#this song came on the radio today and my brain instantly thought of these boys </3

[librathefangirl]

[queen-of-my-goofball-army]

Glittering Prizes And Endless Compromises (shatter the illusion of integrity)

Hi everyone! This is my latest one shot that I have taken a small detour in doing. I have decided to change my mind on my Sk8 The Infinity fic and instead shrunk Haru and Sakura's ages. This is post-series and I thought that it would be cute to do Sakura x Miya. I hope that you all enjoy this fic! I have the song list if anybody is interested as well.

Haru: Thirty Three by the Smashing Pumpkins.

Miya: Limelight by Rush

Sakura: Spirit of Radio by Rush

The sun shone through my window in the early morning and I instantly rolled over softly hissing at the idea that it was way too early for anybody to be awake. It was a big day for me though. Today was the tryouts for the professional skateboarding team. It was time for me to show that I was worthy of Miya’s love and affection. I knew that I could do something really special with my board and my love of Rush. So I themed my skate around my favorite song. Very few skaters actually skateboarded to music it was seen as a distraction and something that brought them out of the experience. For me though, music grounded me and it reminded me that I wasn’t in front of a hundred different people. I loved performing through skateboarding to me that’s what it was. It was a way of expressing the way that I felt about a handful of things but mainly about the way that my favorite band made me feel. The different emotions that lyrics brought to me through skating. I slowly rolled out of bed and grabbed my skating gear that I would wear today. Reki had apparently made a brand new board that was special for this day. I had no idea what he was planning on doing but I willed myself to just be surprised. Putting on my FullMetal Alchemist themed hoodie I remembered why I was doing this.

“I’m doing this to prove to Miya that he doesn’t have to do this alone. I’ll always be there for him to support him and catch him if he ever happens to fall. This isn’t a battle that he has to fight alone. I want to make him happy. In order to show him that I can this is what I need to do.” I tied my hair into a braid and tossed it over my shoulder with a small smile on my face. I looked over at the picture frame that was on my desk of Miya and I when he was first teaching me how to skate. It brought a smile to my face every time that I saw it.

“I love you Miya, so much. Today I’m finally going to tell you just how much. I don’t care that you don’t like me back, all I want to do is prove myself worthy of your love and affection. This is more for me than it is for anything else.” I encouraged myself with a bright smile on my face. I tied my high tops around my ankles and put my headphones around my neck.

“Sakura?” My brother looked up at me from down the hallway and I waved to him tentatively coming closer to him.

“What are you doing up moron? You have a big today too if you want to skate and get yourself a spot of the Japanese Nationals team.” I told him lightly and he just hugged me tightly to him. I stiffened in surprise. I was usually the type to hug my brother not the other way around. Even then it was rare that he would hug me back preferring to keep me at arms length as of late.

“I love you Sakura…” He reminded me and I felt tears come to my eyes at the admission. He truly did love me I could tell. For as much as we fought and bickered I knew that I would never have anybody in my life quiet like my younger brother.

“I love you Haru. Where’s this coming from?” He showed me his board and I smiled softly at my signature that looked really frayed and choppy.

“I just was looking at my board and saw your signature there from when we were kids. I miss those days.” I smiled softly at my brother and he hugged me tightly. I hummed under my breath the song that usually got my brother back to sleep.

“Were you listening to Thirty-Three as well? It’s too early for you to be awake officially idiot. Get back to bed.” He just sighed against me with a small smile on his face. I carded my fingers through his green curls humming the Smashing Pumpkins song that I knew got my brother through the day. Where I had grown up loving Rush, my brother took a shine to the band that our mom had skated to as a teenager. It always made me laugh when I thought about my mom skating to screaming heavy metal music.

“I was. I woke up from a nightmare and had to go to take a leak.” I pushed my brother away from me playfully gagging.

“God you are the most disgusting pig that I’ve ever met. I’ve got to get going. I wanted to get an early skate session in before dad makes breakfast. Knowing him we’ll be having a full course meal when I come back. You try and get some sleep seaweed brain.” I teased lightly ruffling his seaweed colored hair and he just chuckled a little bit at me.

“I’ll try to go back to bed. Good luck skating, be safe out there and don’t get hurt. I know that you’ll be alright sis. It’s just a reflexive response.” I pulled my headphones on over my ears seeing the sun barely rising in the sky. It was so early that the rest of the world was still asleep like I should have been. I went through my playlist knowing that Geddy Lee would get me awake and moving.

“Begin the day with a friendly voice a companion unobtrusive plays that song that’s so elusive and the magic music makes your mornin’ mood…” I could always count on the beautiful lyrics of Rush to call out to me like an old friend wrapping me up in a warm embrace and reminding me of how much I loved music. I skated to the song pulling out all my tricks that I would be doing for today’s show outside of the shop. There was something really specific that this song in particular meant to me. It was about childhoods spent in long car ride with my dad as he introduced me to the band that changed his teenage years. It inspired me to go out there and change the world through the beautiful song lyrics that I had grown up hearing. Geddy’s voice called me to like no other ever had and it had me tearing up now that I was older.

“Man it’s too early for me to start crying…” I heard my phone buzz and I took my phone out of my backpack that I was skating with. It was an early morning text from Miya.

Miya: Turn around, your music is too loud. I’ve been calling you for the last three minutes. I whipped my head around seeing the familiar green and purple cat hoodie and the boy that had the most beautiful sea green eyes that I had ever seen.

“You nervous?” He asked me and I nodded my head. He parked his board next to me bumping his shoulder with mine.

“Sakura if anybody is even close to my level it’s you. You’re going to amaze so many people out there today just by showing them what you’re made of.” He reminded me with a light smile on his face when I nodded my head with a small smile.

“I’m not just doing this because I want to beat you Miya. There’s another reasoning behind it. I’ll tell you about it later. Just know that I’m going to do the best that I can. My brother is too, he’s been skating a lot recently. He still hasn’t told me what to just like I haven’t told you what I’m doing for my song. Are you finally ready to spill your beans?” I stretched my arms over my head and I saw the small smirk on my best friend’s face.

“That is for me to know and you to find out later this afternoon. I think I have a good idea of what your brother is doing, how is he?” I nodded my head smiling softly thinking about the softness that he had when he hugged me earlier.

“He’s good! He hugged me this morning, I think that he’s just really excited about today. He hasn’t hugged me a lot lately. I wish that I could make everything better for him just by magic. Give him the body that he’d be the most comfortable in and maybe then he’d hug me more…” Miya put his arm around my shoulders and the scent of apple and deodorant came over me that I had loved since I was eleven years old. I was fourteen now and I still couldn’t think of a better scent to wrap myself up in.

“He’ll open up to you it’s just that well as you often call him he’s an idiot. Speaking of idiots, are you sure about letting Reki make you a new board for today that you have never in your life skated on?” I laughed a little bit at my best friend.

“I’m positive about it, I trust him. I know that he’ll make a board that I’m able to skate with. I’ve had this one for the last three years anyway and it’s looking pretty bumbish at this point.” I joked and picked up my Beauty And The Beast board.

“Do you think that this one will be Rush themed? That would be really cool and it would suit you in some degree. Your a misfit and they are the band for misfits.” I smiled softly at the support that my best friend had always given me to pursue my interests.

“It would be amazing if that’s what he came out with but at this point I have no idea since he wants for it to be a surprise. You’ve had your board for even longer than I’ve had mine. When are you going to trade up?” I teased lightly and he just gasped playfully at me clutching his board tighter to him as if I would wretch it from his hands.

“I would never give up my baby like that.” I rolled my ruby eyes playfully at him shaking my head at his ridiculousness.

“Fine, be an overdramatic baby for all I care. I’m just trying to be useful.” Miya looked at me with a small smile on his face lightly leaning against my side.

“You are useful Sakura. This isn’t about that at all it’s about you trying to just make small talk. You only do that with me when you’re really nervous about something and you don’t want to talk about your feelings because they’re too big for you to handle.” I looked down at my high top sneakers not expecting to have woken up this morning to be totally called out.

“You want to tell me what’s really wrong with you? If you don’t want to tell me then that’s fine. You’ll tell me eventually and I don’t want to start a fight with you today.” Miya argued and I felt the color drain from my face.

“It’s just, there’s this person that I really like. But at the same time I feel like I have to push myself to feel like I’m worthy of them. Because why would somebody as incredible as they are want to be with somebody like me?” My best friend slowly stopped walking next to me and I turned around to look at him.

“It’s Kayla, isn’t it?” In my head, my brain was laughing hysterically. Kayla was one of my friends that I had met through band, she was an electric guitarist and I was a bass guitarist. I basically saw her as the Alex Lifeson to my Geddy Lee so to me this was the funniest shit ever at three in the morning.

“You don’t know them, it’s not Kayla. Geez, she’s basically my sister don’t be gross. I met them in my art class.” I lied through my teeth and Miya looked at me with one skeptically raised eyebrow. I had always sucked at lying to my best friend.

“But you flirt with Kayla all the time…” I cocked my head to the side thinking about the relationship that I had with my friend from my band class.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about she’s basically the Alex to my Geddy.” My best friend caught up to me and I could see the sprinkles of doubt in those eyes that I held so dearly.

“Don’t they flirt too even though they’re both straight?” I laughed at my best friend bumping my hip with his.

“Well they’re mostly just a super open friendship where they can admit that they love each other than insist that one of them is an idiot five seconds later. Seriously, you don’t know them. I never talk about them with you because I thought that you would mock me for it. They’re a cartoonist in my art class that I’m taking.” Miya sighed heavily running a hand through his dark black hair with a small frown on his face.

“What’s their name?” His voice took on that sad tone that I knew all too well when he would talk about his own parents.

“It’s Jacob. He’s a transfer student from America.” It wasn’t a complete lie, there was a transfer student in my art class who was from America. However, I had barely talked with apart from acknowledging that we were both interested in the same types of art. Due to my just in general social awkwardness it was rare for me to talk to anybody other than Kayla or Miya. I only talked with Kayla because she talked with me first when she realized that I was playing Fly By Night.

“You told me a little bit about him, he draws the superheroes right? I think you should go for it Sakura. Anybody in the whole world would be lucky to call you their girlfriend. Do you know if he likes Rush? I happen to know for a fact that not liking Rush is a relationship deal breaker for you.” I couldn’t help but laugh at my best friend.

“It is not a relationship deal breaker for me! It’s just something that I look for. I love music and I like to talk about it probably way more than I should. But that’s only because the two friends that I have were adamant about either getting into it or already knew it when I met them. I don’t know if he knows Rush. I don’t know a lot about him. It’s mostly a crush from afar and I don’t know how to talk to him.” Miya just looked at me skeptically.

“Sakura Nanjo, the most popular girl in our middle school class, voted kindest girl, doesn’t know how to talk to somebody? Not buying it.” He mentioned as an afterthought and I sighed heavily pulling my hood up past my pink hair.

“Well better start buying it, I’m socially awkward at the best of times. I’m just nice there’s nothing really all that special or unique about being nice.” My best friend stopped walking and looked over at me thumbing over my cheeks.

“Just try talking to him about what he’s interested in. I know that you can do it Sakura. I feel like the two of you will have a lot in common. Do you want to talk about something else?” I nodded my head with a small smile on my face. Miya supported his arm around my shoulders with a small smile on his face.

“Yes please.” My best friend got out his phone so that he could show me something that he had found to make me laugh.

“Do you remember when I told you that my old friend was starting to talk to me again? He hasn’t been on a board in over three years and this is what happened.” I laughed softly at the image in front of me at the boy that my best friend had told me had hurt him so badly in the past.

“How is that going by the way? I’m really happy that you managed to make a friend other than little ol me.” I teased lightly pinching his cheek and he just swatted my hand away playfully hissing at me like a small cat.

“Don’t discredit yourself Sakura. You’re an amazing best friend who changed everything for me. I know that you wanted to make better friends with Kayla due to your shared love of a certain progressive rock band that basically stole your heart. It’s actually going good, he’s coming out today to watch us skate.” I smiled softly at my best friend who had been there for me pretty much since he met me.

“I’m glad to see that he’s trying. I know that what he said and did really hurt you even if you didn’t talk about it with me a lot of the time. I got used to it eventually and knew that you’d come to me whenever you had problems that you needed to talk about.” I reminded him lightly and he just snuggled against my side with a small smile on his face.

“Your forgetting, I’m friends with you because you make good food and you have good taste in music.” I rolled my eyes lightly with a fond chuckle.

“Well nice to know that you’re best friends with me because of my wonderful personality you piece of shit.” I ruffled his black hair the familiar feeling of the soft strands wanted to make me bury my hands in there and just never leave.

“Nah your personality is hot garbage and you yell a lot I think I’m good.” He hugged me even tighter to him and I smiled sadly at him.

“I know I get frustrated and yell a lot. Especially at Haru. I wonder if he blames me for it.” Miya just stopped walking and officially hugged me for the first time that day. He had grown a solid four inches taller than me within the last couple of months and was now able to rest his chin on my head.

“I don’t think that your brother blames you for it in the slightest. I think that he’s just going through a lot and won’t accept help from anybody other than himself. He struggles a lot with the transitioning period and I did research and saw that a lot of people who are transitioning especially as harshly as he is that they struggle with depression, body dysphoria, and anxiety.” I nodded my head with a sad smile on my face thinking all that my brother had to struggle with.

“Why did you look that up?” I asked him and he just thumbed a lock of my pink hair into my braid with a small smile on his face.

“Because he’s your brother and I wanted to know what he was going through so that I could better help you. You’re a really touch affectionate type of person and I think that also makes him just the smallest bit uncomfortable. I was just teasing you when I told you that you yelled a lot. It’s not a bad thing to get annoyed and start yelling. Your mom does the same thing so it’s genetic probably just like his anxiety is for you.” I sighed because he just had to go and try to make this situation logical. I couldn’t help but smile softly at my best friend as he supported me throughout everything. He was always there when I needed for him to be to remind me that I hadn’t messed up too poorly with my brother.

“I don’t mean to get mad at him, I just want to help. But he won’t even let me help him at all… I don’t know what he’s thinking or why he’s doing what he’s doing. We used to be so close and I don’t know when it happened. When he went too far for me to keep up with him.” Miya just pulled back from the hug cupping my cheeks in his warmed gloved palms.

“I know that you just want to help and that you’re scared of one day him not needing you anymore. He might be experiencing self doubt and gender envy because you weren’t humiliated with the body that you have like he was. How did he come out to you again?” I closed my eyes at the familiar memory. It had been just a normal day for me running the restaurant and making sure that people left with full bellies and happy hearts.

“I had been making the bread for that day’s restaurant service. He came out to me first and he just asked me if I ever felt like I wanted to be a boy instead of a girl. I told him no but if he felt that way than I would encourage him. I’ve always just wanted to support him and have him be the best person that he could ever dream to be. But sometimes that’s easier said than done.” Miya put his arm supportively around my shoulders.

“He’ll come to you if he ever needs your help. He probably thinks that asking for help isn’t the “man” thing to do. It wouldn’t surprise me if your idiot brother was getting too sucked into his own head or if he was just sad about something in particular. Has he had a crush lately and been turned down?” I shook my head because as far as I knew my brother had never felt that way about anything. It wouldn’t surprise me if he came out to me again as aroace and told me that he wasn’t interested in relationships at all.

“Not that I know about, he’s always thought that my random crushes that last for like a week were super dumb. He used to tease me all the time about it when we were younger but he hasn’t lately. I’m sure that he’ll come to me when he wants to talk. It wouldn’t surprise me if mom just forces him to talk to us. He hasn’t been talking to him at all either as far as I know.” Miya leaned his dark head against my bright pink hoodie sleeve.

“Well maybe then it’s just something else and he’ll come to you when he feels ready Sakura. You can’t force your brother to talk to you it’s something that he needs to do whenever he feels ready.” He reminded me and I sighed a little bit.

“I know that already. It’s just that I worry about him even though I know that Haru is perfectly capable of taking care of himself. Maybe he’s just been hyper-focused on today more so than you or I.” I still had no idea what my brother was planning on skating to but I knew that he was going to amaze everybody with his rod actual talent.

“You’ve been practicing a lot lately to, more than normal. What’s going on inside that big brain of yours?” He asked me and I shrugged my shoulders trying to maintain my usual picture of nonchalance that I was used to.

“No particular reason I just love boarding that’s all. Making up for last time since I haven’t been able to skateboard for nearly as long as you or Haru has been able to. I’m able to skate because of you and I don’t think that I ever truly thanked you. Thank you Miya.” I thanked my best friend and he just smiled brightly at me.

“I didn’t do really much of anything I just taught you everything that I knew. You were a really fast learner and even learned how to ollie in record time. You mastered that within a month and it was amazing to finally see you soar high above everything else.” I smiled softly at the boy that had come into my life and taught me everything that I would need to know about freestyle skateboarding. The life of a skateboarder was something that I never knew that I would be able to have.

“That’s just because before I actually got on a board I knew all about the mechanics of how it all worked. I’m a natural fast learner but I took to boarding like a fish to water once I was finally able to with these bad boys.” I gestured to my skateboard that I was carrying and I smiled softly at the design. Reki had talked to me about getting the training wheels off of my board so that I could be able to skate like everybody else for the performance today. It was going to be my second surprise for Miya by the end of the day.

“Well yeah you kind of did go above and beyond. Was that for Haru when he was younger?” I nodded my head with a small smile on my face.

“It was. Skating has always been his special interest of choice and I was encouraging of it from a young age I just wanted him to be happy. It’s probably going to take a few years for him to be really genuinely happy but that’s still all I want for my brother.” Miya just sighed a little bit running a hand through his black hair.

“Can I come over for breakfast? My parents are having one of their let’s pretend that I don’t exist phases.” I nodded my head looping my arm around my best friend’s shoulders pulling him in closer to my side knowing that was what he needed.

“Course, you don’t need to ask if you can come over for breakfast. My parents are better than yours anyways. You’d think that they’d be more encouraging because you’ve got a big day today. Do they not want you to board anymore or something?” I asked him quizzically and he just shrugged his shoulders with a small sigh.

“Who the fuck knows anymore what my parents want for me to do. At this point I just do whatever and let them deal with the consequences. They’re not going to stop me from boarding even if this doesn’t work out. I think part of it was because they didn’t agree with how I’m doing today’s skate. They told me that I should take it more seriously.” My best friend sighed kicking a rock with his boot clad foot and I could tell that the talk that he had with his parents had gotten to him in some way.

“Did they find out what you were doing before even I did?!” Miya just chuckled softly at me shaking his head at me.

“I told them like an idiot what I had planned to do when they asked. Do your parents not know?” I shook my head making a fifty fifty hand motion.

“I’m sure that they have some idea that it’ll be to Rush since I can’t not skate to them but they haven’t specifically asked me what I’m doing yet.” My best friend just smiled softly at me keeping his head perched on my shoulder.

“What do you want for breakfast?” I asked him and he hummed a little bit from where he was rested against me.

“Frittata maybe?” I nodded my head since that was the perfect weekend brunch breakfast for when we had company over.

“Might have to stop at the grocery store then. I’m not sure that I have everything that I need to do for that. What kind of sides do you want? Fruit salad?” He nodded his head and I heard a soft mutter of house potatoes against my shoulder.

“You got it hun, come on. Let’s race to the store.” I got a head start on my board and heard the call of hey that’s not fair coming up from behind me as I started my playlist again. Trees was one of my favorite Rush songs because it was calming but at the same time energizing and invigorating. I saw the store up ahead and I rounded the corner seeing Miya coming up just behind me and he quickly cut me off just before I got there.

“You son of a bitch I was literally so close…” I whined getting out my phone and seeing that my mom had texted me.

Mom: Darling, your father wants to know if you are still making breakfast. There isn’t a whole lot of food at the house and considering that you are already out for the morning could you please do the weekly shopping for us? I’ll pay you back and then some. I smiled softly tilting my phone up and taking a screenshot of the market.

Me: Already here mom! Miya is coming back with me for breakfast today. He wants a frittata, home fries and I might make a watermelon salad. Miya just smirked a little bit at me seeing that I was texting my mom.

“Is it okay with Cherry that I come with you?” I smiled softly shaking my head at my best friend running a hand through my fringe.

“Of course it is, I don’t even need to ask him anymore. He already treats you like you’re his second son. Come on dummy, let’s get the shopping done.” I lightly hit his shoulder in retaliation for saying such a stupid and ridiculous thing.

“Do you want watermelon salad? It’s watermelon season so if you want that I can make that.” He nodded his head and I grabbed a cart quickly wiping it down.

“This might take a little while since I have to do the weekly shopping. Did you bring your switch?” He nodded his head and I saw the familiar red and blue portable gaming console in his hands.

“What kind of protein do you want in your frittata?” I asked my best friend and he handed me thick cut bacon and I couldn’t help but smile at him.

“But bacon makes you fat Miya…” I lightly teased and he just rolled his eyes at me with a small smirk holding the item way too far over my head.

“I like the way that you make it. You can make just about anything and I’ll eat it and then some. I’m not the same skinny kid that I used to be.” My heart melted and I couldn’t help but smile at my childhood friend.

“I know babe, I’m just messing with you. I’m sorry if that joke was a step too far. Come on, help me pick out a watermelon. Remember the way that I taught you?” He nodded his head and led me over to the summer fruit as he rapped his knuckle light on top of it.

“This one sounds good.” He handed me the big fruit and I lightly tapped it hearing the juicy sound and I nodded my head.

“Good find, I just need cucumber and then some feta for my watermelon salad! I have all the herbs at home in our kitchen garden.” My dad insisted on growing his own spices for the restaurant so we had a small greenhouse in our kitchen.

“Do you want anything else in your breakfast?” I asked the boy and he went off to the vegetables coming back with mushrooms, spinach and grape tomatoes. He also did me a favor and grabbed me some potatoes and onions.

“Good job! This will be delicious, come on, now to do the rest of the weekly shopping. I’ll also stop at the bakery for some fresh bread. I didn’t have enough time to make any lately. I know it’s not the same as mine though…” I whined and my best friend put his arm around my shoulders with a small smile on his face.

“It’s fine if you didn’t have enough time to bake lately. Baking bread takes a lot of time but the bakery stuff is still delicious. There’s just something special about your bread specifically that I love. Probably because it comes from you and I love you.” I felt my cheeks flush a bright pink as I just pushed the cart ahead of me. I checked my phone seeing that my mom had sent me a list and I quickly took care of everything that was on it.

“That’s everything, we can head to the bakery and then home James.” I joked and my best friend just smiled softly at me. When we checked out he took the heaviest bags as per the usual before I could even stop him.

“I can carry stuff on my own I hope you know.” I reminded him and he just picked up his board putting his hoodie down his inky black hair all in disarray from being inside of his hoodie for so long.

“I know that you can it’s just that you don’t need to carry it. I want to be useful to you and this is the only way that I can think of to be helpful.” He wants to be useful to me? Just like I want to be useful to him? Why was I having a hard time believing that.

“Fine do what you want but I can help you carry that watermelon. It has to be heavy.” He shook his head at me balancing it on one arm.

“I have been trying to bulk up a bit more mostly to get better at skating. Not like your dad or anything he’s a bit ridiculous.” I laughed at the idea of Miya looking anything like my dad shaking that image from my head.

“I think he’s the only one who could pull off the muscly himbo aesthetic. I love my dad he’s the best but that is not my type. It’s just my mom’s type.” I laughed a little bit at the idea of the two of them together walking down the road next to one of the most important people in my life.

“I admire both of your parents in very different ways. They’re both amazing people and they raised two of the most amazing kids possible despite the fact that they were working and boarding the entire time.” I smiled softly since a lot of people didn’t give my parents the credit that they deserved for raising my brother and me.

“You’re right and you should say it louder for the people in the back. Did you catch the last episode of Demon Slayer?” I had gotten him hooked on the demon hunting anime and he nodded his head with a bright smile on his face.

“It was really, really awesome. It’s such a good show! It’s kind of like if FullMetal was about demons instead of about science.” I snapped my fingers with a bright smile on my face. My best friend was always really good at noticing the similarities of certain things. Especially manga and anime.

“Especially when you consider the fact that they both were manga’s made by biological women! Even though Gotogue identifies as nonbinary. I still think it’s wicked awesome! More people other than men writing manga we love to see it.” I joked and my best friend just laughed a little bit for my bad joke. Talking about everything and nothing was always easy with Miya. I loved hearing his opinions about the things that had captured my interest. Whether that be a Rush song, a chapter of manga that I was obsessing over, a show that had stolen my heart I introduced them all to him and he always listened to me. It was one of those things that I loved about him the most.

“I mostly just started it because you were so passionate about it. That’s pretty much why I get interested in anything these days other than boarding.” I felt my cheeks color a bright pink as I walked next to the boy that had stolen my heart with one single look of his sea green eyes against my ruby ones.

“Wh-What?” I stuttered out in surprise and he just sighed a little bit looking out at the world around him. He shook his head with a small smile on his face rubbing the back of his neck.

“Don’t worry about it Sakura, it’s nothing. I promise you I’m fine I guess I’m just really getting hungry.” I laughed a little bit at him since that made all the sense in the world. I waved him behind me as he walked.

“The bakery where I buy the bread for the upstairs is this way. It’s the closest thing that is to my baking but mom usually won’t let me bake the bread that we eat. He told me once that it was too much work for me to be doing simply for our family to eat when it’s just as good from a local bakery. And it’s supporting a small business which he’s always encouraged.” He took my hand in his and I felt my face flush a flaming bright pink so grateful that he was behind me and couldn’t see it.

“Your bread does take you forever to make but that’s why I love to keep you company while you’re making it after school.” I couldn’t help but grin at the memory of him sitting at the bar while I worked on making the bread for he customers that night. When he was first getting into Rush I would play individually because that’s how I got interested in them. Then I started to play his favorites. Those early days of him simply sitting there and enjoying my music were ones that I looked back on with fondness.

“That’s why dad told me that I should just work Monday’s on bread and that I should make four times the recipe so that he could bake it throughout the week keeping it fresh. He also decided that he should give out much smaller baskets.” Miya squeezed my hand softly as I stopped in front of a traffic light and I looked ahead of me.

“Can we get a fruit tart as well?” I nodded my head with a small smile on my face. I knew that my dad was planning on baking strawberry shortcake tonight but my best friend loved fruit tarts and he was nearly impossible for me to say no to.

“You can pick it out while I’m doing my bread thing okay?” I held the door open for him since I was ahead of my best friend and he instantly went rushing for the bakery case. I went over to the bread with a small smile at him taking a picture of the bright smile that was on my best friend’s face texting it to my mom.

Me: We’re at the bakery now! He’s getting a fruit tart for our dessert for brunch. I know that dad promised a strawberry shortcake but we’ll get plenty of exercise today. My mom sent me back a series of teary eyed emojis.

Mom: Have you asked him out yet or will that be done later? I felt a trickle of panic go sousing through me.

Me: How did you know that I was planning on asking him out?!

Mom: Sweetie, I’m your mother I know these things. I know that you are terrified of losing him but you won’t and he’ll still love you no matter what.That boy has been enamored with you since he was a smart mouthed 11 year old. I put my phone away so that my best friend would be no wiser as to what I was talking about with my mom. I grabbed the bread that I wanted three loaves of it and went up to pay for it at the front counter while my best friend was staring at the pastries.

“Do you want cream puffs or fruit tart?” I asked my best friend and he pointed to the nectarine fruit tart. I smiled softly at him nuzzling against him.

“Can I have the nectarine fruit tart please?” The worker smiled softly at the two of us and wrapped up the tart that I wanted.

“Of course! You’re both extremely cute together. It’s nice to see young lovers together.” I felt my cheeks flush a bright pink and I wanted to protest.

“We’re just friends ma’am it’s cute though that you would think that we were dating.” Miya explained a little bit to her. The woman’s cheeks flushed with embarrassment as she sputtered out apologizes.

“No worries we get that a lot but I’m just super clingy with her. I can’t help it, if you were my age wouldn’t you be?” I felt my cheeks stain a bright pink color but I couldn’t help but positively melt under the affection of my best friend.

“There you cuties go! Good luck today!” She encouraged the two of us and I picked up the tart Miya picking up my bread and putting it into his bags from the grocery store.

“Have a nice day!” I waved to the bakery owner with a bright smile on my face. Miya looked over at me and I cocked my head to the side.

“What’s up?” I asked him and he looked at the hair that I had tied back into a braid on my left side of my face.

“Your hair is getting longer, I was just noticing how beautiful it looked in this lighting. I think that it just looked really pretty and I wanted to tell you how pretty it looked.” I flushed a bright pink lightly shoving my best friend’s side little bit.

“Stop it you big flirt, you’ve been hanging out with my dad too much it’s starting to mess with your brain.” I mocked and he just sighed a little bit looking at me with one black raised eyebrow at me.

“I’m being genuine that’s not being flirty Sakura. Your dad’s compliments to your mom are always genuine.” I looked down at my sneakers that I had put on earlier. I didn’t know what to do whenever Miya flirted with me because it was a rare occurrence but whenever it did happen I wound up wanting to both treasure the moments and bury myself into a hole.

“I never know what to do when you flirt with me hun it’s so embarrassing…” Miya laughed at me a little bit poking lightly at my cheek.

“That’s why I do it to see how you react. Do you think that you can help me study for the history exam tomorrow?” I nodded my head with a small smile on my face. I always helped him to study for tests whenever he asked me.

“Of course, you don’t even have to ask me I always will. History is one of my better subjects too. I might not be a very gifted writer or calligrapher like my brother but he sucks at history.” My best friend laughed openly at my bickering relationship with my younger brother by five minutes.

“You both have your strengths and weaknesses. It’s why it’s fascinating being friends with both of you since are so different.” I smiled softly at my best friend as I walked next to him. The walk back home was spent in comfortable silence. Miya was one of the few people that I didn’t need to talk to in order to feel comfortable with him. He held the door open to Sia De Luce for me and I smiled up at my best friend.

“Thank you, alright time to make the grub for the fam.” We walked up the stairs together and I heard my family talking from the kitchen.

“We’re back and I’ve brought the other slacker!” I toed off my sneakers and Miya muttered softly I am not a slacker causing me to laugh and ruffle his dark hair.

“You did help me to carry the groceries that’s more than Haru.” I teased lightly hearing my brother’s call from the kitchen table.

“I carry the freaking groceries!” He fought back at me and I put the food items that I would need for my breakfast. “Morning beautiful flower.” My dad kissed my forehead standing above me to get mugs for coffee. My mom hugged me with a small smile on his face.

“Morning sweetheart, hello there Miya.” My mom waved to our shirt member of the family who was relaxing on the couch.

“Hi Kaoru, thank you for having me.” My mom kissed his forehead lightly with a small smile on his face. My dad made his coffee and brought it over to him with a gentle kiss.

“Of course it’s always nice to have you over. Did your parents and you get into another fight?” Miya leant against my mom’s side when he put his arm around his shoulder’s.

“Yeah they’re not a fan of me right about now. I stupidly told them that I was skating to music when they asked me what I was planning. So it’s been a lot of fighting with them lately. I wanted to stay away from them this morning so it was lucky running into Sakura.” I smiled softly at my best friend getting a mug of hot chocolate to my best friend on the coach.

“It’s not your fault that you told them what you were thinking about doing. If anything it’s your parents fault for getting pissed at you for no reason. I skated to music all the time when I was your age. It’s how I got into Rush.” My dad reasoned sitting next to my mom as he leaned his head against my dad’s shoulder. I went over to my brother to make sure that he got more sleep.

“Did you go back to sleep Haru?” I asked him looking at my brother to make sure that he was telling me the truth.

“I did don’t worry about me. I’ll be able to skate perfectly fine without falling off of my board.” I smiled softly at my brother ladling him up some hot chocolate and adding the fresh whip cream and cinnamon on top just the way that he liked it when he wanted to spoil himself.

“I was just making sure hun because you looked pretty ragged when I ran into you this morning. Are you… okay? You know that you can talk to me if you ever need to. I’m here for you.” I squeezed his shoulder and he looked down his green curls in front of his face.

“I’ve just been going through a lot on my own and I don’t need any help with it. I can handle shit on my own.” He went up and went over to the living room and I buried my head in my hands feeling tears come to the corners of my eyes. What was I doing wrong? Why couldn’t I be a better older sister? One that he can trust and lean on. I heard a soft pitter-patter of footsteps and a warm arm go around my shoulders as I was pulled into my mother’s side.

“Carla, play Sakura’s Best Of Rush Playlist on shuffle.” He told the AI that we kept on the table when he wasn’t skating.

“Of course master, playing Sakura’s Best of sparkle Rush sparkle Playlist.” I couldn’t help but chuckle softly at the fact that the AI pronounced the emojis instead of just leaving them out like anybody else would.

“Your brother does love you Sakura. It’s just that you know that he needs to figure things out on his own sometimes. He wants you to be proud of him. That has always been the goal that he strives for. That’s why he’s been pushing himself so hard lately. He wanted you to be proud of him today that’s why he shut himself off from you. He has also just started taking T on the doctor’s requirements and she warned him that it could make him become irritable and moody. I assume that he’s taking it out on you because you don’t hate your body the way that he does. I’d recommend just letting him work through his issues and remember that he does love you. I love you Sakura. You’ve made me very proud of you not just today but everyday.” He reminded me lightly thumbing over my nose with a small smile on his face. I closed my eyes at the feeling of my favorite band coming over me.

“I know but he told me that he would try not to get angry at me for no reason because he knows that I’ll wind up fearing that it something that I had done.” He kissed my forehead with a small smile on his face thumbing over my knuckles.

“Just wait until you see him skate today and the decide whether or not your brother hates you okay? Do you need anything from me?” I shook my head and Miya peaked his head into the kitchen pressing his index fingers together lightly.

“Can I keep you company Sakura?” I looked at my best friend skeptically wondering if he had heard the conversation between my brother and I from the living room.

“I think that’s a lovely idea Miya. I am going to try and talk to my wayward son and help him figure out why he’s so angry.” I stood up from the kitchen chair that I was sitting on and my best friend took my hand in his pulling me into a tight hug.

“He’s not mad at you Sakura, it’s just an alternative reaction from the T…” He reminded me the same thing that my mom had just told me.

“But what if he is mad at me? He has every right to be if he is angry at something that I did. I’ve messed up so many times, I always yell at him when he’s had a bad day, I’m a bad sister…” Miya just lightly shushed me hugging me even closer to me.

“You are not a bad sister. You’re the best sister in the entire world and Haru couldn’t have thought of a better one even if he wanted to. He loves you it’s just the hormones that he’s adjusting to getting him into a bad spot and a serious case of gender envy. Didn’t he recently get onto the boys basketball team for high school?” I nodded my head and my best friend just rubbed soothing motions into my back with a small smile on his face.

“Then that would explain some things, he’s around biological males all the time now and he’s getting all pissy because he wants to be one so badly. But he knows that he isn’t hence the gender envy thing. He’ll apologize to you in his own special way and it’ll remind you that your brother always has your back.” Miya pulled back from the hug drying my tears with the pads of his fingers lightly. He got me a cup of hot chocolate putting whip and rainbow sprinkles on it.

“Here you go take some deep breaths for me…” He handed me the cup and I followed his instructions taking deep breaths and the warmth of the drink calmed me down instantly.

“What’s first on the itinerary, is it chopping the watermelon? I want to do it!” He exclaimed and I looked at my best friend as he cut into the water melon getting all of it off of the rind.

“Want one?” He asked me stuffing a piece of it into his mouth and the watermelon rind made it into a smile. I couldn’t help but laugh at him as I took my own slice and made my own smile with it.

“I’ll start cutting the vegetables and frying the bacon for the frittata.” My best friend told Carla to turn up the music as he tapped his foot to the familiar drum solo on Limelight his favorite song. I got out a pan and sheeted the bacon on top of it. My dad came into the kitchen and smiled softly at the two of us.

“I was going to see if you needed any help flower but you seem to have everything handled.” He leaned against the kitchen counter and I looked up at him.

“I’ve got it Kojiro, thank you though. I’ll take good care of her.” My dad fluffed Miya’s hair and got the familiar batting away that my best friend gave to him.

“You always do kid that’s why you’re the only guy I’ve ever let hang around my daughter.” I flushed a bright pink and my dad just smirked at me winking in my general direction on his way out.

“Sakura? You okay?” I nodded my head with a nervous smile on my face dusting my shorts around my leggings.

“I’m fine, just my dad being an idiot again. He’s exhausting…” He laughed at me openly his sea green eyes sparkling with enthusiasm.

“Does he really do that with every other boy that comes to the restaurant?” I nodded my head because so many people from my class had come to ask me out. Before I even told them that I wasn’t romantically available my dad would give them the shovel talk and the kick your ass out the door treatment.

“You have no idea he has done it so many times that it’s honestly one of the most annoying things that he does. You wouldn’t believe me I told you and I don’t have any videos. Haru has all of those.” Miya instantly texted my brother and he got several videos back.

“I will definitely be watching those later with a bowl of popcorn.” I sighed heavily. This was the boy that I had decided that I wanted to be good enough for and that I was proving myself for.

“Who’s side are you on here?!” I asked him exasperatedly and he just laughed openly at me lightly hip checking me.

“The side that makes the most jokes at your expense that’s what side I’m on.” I rolled my eyes heavily at my best friend.

“Fine be that way asshole…” Miya looked at me with a worrying expression on his face. He put his arm around my shoulders comfortingly.

“You only call me an asshole when you’re in a bad mood and I push it too far. Do you think that you’re going to be alright? For skating today?” I nodded my head with a small smile on my face. I heard probably one of my favorite songs from the synthesizer era of Rush and I lightly closed my eyes just letting Geddy’s voice wash over me.

“I’ll be fine thank you for worrying about me though. I know that I can handle this. I’m stressed out and worried about Haru but I think that eventually I’ll make it through. He’ll come to me when he needs me and I’ll try my best to be a good listener and the best older sister that I can.” Miya leaned his head against my shoulder and carefully cubbed the watermelon so that it would fit into the salad slicing the rest into a Tupperware for later use. “

That’s my girl.” I couldn’t help but smile softly past the high blush on my cheeks ignoring the feeling of heartbreak in my chest that reminded me that I wasn’t his anything. I just minced the vegetables in companionable silence with my best friend not sure what to talk about at the moment. I just wanted to enjoy the silence.

“What are your plans for the summer?” Miya asked me and I brushed a lock of pink hair behind my ear with a small smile.

“I have no idea really other than probably seeing you every day because you never leave me alone. I’ll also probably jam with Kayla a lot as well. Other than that we’re not going anywhere special. Last year was a rare occasion.” Last year my family had gone to Italy for a good chunk of our summer break. Miya had whined about it the entire time leading up to the trip.

“That’s good, I was super lonely when you were gone. I know that you had a great time with your family and I didn’t want to stop you from having fun with your family. I just didn’t know what to do with myself.” I smiled softly at my best friend at the fact that I had made such a big impact on his life that he got like this whenever I needed to leave for any length of time.

“Other than the usual festivals and things like that we’re not doing anything special. Trips to the beach as well!” I cheered at the idea of the yearly found family trip to the beach. I hadn’t seen a whole lot of Reki and Langa lately outside of when I visited Dope Sketch.

“Oh geez that’s right summer found family beach trips. Do I have to go? Whenever I do Reki always teases me and I hate it…” I fluffed the back of my best friend’s dark hair with a small smile on my face.

“He only does that because he loves you and he likes to get under your skin Miya. It’s in his nature to be teasing, he does it with me too in case you’ve forgotten. It’s impossible to get away from teasing Reki Kyan.” My best friend sighed muttering fine that he would come and it made me smile that I had managed to convince him.

“Good, now can you hand me the eggs? You’re closer to the fridge than I am.” He handed me the eggs carefully and I cracked the amount that I wanted into the bowl also adding the half n half, bacon that was crispy, and vegetables into the frittata pan.

“Can I ask you something? Do you think that you’re going to do band club again after break?” I nodded my head since I had gotten my offer to come back the other day.

“I got the offer to come back so I’m going to keep coming back as long as they need a bass player and they want for it to be me. I had fun there this last semester. I know that you were waiting there for me until it was all over but you don’t need to do that.” He thumbed the corner of my nose lightly booping it and I just pouted at him.

“I wanted to wait for you and I’m going to continue to do so every day after school. My parents couldn’t care less about me right now and I’d rather wait to spend time with the person who means more to me than anybody else than go home and be ignored.” My heart squeezed at the admission and I looked down at my Disney themed socks nervously.

“Thank you for that. I know that it took a lot of guts to tell me all of that but you’re getting better at being honest about what you’re going through. At least better than me. I’m still trying to shoulder the world and only relying on people when I have to.” Miya just smiled softly at me helping me to pour the egg mixture into the baking pan that I would need cutting the cheese and putting the cubes into the eggs. When the oven dinged he carried the pan over to the oven and scheduled the practiced cooking time.

“I think that you’ve gotten a lot better at taking breaks than when I met you a few years ago. You’re working out the kinks in your problems. Hey it’s Presto!” He cheered with a bright smile on his face and I hummed the familiar tune that I had grown up hearing.

“What a fool I was for you!” I sang along with the iconic lyrics of the song thinking about about how true they really were when it came to my best friend.

“These are some of my favorite lyrics of Neil’s…” He wrapped his arms around my waist resting his chin on my head.

“I love it too, they are really pretty. You comfortable up there?” I asked my best friend who pressed a kiss to the top of my forehead watching the flush down my cheeks.

“Yes I am your hair is a great pillow. It’s insanely soft…” I felt the blush start to travel from my cheeks on downwards and I just shook my head at his ridiculousness. I was used to the goofiness that my best friend exuded and how tactile he was. Once he learned that hugs, cuddles, and just genuine affection were basically considered normal I became attached to his hip.

“Hey Sakura, do you think that you would ever go out with me?” I froze instantly looking up at him feeling my heart lurch at the idea that we were having this talk now when my dad crashed into the room.

“Hope I’m not interrupting anything!!” Miya leapt away from my hair and where he had been clinging onto me and I sent my dad my death glare.

"N-Nope we’re totally fine.” He squeaked and I couldn’t help but chuckle a little bit at him as I chopped the potatoes.

“Have you had any cocoa yet Miya?” I asked him getting a mug for my best friend as he shook his head and I ladled him up a mug topping it with whip cream.

“Anything else?” He reached for the purple sugar dust and I couldn’t help but chuckle lightly at him. Some things would never change, like the fact that he preferred his foods in childish colors. His favorite being the childish purple.

“That’s so good…” He sighed with a small smile on his face. He put his mug next to mine lightly clinking it.

“My dad makes it the best, I’m still learning how to make the perfect hot cocoa. We’ll continue that talk later you asshole. I can’t believe you sometimes. I was going to tell you something after you got onto the Japanese Nationals team and I tried out for it. It’s something that I’ve kept inside of me for a really long time.” He squeezed my hand with a small smile on his face. My favorite of his smiles. The one that was reverence and comfort, it was days spent watching Disney movies as he helped me to pass a level on Pokémon.

“Are you gong to profess your undying love for me?” He teased lightly and I felt the colors go across my cheeks looking down at my socks. Oh you absolute adorable dumbass, you have no idea how much I love you. I just hope that you don’t hate me by the end of the day. The song changed to one that always made me want to sing along with. It was the song that my parents danced to at their wedding when they renewed their vows a few years ago, Closer To Your Heart the lines etched around their ring fingers in tattoos. My dad bolted out of the room probably to go and find my mom and my heart warmed when I saw them dancing in our living room.

“I love them so much…” Miya muttered and I smiled softly at my best friend leaning against his side. I got out my phone so that I could take a video of my dad spinning my mom around.

“They’re the best parents that I could have ever wished to get. They’re basically your parents too since yours suck ass.” He just laughed at me putting his arm around my shoulders with a small smile on his face.

“I’d rather them just be my uncles thanks. That would be creepy. As much as I joked a few years ago about them being my mom and dad. Mine are okay it’s just that I wish that they took the time to know me more than they actually do.” I smiled lovingly at my best friend running my finger around the bridge of his nose booping it lightly. I watched his sea green eyes widened in surprise at the sudden attack when he just laughed at me.

“You can’t sneak up on me like that!” He whined and I laughed at him swatting him with my spatula that had used to cook the vegetables for the frittata.

“You do it to me all the time!” I fought back and he just cackled with laughter, that delicious sound that always lit me up from the inside.

“That’s because you’re usually spacing out when I do it and that’s the only way to possibly bring you back.” He reminded me and I sighed running a hand through my hair with a small smile on my face. These were the moments when I was reminded of how lucky I was. I got to have two amazing parents that loved me and were proud of me at every moment, an amazing brother even if he didn’t want me to help him out, and most of all the most incredible person in the world to call my best friend. Throughout every changing whirlwind Miya was there for me so that I would make it through okay. I was so grateful for him at every turn that he was there for me with a lightly teasing remark.

“I’m sorry about what I said Saki…” My brother’s voice brought the two of us out of bickering match that we had fallen into and I looked over at him with red-rimmed eyes. I knew that my brother was genuinely sorry about what he had said to me and that he didn’t mean it in the long run. The use of my childhood nickname that he rarely used nowadays as a way of talking to me.

“I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at myself for feeling this anger building up inside of me at every waking moment. The T has been making my emotions act up, it’s been keeping me up at night, that’s not an excuse. You deserve a better brother than me. That’s why I’m going to make you proud when I skate today. I’m not skating to a traditional skating song.” I blinked at him in confusion and he just shook his head with a small smirk on his face.

“That’s the only thing I’m telling you about my skate. You’re not getting anything else out of me and you’re going to have to just wait until this afternoon. I left my post for just a second to hug my brother tightly.

“It’s okay Haru. I know that you’re going through a lot right now that I couldn’t even begin to understand. You’re going to be okay though. You know why?” He shook his head against my shoulder and I just kissed his forehead gently.

“Because I’ll always be there for you. Even when you’re angry with me and you hate me I’ll still be there for you to support you and love you. I know that I yell at you a lot but it’s only because I care about you and I hate being left in the dark about what you’re going through. I’ll try to tone it down a thousand though.” He just laughed softly against my shoulder as I ran my hands through his hair with a small smile on my face.

“Carla, switch to my calming Smashing Pumpkins playlist.” I told the AI sitting on the other side of the counter as the music changed and I just lightly swayed with my brother.

“I love you Sakura. I could never, ever truly hate you. I might say so in a fit of rage against this medication that I’m on now but it will never be genuine.” Haru’s golden eyes looked at me and I saw the rawness and general vulnerability that he usually covered up.

“I know that you couldn’t it’s just that sometimes I hate myself because I feel like I should be a better sister…” He shook his head with a small laugh escaping him. He held me closer to him and I could feel the binder through his shirt.

“I think that I got really lucky. I got the best sister in the entire world. I could only ever love you Saki you’ve worked so hard to make everyone proud of you even if you rain yourself into the ground. I’ll always be here to help even if I can be a bit of a lazy ass when it comes to the restaurant business.” I squeezed my brother tightly. It had been so long since he had last hugged me this tightly and damn if I wan’t going to savor every second of it.

“I love you Haru, so much. You’re my brother and the only one that I’ve got and I want you to remember that I happen to believe that you’re perfect just the way that you are. I want you to remember this always that no matter what you’re older sister, by ten minutes, will always love you.” I threw in the age gap between the two of us to lighten the mood and he just scoffed at me a little bit with a teasing smile on his face.

“You might be older but just because you were born first doesn’t mean that you got all the brains or the good looks.” He joked and I lightly shoved his side with a small laugh looking over at Miya who was holding up his phone.

“I had to record that because you so often over analyze the hell out everything Sakura. This way you’ll have video evidence of your brother saying that he loved you, hugging you, and telling you that you were the perfect big sister.” I looked up at my best friend gratefully when my phone buzzed and I saw the video sitting there.

“Sakura… this is not your fault okay? You aren’t a bad sister just because I keep losing my temper. It’s my fault if anything and I’ve said so many mean things to you…” I lightly ruffled my brother’s curls with a small smile on my face.

“I’ve said just as many back to you, we’re siblings that doesn’t mean that we have to get along idiot. I was just over analyzing that you might hate me because I am constantly getting on your case about things that you don’t want to be doing.” He put his arm around my shoulders with a small smirk on his face. I sighed a little bit mentally smacking myself for ever thinking that my brother would hate me. I would do anything to keep my brother happy and healthy. Sometimes even at the expense of my own mental and emotional health.

“Things are going to get better between us. I can’t promise when they are going to be but I do know that they will eventually. It’s been a long hard road for both of us but one day I’ll be able to apologize and actually make it better with more than just words. Need any help?” I shook my head a light teasing glare coming from me.

“You’d just burn it, leave the cooking to the professionals.” I mocked and he sighed heavily muttering that it was just one time that he burned water.

“Once was enough for me to never trust you around a stove again. Now sit your ass down or get out.” Haru sighed before sitting at the table getting out his switch. Miya leaned against my side resting his cheek on my shoulder.

“That went well, don’t you think so?” I nodded my head with a small smile on my face. It had gone better than just about every situation I had played in my head.

“I do think so! I’m sorry for freaking out on you earlier. I think that slowly but surely we’ll get better.” He nodded his head with a small smile squeezing the hand that was getting a sheet pan out for the potatoes.

“This kind of thing doesn’t just wake up and one day it’s different you can get along now. I think you know that just doesn’t work. To have a good relationship it takes effort from both sides consistently.” I smiled sadly at my best friend thumbing his cheeks lightly.

“And now we’re talking about your parents. Do you want to talk about your parents?” He sighed heavily but I could tell that there were some things that he did want to get off of his chest.

“Mostly just that I wish they tried more like Kaoru and Kojiro. They are constantly working together to make sure that you two get along and that you’re both happy. It’s not an easy job but they’ve never complained about it even though they can bicker until the world burns itself out. I just wish that they talked to me more. Not talked at me.” I wound my arms around my best friend’s waist in a tight hug. I always hated his parents, true they’ve never liked me all that much either. Claimed that I was a bad influence on Miya and that I would make an awful girlfriend. True, what did they know? They didn’t even take the time to know their son.

“Sometimes they do disagree about big choices that they want to make about me or Haru. It’s just really, really rare. They have other things that they would much rather get into bickering arguments about. I love them but sometimes it does get annoying. I know that they love each other but when I used to watch sitcoms of loving families I wished that was me.” Miya just lightly laughed a little bit at me nuzzling my nose against his.

“Well you did get one sitcom parental unit as your parents, remember your love of the Dick Van Dyke show?” I laughed openly at the comparison nodding my head since yeah, that was accurate to how my parents were. Constantly playfully bickering with one another when it was obvious how much they worshiped one another and getting stuck in petty disagreements all the time before they made up faster than you could say what happened.

“I still love the DVD show okay, leave that man alone he’s a national treasure from the States.” My best friend just laughed openly at me rolling his sea green eyes at me.

“I caught her rewatching some of the episodes just the other day on her box set of all of them. I watched some of them with her even. That was fun.” Haru mentioned off handedly and I couldn’t help but grin at my brother.

“You’ll have to watch more with me at some point!” He nodded his head with a small smile on his face. The oven dinged and I took out the frittata. It looked perfectly made and smelt just as amazing. Miya looked at his favorite breakfast food nearly drooling and I lightly rapped his shoulder.

“Not yet, you have to let it cool. I already know what you’re thinking and it’s my job to talk you out of it.” Miya sighed pouting a little bit as I carried my potatoes over to the oven with a small smile on my face washing my hands one more time.

“It looks delicious Sakura. You really did come through for brunch yet again. I’m proud of you.” My mom doted on me and I couldn’t help but grin at him.

“I just did what I always do, I had to stop this one from digging in already.” My dad looked at the frittata with a smile.

“It looks amazing flower, great job. I can tell that you put a lot of love into this.” He told me and put his arm around my shoulders.

“Are you nervous about skating today love?” My mom asked me looking me over just making sure that my brother and I had patched things up.

“I’m not that nervous. It’s mostly just excited butterflies in my stomach than anything else. How about skater boy? How you doing?” I asked Miya and he just leaned his head against my side with a small smile on his face.

“I’m good, I’m looking forward to skating my heart out and doing my best. I’m not going to let what my parents and I have been fighting about get in the way of doing what I love.” He reminded me and I pounded his fist with my left hand.

“I hope that you bring your A-game Haru, I’m going to totally whip the floor with you.” He lightly threatened and I could see the spark of competition in my brother’s eyes.

“Oh it’s so on cat boi, you’re going down.” I sighed heavily shaking my head with a small smile on my face at my two favorite boys in my life.

“Save it for the competition, I can’t handle this much toxic masculinity in my life.” My mom lightly threatened and I couldn’t help but chuckle at the two of them. My dad carried the watermelon salad and frittata to the table.

“I already have to put up with the oaf gorilla I don’t need to deal with the two of you.” I smiled softly at the three of them shaking my head.

“I can’t help you mom, I’ve tried to get them to stop. They just constantly try and pick fights with each other. It’s the teenage boy in both of them.” Miya patted the seat next to him that I easily took without needing to think about it too hard.

“Well they can keep it to themselves or to the competition later.” He complained and I couldn’t help but laugh softly at my mom as the potatoes finished and my dad gave them our coveted fork test.

“These look good to go!! I’m proud of you two for getting breakfast ready, I thought that I would have to do it today.” Miya put an arm around my shoulders with a small smile of encouragement. He ran a soothing circle into my shoulder and I positively melted into the touch.

“I always make breakfast on the weekends, it’s part of my job around here. I prefer to help as much as I can. Bon appetite!” I dished everyone their individual portions and Miya sighed at the taste of his favorite breakfast.

“Delicious as always.” He praised and I felt my cheeks turn a bright pink color. I did that. I made him love food as much as he does now. That idea alone made me proud of myself because when I had met him he had been so terrified of food and weight gain that it squandered how food should be. Food should be delicious and it always made me light up from the inside when he told me that my food was.

“I’ll be the judge of that…�� Haru tried one of our potatoes that we had both made and he gave me a double thumbs up his bracelet jingling around his wrist.

“Another home run sis, this will definitely fuel us up for competing later. Are you ever going to tell me what you’re skating to?” I shook my head with a small smirk on my face. If he wasn’t going to tell me than I’d prefer to surprise him as well.

“You’re going to have to wait and see what I’ve got planned. You have not told me what you were doing either so in general I do not have to tell you.” Miya’s comforting circles continued and I couldn’t help but melt into the touch of affection.

“Touché Saki, touché. Are you two going to study tomorrow? Can you help me too?” He whined and I nodded my head. History was one of the few areas in school where I outdid him in terms of grades.

“You did a really, really good job on breakfast today Sakura. Thank you very much.” My mom thanked me with a patient smile on his face.

“It’s no problem really. I love cooking and if my cooking can make people happy that’s all that I want.” I glanced over at Miya who had a contended smile on his face around a mouthful of watermelon salad. I’ll keep cooking for you, introducing you to new flavors and dishes. Just please, don’t move forward without me.

“That was why I opened the restaurant too, it was to feed this one since he is constantly forgetting about a little thing called quality nourishment.” My mom sighed at him and I couldn’t help but laugh at my parents interacting with each other. I knew that there was nobody in the world who loved one another more than they did.

“That’s why your portions are always so outrageously big you continue to try to make me look fatter than I already am you food pusher.” I laughed at my mom openly shaking my head. For all that my mom protested he was still really, really skinny. Almost scarily so for somebody that had basically all but retired from professional skating after his beef with Adam a few years go. I heard recently that the creep finally wound up in prison and part of me wished that he would rot there for the rest of his life.

“Can you pass me the bread please Haru?” Miya asked my brother bringing me out of my thoughts and he cut a slice of it handing it to me.

“Bread for you, bread for me.” I smiled softly at my best friend as he put some of the honey butter that we bought from the bakery. Most of the brunch was spent just with the three of us with us hyper focused on what was going to happen when we skated this afternoon.

“You’re remarkable quiet sweetheart, are you nervous?” He asked me and I nodded my head with a small smile on my face.

“A little bit. Most of the time I’m just scared that I won’t be able to achieve what I’m going after.” Miya squeezed my hand with a small smile on his face.

“I just want you to do your best out there. I love you Sakura and you’re going to be amazing out there.” My mom reminded me with a small smile on his face. I knew that he was encouraging me but I just wanted to make myself proud and Miya. It might have seemed dumb if anybody really knew why I wanted to skate today but I mostly just wanted show him that I was on the same playing field as he was.

“He’s right flower, you’ve been practicing for over a year now all on your own and even though you were a beginner skater you’ve accomplished a lot in a little amount of time. I know that you can go out there and kick some ass. All three of you can.” My dad reminded me ruffling my hair lightly with a small smile on his face.

“Are we driving you up Miya?” My best friend nodded his head sadly and I sighed a little bit. That already answered my question that had been bothering me for the last few hours, his parents weren’t going to show up.

“They’re watching it on the television at home. At least that’s what they told me, some parents right?” I clenched my fists in sheer rage but his hand squeezed one of mine.

“We’d be glad to take you with us Miya. Then afterwards we’re all coming back here for a celebration!! You are not cooking a damn thing. You already busted your cute butt making us breakfast. Dinner is my job tonight.” My dad teased me lightly and my mom swatted his lower arm lecturing him about being a creep.

“Alright dad, I’ll stay out of your kitchen tonight then. Thanks for everything.” I thanked him and he just hugged me tightly to him.

“I’m so proud of you flower. You’ve been able to do everything and manage your time so well. You’ve been working so hard while maintaining your grades as well. I knew that you could do it if you just put your mind to it. It’s been a lot for you but I know that whatever goal you’re after you’ll achieve it.” He reminded me kissing my forehead lightly before pulling my brother into the hug as well.

“Both of my kids growing up into their own individual people, I couldn’t be prouder of either of you. I know that whatever dream you both have you’ll be able to achieve it by just doing your best out there. I say that all three of you grab your boards because we’ve got a long ride ahead of us.” I nodded my head with a small smile on my face picking up my skateboard.

“Are you going to sit next to me?” I tapped my chin lightly considering Miya’s question with a small thoughtful hum.

“Well gee I don’t know…” He shoved me and I couldn’t help but laugh at my best friend putting my hands into my pockets.

“Of course I’m going to sit next to you, it’s not like I have anything else to during this hour car ride.” My best friend smiled softly at me leaning against my shoulder with a small smile on my face.

“I was just wondering if you’d rather sit with Haru…” My heart warmed at his consideration but I knew that if I sat with my brother with the way that things were right now we’d end up fighting.

“I appreciate the sentiment, thank you for checking with me first. But we really should just keep our distance for right now as much as we can anyways. I think that a majority of this car ride I’m just going to sleep if that’s alright. I’m really tired and slipping into a good food coma.” He smiled softly at me hugging me to him.

“I’ll look after you while you nap. I’ve got my friend the switch so I’ll be totally fine.” He reminded me and I went down the stairs with a small smile on my face. I slid into a booth with Miya next to me while we waited for the rest of my family. Haru came down carrying his board and I saw sloppy signature again on his board.

“Do you think that Reki will get there before us so you can test out your new board?” He asked me sitting down next to me on the other side of me.

“He’s already there! He went there last night to make sure that the board worked. Apparently him and Langa stayed in a hotel.” I heard the familiar bickering about who was going to drive before my mom yanked the keys out of my dad’s hands.

“It would be better if I drove you stupid gorilla you would just get us lost.” I laughed a little bit at my dad and his pout. My dad’s shoulder went around my shoulders with a proud grin.

“How you doing flower power? Need some sleep on the road?” I nodded my head and he pushed a lock of pink hair behind my ear.

“I’m going to sit by her.” Miya was already racing my brother to get the car and my mom sighed muttering teenage boys.

“You gotta love them mom, I call dibs on the way way back!” I climbed into the backseat of the car with a small smile on my face. Miya climbed next to me and put his arm around my shoulders as I snuggled into his side taking off my shoes.

“Any music requests?” My mom asked and I heard my dad tell him nothing too loud right as I started drifting off to sleep. I slept on Miya’s shoulder throughout the whole ride until he lightly shook my shoulder.

“Good afternoon sleeping beauty! We’re here, oh shit here comes Reki. He looks excited brace yourself he’ll probably start talking a mile a minute.” I opened my ruby eyes yawning a little bit but I saw my favorite redhead.

“Reki!” I exclaimed climbing out of the car to give him a tight hug. The bubbly redhead instantly hugged me back just as tightly.

“There’s my favorite kiddo, I’ve got your new board right here!! Check it out!!” I looked at the light blue board in front of me turning it upside down as tears came to my eyes.

“Reki…” On the bottom of the board the Fly By Night owl stared back at me. It made me feel verklempt with emotion that was riding way too high for this situation.

“That is so badass! Oh my god, the slime ball actually managed it.” Reki yanked lightly on the hem of Miya’s hoodie glaring half heartedly.

“I thought that we were past the oh he’s a slime phase.” He impersonated my best friend’s voice and I saw the stadium in front of me that looked terrifyingly intimidating.

“You can do it Sakura. If I can do it then so can you.” My brother reminded me lightly and I looked at my new board seeing a lack of foot grips on it.

“I’ve upgraded you!! You won’t need those foot grips anymore I should have taken them off way earlier.” Reki rubbed the back of his neck a little bit and I could see the excitement in his eyes when I was able to ride my new board just as well as my old one.

“Thank you Reki, so much. I don’t think that I’ll ever find a way to repay you.” He smiled brightly at me and I saw the strong and quiet Langa who was looking at the atmosphere around him.

“The board looked good. You did a great job.” He praised me and I gave him a thumbs up. My mom led my brother, Miya, and me into the stadium and got us all signed in. It was loud and extremely chaotic inside but I just put on my headphones and tuned out the rest of the world through the sounds of Rush.

“Hey, I’m up next. Come and watch! Your brother is right after me.” Miya took my hand shaking me out of my nervousness. He led me through and I saw the ramps that I would be skating on.

“Our next contestant is quite a promising one, 14 year old, Miya Chinen!!” The announcer exclaimed and my best friend grinned at me waving a little bit. I watched as he stood at the top of the ramp and the obstacle course that we would be skating.

“I decided a long time ago that I was going to skate to a song if I ever got this far. I’ve learned a lot through the person that got me into this band and they opened my heart to a whole new world of experiences.” He explained to the audience and I heard the familiar sounds of “Limelight” play across the room. I felt tears erupt in my eyes and I couldn’t keep the sob past my teeth.

“You idiot… you can’t just do this to me and expect me to ever feel good enough for you…” My brother lightly thwacked me upside the head.

“You should be calling yourself an idiot for even thinking such a ridiculous thing. He chose this because he loves you. He changed your life and brought laughter into it. You changed his life by bringing food, comfort, affection, and family into his.” As Geddy’s vocals started to ring across the arena I couldn’t help but marvel at how amazing of a skater my best friend/skateboarding teacher really was. I knew that he was good but before now I had never known what his skating would look like when you put it to music, especially not to Rush.

“This song actually really fits him when you think about it. A child prodigy at skating from too young of an age, put into the spotlight and forced to do things that no child ever should have to do. He had to put up walls around himself until you came into his life and told him that was no way to live.” My brother noted and I couldn’t help but bury my face into my brother’s side. He just wrapped his arms around me as I continued to watch Miya’s skate.

“I can’t believe that he did this for me… he didn’t have to pick Rush… he could have skated to anything.” My brother laughed at me a little bit lightly pulling on my cheek as I tried to bat his hands away from me.

“Maybe this is the way that he thought of to tell you that he wants to be more than friends with you? That he loves you?” He noted and my eyes widened as I looked at my best friend out there skating his best. Could that really be what he’s trying to tell me? Everything seemed to add up in my head. All the touches, the flirting, the constant need to look after me and make sure that I’m okay… all of it was trying to tell me in his own way that he loved me.

“And she finally gets it nearly two years later…” I shoved my brother’s side with a small smile on my face shaking my head at him.

“Well, what do you want from me? He’s gorgeous, and I’m just me.” I gestured to my hoodie, shorts and leggings. He laughed at me shaking his head lightly tutting at me.

“And to him that’s more than enough to be remarkable.” I rolled my eyes with a small smile on my face. This boy was going to be mine by the end of the day, I swear it.

“Alright, my turn, better take notes because I’m about to kick this competitions ass to the curb.” My brother bragged and I blinked owlishly as Miya came over to stand by me nervously avoiding my gaze.

“You were amazing! I was totally surprised when you pulled Limelight out. Why-Why did you do that?” He sighed a little bit running his hand through his helmet hair that he had now.

“I was trying to tell you something earlier, when your dad came in and interrupted us. But it can wait! I don’t want you to miss your brother’s skate.” He quickly shifted topics and I watched as my brother got to the top of the ramp.

“I’ve been skating since I was really little. My parents have always joked that I was born riding a board. But they couldn’t always take me when I wanted to go around the neighborhood. That job was left to my amazing older sister who has always been there for me. Even when I yelled at her or she got under my skin, even when we can’t seem to get along no matter what we do, she’s always been the person that’s believed in me the most. The one with the most encouragement that I would succeed. This skate is for her.” He explained and I heard the soft tones that I was so familiar with at this point from all the times that I had to listen to Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness in the car. He smiled at me his eyes lighting up like little stars as he began to skate to the quiet song that I had grown up loving. The tears that trickled down my face were ones of infinite happiness. He had chosen this song with the purpose of me knowing that no matter what he would always be there for me. Even when I yelled at him and he yelled back, that all together meant nothing. We were siblings, we were going to fight and we were going to disagree about things often. But that also meant that we would make it through to the next day and continue to love one another as much as we did.

“He planned this out with a purpose that you’ve probably already figured out. He’s amazing…” Miya mentioned and I nodded my head as he handed me a bag of tissues that were in his hoodie pocket with a small smile on his face.

“He really, really is. I know that if he gets the offer that he’ll turn it down. This was so that I would know how much I mean to him. Is my dad recording this?” I looked up seeing a familiar mop of green hair and saw the video camera in his hands. My mom was sniffling and his eyes were red-rimmed. We could all be proud of Haru today because he had come out on top. Through everything that he had been through he had remained my overly confident younger brother. I would always do everything within my power to make sure that he knew how proud of him I was. I hugged my brother so tightly to me that I could hear him mutter too tight in a higher pitched and more breathy tone.

“Deal with it you asshole, you just made me bawl my eyes out.” I lightly flicked his forehead with a small loving smile on my face bouncing back and forth on my heels.

“We will now be doing the tryouts for the girls nationals team!!” I took a deep breath going up to the platform and suddenly the bright stage lights just hit me and I blinked at the onslaught of light.

“While most of my competitors have been skating for their entire lives that wasn’t possible for me. I had bad balance and bad visual spacial skills for a majority of my life so it made my balance flighty and weird. I learned how to rollerblade so that I could keep with my brother and so that somebody could go skating with him. I was lucky enough to have an utterly amazing teacher to educate me on the proper way to board. My teacher became my best friend and he’s the prime reason why I’m standing here today. He taught me everything I know not just about skating but how to make real genuine friends.” I explained my backstory of how I had gotten here today feeling tears come to my eyes but quickly blinking them back when I heard the intro guitar to the song that I had picked. I saw my brother laugh a little bit with a fond sparkle of I should have known written all over his face as I went down the ramp. I picked my song out of consideration for comfort over anything else since I knew that I would be nervous about what would happen if I got this far and had a sensory overload.

“Begin a day with a friendly voice, a companion unobtrusive plays that song that’s so elusive and the magic music makes your morning mood. Up on your way hit the open road there is magic at your fingers for the spirit ever lingers undermining content in your happy solitude….” Hearing Geddy’s voice along with the clapping of the entire stadium as if they had known exactly why I had picked this song above all the others lit me up inside. It hit me that a majority of these people were probably Rush fans. I was probably surrounded by the biggest congregation of Rush fans in my entire life. I did a rail slide down the ramp and landed it with practiced ease flying through the air as I went up the ramp. The wind in my hair had always been one of the countless reasons that I had loved skating so much over the last three years. It was something that could ground me but it could also compel me to do crazy things. Going through my entire routine and hearing the roaring applause from the audience, especially from the fourth row in the middle where I saw Reki, Langa, my dad, and my mom. I grinned broadly at my found family and I waved to the camera.

“That was quite the show that you just did. You will get your results after every other girl goes. Good job.” The head judge told me and I knew that even if I didn’t make it, I would still be immensely happy. I had achieved what I had come here to do. I had done my entire routine that I had practiced for so long and I had performed on the same course that Miya did. I was now on his level and I could meet him where he stood. I ran into my best friend’s arms and he caught me easily his bright beaming smile spinning me around tightly in his arms.

“I love you…” I admitted for the first time in three years and I saw his eyes widen with a small smirk on his face.

“I can’t believe that you beat me to it Sakura, don’t you know that there’s a line for these kinds of things? That the person who’s liked the other for the longest is supposed to confess first?” I blinked at him in confusion.

“How long have you-“ He laughed a little bit nervously rubbing the back of his neck with a small smile on his face and a bright pink blush.

“Since that first time you talked to me about skating…” The sheer shock of the confession caused a surprised laugh to leave me.

“I thought that you hated me back then.” He shook his head at me his sea green eyes making contact with mine I looped my arms around his neck.

“I never hated you, I thought that you were really cute. That’s why I didn’t want to be your friend at first because I thought that somebody as cute as you wouldn’t want to be friends with a moody thing like me.” I laughed brightly at him realizing just how stupid we had both been.

“Idiot…” He smiled softly at me lifting my chin up so that I could look at him, his sea green eyes flowing with emotions.

“Your idiot now, good luck getting rid of me.” He kissed my cheek with a bright pink blush on his cheeks and I heard the snap of a camera.

“Had to commemorate the moment!! You two have been making me nauseous for the last three years running it’s about time that I started to get my revenge.” I flipped my brother off and he just laughed at me.

“I’ll send you the picture and you can make it your new phone wall paper?” He offered me and I nodded my head with a small smile.

“Oh god, no not your wallpaper!” Miya put a hand over his eyes dramatically but I just smiled softly at him shaking my head. I turned my head in his arms so that I could watch the other girls skate. Most of the others definitely had more practice than I did since they were doing it for longer and could do more tricks than I could in their sleep. After all the girls had gone the judges talked amongst one another for a few minutes before they came over the loudspeaker.

“We have reconvened as your judges for the day and have come back with the people that will be on the Japanese Nationals team. This has been a rare year where two boys and one girl will be on our nationals team because a lot of us were blown away by what we saw.” I stiffened in my best friend’s arms and they tightened around me with a small smile on his face.

“That means that you have more of a chance baby!” I felt my cheeks flush at the pet name and he just smirked a little bit.

“I thought that you might like that one.” I lightly swatted his shoulder with a small sigh. I couldn’t help but have this nearly palpable nervous energy.

“For the boys we have chosen Miya Chinen and Haru Sakurayashiki.” My brother’s eyes widened and I cheered loudly for him.

“You did it Haru! You get to go on to the national team!” I encouraged him and he looked over at the stage as I retracted from Miya’s arms.

“Go and get your plaque my love.” I told him lightly pushing him forward and laughed a little bit when he adorably stumbled forward and turned to glare half heartedly at me.

“For the girls we were pleasantly surprised by one of them. Miss Sakura Nanjo, while not the most technically advanced is clearly passionate and wants to be better than those around her. She loves the sport clearly so she will be our girl to move onto the Japanese nationals team.” My eyes widened. Why had they picked me out of all the girl’s that were clearly more capable than me? I wasn’t that great technically yet and I was still mostly just learning how to do the trickier jumps. I could feel the other girl’s harsh glares sent my direction. I moved forward my knees shaking and Miya quickly handed my brother his plaque before helping me up to the podium.

“They picked you because even though the other girls were all technically very skilled they lacked the passion that you skate with. If you need me to speak personally with any of them than I will be glad to.” I smiled softly at my best friend as I took my plaque from the lead judge.

“I love you.” He told me and my heart threatened to beat right out of my chest. It went flying into the hands of somebody that I knew would take good care of it. I wound my arms around his neck and gave him my first kiss. While there were not fireworks going off in that moment every inch of me felt warm and contented. I felt the zings of happiness and electricity going between the two of us that made me feel all warm and sticky like melted caramel.

[nctnight]

(college!johnny part two) part one > part three

5:24pm

you were lying in bed, some familiar song playing in the radio. your curtains flowed as a warm spring breeze came through the window. you sighed, looking at your phone.

Mark had texted you, but you felt too lazy to respond. the late afternoon heat made your thoughts slow.

"so this was keshi, my friends!" you heard Johnny's voice through the radio, making you grin instantly. "we are just starting NCTU Night so stay tuned to hear some good songs."

yesterday Marie had called Johnny to ask him if he could send some stuff that she forgot back to France. when he came back, your eyes was already dry, ready to fake a smile and talk. you felt so stupid for crying, like a child that only wants what they can't have.

he didn't look disappointed by her lack of interest so you decided to ask about it. "I guess it wasn't meant to last," he had said, taking a huge bite of his cheese pizza. "I don't mind, actually. I knew it from the start. It was just fun and it was good, but time to focus on myself, I guess.”

you nodded and in a crooked way, it felt good to know he wasn't with someone else. the green beast of jealousy put away at last—at least for the time being.

you were avoiding some of his texts. you didn’t want to feed your stupid infatuation, but it was hard to keep away.

"before the next song, we'll read an anonymous letter we received today!" Johnny announced, interrupting your thoughts. "this dude is saying he's deeply and desperately in love with his best friend, but she seems not to notice. he's asking if he should tell her because he doesn't want to mess up their friendship."

Johnny pauses for a second and you smile to yourself, you could almost see the engines of his brain working. but it seemed someone was in a similar situation to yours. bunch of idiots and hopeless romantics, you thought.

"well, my dude, I think you should wait until the moment is right. you'll know when it arrives. when your heart wants to speak for itself, that's when you should tell her. and deal with the consequences, man. but never silence your own feelings. they are there for a reason."

you rolled your eyes and decided that it was time to reply to Mark. he called you before you could type in anything.

"where have you been?" he squealed, people chatting on the background.

"nourishing my last remaining brain cell," you replied, standing up and looking through your window. "what's up?"

"NCTU Night is having a party tonight after the program, the whole crew is coming. I've been trying to invite you," Mark replied.

NCTU Night was Johnny's side project: a small radio station for NCTU's students with the latest news and the best lo-fi and hip hop tunes. it was his greatest passion after photography.

because of that, Johnny was very popular among the students. he talked to everyone and was always nice and polite and you knew he loved the attention. he loved mingling at parties and having fun. you always thought he seemed to glow in contrast to the dull crowd.

"uhm..."

"come on, y/n! it will be fun. I won't let Johnny ruin your mood. we'll just dance and play games, have fun..."

you groaned. "last time I went to one of those I had to carry your wasted friend Haechan on my back."

"it's just because you're too good to say no when people ask for help. he could have walked home," Mark argued.

you sigh in defeat "fine. text me the time and place."

Mark cheered and after are saying goodbye he hung up.

you groaned, glancing at your wardrobe. you decided to go with cute overalls, a random t-shirt and platform shoes.

the party would be at NCTU Night's basement in about an hour. Mark would be pick you up in 30 minutes so you could take the bus together since the studio was on the other side of campus.

. . .

you had been playing with Haechan, Mark and Yuta for almost an hour now and being the sore loser that you were, things started to get boring.

and on top of that, you hadn't seen Johnny anywhere. you tried texting him, but your phone was snatched away by Haechan. "no distractions," he claimed.

you rolled your eyes.

fortunately for you, the game ended when Yuta decided to quit. you sighed in relief, standing up and stretching your legs. you decided to roam around a bit, maybe then you could find Johnny.

your feet dragged you through the dancing bodies that were moving to the heavy and too provocative music that blasted through the basement's sound system. you spotted some of the NCTU Night crew; Taeyong greeted you with a smile and a wave, Taeil chatted casually with you and then was dragged away by Yuta for some reason and then you spent some minutes talking to Yeri, one of the radio’s assistants.

and then you finally found Johnny. he was standing near the entryway as if he had been there all along. he was wearing a hoodie and jeans, his hair hidden by a beanie. "took you long enough to find me," he said in your ear, trying to overcome the noise.

"I looked all over for you. I only go to these parties because of you, y'know?" you smiled, leaning away from his face.

Johnny grinned "am I that special?"

"I would not be your best friend if I didn't support your crazy projects," you responded. "NCTU Night is literally your baby. the only thing you care about more is photography."

he shook his head, stray strands of hair slipping from his beanie, framing his perfectly shaped face. "you're wrong. I care a lot about you."

your smile faltered. "I care a lot about you too," you admitted. was he flirting? or was that your blind desire giving you false hopes? his smile sent you shivers down the spine. it was ridiculous how good he looked under those purple cheap lights, how his face was shining. you bit your lip, looking away. 

it was almost painful how hard you had to control yourself not to look... temptation was killing you. it didn’t help that he was approaching slowly, his scent intoxicating. “what are you doing?” you whispered with a shaky breath.

“is there something wrong?” he asked, his brows furrowed. he touched your wrist. “are you okay, love?”

you nodded. your heart was beating so hard against your chest you thought it would burst. “I just need some air, that’s all.”

he offered you a sympathetic smile and followed you outside, his hands always touching your skin, making it prickly warm. the cool night air gave you some relief, but it felt like you were near the sun whenever you were around him. 

you rested against the building wall, eyes half shut, your mind dizzy. “did you drink something?” he asked, touching your face which was ten different shades of red and pink. you shook your head negatively.

“I was just feeling trapped there, that’s all,” you responded with a weak smile. 

“what’s going on? you’ve been avoiding my texts today.” he was in front of you, deep brown eyes fixated on yours as if he was trying to read through you.

maybe your feelings was like a disease. you could only keep them for a certain time until the symptoms showed, a fever so strong, shaking heads, shortness of breath, heart racing. you groaned. “tell me, love. please.” he whispered. 

Johnny was so close to you, you could feel the scent of the drink he had, his perfume, even hear his heartbeat. almost caught in an embrace, but not quiet. as if he was too scared to break you. 

“I must go,” you mumbled, his arms falling on his sides. you looked into his eyes, so full of curiosity, wonder and preoccupation. “it’s all fine, don’t worry. I’ll text you later, okay?”

he nodded, watching you walk away, your arms crossed on your chest. he hesitated to look away, but the sound of footsteps from behind him caught his attention. Mark offered him a friendly grin. “what’s up? where’s y/n?”

“she... uh, she left,” he responded. your figure was already lost in the darkness of campus. “do you know what’s going on with her?”

Mark took a sip of his drink, pondering how he should answer. “I think you should ask her. she’d kill me if I told you, but I will tell you that she’s hiding something and I think it’s consuming her to keep it from you. so, ask her.”

the blond haired boy smiled and left, leaving a clueless and moonstruck Johnny behind. 

[visforvengeance]

Robin Buckley: I thought I dreamed her

Requested by: no one :)

Notes: hi. Hello. I’m back from the dead with some gay. Am I too late? I absolutely adore robin and this has been sitting in my drafts since s3. Now. The conversation where robin confessed her feeling to reader is an actual convo I had w my best friend. And this was kind of dedicated to her. Idk if she’ll read this but anyway. I hope you like it. This was inspired by hozier’s work song too.

Warnings: none. Cursing. Just really gay fluff.

Y/N’s POV

Having a summer job at the mall was tiring. Until she walked in. She was shy and hardly spoke. When I first saw her, I ruined a customer’s ice cream cone. Chocolate was all over my hand and my boss yelled at me for the third time. “Stop being so distracted! Those condiments cost and I don’t pay you to stare at boys,” she said. Boys? Yuck! And she barely pays me anything. ”Y-yes, ma’am. I’m sorry.” I never stutter. But her laugh made my knees go weak and my heart burst with joy.

Steve was working there already. They’d both gotten super close. Always laughing and hanging out, it made me jealous. Why couldn’t she be like that with me? Steve never even acknowledged her in school. But me? I noticed her every move. Not in a creepy way, but in an “I completely adore you” way. Her favorite drinks and how she never ate the school pizza because it had cheese on it. She hated cheese, but she ate Doritos and things. It was cute.

She was so cute in her sailor’s hat. How bored she looked when Lucas’ little sister and friends demanded they get more ice cream or they’d tell our manager. When Steve wasn’t around, she’d speak. But nothing more than “what are you eating for lunch?” If I wasn’t so fucking awkward, maybe we could’ve been friends. I’d rather have her as a friend than not at all.

In school, I’d see her giving heart eyes to the back of Steve’s head. God, I wish it were me instead. He genuinely sucked, and she deserved better. I started leaving notes in her locker. Notes like “you looked pretty today” and “you’re an Aphrodite in a garden of snakes.” I watched her read them and her smile stay plastered on her face until the end of the school day.

When Steve noticed that I was working there (after 3 months?) he invited me to hang out with them after work. And Robin insisted that I come and that she won’t take no for an answer. Remember now, I never stutter. But when her attention was on me, the connection between my brain and my mouth went out the window.

We sat at the swings in Hawkins Memorial Park. Steve stood against the pole, while Robin and I swung. We all engaged in a conversation, but Steve kept getting left out. He went home and it was just us. We had a mini fight on who was walking who home (she won). On the way to my home, we talked and talked. Time sped past us and we were on my doorstep in no time.

When I got to work the next day, I expected her to not want to talk to me. But she stopped her conversation with Steve to come and hug me. She smelled of vanilla mint perfume. It made me fall more in love with her than I already was. Our conversations carried on throughout the day and then we walked home together.

Soon, we became really close friends. We had sleepovers and gave each other hugs that seemed to last forever. She told me she loved me for the first time when we were in my bed. The fairy lights on my wall captured her silhouette perfectly. We were laying face to face, so close that I could feel her breath on my skin.

And then we were practically inseparable. I had replaced Steve in a sense. But not in the way I wanted. I didn’t want to be her friend, I want to kiss her lips. I couldn’t tell her that, though.

I’d overheard a conversation between her and Steve. She was talking about someone, a girl. She mentioned how she thought she was the cutest girl she’d ever seen. And that she just wished she felt the same. I couldn’t listen anymore, so I announced my presence.

After a few months, we grew apart. It worried me. If I ever lost her, it’d be like losing a part of myself. By now, I was maybe in love with her. We’d say ’I love you’ at least 3 times a day. And we held hands all the time. We were extremely close, maybe too close. If I was ever sad, she was always there. And she made me feel better instantly. I thought about her constantly and everything reminded me of her. I’m scared of losing her.

And then came to my house at 12:30 am. “I think too much about you,” she whispered. “Is that bad?” I asked curiously. “I don’t know. I want you in my life. But is it that simple or is there more to it?” I shrugged. “We’ll just have to see.” She nodded and turned over to sleep.

She quietly called my name, asking if I was sleeping. When I responded and turned to look at her, she was already facing me. “Please don’t hate me after this but I think I might be in love with you. We say ‘I love you’ to each other all the time and I truly mean it. And I can actually picture myself marrying you. I can’t picture my life without you.”

I moved to kiss her. She wasted no time placing her hand on my waist. My hands were tangled in her hand and my body was warm all over. I’ve dreamt of this moment so many times. You could hear the soft beat of Just Me and You playing on the radio.

When she pulled away, I got lost in her eyes for a second. “I take it, you feel the same way?” I laughed and nodded. “More than you know, Buckley.” I spent the rest of the night in her arms.

The next day, we arrived at Scoops Ahoy. I hadn’t eaten, and I would’ve been starving. But when I watched my girlfriend smile at the tiny customer when taking his order, my body was so full of love that I could barely eat.

[rae-gar-targaryen]

only as alone as i wanna be | [bh]

A/N: Well instead of working on my Peter Parker writing challenge fic, Billy Hargrove won’t leave my brain alone. So here we go. 

I’ve retconned the Billy & Max relationship a bit for this, so it’s a lil au. Sorry!

Please let me know if you think I should continue!

Pairing: Billy Hargrove x fem!Reader (I’m still trying to get the hang of writing for the “reader.” Hopefully this is vague enough that you can imagine yourself. If not, send me feedback so I can get better!) 

Warnings: Language. Passing, vague mentions of sex. Some Billy Hargrove chain-smoking. Bad writing with a jumpy plot. Seriously, I think I’m way too abrupt. Please send feedback. This one is probably doomed for a re-write. 

Word Count: 2.4k of nonsensical, self-important musical references and haphazard, fleeting feelings.

Summary: The snarky record store girl does not like Billy Hargrove. Not at all. 

**NOT MY GIF!** 

—

Winter, 1984

The bell dinged above the door, a jarring interval between the wistful tones of Siouxsie and the Banshees’ Take Me Back. Prompting you to look up from your stack of records in mild annoyance. It had been such a productive day until now, and the vinyl wasn’t going to restock itself. 

Well. 

Had you known Mr. Born-In-The-USA-Bruce-Springsteen himself was going to walk in, you would’ve played something far less his taste than Siouxsie. Just to annoy him. Serves him right, right? 

He paused in the doorway of the shop, wrinkling his nose almost imperceptibly as the sound hit his ears, before striding on toward the “Pop/Rock” section of the store, thumbing his way through Motley Crue’s latest.

Figures, you thought. A man who douses himself with as much commercial-ass hairspray and cologne would like some commercial-ass garbage “metal.” Besides, you’d walked past the blue Camaro enough times in the school parking lot to hear the dulcet tones of whatever bland-ass hair metal he was currently into trying its best to blast the doors off of his beloved metal steed. 

You felt a twinge of guilt. You shouldn’t judge the customers for their musical taste so quickly– but between the old church ladies who came in for Handel’s Messiah or whatever they had heard over public radio that week, and the girls from your class riffing on Madonna, you had had just about enough. 

Hadn’t anyone experienced the true depth of Queen? Keep Yourself Alive, man!

You had been working at Hawkins’ local record store during the summers since childhood – Old Mr. Cohen who owned the place used to let you sort tapes into piles for cents on the hour until you were old enough for a real job. Immersed in the music since a young age, you appreciated the breadth and depth the shop had to offer– your favorites developing into pieces heavy on synth. Bonus points if the lyrics made you feel especially existential. You loved that moody shit. 

Now, at 17, you practically ran the place, Mr. Cohen comfortable with leaving you to your devices at the store, so long as the till was counted and inventory was properly stocked. You were grateful for the freedom– squeezing homework into slow nights and chatting about deeper portions of discography with regulars.

Billy Hargrove was not a regular. Neither did he promise a slow night, if the rumors amongst your female classmates were to be believed. Not that you partook in the Hawkins High rumor mill. 

He was a recent, but obtrusive, arrival in your high school’s social scene. Mere months into his appearance in your town and the age-in-kind female population had seemingly lost their brain cells faster than inhaling their usual clouds of hairspray could do it for them. 

Still, you had to admit, he was good-looking. The Springsteen comparison was apt. Billy Hargrove wore jeans like he was doing the denim a favor. His shirts usually two-thirds of the way unbuttoned, even in winter, which was not an unkind sight. His sun-kissed, California boy skin stood a stark contrast to the pallor of the Indiana natives you grew up with. His eyes were crystalline and swam like oceans of trouble and broken promises. 

My god. You were a moody-ass bitch. Waxing poetic about this jock-strap of a human being who you’d heard pummelled Steve Harrington and nearly drowned himself in beer and barely-legal pussy. Come on, babe. Get it together.

He strode up to you at the counter, his boots clunking against the store’s tiled floor. Shout at the Devil was clutched in his fist. 

He dropped the vinyl on the counter, eyes cast down and swiping a cigarette out of the packet in his jacket pocket and lighting up, the clink-thwip of his lighter meeting your ears before you could tell him to put it out. 

“You can’t do that in here,” you told him. 

He hummed in not-acknowledgment-acknowledgment, choosing to ignore you as he inhaled deeply.

“Seriously, dude. Old man Cohen hates that shit. Put it out or go outside and finish it. If your tits don’t freeze off. Since they’re, you know, halfway out of your shirt like that? You do know it’s December. In Indiana. Right?” You pressed, knowing full well you were being obnoxious. If only to make a point. Game recognize game, right? 

He looked up, ocean eyes meeting your own. His frown was instantaneous. 

“Fine,” he huffed. Before promptly stubbing out his cigarette on your freshly wiped counter, dropping the butt to the floor and twisting it under his booted heel.

“Ugh. Come on, man. I have to clean that now.” 

“You were so adamant about it before.” 

“Whatever man. Just the Motley Crue for you today?” You pressed. Why is he prolonging this interaction?

He rolled his eyes, his line of sight catching on the promotional sign above the counter. 

“Well, now, that says new vinyl is two for one. Which one can I get with this?” 

You dropped your head and exhaled deeply– So this was how this evening was going to go. You gestured at the New Release wall to the left of the front counter. 

“Anything from here, Pretty Boy. New vinyl.” 

Cool as you please, if you please.

Billy glanced at you, sensing your annoyance. A smirk graced his lips. He knew if he prolonged this interaction it would surely get a rise out of you.  

He held up Burning From the Inside, Bauhaus’s latest release. New, but not new.

“What about this one? Cover art is alright.” He gestured at the gothica aesthetic adorning the front jacket.

“That’s Bauhaus,” you informed him, as though that would explain everything.

“Bauhaus? What is that?” 

You snorted. 

“No, seriously. What is that? Is that like … a sex thing?” he asked, derisively. 

“It’s not a sex thing. It’s more of a not-your-kind-of-thing thing,” you stated primly. 

“And how would you know what my thing is, princess? I’m guessing by the black-on-black and torn fishnets you’d be all to familiar with whatever a Bauhaus is,” he retorted.

“Well….” You went to the used pile and grabbed Press Eject and Give Me the Tape, before putting it over the speakers. As Bela Lugosi’s Dead started to play throughout the store, Billy looked unamused. 

“They broke up last year. Gone too soon,” you explained, wistfully. You put your hand over your heart as though in mourning. 

He leaned one arm on the counter, Motley Crue seemingly long forgotten. 

“So, what is this song?”

“Bela Lugosi’s Dead? Like, Stairway to Heaven, but for goths, I guess,” you reasoned. “I’m guessing you’re more of a Scorpions kind of guy? We have Love At First Sting,” you gestured vaguely toward the wall. 

Billy quirked an eyebrow at you. 

“And how would you know what kind of guy I am, princess?” His voice lowering as he leans even further over the counter.

“Um. If the female population at our school is to be believed? Well, you get it…” you trailed off. “Plus, I don’t know, have you looked in a mirror lately? Scratch that. You probably don’t stop looking in mirrors. Should I cover the reflective surfaces in the store, lest you get distracted?” 

Billy at least had the decency to look shocked at your barb. 

But not before recovering quickly. 

“Maybe you just cover the reflective surfaces in here to hide the fact that you don’t have a reflection,” he quipped.

You were stunned. Your eyes widened.

“Was that a– vampire joke, Hargrove?”

Billy shrugged. “Well, If the post-punk bullshit shoe fits… I mean, what even is playing over the speakers right now? I’m in here enough to know Cohen lets his employees pick the music from the Used pile during their shifts. Though clearly I don’t come in often enough during your shifts.”

“Thank God for that,” you sighed. 

Deciding he’d had enough of the banter, Billy snagged Black Flag’s latest off of the New Release wall. 

“Two for one, right?” he snarked, slapping down enough cash for one album before grabbing his findings off of the counter and striding out into the wintery evening– the bell over the door clanging after him for good measure. Like an exclamation point on whatever the ever loving fuck that conversation was. Did you— offend him??

You decided, sweeping up the not-forgotten ash from his cigarette off the floor that you didn’t ever need to have an interaction with Billy Hargrove again. You were most decidedly not post-punk bullshit.

–

Billy Hargrove had never been so ruffled in all of his life. 

Throwing the two vinyl sleeves down in the passenger seat of his beloved Camaro, he slammed the door behind him.

Clink-Thwip.

Billy lit up, the chemical rush of his deep inhale-exhale instantly soothing his frazzled nerves. 

He flicked the lid of his lighter a few more times, for good measure. A nervous habit. Clink-Thunk. Clink-Thunk. Clink-Thunk. 

“ ‘Never stop looking in a mirror,’ my ass,” he grumbled, meeting his eyes in the rear-view before realizing what he was doing and looking away. 

He’d seen that girl before. She sat alone in the cafeteria most times, headphones on, reading a book. She seemed like the type to enjoy Slyvia Plath. Not that he knew enough about Slyvia Plath to really know what that type of girl was. He swore his mom owned a coverworn copy of some novel or another with that name on it. 

He drove away, tires squealing behind him, hair metal blasting from his speakers. Okay, so maybe you’d been right about his musical taste. It’s not like he’d give you the satisfaction. Besides, he’d bought BLACK FLAG, for Christ’s sake. You didn’t know him. 

But still, he couldn’t deny, there was something about your demeanor. Your witticism. Your bad type. And yeah, maybe he’d sneaked a peek at your ass when you came around from the counter to scold him for smoking. Sue him, he was only human. 

He knew there was more to you. A sweet undertone– like peaches and cream. Also maybe he liked ruffling your proverbial feathers. Just maybe. 

He had asked Tommy about you at school the next day. 

Tommy shrugged, but not before looking over at the corner of the cafeteria where you sat. 

“I don’t know man. She’s hot. But, like, in the way weird girls are hot. You can look, but touching may cost you.” 

Billy didn’t know what that meant. But Tommy was literally too stupid to insult. So he bit back a comment effectuating that he didn’t care and slammed the rest of his can of Coke. 

–

You had seen him before. From his tire-squealing entry into your town, you were certain you’d had him pegged from Jump Street. The chain-smoking, that infernal clink-twhip of his American Flag lighter. The keg stands. The raucous screaming in Steve Harrington’s face.

“Plant your feet, Harrington!”

Plant your feet indeed. Lest you be bowled over with unwanted, obtrusive thoughts of the potential depths of Billy Hargrove’s soul. If such a thing existed.

Seriously, though. Why would he buy a Black Flag album? If there was one thing Billy Hargrove was not, you decided, it was punk rock. 

You’d seen him take his sister to the arcade, and wait for her after school. Was it brotherly affection that motivated these little Babysitter’s Club moments, or was he forced to? Still, you saw the way that girl on the skateboard looked up at her seemingly cool older brother. Like he hung the stars. 

He did brush off Tina after the basketball game last week. And, he bought Black Flag. That man had never listened to Black Flag in all of his life. You were sure of it.

Could he really be all bad? 

–

The semester pressed on. Billy Hargrove at the fringe of your thoughts and your eye-line. Was he trying to talk to you in school?

You had the closing shift at the store again on Saturday. You were in the midst of carrying a box of tapes up the stairs from the storage room when you heard the ding of the bell above the door. You sighed, put the box down, and made your way toward the front to greet the customer. Upon seeing the back of Billy Hargrove’s perfectly coiffed, curly head, you were ready to turn back around and act like you hadn’t seen him. Too late. He clearly knew you were working. 

“Please don’t let it be you,” you groaned. 

“No promises, dollface.” 

You stood in front of him, hands on your hips. 

“So? What can I do for you?”

Billy smirked. “I can think of a few things, sweetheart,” he drawled, quirking a perfectly arched brow just so. You hated that you now noticed these things about Billy Hargrove’s perfectly stupid and stupidly perfect face. 

“I don’t have time for this, Pretty Boy.” 

“When are you off?” He asked.

“After close,” you said. 

“Go out with me.” Billy Hargrove said, now surely unsure of himself.

“And why in the ever-loving-fuck would I do that?” You had to hand it to yourself. You were doing a damn good job of looking like you didn’t care. Meanwhile, your insides were pudding and you were just sure he knew it, too.

“Because you want to. Because I want you to. Because– Because I want to. Because I listened to Black Flag. Because I get your whole thing, plaid skirt and all,” he stated, gesturing vaguely over your person. 

You rolled your eyes, choosing not to answer him. Instead, you diverted. Diversion is good, right?

“Where’s your usual crowd of hairsprayed hangers-on? Or are you always alone after school?”

“Only as alone as I wanna be, doll,” He drawled. 

You’d had to hand it to Billy Hargrove. He could definitely turn a phrase when he wanted to. His crystalline eyes could definitely see right through you. As the flush travelled through your body, taking in his artful smirk and powerful visage, you knew:

Billy Hargrove was going to be the death of you. Like the satisfyingly sweet pour of languid waves of syrup cascading over waffles, drowning you in a beautiful, thick avalanche of a saccharine dream. A powdered sugar kiss dusting over your better senses, coating them in the flush of dripping endearment. 

Surely you could be alone together? The crystal ball and the odyssey. 

Would you go?

tagging bc you inspire me:

@nappingtopknot @ayeayecaptaingally @hey-its-grey @tigerlilynoh @andallthatmishigas @oh-star-how-the-mighty-fall @youngmoneymilla @noturjacky  (If you don’t want to be tagged, feel free to ignore, or tell me firmly -- but possibly politely?? to fuck off) 

[oohfluffy]

DDND Ch.13 | KJI

Group: EXO

Member: Kim Jongin

Theme: Fluff | Dancer!AU | Dormmmate!AU

Word Count: 2,194

❀ Chapter 13: Troublemaker Baby ❀

You woke up at 8 in the morning with a forming agenda in your mind. You quickly went to your own bathroom, brushed your teeth and put your hair in a messy bun.

It was Saturday.

Yep, the Saturday you were so excited to come. (Note the sarcasm)

After freshening up, you went back to your room and went out.

"Oh. Goodmorning, babe."

Your head immediately turned to the voice.

Kai just closed his door and walked towards you, of course, with his famous smirk.

"Y-Yeah. Goodmorning." You stuttered but quickly recovered as you turned your back towards him.

"Hmm." Kai hummed as he matched his pace with you, glancing at your face. You walked faster and reached the end of the stairs.

"You're up early today, huh?" You heard Kai commented as he followed you to the dining area.

You saw that Aunt Sunny made chicken soup for today's breakfast. You went to the fridge and grabbed a huge bottle of water before walking back to the table.

"Uh huh." You said as you sat down in front of him.

You started putting soup on your own bowl and then water in your glass. You started eating, casually taking glances at Kai.

"What the hell, Jongin." You muttered.

Kai just smirked, still staring at you as you eat.

"What? Is it wrong to stare at you?"

"Obviously yes." You snickered, shoving a spoonful of soup in your mouth.

"Why?" Kai asked teasingly as he continued observing you.

"Because I don't like it." You snapped at him before drinking water.

"But I like it, babe."

You shook your head, trying to deny that Kai's spell is working on you.

You thought of anything that you can talk about so it won't be this awkward.

"Oh!" You exclaimed as you remembered why you got up so early.

"What is it?" Kai asked, amused at you sudden outburst. He chewed on the chicken bits he got from his soup before grinning at you.

Why does he always look so seductive?

"I heard that DanWiMu is having its anniversary today?" You started as you placed your glass back on the table.

"Yeah." Kai nodded but tilted his head after. "How'd you know?"

"You know that Tiffany unnie is Sehun's sister, right? So, she told me." You explained.

"Ah."

You gulped. You really wanted to know about his performance with Seulgi but wouldn't that be suspicious?

YAH! Why would it even be suspicious? I'm friends with his partner, so asking would be okay... Right?

"Uhm." You cleared your throat as you looked at him. "You're performing?" You asked, trying to be casual about it.

Kai stared back in your eyes.

Is he trying to read my mind or something? Why is he looking at me like that? Oh my ghad why am I being so paranoid?

And then his lips curved into a smirk.

"Why are you suddenly curious, babe?"

You instantly looked away from his eyes. Your gaze dancing around the house, trying to find anything interesting.

"W-Well.. uhm.."

Your brain was in a mess.

You can even imagine your brain cells running around and bumping onto each other as they find a reasonable explanation.

As you fortunately found it, you looked back at him with a confident smile.

"Well, Joohyuk and Tiffany unnie invited me to go tonight. I was only asking if I'll see you perform..." You said, standing up with your bowl and glass.

"Really?" You heard the playfulness in Kai's voice. You turned your back on him and went to the sink.

"Really."

"Okay then. I'm actually performing with my friend."

Friend?! Daebak.

"Nice." You mumbled, quickly washing your bowl.

"You're not gonna ask who's my friend, baby?"

You almost choked on your saliva at Kai's sudden change of nickname.

Babe? Now baby? Are you trying to kill me now, Kim Jongin?!

"Why would I? I mind my own business, Kai. Please stop calling me—"

"If you don't ask then I'll tell you. Remember the one who I told you I'm meeting with last three days ago? Her name's Seulgi."

Blah blah blah.

You knew you were making faces as he spoke but you admit that you're jealous.

So jealous.

"She just came back from America. She's pretty, heck, she's even a good dancer. I think it's fate that she became my partner—"

You wiped your hands with a towel near you and walked towards the stairs.

"Really? Goodluck then." You said, waving your hand as you went back upstairs.

Kai watched as your figure was out of his sight with a frown but slowly turned into a smirk.

"Aish, what will I do to this girl..." Kai ruffled his hair as he started cleaning the table.

He knew everything.

After all, he wasn't a pole who can't feel anything.

He just hopes you watch him perform.

♫ ❧ ♫ ❧ ♫ ❧ ♫ ❧ ♫

"Wow."

Joohyuk and Tiffany looked at you as if you grew two more heads.

"This is a miracle, Hyuk." Tiffany giggled while Joohyuk just rolled his eyes.

"I think it's just because of one particular dancer though." Joohyuk said, earning himself a flick on his forehead, although you needed to tiptoe and do it.

"Whatever." You mumbled before hopping in Joohyuk's car.

The two followed you in the car. Joohyuk at the driver's seat while Tiffany sat on the passenger's.

"Your mom's okay with you leaving her?" You asked as you carefully put on your lipbalm.

"Yep. My brother's there anyway, so it's fine." Joohyuk answered with a shrug.

Tiffany suddenly turned to you from her seat. You looked back at her with a bored face.

"So what made you change your mind, my dear?" She asked teasingly, her eyes turning into crescents as she grinned. You rolled your eyes.

"Nothing, unnie. Please sit properly."

"Aigoo. Our baby is growing already. Hyuk, what can you say—" Tiffany was cut off as Joohyuk turned the radio on, overpowering Tiffany's voice.

"Yah! That's mean." Tiffany complained, hitting Joohyuk's bicep.

"You're too loud, noona. Stop it."

Your lips just curved into a smile as you closed your eyes.

They're so noisy but I like it.

"Lin, we're here."

You opened your eyes, yawning in the process. You blinked several times before checking your haggard appearance.

"Aish." You mumbled as you brushed your wavy hair.

"Kaja!"

The place was packed.

People were talking, dancing, drinking and whatever you can do in there.

You flinched as someone bumped onto you. You looked at the teens wildly dancing and scoffed. You were about to open your mouth to tell them a lesson about manners when an arm wrapped on your waist, leading you out of the crowd.

"Don't ever try talking to wild teens, hamstie. I'm telling you, you'll be at the disadvantage."

Sehun made you sit beside his sister with a smile.

"Sehun." You greeted with a grin.

"You know, my brother's gonna perform later. I think he'll need a goodluck kiss." Tiffany cooed, nudging you to Sehun, who is currently standing beside you. You glared at her before turning to her brother.

"Well, goodluck, Sehun-ah. We'll totally cheer for you later." You said, making Sehun grin widely.

Your brows furrowed as he tapped his cheek.

"What?" You asked.

Tiffany just giggled as Joohyuk scoffed.

"I thought you're gonna give me a goodluck kiss, hamstie?"

Boom.

There goes your angry red volcano face.

"You want a hit, Sehun-ah?" You threatened with a frown. Sehun laughed as he pinched your cheeks. You tried to bite his hands but he was too fast.

"Okay, okay! Later then?"

You glared at him. Sehun raised his hands in surrender.

"Fine, fine. I'll go now. See you later, guys."

When Sehun was out of sight, Tiffany pouted.

"Why didn't you give my brother a treat? He would've been so—"

"Unnie, please stop being Cupid. I told you, right?" You said with a frown, making Tiffany shut up.

The lights went out, only leaving dim lights on the stage.

The music was turned off as people started going near the stage for the long-awaited performances.

Everyone was silent as a song started playing.

" La la la la la la "

You didn't know how many 'la's were said but 5 girls started dancing in front of the stage, a spotlight focused on them.

" nalkaroun Secret dulleossan yaegin beil soge jeomjeom deo gipeun H-H-Hush mameul gyeonweo ije "

Your eyes widened as you saw a familiar face.

Seulgi.

You also saw the two girl she was with before and another two unfamiliar girls.

Heol. She's really an amazing dancer.

As they continued dancing, Seulgi caught your eyes and winked. You just awkwardly waved with a smile.

You suddenly felt ashamed of your dancing skills.

You looked down on your legs and felt insecure with their thigh gaps.

Geez. What am I doing? So what if I've got no thigh gaps or good dancing skills?

Yeah sure, you don't care.

After their performance, the crowd hasn't calmed down yet when another group danced.

You just focused on your food and ate like there's no tomorrow.

Joohyuk was the one who noticed since Tiffany was ogling at the boys dancing on stage.

"Yah, you alright? Why do you eat like you haven't eaten for a year?" He asked, shouting over the music and screams of the crowd.

You just waved him off as you drank your lemonade.

The music stopped as the next performer gets on stage. Tiffany squealed, kicking you under the table.

"My dongsaeng!" She cheered, pumping a fist on the air. You quickly turned your focus to the person solo on stage.

Sehun was wearing a black cap, a shiny blue and red jacket with a white t-shirt inside, black ripped jeans and nice pair of kicks.

He's so stunning.

You just heard yourself screaming along with the other girls as Sehun started to move with the beat.

Sehun danced to a cool music with his sharp movements and graceful steps, the crowd was like a pack of wolves trying to fight for a huge meat.

You couldn't help but to feel proud of your buddy.

"THAT'S MY BUDDY!" You shouted, making Sehun's eyes turn to you despite the wild screams of the crowd. He winked as he did a hip thrust, in sync with the beat and ending his performance. The crowd shouted for more but Sehun just grinned and threw hearts to the audience.

"Oh goodness." You mumbled, leaning back to your seat. Tiffany wiggled her eyebrows at you as Sehun went back to the backstage.

"He totally went all out tonight! I think it's because of someone~"

You ignored Tiffany and just focused on the next performer.

"Why is it so dark?" You heard Tiffany whine. The place was pure black, even the only dim lights on stage was out.

"Is the electricity out?" You mumbled, grabbing your phone for light.

Your question was answered when the spotlight focused on the two figures, intimately close on stage.

"O. M. G." Tiffany whispered as she figured who was on stage with a girl.

And then the song that made you want to crawl back at home played.

As the first whistle was heard, you bit your lip.

Oh no. Not that song. Not that dance, please.

" 1! 2! 3! "

You knew you didn't want to watch them dance so close with each other, but your eyes just can't stop looking at them.

" ni nuneul bomyeon nan Trouble Maker "

Seulgi touched Kai's chest moving downwards as Kai just watched how her hands move while he's singing.

You were totally breathless.

You didn't even know Kai could fucking sing.

" ni gyeote seomyeon nan Trouble Maker "

Seulgi's voice was so sweet that you winced.

Or is it your jealousy acting up?

" jogeumssik deo deo deo "

Kai's eyes wandered around the place, finding yours in the process. You instantly looked away, Kai's gaze softened before returning to a seductive look.

" galsurok deo deo deo "

Seulgi's fingers tapped his chest.

Urgh. I want to go home. Me and my jealousy, yes.

" ijen nae mameul nado eojjeol su eobseo "

You don't want to know how they danced like a perfect couple.

You don't want to look how Kai looks into her eyes.

It would have been better if you didn't know about Seulgi's feelings.

It would have been better if you're not hurting.

Kim Jongin.

You're such a troublemaker.

You make so many troubles for my heart and mind.

You heard the crowd's cheer got louder when you silently stood up from your seat and put your head lower, so you wouldn't attract much attention.

You heard Tiffany's and Joohyuk's shouts but you just waved and went out of the place.

Why does my heart hurt so much just for that dance?

"Tss. Baby? Babe? Maybe you call her that way too. Friend my ass." You mumbled as you unconsciously wipe your cheeks where tears were streaming down.

What the heck am I crying for? I don't even have the right to do so.

—

❀ Ch.14

[d0gdaze]

9.

Also on AO3

Chapters: 1 . 2 . 3 . 4 . 5 . 6 . 7 . 8 . 9 . (ongoing)

Reddie / Stenbrough

Word Count: 3603

Summary: Eddie Kaspbrak is set up on a date with a friend of a friend, and this Tozier guy is a hot mess. || Stan has feelings. Bill is confused. Long and angsty and may or may not contain a roadtrip. AU - no IT. Characters are 17/18. Set in early nineties. More film based but contains elements from the miniseries and the book.

Content Warnings: strong language | underage drinking / drug use | smoking | mildly sexual implications (no smut) | internalised homophobia | era-typical homophobia | implied child abuse / neglect

Eddie Kaspbrak had made it one entire week without having a breakdown, and he was pretty damn proud of himself.

If he was honest he thought it would have been maybe three days tops before he came to his senses and made Richie take him back home, but it had been a week. Seven whole days of driving in that god awful hunk of metal, showering at truck stops, and eating gas station junk food. Richie had a duffel bag of clothes stuffed behind the back seat that they cycled through, all of Richie's clothes were a couple sizes too big on Eddie and very unlike his usual attire, all graphic t-shirts and denim jeans, but he found himself liking how he looked in them. (The underwear situation was... interesting, to say the least). Or maybe it was just how Richie looked at him when he put them on, he couldn't tell. Eddie would always fall asleep with the seat reclined to the static chords of the radio and Richie's voice and he would wake up to a bright sunrise and a hot cup of coffee (with milk and sugar, this time). He never saw Richie sleep, but he didn't think to ever question him about it. He didn't think to question him about a lot of things, like why he was living off a slowly depleting wad of cash in a plastic bag hidden in the glovebox, or if he actually knew where the hell they were at any point in time. He didn't think to ask about anything, because it had been the best week of his life.

Never in the seventeen years and ten months he had been alive had he felt so, well, alive. And maybe that was due to the adrenaline he got from doing something this rebellious, maybe it was the fact that his mother wasn't lecturing him about everything for once in his goddamn life, maybe his brain was going into overdrive from the nearly all-sugar diet he had been forced to switch to, and maybe it was simply the fresh country air in his lungs when the windows were rolled down, but god, he felt amazing. And Richie, wow, Richie.

Spending an entire week with someone you haven't known for very long, completely alone together, essentially trapped in a confined space, can really only go one of two ways. You will either start to despise them with every inch of your being, and the sound of their voice will irritate you to no end, and after it's over you won't be able to tolerate them ever again. Or, if it goes the other way, you'll start to fall in love with them.

And for Eddie, it was most definitely, unrelentingly, embarrassingly, the latter.

He kept catching himself staring, all starry-eyed and dreamy, at his dark-haired driver, butterflies fluttering around in his stomach, taking in the boys features both sharp and subtle, entranced by the imperfections in his skin and the cracks in his lips and the curls in his hair (he felt strange when he concentrated on his hair too long, as if it was linked to a hazy drunken memory that he couldn't quite remember no matter how hard he tried), and everything he saw he became infatuated with. Richie's free hand would often end up resting on Eddie's thigh or intertwined with his own over the centre console, and he would melt under the contact every time. And they talked about everything, both understanding there wasn't many boundaries at this point, as far as conversation went. Eddie learnt that Richie had been in an amateur rock band in high school where he played guitar and sang, fittingly called Trashmouth, that he always got at least a minor role in the school plays, and that got mostly straight A's, though his ADHD and incessant need to run his mouth gave his teachers a run for their money, and that his parents were the absolute worst and didn't much care for him at all, so he up and ran away in the middle of the night leaving nothing more than a note on the fridge. In return, Eddie told Richie about his mother and her tendency to be extremely overbearing, though to be fair it had died down significantly in the last couple of years due to her discovery of the wonders sleeping pills can do, and how he used to play baseball with Bill, and his mild obsession- er, crush on Christian Slater, and how a girl in a pharmacy had once told him that his asthma medication was not exactly real.

“She was the pharmacist's daughter, and she said that it was all fake. A gazebo, I think she said.”

“Wait, what did she say?”

“I know, right! All fake. I didn't know whether to believe her or not because she was kind of a bitch, but-”

“Gazebo.”

“...That's what I said, yes.”

“Do you by any chance mean placebo, babe?”

“I- what?”

“Placebo, like fake medication that tricks your brain into thinking it's real. A gazebo's like a tent- podium kinda thing... Eds?”

“I've been lied to.”

And when they weren't talking, Richie was singing, and Eddie appreciated this very much. A particular song would come on and Richie would stop dead in the middle of a sentence to turn up the volume and belt out the lyrics. Sometimes Eddie would sing along, if he happened to know it, but most of the time he would just put his feet up on the dashboard and close his eyes, listening contently. His voice suited him well, a little raspy and rough but still smooth and steady, it sounded like heaven to Eddie. But then again, everything about Richie Tozier seemed like heaven to Eddie.

Richie Tozier had made it one week without having a breakdown, but he felt he wasn't going to last much longer.

It took everything in him to keep it together. The last thing he wanted to do was crack in front of Eddie, because geez, Eddie was something special, and he didn't want to mess this up.

He was so anxious that he had barely slept at all, only pulling over way past midnight when his eyelids felt like they were about to collapse, and then it would only be an hour or so before he woke up and started driving again, always before sunrise, always while Eddie was still asleep. He didn't want Eddie to know how little he was sleeping, worried it would cause him to panic and feel unsafe that he was being driven by someone so sleep-deprived, so he put an extra shot of espresso in his coffee and powered through. And when he felt like he was too on edge he sang to calm himself down, or he got Eddie talking and he listened to stories and anecdotes that he would recite about his friends during the years he had been gone. This helped to distract him temporarily from his intrusive thoughts but it didn't stop them, they were still there, mocking and so loud that sometime's he wanted to scream.

But he couldn't break down. Not while he wasn't alone.

Beverly's voice was a regular visitor amongst those thoughts, repeating her last words to him over and over again like a broken record, don't do anything stupid, no fucking excuses, don't fuck this up, i'll never forgive you for it.

The words, the pressure they put him under that left him feeling nauseous and dizzy, it was driving him crazy. Because he knew he was about to do something fucking stupid.

Eddie woke up in the early hours of the morning, the eight morning since he had left home, and instantly knew something was up.

They first thing he noticed were the streetlights, as he blinked his eyes open and allowed his vision to adjust. There hadn't been streetlights on the highway. He turned his head slightly, only seeing the rooftops from his half-laying position. He sat up slowly, stretching his arms out in front of him. Now he could see the houses under the roofs, most of them looking pretty run down and old fashioned, a paint chipping off wooden tilings and torn-up chain link fences kind of deal.

He adjusted his seat forward as he looked out the window, nose crinkled in confusion.

“Rich, why are we off the highway?” he yawned, finally looking over at the boy, who he noticed looked especially rough today though he didn't mention it.

“Well good morning to you too, babe,” Richie jeered, “and we're just making a short pit stop, then we'll get back to it.”

“Pit stop?” Eddie repeated, raising an eyebrow.

“Mhm. Just up here, actually.”

The truck slowed to a stop in front of a particularly run down house. Eddie could see beer bottles scattered across the lawn that was more weeds than grass and a torn up fly-screen door. Richie pulled on the handbrake and switched off the ignition.

“Richie, where are we?” Eddie asked cautiously, pretty sure he already knew the answer. Richie took a sharp intake of air and undid his seatbelt, avoiding Eddie's question as he reached for the door handle. Eddie grabbed his shirt sleeve.

“Rich, don't ignore me.” His voice was low and stern, and Richie slumped back against the seat, turning to face him.

“We're at my- we're at my parents house. I'm just- I gotta go get a few things,” Richie tried to make it sound casual but his his voice was unsteady and he could feel his hands start to shake. “Important things. Ten minutes, in and out. That's all.”

Eddie didn't release his grip from Richie's shoulder. Richie swallowed hard.

“I don't know if you should,” Eddie's eyes darted between Richie and the house, “It doesn't feel safe. What if your parents-”

“C'mon Eds,” Richie took Eddie's hand off his shoulder to hold in his own, “they're probably passed out, they might not even be home. Anyways, I'm used to sneaking around in there,” he laughed at the last part but he could see Eddie wince. He moved his free hand to Eddie's cheek and rubbed a circle with his thumb. “Just stay here. I'll be quick, okay?”

He opened the door and jumped out before Eddie could stop him and started down the driveway of the house.

“Fuck,” Eddie muttered, fumbling to get his seatbelt unclipped. He clambered out onto the pavement just as Richie stepped into the threshold.

The inside of the house was arguably in worse shape than the outside. The faded floral wallpaper was peeling in several places and chipped in many others. Every surface was disorganised and dusty, more empty bottles making up most of the clutter. The carpet was matted and covered in various sizes and colours of stains.

The television was on in the living room, emitting a dull, slightly static drone, and setting flickering shadows on the walls. Richie stepped towards the archway ever so slowly, his breathing so heavy he had to clasp a hand over his mouth. He poked his head around the wall, to see a figure sat up in the recliner, their head rolled back against the top of the chair, letting out a choked snore. He exhaled in relief and started to walk down the hallway when he felt a tap on his shoulder and nearly jumped out of his skin. “Richie, this is dumb, let's go,” Eddie hissed under his breath, and Richie spun around, hands clutched to his chest. “Jesus fucking Christ, Eds, you gave me a heart attack,” he closed his eyes and tried to even out his breathing for a moment. “I told you to stay in the truck.”

Eddie's eyes flicked over to the armchair and his breath hitched in his throat. Richie watched the colour fade from his face and grabbed his shoulders.

“We shouldn't be doing this Rich,” he squeaked, instinctively grasping for his inhaler- which was still in the truck, “we really shouldn't be doing this.”

“He's asleep, he's asleep, he's not gonna wake up,” Richie's voice was hushed and pleading, moving one hand to Eddie's chin and forcing him to look at him, “Eddie, go back to the truck. Please.”

Eddie shook his head, feeling Richie's hand tremble against his skin. Richie exhaled sharply out of his nose and lead Eddie down the hallway.

The room was different to the rest of the house, in the sense that it actually felt inhabited. The walls were covered in band posters and movie posters of all sorts. The bed was pushed against the far wall, covers askew on the mattress. The wooden headboard had been carved into, presumably with a pocket knife, different names and initials and whatnot. There wasn't really much in the way of material possessions, spare an obviously well-loved acoustic guitar sat on a stand in a corner and a few photo frames and aerosol deodorant cans on the dresser. It was small and comfortable and it smelled like Richie, and Eddie found himself calming down.

Richie knelt down next to the bed and pulled out a small suitcase, sliding it towards Eddie and gesturing towards the dresser.

“Just chuck as much as you can fit in there,” he said, and Eddie did as he was told, unzipping the suitcase and pulling open the top drawer, fighting an urge to fold the clothes as he threw them in. Richie laid down on his stomach and tried reaching for something under the bed, stretching one arm out with a muffled groan. He retracted his arm in a huff when he couldn't reach whatever he was looking for and proceeded to manoeuvre the top half of his body under the bed frame. Eddie had nearly cleared the top drawer and had an arrangement of clothing in and around the suitcase (Richie obviously did not care for sorting his clothes and everything was just thrown in together), when his eyes caught something much more vibrant than what Eddie had expected. He held the shirt up in front of him by the collar, stifling a laugh. It was bright orange and patterned with yellow silhouetted palm trees. He spun around, holding the shirt against his chest. Richie emerged from under the bed with an 'aha!', clutching a shoebox. His hair was all dishevelled and the smile fell from his face when he saw Eddie.

“That's not mine,” he sputtered as Eddie bit back a smile.

“Sure it's not,” he teased, “should I pack it anyway? Are you planning on attending a luau in the near future?”

“Shut up,” Richie stood up from the floor and ripped the shirt from his hands, rubbing the fabric between his fingers for a moment before dropping it onto the pile of clothes that had accumulated on the floor. Eddie stepped over and picked up the shoebox that Richie had pulled out.

“I'll save you the shock, it's all weed.”

Eddie nearly snapped his neck when his head shot up, and Richie smirked as his face went white.

“Drugs,” he choked out, leaving his mouth hanging open.

“No babe, weeds from the garden. Yes it's drugs,” he walked over and took the box off Eddie, who snapped his mouth shut and pressed his lips into a line, “and cigarettes. And cash. Important shit.”

Eddie went back to the suitcase, shoving everything in and zipping it shut, but not without a struggle, and Richie grabbed his guitar by the neck and they both headed to leave. They quietly snuck back towards the front door, tiptoeing past the living room where the television was still humming away. They threw everything in the back seat and climbed into the front. Richie smacked his forehead with the palm of his hand.

“Shit, forgot something,” he mumbled, and hopped back out before Eddie could protest, “i'll be two seconds.” He disappeared back into the house, and Eddie sat nervously, fingertips fidgeting in his lap.

Richie crept back to his room and across to his dresser. There were three photo frames, two were of him, Bev, Bill, and Stan back when they were kids, and one of just him and Bev. He smiled to himself, fingers tracing over their faces, before he picked them up in a stack.

“You got a lot of nerve in you, boy.”

Richie felt his throat closed up instantly as he turned around. His father stood in the doorway, half-leaning against the wall, eyes glazed over and drunkenly heavy, his stare burning into Richie's skin. He was wearing jeans and a shirt that may have once been white but definitely wasn't anymore, and he was all skin and bones under his clothes. His face was hollow and sunken and creased, planted with a permanent sneer displaying crooked yellowing teeth, and his hair was dark and thin, what was still there, that is.

“Hiya Pops,” Richie forced a sickly grin, his voice course and uneven, “thought I'd drop back in to see ya.”

Wentworth Tozier took an unsteady step forward, raising one accusatory bony finger towards his son. Richie automatically shifted into a fighting stance, his hands hovering in front of him, prepared to make a move if he had to, and he could smell the rotten beer coming from the man's mouth even from across the room.

“I told you, if you leave, then you don't come back,” he slurred, his voice low and gravelly, and Richie thought he would prefer if he was shouting. Shouting was always just shouting. It was when his voice was lowered that led to-

“And now you come back, and you steal from me,” Richie felt himself shrinking with every word, despite being taller than his father, he felt like he was about to be crushed, “and you think I won't notice.”

He took another unbalanced step forward and Richie's eyes went to the doorway, mentally planning out his route so he could make a run for it. The stench intensified as the source drew closer, and he felt that he might start gagging.

“You know I'd love to stay, dad, but I should probably get going now,” he tried to joke but his mouth was uncomfortably dry and it came out as a ragged whisper.

“Don't be a fucking smartass, Rich,” he raised a calloused hand above his head and Richie flinched, lifting his arms up to cover his face, still clutching the photo frames so hard that they were making indents in his palms. Wentworth grinned and snickered. “Fucking coward. Always have been.”

Richie took the opportunity to escape, using all the strength he could to shove past, and bolted to the front door. He practically leapt off the porch, struggling to keep his footing, and stumbled hurriedly to the truck, not looking back until he had his hand on the driver side door handle. He expected his father to appear in the threshold, fuming and shooting daggers with his eyes.

But he didn't.

The house remained completely void of movement, and he stood, nearly panting, the lenses of his glasses fogging up due to tears he wasn't aware he was crying.

Eddie watched from the passenger seat, not knowing what to do, not knowing what to say, or if he should say anything at all. He chose to stay quiet.

Richie stared into the house, waiting, just waiting for something. He stood there, trembling but otherwise frozen, for what felt like hours.

Richie Tozier had made it one week without having a breakdown.

“FUCK YOU,” he shouted, his voice cracked and dry and strained and terrified, “FUCK. YOU.”

He collapsed on the pavement, his legs simply too weak to hold him up any longer. He dropped the frames on the ground and flung his glasses off his face, sobbing and wailing into his hands, pulling his hair as he did, hard enough to shoot pain all over his scalp. Eddie got out and rushed over to the sidewalk, and Richie grabbed onto his shirt as soon as he knelt down close enough, pulling him forward and burying his face in Eddie's chest. Eddie wrapped his arms tight around his shoulders, stroking Richie's hair, feeling the sobs wracking through his body, keeping his eyes glued on the doorway.

“I'm so fucking sorry,” Richie whimpered through a shuddered breath, “I shouldn't have brought you here, I shouldn't have- FUCK-I-

“Shh, you're okay, babe, it's okay,” tears were brimming in his own eyes and he felt utterly useless.

“I'm a fuckup,” Eddie can feel Richie's tears soaking through his shirt and onto his skin, “I'm so stupid, fuck. I'm so fucking sorry.”

Eddie didn't say anything, just pressed his face into the top of Richie's head and pulled him tighter.

Richie eventually released his death grip on Eddie's shirt collar, and picked himself up. Eddie went to get his glasses, which had landed about three feet away, and the photo frames, while Richie achingly dragged himself up into the drivers seat.

“Do you want me to drive for a while?” Eddie asked before he could close the door.

“You can drive?” Richie wiped his nose with his sleeve, eyes still red and puffy, “You've just been using me as a taxi service all this time, huh? Not cool babe,” he jokes, and flashes a crooked smile. “Do you want me to or not?” Eddie laughs, and Richie nods before hopping out and moving to the passenger side.

Eddie had to readjust the seat and mirrors and it took a few tries before the engine started but soon they were on the road again.

[demosthenes46-blog]

The boy who owned the world NOVEMBER 26, 2017 · FRIENDS The boy who owned a world By Josh Maynard Intro April 2020 People are dying. 2/3s of the worlds population has succumbed to an unknown virus. All humans above age 19 are dead. Corpses lie still in their cribs. Elderly lie eternally asleep in their beds. It all started 3 days ago, the flash. Children are waking up from their coma. Milk is sour. No power. Mommy and daddy smell bad. This is the new beginning. Adults have desecrated the Earth. So, the virus only attacked fully developed brains. Chapter 1 0810 Hours “Everything is fucked man, so fucked!” Eric mumbled as he pulled his red flyers wagon down the street. He stopped at a street light and out of habit looked both ways. Warily he crossed the street. Gunshots can be heard in the distance. the familiar pops that would resemble fireworks brought only death. “Damn kids” he spat in the direction on south Freetown. Eric would be turning 15 this year. Like it mattered, he thought. No more birthday candles. They were too valuable. After a few brisk minutes he reached a partially looted liquor store. He silently laughed at the broken registers and lotto machines. Damn kids. Curiously he made his way down the aisle pulling cans off the shelves. First aid and medical supplies went into the wagon as well. Candy bars, ramen noodles, and even pet food all came off the shelf. He suddenly stopped. He stopped right in front of the huge beer cooler. Shrugging a “what the hell” he grabbed a few cases. Eric managed to haul over 100lbs of supplies back to his house. His dads truck still in the garage. His moms eco friendly hatchback was still in the driveway. After putting his wagon away he grabbed his .22 rifle and his fathers .38 special tucking it in his waist band. After grabbing some pretzels and 12 pack he made his way to the front porch. While sitting in the rocking chair he began to whistle one of his fathers favorite bands songs. Eric solemnly took out a pack of malboros and lit one. While exhaling a large cloud of smoke he screamed “FUCK THIS” taking a final swig of his beer, he threw the bottle into the street. Not shedding a single tear. 3 hours later Eric awoke to the sound of screaming. No, laughter? He lazily opened his eyes to see a few kids playing soccer in the middle of the street. A few boys and girls his age while toddlers watched from the curb. The twins were team captains. Obviously, Eric snorted. Grabbing another cigarette he made his way to the street. The automatic gates didn’t work so he used a manual gate next to his mother’s rose bushes. Earlier he had wrapped all of his bike chains around the gate to further secure it. If he at 10 years old knew how to pick a lock then he could count on other degenerates knew too. After undoing all the chains several kids noticed Eric. “Eric! Finally the master of disaster wakes up!” one of the twins piped up. It was Harry, the boy, all long flowing locks of fiery red hair. “What’s up fire crotch?!” Eric replied. Soon all the little ones crowded Eric squealing and hugging his legs. “We rescued a lot of kids today” Sara mentioned as he made her way through the small crowd. “While you were shut in your castle”. Sarah gave him a peck on his cheek. “We thought…..” her gaze fell low “We thought you were fish food man!” Harry exclaimed “But look at you! Smoking AND drinking. Wow. Hey wheres all the warm beer?” Eric put his thumb behind him “I put it in the pool”. At the mention of a pool the kids all stopped playing with the ball. “Well fuck this! Me first!” Harry yelled pushing past all the little ones “Take him hostage sis, hes all yours!” he screamed just as an army of children began to run behind him. Eric smiled, my little army, he thought. “So hot shot, what’s the plan?” he turned to see Sarah in white shorts and a yellow blouse. The wind was whipping her hair across her shouders. She and her twin brother were 16. Sarah and Eric swapped their V-cards together just that summer. “Well Darling” he said between puffs “I guess we take over the world” laughing he locked the gate and slid his arm around her waist. Together they made their way to the pool. “Don’t drink it all asshole!” Eric yelled as Harry grabbed his another beer. “Relax bro, ill go get you a whole store!” Harry replied. They both fell back in their lawn chairs laughing. “Is this the life or what?” Harry asked “Despite the fact I forgot we have no parents, its been alright” Harry whistled a somber tune. “Yeah, our dad was an ass so we put him in the county dump” Harry replied gleaming “ Fuck-em” he whispered as he took another swig. “So captain whats the plan? I mean, how do we live? Obviously we cant take care of all these little bastards” Harry mentioned while he waved his hand at the pool. The pool was filled with more then 50 screaming and laughing kids. They all had forgotten for the time being that they had awoken to dead parents days before. Eric smiled at Harry “I guess we can drop them off in the woods somewhere—OWWW” “Sarah punched Eric in the shoulder “Well? Do you have any ideas princess?” Eric said turning towards her. She was rubbing her temples while in deep thought. “We need them…” she finally said “We need an army” Harry began to laugh but quickly fell silently, no one else thought it was funny. “Your serious?” said Eric, she turned to him “ Its time babe. We’re taking over”. Eric lifted his beer and chugged the rest in one gulp, “Si vis pacem para bellum” he whispered. Chapter 2 A few months later Cars had now been parked to block the ends of the street. After Eric dispatched Harry to the local hardware store to get generators. The wall was being built. Tony was named head engineer. Tony was 13 and still in love with legos so to Eric it was a no brainer to charge him with building a wall. He now supervised 8-15 year olds as they cut and nailed new sections. Eric drove by in his Hummer. “Hey Tony the tiger, hows the progress?” he asked stepping out. Tony grimaced, “ Im not gunna lie Er, we are way behind. That last attack from the Baron’s set us back. We are now using fire retardant wood and aluminum roofing to cover the wood. At least the gate anyway. The vulneralbities are the alley’s and the sewers”. Eric was writing in his notebook. “ Anything else to report?” Tony looked sideways “Well, one of the new recruits is causing some trouble” At this Eric looked up “Trouble?” Tony sighed “She causing some dissention with the younger ones, he goes by Striker” Eric spat at the ground “Son of a bitch” he pulled out his radio “Base 1, this is golden eye over” his radio crackled “Golden eye we read you, what’s your 20? Over”. The kids had raided a police station armory and found radios with code books. “Find out who is in charge of our new guppies (recruits) and bring them all to the hall of justice, over.” Eric said “Roger wilco sir, over and out”. Eric kicked a rock “To the torture chamber we go”. He climbed behind the wheel of the truck and sped off grinding his cig mouth. “Attention on deck!” Lt Gaby screamed. “ At ease” Eric barked. The whole room sat at Eric’s command. “ Lt, give me the list of guppies” Gaby promptly handed over a list of this week’s workers. Striker was last on the list. “Guppie Striker?” Instantly a frail blonde girl stood. She was about his height with green eyes and a very extenuating bust. Shit, Eric thought, he assumed it was a male. “Seize her” 4 guards responded and cuffed her. “Bring her here” Eric commanded, the guards led her without protest to the front of the hall and sat her in the Truth Chair. “Guppies DISSMISSED!” Eric bellowed, Lt Gaby began to bark orders and led them back to work detail. As the last recruit left Eric told the guards to wait outside. “Id rather blow you then get raped” Striker spat in rebellion as he walked behind her. “Who do work for?” Eric simply asked ignoring her provoke, “What?” Eric slapped her hard “Argh, I don’t WORK for anyone you jackass!” Striker screamed. “Why all the bullshit on the wall then!? Your speech is a cancer” Eric retorted as he began to lose his cool. He stayed behind her “I was only talking shit!” She screamed, she smelled good Eric thought as he leaned into her ear “Liar liar pants on ….” He then proceeded to lift a can and pour precious gasoline all over her body “….Fire”. Pity, she smelled so nice. She was screaming and thrashing but chains held her down. He circled her and took out a cigarette, light it and inhaled. “Look ill do whatever you want ok? Ill do whatever you want, please!” she was crying hard now, it gave Eric a thrill to hear her beg. “Tell me, who…..do….you….work….for” He breathed out his smoke so thick she began to cough “Fine FUCK, FINE! Fuck! Ill tell you! But I cant go back there! Please! They will kill me!” She screamed as Eric lit another match. “Who will?” Eric whispered as he slowly circled her. “The fucking jackets!” this puzzled Eric. The Yellow Jacket football team, he thought. Shit. “Guards!” Eric sat down, hands in his lap patiently studying Strikers face. She looked like an animal caught in a trap. The gas worked every time. If she only knew it was a cup of gas poured in a gallon of water for the smell. He smiled as moments later the Hall’s door was filled with guards. “Put her in solitary” He nodded to Striker “Brig, bread and water 3 days. That’s it.” Just as he finished his command Sarah burst through the front double doors with her honor guard trialing her. Oh shit, thought Eric. Sarah walked right up to Striker and punched her in the throat. Striker, still tied in the chair, fell gasping for breath still attached to the Truth chair. “Why wasn’t I notified immediately? Shes a fucking spy?!” Eric looked like he was actually 15. He then looked her straight in the eye and told her the truth “I didn’t want to risk it over the radios” Sarah kicked Striker in the stomach “And that’s for soliciting yourself on my man bitch!”. Between gasps Striker managed a weak “Fuck you..” Sara scoffed and began to try and stomp her face but Eric quickly intervened. “Stop Sara!” She looked back at him incredulously “We need her!” He urgently whispered. “Shes from a new gang, that football team from Glenbard High? Yellow Jackets apparently. That school is a fortress! Fuck a wall. That place could be our capital! We are close to 800 strong and climbing everyday….we need to expand” Eric then lightly kicked the now unconscious girl on the ground. “Shes our golden goose” It took Sara a few seconds to contemplate this and then suddenly jumped on Eric “ Oh Darling this is why I love you!” She blurted in between kisses. “Ahem” a cloaked figure appeared in the Hall’s doorway. “Come now children, daddy’s home!” a familiar Harry swept off his cloak in a kingly manner. “Scary Harry! My man, how goes it?” Harry lit a cigar and dragged a huge toke. “Well, the campaign is going well, we brought an additional 76 guppies in. But even better are our raids. I put the preliminaries on your desk Governor, ill tell you this, we hit em hard” Sarah released her grip on Eric “How hard?” She breathed slowly. Harry took his time “Uhhh…about 10,000 gallons of fuel” Eric’s cigarette fell from his mouth. Sarah ran to her brother and picked him up in a excited embrace. “You little devil you! How!? A transport?” she set him down “Of course my horse! We were raiding the airport when our scouts spotted a few Baron’s guarding a jet and a truck. Our snipers took out the gurads and when we searched the plane. Nothing but this white powerdy stuff. Looks like coke?” “Celebration?” Harry asked his lifetime best friend. “Its time to kill the fatted calf” Eric said with a smile. It was going to be a very good day after all. “Governor! Eric wake up!” Eric opened one eye, it was Lt. Gaby. “Yeah yeah im awake, whats the matter?” Gaby gave him a report “Is this true?” Gaby nodded “Ever since Sparrow (Stanley) put out that radio signal our radar is picking up thousands of kids and vehicles alike”. Shit, he thought, too soon. “Get me my gun and hail Cmdr Sarah and Cmdr Harry NOW!” Gaby quickly saluted and ran barking orders. Within minutes Sarah and Harry had Alpha Teams swarming the banisters. “I want snipers on every fucking roof damn it!” Eric yelled into his throat mike “And someone bring me some coffee!” Eric reached in his pocket and sniffed some sugar, he was floored. “Gaby, get processing teams down there now!” Eric knew first hand what could happen if close to 2,000 kids got riot worthy. Processing teams pushed through the huge make shift camp. Gaby got a p.a. “Males on the left side of the street and females on the right” Medical teams were then dispatched to triage the new kids. “We cant let them all in Eric, there’s not enough supplies” Harry said as he looked at the huge crowd. Reports were coming in that thousands were being added. “Then we build more walls. Send out more raid parties.” Harry looked away in anger “You have no idea what its like out there do you Er? How many good guys and girls ive lost trying to feed these outsiders” He spat as he waved his hand over new guppie crowd. “You and Sarah are living in this fantasy….you CANT save the world.” Eric knew Harry was right. They couldn’t keep on taking in every new guppie that they found. They were already at max capacity. They needed to expand. And he knew just the place to annex. Now was his chance. “Sarah, call the council together and Gaby?” “Yes, capt?” “Make sure these migrants have bread and water. Keep em happy” Gaby then replied a few seconds later “ Uh sir, theres a leader here who calls himself Josiah, he would like a word” Sarah looked at him with conern but Harry volunteered “Ill go baby sit the prophet” Harry said laughing as he climbed down the banister. “He’s a tough SOB that one!” Eric said as he watched Harry entreat this leader to succumb to his world. They both entered the gates minutes later arm over each others shoulder. He was a red head. Damn irish, Eric thought as he chuckled. “Well, you have your army Darling, whats next?” Eric pulled another cigarette from his almost empty pack. “We are gunna take that fucking school” Chapter 3 “8 days later” *Eric and Harry are on a hill ½ mile from Redwood High. Eric has a spotters scope & Harry is staring down a Barret .50. Both are dressed in camo. Its been two says since last relocation. Eric cant stop smoking. He worried about his young sniper team. Most of his team consisted of teenagers trained on video games of violence and gore. Bravo and Alpha teams consisting of 5 guppies contained a comms, medic, assault, and sniper team were stationed in the North and Charlie and Delta were moving in from the East & West. An entire storm trooper army was stationed just outside the Yellow Jackers radar about 2 clicks south, about 2k strong in the FOB* “There he is…” Eric, alert and hyperviligant, whispered. “The queen bee himself, range?” Harry asked “400 yards” Eric whispered. “Fuck man I cant make that shot!” Harry said setting down his rifle. “This is way different then COD bro, we got wind and drop to factor in” Eric whipped out a compass and wind navigator and ran the numbers. “Shoot 8 inches to the left and 5 inches above your target” Eric said to Harry. “Seriously?” Harry spat incredoulous. “Dead serious, simple calculus my friend, x is always moving” Whispered Eric. He watched through his spotters lens as the Queen Bee drank some hot liquid on the roof. “All units prepare for execute, on my mark, fire fire fire……” Erics words were muffled by thunderous crack of lightning. “WEAPONS FREE!” Eric yelled into his throat mike. Infantry units on dirt bikes, ATV’s, and trucks with .50 came barreling from all units and entire buses full of grunts began to appear on the horizon. The siege lasted 45 min. Multiple units began to engage the Yellow Jackets on the 1-4 floors of the school. Tear gas and smoke filled the courtyards. The ill prepared YJ did not stand a chance against riot gear and gas. Many young militants fell in the first few minutes. Medics were dispatched to patch up the wounded. Enemies were captured and rounded up in a make shift camp. After the intial stages of the invasion, the battle was over. A white flag was shown from the Gym of the school which served as HQ. The Gym was full to the brim with over 1,500 kids. “Cease fire!” Harry commanded over his mike. “Infantry, secure the perimeter, Flood the tunnels and seal the gates. No one in or out. Process all citizens of the YJ colony and get medical teams to triage the survivors.” Eric barked into his mike. “Sniper teams, your on overwatch duty, if you see a weapon in the hands of the enemy, terminate them” CRACK Harry slumped over. His face hit the cold ground with a sickening thud. Everything happened in slow motion. Eric’s initial assement assumed his wound was fatal. Crawling over, he deduced that the round had grazed his ear and rendered him unconscious. “FUCK EVAC ON MY POSITION NOW! I need artillery on that roof now! Mobile units, put suppressive fire on those banisters! SOMEBODY PUT A FUCKING BIRD IN THE SKY!”

[firsttimeihadsomethingtolose]

Nightmares

Hi everyone!

So i’m new to writing Shawn fanfic’s so feedback would be great! although i do write fanfic’s for this blog,it’s been a long time coming.But i finally wanted to give it shot i’m still rusty so go easy on me! haha.To the anon that requested “Jealous Shawn” i’m still working on it! requests can be sorta difficult as in how to start it off or for me to have it meet your expectations.But i promise it’ll be up soon!

This short story was inspired by a dream i had,or nightmare.And i just had to put it on paper or write it.I hope you like it.

xoxo

Jasmine

It was late,too late.And yet here i laid in bed after another sleepless night,again.I looked over to the side of the bed and saw Shawn still peacefully asleep.A smile immediately crept onto my face as i watched his soft snores make his perfect curls move.I wouldn’t dare wake him for my own selfish reasons,especially when he’s just got back from his European leg of the tour.Sleep was something he definitely needed even though he begged to differ at times.I sighed running my fingers through my hair,then carefully tipped toed my way out of our shared bed.Unfortunately sleep was not on today’s agenda for me.I manged to sneak safely out of the bedroom and into the bathroom to wash the beads of sweat on my face.Opening the facet,the cool water made me feel instantly relieved.I grabbed a towel and almost scared myself as i saw my reflection in the mirror.The dark circles still relevant under my eyes,along my with my skin looking paler then usual nightmares i mumbled to myself.For some odd reason they’ve become my reality for the past week.It also didn’t help not having Shawn’s presence here,but i seemed to mange and not have him notice.He had just arrived back home yesterday and i couldn’t be more excited to have some time with him before he’s off again.But the last i wanted was to worry him when he already has so much on his plate.Funny thing is i even try to recall these nightmares trying to piece them together,as if its some sorta jig saw puzzle I had to solve.It also didn’t help when i had to leave my social media accounts due to nasty comments from fans and articles.Not all were bad but some really took a toll on me.Shawn had advised me to stay off until things were back to normal.To which i don’t even know what is “normal” is anymore.Exiting the bathroom i walked into the kitchen taking out my favorite ice cream from the freezer,a guilty pleasure i have when i can’t sleep.I pulled a stool out and sat at the kitchen bar,taking off the lid of the no other Ben and Jerry’s chocolate therapy aka my weakness.My mouth watering at the sight as i took a spoonful and let it melt slowly in my mouth.A few minutes had passed and i was too busy in my own delight when i looked up to see Shawn slugged over the kitchen wall.He was shirtless and in a pair of loose sweats,his messy curls framing his perfect face.Along with his eyes barely opened as he was squinting but gave a small smile before walking over to me,My favorite kind of Shawn.

“You caught me” I shrugged giving him a half smile.He said nothing but pulled a stool next to mine,taking his own spoonful of ice cream and into his mouth.

“Mmmm” He moaned slowly taking the spoon out from his mouth backwards.And i must say it was a sight that even a sleepy Shawn made look hot.I chucked softly in response playfully nudging his chest and looked down not wanting to meet his eyes.Shawn instantly taking note that something was off.But instead of confronting me he held my hand bringing them to his lips instantly sending shivers to my body.

We sat in a comfortable silence taking turns eating ice cream,nearly getting brain freeze in the process.Little moments like this was something i appreciated about us.We didn’t have to say a word,we just fed off each others body language,our eyes meeting was like a open book into each others souls.But i knew i couldn’t avoid him forever,and as if on cue he finally cleared his throat catching my attention.

“So…” He started off his face serious as i finally met his eyes.

“So…” I mocked playing with the spoon inside the container.Shawn didn’t reply again instead he waited patiently for my response.In that moment i froze and began fidgeting,another bad habit of mine when i was nervous.Unfortunately Shawn wasn’t backing down,and i could feel him staring at me although i still avoided eye contact.

“It’s nothing” I said quietly.I turned to him again intertwining our hands trying to make my vague response reassuring.

“Really? This is nothing” Shawn pointed to my now empty Ben and Jerry’s container,chuckling.

“It’s just a little too much” I stated shrugging my shoulders.Shawn said nothing just simply nodded,immediately catching my drift.I knew from the start that dating Shawn came with a price and lots of sacrifices,but i’m beginning to question if i can handle it all.Things just weren’t normal anymore,going out in public,receiving weird stares and whispers behind my back.And to top it all off having Shawn away most of the time didn’t help.I tried burying myself into school and work,or even friends.But in the end no one could relate to me and my chaotic life.And the one person that can was out there doing what he loves.

“Come here” Shawn held his arms out as i collapsed into his strong arms my tears falling and all the stress rippling out of my body.I tried to be strong for both of us,but i can’t not now.

“It’s ok” Shawn soothed rubbing my back in circular motions.

“I can’t sleep” My voice came out muffled as i gripped onto Shawn’s shoulders for support.

“I know hun, i know.I’m so sorry.” 

“We’re going to be ok,you’ll be ok” He pulled away,wiping to the tears for my red brimmed eyes.He looked apologetic as if he were the one to blame,for this,for me,for all the stress.The thought that he could even blame himself broke my heart altogether.

“Don’t you dare” I shook my head in disbelief.”It’s not your fault.”I sniffled wiping my eyes.

“I know,it’s just-” He concentrated trying to find the right words.”People are just assholes” He said bluntly.Making me erupt into a fit of giggles for some reason,I palmed my face shaking my head.

“What?” He asked innocently.

“What’s so funny huh?” He grabbed me poking at my sides,getting me at my weak spots.

“Oh if the mende’s army caught that,you’d be another meme on their list.” I walked away disposing of the ice cream container,placing the spoon in the sink,

“I still don’t even know what that is.” Shawn shouted back defeated.

“Guess you’ll never know” I winked crawling onto his lap,planting a soft kiss on his lips,then patting him on the head.

“Don’t start something you can’t finish.Shawn warned wiggling his eyebrows.I rolled my eyes in response lightly mushing his face.Of course that would be on his mind,boys.

“Come on let’s go somewhere” Shawn said out of nowhere.Making my forehead crease in confusion.

“Where? it’s like 2am” I giggled pointing to the time on the microwave.

“Anywhere” He said simply,his expression filled with excitement.

“I don’t know..” I teased pondering the idea with a smile on my face,Shawn’s faltering with his now puppy eyes.

“That’s not fair” I pointed out,squeezing his cheeks with both my hands making a fishy face.

“It’s not,but i think i’m winning.” He said confidently.I gasped whacking him in the chest.Before i knew my body was swung over Shawn’s back as he carried me back to our bedroom.

“Shawn! this is NOT fair put me down!” I tried wiggling at his grasp,unfortunately failing.Shawn smiling devilishly spanking my ass in the process.

“I hate being small” I groaned giving up on my escape letting my arms go limp onto his muscular back.And i swore i felt Shawn’s chest booming trying to hold back in his laughter.He finally placed me on our bedroom floor,as i crossed my arms over my chest.Shawn dashed around the room throwing a pair of sweats and a hoodie at me.

“Come on don’t be a downer” He teased pulling his own hoodie over his head,grabbing his car keys.

We spent the rest of the night-or morning driving around.Not particularly knowing where our destination would be,and not particularly caring.We blast the radio and sang our favorite songs,even if it was horrible.Or the fact that we may have woken up the whole neighborhood together.We went to our favorite fast food place,sitting in the parking lot just talking.I ranted on about my life without him for the past couple of months,and in return he told me all about tour.The crowd,the exhaustion and of course ridiculous pranks him and guys pulled off every night.I didn’t believe him before,But as the sun started to come up,and i laid my head on Shawn’s chest.I realized this is what i needed,Shawn was all i could ever need.And maybe just maybe,things will be ok.