#this prob makes no sense to people who don't know what I am talking about

[toffeebrew]

Tondemo wonders

PJSK? Hell yeah. I love WXS

[simping-berry]

A Lover's Wrath

A/N: This a crackfic. While i was playing the archon quest this was half my mind. Also i have some fics in my drafts in the proof reading phase, probs will post it at the end of the week! (AKA i wasn't dead for months) Summary: You angy, may celestia save your lover and the others from your wrath. Warnings: 3.2 SPOILERS

You were pissed.

It took a lot of time to navigate the damn domain with its complex machinery yet it cannot stop your rage as you stomped closer to the source of your undying anger. 

“How DARE he?! How DARE he do this to you?! After all you’ve done for him!” Your thoughts repeat in your mind as the elevator ascends to, what you hope, is the last room to finally see your lover. 

Once the elevator stopped and the doors opened, you wasted no time and started marching towards the huge machine displayed in front of you. Any witness be damned, you weren't here for them! You were here for him and his cheating ass. 

Meanwhile the 3 people that were already in the room stopped their face off as they saw a new face marching forward towards them, with eyes filled with anger. Lumine and Nahida were baffled to find another person, with no vision, in such a dangerous place that is filled with fatui personnel. How did you even manage to come here?  

The robot’s faceplate opened to reveal a confused scaramouche inside. Why the fuck were you here? 

“Love? What are you-” “Don't you dare call me ‘love’ Kunikuzushi!” You snapped as you stopped in front of him, making scaramouche shocked on why you were angry at him. “Kunikuzushi, you cheating BASTARD!”

“y/n what are you talking about?” 

“I heard EVERYTHING, Kunikuzushi. You have the AUDACITY to call haypasia your ‘First Follower’. What am I then? A FUCKING display?” You shouted. Scaramouche was annoyed at first. This was his day to be reborn as a God. But he wouldn't let his normal attitude show in fear for the worst. Your face says it all. Anger. Hurt. betrayal. “y/n it’s not what it looks-” “Don't you even say ‘It’s not what it looks like’! I'm not BLIND kuni!” 

You turned to the side and marched towards the traveler, who was bewildered at the sight in front of her, alongside Nahida. You gripped the traveler's arm and looked him dead in the eye. “Take me to that face plate or you will be the one to face my wrath.” Aether knows not to fuck with an angry significant other so he tried to find a way. But you were growing more and more angry as the traveler desperately thinked of a solution. 

Scaramouche, while nervous, speaks up to at least get you out of the domain. “Y/n maybe we can talk about this when we get home” 

That was your snapping point. The both of you just started shouting at each other, or rather, you shouting and Scaramouche trying to calm you down and asking for forgiveness. 

Nahida can sense your overwhelming rage and genuinely fears what will happen to the balladeer even though he was the enemy at this moment. “Traveler, we should try and block them from reaching the balladeer.” Nahida suggested to which Aether agreed. 

“DON'T YOU TEST ME KUNIKUZUSHI I WILL BE THE ONE TO DEFEAT YOU THIS MOMENT! I WILL MUSOU NO HITOTACHI YOUR ASS AND GIVE YOU TO YOUR HAYPASIA” You shouted as you threw multiple weapons at him.

That was when Nahida and Aether quickly tried to calm you down as Scaramouche was removing all the wires that were restricting him to come to you and explain himself. While all this was happening, Dottore was struggling to keep his laughter silent. He shouldn’t be laughing because his experiment was being delayed but at the sight of 3 powerful beings trying to stop a tiny human was a once in a lifetime sight. In the end he just laughed his heart out, which didn't go unnoticed by your ears. You squashed all the hands that were restricting you and ran towards Dottore and pulled him close to your face.

“YOU TOO, DON'T THINK YOU’RE SAFE I WILL ALSO BEAT YOUR ASS”

Well, Dottore now understands the panic the other 3 had. Your rage was something else. You were a weak tiny human but your strength and determination was inhuman, at least only at that time because of your rage. Your grip in his collar grew tighter as he started fearing for the worst.

Aether and scaramouche has to pry you off from Dottore while you keep struggling and fighting anyone you eyes lands on. And that’s how the disaster of Sumeru was stopped. (And how everyone, including Dottore and Nahida, found out about the Balladeer’s feral lover)

In the end, Scaramouche explained himself and you calmed down. At Least now he knows to never play with you or he will genuinely fear for his life.

[lukolabrainrot]

So, I just wanted to give some additional thoughts on March-April timeline & Australia. We know L went to LA in March w/ A (possibly a group trip?) and N was off promoting "Big Mood" w/ that cast in tow, including E. Now whether we think N was dating E or not he'd been on her socials singing her praises and was her co-star, as L had been... but he also plays a role on the wildly popular Witcher (w/ hottie Henry Cavill) and is a bad ass fighter on the show, not as soft boy. I'd think it's fair to say that L would naturally have some jealousy surrounding that, esp. if N did nothing to quell his fears, incl. E being at her b-day party earlier in the year, and E going to the "Renegade Nell" premiere with her end of March.

Also, if we take what we think happened after BTON S3 filming as truth - that L had been all in and N put on the brakes - L prob thought he was giving N what she wanted. You wanted me to date other people, so I am! (I'm quite sure N didn't expect him going off the rails with his HBS nor date young dancers but, to me, it makes perfect sense - because he's was dating for fun not true love, cause N is who he feels destined for & wants... in that way, I think he & N are very different. I think N prob thinks you can love many people & L feels there is "the one")

But I digress... in March, L & N are mostly apart but prob still communicating bts & he likes several of her IG posts. By April, they're back on the BTON press tour and w/ the excitement of spending time together in Jan & Feb, they're already havings feelings for each other again. The Netflix interview where they're watching their scenes & commenting stands out to me - when N tears up & L asks if she's ok 🥹 (He also couldn't stop glancing at her breasts lol). L keeps the flirtation going, pinching her butt in the IMBD interview (as you prev. noted), and at the London Call the polaroid is taken. L & N are "back on" but, also as you noted, L had already taken the InStyle polaroids back in March, perhaps half trying to appease A, half guarding against N's rejection once again.

Then Lukola lands in Australia end of April - they comment on how relaxed it is and secluded being half way around the world. In interviews they talk about how never getting annoyed w/ each other, N makes several comments w/sexual innuendo and says L smells good. They are asked to walk together in a video and L jokes "no, it's too much time", indicating the opposite. They do several photoshoots & L starts playing bodyguard- the crowds are enormous & he's always looking for N. In turn, N starts getting kind eyes w/ L. They mention going to dinner and are seen drinking champagne at the screening... I'm of the opinion, maybe something happened down under, while they were Down Under!

It's the start of the tour & they're already getting questioned about being a couple so they state in an interview they aren't dating & are friends. (Note: they don't say just friends but friends so there is no lie). Then, the Instyle piece comes out on April 29 - after this lovely time in Australia (and perhaps intimacy?), it's like a gut punch to N. On May 2, she posts "Kaleidoscope" by Chappell Roan, which talks about crossing the line but not making that person stay & going back to friends if that person changes their mind. People always say this is a sad song. And I do believe the Instyle stunt was hurtful to N but I also believe N is fighting for L here. The song also says "And if you ever find someone who could write a better song for you well I'd love to see them try...

Imo, N needed to fight for L after being the one who wanted to separate (if true, ofc). I can see L doing the Instyle stunt out of self-protection, not knowing where he stood with N... and this is why one could see the tension in Italy, which came right after all of this. But we also see it resolve, with them presumably getting on the same page. I can see it being like when Pen said to Colin that if he wanted an annulment she understood and Colin replied, in essence, that he loves her and she's not going anywhere... I can also see L not wanting N to go anywhere.

Now, what happened from Italy-on, there are many theories, but because of how remote Australia was and the conflict resolution thereafter, I'm becoming an Australia truther!

#justanopinion #downunder #Lukolalove

Don't agree with everything, but some interesting theories/things I haven't thought about before.

What do other people think?

[sungbeam]

spread some love !

talk about your favourite mutuals and why you like them

hi anon! thanks for sending this in :') im always so bad at posting these things, but i can def do this one. i don't know if i would classify them specifically as favorites, but more so people i've interacted with the most 😭

@justalildumpling : i don't even need to go on besides saying that this woman is my soulmate. "in another life" but we're gonna beat the universe and meet in every life, type of connection. the girl who has seen me at my worst and has still treated me with as much kindness and compassion and care as she did the first time. i feel like in certain ways, we're kind of polar opposites, but also the same? i mean, on paper we can be so different, but when we talk abt what we like and dislike, when we laugh together, it all becomes something of the same and she restores my faith in other people again. she's the person who constantly makes me want to be a better person.

@ethereal-engene : one of my two beloved 姐姐's on this site skfnrknf but i remember talking to ash so many nights abt just any and everything. i am so happy that we're comfortable enough to be able to joke around, share our niche interests, have deep conversations, and even pen pal!! like i think it's crazy how SIMILAR our families are; we could legitimately be long lost sisters haha but also the blood of the covenant runs thicker than the water of the womb sometimes, so that makes sense. she's one of my comfort people, and honestly, i feel like we both come out of nowhere with some topics, but either person will hop right into the convo regardless and just vibe 🤧

@winterchimez : my second 姐姐 on this site !! my older sisters def take care of me well and i am so grateful for that :')) ally is always so supportive and yet so energergizing to talk to. she's def seen a lot of my brainstorming and i feel very comfortable bouncing ideas off her. she's always so generous with me too, like care packages??? RAH 😭 obviously, i love her for reasons besides the material goods, but it's a love language nonetheless. ally is prob one of the warmest and most welcoming presences on this hellsite tbh, so if ur ever looking for a new friend/mutual, she's the best.

@loveliestfelix : nana is another reason why im still around. i like to thank that beomgyu drabble every day for kickstarting our friendship because i have never met someone i have had such lengthy and fun brainstorming sessions with. nana is the type of person i would love to meet irl and just share stories over coffee with, though i feel like i always associate her with train rides and coffee now HAHA she's also one of my greatest writing inspirations, like i was and have always been blown away by her mind, and her word counts. i love calling her the queen of angst, and you will never be disappointed when reading something of hers.

@jaehunnyy : chip's been here for a really long time, like guys, no one can compete when she's been here since i had park jisung as my pfp and she had jeno as hers 😭 i think i really treasure our friendship and how much it's grown over the past two years :')) so much has happened over that time, and i think that if i met her in real life, i would just be blown away by how pretty she is like TT anyways,, i always love talking to her because of how much chaotic energy we create when we do, like i feel like we can power an entire city grid with how much chaos we make, and it's all the better for it. i love her very much, and i hope she understands just how wonderful of a person and friend she is.

@mosviqu : oh, my beloved bar, i love u to bits and pieces. i think recently you've become one of the few reasons why im still here writing and posting. like i am so utterly, from the bottom of my heart, grateful for all of your support and the love you've given and shown me. and even when we moved to dms to converse, i just realized how cool you are as a person, and how similar we are (in the best way possible). it's really nice to be able to connect with a person on multiple levels, and im really happy that was the case with us :') as soon as i saw ur love for tomorrow by chanyeol, i knew there would be something more to our friendship. i am so very fond of you, and your writing blows me away every time i read it.

@zzoguri : moni :( i hope ur doing well, friend, and i know you haven't been active here lately but i do wish you all the best. i love how passionate and committed you are to improving in writing and developing your own creative writing style, and it's so impressive to read your writing in general :') i love the confidence you advocate for yourself, and how real you are. thanks so much for being a friend; i just really appreciate all the support and hype you've given me during my time on deobiblr, like thank you for being such a thoughtful person.

@wuahae : cat and i have definitely interacted more off this site than on this site, but i felt that it was dire she was included here nonetheless. like bro, thank you for literally being the reason i come out of my apartment (or in most cases, invite people to my apartment), and for thinking of me! i think i once told you how hard it is to find friends in college, but you've made my experience here far less lonely. i love getting dinner with you, planning outings, and making weird animal noises together on the streets 😭 also, cat's writing is literally so poetic, and just her explaining to me her plot ideas tears visceral reactions out of me TT

@yunhoszn : i feel like me and fawn are low-key on the same wavelength a lot of the times, but in general, i think fawn's just such a rad person. i've told her once or twice before but i genuinely love her writing style because it has so much personality in it. it just makes reading her fics such a fun and enjoyable experience. also even off this site, i have so much fun interacting with her, like just commenting on her instagram posts like the gremlin i am, i know she's gonna hit me with the best response back skfnkejd (waiting for the day i go to where u r so u can do my makeup low-key... ur so fly, pls do my makeup...)

@goldenhypen : em, my lovely twin :')) i know our interactions have def decreased, but i don't think that's decreased the fondness we hold for one another. i remember when em first started interacting with my works and then followed me, i literally rolled off the couch cuz i started fangirling 😭 and she is one of the most genuine and brightest presences here. she is a follow forever, bro, you better follow her forever. i just adore her compassion for others and her absolutely adorable fic concepts, and omg don't even get me started on her work ethic 😭 i wished u the best everyday you had requests, i don't know how u did it. you are literally superhuman.

@hqrana : i haven't spoken with noa in quite awhile, but im guessing it's cuz she's girlbossing her way through to that nursing program 🤧 my favorite woman in stem girl in this hellsite, she is my beloved xnonie 😭 i think i just appreciate noa's undeniable presence and character so much, like she brings so much energy to my inbox whenever she's here, and her support of my ideas and fics just makes me 🙇🏻‍♀️ like thank you for being here. and to know we both love marvel and taylor swift? i feel like she has to be like,, my best friend? like she needs to be my best friend?? sending hugs and well wishes your way, always.

[fromfiction]

(excuse the slight lengthiness of this ask pls 😭)

um hello! i’ve seen you answering questions on this blog, so i hope you can answer this one! /nf

i’m entirely new to the term and idea of “fictionkin” but ever since i found out about what fickin was and what it meant, i figured it might be me but i couldn’t be 100% sure because of a smaller thing.

for a bit more context which i feel may be important: i pretty much spent all my life mentally viewing myself as literally animated, as animated medias have always been a special interest since i was little (i’m now diagnosed w/ autism which is why i used that term btw). though i never truly viewed myself as any canon character, i always viewed myself as my self insert sonas growing up, my finest examples of this through the years would be self insert sonas of mlp and eddsworld. nowadays, as my main special interest is my own work (as a writer and artist) i mentally view myself as my persona, i always have during these current years and i believe i always will, to the point where i don’t even associate myself with my body or face physically bc i’ve always viewed myself as some sort of fictional version of myself and in my mind that’s how i look to myself. to put this in terms of an example, i once told someone that my physical body is like a car because i like to decorate it and make it look nice and i use it to get around in this world, but my persona is the driver because in my mind, that’s who i am and i’m simply using this “car” to get around (remember this is an example i don’t literally think my body is a car lmao)

but yea, the reason i’m very confused is because i always see fictionkins identifying as canonical characters from a media, or ig even self inserts as i’ve heard somewhere (correct me if i’m wrong) but i never hear about people identifying as their OWN characters if this makes sense. in my mind, a fictional character is a fictional character, which would include my persona that is very much fictional in every way (atp my persona is a developed character with fictional lore, other worldly traits (like magic), and is always a part of little scenarios or short stories i make up for comfort or outta boredom, just happens to resemble me irl in most ways but is basically how i view myself mentally down from personality to clothes that i really connect with but don’t really wear irl)

but anyway yes, i’ve tried and tried to research for anything that might be similar to my case but i don’t really find much at all.

i hope this ask was okay to send, ik it might be lengthy ik you weren’t asking for my “life story” it’s just that i’ve always wondered what was wrong with me in terms of this topic and why i viewed myself as being a fictional character, and now that i feel closer to a possible answer it’s very relieving but still confusing since i don’t know if the label really fits what i go through. i can’t help but wonder if it’s also maladaptive daydreaming or multiple things/something else but i prob can’t expect much advice or help w that on this blog which is perfectly okay lmao

again, if you read this or even answer this, thank you i’ve really needed to ask this desperate question to someone who seems to know a lot about this subject for possible help so i came here bc i saw that this blog was active for the most part! i’m also sorry if i asked things that weren’t okay to ask or have said/assumed things that weren’t okay either, again i’m very new to fictionkin as a whole.

have a great day and thank you <3

Hey friend. No worry about asking!

It sounds like you're asking if you can be fictionkin of an "original character".

The answer is absolutely. There are plenty of people who are kin of their own ocs, you just don't usually see them talking about it, mostly because their posts don't end up in fandom tags.

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas it's lily anon here <3

first off i wanna say it sucks that everyone's getting so much hate like 😭 it honestly doesn't make sense

anyways i called a friend of mine last night and allow me to tell you i am fucking HORRIFIED. (she's not the prob dw)

so this girl at her school, K, and my friend viv were friends. theres somebody at viv's school who's genderqueer n v open about it (love it for them tbh) and somehow it got brought up and K's all like

"oh, theyre way too young, they cant know yet" in the typical bible belt way

and viv (fellow queer) asks what she thinks about queer people in general THIS GIRL THINKS I'M FAKING IT/I DON'T "KNOW YET"

i'm so pissed i know that people think that (parents :/) but viv has a good home and hasn't experienced it til this point. miss girl here made viv call me at like five pm yesterday to ask me if i think she's fake. CAS, SHES TWELVE.

i'm unhappy :D

and (holy shit this is long) my mom talked to me about this trans lady at her work and *used he the whole time* told me that she used to be friends with her but isn't now because "he's a guy pretending to be a girl"

oh my GOD i'm so mad

on the plus side i did get to talk to some of my other queer friends yesterday :D so that made me happy :D but i am still pissed off that my friends have to exist where people like my parents and their parents and k exist

thus concludes my rant thank you for reading :)

It IS so frustrating though! I'm glad to hear you have some friends who understand and are a positive support system, but ugh, the fact that so many people are so ignorant is the worst. I'm here whenever you need to rant!

[sorryimananti-romantic]

Rating ateez on how much childhood me would've clung to them:

8. Hongjoong: There's no reason other than he's maths teacher coded and I never liked maths so I never went near the maths teachers either. I am mathphobic.

7. Jongho: Idk man he looks like he would've put me in air jail.

6. Yeosang: Bro's so pretty I would've been too shy to go up and talk😭😭 But I would've probably clung to him a little once I started talking.

5. Mingi: A bit intimidating at first but later you'd find me climbing up to his face to bite his head just because it looked tasty.

4. Yunho: Again, I'll be climbing up him but would just stay in his arm. He isn't as biteable as Mingi.

3. Wooyoung: Would probably instigate me to climb Mingi and bite him. Two peas in a pod.

2. San: No.1 most Huggable Hug Shaped Hug person I'd like to hug.

1. Seonghwa: Will sit on his lap and fight children who try to share the lap with me. You'd normally find me hanging from his neck like a human necklace. Bro would have back issues by the end of the year.

Also I have this weird feeling in my brain that Jungkook from BTS is made of Blueberry cake and Jimin is made of Strawberry parfait. Both of them are cake.

Proof:

Jimin-

Koo-

Do not ask me why I just have pictures of their booty lying around. I don't have any idea either.

you must really miss your childhood kaya :') that's actually cute (me i don't want to go through the trauma my childhood brought me again i'm good 😃)

but n e ways here's my personal rating (disclaimer: i was never a clingy kid and i was shy asf and also somehow both way too mature as a child and dumb asf idk how that works)

8. mingi: we'd prob just stare at each other without talking i'm sorry (but present me would prob get along best with mingi which is funny)

7. wooyoung: i really didn't like loud people as a kid and that's bc i wanted to be them- carefree and wild. he would have to involve me himself but i would make myself appear very uninterested.

6. san: i would be way too shy to talk to him bc i know even as a child i would have thought wow he would have been my first crush before i knew what a crush meant.

5. yeosang: absolutely right bro's so pretty i would want to talk to him so bad and honestly he might be the only one childhood me would have made an effort to talk to

4. jongho: too mature for our age? check. we would team up to talk about life and make fun of ppl

3. yunho: he seems like such a friendly person i would prob just watch him talk and slowly open up to him hehe

2. hongjoong: childhood me and him have the same interests so we might have actually gotten along pretty well (plus he may be math coded but childhood me loved maths

1- seonghwa: there's absolutely no need to think about this. his presence is so welcoming and i feel like he would have made an effort to bring me out of my shy bubble and we would have had a lot to talk about

(yours is like reality show material AHAHAHAHA now i want to see atz try to befriend a kid like you)

also thank you for gracing me with some cake today 😃 and honestly, i really do think jimin as strawberry and jk as blueberry makes sense.

if we're talking about flavours im having a thought- yunho feels like he's made of vanilla cake LDFGJDKLFJG DONT ASK ME WHY

(hj is the white frosting cake that when you cut reveals a rainbow sponge KJHFJGKHDFJKG) (san also has a cake on him i assign him chocolate)

[fluffypotatey]

Hello! I hope you're doing well so far. What do you think of these headcanons: Bai He is one of LBD's descendant. That's why her body took so well to LBD's powers. Also, Wukong had met and spoken Zhu Bajie and Sha Wujing pre Havoc, and during the journey he's just avoiding mentioning that he knew them before they got expelled from Heaven, and midway both the pig demon and river demon remembered that the friendly mischievous stableboy and the monkey menace that terrorized Heaven were the same person. Or, more funny factor, only the horse knew that the three were acquainted with each other before their disgrace and is just waiting for them to notice that they knew each other. When did you think SWK met Macaque, before he went to train in Subodhi's place, or after that?

hey <3 this will prob be a long answer, so imma just put everything under the cut :)

let us begin with headcanon #1

Bai He is one of LBD's descendants

ok, i have some issues with this hc tbh

1) LBD is a bone spirit, not in anyway a celestial or a human, also she's labeled as a demon simply bc the term yāoguài (妖怪) is synonymous to demon & evil spirit (and LBD falls into the "evil spirit" category, although from past showings it appears that she wasn't always "evil" but by lmk canon she is).

2) despite being in the "demon" category like DBK and Spider Queen, she feels very separate from them. idk, maybe it's just me, but LBD feels like one entity, like there cannot be ancestors or descendents of her bc she is way too connected to her own spirit essence (i don't know how to word that better). what i mean is, LBD's powers and statures feels a lot older than the celestial court itself. she holds herself with such high stature, she talks about destiny and fate as if she was there when they were created. she is old as bones (pun fully intended) and knows it. there is no one like her because there cannot be.

and 3) if Bai He were to have some ancestral connection to LBD, i think it would make more sense that an ancestor of hers was a priest to LBD rather than LBD herself.

but also, there's a part of me that feels like inserting Bai He into some past connection with LBD takes away from the chilling notion that LBD just picked Bai He for the sole reason that Bai He was a child, that Bai He was innocent, that Bai He was a casualty of her greater goal that she was willing to sacrifice. Bai He demonstrates LBD's uncaring and apathetic cruelty towards humans (the people she originally wanted to help) bc to her, once she builds that "perfect world," the humans will not remember her past actions or what it cost to create a Heaven on Earth.

she got that "end justify the means" mentality, ya know?

Wukong knowing his companions pre-JTTW

so, yes, i do love this headcanon, but i am also so conflicted bc on one hand: hilarious dramatic irony that these guys were familiar with each other in the past but because of centuries of shit, neither of them remember or one of them remembers bc reasons.

but i also think no bc i highly doubt Sun Wukong would remember every single celestial he interacted with while he was in Heaven. i think it would be funnier if he never recognized them bc both Zhu Baije and Sha Wujing have changed dramatically (Zhu Baije looks like a pig now, Sha Wujing.....i don't remember....shit). maybe he would think, "hey, these guys remind me of some idiots i met in Heaven lol," but it wouldn't really click unless it was made super obvious to him.

personally, i think Sha Wujing and Zhu Baije know but mostly because everybody knows it was Sun Wukong, Handsome Monkey King, Great Sage Equal to Heaven, who wreaked havoc in Heaven (twice, i might add) and went to war over it and almost won. like, in the books at least, Zhu Baije was very aware of who SWK was when his "wife" (whom swk was disguised as in order to sneak into the pig demon's house that wasn't actually his house) informed him that the monk he captured was accompanied by the legendary and horrifying Sun Wukong.

however, Sha Wujing would be the only one of the three to recognize Zhu Baije as the celestial guard who tried to flirt with Chang'e and faced the consquences but i highly doubt they even talked to each other before JTTW.

the Ao Lie addition is very funny, but idk if the guy would even remember any of the Heavenly court's faces or names unless he had to interact with them a lot (i will add it to my lists of headcanons tho bc it is funny and i like it, so my logical brain will have to suck it up).

When did SWK meet Macky

oh dear, i change my mind about this all the time. like, both work pretty good in my mind and would still illustrate that these monkeys were old, old friends who were close long before the brotherhood. even before s4 special came out my personal headcanon was that SWK & Mac met at most before SWK crossed his name from the Diyu, soooooo props to me.

tbh it doesn't really matter to me when they meet, but i'll go ahead and say my "range" for when they met and became besties is after SWK became monkey king to right after SWK trained under Master Subodhi (hey, maybe they even met when SWK was heading back to FFM and they hit it off so well, SWK just invited Mac to come over and the idiot never left)

so yeah, there's my thoughts :3

[yourlocaldisneyvillain]

Honestly as a virgin I am more than just a little confused what defines a top and a bottom in cis sapphic relationships cause like... if you're the top what kind of sexual touch do you get before you're classified as the bottom? O.o

okay so. i am by no means an Expert lol, i can speak from my own experience only. i am not super well versed in certain terminology, but i can offer my understanding of it and how i see it myself. that being said!!! ->

on tumblr dot com (and the internet in general, but here especially) you will find a lot of the top/bottom, dom/sub terminology. now, the dom/sub thing goes more into the bdsm direction, but people sometimes use top/bottom, dom/sub thing interchangeably, even though they are not the same thing. to return to the top/bottom thing -> it's actually terminology that comes from cis gay men to mean like, who is the one penetrating and who is being penetrated, which is a dynamic in which that term actually makes any sort of real sense haha. other queer people have adopted the term (even straight people have), twisting its meaning and applying it how they feel works for their own sexual habits (not a bad thing per se, but it's good to know where the term originated). nowadays i think people use it mostly to mean like, who is more dominant, who is more submissive (venturing into that dom/sub territory, but not in an intense way like if you went the super kinky bdsm route), and what that even means is honestly up to interpretation of anyone engaging in any sort of sexual act. but yeah, if we are talking about cis sapphic relationships the term can't be used in its original meaning, obviously. for one, sex between two women doesn't have to involve penetration at all, so who is the one being penetrated hardly matters, plus why would being penetrated even mean you are more submissive?? when you start to really deconstruct this shit it sorta gives you a headache lol. so what *does* it mean in sapphic sex, then? well, the unhelpful answer is that it kinda means what you want it to mean. how i personally use it is like, if my relationship has some sort of sexual power dynamic (in terms of like, who is the one initiating, taking charge or guiding where the sexual encounter sorta goes, if there is any sort of dom/sub dynamic we want to engage in for fun or pleasure), or i sometimes use the term in the context of like, i am the one providing pleasure for the other person and maybe i am not letting the other person reciprocate. HOWEVER!!!!!!! big disclaimer now!!!!

this top/bottom shit is stuff you hear from people on tumblr dot com lol (and a lot of them are like chronically online, into some super niche sexual shit, or super inexperienced, not that there's something necessarily wrong with that, but they lack the perspective real life offers you haha, so if you use their advice and worldview irl you probs won't get very far). in most people's lives, in most healthy relationships, there is not like this top/bottom, dom/sub dynamic going on at all times, or at all. there doesn't have to be a top and a bottom in a sexual relationship.

i thought the Drama(TM) in my inbox about whether i am dominant or submissive was very entertaining, and if asked i will definitely describe myself as more dominant, but honestly that's not a way i think about my sexuality. i don't like.... go around the world thinking hehe yes i am a Top(TM) and don't like pursue women being like hehehe i am a top looking for a bottom i Must Dominate someone or i will Combust. i just like. enjoy kinky sex sometimes and that sometimes includes some sort of top/bottom dynamic, and if it comes to that you know which one i am lol. i have ALSO spent a lot of my younger years fucking around in my slutty phase with the mindset of like, there *has* to be a power dynamic in sex and that has led me to like engage in certain things i guess. however, BIG DISCLAIMER, that was really not a great period of my life -> i am a person who has a complicated relationship to sex, and if was often times very unhealthy.

TW: MENTION OF SEXUAL ABUSE IN THE NEXT PARAGRAPH i am a survivor of sexual abuse, on which i will not elaborate, but suffice to say it was an ongoing thing that fucked with my brain, and i dealt with it as a young woman the best i could and knew how. i thought there had to be a power dynamic in sex because my first encounter with it was someone repeatedly abusing their power over me. it was not the greatest haha. only recently have i improved my relationship to sex. i still like kinky shit tho lol, but i think internet ppl would still consider me kinda vanilla ahahaha. so yeah, that's just like, some context for all these things i say i guess. END TW

so yeah, sapphic sex definitely does not need to include any sort of top/bottom dynamics. if you want, you can experiment with that, see what you're comfortable with and think about what being a top or a bottom would even mean to you personally. also a lot of women just use top/bottom to mean who is doing the pleasuring and who is being pleasured, so maybe that's something you vibe with, maybe not. irl, things just sort of happen. you just like, find a girl you like, you want to make her feel good. when i like a woman, i like lose my mind if she kisses my hand or smth. the last thing on my mind is like 'how will i Dominate Her' lol. you just sorta go with the flow, see what feels good for her, show her what feels good for you, you share something together, moments of intimacy, passion and connection. you don't think about who is a top or who is a bottom. if that is something you are both into, you can explore some kinkier stuff. maybe she's like oh i like to be pinned down and fucked and you're like GREAT would love to do that for ya, that would turn me on and i'd enjoy it, ya know. so you venture into that top/bottom dynamic and shit. but it's not something that *has* to happen, that's only if you're into that. do it bc (or if!) it's fun and bc you enjoy it and bc you like to see your partner enjoy herself, it's not a must.

okay i think i said most things i wanted to say. sorry this is so long, i just felt the need to offer advice no one has offered me when i was a virgin haha. don't stress, when you find someone you like and trust enough to have sex with, you can experiment with things you are interested in and see how you vibe. maybe top/bottom dynamic will not apply to your sexual experience!

if you have any other questions i'll be happy to answer them to the best of my abilities! take care <3

[aceofwhump]

Ik this has prob been asked before, but as a fellow ace in whump comm, i'm kinda curious as to how your asexuality affects your perception or preferences in whump? Thanks!

That is such a good and interesting question and I'm so sorry for how long it took me to respond to it but I had never really given it that much thought before and trying to put it into words proved to be challenging. I've written this like 8 times and I'm still not sure I got it. I hope this makes some kind of sense.

Disclaimer: I am only speaking of my own experiences and feelings and how they relate to one another. I am in no way speaking for every asexual, whump lover, or ace whumper. Also my aromanticism and my asexuality are very much connected at times and I sometimes have trouble separating them so some of this is also related to my aro-ness.

There's been a lot of talk in the community over the years about how maybe whump is our way, as asexual whumpers, of making up somehow for our lack of sexual attraction and that whumperflies are our version of sexual attraction and I think there's definitely some truth in that. There's a lot of overlap and similar feelings between the two (as far as I know as someone who doesn't feel sexual attraction) but I don't know how much I personally relate to that theory. It does make some sense I admit that but something about that theory never sat right with me. It's too close that thing that people say that we're missing or lacking something. I've never felt like I was lacking something by being asexual because lacking something means I'm incomplete somehow? And I'm not. I'm just as complete and human as any allo. So the idea that my love of whump or my whumperflies is my brain making up for missing something kinda makes me feel idk weird? I don't know. It's hard to explain sorry.

For me, whump and my enjoyment of it has absolutely nothing to do with my sexuality and in a way I suppose that is how my asexuality affects my perception and preferences. What I mean by that is that when I go in search for whump, when I experience whumperflies, when I like a specific trope or scene or character, there is absolutely nothing sexual about any of it. It doesn't affect who I want whumped. It doesn't affect what trope I enjoy more. Whumperflies are not my version of sexual attraction. In my head, whumperflies just mean I really enjoyed that whump because it made me feel things emotionally and I am reacting to those emotions in a physical way. That's it. Whump is just a genre of fiction I really really enjoy. It's not my kink. It's not sexual for me. It is for a lot of people and that's totally cool and valid but it just isn't for me. Is that because of my asexuality? Yeah probably. More than likely. If I experienced sexual attraction it might make me perceive whump and whumperflies differently. Because I am asexual, whump is just whump.

In terms of my preferences of whump I had a sort of epiphany about this. My favorite kind of whumps are all non whumper whump. By that I mean things that occur not because they are inflicted by another person but more like things that happen to him. Things like nightmares, accidents, natural disasters, sickness, etc. The closest I get to liking whumper whumps are things like gunshots or being chained up. Occasionally kidnapping or torture scenes. All things that don't involve multiple people or someone intimately doing it to another person. And I've started to wonder if that's related to the fact that I am a semi touch averse asexual. If I wasn't asexual would I enjoy whumper/whumpee more? Do I like non whumper whump because I'm asexual and don't like physical intimacy? I don't know. Maybe.

I could also love a trope but if it's not happening to a character I connect with emotionally then it means nothing to me. I need that emotional connection 99% of the time or I get nothing out of it. It's not just the trope, it's the context of it and who it's happening to. Physical attractiveness doesn't really come into play all that often. I need an emotional connection to the character in order to enjoy their whumps.

It also affects the character dynamics I prefer. This is where my aromanticism comes into play as well and gets kinda entangled with my asexuality in a way that I can't quite distinguish between the two so I'm sorry if I get a little confusing here. My preferred character relations are platonic and familial (found or bio). I actively avoid romantic whump mostly because it turns sexual soooo fast. It's become so difficult to find AO3 fics that are not focused on a romantic pairing and are not smut. If that gets into my whump it almost always turns it sour for me. Sex and most of the time romance sours my enjoyment of whump. That is directly related to my aroaceness for sure. 100%. So I seek out friends, siblings, found families, parental figures and their grown "adopted" manchild, mentor/mentees, etc.

The best way I can think of to explain it is the difference between Wednesday Addams and Morticia Addams and their enjoyment of pain and blood and violence. I'm mostly thinking of the Netlfix show right now with this comparison btw. So Wednesday when she's enjoying blood and violence it's because she's just enjoying it for what it is. But Morticia. Morticia's love of pain and violence is much closer related to it turning her on. It's definitely more sexual for Morticia. it is NOT for Wednesday. I am Wednesday (hence why I headcanon Wednesday as aroace among other reasons).

Does that make sense? Does any of this make sense? I'm having such a hard time articulating all of this mostly because I've never thought that hard about it all before. I'm asexual. I enjoy whump. That's as far as I'd thought about it before. Hopefully this all isn't too weird or whatever. It's a good question.

[my-shields-are-down]

Ok it may be unpopular but I agree w you. As you said, the “brutal hours” part and the Lt. made me worried. Like I can totally see it putting a strain on Lucy and Tim’s relationship. How are their schedules gonna work? And will Tim be working somewhere else? And like the Lt. def seems like someone Tim or the crew will have probs w in the future. Also like I’m worried Tim might get upset if he finds out Lucy secretly planned this since they agreed to not lie to each other. And in the sneak peek insta story of Tim going paintballing(?), he doesn’t look v happy. Another angst era wouldn’t surprise me.

Well on the plus side, not that I 100% trust Alexi Hawley, but he said that yes there would be complications but they were not going to go backwards in their relationship. So I still firmly believe in Chenford moving forward full steam ahead.

And causing a strain would cause angst, but not nearly as much as if they broke up. I think both Tim and Lucy will fight to stay together no matter what is thrown in their path because a) they are in love with each other and b) they both know they'd never recover from being apart. That would be devastating to both of them. Plus the fandom would go after Alexi - my pitchfork is ready.

That said, yes, I think Tim might be pre-maturely excited for Metro. We know so little about the group, the leader, the team members, what they do, how they operate, etc. There's definitely room for angst to appear, but all of those angsty moments give Chenford the opportunity to address them as a unified front as opposed to individually.

If they want to address their schedules, they can always move in together. And the "no lies" thing I don't see as much of a problem -because they are horribly liars to each other. Tim knew Lucy was up to something when he saw her at John's house. He just didn't know what.

I think the new LT - who was recruiting NOLAN of all people - which makes no sense to me at all - will be an interesting relationship.

I think Lucy has already put things in motion to address that. By reaching out to the SGT Tim replaced, and offering Tamara's baby sitting services - she's garnered a connection and potential ally for herself and Tim to pre-navigate the office politics of the team. I thought that move alone was extremely smart and strategic. A way to circumvent the SGTs talk warning from Nyla. Using the "talk" to their advantage.

I am so excited for that paintball training. LOL - Tim had paint on his forehead UNDER the goggles. I am sure that Lucy = being the #1 shooter at MidWilshire, is helping Tim prepare and kicking his ass.

So while I was all doom and gloom to begin with, I do think that Tim moving to Metro will be great for propelling Chenford forward.

Maybe there will be angst and maybe not. I'm excited regardless to see how it all unfolds for my favorite fictional characters.

Thanks for asking!

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

so like. this is going to be so rambly and i'm sorry. please skim lol i don't want to put you through all that. but i've been thinking i might be ace or prob gray ace for over two years. and i'm still convincing myself "it just hasn't happened yet you'll start feeling regular attraction someday." and like it's not that i haven't had a sexual awakening yet or whatever lmao i definitelyyy have. i'm an adult and i def experience like a sex drive and think about it lots lol it's just the attraction isn't really there and that's the part that would make me ace, like in theory i know that it's what makes the most sense.

but i think i have experienced genuine attraction ... like twice in my life. and i kept thinking 'when i go to college, i'll feel more attraction, i just don't like anyone at this school.' and i do feel occassional attraction in college now, i do feel it more here. i do regularly think people i walk past are attractive, but it's never anything real. it never lasts or anything. and i'm wondering if this is just how everyone feels, but it doesn't feel that way. i haven't had a legit crush that i didn't force in years. and when i feel this fleeting attraction like it doesn't feel like it could become something real. but i don't know if that experience of attraction is just what everyone feels or not.

like i always thought the thing that made me maybe ace was that i didn't find people hot based on appearnace walking past them. and now that's all i ever kind of feel and i never feel the deeper attraction i would very occassionally feel in the past. so i'm just so confused. and i feel like the amounts of atttraction i do feel would negate my aceness (even though i think i'd go with the label gray ace anyway and that's literally exactly what it's for lmao).

but the thing is like. i feel like i'm having an aspec life experience. like the little attraction i think i do feel doesn't negate the fact that more and more i'm starting to doubt whether i will find someone i am substantially attracted to long term who is also interested in me and so i don't think i will have a typical allo romantic/sexual life. and i don't even know if i would want sexual and/or romantic things if they actually started happening outside of my head.

and i'm wondering if i'm aro spec too. which logically. i know that if i am ace spec i am also aro spec because i don't think the two things are disentangled for me personally. and that scares me a lot and i think i just haven't wanted to admit it to myself. but then i also don't want to be wrong and i don't know what the attraction i do (think i) feel means. and i know almost every aspec person feels like this at least at first and i have to let go of it but i can't.

anyway i just think like. if i've been feeling this same way for over two years and i haven't been "proven wrong" yet. then like why am i still waiting to be "proven wrong." non aspec people usually know they are not aspec, don't they. they usually don't doubt it because the feelings are so obvious. and if i'm sitting here, two years later, still going "well i don't know maybe that WAS attraction." then like. i need to accept it.

but i don't know. i feel like if i am aspec, i'm a really weird aspec person lmao. like i feel way too obsessed with the idea of sex and romance to be aspec. even though logically i know that's very common and it's about real world attraction. and i think that's also why i'm so hesitant. because i don't want it to be true because i want to want all that so badly.

sorry for this being LONG. thank you for reading this, i actually don't know who to talk to about this. it feels so personal and hard to explain.

Yes, generally speaking experiencing attraction the way you do is different than how allo people usually experience it. Allo people generally experience attraction in a sustained way and the feelings are usually quite strong and noticeable even if they're not looking for them.

Aces on the other hand do sometimes experience attraction, but in a way that's fleeting, doesn't last long or feels weak. And you have outlined in this ask a lot of common reasons why people identify as ace and how it's experience based and often it can be based a lot in experiencing things differently than allo people do or are expected to.

I would definitely encourage you at this stage to at least explore asexuality and see if that would be a useful label for you. (Gray-asexuality is good too, but there isn't really a distinct line between the two, you can also use both labels at the same time if you want.)

For a lot of people romantic and sexual feelings/attraction are wrapped up with each other. But if you're not feeling ready to explore aromanticism yet, that's OK. And a lot of people who are both on the ace and aro spectrums will often figure one out then the other. Though of course you can look into both if you want to.

I disagree that these conflicting feelings you're having are something you just have to get over. Instead I'd say it's something that's better to work through. A lot of people have to work to accept being aro, it just takes time, but spending time in aro spaces, looking up aro media, and following aro blogs can all help.

Honestly nothing here is screaming 'not aspec' to me, even obsessing over romance and sex. Some aspec people think about both a lot and do like both in certain ways (but usually have some reason for identifying as ace or aro).

My advice at this stage anon would be just to explore. Follow ace and aro blogs, read up on ace and aro experiences. Check out media with ace and aro characters (there's especially a lot of book lists and podcasts out there with ace and aro characters, and easy to find rec lists, though I can share some too if you're having trouble.)

Places you may find interesting to check out:

Carnival of Aces and Carnival of Aros: These are both monthly blogging events according to a theme, and you can dig through their archives.

Arocalypse: An aro themed forum, they also have a really good faq.

A couple a-spec microlabels you may find interesting or want to look into (it's your choice if you feel like these may fit you or if you want to use them or not):

Caligosexual/caligoromantic: Sexual/romantic attraction that is very weak, vague, or almost nonexistent, like a vapor, fog, or mist.

Aegosexual/aegoromantic: someone who has things they find sexual/romantic, but doesn't want to be a participant themselves. Someone who feels a disconnect between themselves and the subjection of their arousal/romantic feelings.

And don't be afraid to take your time. This is all a lot. If you have more questions or want anything clarified, don't be afraid to send in more asks either.

All the best, Anon! Good luck!

[karak9]

Me again! I wanna apologize now in case I say anything that I shouldn’t in this, I’m not trying to be offensive or belittle you I’m just new to this kind of identification, but I would like to understand it better so I can be more considerate about it in the future. So here’s a few questions, you don’t have to answer if it makes you uncomfortable!

What goes on with the others while one of them is fronting or co-fronting? Is it like you choose to let one of them take over your consciousness? Are they there in the background?

is it like constantly having other voices in your head? Like that each have their own personalities and thoughts and such? And if so, is it fun, or is it overwhelming to have all their different thoughts battling each other out?

im not sure how to phrase this, but what happens when you let one or the other front? Do you feel like you’re switching thoughts and personalities? Is it like having a bunch of separate people/creatures in your head that take turns using your physical body to express themselves?

when you co-front, is it like both of them have control over your physical body but are talking to eachother, or rapidly switching from one to another, or one of them takes over and is relaying information from the other?

I really am sorry if this is intrusive or offensive in any way, I know literally nothing about this so I would love to learn more, but I understand if you don’t want to answer any or all of these. I’ll prob ask more to each of them later, but first I would like to develop a basic understanding of how it works so I can be respectful. Thank you!

it's cool, I understand not a lot of people know much about plurality and it's never a bad thing to be curious :)

it's different for everyone. for our system, I can't really fully let go of front so I don't lose consciousness or anything, I'm always fully aware but sometimes may be really dissociate-y when someone else fronts. it's like being on autopilot kind of, like watching your body do things but you aren't doing them consciously. I have struggled with dissociation all my life so the autopilot thing is familiar for me and doesn't always mean someone else is fronting, it's just similar. when someone else is fronting it's more like the autopilot is being controlled by a specific personality other than my own, I guess. for our system, we can choose to let someone else front and that's usually how it goes, but sometimes I will dissociate because of stress or something and someone else will take over for a bit until I feel better. it's very easy for me to take front again when I want to/need to.

I don't hear them constantly, but once in a while someone will pop up with a thought, but usually it's me talking to them and they respond.

I guess I already kinda answered this but yeah it does kind of feel like I'm just changing personalities, maybe because we're co-fronting but also I do feel my headmates aren't Super separate from me as a person like with some systems, we're like in between multiple (multiple people in one body) and median (one person with different aspects of themselves formed into different personalities) I think. I hope that makes sense to you!

mostly the last one! when we co-front, it's usually 1 person who is mainly fronting while the other(s) is watching and easily able to take front again or do an action. like, if kai is fronting we'll be internally talking (if I feel like talking, sometimes it's just him talking to me and letting me know what he's doing) and if he's cleaning the house I could control our body for a moment to move a plushie to where I want it and then let him do the rest. it's usually very blurry and sometimes I don't know what actions are mine and what are the other headmate's. also they tend to know what I want and I tend to know what they want because like I said, we aren't entirely separate people. they have their own thoughts and opinions but we rarely really disagree, thankfully lol. would suck to disagree with someone you're stuck with bc they live in your head lmao. I'd say kai is the most separate from us because he started as an imaginary friend but usually he's the voice of reason when I don't want to listen or take care of myself.

all of this is personal to our system of course, if you'd like to learn more you might want to do some research or ask other systems :) we appreciate the questions though, it's fun answering them!

[fatalfangirl]

🎯👀 and you’ve prob done this one before but I’m curious if its changed ❌ for the fanfic writers ask

Thank you for the ask 💕

🎯 Have any of your readers accurately guessed major plot points? Care to share which?

Surprisingly no! Then again, I haven't done many chaptered fics, so there haven't been many opportunities to guess what happens. Somehow my twists have stayed fairly surprising to people.

👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please!

Oh gosh, I really don't have much. I'm a one track mind kind of writer, so my only up and coming wips are my existing wips! But I know you like Dead in Vegas, so I will talk a little about that one (which I have surprisingly continued to periodically chip away at). For those who don't know, Dead in Vegas is my attempt at an action fic featuring on-the-run secret agents Simon and Baz.

The whole story takes place over 4 days, which was the original chapter count of the fic, but too much was happening each day so the count went up.

My entire goal with this fic is to play with writing action and allow myself to not feel like everything makes sense. Like it's okay to write something because it's funny or fun even if it would never happen in real life. This is me attempting that to the extreme.

❌ What's a trope you will never write?

These days, I'm down for anything when it comes to fan fics. Which is funny because I am so extremely particular with what I will watch, but writing fics? Never is a strong word... There are tropes I like more than others, but also I feel like writing is a good way to sort through what I would otherwise not be willing to indulge in or broach.

Full list of fic writer questions here.

[menalez]

i'm sorry if this is going to be long but i'm honestly a bit at my wits ends here. nearly a week ago, i was hit with the strongest realization in my life that i am prob a homosexual who's severely traumatized by everything that's happened to me and hence why it took me a very long time to come to terms with it. i held onto other labels like my life depended on it and although i used the lesbian label before, it was a couple of years ago and it was only for like a month or so before i doubted myself, freaked out, and went with another label. i thought, okay, that's it, i am done with that mess and can just move on with my life. idk what happened recently, but it was a combination of coming across a post by a straight woman who thought she was bi/les before realizing that being online destroyed her brain and made her think she wasn't attracted to men when she clearly was, and how she realized it finally because she noticed only being sexually aroused easily by men's bodies (like when they are topless at the beach or smth), plus a documentary i saw about gay conversion therapy that featured a gay man talking about how he was desperate to be normal and chased after marriage with a woman "with a vengeance" (a thought process i am very familiar with).... there's other things but i don't want this to get too long or triggering for other ppl so i'll stop here. but just like that, it hit me like a heavy truck that i was only into women this entire time and just hated myself so much. didn't helped that many people in my life, including perfect strangers, telling me that they think i'm actually gay. but then i see posts on yr blog about "so called lesbians coming out later in life are actually just bisexual" and now i'm like.... idk what to believe anymore. i wish i can talk about this with other lesbians about this and just let them all determine what i truly am, because the last thing i want to do is come out and then a man comes into my future and ~change everything~ lmao sounds so stupid when i wrote it like that but yeah. i don't want to hurt lesbians with this, but i also don't have to feel like living a lie anymore or keep trying to "heal: myself because anytime i try to do so, even if it's something as simple as looking at pictures or drawings of a p*nis, i feel so disgusted i want to throw up. i know for a fact that there has never been a moment in my life where i felt that real sexual desire over men or male bodies or anything like that, but all of that gets muddied when other factors have been thrown in due to my life events, if that makes sense. like i'm sorry if this sounds horrible but there is a part of me that hopes i am not a homosexual. i love gay men and lesbians just like anyone else, but i just don't want this to be true. i feel like my life has already been hard for other reasons, and putting this on top of everything else will be too much for me to handle and i'll just end up killing myself over it in the end. i want to live and be happy, but i'm just so conflicted over this topic.

just to clarify, i have never argued that the age in which a lesbian comes out means shes actually bisexual or not. i was complaining explicitly about how many bisexual women will use the label lesbian upon realising their same sex attraction later in life, will talk about having been into men etc but will say theyre lesbians *now*. i take issue with these women because i believe there are genuine lesbians who came out later in life being overshadowed by this phenomenon of bi women leaving their ex-husbands and then claiming to be lesbians bc they decided after 2 decades of dating men that they only want to date women (which is fine, but exclusively wanting to date women and exclusively being into women are overlapping yet different things). i think it harms actually "late bloomer lesbians" bc a lot, that ive seen, using that term are indeed bisexual not lesbians.

that said, i can understand your mindset and where you're coming from. but take it from me, rejecting your sexuality and wishing it away and trying to ignore it and trying to change it etc will simply not work. you may ultimately be wrong, sure, and for that reason i encourage you to take your time thinking over your life and analysing your feelings towards men if necessary, and only when you're sure of it declare what your sexuality is. sure, you may end up wrong somehow regardless, there's no guarantee that despite our certainty that we are the sexuality we believe ourselves to be. but if you push yourself into the closet and deny yourself and reject yourself bc of the off-chance that maybe just maybe you're actually bisexual with such a strong preference for women (despite having no history of being into men nor hints of that attraction to them) isn't going to help you either.

your fear does make sense. i went through similar when i was coming to terms with my sexuality and i absolutely did not want to be a lesbian. the thought of it literally put me into such a terrible state of panic, i would've much preferred to just be bi so that i could potentially have a socially acceptable life in my country. but no wishing and rejecting ourselves will change our sexuality, it'll simply make us more traumatised and unhappy. you seem fairly confident in your feelings to me, don't reject yourself with unlikely What Ifs.. as many other bi women said on this topic, there usually ARE signs of OSA throughout their lives, they just explain it away. if u have never & continue not to feel anything sexual towards male bodies, if u have never had a crush on a man including male celebs, etc then i think ur far more likely than not a lesbian. ignoring that will not change ur sexuality, but its up to u how u move forward with that. i can at least tell u that from my experience, accepting myself for who i am has changed my life positively and gave me a will to live that i was lacking in my life prior. its difficult to face discrimination and lesbophobia, but its even more difficult to still face some of that AND on top of it be rejecting urself and hating urself

[punch-love]

I don’t know what you mean by para social relationships, could you expend on that?

Also, I would love to know what reason I think it could be before seeing what I wrote? I’m curious to know where ur headspace is at for it

But honestly, I just don’t know. I don’t know why I’m interested. It’s probably because I’m lonely and under a lot of stress? I recently moved out of the state for grad school and it’s super intense, and I’m probably just attaching my love for your work into interest on you? I also am naturally an inquisitive person so that is how I communicate w people I like talking to in my own life so it’s no different than how I normally am. You also are really honest, and I tend to enjoy talking to honest people? But u are the most difficult/challenging person that I have communicated w, I feel like in person maybe I set down peoples defenses or maybe I naturally will pull away who are just kinda difficult overall so maybe I’m just intrigued? But that wouldn’t make sense if I pull away from people who are that way then it wouldn’t be a contributing factor to why I am interested? So idk. (Is it offensive for me to theorize that possible assessment? Maybe ur just that way on here, I couldn’t make an assessment on the spectrum of how difficult it is to deal w u in real life. It feels offensive for me to say it or say I’m making or made that assessment. But maybe it’s because I would hate for someone to say im difficult, but I can’t imagine anyone that would like to read that about themselves, so there’s no way it wasn’t offensive? But I can’t ignore the fact that u are that way on here, but I also don’t know if that is a contributing factor or it’s just happenstance? But I def do get nervous every time I send a message out to u lol. I just never know what ur reaction is going to be lol) But then again why am I not doing it or interested in other spideypool writers, or anyone else in general? Could be doing the same w other people on tumblr but I’m not? I just don’t know. Feels like I’m psychoanalyzing myself. And you’ll prob hate at least one thing I’ve said on here, because I seem to be very repellent to u lol. But ya, I just don’t know.

Also, I’m totally gonna send u another message because I don’t want everyone reading that so if u want u can respond on that message? Unless u do really want my words out there, but I can’t imagine u would because again, I’m sure u hate something on there that I wrote lol

And I’ll prob think of more things too later to consider into the equation, but I do need to get back to studying

I think that you don't often experience pushback to this degree, and it irritates you as much as it engages you. I imagine you're used to people (especially on this site) being excited - if not overeager, to talk about themselves without boundaries. If you're a personality who is used to getting what they want in regard to your curiosity, finding someone who won't adjust their boundaries to feed your habit probably is surprising as it is challenging.

"You are the most difficult/challenging person I have ever communicated with" is such a high compliment. I know you personally struggle to see it as one, but I truly appreciate that perception. I always find it surprising when people enjoy my work but expect the person behind the difficult and challenging writing to be something of a pushover or, at the very least, overtly friendly with malleable boundaries. I don't think all writers reflect their work, but I think my personality is reflected well in what I produce. I think, as I said, you're used to people bending to your questioning because many people are easy to flatter into oversharing. I'm not driven by flattery or attention. I don't overshare about myself in my real life either, and I get very similar responses to that as I do online.

I think I've become something of a character in your mind - you've realized that there is something interesting in me and you, someone who enjoys excavating, thinks that you should be allowed to see what it is. You're not, and it upsets you. If I'm not a personality type that you normally engage, then likely you feel similar to me, as people do with reading about characters they wouldn't necessarily be friends with. I don't display traits you'd befriend, but they are traits you find interesting in, say, a book character and so, like a fictional personality, you are trying to learn more about me out of selfish interest.

It is interesting to me though that no matter how many times I try to establish a boundary around talking about myself, you are consistently looking for loopholes and then find me defensive. Do you think that if you ask the right question in the right way, then you will unlock the answers that I have purposefully made it hard for you to access? If I said, I won't answer personal questions two days ago - why would you ask me personal questions again? Did you think that my boundaries would change overnight, and because they didn't is that what you consider defensive behavior? I find your entitlement to my personality puzzling, but also, if you've always had people open to your natural curiosity, maybe it's not surprising that finding someone who isn't would make "cracking me open" so to speak a challenge you are interested in. The fact that you found the door shut on this blog, and then immediately sought for a new door on another, makes me think that you see this as a game. Did it not cross your mind that, perhaps, I really didn't want to talk about myself and that was okay?

It makes sense that you find defensiveness a negative trait. With the way you have tried to circumnavigate my boundaries, it feels like you think that everyone has a breaking point and if you just approach it from the right angle then you are given the answer you (for some reason) think you're owed. I don't consider myself a defensive person so much as a person with very firm, clear boundaries and a solid perception of myself that doesn't need the affirmation or attention of others to feed it. I don't need to tell you about myself, but you really want to know. It bothers you that I don't want to share, so you label me as a defensive instead of someone displaying a boundary.

You get nervous because you know I'm not going to lie to you and because I'm not going to lie to you I'm going to be honest about how your words affect me. If you're not used to that, it can be scary to see how you actually exist in the minds of other people. I'm not going to sugar coat my response, I'm not going to lie, and I'm not going to feel bad about it (even though, I do not seek to be mean/unkind to people online I just am not nice when people are being inconsiderate to me and my limits) I've noticed the less you share with others, the more they want to know about you. It's why people break into reclusive celebrity houses or internet stalk pretty girls who don't have Instagram. It's invasive, it's fucked up - sure - but if you think that other people's lives and experiences are something that you're owed - of course you're going to try it.

You're not the only follower I have that's upset and/or intrigued by my nature, so I am publishing this for that reason. I know you will read this is as rude and uncalled-for, but you have to remember - imagine setting up a boundary over five times and have someone still knock at the door. It's exhausting. I really love the questions you had about my writing/stories/characters, and wish you respected my desire to just only talk about it. You might take this messages as me never wanting to talk to you again - it's not - I just really, really, very literally - just want to talk about my writing. I don't know how many times I have to say that for people to take me seriously, but this is all I want to talk about.

I don't think you're a bad person, probably just someone with not a lot of experience with strong personalities or firm boundaries. I respect that, but I really wish you would respect me too.