#this man is queer and he knows he's queer and yet his best friend falling asleep in his arms makes him question his sexuality?

[queerdiazs]

wip wednesday, teehee

i was tagged ny @eddiediaztho, @hippolotamus, @exhuastedpigeon, @wikiangela, @daffi-990, and @jesuisici33, mwah

have a sorta long snippet of hoa eddie finally starting to figure his shit out. he's a fucking loser. i love him.

Once Buck’s drifted off to sleep, snug and relaxed under the big blanket, Eddie rolls over and grabs his phone off the nightstand. He opens one eye, turns the brightness all the way down, clicks onto the browser, and types am i gay quiz in the search bar.  Dozens of links pop up. He clicks on the first one, marks the answers that resonate the most with him, and frowns when his results of 89% straight flash on the screen with a sullen face.  “What the fuck does that even mean?” he mumbles and then, with a fierceness that crinkles his brow, clicks off the quiz and finds another.  He takes seven more, each a little more deranged than the last, and throws his phone to the hardwood floor when he gets his eighth variation of Unfortunately, you aren’t gay! because he’s upset. It thuds loud and heavy, and slides face up all the way to his closet; the screen shines bright like a little flashlight, illuminating the corner.  Eddie huffs, flops onto his back, crosses his arms over his chest, and pouts.  How dare those quizzes diagnose him heterosexual? Yeah, sure, he has a preference for feminine-presenting people, but he’s had plenty of cock to know he’s not straight, too, and being in heterosexual-passing relationships don’t make him any less queer. He’s worked too damn hard to accept himself, selfishly and fearlessly and totally, to let a few quizzes invalid him.  Which—why was he taking the quizzes in the first place? He knows he’s queer and he doesn’t need a pompous test on the Internet to tell him so, Christ. He’s acting like a lovestruck kid with his first crush on another boy.  The absurdity of the situation makes him giggle. He swipes a hand over his face to muffle his laughter, but his body shakes, so near Buck’s, and it rouses Buck around. Eddie sobers and shuts his eyes, feigning sleep.  It doesn’t work.  This must be how Christopher feels when it’s past his negotiated bedtime of midnight.  Buck murmurs, a pitiful noise, and snuffles close. “Eddie?” He noses along Eddie’s shoulder until he has his face stuffed in Eddie’s throat, right where his pulse throbs. “Wha’s goin’ on? Heard a noise.”  “It’s fine,” he says, wrapping Buck up in his arms and pulling him in, until he’s nearly laid out atop Eddie’s body. His weight feels nice, solid and sturdy. “Go back to sleep.”  Buck smacks his lips, puffs his stinky breath in Eddie’s face, and sighs. “M’kay.” He cuddles in, nestling up over Eddie’s body like three’s no other place in the world he wants to be, and goes still. “Nighty night.”  Eddie exhales. “Night, Buck,” he says, setting his chin on top of Buck’s head and running his fingers through Buck’s sweaty, frizzy hair.  He looks at his phone in the corner one last time and wonders if there are any quizzes on the Internet that might help him figure out if he’s in love with his best friend before he eventually dozes off, too, wrapped up tight beneath Buck’s big body. 

no pressure tagging @wildlife4life, @watchyourbuck, @callmenewbie, @thewolvesof1998, @try-set-me-on-fire, @shitouttabuck, @folk-fae, @fortheloveofbuddie, @eowon, @giddyupbuck, @honestlydarkprincess, @ladydorian05, @loserdiaz, @callaplums, @mysteriouslyyounggalaxy, and whoever else wants to share something <3

[stardustvanfleet]

Rediscovery — Josh Kiszka x F!Sapphic!Reader

SMUT. 18+ ONLY! MDNI!!!

Pairing: Josh Kiszka x F!Sapphic!Reader

Word Count: 10k

Summary: Your crush on your best friend, Josh, has been becoming harder and harder to ignore. There’s only one thing holding you back from admitting your feelings— most of your experience has been with other women, and you know that Josh’s history is equal and opposite, having mostly been with other men. But after one of your usual nights out, aided by a few drinks and a joint, things are finally coming to the surface. And you’re about to rediscover everything, together.

Warnings: Friends to lovers smut with switchy!Josh. Oral (m & f receiving), fingering/handjob, unprotected sex, dirty talk. Both the F!reader and Josh are written as explicitly queer in this fic.

A/N: This might be one of the most self-indulgent fics I’ve ever written… and I couldn’t be more excited to finally share it with everyone after spending the last few months working on it. I’ve noticed that even though there’s a huge sapphic community in the Peaceful Army, there aren’t a lot of fics written from the perspective of an explicitly queer woman! I absolutely poured my heart into this one and I have some amazing friends I need to thank for the endless encouragement and inspiration. My best friend, @sinsofstardust — thank you for all the hours of discussion that lead to SO many incredible ideas. I love you ENDLESSLY!!! I also want to give HUGE thanks to my loves, @jakesguitarsolo @losfacedevil @kenobicoffee for being my beta readers and giving me the motivation I needed to finish writing 10,000 words… I love all of you SO much 🤍

FIC BEGINS BELOW THE CUT!

//

There was just something about Josh Kiszka.

Maybe it was the way he seemed to radiate a kind of warm, exuberant energy; one that was impossible to ignore from the moment he walked into the room. Maybe it was the little gap between his teeth when he grinned that you’d found yourself immediately drawn to, or those wide, sparkling brown eyes. There could have been a hundred reasons, and, in truth, it was more than likely that there were that many— and then some.

Regardless of what had caused it, the fact that you had a rapidly developing crush on your best friend was becoming harder and harder to push into the back of your mind.

You and Josh had met almost a year ago now. One of your favorite bars downtown had karaoke nights on Thursdays, and on a whim, you had come in after a particularly stressful day at work. You weren’t planning on doing anything but sip your drink and listen to strangers perform their favorite songs, but to your surprise, the curly-haired man sitting next to you at the bar had struck up a conversation so easily and naturally you couldn’t help but fall comfortably into chatting with him. The two of you had a lot of things in common, with a similar love of music and an interest in meditation. And when he told you he was going to go up and sing, he offered his arm as an invitation, which you gladly took, leaving you blown away by his voice as he covered Adele better than anyone you’d ever heard. The two of you had spent the entire night talking, and had exchanged numbers with the intention of hanging out some more, and over the next several months, you two had become incredibly close. And yet— there was one important caveat that, beyond his standard affectionate touches, had kept things between you and Josh entirely platonic.

One of the biggest things that you and Josh had bonded over during your numerous deep conversations was the similar way you both seemed to experience your sexualities. Like Josh, you didn’t put a label on yourself, finding that the way you felt love and attraction to be hard to pinpoint under one term, but the majority of the lovers you’d had throughout your life had been other women. Josh’s history was both equal and opposite, with his experience mostly having been with other men. Being queer was something that was extremely important to both of you, and you knew that. And yet, throughout it all, the increasing feelings you held for Josh were growing stronger and stronger. Eating you alive. Burning into your mind and body.

Talking to Josh was always so easy. So why did it feel so impossible to breach this particular topic?

//

It had been another one of your frequent nights out with Josh. The two of you had gotten into a routine of meeting up at least once a week for drinks and a joint or two, and it quickly became evident to you that spending time with Josh was undoubtedly the highlight of your week. Knowing you’d be able to sit with him, laughing and joking and talking about everything that had stressed you out over the past several days, had become a thought that would get you through even the most difficult times. You tried not to linger too hard on what this could possibly mean for you and your heart, and instead let yourself just try to enjoy the present moment with the ethereal man sitting beside you on the couch.

It was late, very late. Tonight, you’d met up with Josh at a local bar that he had introduced you to a few months earlier, one that was only a few blocks from his apartment. His neighborhood was easy to get to from where you worked, but it was admittedly somewhat out of the way from where you lived. By the time the two of you left the bar, the trains had stopped running, and Josh had insisted that you shouldn’t have to pay a small fortune for an Uber when he had a perfectly good spare room in his apartment.

Josh’s apartment was just as cozy and inviting as he was, and his living room featured a low coffee table surrounded by beanbags and large floor cushions. The couch was pressed back against a cream-white wall decorated with prints and paintings that surely all had a story behind them, framed by the glow of string lights and the numerous plants both lining the walls and hanging from the ceiling. He had immediately offered you one of his t-shirts, and a pair of his own pajama pants that fit you surprisingly well, given that you were both of similar height.

And now, here you were, sitting side-by-side with Josh on his couch as he lit up a joint, with one of his favorite records playing softly on the turntable in the corner. The domesticity of the moment was not lost on you— the clothes you had borrowed still smelled like him, his intoxicating androgynous scent of spicy bergamot and soft jasmine. You both had already had several drinks over the course of the night, and Josh’s cheeks had flushed to a familiar rosy pink that signified his tipsiness. As of right now, all of your energy was going towards not letting your gaze linger on how beautiful he looked. On how hard your heart was beating.

As Josh took a long drag from the joint, his eyes fluttered shut, and you felt your heart skip a beat, unable to stop yourself from watching him. You were still gazing at him when his eyes slowly opened through his long exhale, the cloud of smoke intertwining with the plumes rising from the incense he had burning on the coffee table. He turned to face you as he cleared his throat a little, giving you an affectionate smile and holding out the joint for you to take, which you gladly accepted. Your fingers brushed his as he passed it to you, and you tried to ignore the way the contact made your brain start to buzz.

Now Josh was watching you as you took your hit, his eyes already a little glazed over as the high began to settle in. That was when he spoke, using his favorite pet name for you that you liked far too much to ever admit. “Doin’ alright, mama? Hope I’ve been a good host, though if I haven’t, I’ll be blaming the Fireball.”

You couldn’t help but laugh a little as you exhaled your first hit, nodding towards Josh and managing a grin as you said, “Josh, I promise, you’d be a better host blackout drunk than most people would be sober.”

His face lit up at your words, and he let out a laugh of his own as he replied, “I’ll be sure to hold you to that statement if I manage to set the whole damn place on fire,” his eyes lazily following the plumes of smoke you had exhaled before his gaze fell back on you when you giggled, his pupils blown wide in the low light.

“Okay, now that sounds like you,” you teased, moving to pass the joint back to Josh. As the familiar hazy feeling began to settle over your mind and body, you found yourself inching just a bit closer to him as he took it from between your fingertips, bringing it to his lips with a smirk and a twinkle in his eye as you continued, “Well, if it comes to it, I’ll make sure to implement an accidental-house-fire clause in my perfect host assessment…”

“I wouldn’t expect anything less,” he grinned, the joint dangling between his teeth as he did so, and when his mouth suddenly closed around the end to pull a deep hit, the sight of his plush, puckered lips sucking around the joint was enough to make your head spin. He held the smoke in for a moment, before pulling the joint from his lips with two fingers, letting his jaw fall slack and exhaling the smoke in one large cloud, a sight so effortlessly sexy it made your breath catch in your throat. Josh turned to you, and you thanked your lucky stars that any difficulties you were having finding your breath could be chalked up to the smoke now beginning to accumulate in the room. His head cocked to the side just slightly as he looked over at you, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips, his eyes having grown heavy-lidded as the weed began to take its effect. “Well, I’ll say tonight’s adventure got us off to an interesting start…”

You began to giggle again, memories of the evening you two had enjoyed so far flashing through your mind. Overall, it had been another fun and relaxed night out, with you and Josh having met at the bar and recounted how the past week had gone in your usual playful fashion, delving into the stress you’d been dealing with at work and his frustrations with his brothers through overdramatic storytelling and a lot of inside jokes.

After you two had been out for an hour or two and were beginning to feel pleasantly tipsy, two people had sat down at the small high-top table beside yours— a guy and a girl that looked to be around your age. They had been speaking loud enough that it quickly became evident that they were on a first date… and it became increasingly clear to you and Josh throughout the night that this couple’s date was not going well. You had spent the next hour or two getting increasingly tipsier and trying to stifle your laughter whenever the man at the other table made another comment about his crypto startup.

“We really got our own personal reality TV show tonight,” you agreed with a laugh, unable to take your eyes off of Josh as he took another drag, his brows furrowing for a moment as he held the smoke in. Beginning to exhale, he started giggling through it, and you felt your heart rate heighten even further.

“Talk about shitty dates,” he said, shaking his head as if to express pity. “And I’ve been on my fair share of dates with mediocre men…”

“That guy doesn’t even get the recognition of being called mediocre,” you said decidedly, taking the joint when Josh offered it to you again, before he leaned back against the couch, stretching his arms out against the back of it as he watched you speak and grab the lighter. “He didn’t even let her get a word in edgewise…”

“Ouch! Tell me how you really feel…” Josh said with feigned betrayal, making you laugh again and move even closer to him so you could smack his arm playfully— the feeling of his firm bicep underneath your hand making your brain grow cloudy for a moment.

“Oh, shut up, Josh… it’s cute when you do it,” you teased, feeling a twinge in your own heart while using words that were so secretly reflective of your own feelings, but this was how your friendship with Josh had always been. Verbally and physically affectionate, especially in these moments—- but platonic. Never escalating. “Besides, you don’t ramble about crypto…”

Josh nodded, grinning and sticking his tongue between his teeth; “Okay, you’ve got me there.” While gazing over at him, you found yourself caught off guard by the way his cheeks suddenly seemed to be reddening even further. Reminding yourself that Josh blushed frequently, and that this could be caused by any number of things, you did your best to shove any distracting thoughts as far back into your mind as you possibly could while lighting up the joint again. It’s nothing. He’s your best friend; that’s all. Your thoughts, however, were interrupted by Josh’s voice, which continued, “Although, I don’t think he’s as bad as the guy I saw that one time who yelled at the waiter…” As Josh recounted how awful this one particular date was, complete with impressions of the terrible guy in question, you were giggling wildly, the high only intensifying the absurdity of the guy’s entitlement in the story.

“And that is exactly why it’s been so long since I’ve dated a man,” you laughed, shaking your head, remembering the nightmarish experience you had a few years ago that had made you opt for a long break on going out with men. “The last date I had with a guy? Absolutely terrible. I swear… he was trying to get in the Guinness Book of World Records for ‘most complaints on a first date’…”

Josh laughed at your sarcasm, watching with amusement as you took your hit. You could feel his eyes on you, even when your own eyelids fluttered shut thanks to the smoke you were holding in. You let out a long, slow exhale, and when you opened your eyes to let your gaze fall on Josh again, you found yourself wondering if he had inched a bit closer while you weren’t watching him— then quickly doubted your own assumption, telling yourself it must be the high only making it seem that way. Once you had taken your hit, you continued, hoping you were maintaining your external composure, “Seriously, you’d think he had a personal best that he was trying to beat. Nothing was sacred. The restaurant, the people around us, my outfit…”

“Your outfit?” Josh asked incredulously, shaking his head in astonishment as you handed him the joint again, which was now over halfway gone. “Well, if he screwed it up with you, I already could’ve told you that he had bad fucking taste, but that really seals the deal…”

You felt heat rising in your cheeks at the compliment, reaching out and squeezing his arm affectionately in thanks without even thinking, making him giggle— the sound of which left you positively reeling. The high which had settled over you made everything feel a bit hazy, a bit dreamy, on top of the fact that you couldn’t take your eyes off of Josh. Everything about him was just as intoxicating as the liquor and the weed you’d shared that night, if not more so, and you could feel your heart hammering in your chest as he took another slow, long hit, while you continued talking to fill the silence that threatened to tug even harder on your heartstrings. “Seriously, though… I can’t believe he was the last man I ever fucking kissed.”

Josh’s head suddenly turned to face yours, the joint smoldering between his fingertips. He raised an eyebrow, and gave you a look that mixed pity with disbelief, along with… some other emotion, one that you couldn’t quite place. “You actually kissed that guy, mama?” There was a touch of irritation in his voice that, if you didn’t know better, you might have placed as jealousy.

You kicked yourself mentally for the thought, while simultaneously, you hadn’t moved your hand from Josh’s arm. For some reason, the pull felt magnetic.

Scoffing a little, you nodded, saying, “I know… not my ideal scenario.” In your tipsy, high state, the words seemed to be spilling from you without any internal consideration, and suddenly, you found yourself blurting out, “I mean… him? Why couldn’t it have been another guy, someone I actually like being around… or literally anybody else?”

As soon as the words fell from your lips, they were hanging in the air. Floating. The breath left your lungs in an instant when you realized what you’d just said, as Josh’s brows furrowed for a moment, those particular words seemingly bouncing around inside his mind. He blinked a couple of times, his lips parting slightly, and it was impossible not to notice the way his gaze seemed to intensify, studying you a little. He cocked his head, the rise and fall of his chest having intensified as you felt your heart rate heighten even further— and that’s when he finally opened his mouth to speak, his brown eyes on you, his pupils blown wide.

“Y/N… do you… do you want it to be… somebody else? The last man you kissed?”

Your mouth fell open, but your thoughts were moving so much quicker than your words could. All you could manage was a soft utterance of “Josh…” as his gaze once again fell to your lips. More openly this time. Lingering. Your head was spinning, your fingertips beginning to grip tighter at his arm. You knew you had to find your words before you lost the wave of courage that was beginning to wash over you, and breathlessly, you let out a soft, “Yeah, I do… I just never thought…”

All coherent thoughts fell apart when Josh’s hand suddenly rested on top of yours, and you trailed off, your breath catching in your throat. Quickly and almost effortlessly, without ever letting his gaze leave yours, he ashed the smoldering joint in the little glass tray on the table with his other hand, and he murmured, “Neither did I…” beginning to lean closer, starting to close the distance between the two of you. Through your rapidly increasing lightheadedness, your lips were already parting in anticipation, your mind racing, your hands trembling. Inches turned to centimeters, and then millimeters.

And when he finally caught your lips with his, it was as if the whole world melted away around you. There was nothing else. Nothing but Josh, his lips taking you in passionately and eagerly, the feeling of his warm, flushed skin against your own…. and, soon enough, his tongue swiping across your bottom lip, as if begging for entry— which you couldn’t help but grant. You could feel his soft facial hair brushing against you as he deepened the kiss, and the feeling was both new and dizzying. All inhibitions you had been holding within you melted entirely away as Josh licked into your mouth, and you found yourself falling into him, your bodies colliding and hands beginning to reach out, touch, grab. Without ever letting his lips leave yours, he was suddenly pulling you by the waist into his lap, and you were letting him, throwing your arms around his neck and fully straddling him, savoring the heat of his body underneath you, the feeling of his firm, solid chest… god, it was all so new, and intoxicating beyond belief.

His kiss was warm, inviting, and all-consuming. A fire had been lit within you, burning incessantly and licking up through your lower stomach as Josh let out a soft sound resembling a moan right into your mouth. It was so pretty, with the slightest hint of a whine, and the thought of hearing more from Josh… sounds increasing in need as he slowly unraveled… immediately made you lightheaded with arousal. An involuntary moan that matched his in its intensity slipped from somewhere deep within you as Josh’s tongue explored your mouth, and the instant tightening of his grip on your waist and arching of his hips right up against you proved beyond any doubt that your sounds were eliciting a similar reaction from the man beneath you. You moaned again, louder this time, and Josh groaned immediately, pulling back just enough to murmur a breathless “You sound… fuckin’ divine, mama,” before hungrily pulling you right back in, your hands sliding up to tangle in his curls, tugging at his roots as he hummed with satisfaction and need, right against your lips.

You were rolling your hips against him now— and with a nearly overwhelming shock of desire, you were suddenly aware of the way Josh was hardening underneath you as he continued to sigh and moan into your mouth. Most of the people you’d been with didn’t have the anatomy that Josh had, and the realization that you were making him hard had you lightheaded. Breathlessly, you started giggling into the kiss, and he pulled back for just a moment to look at you curiously, his cheeks flushed red and his brown eyes wide, sparkling. “What are you giggling at, mama?” he asked playfully, sticking his tongue between his teeth as he watched you rock against him, his pupils dilated with lust.

“It’s just… oh, fuck…” you giggled again, throwing your head back for a moment as you let the feeling of him underneath you just wash over you. “God… I forgot what that felt like, Josh….”

He was licking his bottom lip now, looking just as giddy and flustered as you felt. When Josh’s gaze pulled itself away from your eyes for a moment, he let it drag down your body, right down to where you were grinding down onto him, before right back up to resume looking right at you– as if he were able to see something far deeper in you than what was on the surface. There was a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.

“Tell me, mama…” he started, his voice low and breathless, his eyes remaining on you as he began to roll his hips to the rhythm you had established. “...tell me how it feels.”

“Fuck,” you whimpered, his ability to slip so easily back and forth from needy to commanding making your head spin, and the word slipping out made Josh lick his lips, clearly enjoying being able to watch your expression shift as your arousal grew. Focusing on every feeling, you breathed out, “So good, Josh. Feels so fucking good…”

“Paint me a picture, mama…” he sighed, his eyes glazed over with desire, his hands beginning to glide up and down your body, exploring you slowly and passionately, as though trying to commit your every inch to memory by means of touch alone. Everything had escalated so suddenly, in such a frenzy of accidental admissions, and you didn’t even care. You couldn’t even begin to think of a damn thing beyond what was happening in this present moment, and just how fucking badly you needed him. You couldn’t believe how wet he had made you so quickly.

His desire to hear you speak on your pleasure was intoxicating. You were breathing heavily, unable to take your eyes off of him. He looked angelic, his curls framing his face so delicately and beautifully despite the way your fingers had been knotting into his hair moments earlier. Josh was practically glowing in the dim, warm light, his features illuminated in a way that was simply and undeniably breathtaking. There was a look in his eyes that was making your whole body tremble, and the feeling of his cock continuing to harden underneath you was almost overwhelming. You had never felt an ache quite like this one before. It was different, and it was… good. Focusing all of your attention on exactly what you could feel beneath you as you both grinded against each other, the words left your lips in a breathless, rambling moan.

“Feels… so fucking hard… and thick, Josh… oh, God… I’m soaked… I’m burning for you…”

He let out a shaky groan, his plush lips falling open as he watched your eyes flutter shut while still rocking against him— and you let out a soft cry of need when you felt him twitch against your clit through the layers of fabric between you. “Fuck… mama, you’re a poet…” he panted, leaning his head back for a moment as he bucked his hips up against you. “God… It’s been so fucking long…” When the words left his lips, the thought occurred to you that, just like it had admittedly been a long while since you’d been with a man, it had likely been just as much time since Josh had been with a woman— and the realization somehow made your hunger for him grow even greater.

“Too many clothes,” you managed to gasp out, and Josh was nodding, his eyes having darkened even further, allowing himself to pull his hands from your body long enough to sit back and watch as you pulled your top— his own t-shirt —over your head, throwing it onto the floor without a second thought. You had taken your bra off when you changed into his pajamas, and the sight of you topless was enough to make Josh’s breath audibly catch in his throat, his eyes wide and ravenous, taking in every last inch of skin that had been revealed to him.

“Fuck,” Josh breathed out, his cheeks flushed with arousal, “You are so fucking beautiful…” his words making your head spin as he found the hem of his own t-shirt, tugging it over his head and tossing it to the floor alongside yours. You had seen Josh without a shirt on before, but never anything like this, and being so close was damn near overwhelming. Immediately, you were running your hands up his chest, savoring the feeling of his toned, firm skin underneath your own.

“Josh, you’re fucking beautiful,” you sighed, and the look in his eyes was unlike anything you had ever seen— astonished, adoring, voracious. His own hands began to slide up your body, mirroring the way you were exploring his, before moving to cup your breasts. Dizzily, you were left reeling at the size of his hands, his long fingers, the way he touched… giving your tits a gentle squeeze at first, your resulting moan encouraging him to squeeze harder, pressing your cleavage together as a low groan escaped his throat. You bit your lip, looking back at him and watching how his eyes devoured you. “Do you like them…?”

Josh’s gaze immediately flashed to meet yours, and the eye contact felt like a shock going straight down your spine. A sound resembling a growl escaped from the back of his throat, and your mouth fell open involuntarily as he said, “God, I fucking love them…” continuing to grope and squeeze, his cheeks red, his chest heaving. Your hand continued to slide up his chest, your fingertips finally reaching his necklace, and you just couldn’t resist— tugging it towards you, pulling Josh towards you and kissing him as hard as you’d ever dreamed of doing, drunker now on the feeling of him kissing you back than on anything you’d had at the bar. His hands slid around to the small of your back to pull you into him, your tits pressing up against his bare chest for the first time. The contact made you practically light-headed, moaning into his mouth as the kiss grew sloppier, before Josh’s lips began to trail down to your jaw, leaving wet, open-mouthed kisses in his wake. Your hands slid up to grab at his hair again as he continued his journey downwards, beginning to kiss and lick at your neck— and you were left gasping and writhing underneath him.

“Oh my God, Josh…” you panted, feeling the way his tongue was now beginning to flick and tease at your pulse point, your fingers tightening in his curls. “Fuck…” Your words elicited a moan from Josh against your neck, and you found yourself bucking your hips against him harder at the sound. He continued kissing lower, down your neck to your collarbones, seeming determined to explore every inch of your skin with his mouth, and his obvious desire was making the heat between your thighs burn ever greater. You couldn’t take your eyes off of him as he reached the top of your breasts, letting his mouth and tongue kiss and caress sloppily downwards, looking up at you through his lashes all the while.

He pulled back only for a moment, licking his lips as he gazed up at you, breathing out a low, heavy, “You have no fucking idea how many times I’ve imagined this…” his words sending shock waves straight to your core that were only amplified when, without warning, Josh leaned in to press a hot, open-mouthed kiss right to your nipple, sucking it right into his mouth. The pleasure was so sudden and so overwhelming that your own mouth fell open wide as you arched into him, crying out and gripping him even tighter. Josh let his tongue trace in circles around the hardened bud, before flickering it over you at a speed that had you gasping and whimpering, making your mind reel with possibilities of what else his tongue could be capable of. Your moans were growing louder and more desperate as he moved to pay the same attention to your other nipple, one of his hands sliding up your body so his fingertips could continue playing with the first.

It was already so much. He was so skilled with both his mouth and his fingers, and your anticipation of what was to come was matched by an insatiable hunger burning deep within your core. “Oh, fuck… Josh… that feels so good,” you moaned breathlessly, your voice already shaky, overwhelmed by the way he was working both nipples at once while continuing to grow harder underneath you. The look in his eyes was dark, mischievous. He was clearly being encouraged by your praise, and he was chuckling against you, both the sound and the vibrations enough to make your body shiver against him. He continued worshiping your tits like this for minute after minute, his sighs and moans against you making your head spin and your arousal pool between your thighs. After a while, the feeling of his hard cock rubbing up against you through your pajama pants was becoming impossible to ignore, and the layers of clothing between your bodies felt far too much. Your next words escaped you in more of a whimper than you had intended, thanks to Josh’s relentless tongue against your left nipple and his fingertips rolling and tweaking the right. “Please, Josh… baby… I’m so wet, I need more…”

The words made Josh’s eyes flutter shut for a second, groaning with need as he pulled back from your nipple with an obscene pop. “Fuck, mama… I’ll give you more… lover… let’s get these off you, yeah?” he asked, his hands reaching the hem of your pajama pants as you nodded voraciously, the new pet name he’d just used sending chills up and down your spine.

Swiftly and almost effortlessly, Josh was pulling you off of his lap to press you up against the back of the couch, kissing you deeply all over again as he repositioned you, before pulling back to look you in the eyes as he moved to untie the pajama pants you had borrowed from him. You lifted your hips to aid him as he hooked his fingers underneath the waistband of both the pants and your panties, his gaze meeting yours as if to check in for one final time that this was what you wanted, and you were nodding before either of you even had the chance to speak. “Please…” you breathed out, and that was all the confirmation he needed, tugging them all the way down your legs and lifting your ankles to pull them off of you. Your head was reeling as you watched him kneel before you through heavy-lidded, lust-clouded eyes. Slowly, as if uncovering something sacred, Josh’s hands landed on your knees, gently pulling them apart, revealing you to him— all of you, for the first time.

His lips parted in astonishment. “Oh my fucking God, mama…” He was devouring your pussy with his eyes, staring at you as though witnessing the divine. “You’re so fucking wet… fuck, you’re a goddess… Aphrodite incarnate.”

You were left breathless at his words, and if that wasn’t enough, in a frenzy, Josh’s mouth attached itself to your inner thigh, kissing eagerly, lapping against your sensitive skin, and beginning to climb higher by the moment. Utterly overwhelmed by the feeling, by his desire, you found yourself growing lightheaded, panting out, “You wanna taste it, Josh?”

Between hungry kisses to the inside of your thighs, he looked up at you with a wild ferocity in his eyes you’d never seen before, and his voice was husky as he breathed out a low, hot, “Not want. Need.”

He had left you speechless, the only sound escaping your lips a desperate whimper of arousal that made Josh groan against your skin as he continued his ascent. Moving higher with every kiss, every lick, every graze of his teeth— you were trembling as Josh grew closer and closer to your burning heat. It had been a long time since any man had made you ache like this, and you couldn’t believe just how badly you needed him, how little you cared about anything beyond the promise of his tongue.

Josh was nearing the apex of your thighs now, only inches away from where you needed him most. The feeling of his lips and his facial hair, watching the way his nose pressed into the soft skin of your upper thigh… keeping your eyes on him felt addictive. He was a work of art, devoting his mouth and body to your pleasure, and you couldn’t look away. That was, until Josh fulfilled his promise— hands gripping your thighs and eyes right on yours as he pushed his head forward, immediately pressing a slow, wet kiss directly to your pussy.

The cry that left your lips was louder and more desperate than any of the moans Josh had already drawn out of you, and your thighs immediately tightened around his head, your hands flying back into his hair as you threw your head back. Josh had flattened his tongue, licking a stripe along the entire length of your slit, before letting his tongue explore your folds, his lips kissing and sucking all the while. You were practically incoherent already, astonished at how he could possibly be so good at this. Expletives were falling from your lips completely outside of your control, your desperate moans of “Oh, God… fuck…!” only serving to encourage Josh further, pressing his face in even deeper and sucking at your clit, his mustache tickling at your most sensitive spots while his hands kept a white-knuckled grip on your thighs.

You were practically seeing stars, tugging at Josh’s hair in unbridled ecstasy as he started flicking his tongue against your clit, at a speed you couldn’t even begin to comprehend. The feeling made you let out a sound so needy and pornographic, you hardly recognized yourself. Pleas began to tumble from your lungs as your thighs started to shake, the pleasure building quicker than you ever could have imagined. “Please, please… oh, God, Josh, don’t stop…”

His fingers dug into your thighs as if to assure you that he was not going to stop, his tongue continuing to flick and lash at your clit from every angle, lapping at your wetness, humming and groaning into your heat. Devouring you as if it was his last meal, Josh looked up at you with his brown eyes wide, sparkling, practically innocent; and the sight had you choking on your own breath, his name escaping your lips in a desperate whine— and the sound of that, perhaps combined with the taste of you, left Josh’s eyes rolling up into his head, eyelashes fluttering wildly, as he worked your cunt with his tongue. The sight, combined with his relentless worship of your pussy, the lapping of his tongue against your clit, sent you right over the edge— all at once, you were moaning louder than ever as wave after wave of pleasure crashed over you. Your thighs clenched and tightened around Josh’s head as he groaned into your pussy, licking up your release as you gushed onto his tongue. The orgasm was all-consuming, wracking every inch of your body with shudders, and Josh made sure to work you through every second of it, keeping his pace until you began to come down. Only then did he slow his tongue, beginning to press slow, passionate, gentle kisses to your pussy as the last few spasms of pleasure coursed through you. He only pulled back when your grip in his hair loosened, turning to gentle strokes of your fingertips through his curls.

With one final, soft kiss to your heat, Josh came up from between your legs, licking his lips and looking at you almost bashfully, his face flushed and slick with your release. The sweetness in his gaze combined with the depravity of the moment sent yet another shiver down your spine. Chest heaving and eyes glazed over, you let out an incredulous giggle, savoring the softness of his hair under your fingertips, and the way he was looking at you. “Jesus, Josh… you didn’t tell me you were so good at that,” you teased, still somewhat in shock at the fact that all of this was really happening.

“You never asked,” he teased back, sticking his tongue between his teeth, and the sight had butterflies erupting in your stomach all over again. You were struck by an overwhelming need to kiss him, and you again let your hands find his necklace, beginning to tug him back up towards you, and you watched Josh’s eyes widen and lips part as he raised himself to close the distance between the two of you once more. This time, when your lips met and Josh licked into your mouth, you could taste yourself on Josh’s lips and tongue, and that little fact combined with his soft moan into the kiss left your body growing hot all over again.

You kissed sloppily for another minute or two, letting your hands begin to slide up and down Josh’s chest, and the sounds your touches were eliciting from the man positioned between your legs were making your mind grow foggy. In the midst of the kiss, Josh’s hips pressed up against your core, his clothed erection rubbing up against your bare cunt, and the feeling made the both of you gasp. Josh pulled back a little to capture his lower lip between his teeth, his eyes fluttering shut for a moment. When he opened them again, you already knew exactly what you wanted. “Josh…?” you asked softly, seductively, and his gaze on you alone had you practically seeing stars. “You made me feel so good… please… let me return the favor…”

As the words left your lips, you were sliding out of your position on the couch, keeping your gaze directly on Josh. “Stand up for me? Please?” you asked, your eyes wide, your teeth grazing your own lower lip. He was mesmerized, looking at you with so much visible desire that you could hardly think straight, but stood up for you, his body practically glowing in the soft, golden light. Through your haze, you were able to sink down onto the floor, finally ending up exactly where you wanted to be. Kneeling in front of him. At eye level with the bulge straining through Josh’s pajama pants. Looking up at him with those same doe eyes, you slid a hand up the inside of his thigh, and Josh let out a soft, melodic groan, his own hand falling to stroke your cheek and run his fingers through your hair. His tender touches only served to encourage you more as your hand stroked further and further upwards, before finally reaching its destination— wrapping around the visible bulge in his pajama pants and giving it a squeeze, arousal flooding your veins at both the feeling of his hard cock in your hand and the moan that escaped Josh at your touch. It had been so long since you’d done this, since you’d been with anyone who had a cock, but… Josh knew that. He’d known that for almost as long as you’d known him at all. And somehow, the fact that it was him you were here with, exploring, rediscovering— truly made any nerves or hesitation you might’ve had disappear without a thought. “Fuck, you’re hard, baby…” you breathed out, looking up at Josh through your lashes, and the use of the affectionate pet name made his grip tighten in your hair.

“It’s all for you,” Josh replied, his voice husky, his breaths coming hard and fast. The sight of his toned chest rising and falling so rapidly in combination with his words was making your head spin as your hands slid higher, hooking around his waistband. He groaned a little, his hips bucking involuntarily at the loss of contact, but his next words were low, seductive. “You wanna see what you do to me, mama?”

A soft moan slipped from you at his question, and you were nodding before you found the words. “Yeah, Josh… I wanna see it…” His teeth sunk into his bottom lip once more as he watched you through lust-blown, darkened eyes, cocking his head, which made his curls fall across his forehead in a way that made you squeeze your thighs together involuntarily. Finally, you couldn’t resist any longer, tugging down Josh’s pajama pants while he kept his gaze on you, hungry and intense. And when you laid eyes on his cock for the first time, the wave of desire that crashed over you was enough to leave you utterly and completely dazed.

“Prettiest cock I’ve ever seen,” you whispered, almost reverent, and Josh let out a giggle so breathless and aroused that you felt yourself grow practically lightheaded, his cheeks somehow flushing even redder at the compliment. The statement was the inarguable truth; you had slept with comparatively few men as opposed to women, and not one of them had a cock that left your mouth watering the way Josh’s already had— upon sight alone. He was deliciously thick, the head of his cock an identical rosy pink to his plush lips and slick with precum, making his own desire more than evident. You were left awestruck, staring at all of him for a moment, wondering how it was possible that tonight’s events had truly led to the situation you were currently in.

He was gazing at you through heavy-lidded eyes as you lifted your hand, reaching out and letting your fingertip trace all the way up the one pretty vein that ran up the underside of Josh’s cock. At your feather-light touch alone, Josh shuddered, his fingers curling in your hair and a sigh escaping his lips. “God, lover…” the words left him in a husky whisper, so low and breathy, and the sound had you squeezing your thighs together all over again. Blinking up at him innocently, you spit into your hand, shivering when Josh let out a little growl at the sight. Your heart racing, you wrapped all your fingers around the base of Josh’s thick cock, savoring the feeling of his warm skin, and the moan that slipped from him was so pretty you couldn’t wait any longer, starting to pump your hand slowly up and down his length. You couldn’t take your eyes off him, watching the way his expression changed, how his plush lips fell open, his brows knitting together a little, as he moaned out, “Oh, fuck…” Stroking him up and down, you began to repeatedly swipe your thumb over the head of his cock, and the action was making Josh grow breathless underneath you. You heard him sigh your name, his chest heaving, his hips beginning to buck against the motions of your hand.

Feeling drunk on desire and the way Josh was somehow continuing to harden in your grasp, you were unable to make yourself wait any longer. “I love this cock, Josh…” you managed to breathe out, another wave of desire washing over you as he tugged harder at your roots, biting his lip. “…and fuck, I need a taste….” The arousal was written all over Josh’s face, his cheeks flushed red and his mouth still hanging open.

His voice was breathier, a little shakier, when he opened his mouth to reply. “Go ahead, lover… it’s all yours…” The sound of that particular nickname leaving his lips while urging you to go on, his tone almost needy, made your eyes nearly roll back into your head with desire. Keeping your gaze on Josh while you continued to stroke his cock, you leaned forward, your head spinning and breaths coming fast and heavy. And when your lips touched his sensitive skin, pressing a soft, open-mouthed kiss to the head of his cock, the sound that escaped Josh was enough to send a lightning bolt of arousal straight through your entire body. His eyes were wide, lust-blown, his pretty lips hanging open as his chest heaved, tangling his fingers in your hair as your kisses turned into kitten licks to his head, exploring his soft skin, lapping at his arousal.

Josh was falling apart so quickly, and you couldn’t take your eyes off of him. Reeling from the taste of him, you started taking him deeper into your mouth, flames of desire licking up into your lower stomach with every moan from Josh, every buck of his hips. Expletives fell from his lips like a prayer as you continued, feeling every inch of him as you took him deeper into your mouth, further down your throat. Practically gagging on the sheer size of him, you finally reached the base of his cock, the tip of your nose pressing up against his pelvis as you blinked up at him with wide, almost innocent eyes. A strangled noise somewhere between a moan and a growl escaped him, his fingers holding a white-knuckled grip in your hair, while his whole face, neck, and even the top of his chest were flushing pink with arousal. “God… fuck… look at you… so fucking beautiful,” he was panting out, his words coming out in a desperate, rambling groan. You had never seen Josh so incoherent, and the sight was beyond dizzying. His praise was electrifying, and finally, you hollowed your cheeks around him, beginning to bob your head up and down his length. Josh let out a loud, uninhibited moan, throwing his head back and letting out another strangled “Fuck… oh, Jesus Christ…”

His moans, his body, his cock; it was all so unbearably addictive. The way his chest was rising and falling with such rapid, intense gasps. The way he was bucking his hips back against your eager mouth. The way his fat cock was somehow still getting harder, thicker inside your mouth. Swelling. Throbbing. The drool was practically dripping down your chin as you sucked him off, bobbing up and down, using your tongue to explore as you watched his contorted, blissed-out expression shift with spine-tingling curiosity. Josh’s hands were practically trembling in your hair as he continued to moan, praise, and curse— the words seeming to fall from his lips entirely involuntarily, as though erupting from his soul itself while you let his pleasure build.

You had almost entirely lost yourself in the taste of his cock, the way it was stretching your jaw, how it felt filling up your mouth and throat, that you were caught by surprise when Josh started pulling back with a shudder, his hard cock slipping from your lips with an obscene pop. Any confusion that you felt, however, was immediately dissipated when Josh breathed out, voice husky, “God, mama… I’m gonna fuckin’ cum if you don’t stop… and, fuck…” he was helping you stand to meet him at eye level again, his eyes dark and desperate as he stroked a hand through your hair, down past your cheek, dragging his fingertips down your neck. “I need to fuck you, lover…”

Hearing him say those words made your mouth fall open a little, beginning to nod before you could even speak. “Oh, God… please, Josh… fuck me. I need it. Please, just fuck me…” Upon hearing that, Josh was growling again, the sound still making your entire body tremble, as he began walking you backwards towards his sofa, his hands on your body and his eyes on yours, intense and hungry. Before long, you were trying to keep your breathing steady as Josh laid you down on the couch, his eyes all over you, his necklace dangling over you enticingly. Your heart pounding, you sat up against the arm of the sofa, biting your lip at Josh as you slowly, teasingly opened your legs wide for him. His gaze was ravenous as you blinked up at him, breathing out a soft, tantalizing, “Come and get it…”

That was all Josh needed. Immediately, he was climbing on top of you, positioning his flushed, firm body between your legs and letting one hand rest on either side of you on the arm of the couch. His face hovered above yours, his cheeks red and his eyes dark with arousal, as one hand landed on your shoulder, pinning you to the arm of the couch underneath him—- the action immediately sucking all of the air from your lungs. His free hand now began to slide down your body as he cocked his head, studying your expression with hungry brown eyes as he groped at your tits, then let his hand slide down your stomach, before letting his fingers part your folds. You moaned, bucking your hips into his touch, and a groan escaped Josh at that as he stared at you incredulously. “Fuck, mama… you’re so fucking wet…”

“God, Josh, it’s what you fucking do to me,” you panted, little whimpers and sighs escaping your lips as he gathered your wetness on his fingertips, before trailing up to play with your clit. After a moment of this, he trailed his fingers down, letting his index finger tease and press at your entrance, and you were moaning, nodding your head, the eye contact that Josh was maintaining heightening every feeling, every sensation. Upon your nod, he was pushing one long finger up into your cunt, and you were crying out all over again, your walls immediately clenching around him— and that drove both of you into near madness, as you immediately leaned up to kiss Josh as hard as you possibly could, moaning into his mouth, bucking your hips against his hand as he began to fuck you with his finger, pumping it in and out, getting your cunt ready for his cock.

You were grabbing at his body, at his necklace, his curls, pulling back to stammer pleas desperately against his lips. “More… God, Josh, I need more…” the words left your mouth in a rambling, desperate beg, and the low groan of desire that escaped him in response made your eyes roll back a little even before he slid a second finger into your pussy, fucking them in and out of your wetness as you writhed beneath him.

“What do you need?” His voice was husky, teasing, his eyes heavy-lidded and never leaving yours, his nose hovering millimeters above your own. Your heart felt like it could give out within your chest at any moment as Josh’s fingers worked you, stretched you. “I wanna hear you say it, lover…”

“Fuck, Josh… oh, God, I need your cock. Please…” you begged, reaching out and tugging at his curls, savoring the way he leaned into your touch. “…I’ve imagined it so many times, baby… please just fuck me…”

Those words, the admission that you’d pictured this before on numerous occasions, must’ve been exactly what Josh was looking for, as a moan even lower, darker, huskier left his lips. “Fuck, mama… sound so fucking pretty when you beg….” You shuddered at this, looking up at him with pleading eyes, as Josh nodded slowly, and pulled his fingers from your dripping pussy, the loss of contact making you shiver. You watched, dazed, desperate, as he wrapped those same fingers around his hard, thick cock; giving it a few solid pumps before lining it up at your entrance. The look in his eyes was unlike anything you’d ever seen before— powerful, commanding, full of need, while still unbearably affectionate. Practically loving. You could hardly think, drunk on your desire, gaze fixed on the beautiful man hovering above you. Teasingly, teeth sinking into his lower lip, Josh began to rub the head of his cock up and down your soaked slit, and the friction left you whining and bucking your hips desperately against him, his own mouth falling open at the contact. “Gonna fuck you so good, lover… so hard, so deep… gonna have you fucking screaming for me, mama…”

He didn’t even give you the time you needed to process his filthy words— because it was right as Josh spoke that he was pushing his hips forward, his hard, fat cock parting your folds, sliding into your tight, soaked cunt, inch after inch filling you up and stretching you out. Your eyes flew open wide, your mouth falling completely open alongside them as a moan louder than any you’d let out all night escaped your lungs. You weren’t alone, Josh’s own mouth hanging open with pleasure as his eyes rolled back a little, lashes fluttering wildly as he pushed in, up to the hilt. Your chest was heaving, hands desperately reaching to grab at Josh’s body, his strong arms, as little gasps and whimpers left your lips. “Oh, Josh… fuck… you’re so thick…”

He was groaning a little, fighting to keep his eyes open against the overwhelming pleasure of your cunt wrapped around his cock. “So fucking tight…” he managed, his voice restrained, rough, almost shaky. “…gonna move, lover…. you ready? You wanna get fucked?” It was all so overwhelming already, so dizzying, and you were nodding with unbridled desperation, clinging to his biceps as you fought to catch your breath. Yet, as Josh fulfilled his promise, it was clear you wouldn’t be finding your breath anytime soon.

Slowly, he was pulling back nearly all the way… before immediately thrusting his hips forward with such intensity, such purpose, that you cried out instantly, your hand flying to grip Josh’s necklace, which had been dangling just above your breasts ever since he climbed on top of you. He started slow, but the measured pace didn’t last long as he began to pick up speed, starting to thrust harder, faster, deeper. You were so quickly being rendered incoherent as his thick cock pushed in and out, hammering into your cunt and stretching you deliciously with every hard thrust. Moans of his name began to fall from your lips as he fucked you, and you found yourself wrapping your legs around his torso, hanging your head back with overwhelming pleasure as Josh fucked up into you again and again.

“You feel that, lover….? Fuck… you’re squeezing me… so fucking tight…” Josh was groaning, his gaze heavy, his eyelids fluttering, his eyes threatening to roll back again and again. He was twitching inside of you, throbbing, even, and the feeling was beyond intoxicating as you felt your thighs beginning to tremble around him.

“Oh, God… don’t stop, Josh, don’t stop… feels so good…” you were moaning, rolling your hips in response to his relentless thrusts, feeling your pleasure beginning to build rapidly for the second time that night. He growled, beginning to fuck you even harder, adjusting so he was slamming his hips into you from a new angle— and when the head of his cock began to shove up against your g-spot with every thrust, the cry that left your throat was so needy, so desperate, so whiny that it elicited a moan of matching intensity from Josh.

“I can feel you… fuckin’ clenching,” he was groaning, not once slowing the pace of his thrusts, his hand still pinning you to the arm of the couch below him as he fucked you. “You gonna cum again for me, sugar? Yeah? Gonna cum on my cock this time?”

You were whimpering, nodding, tears beginning to well in your eyes as Josh pounded into you, your tits bouncing with every hard thrust of his cock into your pussy. He never once hesitated, only continuing to hammer into you, his gaze intensifying, his sounds growing hungrier, more uninhibited. “Not gonna stop, sugar… gonna fuck you ‘til you’re cumming all over this hard cock… make this tight, pretty pussy cum for me…..”

His words were growing filthier by the moment, and it was only making your head spin even faster, your thighs tremble even harder, your grip on his necklace tighten as the heat began to build deep within your core. Tears began to spill from your eyes; the pleasure starting to become almost overwhelming, moments away from the edge— and Josh must’ve been able to tell, because all of a sudden, his fingers were right back on your clit, circling it mercilessly as his cock slammed into you again and again… and that was all it took.

With a desperate, pornographic cry of his name, you were clenching down onto Josh’s cock as your orgasm crashed over you. Wave after wave of pleasure wracked your entire body as you clung desperately to Josh, moaning again and again and trembling, shaking almost violently against him, seeing stars and practically sobbing as you melted into euphoria.

Josh was groaning, fucking you as hard as he could through your orgasm, his eyes beginning to roll back— and he managed to pull himself from your cunt just in time, your name leaving his lips in a desperate moan alongside a string of obscenities as he exploded all over your stomach, stroking his cock and bucking his hips into his hand. His expression was damn near angelic, his brows knitted together, his mouth wide open with ecstasy, before he caught his lower lip between his teeth, thrusting up into his hand as he finished riding out his high.

Slowly, slowly, gasping for air, you found yourself beginning to return to Earth, your grip loosening on Josh’s arms but refusing to let go, still savoring the feeling of his soft, warm skin; his muscles flexing underneath your fingertips. The chorus of moans between the two of you had evolved into breathless sighs as Josh collapsed onto you; and when you finally managed to open your eyes, you found yourself giggling without even meaning to— your head still spinning, your heart still racing.

Josh was breathing hard, a bashful grin on his face as his own eyes fluttered open, gazing down at you with what could only be described as adoration. Reaching up to run a hand through his tousled curls, you giggled again, your heart swelling in your chest at the way he was looking at you, before he began to join you in your shy laughter. “Wow…” you managed, biting your lip a little, as he let out a giggle of his own, nodding in agreement. You felt heat rising in your own cheeks as you admitted shyly, “Josh, I… you have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that with you.”

He smiled at you, the affection in his gaze making you practically breathless as he said, “Truthfully? I think I do… because I’m sure I’ve wanted it just as long,” letting his arms slip around you, and the feeling was a new kind of dizzying. You giggled again, before leaning up to press another kiss to his lips— this one soft, slow, lingering. The frenzied hurry that had motivated the majority of your actions had dissipated as you realized, with a rush of excitement, that you had all the time in the world.

When the kiss broke, you were laughing again, running your hands across his arms, up to his cheeks, savoring the way his eyes fluttered shut at your touches. “All the time we’ve wasted…” you sighed with a grin, thinking about the months you’d spent pining after him, certain that your thoughts and feelings weren’t reciprocated. He was smiling down at you, holding you close to his body.

“We’re here now,” Josh said with a grin, pressing another kiss to your cheek. “And I intend to make the most out of every moment…” as you felt yourself blushing all over again, your heart racing. This really was just the beginning.

It was a long time before the two of you managed to work up the motivation to move from your positions tangled together on the couch, but Josh’s promise of a warm shower and the invitation to share his bed was more than enough to convince you. As he helped you to your feet, his arm wrapping around your waist while your thighs trembled, you felt your heart nearly overflowing with affection. When you turned to look at him, however, a thought struck you that left you giggling all over again, leaving Josh looking at you with a curious grin, arching an eyebrow inquisitively. “What’s bringing on that cute giggle now…?”

You grinned at him, biting your lip and leaning in to press another kiss to his cheek. “Tonight may have been our best adventure yet.”

He laughed again, his happiness utterly infectious, as he leaned in, his lips only millimeters from yours. “And we’ve got plenty more to come, lover.” Closing the distance between the two of you, this kiss was gentle, passionate. A promise that he was yours. That you were his.

As you two headed towards his room, his arm around your waist, there was one thing that was certain. No matter what else was to come, you knew that Josh was right. You two had so many adventures in store.

And you couldn’t wait to rediscover it all.

//

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[bitchlessdino]

TPC: Vernon and Chan's solution to love triangles

Series

Pairing: vernon x afab!reader x chan

Genre: smut

Word count: 4.3k

tags: friends to lovers, bi/pan poly, queer dynamics, mlm content, dirty talking, praise kink, spanking, clit slapping, pet names (doll, baby), ass play, double pen., spitting, fingering, oral (giving and recieveing), throat bulge kink, cum eating, face sitting, couch sex, desk sex, unprotective sex, cream pies, no respect for someone else's private space lol

Summary: Nobody fucking like love triangles, especially you. So what was the perfect solution to that problem? You guessed it.

author note: it's pride so this is pretty gay, enjoyyyyy

Tag list: @iwouldbangchan @1uvlywon @just-here-to-read-01 @candidupped @minnie-mouser22 @shiningstar-byulxx @90s-belladonna @misssugarlips @tommolex @hoeforhao @honglynights @homerunhansol @dkakapizzaboy @junhui-recs @svtup @buffhoshi @meowmeowminnie @caratochan @lovebot4han @lovelyhan

Sometimes being told that your best friend has these intense, overpowering feelings for you other than a friend would has teh potential to change teh trajectory of your dynamic. Being told that it was both your best friends that have these feelings was just internal chaos. Chan and Vernon usually weren’t like that. Since learning about those things, it’s been hard to breathe, suffocating even, especially at a party where the air was a limited quantity.

“Another drink?”

You hand Vernon your solo cup to fill and he refreshes it with ice cold beer, softly smiling back at you. He hands it back to you, your fingers grazing his, and natural electricity runs over his skin. “Thanks.”

“A-anytime.” He stutters.

Vernon hasn’t been himself since his confession. He’s been walking on eggshells waiting for an answer, and he doesn’t doubt that Chan is going through the same. They both agreed to let you take your time and would not resent you for the answer you give. Still, a selfish side of him hoped it’d be him.

Chan joins you both soon enough leaning close to your ear, whispering a gentle “Hi,” before back hugging you. You let out light chuckles before grasping his forearms, and greeting him back. Vernon stands a foot away, envious of Chan’s openness and courage that Vernon only imagines having. 

What Vernon doesn’t know is Chan can only get that far pretending he knows what to do, when in fact it’s the opposite. His guess is just as good as his best friend's. He has no idea who you’d choose in the end. He only knows that he has to act fast.

“Dance with me,” he requests, waiting for your nod of approval before he sweeps you away to the center of the room and leaves Vernon behind.

You feel the safety of Chan’s broad build taking up the space behind you, grazing the sensitivity of your arms as he sways you to the beat of the music. You allow him to guide you, tickling the nape of your neck with his breath scented with confectioners sugars. You hum in delight, throwing your head against his shoulder as you drink in the air. To which, Chan can't help but be dazzled by you, mesmerized by the energy you exude. 

“I know you wanted to take your time in making a decision and I respect that but I hope you don’t mind me doing some convincing,” His hands find home on your body, dragging them by your sides, and settling on your hips. You lightly gasp, fingers curling up in uncertainty, yet you felt no desire to part ways. You can only focus on the alluring deep rasp of his voice, “You look so fucking incredible tonight.”

“You too, Chan,” you say with a small smile, feeling him only wrap tighter around you. You involuntarily moan as he presses you deeper against his front side, feeling the shape of his bulge nudge you. You can practically feel your arousal pool between your legs, threatening to leave the sanctity of your walls. Your bodies melt into each until you’re one, succumbing to Chan’s body language that speaks in pure unbridled lust. You visibly swoon, falling deeper into the spell of the man whose smile glows brighter than the stars in the night sky.

 His lips seductively trail against your neck, “We’re like magic together. Don’t you think so?”

You can feel a confirmation come up your throat until someone places themself in front of you. To your shock, Vernon stands before you and takes your hands, letting them come against his neck. “Hope you don’t mind if I join in.”

Vernon can feel the heat of his romantic rival’s glare but ignores it as he claims his spot. “Of course,” you answer with a soft smile, earning a smile back from the man in front.

Vernon’s reluctant elegance is stark in contrast with Chan’s obvious carnal, giving the best of both worlds. Chan stays at his distance, and the same could be said of Vernon, eyes coated in love as his hand holds politely right at the waist. 

This is a bizarre situation to be in, to begin with, and you can’t believe for a second that you’re the person in the middle. Yet, your heart flutters as Vernon tucks your hair over your shoulder, breath fanning over your skin as he leans in just slightly doing so. You were in no position to complain.

You let out a soft gasp, feeling the pebbling of your skin before he pulls away. “I don’t know how much competition I am to Chan, bu—“

“Don’t say that,” you interrupt.

“But,” he continues, “I’m glad to at least be in your thoughts.”

“You’re more than in my thoughts. I care about Vern—I care about the both of you…And I think my answer is clear.”

One second. It’s all it takes—and maybe Vernon’s honey brown eyes staring back at you with so much admiration as if you’re seconds away from turning into a puddle—for you to pull him in a heated kiss. Releasing your inhibitions, you sink into him and flushed against his heat. Your teeth occasionally clashing, entangled with him desperately, your descending moans from your lips as he presses against you, lost in his dream turned reality. You could blame the alcohol, you can blame the R&B playing, you can even blame Vernon's words beaming with sincerity, but really you blame yourself. 

In a moment of self-wallow, Chan falters back as he witnesses the scene firsthand. He has every nerve to back off, accepting your decisions per your agreement, but before does, a grip takes Chan’s arm and collides his bodies back to his friends in heated lip lock. His eyes shoot back at your figures in surprise, hearing you make out the word “stay” amongst the noise. Uneven breaths leave him as you part from Vernon’s lips and connect with Chan’s instead. 

He tastes what Vernon tastes, visceral lust running through your veins as your lips defiling his until you’re tasting every corner of his mouth. You were like a drug, one that would have him committed and he knows since then he could never have enough of you. He can’t help but return the same energy, languidly moving his lips against yours until you move on to Vernon, their intense jointed lips making Chan more aroused rather than disappointed. 

You continue what you started at in a vacant room in the lesser occupied area of the house. Your brain would have recalled that this was the closed-off home office the party host forbade anyone from entering if not for the fact one man’s hand is down your pants and kissing your neck, while the other leads you with his lips and fingers threading through your hair.

You moan feverishly against his lips and pull off his jacket and white tee to abandon them on the ground. You caress his sculpted body, feeling the deep valleys of his abdomen, cupping his chest, while your fingers tingle and excitement churns your stomach. His body was heaven, a safe space, and you could not wait to scratch up his skin, marking it purple, and claiming him yours. “Mmh, Chan…”

The blond presses to your side, grinning from ear to ear against your lips. “Yes, baby.” His term of endearment made you gush, smiling back at him like a love sick puppy before you pull him back against your lips, a leg clenching to his side to keep him close. You moan louder as the man behind you works inside you with more vigor, whines leaving your lips as you buck your hips in frustration. “So…good…”

“What's that? Vernon fingers up your pussy feel good?”

You moan a confirmation to Chan, earning a tender kiss under your ear, the owner of the lips pressing his fingers between your slit as his thumb pads over your clit. “Say it louder for me, doll.”

“You make me feel so good, Vernon,” you respond, only hearing the squelch of his fingers as he pleasures you.

“Good job,” he whispers delicately before letting your bottoms hit the ground. You gasp as his big hands grow rough and sharp inside you as they curve in between your damp walls. Chan looks back at you grinning, moving hair away from your face, and a deep chuckle leaves his lips. “You look like a pretty little mess. Makes me want to ruin you.”

“I’m sure they’d like that, Chan. Their pretty pussy cumming all over our cocks until they black out,” Vernon eggs.

Moaning at the thought, Chan lifts your chin with two fingers to meet his gaze, the darkness taking over his eyes that had you weak at the knees. “That sounds like a delicious evening.”

Leisurely, Chan’s fingers undo your shirt, revealing the scandalously deliciously red garment underneath. He bites his bottom lip—pleased with what he sees— before he wraps his lips around you to taste lace. He feels you grow against his tongue, pretty and wet. You softly whimper and circles being drawn on your skin, while Vernon takes care of your sopping cunt the way a washer cycles clothing: thoroughly wet and loudly. “S-shit…”

“You feel so wet around my fingers.”

You arch into the man behind you, a guttural moan escaping you.

“You don’t know how much I’ve thought about doing this.” His words are so delicate, like a butterfly in the midst of a storm. Your climax is so close you could almost taste it, but Chan shakes his head, pulling you forward and away from the tension. “Not yet, we’re going to wait just like you’ve made us wait.”

Vernon quickly adjusts to the situation and lets his hand go limp, preventing the eruption of your climax and following his best friend’s lead. “Right. It’s only fair.” He withdraws his hand to bring his fingers up to your lips, tapping at them for entry, to which he is easily granted access. You wrap around his digits delectably, your arousal sweet and familiar past your lips. He groans back at you, his groin rubbing to your side in thirst. “Such a good doll.”

In an instant, Chan pushes you against the leather couch occupying the end of the room. His hands glide over your thighs and fondle your breast, while Vernon kisses your eager lips. Every inch of your body feels like pure fire. Adrenaline pumps in your veins and you have never been so intensely aroused.

“Are you gonna give an answer?” Chan prods. “Or are you test driving? Seeing who’s capable of making you cum faster and harder?” The tips of his fingers aim at your clit, feeling the reflex of your hips buck back against him, earning his smug grin. “Or is our pretty baby that selfish you want us both to yourself?”

You act as though you can’t hear him, but you truly can’t hear him. Your brain makes sense of what he says but your body prevents you from speaking, and all you can do is moan, shake, or cry in response. Vernon finally parts from you to look directly back into your eyes, “Answer him, doll.”

You gasp aching, turning to Chan's domineering gaze. “N-no, I can’t choose. I need both of you. I-I’m selfish.”

“Why?” He hits it again, now hearing the whimper once muffled from Vernon’s lips. “What’s it about us you need both so badly?”

You could write an essay about how both individually made you feel but you had no words that could describe how they felt together. It simply could not be compromised. You love both so deeply and you can’t imagine anything different. Chan is not without Vernon, Vernon is not without Chan, but you were not without both. Choosing one would be pure blasphemy in your eyes. 

Your thoughts get muddled by Chan’s impatience as he dives face-first between your legs. His tongue pulsates like it has a mind of its own, teasing you until bounding himself to your cunt. His arms come over your thighs and he tugs them to hug his cheeks, prickling you all over with goosebumps. “So…sweet…all mine…”

He could only describe your taste as ambrosia: nectar of the gods. If he believed in any of them, he imagines you would be what they sought out. If he wasn’t already mindlessly in love with you, right now he was sincerely obsessed with you. Your scent, your texture, your ache. You embody pure sex, that much he understands, but what else was there to learn?

You can feel himself groaning in the depths of your walls as his tongue darts faster in you, accompanied by his fingers soon after. Pushing one—“Mmh, Chan”—no, thrusting two —“fuck like that”—actually three plunging in so deep to find the center of your core—“shit…”

“Yes, eat their pussy so good, Chan. They love it so much.” 

Your moan echoes in the unnecessarily big room, throwing your head back on the couch while Vernon unclasps your bra and helps it come off. His lips latch on your tit, round eyed and beautiful, and take the other in his hand, pinching and rolling your stiff peak. His teeth come gently around you between sucks as your hand runs through his soft silver-blue hair. Moans leaving between your pressed lips, you ingrain the sensation in your brain, holding for keepsake.

“Doll sounds so pretty being devoured…Chan is good at it, isn’t he? His dirty mouth making your wet pussy feel good?”

You barely make out a nod to Vernon before you notice Chan's wet chin gliding up your slit to suck harshly against your clit, dark orbs staring back at you with a black heat. You choke back your answer, clenching around Chan’s face as you cut off his airways and nearly suffocate him. 

Your other hand keeps his head down, feeling him lapping up your arousal and slathering his cheeks in your mess as you ride him in your stead. The blonde moans only grow louder, burying his imminent grave inside you as he swears he loses consciousness. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck…”

“Chan, You’re doing it so good, keep it up. They’re so close.”

His fingers drive through you at a merciless rhythm, your peak of arousal comes in waves and your body thrashes from the intense sensation as you buck into his mouth in release. His name is on your tongue like prayer fearing him, thanking him, worshiping him. He pulls himself up, eyes blown out like a mindless zombie, lips glossed with a sex sheen of your cum. “That was so good...”

“Chan.”

The blonde hears his name, soft and malleable, but only realizes it’s a voice slightly gruffer than the person he expects. Vernon leans forward to his friend, eyes shaken from the glossy sheen coating their mouth, and before he realizes, he’s claiming Chan’s lips, tasting your climax.

Your heart pounds sporadically watching them in lip lock. Vernon’s tongue aiming in and out of the blonde mouth to lick up your mess and you feel the heat of your core erupt again. Chan’s hands run through Vernon’s silver locks, expelling an impish moan as he palms his boner through his pants. “Vern…”

The moment the nickname leaves his lips, the younger pulls away, face still a mess, and he sees a matching expression on Vernon. “I…I didn’t mean for that—“

“That was insane.” You interrupt and the back of Chan’s head to reunite your lips. Meanwhile, Vernon is still processing what’s just happened. Hands against his mouth, he’s replaying how he initiated, about how Chan kissed him back just as vigorously, and how he can still feel the ghost of his lips on his. Perhaps there was more to his—and Chan’s—feelings than anyone in this room anticipated.

The silver fox is pulled out of his trace when he tastes your lips, and his thought process melts into oblivion the moment your hands land on his pants. You hurriedly drop them to his ankles and reach for his cock, upright and needy for the mouth inches away from him. “You’re so big, Vernon…” You drag him over your tongue, feeling his twitch, while he’s watching you take his cock and how your plush ass lifts up in the air.

Chan’s familiar fingers run along your slit, feeling you pulsate around despite having already came. “You’re so wet for us, baby,” Chan says, knowing the other man is watching as he drags his fingers in you–mewls vibrating around Vernon’s cock–and his lips kiss the rim of your entrance.

You moan something incomprehensive, only pushing your rear back to Chan as he devours you clean, licking circles and sucking you in loud slurps. There’s something about the power of his mouth, reducing you to a feeble mess that was just so hot, Vernon couldn’t help but blush. Moments before, Vernon would’ve just assumed he was turned on by the blatant euphoria in your eyes–which were indeed intoxicating–but after that kiss, he realizes that it’s possibly more than that.

“You have such pretty holes, baby. I want to fill them up so badly with cum.” The blonde is obviously saying the words to you, given the context, but the way his eyes look Vernon feels like it was meant for him. It renders him practically speechless.

“You want us in your holes, baby? You want us to fuck you open?”

Your whines got only more immense, seizing pleasure from Vernon’s cock, and finally, he moves, rocking back into you. Fueled by tension, his cock hits the end of your throat, the shape of his head bulging at the column of your throat and he whines, erupting the goosebumps to appear on Chan’s arms that go unnoticed by anyone but. Vernon’s hand combs through your hair as the other rubs that column of your neck. His gaze drops at you, watching the tears swell up in your eyes and you’re evidently breathing through your nose. “My cock looks so good stuck in your perfect, pretty throat—fuck…feels so good…”

Chan lifts his knees to the couch, stroking his cock he exposed without anyone noticing, lathering your cum at your slit with the tip and then up your puckered rim. He sucks on his digits, getting them wet, before easing them inside your ass. You clench around him in response, causing him to strike at your cheek with a free hand. You jolt forward, pushing a groaning Vernon’s cock deep down your throat.

“Spread your ass for me if you want to be stretched nice and wide.”

The tears shed burned your cheeks, but you obliged. Arching your back, knees further apart, your hands spread your divide to submit to Chan. Your eyes repeatedly roll back to your head, slightly relieved when Vernon pulls your head off his cock to breathe, and let the obscene and barely coherent speech from your lips. “Please please please, I need you. Fuck me. Fuck me please…”

“Can you take it, hmm,” Chan spanks your ass, “Are your pretty holes gonna take our cocks?”

“Yes, yes, give it to me please.”

Chan scoffs. “Beg louder.”

“Please, Chan. I want you and Non inside of me. I want to feel your cum spill inside of me—ah!” His spit slathers over you, spanks repeating back on your ass, your pussy, everything. Filthy and demeaning. “Such a dirty thing. Lucky for you, you’ve been a good listener. We’ll make sure to give you what you want. Won’t we, Vernon?”

Vernon takes second to answer, shifting his throat at his swallows. “I-I’ll make sure she doesn’t waste a drop.”

Chan grins proudly. “Good boy.”

You move over to the desk, not caring about the papers that flew off from it, and Vernon casually plants his naked body on the edge waiting for you to hop on him. He strokes up his shaft, using his other arm to pull you up on the desk but without slight stumbling, to which he finds the grip to steady you. “Got you, doll.”

“Thank you, Vernon.” You giggle, arms looping around his neck.

His hands smooth over your ass possessively, gripping it in his wide palms before striking your cheeks. “What a perfect ass,” he lowly growls.

“It is,” Chan agrees, licking his lips and approaching after with his hard, red cock in his hand, “I sure can’t wait to see it bounce on my cock. You first, Vernon.”

The silver-haired man attempts his best to hold you by your legs and lines your entrance. You come to his aid and lower him in your slit to feel your plush walls. You take the moment to adjust to his size, his warmth running shivers down his spine and you begin to feel the tension up your abdomen. “Vernon…”

“So wet and tight…” his hand lowers to your ass, kneading balls of your flesh. “God, you’re perfect.”

Chan gets closer—hand over Vernon’s, which runs that familiar sensation of electricity he’s used to from you—and he helps himself get an advantage. He pulls you slightly to align with your ass and eases in, letting out a dry breath and cussing as if his life depended on it. Your jaw drops at the fullness, the stretch so excruciating that your whines ebb in a long period, comparable to a dial tone. You press your chest to Vernon’s, your breast rubbing against him so lewdly, it took every turn in him to not pump the brakes on his pace. “Gorgeous doll, my perfect doll.”

Your screams become pounding and lingering, moaning their names in ache. “Oh god…”

“You like that?” Chan's hand stings on your skin, firmly grasping you while you take every deep thrust. “I love fucking you. You take my cock so damn well.”

Your head nods in musical rhythm. “More. Please. More…”

Vernon brushing sweaty strands of hair off your face. “You look so beautiful being fucked dumb…” You softly thank him, a swelling sensation in your heart as he embraces your side. He kisses up your face, tasting the salt on your skin. You beg you whine, you take, feeling their uneven pace eventually syncing up in wonderful harmony.

You can’t imagine them going any deeper, that is until they do, bottoming out in you until paralyzing your limbs in shock, only contracting from your stomach. “Oh god,  I’m close…cum in me please…please…”

Chan feels you writhe beneath him, processing the truth in your words, and takes a look over to his friends to meet his eyes. “Are you close too, Vernon?”

Struggling, the man barely comes up with a “yes.”

A corner of his lips picks up before leaning against your back, kissing your soft skin, and fucking you practically balls deep. “Are you gonna cum? Hmm, think about it.” Chan’s sweaty blond strands hitting at his dark brown eyes that entice him like a siren. His teeth dig at his bottom lip, offering a sultry expression with a hint of jester. “Don’t you think they’ll look gorgeous with their pussy full of cum?”

“Chan…” the older boy whines. 

“Come on, they’re begging for it.” Chan’s teeth graze your skin, tongue following their path. “Cum for them. Cum for me, Vernon…”

Vernon's thrusts gets more desperate, needier, and the sound of the blonde's voice holds him like a chokehold. “S-s-shit..” White covers your cunt inside out, pure heat and animalistic release and you tremble uncontrollably on top of him. You kiss him, gratefully, your warm smile touching the blossom of his cheeks. He feels like he’s on cloud nine. 

Chan doesn’t take long to follow up, his cum practically dripping out of you like a geyser. Eyes rolling back, he pumps what feels like endlessly in you, leaking out until he does finally pull out and it inevitably spills on the fur carpet. Not a face of remorse in sight. His breathing takes over him, trying to catch his breath, but prideful more than anything.

Vernon leans into your ear. “Doll, sit on my face, please.”

You’re pleasantly surprised by his request but fulfill his wishes, feeling his tongue lap up the cum dripping out of you like it’s his last meal. You were still sensitive to everything they’ve done, panting like a dog in the summer heat, but this has all been worth it. You barely muster the energy to peer down. Seeing him so enticingly lewd, his eyes look black with lust, while the tip of his nose presses lightly against your clit. He swallows every drop, keeping his promise and it's like heaven all over again.

Chan comes to your side, lips depositing kisses on your skin. “He’s such a good boy.”

At some point, you’re licked clean–another orgasm in its wake–and you're all back against the couch, your sweat-drenched bodies ruining the leather. You let the silence fester, too tired to speak, and let your bodies air dry from the intense physical activity. “So,” Chan laces his fingers through yours. “There’s no monogamous answer for what just happened, is there?” 

Vernon chuckles and shakes his head, taking your other hand. “I don’t think so.”

“Well, in that case,” Chan sits up to look back at Vernon, red in the face and ears. Clearly, he’s hesitant about his confession but there was no turning back now. “Better time than ever to say I had a crush on you in middle school but never admitted it.”

The other man's eyes shoot open, face tickled pink just as bright as the blond, if not brighter. “…me too.”

You let out an amused cough, redirecting their attention to you. “Well, then we never really had that big of a problem, to begin with then.”

They both smile at you before simultaneously kissing your cheeks, then each other, and then all together before the tension starts heating up all over again—

“I hear you horny fuckers in there! Get out of there before I kick your sorry asses!”

[tommykinard6]

DEATH IS AN OLD FRIEND

Tommy struggles with his own mind

TW: suicidal ideation (going back as far as childhood), suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt, passive suicidal thoughts, depression, referenced murder of a parental figure

On Tuesday, Tommy resigns from the LAFD.

On Wednesday, an hour from being Thursday, he finds a lonely bridge and pitches himself off of it.

Not with the intent to kill himself, not yet anyway. He has to sort out his brain first, try to get a coherent thought out of the fog.

His old therapist would have a field day. The shrinks for the LAFD would bench him permanently faster than he could finish speaking.

Tommy’s always had these urges, ones he learned were almost more shameful than being gay. Almost. They came and went, unlike his attraction to men, but they were always quick to come back. He remembered being 6, listening to his dad scream at his mom, and wondering idly if the knife on the counter would kill him if it fell. What it would take to make it fall.

He was 15 and beaten by his father for being caught kissing his best friend and wondered if Thomas Kinard Sr. would kill him. He hoped he would. He didn’t and that was worse.

He was 7 again and knew how to lie to his school counselor about his bruises. He was 12 when he gave up hope of being saved, watching his mother die from a fall that only he knew wasn’t accidental and wishing he was going with her. He was 18 when he joined the army, lying too easily about his own mental health. He’d had many years to learn how to lie. To lie was to survive and at some point, he’d become determined that Thomas Kinard wouldn’t kill him too.

He lied and lied and lied. Sometimes he fooled himself, thinking those days of wishing for his own death were simply a haunting of his childhood. He threw himself into danger, but everyone thought he was simply brave. His old CO did start to look at him funny shortly before the crash that had taken him out of the army, but nothing had come of it.

The time under Gerrard wasn’t worth speaking about. Well, except that Tommy had known about the gas leak. He’d figured it out when his equipment malfunctioned and he’d started to feel woozy. And instead of calling for help, he’d sat down to wait, passing out long before the explosion.

But Howie, Howie had saved him. Not only that, Howie still wanted to befriend him. Then Sal transferred in and he was a total asshole, but he still made Tommy feel safe in a way he hadn’t felt before.

That voice in the back of his mind became easier to ignore then. Hen arrived too and inexplicably was friendly with him even when he was too afraid to be singled out. He wondered if she guessed. Regardless, after Gerrard’s displacement and his own apologies, she’d seemed almost fond of him. He had friends, even just at work, and they helped quiet his mind.

Before leaving the 118, he visited a few bridges. The urges were getting stronger. He knew where the jump would kill him and where it would just leave him bruised.

But Tommy was a coward, and an optimist. At least, he told himself that. A position had just opened at Harbor Station and he’d just gotten his recertification to fly again. Lying through his teeth, saying all the correct things on his psych, it was so natural he didn’t even know it was a lie. Times were changing. Hen was openly queer and so were an increasing number of first responders and patients that he met. So he left Harbor and…well, he didn’t necessarily come out, but he didn’t hide either.

Milton asked him if he was married at dinner one night and Tommy said that he hadn’t found the right man. The world didn’t explode, Tommy was still breathing, and Milton simply hummed in acknowledgement before the other pilots began swapping stories about meeting their significant others.

Tommy’s career had never been better. All he had to do was find the right guy and maybe, maybe, the urges would stop. They were less prominent now, more passive, but they were ever his constant companions.

He had a longer relationship with suicidal ideation than he’d ever had with a person, platonic or romantic.

He dated Adam, who cheated on him. He dated Tim, who was married and didn’t say so. He dated Alex, who wasn’t out and kissed women to keep up appearances. He dated Micah, a trans man who was one of his most solid relationships but who ultimately ended it because he needed to move back home to take care of his ailing mother. Todd, Ethan, Nick, James, all men that expected things out of him that he couldn’t give and used him for everything he had left.

Then he met Evan.

The urges weren’t completely gone, but they’d never been more quiet. He was riding on a dopamine rush every moment he was around Evan, who was what you would get if you slapped together literal sunshine and a golden retriever.

6 months. Not his longest relationship, but completely his happiest.

Tommy wished he could explain that night. He wished he could explain to Evan how when he spoke of a future, all Tommy could think was that he shouldn’t even be alive. How did he get a happy ending, with actions he couldn’t ever fully atone for and demons that told him he was fundamentally broken. Every word Evan said sounded like it was about a different person.

He realized in retrospect that it was the anniversary of his mom’s death. That would explain the weirdness he felt all day leading up to him arriving at Evan’s. Maybe if he’d realized that, realized that the anniversary always put him in a bad place and bad places meant self sabotage and self loathing, he would’ve done something different. What, he didn’t know.

But he walked out of the apartment and didn’t allow himself to go back.

Less than 3 weeks later, he resigned from the LAFD. He wanted to leave with honors and distinction, not be discharged if it went wrong or have his memory marred when he didn’t show up to shift.

That’s how he winds up on the bridge.

His mind is a jumbled mess. There’s pain and desperation in there somewhere, underneath the odd passiveness he feels. But he stands on the bridge and thinks to himself that the only way forward is death. It comes to him as easily as noticing the weather or that it’s too late for cars to be driving on the bridge.

He doesn’t know if he wants to die. Somehow, he just knows it’s the next step.

So he jumps from the non-lethal point of the bridge. He’ll be soaked and bruised, but maybe doing the action his mind tells him to do without the consequences will trigger his brain into telling him what he actually wants. Whether that’s death or life, he doesn’t want to end everything on a passing thought.

He’s never felt so indecisive about dying yet so prompted to try at the same time.

He hits the water and feels nothing.

He doesn’t want to make his own decision. He wants Gerrard, the closest approximation of his father, to hold his hand and shove him off the bridge. He wants Evan to wrap his arms around him and hold him back. He wants someone to tell him that he won’t have to deal with this anymore.

He wants just one guaranteed moment without the thought of death.

He hauls himself up to the bridge, up a steep embankment, and grabs his phone that he left up there. His finger hovers over Evan’s contact, over the call button. Then Tommy locks his phone and looks out over the water.

He leaves, in an hour or so. Death is an old friend and constant companion, but he can’t sort out in his own mind whether it’s actually the way forward.

Maybe this is where other people in his situation call 9-1-1, looking for someone to talk them out of it. However, Tommy is starting to feel that he would need talking into it as much as he needs talking out of it and that thought is what enables his feet to move, taking him off the bridge and to his truck.

He doesn’t drive away until late Thursday morning, when the urge to pee finally breaks through the fog in his mind and he hasn’t yet taken himself up the bridge again.

When he gets to his house, cold and lonely but still his, he grabs his phone and goes to text Evan.

I tried to kill myself

Then he backspaces. That isn’t a fair text to send after 2 and a half weeks. Besides, it’s inaccurate. If he’d truly tried, he would have succeeded. He can’t put any of this on Evan. He has no right.

Instead, he texts Eddie.

***

“So Tommy,” Frank begins, once they are settled into his office. Tommy’s leg is bouncing and he can’t quite settle it. Eddie had sworn that Frank was amazing, even if it sounded like he himself had been reluctant to listen at times. “What brings you here today?”

Tommy can’t speak for a moment, struck by the enormity of the question and of his answer. This is it. He’ll never fly again. But he’d known that. That’s why he quit. All of this couldn’t be for nothing and there is no bridge nearby.

“I don’t know if I want to die.”

[memory-and-sky]

hobie x male reader """""""""dating"""""""" hcs?

okay this is something i can work on and get done relatively quickly. THANK YOU FOR THIS ANON! to everyone who’s sent in asks for fics, they are being worked on, i swear🙏 hope you like this though!

word count: i dunno, it’s a good chunk of headcanons

containing: explicit mention of homophobia, brief description of injury via fighting, small small small sexual reference, hobie brown x m!reader, could be cis or trans but i wrote this with cis males in mind

the rest of the headcanons are under the cut!

“dating” headcanons

hobie brown x male!reader

since Hobie lives in the 70s in Britain, gay rights weren’t really…. y’know, the best.

for your safety and his, the most he’d do in public is holding your hand. and even that was a big sign of rebellion. holding hands with a person of the same sex? how scandalous!

anyway, while holding your hand, he’d love to put both your hands in his pocket, especially if you run cold (like me :P).

he’d totally be the type to rub his thumb slowly on your palm, too.

Hobie knows a lot of people, especially in the queer and punk scenes. he gets invited to a lot of house parties, and feels safer to put your relationship on display more then, but he’s definitely not over the top with it.

a simple arm over the shoulder, around your waist, or a hand in the back pocket of your jeans, though he doesn’t need PDA to show your relationship off.

“Have ya seen this new patch on the ol’ battle jacket? Or this pin? Yeah, my lovely boyfriend made ‘em fo’ me. Gorgeous, innit?” [speaking to a random friend]

“Have ya had the pleasure of meetin’ my boyfriend yet?”

“I thought you said you hated labels…?”

“Mmh, (y/n)’s influential like tha’. Clearly ya haven’t met ‘em.” He’d say, undoubtedly with a smirk plastered on his face.

i really don’t think Hobie would get particularly jealous over you.

of course he loves you with all his little gay heart, but he doesn’t feel insecure or get upset at you or anything if you talk (or flirt) with another guy (as long as you communicate). if anyone is flirting with you and you seem really disinterested, he’ll totally intervene.

maybe hold you in a way that makes it clear you’re together, or explicitly tell the dude that you’re not interested.

but he doesn’t like treating you like an object he ‘owns’ at all, it’s why he’s pretty hesitant to slap the ‘boyfriend’ label down on your relationship right away.

and the 70s were a sexual revolution! revolting against gender norms and relationship norms, stuff like that.

if anybody ever dared ask you two ‘so who’s the man and the woman in the relationship?’ or ‘who’s the top and who’s the bottom?’ Hobie would be dreadfully disgusted and educate them immediately.

speaking of sexual revolution and whatnot, Hobie would be down for polyamory if you were.

you two have a very good line of communication, and if you wanted to open your relationship and communicated that to him, he’d be fine with it.

you’re so great, he gets how other guys might fall in love with you, too.

Hobie would give the best gifts, try and change my mind. whether it’s for your anniversary, birthday, or just a random gift, they’re always handmade.

maybe he’ll make you a piece of clothing like a shirt, hand-pick a bouquet for you, or even customizing/fixing one of your old clothing pieces with a bit of added Hobie flair.

Even small things, like a charm, pin, or patch have so much love put into them because he loves you!

touching on my first point again, homophobia was very present outside of the queer/punk scene, even in some aspects of the punk community he didn’t feel welcome at all.

usually, he’d tell people where to shove their opinion, but sometimes he’d feel completely unsafe to be himself around anyone.

yeah, he’s spider-man, but he’s also a very young adult. he could fight people, and he definitely used to, but he hated coming home to you being worried sick about all the horrible bruises, cuts, and scrapes on him.

back to the lighthearted stuff, he’s definitely the type of guy to cook for you.

doesn’t matter what meal it is, he’s gonna make it for you if he has the chance to. and he actually makes good food, despite living in Britain his whole life.

if you’ve got issues with trying new foods, his place will always be stocked full with your safe foods no matter what.

you’ll eat together, and he’ll gaze dreamily at you, wondering how he ever got so lucky to land such a stellar guy like you.

this man loves coming home after a long day, popping in a VCR for a movie of some sort (TV could be in your bedroom or living room, doesn’t matter), and just cuddling with you.

he doesn’t mind being either the big spoon or little spoon, but tends to like being big spoon cause he likes holding you close to him so much.

he’s very scrawny, but doesn’t mean he won’t love you all the same, and hold you tight.

one more thing, Hobie loves you above all else. he’ll protect you and fight for you anytime you need. when it comes to his partners, he does not play around!!

[mermaidsirennikita]

ARC REVIEW: Something Extraordinary by Alexis Hall

4.25/5. Releases 12/17/24.

The Vibes: queer found family, true love, calling HER daddy

Heat Index: 7/10

The Basics:

Horley Comewithers (or, as he is known for much of this novel, Rufus) is set to marry a woman of his aunt's choosing, despite the fact that he is a) gay and b) in love with someone else. In swoops Arabella Tarleton, twin sister of the man he's pining after. Arabella will secure her own freedom through marriage, and she has a fat dowry—but she knows she's no good for anyone who wants true love. So she proposes a scheme: why not run away together and marry?

What neither Rufus nor Belle realize is that there's a lot more to love than storybook romance, and sometimes the person you're meant to be with is the one you least expected.

The Review:

What an exciting, unique, heartstoppingly lovely book. Do Horley and Belle suddenly fall into the kind of m/f relationship you normally see in romance novels? No. But I would call this a romance nonetheless, because, despite Belle being on the aromantic spectrum (I'm not sure if you'd call her totally incapable of experiencing romantic attraction? I'm not educated enough on the aromantic experience to be certain, but based on what I've read, grayromantic may be a way to describe her?) there's just this like... sense of two people finding each other's soulmates in a way that isn't sexual, and isn't conventional, but also goes beyond standard platonic friendship.

Because Rufus and Belle have friends. They actually have a lot of them, even if the relationships aren't always easy or straightforward... and we see several of them in the form of couples from the two previous books in this series. So I would say that it's best to read Something Fabulous and Something Spectacular first. They're great books anyway, but you pick up on some dangling emotional threads from them and get resolution.

But no, what Rufus and Belle mean to each other is such a special and intense yet soft dynamic... They're truly husband and wife by the end of this book. Their future is together. They also enjoy sleeping with other people (though sex isn't out of the question for the two of them—there's a rather beautiful thing Rufus says about the capacity in which he would enjoy sex with Belle, if it ever happened, that I found remarkable).

What I find so smart about this book, the way so many Alexis Hall books are smart, is that she does confront the way something could be "missing" from Rufus and Belle's marriage. But it's not to do with Rufus's lack of sexual attraction to Belle. That's really not seen as an issue. It's not to do with their lack of monogamy, either (they both sleep with other people, on the page and off). It's to do with Belle feeling that, because she can't experience the type of romantic feeling that she's seen idealized in books, or within the sweepingly romantic relationships she's surrounded by... She is essentially depriving Rufus of finding the thing that she believes he needs.

Belle has been a polarizing character for readers throughout this series. Not for me, personally; she's flawed but hilarious, and clearly has had a good heart from the beginning (even if her choices aren't always... the best). She gets a bit of karmic retribution in this book that I feel some of her haters will enjoy, but it's not over the top, and she's not "redeemed", because there's... no need. But being fully in her head allows us to really get into why she is the way she is, and so much of it is like... Kinda meta?

Like—what would it be to be aro or on the aro spectrum in a fucking romance novel series? What would it be like to clearly love someone and not feel like you can ever love them in the "right" way? I will say, I don't consider myself on the aro spectrum (though shit, this book has made me wonder) but I did relate to Belle in many ways. It put her experience in a very "layman's terms", approachable perspective, which could be less than what the aro community could want? I can't speak for them, again, I do not identify on the spectrum. BUT I do think that if you've literally never read up on it at all, this book probably won't confuse you.

Rufus's development is probably a little less significant than Belle's, but it's still a breath of fresh air to see someone who's like... a bit lost, a bit sad, but also so funny and so willing to fully embrace "the difficult one" for who they are. He really rolls with the punches without ever seeming like a doormat. I also feel that his relationship with Belle would have fallen into "gay best friend" in a lesser writer's hands. But he's given such agency and such determination, even as he's initially drawn into this admittedly kind of zany plot.

No, this is a true queerplatonic relationship, and I love that it's given the space to be that while also receiving a classic historical romance novel treatment (albeit with the same degree of hilarious self-aware commentary this entire series has had—at one point we get an entire 1800s version of like, the Google review system for inns, and it is INCREDIBLE). Rufus does a run for your love. There's only one bed (and like, they are naked in the bed together, but no sex). There's an anvil marriage. It's great.

The only reason why I won't rate this a little bit higher is that I would've loved a teeny bit more Rufus and Belle together on the page, but I also deeply appreciated the roles Bonny and Valentine and then Peggy and Orfeo from the two previous books played in this one. Especially Orfeo. My kingdom for Orfeo, would die for them.

The Sex:

HOT. KINKY. SUPER GAY. You get several on the page sex scenes in this one, and they're all great (and not a one involves Rufus and Belle together, and they're so good with that). You have one f/f scene involving a sort of like... baby lesbian "it's giving missionary as in God" but in a funny way girl...? An m/m scene with a would-be highwayman bookseller guy and his MASSIVE SEA SERPENT (and some role-playing! Of the "oh no, I've never touched one before, you show me how" variety).

And... A spanking scene. Which is the first time I've ever read a man call the heroine "daddy". I was VERY pleased.

This may be the most unique romance novel I've read yet, and I'm so impressed with it. Would recommend to people interested in expanding their horizons (as readers, as people, whatever) or like, just interested in a hot, literally laugh out loud book.

Thanks to NetGalley and Montlake for providing me with a copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

[dreams-of-beloveds]

HORIKOSHI WHEN I CATCH YOU HORIKOSHI

why in the fuck were we left on cliffhanger for the end of season 7. i’m so- i don’t even know how to feel right now, because i wasn’t even expecting us to be left on cliffhanger, and THE NEXT SEASON DOESNT EVEN COME UNTIL AUTUMN R U KIDDING ME how am i supposed to cope?!?? sure i still have the ova’s and the films left to watch bUT STILL MAN I FEEL SO EMPTY RIGHT NOW DAMMIT

god i have so much to say about season 7—not only was watching the todoroki family the most devastating thing ive ever witnessed—their family history is so intricately tangled and i really wonder if touya is still alive (i haven’t read the manga, i hope he is, and i don’t wanna read it online dammit) i want to see them come to a proper closure so bad i need them to be okay with each other even if endeavor isn’t forgiven (which is honestly valid) i want this family-against-touya-to-protect-everyone-else situation to bring them together in some way dammit!

and then we had the togachako moment. oh lord. oh lord i love them, they’re so—yeah sure i see them as a queer ship, but god fucking dammit after hikimo finally came to accepting her smile and her way of showing love being “normal” because of ochaco’s words and coming to the conclusion that all she ever needed was to “give blood like how she wanted to have someone else’s” HIMIKO BETTER NOT BE DEAD DAMMIT DONT TELL ME THAT CONFESSION MIDAIR AND THE SHARING HIMIKO’S BLOOD TO KEEP OCHACO ALIVE WAS ALL FOR NOTHING

oh god and fucking hawks. oh jesus. i wasn’t expecting his quirk to be taken completely. i honestly have no idea what his ending holds, but god dammit i hope he’s alive, i know his worst fear was getting his quirk taken when that’s what made him “the best” in the first place because he was literally groomed to become a hero due to his quirk despite growing up around villains, i can’t imagine how he’d be feeling—but fuck, fuck the burden he must’ve carried for having to kill bubaigawara even though he didn’t want to, he just found a genuine friend when working undercover and yet, he almost had to face the wrath of the sad man’s death legion through himiko oh man i couldn’t stand seeing him just,, fall, after everything

all might, oh, all might. this man is in his 50s and yet still can’t let his work go can he? this damn workaholic. but seeing him with his support items all including his students quirks 🥹💔 this man adores his students so much, if he doesn’t fucking stay alive after defeating afo i’m gonna fucking riot, RIOT I TELL YOU i sure fucking hope this isn’t the ending nighteye had foreseen about all might’s death because i swear to god, hell i fucking know nighteye would’ve been so mad seeing all might go into that war against afo quirkless with only support items he would’ve been MAD AND YK WHAT SO AM I BITCH SO HE BETTER COME OUTTA THIS ALIVE

and hell we don’t even know what the situation with aizawa, present mic and kurogiri is??? WHAT HAPPENS I NEED TO KNOW I NEED THEM ALIVE i don’t fucking know if shirakumo ever comes back, he was dead to begin with, i don’t think he’s gonna but damn can aizawa and hizashi get the closure they deserve? thats all i want for them, for them to be able to work alongside shirakumo’s “soul” one last time and have some form of closure dammit

and well, i left bakugo katsuki at the end of this fucking rant because i need him alive. i remember seeing so many damn parallels of kudo—and how his expression in afo’s hands looked so defeated, as if he was ready to die for yoichi, meanwhile katsuki, fucking bakugo katsuki, he’s not ready to die, yes he fucking moved through that pain to blast one last move in shigaraki’s face knowing there was a possibility of not making it but GOD DAMMIT I DOUBT HE WANTS TO LEAVE IZUKU BEHIND NOT YET and him fucking talking to all might’s vestige. god i genuinely was bawling so much. the voice, the expression, god just looked so, so vulnerably soft which he’s never let himself before, except for when he apologises to izuku to bring him back to UA. but god fuck, how- what- HOW DO I COPE Y’ALL HELP ME SOMEONE TALK TO ME IM LOSING MY FUCKING MIND

there’s so much fucking more i could yap about right now but it’s 1:15 am, my hands are hurting, my eyes are burning from crying so much after it ended, and my brain is dead. i can’t do this man

P.S. as someone who holds too much emotional intelligence and is studying psych, you can never make me hate any villain because i will always understand their pain too well, even if i don’t justify certain actions

[1daroaceficfest]

Welcome to the 1D Aro/Ace Fic Fest! - Currently Posting!

A One Direction Fic Fest centred around all the identities on the aromantic and asexual spectrum

1D Aro/Ace Fest Round I - Masterpost

🩶 Listening to Intuition by lululawrence / @lululawrence = Louis/Harry - Zayn/Liam | 5K | Not Rated | fic post =

Now that Zayn was laying it all out like this, Louis got to wondering… could it be possible that he was never able to get a really good handle on what exactly aromanticism was because he’d never felt romantic attraction, and without that key piece, how could he possibly figure out what it truly meant to be lacking it? Louis has a good grasp of his own identity and how all the pieces of him fit together in his life as a queer man in a committed relationship with his partner. Or so he thinks until his favorite aroace TikTok creator shows him another possibility he may have previously overlooked.

🩶 I'd Rather You (Hold Me) by we_are_the_same / @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed = Zayn/Louis | 14K | Teen And Up | fic post =

He frowns when he hears the dial tone. By now, he knows just how many times the sound will come through, tinny on the speakers, before it clicks over to voicemail, and yet he still feels his heart trip over itself whenever the voice first comes through. “Hi, you’ve reached Zayn-” He sighs, rubbing at his forehead, where his headache always tends to bloom when he’s stressed. “Fuck’s sake,” he grumbles, disconnecting the call and resisting the childish urge to redial immediately, knowing that if Zayn’s not picking up now, he won’t no matter how much Louis bugs him. It’s just - this isn’t like them. It isn’t like Zayn to dodge his calls for days, not unless he’s seriously incapacitated or dead, but if that were the case, Louis would’ve heard. Because Louis is his emergency contact, for one, and both their families know how much they mean to one another. Someone would’ve called, if something had happened, unless Zayn was dead in his own house, and, oh God, what if Zayn’s dead in his own house and Louis has been mentally calling him a dickhead while he’s rotting on the bathroom floor? Spoiler: Zayn isn't dead. There is however, suddenly a baby.

🩶 a little, then suddenly by HoldingOnToChaos / @holdingontochaos = Louis/Harry | 34K | Explicit | fic post =

Written for the Aro/Ace Fest 2024. Prompt 12: Gray-Asexual (demisexual) Harry falls in love and gets attracted to his best friend Louis after fifteen years of friendship.

🩶 A ROad and A ROmance to self discovery by rockstarlwt28 / @rockstarlwt28 = Louis/Harry | 3K | General | fic post =

Louis Tomlinson, a motivational speaker for the LGBTQ plus community finds himself confronted with a student who is determined to derail his presentation. Reaching boiling point and landing in hot water, Louis seeks out a place of serenity. A welcomed presence of additional tranquillity and renowned first class student Harry Styles, accompanies him. Prompt: Louis creates a “guide” to aro/ace for a college presentation and Harry (who had been previously doubting his sexual orientation) realises that he might be aro/ace.....also bonus if you could make it an interactive presentation where there is this one asshole who is constantly arguing with Louis about this not being a sexuality and saying bullshit like 'sexual love is the only form of love' and 'you are just boring' but Louis gives witty comebacks and shuts him up. In the end, Harry and Louis have a chat in a library where Louis helps him with coming to terms with his sexuality.

🩶 It's Not That I Don't Want You by parmahamlarrie / @parmahamlarrie = Louis/Harry | 12,5K | Explicit | fic post =

It begins with a benign comment during a night in watching a show with his lovely boyfriend, Louis, and leads Harry to a months long journey to understand himself better. Will Harry figure out what makes him feel so different from everyone else? And will he find the courage to tell his boyfriend? Or a character study into Ace Harry with the most supportive boyfriend, Louis.

🩶 I Wish You Knew I Love You by SuperNoah / @super--noah = Louis/Harry | 7K | Mature | fic post =

When Harry and Louis met at 16 they instantly became best friends. They still are, even now as they're both finishing their master's at Manchester University, but Harry's jealous boyfriend is trying to drive a wedge between them. As Harry's relationship takes a turn for the worse Louis realises he's fallen in love with Harry. Will Harry stay with James? Or will his jealousy end them for good? Does Louis even have a chance with Harry if he ever becomes single? Demisexual/demiromantic Louis realises something massive about his feelings for his best friend, Harry, over Christmas. But Harry is with James and seems to be happy. Louis would never have a chance with Harry anyway. Harry likes sex and Louis doesn't, he never has and probably never will.

🩶 Just The Way You Are by enchantedlandcoffee / @enchantedlandcoffee = Louis/Harry | 780 | General | fic post =

"Do you miss it?" "Miss what, love?" He could hear the frown in Louis’ voice, and tried to subtly release soothing pheromones into the kitchen "You know...sex and all that." "Where's this coming from, Haz?" Or, the one where Harry confesses his worries, and Louis reassures him.

🩶 Somebody to Love (in the Right Way) by The_Halcyonic_Lachesist / @chai-hat-tea = Louis/Harry | 21K | Mature | fic post =

He fell on his bed, happy tears flowing from his eyes. For the first time, he felt seen. He felt valid. He felt good within his skin. He wanted to dance with joy, for he finally found the answers he didn’t know he needed. Or a story about discovery, acceptance, and happily ever afters.

🩶 Stronger Than the Tide by haztobegood / @haztobegood = Louis & Harry | 3,3K | General | fic post =

The time Louis had spent talking with Harry in the cave had flown by. He was still unsure where the time had gone. Maybe it was because this was the first real connection Louis had made in years. Love and sex did not interest Louis, and it became harder to find good friends. It was different with Harry. Their conversation flowed effortlessly without pressing for more. Despite the hours they spent together in the cave, Louis wanted to keep talking, to share more of himself, and to learn more about Harry. He hoped their paths would cross again soon.

🩶 Let Your Tears Fall (No I Won't Judge You) by LiveLaughLoveLarry (SoLongAndThanksForAllTheFic) / @loveislarryislove = Louis/Harry | 7,9K | Explicit | fic post =

“I want to feel good," Harry says. "I want you to feel good. I just… I don’t know what that looks like.”  Louis nods. “That’s fair,” he says. “Always a bit of a learning curve, figuring out what you like and what you don’t.” He rubs his chin. “What if we just… talk through it? Instead of doing it?”  Harry blinks. “What do you mean?” he says. “I don’t – I just don’t know what-” “I know,” Louis says. “It’s okay.” He brushes his hand down Harry’s cheek, soft and gentle. “I can start,” he says. “Tell you about what I imagine us doing together. And anytime you feel like something isn’t right – you can stop me, and we can figure out a different path.” Harry nods slowly. “Okay,” he says. “I can try.” Four times Harry cries during sex. And four times Louis is right there beside him, giving him all the comfort and support and validation he needs.

If you have any questions feel free to reach out via ask or send an email to 1daroaceficfest@gmail.com

[larry-is-my-anchor1]

Hey Tim, how are you? This may be a bit forward of me, but whenever you decide to make Buddie canon can you consider the following title for the episode: “Do you feel the same? Too scared to say.”?

I just feel Buddie going cannon still may not be in the works for the second half of season eight. It shouldn’t certainly be a big aha reveal either with teaser commercials. It should be gradual and organic. Much like Bucks and Eddie’s relationship. I feel like so much care and respect have been given to them. I think for the most part for all of the characters.

But also there is still so-much work to be done with Eddie delving into his feelings. Show timeline is only three months since Christopher left. I gather much more time won’t have passed when the show returns in March. (😭). I would love to see Eddie work on himself more and repair his relationship with his son. Perhaps get him away from his stupid parents. Who truly are not helping.

I think Eddie still may realize his feelings before Buck though. But maybe Buck will realize before Ed’s. But Buck does not want to be a cliche of falling for his best friend so he won’t act on his feelings? Or maybe Buck in his own time does tell Eddie, but at first Eddie isn’t ready because although he’s finally out he’s scared. I don’t know. They both have abandonment issues, maybe neither of them won’t say anything for sometime?? Their dance is moving away from the point of you fools have always been in-love, to why aren’t you fools acting on your feelings? Buddie is clearly end game. Or should be.

We need scenes with Eddie admitting his attraction to men. Either when he was younger, maybe during his time in the army. Or maybe when he was in high school during the period when he and Shannon broke up. Perhaps the show could explore why Eddie stopped going to church. And his sexual identity was the reason. His faith has no room for homosexuality. But his family and church were still strong influences to stay with a girl. And Shannon was just the perfect person to hide with. Maybe that’s why he ran away at first to the army. He just didn’t know how he got to where he was. Marriage, a baby and being an adult. Whatever that means. They all were so overwhelming. Maybe his parents made him “behave” like the man of the house because they knew for sometime that Eddie was not heterosexual. We need to see his discovery lore and why he hid himself. The shame society and religion put on queer people. But also joy meant being selfish in most religions. To act out on joy brings negative consequences. Eddie isn’t there yet with not punishing himself.

Also been trying to figure out who would want to kidnap Maddie? The kidnapper appears female. Though again not sure. Is it a random distraught person? A serial killer? Someone out for vengeance? Why Maddie? Why does the show have to be all full throttle with drama and also torture us with, well we’re not sure yet how Buddie will go? Why though? After all the eye fucking they have done for the last seven seasons!

Season eight seems all over the place. After watching and rewatching the show a few times I’m having trouble seeing how main story lines and subplots are woven together.

Is it weird I kind of got used to Eddie’s mustache. I know it represents something negative but I like the look on Eddie. He’d actually make a good Magnum PI. Just incase Hollywood wanted a spinoff down the line.

The waiting is torture and it’s only the beginning.

[djpachipikachu]

do graves!leosagi ever get tired of their friends/family labelling them?? like maybe leo’s bros make fun of him for having a “boyfriend” and he gets like rightfully irritated by that ?

its Kinda amusing bc eventually leo’s family at least straight up thinks theyre just really good pals and its like wow ! friendship ! in a more oblivious sense like they just kinda shrug and go oh yeah usagi’s here again whatever

originally mikey was insanely insanely suspicious of usagi and what his relationship was with leo (“hes literally just a friend” “YOU MEAN A BOY-FRIEND. AND U NEVER TOLD US.” “what am i supposed 2 say do i update u guys every time i make a friend” “If I See This Fuckinf Rabbit Sleeping In Your Bed Again I’m Telling Dad” “WE WERE HAVING A SLEEPOVER”) (mikey was mainly shocked bc leo invited a friend to sleepover who they didnt know And leo didnt tell anyone there was an extra mouth to feed for brekkie) but once everything was smoothed over usagi just became another regular, similar to how april is

leo himself tells raph that its a little more than that but only raph rly knows it and hes always had a hunch about them so it didnt change much in how the brotjers saw the two

usagi’s family on the other hand is definitely more “Boyfriend? boyfriend? boyfriend? crush? romance?” kitsune teases usagi about how dramatically romantic it must be to fall for a guy he hated in the beginning and usagi is like . so filled with Eugh. This Is Not Romantic. ick feeling that it causes him to be more in denial at how close he’s gotten with leo (in the beginning at least , later on kitsune still teases him but he’s more at ease with how him and leo are, so he always jusy goes “ew no im not kissing him dates r gross” but over time she toned it down to more “ooh is someone missing a certain kappa?” kinda teasing rather than “whens the wedding/has your first kiss happened yet lmao/etc” kinda teasing)

hana calls leo his boyfriend like all the time and like . usagi doesnt rly correct her bc she’s 8 and he doesnt know how to explain that they “arent Really boyfriends sure they do things that couples would do sometimes but its platonic and well you dont rly know what platonic means uh”

so she gets a pass on all her “IS THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND” comments since usagi is just like “yeagh its leo u wanna say hi”

auntie notices how leo visits a lot and she kinda just is like “okay ur like my kid now. lol.” she thinks they are just best friends bc usagi said they are and who is she to think otherwise, she kinda just absorbs leo (and later on the hamatos) as her own family and doesnt question their relatiomship much

chizu and gen tend to stay out of usagi’s personal business like that But gen did think that leo was a girl for a good while before he was ever introduced to him . and he was like “usagi if you wanna pick up the ladies u need like. do better. than this” “what. What” “like take a shower man” trying to give him flirting/relationship advice without actually knowing leo at all and also assuming usagi is straight

all in all its never really serious if people call them boyfriends or just best friends bc they dont really care to correct anyone it only matters if its like “so did you hit the [insert romantic relationship milestone] phase yet haha” bc that gets tiring to hear constantly

mainly all their family is just like “oh okay” at their relationship since i dont Really want to make the hardships of being aroace or being queer a big point since we already struggle enough with that irl ! a few details here and there about how their unlabelled status confuses some people but generally just a “we’ve seen weirder shit who cares” kinda energy to it

i love rambling . Thank you for the wuestion ily /p

[purlty23]

gonst turned dc follower here, would love to hear your thoughts about bat jokes ❤️

BATJOKES UNDER THE READ MORE

As Im sure everyone knows, theres a toooon of different timelines and universes and Batman iterations out there.

My favorites personally are:

🤡 The Killing Joke

🦇 Batman: The Animated Series

🤡 Lego Batman

🦇 The Batman 2022

🤡 Batman: The Dark Prince Charming

I grew up watching A LOT of super hero cartoons, some older like 1960s Spider-man and some newer like BTAS. Batman the Animated Series was definitely my all time favorite and still is to this day. Cant help being born in the ninties. Its a heavy cross to bare

I just think that there are some universal truths I like to have across all my batjokes, no matter what universe or situation theyre in. I want them UNSANE, UNSAFE, and WEIRDLY CONSENTUAL.

To me they are two guys who never should have crossed paths, but tragedy after tragedy in their own lives led them to the same place on the wrong night and ever since, they've been attached by the same fucked up red string of fate. Joker is obsessed with Batman because Batman helped craft him. Batman is obsessed with Joker for the exact same reason.

Batman thinks "I can fix him". He sees Joker as a fundamentally flawed, extremely dangerous, but most importantly unwell person. He needs to believe that theres hope for people like Joker.

Joker thinks "I can make him worse." His whole life revolves around their games together. He needs to fuck with Batman more than anything else in the whole world. He needs to pull Batman down to his level. If only he could finally get Batman to kill someone, to kill HIM. Then he can finally prove that Batman is just as unjust and chaotic and BROKEN as the rest of the world. No one is above the effects of society (BEATBOXING NOISES)

Joker is not cis at all also. That guy is not a man at all he is a woman. He is a gay man in the she/her way. He is high femme and high maintenance and is NOT A CHEAP GIRLIE. I do think that he does absolutely abuse and mistreat Harley in almost every iteration, I find it so difficult to imagine their story ever turning out a different way simply based on.... Well their relationship is always an awful power dynamic that shouldnt ever have happened.

In a perfect world like Lego Batman I can see them being best friends. Gal pals. Maybe Harley is the first woman who ever makes Joker feel like a woman, and thats special. Sure, Joker is married to his work, but he loves her. He loves her deeply in the way that queer people have been loving each other for hundreds and thousands of years; without label or limits. He cant imagine being without her in his bedroom at 3am on hot Gotham summer nights. The hyenas are just an annoying add on to his already stupidly annoying life. Just like Harley's gf Ivy is.

I was kind of hoping that the new Joker Folie movie would do something cool about Joker and Harley's relationship. But as a DC fan you kind of just learn to deal with disappointment. I havent seen it yet, and dunno if I will. I think if anyone had a shot at being an actually interesting and net positive relationship between them would have been that specific iteration of Joker meeting Harley not as a doctor, but as a pop star. A beautiful, very high in society. A woman who when she speaks, people listen

I also think that Joker should never care too, too much about finding out Bruce's true identity. I think the anonymity of their tussles is an incredibly vital part for Joker. I think it probably perplexes Batman, maybe even disturbs him a little the lengths that Joker will purposefully go to in order to keep the secret. He doesnt want to know AT ALL and yet is utterly obsessed with him either way. The same way that he doesnt ACTUALLY want to kill Batman. Because if he kills Batman, he'll be killing his whole drive for life. He'd be killing himself

Also Bruce is bisexual and also falls in love with so many people in the queer way, thats why hes always checking up on Gotham Asylum patients. His massive evil gotham polycule that he refuses to call that

[writers-wrongs]

I'm begging please yandere gotham oswald cobblepot with a male readers hc

For a queer character there is surprising lack of male reader stuff with him

i think thats bc you can just pretend youre eddie for the experience lmao. but yeah, we need more ozzie content. btw, this is only gonna cover season oneish, mostly bc this man goes through so much and i cant possibly cover it all in one post

yandere!gotham!penguin x male!reader

-you work at fish's club as a waiter, so hes known you for a while. youre one of the only people who treats him with any kindness, the only others being his mother and (sometimes) fish, so he spends most of his free time with you

-he falls for you hard and fast, but he takes a while to recognize it as love. hes been bullied all his life, so he assumes that his feelings for you are just friendship. of course, his mother recognizes her son is in love and gives him a little talk (she assumes its a woman, but her hearts in the right place). once he knows hes in love, he does absolutely nothing with that knowledge

-dont get me wrong, he utterly adores you. youre on his mind constantly. he just doesnt feel like hes important enough to have you yet. why would you ever want a pathetic little umbrella boy? so he stays friends with you, and he starts planning. if he doesnt deserve you now, he'll have to work to earn you

-then the whole "fish tries to have him killed for betraying her" thing happens. and up until he takes over her club, theres not much he can do about you. hes moreso focused on survival at the moment. but when he takes the club, he keeps you around and promotes you to co-owner

-this man spoils you constantly. you want a new suit? he gets you a personal tailor. you say you like a color? the club is covered in it within the week. you say you dont like someone? theyre found dead the next day, and zsasz has a new tally on his arm. anything you want, he takes to the extreme

-aaand now hes fighting for his life again. my poor boy, hes suffered more than jesus and weve only just finished season one. hes now the self-proclaimed king of gotham, and his ego is through the roof. his first act as king? shows up at your doorstep with a bouquet of purple roses and begs you to be his

-if you accept his love, you rule gotham by his side. directly by his side. you two share the throne in the most physical interpretation of the phrase, this man is so clingy. youre never out of his sight for more than an hour, and if you are, all of his men start searching the city for you. oswald practically worships you. to the gotham underworld, youre known as his better half. if someone can convince you to let them live, oswald will listen because thats what his lovebird wants, and what his lovebird wants, he gets

-if you dont, he does his best not to cry. in front of you, that is. he rushes to his mom and sobs for hours. once he calms down, gotham becomes a dark place. no mercy is shown to anyone who messes up, infighting is almost encouraged, and the only rule of the penguin is that youre not to be hurt. people are allowed to affect your life, though. any partners of yours tragically die, youre constantly put into (controlled) danger, your apartment even gets broken into so you dont feel safe at home. if youre not going to embrace oswald willingly, he'll just frighten you into running into his arms

[tillwehavefaces]

I have literally never posted about Buddie before, but I want to add my two cents to the whole Buck/Tommy debate. I know there are mixed feelings and both sides have valid points, but to those who were expecting a Buddie kiss this soon - I don't get it?

Ever since I found out abc had picked up 911, I was and remain cautiously hopeful for Buddie endgame - in fact, the kiss makes me far more hopeful than I was a week ago. Because the truth is that if they'd gone straight for Buddie, it would have been bad storytelling. Offensively bad storytelling.

Hear me out. I agree with y'all that the storytelling that's happened up until now makes it clear that Buddie are in love with each other. I also happen to think that the storytelling that's happened up until now makes it clear that neither of these himbos have any clue that they're in love with each other, or that they even could fall in love with a man.

And it's not for lack of opportunity, if the writers had wanted to go that way, obviously! There's was Buck's reaction to Eddie being stuck in the well and Eddie making Buck Christopher's guardian in his will and both of them almost dying and Eddie having a literal breakdown over all the trauma he's repressed and they've both been to therapy and they've both broken up with women who were all wrong for them ... I could go on and on.

But not only did the writers not take any of these opportunities to make at least one of them realize their feelings for the other might not be platonic (certainly, no explicit indication on screen), but because fox was so afraid of losing viewers if they made both their supposedly straight male firefighters queer, they doubled down on Eddie and Buck seeing their relationship as platonic. Every time one of them went through some kind of life-changing experience and questioned deeply held beliefs about themselves yet never questioned their sexuality, it made it seem less and less likely that *anything* would make them realize they might be queer and in love with their best friend.

Honestly, I think if abc had gotten the show at a different point, they might have been able to go straight into Buddie. For example, a season earlier? Eddie's just gotten through a ton of trauma with the help of a therapist and is returning to the 118, and it would've been easy to write a storyline where he's realized his feelings for Buck and tries to do something about it. Or maybe right after Buck's near-death experience. But they both got through those traumas and started dating new women, as oblivious to the love right in front of them as ever. And that's how S6 ended.

So I don't think there's anything abc could have done to convince me that either one of them suddenly realizes how they feel without something happening. If that Buck/Tommy kiss had instead been a Buddie kiss, I would have loved it, but I wouldn't have really believed it. It wouldn't have felt genuine.

Excuse my nerdy science brain, but it's like inertia - Buck and Eddie have both been going in one direction for so long (the 'we're straight best friends!' direction) that it's going to take some kind of force to knock them off that path. It can't be near death experiences, cause they've both been there and it hasn't worked. It can't be finding new girlfriends or breaking up with said girlfriends. No, it's gotta be something really obvious.

That force is Tommy. A canon gay character who recognizes Buck as queer even when Buck doesn't recognize himself as queer. Who (unknowingly) forces Buck to confront that part of himself by kissing him, which will in turn force Eddie to confront his feelings and reaction to seeing his best friend and co-parent now dating a man. I can't say for sure that Buddie is coming, but I honestly think this (not Tommy specifically, but a queer man who is outside the whole Buddie situation) is the only way to tell this story in a way that makes it feel true to life, given the mess that fox created.

[duckprintspress]

6 Queer Books for Autism Acceptance Month!

April is Autism Acceptance Month, so the group of folks at Duck Prints Press who suggest titles for these rec lists dug into personal favorite queer reads to find these six titles that include queer characters who are explicitly or implied to be autistic. Our picks are:

The Luis Ortega Survival Club by Sonora Reyes

Ariana Ruiz wants to be noticed. But as an autistic girl who never talks, she goes largely ignored by her peers—despite her bold fashion choices. So when cute, popular Luis starts to pay attention to her, Ari finally feels seen.

Luis’s attention soon turns to something more, and they have sex at a party—while Ari didn’t say no, she definitely didn’t say yes. Before she has a chance to process what happened and decide if she even has the right to be mad at Luis, the rumor mill begins churning—thanks, she’s sure, to Luis’s ex-girlfriend, Shawni. Boys at school now see Ari as an easy target, someone who won’t say no.

Then Ari finds a mysterious note in her locker that eventually leads her to a group of students determined to expose Luis for the predator he is. To her surprise, she finds genuine friendship among the group, including her growing feelings for the very last girl she expected to fall for. But in order to take Luis down, she’ll have to come to terms with the truth of what he did to her that night—and risk everything to see justice done.

May the Best Man Win by Z. R. Ellor

Jeremy Harkiss, cheer captain and student body president, won’t let coming out as a transgender boy ruin his senior year. Instead of bowing to the bigots and outdate school administration, Jeremy decides to make some noise–and how better than by challenging his all-star ex-boyfriend, Lukas for the title of Homecoming King? 

Lukas Rivers, football star and head of the Homecoming Committee, is just trying to find order in his life after his older brother’s funeral and the loss long-term girlfriend–who turned out to be a boy. But when Jeremy threatens to break his heart and steal his crown, Lukas kick starts a plot to sabotage Jeremy’s campaign. 

When both boys take their rivalry too far, the dance is on the verge of being canceled. To save Homecoming, they’ll have to face the hurt they’re both hiding–and the lingering butterflies they can’t deny.

Hell Follows With Us by Andrew Joseph White

Sixteen-year-old trans boy Benji is on the run from the cult that raised him—the fundamentalist sect that unleashed Armageddon and decimated the world’s population. Desperately, he searches for a place where the cult can’t get their hands on him, or more importantly, on the bioweapon they infected him with.

But when cornered by monsters born from the destruction, Benji is rescued by a group of teens from the local Acheson LGBTQ+ Center, affectionately known as the ALC. The ALC’s leader, Nick, is gorgeous, autistic, and a deadly shot, and he knows Benji’s darkest secret: the cult’s bioweapon is mutating him into a monster deadly enough to wipe humanity from the earth once and for all.

Still, Nick offers Benji shelter among his ragtag group of queer teens, as long as Benji can control the monster and use its power to defend the ALC. Eager to belong, Benji accepts Nick’s terms…until he discovers the ALC’s mysterious leader has a hidden agenda, and more than a few secrets of his own.

The Many Half-Lived Lives of Sam Sylvester by Maya MacGregor

Sam Sylvester’s not overly optimistic about their recent move to the small town of Astoria, Oregon after a traumatic experience in their last home in the rural Midwest.

Yet Sam’s life seems to be on the upswing after meeting several new friends and a potential love interest in Shep, the pretty neighbor. However, Sam can’t seem to let go of what might have been, and is drawn to investigate the death of a teenage boy in 1980s Astoria. Sam’s convinced he was murdered–especially since Sam’s investigation seems to resurrect some ghosts in the town.

Threatening notes and figures hidden in shadows begin to disrupt Sam’s life. Yet Sam continues to search for the truth. When Sam discovers that they may be closer to a killer than previously known, Sam has a difficult decision to make. Would they risk their new life for a half-lived one?

Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu

Wei Wuxian was once one of the most outstanding men of his generation, a talented and clever young cultivator who harnessed martial arts, knowledge, and spirituality into powerful abilities. But when the horrors of war led him to seek a new power through demonic cultivation, the world’s respect for his skills turned to fear, and his eventual death was celebrated throughout the land.

Years later, he awakens in the body of an aggrieved young man who sacrifices his soul so that Wei Wuxian can exact revenge on his behalf. Though granted a second life, Wei Wuxian is not free from his first, nor the mysteries that appear before him now. Yet this time, he’ll face it all with the righteous and esteemed Lan Wangji at his side, another powerful cultivator whose unwavering dedication and shared memories of their past will help shine a light on the dark truths that surround them.

An Unkindness of Ghosts by Rivers Solomon

Aster has little to offer folks in the way of rebuttal when they call her ogre and freak. She’s used to the names; she only wishes there was more truth to them. If she were truly a monster, she’d be powerful enough to tear down the walls around her until nothing remains of her world.

Aster lives in the lowdeck slums of the HSS Matilda, a space vessel organised much like the antebellum South. For generations, Matilda has ferried the last of humanity to a mythical Promised Land. On its way, the ship’s leaders have imposed harsh moral restrictions and deep indignities on dark-skinned sharecroppers like Aster. Embroiled in a grudge with a brutal overseer, Aster learns there may be a way to improve her lot – if she’s willing to sow the seeds of civil war.

What are your favorite queer books with Autistic rep? We’d love to hear about them!

You can access this list as a bookshelf on Goodreads!

Did you know? Duck Prints Press has an affiliate shop on Bookshop.org – and you can access all our rec lists (including this one!) there to facilitate purchasing the books. If you buy with us as your affiliate book store, authors get royalties, Bookshop.org gets a cut, and we get a small percent of the purchase price too – everyone wins!

[shadowsandsunset]

The BuckTommy OF!Buck fic (with eventual BuckTommyEddie)

PART ONE

PART TWO

PART THREE (You Are Here)

PART FOUR (Had to split part three, it got too long, posting soon)

notes: No smut, but 18+ to be safe.

Eddie figures himself out. Buck, Tommy, and Eddie talk.

Tommy remains amazing, Eddie falls in love. <3

3000-ish words. Ooops.

I should also find a title for this eventually, for when I post on AO3.

From this post here.

Weeks go by before Eddie feels ready to talk to Buck.

He's been reading about compulsory heterosexuality, polyamory and queer platonic relationships; he's been watching queer media and movies; he's been exploring himself, his body, in a new context.

He talked to Hen and Karen and they pointed him in the right directions: queer bookstores and gay bars and how to find the information he needs to let him get a new feel for how he fits in the world.

So, he's ready. Or, well, he's as ready as he can possibly be and too impatient to wait longer.

So, he has to face things. Face Buck. Face his desperate horniness for his best friend and his best friend's boyfriend. Face the fact that he's in love with Buck. Face the fact that he could see himself falling for Tommy, too. To be with both of them, not a love triangle but a love circle, a hand reaching for each of them, a completed circuit.

Does he know that they'll be into it? No. Is it moving too fast? Absolutely. Is he even out to anyone but Hen and Karen? Nope. Is he slowly going insane? You know it.

But in his head and in his heart, he knows what he wants: a king size bed, a walk in closet, two of the best men he knows to raise his son with him, a house full of love and nights full of the kind of things he can't speak about without blushing.

He's watched so much gay porn these past weeks to get a grip on what he likes, what he doesn't like, and what he would like to do to another and what he would like done to him. The first time he came from having his own fingers inside of his ass? Revolutionary. He doesn't have a preference, top or bottom, or, ideally, both. Oh yeah, he's imagined being inside of Buck as Tommy is moving inside him, using him, to fuck both of them. When he came imagining that scenario he thought he was going to pass out, his heart beating so fast.

So now all he has to do is talk to Buck and Tommy. Buck first, then the both of them together.

He's standing outside of Buck's apartment building and getting ready to go up. He's terrified. The ways in which this can go wrong are innumerable. But, they've been through worse together. They'll talk it through. Buck won't hate him for this, he just has to remind himself of that.

Really? That's the best he's got at the moment outside of just info-dumping everything he's read about?

But what does he say?

"Hey I accidentally saw your porn and it made me rethink my entire life and sexuality?"

He's nervous, he's scared, he's absolutely getting ready to turn around and run when he sees Tommy approaching.

"Hey man, didn't know you were hanging out tonight." Tommy motions at the building in front of them.

Eddie just nods, "Yeah, uh, he doesn't know I'm here, actually, and I…fuck."

Tommy peers at him, eyes taking in how nervous Eddie is, the fidgeting and sweat pooling at his hairline.

"Everything ok, Eddie?" Tommy puts a hand on his shoulder, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Eddie freezes when Tommy's hand makes contact with his shoulder, his skin heating up at the touch, but then he feels himself relaxing.

Maybe it would be better for him to talk to Tommy first, another gay man, who might understand what he's going through.

He won't mention that he wants to fuck them, Buck and Tommy, he'll just talk about what he has discovered, yeah, that'll work.

And then he can talk to Buck when he's a little calmer.

He turns to Tommy, "Yeah, I think I do. Want to talk about it. But you're here to see Buck and I don't want to keep you."

Tommy smiles, "I'm actually early, so he's not expecting me yet if you want to talk." He motions to his truck, "We can sit down for a bit, if you want."

Eddie agrees and climbs into Tommy's truck, as Tommy climbs in and turns it just so the A/C is running and music plays softly over the radio.

"So, are you ok?" Tommy asks, gentle and quiet.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm ok, Chris is ok, nothing like that. It's just…"

Eddie twists his hands together, squeezing his finger in a little pinch, just to ground him.

"So…a while back I, uh, I realized something. Something about myself. Something I wasn't ever able to realize before, growing up in Texas and being…well, married young, had a kid young, joined the army… It was just…" He trails off, looking out the window.

"Ah," Tommy breathes out, "I see. And when did you realize…that you're?" Tommy leaves the end of his sentence as a question, let's Eddie fill in the blanks.

"That I'm. That I'm gay? Weeks ago. Almost two months now. I, uh, went to Hen, and Karen, and they were really great about it, taught me things, places to go to learn, and I guess…" Eddie takes a deep breath, holds it for a second, "I guess the way I grew up, it was be straight or bust. It was the only option. I remember being like, younger than Chris is, and the things people would say, not just about queer men, but about masculinity and the expectations of it, the 'right way' to be a man. And I just… didn't let myself think about it. I did what was expected."

Tommy nods, "I was at the 118 under Gerrard. He was not an accepting man, and I knew, I realized about myself, but it wasn't allowed, and it wasn't until Hen came and shook us all up that I had any hope of it ever being different. So it seems we both owe Hen a giant fruit basket." Tommy winks at the last, and Eddie bursts into jovial titters, relief that somebody else gets it.

Eddie giggles trail off. "It's ok, right? I'll be ok?"

"Yeah, you'll be fine, better than fine. Because you already have people who love you and will accept you. And I'm here for you, too."

Eddie releases the breath he feels like he's been holding his whole life.

"There's something else, and I, I'm not sure I should even mention it. The thing that made me realize and rethink and all that?" He looks at Tommy in the eyes, "I saw a video on a porn site."

He stops, looks away, looks out the window, everywhere but at Tommy's patient, lovely face.

"It was from OnlyFans. It was you and Buck. I didn't know that Buck had one. He's so open with so much and closed about other things, and I don't know why I watched it, I just recognized him, his back, his scars, you know? And I clicked on it and I watched it and," he curses low under his breath and looks at Tommy again, "I've never come harder in my life."

Tommy's eyebrows are raised in surprise, his mouth is open in a little gasp, and Eddie feels himself burning in shame. He can't help it. It's awkward.

Tommy, whose brain seems to kickstart back into gear, laughs lightly.

"When we first became friends, before I got with Evan, I thought you two were together. You were so close, you know? But now, Eddie, I've been a part of both of your sexuality awakenings and I have to admit it's a good little ego boost."

Eddie smiles at Tommy, "You're incredibly attractive, Tommy. You have to know that, right?"

Tommy smiles back, ever gentle, "Thank you. But, uh, I'm with Evan. And I don't cheat, especially not with my partner's best friend. And I don't think you're that type of guy, either."

Eddie feels something warm in his chest, a small bit like what he feels for Buck, a candle flame versus an inferno. Oh, he could love this man.

"No, I'm not. And I didn't mean to imply that, anyway." He gathers his inner strength, "But have you heard of, uh, polyamory?"

Tommy blinks, "Polyamory. The three of us? Or open? Because…Eddie, I like you, but I don't want an open relationship, not with anyone, but especially not with Evan. I love him."

Eddie shakes his head, "Not open. Just…I've been imagining it for weeks. I love Buck, I'm jealous of you, truly, and I wish I had got my head out of my ass sooner. But I love him, am in love with him, and have been for way longer than I realized, if I look back on things. But Tommy, you're also a wonderful person, and I can absolutely see myself falling for you, in addition, not in replacement of Buck."

"I don't know, Eddie. I have no idea if this would work, or if Evan would even be willing. Am I attracted to you? Well, I have eyes, so yes. But… Maybe you should talk to Evan. Or maybe I should. I don't know."

Eddie places his hand over Tommy's bigger one, "I'm not going to try and steal him from you. I love him, yeah, and it'll suck to see him with somebody else, but I am not a homewrecker. I want you both. I've spent a lot of time fantasizing about it, actually. This is something I've thought through, and I know that this is a sudden and unexpected thing, and maybe I'm just in my head, which is why I didn't bring it up until now. Now, I'm sure. And maybe you and Buck aren't interested, but, I really think this could be amazing."

Tommy sits quietly for a few moments but doesn't pull his hand away from Eddie's. He glances at the time on the radio. "You should come up with me, I believe you when you say you won't try to steal him, but I know he loves you, Eddie. You won't have to try."

Tommy looks sad, resigned, like he knows the outcome. Eddie feels his heart break, he already knows how that feels. He won't let them lose this man, not if he can help it.

"He loves you, Tommy. I'm not going to make his decisions for him, but I'm not willing to cast you aside either; not now, not ever. Cause yeah, I love Buck. But I'm pretty sure I'm already halfway in love with you, and I know you don't trust that yet, but I'll show you, if you and Buck will give me a chance."

Tommy turns off the ignition off and climbs out of the truck, Eddie following after.

They make their way upstairs and into Buck's apartment, Buck greeting them warmly but seeming to pick up on the tension.

"So, uh, what's up?" Buck scratches the back of his neck, confused and wary.

Tommy nods at Eddie, giving him the floor. Fuck. Fuck, ok. Go time.

Eddie takes in a deep breath, releases it. This is it. This is where his best friend either breaks his heart or gets awkward or Tommy ends up being right and that doesn't sit well with Eddie at all.

So he goes for it.

"Sit down, Buck. I think you need to be sitting down."

Tommy is leaning against the wall, looking nervous and ready to bolt, like his heart is already broken. Fuck, that's not what Eddie wants. He has to do this right, put his years of therapy to good use.

Buck sits. Eddie stays standing, paces a bit but doesn't take his eyes off either of the other men.

"So. Uh. A couple of months ago, I watched something. Something I should have never seen."

Buck seems to understand, going pale, stuttering out a disbelieving "what?"

Eddie continues, "I'm glad I did see it. It put things in perspective for me," he makes air quotes, "brought forth the real me".

He stops pacing, settling down next to Buck. "I recognized you, I'll always recognize you, your scars and freckles and skin. I know you probably thought no one would, but I could recognize you in the dark, underwater, anywhere. I'm sorry, that you probably didn't want me to see that."

Buck seems to be close to breaking down, breath heaving, eyes looking for Tommy who nods back at him to keep listening to Eddie.

Eddie takes Buck's hand in his, comforting as he can, and continues.

"I realized I'm gay because of that video. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, I know that we don't keep things from each other but I was struggling to understand how I could go so long without realizing. But I wanted to tell you, tell you everything."

Buck snaps his head to look at Eddie, "You're gay?"

"I'm gay. I can explain about compulsory heterosexuality and the way I grew up, later, but I needed to tell you."

"Why do I feel like I am still missing something?"

Eddie looks at Tommy, motions for him to take a seat on Buck's other side and then waits for him to do so.

"Buck. Buck, you're my best friend, my kid's other Dad. I love you." Buck looks at Tommy, Tommy looks at Eddie, Eddie looks at both of them: Tommy tucked up behind Buck's back, protective, Buck leaning on Tommy but reaching out for Eddie's hand.

Eddie takes a few quick shallow breaths, and then starts again.

"I love you. And you are one of the most important people in my life and I am terrified of losing you. I know you love Tommy, and that's wonderful, Buck, I'm so happy for you both. I love you, and I'm in love with you," he hears Buck's breath stutter, but he continues, "I'm in love with you, and Tommy is someone who is so amazing, and I think I'm falling for him too, for all the same reasons you did."

"What the fuck."

Buck pulls his hand out of Eddie's, Eddie feels his heart shatter. Oh no.

Buck stutters, "You, you what? You realize you're gay and then you tell me you're in love with me AND my boyfriend, and what? I'm supposed to choose? You or him? That's fucked up. And you think you're falling for him? So what? Are we all just supposed to date each other?"

Eddie interrupts before Buck can spiral further, "Yeah, ideally. If you want that, and if Tommy wants that. Because that's what I want."

Buck stops, looks at Tommy, looks back at Eddie. He stands, pulls Tommy up with him, then points at Eddie.

"Stay here."

Tommy and Buck go into the bedroom and Eddie can hear their voices but not make out words. He can't help but think that he's ruined everything.

They're gone for what feels like hours but is only about twenty minutes. Buck's eyes are wet and shiny, but his cheeks are dry, if red. Tommy is following Buck, quiet but looking steady.

Buck approaches, sits back down, Tommy standing behind him, supportive and protective, and Eddie can't help but appreciate the strength of Tommy, not just the physical, but his emotional and mental. These men. These men are something truly special.

Buck begins speaking, "Ok," he takes a shaky breath, "Tommy and I think it's best if we approach this like any relationship, even if we already know each other, we should, uh, date. We should learn how this'll work, if it'll work, and take it slow, or, as slow as feels right."

Tommy nods, "Evan and I didn't jump into things either, for what it's worth. And I know this is new for you, and I don't want to rush this and things go south." He shrugs, "But we agreed to give it a shot."

Eddie feels something inside of him relax. "So, I didn't ruin everything?" Fuck, that's not what he meant to say.

Buck's expression goes tragic for a second before reaching to pull Eddie into a hug, "Eddie, no. Even if this doesn't work out, you're always going to be my family, you and Chris. It just might be awkward for a bit but we've been through too much for anything to ever get between us." Buck grins, playfully, "Except for Tommy, sometimes, I mean, we'll have to take turns being in the middle, right?"

Eddie and Tommy both laugh, relieved.

"Right." They agree in unison.

They sit and talk for a while, joking and smiling, flirty comments and all.

Before Eddie heads home for the night he stops, turning to the two men.

"I know we said we'd take it slow, but I, I haven't kissed a man before and I really want to kiss you, both of you…if that's ok?"

Buck and Tommy share a look then nod. Buck takes Eddie's face in his rough, warm palms and kisses Eddie gently, sweetly. Eddie feels like he has honey in his veins, warm and syrupy. He relaxed into the kiss, it feels good, so incredibly good, great, spectacular. It's a simple kiss, no tongue, but it's confirmation of what he knows to be true.

Buck pulls away and Eddie is slow to open his eyes, overwhelmed with gratitude and affection.

"Wow." He takes a breath, "Yeah, ok, damn."

Tommy smiles at him, "I had the pleasure of being Evan's first kiss with a guy, I thought he would like to be yours."

Buck nods, "Absolutely."

Tommy pulls Buck into a hug with one arm and Eddie with the other, and they wrap around each other, and it feels right, it feels like he is where he belongs and Eddie could cry, if Tommy didn't tilt his face up to kiss him.

Where Buck's kiss was soft, almost chaste, Tommy kisses him with a bit more pressure, and it's wonderful. Eddie isn't a small guy by any means but being held by these two men makes him feel small, but not in a bad way, more like being cherished.

Tommy pulls back, kisses Buck on the temple. Eddie feels his heart pounding.

"Thank you." Eddie says, voice wavering with emotion.

They make plans for their first date together, and Eddie wants to take flight, soar through the sky on wings he doesn't have, he's so happy.

[l0verb0t]

jason todd × m! reader. | home bound.

SUMMARY: In many aspects, Jason still has a long way to go. But at the very least, he knows his loved ones accept him, even when he isn't entirely sure who he is yet. WARNINGs: physical contact & references to j.oker. WORD COUNT: 2300+ NOTEs: This is a queer Jason fic. It was originally written for him to be gay, but after finishing it, it can be interrupted in other ways, such as a bi and/or aro-spectrum Jason. This is somewhat based on the experience of having difficulty discovering and accepting oneself. The reader insert is referred to by he/him pronouns, doesn't have any dialogue, and is described with hair in a singular sentence. He's also referred to by the petname, "pretty boy."

Questions of his sexuality popped up every now and then. Half-assed responses only followed when they came from a close friend or even one of his family.

Jason didn't see the need for it. After all, his attention was on the criminals of Gotham; he didn't have the time. Why question something he already thought he was sure of when there are bad guys afoot.

In hindsight, that might've just been an excuse.

Sure, his attraction to women was always a hit or miss; that was normal. Yeah, sure, every relationship he's had with them has either ended with him slowly realizing he liked them better as friends or with them trying to kill him, but that didn't mean anything.

But then the two of you started growing closer over time.

He didn't mean for it to happen, but it was already too late for his scarred heart when he found himself slowly falling for you. Those feelings underneath began to burn the walls he built over his life and left him without a clue as to what to do with them.

Still, he had his fair share of experience. Though flirting wasn't his fortay, and there was no way he was going to rely on advice from his brothers, he tried.

It was all so new, and he didn't want to mess it up, but he nearly did just that. Tried as he might, he was still his father's son.

When it all wasn't going according to plan, he thought the best solution was to start ignoring those feelings, hoping they would fade over time so he wouldn't have to keep being so distracted and nervous around you all the time. Instead, it only made you two drift apart, and he would've continued if not for others' meddling.

Dick tried to be subtle.

Watching the docks from a skyscraper nearby, Jason contemplated rushing into the warehouse just to get away from Dick's constant pacing.

He pulled binoculars from his eyes to look back at his brother. A loud sigh was forced out of him at the sight of him. Dick was balancing on the edge, his arms held as high as the ends of his lips.

"Can you focus?"

With a scoff, he crouched down beside him. He nudged his fist into Jason's shoulder, looking him in the eyes through their masks.

"You should get out more; you're starting to sound like Bruce."

Dick plopped down onto the concrete railing, ignoring the rain that had settled on it.

They could've been up there the whole night, but eventually a car, far too fancy for a regular person in the city to own, pulled up to the warehouse. Jason pushed the other's face away when he tried to steal away the binoculars.

A short man in a well-fitted suit crawled out a moment later, brushing off a guard who tried to help him out.

"Ready to hunt a flightless bird?"

Dick was back on his feet by the time he looked back, stretching his arms side-to-side.

"Oh boy, do I."

Jason ran past him.

The pace he kept up as the two dashed their way down through the buildings below never ceased, and yet Dick still found the time to chat.

"Y'know, I know a girl you'd really like."

Jason had to catch his breath, but Dick ran by him without trouble, flicking him on the helmet and ducking away when he tried to reach for him.

"I could set you two up."

Despite the cold air that was rushing through his lungs, he almost laughed. Pushing past the exhaustion, he made his way over to the other man, who was looking over their city.

"Or a guy."

He didn't look back at Dick as they both stood on the roof.

Eventually, Jason leaned in to nudge his shoulder into his, pointing at the warehouse with his free hand.

"Or—" He stuffed the binoculars into Dick's hands. "You could focus on the mission."

And with that, Jason went ahead without another word, refusing to look back.

Tim and him were no closer than he was with Bruce; their growing bond strained by the multiple attempts Jason made on his brother's life. Small talk wasn't usually on the table.

Jason tried to convince him that it was just something he had to get used to in the vigilante business. Kin hurting kin. Tim wasn't so convinced.

A few days after their previous team-up, Barbara sent him a message. Apparently, she needed more evidence and, thus, needed his help again. Easy said, easy done. What he didn't expect was the company.

Why she gave him coordinates in the first place was lost on him, considering they were going to be meeting in the most obvious place.

He spent more time than he'd like to admit climbing up the clock tower, but that's besides the point. He dropped in through the hatch without any further problems and then stood there in silence.

Something felt off.

Barbara was nowhere to be seen, and just as he was about to search for her, the phone she gave him buzzed in his pockets. A new message was on the screen.

I needed to check in with my dad. I'll be there as soon as I can.

Bzzz.

Don't kill each other.

He took a deep breath, and then the lights came on behind him. Holding up a hand to shield himself from the light, he caught the colors of bright red and black through the space between his fingers.

As his eyes adjusted to the room, there stood Tim, who looked as exhausted as Jason felt. He was leaned up against a bookcase, holding one of Barbara's ridiculous mugs.

They stared at each other until Tim finally said something.

His posture immediately fixed under Jason's gaze, and he set the mug down as he spoke, "Nice to see you again, Red."

Jason looked up at the security cameras. Nope, they were on. Damn.

"Can't say the same. What are you doing here?"

Tim settled his elbow down so his head could lie in his gloved hand.

"Babs asked me to help."

"She tell you I was coming?"

Tim nodded and Jason wanted to wipe off the smile he sent his way.

"Then why didn't she tell me?"

"She thought you wouldn't come."

There were more important things at hand, but his gun was looking rather appealing in the moment. Still, only a deep sigh came as he clawed his hands down the face of his helmet.

"I can put aside how annoying you are to help Gotham."

Tim didn't say anything afterwards, only rolling his eyes. They didn't talk for awhile after that.

Jason occupied himself by digging through the evidence Barbara had put away and slumped into one of the spare chairs nearby. Under a watchful eye, he flipped through the files without a second thought.

Seeing as they were the only living things in the tower, it would be hard not to notice how finicky Tom was being.

In the farthest corner, he made a habit of checking his phone barely every minute, his legs bouncing just as repetitively.

Jason had to hold back a groan when he asked, "What's got you in a hurry?"

He didn't respond at first. Jason braced himself for the awkward silence that would follow.

"I have a date later tonight."

Now there was something interesting. The files were placed back on the desk.

"You? A date?" He almost laughed. "Impossible."

Despite it, a smile grew on Tim's face. His mouth opened without a sound and slammed shut just as quickly. Might as well entertain the kid.

"Who did you get lucky with?"

"Bernard. His name is Bernard."

"Bernard?"

He probably should've been more enthusiastically supportive, but all he could muster was a nod before he went to stroke his chin in thought. When his head dipped to the side, he caught the waiting eyes of his brother.

"Of all the people you could've scored a date with, it had to be a Bernard?"

A pillow, undoubtedly pulled from another chair nearby, was thrown as his head.

Barbara, on the other hand, tried a different approach.

Peering over a cafe, Jason balanced himself on a ledge with a cup held up to his scarred lips. He slid his helmet back on after a big gulp to spare himself from the cold air.

Their mission was nearing its end. A bitter farewell was on the way, but through the static from their coms and the freezing weather, they were able to find joy in the moment.

"So."

On the other side came the sound of a chair being pushed, the wheels creaking as she drew out her response.

His voice, distorted and lowered inside his mask, hummed back.

"So?"

"How about that guy you've been telling me about?"

The coffee sliding down his throat was nearly coughed back out. "What?"

"I just want to hear how he's doing." Her words were followed by laughter. "With the way you talk about him, you make him seem like the greatest person you've ever known."

He simply said it how he saw it, and yet with her, he didn't know what to say.

"He just means a lot to me."

"Of course."

He found himself hoping that was the end of it, but Barbara never relented.

"You should tell him that yourself."

Before he could ask, she continued.

"You know as well as I that Bruce isn't the best at verbalizing his feelings." A pen was being repetitively tapped on her desk. "He tries, but he still holds himself back when it comes down to it."

She heaved a sigh. "We both know the kind of problems that arise with that. So don't take after him in that regard."

"Duly noted."

Jason was able to finish his midnight "lunch" without any further interruption. At most, he was being bombarded with information she was dumping on him as he tried to finish a chicken sandwich. That peace didn't last long.

"You should introduce me to him one day."

He had just about finished crunching up a paper bag when she said that, stuffing it deep into his pockets.

"Maybe we could make it a double date."

And with that, he hopped from his crouched position, wiping his hands in the air.

"You know what, I think it's time I went to check on that hunch."

"Oh, now you do?"

Her laughter followed him down alleyways, and it brought a smile to his face.

As annoying as they could be sometimes, he had to give them credit. They all helped in their own little ways. But as much as he trusted them, he wasn't yet comfortable telling them about his current martial statues.

He knew well the kind of danger he was putting you in just by being around you, but even if word didn't get out, his mind provided more than enough horrific scenarios that could happen.

It wasn't long before he moved in with you. It took some convincing that you'd be safer if he lived with you than across the city.

Returning from a one-man mission, he was gone longer than he thought it would take. Still, it had to be done. The streets of his home were safe, at least for a night.

He dug through the pockets of his jeans, cursing when he kept pulling out trash. Eventually, a key was pulled from the wrappers. The relief he felt was the most he felt all week when a click came from the door. It opened with a creek, and the darkness inside greeted him.

Boxes of his personal possessions were still scattered across the apartment, full of stuff he knew would be better kept with you than in one of his warehouses.

He slammed the door behind him shut. No noise came after that.

We really need a security system.

The promise of rest nearly overtook him as he dropped his bags to the floor, almost falling with them.

Jason's voice rang out against the fragile walls. "Oh, honey, I'm home."

The couch looked comfortable enough, but a bed with his boyfriend persuaded him enough to drag himself down the hall to another closed door. As quietly as he could, he opened it.

He found what he was looking for, back turned and huddled in cloth, as did his paranoia. Jason was by your side in an instant, pulling your face to the side so he could see it through the dark.

In the place of the wide smile or the red he thought would be on that face, all he found was you sleeping soundly.

A hand trembled up the side of your neck until he was grasping your face. He soothed over the patch of black underneath your eye with his thump and then sighed. Maybe he wasn't as over it as he thought.

His eyes fell back to his clothes, littered with drops of blood. He backed away to begin changing out of his suit.

Pulling his shirt over head, he had to make sure not to slip on the pile of clothing surrounding his feet. By the time he looked back up, he was looking back into tired eyes.

He stopped in his tracks and smiled back at you.

With his arms stretched high, he made sure not to raise his voice: "Enjoying the view, pretty boy?"

Before you could leave the bed, Jason was back by your side, pushing away the strands of hair in your face. With his thighs braced on the bed, he leaned down to place a kiss on your head.

"Did I wake you up?"

After your nod, he was crawling into bed. He dug his face into your shoulder, and the smell of his body wash fell over him. Jason began to pull you closer to his fast-paced heart.

"I missed you, too."