#this might also be a symptom of adhd which i have too but we won’t know for sure for at least a few more years | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

foxgloveinspace · 2 years ago

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wow those are really interesting! The smell one almost reminds me of synesthesia, or a olfactory hallucination. For the first one, like a signal in the brain getting tied to a different signal. a floral smell for them sounds so sweet. they feel comforting to me like floral.

the vessel figure is wild. the fact that you saw a hooded figure with his mouth exposed. I know there's kinda archetypal figures people tend to see in various brain things, like dreams, or drug trips, or I'd expect its the same with migraine auras. A general cloaked figure sounds universal enough, but one with a mouth exposed is so specific.

it's SO interesting that you mention ADHD though because almost every single Sleep Token fan I've talked to is neurodivergent or could plausibly be. Specifically autism or ADHD. Could just be that we all hyperfixate, and that makes us superfans of things we love. But idk it feels special, like we're drawn to it. I have ADHD myself.

another commonality is sleep problems, odly enough. and finding Sleep Token calming and helping one sleep.

For my opinion on witchy stuff, I'm not an expert or anything I know little bits. Like how their logo is a combination of Germanic runes that invoke certain things. There was an old since deleted post by then about it, so it's basically confirmed. Or I heard that the runes corresponding to the Sundowning songs could theoretically be invoked every time the song is played.

also the music just feels magical??

Every person seems to have a different interpretation of the lore and the overarching story, if there is any. Many of them seem to be about love or romance in some way.

My pet headcannon/theory is that Vessel is looking for his soulmate who he knew in a past life. and the runes and any magic is for that purpose.

(First Ask)!!!!!!! Yes!!

Ok I agree with like a lot of your points in this ask, just to say that off the bat, but it’s me so I’m gonna get into it lmao:

So the thing is, I Do Actually have synesthesia, But I Do Not Have Smell/Sound, I have texture/Taste!! So that’s the weird thing about it! It is actually pretty comforting?? I’m trying to figure out what scent it actually, cause it’s just really nice. It might be a perfume that I’ve smelled in the past and started associating it with them (in which cause I think it might be floral marshmallow which is a dupe for some high end perfume). But like I said if it’s ends up being forget-me-nots (which I don’t think so) I’m gonna freak out. But they have a very light scent and I can’t find them anywhere😵‍💫

That’s the weird thing about all of it tho, is that it very well could be all of the things that I have already (migraines, adhd, synesthesia) but it’s like it’s different symptoms that I’ve Never had before??

Like the hooded figure wouldn’t be that big of a deal, but I never see figures!! I only see green and purple flashing splotches, even in my Worst Migraine I’ve Ever had, where I completely Lost My Vision, I only say neon purple and green. So too see, specifically, Hooded Man With Mouth, while listening to The Summoning?? Weird.

And yeah, I have adhd, and honestly?? Yeah. I think it is all of us nero-spicy gals and bois finding a band that itches the static in our brains, lol. They really combine a lot of nerodivergent peoples favorite genres, metal, dark techno/house, lo-fi, piano, rap and sometimes even something that sounds jazzy. It’s legit like they took every music thing I love and shoved it into one, of course my/all of our adhd brains is gonna eat that shit up lmao. It feels really special tho.

Also, yeah I have hella sleeping issues, but I have yet to let myself listen to them while going to sleep (mostly cause I know once I start I won’t be able to go back) BUT!! I have never been a person who can meditate, and I was able to while listening to them!! So that’s a thing lol.

I’m not a big expert on ruins either, but I know most witchcraft is putting your intentions in something. So if he put heavy intentions into the ruins when he first drew them, then yeah it’s doing something. I did vaguely know something about the main logo/ruin, but not much. (I actually don’t know What it’s supposed to invoke?? Just thinking about Sleep/Sleep Token?? Lol) but I think it’s Really Cool that they use real runes sometimes, cause even if they aren’t for magic purposes, just aesthetics, they are still using an old language for something new and I always like stuff like that lmao.

And I love your little headcanon at the end that’s so sweet.

#very much so #sleep token #hi hi!!!#frothingmaw #oops I forgot to tag you in the last ask I’ll go do that in a little while #but yes so much interesting stuff!!#thanks for the ask sorry I got to it late I had a long day yesterday and I just played hollow knight all evening lol.#sorry if anything I said doesn’t make sense and sorry if I’m forgetting anything oop

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abeehiltz1159 · 1 year ago

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Just a note for people writing about ADHD/ADHD characters:

there are people who have ADD, which is only the inattentiveness portion of ADHD. This means they do NOT have hyperactivity. I personally have ADD, and I can say that while I might fidget at times I do not have to constantly be fidgeting and I can sit still.

also, ADHD is different depending on whether you’re male or female (biologically)! I’m honestly not 100% sure what all the differences are, but ADHD (emphasis on hyperactivity) is more common in boys, and it’s harder to diagnose in girls. Most people get diagnosed when you’re about 7, but I didn’t get diagnosed until I was twelve (I’m female). My symptoms weren’t really noticeable until covid, when I was stuck at home and had to try to teach myself the stuff I was supposed to learn through a virtual learning program. My brain Would Not process the information unless I found it interesting, and my parents moved me back into in-person school once we were allowed. (Having an actual teacher who was supportive and actually had ADHD as well was very awesome.)

ADHD is also more than just “oh I can’t focus”—it is a problem, it is a mental illness. Don’t ignore that. In order to do something productive, ADHDers have to find a way to make the task more interesting so we can actually get it done.

Do you have a schedule? Yes? Well too bad. You’re not gonna follow it perfectly. Task #1 will get done in about three hours as opposed to thirty minutes. Task #2 will get done in about four, with about five snack breaks in between. Task #3? That’s gonna take you all afternoon. Task #4? No, you’re going out for dinner this evening, so you can’t do Task #4 until you get back. Tasks #5, #6, #7, and #8? Forget it.

With medication? Anything’s possible . . . until it wears off. But at least you’ll have Tasks #1-#6 done! :D

Here’s a list of common ADHD symptoms:

easily distracted

hyper-talkative

verbally impulsive

daydreaming

problems completing tasks

perfectionism

problems sleeping

(one thing that’s helped me cope with my ADD without meds is music! Have something going on in the background, preferably something you’ve seen/heard before so you don’t concentrate on it so much.)

there’s also hyper focus, which is another ADHD symptom that I feel people overlook a lot. Your brain narrows down into this one specific thing and Does Not let anything else distract it. As far as I’m aware this only happens when you’re SUPER invested in whatever it is you’re watching/doing. Otherwise . . . yeah your brain goes to mush and won’t let you concentrate on anything.

happy writing >:3

#writing #writing tips #adhd #adhd writer

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tssidesfics · 3 years ago

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Requests: Analogince where they’re human and also single dads? And they all meet because their kids fought and got called to the principals office

Virgil's POV

Upsides to being a single father to a child with ADHD: you got to raise a beautiful, special boy with a sharp mind. You got to teach him all the coping mechanisms you'd painstakingly learned over the years to cope with his condition and watch as he lit up over the things that brought him joy. You got to watch as he zipped from topic to topic, brighter than the sun, mind racing at a million miles an hour. You got to be the first person to hear about his beautifully creative ideas. You got to have a reason for living, all yours and wonderful, that you didn't have to share with anyone else.

Downsides to being a single father to a child with ADHD: you had no one else to pass the buck to when he got in trouble at school.

"It'll be fine," I chanted to myself for the billionth time as I turned off the ignition and unbuckled myself, gripping the steering wheel and forcing deep, measured breaths. "It'll be fine. He probably won't get expelled for this. This is his first fight and you don't even know why he got into a fight. You didn't raise a bully, so he was probably defending himself or another kid." Terror clasped me around the throat and squeezed. "But what if you did raise a bully and you didn't realize it, and now you've sentenced your son to a life of crime trying to make up for the hole in his heart where his father should have loved him oh God I broke my son!"

Immediately, my therapist's voice spoke up in my mind. You're catastrophizing again, he said in that obnoxiously aware, gentle way of his. Calm down. Take it one step at a time.

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, focusing on the feeling of my stomach and then my chest expanding with air. I let it out through pursed lips, a quiet whistle in the exhale.

I'd played through scenarios like this a million times in my mind. The second Cassie told me, five months pregnant with tears streaming down her cheeks, that she didn't want the baby, I'd prepared myself for any possibility. I'd created contingency plans and contingency plans for my contingency plans, because I knew how much harsher the world would be on him. With a grandparent, his biological mother, and me all with ADHD, there hadn't been any doubt Drew would get it, too, and I'd prepared for that. I'd prepared for the possibility that poor grades and emotional dysregulation would put him on the back foot and even get him expelled. I'd taught him all the coping mechanisms I could. I'd tried to show him as much love and patience as I could muster, and I'd show him the same now. We'd get through this. We would make it through this.

I nodded, resolute, even as doubt and worry niggled at the back of my mind. I'd raised Drew alone, without any support from my parents or Cassie, working a call center job that barely paid enough to live off of. I'd demanded a child psychiatrist the second Drew started displaying symptoms and beat the system for the help he deserved. I'd beat the system for the help I deserved. I was a badass. I was a badass.

I got out of the car.

The two people at the front desk--a woman with strawberry blonde hair and a baby-faced guy--looked over, presumably torn from their conversation, when I walked through the door. The woman swiveled her chair to face me with a friendly smile. "Hello there," she said. "How may I help you?"

I forced myself to look her in the eyes and strained through a smile. If you act like a weirdo, it'll just make things worse for Drew. "Hey," I said. "I'm, uh...Drew Griffith's father. You called me and--"

"Oh!" She gestured to the side, at a door that read: PRINCIPAL MOROZOV. "He's in there."

I looked over and gulped, staring in fear at the door. "Say, uh..." I smiled at the woman as politely as I could. "You wouldn't happen to know the correct social etiquette for talking to the principal after your son gets into a fight at school, would you?"

She gave me a funny look. "Huh?"

"Never mind." I hung my head in defeat and commenced the walk of dread to the front door of the office. The wall facing me was all glass, which meant I could see inside. Two adults, one natural-haired in a polo shirt with his arm around one of the kids in the chair beside him and the other behind a desk, looking stern. I couldn't see the other two kids or any other adults.

And then Principal Morozov spotted me through the glass and shit, I was out of time.

I took a deep breath and opened the door. "Sorry it took me so long," I said, hoping that was the right thing to say. "It was hard getting off work."

"It's all right," Principal Morozov said. "We haven't even reached Mr. Accardo yet."

"Hey, Dad," came the halfhearted voice of Drew, hidden behind a chair too big for him, especially when he slumped in it like that.

I peered over the top and smiled at him softly. "What the heck, kid?" I asked.

"He called Patton a freak." Drew pointed at the kid in the middle, with a busted nose and--oh God.

He had scattered burn marks across the right side of his face, with two differently-colored eyes and a scowl.

"So of course you had to beat me up," the kid sneers. "Because that's a perfectly rational, healthy thing to do."

The third kid--Patton, I presumed--bounced in his seat, humming in distress. His father, a man wearing glasses and a polo shirt with a tie, rubbed his back.

"I don't see why my son has to be here," the other father said, looking at Principal Morozov. "He didn't do anything."

“Patton sits alone at lunch time and doesn’t have any friends,” the principal said. “We think if he tried to get along with his peers better, he’d have a happier time here.”

“Or, you know, you could make an effort to teach your students not to bully kids who are different from them,” I grumbled.

“What was that, Mr. Griffiths?”

I hesitated, glancing up at Principal Morozov, then back at Drew. On one hand, I wanted to lead by example: teach Drew that it was okay to stand up to authority for what he believed. On the other, sometimes, you had to pay lip-service to authority just to stay out of trouble. It was a lesson no child had the mental capacities to understand, but I supposed I’d have to do my best to teach him, because if I gave Principal Morozov cheek, he might expel Drew.

“Nothing, sir,” I said, feeling like a child cowering beneath the glare of my teachers again. I prepared to search for the bullshit in the story I was about to get fed and asked, “What happens now?”

"I'd prefer to wait for Mr. Accardo," the principal said.

"Roman teaches at a high school," the bully grumbled, slouched over with a glare fixated on the desk. "He's probably in the middle of class."

"Then you're going to have to stay after school to address this," Principal Morozov told him sternly.

"Whatever."

I had a very bad feeling about that kid. The scars on his face told a frightening story. He could just as easily be bullied for those as Drew got bullied for his ADHD and Patton for being a loner, which probably meant he turned that abuse outward and attacked others for their perceived differences in a never-ending cycle of abuse.

What? I could be bad at people and have a special interest in human psychology. Those two things were not mutually exclusive.

Suddenly, the door banged open. I jumped out of my skin, clamping a hand over my chest and struggling to breathe levelly, eyes crushed shut and body frozen. Then I heard the babbling.

"I'm sorry!" The principal's door opened. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. The kids were in the middle of rehearsal and--Janus, what happened? I'm so sorry, Mr. Morozov." A frazzled man with warm skin rushed inside and sat down next to the bully--Janus--hastily hugging him and turning his attention to the principal.

I frowned at the scene. I withheld judgment and looked at Principal Morozov as he said, "All right. Now that you're all here, there are going to be some serious consequences to what happened today."

********

"I can't believe you let him give me detention!" Drew whined. "Janus deserved to get punched!"

"And you deserve to die abandoned and unloved in a ditch, steeping in your own feces," Janus snapped.

"Janus," his father, Roman, said firmly, kneeling down and taking him by the shoulders. Janus tried to turn away from him, but Roman lightly shook him and made him meet his eyes. He softened. "I know how much you're hurting, but a hero never redirects his pain onto others. There are other ways."

"What if I don't want to be a hero?" Janus snapped. "What if I want to be the bad guy?"

"I don't believe that," Roman said gently, adjusting his bangs. "I don't think you do, either."

Janus turned from him sharply, crossing his arms and glaring at the asphalt. He sniffled.

Drew glanced up at me in confusion and I rubbed his back. "Sometimes," I said gently, "when people are hurting, they deal with that by hurting other people."

"That's stupid," Drew said with the blunt confidence of a ten-year-old.

"Maybe a little," I agreed, "but humans aren't always logical." Drew wrinkled his nose. "I know. It's so annoying, but it's true. You're not always logical, either. Remember when you burst out crying because your pencil broke?"

"Dad!" Drew turned bright red.

Roman chuckled. "So." He stood up and crossed his arms. "You're the little rascal who dared challenge Janus to a duel for--Patton, right?" He looked at Mr. Davis--or Logan, as he'd introduced himself--who nodded. "You're the rascal who challenged Janus to a duel for Patton's honor," Roman finished.

"He was being an asshole," Drew protested.

"I'd say it's not my fault he uses that language," I said through a wince, "but it's definitely my fault he uses that language."

"I'm the same way with Janus, don't worry." Roman chuckled--a low, rumbly sound. He turned back to Drew. "You're got a paladin's heart and a temper. I was a lot like you when I was a kid."

Drew snorted. "You think you're cute, don't you?"

"He's always like this," Janus said, shoving in front of Roman. "He thinks it's so inspiring to talk about heroes all the time, like fairy tales are the best thing ever."

"That's gotta be annoying," Drew said, wrinkling his nose.

"It is." Janus stopped and scowled. "Don't relate to me!"

"Ew! You're a jerk! Get away from me!"

I exchanged a fond, exasperated look with Roman, who chuckled and squeezed Janus' shoulder. "Hey," he said, "maybe, if you apologized, you could have a friend."

"I don't want to apologize."

"So you'd rather another kid think you're a horrible person!"

Janus hesitated a moment before straightened his back. "Yes."

"I don't believe that."

I glanced over at Logan and saw that he was busy talking to Patton, kneeling on the ground and smoothing his hands over his shoulders in measured strokes. It seemed to soothe Patton. I looked at Drew.

"You know how it sometimes hurts you when you think about your Aunt Cassie?" I said softly, pulling him into my side as the shadow washed over his face.

"He called Patton a freak, Dad," Drew argued. "He's not even really my friend, but he's not a freak. He's just...different. Like me."

"I know, kiddo," I said, squeezing him against my side. "You don't have to give him a chance. He hasn't asked forgiveness, and you wouldn't owe him one even if you did. I just know you don't like to see people struggling alone."

Drew hesitated.

I looked over at Logan. "How's Patton?"

Logan glanced back at me, then looked at Patton. "Do you want to answer?"

Patton hesitated.

"It's okay," I said, not looking at his face. Patton hadn't made eye contact with a single person, including his father, since I'd met him. He clearly had more trouble with it than I did, and I wasn't always a huge fan. "I'm autistic, too."

Patton immediately perked up. "Really?"

"Yeah." I smiled, looking over the top of his head. I looked at Drew. "Can I tell him about you?"

"I'm ADHD," Drew told him, turning to him. "I got diagnosed last year."

"Oh cool!" Patton flapped his hands at his sides and bounced eagerly. "I don't, I don't think, because I'm actually pretty good at focusing most of the time and I have a really good memory, but Dad says autism and ADHD are really close together. It's really nice to meet someone else! I don't have many friends."

"Well, I guess you have me," Drew said. "I didn't get in trouble defending you for nothing."

Patton squealed and continued stimming enthusiastically. Drew offered a hug, which Patton considered for a long moment before accepting.

Logan smiled softly at the exchange and looked over to me. "You've raised a very kind son."

"More than half of it is all him," I said. "I do the best I can, but...I'm just one person. He's probably gonna hate me once he's a teenager."

"Nuh-uh!" Drew objected, charging over to embrace me around the middle. I smiled and hugged him close, squeezing him as tight as was safe. He grunted.

I caught Janus staring at us. I couldn't read his expression. He was glaring, but I had a feeling it wasn't anger. But clearly, Roman did understand it, because he knelt down and hugged him close, even when he tried to push him away. He just held fast. I thought for sure Janus would react badly--he hadn't wanted to be held, what was wrong with Roman?--but then he slowly relaxed and leaned against him. I still couldn't read him very well, but that...didn't look particularly resigned.

"You know," Roman said, pulling back after a long while, "I bet Drew and Patton would be willing to forgive you if you really, really earnestly apologized."

Janus shoved away from him, crossing his arms and glaring at the ground. "I don't want to apologize."

Roman sighed heavily, and Drew whirled on him. "You're such a freaking jerk!" he screamed. "What's wrong with you? Why do you have to be a jerk to everyone? I tried to be your friend and you just spit on me!"

"I don't want your pity!"

"It wasn't pity!"

"It's always pity!" Janus screeched. "You think I don't know what these scars make me? You think I don't know I'm a freak? If the fire didn't teach me that, then my parents sure did! I'm nothing! The only reason anyone would be nice to me is pity and I don't want anyone's pity! I just want to be left alone!"

Janus turned and ran. Roman chased after him frantically, never sparing Logan or I a glance.

Drew and Patton stood stunned. Drew looked at Patton, who stared at his forehead. "Well..." he said. "What the heck am I supposed to do now?"

Patton ran in the direction of Janus.

At that point, about the only thing for Drew and I to do was chase after his new friend, hot on the heels of his father.

We found Patton with his backpack unzipped, standing beside Janus' car door, already buckled in with Roman partway into the driver's seat, holding out a picture of a flower.

"It's ivy," Patton said. "It means friendship."

Janus stared at him through the window, unmoving. Patton, to my shock, held his gaze for one, two moments and then averted his eyes. Logan hurried over to hold him, clearly expecting Janus to reject him again.

Janus opened the car door. "Why would you want to be my friend?"

"He didn't say he wanted to be your friend," Drew sneered. "He just said it meant friendship, dummy."

"Drew," I chided softly, and he recoiled into my side.

"Because it's nice to know I'm not the only one who can't make any friends," Patton said. "I like having other friends who are special."

"I'm not special," Janus snapped.

"Dad says that being different is always special, because different people have discovered some of the coolest, prettiest things ever."

"It's true," Logan said. "Albert Einstein, Hans Christian Anderson, and Michelangelo. were all autistic."

"See?" Patton bounced and beamed at Janus. "So maybe we can all be different and special together and do really cool things one day! Like the three Musketeers."

Janus considered strongly. "I'm Athos."

"You can be whoever you want to be!" Patton said earnestly. "Then we can all have lots of musketcheer."

Drew, Roman and I choked on a laugh. Logan shook his head fondly. "He watches one sitcom that likes puns and he suddenly won't stop," he said.

Even Janus cracked a small smile. He accepted the paper. "Fine," he said. "We can have musketcheer."

Drew pouted. "Does this mean I'm your friend now?"

"Yes," Patton said firmly, looking at him.

Drew jumped, looking fearfully at Patton, who somehow managed to look intimidating while also avoiding eye contact. He looked up at me. "What have I done?" he asked.

"Made friends." I rubbed his back. I looked around. "We should probably get all these guys home. They've had a long day, and school will be letting out soon."

"I guess now that all our kids are friends, I'll be seeing more of you," Roman said to both Logan and me.

Logan hummed. "I presume so. Patton does not own a phone of his own. I can give you my number if your children wish to contact him?"

"I hate to say it, but you should probably get him his own phone," I said. "It's dangerous not to have one. If I ever lost sight of Drew...I'd rather he have a phone."

Logan considered this. "I suppose you have a point. Nevertheless, for the moment, you'll have to go through me to reach Patton."

"Don't have to ask me twice. Here." Roman accepted Logan's phone and typed in Janus' number, then passing it to Drew, who stared at it for a moment.

I recited his number to him and he punched it in. "Don't worry, kid," I said. "One day, you're going to have to tell so many doctors your number that it's going to be emblazoned on your brain."

After all numbers had been exchanged, I shook Logan's and Roman's hands goodbye and let Patton and Drew embrace again. Janus stayed stubbornly in his seat, refusing any sort of affection, which kind of concerned me, but then Roman whispered, "This is the most receptive he's been since I started fostering him."

I nodded and smiled, leading Drew back toward the car. He looked at me. "I guess I have friends now."

I glanced back toward Roman's car as it drove away and caught Logan's eye as he loaded into his own. He smiled at me.

"Yeah," I said. "I think I might have, too."

#sanders sides human au #analogince #ts virgil #ts roman #ts logan #ts sides #sanders sides #ts patton #ts janus #adhd virgil #autistic logan #trans virgil #autistic virgil #kid patton #kid janus #kid oc #virgil being trans has nothing to do with the fic #it is just important to me that you know there is no such thing as a cis virgil when i'm writing him in a human AU #this mostly turned into janus angst hour #he's very young and very little and needs much therapy #i tried to write the actual chat with the principal and it did not work well #so the principal is a caricature on which i'm projecting all of my neurodiverse school troubles with authority figures onto #i did not have a fun time in school #yes most of these characters are neurodiverse #i'm not PROJECTING or anything #why ever would you think something silly like that #one ask down #many more to go #caffeine save my soul

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distinguished-slacker · 3 years ago

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Hey do you think Yuu ‘IS’ and idiot? Cause a lot of people are saying he’s just traumatised and this and that. And I personally assume it’s an excuse to think that he’s not!? Cause generally speaking main protagonists are supposed to be clever and developed Yuu imo is still the same?

Hi!

This sounds quite similar to a topic of discussion that happened in the OnS subreddit some days ago😅

Answering your question, well, we cannot 100% know whether Yuu is an idiot or not unless we are Kagami himself. We can believe something, we might have evidence for it but in the end Kagami can go and defy our expectations so even my opinion can turn to be wrong eventually.

To be honest, I slightly agree more with those who say Yuu is traumatised. I mean, we have seen some instances where Yuu has been unexpectedly clever. For example, he easily memorised the names and surnames of the members of Narumi squad, when Crowley attacked Mitsuba, Yuu knew that Crowley was actually after him and analysed the situation from a distance, and also he immediately solved Ferid’s candle riddle like nothing in the Osaka mansion. It’s possible that Yuu has high intellectual abilities but he just didn’t have the right education (remember he doesn’t even know how to write because he lived as vampire livestock for four years) so he has less knowledge than other people his age plus when he finally got into school the boy just didn’t pay attention to the lessons.

Naturally, there is more to intelligence than knowledge; we also have ‘common sense’, which Yuu, in a lot of cases, has demonstrated to lack. I believe Yuu’s judgement is heavily clouded by his emotions; he hears what he wants to hear and he believes what he wants to believe…everything for the sake of keeping that little idyllic bubble he calls “family”. He won’t accept something that goes against it. Thus, he will gladly believe that all the times Guren has tried to hurt/use him he was actually possessed by the demon, he believes that Shinoa squad are also Mika’s family too, he believes that Guren is Mika’s family too, etc. Yuu has a very low self-esteem; he feels that if he is unneeded then his life has no value so that’s why he wants to keep everyone in his family without losing anyone. Remember that time when he started acting surprisingly mature in Nagoya arc? That was because he discovered Mika was alive. A positive emotional wellbeing lead to this. But when all that mess with Guren’s betrayal started? The opposite happened.

I read someone saying Yuu has ADHD. I’m not an expert at Pyschology but Yuu’s character displays many of the symptoms I find for ADHD such as hyperactivity, impulsiveness, being unable to stick to tasks that seem tedious (like schoolwork), hot temper, excessive talking and many other related conditions such as depression. Moreover, Yuu is technically the product of a cloning experiment designed with the goal of becoming a sacrifice, and has been killed over and over. You cannot really expect to compare his cognitive processes to that of standard person. Plus, in this life as this Yuu he has been experimented a lot as a child, including having had his memories erased over and over. Who knows how much that messed with his brain and what kind of side effects it had on the parts that control intelligence and regulate emotion. Considering that his experimentation has been resumed at 16, I wouldn’t be surprised if his personality is regressing to that of the OG Yuu clones that irked Noya so much.

Of course, I still believe that the analysis of the fans supporting the idea that Yuu is not stupid is still embellishment of the reality that Kagami wasn’t able to properly deliver the idea that Yuu is traumatised into the plot. We could have had someone who realises that there is something wrong with Yuu but Shinoa squad is oblivious to this and while Mika has been recently revealed that he actually knew how fragile Yuu is, he is too kind with him. We don’t have anyone that gives off the vibes “Yuu, this has to stop. We have to talk about you.”. We could also have had information on what those experiments do to his brain but maybe chapter 108 will dig into that(???

Furthermore, even if Kagami were to pull the ‘Yuu is actually smart’ plot twist card, I think it’s already too late. Yuu had the chance to shape up when Mika died. I don’t see anything more impactful on Yuu than Mika’s death. The only option available is if the entire Shinoa squad dies on exchange for reviving Akane and the rest as Mika foreshadowed in chapter 52. It’s equally possible and not possible; possible because Kagami loves making parallels between Cat16 and Vampire Reign (Guren squad death) and not possible because unlike Guren squad members, Shinoa, Yoichi and Kimizuki are not normal people and so too important to die.

Additionally, Yuu has been acting sus and creepy sometimes, especially recently with the case of Mika, and I know by experience as an OnS fan that the eccentric ones are the ones who hide something😅

Finally, being brutally honest, even if Kagami did well on explaining Yuu’s mental and intellectual degradation, I still wouldn’t have come to accept him as the main character. Yuu’s character would work for a secondary character but not for a protagonist. For a protagonist I need, as you said, someone clever and development in a positive direction (or negative if we talk about an intelligent anti-hero like Light or Lelouch). A protagonist needs charisma👌✨

I hope that answers your question🤧

#Wow this turned out really long #I didn’t realise I had so much to say about Yuu #Cuz I barely give any attention to his character #Anyways…#owari no seraph #seraph of the end #yuuichirou hyakuya #yūichirō hyakuya #ons asks

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tfw-adhd · 4 years ago

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Hey, Just wanted to ask you or any of your mutuals, is it possible to almost or completely recover from adhd? Also, if anyone is on meds for the same and is getting better, do they develop hypersensitivity (which they did not have before)to stimulants like caffeine, or certain painkillers, or anti fever meds?

No, you can’t “recover” from ADHD. That’s because ADHD isn’t an illness - it’s not something that develops. We are born with it, and it’s simply a different way of thinking.

Medication can help lessen the symptoms while we’re on it, but only while we’re on it. There won’t be a point where... you’ve taken enough medication and can come off it and feel Neurotypical. ( Though some people might decide to stop taking medication because they’ve developed coping mechanisms and can do okay without the meds now. )

And I’ll leave the other question open to my followers! I know that some people have said they can’t drink caffeine anymore after starting meds, because it makes them feel sick. ( Presumably, because their medications are stimulants, so adding caffeine - another stimulant - is a bit too much for them to handle. )

#adhd #adhd medication #miniaturecreature18

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anthropologist-on-the-loose · 3 years ago

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I'm sorry if this seems intrusive but have you every considered getting medicated for your ADHD? I have it too, and if you're having so many issues you should do something about it. I know it seems like a personal attack when people compliment your efforts in one area and then tell you you aren't good enough in others, but that's not an issue of them not accommodating you enough that's an issue of your ADHD being completely unmanaged (taking things too personally is also a symptom of ADHD, fyi).

Anon, your concern is appreciated, but how do you know that I’m not on medication? I’m sure you only sent this in an attempt to be helpful, but if someone says they have issues that they know are caused by ADHD, why would you assume that they haven’t tried to do something to make their lives easier?

I was diagnosed with ADHD years and years ago. I have spent well over half of my life trying to find ways to cope with it. In fact I have far fewer issues than I used to because of all the work I've put in on managing my symptoms.

There’s a reason we call it managing symptoms and not curing them. It does not matter how good I am at managing ADHD, there will always be off days where some of the tips and tricks and workarounds just won’t be enough.

Not that it’s anyone’s business, but I do take ADHD medication. Yeah, it’s incredibly helpful, but it doesn’t magically make me neurotypical.* Medication will not change how our society is structured, nor how hostile it is to people outside the "norm".

The point of that post wasn’t me saying that people are mean or that I can’t take criticism. The point was that no matter how hard I try, my inability to function in an acceptable way can have very real consequences.

I mentioned failing classes. I live in the USA, where having to take additional semesters can cost thousands of dollars. And I failed these classes not because I didn’t understand them - instructor after instructor has told me that I was one of the best students in class - but because I turned things in late. If everyone else perceived time in the same skewed way that I do, I would not have been fired from as many jobs as I have, or had my housing at risk because I lost track of which day of the month it was.

I’m not taking things personally, I’m upset at how much I try and I struggle, and yet because my struggles are invisible to most people, our society will still look at me and say “but maybe you haven’t tried hard enough.” My school will still say, “well regardless of her actual skills and knowledge, she didn’t complete an assignment on time so objectively we have to say that she failed and didn’t understand the material.”

There are so very very many ways our society punishes people who don’t meet its standards of perfection, and the worst part is that lots of people assume it’s intrinsically correct. As if there’s some immutable Law of the Universe that says “sorry, but 3 late stamps on your time card lowers your value as a capitalist asset human person. Maybe you should have tried harder.”

*not to mention the vast number of reasons people might not be able to take ADHD meds, like price, legality, other health issues...

#adhd #in which i say things #this got long #but i have a lot of feelings #ask #anon #i'm sure anon wasn't trying to be rude but saying that i haven't done anything to manage my adhd set me off

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slightlyrebelliouswriter23 · 4 years ago

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hey so i'm hoping to get some writing advice about creative burnout? like i seem to write in fits and spurts. some months i can churn out a oneshot or chapter everyday and some months i can do one (1) creative thing only. so i'm wondering how to prevent creative burnout and how to just create more smoothly <3 thank you!

Creative Burnout & How To Ward Against It

First, I’d like to preface this all by saying you’re definitely not alone. You probably already know this, but sometimes it’s nice to be reminded.

I know from personal experience that creative burnout can leave you feeling hopeless, detached from yourself—the kind of identity crisis no one needs in 2020.

So buckle in, folks. It’s a dosy.

I. The Symptoms

Not to be the local WebMD page here, but signs of burnout can include:

Procrastination (more than usual)

Dreading writing and feeling stuck or overly perfectionistic when you try

Physical tiredness and/or irritability

Feeling like everything is monotonous

It’s more than just writer’s block. It’s a physical and emotional exhaustion response to something that goes deeper than a simple lack of inspiration. In my experience, and from a bit of research, I’ve found that what your brain is really looking for is dopamine.

Dopamine is essentially your brain’s chemical reward system for doing something interesting or exciting to you. As someone who is diagnosed with ADHD, I have chronically low levels of dopamine, so this is a constant struggle for me—but it is absolutely made worse by creative burnout.

II. The Problem

Studies have shown that the more we do A Thing the less that thing will give us dopamine (unless a component of the activity changes regularly). This is because eventually our brains desensitise to the stimuli provided by the activity, and subsequently, we become disengaged.

But it’s not necessarily The Thing (i.e. writing) that becomes boring. Actually, more than a few factors could be at play here, and the first step to finding a solution is to identify the problem.

1. ENVIRONMENT LACKS EXCITEMENT/CHANGE—

Sometimes, the monotony of everyday life can feed creative burnout. This becomes especially applicable in quarantine when you’re not leaving your house.

What we don’t realise is that even something as small as the variables of driving to and from work, or interacting with passing coworkers, gives us dopamine. So if you have the same routine every day that does not involve any added variables, your brain will begin staunching that dopamine supply.

2. EITHER TOO EASY OR TOO CHALLENGING—

In 1975, Hungarian-American psychologist, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, coined the term “flow”, which refers to a heightened state of creativity and concentration on an activity. Csikszentmihalyi posited that if your skill level is equal to the level of challenge in any given activity, you will experience this state of flow.

The chart below is taken from Csikszentmihalyi’s own study on the subject of flow and motivation. It examines “your skill level” on the x axis in relation to the “challenge level” on the y axis.

Essentially:

Too much challenge + not enough skill = anxiety, worry (which might lead to procrastination and perfectionism)

Too much skill + not enough challenge = boredom, apathy (which might lead to monotony, irritability, and other depression-like symptoms)

Skill level = Challenge level = Flow

3. NOT ENOUGH “ACTIVE” STIMULATION—

When it comes to dopamine seeking, there is a distinct difference between active and passive stimulation in the brain.

Active stimulation is any form of activity that you have to actively engage in. For instance; exercising, doing a crossword puzzle, or reading a book. These kinds of activities not only give you dopamine, they also facilitate critical thinking and problem solving thought processes, which act as catalysts for creativity.

Passive stimulation, on the other hand, comes in the form of television, social media, and YouTube. It’s anything you can consume without having to actively engage. Passive stimulation will indeed give your brain dopamine, however, it won’t activate your creativity.

The problem also lies in the speed at which you receive the dopamine from passive activities. Passive stimulation is so easy to access that the more you consume, the harder it becomes to pick up active stimulation. Your brain expects a hit of dopamine just by picking up a phone or turning on the TV—it becomes addicted to the quick fix of a Netflix binge.

III. The Solutions

Based on the problems mentioned above, I am going to list a few solutions. Keeping in mind that not every solution will work for everyone, these can act as both preventative measures and remedies for someone who is currently burned out.

1. CHANGE UP YOUR ENVIRONMENT/ROUTINE—

Aim to do at least one thing per day that will add “variables” to the monotony. This can be as simple as going on a long walk, dressing up in that bold outfit you always wanted to wear to the office but never did, or sitting at a different workspace in your home.

Anything you can do that’s simple, but might provide an extra variable to your day to spice things up. Note: this shouldn’t be the same thing every day.

2. CHALLENGE YOURSELF MORE—

If you find yourself bored by your work, try challenging yourself more. This could mean setting goals for yourself that go a bit beyond what you’ve been doing.

For example, if you’ve been writing 500 words per day, see if you can beat your own word count every day for the next week. If you’ve been writing mainly fluff pieces, switch it up and do an angst piece. See if you can write a book in a month, or start a blog where you don’t write fiction at all!

Anything you can do to add a little kick to your workload. Note: Beware of challenging yourself too much! This can lead straight back into burnout.

3. CHALLENGE YOURSELF LESS—

If you’re on the flip side of that coin, and find that you are anxious, procrastinating, and perfectionistic when it comes to writing, fret not. Just because you’re experiencing any of these things, doesn’t mean you’re incapable of doing the job with your skillset.

It just means your perception of the job needs to be shifted.

Procrastination, at its heart, is a fear of failure, which results in actively avoiding the negative emotions associated with the task that causes this fear. Perfectionism is a type of procrastination that is a combination of a fear of failure and a fear of success (or, more accurately, other’s critiques of your success) all at once.

Neither have anything to do with your actual skillset, but they have everything to do with your perception of your skillset. Obviously, this is a harder thing to fix, as it has to do with deeply ingrained levels of self-esteem.

What I can offer you is a tactic to trick your mind into thinking you’re capable.

If you have a task, big or small, and you are feeling overwhelmed by it (like you might go curl up in bed and scroll Tumblr), immediately break that task up into smaller tasks. Keep breaking up the smaller tasks until you have the smallest possible part of the bigger task without doing nothing.

Then do that smallest possible thing.

If your goal is to write a 2000 word one shot, a small part of that task is writing half of it. An even smaller part of that task is breaking the one shot up into “scenes” and writing one scene. For instance:

Jude wakes up to a sore throat, a runny nose, and a fever.

She tries to go to work, but Cardan, being the mother hen that he is, threatens to never make her another grilled cheese sandwich (her favourite food) ever again if she doesn’t stay home.

Jude agrees begrudgingly, and Cardan sits her down in front of the TV with a bottle of Gatorade. He leaves to go get medicine from the store.

When Cardan comes back, Jude is worse than before. He makes her soup and saltine crackers and spoon feeds her.

She complains the whole time and, in her feverish state, threatens to never buy him another bottle of wine (his favourite food) ever again if he doesn’t let her feed herself.

Each bullet point represents one “scene” of about 200-400 words each. Obviously, there will be more details that you work out as you write. But with these five smaller scenes, your goal is no longer writing the 2000 word one shot. Your goal is writing the first of the five scenes.

If you complete the smallest possible task, you can stop, and you’ll still feel like you’ve accomplished something because you can cross off that task from your list. But chances are, by the time you cross off one task, you may have inspiration enough to keep going.

4. ENGAGE IN ACTIVE STIMULATION—

Since active stimulation has been proven to turn on the creative “tap”, try incorporating more of these activities into your daily routine:

Exercise: As the resident couch potato, I hate to say that exercising is good for creativity, but it is. Even if it’s just going on a short walk, so long as you’re moving.

Reading: Sometimes you have plenty of ideas, but no words to fit those ideas. Fill your well of words by carving out an hour or two each day for reading a good book.

The Creative Process: In the writing world, the creative process is a process of about 20-30 minutes that the writer partakes in every day before they start writing. This process should be creative, but also have nothing to do with writing. You can try colouring in a colouring book, painting, organising a page in your bullet journal. Anything that is creative but does not make you think about everything you have to do that day. Think of it as creative meditation.

Listen to music: Having APD, I personally can’t listen to music while I write. However, studies have shown that if you listen to at least ten songs per day, it will significantly benefit your dopamine levels and overall mood. If you’re like me and prefer to work in silence, maybe stick on a couple songs during your creative process. If you can manage music and writing together, get out those headphones!

5. KEEP A REGULAR SCHEDULE—

I know this is the most cliche point in the book, but it’s valid. This doesn’t mean do the same thing at the same time every day over and over, because ultimately we’re looking to avoid monotony.

But having pillars of structure to bolster the excitement can definitely work to keep you from slipping into burnout. Going to sleep, waking up, and having your meals at relatively the same time every day are good examples of this.

Feel free to change up the things you do between breakfast and lunch, but make sure you have those pillars of consistency so your brain knows that a break is on the horizon and doesn’t get tired.

6. PACE YOURSELF—

This is particularly difficult for those of us who are coming out of a creative burnout, but I urge you to pay special attention to this one. If we are suddenly hit by inspiration and the writing is flowing and flowing and flowing, eventually we will hit the point of highest dopamine capacity for writing.

Not putting a check on the flood of inspiration coming out of a creative burnout, I’d argue, is actually a guarantee that many of us will experience burnout all over again. It becomes this vicious cycle in which we are trapped.

While it feels great to write non-stop and receive immediate validation for that work, try to limit yourself to how much you’re writing and how immediately you post your writing (if you plan on posting it).

Whenever I finish a one shot or a chapter of something, I like to allow at least one day for editing before I post. This timeframe is important, because it acts as a buffer of rest between writing marathons.

You can take however long you need for the editing process, but definitely make sure you have a set amount of time in place. Otherwise, your brain might not have enough time to come down from what is essentially a writing high, and you will always need to reach greater heights in order to achieve that same level of dopamine.

~~~~

Overall, the most important things to take away from all of this are:

Change up your environment

Keep your brain actively stimulated

Have pillars of structure between which you can run about chaotically to your heart’s content

PACE YOURSELF!

Hope this helped. Happy writing!

-Em 🖤🗡

Writing Tip Masterlist

Fic Masterlist

Celebrate 2K with me!

#this one was a spiritual one y'all #thanks for the ask babes!#writing #writing tips #writing advice #writeblr #writing tip masterlist #writer #writer's desk #writer's life #writer's problems #writer's block #ao3 #fanfiction #creative burnout #asked and answered #em answers #danaanruhn #thank you for 2k!! 🥳💜

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purplespaceace · 4 years ago

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there are a lot of things to address when it comes to writing depression. the two things that I think bother me the most is the romanticisation of depression and the fact that I have yet to come across any girl characters with depression (I listened to dear evan hansen and went, “there are two people with depression/suicidal tendencies. logically, one of them should be a woman” but both of them are boys). so, how do you write depression?

first, you have to accept that it’s not going to be pretty. depression sucks. your character won’t want to shower, brush their teeth or their hair, put on deodorant, or do any other hygienic things you can think of. your character will be smelly, their room will be dirty, they won’t care enough to eat, they’ll have bags under their eyes from lack of sleep. again, depression isn’t pretty.

to be honest, I don’t really have a good way to organize this post, so it will mostly just be a list of symptom and tips, as well as a few things to avoid.

symptom time! people with depression will:

not clean themselves, whether that means brushing their teeth, taking a shower, or something else

not take care of themselves. they won’t eat a lot, which might make them unhealthily skinny, although sometimes we eat a ton out of boredom, or I’m just so tired I need some snack food. we either sleep too much or too little. we won’t change our clothes. we dont drink a ton of water.

we have something in common with people with adhd: executive dysfunction! (aka the suckiest thing) executive dysfunction means we will want to do something or know we should do something, but won’t be able to for hours. this leads to people calling us lazy, which leads to our next thing.

we have horrible self-esteem. your character does not think that they are worth much, if anything. they start every sentence with “I might be wrong” because they have been wrong, a lot, and they believe by default that they are more likely to be wrong than right. this can also lead to or is the result of anxiety, whether high-functioning or not.

we aren’t just sad all the time. for one thing, you might not notice because we’re used to keeping a happy face. for another, sometimes we’re just stuck with incredible apathy. and we can be happy sometimes.

we also shouldn’t cry constantly. in the earlier stages of depression—the first, I dunno, month maybe, people can cry themselves to sleep every so often, but after that you get so used to it and so out of tears and ability to care you just don’t cry randomly anymore.

also, we’re tired aaaall the time. I’m exhausted from being in pain and convincing myself I have a right to exist constantly.

we've lost interest in the things we like. it takes a lot of effort for me to care about things when I’m having an episode.

sometimes I just wake up with a bad, “nothing is worth the pain” feeling in my stomach, which sucks.

some days will be worse then others. sometimes, your character can seem like they don’t even have depression. the next day, they can be a mess.

we can find it hard to pay attention because we just don’t care.

we have bad memories. I don’t remember why. but we won’t remember things that happened in a depressive episode very well.

we can spend whole days sitting on the couch watching television.

doing things should be a struggle! getting out of bed! making breakfast! doing things is difficult!

we think about death a lot. not just suicide.

some miscellaneous tips:

think about how your character‘s mindset is impacted by their depression. I check in on my friends, work to make my days meaningful, and try to make sure people feel safe to be themselves around me. someone else I know values life less because of her depression. what does your character learn? how does it impact them?

make sure their depression is visible. don't mention it once and then have it disappear.

what not to do:

don’t make your character‘s love interest or big epiphany cure their depression.

don‘t make your character’s friends or family complain about their depression or see it as a nuisance unless it’s there for a purpose.

end the ‘suffering artist’ trope. please.

personally, as someone with depression, I don’t want any more stories where we successfully commit suicide or we‘re right about ourselves being bad human beings. I love dear evan Hansen, but the fact that connor’s depression was right about him was something that made me question whether my depression was right about me. the kinds of stories about depression I want to see should be hopeful ones, that reinforce the idea that whatever your depression is trying to convince you of isn’t true. in the story I’m writing currently, my character, katie, tries to commit suicide, but her best friend saves her by convincing her that herself and love are worth fighting for.

self-harm scars aren’t cool or gritty or emo. they shouldn’t be looked upon with awe, but pity.

depressed characters should want to go to therapy. no one wants to be in pain all the time.

that said, we might have second thoughts about therapy because we don’t think we deserve it. we believe we should be in pain. however, we do not believe that therapy is useless or we don’t need it.

if you have any questions or see anything I’ve missed, let me know!

this post is randomly italicized/bolded for people with adhd.

#depression #mental illness #writing mental illness #writing depression #writing tips #writing resources #list #writing help

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the-ghost-king · 4 years ago

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Schizophrenic Nico, here's why I think it's possible:

I want to start off by saying these are just my thoughts, there is no one way to be schizophrenic or to have schizophrenia. It's also important to note that many of the schizophrenic symptoms overlap with other mental illnesses/nuerodivergences like ADHD, Autism, Depression, and OCD which I know many people who head canon Nico as having. I'm not arguing schizophrenic Nico is more correct, more canon, or more right, but to explain some thoughts on why I think it's possible/very likely he does so I can use this for future reference in various thing.

I am using the term schizophrenia as a catchall for all "types" of schizophrenia, but not for schizoaffective disorder which I would say Nico probably doesn't have.

Children born in the winter/those who were "sickly" as babies are more likely to develop schizophrenia. It may also be possible if your mother was sick while pregnant with you, or having a father who was significantly older when he had you.

A stressful life, especially trauma, are more likely to develop schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder. It likely has something to do with excessive dopamine production, but it may also have something to do with the same genes that control the sleep-wake cycle. Schizophrenia is more common with other mental illnesses or with other nuerodivergences or developmental delays.

Common symptoms include:

Hallucinations

Delusions

Disorganized thinking

lack of motivation

slow movement

change in sleep patterns

poor grooming or hygiene

changes in body language and emotions

less interest in social activities

Now what does this mean for Nico, and why do I think it's likely he has Schizophrenia?

Let's start with Nico's childhood, "children born in the winter/those who were "sickly" as babies are more likely to develop schizophrenia". Although Rick proposed two birthdays for Nico, the fandom generally accepted the January date more fully. We also know that Nico is described as small when he was younger, smallness is common in children who grow up sickly, but it is also common in children who's mother was ill while pregnant with them. We obviously don't know if Nico was sick as a kid, or if Maria was sick while pregnant with him, but again being born in the winter makes these things more likely, as well as consideration for the time period Nico grew up in and the larger variety of illnesses going around at the time. (He is vaccinated against some things though).

Trauma and Nico... do I really have to go into super detail on this one? He spent his childhood growing up in a fascist country that was extremely racist/anti-Semitic/homophobic/etc, his mom died when he was a child- in front of him, his father intentionally gave him amnesia, his sister died when he was a child, he then proceeded to become homeless living/spending lots of time with Minos who verbally (and possibly physically) abused him, becoming aware of his past memories, becoming aware of the fact that many people hated him because of his father and because they thought he was joining the other side (therefore, he was "bad"), he fought in many battles as a child, fought monsters alone, was often faced with life or death situations, went to Tartarus alone (where the goddess of misery told him he was "perfect"), was trapped in a hostage situation with little/no air for a long time while people debated whether or not to save him, was outed against his will, was freed only to travel again fighting monsters and then win a battle, was eventually made to quest with Apollo despite still having lots of healing to do in ToN. So stressful life? Fuck yeah, that doesn't being to cover it.

Genetic factors, obviously nothing here is confirmed so I'm speculating a little bit again, but the common idea in regards to Hades children through the series is that they are "bad". Mental illnesses have been stigmatized for hundreds, if not thousands of years, and often mentally ill people were made out to be weird/bad/etc. It's more than possible there is some sort of genetic factor taking place, also "having a father who was significantly older when he had you". Although I doubt godly genes work the same as mortal ones (trust me I have lots of thoughts on how god genetics/DNA work, but that's not the point right now), I think Hades being the oldest out of all his brothers and having a reputation for having "questionable" children says something... We have no information on Maria's family history at all.

As for schizophrenia often occurring with other mental illnesses and/or neurodivergences: Nico canonically is implied to have either ADHD and/or Autism, and is canonically stated to have PTSD. I think most people would agree that saying Nico has or has had depression isn't a stretch in the slightest.

So canonically we can all agree Nico has severe trauma and coinciding mental health issues/neurodivergences, so out of 4 possible issues I’ve first presented we guaranteeably have two. If I wanted to stretch this a little I would give myself a half point for him being born in the winter and a half point for the aspect of Hades genetics but I won’t do that.

On top of that schizophrenia usually appears during teenage and young adult years in people who receive diagnosis; most people live with mental illness for a few months or a few years in some cases before they're able to receive a diagnosis. Nico being 15 (16 by the end of ToN/shortly following the end of ToN) is about the age that schizophrenia would start to make an appearance. It's also more likely to be found in men, with men also noticing the appearance of schizophrenia appearing early in their lives, and experiencing more negative symptoms in comparison to the higher commonality of affective symptoms in women. That's a really complicated explanation to basically say there's 3 more things that would make Nico having schizophrenia make more sense.

Alright, let’s go back to the list of symptoms I provided:

Hallucinations

Delusions

Disorganized thinking

lack of motivation

slow movement

change in sleep patterns

poor grooming or hygiene

changes in body language and emotions/behavior

less interest in social activities

Once again, some of these are not solely related to schizophrenia and can be the result of other mental health issues, I’m just going to go down the list and add in some moments from the books in which Nico shows some of these traits/behaviors.

Delusions/Hallucinations (more later)

Our best chances for understanding Nico's thought process is in Blood of Olympus where he has a P.O.V... Sometimes Nico's thoughts do derail, or sometimes they get a little confusing, but not always, and when talking to others he is consistent and aware of what he's saying, as well as blunt. Anything "off" about his thought patterns to me just seems like ADHD..

Dietary changes (whether or not you think he has an eating disorder) are behavioral changes (I personally think Nico has AFRID)

Within House of Hades Nico's poor sleep patterns are constantly referenced, and I'll give him a pass on poor hygiene because he's in the middle of a quest but still..

I have extremely complicated feelings on what Will says here, it's possible Nico is an extremely unreliable narrator (unlikely, it seems many people are bothered by him and only maybe a handful aren't), I've also thought at many points this was Rick trying to backtrack some stuff with Nico because he realized he'd made his story a little too harsh for a kids book, it could also be Will's trauma kicking in and that happening... I'm not counting it as full proof about Nico disliking social interactions, but Nico does try to leave even after this conversation and isn't convinced to stay until the last chapter, so maybe there's something to be said about people's dislike of him for being a Hades kid- but I think it's fair to say Nico also dislikes people at least some because he doesn't have interest in trying to befriend anyone either, and is quick to assume all people dislike him (paranoia/low self esteem/and some other possible stuff). There's lots of discussions to be had about this quote and other similar ones, and I don't think a broad brush approach of "Nico good everyone else bad" is accurate it's more, "Nico is good but he fails to try and you have to work on your own mental health everyone won just go to you, and also people dislike Nico for silly reasons and need to get over themselves and make an effort too". (I'm extremely oversimplifying my thoughts and feelings to keep it brief.)

More on delusions and hallucinations:

Now I want to state that lots of schizophrenia symptoms share a lot of commonalities with ADHD and with depression, so although I might include some moments you think are just ADHD/depression I wouldn’t necessarily disagree with you but they could also be schizophrenia or coexisting mental health issues/divergences. I also went through the DSM-5 for schizophrenia (the DSM-5 is just this big book with lists and it’s how doctors diagnose any mental health issue/divergence), I also looked through the DSM-IV (an older book from before DSM-5 which is no longer really used) and the differences between the diagnosis was fairly minimal but they quit categorizing types of schizophrenia and instead rely more on a couple of word descriptions that seem more in line with a spectrum rather than a checkable box.

In order to receive a schizophrenia diagnosis, two (or more) of the following, each present for a significant portion of time during a 1-month period (or less if successfully treated), and at least one of these symptoms must be (1), (2), or (3):

Delusions

Hallucinations

Disorganized speech (frequent derailment or incoherence)

Grossly disorganized or catatonic behavior

Negative symptoms (i.e., diminished emotional expression or avolition).

It’s important to note that only one of these need to be checked off/true if the patient has voices which narrate their actions/behaviors/thoughts or if the person has more than one voice conversing with each other.

Nico deals with auditory hallucinations (2), he believes the voice belongs to Bob, his titan friend he left in Tartarus:

However this isn’t and immediate diagnosis because Bob’s voice doesn’t talk to another voice(s) in Nico’s head, and we don’t know if Nico has voices running commentary on his behaviors/thoughts.

The reason I state we are unaware if Nico has commentary isn’t because Nico hasn’t said anything, but because many people with schizophrenia before their diagnosis believe the narrative voices are just their thoughts and are a normal internal monologue- usually patients don’t realize anything is wrong until the voices start providing commentary on their actions so instead of “washing the dishes now” the voice(s) might say “wash the dishes now, you’re so lazy you can’t do anything, idiot” during a period of psychosis which may help them acknowledge that the voice(s) isn’t the way most people experience internal voice(s). It is very possible Nico is unaware he is experiencing narrative thoughts and simply assumes that his experience is something most people have, but I won’t use this to argue my point because it’s not confirmation of anything.

Returning now to Bob, Nico knows he is hearing Bob’s voice but he believes Bob is calling to him from Tartarus. Now, Nico says the voices are calling to him from Tartarus but there’s no confirmation of this anywhere… What I think is happening is Nico has a guilty conscience. He feels bad for “using” Bob to get out of Tartarus and various other things, so he feels bad that he is still down there. However, we don’t really know if Bob is calling to him or if Bob is able to do that- what I personally think is happening here is Nico’s brain is convincing Nico that Bob needs him because Nico is upset with himself for not helping Bob more, but also because Nico has never “sat still” before without a quest. Nico has also always felt the want to be needed/important...

It very well could be a delusion.

Schizophrenic patients often experience delusions which make them think they are destined for greatness, or that they have some divine/high force calling out to them for help that only they can provide. It’s an extremely common thing in individuals who experience delusions, and is in fact one of the most common delusions experienced. So although Bob could really be calling out to Nico, I don’t think he is, it doesn’t entirely make sense and there’s lots of little things which point to it being not entirely real- like the fact that nobody else knows about it? Or how absolutely sure Nico is that he need to return to Tartarus? It seems like a mixture of PTSD, delusions, and trauma response (returning to the trauma), working against him. I’ll say delusion is very likely (1).

Using these two factors alone there’s sufficient evidence for diagnosis, but let’s keep going just to see.

For disorganized speech (3) this isn’t something Nico seems to struggle with, and even if he did “derailing” could be ADHD or Autism, so I don’t think this symptom pertains to him.

Changes in behavior (4), seem to all be explainable via depression and/or PTSD- he has begun to express emotion again in Tower of Nero upon learning of Jason’s death he is said to be upset by Will and he walks off to be alone, seems like depression to me. Emotional/Behavior changes from schizophrenia tend to relate more to bipolar disorder rather than a depressive disorder, so I would say if Nico has schizophrenia he probably doesn’t have emotional or behavioral changes from it. If he did he might have some catatonic behavior, but this seems to be clearing up some in Tower of Nero so I’m not super sure on that, maybe during bad periods of psychosis behavioral changes occur, but I would lean more towards this isn’t a symptom Nico personally deals with. Negative symptoms (5) tie into this same idea, it’s possible it’s schizophrenia, but it’s more likely PTSD or depression at work.

So why do I care so much about the possibility of Nico being schizophrenic?

I feel like canonically/fanonically making Nico schizophrenic does a few things, firstly schizophrenic rep in media is extremely extremely awful- can you think off the top of your head of a schizophrenic character who isn't from a horror film/a murder/a villain in their own story? Maybe, but personally I can only think of one which is Charlie from Perks of Being a Wallflower- and even then? That's not canon, it's only implied- and it might not even be true

Schizophrenic media representation always paints schizophrenic people as bad, scary, and evil, and although the horror genre is extremely well known for being super ableist, transphobic, racist, homophobic, and misogynistic (just the final cherry on top) having one of the first- if not the first openly confirmed schizophrenic characters in children's media not only be someone who has lots of character development, and isn't a stereotype, but also be someone people have grown up with, cared for, and sympathized with- would be extremely monumental.

People with schizophrenia and other related disorders aren't something to be scared of or to think of as bad, and often times they're more bothered by whatever they're experiencing than you are.

I don't have schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder or anything like that, but I have various undiagnosed mental health issues which often lead to me questioning reality, or having to set aside time to convince myself that no there isn't a man living in my wall... Having a character have to question those things, work through those feelings, and learn to trust themselves and care for themselves even with those difficulties would be really great to see in media, not just for people with schizophrenia but also for people with similar/related disorders who might share symptoms see parts of their own struggles in a good, educative way.

I have to finish this in two parts because tumblr keeps breaking because there's too many words in my post lmao (2nd part here)

#nico di angelo #pjo #hoo #toa #percy jackson #will solace #solangelo

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lastsonlost · 5 years ago

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Even with a grain of salt,

what the ever loving holy fuck!

A 16-year-old boy being held at a Los Angeles County juvenile hall developed enlarged breasts after he was prescribed estrogen to treat a behavioral disorder, a move that baffled doctors who said the treatment defied medical logic, according to a lawsuit filed last month.

The teen, whose identity is being withheld because of his age, was diagnosed with oppositional defiant disorder, or ODD, two days after he was arrested and housed at Eastlake Juvenile Hall in June 2019, the lawsuit said. Medical records reviewed by The Times show that the teen’s testosterone levels were “slightly high” when the doctor who diagnosed him prescribed daily doses of estrogen.

Estrogen regulates the development of female sexual characteristics and reproduction. Men produce the hormone at much lower levels.

After taking approximately 13 daily doses of the hormone, the teen was diagnosed with gynecomastia, defined as the enlargement or swelling of breast tissue in males whose estrogen level is too high, medical records show.

ODD, a behavioral condition that is sometimes suffered by patients with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, is normally treated with therapy, said James McGough, a professor of clinical psychiatry at UCLA.

“Estrogen is not a treatment for ODD. I can’t be more emphatic about that,” McGough said. “You won’t find a reference anywhere that supports the use of estrogen for ODD.”

The lawsuit described the treatment as “experimental.” The doctor who prescribed the estrogen, Danny Wang, could not be reached for comment.

Los Angeles County’s juvenile detention facilities are overseen by the Probation Department. Medical needs are provided by Juvenile Court Health Services, which falls under the county Department of Health Services. In an e-mail, a Department of Health Services representative confirmed that Wang has been employed by the county since 2012 but declined to comment on his current status with the agency, describing it as a “confidential personnel matter.” The department declined to comment on the lawsuit.

The suit — which names as defendants the county, Wang and David Oh, medical director of Juvenile Court Health Services — alleges medical battery and negligence

Probation officials and the teen’s attorney, Wesley Ouchi, declined to say why he was in custody. Ouchi said the boy, now 17, was released in April and will require surgery to treat the physical issues he developed as a result of the estrogen treatment.

Wang prescribed a daily regimen of 2 milligrams of estrogen to be taken in pill form, according to medical records. The boy’s parents were not aware that he had been diagnosed with ODD or was undergoing treatment until late July 2019. Doctors said the treatments should not have been carried out without the parents’ consent.

The boy’s father, who spoke on the condition of anonymity to protect his son’s identity, said he found out about the estrogen pills when he visited the juvenile hall one weekend last July.

“When I found out they were giving him the pill, I was like, why didn’t they ask me? When I found out what kind of pill was it, I was like, this is terrible,” the father said. “He’s only 16, and they were forcing him to take it.”

The father said he later confronted Oh, the medical director, over the phone. Oh admitted that Wang had made “a mistake,” the father said. The health services representative declined to comment on Oh’s alleged remark due to the ongoing litigation.

The treatments stopped last July, after the teen began to complain of negative side effects and refused medication, records show. Prior to that, Ouchi said, his client felt compelled to take the pills because he feared that disobeying Wang would have a detrimental effect on his pending criminal case.

Reports from probation officers about a youth’s time in custody can carry significant weight at sentencing hearings, and the teen’s case had not been adjudicated at the time Wang prescribed him the estrogen, Ouchi said.

Ouchi also alleges the boy was bullied by other youths in custody once his gynecomastia symptoms developed.

“As a teenager, he felt self-conscious already,” Ouchi said. “Going through these changes made it a lot more traumatic for him.”

Sara Coffey, director of child and adolescent psychiatry at Oklahoma State University, said ODD is normally diagnosed in children between the ages of 6 and 12. Children diagnosed with the disorder often struggle with authority, in school or in social settings. Common treatments include family therapy or medications that have had success in aiding juveniles with ADHD, including Ritalin and Adderall.

Using hormones to treat ODD might actually worsen the situation, Coffey said.

“The other concern I have, as a psychiatrist, is that we know hormones play a role in mood,” she said. “If his mood got disrupted, that could only further complicate things.”

Estrogen is normally stocked at L.A. County juvenile facilities for use as part of hormone therapy for contraception and treatment of gender dysphoria, according to the health services representative.

The boy’s father said the hormone therapy has had a long-term effect on his son, who now scares easily and has become antisocial.

“He’s like a different person. He just wants to be in his room, and he don’t come out for nothing, all day in his room,” the father said. “He was never like that.”

And people wonder why I'm so critical of California.

Also I'm gonna leave this here.

People swear we live in the handmaid’s tale. But I don’t see anyone trying to fix women the way they’re trying to fix men.

#masculinity

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actuallyadhd · 8 months ago

Note

i won’t lie i feel silly for reaching out to a tumblr blog but here goes— My father openly admits he has autism and adhd, my mom is (as far as i know) neurotypical, with trauma. And I didn’t know any of this until i reached 17-18 (currently in my 20’s now) now, all my life i was always told “i need to focus” and that i ‘could focus’ if i put in the ‘effort’— but that i just didn’t ‘want to’. and that hurt growing up, because i believed it, why couldn’t i pay attention to the things i needed to, but when it came time for a favorite subject or something that was genuinely intriguing, i would dive in head first and become the knowledgeable in that subject. (which i later learned could simply be hyper fixation) and then from zoning out to not being able to physically shut my mouth(verbally stimming, even when I’m required to be quiet like during tests) — leg bouncing, finger tapping, daydreaming, feeling like i was “different”.

my mom would always push me to be my best which was harmful to me because i never got a chance for rest. she believed “the busier i was, the less trouble i’d get into” so i was in sports and dance and theater, and everything under the sun that could deter from free time. and i guess that was fine until the break downs and shut downs kicked in. then i was lazy and unmotivated and ungrateful even. and i guess after years of that we learn how to mask, which i think i do really well. because when i brought up to my family n friends that i might have ADHD, they just said “i don’t see it” or “mmm i don’t think so—“ 🧍🏽‍♀️

fast forward. and now we’re at a harsh wall of substance abuse, i use THC products because it helps me just, BE. and i did my research as to why and of course. People with low dopamine levels who smoke THC get that reward chemical that we so crave, and then when we keep getting our dopamine that way, it creates a dependency. go figure. i told this to my boyfriend (who is very loving and supportive, but i also don’t think he believes me when i say i might have ADHD) and he smokes too, n he might have ADHD too (he’s not too sure but he had instances as a kid where adults told him n his parents he might) but the difference is his willpower. and it makes me feel like maybe i’m doing something wrong? not to mention that every time i say i want to get medicated everyone will give me a billion reasons not too— (even tho i might just when i get the finances for it)

he swore he was just like me, but the difference is that he just redirected his energy and mind power to just…not. his words not mine. and then i thought maybe he just did CBT therapy on himself, and he thinks he did too. And I’ve tried all the things that people suggest, calendars, timers, reminder apps, adhd apps, writing on sticky notes, writing it on my hands even!

so i guess my questions are — am i doing everything i possibly can? am i trying hard enough to manage this? did i make a mistake somewhere along the way? and how do i keep going about it even when it feels like no one is taking me seriously when i say i’m struggling with this?

-a very tired n drained brain

Sent February 29, 2024

I'm sorry it took me so long to answer this. I don't know if I can help you a lot, but I will do my best to help you where I can.

I see a lot of things in your message that you might want to address with a counsellor. In particular, it seems like you might have some childhood trauma from being expected to suppress your ADHD symptoms. This can make ADHD symptoms harder to manage, and some trauma-related responses can mimic ADHD, which makes it hard to know what's really going on.

As for your boyfriend, it sounds like he may have found some systems that help him with his symptoms. It's also highly likely that your symptoms are different from his, and that you need different systems from those he uses. That doesn't mean you don't have ADHD, and it doesn't mean he doesn't have ADHD either; it just means that you are different people.

The THC use is something you both might want to reconsider. It can be difficult to find good information on the effects of cannabis on the brain, but what information we have indicates that ADHDers who use it are more likely to become addicted. This makes sense, since you're self-medicating. The problem is the addiction plus the possibility of a variety of other issues that can develop with extended use, such as memory problems and difficulty thinking clearly. Obviously the choice is yours, especially if it is legal in your area, and apparently medical marijuana is now being prescribed as treatment for things like depression and anxiety, which are often comorbid with ADHD, so the medical consensus is definitely in flux.

You list a bunch of different things you've tried, but I can't really offer any thoughts on that because what will help you depends a lot on what you're struggling with and why. I don't think your problem is that you're not trying hard enough or anything like that; I think that you've been stuck trying things that work for other people but that don't address your specific difficulties in a way that works for your brain.

It is clear to me that you are struggling, because if you weren't you wouldn't have written such a detailed Ask. You deserve help and support for the things you're struggling with.

If you write in again with more specifics about what you're currently struggling with, I can try to help you figure out what to do about it. If I suggest something you've tried before that didn't work, let me know and I'll see if I can come up with something else, or some tweaks that might work better for you. In addition, other people here may have suggestions for you to try.

Followers, do you have any thoughts on this story? What do you think about using THC for ADHD? How about the dismissiveness of others when we bring up our symptoms to try and get help?

-J

#adhd #actually adhd #asks #anonymous #questioning if adhd #medical marijuana #THC #trauma

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theflannelwizard · 4 years ago

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Miss Simian teaches the Special Accommodations class

First off, I would like to say that I am neurodivergent, and most of these headcanons are based off my own experiences. If I do accidentally phrase something in a way that offends you, please let me know so I can fix it! Thanks to @onceuponymous to chatting with me about this before I posted it! I will also say that TAWOG is my current hyper fixation, so this might end up being a rather long post! I’ll try to use bold and italics so my fellow neurodivergent fans have an easier time reading it if they want to :)

I think Miss Simian’s class is full of the neurodivergent kids in Elmore Jr. High. This would explain why Darwin and Gumball are in the same class, despite being two years apart in age, and why they are so blind to the rest of the school. They have their routine and their class, and they are purposefully on a separate schedule than the other students. This would also explain why Gumball and Darwin are so frequently sent to the guidance counselor for their outbursts instead of to the principal.

Almost all if not all of the students in her class exhibit common symptoms of neurodivergence, including (but not limited to) having trouble communicating, hyper fixating or having special interests, masking or feeling like the world won't like, understand, or accept them if they don’t put on a persona, fidgeting or stimming, having trouble with focus, expressing emotion intensely or in unique ways, and either adhering to a strict schedule or behaving impulsively.

Let’s start with trouble communicating. This is an obvious and easy one- almost none of Gumball’s classmates communicate in a neurotypical fashion. Juke and William have extreme trouble communicating verbally, and although Juke realizes this, he keeps trying but is unable to “switch” himself to an easily understood language. William doesn’t even realize he is unheard until Gumball declares he is silent. Banana Joe, Bobert, Sussie, and Jamie all speak in special dialects or patterns that are understandable but set them apart from what would be considered “normal.” Jamie’s is the least obvious, but I would argue that her reliance on threats, often delivered using the same formula, is a unique speech pattern that could have developed in part due to her parentage/home life and in part due to trouble communicating. Gumball has no problem with speaking in an understandable way, but he does have trouble expressing his emotions- he either locks them down or goes over the top with grand declarations and gestures. Likewise, Darwin is able to express himself rather clearly, but he canonically has trouble “learning facial expressions” and is often blind to sarcasm and manipulation, as are many of his classmates. Some students are on the end of the spectrum where they may not have trouble speaking, but they do have trouble reading social cues. For example, Molly is eager to talk to her friends, but can’t always tell whether they are engaged with her stories and doesn’t know when to stop talking. Sarah doesn’t have a clear understanding of boundaries, and neither do Tobias, Sussie, Banana Joe, Teri, Tina, Clayton, Ocho, Gumball, or Alan (despite having good intentions, he often fails to set boundaries for himself, and that’s just as important to notice as those who intrude or don’t understand boundaries for others). In fact, I would argue the entire class has, at some point, shown that they have trouble setting or anticipating healthy boundaries. Once boundaries have been clearly set, they usually are able and willing to respect them, but they can’t always tell on their own what another person is okay with.

Now for hyper fixations and special interests. I would say Teri is one of the most obvious here, with her extensive knowledge of germs and cleanliness. She’s more than just a germaphobe, she has studied hygiene and is obsessive to a point of rarely talking about anything else. Alan could likely be fixated on activism or the general concept of goodness, working overtime to make himself into the most helpful and positive person he can be. Sarah’s fangirl persona goes hand in hand with a fixation on comics, anime, and/or manga. I would even say Carrie’s intense dedication to goth/emo culture could be considered a special interest, and Leslie has a similar relationship to fashion, beauty, and the (heavily coded) LGBT community. Tobias’ obsession with video games has canonically gotten so intense that he neglected basic needs such as sleep- a classic example of hyper fixation.

As far as masking and persona goes, many of the points I’m about to make could be seen as simple stereotyping to make the characters distinct. I choose to interpret it differently. Gumball, Penny, Tobias, Carrie, Masami, Tina, Clayton, and Ocho have all had arcs or significant moments where they were either revealed to have interests or personality traits that were in direct contrast with their outward persona or revealed to think people wouldn’t like “the real them” as much as the act they put on. For example, Penny was terrified to come out of her shell, Tina doesn’t intend to be a bully but comes off as one due to her menacing mask (for self protection, perhaps, so she doesn’t get bullied herself?), and Ocho admits he has trust issues due to being used for his uncles and not respected unless he puts on an intense and aggressive front. Other students build their identities around a single aspect of themself, either something that they find important or something that they expect will be liked or respected. Tobias, Leslie, Carrie, Alan, Jamie, Tina, Idaho, Sarah, Bobert, Banana Joe, and Masami fall easily into stereotypes and seem to be glad to do so. Clayton goes so far as to commit identity theft simply so no one will see his true self and dislike him. Clayton’s compulsive lying is also a symptom of ADHD.

I’m not going to write a whole paragraph on fidgeting/stimming and focus, because I don’t think there’s too much to analyze or dissect there, but if you go back and watch any episode, you’ll likely notice that many of the characters are easily distracted and/or have unique body movements, postures, or phrases that they tend to repeat. I also think impulsivity and routine is so important to the plot that it doesn’t need to be discussed, but was worth a brief mention.

Let’s talk about emotions! Gumball has the classic neurodivergent experience of either bottling up his emotions with no idea how to express them or going over the top with grand declarations and gestures. He feels things very intensely, as shown by his often dramatic reactions, but isn’t always sure how to process or express them. Darwin is always on one extreme of that scale, with no filter as to how he expresses and feels things. He is unafraid to cry in public, declare that something makes him feel good or bad, or say very bluntly what needs to be done to make him feel better (eg declaring he responds well to positive reinforcement- that sounds like therapist or guidance counselor language to me! Good job, Darwin! I wish I was as clear as you!). Likewise, Penny is prone to meltdowns after she breaks out of her shell, and she is so intensely emotional that she messes up her (likely well-rehearsed) cheer tryout due to being rejected by Gumball, and her physical form changes based on emotion. Banana Joe, Carrie, Masami, Sarah, arguably Anton, Carmen, Teri, Tina, Hector, and Sussie also express their intense emotions in big and obvious ways. Some examples include Masami’s meltdown in The Storm, Teri’s tendency to faint or cry, Carmen’s outburst (possibly a meltdown or breakdown) at her old school, and Tina’s tendency to use violence and anger as a first response when upset, even in “small” ways. (Note- I put small in quotes because something like being told it’s a waste of time to get piano lessons might not feel small to her, and could indeed warrant chasing and attacking Gumball.) On the other side of the scale, we have characters like Alan, Idaho, Bobert, Molly, Leslie, and Hector (again, as he behaves differently with or without his music box), who are capable of being dramatic or expressing emotion, but won’t acknowledge their feelings directly and might even be perceived as not having (many) emotions. For instance, Bobert is often referred to as not having emotions or not being a real person, a harmful stereotype against autistic folks, which is increased by the fact that he is a robot, which autistic folks are sometimes unfairly compared to. Alan is seemingly incapable of feeling negative emotions, to the point where his loss of hope wrecks Elmore, implying that he has a mental or emotional block from feeling and expressing these emotions. Molly references her “special dark place,” implying that she does get emotionally or sensorially overwhelmed, but has no way to express her needs (or lacks the confidence to do so) and would rather remove herself from a situation. Leslie is the most dramatic of the characters with emotional blocks or low emotional expression, but I would argue that since he never openly owns or discusses his emotions, (verbally or otherwise,) and instead turns to petty drama or denial, he also belongs in this category.

TL;DR: Most if not all of Miss Simian’s students exhibit classic symptoms of neurodivergence, be it autism, adhd, or both. Hopefully the many (x character) has (x diagnosis) posts I’ve seen floating around can supplement this theory! And of course, if you don’t buy this interpretation or just don’t like it, you don’t have to agree with me! But I think the idea of TAWOG having a majority neurodivergent cast is comforting, fun, and canon-compliant. :)

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lokislittlesigyn · 4 years ago

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//okay just a personal post, carry on and ignore it if you like!

//tw for mental health mention, ptsd, some.. general vent-but-good stuff

So. Ah.

I’ve been wanting to make another personal post for a while. It’s just never felt right. I don’t want to upset people,or seem like I’m begging for attention, or over-share, but I also really appreciate the kind words and support people have. And.. I think I’m supposed to share? I should talk, if the time’s right? I won’t say it’s comfortable, because it isn’t always, and right and comfortable aren’t always the same thing. But I think this is right, even if it may not be comfortable.

Long story short, I brought my parents along to a therapy meeting with a new specialist that my original therapist transferred me to. I was worried my first therapist didn’t have a full grasp of the severity of what’s going on, and I needed my parents help - as the people who spend the most time with me - to express just how bad things are. The new specialist was.. Incredibly kind. He listened and cared and believed us, and suggested two things.

1. We pursue a higher level of care. Because of the severity, meetings every few weeks (or, maybe even once a week) might not be enough.

2. We conduct a series of screenings and tests to gauge what we’re dealing with, and the severity, with the possibility of getting medical necessity for further help/testing.

So this Thursday, we did the tests.

It’s a strange thing. I’ve been desperate to know what exactly is happening. What’s “wrong” with me so to speak. I suppose wrong isn’t a kind word for it, but it’s certainly not fun, the things that are going on... But I digress.

Only one came back truly negative: turns out I probably don’t have ADHD.

But depression? Positive. Moderate-severe. Anxiety? Positive. Moderate, but only because I have coping mechanisms - the specialist thinks it’s more severe than the test shows. OCD? Positive. Extremely high. Stress? I tested in the highest possible section. The same section as first responders. As people who charge into burning buildings. In the specialist’s own words, my stress levels were “off the charts.” And PTSD... I was abundantly positive and severe on that. He said if the population of the US were likened to 100 people, me and only 3 other people would be dealing with the level of PTSD I do.

And after talking to him, he confirmed my suspicions. I struggle with complex PTSD. Multiple traumas happening multiple times over... Years. Over almost my entire life. CPTSD, with symptoms of depression, anxiety, OCD, and high stress, all stemming from the underlying trauma. It was both validating and humbling to find all this out.

On the upside, these are all connected issues, like a bundle of roots from an invasive plant. On the downside, these are all connected issues, compounding on and feeding off one another.

I did another test too. A test for a certain “disorder” that came back two points away from positive. The specialist recommended better testing on that, because the written tests are flawed, and can be biased, and depending on the day results can be different. As I think about it, I realized, I think I answered some of the questions wrong. I misunderstood. And if I’d answered differently - more honestly - I think it might have been positive. I’m not sure.

I’m a little scared, honestly. I desperately want to know what’s going on. To have a name for all of this. To have a name so that I can start knowing what to do. But if I do have this... I’m going to need time to accept and process it.

I had a feeling this summer would bring a lot of self-discovery. I felt I’d find out a lot more about myself this year. Maybe these tests are part of how that happens.

For now, I’m grateful for what we know. We’re pursuing more treatment. We’re getting help. My parents have asked me to make lists of things they can do to help soothe me and make everyday life less hard - even just little things, in the hopes they’ll compound on one another. Good to balance out the bad.

It sounds very strange to me. I can’t help but wonder why we’d change anything. I’m coping well enough as is, aren’t I? I haven’t given up yet, so why should we change anything? But I think that’s the coping talking. I’ve learned that life will only ever get worse. Maybe things can get better? I just have to put faith in the fact they can... Which is immensely difficult. So many other things in my life have proven just the opposite.

But I hope I’ll be victorious one day. I have to hold onto that, right? Hold onto that and keep trying?

For what it’s worth, everyone I’ve told the test results to has been extremely kind. I wasn’t expecting it. I was expecting people to treat me different, I guess, and maybe reveal how exhausting and frustrating I am, or have been, and.. Leave.

But they didn’t.

I’m glad.

if you read this far, i commend you. this is very long and probably a lot of information. i don’t know if this will help anyone but... if you’re struggling, with anything, and you’re able? maybe try to get help. i know it can be hard, and scary, and it might not make sense. but even just in these sessions, i’ve tasted a little bit of kindness, a little bit of relief, a little bit of validation and understanding and proof that what i feel is real. i’m not just making it up or being dramatic. and that alone is worth the trouble.

be gentle with yourself.

#sigyn says words #personal #woah im a person??? wild #tw ptsd #tw mental health #tw ocd #tw ocd mention #tw anxiety #tw depression #tw adhd #tw #in which sigyn says a lot of words and proceeds to go collapse in bed #i am so tired.#i am just so tired...#but i hope this will lead to good change #onwards and upwards #right?#sigyn the victorious

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nagisasstunningpersonality · 4 years ago

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TINSITOGS, a retrospective (happy birthday)

(yes I’m like two days too late I know I’m sorry)

Why hello followers and ass class fandom, nice to see you there. I’m sure MOST people know about this, but in case you don’t, hi. On AO3 I’m better known as livixbobbiex, writer of maybe one of the most infamous Assassination Classroom fics.

Which I mean like, if you haven’t read it yet you totally should it’s fanlore at this point I promise-

Shameless plug that I don’t need aside, I felt that, on its first birthday since actual completion, I just wanted to share some things about it. Some tit bits about writing it, fun facts, maybe even some author advice TM. I appreciate that it’ll be super annoying if I do that in the tags, though, so that’ll all be under the cut. If you don’t want to read the whole post, then no matter what, thanks for the support in general!

I also want to take the opportunity to announce that I’ve reopened my discord, so if you want to talk about my fics with me (and others), you’re more than welcome to join! (the link is here)

The origin story

I’ve stated this many times, I think, but TINSITOGS was never supposed to be a serious story. Taking you back, quite a long time, it actually started in a facebook DM with a friend. We used to come up with “head canons” with each other, which were basically just very condensed fanfiction plots over a multitude of text messages. I believe I was trying to cheer her up, and I tried to come up with some kind of plot line.

At the time, I was fairly fresh to the Ass Class fandom, and I was joking about how there were no teen pregnancy melodrama fanfictions. It wasn’t that I wanted one, I just thought it was strange for a school centric anime with a bunch of ships to NOT have one. And, back then, I only really cared about karmagisa. So I just decided ‘right it’s happening’. The reason I decided to make it ABO was due to ‘it making sense’. Fun fact: it was almost written as AFAB trans Nagisa, but I decided against it as I didn’t rate my ability to handle it well back then. Looking back on it, I’m glad I made that decision.

Over around two months, writing out the plot of this story took over my life a little bit. I had no idea where I was going with it, but I was having so much fun with the drama that I decided that Karma and Nagisa shouldn’t get together soon at all, and I had a lot of fun teasing my friend with the ‘will they won’t they’. It was only when I got bored that I invented this intense drama plotline to finish it all off.

That period of time was a lot of fun. And whilst that friendship didn’t end well, I still have a lot to thank her for. She chose Daichi’s name because I had no idea, and she wanted to annoy me because I didn’t like Haikyuu. When I couldn’t decide on his hair colour, the purple was her suggestion because ‘why logic?’ Daichi speaking Korean was because of how much she liked Kpop. She even helped me choose the title of the actual fic, so there’s a lot you can thank her for, honestly.

After I finished that story, though, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Whenever I daydreamed, I used to think about that damn Daichi Akabane, and how much I wanted to tell his story. I’d even come up with extra stuff to fill in a lot of the gaps, and developed his character in my mind. I decided that I was really desperate to write it down. Usually that worked when I had an idea I wanted to work through.

I wrote the first chapter in late 2017, and then the next two as well. I just, kept going, and realised that I could go further still. TINSITOGS was never something that was supposed to be shared, but I decided I may as well. After all, that fated ‘teen pregnancy drama’ fic still didn’t exist, and I thought it would be funny to make it happen.

Yes, as I’ve stated publicly a few times, TINSITOGS was a crack fic. If I wanted attention from it, it was infamy. We even joked about me cursing the fandom if it ever became the most popular fic (whoops?). What I wasn’t expecting was a bunch of people, in a fandom where at the time there were NO ongoing karmagisa fics and it was pretty dead, to really seem to enjoy it. It was enough to have me keep writing it, at least. I still don’t know at what point I actually started taking it seriously, but somehow I did, and the rest is history?

The reception

In my wildest dreams, I never thought that I would be the author of one of the most popular fics in the fandom. To this day, the amount of views TINSITOGS has is insanity to me. For the record, across all platforms it’s on today it has 238,000, which is literally a number I can’t even visualise anymore. Almost quarter of a MILLION. To this day on AO3, it’s the most viewed Ass Class fic that’s an ACTUAL ass class fic (the others are multi fandom compilations). So yeah, I achieved the original goal, I guess?

Now you might be wondering, “omg the karmagisa fandom is fujoshi trash”. And, considering the origins, it is kind of funny. The thing is, though, TINSITOGS was written at incredibly good time. It was written when there were, essentially, very few long form Karma/Nagisa stories. If any other fics did get posted on occasion, they were usually just oneshots. I was also, at that point, writing very fast. A symptom of ADHD is becoming obsessively productive over certain things. Since I was able to get a 3k chapter out every few days/once a week, TINSITOGS was consistently bumped to the top of AO3′s default view. And some of those first few chapters were altered canon, and transcribing the canon dialogue didn’t take very long. The more views it got, the more people would read it out of sheer curiosity.

I think it also helps that, at least after it started getting some positive feedback (which was honestly after the pre written chapters), I purposely tried to make it ‘not terrible’. I mean, I personally think the first chapter is pretty weak and if it wasn’t somewhat iconic to a lot of people I’d rewrite it. But in general, I purposely tried to make the world of ABO my own, to make it more accessible to those who don’t like that genre, and stay away from the inherently grosser stuff as much as possible. I genuinely do get comments about how I introduced people to the genre as a whole, still not sure if that’s a GOOD thing but hey, it happened.

TINSITOGS turned into a lot more than just a joke. It turned into my favourite hobby. It turned into a research project (honestly, you would not believe the amount of mummy vlogs and legit scientific articles about child development I consumed). It turned into something that, at least I believe, was widely loved.

Meaning

I think it might be wrong to say that I don’t have AN idea of when I started to take the fic super seriously. For me, it was around the time someone commented something along the lines of saying my writing meant a lot to them, that they’d spent all night reading it and had been unable to put it down.

Not to get too dark here, but I do have a past in writing a very long, somewhat popular fic (it’s still on my fanfic net profile if anyone’s interested, but I don’t recommend it). However, in the latter part of my teenage years, the depression struck. Writing was the love of my life, and I couldn’t bring myself to do it anymore. Maybe I’d be able to muster an idea or even a chapter at the best points of that, but I’d never completely finished any story. Starting to write again was a huge step in my recovery, and one of the reasons I convinced myself that life was worth it was being able to impact someone’s life somehow. Even to this day, I still remember the fics I read when I was, like, thirteen. How much I still remember them, and how much they meant to be at the time. I wanted to be that writer for someone else. To be honest, it was actually Yuri!!! On Ice that got me out of the super bad, but I still never wrote anything of real consequence. TINSITOGS was the first time in a long time I actually committed to something.

And, to be completely honest, there were a lot of times I was tired of it, and wanted to just quit. But, the thing was, I felt like people depended on me in a way. I got so many comments that were just FILLED with support, telling me how much they looked forward to every update. It wasn’t just empty words, either, a lot of the times these comments would be super engaged with the actual writing. I can’t even describe just how much they meant to me, how much I would look forward to reading everyone’s opinions. And then discord happened, which was a lot of fun.

TINSITOGS went a lot further than I ever thought it would. There were comments, discussions, fan art, fan FIC (which is honestly incredible to me). Someone even added it to TV Tropes, at one point. Not to mention the Cards Against Humanity deck and quiz It makes me so unbelievably happy that I could inspire that much creativity, but it’s a two way street. It was all of that which inspired me to write, too.

Writing

The only real goal I actually had was aiming for around 3000 words per chapter. I had a whole facebook log of plot points as planning, and I was mostly just trying to expand on them into prose. I honestly thought that, at its completion, the entire fic would be around 100k words, if that. Not, at one point, being literally the longest ass class fic on AO3.

There are a lot of aspects that were directly adapted from the original messages, and I tried to stay faithful to it more so at first, even if I later removed some of the pure crack. But the style was also vaguely similar, with the story being told mostly from Nagisa’s perspective with swaps to Karma when it made sense. All the main plot beats, too, are pretty much identical. The plus to this was I was able to add a lot of really fun foreshadowing, and I feel like it’s a fun reread because of it.

Honestly though, if there’s a demand to release those OG message logs, I will. Mostly because it’s kind of funny, and interesting to see. Isogai and Nagisa were engaged at one point, even.

Obviously, it changed somewhat. 3000 was the minimum length, and the time to completion was whenever it felt right. One of my big concerns was about pacing, so it took a lot more fleshing out and maybe ‘filler’ content for some of the main arcs to work.

There’s parts of TINSITOGS I don’t think aren’t written that well, and some that I’m still super proud of. I think you can definitely tell there’s a gradual shift in style, and I get a lot more comfortable with writing them as characters as it goes along. To be honest, my pride for the fic overall is what it represents.

It is funny to think about the places it got written in, though. I started it when I worked at McDonalds with no life direction, then it went through my first year of university with me. It’s been written in at least four countries. Aeroplanes, night clubs, long haul buses, a train through the Japanese southern coastline. Even the start of covid. TINSITOGS managed to see a lot. I even turned a scene in (the boat scene during the India chapter with altered names) to my university as a legitimate assignment.

There were also a few messages I wanted to achieve, once I realised I had the platform to put them across. One of them was, obviously, ‘use protection kids’. It was important to me that I didn’t glamorise it too much, and I think that came across. I also wanted to dispute some of the issues with ABO, and subvert the consent issues as much as I could. An arc I really ‘liked’ writing was how abuse doesn’t always look the same way, and that it can be a drawn out change in behaviour. How the most important part of ‘being a good parent’ isn’t perfection, but genuinely loving and doing the best you can for your kid. How love doesn’t solve everything, and effective communication can take a very long time to learn and build a functional relationship. I mean, there definitely was a lot I tried to put in, and you’re free to interpret it all how you want. But, I like to think some people learnt some of these things, at least.

Daichi

Honestly, Daichi developed almost of his own free will. I had a good idea of his appearance, and that he was smart. Writing him from birth until around nine years old (older if you read the sequel fic) pretty much allowed that fluidity. It was really fun to explore a nature vs nurture development, and let his own characteristics speak for themselves.

He’ll always have a special place in my heart.

This is the first image I ever made. When I was trying to figure out what Daichi looked like, I honestly just edited Karma’s hair (pretty well, actually? I’m impressed with my past skill). That’s where the ‘he looks just like Karma’ meme kind of came from.

This was the first image I actually created of Daichi. I THINK it was on rinmaru games mega anime creator or something, but it’s literally not available on the internet anymore as far as I can tell, so I can’t double check. This was in the pre-piccrew days. His eyes are closed because they didn’t have the right tone of goldish/silver.

His sister, Kaguya, didn’t even exist originally, even though I decided on that ending pretty early on. Actually, she was going to be called ‘Irina’ due to some hijinks. Initially, when Karma found out about Irina’s pregnancy, she was going to get super emotional and mad at him and basically force him to name his first born daughter after her. Karma agreed to shut her up, never intending to have another child, so when the surprise second child later came along they had to live with the pain. However, to be honest I just forgot to write in the actual scene that set it all up, and I decided against adding it anywhere else. The name Kaguya was a very last minute decision, and it was a chance for me to explore some ideas that didn’t fit with Daichi’s character.

Interestingly too, Daichi and Nao were never intended to be a thing. I only decided that towards the VERY end. Even though the reason I named Nao that was because of a ship I had in a J Drama (Good Morning Call). It just kind of ended up happening because I won myself over with imagining the cute.

The music

I used to write with a lot of background music, though not all the time. Particularly towards the start, there was a lot that didn’t really make sense thematically, yet I would write to a lot.

Here’s a link to the spotify playlist if you want it it’s basically all the ones I noted I’d listened to a lot. Not including the smut ones, though, I have a whole playlist for that.

Some of the notable ones:

Five String Serenade - the first scene I wrote of the entire fic, in Chapter 25 New Year Time where they fell asleep cuddling.

Cosmic Love - when I wrote Nagisa’s love confession scene in hospital (I also wrote this pretty early on)

Northern Downpour (though it was actually a cover by Emma Blackery) - The chapter after Daichi’s born (30)

When The Party’s Over - Confession Time Third Period, Chapter 69. I literally listened to this song on REPEAT when I planned and wrote the kind of ‘break up’ scene, and it’s one of the few parts that made me cry writing.

Turning Page - I know I said no smut, but this song actually gave me the idea to have the “I love you” in chapter 108 be less on a whim and actually more built up. In the original plan, Karma really did just say it without thinking. I’m glad I changed that.

Bury Me Low and Numb - pretty much all I listened to when writing the last few chapters, because Evil Nagisa core. So much so that Bury Me Low was in my top 2020 songs rewind.

As for the title, there’s actually quite a funny story. I had no idea what to call the fic, and when that happens I usually just try and find some song lyrics. I really wanted to use something from ‘October’ by the Broken Bells. Not only because it’s my favourite song (has been for years), but thematically it really worked. The issue was, it worked as the WHOLE song, there were no individual lyrics that captured everything. And, if they did, they didn’t flow very well. And naming the fic ‘October’ would have been weird for a lot of reasons. There Is No Sweeter Innocence That Our Gentle Sin really was just plucked randomly, in a desperate search to find any snappy lyrics from any song that had some kind of meaning. After a bit of discussion, we settled that it kind of worked... if Daichi is innocent and they committed a sin or something. It also wasn’t the most obvious lyric from the song (Take Me To Church if anyone doesn’t know) so I just went with it. It works out, I think, because TINSITOGS turned out to be a pretty good acronym and pronounceable word in its own right.

The merch redbubble drama

It’s a well known fact that I’m not very good at art. However, I decided to try pixel art because it seemed the easiest to not mess up. I made Karma and Nagisa, before deciding to also give Daichi a try.

This, to this day, is the only good quality art of Daichi that I actually own. The only one I’m actually happy sharing and thinking it doesn’t look terrible. As much as I love people sending me fanart, it’s not ‘my property’, right.

So, I was kind of joking about TINSITOGS having merchandise. At first I just made two funny quote things, and uploaded it to redbubble. I was never intending to actually make money from this, and I’d agreed to myself that if I did, I would just donate it to charity. I was joking with the quotes, but since I had this artwork I figured I may as well uploaded. Separately, there was also an image that had pixel Daichi next to pixel Nagisa and Karma (which I also created).

Aside from showing up in a few people’s adverts across the internet, there was no real harm with this. In fact, I didn’t make money anyway. It was just... more the joke of it existing. I did, however, buy myself a Daichi phone case, which is one of my favourite possessions.

The funny ‘drama’ comes in when they got taken down due to copywrite. Sure, the one with Nagisa and Karma, I understand. But the other three literally had no mention or anything to do with Assassination Classroom, aside from being from a fanfiction. So basically, someone who owns those rights claimed my OC as theirs. Which makes Daichi canon? Whatever the case, I found this hilarious don’t worry.

How has TINSITOGS changed my life?

This is quite a strange thing to think about. Because, in a lot of ways, it really hasn’t. As I’m sure a lot of people know, I don’t really consider myself to have any real ‘fame’, despite the impressive numbers. Whenever I tell people in my personal life, they seem to think I’m some sort of internet celebrity, but that’s never been the case for me. I mean, it’s hardly a cultural phenomenon.

In a lot of ways, I’d much rather befriend someone than have them admire me. Possibly because being someone’s inspiration is kind of weird... I’m just an awkward duck who likes to write after all. I don’t mind it, though. I genuinely find it an honour, even if I don’t necessarily agree. I also want to take this time to say that if anyone ever wants to talk or message me, you’re more than free to do so. I’m usually super casual with people who do that, I promise.

TINSITOGS was the first story I ever finished in the way I truly wanted to. Start to end, a full narrative. And it took a LOT. There were so many times I almost felt like quitting, or took super long breaks. For me, ADHD queen, actually finishing something was a huge deal. And I know I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t owe it to everyone who read it, and myself, to see it through. You know like, if I were to die tomorrow, at least I’ve left something behind.

In a lot of ways, it’s changed me for the better. It’s helped me develop my writing styles, and way of thinking. It encouraged me to become more active in the fandom, and develop some important friendships. I always feel like my Tumblr and Fanfiction ‘known’ factor is separate. I think most of my Tumblr following is more to do with my theories/Japanese context research if anything, for example, but I know I wouldn’t be so interested in that if TINSITOGS hadn’t lead me to deeply examine character and really look into analysing source material for clues. I also think there’s just... a lot of myself in it.

I was 17 years old, when I first came up with the idea. I finished the story when I was 20. Now, at the time of writing, I’m 21. That time has seen some pretty significant changes - just in general life facts and my own personal human development. For me at least, a lot of that was pretty turbulent, and TINSITOGS stands as a time capsule for that, in a way.

I know I gained a lot of confidence, and it affirmed to me that writing is what I love. Telling stories and sharing them is what I love.

Conclusion

Do I think TINSITOGS is an outstanding piece of writing, or the best fic ever? No. I really don’t. It’s strange to say because I definitely spent a lot of time on it, but it’s not like I put my full unbridled efforts into the story. I don’t fully plan, use a beta, or even read through on my own. And that’s okay - that’s not what I write fanfiction for. Fanfiction is my place to have fun with characters and stories I like, without the pressures of having to stand on my own complete originality. Yes, I’m fully confident that I can write at a “higher quality”, if I really wanted to. I’m also aware that some authors put their full effort into their fics, and that’s just as valid!

It feels odd to say this about my own writing, but I honestly think there’s just something in this story. It might not be written in the best prose ever, and the premise might be kind of dumb for a lot of people. But, I think, there’s some part of this fic that managed to grab people. Somehow, at some point, many readers get captured into the emotions and so drawn in that ‘they just have to finish it now!’ Again, I’m not sure myself how I actually achieved that. Of course, that won’t apply to everyone, but I do feel there’s some truth in it. And it makes me happy, to have caused that.

If TINSITOGS is your favourite fic, or if you genuinely think it’s the best story you’ve read, then thank you. I really appreciate your support, and I’m happy to have been a part of your life, I guess. I know how much fanfics can mean to a person, and that’s why I’m not going to take it down, or edit it at all. And it’s fine too, if you loved the fic for a while and moved on -i t happens. Whatever the case, I’m very honoured to have been able to occupy a moment of your life. Or if you find this fic in 10 years time, even, I still wholly appreciate you.

This story was incredibly important to me, and thank you for reading if it was ever important to you too.

You may ask, what now? Well, this is only intended to be a detailed look back for whoever’s interested, and it’s likely the only one I’ll actually do, a year after completion. Of course, if you ever want to ask me anything or just discuss the story, you’re honestly good to contact me in whatever way I have available.

I’m still writing my ongoing stories, of course, despite taking a small break due to the university work load. I fully intend to complete the stories I’ve already started to tell, at least. After that... I’m not sure if I’ll still write fanfiction. Don’t panic, this isn’t a ‘I’m quitting writing’ thing. I may, however, have bled the Karmagisa genre a bit too dry at that point. Who knows? I am pretty interested in writing something original for once, so maybe that’ll work out.

For now, at least, thank you to anyone who read this fic. To anyone who commented, liked, or interacted with me over it. To anyone who created or learnt from it. I’m really glad that I got to share this story with you all, and ultimately left some kind of mark, no matter how big or small.

Happy birthday, TINSITOGS. I had a lot of fun writing you.

#ass class #assassination classroom #ansatsu kyoushitsu #tinsitogs #karmagisa

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