#this series is going to be so fun to watch
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hooola!! absolutely love the baby alonso series and i’d love to see her playing with penelope maybe?? or one of lando’s nieces!!
hope u have a great day 🫶🫶
Enjoy reading and send some requests!!!
-xoxo babygirl 💕
@piastappies
Best friends forever
The bustling paddock was alive with the hum of race car engines, chatter from teams, and fans eagerly seeking autographs. Amidst the energy of the Formula 1 weekend, two tiny figures stood out—Yn and Penelope.
Yn, with her sparkling pink bike that had streamers hanging off the handlebars, was busy adjusting her helmet. Penelope, on her equally dazzling sparkling purple bike, was already riding in circles, her giggles carrying through the air.
"Come on, Yn!" Penelope called, a teasing grin on her face. "You're so slow!"
Yn puffed up her cheeks in mock frustration, tightening the strap on her helmet. "I'm not slow! I just wanna make sure my helmet is perfect! Safety first, P!"
Penelope stopped her bike and crossed her arms dramatically. "We’re in the paddock, silly. No cars are gonna hit us!"
Yn finally climbed onto her bike, wobbling for a moment before finding her balance. "Fine! But you're not gonna win the race!" she said with determination, pedaling furiously to catch up.
The two girls zipped past team garages, their bikes glittering under the sun, leaving a trail of laughter behind them. Engineers paused to watch, some waving and smiling, others snapping quick photos of the adorable sight.
"Careful, girls!" Charles called out, leaning against a garage wall with a cup of coffee.
"We’re being careful!" Penelope yelled back, her voice high-pitched and confident.
"Yeah!" Yn chimed in. "We’re super fast, like Max and Fernando!"
Charles chuckled, shaking his head. "Well, just don’t beat them in qualifying, okay?"
The girls burst into laughter, though neither truly understood what qualifying was.
---
Later, Yn and Penelope decided to ditch their bikes and explore on foot. Hand-in-hand, they skipped down the paddock, their little sneakers slapping against the ground in perfect rhythm.
"We should go see the snacks table!" Penelope suggested, her eyes sparkling.
"Snacks!" Yn cheered. "I hope they have gummy bears. And cookies!"
As they approached the Red Bull hospitality, Max was leaning on a railing, chatting with Sergio. He spotted the duo and immediately straightened up, his tough demeanor softening into a wide grin.
"Hey, what are you two up to now?" Max asked, crouching down to their level.
"Snacks!" Penelope declared with a triumphant fist in the air.
Yn nodded eagerly. "Gummy bears!"
Max laughed. "Ah, I see. Well, the snacks are this way, but no eating too much, okay? I need Penelope to cheer for me later, not fall asleep!"
"I’m gonna cheer for Yn’s dad too!" Penelope said proudly, looking at Yn.
"Me too!" Yn added, squeezing Penelope’s hand.
Max ruffled Penelope's hair, a rare, tender smile on his face. "Good girls. Now go on, and don’t cause too much trouble."
---
The next stop on their grand paddock adventure was Fernando’s garage. The two girls peeked in cautiously before scampering inside. Fernando was sitting on a stool, studying data on a screen, but the moment he saw the two tiny intruders, his face lit up.
"Ah, mis pequeñas amigas!" Fernando exclaimed, opening his arms wide.
Yn ran straight to him, throwing her arms around his leg. "Papa! We’re having the best day ever!"
Fernando chuckled, scooping Yn up onto his lap. "I can see that. And Penelope, are you taking good care of my little one?"
Penelope nodded solemnly. "Of course. We’re best friends!"
"Bestest friends!" Yn echoed, reaching out to hold Penelope’s hand again.
Fernando looked at them with soft eyes. "You know, seeing you two like this reminds me of why we do all this. It’s not just about winning—it’s about family and having fun."
"Does that mean you’ll let us ride your car next time?" Penelope asked, her face completely serious.
Fernando laughed heartily. "Not quite, pequeña, but maybe one day."
---
As the day wore on, Yn and Penelope found new ways to entertain themselves. They drew with chalk on the pavement, leaving colorful hearts and stars for everyone to see. They played hide-and-seek around the motorhomes, with Lando and George willingly pretending not to see their bright clothes sticking out from behind crates.
At one point, the two girls sat on a patch of grass, sharing a juice box they had "borrowed" from the hospitality.
"Do you think we’ll ever drive like our dads?" Yn asked, her face thoughtful.
Penelope tilted her head. "I think so. But only if the cars are purple and pink."
Yn nodded solemnly. "Definitely."
---
By the time the sun began to set, the paddock had grown quieter, but the two girls were still full of energy. They convinced Max and Fernando to sit down with them for one last activity: a tea party.
Fernando looked hilariously out of place, holding a tiny plastic teacup between his large fingers, while Max did his best to balance a tiara Penelope had insisted he wear.
"More tea, sir?" Yn asked in an exaggerated posh accent, holding out an empty teapot.
"Why, thank you, madam," Fernando replied, playing along with a dramatic bow of his head.
Max sighed, though he couldn’t hide his grin. "This tea is excellent, Penelope. Did you make it yourself?"
Penelope giggled. "It’s pretend, Papa!"
"Ah, of course," Max said, nodding seriously.
---
As the day came to an end, Yn and Penelope finally started to tire, their eyes drooping as they sat on a bench together, wrapped in a shared blanket.
Fernando and Max watched from a distance, their competitive natures completely set aside as they admired their daughters.
"They really are something, aren’t they?" Fernando said quietly.
Max nodded, a rare softness in his gaze. "Yeah. Makes you realize what really matters."
The two girls held hands even in their sleep, their innocent friendship a bright light in the often chaotic world of Formula 1.
#formula 1#formula 1 x reader#xoxo babygirl 💋#fernando alonso x alonso!reader#fernando alonso x daughter!reader#fernando alonso x reader#max verstappen x reader#lando norris x reader#george russell x reader#dad!fernando alonso#alonso!reader#little alonso
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♡ 01: baby, i'm a dog
series m.list // taglist
note: welcome to part 1 !!! this fic is def a diff vibe ,, kinda chill and jus sad LOL … tbh if i hate it i’ll jus edit it as a one shot cos #yolo #idc but also…. i fear this jk is a vibe
//
the cabin's front door slams shut behind jungkook.
his laughter spills into the cold air as he jogs to his car, tossing the keys to taehyung mid-stride.
the hoseok and nam joon had roped him into a last-minute supply run—apparently, they underestimated just how much beer and snacks a group this size could burn through in one night. the crunch of snow under his boots and the slap of wind against his face brought a sharp clarity, a brief reprieve from the weight he'd felt the entire drive up here.
he works nonstop all year… he only gets a few days of vacation. yet, this is how he spends his precious leisure days.
a part of him is still trying to figure out why he even came.
"think fast, shithead!" taehyung called, tossing the keys back.
jungkook catches them effortlessly, smirking as he spins them around his finger.
as he opens his mouth to make a comeback, the sound of tires crunching over ice makes his chest go tight. instantly, he recognizes that it’s yoongi’s girlfriend’s car—but something about the way it’s driven pulls him further into himself.
jungkook is a car guy.
he’s the car guy and knowing cars means knowing the people behind the wheel.
the way they park, the way they brake, even the rhythm of their turns.
and this car?
it parks too carefully, too smoothly.
it’s muscle memory that makes him stand straighter, his heart stumbling over itself. because he knows exactly whose hands are gripping the wheel before he even sees your face.
taking a few steps back, he watches as the suv rolls into the driveway, something heavy settling in his chest.
the sound of the car door opening snaps him out of his daze.
and it all suddenly feels like a fever dream.
with the snow falling slowly and the way his heart skips a beat—you step out and completely stop his world.
you’re bundled in a cream puffer jacket and your cheeks flushed from the cold…
and you smile at him.
like, really smile at him.
and jungkook thinks to himself;
fuck.
you’re still so pretty.
so fucking pretty.
then, his mind blanks.
he doesn’t know how to move, doesn’t even know how to breathe. all he can do is stare.
“jungkook!”
before he can even respond, you’re walking toward him, arms open.
he freezes when you hug him.
it’s not long—just enough to share a little warmth—but it’s enough to knock the air clean out of his lungs.
three years.
it’s been three years since he’s seen you, and now you’re here, wrapping him in a moment that feels too easy for all the time that’s passed.
is... is this easy for you?
because he can't breathe right now.
“i convinced her to come last minute,” yoongi’s girlfriend, mei, says. she’s practically bouncing with excitement. “the weather grounded her flight, and i told her it’d be way better to spend a few days with us than to sit around waiting.”
you pull back from jungkook and smile up at him like it’s nothing.
like he hasn’t been caught in the shockwave of your presence.
like you aren't the love of his life.
“figured it’d be fun,” you say lightly, brushing a strand of hair from your face. you glance around and squeal at the sight of your old friendgroup. “plus, i missed you guys.”
the others swarm in, laughing and throwing their arms around you, saying how long it’s been. jungkook hangs back, struggling to keep up with the reality in front of him. this wasn’t how he thought this trip was going to go.
as jin and yoongi haul your bags toward the cabin, you turn back to jungkook. your shoulder bumps against his as you tilt your head.
“is it okay that i’m here?”
he blinks at you.
“why wouldn’t it be?”
your shrug and look around. “nam joon’s your friend. this is his family cabin… i’m just your—“
“it’s fine,” he interrupts you.
silence.
then, you break it with a question and your signature soft tone.
“did i surprise you?”
jungkook nods stiffly, words caught in his throat.
"good."
... is all you say before you’re gone, following the others into the cabin, leaving him standing in the cold.
it takes a second, but his feet move on their own, trailing after you without a second thought. like a dog, he thinks, tail wagging behind its owner.
his hands clench into fists at his sides as he walks, the cold biting at his skin through his jacket.
you're here.
you're actually here.
they have invited you over and over again to friendgroup trips and you've only attended a handful of times. take note that those specific times were the ones where jungkook had rsvp'd no.
so this...
this?
this is completely beyond him.
you... in the flesh feels like some cruel cosmic joke to him. the kind of joke where the punchline cuts deep and leaves a scar.
three years.
three fucking years of trying not to think about you, of convincing himself he’d moved on.
three years of pretending he didn’t still see you in every corner of his life. he told himself he'd be ready for this moment if it ever came—that he'd have the right words, the right attitude, anything but the mess of disbelief and guilt twisting in his chest right now.
but here you are, running into his arms like none of it matters. like the years apart haven’t clawed at him the way they clearly didn’t claw at you.
he knows he shouldn’t be surprised.
you always were good at carrying things with grace, even when he was busy breaking them—breaking you.
a part of him feels bitter. he wishes you had a mean bone in your body. perhaps, he'd feel better... but you don't and all he's can think about is how good you smell.
“what the fuck," jungkook mutters under his breath, dragging a hand down his face as he steps into the cabin.
the warmth inside doesn’t reach him.
not really.
his heart is still somewhere out there in the cold, stuck in that driveway where you looked at him like nothing’s changed.
like he’s still someone worth smiling at.
as you get settled, jungkook and taehyung excuse themselves again and leave for their little grocery run.
when they come back, an hour later—the plastic grocery bags cutting into his fingers as he kicks the snow off his boots.
laughter drifts from the kitchen, light and easy, mingling with the clatter of pots and pans. the scent of something savory hangs in the air, and for a moment, he lets it lull him, the warmth easing the tension in his shoulders.
“finally,” yoongi groans, swooping in to grab some bags from jungkook. “we thought you guys got lost or something.”
“tae couldn’t decide between doritos and cheetos,” jungkook mutters, rolling his eyes as he shrugs off his coat. “turns out we needed both.”
“damn right we did,” taehyung calls from behind him, slamming the door shut with his foot.
jungkook lets their banter fade into the background, his eyes instinctively drawn toward the kitchen.
you’re there.
standing near the counter, sleeves rolled up as you stir something in a pot. your hair’s pulled back, a few loose strands framing your face. you’re laughing at something yoongi’s girlfriend says, your hands moving gracefully as you gesture, completely at ease.
the view of you is so clear, yet so vivid in his memory.
it makes his heart ache.
it’s like you’ve always been here, laughing, stirring pots, and looking so effortlessly beautiful it makes his chest ache.
like he’s coming home to you again.
“earth to jungkook?” jimin snaps his fingers in front of his face, smirking when jungkook blinks, caught. “you good?”
“yeah.” the word comes out too sharp, and he clears his throat, shrugging past jimin. “just gonna change.”
he doesn’t wait for a response and heads upstairs. the weight in his chest grows heavier with every step, a knot tightening in his stomach. when he reaches his room and pushes the door open, he freezes.
his bags aren’t where he left them.
instead, a collection of white baggage are stacked neatly in the corner. irritation flares, but it’s quickly doused by confusion—and a sinking realization.
“jungkook?” your voice calls softly from behind him, and he turns to see you at the top of the stairs, slightly out of breath.
you’re holding onto the banister, your other hand fiddling with the hem of your sweater. the soft fabric brushes your fingers as you glance at him, your expression tentative.
“the girls—um—mei, bria, and the others—they thought it’d be better if we moved your stuff,” you say, stepping closer. your voice is calm, and measured, but there’s a nervous energy in the way your eyes dart toward his. “i told them it wasn’t necessary, but they figured it’d be easier if... well, you know.”
jungkook leans against the doorframe, crossing his arms over his chest.
“so you’re gonna take my room?”
“it was our room for three years.”
“it’s been three years.”
“that’s true,” you hesitate, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “they put your stuff in jimin’s room. but i was just coming up to say, i can totally switch and room with joon’s girlfriend and make joon and jimin room together. i mean, it’d be a good chance to bond—”
“take the room.” his voice cuts through your rambling, low and firm.
your eyes widen slightly.
“are you sure? i really don’t mind—”
“yeah,” he says, shrugging. “the only other option would be to share it with me… so…”
you pause, a laugh bubbling out before you can stop it.
“that’d be crazy, right?”
something flickers across his face, too quick for you to catch. then, he straightens, his expression calm but his words heavy.
“would it be though?”
the question hangs in the air, your laughter fading as his gaze lingers on you. his tone is light, almost teasing, but there’s something beneath it—something you can’t quite name.
you look away, brushing your hand over the doorframe as if needing something to ground you.
“thanks, jungkook,” you say softly, the words carrying a warmth that feels too intimate. “i appreciate it.”
but before you turn, your hand reaches out, ruffling his hair in that way you used to when you thought he was being ridiculous.
his breath catches, and he doesn’t move, doesn’t even blink as your fingertips graze his scalp.
then you’re gone, your footsteps fading as you head back downstairs.
jungkook exhales, his head tipping back against the doorframe as he stares at the ceiling. “fuck,” he mutters under his breath, the weight in his chest now impossibly heavier.
by the time jungkook come down the stairs, the sound of laughter and chatter filling the space he follows behind you, catching the way the group immediately perks up. all eyes turning toward you both, and jin yells out, "look who finally decided to join the party!"
taehyung grins, his voice too cheerful for someone who clearly has something up his sleeve.
“you two are late to the conversation, so you’re being voluntold to go back to town and grab some oil. we forgot to buy oil.”
jungkook freezes mid-step, his brows furrowing.
“the fuck? i just got back. are you serious?”
you turn and see jungkook’s frustration bubbling up already as he turns to bicker with the guys, his voice rising in playful annoyance. “hyung, you couldn't just... check the damn list? are you fucking serious? i don’t want to go back—”
taehyung laughs, “we were too busy enjoying ourselves. you had fun with me! remember? we got both—”
“fuck that,” jungkook huffs. “i’m not going back—”
“you have to—”
“no, i don’t.”
“jungkook, you’re the youngest too—”
“why does that fucking matter?”
the group chuckles, but jungkook’s not laughing.
you watch jungkook’s face twist with irritation, the way his jaw tightens with every word that’s said. he’s always been like this—quick to snap when he feels cornered. it’s like he can’t stand being told what to do.
he can’t.
god, he really hates being pushed around.
you’ve always known that about him. yet, a part of you feels bad for him.
“no. fuck that.” his voice is sharp, a little louder than it needs to be. “i’m not going back—”
the others try to reason with him even more, but his deflection is clear.
it’s always the same with him, especially when he feels like he's being challenged. you can’t help but shake your head a little, a sigh almost escaping your lips as you glance at the group, waiting for the inevitable back-and-forth.
he’s the youngest, of course. always the youngest. always expected to just follow along, to do things because it’s “his turn” or whatever bullshit they’re using this time.
you feel your own resolve settle, the urge to take control bubbling up before you can stop it. without even thinking, you walk over to taehyung, reach over, and grab the the car keys from his hand.
you do it quickly, not even glancing at anyone else, just deciding in that moment that you’ve had enough of the back-and-forth.
“oil. anything else?” you ask, your tone light, almost too casual, as if this is no big deal.
you hear the group chuckle, but you're not listening to them.
you’re watching jungkook now, his surprise registering only for a second before the annoyance flickers back into his eyes.
he doesn’t have a choice now.
he hates this.
jungkook rolls his eyes, but it's too late—he knows it’s happening now. he snatches the keys back from your hand with a heavy sigh. he doesn’t look at you, but the slight dip in his shoulders gives him away.
he’s still annoyed, but it doesn’t matter.
not if it’s about you.
suddenly, he’s putting his boots on and slams the door. then, the sound of his car engine starting fills the silence. everyone turns to you in disbelief.
“huh," you tilt your head. "i guess he's driving.”
the car ride is silent, the engine purring smoothly beneath you.
jungkook’s car is new (to you, at least) and he drives like he’s trying to put as much distance between himself and the group as possible.
his knuckles are tight around the wheel, and every so often, his eyes flicker to you, then back to the road. you can feel the tension building up again, but neither of you says anything.
the store comes up quick, and you both slip inside. jungkook grabs the oil without a word, and as you stand by the aisle, you notice the carton of oat milk in his hand—your favourite brand too.
you blink.
“they didn’t ask for oat milk.”
he doesn’t look at you as he sets the carton into the basket, but there’s a quiet, almost hesitant shift in his posture.
“yeah. i know.”
you want to say something, anything, but you swallow the words.
it’s just oat milk.
back in the car, you both buckle up in silence, and jungkook starts the engine with a soft grumble. the snow outside is heavier now, falling in thick, swirling sheets, the road barely visible.
the car stalls.
jungkook curses under his breath, his hands working over the wheel like he’s already analyzing what’s wrong. you watch him, knowing he’s not going to admit it, but it’s obvious.
“looks like we’re stuck for a bit,” he mutters. “better wait for the snow to calm down.”
you lean back in your seat, the quiet pressing in. there’s nowhere to go but forward now, and it’s strange, this calm in the middle of nowhere with him beside you, neither of you saying much.
the snow pounds against the windshield. jungkook shifts in his seat, tapping his fingers against the wheel as he watches the storm.
as jungkook stares at the snow pounds against the windshield, you stare at him.
you wait for him to say something.
anything.
but jungkook doesn’t meet your eyes.
his gaze is fixed on the road, his hands tight on the steering wheel. you can feel the distance between you two—the years, the hurt, the things that never got said. the things you did say…
“so,” you start, your voice soft, the words almost hesitant. “how are you?”
jungkook scoffs.
“don’t.”
“don’t what?” you ask. “it’s been a while. i only really see what you’re up to via social media. you opened your own shop, right? i’m so proud of you. i know how long you’ve wanted to do that.”
jungkook nods.
“yeah…” his response is immediate, but detached. “yeah, i mean… it was a lot easier when i got the right clientelle. so yeah, still doing that. luxury car mechanic bullshit. it’s... all right. not much to update you about.” his tone is nonchalant, almost like he doesn’t care, but you know it’s a front. it’s always been easier for him to hide behind that mask of indifference.
“i’m sure there’s something—”
“i fix up cars people can’t even pronounce the names of. not a lot of excitement there. just... polishing up things people break, and making money for it.”
“okay,” you nod, your fingers tracing the edge of your seat. “jungkook, it’s me. don’t underplay this with me.”
he shrugs.
for the first time in three years; you feel it again.
you feel this… sense of anger? annoyance?
hurt.
jungkook is well known in the city.
he's the go-to mechanic for luxury cars—bentleys, ferraris, lambos—if you've got money and a car that needs fixing, you go to him… and while we’re here; let’s brag about it.
jungkook is not just any mechanic; he's the top of the game. he’s the most trusted in the industry, and somehow, he's built a reputation that makes even the richest clients feel like they’re getting something special.
most of them don't know it, but jungkook is lucky—unbelievably lucky.
he didn’t come from money, didn’t grow up with connections or a silver spoon in his mouth. hell, he's still the kind of guy who wears sweat pants and a hoodie to work… but he's got an uncanny knack for fixing cars, his hands working like magic around every engine and every screw. it's a skill that came naturally to him, no effort needed—he was born with it.
and that, somehow, has carried him through life.
the thing is, jungkook knows he's a loser.
a lovable one, sure, but a loser nonetheless.
he might be great with cars, but he's not the type to flaunt his success. his garage is both chaotic and high-end, a mix of organized chaos and state-of-the-art equipment, the kind of place that looks like it’s one bad day away from falling apart, but in reality, it's the most trusted name in the city.
he's rough around the edges, but that's part of his charm. he's got the grit to keep going when things get tough, but he stumbles through life in a way that makes everyone around him laugh—except when it comes to cars.
then, he's all business.
the fact that he's self-made, that he’s built everything from the ground up, doesn’t even fully sink in for him. he never asks for anything. the success just... happened, like it was meant to.
in the same sense, he’s a scumbag.
he’s gotten into trouble before, and he’s made his share of mistakes. but somehow, with the luck he’s got, he always lands on his feet. and that’s why, despite being a mess in every other part of his life, jungkook is the guy you call when your sports car breaks down in the middle of nowhere.
in fact, he’s the guy to be with in the middle of a snowy road.
yet, with all these thoughts… you figure not to push it any further.
the silence stretches again, but this time it’s not quite as awkward. it’s still heavy, though—thick with the things that were never said. and you can feel it, the weight of all that unsaid stuff, but something else creeps in too. a quiet yearning, a reminder of the closeness you once had.
“how’s work for you?”
you clear your throat and chirp up.
“it’s good. great, actually. dior signed me to be their permanent event planner. i got to work with ysl and chanel last year so that was cool… lots of travelling… i don’t know. it’s been… fun. i think i’ve done a lot since...”
“that’s good,” jungkook breathes. “i’m happy for you.”
“really?”
“really.”
you let out a relieved breath.
“you know, i always refer my clients to your shop. truth be told, i found out about your shop through them before you even posted on social media.”
he flicks a glance at you, but it’s fleeting.
“why?” he scoffs, but there’s no real anger behind it, just frustration. “you shouldn’t have…”
you wince slightly, but it’s not a judgment. you get it. you always have. the way he pushes people away, like he’s afraid of being too close to anyone, like caring might break him.
“we were in it together,” you reply, your voice quiet but warm. “life. our careers… everything. just because it didn’t work out between us doesn’t mean i was going to leave it as it was. i couldn’t help it. i thought of you whenever my clients complained about their cars. i thought of you whenever your favourite model drove past me. i thought of you, jungkook. how could i not? we spent three years together… so, don’t do that please. don’t act like the past three years haven’t been good to you… because as much as i could, i tried to send you some good. there was good.”
“okay,” he huffs out a breath, his shoulders tense. he’s quiet for a beat too long, and just when you think he might shut down, he mutters under his breath, his voice barely audible. “i appreciate it. all of it.”
“you’re welcome,” you smile.
then, you turn and watch the snow falling heavier now, the world outside becoming more and more a blur.
“you know,” you say, your voice almost teasing, trying to ease the weight of the moment, “your mom calls me on my birthday every year.”
his eyes flick to you again, almost imperceptibly, but it’s there. a flash of something in his eyes. a crack in the cool mask he’s built up.
“sorry,” he apologizes. “i… shit, ___. you know, you’re her favourite.”
“don’t be,” you smile, though there’s a hint of sadness in it. “she’s my favourite too.”
then, he’s quiet again, but this time, there’s a softening to his expression, the edge of defensiveness slipping away.
you let the silence settle again, the two of you wrapped in the quiet of the car and the storm outside. but this time, it feels different. not easy, not perfect. but it feels like maybe—just maybe—this is the first real conversation you’ve had in years.
and that’s enough for now.
the cabin feels smaller when you get back, and the weight of jungkook’s presence only makes it tighter. the group’s immediately apologizing, teasing him about the oil run, their words sharp but light.
“we totally forgot, man,” taehyung says, looking guilty. “guess you guys are our personal delivery service.”
jungkook doesn’t respond, his face already scrunching into an exaggerated grimace as he heads straight to the kitchen to help. you’re unsure if it’s from irritation or just sheer exhaustion.
maybe both, you think as you follow him.
but the moment passes quickly, and you’re both swept back into the warmth of the group’s energy.
it’s dinner time soon after, and the room is buzzing. the conversation is loud, comfortable, with everyone laughing and sharing stories. jungkook and you sit across from each other, the space between you both thick and quiet. your presence seems to be the only thing that pulls him from his usual nonchalance—every time you speak, even the smallest comment, he cracks a smile, almost like he can’t help it.
yoongi catches it first, raising an eyebrow at jungkook.
“what’s up with you, kid? you only smile when ___ talks. what? the rest of us aren’t funny enough for you?” his voice is teasing but his gaze lingers, as if looking for something more.
jungkook rolls his eyes, brushing it off with a half-hearted scoff.
mei, sitting next to yoongi, shakes her head. she nudges you and you laugh it off. then, you lift your face and meet jungkook’s eyes. he offers you a short-lived smile.
you take it.
the jokes keep coming, but the way jungkook’s eyes flick to you each time you speak doesn’t go unnoticed.
it’s subtle, the way his lips curve just a little, how his eyes soften just a fraction whenever you make a joke or offer your thoughts. but it’s enough. the others catch it, too, exchanging glances behind their drinks, a quiet realization settling between them.
after dinner, everyone migrates to the living room, pulling chairs and sofas closer to the fire. taehyung sets up the drinks, jin and hobi are already messing with the fire, adding logs with unnecessary dramatic flair, and namjoon is flipping through a deck of cards.
“we should play charades,” jimin suggests, his voice light as he pours more wine into his glass.
“charades? yeah, we could use some entertainment,” jin agrees, his gaze drifting between the group. “but i’m not going easy on you guys.”
you end up on the same team as jungkook.
when it’s your turn to act out a word, you both fall into an easy rhythm. your gestures are sharp and exaggerated, and jungkook picks up on your cues instantly, his movements smooth and fluid. there’s an unspoken understanding between the two of you, the way your eyes meet for half a second before you both act out the next part of the clue.
honestly, it’s like no time has passed since you last did this, and everyone else watches with mild surprise, the chemistry between you two almost palpable.
nam joon and taehyung share an amused glance, their eyes widening slightly, while jin snorts quietly.
“okay, okay, we get it. you two are too good at this,” jimin says, shaking his head with a laugh.
“they’re like a team built for charades,” namjoon mutters, and yoongi, always perceptive, smirks.
“it’s like they can read each other’s minds,” he says, narrowing his eyes at you both. “almost makes me uncomfortable.”
you can feel the weight of their glances, the way they subtly watch every interaction, waiting for something to shift. and when the game finally wraps up, everyone is drunk, laughter louder and voices more relaxed.
conversation moves from silly jokes to more serious topics, the kind that happens when the alcohol hits just right. somehow, everyone feels like they’re safe enough to let their guard down.
hoseok mentions work—how it’s been a mess lately, how nothing seems to be going right, and the conversation shifts into the stress of adulthood, of managing expectations and responsibilities.
“sometimes it feels like i’m drowning in it,” hoseok admits, rubbing his temples. “i mean, we’re doing okay, but god, it’s like every time i take a breath, there’s another problem.”
“sounds about right,” taehyung agrees, sipping his drink. “adulting sucks.”
the conversation flows around you, but then someone cracks a joke, and you reply with your usual snark. jungkook chuckles, and it’s a real, honest laugh, something that sounds familiar, something that feels like the version of him you used to know.
bria, who’s been quiet for most of the night, turns her gaze to jungkook, her eyes flicking between him and you with a raised brow. it’s obvious she’s drunk, so jungkook mentally prepares for the worst.
“jungkook?”
“what do you want?” he sighs. “you’re drunk so choose your words carefully, bria. last time we talked while you were drunk like this, i made you cry for an hour.”
bria rolls her eyes at jungkook.
“guess it’s my turn then,” she inhales deeply. “my turn to make you cry.”
jungkook gulps, but he tries his best to mask his fear.
he knows exactly who she’s gonna target.
“yah, do you think you’re slick or something?” bria asks. “why do you always laugh at ___'s jokes but no one else’s? you look at her and practically salivate. are you a dog? do you like her or something?”
the group goes quiet.
it’s then everyone realizes that it’s bria’s first cabin trip. even yoongi, who’s usually too aloof for moments like this, pauses, his gaze sharp as it flicks between you and jungkook. there’s a tension, thick enough to make your chest tighten, and you feel the eyes of the group on you.
it’s like the breath has been knocked out of the room. bria’s words hang between you and jungkook, heavy and unwelcome.
for a second, no one says anything.
you can feel the heat in your cheeks, the way everything seems to slow down.
your mind races.
“we’re exes.”
bria’s voice cuts through the silence again, softer this time. “oh, shit… fuck, right. yeah. i remember now… i guess it never clicked because i’ve only known you for a few months…”
“yeah,” jimin pulls bria close. he gestures towards the direction of their room. she shakes her head, refusing his obvious cue. “babe, let’s get you to bed—”
“no, wait… just w-wait. you and ___? but you two... are literally perfect for each other. what happened?” bria blurts, her tone genuine and almost searching.
you catch the way jungkook’s body tenses up.
from across the group, you chase for his eyes. they meet for the first time all night and you swear—there’s a flicker of something there.
something soft and promising.
something almost like love, but a lot like loss.
as quickly as you see it, it fades away. so, you offer him a soft smile. then, shake your head slightly, the movement almost imperceptible. it’s a signal.
don’t answer.
but he doesn’t look away.
and then, as if the silence is unbearable, jungkook speaks, his voice low but steady, almost like it’s been waiting to come out for too long.
“i fucked up,” jungkook admits. “i fucked up like everyone said i would.”
#bts fic#bts angst#jungkook exboyfriend#jk exes to lovers#jk e2l#jungkook scenario#jungkook imagine#jungkook boyfriend#jungkook second chance#bts fanfic#bts jk
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"Are you... reading Twilight?"
You had asked Jason, who broke into your apartment while you were gone grocery shopping. He only gave you a hum and continued reading as you set your grocery bags on your kitchen table.
You watched him turn the page and felt a sense of dread. It was your copy from when you were 13 years old. It had notes and doodles in the margins. Did he read your notes? Of course he would. He reads the annotated versions of Jane Austen he has for fun. Why wouldn't he read your notes? The world seemed to be against you this day.
You were so mortified you didn't even hear him laugh at a doodle you had of Edward biting a dog with the word "nom" next to it. He was almost done with the book.
You've only been dating for a handful of months. Would the notes break up your relationship? You don't remember the majority of them.
You haven't touched the trilogy since school, and you originally didn't even want to read it. The social pressure from your friends became to be too much, and it felt like a religious experience at the time.
You had forgotten about the book entirely in the years you've had it crammed in a bookcase next to the rest of the series, which, with great horror, you saw he also pulled out to read.
"Don't tell me you're enjoying the book."
You said in disbelief. The memories run through your head of your blushing cheeks at simple words on pages while the girls ganged up on you to ask which team your on. What team is Jason on? Or has he read this before behind closed doors? He shrugged and simply replied,
"I am."
You wanted to bolt out the door, but you had melting limited addition candy cane ice cream in your grocery bag.
Instead of running away, you bravely start putting away your groceries with your eyes trained on Jason. He seemed to genuinely enjoy your trashy romance book that's so incredibly dated. This is so bizarre to you. He's a fan of the classics and loves books that he can revisit without cringing.
The book appeared partially destroyed by the abyss of your backpack with a torn cover and a broken spine, but it drew Jason's attention. Of course, it would draw his attention. He always said a well loved book is one you take everywhere. A book with a broken spine and torn cover is going to make him curious.
He never had the normal teenage phase, so he's never read the book. He was curious, and he was rewarded so far. He understands now why teenagers like the trilogy so far.
You decided to break into the ice cream. You tensed at every page turned. What did you write in there? You tried to remember. You vaguely remember writing "yummy muscles" on a page. You cringed. Oh, the horrors of a horny teen.
The ice cream was as delicious as you expected it to be. How could you look him in the eyes ever again? Will he tell the whole family? You were stress eating.
Jason finished the book and went to pick up the next one, but you plucked it out of his hands before he could open it and grabbed the final book as well.
"I'm seriously going to throw these in the shredder."
Jason smirked at you. He enjoyed your little doodles and notes. It was as if he was meeting you when you were kids. He pointed out,
"I think they are too big to shred, pipsqueak."
You pouted, which only made him more amused. He pulled you into his lap and kissed your cheek. You huffed,
"I can still try."
He laughed. You were so adorable. He might have to embarrass you more. He murmured to you,
"I especially enjoyed your note of 'delicious dog meat.'"
You groaned and held your face in your hands, making the books fall to the floor. You hated your past self in this moment. Why did you keep those books? For Jason to show up and read them?
The feeling of dread eventually went away the more he kissed you. You filed away the fact you can know for a fact Jason read Twilight now, and part of you wondered if he'll spiral into the hellscape of fanfiction as a result. You are going to burn those books.
You like to think you ended up with a better love story than Twilght. Sure, you may be dating a zombie instead of a vampire or werewolf like teen you had wanted (if we can have Superman, we can have a sexy vampire or werewolf), but your zombie is perfect in his own ways.
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Inescapable Final Part (Steddie X You)
A/N: Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and all that fun stuff <3
Warnings: Convicts Dom Older Steddie (Sir Eddie/ Daddy Steve) & Fem Sub Younger Y/N, SMUT, light dirty talk, light choking, slight over stimulation, dp
ANGST, continues where the last ended, Olivia isn't there for the chaos that unfolds, Derek has a gun and threatens these three, brief mentions of a stabbing (once) and gunshots (a couple), blood is mentioned as well as the disposal of the aftermath, light mentions of kidnapping (Derek talking about taking Olivia back home), boys talk about entering a dark headspace to handle the situation Derek put them in, the three of them get hit a few times (reader once and Eddie a few times), I think that's it.
If you know the series and my angsty brain you know what to expect!
Happy ending for sure <3
Word Count: 4867
Series here/Donate to Me <3
“Mommy!”, your daughter shouted as she heard the front door open and ran to greet you.
Before she got two feet, Derek grabbed her bicep keeping her in place and you had to do the same with Steve as he started to charge towards the man at the action.
“Hey, baby. Are you alright?”
“Uh huh.”, she nods seemingly confused as her eyes fleet between all the adults in the room.
“Good. Why don’t you go to your room and get your bunny daddy bought you with your pajamas ok?” When your ex’s grip remained steadfast, both men beside you glared his way before he finally let her go. “Go on, Olivia.”
“What are you doing?”, Derek asked when she disappeared down the hall.
“I don’t know what your plan is but that little girl has nothing to do with it. We have a neighbor who doesn’t mind watching her while everything plays out.”
“’Everything plays out?’ Jesus, you still aren’t fucking listening, Y/N. I just want to talk.”
“Then why did you take her? You could have just knocked on the fucking door.”
“I wanted to get your attention.”
“Well, you got it.”
He chuckles at your tone as his eyes flick to either side of you.
“Do they not talk anymore?”
“Trust me. You don’t want them to. I had to convince them not to just fucking kill you.”
Derek’s face settles as his irises darken before cocking the gun and stepping forward to place it under your chin.
“After everything you put me through, you think I wouldn’t just kill all three of you, take her, and leave? You have a high reward on your head but hers? It’s up to $300,000. They’d put her in the system though because your dad disowned you both. Oh, he puts up a good front for the news but… you’re the whore who ran off with murderers.”
“Daddy?” You blink as Derek backs away from you and both her fathers smile her way. “Everyone…mad?”
“No, honey. Noone is mad. You’re just going to go spend the night with Mrs. Redford while we talk to Uncle Derek.”, Steve relays in a soothing tone as he lifts her into his arms. “You got everything?”
When she nods and he heads for the door, you reach out to pet her curls and kiss her forehead.
“I love you, Olivia.”
“I love you, mommy.”
Eddie does the same before lightly tickling her neck making her smile.
“We’ll see you tomorrow morning, troublemaker.”
“Where are you going, Steve? She’s 3. I think she can walk herself.”, Derek growled giving the other man pause as he reached for the doorknob.
“You’re right, she can but if you think I’m letting my three-year-old walk across the street in the snow by herself then you’re insane.”
Your heart broke as her little arms wrapped tightly around his neck at the firm sound of his voice. Olivia knows that tone from Steve even though she’s rarely been on the receiving end. Her father is upset and she’s not sure at what exactly but she knows she’s safe in his arms.
He doesn’t even wait for permission as he opens the door and begins to walk her to the neighbors.
Your ex grunts in frustration before pushing you forward so he could watch from the patio but as he does Eddie hits his hand.
“Don’t fucking touch her.”
It happens quickly.
As soon as his words leave his mouth, Derek’s arm flies and you gasp as the butt of the gun hits the man you love in the face knocking him to the ground.
“It seems you guys don’t understand who is in fucking charge here. Just because I won’t hurt Olivia doesn’t mean I won’t kill you.”
You hastily kneel to check on him but the man grabs your arm and roughly pulls you outside.
“Please…don’t do this… just pretend you didn’t see us, Derek, and let us be happy.”
The man snorts as he continues to watch Steve hug his daughter before shaking the neighbor’s hand with a big smile.
“Still so fucking selfish, Y/N. Always putting yourself before the people around you.”
The other man runs back across the street and your ex pushes you both back inside as he locks the door.
“I’m ok. I’m fine.”, Eddie grumbles as Steve worriedly tries to check him over but he’s pushed away.
“Couch please.”
You three do as he commands, placing yourself on the sofa with you in the middle of both boys as Derek sits across from you and crosses his legs.
“How did you get over the border? Who forged the papers?”
“I did.”, you lie. “It’s not that hard when you know what legally they are checking for.”
Your ex snickers as his eyes scan you over.
“That’s strike one, babe. You lie to me again and you won’t enjoy the outcome.” Derek glares your way for a few seconds before he sighs and rubs his eyes. “When did you change? You weren’t always like…this.”, he inquires as he gestures your way.
“I know, I’m stronger than I used to be.”
“Hm. Well so is your dad. Because his daughter and grandchild were ‘kidnapped’, he used that to get sympathy and move up the ladder. As of right now, he’s commissioner in our town and a fucking asshole. When you disappeared and I had no one to marry, he refused to help my family, Y/N. My dad lost his job, I got kicked out of school because I couldn’t make tuition and my family lost their house. Right now, they are living out of their suitcases in some fucking hotel.”
When you didn’t respond, he growled in your direction.
“Sorry. I forgot empathy isn’t your strong suit.”
“You were going to ruin my life to save yourself and your namesake. I’m sorry if I can’t empathize with that.”
“Ruin your life? Was being with me really that fucking bad?! My family treated you like one of their own!”
“Your family treated me like I was beneath them constantly! Add that to the list of things you never fucking noticed.”
Abruptly, he rose to his feet and grabbed your bicep to force you to yours. Both men started to stand to defend you but when he aimed the gun in their direction they froze.
“I noticed… I noticed that you were pulling away. I noticed that you were on the phone more than normal. I noticed the way you would grin when the mail came in. I noticed when you came home smelling like garbage.”, he hissed as he glared their way. “What I didn’t understand was why. Why after so many years you could leave me that easily…”
“It wasn’t easy. Ask them. I told them constantly that I cared about you and needed to try with us! But we kept fighting about everything, Derek. I constantly felt like I wasn’t enough with you.”
“What did I say about lying?”
His palm collided with your cheek so hard your fell to the floor. Eddie rose to his feet to defend you but was punched hard in the mouth. The metalhead bounced back quickly but paused when the gun the man was holding was pointed at Steve whose palm was resting on your bicep from where he was on the couch.
“It’s ok, baby.”, he soothed softly before addressing Derek. “She did tell us about you. One of her first letters mentioned you and how much she cared about you. It wasn’t until we heard her fucking crying on the phone or saw her broken-hearted face that we started really making any moves.”
“Liar.”
“Pfft, believe what you want. It doesn’t change the fact that she fell for us.”, Eddie seethed as he spit blood on the floor. “And we fell for her. Granted we can’t hide the fact that we wanted to fuck her from day one.”
Derek fully turned to face the metalhead as he continued to mock him with a sadistic smile.
“Oh yeah. We talked all the time about how we were going to fucking ruin her and you want to know the fun part? She wanted it to.” As he whispered his last sentence, your ex ran forward and grabbed Eddie’s collar as the metalhead maniacally laughed. “Fuck, man. You should have seen the way she was when we were calling her a whore and fucking her tied to a mattress. God, Derek, she loves being a bad girl. Was she that way with you?”
He punched Eddie again causing him to laugh harder as he shook his head.
“I’ll take that as a no. I guess she just needed a real man to fuck her the right way, huh, little boy?”
Derek suddenly howled in pain as you stabbed his leg with the knife you had hidden in your sock from your spot on the floor before Eddie lifted your ex’s arm in the air that was holding the gun.
As it fired, Steve swiftly jumped into action, tackling him around his neck from behind as both boys wrestled him to the ground. The sound of bones breaking filled the room as Derek’s hand was stepped on and the weapon was slid in your direction that you swiftly picked up and pointed his way.
“Steve.”, you called as his hands wrapped around the boy’s throat and squeezed. “Steve…”
Both their eyes were dark with something you had never seen from them before. Something you imagine they picked up in prison; that psychotic side that comes with being locked up in a place you don’t belong. Where you are threatened every day and hurt by violent men who have done things you never imagined possible unless you were deranged.
“Steve.” When he finally let the man go, Derek coughed as he tried to catch his breath. “How did you find us?”
When he didn’t answer, Eddie’s boot pushed on his hand and he screamed in pain.
“I used a private investigator! The s-same…same guy that helped me…find people for my documentary… We…we assumed you’d come up here…add in that you’re using his mother’s maiden name as your last! I put two and two together! Heh, I’ve been following you around, Y/N, for three days but you didn’t even fucking notice, did you!?”
Steve took the gun from your hand and almost too casually pulled the trigger, firing a bullet into the boy’s other leg.
“Go ahead. Scream all you want. There’s a huge front coming in so no one’s going to hear. But you knew that didn’t you?”, the former jock calmly relayed before covering the other man’s mouth so he could be heard more clearly. “You just want to be heard my ass. You were going to kill us and take Olivia weren’t you?”
When his lips pouted out, Eddie pushed on his palm again and he relented.
“YES!”
“And you were just going to kill Y/N?”
His eyes flick to you but Steve’s fingers pinching his jaw force him to look his way again.
“No. You don’t get to look at her. You don’t even get to speak to her. She’s not yours. She never was.”, he remarks. “The difference between us and you, Derek, is we would literally do anything for her. Funny thing is…none of this would have happened if she had let us kill you the first time we offered…You, her dad, anyone else that got in our way… But every time…she said no. Do you think she’ll say no again, Derek?
Tell her what your plan was. Tell how you were going to kill us and then her. Were you going to offer her to come back home or just get rid of her out right?”
Forcing him to look at you, you saw the truth in his eyes and anger flowed through you.
“Would you bring her back because you love her or because of the reward? 300K is nice but add in hers… how much is she worth, Derek?”
“One…one hundred grand…”, he whispers.
“What would you have told our daughter? She’s pretty head strong…I don’t think she would leave without knowing where we were. How would you handle that?”
“Would you hurt her, Derek?”, you whimper through tears and at his nonanswer you step forward to kick his leg where you had stabbed him repeatedly making him cry out before Eddie comes around to collect you in his arms.
“And we’re the monsters…”, Steve growled as he shook his head. “Did you tell anyone you were coming up here?”
“No.”
The gun went off again, hitting him in the shoulder and making you jump as the metalhead comforted you.
“You wouldn’t lie to me now would you, Derek?!”
“NO, FUCKER!”
“Why?”
“He wanted to make a show of it. Be good for his stupid fucking film.”, you hiss through gritted teeth.
Steve’s eyes raked across you both before rising to his feet and stepping away. Eddie adjusted his body with his back towards your ex and pressed his palm against your cheek till your vision was shielded by his chest.
“Do you want me to do it?”, you heard him ask.
You didn’t jump this time when the gun went off, feeling safe in this man’s arms.
“No. I got it.”
###################
You remained silent as the three of you quickly got to work.
Well, you tried to help but neither man would allow it as they wrapped-up Derek’s body and threw it in their car. You stepped forward to go with them to dispose of it but once again a silent palm stopped you as they disappeared out the door.
Four hours later, they came home to a clean-living room and the sound of the shower running in the bedroom.
You weren’t startled when the glass door slid open and both men climbed in on either side of you. They weren’t sure if you had just started or had been disassociating the whole time because while the bathroom was fogged up with steam, your arms and cheeks still had traces of blood along your skin.
The dirt and blood that was attached to theirs began to easily glide of them as the water hit their flesh and you couldn’t help yourself when your fingers reached up to lightly graze Eddie’s nose where Derek hit him.
His face visibly flinched even as he tried to hide it but still allowed you to move his hair to the side to see where the bruise was beginning to form where the gun barrel hit his forehead.
Cupping his cheeks in your hands, you tilted his head so you could place a light feathery kiss along the wound and his breath hit your chest as he exhaled at the action before falling to his knees to tenderly kissing your stomach.
Steve’s own lips gently trailed along your shoulder to your neck as he utilized the washcloth to clean your arms and hands.
A low moan left you when you felt the metalhead’s tongue lick a line through your folds till his mouth wrapped around your clit. The other boy continued to clean you, lightly tilting your head back so he could get your face before passionately kissing your lips.
You winced slightly and his eyes clouded over with anger at the light purple along your cheek bone where Derek had smacked you.
Both men were still in that dark headspace, you could see it in their irises.
You wondered how to get them back to you as the coil in your belly began to wind. Not because you were afraid but because you wanted them to be happy.
They deserved to be happy.
Steve’s arms wrapped securely around you as you pressed your back into his chest, whimpering as pleasure washed over you and you came. Even as you trembled, Eddie’s tongue didn’t stop its assault as you rode out your high.
Your palm limply pulled at his bicep and as he rose to his feet you sunk to your knees taking both their cocks in your hands. The pretty boy rushed forward to capture his lips with his own, groaning against the other as your own mouth enveloped the man in front you while you pumped the one beside you.
Once Steve had Eddie free of dirt and grime, the metalhead took over and cleaned the man he loved. Steve’s fingers threaded through your hair as you switched and bobbed your head, taking his length as far back as you could before doing the same with Eddie.
The sound of their kisses and light touches continued above you till you heard the sound of one of them turning off the faucet.
Eddie lifted you from the porcelain and threw you over his shoulder as he carried you to the bed without even bothering to dry you or himself. After tossing you onto your back, he opened your legs, lifting one over his shoulder and guiding himself into your entrance.
The man set a brutal pace as he leaned over you, pressing your knee to your chest.
“F-Fuck, Sir. Right…Right there.”
Eddie grunted in response as his head hung and he thrust his hips. Steve appeared above you and your back arched when his palms kneaded your breast and his thumbs lightly ran along your erect nipples.
Keeping his own hands pressed against your thighs, Eddie leaned back on to his knees and the other boy crawled over to spit on your clit making him groan loudly as he pulled out abruptly to rub the tip of his cock along the man’s saliva.
Craning your neck, you watched as Eddie beckoned him with his finger and pushed his head against your nub as he pushed himself back inside you.
Your eyes rolled as hand blindly reached out to run your nails down Steve’s back.
Screaming louder than you had in a long while, you came hard around him causing Eddie to grip your hips and pound his length roughly inside of you till you felt his release paint your walls.
They changed places so fast your pussy was still quivering when Steve guided his dick into your hole.
“Goddamn it.”
Lifting both legs over his shoulders, he clung to your thighs as he aggressively thrust into you.
“Fuck—Daddy…”
The bed underneath you began to shake while you clung to his biceps and his head hung. Neither of them were looking at you and it was killing you. As your fingers reached for his chin, he promptly pinned your wrist to the mattress below but when you tried with your other, he slapped it away and circled his fingers around your throat.
Steve didn’t even realize where his palm was until he heard you and Eddie passionately kissing as your tongues danced together. Releasing you, he utilized his thumb to play with your overstimulated nub between your legs and you panted his title against the other boy’s lips as you came.
He soon followed, opening your limbs wide as he watched himself pump his cum deep inside you.
Heavy pants filled the room as the three of you tried to catch your breath.
Blinking, he pulled away from you and rose to his feet.
“Why does this feel like that first night after you fucked me?” Your voice caused Steve to pause as he turned to face you now sitting up to fully face them. “Why do I feel like you’re about to leave me?”
“We’re not leaving you—”
“But you’re going somewhere?”, you interrupt with distain.
“We think it’s best if we stay in a hotel for a couple of days.”
“Why?”, you hiss. “Give me one good goddamn reason why you would leave me and Olivia after what just happened.”
“We’re leaving FOR you and Olivia.”
“Oh, bullshit, Eddie. If that’s what you’re telling yourself so you feel better about this then fuck you.” Rising off the bed, you stomp towards the closet, pulling down a suitcase and tossing it on the bed. “Go ahead. Leave. Go do everything by yourselves again without trusting me.”
“That’s not what this is, Y/N.”, Steve growled.
Ignoring him, you absently pulled one of their shirts over your head and randomly grabbed others to throw into the luggage. He grabbed your wrist to stop you but you promptly turned around and shoved his chest.
“Don’t fucking touch me! I’m tired of this! Why are you running and leaving me alone again, huh!? Why?! Why are you leaving me again when I need you!!”, you screamed as you kept shoving him, your voice cracking at the hoarseness. “I thought you fucking trusted me now!”
“We do! We don’t trust ourselves!!”, he shouted, gripping your forearms and chuckling under his breath as he pushed you lightly on to the bed. “You think you understand everything, little girl, but you don’t. We may have been innocent when we went in but we aren’t anymore. I just killed someone, honey, and I don’t fucking care. I don’t.”
“You think I don’t know that? Remember, like you said, you offered to kill him in past. What? Were you just fucking with me to make me feel better?”
“No, Y/N, we weren’t.”, Eddie murmured as he continued to glare towards the floor. “But this is the first we actually allowed that headspace to take over…to become the monster’s they think we are… We want to go away for a couple of days to fully get back out of it.”
“Why can’t you do that here? I’m not afraid of you. I’ve never been afraid of you.”
“We don’t want to hurt you…”
“Or Olivia.”
“Oh my god.”, you breathe as you sarcastically laugh and stand up as you try to control your tears. “If I thought for one second, you were capable of that I would have left you a long time ago. You would never hurt our daughter or me…physically anyway. Because this…”, you gesture absently around you. “…fucking hurts. I knew…you’d protect us. What you did out there…that was you protecting us… You’re not him.”
As you start to sob, you hear bare feet scoot across the carpet before you’re encased in arms and lifted back on to the bed. Your arms cling to Steve as you push your face into his chest while Eddie’s fingers brush your hair away from your face and you hear a loud bang as he kicks the suitcase to the floor.
“You really weren’t afraid of us?”, he whispers almost cautiously as if he’s afraid of the answer.
“No.”
“I kept picturing him hurting you or Olivia and I just—” Your lips on Steve’s cut him off before gently trailing down his chin to his collarbone. “I’m sorry, honey. I’m sorry you had to experience all this.”
After licking your palm, you reach behind you and Eddie moans in your ear as you stroke his cock.
“I’m sorry he had to throw a wrench into everything. You both deserve to be happy.”
“So do you, sweetheart.” While he spoke, Eddie lifted your leg over the other man’s hip who held on to your thigh as he lifted it up further. “You’re not sore or anything right? We weren’t too rough?”
“No, you weren’t, baby.” Reaching over you, Steve held your ass open as the other man guided himself inside you once more. “Fuck, Eddie.”
Collecting some of your slick and remnants of their cum, the pretty boy easily slid his length into your pussy again as he licked his lips at the feeling.
“Say my name, Y/N. M-Moan my name like you did with him.”
“Steve.”
“Yeeeeees, baby.”, he grunted as they both set a much slower pace than they had used before.
Taking Eddie’s hand in yours, you held it to your chest, pulling him closer to you as he kissed the nape of your neck.
“I love you…so much—shit—Thank you for…protecting us.”
Steve’s arm extends out to rest on Eddie’s lower back and the other boy responds by doing the same.
“We love you to…fuck, m’not gonna last long.”, the metalhead whines as they rolled their hips and you practically felt their cocks grinding against each other inside you.
“Please, Eddie…Steve…make me cum again.”
Lost in you and themselves, they firmly pounded into you in tandem till you felt yourself shutter between them as your climax hit you hard. It was more than they could take and Steve finished first as he released his seed into your cunt for the second time that night. Eddie soon followed, digging his nails into the boy’s skin as he came in your behind.
***
When they woke up and you weren’t between them, both men panicked as they threw on their boxers and ran into the living room. When they saw you were safe out back, they put on some pajama pants and jackets to see what you were up to.
Placed in front of the grill, you had a small fire going but it wasn’t until they looked down that they noticed you were burning Derek’s ID’s and passport.
“I went through his bag and it seems like he didn’t stay in a hotel. Just pretty much came straight here. He brought one change of clothes, his camera, and his notebook. I went through the footage and he mentions something like how he ‘spoke to people in town’ and they told him about a little girl about Olivia’s age at an ‘orphanage’. He, um, he implied that we most likely ‘couldn’t handle being on the run with a baby’ and left her behind.”, you sigh as your eyes meet theirs. “He WAS going to kill us and take her.”
Eddie pulled you into his arms and kissed your forehead as Steve pet your hair.
“I also went through the notebook and he made little notes from the PI. I guess they found out where we sold the stolen car and assumed we rode a bus to one of the cities around here. He went searching by himself from there so I don’t think anyone knows he came up here.”
“Hunch strong enough to stay or should we move to another city?”
“That’s up to you. I believe we’re safe but if we really need to go then it’s what we need to do. How’s your head?”, you ask as your cold hands touch his cut that was now bandaged.
“It’s alright. Little fucker didn’t hit me too hard.” Eddie smiles when you grin up at him. “Y/N, sweetheart, we’re sorry about last night. You know we never want to hurt or leave you.”
“I know.”, you reply sullenly as your gaze shifts towards the fire. “I know. I forgive you.”
Steve’s fingers reach for your chin and turn you to meet his eyes.
“Y/N, we’ve been through so much and prison changes you whether you’re innocent or not. I think…sometimes we need to be reminded that we aren’t bad people.”
Pushing up on your tip toes, you kiss his lips before turning to do the same with Eddie.
“You’re not bad people. Like I said, I wouldn’t be here with you if you were.”
##############
You smile wide as Steve playfully whips out his sunglasses like James Bond and puts them on as he continues to drive.
“Dada, where are we going?”
“Anywhere you want, baby.”, he answers as his eyes flick to the rearview mirror to meet her gaze. “We were thinking we could go on an adventure and find a new home.”
“W-Why can’t we stay at our home?”
“Remember, sweetheart, how I told you that daddy and dada had some adventures of their own before you were born?” Eddie waits for her to nod as he places his arm behind her seat. “Well Uncle Derek…isn’t really your uncle. He’s a spy for the evil king who runs the land we hail from.”
Olivia’s eyes widen as she glances your way and you nod with an equally wide expression.
“Me, mommy, and dada sent him back to his kingdom and gave him a warning that should he ever come looking again we shall fight to the death!”, he declares in a deep voice that makes her giggle. “But we still need to make sure our princess is safe so we’re moving to a new castle.”
She nods seemingly in understanding as Eddie winks in your direction.
“So, where do you want to go, honey?”
“I don know. Where do you wanna go, mommy?”
“Hm. What about Greenland? Right here?” Lifting up the roadmap, you show her with your finger. “Maybe we can find a house by the bay here. Listen to the water every night.”
“I like it! Dada, we go to Green-Land!”
“You got it, princess Olivia.”, Steve beams as he reaches over to hold your hand.
Eddie’s arm circles around your seat as he leans over to kiss your cheek.
“Is that ok?”, you ask them quietly as you rub the man’s arm with you free pam.
“Yeah, baby. It’s perfect. We’d go anywhere as long as we’re with you. We may be free from prison but you’re stuck with us for life, sweetheart.”
##############
@lemme-slytherin-that-dick @micheledawn1975 @paleidiot @fireeyes-on-teller-dixon-grimes @noooah @baileebear @dashingdeb16 @nailbatanddungeon @rockmusiciscalming12 @mikeyswifie @poofyloofy @eddiexmunsonlover @dreamliners @munsonmoonshine86 @bexreadstoomuch @kitkat80 @myherometalhead @hardladyheart @sheisjoeschateau @chelebelletx @yesimabratandwhataboutot @cherryxhaze @utterlyinsanity @peachy-bunnns
#steddie#steddie angst#steddie smut#steddie fluff#steddie fic#steddie fanfic#stranger things#joe keery#joseph quinn#eddie munson#steve harrington#fan fiction#eddie munson smut#eddie munson fluff#eddie munson angst#steve harrington smut#Steve harrington angst#steve harrington fluff#steddie x you#steddie x y/n#steddie x reader#eddie fanfic#daddy steve harrington#sir Eddie munson#dom steddie#sub reader
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♡ So Kiss Me | OP81
Summary: McLaren's annual Christmas party means failed gingerbread houses and confessions in the snow.
SERIES MASTERLIST | MAIN MASTERLIST
The McLaren Technology Centre was buzzing with excitement. Fresh off the high of their constructors’ championship win, the annual Christmas party was in full swing. The sprawling MTC was unrecognizable, decked out with garlands, fairy lights, and a massive Christmas tree standing proudly at the entrance. It was festive, loud, and decidedly not where Y/N wanted to be at the moment.
She leaned against a high-top table near the edge of the room, nursing her drink and watching the crowd. As a PR coordinator for McLaren, she’d spent months working tirelessly managing their socials and was supposed to be enjoying herself. Instead, she was contemplating the pros and cons of sneaking out early when a familiar voice cut through her thoughts.
“Y/N, you’re not entering the gingerbread contest?”
Caroline. The thorn in her side. Caroline worked in marketing and had perfected the art of weaponized politeness. Tonight, she was wearing a sparkly red dress and an infuriatingly smug expression.
“Nope,” Y/N said flatly, hoping the conversation would end there.
Caroline tilted her head, her smile sharpening. “Oh, I see. I guess some people just don’t have the creative touch for it.”
Y/N’s grip tightened on her glass. She didn’t care about the contest… except now she absolutely did. Caroline’s subtle digs always had a way of lighting a fire under her.
“Actually, I’ve decided I’m entering,” Y/N said, forcing a smile.
Caroline blinked in surprise, but she recovered quickly. “Oh, how fun! Can’t wait to see what you come up with.”
As soon as Caroline walked away, Y/N’s bravado crumbled. What was she doing? She didn’t even have a teammate.
She scanned the room, hoping to spot someone who wasn’t already paired up or too deep into their drinks. No luck. Her usual work friends were either tipsy or engrossed in other activities. After a fruitless search, she retreated to a quieter corner of the room, sulking.
“Why do you look like someone stole your Christmas cookies?”
She looked up to see Oscar Piastri standing in front of her, hands in his pockets and a curious smile on his face. He looked effortlessly good in a suit, the tie slightly loosened around his neck.
“It’s nothing,” she said quickly, not wanting to admit her predicament.
“Doesn’t look like nothing,” he said, stepping closer. “Come on, Y/N. Spill.”
With a sigh, she relented. “Caroline made some snide comment about me not entering the gingerbread contest, so I decided to prove her wrong. But I don’t have a partner, and I’m pretty sure I’m going to embarrass myself.”
Oscar’s brows lifted in amusement. “That’s it? Easy fix. I’ll be your partner.”
Her eyes widened. “What? No way. You don’t have to do that. This is your party. You should be… I don’t know, celebrating.”
“I am celebrating,” he said with a grin. “And what better way to celebrate than helping you crush Caroline?”
She hesitated, but the sincerity in his eyes won her over. “Fine. But don’t say I didn’t warn you. I’m terrible at this stuff.”
“How bad could it be?”
Very bad, as it turned out.
“This wall won’t stay up!” Y/N groaned, holding a piece of gingerbread that stubbornly refused to stick to the icing.
“Maybe we didn’t use enough icing?” Oscar suggested, frowning at their rapidly deteriorating structure.
“I think the problem is that we’re bad at this,” she said, trying not to laugh.
“Speak for yourself,” he shot back, his smirk widening. “I’m an innovator. This is modern architecture.”
“If by ‘modern’ you mean it looks like it’s about to fall over, then yeah, you nailed it,” she shot back, rolling her eyes but unable to hide her grin.
They both burst out laughing as the roof caved in, sending a handful of gumdrops skittering across the table. Around them, other teams were building masterpieces: sleek houses with intricate frosting designs and perfectly placed candies. Meanwhile, theirs looked like it had survived an earthquake.
“This… this looks like something a five-year-old made blindfolded,” Y/N said, choking on laughter as she gestured at the crumbling mess. “It’s somehow defying gravity in all the wrong ways!”
Oscar wheezed, leaning on the table for support. “Hey, it’s abstract. We’re pushing the boundaries of what a gingerbread house can be.”
“Right, because ‘falling apart’ is such a bold statement,” she teased, wiping tears from her eyes.
They tried to salvage their creation, but every attempt made it worse. Oscar’s attempt at adding a candy cane chimney resulted in the entire roof collapsing again, while Y/N’s decorative icing turned into an unintentional Jackson Pollock painting.
“This is a disaster,” Y/N said, though she couldn’t stop laughing.
“The best kind of disaster,” Oscar said, his tone warm. “Seriously, who cares what it looks like? We’re having fun, right?”
Y/N looked at him, her laughter fading into a softer smile. “Yeah, we are. Thanks, Oscar. You’re a really good friend.”
His expression shifted slightly, like he wanted to say something more, but the moment was interrupted by Caroline sauntering past with her flawless gingerbread mansion.
“Oh, Y/N, it’s so cute that you’re trying. It’s all about having fun, right?”
Y/N forced a tight smile as Caroline walked away. “I hate her.”
“Hey,” Oscar said, nudging her gently. “Forget her. Look at what we made. It’s got… personality.”
Her smile returned, though it wavered slightly as she glanced at the crumbled mess of icing and gingerbread. “Personality is one way to put it.”
Noticing the flicker of disappointment in her eyes, Oscar leaned in, his voice lower and more earnest. “Hey, don’t let her get to you. She’s not worth it.”
Y/N gave a half-hearted shrug. “Easier said than done.”
Oscar studied her for a moment before straightening. “Come on. Let’s get out of here for a bit. Fresh air might help.”
The chill of the night air was sharp against Y/N’s cheeks as she and Oscar wandered the grounds of the McLaren Technology Centre. The party noise had faded into the background, leaving only the quiet sounds of leaves crunching beneath their shoes and the soft rustle of wind against the nearby trees. Y/N hugged her arms around herself, her thoughts drifting as she glanced over at Oscar. He had his hands stuffed in his pockets, his posture relaxed but his gaze attentive.
Oscar broke the silence first, his voice warm and conversational. “You’ve been quiet. What’s on your mind?”
Y/N smiled faintly. “Just… everything. The party, the season, life. It’s been a crazy year.”
“Tell me about it.” He shot her a small grin. “But hey, at least we’ve survived.”
She laughed. “Barely. Some days I wasn’t sure I would. Between the endless PR work and trying to keep up with you drivers, it’s a miracle I’m still standing.”
“Oh, come on,” he teased. “You love it. Admit it.”
“I do,” she admitted, her tone softening. “It’s exhausting, but it’s worth it. Especially when I get to see moments like tonight. You guys deserve it, you know?”
Oscar’s smile turned bashful. “Thanks. It still feels a bit surreal. I keep thinking I’ll wake up tomorrow and it’ll all be a dream.”
“If it is, it’s a pretty damn good one,” she said.
They fell into a comfortable rhythm, their conversation meandering from the highs and lows of the season to lighter topics. Y/N found herself laughing more than she had all night, her usual guardedness slipping away in his presence. It was easy to talk to Oscar, too easy, and she felt a familiar flutter in her chest every time he smiled at her.
Snow began to fall, light and gentle, dusting their hair and coats. Y/N’s eyes lit up as she stopped in her tracks, tilting her face upward. “It’s snowing!”
Oscar chuckled, watching as she spun in place, arms outstretched like a child. Her laughter rang out, clear and bright, and he couldn’t help but smile at the sight. She was beautiful, her joy infectious, and for a moment, he forgot about the cold entirely.
“You’re going to freeze,” he called out, amusement lacing his tone.
“I don’t care!” she replied, still twirling. “Look at how perfect it is. It’s like something out of a Christmas movie.”
Her spinning slowed as she stumbled slightly, and Oscar stepped forward instinctively, steadying her with his hands on her arms. She looked up at him, her breath visible in the cold air, and suddenly the world seemed to shrink around them. The snow fell quietly, the moment suspended in time as their eyes met.
“You’re shivering,” he said softly. Without waiting for a reply, he slipped off his suit jacket and draped it over her shoulders. His hands lingered for a second, his touch warm against the cold fabric.
“Thank you,” she murmured, her voice barely above a whisper. Her heart raced as she stared at him, the closeness between them making her acutely aware of every small detail—the flecks of gold in his eyes, the way his breath hitched slightly as their gazes locked.
Her mind raced, a chaotic swirl of emotions. She’d always felt something for Oscar, but she’d buried it under layers of professionalism and self-doubt. Now, standing here with him, she couldn’t deny it any longer. She liked him. She more than liked him. And judging by the way he was looking at her, the feeling might just be mutual.
Before she could overthink it, Oscar leaned in. The kiss was sudden, catching her completely off guard, but she melted into it almost instantly. His lips were soft, warm against the chill of the night, and the world seemed to blur at the edges as her heart pounded in her chest.
When they broke apart, her breath came in shallow gasps. “Oscar…” she began, her voice shaky.
“I’m sorry,” he said quickly, stepping back slightly. “I shouldn’t have—”
“No,” she interrupted, reaching out to grab his hand. “Don’t apologize. I… I’ve been wanting to do that for ages.”
His eyes widened in surprise. “You have?”
She nodded, a small smile tugging at her lips. “Yeah. I just didn’t think you…”
“Are you kidding?” he said, his voice tinged with disbelief. “Y/N, I’ve liked you since the day we met. I just didn’t want to mess things up.”
Her heart swelled at his words, and she felt a giddy rush of joy that made her want to laugh and cry all at once. “You’re an idiot, you know that?” she said, her tone playful.
“Yeah,” he admitted with a sheepish grin. “But I’m your idiot, if you’ll have me that is.”
She didn’t reply with words. Instead, she pulled him into another kiss, this one deeper and more urgent. His hands found her waist as hers tangled in his hair, the world around them fading into insignificance. She pressed against him, her back meeting the rough bark of a nearby tree as their kisses grew more heated.
When they finally broke apart, both of them were breathless, their faces flushed despite the cold. Oscar rested his forehead against hers, his hands still on her waist.
“So,” he said, his voice low and teasing, “do you want to head back to the party, or…?”
She hesitated, a playful smirk tugging at her lips. “But this is your celebration party. Everyone’s here for you.”
He grinned, his eyes sparkling. “I’d rather celebrate in a different way.”
She stared at him, half in shock and half in amusement, before bursting into laughter. “Oscar Piastri, I didn’t know you had game.”
He laughed with her, his hand slipping into hers. “Come on,” he said, tugging her gently toward the parking lot. “Let’s get out of here.”
As they walked away, hand in hand, the snow continued to fall, blanketing the world in quiet magic. For the first time that night, Y/N felt like she was exactly where she was meant to be.
#oscar piastri x reader#oscar piastri fanfic#oscar piastri x you#oscar piastri imagine#oscar piastri x y/n#op81 x reader#op81 x you#op81 x y/n#f1 x reader#f1 x female reader#f1 x y/n#f1 x you#f1 fanfic#f1 imagine#f1 fic#formula one x reader#formula one x y/n#formula one x you#f1 x oc#formula 1 x you#formula 1 x reader#formula 1 imagine#formula 1 fic#formula 1 social media au#formula one smau#formula 1 x y/n#formula 1 x oc#f1 smau#formula 1 x female reader#formula 1 smau
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First of all, Merry Christmas
If you're finding this comment on the 25th… man we need friends lol
Second, if you're going to be annoying, don't bother yourself. Just move on, this is not for you.
Well, a month has passed since the end of Arcane and even though I haven't posted anything, I'm always here following some incredible analyses. And during all this time as a Caitvi shipper (long before the series was announced) I've seen everything in just one month
stan Jinx (sorry if you're a decent stan jinx, the ones I've met have serious problems), anti-caitvi, moral police, "arcane critical", vi hater, caitlyn hater, incel, misogynists, harassers, lesbophobes, people who go to the ship's tags to talk shit
And now I started thinking and finally came to the conclusion that… I don't FUCKING care about your opinion. I'm tired of stressing myself out because of misinterpretations. I'm going to have fun, there are fanarts, fanfics and people who love this ship as much as I do. If you couldn't feel the same way I did watching this couple's story, I'm really sorry, because I loved this experience with all my soul. I'm not going to ruin the affection and how special these two are to me just because you didn't like or didn't understand what the writers did to them
I have my own complaints about some of the choices the writers made with them, but nothing that would ruin my experience
To the couple's lovers, a piece of advice: don't pay attention to these people. They won't change the way they think and your argument doesn't mean anything to them, it will only make them think they are right. It's not worth damaging your mental health
So if you're one of those crazy lovers who just wants to freak out and have fun with hc, theories or just finding details, I'd love to freak out with you. Don't be shy, I promise I'm just a little weird
(english is not my native language, so I apologize if any words seem confusing)
#caitvi#violyn#piltover's finest#caitlyn kiramman#vi arcane#vi x caitlyn#caitlyn arcane#anti caitvi don't find this post please#I can't stand you anymore#This fandom is awful and I just want to have fun#haters this is not a safe space for you
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so now that veilguard is out and digested, what would you say the best place for a complete newcomer to get into dragon age is? does origins still hold up as a fun opening game fifteen years later?
Dear listener my advice is to play Veilguard before the first 3 installments. I genuinely believe that it would be enjoyed more if you don't know what has been lost/what has been taken from you cut beforehand. The only thing from the first 3 installments that matter in Veilguard is one possible choice your Inquisitor makes, romancing Solas (If you don't have a previous inquisitor I highly recommend making her a Lavellan who was/is in love with him in Veilguard's cc, they have a beautiful story)
While Veilguard is a good RPG, it is not a good Dragon Age game. If you know what shoulders it's standing on, the luster will wear off very quickly. I love it for what it is and I will mourn it for what it is not - and that's okay in a sad, almost bitter way. Inquisition was game of the year for a reason and subsequently Veilguard wasn't mentioned at all for another
On the flip side though (and please keep in mind I'm saying this as someone who played origins in 2009) Origins, Awakening, 2, Inquisition, and most of their DLC's are a branching, beautiful story that will leave a permanent mark on your heart And you can choose what those marks are because your actions in origins ripple out into Inquisition (some more so than others). It will echo out through any other media you love in the future and depending on how old you are it will rewire bits of your brain because let me tell you playing Inquisition at 15 did something to me. Yes, the combat mechanics aren't the greatest in Origins and 2 is a little annoying to play on PC but their stories are wonderful...
What is it like to be thrust into a position of importance and did it stem from choice or survival? Is conscription liberating or a chain of resentment? What is it like to lose your home only to slowly build another that you love and cherish just to watch it crumble away? To know that no matter what you do, it was for nothing? What does it mean when you are suddenly a beacon of hope for a people that possibly are not even your own? What does it feel like to be held in such a regard that you are seen as the voice of a god and no longer a person? Are you afraid that your name will be erased - your culture will be erased, and you will just remain your title just like the one that came before you?
If you have no prior experience with Dragon Age play Veilguard first. That way you won't be upset about what has happened to [redacted's] character or the fact that tranquility is never mentioned and several other things that I don't need to go into here. But without playing the others first, you won't understand the severity of the Blight, your tether Varric won't be as strong, the injustice done to the elves and dalish will go unnoticed. You won't know what it means to be a mage in southern Thedas. You won't know what it means to be castless or saarebas, you won't know what vallaslin is.
If Veilguard is the first experience you have with Dragon Age then you won't know the teeth the series used to have, you'll only have what they're passing off as a growl and you'll be satisfied with that
#sorry if this is too long of an answer I typed it out while staring at the ocean in the rain#asks for bee#dragon age#when Veilguard hits the mark it fuckin hits it but when it misses? woof
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You know what makes little sense? I love the idea of alternate universes, so I have a real fondness for the what if comics. I also have yet to read a single what if I liked, or even read a synopsis of one I liked. Same with the marvel tv show, I only watched the first three episodes of season one because I didn’t care about the other premises, and the first two did not click, while the third was good but was resolved poorly later in the season. (Where the frick did the Chitauri come from? Loki’s occupation force was made of Asgardians) There are a few from season two I meant to see, such as the 80s Avengers team, but I just haven’t been able to bring myself to watch it. And the what if novels that came out recently just don’t grab me.
The classic what if that came closest to clicking with me is the one where Steve Rogets was unfrozen decades later and in the meantime the fifties Cap pushed America further into authoritarianism. It’s well done and very relevant, but it’s a struggle to read because of how dark and “real” it is. It’s just “oof.”
It’s just funny that I like the genre and the concept of what if, but don’t actually like any of the specific ones. The recent mini series were particularly unappealing to me, the first was just “what if some decades old marvel arcs went in a darker direction,” so it’s not exactly relevant to me as a reader who started in the 2010s, and based on the issue I read the scenarios are just overwhelmingly grim. Meanwhile the second most recent mini was just “what if *popular marvel superhero* became Venom instead of Brock,” and the third is coming out now and my suspicions is it’s just “what if Galactus made *popular marvel superhero* his Herald.” Those last two minis feel especially lacking in depth. Their premise is just “what if big IP was a different IP.” And maybe I am unfair, I didn’t read either mini, but the core concept utterly failed to grab me.
Again, I think what ifs are interested, but like no canon ones interest me. Maybe it’s because I started out reading Avengers Academy, I now get drawn to “unimportant” characters, and they aren’t the ones who get to star in what ifs.
And then you get the Spiderverse and Venomverse anthologies which sometimes have actually compelling premises (makes sense, anthologies are always going to have some hits) but they only are setups to big events where the multiverses is threatened and those new versions of characters are almost guaranteed to get murdered. It’s like, I just want a fun little what if anthology where the fate of reality is not at stake, and instead the books discuss “what if this character’s life went differently?”
Like “what if Finesse, Mettle, and Haxmat did sacrifice themselves to take out two of the Worthy,” or “what if Laura and Jeanne’s falling out got more violent?” Again with the Avengers Academy
Anyway it’s just funny that I allegedly like what ifs, but I only like them in theory not in practice.
@thefingerfuckingfemalefury @nitpickrider @majingojira @akirakan how about y’all? Read any what ifs that clicked with you?
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Sorry, I'm in the mood for a bit of an argument. Consider this simply a discussion on specific topics.
1. Heatwave, Boulder - ok. But Blades and Chase? Even though Blades was given a dark-skinned human holoform, we can still think that he got what he could have gotten without adjustment. It's like being a green-skinned zombie for Halloween, just because it's easy to do. But what about the metal on Chase and Blades' faces? It's white. I think people are following the same logic when they draw Heatwave and Boulder as dark-skinned.
2. In principle, I agree. AI Morocco is already some kind of interpretation from the villains from slightly older films. I think it could be the concept of HYDRA from Captain America. The old villain has risen with renewed vigor and all that.
3. I totally agree. Personally, I see Heatwave and Blades' relationship as being similar to Raphael and Michelangelo from TMNT. Blades is just having fun, and Heatwave has to watch so that this miracle doesn’t break anything.
4. I basically only visit AO3 when necessary, when I have nothing else to read on Ficbook. I think that this is true, it is noticeable even in the arts of some artists.
5. Nobody's perfect, but how could Charlie have known that in the old mine he and Chase would fall through the floor?
Charlie has been raising children on his own for many years (which already makes him better than many fathers in our world), and as a parent, he cannot allow his child to go with them to a dangerous place because he is worried.
Blades and Dany's bucket claw is a really good thing and I'm glad they were able to help others. But let's face it. Even if they are lifesavers, it's not worth putting everyone else out of work. Even if Cade still acts like he's the most important person. The problem with this series is that it's literally like My Little Pony. They make mistakes and learn from them.
Charlie shouldn't make mistakes, but he's still a normal person. «Errare humanum est».
6. I absolutely agree.
Yes, I can sometimes find fault with others for no reason, but I only act in my own interests. 🤷
Update: Damn, I missed the original take when I wrote this. 🤦
I've made a post like this some time ago on twitter but decided to take it here
We listen and we don't judge: transformers rescue bots edition
Mine is that graham burns is super hot and sexy and that he should marry me 😁😁
#rescue bots#charlie burns#tfrb heatwave#tfrb chase#tfrb blades#tfrb boulder#dani burns#kade burns#graham burns
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A LOOK AT STYLE'S JOURNEY | Ep 5
(Overview | Ep1+2 | Ep3 | Ep4)
Airenyah is back, bringing you even more rambles about Style Sattawat Chayakorn than ever before. This meta series might just end up becoming my magnum opus.
Alright, here we go. So, in episode 3 we saw Style starting to develop positive feelings for Fadel. He tries to bond with Fadel, tries to engage him in amiable conversations, and also starts to get suspicious of as well as curious about Fadel and his life and develops an interest in learning more about this man and all he's made up of, an interest that is entirely separately from Kant's mission and the deal with the car.
In episode 4 this trend continues and we follow Style as these positive feelings slowly develop into actual, genuine romantic feelings. Style goes from simply just liking Fadel to like liking Fadel.
Now in episode 5 we get to watch Style slowly, yet rapidly fall in love with Fadel as he grapples with the fact that the man he's falling in love with regularly kills people.
And ohhhh boy, what a ride it is. I've written over 12k words for this meta and yet I still feel like there are so many aspects that I still didn't manage to get into or that I only barely scratched the surface of. Not to mention that there are some scenes (especially the first sauna scene) where I feel like every time I watch it, every time I replay the scene I'm getting something else out of it. I swear, the amount of times I've written and rewritten whole sections... No, truly, at this point I feel like I hate more or less everything that I wrote. I apologize in advance for the mess you are about to read. And let me tell you, no matter how detailed you think this meta is? It in no way reflects all my thoughts and feelings that I have about this episode and about my boy Style Sattawat.
Either way, enjoy!
Pronoun Situation: Just assume Fadel and Style use the rude guu/mueng pronouns with each other unless I explicitly state otherwise.
To recap: Style has started to develop genuine feelings for Fadel and is over the moon that Fadel actually agreed to be his boyfriend. His joy is soon punched out of him as he learns of Fadel's real profession. Style unexpectedly meets Fadel at the gym and runs off in a panic, unable to deal with the situation and absolutely terrified.
No. 1: Sauna The Sequel
Let me just say straight away that I'm gonna be looking at this scene running on the assumption that this is happening on the same day as when Style ran away from Fadel at the work-out bench last episode, because Fadel says: "You seem strange today." If the scene from last episode had happened on a different day, I think he would have said "recently" or "these days" or something along those lines instead. Anyway, let's start.
They're at the gym and apparently they both like going to the sauna after a good work-out, because just like in episode 2 they have their next run-in in the sauna after parting at the weightlifting bench. This time it's Style, though, who arrives at the sauna first and he sits there, still in distress, but already a lot calmer than he was at the work-out bench.
When I first watched this scene I was thinking to myself how fun it was to watch Style be very scared of Fadel after we got multiple explicit references of Style decidedly not being scared of Fadel. Now on second look, though, I don't think he's actually as scared as I had first thought. In their last scene together, the scene by the work-out bench, yeah, Style was absolutely terrified and fighting for his life. But instead of a ruthless killer, Style experienced kindness and care, experienced Fadel being a sweet boyfriend. Unable to reconcile these two conflicting perspectives on Fadel, Style made an escape. Now he's sitting in the sauna contemplating everything, trying to figure out how to deal with and/or get out of this mess. Fadel enters the sauna and while Style still looks a little surprised and startled, it doesn't put him into a panic again. As has been pointed out by @secriden and I have also already discussed in my ep4 meta, in episode 4 Style went to the gym during day time, likely in order to avoid Fadel who explicitly mentioned in episode 2 that he prefers to go to the gym at night. But then Fadel shows up anyway and Style, who hadn't been expecting that and as a result hadn't been mentally prepared for a run-in with Fadel, panics completely. Now, however, sitting in the sauna he is well aware that Fadel is around. This might also be a reason as to why Style's heart isn't stopping the way it did back at the work-out bench.
Fadel sits down next to Style and Style moves away, putting more distance between them. What's funny, though, is that despite Style's apparent discomfort at touching Fadel or being anywhere close to him, he still keeps his hand near Fadel, touching him anyway.
[pls scroll back up to the title pic if you wanna see it, i've reached image limit 😭😭😭]
Now we could call that unclean acting, because if Style really is that uncomfortable with the thought of being close to or touching Fadel aka a Known Killer, then he should be making sure to keep each and every single body part away from Fadel, including his hands. Meaning, he should really be yanking that hand away from Fadel. Or what we could do instead, what's even more fun actually, is that we could interpret this as Style not actually being that uncomfortable with the thought of touching Fadel despite his rational mind telling him he should be. His rational mind might be telling him that he should keep his distance from Fadel if he wants to stay alive, but his hand betrays him, exposes his true desire of wanting Fadel anyway. Style is conflicted, but he is not disgusted by Fadel and now after Fadel has been nothing but a sweet boyfriend to him and Style has calmed down a bit from his earlier panic, he also no longer feels as threatened by Fadel's presence and his touch.
Style is still extremely nervous, though, because the knowledge of Fadel killing people is still at the forefront of his mind, but Fadel's presence and Fadel himself don't terrify him as much anymore. This emotional change also shows in his voice: Earlier at the work-out bench he was hesitating to answer every time Fadel said something to him only to hurriedly blurt out his replies a moment later. Now in the sauna, while Style still hesitates and blurts out his answers, they're not as rushed anymore and he's also more talkative again, engages in the conversation more than he did earlier. What's more, at the work-out bench Style barely dared to look at Fadel and when he did look at him, he only threw quick glances at him before turning his eyes away again. In the sauna Style starts out avoiding eye contact with Fadel at first, but as soon as Fadel opens the conversation, Style can (mostly) look him in the eye again.
Fadel calls out Style's uncharacteristic behavior and Style quickly comes up with excuses. Unlike back at the work-out bench, where his voice was full of panic and terror, he now sounds more appeasing, in an attempt to calm Fadel's worries and suspicions. There is a lot of awkwardness when Style claims "I’m fine. I’m just not used to this", there's even a sort of urgency to it like please believe me, please believe me, please stop asking. Fadel stares at him skeptically, so Style elaborates: "It’s usually me running after you, but now you’re with me."
By the way, since I know so many people are liking the Thai language tidbits, this line here:
It’s usually me running after you, but now you’re with me.
More literally is:
Usually I'm after you, but now you're after me. ปกติกูก็ตามมึงแล้วมึงตามกูบ้างแล้วอ่ะ [bpòk-gà-dtì - guu - gôr - dtaam - mueng - láew - mueng - dtaam - guu - bâang - láew - àh] usually - I - follow - you - and - you - follow - I/me - some - already - [particle]
Style actually manages to find his sincerity for this specific lie, but Fadel is already onto him and asks if Style has suddenly changed his mind after all. Style looks away awkwardly, but also lost in thought a little as he thinks about how this is exactly what happened after he found out the truth. It's not like he can just say this, though. Imagine that. Sorry, I don't want you as my boyfriend after all because I don't feel comfortable dating someone who could potentially murder me. And as I mentioned in my ep4 meta, I do think Style is lowkey terrified that Fadel will kill him if Style breaks up with him right after Fadel finally started opening up to him which he knows was a big step for Fadel. But then Fadel says "I don’t mind [breaking up], you know? I don’t like you that much. I’ll get over it." Style looks away, sighs and gets lost in thought. It's a messy situation to be in, even if Fadel won't immediately be killing him over a break-up after all.
When Style fails to answer Fadel stands up in order to leave. This brings life back to Style and he hurriedly holds Fadel back, asking him to wait with the most puppy eyes:
Yeah, I just had to spend one of the only 30 images per post on the puppy eyes, I mean just look at him!!
Anyway, Style looks at Fadel with puppy eyes, and there is so much uncertainty and hesitation and doubt in them. There is also fear, but to me it doesn't look like he's afraid of Fadel specifically, it looks more like he's anxious and worried about the whole situation in general. It looks like Style wants something, but hasn't quite figured out what exactly it is that he wants. He is feeling many emotions at once, has many conflicting feelings at once. When Fadel asks Style if he's sure, I'm struggling so hard to pinpoint/name the many different emotions that Style is feeling in that moment. All I can think of looking at Style's face is: help.
The boy is overwhelmed. He wants to be far away from Fadel, but he also doesn't want him to leave, wants to dump him, but he can't and also kind of maybe deep down perhaps doesn't even really want to, has something on his mind that desperately wants out, but that he must keep inside under any circumstance.
Fadel asks Style if he's intimidated by him and I just wish the English subs had kept the word "scared" just like the Thai lines kept the word กลัว [gluua], because it's such a nice callback to episode 4 where Style enters the greenhouse, yelling "You think I'm scared of you?" (or "But I ain't scared of you!", as the English subs put it). Now Style is getting thrown that question right back at himself. Style has proven time and time again that he isn't scared of Fadel, but this time when he says "I'm not scared of you" it's a lie. Fadel skeptically raises an eyebrow at him. Style comes up with another excuse. "I just can’t believe my persistence actually worked." It definitely is an excuse, but I think that Style is telling the truth here, that he really is surprised that he managed to actually get Fadel to open up to him. I think he truly wasn't expecting it. Now there is also little bit of amusement as he finishes the sentence. As much as he does not want to be around a killer, it doesn't change the fact that he really did enjoy getting on Fadel's nerves. But that little smile fades very quickly as he looks at Fadel in anxious anticipation. And Fadel? Fadel goes with it and throws him a challenge. Style's persistence didn't work. They're on trial. Style still has to put more effort in. Style raises his eyebrows at Fadel like Bitch what did you just say to me????
Fadel did it. He's awakened Style's competitive side. Style completely forgets any qualms he initially had about getting close to Fadel and starts getting handsy with him. But Fadel interrupts Style's seduction and asks to go to Style's garage. However, Style hasn't forgotten about Fadel's secret job enough to happily welcome him home, so he declines. He's definitely horny now, though, and suggests staying in the sauna instead to do the deed and get it over with. As I said in my ep4 meta, Style only gets handsy with Fadel when he's genuinely trying to get into Fadel's pants or under his towel. This is why I think that despite Style's initial apprehensions surrounding Fadel and his secret job, Style absolutely would have hooked-up with Fadel right there and then if Fadel had let him. But Fadel doesn't, he insists on going to the garage instead. Fadel's secret job is fully back on Style's mind again. Style sits back again, sighing as he tenses up again a little. He's clearly not as uncomfortable and nervous around Fadel anymore as he was at the beginning of the scene, but he certainly doesn't feel great about letting a killer into his home. He throws Fadel a look, and I do think Style is a little scared again, but I feel like Style is less scared of Fadel himself and more scared about what might happen if he lets a hitman in, scared not just of what might happen to himself but scared of potentially also putting his dad in danger or giving away any information that could be useful to Fadel in the future in case Fadel does decide to murder him if Style gets too annoying or if Fadel finds out all the secrets Style's been keeping.
Now, guys, let me tell you I spent a whole day writing and thinking about this scene and honestly, I struggled sooo so much. Even as I've finished writing this part I'm still not happy at all with what I put down. There is just so much going on inside of Style and it turned out to be extremely difficult to name and to pinpoint every single emotion because I felt like any time I replayed a shot I was seeing a new aspect and there were so many times where I was feeling an emotion but I just couldn't find the right word to describe it no matter how much I clicked my way through different words and synonyms on Google. But maybe that's kind of the point. Style is feeling many different things, a lot of the emotions that are also contradicting each other, his rational mind is fighting against his heart and it's all so overwhelming in a way you can't really put into words.
No. 2: Date Night
They're on their little go-kart date and Style is having so much fun that he's completely forgotten to be uncomfortable around Fadel, laughing the brightest laughter as he zooms around the track with Fadel. Ever since Style found out that Fadel kills people professionally, Fadel has never once made him feel threatened and unsafe in his actions apart from what was in Style's head at the time. Fadel isn't a ruthless murderer, not to him, not towards Style, and it has Style relax again, has him laugh without any apprehensions. Style is finally able to let go of his worries again and to simply just enjoy the time with his new boyfriend.
A little language note here, this:
It’s just a fluke.
More literally is:
You beat me just this one time. ชนะกูแค่ครั้งเดียวเนี่ย [chá-ná - guu - kaê - kráng - diiao - nîia] beat, defeat - I/me - just, only - time - only, sole - [particle]
Style has let down his defenses so much that he immediately engages in a personal conversation when Fadel starts asking questions and shares without any hesitations. Both we, the audience, as well as Fadel learn that Style lost his mother. This makes me especially happy, because I wrote this in my ep3 meta about the conversation when Fadel drags Style into the storage room:
I do think there's some truth to it when Style says "I have my own problems. You’re not the only one" but whatever problems in life Style currently has (especially if there's anything connected to loss and grief), these problem's really aren't at the forefront of his mind right now.
I had a feeling these lines would come back and that they might be connected to loss, since that's the theme of the support group and at the time of writing I even contemplated the fact there might even be something in Style's past. I almost added a little sentence or two about how if Style also lost someone it has probably been long enough since then that now he's able to be unserious at a group meeting for grief without thinking about it even for a second.
Style brags about winning a competition and Fadel says he knows. The pleased smile is wiped off of Style's face as he suddenly remembers Fadel's real job. Style is starting to feel a little threatened again, a little scared. When he asks "How'd you know that?" it's almost an attack. Fadel shouldn't know this. Why does he know this? Did he do some snooping around? Why would Fadel need to snoop around? Is Style the next target? Does Fadel have a reason to kill him? But Fadel explains he saw it online. Yeah, okay. That makes sense in this day and age. Style lets it go but is still on guard. He doesn't quite trust Fadel.
Fadel continues asking questions. "You said you liked me from the moment you saw me. What did you like about me?" But the thing is, that was a lie. Style did not, in fact, like Fadel from the first time they met. He needs to come up with a believable reason. "I liked the feeling of chasing after you." I do think he genuinely did have fun chasing Fadel, bugging him, which is why he manages to say it with enough sincerity for Fadel to believe it. Style can't fool me, though, because while his words aren't exactly performative like other times when he's being insincere (as discussed in my ep4 meta), his demeanor is still a bit too "loud" for me to fully believe it. Just that one sentence, though, because I absolutely do believe him when he says he likes to win. We literally just saw his behavior when he won their race. Or back in the sauna when he immediately tried to seduce Fadel after Fadel reminded him that they were on trial. Besides, Style likes attention and I'm sure coming out first place in a competition gives him plenty of attention. And as he says, it gives him adrenaline so he's also just having plain fun with it. Fadel is amused and asks "So you only hit on me for the thrill of it?" Style feels called out, because he did hit on Fadel for ulterior motives. Style can't exactly admit that, though, so he quickly deflects: "It's not like that. I like how you look, too." Style then lists more reasons why he's interested in Fadel and I think that what he says next is 100% true: "I like that you’re so different from me. It’s an opportunity to learn, and it’s an experience, you know?" I think this is something he started appreciating about Fadel at the latest over the course of episode 3 where he started to get more interested about Fadel and his lore.
One thing I want to point out: There is less space between them by the end of the scene than there was by the end of the scene. They got closer throughout the scene, not just in the literal sense as in closer with their bodies but also figuratively they got closer in their relationship. It's as Style said: they can get to know each other when they are boyfriends. And getting to know each other is exactly what they're doing here, and they will get to know each other even more as the episode progresses.
Style might be a competitive guy, but the thing is, so is Fadel. Which we, of course, are already well aware of. After all, we did just watch these two have stand-offs with neither of them willing to back down for 4 episodes straight gay. But Fadel lets him know anyway: "The game isn’t over. A guy like me doesn’t know how to accept defeat." It's a threat, but not a dangerous one, no, it's more of a flirty challenge. At the same time, Fadel is being 100% serious when he warns that he won't accept defeat. It's like he's saying No matter how hard you try to fully win me over, I'll never open up to you completely. They'll come back to this topic again later in the episode, when Fadel tells Style he's at 80%.
Fadel drives off and Style watches him pensively. I think by now he's really lost his (immediate) fear about Fadel working as a hitman. I find his expression in this shot here especially interesting:
He look sad more than anything. He was already starting to like Fadel in the previous episode (here are the receipts), but now that he's starting to spend more time with Fadel where Fadel is not just constantly pushing him away and putting him down but is actively engaging with him and they're having serious conversations, now Style is really starting to like him. But unfortunately the situation had to get super messed up and there doesn't seem a way to get out of it that doesn't end in hurt or pain. And unfortunately, he can't exactly talk about his problems with his new boyfriend either. But the show must go on. Life must go on. Because life never stops. So Style gets on his feet, hypes himself up a little, and gets into his go-kart to follow Fadel.
No. 3: Choices Were Made
Where earlier in the sauna Style tensed up at the thought of taking Fadel to his place, after their happy little go-kart date all those fears and worries that Style had had initially went right out of the window. Fadel has been nothing but nice and sweet to him and Style has by now realized he's got nothing to be afraid of. Fadel is not a danger to him specifically (yet?).
Fadel starts asking more questions and we, together with Fadel learn more about Style's relationship with his dad. We also learn that Style likes to choose his own partners himself. This is in line with what I said in my ep3 meta:
For Style, sex isn't just sex and I think as impulsive as he can be he still makes very deliberate decisions about who he actually sleeps with.
Now I'm thinking this extends to who he actually dates, too. Style wants to make the choice of who he is with himself. Which is kinda ironic, considering he himself didn't actually choose Fadel. Unless you count Style's choice to agree to Kant's deal. But Fadel has no idea about any of this. So he walks up to Style, hugs him and asks "And you chose me?" Ah, well, no. Not exactly. Style doesn't answer Fadel's question but instead goes "You wanna do it here?"
Honestly, even though Style's question was probably a convenient way of getting out of having to answer Fadel's question, I think Style's had this question on his mind from the second he felt Fadel's arms around him. After all Fadel did suggest going to the garage instead when Style tried to seduce him in the sauna and I'm sure Style had a flashback to that when Fadel went and hugged him.
Pronoun side note: Fadel changes from the rude guu pronoun to the polite phom pronoun in their little role play when he says "My car broke down." They don't use any pronouns for the rest of their exchange.
Now this is the first time they're having sex as official boyfriends and while in a way the scene is similar to the scene in the storage room, it's also very different. Just like in the storage room, Fadel is the one to initiate the kissing and Fadel is the one taking off Style's shirt (or at least one layer of it, that we see). While the tempo in the storage room was fast and rushed, Fadel now takes his time and everything he does is much more deliberate. Fadel is now actively enjoying what he is doing, lets himself enjoy it. And just like in the storage room, Style lets Fadel control the situation while he waits to see where this is going (it leads to role play, apparently). And yet, Style isn't passive the way he was in the storage room, no, this time they are on a much more equal level. This time it's much more of a mutual conversation. We see this in their little role play where Style actively engages (a dialogue requires two people or else it'd be a monologue) and the way Style also initiates a kiss instead of letting Fadel do all the work himself. Style is no longer a passive part in this. He actively teases Fadel from the start by not properly kissing him back right away and also actively seeks out Fadel's vicinity and physical touch. We see it in the way he actively nuzzle's into Fadel's shoulder:
They are both enjoying this, and they are also actively letting themselves enjoy it. Together.
The lighting is also starting to change: in the storage room, everything was blue and cold. In the greenhouse, there is less light in the scene in general, and while the light that is there is still blue, the darkness gives off a feeling of protection. They can confess to their mutual budding feelings in the safety of the shadows, hidden away where no one can see them. Now in the garage, there is still so much blue going on in addition to bright white lights from inside the shelves. They are still surrounded by the cold, but they themselves are bathed in yellow and red light.
They are slowly making progress, slowly coming out of the cold, distant lighting, slowly stepping into the warmth. However, they still have a way to go.
No. 4: Sharing Is Caring
Side note, since I was just talking about the lighting: I can't help but notice how the cold white light that was inside the shelves earlier is now much less prominent right next to Fadel. Instead we get yellow and red car parts. Fadel is sitting right by the warmth (the warmth that Style was giving him in this scene, perhaps?).
Where in the go-kart date scene Fadel was the one asking all the personal questions, here in the garage it's now Style's turn. And Style finally asks about the scar and I'm glad we're starting to talk about it because I've been dying to know. Fadel says it was an accident and Style wants to know the details. Fadel says it's an occupational hazard, which, gee thanks I could have guessed as much. And I'm sure so could Style. Fadel in addition also asks why Style would want to know that and Style says "I want to know more about you." Style was already starting to care last episode, but back then what he cared about was mostly Fadel's actions and how they affected him himself and his feelings. We could even go as far back as episode 3 and say that Style was starting to get curious about Fadel and his story all the way back then, even. This time it's different, though. This time it's not that he wants to know just to satisfy his curiosity about this strange, closed-off man or because he doesn't like "being kept in the dark". This time it's not that he cares because of how Fadel and his words/actions directly affect Style himself. No, this time he genuinely wants to get to know Fadel better. He cares because he is starting to worry about him. This time it's not all about Style himself, but this time it's all about Fadel instead.
Style is starting to care, is starting to care so much about Fadel himself now. But unlike Style, Fadel doesn't voluntarily give up information about himself, which Style notes and then asks more questions: "Why do you go [to the Rise Up group]?" Fadel doesn't say a word and Style doesn't pressure him any further. He stays quiet, watches Fadel, and patiently waits for him to come to a decision. A full 10 seconds later Fadel does share: "I lost my parents." Style stares at him in shock. He hadn't been expecting that. But this is something he can relate to, even if he lost just one parent and not both of them. Style offers Fadel a metaphorical shoulder to cry on, creates a safe space for Fadel in which he invites him to share more details. Once again Style doesn't pressure Fadel, he just looks at Fadel encouragingly but leaves the choice to share entirely up to him. This time it takes Fadel 13 seconds to respond, but respond he does: "My parents were murdered."
Fun fact, Style is actually fully aware that Fadel's parents were murdered by gunshot specifically because Fadel explicitly tells him:
พ่อแม่กูโดนยิงตายเนี่ย [pôr-mâe - guu - dohn ying dtaai - niîa] parents - I/my - be shot to death - [particle]
When Style hears this he realizes two things:
Fadel has fucked up trauma.
This is a conversation he probably shouldn't have started, a topic he probably shouldn't have brought up.
The conversation took an unexpected dark turn and Style doesn't want to pressure Fadel any further, so he is quick to change the topic to something more bright. "You had any lovers before?" Love can't be too heavy of a topic, right? Right?? But we saw the flashbacks of Fadel dancing with someone in episode 3. And we heard Keen make a reference to someone important in Fadel's life who suddenly disappeared. Speaking of...
Remember how in my ep3 meta I was wondering if Style had heard that specific comment since we weren't shown the exact point of Style walking in on them? I guess now have confirmation that Style did not in fact hear that comment. Unless of course Style asked that specific question to subtly try and find out more backstory on that too (Oh god, Style, how I am begging you keep asking! I too need to know!!). Although, the way he was rushing to change the topic to something happier didn't seem like he was thinking too hard about his question. But then again, he did also tilt his head a little when Fadel said no, he doesn't have an ex, and I can't tell if Style tilts his head because he really has no idea and simply just doesn't believe that a guy like Fadel has never dated anyone or if he tilts his head because he knows Fadel is lying. Aghhh, gdi, I'm still none the wiser.
Anyway, so Fadel says no (bro. my dude. who was that man in the flashback, then 🤨) and explains "My life isn’t exactly easy. I don’t want to drag anyone along with me."
Actually, for the second sentence he really says:
And besides, I also don't want to cause trouble to anyone. แล้วอีกอย่างกูไม่อยากทำให้ใครเดือดร้อนด้วย [láew - ìig yàang - guu - mâi - yâak - tam hâi - krai - dèuuat rón - dûuay] and - one more thing - i - not - want - to cause - anyone - be in trouble - also
Style blinks. He cracks just the tiniest and briefest smile.
(In case you don't see it, here have a slowed down version of just the grin. Check the corner of his mouth: )
Hah. Got him. "Is owning a burger joint so difficult that you can’t date?"
I wasn't sure before if Style knew what he was doing when he asked the ex-lover question, but with this question now he definitely knows exactly what he's doing. Fadel comes up with a reply, but his word choice is still sus, so Style asks a follow-up question. Personally, I think that Style started asking question in the hopes of Fadel accidentally spilling the truth himself. Because if that happened, then that would be at least one secret off Style's back. He wouldn't have to pretend to Not Know and it would probably also lessen his anxieties about Fadel's occupation because at least he would also be able to openly talk about it and his fears with him. I think at this point Style has fully realized that Fadel isn't killing him any time soon, that his own life isn't in immediate danger just because he hangs out with Fadel and does things that boyfriends do with him. He is back to being as fearless as he was before The Reveal.
So Style asks a follow-up question, hoping that maybe Fadel will slip-up even more. But Fadel comes up with a bullshit story and Style just listens to it, nodding like yeah sure whatever you say baby. It quickly becomes clear to him that he won't be getting the truth out of Fadel's mouth for now. I feel like I haven't seen enough of the story yet to really confirm this for myself, but I wonder if during this conversation Style also realizes (or at least starts to suspect) that deep down Fadel isn't actually too fond of his killer job. Because when Style says "Maybe you just need to find something else to do. Do something that allows you to love without risking your loved ones." it just sounds too much like what he's ACTUALLY saying is:
Well, if you don't like being a "burger joint owner" (assassin), if being a "burger joint owner" (assassin) is making your life THAT difficult and depressing, then why don't you just quit being a "burger joint owner" (assassin) and find a new job that makes you happier and your life easier? Perhaps even a job where you don't have to worry about me your loved ones being safe?
After this deep talk where Fadel finally opens up to him about personal things, Style's panic has vanished completely. Instead, it has all been replaced with worry, worry about Fadel and his well-being specifically. And Style is also well aware of this development as we'll see later in the episode when Style tells Kant "I'm beginning to worry about him now." Style is still scared for his own life, but now it's not because he's terrified about Fadel killing him but more so because he doesn't want to become collateral damage if (when) he stays in a relationship with Fadel. I think this is another subtext of when Style says "Do something that allows you to love without risking your loved ones". He's not just making it about Fadel and his loved ones but he's also specifically referring to his own safety, too. Do something that allows you to be with me specifically where I don't have to worry about my own safety and potential death.
Style smiles innocently and cutely at Fadel (and I cry bc that exact smile is Dunk's inner Daonuea coming out) but before the conversation can go any further or they can get any cuter, Kant interrupts. Fadel is irritated and Kant's unexpected visit is an inconvenience to Style too, but Kant has some pressing matters to discuss, so they walk off to discuss them in private.
No. 5: Conflicted
Kant is in panic because Bison seems to be going ballistic on Kant's old hook-up with murder being a potential outcome. This has Style very concerned. He doesn't really care about Kant's old hook-up but he is very worried about his best friend. As much as Style likes helping people and as loyal of a friend he is, he really doesn't wanna help if helping Kant means Kant's potential death. Kant tries to talk Style into helping anyway, but Style is done: "I had nothing to do with this. You dragged me along." Style is very much not cool with having been involved in this without his consent. And now he's got another problem that makes the whole situation even more tricky for him:
By the way, I have a bad feeling about Fadel. He scares me. But I like his rough romantic side.
And at this point I really need to share Style's actual words:
And another thing, I don't know how I feel about Fadel. แล้วอีกอย่างนะกูรู้สึกยังไงกับไอ้ฟาเดลก็ไม่รู้ว่ะ [láew - ìig yàang - ná - guu - rúu-sèuk - yang-ngai - gàp - âi - Fadel - gôr - mâi - rúu - wâ] and - one more thing - [particle] - I - feel - how - with - [rude prefix] - Fadel - not - know - [particle]
He makes me feel scared. มันทำให้กูรู้สึกกลัว [man - tam hâi - guu - rúu-sèuk - gluua] he - to cause - I - feel - scared, fear
But I like his rough romantic side. แต่กูชอบมุมโรแมนติกเถื่อนๆของมันเว้ย [dtàe - guu - chôp - mum - roh-maen-dtìk - tèuuan tèuuan - kŏng man - wóiie] but - I - like - angle - romantic - rough - (of) his - [particle]
I put all of Style's lines mostly for completion, but really the language note is mostly about the very first line. Style doesn't say he has a bad feeling about Fadel, no, he says he feels conflicted about Fadel. Because on the one hand he's scared and on the other hand he really also likes him. When Style says Fadel makes him feel scared, I don't quite believe him, because apart from the sauna and that one short moment at the go-kart track absolutely nothing in his behavior has screamed I am scared, on the contrary. I think this is his rational mind telling him that logically he should be scared because Fadel fucking kills people fighting against his heart that is slowly getting to know the Fadel that's behind those thick high walls and that realizes that Fadel isn't that bad of a person after all. What's more, ever since they started dating, none of Fadel's actions or behaviors have put Style into immediate danger. In fact, Fadel has been nothing but a sweet, hot boyfriend to him. Style doesn't know how to feel about Fadel, because he's getting conflicting messages and can't figure out whether he should best follow his mind or his heart.
But Kant currently doesn't have time for Style's love life. Someone else's life is potentially at stake. So Kant responds: "This ain’t no time to confess your weird feelings." Or what he actually says is:
This is not the time to confess your love. ไม่ใช่เวลามาสารภาพรักไงล่ะ [mâi châi - weh-la - ma - săa-rá-pâap - rák - ngai - lâ] not - time - come - confess - love - [particle] - [particle]
I just wanted to note that Kant says nothing about "weird": Kant is not being judgy about Style's feelings specifically, he's only judgy about Style's sense of timing. Okay, carry on.
Anyway, Kant suggests asking Fadel for help.
No. 6: Boyfriend Card
Fadel, predictably, is not happy about this turn of events. But Style is now helping his friend after all, and so he pulls the boyfriend card: "You’re my boyfriend, you know? If you like me at all, you have to help my friend." It works. Fadel agrees to help. Kant calls him "Brother-in-Law". Style is very hyped at Kant's sass and praises him. Fadel chats with Bison on the phone and learns enough info for Kant to know exactly where Bison is at. Kant runs off. Style watches him leave wide-eyed, then turns to Fadel and excitedly goes "Wow. I hope you’re not the jealous type like your brother is." Fadel tells him "If you mean well, then you have nothing to worry about." But then he also speaks out a warning:
But if you’re just leading me on, or trying to get something out of me, you’re in for some serious bruises.
Dare I say this is foreshadowing for when Fadel finds out about the real reason why Style was hitting on him? And I have a feeling Style gets that memo too. Uncharacteristically, he stays quiet.
Pronoun side note: Kant uses the polite phom/khun pronouns for Fadel while Fadel uses the rude guu/mueng pronouns for Kant and I think that's hilarious, actually.
No. 7: Falling
Kant updates Style on the James situation but Style stays optimistic. Kant really doesn't share this view and reminds him that Bison is a hitman. Style gets stressed and also a bit irritated at Kant and shoots a reminder back: "I was sleeping with his brother last night all because you asked me to, didn’t I?" (he says, as if Kant ordered him to hook up with Fadel in the garage 🤭) Style hates that he is in this mess when he never even asked to be in this mess in the first place.
Kant says he doesn't want anyone else risking their lives (bro. maybe you should have thought of that before you got your bestie involved or at least asked him for his consent, don't you think 🤨) and that he has to get this job done. Style looks downwards, troubled and in thought. He sits down and it's time for another confession:
Come to think of it. How would I even get through this? I compromised my whole body, and if we’re being honest, I’ve already compromised half of my heart, too. I’m beginning to worry about him now.
This has Kant alarmed. "Don’t fall in love with him at all costs." But it's already too late. Style is already falling, and he's falling fast. And deep down he knows it, too.
Style points out that Kant isn't exactly doing any better either. Kant sighs and says he wants to end things quickly and then foretells what their happy ending is going to be: "Once those two get arrested, we walk free."
But Style stares gloomily into the air and gives a near invisible head shake, almost as if he disagrees with Kant's words, as if to say But that's not what MY happy ending looks like.
Then he stands up swearing and says: "Hope it ends before either one of us kicks the bucket. I shouldn’t have put my heart on the line for this." He wants to get out of that mess asap and preferably alive (and with his heart fully intact). Kant has another mission for him.
No. 8: Can I Have This Dance
Yeah no I don't have anything to say about this scene except: this is a boy in love.
And also, not to brag but @titkos--sideblog and I called the butt grab(s) before the show had even started airing, including the exact episode number (episode 4 counts too because we did get the one wide shot in the greenhouse with Fadel's hands on Style's ass!!):
Okay, no, I lied. Now that I'm done awww-ing about how fucking cute this whole scene is, I do have something to say after all:
Once again, there is not a single ounce of fear anywhere to be found in Style, no matter how stressed he gets whenever Kant brings up that Fadel and Bison are hitmen. On the contrary, Style is completely at ease. He's shamelessly teasing Fadel, shamelessly flirting with him, and also being silly without a second thought. I was actually talking to @secriden in our DMs and I just wanted to share something she said to me because she really hit the nail on the head:
[Style] makes it clear that he wants Fadel to participate and frames his case as being about his need for an "F" for his "S" so the 'embarrassing cheesiness' is all on Style's behest. When he makes Fadel dance with him, he reminds Fadel that he's already seen a far more embarrassing dance and found it incredibly hot and then starts being overthetop and ridiculous so that even if Fadel starts dancing with him its not going to be more embarrassing and silly than what Style is doing.
I absolutely agree. This whole scene is Style trying his best to get Fadel out of his shell, to get Fadel to loosen up a little. We've already seen Style attempting to do this in episode 2 when he shows up in Fadel's kitchen with an order and pretends to be a commentator on a cooking competition or in episode 3 at the heavy metal bar when he invites Fadel to dance with him, to scream and to basically let loose with him. Except back then Fadel stubbornly refused to engage. Where Style failed in episode 3, he now as Fadel's official boyfriend succeeds. This time around Fadel does dance with Style, albeit tentatively, and even ends up having a little bit of fun.
No. 9: Percentages
They're sitting at the table watching Kant and Bison be cute and Style makes a comment about how they look good together. Fadel informs him that even if he tolerates Kant now, he still doesn't trust him and Style squints his eyes a little at him in a way that I can't find the proper words to describe.
It's almost inquisitive. Style knows full well that Kant absolutely has ulterior motives, more ulterior motives even than Style himself has. Style knows full well that Fadel absolutely has legitimate reasons to distrust Kant, knows exactly that Fadel's bad feeling about Kant is entirely on point. The way Style squints at him looks as though he's curious about why Fadel doesn't trust Kant. What is Kant doing, what in Kant's behavior is giving it away that Kant's not exactly trustworthy?
Fadel elaborates that a guy like him doesn’t go trusting someone 100%. Style looks almost a little guilty when he looks down at table for a moment as he goes "Oh?" Then he asks "Not even me?" and it's just a little bit too "loud" again to be entirely genuine. Style knows exactly that he doesn't really deserve Fadel's full trust because he, too, is hiding secrets from Fadel. And I think he tries to play it off and deflect from it in an Whaaat, you don't even fully trust ME, your very own BOYFRIEND? When CLEARLY as your boyfriend I am entitled to 100% of your trust? sort of way. But Fadel didn't come to play around. He retaliates with "You’re at 80% at best." Which, by the way, in Thai goes something like:
Someone like you? Only gets 80. อย่างมึงนะได้แค่80 [yàang - mueng - ná - dâai - kâe - bpàet sìp] like - you - [particle] - receive - only - 80
Style throws him a look that again I find really hard to describe:
He looks a bit judgmental that Fadel really dared to be this harsh to his very own boyfriend, but at the same time he knows that Fadel is absolutely spot on with that judgment. And I think he is also kind of disappointed, because he does very much want those full 100%.
More serious now, Fadel continues: "I feel like you’re hiding something from me in the rest 20%". From the tone of Style's voice when he says "What are you talking about?" I feel like this isn't at all about him deflecting Fadel's completely spot on statement but more about Style complaining that Fadel won't play along properly. Style is frustrated, but almost in a pouty way. When he asks "What do I have to do to gain your complete trust?" I think it's still part of the little game that he's started, but now there is a sort of urgency to his voice that exposes him. Style needs an answer to this question, because it's important for him to get those 100%. Style really wants Fadel to be able to fully trust him. Style might still be keeping secrets from Fadel but nevertheless he wants to do everything he can to "be worthy of Fadel's trust" (words stolen from @secriden's meta), despite the lies he has to keep up for now. What's more, Style went all in the moment he and Fadel became official and the "all in" includes trust as well. It's either all or nothing for Style.
Fadel doesn't answer immediately. Similarly to their deep talk in the garage, Style patiently waits for Fadel to speak rather than to press him for an answer. And 7 seconds later Fadel drops: "It'll never happen."
So far this conversation has been mostly lighthearted but at this point the mood suddenly changes. Fadel announces there will never be a day where he'll fully trust Style and Style sighs, a little dejected.
No matter how hard Style tries, there will never be a day where he'll be able to make up for all the secrets he's been keeping and for all the lies he has to tell, all the lies he's already told, and all the lies he'll be forced to tell in the future. Because let's be real, at this point? Style is keeping up the charades mostly for the sake of Kant (and maybe a little bit for the sake of his own safety). As many people have already pointed out, Style is the type of person where what you see is what you get. And I think Style struggles with the fact that he can't be fully honest with Fadel. And he knows it's going to hurt both of them when Fadel finds out that he was right in not fully trusting Style. And there is nothing he can do about it, no matter how much he tries to be as open and transparent with Fadel as possible to soften the blow.
Fadel elaborates and as Style listens to Fadel's explanation, the good mood that was there on Style's face earlier is replaced by a very serious expression.
I think he's probably wondering where Fadel got this outlook on life from. By now Style has learned that Fadel has gone through quite some shit in his time. I think he realizes that there's a chance that Fadel's distrust in people is connected to another "My parents were shot" story or that it could also be connected to Fadel's scar. This interpretation gets pretty much confirmed at the end of the episode, when Style tells Fadel that he'll be his 100% one day and goes to kiss Fadel's scar immediately after, as if to say I know whatever scarred you took away your ability to trust people but I'll be the one to do you right.
The conversation is taking a heavy turn, but the bar is no place to discuss such topics, so Style dismisses Fadel's words and changes the topic like he did back at the garage. He invites Fadel to come on stage and sing. Fadel refuses. Style reminds him that there is absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about since there's only drunk people here, but Fadel still doesn't want to. Style pulls him on stage anyway and whipped boyfriend that he is, Fadel follows him after all and engages in the social interaction.
But then Kant gets a phone call and suddenly has to run. I absolutely cannot tell if Style is fully aware of what Kant is planning to do or not. In their last one on one scene, Kant announced that he had a plan, but didn't exactly elaborate on it, just told Style to make sure Fadel stayed by his side the entire time. Of course Kant might have told him off-screen, but there is also a chance that Style only knows as much as the audience knows. Either way, Style doesn't feel great about it. When Style asks if he should come too, his voice might just be the most serious and worried we've ever heard it throughout the series so far. But Kant refuses and runs off by himself. Fadel walks over to Bison to make a comment to him while Style stands behind them, looking worried. When he sits at the table with Fadel and Bison later waiting for Kant he is uncharacteristically quiet and still, except for that one time where he tries to get Bison to stay a little longer. But when that doesn't work he just sits there and stares at Bison wordlessly. Even Style's aura is suddenly very quiet.
Pronoun side note: When they met in episode 2, Style and Bison where using the polite khun/phom with each other. In this scene all three of them were using only the rude guu/mueng pronouns when talking to each other.
No. 10: Look They've Made It Onto A Bed
Okay, so this is gonna mess with my usual formatting of going chronologically, but please bear with me as I take a look at the actual sex before I get into the dialogue.
Everything about this is warm, so warm and soft with the red/yellow/orange tones and they've finally made it onto a bed. I've seen posts joking about getting them a bed for the sake of their backs, but I think it was a very deliberate choice that up until now they were never anywhere near a bed. Your bed is one of the most intimate places you have, it's where you sleep and are at your most vulnerable to outside danger. Up until now, Fadel and Style couldn't be on a bed yet, their relationship wasn't ready for that yet. And I think it's so significant that the first time they are sleeping with each other on an actual bed happens after Style knows the truth about Fadel. It's such a stark contrast to the beginning of the episode where Style asked to hook up in a public sauna and get it over with because he was just so very uncomfortable about bringing Fadel home. But now at the end of the episode Fadel is right here in Style's bed. Style knows the truth, knows Fadel kills people and he still brought him into his home, his own room, his very own bed. Style knows the truth and yet Style has fully let Fadel into his life. (Like, 100% you could say...)
This scene also parallels the storage room hook-up, but now the places are switched. In fact, this scene is the complete opposite of everything that happened in the storage room. Let's take a look.
As many people pointed out after episode 3, Fadel was more or less worshiping Style's body back then. Now it's Style's turn to worship Fadel's body. Back in the storage room, everything was rushed because Fadel was running on anger and sexual frustration. Style now in turn moves very slowly and everything he does, he does very deliberately and with intention. There is so much tenderness and care in every single one of Style's touches. Where the storage room sex was first and foremost led by anger, mutual annoyance, and physical attraction, instead it is now led by love and the emotional bond that they've started to build up over the episode. Actually, @secriden has written a beautiful post comparing these two scenes with each other.
If you remember, @clemelntine noted what we can learn about Style's and Fadel's desires in their respective fantasies. In my ep3 and my ep4 meta I added on to this thought and discussed at length how in Style's fantasy he barely stopped searching for eye contact and how the emotional component was very important to Style and how he was getting next to no eye contact in the storage room scene (where emotionally they weren't on the same page at all) and how he was slowly getting more of it in the greenhouse (where they were finally starting to come together emotionally). Now in Style's bed? Style finally gets what he desires. Fadel barely stops looking at him, hardly ever takes his eyes off of him. He even lifts his head to watch Style as he moves to kiss Fadel's scar or to kiss his upper body a little later on.
Of course, for Fadel specifically part of that is also because he is still on guard around Style, can't fully let go yet, can't fully trust Style yet (more on the topic of trust in a bit). Which is why it's so beautiful that when Fadel does take his eyes off of Style it's when he finally lets himself fall into it a little. Fadel may break eye contact, but it's not because he's avoiding Style's eyes and closing himself off again, no, it's because Fadel is finally starting to let go a little, is giving up just a little bit of control to Style, letting him do as he pleases the way Style has let Fadel do as he pleased back in the storage room.
I also find it interesting that there is no background music at all throughout the entire scene (that is from the moment Style takes his shirt off right at the beginning before the dialogue even starts) because it makes the scene feel even more intimate and raw, almost as if we, the audience, shouldn't even be here. In the storage room, in the woods, and in the garage, every single time there was music playing while they were going at it. This here in the bedroom is the most intimate sex they've had so far, and it is stripped bare of any background music (remember the word "bare", it will come back later). There are no distractions, that is no music to hide behind, it's just them and their feelings on full display. Here in Style's own room, Style is laying himself bare for Fadel completely and this is underlined by the lack of music. The music won't come back until the end to lead us into the end credits, and when the music does come back, it's none other than Style's, I mean Dunk's OST song for the show.
No. 11: Bare Bodies and Open Hearts
Now that we've looked at the sex itself, let's take examine the dialogue and the context in which the sex scene is happening in.
The double date night is over and I'm assuming Kant probably texted Style telling him he was all good, because considering how concerned we left Style last time we saw him, I think he would have had his mind somewhere else most of the time during this scene rather than focusing entirely on Fadel if he didn't know his best friend was safe. Anyway. I'm just gonna run with that this is what happened and that's why Style is all relaxed and without worries again.
Actually, before I get into anything else I wanna talk about these specific lines because both the English translation as well as the original Thai lines have me insane for different reasons:
F: Like I said, no one can truly lay themselves bare for someone. [...] S: Will you lay yourself bare for me?
Let's start with what has me insane about the Thai lines first. But first a little recap: In my ep3 meta and my ep4 meta I mentioned the word เปิดใจ [bpèrt jai]. If you're new here or simply just forgot, this is a word that means something like "open up to something/someone" or "giving something a chance". This word consists of the words "(to) open" (เปิด [bpèrt]) and "heart, mind" (ใจ [jai]), so literally translated it makes "to open one's heart".
Now, Style was using this word in episode 3 after Fadel presented him with a burger when he asked "Are you finally folding?" (literally: "You've opened your heart to me now, right?"). If we remember, the burger was the first time Fadel reached out to Style first and did something nice for him (unless we count Fadel dropping off the car at Style's garage in ep1, although that only came about as a consequence of the crash, or there was also that time Fadel ambushed Style in the locker room, but he didn't exactly have nice intentions about it). Anyway, that was the first time Fadel was properly connecting with Style in a friendly way and of his own accord, a significant moment.
In episode 4 we get this word again during the "be my boyfriend" conversation when Style says "I’m 100% in. It’s your turn to let me in a little bit" (literally: "I've opened my heart to you 100% already. Only you remain. How much will you open your heart to me?") Again, this is a significant moment, because right after those lines is when Fadel finally agrees to be Style's boyfriend.
And in both scenes I just really really liked the image of Fadel, who has closed off his heart so deeply and securely behind thick high walls, being asked to open up the way to his heart.
Right now you're probably assuming that in Thai they're using the word เปิดใจ [bpèrt jai] again. No. Actually, they are not. But!! They are using the word เปิด [bpèrt] and I think it works enough for a callback to that imagery and specifically to those lines from the "be my boyfriend" scene:
F: Like I said, we aren't 100% open with others. อย่างที่กูบอกอ่ะ คนเราไม่เปิดกับคนอื่น 100% หรอก [yàang - tîi - guu - bòk - àh • kon rao - mâi - bpèrt - gàp - kon èun - rói bper-sen -ròk] way - that - I - say - [particle] • people, we - not - open - with - others - 100% - [particle] [...] S: Can you open up for me? มึงเปิดให้กู้ได้มั้ยล่ะ [mueng - bpèrt - hâi - guu - dâai - mái - lâ] you - open - for - I/me - be able to - ? - [particle]
And it just makes me a little bit insane for multiple reasons: first of all, we continue with that imagery, that theme of Fadel opening up to Style. And second of all, there's also been a running theme about percentages. The theme of opening up and the theme of percentages are tightly connected:
It starts in the "be my boyfriend" scene where Style tells Fadel "I've opened my heart to you 100% already." All the doors to Style's heart are wide open for Fadel to enter as he pleases. But at the time Fadel's heart is still closed to Style. So Style tells him that it's Fadel's turn now and asks him: "How much will you open your heart to me?" How many doors to his heart will Fadel open for Style? What is the percentage of his heart that Fadel is willing to grant Style access to?
And then earlier in the scene at the bar Fadel says "Someone like you only gets 80%". Somehow this feels kind of like an answer to Style's question of "How much will you open your heart to me?" And yes, the conversation at the bar is about trust and not their hearts, but Style made it about their relationship when he asked "Not even me? (Not even your boyfriend?)" and Fadel also brings up love later when he says "No matter how much you love someone". The heart is also involved in a relationship. And what kind of relationship is it when your heart isn't fully in it or you don't fully trust your partner? And I think this is also part of the reason why it's so important for Style to reach those 100%. He wants both of them to put 100% of their hearts and 100% of their trust in this relationship. He wants this to be an equal relationship.
And here and now in the bedroom Style asks again: "Can you open up to me?" But Fadel can't just yet. Because Fadel doesn't believe he can. So Style declares: "One day, I’ll be your 100%." One day he will show Fadel that it is possible for him to trust someone completely. One day he will have 100% of Fadel's trust. One day he will have 100% of Fadel's heart. And he will get there. Because he is persistent. And because Fadel already has 100% of Style's heart and Style's trust. It's only fair for Style to get 100% in return.
So. This is the reason why the Thai lines make me feel insane. Now on to the English translation which adds additional imagery, which as a whole makes me feel even more insane.
Let me just start out with a reminder that at the bowling alley Fadel vehemently refused to wear the stupid shirt and then announced that he was taking it off as soon as they were done when he did agree to wear it after all. And now let me just point out that Fadel is still wearing that very same stupid shirt in during this scene in Style's bedroom. In fact, it's Style who loses the shirt first. Anyway.
In English Fadel says "No one can truly lay themselves bare for someone." But Style already has. For Fadel's whole entire line we linger on a shot of Style's bare body:
Fadel says "No one can truly lay themselves bare for someone" to Style who is literally bare before him. Style is living proof of the contrary of Fadel's beliefs. They continue their conversation and then Style asks "Will you lay yourself bare for me?" to Fadel, who is still fully clothed and very much not bare. And again, their conversation continues until Style declares "One day, I’ll be your 100%." And right after that Style pulls up Fadel's shirt. And how much does he pull it up?
That's right. He lays bare roughly 80% of Fadel's upper body (if we don't count the back of the shirt that didn't go up bc Joong is lying on it). He lays bare those 80% that Fadel told Style that he had. A little later Style pulls up the shirt even more for better access to the nipples but Fadel never fully loses his shirt the way Style has (who literally starts out the scene by immediately taking his shirt off, baring himself to Fadel first thing with no inhibitions). Until the end of the episode Fadel never loses the shirt 100% because he is not yet ready for that, not yet ready to lay himself bare for Style. Not yet ready for Style to uncover 100% of him. And Style respects that, no matter how much he might have complained at the bar. He never tries to remove more of the shirt than those 80% that he was granted.
Sorry. I need a moment.
Okay, now that we have this imagery and those themes out of the way, let's go through the scene the way I usually do. So this episode we started their story with Style feeling very uncomfortable at the thought of bringing Fadel, a Known Killer, to his home and we end the episode with Fadel right there in Style's room, in Style's bed. Style and Fadel have spent the entire episode sharing personal things and getting to know each other better and also on a bit of a deeper level and now that they're in private away from the others, Style opens up about something that has been on his mind all episode: "It feels so weird every time I’m with you. Sometimes you make me feel so scared, and sometimes you make me feel so safe."
Style is very much not scared of Fadel in this moment. In fact, most of his behavior and his actions surrounding Fadel this episode weren't the behavior and the actions of a scared man, especially when he was interacting with Fadel directly (apart from the very first scene in the sauna when the initial shock hadn't worn off yet). I think Style is still thinking of his mind vs. heart conflict when he says "sometimes you make me feel scared and sometimes you make me feel safe", but deep down he has already decided.
But Fadel doesn't know any of this. Fadel has no idea of the internal battle that Style has been fighting all episode, trying to reconcile the image of the ruthless killer with the man he's falling in love with. So Fadel tells him that it would be good for Style to be a little scared of him and repeats his point from back at the bar about (in)complete trust. And then he speaks out a warning: "The real me might be scarier than you think." But Style isn't scared. Because Style already knows that. Style already knows the truth.
However, Style mostly knows it in theory. He did get to see some of Fadel's real him in action when he took on 3 men by himself and also got to experience some of Fadel's violence on his own body. But the thing is, no matter how much he isn't scared of Fadel despite Knowing the Truth in theory, now matter how lowkey (highkey) hot he found Fadel take out three whole men, actually witnessing Fadel actively kill someone in practice might still be traumatizing no matter how much he thinks he is mentally prepared for it, so I do think Fadel kinda has a point with his warning. But I'm not sure Style has thought this far ahead already. I think in this episode he was mostly preoccupied with worrying about his own life, his own safety and with coming to terms that he was falling in love with a murderer in the first place.
Throughout the entire episode Fadel has never really given Style a reason to be scared of him. Instead, Fadel has spent quality time with Style, has engaged in conversation more than ever before, has asked him personal questions about his life and has even shared a little bit about his own life, which wasn't much but it was a start. They've had serious talks, sexy talks, fun talks, they were silly together and laughed together and they sat on the floor and shared pain together. Fadel didn't even get murderous over a potential break-up in the very beginning when Style was still nervous around him. Style spent the entire episode falling in love with Fadel, despite knowing about his occupation. "Can you open up for me? / Will you lay yourself bare for me?" Style responds to Fadel's warning. It's encouragement in several ways. It's encouragement for Fadel to try to learn that he can in fact trust someone (Style) 100%, that he can in fact be fully open with someone (Style). And it's encouragement for Fadel to tell Style his secret. Style needs Fadel to open up, to admit the truth himself first. Style needs it, so that they can openly talk about it without having to dance around the subject and talk in metaphors. He needs it so that there will be one less thing that he is lying about, so that he'll be one step closer to being able to be 100% honest with Fadel. And it has to be Fadel specifically who says it first so that Style can just run with it, because if Fadel finds out that Style was already in the know then both Kant and his mission as well as the 80% trust that Fadel has granted Style are on the line.
"I promise that no matter who you are, I’ll still like you." And there it is. Style's decision. His mind and his heart were fighting a battle and his heart won. Rationally he knows Fadel is dangerous and that he should stay away from him if he values his own life, but the heart wants what the heart wants. And even though it's not exactly like he can just say I know what you are and I fell in love anyway, I want to be with you despite it all, he still tries to get the message across.
Fadel doesn't believe his promise, though. "Words are cheap. I’ll do that when you’re ready. You can judge, then." Again, I think Fadel has a point. Fadel's response works whether Fadel is aware that Style knows or not. Because yes, Style may say he'll like Fadel no matter his occupation, but Style still hasn't seen the killer in action. Fadel's words mean Decide whether you still like me or not only when you find out my real occupation before you promise anything as much as they mean Decide whether you still like me or not once you've actually seen me murder someone in front of you before you promise anything. Style has already made a decision about the former, but he is yet to make a decision about the latter.
But in reality he has already made a choice and he is set on it: "One day, I’ll be your 100%." He wants Fadel's full trust and he wants Fadel's full heart. He will show Fadel that he will stay by his side and that Fadel's trust in him will be worth it. He will show Fadel that the mortifying ordeal of Being Known™ is not as scary as it seems. He means it when he says he'll like Fadel no matter what. Because now he already cares and worries about him much more deeply than he could ever have anticipated. Assassin be damned. He can get over it. And also, Fadel being dangerous is really fucking hot. "I just hope you don’t get any new scars."
I've already made a post about it, but I just want to point out: Fadel's scar is positioned right above his heart. I do very much wonder if the scar is related to the guy Fadel danced with in the flashback. Is he the reason why Fadel doesn't trust anyone 100%? Did whatever happened with that guy not just metaphorically leave a scar on Fadel's heart but also physically? Either way, we know how it's going to end:
Style's love is going to heal Fadel's scarred heart.
#if you saw this posted the other day no you didn't 😇😇😇#the heart killers#thk#fadelstyle#stylefadel#thk meta#stylefadel meta#my meta#thkmetamine#thk ep5#adrm#I MADE IT. CAN YOU BELIEVE I MADE IT *BEFORE* THE EPISODE#with only hours to go like last time but hey#it did lose me many hours of sleep in the past week tho dkfjkdfgj bc i was busy with christmas and stuff too#during the day i mean#i pulled like 3 all nighters this week to write this lmao#ALSO IDK WHEN I'LL BE ABLE TO WATCH TODAY'S EP BC I'M AT MY PARENTS HOUSE#AND I DON'T WANNA GET INTERRUPTED WHEN I WATCH IT#I MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO WATCH IT TILL LATE AT NIGHT IDK#or maybe i'll just watch it anyway and risk interruptions let's see how impatient i feel in the afternoon dkjgkdsg#fun fact i kinda wanna delete this and write it all from scratch#i have too many thoughts and i can't make up my mind rip#i just don't have the timeeee 😭😭😭#(to rewrite it all i mean after all i gotta get into ep6 dkjkdg)
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Safe Haven - Slice of Life
Series Part Listing Found Here
Hi Friends! Merry Christmas!!
As my present to you all, here's a little slice (chunk) of life of Xi and Neteyam's family life. This was originally supposed to be an Epiloguest type of chapter, but this came out instead.
Hope you enjoy!
~
Zyden shuffled around his family’s home a tad bleary eyed. After cleaning himself up, taming down his sleep twisted braids and chewing on a sprig of van’eela bark, he fixed a quick meal from his family’s stash and sat down to eat it.
“Hey, Sprout,” Neteyam greeted, walking in after a ‘graveyard shift’ of patrol duty.
Although he tried not to take up too many shifts during that hour, it was mating season for pulkatans and so it was all hands on deck for protecting the clan when they were most susceptible to threats.
“Morning, dad,” Zyden voiced, scarfing another mouthful of food in his mouth. He squinted as he chewed, watching his father shuck off his riding gear and weapons. “Mom threw up earlier- twice. I held her hair back.”
Neteyam sighed, glancing at the partition he knew his mate was behind. “Is she up?”
“No, she fell back asleep after having tea. Hys snuck in with her at some point last night. He still has that cough. Hope it’s okay that I gave him a little of the g’in root tonic mom’s been giving him.”
Ruffling his son’s hair affectionately, Neteyam pressed a kiss to the crown of his head. “Thanks for taking care of them for me.”
“Course.” Zyden sprang up to hurriedly rinse out his bowl.
“Where are you heading off to so early anyway?”
“Grandpa Jxo said L’eo and I can help him and his team with the repairs on the northern border. I wanna finally try out that old drill uncle Norm fixed up for me. L’eo’s probably already waiting for me, I said I’d meet him at his tent.”
Neteyam nodded. “Alright have fun. Remember your rules?”
Zyden rolled his eyes, cracking a smile despite his mild annoyance. “Yeesss, dad.”
“And what are they?”
“Do I really have to do this every time?”
“Sure do.”
“Ugh, dad.”
“Hey, the longer you take to say them, the longer you take to leave. Now come on, what are they?”
“Fine… Be respectful to anyone I see. Keep my wits about me. Don’t go past the boundaries without your permission and always be home by curfew. Can I go now?”
“Got your knife?”
Zyden huffed. “Dad!” He laughed. “You can clearly see it on my hip!”
“Alright, alright. Get out of here. I’ll see you later!”
He watched from the threshold as Zyden ran down the pathway until he disappeared. Only at the sound of a feminine chuckle behind him, did he turn around.
Biting down on his bottom lip and head tilting ever so slightly to the side, his eyes roamed over his wife appreciatively.
Even though it had been years, the sight of her never ceased to amaze him. She was sleep rumpled- all squinty eyes, mused hair and sleep lines from whatever pillow she’d been laying her cheek on.
“You are so beautiful,” he murmured in greeting.
Xilä’s nose wrinkled at the compliment yet she couldn’t help the fond smile that escaped her. “I’m a mess.”
He shrugged as he closed the distance between them, swooping downward to steal a kiss. “A beautiful mess then,” he teased, making her giggle happily.
“Sure,” she laughed in denial, patting his chest in thanks anyway.
“Zyden said you were sick again?”
“Mhm.” Xi sighed contentedly, leaning into her mate’s soothing touch. “I don’t remember it being this bad with either of our boys.”
Neteyam rocked them side to side slowly, one hand running up and down her spine, the other splayed on her little bump that had only begun to show.
“Maybe it’s a girl this time,” he joked.
It was an old wives tale that terrible morning sickness meant the baby would be a girl.
“Maybe,” she hummed, playing along.
“Should I brew you some tea? I made sure to get that weird coral stuff from Awa’atlu that Ronal recommended when you were pregnant with Zyden.”
Xi smiled up at him. “You spoil me, you know that?”
“Always.”
“Mama?”
They both turned at the same time to see a coughing Hysik coming towards them.
Although the little one clearly had his sights set on his mother, Neteyam scooped him up before Xi could.
“There’s, my boy.”
Hys broke out into giggles when his sides were tickled and a loud raspberry was blown into his cheek.
“Did you sleep well, my love?” Xi cooed as she brushed away askew strands of hair away from his face.
“Yep! But- but I wake up and you went gone mama. That’s not very nice,” the three year old said in all seriousness, making his parents chuckle. “I missed you when I was sleeping.”
“Aw. I’m sorry, baby.”
Xi frowned when Hysik released another wet, rattling cough. She reached up and felt his forehead, then under his neck, relieved to find him cool to the touch.
“I don’t like how long his cough is taking to dry up.”
“Me too,” Xi echoed. “I know it’s just a cold, but just to be safe I think I’ll take him to see your grandmother today.”
As his parents planned their day, Hys took the opportunity to stretch forward with intent, one tiny hand clutching the fabric of Xi’s top, little face smooshed into her neck when she settled him against her hip.
“He’s getting too big for you to carry around now. You’re not supposed to be straining yourself.”
“I know, but just let me baby him a little longer.” And for emphasis she hugged him closer and attacked his small palm with a noisy kiss.
“I- I not a baby, mama.” Hys sounded entirely offended.
Neteyam snorted and Xi pouted.
“Yes, you’re my baby.”
“No.” His head lifted and his hand patted his mama’s cheek as if trying to make her understand. “I a big boy. Like Zyden. An- and L’eo. And Js’avi. And- and-”
Neteyam pointed at himself, mouthing, “me” at his son.
“And daddy!”
~
After breakfast, Neteyam, Xilä and Hys slowly made their way through camp towards the Tsahìk’s tent.
Despite his little legs, Hysik’s fast steps zigzagged ahead of them, then fell a little behind when he got distracted by an insect at first, then an interesting rock- only to be hailed by his parents.
He waved hello to almost every person they met on the way and practiced his “good mornings,” with a confidence Xilä wished she’d had when she first arrived at Home Camp.
“Sprout’s been asking a lot of questions about our trading system lately.”
Xi grinned. “He takes after you and his grandfather for sure. I overheard him giving Jake suggestions on how to improve things.”
“They’re good too,” Neteyam said proudly. “I know he’s only ten, but dad and I were thinking of creating a little roll for him. Get him involved in the process somehow.”
“I love that. I think Zyden will too.”
“Next shipment I’ll see what I can come with then.”
“Oh…”
“What?”
“It’s just- that’s two weeks away.”
Neteyam’s brows furrowed. “Well, yeah. Why?”
“Nothing. I figured Leati or Gwuyle or even your father would be handling shipments while you were gone.” Xi nibbled on her bottom lip, glancing up to see the obvious shift in her mate’s disposition. “I take it you haven’t given any more thought about your trip then?”
Tense from subject change, Neteyam tried to keep his tail limp. It tended to give way his emotions before it could reach his face- his wife’s words, not his.
“Baby, we’ve been over this-”
“I know, I know. I’m only checking again,” Xi assured, lightly squeezing his fingers where they were linked with hers. “And you’re sure?”
Her mate didn’t answer.
“‘Teyam… I know you hate when I say it, but… it’s been years now.”
“You can come with me,” he suggested, as if he hadn’t done so many times in the last three weeks, deflecting what she was trying to get to. “You and the boys.”
“Neteyam, I don’t-”
“Gwran’mama ‘Tiri!”
Hysik squealed happily at the sight of Neytiri who lit up at the sound of her grandson’s voice. She instantly attacked him with affection the second he landed in her arms, showing him off to the Na’vi women she’d been talking to.
Xilä sighed when her husband sped up to go greet his mother.
She guessed their conversation would have to wait.
~
Hysik was a little “chatterbox” as his grandpa Jake had nicknamed him.
Throughout his entire checkup, Hys talked and talked and talked. Telling the Tsahìk every little detail of a very elaborate dream he’d had.
And of course, being a doting great-grandmother, Mo’at hung on to every word, all while she expertly handled the toddler’s squirming and fidgeting and whining when it was time for her to inspect his tail.
“Warm marllow root tea with a little raw nectar and he’ll be fine in no time,” Mo’at announced after she’d completed her checks.
“And there’s no infection?” Xi asked, letting her son crawl out her lap and boldly fling himself into his father’s instead.
“No, infection.”
“What about his lungs?” Neteyam asked this time, unfazed as Hys used him as his own personal climbing wall- little knees and elbows digging into his muscle, small feet pinching his thighs and stomach.
Cases of the purple fever had begun to pop up again, and its effects were known to have damaging effects on the lungs.
“Fine too. It’s a cold, not the purple fever, thankfully. To be safe, no school time tomorrow and I suggest you keep using the g’in root for another week.”
Xilä’s shoulders slumped in relief. Logically she knew all of this, but hearing it from Mo’at made all the difference.
“Thank you, grandmother… I swear, one would certainly think I’m no healer. But when it comes to my children, I panic and I forget everything you’ve taught me.”
Mo’at clicked her tongue in amusement. “Never mind that, dear. Our children tend to have that effect on us.”
“Gwran’mama?” Hys interrupted shyly.
He hadn’t quite gotten names down just yet, and so Sal, Neytiri and Mo’at were all called gwran’mama, while Jake and Jxo were gwran’papa.
It was honestly cute, and thankfully none of the grandparents seemed to mind his mix ups.
“Yes, my dear boy?”
“I was really good. Can I have a treat now?”
“Please,” Neteyam prompted.
Hys nodded, little palms stretching out as his tail waved excitedly. “Yes, please, gwran’mama?”
With two sweet treats secured, Hysik was quietly occupied as he sat in his father’s lap.
Mo’at decided she wanted to check over Xi as well, since she was already here- gentle hands poking and prodding the little baby bump while she asked question after question.
The Tsahìk was the only one besides their son Zyden, who officially knew they were expecting.
Xilä and Neteyam had had an extremely difficult time conceiving their Hysik. To Xi, he was their little miracle baby. She’d cried for almost two days straight out of pure joy when she found out she’d be a mother for the second time.
And so, suffice to say, this time around both she and Neteyam had been shocked- pleasantly surprised of course, that Xi’s “stomach bug” turned out to be morning sickness.
“Are you still sick in the mornings?”
“Not all the-”
“Yes she is. Every morning for the last month, and after lunch on most days too,” Neteyam answered. “She’s barely able to keep anything in her for long.”
“Hm… It’s still early, and you haven’t lost that much weight for us to be worried yet. So we’ll monitor it for now, yes? Keep drinking your soothing teas and maybe stick to fruit and well-cured meats for a few days.”
Xilä smiled gratefully when Mo’at patted her hand.
~
“Theeen, I finally hit every target at practice- even the furthest ones I could never get perfectly, and I beat Pk’osh at a wrestling match. He’s the biggest in our class and no one’s ever beaten him before- I did that new technique that grandpa Jake taught me and L’eo- you know one like-” Zyden made an exaggerated jerk to demonstrate.
“Zyden,” his mother chided from where she was hunched behind him- fingers in his hair as she braided neat plaits.
“Sorry, ma,” he apologized quickly, sitting still once more. “Oh and, dad! Our trainer said that I am seriously fierce for my age. He said that if I put in the hard work, I’d be a great warrior. I want to be perfect at all my tests though. So I have an advantage for my Iknimaya rites.”
“My love, you don’t have to worry about your Iknimaya for at least another couple of years.”
“I know, mom but it never hurts to be prepared. Right, dad?”
Sprawled out on the massive hammock in his and Xi’s room, Neteyam was all wide smiles as he listened to his son speak.
“He’s right,” Neteyam agreed as he Xi shared meaningful grins over the top of Zyden’s head.
Xilä rolled her eyes fondly. Her son sounded just like his father.
“L'eya's the best in our class with the bow, and since we started spear practice, L’eo’s been the best, but I’m definitely better at sparring and knife throwing.”
“I’m incredibly proud of you, Sprout,” Neteyam praised.
“And me!” Hysik piped in, wanting to be included. He pointed at his chest as he sat up on his knees to face his father. “I a warrior too, daddy!”
Neteyam chuckled and tickled his pudgy tummy. “I’m very proud of you too, Hys.”
The three year old beamed, awfully pleased with himself before focusing on the little carved ikran he’d been flying around. Making screeching sounds, he waved it in the air then dramatically landed it on his daddy’s propped up knee.
When Xilä finished with the final braid, she hugged Zyden round his shoulders and kissed his temple. Most days she couldn’t believe that he was almost eleven already- and almost as tall as her.
Both he and Hysik were the splitting image of Neteyam. Zyden had her eyes and more prominent pointed ears while Hys only had a mildly darker hue of her dusty blue complexion. Everything else was all his father.
Continuing to chat with Neteyam, Sprout curled up on his mother’s side of the hammock. And by the time Xi tidied away a few things, and quickly spoke with Kah’lee who’d stopped by to drop off a borrowed basket, Hys was sprawled half asleep on his daddy’s chest.
“Alright, my loves,” Xi called. “Bedtime.”
“No- no bedtime, mama,” Hys whined as he tiredly rubbed his eyes.
“Come on, Hys,” Neteyam encouraged, rubbing the little ones back. “We have to listen to your mama.”
“Dad, can you tell us a story first?”
“Sure, which one do you want to hear?”
Xi crawled in beside Zyden and Hysik instantly reached out for her. He was at that weird toddler stage where he wanted to be a “big boy” most days, but still enjoyed being babied.
Cheek settled against her chest, Xi ran her fingers through his hair. Immediately his eyelids fluttered closed and his little tail curled up contentedly.
“How about the one about mom’s Iknimaya rites,” Zyden decided, “and how she used the ul’nic that Na’raline’s sa'nok gave her?”
“Oh that’s a good one… Hmm. Alright, so first, did you know your mother was terrified of heights?”
Zyden giggled. Of course he knew, yet every time his father told this story, it still made him laugh.
Xilä smiled happily as she drank in the sight of her boys.
Nights like these, when it was just the four of them, were her favorite.
~
“So, wife. Are you going to put me to bed now?” Neteyam teased when he returned from getting the boys settled in their rooms.
Her back was turned to him as she stood rubbing oil along her stomach. “Now why does that sound so naughty, husband?”
“Cause it’s meant to be,” he murmured, pressing up against her. His lips brushed her ear while his hands went around to join hers- large palms splayed, making her little baby bump disappear.
“I still can’t believe we’re going to have another one.”
Neteyam’s chin perched on her shoulder as he caressed her bump, watching how perfect his palms fit around it. “Me neither… We’re going to be outnumbered now.”
Xi chuckled, slotting her fingers into the spaces between each of his fingers. “Don’t pretend like you don’t love it.”
“You’re right. I love it,” he admitted, nibbling a little on her jaw. “But don’t worry, baby. We’ll stick together…”
“What?” she ask when he made a thoughtful sound.
“It’s just… three is such an odd number. Don’t you think?”
“‘Teyam, this baby isn’t even born yet. Are you really advocating for a fourth right now?” Xi laughed.
He pouted against her cheek. “I’m just saying…”
This man.
“When do you think we should tell the family? Sal’s going to go crazy and Kiri will be relieved since mom’s been dropping not so subtle comments at her and Tasam.”
“Um… Maybe when you get back from your trip.”
A sigh escaped Neteyam as he stood tall again- arms falling away from her body. He tugged on her tail lightly before stepping away to fling himself into their hammock, tossing out a couple of the cushions that took up too much space.
“Baby, I’m not going on that trip.”
Xilä could tell her husband was frustrated with her and actively trying not to show it. But at this point she didn’t care. He kept brushing her off whenever she brought up the subject.
“‘Teyam, we need to talk about this. Please?”
“Come to bed, Xi. We’re just going to fight if we do this tonight.”
“Then let’s fight.”
He blinked. “You want to fight?”
“If that’s what it's going to take for us to clear this up, then yes.”
“Now?”
“No! Next year,” she snapped sarcastically. “Yes, now.”
His brows jumped at her tone, and he quickly sat up. “O-okay. Then let’s.”
Xilä approached the edge of their bed, but didn’t sit. “Jake said that this trip is a huge opportunity- that it will be a major factor to help prove you’re more than capable to lead our clan.”
“There will be other chances-”
“But this one is right here!”
“Xilä-”
“Why don’t you want to go?” she asked frankly. She had an inkling but wondered if he’d actually say it out loud.
“What? I- Xi, I’m not going to leave my sons and my pregnant wife for a one month trip to the Wetlands that I’m perfectly sure my dad and Tasam- who I’m sending instead, can handle.”
Xilä planted her hands on her hips.
“You are supposed to be meeting with the chief of the Hulanta clan- as future chief yourself, Neteyam! Tasam was supposed to go with you either way, as your future second. I’m barely four months along and perfectly capable of taking care of our sons. I have a whole support system if I need help… Those are all poor excuses you gave and you know it.”
Neteyam’s jaw clenched tight. He pinched the bridge of his nose as though in pain, then leveled his mate with an expression full of exasperation.
“I don’t understand why you’re pushing this, Xilä. Why won’t you take me saying that I just don’t want to go, as an answer?”
“Because when Jake first brought this up, you were so excited about it! You came home and spent over an entire afternoon telling me everything you planned to either implement or suggest to the Hulanta chief-”
Neteyam tried to interject but Xilä silenced him with a flashing glare, one knee coming up to rest on the hammock. She didn’t back down, not even at the sight of his tail thrashing furiously.
“And the second you found out that the boys and I couldn’t come on the trip with you, you shut it all down.”
“I changed my mind, okay? I had my reasons.”
“You had your reasons?” Xi frowned.
“It’s a month long trip. Yes. I had my reasons.”
“The same type of reasons that left you unable to go on any trip no matter how long or how short in the last ten years, right?” Xi pushed. “Trips that me and the boys weren't able to make with you because it was either dangerous or just plain unnecessary?”
“Drop it, Xi. I’m done for tonight.”
“Drop it?! For Eywa sake! Neteyam that’s all I’ve been doing for the last ten years. Every time I try to bring up this conversation you’ve told me to drop it and I have! I don’t want to do it anymore!”
“I don’t see the problem here! I’m prioritizing my family. Why are you so adamant on getting rid of me?!”
“Getting rid of you? You think that’s what I’m trying to do?”
“Sure seems that way, sweetheart,” he snapped.
“Well what it seems to me, is that you're running away from what the actual issue is and I don’t understand why you won’t just be honest with yourself about it.”
“I don’t know what you’re on about, but I am telling you for the last time. I am not going on that goddamn trip.”
“WHY?”
“Fucking hell, Xilä-”
“Why won’t you go on the trip?”
“Because the last time I left for a trip without you, you were fucking kidnapped, beaten and traded as if you were fucking cattle! You were left in the clutches of a lunatic who wanted to claim you! And I- I almost lost you, Xilä! Do you know what that did to me?! How could you possibly think I could leave you again? And worse yet- for an entire fucking month?!”
There it was.
Neteyam abruptly stood and made a beeline for the partition that separated their room from the rest of the tent- hair flying behind him. “I need a minute. Don’t follow me out.”
Ears burning hot from the intensity of the moment, Xilä stared at where her husband had disappeared and began to silently count- a tactic she’d learnt from Mo’at over the years to aid with her anxiety.
She’d barely gotten to one hundred when he returned- far more calmer and looking a whole lot guilty after his outburst.
“Come here,” he said gently.
Folding her into an all consuming embrace, he whispered a series of apologies against her forehead. He rarely ever lost his temper with her and the boys. It wasn’t him at all.
“It’s okay.”
“It’s not. It’s not okay, Xi. I’m sorry.”
“I’m the one that pushed yo-”
“Hey,” he said, cutting her off, holding both sides of her face and staring at her with a seriousness that made her go quiet. “Let���s not play the self blaming game, okay?”
In one swoop, he lifted her off the ground and carried them over to the hammock. With Xilä straddling his lap, there was no more escaping this conversation. He was ready to face it head on and get it over with.
Neteyam’s eyes traced over his wife, taking in her features.
Her hair was short again- shoulder length like the time she’d gotten it cut when she’d first come to Home Camp. Pointed ears twitching in concern, her brows creased, moon colored eyes focused completely on him- and damn if he always got lost in them. He hated how sad they looked tonight.
Cupping her cheek, his thumb brushed across the thin, faded scar that held the reminder of what he feared.
They had talked about it- the incident- years ago when it first happened. They’d talked and wrapped it up, moved on, and never brought it up again.
And while Xilä steadily tended to her mental wounds with the help of Mo’at, Neteyam still had a deep scar that unknowingly festered over the years.
“So-” He blew out some air. “I know it’s been years but-” he shrugged, “guess I’m not entirely over that situation.”
Xilä cupped his cheeks, leaning forward to give him a chase kiss. “And that’s okay… I don’t think shoving the past behind us and never looking back was the healthiest way to go. I know this is tough for you, but we can work on it. Together.”
“How?”
“By talking… We don’t have to go that deep into it tonight, but eventually we will. And eventually you’ll open up. You’ll heal and be able to let go.”
“Okay,” he rasped, palms rubbing her thighs as though trying to comfort himself.
“For now though, what would you say I can do to make you comfortable enough to go on the trip?”
Neteyam thought about it for a moment.
“Maybe you can stay with my parents? You and the boys... Jxo and Sal are great but- I think having my parents closer would be a little more assuring for me.”
Xi nodded. She’d dare not bring up the fact that his parents lived only a few tents away from them. “We can do that.”
“Yeah?”
“Mhm. They have more than enough room and I’ll still have help whenever I need it. Tuk I’m sure would be delighted to have the boys to fuss over and boss around.”
“That too,” he said, cracking a smile.
“Anything else?”
“I want to talk to you every day- even if it’s just for two minutes to simply hear your voice.”
Xilä didn’t think it was possible to fall even more in love with her husband.
Yet here he was.
Proving her wrong.
“Maybe you can bribe Norm to let me borrow one of those handy communication things so I don’t have to walk to the labs every day.”
“That, I can definitely do, sweetheart.”
Xi fiddled with one of his hands- a habit she’d never broken out of over the years.
“I’m truly not trying to get rid of you.”
“I know- shit. I just said that in the moment. I don’t really think that, Xi.”
She gave him a wry smile. “The truth is- and as creepy as this might sound, if it were possible, I’d crawl into your skin and never leave you.”
Neteyam laughed. He knew what she meant. Sometimes he felt the same way.
“But in the same breath, I don’t want you to live in fear because of me. It’s hampering your dreams, ‘Teyam. Your goals... Jake is getting ready to step down in a couple of years, and you’re going to be Olo'eyktan.”
She pressed a palm to his chest.
“I am your wife. And I will stand by your side even when we disagree. But this is one thing I won’t let you slip up on. Okay?”
“How in Eywa’s name did I get so lucky? Where did I find you?”
Xi shrugged playfully. “In the forest screaming my head off. You killed the palulukan who was chasing after me, then whisked me away and took me to your home.”
He laughed again but this time it ended in a groan. His head fell into her neck. “A month is way too long to be away from you, baby. It takes a week alone by ikran to get to Hulanta.”
“You can ask Stevan to join the trip earlier than planned? Go by jet instead?”
One of the main reasons for the trip anyway was to check out a massive, old RDA base that had been set up near a Hulanta village. There was apparently an entire fleet of abandoned aircrafts waiting to be fixed up and used.
“True,” he agreed.
“So it’s settled then? You’ll go and delegate your butt off and make me and your parents and our boys proud of you?”
Neteyam nodded against her skin. “Yeah, baby. I’ll go.” He ran a thumb along the side of her stomach. “You still wanna wait till I get back to tell everyone?”
“Mmm. I can get away with hiding my bump by wearing my longer tops and higher skirts, but if I’m going to be staying with your parents for a month, they’re bound to pick up on my morning sickness.”
“I bet you’d want to tell your mom and sister first.”
“Yeah,” Xi confirmed.
“Are we done fighting?” Neteyam wondered after they agreed to tell their families the good news a week before he had to leave.
“Yes,” Xi grinned, knowing why he was asking.
She squealed when he flipped them around, sighing as his lips pressed against her neck and he slipped a knee between her thighs.
Sometimes good things come from a fight.
Like improved communication…
The validation of feelings…
And mind blowing make-up sex.
~
~
On his third day at the Hulanta clan while he and Tiaru- the clan’s chief were in deep discussion as they made rounds near the tree of souls, a familiar shade of blue caught his eye.
Neteyam blinked to make sure he wasn’t seeing things. But… he wasn’t. And in seeing the Na’vi all the more clearly, he inhaled sharply.
“What is it?” Tiaru asked, alerted by the shock on his face.
And although Neteyam was sure who she might be, he still asked…
“Who is that Li’onan woman?”
~
Hehe... I had to throw in a little bit of a fight there. I love a good healthy communication moment honestly.
And, gasp. Who IS that Li'onan woman???
Also, you guys, Zyden is growing up? And what do we think of sweet little Hysik?
Anywhoo, see y'all in my next one! 💛
~
Tags:@jakesullyfatjuicypeen@granddearduck@riatesullironalite@strawberri-blonde@earthling55 @innercreationflower @duckworthbean @gyuventure @btsiguess-kpop@blkmystery@neteswife@luvteyams@isnt-itstrange@erenjaegerwifee@faatxma@ivysully@bakugouswaif@pinkpantheris @mntx666@ironcaptainnataliabarnes
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COOKIE ! [One Shot]
ITOSHI RIN × GN!Reader
THEME: Rin mad at your irresponsible care of your health.
Warnings — Fluff(ew), Reader likes to bake/cook, small argument(no against tho), reader has an attitude, living together, PLATONIC or ROMANTIC, friends/couple still learning, OOC Rin, curses[ofc].
NOTE: This writing is too cringe to my own good, stop reading while you can,, anyways, Happy late Christmas y'all. I'm trying to come back to (my rusty)writing and this dead ahh fandom(blue lock).
NOTE: Tired of reader having those bubbly personalities when they have a hobby in cooking/baking; so I made them have a little of an attitude hah
[ Starting . . . ]
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It wasn't news to Itoshi that you obviously liked to cook and bake — to do something in the kitchen — in general.
Special occasion with special food? You got it. Special sweets just for fun? You already have a whole set of it. Need a hot drink on a winter afternoon? You're making the best hot beverage known to mankind with the simple ingredients that sat on the kitchen shelves.
It wasn't the first time, you didn't understand why he was so angry at you this morning — as you slowly halted your hand middle-way to feeding yourself a fresh out cookie. You blinked, not aware of what’s the big deal of skipping a night of sleep.
“... Want some?” You said, pointing down at the sweet. Turning around to fully face the sourned-mood Itoshi at 7:30 AM on the other side of the isle. “I just decided to bake some cookies, you know? No big deal.” Silence. His frown was more heated than the stove currently.
“Skipping a night just because you didn't feel like sleeping to bake some lukewarm cookies is not a big deal? Are you trying to mess up your sleep schedule again?” His frown only deepened when you rolled your eyes. “Lukewarm your ass, you're gonna enjoy these more than me anyways.” You huffed, filling the silence of the sweet air with your next set of words.
“You used to skip meals before, now if it wasn't for me..” Scoffing, you continued, “Huh, and you have the audacity to scold me when I skip one or two nights! You also spent the whole night out in the field practicing and pushing yourself.”
“...This was in the past. I don't do this anymore—” “—because of me—” “— I changed— “—because of me—” Rin stared at you in a deadpan face, you returned the look. rin made way into your personal space. you stared at him, a twitching eye as he sighted in disappointment, you could preview his next batch of words including the word ‘lukewarm’ and cut him short;
“Shut up, will you.” A cookie being shoved into his mouth made the trick as you had a taste of your own hard work too. Rin begrudgingly complied to eat, your eyes would still not meet his as your hands hovered around to sort the treats into a plate.
“You're being dramatic. Just take care of yourself, or are you too pathetic to do this too?” He leaned on the aisle beside you, annoyed, watching you set up your little stage to have the perfect picture for your series in your socials — which your followers flocked over your cooking skills.. Rin and some of his ‘friends’ included.
Though, making no sign of stopping your classification test for the better good-looking cookies for the picture or giving him a proper answer, you pondered in silence.
You knew of Rin’s soft spot for you, well aware of the privileges this had lent you, compared to the rest of his social group, you were the one of the few people that he would go out of his way to voice his worries. Even if he acted like an ass when doing so, you learned the hard way to be able to have the ability of knowing when he is just concerned.
While you continued, all in Itoshis’ mind was when would you answer. Was he being too much of a nuisance..? you called him out... Too loud maybe. But not only did he just intrude when he just had a treat offered to him, Rin ignored your proud words to make snarky comments. It was almost 8 AM, one thing he learned was that you didn't like to put up with bullshit in the mornings. He lowered his laches, thinking if he crossed something.
A sight made his eyes look at the figure in front of him.
“Alright, alright, I pledge to sleep early tonight. happy?” You gave him a side look, but an honest voice regardless of your small joking tone. Rin made no moves, only glancing at you, before looking away; nevertheless, bathing on his petty victory in his usual quiet tone.
A phone came in sight, ready to add into the collection of your camera roll full of dishes.
“What the-” you stilled, your reaction too slow to immediately react to watching Rin's hand snatch one of the cookies on the plate through the phone screen. “Bastard-” you could only graze his sleeve when he was already out of reach, disappearing to the hall of your shared apartment.
#damn this is so cringe#i should just stop writing all together atp#anyway#have a m!r draft coming up(soon or not)#blue lock#bllk#rin x reader#itoshi rin x reader#blue lock x reader#itoshi rin#rin itoshi#bllk rin#zzzy:fic
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I love the anon who sent thoughts about mermaid!Lottie because now I can't stop thinking about mermaid!Nat and looking at my moodboard of her
https://www.tumblr.com/theprismyyy/758982146787606528/mermaidnatalie-scatorccio?source=share
Mermaid! Natalie would definitely be a half-human child, as if her mermaid mother had gotten involved with her human father (I'm getting Merlia Summers in Barbie vibes). Maybe she could shapeshift into a human form like the girls in H2o, but she doesn't really do that... like, she lived part of her childhood as a human but it didn't work out for her, so she went to the sea where she feels most at peace.
Mermaid! Natalie has a golden orange tail like the girls in H2o...maybe with slight purple patterns that are kind of chromatic, because I imagine each of the girls having different colored tails. The colors of mermaids' tails can indeed be repeated and I think the most common color would be navy blue, while the rarer colors would be orange/gold (like Nat's), slightly grayish purple with details in shades of white and baby blue (like Lottie's) and green with details in blue and purple (like Shauna's, her tail would be similar to Ariel's).
Mermaid! Natalie whose main fun is to make fishermen's lives hell, but not just any fishermen, for example she doesn't do anything to those who do it respectfully, without dumping trash and respecting marine life, without catching more than necessary and stuff like that... now, she loves to make the lives of illegal fishermen a complete hell :)) she's just a little devil with a tail who will tear their nets, pull their fishing rods so hard that they can't pull back and they break or get released, sometimes she just takes the bait off the hooks and leaves them there like idiots😭 she would also scare away the fish nearby and steal any item left on the edge of the boat while they were distracted ;)
Mermaid! Nat likes to peek at the coast of islands and watch people hidden, she finds it fun and I can easily see her appearing to some poor unsuspecting child who was watching the sea😩 she would first scare the child by suddenly emerging from the water, but soon she would start talking to him and stuff :))) some children leave crying with the scare, others leave totally enchanted screaming for their parents to warn them about the "magical mermaid", others are little cheeky ones who engage in a fun conversation with her and ask to touch her tail after promising not to tell anyone <3 in all cases she has so much fun with these little pranks.
Mermaid! Natalie would also steal items forgotten on the sides of any other boat, like a silly hat left by a snobbish old lady on the side of a speedboat :))) Does Nat need this? No, but it's fun and there's always something that ends up interesting some of the girls.
I'm a huge fan of H2O: Just Add Water and I can't stop thinking about this whole AU taking place in the same universe as the series, just in a different time... maybe modern?? Whatever, but think about all the mermaid girls living in the dormant volcano pool on Mako Island😩😩😩 imagine that still around the island there is an entrance to a much larger sea cave that is where they actively live and it's so big and cool<3
Something like this, but completely decorated by the girls with everything they find cool or interesting:
I love mermaids and I clearly got excited
YESYESYES!!! mermaid nat my beloved <3 mermaid nat whose tail can change colors based on how she's feeling? like when you first spotted her, she was kinda surprised and shy, so her tail blushed with hot reds and dark oranges.
maybe reader whose dad is one of those fishermen nat hates??? you go along with him one morning because you really have nothing better to do and you HAVE been wanting to fish for some time. she spots him and scowls, but she tilts her head curiously when she notices you. i think she'd still fuck with you a lil, probably splash some water or hold onto the hook and suddenly let it go so you stumble 😭 but she's just a menace with your dad. he definitely ends up in the water at one point. thinking of spotting her while you're cleaning up and kinda just staring at each other for a moment before she scurries away.
and UR SO REALLLL i loved h2o as a kid bro.....literally top 10 shows ever. thinking about scuba diver!reader who somehow gets injured underwater near the cave and mermaid nat who rescues you!!! dragging you by the fins too because she's kinda apprehensive. maybe she was supposed to be out looking for food and the yjs joke about how it's too early to resort to humans when she brings you 😭 they all help put you on the surface and try to fix your wound, and nat kinda gets attached? idk. thinking of her slapping the other girl's hands away when they try to touch your face or arms because maybe they've never been this close to a human and are curious.
GAHHH. thinking about dates with her in the cave???? nat shoving all the girls out because ur swimming over 😭 bringing a lil picnic basket and a towel to put on the sand so you can lie on ur belly and face her since she'll be in the water and you on the surface. she'd probably decorate the cave with whatever she could find in the ocean and it's so cozy and cool looking 😞
okok i remember the full moon like fucking with the girls powers in the show..... mermaid!nat who turns into a SIREN during the full moon????? thoughts??? suddenly she's so clingy and possessive and maybe she goes onto the surface for the first time in years just to show up at your house.
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Go make it happen
Find the series masterlist
The holiday fic for the grump and his person! Everyone thank @oonajaeadira for giving me the idea.
Word count: 1.5k
Warnings: Fluff. Lots of fluff. Lack of holiday drama.
Your second Christmas with Pero, because the first wasn't anything special.
You hummed to yourself as you set the presents out under the little fake tree, just for you and Pero. You still had two more days until Christmas, but you liked to be prepared. Especially since William and Mel would be joining you for dinner Christmas night.
It would be nice to have some company. Last year, Tovar’s first Christmas in this time, you'd been busy and distracted with explaining things to him. The day hadn't been much.
You were hoping for something a little more this year.
Arms around your waist made you smile, and Pero nuzzled into the back of your shoulder from behind.
“Too busy,” he grumbled. “Come back to bed.”
“I'm getting ready,” you reminded him gently, laying your hands over his. “Remember? We've only got two more days.”
He grunted, clearly displeased. “Too busy,” he repeated, his grip on you tightening. “You do not have much time to relax.”
You sighed softly, fingers stroking over the back of his hand. He was right, you hadn't had much time to relax, and your time with him had been cleaning and decorating and prepping. “Two more days and things will quiet down again,” you promised. “Besides, this is a fun time of year. I want to enjoy it while it lasts.”
With one last wordless grumble, Pero released you. “Tell me what to do.” He was a funny mix of resigned and determined, and you hid your smile.
Your sweet grump.
“Just have to get down the plates for dinner,” you said, turning to look at him. “And then I think I'm done for today.”
“Which ones?” Pero stepped into the kitchen, glancing back at you.
“On the top shelf, yes, those ones.” You watched as he reached up to grab the plates, the hem of his shirt riding up and revealing a strip of skin. He had a healthy layer of fat on him now from regular meals and regular work, still strong, still voracious, but less desperate.
You let yourself be quietly proud of that bit of padding. He wouldn't have that if not for you, after all.
Pero got down the plates and set them on the counter for later. “Is all?” He grunted, looking back at you.
You pulled your gaze away from his midsection to nod. “Now we're done for the day.”
Pero immediately swooped on you with a playful growl, ignoring your shrieking laughter to pull you down with him.
Christmas morning was, admittedly, lazy. Neither of you needed to be up early, there were no screaming kids (except elsewhere in the building), no urgency at all. So the two of you enjoyed a slow morning in bed together.
You did get up (against his wishes and ignoring his grumbling) to wash up and start on food. Mel was bringing food too, and the group would have a mixed feast. Honestly, you were looking forward to that.
Especially since by now Mel had the hang of cooking enough for everyone, including Pero the black hole.
Pero grumblingly set the table before you could ask, and you made sure to reward him with a kiss.
You did not let him distract you entirely, and turned away to hide your smile at the sight of his pout.
Mel and William arrived a little early, which was fine. By then, the apartment smelled delicious, and you had donned a cheerful Christmas sweater, while Pero had been gently bullied into a festive shirt. Mel showed up in a beautiful holiday dress, blue and swirling with snowflakes, hair up in a high ponytail. William wore green (and reminded you just a little of Robin Hood, not that you'd ever tell him that).
After hugs and greetings, you and Mel set out all the food on the table while Pero and William spoke quietly together in Spanish, huddled off to one side of the living area like a couple of miscreants. Which they rather were… you decided the best course of action for your sanity would be to ignore them.
“How are you doing?” You asked Mel, moving a plate of chicken to make more room for her dishes.
“Actually, it's… really nice.” Mel smiled, surprised and happy. “He's nice to live with. And I like him, which helps a lot.”
“It does,” you agreed, snickering. “I hope he's less work than Pero is.”
“Probably,” Mel agreed instantly, making you both giggle.
“How's work going? Still a shitshow?”
Mel made a complicated expression, and you settled in to listen to her bitch. Honestly, you loved these talks. You hadn't had a friend to talk to like this in a while, and you enjoyed it. To you, this was more rewarding than simple coffee meet ups.
William and Pero rejoined the two of you, both relaxed. William looked at you and grinned, opening his mouth to say something only to be halted by Pero's swift elbow to his side. You eyed Pero but he looked mulishly unrepenting, so you decided to let it slide. Especially since those two had many years of history between them. William didn’t even seem to care, still grinning. So you shrugged off their antics as the giant children they sometimes were, and settled down to eat.
Dinner was delicious, and filling, and included probably a little too much wine. Mel got especially giggly after her second glass. William looked amusedly besotted, which you hadn't even realized was a thing.
Then again, given the frequency of looks Pero shot your way, maybe you shouldn't be surprised. He looked at you what felt like every thirty seconds, fingers fidgeting with his utensils or napkin or tablecloth. But he didn't seem tense or nervous, no more surly than usual, so you dismissed it as having too much energy.
William shooed you and Mel out of the kitchen to do dishes, with Pero packaging up leftovers. That was very nearly a gift in and of itself, giving you two another chance to collapse and relax. And maybe drink some water.
Finally, Mel called it a night, with William at her side to make sure she didn't stumble on the way back down to her apartment. You shut the door once they rounded the corner, smiling to yourself.
“That was fun,” you said, smiling at Pero.
“It was,” he agreed, faintly surprised. “Was a good idea.”
“Thanks.” You stretched your arms up over your head, still warm and sated from good food and good company. “Movie tonight?”
He paused for a moment before he nodded. “Pick,” he told you, hands curling at his sides again. “I will return.”
You blinked at him once but shrugged and plopped yourself on the couch as he headed back to your shared bedroom. Okay. So he was acting a little weird. Maybe he was over-socialized for the day. That you'd completely understand. Or he'd had too much to eat - you'd seen that before, several times.
But that wasn't quite right either.
Well. You'd figure it out. Or he'd get over whatever this was. Either way.
You stretched your legs out in front of you, flexing your sore feet. Worth it, though, for today.
Pero emerged from the hallway, still looking unusually shifty. Even more unusual, he had something in his hands.
You sat up, interest piqued. But you let him approach at his own pace - asking or pushing too hard would make him even more flustered.
And while that was sometimes fun, not this time. This, you could tell, was a bit too sensitive.
“Is for you,” he grunted, halting a couple steps away and pushing his hands out to you, along with the small black box nestled therein.
You took the box delicately, letting the weight of it sink into your fingers. One last curious look at Pero gave you no hints.
So you opened the box.
A simple gold band glinted at you from the dark velvet interior of the box, no adornments on its surface.
Your jaw dropped. Your eyes widened. Time froze. Your heart thumped everything into overtime, rabbit-fast and hard.
You slowly lifted your gaze to Pero.
“Will no mean anything to anyone else,” he grunted, still shifty, looking away from you and then immediately back. “Cannot legally marry you, so…” He trailed off, toughness cracking to show the vulnerable softness hidden underneath.
“You mean it?” You asked, hands shaking. You needed to know. You needed to be absolutely certain.
“Yes.” He met your gaze finally, head on and steady, even though his fingers trembled.
You didn't drop the box even as you leaped to your feet, grabbing him in a desperate kiss. His reply was every bit as heated.
The two of you paused long enough for him to slide the ring on your finger, the metal cool and weighty against your skin. You both admired it for a moment, the color of it against your skin, the fit of it. It did not escape your notice that the ring fit perfectly.
With a needy little sound, Pero kissed you again, his fingers twining through yours until the gold band pressed into both of your skin.
In the back of your mind, you made a note to find him a ring too.
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Got here in late August 2024 actually lmao and after watching their stuff for three weeks I decided I needed to go to TIT and promptly bought tickets.
My first video was their cinnamon roll baking video that a friend showed me. Loved it and then we binged them reacting to PINOF. That was in 2023 and then I forgot about them lol
Several months later I then started with their Sims series because a lot of friends kept recommending it to me (I’m obsessed with the Sims 4) I’ve watched it twice now. I started watching other of their videos that popped up on recommended and before I knew it I had watched almost all of their gaming channel videos. Currently making my way through their Undertale series and a bunch of the spooky week videos (I have no stomach for horror so that’s been slow). Discovered PJ through them and started watching his stuff too lmao
I then started watching their solo content. I’ve seen most of Phil’s recent content and I’m making my way through Dystopia Daily. I’ve watched Dan’s Basically I’m Gay, Why I Quit YouTube, and Daniel and Depression (I still have to watch We’re all Doomed but I want to make it into a little solo watch party). I’ve watched all the PINOFs, the baking videos, Dan and Phil Crafts, and the DITLs
I recently watched Interactive Introverts (still have to watch TATINOF other than their reaction video) and just read TABINOF and Dan and Phil Go Outside. Started reading Dan’s book.
I know about superamazingproject but I haven’t watched it yet (again, gonna make it into a solo watch party), also want to see what I can find of their BBC radio 1 show. I haven’t watched too many of their old solo stuff. Since I wasn’t there for it I don’t have that nostalgia for it and it actually makes me a bit sad sometimes (mostly for Dan) because the self loathing and internalised homophobia is so evident in retrospect, so it’s difficult to get through. I plan to go through all their still public videos eventually but I know that will take a while and I have no intentions of rushing that.
That’s the gist of it and at this point I do feel like I get most of the inside jokes. Anyways I personally love the self reference I also love the internet history that is so embroiled in their own personal history. I recently took a class on Internet Linguistics and read Gretchen McCulloch’s Because Internet (I recommend this to everybody) so Dan and Phil has been super relevant to it all. Even though I wasn’t a fan pre-hiatus I’ve always sort of known about them in the background and they invoke that older internet feeling so their new stuff still feels super nostalgic for that reason especially as I’ve started reflecting on my childhood, especially my teen years.
I obviously don’t have the same relationship to them as all the pre-hiatus/pre-coming out phannies. They didn’t raise me. However I have recently started embracing my identity as a gay man, so their videos are super fun and heartwarming for that reason. I get how monumental it is and I feel it to an extent but at the end of the day I wasn’t in the trenches with y’all. It’s also super funny because whenever they make those joking digs at their audience I’m just like: lol I take no responsibility for that
i'm so fascinated by phannies that got here in a post coming-out universe. especially like, this year?! in the era of self referential "you're all old now we raised you and now we're gay" era? tell me your story. how did you get here. this is not in a judgemental way btw like let me help you catch up, what have you binge watched. there are like 1,000 dnp videos according to the completionist playlists so i just need to make sure you know about the superamazingproject and such. opening my askbox to this. AMA: an 11 year phannie whose entire teen brain chemistry was soaked in this soup
#sorry for the long ramble I’ve been wanting to yap about this and then just word vomited all over your post since you invited it#I’m having a grand ole time here#anyways I’m just as obsessed with the fandom as I am with them I’m studying y’all like bugs so the fascination is mutual I guess lmao
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This picture is so chaotic as a whole
But then you look closer:
/Record scratch/
"Hi. You might be wondering how I got here..."
#i cant stop looking at reino and pasta#like every time i look back at it#i start giggling again#its an absolute dumpster fire of an image#it sums up the end of the game well#it was so chaotic#this series is going to be so fun to watch#florida panthers#boston bruins#nhl playoffs 2024#bruins vs panthers series#round 2 game 2#nhl#hockey#nhl playoffs#record scratch#you might be wondering how i got here
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