#this one is kind of a sequel to that other time I drew her in a sweater

[xmrnothingx]

Samus Aran from Metroid

It's that time of year again, time to draw Samus in a sweater. This time in cool, over-the-shoulder pose. And if it wasn't obvious enough, I love drawing hair, especially Sammy's

[yoditopascal]

Home

“I made it, I'm home.”

Or

Four times Sanemi wants you to use his first name and the one time you do.

pairings: shinazugawa sanemi x fem! reader

warnings: fluff, hurt/comfort, slight angst, sanemi is bad at feelings and communication, slight sanemi/giyu if you squint

a/n: first sequel is up! My Nemi is 18+ so minors DNI. The second sequel is also up! Con La Brisa !

The first time Sanemi crossed paths with you was the day you were introduced to him.

He’d recently become the Wind Hashira and you were requesting to become a tsugoku.

They were all gathered for a hashira meeting to discuss the next training procedures for the lower ranking slayers. As time drew on, Shinazugawa found himself mentally thankful as the meeting drew to an end.

“Before we draw this to close, I’d like to bring one last thing to attention.” Oyakata-sama paused before continuing as you stood behind him head bowed in respect as he spoke

“I’m sure you’ve heard of a demon slayer who has been performing above expectations,” Oyakata-sama said gently. “She’s an exceptional swordswoman and has been recommended by Tomioka-san.”

The training grounds remained silent as the nine hashira waited for their master to continue.

“After some thought, I have reached the conclusion ….” Oyakata-sama smiled. “I’m assigning her to one of you as a tsuguko.”

“Shinazugawa-san,” he offered Sanemi a kind smile. “Since you both trained under the same master I think she would be best in your care.”

“Not interested.”

“Maybe Tomioka-san would be interested then since he-“

That got his blood boiling.

If he didn’t want to do it, why the hell should Tomioka be the one to replace him?

“With all due respect sir,” he said, Tomioka’s head tilts in his peripheral. Sanemi’s index finger plays with the hilt of his sword. “I don’t think Tomioka can cut it.”

“Why does it matter to you Shinazugawa? You already said you weren’t interested.” Uzui raised a brow at him, a hint of teasing behind his words. Obanai nodded his head in agreement in the background.

“It's because I doubt she can handle my training.”

“I’d like to prove myself to you if you’d let me Shinazugawa-sama, '' you said, stepping forward. You were significantly shorter than him, probably around Obanai’s height.

“Cut the -sama bullshit.” He fired back, also stepping forward. He practically towered over you at this point. You were cute he had to admit albeit a little annoying.

You had to admit from your distance you thought he was attractive too. His lilac eyes and fluffy white hair were striking, his scars added a liveliness to his features that you also liked and don’t get you started on his muscles that he proudly had on display.

“Fine then if you think you can keep up with me I’ll take you.” He said snapping you from your thoughts.

“Very well, then.” Oyakata-sama said, pleased. “She will continue training from here on as Shinazugawa’s tsuguko.”

“I can’t wait to work together, I’ve heard so much about you from Giyu-san!”

Giyu?

Why the hell were you already on a first name basis with him?

“It’s Tomioka to you brat.”

“My apologies I didn’t mean to-“

“Don’t let it happen again.”

The remaining hashira grinned teasingly in the background, at the commotion. For someone who had claimed to hate Tomioka’s guts he sure was defensive about the first name thing.

But that wasn’t it at all.

Did he just take on an apprentice because he didn’t want Giyu to have you?

Yes, yes he did.

Did he also correct you just because he didn’t want Giyu to have the satisfaction of being on a first name basis with you?

Of course he did.

He was Sanemi Shinazugawa after all and he had a reputation to uphold.

He had no idea how you two had even met each other with your breathing styles being so different and all or why the hell you two seemed so close to begin with but if you were to train under him he had to squash that in the butt right here and now.

Sanemi was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't realize that the meeting had officially ended. As the hashira began filing out of the courtyard you approached him startling him from his inner monologue.

“Are we ready to begin training Shinazugawa-sama?” You asked

“What the hell did I tell you about that honorific shit?” He groaned.

“Fine then how about Shinazugawa-sensei?” You replied cheekily

Knowing that he wasn’t getting through to you he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

He decided then that he doesn’t like being called Shinazugawa by you.

The second time

“Fuck off.” He rasped. You had just reached the inn you were staying at when you noticed him wincing.

“You’re hurt.” You mumbled, noticing the blood dripping onto the floor beneath him.

“‘m fine,” He shook his head, but the state of him said otherwise.

The blood around the wound had already started to congeal, sticking to his skin and clothes. He was starting to go dizzy from the blood loss.

“No, you’re not,” You frowned

“I told you I’m fine.”

“If you’re as fine as you say, then you won’t mind me taking a look.” You persisted with a grunt he submitted to you and your examination

You were looking at the cut now, nose wrinkled as you assessed the damage.

“Well the good news is you’ll live.”

“Oh joy.”

“The bad news is this’ll probably scar up pretty bad” you said standing to gather the necessary medical supplies before returning to his side. You two had foregone bring Kakushi with you this time as you weren’t that far from the butterfly mansion.

“Let me bandage it up so it doesn’t become infected.”

Wringing a rag out, you forced Sanemi to sit as you began to dab at the wound cleaning it, little sparks of pain ate away at him at each stroke of the cloth, his muscles tensing under your delicate touch.

“Sorry sensei, I’ll get this done as fast as I can.”

Again, there it was.

“I told you to drop the formalities.”

You pulled the clean bandages tight as you began to wrap his torso with a small uneasy chuckle.

“Force of habit.”

You were warm and he could smell the soothing scent of you with how close you were to him, the proximity was getting unbearable, a knot was beginning to form in the pit of his stomach.

As your fingers gently brushed against his chest with such tenderness he wasn’t used to since Kanae, Sanemi felt a jolt of electricity in his chest.

What the hell was that?

“There, that should do it.” You smiled to yourself admiring your handiwork as you placed a hand on his shoulder.

“We’ll get Kocho-san to take a better look at it when we return tomorrow.”

“Whatever.” He brushed you off but all you did was smile your same smile at him.

Realizing the close proximity he felt another pang in his chest as his cheeks began to dust pink.

Was he developing a heart condition? He’d have to ask Shinobu about that the next time he saw her.

Easing up from his place on the ground he stood with his back to you hiding his flustered expression.

“Get some sleep. We’re leaving early in the morning.”

“Shouldn’t I be telling you that?” You teased.

“Just shut up and get some rest.”

The third time

Sanemi pulled off your haori and tied it to your torso trying to staunch the bleeding. The feeling of the warm, sticky blood dripped down your side as you approached the Butterfly estate.

He could feel the warmth from your blood soaking through your uniform, staining his own.

Shinobu, who had been tending to the grounds outside rushed to his side at the sight of you and ushered him to bring you inside. It was hard to separate him from you, he was holding on so tightly, his grip almost like an iron vise.

A strong hand on his shoulder pulled him out of his thoughts and got him to loosen his grip. He looked to see it was Rengoku who had also just come back from a mission and was having his own injuries tended to. “Kocho’s got this Shinazugawa.”

"Don't worry, I’m sure she’ll be fine."

He didn’t know that, how could he?

“You don’t know shit.”

“I know that she’s in good hands here. The same hands that treat you and all the other Hashira when we need it most.” Rengoku said, placing a hand on Sanemi’s shoulder which he shrugged off immediately. “So just try to keep a clear head Shinazugawa.”

“Don’t fucking tell me what to do.” Sanemi said, storming off in the direction they took you, feeling more irritated than he was before speaking with the Flame Pillar.

It had all happened so fast.

Both you and Sanemi had been chasing after a demon who had been kidnapping and eating children. The absolute worst of the worst.

You were losing your temper and fighting brash, something he’d never seen from you before but not something he was new to entirely.

Just like Masachika.

You were so blinded by rage over the fact that the victims were children that you could barely hear him as he directed you to coordinate your attacks.

The last thing he remembers is going in for the killing strike when suddenly the demon throws a kid at him, a little girl. He stops his attack mid swing to catch her but in doing so he leaves himself wide open to the demon.

Fucking idiot! He thought as he tried to move out of range in time, before the demon could sink her claws into him he felt a hard push and the next thing he saw was red.

Blood.

It was your blood. Dripping onto the ground forming a dark red puddle around your feet.

When had you gotten there?

You had pushed him out of the way at the last second and had taken the brunt of the attack, your side torn almost clean open.

The smell of copper fills his nose completely and he almost chokes on it.

“Shinazugawa.” Shinobu started firmly sitting at a desk chair snapping him from his thoughts. She had just finished stitching you up and had sent Aoi and the others to get you situated in a bed after you had passed out. “If you need to talk…”

“I don't need to fucking talk,” he said pacing grooves into the the wooden flooring of the hall of the Butterfly estate. “She was a fool for jumping in like that.”

“I know you’re worried about her but-“

“I’m not fucking worried!”

He was but he’d never tell Shinobu that.

His anger clouded his senses, sure he was worried but he was mad more than anything.

Who gave you the right to step in and put yourself on the line like that? For him of all people.

No. To Shinobu he wasn’t worried, he was pissed.

You’re met with the sight of a starch white ceiling as you came to, head pounding you slowly, sit up looking around the room, no one was occupying the other beds. Your body ached at even the slightest movement. For a moment, you thought you were completely alone until a familiar voice greets your ears.

“You finally awake?”

Sitting on a chair next to the bed was Sanemi, his arms crossed over his chest as he glared.

"How could you be so fucking stupid, you brat?"

“It’s okay Shinazugawa-san,” you sigh, “Kocho-san was able to patch me up.”

Shinazugawa-san. As if he wasn’t already irritated enough with you.

How annoying.

“Okay, my ass,” Sanemi grumbled, “and drop the -san.”

“You’re a Hashira sensei, your life is worth at least a hundred of mine.”

“You’re an even bigger moron than I thought if you really believe that shit!” Sanemi snapped “Don’t be so ready to throw your life away!”

“I guess I’m your dumbass then.” You mumble under your breath

“What?”

“Nothing, don't mind me.” You said waving your hand in front of you as if to dissipate the tension in the air.

Silence filled the space between you two.

“I won’t let you die. Not for me.” Sanemi said somberly, refusing to look you in the eye.

“That’s the only way I’d like to go,” you sighed dreamily, only half jokingly.

“Don’t say dumbass shit like that.”

“You’ve made bigger sacrifices. Let someone else make them for you for a change.” You nodded contentedly at what you said. “You deserve to live a full life just as much as I do so let me help you live it to the fullest.”

You would have thought that was the end of your conversation if Sanemi hadn’t stood with such force it knocked his chair over from your bedside.

“Don’t gimme that bullshit!”

“You think you’re so high and mighty talking about sacrifices when you really don’t know shit about sacrificing anything!”

Before you could say anything more, he stormed out slamming the infirmary shoji doors behind him.

He was right, what right did you have to tell him of all people about sacrifice when you knew about his past?

Sanemi hadn’t told you much himself but when you asked Oyakata-sama about him he had reluctantly told you about Genya and his mother.

If anyone had known anything about sacrifice it’d be him.

Slowly getting up from your bed you found yourself leaning against the wall as you limped through the halls searching for your teacher.

The wind whipped through his white hair as he sat in the garden attempting to meditate. He had initially come out here to cool his head by slashing at the training dummies but when he saw other slayers out there training themselves he opted to go to the other side of the grounds just to have some alone time.

He hadn’t meant to snap at you like he did, gods know you weren't wrong no matter how much he hated to admit it, so why did it piss him off so much to hear you talking so easily about throwing your life away for him.

You deserve to live a full life just as much as I do so let me help you live it to the fullest.

You reminded him so much of Masachika it made his head ache.

The wind picks up once again carrying with it the smell of wisterias and…something else he couldn’t quite place.

It was almost like it was trying to tell him something, like he wasn’t alone.

Whipping around just as the sliding shoji doors open up, Sanemi jumped up and made it to you just in time to catch you as you slipped and fell out into the garden having lost your grip on the wall.

“Dumbass! What the hell are you doing up?!”

“I was looking for you!” You cried “I’m sorry Shinazugawa, you were right, I had no right to be so ignorant!” You tried to bow but the searing pain in your side said otherwise.

He tsked as he went to sit you down on the engawa. Setting himself beside you so you could lean on him if you needed to.

“You really aren’t that smart are ya?” He asked roughly trying to lighten the mood but the way it came out made him wince at the harshness.

Thankfully after months of training at his side you could tell when he was trying to lighten the mood, so you simply smiled and closed your eyes savoring his warmth. “No one’s ever accused me of being a genius.”

It was then that he realized you hadn’t called him sensei, or by any honorific. He was simply Shinazugawa.

Maybe he was finally getting something through that thick skull of yours.

The fourth time

When the two of you arrived at the swordsmith village you split off almost instantly Sanemi muttering to himself something about needing a drink. You were so excited at the promise of hot water on your aching muscles that you hadn’t thought to ask Sanemi if he planned to bathe too.

Which was how you two found yourselves in your predicament.

This was good. Way too good. The hot springs were perfect. From where he sat Sanemi could see the steam rising off from the clear water. The atmosphere around it is breathtaking, decorated with rocks, and lush plants. The scent of it was intoxicating.

He can already feel the relaxing effects of the mineral waters soaking into his bones as he sinks further in. Sanemi’s entire body felt overly warm, whether from the springs or the sake he drank earlier that evening he wasn’t sure.

Something like a splash echoed off in the distance and Sanemi turned toward the sound only to find you, sitting with your back to him, eyes closed as you groaned in pure bliss, the hot water easing your sore muscles.

“The hell are you doing here?!” He screamed jumping up to point at your naked form forgetting to cover himself up as he did so.

“Same as you Shinazugawa-san, taking a bath!” You smiled cheerfully “you’re naked by the way.”

You said averting your eyes from his very bare form.

He quickly sank back down into the water, cheeks turning a bright red before he rolled his eyes at you.

There it was again. If you said his last name like that one more time he swore he was going to-

But before he could finish that thought he caught a glimpse of your back, almost completely unmarred and blemish free save for the gnarly scar that twisted up your side and shoulder as you moved to grab your rag to wash yourself.

Sanemi had never seen your body so exposed before, he hadn’t meant to look, he swears he hadn’t but he just couldn’t tear his eyes away from you.

That was my fault.

“It’s not your fault.” Your voice brought him back to reality before he could get lost in his thoughts.

“Huh?”

Now you were sitting next to him, back resting against the warm boulders that surrounded the springs, arms folded, covering your amble chest from his view.

“It probably would've happened either way. I was being too reckless that night.”

“Doesn’t stop me from feeling any less shitty about it.”

A silent blanket fell over the two of you, the rippling of the water beneath you two the only sound that could be heard.

“Don’t get hurt again.” The request came in a tone you’d never heard from your teacher before. There was an emotion in his voice, one that you couldn’t quite place. Fear? Pity?

Nonetheless you smiled at him with a reassuring smile before answering back “I’ll try my best.”

“Good,” he began cheeks tinging pink once again as he looked away from you. “now get the fuck out.”

The one time you do

When the battle with Muzan and the remaining Upper Moons was over and the Corps had officially dissolved, you took your time to heal from your injuries, paid your respects to the fallen and moved back home.

Your childhood home looked more or less the same since you’d left, but it felt different. You couldn’t put your finger on it, maybe it had changed somehow or maybe it was just you that had changed but something felt like it was still missing.

Once you were settled in you resumed work in the family’s tea shop, your family thankful for the extra help. Soon you saved up enough to get yourself a little home on the edge of the village.

It wasn’t a spectacular abode but it reminded you of the Wind estate you stayed at when you trained under Sanemi. A place you like to think of as home.

Speaking of the devil, the arrival of Shinazugawa Sanemi to your village was a spectacle. He sent whispers and murmurs everywhere he went, the town buzzing with excited chatter and imaginative speculations but to you it fills your belly with fluttering butterflies.

You hadn't seen him for months since the final battle, a battle you hadn’t even had the luxury of sharing with him since you were with Shinobu at the time. Had he changed at all? Would you remind him too much of the past? What if he didn’t want to see you? Had you changed?

All those thoughts gripped at your head as you walked home from the store, groceries tucked tightly under each arm. It’s as you approached your home that you stopped dead in your tracks nearly dropping your bags.

There, standing in front of your door, was Sanemi himself.

He was thanking an old man, a regular of yours at the tea shop, on your front porch.

“Thanks for helping me find the place, old timer.”

“It’s no problem, oh there she is now!” The old man waved you over.

“Welcome home! I bought you a visitor!” The man cupped his hand around his mouth shouting excitedly as you approached.

“I see, it's been a long time Shinazugawa!” You smiled at them.

Sanemi looked different, he had even more scars and was missing fingers on one of his hands. Even though he appeared more battle hardened there was a surprising gentleness to his features now. As if there had been a weight lifted from his shoulders.

“It’s good to see you too.” He replied, surprising you with a soft smile.

“You wouldn’t expect it by looking at him, but Shinazugawa is really good with kids.” The old man, who you both realized was still there, teased. “We found him helping out some of the village kids before he asked for you.”

Face reddening, Sanemi ears tinged pink.

“Shinazugawa-san, you’re blushing! Ah I remember my first love…” the old man trailed off, his expression dreamy despite yours and Sanemi’s vehement protests in the background.

“I’ll leave you to youngsters to it then.” He waved you two off as he turned to leave, you quickly pulled Sanemi inside, cheeks equally as flushed as his own.

You invited him in and ushered him towards the back before the old man could say anything more. The two of you soon found yourselves resting on the engawa outside as you served him and yourself tea and ohagi, attempting to awkwardly catch up with one another.

You can tell he’s tired from his eyes as he spoke, and he has every right to be. The battle was hard fought not without great sacrifice even if it was months ago, Sanemi had a lot of recovering to do still.

The two of you sat in silence for what felt like hours admiring the beautiful scenery around you. More than once you caught Sanemi’s gaze lingering on you but he always caught himself and looked away before you could say anything.

“Forgive my intrusion.” He broke the stifling silence first.

“There’s nothing to forgive, I’m glad you came to visit.”

“I really wanted to see you, I even thought about coming to visit your estate but I figured, after everything….” You paused

Maybe you didn’t want to see me.

“You might have needed some space.” There’s a pause before you continue. “Have you been to see him yet?”

“I visit his grave as often as I can,” Sanemi says with mournful eyes that can’t quite meet yours.

“It’s all my fault… Genya….” His voice sounded watery as he trailed off. “I didn’t want anything to happen to him.”

“Please don’t blame yourself. It wasn’t your fault.”

“It feels like it is. Maybe if I hadn't pushed him away…”

He’d still be here.

If only he had taken his place. Sanemi thought as he swallowed thickly trying but failing to hold back tears.

“We’ve all done things we’re not proud of, we all make mistakes, it’s what makes us human.” You said placing a gentle hand on his shoulder.

How was he supposed to be going about doing this?

All he wanted was to come visit you, see how you were doing, not spill his guts out to you in the courtyard. He never meant for this to happen.

“I can see the love you had for him. I know he saw it too, otherwise he wouldn’t have fought so hard to get your approval when you pushed him away. People have different ways of showing affection." You started, Sanemi remained silent, his eyes fixed on you as you spoke.

"Genya might not have chosen the path you wanted for him, but he was with you all the way until the end and that’s what matters."

"He was a dumbass," he muttered, wiping stray tears from the corners of his eyes.

"He was your brother, and he loved you to pieces. He forgave you even when you couldn’t forgive yourself. I think it’s time you started trying to forgive yourself too." You smiled warmly. “You’re not alone in this sensei. I'm right here with you.”

“Drop that sensei crap. We’re both civilians now, we’re equal.”

“Sorry, old habits.”

A thick silence envelopes you two once again, this time a little less awkward than it was before as a hint of sadness lingers in the air.

“Please allow me to accompany you on your next visit, I’d like to see him too.” You said leaning into his side.

“I think I’d like that.”

It was getting late, the sun was starting to set over the mountains surrounding your village. The two of you had retired inside your home where you offered to make him dinner. Sanemi accepted and the two of you ate peacefully while you reminisced.

After clearing and cleaning up a bit you returned to your engawa where you sat in a comfortable silence just enjoying each other’s company.

Refusing to meet your eyes, Sanemi moved to place one of his hands over yours. The gesture has your heart thumping wildly in your chest, his too. “I very much wish… to see you again.” His words came out as though he was struggling to say them.

“I’d like that too…Sanemi.”

His name falling from your lips makes him stop in his tracks, looking up at you instantly.

“Say it again. My name.” He breathed out, he wanted to say more, but he’s too caught up in the fact that you finally called him by his first name.

“Sanemi.” you said tested it out on your tongue once more, pronouncing each syllable

At that he smoothly bridged the gap between you, pressing his lips softly against yours.

You almost forgot how to breathe. Cradling your face, he reaches his right hand around you and pulls you closer, deepening your kiss, relishing in the feeling of you.

It was then that you knew what was missing all those months ago when you returned home. It was him, he was your home and your village just didn’t feel like it had a place for you without him.

You're the first to pull away from the kiss, lungs not at all what they used to be back when you had to constantly use Total Concentration breathing, resting your forehead against his you stare into his lilac eyes with a shy smile.

“Stay with me tonight Nemi,” you murmur, fingers lightly tracing along his cheek as he hums in contentment. “Let me take care of you.”

Sanemi does not answer you, instead settling to pull off his haori while going in for another kiss, this one a bit rougher.

You admit to yourself right then that the name Sanemi rolls off the tongue so much better than Shinazugawa does.

[hoy35]

Leshy seems like he has a statement to make.

This is actually supposed to be a sequel to a piece of comic that I never got to finish... So my take is that during the time where there were still Gods to kill, Shamura would train their younger siblings and would send them on solo or duo missions with controllable danger. (I have several ideas under such premise, still working on them I swear.) However, one time a God would gave in their power to appeal to the shelter of a greater God just to bring the Bishops down. Heket was on the mission to kill the lesser God, unaware of the changing condition, and was almost killed by them (In the boss run, there are scars of unhealing wounds on her shoulder, my take is that she got them from other Gods, not Narinder. The same goes for Kallamar's eye scar) Shamura sensed the danger and forced their way in to rescue their sister and bring the two Gods down.

Still, Heket was guit-ridden and had nightmares. She would really loathe herself if she failed the mission and or even got Shamura killed. Shamura tried to calm her down by letting her listen to their heatbeat.

And my friend requested that Kallamar shall join them in cuddling. I am not ostracizing Narinder I swear! We just totally forgot about him! Sorry!

Siblings' pasta time!

Kallamar: Get your own pasta!

Ok this was inspired by how I kept on getting food resources even without the "money change into food" map buff. And suprisingly, I got cauliflowers, pumpkins, and berries from Silk Cradle; just pumpkins from both Anchordeep and Darkwood; and all four kinds of resources from Anura. It's as if the Bishops would save food for their siblings' visit, awww

I would like to amend that God tears are supposed to come from the great ones, but I drew this one quite early... You could think that Kallamar put the God tear there so as to preserve the pumpkins. (idk why)

Anyway, Heket gets to eat her share of the pumpkins after all! So it's a good ending! (Heket:...)

Narinder, being a good big brother.

Leshy, being a good young God of Chaos.

Cute Bishops round-up.

Narinder, not being a good younger brother.

Kallamar, being a big brother that everyone tortures.

I know I've been stuck to adding real-life zoology to fictional, humanized animals, yet Shamura is holding a bottle of milk. Actually this makes perfect sense because there is a type of spider that produces milk for younglings. So this does not break the rule! Hahahaha.

To showcase, here's a guess of Heket's childhood. Real-life frogs are not quite intelligent. So at the beginning of her godhood, Heket would be limited to the intellectual level of a regular frog follower. But she could do well in harnessing her physical power (strong lil frog arms and legs) to learn combat moves and soon grasped fundamentals of her god power. The one thing she failed at was doing paperworks.

But she worked much, much harder than Kallamar and Narinder combined in learning, and made great progress along her ascension.

Shamura could see her diligence and loves all their siblings equally, the love is just displayed with different tactics. They would also provide words of wisdom to guide them, both with combat moves and mundane paperworks.

And of course, Heket eventually was just as smart as any other siblings.

[piarelei]

Scars

Once again, needed to write something low commitment. Can be seen as a Bullseye sequel. All you need to know is that Jake's dad knows about the Gay Thing, it's Hangster established relationship and that's it.

When he was 14 years old, Jake jumped the fence to follow after his big brothers and scratched his hip badly enough against a nail that he had to get stitches for it. His brothers told this story for every single friend that Jake brought home. Bradley, coming over on false pretense of needing to get away from California during leave, is no exception. 

Jake had hoped that Bradley would fit right in, home turf close enough to a locker room that it would still feel like familiar ground, but he didn’t expect how much. Jake, the ugly (queer) duckling, consequently felt a bit out of touch with his own family. 

“And then,” continued Dave over his siblings’ laughter, “he hid in his emo hoodie the whole way home, like we wouldn’t know he was crying if we couldn’t see it.” 

“Jake? Emo?” Bradley asked, scrunching up his nose. 

Jenny cackled. “Oh yeah! Big emo phase for this one.” 

“Come on, it was barely a few months!” Jake protested. He knew better than to deny it completely. 

“Please,” Sam said, punching Jake in the shoulder. “I spent several summers home from college trying to drown out your music. A few months, my ass!”

“Language,” their father corrected tiredly, watching over the chaos without participating. 

Bradley looked unfortunately delighted by the idea. “Does Javy know?” 

Jake made a face. “Yes, but I have enough blackmail on his ass that it’s never getting out.” 

“Language,” their father tried again, sighing. 

“Well, the emo phase stopped soon after Sophie Rivers joined bible study, didn’t it?” Dave pushed on, tongue in cheek. 

Jake shared a look with his father, who held his gaze with his usual gravitas. 

Jake cleared his throat. “Right, about that…”

“Who wants something?” asked their mother, coming from the kitchen with oven mitts on and something delicious between her hands. 

The clamor of yeses drew the moment away from Jake. He sighed forcefully and reached for a plate of peach cobbler. There would be other times. 

#

His mother, having an uncharacteristically full house, had profusely apologized to Bradley when she had announced that they would have to share Jake’s room. Jake had tried not to combust with maniacal laughter at the news. 

She would get a mattress ready on Jake’s floor, of course. Of course. 

The moment she had been gone, Jake had locked the door and pushed Bradley on his bed, feeling filthy with lust, but unable to stop the wicked desire of having his boyfriend in his childhood bed. It had been a short, but incredible bout of cardio. By the time his brothers had come back carrying a mattress and linens, they were red-cheeked but free of sin. 

At night, curled together despite the heat, Bradley traced the scar on Jake’s hip. 

“You told me you got this bull-riding,” Bradley said, words like a kiss on Jake’s collarbone. 

Jake hummed. “Well. I was following them to a rodeo.”

Bradley laughed. “There’s exaggerating and there’s that.” 

“Well, I couldn’t let you win with all your cool scars stories.”

Bradley snorted. “My scars don’t make me cool. They make me scared of dogs.” 

Jake blindly found Bradley’s head and patted his hair back, soothingly. “We’ll adopt a cat, then. Call him Whiskers.”

“Whisky, for short.” 

“Atta boy.”

Jake was falling asleep when Bradley spoke again. “I’m sorry you weren’t able to come out earlier.” 

Jake fought Morpheus to blink back into the darkness of the room. He sighed. “Well. You could still kiss me at breakfast.” 

Bradley snorted. “Sure, I’ve made bigger sacrifices. If that’s what it takes.” 

“This might kill my mother, actually.” 

Bradley’s arms tightened around Jake. “No reason. She loves you.” 

Jake snuffled Bradley’s hair, breathing in the comforting smell of his shampoo. “You don’t know the kind of stuff they say at church here.” 

“Your dad had no issue.” 

“My dad knows better than to decide things for me. He was never for the whole Navy thing, but he trusts my decisions… My mom, on the other hand, she wants to write the entire story.” 

Bradley caressed his back, his broad palm suffusing comfort. “Sorry.”

Jake remembered with a sudden sense of shame that Bradley still mourned the loss of gus parents. “God, who the fuck am I complaining to. This is stupid, forget it.” 

“No… Sometimes, I think it’s easier to not have any parents. Not often, but… I’ll never know, yeah? I’ll never know so I might as well.”

Jake hummed, shifting impossibly closer. “But you have Mav now, yeah?” 

Bradley smiled in the dark. Jake couldn’t see it but he knew. 

“Mav invented bisexuality. He has no opinion on us dating over than he’s grossed out by his kid having sex.” 

“Gross. Now I’m thinking about Mav having sex.”

“Please, this is nothing compared to my trauma. He gave me the Talk. Twice, when he found me kissing a basketball teammate.” 

“Fuck me, that’s something.” 

“Yeah. Well, it was useful, but it put me off any sort of sex for months.” 

Jake chuckled. “Well, you don’t seem scarred.” 

Bradley’s hands pulled Jake closer for a kiss. “Well, you know. Some things are just too good to resist.”

Hope you liked it, I needed to create something. Show some love with a reblog!

[polarolds]

hiii i js wanna know if you have any ellabs fic recommendations?

hi anon! hoo boy i definitely have a few! here are some favourites that come to mind:

Unbroken by thedreadslayer

nobody is surprised, yall know i'm a slut for this fic as i've drawn fanart for it multiple times (and still have doodles and full ass comic pages that i haven't shared to tumblr).

This is THE ellabs fic in my mind. The character moments, the dialogue, the settings, the atmosphere... the slowburn is SO well-written. it is basically tlou 3 for me because reading it really captures the feeling of playing the actual games 😭😭 still ongoing but so many chapters to enjoy. There are SO many great key moments (don't want to spoil, but i'm looking at you chapters 10, 17, 21 and 26), but even the small, quiet interactions stand out to me. have admittedly re-read it more than once,,, maybe more than twice,,,

two hands digging in each other's wounds by michirukaioh

i believe this was the first ellabs fic i've read!! and it is a classic. Love this one for the progression of the ellabs relationship, but also for dear sweet lev and his interactions with ellie. Love the big reveals towards the end of the story with a new character that is introduced - keeping it vague because of spoilers. And the beach scene near the end is chef's kiss iykyk.

i've admittedly not been keeping up well with the sequel because i've been super busy and wanted to marathon the whole thing at some point, but would recommend checking it out too! both parts are complete :)

The Way Sorrow Tastes by painted__black

really interesting premise where abby and lev show up in Jackson at the start of the story and we see how all the survivors of tlou2 deal with the fallout. the continuation of the use of abby's dreams as a manifestation of her trauma/guilt was also interesting to me. starts pretty dark and gets even darker as we move further in the story, but still very good all the same. sadly idk if the story will be continued :( one can hope

oh, and I drew something for this one too! hehe

tail lights by junewax

another goodie and i loved how Cat (a character only mentioned in tlou2) comes into play in this story. i really like the feel and atmosphere of this story idk how else to describe it - it just captures a certain vibe that i really dug yknow? completed fic.

Both Sides Now by Fuckingvideogames

AU where ellie leaves Jackson after finding out the truth about the FireFlies from Joel and stumbles into Seattle. i LOVE this concept so much and this was such an interesting read. we get some nice early ellabs moments, and also get to see ellie interact with the Salt Lake Crew. sadly another fic which i don't think will be finished, but very much still worth checking out!!

and since this post is getting kind of long, here are links to some other fics i really enjoyed!

iron to the core by houndstoothed

bone chill by houndstoothed

Afterlife by maharetr

Assumptions by inspoburst

hope you find something you like fellow ellabs-enjoying anon! :'D and thanks for the ask <3

[honeycreammilkshake]

If that leak is real Gege may really want a sequel that has Sukuna but NOT yuji lmao, sorry Gege, I LOVE Sukuna but Sukuna without Yuji doesn't sound good, he is a good character but the rest of the cast is.....I still don't get why it was so hard to understand the huge appeal Sukuna/Yuji duo had.

Same with Yuji without Sukuna, standard safe ending with a trio safe ending, sorry I don't like those anymore

100% with you, anon. even if you don't ship sukuita, you can't deny sukuna and yuuji had one of the most fascinating relationships between a protagonist and an antagonist.

they both hate each other so deeply, but everything between them has always been much more personal than when they're fighting others. and sukuna definitely gives yuuji special treatment. he uses kozou almost exclusively for yuuji (and the one time i believe he doesn't, he's still referring to megumi as the "other" brat) to the point where it's almost like a pet name.

and what is so interesting about this is that sukuna so dismissively calls megumi "brat," in a way that i feel is trying to disassociate yuuji from the word.

there's a reason why i think of this as the sukuita divorce era and that is mostly because of how sukuna keeps claiming to not need yuuji any more, always trying to sideline yuuji in favor of others, but he also can't seem to stop obsessing over yuuji and making everything about the guy he supposedly finds boring and worthless. sukuna goes out of his way to praise/compliment others during their fights, so that everyone but yuuji (who he only ever admires in his private thoughts) seems to get some kind of in-depth commentary on their abilities, while sukuna merely insults yuuji (rather weakly, too). it's even funnier when sukuna unironically can't stop making everything about the brat even when yuuji isn't there, because when sukuna's fighting maki he still manages to frame his admiration of her skill in a way that insults yuuji, despite the fact the boy isn't even there so why does it have any relevance at all??

not only that, but sukuna loves to torment yuuji, dragging his cruel taunting out in a way he doesn't do with others. he deliberately changes back to let yuuji see the devastation of shibuya, because sukuna understands how much the needless death of strangers and innocents impacts yuuji.

and he also makes a big deal of how little he thinks of yuuji, how unthreatening and boring the brat supposedly is to him shortly after possessing megumi's body.

what's really interesting here is how, despite a chance to kill yuuji, sukuna still doesn't. in fact, he's had multiple chances to get rid of yuuji but still he keeps the brat around. maybe he finds yuuji a more worthwhile opponent after all. maybe he even wants yuuji to remain alive till the end of it all, if only to see the brat suffer through the breaking of all his ideals.

there's also the matter of how sukuna can't keep his hands off of yuuji, almost as if he misses the closeness he had when yuuji was his vessel. it's far more intimate and physical than it needs to be.

this panel in particular really showcases sukuna's overall feelings toward yuuji. he's cradling the back of yuuji's neck, almost tenderly, as he pounds his fists relentlessly on the side of yuuji's head.

yuuji drives sukuna to such violent reactions because sukuna's on the defensive with him. they both get under each other's skin and ignite a hate far more consuming than others bring out in them.

and the way yuuji also fights sukuna is so unnecessarily up-close and physical as well.

the raw emotion of yuuji beating into sukuna, his crazy side really showing in how rough and unmerciful he is right now.

sukuna draws out the worst in yuuji just as much as sukuna arguably drew out the best in him, too. if it wasn't for swallowing that cursed finger and becoming the vessel of the king of curses, yuuji wouldn't have started down this path of working so hard to save other people's lives. as he himself said, he'd never before considered putting his own strength and talents to use helping others, and never before had he considered he might be the only person capable of doing so, but seeing how sukuna caused so much devastation and death drove yuuji into becoming a fighting force for good.

and just like sukuna brings out so many overwhelmingly strong feelings in yuuji, the boy does the same to him as well. sukuna is at turns extremely aggravated and enraged because of yuuji, and surprisingly pleased because of him as well.

sukuna can keep talking big about how uninteresting and inferior yuuji is yet the moment yuuji comes into view, sukuna is all psyched up for their fight....

he even looks excited and pleased to fight with yuuji again even though he claims to have no interest in the brat .... not fooling anyone sukuna ( -. -)

sukuna also can't seem to stand yuuji looking down on him with "pity" which sparks a much more violent reaction than he had with other people when they suggested sukuna was lonely and unfulfilled with his life, or even tried to "force" sukuna into thinking like them.

i think my biggest disappointment with this series overall is how gege chose to focus so much less on these two and their dynamic. i hated it when yuuji kept getting relegated to the sides over and over, and i also didn't like it when sukuna kept having rather pointless fights with everyone but yuuji.

the fact that yuuji suddenly wanted to offer sukuna mercy and even connect with him despite hating and despising his very being before was also such an unexpected twist that i would have loved gege to expand on and give a little more context and feeling behind.

i think, with a relationship as fascinating and complex as theirs, focusing more on it would have only made jjk even greater. but sadly, gege chose not to do that. and i feel like that why a lot of the recent chapters have been rather disappointing.

thank you so much for your ask, anon! sorry for the rant i came back with.

[probably-writing-x]

Festival Buzz

Summary:

Warnings: I don’t believe there’s any???

Author’s Note: Hope you enjoy <33333 Thank you for your request !!

———

“I’m so sure this makeup is going to look terrible by the end of the day,” You laugh to Madison as the two of you finish getting ready in the mirror.

“Girl, don’t worry,” She squeezes your arm, “We’ll be in it together.”

You were wearing a bikini top and long flared trousers covered in tassels - the kind of outfit you’d decided on after a quick coachella outfits pinterest search. It was your first time going to Coachella after Madison had been set on you coming with her. You’d spent the morning getting ready in her hotel room and then you’d be going to the festival with Mariyah and Drew, meeting the rest of the cast there. You and Drew had been dating for the past four months but had kept it private since. You were always seen out in a group with the rest or not seen at all, so without the public displays of affection it was easy to just make things look like you were just friends. It was easier this way - no worry for the public eye watching you. You could just be together and be private and be happy with that.

“Are you ready to go baby?” Drew pokes his head around the frame of the bathroom door, “Shit, you look beautiful.”

You blush underneath your makeup, “Thanks handsome.”

He comes over to you and wraps his arms around you from behind, perching his head on your shoulders so that he can look at the two of you in the mirror. He’s wearing a t-shirt and a baggy pair of Carhartt trousers with a bandana tied around his neck.

“Ready to go out and pretend to not be a couple?” You joke, placing your hands over his around your waist.

“Oh I can’t wait,” He smirks, pressing a kiss to the side of your neck, “I’m getting really good at it.”

You hum and squeeze his hands, “Alright, let’s go Starkey.”

~~~

To say the festival was overwhelming would be an understatement. Everywhere you looked there was something new going on, someone new to see. You’ve met up with the rest of the cast now and it felt like a relief to be in a bubble of people that you knew so well. Drew was stood on the other side of the circle to you - with so many people around it felt like a better idea to avoid being seen constantly so close together. It might seem silly but you’d learnt to remember the little things that people could pick up on about your relationship.

“Okay I’m just saying there’s no way I’m missing Rosalia,” You shrug your shoulders, sipping down more of the drink in your hand.

“Are you kidding? That’s like the only reason you’re here isn’t it?” Austin laughs, running a hand over the sweat on his brow.

You frown a little over the top of your cup, “Obviously.”

It was burning hot here and you were sure it was making the alcohol go to your head much quicker, you could feel the buzz already and the day had barely even started.

“As long as we see Frank Ocean I’m happy,” Drew comments, looking over at you from the other side of the group, “I’ve said this a thousand times.”

You roll your eyes, “Of course we’re seeing Frank Ocean.”

Before you say anything more, you’re tapped on the shoulder and turn around to see a couple of girls coming over to you. You’re pretty sure they’re influencers of some kind but couldn’t exactly place them. Then again, wasn’t everyone here an influencer?

“Hi, (Y/N), we’re so sorry to interrupt but we just loved your new film, would it be okay for us to get a photo?” One of them smiles.

“Of course we can!” You grin, “Thanks for coming over!”

They speak to you a little about your new film and how they were so excited that the sequel had been announced.

“We literally started watching Outer Banks because you joined the cast,” One of them smiles, snapping a photo of the two of you.

“Well, I’m glad I could help,” You giggle, “You’re so sweet girls, thank you.”

“Oh, and also, you and Drew would be so cute together!” The other one squeals, before they both say their goodbyes and head off back into the mingling crowd.

You turn around back to your friends and rejoin the conversation.

“What did they say to you? I saw them looking at me,” Drew narrows his eyes in mock suspicion.

“Apparently we’d be cute together.”

“Really?” He raises his eyebrows, his face giving him the expression of pondering for a moment, “I don’t see it.”

“Me neither.”

~~~

It’s a good few hours later and… well, drinks just seem to go down easier at festivals don’t they? You hadn’t thought about it much but as the sun was starting to set and you were watching one of the later sets before curfew, you were starting to feel the buzz even more. Drew was too, and you could tell as he came over to you.

“Have I told you how beautiful you look today?” He mumbles, dipping his head to rest on your shoulder.

“I think you might’ve mentioned it but a refresh couldn’t hurt,” You smirk, leaning your head into his.

Drew smiles lazily and turns his face towards you, kissing your neck longingly, “You’re beautiful.”

You hum, slightly ticklish against the touch, “Thank you handsome.”

With that, he puts a hand in your back pocket and turns you around to face him, his one hand catching your waist as his other still holds his cup of drink.

“Hi,” He grins, his eyes slightly glazed, just slightly.

“Hi,” You smile up at him as you put one hand on his shoulder, your opposite hand holding out your drink like his.

“I love this song,” He mumbles, not tearing his eyes away from you.

His hand guides your waist to sway with him, both of you moving in the same direction to the beat of the music. Drew mumbles along to the lyrics, his eyes brightening as he watches you dance with him. You don’t pay attention to everybody around you, or the hundreds of cameras all held up to the stage that could catch you. In this moment, the festival existed only for the two of you. His hand on your waist and yours up on his shoulder, your drinks threatening to spill over the lips of the cups. His head moves impossibly closer to you, singing along to the song as you do too.

With the start of the chorus, his hand finds yours on his shoulder and he holds it out to spin you, the tassels of your trousers twirling around as he pulls you back into him, hand back to your waist like a magnet.

And you’re sure the crowd has disappeared. It was him. It was you. It was dust kicking up and screaming choruses, it was kisses just inches away from happening and hands finding perfect place on bodies made for each other. It was everything.

The next song is slower and Drew turns you around to stand in front of him, his arms sliding underneath both of yours to wrap around you, drink still in one hand that he taps against yours in a cheers before taking another swig.

Drew sings the lyrics quietly as if meant for just your ears, swaying you back and forth as you lean your head back into his chest, breathing in the homely scent of him. You catch a glance of Austin and Madelyn stood next to you and they both clutch hands to their hearts jokingly as if you’re the perfect rom com couple.

“You two make me sick,” Austin nudges Drew’s arm and your boyfriend turns around to hit him back.

“Then be sick over Madelyn, not us,” Drew jokes, shooting a grin at his on-screen sister.

You lean back into him further, if even possible, and he tightens his hold around you, his chin perched on top of your head. You make mental note of the song - sure, in those minutes, that the conversation would come up in years to come and you’d suggest this exact song for your wedding. He’d hold you that night like he was doing now - like there was nobody else around.

~~~

You’re leaving the festival after curfew hits, thankful to be able to get away from the crowds as you follow the rest of the cast through VIP to get towards your waiting cars back to the hotel.

By now it’s late and there’s a chill running through the air. You’re walking with the group as Drew gets caught up talking to an old friend.

“He’ll catch up,” Austin rolls his eyes as the rest of you make your way out of the festival.

“I’m coming I’m coming I’m coming,” You hear from behind you, getting closer and closer as Drew’s feet pound on the dust, eventually catching up to you.

He wraps his arms around your waist and lifts you up, forcing you to squeal as your legs flail in front of you.

“Drew!” You exclaim, gripping onto him as he throws you over his shoulder, your face almost colliding with his back, “You’re going to drop me!”

“I’m not gonna drop ‘ya,” He laughs, gripping you tighter, “Just saving myself from you moaning about your feet hurting.”

You hit him jokingly and relax a little in his hold, waving as Madelyn gets out her phone to film the two of you. It’s then that you realise how many other cameras must be dotted around the crowds, paparazzi that would likely be posting about you and Drew in less than twelve hours. But you didn’t care. His arms were around you and you could feel yourself growing tired from the day, and it no longer mattered if people knew or not - this wasn’t changing.

[airplanned]

By popular demand:

Don't get me wrong, I'm really enjoying Tears of the Kingdom.  Parts of it are fun in ways that I never felt during Breath of the Wild.  And I really like the story itself, just not the execution of that story.  And actually the storytelling is fine, but Breath of the Wild did some narrative things that I have been praising for years, so to have less than stellar storytelling in the sequel feels jarring.

I have three points.

Point 1: Amnesia and the Time Skip

In Breath of the Wild, Link begins the game with amnesia.  Therefore, even though this is the country that Link grew up in and has explored, it's still understandable that he has no idea what kind of environment is going to be around the corner.  You the player are able to discover the world along with Link. 

Meanwhile there is also a 100 year time skip, which means most of the characters you meet have never met you before.  (The characters you did meet in the past completely understand that you've been gone a while and have amnesia.) You start knowing no one and are able to build relationships from the beginning.

Tears of the Kingdom has something like a five to six year time skip.  But instead of being in a comma during that time, Link was apparently up and about, helping to rebuild Hyrule.  Link ought to know significant portions of what's going on, but the player does not.  So we have our first disconnect between game play and story.  It's hard to tell what's a new development since the upheaval and what has been an ongoing process that Link ought to know about.

This is muddled even further because Nintendo wants the game to be accessible to people who haven't played Breath of the Wild.  They made the decision that instead of having all the NPCs greet you like an old friend (which all of the Zora do, so this is a thing that is possible), most NPCs will greet you as if you've never met before.  So what am I the player supposed to know?  What is Link supposed to know?  It's unclear.

And as funny as it is to think that Link is like Tony Hawk and no one recognizes the Hero, or that Zelda drew so much attention that no one noticed Link standing behind her, it's strange to me because Link made friends with these people not as the Hero, but on a personal level.  Link introduced couples.  Link attended a wedding.  Link helped a guy move out of his mom's house and start his own business.  Link helped couples in rough times.  These people should greet you with a, "Hey, Link!" even if they don't know that you're over a hundred years old and defeated the Calamity.

The theme of botw was isolation, so it made sense that Link started the game alone.  The theme of Tears of the Kingdom is working together.  So there's a disconnect, because instead of starting the game with a boatload of allies, Link begins the game having apparently lost a lot of the friends he made in the first game.  Once again, he's isolated, which is not what the game play and the co-op fighting is implying.

Point 2: The Stated Objective

The story in botw was straight forward.  At the very beginning of the game, Rhoam’s ghost tells you how that story ends: Zelda is using her powers to hold back the Calamity.  Rhoam also gives you the game's objective: Defeat the Calamity.  The memories that you collect fill in the story of Zelda’s struggles to activate her powers and her changing, growing relationship with Link.  They deepen your understanding of where Link come from and what happened, but none of it is plot essential and none of it affects your objective.  There’s no shocking twist.  There’s nothing that would change the way you play the game (other than maybe not picking the silent princesses).

TotK on the other hand at the very beginning presents you with the objective: Find Zelda and solve the mystery of what happened to her.  Learning what happened is not presented as some deepening of understanding, but as the point of the game.  You don’t get the objective to defeat Ganondorf until much later on.

There are several story threads working at the same time, all of which lead you to where Zelda is. The hyroglyphs tell you what happened and where she is.  One of the sage quests tells you what happened and strongly hints where she is.  The Deku Tree strongly suggests what happened and where she is.  You know where she is.  You know what happened. 

And you cannot tell any of your allies.

There are other characters who are “helping” to solve this mystery.  With the theme of working with other people, it would make sense that I would share my breakthrough findings with them and we would work together towards the next step.  I’m thinking specifically if Purah (who explicitly tells you to search for Zelda by doing X even after you know where she is and that that while it would be nice to get another sage, it won’t solve the "find Zelda" problem) and Paya (who won’t let me into the floating ring even though she’s clearly working with bad information), and to a lesser extent the sages (Looking pointedly at Yunobo, who has apparently usurped my himbo throne???). 

Even if you've done all three of these quests, the game play treats you as if you don’t have this information.  It’s frustrating in a game that advertises itself as open play where you can do anything in any order.  It’s another disconnect when achieving what is expressly stated as the goal of the game is not acknowledged within the game.

Part 3: Lack of if-else statements

Honestly, this is the thing that pushed me over the edge into writing this. 

I went and helped the monster squad with a mission.  We killed some monsters.  It was a great time.  Side adventure achieved!

At the end, the team leader pulled me aside and said that he noticed that I didn't have my legendary sword.  In fact, my equipment looked less than legendary.  Har har.

...My good sir, not only do I have the Master Sword, but I am holding it in my hand, and I used it to defeat the monsters we just fought.  Maybe you don’t recognize it because I have fused a dragon part to it.

Why is there no if-else statement coded into this event to prevent this from happening?  There were if-else statements in the dialogue in botw when people talked about the sword.  They responded differently if I had it. Elsewhere in totk, there are elaborate conditionals about the weather.  Having the Master Sword is kind of a major plot point.  But the game is uninterested in if I have done the plot, even while directly addressing that plot point.

Again, it's fine.  Just disappointing after botw worked so well.

[frankensteins-mt-dew]

Little things I loved in Haunted Mansion (2023)

I just saw Haunted Mansion for a second time, and yall,it's good. The way they were able to blend the horror with the goofy and make it feel like the ride. amazing.

(Spoilers under the cut) here's all the little things I loved about the movie

1- this ones probably not anything but a coincidence but when Ben and Alyssa first meet the streamers are placed between them. I grew up Mormon (its complicated now) and whenever we drew the veil between life and death it was always a bunch of squiggly lines, like the streamers. Idk if that's like a thing in other religions too but I just thought it was interesting.

2- Gabby straight up saying "Nah. We're out." The second she noticed the spooky shit. Its an accurate and appropriate response that's not really used in this genre.

3- on that note I love the idea that they were basically forced to come back/stay. It advances the narrative and keeps them at the setting but it's not a bottle episode. Or movie.

4- Forced 👏 proximity 👏found👏family. They're all in the same room like 90% of the time no matter where they're at. And when they split the party for too long shit goes down.

5- Ben talking about his wife and his grief. The whole scene with him telling his friends about her and how she died, and Bruce almost immediately making a probably not appropriate joke that just made everyone laugh. It felt so real, like a real conversation. And the ghost winks. I have definently had those in my life but never had a name for it

6- Also the way they talk about grief?! Howthey show different characters dealing with it. How no matter who it is its like "you're hurting.it's ok. Let's get through it together" amazing.

7- The entire cast brought their A game in this movie. They knew what kind of movie this was and totally went with it

8- They ride references were amazing. The stretching room. the doom buggy chair. The forever hallway. Constance Hatchaway. Gracey. THE HAT BOX GHOST. Crump being the last name of one of the imagineers and his manor looking like the ride in wdw.

9- The music was so good! The jazz influence. SUPERSTITION. Grim Grinning Ghosts being prominent but not overwhelming. I wish the ending song was longer though.

10- the way they showed the passage of time with the moon phases and different outifts

11- Gabby and Ben's relationship remaining undefined. Imo this was not the time for them to get together, at least not immediately, what with (gestures broadly to everything) going on. The flowers he gives her at the end could be a romantic gesture or one of friendship and gratitude. I like that whatever ishappening between them is taking its time, because its something they both need.

I know there's something I'm forgetting but I cant think of it now so if I remember it I'll add it later. I hope more people go to see it I would love to see a sequel. Maybe they explore phantom manor or mystic manor (actually I dont remember if that one actually has any ties to the other mansions/manors)

[hanamukes]

[Translation] Kanon Takao and Rico Sasaki's Animate Times interview (April 2024)

Animate Times put out a series of three interviews, conducted with Kanon Takao (actress of Sakiko/Oblivionis) and Rico Sasaki (actress of Uika/Doloris). In them, they talk in great depth about their characters, their love for the band members, Ave Mujica's concerts, aspirations they have for the band, the upcoming anime, and more!

For ease of reading, I have compiled all three interviews into one post, as they were only published days apart from each other.

If you're interested in Ave Mujica, be sure to check out the directory I compiled of all of their content, including more interviews like this!

Total word count: 6600

Ave Mujica is noble, beautiful and bewitching. They put on shows that resemble musicals, both mysterious and gothic. On January 27th, 2024, they held their 1st LIVE Perdere Omnia, which was a roaring success.

Ave Mujica is a new band under the BanG Dream! project, debuting on April 10th, 2023.  Through a series of images and social media posts, they had their users solve riddles, and drew attention with the way they bend one’s sense of reality and delusion. They debuted as a band in the finale of the anime BanG Dream! It’s MyGO!!!!!. Next January, they’ll be getting a sequel anime focused on them in the spotlight, BanG Dream! Ave Mujica.

We interviewed Rico Sasaki (guitar/vocals, as Doloris/Uika Misumi) and Kanon Takao (keyboard, as Oblivionis/Sakiko Togawa). Over the span of three parts, we had them discuss their path with the band.

…Welcome to the world of Ave Mujica.

Translated by Seine (@hanamukes)

To think she’d call him a trash father

――Takao-san, your character Oblivionis/Sakiko Togawa is a key character in Ave Mujica, as well as in the anime BanG Dream! It’s MyGO!!!!!.

 Takao:  Sakiko is the girl who put all the stories into motion. Even CRYCHIC was a band Sakiko started, but something happened and she dropped it. Then she brought about the formation of Ave Mujica. She’s always the one who gets all the gears turning, so she truly is the type of character who puts the story into action.

――She both puts things into motion as well as drives all those around her mad, wouldn’t you say?

 Takao:  Bring about the destruction of the beginning, bring about the destruction of the beginning… Her heart is under a lot of distress, and the sequel anime will shed light on this. It goes over how she felt during various moments, so I hope everyone’s looking forward to it. I really want everyone to see it!

 Sasaki:  Same here. I want to talk about it so badly!

――I’m dying to know myself, but I’ll just look forward to the day it gets revealed (laughs). Do you mind if I inquire about how you two approach tackling your characters?

 Takao:  For me, I’d never voiced a character like this before in an anime. At the start, Sakiko is a pure, kind, warm, proper girl, but midway through something happens and a shadow is cast over her. She starts saying harsh things to those around her and even I was taken back by it.

I did my acting as the “light” Sakiko pretty straightforwardly, but “dark” Sakiko is strong-forced, fragile, angry and sorrowful. I tried to capture her with the nuance of her wearing a mask, which conceals the truth of her heart, and all the little nuances that come with the gap between her outward appearance and how she feels deep down.

――Did you know about Sakiko’s change when you auditioned for her?

 Takao:  No. Rather, I didn’t know she was supposed to be a bright girl at the start. What I saw when I was first shown her character was the Sakiko we know today. When I started recording, I thought, “She really used to be so pure, huh?”

――You didn’t know about the “I’m home… you trash father.” scene either?

Takao:  Sure didn’t (laughs). I really knew nothing at the start. I was as shocked as everyone else about that line. When I first received the script, I looked at that line and wondered “Whose line is this?” and when I saw “Sakiko” written beside it, I went “She says this?!”

――Sasaki-san, could you talk a bit about Uika Misumi?

 Sasaki:  Uika Misumi is a girl still shrouded in mystery. I find her complex, but I also share a lot in common with her, such as my love of the stars and music. In BanG Dream! It’s MyGO!!!!!, she tells Tomori “You can convey a lot in singing. You can even convey the things you can’t put into words,” and it resonated with me a lot too. She holds memories of her friend Saki-chan close to her heart, and being able to interact with her saves her in a way. She’s also busy with her idol work and being a student, so she’s a hard worker. However, she has a lot of dark sides to her too, and I just want the sequel anime to air already.

I think Uika and Tomori can connect their hearts a lot as two vocalists. Though Tomori-chan approaches it with the idea that “I can’t become human unless I sing”. With Uika, she portrays this sense of “when she sings, the monster known as Doloris emerges”. There’s still a lot we don’t know about her, so I hope everyone will wrap their heads around the mystery that is Uika until the anime airs. When rewatching the anime, you can look at her expressions and make your own assumptions about her and such. The sequel hasn’t aired yet, but their story is being told in our concerts, so make sure to watch those and let your imagination go wild.

――So you’ve been coming up with your own theories about her too?

 Sasaki:  Correct. I wonder just when we’ll get more about her backstory…

 All:  (laughs)

 Sasaki:  You just can’t help but want to know more about things you’re kept in the dark about. Whenever I go in to record, I’d ask the director about that regarding her, and every time I’d get told “I can’t tell you yet, sorry!” (laughs)

 Takao:  Right! They won’t tell me anything either!

 Sasaki:  We’re always shocked whenever we read the new scripts.

 Takao:  They just don’t know how to tell us.

 Sasaki:  I’ve never seen an anime quite play out like this before. Please look forward to it.

Sasaki-san’s notebook, which she updates daily

――You held your 0th Live, Primo die in scaena on June 4th, 2023. You performed on stage with masks and robes on, shrouded in mystery. How did you feel during that time?

 Sasaki:  We couldn’t talk about anything so it was a weird feeling. But we could feel the enthusiasm from the audience, so I was happy about that. Our “voltage” gradually rose, and we talked amongst ourselves about what we wanted to convey on stage, and what kind of band we wanted to make this. We talked about all sorts of things about our future, and that got our spirits up a lot.

 Takao:  Ave Mujica started out hidden behind masks and riddled with mystery, which was unseen before in the Bandori project. I was worried about whether the fans would accept us. But Ave Mujica is a band where we put trust in each other’s skills and efforts, and from the get-go we’ve felt confident that with the five of us together, everything would turn out alright.

 Sasaki:  Our bond has grown so strong, it’s out the roof! (laughs)

 Takao:  I’m almost scared to know the full depths of how much we could love each other!

 Sasaki:  We have so much trust in each other, this band fills me with the feelings of “I love having people who uplift me around,” and “being in a band is so much fun!”

――When did you start feeling such a closeness?

 Takao:  (looks at Sasaki) When did we?

 Sasaki:  I almost want to say from the very start (laughs).

 Takao:  It really did just happen without us realizing it. Though Ricochi joined us a little later.

 Sasaki:  I was nervous at first if I’d be welcomed in, since the four of them were already really close by then. It was the first time I’d ever properly been in a band, so I did some looking into everyone before I joined.

 Takao:  She has all of our profiles jotted down in a notebook.

――That’s amazing!

 Sasaki:  I do. I was just so excited to meet everyone.

 Takao:  It didn’t take long for us to think “Ricochi fits in absolutely perfectly!” Whenever she sings Kamisama, Baka (T/N: God’s a Fool), I just think “Oh God is anything BUT a fool for the blessing that is Ricochi being our vocalist!”

 Sasaki:  I’m so glad to hear that!

――What kinds of things do you have written down about everyone?

 Sasaki:  Let me start with Kanon Takao (laughs).

 Takao:  That’s embarrassing! (laughs)

 Sasaki:  I have her likes, dislikes, personal history…

――You’ve got a whole analysis on her!

 Sasaki:  All five of us are good friends even in private and we hang out together a lot. I always write down the new things I learn about them from those interactions.

――So you update it in real time?

 Sasaki:  I do. For instance, Akanen (Akane Yonezawa, who voices Amoris/Nyamu Yuutenji) told us she grew a little bit, so I jotted that down. I’ve already filled half the pages in the book. Whenever we do stuff as Ave Mujica, whether for recordings or concerts, I have the book glued to my person.

 Takao:  Whenever we go out to eat together, we’ll talk about things we want to do together and songs we want to sing, and she’ll always immediately jot it down in her book.

 Sasaki:  I even have our song lyrics all written down in it. I use it for everything.

――You’re like Ave Mujica’s secretary.

 Sasaki:  While staring at our song lyrics in it, I’ll jot down notes of how I want to move around during the instrumental breaks, and we’ll try them out in our rehearsals.

 Takao:  We all gather around her notebook.

――Your notebook is like a compass for the band. Is that correct?

 Takao:  It really is. We all hold a lot of love.

 Sasaki:  Nontan bought all five of us matching sweaters, and I bought us all matching rings.

――Is it the ring you’re wearing today?

 Sasaki:  Yes! It’s in the shape of a treble clef, and I thought they felt very Ave Mujica-like.

 Takao:  I should have worn mine, too!

 Sasaki:  I’m just happy knowing everyone else owns one too.

 Takao:  She gave us the matching rings when she joined the band. That got me thinking “it’s fun to have us all wear the same things!” so I’m always looking for things with moons on them to buy for us all.

 Sasaki:  I get you (laughs). I made my phone case Ave Mujica-like too. I just end up gravitating towards these things. Actually, with the rings I wasn’t sure if I should actually hand them out to everyone, but my manager talked me into it.

 Takao:  Is that so? (laughs)

 Sasaki:  I thought “but isn’t that kinda pushy of me?” (laughs) But everyone seemed to love them and they all put them on, so that made me happy.

 Takao:  When I got it, I thought “she’s such a nice person,” and it made me fall in love with you on the spot.

 Sasaki:  I’m so glad you all liked them!

The band itself is dark, but the members themselves are bright as can be

――You all hold a lot of love for each other, don’t you?

 Sasaki:  We really do. Nontan’s always making videos of us together.

 Takao:  I pull up pictures we all took together and compile them and make edits. Then I send them to everyone on our birthdays, or before our concerts in order to cheer them on.

 Sasaki:  The quality is so high, I almost wish she’d share them in public. They’re our Mujica Movies, full of love for everyone.

 Takao:  Also, the other day I visited a Shinto shrine and wrote a prayer on one of the wooden tablets. I wrote, “I hope that Ave Mujica will forever be friendly, full of life, and maturity.”

 Sasaki:  The worldview we portray is dark, but us cast members are very warm.

 Takao:  Everyone is so very kind.

――You seem blessed with such kind members.

 Takao:  It really feels like a miracle!

 Sasaki:  I couldn’t imagine us with even one of us not here. I’m so proud of us.

The movements are as important as the music itself

――In what ways did you prepare for your 0th live, Primo die in Scaena?

 Takao:  I remember us gathering around Ricochi’s notebook together.

――The same notebook you discussed in the previous part, yes?

 Sasaki:  We put a lot of thought into the concert while we all went out to lunch together. Though at the time, we were still wearing robes, and we really needed to convey the worldview of the band in quite an intense way. We took our rehearsals as seriously as the actual concert, and I remember us borrowing all sorts of advice from the staff.

I’m still quite nervous and anxious even now, but during 0th, it took everything for me to be able to act. When I looked back at our footage, I thought “I wish I’d done more to engage with the other bandmates, and been a bit more confusing”. When we performed as the opening act for Roselia’s concert and of course during our 1st live, I put in a lot more movements to convey the world we’re creating better.

 Takao:  It’s true that during 0th, we were all quite focused on our own instruments. I think that also portrays our worldview in its own way, but still, we talked after about how we wanted to focus less on just the music and more on the movements as well. Whenever our concerts end, we think “let’s become even better performers”. We’re always growing more after each concert.

 Sasaki:  We really want to make Ave Mujica an even bigger band.

【公式ライブ映像】Ave Mujica「Mas?uerade Rhapsody Re?uest」（Ave Mujica 0th LIVE「Primo die in scaena」より）

――So you band members enjoy Ave Mujica as much as the fans do.

 Takao:  I think even in a world where I wasn’t in Ave Mujica, I would still become a massive fan. I like to enjoy Ave Mujica both in the perspective as a band member as well as a fan myself.

――It’s hard to picture Ave Mujica without you.

 Sasaki:  Exactly! I’d want you here no matter what.

 Takao:  I’m not going anywhere now that I’m here! I promise! (laughs)

――I see though. That really goes to show how appealing Ave Mujica and its world are.

 Takao:  Yes. I love it so much!

A world that is one of a kind. A band with no limitations to it

――In regards to Ave Mujica’s world, it really is quite unique within the setting of Bandori.

 Sasaki:  It truly is unique. It’s one of a kind, really. It’s almost like rather than showing everyone how it develops, it’s showing an already completed world to the audience.

 Takao:  There’s always this pressure of “we need to keep the audience’s expectations high”.

 Sasaki:  That’s true. Whenever we perform live, it’s like the world is being completed.

――In the previous part of the interview, you claimed you weren’t sure if Bandori’s fans would accept Ave Mujica because of how different it is. We interviewed MyGO!!!!!’s Rin Tateishi and Coco Hayashi and they expressed the same sentiments of feeling nervous.

 Sasaki:  We really all were worried sick about this.

 Takao:  MyGO!!!!! also started holding concerts without showing their faces on stage, as we did.

――In a sense, MyGO!!!!! and Ave Mujica really do contrast each other. What are your thoughts regarding this?

 Sasaki:  While watching the anime, you can really see how MyGO!!!!! also goes through a lot of struggles of their own. But even within that, you can see some sort of sparkling image from them. It’s almost like how after it rains, puddles on the asphalt will sparkle and shine.

To contrast that, Ave Mujica is like a black hole. It’s as if there’s some sort of shining light within a black void. Musically, we have the impact of being uniquely theatrical and suspenseful.

――You’re very gothic and metallic.

 Sasaki:  This band was the first time I tried playing heavy metal. I never realized how much fun it was! You pour your soul into it, and there’s a lot of specific technique involved but it’s not necessarily “uniform”. It’s quite unconventional, and there’s some pretty absurd techniques involved in each and every person’s part. We’re all trying our absolute hardest with it, and now that we’ve actually made this world, we want to continue to polish and refine it.

 Takao:  MyGO!!!!!’s story is one of youthful experiences. When you think about everyone’s skill levels in it, in a good way I think it accurately represents humans and their weaknesses. Sakiko has bonds with CRYCHIC of course, with Tomori’s songs as well as her bonds with Taki and Soyo, and she looks at MyGO!!!!! fervently.

On the other hand, Ave Mujica is unrealistic, and it tells the story of an experience that you’re not intended to have ever experienced before. It’s like looking at a work of art, and also in a good way I think it’s a band that does not accurately represent humans and their weaknesses. The overwhelming world Ave Mujica presents is its strength. Ave Mujica doesn’t hold your typical concerts, they incorporate stage plays into it. The setting is reliant on it being like a drama, and I think it’s a band you can enjoy both visually and audibly.

 Sasaki:  The setlist for our 1st live was based around the story parts, so during rehearsals we would all discuss in depth where to put what songs in the order and tried all sorts of ideas out. Ave Mujica’s songs all have their unique quirks to them, so it makes it hard to come up with the perfect setlist. We talked with the producer and came up with ideas on how to play the songs while coming up with the right facial expressions and movements to match.

For instance, even if I smiled during a specific song in previous performances, if the setlist for this concert had me follow that song up with a darker one, I tried to be more on the cooler side in anticipation of that. While it’s not easy by any means, I love how much depth there is to the musical expression for this band.

 Takao:  The sky is really the limit for us.

 Sasaki:  It’s really fun making our own world completely unrestricted. There’s times where we come up with crazy requests for the staff and it causes all sorts of mayhem and trialing, but I find even that to be such a joy.

 Takao:  I love how it feels like we’re coming up with this ourselves. Afterwards, I’ll see all sorts of theories in our Twitter tags being made about us, like “Oh, so did this mean that I wonder?” and I’ll always go “Yes!” (laughs)

Like with the drama parts for our 1st live, our lines were pre-recorded and we just moved our bodies without opening our mouths to lip sync or anything. That was something we came up with while discussing with our producer; that because we’re supposed to be dolls, we wouldn’t move our mouths to express ourselves. There were fans who caught onto that, and I was so excited I sent stuff about it in Ave Mujica’s LINE group chat (laughs).

 Sasaki:  She’s always sharing stuff she finds like that.

 Takao:  I send things like, “Look! Everyone caught on to how we meant to portray this!”

 Sasaki:  When people first experience our concerts, they wonder “what is this band trying to portray?” but then they pick up on what’s going on and they enjoy both the play parts and the song parts. In a way, it feels like our audience is helping make the world with us.

――It’s like the audience is another part of Ave Mujica.

 Sasaki:  Yes. They’re our witnesses and accomplices after all.

From the 0th live to the 1st one

――What kinds of things do you consider when performing as Ave Mujica?

 Takao:  With Sakiko, I think hard about what motions she would make and such. She grew up as a proper lady, so I try to make her still feel elegant when performing. I also try to really portray that she is the founder of Ave Mujica in my performances of her, so I’ve been rehearsing that plenty.

 Sasaki:  When I perform, I try to convey that I’m Doloris, and no longer “Uika Misumi”. I try to keep in mind that Uika is being possessed.

 Takao:  In the anime Sakiko makes a lot of fierce expressions, but when she’s on stage, she smiles a lot. I was surprised at first when I realized that. So I try to have Oblivionis have a bewitching aura to her. I really try to make it seem like she’s enjoying herself on stage, and I keep that in mind with my movements and gestures for her.

――Is it like you’re also being possessed by your role, Takao-san?

 Takao:  I like to look back on the anime before performing, because if I can’t get into portraying Sakiko or Oblivionis properly, I won’t enjoy it myself. So I guess I would say I’m possessed by my role. Ricochi, what about you?

 Sasaki:  (Doing an Oblivionis impression) Down to my fingertips.

 All:  (laughs)

 Takao:  She’s always doing impressions of her (laughs).

 Sasaki:  I think Nontan’s really impressive for how much subtle nuance she puts into portraying her character. During 0th live, all I had in mind was “I just need to move”.  When looking back at the footage, I thought “I really didn’t represent our world well enough,” and seeing how Nontan acted, it was like she’s elevated out of the concert hall to her own world. I swear I saw a halo above her head (laughs).

 Takao:  (laughs).  Take Choir ‘S’ Choir for instance. I play it as if I’m in a grassy field. In my head, I imagine myself in different places as I play, and it’s almost weird to put into words.

 Sasaki:  I can always tell!

 Takao:  I’m so glad!

 Sasaki:  I can also tell “ah, that note she played felt so solemn,” and “she sounds like she’s having fun over there”.

 Takao:  I always try to convey my feelings into my sound and movements, so I’m glad it gets across. Though whenever I see Doloris, it really makes me feel like I’ve entered Ave Mujica’s world for real.

 Sasaki:  Aw, I’m so glad!

 Takao:  It’s neither Ricochi nor Uika Misumi. It’s Doloris. When I see you turn into her, I also feel something click within me.

 Sasaki:  It’s like we flick on a switch in each other.

 Takao:  I feel that when I look at the other members as well. I think something else fun about the band is by watching our movements and interactions, it makes you ask all sorts of questions about the characters and their relationships with each other.

 Sasaki:  We touch hands with each other and look at each other while singing and stuff. We come up with those things after a lot of discussion amongst ourselves. I think 1st live really opened the breadth of Ave Mujica’s musical expression.

“We always sing by going with the flow”

――What kinds of discussions did you band members have in preparation for your first live, Perdere Omnia?

 Sasaki:  Around New Years as the concert drew closer, we started doing video calls with each other to share our ideas for how we wanted to move during it.

 Takao:  The camera of course reverses the shot, so it was quite difficult to explain things to each other using it (laughs).

 Sasaki:  We were fine-tuning things right until the last minute. For our 0th live we wore robes and I used a standing microphone, but for this one I switched to using a headset mic. That really changed a lot. I was able to get closer to the other members while singing, and in general I was able to move around much more.

There’s hand mics too, so there’s all sorts of ideas to try out. I think singing while holding a mic in my hands would be fitting for the stage play aspect, while there’s other songs that work well with a standing mic. With a headset mic I get to go closer to everyone else, or who knows where else… (laughs).

 All:  (laughs)

 Takao:  The headset setup is really good, because whenever I see her having fun singing with it on, it makes my tricky parts in songs turn into really fun ones. Her enjoyment is contagious. I always think “Ricochi is so powerful!”

 Sasaki:  I could say the same about you! Hearing you all playing alongside me makes me able to put more power into my voice. There’s moments where I’m so absorbed in our world that my head starts to go fuzzy. When that happens, I’ll listen carefully to Nontan’s piano and Doloris comes back in full swing. I’ll also purposely turn up Yuzumoon’s guitar playing so it’s louder in my better ear monitor, and I’ll listen closely to when we match up perfectly. I do this with the bass and drums as well; I use all five of my senses to feel everyone else’s playing as I sing.

――What’s a song you feel that most strongly with?

 Takao:  It’s Angles for me. Not to go back to this, but during our 0th live, expectations were high for us, and then the anime aired and we performed as an opening act for Roselia, so the fans were going wild.

That pressure was definitely felt during our 1st live. I thought “we really need to put on a show that proves we’ve leveled up,” and I felt much more nervous than usual. Ricochi and Yuzumoon’s guitar teacher would always watch in on our rehearsals, and they pointed out “whenever you get nervous, you tend to not look at the other member’s eyes. If you get nervous during the concert, why don’t you look the other’s in the eyes as a sort of amulet for yourself?”

――That’s some good advice! Those words alone can be an amulet of its own, too.

 Takao:  I remembered it right before the concert started. Personally speaking, among the setlist I was most anxious about Angles, which starts with singing and my piano. I asked Ricochi “during Angles, please look me in the eyes”. During the concert she really did make eye contact with me, and I was able to enter Ave Mujica’s world safely. 1st live made me realize that making eye contact really is an amulet for me.

 Sasaki:  Actually during rehearsals, I was looking at her a little too much. I was scared I was overdoing it, so I tried looking for a good balance of how much to stare at her. If I was in her shoes, I feel like I’d be unable to focus on my playing, being stared at so much. But when the day of the concert came around, she told me “please look at me,” and that made me happy. I looked at her very comfortably during it.

 Takao:  Comfortably? (laughs)

 Sasaki:  Seeing Nontan play her instrument so full of passion made me able to match up my singing to that same extent. With passion in my singing and the two of our hearts matched up… that’s how Angles is born.

Ave Mujica - Angles (Official Music Video)

――You could really feel the tension at the start of Angles.

 Takao:  All I could think is “I’ve never had the spotlight on me this much before”. When I saw the footage of the livestream after, the camerawork on the two of us was incredible.

――Sasaki-san, how did you feel during that part?

 Sasaki:  The biggest thing was acknowledging the song takes place in Doloris and Oblivionis’ world, just the two of them. Of course I thought about how we were in concert, but all I thought of as I was singing was “this world only has the two of them”. I don’t recall being very nervous during it. Oblivionis’ playing was so reassuring and bright, so I really felt confident, and that everything would be okay.

 Takao:  Amazing!

The insane riff master, and the stressful arpeggio

――Sasaki-san, so there’s songs that you find hard, but having the other members by your side makes you feel confident?

 Sasaki:  I have to sing while also playing the leading guitar part, so there’s times where I feel like I’m going to snap. Though Yuzumoon also plays along with me. She’s an “insane riff master”.

 Takao:  (laughs)

 Sasaki:  Rhythm guitar is not easy. I’m sure Yuzumoon was so nervous during her ending arpeggio during Angles.

 Takao:  She really did it perfectly during the concert!

 Sasaki:  Yuzumoon would never admit in conversation how much she’s grown. She just demonstrates it in her playing. I always feel that potently whenever we do rehearsals or concerts together. During 1st live, while hearing her arpeggio that’s filled with blood, sweat and tears, I came in and did my own solo at the end. Our producer who came up with this was a genius.

We both had hard parts, but we can both feel that if we play together, no matter how hard it is, we’ll do our best. Without needing to actually say anything to each other, we speak through our playing.

It’s a magnificent world, however, it’s nowhere to be found

――You also performed Subarashiki Sekai, Demo, Dokonimo Nai Basho for the first time.

 Sasaki:  Our 1st live had the story of “the discarded dolls destroyed the world and created a new one,” and Subarashiki Sekai, Demo, Dokonimo Nai Basho was the first step in that plan. The D-melo was like a wielded guitar, in a way.

 Takao:  Like a sword.

 Sasaki:  Exactly. I sang and played the song with the image of destroying the world.

 Takao:  For me, I played thinking of Oblivionis as “the world’s envoy,” so I tried not to move too much during the song. In my head Oblivionis plays the song while standing frigidly, playing with both hands, staring forward without looking at her keyboard.

 Sasaki:  You say it like it’s nothing, but that really is crazy. It’s like she’s no longer human (laughs).

――(laughs) Could you talk a little about the song itself?

 Sasaki:  1st live really came together beautifully. “Perdere Omnia” actually means “destroy everything”. Subarashiki Sekai, Demo, Dokonimo Nai Basho has the lines “destroy it, destroy it” within it, so the song is about creating a new world from its ruins.

It’s really the essence of Perdere Omnia. The song is about destroying everything and starting from scratch, and I sang and played my guitar while keeping Doloris’ determination and preparation in mind. Listening to it really gets me in the mindset, and I hope the audience feels the same way. As our accomplices, they destroyed the world together with us and we brought them to a new one. I kept that in mind during my recording for it.

――It’s an easy song to listen to.

 Takao:  Even though it’s about destroying the world, Ricochi’s voice is so smooth during the chorus. I love that part…!

 Sasaki:  Thanks!

Saved by BanG Dream! Ave Mujica

――Could you tell us as much as you can about some highlights regarding the upcoming anime, BanG Dream! Ave Mujica?

 Takao:  I put everything into Sakiko’s acting right from episode 1. After I finished recording episode 1, the director, Koudai Kakimoto told me “your acting made me cry”.

 Sasaki:  I want to watch it already!

 Takao:  That’s how passionately I recorded it, and the staff all had a high level of empathy while working on the sequel. I think it’ll really live up to expectations. Even episode 1 alone will make you cry (laughs).

 Sasaki:  It showcases each and every character, and we’ll see new sides to girls that we haven’t yet. I’ve finished my recording for it by now, and all I can say is it’s saved me, in a way.

 Takao:  Same here! I feel saved by it.

 Sasaki:  Everyone will have their own views on it, so I can’t wait to see everyone’s reactions. I can’t say much about it, but it has the same kinds of twists and turns that the MyGO!!!!! girls went through. I think the warped emotions, and the relationships being twisted are all beautiful. I don’t think that beauty only exists in “pretty” things, and that there’s a shine and beauty in the ugly.

 Takao:  After I finished recording the last episode, I thought “Ave Mujica really is a ray of light”.

 Sasaki:  It’s hard to talk about it without spoiling stuff, but we got to record together and it was a lot of fun.

 Takao:  In BanG Dream! It’s MyGO!!!!!, it revealed that Uika and Sakiko were childhood friends, but the sequel shows us even more of their relationship.

 Sasaki:  We threw in a lot of ad libs in our acting.

 Takao:  We really did!

 Sasaki:  There’s fun scenes as well as tense ones.

 Takao:  I hope everyone will watch it to the end.

――Now that you’ve finished recording for the sequel, is there anything you’d like to reflect on regarding the finale of BanG Dream! It’s MyGO!!!!!?

 Takao:  My feelings have changed in all sorts of ways. After watching the finale for the sequel, rewatching BanG Dream! It’s MyGO!!!!! again has me feeling like “oh, so that’s what was happening here”.

 Sasaki:  BanG Dream! It’s MyGO!!!!! was full of mystery still, so it definitely deserves a revisit, and make sure you pay close attention to everything in it, because there’s a lot of moments where you’ll start to connect the dots.

TVアニメ「BanG Dream! Ave Mujica」解禁PV

(Subbed version)

Looking towards a magnificent future

――You’re currently putting out one song per month for five months.

 Sasaki:  The anime hasn’t even aired yet, so it’s such an honor.

 Takao:  We don’t actually know what the songs will be like yet.

 Sasaki:  Yes. I’m so excited to have and be able to sing five new songs that showcase Ave Mujica’s world in their own ways!

 Takao:  It’s like, “Ave Mujica, you made too much of your world!” (laughs). I wonder in what ways they’ll form the world? The possibilities are endless.

 Sasaki:  I’m sure they’ll each have their own story to them. We’ve been dolls up until now, but I hope in the future we get to try other ideas.

――I can’t help but wonder how high the bar for your new songs might end up being…

 Sasaki:  I’m ready to take on anything! I’ll be playing with everyone else after all, and I’ll be sure to absolutely cherish each and every line in the songs.

――Your Blu-ray feature for your 1st single contains footage of your 1st live. I hope people will watch it and go to your concerts. I look forward to what your concerts will be like after the sequel anime airs.

 Takao:  Me too!

 Sasaki:  What will they even be like?! (laughs)

 Takao:  I imagine there will be some sort of change by then. I’m sure the direction for them will shift.

 Sasaki:  The staff has so much fun coming up with ideas, it makes me happy.

 Takao:  I trust them all wholeheartedly!

 Sasaki:  The members and staff are both just wonderful.

――Your 2nd live will take place in June and July. Is there anything you can say about it yet?

 Takao:  We don’t know what the setlist or direction, or what new songs will be performed at it are yet. I just know the concert will show everyone a new world to Ave Mujica, so I hope everyone comes to watch us in all of our newness.

 Sasaki:  The possibilities for what we’ll come up with are endless, and we’ll do our best to discuss among us five members on how to create that new world together. To our audience, Ave Mujica is still wrapped in mystery and not a lot is known about us, but I hope they’ll gladly let Ave Mujica engulf them in its darkness. We’re all villains of the same stripe, after all. I hope you’ll enjoy the world of Ave Mujica alongside us.

[wormwoodandhoney]

i read a lot. i don't make edits for every book i read, because i just... read too much. but here are some of my favorites of the first quarter of the year. in the order i read them:

The Goblin Emperor- the first book I read this year, first edit I made. One of my favorite themes of all time is the importance of kindness, and this book describes this through a slow but fascinating examination of a young outsider becoming king in a beautifully built fantasy world. I did make an edit for this one!

The Bandit Queens- Kind of a dark comedy about a woman in an Indian village whose husband has disappeared. The village believes she has murdered him, and she lets them because it means they'll leave her alone. This backfires on her when some other women in the village come t her asking for help getting rid of their husbands.

The Black Queen- After the first Black Homecoming Queen at the local high school is murdered, her mourning best friend decides to solve her murder.

Peter Darling- Queer, trans retelling of Peter Pan. Drew gave me this book. I don't know if there's any way for me to separate that. It's important to me.

Forest of a Thousand Lanterns- (And it's sequel!) Asian-inspired retelling of Snow White, with the first one as just a delicious villain origin story of the Evil Queen. Genuinely don't know if it's ever been done as nicely as it is here.

Witch Hat Atelier- I don't read much manga anymore, but I'm obsessed with this one! The magic system is just so, so, so good and the art is breathtaking.

It's OK That You're Not OK- This book has been a lifesaver in grief.

Lone Women- Historical horror at its finest. A single Black woman in 1915 travels to Montana with a heavy steamer trunk that she keeps locked at all times. Because when it's opened, terror is released.

Some runners-up: Priory of the Orange Tree, Greymist Fair, The Neighbor Favor, Muted, She Is A Haunting

[mikuhats]

misha fact: when i was like 16-17 i was rly into enstars but SPECIFICALLY arashi narukami (shes like the only girl of the ensemble of characters) (shes trans) (and yes they dont have a good track record with her writing) and one of her best friends is mika kagehira and theyyy were Straightbaiting me in a Yaoibait game . They were so cute . Mika is one of the first characters to call her Naru-chan . They love each other sm . And i loved THEM together so much . U can look in my art archive . i drew them quite often . THEN . the game kind of got a "sequel" but not rly cus it was all the same game but the 3rd yrs graduated and the story continued and new characters were introduced and ect. And i remember waiting like a Fool for new stories where they interacted . They barely got anything . Then eventually i lost interest . And then sometime this year i find out....... THEY MADE MIKA AND SHU (some other fucking guy who cares) CANON? dont piss me off . the one time in my life i think Yaoi should LOSE to Het romance . God. Narumika you were bigger than the whole sky and they couldnt fucking see it

[olderthannetfic]

audience question: what books/movies would you give (or have given) your kids to become their formative media? i'm interested to see what makes the cut 👀

--

I'd let them have access to my library. If it's a book, I'll let them figure out when they're ready to handle it.

(Works fine as long as you're a decent parent and answer questions that come up without being a weirdo about it and freaking them out so they never ask you anything again.)

For films and other things... hmm... it's tricky because all of the formative tings for me were the genre I'd call Weird Art Films About Weird Sex.

If my kid were shaping up to be that kind of weirdo at 14, maybe I'd leave some of these around, but I think it would be pretty intrusive to thrust them upon anybody outside of a film school seminar. Maybe Harold & Maude. My parents rented that when I was a tween. It made An Impression. It's rare for me to see something even two or three times, but Harold and Maude I've seen dozens.

I still think the opening to Harold and Maude is one of the best of any film:

You immediately know what kind of people both of these characters are and that this isn't going to be a simple comedy, dark or otherwise.

The first time I watched it, I knew nothing about the film and was surprised at both this and all of Harold's other antics. It's hilarious until it isn't. It's a movie about zest for life vs. wanting to die, and it walks an interesting line tonally. I remember rewatching it to show it to friends in college... and for the first time understanding that look Harold gets when he sees Maude's arm.

--

There was definitely media I loved pre-puberty, but the things I remember are all like Nancy Drew.

I consumed vast quantities of mystery, and it's probably why I'm a mystery novelist today, but I don't remember anything specific that feels formative in other ways. I wouldn't try to stop a kid from reading trash. I remember how infuriating it was to have adults constantly trying to make me read something "better" than Nancy Drew. But I wouldn't specifically hand my kid those or any of the other formulaic junk series (Sweet Valley High et al.). They'll find whichever ones are popular at the time just fine.

--

There's a very particular feeling of my brain lighting up that I remember mostly from my teen years. Those media made me quiver and have to pause the movie. I felt seen or maybe I felt too much to handle. That's the feeling I associate with formative media for me.

Here are the ones that instantly spring to mind even after all this time:

Velvet Goldmine - Music fan investigates the glam rockers of his youth, meditating on his sexual awakening and trying to solve the mystery of where one of them went. Ewan McGregor's tweet is the sequel. I will accept no other outcome.

Crash - James Spader at the peak of his beauty falls into the world of car crash fetishists who are dealing with the ennui of modern life and the alienation of the big city and technology by becoming perverts. Contains people going down on scars and tattoos, fetishy leg braces, and what teen me assumed was homoerotic subtext. (Spoiler: it was not subtext.)

Matador - A serial killer murders her victims like a bullfighter would; she stalks her favorite retired bullfighter who is also a serial killer. Antonio Banderas plays a dweeb like always in Spain. (The rest of Almodóvar's 80s and 90s movies were also favorites.)

Kissed - The fluffy necrophilia movie

The City of Lost Children - Less horny, but what is up with Miette and One's vibe? Visually a feast. Ten times the movie Amélie is. Sorry, not sorry.

Cemetery Man - Rupert Everett kills zombies in this bizarre Italian horror movie based on a comic book character drawn to look like Rupert Everett. My stepfather thought it looked like something I'd like and rented it for one of my birthday parties in high school. Around the time of the quasi necrophilia sex scene I realized 1. he'd chosen well and 2. he had clearly not read the back too carefully.

The Pillow Book - Japanese-Chinese novelist named after Sei Shonagon has a battle of literary wits with the publisher who blackmailed her father into sex with him. Involves a lot of calligraphy on naked men, including Ewan McGregor.

Sex, Lies & Videotape - Unfulfilled housewife has her world turned upside down when her shitty husband's college best friend comes to visit. This dude has become unable to be with women after a bad breakup and interviews and videotapes women discussing their masturbation habits for his own private use. Contains a famous and stupid quote about men falling in love with the people they sleep with and women becoming more and more attracted to the people they love, but the movie is far less gender normative than the character saying that.

Tesis - Uptight film student who pretends not to like violence decides to do a thesis on violence in Spanish media. Her advisor dies while watching a mysterious tape he got from somewhere. She steals it, finds out it's a snuff film, and investigates with the help of a creepy horror film nerd.

The best scene is when they're watching some violent shit she asked him for ("for her thesis") and she says "What kind of people watch this stuff?"

He answers: "You, for example."

That one I discovered when my roommate in Japan was watching it a couple of years after college. Many of these I saw in high school. That's the range where I remember things being particularly formative. Or maybe it's about what I'm open to at different points in my life: I think weird art films can still make me feel too much, but I don't always like that feeling, and I don't seek them out as much now.

Knife+Heart made me flash back to that era though. It's a neon-drenched period piece about a lesbian director of artsy gay male pornos investigating a serial killer targeting her actors. The sheer levels of meta insanity and horny murder scenes, my god!!!

Running through all of these are themes of ambiguous sexuality, often queer but also non-genitally-focused, massive quantities of voyeurism, meditations on what it means to be a fan, and a boatload of death=sex=death vibes.

--

That's not quite what you asked, but basically, my own formative media isn't something I'd share with just anyone. If people want to watch necrophilia-filled art films of the 90s, I think they need to choose that for themselves.

I guess all that access to Beatrix Potter and watching basically no TV other than Mystery! or Masterpiece Theater (i.e. UK costume dramas catering to a teaboo market and co-funded by the US) during my early childhood had an effect. So did going to schools where we studied Asian American history and read Dragonwings.

None of those media stand out. I'd share them with my kid, but one example is as good as another. Knives Out delivers substantially the same experience as most of them. Watching whatever anime is hot now will be as good as watching the anime I liked when I was young.

[tj-dragonblade]

I would to know what Space Between or Inspiration is about

Hi, thank you! Apologies for the delay in answering!

The Space Between is just an idea at this point; it would be a sequel to the lighthouse keeper fic and it springboards from Auri's The Space Between. It would be Hob taking Dream on adventures away from the Lighthouse once Daniel is around to share the duty, showing him various wonders of the various worlds that he's been telling Dream about all this time. Something like that. It's very very nebulous at this point but I like the story the two songs tell together and I would like to write this second half.

Inspiration is a quick meant-to-be-humorous Immortal Throuple ficlet about Hob struggling to finish an academic paper for publication and his lovers showing up and offering the obvious solution (i.e., muse-ly inspiration). Which Hob would never feel right about asking for, but Calliope is keen to offer. There is a snippet here that starts it off and this picks up directly after that:

"There is no presumption in accepting a gift freely offered, Hob," Calliope interrupted, and her voice was now warm, insistent, decisive. "Let me aid you, that you might put this task behind you, that you might release your words into the world where they will inspire others." She placed one slender hand on his face, soft against his stubble, thumb caressing his cheekbone. "Please?" "I…alright, okay," Hob sighed, and it was a testament to how frustrated he was with this block that he capitulated so easily. Or maybe it was just that Calliope was persuasive and reasonable in her argument, a force of nature in her own right, and saying 'no' to her was not an easy feat when she turned those kind eyes on him with Intent. "How does this work, then?" She smiled, a soft curling of her lovely mouth, and motioned to Dream. "Oneiros. Bring the laptop." She took both of Hob's hands and drew him up from his chair and toward the bedroom, gliding backwards down the short hall. "My gift is strongest when shared in passion," she explained, stripping off her clothing and moving to divest Hob of his. "Really?" He offered up a skeptical grin, cooperating as she undressed him all the same. "Sure this isn't just an excuse to get me naked, have your way with me?" "Most assuredly not." The grin she gave him in return was both sweet and predatory as she pushed him back onto the bed and crawled after him. "That is just a fortuitous bonus."

I'm not sure how well it will adhere to the meant-to-be-humorous intention, in the end. Time will tell.

[wildflower-otome]

[Translation] Clover no Kuni no Alice ~Promise Red~ Light Novel - Chapter 1

Writer: Sana Shirakawa Artist: 文月ナナ Summary: Sequel to White Calling. By arrangement with the Boss of the Hatter Family, Blood Dupre, Alice is now living temporarily at Heart Castle until the Assembly period is over. However, for some reason, the Prime Minister, the White Rabbit Peter, is behaving strangely and suddenly starts to avoid Alice….. Despite not knowing what he’s thinking, her feelings for him continue to grow—In the midst of their estrangement, what fate does the bewildered Alice choose!?

ACT 1 – What awaited after falling was a white rose

Ever since she had come to this world, she had thought she had already become pretty used to its complete lack of common sense.

It was the case for everyone that lived at the Mansion where she had been staying up until now. A fickle Mafia Boss who was always drinking an excessive amount of tea. A large rabbit who was always craving orange coloured food.  Innocent gatekeepers who loved sharp, pointed objects. Servants who were all equipped with guns. No matter how you looked at it, their behaviour was the furthest thing from what Alice took to be common sense.

However, if one were to continually experience such nonsensicality, you would eventually become accustomed to it. In that sense, Alice had thought that she was fairly adaptable…..though that was both a good and bad thing, to her mind.

That she was becoming gradually less surprised at this situation every time it happened, probably wasn’t good though.

‘Hey, why are you in my bed again…..Vivaldi?’

‘…..Hu-…..ahh? “Why” is rather a cold question, is it not, Alice? As fellow women, there is nothing wrong with us sleeping together, is there?’

‘Now wait just a moment, this is my room after all…..although I am staying here for free.’

Anyone would be surprised to dreamily turn over in their sleep, only to find a black-haired beauty comfortably sprawled next to them.

Nonetheless this wasn’t the first time the Queen of Hearts had found her way into Alice’s bed. 

‘It’s fine, is it not? There is no disadvantage for you in it, is there?’

As she drew Alice nearer and hugged her, Vivaldi smelled, as usual, of roses.

Different from the master of the Mansion’s, a dense and somehow alluring scent of flowers emanated from her entire body.

‘No, but even I’d be startled having someone sneak into my bed over and over again-…..not to mention-‘

When she stretched out her arm a little from within Vivaldi’s embrace, and pulled back the sheets….. the head of yet another person appeared.

The short brown hair made a ‘Mmn?’ noise as it turned around. The voice sounded sleepy, but with Alice raising her voice at a close distance, there was no way he was asleep. He was also another person who was perceptive to the presence of others.

‘Why are you here too, Ace-!?’ Don’t tell me you two planned this together-‘

Alice’s tone was harsh as she complained, and Ace gave a bright laugh as he answered.

‘Hm~, it’s a shame, but I wasn’t thinking about getting friendlier with you and her Majesty, you know? I just got lost while I was in the Castle and ended up in this room by coincidence. Hahahaha-‘

‘Do not joke, we would never plan anything with this one. Even if he got down on his knees and begged, you know we would just drive him away, of course? And if he kept being persistent, we would cut off his head.’

The deep displeasure in the Queen’s voice echoing at her back was clear, but for Alice stuck between the two of them, the whole thing was a massive pain.

Since the first Assembly had ended and she had moved to Heart Castle, about twenty time periods had passed. Alice continued to sleep at night as she had before, but just how many more times would she have to experience this when she woke up?

Even if this was a stay officially sanctioned by her household head, Alice didn’t have the kind of whimsicality to be able enjoy a situation like this.

‘Vivaldi. Please let me go already. I’ve got to get up now…..Isn’t this the evening time period you like so much?’

The sky visible from her window had already changed to the vivid colours of twilight. In this world where the weather remained stable, the colour of the sky always indicated which period of time it was.

‘Hm…..so it is, but…..it feels just so comfortable holding you like this. Let us chase away the nuisance, we wish to nap for just a little while longer.’

As the Queen, still hugging Alice, laughed, the Knight who had just been called a nuisance, complained, ‘You’re so mean, Majesty.’

‘…..You guys…..’

Just as she was thinking on how she could escape this impossible situation-

Bang! With a loud noise, the door to the room was opened. 

Alice was startled as there hadn’t been so much as a knock in warning, but the other two didn’t seem too bothered.

‘What is it, White? We are spending time with Alice. Take this knight that doesn’t know when not to interrupt and get back to work.’

‘…..I do not wish to told that by the chief reason there is so much work left unfinished, your Majesty.’

Bathed in the colours of the setting sun, the White Rabbit was sighing as he looked at his superior and coworker.

The red gingham overcoat he wore appeared even more bright red than usual.

Having come right up next to the bed, the Prime Minister of Heart Castle, Peter White, spoke bluntly.

‘Please hurry up and get out of there. You’re causing Alice trouble.’

‘…..How rude, were it not evening, we would have your head. Right, Alice?’

‘It’s fine, Vivaldi. If you’ve got work, you’d better go.’

Alright? As she spoke with a cute tilt of the head, Vivaldi reluctantly got up. The nightwear she wore displayed her soft curves in a way that even Alice, who was of the same sex, was entranced despite herself.

‘Tch-…..We came here to escape from all that bothersome work, but if you say so, we suppose we must return. But, Alice. In the next break period, you will have tea with us, will you not?’

Red fingertips stretched out in a single smooth movement to trace the girl’s jaw, as she caught Alice up in her gaze.

Lightly touching her hand, the girl gave a shy smile. If the tea party was after she had finished her work, Alice had no reason to refuse.

‘Sure. It’s a promise. So, make sure you finish up quickly.’

‘What a naughty child…..You know well how to motivate us.’

Vivaldi had reluctantly come out of the bed, but the remaining intruder had stayed there lying on his side watching them talk.

‘Ace, hurry up and get back to work too. That’s an order.’

 ‘Aw-. But unlike you Majesty, I don’t have any unfinished paperwork to do?’

‘You also had a match scheduled with your subordinates, did you not? You’re in charge of the military, yet you’re always lost, please at least do the work that’s been given to you.’

‘Tch-…..Guess I’ve got no choice.’

Once Vivaldi clicked her fingers, her outfit had changed to that of her usual red dress.

When Alice turned around, Ace was no longer in the bed. He had picked up and put on the coat that had lain discarded on the floor and was now stretching.

‘It’s nice to give everyone some training now and then or they get bored…..perhaps it’s good timing. See you then, Alice.’

Waving goodbye, Ace left the room, following after Vivaldi.

‘…..…..’

‘Ah.’

This left only the White Rabbit and the girl in the middle of her temporary stay over.

‘Um…..thanks, Peter. You helped me out.’

‘Not at all.’

Once she had said her thanks despite feeling awkward, Peter smiled and shook his head.

But the smile he gave was also awkward. He had never smiled that way up until now.

If he had been as before, and Vivaldi and Ace had snuck into Alice’s bedroom, she wondered what would have happened.

‘It’s unfair, Alice! Why are you sleeping with her Majesty and Ace, and not me!? Please sleep with me-!’

Is probably what he would have said as he barged in.

He didn’t even once try to get into the bed. Rather, he was making an effort not to get any closer to Alice than necessary.

Even though up until now he’d always been following her around, causing her trouble.

Alice herself felt bewildered at how restless she felt having him put distance between them.

‘Peter…..um, after this-‘

‘I’m sorry, Alice. I still have other errands I need to-…..’

‘Huh?’

‘I’ll come again. See you then.’

‘W-wait, just a minute, Peter-‘

Without turning to look back at the hand she had stretched out toward him on reflex, he left the room.

‘……….’

The sound of the door closing with a bang echoed strangely loudly across the room.

‘It happened again.’

Peter had been acting distant ever since Alice had come to stay temporarily at Heart Castle. Even though all her visits until now had begun with him saying stalker-ish stuff like, ‘I love you,’ they hadn’t really spoken, outside of exchanging the bare minimum of greetings.

No—it wasn’t just that, each time he saw Alice’s face, it would end with him hurriedly running away. Like he had just now.

‘…..As if you actually plan on coming by later…..’

A room that did not fare unfavourably compared to the one she had at Hatter Mansion.  A bed that had been installed in the empty space that was far too vast. There Alice sat as she drew her knees up against her and sighed.

Despite being the one to say that he would take her home with him even if it was against Alice’s will at Clover Tower.

She didn’t understand why he had so suddenly become aloof. The fact that she felt lonely at not understanding  him only confused her further.

‘…..Peter…..’

What came into her mind was the face of her first love, and the words he had said to her.

—I’m sorry, Alice. I’ve-…..—

She wondered if she would end up hearing the same words from Peter as well.

Had she hurt him in some way? Or perhaps he hated her now.

‘It can’t be, not Peter, of all people…..’

I like you. I love you. You are the only one I love.

The words of love he had repeated again and again. She had heard those romantic lines any number of times up until now, as if he were a broken record. The words she had always let go in one ear and out the other, thinking nothing of them, now felt nostalgic, almost as if she missed hearing them.

‘…..…..’

The one to guide her to this world had been that White Rabbit. It had also been him who had made her drink the bitter medicine and gotten her caught up in the Game.

It had all begun with Peter.

Following her around like a stalker. The things she said never getting through to those long ears. A clean freak, but for all that, indiscriminately wanting to touch her.

‘…..…..’

It had never occurred to her before.

That Peter would ever put space between himself and Alice.

‘Peter.’

—Weren’t you going to stay with me forever?—

Despite the fact they were now living in the same place, he felt even further away than when she had lived in the Hatter’s territory.

She couldn’t help but feel that even the spark she had seen in those red eyes the night she had been attacked now existed only in her memories.

‘Peter.’

A voice that didn’t reach even when she called out to him, and a back that did not turn around to look at her.

Chilled fingertips that were not held.

Alice still didn’t understand what this stinging feeling, like claws digging into her chest, was.

***

‘Lord White, is it? Yes, I believe he should be in his room at this time period.’

Because he was carrying documents from the trial from the time period just before.

One of the castle’s maids readily answered when Alice asked Peter’s whereabouts.

Though she was currently in the half-baked situation of temporarily staying at Heart Castle, while still being a resident of Hatter Mansion, an enemy territory, there was no change in how the maids whom Alice was friendly with treated her. Rather, it was as if they welcomed her presence.

Not only did she have the traits to be liked by the people of this world, but when she was there the Queen was always in a good mood. 

Nevertheless, they weren’t over the top in their treatment of her. When it came to that sort of thing, they were well acquainted with how to maintain an appropriate distance. 

‘I see, thank you. Sorry for interrupting you at your work.’

Alice was a guest, so it didn’t seem right for her to be getting in the way of the maids’ work. When she apologized for making her stop walking, she vigorously shook her head and said, ‘Not at all-! I am very honoured just to be able to talk to you. It makes me happy.’

‘…..Really?’

‘Yes.’

Her face difficult to see, the maid was one of those called the faceless. However, right now, her cheeks looked as if they were tinged a faint red.

‘It’s said that the people of Heart Castle seem heartless, but right now I feel kind of happy.’

She smiled broadly.

The woman wearing the black maid outfit smiled happily as she spoke and nodded.

Outsiders were those who had the special characteristics to be liked by the people of this world. She had, of course, already experienced being liked by people that weren’t role holders.

‘Is that so? But if I interrupt your work too often, I’ll be a bother to you, won’t I?’

‘Of course not- Please don’t worry, call out to me at any time. You would not be a bother at all.’

Laughing a little awkwardly at the maid’s insistence, Alice quietly began to walk.

The place she was headed was the room of the White Rabbit.

It was a place she had been to many times when she had been at Hatter Mansion. However, since she had started staying at Heart Castle, Alice had not yet entered the gingham checkered room.

The reason why was simple. The owner of the room had not invited her there.

 “Alice-. Ah, you’ve come to see me again! I’m so happy. I was just thinking that I wanted to see you, this must be a miracle of love indeed!”

Up until now, when Alice had visited the Castle, he had often brought her into his room while saying things like that. She had been resistant at first, but halfway through had given up, realising it was futile.

Peter’s face as he gazed at Alice as she rambled on about whatever came to mind seemed so happy you would not think he was the same Prime Minister of Heart Castle infamous for his cold-heartedness. Even if the things she talked about didn’t always properly get through to the long ears, the good will Peter felt for her was obvious to anyone who saw them.

No, perhaps it was already past the level of mere good will.

After all, he was the kind of Rabbit to say, ‘I love you’ over and over regardless of where they were. It wasn’t just once or twice that he had come at her with stalker-like persistency.

Alice had come to Heart Castle almost half-dragged there by that persistency. Since she had come to the Castle, the time periods had already changed about twenty times. It was the first time she had stayed such a long period of time somewhere other than the Mansion.

Alice had never spent more than five time periods away without returning since being in the Country of Hearts, no, ever since the move to the Country of Clover.

Until now she had had her job to do. No, outside of work, she had also made promises to have tea parties with her fickle employer and to play with the twin Gatekeepers.

I have to return to Hatter Mansion by this time.

The limits she had imposed on herself as if it were only natural now no longer existed.

—I don’t mind if you stay over at Heart Castle temporarily.—

During the Assembly period the conflict between Mafia organisations had intensified. Alice hadn’t found the suggestion her head of household had made in consideration of the fact that she had been targeted twice in a row to be a disagreeable one.

However, if she had imagined the situation would be like this…..she wondered whether she would even have come to the Castle at all.

When she came to Heart Castle she had expected that he would spend all his time following her around. She had thought he wouldn’t leave her side for a single time period if she didn’t prompt him not to. She had even imagined herself smiling wryly calling him a troublesome Prime Minister.

However, the level of contact she had with the White Rabbit had suddenly declined ever since she had come from Clover Tower to stay at the Castle. She wondered if she had offended him in some way.

He had never felt this remote to her up until now. And that it made her feel lonely surprised even her.

Of course a person would find it odd if someone who had been acting like a stalker towards them suddenly distanced themselves without any warning. That was why Alice had always thought that it was Peter who was the one who was behaving strangely.

‘Ever since I came to Heart Castle I haven’t really gone out all that much. I haven’t gone to the Forest doors even once either…..maybe that’s why he doesn’t follow me around anymore.’

He couldn’t leave Alice on her own since the doors were leading her astray. He could not entrust her to Hatter Mansion in the state she was in.

That had been what Peter had insisted when he had forcefully brought Alice with him to Heart Castle.

Worried herself about the White Rabbit’s unstable condition, she had gone along with her master’s considerate suggestion but…..she had no idea why Peter had suddenly become distant.

No matter the reason, Alice didn’t want to keep on feeling awkward like this. She had thought she had to talk to him at least once, but it appeared the White Rabbit’s ears were highly efficient at odd times. Whenever he sensed her presence, he ended up disappearing before she realised it.

She certainly did not feel like interrupting him when he was in the middle of work, but she couldn’t remain unbothered when he was purposely avoiding her to this extent.

‘…..-‘

Alice stopped walking at the thought that had risen unbidden into her mind.

‘But that means he’s definitely been avoiding me, for sure.’

Peter, avoiding Alice. Peter, trying to distance himself from Alice.

The words didn’t seem to fit that stalker-ish Prime Minister at all.

So thinking, once she had gone down the familiar corridor she arrived at Peter’s room.

Come to think of it, whenever she had visited before Peter had always been with her, so entering like this by knocking on the door was a first-time experience for her.

Normally it would be the other way around. However, the White Rabbit, who had always welcomed Alice’s visits, had appeared to be delighted to ask her there himself.

But now it was different for the both of them.

The fact that her body had unconsciously tensed was also part of it. She took a single breath to calm herself, then steeled her resolve and raised an arm.

Knock knock.

Standing quietly in front of the door, she knocked. The sound echoed, but there was no response from within.

‘Peter, are you there? I just want to talk for a bit.’

She tried calling out, but there was no response or any signs of someone moving around inside.

From what the maid had said earlier, he had brought his work into his room with him, so if he was really there, there should be some kind of sound. But it was completely silent.

‘……Maybe he isn’t in?’

‘Whatcha doing there, Alice?’

‘-!!’

Hearing a voice suddenly call out from behind, she flinched and shrank in on herself,

turning around in a fluster. 

‘Ace! Don’t get so close and call out from behind me out of nowhere like that!’

‘Hahaha. But even when I got close to you, you didn’t notice me at all. Was just wondering what you were concentrating so hard on, is all.’

Unabashed, the Knight as he spoke nonchalantly appeared to be the same as always. He had a remarkable talent for getting lost, so that was most likely why he was wandering around the Castle yet again.

Because Ace was always continuously roaming about whether inside or outside the Castle, she always ended up meeting him in places she had not expected to.

‘I wasn’t really concentrating or anything like that.’

‘Really? Didn’t seem like you noticed me when I saw you and called out though…..or where you ignoring me?’

He grinned.

His smile seemed as friendly as always, but his eyes looked somehow scary. Like he was only smiling on the surface, but there was no emotion behind it.

She couldn’t help but feel as if she were talking to a mask.

‘I wasn’t ignoring you. I honestly just didn’t notice you were there…..’

‘Then, that means your mind was completely full of something else. If you weren’t ignoring me, that means I wasn’t able to get you to pay attention to me. That’s cold of you, Alice.’

‘…..Ace?’

Using the difference in their physiques to his advantage, the red-wearing body had all at once pushed Alice against the door.

When she averted her gaze to the side, she saw grey-coloured gloves. Both his sturdy arms had been placed on either side of her, causing her to be unable to move.

What Alice saw as she turned her head back towards the Knight to complain were faintly amused looking red eyes.

‘I thought you were just as lost as I am, but looks like I was wrong. You’re no fun at all.’

His voice sounded discontent, yet at the same time somehow lonely.

Hearing him sound that way was so unexpected, Alice’s eyes widened.

‘What, are you saying, Ace?’

‘Well, you know, I had heard that you often got lost in the Forest of Doors. I’d thought for sure that meant you were lost too.’

‘…..No matter how lost I get, I could never be as bad as you.’

The doors’ voices often led Alice astray. The doors of the Forest, and the doors of the Tower…..neither were good influences on her.

‘Anyway, that said…..I’ve got business with Peter. Don’t get in my way.’

‘With Peter?’

‘This is Peter’s room!’

As she tapped the door at her back, Ace looked around him, saying ‘Ahh,’ as he gave a vigorous nod of understanding.

‘I see, so this is Peter’s room. Man, I didn’t realise at all. I had thought this place looked familiar, hahahaha-‘

Hearing the bright sounding laugh, Alice at last relaxed.

She didn’t understand why. But she had unconsciously been afraid of Ace when he had trapped her against the door.

This world had very few people with common sense in it to begin with. Despite knowing full well he was another person that wasn’t normal.

‘…..…..’

For just a moment she had genuinely thought she would be killed.

It wasn’t something she could easily say aloud.

‘Well then, if this is Peter’s room, the training grounds should be somewhere on the level below. I’d better hurry, or everyone will get bored.’

‘By “training”, you mean you haven’t gone yet?’

It was natural for Alice to be surprised. Since he had talked about training and the like in Alice’s room, about ten periods had already passed. Even if he was the Knight of Hearts that could get lost even within the Castle, it was too much.

‘Hahaha. I mean, this Castle really is too big. I get lost before I know it, what a pain.’

‘…..There are limits to things you know.’

At the very least he hadn’t left the Castle.  If he had, since this was Ace, he probably wouldn’t have been able to return for at least ten time periods. Exasperatedly shrugging her shoulders, Alice reluctantly instructed him.

‘If I’m remembering right, you should be able to get to the training grounds if you go straight down this hallway and go down the staircase at the end. Hurry up and go already.’

‘Wow, Alice, you sure know a lot. It’s kinda like you’ve become completely used to this Castle.’

 ‘…..…..?’

There was nothing strange in what he was saying, but to Alice there was something that felt off about the words.

It wasn’t just Peter, Ace had also been a little different ever since the move to the Country of Clover.

Alice didn’t know him well enough to be able to point out exactly what it was, but her intuition was probably not incorrect. Although he was just as friendly as always, recently she had the feeling that he was irritated somehow.

‘You’ve become used to the Country of Clover, and Heart Castle too…..you’re really adaptable. I’m envious.’

‘Ace?’

The expression on his face was cheerful as always, but it felt as if he were being sarcastic.

Why that would be, Alice did not know.

Not responding to the questioning tone in the girl’s voice, the Knight finally backed off with a slight smile. The red eyes that had been a close distance from her a moment ago had now moved away.

‘Well, guess I’ll head on over to where my subordinates are. For my own training, it’s a bit of a worry our soldiers aren’t up to my level but…..guess it can’t be helped.’

Just as Alice was wondering whether to show him the correct route or not as she watched the Knight begin to walk off in the complete opposite direction-

‘Ah, that’s right. Alice. If you’re after Peter, he isn’t in his room.’

‘Huh?’

‘Just before…..not long after the time period changed, I saw him headed towards the garden. Hahaha, there isn’t another rabbit as unique as him in our Castle, so I knew it was him right away.’

Although, I don’t know if he’s still there now.

Leaving those words behind, Ace departed.

‘! Thank you, Ace.’

Even before he had disappeared from view, Alice had begun to descend the staircase she had just come up from.

The reason she instinctively quickened her pace was because of what the Knight had said.

She had no choice but to believe that Peter was purposely not staying in one place for too long. If she didn’t chase after him quickly, he might go someplace else yet again.

‘Peter…..’

I want to be with you forever, always, and at all times-!

That had definitely been what he had said as he tugged on her hand at Clover Tower. That he wouldn’t give over his role as guide to anyone else, that he’d be with her forever and protect her from the doors, those had been his words.

‘Don’t just say whatever you want…..and then go and leave me-‘

The bitter memories of her first love still remained within Alice.

She couldn’t believe that Peter would leave her just as he had. She didn’t want to believe it. She thought that she would be sad if she couldn’t have him close by as a friend.

He didn’t listen to what other people said at all. He immediately shot anyone he didn’t like. But for all that, it was only in the times when he was with her that the White Rabbit seemed unbelievably happy.

You are the only one…..I didn’t want to have disappear on me.

The words she couldn’t say were building up inside her chest. There was a stinging pain in her heart.

A part of her knew that it was odd to feel this way over a sudden change in a friend. But she didn’t care about the reason.

That Peter really might leave her.

Right now, that was what she was tremendously afraid of.

***

Alice left the garden—in the empty space surrounded with red roses the figure of the White Rabbit was already nowhere to be seen.

The gardens of Heart Castle were vast. So much so that just an hour wouldn’t be long enough to search them from top to bottom. She had tried asking the maids and soldiers she knew one after the after, but by the time she realized that at the very least he was no longer in this particular one, the time period had changed.

‘…..Dammit…..Where did he go-‘

She had searched for an hour, but in the end, Alice had been unable to find even so much as Peter’s shadow.

By the time she had arrived at the west garden, having been told that he had been seen there, it was completely deserted.

When she dashed to the south fountain, hearing that he was in the middle of giving instructions to the soldiers there, the soldiers were already carrying out their duties, the person in charge long gone.

Even if she had the stamina of an average person, Alice did not have the endless energy someone like Ace had to be able to continuously wander around.

Having spent so much time walking about without stopping, her legs had begun to swell. They felt too heavy for her to be trying to walk back to her guest room.

In order to recover her strength, she sat down on a bench that had been placed in the hallway.

‘Since this is Peter we’re talking about, I don’t think he would have left the Castle…..wha-!?’

Just as she was muttering to herself. Alice’s green eyes widened in an instant.

A shadow had been reflected in the large mirror at the end of the hallway. Alice definitely had a feeling she had seen a red shadow pass through the hallway she had just been walking in a moment ago.

‘It couldn’t be-…..!’

As she got up, the heaviness of her legs forgotten, she immediately began to run. She knew that it was bad manners to run inside the Castle, but right now she couldn’t afford to be polite.

 Sprinting back down the hallway she had left just a few seconds ago, she looked to the left.

There—she saw the figure of a young man with long ears wearing red clothes. Perhaps not having noticed Alice, the familiar white hair was walking away at a relaxed pace.

‘Peter!’

‘-!?’

Her voice came out louder than expected as she called out, determined to stop him, but it had without a doubt reached his long ears.

Alice did not fail to notice that the white ears had twitched and trembled.

‘I want to talk to you, do you have a bit of time right now to-…..huh!?’

Whereupon an unexpected development occurred before her eyes.

‘P-Peter! Where are you going-!‘

There was no way he hadn’t heard Alice call out to him, but of all things the White Rabbit had broke into a run, continuing on in the same direction he had been headed. He hadn’t even so much as turned around.

‘W-Wait, Peter!!’

For just a moment she had frozen in place at his reaction.

Who would have thought. That the person who had always been chasing after her, would suddenly run away without even looking at her…..there was no way she could have predicted such a sight.

She chased after the White Rabbit who had panicked and begun to run, but he was faster than she was. Little by little, the distance between them grew.

‘…..-, Please wait, Peter, stop!’

Having already spent so much time searching for him, Alice was reaching the limits of her strength. Her legs seemed about to give out from under her, and even her hair was a mess.

 Even so, she didn’t stop pursuing the White Rabbit she had at last found.

‘…..…..’

He was fast. The phrase “fast as a fleeing rabbit” existed, but the speed at which he ran was abnormal. Even so, perhaps she could say that it was rather impressive he didn’t bump into any of the soldiers or maids that he passed by on the way.

Alice on the other hand, sweating profusely, didn’t even have the time to apologise to the people she had run into.

Scolding her trembling legs, Alice once more raised her voice.

‘If there’s something you want to say to me, then say it-!! Don’t run away-!‘

He had to have heard her. Each time Alice’s voice echoed out, the long ears reacted slightly.

‘-!’

‘Peter!’

Don’t leave me behind.

Alice could have said the words. However, she wasn’t able to.

If she said that to him, and he still didn’t stop. If he pretended that he hadn’t heard her.

“Alice, I’m so sorry, I-….”

“I’m sorry, Alice, I’ve-….”

‘…..…..-’

It was déjà vu. It frightened her that it wouldn’t be wholly unexpected if he were to say the same sort of things as those phantom voices.

However, the White Rabbit didn’t stop running.

At this rate, it would be a matter of which happened first, Alice reaching her limits, or him making a successful escape. It would probably be both. Either way, it didn’t appear that Alice had any chance of catching Peter.

There was now no longer any trace of the girl’s usual composure. Desperately forcing her legs to move, rallying her body as it seemed on the verge of collapse, Alice was running.

She wasn’t thinking at all about what she would say once she caught up to him. By chasing him, and seeing his face—she just wanted to lessen the distance that had opened up between them, even if it was by just a little.

It might be because Alice didn’t want to accept that there was any distance she couldn’t close, no matter how she were to run and run.

‘…..Alice.’

Perhaps the White Rabbit had noticed that the girl hadn’t stopped chasing him despite her flagging strength. After turning around for just a moment, he suddenly dove into a nearby room.

Completely absorbed as she was in running, Alice didn’t have the capacity for calm decision making. The person she was chasing had gone into that room. That was the only fact her mind was able to register.

‘Peter-! I’m not letting you get away-!’

Despite being a guest, she was fairly knowledgeable when it came to the layout of the large Castle. The room he had entered was one of the guest rooms. And, although she wasn’t sure exactly which level they were on right now, at the very least she knew it wasn’t the ground one. He wouldn’t be able to escape by running outside.

Bang!

Opening the door with all her strength, Alice at last came to a stop.

‘P-Pe-…..ter…-. Wh-Where are you-…..-!?’

Her voice seemed to stick in her completely dried out throat. The metallic taste spreading throughout her mouth was probably blood that had gushed out from where capillary vessels had split. She felt awful, but right now she didn’t have the time to leisurely be drinking tea.

Still breathing hard, she looked around her, but the bright red clothes wearing White Rabbit was nowhere to be found.

‘Wh-Where…..did he…go?’

Roughly wiping away the sweat pouring down her forehead with the back of her hand, Alice looked from side to side. Her heart was pounding so hard she could hear it. Her arms no longer had any strength left in them and felt heavy, as if they didn’t belong to her.

If he were a normal person, the number of places he could hide would be limited, but in any case, Peter had another form he could take. Just as the Gatekeepers had child and adult forms, he could change from human to rabbit form.

If Peter were in rabbit form, starting with the closet, there were an infinite number of spots that he could hide.

‘…..…..’

As to be expected of a guest room of Heart Castle. Just like the room Alice had at Hatter Mansion, it was more than big enough.

She took a general look around, underneath the tables and in all the storage spaces, but didn’t find a trace of either the white ears or the red clothes. She had made sure to close the door, so if he had left the room while Alice had been concentrating on her search, she still would have noticed straight away.

In other words, either he was still in the room or—he had gone outside using a hidden route unknown to her. It had to be one of the two.

‘If I’d known this was going to happen, I would’ve asked Vivaldi about hidden passageways-’

‘…..…..’

Perhaps because it was a noon time period, the light coming from beyond the curtain was warm and gentle. There was no obvious shadow reflected behind it.

While thinking that it couldn’t be, when she put her hand to the window, she noticed that it was unlocked.

‘Peter, are you there?’

Klack.

Opening it, she went out onto the balcony. Red roses were in full bloom in the garden below her, but the White Rabbit she was searching for was nowhere to be seen.

However, the fact that the window had been unlocked meant that someone had to have opened it. The maids of the Castle were all diligent in their work, so it wasn’t likely that they had carelessly forgotten to do it. In a situation where the enemy Mafia group might come to attack them at any time, it was impossible they would do something so negligent.

 As she leaned against the balcony railing to look down on the garden below, there didn’t appear to be anyone else around. 

Height-wise she was probably about three floors up. Alice certainly couldn’t see herself jumping down from this kind of height, but when it came to the physical abilities of those called role holders, her common sense didn’t apply. Peter probably would have been able to jump and land safely without any problems.

Feeling her heart rate settle down a little at last, she gave a small sigh.

‘Peter….why are you avoiding me like this?’

Before, even when she had come here to see the Queen or the Knight, he had always shown up uninvited and clung on to her.

Even when she’d told him she didn’t have any business with him and to let her go, he didn’t listen saying, ‘Alice, I love you. I love you so much-‘ again and again.

Even though back then when he’d been stuck to her like glue, he’d just been a pain, and truth be told, an annoyance.

Now, simply not having him close by was making her anxious.

Even though he had brought her to Heart Castle with such a worried look on his face.

‘…..You’re an idiot, Peter.’

Alice’s thoughts kept getting more and more negative.

Maybe he really did hate her now. No, if that was the case, considering his personality, he probably would have pointed his gun at Alice for chasing after him.

Along with a cold look in those red eyes.

Alice still didn’t know what he wanted to do, and at the same time neither did she know what she wanted to do with him.

It was just, at this very moment, she strongly felt that she wanted to see the White Rabbit. See him, and then have him smile at her, just like he always had until now.

If he had really meant the words he had repeatedly said, ‘I want to be with you forever’-

Then, she wanted to see him—right now.

‘Where are you, Peter?’

Sighing, she turned away from the balcony railing. The sky above her as she looked up at in a daze was so bright that it irritated her. Unresolved feelings still within her, it almost seemed to be laughing at her.

However, she was disillusioned with herself for thinking such a thing. To be taking out her emotions on even the weather, there were limits to how pathetic one could be.

Just at the moment she was shaking her head with self-loathing-

The girl’s long hair gently blew upwards. Surprised, she tried to hold it in place, but was unable keep all of it down.

‘…..The wind.’

Before the move, the wind rarely blew. In this world that was always good weather, rain did not fall, and there was usually not so much as a cloud in the sky.

It was very strange for the wind to be blowing like this. Remembering what the master of Hatter Mansion had said, perhaps it was an effect of the Country itself having become unstable due to the land having moved.

The wind was by no means chilly, but she had a feeling her sweat-drenched body had suddenly become much colder than before.

Just as she let go of the railing as she shivered, thinking it might be time to head back inside-

Whoosh, a stronger gust of wind than any she had ever felt before blew right at her.

‘Kyah-!’

The sudden high wind lifted her whole body. Panicked, she tried to grab hold of the railing, but exhausted as she was from all the running she had done, there was no strength left in her arms.

At the moment she realised her field of vision had tilted, Alice’s body had already been pushed out from the balcony.

‘!!’

An empty space, with nothing to tie her down.

Her apron dress billowed out, but she didn’t have the leeway to hold it down.

As her field of vision whirled round and round she saw a red garden, and a red castle. And—a blue so vast it seemed about to crush her.

Surrounded by the many different colours—she was falling towards the ground.

‘Kyaah-!?’

Body frozen, a scream spilled out from Alice’s lips. She reflexively closed her eyes.

What would happen if she fell from three floors up. It was obvious. If she was unlucky, she would die instantly, but even if luck were on her side, she wouldn’t be able to avoid serious injury. And not just that, since she had expended almost all her energy running around, she was unable to take up a proper falling stance.

Just as when she had first come to this world, it appeared that Alice and falling had a fated connection whenever Peter was involved. Although that was a fact she was not at all grateful for.

‘-‘

So that she would at least not hit her head, she hunched her shoulders, tightly curling her body in on itself. Although mid-air, she was not necessarily able to move herself into position as nimbly as she would have liked, it was better than doing nothing.

After all—Alice still hadn’t been able to say anything to him yet.

Searching, running.

Even if it meant chasing after him herself, unlike the first time she had fallen into this world.

She had to catch the running Rabbit.

 ‘Alice!’

‘-‘

Just as she closed her eyes against the feeling of falling, she felt she heard a strained sounding voice call out. The almost phantom-like voice came from below her.

When she opened her eyes that had been so tightly closed, she saw a white rose blooming in the red garden.

No, it wasn’t possible the red Queen would have allowed a white rose to exist in the Castle she ruled over.

‘Peter!’

The White Rabbit she had not been able to reach, despite all the time she had spent chasing after him, was now below her eyes.

Whether the reason she had unconsciously stretched out her hand was to grab hold of him, or to seek his help. That was something not even Alice knew.

‘…..-‘

The only thing she knew was that despite her expectations of a hard impact, something soft and warm had caught her up.

Landing with a loud thud, she had fallen down onto the ground. However, it did not hurt.

‘Alice, are you alright!? Ah, you’re completely covered with dirt…..A-Are you hurt anywhere, Alice?!’

Despite being considerably more dirt covered than her, pinned as he was beneath her, as usual, the White Rabbit only saw Alice.

Brushing back hair that gotten on the girl’s face with his fingers, he stared intently at her.

Red eyes that only reflected Alice in them, to the point that it was frightening.

The girl drew a breath at the depth in that gaze—and then, gripped tightly onto his clothes.

‘…..I’m not hurt. What about you, are you alright?’

‘It doesn’t matter about me-. Besides, catching you is but a trivial-…..Gwah-!?’

‘Ah, I see. Very good then.’

Smiling broadly, Alice yanked the tie Peter wore around his neck, pulling it tight.

‘Not even I would want to interrogate an injured person. But if you’re fine, looks like we might be able to have ourselves a nice chat.’

Glaring head on at the White Rabbit as he made noises as if he were finding it hard to breathe, she brought her face closer to his.

She was smiling on the surface, but on the inside, rather than relief, emotions that she had no name for had been whirling around in her chest for quite some time.

Until she’d seen Peter’s face, she’d been so anxious she couldn’t stand it. She had been afraid that he had grown tired of her and would reject her.

However, she could tell. Right now, Peter was the same as he had always been, the Rabbit who revolved his world around Alice, not caring even about his own self.

That was why, even though she’d been so anxious a moment ago, she was able to question him with her usual confidence.

‘You’ve been acting weird ever since I came to Heart Castle. What, do you hate me that much? Do you not even want to see my face, Peter?’

‘Wha-! Wh-Why would you say something so absurd!? I love you-! Has someone been telling you bad things about me-…..-Guh-!’

‘Don’t put the blame on someone else!’

Once more pulling tight the necktie she had let loose, Alice closed in on Peter, still lying on top of him.

‘You’re the one who’s been running away every time you saw my face. Even when I was having tea with Vivaldi and the others you never showed up. You were always running up to me as soon as you could, but now you don’t even want to be near me.’

‘Alice…..’

‘Well, I suppose you were always over the top with the hugging and stuff to begin with, so maybe this is only normal but…if you were going to dial it back, don’t do it so suddenly, um, that is……’

Her voice was gradually growing smaller and smaller.

As the words she was saying fully registered in her mind, Alice was able to think a bit more clearly.

Even though he’d always been persistently clinging on to her, he had suddenly become distant. Without saying why, or what he meant by it.

However—it had been Alice herself who hadn’t liked that he’d distanced himself.

What she was saying now made it seem like she’d missed him. As she realized that, her face turned bright red.

‘You’re the one that said you’d protect me forever.’

This was all strange. It shouldn’t have been this way. She was pretty much acting like a sulky child.

That she’d been lonely without him, made her feel that there had to be something wrong with her.

‘…..I’m sorry, Alice. I wasn’t avoiding you.’

‘You’re lying.’

When he saw her face, he had turned his back on her.

When she’d called out to him, he had acted aloof and walked away.

What other way could such behaviour be described, other than avoiding her?

All the same, as Alice glared at him, the White Rabbit quietly shook his head.

There was dirt on his white cheek. The Rabbit who was white as snow, had gotten a little dirty. The Rabbit who loved cleanliness more than anything, who did not taint himself with anything other than her.

‘I was just…..so happy, I didn’t know what to do.’

‘Huh?’

‘I was so happy…..I couldn’t even think.’

A dirtied face. There was a single speck of dirt on the face of the White Rabbit, who never had a single speck of dirt on him.

She wondered why she hadn’t noticed up until now that his cheeks were slightly flushed.

‘Alice,’ calling her name, Peter stretched out a hand. The white gloved hands brushed her hair back.

‘Ah.’

She felt as if her heart had skipped a beat as his fingers combed through her disheveled hair, trying to smooth it down. She was unable to take her eyes off the face in front of hers.

Seeming bashful, yet smiling as if happy, the White Rabbit continued to speak.

‘You’re here at the Castle. You did say that it was just temporary, but all the same, to be living in the same place…..I was just so happy when I thought about it…..that I grew afraid.’

‘…..…..’

‘I thought that I wanted to make you happy forever. If you are in this world, you can become happy. That was why, I was glad just to have you in this world.’

Red clothes swayed in her line of vision.

‘…..Peter.’

As he quietly pulled her close and hugged her, she became unable to see his face.

The face she had wanted to see so much was on the other side of hers. Even though she had thought that when she saw it, she would question and scold him.

She was enveloped in the warmth of his body close to hers and the sound of a ticking clock.

‘But, having you so near…..when I thought that I wanted to stay this way forever, to be even closer to you, it frightened me. Not knowing what to do to have you by my side for even just a little, I couldn’t approach you.’

A warm embrace.

There was a clear difference in the way he held her from when he had hugged her without holding back in the past.

Like he wanted to imprison her inside his arms, but was frightened, not wanting her to hate him, that was the kind of heat they had.

‘I’m a greedy rabbit, aren’t I.’

‘That’s…..not true.’

At his voice sounding as if he were giving a pained smile, Alice could only shake her head slightly.

There was nothing greedy about it at all. It was normal.

To wish for the happiness of the person you loved.

To feel as if you wanted to become a little closer to them.

The anxiety of not knowing what to do.

Alice herself had also felt similar emotions.

‘I get the same way too.’

‘…..You do?’

‘Yeah.’

Nodding yes, she closed her eyes.

—She wondered why. Whenever she was with Peter, she felt the same atmosphere as those gentle Sunday afternoons.

Her smiling sister, and the acceptance she had felt despite the feeling of disquiet she had had when with her.

When she was with him, she became conscious of the space that should have been dearer to her than anything else. Though she should have known herself that there was no longer any going back.

‘But…..if you suddenly grow distant, it makes me more anxious instead.’

She wanted to wrap her arms around his red clad back. That was what she thought, but she held herself back.

She mustn’t hug Peter back. If she did, he would respond.

Because if she embraced the White Rabbit, after that, Alice wouldn’t know what to do.

‘I told you before, that I’ll be at Heart Castle until the Assemblies are over. While I'm here, if you keep avoiding me like now, even I’d feel sad.’

Because we’re friends.

It was different from being best friends. Although it wasn’t the same, Alice was aware that the affection she felt for him was the kind you felt for the person closest to you.

But, this wasn’t love. She didn’t want to think that it was love.

She liked him, and he was important to her but—she didn’t want her feelings to become that sort of emotion.

‘Be like you were before. And I'll do the same.’

‘…..Alice…..’

‘Alright?’

Moving back a little, she put her hand to his white face. As she wiped away the dirt that was still on it, Alice smiled.

‘I’m by your side right now, aren’t I? Peter.’

She musn’t let this white and too pure Rabbit love her, who was not pure at all.

She didn’t want to dirty him. She wanted him to stay pure.

But, she did want to know what he was thinking. She wanted to know why his thinking had become cowardly, why he’d suddenly grown afraid despite clinging to her so often in the past.

Though once she did know, the things Alice could do wouldn’t amount to much. Even so, to repress her desire to know would require considerable effort on her part.

Once she found out the truth, Alice would doubtless make another mistake. That was why she forced down the anxiety and doubts she felt inside her.

‘Don’t distance yourself from me, Peter.’

That's right, if they could maintain the same distance as before, she would be fine with that.

Because if she were to get any closer to such a white being, she would surely taint him.

[decks-writing-blog]

Here to Stay Drabbles: Cat

Summary: Benrey and Gordon go to the shelter to adopt a cat.

[A/N] Remember how I mentioned thinking about starting a drabble request fic as a sequel to Whatever the Fuck Benrey Is? Well I'm doing it. Here's the link to the fic on Ao3, request rules and guidelines are at the bottom.

~

Tuefort had a single animal shelter. As expected from being the only animal shelter in town, it was fairly large. Inside was clean but of course smelled of animals. The dog’s barking could be heard from inside the cat room; a large room with a row of cages on the wall containing cats of all shapes and sizes.

The only non-human or alien animal Benrey had ever interacted with in person was Sunkist. So by default that made him a dog person, right? Because he liked her. But Gordon wanted a cat and having never seen a cat in person before, he wanted to try it.

Approaching the nearest cage containing a cat, he phased his hand through the bars to pet the large fluffy black cat inside. The sign said his name was Midnight, an appropriate name given his fur colour. Before Benrey could make contact though, Midnight hissed, his fur puffing up to make him look twice as large as he pulled back into the corner of the cage.

Pulling his hand back, Benrey turned his head to look at Gordon. “That means he’s angry, right?” He hadn’t done anything though so why was the cat mad at him?

“Eh, maybe but probably he’s just scared. When you’re reaching out to pet an animal, try to let it sniff you first before touching it. Also uh… maybe be a bit careful about sticking your whole hand through the bars, there’s a security camera in here so… yeah, just be careful.”

Right, yeah, because Benrey had be careful about not being caught as a non-human lest problems with Black Mesa or the government arise as a result. It was the one downside to being free. Worth putting up with for sure but still kind of annoying sometimes. Like now when he wanted to touch the cats but couldn’t with the cage bars in the way.

Having already scared one cat, he moved onto the next one. The sign in front of the cage said her name as Lucky and that she was a tortoiseshell – an odd name for a cat breed as she looked nothing like a tortoiseshell. This time he stuck his fingers through the bars, only phasing through a little to get them a bit deeper in. Lucky sniffed his fingers and… also hissed before swatting at his hand. Not hard and not with much claws but enough to make clear how she felt about him.

Benrey retrieved his hand and moved on to the next cage. … Another hiss and a puff up. Same with the one after that. “I don’t think cats like me.”

Gordon had wondered over to look at the cats on the other side, keeping his wrapped up gun hand held close to his chest. He’d stuck the fingers of his other hand through one of cages, allowing the cat inside to rub up on him. He looked up at Benrey, his smile turning into a slight grimace. “I guess I didn’t think about that. Since you’re not human, you probably smell funny to them so they don’t like you. Maybe this wasn’t the best idea.”

“Nah, let’s keep looking. Maybe we can find one that uh… doesn’t have a sense of smell or something.” They were cute and Gordon had seemed excited by the idea of having one as a pet when he’d brought it up. And it seemed like a fun idea to not be the only being in the house capable of purring.

And so Benrey set back to approaching the cages, sticking his fingers in to let the cats sniff him. The hissing, puffing up, and occasional swatting – a couple times with claws that drew blood, easily healed of course but the insult still stood – continued. The cats truly didn’t like him. It was… a humbling experience. He was a cool fun guy and yet even the kitties that were overtly friendly with Gordon, hated him. Or as Gordon had put it, were afraid of him and thus got defensive when he approached.

After checking with about half the cats, Gordon chimed in with, “I’d suggest maybe getting a dog instead but they’d probably react the same way. A fish tank or a bird or something like that might work. I’m not sure how to take care of anything other than a cat really though so… maybe for now, it’s time to give up on getting a pet.”

Benrey might’ve been willing to give up too; four-legged animals were cute and nice but he didn’t feel a particular need to live with one, especially since he already had a perfectly good pet in Gordon. But Gordon sounded so disappointed and it was partially Benrey’s fault because the cats didn’t like him.

Sunkist hadn’t liked him at first either though. She’d growled and barked at him. Tommy had had to tell her that he was chill which had settled her some. By the third time they’d met, she’d gotten used to him though and now she seemed to like him as much as anyone else. So…

“Maybe they just gotta get used to me? We could adopt one that likes you and then uh… just live with it for a bit and see if it starts to not be afraid of me? I spend a lot of time in the gaming room anyway, especially when you’re off at work. It could have the living room and rest of the house and stuff.” Cats were small and thus could easily avoid him, especially if he let them. So they could surely live in the house together without it being a problem perhaps even if it never started liking him.

Gordon perked up a little. “You think that would work?”

Benrey shrugged. “Dunno, maybe. Could always give the cat to someone else if it don’t. Tommy mentioned he was thinking about getting a cat too, remember?” More accurately he’d mentioned thinking about trying to create the perfect cat, much like how Sunkist was the perfect dog. But surely adopting and caring for a normal cat would serve as good research for such a project.

“Hmm… Tommy did say that, huh? So I guess, let’s text him and ask if he’s all right with that plan first and then pick out one of the cats that hate you less than the others if he is.”

Benrey pulled out his phone and scrolled to his text conversation with Tommy. He quickly typed out their idea before hitting ‘Send’. Thankfully it didn’t take long before the response came. ‘Sure. As long as it plays nice with Sunkist. So pick one that will get along with dogs.’

After sending a quick thumbs up emoji, Benrey pocketed his phone and looked back up at Gordon. “He says he’s cool with it long as we get one that’ll get along with Sunkist.”

“Makes sense.”

With their options limited to the cats who had ‘gets along with dogs’ as part of their bios on their little plaques, it didn’t take long to find a suitable candidate. A black and white adult cat, listed as a domestic short hair who responded well to Gordon and only hissed at Benrey’s hand before puffing up a little and moving to the back of the cage to avoid him. Her plaque listed her name as Tux but since they were allowed to change that…

“Even though she doesn’t like me do I still get to name her?” That had been Benrey’s first question when Gordon had brought up the idea of getting a cat and he’d been given a ‘yes’. The cat not liking him maybe changed that though.

“Of course. I’m uh… not great at names anyway. Got something in mind or…”

“Cait Sith.”

“After the uh… Final Fantasy cat that rides the… thingy?”

“Moogle, yeah. She’s got the right colours.” Not that that was the deciding factor as Benrey would’ve likely wanted to name her that regardless of her colouring as Cait Sith was the best video game cat. Not that he knew many video game cats as dogs appeared in games far more often. Making Cait Sith the best kind of by default but Benrey still liked him so he was naming their kitty after him.

“All right, Cait Sith it is then. Let’s go fill out the paperwork and then… hope for the best, I guess.”

Two Weeks Later