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wisteriabookss · 4 years ago

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My ACOSF Review (2/5 Stars)

Please respect my opinions. Not everything I say will be praiseful or nice. While I liked a lot of this book, a lot of it frustrated and bothered me.

This review contains spoilers. Read at your own risk.

This review will be more of an overall impression, and I will get more in depth about certain characters in future posts.

I eventually got into the plot of the book, but I don’t think it was as great or creative as it could’ve been. I feel like SJM recycled ideas she’s already used to create the storyline. A quest to find a magic object that can stop a war and save the world? That sentence applies to both ACOWAR and ACOSF. It’s even more disappointing when you know there were other routes the plot could’ve taken but were eventually scratched. It was the perfect set up for an Illyrian mountain setting, it was written in canon, and, unsurprisingly, SJM retconned and changed it.

The Valkyrie plot was cool, if a bit forced and out of place. Nesta barely starts training, and all of a sudden she wants to recreate a powerful band of female warriors that we’ve never heard of in the context of this world? Honestly, it feels like SJM watched Thor: Ragnarok, and was like, “Yes, that’s what I’m gonna do.” I thought Helions winged horses would come into play with that, but I guess we’ll have to see.

I thought the Blood Rite plot was gone, but we got it in the end, even though it was rushed. The most beautiful parts of the book happened during the Rite, so I’m glad we got to see those.

The ending of Briallyn was so swift I literally had to go back a page to make sure I read it right. Literally one page, and she’s killed. I expected more. I can’t say I'm surprised by how rushed her death was when I knew the Feysand trouble was approaching, and the number of pages left was getting smaller. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that SJM would save Rhys, Feyre, and their baby. Out of the entire ensemble in Kingdom of Ash, she only had the heart to kill Gavriel, who wasn’t too much of a main character. There was no way in hell she would do that to Feysand.

I’m sorry, but I do not like the name Nyx. Imagine calling someone Nyx? Did she originally have it as Nick, but just needed to put an X? My eyes were rolling so hard when I read it. Just put an ‘O’ in front of it and end our misery, though I still would’ve rolled my eyes at that name too. The name just reminds me of all the blogger moms who put X’s in their child’s names for dramatic effect that ends up looking like they can’t spell.

I also didn’t appreciate the out of touch colloquialisms in this book either. Prythian doesn’t have a name for anxiety, depression, or PTSD, but they know what lactic acid means?

The amount of sex in this book was something we had been warned to expect, and I think due to the fastness of me reading this book (finished in two sittings), it made it feel like the sex was happening every other page, which it basically was. I’m not going to be mad though because a) it was well written, b) I didn’t feel like it harmed the plot too much, and c) this is the only Nessian smut we’re going to see in canon. But that threesome line with Az. . . y'all know which one I’m talking about. . . the one with the details about certain positions. . . chile um anyways let’s move on.

I called it months ago that Emerie would either be Mor or Azriel’s love interest, and looks like it’s going to be Mor. SJM’s writing is fairly predictable, especially when it comes to romantic ships, and she couldn’t have been more obvious about the two of them. I will write about Gwyn and Azriel in Azriel’s chapter review (cause that monstrosity needs a post of its own).

Now about Nesta’s healing arc. Some of it was satisfying and others were saddening. I’m happy that Nesta was able to find purpose in her life, and not believe herself to be worthless or pathetic, but strong and powerful. I’m happy she found Gwynn and Emerie; I love their friendship. I love how they stuck by each other no matter what, and saw the good and potential in one another.

However, even by the end of the book, Nesta still thinks herself as undeserving. Of Cassian, of love. She knows she has it, and she's so grateful for it, but she still believes she is undeserving of it, that Cassian is just so much better than her. A part of learning to love and live with yourself is knowing what you deserve, so why SJM took that from her character, I don’t know. I was continuously disappointed when said she was undeserving of anything, even after she had learned and grown from her mistakes.

Maybe SJM thinks the belief of being undeserving of one's partner is romantic. I’m telling you now, it’s not. All that does is give unnecessary power to a person you believe you are undeserving of, and this leads to unequal power dynamics in a relationship. Rhys was the exact same with Feyre, so I’m guessing it's a theme.

Speaking of romantic themes, the repetition of the “your mine-im yours” line in this book was nauseating. Your going to make Nesta say the exact same thing her sister said when they had sex? Is there nothing else SJM could’ve come up with? It’s just so weird. And I swear to god if I see Elain do the same thing I’m gonna vomit.

Nesta apologized to Cassian about what she said to him on Solstice in ACOFAS as if he never called her unlovable. As if he never said he didn’t understand why her sisters love her. He never apologized for that. There was so much apologizing from Nesta to Cassian about her calling him a brute, as if Cassian didn’t say he was “shackled” to her after she clearly explained how she feared she would lose her humanity if she accepted the word mate. Not if she accepted him, but the word.

For Cassian to routinely tell Nesta to, “shut her fucking mouth,” when she used some attitude against Rhys was comical. Rhys has been bad mouthing and disrespecting Nesta this whole time, and when she shows some warranted attitude in return (not even an insult), Cassian rips into her. It doesn’t matter what he did for you, babe. Not everyone has the same experience with Rhys, so Cassian getting angry when Nesta showing anger at the way she was being treated was wrong. Her experience with him does not become invalidated just because Cassian has a good relationship with him.

There wasn’t a character arc for Cassian, which was one of the most disappointing parts of the book. He thinks of himself as inferior and undeserving as well, and by the end of the book it’s not even clear if that stance has changed. We saw him grow into the courtier persona in the meeting with Eris when Tamlin shows up, but we never see it again. I know there were instances in which he stood up for Nesta, but he also very quicky after that became silent in other moments when they were insulting her. The next book isn’t in his pov, but I’m hoping we see him become more confident in himself and make a firmer stance to protect Nesta (although I doubt he’ll need to seeing as how Rhys kisses the ground she walks on now).

Now onto Nesta’s apologies to the IC. I think Nesta apologizing to Feyre was expected, and I’m glad the sisters had that moment. I am, however, upset that there was never a moment where all the sisters sat down, and hashed it out. Talked about what they’d been through, how it affected them, and how it affected their feelings toward each other. After everything that happened between Nesta and Elain, all that hurt, you’re telling me all it took was Nesta to make Elain laugh by saying “fuck you,” and we’re good? It’s lazy writing.

Elain telling Nesta that she only cared about how her trauma affected her did not sit right with me. Nesta sat by Elain’s side for weeks when she was in the thick of her struggles, and refused to leave her alone for fear that her struggles would eat her up alive. She constantly looked for anything that could help her sister, and never left her unprotected. Nesta and Elain didn’t communicate after the war, for reasons that we now know was because of Nesta’s guilt for Elain being kidnapped. It is not abnormal when a family member has been traumatized by things that have happened to another family member. That’s expected. Ask any family who has lost a child or had a relative go through something horrible.

Elain is acting as if Nesta has only ever been concerned with herself when she’s spent her entire life concerned with Elain. I made a post long ago about how the IC only wanted Nesta to heal for their sake rather than her sake, and there’s so much more evidence for that than for Elain. Elain’s healing process was able to be understood and encouraged by the IC, whereas they had no idea what to do with Nesta. So for Elain to come at Nesta for not caring about her trauma, a second after Nesta was trying to protect her from further trauma by telling her she didn't want her seering for the Trove, was unwarranted.

Speaking about Elain looking for the Trove, what happened there? Elain had this whole speech where she said she wanted to do something and no one could stop her and then we just. . . don’t hear anything about it again? SJM had a perfect opportunity to do something powerful with Elain there, and completely threw it away.

Nesta’s apology to Amren was extreme, dramatic, and honestly, unnecessary. Amren called Nesta a “pathetic waste of life,” constantly demeaned and degraded her anytime her name was mentioned, and said she did all this because Nesta used her as a shield against her problems and the IC. Seriously? Nesta using Amren as a shield does not warrant that kind of verbal abuse. It doesn't make her a pathetic waste of life. Amren’s been alive for how long? And reacts like that to an obvious side effect of extreme trauma? No ma'am. Nesta getting on her damn knees was too much, and obviously just another moment, like a lot of moments, that SJM felt the need to make dramatic. And then having the audacity to let Amren say to Nesta that, “the struggle with the darkness is worth it,” when she was one of those people who contributed to that darkness is disgusting.

I didn’t like Rhys at all in this book. Even after he saw inside Nesta’s mind about her experience in the cauldron, he was still wary and rude with her. Literally anytime Nesta showed that she was changing, Rhys didn’t change anything about his attitude or behavior towards her. A moment of regret, and then he’s back to being arrogant ass Rhys. Him not telling Feyre about the baby was also extremely stupid. It’s her body, her life, her baby’s life, his life, and she had a right to know what was happening. Not telling her because you didn’t want her to be “upset,” is a dumb excuse. I thought you always promised to let her make her own decisions, Rhys? What happened to that promise? The one that was a hell of a lot better than the stupid bargain ya’ll made? Though Nesta told her out of anger, good on her for telling her sister. Should’ve happened way sooner. His apology to Nesta was the only one that warranted the dramatics. That is what you get on your knees for.

That whole scene about him becoming High King had me throwing the book. Amren telling Rhys that the swords were some sort of mother-mary-cauldron-blessed-hallelujah sign that he was supposed to be High King had me fuming. It’s Nesta’s power. It’s Nesta’s sword. That should have never been a discussion. Not everything is for Rhys. These people are so blinded by their love for him they can’t even see how arrogant he is. To write Nesta giving back Ataraxia made me so angry after we just had a whole moment where we find out it means inner peace. I just hope that all of this is not foreshadowing Rhys becoming High King. I know you love him Sarah, but please don’t.

All in all, this book wasn’t too bad. There were some great moments and some bad moments. I think SJM’s biggest issue in her writing is that she doesn’t outline, or at least doesn't seem to outline, not thoroughly. I feel like she uses plot devices willy nilly whenever it’s the easiest solution. There was never a moment where I said, “that was clever!” A lot of it was cool, but not clever. Not creative. She also has a tendency to write very dramatically, in staccato type sentences where everything is made into a big moment, which bugs me a lot.

I love Nesta. She’s still my fav, and will probably always be my fav. This book doesn’t change that, and as you can tell in my review, most of the issues I had weren’t with her behavior, but with the behavior of other characters. I still love Cassian, even though he made me want to rip my hair out sometimes.

Will I read the next books? Probably. I can’t seem to stay away from these characters or these books, so kudos to SJM for writing them. I know a majority of people have given this book 4 or 5 stars, but I can’t bring myself to give it more than 2/5.

#nesta #cassian #nessian #acosf #a court of silver flames #sjm #nesta archeron #nesta x cassian #cassian x nesta #feysand #feyre #feyre archeron #rhysand #elain #elain archeron #amren #sarah j maas #nesta stan #nestastan

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hanniiesuckle17 · 4 years ago

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Love > Shame

A/n: im hoping i got the request right! Hope you all enjoy! (this is not thoroughly edited srryyyyy) also like frick ^^this video his vlog is the most boyfriend thing ever

Word Count: 4.3k

Warnings: cussing, partial nudity

Requested by: @ann0325441904

Tag List: @distrikt9 @mini-meanhoe @poeticallyspaghetti @hanstagrams @desertofdessert @yangomangos @hoes4hoseok

Summary: Sometimes timing isn’t the best. With tensions high at work for Jisung and your time of the month really kicking you in the ass, a fight breaks out between you and your boyfriend leaving you completely alone in a country far away from your old family and friends. Misunderstood problems turn to jealous and catty fights. Is there any way the two of you can come back together?

Genre: romance, angst, fluff

◈

Pain shot through my abdomen. It was like someone was sticking eight thousand needles into my stomach repeatedly for the sole purpose of fucking with me. Fuck womanhood. The pain meds I took earlier were doing nothing to help. This was putting me in a terrible mood.

The sound of shower running floated from behind the closed door of the adjoining bathroom. My longtime boyfriend, Jisung, lay just beyond it. It was easily one o’clock in the morning, but I always waited up for Jisung to return home from practice. He had also come home in a rather sour mood.

Deciding that the leggings I was wearing were far too constricting to sleep in with cramps, I got up and waddled my way over to our big closet. Jisung and I both had enough clothes each to fill an entire apartment so when we were apartment hunting, a big closet was a must.

I threw the pants in the hamper and grabbed one of Jisung’s t-shirts from his side of the closet. The soft black fabric fell around my thighs. Why Jisung bought shirts four times than his actual size was still a mystery to me. The pressure on my stomach lessened but still remained.

The door opened to reveal a shirtless Jisung emerging from the bathroom. A pair of gray sweatpants hung low on his hips, the fabric making a swishing sound as he walked. It was clear he was still upset. Jisung roughly towel dried his hair, rubbing the cloth over his dark locks. “You still upset, babe?” I asked looking over at him. It took all my willpower not to snap out the words. He shook his head and looked over at me with a pointed glance. “You wanna talk about it?”

Again, Jisung shook his head. “Ji, it’s not healthy to keep this bottled up. I think you might feel better if you would talk about it.” An aggravated sigh left his lips and he laid back on the bed.

“Y/n. I’m fine. I don’t want to talk about it.”

It was hard to watch Jisung so upset. I walked over and laid next to him, trying to ignore the agonizing pain. My fingers traced random patterns against his stomach. The action usually calmed him down. However, he simply turned his head away from me tossing the towel somewhere else in the room. “Jisung, its not good to go to bed angry-”

“Babe, just leave me alone and stop being such a clingy bitch.”

I froze, hand hovering over his stomach. Silence hung heavy in the air. It seemed Jisung had no intention of taking back what he said. He didn’t even seem like he regretted it. “Excuse me?” I said sitting up in disbelief.

I felt like screaming. Crying. Throwing everything in this room at Jisung’s little pimple head until it popped. “What?” He said rolling his eyes. Wet black hair hung in front of his vision.

“Did you just....”

“Just get over it. I want to go to bed.”

“Get...over it?” I scoffed getting up from the bed.

“Yes. You’re overreacting. Just get over it.” I shook my head in disbelief. This was not the Jisung that I knew. This was not the Jisung I was in love with. The boy who ran in the rain with me just to capture the perfect kiss on our first date. The boy who sent me love notes every day for two months until I agreed to go out with him. The one who stayed with me when my aunt died and I was too heartbroken to leave the bedroom since I couldn’t fly home for the funeral. The one who never went to sleep until he told me how much he loved me whether I was awake to hear it or not.

“Look I get you’ve had a shitty day. But I’m not just someone you can push around Jisung. You know that.”

He sat up, clearly annoyed. “I’m not pushing you around!”

“You called me a bitch!”

“Well, you’re kind of acting like one!”

“Well, you’re kind of acting like an asshole.” Jisung rolled his eyes, pushing himself off the bed. Anger started to bubble up in my chest. “What the fuck, Ji?”

“Look- I don’t owe you anything okay! All I wanted to do was come home and get to sleep. I don’t want to deal with all your nagging.”

“Jisung I care about you. I love you! I’m just trying to help.”

Nothing seemed to make it better. Eventually, I stopped trying to be the good guy. I stopped trying to keep my voice quiet. If he was going to yell at me, then I would yell back. He couldn’t just walk all over me. My emotions broke loose along with the rest of hell.

“I WORK ALL DAY! ALL YOU DO IS SIT ON YOUR ASS AT HOME ON YOUR COMPUTER. I’M TRYING TO PROVIDE FOR THE TWO OF US Y/N!”

“SIT ON MY ASS? I’M TRYING TO GRADUATE JISUNG!”

“Listen I can’t deal with you anymore.” He said turning his back on me and looking out the window. The muscles in his back were tight and tense. “Just fuck off, Y/n.”

I couldn’t take it anymore. The pain in my stomach was just making me even angrier. “That’s it. Get out.” Jisung turned around in shock. He started stuttering and trying to form a coherent sentence. “You heard what I said. Out.” My finger pointed to the door furthering my stance on the situation.

“Y/n-”

“Get out, Jisung! Go sleep at the dorms.”

He started gathering his things, tugging on a random hoodie and slipping on some socks from the dresser. “This is is exactly what I was talking about.” He mumbled. Jisung stood up, clearly pissed off. He started towards the bedroom door but stopped and turned back until he was standing right in front of me. His wet hair was covered by a beanie, pushing it all in front of his eyes. “You know what, Y/n? Call me when you decide to stop being such a heartless bitch.”

My hand flew across his cheek before I could even think. What surprised me...what hurt me....was that I didn’t regret it. Jisung stood in front of me, shocked, his eyes looked hurt. His doe eyes which I loved so much always told me what he was thinking. But, as they stared back at me, I didn’t recognize them.

“I hate you...”

He sighed seeing a tear leak onto my cheek. His long fingers wrapped around my wrist, but I pulled away before he could get to close. His cheek was starting to turn red from when I hit him. “No...you don’t.” I looked away not wanting him to see me cry. Of course, he knew I was lying. There was nothing he didn’t know about me.

“I should....I should hate you...” He made no effort to reach out to me again. In all honesty, I didn’t know if I wanted him to right now. I wanted to push him away, but I also want him to hold me until everything was okay again. “Just go.”

After a moment, he nodded and I followed him to the front door. He picked up his keys and walked out into the hall, leaving me standing in the doorway. He turned back to me, like he was going to say something else, but stopped when he looked into my eyes.

“Don’t call me,” I said, the last tear falling down my cheek as I shut the door.

◈

Two weeks had passed. It looked like Jisung and I were on a break. Whether it was temporary or for good I didn’t know. My hand brushed over Jisung’s side of the bed. The sheets were cold. They were never cold. Sunlight streamed in through the large glass window in our bedroom. Well...it wasn’t really ‘ours’ anymore. I sat up waiting for arms to pull me back down under the covers. Arms that never reached out.

Mornings like these were usually spent in Jisung’s arms staring out at the skyline trying to convince him that he did indeed have to go to work. Lazy kisses, sleepy whispers even though no one else was in the room but us. There were no calls. No texts. Not even a fucking post on Instagram. Nothing.

All my friends were back home. I was alone in Seoul. No one but Jisung. There was a knock at the front door. Dragging myself out of the queen size bed, my feet trudged over the wood floor in the apartment. I looked through the peephole only to find a huge stuffed bear looking back at me.

“The fuck...” I mumbled. My fingers switched open the locks and opened the door. The teddy bear moved aside to reveal a face that made me burst into tears. “DANNY!” I screamed wrapping my arms around him.

Daniel had been my friend practically since birth. We grew up next door to each other. Our parents even bathed us together. Daniel hugged me tight spinning me around in the hallway. It felt so good to see him again.

I would not have made it through high school in my home country if Danny hadn’t been with me. I had missed him so much. As most old friends did, we had dated for about six months in senior year but decided we were better off as we were before. Daniel was a sight for sore eyes.

“How are you here?” I asked cupping his face.

He smiled down at me. Even though he hadn’t had a growth spurt since the ninth grade it seemed he had sprouted another five inches. “I’ve been planning to surprise you! With finals coming up I knew you’d be busy, so I came down so we could party beforehand.” He ruffled my hair and moved past me into the apartment. “So, where is he? I want to meet the man officially!”

Daniel looked around the quiet apartment before turning back to me expectantly. Jisung. He was looking for Jisung. Just the thought of him made me sad. Danny’s smile fell seeing my expression. “Y/n, what’s wrong?” He brought me further into the apartment and closed the door. “Did I say something?”

I shook my head and ran a hand through my hair. “Do you want some tea?” Looking for anything to distract me I moved to the kitchen and put a kettle on the stove. Before I could turn the switch, a hand came over mine.

“Y/n, did something happen with you and Jisung?”

He sighed watching me nod. The silence only lasted a moment before Daniel pulled me into another warm hug. The feeling of his arms around me was comforting, but not fulfilling. There was something missing about the way he hugged me.

My hair. Every time Jisung hugged me, one of his hands would always hold my head to his chest. His fingers would stroke my hair, lingering at the base of my neck. It was a small thing. A very Jisung thing. But, a small thing I missed none the less. I felt empty without his fingers threading through my hair.

“You know what we should do?” I hummed in response as he pulled away, keeping his hands on my shoulders. “Let’s go drinking!” Daniel was always dragging me on wild adventures. He could never sit still. That’s probably why we never worked out. While I loved a good adventure, sometimes I wanted to just sit with a good book, or just lie in bed listening to the rain.

“Fine. But, you’re paying.” He cheered and rushed off to go change and I found myself doing the same. Hopefully, I could get Jisung off of my mind.

◈

My eyes looked across the room from over the rim of a martini glass. The heels of my shoes lay firmly hooked over the bottom of the bar stool. “What happened anyway?” Daniel said over the thumping music. He sat next to me at the bar of the nightclub we were in, taking a swig from an overpriced bottle of beer.

A sigh floated past my lips. My fingers traced the base of the elegant glass. “We got into a stupid fight. I regret almost everything. If I wasn’t on my fucking period I probably wouldn’t have acted so rashly. It wasn’t all my fault though. He’s the one who called me a ‘heartless bitch’.” Daniel spit out the beer he was currently drinking.

“He what?!”

“He was just angry.”

“That’s no excuse.”

I sighed, rubbing my temples. “If it helps I did slap him.” Daniel let loose a little smile and took another sip from his drink. “He had a really bad day. He wouldn’t talk to me. I was just trying to help.” I watched Daniel’s brows furrow. The base of his beer bottle was rolling around the bar top as he thought.

“Do you remember in sophomore year, I had just gotten into a massive fight with my parent about school and I wouldn’t tell you anything about it.”

“Yeah. It pissed me off. You clearly needed to vent. You ended up punching Marty Finch in anger the next day.”

Daniel laughed before turning towards me again, eyes serious. “Well, I was too ashamed to talk to you about it. Then, I mean. You were always much better than me in school. I didn’t want you to think less of me because I was having so much trouble with something so simple.” I stared into the clear liquid in my glass. “What I’m saying is...he may have felt like you would have seen him as less of a man if he told you how he was feeling at the time.”

Daniel reached over and took my hand in his, laying it on the bartop. “He still didn’t have to call me a bitch though,” I said with a sad smile on my lips.

“Yeah, no. That was a fucking asshole move.” My friend glanced down at my now empty drink. “Another gin martini, dry.” He said to the bartender, who removed my empty glass. Daniel scanned my face. It was hard to hide the depressing way I was feeling. “You really miss him don’t you?”

I nodded, looking away from him and out into the club. “I really do. Danny, I miss him so fucking mu-” I froze. I must be imagining things. My eyes must be lying to me because there was no way I was looking at Jisung sitting on the other side of the club. His arm was draped around a girl with dyed hair. Her hand was squeezing his thigh as he whispered something in his ear. His eyes met mine.

There was a flash of something. Sadness? Guilt? Longing? But, it disappeared before I could question it. Daniel followed my gaze, tapping his finger against the back of my hand. “What’s up? Who is that?” Anger started to boil in the pit of my stomach. Maybe not anger. Anger wasn’t a good word. It hurt more than it made me angry. Jealousy. Jealousy is what was eating away at my insides as his hand played with her hair.

Danny looked over at the man who used to be mine with a curious gaze. “Jisung,” I whispered, turning back and downing the new martini in one gulp. The alcohol burned the back of my throat distracting me from the stabbing pain in my heart.

Daniel started to get up, fury in his eyes burning like white hot flames. My hand stopped him from doing something he would later probably not regret at all. “Y/n- are you kidding right now? I’m gonna kill him!”

“Danny, stop. Let’s just go.”

I took his hand in mine and dragged him away from the bar. The air around me felt heavy. Like I was up on a mountain. Pushing away the pain in my chest I dragged my friend away from the club, not feeling the pair of doe eyes on my back.

◈

The drone of the television played through the apartment. It was raining outside. It had been raining since the night of the club about four days ago. Daniel sat on my couch, my legs across his lap. A half empty bottle of wine sat on the coffee table and a fully drained one lay next to it. Much alcohol had been consumed in the past few days between the two of us. Daniel; to make me feel better. Me; to forget about the hurt I felt in my chest.

A light buzz was hovering in my brain as I took another sip from my wine glass. “I know that now is probably not the time,” Daniel said, changing topics. “But, I had a question to ask you about Marin.”

Marin was Daniel’s girlfriend. She was quite possibly the sweetest person I had ever met. Daniel was lucky to have her. “Oh no. What did you do? You didn’t run here to escape from your fuck up did you? Danny, she’ll kill me! I like being alive!” He laughed patting my leg a few times.

“No. Don’t worry. I wanted your advice.”

“Hit me with it, baby,” I said drinking the rest of my glass dry.

Daniel set the glass on the table, turning to me. “Is two and a half years too soon?” I pouted my lips and looked out the window. The view was still immaculate without Jisung next to me. It just felt...lonely even with Danny here.

“Too soon for what?”

He sighed, that familiar cheeky grin popping onto his cheeks. “I want to ask Marin to marry me.”

“GET OUT OF TOWN!” I screamed. He laughed when I started squealing. My hands slapped at his shoulder. My little Danny was going to get married.

He rubbed the back of his neck. “I came to Seoul to ask for your advice. And also to ask if you’ll be my ��best man’ of sorts.”

“Are you kidding? Of course, I will!” I jumped up from the couch and poured us both more wine. “Have you asked her dad?” He nodded taking a sip of the sweet alcohol.

“So you think I should do it?”

“Fuck yeah, I think you should do it!” I stared at Daniel with a smile on my face. I could remember when he had gotten his long-legged ass stuck in a baby swing at the park for three hours before we had to find a pair of bolt cutters and run off with the swing. “I cannot believe you are getting married! My little Danny!” I said leaning over and wrapping my arms around his neck, carefully making sure not to spill my wine.

The sound of the front door opening had me pulling away from my friend. My eyes widened as Jisung stepped through the door, keys in hand. His stare moved from me to Daniel then zeroed in on my hand still on his neck.

“Jisung-” I shot up on my feet setting the wine on the table.

He scoffed closing the door, shoving the keys in his back pocket. “Don’t let me interrupt your date. I just came to get some things.” Jisung’s voice sounded like music to my ears despite its cold tone. He wore a pair of old ripped pair of black jeans I hadn’t seen since we started dating and a baggy white shirt. His usual noir beanie covering his dark hair.

Daniel awkwardly tapped on his wine glass and watched as Jisung traveled into the bedroom. He looked and me before nudging his head towards the door. I mouthed a few choice words to him which resulted in a silent argument.

“One of us is going to go in there, and if I do he’s walking out with a black eye and some missing teeth.”

“Oh please. You know he could kick your ass with his hands tied behind his back,” I whispered.

“Why can’t you date less athletic people? I’d like to be able to defend your honor.” He started pushing me towards the bedroom with his foot. He groaned when I resisted. “Y/n, it’s obvious you're miserable without him and he doesn’t look too happy either.”

Taking a long deep breath, I turned towards the open doorway. My whole body went numb as I took the short steps into the room. Jisung stood at our closet, a bag open on the bed. His head turned hearing the door close behind me.

“Don’t worry. I’m just getting some clothes. I didn’t think you’d be here.” He tossed a hoodie into the bag, not meeting my eyes. I watched him pack for a moment. He clearly felt uncomfortable under my stare. “I’m going to be out of your hair soon. You don’t have to watch me like a hawk.”

“Don’t leave,”

His movements stopped, his back away from me towards the closet. An almost perfect replication of the night he left. His fingers twitched as if he was debating putting back the shirt in his hands.

“I’m a little tipsy, but I’m sober enough to know that if you walk out that door....I’m going to lose you forever.”

My eyes searched for any sign for me to continue, but his face stayed hidden from me. Jisung dropped his head but stayed silent. I watched his fingers tighten over the fabric in his hand.

My hand reached out, afraid to touch him, but longing to feel him again. His head turned feeling the brush of my palm on his arm. “Jisung,” He sighed hearing his name. “Please don’t leave.”

Jisung turned around, looking down at me. “I saw you.” He whispered. I saw tears pricking at the edge of his eyes. “I saw you. At the club. You were with the guy in there. I saw you walk in together.” He searched my eyes for something I did not know.

“So did I; I saw the girl.” He sighed, head falling into his hands. “Did you-...God I can’t even say it.” He winced when I tried to laugh through the awkwardness. “If you did-...we were technically on a break so... I have no right to be mad at you.”

“Even if I did, I would feel terrible if you weren’t.”

Jisung looked at me with sincerity. “You didn’t sleep with her?” He shook his head, staring down at me. Just one look into his big doe eyes told me he was telling the truth.

“She kissed me after you left, but I stopped her.” I couldn’t help the smile slipping onto my face. Jisung nodded towards the door before speaking again. “Is that your new boyfriend?”

“Danny? Hell no. He’s my best friend from back home. He came to visit.”

“Oh, thank God,” Jisung said in one breath. His hands reached for my cheeks smashing his lips against mine. My fingers gripped the fabric of his shirt tugging him closer to me. Jisung kissed me as if he was afraid I would disappear the moment he let go of me. His lips danced against mine, desperate to be with me again. I pulled away resting my forehead against his.

“Well...I mean technically...we dated in senior year, but that was a long time ago.”

He nodded, fingers threading through my hair as his lips returned to mine. I was just as hungry for him as he was for me. He smiled feeling me push him backward, without breaking our kiss. He laughed quietly when I moved him into the open closet instead of a wall. Jisung straightened himself up before taking control and pinning me up against the doorframe.

“Wait,” He said breaking the kiss, smiling as I chased after his lips. “Didn’t you say you lost your virginity your senior year.” He asked looking into my eyes, brows furrowed.

“Umm...shhhh. This is about us, yeah?”

Before he could say anything else about Daniel, I kissed him again tugging off his beanie and running my fingers through his soft locks. He broke away and nuzzled his face in my neck, arms wrapped tightly around my waist. “I’m so sorry, baby. I was a total ass. I should never have said those things.”

“No, I’m sorry. I regret everything that happened. My emotions were all wack because of my period.”

“Well...I did deserve that slap.”

“Maybe a little.”

“Hey!” He laughed, letting me know he wasn’t really offended. My thumb brushed over his cheek as I looked up into his eyes. “Y/n, I’m so sorry. I was too ashamed about what had happened that day to talk about it and I took it out on you. Can you forgive me?”

Leaning up, I kissed him gently savoring every moment. “Jisung, I love you. You never have to be ashamed to tell me anything. I love you unconditionally. Even when you leave coffee mugs all over the house. Even when you forget to pick up groceries when I ask you eight times in an hour.” He laughed resting his forehead against mine. “My love for you is greater than any mistake you could make or problem you have.”

“You are so cheesy.”

“You love it.”

“I love you,”

Jisung tilted his head, leaning down for another kiss. This one was slower, more careful. A knock on the door pulled us apart. Danny stood in the entryway, drinking from his wine glass. “So I’m assuming you will need a plus one on the wedding invite?” He said with a smile.

“Jisung?” He closed his eyes and smiled hearing his name from my lips. “Would you go to a wedding with me?” He nodded, kissing me on the cheek.

“Would love to, baby.”

Daniel walked over and reached over to shake Jisung’s hand. “Nice to finally meet you,” He said with his goofy, lopsided grin. Jisung warily looked him up and down but smiled and shook his hand. “You want to be a groomsman?”

“Depends. Did you fuck the love of my life when you were eighteen?”

“JISUNG!”

“WHAT?”

◈

Requests are open my lovelies! Just send an ask!

Masterlist

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telehxhtrash · 4 years ago

Text

ok ok okok so i originally wanted to make a long ass post about it but im LAZY so im just gonna do a chill post about it

i don't believe Kurapika's character arc will lead him to his death.

Ok, maybe he WILL die. But not permanently at least.

I feel like Kurapika and Gon's stories mirror each other very closely, and if we follow that pattern, we can make some logical conclusions on what's gonna happen to Kurapika.

Kurapika is literally hitting rock bottom right now. He's on a boat with the phantom troupe, the man who has the last pair of eyes and potentially Pairo's head, and if the theories are true, the one true person responsible for the Kurta's massacre (Pariston - i'll let you read up on this theory if you're interested because it's amazing - the fucking MOUSE EARS ON SHEILA i-)

Kurapika has also found at least 20 new different ways to die, one of them including taking years off his lifespan for revenge. Yup, fuck emperor time. Honestly, Kurapika is sinking so fast it's not even funny. And you know who that reminds me of ? Gon.

In CAA, Gon hit rock bottom. He was scared, he was weak, he had trauma, he was suicidal, he wanted revenge more than anything in his life, willing to throw his life away to avenge Kite. Gon gave up on his own life for the sole purpose of fulfilling his need to cope with the guilt he felt towards Kite's death. This whole mission was self-punishment. And so is Kurapika's. Kurapika feels survivor guilt, 100%. Why is he the only one alive ? Why did everyone have to die but him? The only thing he can do is resort to revenge. To try and ease this guilt he feels. Because he's alive, he's alone, he has no one else left. Like he said, he has no one and no home to return to.

And then, just when Kurapika thinks he can never have a home again, enters Woble.

In Kurapika's darkness, after having further and further strayed from the light, Kurapika finds the one thing that's the furthest away from who he is right now : a literal baby. An innocent, pure, sweet baby, who has no idea how many hardships there are in life. Kurapika obviously wants to protect Woble, and we get a few panels that highlight the impact Woble has on Kurapika, and vice-versa.

In Kurapika's darkness, a sweet, innocent baby reaches out to him. Reminds him of simpler things, of happy emotions, of everything he wishes he could be. And I believe that's why Woble (and possibly Leorio too- since Leorio makes Kurapika calm, as he says) will be the one to save Kurapika from sinking completely into darkness. Just like Killua was Gon's light in his darkest moments, everything Woble represents will be what ultimately leads Kurapika to get his head out of the water, and to finally find a new purpose in life, finally moving on from the past and accepting a new, brighter future.

I could write THOUSANDS of meta on Woble but I'm gonna abbreviate to the most important things I read about her and that lead me to believe she is the one that's gonna help Kurapika get out of his self-destructive spiral. There's a lot of Bible symbolism in Succession War arc. Morena wears a crown of thorns, just like Jesus, but she's meant to represent the anti-christ and to embody everything Jesus opposes.

Tserriednich shares so similarities with Jesus, but ALSO doesn't represent him at all, he's the exact opposite of him. I'm literally quoting a post I read, but : Jesus: prodigy; turned water to wine; rose from the dead; warned his trusted apostle (Peter) that Peter would lie and betray him three times before the rooster crowed // Tserriednich: prodigy; turned water to putrid shit; rose from the dead; by proxy of his Beast, warned his trusted bodyguard (Theta) that she should not lie to him three times.

Finally, we got Chrollo, with his upside down cross, his 12 disciples and all the biblical symbolism surrounding him.

Those characters, associated with anti-christ symbolism, are all on the boat. But hey, if we got antichrist symbolism galore in this arc, then surely, there must be a character that symbolizes Jesus, right ? Yup, you guessed it. It's Woble.

Like I said before, Woble represents everything Kurapika is not : she's light, she's innocent, she's pure.

And the fact that Kurapika meets and shares a bond with this character, who is surrounded by so much positive symbolism, right after he declares that "there is no home for me to return to.... and nobody to welcome me back. I have nothing else." is leading me to believe that Woble, in one way or another, will be the one that pulls out Kurapika from this darkness.

Kurapika's story arc would not end in tragedy, I don't think that's the message Togashi wants to convey through him, that when you chase negative emotions too much and focus on the past, you lose yourself so much that you eventually die. I think that Togashi's message would be somewhere along the lines of "Sometimes, you get lost trying to live in the past, and you let negative emotions fuel you. But when you think you have no purpose left, and that you've hit rock bottom, open your heart to others and you will be saved."

Because that's the thing that happened with Gon. Gon went through the same character arc, and he got lost but eventually brought back home by Killua. And I really believe that the same thing will happen to Kurapika. That Woble will give his life a new meaning, a reason to look forward to the future instead of clinging onto the past. And of course, it's gonna be painful. Because to see the light, Kurapika has to hit rock bottom first.

(lil parenthesis here : but i genuinely believe that kurapika will be put in a situation where he will eventually have to make the choice between retrieving the eyes, symbolizing his past, or protecting woble, representing his future. and ofc, he will choose woble, and thus his future, putting him on a path to recovery.)

THANK YOU FOR READING MY BRAINROT ONCE AGAIN

#hxh #hxh meta #meta #my meta #i wrote this a while ago i just have no content rn so yes enjoy my half ass meta #i wrote this when we were talking about kurapika and pairo mirroring killugon #but yes imo kurapika is not gonna die or become unable to be saved #hes gonna be saved #woble represents that hope and that light #and woble saving pika and leorio saving him too are not mutually exclusive #theyll both save him imo #but woble was introduced with all this symbolism for the sole reason of making kurapika choose his future over his past #kurapika post

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samanthadalton · 4 years ago

Text

Personality traits for Chloe st James (ABCs)

this is a (late) birthday present for @alleycat97 bc i know how much she loves Chloe. It was definitely fun writing for her character and coming up with traits for her

taglist: @alleycat97 @cloud9in @fundamentalromantic (sometimes my tags don’t work on my laptop, im not sure why)

NSFW on some parts but I marked the parts

A- Attentive

Being around someone like Poppy means that Chloe is extremely attentive to the small details. She’s always picking up on the little signals and constantly makes sure you’re okay. She’ll literally show up to your dorm at 3am if your texts seem “off” to her and she’s worried you’re sad.

NSFW- Chloe is very attentive to your pleasure during sex and loves kissing/biting your neck or chest to heighten your pleasure.

B- Bottom

NSFW- Chloe is definitely a bottom but she’s not a pillow princess. She once got super offended that you called her one and wanted to show you she’s not the type to lie down and take it. Even though she lets you take the reins, she’s super bratty and loves verbally teasing you to turn you on more.

C- Candidness

You can always count on Chloe to tell the truth because she has no filter and will say whatever is on her mind. You find it both endearing but annoying sometimes because her lack of filter means she does say a lot of things that may seem rude but you know she means well.

D- Daredevil

NFSW- Chloe is definitely too kinky for her own good and is always down to try something new during sex, even though she always lets you take the lead. She’ll gingerly ask you if you want to do whatever new thing she’s found online and show you a bunch of videos on how to do it.

E- Experience

NSFW- This surprised you but Chloe doesn’t have a lot of experience in the bedroom. When it comes to sex, she feels more comfortable around people she can trust, but her past partners never gave her any security so she never really knew how much of it worked until you. But now she’s breaking out of her shell more and becoming more forward with her likes and dislikes.

F- Favourite position

NSFW- Chloe’s favourite position is seeing you between her legs, as you pleasure her. She loves eye contact and practically falls apart when your eyes meet as you eat her out. She also loves laying down on the couch with you on top of her, kissing and cuddling her because she feels the safest in your arms.

G- Goofiness

The more you get to know Chloe, the more goofy you realise she is. She loves acting silly and stupid on purpose just to make you laugh and isn’t afraid to scream to the top of her lungs in public which evokes weird stares from random passerbys but always seems to make you laugh.

H- Horniness

NSFW- Chloe is the epitome of horniness and loves teasing you which ends up with you dragging her to your bedroom or just doing it right on the sofa. She loves wearing outfits which are purposely revealing, and will try and seduce you by ‘accidentally’ dropping a pen and then bending over to pick it up, showing off her ass in the process.

I- Impulsive

Chloe tends to be pretty impulsive, acting on her own whim because she either forgets she has anything planned and does something else or she’s sick of living in a controlled environment and just likes to be spontaneous. Her impulsive decisions once led you to a three day weekend in Vegas because she just wanted to play poker (even though she doesn’t know how to play).

J- Jealousy

Chloe gets jealous really easily, which is something she isn’t proud of but you know it’s only because she loves you so much. Whenever girls get too friendly with you, she’ll loop your arm with hers, pulling you close to your side, before giving a massive show of PDA. Usually nights where Chloe gets jealous ends in quickies in the bathroom, or just leaving the event early just so you can hook up and you can remember that you are hers,

K- Kinks

NSFW- One of Chloe’s biggest kinks is feet. There’s something unexplainable about it but her biggest turn on is feet. She loves kissing your feet or sucking on your toes because it gets her in the mood. The first time she tried it with you, she was nervous because she wasn’t sure how you would react, but she was glad when you were receptive and enjoyed it.

L- Lazy

Chloe loves her lazy days where she can do nothing whatsoever. Because she’s so used to everything being done for her, she usually acts like a queen and will expect you to treat her one, which includes cooking and cleaning.

M- Masturbation

NSFW- Chloe wasn’t too comfortable with the idea of masturbation at first as a result of her inexperience but after investing in a vibrator, she definitely feels better about masturbating as a whole, though she prefers sex.

N- Narcissism

Chloe is hugely confident about herself, which can be seen as borderline narcissistic but that’s only because she knows she looks good. Back in high school, she was the prom queen and was voted most likely to stay hot (which she was extremely happy about). Chloe does care about looks a lot but that’s only because she was insecure as a child and had to overcome a lot of those insecurities. She’s working on becoming less vain which is working because she complimented Taylor the other day and said she looked good.

O- Opinionated

Chloe has a lot of opinions about everything and will let them be known, even if she doesn’t have all the facts. She has a guilty pleasure of reality tv shows and will always explain to you what is going on and who is the worst and who she loves.

P- Picky

Chloe is a very picky eater and is the type to order chicken tenders and fries or salad from a restaurant when the menu isn’t appealing to her. You’ve been working on expanding her appetite. She definitely has expensive tastes and likes the most bizarre food which makes you wonder why she’s such a picky eater. For example she loves caviar but refuses to eat scallops.

Q- Quickies

NSFW- Though she prefers sex being sensual and passionate, she does love a good quickie and will be down for one. During parties she’ll drag you to an empty bedroom rather than a bathroom because she’s unsure of what she’ll catch.

R- Reliable

Chloe is extremely reliant and you can depend on her whenever you need something. Because she’s number 2 at Belvoire she knows how to get things done (even if she has to use other people for it). She’s really good at delegating and is someone you can trust with your secrets.

S- Scared

Chloe gets scared really easily and hates watching horror movies unless you’re there to cuddle with her. Once when you took her to one of those haunted houses, she fainted because a monster crept up on her and she screamed so much, she ended up knocking herself out.

T- Toys

NSFW- Chloe doesn’t have any toys but she does have a pair of handcuffs and loves using vibrators during sex. Usually during sex, you’ll put her underwear in her mouth to quieten her or use of her expensive scarfs to tie her hands up.

U- Useless

Chloe has a lot of insecurities and one includes her not feeling worthy or useful. You often have to reassure her that she is an amazing human being and show her how incredible she is. She’s always so appreciative of your efforts to make her feel better and with you around, she feels like she’s done something right. You’ve been encouraging her to pursue a career in dance, because she absolutely lights up when she’s choreographing a new dance routine for the Zeta’s and you know she’ll do an amazing job.

V- Volume

NSFW- Chloe is very loud during sex and will let every sound out. Zoey has complained once or twice (or a lot of times) about the noise but Chloe can’t help it and the moans she makes are like music to your ears.

W- Wild

Chloe does have a crazy side and after a few drinks, all of her morals, self preservation, self control are almost gone and she’ll let loose. She once flashed a bouncer to let her into the VIP section of the club (which worked) and if you dare her to do almost anything while drunk, she’ll do it without a second thought.

X- X-ray

NSFW- Chloe doesn’t have the biggest boobs but they definitely are very perky. She’s slim because dancing helps her to keep fit and can do a split (which drives you a little crazy) and both front and back flips. She’s about 5’9 and she definitely prefers having medium sized hair compared to long.

Y- Yearning

Wherever you go back home for the holidays, Chloe is always missing you because she’s accustomed to having you by her side. She’ll constantly text/facetime with you to make sure you’re okay but also because she’s missing you like crazy.

Z- Zodiac

Chloe is super into astrology and you guys play a little game where you’ll watch random strangers and try and guess their signs. She’s always sending you daily horoscopes in regards to your sign and always sends you compatibility posts about your signs.

#playchoices #queenB #chloe st james #chloe x mc #this was a lot of fun #hope yall enjoy

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nalgenewhore · 4 years ago

Text

With My Life - Chapter Six

masterlist - ao3 - last chapter - next chapter

warnings: (all graphic) violence, guns, blood, smut, implied PTSD

an: hello my luvs ! im actually posting a day earlier than i thought i would be so enjoy !

Something heavy pressed her into the mattress. It was a delicious feeling, whatever this weight was, and Elide opened her eyes to find Lorcan rested between her legs.

His head was beside hers on the pillow and the tips of their noses brushed when she turned her face towards him. The light of the morning sky lit up his features, harsh and wild as ever, but unguarded and soft in slumber.

As if feeling her gaze on him, Lorcan stirred and slit his eyes open, his irises so dark his pupils were lost. A small grin grew on his lips and his eyes fell shut again, “It’s early still, E.”

Elide hummed, turning her eyes over the miles of smooth brown skin on display as the blanket fell down around Lorcan’s waist. She ran her fingers up his bare arms where they stretched out across the mattress, caging her in.

She felt the dips and curves, grooves of muscle and sinew that she wanted to memorize again. Lorcan kept his eyes closed, but she knew that he understood what she was doing.

Then, Elide slid her hands into his hair and gently ran her slim fingers through the thick locks, untangling the knots. He made a pleased sound in his chest, the sound vibrating through her as Lorcan shifted above her, his lips brushing over her bare, freckle-dusted shoulder, where the thin strap of her tank top had slipped down. “What are you doing,” he murmured, his breath hitching in his throat when she wrapped her legs around his waist.

Elide chuckled lowly at his question and devoted her attention back to his thick arms, trailing her fingers up and down, up and down.

She turned her head, her lips brushing over the sensitive skin of his neck before placing a too-soft kiss beneath his jaw, “‘m just saying good morning.”

Lorcan hummed, moving his hands to her thighs and hitching them higher up on his sides, “Just good morning?” He punctuated the question with a concentrated thrust, his morning wood evident against her heat.

She gasped softly, her head tilting up and her lips grazing over his ear, “Maybe a little bit more than good morning.” His smile turned wicked and he pressed his lips to hers, his teeth snagging on her plush bottom lip. Lorcan soothed the sting with a flick of his tongue as Elide slid her hands back into his hair.

It was warm and protective, his body covering hers, their forms lined up as one. Digging her heels into his lower back, Elide urged him to grind his hips and he obeyed. She felt herself drip and took one of his hands, guiding it between her legs. “Are you going to tease me?” she asked, licking her tongue over his.

“I would never tease you,” Lorcan said, dipping his fingers past the soaked lace and stroking softly - too softly.

“Liar,” Elide bit out. She concentrated on kissing him, trying to distract from his touch, his touch that made her skin sear and her body arch for more, always for more.

Lorcan chuckled and withdrew his fingers, hooking on the waistband of the scrap of lace and pulling them down her legs before tossing them to the side, neither caring where they landed. Elide’s tank top rode up her flat stomach and Lorcan pulled away from her lips, leaning down and pressing his lips just beneath her navel.

He moved up, until the thin cotton caught on her chest and Elide groaned in frustration, quickly tearing it over her head and throwing it away. Lorcan laughed quietly against her skin and kissed the heavy underside of one of her breasts, sucking a delicate mark before moving up.

He looked up at her through his lashes as he wrapped his lips around her nipple, his tongue flicking over it until it had peaked in his mouth and Elide’s spine curved off the mattress, her head tilting back in ecstasy. “Please, L, please,” she said, grinding her bare core up against the bulge covered by his undershorts.

He ignored her pleas and focused his attention on her neglected breast, his hand coming up to cup and squeeze the other.

Nails digging into his scalp, Elide lost coherency, her skin flushed from his ministrations and her eyes heavy lidded in pleasure. “Fuck me,” Elide pleaded, crying out when he nipped her skin, “please, fuck me.”

“Whatever the princess wants,” he drawled, smirking when she scowled at him. Lorcan shed his boxers, his brow furrowing in an effort of restraint as their bare bodies lined up again and they could both feel how badly the other was affected.

Their lips found each other’s as Lorcan pushed in, slow and steady. “Fuck,” he growled, his cock squeezed by her tightness.

Elide breathed in deeply when he was fully seated inside her and she tightened her legs around his waist as he set a lazy pace. The time for mind blowing, all-consuming bliss would come later, but for now… it would be slow and thick, like honey in a jar.

All ready on edge, Elide tipped her head back, her throat exposed, pale skin for Lorcan to taste and tease as he thrusted into her languidly. Her long, perfectly manicured black, coffin shaped acrylics cut into his skin when she moved her hands to his back, clinging to him tightly.

Little gasps started to tear from her swollen lips with every unhurried snap of his hips and Elide couldn’t decide where to touch - his back, his shoulders, his chest - everywhere.

Her hooded eyes bore into his as she held his face in her smalls hands and kissed him, rolling her hips in an answer to his, “I love you.” Elide paired her soft confession with a purposeful clench around him, goading her lover into a true fucking.

Lorcan groaned low and deep, something purely male in the sound as he dropped his head into her neck and pistoned his hips harshly. “Fuck, I- I love you,” he whispered, fitting his teeth over the curve of her shoulder and biting down.

Elide let out a breathless cry, “Gods, I’m close.” She could feel it, could almost taste it on her tongue - a pressure like no other erupted under her skin, in her very bones.

Lorcan grinned and slowed his pace way down, pulling out and burying himself in her drenched centre over and over, until she came, her face scrunching up as she fell and then every feature easing as bliss resonated through her.

He was teetering over the edge of his own orgasm and Elide reached out lazily, grabbing his face and pulling him to her. The feeling of her tongue in his mouth, sliding and gliding over his tongue had him coming, his pelvis pressed against hers as he came and came, their skin sticky with sweat while Lorcan semi-collapsed over her.

They didn’t move as they both caught their breaths and Elide made a soft noise when he pulled out, their mixed releases dripping down her thighs. She sat up to go to the bathroom and deal with it, when Lorcan looked over at her, “Where you going?”

“To the shower,” she said over her shoulder, moving to set her feet on the floor when Lorcan abruptly tugged her back, gripping her hips. Elide’s back hit the mattress once more and she squealed at the sudden movement.

Lorcan looked down at her, something ravenous in his eyes as he slid down her body, his head between her thighs. Elide propped herself up on her elbow. “What are you- oh,” she moaned as he licked up the inside of her thigh. Her legs fell open and her hands fisted in the sheets beneath her.

A rough chuckle vibrated through her core and she rotated her hips for more more more. “Baby,” Elide whined, her body already shaking. His tongue split her slit in broad strokes, dipping deep with every pass.

She cried out when he flicked the tip of his tongue over her clit and her legs slipped over his shoulders, keeping his head in place. Elide could feel Lorcan smile against her slickness as her fingers wound through his hair and he feasted on her, ruthlessly pleasuring her until she came again, twisting to bury her face in a pillow and muffle her screams.

Lorcan looked extremely pleased with himself as he rose above her, planting his hands on either side of her head. “Water waste is a problem, E,” he said with a smirk. “We all have to do our part in the fight against climate change.”

Bright laughter bubbled out of her throat and she slapped his chest, pushing him off her and sitting up, “You’re impossible.”

“Just one of my many, many charms, no?” he said, falling onto his back.

She laughed again, successfully getting out of bed without him dragging her back and tugging on one of his t-shirts, “You’re lucky I like you so much, Salvaterre.”

Elide stretched her arms above her head, smiling and leaning back into Lorcan when he slid his arms around her waist, bending to tuck his chin in the crook of her neck. “That I am, Lochan.”

+*+*+*+*+*+*

“What are you thinking about,” he murmured, slowly tracing his fingertips over her soft skin, pink like a peach.

They lounged in the large bath, sunken beneath cedar-scented bubbles and warm water. Elide let out a long exhale, her toe tapping the faucet. “I didn’t think my life would be this way, you know?”

Lorcan snorted, turning to kiss the side of her head and breathe in her lavender shampoo, “All too well.” Elide chuckled, tilting her head back to rest it in the crook of his neck. “Is there anything else?”

“Lots of things,” she whispered, nipping the skin of his sharp jaw. “It’s a long, long list, L.”

“Will you tell me what’s on this list of yours, Elide?”

She was silent, contemplating something. Just when Lorcan opened his mouth to probe her further, Elide beat him to it, “I don’t know much about you. Your life. I know you, but I don’t know what made you you.”

He stiffened beneath her, trying to battle the urge to withdraw within himself and change the subject. But when she went to move, to check on him, Lorcan slid his arms around her, letting her know he was fine and it was ok of her to ask. “What do you want to know?”

“...how does one start working in the private security field?”

He shrugged, dipping his head to press his lips to the curve of her shoulder, trailing the smattering of freckles with kisses. “Depends. We all met when we were soldiers. Vaughan and I are the youngest.”

“Really? Did you just join earlier?”

Lorcan huffed a laugh, shaking his head, “Not exactly. Not like the others.”

Elide sighed, “That’s rather cryptic. What was different?”

“The others… they enlisted out of the love for their country when they were all twenty-one. I think Fenrys might’ve lost a bet and Connall followed him to make sure he didn’t die or something. Rowan’s family had a long history in the army, so it was expected of him, but he got his degree before enlisting.”

She thought to herself, trying to deduce why Vaughan and Lorcan were different. Lorcan fell silent. He loved watching her think, her brow furrowing and her eyes flitting to and fro, as if she was looking at her thoughts laid out before her.

After a moment or two, she gave up, dropping her feet back into the water. “I don’t get it. Will you tell me, please?”

“Of course, princess,” he murmured, beginning to toy with her hands as he told her the tale. “Vaughan and I grew up in the poorest neighbourhood in Doranelle, a mostly Ozuye* community. In high school, the military sends in recruiters. There would be days they’d come in and we’d have late starts, something like ten o’clock. All you know is that the military wants to run a few tests, just some basic fitness drills and knowledge tests.” Lorcan’s eyes unfocused and the muscle in his jaw feathered. “They give you breakfast and lunch, snacks when you leave school.

“If you get good scores, they take you aside, talk about how you can get a post secondary education for free if you join. You can even make six grand in their ‘future soldiers program’ but you can only collect it after bootcamp.” His voice was tight, his words almost bitten off. “None of the kids there can afford any university or college without scholarships and loans, so they tell them they can go for free and have a guaranteed career afterwards.”

Elide was horrified and heartbroken, that children from the most vulnerable community in the country were being targeted to be carrion for the nation. Like their lives mattered less. She hadn’t exactly had, on any level, an easy childhood, but what she’d had was a blessing compared to Lorcan and his peers.

Lorcan continued, “So, you tell them you’ll think about it and go on with your lives. Then, they start calling you. Emailing. Sending letters and harassing your family, your close friends. My-” his voice broke, “my sisters, they were only eight and a recruiter visited them at school, told them to tell me to call them back. Fuckin’ third graders. They came home sobbing, begging for me and Vaughan to ignore them. They didn’t talk to us for a month after we enlisted.”

Sitting up, Elide turned and straddled his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck and hugging tightly. “I’m so sorry. Fuck, L, I’m- I can’t believe this. You were just a kid.”

His arms gathered her up, holding her close to him, “‘t’s ok. That’s how we all met, Rowan was this pretentious little prick whose ass I kicked for ratting me out to the drill sergeant.” Pride coated his words at that and Elide laughed, her happy sound ringing through the bathroom.

“What did he do?”

“I dunno, I think he probably snitched about me and the twins sneaking out to the base bar. He was a fucking prissy bitch. No one could stand him and of course, he was the drill sergeant’s favourite.”

“So you beat him up?”

“Twice.”

“Twice? You needed to do it two times?”

“Well, yeah, he’s a fucking crybaby and snitched again so I had to clean the kennels for two weeks,” Lorcan said. “Did you know that Ro’s afraid of dogs?”

“Mm-mm.”

“Yeah, I learned that little tidbit after we watched Cujo and he nearly pissed himself.”

Elide pulled back, tugging on his hair to tilt his face back, “Why do I get the feeling you exploited that fear?”

An arrogant, self-satisfied smile cut across his full lips, “‘Cause I did. Got Fen and V to get him to the kennels, said I wanted to apologise. I locked him in the kennel with the worst canine for the night.”

“Anneith above, that’s evil. How did you guys become friends?”

“We were deployed together. Night before we all left, the boys and I were smoking, Ro came walking out of the barracks. I offered him the joint - he’d never smoked before in his life - and the rest is history. He eventually apologised for snitching and I graciously,” his smirk had Elide rolling her eyes, “apologised for locking him in the kennel.”

“Ridiculous, all of you.” Lorcan laughed and dipped her, his hands bracing her back as he kissed her neck, moving down to her chest. Elide breathed out slowly, sliding her hands into his hair, pulled up in a bun to keep it dry. “Sadist.”

“Baby, you like my sadism.” He nipped the soft skin beneath her nipple, smiling wickedly at her small gasp.

“I do not,” she insisted, her eyes fluttering shut.

“Oh, is that so? You called me a sadist after that night,” he murmured, his voice smooth and accent like dark whiskey and smoke.

Something molten flared low in her belly at the memory, images flashing through her mind. Elide somehow, found her voice, though it was breathy and weak, “I hated that night. L-least favourite memory I’ve ever made.”

He chuckled against her skin, his hand moving down her back to her ass, fingers digging into the plush curve. Elide moaned softly and Lorcan did it again before lifting his head.

He stared at her, his eyes soft and open and so dark. Elide felt her cheeks heat, struggling to resist tearing her gaze away. “Why are you looking at me like that,” she asked, shifting in his lap.

“I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you,” Lorcan stated, leaning forward to kiss her brow and rest his lips against her skin. Her throat closed up and her inhale was shaky. Elide felt his smile and he whispered, “I can’t imagine what the past months were like and I’m sorry. I’m so fuckin’ sorry, Elide.”

Elide didn’t say anything and, with tears rolling down her cheeks, she wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tight again, fitting her face into the crook of his neck. “I love you.”

With all that I am.

+*+*+*+*+*+*

*Ozuye: in all my stories, lorcan is indigenous (specifically Lakota), so i created a fictional tribe based on the lakota tribe - this word means warrior in lakota

the recruitment process is modeled after the american military’s ‘poverty draft’

@mythicaitt @tinywolfofeyllwe @schmlip-scribble @the-regal-warrior @empire-of-wildfire @rhysands-highlady @ttakeitbacknoww @shyvioletcat @alifletcher2012 @tswaney17 @ourbooksuniverse @flora-and-fae @thesirenwashere @queenofxhearts @maastrash @mynewdreamwasyou @cursebreaker29 @empress-ofbloodshed @b00kworm @amren-courtofdreams @minaidss @superspiritfestival @lovemollywho @queen-of-glass @jlinez @sleeping-and-books @ireallyshouldsleeprn @verypaleninja @januarystears @magicalunicorngypsy

#with my life #wml chapter six #elorcan #elide x lorcan #elide lochan #lorcan salvaterre #isa writes #nalgenewhore #oh no not nalgenewhore getting political !#hehe dw this is just the beginning 🤪

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casvist · 4 years ago

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hello my lovely peaches , *puts my clown wig on bcs i’m shy* i’m back at it again, being a greedy bitch and bringing you my second and super fake muse, yeva. remember that part where the darkling’s fake ass pretended to be all nice and wholesome. well, yeva is faker than that. she probably has severe back pain from single handedly carrying all her lies on her back. anyway, i could slander her more but i will probably do that later. if you want to plot please LIKE this post or IM me/message me on discord and i’ll bring some clown shoes and ask for some plotting ( but in.... greedy )

PINTEREST . PROFILE . BIO (tba) . VIKTORIYA. discor*d six of hoes🔪#7888

[ yeva zudina ], an [ twenty-eight ] year old grisha in the little palace. she is a [ tidemaker ] and are known in the little palace as the [ mountebank ]. they are known to be [ adaptable ] and [ devious ] and vaguely resemble [ davika hoorne ].

( okay my soc ass had to make her grow up in ketterdam i’m sorry )

- before yeva knew that she was a tidemaker, she was what one might call an “ordinary” girl in ketterdam. ( as far as anyone can be ordinary in ketterdam )

- as many people living there, she didn’t really have the best time of her life there. her father, well, he was just a name causing an uncomfortable silence whenever one would mutter it. her mother, she tried her best to survive in that hellhole. although, yeva knew how much her did for her, the only person she really could get close to was her step-sibling. ( a wc i’ll elaborate more on when i’m finally requesting that wc). though not bound by blood, they meant the world to yeva and little yeva felt as if she had to protect her from whatever was lurking in ketterdam’s (shady) alleyways.

- despite of her noble intentions, realistically she wasn’t strong. and how so? no one taught her how to protect herself and she was still a child. however, yeva didn’t want to wait around for nothing. instead, she decided to take matters into her own hands and looking back this idea was really stupid, but she wholeheartedly believed that messign with some other kids would be a brilliant way to improve her combat skills ( all my muses have to be stupid at some point i’m sorry, theyre all dumb)

- of course this plan failed terribly ( and instead she was the one getting her ass beaten ). luckily someone witnessed that (comedic) unfortunate scene and helped yeva out. and this somehow became the turning point of her life. yeva, completely awe-struck with the stranger, wanted to know more about him. truth to be told, he didn’t do much and his presence alone somehow scared the kids away ( poor kids almost got into a fight with a grown-ass man) but yeva didn’t really care. turned out he was a drüskelle (retired though (as much as one can), thus he didn’t really have to rely on any grisha “magic”, something yeva really admired.

- long story short, he not only became a mentor to yeva ( who successfully convinced him to show her some “cool” drüskelle tricks) but also a father-figure. yeva really trusted him and his beliefs also became hers. which we might say weren’t exactly grisha friendly. at first she didn’t get why he hated grisha so much, to her they didn’t seem too bad but as time passed his words left a mark.

- however, what actually made her end up despising grisha was a certain incident. as much as this day affected yeva, everything happened within a second. a short moment of exchanged laughter, cruelly disrupted by two grisha. tidemakers ( a cruel twist of irony ) . looking back at it now, yeva figured that these two grisha had a long and unresolved grudge against him ( which wasn’t too surprising with him being a drüskelle) and had their eye on him ever since.

- to put it briefly, yeva was forced to witness the death of someone whom she considered a father to her. yet, fate couldn’t be more cruel on her and it was also the moment her abilities were triggered , and , of course, she turned out to be a grisha as well. make it worse. a tidemaker.

- skipping over all the formalities (bcs this is getting too long) and luck not really being on her side she was brought to the little palace. her mother wasn’t too surprised and knowing that yeva wouldn’t have a future here at ketterdam, she thought that ravka was far more appealing.

- yeva wasn’t happy of course. not only was she forced to be with the people who she despised she herself was one. at first, she refused to do anything at all, she didn’t mind if she were to be punished for her stuborness. no one knew why she was behaving this way, they just shrugged it off as her being a spoiled brat refusing to be useful. yeva, however, didn’t continue to be like this forever and what happened next surpirsed everyone. suddenly, she was eager to train and improved quickly. all they saw was a hardworking grisha but what they didn’t know was that yeva’s intentions weren’t noble.

- instead of wasting her time at pitying and hating herself, she realized that she was at the perfect place to learn everything about her ‘enemies’.

- basically, she has that grand plan of trying to destroy things from within, being the wolf in sheep’s clothing (cutting this short bcs this is getting long again).

personality

- honestly, as i’ve mentioned before she’s fake. and not in that way where she’ll just pretend to smile and go on with her day, she really goes out her way in acting as if she was the sweetest and kindest girl out there. however, everthing she does serves some purpose. she helps you with some training ? she gives you some advice on a personal matter ? she compliments you on your smile ? lets say she doesn’t do it out of kindness. not when you’re a grisha. of course, she isn’t perfect at keeping this act up all the time. and if one pays a little more attention to her actions, they can see her facade crumbling. still, where vika is all about being straight-forward and accidentally hurting one’s feeling without meaning it, yeva is all about sugar-coating when she needs to but also deliberately using one’s weakness against them.

traits ( adding some bcs i want to redeem her a little bit but i also don’t respect her so..)

[+] adaptable, decisive, loyal , observant

[-] ruthless, doesn’t think through consequences, blindly faithful, intrusive

headcanons

- tba ( but i just had to add that yeva prbly wouldn’t hesitate to push someone from the ship when they’d travel through the shadow fold.)

- every time she must do more than simply tolerating grisha, like saying that they’re great she probably loses one year of her life

- trying to keep her reputation yeva is known to give exceptionally good advice

- as much as she despises that “grisha magic” she believes in things like card reading, fortune telling and is quite faithful to the saints (regardless of being grisha or not)

connections

someone who sees through her (shit) facade and unlike everyone else who perceives yeva as that sweet angel, they find her suspicious and doesn’t trust her.

a grisha who is the complete opposite of what yeva think they are and might as well be someone yeva tolerates and might add that 0.1% of character development

listen an unrequited love bcs i’m laughing at the idea that someone might fall for her super fake persona and the more time they spend with her they start to realize that it is just an act.

someone who turns for advice to yeva bcs of her reputation

*sneakily puts my step sibling connection here so if u r intreested hmu ;) but i’ll also request it later but rn i’m too lazy*

HONESTLY EVERYTHING i love angsty and dramatic shit, but i’m super open for other ideas bcs my two braincells need that wonderful input and inspo so gimme all the connections PLS !!! *types this in thirsty for all ur wonderful muses*

#ravkahq:intro #death tw #bcs i need to explain her fake ass #dsdndss i know i still have to reply to my IMs and i'll do it asap but it's late here rn so i'll prbly head straight to bed and sleep---- ds #yeva is like "I don't hate grisha I know one or two grisha !!!#the way i put more effort into yeva's graphic is the vika slander she deserves #(my biggest european flex is having the ü on my keyboard and being able to spell drüskelle without having to do the copy and paste...#that's it and the rest is timezone crying hours :)#named father figure npc after my boi matthias #(in my head)

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eremiie · 4 years ago

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Hey! I’m one of your new readers/followers and I can say I almost read all your post/fics, they’re so good- by far you are my favorite writer! Please keep writing, it really suits you, I love how you make your own realites with the characters :)

I know you aren’t doing Matchups right now, but this is for more later when you start them again, (Take your time, there is no pressure)

This is a bit of a description of myself.

I am 5’0, quite petite, a mix of hourglass and pear shape body, my breast are just in between of an a and b cup if it makes sense, I would say my bottom is decent LMAO, my hair is ebony black that reaches 3 inches past my shoulders, it’s sort-of has capes is that’s what it’s called- I’m hispanic with pale like skin, my lips are pinkish and medium sized, I have long lashes, and a small/medium nose.

My zodaic is Aries, Aries sun, and my Leo moon. My personality type is also INFJ-T.

My personality is kimda confusing but I make it work- Im very affectionate with people I habe deep and close bonds, I don’t really like telling random people about my trauma or past events nor my feelings but I do definitely try and help others if they need someone to talk to. I have a really serious rbf which kinda gets in between people thinking I’m looking at them in a bad way- I have an “I dont care” personality because sometimes I really dont care but most of the time I do I just have no way of really showing it, I get random outbursts of energy at some times, I also like making my close friends feel special and I try my best to show them my gratitude and my love for them, I have a bipolar disorder that also gets in between me and my close friends, at some points I feel like getting bored of them and even feel like ghosting them, and I feel a need to start arguments with everyone, but I try my best to prevent from that happening :) Some good traits of mine are that I care a lot for others, I try and help people when they need help, I don’t pressure people into situations or into things they don’t want to do, I give really good advice, I sometimes learn from my mistakes and know how to fix them in the future// Some bas traits, half the time I always know I’m right and I brag about it, my past mistakes and failures still stay in my head even if it happened years ago, I sometimes hurt people’s feelings on purpose or on accident, at times depending how I feel I won’t really care about anyone around me only myself, I always want to put up a fight to prove my intelligence and strength, I lie but I’ve realized I do it to leep myself balanced and my reputation with others, other than that I lie just for my enjoyment because I find it funny when people believe me, but I use it to my advantages. I take time to see what people like in others so I can do the complete opposite so they wouldn’t want to be friends with me, I don’t want to end up hurting them with my brutal words, I try my best to keep my circle small.

My love language is touch and gratitude, I love to remind close people of mine how much they matter to me and that I’ll always be here even if we don’t feel the same for eachother, I will still be here to make them feel wanted and special. If I had a partner to show me a love language, it would probably be anything they want, I’m a people pleaser, I wouldn’t judge them for how they show their love towards me, if it’s harsh, cringy, or just not showing enough, I wouldn’t really care as long as I remind them they matter a lot to me.

Some of my hobbies are running, going on adventures/places, hanging out with a small group of friends (I’m really extroverted I just don’t like interacting with others, I find everyone annoying.)cooking, cleaning, a lot of cleaning, I just dont like having a messy place, it makes me feel uneasy and lazy, I also like competing/competitions.

Some turn offs are when people lie, it’s so easy for me to tell and it gives me second hand embarrassment, another is being a little too clingy or a pick me person, acting like a baby, such as saying “pweese” or crying about EVERYTHING.//Some turn ons for me are when people remember the small details of me and in the things I like, when they take me places, often remind me how much they’re happy to be with me, letting me work on my own problems if I want to, keepinng up with me, being patient with me, putting up with my bs, insulting me, I know it’s kinda weird but I find it nice, good spelling and grammar, I don’t know I just find it attractive- not judging the type of person I am, arguing with me, <—-I really love arguing and even more if it’s with my partner.

Sorry if that’s tmi, I just wanted to make it easy for you to get to know me, again take your time! I really love your writing style and your page :)

hi thank you so much!!! i appreciate that you enjoy my work so much <333

but can you copy and paste this into your notes or somewhere where you can send it again for another time because having to sit it in my inbox takes up inbox space, tysm!! (plus matchups won’t be open again for a while, i hope you don’t mind)

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luminousbeansarewe · 4 years ago

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what are your takes/version of how the sequel trilogy went down? because i also have my own version in my head, not.... that, but im really interested in the ideas other people have had for it

hoo boy there’s a lot of ground to cover here lmao i will try to keep them as short as i can... i also enjoy multiple versions of events and outcomes for the sequels as long as they’re in-character so i’m not trying to say no other version of the sequels is good or cool bc only a sith deals in absolutes amirite? (i won’t apologize for that dumb joke.) first the jumping-off points:

first of all, i fully support Force-sensitive Finn. even if he didn’t become a full-blown Jedi, if the entire concept of the Jedi was reforged and we don’t see him become the kind of Jedi we saw in the prequels (more on that later), i see him as someone who was attuned to the Force in a way that is similar to how i conceive of Barriss; empathetic to the suffering and joy of others. this would drive him to defect from the Empire and fear it, too. i also saw him becoming a reluctant leader for the rebellion, and there’s a GREAT fic which i’ll link here that riffs on the idea that he creates a spark within the stormtrooper ranks and more and more of them begin to defect... which i love

Rey being a nobody is cool to me. the ONE character moment where she became super relatable for me was when she realized how frightened she was of her own Force abilities. but i don’t think she has to be the legacy of Palps to have that. she doesn’t need supercharged powers to be spooked by them in a post-Jedi Order world where the most recent memory anybody has of the Force is Vader. (also Rey being a Kenobi seems more out of character for Obi-Wan than anything else lol he was pretty committed to the ways of the Order even after they were destroyed, plus he already had one kid to furtively watch over... just imo). this also ties into my expansion on the Force.

Poe being not a carbon copy of Han. i think Leia looked after him, found him somehow after she sent Ben to the Jedi Academy and was a motherly figure in his life. i like the idea that he was a little shit, and she’s the one who taught him to turn his reactive defiance of authority into bravery when fighting for the rebels. i think he looked up to her, wanted to be a leader like her. i saw him in the position of generals like Akbar by the end, as he learns to balance risk-taking with steady leadership. I wanted to see that growth, how those leaders are formed, see Leia get to impart her wisdom to someone. (also i fully support Finn/Poe and Finn/Rey/Poe, i’m not a committed shipper so i’m down with no romance at all between them but those ships are choice af and Stormpilot is all Oscar Isaac wanted anyway, so...) plus can u imagine the dichotomy of Ben the fallen son with Poe, the “adopted” son who became what Ben couldn’t? the guilt of Leia for not knowing how to teach her son about the Force, doing better half-raising a nobody who had the same shitty attitude as Han when they met but no Force ability? THIS IS JUICY CHARACTER CONTENT

Rose was given cheesy lines to introduce an important topic: that fighting is all well and good but throwing away your principles defeats the purpose of the fight in the first place (an important theme in the Clone Wars era, too.) she was there to be the voice of the truly little people in the gffa, who we don’t hear much about in the other trilogies. Finn’s sensitivity puts him at risk of the sorrow-to-hate arc i described for Barriss; Rose is there to be the empathy that sustains hope rather than becomes a crushing weight. i love the idea that she might rally volunteers from blue-collar places (like... Lothal, for example?) and spearhead the notion that the New Republic should be very different from the old one, calling out the fact that working conditions didn’t change with the shift from republic to empire and the First Order simply took it to an extreme that left her and her sister with nothing else to lose.

Ben Solo, hoo boy. so here’s the thing, we don’t KNOW Ben Solo. we were expected to want him to be redeemed because he was the son of Han and Leia, and that’s it. that’s lazy as fuck. him killing Han in the first movie (if it happened it should have been in movie #2, that’s how fucking second acts work) was an excuse to shock people, subvert the ‘i can’t kill my own father’ thing, and make sure we knew he was “evil” even though we’re supposed to also want a redemption arc? you have to read the Rise of Kylo Ren comics to learn that he was a) hounded by the voice of Snoke in his head from childhood, manipulated by it, which is horrific bc it’s like grooming... or b) that he felt HUGE pressure as a legacy Force-user to save the galaxy, lead the New Jedi Order, etc. these are much more empathy-generating and we should have learned them in TFA. echoes of Anakin much? which is why i think him being redeemed in a way other than self-sacrifice (which made sense for Vader given his long history of being a terrible person, knowing it was too late for him in the end, and really just wanting to save his son rather than “become good again”) is more interesting than him just falling (which is too much the same as the prequels.)

it should have been Finn’s call, a moment of Truth that held the balance of Finn as either falling prey to darkness or learning forgiveness, whether or not Kylo got redeemed. Finn and Rey working together to get to that point while Rose and Poe took on the military aspect of the Big Finale would have been great. Finn with a lightsaber to Kylo’s throat, feeling the temptation to murder him instead of making him face what he’s become in a meaningful way? Rey trying to urge him away from darkness as she’s been tempted before, but this is the first time Finn’s really been tested, and he was the one who so often reminded her of her own humanity? Rey calling up Rose’s point of creating a new paradigm instead of recreating the old one, of Poe’s growth or Leia’s willingness to take Ben back showing it’s possible? shiiiiiiit

the rest is going under a cut!

SO... given those things as a basis...

there being no scene where Force-ghost Anakin bops Kylo on the head (but you know, more subtly and with gorgeous metaphor ofc) was a travesty. we needed some version of that, also imo that reaffirms that Anakin was the chosen one... as him redirecting his grandson away from that path would be restoring hella balance

Snoke should have had his own fucked up backstory, if he was even there at all. a dark sider fucking with Ben Solo is reasonable to me, but Snoke could have been someone who looked up to Palps as much as Kylo supposedly looked up to Vader. that would have been interesting... maybe there are multiple “nobodies” who are being touched by the Force, just like there always were in the prequels era, but some are going dark with no Jedi to try to convince them otherwise? or, maybe Snoke’s life was ruined by the Empire and he chose to become the beast that harmed him, whereas Kylo becomes the version where you think you want to do that but then realize that it’s just as bad and you still have empathy and regret what you’ve done?

Thrawn being the main military antagonist, since they couldn’t be arsed to make Hux into anything but a sniveling baby fascist (despite his really upsetting backstory of an abusive father, also found in the comics... noticing a trend here?). Thrawn was already established and beloved in the legends. why would you not use him. whY?? he’s like a foil for Tarkin. contention between him and the Force-users in charge (Snoke and Kylo) would have been VERY interesting, esp with the character of Thrawn in the new canon seeing the Empire as a ‘necessary evil’ and now maybe having the potential to make it into something else? how’s JOINING WITH THE NEW REPUBLIC for a subversion of the classic tropes, Rian?????? you fucker????

if Thrawn’s history is “too storied” for a bunch of cowards to "fit” into a new movie trilogy, invent another antivillain to take Thrawn’s place whose history is a little more concurrent with the sequel era... you cowards

Luke fucking off after his failure isn’t out of character IMO. he was THE STRONGEST JEDI EVER and his star pupil still fell? maybe he broke under the same pressure Ben did. maybe that’s what allows him to reach back out towards Kylo and reconnect, admitting his failure. i want to hear more about him cutting himself off from the Force bc i LOVE KOTOR 2 and Kreia, but maybe that’s too much for one trilogy to delve into meaningfully, i dunno

Han fucking off after Ben wrecked the temple isn’t OOC either. i think Han was always a little frightened of the Force, the way many non-sensitives are. I think he was critical as a father, because he was critical of himself and Han is the king of projection. i wanted more of the dysfunctional relationship between him and Ben.

if Kylo kills Han, the scene needs to show more of the fact that Kylo actually regretted it, which Snoke only alludes to in TLJ, foreshadowing his future. i rewrote Han’s death scene for a friend and got a lot of good feedback about it so maybe i’ll post it here sometime. i can get behind a version where he doesn’t die, too, i just haven’t fleshed it out in my own head.

i like the idea that the Jedi Order needed to be remade, and that Luke saw the failure of the old order when he saw Ben turn like so many of the Jedi in the Order did. i like that Rey and Finn might spearhead this, and maybe Kylo’s role is to know the dark side intimately enough now that he can actually teach how it works, how to deal with it... how inevitable its temptation is. because...

in this canon, i don’t think the Force has light or darkness. i think it’s Force-users who do. it is their internal landscapes which cause them to “fall” or be redeemed or not, after all. Finn can attest to the same, so can Rey and Luke... so like, all the Jedi need DBT therapy or something i guess. lmao hold the dialectic, you nerds

the Force has shown time and time again that it cannot be “balanced” so maybe it is ourselves who need to become balanced instead

the Force is chaos, a never-ending series of colliding butterfly effects that to us will always and inevitably be seen as turmoil, cause and effect on a cosmic scale. if you drink too greedily of its power, or try to exert total control over it, by its nature it will consume you because it is beyond your mortal ken. whatever you hunger for, the force will give you more and more of it until you are overwhelmed, drowning in it

this is why peace was a central teaching of the Jedi... peace, the antithesis of chaos, which can only ever be created from within, the eye of the storm which must be sought time and time again

anyway thanks for coming to my ted talk? i’m always down to hear other people’s ideas for these characters tbh. and always down to get more into these topics if you want to know more... esp as it relates to the failure of the Jedi Order, or KOTOR 2 and Revan and Kreia, or OF COURSE my OCs because Sol has a very interesting relationship with the Force.

thank you for this ask lordimperius!! ^_^

#star wars sequels #this got way deeper into my meta than i meant for it to but i can't help it #my headcanons #asks #if you read all of this or even most of it you're an actual angel

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wienerbarnes · 5 years ago

Text

High

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 1,374

Warnings: Cuteness, marijuana use

Trope: Accidental cuddling

A/N: i rewrote this oneshot like three times and they were all so drastically different but this is the one i liked the most! this is my submission for @jupiterbucky‘s 1k writing challenge! congrats clo ur one of my fav blogs on here and im so glad i could participate :) oneshot under the cut! enjoy! <3

It’s an art form. The way your delicate fingers move and bend, gentle but with purpose. Your eyes fixed on your goal and unmoving from your masterpiece. You move quick with your nimble fingers; almost there.

Five joints rolled tightly and spread neatly in a row.

Call it a post-mission ritual.

...

Outside in the hallway, Bucky is shuffling his way to the kitchen to make himself a warm glass of milk. Even after all the years he’s been alive nothing knocks him out better than a warm glass of milk. As he gets closer to the end of the hallway he notices a faint smell of... what?

His nose must be mistaking him. But when has his nose ever been wrong?

Golly, he hasn’t smelt the smell of a reefer since 1934.

But who would have marijuana in the building? On this floor? The only ones up here are you and Steve and Steve’s never gotten into any of that because of his asthma, even after he became super. Which means it’s you. You’re getting high off marijuana in your room in the middle of the night like a teenager. And suddenly Bucky finds it extremely hard to resist creeping up to your door...

You’re halfway through your second spliff when you hear a light knocking on your door. You quickly fan away smoke out the window, as if you’re back at home scared of your parents catching you, and make your way to the door.

Moving it open only a crack, you’re met with the bright, blue-gray eyes of Bucky Barnes. Intimidating guy, but a big ol’ teddy bear on the inside.

“What’s up, Buck?” You quietly inquire. You like Bucky and all, but you’d much rather get on with your... activity.

“Are you smoking marijuana cigarettes in there?” He accuses, getting straight to the point. You can spot his playful smirk from a mile away, though.

“Don’t know, you gonna tattle?” You tease back. It’s becoming harder and harder for your foggy brain to contain the giggles threatening to escape your lips.

“Depends on whether or not I’m invited, sugar.” He cheekily replies, obviously amused by your state.

“Of course! I’ve got plenty for the whole class.” The giggles escape and your smile is wide as you move aside and invite Bucky in.

Bucky watches you plop down on top of the desk next to an open grinder dirty with green dust, a lighter, and a pack of rolling papers. You’re eyes are tinged pink, you can’t hold in your giggles, and the room still stinks of skunk no matter how hard you tried to hide it.

And Bucky doesn’t think he’s ever seen a more adorable goofball.

His mind has switched from searching for a warm glass of milk, to craving the bitterness of pot like he’s sixteen again, to just kissing you silly.

He sits on the edge of the bed closest to you and watches as you relight the joint and inhale deeply. You do it once more before passing it to him in between your index and middle fingers.

He takes it from you and looks at it. He remembers all the times Steve would scold him for smoking, both marijuana and nicotine cigarettes. He thinks Steve was just jealous because he could never join him with his lung conditions.

“It won’t bite, you know.” You tease him.

Bucky glances at you and back at the joint before holding it to his lips and taking a deep inhale. The smoke enters his mouth and he feels warm. He lets the smoke seep into every corner of his mouth and throat before letting it escape through his nostrils. His eyes close in bliss because, wow, he did not remember this feeling so nice.

“Okay, Chong, no need to show off.” You pluck the joint from his fingertips, a wide grin spreading across your face.

“I don’t understand that reference.” Bucky’s smile creeps onto his face as he watches the smoke pour from your mouth.

Joint after joint is lit and burnt to the filter until there are none left. You and Bucky lay next to each other on your bed facing the ceiling and you both revel in your highs. Eyes tinted red, lazy smiles permanently etched on their faces, bodies unknowingly inching closer and closer together.

“So what was weed like back in your day?” You asked.

“Very taboo. And kinda hard to get. But I knew a coupla guys from my boxing gym that knew a guy who knew a guy. Never did it too often though, always had to be keepin’ an eye on my sisters and Steve.” Bucky responded, the tone in his voice laced with nostalgia.

“The first time I smoked it, I was fifteen,” You began after a moment of silence. “I smoked too much too quickly, threw up, and then fell asleep for a about eleven hours.”

Immediately, Bucky began cracking up, his boyish giggles growing louder and louder as you joined him.

As more stories, jokes, and laughs were shared, the high began wearing off and sleep slowly began to overtake both of your bodies. Eyes slowly closed as you both naturally scooted closer together above the comforter. This was probably the best Bucky’s ever slept.

...

Tony Stark strutted along the hallways of his compound waking up the members of his team one by one. Except Natasha. He’ll let her wake up on her own. He skips over Steve’s room, already knowing the man’s been awake since 6:00 A.M. He bears a glance at Bucky’s room, not really wanting to bother waking him up, but he does a double-take as he takes notice of Bucky’s bedroom door being ajar.

Now, why would one of the most paranoid people in the building just have his door slightly open while he’s in a vulnerable state of sleep? He wouldn’t. Tony may not care for Bucky much, for obvious reasons, but his curiosity has definitely been piqued.

Forget the briefing he had planned for this morning, where has the brooding Elsa gone?

He continues to the next door to recruit some help. He knocks on your door and waits approximately four seconds before opening the door and-

“Jesus, what are you guys, selling Pineapple Express out of this room?! It reeks in here!”

You and Bucky jolt awake and look to the source of noise. There stands Tony Stark staring down at you and Bucky Barnes intertwined like an Auntie Anne’s pretzel. His right arm is buried beneath your head and circled around your shoulders while his left is curled around your waist to bring your fronts closer together. Your hands remain tucked into his chest, the heat radiating off his body warming yours to the core. Your legs are twisted around and in between his, ankles hooked behind his calves as if your feet pulled him impossibly closer to you in your sleep. Neither of you move despite the interruption and Stark remains waiting for some sort of explanation.

“Well? You two potheads have anything to say for yourselves?” Stark awaits like a protective mother hen, thought the amusement is visible on his face.

“Want us to invite you next time?” You sarcastically reply. All you crave is to snuggle into Bucky as much as possible and fall back into a deep sleep with him.

Luckily, Tony seems to catch the hint and exits the room, not before a roll of his eyes and call out to FRIDAY to, “let him know the next time Cypress Hill decides to spend the night in his compound.”

You and Bucky remain unmoving from their position, both wondering what the other is thinking. Bucky breaks the silence.

“I don’t know about you, but, I’m mighty comfortable after what was probably the best sleep I’ve had in years, and I don’t really feel much like movin’.” He tucks you closer into him, urging you to rest your head in the crook of his neck so his head can rest on top of yours.

“Glad we’re on the same page, Snoop Dogg.” You groggily respond, wrapping your hands around Bucky’s torso to absorb as much of him as possible, eyes closing as you both drift off once again.

#clos1kwritingchallenge #oneshot #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #marvel #marvel fanfiction #bucky barnes oneshot #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x you #writing challenge #marijuana

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desolationlovers · 4 years ago

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oh yall thought i was done x posting? lol. kamui character rant under the cut

the thing about kamui is i dont know that hes a very deep character??atleast not how clamp has written him and esp not in the manga.

he spends a lot of the manga being confused and often manipulated. and hes really just a kid.

his first big character arc is debastardization basically. when hes introduced hes a TOTAL asshole (the anime added scenes to make him more of a dick at the start but also has a bit of an explaination? ill get to it). hes shown as very rude to everyone around him, yelling at people to get out of his way or get lost, including his previous friends. hes also shown to have absolutely no care for his surrondings and regularly fights and uses his powers in places where bystanders could be injured and leaving roads bridges or nearby buildings in ruins. when confronted about the latter by hinotos knight (his name is saiki) he straight up says he doesnt care if anyone gets hurt. which i mean ok nothing wrong with a character being an asshole. the extreme in your face way kotori and fuuma describe kamui as a kid being very shy and Very quiet and gentle makes this characterization confusing but hey people can change i guess. the confusing part is that as kamui slowly beings to let his guard down he says that the big reason he was so standoffish especially wrt kotori and fuuma was because he wanted to keep them at a distance so they wouldnt get involved with all the end of the world stuff. which makes sense obviously! kamui was absolutely aware of how dangerous it might get. his entire plan was to get the shinken (the sacred sword) and bail because he didnt want any part of any of it. what i dont get is why he was totally cool with bystanders being injured or killed. during his fight with saiki they were in a neighborhood! on people roofs and shit!! saiki is the one to lead them to an abandoned construction site so no one gets caught in the crossfire. and kamui almost kills saiki!!! which i will let slide a bit because kamui was being followed and had been attacked by spells literally that morning. but later on he apologizes to saiki but never explained his reasoning why he didnt care about destroying peoples houses??? and its never brought up again?????? also theres a scene added to the anime where he kicks the shit out of kotori and fuumas dad??? because he wouldnt give kamui the sword?? bro thats ur best friends dad you jackass!!!!!

in the anime they added flashbacks for the time after he moved away from tokyo which i think make his whole character make much more sense. when he first moves and goes to a new school he accidentally uses his powers and makes everyone afraid of him. fast forward past elementary school to high? school? its unclear. at school hes a lazy slacker that never goes to class and never talks to anyone, big ol loner. he sees that a local gang has been stealing kids money and beating them up. so he decides to put on a tough guy persona and confront the gang telling them to knock it off and scaring them shitless with some fun ass kicking psychokenesis. now i am SO on board with this addition. kamui being ostrisized for being weird and scary when hes already a super shy kid, so he embraces this scary intimidating image and tries using it for good because hes still ultimately kind hearted. he gets too absorbed in this tough guy persona that he loses touch with the original purpose of it and just uses it as a shield because he himself is afraid and confused. and maybe even hiding behind it because hes so afraid of having this huge destiny that he doesnt know if he can live up to and how can someone who decides the fate of the world be just some quiet oversensitive guy.

except all of that is my own speculation and analysis because they really do not go into ANY detail about this. i wouldnt say its to the point where it feels like they just flipped a switch and hes nice now but it def feels like that. and it annoys me because after he kind of apologizes for being a dick it doesnt really get brought up again?? i think he broods over it once or twice. but i would have really liked to see flashes of it coming back in high stress situations or something? he has a lot of points of grief and depression but its always meloncholic rather than angry and it really makes him feel like two different characters i wish it was way more of a mix.

anger would also be good with the whole overarching theme of trying to break out of the path destined for you. its constantly said that theres only one future by the dreamgazers although hinoto wants to change it. its supposed destined that kamui will lose and earth will be destroyed. anger but more importantly PASSION is whats needed break out of what has been preordained and to carve your own path. passion is also whats needed for the main part of the second half of kamuis character arc, figuring out what it is he REALLY wants. what his true wish is.

i also think anger could have been a good inverse to the deliberate mirroring of kamuis character and subarus character. subaru really represents despair and being completely swallowed by grief. his story is that the man he fell in love with (named seishiro) was just manipulating him for fun and is actually an emotionless assassian. subaru is so destroyed by this realization he goes into a depression and because of this is unable to save his sister being killed by seishiro. his goal is literally to be enough of a nusance to seishiro that hell kill him. literally he wants to be acknowledged as important enough to bother killing. its pointed out often how subaru and kamui are so similar, with how fuuma killed kotori, and how theyre both kindhearted ro a fault. its an intentional reflection. subaru even pulls kamui out of a similar depressive state after kotori dies. he and kamui have a whole heart to heart about how some peoples happiness can look pitiful to others and how hes going to fufill his goals even when other people are worried for him. and most importantly about how not everyone can be happy with an outcome. i think it would have been really good for subaru to represent someone overcome with depression about how awful the world is and paralyzed with that sadness and kamui would be the rightous anger and compassion needed to actually change the world. “lets this radicalize you rather than lead you to despair” you know? it would have been a really good parallel considering part of x’s themes are literally about having compassion for humanity. but that reading possibly shoots itself in the foot because the language used wrt the two possible futures are things to stay as they are or for a “revolution” to occur, meaning killing everyone to let the earth heal. so ideas of change are insinuated to be connected with the seven angels and genocide. which uh. not going to get into that.

i do like when he starts going to the clamp school he goes back to being shy and quiet and kind of gets pushed around by people with more force of personality. very fun uncomfortably relatable. its ok man im extremely passive too.

anyway final thoughts kamui needs more passion. clamp give me the rights. also let subaru and kamui hang out and have a brotherly bond. no creepy shit. just subaru being an akward older brother that knows what kamuis going thru and gives bad advice bc he has god awful coping mechanisms.

side note we arent ever told about his likes/dislikes hobby or anything of that nature. the blankest of slates. so my city now. i think hes into obscure indie music and has thousands of hours in various life sim games like animal crossing and stardew valley.

#lees posts #forgot to post this last night #clamp posting

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todancealongthelightofday · 5 years ago

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Well.

It's official. I’m off facebook. I had to. I can't continue to hurt myself obsessing over what you're doing and what people are saying about me. I can't be worried about every post I make and who may get upset or how much of my personal life I accidentally reveal. I'm struggling with myself to not give into the temptation of being petty. I want to show every single one of those girls you added this week all of the screenshots I have of you being the absolute worst. I want to tell your family that you never “went so hard” on me because I was “pulling some shit”. that never happened and you know it. You sit alone, bored, with a dry phone and so you decide to “miss me” and apologize and make all these promises that things will be different. The same promises that ive heard 1000 times already. Nothing was ever different. Just last night, when you accused me of so many things, you yourself were lying to me. Your snap count keeps going up, yet you yell at me that you're not talking to anyone and you'll delete snapchat. Why would it matter if you deleted it anyway? you just redownload it when I'm not around, just like you always have. Thats the thing. The trust is gone. You've used it up. You've taken every bit of trust I have and shattered it. I can't even go to my hometown anymore because I don't know who I can trust. Who you've poisoned. I know you're not telling anyone what really happened. I assume you're spinning a narrative along the lines of “she couldn't handle me being gone all the time and she was being a bitch so we broke up” instead of “I was unfaithful the entire relationship because I have a sex addiction, but I stopped wanting sex with her a long time ago. I also stopped loving her the way she craved to be loved. I stopped kissing her. I stopped calling her beautiful. I stopped enjoying her company on the couch for a lazy movie day. I stopped appreciating her as she held down the fort while I went away for work and flirted and partied and ignored her. While I was gone, she was at work or at home. She was paying bills and calling plumbers and yard workers, and getting estimates on fence work and painters and floor replacements. She was cooking and cleaning and caring for our dogs. She was allowing others to stay in the house because they fell on hard times. She was rehabbing baby animals and getting broken glass doors replaced. She was doing everything she could to bring light and happiness to everyone (and every animal) she could. And she was doing it all while being neglected. Doing it all for me while I was going out and disrespecting her and our commitment.” I know thats not what you're telling them, but thats the story id really like people to know. I want them to know that I cried myself to sleep every night that I would call you before bed, after not talking to you all day, and you “had nothing to say. I just worked all day. I'm tired. goodnight”. I would cry on the bathroom floor when you would come home after 3 months and never kiss me or hug me. just walk past me and ask “who's coming over tonight? lets cook!”. I would spend hours steaming floors and dusting fans and washing blankets and shampooing carpets and then I would shower and dress up and do my makeup and wear my best outfit down to the panties, and you would just come home, have people over, get sloppy drunk, and pass out, leaving me to host until everyone left, clean the mess that 10 drunk people and a bbq is bound to leave, then crawl into bed at 4 AM. Then I would get up at 6:30 to start the morning routine. Dogs out. Feed cats. Let dogs in and feed them. Feed the fish and the tortoise. Let the dogs out again. Switch the laundry, unload the dishwasher. You would just lay in bed all day. If you got up, it was probably 2 or 3 in the afternoon and you'd sit on the couch and watch tv while I did your laundry and whatever other things needed to be done that day. I would beg you to come with me for Tyson’s vet appointment, and of course you'd say no. I’d tell you my family was having a crawfish boil and you'd say you were too tired or “dont feel like being around people”. But thats not true, was it. You just didn't want to be around those people. You were always ready to go to bars and drink and ignore me. thats the people you like. the ones that don't know you and that assume you're single because you haven't touched me or kissed me or danced with me once all night. But oh... if Claire wants to dance or if a guy starts talking to Leah, you're on that shit. Cant let YOUR eye candy get taken by some guy at a bar. Yet I was forced to break a mans nose. I was forced to defend myself, because when he disrespected me, you where nowhere to be found. Probably watching some girl, too distracted to know that a man was trying to hurt me. But doing worry. I dealt with it. Im stronger than you think. I made it through all that. I made it through so many nights of hating myself and questioning what I did wrong and why I wasn't good enough. What I could do to be good enough for you. I didn't leave when you invited Linzy to sleep in your bed and stoped coming visit because she would be bored alone if you left. I didn't leave when your snapchat was all women that you would snap all day long and never save anything so I could never see it. I didn't leave when you fixated on the idea of Sadie showing her tits in new Orleans while I stood right in front of you. I also didn't leave when, that same night, you “jokingly” grabbed at her chest and when we went home, your phone “accidentally got left in the bathroom standing up in a strange place and took pictures of her in the shower”. I didn't leave. I stayed and I believed you because for a day or two after an incident you would love me again. you would kiss me and hug me and have sex with me. Then as soon as I believed you, it would stop and you'd go back to your fuck boy shit. You'd go back to “being so tired” that you couldn't call me before bed but you had time to talk to Claire and invite her to your hotel room. You couldn't be bothered to give me the attention I had been begging for, but you could find time to snapchat my sister and “dare her to flash you as a joke”. Or what about the time you “accidentally” sent her a snap of your dick in the shower?! I am so angry and so hurt. Honestly I don't even remember what the point of this post was. Its gone from having a purpose to the words jus falling out of my heart and into my keyboard. I know I made the right choice. I saw something earlier that said “Sometimes you have to break your heart to find your peace” and honestly that is what im doing. Im so hurt and so scared and I feel small and lost, but after typing all these things, I remember why I left you. I know these negative feelings will pass and my life will get back on track and ill be happy and I know that one day I will find a man that knows how to love. A man that knows how broken I am and the trauma that iv gone through and he just supports me and loves me the way I've always wanted. So im deleting facebook so that I am no longer hurt by all the lies you're spreading and all the women you're fucking. Im choosing to fix me. I am choosing to stand myself up and climb out of this rubble and keep moving forward. Im choosing to start putting myself back together so that when that man finds me, im ready to let him hold me. Also, sorry to anyone that gets stuck reading this. It is word vomit on a page and I apologize for my shit writing and rambling. I just kinda let myself type whatever came out. This is my life. this is me. Well. its at least the tip of the iceberg of the hot mess that is me.

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vampirefreakism · 5 years ago

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The Scientist (Chapter 33)

Summary: In the events following Asgard’s destruction, Loki finds himself on Earth seeking refuge to await the inevitable. Much to his surprise, it comes from a source he would never have expected.

Warnings: none

Word count: 3.5k

A/N: God let’s hope this shows up in the tags and stays there. The AO3 and Spotify playlist are linked in the Masterlist. I haven't stopped or deleted anything. I also posted this on Wattpad so check me out on there if you like!

Masterlist

----------

As one song transitioned to the next, Loki glanced away from his book to the back of the CD case. Luna wasn’t around to enjoy the music with him – the reason he spent most of the morning sending high praises to the Allfathers. She would be able to tell how quickly he lost interest in the wonders of evolution over a new album. New for him, normal for her.

Marking his place, Loki put his book down and strode over to the newly set-up record player. He traced a finger around the edges as he tapped his foot to the beat, imagining how a track might sound played through it. It escaped him as to why Luna would need another thing to play music. ‘You have one already,’ he had reasoned, but it was a lavish gift from Stark. It would have been rude to not accept it.

Loki had the privilege of carrying the boxes into her apartment and assembling everything with her. A different science than he was used to, but it was no less entertaining. Ignorantly, he had pondered out loud which album they could play. ‘We don’t have the proper format,’ Luna told him and expanded on what a vinyl record was. Loki remembered them from a trip or two to Earth during the early 20th century. A surprise people still used them, but he figured it was purely for the nostalgia.

He pressed the on button on the front, awakening the turntable. It spun clockwise in a lazy fashion. Loki was tempted to lift the cover and touch it. Feel the material move against his skin, but Luna was firm. ‘Don’t touch it unless you’re putting a record on. It has to be kept clean.’ Would she be able to tell if he defied her? Perhaps. She was more perceptive than he previously took her for.

Feeling peckish, he switched the turntable off and grabbed his phone on the way to the kitchen. Peter teased him with the promise of sending pictures of the inside of his school and his other friends. It was a naughty and dangerous idea, and Loki was all for it. Finding nothing of interest on the counter or in the fridge, he settled for an ice cream pint. No need to worry about his hand turning blue, so long as he was alone.

Loki’s phone pinged to life as he was finishing the first half of the container. It was a message from Peter. He shook his hand out, getting some warmth back into it, and opened it.

‘Hey! Im in math. Is boring’

Attached is a hastily-taken picture of a whiteboard covered in diagrams and equations. Portions of it were blocked by the many students in front of Peter’s phone camera. Loki snickered and typed out his response.

‘doesnt look so’

Two minutes pass by – enough time for Loki to fish out a few more scoops of ice cream – and Peter messages him again.

‘its one of my best subjects so it doesn’t bother me too much. Ned and MJ are in another block from me so I miss them’

Loki's brow creased. He held his spoon in his mouth, so his hands were free.

‘MJ?’

‘oh yeah right you don’t know her. Shes my other really good friend’

‘what’s she like’

The long delay for Peter’s return message put Loki a bit on edge. Intent on calming his nerves, he put the rest of his ice cream away and ventured to Luna’s room. He could hear his music still, only muffled a little.

Beneath her bed sat a row of shoeboxes, containing everything but a pair of shoes. The first Loki opened housed all of Luna’s keychains and charms. A few piqued his interest; a simple black skull, a Darth Vader figure, a mini Mjolnir, and a crescent moon with two stars attached. He smirked, turning over the little moon in his hand. He expected no less from her.

Through the concluding music, Loki’s phone chimed anew with a message for him. Careful not to step on the charms littering the floor, he shuffled back to the kitchen and opened up his device. Again, it was from Peter.

‘hey! Srry for the wait. Teacher almost caught me txting lmao’

Loki grins.

‘first rule of mischief: never get caught’

‘ooh neds here now. He says hi’

Attached is another picture, taken at a low angle, of Peter and Ned. Both boys smile into the camera as Ned waves down to it, greeting Loki through the phone.

‘hello ned. Grand to see you again’

‘we r at lunch now. MJ is here too’

This photo was not of either of the two boys, but of their friend sitting across from them at a table. The friend – Loki assumed – was MJ. She held a book in one hand as she shot someone an irritated look.

‘is this MJ?’

‘yeah. We interrupted her reading but its ok XP’

‘does she know about me being here?’

A pause in the messaging held the air still. It was as though Peter deliberated in secret. Loki was impatient for the outcome.

‘no, but she might suspect. She’s really observant. Lolol shes already commented on my txtin’

‘may not be wise to communicate in front of people’

‘maybe not. txt u later?’

‘sure’

‘kk! Talk l8r!’

A loud silence took the apartment once more. Loki was desperate to banish it, so he started the album over again. He didn't mind. It wasn't the first time he'd exhausted the work of a musician in a day.

Feeling antsy, he went back to Luna’s room. He always liked looking at her little treasures, no matter if they were new to his eyes or if he’d seen them ten times before. Tucking her box of keychains back where it belonged, he moved on to another corner of the room: her closet.

Clothes were always crucial to Loki. Being a royal meant looking his best, both in the ballroom and on the battlefield. He was consistently stereotyped as the brother with the more developed fashion sense, but Thor knew his way around an outfit as well as he. Presentation was critical in any scenario.

Loki pried the door open as careful as he could, should anything come tumbling out. Luckily, everything inside was placed smartly and in order. The upper shelf supported a few boxes and spare sheets, the clothes hung on the rack in a beautifully organized fashion, and the remained floor space kept extra bags and larger boxes. Many places to start, not enough time to go through them all.

He started with the clothing. It was a surprise to see Luna hanging her T-shirts and long-sleeved shirts up as Loki preferred to fold his, but he liked it. It made them look neat and presentable. Beside them, her pants were placed in the same way. She had a few different kinds, so Loki took a look at each.

He’d seen her in leggings and joggers in the house and the gym. Which one she wore all depended on her mood and how the day went. One pair of dress pants sat suspended amongst them. Her skinny jeans – a black pair and a dark red pair – she wore any time they went out. Today, she put the dark red ones on for work, leaving Loki with the black pair. He tried to pick a favorite, but Luna wore both exceptionally well.

Sweaters and jackets squeezed in next to them. Luna possessed a broader assortment than previously believed. The first of the group Loki spied was the sweater she wore the day they went to the aquarium. It was light grey with a graphic on the front of a dark forest. Loki passed a hand over it, tracing the trees from the exaggerated sharp tops down to the bases on the drawn ground. Simple and practical yet stylish and unique. He snuck a hand into the sleeve, feeling the inside. It was soft and plush, like wearing a blanket. A whisper of jealousy passed through his head as he imagined feeling something so comforting against his skin; a far cry from the leather and rougher fabrics of his homeworld.

He peeked at the others he hadn’t seen: a black pullover with a small cartoon alien spaceship on the left side of the chest, a dark grey hoodie with a geometric skull design, a plain black suit jacket, and a notably large black hoodie with a four-letter abbreviation embroidered broad across the chest. Loki tilted his head and unhooked it from the bar. In front of the mirror, he held it up to his frame. In theory, it could fit him, but the forefront of his mind was occupied by one question: why was it so different from the others? Looking crossly at his reflection, Loki stepped back from the mirror and put the sweater back. Better for him to move on to something else lest he leaves a trace of his meddling.

Shoved into the far side of the closet were the clothes he considered to be more formal and fancy. Things Loki never bothered to think he would see, much less worn by his friend. His eyes were first met by a dress. Luna never seemed the type to wear such a garment. Loki found it difficult to imagine it on her, but he kept inspecting it. It was black with a fit-and-flare shape and long sleeves. The fabric was soft and stretchy, and the neckline left less to the imagination than Loki was used to. He tucked it back and pushed it towards the opposite side. Enough with it for now.

The outfit behind it lay draped over the hanger in three pieces. To the untrained eye, they were indistinguishable as to what they might be. Possessing such a sight, Loki took a bold step, unhooking the hanger and laying it on Luna’s bed. One piece had a red-to-black gradient, the other was plain black, and the last was small and wine red. He took the black garment out first and held it at eye-level. Seeing it clearly, he discovered it to be a long skirt with a drawstring waistband. The fabric was a bit flimsy, as though it was meant to go underneath something. He set it down – keeping its proposed purpose in mind – and picked up the gradient piece.

The color shifted along the entire length of the cloth, and it was long. It looked to be a scarf or a wrap skirt. Perhaps it could be both at the same time. The fabric was soft, and Loki couldn’t stop touching it. It was made of silk and felt like cool water in his hands, flowing and moving as though it was alive. He hastily pulled up his sleeves and let it fall across his bare arms. To say it was heaven to touch would be an understatement. He could wear an entire robe of the material and never want to take it off.

He retrieved the final raiment and held it as he did the skirt, feeling the soft material. It was made of stretchy velvet and resembled the sports bras Luna kept in her drawer set. The neckline of the tiny top scooped a bit lower than the one on the black dress, and the short sleeves were made of embroidered red lace. Loki turned it from back to front and back again. It held no zipper, buttons, or strings to tie. Only a simple tug was needed to put it on.

Loki lay it down and stepped back. With all the pieces on display, he surveyed them properly and built up the outfit in his mind in various ways, but nothing seemed correct. Again, he was at a loss. But, to his luck, Luna’s voice came floating into his mind as he recalled a past conversation.

“I do have one, and I like it a lot, but it’s nowhere near as nice as that one.”

One. One what? Loki had an idea and a heavy feeling.

Racing out of Luna’s room, he charged through the open space to the picture of Luna’s mother. The one of her wearing an expensive saree. His eyes widened, realizing he'd snooped in the wrong place and disturbed the wrong item. Loki glanced at the kitchen clock. He had enough time to put everything back before his friend came home. He walked back to Luna’s room, swallowing nervously.

Gently, he ran his fingertips along the saree wrap cloth, feeling the energy it held. This was Luna’s one. Her one outfit representing her culture and heritage – what made up the core of her being – and he’d gone and disturbed it without a care in the world. For shame. Loki groaned and closed his eyes. He had an apology ready, but no one to apologize to.

He closed his eyes and, with his soul, reached out to Luna’s ancestors. Her family members from the mother country. The ones who survived so she could exist. Loki acknowledged the boundary he crossed and asked for their forgiveness. He folded and hung the clothes back where he got it from, hoping they would listen and grant his request. Feeling light in his chest, he smiled. They knew he was sincere.

Loki pushed the clothes into the order he found them in and closed the closet door. Enough snooping for today. He shut the bedroom door on his way out and ambled to the kitchen for an apple. The skin was crisp and the inside as savory as he liked. The apartment was quiet again. For now, Loki deserved it. A bit of hushed contemplation would do him some good. It was a curve, but he was learning.

Throwing the apple core away, he rinsed his hands and got a fresh glass of water. He took the book he had been reading and sat in the armchair by the window. Luna warranted a bit of good behavior from Loki, even though she was not there to see.

--------------------

Close to 3pm, Loki’s phone dinged with a new message from Peter. He marked his spot in his book and opened the text.

‘finally done! Wow the day felt long’

Loki grinned and responded.

‘I bet’

‘so where r u now? R u at the compound?’

‘no, im in lunas home’

‘ooooooh what do you do there all day’

Loki paused, deciding what to tell him.

‘read her books, watch her movies, listen to her music’

‘noah fence, but that sounds kinda boring :P’

“‘Noah fence?’" Loki muttered under his breath. "Oh, ‘no offense.' Right.”

‘it can be, but we go to the compound on Saturdays and out anywhere else’

‘nice nice nice! U comin by this weekend??? to the compound???? ?????’

Loki snickered at Peter’s apparent excitement. He humored the boy.

‘I might’

‘pls bcuz I have some stuff I wanna show u’

‘looking forward to it’

‘:D I have decathlon practice now, so txt l8r??’

‘sure. You know where to find me’

‘lol yeah’

Loki didn't bother texting back. Peter was busy studying with his friends, or so he imagined. He got up and turned his music back on, again, not bothering to change the CD. Good music deserved to be listened to.

His enjoyment was short-lived as his phone rang with a different tune, this one constant and more musical. Luna had shown him what it meant. Someone was calling him.

Loki looked at the screen and saw Luna’s name lit up. He pressed the green button and held it to his ear.

“H-hello?” he spoke.

He heard a light muffled gasp. “You answered! Yay!” Luna praised.

Loki smirked. “Yes, I did.”

“So, uh, hi.”

“Hi.”

Loki heard a distant cough. “Um, what are you doing right now?”

“Waiting for you. Listening to music and reading.”

“What are you reading? Anything interesting?”

"Oh, yes. In fact, it’s one of your biological science books.”

“Ooh, which one?”

Loki read the cover. “‘Four Billion Years’ by William Loomis.”

“Mm, good choice.”

He opened the book to a random page as though Luna was watching him and he had to prove it. “The genetic code is so complex. It’s no wonder you study it.”

“Yeah. There isn't a dull moment with it. So, which artist are you listening to?”

“A wonderful lady by the name of,” Loki picked up the CD case, “Marina.”

“Oh! Awesome!” Luna exclaimed. “And how do you like her?”

“Very much. She’s fantastically accomplished.”

“I had a feeling you would like her stuff. Which song do you like most so far?”

“I couldn’t possibly choose. They’re all good.”

“Just one. The other songs won’t feel less liked, I promise." She giggled, and so did he.

“Let’s see.” Loki flipped the case to the back and read the track list. "Uh, ‘Fear and Loathing.’ "

“Ooh, nice choice. I love that one. They're all good. I have several favorites.”

He hummed. “So, what are you doing now?”

“Taking a bit of a break. I called to tell you that I’m going to be late. Traffic is horrible right now, so it’s not safe for me to leave yet. I’m also working out some ideas for a new experiment.”

The fire of Loki’s interest was stoked. “Oh?”

“Mhm. It’ll be a DNA manipulation using CRISPR like last time, but I would have to redo an RNA template for the new organism.”

“Which one might you be using?”

“Zebrafish. I want to test healing time.”

“Why use a new one when you already have the first one?”

“Because zebrafish are larger than the worms and transparent, so I can see all the inner workings, even the blood vessels in real-time. I can nick one a little and see the movement of the cells as it heals the wound. They also have an organ system similar to humans so I can visualize things more easily than with a worm.”

Her job never ceased to capture him. He felt like he could watch her work all day.

“Amazing,” Loki breathed out.

“Yeah! I've seen a bunch of videos where they do that, and it's really cool, so I'm hoping to get some good results. Even if they don’t change from the average results of a non-mutated fish, it’s not nothing.”

“Of course, but may I speak freely?”

Luna chuckled low into the phone. “You may.”

“I think you will get a difference." He didn't wish to give anything away, but he was confident she would get something. If the worms could produce ice particles on their own, the fish would do the same.

“I will keep that in mind.”

“I suppose I should let you get back to work.”

“Yeah, I have some more things to finish up before I leave. Hopefully, the traffic will be a little more merciful on me.”

“Here’s to hoping.”

“Hm, yeah. Well, bye, Loki. See you at home.”

“Yeah. Bye.”

Loki listened to the buzzing silence on the other end of the line. Pressing the red button, he set his phone down and wandered back to the record player. A present from Stark. Luna got a pair of socks from Peter. And what from Loki? Nothing. As he pulled gently at the string bracelet around his wrist, he thought of her. Luna was the best friend he wished he had earlier in his life but never got. Now, he had her, but how has he repaid her kindness?

Loki gave to his kingdom for four years as its king, proving to his people he was better than the person he used to be. He had the capacity but lacked the resources. What could only he offer? Stark and Peter had more stable connections, but what did Loki have? What did they have together?

He looked around the room and noted all points of interest. They shared film, music, food, and dancing. Yes, dancing was a good place to start. She only did it with him. With nothing Asgardian to gift, he would have to settle for something earthly. Something she didn’t currently possess but would greatly enjoy.

Loki perused the CD shelf. He knew most of the artists, but he didn’t know what Luna didn’t have or if she would like something new. His eyes flitted from album to album and stopped on one he recognized: ‘Led Zeppelin IV.’ Their first dance was in there. Reading the spine of the case, Loki laughed under his breath. Luna was influencing him again, making him sentimental. But now, as an idea formed in his head, sentiment felt good.

His phone dinged, providing a momentary distraction.

‘done with the stuff. About to go on patrol so my messages will be here and there’

It was from Peter. Perfect timing.

‘alright, but one thing before you go’

‘yah??’

Loki took a deep breath and, with shaking hands, typed out his question.

‘how much do you know about vinyl records’

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