#this math is wild y'all

[aeruthien]

Basically continuously during this campaign posts have popped up about BH's not talking as much as the Mighty Nein, or the relationships not having as much depth.

And while this may be due to the plot structure or the character dynamics, I think it is easy to underestimate just how much the increase from an (average) of 6, to a 7 and now 8 player group has on the 'screentime' of individual pairings (pairing as in literally two people, not a relationship pairing).

So here is a mathematical breakdown of exactly that. The results might shock you!

Let's focus on the unique one-on-one pairings, so for example Chetney and Laudna, or Caleb and Beau, and limit us to PCs. I'll ignore trios and more because those get even more complicated, and the same principle applies.

Let's say that an average episodes takes 4 hours, and about half of it is dedicated to interaction between characters instead of combat, plot related stuff, etc, so about 120 minutes. These numbers are all arbitrary because it is all relative, but an example makes it easier to interpret. Let's also say for the sake of simplicity that each pairing gets allotted the same amount of screentime on average over all episodes.

The M9 had 6 PCs for most of the campaign. This means that there are 5+4+3+2+1= 15 unique pairings. If each pairing gets an equal amount of dedicated screentime, each pairing has 120/15=8 minutes of screentime.

Now take BHs. They usually had 7 PCs which means there are 6+5+4+3+2+1=21 unique pairings. Each has 120/21= 5.7 minutes of screentime.

So for each episode, each pairing of the BH has 2.3 minutes less than or about 70% of the screentime of a pairing in the M9, just because of the number of players.

So what does this mean?

If BH's pairings only have 70% of the M9s screentime, this means that for each M9 epsiode, BHs need 1,4 episode to reach the same amount for each pairing. Reversely, the amount of screentime that the BHs reach at say episode 100, is reached by the M9 as early as episode 70.

So in other words, in the 100 episode we've had of BHs, they've had the same amount of screentime as the Mighty Nein at episode 70.

So while it is true that BH don't talk as much, they also have literally less time to have one-on-one conversations.

Now with Robbie, the party has increased to 8, which gives us 7+...+1=28 unique pairings, which is almost double of the M9. (28 / 15 =1.86). So we need 2 BHs episode for each M9 episode.

Now of course, an episode needs to do more than just people talking to each other: the plot has to progress; plans have to be made; shenanigans have to ensue. But because the run time is limited, this only detracts from the time for individual pairings.

So while discussing BHs interactions, keep in mind that while there is only an increase of 2 players, that means we have twice as much pairings to deal with, and so half as much time for each of them to talk.

(For those curious, if we look at trios, so let's say, Veth-Fjord-Jester or Orym-Dorian-Fearne, it goes from 20 unique combinations for a 6 player party, to 56 unique combinations for a 8 people party. Yeah.)

[everythingdnddd]

You wanna know the most 'maybe I should be concerned for myself' thought I've had in a long time?

I FULLY plan to rewatch Vox Machina eventually to pull all my favorite moments. Like, it seems like such a fun, cozy little idea. And then I remember it's 26,860 minutes long. And that doesn't seem like a huge deal.

Have I mentioned that I'm on episode 106?

*melts into a puddle*

[billy-royalton]

man over 1k hits on passenger is fucking wild i'm a little emotional about it lmao

[tatjanabelych]

Fucking love my math's teacher, she's great :)

[zoekrystall]

I started to bash on german the better I got in english especially regarding dubs (didn't help I was a stereotypical pretentious annoying lil kid) and I am so glad it was likely really just a kid phase bc I am rewatching detective conan in german (and once I hit where they're not getting dubbed anymore I switch to sub bc I do dislike names getting anglicized and I am very glad the ger dub kept the og japanese names, exceptions when I grew up w the anglicized names) and it is so so comfy. The dub is also just plain good imo and the voices are so nice to hear again I am so glad I found a site that got shows in german (ty katrielle layton anime for apparently only being available in japanese and german and me deciding "well I can speak german so why not check it out", nice voice acting but not up my alley).

I do still usually keep away from eng by anime bc I am a sub over dub person and I find most... not that good.. but I stopped to play part in the debate bc I'm sure all VAs try their best. Not for me but if you like em I'm happy for ya. And also in ger it is hit or miss when the og language is eng do I stick to that which is usually the case. Idk if it is just my perception or if it really did but german dubs kinda worsened but who knows maybe I just catched the ones w bad production on that part (reg ops we got nice ones but I was happy to learn others learned abt the one we got for naturo bc. yeah). Like purely anime speaking I think the cartoons and shows on tv are fine. Minus julien bam as sonic in the movies I still can't get over that but no hate towards him I just find the youtuber as voice actor thing always baffling no matter which language (also dislike the celebrity bias in every country. yes that person is famous but do they actually fit that role + voice acting and actor require different skill sets).

I think I started to bash so much on ger bc "og language always better" and sometimes yeah and I do watch if possible in the og w subs so nothing gets lost (that doesn't have to) but where that opinion makes a turn for the worse is if you start to become pretentious about it and everyone who chooses another option is somehow worse than you. Counts for every opinion that obv isn't debating human life. Honestly I adore polls but that's also why people need to zip it with their snarky comments in the answers or also on quizzes, I do have to admit those where op smacks (right answer) or smth on the one that almost no-one clicked on are funny to see though. A bit of banter is fine imo but there are some that are just really not necessary.

Anyways it is kinda funny how I thought one piece would surely get me into anime again bc I do adore it since like kindergarten and it'll forever be in my heart but nope detective conan it is. Ig the aspect of finding out together who the culprit might be is fun next to being able to do other things meanwhile bc I don't have to read. I think I got into conan at age 14? 15? Feels like decades ago though. I don't think I really understood why others rewatch things until now. Like I got it like yeah comfort but not the extend. I always tried not to rewatch bc "I got so much stuff I can't waste time with the same" (<- has replayed okami a lot on wii and now switch while having gaming backlog since forever, replayed bratz the movie on ps2 almost yearly as kid, etc) but I luckily start to go into "who cares" mode fully and it's really nice. I truly get it now.

[svndaysaweek]

Aftermath — {Feat. Kazuha}

1.8k words

A/N: After math is science. Hope y'all like this one too,, Also thanks to everyone for 200 followers and big big support on e^(iπ)+1=0!! I hope I've improved a little. Inclined words are scientific terms so google it if look unfamiliar!!(Certainly will help you understand this)

Tag: Science (?), Loving sex, creampie

******

The ride's finally over. Even before you turn the car off she eagerly hops off. Kazuha opens the door for you.

"Zuha–Owff!"

Now she hops on your arms.

You are suddenly burdened with her body, but not the weight. As if she is violating the law of universal gravitation. Although you weigh her much more than the Earth you two are stepping on—in fact Kazuha isn't—this time Earth just lets her go.

"Carry me inside,"

That famous position—arms around your neck, both legs on your arms, face right in front of yours—and that cliché progress, which is to carry the girl inside and then make love. You follow just that, but with a kiss it's clicheic no more.

You were wrong then, to allege that Kazuha violates the law of universal gravity. You are now pulled into an absorbing kiss, like the light and a black hole, like an apple and the Earth. A kiss that does nothing less than force your eyes shut.

Almost blindly you open the main door to enter her house.

"Which one?"

You detach from the kiss and gaspingly ask her.

"First,"

Inertia—Newton's first law. There's no turning back from here. Even if there's extrinsic force it's from Kazuha, and it only adds positive acceleration to you.

You open the first door you see as told, carry Kazuha to the bed and toss her onto it. Accelerated, you hastily take your shirt off. Kazuha successfully gets rid of your pants and boxers while you take your bare torso out.

A supernova itself—a breathtaking explosion to leave the core only. Kazuha takes her own clothes off, to leave the cruelty of her body only. As she brings her hands behind her back to unclasp her bra, you stop it.

"Let me,"

Chest unlocked.

Without anything to hinder the observation, you now get an immaculate visual on the pulsar. Heat beaming in tandem with her heartbeat is the clue notifying you of her anticipation.

Then the formation of a black hole—your hands are driven wildly toward those breasts. This close to her beautiful mounds, time doesn't make sense. You touch eternity, immortality, permanency, to tip yourself over the event horizon, into oblivion.

Her hot breath steams your face up, and you feel the ultimate need to devour her tits. The inclination to Kazuha's breasts is far above scientific explanation.

It's a lunar globe, you would say, faced with how her spit-glistening tits reflect the dim moonlight. Not so big, not too small. One in your mouth, another grabbed firmly by your hand. You thoroughly clean them both by dirtying them with your saliva, which is flooding with your instinctive intention full of filth.

"Baby, I need you down here."

Kazuha takes your hand softly down to her hot crotch. Her both pairs of lips have their energy right on you. You kneel on the floor to find her gushing core. Kazuha eyes you approval with her lower lip tucked in by her teeth.

Newton's third law—action and reaction. Your tongue presses on her third nub to draw such a raw response. An agonizingly addictive taste blesses your nerves, as Kazuha makes a wild reaction to the electric action you take. She pulls you in and she is definitely being pulled in, too.

Even the slightest actions of your tongue make her reactions go crazy. Her squirming even almost feels like struggle not to reach the wanted high—or the opposite.

"Fuck, baby just like that…It's so good,"

Like the Moon orbiting around the Earth. Like the Earth rotating around the Sun. Your tongue draws an imperfect circle around the very centre of her system. Not too far, not too close—you've found the Goldilocks Zone on her clit.

And as you remember, Goldilocks Zone is where liquid water can exist–

"Haa, I-I'm cumming…!"

Kazuha herself proves it, as she proudly waters your face with her cum. Ironically it tastes fatal. You lap up the remnant of her godly liquid, readying to truly fuck her.

You detach your mouth from her pussy and raise your hand to wipe your mouth but, no.

"Give me a taste,"

She holds your arm from going further and calls you in for a kiss, a wet one. Kazuha needily licks over your mouth with a long, low, satisfied moan, which turns you on too much to let her continue.

So you challenge her.

"Mmm…"

During the kiss you bring your dick to her waiting pussy and rub it on her entrance, collecting the wetness needed. Kazuha's arms slowly lock behind your neck, simultaneously with her legs around your hips.

She bites your lower lip, pleading you to push inside her.

"Mmm–!"

As you smoothly push in your cock, her animalistic response hits back.

Kazuha's entire body is becoming an undeniable proof that Earth is round: Her tongue curls inside your mouth, around yours. Her back arcs upward to form a sexy curve you can't unsee. Just like what Magellan did, you could wrap your arms around her body.

There's only space for you to fill up, but you are pulling back—same reason why Mars retrograde occurs, how heliocentrism was invented. Nothing in the universe works straight, not even light. Things curl, get absorbed, go back, and those are the most basic, the most natural things to happen, even when written rules carry straightness only.

(Besides, to such a perfection of a body, who wouldn't dare to break the rules?)

You gradually up the pace of your pistoning, in the second time of asking—Newton's second law: F=ma. With your accelerated, massive cock making love inside Kazuha, she is forced to cum.

And you've experienced it so, so many times. Tachyon flies slower than you, as you travel back to every night you shared with Kazuha. You are fucking her until time runs backwards, not giving even the slightest bit of fuck to the theory of relativity—actually, you are giving all the fuck to Kazuha right now.

Oh, Be A Fine Girl, Kiss Me. Kazuha's lips always remind you of this phrase. You can't just let them stay idle. She already came once so the main sequence starts now. Like protons undergoing nuclear fission, you two in bed are tangled, synthesized, fused into one—into a totally new individual.

"Come on, baby. You need to cum, too."

Your body that once was over Kazuha's is now reversed and under hers, but again, you feel no weight at all. Like she is the light itself.

With almost no mass, she feels light—maybe that's why it was named that. That however, is not the only reason you compare Kazuha to the light.

The horny side of Kazuha, sexy, hot, wet and curvy. That's a wave. The lovely side of Kazuha, on the other hand, cozy, comfy, cheerful and straight. That's a particle, a photon. The duality you love, you adore. Whenever you notice the deviant changes in her eyes in bed it enlightens you, makes you wonder what her real nature is—that's what even Einstein wouldn't be able to discover, of course.

"God, Zuha… You–"

You bring your hands to her ass to start your thrusts, but then Kazuha stops you by pressing your arms down on the bed.

"Let me."

Hypnotized, you let your arms down in compliance with her direction. She then puts her hands on your heaving chest, readying herself to start riding you.

"I can feel your heart,"

You too. Your head is thumping loudly at your heartbeat, as if your brains are now working as another blood pump. And Kazuha raises its rate so easily.

"How does it feel?"

You ask, putting your hands softly on hers, on your chest.

"I don't know,"

The last thing you see is Kazuha's divine smile, before your eyes are forced shut by her sudden tightness descending to the base of your cock.

You feel her fingers dig into your chest as she gradually accelerates the speed of her ride.

"You, maybe."

You smile and look at her. What a cheesy girl, you think to yourself. And at the same time the lust-filled look on her face is so cute—opposed to what's going on down there.

"Baby…"

Kazuha breathes out her word then halts.

"Go ahead,"

You give her the knowing smile.

"I love you."

Yes. Love. Love is the only correct word to be spoken right now.

Because, as always, you feel how wonderful, how powerful it is. Within just a night you've witnessed so many examples of how easily love ignores laws of physics like they're nothing.

After saying that she never loses eye contact with you as she almost hazardously rides you out. Her tightness is fatal, fatal enough to vitalize your throbbing dick inside.

"I'm close, Zuha… Keep going,"

She knows you are. You try to sit up to kiss her but her arms sternly deny it.

Let me make you cum, her eyes tell you.

You can just stay there, let me serve you, her lips whisper.

Let me pay your love back, Kazuha's love speaks for itself.

You can even hear it, as your ears go numb. You see the ecstasy itself, as your eyes slam shut. You breathe loving words out, as you stop breathing.

"Zuha, I'm cumming…!"

You grab on her ass and begin to pour your seed into her.

"Go on, baby. You deserve it."

Kazuha doesn't stop grinding on you for a little more until you ease down completely. She then climbs down and lies beside you.

That is when you again admire her presence. Her black hair, dark enough to absorb any light except herself. Her blushed face and even redder lips perfecting the angelic façade of hers. Her perky breasts heaving up and down to indicate the intensity of the love between you two. Her toned, tight abs, wet crotch and both silky legs that are on yours.

How did I even end up next to this girl?

She deserves much more love than I can possibly give her.

"Zuha, I–"

Lack of strength out of the aftermath haze blocks you.

"Go ahead,"

This time she throws a knowing smile back to you.

You can only laugh at this moment. Kazuha being such a perfect partner, you can't help but say–

"I love you, Zuha."

Beside her is the best place on the planet, you could proudly announce.

You look at her in awe, and she turns her head to you with a grin.

"What, wanna go for another round?"

[centrally-unplanned]

How relevant is my friend sending data of men being sexual molesters/murderers (even including from different countries than ours) when I told her I'd take a random man on the whole random man or bear on a hiking trail. Also how does one do the math on that???

You don't, that is the trap! You, by the thousands, encounter "men on the trail" every day of your life. You encounter them in alleys, on the way to the bathroom, in quiet restaurants. If you actually go hiking you encounter them hiking by the hundreds. This is a made-up threat to scaremonger people, you already know random men you see in the world are not dangerous. To the extent that any are the given odds for 1 guy are so low as to not be worth considering.

Honestly it is true of the bear, too. Depends on the context & bear of course, but the median encounter with a black bear is 2 seconds of staring and 5 seconds of running away. They aren't particularly violent animals. Because they are wild animals it is still more dangerous of course, don't approach bears y'all, but doing the math is like asking someone "what is more dangerous, a squirrel or a pigeon?" Like I could figure out a way to answer that, but in trying you have already lost; you bought into the fake premise of this being worthy of your time.

[starlightandroses]

Height Comparisons for the Wild Life Fan-Creators

So, that session 1 tho. Lotta height weirdness! And I can already tell this is gonna be hell for trying to determine where characters are in a space, so I did the math so y'all don't have to!

Of course there's definitely more than 1 way to do things, so if you don't like my math, don't use it! I'm also not a mathmatician so if my numbers are wrong pls let me know~

So where do we start?

Original heights, of course! Specifically, the original height of none other than Minecraft Steve himself.

Each minecraft block is a 1x1x1 meter cube, and Steve (and therefore all other cubitos) are exactly 2 blocks tall. This leaves Steve (and therefore the rest of the cubitos) at a default of about 6'5-6'6 feet tall.

Step 2 is where the shrinkage comes in. We know from the Sub One Crew that the smallest height possible is half a block, so 50 centimeters. The largest height possible, from what I can gather, is 6 blocks, so 6 meters, leaving a height range from 1'6-19'7 feet.

But, we can also go a little further~

With the way characters move and the fact that none of the characters really did proper experimental testing, it's hard to say how much height exactly is added per jump or per crouch.

So, I figured it'd be easier to just call it one pixel per jump or per crouch. (Crouching in reality is a bit more complicated because you can hold it down, but for the sake of easy math I'm just going to count the crouches the same as the jumps.)

Each minecraft block has a 16x16 grid of pixels on each side. If each jump adds a pixel and each crouch removes one, then that would be adding/losing 6.25 cm per jump/crouch, or roughly 2.46 inches. So... Not that much of a difference in the grand scheme of things.

This does mean, by these calculations, that getting from normal height to the minimum would take 24 crouches, and getting from normal height to the maximum would take about 64 jumps. And therefore, getting from max to min or min to max would be 88 crouches or jumps depending on which direction you're going in.

Yikes that's a workout-

Hopefully this helps put things a little bit into perspective when it comes to these cubitos and their height weirdness!

Here's hoping that session 2 involves a lot less math XD

[roach-pizza]

Y'all. Teenagers being TERFs is wild, like really? Children gonna sit here and claim that transWOMEN aren't real women when they themselves aren't women.

Don't you got math homework or something to do? How about harass the parents who probably regret keeping your ass around.

[neptune-scythe]

Do you ever think about how Kaz making sure Inej is reunited with her brother is so he doesn't have to deal with his own grief?

Hear me out

Obviously he cares about Inej and wants her to have her family back and that's his main focus, or at least his main focus consciously

But here's the thing

They're mirrors of each other. Two people who lost brothers, Kaz's is gone forever ... But inej's is still out there (probably). Now we all know Kaz has never dealt with his grief, and probably barely even acknowledges it, mostly because he doesn't know how. That's not something people just ... Know how to do, grief is a process and if you don't have a single other person to help you or even be the slightest bit supportive it's going to be nearly impossible to grieve in a healthy way. Let alone being in a constant state of survival mode having to watch your back all the time because you're a kid in a very dangerous place and pretty much ever single person is an enemy, or at least not someone trustworthy or helpful. But I hella digress my bad

My point is Kaz hasn't dealt with the loss of his brother (why have I not used his name once? Bitch idfk my bad Jordie you deserve better bestie), which was a meaningless death. And by that I mean Jordie didn't sacrifice himself for some cause, he wasn't a casualty of a greater issue ... He just died. Because that what people do.

And especially for a kid who's all alone with not a single soul left on the earth who gives a damn about him, that's a pretty tricky concept to grasp. That your whole world, the most imporant person in your life could just die ... Just be completely gone in a moment. Thus why Kaz immediately blames Pekka and devotes his life to revenge, even though Pekka was only indirectly involved in Jodie's death. But blaming Pekka gives his death a meaning, it means there's something he can do to make it mean something.

Once again super digressed from my main point whoopsieeee. Hope y'all are enjoying the wild ride of my thoughts rn (I'm literally just stream of consciousness writing this shit, and for shits and giggles imma leave it that way no edits this is a first draft post you're welcome)

N E WAY

Jodie's death WAIT A SECOND HOW MANY TIMES HAS IT AUTOCORRECTED TO JODIE 💀

I'll never know because I'm not rereading this shit

Anyway

JORDIE's death meant nothing, and Kaz's revenge on Pekka didn't give it meaning either ... Which he probably knew deep down that it wouldn't. But those are the kinds of thoughts we ✨silence✨ because we need the rage for vengeance to keep us alive and doing things.

Now back to Inej and Harij.

Reuniting them will for Kaz make his own situation mean something (in my opinion don't at me these my head canon thoughts). That even though he can't bring his own brother back, he can bring back hers. And knowing that they're together will make his own grief a little easier to bear. It balances it out, if you will.

Two brothers lost, one brother found. Good math

OK BUT ALSO HAVE YOU CONSIDERED

Harij is Inej's younger brother

So consider Kaz is doing it as much for him as for Inej. He's making sure another little boy (he's obviously not a little boy anymore but like ... He was 12 ((idk how old he'd be know)) and that's plenty young) doesn't have to lose his older sibling forever.

And also consider

Kaz knows he doesn't deserve Inej, he knows he most likely won't always have her ... And more importantly she won't always have him.

He won't always be able to protect her, to keep her safe. But her brother could. Her brother could be there for her and her support her and even do a far better job (probs idk what bros personality is like but I bet Kaz Brekker is assuming shit too) than Kaz could. So by reuniting her with her brother he's making sure she's taken care of, that even if he lets her down, she'll never be alone.

Because real talk her

Y'all are allowed to have your head canons and shit I am NOT gatekeeping

But canonically Kaz Brekker is not the jealous or possessive type. If Inej wanted to leave him for someone else he'd be upset yeah but he's knows full well Inej is a living Saint and worth far more than he could ever deserve in a billion lifetimes, and he's also far more concerned with her happiness and well-being than what she can provide for him.

So he'd be satisfied being away from her, not knowing a single thing about her life, as long as he knows her brother is there with her.

He doesn't need to take care of her, he just needs to know that she is taken care of.

I rest my case

Send tweet

Thank you for coming to my TedTalk 🫡

(addition because I did actually reread it and damn I somehow forgot my entire point???

So yeah

About him using reuniting Harij and Inej as a way to avoid dealing with his grief.

It's like this

Brother dies

Kaz goes straight to revenge, never actually processes any of it, just jumps straight into making Pekka pay for it ... Which tbh is dealing with it in a sense but it's in a very passive way of going straight to doing without ever processing ... If that makes sense.

And that's repaying violence with violence, which leads to more violence. It's a cycle of destruction that Kaz is playing into, which is very hard to get out of once it starts.

But reuniting Harij and Inej is a break in that cycle. It's Kaz using his own pain as motivation and incentive to do something that will heal others. And making sure that neither Inej nor Harij get caught in the same cycle as Kaz did, it's using his own knowledge of that cycle to protect others from it. And more specifically, he doesn't know how to heal himself, he doesn't know how to move on or process and grieve, he doesn't know how to leave the cycle ... So he's helping Inej and Harij heal from their pain instead, and making sure they never enter the cycle.

Because he probably is well aware that revenge isn't the healthiest way to channel grief (but bro doesn't care because Pekka needs to be put in his place and we stan him for that), but channeling it into helping someone he loves is healthy.

And real talk here

Kaz probably believes he will never move on or heal from Jordie's death. Thus him being trapped in the ouroboros of suffering ... And go with me here.

If we view the ouroboros (snake eating its own tail if y'all don't know) as a literal scenario Kaz is trapped in, it's a mental prison basically, and one he has accepted that he will never leave. His fate is sealed, and he can't do anything to save himself from that.

BUT even if he can't ever break out of the ouroboros, he can keep others out, he can't save himself but he can save others from being trapped there as well.

And because of this he won't have to deal with the fact that he's trapped, he can focus all his energy on keeping others out ... And it gives it meaning. That even though he's trapped forever and can't do anything for himself, he can do something for other people because of it. Because the only way to avoid the ouroboros is if someone inside warns you.

That was a wild metaphor I hope that made sense lol

Also once again these are my head canons and I wrote it from Kaz's perspective so to speak, so when I say things like He cAn NEVer HeAl that's because that's what he thinks (imo) not what is objectively true. Healing is absolutely possible and bro can get it he just doesn't know it yet.)

[scarlettgauthor]

His Sacred Incantations NOW IN AUDIOBOOK FORM!

(Y'all I basically had to fistfight Adobe Premiere in an alley to get that preview made, please clap.)

Yes, Tumblr! It's happening! It has happened! The His Sacred Incantations audiobook is finally available, and you're hearing about it now! Fifteen hours of femdom fantasy adventure coming straight to your earholes! Bondage! Pegging! A really cool fight with a necromancer! At least one dragon! This story has everything, and now you can listen to it!

I am so, so delighted that Martin Martinez was willing to come back for the second book to complete Lucían and Glory's story. When I'm reviewing the audiobooks I no longer hear a narrator doing a voice, I just hear Lucían and Glory's voices, which is an incredible testament to Martin's performance. He had a fantastic time reading this (which I know for a fact because he reached out to me to say these were his favorite books he's never narrated) and that comes across in the audio. 

Some narrators might be intimidated by a book that's 25% sex scene by volume (I did the math once) but not Martin! He put his whole ass and libido into reading the kink scenes, and then Antoine Bandele of AB Book Services took his raw reading and added musical stings and special effects that really elevate the entire auditory experience. It's truly everything I could possibly have wanted from an audiobook.

Also! In celebration of the book being available, I'm putting the His Secret Illuminations audiobook on sale on my website for 50% off! Grab both at a savings, and settle in for thirty whole hours of Martin's wonderful voice and my wild story.

Where can I buy it?

Right now? Just on my website! It's been submitted to Audible and also for wider distribution through Author's Republic, but those take time to percolate through the system and my website is almost immediate! 

As with the His Secret Illuminations audiobook, I had to break it into five parts in order to get around the file size limit. Everything I sell through my website is DRM free, and I get the entire cover price instead of only 25-50%. It's the best way to directly support me, and once you have it, you own the files and no one can take them away from you.

More retailers will be coming soon, but as Patrons you get the direct link and the first announcement!

How can I help out?

Spread the word about the audio book! Y'all have the sneak peek, but I'll be sharing this on social media in the next couple of days. Like, reskeet, reblog, reshare, leave good reviews of the audio book where appropriate--all of that is a huge help to me, someone who is her own marketing department. Also, as mentioned in a previous update, I just left my day job, so writing is now my only income. Word of mouth has been my most valuable tool, so I want to thank every one of you who has ever recommended my books to a friend! You're helping keep weird art alive!

Grab the recording, and settle in for a horny weekend, Patrons!

[itsmattchou]

cause you make it better !

pairing: zb1 maknae line x gn!reader warnings: yujin + reader are in highschool, yujin and gunwooks sections are a little longer for some odd reason, cursing, english isn't my first language!!!, i guess that was it genre: fluff synopsis: reverse icks with the zb1 boys. notes: WEEKLY UPLOADS YEAHH🔥🔥 the crowd goes wild fr. part 1 is cute but hyung line version🤭🤭 feeding y'alls deluluness fr STAY TUNED

shen quanrui the two of you are on a date in the city. eating ice cream, doing some shopping- ricky insisted on spoiling you- and then just wandering through the streets talking about whatever comes to mind. while walking ricky noticed that your shoelaces became untied, he told you to stop for a second and kneeled down to tie them for you. that alone let your breath hitch, but when he looked up and had THAT look on his face? your heartbeat skipped several beats.

him tying your shoelaces and looking up at you.

kim gyuvin silly boyfriend here. he wanted to take you out on a fancy dinner date and really wanted you two to dress up fancy as if you were going to a fucking wedding or something. you were getting ready in the bathroom as gyuvin called out for you, his voice desperate. you found him in your bedroom, a tie in his hand and a big pout on his lips. "i may or may not need you to help me with the tie, y/n..." you really couldn't contain a smile at that sight.

him not being able to tie his tie alone and you helping him.

park gunwook gunwook took you to the cinema to watch a movie you wanted to watch since the first trailer dropped. he insisted on driving you back home after the movie ended and as a thank you for the wonderful date, you gave him a little suprise hug. mind you- you haven't been dating for that long (2 months) and weren't big on pda yet and you weren't sure if gunwook would mind or not. but by the way his heartbeat sped up the second your arms wrapped around his torso and your head hit his chest, or by the way his face was flushed bright red when you pulled away, he probably didn't mind it that much.

you hugging him and hearing his heartbeat speed up.

han yujin he may be your boyfriend, but first and foremost he's still your best friend. his company makes everything better; even the most dreadful and boring math class becomes bearable thanks to him. it was the last period of the day and yujin has claimed your non dominant hand while you were busy taking your (and yujins…) notes. a weird feeling on your hand however made you stop in your tracks; yujin was doodling a bunch of hearts onto your skin. he shot you his cute, innocent signature smile once he realized you were watching him.

him drawing onto the back of your hand.

[pinksugarscrub]

Heartstrings

Hobie Brown x Black Cat! fem! reader

Recap: Before, you hated the constant lessons. English, math, science. All centered around culture and the history of man. It was unbearable until…it wasn’t. Until you saw him. His voice cracking as he sang and his fingers missing every other chord on his borrowed guitar.  That’s when you finally understood what she meant.  Art, is freedom.

Part(s) 1, 2, ???

Word count: 1k+ (figured I should give y'all a warning)

London’s Black Cat was infamous. The name was etched into billboards, posters, buildings—you name it. But they never really piqued Hobie’s interest. Sure, they defiled government property like any good rebel would but their pieces weren’t really his style.

Usually softer and centered around nature. It wasn’t until he overheard a conversation between locals (more specifically the florist who lived on Eton Avenue) that he re-evaluated his thought process. Apparently, flowers had a language. A secret code.

Irises were a symbol of hope but Begonias? Begonias a warning and aloe vera a sign of grief. Who knew plants could be so...intense. Right?

The artist was trying to be subtle. Hobie could respect that. Not everyone had the privilege of being bitten by a radioactive spider.

The more messages he decoded--- courtesy of the little blue book titled 'botany' webbed to his side---the more he wanted to find them. The Black Cat. He was going to go crazy if he didn't! But whether he asked as Hobie Brown or Spiderman, no one knew who you were. What you looked like. Your real name.

No one ever witnessed their escapades. The only evidence she or he ever left behind (aside from colorful depictions of life) was money. In the form of actual physical cash or banned books and records. Things only the rich and powerful owned. Knew about.

It almost felt like- no, it was a wild goose chase. But it was the only solid lead he had on something else that had been pestering him for a while.

For months now, mostly during his impromptu shows. He was always finding things. Like guitar strings, picks, and on occasion, food. In the oddest places too. His guitar case, the pockets of his jackets and vests.

He had to find them. He had to know if it was them looking out for him the way he did for the rest of the city.

He just didn’t expect it to be today and for her, to be so… feisty. You truly did live up to the name.

“What do you want with me?” You repeat.

Hobie grins, biting on his cheek to hold back his almost comical giggles. “What makes you think I want to do something bad to you love? I could have if I wanted to y’know? Back turned to me and all.”

His eyes rake your form and you seem to tense even more at his words and before he’s realized it you have him falling for you. Quite literally. You’ve swiped your leg under his but before he can hit the ground you catch him by the fabric of his suit. So much for a Spider-sense, right?

Wrong.

Hobie’s elated once he’s realized one simple thing. You don’t intend to hurt him. After such a public display of strength he has no doubt you could snap him like a twig if you wanted to but, you don’t. (Well, not really considering he can lift a car without breaking so much as a sweat but that’s beside the point-)

“How long have you been watching me?” You hiss.

“You gonna keep asking questions darling? Because if you haven’t noticed-” Hobie motions to your arm with his chin,“-You can’t keep this up for much longer.”

And he’s right. Your arm is shaking because damn if this isn’t the heaviest man you’ve held over the edge of a building. What makes matters worse is that he seems to be enjoying this and you’re not sure how much more social interaction you can take.

You should really carry a gun around or something. Unloaded of course. You’re not an animal.

Without a second thought, you tug him forward and he stumbles but you think it’s mostly for your benefit so your ego isn’t crushed. He is six-foot tall boy? No... his voice is too deep for that.

You sigh, stalking over to your bag and with a quick swipe of your hand it’s over your shoulder. “If you’re just going to waste my time I’m leaving.” With a mock bow of your head, arm outstretched. You begin to turn back. Already grumbling under your breath when an irritating voice interrupts.

“Forgetting something love?”

It takes everything within you not to just jump off the building. Slowly, you look over your shoulder and you pale under your hood.

Hobie meanwhile is entertained by how pissed off he seems to make you every five seconds. He shakes the blue envelope in his hand. Bringing it to his ear, or where it should be. You can't tell with the mask. “So where do you get all em’ riches hm?”

“You must be pretty smart to be robbing coppers.” He laughs as you lunge for the cash. Easily holding it over your head. “Or maybe even the president.” Enunciating the ‘t’ so his lips made a popping sound.

“Give it back!” You cry. Jumping to reach his elbow and tug it down. “Dumb Spider- how does anyone put up with you!"

“Quite well I’d say.”

He is unfazed by this constant movement while you’re left panting. Your breath hitting below his neck as you’re too short to reach his face. Then it happens.

You don’t know whether to toss the poor sod off or melt because he’s holding you so gently you feel like a feather. It occurs to you it’s been a long time since you’ve hugged someone and when was the last time someone looked so deeply into your eyes?

Hobie’s voice is a low whisper when he repeats his earlier phrase ‘cat got your tongue’. His fingers brush against the line of your jaw and you feel your heart lurch in your chest.

Your goggles are tinted but he can make out the faint outline of your eyes. He starts to wonder if you would be terribly upset with him if he just...slipped them off.

“Oi!”

You snap out of your daze and direct your attention downward to see the familiar shade of blue of an officer. A "keeper of the peace".

“Well shi-”

You don’t give either of the two in your company time to think as you strategically drop a can of paint which then explodes into a collision of colors.

Hobie lets out a few choice words as pink paint splatters on his vest.

-

When Hobie gets home, or to the place he currently calls home, he’s exhausted. Cursing under his breath as he shrugs off his ruined denim vest. The pins clacking against his makeshift table.

“Bloody cat,” he huffs. Striping his mask off like it's toxic and tossing it on top of his growing pile. His lips so wide in a grin his neighbors would think him insane.

He whistles as he passes by the kitchen (if you can even call it that). Fliers for his next gig strewn about the counter. “Ay Reggie, where are you boy?”

A tiny patter of feet is the only indication said beast heard him. As Hobie waits for him to appear he begins sifting through the mess of papers to try and find that coupon for Joe’s pizza. He doesn't support capitalism but Joe doesn't charge him a cent so is it truly fueling the unjust financial system of Oscorp? The coupon is just for the sake of appearances. No one else knows of his contributions to the rebellion.

He feels a nudge to his leg and when he turns he’s greeted with Reginald aka Reggie. “There you are! Where you been hiding hm?” He chuckles as he scratches behind the beagle’s ear.

Reggie slowly blinks before sauntering off. The studded collar around his neck jingling in addition to the silver tag at the center.

“And where do you think you’re going?” He shrugs to no one in particular before following behind the old dog. Pushing off the counter with a curious look. He stops short as Reggie abruptly turns back. Arching his brow at him before he catches sight of the envelope in his mouth. A blue envelope.

“Well I’ll be damned…” Bending down he takes the envelope from Reggie with his jaw dropped. Sifting through the thick wad of cash with his thumb. Exhaling through his nose before looking back down at Reggie. "This is enough to buy us that boat cross' town."

His shock turns into glee as his mind catches up with him. "She knows me," he laughs. "She knows Hobie Brown."

He jumps up excitedly as he throws the cash onto the counter. Lifting Reggie up as he eyes the fliers with a newfound vigor. The set date practically popping out of the pages. "Silly girl doesn't know what she's gotten herself into. I'm going to find her again and when I do-"

Reggie yawns as he watches Hobie cackle like a madman.

[memberment]

Genesis

Good morning everyone.

Now I have done something a little funny.... If you take a peak you'll see minor edits were made to the prologue...

But nothing's different!

That's a lie. I did not fix a grammatical or spelling error. Something was in fact, added in. But the only way to find it is using outside the box thinking since you can't just read it. You gotta do something to read it.

Because I. Am. Silly.

I will drop a hint though because y'all listen to my existential screams and indulge my nonsense on a regular basis and I love and appreciate that. Empty spaces in between paragraphs usually cannot be highlighted. Happy hunting if you're nosy.

Okay I'm done speaking in crypticism and riddles. Seriously someone take my computer away because I had the computer intellect of a boomer with enough lead in them to kill several horses last night and now I'm getting a hang of coding and THAT SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED LMFAO

Also updates are gonna be here today but it's prob gonna be primarily art updates BECAUSE I WANT THIS FIRST CHAP OUT ON SUNDAY FR!!!

6:33 I am HOPING all I need to do is fix a few more things in this and then I'm done (but my pencil died so I'm back to writing).

Anyways writing update: I just finished 11 (which honestly might get moved to like 12/13/14 depending on everything. Because Clyde going on a date with Kenny and then NOTHING happening after that but there is also no immediate danger so there's nothing to stop it feels wild and not right.) BUT 11 IS DONE! And I'm at 35.9k.

GUYS how are we feeling about this bc I DONT KNOW LMAO

1:45 update: I am 38k deep and still on 12. I didn't write much today. BUT NO ONE LET ME FORGET I NEED TO ADD SOMETHING INTO THE PROLOGUE. I DON'T WANNA DO THE MATH RIGHT NOW BUT NO ONE LET ME FORGET!!!!

2:26 NEVERMIND I FUCKING DID IT OH MY GOD. THIS IS GONNA BE SUCH A JAW DROPPING MOMENT WHEN IT CLICKS I'M SO HYPED OH MY GODDDDDDDD

Oh also I'm probs shutting down for the night at 38.4k. 12 is almost done but so is my ability to write because even though I only wrote a teeny bit, I REALLY WANNA FINISH DRAWING HEIDI!!1 (I'm at the trust the process point where I just have line art and I feel like if I don't finish it I'm gonna throw up and I have to wake up early tm.)

Hi happy almost 430 I just gotta do her background 🥳🥳 (I HAVE BEEN DYING TO DRAW THE SANA FUTABA FIT I AM SO HAPPY RN)

[thefantasticaldianadiane]

The response to the Watcher announcement has absolutely baffled me

People are acting like they are trying this funding model in order to pay of 3rd houses and maseratis rather than keep their business afloat. I get streaming service fatigue but things are going a little far.

Like bro sorry if you like the content and want it to exist, then you agree that people should work to do that. I saw people complaining about them doing this when they have a patreon already. Did you miss the fact there are 25 employees? How do you think they're eating? If you were to do the math, assuming that every patron was buying at the highest tier, you would still not be making a "comfortable" wage in the city of los angeles, let alone covering operating costs.

Also not to sound like a boomer but $60 annually? That's the price of 9 of my special little bubble tea treats? That is 4 hours of my labour at my part-time student job (I just googled minimum wage in the USA and so I respectfully rescind this point as coming from a place of ignorant privilege as it is literally like 1/2 of the min wage here)? Times are hard and I am not going to diss anyone for sticking to a budget but y'all are acting like they are selling hand-made, artisan, single use paper towels for $100 a pop. Its disappointing not to be able to afford little treats. I empathize with that, but to see people denigrating the value of the products they were just enjoying 1 week ago because there is now a price tag on it that they think is "too high" is WILD to me.

[respectthepetty]

We need to talk about Joke

Another week of @slayerkitty and I getting in our clown car and getting lost in this "Hidden" Agenda

Why did this episode feel so strange?!

Why is Joke so intense all the time?

WHY?!

Why does this entire family look scared?! FIX Y'ALLS FACES!

And what the fee-fi-fo-fuck does this mean, sir?!

Who died once upon a time that got this entire family so pressed?!

We are about to rewatch this entire series because the math just ain't mathing. Director Tee stays throwing wild plot pivots at us (freshy contest, stalker, Puen, Wave x Trin). We know this! This isn't our first rodeo, but something is not right here with Joke.

He didn't want to spend his birthday with his family. Zo had to push him to go home rather than stay with him after they won. Nobody responded to Joke's texts. He was crying watching videos of his mom and grandma being proud of him. He only chills with his grandma. AND he is always in hyper-protective mode over Zo.

Kitty, set the GPS! We got a week to get this figured out! Is Joke a stalker? Did a dear friend of his die? Or are we just like totally buggin'?