#this movie was just so bad y'all

[frommybookbook]

#9: Marlowe (2022)

For my Marlowe Movie Master List, we're starting off with both the worst of the 9 adaptations and the most recent: the 2022 Marlowe, starring Liam Neeson and Diane Kruger and made for Amazon Prime.

I don’t have much to say about this movie because I couldn’t make it past the first 10 minutes. It’s not even an adaptation of a Raymond Chandler novel, it’s based on some 2014 novel that “features” Philip Marlowe and I’m going to assume it completely misses the point of hardboiled fiction. I'm tempted to say this doesn't make it a true Philip Marlowe movie, but if the James Bond movies after License to Kill count as canon for that fandom, then this does too.

Normally I love Liam Neeson and Diane Kruger so much that I’m willing to give them the benefit of the doubt in anything but this was just awful from the first scene. Neither one seemed to be making any effort—Neeson wasn’t even attempting to do an American accent (neither was Kruger but that may have been in character for her, I can’t say). Even the background shots playing behind the opening credits were a caricature of Golden Age Hollywood and the LA of the 30s. I have no intention of giving this one a second chance because there’s too many other good movies out there I haven’t seen.

Overall movie score: 0/5, I couldn’t get through the first scene

Marlowe score: 0/5, Neeson wasn’t even trying, for crying out loud he didn't even attempt to do an American accent

Perry Mason score: 0/5, unsurprisingly there weren't any Perry Mason actors of any sort involved with this film

For a reminder of why I started this series and how I'm rating these movies, you can check out my master Marlowe post. I'll be posting my reviews/rankings of the remaining 8 Marlowe movies using the tag #Marlowe movies so if you're interested, follow along!

[ninja-knox-ur-sox-off]

Y’ALL THE MARKETING TEAM DID PIXAR’S ELEMENTAL SO DIRTY

[domi091]

TELL EVERYBODY I'M ON MY WAYYY!!

[ssaalexblake]

feel like knowing the difference between a show/movie that has been made for adult consumption but has been totally defanged and sanitised by removing all blood and colourful language to keep the rating down so it can have a wider and younger audience, and a piece of media that was Always made to be consumed by children/young adults and is therefore deliberately made to predominantly work for those age groups, is an important skill for media analysis that many in fandom lack.

[catnip411]

Unfortunately I am not gifted with the gift of creative writing, but I desperately want more fanfiction of Lisa and the creature. Like I know it only came out Friday but like imagine fanfiction of just them hanging out in her room between the action of the movie.

[lususnatura]

RANDOM HEADCANON GENERATOR.

blamore can beat you up and will.

it listens to 80s music.

blamore is an extrovert.

if someone they knew committed a crime, they would cover for them.

blamore watched the sonic movie.

they like board games, but no one else wants to play with them.

blamore is not allowed to drink energy drinks.

they desperately need a hug but don't know it and refuse to ask for one.

blamore is the gay cousin.

it bullies kids on roblox.

tagged by: @babydxhl!

tagging: @peranarkia, @byanyan, @divingdownthehole, @the-arkham-librarian, and anyone else who'd like to participate in this!

[clownleys]

What was the film that you saw at a midnight screening? I'd love to go an event like that!

it was some b-movie screening at my local theatre! ✨

they host events like that every other month and i adore the atmosphere there!! everyone is blatantly cracking their sodas open the second opening credits roll, the audience is bursting with laughter one dialogue line at the time and the last time i was there a cute girl offered me a package of wasabi-coated peanuts (she's just discovered she hates them). we established common ground over that

i think this particular one was birdemic 2? which might paint you the picture better than i did!

[chilewithcarnage]

in the same vein as the previously reblogged post, i saw this post this morning by a white lesbian complaining about how, like, people that stan eeao focus on ke huy quan's character too much and his relationship with his wife, when the main focus of the movie is supposed to be the mother-daughter relationship and a young woman coming to accept her sexuality. and it's like, okay...you know two things can be true at once and can exist simultaneously. like thats the point of the movie; its about everything. and personally speaking, the many praises and meta ive seen on here (by at least mutuals and people i follow) the conversation about these things has never felt unbalanced.

[ijustreallylikecaptainamericaok]

Ah, I see we're apparently moving from the "the Infinity Saga was totally perfect, amazing, and untouchable while the Multiverse Saga is nothing but trash" rewriting of history narrative to "maybe the MCU was just always bad." Goodie.

I'm so tired.

[skreekies]

The phenomenon of people criticizing and bashing movies that have yet to release in full perplexed me even when I was a child and it still does today. What are you guys doing

[writtentragedies]

sabrina and i, for some reason, decided to torture ourselves by watching the RE live actions lmao

[saphirus]

Madame Web may be a ridiculous movie but it has one thing all the past mcu movies don't: good cinematography.

[idiosyncraticrednebula]

I clicked on a video essay about Snow White and off the rip, the guy called Snow White a "passive domestic weirdo with no personality" and quickly figured out he is one of THOSE critics. He also got one about Ariel and you bet your ass he is one of these "gave up her voice for a man", "The Little Mermaid is misogynistic" dipshits. I have yet to watch the video, but I know for a fact he is one of those guys. His videos reek of that smartass, sanctimonious, leftist bullshit just by reading the titles and looking at the thumbnails. This guy also has a video defending Twilight. You can't make this damn shit up.

[yousaytomato]

this is insane. who are you people

[anixknowsnothin]

I've forgiven a lot of people for saying shit but one thing a person said has consumed my thoughts since the morning

[shadowthestoryteller]

When the hyperfixation that you've been tapping into for dopamine for the last few days starts to run dry