#this photo has been in my insta saves for so long

[ross1fum1]

I wish Valentino himself could be able to pull off an outfit like this

[cupidbedsy]

𑁍 𝗳𝗲𝗿𝗿𝗶𝘀 𝗯𝘂𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗿'𝘀 𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝗼𝗳𝗳 ; 𝘧𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘴 𑁍

➪ summary: violet has one mission and one mission only for her trip to chicago, to recreate ferris bueller's day off

➪ warnings: none

➪ word count: 1.3k

➪ file type: au (flowers) fic and insta edit

➪ sunny's notes: guys bsfr i love these two so so much

au masterlist || nhl masterlist || navigation

“I’m outside”

In a matter of seconds Connor was rushing out the doors and knocking on Violet’s car window, “I can’t believe you actually drove all the way to Chicago for me.”

“Well believe it because you are now my new best friend and as my new best friend I’m making you drive because I don’t want to anymore. Just don’t crash because you’re not on my insurance.”

Instead of getting out of the car, Violet gracefully hopped over the middle console in her car to sit in the passenger seat. Connor chuckled, got in the car, and asked her where to drive to.

“I don’t care but all I know is that I have a list of things that I want to do that’s titled ‘Connor and Violet’s Fun and Exciting Time in Chicago’ waiting for us.”

Connor pulled out of the parking spot and started driving towards a parking garage, “I’m assuming you want to walk right?”

“Yes, please. I’ve been sitting for way too long.”

“So, what does this list have in store for us?”

Violet, with no concern for getting pulled over, unbuckled her seat belt and reached into the back to grab her notebook full of random ideas, and opened to the page that was decorated like a scrapbook with her list of activities. 

“Are you ready?”

“No.”

“Too bad. I want to eat deep-dish pizza, authentic deep-dish pizza. I want to go to Navy Pier and just walk around the city in general. I want to take photos of us because we have none,” Violet continued to ramble off a bunch of things she wanted to do and when she got to the end she grinned, “I want to recreate Ferris Bueller. And by that I mean we have to at least go to a Cubs game, holler ‘Swing batter batter’, go to a parade, run through a neighborhood, and look what I got us-'' She once again reached into her bag and pulled something out, “Save Ferris pins!”

“I would love to do that, but I have never seen Ferris Bueller.”

Violet looked shocked, “You’ve never seen Ferris Bueller’s Day Off?!” 

Connor shook his head as he pulled into a parking garage, “We are watching that when we get back to my hotel room.”

They wandered around Chicago for a while, trying to decide the best way to complete everything. Violet wasn’t expecting to do everything on her list, of course, she wanted to but it was almost completely unrealistic. But, Connor wanted to do everything on that list. They would get to spend more time together and it would make her happy.

The first night they were there, Connor took her to Navy Pier and took her to Giordanos for deep-dish pizza. She moaned in delight when she tasted the pizza, “Oh my god. This is so good, why didn’t I do this sooner.”

Connor laughed at the girl, eating his piece. They talked about the beginning of Connor’s season, Violet asking him if he was nervous. To which Connor replied with a yes and Violet reassured him that it was alright and that things were going to work out. 

Ever since they met Connor and Violet have been attached to one another. They texted every day, Violet giving him random updates on what she was doing. He would watch every one of her videos with a cheesy smile on his face as she talked about flowers or what she was taking in the upcoming semester.

When Connor figured out that she was going to UofI he was elated that she was only going to be two hours away instead of four. He could only hope that she would want to go to some of his games so he could get her tickets to them. 

When they got back that night, she made him watch Ferris Bueller with her on her laptop as they laid side by side in the hotel bed. Violet pointed out the things that she wanted them to do throughout the movie, also making random comments about the things that reminded her of her brothers. 

The next day, she made him go on the tour boat on the river, gazing at the buildings and reaching out for the water below. Connor watched her happily and joined in at her silly antics as they walked the boat, pushing one another. 

They then went to Water Tower, where Connor bought her a couple of sets of flower legos. She walked out skipping and stopped when she saw the American Girl Doll store, “Con, we have to go there!”

“Why?”

“Because I’ve never had an American Girl Doll before and I just want to look at them, please.” She dragged out the e, Connor giving in easily. 

He let her drag her into the pink store and she looked around in awe. They looked at the recent girl of the year who sat right in front when they walked in and then went to look at all the different sections, stopping at the hockey one. 

She then dragged him downstairs where all the other previous girls of the year were. She practically skipped through the store, “I’ve always wanted Julie.”

“Who’s Julie?”

“She’s one of the dolls from the historical collection. She’s from 1974 and she’s kinda characterized as a hippie but she wears a lot of floral print and decorates with flowers.”

“That seems like you.” He continued to follow her around the store, making a mental reminder of the doll she wanted so he could later buy it for her, before they exited and then went up to one of the sports shops they had, “Hey look Con!”

Connor looked to the wall where there was a jersey with his name on the back, “I gotta get it. Lemme make sure I have enough money in my account.” She whipped out her phone to check the funds in her account, sighing when she realized she had lent Luca and Adam money earlier in the week to buy something. 

“Never mind, let's just go.”

“Wait, come on I’ll buy it for you.”

“No, Con. I couldn’t ask you to do that.”

“You’re not asking, I’m telling you I am. Plus, I’m a professional hockey player now, I have the money.” Violet slapped him on the chest before walking out of the store, slightly embarrassed. Connor purchased the jersey and handed it to her, “Connor I told you not to.”

“But I wanted to. Honestly.” She smiled and wasted no time throwing the jersey on and walking out of the Water Tower. 

They then walked to the Sears (Willis) Tower just like in the movie and stood on the glass floor, “You have no idea how terrified I am right now.”

“You’re the one that wanted to do this.”

“I know and I am seriously regretting it.”

They then walked down to Billy Goats, a classic restaurant downtown, which Violet loved all so greatly. She got lots of remarks about her jersey, some nice and some mean but they paid no mind to those. After eating, the two of them were tired so they headed back to her hotel to rest and watch something on the TV. 

The next day they just wandered around and took some pictures before going to Wrigley to watch a Cubs game. It was a night game and the Cubs were playing the Nationals. They cheered from their seats and as Connor promised her they yelled, “Hey batter batter batter batter swing batter.” Sitting through all nine innings, or eight and a half technically, they watched as they scored 17 runs, singing “Go Cubs Go” along with the other thousands of Cubs fans in the stadium. 

They ended up checking off all of y/n’s bucket list in four days together and Violet would definitely rank this as her favorite road trip to ever have happened.

❛ ━━･❪ ❁ ❫ ･━━ ❜

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 『 instagram 』

violetsflowers

liked by _connorbedard, adamfantilli, luca.fantilli and 74,221 others

violetsflowers chicago is mighty fine this time a year and i'm so glad i got to have an amazing tour guide as well.

picture tour: first i decorated my mirror with some daisys i found, i made (him) my yogurt bowl, (he) gave me a tiny flower, some pretty chicago sights (and me), i'm a cubs fan now?, ice cream!, the river, and finally i finished reading happy place by emily henry!

new vlog and book video coming soon, my loves :)

view 242 comments

lhughes_06 why didn't i get an invite

↳ violetsflowers you aren't cool enough

username she's so pretty 😩

username she was in chicago and i didn't see her???

username i met her there! she was super nice. the rumor is true! she gives a flower sticker to everyone she meets

↳ violetsflowers it was so fun meeting you :)

_connorbedard you invaded my city?

↳ violetsflowers maybe.... but shush

adamfantilli she's a city girl now 🫢

↳ violetsflowers yessir

『••✎••』

messyviolet

liked by colecaufield, luca.fantilli, markestapa, and 17,698 others

messyviolets save ferris!!!!!!! (i'm convinced all i did was eat there)

view 53 comments

colecaufield she watched it again smh

↳ messyviolets watch it or i'm coming to montreal to hit you this season

↳ colecaufield my plan is working, your turn @/lhughes_06

lhughes_06 violettttttttttttttttttt

↳ messyviolets yes?

↳ lhughes_06 come visit me? 🥺

↳ messyviolets sure

↳ colecaufield you're telling me all i had to do was ask?

_connorbedard chicago girl 🫵🏻

↳ messyviolets chicago boy 🫵🏻

[awsugar]

Mac what was the book Beemer sent to Frank?

from what i know its a photography book made from the photos that he took on swarm tour. worm has also posted the book a few months ago.

i actually have known about the book since the tour started. long story short, beember interviewed me for the doc (now up in the air if it will ever come out lmfao) at the second mk show in may 2022. then later on when we had made it to barricade he came up to me out of nowhere and held up his phone to me and was like "is this you?..it was a pic of me outside the shrine from the day of the show. i was like wtf...yes. but then i put two and two together. i was like wait....were you the photographer from the shrine?? liek you took the group pic at the end of the show? and he said yes. and i was like why was it never posted!!! no one has ever seen it!!! and he gave me like a smirk idk and walked away. and then like 5 min later he came back and showed me the shrine group pic on his phone. i was like 😮 and anyway at that point he whispered to me "theyre doing a book" and i was like......omfg. first of all i dont know why he revealed this to me out of nowhere. but i was liek ok slay. and i was EXCITED.

and anyway ok heres the thing, im really really confused about it now. because when he TOLD me they were doing a book like. to me that meant, theyere having me take photos on the whole tour so they can release a book at the end of it. and i was really EXCITED about that. because like of the obvious reasons, but also because (especially at this point) i KNOW that he took a ton of photos of my friends and i on barriacde, i was sure that we would be IN the book so i was like what an amazing souvenir and memorabilia of this time of my life...and then time has gone on and now two people are confirmed to HAVE the book. its been ages. it exists. and theyre not teasing it. apparently its for them??? which liek dont get me wrong, thats not confusing. i get why they would want something special to commemorate this tour.

HOWEVER. theres a couple confusing parts of it. first of all, yes its a great memorabilia for them, a great coffee table book, whatever. but you knwo how frank always says that it would be weird if all the art that fans made of him was all over his walls, like miles would end up being a serial killer or whatever, you know. like i dont think any of tjhem are so self obsessed that they hired a photographer just so they could have pics of THEMSELVES. like yes its normal for them to have one, but weird for it to be the sole reason. ALSO. even if it is something they really wanted for themselves, why not sell it? why take so many pics of fans that we'll never see? but like why not SELL it? they could make so much money. we know they love to make so much money. so why not.

and then ok the big one for me is: IF it was always intended as a personal project for band and crew: why post so few of the photos on social media during the tour? cause the thing is, when i thought the book was going to be sold, it made complete sense to me that only like one photo per show was being posted by beemer on insta. because he was saving basically all of them to sort through for the book. and now its like...well if that wasnt the case why havent we seen 99% of the photos from the tour?? bc if you went to any of the shows, you know that beemer literally photographed every single show beginning to end. there are so many THOUSANDS of pictures.

and anyway, yea its a photography book. that i thought was going to be available to us. and im just really.....really....confused that its not....

[workingforitallthetime]

something in the group chat just reminded me of rutger mcgroarty's canonical stars and stripes swim trunks, and i remembered they are referenced (rule 63 style) in the next section of my adam/rutger WIP, so here's an installment in honor of our nation's birthday. (first installment here)

“Can I ask…” Brendan perches on the arm of the battered chair where Rutger’s sitting and thinking about prying off her cowboy boots. She’s been on her feet all day: dancing, running between different house parties, sinking winning ping pong balls into keg cups. 12 hours of cowboy boots is a long time. Real cowboys must be tough.

“Sure, yeah.” Rutger stretches her legs out and props the heels of her boots on the floor, trying to take her weight off the soles. She’s not sure about going barefoot on the floors of the senior house, and she’s also not sure about going upstairs to find her slides. Who knows what’s going on in the bedrooms in the middle of this party.

Brendan’s eyes cut over to Adam, who’s weaving through the crowd with a keg cup held over his head, on his way through the kitchen for a refill. “What’s up with you guys?”

Rutger manages not to roll her eyes, because she’s a team player and she wants to get along with all her teammates, even the annoying ones. “We’re friends.”

“Okay.” Brendan makes it sound like yeah right.

Rutger lets herself have an eyeroll this time. “Sorry we kick ass at Corners.” Maybe their celly was a little extreme, but nothing feels better than winning. Adam’s the same way. If – when, Rutger corrects herself – they score together this season, it’s going to be phenomenal.

“He literally has thirst traps of you on his instagram.” Brendan slides off the arm of the chair and into the too-narrow space next to Rutger, wiggling in like she’s ready for girl talk time. As if Rutger’s in need of a girl to have this conversation with, the same conversation she’s had with all her girlfriends ever.

“No he doesn’t,” she says automatically. She scoots over and swishes her ponytail away from Brendan. “Did you ride the mechanical bull earlier?” That was one of the sickest parties today.

“You’re in a bikini,” Brendan accuses. Brendan sucks at girl talk.

“Oh, in California?” That’s not a thirst trap. She and Adam were both awake before everyone else, ready to get the day going, and so they ran down the beach and jumped into the Pacific.

Rutger still remembers surfacing with a whoop, blowing chilly salt water out of her mouth, the exhilarating feeling that the entire clean morning world belonged to them. Someone took a picture of them as they walked back up the sand, hotel towels over their shoulders and broad grins on their faces. Rutger didn’t put it on her own insta because her hair was already starting to dry into salty clumps. It was so not a thirst trap.

Brendan rolls her eyes. “No, the other one.”

Rutger shrugs. “Okay, you got me.” Brendan leans into Rutger so she can pull her phone out of the part of her yoga pants that’s supposedly a pocket but is not a place anybody should ever actually keep their phone.

Some drunk guy Rutger doesn’t know yet almost trips over her cowboy boots. Rutger throws up an arm in a futile attempt to catch him as he stumbles. “Oh no, are you okay?”

Drunk Guy finds his feet and hits a gymnastics pose like he stuck the landing. “Trip me anytime, babe.”

Rutger giggles and angles herself to look at Brendan’s phone so she can ignore Drunk Guy. Saved by girl talk, ha ha. Brendan’s thumbing through Adam’s saved stories. Rutger should have figured Brendan’s the type to go through everyone’s instagram. Well, obviously Rutger did that too, but Brendan doesn’t understand that you’re not supposed to let everybody know.

Brendan’s insta was boring. She didn’t even have any cool photos of Alaska. If Rutger played in Alaska, she’d be posing in front of glaciers in a big Canada Goose parka with a furry hood. She’d be staging epic snowball fights. Going dogsledding or something.

“Got it!” Brendan holds up her phone to Rutger like she’s a cop questioning a suspect. It’s a picture Adam took a couple of summers ago of Rutger floating on a raft in his pool in Toronto, wearing the American flag bikini she packed because it was the Fourth of July and it’s fun to be a little extra about it in Canada.

“Oh,” Rutger sighs. “I miss those sunglasses.” She lost them the next day at the Jays game.

“So, yeah.” Brendan gives her a look.

Rutger rolls her eyes. “We’re friends,” she repeats.

“Boys and girls can’t be friends,” Brendan decrees.

“What, there’s like a law?” Rutger’s heard this before. Maybe other girls can’t be friends with boys, but she’s never had that problem. She’s always played hockey with boys. Boys are funny. They think of the best pranks. They’re always doing fun stuff. Like when there was a crazy downpour in Plymouth last spring, none of her girlfriends on the team wanted to go to the park by Rutger’s billet and slide in the mud, but the boys did. It was so much fun, and Rutger couldn’t even take any pictures of all of them covered in mud head to toe because her hands were too filthy to touch her phone. She’d never pass up on something like that to hang out with girls.

“It just always ends with somebody falling in love.” Brendan says it like she’s the world’s foremost 20-year-old authority on friendship, when she probably just got burned by some loser she slept with in the NAHL. “If you’re the one who thinks you’re friends, it means the other person’s in love with you.”

“That’s…” Rutger almost says so dumb. Like, it’s universally dumb, because it’s so narrow-minded to rule out half the entire world as friends, but also really specifically dumb about Rutger and Adam. “...really not it,” she edits. “I have a boyfriend. He has a girlfriend.”

Rutger’s never met Maddie, but they follow each other. She was posting photos from sorority rush at DePaul this morning. Or maybe Loyola? Somewhere in Chicago. Rutger always gets them confused, which Adam says makes her a bad Catholic. Rutger says Adam’s a worse Catholic for convincing Rutger to decommit from Notre Dame and join him at Michigan.

“Okay.” Brendan gives it the yeah right tone again. Which is so unfair to Cutter. Cutter exists, and if she calls him right now she can get out of this dumb conversation with Brendan. 

She’s opening FaceTime when Adam hollers at her from the beer pong room. “We’re up!” Seamus beckons at her from the opposite side of the table. Next to Seamus, Gavin bounces a ping pong ball and catches it, testing the surface.

“I’m in!” Rutger pops up from the chair, tucking her phone in the back pocket of her skirt and waving a good-bye to Brendan behind her as she weaves across the room through the party crowd. Her feet feel better after a rest. “Gotta defend home court!”

“Technically it’s our house too.” Seamus lines up across from Rutger. The knots in her bandana top are starting to slacken. No imminent disaster, but they’ve done a hard day’s work holding up Shea’s rack. “At least this week.”

“Gavo!” Rutger stretches out a hand, signaling for him to bounce the ball to her for her first shot. He looks up from the place where the curly end of Seamus’s braid trails into the bandana gap that’s opening over her cleavage and snaps the ball her way.

Rutger takes aim. “This one’s for Moyle’s floor tonight.” That’s where Seamus slept last night while Rutger took the couch. Jacob offered a spot in her room next door, but Adam and Luca and Gavin are all staying at this house, and Rutger can’t stand to be away from all the fun. She bounces on her toes as she lines up her shot. “Maybe some year it’ll be all of our place, for real.” That will be the best thing, living with her best friends in a hockey house. College is already so much fun, and it’s only going to get even better.

[sainz100]

hi!! i love your account so much! i wanted to say thank you for all you do to find us new daniel pics! 💙 the dirlies are forever in your debt 💕

i had a question about how you find tagged pictures in people's stories? is there an instagram function/filter for that? my friend has been trying to figure it out to find pics of her driver from events before they disappear but no such luck 😔 any help/advice would be greatly appreciated!

thank you so much for this lovely message!! 💖 forever in y'all's debt for making this corner of the web such a bright spot in my life!! 🥺💞☀️

absolutely, I'd love to help with insta!! searching for photos and videos during race weekends and sporting events is so fun & I always look forward for diving for moments!! 💝 there are probs other ways out there to do it, but I typed up a little guide! I'll post it separately since it got kinda long 😵‍💫✨

also I can see if I have anything for her driver!! I save stuff from other drivers I haven't posted yet, so I can take a look if you'd like! 💕🏎️

okay I'll go post the rambling guide next!! thank you again for this wonderful message!!! 💖💌 smiling so much at my phone rn!!!!

[slay-3-r]

token of love, gratitude, and a success story here <333 💌

I'd like to thank you for sharing such a genius manifestation technique.

i.e. to create an Instagram private account to manifest your dream life by posting what you desire to have by using Pinterest photos.

🧿Ok so here goes the story...

I have recently finished school and am waiting for my university entrance results.

During this long vacation, I had been in a slump as I wished to focus on getting some rest but I got too bored. I wanted to do something productive and start fresh but had no idea what needed to be done.

After reading your post I created a private insta account and posted some images from Pinterest of the things which I wish to add to my daily routine and also some possessions which I wished to manifest.

Here is the screenshot of my account 👇

And MAN DO I TELL YOU I DID MANIFEST. (like magic✨)

I posted a bunch of pearl accessories that I had always wanted, and I got it 😱. My mom just gifted me a pearl necklace and pearl earrings along with that. My dad had bought a pearl that had been kept for YEARS as it is but now he is gonna order it to be made as a pearl pendant for me soon 🦪. Just like magic, pearls are starting to appear in my life.

I have started to play guitar again after a long time of being burnt out because of it. But now I want to play it like none other.

I had not been productive and it got boring to not have a routine. The gym is pretty far from my home however my dad bought dumbbells all of a sudden. And he is also gonna buy a treadmill soon. We'll have a mini gym at home. And all of a sudden my mom has been asking me to do yoga which I've made as a part of my routine. Also, I bought new self-help books to read in my free time. I have also enrolled in some courses to enhance and learn new hard and soft skills as I wish to start freelancing in college.

Ok now as you can see I have also saved some relationship goals pictures, and a guy reading books. And I got a text message from an old friend of mine who was really into reading books, he was also very observant of me. And it seems like he has feelings for me all of a sudden >~<, plus dude is magnificent ngl. Rn I'm kind of anxious about our connection for some reason though, I don't wanna go deep into this relationship for now but talking to him has gotten a bit too intense lately. He flirts like a god 🫣. I had specifically wished for a guy with Leo or Capricorn placements and he is a Leo sun and moon (in 10th house, house of capricorn). And our synastry is amazing!

The shocking yet exciting thing is that I just made the account two days prior and I'm already seeing results. I'm so grateful for this!

It is just like magic indeed. We sure do live in a dreamland 🪽🩷.

Omg thank u for sharing your success story with me, i am really so happy for u <33

I believe you can manifest more than that you’re amazing. And the things that u manifest are gorgeous.

I love u and i hope you share more success stories with me <33

[larajeandoodles]

Hi there!!! I think your art is super cool, and I love how you've drawn inspiration from fairytales, and how flexible you are with style ♡ I've been making art for a while but always just for myself, and I signed up for my very first craft fair! I was wondering how you got started selling your art. What were you nervous about? What do you wish you'd known? What did you diy that would have been worth buying, or vice versa?

Congrats on your first show!!! I wish you perfect weather, good booth assistance, and tons of wonderful people attending who buy tons of your work.

I started with an Etsy shop back in the day when Etsy was still decent, then did a few comic cons and shows and eventually timidly opened up commissions. I took it super slow! I was very shy and insecure lol

Tips:

Have a printed QR code for your insta and stuff, most people don’t take business cards anymore and just want to scan a code or take a photo. So have a sort of flyer with all your info that people can snap.

Recycled grocery bags make great bags and save you a buck, tell people you’re recycling lol

If you do any outdoor shows, have everything in plastic. Plastic tubs, plastic sleeves for art, be ready for wind and rain!!! You can get plastic sleeves for prints on Amazon for cheap.

Get a spare battery thingy so you can charge your phone if you’ve got no power connection, for indoor or outdoor shows, and just for life.

People like Venmo, cash app, most have cards, few have cash. You’ll only need like $100 in change.

When people compliment you, just say thanks! I appreciate it! Ask them where they’re from if you feel awkward. Don’t tell them your art is bad and they’re wrong lmao. Smile a lot and STAY STANDING and engage with people, it’ll help sales a ton. It sucks but if you sit nobody feels comfortable interacting with you. Then no sales. Maybe get a rubber mat to stand on. Wear comfy shoes.

Outdoor shows: Dog leash screws hold your tent down 100%. Overnight, taken EVERYTHING down, even if there’s day 2. Your tent will blow over/collapse if you leave anything behind, it’s just the law. Most tents that aren’t a fortune can’t withstand the weather and will collapse!!! So just take it all down.

Don’t sell yourself short! Calculate how long a thing took you and how much the materials were and pay yourself AT LEAST $10 an hour, if not $20. Have faith that you’re worth it.

Track all your sales and set aside 20% for taxes! Chances are you won’t have to pay them for a year or two because you won’t make much, but it’s good to start the habit. Track every cent for materials, food and gas for shows, supplies, product costs etc. those are writeoffs! If you spent more on your art business than you earned, no need to pay taxes.

www. iprintfromhome. com offers great print options and pricing!

Always always always make stuff that’s just for you. Art that the internet and the audiences never see. Not everything you make has to be show worthy.

It’s a big challenge to do this and I definitely am still learning the ropes! I wish I had all the secrets, if you find them let me know. Remember to have fun and make what you love and what inspires you. Also remember it’s a tough world out there for artists right now, so go easy on yourself if you feel like you’re not “getting it”. It’ll take time and work.

You don’t have to monetize your hobbies, but if you enjoy it and you want to, then go kick ass!!!

And again, I wish you good luck and good fortune!!! 🌟

[bjdlog]

Not sure if I mentioned (but probably not)

I'm still waiting on Jinx and still excited but I also found the perfect sculpt for....

POWDER!!

So I was looking on Insta and I realized the Doll in Mind Sweet Aria sculpt fits nearly perfectly!! I made a set of photos collected from Instagram comparing them and so basically once I buy this one art thing I've been saving for, and then a new laptop, and if Jinx isn't here to spoil by then... well having a tiny Powder to be cute for photoshoots and sometimes sad (and in some cases with Jinx when she arrives).... that would be so sweet!!

So apparently there's a WTB on DoA for her(Aria) already offering more than I had thought to before I looked... so it may be a bit, but after this I'm planning on focusing on my current dolls anyway (such as Vriska), to be honest after Powder I'm done with new dolls for a bit. Even if others look cute. It's been so long with being too busy for doll stuff so I'm planning to go all out in crafting when I can! What with making Vriska's God Tier hoodie and a crop top to match, whatever Jinx needs (I want to try a yarn wig with a brushed out fringe and braided yarn ... braids), and spoiling Laika (It's about time! She got new shoes in a care package and now I want to get her some actual nice clothes that aren't 10 years old- though she has some stuff already I got custom from I-forget-where-and-I-need-to-check.

Seriously, I know it seems out of nowhere that I got inspired for Powder, but I'm confident that I can stick with my current group of dolls once she and Jinx come home. And that's exciting!

:D

[mhkeiger]

Check out this listing I just added to my Poshmark closet: NWT UOMA Beauty Badass MF Lip Liner - ROSS.

[rosenallies]

About your lost pictures, which I’m so sorry about, I’m sure there’s stuff you didn’t post but could you take whatever you did post here on Tumblr and Snap, Insta etc? Just to like get some stuff back. Also I had something like this when I couldn’t back up my phone for a really long time. To make sure I don’t lose like pictures or videos, I opened up a Facebook account and dumbed most of my things in private photos albums. If something happens with a phone transfer or something, my pictures will be saved elsewhere and I won’t have to worry about whether or not my phone has been backed up. I don’t care whether or not I lose messages so I don’t have a hack to save those but I don’t think there’s a way save those other than the iCloud anyway

Yeah that’s what I’ve kinda been doing, just combing through my posts on here, twitter, and insta <3 I really thought my iCloud was backed up, I literally have all apple devices so I figured I should’ve been fine like even if it’s not on my phone it was probably somewhere else but nope nothings been backed up in forever, not my MacBook, my iPad, my phone, nothing:-) maybe I should just log onto my old Facebook that I never used and post everything 😭

[yungchaeng]

Roommates (Twice series: Chaeyoung)

III: Grass genre: fluff - word count: 3414 content warning: detailed marijuana use in the latter half of the chapter

chaeyo.0: cool shirt, new hair, same me

Chaeyoung had posted a photo you took of her during lunch, showing her new hair-do. Finally, you found out about her online presence when she asked you for your account in order to tag you in the photo.

Her Instagram was…interesting. It was quite cool and alternative. It emphasized her love for art with some posts of her own works, or pieces she admired. There was the occasional mirror selfie, but also a bunch of random pictures of her like one where she stared off into the distance with a strawberry in her mouth.

Yes, it was odd. But you couldn’t help but smile at her feed. It represented her very well. And you grinned at the thought that you now had a place on her feed as well.

In the midst of your fawning over your roommate and her Instagram profile, you locked eyes with a random guy on the other side of the library that was probably wondering what was making you smile like an idiot by yourself. You shot him an awkward tight-lipped smile and quickly buried your head back into your book in embarrassment.

You were supposed to be studying for multiple exams and writing essays which was why you were in the library in the first place. However, concentration didn’t come easy as your mind kept wandering to a specific place, a specific person.

You and Chaeyoung were cool. Whenever you both were home, it was comfortable and never really awkward which you were glad about. You hung out and there was always a light-hearted vibe which you liked, but it was always short-lived as she always seemed to be going somewhere. Sometimes she was already gone by the time you woke up and sleeping when you came back from the library.

Although you two didn’t spend as much time together as you were hoping you could, she did have her ways to occupy your mind during the day. Some days she’d randomly send you artworks, clothes she saw on Pinterest that reminded her of ‘your style’ and most days you’d be flipping through your notebook in class and she’d left a little doodle on the corner of a page, probably when you left it open on your desk.

But you didn’t mind thinking about her this much. In fact, you liked it – a little too much.

Seemingly out of your control, your hand wandered back over to your phone that was still open on your roommate’s Instagram page.

“Hey there,” a voice sounded out, saving you from the rabbit hole you were bound to fall in again looking at Chaeyoung’s Instagram.

Nayeon plopped down on the seat next to you with her own roommate sitting next to her. You had grown close to both Nayeon and Jeongyeon over the past few weeks. As they have been at the college longer than you they could help you out and their chaotic dynamic together was always entertaining to you, so you were at their place quite often.

“How’s studying going? Or should I ask how insta-stalking your roomie is going?” Nayeon asked.

“Oh my god, I wasn’t insta-stalking.” You blushed under Nayeon and Jeongyeon’s knowing smirks. “She tagged me in a post, so I wanted to like it…”

“A post of 138 weeks ago?” Jeongyeon quipped, gesturing to the particular post that was open on your screen.

“Ah, shut up.” You pleaded, defeated. Maybe if you lay face down on the table for long enough they would go away?

“What are we talking about?” The voice of your classmate and friend Jihyo chimed in, chirpy as always. She joined the table with another one of your classmates, Momo, completing the small group of people you usually hung out with.

“Someone here has a little crush on their roommate.” Nayeon sing-songed, nudging you in the process.

“Jeongyeon?” Momo asked, genuinely confused.

“Ew, no.” The said girl grimaced teasingly.

“Whatever, I’m out of your league anyway.” Nayeon shrugged and stuck her tongue out at Jeongyeon. “But no, I’m talking about this one here.” She pointed to you.

“Ah, is that the one that make little love drawings for you during class?” Jihyo teased.

“Oh my god, love drawings? You don’t tell me anything, do you?” Nayeon feigned offense and slapped your arm.

“Ship.” Momo simply stated while rummaging through her bag for something to eat.

“I’m your mentor, you know? I should be helping you through these moments in life.” Nayeon went on.

“You’re my mentor. Not my mom.”

“Mom, older sister, mentor, same difference.” The older girl shrugged. “But tell me all about this Chaeyoung!”

And so you did. You firmly stood your ground that you weren’t crushing on the girl. However, seeing your friend’s smirk as you told them about her interests, habits, cute gestures and whatever else you rambled about, you knew they weren’t believing that for a second. Honestly, you slowly were coming to terms with it yourself.

The girl’s teased you relentlessly over your soft spot for the girl, but didn’t seem to know her in the way you did as they said they wouldn’t expect you to be into such a ‘rebel type of girl’.

You understood that she seemed that way though. The tattoos, her slight introvertedness and a slight air of mysteriousness that followed her would make it logical that she would be some sort of hard-ass. However, you knew that that idea disappeared when she smiled at you.

No rebel without a cause could have a smile as sweet as hers. Impossible.

“Okay,” you sighed. “Maybe I do have a bit of a crush on her then.” The table was silent, your friends simply giving you a look.

“Anyone surprised?” Momo broke the silence followed by a string of laughs and shaking of the heads of your other friends.

After what seemed like ages of teasing you, you and your friends all got back to studying. You were surprised at how much faster it was to do your schoolwork with them – it was probably more efficient anyway since you couldn’t distract yourself thinking about Chaeyoung without getting called out for it. Before you knew it, you were done typing up your last essay and were packing your bag to go home.

And boy, you couldn’t wait to get home. You had been fantasizing about diving into your bed as soon as you got back all day and that was exactly what you did when you walked through the door. You groaned into your pillow, releasing all the pent-up stress from being busy with schoolwork for so long.

Much to your surprise, Chaeyoung walked through the front door and paused at the sight of you. It seemed like neither of you expected the other home at this time, but it was a pleasant surprise.

“Hey?” she said, a look of amusement on her face. “You’re back so early.”

“Yeah,” a sigh escaped your lips as you looked at her. “I’m finally done with all the deadlines, which is good…but now I just hope I did well.”

“Aw,” she cooed. “Don’t worry. You worked so hard, so it’s definitely going to be okay.” Your roommate moved over to her own bed and lied down, looking over at you with care in her eyes. “Are you stressed?”

“Yeah, a bit I guess…”

She simply hummed in response and thought for a second. “I think I might know something that could calm you down?” Chaeyoung bit her lip and in a split second she walked over to her desk and rummaged through the top drawer. You watched her pull out a little plastic bag from it, with something inside that you couldn’t quite make out yet. When she sat next to you on your bed you realised.

“Chaeyoung, is that…” you lowered your voice to a whisper and scanned the room as if you two weren’t the only two in it, “marijuana?”

Your roommate chuckled at your antics, “Yeah, it is.”

You fixated on the green bud in the plastic bag. “Is that even allowed in here?”

“I don’t know,” she shrugged with a mischievous smile, “probably not, but no one is here to stop us, right?” She had a point and you thought for a second. “But please,” Chaeyoung locked eyes with you as she went on. “No pressure, alright? It’s just a suggestion, okay?”

Maybe it was her genuine expression, the residual stress you still felt from school or simply just your curiosity, but you decided. “Okay, fuck it. Let’s do it.”

“Cool,” she simply said with a smile.

You watched her as she walked over to the kitchen table and took out some stuff from a little bag next to her bed and took the bud from it’s plastic bag. You weren’t sure what exactly she was doing but she seemed like such an expert at doing it. Before you knew it, the little bud had been rolled into a joint and you looked on fascinated.

You didn’t realize you were biting your lip watching her lick the paper as the last step until her eyes met yours when doing it. It was the quickest you have ever looked away from anything, but you still managed to catch her smirk at you. You awkwardly cleared your throat as you felt yourself blushing.

Chaeyoung had moved your desk chairs over to the open window and you sat down next to her. “Have you ever smoked before?” she asked. You shook your head and rubbed your arm. “Do you know how to?” When you shook your head once again, she smiled. “Okay, that’s fine. I know a way that might be chill for you.”

She explained that there was a way for you to smoke by her inhaling it first and transferring it over to you in some kind of way. You had no clue what she was talking about, but trusted her when she told you “Just inhale when I guide you to, okay?” Chaeyoung got up from her chair and stood in front of you. She cupped her hand to shield from the wind as she struck her lighter.

As she was so focused on that, you took the chance to look at her. She wore sweatpants and a cropped t-shirt, stained with what was probably paint or ink of some sort. You couldn’t help but check her out. Her hair in somewhat of a messy bun, cheeks rosy from the cold wind on her, her clothes showing off her mid-riff and soft tummy…

As if she could read your mind and your deepest desire, she came closer to you. Chaeyoung lowered herself to face you by going on her knees in front of you and placed her hands on your thighs. Your breath hitched as she leaned into you and she softly tapped you. Taking that as the said signal, you closed your eyes and tentatively inhaled the smoke coming from her parted lips.

When you opened your eyes they met the worrying eyes of your roommate. “Are you alright?”

You nodded. The feeling of smoke in your lungs was definitely something you had to get used to. Then it was as if everything hit you all at once. Chaeyoung’s hands still on your thighs, her scent, her face only inches away from yours, her presence, her lips. Everything. “Wow. Yeah, but wow.”

Chaeyoung only laughed and the sound and it sounded like music in your ears. Chaeyoung helped you the same way a few more times and a combination of the weed and her proximity to you made you feel lightheaded in an odd, but good way. You rest your back in your chair, letting the pleasant wave of euphoria wash over you.

“Relax, okay?” she instructed and sat back down in her own chair. “and let me know if you need anything.”

You pouted and held your tongue. What you wanted was for her to come closer again, but that would be silly to say, right?

“Tell me about your day.” She said, taking a hit for herself. In your mind her eyes bore right through you. You don’t know if it was just the weed, but it felt like the first time you truly had someone’s full attention in order to talk about something as mundane as your day.

So you did as told. Told her about your school assignments, procrastinating in the library and your friends joining you (you skipped over them teasing you ofcourse). You even rambled on about the smallest detail, until you saw her smiling to herself. “Oh my god, should I stop talking?”

“No, don’t.” she reassured and leaned her back against the wall, eyes closed. “Your voice is very soothing.”

You internally thanked the gods for her eyes being closed so she couldn’t see you blush. “It feels like I’ve been talking for hours…”

Chaeyoung took her phone out and chuckles slightly. “Yeah, that’s the weed.” She said and showed you on her screen that only five minutes had passed. “And even if you were, I wouldn’t mind.”

Honestly, you wouldn’t mind talking to Chaeyoung for hours either. The idea of having a moment like this with her last for so long actually brought a giddy smile to your face, one that you didn’t even mind hiding.

“You know, for someone who’s kind of quiet you have a good way with words.” You remarked earning a giggle from your roommate.

Chaeyoung giggled “Thanks, I guess?”

“Anyway, the floor is yours. Talk to me.” You slouched down in your seat and closed your eyes, awaiting her voice to fill the room.

She talked about her day with a smile, describing how she went to an art studio with some friends to paint and listen to music together.

“Is that where you always are?” you cocked your head to the side, “You’re not actually here very much.”

“Aw, did you miss me?” she teased. You held your tongue as you felt yet another blush coming on. Due to the embarrassment you felt of her being kind of right, you only managed to playfully roll your eyes at her. “Yeah, I guess. Either there or in the library or something.” She went on (thankfully). “I noticed you were heavy on all your school work for the past week or so, so I didn’t want to, like, distract you or anything.”

You paused for a beat. You wanted to tell her that there was no problem and that she wasn’t distracting you at all, but from the few times that you actually did study when she was home, you knew that you would be a lie. After reading every other word, your mind drifted to her and what she could be thinking or doing on the other side of the room. You couldn’t help but glance at her every now and then and admire her.

When you thought she wasn’t looking, you peeked at her. Looked at her reacting to videos on her phone and smiled at the way her eyebrows furrowed then or happily sighed at the sound of her soft giggles. Or when she was furiously typing away on her laptop you yearned to ask what she was doing, just to hear her voice fill the room again.

Had she noticed that? Is that why she left? Was it weird? Is that why she kept leaving? Were you being weird right now?

Omg, say  s  o  m  e  t  h  i  n  g  

“Oh,” you simply let out.

The other girl burst out laughing and you weren’t sure why. She held onto her stomach and actually folded over in laughter. And for some reason, you couldn’t help but laugh with her. After you both laughed for what seemed like ages she wiped happy tears brimming at her eyes. “You were thinking for so long, and you had the shortest reaction.”

“I think my brain might have just glitched,” you chuckled.

“No worries.” the other girl smiled. “Anyway, you should come with me to the art studio sometime. It’s really pretty, plus I think my friends would really like you too.”

“Sounds like a plan.” You smiled.

The two of you talked longer, every minute felt like an hour and you enjoyed all of it. You learned so much more about Chaeyoung. You watched with adoration as she described the intricacies of “Girl” by The Internet and explained to you why it was her favourite song at the moment. You admired her as she went on and on about Justin Bieber, trying (and failing) to hide her inner Belieber. You smiled as she told you about a new spider tattoo she planned on getting on her hand and you laughed at how she cringed when telling you about her first kiss.

You were enthralled by her. Captivated.

“I could go for some food, how about you?” she randomly spoke up, breaking a small silence that had fell. She stood up and walked towards the kitchen area.

“You read my mind.” You muttered as you shuffled behind her.

“Good,” she chuckled. “I got some Ramyeon.” she smiled bright and held the noodle packs next to her head.

“Ah, it’s my favourite flavour as well!” you exclaimed.

“I know, I noticed you preferred it over the others. So I buy mostly this one now.” Your roommate casually said as she prepared the food. “You’re right. It’s really good.”

“Oh my god, Chaeyoung. You’re such a sweetheart.” You let out, admiring your roommate. She laughed at your remark and you went on, “I can’t believe I was intimidated by you at the start?”

The other girl burst out into laughter when you spoke, “Ah, you make my day. Me? Intimidating?” she put her hand against her chest and raised an eyebrow, acting offended. However, she quickly composed herself and turned the amused look on her face into the most adorable wannabe gangster one you have ever seen. “I mean, yeah, as you should.” She cutely quipped.

“Shut up, chae.” You slapped your roommate’s shoulder. “You’re not fooling anyone.”

When the food was ready you ate, going on and on about how this was the best Ramyeon you had both ever tasted – although that was probably just due to the munchies. Both of you were sitting on your roommate’s bed, still talking while tiredness was slowly taking over. Your voices had gotten lower and you had somehow, someway slowly found comfort being close to each other. Chaeyoung sat up against her bed frame and you rested your head against her shoulder. From this position, a seemingly permanent smile was plastered on your face as you got lost in her eyes.  

You were taking turns asking each other random questions, being stubborn and trying to avoid falling asleep. “what is your ideal date?” she had asked you. It was a good question. Not one you had really thought about before.

“I don’t really know actually,” you admitted. “Having a bite to eat with them would definitely be on the list. Maybe also do something cool before or after? Like visit a concert, or an aquarium or something – I don’t know. I also enjoy the arcade. I always used to go on my birthday when I was younger.”

“That sounds fun.” Chaeyoung said. You could hear it in her voice, she was tired too. “When is it actually, your birthday?”

“Saturday.” You said, mindlessly snuggling up closer to your roommate.

“What? So soon?” the other girl said, slightly taken aback. “were you going to tell me this?” she jokingly quipped.

“ah, no big deal.” You replied through a yawn.

You didn’t know if it was an after effect of the weed or the comfort you felt laying on Chaeyoung’s shoulder, but it felt like you had never been as tired as you were at that moment. However, stubborn as you were, you didn’t want the night to end.

“I disagree.” The other girl muttered under her breath. She looked down and chuckled at you fighting your natural urge to close your eyes. “You’re tired.”

“I’m good.” You tried.

Your roommate swung her arm over you, pulling you closer into a more comfortable position. “uhm,” she started tentatively. “you’re welcome to stay with me tonight…I mean, if you want.”

You melted in the comfort of her grip, and through the tiredness you managed to smile at her. “yeah, I’d like that.”

And just like that, you closed your eyes and another day was gone.

[doublel27]

How often do you think wardrobe and makeup have to sit down and negotiate about how often they can show rafa's (and other actors) arm muscles? I feel like makeup spends a lot of time every shoot covering tattoos on the whole cast (like I think Julian has a neck/ear tattoo that literally can't be covered by clothing) so they definitely put long sleeves on people in warm weather to not have to cover tattoos (it's Texas the long sleeves don't make sense for any other reason imo) But also the fans (and apparently wardrobe too if this season has been anything to go by) want to see all the Muscular Hot First Responders in Less Clothes so I feel like there's some admin person doing complicated math about how much salary/paid time they have for which department and who needs to wear sleeves to save money lol

This is attempt two, dear nonny, because I had a beautiful answer that got deleted, BUT, I'm certain there's a decent amount of conversation that goes into budgeting for a variety of makeup, especially airbrushing out tattoos.

Now, clearly the technology and the budgets have improved quite a long way from where they used to be. I mean, there was a time when it was easier to cover a tattoo with an alternate tattoo rather than cover it with foundation or clothing. There's definitely a conversation around how much makeup they can budget in a year and what they're using it for. There's the little stuff like the arms, but then they had to do Ronen's chest piece and his booty for ice storm, and Julian's whole chest piece (i can't see it in most of his photos, looks like it's just in his stories on insta when he's shirtless.

I will say, on the long-sleeves business, once people are used to the Texas weather they will wear long sleeves, especially through the winter months. My in-laws will wear an actual coat and turn on the heat in the car at anything under 70. So Marjan, Mateo, Judd, Grace, Tommy and Carlos who have been living in Texas or in Marjan's case Miami which is subtropical, would definitely be in long sleeves during the Winter/Spring months. Our northern compatriots could have adjusted by season 3? *shrugs* But it definitely helps.

I've particularly loved the outfits that should have burned up in a fire coming back this season. Likely, there wasn't enough money in the budget to entirely reinvent Ronen and Rafa's wardrobes so that none of their clothes looked the same. A solid amount of money probably went into new/revamped sets this season with the redo of the firehouse, the Tarloft (a magical set), Mateo's bedroom and Paul's apartment.

And that's the thing, the show is a business. Lone Star has a pretty high budget considering the scale they operate on with the ability to flip and blow up cars and create an ice palace that collapses (will never be over Judd watching Frozen for Charlie). Many of the cast have reported that it's sometimes closer to working on a movie set than on a TV show. And they can get that large budget due to being the #2 scripted show on the network (#1 when OG is on hiatus and LS is on), which leads to advertising slots during their timeslot to be more expensive and they're able to pull more money in through the network. Which is, of course, rewarded with more money into the budget. But that money is not infiniate and I'm confident Tim spends all of it.

[youarejesting]

Hope in the sheets.7

[Masterlist]

Beta: N/A Pairing: Hoseok x Reader Genre: Friendship, Comedy, Soft boy, Fluff, SMUT, Friends2Lovers, Words: 4.4k

Summary: You held many titles: his neighbor, colleague, wing-man… well, more likely a wing-woman, yet most importantly, you were his best friend. You had been friends since you were born. Between the two of you, you were younger; barely, but he never let you forget it. He always seemed to ruffle your hair and tease you, which could get rather annoying but he made up for it by treating you to things.

What if a drunken one night stand between you and your best friend Hoseok leads to more complicated situations? Your reckless twenties are cut short as you find yourself suddenly responsible for something a little more.

Warning: mentions a sex tape, mentions a birth tape

[First] [Previous] [Masterlist] [Next]

 “Ah! Ah! Ah!” This videotape felt dirty, Hoseok wasn’t sure why, but he was sweaty, his heart raced, as he tried to look anywhere but at the screen. The woman on the video kept making noises and heaven forbid he look between her legs. Was it warm in here or was it just him?

“As you can see the birth canal opens up wide to let the babies head come down and out and the shoulder here is the widest part, so you have to be careful to listen to your body otherwise you may tear, so here we go these are the final pushes and then the baby will slip out—”

“Hoseok, Hoseok wake up!” You called alarmed, Hoseok opened his eyes to see you and the birth class instructor standing over him.

“Don’t worry love, there is always one in every class who faints” The woman handed over some ice, “Put this behind his neck it will help slow his heart rate, nerves sometimes get the better of the soon to be dads”

Sitting up Hoseok sat up a little embarrassed, “sorry, I didn’t mean to faint”

“No, Hobi, it’s okay I feel nauseous as hell after that video too.  That looks scary as hell I don’t think I can do it” you whined. “This class traumatized me more than it helped, and what do we get a couple of cookies and some watered down juice. 

“You are so strong and I think you can do it?” Hoseok tried to reassure you and you scoffed. 

“If you're so confident you push the baby out.” Hoseok paled again swaying on the spot and you laid him back down. “You are properly scared aren’t you?”

“I am horrified,” he laughed, “I am a big chicken”

“Honestly, I am scared too but I don’t get a choice Hobi, this baby is inside me and it has to get out somehow." you shiver after confessing the fear that had been building in the back of your mind. “If I wasn’t afraid of surgery I would install the old side door”

The gesture of a flat hand across your stomach made Hoseok smile sadly. He took your hands in his. 

“I’m sorry that you have been dreading this. I will try to be someone who can eliminate your fears, little darling momma” he kissed your head. The instructor called everyone back to the mats and began explaining how to wash a baby and how to hold a baby for the first time. 

It was a fun class but you were happy to get home and rest, biding Hoseok good night. He went quickly to his house where Jimin was sitting waiting for him with a hanging clothes bag. 

“What were you so busy doing that I had to pick up your dry cleaning?”

“Y/n’s birthing class” Hoseok's face turned grave as he adopted a serious tone. “Jimin, don’t ever go to a birthing class. I don’t think I can unsee what I saw.”

“Haha, I’m not that silly, I know where babies come from. I am glad I am a man who likes men, so I will never step foot in a birthing class unless you pay me a large fortune. I mean I could watch someone give birth for money."

Hoseok shivered, making Jimin laugh at his expense. “You look pale, so let's change the subject. I bought Yoongi's old van. He sold it for some new equipment. That means I can get rid of the junk van I was driving before.”

“Can I have your old van?” Hoseok jumped on the opportunity. 

“Uh sure, but I think it’s more money than it’s worth, you can have it for free because it needs new everything.” He shrugged “I was just going to make it scrapped metal”

“Yeah I can fix it up, I got some money lying around.” Hoseok yawned, “anyway thank you so much for getting my suit. I have my first day of work tomorrow, so I should go to bed early”

“Alright, but tomorrow night celebratory drinks for your first day?” Jimin clutched his shoulder. 

“Of course,” Hoseok laughed, waving goodbye and carrying the suit to his apartment. 

“Hey man, how was your day?” Jimin shouted from his newly acquired van from Yoongi. “Get in, we can celebrate tonight” 

Jimin drove Hoseok home under strict orders to grab a nice change of clothes so the two could get ready at his house and go out celebrating Hoseok’s new job. Hoseok took the stairs two at a time leading to his apartment, his hand brushing past your old door. He missed you. He missed having you at his work, at his home, at his leisure. You two were inseparable and yet torn apart by the stages of life.

Hoseok had assumed you both would be single and somewhere in your mid-thirties you would just get married to one another for convenience. He grabbed some clothes and found the blacklight outfit you had bought for him, he pushed it aside trying to move on for just a moment. 

Instead, he grabbed a classic black button-up and a pair of black dress pants. He placed the items in a bag and headed back down to Jimin waiting excitedly in the driver's seat. He drove them across town singing along to the radio and pulled into the driveway of a beautiful home. Jimin was a sugar baby and so he accumulated a lot of money with ease.

Jimin picked up the package by his doorstep curiously and read the name, his face broke out into a smile. Opening the box he found a beautiful pair of earrings. Hoseok paused, knowing Jimin had been talking about these types of earrings for a long time, but these ones looked handmade and a little cheap, not from a brand-name store like most of Jimin’s other clients would buy.

“They are so cute,” Jimin smiled, lifting the note, reading it aloud. “I don’t have money, so I don’t ask for much, it would just be a waste of your time. Even with this, I still want you to know that I think you are really sweet the way you always help others and never forget to share compliments to those who catch your eye. I will never forget how kind and funny, you are especially at work. The way you run your fingers through your hair unconsciously, how you pout when you think, the way you can glide across the dance floor with drinks without spilling anything. You disappear behind the bar with the cutest laugh and I am completely in love with you.”

“You have an admirer,” Hoseok looked over his shoulder at the letter before asking, “I wonder who it is?”

“I am not sure who it could be?” Jimin frowned, taking the box into a spare room filled with gifts. “They seem really nice”

Once the letter was placed carefully in the room, Jimin stepped out and decided to get dressed for the night. He paused in the doorway walking back and taking the earrings. “Even though they are cheap I think I should at least wear them.”

The two got changed and Jimin posed, “take a picture of me looking over my shoulder, so I can post a picture of the earrings on my Insta”

Hoseok picked up his phone and stepped behind Jimin, ready to take the picture of Jimin’s bare shoulder, earring, and side profile. He stopped when his phone came up with the stupid storage message.

Storage full!

You can free up space on this phone by managing your storage in settings.

“I can’t take a picture,” Hoseok sighed. “My phone storage is full”

“It’s okay, I should put on a bit of makeup to make the picture really pretty. While I do that, use my computer to plug it in and delete stuff. You can save the rest onto a USB, which you will find in the top draw. The USBs should be empty.

Hoseok watched Jimin stroll into the bathroom and thought he might as well take care of this storage issue on the phone. Plugging the device in, Hoseok began going through and deleting memes and stupid screenshots he no longer needed. He went through saving many photos of you, and videos the two of you shared together.

That's when he came across the picture of the two of you dressed in your black light outfits. Both of you looking happy together in the mirror. Hoseok saved the photo to the USB. The next was a blurry picture on the dance floor, he didn’t need that.

Deleting a range of blurred photos, Hoseok kept swiping through them until he came across a video of you and Hoseok walking home. He heard you giggling and unconsciously smiled. He honestly was so in love with you.

There were a few more blurred videos and then there was a video of you two laying in Hoseok’s bed. His heart started to race as he watched you lean down and kiss him in the video. Hoseok couldn’t remember any of this.

The next video was of you removing your dress but it continued, sometimes the phone was just left on the bed face down, at other points, it was lifted and Hoseok heard himself talking as he pointed the camera at you underneath him. “I love you.” He had filmed you while you two were having sex, “I love being inside of you too.”

Hoseok felt a little guilty, while you two were drunk he took a video of you both, not only that but he felt as if he took advantage of you. The next video was taken from behind and Hoseok felt ashamed of himself for the stirring in his pants. 

“Are you watching porn?” Jimin laughed from the next room, confused as Hoseok switched to the next video. The two of you were cuddling on your side, Hoseok being the big spoon. 

Hoseok's face fell. What had he just watched? His head was reeling with so many thoughts that he couldn’t process them fast enough. He understood that it was you in the video, and you were with him. It was that night. Were you his dream girl? “I slept with Y/n?” He blurted and like being hit with a truck he came to a shocking revelation. Hoseok shot to his feet and spoke out loud hoping it would help him make sense of the situation, “Am I, I think, I might be the father?”

“Oh, Finally!” Jimin shouted, his voice carrying into the office. “I have been waiting for you to figure it all out”

“What do you mean?” Hoseok said his stomach was feeling sick, he didn’t know if he wanted to vomit or cry. The betrayal setting in, “How did you know? DID SHE KNOW?”

Jimin stepped into the room, his lips pressed together in a thin line, with a look of pity on his face confirming Hoseok's suspicion. Hoseok got up, his eyes flashing around the room in a panic. He pushed past Jimin and grabbed the old set of keys from the countertop. Hoseok escaped and drove fast. He didn’t have a destination in mind but after a few minutes of driving he ended up at a park by Han River.

Shutting off the engine, Hoseok let his hands fall from the wheel, his head resting back against the seat, letting out a loud guttural shout. He let the tears fall freely as his sobs racked his body, every breath catching in his throat as if he was choking. 

Hoseok wanted to scream, he wanted answers. They all knew. You knew. He thought he was your best friend, someone he trusted with all his secrets, and yet you kept something this big from him. The sick feeling in his stomach grew as did his anger and frustration with the situation.

How long were you going to keep this from him? When the baby was born? When the child was eighteen? Never? He had a right to know but all he wanted to know was why. 

He left the vehicle, his phone ringing with your number but he turned it off. He walked to the nearest bar somewhere dark and quiet and he drank until he couldn’t see his hands. 

“Hey mate you have to go, come on get up.” The bartender said, nudging him with an exaggerated sigh, “Mate can I call someone to come get you?”

“No one, my best friend is a liar, she is pregnant and didn’t even tell me it is my child,” Hoseok mumbled into the table. The bartender sighed again reaching into his pocket, “Who do you want me to call mate?”

“No need to call, I will go,” he said, pulling out his keys only to have them snatched from his hand. Hoseok turned to see Yoongi grabbing Hoseok’s things and thanking the bartender. “What do you want?”

“I got a distressed call from Y/n she is hysterical, I have checked in every bar and searched the nearby streets for Jimin’s old van. Yoongi threw the keys to Jimin who was waiting by the abandoned van and Yoongi scooped Hoseok inside.

Hoseok woke as Yoongi turned the key in the ignition they were headed for his home, but Hoseok had other plans. “You knew didn’t you?” Hoseok growled, “Take me to her."

“Not in this state?” Yoongi said definitely. “You are going to sober up, and then tomorrow you can speak with her.”

“You take me there right now, or I will get out of this car and go there myself!” Hoseok demanded, attempting to remove his seatbelt.

“Alright, alright sit down, I will take you to see her, but if you raise your voice at her I will knock you out and drag you back to your apartment." Yoongi turned to Hoseok with a menacing glare. "Do you understand?”

He nodded needing answers and he wasn't going to stop until you gave them to him. They pulled up outside your home and as he walked to the door he felt as if his legs were weak, ready to give way. He knocked with shaking hands.

He didn’t have to wait long for you to pull open the door eyes pink and swollen from your own tears.

"Hobi, I-" 

"Please don’t talk, you had your chance. This whole time, and you didn’t… You didn’t tell me, little darling.” His voice cracked as he held up a hand to stop you, “it’s my turn to talk, you can listen to me.”

He watched you wipe the tears away, he wanted to comfort you, you were his closest friend. He loved you so much and couldn’t bear to see you upset. “You knew we had sex, you knew what we did and you hid that from me, you fell pregnant and you hid that from me?”

“I told you when I lost my virginity, I told you when I scratched my dad’s car, I told you when I took money from my fathers wallet, or when I stole your homework. I told you when I was moving from home, I told you everything good and bad.” Hoseok pulled out the phone and played the video, the sounds of you two together filling the air. “But you couldn’t tell me, your best friend, that we did this? That I might be the father of this baby?”

“Hobi, I wanted to tell you I was-” Your tears were relentless and it looked like the weight of the world was crushing you with guilt. You looked lost, he knew there must be so much you wanted to say and explain but the words escaped you. All you could think to do was apologize, like some sort of animatronic doll with one function.

“Wanted to tell me isn’t telling me,” he frowned. “Say it, is this baby mine?”

“Yes, you are the father?” You whimpered, holding your stomach. Hoseok didn’t feel better. He didn’t feel better confronting you or getting the truth. He didn’t feel better watching you cry. “I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. You are all I have Hobi, and I love you.”

“I thought I loved you too. I thought I really truly loved you, that even though I wasn’t the father, I would step in if I could. It turns out the woman I fell in love with is nothing but a liar.” Hoseok turned away unable to see your face contort in pain from the words he was saying, “I am disappointed in you. You said you wanted to grow up, but this is so immature”

Demanding to leave, Yoongi took Hoseok and headed to the van once more, hoping that the two of you could rebuild your relationship. It was painfully obvious that you both were painfully in love, so much so, that it was breaking your hearts more to fight with one another, than over whatever the fight was about.

You had spent the rest of the night crying until pure exhaustion took over your body and you fell asleep. No matter how many times you texted or called you got no response. You had left almost fifteen voicemails before you became too hysterical to speak. You were emotional and trying your hardest not to break down long enough for you to think things through. 

It took four days and sitting in the bottom of the shower for ten minutes before you came to a decision. Even before Hoseok knew he was the father, you had planned to do it on your own. You weren't weak and you knew for certain that you would be okay. You had planned to raise this child as a single mother, you had hoped to tell Hoseok before all this happened, but you had planned for it just in case something like this did happen.

You could do this without Hoseok, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt, that you weren't mourning the relationship you had lost. You picked yourself up and put on a brave face crying only when you were alone as you single-handedly funded Ben and Jerry's company with the amount of ice cream you consumed.

You arrived at the next prenatal appointment. You watched all the couples cooing at their bellies and the little sonogram photos, as you sat alone quietly rubbing your belly and thinking how much you loved this child.

It strengthened your bond between you and your baby. You were working hard at your job, not ready to go on maternity leave as you didn’t know how financially stable you would be. You also worried because, without the distractions of work, you realized how alone you truly were and how much you missed Hoseok.

You wanted nothing more than to go back in time and take it all back. You wanted to get the courage and tell him. You would give anything to wake up beside him the morning after and just let yourselves deal with the aftermath.

Your mother's words echoed in your head, only able to be drowned out by the sound of your baby's heartbeat through the doppler, as the ultrasound technician measured your sweet little baby girl.

She had done no wrong and deserved only good things. It was on your way home from the scan that you decided to enter the baby boutique. You knew you were filling a Hoseok shaped void in your chest but you didn’t care, purchasing clothes, socks and shoes, and a tiny beanie all in mint green, white, or grey. At the checkout, you saw a small personal travel doppler for eighty dollars. It wasn’t as strong or as reliable as the one at the clinic but you bought it anyway. 

It was the first thing you did when you got home, you put the gel on your stomach and pressed the doppler to your tummy, and listened to the tiny heartbeat and the swishing of the umbilical cord. The tears didn’t stop and that heartbeat in your belly was the mantra to which you swore to live your new life.

You were no longer living for yourself, you were living for your daughter, whom you loved so dearly. You stopped looking for Hoseok through the seventh and moved into the eighth month of your pregnancy feeling semi-okay.

Called by the marketing director to meet with the client, you followed him with documents, “Why did you pick me?” you asked

“You are the only one fit for this job,” He said, which made you feel odd, surely the pregnant lady wasn’t the first choice. However, you obeyed his orders, grabbed your coat, and followed to the restaurant where you were met with an unbelievable sight. 

There was Hoseok standing by a beautiful woman dressed in a suit. Not only was it a punch to the chest, but it also left you self-conscious, resembling a chocolate egg. The way your body was so rotund did not do wonders for one's self-esteem.

Hoseok didn’t notice you until you stepped up to the table, your director announcing your arrival and greeting the young woman with a kiss on each cheek. “This is my hardest working assistant Miss Y/n,” The director said and you wondered again why he had chosen you to accompany him to the meeting.

“Well let’s get to business” the client smiled. You sat at the table and they brought out menus. “I will have the salmon en papillote, with a nice chardonnay.” 

“I will have the same,” the marketing director said, attempting to look cool but you weren’t so sure.

“We will have the Steak au Poivre, I will take medium rare and she will have hers well done. What is in the side salad?” Hoseok asked and you looked up over the menu shocked by his audacity.

“We use a mesclun mix for its various colors and textures, with Lebanese cucumbers and avocado for a fresh and creamy taste and a drizzle of classic french vinaigrette” the waiter smiled politely. 

“Skip the salads and instead vegetables would be preferable for both.” Hoseok closed the menu and looked up, the waiter looked at you for confirmation and you nodded handing over the menu.

“Have you two met before?” The client asked curiously and Hoseok shook his head, “It’s just you ordered for her?”

“She is pregnant so the best meat option is beef well cooked, and the salad would most likely make her sick due to the acidity in the vinaigrette.” Hoseok continued,  “the vegetables, though plain, will be easier to handle and will benefit her better than a salad. It is something I learned in a birthing class once”

“Yeah, and you haven’t been back since.” You scoffed, drinking your water trying to calm yourself so you didn’t explode with anger.

“I didn’t think I had to, seeing as I am not the father of any children.” He said dryly back and you stood up throwing the napkin at him, tears welling up in your eyes. You didn’t care if he didn’t like you and refused to acknowledge your presence ever again, but saying that about your child was not okay.

“You take that back, Hoseok." You almost shouted but restrained yourself due to the setting, Hoseok didn’t appear to move and you tilted your head back and took a shaky breath. “I am sorry, it seems I am feeling ill, allow me to leave first”

You stepped out the door and headed down the road trying to find a cab when a hand grabbed your arm. Disappointed when it turned out to be the marketing director. “I rescheduled our meeting, I am sorry, you had to deal with something like this, it must be stressful being so pregnant”

He touched your belly and you were a little uncomfortable. This man was a little too interested in your pregnancy. At first, you thought he was just a nice boss who was looking out for you, but it was clear he had some strange thoughts running through his mind.

When he said he would drive you home, you told him you had an appointment. Even then he was determined to take you to the appointment, but you waved down a cab and jumped in quickly. You arrived at Jin and Tonic for a much-needed appointment.

“I want a drink” you sighed and Seokjin gave you water and you looked up seriously. I want an actual drink Jin, I am going through the worst year of my life.”

“Worse than the time you tried to become a volunteer at a homeless center, where some weird lady cut chunks out of your hair, so you had to shave it off?"

"Then you got into a fight with Hoseok because he drew an arrow on your head while you were sleeping and everyone called you Aang,” Jimin added as he shed his small jacket, showing off a pretty choker chain necklace with a rose pendant. “Cause you said that was the worst year of your life.”

“This is worse,” you said. “At least I was the one angry at Hobi and I forgave him quickly, now he is angry at me and even denied being the father of our baby. That’s not even the worst of it. My boss has some sort of pregnancy fetish and keeps trying to touch my belly and I am not here for it”

“Pregnancy fetish?”

“It’s not sexy, I am swollen from the neck down, I couldn’t see my feet this morning. I just hope I wore the same shoes. My bladder is so squished I am peeing all the time, I am hormonal and sweaty, and I can’t fit into my favorite pajamas.” The hysterical sobbing was muffled by the bar and it made Jimin giggle behind his hand. He walked around to give you a hug and Jin presented you with an ice cream sundae in an effort to cheer you up.

“Dance with me, pretty lady,” Yoongi said, finishing his drink and taking your hand. He led you to the dance floor where you were slow dancing like you used to. “You are still as pretty as always. Okay, you may not feel beautiful right now due to all those things, but I promise that you are.”

“Thanks, Yoongi.” You tried to get close enough to hug Yoongi but your belly prevented you from doing so, he stepped behind you and wrapped his arms around you slipping his hands under your belly and swaying. He was trying to take some of the weight to relieve some pressure on your back. “You are amazing,”

“I am, aren't I.” He laughed, swaying you softly.

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[msgrumpygills]

Social Media Anon Here!

Firstly, never change Grumpy ;) you are probably the only person on Tumblr to LISTEN to another view and let it change a prejudice.

Secondly, the Padagram/Social Media change bus continues. Don't be fooled people will be looking at positive and negative reactions to that change on social media.

So here goes!

1. They are starting to market season 2 of Walker in Hiatus. That really doesn't happen. That means they know they need to target new viewers. They are acknowledging they have a problem. The main problem is Jared either didn't learn enough about production quality on SPN (Jensen/Misha were both more interested in behind the camera's) or that he thought he could stick a Stetson on and we all had such sh1t for brains we'd watch anything. So they need a viewer boost DESPARATELY and are going all out to (a) persuade Walkers remaining viewer(s) that it's worth sticking around and (b) get back old viewers or convert 1m+ viewers to season 2. So now we see all the cast (and Keegan has more followers than Jared and Lindsay has a VERY engaged following) trying to persuade their followers how fabulous Walker is. Expect this scrabbling to continue if they want their COVID paychecks.

2. Connected to 1, Jared has started trying to break out of the fandom bubble. I don't think he's trying for power couple (the clue in a power couple is that two FAMOUS people get together and create a super brand, here we have one niche C famous guy and a hanger on wife), I think we are in Jared profile raising and trying to raise his recognition score, which is probably a little low having half assed it in the last year and a half. He's doing it by scatter-gunning so I'm not sure it's going to stick.

3. Connected to 2,

(i) if I run my algorithm clean laptop with a "Jared Padalecki" news search, I get (a) a daily mail article on Jared "clarifying the rift" (b) a "hello" magazine saying he's been "inundated with support after death of "family member"" (c) the new york times article on Walker and Supernatural. It then goes into a variety of articles about Jared raising money for Holly's family (fucking atrocious in my view to use her death for publicity) and a series of derivative articles on his mantrum and later explanation. ONLY THE NEW YORK TIMES ARTICLE MENTIONS WALKER other than as a throw away, all of the others link to Supernatural only. Walker isn't on the main radar of anyone as a show. It's not mainstream enough to mention. it has ZERO buzz.

(ii) if I run the same search on my compromised tablet, I get a SEA of fluff articles "jared padalecki goes to venice", "jared padalecki's wife wishes him a happy birthday" "jared padalecki goes to watch soccer" "jared padalecki goes to the wrestling". I'm expecting "Jared Padalecki defecates regularly" tomorrow.

At the end of that I get the same articles as in (i) but the majority of his publicity is still going through the fandom and the, not very viewed, endless zine type websites that update on every episode of every geek show every day.

So we are seeing, and I expect it to continue, a break out Padalecki, (who knows he and his forehead may wish to have a final crack at films), and a fluff Padalecki, trying to stay relevant a year after SPN relevance ended, because he hasn't got the same push for season 2 of Walker as he had for season 1 and Walker has zero presence. No one, not even the fans are talking about Walker.

Will it work? I don't think so. Keegan has 7m followers on Insta and that's because he's a photographer and writer and it's interesting. I would follow his account (I don't), but certainly it isn't a Walker instagram.

Jared is a clever guy, but he's boring on social media. He has a limited appeal. He does family snaps, hunk snaps, flogs orange pee and flogs his show. He says "family" and "mantra" a lot but that's really it. The clue is, if you didn't know who he was and came across his instagram you wouldn't follow him. Why would you? For a video of a guy running up steps? A smug picture of two middle aged men trying to flog you something?... (oh and lots of "brother" comments on Keegan's social media, which is irritating. It's like he thinks that is his repeatable formula and it isn't).

His media approach won't work because advertising and exposure pushes a product. In TV's case, it's not a one off product and there is a lot of competition. Product Jared needs to be more interesting (his mantrum's are the only exciting thing about him - and that is tragic) and his TV show just needs to be BETTER, well, a LOT BETTER.

Soooo, expect the Padapush to continue, but it's not about a couple, it's about individual marketing and for Jared breaking out of SPN bubble. For Gen, it's her tag along profile that she'll never break out of. She'll have to be satisfied with her superpower of being able to persuade people to buy toothbrush's and dog food (if she can).

Expect though the couple's bit to die off a little. Jared is getting over exposed. His engagement rating is plummeting (nearly 3% is a plummet) because of the repetitive photo content. He'll have to back off or people will switch off (I have already). What makes me laugh is.... from the dawn of time when cavemen took their wives 2 miles away for a new cave weekend.... NO ONE HAS EVER BEEN INTERESTED IN SOMEONE ELSE'S HOLIDAY SNAPS.... Gen and Jared apparently need to learn that lesson...

I might stop these posts now because, well, it's gotta be a bit boring for you and I write LONG. :)

Stay safe and wear your masks ;) xxx

I don’t want you to ever ever change, lovely! Also, I’m NEVER bored by your messages! You put so much effort into the research you do and the messages you send and it’s appreciated! <3 

I started following Lindsey on IG because she seems pretty genuine, and her cat is way too cute! Plus, I like her attitude. I haven’t followed her for the whole Walker season, but even she doesn’t post a lot about it. She posts interviews and then posts about that night’s episode, but other than that, nothing.  Can’t speak for Keegan, but how are fans and non-fans supposed to be excited about a show when the people STARRING in the show can’t be bothered? Maybe they’re all aware of how shitty it is or maybe they’re lazy, but it doesn’t make sense. 

I’m always interested to see the difference in an “algorithm-free” setting and one that has an algorithm. I always figured Google was the same for everyone, but seeing the difference in articles you’ve outlined is insane. It really just goes to show that Jared isn’t the star that his stans think he is. He’s not as important as they think he is, he’s just an actor.  It’s even more jarring to see just how little Walker is talked about at all. All of my devices probably have been “contaminated” when it comes to algorithm so I can’t really speak personally about the public and fans talking about Walker or not talking about it. I can say that on the posts about Walker from the Supernatural Facebook page, a good chunk of the comments are people saying they stopped watching, never got into it, or thought it was trash. There are only a handful of comments talking about how they enjoy the show. 

I think it was disgusting for him to use a fan’s passing for publicity. And no, I don’t think it was anything other than a PR stunt. Her family had a GFM going that was promoted by plenty of the case INCLUDING GEN, so you know he knew about it. But for him to make his own special one and then have articles posted everywhere about how charitable he is? That’s gross PR bullshit and I hope it backfires. 

I still follow a few Supernatural fans, Jared fans, Jensen fans, etc. on Tumblr and even they aren’t mentioning it. I think maybe the hardcore Jared stans post gifsets or whatever, but I don’t see much praise for the show itself, just Jared’s looks. Even the fans aren’t biting and that would make me reevaluate everything if I was Jared. 

I'm expecting "Jared Padalecki defecates regularly" tomorrow. This made me laugh way too hard!

who knows he and his forehead may wish to have a final crack at films You are on a ROLL!  Maybe I’ve become biased, but I can’t see Jared doing films. I mean, I could see him doing like a side character role or something small, but I can’t see him having a big part of a movie. Like I said, maybe that’s me being biased but I see him staying in TV. I could be proven wrong, but I don’t know. 

I agree about Jared being boring on SM. I used to get some giggles from his Twitter posts and even some of his early IG posts because they were goofy, clever, and candid. It showed his humor and was more personable. Now it’s just all fake and comes off as someone whose only motivation to engage with fans is money and that’s a big turn off. 

For me personally, I think that if instead of the “couple goals” bullshit that they try to push for their lavish trips, if they just posted cool pictures they took of different locations, activities, food or whatever, that would be more palatable than all the “Look at my hubster and I! We’re in Italy! Look at how in love we are!” But maybe that’s because I’ve become a bit of a photography nerd? 

I guess time will tell whether or not Jared will make positive changes and if Walker can be saved, but I’m not really optimistic about it. 

I AM optimistic about your takes on things so keep them coming! Long posts or not, I love them! <3

[quiveringdeer]

pet sickness, pet passing, grieving

I lost my Grayson yesterday morning so just typin down some feelings to get them out.

this is basically like a diary for me so i feel better putting this down here than on insta where I've already been posting lots of photos of him. But anywho, I lost my Grayson yesterday morning. He was having a dental procedure to remove some teeth that were inflaming his gums and painful for him to eat. Turned out there were actually 4 that needed extracting instead of the 2 the vet had originally noticed. So he was in more pain than we even knew.

I found out last May that his "small heart murmur" that the rescue told me about after I'd decided to pick him just as I was about to sign the papers-- turned out Gray had that and extremely advanced terminal heart disease. He was only 6ish when I adopted him in summer 2020 and had previously been a feral but had such a sweet demeanor that he found his way to the rescue to be adopted.

Two weeks ago his blood work was saying good to go with the anesthesia. Then Tuesday night him AND Brook began puking multiple times. The frequency in such a short time and with BOTH of them was hella concerning so took them in Wednesday to be checked since Gray's procedure was to be Thursday morning. They both got some nausea meds and the vet noticed Gray's gums were pretty enflamed but nothing to worry about, I could've taken them both back home that afternoon. Since I live about 40 min from the vet and these gas prices are outrageous I decided to pay for him to be held overnight so I could save a little money and almost 2 hours drive time to and fro.

Got a call around 10 when the doc said he was stable and doing ok, told me more teeth than expected had to come out and what the price would be, I agreed and then around 10:45 or something I was just starting to make myself food when the vet called again. The procedure was supposed to take like 30 min so didnt think anything of it, and as soon as I heard her voice I knew something was wrong. He didn't end up coming around from the anesthesia, they tried some different things to assist, and his teeth had caused lots of heavy bleeding and the vet isn't sure exactly what it was but guessed maybe he threw a blood clot and had a stroke.

So they had him on oxygen but there wasnt really anything dor them to do and wanted me to come and say goodbye. And when I got there, he was gone, which like he was pretty much already while on the phone but they put me in a private room and then his vet brought him in wrapped up lile a swaddled baby in a towel for me to hold him and be with him as long as I needed and this is the first time I've lost a pet as an adult and I waited over a decade till I felt financially and geographically stable enough to finally adopt pets of my own. And it's wrecked me.

But he needed the procedure cause it was causing him not to eat like he usually does and that's just how things are but fuck it hurts so damm much.

I think Brook is grieving too, she's generally pretty high energy and would always get zoomies and playfully attack him, of which he remained unbothered because he was such an amazingly chill cat, and I took out some of her toys today to toss around and she has a high prey drive but just looks at me like, what are you doing? And she's always snuggly but she's been extra so, even the night he stayed at the vet. She's not good at being alone and I had gone out to meet friends for dinner. I originally adopted another cat to be her companion while I was at work.

But yeah. Gray would always be the one to get up and follow me to the bathroom cause he liked to get head scratches. And he didn't really meow, I guess cause he grew up in a feral colony, but he'd open his little mouth real big and let out a whisper kind of meow when he was hungry or wanted treats even tho i got them an automatic feeder. And last May when he had to start taking meds for his heart condition morning and night, it helped me get on a ritual of giving him his morning meds and then taking my own. Which is how I was able to get him certified as an emotional support animal. And today I had to take them and I'd left his leftover meds at the vet yesterday since he wouldnt be taking them, and yeah it and going to the bathroom and not hearing his little whisper meow have been such big triggers today. And ive been crying off and on all day which is good. But yeah.

I have an alarm set for his night meds that just went off and my phone reads the reminder so it says, "evening pimobendan for GrayGray" and I'm losing it again here sobbing and getting the notif is what sparked me to write this all down. I havent been going to therapy since like November cause i just wasnt really vibing with my therapist anymore so typing this down is helpful.

But yeah. I fucking miss him and it was so damn hard to see him there still and limp. And his body was still warm but his ears and paws had already gone cold and I don't know if it's cause it's just my grief to bare and the fact that no one else really knows him like I do, or that it happened so quick, but it feels more cutting than when my grandparents passed. Which I had also been anticipating for some time but involved lots of other family being around and community and such so.

Today my two cousins and I were sharing photos and lil funny moments about him since they lived with me for a little over a month at the start of 2021 and had bonded close with him and brook. It's helped. I've also decided to get him cremated, to be able to still have him close i guess?? i dont fuckin know. I dont own a house or anything so I don't have a place to bury him. And it was gonna be like 300 or somethin to recieve the ashes back but fuck it. I was fine dedicating my tax refund check to that and paying off his med bills. And the vet staff were so fuckin generous and kind. They have a donation fund people give to to help out clients in special situations and the lady helping me decide on the next preparations came back in and told me they had all decided to gift me from those funds and pay for his cremation. And his vet even texted me today to check in on me and offer her support if I needed to call.

So I've been reading a bunch of articles about this grieving process cause analytical brain and trying to read stories of others going through similar emotions is helping. I'm gonna order an engraved box urn from etsy that I can have for his ashes and his little bowtie collar he never even wore since he and brook are strictly inside and he had some hairloss in a line around his neck from where I guess a previous collar had been. But it's his so.

Last May after learning about his advanced heart disease and hearing he had probably less than 6 months to live--which he fuckin beat like the little badass he was--a friend of mine who's an awesome photographer do a photoshoot of him and us together. She's been havin a rough year so I hadnt really bothered her about getting the files. Plus he was still truckin and being his mighty little self. But I'm gonna get an urn that let's you slip in a picture on the front and hoping to use one of those.

I also unplugged the automatic feeder cause at the three meal times it has a short recording I made that calls him and brook to meal time, and I don't have the heart to erase and change the recording.

All over the place but that's what diaries are for.

I don't even know what I believe in spirtually but to his energy, I love you GrayGray, you were such an amazingly chill cat who put up with me and Brook's shenanigans and I' so grateful that I got to meet you and give you a furever family home with us and that you are no longer in pain. I really miss you sweetsweetboy. Thanks for blessing my life with knowing your beautiful, sassy, little soul.

[gffa]

I still have about a dozen more messages to get to, but a) I’m about to fall asleep here and b) I’ve spammed your dashes already so much I’M SORRY at least they’re tagged for blacklisting!! and c) listen it’s been like five hours since I talked about Animal Crossing, that’s long enough to go without!! @cryptid-coalition said: I definitely want to start doing more cool mods like this. is Pinterest a good place to start looking for inspo? I spend a lot of time looking at Animal Crossing inspo stuff and Pinterest is actually pretty good and most of the time (at least as far as I’ve experienced) they’re pretty good at linking back to the source.  But I also spend a lot of time watching YouTube speedbuilds (I skip to the end because I’m just interested in the tour part) and island tours, as well as the AC subreddit has some amazing stuff in it, and I hit up Instagram every so often. It helps to figure out what style you want--fairycore? cottagecore? forestcore? a more urban style island? etc.--but sometimes it’s hard to figure that out and you just need a place to start! So, I like YouTube tours and some of my favorite channels are: - Kyuubi Crossing (check out this one of a Scottish countryside, it’s GORGEOUS) - Lex Play (a mix of speedbuilds, inspiration ideas, and tours) - Reem Crossing (mostly speed builds, but this island’s style is SO MUCH MY JAM, I love the vintage look!) - consolecaito (another mix of tips, tours, speedbuilds, etc.) - Heath Horizons (a bit of a mix, but mostly island tours lately) - Katie on Calla Cove (a mix but LOTS of tours there) If you’re looking for a style, try some various ones out and see if one just smacks you in the face for what you want to do!  I like tours because Pinterest and Instagram and Reddit can make a close cropped photo look amazing, but that doesn’t tell you what it feels like to walk around in it, and I wanted something that was more about flow and overall theme. HOWEVER, if you want more detail oriented inspo, I like some of these places: INSTAGRAM: - #acnhidea will lead you to some of the best posters around TUMBLR: - qr-closet has some amazing stuff and is one of my go-to blogs for new ideas - miss_acnh has some lovely designs (also on insta) - acnhkiosk has more excellent custom designs - omg-acnh has still more yet - vera-crossing does lovely work with her designs (mostly interior stuff but she has some stellar outdoor decorating, too!) You can also do searches for stuff like: - animal crossing interior - animal crossing design and get a lot of inspiration just from checking out what’s available. REDDIT: - The ACNH subreddit can be a lot to scroll through, but it can be fun to check out what’s there and get inspired from some of them! But, honestly, a big one is just Googling for what you’re looking for, like I’m considering building a lavender farm on my island, so I’ll Google “animal crossing lavender farm”, click the images tag, and start browsing.  Same for Pinterest, just type in what you’re looking for and start scrolling! There’s a lot out there and I suggest starting a folder on your computer to save any images that you want to remember later (most people are pretty good at putting their usernames on their caps, so you can find them again later) and skimming through YouTube tours until you settle on what really sparks joy with you and then just experiment, experiment, experiment.  Don’t be afraid to mess up, I have taken down stuff that took me hours to build and my sense of what I want has only grown stronger for it! And also REBLOG ANY CUTE STUFF YOU SEE OR AT LEAST SEND ME A MESSAGE ABOUT IT BECAUSE I AM SO INTO THIS STUFF!!!