#this shit afflicts me with a short term 'hate life' status condition ugh | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

system-of-a-feather · 2 years

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Bro, Riku's dragging me out to do some actual further research and solidify my general thoughts on shit cause we have a gynecology appointment to talk about getting the hysterectomy we were considering before but ALSO bring up possible bottom surgery as a proper discussion and we've been putting it off cause personally thinking about that shit in any serious manner even briefly just makes me fucking sick with dysphoria cause we really have like the FAR end of severe dysphoria in terms of bottom dysphoria as far as all trans communities and resources I see talking about coping with it goes and I'm just like

Literally pausing a fucking 8 minute video half way through to take a music break cause this shit fucking hurts on such a visceral level. Like shits like a near OHKO in terms of psychological damage man. I'm built like a tank on physical damage and most emotional damage things but I'm literally like a boss with a GIANT RED weak point on my head when it comes to my own brain at itself.

Like I don't mind mentioning it online cause like, I literally don't have an issue with people bringing it up at me if they aren't my partner but good god I'm like this one thing just fucking OHKOs the tank of a pain endurer that I am.

-XIV

#alter: xiv #i say Rikus dragging me out but more so Riku being like #hey you should probably touch up on the topic before we go in #to have the most effective conversation tomorrow #and me begrudgingly complying #cause they're right #and I loose the right to heckle them by calling them a coward and a pussy if I avoid it when I factually know I can do it without dying #or having a major major breakdown #i have a pride in not being scared of my feelings and emotions and internal experiences #at least not scared enough to lie #deny or actively avoid it like *some* people in this brain #but ugh #this shit afflicts me with a short term 'hate life' status condition ugh #the only way out of this situation is through #so tuck in bitches its gonna be shit for a hot minute (it already has been so it can't get that much worse)#transgender #ftm #ftx #transmasculine

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