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#this post ended up being waaay longer than I expected...
Note
Your post on blood elves still having their addiction brings up some interesting opportunities for Blizz to add some more depth to void elf lore. I would assume they tap into the void somehow to feed their addiction, but as far as I know they never outright say that. It would be interesting to see regretful void elves who can't walk away from the void because they can't access the Sunwell. If you have any thoughts on this, I'd love to hear them!
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I’m sorry it’s taken me an impossibly long amount of time to answer this. I originally intended to do more research because I don’t actually know much about magical addiction, but I never got around to it. To be honest, I didn’t even realize that void elves might still suffer from an addiction until I got this ask!
Knowing what little I do, I imagine that any connection to the Sunwell, a fount of both holy light and arcane magic, would conflict painfully with the void elves’ newfound void form (for lack of a better phrase), forcing most, if not all of them, to give up the Sunwell. This would make their addiction more severe than that of the average blood elf, who has the Sunwell for sustenance. However, there may be void elf priests (and undead priests, to draw an important comparison) that wield the Light, even though it undoubtedly causes them harm. Therefore, it’s possible that some void elves do not suffer as greatly from addiction because they’re able to maintain a connection to the Sunwell. Given that blood elves still suffer from it, though, even with the Sunwell newly restored, I’d bet all of the void elves do experience addiction in varying degrees.
(Someone has pointed out to me that “holy” spec void elf priests do not currently exist in lore. The priest class, they argue, is almost certainly available to void elves because they can be shadow priests, but it’s unclear if void elves are realistically able to wield the Light. Small interactions between Alleria and Turalyon, powerful users of the void and light respectively, caused them immense pain, so there’s no saying what a void elf channeling the Light would feel).
What I don’t know is whether or not the void feeds the void elves’ addiction or if it’s possible that the void has “cured” it completely. Given that their dependence is on arcane magic and not the void, I’m inclined to believe that it has not actually cured it. However, that doesn’t mean the void can’t manipulate them into thinking one way or another for its own ends.
I took a cursory look at the Nightborne recruitment scenario dialogue which raises more questions than it answers about this topic. Alleria, a rather unique void elf compared to her counterparts, never alludes to the Sunwell causing her any harm. It appears at first glance that she can still feel the Sunwell, since she says, “The Sunwell has changed… but its beauty remains,” after seeing it for the first time since before it was corrupted by Arthas. Of course, it’s possible that Alleria can’t actually sense this change and is just commenting on what happened to the Sunwell. (Personally, despite Alleria’s vague wording, I’m inclined to believe she does have an innate understanding that the Sunwell’s energies have been altered.)  It could also be that the Sunwell is indeed causing her physical pain, but we wouldn’t know that without Alleria saying it, and that certainly isn’t something she wants to voice aloud in front of people who are skeptical about her being near the Sunwell in the first place. Alleria is, as we’ve seen in both the audio drama and the comic, content to keep quiet about the light hurting her. With that in mind, I’m hard-pressed to draw any solid conclusions about what the scenario says about the void elves and their relationship to the Sunwell.
I expect that if any void elves are still addicted to arcane magic, they use their void abilities to “acquire” it from various sources. I’d almost even dare to argue that the void itself is like an addiction since it has often been described as an endless hunger. This is really just conjecture and speculation at this point, but it would be interesting if the void completely supplanted arcane addiction in much the same way that the Death Knight “curse” does for blood elves. For those interested, the Ask CDev answer reads, “[Blood elf death knights are not affected by their racial addiction to magic], though their new addiction, the one all Ebon Blade death knights possess, is arguably worse: the need to inflict pain.”
With all that said, void elves probably still have an addiction to arcane magic until stated otherwise. However, depending on whether or not they maintain their connection to the Sunwell at the cost of great pain to themselves (if they even can), that may determine how severe their addiction is.
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dat-town · 3 years
Text
wish you were here
Characters: Mark Lee & you
Setting: wish dragon au (and a bit of aladdin because mark even has a tiger in their garden like jasmine did. don’t ask why, just blame the regular mv), childhood best friends to lovers (at least there’s potential?)
Genre: fluff and humour
Warnings: mentions of a sick animal and a wild animal kept as a pet in a huge garden (just like jasmine’s tiger, it’s very tamed)
Summary: A magical teapot, a dragon that wants everyone to be happy and an old friendship being revived. Oh yeah, have I told you that you have 3 wishes?
Words: 6.4k
For @restlessmaknae​ 💕
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When your mother told you you got delivery to your childhood home, you certainly did not expect this: a brown box as big as a small watermelon with your old Canadian address and MARK LEE scrabbled next to your name as another recipient but no sender. Not to mention, the first stamp on the thing was dating back to the early 2010s. Where the hell was this package for 10 years? And what would you and your old neighbour slash best friend have gotten together?
Okay, first things first:
You and this clumsy, kind of cute kid, Mark had been quite tight while growing up. You were born in the same year, only a month apart, and his family lived in the house next to yours in the suburbs of Vancouver, so it was kind of natural. You two might have been against the world kind of comrades, playing hide and seek when you were six and wondering about whether time travelling was possible through black holes at twelve. But no matter how close you used to be, you fell out of touch when Mark's family moved to the other end of the world, back to Korea, their roots when you were fourteen. You slowly forgot about him, and started university in the city, moving away from home, so nothing really reminded you of him ⎼ and your stupid, big fat crush on him that you had no courage to tell him about in middle school ⎼, nothing until this box.
You put the delivered package on your kitchen table while you make some dinner for yourself out of what you have gotten during grocery shopping earlier just before you picked up the mysterious stuff at the post office. You eye it suspiciously over your pasta, really not wrapping your mind about what it could be but instead of annoying yourself with this pointless curiosity, you put your fork down and stand up to open it. It’s a struggle at first, the box being secured with multiple adhesive tapes over the years but when you finally get rid of all that and can look inside of it, an intense feeling rushes through you… immerse disappointment.
“A teapot? For real? What were we thinking?” you furrow your brows taking the small, green and pretty old teapot into your hands. It looks like a piece of a traditional Asian set with its jade colour and dragon pattern. It couldn’t have been in a much better shape 10 years ago either seeing how wayworn it is but still, you expected something more… exciting? Something funny that might or might not give you an excuse to look up Mark Lee on the internet and message him for the sake of old times. But how lame it would be to befriend him on Facebook only to tell him that you got delivered a teapot under both your names. Hah, you would rather not embarrass yourself like that.
You shoot one last glance at the teapot before leaving it on your counter and going back to your food, you successfully forget about the whole ordeal. You carry your life on with only one small difference: Mark Lee back on your mind after long, long years.
It was just a small crush, you tell yourself, sighing as you look into the mirror, absentmindedly wondering how he’s doing. Does he think of you sometimes as well? Did he go to music college like he has always wanted? Is he happy? You wish he was even if he’s half a world away and with that thought you think it’s time to go to sleep despite the upcoming weekend days. You don’t want to mess up your sleep schedule over some boy but as soon as you pull the blanket over your chest and close your eyes, something explodes in your kitchen.
You jump out of bed faster than lightning, in slight panic over the fact that your neighbours will hate you for bothering them late at night and your landlord would kill you if you managed to blow up your microwave. But the sight that welcomes you is like no other that you imagined. The whole room is covered in thick pink glittery smoke. Like your worst Barbie nightmare.
“What the⎼” you cough, waving your hands to clear the air and once it dissolves into nothingness with its weirdly cotton candy smell, there’s a boy in the middle of it all, sitting cross legged on your kitchen counter so casually as if he owned the place. His pink-ish purple hair hangs into his eyes and he seems to find your coffee machine strangely interesting. You grab the first thing you can ⎼ a blender ⎼ and hold it up in defensive before yelling at the boy: “Who the hell are you and what are you doing in my apartment?”
The stranger’s mouth pulls up in a charming smile, his eyes sparkle as he turns his attention to you, hopping off the counter. He’s all thin and long limbs, so you hate how you hate to look up at him as he walks towards you before bowing ceremoniously.
“Hello, sorry for the sudden appearance, I just couldn’t wait any longer! I’ve been stuck in that teapot waaay too long. I didn’t mean to be rude or anything. My name is Taeyong, I’m a wish dragon and you’re my new owner,” he smiles and what he says makes absolutely no sense.
“A wish dragon?” you mumble in shock, looking around to see if this is just another prank of Johnny. You wouldn’t be surprised to see him jump out from under one of the cupboards. Or maybe you just fell asleep and you’re dreaming. Yeah, that seems like a realistic scenario.
“Ah, yes! I know I don’t look like it but modern times require modern solutions. Most people freak out because of my dragon form, so human it is,” the boy who seems only a few years older than you grins as he’s chatting and you have to give it to him, he takes this role pretty seriously. “You have three wishes as my owner. You can ask for anything as long as it’s not about death or love.”
So you got yourself someone who thinks he’s basically a genie? Oh gosh, is he that drunk?
“Aha, very funny. I’m too tired for this prank, so I would appreciate it if you left the same way you came...” you point towards your window because there’s no way he came through the door. Putting down your blender because the guy looks pretty harmless despite his crazy blabbering, you move to go back to your bedroom.
“No, no, no, I can’t do that,” the boy, Taeyong as he introduced himself, appears in front of you within a second and grabs your shoulder as if he could shake some sense into you. He looks pretty desperate. “I can only get a new owner if I fulfill all wishes of yours. It was super stuffy in that box the last decade, you know.”
At that excuse you let out a laugh.
“You don’t even fit it the⎼”
“You were saying?” Taeyong is suddenly nowhere near ahead of you but instead a small creature, supposedly a dragon, in the size of your palm flies in front of your eye level. “It’s magic!”
Okay, now that sight makes you feel like it’s you who is drunk. Or worse.
“Am I dead?” you have to ask in a small, uncertain voice, trying to think back what could have happened. Maybe that explosion literally blew your apartment up? But it hurts when you pinch your arm and turning back into his human form, Taeyong wants to prove the very same thing. Not the hurting but the not dead part, obviously.
“No, you’re very much alive and a happy owner of a wish dragon. Not permanently, of course, but still,” he tells you as he drags you onto your couch in the living room. As if sitting down could help processing all this.
So you have a wish dragon in your home, a magical creature that can casually switch between its dragon and human form and he says you should wish for three things, so he could leave and you could go back to your old, boring life without magic and things that scare you to death at 11PM.
“Can I ask… why? Why me? I’m not really owner-material,” you whisper because heck yeah, you even managed to kill your cactus before. Taeyong purses his lips as he sits down, a hand at his chin.
“Well, it’s unusual indeed to have a peasant girl, no offence, as my owner but as far as I know, you and your friend asked for a sign that magic was real.”
Oh, you remember that, being so obsessed with shooting stars and other stuff like that, you two used Mark’s brother’s computer to browse the internet, trying to find evidence about all that. You were kids wanting to believe in a world beyond the one you knew. But...
“That was like 10 years ago,” you furrow your eyebrows, not getting the timing.
“Well, sorry, you weren’t put on the top of the Heaven wish list and the shipping from Shanghai to Vancouver isn’t the fastest either,” Taeyong shrugs as if it was supposed to be natural. As if that was the most unbelievable thing. Well, delivery services are sometimes a pain in the ass, that’s true but getting a wish delivered by Heaven was something you would have never thought of and it all drains down on you. Strangest realisation of your life.
“So… it’s all real,” you whisper ahead of yourself: magic, dragons and all that. You could basically see your old best friend’s I told you so smile and let out a soft chuckle. “I wish Mark could meet with you, too.”
At that the guy ahead of you claps his hands and rubs them together, creating the same purple smoke from before. You look at him alarmed.
“Your wish, my command,” Taeyong grins and lifts his hands and before you could make a sound of protest because gosh, you didn’t mean it literally, you feel the ground move under your feet and you’re falling, into the darkness but despite shutting your eyes automatically, fearing the impact of the crash, nothing comes. Only the smell of soy sauce in the air and warm sunshine on your skin… Wait, what?
Your eyelids fly open and you notice in shock that you’re not in your flat anymore, ready to sleep. Instead, you stand in the middle of a goddamn street somewhere in Korea based on the signs still in your PJ shorts and tee. Oh my gosh! You hide in an alley right away and yank the seemingly proud Taeyong with you.
“I didn’t tell you that I meant right now! I can’t meet Mark in my PJs and I need my phone and wallet to function anyways. Not to mention, I don’t speak Korean at all...” you ramble panicking, the realisation that you’re indeed on the other side of the Earth due to some magic is yet to register. But the awkwardness from the stares you have just gotten has already turned you bashful.
Listening to you, the wish dragon seems sheepish and slightly embarrassed as he scratched his nape, his colourful hair falling into his cast down eyes.
“Oh… sorry. I got so excited over the wish that I didn’t think about it! It’s been a while since I did teleport magic but hey, I still have it in me. Anyways, sorry. Phone and wallet, you said? Here you go,” he pulls out something from his pants which magically seems to be indeed your belongings. That definitely makes things earlier.
“Uhm, thanks. Where are we exactly?”
“Ah, well you mentioned your friend Mark Lee, so we’re here. Well, one bell away because I did remember that it’s rude to intrude other’s houses without permission first,” oh now, you know, you snicker internally and gulp because hell, even if you wanted to see Mark, you wouldn’t have thought that the meeting would come so soon. You didn’t have enough time to prepare yourself mentally.
“So… you’re telling me that this… is where Mark lives?” you point at the impressive apartment complex on the corner of the street but Taeyong shakes his head.
“Nope, This is where your Mark lives,” he says and before you could object about the ‘your’ part, the dragon points at the other side of the road at a luxurious house with a huge garden, basically a palace. Seeing the beautiful fountain, the modern and yet traditional Korean style building beyond the fences makes your jaw drop.
“Hahaha, alright for a magic dragon you must have made a mistake. There’s no way the Mark Lee I know lives here,” you look back at Taeyong finding it funny that the kid who used to wore his favourite tees until his mother basically threw them out would live at such a place.
“Mark Lee, korean name Minhyung, supposed to be 22 years old internationally soon. Bad eyesight, contagious laugh, clumsy but has surprisingly good reflexes, gets embarrassed easily. Sound familiar?” Taeyong crooks a brow at you as he reads the information off from a parchment he just took out of his pants. Everything he listed is just so Mark that you’re left in disbelief.
“Uuh… that sounds about right.”
“His father hit it big in 2016 with a tech company, their net worth has too many zeros to count,” Taeyong explains, seeing how surprised you were over the fact that he lived a lavish life like this. Not that he doesn’t deserve it! Mark is such a sweetheart, so of course, you would only want the best for him but as if half the world wasn’t enough, now you have another huge gap between you.
“Gosh, I really can’t believe this. How am I supposed to just ring the bell and say hello after so much time?” you sighed with your head in your hands. “Argh, I need to buy some clothes and change.”
Taeyong approves the idea based on how enthusiastically he hollers, you wonder why nobody on the street seems to pay no attention to him. Maybe only you see him, just more reason for you to be crazy.
“Good idea because we’re having dinner with Mark!”
“What?” you look up in shock, not following through. Taeyong grins down at you, flashing a giddy smile and with a twirl he’s changed from his baggy, casual clothes to something more chic but still laidback.
“Your wish was him meeting me, so I arranged everything. I can't meet him without you and the teapot there, you know,” he explains as if it was supposed to be obvious. You aren't ready yet though.
“You just want to eat all the fancy delicious food he has,” you squint at him suspiciously and the dragon stays silent, so you must be right. He laughs nervously.
“Maybe, but can you blame me? I haven’t had a feast since a literal decade!” he hollers and somehow you really cannot find it in yourself to be angry at him. You are in Seoul for god's sake after all and magic is real, you can put up with the inconvenience of buying clothes and making yourself look decent before dumping all this surprise on Mark.
An hour later you stand in front of the gates of the Lee mansion and nervously you wipe your sweating hands into your dress. You can totally do this, you just say hi to an old friend, it's not like you're afraid he wouldn't remember you, hah, of course not–
"Y/N!" 
You whip your head at the call of your name to the source of that all too familiar voice. Sure it's deeper than you remember but there's no mistake in whose it is. Plus, who else would call your name in South Korea of all places.
"Mark, hey!" you wave the boy who just got out of one of the fanciest cars you've ever seen in your life. And yet, despite the Prada suit and expensive shoes, styled hair and Swiss watch on wrist, Mark Lee still has that goofy little smile and the doe eyes that used to make you weak in the knees. Hah, who are you kidding? They still do.
"Oh my god, dude, you… you got pretty," Mark jogs up to you and having no filter like always he blabbers immediately only to stutter as his ears turn red. It was so him talking before thinking, so you didn’t really mean to dwell on his words. Although you felt your cheeks dusted with pink soon enough. "I mean, it's really good to see you! I was so surprised to see your name in my calendar for today's dinner! You should have told me you were coming to Korea, I would have picked you up at the airport."
His calendar? Ah, of course, he must have been busy and all that. You wouldn’t have been surprised to see an assistant run after him at this point, so you wonder how your wish dragon magically put you onto his list of important people to meet. Gosh, it was so weird.
"Ah, I have a funny story about that…" you chuckled to yourself but before you could have get out anything, even a please, can we go to a more private place? Mark’s eyes zero on the guy next to you and his eyes grow comically wide.
"And uhm, who is your friend?" he points at Taeyong who waves him in exchange with a kilowatt smile. He looks back at you with his mouth agapé. "Oh my god, you came to invite me to your wedding?"
He says oh my god way too many times for an eloquent rich kid, he really is the Mark Lee you knew.
"No, never! I mean, of course, I would invite you but Taeyong and I– I literally met him on my way here," you explain hastily cursing yourself for the silly lie. You came to tell him the news not to try to make it believable. 
“I heard there’s food,” the wish dragon pipes in very helpful and you shoot him a disapproving glance he doesn’t notice. Luckily, Mark doesn’t seem to mind.
“Oh, yeah, of course, dinner! Come on in, let’s get you two settled,” he grins albeit a bit awkwardly as he leads you through the gate after opening it with his card.
On the way through the very, very, very big garden, he’s chattering about how he misses the Vancouver weather, especially on humid, hot days like this and talks about how he thinks the fountain in their yard is a bit too much but his mom loved it and then before you know it, you sit by a huge dining table with fine food in front of you. Suddenly you can’t decide whether you're grateful for Taeyong’s shameless presence – he digs into the jjigae right away – because at least the situation isn’t awkward because of your silence or you’re annoyed by it because you must seem like a weirdo because of him. That’s why you decide to rip off the bandage and tell Mark as soon as the last maid has disappeared too.
“Okay, so actually I came here because I have a surprise,” you speak up, probably too serious because the boy almost chokes on his food due to how fast he turns his head towards you.
“More surprise?” he coughs out and you offer him a glass of water which he takes with a smile.
“You literally won’t believe this one!” you assure him and wait until he gulps down the drink. Only then you point to Taeyong and tell him that your childhood wish has come true. 
Mark almost falls off his chair this time.
Not after you tell him that though. He laughs at that with that wheezing laugh of his as if you told the joke of the century then pats you on the shoulder murmuring That was a good one, bro and turning back to his food. But then you look at the magic dragon pointedly and Taeyong puts down his chopsticks with an exaggerated sign. Then he flexes his magic: turning into his dragon form among additional sparkles and Mark suddenly looks like he’s about to faint. He reaches out to tap on your shoulder while not taking his eyes off the wish dragon.
“Am I dreaming?” he whispers and honestly, you totally get his reaction while Taeyong mumbles something about ‘people these days not believing in dragons’ as he shows off all the things he could do: gift riches, make one stronger than they are, giving skills of whatever one wants. He starts rambling about how this one Chinese emperor became wealthy thanks to this, how that one actor in martial arts and all this before changing back to his human form and he continues eating his pasta like nothing ever happened.
“I can do this all day,” he shrugs as if he didn’t just perform the coolest magic tricks.
“This… this is the best thing ever!” Mark exclaims with those sparkles in his eyes you missed so much. He was always so excited about new things and it automatically makes you smile how he bombards Taeyong with million questions like: ‘So you are the wish dragon that grants wishes?’ or asking him about his scales, his unique color, how it feels to live in such a small teapot, how old he is and the dragon glows under all the attention. Can’t blame him but Mark has always been so curious about the world, it’s endearing.
“So your first wish was to meet me?” he turns to you after long minutes of interrogating Taeyong and suddenly, under the spotlight you don’t know what to do with yourself. You can feel yourself blushing because you didn’t necessarily mean to wish for that but it’s not like you’re regretting it, it’s just… you don’t want him to misunderstand.
“I thought you should meet him, too, after all the package was delivered for the two of us,” you look down, trying to sound nonchalant while picking your food, avoiding Mark’s gaze. No matter how open armed he welcomed you, you still aren’t convinced that it’s okay to be here because the more time you spend with him, the more you would like to stay a part of his life. “It’s just… I wasn’t really sure we could ever meet again. We didn’t keep contact after you left.”
With dropped shoulders, you try not to sound too downhearted because of what happened because you know all too well, it wasn’t his fault, it was a family decision and look at him, it did good for him! He seems happy, they live in a practically mansion but most importantly, he didn’t seem to change with the wealth. He might wear expensive clothes but under it all he’s still the boy with the most loveable smile.
“I… I was thinking about you a lot, I just thought you forgot about me,” Mark admits with a sheepish smile, tucking his hair behind his ear shyly. He really still is the same and it’s playing silly little games with your heart. If this was a cheesy Disney movie, a slow bgm would start to play as you look into each other but your moment is broken when Taeyong accidentally kicks into his chair as he stands up. At first he looks alarmed but then giggles.
“I will just… go. Don’t mind me,” he disappears like smoke with a wink, leaving you two alone at which Mark lets out a woah. You chuckle at his cute reaction, heart doing somersaults in your chest.
You thought it would be awkward, just the two of you alone after long years but Mark has this thing that he makes people feel comfortable around him, so it’s actually quite nice. You catch up on everything and anything that comes to your mind: old neighbours, studies, friends, what are you doing now and what would you like to do, too.
After finishing the delicious dinner, Mark offers a home tour which you would never refuse and you jaw drops at the huge crystal chandelier in their living room as well as their swimming pool but your favourite place in the whole mansion is Mark’s room because it’s just so him. You can’t describe it well but the moment you step inside, it feels like home. It’s cozy to the point it makes you want to cuddle a pillow. It has colours of pastels, a synthesizer here, a guitar there, posters of singers framed on his wall and vinyl records hanging down. His window has a view of sunset and Namsan above their green garden and although you haven’t been in Seoul before, you’re pretty sure it’s your favourite place in the whole damn city, too.
“Wait, there’s someone I would like you to meet,” Mark suddenly exclaims while you’re looking through his pictures and he pulls you out of his room, out of the house, into the garden: You giggle all the way as he’s being so secretive about it but then your steps halt unexpectedly and the hand you have in Mark’s yanks him back.
“Mark… why is there a tiger in your garden in the middle of Seoul?” you ask as quietly and as immobile as you can. You don’t want to attract the sleeping animal’s attention to yourself. But to your biggest surprise, the boy just laughs, his thumb caressing your skin soothingly.
“She’s Jasmine and she won’t hurt you,” he reassures you but needless to say, you’re not too calm and you’re pulled close to the wild animal that lifts its huge head towards you lazily. “She was abandoned by her mother as a cub and she was outcast in the zoo because she’s a bit sick, so she has always been weaker than her siblings. Dad made a donation and we have raised her since she was young.”
You hiss when Mark reaches out without fear but the tiger basically purrs as he strokes down his fur at the neck. You watch in awe as this big wild animal becomes a soft cat under the hands of Mark Lee. When the boy encourages you to pat her too, you hesitate but he promises you that it’s gonna be alright and you take a leap of faith. 
“What’s her sickness?” you wonder aloud as your fingers get lost in the soft fur of the tiger. You hope she’s not in a lot of pain.
“It’s an immune system thing, not sure what exactly but she wouldn’t have survived this long in the wild,” the boy tells you and his mouth curls up in a smile when Jasmine licks your hand. It seems like you’re tiger-approved. You look into its warm brown eyes and your heart churns at the thought of her condition.
Mark tells you stories of Jasmine, about that one time she crashed his birthday cake or how much she likes to swim with him in their pool during summer and gosh, you could listen to him go on and on forever. You’re only reminded of the reality, that all this is just a possible one-time thing, a weekend getaway with magic when Taeyong shows up in swimwear, ready to crash in said pool.
“I guess he might have been bored in that teapot,” Mark laughs, not minding at all. He even offers you to join but you have a better idea.
“Taeyong, I have my second wish!” you call out for the wish dragon who’s suddenly much more excited about that than the water. He’s beside you in a moment, beaming and curious. You glance at Mark with a soft smile before looking at your personal genie confidently.
“I wish Jasmine would be healthy,” you whisper, playing with the tiger’s furry ears which she seems to enjoy. You were a little bit afraid the dragon would say it’s not possible, that he can’t cure sickness but to your relief, he just grins.
“Your wish, my command,” he nods and puts a hand over the animal. Nothing but a smoke of purple signals the magic being done but you believe in it and so does Mark by the looks of it. He reaches out for your hand and squeezes it gently. 
“Thank you,” he smiles and you smile back. He used to be your best friend after all, it’s the least you can do for him.
Mark convinces you to stay the weekend and there’s no way you could tell no to him, not when he clears his schedule just for you. He never complains about how busy he must be working for his father’s business while being a music major at a local university. All he ever talks about is the places he wishes to show you and he takes you around Seoul as if he was your certificated tour guide. It’s lovely how enthusiastic he is about it while what really matters to you is the time you spend together. He makes sure you two take a million photos to remember by, Taeyong posing on half of them since he joins you on your little trips and sometimes it’s just the two of you watching the wish dragon being genuinely in awe by modern technology, 10 years is a long time after all.
On the last day before you have to go back to Vancouver (thanks to Taeyong’s kind offer to take you the same way you came back since he misunderstood you, you don’t have to sit through a 10+ hours flight and you have more time), Mark not only tries to make you breakfast despite having an in-house chef (his eggs are ugly as heck but you appreciate his efforts and can’t help but coo at his dreamy smile under that grey hoodie when you tell him it tastes yummy) but he also introduces you to his friends in Korea. Of course, they tease you (mostly Mark) about where he has been hiding you but it’s all chill and fun you’re not quite ready to say goodbye. But you should go because the more you stay, the more you don’t want to leave. You’re lucky enough for this chance to reunite with Mark but all good things end eventually.
“Let’s not disappear from each other’s life again, okay?” the boy grins at you as you’re ready to go, Taeyong already working on his magic.
“Yeah, let’s not,” you agree easily, looking forward to your video chatting and constant texting even if it’s from the two opposite ends of the Earth with a terrible time zone difference.
You glance at the wish dragon who’s drumming with his fingers while pursing his lips as if he was waiting for something and you let out a huff before working up the courage to actually do something about these feelings inside of you. You might have regretted not confessing in middle school, you have spent years wondering about the what ifs, so you don’t want to make the same mistake twice but still, you want to give Mark a chance to ignore it all if he wants to. So you step forward and wrap your hands around him as you hug him close. It’s obvious that your action takes him aback, he suddenly doesn’t know what to do with his hands and his body tenses under you but it all melts as you say those words that have been threatening to fall from your lips all this time:
“I have missed you.” you confess, honest and based on the hitch in his breathing, Mark must be surprised. You can’t blame him though, you just wanted him to know. You step back with a weary smile, his big Bambi eyes on you but before he could say anything you nod at Taeyong and you feel yourself falling, purple fog pulling you in. A few moments later you’re back in Vancouver, in your apartment, without him.
The first few days pass in a blurr, you can still barely believe what just happened. Your weekend with Mark feels like a too good dream but Mark kept his side of promise and texted you almost immediately as you left. He sends you selfies, songs that remind him of you and you talk about your days like you never did before. Still, it feels like you’re dancing around certain topics which are basically the elephant in the room and maybe that’s why Taeyong tries to cheer you up in his own way. Though, he soon realizes that you not being happy isn’t the problem, you are happy, you just… miss Mark more than you ever did.
“Enough of moping, you still have a wish left!” Taeyong exclaims, throwing himself onto your bed. “Come on, close your eyes, imagine what you want the most in the world and make a wish!" he singsongs. However, before you could even just indulge him, your phone pings with a new notification.
fullsun00 tagged you in their post!
You click on it right away, wondering what Mark’s friend Donghyuck is doing online at 1AM. The uploaded post turns out to be a photo of you and Mark when you all hang out near Han river. You were too busy at the time laughing at how the boy almost lost his whole scoop of ice cream before he could have had a single bite to notice his smile while looking at you. Based on his caption Donghyuck apparently wasn’t.
fullsun00: just old friends, they say. friends my ass @buttercupyn @onyourm__ark
You click your tongue wondering what Mark thinks of the callout but you press like on the post anyways. You put your phone aside before you could see how his other friends join the teasing in the comment section.
“Actually, I do have my third wish,” you speak up as you turn to Taeyong before he could make a remark on your tinted cheeks.
You’ve been thinking a lot about it during the past days. You could wish for anything but you’re at a point of your life where no riches or fame would make you happier because you’re happy enough just the way it is. It might not be perfect but you don’t want to be selfish and you want to make decisions you won’t regret: like catching up with Mark, curing his tiger and bringing happiness into the life of somebody who only ever served other people in his life.
“Ooh, what is it?” Taeyong claps, giddy as if he was waiting for this to happen. He probably did.
“I wish you would go on a vacation and enjoy life,” you tell him but unlike his usual reaction, this time the dragon’s smile fades and he blinks at you, confused.
“You could ask for anything in the world and that’s what you want? Are you sure?” he furrows his brows, not quite believing your words but you just smile, knowingly.
“Yes, Taeyong, I’m sure.”
“Your wish, my command,” he bows with his hands put together and with a twirl suddenly he’s in a Hawaiian shirt and sunglasses, looking as ready for a holiday as one can be. You chuckle and tell him to just go, you’ll be fine.
You’re fine, you really are. Life goes on, you study and work, you laugh with your friends, you video call with Mark regularly and his friends are regulars on your social media, too. It’s just sometimes the feeling of missing something hits you harder than other days. Especially when you’re looking through the pictures you have from your Seoul weekend.
“I wish you were here,” you whisper ahead of you at one particularly good photo of Mark and the sunset, smiling at you behind the camera. You miss his smile, the cute wrinkles around his eyes when he crunches his nose, the sound of his laughter, his hand on your wrist… you miss him.
Ding-dong.
You stand up startled at the sound of your flat’s bell, running to the door to open it even though you have no idea who it could be so early on a Saturday morning. Not having a better idea, you expect it to be either a neighbour of your landlord but on the other side of your doorstep stands a boy who you thought was a continent away. He’s dressed semi-casually this time, his shirt tucked in his jeans, hair lightly falling onto his forehead and a nervous smile on his thin lips.
“Mark! But I⎼ I don’t even have more wishes,” you blink, taken aback, looking around to look for Taeyong in case he came back. But your behaviour just manages to confuse Mark instead.
“What?”
“I just wished you were here,” you blurt out without thinking, your words only processing later in your brain and it’s then when heat creeps onto your cheeks. Mark tries to but can’t really hide his growing smile at that.
“Really? I’m glad then. I just took my new private plane on a test drive,” he says bashfully, a silly excuse for real.
“All the way to Vancouver?” you tease, watching Mark fumble with the hem of his shirt. Your heart beats overtime just because of the fact that he’s there. 
“Well, what can I say? I did miss the weather here,” he plays along with a shrug but he’s more serious when he looks deep into your eye and adds: “And you left without letting me answer.”
Oh yes, you did. You were kind of afraid of his reaction but seeing how he was ready to travel across the world just to see you, maybe there’s no reason for you to be so afraid. It feels like deja vu but a reversed one in a way as Mark gently pulls you into a hug, his lips grazing your hair with a whisper that makes your heart skip a beat: “I have missed you too.”
You really wouldn’t wish for anything more.
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mihidecet · 4 years
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SBi d&d AU: Tubbo
Aka: Tibi’s MCYT WritingTober, day 20!
From @the-only-gamer-gost ‘s list of prompts, another entry for “Fanmade AU” ahahah And as requested by a super cool anon: “ i'd love to see more of tommy's backstory in the d&d au! especially if we can meet tubbo?” :D
Ask and you shall receive! You can also find Tubbo’s reference sheet made by the wonderful @whatimevendoinhere here! Also, @rigatonipastaroni made a super sweet comic about the reunion, waaay before the chapter was even posted!!
There is nothing quite as sad as a bard with a broken guitar. 
It happens during a fight, a sadly-not-that-unusual spar with a rogue elemental that had decided to mess with a village just because they had been bored. 
Absolutely unrelatable. Tommy's patron had commented, the absolute hypocrite.
Still, the overall business had been quite straightforward: get to the outskirts, find the bad guy, kick their ass, profit. 
Nothing they hadn't done before. 
And like everything they expected to go smoothly, things went wrong. 
Tommy would say that thankfully nobody had gotten hurt, and everyone was perfectly fine, and they'd gotten a particularly big reward for something that standard. 
Wilbur would say, instead, that his guitar had been irreparably damaged, its neck snapped in half and body ripped apart, shards laying on the ground like blood, a gruesome heart-wrenching sight that would haunt him until the end of times. 
Tommy's patron had warned him that his second-degree cousin was a bit dramatic, but maybe it was just standard bard behaviour.
To be fair, the guitar was mostly gone. 
Wilbur had picked up as many pieces as he could and stuffed them in its case, but no amount of mending cantrips had been able to fix it. Phil had tried, but he didn't know how guitars worked and it was hard to discriminate where each shard needed to be placed in order to mold it all back together, like a freakishly hard jigsaw puzzle. 
And Wilbur had been extremely proud of his guitar, as apparently it had been a gift and a memento of his grandiose adventures. Sentimental values and such. 
Not that Tommy could say anything about it, not after the friendship bracelet incident.
For about a week, every time they stopped by a town, they looked for a carpenter first, a musical expert second, and an arcane expert third. 
They never managed to fix it. The thing was, it happened to be a weirdly specific and skill-needing task, so nobody they found was either confident enough or prepared enough to do it. 
So they moved on, and the bard's lament continued.
It gets to the point where one night, the innkeeper approaches their table during one of Will's performances - the tiefling had insisted in keeping the tradition of offering his musical entertainment in each tavern they resided in, now with just his voice and sometimes his flute, but being unable to have music as he sang and vice versa was truly different. 
That night, Wilbur is singing a ballad so sad and tear-jerking that the innkeeper actually approaches them and asks if everything is alright. 
"Oh- oh, yes, my apologies, everything is alright. -" Phil instantly responds, looking quite awkward "- It's just that his guitar broke, and we haven't been able to find anyone to fix it. It was of great personal importance." 
The innkeeper nods understandingly, an expression of deep empathetic sadness on their face, before their eyes light up. 
"You know, I might just have what you need. You guys are lucky, the Fixer Upper just arrived a week ago! If he doesn't know how to fix it, nobody will." 
After obtaining a brief explanation of where to find this infamous "Fixer Upper", who apparently works for free and will probably ask for food, shelter or protection as he moves to the next town over, the innkeeper leaves them be, assuring them that it'll be the solution to all their problems. 
Phil finds himself, despite the overall skepticism, feeling a bit of hope. If nothing, at least he might be able to convince Wilbur to buy a new one - make new memories. 
Even Wilbur is less enthusiastic than usual when they tell him, but after all they've been redirected to plenty of miracle workers that turned out to be unable to do anything.
The only thing that feels a bit off, is how Tommy's patron keeps giggling in his head - the way he does when he knows something Tommy doesn't. It's a bother, but Tommy's too tired to try and investigate.
The "Fixer Upper" is staying in a farm just outside the village, apparently sleeping in the barn. 
He comes to the village every couple of months, apparently used to circling back around the same couple of dozen of places, constantly travelling from one to the other and helping out whoever needs something fixed. The innkeeper that recommended him apparently had him fix their son's prosthetic leg, which has been working better than ever. 
The fact that he never asks for compensation is what keeps them all on the defensive: nobody does anything for anyone without coin on the line, so Wilbur is already somewhat expecting to find yet another old relative making deals with young children. 
Yes, he is still a bit bothered by the fact that his second degree cousin spends half of his time inside Tommy's head. 
No, he's not going to bring it up. 
 Approaching the barn, an increasing cacophony of sounds greets them, and Wilbur starts looking less and less convinced and more and more like he wants to leave - not to blame him, the noises are definitely not reassuring. 
They enter the barn, where one side is perfectly fine and the other has a bunch of mechanical and metallic parts strewn on the ground. 
At this point, Techno has a hand on Wilbur's arm, either to instill some confidence in him or to keep him from running away with the shattered guitar.
Then all of them stop, frozen in their tracks, as something completely out of the ordinary appears from behind a wooden wall - that is quite an extraordinary feat, considering the peculiar array of people they are. 
There's a huge block of metal, vaguely rectangular shaped and painted black and yellow, floating towards them. It has what looks like the spinny part of a windmill rotating at embarrassingly high speed over it, and the noise it makes vaguely resembles that of a low hum, or maybe a buzz. 
Two large semi-transparent circles - its … eyes? - emit a soft light that shines against Phil's palm as it bumps against him, the elf cooing with an adoring expression. 
"Hello dear, you're not one of nature's children but you are alive, aren't you?" 
Even Tommy, who has no idea how magic or nature works - he made a pact with a demon for a reason, alright? - can see that it's an impressive display of craftsmanship. 
Wilbur is looking quite confused on Phil's right, but he's no longer needing Techno to keep him from bailing on the whole thing. And to be honest, if somebody's able to make … this, maybe they'll be able to fix his guitar. 
"AH- Visitors! Sorry, I hadn't heard you coming in-" a short figure stumbles in sight from behind a pile of apparently garbage.
The short man, who appears to be human, had wild brown hair, somewhat darker in certain spots where black oil seems to have gotten stuck. There seems to be oil and soot all over his clothes and hands, where bandages cover his fingers.
On his head reside a pair of goggles - multiple lenses of different thicknesses and colours appended to its sides - and he's holding a wrench as if they'd interrupted his work, which would explain the worrying noises. 
The mechanic has a bright welcoming smile on his face when he appears, which immediately falters the moment he sees the infamous mercenary group, expression turning to fear. Which is understandable, given their fame of being quick, efficient and rather costly, unless they're working for the good of all.
Then it turns to shock, when Tommy takes a tentative step forward from behind Phil's back. Which is less understandable.
"Tubbo?" Tommy's voice calls, almost breathless. The boy takes off his goggles and blinks. The wrench he was holding clutters to the ground.
"Holy shit, Toms."
The warlock lets out a strangled yelp, then blinks out of existence in a puff of bright red smoke, reappearing right in front of the other boy and picking him up in a bone crushing hug as he laughs - more joyous than Wilbur's ever heard him - and the two of them fall to the ground.
When Tubbo is still a teenager, he loses his best friend to the prejudice and scorn of their hometown. 
All they need to see are the buddying horns on his forehead, the flames licking at his fingertips, the reddening skin around his eyes, and they banish him. 
They come for him, in the middle of the night, and find nobody but his parents in his home, because Tommy has always been smarter than he let on. 
Half a day earlier, Tommy had said his goodbyes to the last few people that deserved to know where he was going; never once asking for his parents' forgiveness for something he always knew he was going to do - Tubbo had never seen his best friend more sure of anything, even at the worst moments, when the ritual was about to begin, or the few first weeks when he had to use all his coins to buy salve for burns.
And so Tubbo was left alone, left behind. 
It lasted for one day.
Tubbo had never been particularly gifted in the craft his parents had tried to teach him - glass blowing was definitely not his forte, his hands too strong, his grip too tight - and he'd never shown any latent arcane power. Books on the arcane were long, boring and complex, the glyphs all looking the same and mixing with each other on the page. 
But that didn't mean anything to him: he was going to do great things, with or without magic, and he was going to find his best friend again. 
Fate wanted to keep them apart? Tubbo was going to stare Fate in the face and laugh. 
If the glyphs and arcane chants of the mages weren't going to cooperate, he was going to force his hands into the fabric of the arcane plane and pull magic out by himself. 
And again, why stick to prayers and dealings with other entities when he could just make it himself?
To be fair, it does take him a lot more time than the couple of weeks of research and half-and-hour-deal that was Tommy's experience. But Tubbo's always been a quick learner.
The day he finishes his big project, he leaves his home, ready for adventure. 
He has a map of the coast, enough coin to pay for emergencies and a backpack full of the tools he needs to offer his assistance to whomever will need it. 
His marked path will bring him around the same towns. Tommy is bound to pass by at least one of them during his travels. 
Tubbo's going to be alright.
Tommy's eyes are absolutely not, under no circumstances, shining as he tries to squeeze the life out of his best friend. 
Tubbo is just laughing, which is quite rude in Tommy's personal opinion, he should be struggling to breathe due to his impressive strength.
"Look at you! You made it!" The mechanic cheers, squeezing tighter - which, ouch, when did he become strong, it must have been all the working with metal, this is the worst possible outcome. Tommy lets him go for a moment, leaning back to splutter and wave wildly at the mechanical bee still intent on bumping its head against Phil's hand. By the Nine Hells, Tubbo made a living bee with the attitude of a puppy out of metal. 
"I made it?! You made bees!" Tommy protests, feeling a swell of pride for how far his best friend has come. On a completely unrelated note, there must be light shining insistently in his eyes. 
"I know! Aren't they cute! Ah! Let me introduce you to them!" Tubbo exclaims, hurrying to stand up - nearly elbowing Tommy in the gut - and grabbing his hand so that he can drag Tommy towards the bee from earlier. 
Then he stops in his tracks - which makes Tommy slam into his back and get oil stains on his favourite shirt - as he realises there are three other people in the room, all staring at them with varying degrees of amusement. 
"So, what just happened?" Wilbur asks, looking quite shell shocked. 
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nymphigeon · 4 years
Text
Someone you love(d) || KTH
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• Pairing: Taehyung x Reader(f)
• Genre: break up au, angst with a happy ending, fluff? (just a lil' bit at the end :))
• Rating: PG
• Words: 7.2k
• Warnings: swearing, mention of weight, they kiss like once, if you don't like cheesy things....skip this one lmao
• Summary: You thought he loved you, you really did, but the way he left told you something else.
Or alternatively;
Taehyung is an emotionally constipated idiot who doesn't know how to deal with his feelings.
• A/N: Okay it took me waaay too long to write this, I'm so sorry T_T I really wanted to get this out earlier, but well things happened....
I only proofread this like once and had some trouble getting everything into the post properly so I'm sorry if there are any mistakes!  Please let me know if you find any so I can fix them asap.
Thank you for the request @mytaetaey​! I hope it matches your expectations!!!
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It honestly hasn't even been that long since the day he showed up at my house.
"Let’s break up."
Although I really wouldn't be able to tell you how much time had truly passed.
"W-wait why?"
Days felt like weeks, weeks felt like months. Everything just seemed to last a lot longer than it should have.
"Did I do something wrong? I-I can fix it, just tell me!"
It might have happened last week, or the week before that. Wasn't it three weeks ago?
"No, no you didn't do anything wrong y/n. I'm sorry this just isn't working out."
Bottom line is, the passing of time hasn't really been on my mind. Any day without him is a day lost, a day to forget about.
"What do you mean this isn’t working out? I thought we were doing well together..."
I remember the confusion that went through me. All of a sudden the four years we spent together seemed to have disappeared.
“You thought wrong.”
He had been acting weird for a while, never quite getting close to telling me what was going through his mind. I hadn’t anticipated it ever ending like this though.
“Not everything you believe is a fact.”
The years I had to get to know him ended too soon. They went by so fast, they might as well have been non-existent.
"I... why? I don’t understand…
This all came too sudden. Just a few days before he had been laying on my bed, smiling as I told him about my day.
"I just don't feel the same anymore."
I just needed a little more time. A little more time to adore him. A little more time to say goodbye.
"I don't love you anymore."
But I still did do. He didn’t seem to care though. After he took care of me for a while, he decided I’m not worth it. Not even as someone who he just passes by.
"It's best if we don't see each other anymore."
If you cherish what you have you'll never be left unsatisfied.
"Goodbye."
I did. And it broke me.
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“Y/n? Helloooo?”
My daydreams get interrupted by a waving hand in front of my face, followed by a harsh flick against my forehead.
“Ouch! Mina that was too hard!” Both my hands shoot up to the stinging spot between my eyes, one to prevent the evil hand from handing out another flick, the other one to rub at the red spot forming.
“Class ended a few minutes ago, you should probably pack up. Really, did you just stare off into space for the entire class?” Spotting my close to empty notebook, Mina sighs and shakes her head. She’s trying to look disappointed, but under the scolding exterior she’s putting on, there is a hint of pity.
It’s not the first time this week that not a single word has made it into my notes. Each time again the pages are either filled with lazy doodles and meaningless scribbles, or a space of absolute nothingness, not even a drop of ink staining the white paper.
“I’m sorry, I really did try to pay attention, but you know I hate his classes with a passion.” We both know that’s not the reason for my absentness, and neither of us speaks up about it. It’s what I requested myself, not being able to cope with the sadness I was causing my friends to feel. They care too much, I don’t want to burden them for too long.
“I know sweetheart, you did do your best. I’ll send my notes later, if you want I’ll help you understand them too.” Though no matter how hard I try, I still rely on them. They keep convincing me to, their kind souls not being able to leave me alone.  “If you could I’d really appreciate it.”
A sweet smile appears on Mina’s lips as I accept her offer, being more than happy to help me. She has always been the type to give more than she received, and despite me believing she deserves more than she gets, I adore her for it. “Of course, any time.”
I finish packing my belongings into my backpack, first making sure I didn’t leave anything behind before leaving the classroom with Mina close to my side. She talks about everything and nothing as we roam the spacious hallways filled with tired looking students. I wouldn’t be surprised if more than half of them slept until the end of their lectures.
Most of Mina’s words fall on deaf ears as I think back to the thoughts that occupied my mind the entire time my teacher was trying to explain the principle of quantum mechanics. I wouldn’t have understood it regardless of whether I was paying attention or not by the way.
“Ah you don’t have any more classes today, do you?” An unannounced weight falls on my left side as Mina whines into my shoulder, effectively bringing me back down to earth. Some brabbles about life being unfair escape the muffled sounds she produces, clearly not looking forward to the rest of her day.
“I’m going to be so lonely, me and Daeun aren’t allowed to sit next to each other anymore.” Mina raises her head to catch some air, her hands still clinging to the fabric of my shirt. The scowl on her face isn’t hard to miss, as she isn’t doing much to hide it.
“I was just going to head home straight away.” On any other day I would’ve probably teased her, wishing her good luck while I go and enjoy the free life. Today however, I don’t. My face stays in it’s boring resting position, even as Mina waits for the non-existent twist at the end.
It doesn’t take long before she finally sees I’m not poking fun at her. The moment of realization is clear, her whiny expression disappearing and her hands falling back to her sides. “Oh.”
“Well since it’s Friday how about I come hang out at your place when I’m done here? I’ll drag Daeun along with me too.” Mina’s voice is unsure, scared that I’ll reject her offer. A thick tension hangs in the air as we both wait for my reply.
I want to be alone. I want to be able to overthink in peace without others insisting that my mind is wrong. Though on the other side, I do know that I’ve been pushing them away. All the more reason for them to worry about me.
“Yeah sure.” I manage to convince myself to decide on the option I’d like the least. Somewhere I may be hoping that I’ve been missing out on a distraction I needed. I will never know until I experience it.
“Great! I’ll bring snacks too, let’s make it a movie night!” And off she goes, not waiting for any kind of confirmation from my side. Most likely it’s a way to keep me from refusing, forcing me into a situation that’s best for me, according to her.
I might not be looking forward to the events to come, but even I can’t deny the dull blossoming of my heart. The corners of my lips tug up, together with a hand to wave the girl off.
Yeah, perhaps, just maybe, I’m excited to spend some time with them.
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I wasted a lot of time trying to figure out what’s wrong with me. Did I gain too much weight? Did I not text him enough? Was I going down the wrong path?
No matter what I wrote down, which new question I thought of, it didn’t seem right. Crumpled up paper balls and clothes littering the apartment show of the frustration occupying my mind.
No aspect of me changed for the worse. I’m still the same healthy weight, we texted almost every day, and I’m running up the path to a successful career. There is nothing wrong with me, so why am I blaming myself so heavily?
Because for some reason I believe that if I had done things differently the outcome would have been better. Because maybe he would’ve changed his mind if I reacted differently. Because it could never be him who was in the wrong.
A knock on the door and the pen I had been holding drops. Focussing on the paper in front of me once more, the harsh worded sentences ending in large written question marks stand out. I’m yearning for answers to questions I don’t even understand myself and it’s terrifying.
Three knocks on the door this time and I’m up, quickly discarding all the papers littering around. Some I tear to pieces, making sure none of the written sentences are visible anymore, others simply get hidden.
The door creaks as it opens, broadcasting it’s old age to the world. I should probably replace it sometime before someone decides to break in. Not that there’s anything worth taking here, I am a student after all.
“Hey dea- Oh no you look horrible.” A slight gasp interrupts Daeun’s cheery greeting when she notices the birds nest that is my hair. After having acted out all my annoyance on the poor strands, they’ve taken to each other for comfort, gladly intertwining. To my dismay, of course.
“I feel horrible. Come in.” The chuckle meant to lighten the statement doesn’t do it’s job properly. Both don’t say anything more as they enter the tiny apartment I call home, but they might as well have been screaming ‘I feel sorry for you.’” If they won’t do it, their faces definitely will.
“I won’t let any of you chose a movie tonight, I’ve got way too many good ideas.” Mina drops the overfilled bags she was holding on the dinner table while she talks. From the few items that stick out it’s safe to deduce that they’re filled with snacks to the brim.
“Also I was thinking we could order some pizza for dinner. All on me, I just got payed.” Like she owns the place, Mina reaches for several bowls high up in the cupboards of the kitchen. “We’ll use these tonight..” She says it more so to herself than to anyone else, not bothering to ask me anything. Not that it was really needed, I would have given her permission anyway.
“How was your day?” Sitting down next to Daeun, who has made herself comfortable on the couch after walking in, I try to start a basic conversation. Even though I’m not particularly in the mood for anything, I decide it’s probably best to try before I ruin the fun.
“You shouldn’t have to pretend that everything is okay, you know.” My question is completely ignored, switched for a statement that sets a heavy atmosphere in the room. The little excitement I had for their visit disappears. Instead, irritation starts taking over.
“Look Daeun, I-”
“I know you don’t want to talk about it, but this is not the way to cope with whatever may be happening inside you right now.” The tone she uses tells me she isn’t about to back out anytime soon. I hate it, hate how she feels like she can tell me what’s best for me.
“If this is what you came here for then I think it’s best that you leave. I’m not playing around here.” I turn away from the both of them, showing my back instead. This was supposed to be a fun evening to get my mind off him. Turns out, it’s the exact opposite.
“She’s right y/n.” It didn’t sound like Mina initially wanted to talk about this. She has always been unsure of when and how to address things, usually rather staying silent. With the right help however, Mina too will spill her words.
“This will always be a part of your life now, no matter how hard you try to erase it, you can’t. I know you’re hurting, and you’re allowed to feel hurt, we just want to help you. We’ll distract you all you like later, but for now, just confide in us please?”
It’s the way I feel both of their eyes burning into my back, the way she isn’t exactly sure how to convey her thoughts, though has the best intentions, the way a gentle hand softly lands on my shoulder. Sooner or later the dam would have broken. Apparently that time has come.
“I gave up so much for that guy! I moved to a more expensive apartment closer to his so we could see each other more, I started working more hours so he wouldn’t need to pay every time we went out together,” I never really got the chance to complain about the negative side to the changes I made, always feeling like it should be worth it, since I did it for him.
“I studied late into the night just so I had time during the day to hang out with him, do you know how much sleep I lost? I couldn’t even go home to my parents regularly anymore, for the distance was too much.”
Not exactly having expected me to rant so much, the two girls seated next to me stare in surprise. Never have I expressed any discomfort with what I was doing, always plastering a smile on my face.
“I don’t even mind that he broke up with me, I mean I do, but he was so cold! I had done my best to keep things going between us and he just gives me an ‘oh I don’t like you anymore’ like it’s common sense. I didn’t even get a thank you for all those years or a sorry for breaking it off! I just wish he’d…”
I take in a deep breath after having forgotten to breathe for the past minute, all the tears I kept in finally making an appearance as my anger get replaced by the same sadness I felt all those days ago.
“I just wished he’d at least given me reassurance I hadn’t been a waste of his time.”
The volume in which I spoke had drastically lowered, coming out in an almost-whisper. All the objects in front of me blurred as a non-stop stream of tears made it’s way out, my cries just mere silent sobs.
The hand resting on my shoulder becomes an arm pulling me into her side, the rough material of her shirt revealing her identity. Daeun doesn’t say anything as her other hand strokes through the strands of my hair, detangling any knots on the way.
For a moment I feel guilty about the tears wetting her shirt. It’s when she pulls me against her a little tighter that the feeling disappears, giving me the opportunity to fully bask in her embrace.
“I’m so sorry sweetheart.” Feeling left out, Mina pats my thigh and breaks the silence. “You worked hard didn’t you? Because you loved him.” I can hear her clothes rustling first, before her arms too wrap around the space Daeun left.
“I still do.” No matter how much I try to forget about him, I can’t seem to do it. He has engraved himself into my mind, forever stuck. If he’d ever leave is a mystery, though for now, it seems impossible.
You know what? Fuck you Kim Taehyung.
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“Dude, what do you want for your birthday?” It’s Jungkook who has slammed down my door and completely disturbed my peace.
“Huh? Nothing in particular really.” Despite the rude entrance, I don’t look up from my tv screen, having already gotten used to the lack of announcements before he comes in.
“Didn’t you ask me that already two days ago?” Once again ignoring any form of politeness, the younger one makes grabby hands towards the bag of potato chips laying next to me. I don’t make any move to stop him, knowing very well I can’t win from him in a fight, ever.
“Yeah because I thought maybe you changed your mind. Usually you’re so excited for your birthday, but you just seem so… Unenthusiastic?” There is almost no way to take him seriously when he’s scarfing down my dear food like it’s water. Surely when were out next time I’ll make him get me a new bag.
“Well yeah that’s because…” What exactly was I going to say?
Finally grabbing his full attention, Jungkook puts down the bag of chips and lets himself fall down next to me. “Because?”
There is no mistaking his smirk for a smile, although he does his damn best to hide it. He knows exactly what I was about to say, and I’m not about to admit anything.
“Because I realized it’s nothing to be overly excited about. That’s it.” Challenging Jungkook to prove me wrong I stare right back at him, not planning on chickening out any time soon. It seems to have worked, as he looks away first.
“Ah is that so? I’ll just see if I can find something you’ll like myself in that case.” The boy who has silently admitted defeat removes himself from the couch, moving to his room at the other side of our apartment.  “Good luck buddy.”
No longer having to pay attention to him, I rewind the movie I was watching back. That muscle bunny just made me miss the absolute best part.
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“So why exactly are you dragging me to town again?”
It’s not too busy today, which should have been a given as it’s a normal weekday. Everyone is either yawning behind a desk or running around in circles depending on their career choices. Compared to them, I’m making the worst possible choice by letting my best friend convince me to skip class for a reason I wasn’t even familiar with.
“I’m having none of this ‘I don’t care what you get me’ nonsense. We’re going to find something you like, and that’s why we’re here.” Jimin takes a pause from pulling me along by hand to put both of his on his waist like a proud toddler.
“So in other words, we’re here so I can choose my own birthday gift?” Slowly I begin to understand how much of a waste of my time this is. I could’ve been doing fine trying to understand whatever Mrs. Wilson wanted to go over today, but instead I’m going to be reminded of my ex all day. Great.
Well, if she was still here it wouldn’t have mattered whether I knew what I wanted or not, she always had something great for me, and I always looked forward to it. Once she jokingly told me how she felt pressured, having to live up to my expectations. Though honestly there was nothing for her to live up to, I liked her gifts because she gave them to me. Because she always managed to make each and every birthday a fun one.
“Any ideas yet? Jewellery, clothes, games… Wait, nothing too expensive, I’ll go broke!” Jimin’s sudden panic manages to bubble up a chuckle in me. He doesn’t really seem to appreciate it though, as he scowls at the sound. “What? Your taste is too expensive!”
He knows me well it seems. Not that it was ever a real secret. When the contents of your closet is worth more than someone’s rent several times anybody would want to show that off right? Well so do I.
We walk into several stores for inspiration. No real shopping haul, just a quick in and out with Jimin trying to get a reaction out of me by stuffing things he thinks I like into my face. So far no real success, my only reaction being something along the lines of ‘ah yes that looks nice’ at everything he proposes.
It’s not like I’m purposefully trying not to find something I truly like, but more that honestly nothing catches my interest. And I promise it’s not even the price, some of my most prized possessions are the cheapest things I own. This just isn’t doing it for me.
After having been pulled into the what feels like the hundredth store, my stomach decides to make the loudest noise known to mankind. “Can we like, maybe take a break?” There is no doubt that my face is bright red at this moment, instantly heating up when Jimin laughs equally as loud.
“If you were hungry you should’ve just said so. Let’s go find something to eat.” Is probably the only sentence he said today that I’ve fully agreed on.
It sounded so easy, just find somewhere to buy food. Unfortunately, getting our tummies filled wasn’t written in our future so soon. No matter where we look, everything is either closed or completely full with customers. Who knew so many other people were hungry at this moment. Not like it’s close to dinner time or anything.
Eventually, I manage to convince Jimin to eat at a small fancy restaurant down the street on my expense. Despite him agreeing after a few attempts, a set pout is still present on his face, which doesn’t seem to be leaving anytime soon. Together with some murmurs about how this isn’t fair, he makes himself look incredibly adorable.
Soon however, I would come to regret my decision. The fancy tablecloths and nicely plated food wouldn’t be looking so appealing anymore. Because even if I had convinced my mind of the truth my constant lies hold, there was simply no way for me to convince my heart too.
“Hey isn’t that y/n and… I don’t think I know him.”
The male opposite her had somehow won her over with that stupid perfect smile he wore, his eyes an annoyingly beautiful ocean deep blue and his blonde hair styled in an awfully neat way. Everything about the sight annoys the heck out of me, including the way she was smiling back at him. Why does she look so happy? When was the last time I saw her like that?
“Oh are they… I’m sorry Tae.”
I was the one who broke up with her. I was the one who walked out with a load haven fallen off of my shoulders. I was the one who ran even though she cried. There is no reason for me not to be completely fine.
“I don’t care, she can do whatever she wants now.”
So then why am I the one hurting this much?
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It came sooner than expected, my birthday. Just sort of snuck up on me. After the restaurant incident Jimin himself magically decided to end the shopping trip and go home to eat. Nobody ever mentioned my birthday again in the following days.
It was pretty clear that someone had told the others about what happened, although none of them spoke about it. That someone obviously being Jimin.
“Soooo… any plans for the day?”
The question comes from Jungkook, who is fidgeting with the hem of his oversized hoodie. He stands quietly in the doorway to my room, waiting for an answer he already knows.
“Go to class and study after.”
“You’re not going out of the house? No party planned?” The suffocating nervosity radiates off of him in waves, displayed by the still ongoing fidgeting and his eyes that can’t seem to focus on one thing at a time.
“Nope, no other plans.” I sit up in bed, slowly coming to terms with the fact that I won’t be getting any more sleep. Despite him looking like he’s scared I’m going to get mad, he doesn’t actually give up, which isn’t appreciated on my part.
“Well the boys thought we could maybe go out together, get a few drinks.” On any other day besides my birthday I would’ve most likely agreed to the plan. Today however, I can’t help but relate every proposition to my birthday, which I, in case you hadn’t noticed yet, want to forget about as soon as possible.
I had already given him enough opportunities to stop. All it would take was leaving me alone. His constant persistence ends up getting to me, successfully causing me to snap at the younger boy. If he expected an outburst, he’s getting it.
“Why the fuck does everyone expect me to celebrate today? If my birthday is the day on which I can do whatever shit I want then let me do whatever I want!” It wasn’t meant to come out that way, and the guilt sets in the moment I realize it, but I don’t have time to apologize.
“Dude, you seriously need to do something about your feelings for y/n.” He sighs the words as he casually leans against the wall, his arms crossed. In an instant the awkward energy around him disappears, replaced by a very prominent eye roll. It’s not hard to guess that this has been on his mind for a while.
“Don’t mention her. This has nothing to do with her.”
“This has everything to do with her and you know it.”
I don’t have anything to say against that. We both know it’s the truth, though only one of us is trying to deny it. The dumb one.
“You know what I think? You spent your past 6 birthdays with the girl of your dreams and now that you pushed her away you have no idea what to do. Am I right?”
He is. I don’t say anything as my head lowers, slowly realizing there is no hiding anything from him. She’s still on my mind. I still wonder what she’s doing, where she is, if she’s safe. I still care. “You’re right.”
I broke up with who I considered my other half, convincing myself that I didn’t need her anymore. Who exactly was I trying to protect?
“I had to, I’ll hurt her.” I already did.
“And suddenly breaking up with her is supposed to make her happy?” I was hoping it would in the long run.
“You’re not the same as him.” Though I am. The same parents, the same group of friends growing up, the same sense of humour. We got along so well. What if we still do?
“He’s my brother Kook. We were so alike. You know he once too adored her.” We don’t talk anymore, I’m disappointed in him. He would’ve been too. I don’t understand what changed.
“He used her, nobody saw it coming. The signs were there, he just hid them too well.” Jungkook leaves his spot against to wall to comfort me, tucking my head into his neck.
“You’re not him and he isn’t you. The fact that you no longer want to be associated with him proves everything. He didn’t care about Hyeon.” So he can look straight at me, he pushes me away with his hands on my shoulders. The expression on his face tells me he’s serious.
“You love her, and you’ve got to fix this mess.”
I don’t like agreeing with him, but once again, he’s right.
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As soon as I open the door I want to slam it right back into his face. Or I might want to run into his arms, I can’t decide yet. Regardless, I wasn’t expecting Taehyung to be standing on the other side when the doorbell went off.
“Umm… Hi?” All the words that have been building up in my personal dictionary seem to disappear the moment I lay my eyes on him. He still looks as good as the last time I saw him, even though the circumstances were heart-breaking.
“Hey, um I’m sorry I showed up unannounced. I didn’t really think this through…” Everything about him screams awkward. From the way his feet are pointed slightly more inwards than normally, to the way he doesn’t seem to be able to smile naturally. Instead there is this weird, tight expression on his face.
“Oh um… Would you like to come in though?” I don’t wait for an answer as I step aside, my memory helping me remind that nine out of ten times the answer to that question is ‘yes’. “Oh yeah, thank you.”
“Do you want anything to drink?” Not really having anything to say I cycle through the set few sentences I usually need when I have someone over. I’m not happy that he’s here, but I’m not the type to lash out at people.
“Ah no, I’m okay. Look I’m just going to get straight to the point, I messed up big time. I got insecure and closed myself off to everyone including you and I’m so fucking sorry that I did.”
My lack of reaction surprises me. Sure, my insides are doing somersaults, but I don’t feel the need to express any of it. Like an unused sheet of paper, my face stays blank. “And now you’re here to win me back I presume?”
Somewhere in between his statement and mine, the tables shifted. Slowly, I’m gaining the confidence he is losing.
“Well, not really, I mean yes, but-”
He catches himself rambling, shutting his mouth before any real nonsense can make it out. Taking a deep breath helps, the words coming out more fluently after. Not a great start, but it’s okay. I have patience. Sometimes.
“I just wanted to let you know that the words I shot at you that day weren’t true. I hurt you and I didn’t want those words to roam your mind not knowing they weren’t even close to what I was feeling.”
The deep breath he drew in earlier escapes in a deep sigh, followed by his mouth opening and closing a few times without any sounds making it out. “And?” It was meant as a way to encourage him to continue. Sadly, it came out rather rude.
“I do still care about you, damn I still love you more every day. If there is anything I can do to make it up to you please let me know, I don’t want to have to live in a world where my last words to you made you cry. Obviously I would want a second chance at being the proper lover you deserve, but you’re in charge here. If you want me to walk out the door I will.”
There’s a hopeful look in his eyes making my heart beat erratically. In the past I would’ve instantly dropped to my knees, making sure every wish of his came true. I am no longer that girl.
“Tae it’s been months, you can’t just suddenly drop by and tell me you’re sorry. I spent days wondering why you broke up with me, wailing over the fact that you suddenly just didn’t care anymore, and even now you’re not giving me an answer. Why did you suddenly turn your back on me? Why did you not talk to me about whatever was bothering you? Even now you’re making me feel like you couldn’t trust me. Fuck, you just left me there like I was a piece of trash!”
What was once a hopeful look in his eyes, turned into defeat. He won’t give me an answer.
“You can’t just come in here exclaiming to love me after I’ve worked so hard to get myself over you. You can’t just come in here trying to steal my heart when I’m learning to give it to somebody else.”
“The blonde haired dude?”
Perhaps I shouldn’t feel a sense of accomplishment at the clear jealousy in his voice. However, this man did break my heart in two for apparently no reason. Is it weird I would want to get back at him a little?
“His name is Yejun and he’s a great guy. Look, just leave please. I have nothing more to say or hear. We’re done.” Turning away from him I mark the end of this conversation. It takes a while before there is any movement behind me. Slow steps make their way to the front door before pausing.
“I hope he treats you well, but I’m not going to simply give up on you like that.”
And secretly, I was hoping he wouldn’t.
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Two, three four days, before I realize it it has been an entire week since I last saw him. Some part of me is scared, scared that he has decided otherwise and I will never hear from him again.
I had told myself getting over him would be easy when I finally accepted the help of my friends, and for a while it was. Or so I thought, because the moment he walked in here I was right back to square one.
I’m in the middle of working on a new project when the doorbell rings. Standing up, I go to open the door wondering who it could be. If he had come back for me after all. Too bad I would soon be disappointed, as the man standing in front of my door was just an ordinary mailman.
“Umm I didn’t order anything?” My eyes fall on almost gigantic package behind the man. If I ordered some furniture I would’ve surely remembered right?
“Are you not y/f/n y/l/n?”
“No I am.”
“It clearly has your name and address on it miss.”
The building up confusion hasn’t left my head yet, but knowing there is nothing else I can do I decide to accept the package. After thanking the courier I close the door and carefully carry the big box into my living room.
The moment I open the big thing up, a bunch of big balloons float up to my low ceiling. There’s a transparent one with little hearts bouncing around inside, one that’s just one big heart itself, another one has the words ‘I love you’ written on it in a neat font. If I hadn’t checked my calendar this morning I would’ve thought it was valentine’s day.
Diving deeper into the box I find a relatively big fluffy teddy bear, hugging what seems to be a letter in a white envelope.
‘When I was 16 a miracle happened, I met the most beautiful girl. Me not being able to contain myself I immediately introduced myself to her. She said he name was y/n. I think it was back then that I decided her voice was my favourite. I was too much of a coward to ask her out at the time. I eventually did, though looking back I wish I did so sooner. There was never a boring day with her by my side.’
That’s all there is. Just a few words on an otherwise empty piece of paper. No signature at the bottom, no name, and still I knew exactly who wrote it.
The next day another package came in. This time a different set of balloons, a different stuffed animal, but the exact same white envelope.
 ‘When I was 22 my brother and his fiancée broke it off. Just like the piece of shit I have to call my dad he betrayed his partner’s trust, cheating on her without a second thought. My mother heard about it and accused both of us as being just like our father. You know after a while, I really started believing her.’
Each day a new box would come in, always containing a present with a letter attached.
‘I was terrified of hurting you, terrified of you seeing me the way my mom did, so I hid everything from you. I should’ve known that I can’t hide anything, you know me too well. I panicked and left you, the biggest mistake I could ever make. One that made everything that was already happening so much worse. I tried telling myself I didn’t need you, but I just couldn’t.’
I believed him, believed in the words he wrote down.
‘I’m so fucking sorry for everything I put you through. It’s all my fault and I’ll spend forever owning up to my mistakes. I love you and I don’t want to live without you. Please just give me one more chance to prove myself to you. One is all I need.’
I’m sorry Yejun, I can’t forget about him after all.
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Actually he should be the one who is nervous, and well maybe he is, but I’m the one standing on his front porch with my knees shaking and my heart beating right out of my chest. At one point I was even scared he would be able to hear me through the door.
Shaking my head I gather all the courage I can to knock on his door before I turn around and run back in the direction I came from. However, when I hear the sound of my fist on the hard wood I briefly still consider hiding somewhere.
Luckily I don’t get the chance to. While still going back and forth between the options staying or coming back some other time, the door creaks. I stiffly force my hands to stay still at my sides. The time it takes for the door to actually open seems like an entirety. If you were to count the passing seconds it would at most be like 5, which doesn’t sound like much, it feels like much.
“y/n?” His stance looks like a ‘what are you doing here?’, but his eyes give more of a ‘please say you’re here to forgive me’. Well, the latter would be right. “Can I come in?”
“Y-yeah of course.”
It’s not hard to notice that he is uncertain of his actions. It pleases me on one hand, as it gives me some sort of confirmation that he doesn’t want to make any more mistakes around me. On the  other hand, I don’t like seeing him uptight around me. I wish he was more comfortable when I’m near.
“I received the letters you wrote.” He knows I received his letters, he was the one who wrote them and sent them out. Surprisingly though, he almost audibly swallows at the information like he did something bad.
“Why couldn’t you tell me in person?” It takes me back to the day he suddenly landed on my doorstep. Even when I explicitly asked for it, he gave me nothing.
“I was scared, I couldn’t get the words out. I wasn’t at all prepared.” He takes a pause before continuing. “It’s not that I don’t trust you, I just didn’t know what else to believe at that point.”
Carefully, I reach out my hand to place on top of his laying on his lap. I don’t touch his skin yet, patiently waiting for him to give me some sort of consent. It comes in the form of him softly raising his hand to meet mine.
“I know, we all have our insecure times. You’re not obligated to tell me anything. I can’t and shouldn’t force you to. I’m sorry I doubted you. I was only upset about the way you left.”
“I know, I’m sorry. I thought that if your last memory of me was a bad one you’d forget me faster.”
It didn’t work the way he wanted it to, but he already knows. Already having been hit with that fact multiple times, I decide to spare him. I don’t mention it again.
“Did you ever stop loving me?” At the time it seemed like he did. Like he wasn’t simply acting, like those harsh words were what he truly felt. “Be honest please.” I don’t want any more lies. I’ll accept whatever comes out, even if it throws me right back to where I started.
“I-I don’t know… I really thought my mother was right. That what I had for you wasn’t what it seemed to be.” His gaze briefly drifts to the ground, before focussing on our touching hands. Like magic, the uncomfortableness he was feeling seems to shift. “No matter what she or I tried to convince myself of, something was always missing. I couldn’t put a mask over my own hurting and guilt anymore.”
He spoke the truth. Well at least I think he did. And so I accepted it.
“Okay, thank you for telling me.”
This talk was long overdue. Something we both needed and completely missed. No screaming, no crying, no accusing. If only it went this way from the start. We’re not all perfect though. Even if someone out there is, I’m not, he isn’t. They must be laughing at us.
“Your letters were cheesy. The gifts too.” I’m not sure if this is me trying to lighten the mood, or if I’m just stating facts. Regardless, it makes the both of us smile.
“I know. But you love cheesy things, like the roses I buy you on special occasions.” When he looks back at me I have to resist the urge to jump on him. The smile he wears look good on him. It’s been a while since I’ve seen it. “You know me too well.”
“Well did they work?”
I had already made up my mind a few days back. While staring at the floating balloons occupying my living room I had decided for myself that he’s worth it. He is.
Tilting my head up like I’m still thinking, I make clear ‘hmm’ sound. I had thought that the answer is quite obvious, seeing as I came to him myself, but when doubt takes away his smile I drop the act. I’ve been through enough. We’ve both been through enough.
“Yeah, yeah it did.”
Unlike myself, he doesn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around me. Burying his head in the crook of my neck like he used to do, he lets out a few low ‘thank you’s’. It doesn’t take me long to return the hug, feeling just as safe with him as I used to.
“What about.. Ah I forgot his name.” It’s not hard to guess who he’s hinting at, the sourness in his voice giving him away. I understand, I wouldn’t like it either.
“I ended things.” His answer just comes in the for of a small nod. There is no need for anything more.
“I honestly thought you were going to reject me again.” He ends his sentence with a chuckle and completely relaxes in my hold. Now that the tension is gone, we can go back to where we left off, slowly rebuilding what was lost.
“I was just playing with you, I’m sorry. But no more being an asshole okay? I promise I will kick your ass.” My giggling might undermine the threat a little to others. Luckily, he knows I’m serious.
“I will give you full permission to, but you’ll never have to. I’m going to dump so much love on you that you’ll regret ever even thinking about taking me back. You’re stuck with me now though, so you better be prepared.”
Pulling himself back a little, he plants a gentle kiss on my lips. And then another one, a second one, three more, each kiss more passionate than the last. A fire spreads throughout my body, burning away the few doubts I had left with success. Eventually, to my dismay, I have to pull back for air. Damn humans for needing oxygen.
“Oh? I’d like to see you try.”
Just in case you were wondering, I never did regret it.
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new-anon · 4 years
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hi! have you seen the new episode of the mandalorian yet? if so, what are your thoughts?
Anonymous asked
Thoughts on [REDACTED] [REDACTED] in the mandalorian?
Obvious Mandalorian S2 spoilers under the cut!
Anonymous asked
Thoughts on ahsokas look in the mandalorian?
Just wanna start by saying that my expectations have been pretty lowkey thoughout The Mandalorian, so I’m afraid my opinions are kinda open ended 😅😅
The thing I’m actually most critical about (in general) is the cinematography/editing/direction, and for this episode was kinda disappointing lol,,, The fight scenes were also a bit... hmm 😐
I was kinda spoiled on Ahsoka’s debut in this episode by a few posts being really disappointed by her design, namely her montrals+lekku. It would’ve been awesome if they were more pronounced; her overall head/face appearance (in general) did take some time to get used to, but I eventually warmed up to it.
I don’t doubt the MUA team really wanted to make taller montrals and longer lekku, so obviously a compromise had to be made (for action or whatever). Yeah they probably didn’t have to be that short, and the makeup could’ve been waaay better, but overall a very cool looking live-action interpretation.
I was kinda hoping Ahsoka would’ve accepted to train Baby Yoda/Grogu (goodness knows this menace child desperately needs a master), and I think that’s what we were all expecting which is probably why the writers denied us of that chance ahahaha. I’m torn between wanting more Ahsoka/Jedi content, and also being worried that path will stray too much away from the space cowboy vibe we got going on (also unsure how this feels like we’re turning into SW: Rebels)?
The ending with them parting ways could also just be an excuse for the show to not go balls-deep into Jedi territory just yet. I do hope it was the writer’s intention for Ahsoka’s decision to not train Grogu, to have stemmed from her own fears of not wanting to create another ‘Anakin-Vader’ situation, rather than this episode being a one-off marketing scheme cameo.
This show all has to link up to be canon-compliant with the sequel trilogy somehow, and I’ve always wondered how/why Disney would create a character (Grogu) that seems so special/exceptional/unique in this universe but not have them play a key role in the future of the galaxy/force/etc. when all that stuff was going down in the new movies.
It might be a nice character arc for Ahsoka to eventually agree to training Grogu, finally coming to terms with what happed to Anakin, letting go of that guilt, and realising it was her own fear that prevented her from training Grogu in the first place (rather than Grogu’s emotions/fear that she thought would make him untrainable). That way Ahsoka can take Grogu to train him on nomadic Jedi adventures!!! And they can happily ignore the dumpster fire that is the rise of Palpatine and another badboy Skywalker.
I do have another theory about where Grogu might ultimately go if he is to fulfil his ‘Jedi’ potential, but I doubt Disney will do it, and it doesn’t have a happy ending :D!
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I did plan on giving Fate a chance but the casting continues to irk me. As a black fan of winx I was thrilled when they didn’t white-wash Aisha. But I can’t celebrate now because they did Flora and Musa so dirty 🥴 like if you’re going to get rid of the only Latina winx then why not get a Latina actress to play the new character? I’m also bitter about Musa, the Asian community was very vocal about the damage erasure does after the whole Scarlet J situation. Idk what are your thoughts?
Scarlet Johansson is dying her hair black to play Musa as we speak
lol this turned out waaay longer then I expected so it’s a readmore kind of post
My feelings on Fate are complicated to say the least.  I follow almost all the cast and I really enjoy them.  They seem to have a great chemistry which should translate to film well.  I think Abbey will be great as Bloom.  I love Precious (Aisha) and Danny (Sky) and am so excited to see them in the series.
I’m kind of shocked they didn’t whitewash Aisha or cut her out entirely considering she wasn’t in S1 - I can only assume someone at Netflix sat Iginio down and told him that was a bad idea because (obligatory BOING BOING afro scene yikes here).  But that being said - why pull this shit with Flora and Musa?  Musa especially, who has never been portrayed as less Asian in promotional art or the like.  And not to be all #conspiracy, but I have to assume her agency at least knew what they were doing, considering her bio used to list her as Singaporean and now doesn’t.  That puts her in much worse light for me than Eliot, who may not have realized this was Flora because the character had a different name, meanwhile you can google Musa and clearly see she’s Asian.  Time will only tell how true that is, maybe more information will come out the closer we get to airdate (which is supposedly in January of ‘21).
I want to be clear that I’m not trying to make excuses for Eliot or Elisha (Terra and Musa, respectively), but the situation is more complicated now because we’re dealing with real people.  We can’t tell Elisha how to identify herself, and we don’t know to what extent Eliot knew her role was Flora with a new coat of paint.  Eliot especially I’m hesitant to say a lot on due to her quitting IG (apparently from harassment from Winx fandom, because let’s be honest, the Winx fandom knows how to harass people).  I don’t know why people who are so mad at them aren’t equally mad at Kate Ringsell, the casting director for the series, like I am.  Or the production crew who thought this was a good idea (IT WAS NOT A GOOD IDEA).  There’s a lot of blame pie to go around.
In the end I’m honestly confused by the decision.  So many magical girls shows (until recently) have had casts of all one race (because they’re anime) or with the Token Minority.  It’s what made Winx stand out when it was first released, and it’s what it should have done to keep up with the diverse casts that are lowkey expected in teen-aimed shows right now.  Like what, Netflix thought ‘eh there’s only 1 black kid in Stranger Things, one of our most popular shows, that should work fine for Winx too?’
I’m really disappointed in decision like so many others.  I do want to try and give them the benefit of the doubt with the Terra situation, because it honestly seems like there might be more than went into her change then they’re letting on right now (because Flora is one of the top 3 girls they market with Bloom and Stella so taking her out seems strange), but there’s not enough information right now.  I will say at this point I’m still planning on watching the series, out of morbid curiosity and to roast it more than anything else, but I totally get people who don’t want to.  And I have a feeling when the first trailers drop there is going to be a lot more uproar over Elisha playing Musa as casual fans who lost touch with the show find out what’s happened.
That is if Netflix even markets it.  Who fuckin knows with them.
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kendrixtermina · 5 years
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The Team Dynamics of the Three Houses
Essay time! =D
Part One: Team Makeup and Thematic Framework Blue Lions
Overarching Theme: Classic basic fantasy archetypes but with a dark twist (We have Prince Charming/ Guilt-ridden softboy standard-issue JRPG protagonist, Handsome Lech/Idiot Friend, Standoffish Rival, Gentleman Thief, Lady Knight, Sweet nice healer, Adorable spellcaster Girl, the Gentle Giant etc. )
Composition: Has the most people with crests, and the one guy with a naturally occurring major crest. Foreshadows how the crest obsession is particularly bad here, due to Faerghus’ harsh environment and a society that’s both religious and has a serious element of hero worship
History: Notably the most tight-knit group. Everyone knows each other already. It’s basically Dimitri, Dimitri’s longtime best friends, the daughter of Dimitri’s former instructor who heard lots of stories about him and her super nice BFF who gets along with everyone... and Ashe, who didn’t know the others until the academy, but since he is a honest sweety who loves cooking and knight stories, he hits it off with the others right away. 
Atmosphere: Everyone has kind of the same hobbies (cooking, handicrafts, weapons collecting, knight stuff) and a lot of history, some posters have remarked on missing the “family ambiente” in the other routes but since the bonds are stronger they’re also more charged, it’s also been said that it’s the group with the most inter-team drama, especially when you feature in their relatives - You have Dimitri’s whole character arc, all the family drama between the Fraldariuses and the Dominics, Ingrid’s hangups regarding poor Dedue etc.
As expected if you recruit any of them they’ll kinda have a hard time going after their old home, even the tsundere ones. 
The Leader’s position: For all that Dimitri’s friends refuse to drop his honorifics they really are his friends. They’re just all kinda polite with the obvious exception of Felix, and he’s largely tsundere. Despite the afore mentioned drama we see plenty of Dimitri just hanging out with his friends and even coming to them for help, he’s really just one of the bunch . 
Since Faerghus is in chaos everyone’s pinning a lot of hopes on Dimitri and it’s not like he’s completely unaware of that or doesn’t have the corresponding sense of duty, he’s always torn between that and his revenge plan which eventually just takes over. He pursues this entirely on his own, too, with not even Dedue knowing what he’s sneaking around the library for. 
How this “flavors” part one: Gives it a very “personal” touch. Faerghus, it’s culture, recent past and current state of chaos are fleshed out a lot (we learn plenty about the Alliance and the Empire but Claude and Edelgard have greater scope plans) and since a lot of the part I missions concern the instabilities in the kingdom they affect the characters directly. Basically since they’re more “regular” fantasy protagonists we gotta hit em all with the Drama hammer to keep things fresh. And that’s how it continues - They follow Dimitri because of personal loyalty (both toward him specifically, and because it’s in their culture), and Dimitri just wants to protect (or avenge) the people he cares about. 
How this Ties into The Themes: The Kingdom route eventually becomes very much a Power of Friendship story where they all stick it out with Dimitri in his time of need because he’s their friend and they want to be there for him and that makes a lot more sense if there was a big emphasis on friendship/ found family before that, and of course their friendship is what eventually helps him turn his life around. 
How does Byleth fit into this: Dimitri, like Hubert and Leonie, can be filed into the box of those who aren’t immediately awed by their heroic charisma. He doesn’t really get people who aren’t as outwardly expressive as him (eg. Edelgard) But unlike, say, Leonie, Dimitri has no settings between crushkilldestroy and stilted politeness and seldom expresses or responds to overt hostility most of the time. On the one hand there’s a side to him that’s a bit judgemental and vindictive, but that extends to himself too so he’s very ashamed of his flaws and is afraid that he won’t be accepted, so he projects outward that same acceptance that he likes to receive.
So the end result is that he goes out of his way to befriend Byleth, he encourages everyone to speak with them in a familiar manner, insists that they join the victory celebrations etc. Then of course he gets to see that they’re actually quite supportive and so in time they become, as Dimitri puts it “the heart of the group”.
By the time they find out that Dimitri ever disliked them, that’s long past. He’s a very high-empathy, emotional person so once he likes you he really likes you and will regard your troubles like his own. Some ppl might say that maybe the bond feels more special since it took longer to “earn”. He’s practically ready to swear a blood oath with them once Jeralt dies.  There’s an unappreciated Symmetry here like he goes through the trouble to ‘defrost’ them, and then they return the favor by supporting him through his difficult times when they perhaps get to see the ugliest side of him.
Further Dynamic Notes:
So you have a dynamic of working past/ understanding and accepting each other despite one’s flaws and differences. (whereas Claude and Edelgard are interested in Byleth right away, because they’re unusual, but in slightly different ways - Claude can kinda relate to the experience of sticking out itself but is still stumped by being unable to read them, whereas Edelgard sticks out in the same way  so you’re actually on the same wavelenght to begin with)
“opposites attract” specifically in the way that they balance each other out. A cool steadfast leader type certainly has a grounding effect on Dimitri as a very reactive person, but he also pulls them into the ‘normal’ world a bit after they spend all this time just wandering the world like all places are the same to them. They basically put the magic destiny on the backburner to help him out. They still become archbishop and all to fit the standard fantasy look of it all but not like full messiah like on the church route
Even after the timeskip Byleth kinda plays the mentor role or at least that of the dominant person/ big spoon in the relationship (though Dimitri ends up waaay taler than them especially fem Byleth), “Excuse me this is my emotional support mercenary”
If you go the platonic route you very much stay at „mentor“, Byleth is basically the brains of the operation post timeskip ‘cause the old Mitya can‘t come to the phone right now and Gilbert and Rodrigue would follow him off a cliff
Plot wise, their contribution is to stop the revenge trip when it gets to be a too obvious kamikaze stunt, which they, as a relative outsider to Faerghus and experienced, pragmatic fighter, would do when someone like Gilbert would not
Character journey wise, they refuse to give up on Dimitri and still see the good in him so that he eventually comes to a point where he could envision his own redemption/ come to accept/forgive himself and learn that its okay to move on and live his own life
Byleth can be said to somewhat even out the flaws in everyone‘s leadership styles (while the house leaders help Byleth find their own direction – i didnt come up with this alone there was a brilliant post a while ago that i cant find rn) – In Dimitri‘s case, he has authority/credibility/integrity („Pathos“), being the rightful king with many loyal followers,  and emotional/ personal leadership as an emphatetic person who inspired respect for his character („Ethos“) but is lacking in plans („Logos“)
Golden Deer
Overarching Theme:  Ragtag Bunch of misfits /Unlikely Heroes (let’s see, we have trickster turned lying politician, upper-class twit turned opportunistic conservative, lazy rich girl,  shy glasses boy and his best friend dumb muscle, cursed werewolf girl, stuckup teen genius and the mean money obsessed one )
Composition: Has the most honest-to-goodness commoners - and they largely got in on their own merits, too, while almost all the others had connections. You have a few peeps from the Alliance’s prominent merchant class and one completely ordinary village person whose father was a simple hunter. 
History: Bar the two merchant kids none of them know each other and even they’ve been a little estranged since the demise of Rafael’s parents. There are a few backstory connections (Such as Lorenz’ dad basically having murdered everybody’s dead relatives, or Leonie’s village being in his territory) but they’re largely indirect. They come from a range of different backgrounds and life experiences. Even Claude just showed up the year before and doesn’t know anybody. Of course this is all so you can watch them grow into a team on-screen all leading up to Claude’s epic speech about how they got along despite being from different backgrounds (or be surprised if they show up as one post-timeskip)  
Unlike Dedue or Hubert, Hilda can still be napped early on because she doesn’t really become Claude’s right-hand person until halfway through part oneIf you recruit any of the deer they’ll say that they didn’t have that much ties to their homeland anyways. 
Atmosphere: These are definitely Garreg Magh’s party animals.  Or like a bunch of theatre kids. They’re tremendous fun. “Less complicated” as Claude puts it though some have missed the intensity/drama of the other bunches. The Alliance itself might be full of political intrigues but this younger generation is fairly chill with the important exceptions that are Leonie and Lysithea but Leonie’s lack of chill is largely Byleth-specific, she’s plenty chill in her other supports, and though Lysithea probably donated all the extra chill for the other deer and hence doesn’t have any left, the others  love her anyways wether she wants to or not because try as she might she can’t really get an argument out of them. 
This certainly jives well with Claude’s “friendly surface level extrovert” gimmick they all get along on a surface level and you’ll be hard-pressed to find an ounce of social skills in the Black Eagle house, and the Lions have the Drama Moments, but some have also perceived the deer as not quite as open. 
At the same time they’re not superficial. We have a large abundance of Artsy Ones, we have Ignatz, Claude and Lorenz both write poetry, Leonie isn’t good at it but she does draw etc There’s enough insightful ones for depht and insight to be a significant undercurrent in the group dynamics. They all have different sortts of insight - Hilda can read people well, Ignatz has this sort of intuuitive thoughtful understanding, Lysithea is observant and logically astute, Leonie has street smarts etc. 
The Leader’s position: Precarious. No one knows him, no one trusts him. He just showed up one day, very suspicious timing, not long after his uncle dropped dead (that was Lorenz’ dad but it’s not like anyone knows) and then he’s a shifty weirdo who cannot help being slightly unnerving despite his friendly extroverted demeanor. 
Still he’s a big believer in teamwork, appreciates the value in everyone’s perspective and he can do the friendly extroverted charm well enough to eventually win over most people based on that, though its not until waay after the timeskip that he even considers letting anyone past the soft outer layer.  (In Recruited, Raphael remembers him mainly a lover of feats and merriment)
The longer the story goes on the more the Deer transition to being “Claude’s jolly detective bureau” in which he pulls on all their individual insight for maximum info collection. 
How this “flavors” part one:  It’s taken up largely by Claude’s search for information with the various events being seen in that light.
Claude’s first reaction is often to ask questions and be curious with the emotional response hitting him somewhat later, though it’s definitely also that he keeps up a cheerful face for the team. 
Ironically he’s the only one who came to Garreg Magh for it’s intended purpose: To get a ruler’s education and do networking. Dimitri and Edelgard were already onto Thales courtesy of his having killed their families, him searching on his own, her making preparations for her takeover, and Claude doesn’t know - it’s probably a game balance thing because Claude is the smartest person in the game and if he started out with all the info there would be no plot. 
How this Ties into The Themes: It all builds towards Claude’s big speech about people from different backgrounds coming together. It’s like a microcosm for what he wants to do with the world, to bring people from different places and backgrounds together and have them understand each other.
Lorenz takes until halfway through part II to come around, but come around he does. (markedly, this happens only on Claude’s route, otherwise he sticks with the empire out of self-preservation and opportunism, though he gladly jumps ship to join the kingdom. )
How does Byleth fit into this:  Now I‘ve seen some people saying that Claude initially didn‘t like Byleth or just wanted to use them, but I don‘t think that‘s true. I do think he actually liked them, found them interesting and wanted to befriend them. But Claude, on principle, doesn‘t trust easily, and will in any interaction look at how he can use it.
It‘s a habit born out of both natural curiosity and intelligence (What the 12type eneagramm calls a „Mercury“ Personality type) and the need to survive in a hostile environment where people tried to kill him as a child, and as such it‘s automatic second nature. He has a strong overruling self-preservation instinct.  Claude is suspicious and will interogate people completely independent of how much he likes them. No amount of like makes him trust implicitly.
He doesn‘t have a bad impression like Dimitri, but he doesn‘t immediately click like Edelgard and the curve is pretty nonlinear: With Dimitri we have a clear progression from dislike to like and then the reversal where Dimitri had defrosted Byleth and now Byleth must defrost Dimitri. With Edelgard she likes them immediately out of similarity (like Felix likes Byleth, or like Edelgard likes Lysithea and Petra), and the difficulty/drama only comes later when Byleth‘s connection to the church and Edelgard‘s plots become apparent, but mostly she‘s sad that she‘s „destined“ to be enemies with this person she likes, her level of like never goes down. Claude meanwhile – you might compare him with Dorothea. He‘s used to being able to charm people as well as read them, and Byleth is not only a brick wall, but remains one upon closer examination. They really don‘t know about their past – but Claude takes that as evasions and becomes more and more suspicious.
A big turning point here is the Jeralt situation, where Byleth finally opens up and tells him everything, and Claude realizes they‘re not hiding. And that‘s something I really love about their dynamic – Byleth tells him all and Claude is so interested in them and looks out for them.
Though you could assign each of the three a „turning point“ after which they open up - The diary for Claude (which shows him that Byleth really isn‘t hiding anything) Flayn‘s dissapearance for Dimitri (which convinces him that Byleth cares) and the holy tomb scene for Edelgard (which shows her that Byleth won‘t betray her)
Further Dynamic Notes:
Claude and Byleth relate because they both stick out, but it‘s notably about the experience of sticking out in and of itself, whereas in Edelgard‘s case they stick out in the same way. They’re also alike in that they only found out some secrets about themselves when they were already young adults, Byleth’s magical destiny, and Claude finding out he was related to the ruling house. From how he mentions “not being raised in the lap of luxury” and how his royal connections in Almyra are also “distant”, he might in fact have been raised in a normal village and not known he was the king’s bastard son for some time, though once the secret was out he definitely got some princely instruction like training with Nader. 
The dynamic both interpersonally and as an action duo is very much a complementary one. Dimitri is very different and has that sorta morality chain dynamic going on. And though they each have their specialties that the other is lowkey jelly of Edelgard and Byleth actually fill a fairly similar niche as the charismatic superhumanly powerful field commander. Meanwhile with Claude there’s a division of labor: Claude’s the planner and Byleth’s the enforcer. He repeatedly observes that his plans would be way less effective without someone of Byleth’s caliber to carry them out.
Out of the three lords Claude is the only one where you get the sense that Byleth works for Claude post-timeskip or that Byleth becomes his subordinate. Dimitri’s lost without them, and while Edelgard offers them a formal position as royal advisor after the mock battle and gets this line about how they can’t yell orders at her in public now that she’s the emperor, but it’s phrased in such a way to suggest that she just wants them to yell orders at her discreetly. They certainly balance out Claude’s presentability/trustworthyness problem the way that Hubert quickly puts them in charge of morale to patch Edelgard’s PR shortcomings, but Hubert pretty much says this to Byleth’s face whereas Claude is the only one who knows where the ship is going for the majority of verdant wind. And in the end he’s like “Babysit fodlan for me while I finish world peace” He’s also the dominant one on an interpersonal level, he gives Byleth this speech about how they should use their position more confidently and promise to detective out their mysterious past for them. He also tries dropping hints that maybe Rhea’s not to be trusted though Byleth’s dialogue options are written to suggest that they bought her maternal act and want her back – some ppl said but this way really expositions that „well meaning deception“ aspect of Claude‘s character. He frequently steers ppl toward something they don‘t want but with the hope that they‘ll want it eventually. Perhaps he could be said to have a very fluid/dynamic view of things and people; The other two lords view them more as fixed, hence „I respectfully disagree… lets settle this by stabbing each other“ 
The platonic end result is your basic Epic Friendship, tell each other everything, very supportive, look out for each other, take down a zombie warrior together in an epic team attack, what more could you want I think I‘ve made a whole post about what a good friendo Claude is, initial ulterior motives nonwithstanding… He certainly had strategic advantages in the back of his mind but I don‘t think he ever faked liking Byleth
Plot wise, having The Messiah on his team gives Claude a bargaining chip to seize control of the church with its greater influence. On the other routes, he wisely refuses to touch that particular hot potato with a ten foot pole.
Character wise Byleth‘s influence largely serves to mitigate his jaded cynism. He starts to actually believe his far-flung dreams might happen, so he plays far less defensively than on the other routes.
Claude is smart and charismatic („Logos“ and „Ethos“), his main problem is that nobody trusts him. This is a bit more dimensional than just a flaw though, because he hides his real goals (though they are not truly sinister) both to avoid fights with people who would oppose these goals (contrast Edelgard who declares her intentions openly and deals with the fallout, so she has to fight the knights whereas claude manipulates them) and get the chance to gradually convince them and reveal the truth once ppl agree, also he‘s more a tactician than a strategist and often changes his plans in accordance with what he thinks is doable under the circumstances, and not telling what his plans are gives him the freedom to do that – either way, a downside of that is that no one trusts him. He lacks credibility and, having shown up out of nowhere, has less loyalty and support. Byleth, as a chrch-sanctioned charismatic figurehead, naturally mitigates that.
Black Eagles 
Overarching Theme: Subverted Villain tropes. We have Emperor Evulz / mad science supersoldier, Black Mage classic,  Seditious Chancellor Junior, Sexy Mage, Eccentric Scholar, Pretty Barbarian, Fighting Obsessed Blood Knight and Antisocial Sniper
Composition: It‘s nobles all the way down, even the one commoner used to be famous and is from the capital where all the wealthy ppl live (as opposed to the decentralied alliance and the very spartan kingdom nobles) – The capital‘s a heaven for culture and sophistication but you also see the evident elitism/corruption/inequality problem going on. In keeping with Adrestia being more secular, Ferdinand‘s the only one who‘s explicitly stated to be a believer (in the Marianne support) and he‘s not even super devout
One should also appreciate the irony that the side with the ‚saintly‘ crests is now against the church whereas Faerghus, ruled by the descendants of Nemesis‘ former allies and where he used to have his stronghold are now fighting for the church. But should you go with the church route it also makes a kind of sense as they‘d be goig back to the empire‘s distant origins in a sense.
History:  They all vaguely know/ have heard of each other due to their parents being co-workers or living in the same town, many have at least met each other but at the same time they‘re not BFF like the Lions and many take a bit to warm up to each other.
Another thing of note is that while many of the Lions‘ families were also friends and have been associates since the days of Nemesis, many of the backstory connections for the adrestian studenrs would seem to predispose them to being foes rather than friends, half their dads‘ essentially dethroned Edelgard‘s and are various degrees of complicit in what happened to her siblings, Petra was basically taken hostage by the previous administration, Dorothea has good reason to have beef with the local rich people etc
Atmosphere: I‘ve seen some ppl who played the other routes first say things like how they were struck by how individualistic they are and how there‘s far less team cohesion, or how they „all seem to hate each other“ - I don‘t think that‘s correct assesment but they definitely are quirky, independent-minded or both. They scamper off in all directions when introduced and definitely don‘t bother with formal politeness or friendly facades, if they‘re annoyed with you most of them will probably say so. Even Bernie gives Ferdinand a lecture once XD They‘re basically goth. Though I do think it‘s sorely underappreciated that there definitely IS friendship and admiration between them esp. later in the story, admiration & appreciation being key factors especially since they‘re none too easily impressed.
Of course being independent minded makes it likely that they wouldn‘t blindly follow a leader who‘s up to no good, but it would make them just as suitable to participate in a rebellion
Another thing of note is that while the Kingdom nobles all learned to hold sharp objects in the nusery and many of the deer have street smarts or survival experience having had to live through tough circumstances most of the Eagles are complete greenhorns when you first deploy them – sure many have seen their share of effed up stuff but not in a warlike setting. And you have many of the sensitive/reluctant ones like Bernie, Linny and Dorothea. This of course could either make you think twice about the church sending them on missions or predispose you toward Flayns brand of pacifism.
Of course this just leads to Hubert and Edelgard (and to a lesser extent Petra) to clearly stand out as the experienced ones. El-chan and Hubie dear have most definitely killed a man before. The rest of them will definitely have to measure up to pick up the slack after the two of them leave.
The trajectory certainly goes differently, in CF they all return notably more confident after the timeskip (most notably with Bernie) perhaps in keeping with how Edelgard believes in & promotes self-reliance whereas in Silver Snow they never quite stop being like „AAAAA“ though I suppose the point is that they get their act together and do the deed regardless.
The Leader’s position: Absolute both in terms of power (sorry Ferdie) and dynamics. Definite ‚student council president‘ vibe, she largely interacts with them as a taskmaster/ to make them do their homework. She markedly doesn‘t like this and would like to be one of the bunch but genuinely finds it hard to step out of boss mode.
She does try her best to cultivate an equal atmosphere and for what it‘s worth most do drop the honorifics and tell her when they disagree.  
How this “flavors” part one: The emphasis is certainly on expositioning how much everything in the setting sucks especially on the church‘s horribleness, I mean in the end if she‘s essentially like „We‘ve all seen it this past year“ but of course there‘s also definite foreshadowing that sHE is up to something, there‘s certainly peeps who picked her ‚cause she‘s pretty and she looked more put-together/less obviously dodgy than the others but then didn‘t personal taste wise jive with her character. The whole scene after Jeralt‘s death is definitely a point where you either decide you hate her or love her forever; You get both „WTF“ and „I get it“ type of dialogue options.  
How this Ties into The Themes:
No matter what route yo pick you essentially get a story about going your own way and putting right what the previous generations done fucked up – wether they do this by leading Adrestia back to its holy origins, or by backing Edelgard‘s revolution.
On a political level they either go against their homeland or the previous administration, and personally they‘re all sorta expected to take over their parents‘s job and follow these expectations of proper nobility that they have no interest in and many of them renounce their titles or cut ties with their folks. Only Ferdinand particularly wants his fathers job and even them he means to do it very differently. The happy ending, for most of the eagles, is getting to choose their own paths
How does Byleth fit into this: 
Mostly, they shift the team dynamics from Edelgard as the absolute leader in a lofty, distanced position to her coming closer to being „one of the group“ working under Byleth.
There‘s a reason she later names her elite troop the „Black Eagle Strike force“ in honor of their time at the academy. This is almost the bigger difference, because Byleth isn‘t there for the timeskip. The big change is caused by creating this situation where all the black eagles leave with Edelgard, so she knows she can trust them and having real allies needs the slithers less.
It‘s very hard for her to step out of boss mode for reasons ranging from her personality, backstory, monarch obligations and fear of vulnerability, but having Byleth be the boss for once helps. Some of her most formative experiences were a) Her family betrayed by almost all its allies including her own uncle b) being helplessly dragged around as a hostage. She wants to avoid being helpless ever again at all costs and thus grew to be a very proactive decisive adult which is mostly a good thing but can cause her tome come off blunt and unyielding at times. I mean when she‘s worried that Hubert, her best friend, is hiding some worrysome secret from her she‘s like „Tell me that‘s an order!“ and when he expertly sidesteps that (since he knows her well and understands that she wouldn‘t actually force it out of him) she‘s stumped and doesn‘t know how to tell him that she‘s worried about him – and this is a guy she knows since forever. With the other eagles she really looks out for them but can only really show it through her „leader“ persona, she has this one trick, and when it doesn‘t work (like with Caspar or Linhardt who don‘t really want anyone to boss them around or talk politics) she‘s stumped.
This is hugely mitigated when another person of her caliber shows up with whom she can share the responsibility or even leave it to them so she learns to allow herself to be soft and do stuff like admit her doubts, this starts with Byleth but also radiates into the other relationships. See Caspar and Linhard revising their bad first impressions of her later in the support chains
Further dynamics notes:
A recurring theme is being misunderstood (outright stated in the introduction and that one quote by ladislava – and also in the church route dialogues where Seteth says that „the people will never understand her ideals“ ) and finding someone who understands, which is different from Claude and Dimitri who ultimately want the world at large to understand and accept them. Edelgard has given up on that long ago - her version of the „pep talk“ scene implies she thinks its impossible to truly understand anothers sorrow – I like to think that after her siblings died she found great comfort in Hubert being „not much for condolences“ and talking plans rather than sympathies while everyone else was showing pity for something they couldnt understand. Dimitri is basically traumatized (he relates to Dedue about losing everything and thats why they‘re so tight knit), Claude is basically an outcast and relates to all that dont quite fit in, but Edelgard… yes her family‘s dead much like Dimitri‘s, but in addition to that, she has been through an indescribable science fiction fantasy thing that no one has any context for. She views herself as so altered that she considers herself a whole different person and her past self basically dead. Hence someone like Byleth or Lysithea who could relate to all that is very, very tempting to her – we‘re not told if that‘s the truth or just her perception though, Hubert doesn‘t note her being extremly different, and later on she kinda admids that she herself distanced herself from other people.
Likewise the ship dynamic is ‚birds of a feather‘. Edelgard tells you right away: She feels that she and Byleth are similar and is drawn to them because of that. It‘s not just the mad science background,  both are stoic natural leaders with a bit of a dorky side. This goes both ways – While others are often mildly stumped by Byleth, she can read them pretty well and gets a lot of dialoue like „wow you‘re telling the truth“ or „I can tell you‘re lying“ - that happens so often that it‘s even used to hint that she‘s the flame emperor.
If you had to name a dominant person it would probably be Byleth but overall this combination is disntinguished by being relatively equal and balanced. She likes having Byleth‘s support but repeatedly mentions wanting to support Byleth as well  - As she says after the big mock battle, „sometimes its better to have someone to rely on to support each other through the darkness“. Team dynamics wise they feel a similar niche – the abnormally powerful, stoic charismatic leader who inspires many followers and is a gifted field commander. When they‘re not allies they are foils after all. But as pointed out in their A support despite their similarities each of them have their own particular strenghts that the other envies – Byleth is a better tactician and ultimately better at moral support (though their time powers help). On the flipside, Edelgard is more proactive whereas Byleth struggles with that, and at least her 22 year old self probably has more raw strenght (judging by her stats total and how they‘re evenly matched in the church route reunion cinematic though she isn‘t using her preferred weapon)
If you don‘t marry her then the note the A support ends on would suggest that Byleth sorta gets adopted as a honorary big sister/brother with how El asks them to use her childhood nickname and just lampshading the sense of kinship between them – the platonic outcome is a family bond, which buils as much on similarity and alikeness as their romantic outcome
Plot wise, Byleth‘s presence gives Edelgard something that she wouldn‘t otherwise have: Reliable allies. This means not just Byleth themselves, but the other Black Eagles whom she feels are more firmly on her side as they never defended Garreg Mach from her assault. As she puts it when she tries to recruit you as the „Flame Emperor“, the slighterers will go around causinga strocities but with the sword of the creator on her side she could courttail that better and generally has less need to coorperate even for purely pragmatic reasons so she is free to weaken them ahead of time, kills Cornelia right away rather than work with her etc. Interestingly this is why the front lines are actually further back when Byleth returns than they are in the other routes, but then the war ends the quickest.  
Character journey wise, Edelgard goes from being convinced that she has to give up everything to be a tough leader to allowing herself to just be a person, cummulating in the ending where she pulls a washington/cincinatus, abdicates and gets a normal life.
In terms of leadership style, Edelgard has „Logos“ and „Pathos“ to spare, she‘s described as a remarkable leader who inspires remarkable devotion and has a cause/ rationale – but she‘s got her weakness with inspiring loyalty on an interpersonal level. The followers are loyal to the cause – Edelgard herself is perceived as unapproachable and shady/unsavory, see Dimitri‘s rant about how she‘s „strong“, or statements by herself and Ladislava that people tend to misunderstand her. As a superhuman science experiment she is by definition not a „relatable“ leader. So once Byleth proves trustworthy Hubert immediately puts them in charge of morale and of support/pep talking the reluctant recruits.
(In part II we‘ll get into decision making processes but I think here we have to separate by route rather than house since it’s most evident post-timeskip and dependent on plot events.)
Team Dynamics and Decisionmaking
Empire Route
Here, there is a very clear distinction between inner circle and outer circle. Edelgard and Hubert have their own thing going on and once you prove loyal, you’re in, and you get to see a whole different side to both of them, Edelgard lets down her guard, Hubert acts polite and sympathetic where he was previously suspicious and mocking, and they basically tell Byleth everything, including the unsavory pursuits that they keep secret from everyone else – but overall the secrecy, maintained for realpolitik reasons, never truly stops. Basically those three make all the decisions.
Notable is that if you’ve recruited Lysithea she hovers on the threshold between inner and outer circle. She was fed the cover story of the nuke being a church weapon (though she did’t buy it) but WAS told about the secret assault on Arianrhod. This is prolly cause Edelgard likes her, she can become her main advisor in their paired ending.
Kingdom Route
Dimitri describes himself as as someone who thinks change should come from the people and that the leadership should serve them, for all that he prefers to uphold the basic order of society, and this is reflected in his leadership style – though this also reflects that he is a ‚people person‘ rather than a planner, so the plans are left to his advisors like Byleth, Gilbert and Rodrigue. He is more the emotional/ spiritual lynchpin than the mind or will of the group.
In Azure Moon, especially later on, the decisions are really made by the entire group and you see them considering their next step together. Dimitri spills the backstory as soon as it comes up, telling everyone about his relationship with Edelgard for example.
In early part 2 this is at an extreme in that Byleth, Rodrigue and Gilbert are de facto making the decisions and Dimitri is at best a grumpy figurehead that they‘re putting up because they need him as a symbol, but at the same time he doesn‘t really compromise on his revenge obsession and is just dragging the whole team along/ not really reacting to how they are making him the lynchpin for their hopes. (though it is important to note that he didn‘t ask him too either – they decide to follow him out of friendship or loyalty to his house) yet inwardly Dimitri too is blindly following what he believes are his obligations.
A huge turning point is when he returns after the whole rain conversation and Byleth gets to ask him some variety of „What do you want to do“ in which Dimitri makes a step toward both inner and outer self-directedness, but precisely because of that becomes are more complete/better consensus leader.
I also want to stress that Claude and Edelgard LOVE togetherness and cooperation and equality as concepts every bit as much as Dimitri does they want to be one of the team but they find it difficult. And of course Dimitri’s style has its own flaws too
Alliance Route
While the Blue Lions decide everything together and either variation of the Black Eagles setup has an „inner circle“ that makes the decisions, in the Golden Dear that inner circle is basically just Claude.
Even Byleth doesn‘t find out his plans until part two, and it‘s later still till he comes clear with the team (and still doesn‘t reveal all but points to Cyril as a stand-in) Hilda and Lysithea are discernable as preferred right hand people, and Byleth and Marianne as special confidants, but in the end Claude rarely shows his real self and only he knows the plan. If Hilda and Lysithea pick up alot about him and his true self it‘s because of how observant THEY are and how much Hilda is basically a lot like him.
Claude does all the thinking and motivates followers (from Lorenz to the random merchans who support him) by promising them things they want – because even if he can‘t trust peopöle, he can trust their self-interest.
Church Route
Since you are with the church that is ideally a sort of benevolent parental authority under the supposition that people need guidance and that‘s a good thing it is perhaps fitting that though Byleth winds up the nominal leader, this is actually the route where they are more of a follower. They do watch Seteth says, who is doing what he believes is his duty and mission, and we have Flayn as an innocent, pacifistic voice.
They lost their dad, and the Nabateans are a sort of surrogate family. (wether its one that youre born into or marry into, the wiord „family“ is stressed) – they are the „inner circle“ making the decision and the empire kids, ragtag misfits estranged from their homes, follow. On the one hand they‘re going against their home country on the other they have the saint‘s blood and Adrestia USED to be church aligned so it also makes a kind of sense.
Among the Adrestian kids themselves, Ferdinand and Petra get a chance to shine as the ostensible leaders. They are stalward, competent leader-like people in CF too , but there they are more overshadowed by the much more experienced Hubert and Edelgard.  - Though when you think about it they are like „pure hero“ versions of them who were never forced to become as cold and pragmatic. Ferdinand, like Hubert, is a nobleman from a storied family who is proud of it but wants to fix its tarnished reputation from his corrupt father. Petra, like Edelgard, is a former political hostage who experienced hardship at a young age and worked her way up all on her own, being very serious and competent despite her young age. I prefer the version where they stay buds rly.
It‘s worth noting that Seteth, ‚Heir of Purpose‘, sees it as their families duty to protect Fodlan and is the only one really doing that – his brothers noped out, and Rhea, uneknowst to him, twisted „protect“ into „rule/subjugate“. One might question who gives him the right to decide things because his mom is magic but on the other hand he really is 100% benevolent and I see no sign that he has any greedy intentions especially in in Silver Snow, all the countries collapse and someone needs to keep order, he doesn‘t understand what the empire‘s doing and why just sees their agression and really is rising to the challenge of upholding peace because something needs to do something about the violence. He had withdrawn to protect his daughter but then in the end he‘s the last one who is really doing what Sothis would have wanted. He looks most like her too having the slightly darker, ‚spikier‘ hair.
Further Thoughts
I’m curious to see how Yuri, the Ashen Wolves, and Cindered Shadows compare/contrast to this and i theyll manage to make the dynamics sufficiently different so that its neither a carbon copy or a blabk mary sue ish superlative. 
I mean the other routes are so interesting to dissect because its a tradeof and all have their own flavor so really CS would do better to try to be “different” or, better yet,  “complementary” than “better” or “cooler”
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Hello Disco
Hi Disco, I hope you don’t mind me again.
I’m the OP from https://thisdiscontentedwinter.tumblr.com/post/175122133627/oh-can-i-rantget-things-off-my-chest-as-wellhow
https://thisdiscontentedwinter.tumblr.com/post/175121870887/how-do-you-deal-with-your-own-face-body
It’s been almost a year, and I’m doing quite good generally. There had been bad days, but nothing that I couldn’t handle.
I’ve been changing lots of my life habits to better myself, mentally and physically. I just realized how much I sounded like a pathetic incel in those post. I want to say sorry…
I drink more water regularly now, I enforce brushing my teeth at least 2x a day, I eat more vegetables, and my sleep routine is a lot healthier now.
I blocked many tags, unfollowed lots of subreddits and blogs. I followed lots of blogs, feel-good blogs and blogs about hot Asian guys/gay Asian couples so I can have a better goal/pride about my own appearance, and most importantly, I spend less time on the internet & start hanging out with my friends.
But the the last week have been hell.
It’s funny the things that have helped you before, can hurt you. The blogs about Asian guys that used to help my self-esteem, now made me feel like I’m a failure. I see all these guys, they’re young, they’re good-looking, they’re successful, and here I am… older than them, looking mediocre, and not successful at all.
I’m over the “get-someone-to-like-me” phase; I currently enjoy being single, but now I still have another problem to solve. I want to ask for help… How do I accept that I won’t ever look good? How do I accept the fact that I’m mediocre? And how do I stop the mindset that to be happy/successful, I need to be good-looking? How do I stop thinking that if I’m mediocre, then I’m worthless?
I’m so stuck with the mindset appearance = success that I start to think that no matter how skilled I am in my job, if I look mediocre, then it’s meaningless. I become less motivated in my studies & work now…
I know I do sound very entitled; I feel women get it waaay worse than I will ever get. Me feeling like this is because of my own expectation; my own delusion; I cause this problem myself. While women who feel like this is caused by society’s super high expectation for women in terms of appearance. For that I apologize again.
DW: Don’t apologise for your feelings! It sounds like you were in a bad pace when you first talked to me, and that’s totally understandable. Also, being judged for your appearance is in no way restricted to women only, and you haven’t caused this problem yourself. You’ve internalised a pretty prevailing attitude in society. It can happen to anyone! 
Please believe me when I say you’re not a failure. There are always going to be people you are younger and more attractive and more successful than you--and by “you” I mean all of us! As difficult as it sounds, we need to stop judging our achievements beside theirs, because that’s not a fair comparison. It’s also helpful to remember that what you “know” about those younger successful people is that you’re only seeing the pictures they’re allowing you to see--and those pictures are very carefully chosen to project that image. Their reality, I promise you, is not as perfect as it seems. 
And here’s the thing too. The first time you sent an ask, you were talking about surgery, and I said please talk to a therapist first. Because honestly, if you want a nose job or whatever it is that you believe will make you more confident in your appearance, there is nothing wrong with that if that would help you. But that’s where you need a second opinion. Because what if you get a new nose, but then decide you need a new chin? And then that’s not enough and you decide you need some other procedure? That’s not sustainable, either financially or psychologically. So honestly, speak to a therapist who can help you figure out if this is about self esteem, or body dysphoria, or whatever else might be going on. 
It sounds like you’ve come a really long way since we last talked, and that’s amazing, and I’m really glad for you. But if those blogs about Asian guys are no longer helping you with your self esteem, then it’s time to stop looking at them. 
I don’t know what field of study and work that you’re in, but it might be more helpful for you to look up the people who are a success in that field, and you’ll probably find that most of them are pretty mediocre in the looks department. 
Your value as a person isn’t about what you look like, however much society tries to tell you otherwise, and there are plenty of people who are successful in their fields without being incredibly attractive, or even conventionally attractive. Success breeds confidence, and confidence breeds success. And the only way to break into that cycle is to start being proud of yourself for your accomplishments. 
And you should be! You’ve worked really hard on yourself this last year, and that’s no small thing. And you’re definitely not mediocre, because even if you’re not conventionally attractive (and I have a feeling you’re being really hard on yourself there to begin with anyway) your value doesn’t come from your looks. 
Sometimes it’s hard to look at how far you’ve got to go, instead of looking back to see how far you’ve come. But you've come such a long way, and you should be incredibly proud of that. You’re worked really hard to be in a better place, and that shows just how strong you are. 
I think that in the end it’s not about finding a way to accept that you “won't ever look good”. I think you need to find a way to look in the mirror and like the person you see looking back at you, even if he’s not a super model. And the more you like the inside, the more you’re going to like the outside, I promise. 
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bibliophilicwitch · 6 years
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Alright, enough of you would like to see my likely long rambly post about my 3-day weekend away so let’s do this.
About a month ago a friend of mine connected with me and asked if I would be interested in a girls’ weekend because there’s a loud music festival that happens practically in her backyard every year and she didn’t want to be in town for it. This friend lives in Appleton nearly 2 hours away from me and we rarely have reasons to be in each others’ neck of the woods anymore so I don’t really visit with her much anymore. So when she asked I really wanted to say yes, but she just so happened to be suggesting a 3-day trip the same month as my 6-day vacation to travel to North Dakota to see family and attend my cousin’s wedding. We planned a budget accordingly and I just gotta be conscious of money the next couple of weeks.
The music started on Thursday and ideally we would’ve left town that evening, but I ended up being scheduled to work until 9 PM closing time at the pharmacy that night… of course. We had plans already scheduled for midday on Friday, so I had to pack everything before work and then left immediately from work for my nearly 2 hour drive and arrived at her house at about 11 PM. I listened to some of the first campaign of Critical Role - time well spent.
So our Friday morning was spent running a few errands and finishing prep to leave Appleton before heading out to Milwaukee including running her pup to a friends’ house, getting groceries, and picking up coffee to fortify ourselves. We headed out around 11 AM I think and arrived early for our massage in a Milwaukee suburb with time to spare. It was my first massage and it was pretty good other than too much on my neck which led to a light headache. I really should’ve said that it was hurting too much, but I wasn’t sure if it would or would not be beneficial as I had never had a professional massage before.
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Our hotel was in Wauwautosa and we arrived a good two hours before check in so we went and got food at Dave and Busters which, for those that don’t know, is an arcade for adults - meaning there is a bar. It was fun, but 3 of the 5 games we played didn’t work correctly or at all and then it was time to head out. Kinda wish we had had the opportunity to go back for another hour since I had plenty of credits still and would’ve really liked to play Mario Kart and check out one or two more games. I did play a Star Wars game with the wrap around screen which was pretty wicked cool.
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That evening, after we checked into our hotel and washed off our oils from the massage, we went to a suburb to participate in a Paint and Sip class - this one was a paint your pet class and they even had little gift bags with goodies for you pet. I picked a picture of Binx that was low lighting which they oversaturated so you could see both his eyes, but since they oversaturated the picture he no longer looked like a true black and white tuxedo but like he had shades of grey and black all over which would not have been my kitty. Since I was not following the picture exactly it was proving impossible to distinguish his features, so I gave up and just used my time to fill in the areas I knew I could and plan to ask another of my friends, who works with me for the library Paint & Sip classes, to help me finish it some time. No idea when that may actually happen since she is super busy, but I have plans that meant I was okay with my experience. Not thrilled since it was a $35 class not including our wine, but eh. Meanwhile my friend was frustrated because even though she asked a few times for help with colors she never got close enough to be happy with her picture. On top of that she had chosen a picture of her goofy dog with his tongue lolling out of his mouth, but they CUT OFF HIS TONGUE and then didn’t make the picture as large as they could’ve so she had a lot of negative space. She was unimpressed to say the least. At least our wine was good. Really the class should’ve had prerequisites such as having participated in their other classes to be sure customers would get the best out of their experience. They did see that I had not finished and were offering a free session to join their free paint classes for help finishing… which we couldn’t do since we both live too far away (in my case a good 4 hours). I do really wish it had been a more standard paint class with the fast blended background and straightforward foreground. Ah well.
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We finished day one at the Cheesecake Factory, a first for me! My friend commented that she was never very impressed by their food and she wasn’t surprised do be unimpressed yet again (though I didn’t mind my food at all), but we finished off with cheesecake, obviously, and that was delicious. Unfortunately I forgot my leftover cheesecake at her house in Appleton.
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Saturday was our busiest day. We started at the Milwaukee Public Museum which was excellent though it really is a whole day affair not the two hour filler we planned for it. About halfway through my friend started to get anxious about her car and concerned it had a ticket or had been towed and I think she was also just getting tired of being on her feet. I think I was overall more interested in the exhibits too and she seemed to only be truly interested in specific things. I’m also a reader and wanted to actually read some of the shit while she just breezed through exhibit after exhibit. Like I said, we really didn’t have the time, but it was disappointing to be rushed so much.
Then we went downtown to The Safe House which she had wanted to check out. She did not realize it was literally right downtown and there was some anxiety, but we made it! For those that have not heard of Safe House, it’s a restaurant where the servers are in-character as secret agents and guests are also secret agents. There is a password to get in and if you don’t know it you have to prove you aren’t a spy by acting out some silliness. The interior is a wild and zany pieced together hodgepodge with references to spies in popular culture. Guests are given a list of missions (clues) to wander about and try to figure out the password. If you figure it out you are able to get a discount on their merchandise.
It was more confusing than my friend was expecting and not as engaging as she had expected either. She was pretty sure she figured it out, but neither of us were really worried about the merchandise, so we just didn’t even bother. They had a pen listed that we both kinda wanted, but they didn’t have any in stock.
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After that we went to the North Point Lighthouse which is a lighthouse museum and I really enjoyed that little attraction. After that we finally headed back to the hotel for a short break and to get bandages because she wore strappy shoes that were trying to eat her feet. We discovered there was some sort of convention going on so the hotel was packed and TOO busy for only two slow elevators.
Next we went to Water2Wine, a winery in a suburb that imports their grapes and then makes their own wines in house. It was cute and pretty decent, but we weren’t overly impressed tbh. Next door to the winery was a Half Priced Books which my friend suggested instead of going to Barnes and Noble in the mall. So we wandered around, which was the first time I’d been to a Half Priced Books, but she got bored relatively quickly and dragged me out well before I would’ve like saying I could go to Barnes and Noble instead and then if she got bored she could wander the mall. So then we ended up at the mall and I was ready to settle into browsing for nearly an hour before wandering around the rest of the mall until close, but again she dragged me out likely because it isn’t that fun to wander by yourself. I did pick up a book at both places, Of Fire and Stars and Spinning Silver. I could’ve stayed in the bookstore all evening and likely only bought the one book, but nooooo, I ended up in the game store and bought an expensive gorgeous metal dice set. Pft. I also bought macarons which I had never been able to try and the ones I got were disappointingly too sweet for me to enjoy. We were both ready to be done, so we grabbed Chipotle, another first for me, and just curled up with a little TV before bed.
Sunday we got brunch at the ludicrously hipstery Cafe Hollanders. Very good and excellent atmosphere, but I couldn’t get over how chique it was being. The cafe was located in this ritzy area filled with high end stores that neither of us could afford, but we wandered around and gawped at insane prices before heading out to the Milwaukee County Zoo which I have WAAAY too many picture of to share here, so just check out my Instagram. I mentioned a few times, because I was seeing merchandise, that we hadn’t seen the red panda and my friend said she thought it might be a seasonal exhibit. After I was home I checked… it wasn’t. We literally missed it and I kinda wanna cry tbh.
We left Milwaukee around 4 and I ended up home around 7:30, but I tossed some gas in my car, washed it, and ran to the grocery store first so idk exactly how long my drive was. Though not everything was amazing I still had a pretty damn good time, my friend on the other hand seemed to get bored and/or impatient and/or disappointed/frustrated on a regular basis and I swear she didn’t enjoy the trip nearly as well as I did which just makes me sad. I also realized that since the last time we had really hung out we have both changed. Whereas I am online a lot and am fairly socially conscious she was not and she made a few borderline racist jokes (okay, not really borderline at all). Nothing nasty, just those ingrained stereotype jokes that are just not funny when you recognize how hurtful they can be. It also became more apparent that our interests do not overlap much at all. Which is another post to ramble about later. I loved the lighthouse and the zoo and wish I could’ve had just a bit more bookstore time and arcade time. It was nice to get out of town and not think about work while getting to catch up with an old friend though.
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angstymarshmallow · 6 years
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“The Mismatched Trio” - (Part 7 of Fantasy AU, A TRR Fanfic)
[A little note: I’m beginning to realize this story may end up being longer waaay longer than I thought. Mostly because it’s been fun exploring a universe in a fantasy setting with some of my favourite characters. Here’s part 7 - a little R&R for our heroes may do them some good. Thanks for keeping up so far if you’ve been keeping an eye out for this, hope you enjoy :)].
[Summary: When Drake, Robyn (MC) and Maxwell find a place to regroup, relaxing for a moment is on most of their minds. However, their circumstances may turn out to be far more dire than they realize.]
Part 1: “The Beginning” Part 2: “The Adventurer” Part 3: “The Knight” Part 4: “The Jester” Part 5: “The Untimely Meeting” Part 6: “The Unlikely Alliance”
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The trio did not last very long before finding themselves at an impasse.
It was only after their journey had taken them a few miles east before realization had finally began dawning on them, striking their budding enthusiasm. Working together was far easier in a moment of begrudging solidarity than it would be within the foreseeable future; for people who felt and seemed quite so different from one another.
Further east they were able to find affordable horses and their travels led them to a trading post. It was small and more than that it was poor, at least to Maxwell’s standards. Although it stood stretching a few feet higher than them, with a deep dark mahogany – the gloss it once had was long gone and all of its windows appeared cracked; some had no windows at all. And its security was laughable – a middle aged man, half asleep and braced against the entrance in mismatched clothes.
Despite Maxwell’s protests, Drake was adamant in stopping to rest for the remainder of the night.
It hadn’t been what Drake expected either. The place was an in between, a trading port for a lot of people whom passed by. Yet unlike his companions, he didn’t care.
As his eyes skimmed the tall tress that met above the structure’s shabby roof, the rest of the forest fanned behind it. From the information Robyn passed along, it was a place where people traded and met for drinks as well as gossip.  
The wooden floorboards creaked with some effort as soon as they entered, each shifting their feet and glancing at their surroundings while all eyes turned towards them. The lot of them seemed like people passing by; strapped in gear while others barely had enough covering them and were slumped fast-asleep in corners. Yet it was the curious glances that gave them a slight pause.
They knew what they looked like. A mismatched set because they did not quite belong.
Robyn’s clothes had turned from its bright red to a dark crimson; stained by blood and dirt. Her hair never looked any wilder; tendrils of curls that stuck at ends with each other. Parts of Drake’s hair was mussed too; plastered by his forehead and his clothes were torn in places that he didn’t entertain with much of a second thought until his thumbs begun poking itself through the holes. Nearly no hair out of place, Maxwell had been the only one that seemed almost untouched by what they had already been through.
Some of the curious gazes turned downright hostile until Robyn scrambled scantily through middle, straightening her spine and grinning from ear-to-ear.
“We need a room, if you’ve got any to spare.”
“Robyn!” The innkeeper recognized her after a few glances at their disgruntled appearance. He grinned. Half of his teeth were missing as she exchanged pleasantries.
Maxwell inched a little closer to Drake at the gesture. He was keenly aware of the looks they received as he whispered to him. “I don’t feel very safe here.”
Drake ignored him.
“Business been barely keepin’ me afloat.” The older man harrumphed, folding his beefy arms. “I don’t think I’ll have enough for ye tonight.” He jerked his chin at the men behind her.
“Aww Balfey, you’re breaking my heart.” She patted her chest for emphasis, “it’s me we’re talking about here.” She extended her arms wide, “you know I’m always good for it.”
Drake and Maxwell shifted on their feet uncomfortably behind her; neither of them wanting to interrupt but with Drake’s growing impatience came little reasons for wanting to stay.
The man’s forehead creased. He scratched his beard as his eyes skimmed the three of them again. “Aye, I think I can do somethin’. One room you said?”
“Well actually three would be the most optimal –” Maxwell wanted at least some comforts, however with the passing glare he received from Robyn, his mouth snapped shut.
“That’s more enough for us.” She dropped several coins in front of Balfey. “We’ll make do.”
“Aye, then we can make the room.” His grin was back, giving them a full view of his teeth.
“Wonderful!” She deposited a few extra pieces of gold. “And pint of ale for my companions,” Noticing the stares hadn’t all disappeared, she gestured towards them, “and to all my friends in this bar!” She cheered.
The silence broke. Immediately nearly everyone within the crowd had harrumphed, cheering and sticking their hands in the air.
Maxwell clapped his hands; seeming delighted by the turn of events while Drake had grumbled something about wasting resources before the innkeeper ushered the three towards a more private seating.
Robyn sat first, letting her head fall back followed by Maxwell.
They both looked exhausted.
“Did you really have to do that?” Drake took his seat, and said the words before he could think better of it.
Robyn smirked. “You clearly don’t know how things work outside the little kingdom of yours.” She tapped her temple. “Everyone in this bar was planning to rob us up until a second ago,” she nodded her chin subtlety in a particular spot – where Drake’s eyes widened at the sight of a crowd of people with swords glinting underneath their table.
How in heavens had he missed them?
“So yes, you’re welcome.”
Ignoring her, Drake cautiously swept the rest of the room; his eyes looking for anything out of the ordinary. Unlike them, he couldn’t rest until he knew there out of danger. And knowing the men they had the unfortunate-ness of meeting earlier could be on their tail – he didn’t believe they would remain safe for long.
“Are you capable of relaxing…for even a second?” Robyn asked, leaning over the table to glance at him.
Drake bristled at her off-handed comment. “Relaxing is how we’ll end up dead.” He brusquely muttered; brushing off all and any attempts at conversing with her any further. Maxwell may have hired her but that didn’t mean he had to waste anytime acknowledging her in any sense of the word.
“Is he always this rude?” Robyn inquired to Maxwell.
Drake had managed to hold his tongue, despite feeling a flare of irritation at her words.
“I’m afraid so.” Maxwell responded shrugging, “at least he has been since the day we’ve met. Years later and no matter how long we’ve known each other, he’s barely changed.”
“And how long have you two known each other?” Interest piqued, Robyn rested her elbows on the table. “If you don’t mind me asking, of course.”
As Maxwell mouth slid open to respond, Drake interjected. His voice was almost cutting as he spoke. “Long enough that Maxwell should know better than to speak of me as though I am not in this very room.”
The nobleman winced, casting an apologetic glance at his friend. “Sorry. It’s just the lady asked a question –”
“She is no lady.”
Robyn stiffened in her seat; hating the way he spat the words at her. As though she was something at the bottom of his boots instead of a person. If this was how likely she would be treated working with him – she suddenly didn’t know if there were enough coins in the world for her to stomach this. “Listen,” she interrupted; her eyes shining a little of an amber glow as he reluctantly turned to her. “If we’re going to be working together, you can’t be insulting me at every turn.” She said thinly, lips pursing into a frown. “I expect you to act cordial – you are a knight after all, are you not? Aren’t you capable of such things?”
Drake bit back his smart retort before it could spill from his lips. She had a point. They were working together; not that he had a say in it to begin with. Still, if she thought he would trust her – she was surely mistaken. “I don’t trust you.”
“And you don’t have to.” Robyn responded tartly, dropping her hands to her lap.
“Pardon me,” Maxwell looped his arm around Drake’s shoulders. “But I think the lady has a point. She’s done nothing to earn this sort of…brutish behaviour.
Drake scowled.
Maxwell quickly hurried on. “And I’ve hired her to do a job.” With every word, he could feel his temper – as rare as it was, igniting as Drake refused to acknowledge him while he shrugged off his touch. “A job she can’t very well do while you’re being a bit of an ass to her at every turn, now can she?”
Robyn smiled timidly at him. “Thank you, Maxwell.” She was surprised by how quickly he took her side; especially considering she was a mere stranger. She supposed it could have just been his way. He did seem to her as the type of person that had no difficulty making friends wherever he went.
Feeling a little out numbered, Drake’s shoulders slumped slightly. He hated to admit when he was wrong. While she did save his life – that wasn’t a reason to trust her - not from where he was standing. Jaw clenching, he muttered. “I suppose you’re right.”
Grinning Maxwell slapped his back. “Wonderful!”
“Although,” He continued, scowling until Maxwell had placed some considerable distance between them. “It begs to question, what exact skills do you bring to the table?”
“Other than magic you mean?” Robyn quirked her eyebrows up in surprise that he was addressing her directly.
He continued as though she hadn’t spoken. “I can’t remember everything we discussed last night,” He frowned faintly; annoyed that some of the night had remained stubbornly a blur even with how long he thought about it.
Drinking was a very stupid idea.
“But I imagine there must be something you’re bringing to the table. Something why Maxwell feels so convinced to hire you.” Unless it’s completely based on her physical appearance and even on that he could understand – Drake blanched and perished the rest of the stray thought. He hadn’t known where it even came from.
He could almost see the wheels turning as she tilted her chin to stare at him. “You’ll need a guide.” She stated a-matter-of-factly, “a lot of the surrounding cities are pretty familiar to me.” She begun, tapping her fingers against the table. “I’m also good at finding things that need finding.”
He couldn’t hide his disbelief. “…Are you implying that you’ve got no trouble stealing when necessary?”
“Like I said,” she repeated; slower this time as though he was having trouble understanding the common tongue. “I’m very good at finding things that need finding.”
Drake turned to Maxwell and scrutinized the man that had been staring at her in almost – awe. “You hired a crook Maxwell.” His tone was deadpanned.
“Nonsense,” Maxwell protested, “I hired someone that will be quite useful, maybe in ways we haven’t even thought of yet.” He grinned, “she does seem to know everything quite well so far.”
Drake grumbled at that.
“We’d be fools not to take advantage of an adveturer’s help. We’ve never been outside of Cordonia until now.” He nodded emphatically, “that’s more than enough reason for us to believe her.”
“That’s debatable,” Drake folded his arms.
“Look – your skepticism makes sense.” Robyn shrugged her slender shoulders. “You don’t know me and I don’t know you. But what I do possess is knowledge and knowledge over ignorance makes sense. I am useful.” She jerked her chin, “try me – where are we off to next?”
Drake was still having trouble thinking of her as apart of we when the innkeeper delivered their round of drinks. After another quick inspection, he silently withdrew a map he had taken with him from the kingdom from his burlap sack. It was a little old and worn out with a twinge of yellow to it as he tried to smoothen the creases across half their table.
He ignored Maxwell and Robyn clinking pints as his broad fingers traced over its texture. His fingers followed the edge of nearly half the towns and cities along their path; cutting off some for the safer more rural areas where he was committed rationing their food would ensure their survival before stopping at path where all the snowy mountains of Tyiht Highlands met.
Yet he couldn’t celebrate. Not yet. The infuriating woman across from him kept interrupting; disagreeing with several of his ideas. She shook her head and even snorted once he begun pointing out a second time the places they needed to avoid and where they shouldn’t.
“This is a little silly,” Her eyebrows pinched once he reluctantly lifted his stare from the map.
Leaning over the wooden table, she traced her own fingers across one of the rivers not far off from the next town over. “It would be much faster to go through this path, instead of through the town.”
“Yes, if you wanted to be robbed by bandits.” Drake curled his lips as she touched his map, “we don’t know what really lies north east of here.” As he spoke, he shifted to angle himself towards Maxwell, nearly cutting Robyn from their conversation. “It is better we stay upon the path Maxwell and I agreed on when we left Corodnia.”
Robyn raised a single brow. “Actually, you’re wrong.”
His eyes flickered up in surprise by her bleak statement.  
“Instead of asking me which is of course –  what any normal person would do,” she adopted a more deeper tone; poorly mimicking Drake’s low timber until Maxwell laughed. “–Robyn do you know anything about the river cutting across the forest just northeast of here?”
Drake remained stubbornly silent.
Robyn huffed a breath. “…..You could have asked the obvious.” She tilted her chin, eyes glittering with a dull amber. She waited a beat, hoping he would break the silence first. When he didn’t, she sighed. “But you aren’t going to ask me, are you?”
“I will!” Maxwell cut the tension in half with his amiable attitude; smiling endearingly at both of them. He moved an inch closer. “Do you know the forest well, lady Robyn?”
“Yes.” She paused. “To a certain degree anyway. I have been through Gitab Woods more times than I can count on my fingers.” She admitted, wiggling her fingers with a grin.
“Really? Any interesting stories?”
A shadow passed over her face then disappeared quick enough that the knight thought he had imagined seeing it. “Quite, but that isn’t important right now. The river is…somewhat riskier although it isn’t because of bandits.”
“Then praytell – what else is wrong?” Drake’s lifted a sardonic brow.
“This map you’ve got here is no good. It’s a little too old, very out of date.” Robyn smirked as she saw him stiffen. Leaning over, she tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear, “may I?”
At his curt nod, she traced over several little towns. “A lot of these have become one territory, ran by a man that thinks himself a ‘conqueror of the new world’.” She motioned with her fingers and Maxwell laughed. “So, avoiding here entirely is impossible now that they all belong to him.”
This was new, Drake hadn’t heard of such a thing. He looked to Maxwell for confirmation; knowing the man cared for politics but even he looked distressed.
“This must be very new.” Maxwell frowned lightly, “I hadn’t heard of this at all the last time I was at court.”
“That’s because it is. In the past couple months, he’s managed to gather and hire enough of an army to take control of several little towns.”
Drake was starting to lose his patience, “I fail to see why we should care.”
“Because Sir Drake, after thinking it over with our kidnappers earlier, I noticed a couple things in their wagon that…seemed familiar. You said they were mercenaries, right?”
‘Yes, I could tell by the armor they carried and their swords….they simply do not belong to anyone, not that I know of anyway.” Drake mulled over his own thoughts. He had automatically assumed the mercenaries had to do with what was happening in Cordonia, he didn’t entertain the idea that it could be more.
“Is there a chance that they’re working for him – to conquer Willesden next?”
“No.” He shared a frown with Maxwell.
“Willesden is still a free town right?” Maxwell spoke up, leaning forward. “Or has that changed too?”
“Yes, you’re right it still is. But y’know, I visit places.” Robyn shrugged, “gossip can be a powerful too. Perhaps he’s making a move for power here too and he hired them to do it.”
“But why would they come after us – specifically.” Drake interrupted, “that doesn’t make any sense.”
“It would if he’s working against you.” Robyn corrected.
“Why would he work against us? We’re just passing by.” Although, the more they spoke of him – the more, Maxwell had a feeling deep down that it was somehow all connected. Call it his oracle gut – but even the thought they were unrelated; a simple mere coincidence seemed ridiculous.
Robyn tugged her cloak, her eyes shifting to ensure no one could overhear them. “That’s because his name is Neville Vancoeur.” She waited a beat until realization finally sunk in and Drake had nearly bolted from his seat.
“Of The Vancoeurs?” Maxwell uttered in complete disbelief. “The ones we banished after the war?”
“The very same ones,” Robyn nodded grimly. “The first time you mentioned you were from Cordonia I didn’t think anything of it, but after being stuck in the wagon together – something kept tickling my brain.”
“So, Neville is alive.” Drake said between gritted teeth.
Robyn was surprised by his reaction. It was the most she had ever seen from him. “I’ve actually met himself,” She mumbled, “he’s actually quite chatty when he’s drunk.”
“You tried to rob him too?” He would have laughed, had he not still been recovering from shock.
“Tried and failed,” She snorted. “The man’s security borders on paranoia. But that wasn’t what caught me. I was completely surprised that a man of his title is a mage.”
Both Drake and Maxwell shared a glance. “I can’t imagine anyone following him if they knew he was a mage. It must be something he’s kept a secret.”
“And you can imagine my surprise when he nearly blasted my head off. I almost died trying to get away.”
“Perhaps you should take this as a lesson Lady Robyn. Maybe a change in lifestyle?”
“The Vancoeurs had very little when King Constantine had cut most of their family down,” Drake explained, unperturbed by Maxwell’s concern. “They were accused of using magic to try and assassinate the King near the end of the war.”
Robyn’s eyes widened.
Maxwell tried to reassure her, “don’t worry. People have often tried to assassinate the crown.”
“…is that supposed to make this any better?” She blinked, “it’s people like this that gives the rest of us mages a bad name.” She huffed, folding her arms.
Drake wanted to mention that being mage was the reason but felt deterred by the sudden look of disgust on her face before he continued. “Originally they were all to be put to death as one of the King’s last orders. But the instead of killing their entire lineage, the king had listened to the prince’s plea for mercy. Neville and his parents were among some of the spared.”
“Nearly everyone with magic in their bloodline died that night.” Maxwell said, wetting his lips.
That night the streets ran with blood. He remembered his younger self; shaking like a leaf and being terrified of King Constantine’s decision. He remembered holding onto his brother’s hand tightly, squeezing his eyes closed while their father was burnt alive in front of them.
It had been more than terrifying – he thought it was the end. Shaking his head clear, he tried to push the memories back. Robyn had been watching his reaction and he smiled with some effort. “But to think…Neville was right under our noses this entire time…” He trailed off for a moment, wondering how the other nobleman had managed to survive.
“Well not quite,” Robyn interrupted his thoughts. She circled with her fingers the towns that were just after Gitab Woods.  
“We should do something.” Maxwell announced suddenly.
“Pardon? And what would you have us do?” Drake shot him a glare. “Stop by and say hello?!”
“Well, yes we could for starters.” Maxwell hesitated, “but that isn’t what I meant.” He glanced timidly at Robyn, “how has Neville been…ruling?” His face twisted, “even saying it feels wrong.”
“Terribly, have you seen this trading post? That’s nothing compared to some of the other towns. He takes nearly eighty percent of the profits for himself.” She curled her lip in disdain. “I’ve never met a man so in-love with himself before.”  
“I knew there was a reason I never liked the man.” Maxwell shook his head, “selfish. Absolutely selfish.” He turned to the knight, who seemed lost in thought. “Drake we should –”
“No.” He interrupted, his tone nearly flat.
“No?” Maxwell repeated, simply staring at him. “But why in heavens not?”
“Because,” Drake made a noise of annoyance before the nobleman could protest. “That is not apart of why we’re here.” He said impatiently.
“But these people –”
“- will just have to find a way. Whether that means listening to Neville or not isn’t our concern.” He dropped his tone for a moment and every word was measured, careful. “We are not here to fix anyone else’s problems Maxwell. We must fix our own.” He thought he had made it very clear this discussion was finished, but Maxwell was shaking his head and Drake watched as his hands started shaking.
“You would leave these people, who are clearly in need of our help defenseless?” He blinked up at him, shocked and angry. They both mingled together within his heated stare. “That is not the Drake I know.”
“You do not know me at all.” Drake’s tone had lost all flatness and had dipped right into unfriendly.
“Yes, I do.” Maxwell said insistently, throwing his hands up in the air. “But it appears thinking you were a good man despite your edges and callousness was my mistake.”
“Uh gentlemen…” Robyn sat straighter in her seat, noticing the odd looks and stares they were beginning to get from other people. If they weren’t careful they were going to draw attention – attention they didn’t need if they wanted to leave in one piece tomorrow.
Even Balfey looked concerned.
“Perhaps this isn’t the right moment for a discussion like this…” Robyn offered, although she knew glancing between them that it wouldn’t matter what she said to say. They seemed too angry – with their fists clenched at their sides and a snarl on the taller of the twos lips.
“You know nothing.” Drake sneered. He slammed a tight fist on the table between them. “You and the rest of the nobles spent so much time with your heads up in your arses; looking down at anyone that never meets your standards – ”
“That is not true!” Maxwell’s usual cheerfulness disappeared and was replaced by a burning intensity in his eyes that has set warning bells inside Robyn’s head. “You’ve never given anyone the chance. Unlike your sister who –”
“Don’t you dare talk about her.” Drake had gone completely still and every word he spoke sounded threatening, felt as though he was ready at any moment to throttle the man. “Not one more word Maxwell.”
They stared at each other, locked in a silent battle of wills until Robyn cleared her throat. Her voice was tight as she broke the silence, “whatever issues you two need to work through, I do strongly suggest doing so in private.” She nodded towards several onlookers, staring down at a few in particular until they looked away.
Sniffing, Maxwell excused himself first. Mumbling his apologies to Robyn, he stormed to Balfey before flitting off towards the wooden hall.
The table fell in silence once again.  Drake slumped back inside the stool, heaving a sigh. He raked his fingers through his unruly hair. He swore.
Glancing down at the man in front of her, Robyn knew the smarter thing to do was to leave him alone, to deal with whatever it was that had been eating him.  She should not be poking herself in their business, and yet as unsettled as it felt moments ago –  she couldn’t simply walk away. “You know, he didn’t mean to upset you.”
The man in front of her did not answer. He simply groaned, covering his face with his hands as he uttered another curse foul enough to make her cheeks blush.
She bent forward. “He was only trying to help. Do the right thing, or at least what he thinks is the right thing anyway.”
“I know.” He muttered in his hands. “I know Maxwell has a good heart. But a good heart sometimes will get you killed.”
“Speaking from experience, are we?” She meant it as a joke, misplaced humor to lighten the mood but the knight had glanced up to glare at her.
“Who hasn’t lost ever lost someone.”
His words nearly sobered her up instantly. “Is that the sister you mentioned earlier. Because if it is –”
“My sister,” he emphasized the word sister making her flinch, “is not up for discussion with anyone, especially not you.” He interjected thinly, lips forming a scowl.
“Fine!” Robyn cried out in exasperation, throwing her hands up in the air. “Forget I said anything. I don’t know what came over me anyway.” She grumbled, sliding from off her stool. “I should be spending the rest of my night with someone that won’t be so quick to dismiss me with every breath they breathe –” she was almost a reasonable distance away when she suddenly whirled back to him.
And it was the abrupt glance of loneliness that flashed in his expression which gave her pause. It made her hesitate and her anger was nearly forgotten. She didn’t know this man, she couldn’t imagine him being easy to know but something in the way he was looking at her made her think he was lost. He was lost and he didn’t want anyone to know it.
“Have a good night Sir Drake.”
Drake’s lips twisted, but it was not into the frown she had anticipated. It was a small fraction of a smile and it nearly took her breath away; how one slight change had made such a difference to his face. “Have a good night.”
-
Robyn had jerked upright in bed, driven out of her dreams by the sound of harsh gasps coming from within the room. Gasps that had almost become screams the longer she laid there, and as her eyes scrambled to make sense of her surroundings – she noticed they were not all present. Maxwell was nowhere to be seen and she froze once her eyes landed on the knight – laying on the floor with his blanket twisted around his body.
His hair looked half-drenched in sweat and he was mumbling something under his breath. It was too low to make out from where she stood and as she slid from off the bed, he grew louder – more frenzied. His hands were clenched so tight that they were ghastly pale.
“…Drake?” She called out uncertainly. She took cautionary steps towards him; careful in keeping her voice low – gentle, despite the rising panic coming from him.
“No, no, let them go.” One of his hands reached for his neck. His fingers tearing into his flesh as his anguished cries reaching into nearly a scream when she dropped to her knees. The blanket slid to his chest as his body begun trembling.
“Hey!” She tried to reach for his hand.
The second she did, Drake’s eyes had flown open and he wrestled until he was on top of her; his hand drawing to the dagger she kept by her waist. He hovered it near her throat. His eyes were wild; a mixture of pain and fear twisted altogether as they stared up at her.
Her nerves fluttered. Her breathing became labored but she knew it was important for her to remain still. To be quiet. She had seen panic attacks before, but never this severe. “You’re alright. You’re safe.” She was surprised by how soft her voice was, or that she hadn’t felt afraid.
Seconds passed between them before Drake dropped his hand, and the dagger fell beside them. “I’m sorry,” a look of horror flitted across his face. “I hadn’t meant to, it was just – ”
“I know.” The words were nearly a gentle caress. “You didn’t hurt me, see?” She hadn’t anticipated her pulse to jump or to feel tiny hairs on her skin to revel in excitement as she brought his hand to rest by her neck. But it did, and the sudden warmth filling her made her gasp.
Drake knew what it was now that had struck him last night when Maxwell and Robyn had been flirting. It was jealously – plain and simple; as shocking as it had been to fill his system, it was nothing compared to how dumbfounded he felt now as his fingers touched her neck.  He had done so with the intention of making sure he hadn’t heart her; and his concern had struck him uncomfortably as did how much he enjoyed touching her. And without thinking he allowed them to skim down her throat, watching in fascination as her pulse jumped.
Her eyes were lightly glowing; a dull amber-gold he was becoming accustomed to seeing whenever her emotions were intense. And he wondered for a moment – if they had anything to with his curious fingers drawing patterns across her skin, or the sudden dull roar of his heart beating faster than he thought possible.
His throat went dry.
Her eyes didn’t waver from his as she moved slightly, leaning into him until he could feel her breath.
Their room door was suddenly flung open and Drake jerked back, flinching before they both managed to disentangle themselves from each other.
“Guys! Guys!” Maxwell’s hair was a mess, although he was mostly dressed; with his hand braced on the weapon by his hip. He didn’t seem to read the mood’s atmosphere as Robyn smoothened out the pleats of her skirts.
Drake wanted to snap at him, however as he heard the panic in his voice and saw the fear inside his eyes; he knew something was wrong. “Maxwell, what’s going on?”
Maxwell’s hands were knees were shaking so much that he collapsed into Drake’s arms.
“Hey! Are you okay?” Robyn went to his side.
And with some effort, the two of them were able to deposit him by a chair. He was muttering under his breath; speaking so low that she was beginning to think he hadn’t heard her.
“You’re starting to scare me Maxwell,” Drake blew out an irritated breath, grabbing him by the shoulders. “Say something.” He commanded sternly.
It took a few seconds of Drake shaking the man’s shoulder for him to blink out of it; staring up at him while gulping fresh air. “It’s Neville.”
Drake froze. His blood ran cold.
“He’s bringing his mercenaries here. They’re going to burn this place down Drake. They’re going to slaughter everyone in here.”
-
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“i wrote down my goals so when i get them i’ll know i was brave enough to want them” - alexi pappas.
10 years, 10 goals. tagged by my gals @musingsoflulu  and @mountains--and--miles, I wrote a little post before the new year about some goals but a second time won’t hurt, plus this includes more long term stuff
1. Become more politically informed/active I will be the first to admit that I definitely do not know enough about what is going on with our government/any government at any given time. I’m making an effort to start reading the news in the morning rather than endlessly scrolling through social media. I will ask questions when people mention something I don’t know rather than nodding along. I also want to become more involved in activism and making my voice heard. I don’t like the thought of complaining about things that aren’t being done “right” if I myself am not actually making any effort to change them.
2. Merge running with environmentalism Building off of my first point, I want to run some sort of race this year which I can use to raise environmental awareness. I’ve been thinking a lot about how I want to do this and I’m not sure exactly yet, but I WILL do it. Bringing together the two things I care about most.
3. Be calm My type A personality makes it reaalllllly hard for me to chill tf out. Not only is it exhausting but it sucks the fun out of a lot of stuff. I want to plan less and go with the flow more, with running, eating, socializing, etc.
4. Lots of running goals Short term is running a spring marathon and breaking 3:40 which I think is well within my reach considering I made a lottttt of mistakes my first time out there which I (hope) I learned from. Beyond that I want to BQ (surprise, surprise), but what really sets my soul on fire is the idea of running mountain ultras eventually. I’ve got my eye on one for spring of 2019 and as @mountains--and--miles said, my ultimate goal is western states. I know that could come off as a bit...much? But after hearing so many stories of the ultra running greats I have zero doubt in my mind that if I put in the work and I keep the passion burning, I’ll get there eventually. (Also Meg let’s crew for each other ok? thx)
5. Move out west! Ideally Colorado, more ideally Boulder For as long as I can remember I’ve wanted to move out to the west coast and after spending a decent amount of time traveling around out there in 2017 I am more sure than ever that it is where I belong. Colorado has always been one of my favorite places, I grew up going out there to ski every winter with my family. Boulder seems like this mecca of ultra endurance athletes and badass adventurous people and I feel like I could really thrive there (I know it’s expensive af depending on how you do it but I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it)
6. Go to law school...I think I have changed my life plan approximately 4000 times but if I want to achieve my ultimate career goals I think law school is the correct path for me. ALSO most of the schools with strong environmental law programs are located in the cities that I would love to live so...I’m stoked
7. Play a major role in enacting some form of climate change policy Building off of number 6, my ultimate goal with environmental law is to work with climate change policy. It’s where my passion lies and where I feel like I could make the biggest difference
8. Spend my life with someone I love + have kids Growing up without siblings has served to solidify my decision that I 100% want to have multiple kids of my own some day. I get so excited thinking about my future kiddos running down the stairs on christmas morning, bringing me breakfast in bed on mother’s day, fighting in the backseat of the car on the way to (cross country perhaps?) practice. I know a lot of people aren’t sure if they want kids or really, really don’t want them but I’m so excited to meet my future people.
9. ED related things First of all, can we acknowledge that I made it to number 9 before this topic even came to mind like...fuck yeah?? Anyway- I have made a lottttt of progress in the ED realm since 2011 when this all started (7 years wtf) but I still have a ways to go. I think I make progress best by tackling one goal at a time (giving up the scale, not writing everything down at the end of the day, etc.). I want to use this year to really focus on moving in a positive direction. Seeing food as fuel for running (cliche, but hard to take my own advice sometimes), developing a healthier relationship with alcohol (I don’t want that to make it sound like I have an alcohol problem, it’s the opposite, alcohol is the one thing that continuously drives my ED thoughts up the wall, but I want to be able to go out and drink at parties or order a drink at a restaurant or have a class of whatever when I’m home for the holidays without worrying about it), and my biggest goal which I think will catalyze big, positive change is to stop. counting. calories. It really freaks me out to be open about that and put it out here but if I’m being honest it’s a habit that is ingrained in my brain from years of doing so which makes it really hard to break but there ya have it folks! open and honest!
10. Be present Again, sounds cliche but my mind is always racing with 100 thoughts of things I need to do later, what I’ve already done for the day, etc. Stuff that really isn’t worth obsessing over because what’s done is done and what has yet to happen isn’t going to happen just because I’m thinking about it. Calming my mind and being here, now will be good for me.
Okay I spent waaay longer on this than I expected but I enjoyed it a lot
tagging my pals: @embracingwild, @kiara-shannon, @championsaremade, @sweeterthanabumblebee, @sunnyruns, @runninglaur, @runner-vs-theworld, @runningonsmoothies, @sunandrunn Do it UPPPPPPPP
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allenmendezsr · 4 years
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Car Dealer Licenses How To Start A Car Business
New Post has been published on https://autotraffixpro.app/allenmendezsr/car-dealer-licenses-how-to-start-a-car-business/
Car Dealer Licenses How To Start A Car Business
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To top it off, you’ll receive our extensive auto-appraisal checklist. Download it and print it off – making sure you have a new one for every vehicle you’re looking at. Just like the checklist airline pilots use before they ever leave the ground, this invaluable tool will assure you won’t be missing ANYTHING compromising the vehicle’s ultimate re-sale value.
Autos, Autos Everywhere… But Where Does a Dealer Go To Buy Them?
Ok… it sounds simple at first glance… find used cars, appraise them, then sell.
But where do dealers go to find their inventory? Is there some undisclosed, underground “good old boys” network – only allowing “insiders” access to the better deals and trades?
Not to worry, because this Car Dealer License Course discloses everything you’ll need to know for finding the right vehicles at the right prices!
Auto Auctions – Where they are, how they work, how you bid, what you need to watch out for… this course will be like having a car pro at your side the entire time, pointing out the do’s and don’ts when attending an auto auction.
New Car Dealerships – Have you ever wondered what new car dealerships do with the trade-ins they get? Wonder no more, because you’ll be shown how to approach, talk to and get on the “good guy list” of these dealership’s used car managers.
Used Car Lots – Sounds like a contradiction, doesn’t it? Why should a used car dealer go to a used car lot to purchase used car inventory? Simple – the longer a car sits on the lot, the more motivated the dealership is to offload it. They’d rather take a cut in profit than get no profit at all – so it’s a win-win situation for the right independent dealer and the right used car lot.
Repos – You’ve see the TV show where a repossession team goes out and hauls away an auto whose loan is waaay overdue. Once the car is turned back to title holder, then what? The bank, financial or lending institutions don’t want the car – they want the money. That’s where you come in. We’ll clue you in on how to find the right people (called Recovery Agents) at these companies – and how to get them on your side.
Stolen Recoveries – According to ABC News, in the USA a car gets stolen every 43 seconds! That’s a lot of cars. Many of them wind up in chop houses – never to be seen again. But a fair number do eventually get found. The owners got reimbursed by their insurance companies, so the found auto is now the insurance company’s problem. Car Dealer License fills you in on how to locate these orphaned vehicles, and how to obtain the ones you want.
Individuals – Yep! “For Sale by Owner” is alive and well in the used auto market. Just drive through any community and you’re bound to see several cars sitting in the driveway, silently advertising themselves. Many times the owner is VERY motivated to sell due to adverse financial problems. So check ‘em out!
Financing and Buying Autos Wholesale – Getting the Biggest Bang For Your Buck!
It might stand to reason you have to part with some cash in order to purchase a used auto… however this isn’t true in every case!
Not only are we going to walk you through the forms and title process for gaining free and clear ownership of a used vehicle, but we’ll also introduce you to the Magic of Drafts – buying cars, trucks, boats, trailers… what have you with no money up front!
It’s a rather common practice in the used car industry, so take advantage of it whenever you can!
Navigating Through the Mazes Quick-Starts and Shortcuts
Sometimes trying to track down the agencies and organizations you need to find can be one huge hassle. Then you have to recognize what forms you’ll be expected to know and be acquainted with for completing sales and purchases.
No problem, because we have it all down in black and white for you…
Department of Motor Vehicles – in all 50 states, along with their respective websites.
Agencies & Organizations – Contacts, organizations, publications and businesses – over 45 places you can turn to for almost every aspect of starting and running your Car Dealership business as smoothly as possible.
Forms – Every business has its own particular forms, and Car Dealerships are no different. We’ll show you the most common forms you’ll be using in your everyday transactions – and how to make sure you fill them out correctly. From a Wholesale Order for Registration and Title to Insurance Affidavits to Odometer Disclosure Statements and almost everything in-between – we have actual samples of the very forms you’ll be filling out.
Auctions – Need to know where the major auto auctions are in the United States? We have you covered with literally hundreds of venues from coast to coast. Each state is listed with their respective auction lots – address, phone numbers and websites included. We even clue you in on auctions in Puerto Rico, Canada, the United Kingdom, France and Australia!
17 Lessons, 5 Video Tutorials…Plus 3 Bonus Features!
When I said this course was complete, I meant every word of it!
It’s jammed packed with 17 individual learning segments – covering everything you’re likely to encounter when preparing, starting, building and running your used car dealership enterprise.
The video tutorials are informative and professional – taking you on live tours of how to appraise an auto before you plunk down your money, and even how to buy cars 24/7 by harnessing the power of the internet!
Even if you had no interest at all in starting your own business, the video tutorials alone on how to spot those car-lot lemons every time out would be well worth your investment.
But before I unveil the bottom line, let me tell you about our bonuses…
BONUS ONE:
“Locating Services Instructional” – Additional Lesson
This bonus lesson is fantastic for those who want to get into the pre-owned vehicle business, but want to have buyers lined up BEFORE searching out vehicles to purchase. Part middleman, part sleuth… the profits can be quite substantial when you match specific customers to their dream cars.
From advertising your service to setting fees to finalizing a transaction – we show you how this ultra-low risk, huge profit niche is done… and done right! (We even include a sample “Locating Vehicle Sales Agreement” for you to use!)
BONUS TWO:
Auto Wholesale Business Plan
Numbers matter, and carefully planning your business finances is paramount when running your own business. We’ve done the grunt work with our ready to run Excel Spreadsheet itemizing your car dealership’s estimated profit and loss calculations.
Take the guesswork out of your decisions, and your bank account will be thanking you big time for it!
BONUS THREE:
Joel Osteen – “Making Plans To Succeed” Motivational Presentation
We all have our slumps and pitfalls – that’s just life in action. It’s what we do when a curve ball comes our way that makes all the difference. In this inspirational presentation, Joel talks about how we can make plans to succeed – and stay focused on our ultimate goal. Entertaining and uplifting – you’ll want to listen to this more than once!
The Bottom Line…
Okay, so we’re finally here. The big question is this: How much are we expecting you to invest for this Online Step-by Step Car Dealer License Business Start-Up Tutorial?
Remember…
Seventeen No-Nonsense, Fact Filled Lessons
Five In Depth Video Tutorials
Three Super Bonus Features, Including the Extra Lesson and Spreadsheet.
If we were to package everything in a box, our accountant said not one penny less than $297. Fair enough –
We settled on an investment of $129 for the complete course. But I wasn’t satisfied with that figure. Not that it wasn’t a fair and reasonable price – it certainly was both of those. But I’m a realist, and I see how money is tight these days.
So here’s the deal. The entire course, nothing left out, cut or truncated will be available for a limited time for only $89. $47 – Limited Time Offer!
LIMITED TIME OFFER!
WAS $89 NOW $47
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There are no gimmicks. No “super-accelerated” extra lessons to purchase. No sneaky continuity payments tacked on without your consent.
This single payment of $47 is the entire price you’ll pay. But this special rate is limited, and once it’s gone – the price will go up to $89.
100% “NO REMORSE” GUARANTEE!
I want you to be totally and absolutely satisfied that you’ll be making the right decision. So here’s what I will do………..
Sign up today.
Try the Car Dealer Licensing Course for 30 days.
Carefully go over the training modules and videos.
If it’s not everything I said it was, or if you’ve simply changed your mind about going into the pre-owned auto business, let me know.
I’ll refund your entire $89 $47, we’ll shake our virtual hands and part as friends.
Fair enough?
Realistically Speaking…What Can You Expect?
Let me be blunt as possible. No online course, no textbook, no program out there can make you an instant success. There’s no such animal as the “Lazy Man’s Path to Riches and Fame.”
Any business, ours included is going to take time, effort and good old fashion “elbow-grease” to run. If you were thinking otherwise, then please look elsewhere. We will supply the knowledge, the information and the tactics you’ll need to make owning your Car Dealership business a reality. What we can’t supply is your motivation – that’s entirely up to you.
But if you do decide to make this a go, you’ll find that being your own boss and calling the shots is almost addictive. No one, and I mean no one will ever be able to call you into a corner office and say you’re fired. The security and independence of building your future on your own terms is a feeling that will never cease to thrill you!
It’s Time to Make Up Your Mind…
We’ve presented you with all the benefits, facts and figures as directly and honestly as possible. To recap, here is what you’ll soon be enjoying:
The 17 Lessons for your Car Dealer License Business
Five Instructional Videos
Locating Services – Bonus Instructional Lesson
Auto Wholesale Business Plan – Bonus Excel Spreadsheet
“Making Plans To Succeed” – Joel Osteen’s Motivational Presentation
The only person that can make the final decision is you. It’s a funny thing… when we look to others for their validation, it’s almost always negative. For whatever rhyme or reason, people whom you ask will in all probability give out every reason under the sun why you shouldn’t take action.
A lot of it has to do with jealousy – they just don’t want to see someone else get ahead of them in this game called life. Unwilling to create their own dreams, they become dream-killers for others.
If you are truly motivated and determined to make Car Dealerships a career, I urge you to sign up now.
LIMITED TIME OFFER!
WAS $89 NOW $47
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Here’s to your success!
John Kleemann
CEO – Car Dealer Licenses
P.S. Here’s another reason you should seriously consider this opportunity and start taking charge of your own destiny.
NOW is the only time you ever have to make a positive change in your life. The one thing that never, ever comes back is time. Every minute delayed is one more chance that’s lost forever. Next time you’re in the local big box discount store, take a good look at the greeter by the front door. Or when you’re doing your food shopping, really notice the senior citizen behind the free samples kiosk, struggling to stand as they smile behind their pain.
Do it, and then ask yourself this…
Is this where I want to end up? Was this the entire purpose of my time here on earth… wearing a silly smock for a couple of dollars an hour, just to be able to survive another day?
Frankly, that’s not living… it’s a prolonged and disgraceful death.
So act on my advice and sign up now, because tomorrow has a way of never coming – until it’s too late to change the outcome.
LIMITED TIME OFFER!
WAS $89 NOW $47
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Questions? Click here to Contact Us
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daylightcolour · 7 years
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ndrv3 for the fandom thing!
[I tried to make this as vague as possible because I can’t tag asks on mobile, but fair warning to anyone still avoiding ndrv3 stuff there’s some spoilers in this because I can’t talk about any of my opinions without writing all my reasons why hdjdjhsfjdgh]
Character I first fell in love with: I think waaay back when only Maki, Kiibo, and Kaito were revealed, I was super hyped for Kaito and I don’t remember why? Once everyone else was revealed though, I loved Miu and Tenko for their designs (and then later on after the names were revealed Ouma snatched my heart)
Character I never expected to love as much as I do now: KAEDE!!!!!!! She hadn’t stood out to me at all, even when the game was released I had been pretty neutral about her. But personal things happened and now I’m. Head over heels for Kaede I would Die for this beautiful woman
Character everyone loves and I don’t: uhh Miu, kinda? She’s constantly switching between my (second) best girl and worst girl, but what bothers me about her is that everyone loves her for her pervertedness/lewd jokes then goes and hates Yamada for the exact same thing (even though he’s not nearly as bad in that respect) ;;;; I don’t even care about Yamada but I’ll defend him until the day I die
Character I love but everyone else hates: Tsumugi I guess? Not everyone 100% hates her but I know she’s highkey disliked for [redacted] — I love her personality earlier in the game, she’s super adorable esp. in her free time events with kaede… just looked back at this after i finished writing everything else, and remembered everyone hates Shinguuji for that thing that happened– he’s actually my best boy, i could go on abt why but i don’t wanna make this longer than it already is or start discourse (just to clarify though i don’t support incest irl or in fiction)
Character I used to love but I don’t any longer: THEY’RE ALL SO GOOD I HAVE NO IDEA??? I guess Saihara fell considerably down my personal character rankings after the game released, but I still love him even if I’m kinda bitter over Everything in chapter 1
Character I would kiss: KAEDE!!!! THERE’S LITERALLY NO CONTEST!!!!!!! tho if I could I’d kiss all of them tbh
Character I want to slap: None Of Them and that’s just how it be
A pairing I love: I rly adore amamatsu, it’s super comforting to me and just Really really underrated too. In the game, their interactions are written so that it doesn’t force or highkey suggest anything but I feel like it also shows some underlying feelings; killing game aside, I feel like their relationship has the potential to be the healthiest ship in danganronpa if it only it had time to develop :(I think I explained that pretty badly but I promise I’m gonna make an in-depth post on why I ship amamatsu someday, where my thoughts will actually be organized and I’ll have quotes/screenshots from in-game because I’d die for this ship
oumami is an honorable mention for this question because I’ve shipped it since before the game even released and I still feel like they could have an interesting dynamic together ;;
A pairing I hate: SUPER super unpopular opinion but I hate saimatsu with every fiber of my being!! Platonically it’s adorable, but romantically it’s just so. ugh it’s forced and overrated as hell and I’ve had the worst experiences with the shippers too, everyone I’ve talked with on a semi-personal level ended up being a snakeso yeah 0/10 overall (though it’s cool if you ship it, idc just don’t push it in my face you know?)
anyways, this ended up so long i’m so sorry but THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING…..I LOVE RAMBLING ABT MY THOUGHTS N OPINIONS ESPECIALLY FOR MY TOP INTERESTS!!
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mightbedamian · 7 years
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#TMIishTuesday #60 - Make a democracy a democracy!
Hey, This is a very important topic. Please keep reading - and most importantly: Go, use your vote! Be it upcoming Sunday, the Sunday after or any time later. Thanks! Hey there mighty people of the internet! And welcome to issue #60 of #TMIishTuesday - my weekly Tumblr post about what goes through my weird mind and on what you guys want to know more about. It can be something very personal, it can be something political, it can be completely pointless - but in 99.9 % of the cases, it involves opinions. And mine as well. // Last week I discussed bisexuality and the stereotypes and misconceptions regarding the topic. Check it out, once you're done reading this. :) // Within the next two weeks we have two elections coming up in Germany. Both are elections for state parliaments - those of the Schleswig-Holstein and North Rhine-Westphalia. Given the latest events in countries like the UK (Brexit), the US (The Trumpet), and France (Le Pen), it is even more important that you - you reading this - make use of your vote! Ever heard of the AfD? Let me give you a little bit of a break-down as to what happened in the elections mentioned above and then move on to the situation in Germany - and why I think we have some scaring tendencies here. 1. The UK, aka. "we want to leave the EU so badly!" - 23 June 2016 For the past few years there had been more and more public voices who felt the UK was not treated properly by the European Union (EU) - especially with regard to the migration situation (aka. the refugees coming into the EU being distributed equally among the member states). After a years-long debate, Prime Minister David Cameron kept a promise from his 2015 election campaign and held a referendum about a possible move of the UK to leave the EU. The weeks before the two campaigns were picking up speed and the closer the referendum came, the closer the parties were. In the end, it was a very close race, but Cameron's campaign to stay in the EU was not successful. It got 48 % of the votes. Which in turn meant that the UK has officially started talks to negotiate the terms of their leave. Also, as you probably know, the leave voters had a significantly higher average age than those who voted to stay in the Union. I already posted @glenrules's tweet back then in my an general update post on my life, but it's just ridiculous. And his caption "Ever been fucked by a pensioner before ? You have now." is just spot on! The younger population - and Scotland and the city of London - showed a high percentage of stay voters. Why do I tell you this story? You probably know all of the things I just told you. Well, the leave campaign got a mere 1.3 million votes more. With nearly 18 million people, who could have voted, but didn't. 35 % of those, who were allowed to vote in the referendum, didn't. But surely they joined in with the incredible vocal "this was not a fair referendum" shouts. I don't see how it was not fair. You knew the facts. You knew it would cost the UK millions every year to leave the EU. You knew your relationship towards the EU would change. You couldn't expect that you were allowed all the benefits at no costs. What would have worked: Preparing yourself well enough before the vote, checking both opinions, and finally: actually voting. Take-away: Go, use your voice! Vote! 2. The US, aka. "God bless this mofo!" - 8 November 2016 Elections in the US are quite a happening. Still, all the "Let's make America great again" and "Hillary for America" didn't quite get the people to the polling stations. Only 60 % of the voting eligible population actually used their power. And while Hillary Clinton got the popular vote (meaning she got more total votes), she still didn't become president. The American voting system is f*ed up!  No, the Trumpet became president. And we saw the same we saw with the Brexit vote: People shouting: "This is not fair! We need a re-run of the election!" Well, I have to give you that: To me it also feels unfair when the majority of people voted for Clinton, but they got the Trumpet as a president. :D But: That's how their election system works. And has been working for centuries. You can't say "it's unfair". You knew how it worked. What would have worked: Getting the remaining 40 % to vote. Changing the election system during the last election period. Fleeing the country. Okay, leaving the country is not funny. I shouldn't say that. But the first two: Definitely! 3. France, aka. "Let's switch the political situation completely!" - 23 April 2017 The latest election in France shows how sudden a change can come by. From two parties winning pretty much every electoral district to winning barely any in just five years. This again shows how agitated the whole political situation in Europe has been lately. Take-away: Don't let the right-wing parties take over! France, if you're reading this: Don't be silly! Don't hand the Èlysée Palace to Madame Le Pen just like that! Right, let's turn to Germany cause that's what we're here for. Looking at recent polls, we can expect the AfD well above the 5% threshold needed to claim seats in the Bundestag, the German national parliament. As if 9% of the German voting population were asleep for the last few years - or simply feel SO "invaded" (quote by Bernd - pardon, Björn - Höcke) by immigrants. A party built on hatred. A party that basically denies the Holocaust. Höcke, spokesperson of the AfD in the German state of Thuringia and chairman of the party in the state parliament, called the Holocaust memorial in Berlin a "memorial of shame". Wilhelm von Gottberg, another member of the party, once mentioned a "flaw of guilt" which clearly states he believes the Holocaust is nothing you should apologise for. Yepp, and I could mention lots and lots of other statements. But it's not the topic of today's post. I think I made my point here: The AfD is an ultra-right party. Some say calling them "nazis" would be too much. But, quite frankly: They are nothing short of the stuff the NPD preaches. And you call them nazis. As far as I am concerned: Only because the AfD doesn't have the N of "national socialism" incorporated, that doesn't make them any better. Aaaanyway. This post should be more about why you should vote. The first reason is stated above: Don't give those ultra-right idiots any more power. The more votes for other parties, the less their votes will weigh. As long as you don't vote for them, I don't care what you vote - it's completely up to you. And that's why we should be proud of how far we've come! We learned the lessons from the Third Reich: Anti-democratic behaviour leads to dictatorship. Sooner or later. As Cicero told us more than 2000 years ago. What a wise man! Why is democracy important you might ask? Cause who care when you only have one vote and there are 60 million others, who also do? Well, I have some answers for you. 1. Every vote counts the same. If you vote, you can be sure that your vote counts exactly the same as any other vote. We don't have the conditions of the empire times where only certain people were allowed to vote - and those of the noble and the clergy would count waaay more than those of the "common bourgeois". That's freaking important! 2. You are free in the party you vote for. You have the choice. You can decide between the 30+ parties that run for the election (granted, if we're talking Schleswig-Holstein, there are only 13 parties. And no one can tell you off for voting for that particular party. Take a look to Turkey to know how a situation would look like when you were not allowed to choose freely. Do I have to say any more? 3. It's fun! If you're young, that sounds ridiculous. I know that. But: Politics are fun! Developing an opinion on topics you have an interest in - and on those that are very important - is cool! Not only does it help you when you engage in discussion with friends, family or class mates - it also makes you realise some stuff you wouldn't have realised before. It makes you realise opportunities. Go, catch them! Also: It fills me with a lot of pride that I actually haven't missed a single opportunity to vote. National, state-wide, communal, European - I used them all. You do the same, please! Btw, did you know that you can also vote, when you know you won't be able to on the day itself? Just request postal vote. There are forms online for the respective elections. If you forgot, you still have some time left. For the election in Schleswig-Holstein upcoming Sunday, the deadline for requesting your postal vote is Friday, 5 May, 12.00. For North Rhine-Westphalia you have 6 hours longer. The deadline is Friday, 12 May, 18.00. Whatever way you use to vote, whatever party you choose to vote - do the same as 78 % of my Twitter followers and go, vote! I'll like you a little bit more then! Go, do it! Do you plan to vote? If so, why do you think it’s important? If no, what’s your reason? Place a comment, tweet me, dm me, or do anything else you can think of to get to me. Queer Shoutout you say? Technically this isn't too much of a queer shoutout, but 1/3 is queer. That counts, right? It's just too fitting. Three wonderful videos on why voting is such an important part of a democracy. And why it's even more important in these times. Jodie Calussi gives you a little talk on the history of voting rights, Lisa Sophie talks about the difficulties of making decisions and help with finding the party that fits you best and Applewar's MasterJam and his friends created a lovely cover of Die Toten Hosen's song Willkommen in Deutschland to tell you that voting can keep those nasty AfD people off you. Check all those videos out. They deserve it! :) As always: Next #TMIishTuesday next Tuesday. If you have any questions in the meantime, just ask away. Whatever you’re curious about - I don’t bite. :) Until then: Stay mighty! Linkage: - glenrules’s tweet: https://twitter.com/glenrules/status/746228140792381444 - My post mentioning #Brexit last year: http://mightbedamian.tumblr.com/post/146622442867/tmi-ish-tuesday-16-wrap-up - Wikimedia graphic for the 2012 presidential elections in France: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:2012_French_presidential_election_-_Second_round_-_Majority_vote_(Metropolitan_France,_communes).svg - Wikimedia graphic for the 2017 presidential elections in France: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:%C3%89lection_pr%C3%A9sidentielle_de_2017_par_d%C3%A9partement_T1.svg - Welt.de: SPD büßt noch mehr in Wählergunst ein: https://www.welt.de/politik/deutschland/article164132054/SPD-buesst-noch-mehr-in-Waehlergunst-ein.html - Wikipedia: Election threshold: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Election_threshold - Fabian Leber for tagesspiegel.de: Flüchtlingskrise: Die AfD drängt auf die Straße: http://www.tagesspiegel.de/politik/fluechtlingskrise-die-afd-draengt-auf-die-strasse/12466360.html - Sidney Gennies for tagesspiegel.de: Nationalsozialismus: Die AfD provoziert am Holocaust-Gedenktag: http://www.tagesspiegel.de/politik/nationalsozialismus-die-afd-provoziert-am-holocaust-gedenktag/19310794.html - Zeit.de: Wilhelm von Gottberg: AfD-Politiker lehnte Distanzierung von Holocaustzitat ab: http://www.zeit.de/politik/deutschland/2017-03/wilhelm-von-gottberg-afd-holocaust-zitat-distanzierung - Wikipedia: De re publica: https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/De_re_publica#Inhalt - NDR.de: 13 Parteien stehen in SH zur Wahl: https://www.ndr.de/nachrichten/schleswig-holstein/13-Parteien-stehen-in-SH-zur-Wahl,landtagswahl1190.html - Poll among my Twitter followers: https://twitter.com/MightBeDamian/status/859146811486998529 - Jodie Calussi: Ihr wollt es.. | 80% Challenge: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJNIPuQMk4Y - Lisa Sophie: Wen soll ich bloß wählen? - Entscheidungskrisen | ItsColeslaw: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YEy1_80PqRw - MasterJam: Willkommen in Deutschland (Cover Musik Video “Die Toten Hosen”): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ru91LJ_R6e8 Oh, and here’s some self-promo: - Last #TMIishTuesday: http://mightbedamian.tumblr.com/post/159982754723/tmiishtuesday-59-bi-what-on-bisexuality - All #TMIishTuesdays: mightbedamian.tumblr.com/tagged/tmi - More #TMIishTuesdays on politics: http://mightbedamian.tumblr.com/tagged/mightbeserious - More very cool stuff: www.twitter.com/mightbedamian - Even more very cool stuff: mightbedamian.tumblr.com 
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hippogrif · 8 years
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I’m back?
hello,
 it’s me! I’ve been wondering if after all these years you’d like to meet. . .
seemed fitting since I haven’t really been on this blog for about, at least a full year I think (but it can also be almost 2 years. . . ), I left quite suddenly because of some bad things that life threw at me which made me not able to handle anything really and I haven’t come back here until now.  This post turned out much longer than I expected however, so for those of you who don’t want to read my whole life story here’s the (also quite long) short version first :P
Just recently, for no real reason, I decided to visit here again (actually the reason was that I had a momentary grieving episode and I needed a place to vent and this seemed like a good place to do it) and I found out I kinda miss it. Not the blogging per se (although I kinda want to fangirl over Supergirl with people xD) but more the people I met on here and the community. 
And that’s why I’m making this post, for all of you amazing people. I tagged everyone I can remember knowing on here that I am grateful for having talked to, but I am sure I forgot people so if you’re reading this and we talked, I am also talking about you! I know 2 years is a long time, and I don’t know if you are all still on tumblr (or if anyone wants to even read this) but I just wanted to say thank you for everything, it meant a lot to me and I am genuinly sorry I stopped talking. 
The other part of the message is that I feel like tumblring (is that a verb?) again and so this is my hi I’m back message :P I’m different than I used to be (and following new tv shows and stuff) so I am not sure what I want to tumblr about yet (feel free to give me suggestions ;) ) or how frequent I’ll be here, but I do know it will remain a positive place and it will be active again :)
and now for the long version of my hiatus under the cut :P : 
now comes the (probably too) personal story and waaay too long story of why I left, and what I’ve felt/did since then. It was actually really cathartic to write this, so I am not gonna apologise for the length.
I had a really rough time 2 years ago, My father got cancer and needed surgery, I was failling all of my classes at uni (making me doubt myself) and to top it all off the plane that my aunt and uncle where in was shot down above ukraine (mh17. . .) and so my father was sick and miserable, my sister had a break down, my mother was left to pick up the pieces and I was at the other side of the country alone in my dorm room. It was the worst year of my life, it literally felt like all the air had been blown out of me and the ground had disappeared. And there was a period where I was genuinly depressed I think, even though I never really let myself feel it because I needed to be there for my sister (and my mother, and my father) and I needed to pass my classes during my last chance at uni and I just knew that if I gave in to that feeling that I would never stop crying. And because of that I couldn’t be on here anymore.
I didn’t know how to be the sad one, or how to ask for help. I have always hated feeling like I was burdening someone with my problems, and I’ve never been good at sharing my grief and I did try, just because I couldn’t do it alone and I hoped it would help, but it didn’t. I couldn’t bring up the energy for it, and there was a time where I locked myself away from everyone really (not just tumblr) because I couldn’t give anything but anger and I couldn’t receive anything either and if I couldn’t be good, I’d rather be nothing.
Which was enhanced by the fact that I felt like a cheat, I had always told everyone who needed it that everything eventually works out and life is worth living and to just have faith and love, and then here I was not believing that anymore. It felt like I had lied to everyone I had ever helped (including myself in a way) and it made me feel like I didn’t deserve help (as much as I know it’s ridiculous and if anyone told me that I would tell them that’s bullshit, and hit them in the head before hugging the hell out of them). But I guess that’s just what being depressed feels like. And just being sad I could’ve handled, I’ve been sad before, it was the anger I couldn’t deal with. The only way to get rid of anger is to forgive, and that is precisely what I couldn’t do.
This was my happy place, and I did it not just for myself but for everyone else, I always loved sending nice messages and making people happy and reblog funny things and  just making this a nice place to be, but I couldn’t do that anymore. And because the only things I wanted to reblog where sad things, or rants, and I didn’t want this blog to become a depressing place and so I just stopped altogether. 
I instead focused on helping my sister, like doing everything for her could make up for not helping anyone else (and it helped, as much as my support helped her recover, it helped me recover myself just as much) and I focused on gaining my bachelor degree. I had a weird time at school, because I didn’t feel really motivated and I largely also felt that learning wasn’t the most important thing in life, not if everything else was falling apart.  But I also didn’t want to throw away 3 years of studying because life decided to become unfair. And also maybe because a small part of me did still believe this wasn’t gonna last all my life and so throwing away my future because of the present seemed like a bad idea, not to mention it pissed me off that external events could fuck everything else up so much that I wanted to prove that at least this I could still do. And because I stopped caring about it as much as I used to, I stopped having failure anxiety, it was almost a “fuck it I’m doing it if it kills me” vibe and it got me through, despite everything I (finally, after 6 tries) passed my classes. This year I will hopefully get my bachelor degree and after next year I’ll have my master and I’ll be an honest-to-god engineer!
 And it finally felt like I was at the other end of the storm, I felt proud (and maybe a little shocked) at my own strength, at the fact that I made it. I started enjoying my classes again. I started talking to people again, making friends, being happy-ish. I say happy-ish because the grief isn’t gone yet, sometimes it comes back and hits me like a freight-train. It also changed me and I am still trying to figure out what that means exacly. I am less naive, I stand up for myself more and I know what I want more. But I am also less forgiving, which I don’t like but my friends and family say is not a bad thing.
I am stronger now, there are things I learned from this that have made me better but I still feel like I was fine before too, and I’d rather not have gone through it all (or at least later in life, I am 23 and I have lost more people than some people lose in an entire life time). So as far as acceptance I still have some way to go I guess :P 
But I can see myself getting there, I am still scared the pain and the anger are never gonna go away and maybe they won’t, but I can feel grateful again about my life, I can be happy. And so now I am here again, on tumblr, spilling my guts to all of you :P which is actually a sign I am doing great (or better, let’s not get carried away) because I have always been better at talking about feelings/situations after I stopped feeling them :P 
anyway, for anyone who has read this far, I wish I had some profound findings or wisdoms to give you about all of this. But I don’t, I'm still not sure what it all means, or if it means anything at all, so for now I’m just gonna say thank you for reading this entire novel and I hope you have a nice day :)
x Fay
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Kuch Rang Pyar Ke - Episode 232 (18th Jan, 2017)
It’s been three episodes since the leap, and every single one of them has kept me at the edge of my seat. Okay, okay, I know, it’s a tv show, and not even a suspense one. But what can I do? Every episode is getting us closer and closer to Dev meeting Sonakshi and Suhana, and I can’t take it any longer. But now that Sonakshi and Suhana are in Delhi, we are getting closer to that moment.
Today’s episode starts with the scene where Sonakshi and Suhana leaving for Delhi, and Bijoy being against it. He tells her that he doesn’t trust the people of Delhi anymore (well, the Dixits in particular) and how she should be careful there. But towards the end of the scene, he’s nodding his head to Sonakshi telling him that she will inform them about details on their move to Delhi. What’s his logic behind that?
Sonakshi and Suhana’s car ride in Delhi was an interesting one. No matter how much Sonakshi tries to hide it, she’s really nervous about being in Delhi. After watching today’s episode, I feel like Sonakshi telling Suhana in Monday’s episode, ““Ho sakta hai ke Delhi mein tum unse bhi milo,” was Sonakshi preparing herself that she might run into Dev in Delhi. Even her daughter could sense it, and that’s why asked her, ��Aap kisi ka wait kar rahe ho?”
The scene when she enters the Delhi Bose house was a beautiful one. Sonakshi telling her daughter about the memories she had in that house was bringing back good memories for us too, since that house didn’t have a happy ending pre-leap. Did anyone else notice how she never associated with any memories of Dev from her house? They show the scene of Asha’s birthday, and Dev was there too, but we never got a glimpse of him. She’s had some great times with Dev in that house- Dev coming to her house several times before they even starting dating, Dev sending the puchka wala to her house, and most recently, Dev and Sonakshi’s friendly argument when Bijoy kicks them out of the house.
And of course, the best part of the scene was when Suhana calls Sonakshi a “khargosh.” Oh my God, just let the three of them be a happy family already!!
So today we came to know that Dev doesn’t even stay at the Dixit house anymore, which honestly, I did not expect. I feel like him staying at the Dixit house, and still being indifferent towards everyone in the family would be more convincing in making us feel like the old Dev exists. When he reaches the house, he was pretty blah about everything and everyone, except for Golu. And the best part is that he’s unapologetic about being blah. He’ll still keep his family in his life, it’s just that now, he sees through their insecurities and B.S.
I was waiting for the first conversation between Dev and Ishu post the leap, and it’s not what I expected. I thought Dev would be really lukewarm towards Ishu, and she would feel more sad every time he behaved that way, but nope, nothing of that sort happened. I liked what I saw in today’s episode waaay more than what I was expecting. He’s still the same to her, ensuring that no matter where he goes, he’s going to come back to her. Ishu talking about Sonakshi came out of nowhere. And as soon as Dev hears Sonakshi’s name, you can see how he looks all around, but cannot see eye to eye with his mom, because he knows that even hearing Sonakshi’s name still affects him.
Finally, the writers addressed my questions about Elena and Sonakshi’s post leap relationship. So, it’s obvious that Elena didn’t bother to even contact her family, and she feels bad about it. She tells Dev, “Please Dev Bhai, this is unfair. Aapko pata hain main hamesha aap logo ke saath khadi rahi hoon, aur aap aisa bol rahe hain?” I don’t understand why she couldn’t at least talk to her family every now and then, but maybe there’s an explanation for that too. When he tells Elena that Sonakshi is in Delhi, you can see Elena’s face light up. But Dev is very pokerface when he mentioned that Sonakshi was in Delhi.
The whole “Bose sisters ko kabhi meri samajh aayegi hi nahi, kabhi mujhe sahi maanenge hi nahi. But it’s okay, mujhe aadat ho gyai hain.” taunt has so much meaning behind it. Dev was clearly trying to say that Sonakshi never gave him a chance to explain why he did what he did. Even in the last episode pre-leap, Dev is telling her, “Sonakshi, I’m telling you, woh sab galti se hua, please usse bhool jaao,” and she’s not even ready to listen to him, and just tries to oppose everything he says. Dev saying that to Elena also means that he’s trying so hard to prove that Sonakshi means nothing to him, so it’s okay to taunt her.
Dev and Sonakshi’s face off at the function is a scene I cannot wait to watch tomorrow. I’m so excited for it. Also, thank you writers, for not prolonging and unnecessarily dramatizing their much awaited meet. Dev walking in with a flask shows us that Dev really hasn’t changed much. After staying away from Sonakshi, Dev still cannot talk to her when he’s in his senses, just like he couldn’t when Sonakshi and Rithvik went on their date and on their engagement day.
Everyone’s been talking about Dev taking Sonakshi’s award from her. What’s that about? Does he physically take the award from her? I guess we’ll know tomorrow.
Ooo, a very random opinion, but Shaheer Sheikh should really keep his stubble for Dev’s character. It’s suiting him a lot.
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