#this one also suffers from lack of meaning lack of impact now imo :(

[hinamie]

So remember me in a softer light

[randomgirlyoudontknow]

No one will probably read this, but as a long-time fan of ATLA (as in, I literally watched the show as it aired in 2005-2008), I wanted to share my thoughts on the live action. Let it be known that I am far from an ATLA purist––the original certainly had its own flaws and aspects that didn't age well, in retrospect. Despite the generally negative reviews I've seen from the fandom, I was actually very satisfied with this adaptation! But I’ve seen people saying that the characters were butchered, that it’s a soulless and superficial reproduction, and those who liked the live action aren’t capable of thinking/watching critically, which I wanted to push back against (I mean, I’m working on a doctorate in literature…I am quite literally incapable of watching anything uncritically).

The shift in tone to a darker, more mature one was a positive change, imo. It is definitely a much angrier show than the original, even if some of the characters were not as fiery as they should have been (*cough* Katara *cough*). Overall, while there were certainly decisions made that I didn't agree with (mainly related to pacing and narrative), I thought the cast and crew really captured the spirit of the original, and even added depth and nuance to parts I felt were initially lacking.

In general, I really appreciated the added emphasis on the cost and suffering of war and imperialism, as well as the depiction of the physical effects of bending. Now, I realize this is largely a matter of personal preference––for example, I'm very interested in depictions of war in fiction (I mean, my dissertation partially covers the impact of WWI on avant-garde art & literature, so...). But I've seen several claims that the live action glorifies war and violence in a way that is meant to traumatize the viewer, and I simply don't think that's true? While the original handled war, genocide, trauma, etc. in a phenomenal way for a kid's show in the early 2000s, it was also still sanitized when it comes to death and injury, to an extent that I feel like we, the viewers, almost lose sight of the fact that bending KILLS. Sure, we were exposed to its after effects, like the death of Katara and Sokka's mother or Zuko's scar, but there's something to be said actually seeing and acknowledging the very palpable danger that something like firebending presents.

I've even seen someone say that the show's depiction of "gratuitous violence" constitutes a "profound misunderstanding" of the source text, which I think is frankly a bad faith take. The death and violence, though more realistic, is still not a major focus of the show, nor is it glorified in any way. A glorification of violence would look like indiscriminate killing and maiming for the sake of edginess (looking at you GOT). We would see graphic depictions of death and injuries, which simply does not happen in this show (they even joke about the fact that we never see anyone die in Ember Island Players). War and fighting are still treated with the same depth and gravity as the original, only this time, the severity of its consequences isn't obscured from the viewer.

I also thought the show's handling of trauma (especially Katara's) was excellent. The choice to have Katara's mom's death revealed in flashbacks (specifically when around firebending) was something that really stood out to me. And the new characterization of Bumi, which I realize was quite unpopular, was another change I quite appreciated. His bitterness and cynicism seemed more in-line with someone who had endured 100 years of war and the suffering of his people at the hands of a brutal imperial force. Lastly, I was pleased to see the narrative attempt to address the role Iroh played in the Siege of Ba Sing Se (something that was absolutely missing from the original). The Earth Kingdom soldier confronting him and calling him a butcher was a powerful moment, for me. I truly hope the show continues to dive into this aspect of his character in future seasons.

Speaking of characters, I loved that we got extra background and insight into several of the characters. Zhao, for example, was unexpectedly quite funny, and his actor really did a phenomenal job of fleshing him out and making him feel like a real person (as slimy and smarmy as he was) rather than a stock, cartoon villain. And I have to give kudos to the actors who played Sokka and Zuko––they both did an incredible job of embodying their respective characters, in a way that felt highly reminiscent of the original. In particular, I thought the handling of Zuko's backstory was truly outstanding––perhaps even better than the original.

All in all, I felt the live action did a really nice job of balancing the darker sides with the light. While I've seen fans complaining that the show doesn't have the same goofiness and lightheartedness, I actually thought the humor worked really well––it was one of the few times I felt the overly ironic, Joss Whedonesque one-liners actually fit. Sure, the humor was a lot drier and more toned down than the original, but I nonetheless thought it carried the show's spirit well (loved that they let Sokka say “ass” not once, but twice). There were moments when I genuinely laughed out loud! I also appreciated how, despite the more mature tone, hope, friendship, and harmony still remained the most important aspect at the end of each episode.

There's a lot of room for improvement, but I was overall very satisfied with the live action, and I'm very glad that the series has been renewed. I'm very excited to see what the cast and crew does with the rest of the show!

[sudoscience]

Finished The Indigo Disk last night, so time for some more PokéThoughts:

For costing more than half the price of the base game, I feel like the story could have been longer. I'm certainly not done playing the DLC yet (still haven't caught the Loyal Three, for example), but I finished the story in ~2 days. The base game probably took me about a week? To be fair, I did start the DLC with a full team of Lvl 100 Pokémon, so that probably saved me a lot of time.

Similarly, for being called "The Hidden Treasure of Area Zero", you really don't spend that much time in Area Zero. Again, this is likely due to having a late game, high level build. Part of the reason it took longer in the base game is because you don't have Koraidon, so you can't just jump and fly to get where you need. Also, I just immediately used the warp point to get to Research Station 4 instead of walking through all of Area Zero again. I hope I didn't accidentally skip any fun interactions, but with how much Game Freak tries to railroad you into doing the plot how they want you to (see my previous post about the DLC), I feel like if there were any cutscenes there, then you just wouldn't be able to use the warp points for... reasons.

That being said, what time you do spend in Area Zero is just as awesome as the first time you go there in the base game. The new music is great, too.

Speaking of new music: Celestial (Remix by Toby Fox)?! Leave it to Toby to make an Ed Sheeran song actually good, I guess.

Performance wise, it's comparable to the base game, maybe slightly better? Only clipped into a mountain once. Haven't noticed any other glitches so far, but it does occasionally seem to run a bit sluggishly. (And it continues to suffer from a lack of voice acting.)

Koraidon can fly now!!! Wish there was an option to invert the y-axis, but it can fly!!! Also, you can BE your Pokémon now!!!

Spoilers?

I like how they tell you Blueberry Academy is in Unova, but it's not, like, attached to it at all. It's just an island. They could have said any region, and it would have had negligible impact, imo. (But I am saying this as someone who hasn't actually played Gen V, so maybe there were things I missed.)

Well, okay, I think it did have one effect. I haven't played B/W, but I know Unova is supposed to be based on America, so when one of the NPCs mentions "BBQs", I was like, "Oh, that's cool. They have barbecues here instead of picnics." Nope! Stands for Blueberry Quests.

Terapagos being tiny when Kieran first pulls him out was the funniest shit

It broke the fucking Master Ball?! It can do that?!

Still not sure I really understand how the Stellar Tera Type works. I know it's not every type at once. I'm not sure how that would work either. Wouldn't they just cancel each other out?

I don't feel like the game did the best job of communicating how much time had passed. Carmine (and later, Kieran) always being like, "You really kept me waiting". I literally did not??? But also, Kieran saying, "I looked up to [Player] for so long", meanwhile I'm pretty sure that, at most, one in-game week has passed since I first met him. I guess if I had played the first part when it first came out, it would've felt like a longer time. (It was probably supposed to be at least a few months in-game.)

Also makes it a little hard to buy into his motivation being his desire to beat me in battle. Wait, maybe that makes it more believable, actually. "You're still bitter about that?" "Yeah? It was just last week..."

But, again, I would be perfectly happy to let him have Ogerpon. He has a personal connection to it! If I keep it, it's probably just going to stay in one of my boxes. (It is pretty cute, though.)

Despite the lack of hugs, I found the ending acceptable. I do still wish you could have hugged Kieran, though. Or at the very least, when he says, "Can we be friends again?", you should have been able to say something like, "What do you mean 'again'? We're still friends!"

[bigskydreaming]

Part of why I harp on about Last Laugh all the time is because its not just about Dick killing the Joker which is what Jason always wanted someone to do for him, to know that he mattered enough for that......but also when you erase Last Laugh or discard it because it just doesn’t fit into your perception of the characters as fanon has dictated, like.......another huge factor of the Jason-Bruce-Dick dynamic falls by the wayside as well.

And that’s how Jason’s not only always been convinced that Bruce would kill to avenge Dick’s death.....but in ADDITION, Jason has always been convinced that Bruce would be more forgiving of the kinds of actions Jason has taken, aka murder, if Dick had been the one doing it.

Because see....the other thing Last Laugh showed aside from Dick’s feelings about Jason’s death......is that Bruce very much was NOT okay with what Dick had done. Bruce always said he brought back the Joker because he knew Dick wouldn’t be able to live with having done that, but IMO it was NEVER about what Dick could or couldn’t live with, it was about what BRUCE could live with Dick having done.

Because regardless of the Joker being resuscitated.....Dick was still keenly aware of the fact that he’d still beaten him to death first. Jason’s resurrection, Dick being revived after his own death, those never erased the impact of their actual deaths, rendered them moot, and neither did resuscitating the Joker. If Jason died and it matters? Coming back doesn’t make that unmatter. If Dick only was dead for a couple minutes tops, that doesn’t mean Luthor DIDN’T kill him and he wasn’t still dead; he’d still actually died.

The same is true of the Joker’s death, no matter how short-lived it was. Dick still DID it. Dick was still very cognizant of that. Dick actually struggled with this for a number of issues, though I don’t think that really was about regretting what he’d done so much as that he’d let the Joker ‘win’.....AND it was ALSO about how Bruce saw him now.

And IMO you can’t argue that Bruce only resuscitated the Joker for DICK’S sake and because DICK couldn’t live with that.....when Bruce notably, distinctly, NEVER EVER EVER actually....engaged Dick on the topic of what he’d done there. 

Ever. 

He went back to Gotham and never made a single appearance to help Dick process things, even when others like Wally showed up in Bludhaven while Dick was holing himself away from the world. Bruce and Dick literally NEVER spoke of it again. Because Bruce wasn’t okay with what Dick had done. He didn’t know how to forgive him or look past it, so he basically did everything in his power to make it so it basically never happened. 

And the difference with UTRH is....when Jason showed up, by the time Bruce knew it was him, pretending Jason hadn’t done the things that Jason wasn’t the least bit ashamed of was never actually even an option.

So I don’t actually think Bruce is any more inclined to forgive Dick of things like murder because its Dick.....I think Bruce had to force+quit all thoughts of Dick actually killing, in order to preserve his relationship with Dick. 

(Even though his relationship with Dick still suffered, because Dick was still keenly aware that Bruce was not okay with what he’d done, and like, not trying to understand WHY Dick had done it or that he was actually maybe okay with having done it albeit outside of the context of it having played into what the Joker wanted him to do. Like, Dick after Last Laugh still very much angsted about Bruce’s assessment of him after it, and did need that reassurance that Bruce still loved him and forgave him....and what Bruce actually gave him is “I’ll agree to never reference it as having happened and look past it for the sake of our relationship” which is very much NOT the same thing. And with, as I’ve also gone into before, this no doubt being HUGELY central to why Dick was so lost and shaken by his fears of having let Bruce down AGAIN by letting Blockbuster die. These things are absolutely connected.)

The flip side of this is that......I don’t think Bruce was any LESS inclined to ‘forgive’ Jason of murder just because he was Jason and not Dick. In that case, it was just more about the fact that there was no way for Bruce to even TRY to force+quit out of his awareness of what Jason had done. Denial wasn’t going to cut it in the same way it had with Dick, because Dick’s ‘crime’ had been one and done.

But THEN, the flip side of THAT - or maybe we’re just on a tangent now, oh hell, who can keep track, let’s all just agree that flips were flipped and tangents were...tangented - like, the other interesting facet of this for me is if Bruce HADN’T been so intent on forcibly ignoring or forgetting that Dick had killed the Joker, for the sake of their relationship or whatever, or if someone else had brought it up - not only could this have improved Dick and Jason’s relationship, it also could have forced Bruce to confront the logical fallacy inherent in like...his MAIN ARGUMENT for why he was so deadset against Jason’s choices. 

And that all goes back to how Bruce has a tendency to project his own worst flaws onto his children, and be paranoid that they’re going to go down the same dark paths he constantly is trying to keep himself from straying down - ironically in part due to how he uses his childrens’ similarities to him in order to build common ground and see a place and purpose for himself in their lives in the first place. He sees himself in his children, that’s what draws him to them in the first place, and makes him act to bring them into his own life and build a home for them....but there’s a double-edged sword element to this too, as Bruce I think often perceives his worst fears for HIMSELF in his childrens’ actions and choices....and acts based on that. Rather than keeping centered his awareness that for all that they are LIKE him in various ways, they are their own people. As different from him as they are alike.

See, because like....Bruce’s primary reason for why he can’t ever allow himself to kill, even someone like the Joker....is because he KNOWS himself, and knows that if he ever allowed himself to cite precedent by doing it even just once.....he’d open up the door and progress through it past a point of no return, whereupon he’d never STOP being able to come up with justifications for why he should also kill this villain and this one and this one. Its the slippery slope argument. He can’t ever start down that slope, because he doesn’t trust himself to ever stop.

And he projects this same logic onto his children, who he seems so much of himself in....the good AND the bad. And so his fears AND his judgment, for both Jason AND Dick when they kill, even just in one special case....is that it sets them both on the same slippery slope. Because they are after all just like him, right?

But also they’re not....as evidenced by the fact that Dick DOESN’T KEEP KILLING. The Last Laugh is basically an outlier (assuming we don’t count Creighton, which I don’t rate the same because while I think Dick definitely did kill him, it was a clear cut case of self-defense and thus a totally different ballgame). Its significant that Dick killed, not just because he did it, and not just because Bruce didn’t actually ever forgive him for it....but also because...despite Bruce being afraid to face or acknowledge it because of how it played into his own fears for his own worst self and choices.....Bruce facing it is exactly what needs to happen in order for Bruce to ever acknowledge that his actual fears of the slippery slope....DID NOT HAPPEN, with Dick. Dick’s never used what happened with the Joker to cite a precedent, to justify to himself the choice to do that again with another villain he had just as much reason to hate.

And from THERE....once you connect all these dots and all these parallels and contrasts and intersections......its notable not just that Jason has killed, and with intent and without regret....but also that there IS no rationale for taking it for granted that Bruce acts differently with Jason’s crimes than he would if Dick committed them, just because its Jason and not Dick.....because the key difference is not WHICH of them did it, its the CIRCUMSTANCES of them doing it....and Jason’s circumstances not affording Bruce the same luxury of denial.

And then from THERE, finally, the coup de grace at the end of it all:

Is it also makes it equally notable that....just as Dick’s lack of killing again after the Joker, like, establishes a counter argument for Bruce’s fears that such a thing is inevitable once Dick killed even once....and with this fear being WHY he comes down so hard on the topic of even his children killing villains guilty of heinous crimes....

Dick’s lack of killing others after the Joker ALSO establishes a PRECEDENT....for the fact that no, killing someone does not make it IMPOSSIBLE to ever step BACK from that ledge if one so chooses. ‘Pulling the trigger’ as it were, even just once, initially....does not doom one of Bruce’s children to a lifetime of never being anything BUT a remorseless killer who can never choose a different path.

And of course, the fact that Jason killing certain people DOESN’T mean that he can’t ever stop, like....this is actually central to the entire Batfam’s dynamics as a whole?

Because after all.....literally every canon story, continuity or fanfic that has Jason reunite with the family to ANY degree, after having killed....which is like, basically all of them.....

These all take it as a given that....Jason is absolutely fully capable of choosing not to kill. He is not LOCKED into anything, beyond the possibility of having any kind of relationship with his family whatsoever, just because he’s killed....with the proof being like....literally all the stories where he still has a relationship with his family despite having killed previously or even still killing in some circumstances in the present!

The slippery slope does not rule all, is the thing. And the proof that Bruce’s fears of the slippery slope once slipped upon, being a one way street straight the fuck to hell, like.....the proof that that’s more a HIM problem than a hard and fast rule that can only ever play out one way for everybody Bruce see himself reflected in?

That proof literally begins with Last Laugh. With Dick. Paving the way for Jason there, rather than making a case for how actually things with Jason and Bruce would look totally different if it had just been Dick and Bruce there instead.

The second you acknowledge that the comics and most fanfics ALREADY take it as a given that Bruce’s projection of his own fears of the slippery murder slope is like....NOT actually any more of an inevitable death knell for Jason’s relationship with his family than Jason’s own actual death knell meant shit about his own longterm survival.....

Then Dick’s killing of the Joker in Last Laugh becomes extremely relevant not just because of what it reveals about how Bruce’s views on murder and his sons doing the murder is NOT actually conditional, based just on which son it is that does the deed most dirty....

It also becomes extremely relevant because of the precedent it establishes in countering the very argument/view that is central to keeping Jason from having any real relationship with his family until Bruce gets the fuck out of his own and everyone else’s way on this front.

[ghost-in-the-stalls]

Since the hiatus is over, I'm gonna rant a bit about Stand Still, Stay Silent and how the author's take on her new religious views are impacting things.

So if you don't read that webcomic,sorry for this. I'll put it under a read more if it gets long (which it probably will).

So first of all, I'll clarify that these are my views and I know this is a HEATED thing rn and I'll basically just say I'll be willing to like... debate about it with anyone who wants to but I also personally reserve the right to turn off anon/block you if you get nasty with me or if it sounds like you aren't actually interested in hearing what I'm saying so much as spreading your own beliefs around.

Secondly, I want people to understand that I personally am American. I am speaking from an American perspective. I understand that Minna is not American. I may be conflating our experiences in a way they cannot be. However, I also recognize that author intent and audience interpretation are two very different things. With this in mind, I also recognize and understand that intent is nothing when compared to impact. So though I may be speaking from an experience that may not be true at all for Minna, I also recognize that my feelings and perspectives are valid as an American audience member. Something being written by a Finn does not negate the fact that it is available to read regardless of geographic location, and that it's impact will ultimately reach further than just her own bubble. So this post is me speaking about impact on myself as an American audience member, not intent on her part.

First I'll say that the bunny comic - Lovely People - is, in my opinion, objectively in poor quality and taste. Not even taking into account my own views on religion yet. It was very tone deaf about the history of Christianity and oppression and completely ignored how Western Christianity plays a major part in a lot of modern oppression and social problems that the comic tries to address. The pseudo-apocalyptic theme of the social credit system had the potential to be a very interesting and thought provoking direction! Social media has fucked with our society and our mental health in a way that we really need to address!

However, the comic made the Christians the only group we see experiencing oppression from this system in the story. This effectively does two things in tandem. One, it fails to address just how negative of an impact the social credit system would have on us all. Looking around at our way of interacting with the world now, we're still almost all of us suffering for the way things are. We have incredibly high social anxiety, people are encouraged from a young age to conform aggressively to beauty standards and share all their personal details online, and - most notably to my next argument - anywhere an individual lacks privilege is exploited by our society and they are put under a microscope, and are ultimately aggressively punished for being part of a marginalized group. Not born with the physical traits considered acceptable by Western standards of beauty? Tough luck. Not physically or mentally able to participate in the current system in place? Tough luck. Not willing to conform to strict gender roles? Identify as a marginalized gender or sexuality? Not willing to be quiet and secretive about it? Tough fucking luck. But the ONLY group that is shown to be oppressed at ALL in the bunny comic is Christians.

What makes this even more tone deaf is that, Two, it is thus completely blind to how Western Christianity has played a direct and aggressive role in supporting the oppression of these other group in our current fucked up system. I'm NOT saying Christianity is evil or that anyone who practices the faith is bad. Not at all. Religion is, at it's core, a beautiful thing. But the fact stands that MANY people in positions of power have used their Christian beliefs as a tool to oppress others. In America especially (yes I'm speaking as an American and I acknowledge that) Christianity is THE mask used by the far-right and the oppressors to spread their ideologies. Even white supremicists and nationalists ultimately will try to argue that white people and the US are God's Chosen Ones which is why they're TOTALLY RIGHT in doing the terribly things they do.

Making a comic about how a social credit system causes oppression and then showing that oppression as EXCLUSIVELY happening to Christians is not only in EXTREMELY poor taste, it is directly harmful. It is the same message and behavior that a lot of Christians use constantly to gaslight marginalized groups that they are against. "Oh I'm oppressing you? No actually I'M oppressed because I'M CHRISTIAN and you just can't handle the fact that you're going to hell for not repenting for existing!"

Even if those are your true beliefs. Even if you genuinely think that Christians are oppressed and that anyone arguing against you is refusing to repent. Does spreading information in that way really seem effective to you? Does it really seem loving and caring to you? To sit there and talk about how others are always hurting you, but you aren't hurting anyone else at all by telling them they're going to hell for being?

I'm digressing. But my point here is that the comic is in incredibly poor taste, and I genuinely will never understand why people expect non-Christians to take the message of "you're going to hell if you don't conform to my beliefs and also I'm oppressed" positively.

Moving on to Stand Still, Stay Silent...

She has said several times that she does not intend to change the path SSSS has been on from the beginning. This is honestly not comforting whatsoever.

First, this is definitely because - even before the recent developments - SSSS was always very shallow imo. I loved it! Don't get me wrong! But a major part of that love was because I genuinely thought it was building up to something bigger; I thought it was eventually going to go deeper. I now understand that that was never the case. It's a shallow story with a lot of potential that I don't think was ever going to get fully explored.

Now here's the thing. Part of me is really upset about that. What I thought the story was going to be I now see will never happen. But a bigger part of me is frankly happy about that now. Because, like I said up top, intent and impact are very different. If she were to suddenly go unexpectedly deeper than the story has been, I wouldn't trust that there wouldn't be shitty subtext and more of the same tone-deafness as the bunny comic. Whether intentional or not.

And even if she hadn't recently converted to Christianity. The fact that she is someone who is susceptible to these ideas and values tells me what kind of a person she really is anyway, regardless of religious identity. Which, frankly, would mean the subtext would still be shitty. I don't trust it. I don't trust her.

So frankly, people have every right to be suspicious of how SSSS may be impacted going forward. She can say that it won't be all she wants. But either the story will go deeper - like I had always hoped it would - and there would inevitably be an inseparable link between her values and beliefs and the themes of the story, OR the story will never go deeper at all which would mean imo that it would ultimately fall flat as a story.

People are allowed to be disappointed by this. People are allowed to be suspect of how she may potential work harmful themes into the comic going forward - whether intentionally or not. I'm allowed to be wary of this, especially as someone who has had VERY bad experiences with Christians who have tried to tell me the same things she made clear in her bunny comic.

[nanami-says]

Part III (1/2): chapters 19-25

Vs. Mahito Arc

Chapter 19 (aka why this blog exists)

J:”Yeah, we know that. But we flatter her because she looks easy.”

⇒ ”And the three of them know it as well. But they flatter you exaggeratedly anyway because they think you’ll let them do you”

Actually Junpei’s lines.

J:”I can’t believe people like that go to my school.”

Not incorrect, I just want to point out that Junpei didn’t just say “people”, the word he used is “race” (人種）, which implies he doesn’t see them as the same kind of human he is.

J:”Was it that guy who did it? There’s no way a person could do that! If he did it, he must not be human.”

⇒ “Was it that person just now? No, would such a thing be even possible for a human being? And if it was, would they really be a ‘human being’?”

Overall correct but the flow was different. Mind you, 人 can be translated both as “person” and “human being” (among others) depending on the context. Imo this captures the nuance better but YMMV!

N:”I’m here to identify the truth and uphold the law. There was a time when I thought the society had the same goals”

⇒ ”Adapting to the facts [in front of you] and managing yourself accordingly. That’s who I am. There was a time where I mistakenly believed society operated on the same basis.”

This was really hard to translate, especially since the phrase Nanami uses here is rather formal language. I actually checked the official anime subtitles for this one and they went with “I adhere to the facts and judge on that basis”, which I guess is close enough? I’d probably go with it as well if not for the fact that he doesn’t just say 律する but 己を律する (己/onore = I/me in humble language).

Seems like the exact meaning of the phrase is difficult to understand even for Japanese people - there are whole articles out there breaking down the meaning and giving examples of how to implement it in life 8D Anyway, the simplest explanation is “to control yourself”, with further nuance of “enforcing rules on yourself in order to achieve a goal”, “restricting your desires and impulses by your own will” etc.

Thanks a lot, Gege.

Btw, Ino, who respects Nanami greatly and considers him a mentor, actually uses the same phrase, word for word, in ch. 95! (事実に即し、己を律する) That’s how important it is. Also, continuity!

Y:”Let’s do it!”

N:”There’s no need to get excited”

⇒ Y:“Let’s go all out!!”

 N:”No, if moderate’s enough, let’s just do it moderately”

They both used descriptors for just what kind of intensity they should approach the mission with. Imo, an important distinction because after they learn the full extent of the situation, Nanami takes back his words from this moment and agrees with Yuuji, going as far as to use the same words Yuuji did here.

N:”I wonder what others would think hearing you say that”

⇒ “I’m sure the others wouldn’t want to hear that from you [of all people]”

So not so much “don’t be rude” as “dude, you’re the weirdest of them all”. Emphasis mine.

N:”What I learned at Jujutsu High is that jujutsu sorcerers are idiots” 

& “What I realized while at the office is that work is idiotic”

He actually says “shit” both times lol. If it was just the humour that suffered here, it still wouldn’t be too awful but unfortunately it’s not just that. The “sorcerers are shit” line gets recalled when Nanami’s facing death, trapped in Mahito’s domain, which makes it pretty damn important. It gets translated yet differently by the official release then, too, which further damages continuity I believe Gege intended for this.

”So I took the lesser of two evils. Nothing more, nothing less”

⇒ “If both are shit, then I just chose the one I’m more cut out for. That’s all as far as the reason for my coming back is concerned.”

I mean, if we realllllly insist on watering down everything that Nanami says (as JJK translators apparently did), then the basic meaning was conveyed but the original wording and nuance was closer to what I proposed.

N:”Prove to me that you can be useful in spite of the demon Sukuna inside of you”

⇒ “Give your best to prove that you’re useful despite carrying the bomb that Sukuna is.”

Considering how 2 pages later Nanami tells Yuuji that he’s not the one Yuuji should be proving himself to, it’d have been weird if this is actually what he’d said, wouldn’t it. But Nanami’s nothing if not reasonable, so that wasn’t the case.

Y:”I’m weak and useless. I’ve been hearing a lot of that these days”

⇒ “That I’m weak and useless... I’ve been realising that to a painful extent these days”

“I’ve been hearing it” would imply that someone was actually saying it either to Yuuji himself or to others which he was aware of. (I mean, other than Sukuna.) The original wording doesn’t really hold such connotation.

N:”If you think you’re in trouble, let me know”

Y:”Have some faith in me, will ya? Just a little.”

N:”It’s not about faith.(...)”

Y:”A child? I’d rather be underestimated”.

⇒ N:“If you decide you cannot win, please call me.”

Y:”Aren’t you underestimating me too much?”

N:”This is not about ‘underestimating’ or ‘not underestimating’.(...)

Y:”[Even] being underestimated would’ve been better over being treated like a kid.”

I guess the translators wanted to avoid saying “underestimate” 3 times in a row? Albeit that’s what the original does.

More importantly though!!

N:”I’m an adult and you’re a child. I have the obligation to look after you”

⇒ “(...) It’s my obligation to prioritise you over myself.”

Quite a different nuance, right. Not just “I have to look after you” but “your well-being [life] takes priority over my own”.

N:”Experiencing these little losses is what helps people grow into adults”

⇒ “It’s the accumulation of such small despairs that turns people into adults”

Not that wildly different but despairs (hopelessnesses) >>> losses, y/y. Also “helps” made it sound more positive when it’s both a poignant and at the same time dry statement.

Chapter 20

N:”There are techniques that aren’t affected if revealed to certain enemies”

Those two feel more like separate examples to me. I.e. that there are techniques that aren’t affected if revealed, and there are some enemies that you can afford to reveal your technique to. Could apply simultaneously but don’t necessarily have to, if that makes sense?

“There is a merit to revealing one’s hand and the rules it initiates. You can make your technique even more effective.”

⇒ “It has its merits too. The ‘binding’ of ‘revealing one’s hand’ amplifies the effectiveness of your technique.”

Wild lost “binding” appears! Like I indicated before, it’s the lack of consistency to translating terms that are consistent in the original, that has negatively affected the fans’ ability to understand the basics of jjk techniques and world-building.

[Explaining Yuuji’s divergent fist]

GJ:”But it’s a lot easier said than done for anyone else.”

⇒ “It’s not something that can be easily done on purpose”

N:”His physical strength is superhuman. The impact of his hit doesn’t have incredibly strong energy, but it’s still about 20% more than a normal sorcerer. That means his delayed hit comes from his main source of cursed energy. It must be quite annoying for those on the receiving end. Such potential. If he’s able to go out all and combine his full physical strength with a cursed technique…”

⇒ “(...) The initial impact contains little cursed energy but it still achieves 120% of an average sorcerer. And then the actual cursed energy hits with a delay. For those on the receiving end it must be more unpleasant than one could imagine. And he’s got potential for growth, too. If he becomes able to add 100% of cursed energy to a 100% body…”

Uhh, this was a tricky one because on the first read it doesn’t seem that terribly wrong but when you read the original carefully, you realise this and that got lost in translation. My version should be closer to the original meaning.

I:”We’re going to have to ask the murderer about the technique”

⇒ “That’s just something that you can’t know unless you ask the offender about their technique”

Obviously Ieiri wasn’t suggesting to literally ask the murderer.

“However there’s evidence the brain stems were modified. Their consciousness were also modified to create a state of confusion”

⇒ (...) This was probably done to create a disturbance of consciousness... a state of mental confusion”

Slightly different nuance for this one.

Y:”For me, the gravity of death is the same regardless. This isn’t right!”

First sentence is mostly correct but it should’ve been “the gravity of death of another person” (emphasis mine).

Second sentence sounds too mild for what is actually Yuuji being super mad specifically about the way those people were killed? The phrase he uses means something like "This is just in way too poor taste”, “way too vulgar” etc. I guess if you went for a less literal translation, you could say “just too disgusting”/”revolting”.

N:”This matter won’t be taken care of so easily. Let’s do it”

⇒ “Looks like ‘moderately’ won’t be enough here. Let’s go all out.”

This is the instance of Nanami retracting his words and backing Yuuji up by borrowing his own words that I mentioned earlier!

M:”Jujutsu sorcerers brand such entities as “special grade potential spirits” and fear them as much as powerful curses. The fact that they categorize them as such really shows their shallowness”

⇒ “Jujutsu sorcerers register them as “special grade potential apparitions” and remain on alert against them [on alert for their appearance]. The same applies to powerful unidentified curses. That they categorise them as ‘potential apparitions’ just shows how little they truly see.”

It’s not that sorcerers fear them per se but that they (most likely) monitor them and are on guard against them. When followed up by the “what people truly genuinely fear are natural disasters [forces of nature]” conversation, it becomes clear that what Mahito scorns sorcerers for is their short-sightedness for thinking all powerful curses must be born out of people’s imagination, ~urban legends~ etc.

[Junpei asking what Mahito was born from]

M:”Thanks to the hatred spewed between people I was born”

⇒ “I’m a curse born out of the fear and hatred people harbour towards [other] people"

or even

“I’m a curse born out of people hating and fearing people”

Again a quite different nuance. They really shouldn’t have edited “fear” out.

Chapter 21

J:’Don’t you think that whoever first said, ‘The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference’ must be rotting in hell? There’s no way hating people is better than feeling indifferent towards them.”

⇒ “(...) There’s no way that approaching others with evil intentions is better than not interacting [with them] at all”

The first sentence is mostly fine although the original doesn’t include the “is not hate” bit, it only says “the opposite of love is indifference”. The second part is quite different. After all, hating doesn’t necessarily imply there’s any action taken.

“Complicating simple things for the sake of meaning is such a Japanese thing to do”

⇒ “Japanese sure love it - complicating simple answers and gloating in it”

I didn’t like the “for the sake of meaning” bit, imo it’s over-interpreting.

J:”Indifference. That’s what humans should strive for.”

M:”Sounds more like revenge”

J:“Are you saying that I got it all mixed up?”

Junpei’s first line here is fine although interestingly enough he puts it as “a virtue humans should strive for”. Then it’s

⇒ M:“And yet you wish for revenge”

J:”Are you trying to say I’m contradicting myself?”

M:”In this world, only I understand the soul’s composition. I can even transmogrify living beings. Emotions come from the soul. It’s too simplistic to call it ‘heart’. People overthink the things they can’t see. (...)”

⇒ “In this world I’m the only one who understands the soul’s composition. After all, I change the shape of living beings by touching it. Emotions are products of the metabolism of the soul. It’s altogether too mechanical [of a process] to call it a heart. People assign too much value to things invisible to the eye.(...)”

Last one is literally “consider ‘special’ way too much”, simpler wording than what I went with but I tried to make it more legible.

The “metabolism of the soul” phrase is especially vital because Junpei throws it at Yuuji almost word for word when confronted by him at the school after his mother’s death.

More philosophy lessons from Mahito-sensei \o/

“Don’t limit yourself to just being indifferent. There’s no reason to live by such a restricting philosophy.”

⇒ “Don’t allow yourself to be shackled by the ideal called ‘indifference’. There’s no need for there to be consistency in one’s way of life.”

Mahito actually takes the “is ‘consistency’ necessary” stance a few times in the manga, including when he and Getou squabble about the relationship between the body and the soul in Shibuya. A pity about the mistranslation here.

“I support everything you represent, Junpei”

⇒ “I’ll affirm your everything, Junpei”

Imo the act of supporting and the act of affirming while similar aren’t one and the same, hence the change.

N:”Either come alone, or risk bringing Itadori with me. I chose the former, nothing more. He’s still a child, after all.”

⇒ “The risk of venturing [into the enemy’s territory] alone, or the risk of bringing Itadori-kun with me. I simply chose the former. He’s still a child, after all.”

Idk, I feel like cutting out “the risk” from the first option makes Nanami sound more callous? Like Yuuji’s a liability and going by himself is a sounder option. Whereas, it was actually him weighing two risks against each other and deciding that potentially endangering Yuuji is the one he can afford less.

[After Yuuji asks why he doesn’t know important jujutsu related stuff.]

I:”Because Gojou’s your mentor.” ⇒ “it’s because Gojou’s ...”

He actually uses a lovely adjective to describe Gojou, which can mean a plethora of things, including: irresponsible, sloppy, lazy, unreliable, careless, perfunctory etc. etc.

Ichiji? Not a member of Gojou Satoru Fanclub.

Y:”This feels like a bad plan”

⇒ “This feels so staged, I don’t like it.”

Lit. “play [perform, read] one's own work”. I think what Yuuji might’ve meant here was that the plan felt dishonest? Second sentence could also be “I don’t feel up for it.”

Chapter 22

M:”Was that some kind of cursed technique?”

N:”What do you mean by ‘some kind’? I don’t appreciate questions that are left open to interpretation”

⇒ “(...) I hate abstract questions that put the whole burden on the other person”

Lit. “that leave it to others”. Other than Nanami being more straightforward with “hate”/”dislike”, I think this was him expressing he doesn’t like people who don’t even try to think for themselves and immediately demand answers from others instead.

“It would be silly to not assume a connection(...)”

⇒ “It would be more unnatural not to assume a connection(...)”

Different wording (unnatural instead of silly), which imo affects Nanami’s characterisation.

M:”The shape of the body will always be dependent on the shape of the soul”

This sounds a bit too passive and generic? Closer to “The shape of the body gets pulled along by the shape of the soul”, which is literally what Mahito’s technique does.

I’m heavily paraphrasing but!

magazine raw scans: ”it's 6:30 PM now and I started working at 11 AM, so I'm going to finish by 7PM no matter what”

official English release:”it's 5:30 PM now and I started at 10, gotta finish by 6”

The time change is so random, I wonder if Gege simply changed it themselves for the volume release. Maybe to bring it closer to the common office job times? Typical Japanese work day at the office begins at 9AM and lasts 8h + 1h break (completely unpaid but compulsory). I guess if Nanami skipped the break then working 10AM-6PM would make it exactly 8h?

The biggest mystery of jjk.

Chapter 23

M:”Even if sorcerers can protect their bodies using cursed energy, they can’t protect their souls”

⇒ “Even if sorcerers can protect their bodies using cursed energy, they [just] aren’t used to protecting their souls”.

So it’s not that they “can’t” as in “are incapable of” and more that there’s never been the need, so they never learned how and aren’t used to doing it. As proven by Yuuji later it’s not impossible.

M:”Overtime? He restricts himself based on time! He was limiting his power until now!”

⇒ “Overtime work? A ‘biding’ based on time! He was suppressing his power by himself until now!”

Another instance where “binding” as a term makes its appearance (it even uses quotation marks) but wasn’t properly denoted by the translators.

M:”A large-scale attack, and he doesn’t care if he gets hit while doing it!”

⇒ “A large-scale attack [done] with the resolve of [potentially] getting killed along with me!”.

The phrase Mahito uses here is 相打ち, lit. “killing [hitting] each other at the same time”. Also, “doesn’t care” and “is prepared/has the resolve” are quite different, aren’t they.

Chapter 24

J:”The way a perfectionist is willing to lay everything out there is beautifully portrayed”

⇒ ”The change in emotions [leading up] to a perfectionist abandoning everything is properly portrayed here”

I’m including this because knowing Gege, it’s not just simple movie talk, and it’s actually foreshadowing Yuuji’s future fate or something 8D

I can’t decide if it’s “abandon” (also “throw out of the window”) or “sacrifice” because the word used can mean either. I’m leaving that to everyone’s interpretation.

“Like I thought, that sorcerer’s nuts!”

⇒ “He doesn’t look it but he sure does reckless things, that sorcerer”

How does "he doesn't look it but (...)" even become "like I thought (...)"? He was laughing at and enjoying the contrast between Nanami's appearance/attitude and his actions/fighting.

M:”My cursed energy is also controlled by my will”

⇒ “The spending of cursed energy too is among things I can supply by myself.”

I’m not entirely sure because it’s a tricky one, so take this one with a grain of salt. But the official release is definitely missing “spending/expenditure” and Mahito isn’t talking about using/manipulating his cursed energy in general but “the amount of cursed energy spent”.

“Mr. Irresponsible Gojou” ⇒  “Devil-may-care Gojou-san”

“Mr. Mature Nanami” ⇒ “The adult of [all] adults Nanami-san”/”the adult above all adults”

I just really enjoy Ichiji and his little epithets, I guess.

J:”Have you ever killed anyone?”

⇒ “Have you ever killed a human being/another human?”

Just putting it out there because imo there's a distinction between “anyone” and “a human being”. Especially considering how much of this arc was questioning what being a human means.

Y:”Um… I mean, the choice to kill will definitely find its way to me”

⇒ "How to put it... once I've killed someone, "killing" would become one of the possible options [to take] in my life".

Maybe the nuance was there in the official release too and I just didn't pick up on it but to me the former makes it sound more like he’s saying "I may still have to kill one day". Whereas the original seems to hold the connotation that if you do something once - even if it’s something as horrible as killing another human being - it becomes easier to do it again in the future because it's a choice you've made before, it's not untouchable anymore.

Chapter 25

[Yuuji expressing his regret over Nanami choosing to go fight Mahito alone.]

"Am I in your way, Nanamin?”

⇒ “Am I a burden [to you], Nanamin?”

A different nuance for this line.

“’My friend died but I wasn’t there because I’m a child.’ I wouldn't do that to you. That said"

⇒ "’My comrade died. But I wasn’t there. Why? Because I am a child.’ I would hate something like that" [to be put in such a position]

And this is just pure mistranslation. The whole “my comrade died but I wasn’t there because I’m a child” line is actually Yuuji painting a possible scenario (he does it with short sentences but the speech is overall polite). What they translated as “that said” was actually a follow-up to that scenario and could be translated as “something like that”.

N:”Being a child is not a bad thing”

⇒ “Being a child is in no way a crime”

I wanted to point this out since the original word’s most common meaning is actually “sin”, which is significantly heavier than just “not a bad thing”. Could also go with a milder “is not something to feel guilty about” here I guess.

G:”How’s the curtain coming along?”

M:”Can’t get in, can get out. This only applies to humans with weak cursed energy.”

⇒ G:”What’s the effect of the ‘curtain’?”

M:“Can't get out from the inside, can get in from the outside. (...)”

Literally the opposite for the curtain’s effect. Emphasis is Gege’s, too! Also Getou’s question was actually about how exactly the curtain in question would work, and not just how it was coming along.

M:”We’ll make them fight and force Yuji Itadori to make a binding vow in Sukuna’s favor”

Just to reiterate, whenever “binding vow” appears, it’s actually just “binding”.

[to part iii (2/2)]

[to part iii (2/2)]

[enzo-zzz]

A vent on the fandom + cg

If you dont wanna hear any negativity, please just ignore this post. It includes dissatisfication on the yttd fandom and ongoing belief in it. I'm not going to use very kind words here, so just ignore this post. 3b spoilers included.

I like yttd so much, but the english fandom, i cannot interact because how toxic it is. Even the smallest different of which route you choose, will attract anyone to abuse, harrass, ridicule or humiliate you. And to be truth, there are many of them who are so judgemental, to the point that there is only one thing that are right and the other are wrong. Black and white mindset. The term "canon route" is what fans created itself. I guess there are many of them who are teens or kids, since most of kids who havent grown up yet tend to lean towards black and white mindset, even if they believe they are not. If you find people who keep arguing especially on social media, you can bet that its teens. Adult are too tired to involve in things like fighting with strangers. There is one time when the poll asked your age and the age range quite small to teens age. I guess thats why i think so.

OTHER THAN THAT, THERE'S ONE THING I'M ANNOYED WITH. ABOUT THE CG AND HOW THE FANDOM DECIDES THAT THE MORE CGS, THE MORE CANON IT IS. To be perfectly honest, i'm the one who came up with the analysis that on certain route 2-2 ending the cg is more. But people really use it the wrong way and now thought that anything that has more cg is the canon route. The word canon route is wrong in itself, who tf come up with the term canon route in yttd? Is the reason for creating two route is for one to be canon only, or for sparing different characters, or for having different storyline? (I personally think that on different route, the story will change and the ones who got to live at last is probably different ). Now i see those who misuse that information everywhere. "In sou route 2-2 ending evil joe AI dont even have new cg but in kanna route he has. See how biased the devs are? he should have drawn more if he really meant the route to be the canon one. Kanna route will get happy ending, sou route is bad ending." I think thats stupid. B*tch, he keep reusing his old art here and there. You can check for yourself. Joe and midori has same hand based on the cg? He's just reusing the hand art. The arm in 3b and 1-1 is the same arm he reuse. Sou and kanna 2-2 ending basically use the same sou drawing, he just changed it a bit. Sara in 2-2 kanna ending use the same cg as when keiji try to calm her in front of computer, he just changed the face. Midori and sara on the 3b game screen cg basically use the same cg in the 3b content, but changed a bit. So i can think why need to create new cg when joe is still malicious as the hallucination in 2-2 sou ending? If i want to create something i will also reuse this to save my time.

So if you wanna really use this cg argument, then maybe you can consider why alice memory game got so many more cg than reko's? and how ranmaru gone insane has so many new sprite and pose with the hair like that. And why when dummy is dead they got cg's. Especially the ranmaru dying one, he got moving cg's and how it was put more effort into that. Then that means dummy dying is actually the canon route since when they alive they got no addtional cg? This is my assumption, but i think the devs just do as many cg as it takes depends on how impactful the scene he's working on, not because its canon, thats really a lazy take if he is actually unwilling to do extra route but still forcing himself to do it anyway. Imagine if dummy is dying but no cg, instead a message " ranmaru/mai/anzu died ". Do you think that will really give impact to you? This game clearly hinting that joe is going to be the spotlight of the game, even in 3b. So when sou set the real joe ai in kanna route for sara, the script is written for the real joe to genuinely react to sara. of course thats going to be heartwrenching since joe himself is the very important part of sara's life. When the script is made that way, lacking of cgs will hamper down the storytelling nankidai genuinely want to deliver. All i can say is it come from the heart of the author himself. If it is just only text for something as tearful as that moment and no cgs, it wont really touch the feeling isnt it? It is the same with alice memory game that tells about how alice "kill" midori. I'm not sure how many it is but atleast there is 3 cgs with one of them has variant. The story of how alice kill midori is also important and should have impact, thus the extra CG's. I can say its about being passionate and indulged in the storytelling.

I dont even know if joe will ever heal sara in sou route, but based on how the story still keep joe relevant til the end, then there must be something that need to happen between them in the end right? Nankidai even made sure that sara see the dog keychain in 3a if player probably choose to not ask gin about the dog keychain he's hiding in ch 2. Its also for relating ranmaru and joe. Having closure or conclusion with joe in the middle of game is still valid, and having a closure with joe at the end of the game is still valid. Imo, having closure with joe at the end of the game after all of those suffering involving him makes the better climax or impact for sara chara development since the game build up to highlight joe and mr. Policeman, it can be even better if all of it are to be pull together in the ending.

Even if the devs has route he prefer, he's not abandoning any route he less prefer, only if its true that he ever have a route he prefer. Plus you dont know which route he's prefer if any. He's taking his work seriously, it just some "fans" looking down on him, even to the point calling him biased, he's punishing the one who take another route, treating like he only use his career for egostatiscal reason (it somehow clearly mirrors that you are the one who egostatiscal to the point of wanting to find any excuse to punish other, you just using the devs name to validate your mindset). If he's dislike people who chose that route that much, then why create that route? If he know its tiring to make alternate route, then why still make the choice to let 3 dummy alive route at the end? It will make more work. I can only assume its out of passion, or just that he deep down wants the character to be alive atleast in a route ( idk if this is correct, i just read google translated version of his public fanbox that he's actually very reluctant at first when the time comes and "crying" so hard when he had to kill joe in chapter 1. So the part where he wants to spare some character is only my assumption ). By this punishing logic, shouldnt he not make alice die when you push reko ai to spare gin, and only do it to those who dont push the ai to save gin by killing real reko? I am more sure that the variants is to tell a different story or who to spare, and specifically for who sara actually was.

Happy endings? I'm not sure. I've expected that once from story with a lot of deaths, wishing for atleast the protagonists alive. Anime or story with a lot of death is definitely my jam, but from what i see, most of them has bittersweet ending, it depends on how the author wants it to be. Some author dont mind killing them all till the end, and some author just easily kill them all because they plan to revive them later. And everyone sense is different. Some japanese people sense in storytelling is a bit different imo. As the one being the audience, happy endings is the most common wish the audience wants. But its all up to the sense of the author. This is why i'm annoyed with some kids from overseas who rarely watch or play many things that involves a lot of death from japan suddenly says that this "one happy ending, this one bad ending! Everyone will survive in this route, everyone dead in this route"

Just play any route you like, nothing wrong with that. Whats wrong is to start this war of ridiculing others or have that irritating attitude towards those who play their own first route and start bad mouthing or desperately throwing bad assumption that one route will end very bad just for the sake of feeling better for your choice and to scare others.You do know that when you read a book, you'll only know if the overall story is good or bad until you know the ending right? The ending will conclude everything that happened. What happening in the fandom is now like, you only read 3/4 of the book and already expecting that this one will have good ending and bad ending. What if its not about the binary, but for the difference in direction? Its not that bad if the story of the book is kinda predictable, but with how plot twists become the main part of yttd's charm, its getting more difficult to predict how it will end. There's a lot of story which was masterpiece in every part as seen by fans, until the ending hits. Its what the author wants, but its not what the fans wants.

If you pick fights with others, even passively, the consequence is all on you. Good luck taking care of your mess.

Thats why i'm reluctant to publish any theory because the fandom will always use it as an excuse to pick fights with other and say " i'm more right bcs i got this proof" . U see in my caption i dont want any of those harasser to even digest my theory. If you are one of them get out of my blog.

[tibby]

Hey, what are your thoughts on Homer?

my feelings on homer, as with my feelings on most simpsons characters, are tied to the golden era specifically, as i don’t really consider the later season an accurate representation of who they are. also, i think homer, moreso than the others, is meant to be overly comedic, as opposed to a realistic representation of anyone. i know that it’s kind of the go-to now, but back then, homer’s oafishness was MEANT to be different and startling when compared to other fictional fathers.  with that in mind, let’s get into my problematic fave:

just objectively, there would be no show without homer. he may not be my favourite character, but he’s always been the most iconic one of them all, and with the possible exception of bart, he’s the one that has had the biggest impact on pop culture. i’ve seen people say that they should just write him off because he’s a terrible husband or whatever, but the show simply wouldn’t exist without him. and yeah, maybe the show shouldn’t still exist, but homer is hardly the problem with it.

this doesn’t really change the fact that there’s a lot of problems with the way homer is written, especially now. yes, he’s always been a stupid alcoholic with a temper, but they’ve twisted him into something cruel and malicious, with NO redeeming qualities. the thing that was always endearing about homer was that he had a good heart. even though he made thousands of mistakes and sometimes went too far, the guilt he felt would always catch up with him, and he’d always try to clean up the mess he caused (even if he needed help to do that). and it didn’t just extend to his family - i mean, look at when flanders failed. peak homer selfishness, but it very quickly became him going out of his way to help someone. he’s ignorant of other people’s feelings and he’s an act first, think never, kind of guy, but he tries. he tries to be a good husband, be a good dad, be a good friend. he loves marge with every single part of him. he works a job he hates and suffers abuse from his boss because he wants to provide for maggie. he doesn’t understand lisa and accidentally hurts her feelings because of this, but she’s his favourite person in the world and he’ll always go above and beyond to make her smile. even bart, who homer treats the worst of the kids (although the show itself and bts stuff has said they never really intended to push an abusive narrative, it’s just what audiences found funny), is also his partner in crime, and homer has repeatedly risked his own life in attempts to make bart proud of him. he’s aware of his shortcomings, and knows he doesn’t really deserve his family, and so he keeps trying to be better, so he can be good enough for them. underneath the alcohol and the anger issues and the lack of brain cells, homer loves his family. he always has.

and it’s such a shame that the rise of jerkass homer has forgotten that entirely. the showrunners claim to be aware of the criticisms, and yet they do very little to fix it. homer is no longer the deeply flawed but ultimately very loving man he once was. homer has become an abusive alcoholic who went from being your typical sitcom idiot to a brainless slob, a man who is aware of the feelings of his friends and family, but just doesn’t give a shit about him. golden era homer was 30% jerkass homer and 70% decent homer, and that’s what made him work. homer now? about 95% jerkass. the simpsons went from making fun of family guy and south park with their blatant homer ripoffs (who are basically his evil counterparts), to making him just as bad as randy and peter. homer, imo, is the perfect example of what’s gone wrong with the show: they’ve sacrificed heart for jokes, and the jokes aren’t even fucking funny. 

homer’s enemy started as a simple idea: how would your average person react to someone like homer simpson? grimes, not cut out for the sitcom world, is driven insane by homer’s incompetence and unearned privileges, and dies as a result. but the episode makes it clear that although grimes might be the realistic one here, he’s also kind of an asshole. he only sees the worst parts of homer. he doesn’t care that homer is well meaning and creative and wants to be his friend. he’s made homer out to be an alcoholic slob with nothing good to offer the world, and that’s all he sees. and i think that’s all the showrunners see when they look at homer these days.

homer is the icon of the show, the hands, the man that gets the plot started and keeps the action moving. he’s meant to be unrealistic and meant to be the most over the top and comical of the family. but he’s also meant to be a good man at heart that loves the people around him. and that’s why marge stays with him, why his kids still adore him, why his friends think he’s a good guy. they’re able to remember his positive attributes, even in the face of all his overwhelming flaws.

and it’s a shame that the writers no longer seem able to remember the same.

[duggardata]

Apparently, Jinger Suffered A Miscarriage in November

Everything Duggar Data Knows About It, So Far.

ICYMI—Jinger is pregnant, due in November 2020!  She announced via People yesterday.  Sad news came alongside happy, though...  People also shared that Jinger experienced a miscarriage prior to her current pregnancy.

Pregnancy loss now factors into the Predictor, so Duggar Data is trying to figure out as much information as possible about when the miscarriage occurred, and at how far along.  This Post summarizes what I’ve been able to piece together.

Since some may not want to read on...  After the jump.

Fair Warning—This Post is absurdly long.  There’s a TL;DR at the end, if you’re in a hurry!

When Did Jinger Miscarry?

Per Jinger and Jeremy, it happened in November 2019.  (Initially, People simply said it happened “last fall,” which ostensibly includes September to November.  Then, the Vuolos posted on Instagram about the loss, revealing it had occurred in November, specifically.)  Jinger further shared that it happened on a Tuesday; she said she and Jeremy shared the news with family on “Monday evening,” but miscarried “the next morning.”  [Jeremy’s IG Post, Jinger’s IG Post.  Permalinks provided in the text above.]

So, a Tuesday in November 2019...  We’ve already narrowed it down a lot.  The possibilities include only these dates—

Tuesday, November 5, 2019

Tuesday, November 12, 2019

Tuesday, November 19, 2019

Tuesday, November 26, 2019

Since yesterday, we’ve also been provided two additional data sources, both of which provide further insight into the timing of the miscarriage—

The Counting On Trailer.  TLC announced the new season alongside Jinger + Jeremy’s pregnancy announcement, and dropped the first trailer.  At 0:30–0:46, the trailer features Jinger + Jeremy announcing a pregnancy to Jinger’s family...  The Duggars are gathered at the Big House for “their family fun night,” which is held weekly on Mondays.  The night’s activity was gingerbread house–building.  Skyping in from California, Jinger + Jeremy build a gingerbread version of their family, complete a clearly–pregnant ginger Jinger.

Some have assumed that the ‘Jingerbread’ Announcement was for the Vuolos’ current pregnancy, but it’s clear to me that it wasn’t.  The timing doesn’t make sense.  Jinger is due with Vuolo #2* in November 2020, and she wouldn’t have learned she was pregnant until ~March 2020.  Given gingerbread’s association with fall and the holidays, Duggar Data really doubts that the Duggars decided to do a gingerbread–themed family night in March or April.  Additionally, social distancing due to COVID–19 was well underway by March / April 2020, yet the clip shows a large gathering of not–same–household Duggars.  Notably, Jessa + Ben appear in the clip, and they’ve stated that they’re staying away from the Big House during this time.  Taken together, all of this all suggests that the clip wasn’t recorded in March or April 2020—and thus, can’t be an announcement of Jinger’s current pregnancy.  This must be Jinger + Jeremy announcing their pregnancy that ended in miscarriage in November.

Immediately, I hoped that I could figure out the timing based on which Duggar Ladies were visibly pregnant or which Duggar Babies appeared.  Babygeddon was in full force, after all!  Sadly, this didn’t narrow things down much...  Joe + Kendra were present with Addison (b. 11–2–19), but that doesn’t rule anything out; the earliest Monday in November 2019 was November 4th.  (I’d admit it’s slightly unlikely that Kendra made it to Family Night two day after giving birth, but I don’t think it’s impossible...  They live on the Compound.)  Neither Anna nor Lauren, nor Maryella or Bella, is seen.  Josiah appears, but it that doesn’t tell us much, since Lauren wasn’t in labor on a Monday.  (Bella was born on a Friday after ~2 Days of labor.)

Undeterred, I scoured Duggar Instagrams to see if I could figure out what they did and who attended each Family Night in November 2019.  I also looked for any photos in which a Duggar is wearing the same outfit that’s seen in the clip of the ‘Jingerbread’ Announcement...

Based on this sleuthing, I think we can rule out November 4, 2019.  Per Anna, that Family Night was spent stuffing gift boxes for Operation Christmas Child.  Her Post shows dozens of bright red boxes all over the Big House.  No boxes are seen in the ‘Jingerbread’ Announcement clip, but they probably would’ve been if they were there.  (The gingerbread house building activity appeared to take up the entire living room.)  Plus, I think it’s unlikely that they’d do two big activities in one night.

I wasn’t able to figure out the activities at the other Family Nights that month.

I checked Instagram to see if any Duggar visible in the clip was, e.g., out–of–town, and thus wouldn’t have been present at a particular Family Night.  This search didn’t produce any evidence sufficient to rule anything out.

As for the outfit search, it also didn’t produce many leads...  Only one.  Jessa posted a photo on Instagram on Monday, November 25, 2019, in which she’s possibly wearing the same long–sleeve emerald shirt that she’s seen in in the clip.  So, that points slightly towards November 25, 2019 as the date Jinger + Jeremy announced, and November 26, 2019 as the Date of Loss.

The Vuolos’ Instagram Live.  On May 28, 2020 at 4:00 PM, Jinger + Jeremy did an Instagram Live discussing the pregnancy and earlier miscarriage.  The Live gave us various information, but one fact is of particular relevance, here:  Per the Vuolos, Jeremy’s Sister (Valerie) visited them very shortly after Jinger miscarried.  Apparently, her trip was pre–planned, and it just worked out that she was there during a time when they happened to really need help.

Turns out, Valerie Vuolo has a public Instagram—and lucky for us, she posted about the trip in question.  On November 30, 2019, she put up three Posts w/ photos of her, Felicity, and Jeremy, each one tagged Los Angeles, California.  Even more telling, the first Post included #Thanksgiving, which pretty much confirms that Valerie was visiting for the holiday, which was November 28th in 2019.  Bolstering this further, Valerie actually posted the photos on November 30th, and Jinger commented:  “We miss you already!”  So...  Clearly, Valerie is no longer in Los Angeles, at that point.

Based on all of this, I’ve got a very strong suspicion that Jinger miscarried Tuesday, November 26, 2019—i.e., the Tuesday before Thanksgiving—which means she announced the pregnancy to the Duggars on November 25, 2019.  This is mostly based on the apparent timing of Valerie’s trip, but also happens to line up with Jessa’s November 25 IG Post, in which she’s possibly wearing the same shirt she wore for the ‘Jingerbread’ Announcement.  Also, Tuesday, November 26, 2019 happens to be a day where neither Vuolo posted on IG...  Could be a coincidence, though; they didn’t post on Tuesday, November 12th, either.

Duggar Data plans to use November 26, 2019 as Jinger’s Loss Date, for now.  It’s considered “Not Confirmed.”  I think we can rule out November 4th as the announcement date—so if the Loss Date isn’t the 26th, it must be the 12th or 19th.

Was This Her First Miscarriage?

During the Instagram Live on May 28, 2020, Jinger + Jeremy said “thank you” to their followers for all the support they’d received after announcing Jinger’s miscarriage.  Then, they said something about how miscarriage is something that many couples go through, and Jeremy said:  “We’ve now gone through that.”  Duggar Data took this to mean that Jinger’s recent miscarriage wasn’t something they’d gone through before, which obviously means that this must have been Jinger’s first—and, so far, only—miscarriage.

IMO, it is reasonable to conclude that this was Jinger’s first miscarriage.

How Far Along Was She, At The Time?

So far, there’s no definitive data on this; however, it’s clear that it was early on.  On Instagram Live, the Vuolos—Jinger, IIRC—referred to the baby they lost as one “that the Lord blessed us with for such a short time.”  Additionally, there isn’t any reason to assume that Jinger + Jeremy waited until, e.g., the Second Trimester to announce to her family.  (And we know the loss happened the day after she announced to them.)  With Pregnancy #1, Jinger + Jer announced to their families in November 2017, when Jinger was <6 Weeks Along.  (Felicity’s Due Date was July 20, 2018.)  [Shout–out to @undercoverduggarblog, as well as @pickledchickenetti, for your valiant efforts in piecing together the real–life timeline of Counting On.)

Absent contrary evidence, Duggar Data will assume a miscarriage occurred at Exactly 6 Weeks.  Statistically, 90% of miscarriages occur by Week 6, and the lack of concrete loss dates for several miscarriages forced me to create a rule to ensure uniformity in considering pregnancy loss data.

Impact On The Data

I’ll discuss this in an upcoming Post!  Stay tuned.

TL;DR—

Loss Date   A Tuesday in November 2019...  Probably November 26th.  Duggar Data’s spreadsheet says November 26, 2019, but doesn’t label that as “Confirmed.”  That’s what I’m using, for now.

Due Date   Unknown.  Consistent with a uniform rule, Duggar Data will assume the loss occurred at Week 6, Day 0...  The Estimated Due Date associated with November 26, 2019 is July 21, 2020.  That’s what I will use, for now.

1st Loss?  Seems like it was, yes. 

[isuzukuretsuki]

me before playing blue lions: haha I’m not like ~other girls~ I don’t like Dimitri and I think he’s boring and basic.

me after playing blue lions: I will die for Dimitri.

I finally finished Azure Moon!! Can’t believe it took me 4 damn months to finish this route. Just like with Crimson Flower, I decided to do a very long write up of my thoughts of this route after letting my thoughts marinate for a bit. There will be spoilers for both Azure Moon and Crimson Flower. Also disclaimer: these are just my personal opinions.

Tldr: this route was so fucking good!!!! I jumped ship from being team Edie/BE to team Dimitri/BL faster than Sylvain jumps girlfriends because I enjoyed this route more than Crimson Flower in almost every way possible. The Blue Lions are my KIDS and I will die for each and every one of them. Blue Lions may not be my first route/house, but this is where my heart rightfully lies. 

I guess the first thing I should get out of the way are the negatives. While this isn’t really a complaint about AM specifically and more so the narrative over the entire game... the conflict between Edelgard and Dimitri seems really stupid and contrived. In other games, war happens because the villain is evil. In this game, war happens because the villain is fucking stupid. Basically, I still ain’t convinced that Edelgard’s war was ever necessary LMAO. She straight up nuked the church’s authority and relevancy out of orbit the chapter before the time skip, so she technically already accomplished her goal; why she still feels the need to go on a savage conquest alludes me. 

Speaking of nuking the church’s relevancy out of orbit, that’s exactly what happened to Rhea LOL. Despite all the church goons clamoring every .5 seconds about how they gotta save Rhea, we literally never see her again at all after the time skip, even at the end of the game. It makes no sense why Edelgard would keep Rhea imprisoned and not kill her, especially when Rhea seemingly served no greater purpose to Edelgard and became completely irrelevant in the war phase.

Edie says some mumbo jumbo of “I weighed the victims of this war against the victims of the world and I deem that there will be less victims of war” like bitch, how??? How do you tangibly quantify “victims of this world”. If she means “people who had a shitty life because of shitty society”, then those people are always going to exist because every society has its flaws. Even if you change society, you aren’t decreasing that number because you’re only solving problems by creating new ones (Edelgard’s specialty). Also the mental gymnastics you have to do to be tortured by an evil organization only to team up with said evil organization to take down another organization that, unless I missed something, isn’t even directly responsible for the death of all your siblings??? In both CF and AM, Edelgard comes off as incredibly thoughtless and illogical in her actions and I can’t help but feel that if she had been just a little bit more diplomatic, then maybe, just maybe, she could have found a better solution without starting a bloody war.

This brings me to the god forsaken chat between Edelgard and Dimitri. Dimitri demanding to know why Edelgard started the war only for her to go “it was the only way” has about the same narrative weight as “Riku why did you become one with the darkness?!” “Because I’m the worst”. Instead of bitching about whose ~ideals~ are better, how about y’all sit down and actually discuss what each person wants to accomplish and maybe figure out a way to accomplish these goals without murdering each other over it? Not that I think Edelgard would accept anything BUT murder, but jesus, this is why you don’t leave diplomatic matters to actual children.

Speaking of why you don’t leave diplomatic matters to children, god that Gronder battle. I get that it’s supposed to be an epic showdown between the three houses that mirrored the mock battle pre time skip but... the Kingdom had literally NO reason to fight the Alliance!!! The reasons they provided to justify why the Kingdom and Alliance couldn’t team up at Gronder was so fucking dumb, especially when two chapters down the line, Claude is knocking at our door begging for help. I will say tho, I never knew how much I appreciated himbo in distress Claude until now lmao.

Rodrigue's death was also really poorly done imo. As much as I liked having Dimitri’s father figure be the one to snap him out of his insanity, (I love found father/son relationships...) how on earth are you guys so fucking incompetent that you let this tiny little girl kill Rodrigue??? It doesn’t help that the exact same thing happened with Jeralt and Monica. This... just ain’t it, chief. 

I think the biggest bone I have to pick at AM specifically is... so what the fuck is the truth behind the Tragedy of Duscur LMAO??? They literally blue balled me by dropping the bomb of “Dimitri’s step mom may have conspired in it” ONLY TO NOT DO ANYTHING WITH IT. I assume that the full truth behind the Duscur tragedy will probably be revealed in VW (I hope) because it involves the slithers but it’s highkey ridiculous that the BL goons... never actually find out what really happened, and why. And I get that the story is about them moving on from their trauma and the past, but they should have at least figured out the actual truth behind it so they can get the closure they deserve???

Despite the gripes I have with some of the writing, unless VW or SS is mind blowingly amazing, this route will easily stand as the best route for me, because.... it is kind of is mind blowingly amazing. I wholeheartedly love character driven stories, and this route absolutely delivers in that respect-- the character writing is amazing and is essentially the heart of this story. To think Dimitri and the Blue Lions were the lord/house I was least interested in at first. Even after hearing people talk about what the BL goons and Dimitri’s character arc was roughly about, I was still blown away by just how damn fucking good it was, and this route exceeded my expectations in every way possible. 

When playing CF, I struggled to connect with a lot of the beagles; I didn’t have that problem at all with the BL goons and the route does a phenomenal job at making me actually give a shit about these characters and their problems. Childhood friend squad (+Marianne and Ashe) are easily my favourite characters in this game by a landslide, and the dynamic between not only the childhood friend squad, but all the BL goons, was just so, so amazing. Watching these characters that are seemingly joined by a single tragedy, rise above all their suffering as they grow, heal, and overcome hardship together is just so... MY KIDS... MY HEART..... I really got the sense of not only their shared pain, but also shared intimacy, care, and friendship. Their support conversations with each other had everything; from goofy and fun, to soothing and nurturing, to painful and harrowing. 

The connections that the BL goons have to the pre time skip missions gave part 1 story so much more meaning, and it only gets better after the time skip. I really appreciate that the BL bean boys actually feel relevant to the main story, and that their input and opinions actually mattered. The cast’s struggle to come to a consensus on the best course of action during the war phase made them feel like actual people with opinions, unlike in CF, where everyone was just a mindless passenger to Edie’s not so merry joyride. This also made Dimitri’s arc way more impactful because the narrative actually holds him accountable for the consequences that his behavior/poor decisions had on others. What I also really liked about the war phase is that you could just feel how war torn the kingdom was and how much everything went to shit after the time skip. I felt really strongly to the characters’ sense of hopelessness at fighting a losing battle as they struggled to keep their home land in tact while everything just kept spiraling out of control and deteriorating further. 

So to see the BL goon beans slowly, one battle at a time, turn the tide of the war and push back against the corner they were backed in, was SO fulfilling and rewarding. The battle of Fhirdiad is probably my favourite battle in the entire game because it felt like all the suffering and toiling that the BL goons went through was finally worth it, and just watching the kingdom slowly heal after being liberated was just such a good feeling. This kind of payoff is something I think CF sorely lacked, since tbh, I struggled to celebrate Edie’s victories with her. Though I do appreciate how Edie’s a much more threatening antagonistic force than either Dimitri or Rhea were in CF too bad Edelgard’s boss battle was pathetically easy and Dimitri shredded through her armor like swiss cheese... at least Rhea put up a slightly challenging fight.

I could gush about the characters all day, but Dimitri? He makes this game, 100%. This truly felt like his story and he was the star of this route. On a superficial level, I’m a basic bitch as well as a slut for angsty boys who have trouble talking about their trauma because I want them to rail me. I fucking loved his feral personality it was just so fun to watch and interact with LMAO 10/10 would let him use me until the flesh falls from my bones. His dialogue in this state is just so demeaning, belittling and raw that it somehow comes a full circle and becomes charming I promise I’m not a sick masochist.

I’m also a degenerate and dimileth is my otp. The way the relationship between Dimitri and Byleth develops over the game truly felt like a bond forged over time. The way Dimitri admits that he couldn’t trust Byleth at first because he was put off by the way they could “kill without batting an eye”, to being so elated when he sees them smile for the first time that he’s completely mesmerized when they starts expressing emotion... oof, talk about otp material. I think what really sold me is the way he’s their anchor after Jeralt’s death; their emotional support both in a traditional sense, but also in a darker sense when he declares he will kill anyone so they desire it because their enemies are his enemies. Character A declaring they’d die for character B? Soft shit. Character A declaring they’d kill for character B? A+ romance right there, boys. 

On a non superficial level, Dimitri’s character arc of his fall from grace and subsequent redemption was absolutely phenomenal. Just seeing how far he sinks, how far he goes, only to see how far he climbs his way back up after hitting rock bottom, was such a roller coaster and I loved every minute of it. I also probably like revenge stories more than I care to admit. Dimitri has everything; blood lust, cruelty, obsession, but also empathy and compassion so extreme that it’s his very own innate kindness that drives him into insanity, which is what makes him such a compelling character in my eyes. The extremity of his psychosis was absolutely heart breaking, but despite everything, him making the conscious decision to change for the better and rise up to fulfill his role as king was just astounding to watch. 

I will say though... maybe I have a screwed up moral compass but tbh Dimitri brutally killing imperial soldires didn’t really upset me because... this is war??? That he didn’t even start?? Everyone is killing everyone??? Even if he never went feral, he’d still be killing because his bloody kingdom is being invaded?????? But I digress.

While I think just how damn avoidable everything was kind of detracts from the tragedy of his relationship with Edelgard, I still really loved how steadfast and unconditional his love for her was (after he stops going feral), and you can tell just how much she meant to him every time he spoke of her. I also love how the dagger kind of becomes a symbolic motif throughout the story, and Edie throwing the dagger at him in the final cutscene as a sign of her wholehearted rejection of him was just fucking depressing, but also very fitting of her character. 

I adore the whole overarching narrative and themes surrounding grief and death, befitting of a war game. How, as tempting as it is to constantly keep the memory of the dead alive, there comes a point where you have to move on and not let your life be ruled by those no longer around. The way that the characters react to the death of loved ones and grieve so differently was a huge highlight of the BL squad’s characterizations, which just makes them feel more alive and human. Honestly, no words can really describe just how incredible of an experience Azure Moon was.

Anyway my order from favourite to least favourite BL goon bean boys are: Dimitri > Ashe >/= Sylvain >/= Felix > Ingrid > Mercedes > Annette > Dedue. (I love Ashe/Sylvain/Felix almost equally LOL)

tldr my experience with Azure Moon:

tfw my second best girl is childhood friends with all the best boys in the entIRE GAME and she settles for a guy with a dead wife, daughter, and most likely triple her age :|.

I’ll be finally playing Golden Deer next, which I’m gonna do on NG+ Maddening so.... hope that goes well!!

[healieas]

levels of beholding feeding; aka, will this successfully feed me or the eye?; aka, there are actions that beholding avatars are likely to take that may not constitute life-sustaining feeding; aka, the illuminati food pyramid.

the post where i break down what i personally consider feeding the eye to entail, including things that fall under the eye’s “jurisdiction” ( remember that fears are malleable and bleed into each other, and the eye especially tends to overlap with everything else bc it is a gratuitous voyeuristic sack of fuck, but for the purposes of this post i am going to try to focus on what in and of itself is eye fear and if it overlaps well that’s just fun and sexy isn’t it ) but do not feed it, things that engender beholding behavior but are not in and of itself feeding, things that eye avatars need to do to maintain themselves, and things that make the eye sigh and go “ah yes that was great food.” also this does not detail beholding powers. i’m just talking about the food, man. the gifts the eye grants its avatars is another story.

first and foremost, what qualifies something as feeding the eye? how does the eye “eat”? if something falls under the following categories, it feeds the eye: fear of being watched, fear of being exposed, fear of being followed, or fear of having your secrets known to somebody else. if something falls under the following categories, it is eye-related behavior likely performed by avatars, but is not in and of itself “eye food”: pursuit of knowledge, especially at the cost of one’s own health or sanity. obviously the latter can enable the former if that pursuit of knowledge is at somebody else’s expense, but what separates the two categories for me is that, to keep the eye as an entity from spreading so thin to the point where anything can be construed as capital-b Beholding because it involves observation or information, is holding fast to the eye being a fear entity. i.e., something can technically be in the eye’s territory of knowledge, but it does not become eye-related unless there is an active element of horror. of course, what constitutes “horror” is subjective, but i think that narrows down the options and removes, say, doing a book report from beholding. tma has a tight thesis of beholding being the horror of watching something terrible and doing nothing to intervene, or the inherent evil of inaction when one is witnessing an atrocity. 

therefore i’m going to make my grading for eye food the following. ( note that like... there’s grey area in between each level where, by taking a lower level to an extreme, you could slide it up to the next, etc. )

level one: are you watching in an obtrusive way? i.e., is this something you should be seeing? are you an active participant? or are you eavesdropping. things that fall into this category include people watching, listening in on conversations, or reading private correspondence. this is the fear of being watched / known against one’s will at play, but only one person ( the avatar ) knows the secrets, so it’s low-level feeding. just hoarding secrets unto oneself gives the avatar what i’d consider a steady drip of water, necessary for life and remaining active, but after an extended period of time with just water, you’re going to want for food. 

something like following someone and making them feel watched as more than just a prickling on the neck for an extended period of time would probably start to actually feed the eye a bit, as was the case with the cursed mirror; someone with a constant and perhaps debilitating fear of being watched, facilitated by the actions of a beholding avatar, would advance to feeding the eye. 

institutionalized watching in an obtrusive way, i.e. the lack of privacy afforded to inmates in a place like millbank, ratchets up to full eye feeding. again, the longer and more intense the watching, the more intense the fear produced, the more likely it’s going to drift up into actual feeding territory. but as a casual action, it’s not sustainable.

level two: are you revealing to the person that you know their secrets? to distinguish this from the above category, i’m talking about the situation with elias and daisy / martin / melanie -- digging out someone’s secrets and then throwing them in their face, making them feel the despair of being peeled open for examination. what puts this at a lower level than mass exposure is the fact that it is probably only the beholding avatar who’s getting anything out of this. this is semi-solid food to the eye, like a gelatin or pudding or other soft hospital food. you can sustain yourself on it, but try to go for any extreme period of time just doing this and you’re probably going to suffer from malnutrition ( if you want to talk to me about malnutrition and how it actually works, aka you’re getting plenty of calories but not all of the components you need, and historic examples of mass malnutrition, we can totally do that; but i want to make it clear for those that might think malnutrition is just like starvation lite, it’s not -- you can be eating a ton of food every day and if you have no variety and if it lacks the proper nutrients, you’re still going to suffer the adverse effects; all this detail to say that’s what happens to an eye avatar who only feeds by privately exposing someone’s secrets to their face, a slow and conscious wasting ). 

constantly harassing someone about their secrets might make your diet a little more diverse, metaphorically, but this category really doesn’t have the same mobility as the previous one.

level three: are you making other people aware of the information you’ve gleaned? this is fear of exposure, where somebody is going to face the fallout and consequences of having something unsavory put on display for an audience. ( yes, this covers body image fears of people in the public eye, which is imo a flesh fear that the eye can also feed upon, but that’s an intense discussion for another post that needs to be handled with nuance. i only mention it to make it clear that like... it doesn’t even have to be something objectively horrid that’s exposed; if the person who is being put on display has a fear of being seen, that’s enough to put it in this category, because it is producing anxiety or discomfort. ) no need for bullet points! this gets more and more intense the wider the audience and the more people talk about it. this is solid beholding food with good nutrition! you could make a beholding career out of this! i’m certain that elias does some feeding by allowing students in to read the dirty laundry of named statement givers ( in addition to slurping the despair of visitors who aren’t going to be helped at all by the institute ). after all, statement givers frequently express fear of being pegged as “insane” or having experienced the denial, pity, or avoidance of their friends and family after their experiences. judgement cast upon vulnerability? eye food.

level four: taking a statement. this is sort of disconnected from the rest and may exist alongside them rather than above them, but canonically, reading and experiencing ( getting into character, allowing yourself to feel the presented emotions ) a statement feeds the eye. notice how jon works through tons of “statements” a week, documents gathered by the institute, but only reads one true statement a week on average. he “steps into the shoes” of the statement giver and re-experiences the terror, often while learning something about another entity and how it functions, increasing his own knowledge of the fear world. in my opinion, this is where we get into the eye simultaneously feeding on what’s offered and feeding on the avatar. jon is exhausted after reading a statement and needs to rest. multiple people state that it seems to take a lot out of him. he needs them to survive, but he also finds the experiences draining. this is a solid cooked meal, and the eye has the digestion of a snake, so if you get one of these a week? you’re good. 

level five: taking a statement directly from another subject, though? that’s just feeding. cutting out the middle man and the mental transportation of reading a literary piece ( or listening to a tape, or watching a recording ) means that you just get to feed off the person’s fear, because you are peeling them open and knowing them. this does relate a bit to level two, which is why i said it’s probably more of a horizontal relationship, but the difference for me is that you are forcing them to give an account of their encounter with a fear, thus accumulating knowledge of a lived experience and of the other deities, and you are making a person feel known and exposed, often ( in canon ) in a way that’s abrupt and uncalled for. willing statement-givers do not seem to have the same reactions as the poor people jon yoinks in public. taking statements seems to be compulsory for archivists in particular. whether or not it impacts administrators ( elias ) in the same way is hard to discern. maybe not, or maybe that’s solved by having the institute function the way it does, because all those statements are technically elias’s. ( i also have opinions on how elias feeds every single day but we’ll get to that later. the fear machine of the institute. ) this is good food. this is gourmet. this is why the eye stans jon. feeding just off of direct statements is going to cause your own power to skyrocket because you are eating so well.

there are probably more examples of ways to feed, and if people wanna shoot me ims or asks like “is this proper eye feeding?” i’d be happy to answer with my own takes on the situation ( because these are my own takes lol you do not need to live or die by this headcanon I Just Think My Theory Is Sound Enough For This Blog ). but now we’ll look at behaviors that may indicate a propensity for beholding, or that keep a beholding avatar in shape without feeding them; the exercise counterpart to a healthy diet. presented in bullet point form because these are not as in-depth as the above.

an inclination towards extensive research. not just looking up what you need for a book report and nothing more, we’re talking about going down a rabbit hole of research frequently out of a desire to know more. because this does not necessarily produce a fear response and does not necessarily deal with witnessing horror, it is not feeding ( i think about the idea of true crime beholding avatars and i get a little woozy because like... could it work and be canon compliant? certainly. is it therefore a valid take? it sure is. is it something i’m willing to get into? no, because it makes me personally uncomfortable sadly, because i feel some kinda way about the glamorization of serial killers and so on, and though i think an interest in true crime can be pursued tastefully, it’s so nuanced and so Not Me in particular that i just don’t want to get into it, even if i acknowledge that it’s something that probably exists in the tma universe because the tma universe is uncomfortable horror! )

being a nosy bitch. are you always involved in other people’s business, especially drama? do you subscribe to tea spill youtube channels? are you prepared to drop a hot tweet about something shady a celebrity did? ( THIS IS NOT A CRITIQUE OF OR COMMENTARY ON CALLOUT CULTURE INB4, PLEASE I BEG YOU. ) you have the beholding inclination to dig and reveal secrets! awesome!

a desire to organize and preserve information. i think often about this one because one of the things about the ceaseless watcher is that it knows but does not comprehend. it is not interested in understanding or exploring the nuance of what it observes, which is what makes it so horrific. it doesn’t care, the only thing it’s invested in is watching fear and accumulating knowledge so that it can “say” it has more information than anybody else. this, i think, is why beholding tends to center itself around academic institutions. the idea of gatekeeping knowledge, of an ivory tower, is so beholding-appropriate because if you think about the implications then yes, it’s bad. hoarding knowledge and not allowing other people to learn is not a good thing, and that’s why beholding is so very into it. HOWEVER, I AM ALSO DEEPLY INVESTED IN THE IDEA THAT THIS IS WHAT SEPARATES THE FEAR GOD BEHOLDING FROM ITS HUMAN AVATARS. because the avatars are painfully human! michael is proof enough of that i think! even if avatars consider themselves a different species, at the very least “formerly-human” categorically, they were humans and still have human flaws and inclinations. one of these, for beholding avatars, is organization. it’s putting the puzzle pieces together ( unless you’re bad at it, i’m so sorry jon you’re really trying and i love you, but in this case i think that has more to do with jon’s tendency to shoot himself in the foot / put himself at a disadvantage because he is afraid than a beholding-wide thing ), because the human brain usually wants to understand things. it wants to draw meaning from things. even elias, probably the least human of the beholding avatars we see, has to organize the information he has and put separate stories together to form a larger picture, because functioning in the human world just necessitates doing that! you want to stop another ritual? you can’t just gather different pieces of information and not relate them to each other, you have to categorize them and draw conclusions. and, imo, this is what separates the human world from the post-apocalyptic world. the post-apocalyptic world does not require analysis or organization, it can simply be; that is reality as warped and controlled by the fear gods.

there’s probably more to this but i have talked so much, i think that’s enough for now. anyways i care so much about beholding and how it functions and this is actually my least academic bullshitty piece on it, so yay for that. usually i’m all “voyeurism and The Gaze and how it functions in society and especially media!” but today? today we just talk about good eats.

[atopearth]

The Men of Yoshiwara: Ohgiya Part 1 - Takigawa Route

Now for the supposedly better sequel! I think it’s nice that the heroine Kiyoha is actually in Yoshiwara because she’s of age now, and this is kinda the thing women do to experience love and men. It’s kinda funny that the heroine this time around is really rich and even has a bodyguard (Musashi) with her! Hmm Ageha seems like a soft and nice guy that is actually really cheeky. He looks quite westernised though. Takigawa looks pretty cool, I think he might be my favourite looks wise, but he seems like the stern and strict type haha. Gakuto looks like a pirate with that eye patch haha! Utsusemi looks like a flirt maybe? Asagiri is definitely my least favourite, he looks like the haughty kind of guy that would bully the girl lol. Honestly though, I quite enjoy how Musashi helps Kiyoha on the side by explaining to her the manners and protocol of being in places like Ohgiya. Which is something I wish Kikuya explored, but I guess to be fair, Kikuya was more casual, whereas Ohgiya is the finest establishment in Yoshiwara, so the geisha must be pretty high class and they probably expect their customers to be high class too. I feel like Takigawa is quite similar to Takao though haha! Noooo! You can’t choose Musashi??? Why make him look so nice and cool too then?! I’m kinda sad now LOL. Anyway~ going in order (on the Nintendo Switch), so Takigawa it is.

Ooh if you look at the character introductions, Takigawa’s popularity is apparently equal to Takao! That’s interesting! I should have known that if Takigawa is the most popular geisha, then he’s definitely very prideful and confident that he can make Kiyoha fall for him and make her look at him and not anyone else. But it seems like Takigawa knows how Kiyoha feels though. It seems like he can tell that Kiyoha is only here to fulfill her duties as a woman, and does not intend to give her heart to him because she thinks everything about this is “fake”. Musashi is a great attendant/bodyguard! Not only does he protect her but he’s also her confidant! She shares her problems and worries with him and he advises her as well as encourages her to follow what she thinks is right to do. I really like him🥺🥺 I liked his advice that instead of letting Takigawa do what he wants, she should be the one to make Takigawa fall for her instead. I think that would be much more fun and interesting than just being on guard against him for thinking that winning over the pretty rich girls is just like a fun game.

It’s actually pretty refreshing to see that Kiyoha is physically attracted to Takigawa, but she refuses to give her heart to him even after they’ve had sex. It was so anticlimactic in a sense, because she easily fulfilled her family’s wishes of her, but at the same time, she really didn’t. All she did was physically do it as if she finished a chore lol. On the other hand, seeing other women insult Takigawa belittling him as just a geisha blah blah was quite saddening. It just goes to show that even though Takigawa is a top geisha, is super popular and loved, but in the end, he’ll still be treated as trash by customers because they just think of geisha as lowly people there to entertain them. When Takao said Takigawa was a boring person who has never fallen in love before, it kinda made sense why it felt like Kiyoha and Takigawa’s interactions always felt so “empty”. They’re both literally just carrying out their duties as men and women on this island and they both refuse to give their hearts to the fake marriages and love relationships in Yoshiwara. Takigawa’s words of “love” when they shared their night together rang hollow as just “words”, whereas the thing with Takao is that even though his words are always flirty and it doesn’t seem like he’s serious, he’s actually very sincere with his flirting, and I think that’s the difference between a guy who can shake your heart and one that can’t. Takao’s few lines really made me remember why I was honestly ensnared by him in Kikuya haha.

Lmao at Takigawa insulting but complimenting Kiyoha at the same time haha. Kinda exciting for Kiyoha to be in the charge of the outfits for his procession for her though, it’s kinda nice that she’s actually motivated about something lol. Wow, to think that Takigawa actually knew about Kiyoha from long ago because she was like a girl with a magical pouch who gave him candy and an origami crane when he was a kid. It’s kinda cute how he remembers that. It’s nice that they describe the procession as like a marriage ceremony, since they literally do something like a parade and then the geisha comes together with the woman as if they’re now officially tied together as partners forever. It’s kinda sweet when you think about it. Although I felt that Takigawa was cold and hollow with his words before, when he said that he wants Kiyoha to believe in his love for her and how he wants her to think that choosing him brought her happiness, I was  rather touched. Despite what things he may be hiding and how “loveless” their relationship felt before, right now it really feels like they have become much more honest with each other. It was obvious that the procession was going to end badly with how much they wanted the procession to succeed lol. But to think that they would split open Takigawa’s kimono and show the world his tattoo that his mum branded on him before he was sent to Yoshiwara... It’s saddening to think that Takigawa was treated horribly by his mother too, just like that little boy Kiyoha encountered before. I guess it’s stressful to be a mother to boys though, since they basically get stolen from you no matter what, you’re basically raising them to be sent to Yoshiwara eventually… It was very sweet but saddening of Takigawa to apologise to Kiyoha about the possible impact of this on her family business and how it ruined all the effort she put into the procession, I mean I’m sure he’s embarrassed and hurt by having his tattoo shown to the world too but he’s thinking about her first. It hurt to see Takigawa so down about his tattoo surfacing as a kind of nightmare of the past for him. Well, as expected, Takigawa is the big brother of that little boy~

Wow, I can’t believe that in order to attract customers at the window interested in his tattoo, they used to lash his back (to keep the tattoo visible and prominent since his skin needs to be flushed to see it) constantly! I can see why Takigawa would want to hide all that and just want to keep his perfect image as the top geisha.. he really suffered blood and tears to get to this position. I think it’s really sweet that Kiyoha finally remembered him, and it’s not like she completely forgot about him, she just thought he was a girl when they were young haha. I can see why a first love would be so important to geisha though, because in the end, everything here in Yoshiwara is fake, yet it takes up most of their lives, so it’s unlikely for them to find any kind of true love during their teenage to adult years. It seems like the story wants to redeem the mother’s “tattoo” as a form of love to remember her children, and I don’t deny that she probably had a bit of those intentions with the wings and everything, but it doesn’t change the fact that she abused Takigawa enough as a child that he himself chose to go to Yoshiwara before he was even forced to, and it doesn’t change that to this day she is still abusing her next kid. Sure, it’s definitely a terrible thing to give birth to boys, let alone having two, the amount of stress and sadness etc must be unbearable, but that doesn’t mean she can be excused for her actions of traumatising children imo.

Honestly, I don’t know why but I never really thought about the repercussions of buying out a popular geisha to the point that it could affect business. But I guess that’s true, if Kiyoha bought Takigawa, she would be depriving all the other women of him, and since the whole island is mainly women, their business could take a hit because of her selfishness of wanting to monopolise him. It doesn’t help that he’s recently become even more popular due to what happened at the procession. But I assume that with Kiyoha’s family’s wealth and influence, it should be fine imo. Um, that was easy. I feel like the law on this island is really….whatever. So, on one hand, they arrest Takigawa’s mother ready to execute her, but then after Takigawa and his brother say it was all a prank and that she didn’t abuse them, they just let her go??? Did they not check for bruises and marks from long term abuse? Honestly, I’m baffled at how loose the law is, it’s so ready to kill people but at the same time so ready to let people go, it’s pretty ridiculous. So glad Takigawa didn’t forgive her and took his brother away from her. It’s nice that he’s giving her the chance to change because he doesn’t want to regret leaving her to die even though he hates her I guess. It was really quite touching to see Takigawa arrive at the Somei family house and be welcomed so nicely by Kiyoha’s mother, they bought/took in both him and his brother and that’s so sweet. I love how Takigawa’s contribution to the family business is by showcasing their clothes to courtesans, modelling is a great job for him since he’s so beautiful! I like the other ending as well though! Seeing Takigawa make sales on clothes at Yoshiwara utilising his information network was pretty cool. I also really enjoyed their little trip to the mainland, it’s always cute to see their fascination and interest in different cultures and products.

Overall, Takigawa was all right. I thought I’d like him just as much as Takao in Kikuya, but honestly, even though it was pretty nice to see the usual transition of cold guy to wholesome guy kinda story, I think the transition was lacking. In the beginning, I could really feel how both Kiyoha and Takigawa were interested in each other but didn’t want to involve their hearts in this relationship because it’s “fake”. However, I couldn’t feel it when they both “loved each other” and wanted to spend the rest of their lives with the other. I don’t really feel their romance. But I did feel for Takigawa’s childhood, it was pretty terrible, and I’m glad Kiyoha supported him and everything, but yeah honestly, I expected more charisma from Takigawa? He’s supposedly the top geisha so I honestly expected to be really drawn to him etc, but I think he was pretty normal lol, the best thing about him was his looks, and even then, Asagiri is pretty beautiful, so yeah, beauty can’t carry you that high! Haha, oh well. He’s not bad, just not great🙃

[nadziejastar]

Did you finish reading that KH3: A Conclusion without a story article? If so, what did you think of it?

I loved reading it. It was a fantastic take on KH3. There was pretty much nothing that I disagreed with.

By the time you leave Olympus, Sora hasn’t learnt how to restore his powers; and the frustrating part is that he never explicitly does.

I completely agreed with this. Sora’s journey in KH3 should have been about learning the power of waking. But even in the scene where he finally does learn it, there’s no real reason why. He didn’t seem to learn anything on his journey.

Even the villains are given no progress – a subplot about Pete and Maleficent looking for a mysterious black box goes nowhere, and Organisation XIII (the primary antagonists) only put in a brief appearance, spouting their usual brand of vaguely ominous dialogue. To compound these issues, the protagonists are ultimately left not knowing where to go or what to do next. Only two hours into the game, and the plot has no sense of momentum or direction.  

Yep. The black box thing annoyed me so much. The Organization was also a huge letdown. We don’t get to learn the real reason why Marluxia, Larxene, Demyx, and Luxord joined until KH4!? Something went very, VERY wrong in the Dark Seeker Saga for that to happen. 

By comparison, Kingdom Hearts II’s opening was significantly slower paced – to the point that it was a detriment to some players. However, so much more was achieved in a similar space of time; II’s initial hours establish the game’s tone and major themes, as well as introduce a large cast of brand new characters (while simultaneously reintroducing old ones in new contexts).

Yep. I liked KH2′s opening, slow as it was. The prologue of KH2 felt like it had more plot than almost all of KH3.

And this is one of the core problems with Kingdom Hearts III; even if you look past a threadbare narrative for Sora and company while they adventure through the self-contained Disney worlds, there is nothing going on outside of that either. In Kingdom Hearts II, both Riku and Mickey were operating behind the scenes, aiding Sora from the shadows and setting key events in motion. In III, however, these same characters spend most of their time expositing plot points and passively waiting for the big battle at the end of the game – and that can be said for almost all of our heroes.

I also agree. This problem would have been mitigated if every character got their own time to shine using the power of waking. Riku and Mickey could have had a subplot together, showing how Riku got his new Keyblade. They should have saved each other from the darkness. 

If there’s a job to do, it’s up to Sora to do it. With a couple of key exceptions, every character apart from Sora, Donald, and Goofy is presented as almost comically useless – yet our protagonist remains the butt of every joke.

Yep. Everyone other than Sora was useless. Aqua needed to save Ven, but all she did was get knocked out in the battle with Vanitas. Ven needed to save Terra, but he didn’t really do anything. Sora did all the work. Lea needed to save Isa, but he did nothing in his fight. He got shoved to the side while Roxas and Xion took over. Kairi saving Sora should have gotten more focus. 

The villains reveal that the only way Sora can release Roxas is by giving into the darkness, and sacrificing his own heart. Self-sacrifice is nothing new for Sora (he did the same thing in Kingdom Hearts I to save his love interest Kairi), but this had the potential to be an interesting plot point, as it gives him a selfless reason to be tempted by, and potentially give into, the darkness. But it’s never brought up again. 

Yep. Early scenes in KH3 make it seem like the game did originally have an actual plot at one point. Xigbar was luring Sora into a trap, so he’d fall to darkness. But it’s never brought up again, LOL. It’s crazy.

In fact, ‘saving Roxas’ is scarcely discussed until the end of the game (King Mickey telling Sora to “let the rest of us worry about Roxas and Naminé for now”, essentially dropping the subject after only the second Disney world). Ultimately, Roxas’ heart just leaves Sora’s body of its own volition in the final act, making the player’s time here, once again, feel largely pointless.  

And yes, saving Roxas was handled very badly. This is because, IMO, saving Roxas and saving Ventus was supposed to be one and the same. There shouldn’t have been a separate “saving Roxas” subplot.

In interviews, Nomura discussed the struggle of dealing with so many characters – even citing the cast size as one of the main reasons that Final Fantasy cameos were omitted[2]. The real problem, though, is that nothing is done to mitigate this challenge.

Yes, exactly. And treating Roxas and Ventus as separate characters only exacerbated this problem.

Upon leaving Twilight Town, the player finally begins their true journey – travelling to various worlds based on Disney properties and beating back the forces of darkness. But there’s no real set up for this; no distinct reason *why* we’re visiting these worlds. 

Mm-hm. I think the issue was that we were supposed to learn more about Ansem the Wise’s data in KH0.5. That was supposed to give Sora a quest in KH3: search for the “Key to Return Hearts”. Once that game got cancelled, Nomura had no idea how to write KH3′s story any longer.

So around 3-4 hours into Kingdom Hearts III, the story still lacks a clear sense of direction and purpose, and hasn’t yet established any clear themes or deeper meaning.

Yeah, it’s sad because there was an underlying theme in the Disney worlds: the power of love and its ability to restore what was lost.

Kingdom Hearts III cleverly tries to frame its story through the lens of a chess match between two Keyblade Masters, Eraqus and Xehanort, when they were young. The game even opens on this scene, highlighting its importance. But chess has rules; logic; a clear sense of direction. Kingdom Hearts III’s narrative is akin to two people who don’t know how to play chess. They understand that they have to defeat their opponent’s king, but the rules of how to move their pieces, how to actually reach that coveted checkmate, are completely unknown to them. The characters in this game feel like pieces on a chess board with no rules; aimlessly moving back and forth across a limited space, until both players finally decide enough is enough and agree to bring their match to an end.

LOL. Yep. The fact that Xehanort had “reserve members” showed he had no idea what he was doing.

Stick to your guns – don’t be afraid to explore a good idea, or to develop the plot outside of your main protagonist. When so many previously proactive characters are in play, the story shouldn’t feel so static, or entirely dependent on the protagonist’s actions. The way your protagonist reacts to events and changing circumstances is just as important as the ones they play an active role in creating.

That’s why I liked the spin-offs. KH3 suffered from forcing you into only Sora’s perspective. Even Nomura said that the Keyblade Graveyard should have had everyone fighting their own battles.

Simply put, the Disney worlds in Kingdom Hearts III have no tangible impact on the game’s core narrative.

Sad, but true.

“In the end, although I had a hand in it as well, the flow of the dialogue and the stories of each world were largely handled by the level design team.” While I very much appreciate this standpoint of ‘gameplay first’, as well as the act of involving multiple teams in the execution of the story, these statements do prove my point. Set-pieces and events are one thing, but if there was a specific story to tell – with outlined themes to be explored, character conflicts to evolve, and goals to be achieved; all developed evenly throughout the entire game (Disney worlds included) - you would imagine the scenario would be built around balancing those narrative elements with the individual tales of each level.

Very interesting. The story in the Disney worlds was largely decided by the level design team? Wow.

Despite major villains such as Young Xehanort, Vanitas, and Marluxia making multiple appearances in their respective worlds, they generally just spout off trite exposition and then either disappear or summon a boss fight. Some villains don’t even know why they’re there, while others introduce plot points (such as the Black Box or the new Princesses of Heart) that are never utilised or expanded upon. As the game features at least thirteen main antagonists, these early appearances should have been integral in establishing their personalities, motivations, and the threat they pose to the player (as well as our heroes). In execution, though, they seem like little more than after-thoughts that offer hints of personality, but never go beyond the superficial – and certainly contribute nothing to the main narrative. This, I believe, is because Kingdom Hearts III doesn’t have a story to tell, but was instead content with treading water until its grand conclusion.

Yep. I had no idea why Marluxia, Larxene, and Luxord were running around in the worlds. Why are they back? Other characters, like Saix, were given flimsy “motivation”. All in all, the organization members were supposed to be vessels by the time you fight them in the KG. Hollowed out containers for Xehanort’s heart. Victims of mind control who you are supposed to have pity for. But they never felt like it.

Kingdom Hearts III’s meandering and vapid progression during ‘the Disney loop’ supports my argument that the game lacks a complete narrative and was merely concerned with reaching its final act. I believe this is most evident by the way in which the player is made to jump from world to world without any direction or purpose. Consequently, the majority of Kingdom Hearts III feels content to aimlessly ‘go through the motions’, setting a repetitive, humdrum pace and ultimately lacking the sense of narrative depth and genuine value that is integral to a great RPG.  

Yeah, I believe there was–at one point–an actual plot for KH3. But after BBSV2 was cancelled, a huge portion of KH3′s plot was pretty much scrapped along with it and rewritten.

Everyone’s heard of the three-act structure; a model that forms the foundation of popular culture’s favourite stories. Act 1 features the setup and exposition; an ‘inciting incident’ to get the narrative moving. Act 2 is the confrontation; a midpoint which challenges the protagonist, pushing them to their limits. And finally, Act 3 is the resolution; concluding the plot, along with any character arcs introduced in the previous acts. While this structure doesn’t necessarily need to be adhered to, I believe it possesses something that Kingdom Hearts III sorely lacked – a midpoint.

Yep. KH3 had no mid-point. Scala ad Caelum could have worked as the mid-point. And it could have been another hub world like Radiant Garden. KH3 probably originally had this, but it was scrapped.

This is especially a shame, as Aqua’s fall into darkness – resulting in a twisted form that externalises all of her loneliest thoughts – is one of the most dramatically compelling aspects of the game. And that’s despite lasting for all of 10 minutes (a decade of solitude and suffering are seemingly erased by a few whacks from Sora’s Keyblade).

This is true for all of the characters that needed to be saved. Nobody really used the power of waking on anyone. It’s was just whack, whack, okay you’re saved.

And this is ultimately the problem with the lack of a true Act 2 – the characters aren’t explored or challenged when they need to be. The narrative refuses to escalate until its final act, at which point it feels like going from zero to sixty in a matter of moments. But during the heat of battle – at such a late stage, and with so many heroes and villains in play (more than twenty) – it’s hard to develop your characters in a way that feels natural. Kingdom Hearts III’s solution is bizarre soliloquies that are completely disconnected from the events around them. Is Sora in the middle of a boss fight with three villains? Well, the other two will disappear while you spend several minutes casually chatting with the third. And while this is partly due to the challenge of giving such a large cast an appropriate send-off, it’s also a direct consequence of the lack of time given to exploring characters and their relationships in the previous 20-25 hours of playtime.

So true. So many characters who had so much development over the series. That’s why they needed another game before KH3. It was probably too much to ask for KH3 to be the epic conclusion as well as dive into everyone’s backstory.

On that note, having some sort of hub – a place, like Traverse Town or Hollow Bastion in the first two Kingdom Hearts games, that the player regularly returns to – can be an effective way to centre your story. It provides a home base, and a recurring cast of characters that can be revisited at any time. This kind of location helps players to feel a deeper and more personal attachment to your world.

Yeah, the game would have been so much better if you could visit RG and interact with the plot-important NPCs.

Put in Kingdom Hearts terms, we might say that the body and soul are here; it’s just missing its heart.

I’ve had the exact same thought.

This essay began with the assertion that Kingdom Hearts III is a conclusion in search of a story; a game without a tale of its own to tell. So far, we’ve examined the material impact; the effect this has on the game’s pacing, its sense of player progression, engagement, and character development. So in this topic, I want to consider the conceptual side of things; the motivations that drive our heroes and villains, the purpose of the events that take place, and finally the meaning intended to be conveyed by the story. Put simply, does the narrative of Kingdom Hearts III have something to say?

Sadly, no. I can tell it was supposed to, though. KH3′s story was supposed to be about the power of love. It was really that simple.

By the time of Kingdom Hearts III, Riku has overcome all of these challenges and been granted the title of Keyblade Master, so it was important to present him as a more mature, capable character, having regained his confidence and developed a clear identity. But ultimately, he just feels bland and stoic in this game. He has no new narrative arc, relatively few interactions with Sora, predominantly serves as a mouthpiece for exposition, and is more devoid of a distinct personality than ever. And for a game which serves as a conclusion to the story so far, it’s essential that our core group of characters, such as Riku and Kairi, reach a satisfying crescendo. The narrative should organically involve them in significant ways, and the challenges they face should provide natural opportunities for growth and exploration.

Sad, since Riku seemed like he did originally have a narrative arc. He got a new Keyblade! But the way he got it was laughably random and meaningless and contributed nothing to his overall growth or development.

As much as I’ve tried to understand it, I cannot summarise Master Xehanort’s motivation in that same, concise way. His initial speech in Kingdom Hearts III implies idle curiosity; he speculates that “If ruin brings about creation, what, then, would another Keyblade War bring?” followed by statements that he wants to re-enact the conflict and simply see what happens. He also wonders if they will “…be found worthy of the precious light the legend speaks of”, implying that his goal is to test humanity; or at least the current generation of Keyblade wielders. But that’s a pretty flimsy motivation, and it’s lacking any context or logic.

Yep. Xehanort was supposed to have another game to explore his motivations. When you get rid of that, his character just doesn’t work anymore.

And it’s not just the heroes that have this problem. During their death scenes, several of the Organisation’s members (Luxord, Marluxia, Larxene, Xigbar, Xion, Saix, and Ansem) either encourage Sora or imply that they didn’t care about the outcome; or didn’t even want to battle in the first place. Some have their reasons, but if even one of them had chosen not to fight, Xehanort’s re-enactment could have failed. Much like I described earlier, it doesn’t feel satisfying to overcome a foe who didn’t want to fight, and a war with the potential to destroy the universe should be motivated by much more powerful convictions.

I don’t disagree. But I honestly think this is because none of these characters actually wanted to fight in the Keyblade War. They were supposed to be possessed puppets. Mind-controlled vessels with no will of their own. 

Let’s use Saix as an example. What makes a more engaging battle? In canon, Saix had flimsy motivations to be fighting, anyways. He wanted to atone so he was acting as a double agent in order to procure some Replicas. And he wanted look for Subject X. That’s why he joined Xehanort. That’s all the reason he had to fight. 

Compare that to a potential backstory with him as a vessel, lacking free will. Isa was a human test subject who was possessed as a teen. His best friend Lea has to fight him unwillingly. Saix is berserk and nearly kills Lea without even being aware of it. But all Lea wants is to save his best friend. I know which one I find more engaging. 

Ever since that first game, I’ve been trying to identify what it is that unified these two styles of storytelling – the Disney fairytale with the SquareSoft RPG. And in writing this essay, I finally realised; the secret ingredient, the unifying thread that both franchises had in common, was love. Romance is at the core of almost every classic Disney film, and every Final Fantasy from IV to X was in some way a love story. Seemingly the developers of the original Kingdom Hearts realised this too.

I’m pretty neutral about the Sora/Kairi romance. I mainly wanted Kairi to not feel like a damsel-in-distress yet again. And KH3 definitely screwed that up.

In a way, my problem was the same as that of Kingdom Hearts III’s story. We both spent so much time looking to the horizon, imagining what the future may hold, that we missed out on what was already right in front of us. I will always love and support this series, and its creativity and charm will no doubt continue to inspire my own stories for the rest of my life. But despite not being the conclusion I hoped for, Kingdom Hearts III has freed me from my own obsession with the series’ future. I no longer feel like I’m waiting for something that may never come. Of course, I hope the series gets its story back on track, and rises to new heights greater than ever before! But it turns out that I already got my ending in 2006; and now that I’ve finally realised that, I can finally, honestly say that, as a Kingdom Hearts fan, I am satisfied.

It’s sad that KH2’s ending felt more satisfying. Because KH3 should have been even better than KH2′s ending. KH2 had a happy ending. But in KH3, everyone was there on the beach. Terra, Aqua, and Ven were saved. In KH2, Axel was dead. He had a sad ending. But in KH3, he was human again and even had his childhood best friend back, too. Even Hayner, Pence, and Olette were there. Sora should have been there, too. By all accounts, I should have liked KH3′s ending the best out of any game. But they ruined it with the horrible character development and the cheap cliffhanger.

[calliecat93]

Top 5 Things I Liked About RWBY Volume 3

Those of you who have been following this little series of posts are probably going ‘wait a sec Callie, don’t you do the dislikes post first?” Which, yes I do, but there’s a reason why I’m doing Likes. It’s because, well... there’s not going to be a Dislikes post. I tried to think of things that I genuinely disliked about V3. I tried to think of nitpicks that I had about V3. I tried to see if there were things that I disliked back when it aired.

And I got nothing.

Yeah, I disliked nothing about V3. I had to stretch on Dislikes in V2, but here? I got nothing. I mean sure certain character deaths sucked because... well, death. But these scenes were actually done well, so I don’t dislike them. There’s a couple of little animation errors, but I can’t make a list out of that nor do those bother me since the animation is overall very good. This was my favorite volume up until V6 (and even with that I was able to come up with dislikes for it) and needless to say, this volume out of all fo them is not one that you mess around with. So instead of forcing myself to make a list I’ve got no material for, we’re skipping to Likes. Cause I’ve got plenty of those.

#5. Maiden Twist

I remember when this twist got revealed, and I was in shock... well that and because the same chapter ended in Yang being defamed and they decided to choose then to go on holiday hiatus. That was still mean RT! Okay, yeah the twist. I... really liked it! It made sense, added to the lore of the series, and really ramped upt he tension. Sure we weren’t 100% sure how the Maidens would tie into the overall plot, but V5 fixed that so any issues that I had with it are long since resolved.

I think what really makes me appreciate it is for those unaware, this twist? This was the final thing conceived by Monty before his passing in February 2015 when V3 would have been in pre-production. This was not a part of the original plan for RWBY, but Miles and Kerry decided to keep it and work with it anyone since it was Monty’s final idea. IDK what the original plan was, and we’ll probably never know, but I think that they fit it in very well. It explains why CInder has so much power. Part of why the Ozluminati is so secretive. It makes the world more interesting and as I said, adds to the lore. And the tale itself was very well done and felt like a genuine fairy tale, especially the version in World of Remnant.

The execution wasn’t 100% perfect. Like I said, the importance of the Maidens int he story wasn't made clear until V5. But considering that they had to figure out how to fit it in with the overall planned story, I say that they did very well. The rule also makes plenty of sense, and that I appreciate. I really like to applaud writers who make changes like this work, and nowadays I can't imagine RWBY without the Maidens. Would the original plan have been better? I don’t know. But I’m happy with where they took things, and I’d say that Monty’s final contribution is one that’s impact isn't fading out anytime soon.

#4. Yang Development

Okay IDK if development is the right word, but this was a good volume for Yang! Well okay for her it probably sucked. A lot. But for us watching, it... was painful. But it was good for her character arc!

Up to this point, Yang was probably the least developed of the four girls. She was a pretty girl who was really good at hitting things and was a fun, but caring friend and sister. But otherwise, she’d had little development and imo her motivation to become a Huntress was by far the weakest. But anything that she lacked she made up for in personality and even then, she was by far the fan-favorite. SHe’s... my least favorite of Team RWVY, mainly for other reasons I’ll get to when I do a later list, but I still enjoy her and she’s always been really fun.

And it made what happened in this volume all the more painful.

First, she gets framed and can’t prove her innocence. Her team gets disqualified from the Vytal Festival as a result. Then the Battle of Beacon happens! She can't do anything for her sister and therefore tries to find Blake. She finds her getting attacked by Adam, she tries to interfere, and... she loses an arm. Worst, Blake, the person she just lost a limb for runs away without so much as a goodbye. Weiss is taken away by force, and all of this along with the loss of Beacon and the multiple deaths have left Yang broken and bitter. She can’t even comfort Ruby or accept any comfort that her sister offers, and in the end just tells Ruby to go do what she wants and leave her alone. Ruby leaves sometime later, all while Yang is still sitting in bed with an empty look.

This volume was brutal for everyone, but Yang by far is one of the ones who had it the roughest. It hurts since, in the first half of the volume, she’s her usual happy, bright self and is easily winning all of her fights. She did nothing wrong but had to go through Hell all because of the villains who she did nothing to. It provides a lot of good later, which again I’ll touch on in a later list. But God it hurt to watch this when it aired. Nevertheless, it was very well executed and you just feel so bad for this girl and utterly mortified when she loses her arm just because she tried to save her teammate. A teammate who abandons her, re-awakening her abandonment issues in the process. It was hard to watch, but it was very well done and Yang’s character only goes up from this point.

#3. Weiss Development

While Weiss’ part in the volume isn't too major, her development in the first half of the volume is freakin’ great. While we had heard enough to know that Weiss's father probably sucked, this one made that much more clear and V4 hammered that in even more. We see pretty classic abuse tactics here. Jaques tries to call Weiss, and it seems like this has been going on for a while. My HC is that he receptionist lady that Weiss talked to in V2 likely told him that Weiss called but didn’t want to talk, and that caused Jaques to increase how frequently he called her. Weiss continues to ignore it, so Jaques strips her of her income so that she can't so much as buy lunch for herself. A clear warning to Weiss that even when in another continent, she’s still under her father’s lock and key.

But then Winter arrives. While she’s stern and kinda cold, Winter is clearly a good influence in Weiss’ life and a caring older sister. She not only tries to help Weiss learn her Summoning glyph, but she reveals that Jaques used the exact same method of cutting her off that he did on Weiss. Why? Because Winter joined the military and refused to remain under her father’s grip any longer. She managed to break away, and she encourages Weiss to do so as well. She’s on the right path via attending Beacon and fighting for her right to go there, and now she has the freedom to keep exploring the world and learning about herself. This gets Weiss to once more hang up on her father, determined to cut away from him for good and continue on her own path. 

It’s a powerful moment and really the sign that Weiss has truly broken free of her previous hateful midset. She’s a much kinder person than she was in V3, shown when she rejects the idea that Yang attacked Mercury unprovoked. In the Battle for Beacon, she defends Velvet, a Faunus and that allowed her to awaken her Summoning glyph. Sadly, as we all know, the Fall fo Beacon happened and Jaques took advantage of it to force Weiss to come back home. It is utterly tragic because Weiss finally got her freedom, and in an instant, it was yanked away from her. But because of these events, Weiss wasn’t going to remain a prisoner for long, and Jaques could control her no longer.

#2. Everything From PvP to The End of the Beginning

Yeah, I couldn't narrow it down to just one aspect. These final four episodes of V3 (PvP, Battle of Beacon, Heroes and Monsters, and The End of the Beginning) were just... freakin’ fantastic. It might be the four best consecutive episodes in the series as a whole. These mark the end of the Beacon Era. From this point on, the series changes big time. Things get darker. Characters are forced to mature. The stakes go up and have yet to go back down. The days of wacky school antics end here, and our heroes’ lives change to the point of no return.

IDK what to truly say tbh. All of the fights were freakin’ fantastic. Penny’s death, while heartbreaking, was appropriately dreadful as well as Cinder’s speech. The Grimm attack felt horrifying, but all the students rising up to fight back and act as true Huntsmen and Huntresses were freakin’ amazing. This was Roman’s last hurrah, and he was as fun as ever. Him dying sucked, but he brought it onto himself and Ruby interfering with him one last time, taking out Neo, and destroying the ship and taking out the Queen’s Virus was epic. But of course, Cinder gets the Maiden powers, the Wyvern attacks, and in the end, Beacon falls. But Cinder doesn't get to enjoy it, as it ends with Ruby awakening her Silver Eyes, and Cinder’s victory ends in her being brought down. Brutally. She got her power, but she was still defeated by and made to feel powerless. Which she hates more than anything else. All because of one little girl. 

The end of the volume is super depressing. Beacon is overrun by Grimm. Vale has been damaged. Weiss is forced back home. Blake runs away. Yang is depressed and demoralized. JNR lost a teammate. The villains all escaped. Ozpin is missing. Everything looks bleak. But there is still hope. Despite how she herself feels, Ruby decides that she still needs to fight on and go after the villains' trail to prevent this from happening again. She leaves home with JNR, determined to get to Mistral and make sure that no one else suffers like she and everyone at Beacon did. Dark times are ahead, but our heroes will recover, and they will forge on. But, of course, it ends with us finally meeting Salem for the first time, and we know that things are about to get much, much crazier from that point on.

This was a great series of episodes. It was dark and depressing but also shows how much the human spirit will persist and that there will always be heroes who rise up. It appropriately brought the show into its next stage, and it’s just as great of a watch as it was in 2016. But, of course, there is one thing that I glossed over while going over this. So... let's go ahead and talk about that.

#1. Pyrrha Nikos

This was, sadly, the final volume for Pyrrha. And they made sure to make this her story as much as possible. Pyrrha is recruited to be the Fall Maiden due to her world-class fighting abilities. She is understandably uncomfortable but willing to do it in order to protect people. But then she finds out that it may cost her who she is, and she is understandably terrified. We see how uncertain she is after, and who can blame her? Once again, her famous status has overcome anything else about her. But this time, she not only learned of some kind of mass world conspiracy but if she agreed to go through with the Aura Transfer, she may not be the same person ever again. She felt that being a Huntress and fighting to protect people was her destiny, but now with it standing before her, can she take it when she’s being asked to give up so much? When everything that she thought that she new has been turned onto its head within mere hours?

Not even Jaune could have help her overcome this. In any other scenario, his words of accepting destiny would be the right thing. But for Pyrrha, it just made her an emotional wreck. The poor boy did everything right, but now he thinks that he did everything wrong. Then to make things worst. Pyrrha ended up killing Penny and it broke her. Fortunately Ruby and Jaune broke her out of it, but she ultimately accepted the Maiden deal. After all, with everything in chaos and lives on the line, what else can she do? But of course, it failed cause of Cinder, and despite Oz telling her and Jaune to leave and get help... Pyrrha made her choice then and there. She kissed Jaune, knowing that it’ll be the only chance that she got to revealing her feelings, before pushing him the locker. he looked at the boy that she loves one more time as he begs her to not go back. She launched him to safety, knowing that she will never see him again.

Pyrrha knew that if she went back into the tower, she wasn’t going to come back out alive. She knew that she was going to die. But she was a Huntress. She signed up for that life because she wanted to do good. She wanted to help people. he felt as if that was her destiny. Even though she knew that she couldn’t beat Cinder, it was her duty to fight. Whatever good that she could do, she decided to do. She went back in, and she gave it her all. And she gave Cinder one Hell of a fight. But of course, Cinder ultimately won. Pyrrha remained defiant to the end, accepting her fate. Cinder shoots Pyrrha with an arrow, and the girl that everyone thought was unbeatable, was reduced to ashes.

Pyrrha was a fantastic character. She was kind, caring, strong, and above all selfless. She aided and trained Jaune despite everyone else dismissing him as a buffoon. She encouraged Jaune in his pursuit fo Weiss, despite her own feelings towards him. Despite all the fear and doubt that she felt and Ozpin offering her an out at the very end, Pyrrha accepted the Maiden powers and whatever the end result would have been because it was the right thing to do. And despite knowing that doing so would end in her own death, Pyrrha still faced Cinder, willing to do whatever she could do to stop Cinder. While she died, it wasn't in vain as Ruby’s arrival ensured that Cinder’s victory would cost her. A true pyrrhic victory.

In the end, Pyrrha embodied what a true Huntress should be. Selfless, dedicated, and willing to make the ultimate sacrifice to protect the people. Even now, the impact of her death can be felt. Jaune, of course, was broken by it and it wasn't until V6 that he began to find closure and move on. Ruby still feels guilty over how she failed to save her and has PTSD from it and V5 and demonstrated. Team JNPR will never truly feel whole again after the loss. But even so, they all have pushed forward and have decided to keep living. For Pyrrha. Even in death, she’ll still always be there with them, and they can continue to honor her memory. Pyrrha may be gone, but her spirit will always live on.

Okay! That’s that! So... on to Volume 4! Which there will be a Dislikes post for that one, but also a Likes post! So be on the lookout for those~!

[janiedean]

What do you think would have happened if Jaime never lost his hand? Would something in his relationship with Brienne change? Would Cersei react differently to him coming back, and would it take him longer to Realize Things if that was the case? (Sorry if you already answered asks like that!)

in order:

the main premise is that I don’t think that he had to lose the hand to make up for his wrongdoings or for karmic justice - it’s narrative karma maybe, but it’s made exceedingly clear that it wasn’t something he deserved or called for, especially because he loses it in a context where he has kind of risked in order to save brienne’s hide in both books and show, so like... I don’t think he deserved it or needed to lose it to go back to who he wanted to be because he was a perfectly good person with the hand before he enrolled in the kg, it’s not like people deserve to suffer to find the good part of themselves or redeem themselves. like, I see in a lot of places that the hand loss starts him on the new redemptive path and like....... it starts making him face all the things he didn’t want to, but it doesn’t start his redemption or anything at least imvho;

that said: as stated before, he lost it after trying to bargain with the bloody mummers after he took a fairly bad risk telling them that brienne’s virginity was worth sapphires and save her from being raped when at the same time he’s like OMG THIS ASSHOLE IT’S HER FAULT IF WE GOT CAUGHT and he could have just not done that... except he did. so like..... he was already doing the right thing and he was already giving a shit even if he didn’t even realize why. like, he still went out of his way for her;

like, I’m of the opinion that forcing those two together in the same place on their own for a long time would have made things come out and realize that they aren’t what they thought at first sight, so if he hadn’t lost the hand they still would have shared a fairly bad road trip with people who were horrible to them and they still would have bonded just differently;

like eventually I think that they’d have gotten to the same place eventually, the hand loss just sped things up;

also: he was already starting to get bothered by how brienne Was Her Knightly Self way before he lost the hand and had to start questioning himself and so on, and he already got under her skin from before, so it’s not like they couldn’t have reached that point regardless, also because at the bottom of it they get each other and want the same things;

now, what would have changed is that... like, the crux of jaime’s issues is that he uses isolation, his skills and self-deprecating sarcasm as a defense mechanism in the sense that until he has cersei/the three people he cares about and his swordsmanship he doesn’t just refuse to see he has issues or to face them, he’s in utter complete denial that he has them. like, it’s mr. I Dissociate If Things Go Bad And I’ve Done It Since I Was Fifteen If Not Earlier. but he also sees the swordsmanship as the one thing he’s good at and For Which He’s Useful, so the moment you take that away, he gets hit in the face with everything he didn’t want to deal with until that point without being able to go away inside or brush it off. if he didn’t lose that hand he might realize some of it, and if he got the same relationship with brienne or similar he still would have realized that he didn’t necessarily want what cersei did and so on, but he wouldn’t have had to face his issues that strongly. like part of the point is that he has to realize (he still hasn’t yet) that whether he has the hand or not it doesn’t change who he is or his worth and he can’t realize that if he still has it, so he’d lose that part of his arc and he wouldn’t quite get there most likely;

what would change re c. is... complicated I suppose because she wouldn’t make it obvious that she’s disgusted by his lack of hand and therefore make it obvious to him as well, but he also knew that she’d hate him looking differently from her when he looked at his reflection out of the dungeons in the beginning of asos before he lost the hand, so...... I mean, the moment he showed up in KL wanting to keep his vows and so on (because he would have, traveling with the bloody mummers even without losing the hand would have done the trick imo) she’d have gone like THE HELL ARE YOU DOING and... they’ve been separated for two years-ish, he would most likely see it. it might have taken longer to break it off, but i think that if he realized that he wanted different things he still would have gotten there eventually, just not as fast. especially if during the time apart he connected with someone else on a way deeper level than he ever connected with c. because like....... he thinks he connected with c. but eventually they don’t want the same things and have nothing in common, with brienne they have the same dreams (had them in his case) and she’s a kindred spirit on a way deeper level, and since one of his issues is that he doesn’t have connections to people that aren’t his family the moment he had one.... it would have effects on him regardless.

tldr: I think he’d have gotten to more or less the same place he’s now technically because he could have done all the good things he did without the hand even with it, the potential always was there, the problem is that I don’t think he’d have realized that all his worth resides in his (shining) personality and that he actually has the shining personality and he’s not his sister, and if he loses the hand he’s forced to confront it without being able to rely on any of his usual ways out... which in this case he would not get rid completely. like I think the hand loss is a fundamental part of his arc because it forces him to face his own issues without a way out and to rebuild himself from the (good) ground he already had up, not because it sets him on the redemptive path or because he deserved it for having done shitty things - he already had the potential, he already was doing Not Terrible Things before losing it, it’s not that he needed to lose the hand to do things that weren’t shitty. he needed to face his issues and the problem is that he has so much fucking issues/so much unpacked trauma that it was going to take an extremely traumatic event to force him to face it instead of going away inside, so like..... I think without it you’d get someone who got to the same point but without the level of self-awareness he’s reached/that he has and who might fall back on unhealthy coping methods if something goes wrong and who’d always rely on being able to kill his problems because he’s good enough that he can. like, the problem is that he should have dealt with his issues way earlier in order to not get to the point where his trauma has festered so much that it’s either that wake-up call or he can’t get to the root of it. especially because in the real world he could have gone to therapy/he might have realized it in other ways, but in westeros/his situation and with his tendency for self-isolation, either he left KL and went to the quiet isle just after killing aerys or left KL and went somewhere without traumatic memories attached to it then he could have worked through his issues early enough, but as it is? eh. I mean, again, the hand loss forces him to face his issues. but it says nothing about who he is or his relationships - he gave a shit about brienne before, he wasn’t an irredeemable asshole before, he had all the potential before, it wouldn’t have changed that. it’d have changed his relationship with his unhealthy/bad coping methods ie he could still fall back into them at any given moment because he tied them also to his swordsmanship and like.... tldr if he sees it as Why He’s Useful And The Only Good Thing He’s Good At, if he doesn’t lose the hand he never realizes that It Has Literally Nothing To Do With His Usefulness And That He Doesn’t Need It To Have Worth. like, that is what changes imo. but I don’t think it would have overall impact on how the story went, except that if grrm wants his characters with trauma to actually work through it and get over it completely and drastically he wasn’t going to go there if you see where I’m headed ;)

[thisiswhymomworries]

i dont want to intrude but how do you know if youre autistic? i feel like a number of "symtoms" fit me and it would explain certain things like i hate touching people, certain sounds feel like theyre cutting into my ears and certain textures like boiled carrots and manchester pants disgust me. but im also like, functioning? it doesnt really impact me cause i can work through them if i have to. am i allowed to id as autistic on the lighter spectrum? or are they just normal quirks?

I’ve just found that I have a lot of the traits and identify so much with other people who are autistic that it really just makes sense to me that I am too. right now I’m not pursuing a medical diagnosis because 1) I’m extremely lucky to be in an environment and life situation that I can function on my own so I don’t need any sort of disability; 2) disabled people (and the EOC on my employment application did include autism) can be paid literally whatever in the US, there is no minimum wage; 3) I’m busy dealing with my transition right now and don’t want to add another thing on top of it, especially if any cis doctor or therapist down the line could start using an autism diagnosis to claim I’m not really transgender for bullshit reasons

as for the spectrum, I think this article (written by an autistic person) is REALLY great at explaining what that actually means. it isn’t a spectrum from high-functioning to low-functioning; it’s a spectrum of different traits affecting different aspects of your life. for some people, these traits and the aspects affected (especially social skills and the ability to verbalize) clearly mark them as autistic and make it difficult for them to “”function”” in an allistic world. but that’s really only because the world doesn’t accommodate them. the article includes an interview from an autistic man with great social skills and a strong ability to empathize and understand how other people think and feel, but who couldn’t speak. so it was assumed he had a much lower intelligence than he really did and was “”low-functioning”” when actually he was very intelligent and could have done a lot more for himself if he could have communicated through computer much earlier

for me personally, I know my ability to function is entirely due to the wonderful job I have. it can get frustrating at times, but I basically sit at a desk in a library and occasionally answer questions when people come up to the desk and ask. there’s not a lot of physical activity, I don’t need too much social skills, and there’s no stress or pressure. I’m also able to only work 30 hours a week and still support myself. I know if I had to work a physical, stressful job for 40-60 hours a week, I would constantly have breakdowns and ultimately be unable to care for myself

so aside from the stigma of what autistic traits make some “high” or “low” functioning--I have huge sensory issues with taste and texture in food, so I’m a very “picky” eater, and while that has led to a lot of judgment and a borderline eating disorder, no one has ever said I can’t take care of myself and shouldn’t be allowed to be independent over it the way autistic people who have mobility issues, are nonverbal, or lack social skills can often be infantilized--there’s also a huge difference in environment

anyway, my point with this whole functioning tangent is that the flip side of the stigma leaves people deemed “high functioning” without much help or resources. autism is a different method of processing for your brain, not a mental illness. you don’t have to base your ID off how well you function or whether or not it’s causing you to suffer in your daily life. the article I linked to provides a great list of different autistic traits far better than I could cover, and with a really good explanation for how they can manifest in your life. imo, if you find other autistic people make way more sense than allistics, you recognize multiple symptoms/traits in your own life and personality, and that stays consistent after doing research, you’re probably autistic ^^