#ohlumos

[directedbyford]

make me choose: ↳ asked by anon : dramione or drarry?

[hippogrif]

I’m back?

hello,

 it’s me! I’ve been wondering if after all these years you’d like to meet. . .

seemed fitting since I haven’t really been on this blog for about, at least a full year I think (but it can also be almost 2 years. . . ), I left quite suddenly because of some bad things that life threw at me which made me not able to handle anything really and I haven’t come back here until now.  This post turned out much longer than I expected however, so for those of you who don’t want to read my whole life story here’s the (also quite long) short version first :P

Just recently, for no real reason, I decided to visit here again (actually the reason was that I had a momentary grieving episode and I needed a place to vent and this seemed like a good place to do it) and I found out I kinda miss it. Not the blogging per se (although I kinda want to fangirl over Supergirl with people xD) but more the people I met on here and the community. 

And that’s why I’m making this post, for all of you amazing people. I tagged everyone I can remember knowing on here that I am grateful for having talked to, but I am sure I forgot people so if you’re reading this and we talked, I am also talking about you! I know 2 years is a long time, and I don’t know if you are all still on tumblr (or if anyone wants to even read this) but I just wanted to say thank you for everything, it meant a lot to me and I am genuinly sorry I stopped talking. 

The other part of the message is that I feel like tumblring (is that a verb?) again and so this is my hi I’m back message :P I’m different than I used to be (and following new tv shows and stuff) so I am not sure what I want to tumblr about yet (feel free to give me suggestions ;) ) or how frequent I’ll be here, but I do know it will remain a positive place and it will be active again :)

and now for the long version of my hiatus under the cut :P : 

now comes the (probably too) personal story and waaay too long story of why I left, and what I’ve felt/did since then. It was actually really cathartic to write this, so I am not gonna apologise for the length.

I had a really rough time 2 years ago, My father got cancer and needed surgery, I was failling all of my classes at uni (making me doubt myself) and to top it all off the plane that my aunt and uncle where in was shot down above ukraine (mh17. . .) and so my father was sick and miserable, my sister had a break down, my mother was left to pick up the pieces and I was at the other side of the country alone in my dorm room. It was the worst year of my life, it literally felt like all the air had been blown out of me and the ground had disappeared. And there was a period where I was genuinly depressed I think, even though I never really let myself feel it because I needed to be there for my sister (and my mother, and my father) and I needed to pass my classes during my last chance at uni and I just knew that if I gave in to that feeling that I would never stop crying. And because of that I couldn’t be on here anymore.

I didn’t know how to be the sad one, or how to ask for help. I have always hated feeling like I was burdening someone with my problems, and I’ve never been good at sharing my grief and I did try, just because I couldn’t do it alone and I hoped it would help, but it didn’t. I couldn’t bring up the energy for it, and there was a time where I locked myself away from everyone really (not just tumblr) because I couldn’t give anything but anger and I couldn’t receive anything either and if I couldn’t be good, I’d rather be nothing.

Which was enhanced by the fact that I felt like a cheat, I had always told everyone who needed it that everything eventually works out and life is worth living and to just have faith and love, and then here I was not believing that anymore. It felt like I had lied to everyone I had ever helped (including myself in a way) and it made me feel like I didn’t deserve help (as much as I know it’s ridiculous and if anyone told me that I would tell them that’s bullshit, and hit them in the head before hugging the hell out of them). But I guess that’s just what being depressed feels like. And just being sad I could’ve handled, I’ve been sad before, it was the anger I couldn’t deal with. The only way to get rid of anger is to forgive, and that is precisely what I couldn’t do.

This was my happy place, and I did it not just for myself but for everyone else, I always loved sending nice messages and making people happy and reblog funny things and  just making this a nice place to be, but I couldn’t do that anymore. And because the only things I wanted to reblog where sad things, or rants, and I didn’t want this blog to become a depressing place and so I just stopped altogether. 

I instead focused on helping my sister, like doing everything for her could make up for not helping anyone else (and it helped, as much as my support helped her recover, it helped me recover myself just as much) and I focused on gaining my bachelor degree. I had a weird time at school, because I didn’t feel really motivated and I largely also felt that learning wasn’t the most important thing in life, not if everything else was falling apart.  But I also didn’t want to throw away 3 years of studying because life decided to become unfair. And also maybe because a small part of me did still believe this wasn’t gonna last all my life and so throwing away my future because of the present seemed like a bad idea, not to mention it pissed me off that external events could fuck everything else up so much that I wanted to prove that at least this I could still do. And because I stopped caring about it as much as I used to, I stopped having failure anxiety, it was almost a “fuck it I’m doing it if it kills me” vibe and it got me through, despite everything I (finally, after 6 tries) passed my classes. This year I will hopefully get my bachelor degree and after next year I’ll have my master and I’ll be an honest-to-god engineer!

 And it finally felt like I was at the other end of the storm, I felt proud (and maybe a little shocked) at my own strength, at the fact that I made it. I started enjoying my classes again. I started talking to people again, making friends, being happy-ish. I say happy-ish because the grief isn’t gone yet, sometimes it comes back and hits me like a freight-train. It also changed me and I am still trying to figure out what that means exacly. I am less naive, I stand up for myself more and I know what I want more. But I am also less forgiving, which I don’t like but my friends and family say is not a bad thing.

I am stronger now, there are things I learned from this that have made me better but I still feel like I was fine before too, and I’d rather not have gone through it all (or at least later in life, I am 23 and I have lost more people than some people lose in an entire life time). So as far as acceptance I still have some way to go I guess :P 

But I can see myself getting there, I am still scared the pain and the anger are never gonna go away and maybe they won’t, but I can feel grateful again about my life, I can be happy. And so now I am here again, on tumblr, spilling my guts to all of you :P which is actually a sign I am doing great (or better, let’s not get carried away) because I have always been better at talking about feelings/situations after I stopped feeling them :P 

anyway, for anyone who has read this far, I wish I had some profound findings or wisdoms to give you about all of this. But I don’t, I'm still not sure what it all means, or if it means anything at all, so for now I’m just gonna say thank you for reading this entire novel and I hope you have a nice day :)

x Fay

[hogwartsceremonials]

Game

Tagged by @cptainvers, thank you <3

Rules: tag 20 followers you’d like to get to know better

Nickname: Karol, Finha, Karolzinha, Rocha, Bovary, Pessoa, Liesel

Gender: cis female

Astrological Sign: Aries

Height: around 5′2′’

Sexuality: lesbian

Hogwarts House: Ravenclaw

Favourite Animal: cat, horse, phoenix, hippogriff

Number of Blankets: two when it’s cold (like now)

Where I’m From: Brazil

Dream Trip: Europe, the pubs, the museums, the cottages, the castles, landscapes, mountains, etc

When I Created This Account: Well, the oldest post is from January 28, 2011, but I believe it’s a little older.

Why I Created This Account: to be up to date with Harry Potter content and also interact with other fans. We were waiting for The Deathly Hallows on the movies.

Tags: remember you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to!! 💫

@siriusblacktothefuture @family-lestrange @crystallisedpineapple @alansrickman @mione @ohlumos @expecctopatronum @baronweasley @opressedwhitemale @pulvering @torredagrifinoria @lilyylunapotter @wizrdingblood @phoebebuffaye @sorteliquida @driacomalfoy @sorcieres-witches @narcissymalfoy @writingwitchly @wandaomanov

[folkremedies]

Alphabet Ask

tagged by @furnuncullus​ ((thanks boo)) 

Rules are to answer the alphabet questions then tag 10 people that you want to get to know ✨✨

A-age? 19

B-birthplace? San Francisco

C-current time? 11:45 pm

D-drink you last had? soymilk

E-easiest person to talk to? not 2 be gay but my wife (carmel) or my bf nathaniel 

F-favorite song? Like Bells by Paul Baribeau 

G-grossest memory? ((TW insects)) Once I opened a container of all natural hair stuff I had purchased from a co op in the spring and when I looked inside there was no product.. only ants. 

H-horror yes or horror no? yes when written, no when seen 

I-in love? WITH THE WORLD 

J-jealous? of whom? 

L-love at first sight? I’m gay so ya 

M-middle name? Kimble :^O 

N-number of siblings? a single little bro 

O-one wish? I wish that dogs could vote :^/ 

P-person you last called? The front desk of my school so I could get a shuttle from my work to my dorm lol 

Q-question you are always asked?  ‘How tall are you?’ 

R-reason to smile? Bread :) 

S-song you last sang? Lovefool by the Cardigans 

T-time you woke up? 10:55am 

U-underwear color? fun fact: I exclusively wear black undies 

V-vacation destination? Kaui! Or Barbados 

W-worst habit? never doing a goddamn thing (bolded from rowan’s already perfect answer tbh) 

X-xrays? just my teeth when I go to my dentist annuals 

Y-your favourite food? French fries and pickles and kim bap 

Z-zodiac?Libra sun and that’s all I really care about tbh 

It’s been years since I’ve had more than ten tumblr friends but I’m trying my best to start talking to people!! So I tag @mxlfoydraco @disneyprinceronweasley @theodorenctt @ohlumos @sparkelgarbage @officialplants @unpoet @avxda-kedxvra @harrypotterr & @saintdrarry

Anyone else who read this all the way through can do it too! I promise if you tag me that i’ll read your answers 

[violetsbaudelaire-archive]

tagged by @marvuders (thanks!)

rules: put your music on shuffle and write down the first 13 songs that come up to make the soundtrack to your life

title song:  in my life from les miserables (2012)

waking up scene: kid in love by shawn mendes

falling in love scene: FU by miley cyrus

first date scene: bloom by troye sivan

fight scene: fearless by taylor swift

tragic death scene: man in the mirror by michael jackson

mental breakdown: i wan’na be like you by fall out boy (cover) // raise your glass by p!nk

driving scene: i slept with someone in fall out boy and all i got was this stupid song written about me  by fall out boy

serious monologue: aftertaste by shawn mendes

flashback: gorgeous by taylor swift

kiss scene: pirelli’s miracle elixir from sweeney todd (2007)

party scene: dancing’s not a crime by panic! at the disco

ending song: take a bow by rihanna 

tagging: @winston-wilson @eddiekaspbraks @remusmoopin @tis-is-i-the-sarcastic-fangirl @unfortunate-stranger-losers @ironarm @ohlumos 

[peacefulwriter88]

Tagging: @microgirl8225 @geminimoonbeamx @starless-skyox @ohlumos @tacohead13 @chrisevansdaddycap

I was tagged by @iwantutobehapppier​ to do the Urban Dictionary Game. Well, this isn’t totally wrong. I wish I had dark hair and I really shouldn’t sing. lol I don’t mind a fight for a good cause… 

This was fun. I tag @imanuglywombat @omega-nicole @caffiend-queen @saiyanprincessswanie @official-and-unstable-satan @sweater-daddiesdumbdork

[dracomalfoys]

I'm looking for some new blogs to follow, who would you recommend?

there are so many amazing blogs on this site, but since you didn’t specify what kinda blogs you’re looking for i’m just gonna put in a mixture of some faves:

@wondcrwomans, @karlmordo, @stripperanakin, @starksren, @primrosie, @jugheadjiones, @lupins, @taurielsilvan, @targayrens, @tarjei-sandvikks, @tanglcd, @undomiel, @malfoynarcissa, @obiwanenobi, @spacevoyages, @jynersso, @ludilin, @slytherih, @hosgmeade, @zonnkos, @claudesmonet, @barryallhan, @pctter, @tinagoldtsein, @shostakovas, @nyotauhurra, @nevillles, @mjwatson, @matthew-daddario, @tedystaleva, @yikesevans, @poedamxron, @tomhollands, @tomshardy, @toms-hollands, @wandaspaprikash, @diegolunha, @ohlumos, @ohhmarauders, @petermaximoff, @hcathledger, @hcgwarts, @stormborn, @mightystark, @frostgiants, @suisidesquad, @originalpercival, @aeryastark, @njmphadora, @owvlery, @dqrthvader, @nargles, @spiderholland, @padmaspatil, @jacontodd @rcnbweasley, @scorpiusmlfy, @brucewayneh, @bruuce, @pavechekov, @fleurbelacour, @fleurdealcours, @spidersgirl, @morganalefays, @aslyium, and last but not least @siriusblacc

as i said this is only a few of the amazing people i follow so go check out my blogroll or my latest follow forever because tbh you should follow all of them!!!

[professorlupins]

which are some of your favorite hp blogs and creators?

Please don’t consider this a follow forever, but rather an answer. I don’t like saying someone or another is a favorite, because there are a lot of fantastic posts on this site, and I don’t catch them all. I’m actually pretty awful at keeping up with my dash. However, there are people whom I tend to reblog a lot because I love their posts, and there are bloggers I enjoy talking to, even though our posts and blogs are very different. The following is a list of blogs from which I find a lot of what I reblog, but I also find a lot of random nice posts from various tags that I track.

Groups: @dailywizardingworld @magicfolk @dailypotter @gifharrypotter @dailyharryjpotter @dailywizardwheezes @harrypotterdailly @harrypottersource @fantasticbeasts @dailyfantasticbeastsgifs @pottersource  @hpgifs

Dedicated HP blogs where the bloggers are also creators: @abloodymass @knockturnallley @ginnyweaslays  @meraudurs @hugvvarts @ohlumos @pottersir (I have a little difficulty keeping track of personal hp blogs because they keep changing their urls)

Multi-fandom and/or personal blogs with HP creators: @timeladv @richard-grayson @severusnapers  @misstinagoldstein @arthurpendragonns @jim-kirk @lexaism @queensweasley @masha-russia  @jeremy-jordans @osswin-stan @miones @spidehman @alanprickman (some of these post more hp on their blogs than others)

HP news and reblogs: @mugglenet 

I know I’ve forgotten some people/groups, and I’ll kick myself later. Also, some of the best HP blogs on this site are made almost entirely of reblogs, but I’ve failed to list them in this post.

[folkremedies]

I was tagged by @ghostneville !  rules: tag ten of your followers you want to know better Name: Jones  Nicknames: I don’t get nicknames because my name is already so short (something that I am endlessly embittered by)  Gender: Cis-ish girl  Height: 5 ft 11in Star Sign: Libra baby!  Hogwarts House: Slytherin Average hours of sleep:: Probably around 6-7.5?  Current Time: 9:46pm Dog or Cat person: i don’t believe in the binary but also 100% cats oh my god  Blankets you sleep with: Right now there are 3 or 4 !  Dream Trip: the Classic™ trip around Europe  When I made this blog: Like 2012 y’all i’m a fucking mess  Number of followers: 1886   Why I made a tumblr:  My best friend made me because she wanted me to be her fiftieth follower and because she said it was a better fanfiction community than FFN (it was 8th grade, okay?)  Reason for my URL: I love him. So much.  tagging: @mxlfoydraco @theodorenctt @drarrys @gayjewishbucky @gaysun @softchink @drerry @durmstranqs @ohlumos  didn’t quite get to ten but 9 is a way better number anyway! ofc y’all don’t have 2 participate if you don’t want to 

[luxiusmalfoy]

so i just wanted to do a lil late valentines day post to say i love you lots to all my fabulous mutuals. thank you for being so wonderful, brightening up my dash & putting up with me. y’all are the best

a-d @1895 @acciopeverell @alohmohra @alrightevans @animaegus @asexualsiriusblack @aubadezayn @aweasleywizard @biliusronald @bisexualmalfoy @blushingtroye @boytoymalfoy @cedrcdiggcry @clracomalfoy @clonebqy @confundo @cozypotter @cremebunny @crookshankx @dailypotter @deatheaters @dissendixm @diydrarry @dracomahlfoys @dracomalfouy @dumbledore @durstrang

e-i @eldcrwand @ewatson @expecto-patronox @fantastlcbeasts @fettisak @feverfudges @fiendfyred @fleamcnt @flourishandblotted @ginnyweaslays @goldentrio @goldsteinqueenie @grangr @gxnnyweasley @hckat @hermiionegrangers @hermioniegranger @hispotter @hmionegrangr @hogwaarts @hogwartianos @hogworms​

j-m @jamespctterr @jammespotter @jr-marauder @jcstcns @leakycauldrcn @lilieswho @lordmalfoy @lumoslives @lupinpotter @maisiewillaim @malfoyishness @marrauder @matthishelvar @montparnaesthetic @moonshoespotterr @mrs-marauders @murderousmalfoy @mxlfoydraco

n-q @naqini @occlumxncy @ofstagsanddoes @ohdumbledore @ohlumos​ @ohnewtscamander @ohremus @paddfoot @panzyparkinson @pining-keith @potterbird @potterd @pottern @pottersir @pparknson @prongs-foot @prongsno @pronqsie @puveblood @pvreblooded @quaffl @queenie-goldstein

t-u @reguluz @remusloopin @remusmoopin @remuz @romweasley @ronahld @ronwealseys @scaredpotter @sccrpius @scteumsempra @severingsnapes @shutupweasley @sophiefrench77 @snatchersunite @snuhffles @stuckwith-harry @sugaesque @teddylupi @themalfoymanner @tosserpotter @triwizardry

v-z @victoiredelacoure​ @vitruvians @voldemortsdead @voldemxrt​ @wildeflower​ @zcbini @zoonko

ps. so so sorry if we are mutuals on a side blog; tumblr won’t recognise it as existing when i search for any of them so shoot me a message if i’ve left you off!!

[pronqsie]

20 questions tag game

I was tagged by @hermionejean, thank you darling <3 

Rules: answer the 20 questions and tag 20 amazing followers you’d like to get to know better!

Name | Mariana Nicknames | Mari or Nana Zodiac sign | Scorpio Height | 5′2 Orientation | Heterosexual Nationality | Brazilian Favorite fruit | Mango Favorite season | Winter Favorite book | The Song of Achilles Favorite flower | waxflower Favorite scent | Vanilla Favorite color | Green Favorite animal | Wolf Coffee, tea, or hot cocoa | Hot cocoa Average sleep hours | 8 Cat or dog person | Dog Favorite fictional character | Remus Lupin Number of blankets you sleep with | 1 Dream trip | London (again) Blog created | 2011 Number of followers | almost 12k 

I tag @muqqlestudies @petuniaevans @ollivandirs @paddfoot @hufflespuff @nxrcissamxlfoy @ohlumos @professorlockhart @jamespctterr @hogwartianos @paddfoot @knockturnallley @i-0bliviate @gxldentrio @confundo @luxiusmalfoy @slyherin @scaredpotter @biliusronald @voldemxrt

[wickedraco]

rules: answer the questions & then tag 10 people!

i was tagged by @peggy-caarter thanks ♥

a - age: 17

b - biggest fear: becoming boring and loosing my friends

c - current time: 3pm

d - drink you last had: passion fruit juice

e - every day starts with: me questioning all my life’s decisions²

f - favourite song: re-bye/akdong musician

g - ghosts, are they real: maybe?

h - hometown: somewhere in Brazil

i - in love with: skandar keynes

j - jealous of: people who don’t have acne

k - killed someone: not yet

l - last time you cried: some hours ago? but from happiness

m - middle name: Kezen

n - number of siblings: 1

o - one wish: learn to make friends

p - person you last called/texted: called - my mom; texted - my best friend

q - question you’re always asked: why have you chosen this course if your personality doesn’t suit it?

r - reason to smile: good songs, talking with my friends, when people are nice

s - song last sung: OhNaNa - Kard

t - time you woke up: 8am and i hate myself for it

u - underwear colour: blue

v - vacation destination: expectation-europe reality-some close beach

w - worst habit: being so embarassed of everything and never start a conversation 

x - x-rays you’ve had: i don’t remember

y - your favourite food: an ukranian meal that i don’t remember the name

z - zodiac sign: cancer

♥ i tag: @isaacsnoora @confundo @beadukes @ohlumos @oswinsoswald @gladersqueen @pcctters @rebelamy @herboloqy @timeturnr 

[scamhunder]

Hi there! I'm a new hp blog and was wondering if you could recommend some blogs to follow? I really like yours, btw

thank you! so basically there are the big blogs like @magicfolk @gifharrypotter @dailypotter @pottersource @fantasticbeasts@harrypotterdailly @dailyfantasticbeastsgifs and so on, and there are my personal favs:@snivellusriddikulus @pottern @professorlockhart @remusjohnslupin @severusnapers @knockturnallley @lvnalovgood @ginevraweasel @divinesaber @ohlumos @ohdumbledore @stuckwith-harry​ @snuhffles​and many more bc i can’t remember everyone :c check out my blogroll for more blogs :) take care!

[queerafdonna]

My Tumblr Crushes:

iskysolo

poetdameron

bisexualbarba

sithofren

ohlumos

fuckyeahladiesofthemcu

breathtakingqueens

dailyevanstan

midgardiannerd

[purebloodhorcrux]

My Tumblr Crushes:

gxldentrio

gellertgrindelward

cursedmalfoy

braveremus

ohlumos

mxlfoydraco

nolivingunderstarlight

avxda-kedxvra

dailypotter

[stolenletters]