part one here!

Taglist : @nerdyjeansblog @h2pinky @polarhues @love-bb @sleepingwasp @Tiffys-post @antobooh

Two funerals in the spand of this year and a half, was the last thing you’d expected. You felt like you were having déjà vu, dressed in dark colors once more. a flat expression on your face. Just like you were months ago.

“Leah was young, bright, and had so-” The woman’s voice cracked. “I apologize, she had so much life left to live..” her mother continued, sniffing as she spoke out into the room.

Flashes of that night stabbed through the speech, invading your mind. The damp grass, the sound of screaming and yelling out each others names.

She was missing in the group sitting on the plushed seats. The tension ticked the air as you three sat. Jordan’s fingers digging into his navy dress pants. Abby’s fingers laced with yours. The others either too distressed to attend or out of town. Meanwhile leah sat, cold, in a polished box, flowers rainbowed with colors. The casket was closed due to her injuries, and you were morbidly thankful. That was last thing you needed to see, anyone needed to see.

✈︎ Guilt wasnt even the word to describe the feeling you had. You’d, left that night. You’d valued your girlfriend’s word over her wellbeing, Jesus. This didn’t even feel like you. To put the cherry on top of this sour cocktail of bubbling feelings Jordan didn’t even glance at you two. You could only imagine how he was feeling. Twisting the promise ring Leah had bought him, with a blank expression. Your grip tightened on the fabric of your dress, nails digging into your palm. The weight of everything sat heavy on your chest. grief, regret, the unshaken feeling that this wasn’t how things were supposed to be. And yet, as the service continued, as the weight of Jordan’s silence pressed against your ribs, as Leah’s mother wept over a daughter gone too soon. Abby’s fingers never left yours.

They never did. Not then. Not now. Not ever. You could run, you could fight, but in the end, Abby always got what she wanted. And now, sitting beside her at Leah’s funeral, you realized… she had you again.

────୨ৎ────

Funny how loss has a way of warping time. One moment, you’re standing over a grave. Back with the woman you desperately tried to run away from. The next, you’re back where it all started. watching everything fall apart. like how at the beginning of the year, the words from the other end of the line haunted you.

“All of me.” “Us.”

✈︎ You hung up. If you stayed on the line any longer, she would’ve won. Though it didn’t stop the words echoed in your head like a broken record, refusing to let go. You hated the way your stomach twisted so easily, the way her voice still had that effect on you. She was humiliating you. publicly. The same woman who used to drape her hoodie over your legs when you sat too close to someone now had your ass plastered all over the timeline. And people were eating it up.

✈︎ Pages were reposting it. Twitter threads were dissecting it. ‘Couple goals’. ‘They were so in love’. Your phone wouldn’t stop vibrating. Group chats blowing up, friends dropping messages somewhere between concern and curiosity.

✈︎ Sighing deeply, you held the side button on your phone until the screen went black. Disconnect. That’s what you needed. You even considered deleting everything permanently, just disappearing for a while. But that wasn’t an option. You had a reputation, and you weren’t about to let an ex, if you could even call her that; drag you down. Technically, you never broke things off completely. Maybe you thought Abby would take the hint. Maybe part of you wasn’t ready to say it out loud. But now you were seeing Jess. Now, Abby had made sure the entire internet thought she still owned you. When suddenly, it felt like a dim lightbulb flickered on. Instead of running away from it, you were going to repost it. Take some sort of power back. Maybe even add your own petty caption back. This was so high school. But what choice did you have?

Then, the notification on your phone brought you back to earth. Jessica.

1:01 PM Jessica: “What the fuck is this?” [ 1: attachment]

You exhaled sharply, running a hand down your face. This wasn’t just about a picture anymore. It was about her. Abby. Making a move, knowing exactly how to get to you. And It was working.

You’d barely gotten out of your bed and managed to ruffle so many feathers. You threw your phone, With your face buried, you let out a frustrated scream. The emotion rang out into the space. lifting your head slowly from the pillow, hair fallen over your face. Chest heaving up and down. Pissed wasn't even the word. You were going to kill that prissy nepo baby the moment you saw her again.

At least that’s what you’d hoped you would do.

────୨ৎ────

Abby sat back against the fence. Racket fallen near her white shoes. phone clutched in her hand. The weight of it felt different now heavier, almost like she could feel the heat radiating from the screen. She refreshed the post. Again. And there it was. Reposted. With a caption.

Her jaw ticked. Oh, you want to play it like that? A bitter huff blew from the corner of her lips. She should’ve felt satisfied; this was exactly what she wanted, wasn’t it? To get a reaction? To remind you that she was still right there, taking up space in your head the same way you still haunted every part of hers? So you wouldn’t forget about her so easily. So why the fuck did it feel like she just lost something? The whole thing was blowing up faster than she expected. Abby just shook her head, running a hand through her hair. Long legs standing up from the warmed metal, pushing the thoughts away for now. Pushing any guilt away.

✈︎ it had been days, and Abby was still staring at her phone. Waiting for something new, but it never came. You’d shot back and carried on, was this it? She wanted— no, needed you to be upset. Yell, scream, anything she just needed you to talk to her. she knew she’d dug herself a hole, and didn’t plan on putting the shovel down anytime soon. Jessica on the other hand had been keeping you at arms length. She was fully aware of who your ex was, having experienced her tendencies herself. She just wasn’t convinced you were, and that scared her.

✈︎ Jessica had been distant. Not in an obvious, doors-slamming, screaming-match kind of way. The way her replies took longer, the way she barely reached for you first anymore, the way her touch felt obligatory instead of instinctual. At first, you told yourself it was nothing. A rough patch. A busy week. But then there were the pointed comments, the way she started watching you instead of just looking at you.

“I just don’t want to be someone’s second choice,” she’d said one night, half-drunk and sprawled across her couch. It wasn’t an accusation, not yet, but it was close.

“You’re not,” you replied, too quickly, almost too defensively.

She only hummed, unconvinced, taking another sip of her drink. The conversation ended there, but the tension didn’t. It wasn’t just about the picture anymore. It was about her. Abby. She had her hooks in you, whether you liked it or not.

But that denial wasn’t stronger than the pull you felt.

✈︎ You wanted to kill her, abby. at that moment, but every time Jessica kissed you, it was almost flat. Bare. Nothing. How could one woman taint you so much? How could she dig herself so deep under your skin that you were still trying to claw her out? Maybe this was why her first girlfriend left. Maybe she saw this coming before you did. You could’ve just ended things with Jessica, sure. But you knew the second she left, you’d turn right back to the blonde you so desperately wanted out of your head.

✈︎ Abby, who had humiliated you publicly. Who had always been too much—too possessive, too controlling, too obsessive. You should hate her. Feel disgusted. Feel outraged. But you didn’t. Not really. Because even now, as Jessica’s lips pressed to yours. her hands steady, her touch careful—you felt nothing. No heat, no rush, no pull deep in your gut. It was flat. Like going through the motions of something you were supposed to want. And you hated that. Hated that Abby had ruined this for you. Because she had. She had tainted everything. Branded herself so deep into your skin that no one else felt right. No one else felt like home. And that should piss you off. It should be enough to make you hate her. Despise her.

✈︎ But you didn’t. Because the truth was, you liked the way she wanted you. It was twisted and possessive and downright unhealthy, but at least it was real. Abby never faked a thing in her life. When she wanted something, she took it. Claimed it. And you’d spent so long under the weight of her obsession that anything less than that just felt… hollow. Maybe that’s why you were still here with Jessica. Not because you wanted her, but because she wasn’t Abby. And if she left, you knew exactly where you’d go.

✈︎ Maybe you were starting to adjust to life with Jessica. She had her small icks, of course. You hated that she was a stone top. it was predictable every time her hands trailed to your inner thighs. She wasn’t big on PDA, always using the excuse that her hands were too warm to hold yours. And the smell of cigarettes that clung to her clothes? Ugh.

But all cons lists have their countering pros.

✈︎ Unlike Abby, revealing outfits weren’t a problem for her. A low wolf whistle was a familiar sound whenever you showed her your outfits. Her hand always found yours, spinning you slowly as her eyes scanned over you. A small smile would tug at your lips when she approved. Jessica never checked your phone or asked for passwords. She said she trusted you and didn’t need to.She didn’t even care when other girls eyed you. just continued the night as if they weren’t there, letting them stare. It felt like freedom, to not just be her girlfriend but yourself.

✈︎ Though a small part of you wondered if her lack of jealousy came with a lack of care.

✈︎ Abby paid attention to everything, and I mean everything. The time a waitress on a date night glanced at you a little too long. The smallest change in your hair. A compliment always followed. Yes, she kept you covered, but maybe you preferred that. You hated even thinking it, but Jess didn’t care enough. And Abby? She cared too much. You felt awful for holding all this emotional turmoil inside, never expressing any of it to Jessica. You gave her a small insight when the post went viral, but the discussion wasn’t long. It was definitely awkward, and by the end of it, you weren’t even sure if she believed you.

✈︎ You had nothing to do with it. You had no idea if Abby even still had pictures of you two together. Most exes delete them in a heavily emotional rampage. get rid of the memories, the gifts, especially the pictures. But Abby wasn’t like every other ex. She kept everything. Why would she throw them away? You never actually said break up. You said break. that you needed space. But now, some bitch had you plastered all over social media. And the pictures of her hands and skin on yours made Abby run hot.

✈︎ The picture. That picture. The one Abby had no right to still have, let alone post. It was everywhere. Reposted. Retweeted. Meme’d, And Abby? She wasn’t hiding. If anything, she was enjoying it from your perspective. Letting people talk. Letting people assume. Letting the world know you still belonged to her. Headlines, gossip threads, Instagram stories dissecting every piece of your past with Abby. And Jessica, poor fucking Jessica. was caught in the fallout. First she was pulling away. Then she stopped replying.

────୨ৎ────

Monday, February 10th

2:00 PM – You: “Hi, are you still coming? I’m already dressed.”[2 images]

2:37 PM – Jessica: “Hey, something came up. I’ll text you later.”

Wednesday, February 24th

8:14 AM – You: “Hey, I was calling to check on you. Can you call me back when you get a sec?” [Read 8:20 AM]

────୨ৎ────

Now, she stopped showing up.

You sat with your chin resting on your arm, staring out the living room window. You wondered if this was how Abby felt. it was what it felt like to be ditched. ignored, full-blown cold turkey. And you knew this wasn’t out of the blue. Partly this was a long time coming. Maybe Jessica was done dealing with you. Maybe she could tell you were faking those orgasms. But didn’t she still owe you some kind of explanation? Even if you already knew what it was about in the first place? Technically, you were still together…unless you weren’t.

she was gone as quickly as she came.

────୨ৎ────

Meanwhile…Monday, 3:42 PM

Jessica sat in the stiff, too-bright office of the academic integrity board, her fingers tapping anxiously against her knee. She wasn’t supposed to be here. This was a mistake. Across the table, a professor cleared his throat, sliding a printed document toward her.

“This is your paper for Dr. Reynolds’ midterm, correct?”

Jessica nodded, swallowing hard. “Yeah?”

He flipped to another page. “And you’re aware that this exact same paper was submitted two weeks earlier under a different student’s name?”

Her stomach dropped. “What? No, that’s not possible.”

The woman sitting beside him; Dean Halstead, head of student affairs. adjusted her glasses. “Jessica, we conducted a plagiarism review, and the evidence is compelling. Not only does this submission predate yours, but the formatting and citations are identical.”

“That’s— that’s bullshit,” she snapped, heart pounding. “I wrote that paper myself. I don’t know what kind of mistake—”

“There’s more.”The professor slid another paper forward. An email printout.

Anonymous tip: Jessica Davis has been paying for essays. Check her last submission. it was plagiarized.

Her head spun. “This—this isn’t real. I don’t cheat.”

Dean Halstead’s lips pressed into a thin line. “Do you have proof of that?”

Jessica blinked. “What?”

“If you didn’t plagiarize, can you provide drafts? Notes? Any record of you writing this paper?”

She opened her mouth—then closed it.

Her laptop had crashed two days after submitting the assignment. Everything was wiped. And she hadn’t saved the document anywhere else. The silence stretched.

“I didn’t cheat,” she whispered, but it sounded weaker now.

The professor sighed, rubbing his temples. “Jessica, under the university’s academic integrity policy, plagiarism—intentional or not—is grounds for immediate expulsion.”

Expulsion.

Dean Halstead folded her hands. “You have 48 hours to vacate campus. Your academic record will reflect the violation, and you will not be eligible for re-admittance.” Just like that.Jessica stood too fast, her chair scraping against the wooden floor.

────୨ৎ────

✈︎ You found out later she was Expelled. Just like that. Rumors swirled, was it cheating? plagiarism? Yep, some bullshit about ‘breaking school policy’. You texted, called, and even emailed Jessica, but nothing. You’d heard from mutual friends that she was beyond in distress. Cheating on midterms would guarantee being put to the curbside. This didn’t feel right; Jessica was somewhat invested in her future. She wasn’t reckless enough to throw it all away. How do you go from passing to not even being allowed on campus?

✈︎ It didn’t sit right. And then that nagging feeling, that small voice in the back of your head, whispered something you didn’t want to hear. Because Abby was quiet. Too quiet. And the last time she was this quiet, someone disappeared, too. Dina, Dina had been pulled away just as quick. No time to think or justify. Just gone. L you felt like you knew the truth, as much as you ignored it. But did you? Did you actually know that Abby had pulled enough strings to get Jessica Framed? No…but the question hung.

✈︎ Staying friends with your ex’s friends usually wasn’t the brightest idea, but Nora respected your boundaries. Even if she was a bit more blunt than necessary, she was a good listener and sometimes gave advice that, at the very least, felt worth considering. She was always your go-to when you needed someone. Hell, she was even on your emergency contacts.

✈︎ So naturally, when that nagging voice in your head wouldn’t shut up about the Jessica situation, she was the first person you called. But today, the conversation felt like it was running in circles. Usually, Nora had no problem humoring your thoughts and theories, no matter how far-fetched they seemed. Today, though, she almost sounded irritated.

“I’m serious, Nor. Something is… off. This whole Jessica thing.” You sighed, painting your nails, the soft murmur of the TV playing in the background of your bedroom. The white polish coated each nail with a smooth gloss.

“Girl, she hasn’t texted you back in weeks. Who gives a shit?” Nora groaned on the other end of the line.

“I do,” you shot back. “Nora, she’s still my…” You hesitated. “Girlfriend, I think?” You exhaled, frustrated.

“See? You don’t even have a label with the girl.”

“She was one of those ‘we don’t need labels, blah blah’ types. Plus, I wasn’t sure if I was ready for something serious anyway,” you explained, sticking your toes under the LED blue light. “—That’s not the point,” you said. “What I’m saying is, I know Jess. Cheating on midterms is a one-way ticket out—everyone knows that., I just don’t get it,” you muttered.

“Yeah. And she took it. It is what it is” Nora finalized. Moving to a different topic of conversation.

────୨ৎ────

✈︎ You didn’t even bother talking to your mother about Jessica, or the breakup, if you could even call it that. All they saw was the golden girl of your past. Little Miss Perfect, who drove you up a wall. The first time they met Jess, it was less than pleasant. Small comments, poking questions about her family, her plans for the future. And you couldn’t even complain. They were comparing her to a girl who had it all from the outside. No one saw the other side. the side that drove you away.

✈︎ You hated arguments with them, so, reluctantly, you stayed quiet. You couldn’t engage in that conversation without emotions taking over. You felt like you were standing on one leg constantly. Always off balance. One push and you’d crumble. So you pushed through the semester. Changed your hair to a lighter color. A symbol of starting over, in a way. Yet your grip on stability was slipping.

Then, on the first of March, hope washed over you when flowers arrived at your door. They weren’t the white roses you were used to, but they were still beautiful. The fresh green stems contrasted against the soft petals blooming at the tops. You quickly brought the bouquet to a vase in your room. then noticed a small white note tucked inside.

Excitedly, you flipped it open. Jess had sent these, right? Maybe she felt bad for ghosting you. But as your eyes scanned the black lettering against the paper, your heart sank.

Oh, This was a breakup letter.

Jessica. Your Jessica. Jessica Marie Baldwin had sent you flowers to fucking break up with you. Your fingers loosened. With a small flex, The grip on the glass vase was gone. Clear shards sprayed across the floor of your room. Cold water seeped through your fluffy house slippers. You barely noticed, still gripping the paper in your hand. Your mind went blank.

✈︎ Your hands moved without a second thought, scrolling through the call log on your phone to dial the most recent number. The shoulder you cried on when needed, the ear who listened to all your tangents. As soon as she picked up, the tears broke out. Just the simple “Are you okay?” seemed to crumble any defenses you still had up. You began to ramble, explaining everything.

“Is she serious? A letter?! A damn letter, Nora. She couldn’t even have the decency to face me,” you sniffed, pacing around your bedroom. The cold screen pressed against your ear, a tissue in your other hand.

“Oh, and then I checked her socials. She took everything down and blocked me! Like she doesn’t even care what I think. She’s such a bitch, and—”

✈︎ You continued to rant to your friend. Sure, you weren’t head over heels per se, but you’d let her.—Jess, in to an extent. Gave her your time, mind, body. And all of it had been reduced to a letter. Months of time spent, all shortened to one hundred and thirty-six words. Half-hearted and lacking any real accountability.

“Yeah, that’s really messed up,” Nora agreed, but there was something off about her voice. quick, a little too dismissive. “You deserve way better than that, and you know it.”

“I know, Nor. I know. But I was starting to really like her, okay? Like, maybe it was working—” You paused…There was another voice. Faint, but there. Muffled, like someone else was in the room with her. Your stomach twisted, did she have people over? Or maybe had the tv in the background.

“Are… are you talking to someone? I thought I heard something.”

Nora didn’t reply immediately. The silence stretched. Too long for comfort. Then, she cleared her throat. “No, it’s just the TV. Keep talking, I’m listening.”

But now you weren’t. That weird gut feeling settled in, thick and uncomfortable. Your fingers tensed around the phone, an instinct you couldn’t ignore telling you to just hang up. Maybe you were just paranoid, but the longer the quiet stretched, the more your face distanced from the phone, your thumb hovering over the red ‘end call’ button. And then, just before you could pull away completely. A voice in the background. Low. Extremely Familiar.

“She’s still going?”

Your breath caught in your throat. Nora wasn’t alone. And you knew exactly who was with her. What the actual hell. you’d been balling your eyes out for the past thirty minutes, talking to the one person you trusted. And you were on speaker phone, spilling your guts out with Abby listening. Nora didn’t answer right away but her hesitation was all you needed.

Your stomach churned, the weight of betrayal settling deep in your chest. “Nora,” you said again, slower this time, voice laced with disbelief.

Another hushed sound. movement, maybe—before she finally spoke. “Look, it’s not—” Nora began then stopped herself.

“Oh my god,” you exhaled, gripping the bridge of your nose. “Are you fucking serious?”

More shuffling. A muffled sigh. And then—Abby’s voice, clear as day. “You’re being dramatic.” Your entire body went rigid. The cold screen pressed against your ear suddenly felt unbearable, your grip tightening around the phone. For the past thirty minutes, you had been pouring your heart out. spilling every last l thought, while she sat there, listening. Your throat burned.

“You put me on speakerphone?” Your voice wavered, heat creeping into it. “After everything?”

Nora tried again, “It’s not like that”

“You’re kidding me,” you cut her off, anger surging now. “No—fuck you, Nora.” You didn’t even let her respond before your thumb slammed against the red ‘end call’ button, the silence that followed so deafening it made your head spin. The minute your phone hit your dresser, you took a deep breath and realized March was off to a god awful start.

✈︎ You didn’t even let her respond before your thumb slammed against the red ‘end call’ button, the silence that followed so deafening it made your head spin. The minute your phone hit your dresser, you took a deep breath and realised March was off to a godawful start. Nora didn’t even have time to explain herself, the sound of the line dropping on your end. She sighed deeply. Resting her head back on the couch. Being put in the middle of her friends drama wasn’t easy for her earlier. Abby poking to figure out how you are and you leaning on her. So yes, unfortunately, every now and again she’s dropped small things. It seemed harmless at first. ‘She’s fine’ to a picture of your new hair colour to being convinced that maybe if she let her hear your voice, it would ease her some. How was she supposed to know you’d be bawling your eyes out, crying over your rebound?

✈︎ Abby, on the other hand, sat still, gripping the drink in her hand a little too tightly. The guilt should have hit her harder. Maybe it was there, beneath the surface, but all she could focus on was the sound of your voice. The way it cracked mid-sentence. The sharp gasps between words. The way you still sounded like hers even though you weren’t. She hadn’t expected to hear you like this. Not like this. Not for her. Jess. Of all people, Jess. That’s what had your voice breaking? That’s what had you sobbing into Nora’s ear. Did you even cry over her like that?

✈︎ Her jaw clenched, and she downed the rest of her drink, letting the burn fuel her frustration. Maybe she had no right to feel this way, but when had that ever stopped her before? Because as much as it made her chest tight, as much as it made her fingers twitch with something ugly. At least now she knew. You were still just as bad at letting go as she was.

✈︎ That was the first time she’d heard your voice in what felt like forever. And it should have been enough, should have at least been something…but all it did was make the craving worse. By the middle of May, it wasn’t just missing you anymore. It was the fucking need to be near you. To hear you, see you, remind you. You were hers. Maybe not in title, maybe not in the way that counted, but in the way that mattered. The way that had you crying over Jess like she was anything but a placeholder. Had you really convinced yourself that could work? That you could let someone else hold you, touch you, love you, and it wouldn’t kill Abby?

✈︎ The months of no contact had been unbearable. It had started as self-control, as some forced attempt at respecting your space. But that only lasted so long. In March, she was checking your socials even though she swore she wouldn’t. By April, she was driving past places she knew you’d be, lingering just long enough to catch a glimpse. By May, she was watching from a distance, skimming through the updates Nora reluctantly fed her, knowing just how little it would take for her to snap.

✈︎ And then there was Jess. She never liked the girl, not before, not during, and sure as hell not after. But Abby hadn’t planned on doing anything about it. She really hadn’t. Not until she started digging, until she found out just how easy it was to get a student kicked out on an academic violation. A quiet meeting with the right people. A few forwarded emails. Some conveniently “anonymous” tips about stolen coursework and recycled essays. Abby didn’t have to fabricate much, just bend the truth enough to make it work. And just like that, Jess was gone. Now you were alone again.

────୨ৎ────

✈︎ Fucked up or not, that’s where you needed to be. How else would she get you back at her side? This was the only sound way in her mind. She knew you. Knew how your mind worked, how your walls crumbled when you felt alone. Jess had been a barrier. a flimsy one, but a barrier nonetheless. And now, with her gone, there was nothing standing between you and the inevitable. But you weren’t making it easy. You weren’t running to her. You were ignoring her. Avoiding places she knew you’d be. Not answering texts. It was driving her insane.

✈︎ So when the opportunity came, she took it. Maybe it was fate, maybe it was sheer luck—either way, it landed you both in the same place, at the same time, alone. Maybe you had nowhere else to go. Maybe you had just gotten tired of avoiding the unavoidable. Either way, when she found you, you were right there. And Abby wasn’t going to waste it.

✈︎ The day was supposed to be a distraction. A moment to breathe, to reset. Your mother had suggested shopping. Insisting that fresh air, a few new things, and some time together would do you good. You weren’t convinced, but you went along with it anyway. The stores were bright, bustling with early summer sales. The scent of perfume lingered in the air, mingling with fresh leather and the crinkling of shopping bags. A deep sigh fell from your lips as you turned in the dressing room mirror. The dress was pretty, flattering even. But you didn’t feel satisfied. You hadn’t in months.

✈︎ Your mother picked through racks of clothes, occasionally holding something up with a questioning glance. You humored her—nodding at some, cringing at others with hideous patterns you wouldn’t be caught dead wearing. Then, somewhere between aisles and casual conversation, she brought her up.

“You know, relationships don’t always work out, sweetheart,” she said, folding a blouse over her arm. “And that’s okay. You learn, you grow… and eventually, you find the right person.” You swallowed hard, pretending to be interested in something on the opposite rack.

“She never really fit with you,” your mother added after a moment. “Not like—” She hesitated. “Not like before.”

Your fingers tensed around the jewelry stand. Not like before. You knew exactly who she meant. Why was everyone so obsessed with the idea of you being happy with her? That grip. the one keeping you away, keeping you angry, was loosening with each mention.

“I don’t want to talk about this,” you said, forcing a small smile as you grabbed something—anything—to change the subject. Your mother exhaled softly but didn’t push. By the time you both stepped out of the store, the sun had dipped lower, casting a golden glow over the parking lot. You felt… lighter. Like, for the first time in days, you could breathe without feeling the weight of everything pressing down on you.

✈︎ Then, suddenly, that relief was gone. The corners of your mouth fell when you saw her. Blonde-ish hair, free from its usual neat, pulled-back state. Bumping broad shoulders with a man you knew all too well. A few feet away, standing beside Jerry, Abby was right there. Your stomach dropped. She looked good. Too good. Broad shoulders squared, arms crossed loosely, wearing that damn tank top she always used to work out in. like she hadn’t spent the last few months unraveling you from a distance.

✈︎ The blue sky seemed to tint red with panic. Your chest tightened. Your breathing became shallow. You needed a paper bag, something, because suddenly, you forgot how to breathe. Your smile vanished. Without thinking, you turned sharply, grabbing your mother’s arm in an attempt to pull her away. But it was too late. She had already seen them. Oh god. You felt like you’d combust if you had to hold a real conversation with her—let alone her father.

“Oh! Jerry?” Your mother’s voice lifted with surprise. “Is that you?”You went stiff. Like rigor mortis had set into your still-alive body. Refusing to turn back around.

Flashes of the last few months invaded your mind. the weight of Abby’s stare pressing against your back, the feeling of knowing she was watching, even when you hadn’t looked. She saw you. You didn’t need to turn around to know.

“Well, this is a small world,” your mother continued, oblivious to the tension locking your body in place. “It’s been ages. How have you both been?”

There was a pause then he spoke up. “We’ve been good,” Jerry answered smoothly. “Keeping busy.”

✈︎ The warm weight of your mother’s hand settled on your shoulder, gently turning you around. All you saw were shoes. Polished. Expensive. White shoelaces. The conversation continued, but you weren’t present. Your mother nudged you lightly, expecting you to say something.You didn’t. Instead, you stared at the pavement, heart hammering against your ribs, praying for this moment to end. And Abby, just stared at you. Taking you in. Her eyes flickered over your slightly changed appearance. like she was trying to memorize every part of you all over again. She hadn’t spoken yet. Neither had you. Not a single word. But she didn’t have to. You could feel her, standing just close enough that the air between you felt thin. Like there wasn’t enough for the both of you.

Your mother, oblivious, turned toward you with a light laugh. “Oh, honey, you used to spend so much time at their place. It’s been ages, hasn’t it?”

Don’t do this. Please don’t do this. You repeated in your head.

“And Abby—” she smiled warmly at her, completely missing the way you stiffened. “You girls must be so busy these days, I haven’t seen you two together in forever.”

“Yeah,” Abby’s voice cut through the air, lower than you remembered. “Feels like forever.”

✈︎ That broke something in you. That hint of sadness contrasted the malice of her actions. some you knew of, the rest she banked on you never knowing. Your hands clenched at your sides, jaw tightening as you forced yourself to lift your gaze. And there she was. Standing there like she hadn’t wrecked you. Like she hadn’t spent the last few months pushing, pulling, destroying you piece by piece. But there was something else in her eyes, something raw. Something almost… afraid. Your throat felt tight. You wanted to say something. Wanted to scream, or cry, or demand to know why she was even here, standing in front of you like this.

Why was this relationship so hard to let go of?

Your mother, always oblivious to the tension building between the two of you, started talking to Jerry, pulling him toward the entrance of the store. Her voice faded into the background as they moved farther away, leaving you and Abby standing there, the weight of everything between you. For a long moment, neither of you spoke. The silence felt like it was choking you.

✈︎ Every time you tried to forget about her, move on to something healthier, new, it seemed to fall apart. New friends, relationships, even simple bonds. The universe was closing doors, and leaving hers open. This was suffocating, and Abby knew it. She had you right where she wanted you. Exhausted, worn down. Weeks of her poking, prodding, and waiting. Now, here you were, standing in front of her. Jessica had broken up with you. The flowers she sent, the empty apology, had left a sour taste. She wasn’t the one, but it didn’t stop you from feeling the sting. And now? You were standing here with Abby, who knew exactly how to push you to the edge and keep you there. You wanted to be angry. You wanted to scream, to slap her away from you, but you didn’t have the strength. She knew it. She was watching you, waiting for the breaking point. Her words, like always, like she hadn’t just put you through hell, greeted the air like a whisper, but they were so much louder than anything else. Everything else.

And then, Abby’s composure finally cracked. Her voice came out strained, almost a whisper. “Please… I need you to understand, I..” she began.

You stood frozen, cold to the touch. not sure what to do with the raw desperation in her tone. Abby ran a hand through her hair, her usual confidence slipping away as she tried to make eye contact with you. Her expression softened, and you could see how much she was holding back.

“I know,” she continued, her voice breaking slightly, “I messed up. And I’ve been trying to give you space, but it feels like every time I take a step back, I’m just losing you. And it’s killing me.”

You blinked, the words catching you off guard. Abby, the one who always seemed so certain, so controlled. was this really her? You saw something in her eyes you hadn’t noticed before: fear. Fear of losing you.

“Abby…” you started, but your voice faltered. She took a shaky step toward you, her hands trembling slightly.

“Please, just… please, I know I’ve hurt you. I know I don’t have the right to ask for anything from you right now, but I need you to know I’m not giving up. Not on you. Not on us. I don’t know how to fix everything, but I need you to at least let me try.” Her eyes were wide, searching yours for any sign that you were hearing her, that you were even still there with her. It felt like she was pleading, not just with words, but with everything she had left. You could feel the tension in your chest, the anger, the hurt. but her vulnerability… it made you hesitate. feeling the familiar weight settle in your chest. You had told yourself, over and over, that you were done. That Abby was in the past, that this cycle of push and pull had to end. And yet, here you were, standing in front of her, listening to her say all the right things in the exact way she knew would make you hesitate. her shoulders tense, her hands twitching at her sides like she wanted to reach for you but was too scared to. Abby Anderson, scared?

“I don’t know how to fix everything,” she had said. But she was going to try. You knew she would. She always did. The same exhaustion that had been weighing on you for weeks settled deeper into your bones. Maybe you could fight this. Maybe you could run. Maybe you could push her away again. But right now, standing here with her, you were just so tired. Right now, She wasn’t the one who had pushed you away and then dragged you back into her orbit. No, this was the Abby who needed you. The Abby who had been broken and lost, and somehow, you felt yourself faltering. That small sliver of stability you had been gripping onto felt as fragile as that clear vase. the one you shattered in a moment of heartbreak, the shards still wedged in the cracks of your flooring. No matter how many times you tried to sweep them away, they remained, catching the light, reminding you they were still there. Just like Abby. Just like the way she had made a home in your heart, no matter how many times you tried to evict her.

And for the first time in months,

you didn’t have the strength to pull away. Restarting that cycle.

Update: I’ve thought about it…give me a few, part 3 will be coming.

[mrscolinbridgerton96]

“The freakin’ London premiere- we all know that that was not supposed to happen; that was not okay.. and he still did it.”

I’m sorry, but what is this “bad behavior” that she’s alluding to? What exactly did Luke do that could’ve offended her and other people so much? Someone please enlighten me. I really want to know how Luke showcased “bad behavior” at the London premiere. I’m genuinely curious.. because, I personally haven’t seen anything- and I’m sure I’m not the only one who’ll say that.

~

This TikTok is 3 and a half minutes long. If you want to watch the video, go right ahead! But for those who don’t want to watch the full thing, I’m gonna give you my thoughts on just a few of the things she said in her video.

She talked about how Luke should post something on social media to show more appreciation to the fans. In multiple interviews throughout the press tour for season 3, Luke has talked about how he appreciates every ounce of support and love that has come from the fans and how he can’t wait for everyone to see Colin and Penelope finally get together. But apparently… to some (unfortunately), that’s not enough. Just because he hasn’t posted about how grateful he is for the fans, that doesn’t mean that he’s not grateful. To insinuate that he’s “inconsiderate” because he doesn’t post on social media is diabolical to me; it is not only unfair but it’s unacceptable. At the end of the day, Luke doesn’t owe us a damn thing.

The second thing I want to share my opinion on very much relates to the first thing. This girl talked about how he should post something for Nicola and publicly show his appreciation for all the times she stood up for him. To the people who have said this (and trust me, this girl is not the only one who thinks this) and believe that he’s ungrateful for her defending him.. let me ask you ask you something: did it ever cross your mind that he showed his appreciation for all the times she expressed her (platonic) love and respect for him privately? I’m sure they talk and text each other a lot. There are other ways to show someone appreciation- and it’s (to me) even more meaningful when it’s not on social media. Just because he doesn’t post about on social media.. it does NOT mean that he is unappreciative. Nicola has defended him publicly because she’s a good person and knows that he’s a good person too. There’s a reason that Luke’s cast mates (most of them he’s known for 5 years) only have good things to say about him. Yet, there are “fans” who want devote so much time and energy to talk shit about someone they don’t even know.

Lastly, and this is something I’ve addressed a few times before. She asked, and I quote, “What is the bullying that according to some of you he’s experiencing? Where is the bullying?” The way I see it; in my opinion, by asking that.. she has made it abundantly clear that she has NOT been paying attention.

I shared these screenshots back in July- they have since been removed from Twitter (I’m not calling it ‘X’ because it sounds like the name of a p*rn site). If any of this doesn’t count as bullying, then what the Hell is it? They weren’t complimenting him to lift his spirits up. He even said in an interview that he was verbally harassed for TWO YEARS because of Colin’s “I would never dream of courting Penelope Featherington” comment at the end of season 2 (even though Colin Bridgerton is a fictional character)- last time I checked… THAT’S bullying.

~

She says that she’s “holding him accountable” when he hasn’t done anything wrong. Has Luke said or done something that truly IS problematic? If he has, I would gladly hold him accountable for it. However, I haven’t seen him do or say anything that is so awful that he has to be held accountable for it.

She also talked about how A would post something when Nicola posts something- she posts something; same with when the official Bridgerton account posts something and she would overshadow Luke. You can point all of that nonsense out all you want, but Luke has NO CONTROL over what she posts on her own social media account or when she decides to post!! Regardless of how you feel about their age gap, she’s an adult who makes her own choices. She old enough to know to know right from wrong- just like the “fans” who have been harassing him for months.

One more thing, today.. she posted a TikTok about how Luke liked Nicola’s recent post and she was all giggly and excited.. with that being said, my mind is telling me one thing- that she is one of those people who only like Luke when he interacts with her on social media and/or is actually with her (whether it’s casual or in interviews). Now, I could be wrong; this is strictly my opinion- an observation, if we’re getting technical.

Overall thoughts: I know that Luke’s not a perfect human being and I never said that he was- no person living on this planet is perfect.. and I would 1000% hold him accountable if he did or said something that actually WAS problematic. But, from what I’ve seen.. he hasn’t done anything to deserve all of the negativity he’s been getting.

Now, if you’ll excuse me.. I’m gonna go take something for my migraine.

[olderthannetfic]

As of now, 5 March, the last we heard of James Somerton was the (possible) suicide note he left on his private Twitter, and I have thoughts about it.

Maybe I'm cruel, but I find it hard to find empathy for him, in this situation.

For years, he shamelessly stole from people in the community he claimed to want to talk for, insulted those he saw beneath him (women, trans folks), and used his influence to harass people into compliance whenever they noticed there was something wrong with his content. He spread misinformation, misogyny, and transphobia, belittled the academic efforts of those he took from by making their research pass as his own, and stole money from people with the promise of making queer movies that never happened (with the plot of one of these announced movies being yet another stolen intellectual property, Grady Hendrix's The Final Girls Support Group, as highlighted by HBomb's video).

Were people supposed to sit in compliance of this abhorrent behavior forever? Allow him to get even richer while stealing other people's intellectual property?

He was rightfully called out for something awful, people rejected his apologies because they couldn't be classified as actual apologies (and, furthermore, he claimed to have apologized to the creators and writers he stole from, but the few people who talked about this confirmed that they didn't hear from him), and then tried to come back to YouTube as if nothing happened at all. It was clear that this could never work in his favor.

Maybe it's because I was raised by an abusive parent who used to threaten suicide whenever I'd raise my voice and call them out on their behavior, but all of this sounds like a manipulation tactic, an "you won't let me game the system anymore, so now you deserve to rot in guilt for it!"

I hope he hasn't gone through with it, of course I do, but this entire situation smells terribly of someone who was backed into a corner and is currently threatening others to harm himself if they don't let him out of it without consequences.

--

Seems likely. One can intellectually wish all people well without being able to summon much personal sympathy for a specific person.

[itgomyway]

(you)r sp and you ♡

i have already made a post about how you should love yourself and your sp will love you almost as much (bc they actually are you!) but lets go into more detail

a lot of you guys, including me, wanted to get into a relationship. and with that, youve discovered the law of assumption. the basics start off with whatever you assume will be. but after months of arguing, harassment, and bullying on twitter, you’re probably confused and too scared to ask.

FUCK THAT. let me be the one to tell you that none of it matters. you very much can and WILL manifest your sp. others false opinions (false because theyre not real) mean nothing. this isnt a loass post though im talking about non dualism (which is not the same).

“but wait… i want my sp and non dualism isnt about getting so why would i-“ because your sp shouldnt be someone that brings you happiness. they should be someone who adds to your quality of life. why does that sound like loass vs non dualism? because it is.

people use the law of assumption to manifest desires for their physical world. theres nothing wrong with that! that is how i manifested my current relationship. however, when we speak about non dualism, it goes beyond trying to get anything. youre just being. and “getting” into a relationship can very much help or make your false sense of self feel better. you as consciousness know relationships themselves dont exist because it is you but your ego, the false sense of self doesnt know that. it wants to experience love as part of the human condition. but youre still not getting anything. lemme explain.

you were trying to “get” something that was never outside of you TO make you happy. that doesnt make sense when not only are they you, but they are apart of you. everything your awareness is on “reflects” how you feel about yourself because all there is is you.

lets go back to non dualism’s basics. everything is consciousness = you creation is brought on by your awareness = you. “but back when x happened-“ the past and the future do not exist. the only thing that exist is now. you cant “apply” this way of thinking to something that doesnt exist. that makes no sense. youre just going to confuse yourself. i am telling you RIGHT NOW the only truly real thing is YOU. that is all there is and will ever be. you can control your awareness through observations meaning youre in total control. read that again.

so when it comes to your sp, romantic or not, they are never not yours. they were never not you or not a part of you. every thought, feeling, affirmation, or word you wrote down, they have received. because its you. think about it. are you ever aware of anything youre unaware of? (no). because things only exist the moment youre aware of them!

and remember, if something can come to our awareness like a relationship and leave our awareness it is not real. but you, as consciousness are infinite and are always here and always consciousness. so you are real!

after discovering non dualism i have thought about the feelings my boyfriend has presented to me and how they currently match the feelings i have for myself. i have always loved myself and will always love myself. if i didnt, how could i expect my creation, which is a projection of my own self image, to have different feelings than me? your sp isnt a separate person. Your relationships will always show how you feel about yourself, romantic or platonic. they’re not real because they come and go through your awareness but your ego as the false self believes they are. and thats okay. thats its job. let it be and observe them as consciousness.

nothing can happen outside of your awareness because the moment you are aware/conscious of something, it exist instantly. so if your sp is treating you the way you dont want to be treated then reflect on your own feelings about yourself. this DOES NOT necessarily mean work on your self concept. ask yourself if “you�� think youre worthy of what it is your ego desires. a lot of my blockage came from that. i had to fall in love with myself so my ego could comprehend how i could be loved. because its still me.

lets talk about “free will”.

“free will” doesn’t exist. lemme tell you why. the idea of free will is a person outside of you having a say in their own life. the basic principle of non dualism means theres only one being, consciousness (you). so tell me how can “another person” “outside” of you have a say in their “own lives” when none of that exist in the first place?

your sp having or not having free will shouldn’t effect how you feel about them unless you see them as a separate entity outside of you. they’re not an “object” you control theyre your creation and another form of consciousness so of course you have control over your creations you have control over EVERYTHING.

your sp feels the same way you feel about yourself. always. if you dont feel good about yourself then i do suggest working on your self concept. not to “get” anything but for YOURSELF! why not love yourself? why cart that responsibility off to your creation?

at the end of the day, itll just be you surrounded by your creations. you can pick and choose what they are specifically BUT THE ONLY REAL THING IS YOU

© itgomyway

[chaifootsteps]

Hi hi! It's me, Concerned Anon (Directed to the Anon who had expressed feeling threatened.). The doc I created is NOT meant to harass people. I am fine with regular people in the fandom, it's extended to people like DJ and the like. I scrolled through the Doc and there's nothing of the sorts threatening people to off themselves.

If that's the case, then I would remove it. This is towards Chai as I treat him as a source. I feel like most people assume the Doc has content that's "Extreme as all hell" when in reality my language is only directed at people who commit actual crimes, I am not that extreme with my beliefs and anyone who name drops me on twitter for "threatening behavior" is only spreading false narratives and this ask is meant to clarify some things.

I do not care for the tame side of the fandom, as long as your not doing anything shitty and bad then it's fine by me.

The beginning of the Doc has stated numerous times to not harass others or send any hate. Hence: "If you are reading this with the full intent to harass anyone in the critic community or even outside of, then don’t. Especially if you follow Viv’s work and worship her. This will only further add more to the document and cause more issues than not. This document is meant to inform and educate/help others and make sure that Viv doesn’t get away with anything, as much as you like to not listen to what has been said, just act civilly and don’t act like it’s the end of the world because someone says VivziePop’s writing is bullshit. This will also serve as an open letter of some sorts, a walking, living, reading example of what the fanbase has done, that if VivziePop tries anything, we can show this document. You can still like her work and be critical of it, no one’s forcing you to not like it. "

The end of the Doc has a harsh message to the more "messed up side" as usual, most of us cannot control who comes to who, but we can also tell people to NOT harass others.

I do not intend to spread hate, if anything I am harsh on people like DJ, Dani and the creator.

My blog is not a Critic Space, nor do I intend for it to be that way. People who clarify this post as me being "harsh" hasn't read the full doc and are going off what Fans are saying.

I am simply only harsh to people who harass others for opinions, Dox, send death threats etc. Anything as a result of my Doc is my bad. But it's not in bad faith. I am simply doing my due diligence of cleaning up the Fandom, and if you haven't done anything wrong then I see no point in worrying.

I know this ask targeted to Chai, but this is for everyone whose worried. I am not some crazy "Critic" I am just someone whose Mentally Ill, with several disabilities who have been mistreated by the fandom and keeping archives.

By all accounts I am a normal human being. I just want to post Dragon Ball, not be called someone who wants to "hurt others" (trust me, the last time I did I ended up in the loony bin. I literally had the FBI shown up to my place."

So yeah, Doc isn't meant to sent any harassment, and if there's people doing that, cut that out. I am not dealing with this shit right now, as I already got alot on my hand.

I once again want to apologize if my "posts" causes issues. Not my intentions.

--Cooler's Malewife, Anon

Passing this along even though I have absolutely no idea what doc you're referring to. It sounds fair to people who enjoy the shows though, which is the way it should be.

[longing-for-rain]

Just so you know, some of your anons are coming from a blog called @mal3vol3nt

I do not know if you’re aware, but she’s chronically obsessed with you and has also been sharing your ao3 on Twitter and inciting harassment there too, saying you’re “racist” and a “degenerate” and accusing you of writing underage. Her blog lately is mainly posts about you and it sounds very similar to some of your anons

I had to check this out for myself and...wow. All I can say is just...wow 🤣

No, I actually had no idea who this person was but from the looks of it she's been obsessed with me for months? I guess that explains the anons, I knew these people were mad, but apparently they've been over here steaming over my takes and are legitimately terrified of me. And I didn't even know them! Didn't realize I've been doing numbers on Twitter (or X whatever it is now) despite never having an account.

(The rest is below; please don't click if you do not wish to see insensitive discussions of rape or if you are not in the mood to read opinions so malformed they will melt your brain)

I guess I have another angry little troll who doesn't know what a captial letter is obsessed with me. Wish I could say it was the first time, but alas. A lot of particularly funny things here though.

> Advertising your terrible ragebait Twitter like anyone finds you important

Lmao.

> "write fanfiction of katara being raped so zuko can save her"

What a terrible misread of the point of that story, but then again, I don't expect much else from a terminally online crybaby who exclusively consumes media for children. If you can't handle adult discussions about adult topics, maybe don't read stories that are clearly marked 18+ and with far more extensive trigger warnings than any mainstream media will give you.

> "measuring the size of her breasts and hips"

Lmao. I said she is drawn differently in different scenes. That's it. You guys are another level of unhinged.

> "obviously fetishes and racism"

It's kind of creepy how they sexualize Zutara, while simultaneously accusing us of doing that. Why do you assume a fetish is the only reason behind someone liking a ship? Why would you say this about a group of people including many black, brown, and indigenous women? And minors? And if you want to get into the whole fetish thing, don't even get me started on the shit I've seen from the kataang fandom. Hint: when I say some of you have a "mommy fetish" I mean it in a very literal sense. Not to mention the whole kataang rape discord debacle.

> "sick fantasies about these minor characters"

I have never depicted a minor in a sexual situation. I make a point to explicitly avoid doing that, and all characters are depicted as adults. Your lack of media literacy isn't an argument. If you're going to criticize my writing, at least read it, which you clearly didn't. And if the content is too upsetting for you, you clearly lack the maturity to engage in these kinds of discussions.

Imagine treating ship discourse this seriously, actually unhinged. Who said that Ember Island Players is the real Katara? What? She talks a big number about coke-fueled rants, must have given it a try herself. How do you expect to be taken seriously when you never say anything of substance and screech "racism" or "colonizer" every other word but can't even articulate the significance of those terms? Honestly, at this point you sound like a right-winger who thinks saying "but I'm [identity] and I agree with [opinion]" is a golden ticket to winning every argument.

And look at this: apparently I deserved all the things she and her friends sent me? Actually I respect this take, at least she's honest about it unlike the people who cry and backpeddle when they get caught red-handed.

I'm actually cackling at this one. Genuinely laughing; my neighbors are probably concerned. It's like you took every single Bad Person Allegation and threw it into a blender. And to top it all off, apparently 24 is "pushing 30" now LMAO. And apparently I, a lesbian, could only possibly like Zutara because I think Zuko is hot. Not to mention the way they entirely miss the point of Zutara, but ATLA itself, by insisting that Zuko is a "violent imperialist" who is apparently unworthy of love by anyone who does not share his skin tone. Kind of ironic coming from the people crying that I'm a racist who doesn't understand the show. Next level clownery.

This is so funny. These people are absolutely terrified of me, no amount of unhinged anons will hide that. It's fine for men to tell me I deserve rape and death, that I'm a dirty pervert for daring to speak out about sexual trauma, and that women's sexual trauma is nothing but a fetish, but if I respond to that man telling him he should die for being so disrespectful and misogynistic to rape victims, I'm the monster? I stand by it. If you think what he said about rape and rape victims is acceptable, especially if you're a man, die! Hang from ropes, as I said.🥰

I guess I should be really scared though. This is clearly a very influential figure in the fandom who is renowned for her enlightened wisdom on the plight of fictional cartoon characters against evil imperialists like me (adult with job).

...oh wait. I was excited for a minute, I thought I was dealing with a celebrity. But even the "callouts" struggle to hit 20 notes :/

And to everyone sending me positivity during this time, thank you very much! But I wanted to show you this to assure you I'm doing just fine. People can act as weird as they want behind a gray face, but after seeing the kinds of whiny little brats they are in reality, it's pretty hard to take it seriously. "I got my plane ticket" my ass, that would require you to leave your decaying, trash-filled apartment.

[going-to-ikea-for-the-fries]

why did you tag your post with gaz erasure my ass? like what was hard to believe that the cod fandom has blatant patterns of purposefully removing the only black character and replacing him with everyone under the sun? your friend lied about killing themself to make them look like a victim. and you participated in harassing people who saw this for what it was. you need to step back and reflect on your own self on why you thought that your friend’s “death” was caused by people calling out patterns of anti black racism and then go on to harass them. you are not an ally by any means.

Back when I used that tag, I paired it with another tag right after, it was meant to be an aggressive call out on misinformation, I had meant for it to read as 'Gaz erasure my ass, y'all just can't read'.

(This because the original post didn't read like intentional erasure but rather like codslut thought Gaz didn't fit the post, since she also didn't use Reboot Soap, she used *Captain* Soap, idk how best to explain it but to me the two soaps are different characters so i figured it was an intentional choice to use him and keegan rather than reboot soap and gaz)

Edit: I want to add that I also used codslut's own explanation as the basis for why I didn't think it was erasure. And at this point, she's clearly not to be fucking trusted, so it wouldn't surprise me if it really *was* erasure/racism and I believed her word that it wasn't.

As time went on, I dropped the last part of the tag of 'y'all just can't read', and looking back it not only reads as a racist dog whistle but also, just in general, sounds and looks fucking disgusting.

I've said this before, but I think it warrants saying again: I *didn't* mean to say Gaz erasure doesn't exist. It does very much exist in the community and even Activision themselves often erase Gaz from promo materials.

I'd hate for people to think that I either dislike Gaz or don't see the blatant racism/dislike/erasure that happens with him on the community. That's not the case. Gaz is a main character (unlike König like so many people try to replace him with) who I absolutely adore, and I call out erasure when I see it here on Tumblr, on Tiktok and on Twitter.

I never meant to make it seem like Gaz erasure doesn't exist. I only wanted to call out misinformation... and ended up doing the exact opposite of both my intentions. I'm sorry about that. It was not just disgusting but full on stupid of me.

I also want to say that I didn't think that that screenshot post specifically or even the act of people calling out racism where they saw it was the cause for codslut possibly killing herself. That is not what I meant at all. And I don't want anyone to think I blame @soapskneebrace or @glossysoap or anyone else for that. Blood was never on their hands, I want to make that very clear!!!!

When I was confronting people, I was doing so on the basis that they're big creators with big platforms and that by accusing codslut of racism/erasure they opened the door for anons to justify their actions when going after codslut because they have so much reach and people with bad intentions need less than that to justify the hate they send people.

Looking back, I know I was in the wrong for how I spoke. I was aggressive and rude and mean, and none of the people involved deserve that. Hell, my actions were hypocritical as hell and I probably opened the door for them to get hate themselves. I'm really fucking sorry.

If I could take it back, I would. I never believed nor wanted them to believe that someone potentially harming themselves was their fault. It wasn't.

I do plan on taking a step back to reconsider not just the way I acted but everything that's happened. In fact, I was already taking said break and came online only because I got word of @/fulltacs' post.

I appreciate and thank you for holding me accountable (and by that I mean you and everyone!). And I especially thank *you* anon for wording this ask this way, and giving me, at least, a chance to explain.

[choppedcowboydinosaur]

A few weeks ago I delved into this rabbit hole of watching videos about the In Praise of Shadows hit piece on Wendigoon. Now mind you I don't watch either of these people's content but here's what I noticed during this whole drama.

For In Praise of Shadows I noticed the following (Note for the rest of this post I will refer to In praise of shadows as IPOS because it's easier for me to type.):

He wants ideological purity for horror movies. He doesn't think any conservatives should be allowed in horror. He thinks horror is inherently leftist. Which is odd since you could make the argument 80's slasher films have a conservative bent to them. Were all debauchery is punished by the slasher villain and only the final girl survives by being pure. Also, he accuses Late Night with the Devil of being a conservative movie because some of the transition cards use AI. That is odd to me since if you are going to call that movie conservative it should be by analyzing its themes rather than accusing it of AI. It just makes him seem like a very fragile person.

Most of his accusations are just guilt by association and lying about the youtubers he's complaining about. He accuses a bunch of people I've never heard of being gun crazed guntubers. None of these youtubers are guntubers. He also shits on Mutahara and Shoeonhead for no legitimate reason. I stopped watching Shoeonhead a while ago and distrust her somewhat but even I thought that accusation of her being conservative was completely disingenuous.

He accuses Internet Historian of being a neo-nazi because his birthday being 4/20 which is apparently Hitler's birthday. This stood out to me since you'd think for someone as terminally online as him, he would know what the 4/20 meme is.

He often associates guns with right wing despite there are leftists who use guns. Again, it's a very twitter mentality he has.

He bitches about Wendigoon being supposedly rich. I don't know how true this is, but I am starting to doubt IPOS claims of poverty given his pretentious manners. That and all he cares about is making video essays.

Also, he is whiny about not making enough youtube money and having to walk in a parking lot to a horror convention in North Carolina. To be fair he might have been saying this on behalf of handicap people, but they have handicap stalls for a reason. Also, if you aren't making enough youtube money there's this thing called getting a job. Especially, a part time one which allows for a more flexible schedule for him to make videos. Again, this man is very whiny.

He sounds like a pretentious version of Morakiu. He speaks in a monotone voice with no inflection in his voice. At least Morakiu was funny.

He has twitter brainrot. I say twitter brainrot because specifically he thinks all of Appalachia is white racists. Say what you will about this site many here would have called him out on that. For the record Appalachians are not inherently racist.

He associates aloha shirts with the boogalooo boys/alt-right. He said this while wearing an aloha shirt himself. Now that might be him being ironic but his stupidity cancels it out. Now while the boogaloo boys love their aloha shirts it is not explicitly a right-wing thing. I am a local from Hawaii and many of us here wear aloha shirts regularly so it's not some alt-right thing. I hate how people have now associated something innocent with that. Aloha shirts existed long before the alt-right ever came into existence.

He has this schizo moment where he thinks Wendigoon was trying to harass him by following him on twitter. When it turns out Wendigoon followed him because he liked his Slenderman video.

Pretty much the whole internet pushed his shit in after he spouted all that nonsense. He is a living case of a terminally online leftist with twitter brainrot. On one hand this man was clearly going through a mental breakdown, is delusional and should touch grass/seek therapy. On the other hand, he is a spiteful miscreant who likes to tarnish other people so my sympathy for him is very limited. It's good everyone rejected his ass because I feel like if he did this shit in 2017, he might have gotten away with it given how crazy everyone was driven with the TDS.

Now onto Wendigoon. Despite all this slander Wendigoon forgives IPOS. To me this shows he is legitimate in his kindness and beliefs. Since he was forgiving to someone who did not give him any courtesy at all. Which is doubly ironic since IPOS hates when people slander him, but he is fine with slandering other people. It's like I'm looking at two people diverging form a forked road. One chose the path to hurt people because he was hurt. The other chose the path to help people because he was hurt and doesn't want anyone to suffer. He's honestly far more merciful than I would have been in that situation. The thing was bizarre overall. Hopefully, after seeing IPOS madness people will calm down and not try to cancel each other. Unlikely but hopefully that reckoning will come and people go back to normal.

[p41nty]

adam katz has done way too much shit and y'all just let it slide we all know about the ableism in the show and the fact he blocked who dared criticize him, but let's talk about the blatant ZIONISM of this man:

he had an isreali flag in his instagram bio until he was called out for it.

he said he put it there for "jewish pride" BITCH THAT'S NOT AN EXCUSE, THE GENOCIDE HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR 70 YEARS

he originally wanted to delay an episode for ONE DAY "to express our condemnation of violence"… sounds like shitty white man capitalist performative activism doesn't it

when he was called out he deleted his twt, privated his instagram and blamed it all on "harassment" and "death threats". what a fucking coward. y'all yt ppl love using the word "harassment" as a fucking buzzword

his mother, jill katz, openly expressed her support for isreal and was following the IOF on twitter. guess the apple doesn't fall far away from the tree.

we should kill this fucker already

do i even have the mental capacity to reply to this coherently.

adam is not his mother? he doesnt share the same views? hes made it explicitly clear he does not support the genocide. hes a jewish man who wanted to celebrate jewish pride but all of you motherfuckers think that just because someone is jewish means they support israels actions. news flash, they DONT.

have you even been on twitter to witness the threats actually happening? i have SEEN people be absolutely horrible to that man and send him death threats and harass him. but just because hes a white man you seem to think he just throws around that word to get sympathy. how is he gonna SEE any of the sympathy if he doesnt have any accounts to begin with?

and im not gonna pretend i wasnt pissed off at ae's shit episode delay, i was. i was infuriated that they thought one day was enough.

they heard us and changed it in the end didnt they? they listened to us and delayed it another week to make room for more awareness

of course at the time preferably not air it at all as it would act as a distraction from what was happen but ae is kinda going downhill so im not really surprised + the ableism thing has been going on for a while with the entire team and not just adam on his own (this is not defending him im mentally disabled myself so seeing him do this stuff is also harming towards me)

"blocked people who dared criticize him" because it resulted in him getting harassed. he unblocked them and apologised + put out a public apology about it later on (and it was well written might i add) since he had to step back and take a breather due to all the harassment he received

let me say this again.

NOT ALL JEWISH PEOPLE ARE ZIONISTS. ADAM DOESNT SHARE THE SAME VIEWS AS HIS MOTHER. LEAVE HIM AND HIS RELIGIONS BELIEFS ALONE.

the fact youre wishing actual DEATH on him makes you no better.

[66sharkteeth]

Hey man. No offense (genuinely, not sure if theres a bette way to ask this) but why do you care so much about a small handful of fans not understanding a few parts of the story? Yeah it's been explained before but with most if not all works - especially ones with a big audience - there are always people who misunderstand or missed something. Or just have a different opinion coz art can be subjective like that. Not trying to criticize you at all, but just seemed like a good amount of your frustrated rants come from this so, wondering why.

ahaha i literally asked about this on twitter yesterday... asking how i can remind people about events and facts in the story without coming off mean or condescending.

i SWEAR 99% of the time I'm not actually mad at someone just...forgetting or mixing things up, but i've been worried i've been coming off wrong lately so that's precisely why i asked haha. definitely gonna be working on my tone!

if you mean like in my weekly thoughts tho, those are very much kind of just...brain rambles. i know there was one a few weeks ago i was legit kind of mad during...but most of that wasn't even over misunderstandings, it was frustration over people not being able to differentiate their tastes and criticism, like how I get frustrated when people say horror is bad just because...they don't like horror. Like no, it's not bad, it's just not for you. I wanna be able to tell dark stories and it's frustrating when people tell me I'm a bad writer simply because they don't like dark stories. That's the only time in recent memory I've been...legit frustrated haha.

I swear tho, I'm 99% of the time not actually mad in my posts here (regarding misunderstandings) but i know i can get excited and use caps lock a lot which can come off cranky but i swear i'm trying to sound more in the tone of

There's exceptions like the note above and times when people were being incredibly violent and gross to Lyss last season (sorry, I just don't love reading misogynistic comments about how my character deserves a violent death to the point some people legit harassed me about her). but overall, i'm NOT mad and am trying harder to make that clear in my tone.

now... if you mean me getting sad when there's one harsh comment out of 100... sorry, that's just how my brain works ahah. i know i'm definitely not alone in that. it's just a lot easier to remember a bee sting that's still throbbing a few days later than 100 butterflies, no matter how pretty they were.

[dazedantics]

4 - I Wonder

It's been a few days since you went to the castle. And since you've gone to Briar Valley.

There wasn't a need for you to go, so you didn't.

Lucas did grumble about it though. He wanted to meet who he declared his 'bestest friend,' Sebek. He relented once you reminded him that he was a soldier. He would be busy helping others.

But he did so sadly. Dragged his feet when he walked, sighed loudly when you were working on something, saying things like, "I wish I had friends to play with." 

Or, "I did all my chores, Mom. Gee, I really would like to go play with my friends now."

Or, "Wow, this toy I got is really cool. I bet Sebek would like it. If only I could show him."

It was starting to get annoying to hear him moap about it, but at least he was more obsessed with Sebek than he was with his "dad."

You didn't want to drop by for a visit solely because you didn't want to run into Malleus, which would inevitably happen if you went. Which was the real reason why you hadn't gone yet.

Yes, Malleus didn't appear as ... malevolent as he was depicted to be. You didn't have to fear him (as much). But he was still a king. And one, you think, correctly- suspected you of being the missing queen. 

It would be beneficial to him to return you to your kingdom. That was something you absolutely could not afford to happen.

But, Sebek and Lucas did seem to get along. 

You wanted Lucas to hang out with him. He needed to. Needed to at least have someone other than you to talk to. And you trusted Sebek around him.

You slipped on a pair of light leather gloves, grabbed an old, full watering can, and started towards the backdoor.

Maybe you should start visiting Briar Valley more. Malleus did invite you to live there and regardless if it was just to better keep track of you, it was starting to sound like a good idea.

There was sure to be other kids around Lucas age he could play with. And if you needed anything, it would be all around you. Nearby.

Plus, your safety from Rias would be guaranteed within the Valley.

Getting the residents used to your presences would need to be your first step to moving in though. Best to get them somewhat used to having humans among them, right?

And if their reactions were negative towards you during those visits, you could save yourself the trouble of starting to live there then being harassed daily.

You hummed to yourself. 

Then, tomorrow you and Lucas would tour the Valley and see if you could manage living there. 

"Lucas!"

"Yes, Mom?"

"I'm going to be outside if you need anything, okay."

"Okay. I'll just sit here on the couch." He sighed. "I think Sebek would know a fun game we could play right now...."

You corner of your lips quirked up and you sighed.

Maybe, just maybe, if you had time, you could visit Sebek tomorrow as well.

Why he had become so attached to these people not even after a whole day was a mystery to you.

You turned the smooth doorknob and walked outside.

It was cool, a light breeze brushing your h/c locks out of your face the moment you were out. A lone bird was singing a song up in one of the many trees, waiting for someone to return his tune. 

"I wonder, why each little bird has a someone, to sing to, sweet things to," you sang softly recalling the words a famous, blonde princess once sang.

You knelt beside the little garden you made, still singing, "A gay little love melody."

It still wasn't much, but little green leaves were beginning to sprout. "I wonder," with more time and nurturing, they would grow big and resemble the vegetables they were meant to be.

"I wonder," you poured some water over them and pulled out some weeds that were also beginning to grow.

"If my heart keeps singing, will my song go winging."

You heard another bird join the first, twittering back the melody. You smiled, spotting them up in the trees finally.

Two little, brown sparrows. They nuzzled each other happily before one flew off and the other gave chase. 

Cute, you thought.

"To someone, who'll find me, and bring back a love song, to me." 

You hummed the tune, enjoying the peaceful atmosphere outdoors.

Until, "You have a lovely voice."

You jumped, knocking the watering can over and dousing the plants. "Shit!"

Amused laughter rang from behind you. "My apologies, I didn't expect you to be so jumpy."

"Why the hell are you here?" You questioned, quickly picking up the can to try and prevent overwatering the plants.

Malleus stood by the backdoor, an impish grin on his lips. 

"I visit here often. At least, I did until you arrived."

You stood and eyed him warily. "I told you this place isn't abandoned anymore. There's no need to come back to visit."

"Perhaps not. But I do enjoy the tranquility out here. You don't mind me coming back out of habit, do you?"

You doubted he came just cause of habit. But you didn't say anything.

"That song," He continued. "It's not a very popular one. Not many are out there who know it. Do you know how it came about?"

Was he baiting you? 

"Not a clue."

He hummed and walked towards you. He scrutinized you for a second, green eyes boring into your e/c ones.

He was handsome, you couldn't deny that.

The way he held himself, so sure and strong. His pointed horns gleamed, sitting upon his head like a twisted tiara. The way his dark hair curled perfectly around his cheeks and splayed neatly across his shoulders. His clothes, although perfectly fitted to his lean figure and clearly made of high quality material only royalty could afford, looked so plain and despite that he filled them so well.

Had he wore tattered rags you had no doubt he'd still pull it off.

His pale skin could have been considered a sign of unhealthiness but the contrast of his dark clothes and hair made him appear ethereally beautiful. His bright green eyes were shadowed by light black make up, it made you drawn to gaze into them. 

If you weren't careful you would get lost in them.

"... gorgeous...."

A smile worked itself onto his thin lips as he heard your subconscious words, revealing his pristine white fangs to you.

"A princess named Aroura liked that song," he began, breaking you out of your trance.

You took a step back and focused your attention anywhere that wasn't him.

"She was very lonely in her youth, often singing about her longings to the creatures of the forest. Her only companions."

"That's nice. If you'll excuse me I must be going now. And so should you." You walked towards the house.

"I have time to spare." He followed, his slender legs allowing him to catch up to you in half your steps.

"Won't your men be looking for you?"

"Indeed. But you needn't worry about it. I'm sure they won't mind. They've been wondering when you'll show up again. They'll be happy to learn you're alright."

You stopped just as your hand reached the doorknob.

"Draconia?"

"Hm?"

"You have told them that you and I have done nothing together and that Lucas isn't your son, haven't you?"

He smiled, his eyes squinting slightly. "I've never told them that was the case to begin with."

You turned to face him fully, setting down the watering can, and placed your hands on your hips.

"You do know the negative implications it will have on you, not to mention me, if rumors spread that you had a child out of wedlock? Regardless if they're true or not, it's your duty as king to knock down anything that can harm your position."

"I have many negative feelings towards me already. What's another little lie to add on the pile? Besides, you live alone, out here. What's it to you if people assume you've spent a night or two of ecstacy with a feared being?"

Heat rushed to your face at his way of explaining things. "I-I I still have an image of modesty to uphold, Draconia. I'd appreciate if no weird looks were thrown my way if I were to move into Briar Valley as you suggested. Besides, Lucas has no magic at all to speak of. It'd bring even more shame to you if people assumed he was yours and see he's nothing like you."

Malleus' smile faded and his brows raised up. "You actually want to move in?"

"... why do you say it like that?"

Was he joking when he had mentioned it the last time?

"Oh, nothing. I just didn't think you'd consider it."

"Well. I guess I wo-"

"Mom! Can I get a cookie yet? Oof!" Lucas swung open the door and bumped into your back as he walked out. "Hey! What's the big ... Dad! You're here!"

Lucas threw his arms around Malleus' legs tightly.

"Dad, Mom won't take me to see Sebek again! Can you please take me to see him? Please, Dad, pretty please? I promise I'll behave and I did all my chores already. Honest."

"Lucas, quit that already."

Malleus reached a gloved hand down to ruffled your son's hair. "Perhaps another time."

"But ... Daddy?" He looked up at him, trying to appeal to his emotions by tearing up and pouting.

Malleus rolled his wrist and a toy figure that looked sort of like a pig in armor, appeared in his hand. The tears vanished from Lucas' e/c eyes, replaced by starry amazement.

He handed him the action figure.

"If you wish to see him, you need only walk into the palace. If you run into trouble just call for Lilia. Now then, perhaps I should get going and tell them you're alright."

Lucas nodded eagerly and squeezed him before letting go.

"Thanks, Dad!"

Your eyes met Malleus' one last time before he disappeared again, leaving green fireflies in his wake.

Masterlist

[mimikoolover]

funnily i think about the content of your ask quite a lot...i also think it's interesting that this topic only comes up concerning jungkook and not 'sus' things about jimin that tbh i don't even bother looking into but saw a bit about back in the day (that actress posting from his place or whatever?).

you never, without fail, manage to throw jimin under the bus it's actually quite impressive. anon talks about a video in which there is a man who has the same hairstyle as jungkook around that same time, a dog who looks very similar to bam, and in an apartment that is the same as jungkooks with a very very similar layout and think "that might not be him" but believe that deranged woman posting supposedly from jimins place is in fact true. you know who doesn't know how to defend a member without bringing another member down with them? a diet solo. happens all the time on twitter and it's funny seeing you act just like them.

this isn't the first time you have thrown jimin under the bus, everyone knows your bias, and until the day people like you get called out rightfully and removed from these spaces, you all, you and the jikookers who still support your page, have no space to talk about solos or other shippers when i guarantee you would side with jungkook solo if it came down to it. you sure as hell aint picking jimin.

you scroll through your page and it's 80% jungkook, 10% jikook and the other 10% is jimin and we're supposed to believe you love them equally ☠️ the north remembers you being shady to jimin and people who do that have some inner resentment towards said member and it's only a matter of time before jimin does something to piss you off and you really let that side show again. this is why jikookers will never know peace as long as you all keep using jimin for your self interests 😁

i will respond to you one last time because i want to tell you that you are pathetic but i will not allow any of this of nonsense from you or anyone else from the new year. you have been warned.

if you consider discussing the possibility of jimin dating someone throwing him under the bus, then you are actually a jimin anti who uses him as a prop for stan wars and strips of him of his humanity because him dating whoever he wants to date is a human right, not a scandal. if you had any logic you would realise that whether jimin is dating or not dating certain people is highly relevant in a conversation about whether jikook are dating each other or not, a thing that people love to omit to talk about because they instead hyperfixate on jungkook and his actions as if it's only up to him whether a ship is real or not. you are an actual idiot if you don't think it's relevant and for someone who's anti jikook you sure sound mad about jimin dating other people. if you think you can dictate what topics i do or don't talk about, i'm here to tell you that you are so wrong my dude.

the north remembers that you've been harassing me and other people about me for a year and a half and in that time there has not been one thing you could point to that's anti jimin. for a YEAR AND A HALF you've been mentally unwell checking my blog for any jimin hate and coming up empty. that is unhinged and psychotic, and you need serious mental help.

i don't know what space you think you're removing me from, my own blog? the jikook tag you have no business being in? you sound scary dude. truly and deeply mentally unwell and scary to be threatening people like that, so much that i fear for how you function in society acting like this. twitter brain rot doesn't even come close to describing what you have, and how scary you sound. how you and others like you on twitter act is deeply deeply unwell. you truly sound unhinged and like you're going through a manic episode. yapping on about diet solo when your mental health is on a diet. none of what you said makes any sense and the only person removed from anywhere will be you, from my blog and inbox. the way that you are the one who uses jimin for your self interest is actually beyond funny. it's also funny that you don't realise that jimin would hate to see anyone claiming to be his fan being an unhinged hater, he'd probably feel sorry for you and that's because he's kinder than i am. you are unhinged and cringe and unless you get off twitter and become a normal human being who acts like it too, you are embarrassing yourself and acting in ways that jimin would never condone. it's actually so funny to me that in this situation jimin would side with me and not you. that you don't realise it truly amuses me 😁

[justinspoliticalcorner]

Jess Piper at The View from Rural Missouri:

I am also the typical rural woman, with one exception…I am a progressive. And I’m loud. And I have a large platform. And I call out the GOP, which is why what I’m about to tell you might not shock you: my family was swatted. The swat unfolded in such an odd manner. I was gardening — no surprise — and I heard my dogs start barking. They do this when anyone pulls into the drive. I looked up to see a County Sheriff’s SUV parked down the drive. He didn’t pull up close to the house. My first instinct was panic. We have four adult children and my first thought was that something had happened to one of my kids.

The deputy was apprehensive which made me even more nervous. Then I saw he had a piece of paper in his hand. Whew! I thought maybe he was looking for someone or that I had a summons or something of the sort. He stood away from me and asked if my name was Jessica. He knew the answer, he lives down the highway, but I affirmed it. He then asked me how many kids I have. Again…panic. I asked him what this was about? He walked up to me and handed over the piece of paper he was holding. It was a printed email that had been sent to several law enforcement offices and several state offices in Missouri…it had even been mailed to my local water department. The email claimed to be from a close family relation. The letter stated that the family member had murdered me and my husband the night before. It went on to state that they intended to shoot and kill anyone who came on the property. [...]

This is going to be a long list. I can think of several state legislators who would like to see police storming my house with guns drawn. I get threats nearly every week online, but I brush them off as bots. And, then something came to mind that happened last week… I wrote a tweet last week that got the attention of an account called “The Libs of Tik Tok.”

I wrote about a doctor at the fatal Trump rally who gave medical attention to the fireman who later died at the rally. I talked about being so confused to see a doctor, an OBGYN, wearing a MAGA hat and shirt. In the tweet, I spoke about not wanting to think about the treatment an immigrant or a person of color or a woman in need of an abortion would receive from that doctor. I was horrified to know that a practicing physician could support Trump. There is an important distinction for me: The doctor wasn’t your ordinary, run-of-the-mill, conservative Republican. He attended a rally in which others had signs for mass deportation and concentration camps. That’s not okay. The tweet took off, but nothing too wild until that evening. I saw my phone blow up. I muted the tweet, but it was being quote-tweeted. A lot. So, I caved and looked at what was going on. It was the “Libs of Tik Tok.” Shit. Here we go. They were not only threatening me on Twitter, they found me on Facebook and started replying to my posts. They moved to my Tik Tok account and did the same thing. I spent a couple hours blocking and deleting comments and then really didn’t think much more about it. I thought it was over.

[...] Raichik uses her platform to harass teachers and LGBTQ folks especially, but anyone in general. I am a former teacher and a progressive activist…prime for the attack. Her minions often call in bomb threats and send police officers to the doors of progressives. Someone pulled my swatting off, but there is something they should know: I was rattled, but not terrorized. You didn’t win. I am a rural woman…most in my community know me and my politics. When an email came in claiming to be a close relation who shot and killed me, they thought better than to send a SWAT team out. They knew it sounded off because they know of me. They sent my neighbor, the Deputy Sheriff. They were right.

Read this Substack post from Jess Piper, and it’s very frightening. Piper and her family were swatted recently at their home, and anti-LGBTQ+ extremist account Libs of TikTok (run by domestic terrorist Chaya Raichik) incited the swatting.

[starchildrenofdustand-ashes]

Cabaret at The Kit Kat Club at the August Wilson Theatre Experience !!

ALL RIGHT MEIN DAMMEN UND HERREN

So, I saw Cabaret at The Kit Kat Club at the August Wilson Theatre on Tuesday, June 18. There were quite a few replacements in that night, specifically Gabi Campo on for Sally- she's usually Lulu I think.

Also, I’ve seen this production within London with Nic Meyers and Jake Shears as Sally and the Emcee, respectively. You can read my review of that here

Though they were the same production, there were things I noticed that were different,,,, So without further ado, here are some things I noticed/ liked/ disliked about this production!

When you first walk up to the theatre you’re greeted by security and if you’re over 21 they’ll stamp your hand and welcome you into the club (or, if you’re like me, they’ll give you the hardest side eye and ask you to see your ID before they stamp you lol,, also pls enjoy my sally inspired makeup look I had so much fun with it hehe)

Once you’re inside the theatre, if you have a stamp, they’ll give you a complimentary shot of cherry schnapps. Then very similarly to London, you’ll travel through a red lit hall with the eye emblem glowing green at the end of the tunnel, and the headshots of the actors decorating the wall. Down the hall theres a glowing green eye. After this, they cover your phone with a sticker and you’re not supposed to take photos of any kind, including selfies.

Before you get to your seats, they’ll invite you to travel downstairs where there’s a bar and some dancers on stage. Very cabaret-esque. There’s this giant eye downstairs that has a disco ball as a pupil. Downstairs is also the red bar. Upstairs is the green bar. Or vice versa, I don’t remember.

My seats were in the first mezz, in the last row. Honestly, the seats were great, I didn’t even need to use my opera glasses and could see their facial expressions pretty well.

So here are some thoughts and a breakdown of the staging of this production:

💋So y’all saw the Tony Performance 💀 you know what it looks like. On a different note, I don’t know why he got so flamed for it, I quite enjoyed it until I opened up twitter. It’s very clear that Eddie Redmayne is playing an Emcee we’ve never seen before. When I first listened to the London album, I was kinda in shock because: Firstly, I love Eddie Redmayne, but I’m not the biggest fan of his vocal tone and second, he talks in this weird high pitch gremlin voice and upon first listen I found it cringy and hard to listen to 😭 it took me a REALLY long time for me to be able to say I enjoy the album. BUT. After seeing his performance, I think he’s amazing! His Emcee is awkward enough to be rather endearing and the robotic movements prevalent in the beginning of the song don’t seem to last.

💋I don’t know if I mentioned in my other cabaret review, after The Emcee notes the orchestra was beautiful, the girls and walk with black veils and while the orchestra is jamming, the emcee connects these things hanging from the ceiling to the top of the veils, so when the lights turn on, the veils are lifted off the girls

💋there was this one old dude at one of the tables and Eddie was chronically harassing him in true crass EMCEE fashion we have to sta. Eddie also made several adlibs to the audience during Willkomenn, like telling someone not clap, they haven't finished yet 💀

💋 I also made a note at the end of my other cabaret review, where I asked if anyone who saw Eddie could explain to me some of the noises he makes on the cast album lol 💀 After seeing him, I’m still not sure what the noises are 💀💀 it’s like this weird, harsh, ‘kuh’ sound he makes as punctuation? Or something? You can hear it especially in Wilkomenn and Money, does anyone have thoughts? 😭

💋During Wilkomenn Sally came on our side of the mezz! She squeezed through the first row of the audience and was waving and giving pure celebrity lol

💋 On another note, I actually liked Eddies Emcee in this song? Yeah he makes a lot of strange choices, and I’ve made jokes about him being a sleep paralysis demon, but I’ve never found is portrayal to be terrifying? Strange? Definitely. Off-putting? No. Unique? Absolutely. Terrifying? Absolutely not. The physicality takes some getting used to, but to me it was giving an awkward geek who is excited to finally be given a moment on the stage. The jokes he tells in this production are less outwardly seductive and the delivery is honestly a little awkward. I feel like the punchline is what makes it raunchy and even then, they seem unfitting because eddies Emcee comes across as so sexless 😭 which is what makes the character charming!! You still laugh at his jokes and are waiting for more from him. lol it’s weird, but if you find him genuinely terrifying… idk, I see more horrifying shit scrolling through my socials

💋 So. I have beef with Cliff. I was not the biggest fan of neither the actor, nor his character in the revival. Firstly, for both the London production and Broadway revival, you have to suspend disbelief that a Nazi (Ernst) would walk onto a train and immediately pick out a black man to befriend lol. Secondly, Cliff really takes a backseat as a character here. In all adaptations Cliff may appear rather small because he’s not larger than life like the Emcee or Sally, but here he falls absolutely flat for me. I just felt like Ato Blankson-Wood was very flat, even at the peaks of the play. I don’t know, just a personal opinion.

💋as for Gabi Campo, she was amazing! She was so vibrant as Sally, with such an amazing voice. I was a bit concerned at first because her performances of Don’t tell Mama and Mein Herr were kinda flat and lackluster but by Maybe this time I was absolutely in love with her Sally 😩😩

💋In the London production I saw, I really felt like Herr Schultz and Frauline Schneider were sidelined, which was 1000% not the case here. Bebe Neuwirth and Steven Skybell absolutely stole the show when they were on stage together.

💋Two Ladies. Omfg. I don't know man. First off?? I knew Eddie Redmayne was buff because his arms look incredible, but he also has a six pack, and I just?? what the fuck 😩 But I mentioned in my other review, Sally's suitcase is center stage from Perfectly Marvelous and The Emcee Pops out wearing a comically fluffy coat that resembled Sallys. In the London production, Sally also had on a bandana and glasses, but here he just had on the coat lol.

💋Tbh, Two ladies is just so chaotic in every production, my favorite one may be the simplistic, two people, and one sheet with lewd shadow gestures in the Mendez/ cumming one. But this number was similar to the London production: other Kit Kat ppl coming onto the stage, Hans in like bondage gear, people humping each other, one of the girls wanking and reading mein kampf.

💋 It Could't Please Me more could not have pleased me more!! I loved it. I felt so much more connected to these characters and was actively rooting for them! They seemed more spunky and young (and also actively horny) There was a part towards the end of the song where Scheniders opens the bag and Schultz slowingly puts it into the bag while maintaining intense eye contact. Then Schneider shudders and says she's overwhelmed and its very hot and cute lol.

💋Tomorrow belongs to me was essentially the same as London, but the ending is different. Eddie Redmayne comes on stage Left and holds one of the rafters and sings the song. I was close enough to the stage that I could see there were stamps of the eyes in a circle around the turntable. Then one by one, the ensemble puts these aryan dolls wearing brown suits onto each of the eyes. They spin around him until they remove them one by one. Redmayne sings the last line of the song on the stage by himself and then removes his red haired wig when he says 'to me'. Versus London when he pulls out the blonde wig and holds it up

💋 Maybe this time was pretty similar to London I think, but I don't recall. They were in an embrace before the song stars so when they break apart Cliff freezes with his arms bent and outstretchedd towards Sally. She sings the entire song with Cliff frozen and he singing the song in the same spot as well. At the end he unfreezes.

💋 Now. For money. I have always been confused about the imagery that the costumes are trying to envoke. It's an absolutely stunning costume, and I know the helmet is a stahlhelm from wwII and I read something about him being like an undead soldier? I don't know. I think this costume is more suited for when he appears in tomorrow belongs to me reprise. It's catering to the spectacle element of theatre and it's interesting to look at, but to me, I felt disappointed with this number both here and London- especially because I had seen the costume and was expecting to get some clarity watching the performance. but lol. yeah no.

💋Another thing about Eddie's performance in Money that I had questions about in my previous review was all the weird fucking sounds he makes, especially during this sound. And even though I saw him performance, and could see the physicality paired with the sounds it still makes no sense to me lol. I can provide a bit of clarity of what he's doing for each sound tho so, if you listen to the cast recording while reading this there will be time stamps of each sound lmfao

💵 2:26- he's wailing at the Kit Kat ensemble and kinda controlling them? They are at opposing ends of the turn table

💵 2:44- the girlies are clawing at him and wailing and he like blows them a kiss? and then cackles about it as the turntables continue to spin them.

💵2:56- he bends over with his arms extended behind his back a la anime run and wails in the faces of the audience?

💵 3:00- Interspersed throughout the whole thing he's making the weird 'kuh' spitting sound that drives me absolutely drives me crazy because WHAT IS IT EDDIE BEYOND A CHOICE? A WEIRD FUCKING CHOICE FOR WHAT??? TO KEEP ME UP AT NIGHT???

💋 So in the scene before Married with Kost and Schneider/ Schultz, where they do the whole bit with the men doing the walk of shame out of their respective rooms, Schultz exits Schneiders rooms stage Right putting her sweater on, then he realizes and whisper-shouts "Wait! Wait this is not mine!" and runs back the direction he came lol

💋 During Married, the two stand in the middle of the stage while Kost is stage right holding a pillar.

💋 Tomorrow Belongs to Me Reprise is the same as it was in London, immaculate Art the Clown cosplay done by Redmayne.

💋 The kick line is also the same- although, I don't remember if the members of the ensemble brought people onto the stage and made them dance in London lol . They did the same audience - waving your hands in their air thing too. They also were all wearing red party hats like London. Redmayne also pops up center stage holding a gun that shoots out a Nazi flag when the tune becomes more militarized.

💋 I remember much more from Redmyane's If you could See Her than I do from Jake Shears (although that's because I saw Redmayne a week ago and Shears half a year ago lol ) Because of this, I can't cite major differences- maybe they were the same lol.

💋The Gorilla is realistic and picks Eddie up and dumps him on the ground when she feels like it lol. Very animalistic and not as cute as the previous productions.

💋During the dance break, Redmayne gets on the ground and bounds across the stage in synch with the gorilla.

💋When he ask the audience, to live and let live, it got a lot of applause. I also didn't really like the way he delivered the last line of the song? I don't know, it didn't feel as impactful, and it felt kind of throw away.

💋During Married Reprise, Redmayne is kinda skulking around the wings, and pillars. If you're watching him instead of Schultz/ Schneider, you'll see him grab a glass and rap it into a cloth napkin. then he'll skulk back on stage, and stand in-between the couple and gently place the napkin in-between their feet. They continue singing and at the climax of the song he steps on the bundle, and a loud cracking sound effect sweeps the theatre. The lights cut off. When they lift back on slowly, there is white pieces of confetti falling and he's standing between the two of them, hunched over, arms outstretched behind him.

💋 After the song ends and the couple walk off stage, he pick up the bundle in silence and a whole opens in the floor and he dumps the shattered glass through it.

💋During what would you do, when Bebe Neuwirth sings the climax of the song, the center circle in the center of the turntable lifts her up and yellow light streams in.

💋 When Cliff is beat up the members of the club walk int and menacingly crowd around him, kicking him and also taking his coat.

💋 Sally is wearing nothing but her purple undergarments at the Start of I don't care much- The Emcee has a blonde wig now, and he's donned the brown suit. After he sings the first verse, he kinda puppeteers Sally, and she isn't really resisting him, she's more so just going along. At 2:33 you can hear it on the cast Album , like panicked breathing and whatnot. It's the same for the London cast, but it's Sally, when the Emcee finally grabs her. Then she dons the brown suit over her outfit and runs off the stage.

💋 So Gabi Campo's Cabaret was Amazing. Started off very emotionally numb and eventually goes stark raving mad. Loved it.

💋 In the finale Cliff is back on the train, The Emcee is the train guy in his aryan suit. When he and the Emcee start singing Wilkommen together, the Emcee grabs his hand and pulls him in and they kinda stare off. Then it's like the spell is broken, for one second when the quirky hunched Emcee comes back and adresses the audience.

💋The club members, appear in their suits, lining up ontop of the eyes around the circle. Cliff, Sally, Schultz and Sneider are also standing in the circle. The emcee is raised onto the middle of the platform, conduction the drum rolls and then the lights black out.

Honestly, I love this production. I think it's amazing that Alan Cumming made such a mark on Cabaret history that an Emcee not done similar to his is not an acceptable Emcee to many. Personally, I find this Emcee to be like Joel Grays Emcee, who I refer to as an 'impish little pervert'. and he just kind of smiles creepily and looms throughout the entire show. Joel Grays Emcee also isn't actually a queer character either, and it wasn't necessaryily a roll created for a queer actor, especially since Joel Gray was closeted at the time. So. I don't think this production is "spoon-feeding" the subtext of the show to anyone. It still provides thought provoking imagery and interesting performance/ directing choices. I also think so much of this particular show is up to interpretation, where Cummings Emcee is not- at the end he's in the uniform with both the star and the pink triangle. That imagery is quite clear. What does this new imagery symbolize? The death of individual or queer identities? The complacency or brainwashing within the Nazi regime? The goal to create a society that looked exactly the same? Is the Emcee an actual character or does he represent the city? What about this show makes negative reviewers think it's not thought provoking and the directors felt a need to spell everything out? Sure, this production delivers far more obvious 'hints' than the Mendes/Cumming one, but both productions deliver their points, and quite well.

If you read this far, thank you ily lmao🫶🏾

[floatiessmx]

That account is under every comment on his recent post calling him an abuser and a monkey, she needs help. There are multiple reasons ik this is a made up story so let me start.

This account claims the harassing started after this random girl made a comment on lipstick alley talking about how his escort wasn’t anything special looks wise, or something along those lines. now first of all i went to lipstick alley and in the timeframe they claim (over 2 years ago) there is not one comment on his LSA thread that backs up this story, no one making any comment on his “escort”. infact the only time an escort was even mentioned at all was an account saying they saw a tik tok claiming he slept with one which is completely unrelated. no name, information, link to social media, images or even hints at any escort he was supposedly involved with … so tell me how on earth this account would have known anything to comment on her looks/body as claimed? if they have been getting death threats for over 2 years then that means this would have happened pre madrid, it’s very easy to look back on his thread as it only had like 10 pages before his move and that would fit this apparent timeline … yet nothing. there was literally no evidence of jude with any escort until much later on.

second reason is this story sounds suspiciously like a lot of random anon “tea” and stories thrown together as one. the bit about him making fake accounts/doxxing sounds like that one anon months ago who was on your account and others claiming that jude has multiple tumblr accounts and was using burners to be rude towards girls and dox them. the part about his team apparently making accounts and typing the exact same way as this girl to make her look bad also sounds EXACTLY like a situation that happened on LSA i think last month? a known troll account kept being deleted and then making new accounts to come on and spew nasty things about denise and other weird comments, but when confronted about it they literally said almost word for word that “someone was clearly making fake accounts of them and typing the same way to make it seem like it was them”

next, how tf is someone able to track down someone’s personal accounts after one LSA post? especially when they never posted any images in this apparent story that could revel any info. yes high tech wizards could do it with software, but 19 year old jude who spends all day training? please lmao. how did this “girl” work out he was the one behind the account if he was apparently catfishing her?

It is clearly an unhinged fan who reads too much gossip and needs to get a life or a job. There are 2 accounts that were commenting, you can see if you go through his recent post and seems like one was just made this month and comments the same thing “abuser” under these comments and called jude a muslim 🐀. I actually saw this account on twitter doing the same a few months ago and was spamming those same two comments under every post about him, conveniently only starting right after him and 💚 started dating. They also tagged the spanish police in a comment and said “please contact me someone this player should be in jail with his escort” so they clearly have some vendetta because of her i’m guessing

I don’t believe a single word of it, and it is made even more unrealistic by the fact the account then went on to comment that jude is currently dating “trans queen” azra mian but they are dating privately because the whole world is jealous of them and people want to ruin their relationship 💀

sister one look at the comments would tell you it was cap

they clearly don’t like him for some reason and are super hateful

also trans queen wtf