#this morning i had the intention to screenshot it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

namism · 2 months ago

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take me back | hange zoë

➳ categories: modern au, ex hange, female reader, angst

➳ word count: 11.7k

➳ summary: Hange Zoë realized that they didn't account for a lot of things before ending your relationship.

➳ notes: for everyone's reference, nifa, abel, and keiji are members of the fourth squad (hange's squad) and this fic was lowkey inspired by the lyrics of "kiss me better" by rihanna (don't ask lmfao it's so random). also, if you'd like, please read this on ao3 instead as i worked my butt off coding (yes, i coded instead of using screenshots) your DM's with hange. the version on tumblr is just a bunch of words, so the ao3 version is worth the read! you can find the link below :)

➳ cross-posted on ao3

ONE.

Five seconds before Hange ended your relationship, they noticed their hand clench tightly into a fist.

Three seconds later, they relaxed their hand before sucking in a deep breath and saying the three words you had always dreaded.

"Let's break up."

After three minutes of constant denial, you finally sucked up to your lover's—ex-lover's—decision and promptly stormed out of your apartment. It wasn't until the next morning did you come back to the shared space to pack your things and leave, not even daring to look at Hange's direction as you stowed away items into numerous moving boxes.

Hange remembers telling themselves to behave before you visited the apartment one last time. Knowing themselves, they would have said something stupid with the intention of taking back their words to get you back. Just before you strutted into the living room, Hange talked themselves through their crazy ideas in the mirror, eventually deciding to withdraw to the confines of their study in fear of interfering with your purposeful packing and making matters worse.

Hange got the signal from your tabby cat that you were out the door when it started making noise at the entryway. Its nonstop meowing was the go-signal for Hange to emerge from their study to find the apartment completely dulled down as it lacked the color that once filled the room.

It wasn't until near midnight that they decided to get something to eat after more than 24 hours of not having had a proper meal. With the intention of snacking a bit before hopping back on call with Levi and Erwin (their current emotional support duo who were surprisingly amazing at providing comfort), Hange walked over to the fridge to grab something to eat. When they opened the refrigerator, however, a green sticky note posted on the door caught their attention.

Adjusting their crooked glasses, Hange read the writing aloud.

"Cat food in drawer. Ask Nanaba for feeding schedule. Molecular kits to be sent this week. Nori hidden in pantry. Check all sockets. Check stove. Prepped food in fridge..."

It was at that moment Hange knew how badly they messed up. Written telegraphically, you had fit as many words as you could in the little sticky note to list all the essentials that only you would know how to do around the flat and the ones that Hange easily forgot to do. As another wave of sadness washed over them, Hange bitterly ransacked the fridge for an apple and a bottle of beer with decent alcohol content, then retreated to their study where Levi and Erwin chastised them over the screen for doing dumb and dumber things.

That essentially sums Hange's first 72 hours after breaking your heart into a million pieces. As a research scientist who's been confined at the lab for the past 15 years, those were by far the most uneventful 72 hours of their life. Hange found themselves weeping, drinking beer, ranting to Erwin and a less interested Levi, and sleeping for a maximum of two hours before doing it all over again in a never-ending cycle. It momentarily stopped when they had to work first thing the following Monday, but they relapsed quickly once they arrived home.

Hange couldn't remember the last time they drank that much beer. Their diet got worse as time passed, and thankfully Levi seemed to notice as he had come to their rescue the following evening by giving—drugging?—Hange with a sufficient dosage of melatonin in the black tea he offered. Much to Levi's surprise, Hange was down in 20 minutes without noticing a damn thing. They woke up the next morning, feeling lighter and well-rested.

Unbeknownst to them, Levi continued the routine with an appropriate concentration of melatonin until Hange was stable enough to be told the truth. They weren't bothered by the idea and were frankly more grateful than surprised. Over time, Erwin would swing by to share a cup (minus the dosage) only to leave the apartment with Levi after tucking Hange neatly in bed. Hange would wake up, feel energetically amazing despite the inevitable emptiness in their heart, and go to work.

TWO.

If you told Hange Zoë four years ago that there would come a time in which they would do something as dumb as breaking up with the only woman they were ever attracted to, you would have been called insane.

To be clear, Hange was never big on physical attraction. They were attracted to the weirdest, nerdiest, most mystifying things in the world, but attraction to humans? Certainly not. Hange Zoë, PhD (aged 27 and a certified organic chemist who had made at least a hundred drug-dealing jokes in the past eight years of studying), couldn't concern themselves with romance when it never crossed their mind to begin with. The only types of attraction they ever concerned themselves with were intermolecular forces (which they very much enjoyed learning in sixth grade chemistry) until they met you.

You were the perfect woman. Of that, they were certain. You began as friends in Hange's final year in university for their Bachelor's degree, but your friendship continued until Hange was halfway through their Master's. At that point, Hange felt as though your relationship was pretty solid given how often you spoke and saw each other outside campus. Before they knew it, they found themselves falling for you, their thoughts being muddled by images of your sweet face during the most random times of the day. Hange was wrapped around your finger and they couldn't get themselves to stop.

A month after that realization, Hange decided to ask you out in their own fashion—casually, but enthusiastic. You began dating some time after that and your relationship had been going strong ever since.

Now, after calling off the relationship with four years of dating and no rocky bumps on the road, Hange does, indeed, feel like an idiot. An imbecile. A dumbass, even. Blockhead. Nitwit. Stupid twit. A cretin. Hange could open the Cambridge Thesaurus and list out the synonyms for "idiot" because that's exactly what they are and there is no way of redeeming them from it.

"I just wished you would make the effort to spend time with me!" you exclaimed, eyebrows knitting in sorrow rather than anger, like Hange expected. "You can't even help me clean because you're so busy at your job, like— like I don't even exist sometimes to you."

Hange understands that it's their fault, but they cringe every time they recall the argument that led to the ultimatum. It started on the wrong foot. Looking back at it now, they suppose it was a chain of misunderstandings, one piling onto the other, until the tension finally snapped and dragged both of you into a full-blown argument.

"When the hell did I ever make you feel that way?!" they barked back, eyes wide and irises firm. They looked at you, waiting for an answer. "See?! You can't even answer me! Ridiculous!"

"I'm just— I'm just disappointed, okay?! Fuck, I don't know..." Head falling to your palms, you wiped your face in a stressed motion. "You never, and I mean this, you never—not once in our relationship—ever misunderstood me, so what's gotten into you? Aren't you're so clever, huh?! High IQ, high EQ?"

"Oh, please, in what world would I forget that my girlfriend exists?!" they yelled. You flinched at their tone. "I don't ghost you, I don't ignore you— I come home late, but damn, you don't know the guilt that eats me up every night because the only times I see you are when I go to bed and leave for work—"

"And who's at fault for your guilt but you?!" you retorted. "Hange, you"—you shoved a finger to their chest—"you're the one who can't take care of yourself because you're so invested in everything but your life at home! We haven't gone out in three months, like— like don't you think that's strange? Everyone is getting married, having kids, fuck, even my juniors are on their third night out of the week, yet you can't even take care of yourself unless I do it for you!"

The truth is, being obsessed with your job and anything that has to do with it is also detrimental to everyone who loves you. It never crossed Hange's mind because they haven't had this much on their plate since you started dating. There was always some time allotted for you at the end of the day, but things started to change lately.

On top of their regular job at the lab, Hange has four other things to do: tutor high schoolers for their admissions tests, teach as a part-time lab instructor at a private university, be a loving partner to their girlfriend, and be an equally loving parent to their adopted cat. Life hadn't always been like this, but they found themselves taking up more responsibilities over time until it was physically impossible to rest on most days. They couldn't even enjoy their weekends, for goodness' sake (because the high schoolers would always come knocking in their emails with more questions)—but if they were to take a break, they would return a day later to even more work.

Hange is simply not the type of person to live a peaceful life. Their peace is chaos; it doesn't help their mood when they aren't working on anything that stresses them out. Perhaps that's just the person they are. It should be okay to be this way, to always be in constant motion as long as the heart is followed and their happiness is fulfilled, but it isn't because they're risking so much of your relationship the more they work, work, and work.

You've always been supportive, but even your unconditional support can't realistically understand their position. Or that's what Hange thinks. They assume as such because your lifestyle is much freer than theirs. You have more time to yourself despite your regular 9-to-5 job. You don't have responsibilities outside of it and your personal life at home. Because of it, you decided to handle the work at the flat; Hange never had time for it anyway, much to their dismay. They had always wanted to help, but their schedule just never allowed it.

After a while, the chores automatically became your responsibility and never theirs. You had no problem with this. Hell, you even enjoyed it—you bonded with Hange's friend Levi over being clean freaks together as you always hated seeing mess. Although the duty of cleaning and keeping everything in check (including Hange and their health) soon became an irksome chore rather than something you enjoyed for the fun of it. The less Hange spent time with you, the more it annoyed you. You felt used, like some sort of maid. It was not a problem when you volunteered in a compassionate understanding of Hange's circumstances, but the least they could do was to make up for it by arriving home early or spending even a moment of intimacy.

But no, they had been so busy about other things that they couldn't provide the time. You hadn't gone out in almost three months to grab something to eat or go somewhere fun like you used to. You would take each other out to places you've never been to before regardless of how low-budget it was. You would have been happy with a simple late night trip to a fast food chain if it meant having your partner to yourself after months of no quality time, but such a trip just never came to be.

Witnessing Hange have a destructive breakdown whenever they came home exhausted was an even bigger problem. They never cried, but they were always so close to it. You would hear their frustration at one o'clock in the morning or through your heavy eyelids after being awoken by their wailing. When it got mentally tough, you would offer to stay up with them for comfort, but you were always sent back to bed or, worse, shut out from their study, where they isolated themselves.

They were awfully good at taking care of anything and anyone but themselves, so you felt the need to do it for them. And overall, the cause of your separation was a problem built on top of another. It was why you were so agitated when Hange could barely spend time with you, but your intentions came out wrong. You had explained all of this to them as you argued, yet they misunderstood your concerns as an insult to their work and commitment to your relationship.

Hange rolled their eyes as you cried. They were tired and had no time for this. They were running late for class and figured it would be cancelled at the last second because of your argument.

"Okay, let's get this over with—"

"You're mean. You're so mean, Hange." You slapped their hand away when they tried to touch you. Hange's face turned sour at your reaction. You were still crying.

"Please, can we just stop this?" they asked, voice sounding impatient. You glared at them with all your anger, but your gaze softened when Hange returned a look, weariness written across their face.

"I would never, ever, do this to you if I lived your life," you said softly. Hange remained silent. "I can do it all for you, so why can't you do it for me?"

You were right. Even with your freer schedule, you kept yourself busy with maintaining things at home that it technically felt like a second job. It didn't help your feelings when Hange was oblivious to the work and effort you did. When they cried to Erwin and Levi about this, the pair had opened their eyes to your side of the conflict and made Hange understand. Truly, they didn't account for a lot of things before ending your relationship: from the responsibility of feeding your cat and cleaning the house to understanding your partner's feelings.

Levi called Hange a moron for making you upset and a four-eyed loser for prioritizing "that nerd shit" over you. He had known Hange since high school and was aware of their insatiable obsession with science, even going as far as to believing that they would earn a Nobel Prize in Chemistry one day. Hence, when you started going out, Levi knew that they had fallen for you deeply, and anything that would break your bond could only be explained by supernatural phenomena or Hange's bewildering stupidity.

That said, Levi did the best he could to make Hange understand your viewpoint while Erwin patched their empty heart with anything but beer, apples, and Levi's special melatonin-infused black tea. Hange felt better having understood your feelings, so the next logical step was to talk it out with you for proper closure.

Except they couldn't.

You had already blocked Hange's number just days after the breakup, and your friends—unsurprisingly—weren't about to offer them any help.

THREE.

"Thanks for all of this, Nanaba."

It turns out that even with Hange's attempts at achieving the perfect work-life balance, they still can't master the duty of being a proper owner for the cat. Hange called Nanaba the day they saw your sticky note on the fridge, and since then, they have been keeping in touch with her for the cat's essentials. Hange has also been trying to manage their time better as a way of retribution that they can do better for your relationship, even though they no longer have any means of telling you (which is the harsh reality that they don't want to accept).

"Pfft, don't question it!" Nanaba pats Hange's shoulder as the cat rubs itself on her legs. "I would do anything for this little one! I've grown to like Ion so much, I want to keep him forever!"

"If only Miche wasn't allergic, I'm sure Ion would love to be your new owner," Hange jokes, mentioning Miche, one of Nanaba's roommates.

"Oh, you're just saying that. I'm sure you're a great owner. Sometimes you simply don't have the time to be perfect, and that's okay!"

Nanaba leaves a few moments later after giving Ion a much-needed head pat. Afterward, Hange and the cat decide it would be best to lounge at the living room couch and stare at the ceiling to absorb the quiet.

Ion struts over to the empty space by Hange's feet and lays his body flat. A few seconds later, he conforms his body into the oh-so-famous "catloaf" position, hiding his limbs and tail under his chunky body. Closing his eyes, Ion drifts off to sleep while a laying Hange watches the feline.

Ion, a male orange tabby Persian cat, is the devil reincarnate who happens to be your and Hange's practice child. Hange remembers you describing Ion to be the real-life twin of Garfield, the fictional cat who happens to be of the same breed. They recall questioning your choice at the adoption center upon hearing your many complaints of the feline's behavior, but you shook your head and snuggled the animal in your neck.

"This one's okay," you told them. The cat purred. "I need a little shit for a cat to entertain myself with whenever you aren't around. Also, it should be good training for a kid in the future."

Hange recalls bringing the cat home after a long day and trying their best to make friends with it. You chose the cat yourself, so it liked you more than it did Hange, but it didn't take long for it to start liking them.

"Hey, it likes me!" Hange cheered to themselves as the cat rested on their chest. You smiled. "I can't wait for it to like me better than you."

"You wish!" you retorted, seething with jealousy.

The cat was nameless for a few days as the both of you tried to come up with the perfect name, opting to call it "The Cat" for the meantime. You were against the common ones in favor of unique names, but you were also against certain names that could fool people into mistaking your cat for a human.

Hange kept suggesting the strangest names that were more often than not derived from scientific terms—you liked most of them, but they sounded too scientific for an orange cat who spends most days lazing around the flat. For lack of a better word, they sounded out of character.

That was only until Hange came home from a productive day at the lab, where they toured a bunch of interns and introduced them to their stations.

"Knock, knock," they began. You didn't reply. "You're supposed to say, 'Who's there?'"

"Is this another orange joke?" you asked. Hange shook their head.

"No! It's even better than that. Knock, knock."

You rolled your eyes, laughing.

"Who's there?"

"Cation."

"Cation who?"

"Can't ion-ly knock once? I'm positive you'll open up!"

You snickered.

"You and your silly jokes. Please don't tell me you were telling the interns knock-knock jokes at the lab all day."

"Ha-ha." Hange laughed slowly. "Wow, you totally figured it out!"

Suddenly, The Cat leaped onto Hange's shoulder, frightening them momentarily before being seized. The Cat struggled in Hange's arms as your partner hadn't learned the proper ways of holding a cat yet, but The Cat eventually nestled on their chest. A bright idea came to mind.

"Hange," you called out to them in excitement. They looked at you, intrigued. "What do you call a meowing ion?"

They thought about it silently.

Once they realized, they held up The Cat in the air, effectively surprising the feline.

"A cation!" they answered. They swayed The Cat around swiftly, confusing the poor animal who had no clue of what was to come. "You're a genius, (Y/N)! We should call this one Ion!"

It was a simple but nice name, one that you liked enough to give your partner the go-signal to name the cat as such. Ion seemed to like his name as he picked up on it quickly. It took him a week to get used to the one-syllable three-lettered name before it occurred to him that his two owners identified him with it.

At present, Hange watches Ion open his eyes and hop on the coffee table, sniffing the black tea they had prepared for themselves (this time, melatonin-free). Suddenly, he spots a particular item on the open shelf by the television and jumps over to inspect it, prompting Hange to move.

"No, Ion, get away from there."

Hange stands up from the couch and walks toward the cat. They heave it from the shelf with skilled hands, but it refuses to be picked up as it clings to a picture frame, its claws digging into the glass. Ion hugs the frame for dear life, but its grasp isn't enough to support the weight. One wrong move and it will fall.

"Ugh, put that down, you little cat! If that breaks, I swear to god!"

They manage to get the item out of its grasp when Ion is distracted. Hange decides to put the frame on their work desk in the study room, the one space in the entire apartment that the mischievous cat rarely enters, and believes it to be a fool-proof plan.

Despite all efforts, however, Ion leaps from Hange's hold and onto their work desk.

"Ion!" They grumble in frustration, seeing the cat sniff the picture frame and sit beside it. The photograph is special; it was a photo of you and Hange on your first anniversary that they never bothered to put down after the breakup because they've been clinging on to the little shimmer of hope that you would come back. It's one of the few traces they have left of you at home (and they're eternally grateful that you decided to leave it), so if the cat breaks it, it's over.

Another wave of sadness washes over them when Ion caresses the glass with his paw. Hange notices how he paws your face in the photograph, clearly missing your presence. They frown.

"I know, Ion. I miss her, too." They rub the cat's fur comfortingly. "I'm sorry for being stupid. If I could let you see her again, I would."

And they mean that. The cat misses you dearly and it breaks Hange's heart to imagine that it probably thinks you're dead. Hange isn't too deep into zoology to know if animals can understand human conflict, but they most likely don't. They suppose cat and human break ups are different.

Ion meows as his owner picks him up with a tight grip. He tries to reach out to the frame once more with his stubby limbs as Hange pulls him away from the desk, but he unleashes his claws in protest and grips Hange's shoulder in a devious attack.

"Ow— what the fuck!" Hange hisses as Ion's claws dig deep into their shoulder. They let go of Ion as he leaps back on top of the table, sitting beside the picture frame once more.

They palm their scratched shoulder, glaring at the cat.

"Alright, you want to stay in here like a sulking loser?! Fine by me!"

Hange leaves the study with the door open and the light fixture turned on just so they wouldn't forget to retrieve Ion later. As they walk to the bathroom to wash the wound and rub it with an ointment, they put on some music with the iPad Mini they rarely use.

When the device connects to their home network, a notification instantly appears on screen.

(Y/N) (L/N) recently added to their story.

Hange stands in front of the mirror, dumbfounded.

Not knowing what to do, they simply stare at the notification with raised eyebrows, feeling their chest get heavier by the second. They have an internal argument with their imaginary shoulder devil, who tempts them into clicking the notification. Nothing can go wrong, right? Well, it's just social media—yet their angelic side knocks into their conscience in hopes of waking them up from the temptation, serving as some sort of warning for any consequence that is to come the moment they snoop around your social media. Hange doesn't do anything long enough for the notification banner to disappear, effectively sealing their decision to ignore it—

Hange clicks on the notification at the last second.

The Instagram app opens, then it loads the first photo you added to your story an hour ago.

Great job, Hange. You're responsible for your actions and for your broken heart! They think.

Once your Instagram story loads, Hange recognizes you in a group photo with your friends from university. Dressed in comfortable clothing and makeup done so beautifully, Hange thinks you look stunning as usual. You look no different from the last time they saw you, but they're not quite sure how you're doing behind the sweet smile you have on your face.

Or perhaps they're just projecting their own sadness and can't fathom the idea of you moving on from them. It's a selfish thought coming from the person who initiated the break up, but they yearn so hard for you to still be in love with them against all odds.

Who's a sulking loser now? They think again.

They tap through your story, thoughts continuing to barrage their mind until the last one catches them off guard.

It seems pretty normal: a photo of the sunset with a song from an artist you like playing in the background, not until they notice the little green icon at the topmost part of the screen. They're still in your Close Friends.

They squint their eyes and read the small text at the bottom of the image.

let me see ion one more time pls. i miss everything

"What the hell?"

Breathing in deeply, Hange steps away from the iPad in shock. Dramatic, they know—and there is absolutely no way that this is real since they have been blocked from your contacts just a few days after the breakup, but knowing you, this is something that you would totally do. And it's not like you voiced out to see them—you wanted to see Ion, the cat. Hange should be jealous that the cat gets your attention in this scenario, but knowing you (yet again), you would never be the one to articulate that kind of desire. Regardless, Hange knows that you still want them. Or they pray that you do.

You must. You have to.

Hange is just surprised that they chanced upon your story since they haven't opened their Instagram account in months, and truth be told, they only had one for the sake of having a social media presence that isn't Facebook. Suddenly, the pain in their shoulder fades away, and their only goal is to find some way to respond without sounding like a selfish asshole.

They should post a story with just you in their Close Friends, something that would totally shock you like how you shocked them. Hange believes it's an amazing plan until they try to execute it. Well, they had never posted anything on their story before. Everything that they ever posted on the platform went directly to their feed which over time became a messy jumbled dump of random photos. They don't have many followers, either. You had once called them a "shitposter" with a "garbage dump of a feed", which tells Hange enough that they probably shouldn't proceed with the plan.

So, they settle for your private messages with a direct reply to your story.

Upon opening your direct messages, however, Hange's heart sinks. You didn't block them on Instagram, much less take down the customized settings in your private chat, so everything stayed the same as before as if nothing ever happened: your nickname is still "My Darling Dearest", while theirs is a matching "my beloved". Your chat theme is still the "Love" theme on Instagram with your back-and-forth messages colored pink.

Hange thinks of what to say, what to type. This will be your first conversation since the breakup, after all. They shouldn't mess it up by saying something stupid.

An idea comes to mind. Hange hurriedly exits the bathroom, iPad Mini in hand, and enters their study. They find Ion in the same position as before, laying beside your picture frame as he paws on your photograph. Hange tucks the iPad in between their armpit and seizes Ion from behind.

"A-ha! Gotcha!" Rejoicing, Hange carries the cat out of the study as he instantly goes feral in their hold. They restrain his paws as much as they can while they talk Ion into doing them a favor. "Please, Ion, don't you want to see your mother again? (Y/N)?"

At the sound of your name, the cat calms down and Hange sighs.

Man, this cat has issues.

With the behaved cat, Hange sits on the couch and places Ion on their lap, belly facing them. The cat looks at them in confusion, watching his owner pull out the iPad and excitedly open the Camera app to take a photo of his vulnerable form.

"Mrao?" the cat asks.

"Just stay still," they order.

Ion makes a face of disapproval and shuts his eyes tightly, stretching his limbs out as he tries to contain his annoyance. He wants to see you again, even if it means just staring at your photograph and burning your image in his head, as opposed to being captured and taken photos of like a show animal. He loves Hange for feeding him and taking care of him, but why would they separate him from you? He misses you so much.

"Looks good enough." Ion hears Hange mumble to themselves. He meows another time in a questioning tone to ask if the job is finally done so that he can go back to admiring your photograph. When Hange puts him down on the ground, he bolts for the study.

Meanwhile, Hange stares at the messages they had sent you on Instagram.

my beloved: Heyy... Ion misses you too... my beloved: Attached Image my beloved: hahahahhaaafh :') Seen

They sound like a nervous wreck, akin to a middle schooler who's confessing to someone for the very first time in fear of rejection. Hange doesn't expect you to reply right away, so they stow away the iPad on the coffee table while they scream into one of the couch pillows to relieve their stress. Suddenly, the device vibrates.

Hange is looking at the notification in no time.

My Darling Dearest: thank you

Their heart leaps out of their chest. You replied. You actually replied. It's a simple thank you that probably doesn't mean much to anyone else, but it means the entire world to them given the current circumstances. Hange breaks into a grin as they stand up from the couch and pace around the living room, rereading your two-word reply over and over again.

my beloved: Of course of course, don't mention it!!! my beloved: Sorry for the exclamation points, I'm not shouting :( Seen

Their celebration ends quickly, however, as Hange curses to themselves upon typing a stupid response with the apology at the end. They take a deep breath. Okay, Hange. Don't mess this up now!

They watch as the read receipt appears at the bottom of their message. A small bubble with three dots appears then disappears every so often. You continue to type for the next 30 seconds and Hange grows anxious.

When you don't reply, their shoulders fall.

"Just my luck," they mutter. Hange is left at read even after six minutes of waiting. At this point, they can't identify the best course of action after getting ignored. They guess that it's better than being left at delivered, and that they should be grateful that you replied in the first place, so they exit the app and admit defeat.

But they come back running a minute later after having realized that they should initiate. Of course you wouldn't want to talk to Hange after they broke your heart—even if you still love them dearly, it's only appropriate if you refrain from any kind of interaction... yet you had replied to their message when you could have just totally ghosted them, removed your cute chat decorations, and blocked them on every social media platform there is to exist.

Hange isn't giving up on your relationship. They can't give up on you.

my beloved: To tell you the truth, I saw your story earlier and I figured that you might want to see Ion again my beloved: I understand if you don't want to see me, but I can drop him off my beloved: He misses mom a lot! D: Seen

Hange observes just how fast you read their message and smiles to themselves when they see you typing. They're glad they pulled the "our-son-misses-you" card as it seemed to be enough to get your attention. Hange looks at their study, remembering the cat who's snuggled up with your photo. Ion would be more than delightful to hear about this.

My Darling Dearest: tomorrow 2 PM. my beloved: Oh okay!! my beloved: May I ask where? 😅 My Darling Dearest: i'm staying at nifa's my beloved: We will be there! Seen

Hange giggles, kicking their feet. They throw the iPad on the couch and run to the study. Picking up Ion from the work desk, they hoist the cat in the air as they celebrate. "We did it! We're seeing (Y/N) tomorrow!"

"Miaow!"

"I know! Okay, I'm giving you a bath tonight." Hange puts him down and lets the cat roam free. Suddenly, they remember that they have work tomorrow. It's currently Sunday afternoon and their workload is calling their name. "Fuck."

Running their fingers through their hair, they shake their head. It shouldn't matter. They have more important things to attend to.

FOUR.

"Look, I'm sorry for being an asshole. I reflected on everything I said the past month and I understand that I was wrong. Please, from the bottom of my heart, can you give me a second chance?"

"Wrrrao!"

"Ugh, get up. We're both bad at this."

Ion meows angrily a second time when Hange picks him up. It's his call of hunger. He demands food and water because he's Hange's (and your) precious cat who can do no wrong, like the king of the flat, the king of everything. Hange situates Ion on their shoulder and lets him balance there as they prepare the cat food that Nanaba had sent yesterday. He smugly watches Hange plate his meal and promptly hops off their shoulder once they put his pet bowl on the ground. While Ion digs into his breakfast, Hange disappears into the bedroom and locks themselves inside to be left alone with their thoughts.

Ever since you consented to seeing Ion—and Hange—yesterday afternoon, they decided to call in sick at work. Once that problem was out of the way (which, to their surprise, was a fairly easy process), they decided to craft an apology to rehearse if they ever find the time to insert a small discussion in your "casual" meeting.

"That's great to hear, Hange!" Erwin told them last night over FaceTime. Hange had to break the news to someone other than the cat, and since Erwin (and Levi) had been there for them since day one, they decided to tell him immediately. They were hoping to get his opinion on the matter, maybe some word of advice and a 101 on "how-to-approach-your-ex-girlfriend". But Erwin was empty-handed, equally clueless as he hadn't been in their shoes before; he never tried to get back together with an ex. He was hopeful, though. "Sorry about that. In any case, I believe you can handle it on your own. No one knows her better than you."

But Hange isn't handling this as well as they'd hoped. Usually quick with words, they thought finding the right ones for their apology would come naturally, but it hasn't. Every attempt feels clumsy, every phrase falls short. The weight of the moment presses on them, and the uncertainty of how this meeting will unfold only makes it worse. It could go right, or it could go wrong—but Hange can't shake the sinking feeling that the odds of success have never felt slimmer.

Hange wonders what's running through your mind. Did you sleep well last night after your conversation? Are your friends warning you it's a bad idea to meet up with your ex? Or maybe you're considering canceling altogether? They figure that's unlikely, though—after all, you've missed Ion like crazy. Your bond with Ion (Hange chuckles softly at their own chemistry joke) is far too strong for you to say no to seeing him. Still, they wouldn't blame you if you canceled. After all, who'd want to face the person who shattered their heart?

Regardless, Hange has been rehearsing countless scenarios, crafting a plan for every possible outcome if things don't go their way. They've already revised their apology at least four times, hoping one version will hit the right note when they see you this afternoon. In one scenario, they picture knocking on your old friend and roommate Nifa's door, leaving Ion on the doorstep, and waiting out of sight until you step outside to find him sitting there, alone on the mat. Then, they'd emerge—calm, composed—and launch into their carefully prepared speech. In another, they imagine standing at the doorway, holding Ion and a bouquet of flowers, their nerves barely hidden. They'd offer you both—flowers and cat alike—with a heartfelt apology for their foolish mistakes, hoping it's enough to bridge the gap they created.

As they sit in silence, though, Hange thinks they're going overboard. You would probably appreciate it if they brought you something other than the cat, but spoiling you with flowers and some other romantic shit when you aren't together anymore just sounds... pathetic. Pitiful. It feels like they're begging for your love through material possessions when they shouldn't. They hurt you with their words, their gestures, so they might as well patch it up by promising to do better and showing it all through their actions.

So Hange arrives with just the cat. No flowers, no chocolates, none of that romantic stuff. Just them, Ion, their keys, and wallet.

Breathing in, Hange rings the doorbell. They arrived pretty early—it's still 1:46 PM, but your and Nifa's old apartment used to be on the other side of town so they had to leave the flat early. As they wait to be let in, they stroke Ion's orange fur and pray to a transcendent being that everything will be okay.

FIVE.

A month away from Hange feels longer than it should have been. A month is a year in your book, and on some days, it feels even longer.

It's the aftermath of a breakup—an unwelcome shadow that lingers over your life. Even with a regular job to keep you busy, Hange's words haunt you, often pushing you to the brink of a breakdown. You can't seem to escape it. The moment you're alone with nothing to distract you, the discomfort creeps in, settling like a heavy knot in your stomach. Whether it lasts three minutes or five, it always ends the same, your tears threatening to spill as the weight becomes too much to bear.

To your luck, your old roommate Nifa had provided you amazing company while you tried to mend your broken heart. You met her in university when you moved out from your hometown and lived within the residence halls for the duration of your undergraduate program. When your friend group expanded, the both of you moved out of the dorms with Abel and Keiji into a four-bedroom apartment near campus, which became your home until you decided to move in with Hange three years ago. Hence, when you stormed out of your apartment after the breakup with nothing but your phone and wallet, Nifa was the first person you called.

She welcomed you to your old home with open arms, followed by Abel and Keiji who came running back home to tackle you into a group hug. You had been away for so long that they almost didn't recognize you—you had grown since you had last seen them five months ago, but you ought to think that it was the stress taking a toll on your body.

The merriment of your return drifted away as you explained to the boys why you visited. They comforted you for the rest of the evening and offered every kind of help. To say they were disappointed about the news was an understatement. Abel and Keiji were upset to learn the details, while Nifa exploded into flames—they found it absurd that Hange broke up with you and not the other way around.

"Seriously, why would someone do that to the sweetest girl out there?!" Nifa exclaimed, eyebrows knitted and face evidently furious.

You agreed with them. It was quite strange that Hange ended your relationship for that reason when it was something you could have made amends with. You had never fought in your relationship as any issue encountered was almost immediately solved with proper communication. It had always been that way since you started noticing Hange's workaholic attitude, which merely turned out for the worst.

You were lonely. On some days, you felt unloved. Hange couldn't spare you a glance as you made breakfast in the morning because they would be working away at the study the moment they woke up. The longest stretch without any real acknowledgment from them lasted four days, and it drove you mad. It was a cycle of waking up, going to work, and going to bed without them, and you had never felt more distant. You tried to invite them out to dinner in hopes of rebuilding your relationship, but you were always politely turned down.

That was arguably the worst part: they weren't mean about it. In fact, Hange seemed genuinely apologetic every time they declined. Yet as the days dragged on, the apologies began to sting. It didn't feel like them to refuse you so often. They had always loved going out with you, and even when work consumed their time in the past, they had always found a way to make room for you. This wasn't the Hange you knew.

What changed? You had wondered. Hange was always running around doing things and you were aware of that. They could never sit still because there was always something that they wanted to work on. You loved that about them; it was what you found interesting about Hange that made you fall for them harder. There is great honor in working so scholarly at a lab day and night and you couldn't be any prouder, but to do so in excess transformed it into a vice that hurt the both of you deeply.

Hange didn't know how to take care of themselves until you came into the picture. Their obsession with constantly working on things hindered them from eating regularly or looking after themselves. When their schedule got tighter the past few months and you witnessed their health deteriorating like a decreasing health bar in a video game, you got mad. Call it motherly girlfriend instincts and whatnot, but you were bothered by it.

"You didn't eat your food." You frowned upon seeing the small container with the food you cooked that morning. "What the— Hange! Why is your water bottle still full?!"

It was excessive. They weren't eating the food you packed them yet they would have the audacity to come up to you a few days later with a growling, aching stomach. "I swear, if you develop an ulcer, what are we going to do?!" You would cook for Hange whenever that happened, whether it be at 10 in the evening or two in the morning. Whenever they needed something, you were up and standing, ready to help them with whatever—and it was exactly why it hurt so much when they couldn't even hang out with you like you used to.

"I can do it all for you, so why can't you do it for me?"

Nonetheless, you didn't want to break up. No, that wasn't the best decision. It never was and it never will be. Hange is a scientist with a passion for learning, so surely they can learn to be better, yet they ended your relationship like they weren't willing to.

And even after weeks of not having Hange by your side, it still pissed you off so much that they couldn't just listen to you or make the commitment to do so. You couldn't suppress your anxiety either. Everyday, you would think about how they're doing without you being there to maintain things at home. You doubt the note you left by the fridge was enough to keep them going. While they eventually had to learn how to do things without you, there's a discomfort at the pit of your stomach that they wouldn't be able to live like normal without you around. Their regular job requires lots of time and attention on top of the many other commitments they have—hell, they probably will struggle with taking care of the cat!

Although the wound in your heart faded as time passed. While you still worried for Hange, your hurt became anger and anger became misery. You were upset—so upset, and you miss Hange (and Ion) so badly. Moving out of your apartment with not even a single word of closure stung so badly as if a part of your soul left and never returned. You would do anything in your power to get back together with them again, but was it a good decision to initiate?

"Especially when they ended it first?" Nifa spoke, rubbing her knees with cold hands as she sat across you on the living room floor. You had asked her if it was a good idea to ever come running back to an ex, to give them a second chance to make things better. "Usually not, but this kind of scenario often plays out for cheaters. Maybe it wouldn't be bad to get back together."

"I second that," Keiji said, seated on the armchair. "If they still don't change, make sure to end it once and for all."

"I wouldn’t initiate it myself," Abel added. Nifa shot him a pointed look, but he continued. "They broke up with you. No offense, but do yourself a favor—don’t go making a fool of yourself chasing after someone when you’re not even sure they want you back. If Hange wants to reconcile, let them do the begging."

You took their advice and followed your heart. You wanted to get back together because you weren't letting a single argument be the end of your relationship, and if Hange didn't want to restore your connection, you at least wanted some form of closure. On top of that, you wanted to see your cat.

So you distracted yourself.

You waited for them to reach out. Right after the breakup, you had blocked Hange's number partly to avoid the inevitable messages, knowing full well they'd try to reach out after a couple of days of silence. But you weren't ready to talk at the time, so their contact remained blocked for an entire week while you sorted through your emotions and sought advice from your friends. Eventually wanting to hear from them, you unblocked their number and left the door open for them to message you, but to your dismay, the days passed in silence and Hange hadn't reached out at all.

You looked through your private messages on different platforms yet you didn't receive any word from them. Your heart sunk at the revelation. Maybe Hange didn't want to talk to you. After all, they hid themselves inside their study when you came back to the apartment the morning after the breakup to pack your things into boxes. Maybe Hange truly didn't want to talk.

Grief consumed you in the days that followed, yet you couldn't bring yourself to reach out, afraid it would only deepen your pain. If nearly three weeks had passed without a word from Hange, it had to mean they were done with you, didn't it? Still, you clung stubbornly to the faint hope that they'd reach out one day. As the silence stretched on, however, the weight of waiting became too much to bear, and you knew you had to do something about it.

You couldn't stand it anymore. Waiting around for nothing just made you more anxious than you already were, so off to Instagram you went, removing everyone in your Close Friends except Hange. You knew they rarely spent time online except for networking sites like LinkedIn and ResearchGate, but you wanted to send some kind of signal without being too obvious.

You had gone out with your roommates the day you posted the story, so if Hange ever decided to open their Instagram after months of inactivity, it wouldn't be too obvious that you posted. When the post went through, you held your breath and ditched your phone to calm your raging nerves.

Will it work? Will they even see it? You thought to yourself, hopeful about the outcomes.

After an hour of waiting, however, you didn't hear anything from them. No view receipt, no new message, nothing. It didn't hurt that much since Hange rarely opened Instagram in the first place, but you were hoping that they would at least have the idea of coming online to check your account. Yet their account showed no activity, the green dot at the side of their profile picture missing every time you checked.

Suddenly, your phone vibrated. A notification went through.

my beloved Heyy... Ion misses you too...

The rest was history. You managed to arrange a meeting with Hange the following day under the guise of meeting Ion, but you hadn't done so without prancing around your room like a panicking idiot. You hadn't told anybody about posting your story in fear of jinxing things, so you replied to Hange with no one's help but yourself.

Now, you sit at the dining table with your roommates, who bicker over Keiji's homemade lunch about a manga series they've been following. You eat your food in silence as you think of a way to tell your friends that you had invited Hange over for a casual meeting in two hours, but you're left dry with ideas.

Eventually, it comes out of your mouth.

"What?" Abel mumbles to himself, freezing midair with the serving spoon and a bowl of chicken in his hands. Keiji drops his fork.

"You did what?!" Nifa screeches, followed by an apology from Abel for her indecency. "Girl, I— sorry, you invited them here? Like, you aren't joking?"

"Listen, I"—you gulp—"I invited them because I wanted to see the cat."

"Never mind the cat. Your ex is still coming," Nifa points out.

"Of course, I know that—"

"Are you sure about this?" Abel asks. Your eyes fall down to your plate. "Just so we're clear, we're not mad at you for having them over."

"I understand," you reply.

"We're worried for you."

"I understand that, too," you say. Abel is silent. "Look, I know it sounds dumb, but I promise I didn't invite them over just like that. I truly did want to see Ion and I wasn't expecting a reply."

"What did you do?" Keiji asks. You tell him about your elaborate plan and he nods his head in approval. "Wow. You have insane luck."

"I do, and I just— I meant it when I said that I didn't expect it, okay? You all know Hange, they're... chronically offline. Not that good with social media."

Nifa snorts. "Yeah, you could say that again. I'm surprised they even knew how to reply to an Insta story." Mashing her chicken with her fork, she clears her throat. "Well, I guess we should get going ASAP."

"You aren't mad?" you ask, surprised.

"I don't see the point. You should live your life the way you want to," she says. "Also, it makes us feel better that you're here because of a misunderstanding and not any of that cheating bullshit."

"I would have ripped their throat out if you had come here for that." Keiji seethes. You giggle.

"Don't worry. You'll never have to."

"Ugh, why am I tearing up?" Nifa dramatically pauses. She lets go of her utensils and leans over to your side. "God, come here for a hug!"

"Group hug!" Keiji rejoices, his hands automatically locating your head and giving you a couple of pats. Abel follows suit, leaning next to you.

"Just don't hurt yourself," he says as he embraces you back. Keiji and Nifa nod.

"I won't. I promise."

SIX.

Your roommates left the apartment after they finished cleaning up. They promised to hang out for a few hours at a nearby café and that they would be one call away in case you needed anything. They trusted that you and Hange won't go batshit crazy at the apartment, but if it ever came down to that, Keiji and Abel promised to arrive in three minutes tops.

The clock ticks by as the silence envelopes the apt. You're sitting on the arm of the couch as you bounce your knee impatiently. It's 1:45 PM, exactly 15 minutes before your scheduled meeting, yet you're already stationed by the door.

You inhale sharply when the doorbell rings.

Standing from the couch, you approach the entrance. You look through the peephole to check the new arrival, and your heart swells upon seeing a patch of orange fur in Hange's arms.

It's now or never.

You open the door.

"Hi. I'm here, like you asked... ha-ha." Hange laughs slowly, the awkwardness sinking in. When silence falls in the air, they look at the cat and offer him to you. "Um, anyway, here's Ion, the cat. Our cat... that we, um, co-parent together— sorry, was that term triggering? Whatever. Anyway, here he is— oh, uhuh, yep— Ion, relax!"

Ion leaps into your arms the moment he realizes that you're in front of him. You look the same as the last time he saw you, your features still recognizable by his little cat brain. Ion is also delighted to see that you aren't crying anymore. When you dashed in and out of the apartment a month ago with tears falling on your face, he couldn't handle the fear and confusion that consumed him.

The moment you catch the cat, you hold him close to your chest and snuggle his head into your shoulder. Ion does so obediently, sniffing you in the process to refresh his memory with your scent. Hange watches the scene unfold in front of them, their heart warming up and a big smile appearing on their face as Ion happily purrs in your hold. Leaning on the door, they allow themselves to get lost at the warm sight in front of them, nostalgic of the domestic life with you and your feline child.

When Ion calms down, you thank Hange sheepishly.

"Well," you start after a few seconds of quiet, "are you just going to stand there?"

"Oh." Hange's eyes shoot up. "You want me to...?"

You sigh. "Just come in."

Hange follows your request and slowly walks in the apartment. As you close the door, they look around to observe. So much has changed since the last time they visited. It's a much bigger space compared to your shared one on the other side of town to house four people, and although your creative touch is initially unrecognizable as opposed to the old days, Hange figures out that if they look hard enough, they can see your touches here and there—the flower vase at the foot of the TV and the little figurines inside the glass shelf by the dining room corner are household articles that only they can recognize in familiarity.

"Are your roommates home?" they ask. You shake your head. "So that leaves the both of us here... alone?"

You sit yourself on the couch and release Ion to let him explore the apartment. Hange cautiously occupies the space beside you, leaving some space in between to make things less awkward.

You bat your eyelashes. Nodding your head, you purse your lips and decide to let your actions do the talking. You still aren't sure if you want to initiate the conversation, so you leave the opportunity for Hange to grab.

And they notice. Taking a deep breath in, Hange decides it's the perfect time to address the elephant in the room.

"I'm sorry," they say softly. Rubbing their hands together, they decide at the last second to ditch their script and just go for it. You listen intently. "I thought about it after you moved out. I've done wrong in the past, but this has to be the pinnacle of my mistakes. I was mad, and I didn't realize the weight of my words until you left... I'm sorry."

"Is that all?"

"No." They shake their head. "Of course not. I would say more, but it gets overwhelming." Hange turns their head to the side and meets your eyes for the first time in a month. You allow them to look. "What do you want to know?"

You shift in your seat.

"Why you broke up with me." Hange looks away when they hear the sadness in your voice. "Why you thought breaking up was the best decision at that time."

"I didn't," they say. "I eventually regretted it. I still do."

"But you just let me be." You frowned. "You didn't... you didn't chase after me, you didn't run after me when I left the next day. I didn't even receive a single message after two weeks—"

"You know I wanted to," Hange cuts you off, looking back at you with a pained expression. "But I had to stop myself. I couldn't start begging you to come back without considering your feelings. What kind of person would that make me, if not even more selfish?"

They lean forward, elbows on their knees as they stare into nothingness. "I was angry. Stubborn, but angry. When you nagged at me, I just— I just wanted you away. I didn't want to be disturbed and it annoyed me when you did because I was working. I did it to push you away even though it wasn't the best decision."

"That was a mistake, Hange," you remark. Hange mutters a quick, "I know," in response. "Did you think that I could do better?"

"You could say that. For the longest time, I never thought of one to be less sufficient than the other. We were great, but I couldn't meet your needs as well as before when things were becoming busy." Hange rests their forehead on the heels of their palms and shuts their eyes. "I wanted focus. I didn't want distractions, and more importantly, I was tired."

Expression turning sour, you say, "Distraction? Our relationship was a distraction, was that it?"

"It," Hange hesitates, "it was what I thought."

Leaning back on the couch, you look away from Hange as their words sink in. Your eyes well up with tears, an irksome occurrence amid the exchange. You promised yourself earlier that you wouldn't cry as you had already done enough in the past few weeks, but they just come, and you make no effort to stop them.

"Even after everything I did?"

Hange heeds the hurt in your voice, prompting them to come closer in response for comfort.

"I-I'm sorry. I promise you, I thought things out when you were gone and I regret it. I really do!"

"A distraction," you choke out. "Ugh, god. I've never heard that one before."

"I'm sorry..." Hange says for the nth time that day. They try to come closer to see your face, but you avoid them. "I didn't have my priorities straight. I always made time for you in the past, but I just got so obsessed and I— I'm so sorry."

No response. You let your tears run while you cry in silence. Hange doesn't know what to do and the panic settles in.

"Hey… I realized how hard it was to live without you, so I'm here to talk it out." You sniff. Hange is starting to crumble. "Baby, I'm a difficult person who had an easier life because of you. In hindsight, you were no distraction. I thought that way because I was an obsessive freak, and I hate myself for hurting you! I've gotten even crankier to the point of drinking Levi's melatonin black tea, and— and—"

Ion suddenly hops on you, finding his normal spot on your lap before you decided to one day disappear from his life. Surprised, you let the cat sit on your lap as he meows anxiously at the tension in the air. Hange breathes in.

"The cat!" They cry. "The cat misses you! He scratches me like I'm a walking cat scratcher every time he demands to see you. He's been wondering where his mother went because she hasn't been home in a month!"

Hange watches Ion purr against your touch, enjoying your company as he realizes that you aren't dead after all, just gone for a very long time. He turns around from his seated position on your lap to lay on his back, his tummy showing and vulnerable to you, a sign of trust toward his owner.

Hange's heart sinks another time when you pull Ion close after wiping your tears away, a bittersweet pang reminding them of the days when they could simply glance at you and the cat, content in the quiet comfort of your shared space as they worked in their study. For what feels like the hundredth time that day, regret wells up, filling the hollow ache in their chest. If it weren't for your presence keeping them anchored, they might have broken down completely right then and there.

"I'm sorry," they choke out as they gently reach for your hand and hold it in theirs, possibly for the final time. They know there isn't a single word, phrase, or sentence out there that can articulate the graveness of their apology, but they hope to get it across as much as they can. "I'm an asshole for coming here in the first place, but if it means getting proper closure and allowing our cat to see you again, I don't regret it. I hope you can forgive me for invading your space."

You sigh. "That's enough, Hange."

"Huh?" They drop your hand in response, afraid of what's to come.

"I get it. You're sorry for what you did." Ion rolls around in your lap, soon standing on his hind legs with his forelegs reaching out to you for a hug. You hug him back. "I'm just, um, I'm just worried now, and I've been worried. How were you? Were you doing okay?"

Hange exhales in relief. "Dear, you didn't have to worry about me."

You frown.

"No, love. I want to worry about you. What kind of girlfriend would I be if I didn't?" Hange's heart skips a beat when you call them with the term of endearment. "So? How was life then?"

"I reached the conclusion that being single isn't good for me." They pout. They hold your hand again. "I struggled so much alone. I survived, but surviving isn't living. Life felt empty when I didn't have the sweetest girl making me happy."

"You're just saying that."

"No, I mean it! I love living with you, I love loving you. I know I can do that even when we're not together, but it makes my life so much fuller when you're in the picture."

They look down at Ion, who looks at them from his peripheral vision like he's judging them dramatically.

"You and Ion, of course."

"Mrrao!"

Snuggling with Ion, you kiss his nose. He purrs back in contentment.

"I just... I didn't feel as loved as I used to," you say. "I love living my life knowing that it's you who I end up with, but I must have loved you too hard. Maybe I love you too much because I want to spend more time with you, to always be around you."

"And you aren't selfish for that," Hange declares. "You deserve to be loved for the woman you are and for the love you give. You did so much for me, yet I didn't pay you back. You had every right to complain. Now that you have, I hope to make things right and compensate you for all the times I acted so dumbly. I'll make time for you again and I'll take care of myself better—I promise."

"But how do I know that you're telling the truth?" you whisper. Second chances are hard to come by. To give an ex this special chance to make things right doesn't happen to just anyone, and it rarely even works out the second time around. What is Hange willing to do for you when you've already done so much for them? "Tell me what you're willing to do. How do I know, Hange?"

"Because I called off everything I had to do today just to come here." Hange smiles a bit. That's your cue to realize that they did, indeed, skip work today just to visit you and iron things out. It's a Monday afternoon, and Hange could have simply taken a half-day shift, but they decided against it entirely. "And, as a matter of fact, I would do it again, and again, and again."

"Oh, Hange, don't waste your—"

"No, no! You got the wrong idea!" they exclaim. "I'm not going to take the entire week off just to prove a point briefly and go back to being a douchebag the following week. I figured that, out of everything, temperance is a virtue that I should work on. I want to be there for you when you need me and I will be there."

Your tears have dried at this point, having left a puffy texture on your eyes. Hange carefully massages your hand in theirs as you find the right words to say.

"Promise me this, Hange."

"I promise."

"Then kiss me if you want to seal it."

With a big grin on their face, Hange leans forward and wraps their hands around your body, laughing softly as Ion looks up in between the both of you with curious eyes. Hange pats his head, mumbles a quick apology to the cat, and kisses you gently with that silly grin still on their face. You kiss them back slowly, heart warming up to the sweet moment of having your partner back into your life to complete your little family of three.

Hange pulls away, but they stay close to you, their hands cupping your face. "I missed you so badly."

"I missed you, too. Being away from you killed me more than being with you all the time. Believe it or not, it felt more toxic." You sigh. "I want to move back in, but you need to give me a few days to… well, process things."

"Of course, take your time as needed. I can't just steal you a second time from your roommates, you know?" Hange jokes as they stroke your cheek.

"I stole you from Erwin and Levi," you deadpan, "but yes, it should be fine. Just give me time to say goodbye and pack my things."

Hange looks over to the side. A part of them feels guilty for taking you away from your roommates so easily. "You don't have to move in right away if you still want to stay here for a bit, you know? I respect your decision if you think it's too fast."

You shake your head cutely. "Cut that out! We need to pay our bills soon and I have to cuddle Ion in bed!"

"Huh? But what about me?" They frown out of jealousy. Ion yawns, like he's telling them to get over it. "Cheeky cat."

"You'll get even better cuddles." You giggle. Hange laughs along, completely missing the innuendo. They're just happy to hear you giggling again. "To start, would you like a complete family hug? Maybe you'd even want to stay for a bit. The guys won't be going home unless I tell them to—"

"Are you joking? I would love to!"

If you found Hange clingy before you broke up, then you certainly find their behavior ten times more excessive now. Upon your request, they rest their body on yours, placing their head on your chest and feeling the rise and fall of your calm breaths. They pet the cat next to them, whom Hange believes to have smiled as well when he notices your physical contact. They're right—Ion is happy. He's satisfied seeing that his two owners are back together, and that neither of you are crying anymore.

As they lay on your chest, Hange lets their mind go numb. They lay in silence, keeping their delighted reactions to themselves when you would fiddle with their hair or play with their fingers. The moment is spent in quietude, but it's perfect—the ideal time for Hange to solemnly swear to the gods, the transcendent beings, to themselves, most especially, that they will never let you go.

There are only so many people in the world that they get along with, let alone be so open to the idea of loving. Hange vows to stay true to their words, to treat you better—kiss you better—as you have always deserved.

ctto for the cat photo (via pinterest)

also i saw this tweet while writing and i just NFDHBFHD THIS IS SO ACCURATELY HANGE IN THIS FIC LMAO

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withwritersblock · 8 months ago

Text

More Hearts Than Mine-Her Father Comes to Visit

~More Hearts Than Mine by Ingrid Andress~ Author's Note: I adore this series with all my heart Summary: Her father visits Luke unexpectedly Warnings: None? Word Count: 1,692

It has been far too long since he has gotten his haircut, as he has been traveling tirelessly. He’s been everywhere but Jersey since April. It wasn’t his intention, it was pretty much how his summer plans ended up being.

But here he was standing in the bathroom staring at the nearly shaven sides of his hair. He was constantly battling with what haircut he preferred but he liked the way it looked right now. He was flying to Las Vegas tomorrow for the NHL Awards. He was mainly going to support Quinn, already holding the knowledge that he wasn’t going to win the Calder. Especially since Connor was going to win no matter who else was named a finalist. It was still could to feel recognized.

He ran his hand across his chin, feeling small stray pieces of hair that he needed to trim off of his face. He sighed as he began to pull out the razor and his shaving cream. The doorbell rang as he furrowed his eyebrows harshly.

He wasn’t expecting any company, neither was Y/N. She wasn’t even home. She was at work for another hour. He cautiously placed his razor back onto the bathroom counter before he cautiously walked through the pristine apartment. He had spent all morning cleaning before he went and got his hair chopped off.

He walked towards the door, hesitantly gazing through the peep hole to see Y/N’s father standing outside the door. He quickly pulled his head back, his eyes widening. Suddenly, he could hear his heartbeating rapidly as a wave of nausea flowed through his body. Pressing his lips together, he took a deep breath as he carefully pulled the door open.

Luke smiled a tight lip smile as he swallowed hard, “Y/N’s not here, she’s at work for another hour,” Luke choked out as he stepped to the side, opening the door a bit wider.

“Good, I came to see you,” he mumbled as he walked inside, without asking. Luke delicately shut the door behind her father as he nervously fiddled with the handle as he watched him look at every inch of the apartment he could see. “You didn’t add many decorations,” he observed.

Luke dropped his head as he took a small step towards the center of the apartment where he was standing. “I just had some photos that I framed,” Luke let out shyly, “And like clothes and stuff,” he continued, but he wasn’t sure why the words were leaving his lips. Her father nodded slowly as he continued looking around the apartment.

He took a few steps towards the new collection of photos of Luke and Y/N. He walked up to it, getting a good look of every single one.

The first one her father looked at was a mirror selfie. She held the phone, a wide genuine smile on her lips. He had a hold of her face, his hand held her chin and jaw in place as he passionately kissed her cheek.

The second one was a photo of Luke laying on her chest, his eyes looking up towards her, puppy dog like. She was smiling sleepily as she met his gaze. It was a FaceTime screenshot that her sister took while they were FaceTiming several months ago. The live photo of that moment is Luke’s lockscreen. Every time he misses her he looks down towards his phone and holds his thumb down against the screen and watches the short four second moment.

The third photo was a photo of Y/N and Luke standing beside one another holding the overflowing vases of roses. Luke was smiling a genuine wide toothy grin as she was crying tears of joy. She’s spent their whole time together admiring those roses, but seeing them bunch together had her sobbing.

The fourth and final photo was a photo of them together after Luke’s final game as a rookie. They didn’t win the game but Luke still had a wide smile on his lips as he looked down towards her. His hand was low on her waist as she was pulled tightly towards him.

“She smiles a lot around you,” her father let out finally after what felt like many unbearably long seconds. “It’s been years since I’ve seen her smile like that.” He soon spun around to meet Luke’s gaze, unsure of what to say next he points towards the couch. Luke nods as the pair awkwardly sits on the opposite ends of the couch.

“I’m stubborn,” her father continued, he took a deep breath as he crossed his arms over his chest. “You two living together is like I’m losing my daughter. I mean clearly I’ve already lost her long time ago if I can’t remember the last time she’s smiled like that,” He said as he pointed towards the photos on the wall besides the TV.

Luke chewed his lip for a moment before he sat up straighter as he rested his hands onto his knees. “Y/N’s my first girlfriend. I was always so focused on hockey and trying to beat the best that I never wanted a relationship. But then I met Y/N and I will swear by this until forever that the world literally got brighter when she smiled at me,” he expressed, a soft chuckle leaving his throat.

Her father laughed as a smile formed to his lips, “I said that in my vows,” his father let out shocked at his own words.

“Actually?” Luke forced out. Her father nodded as he took in a sharp breath. Luke tilted his head back as he clenched his jaw nervously. “I’m terrified that us living together has ruined your relationship with Y/N. I know how important it is to her that you like her boyfriends.”

“You’re the first one that’s made her happy. I knew that the second I saw you two walk into my house. I liked you from that moment. I don’t like that you’re a professional athlete, but I see that for eighty-two games you kept your promise that you told my daughter at the beginning of the season,” her father said as he pointed towards the vases of flowers.

“She told you about that?” Luke asked. Her father nodded.

“I needed time to mourn that my daughter isn’t a little girl anymore. She’s happy and in love and I can’t stop that. I can’t stop her from growing up. So I got mad, I do that sometimes, I got mad at you guys. But you make her happy so I can’t be mad anymore. Which is why I needed to talk to you first,” her father expressed. He slowly stood up from the couch, holding out his hand. Luke quickly followed in pursuit as he shook her father’s hand.

The apartment door was pushed open as an excited Y/N walked inside, “Lukey Love, I got done with work early, so I brought you some-” she stopped short as she rested the two pizza boxes on the counter, “Dad?” she asked softly.

“Hey sweetheart, why doesn’t Luke have more decorations, it’s his apartment too,” her father said as he walked towards her. He stared towards her dad suspiciously as she shifted her gaze towards Luke. Luke simply shrugged as he excitedly jogged past her father and Y/N towards the pizza.

“He didn’t bring anything, not my fault,” she mumbled with a grin as she excitedly wrapped her arms around her fathers neck as he hugged her. “So-so you’re okay with this?” she asked as she glanced towards Luke who was already half way done with the slice he had grabbed.

“I want you happy, he makes you happy right?” he asked, eyeing Luke.

“So happy, Dad,” she mumbled as she glanced towards him, nudging him slightly.

“Sorry, starving. There’s enough for you too, Mr. Y/L/N,” he expressed as he lifted the cardboard of the pizza box again. Her father chuckled.

“Better grab a slice before this kid eats it all,” he joked as he took one. Y/N blinked away the happy tears forming in her eyes as she watched her father and Luke interact.

~~~

She sat on the bed, the blanket covering her lower frame as she clicked through the collection of movies on Hulu. She sighed as she watched Luke walk into their bedroom, black sweatpants low on his frame as he ran his fingers through his damp curly hair. She shifted her gaze towards him, her cheeks heating up as she scanned his shirtless frame.

His lips curled up in a small smirk as he stood beside her at the bed. “You okay?” he asked barely above a whisper as he ran his hand across her jawline. He forced her gaze towards him. She smiled as she met his gaze.

“I’m happy,” she mumbled. He smiled as he leaned towards her, delicately kissing her lips. He pulled away for a moment before he pecked her lips once more. “I love you,” she whispered.

He hummed happily as he climbed over her body as he plopped down beside her. “I love you more,” he whispered as he slowly climbed under the comforter. She clicked a random movie before she cuddled into Luke. Resting her head onto his bare chest, she could hear his heartbeat. Slow and content. “When your dad showed up earlier, I thought he was going to beat my ass,”

She chuckled softly as she ran her fingertip along his chest, drawing small circles. “He can’t hurt a fly,” she teased.

“Tell that to my head, still hurts from the panic attack I went through,” he said half joking. She lifted her head up, looking down towards him. She lifted her hand up as she caressed his cheek slowly. “God, you’re beautiful,” he mumbled as he scanned her features. Lifting his hand up, he took a hold of her neck, her hair cascading over his hand.

“I was just thinking the same thing about you,” she muttered, a teasing grin on her lips. “My pretty boy,” she whispered before she leaned towards him, kissing him softly.

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joeys-babe · 1 year ago

Text

Joey B Imagines: Birthday Boy

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Summary: December 10th, Joe’s 27th birthday spent with you and your twin boys.

Warnings: Fluff, *he's not injured!!*

Pairing: Joe Burrow x reader

Imagine universe: Into The Mystic

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December 10th, 2023

Joe had awoken in bed by himself this morning to his surprise. He had expected you, his wife, to be waking him with smooches all over his face but your side of the bed was empty.

He rolled over to grab his phone off his nightstand when the setup sitting on it made him smile. Every year since you and Joe got together in high school when you guys were 16 and 17, on Joe’s birthday you'd get him white roses. The number of them would be the age he was turning that day. There they were, 27 white roses in a vase.

Realizing there was a card and a gift bag propped up next to it, Joe leaned up in bed and picked up the card first.

Happy Birthday, Joey!

Gosh, how are you 27?! You're getting old babe. JKJK. I just wanted to tell you that I’m so happy to share another birthday with you, this is the 11th one that we've celebrated together and I hope I've made every year better than the last. 26 was such a year for you, and I'm proud to say I was by your side for all of it. Cheers to another year of getting to show you how much I love you. You're my husband, my rock, my happiness, my high school sweetheart, and most importantly my best friend. I love you more than words can explain, Joey Shiesty.

To my nerdy, quirky, antisocial, video game, Kid Cudi-obsessed boy, Happy 27th birthday.

Love, your y/n.

Joe didn't realize tears were streaming down his cheeks till he put the card down and saw a wet spot on the blanket on his lap. He quickly composed himself and grabbed the gift bag.

Pulling the contents out of the bag, he felt his eyes well up again when he realized it was a photo album.

It was white leather and on the front in gold font, it simply read “Us.”

Joe flipped to the first page and it had a song lyric quoted.

“When they wanna see how true love should be, they'll just look at us.”

Flipping the page again, it was a collage of pictures of you and him as high school lovebirds. A picture of him picking you up after a win while you were in your cheer uniform, one of you two sitting next to each other at lunch just smiling from ear to ear, you and him sitting in the back of one of his friend's truck while at a drive-in movie, a pic of you two at senior prom, and finally one of you guys graduating.

Joe flipped the page and wasn't at all surprised to see it was the Ohio State era of his life. Since Joe was a year older than you, you were stuck in Athens still when Joe was a freshman at OSU. Long distance sucked, but you guys made it work, and multiple pictures were showcasing that. You took screenshots of you and Joe's face timing that he had never seen before. There was a lovesick look in his eye that made Joe giggle knowing he's still just as infatuated with you. His favorite picture was the one of him lying on top of you in his dorm bed, you were running your fingers through his mullet as you cuddled him.

The LSU page made Joe’s heart warm, so many pictures of you standing to the side and smiling at him just so proud of everything he had accomplished during his time there. There was one slightly spicy photo that made Joe do a double take. That was the first photo you had ever sent him with the intention of turning him on. While Joe was out doing something with the team after winning the national championship you put nothing on but his letterman jacket and the “Big Dick Joe” that he had.

The next few pages only made Joe smile get bigger.

In order it was him getting drafted, the 2022 AFC Championship win + engagement, the wedding, finding out I was pregnant, the gender reveal, the boy's arrival, and everything in between.

When the last few pages were empty for more memories Joe shut the book and put it off to the side. He again had to compose himself and wipe his eyes after the emotional walk through memory lane, you guys had been through so much together and Joe couldn't a picture his life without you.

Joe was about to text you but as soon as he went to grab his phone you were walking into the bedroom. Truthfully you had been downstairs listening to him secretly through the baby monitor you had put up in the bedroom. You had heard him wrestle around in the sheets before sniffles were heard. After it went quiet for a bit you went upstairs and watched him through the cracked bedroom door as he wiped his eyes.

You walked towards the bed with a stack of pumpkin-flavored pancakes topped with candles singing Happy Birthday as Joe wore a huge grin.

After you were finished singing, Joe blew out the candles and you placed the plate on his lap.

“G’morning, Joey. Happy Birthday, my love. - you

He pulled you into a hug and squeezed you so tight.

“I love you so much, y/n.” - Joe

You rubbed his back and kissed him after you pulled away, his arms still around your waist.

“What did you wish for when you blew out your candles?” - you

“Can't tell you, you know it wouldn't come true if I did.” - Joe

“You're no fun.” - you

“I'm just kidding, baby. I actually didn't make a wish.” - joe

“What why? Did I not give you enough time to? I'm sor-” - you

“No. You gave me plenty of time. I just don't have anything to wish for. I have everything I could ever want or need so there's no need for me to wish for something. I have a beautiful amazing wife, perfect twin boys, a good career…” - Joe

You stared at him dumbfounded, wondering how you were ever able to bag this sweet man.

“You’re gonna make me cry.” - you sniffled

“C’mere.” - Joe opened his arms to you

Immediately in his embrace, Joe held the back of your head and kissed your temple.

“I've already cried twice.” - Joe giggled

“Awe Joey. Okay enough sappy stuff, you eat your birthday breakfast while I go clean the kitchen up.” - you pulled away from him and headed for the door when he stopped you

“Wait don't go! I'll help you clean later, can you stay with me right now?” - Joe

You smiled sweetly at him before waking back over to the bed and getting under the covers with him.

Joe turned on Spongebob and ate his pancakes, a few minutes in you heard little feet in the hallway before knocks on the door could be heard.

“Mommy? Daddy?” - Tyson

“You can come in, Ty!” - Joe

The twins happily opened the door and toddled over to the bed. You lifted them onto the bed and they sat with their backs against the footboard.

Tyson giggled as he jokingly got his hand under the covers and tickled Joe’s foot. Joe played along with it for a little bit, loving the sound of his son’s laugh before he started fighting back.

“Do you boys remember what today is?” - you

“Uhm… no momma.” - Miles

“It's someone's birthday!” - you

Tyson and Miles looked at each other for a second before they gasped at the same time and yelled out the answer in unison.

“Daddy’s!” - The twins yelled

“Mhm! Remember what you guys made yesterday?” - you

The boys nodded and you instructed them to go retrieve what they made from their room.

Joe gave you a skeptical raised eyebrow look, but you just leaned in and kissed him while you still had the chance.

It wasn't long till you could hear those little feet again and Tyson and Miles were running back into the bedroom. They handed Joe a few pieces of paper after he put his empty plate on his nightstand.

Tyson drew a picture of him, his daddy, and his uncles passing football at the practice fields.

Miles drew a picture of him and Joe playing with Hot Wheels tracks.

The drawings had Joe feeling a different form of bliss, his heart warmed to an insane level as he looked at the little details in his boys’ drawings.

“I love them, boys. Thank you.” - Joe croaked

“You welcome!” - Tyson beamed

“Dada? You sad?” - Miles

“No, Daddy’s really happy.” - Joe

“But you cryin'…” - Miles

“He’s crying happy tears buddy, really happy tears.” - Joe

“Oh… okay!” - Miles

“You guys should go play. Mommy and Daddy are gonna clean up before Gramps and Grammy come.” - you

When the boys left the room you turned to Joe who was still crying. You softly kissed his cheek and wiped his tears off of his cheeks.

“You okay, baby?” - you

“Never been better. This is the best feeling.” - Joe

“Good. They worked hard on those. Come follow me downstairs. I have something cool to show you.” - you

“You gonna give me my 27 birthday spankings? Or is that later?” - joe

You laughed as you pulled him out of bed and shoved him into the closet, asking without words for him to put clothes on since he was only in boxers.

He returned in sweatpants and a T-shirt and followed you downstairs.

“Is the cool thing you have to show me a sink full of dishes? Or do I have to unload the dishwasher?” - Joe

“You’re exempt from those chores today since you are the birthday boy. But no, I’m giving you one of your gifts now.” - you

Joe smiled and I told him to close his eyes as we started walking into the kitchen. He did as you said and you took his hands in yours to guide him to where the setup on the counter was. You smiled at the secret camera you had recording and dropped Joe’s hands.

Telling him to open his eyes, Joe looked around rather confused but when he looked down at the counter his eyes went as wide as saucers.

There was a positive Clearblue test next to the same onesie you showed Joe when you found out you were pregnant with the twins.

You watched Joe’s eyes start to water as his chin started quivering, causing your own eyes to get misty as you smiled at him.

“You’re pregnant?” - Joe grinned

“Mhm.” - you smiled as tears dripped down your face

Immediately his arms were around you, lifting you and spinning you around as he cried into your neck.

“We’re having another baby!” - Joe cried

When he put you down, Joe picked up the pregnancy test with shaky hands and fell against the counter with his head buried in his arms. He was so overcome with emotion.

“Are you happy?” - you rubbed his back

Joe stood up abruptly and nodded vigorously.

“I've never been so happy. What if we have a girl, y/n? I could be a girl dad.” - Joe cried again

“Oh baby.” - you pulled him into your arms

Joe hugged you so tight but was now trying not to put pressure on your stomach now that he was aware his baby was in there.

“I love you so much, y/n. You and our family are the best things to have ever happened to me. I can't believe we're having another baby.” - Joe

“I love you and our babies so much. I can't believe it either, I'm so excited.” - you

“How long have you known? Well about the baby?” - Joe

“Not too long, found out a couple of days ago and thought I'd wait till today.” - you

Joe nodded and leaned down to be level with your stomach. It hasn't gotten bigger yet but Joe didn't care, his baby was still in there.

“Hey, baby. It's your daddy. Me and your momma already love you so much. We can't wait to meet you.” - Joe

“I have an ultrasound next week. Think you can go?” - you

“For sure. I'll make it happen.” - Joe

The rest of the day Joe couldn't keep his hands off of you, always making sure you weren't farther than arm's length away from him.

Robin asked what was up later at dinner when you rejected your usual favorite wine that she and Jimmy had brought.

You and Joe were ecstatic to tell his parents about Baby Burrow #3 coming next fall and they were just as happy finding out about their next grandkid.

That night after dinner, dessert (pumpkin pie of course), and putting the boys to sleep, Joe and I were lying in bed talking about everything baby.

“y/n, you know, I've only been 27 for a day but I feel like it's going to be the best year yet.” - Joe

“You think so?” - you

“I know so because I’m gonna spend it with you, our boys, and baby Burrow.” - Joe

You had a strange feeling that Joe was right, but also an overwhelming feeling of love washed over you. How'd you get so lucky with Joe?

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Authors note: happy bday Joey B!

there was a birthday imagine request in my messages so here you go!

hope you enjoyed! 💕

#joe burrow #bengals #joe burrow imagine #joe burrow x reader #joey b #cincinnati bengals #joe burrow fan fic

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heeheesang · 2 months ago

Text

── .✦ what if we never dated..? — i should've been with you.

really really long written chapter , short smau below ! warnings : angst !! i cried writing this.

AFTER THE FIGHT WE HAD , WE NEVER HAD THE GUTS TO EVER FACE EACH OTHER . EVERYTIME WE MADE EYE CONTACT , WE WOULD IGNORE EACH OTHER AND FACE AWAY .

if only i had the guts to apologise for shouting at you... if only chaer didn't get in the way of everything. but thanks to taesan, we did manage to talk it out, even tho it was super awkward. i did feel like jumping into your arms but, i stopped myself.

it's been a week since the trip and we hadn't contacted at all... yunah and eunseok were happily together, same with shotaro and moka.

"since when were you and gunwook close again..?" you pulled me by my arm as i looked behind. the urge i had to hug you tightly and wish it was all dream...

"he... apologised to me. and now we're talking as friends." i smiled awkwardly as he flashed gunwook one kind of a look. we were about to leave when he pulled my arm again.

"wait, yn... i have to tell you something." i crossed my arms, "what is it, leehan?"

"i'm moving to america." if only you knew how much you made me cry at home with that sentence alone. but the only thing i could do at the point was smile and wish you all the best.

i could barely sleep for nights, eventually had to call taesan and anton over with the girls for a sleepover. gunwook joined too, and that's when i realised why we weren't made for each other.

GUNWOOK : yeah lol she thinks i still like her, do i get my $1000 now?

CHAER : ugh just keep her distracted. leehan and i got his parents approval for an arranged marriage.

GUNWOOK : you better do this quick, it's bad enough i'm hurting her but she can't make a man happy at all.

i broke down into tears, screenshotting the chat and sending it to myself before waking gunwook up. oh, if only you could hear how upset i was.

i can't blame gunwook and i can't blame you neither can i blame chaer... it's all my fault in the end.

once it was morning, gunwook ran out of the house before any of the girls or guys woke up. i spent the whole day crying, arranged marriage? so he's... really taken now.

YN : sent a screenshot

LEEHAN : ☺️ now you know pretty.

LEEHAN : i'm sorry it had to be this way... i just never liked you at all yn, i was always waiting for chaer get out of a relationship and you just so reminded me of her lol

YN : huh... so you never liked me..?

LEEHAN : read up hm? you have a pretty smart brain, put two and two together :)

YN : fuck you kim donghyun.

you blocked this contact.

oh. that felt like a hard pang in the heart... i couldn't tell any of them about this, all of them were close to leehan. they even wished for him to come back as soon as possible... i would just be ruining my own friendship.

"you look disturbed these days. what's up, angel?" taesan asked as he leaned against my locker, eyes glued to his screen as his fingers moved rapidly.

"i'm just... tired really..! rumors here and there... head girl council things." i lied, well kinda.

"i'm not dumb, angel. i can see right through you. what's wrong?" taesan asked again as he turned off his phone and placed it in his pocket.

"i forgot that you're literal leehan 2.0. i'll be fine, don't worry. let's go to class?" i joked as he nodded, wrapping his arm around my shoulder as we walked to class.

oh yeah, taesan was always there for me. i always felt bad for him because i didn't even realise how much he liked me until the argument between leehan and i happened.

i had to find it out through yunah as well... she was taesan's wingwoman. i was always thankful for taesan but now that i knew his intentions behind his acts of kindness, i adored him.

he never gave up even tho i longed for leehan. that enough showed me how much he really likes me. he always helped me in classes, he talks with me about our problems.

"so what i'm hearing is.. leehan was playing with you?" taesan asked as i nodded slowly, tears running down my cheeks as he gave me tissues and tissues.

"what a bitch..." taesan cursed as a joke and i giggled, hitting his shoulder lightly.

"and gunwook.. was in it with chaer too. but i realised they didn't even have to plan anything because... leehan was already in love with chaer." i continued and eventually cried out loud.

taesan panicked and immediately rushed to my side on the bed, hugging my tightly as i cried on his leather jacket.

"that's what's been bothering me lately... i'm so... scared of love now." i hugged him tightly as he rubbed my back, "hey hey..." he said as he pulled away from the hug, holding me by my shoulders.

"that's part of love life, angel. you meet people who play with your feelings, people who love you as much as you love them, and just pure assholes. there are much more important things in life hm, angel? like that graduation and prom ceremony. i'll help you plan it out." taesan comforted as he wiped my tears away only for me to cry even more.

"now i've ruined your leather jacket...!" i cried out as he chuckled, "it's okay, it's okay..."

with the few days, taesan helped me cope very well surprisingly. he gave me new hobbies to try out, he brought me out on little dates, he even introduced me to his other friends and family members.

but despite all that, my schedule was still very packed with plannings. soon, prom was coming up and i had moka to run the confessions corner account once again.

"hey, angel. dinner at my mom's today?" taesan asked as i pouted, "i'm afraid not sanie... i have to complete my—"

"—your layout for prom? finished. your seating layouts? done. so! can we?" he asked with a tiny pout and a glint of happiness in his eyes.

i pinched his cheeks before giggling, "of course you big baby."

everytime we had dinner at taesan's, his parents would pamper. his father always went on work trips outside of korea and would always bring me souvenirs, big or small, it didn't matter to him.

his mother would always cook my favourite meals and make sure i eat alot. his siblings would always compliment me and make me play games with them on their playstation.

"ah eomma! you've embarrassed me enough..." taesan whined and covered his face as his parents chuckled, "your girlfriend— future girlfriend deserves to know all this!"

without a doubt, it was always fun at taesan's. his family members love me, and my family members love him. they treat him as their own child, always talking about marriage when he was over.

"thanks for tonight, sanie."

"no problem, angel. see you at prom tomorrow, i'll pick you up at six hm?" i nodded as he placed a short kiss on my forehead, making sure i got in the house before driving off.

prom! the one night where everyone could enjoy having their final days in highschool. i sighed as i opened my closet, looking through it to find my prom dress i had prepared.

that's until i found a mini box at the side of my closet, TO JUNG YN, FROM KIM LEEHAN. huh? when did this get here?

i took the box and sat down on my bed, opening it to find a corsage. a pink colour corsage.

TO JUNG YN ,

you probably would've expected the outcome of us... so i won't be there for prom but i want you to have the best night ever. i know taesan likes you... and he deserves you.

i wish you and taesan all the best. i'll forever love you jung yn. a pink corsage, a matching one with taesan.

thank you for your time the whole 3 years jung yn. :) goodbye forever.

i tried my best not to break down in tears, because i will not be redoing my makeup ever again. soon i received a text from taesan if i received a corsage from leehan and i replied him quickly because his next message was 'i'll be there in thirty'.

this is for you leehan taesan, i pick you. while changing i realised that you've never reminded me of leehan, you were yourself and that's what i love.

thank you taesan, for showing me what perseverance is.

"are you enjoying the party, girl??" yunah asked as moka danced alongside me. i pressed my lips into a thin line, shrugging as i gulped down another cup of fruit punch.

taesan and i arrived together but he was currently with his friends dancing in the middle. taesan and his friends have always been the popular group in school. they were all flirters especially jaehyun. he tried asking me for my number once with his so called, 'rizz' but thank god taesan stepped in.

taesan was never a flirter. he was more determined to get the girl he likes and never let her get out of sight.

"you're daydreaming again... please don't say it's about leehan..." moka whined as they took a seat beside me, leaving me in between them both.

"leehan isn't here anymore... yn. you know that." yunah reminded me as i nodded slowly.

"no, oh my god no! i was just thinking about taesan... like he's determined to get me... and i adore that." i explained as they 'ooh' at my response.

"can we get miss jung yn, head girl of 2024, on stage. calling for jung yn." the principal voiced out on stage as everyone turned to look for me, "i better get on stage first. first row, girls?" we giggled as they followed me and sat down first row with taesan and his friends.

i tapped on the mic, "hello... um wow this is new. a lot of you here..." i nervously spoke as everyone laughed and applauded for me to boost my confidence.

i looked down to my friends all holding a thumbs up sign, then made eye contact with taesan. i smiled as he mouthed, "you can do it, angel."

i let ou a small sigh of relief before continuing, "as head girl of batch 24', i've learnt a thing or two. holding onto the past won't do you any good in the future because you'll dwell on your past mistakes and be afraid to make new choices in life."

"secondly, i learnt that it's better to keep your circle small. the bigger the circle, the bigger problems. that doesn't mean that smaller circles have smaller problems, but it's unlikely to have any fueds or such."

"i would like to thank everyone... for being so supportive of me being head girl. i've enjoyed my time creating activities, spending time with my fellow students and just making the best out of everything."

"i would also like to... um... apologise. if i have ever made you upset, if i have ever made you angry. please forgive me if i have ever done anything to made you hurt." i bowed down to the crowd as they all retaliated, saying i didn't do anything wrong.

i giggled into the microphone, "lastly... the school and i have organised this event so that we could have our last moments together with friends and people we love. so please — take the dance floor, enjoy the buffet, do everything with your friends and loved ones. i think that's all from me... thank you, once again." i bowed to the crowd as everyone dispersed.

walking down from the stage, taesan appeared with a smile and a hand. "good job, angel." i chuckled and took his hand, hugging him as i finally reached the bottom.

as soon as i sat back down, the center floor was suddenly emptied out. taesan’s friends, jaehyun sungho, and riwoo all danced in the centre facing me. my eyes widened as i lifted my eyebrows, turning around to see nobody behind me at all.

“oh my darling..” i heard taesan’s voice as he emerged from the three. he sang the song as if his life depended on it, the closer he came to me, the faster the song ended.

“i love you.” my jaw dropped as he passed my a bouquet of flowers.

“will you be my angel?”

⤶ back | mlist

⟢ accidental confessions (acc) taglist

╰┈➤ @rairaiblog @voikiraz @veerooniicaa @miukidoll

⟢ permanent taglist ( can be requested to be taken off ! )

╰┈➤ @hooneverse @sol3chu @yourssincerely-mimi @reikaxslvr @petralovesbonedo @enhabooks @mwahvvis @jaerisdiction @rairaiblog @jeonginontopforever

hhs' notes ! ── .✦ whaaat a lengthy chapter !! i'm so sorry if this was a terrible chapter (˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ ) i cried a little writing this hehe ( ˶°ㅁ°) !! but it's finally , the end !! how do we feel ? i originally wanted to make it seem like leehan was gone gone , but i just couldn't do it >ᴗ<

anyway my luvies...! i hope you enjoyed this smau and this final chapter huhu (,,>﹏<,,) i hope it's not too confusing !! i loved making this smau , each and every chapter •⩊• and i would like to thank everyone for liking, loving, and supporting this smau !! i love all of you and i'll see you in my next smau !! (˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧

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enkvyu · 1 year ago

Text

"good morning."

"what."

your breath condenses as you exhale in soften shock, the presence of your boyfriend waiting by your bedroom door at a time when the moon still shone simply perplexing to you. gojo smiles, kindly, patiently, as you sniffle and force the gears in your head to turn.

finally, you shuffle up and sit upright in bed. "what are you doing here?" you croak, throat protesting from the lack of use.

"i came as fast as i could when you told me you were sick."

"it's almost three in the morning."

"that's why i said good morning."

your body takes a screenshot.

gojo laughs in a single breath and pushes himself off the doorframe, untucking his hands from behind his back.

he isn't in his usual jujutsu uniform you realise, as he steps into a spot where the moonlight shines through your window and spills onto the carpet. instead of his uniform, he's wearing a tight black shirt that's riddled with cuts and it's styled with an outrageous amount of scars on his face.

you can't help it, worry forces you up.

gojo catches you in his arms as you attempt to get out of bed, the rush of motion causing your head to spin but you don't care, you couldn't possibly. you trace a scar by his lips with your thumb.

"what happened to you?"

his lips quirk upward and you catch the movement with the tip of your finger. "do you think i look tougher with the scars?"

"what do i think? are you serious? you look like you’re on your deathbed, what happened?" your voice rises and he shushes you gently.

"okay, okay, i'm sorry. don't be mad, please?"

"why are you covered in scars?" you say instead.

"i got into a fight."

there's another scar across his cheek and you trace it. "with who?"

gojo tilts his head towards your hand so that your palm ends up caressing his cheek. "no one important especially because, you know, he's dead now."

"and you're definitely okay?"

he nods into your hand. "i think the one who isn't okay, is you."

you sniffle. "i took medicine already, i'll be fine. but you, god gojo, where do i even start?"

"you can start by getting over your fever."

your boyfriend tries to wiggle out of your hold but you only clench tighter, intent on keeping him close by. "are you sure you're okay?"

the smile he gives you is pure sweetness. he leans forward to kiss your cheek and you feel his grin even then. "of course. i’m more than okay, you’ll never guess who i just won against."

there's still doubt in your gaze when he pulls back and he laughs, breath hitting your face.

"i already went and got checked up by a doctor that i really trust." he adds.

it’s hard to not believe him when he looks at you like this, so you relent, sitting back. “shouldn't you be sleeping and resting up, then?”

gojo takes something out from the bag you didn't know he had been carrying, and places it on your bedside table. "shouldn't you? how could i sleep well knowing you were probably suffocating from all that snot in your nose?"

you scrunch up your face and glance quickly at the pile of used tissues on the table that he had to brush aside. "i was just about to blow my nose actually." your argue sounds weak even to your own ears.

he hums like he believes you. "right. and when was the last time you took any fever medication?"

"i think i went to bed at around eight?"

he tsks. "you're long overdue for something."

you recall his earlier words. “so, who was the guy you just beat?”

his eyes glint in the light. “guess.”

you groan. “i don’t know, was it the guy you were talking about a few weeks ago?”

“sukuna?”

“why are you asking me like i know?”

gojo makes a face at you. “but yeah, it was him. i beat him real good too.”

you’ve never really believed in gojo’s outlandish tales, of scary monsters and magic people, but sometimes your boyfriend will come home with injuries just as mindboggling, and you must admit you’d believe him a little then.

still, you can’t hide the taunting smile that passes through. “yeah babe, you really showed him.”

he sticks out his tongue and unpacks the bag he brought.

you watch as he walks in and out your room, holding nothing in his hands one second and appearing with a thermos later. he pours steaming water into a mug and places that down next to the bottle of medicine. it's the liquid type, and you wonder if it became a habit to buy it over tablets and pills, from raising megumi and tsukimi.

"babe, i don't want you to stay up just for me." your blocked nose causes the b's to come out as m's. “especially if you’re injured.”

"i'm your boyfriend, this is what i'm meant to do." he says. “and i’m fine, seriously.”

"i'm pretty sure this is a job for my parents, not you."

"i'm trying to be romantic." gojo sighs, measuring out the bright red liquid into a medicine cup. "but of course, you have to be incredibly snarky, even more so now that you're sick."

you rub your nose. "careful, i'm extremely emotional right now. you could easily make me cry."

he spares you a quick glance. "you'll live. here, take this."

gojo hands you the medicine cup and nudges forward the mug of warm water. looking up, he eyes you expectantly.

you meet his gaze hesitantly. "does this... taste gross?"

there's a silence until gojo starts laughing. "are you a child? i don't even think you could taste it even if you tried."

"i'm literally a patient, don't laugh at me."

"just drink the syrup."

"in shoujo mangas, isn't this when you're meant to be nicer to me?" you mumble underneath your breath, though he catches it anyway.

in the silence that ensues, you begin mentally prepping yourself for the unnaturally sweet taste of raspberry medicine, the kind that has always reminded you of childhood sickness. back then, you were lucky to have your family hovering over you with a wet towel and a warm hand.

just as you go in for a sip, gojo suddenly speaks.

"want me to make this more shoujo-esque, then?"

you blink at him. "huh?" you ask intelligently.

under the moon, you can barely make out the soft smirk on his face and the look in his eyes that you know all too well. it's a feature of his from when the two of you were still in highschool, and though this kind of cheekiness has faded away with time, you still recognise it.

it's the look he gives you when he's up to nothing good.

something in the air changes, and your fever can’t completely explain the sudden heat.

gojo leans over, carefully taking the cup from your hands. making eye contact, he tips the red liquid into his mouth, careful not to spill any. you gape at him, captured in his gaze, as he lifts your chin with a finger and presses his lips on yours.

he swallows the gasp that tumbles out from your mouth, flooding your senses with raspberry, though not the kind that reminds you of sickness. you can only think of his hand that creeps up to cup your cheek, the other tucking hair away from your face. he coaxes your mouth open with his tongue and forces you to drink.

when you’ve gulped it all down, his hands leave your side. he tries to lean away but you follow after, deepening the kiss.

gojo's fingers curl into your bedsheets and you feel his weight dip into the mattress as as he uses his knee to lean forward. you feel yourself fall backwards but he catches the small of your back with a hand and a chuckle.

eventually, he pulls away for air and though you need it just as bad, your lips trail after his.

eyes meet and spark in the dim lit room.

"was that still gross?" he asks, and it takes you a while to realise he was talking about the taste of the medicine.

you swipe your tongue against your bottom lip to relive the flavour, and his eyes follow the motion.

"no." you murmur. "actually, i don't remember. why don't we do it again so i can find out?"

gojo grins, using the hand on your back to press you against him, the other resting on the wall behind you. "only once more."

just like he promised, his lips fall back on yours and you sigh into the contact.

the night ends in raspberry sweetness, but not the kind that is unpleasant.

if you saw this somewhere else, no you didn't <3

#gojo x reader #gojo x you #gojo satoru #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #gojo fluff #gojo imagine #gojo satoru x reader #satoru gojo #gojo... if he Won #gojo if he was alive sobs

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section-chief-prentiss · 7 months ago

Text

girls

Summary: After an UnSub threatens to out you, you come out to Emily.

Word Count: 2269

TWs: threats of being outed, coming out

Ao3

This whole case had you on edge.

It was a local case, and normally, that fact brought you comfort. Sleeping in your own bed after a long day was exactly what you needed.

You got home late and beelined for your bed. If you were lucky, you could squeeze in a few hours before you needed to be back at the BAU in the morning.

You started stripping as soon as your door was closed and locked behind you, shedding clothes on your way to your room. You threw on the first oversized t-shirt your hands touched and rolled into bed, your mattress welcoming you into its warm embrace.

You plugged your phone into the charger on your nightstand and set your alarm, cringing at how soon you would need to be awake. But before you could lock your phone, a text rolled in from an Unknown Number.

Stop investigating or I’ll tell your team you’re gay.

Your blood froze in your veins. The UnSub your team was chasing was technologically savvy and had proven he wasn’t afraid to use it. Through various social media accounts and other media leaks, he’d flaunted the victims he’d kidnapped and killed, and so far, Penelope had been unable to track him.

You debated the odds of this being a random spam text when another appeared.

If you arrest me I have a failsafe that will alert them right away.

You knew better than to respond, but you knew you couldn’t block him until Penelope took a look at the message.

The thought stopped you in your tracks—if you showed Penelope these messages, the team would find out anyway.

It wasn’t that you were ashamed of your sexuality; your family knew—you came out to them when you were 12. Your mom and your brother were your biggest cheerleaders, and while it took your dad a little longer to come around, he was firmly in your corner now as well. Your friends were no different.

But work was another story. You loved your BAU family and trusted them with your life, but you’d only been with the team for a year. And you weren’t in a relationship at the moment, so your dating life just… hadn’t come up. You’d always known you’d tell them eventually, but you wanted it to be on your terms.

Despite the threat, you had no intention of stopping investigating or encouraging your team to do the same.

But the nagging voice at the back of your head that it could all come crashing down at any moment left you with a lingering feeling of dread that kept you awake, tossing and turning until your alarm went off just before sunrise.

You stumbled through your morning routine like a zombie, moving aimlessly from room to room. You made coffee on autopilot, dressed in a daze, and didn’t realize you had two different shoes on until you were one step out the door. You swapped one out for a matching set, grabbed your bag, and headed to the BAU.

You wished you could shake it off. Pretend it didn’t bother you. But as you took your seat at the round table, you knew the carefully crafted facade you’d put up was already chipping away, and it was only a matter of time before your team saw through it.

“You look like hell,” Rossi said, taking the seat next to you. “Did you sleep at all?”

“Not really,” you hedged, taking another swig of your coffee.

Tara and Luke filed in next, and you absentmindedly exchanged morning pleasantries with them, glancing at your watch and wondering what was taking the rest of the team so long.

Emily, JJ, Reid, and Penelope buzzed into the room together, and the energy they brought with them made you sit up a little straighter.

“Our UnSub has made his next move,” Emily announced. She stood at the front of the room, pulling something up on the screen behind her, while the rest of the team took their seats.

Screenshots of texts filled the TV, and a hush fell over the room as everyone took them in.

Stop investigating or I’ll tell the press about your addiction, one read.

Stop investigating or I’ll tell the media about your pathetic sister, read another.

With a click of the remote, two more messages appeared, with familiar text that sent a shiver down your spine.

If you arrest me I have a failsafe that will alert them right away.

You glanced at the timestamps of the messages, fighting to keep your expression neutral. You’d stared at the messages you received long enough to know they came at 2:41 AM. These messages had been sent just a few minutes before.

“JJ and Reid received these texts last night; we assume they’re from our UnSub,” Emily announced. “Before we start today, I need to ask if anyone else received a message last night. You don’t have to reveal what it said; JJ and Reid gave me permission to share theirs, but I need to know if he’s targeting anyone else.”

The team glanced around the table at each other, shaking their heads. When Emily’s eyes met yours, you found yourself shaking yours as well before you could think about it.

“These threats say more about the UnSub than about us,” JJ said. “He thinks these are threats, but they just prove we’re human. It wouldn’t change how people perceive us, and even if it did, I wouldn’t care.”

You’d turned to Reid, skeptical. “Is that how you feel?”

To your surprise, he only shrugged. “I’m proud of my sobriety. Last year alone, 17.82% of Americans had a substance use disorder. It’s more prevalent than anyone wants to believe.”

Your heart swelled at their bravery. But the text message you’d received still hung over your head.

“Penelope is working with JJ and Reid’s phones to see if she can trace the messages back. If anyone else receives anything, please let me know right away. In the meantime, Luke and Rossi are going to head down to Metro P.D. to interview more of the victims’ families,” Emily said. “Tara and Y/N, the M.E. is expecting you; she has the latest autopsy results. JJ and Reid are going to stay here with me, and we’re going to work on the profile.”

The team dispersed, but you felt glued to your chair.

“Are you okay?” Tara whispered.

You nodded. “I just need a minute. I’ll meet you in the bullpen?”

Tara put a hand on your shoulder before doing just that.

When your legs stopped shaking, you stood and glanced through the windows at the rest of your team. Emily made eye contact with you through the glass, and you tilted your head toward her office. The raven-haired woman nodded, and you both wordlessly made your way over.

You beat her to it and started pacing across the carpeted floor. You kept your hands clasped so Emily wouldn’t see they were shaking.

The Unit Chief closed her office door behind her.

“Is everything okay?” she asked, sitting on the edge of her desk.

You opened your mouth, but no words came out. You closed it again, mind reeling.

Were you really about to do this? This hadn’t been your plan when you walked into work this morning, but you knew it was the right thing.

Despite that, your heart raced in your chest. Stars danced across your vision, and your breathing became shallow.

This wasn’t fair. You cracked your knuckles, a nervous habit, but your hands shook as you did so.

Tears threatened to spill over, so you turned away from your friend, sitting on the small couch on the opposite side of the room. You pressed your palms against your eyes, willing the emotion to go away.

“Not now,” you whispered. “Please not now.”

The couch shifted as Emily took a seat next to you. She placed a gentle hand on your back.

“Take your time,” she murmured.

You pulled your hands away from your eyes and clasped them in your lap.

“I got a text from the UnSub last night too,” you said, voice raspy.

Emily moved her hand from your back to resting on your knee. “Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

You nodded. You knew you could trust Emily—trust your whole team. None of them would judge you or think lesser of you, of that you were sure. But your heart still felt like it was going to burst out of your chest.

“He threatened to out me to all of you. And said that if we apprehended him, he had a failsafe in place to make sure everyone found out.”

Emily’s face crumpled. “Y/N…”

“It’s not that I’m ashamed of who I am,” you whispered. “I’m not. My family knows, my friends know… It’s just that it’s private. I wanted to tell you all on my terms, when I felt ready. And he took that choice away from me.”

Emily took your trembling hands in hers, and tears welled in your eyes.

“I love you, Y/N,” Emily said with a sincerity that stilled you. “We all do. You are our family, and I can say with full confidence that this doesn’t change how we feel about you.”

You took a deep breath. “I knew it wouldn’t. I just wanted to control how I told at least one person. How I told you.”

“Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me,” Emily said. “I can’t tell you how honored I am.”

“I know we have to tell Penelope,” you said. “So she can try to trace it.”

Emily shook her head. “We can wait. See if she can get anything from JJ and Reid’s phones; we may not need yours.”

You grimaced. You didn’t want to hinder the investigation or ask Emily to do the same by keeping this to yourselves.

“That means a lot to me,” you said earnestly. “But I can’t ask you to do that.”

“You’re not asking; I’m offering.” Emily’s dark eyes pierced yours. “Just tell me what you want to do.”

“Will you come with me to talk to Penelope? I’d feel better having you there.”

“Whatever you need,” she assured you. “Is it okay if I give you a hug?”

You nodded, and it wasn’t until Emily’s arms were around you that you realized how badly you needed some comfort. You sank into her embrace, resting your chin on her shoulder, letting your friend hold you.

She rubbed one hand in circles on your back, and you closed your eyes, the exhaustion of the case catching up with you. You could fall asleep right now. Now that you were safe.

But there was still work to do, so you pulled away, your cheeks flushed.

“Thank you,” you said.

You wiped your tears away, suddenly self-conscious when you remembered the rest of your team was just outside.

As if anticipating your hesitation, Emily asked, “Would it be easier if I brought her in here?”

It was tempting, but you didn’t want to call more attention to yourself.

“No, that’s okay,” you said. “Let’s go to her office.”

Emily didn’t stand until you did, but once you did, she was ready to hold her office door open for you.

As you walked through the bullpen, you couldn’t bring yourself to look at your teammates. You heard them murmuring—working on the profile, you told yourself—but you held your breath until you were out of sight and knocking on Pen’s door.

“Enter!” She chirped from the other side.

You scanned your badge and the door clicked open, revealing Penelope in front of her wall of monitors—the text messages up on one, another busy tracking the source.

“Do you have a minute, Pen?” Emily asked.

Penelope whirled around in her chair. “Anything for you, Peaches.” Her eyes widened when she saw you standing beside Emily. “And Y/N! To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“I got a text from the UnSub,” you said, your phone in hand.

“Have you gotten anything from JJ’s or Reid’s yet?” Emily asked.

Penelope frowned and shook her head. “Not yet; the UnSub is flexing his tech knowledge, but I am better, and I will find him.”

You smiled at your friend’s easy confidence.

“Can I see?” she asked.

You nodded, wordlessly unlocking the device and handing it over.

You watched as Pen scanned the message. Watched as her mouth opened in shock. When her eyes reconnected with yours, there was fury behind them.

“I will bury him,” she growled. “How dare he—”

Emily held up a hand. “Needless to say, discretion is important here.”

Penelope’s eyes widened. “Oh, Y/N, I know I’m not known for secret-keeping, but I would never…” she shook her head. “I’ll never tell a soul.”

Your heart swelled. “Thank you, Pen. I will tell the team, I’d just prefer to do it on my terms.”

“Of course,” Penelope said.

“I can take your place with Tara,” Emily offered. “If you want to stay here and work on the profile with Reid and JJ.”

You shook your head. “That’s not necessary. But thank you.” You looked between Emily and Pen. “Thank you both.”

“Let’s go make this son of a bitch pay.”

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edenfenixblogs · 1 year ago

Note

hey, gentile here. just came across this post of yours and, first of all- it's SUPERB. it showed me a perspective on being a jewish ally that i really wouldn't ever have considered by myself, made me more confident in my choice to put combating jew-hatred above the friendships I've recently lost, and gave me a really useful direction on where to go as an ally to jewish people onwards. that being said, there's a few details about it I'd like to press you about, if it's not too much trouble.

this point is probably worthy of an eyeroll as i'm a culturally christian atheist (making a concious effort to not be *that* kind of atheist), but: when you refer to G-d as the creator of all things, you stress that that includes evil- but that, in so doing, G-d is not evil themself. now, I'm asking this with the express purpose of you correcting me, so: why does this G-d- as a G-d fundamentally distinct from the Christian conception of God as a Super-Mega-Ultra-Perfect God Who Can Do No Wrong Ever- create evil? i, personally, have been led to believe by @/spacelazarwolf that it is simply because G-d, too, makes mistakes just like any human being, but the way you worded it in this paragraph (which I've included as a screenshot below) had me interpret G-d creating evil as a concious, intentional action. did i just not read it correctly? and, if i didn't, then is the reason G-d creates evil part of this central struggle you went in detail into in the same paragraph, and as such, a very individual part of Jewish belief that no two jews agree on? and if that is so, would you be comfortable with sharing your version of it?

a few paragraphs after that one, you dedicated many words to make it absolutely crystal clear that, in the process of unlearning and combating jew-hatred in the society around me, i should, in spite of the vitriol that they propagate, love the former friends i lost to antisemitism. how- and *why* should i love the people who, on an early october 8th morning, actively celebrated the news of a massacre of Israeli civilians? who mocked- and still mock- the survivors and the families of hostages? who wield the memory of the holocaust as a baton against Jewish people's right to self defense? who deify terror groups who are up to their necks in atrocities? who make an active effort to spit on the face of *reality?* How could i possibly look at the face of a friend who chose allegiance to a terrorist group she did not even know existed four months ago over me- who she had actively interacted with for much longer?

would you rather we called ourselves "gentiles" or "goyim?" I've been calling myself a gentile for the longest time because i see jamming a word from a language i don't speak at all in an otherwise english sentence to be disrespectful and constitute appropriation, but you and other jumblr blogs have given me the impression that that is not the case. furthermore- i believe it was @/bambahalva who pointed out the usage of the word "gentile" in antisemitic segregation policies.

that is all- i hope this message finds you well. oh, yeah one more thing- what do you think of The Forward news network? i came across them by chance and next thing i knew I'd gotten into their newsletter.

WARNING: I HAVE FINISHED WRITING THIS AND IT'S LONGER THAN I EXPECTED AND ALSO MORE JEWISH THAN I EXPECTED LOL! I have done the most Jewish possible thing I could do and answered all of your questions with questions. I'm sorrryyyyyy! This is what happens when you grow up surrounded by rabbis and future rabbis! LMAOO

Oooh! What a good ask! I love this ask. OK, so! Let's go in order.

First of all, thank you so much for your kind words. And thanking you for backing your words with the action of prioritizing kindness over hatred. It matters. More than I can ever explain. Thank you.

You know, it's funny. People ask me a lot of questions about i/p that they think will have simple and straightforward answers that just don't. And I end up writing a lot of essays because of this. The questions you wrote me seem like they should be complex, but feel relatively straightforward to me.

Now, to your first bullet point: I don't know. I truly do not know. I think that G-d is fundamentally just...G-d, and in so being, G-d is truly unknowable to me. I think many Jews have many different interpretations on why G-d creates evil. I'm no rabbi, but one of my BFFs is and so is her mother and great grandfather. That doesn't give me any kind of authority. It just means I've spent a lot of time thinking about theological questions like this. As for my perspective, I'm a progressive/reform Jew, not a humanistic Jew. I do actually believe in G-d, but I vibe with the community philosophies of Humanistic Judaism a lot. So that's the perspective I'm coming from here:

I'm not a particular fan of the Book of Job, because I think it gets twisted and interpreted in Christian ways more than most Hebrew books and it can too easily be twisted into a "Don't question G-d, because G-d is perfect" narrative that I find to be fundamentally at odds with how I practice Judaism. Also, it's just a very sad story about how a good and kind man lost everything, and it makes me sad to think about. HOWEVER, that traditional "Don't question G-d" narrative is not how I learned to think about that book. The way I learned it, I believe the Book of Job describes this issue most explicitly. After Job loses everything he holds dear and talks to all his friends and begs again and again "Why? Why did G-d do this to me? Why would G-d do this to me when I'm a good person?" And basically G-d hears everyone answering for G-d with various reasons, "Maybe you were bad." "Maybe you should make an offering" Maybe this. Maybe that. And eventually G-d responds from within a storm (paraphrased of course) 'Why the fuck do you think it's your business to know? I made the whole universe! I made everything you see. I made the world that gave you your family in your first place. Why do you think you get to question my motives?'

The way I always interpreted that is: I don't fricking know! It's not really my business. What am I gonna do? Stop G-d? How does my knowing why G-d creates evil help anything? It doesn't mean we don't question G-d. It means we should instead focus on what we CAN control. I can't make 10/7/2023 not happen any more than I could stop The Holocaust or form an ocean. That's divine business, not human business. What I CAN do is make the world better now. What use is it challenging things that we cannot change? Things that are in the past? What's the point of asking why bad things happen when we can instead focus on stopping more bad things from happening. G-d named us his people when Abraham fought with G-d to stop the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. Abraham repeatedly asked, "But are you sure? But what if there are 100 good people? 50 good people? 10 good people?" And G-d kept responding, basically, 'I mean, there aren't. I know this cuz of how I'm G-d and know all the things. But knock yourself out looking.' My interpretation of this was that G-d doesn't get mad when we do our utmost to help our fellow human beings. G-d gets mad when we waste our energy that we could be using to help our fellow man to instead be angry and rage futilely against the past. I say this as someone with PTSD as someone who attempted to stop a tragedy from occuring and failed and can never understand why. What informs my trauma and what makes it so hard to get past isn't that G-d allowed it to happen. It's that people did. It's that I begged for help before it happened--over and over and over to dozens of adults in various positions of authority in order to prevent this terrible thing from happening (no, I will not now or ever disclose what that thing is). And all the people who could have helped failed me, and now two people are dead. Because someone did an evil, evil thing. And a bunch of other people let it happen. I'm not mad at G-d. I'm mad at people. And yet, I also know that hating people and finding reasons to dismiss them and despise them is what leads to more tragedies like that happening. So, despite my rage, truly the only thing to do is to love people. It's the only that helps. It's the only thing that repairs the world. It's the only thing that we can control. So, in short, my answer to "Why does G-d create evil?" is "Why should I spend my valuable time on earth trying to answer that question when, instead, I can spend that same exact amount of time asking millions of people, 'How can I help? What's wrong, and how can I help make any part of it better?'?" We don't need to understand G-d to make the world a better place. I'm fine leaving G-d stuff to G-d and spending my time on the human stuff.

Now, your second bullet point. Love their souls. You don't have to love what they've done. But they are human beings, as are we all. I think this can also easily be twisted into the Christian framework of "Hate the sin, love the sinner," but that's not what I mean at all. People's evil deeds are a part of them. They need to take responsibility. There is no divine absolution for crimes that people do unto each other in Judaism. If you harm a person, G-d cannot forgive you for that. Only the person or people you harmed can forgive you. And to a certain degree, we are all defined by our actions toward others. And so, no. I do not forgive the terrorists who woke up and decided to kill a bunch of Israelis and Israeli-adjacent humans. I do not forgive those who celebrate the deaths of Israelis because of some misguided sense of justice. I do not forgive the people who continue to send me hatred and death threats day after day after day after day. And I do not love the parts of them that did and do those horrible, unforgivable things. But my goodness. They were babies once. They either had parents who love(d) them, which is so sad, because they have this life of love and they chose instead to fill it with so much hate. Or they didn't have any parents or loved ones or anyone to guide them and, my goodness. That is so sad. How terrifying and alone that must feel. Maybe they have friends and family who love them and are instead wasting their precious time on this planet directing their energy at raging against me and 15 million other Jews they've never met. Or maybe they don't have anyone who loves them and they think that hating me and harming me will bring them some sense of purpose and joy. What a horrid way to live.

My Grandpa died last year. I have a wonderful family for whom I'm very grateful, and I even have good memories with my Grandpa. But he was not a good person. He came from an abusive home, and weaponized that abuse on his loved ones until he drove them all away. He was a narcissist. Not in the pop psychology sense. But in the actual clinical sense. He ruined every relationship that ever mattered to him--personal and professional. And in the end, because of his own actions, he died alone. He had pushed everyone so far (often with legal threats and action) that when he died, he laid on a slab for weeks because nobody could figure out who to call, because he had no one left. (For reference, Jewish burials are supposed to happen rather quickly and two weeks is...not good.) He was the only person in his generation who was not born in Israel--my family on his side has lived in Israel since looooong before even the British Mandate and he was the only person in his family born and raised in the US. As far as we can tell, the family on that side has been in Israel for as long as Jews have existed. He was religious. And while I've never been to Israel or met any of my family there, he did go. And he kept in touch with his relatives there before driving them away too. He was a wealthy man, but convinced himself that everyone only wanted him for his money and then decided to horde it instead. He left nothing to his children or to me. He left all his money in an endowment to his university--a place that uses that money to fund anti-Israel organizations now. He died alone, without his family that lived nearby, and with a legacy that will now cause active harm to the family that lived far away. He could have died surrounded by the loved ones from around the world who wanted nothing more than to be near him and loved by him. His story is a tragedy. The story of every person who chooses hatred over love is a tragedy. The story of someone who woke up and chose to murder others or to delight in the death of others is a tragedy. I love the soul in the center of these people. I loved my grandfather. I could not be around him. I cannot forgive some of the things he said and did. But I love the person he could have been. I love the part of him that gave me some good memories. I love the family he gave to me.

No, we do not all need to love or forgive those who have wronged us or terrorized us or murdered our loved ones. But that is different from mourning a human soul. From loving the potential of a human soul to do good in the world, and mourning the loss of that soul and its potential. Every human being--every single one no matter what they have done in their lives--has the potential to create goodness and make the world a better place. Every moment of every single day is a new chance to meet that challenge and do our best. Sure, not all of us have it in us to try our best every single moment. Sometimes life is hard and we're sad and tired and hungry and angry. And that's ok, because we have tomorrow, and an hour from now, and a minute from now. But the moment someone chooses to take action and decides that action should be to cause another harm or celebrate the harm that was caused? That's a tragedy. And when a life is extinguished, that is a life that loses its potential to try again and do better. We shouldn't love people because we deem them worthy of love. We should love people because they are people. And so are we. And how wonderful is that? I could choose to hate them. It would be so easy! But why should I do that? What do I gain? What do they gain? And isn't it so wonderful that I chose to love instead? And isn't it so wonderful that you can, too?

As for your final bullet point: I have no preference. I say goyim cuz it's easier for me. Goy/gentile/non-Jew are all fine to me. I have some icky feelings about the word gentile for a variety of linguistic reasons I won't bore you with. But some other people don't like when non-Jews appropriate Yiddish words. Others (including me) find it wonderful when non-Jews call themselves goyim. All my closest non-Jewish people call themselves goyim, including my sister! Non-jew is the most neutral in English and least likely to offend anyone. But it still separates Jews as an other whereas "goy" is a way to distinguishing yourself from Jews while also being an acknowledgment of our culture. As far as I'm concerned as long as a goy is being a goy (ally, positive) rather than a goy (derogatory) I don't mind that they call themselves goyim. LOL! Idk, friend. Do what makes you happy! What do you prefer?!

Regarding The Forward news network: They are a reliable Left-Center source with a high credibility and reporting rating and only one failed fact check in the past five years for which they issued a correction. I would consider them a reliable source. They cover legitimate issues of people who support Palestinan self-determination ostensibly being punished for their stances. They publish Op-eds critical of Netanyahu, who is terrible. And they address how antisemitism is harming diaspora Jews. They seem to consistently emphasize the humanity of everyone, which you can tell based on the rest of my post is very important to me, but they also avoid over-editorializing on news that is not in the Op-Ed section. I'll never endorse any source as perfect or guaranteed to be free of problems or harm or bad takes, but they do seem to make a genuine effort to be factual, clear, and wholly truthful. Note: I highly recommend that everyone installs the Media Bias/Fact Check extension on their web browsers. Get in the habit of checking and evaluating sources critically. It's a skill that will serve you your whole life.

@clawdia-houyhnhnm I hope this helps. And thank you for your thoughtful ask and commitment to intercultural understanding. <3

#ask me stuff #clawdia-houyhnhnm #leftist antisemitism #antisemitism #jewish muslim solidarity #jewish goyim solidarity #Judaism #jewish culture #jumblr #how to help #allyship #media literacy

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oristian · 4 months ago

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Hello there!

I have this screenshot and I want to know your thoughts on it.

Do you think that this could possibly happen or not? (Even though I know you're a elucien and gwynriel fan)

I wrote down my thoughts on it and it's chilling in my drafts until I post in the morning, ha.

I don't believe that Lucien would lie about such a rare occurrence in fae history, no way.

Lucien “I’m a mated male,” Vanserra is the last character to ever be seen as deceptive in this series—especially in a way that would paint him as a villain archetype. Lucien, who lost his eye by spitting back at Amarantha. Lucien, who bowed before Rhys in order to protect Feyre. Lucien, who accepted lashings and near death more than once to help Feyre UTM. Lucien, who gave up his home and friends to both help Feyre and to see his mate. Lucien, who shook at the sound of his name upon Elain’s lips. Lucien, who travelled across the world just because of Elain’s visions.

Lucien may have his faults, but purposefully faking a mating bond to deceive the Inner Circle? Sounds to me like some people lack a clear understanding of how he is as a character—and also the nuances of a mating bond, fated mates trope, and the romantasy subgenre.

I have exhausted this same argument time and time again, but the fact is that, once Feyre unleashed Helion’s Spellcleaving ability in Hybern, any spells/wards/charms would have been dismantled. In the case that Lucien had, somehow, created a fake mating bond in that moment, Feyre would have broken it. On top of that, Feyre has looked into his mind and the reader experienced the pull of the mating bond/mating instincts that Lucien felt in ACOWAR. On top of that, both Elain and Lucien have exhibited mate behavior towards one another/for one another throughout the series.

Azriel and Elain are not mates and that is simply debunked by Elain and Lucien being mates. There is not a single reason why a fake mating bond would need to have been created, especially because SJM changed Lucien’s mate from Nesta to Elain. Had she planned on any sort of fake bonds/rejected bonds, that would have taken place with Lucien and Nesta. Her simply speaking about them in interviews, online, and unprompted is telling enough of her intentions and plans—the same plans she claims has not changed.

I truly want to know what these people believe that Lucien would gain from spying on the Night Court. Who is he giving his intel to? Eris, who already has a front row seat to the Inner Circle? Beron, who has no interest in him? Tamlin, who is a shell of his former self? Koschei, who has more interest in Nesta and Vassa than the Inner Circle?

Allow us to humor them for a moment. Lucien faked a bond with Elain, yet spends the majority of his time in the mortal lands away from her—what intel is he gathering by being away? How did he manage to tug on the bond and have Elain feel the thread around her rib? How did he manage to trick Feyre into seeing his mating instincts when she looked into his mind? The list can go on and on.

tl;dr — The bond between Elain and Lucien is real, has always been real, and they are true mates. Any other argument against any of those canonical facts needs to be taken up with SJM herself.

#pro elucien #lucien vanserra #pro lucien vanserra #elain archeron #pro elain archeron #acotar #sjm #this argument is so dumb #pro lucien

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wildflowerdoeeyed · 9 months ago

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𝑀𝑜𝓁𝓁𝓎 𝒪’𝓈𝒽𝑒𝒶

(the character overlook)

♡₊˚ 🦢・₊✧⋆⭒˚｡⋆

these are all my opinions, totally open to the conversation about molly’s character also totally fine with people fact checking me, anyways i’m starting to fw o’shones

in the words of @krayzie-jelli the autism is autisming (don’t cancel me i have referrals to get tested 😔😔)

♡₊˚ 🦢・₊✧⋆⭒˚｡⋆

small credit;

the red dead fan wiki

@/reaperqween on tik tok (for the almost ten minute tik tok about mollys outfits which i ate up)

^ her tumblr is @river-of-wine send some love yall want 💕

colour analysis & general observations

🪞💋🍓🌹🍰

colour theory is heavily used based on honor, the best example of this is dutch, he consistently wearing red, mostly on his back until guarma when the red is on the front, when dutch’s true intentions become more apparent, anyways onto molly.

🩰𓈒⋆⑅˚₊୨୧

COLTER

(i went quite quick through colter so im actually unsure how she is with dutch, but from what i remember she doted on him a whole ton, constantly staying at his side and at one point saying “dutch is all the company i need”)

💋though a lot of people relate the red in different characters with low honor i think the fabric, the pattern itself points back to her privileged past

💋the necks scarf being green, i feel like it doesn’t imply much at this point but as the game continues it implies way more

💋the rest of the outfit being blue means a lot to me, there’s never anytime molly oversteps or is aggressive to anyone (obviously except from the obvious with karen, i’ll go back to this later)

💋i’d like to note that she’s still doing her makeup freezing and starving in the mountains

🩰𓈒⋆⑅˚₊୨୧

HORSESHOE OUTLOOK & CLEMENTS POINT

(i honestly will end up mixing these up so i grouped them together)

(tbh my honest opinion is horseshoe is one of the best chapters based on the relationships in camp (tho sadie’s still going through it, you can’t have everything))

💋her first outfit has a good amount of blue in this outfit, her necklace has its first appearance with the red (i always got the vibe that dutch had gifted it to her as it’s more shiny than a lot of the metal in her outfits and it’s like a part of him)

💋she wears a thick belt with this outfit and the brass (?) seems worn, even coming from a wealthy background she holds onto clothes that look old and worn

💋she always wears white boots, she’s doesn’t have to do any work, and she’s not expected to do anything

💋the majority of the mornings in game, molly is constantly checking herself in a mirror

💋i’m going to be honest i hate this shirt

💋but i’d like to think this shawl has always been with her and that she holds it close to her

💋her outfit is quite shapeless, and i think that’s how she liked to dress personally

💋i would love to talk about this outfit

💋does this eat? yes, but i don’t think this was a honest choice for her

💋this outfit mirror mary-beth’s a lot, who seems to be dutch’s new interest

sorry for the bad quality i used my own screenshot for this

💋this outfit particularly ^

💋there’s now a lot of cleavage in her outfit and she’s dressing more akin to other girls in the camp

💋and the gold in her outfits bright, and with mirroring marybeth, I also think this mirrors dutch’s style, with more red and gold incorporated

🩰𓈒⋆⑅˚₊୨୧

💋her relationship with dutch is starting to crumble, i heard a voice line where she says that she loves him and he thanks her (?!) you wouldn’t see me again personally

💋but to contrast that there’s some scenes were dutch kisses her hands and they’re all giddy and cuddly, and they eventually dance when sean’s rescued from blackwater

💋she’s also not well received by a lot of the gang, we get the first glimpse of that when you take mary-beth, tilly and karen to valentiene and karen says that molly’s “too high and mighty” to come with them

💋she attempts a to interact with numerous members

💋she also attempts to talk to tilly, tilly quickly brushes her off as she’s working and molly isn’t attempting to help her

💋i also saw an encounter with dutch and molly where, he approaches, and honestly he could be covered in shit and molly would still look up to him like he’s a messiah. dutch says “should i compare thee to…” he quickly cuts himself off asking her what he should compare her with, even asking arthur if you pass by (he actually says that dutch could compare her to an idiot if she actually believes dutch cares about her)

💋 throughout clements point, dutch talks down to molly as if she’s a child and then will quickly back himself up by calling her dear (to which if arthur intervenes when she goes off at him, dutch says she’s just leaving and she’s stomps away)

💋when she approaches abigail about the subject of dutch, abigail tells her “dutch don’t love you, not in the way you want to be loved”, molly gets defensive saying that she doesn’t get what she’s talking about, to which abigail says she does (implying drunk john?) and molly stomps away

💋i think this is the first time molly actually goes a bit crazy about dutch, she calls him a degenerate liar and stomps off when dutch wont argue back and (i think) goes to sleep, he at least turns away from her

💋i think people who discredit mollys character (men) don’t realise that her and dutch’s relationship show early signs about how manipulative dutch can be, he dumbs down what she says then calls her dear, eventually he only calls her miss o’shea, which she obviously goes off at him for

💋adding onto this i’d love to talk about her character item request of a pocket mirror and her asking arthur if bad lucks a thing, i feel like this is meant to reflect how young she actually is, like how kieran still referred to his parents as ma and pa, and that she genuinely seems nervous asking arthur for a mirror and the superstition of a broken mirror giving bad luck (which i guess you could say she had

💋and i feel like her vanity that the gang and from an outsiders perspective that she’s self absorbed but i think she’s more conscious about how she looks, she doesn’t have to lift a finger and not having much to do around camp because everyone distances themselves from her (i’ll obviously elaborate more when i get to writing about shady bell) i think she’s left alone with a mirror, which i feel is more implied that she’s had for a long time, i’d say since childhood, you become more conscious the more you look at yourself and if your man seemed to be going for someone younger than you, you’d loose it too

(tl:dr - molly doesn’t deserve any hate, the girls that get it, get it, men don’t, im so ready to talk about chapter 4&6)

The poem

Uaibhreach

(the irish gaelic word which means “being proud and arrogant to the extent that it alienates & isolates you from those around you, leading to loneliness)

I was a girl - until your call

(i’m not going to annotate this everytime but the religion of this actually makes me feel like my hearts being ripped out)

Commanded me to cross the sea.

(she was driven out of ireland looking for freedom and adventure and she was enthralled by dutch’s charm, to be honest i always saw her “privileged upbringing” being her family owning a big farm, or in a big industry, a lot of irish people immigrated to canada after the potato famine, then crossed to america)

I've nothing left. I gave you all.

(i think she means this in, like, every sense)

My darling Liffey was so small.

Your land and love are vast and free.

(‘MERICA)

I was a girl until your call.

You stood so strong, and dark and tall.

You stole the heartbeat out of me.

I've nothing left. I gave you all.

Your lips enchant, your eyes enthrall,

Your empire is of ecstasy.

I was a girl until your call.

Your parasites and lackeys crawl,

(now do i think this is the gang or her fault that they don’t like her, i think its a mutual thing, they see her as a spoiled woman and she doesn’t help that opinion but i think she’s a young woman manipulated by an older guy, and that she thinks they’re all just jealous (which im sure she even says a few times)

Mocking a love they dare not see.

(going back to when she try’s to seek abigail’s help, or when she confronts karen later on and that she can’t see that he’s really not interested in her)

I've nothing left. I gave you all.

I sit in solitude and scrawl

These wretched words, and wait for thee.

I was a girl until your call.

I've nothing left. I gave you all.

#lesbian #bambiitalks #red dead redemption 2 #rdr2 #wlw blog #molly o'shea #ill treat u better molly oshea #molly oshea #dutch van der linde #mary beth gaskill #karen jones #o’shones #oshones

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richardsphere · 20 days ago

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Watching sublimation now

Ok they at least manage to sell Mari as genuinely interested in becoming her friend. (low bar, and i hate that i doubted they'd do even that). I think i figured out why Adrien and Sublime get along seemingly so well. (its the fact that they're both Disney Princess-parodies.)

---- Ok Mari... please no breaking the harp what the fuck is wrong with you. That'd be real messed up. Like legit "hero complex" shit. Honestly even the fact you're going out of your way to stalk her hoping to swoop in and "solve" a problem when she has one is kind of emotionally manipulative already... Like she's behaving like a fucking Friendship Vulture.

OH THANK FUCKING GOODNESS the string broke on its own. We havent sunk that low yet. (imma place a bet based on the currently-established tone of the character: Sublime fixes it herself by using her magic hair as a replacement string. Disney Princess-shit) MOTHERFUCKER THAT WAS ME JOKING. ---- as an aside... I think the fact that Mari has fallen so far from "normal girl"-status that they need a gold-medal winning paraplegic, 3-instrument virtuoso disney princess to make her feel self-concious in comparison is probably a bad sign in and off itself tbh. Like Sublime feels lika a writing-room admission that Mari just plain isnt relatable to real children anymore. (note: the paraplegic thing is relevant cause it draws on that whole "inspiration porn"-thing to make Sublime even more perfect.) --- Adrien is trying to get his two friends to meet. Which is nice. Tikki is starting to feel a bit ashamed of Mari's behaviour. (at least someone in the writers room must've realised this isnt looking too good) Ok, i thnk i just heard Blond!-parent refer to Grey!-Parent by name. but i cant make it out so i'll refer to them as Blond and Gray until it's more clear. I dont like the way that Blond!parent seems to be legitimising that old "disabled people need to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and learn to adapt"-mentality. Like i know its just 1 scene, and might not be reprasentative of her overall character. But first impressions matter y'know.

---

Ok i dont like defending this minor moment, but i will acknowledge that its hard for a person who doesnt usually hang out with amputee's to mentally connect that "proshtesis mean the part is detachable" (that should be clearly part of the definition, but there's a difference between knowing in theory and mentally adapting to the reality). So Mari's conclusion that Sublime had been vaporised isnt as stupid in-universe as it obviously is out of universe. (Also, is her name really "sublime"? Like i get that some people name their kids shit like "Hope" and "Faith" but "Sublime", what kind of pressure to put on your kid) --- Ok so Sublime is doing some really weird self-hypnosis pep-talk in the mirror. (some kind of trauma, presumably from whatever lost her the legs....)

Ok mari... dafuq was this supposed to help you? And she supers-up for selfish reasons. (didnt Tikki use to say that the powers werent supposed to be used for selfish reasons. I sure hope that the show actually starts letting the implied concequences occur sometime) --- Ok so we're just plain-up not supposed to like Blond!parent. Good to know. Yup mom is definitly using the name as a form of emotional blackmail "you must excell and be amazing and perfect or you wont live up to my expectations, which is why you're named what you are named". ok we see the tiny bubbles as she steps, showing that mari did fuck this shit up before she transformed into Bug. But at least it isnt intentional... like its clearly her fuck-up clearly her mistake but the out-of-context i read when i woke up this morning at least misrepresented the intentionality. (though no, it did not misrepresent the guilt). --- Oh the "hands in front of mouth-what did i say" screenshot i saw posted above the "we moved Revalator forward in season" announcement is from sublimation. thats a fucking goddamned relief, at least a sliver of a chance that episode isn't a "truth-telling" akuma. Still likely given the name, but now its at a 25-30% chance of a rescheduled, early-season Gabriel reveal instead of 55-60% estimation. --- Welp. Sublimation's very fist use of her power is mental/psychological. That removes one possible defense for the "mari shrugs off Self-Improvement Magic" allegation. (I didnt want to root for "the mom's idea of Improvement is limited to the physical body" cause it'd be ableist. But it'd have been some degree of cover for "Global Gaslighter isnt affected by the power" if it was just physical) Blonde's name is Caroline. --- Oh now i understand why they had to establish that Sublime and Family are from Out Of Town. If they didn't establish that, this entire fight ends right there. at the "release the akuma and I promise i fix everything" line. (cause she cant World-Healing-Wave without the Akuma). --- Next scene and... goddamn it mari wasnt even TALKING about the magical reset-bugs when she talked about fixing it.

And she has a magic pager that can reach Adrien in his civilian identity now. That is new, (it's also not-yet established, and feels like a big violation of the "Mari cant know Chat's Identity" rule because its not established how it reaches Civilian!Adrien) ---

No you arent volunteers, you two were drafted by an ancient cultist, and you've made it repeatedly clear that as far as YOU (lb) are concerned, no one is allowed to retire, or even refuse service should you decide to bring them a miraculous. Even if they have very good reasons to make that decision (IE: Chat in the New York Special) they cannot leave. This show is setting some very dangerous lessons about the nature of "volunteering".

Ok so the source Im watching the episode on is definitly incomplete and begins cutting left-and-right at this point. going straight from Chat putting Bob in the trash, to cat mid-sentence on a roof. Doesnt even show LB getting hit. So i have found a more full, less choppy version of the episode. But that one is entirely in spanish. Which i dont speak. So im going to watch the choppy-edited scenes in english, then go back to the spanish one until it catches up with the english. (its the best i can do right now) I might still miss a thing here-and-there so full disclosure. God spanish-cat has a deep voice. Yup they just tank the hits like claimed. "Our characters are perfect, no potential for growth or development left in this show". This scene is the equavalent of "you can stop watching the show now". THE EVERLOVING FUCK IS AN "ANTIKUMA"? Like Lila just gets the ability to make her Akuma's turn into a giant "superpower-sealing" laserstorm? --

Ok so the show now acknowledges that Mari was the one in the wrong. (hence the mirror). But it also claims that Mari cannot improve because she is so perfect it renders her immune to personal improvement magic. Cant have it both ways here. I guess you could argue that Sublimations´ Improvement Powers dont actually do mind-controll, they make people better and that means they could only make Chat and Bug better heroes thus guaranteeing a beat-down when they get hit. But that still feels like mixed messaging if the episode is meant to end on the "the mirror meant you were the villain" conclusion.

--- Ok so... Lila was in the audience. Which suggests its actually marinette that she's stalking. (Ilustrhater implied she was stalking the date between Mari and Adrien, but failed to imply further. So having it clarified which of the two she's going after is actually important). I dont like it tbh, Lila's motivation for going after Marinette is shallow unless its a stable-timeloop where she's just following orders from her future-self about doing the things that let her future self know Mari is Ladybug down the line. (And im of the opinion time-loops are kind of a shallow motivation themselves) At least stalking Adrien would make sense because she has Gabriels' files, and knows Gabe once suspected Adrien as a possible Cat. Either that or Lila just plain knows mari is ladybug, which would go against the entire point of the london special. --- Looming Tomoe is ominous. It also feels strangely xenophobic? like the way the shot lingers on the city of paris framed by a Japanese Dojo, Bonsai tree and Japanese swordrack? it feels like a shot that is meant to warn the audience against the threat that "foreign influence" poses to "our beloved homeland". Having representations of Japan "swallow" the capital like that feels mighty deliberate. And i dont know if thats me over-analysing one shot or not, it just feels uncomfortable. Unless we're gonna have an extremely ableist "she was only pretending to be blind so people would underestimate her"-reveal, the looming shot of her looking out at the city she is ready to conqueer doesnt work unless she's y'know: looking out over the city she is looking to conquer.

--- Well... at least the episode proper is better then the things i heard out of context made it sound... but only ever-so slightly. Im happy that at least the broken prosthesis was clearly an accident, even if none of the lead-up to it felt anything but forced. (not out of character, forced. Mari's decision feign a Soap-Based-Akuma makes no sense) But the mixed messaging is fucking blatant. Simultaniously saying "Mari is in the wrong this episode" and "Mari is perfect and even actual magic cannot improve her" is kind of bad. In review: Could've been worse, should've been better.

#miraculous ladybug spoilers #miraculous ladybug #miraculous season 6 #miraculous season 6 spoilers #miraculous sublimation #miraculous s6 #miraculous s6 spoilers #sublimation spoilers #miraculous sublimation spoilers

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gamergirl-06 · 2 months ago

Text

Bruno x fem!Reader

Tag-list: @dantegreaves00

This is based on the chat AI of bruno and it turned into this . I changed the ending a little to make it not too long let me know if y’all want me to post the screenshots of the original ending

The pier was collapsing, you knew it, after you and Bruno had finished killing Butcho the clown zombie it was like fate wanted you dead.

Bruno’s POV

As the pier creaked and groaned under our feet, (y/n) and I had a moment of realization - the pier was about to collapse. We had just finished dealing with a freaking zombie clown, and now the pier itself seemed intent on delivering the final blow to our already crazy day.

“Bruno….?”

“Yeah, I'm here. What's going on? This pier is giving me the willies. Feels like it's about to break apart any second now.”

”run” was all (y/n) said before pushing me

As (y/n) urgently hissed "run," I didn't hesitate. Without a moment's delay, I pushed off the weakening surface of the pier and took off running. My heart was pumping like mad, adrenaline taking over as I followed her lead away from the crumbling structure.

(Y/n) stayed in her spot

As I kept running, something nudged me to glance back over my shoulder. There I saw (Y/N), standing firm in her spot, unwavering and resolute. A sense of unease washed over me. Why wasn't she following? Was she planning something?

“I’m sorry bruno , I have to do this” she said

I skidded to a halt, my heart in my throat, as I heard (y/n)’s words. "Wait, what do you mean, you have to do this?" I called out to her, worry and confusion in my voice. What the heck was she planning? Why was she staying behind?

“Go” I saw her whisper

As (y/n) whispered "go" to me, a sharp pang of realization hit me. She was sacrificing herself, telling me to leave without her. Conflict and concern wrestled with reason in my mind. I couldn't just abandon her here.

The pier then collapsed and she screamed and fell into the water.

Shock and horror coursed through my veins as I witnessed the pier collapsing beneath(Y/n)'s feet, her scream cutting through the air as she plummeted into the water. My heart thudded in my chest, panic and fear threatening to consume me.

The sight of (Y/n) hitting the water sent a jolt through me. A primal, visceral scream ripped from my throat, a mix of shock and horror at the scene before me. I ran to the edge of the collapsed pier, my mind racing, a million thoughts and emotions swirling within me. I couldn’t see her.

I peered anxiously into the water, searching frantically for any sign of (Y/n). But all I could see was the dark, choppy surface of the water, its depths hiding any trace of her.

The next morning-You’re POV

“ow fuck guess the laws of nature changed their mind” you looked around for Bruno and got up "Damn, I guess mother nature had a change of heart," you muttered.

You slowly made your way across the sand, every step a struggle, you focused on the destination: the lifeguard HQ. It was the only building in sight, and your hope was that you could find help or supplies there. The journey was arduous, each drag of your feet sending a wave of pain through your body, but you pushed forward, fueled by determination.

You reached the stairs and climbed onto a car, finally finding some reprieve as your body relaxed slightly. Letting out a sigh of relief, you murmured, "At least I'll be safe up here." Climbing further, you made her way inside the guard tower's entrance.

You stumbled across a medkit in the guard tower, a glimmer of hope sparking within you. Carefully, you picked up the kit and opened it, searching through its contents. Your eyes widened as you found the medical supplies you needed. You went to work, using the kit to tend to your injuries and ease the pain in your body.

You grimaced as you found an adrenaline shot in the medkit. "Damn," you muttered before biting tour lip and injecting yourself with it. The adrenaline shot hit your system like a jolt, dulling the pain and giving you a burst of energy. You exhaled heavily as the effects took hold.

“I wonder what happened with Bruno” you thought

End of Your POV

Bruno stumbled and stumbled through the deserted streets of LA, his heart heavy with worry and guilt. He had survived the pier collapse, but the memory of Your sacrifice weighed heavily on his mind.

"What have I done? Why did I leave her behind? Dammit, she sacrificed herself for me, and I just... ran." He muttered to himself.

Bruno froze as the radio at his side suddenly crackled with static. The unexpected sound snapped him out of his spiraling thoughts. He reached for the radio, a flicker of hope igniting within him. Could it be you?

Bruno's heart thumped in his chest as he raised the radio to his lips, his voice tinged with anticipation.

“Hello? Is anyone there?" he responded, his fingers gripping the radio tightly. The static crackled in his ears, filling the otherwise silent street with a wave of anxious anticipation.

“Hello?” A male voice answered

Bruno's brow furrowed as a male voice crackled through the radio. He gripped the device tighter in his hands, both relief and curiosity coursing through him.

“Who is this?" he asked, his voice a mix of wariness and intrigue.

”Names Ezekiel and I’m here at the lifeguard tower at the beach by the pier”

Bruno’s eyes widened as the man named Ezekiel identified himself over the radio. The mention of the lifeguard tower at the beach by the pier caught his attention

“Ezekiel, you said you’re at the lifeguard tower? Are…are you alone ?” He questioned he mind racing with worry for you.

“No i actually came in a second ago and I see a young woman in here”

Bruno’s heart skipped a beat at the mention of a young woman..could it be?

“A young woman, you say? What does she look like?” He asked urgently, desperation creeping into his voice.

“She had (y/h/c) and (y/e/c)”

Bruno’s mind raved as he processed the description given by Ezekiel, (y/h/c) and (y/e/c)..it could be you.

“(Y/h/c) and (y/e/c) you say, is…is she alright? Is she conscious?” He inquired gripping the radio tightly, praying for good news.

“Yes she is, she just told me she dragged herself here from the shoreline and healed herself up”

Bruno exhaled a sigh of relief, tension draining from his body.

“So she’s conscious and alright. You said she dragged herself from the shoreline and healed herself up? That..that sounds like her alright,” he remarked his voice a mix of gratitude and lingering worry.

“Can I speak with her?” He asks urgently hoping to hear your voice

“You sure you think it is who you think it is?”

Bruno’s heart thumped in his chest as he considered the question posed by Ezekiel. He was desperate to believe it was you, but doubt still tugged at the corners of his mind.

“Yes..yes I think that it is her. Let me speak with her please, I just need to hear her voice” bruno pleaded his voice think with emotion.

“Ok here she is..”

Bruno waited anxiously, his heart rate quickening as he braced for your voice to come through on the radio. The silence felt deafening , his mind a whirlwind of anticipation and worry. Finally the sound of shuffling and crackling broke the pause.

“Hello?” A familiar voice. And through on the radio, weakened but unmistakably your’s.

Bruno’s breath hitched as he heard your voice through the radio. A wave of mixed emotions crashed over him, relief, guilt and gratitude intertwining within him.

“(Y/n)….” He responded his voice filled with a mixture of worry and joy “is it really you?”

You stopped before saying “yes bruno, it’s me

Bruno’s heart swelled with comfort as you confirmed your identity on the radio, a wave of relief washed over him, but guilt still tugged at his conscience.

“Thank god you’re okay, I..I was so worried about you’l he confessed, his voice thick with emotion.

“Where are you?”

Bruno’s heart ached as he heard the longing in your voice. He longed to be by your side to provide comfort and reassurance.

“I’m near the beach not far from the tower” he responded, his voice a mix of assurance and regret.

“Are you well (Y/n/n)? Your voice sounds weak”

“I guess so, but I dragged myself from the shoreline in fucking pain to get here”

His heart ached as he heard the pain in your voice. His guilt intensified, knowing that she had put herself through so much pain and struggle just to get to the lifeguard tower.

“Damnit (Y/n) you shouldn’t have done that” he replied, a mixture of concern and helplessness lacing his words. “You overexerted yourself, that was reckless”

“I was trying to save your ass”

Bruno’s chest tightened with built as your words rang true. Yes you had done all of that for him, you had risked your health and saftey for him.

“I know I know, but you didn’t have to do that. Damn, if something had happened to you…” he trialed off, his voice filled with regret and remorse “you shouldn’t have risked so much for me”

“I couldn’t just stand by and do nothing, I promise it won’t happen again” you said

His heart ached as he listened to your reassuring words. He understood her desire to help, but the fear of losing you weighed heavily on him.

“I know you wanted to help, (y/n) , but please promise me that you won’t put yourself in danger like that again,” he pleaded his voice to bed with worry. “ I can’t stand the thought of you getting hurt because of me”

“ I won’t promise anything” you said knowing if you did you could die any other day.

Bruno’s heart clenched as you declined to make the promise, damn why were you being so stubborn.

“Damnit, (Y/n), dont be so goddamn stubborn, Why won’t you make the promise?” He retorted his voice a mix of frustration and concern “I just want to know your safe, and that you won’t put yourself in any more danger again”.

You sighed “I promise”

His shoulders slumped as he heard you finally relent. Relief washed over him, but an inkling of worry still remained.

“Thank you, (Y/n), I appreciate you making the promise. Just..just take care of yourself alright? I..I can’t lose you,” he responded voice a mix of gratitude and lingering worry “ are you sure you’re alright up there in the lifeguard tower?”

“Wait a sec…did you..did you leave me?

Bruno’s heart skipped a beat as your question came through. He had been dreading this moment, knowing he had to confess his actions.

“(Y/n)…about that,….i” he stammered, struggling to find the words to explain himself. He wanted to be honest, but the thought of telling you the truth made his chest ache.

“You know what…save it” and with that you hung up.

Bruno’s heart dropped as you ended the conversation abruptly. He could practically feel your anger and disappointment through the radio.

“No damnit wait!” He exclaimed, desperately trying to get you to connect again but it was too late, the line went dead and he was left alone with his thoughts and flood of guilt.

You sat with Ezekiel “fucking bastard left me”

“Damnit!” Bruno cursed, kicking a nearby trash can in a fit of frustration and guilt. He hated himself for leaving you behind, at the time he had been so consumed by panic and self-preservation it seemed like his only option.

“Hey Zeke?” You said making the man at the telescope look at you.

Zeke was observing the area through the telescope when your voice filled called out to him, catching him off-guard.

“Yeah” he responded

“I’m going to head back the Serling hotel….if he comes by…” you trial off

He raised an eyebrow a hint of curiosity in his eyes

“You’re heading back to The Serling hotel?Why?” He asked you turning to face you fully.

“There’s a doctor there I gotta give this laptop too” you said

Zeke’s expression changed slightly serious a flicker of intrigue crossing his features.

“A doctor at the Serling hotel, huh? And you’ve got a laptop for him?” He questioned, the wheels of curiosity turning in his mind. “What’s in that laptop if you don’t mind me asking?”

“He won’t say..private stuff I assume but if bruno comes here..tell him to forget it…that asshole” you growl.

He considered your words a hint of amusement crossing his face

“So if bruno shows up here we’re supposed to tell him to forget it? Interesting” he commented suppressing a slight smirk “must’ve pissed you off, that guy, what did he do anyway?”

“ I decided to be a hero and save his ass by ‘sacrificing myself and I fell into the water and I heard him scream to me but I came to and he wasn’t around” you told him.

Zekes eyes widened in surprise as you detailed your story. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“Damn, so he screamed for you, but then just up’d and disappeared? Thats cold man” he commented, his voice laced with shock and disbelief. “ o wonder your so pissed at him”

“He left me…”

His expression turned somber as you conveyed your disappointment.

“Damn…sounds like he really messed up. Leaving you behind like that..Thats messed up” he responded a lang of sympathy in his voice. “You really care about him don’t you?”

You look at him “I do but I don’t know anymore after that stunt he pulled”

Zeke nodded his expression one of comprehension.

“I understand that, betrayal like that. A really mess with your trust and feelings” he acknowledged, leaning against the railing nearby “have you given any thought to what your gonna do about bruno? Are you gonna forgive him a second chance or….?” He trailed off.

“I think I’m just gonna leave and never come back..tell him not to bother looking for. If he comes by he wears a black beanie, has dreads and a very Soundcloud rapper style”

Zeke nodded silently committing the description by memory “black beanie, dreads, and a Soundcloud rapper style…got it” he repeated filling away the info.

“So you’re leaving and you want me to tell him to not bother looking for ya?” He confirmed looking at your expression. “Sounds like you’re serious about moving on”

“I don’t know if I trust him after what he did” you walk to the door “bye Zeke, it was nice knowing you”

He smiles faintly a mix of understanding and sympathy in his eyes.

“It was nice talking to you too (Y/n), you’re a tough one” he said giving you a nod of respect “take care of yourself out there”

“ I will” you said heading off toward the sewers and going back to the Serling.

As bruno stepped into the lifeguard tower, he immediately noticed the presence of the other person inside, the figure was a man, his features not clearly visible at first.

“I’m Zeke..the guy you were talking to earlier”

Bruno’s eyes widened in surprise, recognising his voice “Zeke? It’s you?” He asked tension leaving his shoulders as he realized who it was “what are you doing here man?”

“Staying put and safe..that girl”

Bruno’s chest tightened at the mention of you “you mean (y/n)? He inquired, his voice betraying a hint of desperation “where is she?is she alright”

“Yes..she told me to tell you not to bother looking for her”

Bruno’s heart clenched in his chest as he heard zekes words. You didn’t want to be found. Damn it he had really messed up, hadn’t he?.

“She..she said that?” He managed to ask his voice full of emotion. “Did she say anything else?”

“She was pretty pissed and she said that she was going to leave and never come back”

Bruno’s mind raced with anxiety as he processed the information. You were angry and planning to leave possibly forever.

“Damnit” he muttered, running a hand through his hair in frustration. “I messed up big time. I can’t lose her man I gotta find her, talk to her, explain…”

“You can’t lose her?”

Bruno nodded, his expression serious, full of determination.

“Yeah, I can’t lose her. She’s..she’s important to me you know?” He confessed his voice laced with an emotion rarely expressed. “I need to find her..make things right and explain myself. I messed up, but if I can find her..maybe I can still fix things”

“You’re in love with her…aren’t you?” Zeke said

Bruno’s heart skipped a beat. Zekes question catching him off guard. He hadn’t expected his feelings to be so obvious.

“Yeah…yeah I am” he admitted, a tinge of vulnerability in his voice. “Damn does it really show that much?”

“Just by the way you are worrying about her..yes”

“Damnit I’m such an idiot, I should’ve protected her and stayed by her side but I was a goddamn coward,” he cursed, hating himself for his actions “now she’s angry and wants nothing to do with me.its all my fault”

“Hey man dont say that, you can still fix things but if you don’t catch up to her you will never get the chance”

Meanwhile You continued through the sewers and just by the to the Serling

“Ugh I will never get used to the sewers” you said

Bruno spotted you in the distance and approached you his heart pounding, this was his chance.

You turned and glared at him “you. You turned around and quickened the pace.

You ran and he called out “(Y/n)!!”

You didn’t stop “there’s nothing to talk about”

Bruno began to panic he couldn’t lose you again. He couldn’t let you walk away like this

“Wait wait dont just walk away damnit” he exclaimed his voices strained with desperation “please just listen to me for a minute”

Sprinting up to the second floor of the hotel you get into the saferoom and give the doc his laptop

“Here you go doc I’m not sticking around I’m not coming back”

Bruno leaned against the wall beside the door listening to each word the guilt eating at him as you yanked the door opening running off.

He followed after you

After a bit you leaned against the wall of the quarantine zone near the tower.

Bruno saw you and his heart dropped..he just wanted to reach out and hold you and comfort you but he knew he didn’t have that right.

“Why does everyone betray me” you sob and bruno felt his stomach drop at your words.

“Why did I let myself get to close, I thought we had something special” you whisper

We did have something special I ruined it bruno thought

After a bit more crying and mumbling you back into him which shocked him because he hadn’t meant for you to back into him he was in his own world.

“BRUNO WHAT THE FUCK!” You yell

“Alright calm down” he said

“Calm down your telling me to calm down”

“Ok sorry”

You stare at him “what do you want?”

“Look (y/n) I was a fool to do that to you..I was scared because of my feelings and the thought of losing you scared me so I ran..” he spoke

“You ran when I needed you the most”

“I know I’m sorry” he mumbled apology after apology

“ bruno..” you say

“You can tell me anything what is it” he said

He was shocked when your lips pressed agasint his and he froze. After the shock wore off he kissed back.

Pulling away he said “I promise I won’t do that again”

#deadisland2xreader #brunodeadisland2 #brunodeadisland2xreader

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