#this post went way deeper than i thought it would but I'm trying to work on being more positive and I wanted to share

[super-who-locked-me-in-here]

Okay wait now that I'm seriously getting back into writing fanfiction, I'm gonna give you the best piece of fanfic-writing advice I think I can give:

Even if you think it's not your best work, or if you think it's just plain bad, especially if you think it's cringe, post it anyway.

It is a hard lesson to take in. You read other people's works and you compare it to your own. You write and write and write and you still can never get the word choice you think would do your work justice. You worry that the view/like count won't get higher than double digits, if that much. You second guess yourself and even when you really wanna post your work, you don't because you're scared of getting judged.

And it's true, some people are gonna judge you, but the flipside of that is that some people are gonna get so much joy out of what you write.

My fic baby is a 50k xreader fic I wrote when I was 17, and for the most part, I'm really proud of that fanfic because I put a lot of work into it. But Jesus Christ the smut is so bad in it. I wrote that the female reader was on the verge of orgasming, but instead of just saying that, I said she was "caught in vaginal limbo". I thought I was clever. Now that I'm in my 20s, I realize just how fucking cringe that is. I've thought about going back and rewriting that scene dozens of times, but every time I think about doing that, I remind myself of the comments on the chapter. Of course there were people who said things along the lines of "wtf are you writing", but there were also comments of people saying "author vaginal limbo made me laugh so hard I cried" and I remember this: my bad writing made someone smile and that's all that matters.

Most of the fics currently on my AO3 are ones I wrote as a teenager, and a lot of them are not great, but if the fic has just one comment, or one kudos, I tell myself, someone liked it, and I leave it up, unchanged, for them.

And even if your fic is badly written, you may have a great plot idea, and inspire someone else. I've had that happen to me too. The person who came along didn't tell me my fic was bad, but I told myself it was, but they asked me if they could write a fic about the same premise because they loved my prompt idea, and I told them I couldn't wait to see what they made (with credit for the idea ofc), even as I was so paranoid it would be better than mine. And it was better than mine. But honestly it doesn't matter whose was better written. It only matters that we both had fun writing and reading each other's fics, and contributing to that fandom space.

Lastly, I wanna say that this extends past fic writing. It doesn't matter if you're cringe or awkward or weird or clumsy. If you embarrassed yourself by tripping at the mall and spilling your drink, well, the lady sitting across the walkway got a good laugh that afternoon (and she helped me get napkins to clean up, which was nice). If you stutter over your words, someone will find that endearing, even if that someone isn't around now. If you fuck up a presentation at work/school, maybe that reflects poorly on you, but maybe someone in the audience is sitting there thinking "gosh I'm so glad I'm not the only one who gets nervous about presenting."

Yes there's always gonna be people who call you out and berate you for being cringe or annoying or embarrassing. But life isn't any fun if you're always winning. It isn't fulfilling like that. No one is perfect. No one has to be perfect. And by not being perfect and accepting that you are not perfect, you are not only going to live a happier life, but you're also probably going to inspire someone else to live a happier life too.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Besotted 9

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon/dubcon, virginity loss, age gap, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: your new neighbour brings intrigue and a bit of danger.

Characters: ex-con!Bucky Barnes (silverfox)

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

"You're fucking cheating dude," Sterling sweeps the plastic chips from the table.

Colin and Trent cackle and Ryan cradles his head, a few too many cans stacked around him. The other girls giggle as they set on the foldout sofa. You watch from your perch near the window, uneasy from your run-in. You're almost sober. 

"You're a sore loser," Trent hurls back and belches. "And drinking all my beer." 

"The fuck ever. You said help myself." 

"Not much help can save you," Colin chirps. 

"Would you all stop whining? God, little boys," Angelique cackles. 

"Little boys?" Trent scoffs. "Not what you said last time--" 

"Average at best," she retorts. 

"Compared to some," Colin smirks, catching your eye. You glower and look at the wall. He's such a slime, yet you have bigger things to worry about. 

You turn and peer out over the deck. You squint into the dim blue and the stirring waves beyond the coastline. Did Bucky really mean it? Is he really watching you? 

Well, he said it himself. He told you, he warned you, how many times, and you were so set on what you wanted. So much so that you just didn't care about what he wanted. You can't really blame him after all. 

You put your palms to your neck and shudder. He said he went to prison. What did he do? You should have worried about that sooner... you should have thought a lot more about all of this. 

"Missing the geezer?" Harley snarks as she struts up, another bottle of neon swill in hand. 

"No, I'm just... tired. The sun..." you shrug, unable to finish the lie. Half a lie; you are exhausted. 

"You didn't tell us everything," Hazel approaches. "How big was it?" 

"Jesus," you gasp. 

"Oh, your prude days are over," Tracy snorts. "So," she puts her hands up before her, "tell me when." She starts to move them apart and you scoff.  

You roll your eyes as heat creeps up your neck. You want to stop thinking about him. Desperately so. You want to believe that if you do, he'll just go away. Bucky was great but scary. You played with fire and now you don't want to get burned any more than you already have. 

"You guys are children," you push away from the window frame and march buy them. "I need some air." 

"Were his pubes grey? Like one of those scouring sponges?" Colin taunts. 

You ignore him with a shake of your head and stomp behind his chair. You feel the air stir as he reaches for you. You dodge him and storm out into the balmy evening. The door snaps shut behind you and you huff. 

You cross your arms and pace up and down the porch. The boards creak and have you spinning with paranoia. You stop and stare out into the trees. It's too dangerous for anyone to be out there. Even him. 

You sit on the top step and lean your elbows on your knees. You cradle your head. You think about all the red flags you raced past. That shady bar and his bruised knuckles. Did he hurt someone that day? 

Then there's that other chill. Not fear, but deeper. The way he made you feel. His patience, his calm intent as he devoured you bit by bit. It was amazing but you're young and it just doesn't make sense. What do you really know about Bucky? You don't even know why he went to prison. People don't go for stealing five cent candy... 

The door swings open and the hinges squeak. You don't look up. It's probably Angelique coming to tell you you're being a buzz killer. Not really. You separated yourself from the situation. Better then sticking around and moping. She only knows how to make her problems everyone else's. You could blame her for all of this. She dared you to do it. Still, you did it. 

Footsteps tramp heavily up next to you and hop down on the second step. Colin drops beside you on the step and slings his arm over your shoulder. You shrug him off as he snickers. 

"You know, the old man's not around..." 

"Stop," you mutter and cross your arms. 

"Come on. It's vacation. Have a little fun," he plants his hand behind you, leaning against you. "I've been hard all day." 

"You've been a creep forever," you sneer. "I want you to go away." 

"Why? I mean. You wear that suit all day, ready to pop out, and you expect me not to notice?" He slides closer, nearly crushing you against the railing. 

"I didn't wear it for you," you push your elbow into his side. "Take a hint, buddy." 

"I took all the hints," he caress the top of your ass. 

You growl and lift your hand. You reel back but before you can swing, he flies forward and lands at the bottom of the steps. You squeal and look up as a deep black shadow puffs above you. Bucky steps to the edge of the top stair as Colin wheezes on the ground. 

"What-- How--" You stand and he catches your upper arm. 

"You're leaving. Now." He snarls. 

"Bucky, I was dealing with him--" 

Colin coughs as he writhes in the dirt. 

"Sure you were. Barely," he growls. "I seen men like him in the pen. Animals. He wasn't gonna stop." 

"Let go--" 

To your surprise, he does, but only to barrel down the stairs. He grabs Colin as he tries to sit up, gripping his wrist as he pushes his middle finger back. The pop of his joint roils in your stomach. Colin hollers. 

"Bucky!" You hurtle down and latch onto him. 

"Fucker! Touching my woman," he grabs another finger. "Wanna see what happens to rats like you--" 

"Bucky! Stop. Please. Don't hurt him--" 

"What the fuck is this?" Angelique's whiny screech comes from behind a flash. You turn as she lights up the seen with her phone. "Oh my god! Are you serious?" She slams each foot down as she crosses the porch. "You invited this loser? Withou even asking?" 

"No, I--" You cling to Bucky as you tug on him. "I didn't--" 

"Don't fucking worry," he throws Colin's arm away and boots him in the side. "I don't wanna fucking be here." He turns to face the others as they follow the chaos outside. "I came here to take her away from you filth." 

"Filth?" Harley gasps. "Excuse you. You might be hot as fuck but you can't talk to us like that." 

Bucky walks up the steps calmly. "You gonna stop me?" 

Harley backs up and grabs onto Hazel. Both of them hide behind Sterling who just stares, a drunken droop in his eyelids. The others gape, sharing looks as aimless as your own. What do you do? 

You're jostled from behind and stumble. Colin staggers up the steps only for Bucky to spin and send him plummeting again. The crack of his fist carries up into the sky. He shakes out his fingers then points at you. 

"Go get your stuff. Now." 

The thunder of his voice, the violence he's wrought, it has your throat in a snare. You can't breathe, you can't think. Why is he doing this?

"What the fuck--" Kissie exclaims. 

"Bucky, please--" you put your hands up. "Don't hurt anyone else, okay? I'm going to.... I'm going to get my things. Alright? Just no more hitting." 

He glares at you then tilts his head. "Five minutes." 

You gulp and sidle past him. As you get to the top of the steps and Angelique postures, "yeah, get the fuck out of here, slut." 

You flinch. It was always a joke before. Whore, slut, bitch; not anymore. The venom in her voice makes your insides sour. 

"Ang?" 

"You ruined this whole fucking night," she shoves you. 

She squeals as suddenly her arm is wrenched back. Bucky spins her, pulling her wrist between her shoulder blades. Trent and Sterling step up but Bucky doesn't relent. 

"Trying it, you skinny fuckers," he barks. 

They stop. Trent clears his throat, "look, dude, let her go and get out of here." 

"I will," Bucky looks at you. "Go on, doll. Before anyone else does something stupid." 

You look at him. His face is cast in darkness but you feel the anger roiling off him. You turn and flit inside. The door is caught behind you. 

"Are you fucking serious? You brought that criminal here?!" Harley's on your heels. "He's hurting Angie." 

"I'm going, okay? I'll get rid of him." 

"Doesn't change that you led him here--" 

"Would you shut up?" You grab our phone and spin to face her. "And grow the fuck up. Stop whining. All of you are so immature and maybe I'm better off without you. Even if it's with him." 

Ryan falls out of his chair and belches. "Shhhhhh, sleep." You stare at him as he all but reaffirms your statement. You frown at Harley and throw your hands up. 

"Wow, you're a bitch," she sneers. 

"Sure. Yeah, whatever you say," you drop your shoulders and brush by her. 

You go down the hall and grab your bag out of the room. You turn back and ignore Harley and Hazel as they stand just inside the door.

You step out, your stomach plunging, the sudden drop of your heart nearly folding your legs. Kissie is down with Colin as he whimpers and holds his hand. Bucky release Angelique and she whines. She stops a few inches from you. 

"Get the fuck out of here!" She snivels and bats her lashes against a wall of tears. 

You don't say a word. You're too embarrassed, too afraid. You don't have much of a choice. Your so-called friends wouldn't let you stay even if you could stand up to Bucky. What friends? Shouldn't they protect you like they did Angelique? 

Bucky grabs onto your wrist as you near and drags you down the steps. You stumble but keep your feet moving. You don't look back. You can hear Angelique hurling insults under her breath as everyone else comforts her. Your eyes sting. They really don't care about you. 

"Come on, doll," Bucky lead you into the dark, not hesitating as the gloom surrounds you. "They ain't no good for you." 

You let him. You give in to your own bad decisions. How stupid! 

It’s jarring how only last week, you were so excited, thrilled about this man. You were intoxicated by him and now you are terrified. That liberation has turned into entrapment. 

He stops you as you trip over an unseen root. He pauses then a light blooms ahead of you. He uses his phone to light the way. His bike is just ahead, like a beast against the evening hue. 

He takes your bag and shoves it into the saddle bag. Your phone drops as he does and he quickly swipes it from the ground. He puts it in his pocket. He grabs a helmet and puts it on your head. You wince as he secures the strap. 

“Bucky,” you croak. “Bucky, please...” 

“It’s late.” 

“Yes, and dark. It’s not safe--” 

“Don’t tell me what’s safe,” he snaps. “Not after today.” 

He puts his own helmet on then grabs the jacket draped over the seat. He puts his leather coat on you. The summer night has a sliver of a chill on it. He zips it to your chin then taps the rear seat. The one he installed only days after you met. 

He straddles the bike and extends his arm out. He helps you on behind him and you squeeze his shoulders to steady yourself. He exhales and leans back into you. 

“You know, doll, I missed you. I didn’t come to punish you,” he sits up and straightens the bike. “I came to save you.”  

He twists the ignition and the bike roars to life. It rumbles beneath you and you wrap your arms around his middle. You rest your head against his back as he twists the throttle. As the bike tears forward and he steers along the narrow path, your tears spring forth. A tunnel of wind encases you, adding to that sense of suffocation. 

He told you who he is. He told you what he is. Why didn’t you listen to him? 

[so-i-did-this-thing]

I hope this isn't invasive or weird, but do you have any advice or anything for someone who tried to transition but it sort've...didn't work? I don't have a name to put to it, but apparently I have something with my body where it just doesn't absorb things the way it's supposed to. I was put on the highest dose of testosterone they could safely give me, and other than making my voice just *slightly* deeper - not enough to pass - and making me fuzzy, it did nothing. I was basically told that was about as good as it was going to get and I'd never actually be passing. I've been trying to detransition but that isn't really working well either, mostly due to the inaccessibility of the doctors my insurance actually cover to someone who can't pay three hundred dollars a visit just for gas to get there because of how far they are. I tried doing the nonbinary thing but that's just...not me. I can't be an inbetween. I want to just be one thing or the other, and it's incredibly frustrating to not be able to just...do that. Especially when I know the ability and resources are THERE, they're just not accessible to *me*. Seeing people who have done it successfully and are living their best lives both makes me feel hopeful, but also makes me just feel more jealous and frustrated because I can't be that. I don't know if you might have any advice for someone who is in a situation like I am, but if you did, I'd be thankful for it.

Your frustration is very real and it sounds like there's a lot of internal and external obstacles you face. I wouldn't recommend going it alone - a therapist or community group can help you figure out a path forward. Assuming you want to try remaining living as a man: I'd encourage you to seek out other folks who cannot medically transition, or who are on HRT and stay on it, despite not passing. Also look at trans-friendly detransitioner communities. You may also want to research testosterone in different forms (if you have not already) - I'm not sure what you started with -- gel, injection, etc.

I am not in your situation, but I do think a lot about how I'd try to comfort myself if I could no longer be on HRT and wished to remain living as a man. My own checklist is:

Get whatever surgeries I need to ward off dysphoria

Get serious about voice training (I know my voice would not change back, but it still gives me dysphoria)

Double down on wardrobe & style

Cultivate new gender envies in men who share a lot of my physical traits, especially the ones that give me dysphoria (I really need to do this more anyway, it's been good for me)

Remind myself that trans men have existed and still exist who never went on HRT

Surround myself with people who still affirm me

I'd also like to very gently ask you to think about how important passing is to your identity and where you set your original passing goals. I've learned a lot about loving my transness and the marks its left on my body from trans woman and nonbinary communities, even though I have a strong male identity as pass for cis (with my clothes on). It's worth spending more time outside of trans masc groups.

I encourage folks in your shoes who have their own thoughts to add on to this post. Please take care, you and everyone in this situation. <3

[poppadom0912]

Is it too late?

Warnings: Mentions of periods, hospitals, surgery, pain and illness

Summary: When your older brother is a fancy surgeon, being sick is the last thing you want.  

Requested by @1chicago5021

A/N: I'm still alive people. I had a sudden burst of inspiration and thought I'd finally get all these requests done before the next round of exams. I am in a lesson right now so I can’t do the usual aesthetic collage I always do. This was sent quite a while ago but I actually had so much fun writing this so thank you! I hope this lives up to your standards <3

*****

Two weeks ago now, your body randomly started not working the way you wanted it to, but you put all the blame on your period whose cramps hadn't been very forthcoming.

The painkillers were a coming in at a constant stream, hot water bottles never having the chance to go room temperature.

Your never-ending migraines and 24/7 cramps were a constant, so you expected to feel relief once you were back to normal. But that never came because this week started and somehow, you felt even worse.

When you woke up this morning to your throat feeling weird, you knew something was wrong when you drank water and the feeling didn’t go away.  

Despite that, you went to school anyways, bidding your brother goodbye when he dropped you off, completely unaware of your wellbeing. But you couldn’t blame the guy, he was stressed enough over work as it is, you didn’t need to add to his already overflowing workload.  

You only felt worse as the day progressed. It was only spring, nearing summer, but your body temperature wouldn’t stop fluctuating. One minute you were shivering and asking to borrow your friend's hoodie but the next you were sweating like you had just finished a marathon and was trying to get rid of as many layers as possible.  

The cramps were immense. The worst you ever had and to consider you just got off your period, you weren’t a stranger to post period cramps, but this was on another level. You hadn’t been in this much pain ever even while on your reds. None of the pain killers your friends kindly provided for you alleviated the pain. Death would feel ever so sweet right about now.  

You knew you were seriously sick when you were on the verge of collapsing at lunch. Your friends all shouted in alarm when you faltered on your feet in the cafeteria. You ignored their efforts and attempts to get you to the nurse's office. There wasn’t long left of the school day, there wasn’t any point in leaving with barely two hours left.  

As soon as you got home, you fell face first into bed. As soon as your head hit the pillow and you pulled the covers over your body with however much strength remained in your arms that got heavier as the day went on.  

You were in a deep sleep, so deep in fact that your dreams were non-existent. You weren’t too sure what time it was, but you felt someone shaking you, going from gentle to a hand tightly holding your shoulder, a muffled voice inaudible as you came in and out of your slumber.  

Their gestures were painful, but you didn’t have it in you to tell the intruder as you struggled to even muster a groan. Your eyes fluttered, face digging even deeper into the pillow as if to suffocate yourself. That was all the indication the person needed to shake you harder, adamant to wake you up.  

With a blocked nose, breathing out through your mouth proved itself to be a much more difficult task than it should’ve been. And stuffing your face into your pillow might not have been the best idea taking that into consideration.

Their voice sounded way too far away, as though they weren’t in the room with you. One second they were roughly holding you, the next, all pressure ceased but the pain didn’t.

Before you could even register what they were doing now, your eyes heavy with sleep dropped once more as you were enveloped into darkness again.

*****

Over the past two weeks, Connor had noticed your depleting energy but when the mood swings came along with your hot water bottles, he didn’t think any much more of the matter.

But then you showed no signs of improvements and at first, he could hardly notice. You hid it quite well at first but as the week progressed, it was apparent to him you were getting sick, and you were too stubborn to admit that to your surgeon brother.

Nonetheless, things didn’t look too bad that staying home was necessary. You were managing quite well, going to school the entire week without complaints, so he found no reason to intervene into something he knew would end up in an argument that would result in you holding a grudge and not talking to him for a few days.

He dropped you off and drove to work expecting nothing. You smiled at him when you left the car, and nothing seemed physically wrong when you picked up the pace to meet your friends.

His twelve-hour shift seemed to never end. When he had a moment to himself, he messaged you as he waited for his coffee, staring at his message that sat alone with no replies for hours. School has finished, you were sure to be home now, so why weren’t you answering?

He didn’t think much of it till he was meant to go home at twelve. He was all ready standing at his locker but then Maggie called his name and he saw several ambulances piling up outside.

As amazing as he was, his attention couldn’t be in two places at once and unfortunately for you, car crashes had more significance in this situation. But as soon as this was all over, you’d be his number one priority once more.

It was all over six hours later when he came out of the second surgery he had to take lead in.

Stepping out of the surgery theatre, he thanked all his co-workers and was dashing away to collect his things, not wanting to be here any longer. Having time to finally check his phone again, his concern skyrocketed when you still hadn’t replied to his messages.

Waving off the few staff remaining in the emergency department, Connor wasted no time in driving off. His adrenaline had yet to die down from the rush of a packed-out emergency room and doing several successful surgeries. Adding to this was his building concern for you. Maybe you were just sleeping, and your phone was on charge. Maybe it was on silent, and you didn’t hear anything. Maybe it was stolen, and you couldn’t contact him-

Connor sighed as he parked the car. Wasting no time, his body still thrumming from the surgery high, he walked into the building and took the stairs instead, taking large strides as he skipped every two.

The house was drop dead silent when he opened the door which you hadn’t locked from the inside like you usually would. That and the completely pitch-black apartment was the first things that put him on edge.

He locked the door behind him, walking in further and inspecting the living room and kitchen that didn’t look lived in. Everything was in its same place as he left it in this morning. Closing the blinds in the living room, he walked towards your bedroom, your door slightly ajar which had never been the case since you started living with him. You always shouted at him whenever he left the door even a slither open, you always needed complete darkness to sleep. The tiniest bit of light always hindering your sleeping ability.

Pushing the door open, Connor poked his head inside first to survey the room. He finally let himself relax at the sight of you lying in bed, your figure completely drowning in your duvet. The weird lump in your sheets being the only reason he could identify you.

He felt himself relax, his body physically deflating now that he had eyes on you, knowing for sure that nothing was wrong.

For some reason, your curtains were still open which they never were since you were young, always complaining, once again, that you needed complete darkness to be able to sleep. Closing your curtains, he found your phone on your bedside desk, and it was littered with notifications from not only him but all of your friends too. All of them were asking in variations if you were okay, if you felt better, did you get home safe and how you were feeling.

They were all sent at three in the afternoon. It was now two in the morning.

Concerned at the topic of the messages, Connor came over to the side of the bed you were laying on and placed his hand on your forehead, his eyes widening immediately. He felt himself warming up just from how hot you were.

Sitting down on the space by your knees, Connor shook you gently, trying to rouse you from your apparent very deep sleep but the only movement you made was from what he was doing.

“Y/N? Hey, wake up. Can you get up for me really quick?”

The adrenaline that was just dying down was picking up again along with his heart rate, why weren’t you waking up?

He shook you once again but this time, he was more rough, his worry meaning he gripped your shoulder tightly and shook you with a force that he’d never use on you before as his baby sister.

This time he tried calling you name while he tried getting you up. Lifting the duvet off your body, not only were you shivering but you were sweating a very unusual amount.

Swallowing harshly, Connor tried one more time, calling your name and roughly shaking you. “Come one, I need to you wake up Y/N.”

“Y/N. Y/N get up.”

But you just wouldn’t budge.

Deciding that enough was enough, he scooped you into his arms and it must’ve been the sudden movement that caused you to let out a small whimper in what was clearly pain. It was small but it was the most he’d gotten from you since he got home and that was better than nothing.

Foregoing his jacket, Connor made sure to slip your cardigan over your torso, so you weren’t going to die from the cold outside. He quickly slipped into his own shoes and left the building not a moment later.

*****

No one had been expecting Connor to be back at work so soon, not even him. It was a few minutes to three and the ED was relatively calm taking into account the big accident not too long ago, but Connor was grateful.

Getting out the car, Connor looked into the ED and called for the first person he saw.

“April! Get me a gurney!”

Said nurse was caught completely off guard, jumping from where she stood at the nurse's desk with Will not too standing behind her. He too clearly was confused but Connor had no time to dwell on them.

Not checking if she was listening, Connor rounded the car and picked you back into his arms, your head resting on his bicep and your legs on the inside of his elbow. Slamming the door shut, Connor strode into the emergency department and luckily for him, April and Will were more than ready to help.

“All the gurneys are used up from before, but we’ve got a free bed.” April said, leading the surgeon into an empty treatment room where Will was lowering the bedside rails.

“Talk to me Connor.” Will said, understanding there was no time for formalities when he saw it was you Connor was carrying.

“No clue what happened but she’s as hot as anything, she’s shivering and sweating at the same time and will not wake up for anything.” Connor started, gently laying you down and standing back to let Will and April do their jobs. He was itching to help but physically had to move further away from you so that he wouldn’t do anything stupid.

“Pretty sure she’s been sick and in pain for a while now, but she never said anything.” He continued, looking at all the numbers on the machines that were popping up as they were connected to your body. “When I asked last week, she just kept saying it was her period cramps.”

As April hooked you up onto an IV drip, Will started palpating your body in search for any particular place of pain. And when he came to a particular area in your lower abdomen and you cried out, the three of them looked at each other knowingly.

“Kieran should still be on shift.” Connor said, remembering the surgeon he left behind that was in charge and available.

Will nodded in confirmation, “Let’s move.”

*****

Waking up felt different to all the times before. Your levels of disorientation and haziness and confusion were on another level.

As soon as you opened your eyes, the first thing you noticed was the lack of pain. You couldn’t feel not even a pinch in your stomach, maybe it was weird to say but it felt liberating to not be in debilitating pain.

“Oh, thank goodness your awake.” Connor looked dead on his feet in the doorway of the room but the immense relief painting his face was like no other.

You made him feel and look like that- Shit, what happened, what did you do?

Before you could say anything, Connor beat you to it. “How are you feeling? In any pain?”

As he questioned you, a poured you a cup of water, holding it so all you had to do was drink and not need to exert energy that he knew from experience, you didn’t have.

Once again, before you could ask, he answered for you. “It was appendicitis. Your period cramps were in fact your appendix and last night it burst.”

“But it’s all good. We got you into surgery and your appendix is gone as should your pain.”

“Wow.” You said shakily, your voice so quiet from the lack of use.

“Please don’t do that next time.” Connor said, sitting on the empty seat by the bed, taking your hand into his. “Please tell me when you're in pain and when you feel sick. You matter to me; all your small or big problems are mine too. I don’t care how trivial they are.”

Silence followed as he set the glass aside. “You scared the shit out of me kiddo.”

And to say you felt guilty was an understatement.

“Claire’s pissed.” You both winced at the thought of your sister finding out. “She’s going to visit when she’s finished with work. I told her your healthy and out of surgery but she’s still pissed.”

“M’Sorry.” You apologised, voice hoarse and lips chapped. “I didn’t want-“

“Y/N.” Connors face made it look like he was in pain from your admission he cut off. “You’re never a bother to me okay? Me being a doctor is a good thing, use it to your advantage.”

You nodded, confirming to change next time if there was another time. Fingers crossed there isn’t.

“How hard was it to not do the surgery?” You smiled, squeezing his hand and poking his bicep. He was still in his scrubs from his shift last night.

Connor rolled his eyes and groaned. Such a sight made you laugh.

[xoxo-author]

My Salesman

Pairing: Salesman x reader

Warnings: my shitty writing, language, mentions of violence, probably so many errors

Side note: Does anyone know the salesman name in the show or do we really only know him as the salesman? Doesn’t bother me one bit either way 😉

Don’t be nasty! Please don’t copy my work!

Does the story make sense? No. Has it been living in my head since season 2 came out? Yes. Have I thought about the salesman at least 7 days a week since season 2 came out? Also yes.

Enjoy!

Credit to gif owner

I let out a long sigh, "Can you please watch where you're going?"

"Holy shit, I found you!"

My head snaps up, confusion written all over my face. Jin, who I haven't seen in almost two years and who was a family friend, stands in front of me with wide eyes. My confusion only grows deeper as he wraps his arms around me tightly, brings me to his chest, and lifts me off the ground causing me to tense. 

He sets me back on the ground before pushing me to arms length with his hands on my shoulders, "Do you know how long I've been looking for you?"

"Looking for me?"

"You've been missing for three years!" 

"Missing?"

He nods, "You fell off the face of the earth and no one has heard from you since. Do you know how worried we all were?"

I shake my head, trying to shrug off his hands, "I'm not missing Jin."

Jin looks at me as if I was crazy, "You're not missing? Do you think we're all going to believe that you went away on your own? No, your dad was right to report you missing."

My dad? What the hell did he do now? "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Three years ago you vanished without a trace, no one hears from you or knows where you are. Your dad comes into the station and reports you missing."

"You're telling me, my father reported me missing to the cops?"

Jin nods, letting his hands fall from my shoulders down to my forearms, "He was so distraught, he was talking about how you guys were in the train station when a man in a grey suit with a briefcase who was tall approached him and asked him to play a game for money and when your dad refused, the man took you instead."

It doesn't necessarily shock me that my father would lie to the police, he was nothing more than a crook but to know that he reported me missing when it was his fault that I've been gone for three years is mind-blowing. 

"We sent out search parties, hung fliers, posted reward money for your return or any information on you or the man in the grey suit, we sent bolos to other cities and nearby countries, we checked surveillance tapes and everything came back with nothing."

I tilt my head to the side, "What do you mean surveillance tapes came back with nothing?"

I know for a fact that there were so many cameras in the station that one of them was bound to have caught my dad just hand me over to the grey suit guy. Granted I went willingly but still.

"The cameras were down the day you went missing."

I shake my head, of course they were. While my father is a complete sleazeball, he's a smart sleazeball who would cover all his bases. 

"Your case went cold until about two and a half years ago. We had a guy come in claiming he was taken to this island where there were four hundred and fifty-five other people there who owed money to someone or something. These people could play a couple of games and win money but if you lost a game you would be killed so there could only be one winner and this man claimed to be the winner. We thought he was complete batshit until he mentioned that he was approached by a tall man who wore a grey suit that had a briefcase who asked him if he wanted to play a game."

My father came home roaring drunk one night talking about how he was approached by someone in the station asking if he wanted to play a game for money and how he wanted the entire briefcase but the man wouldn't give it up so my father offered him something for the money in the case. That something was me. My father traded his own daughter for money.

When I found out, I was livid but then I realized it would be my only way out and away from him. 

We went to the station that same night and the man in the suit still stood there, seemingly waiting for my father to return. I suppose I should've beenfrightened at the fact that my father sold me to a stranger but I felt the complete opposite. Maybe it was the fact that he was dressed as an everyday salesman. I was calm as I stood by the man's side and watched my father walk away with the money. 

There was a small part of me that expected the man to let me go but he did not. I've been with him the past three years and I can say they've been the best three years. Yeah, he was completely batshit crazy. I mean he sent people to games where they were more than likely not coming back and he may have killed people (not quite positive on that one but he did come home with blood on his clothes and face so using context clues) but I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. I don't see the entire crazy side, I mostly only see the "normal" side. 

That's probably the daddy issues talking but that's a problem for another day. 

Letting out a sigh, I manage to tug one of my arms free, "Jin, as you can see, I am completely fine. I am unharmed and not missing. You can tell people I am fine but please don't tell them where I am."

His eyes go even wider, "You're coming home with me. I just told you that your father has been worried sick about you for the past three years and yet you don't want to come home or let me tell him where you are?"

If only he knew the truth about my father, although that might not matter as Jin has always tried, for some reason, to get on my father's good side. I knew of his crush on me since forever so I am sure that is his driving factor for wanting to be on my father's good side. 

Jin looks down as I try to tug my other hand free, his grip only getting tighter, "What's on your finger? Did you marry your kidnapper?"

It was about a year and a half when we got married. I fell for the "normal" side. Again, thank you daddy issues. 

Jin begins to tug on my arm, "You're coming home and that's the end of it. You and I will get married, your father will be happy, and you'll be home. Everything will go back to normal."

As I use my free hand to tug at his iron-like fist around my forearm, I manage to look at the time on his watch. My head shoots up, eyes frantically glancing over the different faces in the park in search of a certain man who doesn't like when his things are touched. 

Giving my forearm another tug, Jin starts trying to pull me in the opposite direction of where I was headed. 

"Jin, you need to let go of me right now."

A throat clearing behind me made Jin stop in his tracks, his head turning back to look at me. Or rather who was behind me.

I knew who it was without even having to look. 

"Who's this?"

My body tilts to the side a little while my head turns up, "A friend from home."

Returning my attention to Jin, I tug my arm again, "Jin, let go and go back home."

Jin's eyes seemingly trace every inch of the infamous man in the grey suit (although he had on black pants and a white button-up today), "Is this your kidnapper?"

Jins grip on my forearm tightens causing me to suck in a breath and as soon as the words, "Jin you're hurting me" came out of my mouth, my view was obstructed by a stretched-out (rather stretched due to broad shoulders) white button-up. 

"I believe my wife has told you that you are hurting her so it's in your best interest if you let go."

Jin's grip falters for a moment before going back to gripping my forearm, "I'm taking her back to where she belongs."

The man in front of me chuckles and I knew it was game over. 

"I don't like it when people touch what belongs to me."

I couldn't see anything but I could hear and what I heard was a fist connecting to face, more specifically a fist breaking a bone. 

Jin immediately let go of my arm, letting me move out from behind my shield who had his head tilted and his signature smirk. I could tell from the look in his eyes that he was in crazy mode. 

My salesman looks down at me, eyes quickly giving me a once over only to narrow when he sees my now see-through sundress. His eyes snaps back to Jin, who looked like he was about to shit his pants, "Not only was it enough to hurt my wife but you wanted to see what I get to have every night? Did you purposefully make her spill the drinks on herself?"

I quickly place myself in front of him, one of my hands going to his chest while the other goes to the side of his neck. Over the past three years, I've learned that skin-to-skin contact seems to help pull him out of the I'm a killer phase. "Look at me... Look at me, please...I want to go home."

His gaze snaps to mine and I give him a little smile, "Take me home?"

I could feel him relax a little before he reached up and takes hold of my hand that was on his chest. He shoots Jin a look that would for sure kill him if looks could kill and turn on his heels, pulling me in the direction of our home. 

I don't bother turning around to look at Jin.

"What was his favorite game to play as a child?"

My salesman was already looking at me when I looked up at him. 

"If you don't tell me, I'll have to pick my favorite and we both know which one that’ll be”

🔫🔫

[drea-ms]

WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING by KUSUO SAIKI

٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و ♡ Inspired by Laufey's song "While you were sleeping", Kusuo Saiki falls in love with you at 3:30 am, he "hates" it ( spoiler; he does not )

warnings. pure fluff. ooc!saiki i think. corny and cheesy story i thought of at 12:47 am after thinking of the guy i like. mentions of yn. grammar mistakes. from saikis pov kinda. being in love. sweet fluff before all the angst (707 angst coming soon.) i just love saiki a lot :(.

The clock read 3:30 am, and the pink haired boy still couldn't sleep, so deep in his thoughts. But, what was he thinking about? Could it be a plan to become average and leave his friend group forever or the amount of noise there is in the middle of the night that the average person couldn't hear? or maybe it's the girl with [h/l] [h/c] hair. Probably the first one, or maybe it's the last one. It's definitely the last one.

He doesn't know how he began to think of you this late, one moment he was getting ready to sleep, the other, he was thinking of how pretty you would look if he wasn't a pyschic and without his powers. He hates how you left him in this position, while you were sleeping without a care in the world, Kusuo Saiki had just began to fall in love with you. He absolutely hates it (he doesn't. he's lying to himself again.)

He just hopes it's a one time thing, that your playing mind games with him (how is that possible??? he's a god damn psychic!!) and that when he does go to sleep, that it'll never happen again. Yeah, this is just a one time thing...

It's 9:76 am. Six hours after that predicament. And he was so wrong, since that night, he couldn't bring himself to sleep without the thought of you within him, each time he did try to sleep, you were in his dreams. One way or another,you started to appear in his daily thoughts more and more often. When he was getting ready for school, everything and everywhere he went and did, you were in his mind. Like a lost puppy you were following him around in his thoughts, he absolutely hates it. He hates how when he gets to school you're there and you're talking to your friends and spot him and wave at him with your dumb smile. He hates how after class you greet him and both of you hard to lunch, he hates how you know that he likes being alone and leave him to himself, knowing well enough that he doesn't mind being with you, even if it means he's sacrificing his own time just to be with you.

And he's back at square one, the clock ticking and the time is 3:30 am, thinking of you again, how candy can't compete with how sweet you are, that the way you smile might as well be on par with Teruhashi, how your kindness and friendliness can make someone's teeth fall out. Everything about you is on his mind, and while you're sleeping again, like a baby, he's falling more and more deeper in love with you.

Sweet and Kind YN LN stuck in Kusuo Saiki's head, and he's beginning to like it, he likes everything about you, he likes how you always get him coffee jelly, even though you don't like coffee. He likes how you try to get him away from his and yours friend group just for you and him enjoy the silence for a while, he loves loves loves the idea of being your boyfriend one day.

And maybe that idea might become true. He just hopes that when it does, the both of you will be in bed together awake at 3:30 am and in love.

VAL TALKS?!? back again :3 it's been a couple of weeks but i have school and i'm busy most of the time living life and going to school:) i wrote this because i was bored and start playing mystic messenger again and i thought of the guys i like :). i'm not sure i'm back for good, but i like writing and i have a 707 angst that's being brained stormed rn so i wanna focus on that and other stuff rather than just over work myself to point where writing isn't fun anymore to me:) it'll take some time for me to come back but i'll write and post every so often :) asks are open!! send me stuff of your favs!! especially mike from the fnaf i want to write him, so send requests!!

[radioisntdead]

Adore

Alastor x reader

Warnings:

This is short, not my best work I WILL REDEEM MYSELF. Alastor is implied to break in at the end.

Good evening folks!

APOLOGIES FOR THIS BEING DELAYED, I accidentally deleted the whole thing and then I just laid on Barnaby out of defeat and slept.

ANYWAYS HERE'S WEDNESDAY'S ANGST, or Wednesday's poor excuse for angst, the original was better.

I'll be posting another angst fic later today, hopefully, it's either gonna be with Lute or another Alastor one

Song

A-one, two, three, four

You completely and utterly adored Alastor, how could you not?

He was quite charming! Sure he was a cannibalistic murderer but that for some reason wasn't a deal breaker for you.

A side effect from being in hell probably or possibly because you were just as screwed up as he was just in a different format!

Everything you do, it sends me

You had met him while working at Rosie's emporium, Rosie had asked you to make some tea while she taught Alastor the newest slang she had gathered.

Higher than the moon with every twinkle in your eye

Turns out you both had so much in common!

Both of you had gained deer attributes after your fall to eternal damnation, had a strong distaste for the lustful cravings of the flesh, thought cannibalism was neat, Rosie was a dear friend, and held a fondness and strong preference for the years you were alive.

You strike a match that lights my heart on fire

Rosie being the matchmaker she was decided to nudge the two of you together, after all she saw how well you and Alastor matched together, and it worked! Of course it did.

When you're near, I hide my blushing face

You and Alastor fit together perfectly, like pillows and blankets, like shoes and laces.

And trip on my shoelaces

He'd take you dancing, hand gently placed on your waist when you would dance more classically, or you'd have arms and legs frailing around like a octopus when you'd give more energetic dances a try.

Grace just isn't my forté

The two of you enjoyed cooking together in the kitchen, Jambalaya, curries, biscuits and gravy, pasta, gumbo, baked breads and whatever else you could think of, you made together.

But it brings me to my knees when you say

You'd help Alastor out with his radio broadcast, by either proofreading his scripts or finding an unfortunate sinner to make an appearance with their screams.

Hello, how are you, my darling, today?

You didn't know where things went wrong, everything was going well!

I fall into a pile on the floor, deer love is hard to ignore

At least you thought so, the last day you spent with Alastor the two of you had made a lovely dinner together, you had set the table with fresh flowers, a candle or two.

When every little thing you do, I do adore

After dinner the two of you danced to some jazzy song from his era, and he twirled you around.

We're as different as can be

His hand holding yours.

I've noticed you're remarkably murdery and I'm slightly less murdery

His red eyes staring adoringly into yours.

We balance out each other nicely

You gave him a kiss on the cheek before you went to sleep that night.

You wear fancy shoes in the snow

You had awoken in the morning and Alastor wasn't there.

You assumed he had stepped out and he'd be back soon.

In mid-July, I still feel cold

But as the clock continued to tick and the red skies turned into a deeper red you were worried but you knew he could handle himself maybe he just got caught up in something? Perhaps with that TV guy he was 'friends' with?

We're opposites in every way

Hours turned into days and days into weeks,

No one had heard from nor had they seen Alastor.

You looked everywhere for him, asking around, desperately trying to find out where he went.

but I can't resist it when you say

Vox apparently tried to get him to join his little V themed posse and Alastor rejected him, rather harshly and also broke his little TV antenna while he was at it.

Hello, how are you, my darling, today?

Rosie hadn't heard from him either, and obviously you wouldn't be asking around if you knew where he was.

I fall into a pile on the floor

Weeks turned into months and before you knew it those months became years.

He was just gone, leaving only traces of his existence.

Puppy love is hard to ignore, when every little thing you do, I do adore

For the first few years you would frequently pop into his radio tower, hoping that maybe, just maybe he would be there for some reason, and when he undoubtedly wasn't, you cleaned the place up, keeping it in tip top shape.

Finding words, I mutter

Once it hit the five year mark you stopped popping in, allowing dust and whatever else to consume the radio tower untill further notice.

Tongue-tied, twisted

You stopped hoping that Alastor would just waltz on into your shared home, with that yellowed grin of his and static following.

Hoove in mouth, I start to stutter, Ha, ha, Heaven help me

You stopped looking for Alastor.

Hello, how are you, my darling, today?

Seven years, he was gone for seven years,

He was back and he didn't have the decency to even pay you a visit? You had to hear about his return from him publicly beefing with Vox.

I fall into a pile on the floor, Puppy love is hard to ignore

If Alastor wasn't going to come find you then you wouldn't go out of your way to find him either, even if that hazbin hotel where he was residing was only a 30 minute walk away.

When every little thing you do, I do adore

Alastor didn't intentionally ghost you, his absence was only supposed to be for a short while.

Unfortunately he was foolish enough to make a deal that had kept him away from you for seven long years, his dear friend Rosie had been kind enough to fill him in on your activities since his disappearance but not before scolding him harshly for not even having the decency to send a postcard.

Every little thing, ba-ba-ba-ba

He had been back for a time now, how rude of him to not pay his dearest a visit! After all you were looking for him until recent years right?

Every little thing, ba-ba-ba-ba

Alastor was someone you completely and utterly adored once.

And unfortunately he still adored you to some degree considering he was standing in front of you in the doorway of the house you had once shared, he was as smiley as ever, his grin grew larger as he saw your confused expression.

"Good evening my darl-" he was interrupted by you slamming the door in his face.

Every little thing you do, I do adore

It seems you weren't as excited to see him as he expected, oh well! Good thing for him that you didn't bother to change the locks.

Good evening folks my apologies, this is more comedic then angsty, hope you enjoyed though I will redeem myself.

[inkyycapp]

how i think characters would react

if you got (very) hurt: adventure time edition.

tw/cw : angst, fluff, blood, violence, gore?, terrible story building, implied romance, fionna and cake spoilers, a lot of cringe, self-indulgence, character hcs, etc...

[a/n: this is very sloppy and rush as i made this between classes so it's half edited half not and not at all proof read. forgive me. thank you for the love on my last posts!! i wasn't expecting my adventure time hcs to get the attention it did, thank you so much!! i have finished fionna and cake(twice) so, my hcs might slightly shift a bit. at the moment. thinking of cross posting on ao3. reader is usually always gender neutral in all my posts unless stated otherwise. that's all! i'm open to requests and my dms/pms are open. thank you! new additions as well!! this is all i have, i'm sorry. a few more are in the drafts. please tell me if i missed anything tag and cw/tw wise! thank you.]

[holy shit, fionna and cake's finn. honka honka. i don't deserve a platform.]

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

|| it all happened so fast. you could barely recall what happened. one moment you're up-right, after the next you're trying to pick yourself off the ground. your breathing grew more labored at every attempt, and the smell of iron hung heavy in the air. the warm liquid on your hands was a stark contrast to cold that began to wrack your body. it wasn't long 'til your vision faded to black, leaving only questions behind into your last fleeting thoughts. ||

finn.

(the favorite. my favorite.)

-the both of you were exploring an old cave. deep, dark, and damp. it was said to hold treasure far back into the cave, and out of curiosity you both went to explore. what you didn't know was that many people sought out that treasure. many dangerous people.

-going deeper into the cave, you and finn found the treasure, though nothing cool to take back except for a few cool rings. turning on your way out, with your back to the entrance, a sharp pain was felt through your body. looking down you saw the bloodied blade of a sword. you had no time to react as you were shoved off the blade and onto the ground. from there, it was a blur.

-finn would (violently) remove anyone involved. while brutal, he makes sure to end it quick--he doesn't have time for them when you're bleeding out on the ground.

-finn never stopped talking to you, even if you're asleep. it's always optimistic-- he talks about; new things he's found, friends he talked to recently, any new news, old and new stories, the next date he'll take you on, etc... he rambled hours on end in a one-sided conversation. it's how he copes.

-finn's trying to be uplifting. but, by himself he's a mess. he rarely stays at the treehouse because he's too restless. he feels weak, and unable to do anything. when finn's not at your side he's fighting through his feelings. finn had learned it wasn't healthy to use violence as his only outlet, but it makes him feel something that isn't the heavy stone in his chest when he sees you.

-he's a patient man, he knows you'll wake up soon. he just had to be patient. but after around a few days he doesn't want to be "patient" anymore. he wants you to wake up now. finn knows he can't make that happen, but it was a selfish want to keep himself going.

-when you did wake up, he was all over you. there wasn't a time when he wasn't with you, or at least in the same vicinity as you.

-good luck trying to pry yourself away from his arms. this man has fought monsters thrice his size for fun. even your prettiest please wasn't going to work, not this time. you almost died. you could've died and he couldn't do anything about it. those memories never left his brain basket, even when your recovery was going smoothly.

-very anxious about letting you tag along, but knows you'll probably go off on your own if he refuses to take you along. he feels it's safer to allow you to come along, rather than go off on your own. with him, he knows that at least this time he could do better. he won't ever have a repeat of last time.

-finn keeps you close during each adventure, even losing sleep watching the surroundings to be sure no one sneaks up on you. he will refuse to sleep, so you'd have to force him. please give this man all the reassurance, he really needs it. it won't stop his anxiety, or his fear of it happening again, but it puts him at ease. even if it's just a little bit, it helps, nonetheless.

-

fern.

-the green knight has plenty of enemies. of course, fern could protect himself, and you could do the same. however, even if you could protect yourself, there wasn't any chance to protect yourself getting jumped, and a dirty stab to the back. the most dishonorable way to lose to a foe. the amount of ever growing disrespect.

-he loses his shit. sure, he gets mad quickly, but if you were awake to see him like this: holy shit. he grows plentiful thorns, and poison flowers all over himself subconsciously. (he's actually very pretty like this.)

-he's livid, and you're not conscious to do anything about it. and that's just it, you're unconscious, bleeding out on the ground. fern couldn't quite process it just yet. normally you'd stop him from going too far, but you can't right now. that's supposed to never happen. he's confused and angry, and you're not waking up. you're not moving. so, he cuts down anyone involved in a quick motion. he doesn't care how brutal, as long as it's quick. fern wastes no time in picking you up (after managing the thorns and flowers) and taking you to doctor princess.

-fern can't stand seeing you like this. laying weakly on that hospital bed.

-if you think finn's not good at coping, fern is much worse. he doesn't even cope. he's just...there.

-he's so confused, and just shuts down a bit. like he's still there, he's still the green knight-- fern. but, he's just distant. not quite himself-- off.

-fern is unable to wrap his head around what happened to you, but he goes about his 'normal' life. he tries to just go about his casual life without you there, and he's just confused. it doesn't take long before he grows upset, allowing the rage to boil.

-'they used to do that.' 'this was their favorite color.' 'they were supposed to fix that.' 'they like bird houses.' everything reminds him of you. it's impossible to go a single day without a reminder that you're still unconscious.

-i think it gets more apparent when he's out and about as the green knight. he's more violent. but, he doesn't mean to be. it just...happens.

-he's likely not there when you first wake, but when he gets there fern's complaining about everything under his breath. but when he sees you up, that bed isn't just for you anymore.

-he's holding you close, with a firm hold and refusing to let go. he's scolding you for not waking up sooner, and complaining about how life without you was too different. he tried to be casual, but he missed you a bit too much.

-there is also no prying fern off of you-- a common thing between all of them. once you're up, there is no separating you both for a few hours at the least.

-fern is also hesitant about letting you rejoin him on the adventures, but as long as you stay close, and keep weapon on you at all times, he'll agree. but, all of your wounds-- every. single. one.-- had to be medically evaluated as ok, and no threat to your health before anything.

-

farmworld!finn.

(post crown -- pre fionna and cake.)

-he's in shock, not moving for a few moments. he knew why he'd be hated, or hunted down, killed even, but why you? why did they have to drag you into this?

-someone in the many gangs around the parts found you somewhere in the clearing waiting for finn. you both had previously planned a picnic out in a nice clearing in the woods. he was running late. but, once he found you bleeding out and onto grass, he's thrown way off guard.

-finn is quickly trying to pick you off the grass, trying to get you out of there, and dragging you back to his cabin. finn manages to tend to each of your wounds. though, the moment he's done, and you're in a stable condition-- he's leaving the cabin for a few hours.

-he finds whoever did this to you, and doing what he couldn't earlier. finn is driving in the same injuries they gave to you over and over again. he doesn't let up until he's in tears. finn knows that this changes nothing. he knows this won't make him feel better, but he needed to do something. anything. even if it's for his own sadistic pleasure to see the regret on their faces-- to see them like this. pathetically clawing at the dirt in an attempt to ground themselves through the pain-- trying to crawl away from his bloodied hands.

-(robot hand included.)

-finn leaves them with their lives(barely), and a warning before disappearing into the woods.

-he is struggling to cope. finn hold your hand in his abnormally cold one running his thumb over your knuckles. he's constantly checking in on you, and rarely leaving your side. sleeping, and eating could wait. after all that's happened with the crown, you're all he has left. he can't lose you too.

-he stays by your side as much as he can. finn knows he should probably take his mind off of...your condition and stay productive but it's difficult. the only reason the cabin is warm is because if it got too cold you'd start to shake. he makes food only because if you wake up you might be hungry.

-he doesn't know what to do for the most part, just waiting and hoping that you'll be better in no time. a fear lingers deep inside him that you'll worsen the moment he closes his eyes. so, finn stays up. there are times when he has passed out around the house, and when he wakes up he's absolutely terrified; running to check on you, checking to make sure your wounds haven't reopened, making sure you're alive.

-a deep seeded fear the you'll wilt away in his arms. it keeps him up at night-- it eats at him day by day.

-you're finally awake, but even then the fear doesn't fade. he's at you're every call so much that it begins to worry you.

-you'll have to force him, and i mean force him to sleep. you're ok, he's ok-- everything is ok. he can finally rest.

-he's just happy you're still there with him.

-

prismo.

-you? hurt? nope. not on his time watch. prismo has you out of the situation in seconds, without a scratch. he refuses to ever see you in any pain.

-though, hypothetically, if there's ever a time where you do get hurt, and your wounds cannot be fixed with his wish master magic, and he's "too late", he's not so well.

-you're on a comfy little bed in the wishing room, laying on top of him. your wounds are bandaged up, and cleaned, with your breathing finally stable.

-he never leaves you side once. (sensing a pattern in everyone.) it's either him, or a copy of him. when he's granting wishes to whoever manages to make it to his wishing room, he keeps you in the cube with a copy of himself to watch over you.

-tries to make small talk with your unconscious self...it doesn't go well. the owl visits more often only to lay it's eyes upon the slum prismo is in.

-the cosmic owl tries to ease the depression, though fails miserably. if jake is still alive; his visits, brings gifts, barber sessions, the whole mile for his other best bud. it does kinda help, even if it was just a bit-- but, he's greatful nonetheless.

-while he could be doing better, prismo is doing the best out of everyone to be honest(if jake is around). jake's visits have been more than helpful to this guy, and honestly without jake, he'd be worse than just a mess.

-when you wake up he doesn't believe it at first but he's ecstatic. there is never a time where he's not with you, talking your ear off on how horrible it was without you. and while prismo wants to contuine talking you to your grave, he can't deny hearing your voice after so long does wonders to him.

-bonus if jake's around and prismo's like "and i like...really miss her. y'know? like she's right there but she's not..." "no, dude, i get it..." "i'd kill just to hear her voice just once..." "...prismo..." "ah, shit now i'm hallucinating!!" "no prismo, behind you." "jake, don't play into my delusions!" "god dammit prismo." "YOU'RE AWAKE!? FINALLY."

scarab.

-this man is already insane. he already needs therapy. the anger issues on this psychotic man are insane.

-he loses all sense of morality(that he had left) but surprisingly holds off and tends to you first. by sending you back to headquarters for someone to tend to your injuries while scarab spends the next few hours tearing their molecules apart.

-honestly the worst out everyone. like, if he has a chance to off someone, they're going to die but in the most unconventional, painful, most gruesome way possible. he's....coping?

-at this point it's hard to tell with him, one moment he's rambling under his breath about annoyances, the next....he's offically lost it!!

-sadly he can't be at you're side at all times even if he really wants to, but with his job and all that. when given any chance he's right there next to you. he excuses this behavior as protecting you against anyone who might try anything, but in reality: it's just hard to stay away when you're like this. he wants to stay close even if he can't sometimes.

-scarab has difficulties with intimacy, so he finds it difficult to express his concern the "right" way. others see him as uneffected, and taking it too easy, but he is genuinely scared. he's scared that he loses the one person who can see him for what he is. an emotionally fucked up person who can't stand rule breakers.(joking).

-he finds holding your hand a way to ease the tension.

-when you wake up, he just sitting there, holding your hand.

-he's never letting you go anywhere without a weapon three times your size. of course he teaches you how to use it, but just because he wants you to protect yourself when he cannot. scarab views your injuries as him failing as a partner in more ways than one. he should've made sure you could protect yourself even when he couldn't.

-later on after your wounds have healed you're allowed with him on his missions. he denies being scared. reassure him anyways, he really needs it.

e/n: sorry prismo's and scarab's are short! first time writing them :')

[s-wave-entertainment]

Hey so. Remember that J post I was talking about? Yeah I ended up yapping to a friend about her and so. Please enjoy the yap fest. Quick tw, as there is a mention of self-offing.

J.

I have a lot of thoughts about J. I don't think she's a /villain,/ and quite frankly I only see her as an antagonist in the sense of the word. She was incredibly misguided, and somewhere along the road she just. She just kind of lost hope, I think. And that makes me very sad. But, from the top:

We know J was one of Tessa's drones, meaning she had already died once before Tessa found her. And from what we know about the general consensus on how humans treat drones, it's likely she died due to some very small mistake. So here's what I think - the whole "thinking in corporate" terms thing /may/ have been a bit programmed, but I think it's a little deeper than that - i.e., I think I smell Copium. Everybody above J ever has only ever hurt her, with exception to Tessa - which she acknowledged as rare - which is why in episode 5 as when Tessa asked J for help, J's response was "Sorry /boss,/ /corporate's/ spoken." She sees Tessa's parents as above Tessa, and knows/fears that even if she did that one good thing for Tessa, whom she loves, she knew the consequences dealt out by Tessa's parents would be much worse, leading to them hurting her - or worse, Tessa.

When she lost Tessa, she lost the only person above her who didn't hurt her and instead the new "highest power" was the Solver. On top of its typical manipulation, the Solver doesn't hesitate to threaten - or punish, if it comes to that. And due to J's ingrained fear of being hurt by people in higher power than her, she simply began to listen to its orders with little resistance to keep herself (and maybe N and V) safe. But she didn't necessarily like it, and she still wanted /out./ So she kept trying to get away. One way or another, she tried to just get /away/ from it - I theorize she went as far as to kill herself a few times in attempts to wake up free from its influence (once she learned she's capable of regeneration, of course) due to the quote "You know there's no escape, even in death" - but no matter what she did, where she went, how far she tried to run away, it never worked; She'd just wake back up completely under its control, hearing its voice in her head as it continuously whispered their next few commands. She couldn't run. She couldn't hide. There was nowhere she could go... so to keep herself safe, she resigned.

She took its orders, gave them out to the others, and just did her job. For a little while, she hoped that maybe when the orders were fulfilled, they could be let go. But the more they hunted, the more bodies they collected, the more she came to realize... it would never work. They were trapped, puppets to its every whim. The safest thing she could do was stand by it. And when she woke up in the ship with the Solver right in front of her... there was no going back.

Basically, J is an antagonist resigned to her fate and carrying out the will of the villain somewhat unwillingly. She was tricked, but instead of choosing vengeance/the possibility of freedom, her fear kept her chained to the master that intended on keeping her under its hand. Like a chained dog, even if it's cruel, she would heed its commands. Maybe this time, it wouldn't hurt her. If she couldn't save anyone else... maybe she could at least save herself.

At least, that's my personal read on J. I've been spinning her around in my mind for a little while post finale and at this point... I just feel bad for her. I'm not sure I can say I forgive her for leaving her only remaining family behind - even doubling down when they wouldn't switch sides again and rejoin her alongside the Solver - but I can understand her, and I can empathize on why she wouldn't try to run from it. Not anymore. I see her, and I think I understand her. But... gosh, man; this show is fucking brutal to its characters. Liam, what have you done-

[the-badger-mole]

But FWIENDSHIP!!!! 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Okay, so you all know how I get when something gets stuck in my head, but yesterday I saw a post talking about how Katara and Zuko's potential romance messes with their friendship, and I don't understand how, but that's beside the point. This is an anti-Kataang post.

I will once again admit that I don't spend a ton of time in Kataang/anti-Zutara spaces (cause I'm respectful like that), but every so often, I see one of those takes pop up in my safe area (because respect isn't always a two way street, unfortunately). It's interesting to see how many times this take seems to crop up. Katara and Zuko falling in love would ruin their friendship, yet those same people fail to acknowledge that Bryke went ahead and ruined their friendship anyway out of jealousy. These same people also tend to hold Kataang as a prime example of Friends to Lovers, the only problem is, Aang isn't Katara's friend at any point.

Throughout the series, it's made very clear that Aang likes Katara, but for most of the series (until literally the last few seconds, in fact) it's also clear that Katara only sees him as a friend. This should have been an object lesson that sometimes crushes don't work out, but friendship can be stronger than temporarily disappointed feelings. However, that's not what we get. Aang doesn't care about Katara's friendship. He doesn't want Katara in his life unless it's in a romantic capacity. We see it in how he reacts when he feels romantically rejected (lava fissure, EIP). The narrative doesn't give Katara any space to say no to Aang without it permanently damaging their relationship, because they never had the relationship Katara thought they did. Katara thought she was Aang's friend, but for Aang, their 'friendship' was just a precursor to romance. In this, the year 2023, I know we all understand why this is a problem.

Aang can't even conceive of a world where Katara does turn him down. He dreams about her enthusiastic response to his declaration of love; he assumes that since they kissed he kissed her and staked his claim, they should be together, despite there never being any sort of conversation, and the fact that the one time he did try to talk about it, she changed the subject very quickly. Katara's feelings are an afterthought for Aang, which is terrible for any relationship, but particularly in a romantic one. There is never a moment where Aang puts Katara's emotional needs ahead of his own. He never puts a value on her platonic friendship. There's never a moment where he decides that despite his feelings for her, having Katara in his life as a friend is better than not having her at all. That moment should have happened regardless of whether they ended up together or not, because friendship is the most important component of the Friends to Lovers trope.

By comparison, the friendship Katara eventually forms with Zuko is much deeper, and based on a mutual respect, understanding and emotional support for each other. This is a fantastic foundation for a romance, although bafflingly, people who laud Katara and Zuko's deep friendship don't seem to agree. Them potentially falling in love doesn't cheapen their friendship because they actually were friends first. On top of that, their Enemies to Friends journey ending romantically would not only not cheapen their friendship, it would tie into the themes of the show beautifully (the illusion of separation; love being stronger than hate; learning to respect other people's differences etc).

Let's be real, what Kataang actually represents is The Hero Gets the Girl, and I think deep down we all know that, even the ones calling it Friends to Lovers. In the Hero Gets the Girl trope, the Girl in question doesn't really matter. She's less of a romantic partner and more a prize for the Hero saving the day. Her emotional journey to falling for the Hero mostly plays out off screen, even though she may not have even liked the Hero like that initially, and the hero doesn't ever show that he respects her as a person. For the most part it works (arguably) because the Girl isn't a character in her own right, she's just part of the Hero's story. The reason it doesn't work with Kataang is that Katara is a character. She does have her own journey, and as passionate and outspoken as she is in pretty much every other aspect of her life, it doesn't make sense for her journey to falling for Aang takes place largely off screen. Not unless you understand how little Katara's feelings matter to their relationship. Had Katara actually rejected Aang, their friendship would have ended because Aang was never interested in her friendship.

It's interesting to me to see people who claim to value friendship over romance spend more time complaining about a romance that isn't canon over the actual canon ship that really does cheapen the friendship. But then again, I guess that was never the problem in the first place.

[personastrologyhub]

The Journey Between What Was and What’s Next

So a little transparency post.

Right now, I’m at a transitional point in my life, and I love learning more and more about astrology because I realised how practical and fundamental it is in helping me understand myself better. I’m currently trying to really investigate and learn all there is about how each house manifests, looking into deeper interpretations of what we can learn about each part of life through the houses.

Lately, I’ve been exploring the 1st House with a lot of focus on the Ascendant. We already know that the Ascendant represents the lens through which we experience the world, so I won't get into detail about what it means assuming that we all know but nevertheless, I was looking into text and work from Howard Sasportas and I really love his perspective of the Ascendent describing it as the "maze" we navigate, which also holds clues to finding our way out. Out to greatness, and out to our sun, where we shine.

For example, as a Scorpio Ascendant, which you probably guessed, the moment I mentioned (investigate). I know there’s an association with uncovering truth. I have always been about trying to find out how things work and digging deeper, uncovering doors that people would rather leave closed.

The lens through which I see the world can sometimes be of depth, sometimes secrecy, but most importantly, it's through transformation. For me, my path involves, investigating my own inner fears and shadows, bringing them to the surface and then truly transforming by letting go of habits that no longer serve me and coming face to face with my own devil.

Doing so requires me to go deeper, to surrender and let go of control and trusting that things will work out for me, and that sometimes, things need to be destroyed so that you can rebuild.

There's a connection there, between the Ascendant and how we experience new beginnings —not just literal birth but every new phase, chapter, or transition in life will bring about or evoke the Ascendent. In the book, "The Houses" he suggests that early life experiences, particularly around birth, set the tone for how we approach these moments. For example, Capricorn/Saturn Ascendants may feel cautious or hesitant, rooted in early struggles or responsibilities tied to Saturnian energy.

Scorpio Rising on the other hand, are often marked by physical, emotional, or situational crises—a dramatic or difficult entrance into the world, may approach things with suspicion, lack of trust and the need to control everything.

I thought this was fascinating, and went to investigate and uncovered that during my birth, there was a real tussle between life and death for both my mother and me. When the doctors were delivering me, I was breached so they had to do a Emergency C section then things were going wrong and my heartbeat was raised, the process was so frantic that they accidentally dislocated my shoulder as i was being pulled out. My first baby pictures shows me in the hospital wearing a little baby sling. It’s fascinating how astrology can provide insights like this.

So for me as Scorpio is ruled by Pluto (modern) and Mars (traditional), both associated with transformation, survival, and regeneration.

Approach to New Beginnings:

Transitions for me often involve endings first—a symbolic death before rebirth.

Every new era in my life resonates with my instinct to dig deep, transform, and emerge stronger, much like the mythical phoenix rising from the ashes.

Starting this blog for me was really hard. IT WAS quite literally a tussle between my old self, thinking "will people want to read this, I'm not good enough or more knowledgeable enough than the other astrologers bloggers here and my new self that wants to rise into this new version of me where I am doing what I love to do. I snuggled immensely with cautiousness and inability to just let go and trust that it will all work out.

The Role of Intensity and Regeneration:

Scorpio Rising thrives in situations that push them to evolve. They may unconsciously attract or create circumstances that force them to confront their limits and grow.

Each new phase in life echoes the qualities of the Ascendant and the issues tied to our first house. These echoes are like subconscious patterns imprinted at birth that reawaken during transitions.

Aries Ascendant

Maze Created: Life is seen as a battleground where action, courage, and decisiveness are necessary. They interpret life as a place that rewards boldness and initiative.

Birth Symbolism: Often associated with quick or eventful births, Aries Ascendants may have entered the world energetically, perhaps as fighters, literally or figuratively.

Transitions: They approach new beginnings with enthusiasm but can rush headlong into situations without full consideration, often learning through trial and error.

Way Out: They must learn patience and strategy, realizing that not every situation requires immediate action or confrontation.

Taurus Ascendant

Maze Created: Life is seen as a place to seek security, comfort, and stability. They create patterns focused on holding onto what they have.

Birth Symbolism: Taurus Ascendants may have had slower, steadier births or situations where grounding and perseverance were required.

Transitions: They approach new phases cautiously, preferring to ensure stability before taking risks. They may resist change, needing time to feel secure in new beginnings.

Way Out: They must embrace change and let go of attachment to material and emotional security, learning that true stability comes from within.

For someone with Scorpio Rising, the story of their birth—literal or metaphorical—might hold keys to understanding their life’s themes. How do you feel about transitions? Do they mirror the intensity or struggle associated with birth? Are new beginnings met with a sense of profound transformation, or is there resistance tied to fear of change?

Understanding these patterns can offer deep insight into how we meet life and find ways to break free from the "maze" we’ve constructed.

[thegamingcatmom]

Guess who? Spoiler: me, its me and I come with a question(s) bc it is 3am and my mind can't shut up (:

So I think this was mentioned previously in another ask or post but I don't remember if it went much into detail. My question is about mates and separation. It is said (dont remember if canon said something about it) that vampires have a hard time being away from their mates and I would like to go deeper into this, know your thoughts on the matter.

Like, how bad it is? How long can they stay away from their mate? Is it minutes, hours, days? Is it painful, like physically? What do they feel, like I think despair, anxiety? Are there vampires who have a better time than others?

And finally how each sister individually is regarding this 'separation' situation? How clingy are they, if they are that is? How do they handle it? Do they call a lot? Text? (They know what phones are right? Ancient creatures they are :p)

Thanks as always for the answers❤️ (this is so long and i probs forgot something but i cant think so im gonna try to sleep xD)

Hiii! <3

Totally relatable! 3am has, unfortunately, become the time my brain works on overdrive as well. Which means I usually have to quit when I feel like I'm making actual progress, because I do need to sleep at some point. 😭

Right so, I think vampires defo have a hard time being away from their mates. I don't think it's actual pain in the sense of being "physical," but I reckon it very much feels like that for them.

I also think that, just like us humans, they have different ways of dealing with that pain. Some seek the company of their other coven members, some prefer to be alone, some (try to) play it cool and don't let anything show, and so on.

With that said, how long they´re able to stay away also varies and depends on multiple factors, I´d say. It´s not just their own personality and their way of dealing with things that plays into it, but also the cause of the separation. I think the latter plays a rather big part, actually. Like, if it´s for a "good" cause then it might be a lot easier for them to endure, I imagine.

...Y´know, this kinda reminds me of Carmen and El and the things I have planned for them in The Sisters, because separation might actually become a recurring theme for them (we see a snippet of that in the upcoming chapter.) I haven´t quite decided yet how far I wanna take it, but your ask kinda makes me wanna explore how Carmen might cope with a possible long-term separation. 💔🥺

As for what they´re feeling when separated from their mate:

JOKES ASIDE THOUGH-

Truly mated/bonded vampires (thinking of James and Victoria here cause I have my doubts about those two) are like fitting puzzle pieces, shaped to align perfectly with the other. If one breaks away, you won´t have a complete picture. Other puzzle pieces might fit with some force, but it will always result in a crooked picture because it´s just not meant to be.

With that said:

I think it´s agony. Like a part of you is missing. A big part. Like, half your body, to be precise.

As for the sisters:

(yes, they do know what phones are, lmao)

(...valid question though)

Tanya would probably cope best. Or, well, she´d be the most convincing at pretending she´s alright. She´s a leader and, in my head, that´s like its "own" personality. If the situation calls for it, a switch is flipped in her head - topdog leader mode activated.

Ofc, the separation from her mate is more of a personal challenge and probably her biggest one yet. Also because it´s one she´s never had to face before meeting MC. But I still think she would handle it a lot better than her sisters...at least on the outside. Like I said, it´s like a switch being flipped, a "mental shield," if you will. She will put on a brave face, act like nothing´s out of the ordinary. She will do her damn best to function, because that´s what she always does in times of hardship. It´s what leaders do.

It might not be the healthiest way to cope with things, but it´s what she knows and feels comfortable with.

…Besides, you can bet your ass there´ll be at least 50 calls, 30 FaceTimes, and 250 messages per day.

A good leader always stays on top of things.

Kate is a lot softer than she lets on, so I think she´d actually struggle the most with being separated from her mate. She would probs try and avoid her family for the most part. As a former warrior, the last thing she wants is to be seen as "weak." Like with Tanya, it´s not the healthiest way to cope with it, but there´s still this thinking that feelings get you killed on the battlefield, y´know? There´s just some things and habits we can´t shake, no matter how hard we try. Kate being reluctant to show any kind of "weakness" in front of others is one such habit. She´s gotten a lot better at allowing and showing those feelings since meeting MC for sure, but when MC´s gone? I imagine she´d be quick to fall back into that spiral.

So yeah, you´ll probs find her in the woods, sparring with the trees or smt to get her mind off things, to distract herself from the immense distress she´s feeling over her mate being gone.

As for contacting her mate:

Hm...I´m actually torn on that one. On one hand, you have the battle-hardened warrior who refuses to show feelings. On the other hand, you have the moonstruck sap who turns into mush the moment her mate is involved in any shape or form.

With that said:

Kate would struggle with exactly that, lol. Like, it´s a constant inner battle between who she was and who she has become since meeting MC. So I can imagine her sitting somewhere, glaring at her phone, doing her best to keep herself from typing in those damn numbers or writing out that stupid message because warriors don´t show "weakness."

...She caves, eventually. And both she and MC are damn glad she did, that lovable dork.

Irina would cope better than Kate, but her struggles would still be more obvious because she doesn´t usually hide her feelings like Kate does. On the contrary, she pretty much wears her heart on her sleeve, which is also why she´s the only one (out of the sisters) who feels 100% comfortable with confiding in others about how she feels. She usually goes to Carmen when she seeks comfort or guidance, like pretty much everyone else in the coven, lol. So, when it comes to dealing with that pain, I´d say Irina defo has the healthiest way of doing it.

She also has the healthiest call/message count btw, lmao. She´s not as overbearing as Tanya (nobody is, lel), and also not as stone-faced as Kate. She gives a quick call or leaves a heartfelt message here and there, just checking in, y´know? Sometimes they´re short and sweet, other times they´re literal novels in which she proclaims her undying love over and over and over and over and over and-

...I mean, there are times where she just...she gets carried away a bit, which usually ends with her dropping everything to go and seek out her mate.

...Her mate, who went to the supermarket for a quick errand.

I mean, listen-

In the end, I think it all comes down to why the sisters have been separated from MC. They´ll probs cope a lot better if they know the separation is short-lived.

...Or maybe not, lol. *points to Irina*

.

.

.

Thanks a lot for your ask! Always stoked when those pop up in my inbox. 💋

#keepthethirstalive #keepthedenalisalive

[hermitw]

I've been thinking about this reblog of yours for months and I finally figured out how to respond to it.

I went and read No Longer Human by Junji Ito and it was a very upsetting thing to go through. I don't think I can read it again. However, I came out of it thinking that Gege was probably inspired by it.

When Yozo is first introduced, I noticed that Takaba's backstory was very similar. Feeling isolated from others, he decided to become a clown to gain acceptance from others. (Citations in Image Captions)

And later when Yozo was caught "cheating" (it's in quotes because those women are child rapists), I noticed that her face was really similar to the one Higuruma's client made when he felt betrayed by the trial outcome.

There's probably a lot more to say about how themes surrounding CSA and suicide in this work are echoed in JJK, but I'm not able to make the post myself. No Longer Human is too far out of my comfort zone in terms of graphic depiction to delve into it deeper.

But you seem strong enough to handle it, so... Idk maybe run with this some more.

Ohhh this is so interesting! I could definitely read No Longer Human again - tbh I read Junji Ito's version years ago. This year I listened to the audio book and bought a copy - but it's like, a draft in the author's handwriting (bc I thought it would help me study Japanese and if I had an English translation that I'd read it on repeat lmao). But you're real for that - I forget how disturbed people tend to be trying to read through it, I'm sorry that was rough.

I did go back to read the reblog and idk how relevant all that was - I've reread the manga since and felt like, oh I might have been misremembering some things like Uraume - idk if they actually had a freeze response in ch. 219, since they did tell Yorozu to back off though it took a minute - but it's also interesting how their CT deals with ice. Like to have a fight response, they freeze others? It's so interesting but I can't be sure whether it's there at all. (ik that yap II inspired some more coherent posts, like how it influenced Choso's self-image, etc., I linked but didn't tag you back then bc I felt Annoying especially w heavy topics but I can definitely go back and find them if you'd like.)

On a twin peaks note (without spoiling it), I feel like it inspired jjk to some extent - I've been feeling like the last chapter will end the way s2 did. Or at least - with the weird dreamy themes, "we are the dreamer who dreams and who lives inside the dream", etc...

But you're right - Yozo and the others' reactions resemble more jjk characters than I would think to connect. Takaba's jokes are truly a shield... And now I have an excuse to read Junji Ito's version again? Thank u so much (also isn't it funny how September 28 Uzumaki airs and September 30 jjk ends?).

I think gege gets inspired by the most tragic stories, I wonder how much of that is accurate but I can't always be convinced otherwise.... Especially when anime / manga series that he's confirmed as influences often deal with autonomy in ways that I couldn't handle (Evangelion, the night beyond the tricornered window).

By the way - ik we've mentioned elfen lied before, but in the first episode, you know that coffee mug? How it looks like jjk foreshadowing? Even has snail head Mahito - cut off-, the baseball, Panda, the worm (also cut off).... and later the newborn babies that look just like Yuuji...

I swear that elfen lied, Kagewani, and banana fish influenced jjk. It seems so obvious w those, maybe Vampire Princess Miyu as well.

Sorry for getting off topic - I've been looking into why Momotaro keeps coming up in jujutsu kaisen, and in the end it came back full circle to that damn coffee cup. Invest in a baseball team? A zoo? I'm going insane.

All this to say - rereading Junji Ito's version and seeing if I notice similarities between manga panels is so exciting. Gege even made a note that he asked for permission before drawing - I think it was the Uzumaki CT - So we know he's a big fan of Junji Ito. And it seems like there is a rly good chance No Longer Human inspired him as well (though I feel like characters with similar traumas having similar reactions is inevitable to some extent, if they're written in a believable way, it should be clearer when I'm reading both stories in the same format) based on the stories he has officially referenced.

[nikos-oneshots]

hello HELLO guess who's back and is into monster prom now.

could i have some headcanons for calculester with a friend who struggles in school?

:D - 🪐

Calculester & Reader who Struggles in School.

Warnings: No beta we die like everybody in the z'gord ending ✌️ Word Count: 0.6k Pronouns: None Notes: I COMPLETELY FORGOT THIS SAID HEADCANONS UNTIL I WENT BACK TO POST THIS!! D: I'M SORRY ANON!! If you want me to remake this, then I will! Note 2: ALSO IM SO GLAD YOUR INTO MONSTER PROM ANON!! I love monster prom so much so i'm always happy to do requests for it!! I hope you enjoy!

Calculester Hewlett-Packard does really well in school. He has the internet as his brain, everything known by man at his fingertips. I wouldn’t assume he talks about school much because he knows he has a huge advantage over everybody else and doesn’t want to upset people by telling them that he has straight A’s in most of his classes. This rule especially applies to you, Cal knows that you don’t do the best in school. Whether you are a person who tries super hard and still doesn’t make it that far or decides to skip class multiple times a week, I would imagine Calculester would be clueless about your struggles.

I would think that he would only notice after midterms.

Everybody is sharing their scores. Liam is subtly bragging about how he got the highest in the school, Polly is super excited to show everybody that she got a 69 and Scott is relieved that he just did good enough to stay on the football team. You on the other hand, aren’t really happy about your score, you did your best, or maybe you didn’t, point is, you got a 20. Cal comes up to you asking about your score, you were hesitant to show him, but after he showed you his score of 89, you showed him your score.

“Oh, dear Friend Y/N. Not to alarm you, but that has been the lowest score I have seen yet. I apologize for your test failure.”

You look down in shame, you thought at least somebody would have done worse.

“I notice your struggles now Friend Y/N. If you are open to the idea, I could teach you what I know, like tutoring. Your problem may be that the strategies the professors here use aren’t effective for you to learn from. What do you say?”

You decide to take him up on his offer and once you begin your first session at the library. Calculester proves himself to be a great teacher, he knows how to tailor the way he teaches to match your learning style. You get through worksheets faster and actually begin learning the material. Along with potentially turning your marks around, you also begin to connect with Calculester more than you have already before! As you get him to talk about himself during your breaks, you learn about the way he also tutors Scott and how much of a struggle it was. You learned that even though he is a sentient computer, he still has so much he still needs to learn about interacting with others. You also learn a couple new plant facts!

When your next big test came up for your science class a couple months later, you went into it with a newfound confidence, an attitude completely different from your usual one. Calculester wished you luck, he was confident you would do amazingly, but deeper down, he was nervous for you. He dreaded the possibility that you come back with a terrible score again, he was scared that you would lose faith in him as a teacher and along with that, your trust; He could have sworn he was about to malfunction with how worried he was for you.

As you received your scores a week later, you instantly go to find Cal to show him your score. You try to hide the smile on your face, but you can’t as you give him your paper marked with a large 79 at the top. Relief washed over him and pulled you into a hug. He was so glad he was able to help you, both of your hard work paid off and he was glad that you had managed to achieve your goal with his help, validating his ability as a tutor. As the bell rang, you guys walked to your next class together. As you guys passed his classroom, you shouted to him as he was going to walk in.

“See you after school for our study session!”

Lots of Love -Niko

[rudystopit]

iii. Let Her Captivate You│M.O'Hara

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Summary: Father O'Hara, tormented by hunger and guilt, escapes the abbey for a bar. There, he meets a woman who becomes his prey. Consumed by his monstrous cravings, he brutally attacks her while haunted by thoughts of you. As he disposes of her body, he wrestles with his monstrous nature and fractured faith.

Pairing: Priest!Vampire!Miguel O'Hara/Nun!reader

Warnings: Public sex, fingering, pinv sex, biting, murder, and ripping apart a body (very brief line about it).

a/n: its slightly gory. I'm pretty desensitize to gore but if that's not your thing then i dont judge for abandoning this fic.

word count: 2,496

masterlist

{cross posted on AO3}

𝔓𝔯𝔬𝔳𝔢𝔯𝔟𝔰 6:25 𝔇𝔬 𝔫𝔬𝔱 𝔩𝔲𝔰𝔱 𝔦𝔫 𝔶𝔬𝔲𝔯 𝔥𝔢𝔞𝔯𝔱 𝔞𝔣𝔱𝔢𝔯 𝔥𝔢𝔯 𝔟𝔢𝔞𝔲𝔱𝔶 𝔬𝔯 𝔩𝔢𝔱 𝔥𝔢𝔯 𝔠𝔞𝔭𝔱𝔦𝔳𝔞𝔱𝔢 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔴𝔦𝔱𝔥 𝔥𝔢𝔯 𝔢𝔶𝔢𝔰.

Father O'Hara woke up at his desk. The painting is still on the floor. The shattered glass reflected the moonlight into his office. He stared at the bright shards and tried to think about what happened. He traces the grooves on the desk from his nails. He hums at the memory of you bathing in the bathhouse. A pain shot threw his body. He clutches his stomach and looks out the window. The sun had been long gone and most people were either ending the night or just beginning their exploits. His stomach screamed and he looked at the clock. It was late enough he thought.

He stood from his desk and grabbed his coat. He figured the other fathers had either left or too into their work to hear him. He stretches and unlocks his office door. Wiping sleep from his eyes, he moves swiftly through the hallways. His shoes clicked against the tiles. He figured if someone was woken up by his shoes they either wouldn't care or try to confront him but notice he's not in a good mood and leave him alone. All he could think about was getting out of the abbey and getting some food.

Once he saw the front entrance of the abbey, he darted for the door. The early spring air envelops him as he walks to the other side of the street. He quickly checked behind his shoulder to make sure no one saw him leave or tried to follow. Sweat dripped down his neck as a shiver went down his spine.

The night was delightfully warm and the street lights added a soft glow to the streets. He made his way to the bar on the other side of town. He walked with haste down the sleeping streets. He didn't care who saw him. Most would think a priest was sent to do final rites at this hour. Not that he cared what they thought. He knew if someone did see him they would ask tomorrow and he would have to come up with some stupid lie about the town a few over needed him. The town was too small to get away with the 'last rites' lie.

He kept his head low. His chest fills with guilt about what he's about to do. He catches his reflection in a shop window. His figure makes him pause for a second to look at the slight in front of him. He studies his face. The dark circles and sunken cheeks. He scoffs and continues his travels to the edge of town. He kept his jacket close to him.

He thought about the last time he ate. I swore it was more than enough, he thought. He grits his teeth and his stomach screams once more. He closed his eyes and took in the air. The crisp early blossom smell invaded his senses. He thought about your scent this morning. You had a floral aroma. He dug deeper into his memory, he wanted to know what flowers were around in the bathhouse or if you had brought your soap in. His pace quickened as he searched his memory for any clue of your scent. He tried going through all the flowers in the bath house trying to remember what they smelt like but he came up empty.

He took a deep breath in frustration and stopped in his tracks. His eyes snapped to the right of him. It was a small house. One of the types that normally had a family of one or two kids. He looked to the side of the house. A tall bush swayed in the breeze. Lilac. He walked over and held a flower in his hand. He closed his eyes and carefully brought the flower to his nose. He inhales the familiar scent. As if to ruin the mood his stomach turned once again. He groans and turns back to the street.

Once he got closer to the bar, he quickly removed his collar and shoved it into his pocket. He figured the people out this late on a weeknight probably weren't the same people who frequented the abbey but having the collar would ruin his chances to get you out of his mind. He unbuttoned the top couple of buttons of his dress shirt. He walked with haste to the bar. He tried to keep some wits about him and not get lost in his hunger. His mouth filled with hot bile from his stomach. He tried to ignore the feeling and try to not break out in a sprint.

He rounded a corner and headed down the alley to the bar. Spray paint littered the old brick walls as he stepped over discarded posters. He hears people laughing in the bar. A few people were outside in the alley smoking. He gave them a nod. He placed his hand on the handle and took a deep breath.

He swung open the door with so much gusto that some of the patrons looked up in horror. He put his head down and walked to the bar in shame. The bartender looks at him and figures it's a strong drink kind of night. He pours him a glass of rye and slides it to Father O'Hara. He nods and drinks. He stares at his foggy reflection of the bottles on the shelves. He hates that he has to be here. He hates what he has to do.

He feels a person sit beside him. He shifts his eyes to look at the stranger. A young blonde. She calls over the bartender and orders two of "whatever he's having." She turns to him. "Hello, I'm." he doesn't care to know her name. She goes on about how she's traveling around Europe because she "came into'' a lot of money. He fakes his interest. He's hungry and she'll do fine. He places his hand on hers and she swoons for him. She goes on about how this trip is to remember what it feels like to be free again. Her hand sits on his thigh. As he maintains eye contact with her. He can smell her overly sweet perfume, it's making him feel sick. Not including how much his stomach hurts.

He knows he needs to feed. He just doesn't understand why it's so soon; normally it takes about a month before he becomes starving. He watches her lips move. He hasn't listened to a word she's said. He can only think about how hungry he is.

He orders more drinks and she downs them one after another. She starts talking about her douche ex-boyfriend who was supposed to come with her on this trip. He said something along the lines of 'Oh then how would we have met if he was here?' She giggles and he puts on a fake smile. He keeps drinking knowing it won't affect him anymore. He remembers the one time he and Parker got plastered at an old park. A part of him longs to get drunk. But that part of him is gone now. Just like the part that could taste food. He stares at the blonde. She hasn't stopped talking about her plans after the trip. She talks about how her family would have wanted her to be a mother and settle.

Imagines of you flash in his mind as she talks. He thinks about how sweet you are. How you are content with whatever people give you. Content with whatever God gives you.

The Lord works in his own ways. He smiles at your phrase. The blonde thinks it's about something she said. He's staring at her lips. She leans into him and plants a kiss on his cheek. She giggles and excuses herself. He turns back to the bartender and orders a few more drinks for himself. The bartender strikes up a conversation with him.

"She seems quite keen on you?"

"Yeah, I guess so," he says as he brings the glass to his lips.

"Might get lucky tonight then," the bartender chuckles, "But, the way you're drinking and how you haven't been paying that poor girl any mind, I think you've got someone else in mind," the bartender says his bold statement while cleaning a glass. Miguel just looks up, through his brows, and the bartender retreats to the other end. He finishes the rest in the glass and looks at the blonde coming back.

She puts her hand on his arm and sits down. He flashes a smile and she sips her drink. "I've been talking too much about myself. Tell me about yourself," she leans against his bicep and looks at him through her lashes.

He gives a fake name. Says he's from out of town and was out in the woods hunting. She swoons about the hunting part of his story. Says something about how she likes a big, strong, rugged man. He makes up stuff about his hunting trips. She asks about family and he tells her about some sob story about his dad dying in a hunting accident and his mom becoming insane with the loss of her love. Which is furthest from the truth, They both live happily in New York enjoying retirement. She asks where he's originally from since his accent is "abnormal." He lies and says from a few towns over.

Father O'Hara pretends to stare longingly into her eyes. He keeps drinks coming and acts as if she has been his soulmate. Touching her hands, her arm, slowly moved up to tuck a hair behind her ear. She leans into his hand. His hunger was raging.

"Come on," he simply says and they make their way back to the alley. Her hand in his, he pulls her to the wall and her lips try to meet his. He pulls away at the advance. He spins her around so she is up against the wall. He kisses her neck. He listens to her breathing. Her hands travel up to his hair. His hands explore her curves and begin to lift her skirt. She shifts, accidentally letting his hand slip up her thigh. Her mouth falls open at his cold hands. His fingers hook themselves around the waistband of her underwear. He dips his fingers down. A small moan comes from her lips. His stomach rumbles and he groans. He needs to hurry this up.

He removes his hand and pulls away from assaulting her neck. He flips her around and pulls up her skirt. He's completely uninterested in this. He removes himself from his pants. She turns her head.

"Wow, you're big," she sloppily said. He rolls his eyes and pulls down her underwear. He rubs his tip in between her folds. He slips into her entrance. His hand comes to the top of her back. He pushes her into the wall as he slowly slides in. She lets out a loud moan. He growls and begins his assault on her pussy. The alley filled with skin and lust. His hand holding her skirt up moves to her clit. He can almost hear her eyes rolling to the back of her head. He pounds harder, whispering in her ear to come.

He feels her tighten up and he smiles. He kisses her neck and whispers praises. She comes undone beneath him. His smile turns wicked as he opens his mouth to bite.

His fangs pierced her skin with ease. Her moans sounded more like screams but the head rush she must have... he slips out of her and begins to drain her. A flash of your face appears in his mind. He snarls and bites a chunk off of her neck. Her body falls limp to the dirty ground of the alley. He looks down. His stomach finally settled.

He picks up her body and starts to the woods on the other side of the bar. He tosses her against a tree and looks for 'his' old cabin. He had stumbled upon it a few months after arriving in town. He had asked around if there were any hunters in town and Parker said there was an older man that had recently passed and his family didn't live around here. You know it is frowned upon if a priest hunts. Parker's warning whispered through the wind. 

He walks up to the cabin and goes inside to wash off his hands. He grabs the shovel from its home next to the door. He walks back to the girl and drags her deeper into the woods. He thought about how you would react if you knew what he was. He wondered how scared you would be if you knew. A pain in his chest made him understand that he didn't want you to be scared of him. 

He started digging. The dirt flies behind him and the pile grows. He doesn't know why he's in such a rush. He knew no one would find him. No one goes in the woods. The townspeople fear the Beast. He smiled at the name. It was given to the bear attacks that happen in the fall and spring. The Police said it was just a bear attack but the news spun it to sound more fantastical. There's a Beast in the woods. A Bear reaching EIGHT feet! He remembers all the folks going into the abbey praying their family would be spared from its wrath. 

He continued the hole to depths of at least seven or eight feet down. He looked at his work then at the body. The body of the girl swifts in his mind to look like you. His brows narrow. He sat next to the hole. He stared at you. He thought about how your skin looked in this light. He tilted his head and wondered what your cheek felt like under his touch. He thought about how he would treat you better than how this girl's boyfriend treated her... hell, even how he treated this girl. He sat there just staring at this girl's body while dreaming about you. How you did everything with purpose and how graceful you were with even the smallest movement. How you gave everyone your full attention, even Him. God. Your God. the same God that he's supposed to worship. the same God that created a monster like him. The same God that placed rules for him and forbade him to even think in the ways he was. Anger bubbled in his chest and he lunged at the body. He begins ripping her apart. 

When all is done he looks around, covered in dirt and blood, he pushes the pieces of her into her grave and begins filling the hole. The somber air fills the wood with silence as he ponders why he decided to be the man he is.

[lover-of-mine]

Hi Anna 🥰

First, can you believe we got a HUG???? After what? 66 episodes?

Second, I REALLY want to know your thoughts on the expression Eddie made when he realized Tommy was gay. It's the same expression he wore when Shannon asked for a divorce, I think. The "I've been reading this entire thing wrong" face. But why do you think he was so stunned by the fact *Tommy* wasn't straight? I think he was realizing that the way he and Tommy interact differs So Much from the way he and Buck do, but I don't know (running on no sleep again this week, forgive me if none of this makes any sense 😅)

I feel like he wasn't as surprised to learn about Buck because he's doing that "first to understand thing" or at the very least had a hunch about it.

hi baby 🩷🩷 we got a hug, was is over 🙏 and we know Eddie is gonna be all over Buck next episode too, so like wins all around.

So, that expression, that did look like his "you're altering my world view" expression and we have a few options there. There's the funny one, the "was Tommy trying to woo me?" possibility, Tommy did fly him to Vegas for ringside seats, yk? And just having a minute about it lol. But the thing is the episode proved Eddie is deeper in denial than anticipated (rip Eddie fell first essay you will always be true in my heart), but like I said with the whole Eddie is last to see, first to understand, where Buck needs more time, Eddie needs a heavier hit, I don't think just the idea of Buck dating someone would trigger something, he needs to see something or Buck needs to do something, I don't know what rn, I just reblogged a post about the possibility of Buck saying he's in love with him before Eddie is ready to deal with it, and I can totally see that, you can have things ending abruptly with Tommy, Eddie wondering why, Buck being unable to lie to him about it and Eddie being slammed into the realization by something going ridiculously wrong (I will never stop pushing for my Buck drowning in the season finale, so you could do a situation where Buck confesses in some level like saying "Tommy thinks I'm in love with you", something goes wrong, Buck almost dies on him again and he's like oh fuck, and then you have that conflict transfer to season 8 while we wait for them get their shit together) because we all know that "it doesn't change a thing between us" is gonna come back around, same with the Maddie talk, but I also think they need to give the audience some indication that Eddie likes men and/or Buck before Buck can say that. But I just went on a tangent. Tommy. I think Tommy being as similar to Eddie as he was set up to be isn't just about Buck working out the kinks before Eddie, also I can't believe Lou actually said that completely unprompted, but I don't think it ever occurred to Eddie that someone like him could be into men too. Because Eddie spent his whole life doing the right thing in a very twisted way. He got his girlfriend pregnant, so he married her, he joined the army to provide for her and Chris, the show keeps implying he's looking for a mother to Chris, not an actual partner, with these "proper latina women". He loved Shannon, and he thinks he can recreate that. BUT he has a partner, who's not only helping him with life, he's also helping him with Chris, so he checks both boxes. But he's also a man. So he never had a reason to look at it. Until that partner started dating another man, who's extremely similar to him. The pieces for him to be like "oh, that's an option?" are literally all there. He literally said "you and Tommy have it right". Like literally. The seed is planted. The thought is there. At any moment, this man can look at Tommy being that sure of his sexuality and his masculinity and liking a lot of the things he does and also liking Buck, and being like "maybe men are an option" that would lead to an "is Buck an option?" that could give us some nice movement.

I think the question here is who the show wants to reach the "oh am I in love with him" conclusion first. They both have most of the pieces of the puzzle, Buck has more because he has the attraction to men piece, but I maintain that Eddie would be less freaked out about the liking men aspect of loving Buck then Buck would the other way around. It's kinda like we kept writing feeling realization fics where Eddie was totally fine with the idea of wanting to fuck Buck through the mattress but panicked at the idea that he wanted to hold his hand but Buck was the other way around. There's also the problem of what label they are going to give Eddie. Even if most likely it will be just indirectly. I feel like the episode actually even kinda gave us enough to argue that man as demiromantic, but I digress, they doubled down on him loving Shannon, so you kinda can't go the strictly gay route, and he's not stereotypically bi, but obviously who needs stereotypes and it would kinda be nice to see some bi4bi thing that's not stereotypical, and they can go the who cares, he loved Shannon, now he loves Buck route which I think would be the most plausible? Considering they are probably not gonna go there with the demisexuality of it all. And also depends on how attached they want Buck to be to his queer awakening. I think the realization that he's into men and in love with Buck are tied together, but that's a personal opinion, I think his brain would accept the attraction to men and instantly attach that to Buck. But they could very much give Eddie a man to explore things with too. Circling back to the look, I kinda think that was a "I didn't know a guy like Tommy could like men" that's just slightly to the left of the realization of "I didn't know a guy like me could like men" and that could come back to help him get there.