#this scene made me think about the quote i really love from decision to leave

[athousandbyeol]

"the moment you said you loved me, your love ended. and the moment your love ended, my love began." — song seo rae, "decision to leave", 2022.

[mintaikk]

Why Morpherine should be canon

Remember: all of these are just MY opinion. In all honesty, I just want Morph's feelings for Lpgan to addressed instead of just burying it immediately. That's all I'm asking, I'm not even asking them to get into a relationship. Morph's VA even agrees that Morpherine doesn't even need to be canon, and that their friendship should be explored more. But, these are just my reasonings on why it would be good for morpherine to be canon.

It would put an end to the not love triangle between Jean, Scott, and Logan

Love triangle has been going on for a while now, and I think we're all sick of it. I like that it let's us see a softer side of Logan, but Jean isn'tinterested! She's been with Scott since high school, and there's no way in Hell that she is going to leave him.

What sucks to me is that the fact that nothing has really been where he develops abd is able to get over his crush. I get it. Feelings are hard, and they don't go away. But, nothing is going to be done with this except useless pining and have Jean kiss him for some fucking reason. I literally just want Logan to get over Jean. That's it. He gets over Jean, and find someone thar actually likes him in that way.

And that's Morph bcuz the entire post is about :).

It already has good buildup

Half of this section was just stolen from a post made by @waywardsou2 bcuz I haven't watched the original series in a while and they put it perfectly lol.

Morph and Logan were best friends, with Logan famously saying that, "He [Morph] is the only one that could ever make me laugh." But (in literally the first episode lol), Morph dies protecting Logan from a sentinel. And Logan was fucking PISSED. He didn't like Scott before, but I think Morph dying contributed to his dislike for him even more, since he believes that Scott's decision is the reason that his best friend was killed. He then goes to grieve and then later avenge Morph ("This one's for you, Morph!" Slayed so hard with that line tbh). Later, when they find out that Morph is alive, but under Sinister's control, Logan is the first one to offer and go out to rescue them, even though they all think that Morph betrayed them. He says that "He's the only one that could ever make me laugh", quote and also mentions that he's "not giving up on him again." When Logan goes to talk to Morph, the purple around Moeph'a eyes dissappear, and only return when Logan isn't around, so they're already shown to be pretty close.

Another thing is that when Morph and Logan are fighting, Morph turns into Sabretooth and Jean to get under Logan's skin. It's already and open secret among the X-men thst Logan has feelings for Jean, but he hadn't told anyone about Sabretooth. Morph turning into Sabretooh implies that Logan gold Morph about him. I find it sweet that Logan trusted Morph enough to tell them about Sabretooth.

Morph wanted to get revenge on the rest of the team, but with Logan, they just explained what they were going through. And Logan understands them because he wants them to feel better.

And then, in X-men 97, they're just attached by the hip and are literally always seen together. Morph cheers Logan up when he's upset, Morph is always the first one to save him, etc. They're even like this in the comic, being the first one to notice that Wolvie is upset during Scott and Jean's baby shower.

Oh yeah, the thing that made me go "HOLD UP" and got me into this ship: Morph's (confirmed) love confession to Wolverine.

And that fuckass shower scene.

We could just leave it at that, but I'm a fanfic reader and writer, meaning that I latch onto ANY angst I can find. So, here's the stuff this scene implies.

-The illusion of Logan was made by Mr. Sinister when he was bringing out the worst fears of the X-men. And Morph’s worst fear? Logan finding out their feelings for him, and Logan finding them repulsive

-Mr. Sinister is aware of Morph's feelings for Logan, which implies they've had feelings for him for a while now

Those two things are very important for me, and just adds to their relationship more. Imagine a scene where Morph tells Logan expecting him to be grossed out by him, but instead, Logan accepts them and hugs them or smthn. I'd honestly cry if I saw that.

Happy ending for the gays :D

So, so many stories of unrequited gay love or "burying your gays." I don't think they're gonna kill Morph as a lot of their time was spent being dead, but I can see them being rejected by Wolvie. Which is completely fine! Again, I'm not saying that they need to be together! Having a scene like this or this would be great!

But also, I think a lot of people are just tired of having gays get unhappy endings in media, be that rejection for a straight relationship or just straight up dying. Morph's VA believes that it's important to have a gay character be rejected by a straight guy since it's happened to so many people in real life, and I do agree with it! But also, this is fiction, and escapism, and goddamnit, people just want their favorite characters to be happy!

Good queer rep

Imma br so fr: Marvel shows and movies are shit when it comes to queer representation. It's getting better, but it's still shit. It's either a one-off comment or queerbaiting. Apparently, Loki is genderfluid? That's great! Would've been nice to actually see! Bucky Barnes is implied to be bisexual (he mentioned a lot of tiger photos on Tinder, tiger photos are mostly posted by men, it implies he was looking at men's profiles on tinder) but again, that's only implied, and you gotta dig deep to realize it, so really, only people who are actively looking or are in those communities know. America Chavez is gay, (haven't read her comics, but I think she's also gay in the comics :D), but I didn't even know that until I saw it on the wiki. I don't feel like going through all of it, so here are some links to posts that talk about it. Link 1, Link 2, Link 3

Honestly, it'll boils down to wanting to appease the cishet male audience.

X-men is a bit different though, as the series was literally MADE to be woke. Like, here's a post I made that talks about it bcuz I don't feel like repeating myself. Except Marvel shows are cowards, so they'll probably tone-down the wokeness. Smthn about "Wolverine can't be queer bcuz he's mainstream" and they gotta appease that cishet audience! Except that's exactly WHY it would be great for Wolvie to be in a queer relationship! Because he's mainstream! He's already a super popular character, and having him be queer would be great, because a lot of queer people will look up to a character that they already liked before! Straight men have a shit ton of characters that represent them. What's wrong with queer men having a character thar can represent them? Same with lesbians, bisexuals, trans people, literally anyone under the queer umbrella.

I latched onto Morph so heavily because they're nonbinary and gender-nonconforming, which matches my gender expression so heavily. And if I can be so extremely happy with a character that gets a couple minutes of screen time being queer, imagine how happy people will be when a main character whose in a queer relationship gets even more screen time?

Also, Wolvie dated the literal actually Hercules in one comic. Don't come at me yall, it can happen.

And if Marvel wants to add queer rep but is still shy about it, Morph would be a great start. It's like putting little kids into the shallow end of the water because the deep end is scary.

Morph only exists in the X-men cartoon and Exiles comics. Unless you're this tiny community on tumblr, no one gives a shit about Morph. When people think about their nostalgia for X-men 92, no one thinks of Morph. Their ass literally DIED in the first episode, wasn't even in the goddamn intro, and only appeared for like, 6 episodes, and they didn't even exist in the comics. So, paring up with Wolverine would be the "safe" option. It wouldn't be like pairing up Bucky with Sam or Cap (no matter how many people would love that), because no one knows who Morph even is. People would say, "Oh, Wolverine got with Morph!" and most people would reply with, "Who?" Safer option so less people get mad. Just dipping a foot into the pool of queerness, lol.

Yeah, it sucks that there has to be a "safe" option, but I'm also very attached ti this ship and Marvel needs to learn that queerness isn't some evil thing that drives away customers.

Tldr; Morpherine should be canon bcuz It would put an end go the Jogan love triangle, it already has good buildup, it leads to a happy ending for the gays,

[cillacantstudysosheshere]

I just saw a good omens analysis that made me think. So after the confession Crowley doesn't just leave, he stays outside the bookshop and outside the Bentley to look at Aziraphale leaving because he wants to see him getting away to fully believe what is happening and to show Aziraphale what he is losing right? WRONG

You see, we have seen Crowley getting upset a bunch of times both in season 1 and 2, and what does he do when he's upset? He leaves

We can go off together scene in season 1, he gets upset with Aziraphale and he leaves

I'm getting my stuff and I'm leaving scene in season 1, he gets in his Bentley and leaves

He finds out about Gabriel, he gets very upset and leaves

At the end of season 2 he's the most upset and hurt he's ever been so it would make sense for him to leave, to run in a way, to avoid further suffering. After all Crowley has always done this, he drinks to avoid suffering for example...so why does he stand there?...but then Aziraphale turns and looks at him and suddenly it's clear. In a way yes, Crowley is there because he is, to quote the book, an optimist and some part of him wanted to believe that Aziraphale could have changed his mind at the last second but I think it goes deeper than that.

He is not there to make Aziraphale question his decision, because he already tried that...he is there to reassure him, he is there because he wants him to know that when heaven will eventually turn out to be far from good he will be there for Aziraphale. He hates to see him go, and he hates to basically see what has happened to him happening to Aziraphale...but he can't help but to love him, to be there for him and to forgive his naivety because ultimately that's also what he loves him for.

Do you really think that after denying himself Aziraphale for 6000 years he could hate him for him not wanting to run away together? Crowley knows he goes too fast for Aziraphale and most of all, even though he doesn't respect heaven, he respects Aziraphale. He would never force him to do something he doesn't want to do, he loves him too much to do that. That is why the kiss was as powerful as it was, because for the first time Crowley was, in a way, selfish. Even though they both love each other and they both want each other, the kiss clearly showed who was ready for it and who was not. Crowley did that as a last resort because he knows deep down that Aziraphale wants him as well, but he also knew it was not the right time. The man was desperate and tired of heaven taking Aziraphale away from him...but even after all of that he stands there because he will always be there for Aziraphale no matter what. That hint of doubt in Aziraphale's eyes when he turns around to look at him just before leaving is all he needs because he knows him, and has seen this happening before...and even though he's hurt, he would never leave Aziraphale. Imagine the scene without Crowley: Aziraphale looks back and he doesn't see him and probably thinks "he left me, I made the right decision"...but no, he sees Crowley, standing there, not leaving even in that moment and that is what will, ultimately, bring Aziraphale back.

How? Well, we will have to wait and see I guess

[diientedegato]

I'm curious if you have any thoughts on what Ben Paul would look like if he was alive years after S1 of TWDG :> I honestly prefer to imagine both him & Kenny going off on their own adventures after S1, because Idk if I'd've had Kenny as part of S2, it felt like when he returned it became less Clem's story & more his. That might be controversial among fans but it's how I feel :s I like to imagine Ben, Kenny & Sarita forming their own little family in fact <3 I'd expect Ben would end up with shaggier hair after a while but I wouldn't mind knowing what he'd look like with short, spiked up hair ;>

IM SORRY BOTH THE ASK AND DRAWING ARE OLD- but I came across the sketch I had eugeugeh. I do not have many headcanons but behind the cut is just a rant about. Kenny mostly. Too much should I warn? But yah I'm sorry it took me like 5 months lol

The only headcanon (regarding Ben's appearance) is that he'd keep his school jacket for as long as possible. Until it thorns apart. Or until he dies.

I'm big fan of Ben lives possibility btw I've gotta draw sum about that sometime (I say, about every twdg character i like,)

And dude, do I agree about Kenny. Man doesn't belong in season 2. The character they made him to be in the second season is not Kenny, it's just a nostalgia element. Don't get me wrong, I love the guy, I'm biased as hell, I break that hug choice every time. But it made the character development in the first season just.... pointless. "For some reason, I saved that piece of shit Ben", man, that quote just disappoints me. Kenny lost everything. Father and husband of none no more, which was pretty much the arc of Kenny on the first season?? I think? . Everything he loved and he had he lost, and he killed the person responsible for it. But not as revenge, he killed a kid out of mercy. He saved the boy from suffering a painful death, and that was forgiveness, to the reason he hadn't any. He took a decision he would be fully responsible of, when it was time for him to go. And he was perfect.

Hell, if he had appeared during season 2, I do prefer the Kenny as Carver idea. Clementine wasn't even that close to Kenny in the past, the player was, so even then it feels... off, off to be forced to care about a man that says so much he wants to protect you. (They're not really family, but is as if Kenny tries to protect and have Clem on his side, to have Clem's loyalty through and through. Though he does let her go and is proud of her on her individuality... hm.) But still, I mean, second season Kenny is not first season Kenny, and it isn't even a change that made sense. If he had been antagonist (which pretty much feels like it in the Canon story already), he should have had some other background story, no Sarita or company. Maybe then the cynical view he has would have mattered. The violence and anger and whatever else. For him to change that way was a consequence of him losing what he represented, protection of family? Wasn't failure and grief and acceptance meant to be important after all?

But otherwise yea I think it would've been pretty cool if Ben survived :3 I am a sucker for tales of redemption, forgiveness, and found family. And I hadn't thought about Kenny, Ben, and Sarita, but hell yeah. Man, even if they appeared in the second season, it would've been interesting if the choice wasn't between two individuals, but between two families. Ben already had a relationship with Clem! He appreciated her and calls her his only friend during season 1, he did leave her behind during that scene, -but the point of Ben was that- He was a coward all the season, until when he wasn't. He wanted to help Lee help Clem. They would've had an interesting sibling relationship-? also Ben had a young sister before the apocalypse so ooooh projection and parallels and shi. And if Ben had lived, he would've completed his development to something close to bravery-?

Well, I don't know, at least I think that'd be one interesting way to bring back old characters. Otherwise, Kenny should only be mentioned on dialogue maximum. The way I see it.

(I repeat the same thing over and over when I talk about something I'm sorry

(I've developed no language skills whatsoever in my life

(Yippee

[gallafics]

𝙶𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚊𝚏𝚒𝚌'𝚜 𝚁𝚎𝚟𝚒𝚎𝚠

Title: Quatervois Author: @dodgerbear84 (Ao3)

Rating: Explicit Series: N/A

Chapters: 8/8 Word Count: 51.5k

Archive Warnings: No Warnings Used

Favorite Character: Two lovely side characters; a bartender named Cam & Mickey’s friend Kenny. And of course our boys.

Least Favorite Character: I didn’t have any characters in particular that I disliked, but Gracie’s mom?? iykyk

Ao3 Summary: “Quatervois (Qua-ter-vwa): A crossroads; a critical decision or turning point in one’s life.

Closeted soldier Mickey meets farmer Ian in a bar when on leave from his base in the Deep South and discovers that making the leap toward happiness isn't as tough when you have someone on your side.”

Review: This fic actually blew me away. The writing style is extremely cinematic and had me convinced I actually just watched a movie instead of reading a book. I could vividly picture Ian’s farm, their facial expressions, the bar, the creek—everything. I felt like I was there watching it in person.

Mickey and Ian’s build up in this fic is beautiful. Their flirtation is both cute and sexy while also having hints of pining and being slight idiots. Mickey falling for Ian in this fic is a favorite of mine because it’s so obvious how much they want one another but have things that are keeping them apart.

This fic really has it all. There’s spice, there’s banter, theres fluff, there’s lust and longing and perfect comedic timing! It’s all around a beautiful fic that has made its way to my personal downloads because I will be re-reading it!

Spoilers Below↓

Favorite Moment: So, I’m a sucker for the moments in a story that just rip your heart out and absolutely stomp on it in front of you, so, I would say my favorite part is when Mickey is leaving the state, getting ready to deploy and he and Ian are saying good-bye…

“Don’t think about what you’re leaving behind. Think about the bright future ahead of you. Promise me you won’t dwell on us saying goodbye.” Mickey’s heart clenched tightly in his chest. “I promise.”

Equally favorite moment is their first meeting, it’s so tense and Ian’s so nice and Mickey is gay panicking and ends up being an asshole

“I wasn’t asking to be your friend. I was just being friendly. Big difference. Sorry to have offended” Mickey watched as Ian headed back to his corner and felt irrational anger bubble up inside him. “What? You’re not gonna thank me for my service?” Ian laughed loudly and hollowly, turning to face Mickey and lifting the hem of his black shirt up to his chin. Mickey gaped at the display of rock hard abs and firm pectoral muscles. It lasted a moment before he spotted the livid red skin of severe but well healed burns covering the left side of Ian’s body from waist to armpit. “You gonna thank me for mine? Didn’t think so. Drink your beer, soldier, I won’t bother you again.”

Honorable mentions, their first kiss, Mickey visiting the creek, the conversation about Ian’s bed (iykyk), still obsessing over their reunion, the waterfall scene (!!) and so so many other good moments in this one!!

Favorite quote(s):

“Anything happens to Ian and you’ll have this whole bar looking for you.”

“You totally fed it.” “The fuck you on about?” “The stray cat. You fed it. You make out like you’re this tough badass but you have a caring side”

“I just… I ain’t ever… this is all… wow fuck. Kiss one guy and you use your grip on life.”

“There’s a sight I could never get tired of seeing.” Ian leered. “Me sweating my tits off while I try to stay fit enough to be a soldier even though I drink beer like water and smoke more than a funeral home chimney?”

“Nobody has ever touched me there.” Ian mumbled against Mickey’s mouth. “You’re beautiful.” Mickey had never said those words to anyone before.

“Then you came along. You, with your fucking attitude problem and killer smile.”

There were honestly so many moments in this fic that made me insanely happy and have stuck in my brain. It’s such a beautiful story. If you haven’t read it 10000/10 recommend, if you have read it? Go read it again!!!

Final thoughts: The plot was plotting. The spice was spicy. The romance was romancing. The chemistry was off the charts. I cried. I laughed. And everyone in the gym probably thought the lady on the treadmill was crazy cause I couldn’t stop grinning at my phone! Amazingly, beautiful, cinematic masterpiece!!

Thank you so much, DodgerBear, for blessing us with this fic!!

— Harley, Gallafics Reviews

[prapaiwife]

Another Breakdown on episode 8 love in the air prapai and sky that no one asked for lol💨☁️

With love in the air almost just about 2 years later and my countless rewatches 😙 I want to talk about prapai and sky story arc in more detail from my pov!

Episode 8 (the first meeting) so with their first meeting I'm not going to lie it wasn't the most romantic BUT the first time they laid eyes on each other you can already sense this attraction of both ends from them. Prapai obviously as we know being the quote on quote "playboy" he slept around. And when we rewatching I don't know if he was intending to take someone from the race track that night or not but it seemed like he made up his mind when he had made eye contact with sky. And seemingly seeing the situation he was in with being caught by the guards he swooped in and took his chance.

Speaking of them making eye contact, that scene alone is so enticing! Cause not just the music and the sudden abrupt pause of it when they lock eyes!! When watching you hear a sharp knife sound when prapai notices sky first and he's surrounded by this bright red in the back. Red is a clear sign of danger and / or desire it's very exciting and draws you into what prapai is going to do next. But also this obvious sense of confidence that prapai has in this moment he's sure of himself.

Then the purple and blue that looms over sky and then both them! (Heavily when they get into the bedroom scenes) It's kinda an ultraviolet and indigo hue. As I said again, it's so intriguing. It's passionate and intense these two when they clash intimately. Watching them talk, you have a sense of mystery cause you don't know what's gonna happen.

And this insight into the way it's shot they make prapai look like this big bad wolf. And sky looks very much so innocent and somewhat lost for words. I mean he probably is thinking of how handsome this man is, this man who just saved him. And having a sliver of hope that this guy is actually not like his ex. Because as we know sky being there already brings up a lot of unwanted feelings because he knows of this place because of his ex. And so he is surrounded as he says with a bunch of a holes because they were associated with his ex.

Also while we're here the way prapai proposed the choice for sky to leave with him or just leave the race track on his own. Cause It's at least clear to me that prapai wasn't forcing sky he gave him a choice! Prapai wouldn't have even stopped sky if he wanted to leave he would've let him go.

(Also they've shown us how pai treats the ppl he sleeps with and he's actually very kind to them he's very gentle and overall a really decent guy)

Sky chose to sleep with prapai to pay back the favor. He made that conscious decision, and you don't have to like it, of course, but he did. And it was very much a necessity as he says himself but we can also see how very much sky was in charge of it all. Cause Sky most likely was very much attracted to pai, but after pai started talking, he proved Sky's point of what he thought. Maybe prapai wasn't, and that's an asshole. Also sky is very emotionally and mentally broken he thinks so low of himself he self- loathes a lot and so he feels that he put himself in this position and sadly he believes it's all that he's good for.

When sky leaves his place we see him have this regretful look and he says it everyone he runs into is a asshole prapai is a asshole very badly of prapai which is understandable so when you know that he now

And it's telling cause prapai tells him as we know in ep 13 he wished he would have met him sooner. After hearing sky bare his heart out about everything he had went through. And sky says it's okay cause they did eventually. Especially when you know the circumstances of how they met and as know it wasn't the ideal meeting. It made Sky's first impression of prapai not look so good in the beginning. But for sky saying we did meet and he wouldn't have changed anything about how it happened. Because if he did he probably wouldn't be where he is now.

So when they go for the second round, they show sky's face, and you can see him here, forcing himself and his clear detachment from it all although he chooses to go again. After praipai initiates, he's disappointed at himself. He's mad that he's lying here in his bed that he's put himself in this position again. While prapai obviously doesn't know anything about Sky atp, when Sky Leaves, he can't even get him to tell him name! because again, for pai, this is just what he does he has one night stands.

And then the scene when sky gets the sunflowers I know sky said he didn't want it and even felt bad that he was about to even trash them but as we know he couldn't and ended up just giving them to the lady at the front desk of his apartment complex lol. But this gesture obviously really touched sky's heart even if he didn't want to actually feel anything about it he did. But immediately he did what he would usually told himself to not get his hopes up basically cause he's the last person prapai would ever actually go for. Sky doesn't want to admit it but he really liked the flowers he chuckled at prapai cheesy yet charming line of "the sunflowers facing the sky I can't be the Sun for you but whenever you see sunflowers remember that this winds watching over the sky" it's the first time someone has shown him a affectionate gesture. His fear of his trauma makes him not want to get close he talks himself out of even entertaining pai cuz a part of him does want to but he's not going to lie himself to do so. It's his obvious clear internal struggle that we see throughout their story sky arc open up his heart but to afraid to let potentially all of that hurt and pain in again.

That's all for now I wanna do this for the rest of their arc in the next coming weeks so I'll see when after love sea ends cause I'll be in my withdrawals lol

[strogoff-era]

Why I also love Lt Graham Gore : aka me talking about my fav for far too long

This post is a companion of @earthshine-moon's post about Graham Gore ! Very good post, go read it ! Also we focus on different scenes so i think our posts are complementary

First, i just want to come back to the sleigh pulling scene. Many people hc Gore to be friend with Goodsir, and this is a very good hc. However, I dont think they're meant to be in the canon. They feel like they haven't interacted much before. And that makes Gore even nicer !! He didn't have to listen to Goodsir talk that much during the walk. He doesn't know that dude ! He could have told him to shut up but he didn't !

Also his behavior in that scene is very stricking to me not only because this is the first time we have a focus on him, but also because of the contrast with his previous scenes.

When Gore is around Franklin or Fitzjames, he is so much more serious. I think this is both professionalism and "my boss sucks ://". But when he is the highest ranking and has to take care of a group, he is thriving.

(the rest under the cut, bc im nice to your dash)

Expanding a bit on Gore's sentiment toward his superiors : Gore is very attentionate toward the crew. You can totally see it with his interaction with Goodsir, but also by how relaxed his sleigh team seems around him.

There is also the diving scene. Graham is not the focus, but he is there with Dundy and Des Voeux. (Btw, i absolutely love how Des Voeux is the lieutenants' intern. They bring him everywhere and he hates it. Just look at him during this scene, he's hilarious). When Collins asks for a surgeon and Franklin & Fitzjames refuse, you can see him frown and look at James. He knows he can't say anything but he clearly disagree. If Collins needs the reassurance of a surgeon, why not bring one ? It isn't too much to ask ? And when he leaves, you can also see he's pissed about this.

It's also in this scene where he does the adorable Nintendogs™ head tilt. I need a gif of it so bad.

Another scene I want to talk about is not actually in the show, but we have it in the script. You remember that scene where Irving shouts at Manson for being scared in the hold and Hickey goes to help him ? In the first version, it was Dundy in Irving's place and Gore in Hickey's. We were robbed !!! I couldn't find the right extract in the script and the link I found doesn't work but here is a post with a proof. I owe my life to anyone who will send me the full script of that scene.

It's hard to determine what the scene is meant to convey since I haven't read it in its context. But Gore is not afraid to call out another lieutenant in front of the men if he thinks he was in the wrong.

Also, I think "Title's no substitute to for common sense" explains his disagreement with Franklin and Fitzjames. Just because there is a power difference between you and someone doesn't mean you should take advantage of it. Had Gore survived past episode 2, I think this sentence would have summed up his decision making.

This post already took too long to write so I'm gonna end it with a bullet list of all the cool things I couldn't include :

When Des Voeux is disrespectful of the Netsilik, Gore disagrees with him. Many acting details I quoted in this post aren't in the script, but Gore being against Des Voeux on this is clearly written.

Also in the script, Gore is described as Sir John's "favorite son". Some food for the "lieutenants and their captain have a family dynamic" lovers ! But also a really good ground for Little-Gore parallels that could be great to explore in fics !

Historical Graham Gore also comes from a naval family and made his debut on his father's boat :)

Actually Sir John and Gore's relationship lives rent free in my head. Sir John loves him but not enough to write an eulogy for him, instead rambling about Jacob's Ladder for minutes before dropping his lieutenant's name right at the end. Nothing is about Gore in this speech, we learn nothing about him. I don't think this was on purpose, Sir John is just like that. But that raises the question whether he liked the Lieutenant or the man wearing that title

Both Sir John and Crozier calls him Graham btw

Historical Crozier and Graham had already met before ! Crozier was a mate on Graham's dad's ship, the one where Graham made his debut on the sea ! :D Graham was 11 at that time. Please make this fact into a Terror hc, it is very cute

Another historical fact that should become fanon : Graham played the flute

And finally, the most important fact about the Lieutenant Graham Gore : In the script, Jacko was supposed to go in his arms instead of Irving. Monkey likes him

[m3r1m4r5u333]

So I just need to ramble some more about Eddie being queer-coded, and especially bi-coded. And pining. Always pining.

5x11 is an interesting episode. The episode is called "Outside looking in". Which btw makes me think of some stuff I've posted about before - how Eddie feels like queerness is not an option for him. He's watching from a distance, outside looking in. Sure, he'll support other queer people, but what about himself? Not an option.

Religious family, perhaps the lingering fear of losing Christopher's custody, fear of making his son's childhood even harder, and also I think... Just fear of discovery. I think Eddie has pined after Buck for a long, long time, and fears that people would realise how he really feels if he came out. It would be like stepping under a spotlight with no payofff. Just awkward, embarrassing because he thinks his feelings are a dead end. First he thought Buck was straight. And then even Buck turning out to not be straight changed nothing - Buck is already dating someone else, gushing about him to Eddie.

Anyway... Outside looking in. It's a very Eddie-centric episode, focuses a lot on Eddie's identity. He's quit 811 and works at a call center. The job doesn't suit him. It's dull, feels meaningless. He quickly becomes bored, sad, lonely. He's lost his identity, even his scars are missing when he gets ready for the day.

An interesting bit about Eddie's daily routine montage is the music that plays during it. It's Are you down to ride? by Skegss. Very queer-sounding!

"Let's pretend like we've done this all before

So much wilderness to go and explore

Your imagination is the best recreation

Remove the mask you're wearing and overcome your fear

Cut it with your smile and show the world what you're really like..."

...There's also the repeated flip, an alternating question of "Are you down to ride?/Are you down for life". The song is all about trying to overcome fear, to embrace your true self.

I won't quote the entire song but overall, there are lots of lines that sound like hints to hidden queerness. First of all, "so much wilderness to go and explore"? The montage also shows a framed photograph in Eddie's room. Curious "wilderness" there - a picture of some very phallic looking cacti!

"...This is it, this is what you were made to be

Yeah, might seem strange to you

It's as strange as hell to me..."

The word strange of course always makes me think of queerness, too. That's what the word queer used to mean. So strangeness, combined with the line about "this being what you were made to be". Curious.

Then the dialogue in that montage.

May telling Eddie that "the word of the day" ... ("..???". It's a fancy word I couldn't catch, I'm not a native english speaker),

means "to leave abruptly."

Which combined with the music about overcoming fears, removing a mask... naturally makes me think of coming out of the closet. Also, there's Eddie's abrupt decision to quit the team, and even his big decision to move away from the overwhelming pressure of his religious family.

The decision to quit the team forms after Eddie is hurt on the job. But it also forms after Eddie starts dating Ana, and after the relationship fails spectacularily - due to Eddie not loving her, and clearly not being ready to move on.

Personally I feel like Eddie freaks out about his strong connection to Buck and that is one reason why he wants to quit the team. It's there in that panic attack scene at the fire station. So many hints of unrequited feelings, and so much staring at Buck. So I think part of the reason why Eddie quits his job..? It's to gain some distance to Buck.

Eddie in Outside, looking in... The word of the day being "to leave abruptly"...?

It also has that scene in which Buck and Taylor come to Eddie's for dinner and Eddie tells Buck that Buck needs to move on, Eddie has. (It's obviously a lie, Eddie is a mess.)

When May whips out that word about leaving abruptly..., Eddie isn't a fan of it, wryly says "And I thought "bamboozle" was the word of the day lowpoint". (Bamboozle = to trick or deceive someone, often by confusing them)

Moving on isn't easy. Leaving the closet isn't easy. Deceit, tricks, confusion... no fun either.

Anyway, back to bi-coded dialogue.

There's Linda, another colleague, who keeps recommending Eddie some recipes. Btw I think I've said this before but. To me it sure sounds like this show loves making food related sex jokes!

In another episode we have Buck (a bisexual) telling Bobby and Athena that he likes their cooking equally.

Then there's Eddie later, in season 7, talking about his relationship troubles with Marisol, getting a text from Marisol who wants to know what Eddie wants for dinner. Buck suggests sushi, Eddie answers "The menu is not the issue."

And color me crazy if you like, but as far as I understand, it's a pretty old euphemism that men are "meat" and women are "fish"... So jokes about liking "fish". Sure sound like euphemisms to sex with women.

Anyway, back to Linda and recipes.

Eddie sees Linda, tells her

"By the way, you were right about the fish sauce! Never would have thought of it."

Linda answers "Told you. Umami levels off the charts!"

Eddie promises Josh to get to work right away. Then goes to post public service announcements on social media.

But turns out it's "Exit ramps closed..."

And in the montage his printer won't work. He makes a press release about a structure fire. A structure fire... sounds like an identity crisis.

Eddie's daily routine montage continues. He cooks breakfast for Chris and tells him to

'eat up so he can focus at school.'

Eddie calls him Bud as he says that. Which sure sounds to me like meta writing to the buddie fans. "Hey buddies, now's the time to get ready for school - pay attention!"

So pay attention to what, what happens after that, how are we schooled?

Eddie takes Chris to school, gets to work, and is seen talking to Linda again.

Eddie: Are you sure about this?

Linda, very confidently: Equal parts potato and butter!

Then Eddie is seen posting about "traffic collisions". One taking place at Sepulveda 405 fwy. Sepulveda is btw derived from spanish, and means "to bury". And 405? Could it be an episode? I think it is. And that one, season 4, episode 5... It's Buck begins.

Interesting, how that episode also has someone running away from his family: Buck. There's Buck, learning to ride his bike, running from home, running to Maddie to be patched up because he crashed on his bicycle.

Has Eddie maybe "crashed his bike", and gotten hurt, too, and that's made him quit the team abruptly?

Then the montage with Eddie in Outside, looking in, it also includes a child on the phone asking Eddie...

"Are you a real fire fighter?" Eddie says yes, I'm a real firefighter.

We've heard that question before! Another child sneeringly asks that same thing from Buck when he's forced to do desk duty.

(It's in that super buddie-coded episode, Monsters, the one with the crows who are repeatedly called buddies.

The crows attack young boys who torment them, the team wonders if the crows are waiting for these boys to come out.)

So... In Monsters, a boy asks Buck if he's even a real firefighter, Buck says that he is.

Which rather makes me think of bi erasure once again. The persistent belief that bisexuality isn't "a real" sexual orientation. "Oh everyone is "bi" these days, it's trendy!/You just made this up to get attention/You're really just gay/straight and won't admit it...

It's all about "You're not even real". The inability to take the bisexuality seriously is a never-ending reaction to us bisexuals. We are thought to be these mythological creatures, unicorns.

So I think it's very interesting that this is asked of Buck, and later of Eddie.

"Are you even a real firefighter?"

Very similar to this repeated challenge of... "Are you even a real person?"

Bisexuality is always very quickly dismissed as an option. It's apparent in this fandom too.

This actually reminds me of another scene in which Eddie once again calls Chris Buddy... And tries to tell him about meeting Ana, and really liking her. Chris is making a salad as Eddie starts talking about Ana, is enraged to hear about Eddie dating this woman, throws the salad on the floor, storms out. Eddie is left alone, collecting the pieces of that salad bowl. He looks sad.

Another thing that makes me return to the idea that Eddie is bi/pan? The hints about his relationships failing and dating being a performance - because he can't move on.

Right before Eddie asks Ana out, there's this emergency with that rapper dude. The episode is Jinx, the same one in which the team is trapped inside their truck due to deathly amounts of electricity. (Subtext!)

Jinx also has the clowns. Which I'd made crazy posts about before so to briefly summarize - I think the clowns are the queer audience, choking on the queerness of Buck and Eddie together.

Anyway, that rapper in Jinx:

Izzy chainz... Stuck on you. Or maybe,

Is it chains to be stuck on you? Catch me here - a qr code. Or a queer code?

That's Eddie, really. Not having moved on.

But Eddie tries to move on. Even though he's not ready. Eddie needs pep talks from Bobby to go on dates. He's not really ready to move on from Shannon, has not processed her death, their marriage failing.

But he hurls himself into that relationship anyway... And then anxiety builds. It's a sum of several factors, but still.

The panic attacks are quite revealing. They build a picture of Eddie not only being over Shannon, but also realising that he's now stuck on Buck as well, and cannot handle losing him.

One panic attack - when he sees a patient who looks startingly like Buck. Another when someone thinks Ana is Christopher's mother - making Eddie remember Shannon. And likely also Buck, because Ana's reaction is not only to deny that she's Christopher's mother. She also continues saying "I'm just a friend!" Much like Buck, who keeps parenting Chris despite not being a parent to Chris, despite being just a friend to Eddie.

Third panic attack... when Ravi thinks Ana is Eddie's wife - even though Eddie clearly doesn't love her, even forgot to introduce her because quite frankly, he's too distracted by Buck.

Is it chains, stuck on you..." Yes. Certainly, there are lots of chains stopping Eddie from moving on.

Those 'chains' made Eddie's relationship with Ana an impossible up-hill battle from the start, they're the reason why that relationship ends up failing. He does not pursue her freely, genuinely, he is trying to fall for a concept of them together.

The breakup also hints that Eddie's been catching feelings for Buck, and is left reeling, trying to understand them, and get over them.

But he still hasn't. They've always been there, from the way he just jumps into making Buck his family, to present day in season 7 where Marisol struggles to place her bag on Eddie's hallway table. There's just no space for someone like Marisol to set down their belongings, they joined this race years too late.

The space is already taken. The toy truck Buck gifted to Chris years ago takes too much the space for anyone else to get too comfortable. It's the first thing Eddie wants to see when he comes home. That's quite telling.

[mdhwrites]

So, what did you think of the scene in Escape from Amphibia which made Marcy's stab into a total joke with Anne's mom pretending to stab Anne, and playing that for comedy with Anne showing no sign of being affected by that (does this mean Marcy's stab didn't matter in the long run)? Like there's comedy and there's just being insulting. Possibly the most serious moment in the show gets turned into a complete joke, it's a pretty terrible moment.

So the moment in narrative is just fine. It's a cute family moment that explains why Anne has a lightsaber later to fight the FBI. With the idea that it makes Marcy being stabbed not matter that's just... dumb. For a couple reasons. The first is simple: Why would this trigger Anne? If Anne had been the one to be stabbed, this should be traumatic. Anyone grabbing her from behind honestly would be. She only saw it from the front though. I will admit that yes, they do make it a different type of sword likely to reference back to it on a meta level but not only is this so fast that Anne probably wouldn't appreciate the yellow blade, if they were really trying to have Anne be accidentally triggered (which would NOT have fit with the normal tone of Amphibia, let alone what's going on that episode) they would have had her Oum go "Look what you made me do." Instead she partial quotes Star Wars as a fun moment of family bonding. It's not the best joke, I think the decision to change the blade to make it more explicitly reference the stab was not a great choice but it doesn't trivialize the stab.

No what trivializes the stab is the fact that Marcy is fridged by doing it. Actually, she's fridged TWICE in the span of half a season as becoming the Core is effectively the same and the fact that the writers were willing to do this does highlight my one major issue with Amphibia's writing as a whole.

Marcy is not seen as a character, kind of like Willow. She's better because she has a much clearer personality and is genuinely more fun to have on screen than Willow but that doesn't stop her from being mostly for other characters. Her first two appearances both are all about Anne telling us character traits about her and how those traits affect her rather than actually playing off of Marcy. The First Temple is exactly the same because we're told about a problem with Marcy that even by then, you can clearly see isn't true and is trivially solved during the episode as it mostly revolves around Hop Pop and Anne.

Even Maddie's episode with her is much more to use her as the moral compass for Maddie rather than explore her finally making a proper friend in Amphibia. New Wartwood is her best episode BY FAR because it's genuinely about her and her struggles.

Speaking of, let's get back to the fact that she was fridged, TWICE, just to make Andrias feel bad. She is effectively written out of the show for almost an entire season for the sake of adding depth and inner conflict to Andrias. It creates my one real issue with the finale where you just have this uncomfortable feeling everytime Marcy talks because she is literally the SAME as when we met her at the gates. Nothing has affected her and she has no real opinions on anything and with how brutally they treated her, it's kind of messed up.

It's actually part of a theory I have, that I won't go into too hard here, that Marcy is vestigial. She comes from the fact that three friends were a base part of the concept before they figured what to do with all three. They even make a point of it in the show that Anne and Sasha's relationship is so dynamic and complex and deep that it literally leaves no room for Marcy.

She is the worst part of the show to me because of this treatment... Which is also probably why I don't care about the meta reference to the stabbing of her with Oum's sword. It's awkward but it's not really all that different from how Marcy is treated so I care more about the fact that the scene flows decently well and that it emphasizes Anne's love and connection with her parents during an episode where she has to wrestle with saying goodbye to them.

And I wish that wasn't my best defense for the scene because yeah, if there's one thing I'd change about Amphibia, it would be to treat Marcy better.

======+++++======

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

And finally a Twitter you can follow too!

[alj4890]

If you get this, answer with three random facts about yourself and send it to the last seven blogs in your notifs! Anon or not, doesn’t matter!

Oof, I got five of these requests now 😂 Does that mean fifteen facts? I'll try to do three for each ask. I'm nowhere near interesting enough for this 🤣 Thanks @jerzwriter @angelasscribbles @twinkleallnight @peonierose @aussiegurl1234 for the asks 🥰

1. I have never left the United States. There were multiple times where I'd planned a trip or planned on spending a semester of school out of the country, but something major would happen to keep me stuck here 🤣 I don't think I'll ever get out of here😂

2. I'm an only child who grew up outside of Memphis, TN on fifty acres of land. My only neighbors were family members. My cousins are fourteen, eleven, and nine years older than me, so it was up to my imagination to entertain myself 😂

3. I married an only child. My husband and I decided to have at least two children after his father became seriously ill with his heart and we saw how hard it was on my husband in having to make all the decisions concerning life support. That's how I ended up being the mother of two.

4. I've never had to study. If I read something once, I'm able to remember just about all of it. Not really a photographic memory but close to it. I'm the same with hearing something. I can usually walk out of a movie theater, quoting lines from certain scenes.

5. I never wanted a big wedding (even though I have a huge extended family) because I hate being the center of attention. I dreamed of eloping somewhere beautiful, on a spur of the moment decision. I kinda got my dream. My husband gave in to eloping in the Smoky Mountains during a very snowy January, but he wanted it planned with a tux and wedding dress and just our parents. I gave in and was happy I did after finding the perfect dress and in seeing how much it meant to our parents

6. When I was twenty-nine, I had to have a complete hysterectomy. Benign tumors had taken over my ovaries and were embedded in my uterus. The ones in my uterus had grown and stretched it to the point where it was the size it would have been if I was three months pregnant. Since I wasn't pregnant, it was some of the worst physical pain I've ever experienced with it pressing into various nerves in my back and pelvic region. I've never been more excited to have surgery than that day.

7. I'm not really a crier. I can watch sad movies, lose loved ones, be depressed, but the tears rarely fall. People have been shocked and thought I either didn't really love them or that I have no heart. Trust me, I do, I just don't really cry. The few times I have broken down and actually had tears, my loved ones and friends have panicked not knowing what to do since I'm supposed to be the stoic one of the bunch. It ends up being like that scene in Sense and Sensibility when Emma Thompson breaks down 🤣 Everyone freezes or tries to leave the room 😂

8. I love to laugh and joke around. I have both a silly and extremely sarcastic sense of humor. I use humor in everything and as often as I can. I'm the one you sit by during serious situations if you want to diffuse the tension with a giggle. I've even made people laugh at funerals during my eulogies (all respectful and usually just a funny, sweet anecdote about my loved one). Life is too precious to not find all the little bits of joy we can.

9. I did everything that my late aunt predicted I would in life. She said I would get a teaching degree, which I did. She said I would meet my husband before I graduated college, which I did. She then said I would teach a few years before having my first child, which I did. She then said I would probably get my masters degree between my first and second child, which I swore I was done with college when I graduated but I did do that very thing and got my M.A.Ed. focusing on library sciences between having my two. And to make it all the sweeter, I ended up being like her with having two sons who were exactly the same years and months apart in age as hers were. She was beyond thrilled that I was just like her in that aspect 😂

10. I always thought I would have girls (most of my family has nothing but girls or at least one) Me and my late aunt were the only two to have nothing but boys. It worked out great for me. I've never been into fashion, not really into anything really girly, can't fix hair at all 🤣, and always loved all the superheroes, video games, and Star Wars stuff that makes me the perfect mom for my two boys.

11. I love classic movies. The silent era, the thirties (especially Pre-Code) and the forties are my favorites. I'm amazed with the special effects, the stunning sets, stories, and amazing acting the stars of the Golden Age of Hollywood created. I will devour not only their films, but biographies on anyone working during that time, documentaries, and any tidbit I can find. I was born during the wrong era.

12. I truly believe I could survive happily on nothing but cheese dip, chips, and salsa. And peppers! Jalapeno and Pepperoncini are my favorites. Ghost pepper is becoming a favorite too. Last night, I made a bowl of peppers and ate them like popcorn while watching TV. I love to burn 🤣

13. Winter is my favorite season. Snow is beautiful and I wish I lived somewhere where it was guaranteed to fall for months on end. That's the dream. One day, I hope to move either to Wyoming or to Maine (I've visited both and fell in love with both of them) 😂

14. The hardest thing I've ever experienced in my life was when I suffered a miscarriage. It was my first pregnancy and it was one that wasn't planned. My husband and I had only been married for about six or seven months when I discovered I was pregnant. I was over the moon excited. I bought maternity clothes, started buying baby things like little outfits, bows, toys, etc. Then I started cramping near the end of the third month. Tests were done and it showed the baby stopped developing at eight weeks. No heartbeat. Nothing. I was devastated. I actually prayed I would die during the D and C. I hoped I would have an allergic reaction and die right there on the operating table. I thought it would be easier for my family to lose me that way. I felt like my body had betrayed me in the worst possible way. I hated it and I couldn't stand the depression that set in. This was one of the few times I cried, especially when I woke up after the procedure and saw I'd survived. I continued to pray for death for a few months after it. I knew I couldn't hurt my family by commiting suicide, nor could I talk to them about my feelings, so I begged God to make my heart stop, make my car run off the road and hit a tree, anything to stop the pain I felt. I then begged my husband for a divorce. I didn't want to be around anyone. I didn't want comfort, couldn't stand for anyone to touch me or hug me. I hated our home and the memories it now held for me. I wanted to simply disappear and feel nothing. I didn't want to talk to anyone, respond to what was going on around me, pretend that life was still going on. It was the darkest time in my life. I've written about the one night I broke down the hardest with my husband in a Thomas Hunt fic which was almost cathartic. Everything he and my OC say is the conversation my husband and I had that long and painful night. It still hurts after all these years later, though nowhere near that it once did, and every May I can't help but think I should be celebrating my first child's birthday.

15. That above fact shouldn't be one to end on, so let's end with something funny. With my oldest son, I had an ultrasound to find out if he was a boy or girl on April 1st. Our technician was known to joke around, so I was highly doubtful I was having a boy. I was convinced she was pulling an April Fool's prank on me 🤣 Until he popped out and the proof was in front of me, I thought he might end up really being a girl so I made sure to have a gender neutral outfit packed just in case it really was a joke 😂

[lazzarella]

Reluctantly, I'll admit I wasn't 100% feeling it this week, but I don't like to be negative in the tag so I'll leave it at that. And I still wrote three pages of notes 🤣 so, here we go:

(Okay, so while writing these notes up from my handwritten ones, the issues I had with the episode while watching don't seem as important and helped me see the episode as a whole, and how it furthers Yak and Dee's story. I still hope we get more from Dee's side of his past, but I'm also just trying to accept media on its own terms, instead of what I wish it would be)

- Right in the deep end with the family drama!

- Yak saying 'can you hug me?' in that little voice just broke me!! And then crying as Dee hugs him! ;__;

- Awww! Dee looks so proud and happy when Yak eats <3 god, I love Dee!

- "Your hug is really warm!" That's so cute! And that whole conversation was really lovely

- "I love you the most, more than anyone" Ahhhh, my heart! I bet Dee's never heard that before, or been prioritised like that, except for by his grandma

- Picking Dee up and spinning him around! I am WEAK for this!

- Okay, I love them both doing their own thing in Dee's apartment! Very domestic and boyfriend-y

- Shoulder rub!! Yak is so sweet and attentive <3

- When Yak said his own big brother is his idol, I just about melted! No matter how angry he gets at Yei, it's always been obvious how much he idolises him <33

- "You'll always have me by your side!" DEEEEEEE!

- Ahhh! Yak looks so disarmed when Dee hugs him without being asked!!

- I just want more Yak and Dee :( (I can't remember what was going on in this part now lol but I was pouting about not enough Yak and Dee on my screen, but see note at top about how that doesn’t bother me as much now 🙈)

- Gosh, Yak is so pretty!

- Aww! Dee went with them!!!!! I mean, of course he did, but that actually surprised me?

- I love how Dee managed to both deny being Yak's bf but also not? Or, well, when Yak said close enough he didn't deny it <333

- also!!! Yak not only saying this is my boyfriend but he is the one???!!!! Damn!

- "Are you two cursed?" LMAO! Pretty bold to be cracking jokes about your estranged sons Papa Phadetseuk lol

- "We settle conflicts with punches" well, that's healthy! XD

- "Let me help you!" Oh, Yak <3 "Let me help. A hundred years or so from now, I believe, a famous novelist will write a classic using that theme. He'll recommend those three words even over I love you." (Time to break out the Star Trek quotes)

- "If it's heavy you can put it down" aaaaaand that's when I started bawling ;__;

- That house looks familiar 🤔

- LMAO! I love Yak's shirt that says "Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?" Wise words, sexy tank top, wise words!

- Cher already getting Dee in on calming the waters between Yei and Yak—he's truly a part of the family!

- Cher saying Yak and Yei's mum would be happy that her son's sweethearts were helping and Dee not deflecting and just being happy! Also, how cute was Dee when he was apologising to Yak’s mum for not making the wreath well?? Fuck, I love him ;__;

- Dee's smile when he's talking to Cher and Yak's step-mum about whatever it was (I was SO tired last night)—choices and love, I think—and it kind of looks like he's made a decision about Yak maybe? Just the way he's smiling?

- not entirely sure I understand what was going on in the ceremony—is the touching thing for family? Was it a way to show they've accepted their step-mum? I don't really know what to google to figure that out, but maybe when my brain is on I'll think of what terms to use lol

- this is nice, but I just want Yak and Dee!! 😭 (sorry, lol, I’m being a brat)

- But Yei asking for a reward from Cher! lol he and Yak truly are brothers haha

- the karaoke song is cute! This whole scene is very cute!

- Ahhh! Cher and Dee in the family photo! Idt Dee has ever really felt like part of a family so this is so important for him ;__;

- OMG LITTLE DEE!!!! Nooooo! He's so tiny and this is so sad! D:

- YES! FINALLY! Yak and Dee alone lol (...is the background music rockabye baby?????)

- Oh, I KNEW IT! I KNEW he had absent parents even before they died and that he never felt loved by them! VINDICATION! (Okay, not that much vindication because the show made it kind of obvious but still lol)

- Fuck! Is he so good at hugging because he puts all the love he wished he'd felt from his parents into them??

- Oh damn, crying again with Yak stroking Dee's hair! ;__;

- (This whole conversation just broke me! Like, I knew this was what was going on with Dee, but hearing him talk about it... Ahhh! Dee <33333)

- Yak going to Dee's grandma is quite lovely

- THE VIDEO!!! Ahhhhh, fuckkkkkkkk. This episode made me cry like no other has made me cry D:

- Oh, Dee! He has such a big heart and so much love and warmth!!

- MORE KISSING!!!

- Okay, but the moments leading up to the kiss, where you see that realisation on Dee's face... That just made me so happy!

- ...lmao, okay, the preview is all serious, serious, serious, CLOWNS!

- INN'S SONG! YAY! I really like this song! It's so cute :3

[seoul-bros]

Decision to Leave - the RM connection

I saw Decision to Leave (2022) on the plane coming home on Friday. It's written and directed by Park Chan-Wook who also made the SK film classics Old Boy and The Handmaiden.

Watching the trailer again I can see real parallels with the style of The Handmaiden which was a film that stayed with me long after the credits rolled.

I found this review and I think it hits upon all the main themes and says many of the things I would have wanted to say about the film but in a more elegant and eloquent way.

It's clear that Decision to Leave also means something special to RM. In a recent interview with Park Chan Wook he said this in response a question on South Korea as a brand.

In September 2022, Namjoon posted the following quotes from the movie.

11/09/22 RM's Instagram Story (Trans cr: Aditi @ bts-trans)

1. Hae-jun  (Keeping his eyes on the binoculars, pushing the massager away with one hand)  For some, sorrow comes crashing in waves. For others, it spreads gradually, like ink in water.

2. Seorae's 'aha' expression. (She hands over the umbrella and ties his unravelled shoelace) Hae-jun: I always try my best to look straight at people. If you look at the corpses we find at sites, about half of them have their eyes open.

3. Hae-jun: You said I was classy, didn't you? Do you know where that class comes from? It's pride. I was a policeman with pride. But in my madness over a woman, I screwed up the investigation. I......am completely shattered.

The shattered scene is devastating and central to the whole movie.

Namjoon also posted the following mountain climbing clip where he uses some of the dialogue from the film.

25/09/22 RM's Instagram Story (Trans cr: Aditi @ bts-trans)

So it was not surprising that he should choose to pay tribute to one of his favourite films through music. This week he released an alternate version of Closer with clips from the film. I think this MV would be quite confusing to anyone who didn't understand the whole context but it does show that Namjoon is a lover of film noir and its take on love (obsessive and tragic).

"Decision to Leave X RM 'Closer' (with Paul Blanco, Mahalia) Collabo M/V, Made a little lofi arrangement to better match the mood of the film!, It's an honor to do this for the movie I love."

And while we are talking about soundtrack music the song Mist by Jung Hoon Hee is repeated at various points in the film and really adds to the ambience of the film and its exploration of the femme fatale trope.

Post Date: 26/02/2023

[imminent-danger-came]

Unhinged Anon, back again! And so incapable of not bugging you with lmk thoughts that I apparently have my own tag now? Thank you but also I’m so sorry??? The monkie show has made me insufferable, and I’m afraid you’ve become the primary target of my insanity. 

Anyways, your tdp soundtrack post got me thinking. Since they haven’t released an official lmk soundtrack (for some reason. LEGO/Flying Bark/whoever makes that decision, we will give you our money just PLEASE GIVE US THE MONKIE MUSIC), I was wondering what your… lets call it 10 (or however many you want to do) favorite tracks from the show are, and more importantly: What would you name each of them?

For example, I love the track that plays in Benched where Tang gives his speech to Macaque and then Pigsy starts singing, and I’d probably name it “There Will Always Be Hope” because goooood I love that speech. Plus, that quote feels pretty relevant to the moment where the leitmotif (I think that’s the right term? I know very little about music and composing) pops up again in Destiny Fulfilled. Anyways, hope you’re having a lovely day! *waves from the precipice of madness*

You always leave me such quality thoughts I thought I'd just give myself a good way to find them faster! BUT YES THIS IS A REALLY FUN ASK. I'll do 6 I think, in no particular order:

1.) The song that plays while scroll Subodhi is talking to MK in front of the stone in 4x06, it drives me insane. I shall dub it "It Was Used to Form Another" or even "Time Will Tell".

2.) The track that plays at the beginning of 4x01 while our mysterious hooded figure picks up the scroll piece. I love all the music associated with the scroll/curse in general. Let's call it the "The Brink of Chaos"

3.) The music during Mei's "We trusted you" speech in 3x10 is AMAZING. I'll call it "Mei's Lament" since her theme plays in minor during those scenes.

4.) The main theme that plays during MK's big "patience and focus" scene during the climax of 1x09. I feel like honestly that's just the main theme of the show, so "Main Theme" or "The Monkie Kid".

5.) The music that plays behind Azure and the Jade Emperor's fight in 4x10, or honestly even their whole convo in general. Let's call it "Was there a Point Where You Questioned It".

6.) The music that plays at the end of 2x10 while Lady Bone Demon crystalizes MK and then the rest of the city, the haunting choir there is SO GOOD. "Destiny Found You".

*waves back from the precipice of madness*

[voyageofthenautilus]

Mod Blue's Thoughts

Finally able to write up my thoughts on the last few chapters of 20k Leagues. Both myself and Mod Pluto have been very busy with other things, so we may not getting around to reading/reblogging everyone's posts in a timely manner, but I personally have been enjoying following along with what everyone has to say!

The Red Sea

-I like Aronnax's knowing, "hint-hint" comment to Nemo at the end of this chapter: " It would be most unfortunate if such a secret were to die with its inventor!” And how Nemo just changes the subject immediately. Come to think of it, I love the way the dialogue in this story is structured. Lots of back and forth without too many descriptions of the way it's being spoken, or what the characters are doing/how they look when they say it, and yet the dialogue itself completely gets across the way they're saying it and how they look. Reminds me of a script, almost.

-I wonder if Nemo praising the French explorers (de Lesseps is not the first one he praised in the story) is Verne's attempt at misdirecting the readers into believing that he's a Frenchman. (That, and the scene where [SPOILERS].) That would be very ironic if he were, and Aronnax didn't recognize a fellow countryman... but we all know he isn't (and I believe that can be inferred even without reading The Mysterious Island). Funny, then, that Nemo should have so much respect for the French, and now here's a Frenchman who showed up on the Nautilus- maybe that's one reason why he's attracted to him, because he admires his country.

-"There can be no secrets between men who will never leave each other." DAMN.

Arabian Tunnel

-Ned's skepticism about the tunnel at the beginning of the chapter is so amusing to me. "Who ever heard of such malarkey?" LOL. And of course, he's proven wrong.

-Actually, Ned is amusing throughout this whole chapter. "We're old chums, whales and I, and I couldn't mistake their little ways." LOL again. And "I've never killed anything like that!" (I'm honestly starting to wonder why Ned was made Canadian and not American, as some of his traits seem very stereotypically American- but I also enjoy that he COMPLETELY subverts the "nice Canadian" stereotype! (which of course is probably a more modern thing...))

-It's adorable how Conseil genuinely believed the dugong was a mermaid for like, half a second. That, and the comment about a second Nautilus. Does nothing faze this man?

-...Something tells me that dugongs don't work the way Jules Verne thinks they work.

The Greek Islands

-So yeah, the "neutral like Switzerland" quote was an invocation of Twilight, and I am so pleased to know there are people out there for whom this phrase was NOT ruined (because they never read the books/saw the movies), because my brain is unable to divorce this phrase from Kristen Stewart's delivery of it in the movie Eclipse. Anyway: things are starting to come to a head here, and it's about time. Aronnax has been thoroughly dazzled and absorbed by the Nautilus, and Ned is not having it at all. He has a life that he wants to get back to. No amount of scientific research and wonders can obscure the fact that he's a prisoner. And he's not going to accept any vague "surely this voyage will end!" comments from Aronnax, because deep down (or not so deep down), Aronnax doesn't want to leave, and Ned knows that if one person stays, everyone else will stay. So he's ready to make a decision, which Aronnax is not ready to do in the least. Acckkk, this conflict gets so much harder to read as the story goes along...

-Also, poor Conseil really needs to stop living and dying by Aronnax's decisions, as I said at the beginning of the book. But I feel like he might choose to stay as well, which complicates things for Ned even further.

-Originally I had the Feb. 14 and 15 emails scheduled as one big entry, before I realized that the 15th can be sent as its own email, so the heading we got for Feb. 14 is more appropriate for Feb. 15... but Valentine's Day or not, I fully believe that infodumping to Aronnax IS Nemo's love language.

-Y'all are so much smarter than me. Even having read this book a few times, I was just as much in the dark as Aronnax was about what Nemo was up to with the gold ingots.

-Speaking of which... the scene with Nemo doing all of this in full view of Aronnax and then immediately brushing it off, BWAHAHAHAHA.

The Mediterranean In Forty-Eight Hours

-"It was obvious to me that this Mediterranean, pinned in the middle of those shores he wanted to avoid, gave Captain Nemo no pleasure. Its waves and breezes brought back too many memories, if not too many regrets. " Kind of an oddly specific assumption to make, there...

-Interesting to read the bit about how the Earth will die from losing its heat. If anything, it's seemed to me in modern times that the Earth will die from becoming TOO hot. And funny comment about the Moon, too- now that the theory that the Moon was once a chunk of Earth that broke off in some sort of collision and fell into the planet's orbit has become the most commonly accepted one when it comes to how the Moon was formed, I'm very amused by the thought of people thinking in Verne's time that it had simply "lost its vital heat" like they predicted the Earth would eventually. (If I'm wrong about anything I've said here, please correct me!)

-“Then we have ample time to finish our voyage,” Conseil replied, “if Ned Land doesn’t mess things up!” Lmao, burn. Someone's feeling a little testy when it comes to Mr. Land? (I feel like this definitely shows that Conseil would prefer to stay on board, regardless of his "master.")

-"...although his catalog is a little dry..." Speak for yourself, Aronnax!

The Bay of Vigo

-Wow, Aronnax has got it BAD for Nemo, secretly hoping that Ned's plan will fail and worrying about causing him distress by leaving. Oh, Aronnax.

-"Never was hospitality more wholehearted than his." You say about the dude who drugged you and locked you in your room to keep you from spying on him?

-There's the portraits of freedom fighters! Yes!! Nemo definitely places himself among them, as we are going to see later in the chapter.

-I said it already, but that one part in this chapter where Nemo bursts in and completely derails Aronnax's train of thought never fails to amuse me, and is one of my favorite Nemo moments in the whole book.

-I'm half-convinced that Nemo knew they were planning to escape that night (although how would he know that?), because it seems VERY convenient that he'd show Aronnax the treasure of the Bay of Vigo right when Aronnax was planning to leave, thus ensnaring him further. (That, and the physical impossibility of getting to the surface in time...)

-FUCK YEAH the ending of this chapter! Nemo is 100% right in this regard (in my opinion anyway). When Aronnax was talking about the company assigned to recover the lost treasure, I was thinking... "there's no way he seriously believes the wealth would ever be distributed to those who need it?" But then again, Aronnax has proven himself to be surprisingly naïve and idealistic when it comes to the government and corporations (and tbh, naïve when it comes to individuals as well, seeing how deeply he trusts in Nemo). If only his love for Nemo would radicalize him... but his privilege may stand in the way of that.

A Lost Continent

-Major eye-roll at Aronnax trying to convince Ned that Nemo's not all that bad, really. Ned is already 100% set in his opinion that they need to get the hell off this ship and nothing Aronnax can say will change that. In fact, Ned probably just hears (what sounds to him like) demented ravings when Aronnax is talking about Nemo and what he witnessed.

-As for the rest of the chapter: GORGEOUS. And what a romantic notion in general, of Atlantis being discovered and explored under the sea.

[call-sign-shark]

I've been dying to comment on this masterpiece of psychological horror for days but I wanted to do it properly. In truth, I don't even know where to begin !! Beware, this is going to be very lengthy.

The thrill came right from the start, with Y/N and Bunny sitting on a couch and the two men standing up and discussing together about their captives as if they weren't there. The setting of this first scene is a brilliant way to show the two brothers' dominance and agency over their victims. Arthur's reactions are spotless from the beginning to the end. In fact, I think you did an excellent job at characterization when it comes to the two brothers. Your prose highlights the difference between them, with Arthur always convincing himself he does nothing wrong and sincerely not understanding why the girls want to leave them on the one hand, and with Tommy scheming revenge and keeping his cold blood on the other hand. His decision to give cocaine to his brother in an attempt to calm me made me shiver because coked-up Arthur is the more terrifying of all (and Bunny thinks the same). I wanted to quote a shorter chunk but the whole passage below is wonderful and so full of images I can perfectly picture/hear/feel. Like, this is so Arthur and Tommy coded, as Tom does in S5 when he slaps his stone brother.

" Here" Tommy said pulling out a small blue bottle of cocaine from his suit pocket which Arthur snatched out of his hand like a starved animal, snorting its contents within a few seconds. " After tonight we'll... Ey! Arthur, Listen!" Tommy said tapping the side of his brothers cheek in attempts to hold his attention as Arthur wiped the remnants of the white powder from his nose.

This, as well as your writing of Arthur's mannerisms and nervous speeches/way of moving, is perfection. I mean "Arthur thought to himself as he stood up straight, rolling his shoulders at the tension that had been building up" This is one of the many examples of it. With that being said, your portrayal of Tommy is also even more terrifying than it is in Killing Me Softly. I feel like he's getting more sexual and that he doesn't even hide his perversions anymore. This is a chilling decision you've made there, but an incredibly efficient one. He's so obsessed by having sex with poor restless Y/N that he sometimes spaces out looking at her, lost in his obscene fantasies.

The image of the two poor girls locking their hands under the table, clinging onto each other as if their life depended on it just broke my heart. Arthur spilling the bags' contents on the table in front of the ladies while his brother is watching their fright in pure satisfaction is positively awful. I also think it was such a clever idea to make them finish each other sentence during their hypocritical sermon about being betrayed and unappreciated... Boys? You're sequestrating and raping your girls, of course, you are '"unappreciated". Their delusion is insane. Similarly, their heated argument about the rhyme song Arthur is singing could have been fun if it was put in another context, but here it is just properly terrifying. In fact, it shows the extent of their madness and lack of consideration for the two sobbing women in the background.

" It's toe, if it wiggles..." He said stopping his finger at bunny, wagging his finger from side to side with a unhinged grin on his face. " I'm gonna come over there and make you wiggle" Arthur giggled climbing over the table to Bunny when Tommy kicked the bottom of his boot.

If I'm being honest it was so unexpected that I literally jumped a bit when I read that part, as if Arthur was really coming at me. I can pinpoint what exactly is the worse between the unhinged/creepy grin, his violent movements, or the suggestive "I'm gonna make you wiggle" but it's freakin' efficient Brummie. Once again I just love how Tommy is staying calm, being the head of the operations and the scheming mind. Of your entire series, I think this speech: "See this is the kind of shit you shouldn't fool for. Crocodile tears that's all that is. Arthur, please..." is one of the most terrifying things he has ever said. It's fun how his lack of empathy leads him to sincerely believe that Y/N and Bunny are the wicked, manipulative ones. This, combined with Arthur brutally flipping the table and exposing their hands is such a powerful horror move. I swear you're a Goddess at building tension.

" Sister in law's supporting eachother, it's gonna make me cry." Arthur taunted as Bunny's eyes snapped to him, her face suddenly going a deathly shade of white at the thought of being shackled to this crazed man for life. " Yehh that's right Bunny, gonna make a Shelby out of you one day. Put a Shelby in that belly too. Maybe we'll skip the wedding part first, ay? He grinned as his tongue pressed on the roof of his mouth, his rabid eyes roaming over her body.

WOW WOW CALM DOWN ARTHUR. Bunny's going to be eaten alive eh. 😭 By the way I really appreciated the small detail of Bunny wearing the white flowing dress Arthur bought for her. Arthur liking the "innocent/pure" aspects is so canon in both the show and how I write him.

"What can I say I have strong swimmers" Tommy smirked winking to you. The only reason why Tommy was now a father of three was he never gave your body a moment's rest before he would climb on top of you again and have his way after each birth of your children, you were a laying hen, not a wife.

THIS. You've briefly mentioned it in Killing Me Softly, and I already told you how awful it was but now that you're briefly describing the actual situation I almost got sick when I read it. This is.. This is a nightmare, this is fucking worst than death. I can't imagine the psychological and physical damages caused to poor Y/N due to Tommy constantly fucking her restless and constantly making her pregnant after she has barely given birth.

The two different punishments/games you've chosen are devilishly clever and fit the brothers' personalities so much it hurts (sorry for the pun). It is so cool to see Tommy playing on fear and using psychological torture as he did throughout the entire series. This man is a cold-blooded psychopath who enjoys mind games far too much for choosing messy violence. The Russian roulette suits his evil nature so well, especially with the plot twist of the empty barrel, which emphasizes the "trust" he wanted to see from Y/N. Once again he fails to see that she obeys only out of fear -- and maybe hoping her nightmare will stop -- and not because she trusts him.

" Look how your getting me" he smiled against your delicate flesh as he grabbed your hand cupping it around the growing bulge under his suit trousers, his aroused state throbbing under your hand as you turned your head away in disgust at his sadistic kink. " I'm gonna fuck you so hard tonight, I'll put a fourth in you. A fucking son."

EEKKK he's so fucking creepy and disgusting. Poor Y/N, you've been awfully cruel with her fate!! Of course, her smirk didn't go unnoticed and she's going to pay for it later... But before talking about Arthur's game I have to applaud you for this passage: "And as Tommy placed his arm around you, pulling you into his side, his lips ghosting over your neck, she suddenly felt like she was watching her own future. Beaten, broken and tired. Would this be her fate too? " because these are my favorite lines from your wonderfully creepy work. I'm just in love with the mirroring effect you've created here, Bunny seeing her future self and inevitable fate with Arthur. Now when it comes to the lanky mad dog's game, the horrific display of gruesome violence is absolutely perfect and brings out his animalistic/bloodthirsty instincts. The jealousy behind it is also so true to the character. What's frightening here is the mood swing, from the playfulness to the utter rage and frustration escalating until he himself wipes one of the men out. Nevertheless, I laughed so much at the line "He wants to fuck his wife you see, and since we're guests in his house it's only polite we don't make him wait." Arthur being so honest I'm dying. Like please Bunny, kill the lad so Tommy can go fuck.  🤣🤣 (Also "as he took a pair of black gloves from his back pocket as the muffled sobs of the two men intensified" THEEHEEEEE I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE AND I'M HORNY NOW)

"Picked for ya bunny" Arthur said his chest heaving up and down, hair disheveled, his eyes crazed as he smiled manically at her.

I loved this part so much! And now I must shamefully admit that this image of Arthur all bloody, panting, and with his hair disheveled marked me as both scared and horny. 🤭

Alright Brummie, my comment is already long enough but let me thank you with my whole heart for this outstanding horror story you've written here. Thank you so much for including Bunny and Arthur in this, I'm lacking words to tell you how touched I am by your kindness. I re-read it so many times I've lost count, that's why I wanted to wait before commenting 'cause I wanted to go into depth. As one last comment, I want to say that I sincerely enjoy the last vision of Y/N obeying Tommy and walking to the bedroom on one hand, and Bunny trying to run away on the other. This is such a good way to show the spectrum of abuse, with the first one being resigned and the second girl still having the fire to fight... But for how long?

She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not (ONE SHOT/ DARK!TOMMY & YANDERE! ARTHUR)

Summary: Enter the mad paranoia of Tommy and his brother Arthur as they try to prove to themselves that you and Bunny's loyalty belongs with them after their discovery of your planned escape.

Warnings: Language, violence, angst, mentions of blood, mentions of murder, psychological mind games, psychological manipulation, psychological abuse, controlling behaviour, Dark!Tommy & Yandere!Arthur (This is a dark fic, please read the warnings before continuing)

Authors Note: This story is a merge of two worlds, Dark!Tommy & Y/N from "Killing Me Softly" and Yandere!Arthur & Bunny from "Hey Bunny", written by my incredibly talented friend and mutual @call-sign-shark. I can't recommend enough to go and check out her fantastic series!

" Look at 'em Tom" Arthur said quietly to his brother as he turned his back to you and Bunny from across the room sitting at the large mahogany table next to eachother. " They think we don't know what they're up to" he grinned darkly as his younger brother smirked in agreement, watching you pull up the strap of your emerald dress. Little did you know yours and Bunny's plan to escape the shackles of torment the two Shelby brothers had been relentlessly inflicting on you both would soon be eclipsed by another plan, one the siblings had concocted a fortnight ago after finding out your intentions to flee. "Why would they do that ay, scheming behind our backs like that? Don't they fucking love us? " Arthur said through gritted teeth, his mood quickly changing from anticipation of playing out their sadistic game to a temper rapidly rising within him. Volatile, unhinged and quick to snap. If Tommy wanted the night to go as planned he needed to calm his brothers erratic emotions and keep control of the situation.

" Here" Tommy said pulling out a small blue bottle of cocaine from his suit pocket which Arthur snatched out of his hand like a starved animal, snorting its contents within a few seconds. " After tonight we'll... Ey! Arthur, Listen!" Tommy said tapping the side of his brothers cheek in attempts to hold his attention as Arthur wiped the remnants of the white powder from his nose. " After tonight we'll know. We'll no where their loyalties stand" Tommy said with his hand firmly placed on his older brothers shoulder as Arthur nodded his head glancing over at Bunny.

"I can't lose my Bunny Tommy" Arthur said, his eyes wide, his body suddenly jittery with panic as he looked back to his brother.

" Fuck sake..." Tommy mumbled under his breath. Clearly the sweet release of his brothers preferred drug of choice hadn't warranted the affect he had hoped for or at least, not yet. " Arthur will you calm the fuck down, you're starting to creep me out" he replied cocking a brow as he returned to looking at you. His eyes roaming over your body as he bit his bottom lip imagining you naked as he pinned you...

" Tom, Tom..." Arthur said nudging his brothers arm with his elbow, breaking him out of his fantasy or rather, the plans he had for you at the end of the evening.

"She nearly escaped a few weeks ago" Arthur said quietly as he looked over to Bunny staring aimlessly into her glass, watching the amber liquid glisten from the warm light of the chandeliers as the soft music from the gramophone played out.

" And I told you. You gotta double lock. They're sneaky Arthur, they'll try and find a way out" Tommy replied as Arthur's eyes cast down to the wooden floorboards, mentally scolding himself for forgetting his brothers wise words of wisdom. After all, Tommy had become an expert in this field of debauchery. "Chin up, ey?"

" Yeh Tom, yeh..." Arthur replied as he pinched his bottom lip together, sniffing back his worries. " Right, fuck" he said clapping his hands together shaking of the last remnants of his wandering paranoia.

" That's it brother. Come on, let's have some fun" he said patting his back as they strode over to you both, the evenings festivities minutes away from starting. "Bunny" Tommy said with a smirk etched on his face as Arthur stood beside him, biting his inner cheek as he tried to hold back his excited amusement. " Sweetheart" he said sending you a wink as he looked at you from head to toe, his eyes glazing over with a smoky hue of lust as he got lost in his thoughts once again. "You two have been busy, haven't you?" Tommy said as he lit a cigarette looking between you both as Arthur wagged his index finger back and forth.

"Con..cocting something" Arthur added, his jaw tightening at the mere thought of deception as Bunny's hand squeezed yours under the table, her pulse beating so fast you could feel it vibrating against your skin.

"Arthur" Tommy said nodding to his brother who reached under the table, pulling out both of your suitcases. " Tut tut tut, going on a holiday without us, huh ladies?" Tommy said with a smirk glaring at you as your eyes widened in disbelief. You had both been so careful, so diligent in your plans. It was a miracle you managed to get as far as you had with the few times Arthur had brought Bunny over to Arrow house. "Your clothes, the children's clothes. Did you not pack anything of mine for this little getaway?" Tommy said as Arthur slammed the suitcases onto the table in front of you, pouring out both of their contents.

" Yeh, didn't see my swimming trunks in there Bunny" Arthur spat as he stared her down, the vein in his neck protruding from his escalating fury.

" A..Arthur, I...I" Bunny sobbed, stumbling her words out as Arthur loomed over the table, his fists clenched so tight they turned a ghostly shade of white. He was keeping her safe, keeping her from the dangers this city held for every woman that dared to venture out alone, why didn't she see that? Who knows what crazed person she could have run into, it's a good thing he was there to stop her from making that mistake. Arthur thought to himself as he stood up straight, rolling his shoulders of the tension that had been building up.

" Now you've both been very naughty. And we don't like naughty girls do we brother?" Tommy said picking up one of your lace knickers from within the pile by the end of his finger, cocking a brow as he put it in his suit jacket.

" No we don't. We like respectable, honest, loyal...obedient girls" Arthur said sniffing back the remnants of the cocaine he had snorted.

"That's right. You see, me and Arthur are starting to feel like your loyalty doesn't belong with, like you don't... love us"

" We feel betrayed, unappreciated"

" Those are strong word's brother. But betrayed and used we are, and after everything we have done for you" Tommy said furrowing his brow, an expression of hurt spread across his face, believable if it wasn't for the smirk playing mischievously on the corner of his mouth. "So, seeing how you two like to play games we have each come up with a way you can prove your loyalty to us and put our poor tired minds at ease. Right Arthur..."

" Tommy... darling, wait..." You panicked, tears welling in your eyes as Bunny quietly whimpered beside you, her hand now gripping yours even tighter.

" Not now sweetheart. The games about to start" Tommy said as he stood up from the edge of the table. "Arthur, if you don't mind" he said taking a drag of his cigarette as he leaned against the back of the sofa behind him.

" Eeny, meeny, miny, moe..." Arthur started to sing as his finger moved from you to Bunny. "Catch a spider by.."

" Tiger Arthur, it's fucking tiger" Tommy sighed, rubbing his brow with his thumb.

" Same bloody thing" Arthur replied snapping his head back to his brother about to finish the rhyme when Tommy interjected again.

"Tell me eh, when was the last time you saw a spider with toes Arthur?" Tommy huffed as he and Arthur started get into an argument over the words to the nursery rhyme whilst bunny squeezed your hand, her eyes darting to the door then back to you to which you furiously shook your head at. There was no way you would both make it out, no matter how intense their ridiculous argument was getting. Whatever punishment was heading your way would be far worse if you tired to take your chances and make a run for it. " Alright! Alright! Just get on with it" Tommy said giving up, as Arthur's face lit up with a satisfied grin.

" It's toe, if it wiggles..." He said stopping his finger at bunny, wagging his finger from side to side with a unhinged grin on his face. " I'm gonna come over there and make you wiggle" Arthur giggled climbing over the table to Bunny when Tommy kicked the bottom of his boot.

" Arthur, behave " Tommy chuckled, they were enjoying this, their twisted little game no doubt the highlight of their week.

"Let it go, eeny, meeny, miny, moe" Arthur finished his finger pointing at you." You're up Y/N" Arthur announced as Tommy stood up grinning from ear to ear. " Y/N get up" Arthur said with his arms on his hips huffing as he looked back to Tommy. He wanted his turn and you were holding up the nights festivities with your reluctance to move. " She ain't budging Tom"

" Tommy please I'm sorry. I got scared, we got scared we panicked. Tommy our children..." You said tears streaming down your face as your eyes darted from Bunny to your husband .

" It's true Arthur, we just..." Bunny started to say as she swallowed back her tears.

" See this is the kind of shit you shouldn't fool for. Crocodile tears that's all that is. Arthur, please..." Tommy said cutting Bunny off as he motioned to the table, which Arthur flipped over in one quick motion.

" Aw would you look at that Tom. Their holding hands" Arthur pointed out to his brother at you and Bunny still clinging onto eachother for dear life, a film of sweat the only thing separating you.

" Adorable" Tommy said as he blew a cloud of smoke through the smirk on the corner of his mouth.

" Sister in law's supporting eachother, it's gonna make me cry." Arthur taunted as Bunny's eyes snapped to him, her face suddenly going a deathly shade of white at the thought of being shackled to this crazed man for life. " Yehh that's right Bunny, gonna make a Shelby out of you one day. Put a Shelby in that belly too. Maybe we'll skip the wedding part first, ay? He grinned as his tongue pressed on the roof of his mouth, his rabid eyes roaming over her body.

" Come on Arthur your scaring her" Tommy chuckled darkly as he flicked the ash of the end of his cigarette onto the floor.

"Yeh well, you're already on your third I gotta catch up" Arthur replied in annoyance that his baby brother was ahead of him in anything.

"What can I say I have strong swimmers" Tommy smirked winking to you. The only reason why Tommy was now a father of three was he never gave your body a moment's rest before he would climb on top of you again and have his way after each birth of your children, you were a laying hen, not a wife. "Come on darling, up you get" Tommy said walking over to you as he grabbed you by your arm, pulling you away from Bunny whose hand was still desperately holding onto yours, both of you now crying uncontrollably, every sob every whimper laced in terror. Breaking you apart, Arthur grabbed hold of Bunny as she scrambled forward to you.

" Now now Bunny, we have to take turns " Arthur said as his hand came down to her waist his fingers lacing between the soft fabric of her white flowing dress, one he had brought especially for her. She looked so innocent so pure. But Why was she crying, tonight was supposed to be fun? He thought to himself as he tried to catch her eye, her refusal to do so twisting his stomach into a knot of anger that he quickly digested before he lost his temper and spoiled the evenings games. "Come on Bunny" he said guiding her over to the sofa as you and Tommy were now sat opposite eachother at a small table in the corner of the room.

" Do you love me Y/N?" Tommy asked as he pulled a revolver from his holster.

"Of...of course..." You replied sniffing back your tears as he placed it on the table in front of you both, your eyes widening further as he pulled out one single bullet. You were used to Tommy's mind games, but they never involved lethal weapons like the one sitting in front of you. He had already warned you to never attempt to run again, and this time you had been so brazen about your plan you had made it clear with the contents of your suitcase you intended to take his children too.

" And do you trust me?" He asked sitting back as he spun the bullet on the table in a circle.

" Tommy... what's happening, what are you going to do? You replied, your voice shaking as you looked at the bullet spin around one last time, the curved edge now pointing at you.

" I'm the one asking question, now do you trust me?"

"Tommy..."

"Answer the fucking question Y/N!" Tommy snapped slamming his fist onto the table as Arthur giggled at his brothers outburst of anger. " You're making me angry love, and you know what happens when I get angry"

" I trust you Tommy" you quickly reassured him as Tommy glared at you, playing with the bullet between his fingers.

" Good" he said taking the gun, his hand hovering over the chamber as you closed your eyes, blinking the tears away from your blurry vision." We're going to play a little game" he said snapping it shut, spinning the cylinder before placing it back between you both. " Russian Roulette. Learnt it from some batshit crazy Russian years ago. Didn't want to play with her, but I do with you" Tommy smirked as he looked at the confusion on your face having never heard of the game." You won't have to worry your pretty little head with the rules. It's simple" he said, taking every opportunity he could to belittle you. " One bullet, 6 chambers. We take turns firing the gun..." he paused watching your eyes widen " Right here" he finished pointing to the side of his temple, when you abruptly stood up, pushing your chair back as Tommy reached over the table grabbing your arm.

" Tommy no, you're sick! You're fucking insane. I won't do this, I fucking won't!" You shouted to him trying to pull away from his vice-like grip circling your wrist.

" Yes love I know, I'm such a bad man" Tommy said sarcastically having heard you already insult him plenty of times before. " But you will play or else I'll send one of the girls away. And you'll never see them again. Do you understand me?"

" No! You can't do that, Tommy..." You pleaded as he pulled you down back into your chair. Three daughters, you had given him three beautiful girls in the short time you had been married, but that wasn't enough. Tommy wanted a son, an army of sons. And with his lack of a paternal bond with his daughters you knew he wasn't bluffing.

" I can and I will. It's not like we can't have another. He smirked, pushing the gun towards you. " Ladies first"

"Tommy .." you pleaded one last time as you looked at the gun in front of you.

" You're testing my patience sweetheart. If you really want to do this, then fine" Tommy said as he leaned back in his chair looking over his shoulder to the door." Frances, bring me the baby" Tommy called out his eyes darting back to see the fear rising within you as he waited for a response, waited for you to play along. Within seconds you picked up the gun, sobbing as tears streamed down your face. "Never mind" he called out as he nodded his head to the gun in your hand. Lifting the revolver to your temple you squeezed your eyes shut, the coolness from the metal pressing against your skin sending a shiver down your spine. You would die for your children if it meant keeping them safe, if it meant keeping them from their father's torment. With your finger resting above the trigger you closed your eyes, hoping for a way out, from this life, from him. The gun pressed against your head didn't feel so damming after all...click. The chamber was empty, no bullet spent. You was still here, you was still alive. Gasping for air you threw the gun on the table which Tommy picked up, instantly putting it to his head and pulling the trigger without a second thought. Another click. No shot fired. The second turn mirrored the first. Through sobbing tears and thoughts of your children you pulled the trigger again, while Tommy's calm demeanor stayed exactly that, calm. Only two chambers left, one empty one with a bullet that would end either one of your lives.

" Tommy please, I love you, I trust you. We don't need to do this, we dont need to prove anything." You cried as Tommy took the gun putting it in your hand and placing it to your head.

" Pull it Y/N" Tommy said pushing your finger over the trigger.

" Tommy!" You wept uncontrollably, as a rush of fear overtook you, the sudden thought of your children being motherless the only thing holding you back from the years of torment you wanted to escape.

" Fucking pull it! he yelled at you as you wailed holding onto his arm, begging him to stop."Pull it!" He shouted again as you closed your eyes, the image of your daughter's playing within the grounds of Arrow House flashing before you...click. Dropping the gun on the table your hand flew to you mouth, you felt sick physically sick. But with no time to reflect on what had just happened Tommy had the gun already pointed to the side of his head...click. The gun was empty, it had been fucking empty all this time.

" See Tommy lad, she does trust you!" Arthur cheered as you abruptly stood up from your chair, your hands out behind you as you stumbled back away from Tommy's piercing stare, away from the smirk and enjoyment spread across his face.

"You tricked me! " you screamed as Tommy stood up and marched towards you, pinning you between the wall as his body.

" What, you think I want the mother of my children dead or fatherless? Oh darling, I never play by the rules, you should know that by now" he said as his hand cupped your cheek his eyes centimeters from yours. " I told you to trust me and you did, there's no doubt where your loyalty stands where your love stands" he said quietly in your ear, a slow exhale of hot air from his lips sending a wave of goosebumps down you neck.

" Look how your getting me" he smiled against your delicate flesh as he grabbed your hand cupping it around the growing bulge under his suit trousers, his aroused state throbbing under your hand as you turned your head away in disgust at his sadistic kink. " I'm gonna fuck you so hard tonight, I'll put a fourth in you. A fucking son." Tommy seethed in your ear whilst an untimely hint of a smirk graced your lips, unable to hold back the satisfaction that Tommy, the man who gets what he wants whenever he wants didn't have control over mother nature. You should have known better than to let it slip, for everything you did that displeased Tommy was worthy of punishment, and that small smirk hadn't gone unnoticed.

" Don't look Bunny" Arthur laughed with his arm wrapped around her shoulders. " My baby brothers pretty sick, he gets off from that kind of thing. Don't worry though sweetheart, I'm not like that" Arthur said with a smirk, his legs widening, pushing hers further to the edge of the sofa as he glared at her heaving chest.

"Your turn Arthur" Tommy said grabbing your hands, putting them behind your back as he walked you over to the sofa opposite them.

" Y/N..." Bunny cried wanting to reach out to you and she watched you slump into the sofa, the colour drained from your body. You were a broken woman. And as Tommy placed his arm around you, pulling you into his side, his lips ghosting over your neck, she suddenly felt like she was watching her own future. Beaten, broken and tired. Would this be her fate too?

" Bring in the contestants" Arthur jumped up as he walked over to the door snapping Bunny out of the haunting image of herself chained to a life of misery and abuse.

" Come on, fucking move" Arthur said behind the door as he walked in with two young men bound and gagged his gun pointing to their backs. "Kneel" Arthur spat, pushing the two men in front of Bunny as they struggled to keep themselves from falling over at her feet.

"Arthur, what's going on?" she said shifting forward in her seat, her eyes darting in a panic from Arthur to the two men in front of her as your own eyes widened in horror at the realisation of who they were. A chauffeur Tommy had hired only a few weeks ago, a sweet boy who's sole focus was the job in hand. And then...Harry. The stable boy who had been working on the grounds of Arrow House since he was a child. Both innocent young men, but not in the eyes of Arthur. For Arthur they had overstepped the line and he was seeking justice.

"Both of them were ogling you when we visited three weeks ago, so pick" he said matter of fact, without any further detail.

"Pick, what .."

" Pick one" Arthur replied handing her the gun as he sat beside her, his arm back securely draped over her shoulders as she watched the whimpers and cries of both the men, or rather boys hunched over eyes cast down. " So bunny, who's the lucky fella?" Arthur said turning to her staring blankly between both men. "Bunny?"

" Arthur no, nobody looked at me and even if they did I... I only have eyes for you I only want you. " Bunny pleaded knowing the very words he wanted to hear. Smiling, Arthur brushed his thumb down her cheek wiping the lone tear from her soft skin.

"Sorry darling but you're gonna have to pick. Both of these dirty fucks were looking at you, and I can't have that Bunny. But since I'm a forgiving man, a gentleman..." He said his moustache twitching at his high regard for himself. "...you only have to pick one" Arthur said as Bunny started to cry at the realisation she couldn't escape Arthur's sadistic game as much as you couldn't escape yours.

" Arthur, will you get your girl to fucking hurry up" Tommy said moving his lips from your neck for the briefest of seconds, his hand firmly grasped on your hip to stop you from moving.

"I know this is a big decision but you're making my brother upset Bunny " He said kicking the chauffeur, his muffled whimpers irritating him. "He wants to fuck his wife you see, and since we're guests in his house it's only polite we don't make him wait. Tick tock, tick tock" he smiled looking at the gun in her lap then back to her quivering bottom lip. " Fuck sake " he said standing up taking the gun from her realising her unwillingness to play along. Arthur was precariously on the edge of loosing his temper, his thirst for revenge was strong and he wouldn't end this game before one or both men were six feet under. " Which one bunny, the stable boy or the chauffeur" he smiled unnervingly as he pointed the gun at the back of each of the men's head.

"Arthur no! Stop, please..." Bunny pleaded endlessly, her strained efforts going unheard. You can't reason with a mad man, a man not only consumed by his own paranoia but also his obsession and love for the woman he had be holding captive.

" Pick bunny now! Arthur shouted putting the gun down on a small table beside him as he took a pair of black gloves from his back pocket as the muffled sobs of the two men intensified, the suffocating atmosphere in the room only increasing when Arthur picked up the gun again.

" Arthur we...we just greeted one another...it was innocent, don't make me do this dont do this, please..."

" Bunny I ain't repeating myself. Now pick!" He yelled as he pushed both his hands onto his forehead, pushing back the escalating fury within him, trying with all his might to not...snap. "Fucking pick, pick, pick!

"Arthur stop it, stop!" Bunny screamed closing her eyes when a loud gun shot boomed within the four walls and a heavy thud of a body hit the wooden floorboards below them. " Arthur..." Bunny said as she opened her eyes, her bottom lip wobbling in terror as she looked down in front of her to see the young chauffeur laying on the floor, a pool of blood surrounding his lifeless body.

" Picked for ya bunny" Arthur said his chest heaving up and down, hair disheveled, his eyes crazed as he smiled manically at her.

" Fucking hell Arthur, you got blood all over my walls!" Tommy said gesturing with his hand, more bothered about his immaculate home now splattered with blood than the dead body a few feet away from him.

" Sorry 'bout that brother" Arthur said smoothing his hair back away from his face as he looked down at his work, his grin turning into a satisfied smirk.

" Right we all done for tonight?" Tommy said standing up pulling you up with him, his hand snaking along your back down between your thighs as you squirmed under his touch.

" In the big guest room tonight yeh? With the big bed?" Arthur asked grabbing bunny by the arm pulling her trembling body over the lifeless man below her, dismissive of her horrified state, the tears cascading down her cheeks.

" Enjoy" Tommy winked nodding his head to his brother as he pushed you forward out the room. " Light a fire " Tommy said to one of his men standing by the entrance, gesturing back to the room where a night of carnage and terror had just played out, where Harry was still knelt beside the young man whose life had been so brutally taken. With Tommy's hand firmly on the curve of your back you slowly walked up the stairs, your body still trembling from the nights events.

" Arthur your Bunny's hoping away, keep control of it or put it back in its cage " Tommy said as you came to a stop in front of your room, watching Bunny frantically run down the corridor.

" It's alright, we're just playing" Arthur replied with a crazed giggle as he chased after her. Closing the master bedroom door behind him Tommy watched as you stumbled back to the edge of the bed a devilish grin gracing his lips as he stalked forward undoing his belt.

"Now about that smirk..."

[spectaculardistractions]

From Jean-Claude Carrière

Paris, 7 June [1967]

Dear Luis, We’ve just spent a week in the Midi (we took Iris after she had her tonsils out…) and so I didn’t see your letter until we got back, and it made me weep for joy. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: if you do make The Monk I’d be happy to help out as an assistant, intern, sound engineer, or whatever you like. I surrender myself to you, bound hand and foot. In fact, we saw several extraordinary castles in Avignon. Although, thinking about it, why not make the film in Mexico? It might be difficult to get the long shots of the castle, but there’s sure to be a way around that.

You asked if I would agree to work on the script again. Truly, that’s the most absurd question I’ve ever heard. The only problem is as follows: your decision (if you have made one) throws cold water on my plans, because I’ve just signed a contract to write another film (if only I’d known…). In theory, I’ll be busy until the end of July, although I think we’ll have finished by the 15th. It’s with Jacques Deray, you know him well. It won’t be filmed until next year. For the moment, it’s just a case of coming up with a first draft, the story is already in place.

I think we should finish it in about five or six weeks.

There’s nothing after that. I was supposed to go back to Brazil, but I cancelled. It was only to help out a bit at the start of shooting. Nothing essential.

In other words, after about 20 or 25 July, I’m all yours in Madrid or Mexico, as you wish.

I’m sorry for the delay. If I hadn’t signed anything I’d be getting on a plane right now.

Now let’s discuss Belle de jour, which is already history. Huge commercial success: 38,000 tickets sold the first week.

The Hakims are calling it a ‘raging’ success!

Opinions are about 70 per cent favourable and 30 per cent very hostile, there’s no inbetween. Firstly, some of the bourgeois press is up in arms. Aurore notes that you’ve always had ‘perverse tendencies’ and recommends families don’t see the film. Le Figaro finds it fairly childish and says it ‘makes you smile’ (?). Le Monde published a single moderate review, suggesting, correctly, that the scenes with Pierre and Séverine are ‘very banal’, although conceding that the film has ‘two or three beautiful sequences’. Critics who watched the film at private screenings, missing out on the reactions and laughter of the general public, seem not to have understood the humour, they’ve taken everything at face value, finding the Clémenti character ‘caricature-esque’ etc.

Those who saw the film with the general public, on the other hand, love it. Paris Match gives it the highest rating (two stars) and hyperbolic praise. As does L’Express, which quotes J. Kessel confessing he was left ‘speechless’ and saying it’s a masterpiece. L’Observateur was also very much in favour: ‘One of the most freely expressed, most beautiful films Buñuel has made’, they highlight the surrealist and revolutionary aspects and quote extensively from de Sade.

However, as L’Observateur has really taken against me, I’ve no idea why, they note that I squeezed a couple of ‘indecent jokes’ into the film just to make ‘25 million’ (!). Not that I care at all.

The two best reviews appeared in Candide. They say it’s an enormously important film and Aubriant talks at great length, very acceptably, about the humour.

One curious detail: he interprets the ending as the proof that it’s all a dream within a dream. When Pierre gets up out of his chair, it proves that nothing has happened. But he does implicitly recognize there are other ways of reading it.

There were other reviews, but as I was in the Midi, I didn’t see them all. Friends of mine who’ve seen the film, and who are worthy of seeing it, love it. Most of all the women. Some leave traumatized and come to me for explanations. The men sometimes seem offended by the distasteful role they play in the film. At the end of one public screening, a man stood up all red in the face and shouted out loud: 'That’s right! They’re all the same!’

Anyway, I get all kinds of phone calls from people with questions like: ‘What’s in the little black box?’, or ‘What’s false? What’s real?.’ It’s very difficult to respond to that second one. According to their imaginative capacity, each spectator sees more or less reality, more or less fantasy. The Duke’s scene could be true or false. The scene with the Mongol too. And some see the whole film as ‘Buñuel dreaming about the fate of the heroine in a Kessel soap opera.’ So, you see the subtle interpretative knots they get tied up in. There are three, even four, levels of interpretation. I wonder what will happen when the film is shown in the provinces. And what I wouldn’t give to have a prostitute’s view of it.

Definitely though, it works. I didn’t say a word about your letter to Silberman or anyone else. I am still very excited. At your service, sir.

Warm regards, Jean-Claude

[PS] We also had a letter from Joyce this morning. She doesn’t seem over-the-moon in Durango, but I think she’s fine.

Jo Evans & Breixo Viejo, Luis Buñuel: A Life in Letters