#this show has been jumping so many sharks

[noivoom]

I AM??? SCREAMING WHAT THE HELL

I WAS RIGHT?!?! All those months ago when I came up with my own little crack theory that the Trash Can Man and Creator were related somehow... IT WAS A JOKE WHAT DO YOU MEAN I WAS RIGHT

[donutz]

Sebastian Solace accidently meeting reader

Sebastian was looking for items resulted in seeing you

— Sebastian actually doesn't do that, he just comes across them and uses it for sales

Warnings: Non human reader; Reader is 11'4, taller than Sebastian!!; Reader has a small tail, that's hidden under there clothes; Reader isn't naked, you have clothes on yay!!; You have 4 extra eyes from being mixed with a spider; Bad words, again

Here's a body reference I drew, with a mouse!! ^_^ It's not that good but i tried my best ,^^ the tiny text says spider

“Ugh, these doors are so small”.. You thought.

You had to crouch through them, every. Single. Time. Why not bust out of a window? You looked at the wide glass to your left, thinking. Yeah why not.

Jumping through it, you realized that those were really weak windows. They might as well have been just the wall if they were really that weak! You would think that they were tempered at least.

You swim and swim, occasionally stopping to peer into the rooms. Sometimes you’d even knock on the windows to look at the squiddles. The other monsters never appeared, but those ones did.

After passing through many walls and windows, you look into another room. Seeing a tall humanoid like creature just sliding through.

Wait what.

You do a double take, not expecting another one to look like you.

Slightly swaying your legs, you move towards the glass. Putting your hands on it. You can only see the backside of him, looking him up and down. Just out of interest and curiosity.

He stops searching through the drawers and turns to his side, not seeing you. He moves to the next room, and you move right with him. It seems like he’s looking for items.

He looks at the window anddd.. Flinches back, with his palm facing you right in front of his chest. You hear his mumbled yell through the glass.

You wave.

As if you didn’t just startle him.

Smiling really wide, just no teeth showing, your small tail wagging.

You hear him curse. Uhm.. You move to the side and break the window with your fist,

“Oops” You say after putting your head through the hole.

Turning your head, you were going to say hello, but he was gone! You break through the window using your whole body, and fix it up with your… Powers!

“Come back”! You shout, crawling through the doors, each time you did, you saw him.

“GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME”!!

That wasn’t a very good first meeting, but it happened again. You saw him again. And again. And again. You know the drill by now yeah?

By the fourth time, he wasn’t phased.

Sigh, “Are you trying to get on my nerves or something”?

“How? I just want to see you”!

His face scrunches in confusion, “What”.

“I said I just wanted to see you! You’re only making yourself more mad with that temper of yours”.

His face fell monotone, ignoring you as he slithered through the doors.

You followed right behind him, or next to him. He didn’t want you behind him just in case you decided to do something dirty.

You observe him everytime he searches through the drawers, checks under them, and looks through the lockers.

While he was searching through a drawer, you asked a question.

“Why do you search for the items ‘n stuff”?

He closes the drawer, standing up. He turns around to face you.

“Why are you still here with me”?

“You didn’t answer my question”.

“You didn’t answer mine”.

You giggle, “You’re funny, Sebastian”.

He looks surprised that you even know his name, clenching his fists he yells out—

“HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME”?!

Now it’s your turn to look surprised. 

“From a certain shark”.

He scowls, ‘Dang it Eyefestation’.

“Anywho now that I answered yours, you answer mine”.

“You still didn’t answer my other question”.

“Then let’s take turns”.

You two stared at each other. Each stares having different meaning.

One with danger, confusion, and a small chance of fear.

The other with interest and sincerity.

One not being able to tell if it’s a mask.

The other being able to tell that One is scared.

“... Fine. It’s for my shop that I hold for the other players. Now what about you? Why are you still here with me”?

“Well it’s because I find you quite interesting really. I haven’t seen any other creature—”

‘Creature’?

“— Like you. You seem kinda on edge and I want to get to know you. Personally, I think you have a very kind heart”.

‘Kind heart? What the hell are you even saying’..

Your smile stays on your face, not once lingering. Your left hand gently grips your right wrist while both arms are behind your back. You sway side to side.

“Is your question answered Sebastian”?

“Don’t call me that”.

“Then what should I call you”?

“... Solace. Call me Solace”.

“Oh that’s a nice name. It kind of matches with your icy nature”.

Ughh. He verbally groaned. He slithered over to the next door, going through it, with you of course, following behind him.

Going through a few more doors, you ask—

“Can I see your shop”?

“Yeah fine, whatever. There’s no point since you probably don’t have any data anyways”.

“You use data as a currency? For what”?

“You ask—... Nevermind, yeah, I do. It’s so I could blackmail Urbanshade”.

He halfway turns his head to look at you, stopping.

“You’re not going to use that against me, a- are you”?

‘Shit’.

Your smile falters, realizing that he’s serious. And afraid.

“Of course not! I don’t even know what that is anyways”. You smile.

His mouth slightly opens, surprised.

“You- You’re not one of their experiments”?

“No! I was born like this! My parents were the experiments, but then I escaped”.

Sebastian didn’t say anything. How could you say that so— so happily?! A- And right in front of him too! You two just met h- how could—... How could you trust him so EASILY?!

After a bit of silence, you moved on.

“Anywayss!! I wanna see your shop! Show me”!

You walk ahead, leaving Sebastian standing there by himself baffled. Before he shakes his head and continues to move.

Eventually you two find his shop and you chill.

You see his documents on the table and question him, asking who’s documents are those. He tells you that they’re his.

“Can I buy em”?

“You got 1000 data”?

“I got my backstory”!

“... Sorry, data’s the only currency”.

“Oh man :(”

I read all of this and this seems like a quick read :(

[andromeda-nova-writing]

A Sticky Situation

Wriothesley x Fem! Reader

Summary: With the sticker count rising higher and higher that week, it has finally reached a point where Wriothesley needed it to slow down for his sanity.

Words: 1,766

AN: I love stickers. I want to join Sigewinne in her bet.

Wriothesely had found what had to be the fifth sticker he had peeled off of his jacket just that morning alone. Not to mention it was the forty-second sticker that week and it was only Thursday morning. Usually, this prank from Sigewinne and the other Melusine wouldn’t bother him too much. It was harmless after all. But Forty-Two Stickers??? All in the same week?

Was it always this many and people were taking them off for him without telling him in pity? No, he would have noticed that if that was the case. It wasn’t like Sigewinne also had more Melusine friends visiting her more than normal. Maybe he really was a bad influence on Sigewinne if her bets had gone this far. Hopefully, that would be the extent of his influence and nothing else.

The one question he couldn’t get out of his mind besides how they were getting so many stickers was, where they were getting so many stickers from. It wasn’t like they got this many stickers sent down here from the overworld or that Sigewinne had the time to make so many stickers. And he hadn’t seen many of Sigewinne’s friends come to the Fortress of Meropide that week. It had to be Sigewinne who was currently winning that bet.

None of it made sense at this point. And what didn’t make even more sense was that he just found a sixth sticker on his boot. Maybe it was time to at least slow her pranks down. He wouldn’t stop them but this was starting to get disruptive. At least make her understand not to sticker on the leather of clothes. It never felt like it cleaned off right. He just hoped by bringing it up the sticker amount would go down instead of jumping it up higher as a challenge.

Making his way out of his office he took a glance around his surroundings. A peak over at the cafeteria had him spotting exactly who he wanted to talk to. Sigewinne was talking to her pharmacist friend from the overworld, a lovely woman who had taken it upon herself to sub in to try and help give Sigewinne a break to join her Melusine friends in the overworld. It made Y/N quite helpful as well if Sigewinne ever requested a set of extra hands as she was more comfortable around the Fortress than anyone else they would send down.

She flipped through a book leaning down just enough to show Sigewinne without causing her to strain her neck. Whatever the two were discussing had caused them to laugh aloud. “Personally, this one is my favorite. Its eyes are bigger than the shark's body."

Yeah, that was different from the normal pharmaceutical talk he never followed along with. It's easy to lose track of everything being referred to in great detail due to its chemical composition. This conversation even a child could follow.

"I take it your lunch went well.” He said making his presence known. 

Y/N closed up the book the two were going through handing it off to Sigewinne before standing straight up. “It did. I brought some muffins I bought down to share. How’s your day going so far your Grace?” She looked at him and smiled.

His eyes followed the book that had been handed off. “It's been okay.” He looked back up at Y/N’s face. “What happened to you thinking calling me that was weird?”

“You’re working at the moment. I can respect the professionalism within it even if it feels weird to say. Sigewinne and I were just finishing up.” She bit her lip holding her smile from getting any bigger.

“Anything you need?” Sigewinne asked making sure that the plain back of the book was facing his line of sight. She counted the stickers she could still see on him. There were 4 left. 5 if the one she placed on his chair made it on him.

“Can you at least not place any stickers on leather?” He bargained.

“Hmmm. I don’t see any on leather.” He must have peeled most of those ones off already. Pity. 

“I’ve counted forty-three this week. At least twenty of them were on leather. I don't care as long as they aren’t on the leather. Takes too long to clean off right.”

Y/N covered her mouth trying not to laugh. “Fourty-three?” Sigewinne had to be in the lead for sure.

Wriothesley frowned. He really didn’t want to have to bring her into this. “And do you want to tell me what medicine the two of you have been going on about that contains a shark with eyes bigger than its body?”

Annnnnnd Caught.

“I should go back to the infirmary. Someone might have shown up by now.” Sigewinne excused herself before she lost what Y/N had come down to give her.

She looked down at a nonexistent watch on her arm. “Oh look at the time. I should go.” She tried to walk away towards the exit only for Wriothesley to grab her arm and pull her back. “I didn’t dismiss you.”

 She turned her head over her shoulder looking back at him. “I’m not working for you today.” “Doesn’t matter. What was the book about?”

“Nothing to worry about. You do see how inappropriate this looks to everyone else. I can practically feel your heartbeat against my back.” “You’ve given me hugs in front of inmates before. We’ll be fine. I’ll let go when you tell me what was in the book.”

"Cause you won a match in the ring. I was high on adrenaline." She rolled her eyes at the memory. "Don't tell me you enjoyed it." She teased. 

"Don't change the subject.

“I’m perfectly on topic. I don’t know what you are so pressed about.”

“Do you understand that anything that comes within the Fortress without my knowledge can be considered contraband?"

Y/N pulled out of his loose grip and began walking towards the infirmary. He followed right behind. "Contraband? You do understand that Sigewinne and I are free people who work and sometimes work here."

"I know that. I asked nicely the first time."

"Nicely? You manhandled me." “I think we are running off of two very different definitions.” He lightly elbowed her side. “I have a feeling you’d enjoy that anyway.”

She rolled her eyes hiding a small laugh that tried to creep into her voice. “Wriothesley.” She attempted to scold him.

“We can unpack all of that on a different day.”

“It would be a short day with nothing to unpack.” She sped up her walk. It was hard to take his flirting seriously when there was still a sticker in his hair. He’d benefit from keeping a mirror on his person if the stickers were becoming a problem.

Upon entering the infirmary, Sigewinne and Ottnit were flipping through the infamous book. Laughing. Plotting when to strike their prank next. The two Melusines were clearly enjoying themselves. 

“Hi, girls.” Y/N greeted them as she and Wriothesley walked down the stairs towards them. “I’ve been assumed of bringing in contraband. May I see the book for a moment?” She held out her hand as Sigewinne passed her the book. “You do know we aren’t inmates here.” Sigewinne frowned at Wriothesley. “Told him that already.” She showed the open book to Wriothesley. “Happy now?”

His mouth dropped in shock. “I trusted you. Have you been the one supplying them?”

“Stickers are cute. I’m just giving my friends a gift. I don’t think that's betraying your trust.”

“Tell that to all the sticky residue on my jacket and boots. It won’t even come off right.” He complained. “Twenty of them on leather. I’m just covered in sticky dust.”

The three of them couldn’t help but finally break out laughing. Y/N invested her money in the right thing if he was to look this cute pouting. He crossed his arms frowning in an attempt to save himself from turning into a dust ball at the rate it was going.

Y/N handed the book back to Sigewinne. “Ottnit could you get me some baby oil and a few cotton balls.”

“Sure.” She went off and bought back the supplies. Sigewinne went off, setting the sticker book down on her table before sitting on a chair watching the faces of the two infirmary guests. 

Y/N took one of the cotton balls and dabbed a bit of the baby oil on it. Ottnit took the bottle of baby oil back. She grabbed one of the sleeves of the jacket and peeled off a sticker he had missed. Wriothesley frowned as she placed the sticker on his nose.

“You are doing a horrible job helping.” He took the sticker off his face and crumbled it up in his hand.

Y/N rolled her eyes. “My grandpa was a leather worker. He told me if there was any sticky residue on any leather, take some baby oil and rub it over it with a cotton ball.” She said as she cleaned off the sleeve of the jacket. She handed the used cotton ball to Ottnit before taking a clean one. “Dry it off with another cotton ball and then it's good as new.” 

Wriothesley looked over the sleeve. It was a lot better than his attempts. He sighed. “This doesn’t mean you can keep placing stickers on my jacket or boots,” he told Sigewinne and Ottnit. They were going to keep doing it anyway.

“Nothing to be angry about now.” Y/N dropped the sleeve of the jacket and handed the cotton ball to Ottnit. Ottnit went and threw away the used ones before putting up the baby oil.

“I wasn’t angry.”

“Good cause I’m going to keep giving them stickers.” She reached up pulled a sticker out of hair and placed that one on his nose as well. “I think they look good on you Ri.”

He rolled his eyes before repeating his action from before. “I’m not sure if you know the meaning of help.”

Y/N laughed. “I really need to get back to the surface. This lunch break has been going on a little long. I’ll see you later.” She turned around saying her goodbyes to Sigewinne and Ottnit before leaving the infirmary.

Wriothesley hadn’t even noticed how his eyes hadn’t left her till she was out of sight.

Ottnit sighed shaking her head. “You were right.”

Sigewinne smiled knowing she just won herself even more stickers. “When do you plan on asking her out?”

His head turned over to her. “Forty-five stickers. You get no say in this right now.”

[elizabebabe]

𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐢𝐬𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐝 ೀ 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐨

𝐢𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡: you're scouted for love island and you and your manager think of it as a business opportunity but what happens when you actually want to find love?, you're in for the summer of your life.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: use of y/n!

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 2k!

𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬: i'm insanely nervous to post this but, here we go, i based this off usa love island even though the uk version is typically my favorite maybe after i finish this series i'll do a british version?...you will find out which brother i'm using soon, feel free to imagine what you're wearing this is meant to be an inclusive story so, hair, makeup, fashion, is all subjective, i'll remember to make the dialogue about your appearance vague, i hope you enjoy.

'love island'

you had heard about the show but you never expected to be scouted for it, so when you got a call from your business manager you were surprised…and disappointed.

“hey, y/n”, she said with anticipation.

“what’s up?” you quickly replied, you had already settled in for bed having already grabbed your favorite read off your bedside table, your own phone ring making you jump. 

“got a very interesting email today..” 

that grabs your full attention, putting your bookmark into your book and nesting it in its favorite place on your side table.

“and that is?” you say excitedly.

“love island wants to cast you.”

your smile drops, “oh.” being the only thing to leave your mouth, you can’t help but feel upset you were expecting more, maybe someone liked your designs enough to sign you. you’ve been building your own business up for a while now but having a contract with a ‘real’ company would definitely help your bills being paid.

“what do you mean..”

“oh” she mimicked your voice.

“was expecting better news.” you say calmly picking your book back up.

“y/n!!, this is great news!. you can go on and wear your designs and if people like them they’ll buy from your website.”

you turn to the next page, “maybe..” you bookmark your place again closing the book.

“i’ll give you time to think about it.”

you scoffed, a mere “fine.” escaping your lips. 

⋆˚｡⋆୨୧˚

you picked up your last rinsed dish, putting it in the dishwasher, quickly closing it then drying your hands. you then examine the prune on your fingers but it’s cut short by a ring, you hurried over to your phone left on your coffee table.

“hi” , you say to your manager: rhia.

“hello…so?”

“i can’t, i'm sorry.” you say nesting into your couch.

“but this is a huge business opportunity!”

“it’s a love show, not ‘shark tank.’” you say sarcastically, getting up from your couch and grabbing your laptop you left in another room. 

“y/n..? where did you go?” she notices your absence 

“right here.” you say carrying your laptop back to the coffee table sitting in-to the butt groove you’ve perfectly molded just for you.

“okay..two birds, one stone.” rhia comments, gaining a confused look on your face.

“what the hell is that supposed to mean?” you say while opening your laptop.

“you’re single, unless you count that damn butt grove on your gross couch.” your jaw drops, you close your laptop, dropping it on the table ahead of you.

“that is…so messed up.” you said dramatically 

“okay, i'm sorry but it’s true.”

“not many people get scouted for shit like this, you have to go.” she adds

“okay, okay..” you're reluctant but rhia has never steered you wrong before…right?”

⋆˚｡⋆୨୧˚

“i’m y/n..”, you said awkwardly at the camera as you fidgeted with the lacy bits of your outfit, this was going to be your introduction on the show so you knew the pressure was on, what if the public didn’t like you? what if you came off so unlikeable and nobody wanted to speak to you ever again?

they scouted you from your instagram and after seeing a few of your reels they knew you’d be a great, you were casted to fit a certain role “the hopeless romantic.” the producers knew bringing you in and a few interesting characters would make for fireworks on television.

“i’m 21 and i have my own company, “i’m funny, romantic, maybe a little bit shy.” you motion with your hands. 

“but that doesn’t mean i can’t stand my own, i open up a lot once you get to know me.” you giggle shyly

you were nervous especially when it came to what felt like 10 cameras staring at you, don’t forget the people behind them being extremely intimidating. it was a new environment for you, you naturally spent most of your days inside sketching so to do something ‘out there’ was scary.

“i’ve been single for a bit now.” you thoughtfully and playfully count on your fingers.

….“yep, it's definitely been a bit.” you chuckled.

“my type?” , you repeat the question from the people off camera. “i like funny, i just want to laugh!.” you exclaim. “oh probably someone nice as-well.” you laugh.

“physically?”, you tap your finger on your lips, trying to come up with an honest answer.

“hmmm…” you reckon, i like dark hair quite a bit but i’m definitely not opposed to a lighter color. “i don’t think i really have a physical type..i mean i like brown eyes quite a bit to be fair.” you smile. 

“hopefully i can find the love of my life here on ‘love island’. “ you comment bashfully. 

 you remember the main objective is to show off your brand but you can’t help but feel genuine hope to find someone here, rhia was right it has been just you and your butt groove for a while which made you a bit embarrassed causing your lack of interest, but now you might actually be invested in the ‘love’ part..

⋆˚｡⋆୨୧˚

you have never been to a tropical island or at least one like fiji, it was gorgeous, littered with clear water and the smell of a tropical summer, you were being driven up to the villa in a cabriolet, the hot wind brushing through your hair and your bikini straps almost sticking to your skin from the heat.

it was new to you, and it felt so freeing. you pushed your hands in the air, the gentle breeze touching the beads of sweat on your arms.

you felt confident for the first time in a while looking at the bikini you chose to wear, a neutral color but it matched your skin tone so perfectly you couldn't help yourself. you decided to pear a wedge alongside it, you looked good and you knew it.

the car stopped as it approached the villa doors, the cameras around you catching your reaction, it was beautiful. if the villa looked this good from the outside you couldn’t help your mind from wandering about the inside. 

you opened the car door, and took a step out, you put on your best smile and strutted towards the open doors.

⋆˚｡⋆୨୧˚

your first extinct was to explore but you were guided towards another set of open doors, they revealed a sort of backyard, you could see a massive pool and a few day beds under some gazebos, before your attention was taken by girls squealing in your direction, you snapped your head towards them noticing they were at a table with a few drinks.

a tall blonde waves at you excitedly followed by a shorter kinky haired woman, you walk towards them, the smell of the island mixed with their perfumes hitting you nicely, “hi!” you say excitedly.

“hey!”, they both reply, you hug & swap names.

clair has chocolate skin that glistens in the sun, she wears a sparkly red bikini to compliment it, her curls bounced as she hugged you. 

abby joked about wanting a tan to catch up with clair, earning a side eye from her, making you and abby giggle, she wears a lilac one piece that praises her curves. they were both gorgeous and also had good conversation, they made you feel quite comfortable already.

“how are you?” clair mentions curiously. 

“want a drink?” abby says as she begins pouring some champagne into a glass and holding it out for you.

“i’m doing okay, a bit nervous.” you say as you take the drink from abby.

clair giggles, “we feel the same way.” 

“there’s no need to be nervous!” abby says with an upbeat attitude. you smile at them, “what do you do?” clair questions you.

“i sell clothes, i'm actually wearing one of my designs.” you say motioning towards your bikini, rhia would be proud you were actually able to mention your business.

you collect “ooo’s” and “ahh’s” from the girls which gave you a boost of confidence, “i’m going to need to borrow that.” abby says quickly.

you find out clair works in tech and abby works as a beauty therapist during your continued small talk. you typically hated this part of getting to know people but they made it so easy, especially abby since she comfortably led the conversation. 

the continued convo stopped once you heard heels coming closer and closer to you all, making all of you turn around, you observed two new girls, they were holding hands and strutting towards the rest of you. you all cheered, giving them an appropriate greeting.

you hugged them both, one of their perfumes being a little too strong for your personal liking but you were never one to judge. 

one of their names was kaia and she looked like trouble at first, since she had quite a stern look on her face but when she smiled it lit up the room. she had short black hair and a tattoo on her chest that popped out of her deep blue bikini.

the other girls name was leah, her hair was wavy but it looked styled, her skin being soft was the only thing you could think of when she hugged you. she was wearing a silver bikini and a tiny white cover up.

trying to get to know kaia and leah was quickly interrupted by ariana madix the ‘love island’ host walking out the doors. 

you had never really watched the show, maybe just seen a few clips but seeing the girls reaction to her stupidly made you feel a little left out, they were so excited.

truthfully you had started to feel a little overwhelmed, whether it was the environment or the large amounts of conversation. you take a few sips out of your glass hoping it would take the edge off.

while being lost in your own thoughts ariana had already walked over, sharing hugs with the girls then opening her arms for you, you give her a gentle hug then pull away. 

“who’s ready for a summer of love?” ariana questions in a high genuine tone.

“me!!” abby quickly replies

“we are!, “more than ready.”, different responses coming out of different mouths.

“perfect, let’s go to the fire pit.” ariana states.

the firepit was tucked a little away from the pool you noticed right when you walked out, it was basically a couch shaped like a half circle.

you all follow behind her as the warm breeze hits our skin, all the girls take a seat at the fire pit, you’re not far behind sitting next to clair and across from ariana, the other girls branching out in the middle.

“how is everybody doing today?” ariana questions making eye contact with each of us.

“good.”

“excited!”

“excited.”

the girls talk over each-other, “y/n?” 

“i’m a bit nervous but i’m ready.” you giggle, the other ladies laughing alongside you.

“you've come to the right place for romance. the sun is shining. we're at a beautiful villa in fiji. pretty soon you will have some gorgeous guys to share it with. buuut before you meet them, i need the hot goss.” 

“abby, what are you looking for on the island?” ariana adds.

abby squeals excitedly, “i need a guy that can keep up with my energy, i want a break from leading my relationships, i'm so used to having control of the conversations and…many other things and i'm so bored of it.”

“oo and definitely someone long term.”

“i like it!” ariana replies.

“what about you, kaia?”

she smiles, “i typically like a bad boy.” she chuckles

we all playfully sigh at her comment.

“but, i’m here to change that. i haven’t had a relationship longer than like 3 months.”

we all nod, ariana giggles “well you’re at the right place.”

“i hope so.” kaia responds.

“leah?” 

she sighs, “i mean i unfortunately agree with kaia, but i just need a specific look and they all happen to be assholes..so.”

ariana scoffs jokingly, “clair, what’s up?”

“kind hearted is all i need, emotionally intelligent, smart.” clair replies quickly almost like she planned what she was going to say.

“y/n?, how long have you been single?”

“looooooong time.” you drag your words and follow with a chuckle, making the other girls laugh.

“i mean, well, hopefully you’ll meet your future boyfriend in a few minutes. i'm so ready for you to meet these guys.”

“are you ready to meet them?”

“yes!!”

“yeah.”

“yes.”

“whoo!”, you cheer, trying to push any nerves you feel away.

okay. let's do this.

⋆˚｡⋆୨୧˚

you find yourselves in a horizontal line on 5 hearts, clair decides to stand next to you, you share a smile with her.

“this is it, you guys. this is the moment we've all been waiting for.” ariana states standing across from you all.

you're about to couple-up for the first time. what that means is you have to pair up with one of the boys. 

“oh, my gosh, i have goosebumps.” clair comments, rubbing her arms and looking at you, you take a look at them. she wasn’t kidding, you notice the bumps lining up her arms.

“one by one, the lucky guys will enter the villa and choose one of you.”

“before they do, you will step forward if you're attracted to them. you have the power to influence their decision. if you like them, you better step forward because they might get snatched up.”

“alright, let’s meet the first boy.”

you all look at each-other , the anticipation killing you.

“here we go.”

what will the boys be like? who will you couple up with? find out next time on ‘love island’....

i hope you enjoyed, i'm a little bit worried about the pacing of this so any criticism is definitely appreciated, this was just an intro so be patient with me bc it will be getting juicy, thank you for reading! ˙ᵕ˙

[definitely-not-karen]

Honestly I’m just hoping whatever comes after Earthspark is good. Cause like I think what’s so frustrating and what I keep on reiterating and getting stuck on is that season 2 and 3 are fine it’s just completely unaligned with season 1.

So whatever comes next, I hope it just sticks to whatever it wants to be. If it wants to be monster of the week smash and bashes I don’t care, I like Robots in disguise 2015, it was what it was. It never started out as some amazing thing that then was ruined in subsequent seasons.

And like Earthspark didn’t even jump the shark or anything to become bad, it literally just became a different show. And abandoned so many character arcs.

At least Rid2015 didn’t care if Sideswipe never truly learned much lessons over the series, he was in an episodic series with very little changes to the status quo.

Anyways I’ll make a wish list of what I want next I guess I dunno. I love transformers truly but gosh. I just wanna be around for amazing transformers media while it’s airing. I read idw like two years after it ended. I watched animated and prime after it ended. I was kinda there for while Rescue Bots came out I guess but I was a bit young, same with RID2015. I watched the war for Cybertron series as it came out and well. That sure was a show. Honestly quick rant about that show, did not love the rocks fall everyone died on Cybertron. Honestly the war for Cybertron show was so bad but I sure did watch it when each season came out. I could not tell you what happened beyond I was upset everyone on Cybertron died. Anyways. I was there when Cyberverse was coming out and honestly Cyberverse was pretty good. So I was hoping Earthspark would build upon it, with “it”being a bit of inspiration from the idw comics which Earthspark did kinda do tbh, especially with the post war concept. Honestly I doubt they’ll do a post war show next. But honestly I can’t complain too much. Transformers One was really good I hear, I need to watch it.

There is good transformers media out there. I also need to read the current comics too. And my favourite part of transformers is that since there has been so many iterations of the series I can revisit so many different parts and places.

Anyways, obligatory lament as to how I’ll never see main character Thundercracker but a good guy animated. And also how I’ll probably never see First Aid as a main character again. Oh and how Jazz has been missing for so long oh Jazz I miss you we got Prowl back tho so Jazz I miss you. Oh Sunstreaker and Sideswipe where art thou. Bluestreak where have you been my og fav. Ratchet you weren’t in transformers one or Earthspark please don’t make your absence a pattern.

[bisexualbard-writes]

KimChay prompt

I give you: Soulmate AU

Everyone has a timer in their wrist that shows how many days your soulmate has left to live

For Chay the timer changes every day but the number of days is never more than one year. Chay is very, very concerned for his soulmate and the kind of life he is living.

For Kim, he's convinced that his soulmate is also part of the Mafia or something worse because his timer is just weird. This morning his soulmate had over 50 years left, but something happened between 9am and 9:25am so now his soulmate is gonna die by the end of the week! Then, before lunch his timer changes again and Kim's soulmate will live for another 89 years

How do you think Kim would react to Chay? Just normal, kind, brave, zero situational awareness Chay who hasn't realized how many times he's been about to die

Also Helloo Hiiii how are you?

Hiiiiii, Hellooooo, I'm doing okay other than all this writer's block haha. Onto the timer soulmates!!

Kim wakes up in unfamiliar territory and nearly jolts up before he realizes the uncomfortable feeling below him is a pullout couch and the comforting weight on top of him is Chay.

His maybe-probably soulmate. 

Warmth spreads across his cheeks when he realizes they spent all night pressed up against each other like this. Trying not to jostle Chay, Kim checks his watch. The time, 7:00AM, is expected for his internal body clock. Then he pulls down the wristband on his watch and checks his timer, 20:05:03:23:15, which is not expected. 

Twenty years? When he fell asleep last night, the boy in his arms had fifty some odd years left to live, and this morning it’s down to twenty? 

The timer changes sometimes, everyone’s does. The mechanics are still a bit of a mystery to the world, but it’s a guarantee that when a timer runs out, that person’s soulmate dies. It seems like Kim’s timer fluctuates more than other people’s, but Chay hadn’t led the safest life even before he started hanging out with the third son of Thailand’s biggest mafia family. 

Actually, when Kim suspected Chay’s magnetic pull was more than just a simple crush on Kim’s part, he made a phone call ensuring all the Kittisawat debts were paid off and any loan sharks in the area knew Chay was protected.

On that day Kim’s timer jumped from a worrisome ten years to a more comfortable fifty.

That would have been more than enough for most people to prove they were soulmates, but Kim maintains a healthy amount of doubt. Or denial rather. 

He doesn’t want Chay tied to him. His little intervention took a whole week of planning to make the orders look like they were coming from someone other than Kim. He doesn’t want his family finding out Chay is important, it’s  too dangerous for Chay to get involved with them. This morning is proof of it, their deepening relationship is taking decades off of Chay’s life. 

The boy in his arms begins to stir, and then stills suddenly. The corner’s of Kim’s lips twitch up when he feels Chay’s breaths quicken as he likely realizes he’s sleeping half on top of Kim, and then forcibly slow down again. 

“Why are you pretending to be asleep?” Kim finds himself asking. He hadn’t even planned to break their peaceful silence, but he’s a little obsessed with Chay and desperate to understand what goes on in his mind. 

Chay answer about barely believing any of this is real is like a knife to Kim’s heart, because it’s not. Kim is hiding so many things from him. He hasn’t even mentioned to Chay his thought that they might be soulmates, and that’s the least of the things Kim is keeping from him. 

Chay unknowingly twists that knife when he looks up at Kim with his big, lovely eyes and asks Kim if he loves Chay. He’s never looked at the timer on Chay’s timer, but he thinks it probably just lost a decade of time. 

He doesn’t respond to Chay’s question, instead sending him off to fetch breakfast for them. 

Kim should leave, he tells himself as Chay cooks. He should leave and never return. It’s better to know Chay is out in the world without him, than have to live in a world where Chay is dead because Kim was greedy with him. 

When the doorbell rings, Kim makes his decision. He’ll slip out while Chay isn’t looking, and never come near him again. 

Then he hears Chay scream, and walking away isn’t an option. 

He fights tooth and nail, but he let his guard down too much and he’s not prepared to fight. Chay’s cries have made him frantic and erratic, and he knows he’s leaving holes in his defenses. Just as he’s starting to get his fighting brain turned on he gets tazed. It hurts like a bitch but he keeps going, fighting back as he gets tazed again. 

He goes down. The last thing he sees is Chay helplessly splayed on the ground. 

When he wakes up Chay is gone. 

Kim’s timer reads 00:00:05:08:15. 

Five days. 

If Kim does nothing, Chay will die in five days. 

He won’t let his happen. 

He picks up the phone and dials the number he swore he’d never call for help again. 

Kim watches the seconds tick away on his timer with as the call rings. 

“Kim?” Kinn asks curtly when he picks up. 

Kim takes a deep breath. “I need help,” he utters. 

His timer jumps. 89:03:12:06:45

[irradiatedsnakes]

the Big TMA Furry List

this list with commentary/choice rationale below the cut :] i wrote a lot of thoughts down do please check it out.

jon: common raven

martin: tan jumping spider

sasha: southern flannel moth

not!sasha: red postman

tim: jackson's chameleon

melanie: eastern copperhead

georgie: triceratops horridus

basira: domestic cat (calico shorthair)

daisy: domestic dog (german shepherd)

elias: barn owl. jonah: eurasian eagle owl.

gerry: domestic dog (black doberman)

annabelle: white-booted racket-tail

jane: cabbage white

michael: spiny softshell turtle

helen: common hermit crab

oliver: black vulture

peter: risso's dolphin

mike: caelestiventus hanseni

jude: black kite

agnes: ???

nikola: stealing major's carousel horse

jared: american dog tick

breekon&hope: Hog and/or Bear. you get no more information

dekker: mouflon

gertrude: great tit

leitner: domestic cat (persian)

manuela: gray long-eared bat

rayner: olm

salesa: sea otter

simon: dodo

elaboration below !

jon: common raven

this was a choice i made before i even finished listening to the podcast back in 2020. jon's 1000% a bird to me, and the curious nature of corvids works well here. plus, i think a bird so universally ominous as a raven works perfectly as a horror protag :P i used to draw raven!jon with a couple troodon traits, mostly just cus it was fun, but i wanted to make my designs more grounded for this iteration. made them plantigrade, didn't get silly with body styles like i have with mp100 designs.

martin: tan jumping spider

if you've been here for a while you'll know that my furry martin has gone through about two million iterations. he started off as a european pine marten, to bold jumping spider, to chinese pangolin, to nine-banded armadillo, finally to nurse shark.

out of all of these the spider and the shark are my favorites. i wanted to go back to the jumping spider though- the design is really fun and i wasn't able to get the expressions right, but i'm more confident in my skills now and i'm having fun with the design. i may revisit nurse shark at some point. i switched from bold to tan jumper- i originally chose bold just cus they're my favorite jumper, but their stark black/white and iridescent aqua coloration just doens't work for martin. so, the tan jumper!

sasha: southern flannel moth

another old choice. species chosen because of a friend's fic, pharos by right (another i'm planning to reread now that i'm dipping my toes back into tma..)! southern flannel moths are poofy and orange, and their caterpillars are those super painful teddybear ones. i really like the design.

not!sasha: red postman

wanted to have her be another lepidopteran, and with all the many examples of mimicry among the group i thought red postman was a fun choice. doesn't look anything like a southern flannel moth, but that's sort of the point.

tim: jackson's chameleon

yet another choice from the oldtimes- most of the main characters are, i've mostly switched around the more secondary chars. first suggested, i believe, by @/ofdreamsanddoodles. i think there's something very fun about chameleons being basically a living mood ring & tim's Descent s1-3 showing physcially not just through the worm scars but through like, constant stress coloration during s3.

melanie: eastern copperhead

one of my favorite choices. i have a young copperhead specimen named after her. this one is quite vibes-based, but i do really like the copperhead as a viper that is not deadly. and i'm always a sucker for the "animal perceived as scary and violent that in actuality only strikes when under extreme stress" thing in furry assignments.

georgie: triceratops horridus

another favorite choice. visually, i really like how this works out, and trikes as a social and protective animal works well. she's literally got a shield on her face. horridus was chosen because i like the shape of the head and horns better than prorsus.

basira: domestic cat (calico shorthair)

got a little cat/dog thing going on for dasira. i like the inversion of the usual cat/dog dynamic with their unhealthy devotion instead, and visually it just works very well for them both.

daisy: domestic dog (german shepherd)

yeah i know this one's an exceedingly obvious choice.

elias: barn owl. jonah: eurasian eagle owl.

it's the institute logo! it's him! barn owl for elias specifically because of its very sleek look, designing him went fantastically. also, i can make the eagle owl's face disk work as a mimicry of ben meredith's muttonchops, which i think is a fun design bit to give to magnus.

gerry: domestic dog (black doberman)

certified gerryguy @/gerrydelano's choice. to quote a discord message from 3 years ago (sorry ron): "i feel like.........my INSTINCT is some kind of canine because like. the whole symbolism thing about being either an obedient or rabid dog. something something muzzled all your life. being a dangerous figure if people only see the silhouette but you just want scritches and nobody'll get close enough to you." black dog symbolism + breed which has ears cropped and tail docked, unecessarily molded for a Purpose which the dog has no say in

annabelle: white-booted racket-tail

sort of my original choice- she used to be part white-booted racket-tail, part anna's hummingbird. kept with the racket-tail cus it's fun and very cute. i've had a couple people express surprise that she wasn't a spider, but i think that's way too obvious. hummingbirds, though- they steal the webs of spiders to use as material to make their nests, but can sometimes become trapped in the webs and eaten by the spiders themselves. which is probably the metaphor-via-fursona-assignment i'm most proud of in this whole list

jane: cabbage white

the cabbage white is a butterfly whose caterpillars are routinely parasitized by the parasitoid wasp the white butterfly parasite. in case you're not familiar, parasitoid wasps lay their eggs on (usually) caterpillars, which hatch on the still-living caterpillar, devouring it from the inside before eventually emerging from the consumed husk of the host. also, i really liked the image of parasitoid wasp larvae emerging from an adult butterfly, rather than a caterpillar.

michael: spiny softshell turtle

for michael and helen, i wanted to choose animals which were, in some way, their own home. turtle is an obvious choice- and spiny softshells are a favorite of mine, and sufficiently strange-looking.

helen: common hermit crab

see previous entry. also please google "hermit crab without shell"

oliver: black vulture

bit of an obvious choice, but i adore vultures so i had to. black vulture chosen because i think the monochrome color scheme + straighter face work better than a turkey vulture for him

peter: risso's dolphin

i really like the idea of a cetacean for peter and the lukases as a whole, a famously social animal for the seemingly contradictory nature of this lonely-but-huge family, plus with so many cetaceans being endangered getting that lonely angle (risso's specifically are not, though, as peter is lonely through his own choice, not by circumstance).

mike: caelestiventus hanseni

it's a dimorphodont. he feels like a pterosaur to me, and i like the idea of a vast avatar as a usually short-flying arboreal species, for the unnaturality/contrast of it.

jude: black kite

black kites are one of the species of kites known to intentionally spread fires by picking up burning sticks to flush out prey.

agnes: ???

the only one i'm still undecided on. will update.

nikola: stealing major's carousel horse

i can't top that

jared: american dog tick

great choice from @/magnusarchivememes. Takes Your Blood And Gets So Big

breekon&hope: Hog and/or Bear. you get no more information

vaguely russian animals that are large and imposing but remain somewhat generic. which is the hog and which is the bear is not consistent.

dekker: mouflon

dekker has very much mammal vibes to me. the mouflon is a neat species of wild sheep. i think the noble, imposing but kind image of the ram works well for dekker as that sort of true-good hero figure, and mouflons in particular are very nice looking with good shapes. the statement giver in distant cousin describes dekker as "though he was slightly shorter than I was, it seemed like he towered over me." which i think this sheep works well with.

gertrude: great tit

i wanted all the main eye avatars as birds, just like how i give them all glasses. just a fun little treat for me. great tit was chosen for gertrude as a kind of classic british bird, and as tits in general are VERY fiesty despite their round and adorable appearance. i really like this image of a great tit posing with a dead mouse like it's a hunter with a trophy deer. the cheek markings also work really well to bring to mind the image of old person jowls.

leitner: domestic cat (persian)

vibes. also i like the idea of him as a spoiled domestic animal. if i remember correctly, this was also @/ofdreamsanddoodles' suggestion

manuela: gray long-eared bat

she's a bat. what's to say. WELL actually okay there's the perception of bats as blind but actually having quite good vision which i think meshes in a fun way with the dark, and the way manuela does her sciency stuff.

rayner: olm

i mean, yeah

salesa: sea otter

largely design-oriented, suitably scruffy. ocean animal with strong social bonds, it was a slam dunk soon as i thought of it.

simon: dodo

how couldn't i, come on.

[ecargmura]

Wind Breaker Episode 12 Review - Grade Captains

The man, the legend, Kaji Rrrrrrrren (Ren Kaji in Western order) is here. As I read ahead in the manga, Kaji is legitimately one of my Top 5 favorite characters in Wind Breaker. While his introduction is a bit chill, if this anime ever gets a second season, that’s when my boy Kaji will shine. You know he’s popular when he gets a high-quality voice actor announcement two episodes before his official debut, ranked 3rd in the second popularity poll, and is plastered in merchandise despite the lack of screen time like how Sae Itoshi gets so much merch despite his minuscule screen time in Blue Lock.

This episode is Sakura slowly getting adjusted to what it means to be a Grade Captain and what it means to take on a huge responsibility. He doesn’t feel like he’s qualified to be a leader, but the leader isn’t chosen because he wants to—he is chosen due to general consensus. That’s how it works in the real world. Heck, Kaji is also Grade Captain and he’s the least leader-like person out there. Don’t worry, Sakura. Suo and Nirei got your back like how Enomoto and Kusumi got Kaji’s back.

Ren Kaji is like if Sakura got character development, but still maintained his prickliness. That’s Kaji in a nutshell. His introduction alone shows that he’s a lot cattier than Sakura from yelling like he’s hissing at people to jumping over a bridge. If Sakura is a cat, then Kaji is like the big brother cat. He has a habit of eating lollipops and having his music super loud. However, what makes Kaji different from Sakura is that Kaji knows how to rely on others and can count on them. This is a good lesson for Sakura to follow because he slowly realizes what it means to open up to others here. Kaji’s voice actor is none other than Nobuhiko Okamoto. I’m sure that mainstream anime watchers will instantly recognize his voice the moment he yelled. Yes, he’s Bakugo. I’m not too familiar with My Hero Academia, but some of Okamoto’s other roles include Himmel from Frieren: Beyond Journey’s End and Genya Shinazugawa from Demon Slayer. To be honest, Okamoto is great with the angry boy typecast and I’m assuming that’s the reason why he got casted as Kaji. Nonetheless, the voice suits him.

Also, I have to give props to Kotoha here. She has always been a big motivator for Sakura. She teases him, but she knows that riling him up will get him to do something. She realizes that he’s stuck on what he should do now that he got voted Grade Captain, and Kotoha realizes that he hasn’t said anyone’s names so far, other than Umemiya’s. If you look back, he’s always saying “You”, “that guy”, or giving someone a nickname like “Scraggles” for Togame or “Shark-Teeth” for Hiiragi. This is a good way for Sakura to realize that if he wants to take on responsibility, he needs to start by learning people’s name—something he has never done before. While he’s terrible with remembering so many names, he got Nirei to help him out as he has very good memory and can memorize a person’s name and face. See, haters? Nirei ain’t useless. I love that he doesn’t have to burden himself with so much at once. He can take baby steps until he feels confident.

Some of my favorite parts of the episode is Enomoto rolling his R’s and Sakura wall-jumping. He’s very cat-like, so it makes sense he can do that. However, wall jumping always makes me think of Mario. It’d be cool if someone edited Sakura’s wall-jumping with Mario sound effects.

This was a chill episode overall. I honestly can’t wait to meet the four devas next week. One of them is my favorite character in Wind Breaker. Next week is the finale. Wait, what do you mean next week’s the finale? No! I don’t want to part with Wind Breaker! Please announce a Season 2, Cloverworks! What did you think about this episode?

[velvet-vox]

I just wanna preamble, that I'm really sorry towards all of my mutuals who really love Yeva as a character, but for me, I just can't come forward to liking her, and it's all for a simple reason:

Genuinely, why are we getting so much content with Yeva? Why did we need a flashback to the Core collapse when episode 7 was already crammed as it was? Why did we never see Yeva die on screen but saw his unnamed, barely mentioned husband get openly murked on screen? Why do Uzi and Doll treat each other like complete and utter strangers when Yeva should have been there to forge a connection between the two that would have spared us the plot and saved the entire colony in the process by uniting Uzi's resourcefulness and spirit of initiative with Doll's badassery and tactical mind?

I like Doll's dad. Liam clearly didn't bother to give him a name or a personality since he wasn't relevant to the plot, and of course, for Liam Vickers the plot comes before the characters, so him being dead doesn't really ring any alarm bells within me; he is very clearly intended to be a blank slate for the fans to latch on any head canon that suits their ways; he's a little bit of wasted potential, a trait that unfortunately he passed down to his daughter, but at least he doesn't really terrify me in any way that matters (especially since he would theoretically be Khan's foil. ....... Yeah).

But Yeva...... My god.

I shit you not when I say that to me, she's the scariest character in the entire show, way more terrifying than whatever any of that mid crap with the Absolute Solver or that lame ass body horror porn Cynesssa were.

Because to me, Yeva doesn't scare me in any physical, gorey matter, no: Yeva scares me in a psychological way.

Yeva is definitely being built up as this non impressionable, unfathomable badass, who has passed down to Doll all of her girlbossery and mastery of the Absolute Solver; she is the true caring mother between her and Nori, she was so good that Doll wanted to avenge her dead at any cost, she is so cool and strong that the patch worked on her flawlessly, and then proceeded to just completely mop the floor with a possessed Nori; Nori, that, may I remind you, was capable of fending off against a fully possessed Solver Uzi able to throw out copius amounts of black holes; the same Nori, who, as a core, ended that fight by slapping Uzi so hard that it created crumbling debris upon the impact; that Yeva was then killed by a solo hunting V, who has been shown multiple times to play with her food.

And the fandom somehow believes all of that?!?

Nobody is questioning just how sus any of this information is? Even if so many of the pieces when put together don't make any sense?

Do you remember these two shots from episode 6?

Aside from their questionable reliability considering the fact that Tessa was actually Cyn in disguise, don't you remember when we all speculated Nori to be more than a puppet and a possibly willing harbinger of death? I do. Never forgotten.

Now, I'm not jumping the shark and saying that Yeva is actually a manipulative monster, that would be extremely detrimental to the story; I'm saying that with all the parallelisms between the two families it's suspiciously weird that we aren't getting any noticeable narrative similarities between Nori and Yeva; because, you see, when I said before that Khan and Doll's dad weren't foils I actually lied:

In the Pilot, to protect the colony, Khan sacrifices Uzi to N and shuts a door behind him, refusing to shoot with the rail gun; in the flashback of Promening, to protect his daughter, Doll's dad shoots a photo of V to distract her, while Doll watches his dad sacrifice himself behind a door.

We just saw that Uzi's mother survived the attack of the Disassembly Drone (N) and turned into a crab. Now, I don't know all of you, but to me, N always seemed like the most efficient of the Disassembly Drones. His lack of empathy coupled with his low ego and self esteem made him a much more competent murderer than J or V, who were either too busy showboating or coping hard with the consequences of their violent actions; so for N to be unable to kill Nori while V was able to kill Yeva just seems like the most convenient writing decision possible.

(Convenient is a word used by Uzi to describe Doll's trap in episode 6)

Yeva absolutely creeps the f##k out of my brain, it's genuinely so unsettling seeing how much Liam Vickers has been playing up this character's current unimportance and getting away with it by the eyes of the community.

I don't know you all, but I haven't felt scared by Murder Drones at all ever since the Alice finger scene in episode 6. I was like, "cool Liam, do whatever you want, play up all the horror that you like, congratulations, I'm officially desensitized. Your cute little flesh iron puppy that you've been building up for a year barely stroked a dent into me" but I'm not like that with Yeva. Whenever a fandom starts to play up a character's innocence that's when my fight or flight reaction kicks in. I've been a fervent protester of indoctrination for all of my life, and that includes fandom culture and mob thinking; I ain't buying any of you all sweet Yeva crap until episode 8 rolls around.

[all-the-things-2020]

Late Night Talking - Chapter Nineteen

Summary: Emily moves in, Dieter gets the flu … and Valentine’s Day Dieter Bravo style.

Rating: PG-13

Word count: 5600+

Tag list: @rhoorl @avastrasposts @readingiskeepingmegoing @runningmom94 @gwendibleywrites @weho2kcmo

Things moved quickly once we got back to California. With the help of a moving company (and Oladele) I was soon out of my condo and living in Dieter’s house. I also bought a new car. Dieter had insisted I “just look” at the Audis and I fell in love with a little blue sedan. It was at the lower end of the range, but still expensive to me. Writing out a check for roughly $40,000 was a surreal experience. 

Dieter insisted the car needed a name and that it was a boy. “Auden? Austin? Augustus?,” he suggested.

”Augustus? What kind of name is that for a car?”

”Well, there aren’t that many names that start with A-U,” he said, furrowing his brow. He pulled out his phone. “Auggie? 

”That’s just short for Augustus,” I pointed out. “And we can’t call an Audi Austin because that’s another make of car.”

”Then it has to be Auden,” Dieter said. “He was a poet, wasn’t he? That’s good for a bookish person, right?”

And so Auden it was. 

**********************************************

Soon it was February and Sam’s birthday was coming up. We always called each other on our birthdays, setting aside an hour just for us. One year she’d even walked away from her own birthday party to sit outside on her porch in the cold so we could have our birthday chat.

”Why don’t you fly back there and surprise her?” Dieter suggested. “Call her from the sidewalk and when she answers, tell her to come outside.”

”I can’t just fly to Maryland on a whim,” I said. Dieter raised an eyebrow and I realized that I could do that. I could go online and book a flight and hotel and not have to worry about where the money was coming from. It felt decadent. It felt wrong. It felt amazing.

”Do it,” he urged. “Let me be the one sitting home alone for once.”

I flew to Maryland and did just what Dieter suggested: I stood outside of Sam’s house and called her. When she opened the front door and saw me, we both burst into tears. It had been years since we’d seen each other in person.

”Oh, my God, chickie!,” she sobbed. “This is the best birthday present ever!”

We spend the weekend on her couch, eating chips and ice cream, watching old movies and basically just being teenage girls; all the stuff we missed out on doing together when she’d moved away.

”So you’re getting married,” Sam said at one point. She took my hand and made a show of studying my ring from several angles. 

“It still doesn’t quite seem real,” I admitted. “I’ve barely moved in and honestly I still feel like I’m just on a break and I’ll have to go home and back to work.”

”Any wedding plans yet?” There was a glint in her eye that made me feel excited.

”Nothing firm. Why, do you have an idea?”

”Remember when we were little and we did that whole soap opera with our Barbies and Kens and my brother’s G.I. Joes? And your Barbie got married at the beach and then her husband got eaten by sharks?”

I hadn’t thought about that summer in years. We’d played out so many silly plot lines with our dolls and action figures. Every day we created a new episode. Of course, our soap opera leaned more heavily on car chases and jumping off cliffs and fighting wild tigers than romance, but we were only about eight years old at the time. 

“I’m not feeding Dieter to a shark,” I said.

Sam rolled her eyes. “Duh! I meant, how about a beach wedding? You live in L.A., you said you want a summer wedding so Dieter’s brother and his kids can come out … my kids will be off for the summer.”

”You’re just fishing for an invitation,” I teased. 

“Oh, I’m going to be there,” Sam said firmly. “I’m going to be your maid of honor.”

I felt tears welling in my eyes. I couldn’t afford to fly back east for Sam’s wedding, but she’d still asked me to be her maid of honor, only giving the job to one of her cousins after I’d had to decline. 

“I’d love to have you at the wedding,” I said. “It won’t be big or fancy. Dieter and I haven’t talked details yet but we both want something small and informal.”

”Which is perfect for a beach wedding,” Sam said. “I can totally see Dieter in a white suit, barefoot, open neck shirt, and you in a white sundress, the ocean breeze playing with your hair.”

“Or maybe Deet in board shorts and a PacSun t shirt.”

”You could wear a bikini and freak out your Aunt Helen!”

”Speedos!”

We collapsed into giggles. “I’ve missed you, chickie,” I said.

”I’ve missed you, too,” Sam said. “But just think, now you’ll be able to come visit whenever you want. And I’ll have a place to stay in California.” She winked.

**************************************************

That winter, I’d managed to avoid catching the flu, which was an occupational hazard of working in a public school. Dieter, unfortunately, was not as lucky, as I found when I called him from the airport when I landed.

“I’b fide,” he said over FaceTime, before turning away to blow his nose loudly.  He’d clearly been doing that a lot, because his nose was red and tender looking. 

“You are not fine,” I retorted. “I shouldn’t have gone.”

”I didin stard feeling sick undil after you lefd. Bud id’s nod dad bad.” He immediately sneezed and coughed at the same time.

”Go to bed,” I said. “I’ll be home as soon as I can.”

On the way home from LAX, I stopped at a Walgreens and stocked up on everything I thought Dieter might possibly need. When I finally got home. I let myself in and dropped my bags on the kitchen island. “Hey, sweetie, are you awake?” I called out.

I turned around when I heard a noise coming from the hallway. Dieter shuffled into the dining room, his ratty green bathrobe wrapped around a dirty t-shirt and pajama pants, with an assortment of used tissues falling out of the pockets. His hair was even more wild than usual, and looked greasy. His nose was red and raw, he clearly hadn’t shaved since I’d left home and his eyes were glassy.

“Hey,” he croaked, leaning against the wall.

“You look horrible,” I said.

“Thangs,” he grumped. “I feel lige shid.”

I walked over to him and laid my hand on his forehead. He felt hot and smelled gross. “Ugh, when was the last time you showered?” I asked. “Or changed your clothes.”

He shrugged. “Coupla days ago,” he mumbled.

I shook my head. “Disgusting.” I turned him around and pushed him back toward the bedroom. The bed looked as bad as he did. The covers were all shoved into a tangled pile in the center of the bed and there was an overflowing trash can surrounded by a scattered ring of tissues.

“Okay, we’re getting you and this room cleaned up,” I said. I plopped him down on the bed and opened the dresser to pull out a clean t-shirt and pair of pajama pants. I popped into the hall to grab some towels and a washcloth from the linen closet and then came back to find Dieter on his side, groaning into the pillow.

“Get up, babe,” I told him. “You need a shower.”

“Don’d wan’ a shower,” he grumbled. 

“Tough,” I said. “You stink. Come on, I’ll help you.”

I pulled him up and led him to the bathroom, where I turned on the water to warm up. I knew he really did feel horrible, because as I stripped off his clothes, he didn’t make any jokes or try anything cute. He seemed a bit wobbly, so I got undressed as well and we stepped into the shower together. 

“Lean against the wall if you feel dizzy or weak,” I told him. I adjusted the shower head so the water wasn’t hitting him in the face, and helped him step under the spray.

“Cold,” he complained. 

“It’ll warm up in a minute,” I said. “Come on, let’s get you clean.” I worked quickly, soaping up the washcloth and scrubbing his body thoroughly. “Bend down,” I told him when I was done, and I shampooed and rinsed his hair.

I helped him get out and wrapped him in towels. “Dry off and we’ll get you in clean jammies,” I said. He rolled his eyes at the word “jammies” but he did as he was told. I helped him into the clean shirt and flannel pants, put my clothes back on, and then led him out to the living room.

“I’m going to park you on the couch while I change the bed, okay?” I tucked some throw pillows behind his back and spread one of the throws that lived on the back of the couch over his lap. I put the remote in his hand and smoothed his wet hair back off his forehead so I could give him a kiss.

I stripped the bed and carried the dirty linens to the laundry room, then went back and remade the bed with clean sheets, blankets, pillowcases and the summer duvet that was tucked in the very back of the linen closet. When I was done, I threw the winter comforter into the washer and went back to check on Dieter.

He was staring dully at the TV, which was tuned to a cooking program, something he normally didn’t watch. “You want to stay out here, or go back to bed?” I asked. He turned slowly to me and blinked twice.

“Bed,” he said after a moment.

I walked him back to the bedroom, tucked him in, piled pillows behind him so he was partially propped up and then went to fetch my supplies from Walgreens. I couldn’t remember what we had in the medicine chest so I had bought everything: a thermometer, assorted medications, tissues, cough drops … even a couple of cans of chicken soup and a box of saltine crackers.

First, I took his temperature. “One hundred point two,” I said. “Not too bad.” I dropped the Tylenol back into the bag. We wouldn’t be needing that unless his fever spiked higher. Then I asked him about his symptoms.

“Congestion … definitely,” I said. “Is your throat sore?”

“Kind of scratchy,” he admitted. 

“But not sore sore?”

“No.”

“How about coughing?”

We ran through every symptom I could think of and I lined up the medications and other supplies I’d need on the nightstand on his side of the bed. 

“Okay,” I said when I was done. “Did you eat dinner yet?”

He shook his head. “Not hungry.”

“You need to eat,” I said firmly. “I’m going to make you some soup.”

“I’m not hungry,” he whined.

“Tough,” I replied. “You’re going to eat.”

I heated up a can of chicken noodle soup and boiled some water for tea. By the time I brought it into the bedroom, Dieter was half asleep.

“Dinner time,” I said brightly.

He shook his head and flipped me off. “Told you I’m not hungry,” he grumped.

“I don’t care. At least drink the broth and the tea. I put in honey and lemon for your throat,” I said as I sat down beside him. “And if you won’t eat it yourself, I’ll feed you.”

I got him to eat half the soup and most of a cup of tea before I gave up. I made him take his medication and then went out to the kitchen. I dumped the leftovers and put the dishes in the sink to be washed later. I checked on the washer and since it still had over twenty minutes left, I reheated the rest of the soup for myself. By the time I’d finished eating and washed up the dirty dishes, it was time to load the comforter in the dryer.

I had an hour to kill before it was done, so I went back to check on Dieter. He was asleep, so I very quietly changed into my nightshirt and curled up on the couch to watch some TV while I waited for the dryer to finish. Two episodes of “The Big Bang Theory” later, I fetched the toasty warm comforter from the laundry room and headed to the bedroom.

I pulled the summer duvet off the bed and threw the warm comforter over Dieter. He woke up. “Whad you doin’?,” he mumbled.

I crawled under the covers. “Nice warm blankie,” I said, snuggling down. “Go back to sleep.”

He grunted and coughed, then reached for the box of tissues I’d left on his nightstand. He blew his nose loudly and slumped back onto the pillows with a groan. “You should sleep in the guest roob,” he said. “You’ll ged sick.”

I kicked him gently. “Like I haven’t already been around your germs all evening,” I replied. “Besides, this way I’m here if you need anything.”  I curled up, enjoying the warmth of the freshly laundered comforter. Despite Dieter’s coughs and sniffles, I fell asleep pretty quickly. It had been a long day.

***************************

I woke up at 3:00 am when Dieter had a coughing fit. “Sorry, sorry,” he said in between hacking coughs. “Shit.”

“It’s okay,” I said. I measured out a dose of cough syrup and fetched him a glass of ice water to wash it down with. “Take this.”  He made a face but swallowed the medicine. I didn’t blame him; that stuff tasted nasty. Cherry flavor my ass.

“Come here,” I said, after he’d drunk half the glass of water to get the taste out of his mouth. I opened a jar of Vicks VapoRub and pushed his t-shirt up. “This will help.” I started rubbing the greasy ointment in small circles over his chest. I suppressed the urge to sing “Soft Kitty,” knowing that Dieter would not understand. He’d watched “The Big Bang Theory” with me a few times but claimed he didn't get it.

Once I’d coated his chest, I pulled the shirt back down and started rubbing Vicks on his throat. “I know it smells horrible, but it works,” I said as he blinked from the pungent fumes. I chuckled. “Just be glad my friend Carla’s mom isn’t around. When I had sleepovers at her house when I was little, she rubbed Vicks on our feet and made us wear white socks to bed. Even if we weren’t sick.”

I put the lid back on the jar and smeared the leftover ointment on his stomach, just to be a jerk. He grumped at me and I pressed a kiss on his belly, just below where I’d rubbed the Vicks. 

“Not in the mood,” he grumbled. 

I pretended to pout. “You’re no fun,” I said. I put the jar of Vicks back on the nightstand, leaning across him to reach it. I knew that in that position, he could see right down my sleep shirt, and it was riding up at the bottom to show off my panties but he didn’t react at all.  “You really are sick,” I said, patting his cheek. “Go back to sleep.”

He just grunted and then coughed in my face. “Sorry,” he mumbled, as I crawled back over to my side of the bed. “I know this isn’t fun for you.”

“I’m not here to have fun,” I told him. “I’m here to take care of you. Now shut up and go back to sleep.”

**************************************************

The next day I spent most of my time running back and forth from the kitchen to the bedroom. He wanted coffee but then it made his stomach hurt. He wanted toast but then only ate half of it. I made him tea with honey but it got cold too fast, and when I heated it in the microwave it was too hot and burned his tongue. Every time he took a dose of medicine, he needed fresh ice water. 

For lunch, I suggested grilled cheese, my go-to meal when I was feeling sick as a kid. He took two bites. It was like taking care of a nearly six foot toddler. 

“You have to eat, sweetie,” I told him. “All that medicine on an empty stomach isn’t good for you.”

“I’m not fucking hungry,” he growled. “Just leave me alone, okay?”

“Fine, Mr. Grumpy Pants,” I said. I took the remains of his lunch out to the kitchen, cut off the part he’d bitten and finished the sandwich myself. I knew he didn’t feel well, but it was starting to wear on me. I pulled out my phone and texted Sam.

ME: Dieter is driving me crazy. Why are men such babies when they’re sick?

She replied quickly with a series of laughing emojis.

We commiserated about the tribulations of taking care of a man-child until I heard a pathetic voice calling my name from the bedroom. I took the phone with me as I went to see what he wanted.

“I’m hungry,” he said. “Can I have that sandwich now?”

I texted Sam as I went back out to the kitchen to make a fresh grilled cheese.

ME: Can I divorce someone I’m not married to yet?

Her only reply was another string of laughing emojis.

**************************************************

The next morning, Dieter still had a low grade fever and his cough was no better. “I think we need to go to urgent care,” I told him.

“I’m fine,” he whined. “I hate the doctor.”

“But I don’t think this cough syrup is strong enough,” I replied. “You might need the prescription stuff. Get dressed.”

He grumped and complained but changed into jeans and a clean t-shirt while I called the closest urgent care that took his insurance. They wouldn’t make an appointment but claimed the wait time was currently less than an hour. “Is your phone charged? We might have a bit of a wait,” I asked.

It took twenty minutes to find his phone, which had slipped down between the couch cushions at some point. The battery was at 45%, so I had to fetch the car charger from his car before we could leave. Fortunately, it took long enough to get to the urgent care that his phone was up to 70% by the time we were parked. I knew he’d get bored sitting in the waiting room if he didn’t have his phone to play with. It really is like taking care of a giant toddler, I thought. 

The waiting room was three quarters full and when we checked in, the receptionist told me in a bored voice that it would probably be close to ninety minutes before we could see a doctor. “We had a couple of soccer injuries come in and they got jumped to the head of the line,” she explained. “Fill out the forms and have a seat.”

*****************************************

“Mr. Bravo?,” a nurse finally called out. I nudged Dieter, who had started to doze off.

“What?”

“It’s your turn. Come on,” I said.

We followed the nurse into the back. She kept giving him curious looks as she sat him down at her station to start taking his vitals. “I’m sorry,” she said after a minute. “It’s just …”

“It’s okay,” I said. “He’s used to being stared at.”

Dieter started to say something smart but veered into another coughing fit.

The nurse nodded and patted him on the shoulder. “Don’t try to talk.” She handed him some tissues and went back to laying out her instruments. She took his temperature, blood pressure and checked his blood oxygen levels.

“Slight fever, and the coughing has the blood pressure up a bit, but ox levels are good,” the nurse said as she jotted things down on a form. “Okay, let’s put you in a room and the doctor will be with you soon.”

She led us into an examination room. Dieter slumped on the exam table, the paper crinkling and crunching underneath him. I settled in an uncomfortable chair and we waited. And waited.

“This is ridiculous,” Dieter said after we’d been in the exam room for nearly twenty minutes. “We’re wasting our time.”

“No we’re not,” I said.  “Just be patient.” I chuckled. “Get it, you’re a patient … so you need to be patient.”

He just shook his head and flipped me off. So much for making him laugh. 

The doctor finally came in, a flustered looking young Indian woman. “So sorry for the wait,” she said. “I’m Dr. Pradesh. We’re short staffed today because of this flu.” She looked at the file in her hand. “Which you appear to have, Mr. Bravo.” She smiled apologetically.

She quickly examined Dieter, looking in his ears, up his nose, and listening to his heart and lungs. “Okay,” she said when she was done. “Lungs are definitely congested but I don’t hear anything too concerning.” She pulled out a prescription pad. “I’m going to get you some cough syrup with codeine, which should help. It’s stronger than the over the counter stuff you’ve been taking. And an inhaler to open up the bronchial passages.” She turned to me.

“I take it you’re looking after him,” she said. I nodded. “Rest, lots of fluids, make sure he takes his meds,” she said, ticking each item off on her fingers. “This virus usually runs its course in about two weeks, but the first week is the worst. He should start feeling better in a few days.”

She handed me the prescription form and smiled at Dieter. “I hope you feel better, Mr. Bravo,” she said. “If your symptoms get worse, call us or your primary doctor.” She shook his hand, then mine, and was gone.

The nurse popped in a moment later with some paperwork in her hand. “Okay, you’re ready to go.” She hesitated a moment. “Um, I know you aren’t feeling well, but … do you think I could get an autograph?”

Dieter sighed, but smiled and took the pen she shyly offered. He scribbled his signature on a scrap of paper and we were on our way.

“Sorry,” I said as we buckled ourselves into the car. 

“For what?”

“You feel like crap and still got accosted by a fan,” I said.

He shrugged. “She was very polite about it. I wouldn’t call it being accosted.”

“Still,” I said, as I backed the car out of the parking space. “I know it’s annoying.”

“Not your fault,” he said, before starting to cough violently again. 

We stopped at CVS on the way home. “You can wait in the car if you don’t feel like going in,” I told him and after a moment he nodded.

“If you don’t mind,” he said. He looked exhausted. I kissed him on the forehead and held out my hand for his wallet.

Fortunately the pharmacy had no line and I got his prescriptions after a short wait. Still, Dieter was asleep by the time I got back to the car. He was slumped in the passenger seat, his mouth hanging slightly open. I felt a sudden surge of love for him. Despite the way he’d been driving me crazy, I knew it was the virus that made him so grumpy and needy. All I wanted was for him to feel better.

I got into the car as quietly as I could, but he still woke up. “I’m awake,” he mumbled as he sat up straighter. 

“You’re fine, babe,” I told him, placing the pharmacy bag on his lap. “Now let’s get you home.”

*****************************

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay in the guest room?” Dieter asked after I’d gotten him home, back in pajamas, into bed, fed, and medicated.

“Why? Are you sick of me already? Get it? Sick.” I asked. I hopped onto the bed next to him.

“Fuck off,” he said, shaking his head.

“I’m not going anywhere” I told him. “Got to take care of you, sweetie.” I kissed him on the cheek. 

“You don’t have to do that,” he said. “I’ll be fine. I’m not a kid,” he grumped, but I could see a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. He liked the idea of me taking care of him.

“You’re acting like one,” I retorted. “Everyone does, when they’re sick. And what does a sick kid want most? To be taken care of.” I slid my arm around his shoulders and pulled him close. “Which is exactly what I’m going to do.”

“I love you,” he mumbled into my hair.

“I love you, too,” I replied. “But please don’t get snot in my hair.”

He started laughing, which turned into another coughing fit. I patted his back and handed him a cough drop from my pocket. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” he said when he stopped coughing. “Thanks for taking such good care of me.”

“It’s my job,” I said. He raised an eyebrow at me. “It’s in the fiancé job description. Section fourteen, paragraph five. ‘Take care of him when he’s sick, even if he acts like a giant baby.’”

“Very funny,” he said. “Now, what does it say in that job description about doing my laundry?”

I sighed. It was going to be a long week. 

**************************************************

“How the hell is it already February 18th?” Dieter was feeling better and was catching up on emails. 

“Well, first it was February 1st, and then days went by …”

He gave me the stink-eye. “Ha ha, very funny,” he said. “I missed Valentine’s Day. I had stuff planned and everything.”

“It’s no big deal,” I told him. “Valentine’s Day is a very overrated holiday, anyway. To be honest, it was nice not to be surrounded by teenagers carrying around balloons and stuffed animals and all that stupid shit.”

“But it was our first Valentine’s Day together, and I missed it,” Dieter said. “That doesn’t bode well.” He frowned. 

“I don’t need chocolates or flowers or any of that stuff,” I reassured him. “I’m just glad you’re feeling better. And we can do something special next year, if you want.” I was going through my own emails, which included several from Oladele offering suggestions for wedding venues. Without me even realizing it, she had been hired as my personal assistant and I already didn’t know what I would do without her. “Hey, speaking of flowers, do you think we need some for the wedding?” Oladele had gotten some quotes from florists.

“What? That’s months away,” Dieter said.

”June is only four months away and it’ll be here before we know it,” I replied. “We really need to sit down and go over things. Like where, when, and who’s invited. And flowers, food, cake …” I sighed. “Even for a low key wedding, there’s a lot to think about.”

Dieter waved his hand in the air. “Get some roses, a cake with white frosting, a few bottles of champagne and sparkling cider … boom! A wedding.”

”You’re no help.”

”My head’s still full of mucus and shit,” he said. “Give me a couple of days and then we’ll sit down and go over stuff.” I could tell he was getting tired and grumpy and I cut him some slack. I knew from experience that the flu took a lot out of you.

**************************************************

Two days later, I went grocery shopping. Dieter’s appetite had come back and we were completely out of snacks. When I got home, I opened the front door to the scent of roses. “What the hell? Dieter, can I get some help with the groceries?”

There was no reply and I stepped further in. There were bouquets of roses all over the living room, dozens and dozens of roses: red, white, pink, and silver, in glass vases tied with ribbons. A large heart shaped box of chocolates was in the center of the coffee table, next to a teddy bear holding a red velvet heart that read “I ❤️U.”

”Dieter!” I yelled. “Where are you and why did a drug store Valentine’s aisle throw up in our living room?”

He appeared in the doorway, wearing a red satin robe over black silk pajamas. “I told you I had plans,” he said, batting his eyelashes at me.

”Well, can we get the groceries in and put away first?”

He sighed and stumbled off to find his Crocs. “You have no sense of romance,” he grumped.

Once we’d fetched the food and put everything away, I let Dieter lead me back to the living room. “Have a seat, my sweet,” he said, with a deep bow. He pulled a fancy box from underneath the couch and placed it in my lap. I untied the red velvet ribbon and opened the box to reveal a lacy black silk nightgown and red satin robe that matched his. “You go change into that,” he said, “and I’ll get the rest of your surprise ready.”

I normally preferred cotton night clothes but the feel of the silk and satin against my skin was sensual. Not exactly something I’d want to wear all night, but it definitely set the stage for sexy times. So I was truly surprised when I went back into the living room and found Dieter with his glasses on and a notebook in his hand.

”What’s going on?”

”I am about to do the most romantic thing any man has ever done,” he said dramatically. He picked up the remote. “I’m going to turn off the television and give you my undivided attention and we are going to plan our wedding.” He nodded toward the coffee table, where both of our iPads were turned on and nestled amongst a selection of brochures. “Oladele sent me all her stuff.”

I sank onto the couch. “You never cease to amaze me, Dieter Fucking Bravo.” 

“We’ll get to that part later,” he said with a wink. “Right now, let’s plan a wedding.”

Two hours — and a bag of chips and several of the chocolates from the fancy box — later, we had a rough plan. A secular ceremony on the beach, small reception with finger foods and cake, not too many flowers (because of the wind off the ocean). Freddy would be his best man and Sam would be my maid of honor. We even narrowed it down to three venues: a public beach that had an area that could be reserved for private functions, a private beach that could be rented for a hefty fee but included catering, and the backyard of a producer friend of Dieter’s, which backed onto a private beach.

”Okay, so guest list,” I said, scanning the checklist that Oladele had sent us. “Freddy, Leila and the kids, that’s four. And Sam, her husband and kids, that’s another five, so we’re up to nine.”

”Dominic and his family,” Dieter said. “That brings us to thirteen. Oh, and Oladele. That’s fourteen.”

”Carmen,” I said. “That’s fifteen.”

Dieter named a few other people from “the business” which brought our total up to twenty three. “How about your family? Just your aunt and uncle or do we have to invite all the cousins, too?”

”Just Aunt Helen and Uncle Jeremiah,” I said. “We’ll put them up at a fancy hotel, just to make her squirm a little.” I laughed. “Actually, I think she’ll enjoy it. I don’t think they’ve had a real vacation, just the two of them, in forever.”

Dieter nodded. “That’s twenty five. That’s a good number, unless you want to invite anyone from your old job?”

”Don’t forget your dad,” I added. “That makes twenty six.” Dieter made a face. “Look, I know you aren’t on the best of terms with him but there is no way he’s not coming to our wedding. Between the two of us we only have one parent living, and he has to be there.”

Dieter pursed his lips. “It’ll be twenty seven if he comes,” he said tersely, “because he’ll bring her.”

”Her?”

”His wife.”

“I didn’t know you had a stepmother.”

”She’s not my stepmother,” Dieter said fiercely. “She’s his wife.”

”Sorry. Is she that bad?”

He shook his head and sighed. “No, actually, she’s pretty great. Just a normal, nice lady who loves him and …” He closed his eyes. “Freddy’s kids call her Grandma. Which is fine. It’s just …”

”I get it,” I said, taking his hand in mine. I never stopped being amazed at how big his hands were. Dieter was a big man, strong — and very fragile. “I wish your mom could be there. My parents, too. They would have loved you.”

He lifted my hand to his lips. “I wish I could have met them. And my mom — I know she was problematic. I know she was selfish and Dad was better off after she left but damn it, I loved her so much.”

I let him cry against my shoulder. “I know. I know. She was your mom.” I rubbed his back and waited until he was able to compose himself. He sat back, his eyes red and his nose streaming snot. I handed him a tissue from the box that was still on the coffee table from his cold.

He blew his nose and wiped his face. “Probably not the best time to try to seduce you, huh?” His smile was tentative, but it was genuine.

”Actually, I kind of like the blotchy-faced, snot-nosed look,” I said. I shoved his notebook away and straddled his lap. With only two thin layers of silk between us, I could feel every inch of his body beneath me.

”Good, ‘cause it’s my signature look,” he said, his hands sliding down to grip my hips.

And that was the end of wedding planning for the time being. After all, June was months and months away.

[breakfastteatime]

Today's request is for @isaspell who requested 'Childhood' and that somehow led to...

Cal’s clan is off to the aquarium for a field trip. He’s excited to see the fish, but mostly he’s excited for lunch, because Master Entola promised everyone could have a sweet treat and he’s already chosen a milkshake because those sound amazing. They’ve all packed into the air coach, and he’s taken a window seat, Aster at his side. She’s a little bit older than him, quiet and shy around those who don’t know her, but imaginative and cheerful with Cal.

And she’s got a great idea: they’re going to sneak off and swim with the rabbit sharks.

Cal’s all for it; he’s even packed a dry set of clothes so no one finds out, except Master Entola’s apprentice, Padawan Midi, keeps staring at them like he knows they’re up to something. Aster wants to try though because she’s older than Cal – twelve already – and she’s going to begin training as a healer soon, which means she’ll be leaving the clan and they won’t have a chance to travel into the city together.

It's a long trip to the aquarium. At first, Cal looks out the window, marvelling at how big and busy Coruscant is. So many people flying around doing all kinds of things in all kinds of buildings. After ten minutes though, it all starts to get a bit repetitive. So many skyscrapers, so many vehicles, and so many tunnels into the undercity where they’ve been told they’re never, ever, to go, even though Cal found an echo on Padawan Midi’s teacup that showed he had been to the undercity with many of his friends. It all starts to blur, and even though Aster’s making plans and dishing out orders, Cal falls asleep. By the time he wakes up, the bus has docked and it’s time to go. Aster grabs his hand, chatting excitedly about her plan. Cal hushes her. Padawan Midi stares at them again, especially at Cal. Maybe he can read minds already; some Jedi are really good at that. Cal isn’t. Aster always knows what other people are feeling, which is why she’s going to be such a good healer. If Cal ever needs a healer again, he hopes Aster can be the one to help him.

The children are split into smaller groups. Cal wants to go with Master Entola, but he’s placed with Padawan Midi. At least he’s got Aster with him, and Yumi and Caster. They’ll cover for them when he and Aster make a break for it. They’re Jedi, so there’s no way they’ll fail in their mission.

As they walk through the aquarium, looking at different sea creatures from across the galaxy, bubbly, ambient music plays. The lighting is dim and tinted blue, shimmering to make it seem like they’re under the sea, and there are lots of other people around. There are other children too, probably on trips from the local Coruscant schools. Most of them stare open-mouthed as Cal and his friends go by. Cal remembers to block out other people’s thoughts and feelings, although he does catch a few stray emotions. One grown-up is amazed because they didn’t think Jedi children were allowed out of the Temple. Another swells with jealousy, wishing he too could use the Force and solve all his problems. Cal can’t imagine life without the Force, so he just feels sorry for him.

Eventually, they reach the massive tank where the rabbit-sharks of Pia VI live. Cal’s never seen such a huge tank, and it’s designed to look like the depths of an ocean, complete with a sunken ship for all the fish to swim through. There’s plenty of seating available so everyone can sit while they stare. Padawan Miri reminds them they’re all here to learn about the different life forms to be found in the galaxy and suggests everyone start filling out their worksheets on their datapads. Cal pulls his out of his backpack and pretends to write, but really he’s looking for the doorway Aster says will take them to the top of the tank so they can jump in.

“You are very distracted today, Cal.”

Padawan Miri’s voice makes Cal leap out of his skin. “S-sorry,” he says. Blushing, he looks down at his datapad. “I’ll do my work now.”

“Good boy,” says Padawan Miri, and he moves on to see what Caster’s doing, probably because she’s drawing a lot, pointy tongue sticking out of her mouth. Caster’s the best artist in their clan even though she’s the youngest. It’s how the Force expresses itself through her, and how she deals with the strange dreams she sometimes has. Cal knows, because he picked up one of her drawings once (flames and smoke, coming from a tower) and he felt her fear.

With Padawan Miri distracted, and the rabbit-shark chamber filling up with people, including lots of other children, Cal knows this is their chance. Aster nudges him, grinning, and she slides her datapad away. Cal does the same, heart pounding in his chest. He’s so excited – they’re really going to swim with a rabbit-shark! They make a careful break for it, slipping through the crowd. Aster’s in the lead, like always, and she’s found the door Cal was looking for. It’s on the left side of the tank, and there’s a big sign on it stating STAFF ONLY.

Well, if it’s STAFF ONLY, maybe they should’ve locked it, because Miri nudges the button with the Force and it slides back immediately. They dash through and follow the staircase that leads up, up, up, up. There’s no one here. Cal can hear the water lapping on the side of the tank, smell its overpowering salty scent. It’s kinda gross, actually. He puts his datapad away and then leaves his backpack off to one side. He peers down into the water, but all the fish are way down deep. He can swim, but not all the way down there.

“Help me find some food!” Aster says. “That way, we can bring them all to us.”

Nodding, Cal looks around and sees a huge bucket marked ‘CHUM’. He grabs the handle, ready to tell Aster he –

She can’t believe he proposed. Proposed! And here, in her favourite place in the whole galaxy! Now, if she can convince her boss to let them have the actual ceremony here…

Cal blinks back to the present, glowing with someone else’s happiness. Aster just laughs at him, grabs the bucket, and starts throwing the chum into the water.

It doesn’t take long for the fish, including one of the rabbit sharks, to suddenly break the surface. Aster squeals with delight, reaching out to pet as many of them as she can. She giggles. “They’re so slippery!”

Following her lead, Cal reaches for the rabbit shark. His hand lands between its big ears, the skin beneath his fingers bouncy and slippery. Cal gives scritches to as many of the fish as he can, laughing at them all. There are a lot of them, so many the water’s all churned up. He’s not entirely sure how they’ll even get in the water when there’s so many –

“Cal! Aster!”

It’s not Padawan Miri shouting at them. It’s Master Entola.

“Come here at once!”

Aster and Cal share a look. Busted. Still, Cal thinks as he stands back, grabs his backpack and turns to face Master Entola, it was definitely worth it…

…although he’s not so sure he still feels that way when he and Aster are assigned extra chores and meditation on why they mustn’t run off, and he’s definitely not happy about missing out on ‘saber practice for one whole week…

But not many people can say they got to pat a rabbit-shark…

[elsandifer]

what other shows would you recommend me in the ilk of doctor who? i'm a primarily moffat stan, so obviously hopping on sherlock. and buffy and supernatural both seem like occupying the same fandom space as doctor who did at the time. you got any other recommendations?

I don’t know that I’d especially recommend Buffy or Supernatural. I mean, Supernatural is a fifteen season show where even its defenders tend to admit it jumped the shark after season 5. There’s 327 episodes of the fucking thing. For me, at least, the pleasures that Moffat-era Doctor Who offers really aren’t on display over that kind of length. Part of why Moffat-era Doctor Who is good is that there’s six seasons over eight years, an average of about a dozen episodes per season, and they’re all at least trying to be good. That’s just not the American network television model, which generates twice that many episodes every single year, and thus has many more stretches of baleful filler. There are far more good episodes over the Moffat era’s 84 than there are over Supernatural’s, what, four times that? That doesn’t apply quite as much to Buffy. There’s only seven seasons, and a higher baseline of quality. Plus Whedon’s quippy dialogue is adjacent to Moffat and owes the same debt to screwball comedy. But even there… idk. I don’t especially think revisiting Buffy in the year of our lord 2024 is a super worthwhile endeavor. Its moment has very definitively passed. Honestly the only American network show I’d recommend as particularly Moffat-Who adjacent is the first four seasons of The West Wing. Sorkin’s another post-screwball writer, and through a genuinely staggering feat of cocaine has a writing credit on eighty-five of the eighty-eight episodes. It’s still not as even as Moffat Doctor Who, and the politics are… well, I’ve literally written an essay on that. But it scratches the itch really well.

Mostly, though, I’d stick to shows with shorter seasons. Mr. Robot doesn’t really stick the ending, but matches the Moffat era’s frantic sense of pushing itself. Penn and I have just been working our way through Halt and Catch Fire, which after its first season becomes driven primarily by two distinctly Clara-adjacent characters. Not quite my cup of tea, but The Good Place is probably a really solid recommendation.

[nkirukaj]

Fawning for You (15)

Pairing: Alastor x Voe (Fem!OC)

Warnings: Swearing, Descriptions of Gross things

Genre: Angst (& Humor!)

Word Count: 3K

15. Best of Wives and Best of Women

“Let’s show this bitch who’s in charge,” she says fastening on a metal arm

______________________________

Her period came the next day, but it didn’t come out of her vagina, it came out of her mouth. For days upon days, she was throwing up blood, chunks, and clots. She took two vials and was disgusted at the idea of having to reingest it.

“Hello?” she called the King on the phone

“Hey, how we doin’?” 

She was enraged by his chipper tone “I got all the blood,”

“That’s great! Got Alastor’s blood?”

“Yes,” 

“Great! Now put it in a ceramic bowl and mix with your fingers,”

“Um, my blood has clots in it, is that okay?”

“Um no,”

“I have to take them out?”

“Yep,”

She goes and follows his instructions while on the phone with him “I swear Lucifer if this is some kind of joke,” she says raising the bowl to her lips

“Oh, this is no joke. This could kill you,”

“I did it in a ceramic bowl with my hands,”

“Okay, now take a small spoonful and eat it,”

“Does the type of spoon matter?”

“I… don’t think so,”

“You don’t know?!”

“I literally told you this is the first time I’m doing this!”

She lids her eyes “So I only need to eat a spoonful?”

“Small spoonful. Small,”

She takes out a small spoon “Okay okay,” she stares at the spoonful and closes her eyes before drinking it. She gags many times “I’m guessing I can’t throw this up either,” she says between gags

“Nope!”

“Okay, now I’m drawing the pentagram,”

“Pay attention Voe, this is very important. The way you do this will affect what kind of baby you have,”

“Okay, I did it,” 

“That fast?” he sounds worried

“Do you want me to show you?”

“No no! Don’t show me!”

“Well now I’m scared, I wanna show you!”

“No! Don’t!! Okay, what time is it?”

She looks up and down “You don’t know what time it is? Just look at your phone,”

“Voe just tell me the time,”

Voe looks down at her phone “It’s..one,”

“It will start to take effect at three,”

“Of course, it will. And how much will it hurt?”

“You want me to get into the details again?”

Shakes her head “No, never mind,”

“Listen, you’ll be fine…It’ll be like a nightmare,”

“How long will this last?”

He inhales “I’m not sure, but I forget how long the witching hour is,”

She looks around “It’s one hour Lucifer,”

“So…maybe one hour, maybe?”

“Oh, my goodness. And when will you be here”

“I will be there when you get up!”

“Okay…I’m sending you a picture!” she hits send and hangs up. 

Voe ties her shirt up, to not mess up the Pentagram, and she zips up her oversized vest to cover it. She puts the bowl in the sink. She stands up straight and takes a breath. 

“I know you’re usually up this late, but what are you doing down here?”

Voe jumps at the voice of her husband, she turns around to see his ever-present grin, with suspicious-looking eyes. “Hey!” she says a little too loud

“Hello?”

“What are you doing?” she asked

He starts to circle her like a shark “I just heard some noise down here and decided to come and see. And here you are,”

“Here I am,” she sounds nervous

“What are you doing?” He sounds like an adult grilling a child

She inhales “I was just…eating,”

“Eating what?”

She tilts her head “Why are you grilling me?”

“Hmm, I suppose you’re right. Would you like some company in your room tonight?”

“No!” she answers quickly

Alastor squints, his anger growing “No?”

“No, I think I need space tonight,”

He looks her up and down “Fine,”

“Sorry,”

Alastor leaves the kitchen with his back turned to her, very coldly. Every step that he took made his rage bubble like a pot of soup. She was lying and he knew it. She thought he was dumb, dumb enough to believe in that innocent look in her eyes. Was she unfaithful? She had been speaking to Lucifer at great length. Alastor’s fingers danced along his cane as they itched for violence. He did not want to believe his theory, but if it turned out to be true, he couldn’t be held responsible for what he might do.

Voe lays on her bed shirtless and waits for the hours to tick by. She’s waiting for the world of pain that she was told about, but it was worse than she ever could have imagined. It was rip your hair out of your scalp pain. Like your skin is being peeled off pain, like your spine is being ripped out pain. It took everything she had not to scream a the top of her lungs, she almost suffocated herself trying to keep down the noise. It was torture, and suddenly, it was over. Voe looks over at the time and it is 5 AM when the pain stops. Seems like the witching hour was a little longer than expected.

She looks over to her phone when it lights up with a new text

Hey 🦆 how’s it going?

She’s drenched in sweat when she reaches over to respond

It just ended 

can I wash the blood off now?

Shud b gone

She looks down and sees that the pentagram she took so much time to get perfect has vanished.

it’s gone

great! 😅

so what next?

Now u wait! ⏰

See u tomorrow! 🌅

______________________

“Welcome back!” They all call out as Lucifer walks through the door, most demons are either indifferent or smiling. Alastor is in the back trying to keep smiling when he really wants to snarl. The first person that Lucifer goes for is his daughter

“Happy to see me?” he asks Charlie

“Of course, dad,” she pauses before going in for another hug

The very next person he goes to is Voe, their embrace is deep and long she closes her eyes as she hugs him.

“Hey!” he says when they pull apart

“Hi! You’re finally back!” “Yeah, you practically threatened me,”

“Well, it didn’t stop you from saying no before,”

“Mhmm, I am strictly here on business,” Lucifer looks around and whispers in her ear “Where’s the baby daddy?”

She squints “I don’t know if I like you saying that, she chuckles

“Is he not the father of the child?” he whispers back

She rolls her eyes “Yes,”

“Then baby daddy,”

Voe smirks and looks around “Alastor,” she calls for her husband

“Hmm?” he asks far behind the two of them simply watching

“He’s over there,” she points toward him

“Trouble in paradise?”

She leans into the King’s ear “It’s getting hard hiding this,”

“Well, it was your idea to hide it,”

“I know that, but I don’t want to get anyone’s hope up and then it doesn’t work,”

He shrugs “Well you have to roll with the punches,”

“That’s easy for you to just shrug off, he thinks I’m lying to him,”

“Voe I don’t know what you want me to do about that,”

“I just want you to listen,”

“I’m listening but I’m not hearing anything that I can do,”

“Whatever Lucifer, ugh men,”

“Don’t have an attitude with me. You wanted my help.”

She rolls her eyes again “Okay, I get it. Go make yourself comfortable,” Lucifer touches her shoulder as he walks past her.

Alastor’s eyes moved along with Lucifer, he was getting a bit too handsy with his wife. What had they been whispering about? And that hug had been awfully deep. He watched as his wife stared longingly after the king and his rage increased steadily, his fingers unable to stay still. But he still needed more facts than this to conclude on what fate she should suffer.

“Casper,”

“Yes,”

“How many therapists do we have now?”

“Umm..5”

“Okay, that’s better. Do we have any interested sinners yet?”

He looks at his clipboard “No, unless you could Alastor,”

“I don’t”

“Then no. Have you been advertising? Maybe you should do a live?”

“I don’t know how to advertise it. Especially with Alastor being the first volunteer,”

“Well if the Radio Demon admits that he needs help then anyone can,”

“I don’t know how he would feel about that,”

“Don’t ask, just do it,”

She grimaces and groans at the idea

“What?”

“I know you don’t know about this, but I kind if betrayed his trust in the past. I know that he’s only doing this for me, but I don’t know if he wants other people t know about it,”

“Well we have to do something, or we’re going to be stuck with 5 therapists and zero patients,”

She lowers her head “Ugh, this is why I wanted Angel,”

“Have you talked to him since?”

“Yeah, once. Then he told me to never talk to him again,”

“Oh damn,”

“Yeah, it’s a tough subject for him,”

“Maybe you can say that in your live. Talk about how it’s tough,”

Voe stares into the distance “I have an idea,”

“What?”

“I was talking to my husband and he was saying that if he needs help then so do I. What if I did it?”

“You as the first patient? Are you ready for that?”

She looks away “I don’t think anybody is,”

“But are you ready?”

“Sure,” 

“Okay. Do you want to livestream your first session?”

Voe groans

“So when do you want to see your first therapist?”

“Make it happen by the end of the week,”

“Great!”

She knocks on Alastor’s bedroom door which opens on its own, allowing her to step inside. 

“Alastor! I have some good news!”

“And what’s that?” he asks appearing behind her and closing the door

“I will be participating in my hospital endeavor,” she clasps her hands

His eyes widen “Oh! So you’ll be your own guinea pig?”

“Yes! What better to get sinners to try it than if I do?”

“And what if you don’t like it?”

“I don’t think anybody likes being told about their issues. I would also still like you to participate, as long as that’s all right,”

“I am fine as long as you are doing it,”

“We want to get this done by the end of the week,”

He puts his arms behind his back “Then I guess you need to get to it,”

She glances up at her husband “I have a question,” she says apprehensively

“Okay…”

Voe hesitates “Would you be…upset if I were to use your participation as part of advertising the hospital?”

He squints, and pauses before answering “Of course not! As long as you do something for me,”

She smiles “Another deal?”

“Just a small favor,”

Voe tilts her head “What is it?”

“Stay away from Lucifer,”

Voe’s eyes bulge “I- what?”

“Stay away from Lucifer,” he repeats, slower this time

She pulls her hand up to her chest “Why?”

“Why do you want to be near him so badly?”

“I…I need him,”

“You need him?” his eyes narrow

She inhales “Yes, and he’s my friend,”

“Then why doesn’t your friend help you with this, since you need him?”

“I figured my husband could help me,”

“Then why doesn’t your friend help you?”

She looks away “He is! Just with something else,”

“With what?”

Voe thinks for a moment “Are you jealous?”

“No, I just don’t understand why you can’t do something for me, but I have to do something for you,”

“You don’t!”

“I don’t?” 

She grabs her arm “Well, no I just would like you to,”

“And I would like you to do something for me, which clearly you can’t do,”

Voe walks up to him “Alastor I will do anything else for you, just not that. I can’t do that,”

“Fine,” he spits, clearly enraged

She reaches out for him “Alastor,” she calls softly

“What?”

“I love you,”

“Hmm,” he responds before dissipating

“I don’t know if y’all have heard of my hospital, but I will be the first patient and my session will be at the end of the week! How do we feel about that?”

lolllll can’t wait 2 c her in a psych ward

getting her crazy on

u gettin a lobotomy????

“No, I’m not getting a lobotomy. It’s just therapy. You know, you talk about your problems and the therapist tells you why you act like that and gives you a plan to improve yourself,”

sounds boring

booo

hmmm i might give that a shot

“Who better to test it out than me? Right?”

gud luck

better u thn me

ur gonna do great!

“Wish me luck!” she says before ending the live. Voe taps the back of her phone, wondering what it was that she was getting into.

______________________________

Alastor cuts his eye as his wife interacts with the King of Hell, he had known her before, before he did actually. And had he come back to taste more? More of his wife? They cease their whispering and go to embrace, him leading her into his office. Alastor’s eyes shined bright in the shadows where he stood, he listened intently for any rhythmic movement, but he heard nothing. Perhaps they kept the debauchery silent? Perhaps they were only necking? In his experience Voe always had a difficult time keeping herself quiet when his lips were on her neck, maybe she’d always had the skill and she never used it on him. But it would come in handy when hiding an affair. Alastor inched closer to the door and was greeted with a loud noise that turned out to be Lucifer coughing.

“Sorry,” he says between coughs

He must have been penetrating her orally and couldn’t handle it. Alastor smirks, Amateur, he thinks before he remembers that it was his wife who was getting this treatment from a man who was not him. He needed more facts, more info before he acted, but he was already getting closer and closer to that point

“What do you think?” Voe asks as Lucifer examines her

“Welp, she’s rowdy!”

She looks up quickly “Wait, she?”

“Wait, sorry no. I was talking about your heart. Your heart is going crazy. That’s not good,”

“What does that mean?”

“Uhh, well…it means you should probably chillax a bit. Calm down,”

She drops her arms “Well how am I supposed to do that? I run three businesses and my husband thinks I’m lying to him about something. He asked me to stay away from you,”

He rolls his eyes “Of course he did. Drama Queen,”

“And I’m worried I might die from this,”

Lucifer stands “Well, only one of those things is something you should actually be worried about, the rest can fall by the wayside. You need to relax or you could lose your baby, or worse-“

“Die,” they say at the same time “So you are positive that there is a baby in there?”

“I am positive that there’s a living organism in there. Do not get your hopes up for a baby. It could be-“

“A miscarriage?”

“That or it could be a lizard,”

She squints “What do I do if it’s a lizard?”

“Do you want a lizard baby?”

“No,”

“Then throw it in a fireplace, or dumpster, or sell it. Maybe keep it in as a pet!” She seems horrified “Can we just make sure that I don’t have a lizard baby?”

“You need to make sure that you don’t have a lizard baby. No stress! Why not go to that therapy thing you were talking about?”

“Blah blah blah, I’m going,”

“That’s what your lizard baby will say. Blah blah blah,”

“Stop!” She whines, punching him as he laughs

Lucifer opens the door “Now go somewhere and lay down or something!” slamming the door behind her

“Casper,”

“Mhmm?” “For the rest of the week, you need to handle my affairs,”

He looks around “Oh, um okay sure,”

“I need to take a break, from now until Sunday everyone reports to you,”

“Okay,”

“Tell them that,”

“Got it,”

“I’m gonna go and lay down,”

Voe lays down on her back, unsure of what to do. Should she take a nap? Scroll on her phone? Read a book? What do people do when they rest? She stared up at the ceiling in silence, all her thoughts clouding her mind, until she drifts off to sleep.

_______________________

Voe is in the kitchen and Charlie approached

“Vera!” Charlie screams “You’re in labor!

“Wait, how did you know my name?”

“AAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHH!” 

Voe is suddenly lying on the kitchen table with her knees spread open, everyone screaming around her. A scaly hand reached out from her vagina and grabs Angel Dust and pulling him in

“Voe what have you done?!” Charlie screams

“Wait, what?”

“I knew you were up to something,” Alastor stands next to her calmly shaking his head

“Something’s coming out!” Vaggis screams

A Komodo dragon crawls out of her vagina and spits out Angel’s boots, roaring like an actual dragon and then letting out a fawn squeak.

“I told you,” Lucifer breathes fire throughout the hotel, setting it on fire

“Oh my gosh! Voe! Why would you do that?”

Alastor is holding a stack of papers “Here’s the divorce papers, my dear,”

Voe is screaming at the top of her lungs when Taylor Swift pops out “You are now officially divorced! Into the fireplace, you go!”

The other hotel staff and residents picked her up and carried her to the fireplace, while she watched her lizard baby cheering them on. She burns to death as they all tell her

“THIS IS YOUR FAULT!!!!”

Voe wakes up in a sweat, it’s the middle of the night and she is alone, she looks down at her stomach and sees it move a little, but not much. She removes her shirt and then collapses on the bed once more as she has to remind herself that none of that nightmare is real.

[spiderh0rse]

freeman's mind notes part two, e6-e10.5. under cut, long. formatting is different this time. will carry on in this way.

e6

"safety's off" sir. Sir you've just said it was a Glock. You fool. You absolute buffoon.

"clip" IT IS A MAGAZINE

I cannot respect a man who watches Die Hard this much. I just can't.

love how he reacts to the houndeye teleporting in. Flat "No."

mimics houndeye noise :>

heard Gman movin around on the catwalk above

electricity doesn't do a ton to him this first go around but does hurt and seems to paralyze him for a moment. Muscles seizing and all that

rescinds his disdain for everyone who died. Admits it's a bit difficult to live under the circumstances

"white men in armoured hazmat suits can't jump" SIR

[underwater mumbling] sounds pretty damn frantic. Genuine fear of dying by his own hand. I'd wager he thinks he's the only one that could do it.

bounces back quickly!

just goes and shoves some words together. For fun!

dislikes the ammo being covered in blood. Considers leaving it behind because if that

impacts still hurt. High impact reactive armour this is Not

e7

simian instincts strike again

has seen star trek

"maybe i should've been a bug" well I can study you like one. How's that sound

Kafka's Metamorphosis mention! It's Gregor Samsa that actually turns into a bug though, so. May not have read it.

knows who Shiva is! Not sure of her origin but she does show up in ff7, which is within his range to know about

bullsquid acid tastes like dead caterpillar

yog'sothoth :>

held his mouth open in the canal. Dude.

mouth cancer...

hates puns.

Black Mesa gets money from the dept. of defense

slur count one

is this hl source? Do the crates sway in the ported version?

correctly figures out the useless crate pit room

hates elevator music

e8

audio inconsistent :(

bug murder D: I love bugs.

shouting and breaking stuff in grad school did not help him

says grody. Like a loser.

threatens a man's life again. Doesn't seem to mean it.

calms down easily enough by breakin things

wants to blow up the building. He won't know it but it will be. Your will be honored, sir

came home to a guy impaled on his window's insulated glass. Explained that to the police.

"kind of like glass in a way" fragile and lacking a smell? got it

"GYAHH" high pitched scream!

has been hit by many tasers over dates.

pepper spray is worse.

first instance of sonic damage (gun in air vent)

some guy named Jessie would electrocute himself on his bed and end up paralyzed for an hour for fun. Sounds fun tbh

Steve Irwin... Rest in peace and let's kill all sting rays now

does ask a cowering scientist if he's okay

somehow doesn't see the shotgun in plain sight waiting for him

doesn't always know when he's thinking out loud

e9

peppered steak just like OFF

visibly contemplates shooting a regular bug

actively admits he was considering cannibalism. I can get behind that. Cannibalism win.

"pew!!"

roleplays as a teacher who hits kids with crowbars

wants to be a medieval knight so bad

no vent sharks for us! fan blades instead

afraid of muppets

has whistled Twice now

has seen Jurassic Park.

wishes he could shoot electricity through his hands

has probably seen James Bond

already theorizing about Xens makeup

more bothered by a barnacles death coating him in blood and potentially jamming his gun than being choked

shot in the ear :>

whistles in time with the turret. Echolalia real

doesn't want to look gay. Too late. Even if we assume base Freeman model he does have a ponytail.

slur count two.

HEADCRAB SLAUGHTER PARTY

sounds like he likes coffee and doughnuts

e10

starts off with silly noises and repeating the word "coffee" on loop

Chainsaw noise with his mouth

jason vorhees wannabe

would love to spread bloodborne diseases via hug

has a collection that a human skull would fit right in with. Bones in general? Skulls in general? Human skulls? Doesn't matter, Eddie mention! As of him getting more skulls in cheap.

wants his funeral to be full of explosives and planes

he is not a gerbil.

feels he's only sure of his actions when killing things

watches Jackie Chan movies

and the Addams Family!

gman sighting.

thinks the guy diving through the window is cool. compares him to his own grandfather? neat!

unlike stark can do a pull-up in his suit

cannot break the vending machine glass. has change on him, though. Dorito time.

[accirax]

initial thoughts on DCAS episode 14

top 10 sentences said moments before disaster

choose your fighter: Derek "Kristal really isn't that bad once you get to know her" Johnson versus Kristal "I miss when Derek and Trevor weren't a part of this show" McLane. even though the Krisvek shippers are technically winning, i feel like they're really losing. Kristal continues to serve aro realness, though.

Grett and Gabby being actual friends makes me so happy :D (another entry on the top 10 sentences said moments before disaster)

seems like the villains' alliance is over? probably? still, if Grett won't forget this sentiment, we shouldn't forget that she said it.

this honestly makes a lot of sense, even though i hadn't thought about it before. there wasn't really anything keeping her from jumping ship and joining the villains alongside Gabby-- it might've been strategically better for her to be 6th in a 6-person alliance than 5th or 4th in a 5/4-person alliance. she didn't really have any relationships with the villains, but she didn't with the heroes, either. we stan characters making decisions for character reasons!

there was this one boomer meme that my friends used to send to each other every morning: "morning (can't be a good morning because i'm not out fishing)". i think Connor would appreciate that meme.

cackling at the realization that Jake is playing Aiden's gay best friend

okay, spreading this "lie" (they don't actually know it isn't directly true) is a decent enough reason why you think telling the other campers about the kiss would be detrimental to the villains' alliance. thank you for finally explaining yourself, Aiden.

but also, i told you so.

buddy. you don't need a game defining move because, unlike Survivor, there's no jury vote at the end. every finalist's game defining move is just surviving until the end of the game.

Trevor... you're 32, not 12. you can't act like a child when you're six feet and four inches tall. (apologies, i'm going to keep clowning on their ages and heights because so many of them are so funny to me.)

Disventure Camp has so many immediately iconic lines and scenes. this part was hilarious.

SIGHHHHHHH. i obviously have thoughts on this, but we'll get to those when we get to the elimination.

so obviously Ally could just be wrong, but if she's right, it has really interesting implications. looking at the teams, Alec and Connor are clearly the underdogs here. was production trying to get Connor out of the game? it's probably just that they were trying to create teams to "make the most drama," but they seemingly weren't that worried about losing Connor, at least.

congrats for fully getting over your fear of heights bestie

i understand Ally's worry, because she doesn't want to go down if her and Jake lose. however, is it really important how good the dance is if you make it to the end first? Jake is totally right here: they should just move on and try to end the challenge first. not too surprising that we're supposed to side with Jake, though, as this episode is Ally's first step towards villainy.

the faces that all the characters make whilst doing the various dances are so... (/pos?)

i know that this is probably meant to illustrate Grett's character growth but. girlie you literally did the exact same thing when you helped Fiore in the s1 finale. is that why Gabby is grimacing?

THE SHARK WASN'T EVEN MOVING THAT FAST WHEN YOU HOOKED IT??? i love it when Alec defies the laws of nature to win a challenge.

... was the phone not already in the water prior to this? i guess it's more about the proximity from the shore than the wetness, because otherwise the phone Grett is holding should have been destroyed as well.

sighing resumes. look, i hate to be negative, but... sometimes some constructive criticism is needed, especially for beginner writers. (not to say that i couldn't be considered a beginner writer as well, just that we should cut the ONC writing staff some slack for being young and not even starting off trying to become writers.) this elimination was really bad. the whole thing reeks of not knowing how to write yourself out of the supposed deadlock you put yourself in.

however, coming up with a random non-vote elimination was not the way to solve things. there are plenty of ways that this episode could have gone that wouldn't have resulted in a 4-4 vote. i still think that the most natural thing to have happen this episode would have been everyone piling votes on Alec. but, if you really need to keep Alec in the game, you could have changed the prior episodes. as @venus-is-thinking suggested, you could have just let the villains take out another hero (like Aiden) last episode, and then have Grett and Gabby flip on Yul this time. or, you could have gone with my plan, and had Yul flip on the villains to work with the heroes (who had already taken a shot at Gabby once) and vote out Gabby last episode. then, Grett would work with the heroes this episode to take out Yul (likely flipping the order the challenges occurred). that way, you would still have Gabby and Yul out of the game, but not do so by arbitrarily shaking up the rules to disturb Gabby's super stable position.

even if you were going to go with this "the last two players to arrive are at risk of elimination" thing, couldn't you at least have had the other players vote on which of Gabby and Grett to eliminate? that could even have an extra level of intrigue if you decided to pay off on that plot thread of Gabby lying about having an idol right before the merge. all you need is a line from someone in the Gabby vs Tom vote about "we're trying to blindside Gabby here at a time when she wouldn't think to play her idol," and a line from Kristal confirming to the players that "to make it extra spicy, people in the sudden death vote out won't be able to protect themselves with idols or advantages." then, Aiden can tell the group that this would be another good opportunity to take Gabby out when she can't use her idol to protect her. thus, Gabby would be eliminated as a result of lying and playing villainously, AKA what Ellie warned her about.

instead, this vote out comes off as incredibly convoluted, from the premise itself to Gabby having to trip over a rock and having a shark hit their boat to justify why Grett and Gabby came in last in a challenge they otherwise should have been good at. the whole phone swap thing only added insult to injury by making the elimination needlessly complicated. i understand if they didn't want to have Grett win of her own merits, because then it might feel like spending time with Yul was what protected Grett. however, all of that could have been avoided if they'd just had a regular vote out!! or, we could've had Gabby volunteer to step out or something. "even though i love Ellie, i can recognize how braving some time without her really helped me grow as a person. you've barely had any time without Yul yet. i think you need this time more than i do to figure out who you really are without Yul."

i once said that "it's the mark of a great writer if you know how to avoid unnecessary cons, but also turn the ones you do have to deal with into creative, entertaining, and unexpected solutions," and i stand by that. unfortunately, i feel like the writing team struggled to come up with a creative or entertaining solution to the con they found themselves faced with. i certainly don't think that the writers deserve to be at all bullied or harassed for writing a subpar episode of their overall well-made and engaging free internet cartoon, but i do hope they can stomach some of the backlash to this episode and prevent things like it from happening in the future.

shoutout to Grett's VA, she really nailed it in this scene.

to paraphrase Venus, "how is Jake being the emotionally mature one the world that we've come to?"

REAL (affectionate)

i'm so glad that they went in this direction with Connor's backstory; i think it's much more interesting and fitting for him. prior to this, i had felt like they were gassing Connor up too much, and making him out to be some boringly perfect guy. now i know that all those compliments had a point behind them! and honestly, knowing how different Connor and Riya's backstories are, it's probably a reason why they have such different takes on things and might ultimately be incompatible...

yeah, more of this! let's make Connor a bad person!!! :D (/lh) (<- villain enjoyer)

Jake's winner cut grows stronger and stronger by the day. if he or Grett isn't the season winner at this point, I'll be pretty surprised.

thus ends one of the DC episodes ever. i hope and suspect that we'll be back to the regular vote out system next week, which will hopefully be kinder to my power rankings. oh, my power rankings... we'll check back in on the damage there on Wednesday.

overall, i still didn't hate this episode. even if the elimination was kinda BS, the dances were pretty funny, and exploration of Ally and Connor's characters was fascinating and needed. also, i'm going to tentatively put my trust in the writers that they made this choice because they really strongly felt that Gabby's elimination was the best thing for the future moving forward, no matter what they had to sacrifice along the way. if that means great things from Grett and/or Alec and/or whoever else in the future, I'm all for it. see you next time, and sorry for the negative vibes.

[convenient-plot-device]

Hows the dragon prince going? I saw a lot of gifs of s1 when it came out but not much since but idk!! might binge it if its still good after so many seasons!!

I've been watching since it first came out, and I can honestly say it's improved in terms of animation style, expanded a lot in worldbuilding, and the plot has only gotten deeper and more interesting. It's still firmly a kids' show, though, so there are crude jokes (that's the #1 complaint I see). It's still good after this many seasons bc the creators planned for 7 (and number 6 is coming out July 26th!) so the story hasn't dragged much or jumped the shark. I'm personally not a fan of Rayla's new animal sidekick, but that's honestly my only major complaint. Plus, last season we got a new character who is explicitly trans, so that's really cool!

Anyway, all that is to say, it is still good and it will hopefully stay good into season seven! Definitely recommend :)