#this place is not meant for humans
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Books of 2024: ALWAYS NORTH by Vicki Jarrett.
To me, the scariest place on our entire planet is the Arctic, partially because the scariest thing on our entire planet are polar bears, which have been stalking my nightmares since middle school. So, of course, when I saw a fucked-up polar bear on the cover of a weird and fucked up maybe mystery maybe thriller definitely apocalyptic sci-fi adjacent book that takes place in the Arctic, I thought, "Oh yeah I should definitely start reading that at nighttime IMMEDIATELY while winter still nibbles on the edges of the weather, this is foolproof."
Reader: I am the Fool™.
I'm 80 pages in, and so far we've got weird inexplicable shit going on that we're trying to ignore, and we've been warned about bears SO Many Times All Over The Place (yikes), and we're now being stalked by a polar bear who has a History with the captain (borderline Moby Dick but make it a vicious land-capable predator), and time is fake because it's Always Daylight and we are doing Science on a Boat but make it Evil Capitalism also, and there's some neat textual framework going on with chapter headers, and I'm excited to see where this all goes!!
#books of 2024#books#book photography#my photography#always north#vicki jarrett#unsung stories#i got this when unsung stories closed up shop and went out of business btw#i really wanted a different volume but they were selling off all their physical inventory for very discounted#and 'weird fucked up sff/horror' is my jam and that's what they pub#i put this one on the list as Driscoll Adjacent and i'm delighted to report that once again my vibe checks are IMMACULATE#there is SO MUCH DRISCOLL ADJACENT SHIT IN THIS I LOVE IT#time is weird#you're being watched#bears you can't see are more dangerous than bears you can see#there's so much blood#everything is fuzzy and nothing feels real#landscape markers are unreliable#technology on the fritz#this place is not meant for humans#oh there's a line in here too about how polar bears are like cats because they're curious lmaoooo#i had a sympathy wince for lucius too XD#in btw#driscoll#crimson#aw#lucius#polar bear#ANYWAY I'M HAVING A GOOD TIME SO FAR WHAT DREAD WHAT ANXIETY#have yet to actually have polar bear nightmares again fortunately
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Gear Station is not haunted. No, Gear Station is alive and well.
A bit of an explanation below the cut:
I had this idea at the end of September, and it has had me in a death grip ever since.
I've always had a fascination with stories about haunted houses, of which aren't haunted by ghosts or demons or monsters, but are instead deemed haunted because the House itself is Alive. The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson, Anatomy by KittyHorrorShow, House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski, just to name a few.
But after a while, it got me thinking; if a House could be Haunted, then what else could? What about other feats of architecture? How about ships or stations?
And if Houses learn to hate because they are abandoned by humanity, can other places learn to love because they are loved by humanity?
Anyways, this is a very VERY long-winded way to say that two of my special interests have combined into the idea of Gear Station itself being Alive and watching over the twins and its other inhabitants. Hopefully nothing bad happens after realizing an eldritch Being is possessing your workplace, and I hope nothing bad further happens after realizing it Knows you! 🫶 surely nothing can go wrong!
#submas#houses that hate. ships that sing. stories that are reflections of humanity cast onto things not meant to feel.#GOD I love the idea of horrors just beyond our comprehension taking the forms of places that we should recognize and turning them into-#-into something hostile and meant to trap us#but! ramblings aside#ive got a general idea of what i want to do with this. but i Do Not Draw Fast 🫶 and I have a lot of ideas already on the backburner :(#but i'll be working on it behind the scenes :)#submas ingo#ingo#my art#project: bayer
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they've been potentially changing a lot with the shadow manga, but since maria's final words to shadow were how she loves him and amy's conversation with shadow in the joypolis collab was about how he is loved, i like to think sonic team is still hinting at amy's ability to touch his heart lol
#shadamy#the only tag i'm brave enough to add it too lol#ik we still speculatin on if the manga is meant to be canon but i think it both is and isn't lol#if only for the handful of beats the manga has that line up with dark beginnings#like sonic team can go crazy go stupid and actually make that gyoro alien a thing in the game LOL#black doom having that big of a role with maria's death is Much™#but i've personally been reading it as both black doom and gerald fcking with shadow's memories#gerald had a lot of rage towards the humans for raiding the ark in the first place#black doom is just an asshole who wants his 'greatest creation' all for himself so he used that alien to kill maria#but gerald never knew that himself and blamed gun so he altered shadow's memories without the full context#that's how i've been thinking it's supposed to go down lol#anyway here's to hoping down the road amy will still be leading shadow down brighter paths mostly unintentionally lol#that joypolis thing showed amy wanting to stand toe to toe with sonic and shadow and may she get that focus eventually 😌😌😌#vee is arting
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Let’s talk Yi City Arc! I’ve seen a few posts since my time in the fandom that talks about the Yi City Arc as unnecessary or out of place in the whole of the mdzs narrative. I’ve even seen some suggest that the disconnect is because Yi City was originally a separate story to mdzs, a sort of prototype, if you will, to explain it away. I, too, after my first read questioned the significance of this arc to the overall story. However, the Yi City arc and its placement so early in the novel is actually just a huge and very clever spoiler to most of the important plot points of the overarching story… if you know what plot points to look for, which an un-spoiled first-time reader would not. So let’s talk about those spoilers:
1) The righteous cultivation clans’ refusal to stand against evil—and, really, their indulgence of it—leads to the wiping out of an entire clan and a monastery as well as the deaths of two powerful cultivators unaffiliated with any major sect.
The “righteous” cultivation clans happily ignore that fact that the Jin Clan is amassing power through unscrupulous guest disciples, and it is only when Xiao Xingchen, an outsider, brings the crime against the Chang Clan to light do they bother to pretend to do anything about it. However behind the scenes, the Jin Clan assassinates their only real opposition, and the other clans, great and small, continue to do nothing as Xue Yang is released to commit another massacre. The Jin are never held responsible for their actions. Likewise, all the clans turn away from Wei Wuxian, an outsider, when he calls out the Jin Clan’s crimes against the Wen remnants and accuses them of amassing power via poaching vassal clans and attempting to steal his tools. Behind the scenes, the Jin work to undermine Wei Wuxian’s reputation before joining in to massacre Wei Wuxian and the Wen remnants. The Jin are never held accountable for this, which directly leads into the Xue Yang situation.
2) Xiao Xingchen has his reputation slandered by Xue Yang killing others using his sword.
After Xiao Xingchen kills himself, Xue Yang begins using his sword to enact “vengeance” on the remnants of the Chang Clan, who he considers as having “betrayed” Xiao Xingchen. Finding the signature of Xiao Xingchen’s sword on the slain bodies leads the cultivation world to believe that a disillusioned Xiao Xingchen is killing in revenge. In much the same way, Wei Wuxian is used as a scapegoat by the cultivation world whenever bad things happen, such as the presence of walking corpses or the mass digging of graves. In neither situation does any clan investigate the true events of the situations, happy to blame the easiest suspect and allow the unrest to continue. In both situations, Xiao Xingchen and Wei Wuxian are eventually found innocent of the crimes for which they are accused, and the true culprit is revealed.
3) Xiao Xingchen is betrayed by someone he considered close to him, which eventually leads to his death.
Xiao Xingchen, due to being literally blinded by his sacrifice, ends up running into, rescuing, and caring for his mortal enemy, Xue Yang. Taking advantage of Xiao Xingchen’s blindness, Xue Yang tricks him into murdering a bunch of innocents and his best friend, causing him to commit suicide. Wei Wuxian, similarly, is betrayed by a close friend he kept near, figuratively blinded by a former childhood friendship and the present debt he felt owed to said friend’s parents. This misplaced trust directly leads to his death.
4) Xiao Xingchen must give up his eyes for Song Lan to see again, because Baoshan Sanren is not magical.
This is probably the biggest spoiler of the entire arc, but by the time you get to where this information is relevant, you’d probably have forgotten that this was even said. Xue Yang blinds Song Lan after destroying his home, and to atone for this, Xiao Xingchen goes to his master, Baoshan Sanren, to beg for her help. However, Baoshan Sanren cannot make something out of nothing. Mxtx explicitly writes that tidbit into the narration. Song Lan goes up the mountain blind and comes down with eyes. Xiao Xingchen goes up the mountain with eyes and comes down blind. Song Lan was given Xiao Xingchen’s eyes.
Much later in the story, Jiang Cheng loses his golden core. Wei Wuxian offers the miracle solution of Baoshan Sanren “giving” him a new one. Jiang Cheng, obviously skeptical, questions Wei Wuxian up until the moment he must go up “Baoshan Sanren’s mountain” alone. Wei Wuxian descends, alone, looking pale and weak. Later, when Wei Wuxian is ambushed by the Wen, Wen “Core-melting Hand” Zhuliu touches him and is visibly shocked by a discovery that he then keeps to himself. Jiang Cheng emerges from the mountain with a new golden core, while Wei Wuxian emerges from the Burial Mounds with a new cultivation method wholly independent of the need for a golden core. The Yi City arc tells us why this is: “Baoshan Sanren” cannot make something out of nothing.
And these are just the major parallels I remember off the top of my head. However, while a reread makes a lot of these parallels directly applicable to specific plot points in Wei Wuxian’s own story, I would argue that the biggest role the explicit paralleling is meant to play for a new reader is to make you question the dominant narrative of the main story. The narration tells us that Wei Wuxian is a bloodthirsty man who may as well be a demon, known for cruelty and vengeance. We see none of that from his character when he is resurrected. Then we get a mini-drama where a man with attributes Wei Wuxian directly relates to, with a story Wei Wuxian directly compares to his own life, is scapegoated by society, killed, then eventually vindicated. If nothing else, the Yi City Arc is meant to make you, as a reader, stop and go “Hey, wait a minute, what if Wei Wuxian isn’t the bad guy here???” And once you understand that, you should start questioning everything the prologue told you, just like the juniors start to question what they were told about Xiao Xingchen post Yi City in their group debrief.
#mdzs#human metas mxtx#this post is meant for someone#that i regret not responding directly to#but it was just their informal final thoughts and opinions after having just finished mdzs#and one of those thoughts was ‘yi city arc felt out of place’#you’re not meant to leave the yi city arc going ‘why was that necessary?’#you are meant to be like the juniors and go ‘hey what if I’m being lied to by someone?’
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hello there, angel
[ID: Digital illustration in color of Vash and Wolfwood from Trigun Maximum. Vash is sitting facing the viewer and holds a rose between his clasped together hands, but he’s looking to the left, upwards, at Wolfwood, with an awed expression. Wolfwood hovers over him with wings sprouting from his back. He has a cigarette lit between his lips, his arms and legs are crossed, and he looks back at Vash with a neutral expression. The both of them are covered in a blue shadow, casted by Wolfwood and his hovering form, while warm light hits the back of his wings and over Vash’s legs. Small feathers sits next to Vash. End ID]
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#this is not meant to mean anything btw i just wanted to draw wolfwood as an angle#i love angel and follower depiction but i also think wolfwood is just the most angelic human being ever#he was sent to guide him... he protects him... he Saved him#i mean they both just think of each other as the most good they've seen in the world in a really long time#and in turn makes themselves coil and feel a little more disgusted with themselves. but they're also so Good to each other that they can#start to believe that they can be that good too.#they love each other so much and theyve never loved anyone else like this before so i can just imagine the heights their love can reach#endless pouring of affection in a way they can only keep to their own chest in fear they'd never be able to let go otherwise#that is to say i just feel like they'd worship each other and it's probably excessive but i feel like they both really deserve it#i did not even mean to go on that tangent but back on topic -- i just love angel wolfwood depiction in a way that's Normal......#need more of vash saying cheesy shit like youre my light wolfwood!!!! and wolfwood beating the shit out of him like WHAT ARE YOU SAYING!!!#which is why i have a tablet in the first place. my mission in the world...#ruporas art
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Howdy just wanted to let you know how much I love your fantasy AI and how cute the designs are!
Assuming you meant Fantasy AU haha- Thank you! Ive admittedly been playing with their design a little in the background (And it hink I posted some sketches before? though im unsure if I tagged them) since some of them looked. a little too human ((sorry archie i LOVE selkies but untransformed it truly is just a fur coat. which. isnt great for a more tropical setting)) but the core of it has never changed lol I love modern fantasy
The designs are half inspired by Pokémon now, though not tooooo intensly.
Max is still mosty faun, but leant a little more into full furry for him I guess. Cope old man.
Archie has been changed from selkie which HORTS but alas i lacked the skills to draw him cool. He's just a general mercreature now. He has legs but he's half fish in design he can breathe underwater. You get it
Others I've had thoughts on:
May gets to be torchic in harpy form. She's a rare case, as she can naturally do some magic! She can Breathe Fire. Very fun for her parents. She can't fly, but she can kind of flutter- which is great for parkouring around! Active kid. Due to lacking arms/hands she uses her legs/talons for most things instead
I want Courtney to be Meowstic inspired, probably with some/devil/demon inspo for the monster part? But I admittedly haven't thought of a design Im happy with yet. She also has some natural magic! Again, not supposed to be very common. She can levitate stuff and throw around psychic shockwaves if she's mad. She tried studying to be a witch for a little while, but she didn't really like it.
Lisia is Mostly Just Regular Lisia except the cloud fluff on her outfit is part of her lol. She's a combination of Swablu inspired and a full on wind spirit. She looks normal most of the time but if a strong wind catches on her physical form literally temporarily blows away into clouds. She can control the condensation in the air around her- which is almost entirely useless, except she can use it to create rainbows behind her. Great idol trick
Zinnia gets some fun dragon traits, and also lives up to her Lorekeeper title. While there's plenty of common spells written down and going around, Zinnia has access to and protects a lot of more powerfull forgotten stuff. Most imporantly Delta Magic, which... Functions via Totally Not Mega Stones, and allows the user unlimited access to type magic for as long as it's active. It's pretty draining, but it's the only time that actual world changing magic can be made to happen, rather then more mundane or minor stuff
#ribbon answers#fantasy au#the great big fantasy au revamp i guess#i like worldbuilding so this all happened a while back thinkng about the worldbuilding lol#still not at a place im happy with it so i might change it Even More#but i just like the idea of modern fantasy. mermaid but she runs a hairsalon in town and does your hair while chillin in an open aquarium#behidn the stool is like. the most fun concept imaginable to me#this world is literally just meant ot be that LOL#but yea. started incoorporating a bit of pokemon in the designs for funsies. and also to make veryone more noticeably not human#some are still more human then others#and theyre all kind of meant to be based on a pokemon but also a creature or monster#so its not one or the other. its mostly supposed to be both
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job applications: this is entry level! anyone can apply!
job applications: ...as long as you've done at least six months of highly specific work, or have this exact degree, or if you kissed a chicken during the last moon of 2012-
#im back in the trenches bois its Not Looking Great#gonna apply to this stupid thing anyway but#it looks like stockin grocery store shelves is the way im gonna go#unless i get Very lucky or manage to bullshit my way into this job#college isn't necessary but Man a lot of places want you to attend. no <3#but noooo instead i have to like. work. till i die. and never make enough money to live comfortably. sigh#sometimes i think to myself 'i should make video essays on youtube and see if that goes anywhere'#and sometimes i think 'i should scribble up things that people would buy and make a shop'#and sometimes i think 'what if i killed someone with a stick. would that be fucked up or what'#absolutely unprompted#AGHHHHHHHH THE BOXES WE AS HUMANITY HAVE LOCKED OURSELVES INTO IM GONNA LOSE IT#i was born to be a handsome decoration / weird little artist for eccentric wealthy people#i was meant to drape myself across a beautiful philanthropist woman's lap and doodle lil animals for her#while she rambles and feeds me grapes#yk. if i did make a shop i could have an extra section for small crochet things#coasters. small hand warmers. tiny shapes. simple cat toys. that sorta thing. quick and easy stuff#i could make them w/ specific colors so that they're subtle fandom themed#i literally have a coaster in damian's robin colors... a black/red SB square...#hm. thinking#oh shit i gotta work on that new commission sheet#OH NO. I FORGOR SOMETHING I SHOULD NOT HAVE FORGOR. I HAVE MADE A LITTLE FUCKY WUCKY#excuse me everyone i have something to finish
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While I intend this blog to remain a largely news-free space due to the constant hellstate of the world, let me be clear that I stand in full support of both the Palestinian and Jewish peoples who are currently experiencing relentless hate and suffering in these horrid times.
I am disgusted at the number of people, especially "progressives" on this website who have used this situation to spread both Islamophobia and Antisemitism. This goes double if you dared to reblog those "punch nazis/fascists <3" and "[x] are welcome here!" posts while in the next breath spreading dangerous fucking narratives that kill people.
So many people in online political spaces evidently see this as nothing more than a case of picking "sides", when ultimately what matters is supporting the oppressed against fascist governments and militias, wherever they are.
Common people will always have more alike with each other than their leaders. This is not a novel concept. Your activism should always be motivated by love and compassion first, and hatred second. If you use your beliefs as an excuse to find an acceptable target to vent your hatred towards regardless of the actual material outcome, you are no fucking activist.
You're a bigot.
#current events#antisemitism#islamophobia#scrawny rambles#scrawny speaks#again i have not been saying much both for the fact that this blog is meant to be a quiet place#and that i do not consider myself to be a reliable source of serious information and/or morals#but regardless i have been watching i have been taking note#i see you i hear you#and while i am currently in no position to materially help right now#the moment i can i will#i don't like signalling this kind of thing because i want it to be evident in how i *act*#but as this cannot be taken as a given i will say this:#you are welcome here. i am so sorry the world is hateful and vile and i wish i could wipe it all away.#you and your folk did nothing to deserve this and you are right to be scared. and i wish to give you my love.#fascism and genocide are not things to be taken lightly. bigoted 'jokes' are vile and dangerous. human life is what's at stake.#we are heading into a wave of hate that has the potential to repeat history in the worst way imaginable. get a fucking grip.#i'm unlikely to address this further as again. reasons stated above. but i wanted to make my stance clear.#it is late as fuck and i'm pissed. people who should know better miss the fucking memo completely.#i'm fucking glad i unfollowed a popular blogger when i did because look what they're posting now. antisemetic 'jokes'.#i really wonder how common this shit truly is. how many people get away with cloaking themselves as 'progressive.'#or perhaps they genuinely think they are. cognitive dissonance is one hell of a drug. fuck them regardless. scum.#you are no progressive. you are a bigot. a leftist bigot is a bigot regardless of how 'revolutionary' you posture to be.#anyhow apologies for any errors. again. it's late. hope you guys are doing well <3
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Why are you focusing on cracking ciphers when you could be focused on Cipher's crack?
#the book of bill#tbob spoilers#the billble spoilers#like am i the only one going insane over this?#the billford stuff is awesome but this changed the way i'm going to look at his character forever#i thought he was such a con man he could somehow cheat death#i thought the “different place different time” meant he was in the statue or the book#i never thought he'd face that serious of repercussions over his actions#he's such a con man he convinced me that he couldn't be hurt - not by a human#if as much time has passed for him as it has for us then i'm not sure if that crack is going away#there's just something about seeing this “all knowing all powerful” entity sustain a (maybe) permanent injury from Some Guy. you know#makes you wonder how much power he even had in the first place. what if he was just some kid with a lighter who never grew up. what then#[personal tag here]
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wah i looove their designs and animation...
#sketched last night looped ''hot air balloon'' track last night rewatched elemental last night you know just how it is....i love it all augh#elemental#elemental 2023#pixar elemental#elemental fanart#ember lumen#wade ripple#it's so fun how just going w/the flow waviness drawing a wade is Correct. some flamey shiveriness / jaggedness in ember's lines is Correct#and it's all the more fun how it's like oh ofc not quite hitting the mark of how great their designs really are....so so good#and of course the expressive elasticity not only with their faces but the way their bodies ft. respective elements can be expressive#in addition to just usual [assume you have a usual literal human body] expressiveness options in posture / movement etc lol#also was thinking about how like we know everything we Need to know re: wade & his dad but also have so [zero details there]#which is interesting to wonder about. kinda assumed like oh a parent got sick & died but now considering how it could've been an accident..#the tiny layer of A Reaction he has when ember's talking abt parents giving up everything for you: could be nothing much; or Anything#also noting i Didn't note the first instances that they hear each other's names or introduce themselves thusly lol#or at least i sure can't recall it. just start knowing the other's name partway through which Isn't A Problem but it's like#ooh just more to consider & reexamine. i love to pick up More Details & that's helped by my difficulty in catching them in the first place#one thing about me i don't Catch things i don't Notice shit i don't Get stuff. and also of course: i do though lol#always a trip when it's like oh i love this movie i'm seeing it probably the two dozenth time#and then i notice something for the very first time that was clearly straightup meant to be Gotten upon the immediate viewing#even to the extent that smthing later seems to be kinda happening out of nowhere if you didn't. & i'd just rolled with it#like ok i'm autistic ofc that's something i gotta do all the time. & the adhd means i might keep getting distracted around the same pts.
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47th (?) coloring submission for @green-with-envy-phandom-event with lineart by @foxyteah
.... was i thinking up a whole plot for this au while coloring? yeah. yeah i was.
#greenwithenvy2024#danny phantom#paulina sanchez#i meant to follow actual manhwa coloring and then i quickly diverged as my time ran out#absolutely believe paulina would cast a spell or something to pull her and phantom into her story#danny thinks the way to break out of the story would be to remove the crown - thinking that's binding him to the world#but no! plot twist! the flowers that glow at night are actually a disguised variety of blood blossoms that dampen his powers#and as time in the story goes on the blood blossoms have a greater affect on danny - times running out for him to figure out the disguised#flowers are the reason he can't use his powers and destroy them to break out otherwise he'll be stuck forever#paulina would absolutely made a deal with a ghost to find and plant a variety of blood blossoms that wouldn't hurt danny#but would cancel out enough of his powers to keep him tethered to the story#paulina is having the time of her life! danny not so much. but it would be a fun opportunity to humanize paulina for danny#and of course Sam takes place of villainess to “heroine” here because paulina is that petty
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I don’t think I’ll ever get over how Sapnap just jumps to the book as if his friend’s suffering meant nothing, as if the Revival Book not the torture was the big takeaway (even though he should have known about the book already)…
[clip] SAPNAP: “Dream, I told you to stay in there, didn’t I?”
DREAM: “…What are you saying”
SAPNAP: “I told you to stay in there. Why did you get out?”
DREAM: “What do you mean, ‘why did I get out?!’”
SAPNAP: “Why did you get out?!
DREAM: “Oh, you want me to rot?!—I was getting tortured. You want me to rot in prison forever?!”
SAPNAP: “You’ve been tortured?—Who is torturing you?… You were getting tortured?”
DREAM: “Yeah, Quackity was torturing me.”
SAPNAP: “Quackity was torturing you?… What do you mean he was torturing you? Like literally torturing you?”
DREAM: “Yes!—He was trying to get the revival book and so he was torturing me.
SAPNAP: “The revival book?…What revival book?”
DREAM: “It’s a long story.”
SAPNAP: “Do you have it on you now?”
DREAM: “No, I don’t…”
SAPNAP: “Where is it?”
Not Purpled’s reaction of ‘that couldn’t have happened because they don’t let anyone in there’ not Foolish’s reaction of ‘is that true, Sam?’ but ‘what book? do you have it now? where is it?’ not shock or concern for his friend but greed for the very thing Dream was tortured for…
#thought why not more sapnap to rot your brain… this convo haunts be always… god or just hurts so much. I think this interaction with sapnap#is what break Dream as he realizes there is no place for him outside of the prison either…#c!dream and c!sapnap#like this conversation had be going - wait was it not as big of a deal as they meant it? did my imagination go further than it was?#and then we have foolish and Punz’s reaction and I’m like oh- okay yea so basic human decency does exist good to know…#dsmp#c!dream#dreblr#c!sapnap#dishing up lore#dsmp transcripts#dream smp#dsmp lore#lore thoughts
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so ajaw being able to take over kinichs body after kinich dies is like a chekhovs gun situation right
#the gun has been loaded and placed on the table.#i wonder what looney toones ass death kinich is doomed to die#btw i HAVE NOT finished his quest (im 2/3rds of the way thru it ill finish it tomorrow) but like#the mountain king and his human companion (whatever his name was) r meant to parallel ajaw & kinich in some way right#im kinda scared. nooo mullet boy dont inherit the ancient name malipo you will die in a car hammer explosion or something along those liness#voidcore.txt
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...
#im at such a weird point in my life. trying to choose between a phd and a doomed life as an academic and like just not doing that.#its crazy how not terrible i feel when im not in school. just give me tasks to do and i will do them. dont let me think.#but then im just avoiding my responsibilities. i dunno. i just feel like i would be happier with a structured job that ends when the day#is over. which is y my dad thinks i should get a government job. one of my former lab mates got a government job and he's settling into#spending the rest of his life out in Colorado. which is so weird. i dont kno how long ill be in the place im in now. will it b 4 more years?#or will it be only a few months? will i go back to school in the fall? its looking like yes bc i dont have a job lined up. but maybe ill#keep applying and dip out. let my dreams die in favor of balance and sanity. maybe some things arent meant to be.#its just so gutting. i was talking to my coworker this week. saying that im interested in so many things. i could have studied anything else#and traveled a completely different path. and a guy across the room was like: its never too late. but it feels like its too late. too late#to spend another impossible amount of money on getting a different degree. restarting on a second masters project. im almost 30.#im supposed to b saving money so that i can not work forever. but i cant do that if im just a student forever. so maybe i should just get a#job. god. but theres so much i still want to learn. and im in the perfect program for everything i thought i wanted. im in the perfect place#but everything's falling to pieces. whatever. i. just tired bc im on day 5 of work and have to go in for a day 6.#doing something i havent done before all day. but after than im going home for a week. so ill have lots to contemplate in the airport.#this is not how i thought things would turn out. but im glad im spending the summer working where i am. im learning lots on a human to human#level. and no one bleieves im 27 bc i apparently have a bby face lol. nope im 11 yrs older than u my 16yo coworker#unrelated
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hm ok so for a while i was thinking that Wally, for the most part, only perceives reality as "Home", the neighborhood. that's his entire world, it's all he knows
but then i slapped myself and went wait. the Live Interview. Wally has been outside of Home, and has interacted with humans (presuming that the interview did actually happen, of course). and through Wally's interactions - or rather, attempt at interactions with Us, the QA, and the WHRP, it can be strongly assumed that he knows that there's an Elsewhere. there are places outside of Home. maybe he doesn't quite understand that there's another reality of sorts, but there's no way he's unaware that there's more than just the neighborhood out there
(and then of course there's the fact that Clown has said that humans are deeply involved (not a direct quote, im paraphrasing) in Welcome Home. maybe Wally interacted with them / regularly interacted with them. there could have been an adjustment period after he gained consciousness where humans helped him learn how to walk/talk/fine motor skills - this could be why he has such a seemingly inherent / desperate trust in Us & the WHRP & the QA... humans made him and cared for him. it's possible he could view them as a sort of higher power to trust & have faith in
& maybe he's been off-set or could go off-set. i mean, the houses' rooms were all different sets - the buildings themselves were empty husks, right? who's to say Wally wouldn't physically walk to the individual set pieces whenever he went over to someone's house (but then that leads me into speculation on how the puppets' consciousness works and how multiple copies of them could co-exist and wondering which is the - im getting off track. but there's all of that and then the two part "you're okay!" art pieces of Wally & Eddie, which are technically canon - dont quote me on that - and that's Another ramble/theory post i could go on about & have strong feelings on. Anyway!)
"but wait," i hear someone protest, "what about Barnaby? he was in the Live Interview too"
but was he? was he really? was that Barnaby, or was that a person in a suit playing the character Barnaby B. Beagle? i mean, if it was Barnaby, there had to be some memory fuckery going on that prevented him from either fully comprehending/realizing the situation, or just made him forget as soon as it was over.
and actually wait, Wally has to be aware of the reality discrepancy. because it was certainly him in the Interview as himself. He had to have understood on some level that either that wasn't really Barnaby, or that Barnaby wouldn't remember the interview.
(there's a connection in my head between all of this & how he would view an apple pie. "it isn't the same anymore. something's different". but i can't pin it down for the life of me.)
and with the Talking Telephone calls, Wally explicitly tells Us that he's not going to tell anyone who was behind the calls. i remember listening to the "original" prank call audio tests, which while were very similar to the canon in-website ones, have a few changes. one of which was Wally - in the tests - saying that the others weren't ready to meet Us yet. now in canon that tidbit has been swapped out for "You have to go too. You have work to do" but i think it's still implied through Wally's purposeful withholding-of-information that he doesn't think the others are ready to know. or he straight up doesn't want them to know
i mean, one little theory i previously had is that Wally wants them all to catch on to the nature of their reality and situation, but he doesn't want to - or Can't - tell them outright. they have to figure it out. and that can't was either something keeping him quiet, or because if they learned too soon / inorganically, their little puppet heads would pop into confetti like Red Guy's in dhmis 4
However my views have Changed and i'm pretty sure Wally is purposefully not telling anyone to maintain the illusion that everything is fine and can continue on as it always has. maybe it comes from a place of protectiveness, of love? whatever the motive i think he wants them all to keep being unaware and dare i say, Complacent while he "fixes" their situation.
which is delusional, but we all know Wally is digging his metaphorical claws into a desperate bid to keep everything the same / return it to its original state, leaving bloody scratches in something already rotted. or something like that!
all this to say i think it's interesting how it seems that he's the only one aware of humans / an outside/other world, yet he's so determined to stay in his lane. he wants connection & communication yet he doesn't want to leave or change. he wants help in keeping things the same (some could say in keeping Our reality & his separated) but in the process he's dooming everyone/everything and tearing down those walls himself
(Wally: i'm going to stay where i am, and you're gonna stay where you are, and we're gonna help each other keep me and my friends where we're meant to be. anyway i wonder what this sledgehammer does)
#this is a very disjointed ramble but when are they ever put together!#i have to start at point a to get to point 36 yk yk#trying to write down my thoughts is like trying to keep a firm grip on a lubed up ferret#SOAPED!!! SOAPED UP!!! I MEANT SOAP yk that doesnt make it any better. anyway moving on dont look at me#its. its. the more i think about wally the more i go insane#like he's got neurosis stacked on neurosis stacked on-#there is something soooo wrong with him <3#homebogging#welcome home speculation#wh speculation#i do think his heart is in the right place. i do think he's trying to achieve something he thinks is good & best for everyone#but... despite being aware of more than his friends... technically knowing more Truth than them#he's more trapped by that knowledge. he's ruled by it. and he doesn't really have the -#i dont want to say capacity bc i have to believe that he Can change. he just doesnt know how / currently doesnt want to / is too scared to#but he doesn't have the freedom the others have. bc in their ignorance they can ignore their confines#in a way they're more real than wally despite living in a fabricated world as fabricated people with fabricated lives#they're authentic in their ignorance#and ive said it before and ill say it again - wally was created as a blank slate while everyone else already had a Foundation#no matter how false their memories are they Have them. they have the tools to change and want change#they already perceive themselves as more than what they were made for. they think they're People (not humans - people) dont they?#so if they learn theyre trapped... they'll want out. meanwhile wally is already stuck bc while they have - in a way - More#the neighborhood & the show are all wally has. he knows there's outside but he doesnt have any reason to Want that outside#bc why would he want to leave home? why would he want anything to change? it's his sole purpose isnt it?#idk i just think wally would benefit from being told 'you dont need a purpose / you dont need to adhere to a purpose / you are enough as Yo#doing what You want. you can just Be'#but yk. what was i talking about again#oh yeah - wally is so so aware and yet so in the dark#he's got one half of the puzzle but they're all corner/edge pieces and he's trying to fill the inside space with Nothing#hm. i wonder if he'll end up needing the other neighbors to help finish the puzzle... who's to say who's to say!!#FUCK YOU TUMBLR I HAD MORE TO SAY. CUT OFF AGAIN AGH
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is this about the hok or myself? the answer is yes.
#banging my head on the wall about the gap between legacy and identity#the way npcs talk about him post main quest is just. there's all this gratitude for his sacrifice.#all this reverence for his memory#''we're saved!'' ''must have been a privilege to know him''#but at the same time nearly nobody mourns him#martin septim has become an idea. a symbol. the distant kind of savior so easy to honor#martin septim— brother martin— martin the man—the person with thoughts and feelings and joys and regrets is slowly being forgotten#who will keep hold of that as the future comes rattling in? who's left to keep the human from being consumed by the ideal of him??#did he ever even get a funeral???#like how am i NOT meant to go a little bonkers in the face of that??#just. fuck man.#martin septim#one day i will stop talking about oblivion probably#it could happen. i mean it won't but it could.#tes#oblivion#i seek a place to ramble merely
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