#this series is going to destroy me
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JUST FINISHED CHAPTER 23 OF CROWN OF MIDNIGHT!!!
AND I LEGIT DONT WANT TO READ ANYTHING ELSE â BECAUSE ITS GONNA RUIN IT â THERE ARE TOO MANY BOOKS LEFT IN THE SERIES FOR THESE CHARACTERS TO BE THIS HAPPY AND ALSO STAY THIS WAY â BUT ITS JUST SO PERFECT
AND I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY WITH CELAENA AND CHAOL FOREVER
WHYYYYYYYYY
#crown of midnight#throne of glass#celaena sardothien#chaol westfall#celaena x chaol#chaol x celaena#chapter 23#chaolaena#I ship it#i just want them to be happy#fangirl problems#throne of glass series#first read#first reaction#Iâm not crying your crying#i love them your honor#I just want domestic fluff forever#is that too much to ask#no spoilers please#sarah what are you doing#this series is going to destroy me#i will die on this hill#donât even get me started#not me projecting my own trauma onto fictional characters and healing with them#this is a dangerous game#the way he looks at her#the way she looks at him#letâs runaway together#Iâm a sucker for this trope plot platonic slow burn#she said he was home and he held her on the day her parents died and she threw him a birthday party and they have a poem and they danced an
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This was so incredibly beautifully written and I knew, I KNEW what was coming but Oh My God this devastated me
i love you, in every time ŕżâ§â 1854 - could it be love?
chapter summary: You meet Logan, a young man who is briefly stopping by in New York City. Despite both of your better judgments, you quickly realize that perhaps there's nothing wrong with falling in love.
word count: 22.2k+
pairing: Logan Howlett x fem!reader
notes: ahh!! welcome to this new series! i'm very excited to start this journey with all of y'all! just a note, when i say 'character death(s)' in the warnings it means that reader is going to die at the end of every chapter. that's the entire premise of this series, which was inspired by the 11th doctor and clara (iykyk). but first, we have a lot of time to cover before we even reach the first x-men movie so strap in!
i also didn't mean for this to be as long as it is, oops
warnings/tags: fluff, angst, outdated mindsets on women, slow burn, illness, character deaths
series masterlist â chapter 2
You didnât necessarily love your job, but it was better than other options available for you. You grumbled to yourself as you walked down the sidewalk of New York City, horses neighing and wheels rattling on the brick street.
The bonnet on your head protected you from the sun beating down, keeping you from further heat in your dress. You had many things to do while you were out, get the children some new clothes and toys, buy some groceries, and buy some extra cloth for when you eventually had to sew their clothing.
As you passed by a small shop, you paused, peering in through the window. A few wooden toys sat on the shelf inside, simple and sturdy. Perfect for the boys. You pushed the door open, a little bell jingling as you entered, and you made your way toward the display.
"Can I help you, miss?" The shopkeeperâs voice startled you, but you smiled politely.
"Just looking for some toys," you replied, eyes scanning the shelves.
As you picked up a carved wooden horse, the door opened again behind you, letting in a bit of fresh air and a manâs heavy footsteps. You didnât pay it much mind until you felt a presence nearby, a little too close for comfort. You turned slightly, catching sight of a tall man with dark hair and an unshaven face, dressed in a rough shirt and worn pants, a bit out of place among the polished streets of the city.
He glanced your way, his sharp eyes catching yours for a brief moment before he looked back to the shelves.
Something about him felt differentâdangerous, but not in the way that made you want to run. More like it pulled you in, made you curious.
You turned back to the toys, but your mind kept wandering back to the stranger standing nearby. You couldnât help but glance his way again.
"Those are good for little ones," the man said, his voice rough but casual. He nodded at the toy horse in your hand. "They hold up well. Tougher than they look."
You raised an eyebrow, surprised by his sudden comment. "You have experience with them?"
His lips twitched, almost a smile. "A bit. Used to make âem myself."
You looked him over more closely now, intrigued. "You donât seem like the toy-making type."
His eyes flicked to yours, something amused in the way he looked at you. "Not anymore," he said, then turned his attention back to the shelves.
There was a silence between you for a moment, but it didnât feel awkward. If anything, it felt like he didnât mind you being there, like he was used to people drifting in and out of his space.
You finally spoke again. "I suppose these are sturdy enough for two boys, then."
"Yeah. Theyâll survive a beating."
You laughed, the sound surprising you. He gave you another look, a bit more interested this time. There was something about him that made you feel seen in a way that was different from how most men looked at you.
You gathered a few more toys, careful not to spend too much, but you couldnât resist getting something extra for the little girl you looked after. She was sweet, and it wasnât her fault she was stuck in such a strict household.
The stranger watched you with those sharp eyes, like he could see more than what was right in front of him. You wondered what his story was, but you werenât about to ask.
As you headed to the counter, he followed, though he didnât buy anything. The shopkeeper took your coins, and you gathered your parcels, still feeling the manâs presence behind you.
"Thanks for the advice," you said over your shoulder, more as a courtesy than anything else.
He nodded, a slight smirk playing on his lips. "Anytime."
With that, you left the shop, stepping back into the sunlight, the weight of your errands still on your shoulders. But as you walked away, you couldnât help but feel like something had shifted. Like maybe that wasnât the last time youâd see him.
---
Edwin and Phillip seemed to enjoy the toy you got them, already fighting over who gets to play with it first. They were the eldest, Edwin was 9, Phillip was 7, and Ada was 6. You handed her the toy you got for her, one she got to keep all to herself.
Ada's face lit up when you handed her the small, carved doll. She held it in her hands gently, like it was the most precious thing in the world.
"For me?" she asked, her voice soft with disbelief.
You smiled and nodded. "Just for you, Ada."
Her eyes sparkled, and she hugged the doll to her chest. "Thank you!"
Edwin and Phillip were already in the middle of their tug-of-war with the wooden horse, the two boys shouting over whose turn it was.
"I had it first!" Edwin argued, pulling the toy toward him.
"You always get it first!" Phillip shot back, his voice growing louder.
You sighed and stepped in, placing a hand on each of their shoulders. "Why don't you take turns? If you can't share, I'll have to take it away, and no one gets to play with it."
They both groaned but reluctantly agreed, setting the horse on the floor. Edwin was a bit of a handful, but he could be sweet when he wanted to be. Phillip, the quieter one, usually followed his brotherâs lead. At least Ada wasnât much trouble.
After helping Ada settle in with her new toy, you turned to check on the boys, making sure they hadnât already forgotten your words. But as you did, your thoughts drifted back to the man in the shop. There was something about himâsomething that lingered in your mind even now. He didnât fit in with the usual crowd you saw around here, but he didnât seem bothered by that.
It was odd, though, that someone like him would be in a toy shop of all places. You tried to shake the thought away, but it kept creeping back, a sense that your brief encounter meant more than it appeared.
Later, after the children had settled down, you found yourself with a rare quiet moment. You sat by the window, staring out at the street below, watching the people passing by. The day was winding down, the sky fading into hues of orange and pink, and yet, the manâs sharp eyes lingered in your mind.
You shook your head, scolding yourself for thinking too much about a stranger. It was just a passing momentânothing more. You had far more important things to focus on, like taking care of the children and making sure everything ran smoothly for the household. That man, whoever he was, wasnât part of your world.
But still, something in the back of your mind whispered that youâd see him again. And the thought of it didnât exactly bother you.
---
The next few days were a blur of your usual routine. The children kept you busy, and you barely had a moment to yourself. But even as you went through the motions of your daily life, you couldn't help but feel that sense of somethingâor someoneâwaiting.
It was on a brisk afternoon, a few days after your encounter at the shop, when you found yourself running errands again. The streets were busier than usual, with carriages clattering over the cobblestones and people bustling past in a hurry. You had a long list of things to pick up, and the thought of weaving through the crowded market already had you dreading the trip.
As you made your way through the streets, you spotted a familiar figure standing at the corner near a fruit stand. The man from the shop. He hadnât seen you yet, but something about the way he stood, slightly apart from the rest of the crowd, watching the passersby with a quiet intensity, made you pause.
You debated for a moment. Should you approach him? Or would it seem too forward?
Before you could decide, his gaze lifted, and he spotted you. His eyes narrowed, a flicker of recognition passing over his features, but he didnât move. He just stood there, watching you.
You took a deep breath and made your way over, your curiosity getting the better of you.
"Fancy seeing you here again," you said, trying to sound casual as you approached.
"Didnât expect to run into you either," he replied, his voice still rough, but there was a hint of something in his tone. Amusement? Interest? You couldnât quite place it.
"I was just running errands," you said, gesturing to the market behind you. "You know how it is."
He nodded, his eyes flicking over you for a moment before landing back on the crowd. "Yeah, I get it."
There was a beat of silence, but it wasnât uncomfortable. In fact, it almost felt... familiar. Like talking to him wasnât so strange after all.
"Are you from around here?" you asked, breaking the silence.
He shook his head. "Not really. Just passing through."
"Do you always pass through toy shops when you're in town?"
His lips quirked into that almost-smile again. "Only when I feel like it."
You couldnât help but chuckle. "Mysterious, arenât you?"
He shrugged, not giving much away. "Maybe."
You were about to ask him something else when a shout came from behind you. You turned to see one of the street vendors, an older man, calling out angrily at a young boy who had clearly tried to swipe an apple from his cart.
Before you could even react, the man next to you stepped forward. His movements were quick and fluid, like he was used to handling situations like this. He reached the boy before the vendor could get too close, gripping the kid by the collar.
"Hey," the man said, his voice low but firm. "Thatâs not how you do things."
The boy froze, wide-eyed, clearly not expecting to be caught so quickly.
"Put it back," the man ordered.
The boy, trembling slightly, dropped the apple back onto the cart. "Iâm sorry!" he blurted out before scurrying off into the crowd.
You watched as the man exchanged a few words with the vendor, calming him down before he turned back to you, his expression unreadable.
"You didnât have to do that," you said, surprised by how quickly he had handled the situation.
He shrugged again. "The kidâll learn his lesson. Better this way than the other options."
You looked at him, a little more curious now. He wasnât just some rough-around-the-edges stranger. There was something deeper to him, something that made you want to know more.
âI donât think I caught your name the other day,â you settled on, meeting his eyes as the energy of the crowd buzzed around you both.
He gave a small nod, like he was considering whether to answer or not. "Logan," he said simply.
"Logan," you repeated, trying the name on your tongue. It suited him, rough around the edges but solid. "Iâm Y/N."
His gaze lingered on you for a moment longer before he gave another slight nod, acknowledging it. The silence between you wasnât heavy, but it felt like something unspoken passed through the space. Something that told you he wasnât just another passerby in your life.
"Thanks for helping that kid back there," you said, breaking the quiet. "Not everyone would step in like that."
Logan shrugged like it was nothing, his eyes scanning the crowd again. "Not a big deal."
You tilted your head slightly, studying him. "You do that a lot? Play the hero?"
A smirk tugged at the corner of his lips, barely there, but it was enough. "No. Just don't like seeing people get hurt when I can do something about it."
There was a gruffness to his words, but it didnât feel forced. It felt real. And it was clear that he wasnât the type to go around explaining himself to anyone. You liked that.
"Well, either way, it was good of you." You glanced down at the parcels in your arms, suddenly remembering the rest of your errands. "I should probably get going, before Iâm late getting back."
Logan gave you a small nod, his eyes flicking down to your parcels. "You take care."
You hesitated, a part of you not wanting to walk away just yet. But what could you say? You didnât know this man, not really, and yet you felt drawn to him in a way that was hard to explain. Maybe it was the way he carried himself, like he had been through more than he let on. Or maybe it was the quiet strength in him that made you feel oddly safe.
"Maybe Iâll see you around?" you offered, not wanting to make the goodbye feel so final.
Loganâs eyes met yours again, and for a moment, there was something softer in his gaze. "Yeah. Maybe."
With that, you gave him a small smile and turned to leave, weaving your way through the bustling street. As you walked, you couldnât help but glance back once, just to see if he was still there. He was, standing where you left him, watching you go.
---
The following days fell back into your usual routineâtaking care of the children, running errands, keeping the household in order. Yet, no matter how busy you were, your thoughts kept drifting back to Logan. Something about him lingered in your mind, and it wasnât just because he had helped out that kid. There was something deeper, something you couldnât quite shake.
You found yourself wondering if he really was just passing through, or if there was more to his story than he was letting on. You didnât know why it mattered so much, but it did.
One afternoon, as you were helping Ada tie the ribbon on her new dress, she looked up at you with her big, curious eyes.
"Y/N, are you thinking about something?" she asked innocently.
You blinked, surprised. "Why do you ask?"
"Because youâre smiling," she said, her voice soft and sweet.
You hadnât even realized. "Oh," you said, chuckling softly. "I guess I was just lost in thought."
Ada giggled, her small hands playing with the ribbon you had just tied. "You think about a lot of things."
"Thatâs because I have to keep track of all you rascals," you teased, tickling her side gently.
She squealed in delight, wriggling away from you, and you couldnât help but laugh. But as you settled back into the moment, that same thought returned, uninvited. Logan. Would you see him again?
---
It wasnât long before the answer came.
You were out in the market again, picking up some fresh bread for dinner. The smell of the bakery wafted through the air, warm and comforting. You had just handed over your coins to the baker when you felt that familiar presenceâsomething just outside the edge of your awareness, like a shadow that suddenly moved.
Turning slightly, your eyes caught sight of Logan standing near a fruit cart, his hands in his pockets, watching you. It wasnât a surprise this time, but your heart still gave a little flutter at the sight of him. You made your way over, the crowd parting as you walked.
"Logan," you greeted, a smile pulling at your lips before you could stop it.
"Y/N," he replied, nodding in acknowledgment. His expression didnât change much, but there was something almost... pleased in his eyes. Like he had expected you to come over.
"Still passing through?" you asked, raising an eyebrow.
He glanced around the busy street before answering. "Seems like Iâve been here longer than I planned."
"Any reason for that?" you asked, half-joking but also genuinely curious.
Logan looked at you for a long moment, like he was debating how much to say. Finally, he shrugged. "No reason."
You didnât believe him for a second, but you let it go. Instead, you gestured to the bread in your basket. "If youâre still around tomorrow, you should come by the park. I take the children there sometimes in the afternoons. Itâs quieter than here."
Loganâs eyes flicked to yours, considering. "Maybe I will."
You nodded, feeling a strange sense of satisfaction from his answer. It was small, but it was something.
"Well," you said, shifting the basket on your arm. "I should get back before the boys tear the house down."
Logan smirked at that, and you felt a warmth spread through you at the sight of it. He wasnât a man who smiled easily, but when he did, it felt like a reward.
"Take care," he said, his voice low and steady, and you couldnât help but notice how those words made you feel safe in a way you hadnât expected.
As you walked away, the warmth of his gaze stayed with you, lingering long after youâd turned the corner.
---
The next day, you found yourself at the park, just as you had promised. Edwin and Phillip were racing around, laughing as they chased each other, while Ada sat quietly by your side, her doll clutched in her hands.
You tried not to look around for Logan, but you couldnât help it. Every time someone passed by, your heart gave a little jump, only to settle back down when you realized it wasnât him.
Just as you were beginning to think he wouldnât show, you heard the sound of heavy footsteps approaching. You didnât need to look up to know who it was.
"Mind if I join you?" Loganâs voice was calm, but there was something in it that made you smile.
You glanced up, meeting his eyes. "Not at all."
Logan gave a nod, lowering himself onto the bench beside you. He stretched his long legs out, looking completely at ease. The sounds of the childrenâs laughter filled the air, and for a moment, you just sat in companionable silence.
âBoys giving you trouble?â he asked, his voice low and gravelly.
âThey always do,â you replied, watching as Edwin tackled Phillip to the ground. âBut I think theyâd explode if they didnât.â
Loganâs lips twitched at thatâalmost a smile. âKidsâll do that. Got too much energy.â
You tilted your head, studying him out of the corner of your eye. âYou got siblings?â
Logan paused for a second, like the question had caught him off guard. âYeah. A brother.â
You didnât press, sensing there was more to the story but knowing better than to pry. Instead, you turned your attention back to the children.
âDo you have any?â Logan asked, nodding toward the boys.
âNo,â you said, shaking your head. âI look after them for the family I work for. They keep me busy, though. Might as well be mine.â
He gave a soft grunt of acknowledgment, resting his elbows on his knees.
âAnd her?â Logan nodded toward Ada, who sat a little apart from the boys, her doll tucked protectively in her arms.
âThatâs Ada,â you said, smiling softly. âSheâs the quiet one. A little sweet thing, really.â
âSheâs got good taste,â Logan remarked, glancing at the doll in her hands.
You chuckled. âThat was the least I could do for her. Lifeâs not exactly fun in that house.â
Loganâs gaze flicked toward you, something unreadable in his expression. âIt never is.â
You frowned, catching the weight behind his words, but before you could ask what he meant, Ada wandered over to you. She gave Logan a curious glance but stayed close by your side.
âWhoâs he?â Ada whispered, gripping your sleeve.
You smiled. âThis is Logan. Heâs a friend.â
Logan gave her a small nod, and Ada, ever cautious, just stared at him with wide eyes. After a beat, she leaned in close to you and whispered, âHe looks like a bear.â
You triedâreally triedânot to laugh, but it slipped out anyway. Logan gave a low chuckle of his own, shaking his head slightly.
âSmart kid,â he murmured.
Ada, encouraged by your laughter, gave a shy smile. Then she wandered back toward the boys, apparently satisfied with Loganâs presence.
âSheâs got you figured out,â you teased, grinning.
Loganâs expression softened just a bit, and he gave a small shrug. âKids see things plain.â
You leaned back on the bench, letting yourself relax. It was strange, how easy it felt to be around him. You didnât know much about himâhardly anything, reallyâbut something about Logan made you feel like you didnât need to fill the silence with useless conversation.
âDo you ever stop moving?â you asked suddenly, curious. âYou said you were just passing through, but it seems like youâve stayed a bit longer.â
Logan didnât answer right away. He stared out at the park, his expression thoughtful.
âSometimes,â he said finally. âNot often, though.â
âThat sounds lonely.â
His jaw twitched slightly, and he turned his head to look at you. âYou get used to it.â
You held his gaze for a moment, sensing that there was more beneath the surface than he was letting on. But instead of prying, you just nodded, accepting his words for what they were.
âWell, if you ever feel like staying in one place for a bit, you know where to find me,â you said lightly.
Loganâs eyes flickered with somethingâsomething you couldnât quite nameâbut he gave a small nod, like he was filing that thought away.
âAppreciate it,â he murmured.
Before you could say more, Edwin and Phillip came barreling toward you, out of breath and covered in dirt.
âY/N! Y/N!â Edwin shouted. âPhillip said he could run faster than me, but I totally won!â
Phillip scowled, wiping mud off his cheek. âOnly because you pushed me.â
âYou pushed him?â you asked, raising an eyebrow at Edwin.
Edwin squirmed. âNot that hard.â
Logan snorted quietly, drawing both boysâ attention. They looked at him with wide, curious eyes.
âWhoâs that?â Edwin whispered loudly, leaning closer to you.
âThatâs Logan,â you said. âHeâs a friend.â
Edwin tilted his head, squinting up at Logan. âYou look tough.â
Loganâs lips twitched. âI get that a lot.â
âCan you fight?â Edwin asked eagerly, his eyes lighting up. âLikeâlike really fight?â
âEdwin!â you scolded, but Logan just gave a small chuckle.
âYeah,â Logan said. âA bit.â
âWhoa!â Edwinâs jaw dropped, clearly impressed. Phillip, more cautious, stayed quiet but kept his eyes on Logan like he was trying to figure him out.
âAlright, enough of that,â you said, gently ushering the boys away. âGo play before I make you help with dinner.â
Edwin groaned but dragged Phillip along, the two of them running back toward the trees.
You glanced at Logan, shaking your head. âYouâve got yourself some new fans, it seems.â
Logan huffed softly. âKids are alright.â
There was a pause, and then you asked quietly, âYou really do keep moving, donât you?â
Logan looked at you, his expression serious. âYeah.â
You bit your lip, unsure of what to say. There was something in his eyes that told you heâd seen more than mostâmore than you could probably imagine.
âWell,â you said softly, âif you ever get tired of running, you know where to find me.â
Logan held your gaze for a long moment, his eyes searching yours. Then, with the barest hint of a smile, he nodded.
âYeah,â he said quietly. âIâll keep that in mind.â
---
You saw Logan more often than not. Truth be told, you enjoyed his presence. He was different than the other men you had met, not as harsh, didnât look down on you, or see you as an object.
One day, while walking around the market with a small basket, filled with a few apples and some bread, you looked at a carriage, rolling along the brick road with a horse in front.
âI never learned how to ride a horse,â you said, glancing at the carriage as it rolled along the cobblestone street. The words came out before you even knew why you said them, maybe just filling the space between you and Logan.
Logan, walking beside you, gave you a sidelong glance. The faintest trace of a smirk played at the corner of his mouth. âThat right?â
You shrugged, shifting the basket in your hand. âNever had a reason to, I suppose. And itâs not exactly something you pick up living in the city.â
He made a low noise in his throat that could have been agreement. For a moment, the two of you walked in companionable silence, the sounds of the market buzzing around youâvendors calling out, the clip-clop of hooves, the soft rustle of autumn leaves underfoot.
âWouldnât take much to learn,â Logan said finally, his voice easy. âReckon youâd be good at it.â
You shot him a skeptical glance. âHow would you know?â
Logan gave a lazy shrug. âJust a guess.â
There was something in his tone, thoughâsomething soft and amused that made your cheeks warm. You glanced away, pretending to be very interested in a stall selling ribbons, though your attention kept drifting back to Logan.
âYou know how to ride, then?â you asked after a moment, keeping your tone casual.
He nodded. âYeah. Picked it up when I was a kid.â
You raised an eyebrow, curious despite yourself. âWhereâd you grow up?â
âHere and there,â he answered vaguely, though not unkindly. You got the sense that there was a lot more to the storyâthings he wasnât ready to share. And maybe things you werenât quite ready to ask about. Not yet, anyway.
âWould you teach me?â you asked on impulse, surprising even yourself.
Logan glanced over, one brow raised, and for a moment, you thought he might laugh. But he didnât. Instead, he gave a small nod, like it was the most natural thing in the world.
âSure,â he said simply.
A smile tugged at your lips before you could stop it.
âWhen?â you pressed, feeling strangely excited by the idea.
Logan thought for a moment, his gaze drifting toward the road ahead. âNext Sunday,â he decided. âThereâs a place just outside the city. I know a guy whoâs got a couple of good horses.â
You felt a flicker of doubtâafter all, you had responsibilities, and it wasnât as though you could just abandon the children for the day. But Logan must have noticed your hesitation because he gave you a reassuring look.
âBring the kids,â he offered. âThey can run wild while you learn.â
That made you laugh softly. âYou really think I can keep up with them and learn to ride a horse?â
Loganâs lips twitched. âIâll handle the boys if they get out of hand.â
You gave him a skeptical look. âYou donât know what youâre offering.â
âIâve handled worse,â Logan said with a grin that made your stomach do an odd little flip.
You opened your mouth to respond, but just then, a vendor called out, advertising fresh apples, and you were drawn toward the stall. Logan followed at a leisurely pace, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his coat.
You picked a couple of apples, inspecting them before adding them to your basket. As you handed a coin to the vendor, you glanced at Logan again.
âNext Sunday, then?â you asked, as if you still needed confirmation.
Logan gave a small nod. âNext Sunday.â
Something about the way he said itâcalm and certainâmade you believe it would actually happen. And for the first time in a long while, you found yourself looking forward to something.
---
The boys were already running rampant in the large field, their shouts of laughter echoing across the open space. You could see Edwin trying to race Phillip again, their legs kicking up dirt as they charged back and forth. Ada, ever the quiet one, sat nearby on a stack of hay, her doll in her lap, watching them with a little smile on her face.
You stood near the horses, feeling a flutter of nervous energy in your stomach. Logan was beside you, calm as always, holding the reins of a chestnut mare with an ease that made it all look far simpler than you knew it was. He glanced over at you, his dark eyes catching yours, and you could see the trace of a smirk tugging at his lips.
âYou sure about this?â Logan asked, nodding toward the horse.
You swallowed, staring up at the mare. âSure. How hard can it be?â
Logan gave a quiet laugh, clearly not convinced. âWeâll see.â
He held the reins steady, motioning for you to come closer. You did, taking a deep breath as you placed your hand on the saddle. The horse shifted slightly, and you jumped back a little, making Logan chuckle again.
âSheâs not gonna bite,â he said, his voice low and amused.
âI know that,â you muttered, embarrassed but trying not to show it. âI just wasnât ready.â
Logan gave a small shrug, stepping around to stand beside you. âCâmon. Foot in the stirrup. Iâll help you up.â
You hesitated for only a second before nodding. Grabbing hold of the saddle, you placed your foot in the stirrup just like heâd told you, and then you felt Loganâs hand on your waist, firm and steady. With one swift movement, he lifted you up onto the horse, and suddenly you were sitting much higher than youâd expected.
You gripped the reins tightly, your heart racing a little.
âThere,â Logan said, standing back with his arms crossed. He looked up at you, giving a small nod of approval. âNot bad.â
You glanced down at him, a bit breathless. âIâm on the horse, but that doesnât mean I can ride it.â
Logan smirked. âOne step at a time, darlinâ.â
He moved around to grab the reins, keeping his voice low and calm as he spoke to the mare, guiding her gently in a slow circle around the field. You held on, trying to keep yourself steady in the saddle. It wasnât as hard as you thought it would be, but every time the horse took a step, you felt your stomach flip a little.
Logan kept walking beside you, close enough that you could hear him, though his voice was quiet. âYouâre doinâ fine.â
âI feel ridiculous,â you muttered, glancing over at the boys to make sure they werenât watching. Of course, they were, but they seemed more interested in their own games than in you wobbling around on a horse.
âYou look fine,â Logan said, and there was something in his tone that made you glance at him sharply.
His eyes flickered up toward yours for just a moment, and you felt that familiar warmth in your cheeks again. You looked away quickly, trying to focus on staying upright.
âYouâre just sayinâ that,â you said, trying to sound casual.
Logan chuckled. âNo. If you looked ridiculous, Iâd tell you.â
The confidence in his voice made you smile despite yourself. You loosened your grip on the reins just a little, letting yourself relax. The horse moved steadily beneath you, her pace slow and even, and after a few moments, you realized it wasnât so bad after all.
âYou ready to try it on your own?â Logan asked, his voice easy.
You blinked. âYou think Iâm ready?â
âYeah.â He handed the reins over to you, stepping back a little. âJust keep her steady. Sheâs not gonna take off on you.â
You nodded, taking a deep breath and gripping the reins tightly as you urged the horse forward. She responded, moving into a gentle walk, and you felt a little thrill of pride. Logan walked beside you for a few more steps, watching, but then he stopped, folding his arms across his chest as he watched you guide the horse around the field on your own.
âYouâre a natural,â he called out, a grin tugging at his lips.
You laughed softly, feeling a bit more confident now. âI wouldnât go that far.â
As you circled back around toward him, you slowed the horse, bringing her to a stop in front of Logan. He looked up at you, his eyes warm and approving.
âTold ya,â he said. âNot so hard, is it?â
You shook your head, smiling. âNot as hard as I thought.â
Logan reached up, taking the reins from your hands. âCâmon. Letâs get you down.â
This part felt a little trickier, but Logan was there, steadying you as you swung your leg over the saddle and slid down. His hands were firm on your waist again, and for just a moment, you were standing close enough to catch the scent of leather and something elseâsomething distinctly Logan.
âThanks,â you said softly, looking up at him.
Loganâs eyes held yours for a long moment, something unreadable flickering in his gaze. Then he gave a small nod, stepping back.
âAnytime,â he said, his voice low.
Before you could say anything else, the boys came running over, breathless and wild from their playing. Edwin looked up at the horse, his eyes wide with excitement.
âCan I ride next?â he asked, practically bouncing on his toes.
You glanced at Logan, raising an eyebrow. âYou said youâd handle them if they got out of hand, remember?â
Logan sighed, giving you a wry smile. âYeah, I remember.â
He looked at Edwin, then nodded toward the horse. âAlright, kid. Letâs see what youâve got.â
As Logan helped Edwin onto the horse, you stepped back, watching with a small smile. The sun was starting to dip lower in the sky, casting a golden glow over the field, and for a moment, everything felt peaceful. You glanced at Ada, who was still sitting on the haystack, her doll in her arms, watching the scene with quiet interest.
Maybe it wasnât such a bad idea to let yourself enjoy moments like this.
As Logan guided Edwin around the field, you found yourself watching him more than the horse. There was something about the way he movedâstrong, sure, like he belonged here, like he was more comfortable in this quiet, open space than anywhere else.
And as he turned, catching your eye for just a moment, you couldnât help but wonder if maybe, just maybe, heâd found something here worth staying for.
---
âYou ever think about gettinâ outta the city?â Logan asked, his voice low. âFindinâ somewhere quieter?â
You glanced at him, a little surprised by the question. âIâve thought about it. But⌠Iâve got responsibilities.â
Logan nodded slowly, his eyes distant as he stared out at the horizon. âYeah. Responsibilities.â
The way he said it made you wonder if he was thinking about somethingâor someoneâfar away. Youâd learned quickly that Logan wasnât one to talk much about his past, and though you were curious, you didnât push.
You turned a jar of honey over in your hand, Mr. Thomas had asked you to buy them another jar while you were out. âIf I didnât have responsibilities, Iâd like to live out in a cabin, away from everything else. Sometimes things here are noisy. Iâd just like to⌠I donât know, exist without worryinâ about anything.â
Logan, standing beside you, his hands shoved in his pockets, gave a small grunt of agreement. "Sounds nice."
You glanced at him, curious. "You ever think about it? Leaving the city behind, finding a quiet spot somewhere?"
Logan paused for a moment, his gaze distant. "Yeah. Sometimes."
The simplicity of his answer hung in the air between you, and for a second, you wondered if he'd actually let himself think about settling down. It seemed unlikely, given how much he kept moving, but there was something in the way he said it, something almost wistful.
"You don't seem like the kind of guy who stays in one place for too long," you teased, shifting the basket in your hand as you handed the vendor a coin for the honey.
Logan shrugged, a small smirk playing at his lips. "Guess not."
You both fell into a comfortable silence as you continued walking through the market. The streets bustled with people, but somehow, with Logan by your side, it all felt a little less overwhelming. You didn't have to fill the quiet with pointless chatter. He wasnât like the others in the cityâconstantly rushing, looking for something to gain. He just⌠existed, like you wanted to.
As you passed by a small stall selling flowers, you slowed down, your eyes catching on a bouquet of wildflowers that reminded you of something you'd see out in the countryside. Logan noticed, his eyes following your gaze.
"You like those?" he asked, nodding toward the flowers.
You smiled softly. "Yeah. They remind me of⌠I donât know, freedom, I guess."
Logan gave a small chuckle. "Freedom, huh?"
You shrugged, suddenly feeling a little silly. "I know it sounds strange. Itâs just⌠being stuck in the city all the time, I donât get to see much of the world outside these streets."
He didnât laugh or brush it off like most people would have. Instead, Logan looked at you for a moment, his expression serious.
"Maybe one day," he said quietly, "youâll get that cabin. Find some peace."
There was something about the way he said it that made your heart skip a beat, but before you could respond, a commotion erupted a few stalls down. Edwin and Phillip came barreling toward you, laughing and out of breath, their hands full of something they clearly werenât supposed to have.
"Y/N!" Edwin shouted, holding up a small sack of apples. "Look what we got!"
You raised an eyebrow, crossing your arms. "And how exactly did you 'get' those?"
Phillip, ever the quieter one, shifted nervously on his feet. "We didnât steal them! Mr. Turner gave them to us after we helped him with his cart."
You glanced over to where Mr. Turner, a kind old man who often sold apples at the market, was smiling and waving in your direction.
"Alright," you said, sighing with relief. "But youâd better not be causing any trouble."
Logan chuckled under his breath, watching the boys with amusement. "Theyâre just having fun."
"Yeah, until someone gets hurt," you muttered, though you couldnât help but smile at their excitement.
Edwin, noticing Logan for the first time, grinned. "Hey, Logan! You ever been in a real fight?"
Logan smirked, glancing at you before turning back to the boys. "A couple."
Edwinâs eyes lit up. "Tell us about one!"
"Edwin," you warned, shaking your head. "Logan doesnât have time to tell you all his stories."
But Logan didnât seem to mind. He crouched down to the boysâ level, his expression serious as he spoke in that low, gravelly voice of his.
"Alright, but just one. There was this guy⌠big, tough-looking fella, thought he could take me down. We were out in the middle of nowhere, no one around for miles. He comes at me with this huge stick, thinking thatâll be enough."
Edwin and Phillip leaned in, wide-eyed, hanging on every word.
"So, what happened?" Edwin asked, barely able to contain himself.
Loganâs smirk deepened. "Letâs just say, he learned real quick not to mess with me."
The boys erupted into laughter, completely captivated by the idea of Logan taking down some big, burly guy.
You rolled your eyes, but couldnât help the smile creeping onto your face. "Youâre gonna give them ideas, you know."
Logan stood, shrugging casually. "Kids need a little excitement."
"Not too much," you muttered, though you were grateful for the way he interacted with them. Most men in the city didnât have the patience for children, especially not boys as wild as Edwin and Phillip.
As the boys ran off again, Logan glanced over at you, his expression softening just a bit.
"They look up to you," he said quietly.
You looked down, shrugging. "Theyâre good kids. Just need someone to look after them."
Logan was quiet for a moment, watching the boys as they disappeared into the crowd. Then, almost as if the thought had just occurred to him, he turned back to you.
"You ever think about having your own?" he asked, his tone surprisingly gentle.
The question caught you off guard, and for a moment, you didnât know how to respond. You hadnât really thought about itânot seriously, anyway. Your life was too full of other peopleâs children, other peopleâs problems.
"I donât know," you said slowly, glancing up at him. "Maybe someday. If I ever get that cabin, I might think about it."
Logan nodded, but didnât say anything more. He just walked beside you, the two of you falling back into that easy, comfortable silence.
It wasnât until later, as you lay in bed that night, that you found yourself thinking about his question again. The idea of a quiet life, away from the noise and chaos of the city, didnât seem so impossible anymoreânot when you imagined Logan there with you.
---
One night, after you had put the boys to sleep and were in Adaâs room to read a story to her, she asked you a question. âWhy arenât you like mama and papa?â
You raised your head from the book you were reading to her, âwhat do you mean?â
Her lips formed a small pout, âmama has papa, but you donât have anyone.â
You blinked, caught off guard by Adaâs question. Her innocent curiosity made your heart ache, but you kept your voice steady.
âWell, sweetie,â you started, trying to find the right words, âsometimes, people are just on their own for a little while. It doesnât mean they wonât find someone. Maybe they just havenât yet.â
Ada considered this, her small brow furrowed in thought. âBut youâre so nice. Why doesnât anyone love you?â
The simplicity of the question stung more than it should have. You chuckled softly, tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear. âItâs not that simple, Ada. But thank you for saying that.â
She didnât seem satisfied with your answer, her tiny face still scrunched up in confusion. âDonât you get lonely?â
You hesitated, glancing out the window at the darkening sky. The truth was, sometimes you did. Even though you were surrounded by peopleâtaking care of the children, managing the houseâyou couldnât deny that feeling creeping in every now and then.
âI have you, donât I?â you finally said, smiling down at her. âAnd Edwin and Phillip. You three keep me pretty busy.â
Ada giggled softly at that, settling into her blankets. âI guess. But I think you should find someone, like mama did.â
You gave her a light kiss on the forehead, smoothing down her hair. âMaybe one day, kiddo.â
Ada yawned, her eyes drooping as sleep crept up on her. âGoodnight, Y/N.â
âGoodnight, Ada,â you whispered, watching her drift off. You stayed there for a moment longer, thinking about her words, before quietly slipping out of the room.
The house was silent as you made your way down the hall, but your mind was anything but. Her innocent question stirred something inside of you, a longing that you hadnât let yourself fully acknowledge. It wasnât like you to dwell on what you didnât have, but maybe⌠maybe Ada was right. Maybe there was something missing.
But it wasnât something you could focus on right now. You had responsibilities. This family depended on you, and that was enough for now. At least, thatâs what you kept telling yourself.
As you reached your room and closed the door behind you, you caught sight of the bouquet of wildflowers Logan had quietly bought earlier in the day. You hadnât noticed him purchase them at the market, but when you returned to the house, they were there on the doorstep, a small note attached that simply read, Thought youâd like these.
You smiled to yourself, gently picking up the flowers and placing them in a vase by the window. You hadnât thought much about having someone of your own, but as you looked at the flowers, you couldnât help but wonder what it might be like.
And, for the first time in a long while, the idea didnât seem so far away.
---
The next few days passed quietly, with Logan visiting you at the market more frequently, though neither of you mentioned the wildflowers. There was an unspoken understanding between youâneither of you rushed things, but the connection was undeniably growing.
One afternoon, as you sat outside with Ada on your lap, reading her a story, Logan appeared at the gate. The children spotted him first, of course, and Edwin ran over, grinning ear to ear.
âLogan! Youâre back!â he shouted, tugging at Loganâs coat. âDid you bring us any stories?â
Logan gave a soft grunt, glancing over at you with a smirk. âI might have one or two left.â
You shook your head, amused. âTheyâll never leave you alone if you keep telling them stories, you know.â
Logan crouched down, ruffling Edwinâs hair. âI donât mind,â he said, his gaze softening as he glanced at Ada in your lap. âHowâre you doinâ, kid?â
Ada looked up from the book and smiled shyly, giving him a small wave. âHi, Logan.â
He smiled, the sight of the children always easing something in him, though he didnât let it show too much.
As the kids ran off to play, Logan took a seat beside you on the bench. The two of you sat in silence for a while, watching the children chase each other across the yard.
âTheyâre good kids,â Logan said finally, breaking the quiet.
âThey are,â you agreed. âTheyâve got a lot of love to give, and not always enough people around to give it to.â
Logan turned his head slightly, his eyes studying you. âThat include you?â
You looked down, fidgeting with your skirt. âMaybe. I spend so much time looking after everyone else, sometimes I forget thereâs more to life than just⌠this.â
Logan didnât say anything at first, just watched you quietly. Then, his voice low, he asked, âYou ever think about finding something more?â
You turned to him, surprised by the question. âI donât know if Iâve let myself think that far ahead,â you admitted, your heart beating a little faster under his gaze.
Logan looked away, his jaw tightening slightly as if he was holding something back. âMaybe you should.â
The weight of his words lingered in the air between you, and for the first time, you felt a pullâa possibility of something beyond the life youâd built here. Something you hadnât allowed yourself to dream about until now.
But before either of you could say more, the childrenâs laughter echoed through the yard, and the moment passed. Still, the feeling stayed with you long after Logan left that evening.
---
The sky had taken on that soft orange hue of evening, the kind that made the whole world feel suspended between day and night. You and Logan walked side by side along the Hudson River, the sound of water gently lapping against the shore mixing with the distant hum of the city. It had become your routine over the past few weeks, these evening walksâquiet, almost intimate, even though neither of you said much.
Today, though, something felt different. Logan had been quieter than usual, his hands shoved deep into his pockets, his usual gruff demeanor softened by the fading sunlight. Every now and then, youâd catch him glancing at you from the corner of his eye, as if there was something he wanted to say but couldnât find the words.
âYou alright?â you asked, your voice cutting through the comfortable silence.
Logan nodded, though his expression didnât quite match the motion. âYeah, just⌠thinkinâ.â
âAbout?â
He stopped walking, turning to face the river. You followed his gaze, watching the way the sunâs reflection danced on the surface of the water. After a long moment, he spoke.
âIâve never really⌠had this before,â he said, his voice low, almost hesitant. âYâknow, just⌠beinâ with someone like this. Feels kinda strange.â
You smiled softly, stepping closer to him, close enough that your arm brushed against his. âStrange in a good way?â
Logan let out a short, almost nervous chuckle. âYeah. In a good way.â
The two of you stood there, side by side, watching the sun dip lower in the sky. You could feel the warmth of his presence, his arm just barely touching yours, and it sent a small thrill through you. You hadnât been sure at first if what you felt for Logan was mutualâhe was quiet, reserved, hard to readâbut moments like this, when the world seemed to narrow down to just the two of you, made it clear. There was something unspoken between you, something neither of you had dared to put into words.
After a while, you turned to face him, studying the way his brow was furrowed, like he was deep in thought.
âLogan,â you said softly.
He looked at you then, really looked at you, his hazel eyes meeting yours with a kind of intensity that made your heart skip a beat. For a moment, neither of you moved, the air thick with something unsaid.
Before you could second-guess yourself, you reached out and took his hand, your fingers slipping into his. Logan stiffened at the touch, his eyes flicking down to where your hands were joined, but he didnât pull away. If anything, he stepped closer, his fingers curling around yours, holding on a little tighter.
âI donât think Iâve ever felt this way before either,â you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper.
Loganâs gaze softened, his usual guarded expression cracking just enough to let something more vulnerable show through. He hesitated, like he was trying to find the right words, but then decided words werenât necessary.
Instead, he took a small step forward, his free hand coming up to gently cup the side of your face. His touch was warm, rough, but there was a surprising tenderness in the way his thumb brushed lightly against your cheek. You held your breath, your heart pounding in your chest as he leaned in, his eyes flicking between yours as if asking for permission.
When you didnât pull away, he closed the distance.
The kiss was soft, almost tentative at first, like he was testing the waters. But the second your lips met his, something inside you seemed to melt, and you leaned into him, deepening the kiss. Logan responded in kind, his grip on your hand tightening as he pulled you closer, the space between you disappearing entirely.
For a moment, it was just the two of youâthe sound of the river fading away, the world narrowing down to the warmth of Loganâs lips against yours, the feel of his hand cradling your face like you were something precious.
When you finally pulled back, both of you were breathing a little heavier, your foreheads resting against each other as you stood there, wrapped in the soft glow of the setting sun.
Loganâs eyes fluttered open, and he gave you a small, almost sheepish smile. âDidnât think Iâd be kissinâ you tonight.â
You laughed softly, still a little breathless. âNeither did I.â
He pulled you closer, resting his chin on top of your head as he held you against him. The two of you stood there in the fading light, wrapped up in each other, the world beyond the river momentarily forgotten.
---
Logan thought back to your conversation about living in a cabin more than he cared to admit. The thought of it seemed nice, peaceful, and dare he say it perfect.
After a few weeks of being together, Logan had made a decision and scrounged up any money he could before buying a modest ring from a jeweler. He wasnât going to propose yet but carrying the ring in his pocket felt right.
He had been coming over to the Thomasesâ sprawling estate more often, whether it was walking with you from the market to the large house or even just stopping by of his own will. At first, it had been an occasional thingâa quiet visit here, a quick walk thereâbut lately, Logan found himself looking for excuses just to be around. You didnât seem to mind. In fact, the way your eyes lit up when you saw him made him feel something unfamiliar, something good.
One late afternoon, Logan leaned against the garden gate, watching as you knelt by a row of flowers, tending to them with your usual care. He couldnât help but admire the sightâyour sleeves rolled up, hair slightly tousled from the breeze, a small smile on your lips as you worked. It made something in his chest tighten. He fingered the ring in his pocket, feeling its weight. He had no plan to use it anytime soon, but carrying it felt right, like a promise to himself.
You glanced up, catching his eye, and smiled, wiping your hands on your apron as you stood. "Back again, Logan?"
"Guess so," he replied, a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. "Thought you might need a hand."
"Well, I could always use one," you teased, stepping closer to him. "But you donât strike me as the gardening type."
Logan chuckled, reaching out to take your hand, pulling you a little closer. "Not much of a gardener, no. But I can stand here and look good while you do all the work."
You rolled your eyes playfully but didnât let go of his hand. The easy banter between you had become natural, and the affection between you had grown, unspoken but undeniable. After a moment, you tugged him toward a bench under a nearby tree.
âSit with me for a minute,â you said softly. âIâve been out here all day.â
He followed, sitting beside you as the evening breeze rustled the leaves above. The two of you sat in comfortable silence for a while, watching the shadows lengthen as the sun began to set. Logan glanced at you from the corner of his eye, the warm light catching the curve of your face.
âYou ever think this is enough?â he asked suddenly, his voice quiet but clear.
You looked over at him, eyebrows raised. âWhat do you mean?â
Logan hesitated, his fingers still laced with yours. âJust⌠this. Beinâ together. Doesnât need to be more complicated than that.â
You smiled softly, leaning your head against his shoulder. âI think it is enough,â you said after a moment. âI like this, Logan. I like us.â
His heart beat a little faster at your words, and without thinking, he leaned down and pressed a kiss to the top of your head. It wasnât a big gesture, but it felt natural, like something heâd been wanting to do for a while. You tilted your head up, meeting his eyes, your lips curving into a gentle smile.
âYou keep that up, and Iâm never gonna let you go,â you teased, though there was something softer, almost serious, in your tone.
Logan smirked, pulling you closer until your legs brushed against his. âDonât see a reason to.â
Your fingers traced absent patterns on the back of his hand, your touch light and thoughtful. âYou know, I used to wonder if Iâd ever feel this way about someone,â you admitted softly, your eyes focused on your hands. âIf Iâd ever meet someone who made me feel⌠like this.â
Logan was quiet for a moment, watching you, feeling the warmth of your words settle deep inside him. Heâd never thought heâd find someone who made him feel like this eitherâlike he didnât have to keep moving, like maybe heâd found something worth staying for. He wanted to tell you that, to say what he was feeling, but the words stuck in his throat. So instead, he squeezed your hand, hoping youâd understand what he couldnât say yet.
You looked up at him, your eyes meeting his. The connection between you, the pull, was undeniable. Logan leaned in, his hand slipping to the back of your neck as he pressed his lips to yours. The kiss was slow, tender, like both of you were taking your time, savoring the moment. When you pulled back, your forehead rested against his, and for a second, the world outside the garden didnât exist.
âI could stay like this forever,â you whispered, your breath warm against his lips.
Loganâs hand tightened on yours. âMaybe we will,â he murmured back, the words slipping out before he could stop them.
You smiled, your eyes soft as you leaned in and kissed him again, slow and sweet. When you pulled back this time, you didnât say anything, just settled into his side, your head resting against his chest as the two of you watched the sky shift into shades of pink and orange.
The world outside may have been complicated, full of responsibilities and noise, but here, with Logan beside you, it felt simple. Peaceful. Like this was all that mattered.
---
One late afternoon, you were sitting on the porch with Ada and the boys, telling them stories while they played at your feet. Logan leaned against the fence, watching you from a distance, his heart swelling at the sight of you surrounded by the children, laughing and carefree.
âYou look like youâre thinkinâ about somethinâ serious,â your voice cut through his thoughts, pulling him back to the present. You stood up, walking over to him, a teasing smile on your face.
Logan shrugged, trying to play it off. âJust thinkinâ about how you handle those kids like itâs nothinâ.â
You laughed, rolling your eyes. âTrust me, itâs something. Theyâre a handful.â
Logan smiled, reaching out to take your hand. âYouâre good at it. I like watchinâ you with them.â
Your cheeks flushed slightly at his compliment, and you glanced down, trying to hide the small smile playing at your lips. âWell, youâre not so bad with them yourself. Edwin wonât stop talking about that story you told him.â
Logan chuckled, shaking his head. âKidâs got a wild imagination.â
You leaned in closer, your fingers playing with the hem of his sleeve. âMaybe he gets that from you.â
He smirked, slipping his arm around your waist and pulling you into him. âThink so?â
âI know so,â you whispered, your breath brushing against his neck.
For a moment, the world around you seemed to fade away, and it was just the two of you, standing in the soft glow of the afternoon sun. Loganâs hand slid up to cup your cheek, his thumb brushing lightly against your skin before he leaned down and kissed you, slow and deliberate, like he was memorizing the feel of your lips against his.
When he pulled back, your eyes were half-closed, your expression soft and content. âLogan,â you whispered, your voice barely audible. âWhat are we doing?â
He looked at you, his thumb still tracing soft circles on your cheek. âDoinâ what feels right.â
You smiled, resting your forehead against his. âYeah. It does feel right.â
The sound of the childrenâs laughter broke the quiet moment between you, and you both turned to see Ada running toward you, her little legs carrying her as fast as they could. âY/N! Y/N!â she shouted, her face flushed with excitement. âCome play with us!â
You laughed, pulling away from Logan just enough to crouch down and catch Ada in your arms. âAlright, alright! Iâm coming.â
As you stood, you glanced back at Logan, your eyes lingering on him for a moment longer. He gave you a small nod, his lips quirking into a smile, and you turned back to the children, running off with them into the yard.
Logan watched you for a while longer, his hand slipping into his pocket where the small ring rested. It wasnât time yet, but someday, maybe heâd ask. Someday, when the moment was right.
For now, this was enough.
And for the first time in his life, that was all Logan wanted.
---
âMrs. Thomas is sick. She wanted me to pick up some things for her before the doctor comes to check her out,â you explained, adding a sprig of thyme to your basket and handing the vendor a coin.
Logan stood beside you, hands stuffed in his pockets, watching you with a casual ease that had become second nature to him. âWhatâs wrong with her?â he asked, though his tone wasnât heavyâjust curious.
You shrugged, brushing a strand of hair from your face. âProbably just a cold. Sheâs been coughing a bit, but Mr. Thomas thinks sheâll be fine.â
Loganâs jaw ticked slightly, his eyes following the movement of your hand as it tucked the hair behind your ear. âYou sure you should be around her if sheâs sick?â
You smiled at his concern, nudging him lightly with your elbow. âItâs part of the job, Logan. Besides, Iâve been with her every day. If I was going to get sick, it wouldâve happened by now.â
He frowned, not entirely convinced, but let it drop. You were stubborn like thatâalways brushing things off when they concerned you.
As you moved from stall to stall, picking out fresh herbs, bread, and tea, Logan trailed beside you, a silent presence at your side. It was comfortableânatural, even. You could feel him close, his arm brushing yours now and then, and though neither of you said much, it was the kind of quiet that felt good.
When you handed the grocer a coin for a small loaf of bread, Loganâs voice broke the easy silence. âYou want me to walk you back?â
You glanced up at him, a small smile tugging at your lips. âTrying to sneak more time with me?â
Logan grinned, his hands still tucked in his coat pockets. âMaybe.â
Your laugh was soft and warm, and Logan swore it was one of his favorite sounds.
âYou donât have to, but I wonât say no if you want to,â you teased, shifting the basket on your hip. âThe Thomases live all the way across town, though.â
Logan rolled his shoulders in a lazy shrug. âDonât mind.â
With that settled, the two of you set off toward the Thomasesâ estate, falling into step beside each other. The streets bustled with the usual afternoon crowdsâvendors hawking their goods, carts rattling down cobbled roads, children darting through the streets. Yet somehow, it felt like the two of you existed in your own little world, insulated from the noise of the city.
âYou been working much?â you asked after a moment, glancing sideways at him.
Logan nodded. âYeah. Couple of odd jobs here and there.â
âSame ones?â
âMostly.â He paused, as if debating whether to say more. Then, with a smirk, he added, âNot much call for a guy like me whoâs no good with flowers.â
You laughed, the sound light and easy. âWell, Iâm sure someone will take pity on you eventually.â
He bumped his shoulder against yours gently. âYou already did.â
You rolled your eyes, but the smile stayed on your face. âLucky you.â
The walk was long, but neither of you minded. You pointed out things along the wayâshops you liked, shortcuts youâd found, little bits of the city youâd come to know well in your time working for the Thomases. Logan listened, his attention fixed on you, and though he didnât say much, you could tell he was soaking up every word.
When the two of you reached the tall iron gates of the Thomases' estate, you hesitated, lingering just a bit longer with Logan at the edge of the garden.
âThanks for walking me,â you said softly, your fingers brushing over his for the briefest second.
âAnytime,â he murmured, catching your hand before you could pull it away. He gave it a squeeze, his eyes lingering on yours. âYou alright?â
You nodded. âIâm fine, Logan. Just worried about Mrs. Thomas, I guess.â
He studied you for a beat longer, his thumb absentmindedly brushing the back of your hand. âYouâll let me know if you need anything, yeah?â
You gave him a small smile, squeezing his hand in return. âYeah. I will.â
Neither of you moved at first, as if caught in a moment you werenât quite ready to let go of. Loganâs gaze flickered to your lips, and for a second, you thought he might kiss youâright there at the gate, with the late afternoon sun warming your skin and the scent of lavender drifting from the garden.
But instead, he leaned in and pressed a slow kiss to your temple, his lips lingering just long enough to leave you breathless.
âSee you soon,â he murmured against your skin.
You swallowed, your heart thudding in your chest. âSee you soon,â you whispered back.
Logan stepped away, his hands reluctantly slipping from yours, and you watched as he made his way back down the path. He didnât look back, but somehow, you knew that he felt the same pull you didâthe one that always seemed to draw you closer, no matter how far apart you were.
With a soft sigh, you turned and pushed open the gate, your basket swinging gently at your side as you made your way toward the house. The sun was beginning to dip lower in the sky, casting long shadows across the neatly trimmed lawn.
You didnât know it yet, but the weight of that momentâof Loganâs hand in yours, of the way his kiss had felt against your skinâwould stay with you. It would become one of those memories youâd carry in the quiet hours, long after everything had changed.
But for now, it was just another afternoon. And that was enough.
You slipped inside the Thomasesâ estate, greeted by the familiar smell of baked bread and lavender from the garden. The childrenâs laughter echoed faintly from upstairs, a small smile tugging at your lips despite the unease you felt about Mrs. Thomas.
As you moved through the grand hallway, the weight of Loganâs lingering kiss on your temple stayed with you, soft and comforting. His presence, though absent now, always seemed to cling to the air around you like the warmth of a hearth after a long day.
âY/N!â Edwinâs voice called from the top of the stairs. You looked up to find him peering down at you, his unruly curls falling into his eyes. âCan we go to the park after tea? Phillip says he can run faster than me, but I bet Iâll beat him this time.â
You smiled up at him, though your thoughts were still on Mrs. Thomas. âWeâll see about that, Edwin. But letâs check in on your mother first, alright?â
He nodded, though his face fell a little, understanding the importance of that moment.
Making your way to Mrs. Thomasâs room, you found the air heavier, a staleness clinging to it that made you pause at the door. You knocked softly before entering, the creak of the door barely disturbing the quiet. Mrs. Thomas lay in bed, propped up by pillows, her face pale and drawn. Her once vibrant eyes were duller now, and the small cough you had heard earlier seemed more persistent, rattling in her chest.
âMrs. Thomas,â you said gently, approaching her bedside with the basket of fresh supplies. âIâve brought some thyme and tea. The doctor will be here later this week.â
Mrs. Thomas offered a faint smile, though it barely touched her lips. âThank you, dear. Youâre always so thoughtful,â she said, her voice raspy. She shifted slightly, wincing at the effort it took. âIâm sure itâs just a little cold.â
You forced a smile, though something inside you tugged with worry. âOf course. Just a little cold.â
After a few more moments, you excused yourself, promising to return later. The house felt stifling, the sense of something being wrong making your chest tighten. Logan had been right to be concerned. But you brushed it aside, focusing on the children.
A few hours later, after Edwin had indeed beaten Phillip in a race through the park, and Ada had insisted on collecting wildflowers for her mother, the three children were settled with tea. You were cleaning up the kitchen when a familiar knock came at the back door.
Opening it, you found Logan leaning against the frame, that easy smile already softening the tension in your shoulders.
âThought you might like some company,â he said, stepping inside and pulling you into a gentle embrace. The warmth of his arms around you instantly melted away the weight of the afternoon, and for a moment, you simply leaned into him, breathing him in.
âGood timing,â you murmured into his chest. âThe kids are winding down for the night. Edwinâs convinced heâs going to be the fastest man in the world.â
Logan chuckled, his chest vibrating against your cheek. âIs that so? Guess Iâll have to challenge him one day.â
You smiled, pulling back slightly to look up at him. âHeâd love that.â
There was a beat of quiet as Loganâs hand came up to brush a stray hair from your face, his thumb lingering just under your jaw. His gaze softened, searching yours for something. It was moments like thisâsmall, tenderâthat reminded you just how much youâd come to care for him in these past few weeks.
âYou alright?â he asked, voice low.
You hesitated, then nodded. âJust⌠worried about Mrs. Thomas. I donât know, Logan, she seems worse than sheâs letting on.â
Loganâs brow furrowed, his hands slipping down to rest on your waist. âSheâs tough, right? Sheâll pull through.â
You nodded again, though the doubt lingered. âI hope so.â
Logan leaned down, pressing his forehead to yours, the weight of his presence anchoring you. âYouâll let me know if you need anything?â
âI will,â you whispered, your hands resting on his chest.
He pulled back just enough to catch your lips in a slow, gentle kiss. It was familiar, the way his mouth moved against yoursâsteady, comforting, with that undercurrent of longing that always seemed to simmer just beneath the surface between you two. When you finally parted, his thumb brushed your cheek, his gaze still locked on yours.
âI hate leaving you here,â he murmured, the frustration clear in his voice. âEspecially with her sick.â
You smiled softly, shaking your head. âIâll be fine, Logan. Go home, get some rest.â
He gave a small grunt, clearly not thrilled with the idea of leaving, but he knew better than to argue when you got like thisâdetermined and stubborn.
With a sigh, he leaned in once more, pressing a final kiss to your forehead before stepping back. âAlright. But Iâm checking in tomorrow, whether you like it or not.â
âI wouldnât expect anything less,â you teased, though the warmth in your chest grew at his protectiveness.
Logan gave you one last smile before turning to head back out into the night, his coat swaying as he disappeared into the shadows. You watched him go, the familiar tug in your chest pulling at you again, but this time it wasnât just affection. It was worryâa gnawing sense of unease that had been creeping in since that afternoon in the market.
You stood there at the back door for a moment longer, staring into the empty street, wondering if Logan could feel it tooâthe quiet, unspoken fear that something was about to change.
---
The next few days passed quietly, the routine of the Thomasesâ household carrying on as usualâthough the coughs from Mrs. Thomasâs room seemed to grow more frequent, more strained. You tried not to think too much of it, telling yourself it was only a cold, that the doctor would sort it out when he came to visit. But there was a part of you, small but insistent, that couldnât shake the unease gnawing at your thoughts.
The children kept you busy, of course. Edwin was endlessly energetic, challenging Phillip to races and daring Ada to climb the low trees in the garden, much to your chagrin. Ada, sweet and delicate, clung to your side like a shadow, her small hand often finding yours as she babbled on about her imaginary tea parties and grand adventures. In their presence, it was easy to forget the worry in the back of your mindâat least for a little while.
But then, in the quiet momentsâlike when you helped Mrs. Thomas to her bed after one of her coughing fits, or when the house seemed far too still after the children had fallen asleepâyour thoughts would drift back to Logan. To the way he had kissed your forehead that day at the back door, how his hand had lingered in yours just a second longer than usual, as if heâd sensed it too. That something was wrong.
You found yourself waiting for him. Every evening, as the sun dipped low over the city and the shadows lengthened in the streets, you listened for that familiar knock at the back door. And every evening, without fail, he would comeânever too late, never too early, always arriving when you needed him most.
Tonight was no different.
You were sitting at the small table in the kitchen, a pot of tea cooling beside you, when the soft knock came. A smile tugged at your lips before you could stop it, your heart lifting in that familiar way as you crossed the room and opened the door.
Logan stood there, his dark hair slightly tousled from the evening breeze, his expression soft but watchful. He gave you that crooked smile that always seemed to make everything feel lighter, as if the world wasnât such a heavy place when he was around.
âThought I might find you here,â he said, stepping inside and closing the door behind him.
You shrugged, the smile still playing on your lips. âWhere else would I be?â
He chuckled, moving to lean against the counter, his eyes flicking briefly to the teapot on the table. âYou drinking alone?â
âFor now,â you teased, pouring him a cup. âBut I suppose I can share.â
Logan took the cup from you, his fingers brushing yours in that familiar way, sending a small, warm spark through your skin. He didnât move to sit, though. Instead, he stayed close, his gaze lingering on you for a moment longer than usual, as if trying to read something in your face.
âWhat?â you asked softly, the weight of his stare making your heart flutter.
âJust checking in,â he said, his voice lower, more serious than before. âYou look tired.â
You gave a small, weary laugh, shaking your head. âIâm fine, Logan. Just a lot on my mind.â
âMrs. Thomas?â he guessed, sipping his tea.
You nodded, glancing at the floor. âSheâs getting worse. Iâm trying not to worry, but⌠I donât know, something doesnât feel right.â
Loganâs brow furrowed, and he set his cup down, moving to stand beside you. His hand came up to rest on your shoulder, his thumb brushing lightly against the fabric of your sleeve. âIf you need me to do anythingâget more medicine, fetch the doctor soonerâyou just say the word.â
You met his gaze, your chest tightening at the concern etched into his face. He always made you feel safe, even when you didnât want to admit how scared you were. You reached up, covering his hand with yours, squeezing it gently.
âI know,â you murmured. âThank you.â
For a moment, the room was quiet again, the sounds of the city muted by the walls of the house. You could hear the faint crackle of the fire in the hearth, the distant hum of life outside, but here, in this small space, it felt like it was just the two of you. Just the two of you, and the warmth of his hand on your shoulder.
Logan shifted slightly, turning to face you more fully, his other hand coming to rest at your waist. He tugged you closer, his expression softening as he leaned in, his lips brushing your forehead in that tender way that always made your heart skip. But this time, he didnât stop there. He tilted your chin up gently, his gaze flicking briefly to your lips before meeting your eyes again.
âCâmere,â he whispered, and you didnât need any more coaxing.
Your arms slid up around his neck, pulling him in as his lips met yours in a slow, deliberate kiss. It was soft at first, tender, but there was a quiet intensity behind it, a sense of urgency you hadnât felt before. Maybe it was the weight of the unspoken worry hanging between you, or maybe it was just that every time you kissed him, it felt like it could be the last. Either way, you melted into him, savoring the warmth of his mouth against yours, the way his hands tightened around your waist as if he didnât want to let you go.
When you finally pulled back, your breath mingling with his, Logan rested his forehead against yours, his eyes closed as he let out a long, slow sigh.
âStay with me tonight,â you whispered, your voice barely audible. You hadnât meant to say it, but the words tumbled out before you could stop them. The thought of being alone with your worries, of facing the uncertainty of Mrs. Thomasâs illness by yourself, suddenly felt unbearable.
Loganâs eyes opened, his gaze soft but searching as he studied your face. âYou sure?â
You nodded, your hands still resting at the nape of his neck. âI just⌠I donât want to be alone.â
He didnât hesitate after that. With a soft, reassuring smile, he nodded and pressed another kiss to your temple. âAlright. Iâm here.â
---
The doctor had come by some days later bringing by news, Mrs. Thomas had tuberculosis. He gave her at least another month to live.
Mr. Thomas had instructed you to not let the kids near her as often, to make sure they donât get sick. He didnât seem to care much about Logan spending the night with you, or letting the kids be around him.
Logan had been spending more nights with you, by your request. It wasnât something you talked about, just a quiet understanding between the two of you. The nights felt warmer with him beside you, the weight of the world a little lighter when you could lean against him. He never made a big deal out of it either. It was just...natural.
Tonight was no different. You sat by the fire in the small parlor, the children long since asleep upstairs. The flicker of the flames cast shadows across the room, and you caught yourself glancing toward the door, waiting for that familiar knock.
When it came, it was soft, almost hesitant. But you smiled, already rising to your feet to let him in. Logan stepped inside, brushing off the chill of the night as he shook the snow from his coat.
âSnowâs picking up out there,â he muttered, shrugging off the heavy coat and hanging it by the door. âThought Iâd get here before it got too bad.â
You nodded, wrapping your arms around yourself as you watched him. âIâm glad you did.â
He crossed the room, and without another word, his arms wrapped around you. You melted into his chest, resting your head against him as the fire crackled in the hearth. He pressed a kiss to the top of your head, his hand running down your back.
âYou alright?â he asked quietly, his voice low. âYouâve been quiet lately.â
You sighed, pulling back just enough to look up at him. âIâm fine. Just tired. Itâs⌠everything with Mrs. Thomas, the kids⌠Iâm trying to keep it together.â
Logan frowned, his hands tightening slightly on your waist. âYou donât have to do it all yourself. You know that, right?â
âI know,â you said softly. âBut I feel like I have to.â
âYou donât,â he repeated, his eyes searching yours. âIâm here.â
That simple statement hit you harder than you expected. You leaned up, pressing your lips to his in a soft, lingering kiss. He responded instantly, his hand coming up to cup your cheek, deepening the kiss as if he needed it as much as you did. It was slow and tender, and you found yourself pulling him closer, trying to forget the weight of everything else, if only for a moment.
When you finally pulled back, Logan rested his forehead against yours, his breath warm against your lips.
âYou should sleep,â he whispered. âYouâre exhausted.â
âWill you stay?â you asked, your voice small.
âAlways,â he said without hesitation.
---
The nights blurred together. Logan was there more often than not, sometimes waiting for you when you finished putting the children to bed, other times arriving late after a day spent working. You hadnât asked where he went during the day, and he hadnât volunteered the information. It didnât matter. When he was with you, everything else seemed to fade into the background.
The children, especially Ada, had continued asking why she couldnât see her mother as often. It had broke your heart to tell her and the boys that their mom was sick, not going any further than that.
âTheyâll understand one day,â Logan had said, trying to comfort you as you sat by the fire one evening. His arm was around your shoulders, his fingers brushing lightly against your arm.
You nodded, but the heaviness in your chest wouldnât lift.
âI just want to help,â you murmured. âBut I canât.â
Logan was silent for a moment before he spoke again, his voice low. âYouâre doing more than you think, Y/N. Just being here for the kids, for her... it matters.â
You looked up at him, your eyes searching his. There was something in the way he looked at you, something deeper than the usual concern. It was a look that made your heart skip, that made you realize just how much he had become a part of your life in such a short time.
He leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead before brushing his lips against yours in a slow, gentle kiss. You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer, needing that connection, needing him.
When you finally pulled back, you rested your head against his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. Loganâs hand slid up to cradle the back of your head, his touch soothing.
âIâm here,â he whispered again, as if the words alone could make everything right.
And for a moment, they did.
---
You could tell that after a month and a half, Mrs. Thomas didnât have much time left. Maybe a week at the most. She was so young, barely 30 years old, and already having to face the inevitable. Her coughing had become more violent, her body thinner with each passing day, and the sparkle in her eyes was gone. She was fading right before your eyes.
It had been a long day. The kids were more restless than usual, likely sensing the shift in the household. Youâd spent most of the afternoon calming Edwin and Ada while trying to keep Phillip out of trouble. Ada, in particular, had been clingy, holding onto your skirt as you moved about the house, asking you why her mother wasnât coming out of her room anymore.
You gave her the same answer as always. âYour mamaâs just resting, sweetheart.â
But even she seemed to sense something was off.
By the time the sun had started to set, you felt the exhaustion in your bones. You barely touched your dinner, pushing food around your plate before giving up entirely. It wasnât just the physical tiredness, though. It was something deeper. A strange ache in your chest, one you couldnât quite explain. Maybe it was the weight of everythingâMrs. Thomasâs worsening condition, the children, Logan...
You hadnât seen him tonight, and that small part of you that had grown used to his presence felt the void acutely. He had a way of grounding you, of making everything seem less overwhelming, if only for a little while. You didnât want to admit it, but you were beginning to rely on him more and more.
As you climbed the stairs to check on the children, your steps felt heavier than usual. Fatigue, you told yourself. Just fatigue.
When you entered Mrs. Thomasâs room to help her settle for the night, she gave you a weak smile. âThank you, Y/N... for everything.â
You smiled back, brushing her hair away from her face as you helped her lie down. âDonât mention it. You just rest.â
Her breathing was shallow, the sound rattling in her chest. You tried not to let it show on your face, but inside, that gnawing worry had grown into a full-fledged fear. You knew the end was coming soon. You just hoped the children wouldnât have to watch her fade.
---
Later that night, after the house had fallen quiet and the children were asleep, you sat by the small fire in the kitchen. You stared at the flickering flames, trying to let the warmth chase away the chill in your bones, but it wasnât working.
You werenât surprised when you heard the soft knock at the back door. Loganâs timing had always been impeccable, showing up when you needed him most, even if you hadnât called for him. You rose from your seat and opened the door, letting him in with a small, tired smile.
âCold out there,â he muttered, brushing the snow from his shoulders before stepping inside. He took one look at your face, and his brows furrowed. âYou look exhausted, Y/N.â
You waved him off, shutting the door behind him. âItâs been a long day. Mrs. Thomas is...â
He didnât need you to finish. Heâd been coming by enough to know how bad things had gotten.
Logan crossed the small space between you and placed a hand on your arm. âYou should be resting too. Whenâs the last time you got a full nightâs sleep?â
You let out a tired laugh, shaking your head. âWhat is that again?â
âY/N,â he said, his tone a mix of teasing and concern. âYou canât keep running yourself ragged. Youâre no good to the kids if you get sick.â
His words hit a little too close to home. That lingering ache in your chest hadnât gone away, and now, with him standing so close, it seemed to press harder, making it difficult to breathe. You ignored it, trying to focus on his warm hand still resting on your arm, grounding you.
âIâll be fine,â you said quietly, leaning against him just slightly. âI just... I need you here. Thatâs all.â
Loganâs expression softened, and he slipped his arms around you, pulling you close. You rested your head against his chest, closing your eyes as his warmth enveloped you. It felt like everything else faded away when you were in his armsâlike the weight of the world wasnât quite so heavy.
âIâm here,â he murmured into your hair, his voice low. âIâm not going anywhere.â
You stayed like that for a moment, just holding onto him, letting his presence soothe the anxiety that had been gnawing at you all day. His hands ran up and down your back in slow, soothing motions, and you found yourself relaxing, your shoulders sagging as the tension melted away.
But that ache in your chest didnât fade. If anything, it seemed to settle deeper, a dull, persistent throb that you couldnât quite shake.
âI donât know how much longer she has,â you whispered, your voice barely audible. âMaybe a week. And the kids... I donât know how to explain it to them.â
Logan sighed, his breath warm against your hair. âYouâll find the right words when the time comes. You always do.â
You werenât sure about that, but you didnât argue. Instead, you pulled back just enough to look up at him, your hands still resting against his chest. His eyes met yours, and for a moment, you could see the same worry you felt reflected in his gaze. But there was something else tooâsomething softer, something that made your heart skip a beat.
Before you could say anything, Logan leaned down, pressing his lips to yours in a slow, tender kiss. It wasnât rushed or urgentâjust gentle, like he was trying to tell you without words that he was there, that you didnât have to carry everything alone.
You kissed him back, your fingers curling into his shirt as you pulled him closer. For a few seconds, it was just the two of you, the world outside forgotten. But when you finally pulled back, the ache in your chest flared again, sharper this time, making you wince slightly.
Loganâs eyes narrowed, concern flashing across his face. âYou alright?â
âYeah,â you said quickly, brushing it off. âJust... tired, I guess.â
He didnât look convinced, but he didnât push it either. Instead, he kissed your forehead softly, his hands still holding you close. âYou need to sleep. Iâll stay with you, okay?â
You nodded, letting him lead you to your small bedroom. As you lay down, Logan settled beside you, his arm draped around your waist as he pulled you close. You nestled against him, the warmth of his body soothing, but even as you drifted off to sleep, that strange ache lingered, a quiet reminder that something wasnât right.
---
Over the next few days, you tried to ignore the fatigue that seemed to cling to you like a heavy blanket. You told yourself it was just the stress, the worry about Mrs. Thomas and the kids. But the truth was, deep down, you knew it was more than that.
Mr. Thomas had been around the house more often, spending almost every moment with his wife before she passed. It would only be a matter of days now. Her condition had deteriorated to the point where she was barely conscious most of the time, her labored breathing a constant reminder of the inevitable.
You moved quietly through the house, keeping the children occupied as best you could. Edwin and Phillip were rambunctious as always, but Ada had grown more subdued. She didnât ask about her mother as often, as if sensing the unspoken truth everyone was trying to shield her from. You noticed how she clung to your side even more than usual, her small hands gripping your skirts, her wide eyes watching you with a kind of quiet understanding that broke your heart.
It was late afternoon, and the house was eerily quiet. The children were playing in the parlor, their laughter muffled behind the closed doors. You had just finished cleaning up the kitchen when a wave of exhaustion hit you. Your legs felt heavy, your chest tight. You hadnât been sleeping well, the stress of Mrs. Thomasâs condition weighing on you, but this was different. Your appetite had been lacking for days, though youâd convinced yourself it was just nerves.
You leaned against the counter, taking a slow, deep breath to steady yourself. It would pass. You just needed rest.
Logan wasnât due to visit tonight. He had mentioned something about work keeping him late, and you didnât want to ask him to come by, though the ache in your chestâthe one you tried to ignoreâlonged for his presence.
Shaking off the lingering fatigue, you made your way upstairs to check on Mrs. Thomas. As you reached the top of the stairs, you heard her soft, raspy breathing. You hesitated outside the door, your hand resting on the doorknob for a moment, before slowly opening it and stepping inside.
Mr. Thomas sat at his wifeâs bedside, holding her hand gently. He glanced up at you, his face pale and drawn, the exhaustion of weeks of worry evident in his eyes. You gave him a small, comforting smile, though you werenât sure how much comfort you could offer.
"Thank you, Y/N," he said quietly, his voice hoarse from lack of sleep and emotion. "For everything."
You nodded, moving to the other side of the bed to check on Mrs. Thomas. Her eyes were closed, her breathing shallow and uneven. She didnât stir when you adjusted the blankets around her. The room was stifling, the air heavy with the scent of sickness, and you fought the urge to cough, your throat suddenly dry.
âSheâs peaceful,â you murmured softly, glancing at Mr. Thomas.
He nodded but didnât say anything. His gaze was fixed on his wife, his hand never leaving hers.
You stayed for a moment longer, but the fatigue creeping up your spine forced you to excuse yourself. As you descended the stairs, your legs felt weaker than before, and a dull ache had settled in your chest. You rubbed absently at your throat, trying to shake off the discomfort. It was nothing, you told yourself. Just tired.
The evening stretched on, the children finally quieting down for bed. You tucked them in, lingering for a moment by Adaâs bedside. She reached for your hand, her tiny fingers curling around yours.
âWill Mama be better soon?â she asked, her voice barely a whisper.
You swallowed the lump in your throat, brushing a lock of hair from her forehead. âSheâs resting, sweetheart,â you said softly. âJust keep being brave, alright?â
Ada nodded, her eyes already heavy with sleep, though the worry didnât leave her small face.
Once they were all asleep, you returned downstairs, your body feeling heavier with each step. The fire in the hearth had burned low, casting long shadows across the room. You sat by the fireplace, staring into the dying flames, and let the silence of the house settle over you.
And then there was a soft knock at the back door.
Your heart lifted despite the exhaustion weighing you down. You rose slowly and crossed the room, opening the door to find Logan standing there, snowflakes dusting his hair and coat. He gave you a crooked smile, his eyes scanning your face with concern.
âYou look tired,â he said softly, stepping inside and closing the door behind him. âReally tired.â
âIâm fine,â you murmured, though the weariness in your voice betrayed you. âI wasnât expecting you tonight.â
âI finished earlier than I thought,â he said, shrugging off his coat and hanging it by the door. âThought Iâd check on you.â
Without another word, he closed the distance between you, his arms wrapping around you in a gentle embrace. You melted into him, resting your head against his chest as the warmth of his body seeped into yours. For a moment, the ache in your chest seemed to ease, the fatigue lifting just a little.
âThank you,â you whispered, your voice barely audible.
Logan pulled back slightly, his hand coming up to cup your cheek as he studied your face. âYou donât have to thank me,â he said softly, his thumb brushing against your skin. âIâm here.â
His lips met yours in a slow, tender kiss, and you felt the tension in your body begin to unravel. The warmth of his mouth, the familiar strength of his hands holding you closeâit was all you needed in that moment. When the kiss ended, he rested his forehead against yours, his breath mingling with yours.
âYou need to rest,â he murmured. âYou look like youâre about to fall over.â
âI will,â you promised, though you didnât want to leave his arms just yet. You leaned into him, letting his presence chase away the exhaustion for a little longer.
---
The funeral was only 6 days later, 4 days after Mrs. Thomasâ passing. She was buried at the Prospect Cemetery at a small affair with rich people you had only heard of in passing.
The funeral was a somber affair. Mrs. Thomas was laid to rest under a sky that threatened snow, and you stood a little ways back, holding Adaâs hand tightly. She had been unusually quiet since her motherâs passing, and even Edwin and Phillip had sensed the weight of the occasion, their usual energy tempered by the somber mood.
You glanced around at the crowd gatheredâa sea of dark, expensive fabrics, murmured condolences, and familiar faces. Most of the people you recognized only by name or through brief encounters at the Thomas house. They didnât seem to belong to the world you inhabited, their whispered conversations and distant gazes a reminder of the divide between their lives and yours.
Mr. Thomas stood near the front, his face a mask of stoicism as he accepted words of sympathy. His children had not left your side, and you knew why. They found more comfort in you than in the strangers who seemed to only appear during tragedies. You didnât blame them.
As the ceremony came to a close, Ada tugged at your hand. "Can we go home now?" she asked quietly, her voice barely audible over the sound of rustling leaves and shifting boots in the cold.
You nodded, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze. âWe can, sweetheart. Just a few more minutes.â
You caught Mr. Thomasâs eye as he stepped away from the others. He gave you a weary nod, and you knew it was time to leave. You guided the children back to the carriage, helping them inside before following. The ride home was silent, save for the occasional sniffle from Ada and the creaking of the carriage wheels on the cobbled streets.
---
Back at the house, the quiet felt heavier than before. You could feel the weight of grief settling over everything, and it seemed to seep into your bones, making the fatigue that had been gnawing at you for days feel unbearable. Once the children were settled, you retreated to the kitchen, needing a moment to yourself.
But the moment you sat down, the ache in your chest flared up again, sharper this time. You tried to breathe through it, but the tightness only seemed to get worse. A cold sweat broke out on your forehead, and you pressed a hand to your throat, willing it to pass. It felt like something more than just exhaustion now. Something was wrong, but you didnât have time to worry about it.
The back door creaked open, and you startled, your hand flying to your chest as Logan stepped in. His eyes immediately found yours, narrowing in concern.
âY/N,â he said, his voice low but urgent as he crossed the room. âWhatâs wrong?â
âNothing,â you muttered, forcing a weak smile as you tried to stand. âIâm just tired. Long day.â
But Logan wasnât buying it. His hand caught yours, and he gently pulled you to him, his other hand resting on your waist. âYouâve been tired for days,â he said quietly, his eyes searching yours. âAnd you look worse now than you did a week ago.â
âIâm fine,â you insisted, leaning into his warmth without thinking. âJust... everything with Mrs. Thomas. I havenât been sleeping well, thatâs all.â
Logan didnât say anything for a moment, just held you there, his thumb brushing slow circles against your hip. âYouâre not fine,â he said softly. âYou need to rest. Youâre running yourself into the ground, and I donât wantââ
âI donât want to talk about it,â you cut him off, shaking your head as you buried your face in his chest. âI just... I just want to stay like this for a while. Can we do that?â
Loganâs arms tightened around you, and he pressed a kiss to the top of your head. âWe can stay like this as long as you need,â he whispered.
The warmth of his embrace, the steady rise and fall of his chest, calmed the rapid beating of your heart. It didnât make the ache in your chest go away, but it dulled the edges for a little while. You stayed like that, your bodies swaying slightly, as if rocking back and forth would somehow soothe the turmoil inside you both.
After a long stretch of silence, Logan pulled back just enough to meet your eyes. His fingers brushed a loose strand of hair from your face, his gaze soft but serious. âYouâve gotta start taking care of yourself,â he murmured. âI mean it, Y/N.â
âI will,â you promised, though you werenât sure how much of it was for him and how much was for yourself. You could see the worry etched in his features, and it made your heart ache in a different way. âI just... I donât want to leave the kids right now. They need me.â
Logan sighed, shaking his head slightly. âThey need you alive and healthy, not running yourself ragged.â
You knew he was right, but the thought of stepping awayâof not being there for them when they needed you mostâmade your stomach turn.
âI know,â you whispered, your voice barely audible. âBut Iâm all they have right now.â
Loganâs expression softened, and he leaned in to kiss you gently, his lips lingering against yours in a way that felt both comforting and urgent, as if he was trying to convey everything he couldnât put into words.
When he pulled back, he rested his forehead against yours, his breath warm against your skin. âYouâre not alone in this, Y/N,â he murmured. âIâm here. Always.â
You closed your eyes, letting the weight of his words settle over you. It was moments like this, in the quiet after the storm, that made everything feel bearable, even when the exhaustion seemed impossible to shake. You didnât want to think about what came nextâthe inevitable questions from the children, the grief that would continue to hang over the house like a dark cloud.
For now, you just wanted to be here, with Logan, in this fleeting moment of peace.
---
Over the next few days, that small cough persisted, annoying but easy to brush off at first. You told yourself it was just the cold weather, or maybe the exhaustion still clinging to you. But it stuck around, and soon it wasnât just a cough. Your chest felt heavier, and there were moments where you had to stop to catch your breath.
You didnât say anything to Logan the first few nights he visited, not wanting to worry him. It wasnât like you were coughing up blood or anything, and you figured it would pass, just like the fatigue had started to. But when he saw you rubbing your chest again, his eyes narrowed with concern.
âYouâve been coughing a lot,â Logan said one evening, his arm draped casually over your shoulder as you leaned into him by the fire. The warmth of the flames helped ease the tightness in your chest, but even then, it felt harder to breathe than it had before.
âIâm fine,â you mumbled, tucking your legs under you and snuggling closer to him, hoping to avoid the conversation. âItâs just the cold. Everyoneâs getting sick this time of year.â
Logan tilted his head, clearly unconvinced. âY/N, donât pull that. I know you, and youâre coughing more than you should be. This isnât just a cold.â
You sighed, not wanting to argue, but the exhaustion weighed on you, and fighting him off seemed too tiring. âOkay, maybe itâs not just a cold,â you admitted, glancing at him. âBut itâs nothing serious. Iâm just run down.â
Loganâs fingers gently traced up your arm, his touch familiar and grounding. He looked at you with that steady gaze of his, the one that made you feel safe. âYou need to rest. Real rest, not just five minutes of sleep here and there between looking after the kids.â
You gave him a half-hearted smile, reaching up to touch his face. âI know. But they need me right now, especially Ada. Sheâs not taking this well, and I canât just leave her.â
Logan leaned in and pressed his forehead to yours, his breath warm against your skin. âYouâre no good to them if you collapse from exhaustion.â
The way he said itâso serious, so protectiveâit made your chest ache in a different way. You knew he was right, but the thought of taking a step back when the kids were still hurting felt impossible.
âIâm not going anywhere,â you whispered, but your voice wavered just enough that Logan picked up on it.
He kissed you softly, slow and gentle, like he was trying to pour all of his concern into that one kiss. When he pulled back, his hand lingered on the side of your face. âYou donât have to carry this by yourself, Y/N,â he said softly. âIâm here.â
You looked at him, feeling the weight of his words, and for a moment, you let yourself believe itâthat you didnât have to do everything on your own.
But the next morning, as you moved through the house and got the kids ready for the day, the cough came back with a vengeance. It left you winded, gripping the counter to steady yourself as your breath caught in your throat. Ada was tugging at your skirt, asking for something, but the ringing in your ears made it hard to focus.
âY/N?â her small voice called, but everything sounded distant.
You forced yourself to smile, pushing through the wave of dizziness. âIâm okay, sweetheart,â you said, though it was more for you than her. The ache in your chest was sharper now, and for the first time, a flicker of real fear crossed your mind.
That evening, when Logan came by, you didnât have the energy to hide how bad you felt. The second he walked through the door, he saw it in your face.
âY/N,â he said, his voice urgent as he rushed to your side. âWhat the hell happened? You look worse.â
You tried to brush it off, but the cough came again, harsher this time, and Loganâs eyes darkened with worry. His hands were on you, steadying you as you leaned into him, the warmth of his body grounding you again.
âYouâre not fine,â he said, his tone more serious now. âI shouldâve done something sooner.â
âLogan, donâtââ
âIâm taking you to a doctor,â he interrupted, his jaw set. âNo arguing.â
You wanted to protest, but the truth was, you didnât have the strength to fight him. You were too tired, too worn down, and part of you was scared. So you nodded, letting him pull you into his arms as if holding you close would make everything better.
âIâm here,â Logan whispered against your hair, his voice soft and filled with a tenderness that made your heart ache. âIâll take care of you, okay? Youâre not going through this alone.â
---
The next morning, Logan arrived earlier than usual. He wasnât taking any chances, especially after the night before. Youâd barely slept, your coughing keeping you awake for most of it, and when you did manage to drift off, it was only in short, restless intervals.
Logan helped you into the carriage heâd hired, his hands lingering on your arms longer than necessary, his brow furrowed with worry. He hadnât said much since arriving, just a quiet âMorninââ before ushering you outside. His concern was written all over his face, even though he tried to hide it behind a mask of calm.
You leaned back against the seat, closing your eyes as the carriage bumped along the cobbled streets. Each breath felt heavier, the tightness in your chest worsening by the day. You didnât want to admit it, but you knew this was more than just a cold. The cough had settled deep, rattling in your lungs, and even though you tried to convince yourself it was nothing serious, the thought that it could be something more was gnawing at you.
Logan sat beside you, his knee pressed against yours as he kept a protective hand on your leg. Every so often, youâd feel his gaze on you, watching, as if checking to make sure you were still holding on. The warmth of his presence was a comfort, even if you didnât say it out loud.
When the carriage finally stopped, you opened your eyes and saw the modest sign hanging above the doctor's office. Logan didnât waste any time helping you down, his arm tight around your waist as you made your way inside.
The waiting room was quiet, the air thick with the scent of medicinal herbs. Logan barely let go of you the entire time, his arm never leaving your waist, and when the doctor finally called you in, Logan made it clear he wasnât going anywhere.
Inside the small exam room, the doctorâa middle-aged man with silver hair and a kind faceâgreeted you both with a nod. His expression shifted when he looked at you, though, his eyes softening in a way that made your stomach churn with nerves.
âHow long have you had the cough, miss?â the doctor asked as you sat down, Logan standing right behind you.
âA few days,â you said, your voice raspy and weak. âMaybe a little longer.â
The doctor frowned slightly, moving closer to examine you. âAnd the fatigue? Any weight loss?â
You nodded. âYes... Iâve been really tired, and I havenât had much of an appetite.â
Loganâs hand rested on your shoulder, a silent reassurance that he was there. The doctor continued his examination, listening to your chest with a stethoscope, his brow furrowing as he moved from side to side.
After what felt like an eternity, the doctor stepped back, letting out a slow breath. He met your eyes, and you knew immediately that it wasnât good.
âI donât want to alarm you,â he began, his voice gentle. âBut given your symptoms and the sound of your lungs, I believe you may have contracted tuberculosis.â
The words hung in the air like a heavy weight. You felt Logan tense behind you, his grip on your shoulder tightening ever so slightly.
Tuberculosis.
The sickness that had taken Mrs. Thomas. The same one that had been lingering in the house for weeks.
Your heart pounded in your chest, and for a moment, you couldnât breathe. Youâd heard the storiesâthe way it ravaged families, the way it spread so easily. Youâd seen it firsthand with Mrs. Thomas, watching her waste away before your eyes.
âHow... how bad is it?â Loganâs voice was rough, strained, like he was barely holding himself together.
The doctor glanced at him, his expression serious. âItâs hard to say right now. Tuberculosis can vary greatly in severity. Weâll need to monitor her closely. Rest, proper care, and keeping her away from others as much as possible will be essential.â
You tried to swallow, but your throat felt tight. âWhat... what do we do now?â
The doctor sighed. âWeâll start with treatment to help ease the symptomsâmedicinal herbs, rest, and a strict diet. Itâs crucial that you avoid any further exertion. Youâll need to isolate yourself to prevent it from spreading.â
You nodded, but your mind was spinning. The thought of being confined, of having to stay away from the childrenâit made your chest tighten even more. How were you supposed to care for them when you couldnât even take care of yourself?
Logan crouched down in front of you, his eyes searching yours as he held your hands in his. âWeâll figure this out, okay?â he said softly. âYouâll rest, and Iâll help with the kids. Youâre not doing this alone.â
Tears pricked the corners of your eyes, but you blinked them away. You didnât want to cry, didnât want Logan to see how scared you really were.
âI donât want to leave them,â you whispered, your voice shaking. âThey need me.â
âI know,â Logan murmured, his thumb rubbing soothing circles against your hand. âBut they need you healthy, Y/N. And I need you healthy.â
You looked at him, your heart aching at the sight of his worry. He was trying so hard to be strong for you, to keep it together, but you could see the fear in his eyesâthe same fear you felt deep in your bones.
âWeâll get through this,â he said firmly. âYouâre not going anywhere, okay? Not without a fight.â
You nodded, squeezing his hands as tightly as you could. Logan stayed close, his presence a steady, comforting force as the weight of the diagnosis settled over you both.
---
Weeks passed, and the house became quieter. The children were kept at a distance, the once lively home now feeling more like a tomb as you spent your days in bed, trying to gather what little strength you had left. Logan had taken over your duties, ensuring the children were cared for while also staying close to you.
Your body grew weaker with each passing day, the illness creeping deeper into your lungs. The once mild cough had turned into something far more painful, leaving you breathless and exhausted after every fit. You knew, deep down, that the end was approaching. You could feel it in the way your energy dwindled, the way even opening your eyes took effort.
Logan, on the other hand, refused to give up. He never spoke of what was coming, never let on that he saw the same inevitable truth. Instead, he clung to hope, pushing you to eat, to drink, to rest. His presence was a constant, grounding you even in your weakest moments.
Sometimes you even talked about the future, the one you knew you would never have, and the one Logan hoped you would, with him.
Your coughing fit had died down for now, leaving you in bed with your head resting against Loganâs shoulder. His arm was wrapped protectively around you, and the warmth of his body gave you a sense of comfort, even when the pain in your chest didnât. You took in a shaky breath and spoke softly.
âIâve always wanted a dog,â you murmured, your voice still weak. âMaybe two.â
Logan shifted slightly, his chin resting on top of your head. âYeah? What kind?â
You shrugged, smiling a little. âDoesnât really matter. I just like the idea of having something waiting for me at home, you know? Something happy to see me, no matter what kind of day Iâve had.â
He chuckled quietly, the sound vibrating through his chest. âYouâd be a good dog mom.â
You looked up at him, a playful glint in your tired eyes. âYou think?â
âDefinitely. Youâve already got all the practice with the kids.â He paused, his thumb gently brushing the back of your hand. âExcept maybe the dog would be less trouble.â
You laughed, but it turned into a cough, and you quickly brought a hand to your mouth. Logan tensed beside you, waiting until the coughing subsided before speaking again.
âYouâre gonna get better, Y/N,â he said softly, his voice firm, but the edge of worry was clear. âWeâll get you that dog. Or two.â
You didnât respond right away. You wanted to believe himâreally, you didâbut each day you felt weaker, and it was getting harder to ignore the reality of your situation. But you also didnât want to drag him down with your fears, so you leaned into him instead, letting the moment linger.
You put your chin on his shoulder, looking up at him, âhow many kids would you want?â
Logan looked at you, a soft smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. âKids, huh?â His voice was warm, teasing, but there was something tender in the way he looked at you, like he was imagining it for real.
âYeah,â you said, resting your chin on his shoulder, eyes searching his face. âI know itâs kind of silly to think about right now, but... I like the idea. You?â
He took a breath, his fingers tracing absent patterns on your arm. âI donât know,â he admitted. âNever really thought much about it until you.â
You raised an eyebrow. âUntil me?â
Logan chuckled softly. âYeah. Before you, I wasnât really thinkinâ about things like... a future, you know? I didnât even know if Iâd stay in the city long. But now... now I think about things I never used to.â He paused, glancing down at your hand, his fingers interlacing with yours. âLike kids, and... us.â
Your heart fluttered at that, the weight of his words settling in. Heâd never said anything like that beforeânothing about the future beyond today or tomorrow. It wasnât like either of you knew what was coming, especially now, but hearing him say that he thought about you in that way made everything feel more real. More possible.
You grinned, nudging him playfully. âSo, how many then? Two? Three?â
Logan laughed quietly. âTwo sounds good. Just enough to keep us on our toes, but not so many we lose our minds.â
You giggled, a sound that quickly turned into a cough, and Loganâs smile faded a little, worry creeping back into his eyes. But he didnât say anything. Instead, he just held you closer, his arms wrapping around you like he could shield you from everything bad in the world.
Once the cough subsided, you leaned your head back against his chest. âI think youâd be a good dad, Logan.â
His hand stilled against your arm. âYou think?â
âYeah,â you said softly. âYouâre good with the kids now, even if you donât realize it. They like you, trust you. Youâd protect them... care for them.â
Logan was quiet for a moment, and you could feel the weight of his thoughts. âIâd try,â he said finally, his voice barely above a whisper.
The warmth of his body, the steadiness of his presenceâit was enough to make you forget, for just a little while, how weak you felt. You closed your eyes, letting yourself sink into the comfort of him, of this moment, even though you knew it wouldnât last.
âDo you ever wonder what itâd be like?â you asked quietly. âIf we didnât have to worry about... this.â You gestured vaguely, meaning the illness, the uncertainty, all of it.
âAll the time,â Logan murmured. âBut weâve still got time, Y/N. Iâm not giving up on you.â
You opened your eyes, looking up at him. âYou really think weâll make it through this?â
Loganâs gaze was unwavering. âI know we will.â
His confidence, his belief in you, in this, made your heart ache in the best way. You wanted to believe him, wanted to hold onto that hope, even though the fear lingered in the back of your mind.
âYou donât have to be so tough all the time,â Logan said gently, brushing a loose strand of hair from your face. âItâs okay to lean on me.â
You looked at him, your chest tight for a different reason now. âI know.â
And you did. Logan was always there, steady and unshakable, even when you felt like you were falling apart. You didnât have to do this alone, even if part of you still felt like you should.
Logan leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to your forehead, his lips lingering there for a moment longer than usual. âIâm with you, Y/N,â he whispered. âNo matter what.â
You closed your eyes again, savoring the warmth of his kiss, the feeling of his arms around you. For now, that was enough.
But even as you rested against him, part of you couldnât shake the nagging feeling that your time was running out.
---
Logan hated the fact that everything you said was in past tense. How you wouldâve liked to learn how to bake bread in that cabin you wanted.
How you wouldâve liked to learn how to crochet.
Logan sat on the edge of the bed, watching you with a quiet intensity. You had been talking again, your voice soft and tired, about all the things you wished you had more time to do. It was starting to drive him crazyâthe way you spoke in past tense, like you were already halfway gone.
âWouldâve liked to learn how to crochet,â he repeated softly, his eyes never leaving your face.
You smiled, but it didnât reach your eyes. âYeah. I always thought itâd be nice to make something with my hands. You know, like a blanket or something... for the cabin.â
Loganâs chest tightened. He hated thisâhated that you were talking about all these little dreams like they were out of reach. He leaned forward, brushing a strand of hair away from your face. âYouâre gonna be fine, Y/N,â he said, trying to sound more certain than he felt. âYouâll still have time for all that.â
You met his gaze, your eyes soft but filled with something elseâsomething that made his heart ache. âLogan...â
âNo,â he interrupted, shaking his head. âYou donât get to talk like that. Weâre gonna get you through this.â
You let out a soft sigh, your hand coming up to touch his cheek. âYou donât always have to be strong, you know. Itâs okay to be scared.â
âIâm not scared,â Logan said quickly, though the way he gripped your hand a little tighter gave him away. He wasnât ready to admit itâto you, to himselfâthat the thought of losing you scared him more than anything heâd ever faced.
You smiled faintly, shifting on the bed so you could lean into him. âI know you, Logan. You donât have to pretend for me.â
Logan felt his throat tighten as you pressed closer to him. He wrapped his arm around you, pulling you into his chest, trying to hold on to the moment for as long as he could. Your body felt so fragile against his, like you could break if he held you too tight. But he needed to feel you, to remind himself that you were still here.
âDonât,â Logan said, his voice thick with emotion. âDonât talk like that.â He looked away for a second, trying to regain control of the storm raging inside him. He didnât want to hear the finality in your voice, didnât want to acknowledge the possibility that you might slip away from him.
You reached out, your hand trembling slightly as you touched his cheek. âLogan, you know as well as I do...â
âNo,â he repeated, cutting you off again, his voice gruff but shaky. His hand covered yours, pressing it gently against his face. âIâm not losing you. I donât care what the doctor says. Weâll fight this. Weâll get through it.â
There was a long silence between you, the air heavy with the unspoken truth. You didnât have the heart to argue with him, but you knew. You could feel it in your bones, in the way your body was failing you little by little every day. But Loganâs refusal to accept that reality made you love him even more, even if it hurt.
You gave him a sad smile, your eyes locking with his. âI love you, Logan.â
His breath caught, and for a moment, he couldnât speak. The weight of those wordsâwords youâd both danced around but never truly saidâhit him like a punch to the gut. He leaned in close, his forehead resting against yours, his voice barely a whisper.
âI love you too, Y/N,â he finally said, his voice breaking just a little.
You closed your eyes, letting the warmth of his words wash over you. It wasnât fair, any of this. Youâd only just begun to imagine a life with him, and now that future was slipping through your fingers.
Logan held you tighter, his arms wrapped around you as if he could protect you from everything, even death. He kissed your forehead, then your cheek, before pressing a final, lingering kiss to your lips. It wasnât passionate or desperateâjust soft, filled with all the love he hadnât yet had the chance to show you.
âIâm here,â he whispered again, his lips brushing against your skin. âAlways.â
And for a moment, despite the pain, despite everything, you believed him. Because even if the future was uncertain, even if you didnât have much time left, you had this. You had him. And for now, that was enough.
---
Nothing had worked, and nothing was working.
You had already accepted your fate, but Logan couldnâtâno matter how many times you tried to explain. He kept his focus on you, his stubborn hope unwavering, even though you both knew time was running out.
âYouâre gonna be fine, Y/N. Youâll see,â he said softly, sitting beside you on the bed. He brushed a hand through your hair, his touch gentle, but the worry in his eyes was impossible to miss.
You looked up at him, your chest tightânot from the sickness, but from the overwhelming love you felt for him in that moment. âLogan... we need to talk about this.â
He shook his head immediately, his jaw clenched. âNo, we donât. We donât have to talk about anything like that. Youâre gonna get better, and weâll figure everything out.â His voice cracked just a little at the end, betraying the fear he was trying to hide.
You reached for his hand, your fingers trembling as they closed around his. âI donât want to pretend anymore. I donât want to spend what little time we have left lying to ourselves.â
Logan looked down at your intertwined hands, his thumb tracing slow circles on your skin. âBut I canât... I canât think about losing you.â
âYou donât have to think about it,â you whispered, leaning your head against his shoulder. âBut we need to be honest with each other. Iâm not getting better, Logan. We both know that.â
His whole body tensed beside you, and he turned his head away as if looking anywhere but at you would somehow make your words less real. âI canât... I canât lose you, Y/N.â
You swallowed the lump in your throat and leaned closer, pressing your lips softly to his jaw. âI love you, Logan. Thatâs all that matters to me right now.â
His breath hitched, and for a long moment, he didnât say anything. He just sat there, holding you as if he could protect you from the inevitable, his arms tightening around you.
After a while, he finally spoke, his voice barely a whisper. âI love you too. More than anything. Thatâs why Iâm not giving up.â
You pulled back slightly, looking up at him, your heart breaking for him. âI know youâre trying to protect me... but I donât want you to carry this alone. I need you to be here with me, in this moment, not fighting something we canât change.â
Loganâs eyes met yours, and for a second, the wall heâd built around himself seemed to crack. âI donât know how to do that,â he admitted. âI donât know how to just... be.â
âYou donât have to be strong all the time,â you whispered, your hand reaching up to cup his cheek. âYou can let go.â
His eyes softened, and before you could say anything else, Logan leaned in and kissed youâsoft, but with an intensity that made your heart ache. It was a kiss that said everything he couldnât put into words: the fear, the love, the desperation to hold onto whatever time you had left.
When he finally pulled away, his forehead rested against yours, his breath shaky. âI donât know how to say goodbye,â he whispered.
You closed your eyes, your hand still resting on his cheek. âWe donât have to say goodbye yet. Just stay with me. Thatâs all I want.â
Logan didnât respond with words. Instead, he held you tighter, his arms wrapping around you as if he could keep you with him through sheer willpower alone. You could feel the tremble in his hands, the way his breath hitched every now and then like he was fighting back tears.
For a while, you both stayed like that, wrapped up in each other, the world outside fading into nothingness. There was no cough, no sickness, no uncertaintyâjust the warmth of Loganâs body against yours and the steady beat of his heart beneath your hand.
Eventually, you spoke, your voice barely audible. âI wish we had more time.â
Loganâs grip tightened slightly. âMe too.â
You felt a lump in your throat, but you forced a small smile. âYou know... if things were different, I think weâd have had a pretty good life together.â
Loganâs voice was thick with emotion as he replied, âWe still will. Somehow... someday.â
You leaned your head against his chest, listening to the sound of his heartbeat. âMaybe in another life.â
Logan didnât say anything, but you could feel the way his body stiffened, like he couldnât stand the thought of losing you againâeven in another life.
âYou donât have to be alone, Logan,â you whispered, your voice soft but filled with all the love you had left. âPromise me you wonât shut yourself off.â
He was silent for a long moment, and when he finally spoke, his voice was rough and raw. âI canât promise that.â
You smiled faintly, knowing that was the best you were going to get from him. âJust... donât forget me.â
Logan leaned down and pressed another kiss to your forehead, his lips lingering there for a long time. âI could never forget you.â
The room was quiet after that, the only sound the soft rustling of the blankets as Logan adjusted you in his arms, pulling you closer.
You closed your eyes, feeling the exhaustion creeping in again, but this time it didnât feel so overwhelming. With Loganâs warmth surrounding you, with his quiet strength holding you up, you felt at peace.
---
You had passed away in your sleep that night, in Loganâs arms. He had stayed up, something in his subconscious telling him to keep his eye on you.
And he did, he felt you take your last breath; one that didnât seem as painful as when you were awake.
Logan held you close, his arms tightening around you instinctively as he realized what had just happened. His mind refused to process it, refused to accept that this was it. He stared at you, his chest rising and falling in rhythm with breaths that felt foreign in his own body. You werenât moving anymore, not even the faintest stir.
For a long time, he didnât let go. He couldnât. His arms stayed wrapped around you, his face buried in your hair, willing his warmth into your body as if that could somehow bring you back.
"Y/N..." he whispered, his voice broken. He lifted his head slightly, his thumb brushing your cold cheek. "Please... wake up."
There was no answer.
Logan swallowed hard, his throat burning, his chest tightening. His hand trembled as it caressed your face, fingers gently tucking your hair behind your ear like heâd done a hundred times before. But this time, there was no playful smile in return. No teasing comment about how messy your hair always was.
It was quiet. Too quiet.
He let out a shaky breath, his other hand clutching the bedsheet, the weight of what had happened finally starting to crush him. He knew this moment was comingâheâd known it for weeks, maybe even monthsâbut now that it was here, it didnât feel real. He couldnât understand how it had come to this, how someone as full of life as you could just... stop.
âY/N... donât do this... please,â he whispered again, his voice barely audible as if saying it any louder would make it more true. His hand lingered on your cheek, hoping for even the smallest sign that youâd take another breath.
But nothing came.
He stayed like that for a long time, just holding you, feeling the weight of your stillness.
Logan had never felt so powerless in his life. For all the things he could do, for all the strength in his bones, none of it could save you. His healing couldnât save you. The realization cut him deeper than any wound ever had.
At some point, he felt his chest tremble, felt the tears start to burn at the corners of his eyes. He hadnât cried in years, maybe everânot like thisâbut he couldnât stop it now. Not when heâd lost you.
âI... I love you,â he choked out, the words falling from his lips like a confession, like an apology for not saying it enough while you were still here to hear it. He pressed his forehead to yours, his voice breaking again. âI love you so much...â
The room was silent, except for the sound of Loganâs ragged breathing and the ticking of the old clock in the corner, each second passing with an agonizing slowness. He wished he could turn it back, go back to when you were still hereâlaughing, talking, smiling. Anything but this.
But he couldnât.
And the weight of that realization shattered him.
For the first time in his life, Logan had no fight left in him. Not for this. Not without you.
i'm not gonna lie, i definitely started crying while writing those last few scenes, even though i knew how it was gonna end
just a little note for everyone (i'll probably add this at the end of every chapter just cause it helped me when writing) in this chapter, logan is 22 years old and reader is around the same age.
tags: @seasonofthenerd @golden-ebony @planetxella @tighrenicotine @wittyjasontodd @cherrypieyourface @tumharisakhi @person-005 @zaggprincess2
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all 'bout family!
#my art#art#digital art#fanart#geminitay#wild life smp#life series smp#life smp#wild life series#wild life fanart#geminitay fanart#smallishbeans#smallishbeans fanart#joel smallishbeans#the life series#YES I KNOW THE CAR LOOKS BAD I DONT WANNA TALK ABOUT IT.#anyways i know joel has this whole fast and furious thing going on but i've never watched those movies and i have no desire to#but the stupid car getting destroyed and beat up every episode made me think of a junk yard and junk yards make me thing of backwards caps#so#that's how this design came to be.
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("Always. Continuously. With increasing apprehension, and decreasing hope. I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday. I will love you as a corpse loves the beak of the vulture. I will love you no matter what happens to you, and no matter how I discover what happens to you, and no matter what happens to me as I discover this." -- paraphrased from The Beatrice Letters, Lemony Snicket)
#svsss#bingqiu#luo binghe#shen qingqiu#lbh#sqq#i've been working through the series of unfortunate events and somehow that series has paired really nicely with svsss#the themes of cycling violence and what's justified and what isn't and what can possibly be done differently#and how trying to bring love and honour into the midst of it really changes nothing but also changes everything#it's just *chef's kiss*#i don't know how i can quite do my thoughts justice but i've spent the past few weeks quietly going between the two series (and mdzs and tg#as well if we're being honest they all hit similar questions and themes) and just reveling in the pain and ambiguity of it#everything is interconnected and it means you can never know what trauma and pain and necessity has shaped a person#each story goes too far back to ever ever EVER possibly see the full extent of it#at that level even communication itself is nearly impossible.#and because of that it's almost impossible to change anything. beat yourself apart and the outcome is the same#and yet ATTEMPTING to change things ATTEMPTING to do the kind thing the honourable thing is absolutely critical#because while you can change nothing you also have the capacity to change EVERYTHING#aaaaaaah i don't even know what i'm saying#but i read the beatrice letters today and the love letter just. killed me.#(obviously i cherrypicked some lines because it's three pages long but those ones felt right)#''i love you like a corpse loves a vulture's beak'' i just. can't get over that line.#to be completely changed. altered. destroyed. redeemed. purified. desecrated. reduced to nothing yet entirely necessary for another's life.#what a FUCKING line#anyway i was either going to blow up from thinking about it or else i had to exorcise it via art from an entirely different series#i've already done svsss and discworld why not throw a series of unfortunate events into the mix#i'll be honest folks i did not expect svsss to be the mxtx series that would fuck me up the most about the main ship#bingqiu is something else. i don't even know how to begin to approach my feelings on it. impossibility and necessity all at once#bizarre#my art
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nothing, and i mean absolutely nothing, like starting a long fic and knowing within the first 2k words that it will absolutely wreck you. therapy has nothing on this mwah
#*mine#mona rambles#I'm joking I'm joking#but i did just start these gifts that you have given me#which had been on my tbr for months and i KNEW it'd have high chances of emotionally destroying me#and man. man#i read that first part in the series and then the first chapter of the main fic and on god this is going to make me soooo much worse
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Iâm about to become insufferable again âŹ
ď¸ has just rewatched Senyuu
#Uh-oh sisters!!! :)#Shima speaks#Itâs been a while since Iâve talked Senyuu huh. Be careful new followers for I DO plan to drag you all kicking and screaming into it /j#ALBATROSS âTHE OG UNHEALTHY CODEPENDENT SHIP IN FICTION. FOR ME#I CANâT get started on this again Iâve already talked about it so many times. But ummm. Alba willing to destroy the world to rescue Ros.#Iâm fine thatâs fine. Thatâs totally fine#Super excited to reread the series and also explore the concept of Ros just being an absolute FREAK about Alba. Unhinged levels of freak.#Also Iâm soooooo behind on F5 so much has happened and I cannot WAIT to get caught up#Foyfoy and Hime get MARRIED??? APPARENTLY??? FROM WHAT I HAVE SEEN#SO much is going on that Iâm just not aware of#Senyuu#ćŚĺă#Senyu
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"you can yell at me."
#only friends#only friends series#only friends the series#only friends ep4#ofts#firstkhao#sanray#sand x ray#first kanaphan#khaotung thanawat#gmmtv#thai bl#bl drama#yas san honey go tell him đđđđ#theyre destroying me so much help
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started watching star trek and by jove yous were not kidding these men are having wild gay sex every time they so much as lock eyes
#cold war scifi is my least favourite genre of anyfin but hey im likin it so far so im going forwards cautiously optimistic#props to the stranger in a strange land episode for emotionally psychologically spiritually etc destroying me#alastop#star trek#star trek the original series#jim kirk#spock#spirk
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don't touch me. don't talk to me. don't look at me. don't perceive me. don't regard me. don't. just don't.
#pit babe#pit babe the series#i am#speechless#im going to need several minutes#if not hours when this airs#you'll find me wandering the foggy streets of this city#i will freeze and burn and collapse and be put back together#no the promo and the jacket and the hand holding wasn't enough#no now pete has to go and look at him like that#im nothing if not consistent#this has the potential to ruin me destroy me k1ll me#your local way enthusiast is going through it keep her in your prayers#i have so many thoughts and yet no ability to articulate them now#thanks waypete
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iâm sooooooo normal about the god of war series. so incredibly normal i liked it a normal amount and would be so chill talking about it. donât worry about the sign
#god of war#iâm so so so so so normal about it itâs so whatever itâs so haha you know#something something when it comes to yourself youâll let yourself drown before you change. youâll die before you change who youâve become#to survive this long#up to and until it affects the ones youâve come to love in this life youâve made for yourself and you suddenly have no choice but to change#itâs fine itâs ok itâs chill. everyone does this.#itâs becoming a parent and loving your child so much you HAVE to change. you HAVE to be better#we MUST be better. than they were.#whoâs they. our parents. the gods that come before us. yes.#iâm screaming iâm crying iâm wasting away im disintegrating. thereâs no coming back there no return#you are on your knees. you are gripping your sonâs shoulders like theyâre the only thing keeping you tethered to the earth.#you are struggling with who you are and who you want to become. you are promising to be better.#iâm so normal about parent(al figures) taking responsibility for their actions and choosing to do better#iâm not high enough to really express whatâs going on here. can you feel it? can you fucking feel it?#this series has destroyed me.#dad of boy. dad(s) of boy. i will never be the same (affectionate)#canât remember the last time i finished a series and went âoh well iâve GOT to play it again Now That I Knowâ#AND I HAVENT EVEN TALKED ABOUT THE BROTHER HULDRA!!!!!!!!!#sindriâs face. has not left my memory#iâm dying scoob#gow#gowr
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Maybe if they had had an Inception-style end to the last ep of 4 Minutes, where you didnât know for sure if Tyme & Great were still in the â4 minutes experienceâ or not, then maybe, just maybe, some part of that last episode would have made senseâŚ
#nothing made any sense#tonkla gets a tragic ending having already been fucked by the narrative#yet great whose a shitty person get a totally undeserved second chance at life?!!#4 minutes series#4 minutes the series#4 minutes#thai bl drama#thai bl#asianlgbtqdramas#tymegreat#inception spoilers I guess#oh well Iâm still excited for Spare Me Your Mercy!#if you are going to give characters the real world outcomes do it consistently#basically justice for Tonkla and Dome the poor boys whose lives were destroyed by these rich fuckers
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I'm not happy Chucky's canceled, but honestly, I can't say I'm heartbroken or surprised. The show just kind of withered away, and honestly, it had been slowly dying since season 2.
It's a shame that those were the character endings we're left with until the next movie.
I still like to think that maybe Chucky and the legacies will get another chance at long form content because the franchise is really well suited for it.
Anyway, I hope Andy gets some focus in whatever the next installment is.
(And lives without being put into a doll)
#andy barclay#chucky series spoilers#chucky#anyway it's always weird when a show you have a complicated relationship with dies#because prodigal son getting cancelled destroyed me#and this is just like#being told a four hour shift will last an extra 15 minutes#im not happy about it#but it's not going to change my day
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worst trope is found family separating as soon as the antagonist is dealt with.
#yes this is about voltron and it's also about guardians of the galaxy#what james gunn did to gamora in GOTG3 is criminal#i understand why they did it but to end with her GOING BACK TO THE RAVAGERS?#fail end.#seriously#and it doesnt even make sense bc ofc the high evolutionary isnt going to be the last problem they would deal with#in just a few years they encountered 5 people trying to destroy the universe and who were incredibly difficult foes#youre finna tell me there will never be a situation like that for the rest of their lives?#gtfo#and mantis' end was dumb too not even sorry#i can tolerate drax and nebula's ends.#but everyone else?#stupid#even peter's ending was fucking moronic. bro can pop in on the weekends he doesnt need to be a live in nurse for his grandpa#it's just such a major letdown and sucks everytime a director/author decides to split up the found family permanently#at least with voltron you can rationalize it by saying 'oh they never really wouldve hung out with eachother if they werent forced to for#voltron and werent forced to fight a war together.' and i can see it bc none of them DO hang out together before voltron#they barely even hang out AFTER they become voltron#keith and shiro hang out bc of the adoption/fostering/mentoring thing. lance and hunk MIGHT hang out bc they were already teammates#it's important to note that we never really see hunk and lance being bffs. theyre just friendly to eachother.#this becomes even more apparent once hunk and pidge actually become friends. it's very obvious hunk was just being friendly to lance.#just friendly.#(take this with a grain of salt bc ive only watched the whole series one time. i refuse to acknowledge anything after se 2.)#so yeah it does make more sense theyd all go their own ways but not even the small friend groups stay together at the end!#pidge and hunk are in completely different galaxies from eachother. same with keith and shiro#lance is isolated from all of them bc post se 3 writing team genuinely hated him and failed him as a character.#but GOTG3? they CHOSE to band together time and time again. they CHOSE to be a team. they CHOSE to be family#for every single one of them to say 'nah fuck that i want to be on my own bc uhhh reasons!' is a lame ending.#period.#gotg3
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Lmao Zeus & Hades are such bad dads that they think Percy would rob a god for his deadbeat dad who owes Sally 12 years of back pay for child supportâŚ
These literal God-Kings sat down and were like hmmm Poisedon hasnât talked to this child in years to avoid people knowing he ejaculated when he shouldâve of evacuated⌠& has a shitty abusive stepdad now⌠that child would absolutely Mission Impossible Olympus for him! Letâs kill him :)
Hey dumbasses, my own deadbeat parent can barely get me to text them back, I ainât stealing shit for them. As a member of Team Deadbeat Parent, that request wouldâve caused 12 year old me to cuss out an adult for the first time
#they literally tried to mug a child based on this assumption#the fact your thunderbolt was stealable sounds like a you issue buddy#Iâd be too embarrassed to admit to that#hades sent a MINOTAUR after him!!!#what the hell man???#youâre LUCKY no one died!!!#pretty sure even kids who wanted their parents involved in their life wouldâve told him to go fuck off#me? i didnât care#so I wouldnât probably yelled at them#you donât even send me a card and you want me to commit a felony for you?#go to hell poisedon#the entire book series I wanted Percy to serve him with child support papers#EVEN AFTER heâs claimed he STILL doesnât pay child support!!!#sally has to get the money from her murdered husband#low key was rooting for Kronos and the gods to destroy each other#deadbeat dad#mine#pjo#pjo series#hades#Zeus#posideon#percy jackson and the olympians#percy jackon and the olympians#Percy jackson
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*glances at svsss' vol 4 worth of extras, aka 'the whump and smut pile'* you haven't seen anything yet
You guys are seriously taking an axe to my self-control;;; I'm trying to make this series last longer than a single month!! I'm trying to savour things!!! I'm trying to read something else and give the series a bit of breathing room before I pick up the last book but I want the "whump and smut pile" I want that so much I feel like a dog that's getting a treat waved in front of its face .¡´¯`(ďźÂ´Đ´ď˝)´¯`¡.
#svsss already had a bunch of whump! i wasn't expecting that! it was a really really nice treat#honestly i am going to need to find fics that delve into the whole blood parasite thing cause yall holy shit#that's fucked and i'm very into it#anyway you CAN'T just tell me that the biggest book in the (already whumpy) series is the âwhump and smut pileâ without destroying me a bit#i've almost finished all mxtx books and what am i supposed to do after that?#i've read the main story for mdzs / tgcf / and now svsss#all i have left are the extras - i've intentionally not read the extras for any of the series yet because i figured i would get to a point#where i'd finished the main series and would want to have something to return to#but that's three books AT MOST because most of the extras aren't a full book#i'm so close to being done them and i don't want this ;;^;;#i'm going to have to seriously start thinking about which danmei/xianxia book to read next because i'm really enjoying this genre#i have a few options i haven't touched yet because i've been busy with mxtx's books... maybe i should do a poll and see what people think#since i don't really know much about the genre or the other books out there or what's good.... hm....#bene speaks
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places my hands on dr stone fandom's shoulders. yes sengen is peak yes ryusui and francois have something beyond words going on yes taiju and yuzuriha are living the married couple life we all want but what. what is going on with stanxeno.
#dr stone#stanxeno#GRIPS EXTREMELY TIGHT !!!!#ARE WE GOING TO TALK ABOUT THEM ???#why do they have fairytale motifs. why do they have the protector and not-so-damsel-in-distress parallels with taiju and yuzuriha#but with the 'lets go to hell together' flavours of sengen#why is it that theyre so clinically insane and yet just. such sad individuals.#what kind of life do you have to lead to be able to kill someone you care for so easily? what kind of betrayal did you taste#that you can only trust in the one person you love; that they are your world and you would willingly destroy everyone else's for theirs#which leads me into. WHAT was up with that post-petrification chin touch ???????#literally re-rereading the series just to comb through the details about them#anyway. they are my new roman empire.
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