#this should have been three posts I see that now

[cicadabooks]

「冷徹な殺人機械のはずなのに、弊機はひどい欠陥品です」

Heh, that's neat :D

Above is the Japanese edition translation of "As a heartless killing machine, I was a terrible failure."

Other fun notes, from looking at the Japanese listing/preview (on amazon):

-The 上下 set being sold is the first two books, All Systems Red and Artificial Condition. (Books in Japan are often sold as a set of 上 "top" 下 "bottom" and maybe a 中 "middle" if its a three-set. I'm not sure why. It could be for portability of the books.)

-There's a "Characters who appear in the story" glossary thing in the front.

-The furigana on 殺人ボット is saying that you should read this name as "Ma-da-botto", aka the "Murderbot" English pronunciation. (And not "satsujin botto" which you might otherwise read this as, given the characters used.)

-The first time 弊機 shows up in text (pic below), it also gets furigana, so that everyone knows how this made-up first person pronoun kanji is intended to be read. After that example, no more furigana, you're on your own to remember how to read that.

-In the excerpt, Murderbot speaks pretty polite Japanese when talking to Mensah and other humans, which makes sense. (I wonder if the politeness level changes when its being really snarky later.)

-Murderbot also uses decently polite Japanese in its own narration. I guess I was expecting something more casual? Interesting.

I guess the English narration is no-frills but still precise, so we went with this tone? But there is a lot of casual speech in the English narration... Now I'm looking to see if a funky word like "borked" got translated into anything in particular. (Looks standard so far, at least in that passage.)

-The cover has Murderbot drawn in an anime manga style.... and conceptually that's fine with me, I've seen other Japanese prose books do that style of cover... but this covers shows Murderbot's face and I don't like the decisions around pale skinned light hair blue eyes murderbot face.

There is (IMO) a somewhat androgynous thing going on with the face, which is interesting. (Also, IMO, murderbot looks like a shonen character here and I was expecting maybe like a little older?) Fun design of clothes for the cover of Artificial Condition, tho. Also I just noticed the covers extend into each other with that ship in the background. (I mean the covers are fun, I just have chara design qualms.)

Chat, what do we think of these covers

Anyway, I have been spoiled by fan art.... brown skin, South Asian, Black, various illustrations of murderbot, save me... I can't deal with this pale skin light hair illustration and the TV show casting version....

Speaking of which -

-(not about the JP book version) My English kindle version of All Systems Red now has a new cover image. I guess it's the TV show promo image with the white guy actor's face....? No. Gimme back the cool drawn scifi no-face armor Murderbot cover. Don't change up cover images like that. I need to buy a paper copy of the older version, before the only murderbot books I can get have covers of the TV show actor.

Also I recognized Jocelyne Allen's name in the posts above, from translations of manga. (I mentioned her in an earlier post about Nonnonba). She seems neat.

link: https://bsky.app/profile/brainvsbook.bsky.social/post/3llc72lyhu22j

google translate defaulting to chinese at first

okay but for those of us with interests in both the murderbot and the daomu biji fandoms this is kinda hilarious

(english-side-only really, i get that the kanji and hanzi are completely different)

our good (air)ship murderbot! thanks google

[oreo-creampies]

“𝐝𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨���� 𝐭𝐨𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟?”

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: double penetration with toy and dildo’s dick, caught masturbating, teasing, begging, praise and degradation, some objectification (toji), roommate!toji, roommate!suguru, roommate!satoru, first time, friends to friends with benefits, caught jerking off, satoru jerks off in the living room, recorded accidental confession/purposefully confessions, vibrator, praising degradation

𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲 @sluut4toji: HII IM BACK LOL maybe toji w prompt 11 ?

𝐟𝐞𝐲: I wanted to do this prompt with satoru and suguru so why not have them all on one post! i hope you enjoy it and don't mind

𝐓𝐨𝐣𝐢

Biting into your lip pumping the thick dildo into your sloppy, drenched cunt. Angling it just right to hit your g-spot making your toes curl. Closing your eyes, letting your lip go with a groan of Toji’s name as you cum on your toy.

He croons “How often do you think of me when you touch yourself? Pretty slut playing with yourself thinking of your roommate. What did I do that go your beautiful cunt this soaking wet.” He grabs your remote, glaring at the screen scoffing as if offended.

Shutting the tv off, and slipping his gym shorts off. His fat, veiny cock hangs well past his thick balls. So long, and thick, with a dark short patch of hair above.

He’s been wearing no underwear, explaining by you had gotten such cunt soaking outline of his cock earlier. Which got you to masturbate, to begin with to one of several bookmarked videos of faceless men similar to Toji.

He crawls onto your bed, settling between your legs. “You keep walking around shirtless in those snug gym shorts. Your cock looks so big in them even when soft, I can tell whenever you get hard. Please I want you to fuck me stupid.” Gliding the pulsing dildo out when Toji grabs your wrist.

Letting go of the toy for Toji to take over. Pumping it into your oversensitive squelching cunt. Spitting into his large palm, smearing it over his thick cock head. “You’re a sexy dumb little cock sleeve, aren't you? Playin’ with yourself moaning my name when you can walk across the hall get on your knees and beg me to fuck your tight cunt loose.” Your eyes widen when Toji lines his cock up with your already stuffed cunt.

Reaching out, splaying your fingers on his well defined abs. “Yess I'm your sexy dumb little cock sleeve. Nnng!” He quickly rocks his hips forward. Using his strength and weight to stuff his thick, veiny into your wet, sensitive cunt. “Fuck! Daddy! Fuck! Toji!” Double stuffing your cunt with your toys was nothing compared to the sweet burning pleasure of your cunt taking Toji’s cock with another fat dildo.

“Oh you're mind? Then I can fuck my cock sleeve however I want." He groans, setting a rough pace. Keeping the toy still inside of you pulsing on your g-spot. His balls hitting your ass.

He groans, "It feels like I’m fucking a tight vibrating wet pussy sleeve. Gonna make me bust a fat nut in your pretty cunt, you'd like that, wouldn't you? You want to be my sexy cum dump?” Holding the toy next to his cock, gliding it almost fully out. Keeping both fat heads inside you.

Toji groans, the smooth sound picking up a bit of rasp. Your cunt squelching with each quick thrust. “Mmmm listen to your cunt squelch. Did ya just cum before I caught you? Good, you're pretty tight cunt should be extra sensitive. I want you to feel this after I'm done with you.” He pauses moving the toy on top of his cock.

Your toes curl and your cunt quivers from the strange pleasure of the toy and cock partly swirling. "There we go, now I can watch ya cry while I use like a pussy sleeve." You're going to lose your mind getting fucked like this.

𝐒𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐮

Shuffling into the living room at three in the morning. Unable to sleep and thirsty. Your quest for something to drink is forgotten when you hear Satoru moaning louder than the porn playing on the tv.

At this angle, you can't see anything but the tv. A woman similar to you is getting rammed by a dildo on a fuck machine. "She looks a lot like me." Glossing over your statement with, "Why in the living room?" He groans, and you can picture him with that cocky smirk that makes you want to kiss him every time.

"Why not? And that's why I'm jerking off to it. What you said about me early has been giving me blue balls." The slick sound of him his cock off gets faster. Your cunt is getting wetter. "I'd get off to pictures and videos of you if I had some. Since I know how badly you want to fuck me why not confess how often do you think of me when you touch yourself?" A recording of your voice fills the air.

'Ever since he moved in it's like I'm heat my pussy stays wet. Every time he smirks I want to sit on his face and drown him. Or scratch his pale back whenever he walks around shirtless. It doesn't matter how much I touch myself while thinking about him I'm still too damn horny. I'm going to-' He pauses your long ramble about him.

Your cheeks are burning more than your soaking wet cunt is. Remembering how to walk, going for his phone. "Why the hell do you have that saved!?" He stands up, holding his phone well out of your reach above his head.

Crossing your arms, huffing, "What the point! You've already heard it several times by now." Pressing your thighs together, your indignation conflicting with your lust. His cock is touching your stomach. His pre cum and lube smearing onto your shirt.

"Damn it." Pealing your shirt off, not caring since Satoru standing in front of you naked. Jerking off to a video of women similar to you. After playing your lustful confession.

"You're so mean." Pushing his chest the falls back dramatically into the sofa. Pulling you with him, shifting to straddle his lap. "Messin' up everything but my pussy. I can soak through so much of my underwear and now you're messing up my favorite shirt." He shuts you up by roughly kissing you.

Grabbing your hips, his thick fingers sink into your squishy crease. Lining you up with his cock, guiding your clothed cunt. Grinding your puffy clit along his long cock. You can feel the puffy veins through your thin underwear.

Parting your lips, Satoru slips his tongue into your mouth. His grasp tightens on your hips when you try to grind your hips faster. Whining into the kiss, clenching your thighs, and breaking away.

Your underwear is getting annoying quickly. Pleading with him, "Please I want to feel you, let me take my underwear off." He smirks, kissing your forehead.

"Why should I? How about I tease you n' not let you cum. See how horny you get before you can't handle it and you break down crying begging for my cock. I should show you mean." Roughly slapping your ass, you jerk from the sweet pain. Moaning, your cunt clenching around nothing.

𝐒𝐮𝐠𝐮𝐫𝐮

Smoke drifts past Suguru's kissable lips and out the open window. Sliding his hand along this thick veiny, beautiful cock. White pre-cum pearls up on his cock head before he smears it with his large fingers.

You wish those fingers were inside you instead of you're own. They look so thick, and long. Even though he hasn't touched you, you're already convinced that Suguru could fill you up, and reach your g-spot to make you cum faster than you could.

Suguru fucks his fist, the well-defined lines of his abs deepening. "Look at you beautiful, does thinking of me when you touch yourself always make you this wet?" Sliding your fingers out of your soaking wet cunt to stroke your clit. Your cunt clenches with anticipation when Suguru stuffs his big out before coming closer.

Spreading your lips apart to show him your tight cunt aching to be full of his cock. "Suguru please, are you just going to watch and jerk off or are you going to touch me? Please touch me, I'm tired of dreamin' about you. I need you to touch me, please." He grabs your thighs, massaging circles into your skin so close to your plush lips.

Shifting your hips, he shifts his weight onto you to keep you from squirming. He croons, "I'm touching you, just like you asked. Yet you still look so upset and needy. How do you play with yourself when you think of me?" Whining frustration builds beneath your lust.

Pleading with Suguru, "Touch my soaking wet cunt. Please I'll lose my mind if you don't touch, fuck and stretch my cunt out." He swipes his thumb between your lips up to your clit. Moaning with a grin when he strokes your clit.

You confess, "Use my vibrator on my clit. Or I stuff my cunt with a dildo." He stuffs two thick, longer fingers into your cunt with a loud squelch and a groan. "Please I can't stop thinking about you." Gliding his fingers out, spreading them apart admiring the slick coating them.

"Princess I'm going to get you addicted to my cock." Licking his fingers clean with a loud groan. "Where is your toy?" You point to your dresser. Suguru's heavy, beautiful cock swings as he walks over to the dresser.

Getting the toy, turning it on, "Please Sug fuck me hard and fast, cum in me, cum on me. Please Suguru I wanna be fucked stupid, till I can't walk." Standing at the edge of the bed, looming over you pressing the vibrator to your clit.

"Your safeword is melon. I'll be so proud of you if you use it. I'll also be proud if you be a good girl and let me break your beautiful sloppy wet cunt." Gliding two thick fingers into your cunt, slowly spreading them apart. Watching your tiny cunt stretch, spitting inside of you, then stuffing it deep.

Oreo’s m.list

[vaaaaaiolet]

Leon's no stickler for wedding traditions. But when no something blue has you feeling blue, he might just have a fix.

f / m fluff and cuteness before you walk down the aisle. leon is a sweetheart. one or two bad puns. you're a lil anxious but that's okay!! ft. your beloved's neck trauma </3

word count: 888 // read on ao3 // drabble masterlist

a/n: for zo from this ask. i got asked about what a wedding between leon and reader in my agent au might look like and this is SO BAD I'M SORRY. I WROTE AT 1 AM THIS WITH CLASS AT 7 THE NEXT DAY. posted on ao3 first bc i was too sleepy to make the tumblr banner 🤧 *gestures vaguely hoping you still like it*

“One peek. For half a second.”

“It’s bad luck.”

“Since when have you cared about being lucky? You’ve never needed luck to land a bullet.”

Shoulder pressed to your dressing room’s door, laughter flutters in your chest. “You don’t get it. It’s the principle.”

“What kind of fuckass principle-”

“Leon!”

“-gets to tell me I can’t see my wife?” 

“Soon-to-be,” you smile, picking at the white lace of your bodice. 

“Oh man.” You practically hear your still-fiancé’s fingers fly up to pinch the bridge his nose. “Sweetheart, you should’ve told me you were such a goody-two shoes before I put that ring on your finger.”

“You didn’t get the memo after I’ve been landing you in hot water with Hunnigan for three years now?”

Leon’s palms clap dejectedly against the door. Half-surrender, half-plea.

“For the millionth time, go away,” you giggle. You lean your back against the door. Imagine him doing the same when the wood paneling seems to press back. Breathe for a beat too many before saying, “You’ll see me in a bit, I just���I need the luck for today to be perfect.”

You think you’ve finally won when he goes silent. For a second, anyway.

“So that’s what it is.”

“Hm?”

“Are you nervous?” Leon asks quietly.

“What girl isn’t nervous on their wedding day?” you whisper back.

“Does it have to be? What if our wedding isn’t perfect?”

Talk about a surefire way to spike a bride’s heart rate. You frantically check your reflection in the vanity mirror. Clutch your bouquet tighter lest it fall fantastically apart at his words. 

“See, this is why you’re not supposed to be here,” you hiss at the door, “now I’m panicking!”

One last roll call. You’re sure you’ve planned for everything. Your something old: your mother’s wedding veil. Something new, the diamonds on your neck. Something borrowed: the roses you’ll carry to the altar, gathered from your maid of honor’s garden that you’ll make sure to toss back. Something blue…

“Shit!” you cry out. 

“What? What’s wrong?”

“I forgot my something blue, Leon, I can’t walk without it!”

“You’re sure?”

Of course you’re sure. It’s Wedding 101, the one rule you can’t break. Everything you’ve been through with the man on the other side of the door has led up to this moment. Your jobs never allowed you the privilege of making mountains out of molehills, but today? This is the moment you’d been promised would be perfect – in spite of the endless trials and tribulations the universe seemed intent on imposing on the both of you. 

Sleepless nights. Far-flung disappearances. Knives at your throats. Knives at each other’s throats that one time with the parasites. Thanklessly saving the world from the brink of disaster only to have each other to lean on at the end of the day. Over and over, falling in love with the only person who understands the fatal mistake of taking normalcy for granted. 

Just once, you wished you could have it like everybody else waiting for you to walk down the aisle. 

“Open the door, sweetheart.”

Your voice cracks. The no doesn’t come out like it should. 

A muffled swish of fabric sounds from the other side, and Leon repeats himself, tacking on a soft please this time. “Do you trust me?”

Nobody more than him.

“Just stick out your leg,” he murmurs. “I won’t look.”

An odd request. You crack open the door. Hesitantly step out your right foot. 

“Little more, please.”

If you’re not mistaken, the faintest of sighs sounds the moment you do. Leon presumably drops to his knees at the muffled thud of carpet that ensues, and it’s suddenly your turn to gasp. He’s reaching up your dress, fingers skirting over your leg, along your thigh-

“What are you doing?” you squeak, gripping the doorframe.

“Not that I’m into the garter thing, it’s kinda gross, actually – phew, you’re not wearing your holster – but maybe this will work.”

Smooth, silky fabric encircles your thigh in seconds. 

“Too tight?”

“Mm-mm…”

He chuckles softly and ducks out, taking care to fix your skirts as if nothing ever happened, looking decidedly the other way the whole time. You pull your foot back into the safety of your dressing room and bunch up your dress in confusion to find-

A navy bow tie wrapped around your upper thigh.

“How’s that?” Leon ventures hopefully.

It’s something. It’s blue. You relay this to him, disbelief eventually bubbling into laughter. 

“But now you don’t have a bow tie, stupid!”

“Would you believe me if I told you I’ve been waiting for an excuse to get rid of it? You know how much I-”

“-hate things around your neck.”

“Right?” The exasperation in his voice makes you giggle. “And they wouldn’t listen when I told them, baby. I told you, I’m hopeless without you.” 

Leon’s hand reaches out on a mission to find yours, one that it fulfils, complete with a kiss on your knuckles. A mission with ulterior motives; you pretend not to see the flash of something blue that glances up at you. The blue you can’t wait to wake up to for the rest of your life.  

“Perfect wedding or not, I just wanna marry you. Don’t you?”

You don’t save the I do for the altar.

What’s one more imperfect tradition?

click for my full drabble collection, and find more of my work here!

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[formulaonecrumbs]

thirteen days and my thirteenth reason ✍️

Lando Norris x depressed!reader

summary: she’s drowning under exam pressure, but lando stays beside her through it all.

warnings: established relationship, depression, burnout, academic pressure, comfort

A/N: this is the most self-indulgent fic i have EVER written. it’s based off my exact situation so if it seems specific uhhh that’s why. i literally only have 12 days till these exams start (most imp of my life i think) and i haven’t began studying for a single subject KILL ME. ADHD paralysis is real asf 😔😔 i originally wrote this only so i’d feel motivated to actually study but it didn’t work so now i’m posting it so it doesn’t go to waste ☺️ embarrassing to say but i will be coming back to read my own fic. i need it rn 😕 anyways enjoy lovies!! ❤️

୨ৎ ୨ৎ ୨ৎ ୨ৎ

the curtains hadn’t been opened in three days.

the floor was a mess—scattered notebooks, a few balled-up tissues, a hoodie half-hanging off the edge of the bed. her laptop sat untouched on the desk, still open to a study schedule she’d typed up with shaky hands three weeks ago. color-coded. hopeful. delusional.

it was thirteen days until her final exams. the most important ones of her life. everyone kept saying that. like she didn’t already know. like the weight of it wasn’t the reason she could barely lift her head off the pillow.

she’d meant to start studying two weeks ago. then one week ago. then yesterday. then this morning.

and now the sun was setting again, and she’d done nothing. absolutely nothing. just stared at the ceiling and tried not to cry. or did cry. she honestly couldn’t remember. it all blurred together now—hours and hours of feeling like she was stuck underwater while the world kept going on without her.

the front door opened.

she didn’t move.

“baby?”

lando’s voice was gentle. careful. like he already knew what kind of day it had been.

he was home earlier than she expected. that or her time perception was fairly off (it was. she thought it was sunday, it was tuesday). she heard the shuffle of his sneakers being kicked off, the clink of his keys on the counter, and then quiet footsteps down the hallway. the bedroom door creaked open slowly.

there was a pause.

then the bed dipped beside her.

she didn’t look at him.

lando didn’t say anything at first. he just lay there beside her, head propped up on his hand, eyes studying her profile in the dim light. she looked so small. in a pathetic i-can-barely-hold-myself-up kind of way. like the duvet was the only thing keeping her together.

finally, he spoke. “have you eaten?”

she shook her head. barely.

“studied?”

another shake.

lando sighed softly, but not in a disappointed way. more like it physically hurt him to see her like this. like the girl he loved—his girl, the one who once made him laugh so hard he spilled water out his nose—had been replaced by this quiet, heavy version of herself who barely spoke anymore.

he reached out, brushing a strand of hair from her face. his fingers lingered against her cheek.

“talk to me,” he whispered. “please.”

her throat tightened.

“i can’t,” she said hoarsely. “i don’t know what to say.”

“say anything.”

“i feel like a failure.”

lando’s chest ached.

she blinked up at the ceiling, eyes glassy. “i have thirteen days. and i’ve done nothing. nothing. i’m so behind. i’m going to fail. and i don’t even care. that’s the worst part. i don’t care. i should care, but i just… don’t. and then i hate myself for not caring. and then i just lie here and do nothing again.”

her voice cracked on the last word.

lando didn’t try to fix it. not yet. he didn’t offer solutions or motivation or some inspirational quote he found online.

he just reached for her hand under the covers and held it tightly.

“you’re not a failure,” he said quietly.

she shook her head, tears slipping down her temples.

“you’re not,” he said again. “you’re burnt out. you’re exhausted. you’re scared. you’re human.”

she didn’t respond. just squeezed his hand tighter.

“you don’t have to pretend with me,” he murmured. “you don’t have to be okay.”

“i’m not.”

“i know.”

they lay there for a long time. eventually, he shifted closer, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her into his chest. she didn’t resist. just let herself fall into him, cheek pressed against his hoodie, fingers gripping the fabric like it might anchor her back to the world.

“i’ll help you,” he said into her hair. “we’ll figure it out. we’ll make a plan. we’ll break it into little pieces. you don’t have to do it all at once.”

she shook her head weakly. “i don’t think i can.”

“then we’ll start with something small. just one thing.”

she didn’t say anything.

“we’ll do it together,” he promised. “and if all you can do today is brush your teeth or drink some water, that’s enough. you’re enough.”

she exhaled a shaky breath.

“i’m so tired,” she whispered.

“then rest,” he said. “you’re allowed to rest.”

he didn’t leave her side. not for the rest of the night. he ordered takeout—her favorite. he brought her a glass of water and sat beside her while she drank it slowly, like every sip was a mountain climbed. he helped her brush her hair when she couldn’t lift her arms without trembling. and when she finally crawled out from under the covers to shower, he waited outside the bathroom just in case.

the next morning, he woke her with a soft kiss to her forehead and a sticky note stuck to the lamp that said:

baby steps.

she sat up.

she opened her laptop.

and for the first time in weeks, she tried.

୨ৎ ୨ৎ ୨ৎ ୨ৎ

four days in, she was already starting to fray at the edges.

it wasn’t that she wasn’t trying. for the first time in a while she was. she’d stuck to the plan—lando’s plan, the one he’d helped her make with gentle hands and sleepy morning kisses and a color-coded spreadsheet that didn’t feel like it was out to kill her. one subject per day. built-in breaks. kind reminders written on sticky notes in his handwriting like: you’re doing amazing and five minutes of dancing > five minutes of crying.

but trying didn’t mean it was easy.

especially not tonight.

she’d been sitting at the kitchen table for two hours now, blinking at the same paragraph in her textbook without actually reading a word. her brain was buzzing, her back ached, and the weight of everything—every page she hadn’t read, every topic she didn’t understand, every second slipping by too fast—was pressing against her chest like a vice.

her eyes burned.

her fingers curled into fists in her lap.

and then, just like that, it snapped.

a single sob cracked out of her like a warning shot, and then the floodgates opened.

she pushed the textbook away with trembling hands and dropped her head onto the table, tears slipping fast and hot down her cheeks, shoulders shaking. she didn’t even try to stop it. she couldn’t. all the pressure she’d been holding in for days, weeks—it came pouring out like it had been waiting for this exact moment to break her.

“fuck,” she whispered. “fuck, fuck, fuck—”

“hey—hey, hey.”

lando’s voice was soft but immediate.

she hadn’t even heard him come in.

he crossed the room in two seconds, dropping to his knees beside her chair and cupping her face in his hands, thumbs brushing away the tears even as more fell.

“what happened?” he whispered.

she tried to talk, but it came out in a choked sob.

“breathe,” he said, gently. “deep breath. c’mon, baby. with me.”

he inhaled slow and deep. she tried to follow. couldn’t quite get there. tried again.

“that’s it. good girl. again.”

a few breaths later, her chest started to ease—just a little.

“i can’t do it,” she whispered, voice shaking. “i can’t—i don’t know anything, i’m so behind—“

“hey,” he interrupted, rubbing her arm. “no. don’t say that. you’ve been doing so well. i’ve seen you.”

“but it’s not enough—there’s too much—and i’m so tired, lando. i can’t think straight. i feel like my brain is broken—”

“it’s not,” he said immediately. “you’re not broken. you’re overwhelmed. you’re exhausted. and you’ve been pushing through it like a fucking warrior.”

she sniffled.

“you don’t have to prove anything to anyone,” he added. “not to me. not to anyone else. not even to yourself. you’re already enough, just like this.”

“but the exams—”

“will come. and we’ll face them. one question at a time. one hour at a time. but not like this. not when you’re this close to burning out.”

he pulled her into a hug—tight, grounding, real. she clung to him like a lifeline.

“you’re not alone, okay?” he murmured into her hair. “you’ve got me. always.”

they stayed like that for a while, her tears slowly soaking into the shoulder of his hoodie.

eventually, she pulled back just enough to whisper, “i’m sorry.”

he frowned. “for what?”

“for falling apart.”

“baby,” he said, brushing his nose against hers. “falling apart doesn’t scare me. not when it’s you. not when i love you.”

her lip trembled.

“you don’t have to be strong all the time,” he whispered. “sometimes being strong is letting yourself break and asking someone else to help you pick up the pieces.”

she nodded, barely.

“come on,” he said softly, standing and tugging her up with him. “no more tonight. you need rest.”

“but—”

“i’ll quiz you in the morning,” he promised. “i’ll make flashcards and everything. but right now, you need to lie down. cuddle quota’s running low.”

she cracked the tiniest smile through the tears. “that’s not a real thing.”

“sure it is,” he said, leading her to the couch and pulling a blanket over the both of them. “mandatory. doctor’s orders.”

she curled into his chest, still aching, still overwhelmed—but held. safe.

and for the first time in hours, her breathing slowed.

lando pressed a kiss to her temple. “we’ll get through it, baby. together.”

THE END :>

[gyeomsweetgyeom]

[12:22 am]

(cw: f!reader, reader is tipsy, profanity)

You weren't sure if it was the lingering effects of cheap alcohol streaming through your system now or just actual envy. The party had died down an hour ago, you were tucked up in fratboy!Jaehyun's bed, his hoodie hanging over your frame, but for some reason your boyfriend wasn't beside you.

You could hear him. He'd left his bedroom door wide open, so while you couldn't see him from you position in his bed, you could hear him clearly.

"It doesn't look bad at all. Look at your legs, they look great," you heard Jaehyun compliment.

You rolled your eyes, mocking him under your breath. He'd been out of the room for close to 20 minutes just chatting it up with who? Well, none other than his best friend Johnny of course! They'd been standing around Johnny's room and complimenting each other since Jaehyun walked out to return Johnny's gym shorts.

You weren't even sure that Jaehyun had complimented you as many times as he had Johnny, even just tonight. "Bro, your arms look huge. How much have you been lifting?" "My arms, dude? Look at your thighs, looking good, my guy."

You scoffed, rolling your eyes. Geez, could they get any worse? It was as if they could hear your thoughts. "Bro, we should go to the gym together. I'll spot you," one of them told the other.

You huffed out a breath of annoyance, choosing instead to scroll on Instagram instead of listening to the bros compliment each other and kiss each other's asses.

In the hopes of distracting yourself, you pulled Instagram up on your phone. You clicked through stories, watching various clips and images from the party that had just ended. A video of Jungwoo doing a handstand and falling, a video of Mark breakdancing, oh and of course, the usual boomerang posted by your boyfriend of him and Johnny posted up with beers in their hand.

Your thumb tapped on Jaehyun's username and you scrolled from there. Scrolled past the very rare selfie, tapped through his gym highlight, his Nu Chi Theta highlight, scrolled past photodumps of party. Yet... it seemed like there was one constant, one person who was in almost every post and every story in the highlights. John Suh.

You glared at the screen, swiping with purpose through photo dumps and highlights. Two weeks ago Jaehyun posted his monthly photo dump. Slide one was a picture of all the frat guys, slide two was a picture of the breakfast the both of you shared, slide three was a picture of him and Johnny at the gym, and you? There wasn't a picture of your face until slide 8.

The monthly picture dump from the month before last was the same, the month before that, and the month before that too. Glimpses and peeks into the dates you guys had, moments you shared that he felt the need to document, but no pictures of you until almost the very end of the dump.

It's pretty clear to say that the lingering effects of the alcohol you consumed are making you petty and angry. Jaehyun probably could have chosen a better moment to enter his room, but how could he have known you were stewing in jealously over his best friend? He settles onto the bed beside you as you lock your phone. You can feel the anger bubbling in your stomach as he wraps an arm around your waist and kisses your neck.

"Oh, have I finally earned your attention?" You ask with a pout.

"What are you even saying right now, Sweetheart?" Jaehyun responds with his brows pinching together.

"Are you sure you don't want to spend time with your precious Johnny instead of me?"

A loud "huh?!" sounds out loudly through the dark room.

"Well, you just complimented each other back and forth more than you've ever complimented me, you always post him in your dumps before you post me, and he basically has two of your highlights dedicated to him since you always go to the gym together and he's your brother! And you only posted him tonight and I looked fucking cute!" You exclaim, breathing heavily as your rant came to an end.

It's silent for a few moments as you assume Jaehyun tries to gather his thoughts and formulate a response. He clears his throat, "you're jealous of Johnny being on my Instagram more than you?"

You turn away from him, shrugging his arm off of you as you huff and cross your arms across your chest. "I don't know... it's just, I think I deserve some attention and posts considering I'm your girlfriend. I think that would be nice," you mumble so quietly that Jaehyun struggles to even hear you.

"I can post us right now, Sweetheart..." Jaehyun tried as he wrapped his arms around you once more and pulled you closer to his chest.

"I don't look cute anymore."

He kisses your cheek, "you look cute and beautiful and sexy and gorgeous all the time, Sweet Girl."

"More than Johnny?" You manage to ask through a yawn as your eyes start to drift shut.

He laughs, "of course, Sweetheart."

You shouldn't be surprised when you wake up in the morning to find that you've been tagged in a post with 20 slides of pictures and videos of you and Jaehyun, some of them you didn't even know he took, but there is still some element of surprise.

You didn't even notice that he's woken up, jumping slightly when you heard his voice, "is the post good enough?"

You shrug before playfully adding, "would have been nice to still have seen a picture of me last night."

"That's slide 19, Sweet Girl."

[monstersandgenderqueers]

Little Gifts (Part Five)

You find Loki, and you decide that perhaps the best gift would be honesty. But really, he should appreciate your gifts more.

Pairing: Loki x neurodivergent!reader

Word count: 2950

A/N: The fluff returns. Maybe. It's somewhere in the middle, really. There's a bit of an awkward jump between the two segments in this part, but the last portion wasn't enough to post on its own, I feel. I'm also now over 12.6 k deep into this. I may have to get myself a little treat or something.

Divider credit @/saradika

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four

You sit in your usual seat at the far end of the dining table, the horse plushie held tightly to your chest with one hand as you pick at your food with the other. It's just Nat and Steve eating tonight, and their whispers seem far too loud for your ears right now.

You've come to expect his presence at the table, even though you definitely hated it in the beginning. You've even started to become comfortable eating with someone directly across from you. For a while, it was nice to listen to someone talk and actually know what they were saying instead of just nodding and pretending.

You sigh, wondering where Thor is. Is he really still looking for Loki? 

You hope not. You hope Thor already found him hours ago, shortly after you holed yourself up in your room. You hope the reason Thor is not here eating three full plates is because he's with Loki right now, trying to convince him to come and eat dinner. You hope Loki agrees, and sits across from you, and taps your foot with his to get your attention. You hope that when you finish the part of the meal you enjoyed the most, you'll look down and see more of it on your plate, and an almost shy smile on Loki's Face.

Devastatingly, nothing you hope for comes true.

You force yourself to keep eating, knowing that Nat has been keeping an eye on you today. Worse, by the way Steve glances your way, he's probably aware of what happened. Or, at least, what Nat thinks happened. After finishing your meal, you whisper goodnight to the two, not knowing whether they heard you or not. Since you don't want to repeat it, you simply stand and clean up after yourself.

On your way back to your room, you notice that Loki's door is ajar.

Is he back?

Shuffling toward it, you knock on the door lightly. When there's no response, you whisper-shout, "Hello? Loki?"

You hear nothing, just your own breathing. Holding the horse plushie up higher on your chest, you decide to walk in and do a little investigating.

The first thing you notice is how empty it is. With the exception of the bed, topped with boring white bedding, and the equally uninspiring white cube nightstand, there's nothing.

You know what would liven this place up? A fern! You think, feeling a bit snarky.

Your frustration is short-lived, however, and you feel a wave of fatigue. It seems as though you're way past your emotional limit, and already the ache behind your eyes and the sting in your nostrils is making a reappearance.

Not wanting to cry in Loki's room, you turn around, only to find yourself inches from Thor's chest. You back up, your cheeks warming from getting caught.

"S-sorry, I just saw the door open…"

He waves it off, obviously not bothered by your snooping. Not that there's much to snoop around, anyway.

"Did you have any luck in the training room?" He asks, his stiff stance telling you that maybe he hasn't made any progress finding his brother.

"No… Nat took me to my room, remember?"

He frowns and puts his hands on his hips. "Lady Natasha? Did she say anything?"

"Huh? No, I mean, she escorted me to my room because she thought I was having a, uhm, a meltdown, but I wasn't. And no, I didn't tell her. Did you find anything?" Your hands get clammy as you continue, "I know you couldn't say anything in front of her when we passed by, but…"

He scrunches his brows and opens his mouth a bit, confused. "I don't recall that happening."

Oh.

Ohhhhhh.

You both seem to come to the conclusion at the same time.

A few minutes later, Thor is busy charming the security guards in the surveillance room, taking advantage of the fact that they seem to be big fans.

"Forgive me, but I believe my brother is masquerading as me. As a prank, you know." He laughs a bit, playing it off as a silly joke rather than the more serious truth. "May we see the recordings from earlier this afternoon?"

It seems to work, and you make a mental note to yourself to bring up that these agents are really bad at their jobs the next time you speak with Tony or Nick. You might even tell them that having people watch screens that an AI designed by Tony is already keeping track of is a bit of a waste, really.

But since their lack of awareness works in your favor, you let it slide and stand next to Thor as they pull up the recordings from around the time you and Nat walked down the residential hallway together.

You watch as 'Thor' rounds the corner and speaks with the past you, with great concern on his face. For the next thirty minutes, you trace Loki's steps as he wanders the compound under the guise of Thor. The odd thing is, he doesn't seem to be doing anything particularly strange. It appears as though what Thor had speculated is right—Loki was just looking for a place to be completely alone, and using Thor's identity to search the compound with little interruption.

"Uhm, can we go back to when Loki passed me and Nat in the hall?" The screen resets, back to where the three of you are standing in the hallway. "Can we go back further? See where he came from?" The footage plays backwards, keeping 'Thor' centered on the screen as he comes from down the hall near your room. Further back it plays, until it shows him leaving your bedroom.

A horrid mix of feelings boils in you, and as much as you'd like to sit down and dissect each one, you dash out of the security room and bolt all the way back to your quarters. You slow down a few yards in front of your door, keeping your steps light as you quietly unlock the door.

You don't know what you're thinking, your thoughts colliding head on at full speed and essentially cancelling each other out.

There's no way he'd be in here. I mean, I saw him leave as Thor. Still, I need to know what else he did in my room. Did he leave a note? Was he trying to talk to me, but I wasn't there? Why didn't he come to me sooner? 

What did I do?

He's not there, of course, and neither are any stray papers or strange items that he could have left behind. Still holding on to the horse in a choking grip, you pace the length of your quarters, feeling absolutely foolish.

"What a jerk. Sending me and his brother on a… on a wild goose chase!" Your voice raises in volume as you rant to yourself, and the words keep coming out like there's a leak. "Like Thor and I have all the time in the world to just play hide and seek, like we have nothing better to do!" You feel it boiling hotter in your veins. "Ah! What an attention-seeking asshole! Making me scared and worried and he's just out there lollygagging about, probably enjoying the fact that I've been crying over him!"

You're furious. It's a feeling that hardly ever fills you up. You're used to the constant nagging and gnawing of disappointment or annoyance, but hardly anything makes you this mad.

You have half a mind to just tear up the stupid horse in your hands, but you think better of it, remembering the last time you let yourself give in to anger and destroy things that didn't deserve your rage. Instead, you toss it at your book stacks, the plushie bouncing off in a very unsatisfying way.

I hate this. I hate him. I want to go back to before he moved in and everything sucked in a completely different way but at least I knew how to navigate everything that sucked!

Crossing your arms tight over your chest to hold yourself together, you keep pacing and turning, needing to work off all the energy that's fighting to free itself in an explosion.

You grab the plushie that normally rests on your bed. It's heavy and solid, so you hug it tight and then tighter, filling in that hole in your chest that the anger burned through as it coursed through your body in a tidal wave.

The little black horse plushie moves on the floor just barely at the corner of your vision, drawing your pacing to a halt. Rather, it is moved by Loki, who sits with his back against the wall amongst your towering stacks of books. He holds it on his lap almost tenderly, petting its back.

"You know, that sort of language is very unbecoming. I didn't think you had it in you, little one." He smiles, and it's neither soft nor a smirk. It just is, and you're struggling to place it.

Nervous. He's nervous.

"But it's true."

He laughs, "I agree. It wasn't very kind of me to do that to you."

"Or to Thor."

He snorts, "I can and will do worse to Thor, little one." His eyes meet yours and you know he can just see the questions tumbling around in your head. "As you've likely guessed, I needed a moment alone. Thor's been pestering me endlessly, and as you're aware, there aren't any places in this trash heap that one can be truly alone in."

You sigh and sit cross-legged on the floor in front of Loki while still hugging the other plushie, mirroring his position. He smiles again and this time it seems warm and it makes you feel warmer. 

Desperate to know what he's thinking, and even more desperate to know what he's feeling, you wonder if you have to be the first to share something like that. He might be more willing to share if you give something, first.

You look down at your lap, finding it difficult to hold his gaze, "I used to hide a lot. Whenever I was scared, or confused, or made a mistake. I'd hide in the smallest place that I could possibly fit in."

You know you're being a bit of a hypocrite. You complain all the time about how people imply things without stopping to check whether you understood or not, and then get upset when you don't.

But some things are too hard to say outright. You look up, not sure what to expect. He just looks at you, his head back against the wall and his eyes just a little watery.

"Why did you stop hiding?"

"I don't know. I think I just got too big to hide." You rub the plushie on your lap, crunching the beads inside. "Why did you want to be alone?"

It takes him a minute to speak, like he's unsure if he should say anything or not. His voice is soft and velvety as he answers, "Like you, I have… difficulty with my feelings. Not in the same way as you do, but I…" he fidgets with his hands, rubbing his cuticles. "I'm well aware of what I feel, but I loathe having to feel at all. The… emotions that have been running amuck in my heart feel like they aren't mine to keep." He laughs dryly, "I'd sooner destroy the world than succumb to what I feel right now."

You scoot closer until your knees touch his. "What kinds of feelings?" Your heart flutters with nerves as you wait.

"Things I haven't felt in a very long time, darling." He twists the plushie in his hands, talking to it rather than you. "Fondness. Worry. Endearment. I… I don't remember how to deal with these things any longer. They're more foreign to me than the ever-evolving Midgardian 'smart' phones."

You stare at him blankly. There's no way he's talking about me… right?

As if sensing your self doubt and wanting to redirect your thoughts, he tilts his head and smirks, "It was amusing to see you and that buffoon run around. I believe I saw Thor berate a chair before he sat down. A bit paranoid, if you ask me. Turning into a piece of furniture is beneath me."

This makes you giggle, the sound surprising you as it bubbles out of your throat. Loki smiles again, and you have no choice but to look away, because it almost makes you dizzy.

He sets the plushie aside and stands, adjusting his clothing before reaching down to help you up. You feel warm and tingly when his hand engulfs yours and tugs, bringing you to your feet effortlessly. He takes in your expression, his own ears tinged pink.

When he lets go, you almost cry out, but you hold it in and tuck your hand against your chest.

He opens the door and asks before he leaves, "Do you think there's any chance there's still a portion of dinner left, or do you think Thor's already gotten to it?" You follow him out, wanting to see for yourself, floating on your feet with a lightness you haven't felt in forever.

A few days later, Tony sits you down in one of the labs. He holds a device to your ear, lasers mapping out the contours of your ear canal.

You cringe when he turns it on, "Why are we doing this?"

He tuts, "You'll see. Now hold still, or we'll have to start over again."

You huff and cross your arms, "But it tickles."

"It's just lasers," he sighs, "you shouldn't be able to feel it."

"Well, I do, so hurry up," you whine, definitely not in the mood to feel something tickling your inner ears.

"What's the big rush? You don't have an assignment."

"I'm not in a rush. This is just icky."

"You certainly are fidgety." He's right. You're kicking your feet a little like dogs do when you hold them above water. He moves on to the other ear, poking your shoulder when you keep moving away.

"Ugh. Just get it over with." You squeeze your eyes shut, hoping that'll distract you from the sensation.

Soon, Tony's gathered all the data he needs and within seconds the 3D printer whirs to life, creating something that looks like a pair of hearing aids. You look at them, confused, "Uhm… I don't really need those, so…"

"They're not for your hearing."

"Uhm.. then what are they for?"

He plucks the finished devices and hands them to you. "Just put them in."

You sigh, fitting them over your ears. "Are they earbuds, or something? Why aren't they, like, smaller?" you ask, referring to the tiny little ones that are often used on missions.

"Your comfort." He does something on his tablet.

A little voice chimes in your ears. "Conversation Extractor is online."

Conversation Extractor? "Uhhhh what is this?"

"Something for your audio processing issues."

"Amplifying sound won't help…"

"It doesn't amplify sound, unless you want it to. It uses the direction you're facing to pick up voices coming from that direction, then muffles the rest. At least, it should."

You start shaking a bit. You need to try this out now.

"It's a busy day today, so there's plenty of people in the lounge. See if you have an easier time following a conversation even with other people talking all around you."

You're excited, and you have to keep thinking walk, walk, walk to keep yourself from sprinting all the way there.

Even so, you make it there faster than you thought, the doors sliding open to reveal nearly two dozen people inside, Avengers and agents conversing and making so much noise you'd probably cry if you hadn't gotten so good at keeping them in. Hopefully, you won't feel the need to cry this time.

Since everyone seems like they're really engaged with… well, whatever it is that they're talking about, you sit in a corner, facing the center of the room, and decide to wait for a good opening to join in. You look around and see Loki sitting in an armchair with his arms crossed, and Bucky leaning on the opposite chair. They're definitely too far away to hear, but you find it hard to look away from Loki's clear annoyance and amusingly complete lack of interest.

"...never felt that?" Bucky's voice fills your ears and you almost squawk in surprise. It's working! A little too well, but…

"No. I have no clue what you're rambling about," Loki says, staring at his nails.

"Seriously? You've never once felt the urge to just squeeze something really tight because of how adorable it is? Like puppies?" Bucky sounds offended. You snort a little, wondering how on Earth the conversation they were having led to this.

Both of them must be awfully bored, and equally awful at small talk.

Loki looks at you, then, making eye contact, as if he heard you across the room and through half a dozen animated conversations. You freeze, trying to act casual.

Count to two and then look away. Then look back after two. Look away, look back….

It takes half a dozen heartbeats for him to respond. "No," he repeats, his voice less tense now. He's still looking at you. "I have not ever once in my life wished to 'squeeze' a living creature for that reason." He looks away when Bucky notices that he's staring at you. You look away, too, hoping that the heat that prickles your cheeks isn't as visible as you know it probably is.

You take out the devices. That's enough eavesdropping for today…

Tag list:

@princess-ofthe-pages  @blaze-the-idiot @anxiousskylar @athyend @cosmicstxrdust @the-ultimate-librarian @ceeisatlumon @webpage-loading @xxashes-rebornxx @mischeveousscamp @lilredpanda-1999 @booksooks

Let me know if you want to be removed/added 💚

[callizinc]

Ena in Dream BBQ and Work Culture

HELLO Dashboard!! Ever since i first played DBBQ i've found the entire game endlessly interesting (as have most people, LOL) But one of the most interesting, and in my opinion, most Potent things, is Ena's character and how she relates to the game's commentary on modern work culture.

So for anyone as much of a #SICKO as me 😭 Here's an embarrassingly long analysis of just that! There's SO much to talk about with this game, and even when I'm trying to focus on one specific idea with this post, I'm sure I'll still miss things, so just stick with me best you can OK? 😭 😭

My aim for this post is to allow you to understand Just how deep in the torment nexus Ena is, and to want to say "she should be at the club" Only to realize she can't even go to the club. She can't even go to the club. Because of Job. (Among other, hopefully more intelligently articulated things!)

SO, Let's just jump right in :D

First, to state the obvious—Ena's literal entire life is her job. The only moods she expresses under normal circumstance are "smooth talking salesperson where every line is about working or trying to sell something" and "Stops keeping up the veneer and gets frustrated and pissed because she hates her stupid job."

This permeates every aspect of her character—I don't think there's a single line in the game so far where she says like, Anything about herself. There's nothing about what she may want or what she may like. It's all about her fuckass job or the fuckass Boss.

And of course, even in gameplay aspects, you literally don't get a chance to choose whether you accept a job or not, like the thought of doing anything besides giving her time and energy for other people or her job's benefit doesn't even occur to her (Or, it can't occur to her—I doubt the Boss would want to allow her reprieve from anything at all, and I'm sure Ena would know this).

(^ Ena's reaction to being told to find a mythical figure that she maybe didn't even know existed cause Froggy sure as hell didn't to do a stupid job for Froggy's stupid ass. Like)

Maybe i'm reaching here, but I even find it interesting how her red hand has no fingers (besides a thumb). I feel like that represents a lack of individuality she has when she's in Salesperson mode, or at least, a lack of individuality she's been allowed. A lack of having a defined being cause it's all about this stupid job.

There's lots of avenues to go from here, but let's start with another big point of the game: Everybody hates her. Except for like, three characters, every NPC in the game either insults her, talks down to her, blatantly doesn't respect her, or Literally tells her nobody should be punished for being born except her. Typical day for Ena.

I'm not going to get into why I think this is—for me there's not enough evidence to speculate with surety right now—but I think this does tie strongly into her commitment to her job. Ena working her ass off in every aspect of her life and earning nothing but disrespect for it is very reminiscent of real life work environments.

Think of how almost every NPC claims they are "the Boss" in such a way that many of them seem to want to be the Boss, like he's some kind of well-known or respected figure. The description for the game on Steam even says as much: "Play as ENA as she searches for the Boss that everyone wants to be."

(eg: "I am the B-O-S-S!"):

People wish they were the Boss, they want to be some kind of rich capitalist with power and fame, but when looking at someone who actually works for him, and probably is the reason the Boss has profit and success in the first place, they insult her and demean her no matter how much she gives herself to them and the Boss. I'm sure you can see the real life parallels here.

It's even possible one of the reasons Ena works so hard in the first place is as an attempt to earn respect from these people, or to make up for whatever everyone thinks she did that made everyone hate her so much. Especially considering...

Our society is one that tells its people that Work is unequivocally Good. Committing yourself to work is what everyone, no matter who they are or what they face, is what you have to do to be a valuable member of society, and to have any respect from other people in the slightest. It tells its people that you only have value as a living human being at all if you give your life to work.

Even though this blatantly isn't true. If people think you're the Wrong type of worker, or if people think your work isn't valuable, helpful, or that it doesn't require skill, you can work as hard as you want but you'll still be treated like shit. But, hey, work is still your duty as a member of society, right? Stop bitching and whining and pull yourself up by your bootstraps, right?

Needless to say, it's easy to see how this whole idea is being represented in DBBQ. She even knows how much she's sold herself to this, she just... Seems to have extremely casually accepted it all LOL, which, I mean... What else does she have the power to do?

This very casual and nonchalant acknowledgement of her lack of autonomy connects to another big point: Ena doesn't value herself, nor does she even know how to exist without being in a constant state of working.

Let's talk about the Purge: There's a LOT to get to here in terms of Ena herself LOL, but the intrigue starts before she even enters the party. Literally Froggy just saying she's about to enter an "Event" stops her in her tracks and worries her. Not to mention the next line...

This feels like an indication that despite how much she commits herself to it, Ena does "crave freedom" from her shitty job, although she can scarcely admit this anywhere else so far. Then, if you talk to this slime guy, you get some strange text.

As far as I know, the text for interacting with things doesn't look like this anywhere else in the game. And given that it looks exactly the same as how Ena's lines do in the Purge, it's seemingly the only peek we get into her internal monologue, and it is. Quite worrying! She literally can climb up a hellish freezing floating mountain and yet this is by far the most freaked out she gets in the entire game.

And then to actually get into the Purge, an Evil eye Ball tells her that she needs to give a literal arm or a leg to get in. And she just does it. Like no hesitation no further questions she just gives it away to the evil eye ball. Presumably for Good? Because the only reason she regains the arm later is because of Genie magic? Like Ena. Girl. Are we gonna talk about this at all.

But so many real life work environments expect you to give every part of yourself in order to be allowed to exist and live in society, including your physical being and critical parts of your personhood at all.

(Let me also say I find it intentional that she gave away her white arm. Whereas her red hand literally doesn't have fingers, the sharp claws she has on her white hand represent the individuality and unique identity she Does have. However, it's also the part of herself that's in conflict with her ability to be a Good Worker, that always does exactly what she's supposed to do, and never complains, and never gets in the way of her duties.)

She was already very distressed here, but it's a clear indication of how little she values herself. It was a motion to lose a part of herself just to reach the Genie, both for her stupid job, and possibly for the possibility of "freedom" from it all. And your average job these days—no matter how important you are to your cause—will drill it into you that your ability to be a good worker is infinitely more important than your existence as a person. It's easy to see how Ena may have internalized that.

And then she goes to the club one time and this happens

I won't get too deep into her dialogue with the NPCs here because I think their intention is pretty clear; Being in a place so antithetical to a work environment, and a place where she's supposed to let loose and have fun, is so distressing and impossible to even fathom for her that This Happens.

(see: "H-How can I leave this stupid event? M-my lame schedule is full,")

Like, everything at the Purge is insane, but this is a particularly heartbreaking line for me. One because of her job's shitty environment that's broken her down so much—do you think she EVER gets a break, because I sure don't—but also because of how it's conditioned her to not even believe she can "afford another minute of joy." Ena :[

Note how she's covered in these branches that started growing during Froggy's phone call, which look very similar to how she looks in this gag with the Shaman—it's literally her nervous system. In her scene with Mitu she even says she's feeling "sick," She's literally freaked out of her flipping Gourd with her goddamn Nerves On The Outside

Hell, even though Meanie's speaking (which, I mean, no shit, in another line she literally describes her job as "deplorable" 😭), these sprites in the files are actually labelled "Anxiety", suggesting that she's SO freaked out by being somewhere supposed to be so opposite to her work she's become another variant of herself, a la Drunk Ena from Season 1.

I won't get much more into this, because @cube-cumb3r has a PHENOMENAL post I'll link in the notes that goes deeper into this stuff from the Purge and the "Anxiety" thing, And also gets more into theory territory than I do here! Please please go read that post, it is so damn good.

In any case, I think the scenes with the Purge NPCs are the biggest examples in the whole game of how much she hates her fuckass job, yet she can't be allowed to be anything besides a wage slave to it. And just as she's internalized everybody in her world's dislike of her, she hates herself for it.

So:

We've established that Ena's shitty job parallels the real life work conditions that plague our world, and that these conditions have caused her to devalue herself and believe she can't have any reprieve from them... but, what even is her job?

Apparently she's a salesperson, but what is she even selling? She tries to offer a "divestment opportunity", and tells the Witches she can show them how to "grow [their] own [boss]" which definitely falls in line with the Sales thing, but besides that it's still not clear, even when she talks to Froggy.

I suppose the "grow their own boss" line does sound a lot like the phrasing used in MLM schemes, with how they lure people in by telling them they can "be their own boss." The Receptionist also calls Ena a scammer and a conman, so maybe she is a sort of scammer, but, I also don't exactly think the Receptionist think she has the most reliable opinions of Ena LOL

She also calls her a "pink-collar slug", pink collar meaning a job traditionally associated with women, which. ??? I don't fully know where to go with that.. like ...Nothing she does harkens to... Any kind of job expected to be done by women, imo?? Um. Yeah idk i just thought that may be significant??/ 😭😭😭😭 Listen man I can't know it all

Anyway. Maybe I'll be proven embarrassingly wrong when we receive more information in future chapters, but I think the lack of clarity on what she's supposed to be is representative of the games themes. The constant disrespect Ena receives makes her seem likely to be a low-tier worker, someone at the bottom of the ladder that people have no problems walking all over.

Because these types of jobs will treat you the same no matter who you are or what you're supposed to be doing. She's doing what the world tells her she needs to do in order to be a respected member of society, and yet she's also someone people feel comfortable treating poorly because she's at the bottom—because has no power of her own. It doesn't matter what she's supposed to be doing, it matters that she's the Wrong type of worker.

And how is she supposed to ever say anything for herself? It seems virtually baked into her Salesperson side to completely ignore past all the rude things these assholes say to her. After all, not only would that probably just make most people ruder to her (and impede her ability to complete jobs for them) isn't the customer always right?

...OK I will say her whole "Understood! Aim for the target!" line DOES seem like her overall job here is to fucking kill the Boss, but this is long enough already and the likely theme of Ena having a violent streak and whatnot is another beast entirely that I am NOT getting into here 😭😭

Besides, maybe she has no clearly defined job because we've already seen exactly what it is. To sell her life, time, and emotions to whatever all these clowns ask of her, and to receive no reward besides another goddamn job to do.

I think future chapters may delve more into Ena's true feelings on her situation, and possibly even how she'll get freedom from it. Allow me to mention the scenes with Theodora, wherein if you try to "aspire to receive a blissful life" Theodora just tells Ena "You can't aspire for more than what you are capable of." (LIKE OKAYYYY.... RUDE MUCH????)

Until, finally:

How is her mind—containing a desire for freedom—supposed to be in harmony with the letters it spits out, when she's been so conditioned that the only thing she's allowed to be is a worker?

Now, even I still have a lot of questions after this. Like: What has happened in Ena's past that made her this way? How and why did she take this job in the first place? What is up with the "Guys wait, I'm not doing what you say I'm doing" scene I literally didn't even mention that once here. Why should nobody be punished for being born except poor damn Ena, and does it relate to any of the themes I just talked about?

I... don't know. Like I actually truly have no idea. But I have confidence, even if it's in a delightfully vague and abstract Ena-typical way, that we'll find out eventually.

[apollabarnes]

part one // part two // part three // part four // part five

"i slept with evan."

tommy's staring at the table so he doesn't have to look at her, but he knows athena heard him when she stops drinking her milkshake. he winces suddenly. bobby is like evan's dad and athena is married to the guy that's practically evan's dad. this is probably crossing a line. it's too late to take it back now.

"and?"

"and what?"

"how'd it go?" athena blinks at him once, slowly.

tommy wrestles the urge to bolt back under his ribs and grips his coffee cup a little tighter in both hands. "i'm having my post-shift breakfast with you," tommy says, bitchy and grumpy and happy to take it out on the person closest to him. he wrinkles his nose. it's not athena's fault he's a fucking idiot. "sorry. not great."

she arches an eyebrow in disbelief and tommy chokes.

"um, i mean, that part was. fine?" he can hear his voice arcing up into a question and regrets whatever impulse had him open his mouth in the first place.

"are you asking me or telling me?"

tommy catches the smug little grin at the corner of her mouth as athena takes an obnoxious sip of her milkshake, the straw rattling against the bottom of her glass.

jesus. "why didn't you tell me maddie got kidnapped?" tommy asks instead. they have a thing about not talking about evan, but this seems like the kind of thing you break the rules for.

"tommy, a detective turned out to be a serial killer and kidnapped a dispatcher," athena drawls, picking at her fruit salad, "excuse me for thinking you'd already heard about it."

that brings tommy up short. he has heard about that, but no one he'd talked to knew who the dispatcher was. he should have known. it's so crazy it could only have happened to the 118, and there's only one dispatcher attached to them.

that explains why howie's been distant the last few weeks.

"how do you even deal with that?"

"i put a tracker in bobby's arm."

he's… shit. he can't tell if athena is serious or not.

"sounds like you both had a chance to catch up before you caught up."

"i regret this entire conversation," tommy tells her, slouching lower in the booth.

"you started it, i'm just being a supportive friend."

"how are may and darius doing? he's moving in soon, right?"

"they're just fine, and that attempted redirect was blatantly obvious. you're lucky you're not in my line of work."

"i fucked it up," tommy says, shrugging and glancing out the window.

"i assumed if it went well there would be at least two more people at this table," athena says finally, and tommy sags like his strings have been cut. he presses the heels of his hands against his eyes, blinking furiously.

"ah, shit. fuck." everything is hot and prickly behind his hands and he knows he's about to cry. "damnit."

athena gives him a minute and tommy could kiss her for it. "deep breath," she says finally, sliding a glass of water in front of him. her hand is tight on the back of his neck, keeping him grounded.

"i'm okay."

athena ignores the blatant lie. "give me your keys, i'll drive you home."

discretion's the better part of valour, so tommy doesn't argue. he digs his keys out of his pocket, handing them over. athena puts on some low jazz and follows tommy's croaked directions home.

athena looks around his house and tommy wonders what she sees. tidy, spartan, the only things out of place are the things that evan left behind. he's never going to read a history on the barrel riders of niagara falls, but evan had been almost halfway through. tommy's stuck a bookmark in it and closed it, but it's still in the middle of the kitchen table. who the fuck leaves a book there. tommy blinks, looking up at the ceiling.

athena putters around the kitchen, starting the kettle and digging through tommy's cupboards until she finds the tea, making them both a cup. "i'm not about to break any confidences," she says, sitting down across from him. "but i know that whatever happened, it was on the both of you. not just you, not just him."

[yawningcat07]

OMG hi!! First of all—your art?? Literal perfection?? I’ve been following since like… your third post (I think??) and I scream a little every time I see you upload. ANYWAY I was wondering!! How do you do your shading?? Like what brushes? What app?? How many layers are we talking?? I’m nosy and also in awe and trying to learn from the gods pls help

AWE IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY TO KNOW MY ART CAN MAKE SOMEONE SQUEAL AND KICK THEIR LEGS XD!♡ have a little sketch as a thank you 🫴

Ok- I'm so relieved to finally have someone to teach the little things I've learned over the years! ! Everything under the cut!✂️

●A big thing I think with doing shadow and lighting comes from understanding your art style, there's actually a lot of different ways to shade or highlight, and sometimes the way can match the style! With me, if I'm doing traditional drawing on paper, I'll either go realistic with shading or I'll do cross-hatching, basically a bunch of scratches where shadow should be, search it up, it's interesting to see the different types of shading!

●With my current art style on digital, I actually don't do much shadow! It's a bunch of layers of highlights! And only in places where I think it's of extreme need for shadow, I'll do a light layer of shadow! (These places being places like under the head where the neck starts, under the arms, where skin touches skin or something, and just little crevices here and there.)

● For the app I use: I use Sketchbook! I've used this app for over three years now maybe? And I've yet to find a better one, I love this app! And for the highlights and shadows, I'll actually use one of the sharper edged brushes, like one of the ink pens, instead of using a brush with a faded or soft edge, but this changes for highlights if I change my style, the shadows usually stay sharp!

●And lastly, for number of layers I end up with- the max of layers I usually end up with is around 3-4 layers! One for the line art, one for the basic color, one for (sometimes) both highlights and shadows, so that I can erase a tweak them without having to worry about messing up the color, and one for any more effects, like making the eyes glow or something!

OK! That's it I think- You don't know how flattering it is to have someone come to you for advice, you make me feel like it looks like I know what I'm doing lol! :')

AND HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY/NIGHT!!

[aureumms]

Would love to hear your case on why goldenduo should be changed to neutral/negative on the DSMP wiki

thank you anon for the ask, i can now go apeshit since i have been freed from the “nobody asked for that” anxiety

so here we go (p.s., i am talking STRICTLY about c!, not cc!—they are separated here)

I’m gonna clarify two things:

First, this is literally just me yapping in a very unorganized manner, I am NOT demanding a change of the wiki, just giving my thoughts. I’m doing this just for fun, and am in no way shape or form criticizing the work of people who have spent hours upon hours making such a detailed wiki. It’s great.

Second, I am looking in between the lines for something invisible to the naked eye when there probably isn’t anything, but that’s the point. I’m like the guy you see on street corners holding up signs and spewing nonsense—I get it if you think this post will just be a huge nothing-burger of goldenboys yapping where I point at clips where they’re in the same frame and fall into a rant about the unconscious mind and its wants .

I’m gonna be honest when I say I don’t think c!Purpled technically disliked c!Tommy, even when they had their spats or whatever. Even in the earlier days when Tommy expressed disliking Purpled to his face, Purpled stated he did like Tommy. While this could be taken as sarcasm because Purpled was very sarcastic in the stream he and Tommy had a “group” for about an hour or two, I think it’s still worth nothing because Purpled is still serious at some points.

There are also some points where I believe Purpled wanted Tommy’s trust, or he didn’t want a stupid feud anymore. The first instance of this could be when Purpled was the only one who saw Tommy and Wilbur spying on the Manberg Festival, Oct. 16th 2020. Purpled saw Tommy and Wilbur, made direct eye contact with Tommy—but he didn’t snitch. He said nothing, and pretended like he saw nothing. (I so badly wished Purpled was streaming so we could have gotten his thoughts on that.) I’m also gonna make a point here that almost every instance where Purpled and Tommy fought, Purpled was almost never the initial instigator, he was merely fighting back since he felt threatened. I’m referring to when Tommy threw the first stab during the Manberg festival, and then Purpled eventually got a kill on him.

I’m gonna pick up with the Manberg vs. Pogtopia war + the Chaos War, where the info about their relationship on the wiki leaves Off. Like it states, Tommy did in fact mock Purpled for a few second because he defected to their side. And yeah, that happens—Tommy hits him a couple of times and mocks, repeating “i changed my mind” two or three times. But this doesn’t seem to really Affect Purpled. Sure, he defends himself, but he doesn’t seem too swayed since he isn’t kicked off of Pogtopia’s side. Points for that?

Here’s the thing that I’m not sure a lot of people noticed during the war though; Purpled basically made almost subconscious attempts to protect Tommy throughout. (Almost none of the clips I am going to talk about are linked in the wiki, so at the END of this post I will have a master video posted so you can look at every clip I am talking about.) The Manberg vs Pogtopia war is a TREASURE trove for these clips. First, (making a stretch here,) when everyone is surrounding Dream to get info out of him, Purpled jumps to Tommy’s side and has a bow out, pointed at Dream. He also says “thanks” when Tommy calls the rest of them cool looking, which made me cheer !

Purpled also at one point expresses he’s worried about if he made the right decision, and if he made the right decision too late, RIGHT before looking at Tommy. To me this says that he’s worried he isn’t gonna be taken seriously by Pogtopia’s side since he is a Manberg defector, and he still wants a positive relationship with Tommy. What a yearner /j

Before L’Manberg is blown to literal bits, while everyone is expressing their confusion—mostly about Philza joining and Wilbur being M.I.A—Tommy is attempting to fight Technoblade on the roof and nobody notices it. Except Purpled. He literally zooms in on Tommy on the roof, runs closer to the building he’s on, and throws two enderpearls, saying “Are we just all going to ignore that?” Before you say that he could be referring to Phil joining, that likely is not the case considering MULTIPLE people referenced Philza joining in the previous moments. Purpled is focused on Tommy and Technoblade. Focused on helping TOMMY. When Purpled eventually does teleport up and sees Tommy is no longer up on the roof and therefore no longer in immediate danger, Purpled backs off from Technoblade.

Later, when Techno has a crossbow to Tommy and Tubbo after L’Manberg has been blown up, Purpled pulls out an AXE and slowly but very surely makes his way over to Tommy’s side, like he is ready to attack Techno if he decides to shoot Tommy or Tubbo. (Neighborsduo AND Clingyduo mention) Unconscious mind folks UNCONSCIOUS MIND.

Okay, timeskip time ! I want to make a point by saying I think there was like. a flip in their perspectives. Purpled becomes the one who wants nothing to do with the possibility of a friendship, Tommy seems indifferent to the idea and/or pities Purpled + still teases him.

Post-Wilbur Revival, Tommy and Wilbur are strolling the main path when Wilbur points out Purpled’s destroyed UFO. Tommy is immediately confused and expresses that the UFO being destroyed “isn’t very right.” While Wilbur goes on about “someone’s been a copycat,” Tommy is still showing remorse and pity over the fact Purpled’s UFO has been destroyed. In fact, he says nothing negative about Purpled, and even says that the UFO was one of the staple builds of the DSMP—saying it’s “shit” that it’s been destroyed.

Now to the stream where Tommy visits Las Nevadas, WITHOUT Wilbur (for clarification.) Who knows how long it’s been since Tommy and Purpled have even spotted each other by this point. It has to have been a while, because Tommy seems delighted at the fact he’s seen Purpled again, saying “I haven’t seen this man in a fuckin’…” (he trails off.) Now while Tommy does steal two ender pearls, and Purpled punches him, Purpled doesn’t make a point to persist after Tommy throws a pearl. I think that this could add to the Neutral/Negative aspect, since while there is teasing/slight conflict, there is no ill feelings. At least on Tommy’s end, since we don’t have Purpled’s POV.

That’s all I have. Now: The clips! Thank you for reading this.

[Video time: 2:22]

[epickiya722]

This is so funny to me...

There's this video called "No, You CAN'T Fix Him- These 4 Anime Men Are Beyond Saving" and of course, Sukuna is one of those four (the other three were Griffith, Eren and Light).

And the guy narrating was like "and this is your hear me out" after listing how Sukuna is evil, he's the embodiment of all those bad things, yadda yadda.

He mentions little later how the ironic thing is that Sukuna is somewhat fixable as at the end of the manga it took him to be defeated to realize he could take a different path and called that his "redemption" but then I thought about that.

Geniune question: would you call his end his "redemption"?

The way I see it, just because a character recognizes what they do is wrong doesn't mean they're redeemed or at least, entirely. They have to really put in the work to prove they want to change and make up for their faults.

In the afterlife, Sukuna admits his faults and decides to take a different path for a chance of reincarnation with Uraume. It's up to imagination as to what could happen to them after that.

Sukuna may have chose to go a different path, but does that mean his life completely around? No, he's liable to repeat his actions depending on the situation he is born into. But does that mean he will repeat those bad actions? Also, no.

I don't think Sukuna's end was redemption. But him becoming enlightened that he could live however he wants and he doesn't have to choose the same path as before. That for once, do something different. This is his chance for redemption.

That was the thing about him. Sukuna had a repetitive life. Eat, kill, put fear into people and repeat. After his complete defeat, he then thought "Alright, yeah, I did all those things, but how about I take that chance to do something different with my life?" Say what you want about how Sukuna feels about Yuji and vice versa, but the two will think about what the other says to him.

Sukuna did take in account of Yuji's words of "what if your life could have been this".

Now, as for "fans wanting to fix Sukuna"?

I don't see it.

Take it from someone who is a Sukuna fan and have seen what other Sukuna fans say about him.

Yes, some talk about him having a sad story and have their fantasies, but I don't think I ever seen a Sukuna fan ever actually want to fix Sukuna.

In fact, his evil nature is one of the reasons why he's a "hear me out".

Yeah, seen "Sukuna can have a soft spot with me" or whatever, but not "I can change him to be completely good".

Heck, even in AUs, Sukuna still has mean streak. He's still kind of a jackass.

Now I'm sure there are fans who think they could "fix him" to a totally different character or whatever.

But from what I have seen? Sukuna fans, at most, don't actually want to fix him.

The video may talk about other characters, but this is one of those times I feel like people kind of have this thing to make fun of fans of JJK men, who mostly are women, like "Oh my gosh, they're so weird, they're so delusional" and no matter how you say your words... it's ridiculous.

Any guy who makes of a woman for finding any JJK man attractive, better have that same energy for their homeboy crushing on any JJK woman or any animated woman.

In general, I hate this thing where people act like only female fans like animated characters for their attractiveness and "want to fix that character" (and half the time it ain't it) and then call them "delusional and weird" (let's stop with those words) when sir, I just seen you post the YGO "It should have been me, not him" meme pertaining to wanting this anime woman to wrap her legs around your neck and choke you until you pass out.

[eveningspirit]

Frank Langdon and Back Pain, Part Three [screencaps from episode 1x06]

Part One

Part Two

I'm quite surprised how many caps I made from this episode. Maybe I went a little overboard? Well, even if I did, so what, right? Let's all look at his pretty mug and guess what hides underneath.

Let's start with another example of Frank leaning against things, as he watches the betting pool. And then talks to Dana.

Then, we see him leaning again, although it's not clear from the camera angle. However, before the episode aired, we got that one promo picture, where it is evident.

And also, what it with that face?

The lip biting. We see him do that every now and again (the first screencap anyone?), we also see him do that "blow out" thing. And of course that adorable tongue thing when he's focused. But the biting and the blowing are grimaces people sometimes make to stave off something uncomfortable, like pain or... well... maybe some withdrawal symptoms could fit into that category? Maybe.

The body movements. I vaguely mentioned that slightly hunched pose in one of my previous entries, and here it is again. He looks tense, doesn't move with as much ease as others around him. I'm not sure anymore, whether it's some real observation, or entirely my bias at this point, but I thought I'd mention it too.

And here, since we have Dr. Garcia with us, I wanted to point out something. Below is the scene where Dr. Santos drops the scalpel straight into Garcia's foot. As you can see, it hurts. Nevertheless, Garcia is a doctor, so she swallows her pain and doesn't take Robby's offer to switch over. She's going to finish what she started. I guess that's how all doctors are? (are supposed to be? ;)

And looking at her as she performs the procedure, if you didn't know that she was literally stabbed in the foot, would you even be able to tell that she's in pain? Like I said before, moderate, or even moderately severe pain can be invisible to bystanders.

Back to Langdon. Here he is, once again putting some of his weight on the patient--his sternum this time. In the next screencap he's seated at the patient's bedside while Santos is standing. And in the final pic, he's leaning against the desk.

To finish off this part I wanted to add something about Frank Langdon's more obvious storyline this season--his addiction. These posts I'm making about him possibly suffering more or less severe pain, aren't meant to downplay the seriousness of addiction and substance abuse.

Even if he is in pain, the way he went about it, self medicating, is not the right way. "Physician heal thyself" shouldn't be taken literally, you kno... There's a reason doctors aren't supposed to treat their close relatives and treating yourself takes away any remaining objectivity and common sense out of the equation.

Another reason I'm focusing on the pain angle more, than on addiction/withdrawal angle (although some types of pain, and certainly muscle tightness/spasticity may be directly associated with benzo withdrawal), is because this is what interests me. It's as simple as that. No moral judgment, no attempt to find arguments that "he's not really addicted". I don't do sneaky and manipulative. I just... missed my calling. I should have been a medieval torturer kidding, goddess, I'm kidding!

That's all for now. Thank you for sticking with me. :)

[jamiesfootball]

I’ve been twirling it around in my head how Ted and Jamie had similar but opposite movies assigned to them, both revolving around the concepts of dreaming and waking up, but which are very very different in execution. Like literally so different, that that’s the only common thread they have.

Ted, son of Dorothy, with the Wizard of Oz. Leaving the tornado back home in Kansas and traveling to another world where he builds relationships with people trying to discover the magic in themselves. Something about a road (but also something about quoting Robert Frost’s ‘the road not taken’). Crossing through the Dark Forest. Making his way to the Emerald (Man) City. And we know the point of Oz is that eventually you can not stay in the dream. The shoes you’ve found and worn will carry you back home - you’ve had the power within you this whole time. But it also begs the question: has Ted met the man behind the curtain yet? Or is that man meant to be the reflection of himself, the person - the dad and husband - he always assumed he’d be? Wizard of Oz is ostensibly a story about growth and questioning your belief in the role you’ve been assigned and when you’re ready, seeing who you really are and what the world really is. You had the power all along. The dream is a wonderful place, but it’s closing time and you want to go home. You want to go home.

“There’s no place like home.���

In Nightmare on Elm Street you are never safe in your home. Freddy Krueger hurt and sexually abused kids when he was alive (in the waking world), and after he died preyed on kids when they were asleep (in the dream world). And even when they were awake, the kids were always afraid that Freddy was after them. Jamie is literally afraid of his own Freddy Krueger. There are no magic shoes. There is no exploration of self, no growth, no learning - there is just constant, exhausting vigilance. The only way to kill Freddy Krueger is with fire, and even then he keeps coming back. And that’s the note that every Freddy Krueger movie leaves on. The idea and hope that maybe you’re safe. Maybe this time. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. So you try to enjoy that possibility as hard as you can, as much you can, but it’s forced, because you know deep inside that you can’t truly know that if you’re safe ever again. Because it’s the hope that kills you.

So Ted. Sweet Ted. Amazing Ted with his red heels and his beloved witches and his strange but wonderful companions and his flying monkeys. Ted probably feels like he is wrapping up in Oz, ready to face the wreckage of the tornado head on. He’s ready to leave the dream. And he thinks as he’s talking to a Jamie from his world, a Jamie that has grown so much and who’s so strong and smart and kind, a kid who’s so so brave. Because that’s what Ted has seen. That’s the role he’s played. From his viewpoint, this is how the movie goes.

But that’s not Jamie’s viewpoint. Jamie may have wandered into Ted’s play, but to him if he ever fit in, it was only because he was pretending. Because he was stopping himself from being a prick. Everyone else is great and does great things - it’s Jamie who needs to try harder. Ted’s dream was a great place to hide for a while, but Jamie was never waiting for the slippers; he was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. One, two, Freddy’s coming for you. You can’t hide from him. You can’t escape him. And he can even get you in your dreams.

Which is why there’s a point in every Freddy Krueger movie when the victim says they’ve had enough of hiding, and they take some sleeping pills, and they decide to face him head on.

So Ted thinks he’s ready to leave Oz behind and that everyone in Oz will be fine once he’s gone, when actually what he’s accidentally done is given Jamie an idea: to wade into the Dark Forest and confront Freddy Krueger head on. Jamie doesn’t h

Ted and Jamie are talking, but they’re not in the same movie. They’re not in the same genre. They’re both at the end of their movies, ready to face the bad guy, so they think they’re having the same conversation. But they’re not.

And once again I’ve typed so far that I’m not sure where I’m going with this, but there’s definitely. More story there. A climax that hasn’t happened. Another story to explore. Because what becomes of the companions after Dorothy leaves Oz? Even if Jamie defeats Freddy, will he survive to the end of his own movie? Does he make it to the sequel?

Will Roy Kent get to fight his dad like Jason Vorhees? Does he already own a machete, and does he borrow the hockey mask from Van Damme?

Now I’ll just pivot down a different somewhat related path (road):

Shoes.

Isaac literally told Keeley he just wanted to do something with shoes. Something about the shoes. Something about Jamie burning the shoes his mum got him. Something about all the football lads fighting over what kind of shoes they’re allowed to wear, and Dani hating mourning shoes and stealing Rebecca’s soft bright cozy ones that she never wears. Jamie being stuck in his socks at the locker room at Wembley. Roy wearing his colorful socks with the yoga mums. Keeley wearing shoes that out her on eye level with everyone else. Trent’s leopard shoes. All these people in Oz with their fucking shoes or lack thereof.

Dreams!

And shoes!

[crossbackpoke-check]

blessed be (lorscher bienensegen) | telling the bees (wiþ ymbe)

"Bees" [remixed, abridged], Claudia Emerson // "Letter to Someone Living Fifty Years from Now" [remixed. abridged], Matthew Olzmann // "Letter to my Great, Great Grandchild" [remixed, abridged], J.P. Grasser | Len Redkole, Nina Weiss, Brian Babineau, Christian Peterson, Mitchell Leff, Dave Isaac, Megan DeRuchie

[bakudekublogblog]

alright I’m bored so here’s my extremely optimistic crack theory: assuming katsuki seeing a vestige means we’ll see him in the vestige realm, when kudo sorted through izuku’s memories he put his forehead on the wall right??

what if izuku is having a crisis about being left quirkless again and vestige katsuki needs to touch foreheads with izuku to show him all his memories of izuku being heroic without a quirk and he tells him “you never needed a quirk. you were always a hero” or something like that because it’s what izuku always needed to hear

[white-cat-of-doom]

Griddlebone Playlist

This playlist is meant to outline the complex (and fundamental) emotion of love, and the pitfalls and joys of chasing after something grand that requires another to reciprocate the affection.

More specifically for this set of songs, the want for love while having the feeling that something is not quite right, either with the other individual involved, or within your own mind. Through isolating oneself into hollow emptiness after heartbreak, and due to feeling devoid of being wanted, it is hard to be vulnerable and let anyone back into a place of emotional attachment.

Did you ever actually feel what 'love' was? Are you really deserving of being loved? After everything, wherever can you find it?

川口雅代 (Masayo Kawaguchi) – Melty

ROMY – LOVE コマーシャル (Love Commercial)

越美晴 (Miharu Koshi) – 恋はファニー・フィーリング (Love Is A Funny Feeling)

宮原芽映 (Mebae Miyahara) – 悪魔のように微笑んで (Smiling Like A Devil)

いしだあゆみ & ティン・パン・アレイ・ファミリ(Ayumi Ishida & Tin-Pan-Alley-Family) – 私自身 (Myself)

麗美 (REIMY) – シャドー・ブレイ (Shadow Play)

竹内まりや (Mariya Takeuchi) – プラスティック・ラブ (Plastic Love)

工藤順子 (Junko Kudo) – 夕顔姐さん (Ms. Yugao)

Meow Meow & Thomas Lauderdale – Hotel Amour

Tracks 1 and 2, 3 and 4, 5 through 7, and 8 and 9, are meant to represent different sections of time in the life of the Queen.

Signature song with playlist: Meow Meow & Thomas Lauderdale – Hotel Amour

Track One: 川口雅代 (Masayo Kawaguchi) – Melty

“ううん･･･ ････何でもないけれど 少し 不安になっただけ" ("Ugh... ...It's nothing, but I just felt a little anxious") 知られた分だけ わたしから 冷めてゆくのが こわいから (I'm afraid that the more you know, the more you'll grow colder from me) "･･･そうよ･･･” (That’s right…”) すき間もない程に 昨夜 ひとつになったの (Last night we became one, with no gaps between us) しがみついたら 微笑うけど どうしていいのか わからない (I smile when I hold on to you, but I don't know what to do) Melty 手を引かれて 溶かし溶かされ 充たされるはずなのに (My hand should be pulled away, melted, melted, and filled up) Melty つかめないの どうしてかしら? 肩すかしされた 気分 (I can't grasp it, why? I feel like I've been ignored) 何にも言わずに 抱き寄せて (Without saying anything, I hold you close) 朝の光が あなたの景色変えないうちに (Before the morning light changes your scenery) “いやよ” ("No, no") ･･･言いかけてやめるのは うまく 言い聞かせるつもりね (...I'm trying to convince you to stop when I say it) 困らせたいの! (I want to embarrass you!) "お見通し” ("Foresight") 小悪魔ぶっても かなわない (Even if I act like a little devil, I can't compete) Melty 手を引かれて 溶かし溶かされ 充たされるはず充たされるはずなのになのに (My hand should be pulled away, melted, melted, and filled up) Melty つかめないの どうしてかしら? (I can't grasp it, why?) 何かが 違ってゆくの 何も言わせず 抱き寄せて (Something is going to be different, don't let me say anything, hold me close) めかくししてね ちぐはぐなこと 言わないうちに (Before I get too confused and say something foolish) Melty 手を引かれて 溶かし溶かされ 充たされるはずなのに (My hand should be pulled away, melted, melted, and filled up) Melty つかめないの どうしてかしら? 肩すかしされた気分 (I can't grasp it, why? I feel like I've been ignored) 何も言わずに 抱き寄せて (Hold me close without saying anything) めかくししててね (Please cover your eyes) 朝の光で 見えないうちに (Before you can see it in the morning light)

The initial apprehension of being more intimately involved, emotionally and physically, with another person comes with the realization that she felt nothing when it happened. She should be able to feel a deeper connection, but something is not right, and instead pretends and acts accordingly like everything is fine.

Track Two: ROMY – LOVE コマーシャル (Love Commercial)

指の中で タバコふかし 何もないのに 愛にまみれた (I smoked a cigarette in my fingers and was covered in love, even though there was nothing there) 気にするコトが 自分以外の あの人に対する 愛の神経 (What I worry about is the nerves of love for someone other than myself) いつか見た あの人はいない 私の人には ならなかった (That person I saw someday wasn't the same person I was) 私はなまけて ただならぬ犬より (I'm better than a lazy dog) ただの人を 選んでみただけ (I just picked a person) 私のコントロール あえてコントロール こわくてコントロール あえてコントロール 心に 私まかせ コントロール (My control, dare to control, I'm afraid to control, dare to control, leave it to my heart to control me) 頭の中で おもいふかし 何があるのか 夢のざわめき (I wonder what's going on inside my head, The buzz of dreams) ただならぬ人だから あえて こわがって あの人に対する 愛の恐怖 (Because he is an extraordinary person, I dare to be afraid of him, and the fear of love towards him) 抱かれる日は 心 うきあし もうひとりの私 かくしきれない (The days when I'm held in your arms, I feel happy, and I can't hide my other self) 私のコントロール あえてコントロール こわくてコントロール あえてコントロール 心に 私まかせ コントロール (My control, dare to control, I'm afraid to control, dare to control, leave it to my heart to control me)

A reflection on not feeling love when, or to the level, you think you should, while worrying how it will affect your partner. There is a comfort in being together with someone, but that surface level connection will eventually face the challenge of it being something more for them, and she is not prepared or ready for that.

Ultimately, it is up to Griddlebone to move forward in the best way that makes sense to her, and that path is one alone.

Track Three: 越美晴 (Miharu Koshi) – 恋はファニー・フィーリング (Love Is A Funny Feeling)

彼は時間に遅れて 私は指輪を忘れた だけど ゴメンも言わずに つまらぬ言い訳ごっこ 空は春 時は今 幸せですと言わんばかり だけど 二人の心は ちぎれ雲 (He was late and I forgot my ring But we don't say sorry, we make boring excuses, And the sky keeps saying that we're happy now in spring but our hearts are torn apart by clouds) 恋はファニー・フィーリング かまわず回る 恋はファニー・フィーリング 慣れっ子 だけど (Love revolves around funny feelings, but love is used to funny feelings) 彼は口笛吹きながら 私 ため息つきながら 通り過ぎる 街角 小鳥の歌だけ響く (He was whistling, I pass by with a sigh, Only the song of a small bird echoes on the street corner) いろんなことが あったけど みんないい思い出ばかり だから ここらでピリオド それがいい (A lot has happened, but we all have only good memories, So it's good to have the end around here) 恋はファニー・フィーリング 手を振りながら 恋はファニー・フィーリング 深刻ぶらず 歌いながら 笑ってサヨナラするわ オー ファニー オー ファニー ファニ ファニ オー フィーリング オー ファニー オー ファニー ファニ ファニ オー フィーリング (Love is a funny feeling, while waving, Love is a funny feeling, don't take it seriously, I'll laugh and say goodbye while singing Oh Funny Oh Funny Funny funny oh feeling Oh Funny Oh Funny Funny funny oh feeling)

In a goal to subside the loneliness and longing to feel proper love, Griddlebone moves through relationships over time to find the elusive 'love' she believes is out there. Scared of getting too involved with someone she holds minimal emotion for, she breaks off any connection before feelings develop from the other party, and plays it off as something lighthearted.

Despite her efforts, she cannot find someone who fulfills her inside the way she thinks love should be.

Track Four: 宮原芽映 (Mebae Miyahara) – 悪魔のように微笑んで (Smiling Like A Devil)

罠をしかけ待ってるん 悪魔のように 微笑んで (I'm setting a trap up and waiting for you, smiling like a devil) さあ ドアを 叩いて ドアを ひらいて (Come on, knock on the door, open the door) 泣きまねの 電話 かけて 街灯り 胸はずませ (I made a phone call imitating crying, and the street lights made my heart flutter) あの人を 呼び出したの (I called that person) 数えては 時間をかせぐ (Counting the time to buy myself some) 優しさを 言い訳して 赤い血が 流れる前に (Kindness, before I make excuses and red blood flows) 嘘をつく ずるいあなた 忘れてよ あの娘の事は (Forget about lying You're so cunning about that girl) 罠をしかけ待ってるん 悪魔のように 微笑んで (I'm setting a trap up and waiting for you, smiling like a devil) さあ ドアを 叩いて ドアを ひらいて (Come on, knock on the door, open the door) 待つだけの 女なんて さよならよ 今夜こそは (Say goodbye to the woman who only waits, tonight) 愛の 糸 足にからませ あの人を もう逃がさない (I'll let the thread of love entwine around my legs and never let that person slip away again) 罠をしかけ待ってるん 悪魔のように 微笑んで (I'm setting a trap up and waiting for you, smiling like a devil) さあ ドアを 叩いて ドアを ひらいて (Come on, knock on the door, open the door)

A new connection with someone shows promise, but she discovers that her partner is a cheater, something that hurts Griddlebone in a way that she has not experienced before. Not used to being treated as a second thought, and feeling like she is not worthy of love if made so inconsequential, she plots to destroy and expose her partner for what they have done to her.

All the joy and hope that she felt in locating a person that is right for her is now crushed, and she vows to not let herself be taken advantage of ever again in the pursuit of love.

Track Five: いしだあゆみ & ティン・パン・アレイ・ファミリ(Ayumi Ishida & Tin-Pan-Alley-Family) – 私自身 (Myself)

ひとりソファーに寝ころんで 恋の歌聞くでもなし 歌うでもなし (I lie alone on the sofa and listen to love songs, but I don't sing them) 私は日暮れを見つめています (I'm staring at the sunset) 部屋の窓には東京湾の 船の灯が小さく揺れて (In the window of the room, the lights of the ships in Tokyo Bay sway slightly) 一人ぐらしに疲れた時は 結婚なんか考えてます (When I get tired of living alone, I think about marriage) 夜汽車で旅に出る時は 色のない写真のように 素顔のままで 東京駅から出かけています (When I travel by night train, I leave Tokyo Station with my bare face, just like a colourless photograph) 幾度か恋にこの身を灼いて 歌を忘れた私だけれど (I have forgotten how to sing because my body has been burnt by love many times) 淋しさだけを心に積んで 今日もぽつんと歌っています (But today, I sing alone once again with only loneliness in my heart) くちづけ交す恋人にさえ 私の気持は言えないでしょう (I can't even tell my feelings to my lover who kisses me) 人に知られず流した涙 (The tears I shed without anyone knowing) 私は今日も歌っています････ (I'm still singing today...)

Moving on from her heartbreak, Griddlebone refrains from being involved with anyone else for a lengthy period of time, as that means she cannot be hurt once again. However, she cannot help but feel that the emptiness inside her continues to grow as time passes, even if she tries to remain strong willed. Her thinking is that she does not need anyone to sustain her happiness if she keeps the love she has to give tightly held internally.

Track Six: 麗美 (REIMY) – シャドー・ブレイ (Shadow Play)

淋しい笑顔と 言われるのに馴れても (Even if I get used to being told that my smile is lonely) 真夜中の鏡 覗けばつ��やくの (When I look into the mirror in the middle of the night, I whisper) Say, Love is the shadow play, shadow play Love is the shadow play 恋しても (Even if I fall in love) Love is the shadow play, shadow play, shadow play ひとりぼっちじゃ怖い (I'm scared of being alone) 街角の華やかさに 気がつけば急ぎ足 (If you notice the glamour on the street corner, hurry up) 片思いのままなら 恋も失くさず済むでしょう (If you keep your love unrequited, you won't lose your love) Say, Love is the shadow play, shadow play, shadow play Love is the shadow play, 密やかに (Secretly) Love is the shadow play, shadow play, shadow play 遠くあなた見てる (I'm watching you from afar) 気づかないで (Don't notice) darling 壊さないで (Don't break it) wow wow Love Love Love Love Love Love, darling, Love Love Love Love is the shadow play

Her loneliness begins to swell to a point of action, and Griddlebone cannot ignore it or remain dormant for much longer. She is unhappy being completely alone, and wants to feel any form of connection with another, but does not want to be hurt again.

Feeling unworthy of being loved due to her faults, her past pursuit of love becomes less of a task to complete and more of a buried burden she has to carry.

In order to protect herself from emotional suffering, she develops a cold façade to protect herself with.

Track Seven: 竹内まりや (Mariya Takeuchi) – プラスティック・ラブ (Plastic Love)

突然のキスや 熱いまなざしで (With a sudden kiss and a passionate gaze) 恋のプログラムを 狂わせないでね (Do not cause a malfunction to the love program) 出逢いと別れ 上手に打ち込んで (Type in encounters and separations well) 時間がくれば終わる (When the time comes, it ends) Don't hurry! 愛に傷ついた あの日からずっと (Since the day I was heartbroken, I've been having a life) 昼と夜が逆の 暮らしを続けて (That's been reversed between day and night) はやりのDiscoで 踊り明かすうちに (While dancing the nights away at the popular disco) おぼえた魔術なのよ (There is a magic I've learned) I'm sorry! わたしのことを決して 本気で愛さないで (Never love me seriously) 恋なんてただのゲーム 楽しめばそれでいいの (Love is just a game, all I need is to have fun with it) 閉ざした心を飾る 派手なドレスも靴も (The showy dresses and shoes decorating my closed heart) 孤独な友達 (Are my lonely friends) わたしを誘う人は 皮肉なものね いつも 彼に似てるわなぜか 思い出と重なり合う (The men who flirt with me are Ironically always similar to him for some reason My memories with him are overlapped) グラスを落として急に 涙ぐんでも わけは尋ねないでね (Don’t ask me why even if I drop my glass and suddenly glisten with tears) 夜更けの高速で 眠りにつくころ (When I fall asleep by the highway at dawn) ハロゲンライトだけ 妖しく輝く (Only halogen lights are mysteriously shining) 氷のように冷たい女だと ささやく声がしても (Although somebody is whispering that I’m an icy cold woman) Don't worry! I'm just playing games I know that's plastic love Dance to the plastic beat Another morning comes

Relationships become more of a pursuit of pleasure, rather than meaningful connection, for Griddlebone. A cycle of one night encounters to keep her company before the new day begins and she starts over again with someone new. Her self-worth starts to become tied with being seen as attractive and desirable by another person. She has convinced herself that this lifestyle will quell the void inside of her, although she knows in her heart that she is still painfully lonely. The isolation does not cease, no matter how many individuals she crosses path with.

Maybe one day she will not feel this way, but she believes it is her fault that everything turned out the way it has to this point.

Track Eight: 工藤順子 (Junko Kudo) – 夕顔姐さん (Ms. Yugao)

夕顔姐さん 部屋には 夏でもね (Yugao-san, even if it's summer in your room) こたつが置いてある 束ねたコードを つついてる 退屈な 白い猫が家族 (A bored white cat is pecking at the bundled cords next to the kotatsu table) 今夜のお座敷 長過ぎる いつもなら (The tatami room tonight is too long, as normal) 帰ってる時間 (Time to go home) お勝手の隅の 猫メシは 山盛りで (In the corner of the kitchen, there is a mountain of cat food) とても食べきれない (I can't eat it all) 明かりは点いてても 時計の音ばかり そろそろ聞こえて来る はずなのに (Even though the lights are on, all I can hear is the ticking of the clock) 夕顔姐さんの下駄の音 (The sound of Yugao-nee’s geta) 夕顔姐さんの下駄の音 (The sound of Yugao-nee’s geta) 夕顔姐さん 来年 数えでね 六十三になる (Yugao-san, I'll be turning 63 next year) 近頃男はダメだね 粋じゃない それが口ぐせです (Men are no good these days. It's not classy. That's what they say.) 衣ずれの裾は 萩の花 つい昨日 かけたパーマネント (The hem of my clothes was like a clover flower, a permanence that I wore just yesterday) 西に傾いた 大きな お月様 帰りを急がせる (The big moon leaning to the west hurries my return home) 浮かれ足の男 物欲し気な女 (A playful man, a wistful woman) 若いネオンの街に カラコロと (In a young neon city, colourfully) 夕顔姐さんの下駄の音 (The sound of Yugao-nee’s geta) 夕顔姐さんの下駄の音 (The sound of Yugao-nee’s geta) 細い路地に入ると 犬達が吠えだす 待ちくたびれた猫は夢で聞く (When I enter a narrow alley, the dogs start barking, and the tired cat hears it in a dream) 夕顔姐さんの下駄の音 (The sound of Yugao-nee’s geta) 夕顔姐さんの下駄の音 (The sound of Yugao-nee’s geta)

Years removed from the emotional low point of her life, the empty hedonism to fill the void inside her, Griddlebone has taken up residence with an older, single woman that has mirrored her own experiences in the search of love. The familiar sounds of geta beckon the arrival of her human home to Griddlebone, and her days are spent resting in the sun and keeping busy through the house, all while reminiscing of a past of incomplete love. She has become accustomed to a quiet, uneventful life where she is loved by Ms. Yugao as a sweet pet and taken care of like the beautiful Queen she is.

Still, there is an unshakable feeling that she has missed out on true love in her life, despite her current, content happiness.

Track Nine: Meow Meow & Thomas Lauderdale – Hotel Amour

Fun fact: Meow Meow played Griddlebone in the 2019 movie!

I looked for Love in the beautiful cities I looked for Love up in the air I looked underground though I knew that I shouldn't And still, no Love was anywhere I went to the place they call Heaven I went to the Hotel Amour I sat still and wrote Love some letters But Love doesn't read anymore I sang Love into my stories And I danced Love into my dreams But Love didn't find me Let alone blind me Love is nowhere it seems I looked for Love by pretending I wasn't I looked for Love close to the bone I fixed up some wings and I bought all the permits So Love could take flight when it was grown I followed the maps, I read all the signs I bought Love a building called "Home" I filled in the forms and I paid all the taxes Still, Love left me alone... My heart's still jumping out of my skin I've nothing to keep the feeling in I've nothing to do to make Love stay I've nothing to keep the darkness away You're all in the grandness of little things A leaf that's shaped like a heart A simple breeze, a feather Morning light, evening star And I'm singing to you my stories And I'm dancing with you in my dreams... Love... Love is everywhere... it seems

Throughout her life, Griddlebone has done everything she thought was correct to find and feel a form of love that made her feel complete, but could be deemed as unsuccessful in that pursuit.

Although it never manifested for her as love with another, she has felt the unconditional love of someone that cares for her as the most important thing in her life.

Looking back on her life now as a senior Queen, Griddlebone comes to a realization that love can now be found all around her. It was never her fault for not finding the idea of 'love' that she felt she needed, and there may never have been an instance where she felt that she had found the prize she was after, but love was always with her in the little things of life.

@the-cat-at-the-theatre-door I am not sure if you are still interested in these after all this time, but in case you are, enjoy :).