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thedeviljudges · 3 years ago

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yohan + physical tough + trauma response

disclaimer: this is based off of eps 1-7, and preview of ep 8; i wholeheartedly recognize that this post may become the worst meta ever depending on how the rest of the show goes. however, i do think there are still some interesting things to note about yohan. a lot of this is also me just talking shit out as i was sifting through all the eps again. i’m more than willing to change my mind or hear other thoughts.

also i kinda, sorta, unnecessarily included all of the moments of yohan and any physicality. a lot of them are not super important, but i do think they help draw a distinction in how he reactions when surprised, alone and around other people.

so, here’s a long ass post that is literally 99% me bullshitting, lmao.

so i wanted to delve more into yohan’s response to physical touch by way of trauma. while i know a lot of us have pieced it together, i think it’s pretty cool to lay it all out visually because i think there’s much more justification for his reactions; not to say it makes it right, but it does really flesh out a fundamental part of his characterization that i think is highly, highly important to understand.

yohan lives on the cusp for reckless behavior, almost as if he doesn’t care whether he lives or dies. the car chase, running through industrial buildings where safety isn’t a concern, etc.

episode one

the first time we see an instance of his disinterest in physical touch is when he first meets gaon. he actually offers him his hand, but the way he goes about it isn’t a handshake. he almost looks hesitant, and then he squeezes and does not shake. it’s truly a split second gesture out of formalities. granted, he’s just met someone he thinks looks like isaac, and might be in a little bit of… not shock, but certainly distracted.

later in the episode, yohan is in an abandoned building with homeless people. he’s checking people’s wrist, but he’s quick about leaving them alone. until, a homeless man comes up behind him and grabs him. in response, yohan swings his arm to knock him off. then, he punches him, steps on him and decides whether he’s worth the effort. again, granted, no one likes to be surprised in a creepy situation like this, so his response? kinda understandable at this point.

next is the scene where yohan catches gaon in his office, where he pushes him against the bookshelf and kinda, more or less, comes off as a bit luring. we know yohan knows gaon’s lying, but a couple of things here. yohan initiated the physical contact, and he did it because of the suspicious nature of gaon. yohan also knows how to use his power and charms to catch people off guard, and i think really, he was messing with gaon when he brushed his shirt and asked him if he lived alone. gay as fuck, lmao, but i also see it as an intimidation tactic, in a way.

i could also pose a couple of theories aside from intimidation if we wanted to squint:

yohan is still in a state of awe of gaon’s resemblance to isaac. he’s not heard his voice or been around the other man for at least 10 years, and now there’s tangibility at his fingertips.

if we want to look at it from the gay perspective, gaon is clearly intriguing to yohan, and as i’ll note further down in this post about yohan in relation to physical touch, i’m sure it could be assumed that this is one of the first people in a long time that yohan has an interest in making a connection with. however, because of his upbringing, it’s clear he does’t necessarily know how to connect with people (ie. ep 7 trying to connect with elijah, eps 1-6 with him trying to non-verbally tell gaon that he has bigger plans than what’s in front of his face. his admission in ep 5 about being monster). more or less, he knows his charms can be used, but when it comes to actually flirting and/or liking someone? it’s left to be addressed, but could be assumed he’s just as awkward about it as when we see him at home.

we also see a small instance of him letting someone dress him. there’s still touch involved, but it’s very clear what the intention is. he has control over the situation, and it’s not a surprise.

the next time he engages in physical touche, again, he initiates it because he’s in control, and it’s meant to be comforting, to an extent.

and then to round everything off, we actually see him reaching for isaac, who is actually gaon in the court scene, but you know storytelling and all that. he reaches for him both in the courtroom and within a flashback.

him reaching out for isaac seems to be a motif within the show as it happens later on, of which i’ll point out.

episode two

we see him initiate a handshake again. at first, to gaon, and then with jinjoo. controlled situation.

later on in the episode is when we see our first glimpses of batshit crazy yohan, an absolute delight and fav, lmao. he actually reaches out to the spoiled kid, and it’s clearly to legitimize intimidation and a position of power.

okay look, i’m not even gonna front, this was a cute scene. when jinjoo gets out of the car, he checks to make sure she’s okay, and they have this moment before they go onto the red carpet where they smile at each other. yohan is confirming she’s okay, and she agrees. again, controlled, and i don’t know for certain if yohan is more comfortable around women, or it’s just mere fact that he doesn’t always have a problem with touch when the situation is safe. he actually lets her take his arm further on in the scene, and yes, it is a public display of niceties, and he knows that.

so in the midst of this happening, we get the ‘devil child’ story. and i want to make note of the bird scene because i do think it’s important to note that people yohan cares for, he’s willing to go to the ends of the earth to protect them. yes, they’re children in school, but the girl next to him is the only one who showed him an ounce of kindness, and yohan is proven to remain loyal to those he loves or trusts in some capacity.

of course, he ends up pitting the rich and the poor kids against one another for their betrayal and making him an outcast. in yohan’s mind, what he did wasn’t necessarily wrong because his sense of justice is based on protection and when people wrong him or those he loves, it’s seeking justice on their behalf or making the situation better - not in the technically right way, but right to him. yohan comes across as a fixer and problem solver.

yohan has a very, very strong sense of trust and loyalty, and we can assume that stems from isaac, who clearly tried to protect yohan from his father, who went out of his way to do so as best as he could as a young kid. yohan values loyalty not because he necessarily wants lap dogs and people to do his bidding. it comes from a place of love and security he’s never really had.

anyway, back to the gala with jinjoo, he does shake the minister’s hand. again, controlled. there are cameras. he also puts his arm around her, and that’s mainly because it’s a battle of the wills, and she’s trying to reprimand him, lol, as if she could. he hugs her a little hard and a little enthusiastically, and you can clearly tell it’s for show.

and then he dances with both jinjoo and sunah. and there is a stark difference between these two scenes. yohan actually teaches jinjoo the proper placement for where she should rest her hands and how to move. he’s actually having a good time with her, and again, it’s actually really cute.

with sunah, he’s reluctant and definitely on guard. he can tell from her demeanor that her intent is with purpose trying to get close to him. at this point in the story, he probably sees it as sunah coming onto him and not because she’s actually the maid from when they were children. when sunah reaches up to whisper in his ear, you can really tell he doesn’t like her being that close to him at all especially because her words may not be overly threatening, but there is purpose behind them, which means yohan’s guards are up. he physically removes her hand and than blatantly turns her down: she tells him that enjoying things alone isn’t fun, and he counters it by saying he’s having a lot of fun.

so at this point to reduce on some screen caps, he meets the minister’s family, has handshakes with her husband and the kid he went after to essentially beat up his car with a mallet, lmao. the handshake is quite funny because they both know what happened. yohan is in control, and that kid is shaking in his boots.

then the explosion happens, and of course, it makes sense that yohan helps gaon after he’s hurt. gaon has never been a threat to yohan, and it’s clear yohan’s not heartless whatsoever, but it’s also poignant to note that gaon helped saved yohan’s life, thus starting yohan’s journey of loyalty to gaon. i think he’s always had his sight set on gaon to begin with, possibly long before he even became an associate judge, but if this was a test, gaon passed it with flying colors because if gaon can rescue a little girl, and he can help an old man who fell off his bike, would he really go the lengths to save yohan who has shown him time and time again his sense of justice is different?

episode three

yohan reacts negatively to soohyun and within good reason when she questions where gaon is. he turns away because for him, the conversation is over, but for her, it’s not. to get his attention, she grabs him when he’s not paying attention, and of course he has a very adverse reaction. at this point, it can be chalked up to disrespect given the fact that he’s a head judge and she’s just a mere cop, but hindsight is 20/20. he does throw her arm off by flicking out his arm. but instead of berating her, he just tells her to catch the culprits who harmed gaon and leaves it at that.

and then of course, everyone’s favorite scene and rightfully so. yohan caring for gaon? very sexy of him. gaon is injured, poses no threat, and as i said above about yohan finding some amount of loyalty in gaon means his physical boundaries aren’t jeopardized. and for that, we get these wonderful scenes of yohan helping gaon as he heals.

and then scenes of him messing around with gaon by hitting him. truth be told, i wonder if this was something him and isaac did as young kids. anyone with siblings know how that goes. fake picking on each other? fake bickering? yeah.

and then it slowly, but surely, it’s revealed that yohan didn’t have the same upbringing as isaac did. our first instance that something at home wasn’t right wasn’t just the conversation with ms. ji and gaon. it’s the flashback with yohan reading in his room when the door opens. he hastily pretends he’s asleep, and you can see he’s visibly shaking and breathing roughly until he realizes it’s isaac who’s there to give him books.

and that’s also when we get our first glance of what kind of abuse yohan suffered from at the hands of his father. it’s clear this isn’t the only incident, and there’s been many times that isaac wasn’t around to help defend him.

it’s also very clear in how yohan acts when he’s terrified and that his abuse has gone on long enough to be a routine pattern in the house. any time he hears heavy footsteps or thinks his father is around, he visibly shakes and gets panicky.

episode four

i include this scene because it’s been noted that a lot of books yohan reads are about humans, human nature, animals, animalistic tendencies, and he says random shit like this that directly points to what he thinks about humanity and humans themselves. we notice this most prominently at the dinner with gaon and jinjoo earlier on when he describes that he likes the feel of the chew and that he cannot taste. he always mentions hunting and prey, and i think this is one of those very clear instances where he actually reveals to gaon what he truly, truly thinks; no gimmicks. this also comes into play later on in ep 6 when elijah is worried about him being out all night. yohan clearly doesn’t trust people at all. he understands their intentions, their motives and how much pain they can cause other people for their own profit and their own gain. it makes sense that he wouldn’t leave his house, especially if he has a strong sense of loyalty to isaac (even after all these years) and caring for elijah.

this is also one of the very direct moments that yohan doesn’t understand family dynamics. when it comes to people, it’s a giant chess game. not only that, later on in the episode when they’re in the car and yohan talks about how people, no matter what, are always the same in front of greed, yohan is cynical, and he expects the bad every single time.

what he reads and the way he words things (here and the discussion of him being a monster, for example) is clearly an indication that he doesn’t trust; that he cannot trust, nor does he want to at this point. yohan doesn’t understand the concept of kindness being given freely (ep 7 when he berates elijah for being used by gaon, telling her she falls for kindness every time). and yet, later on in eps, it’s clear when he’s around the right people and the right mindset (uh, gaon?? lol), he’s constantly putting up a front.

after all in ep 7 when he tells gaon that confidence is key, it literally gives him away not just in the courtroom but in his personal life. there’s a reason he looks softer at home than when he’s not there (the hairstyle changes and clothing).

basically what i’m getting at is this behavior can be seen as a defense mechanism because of his abuse.

then it’s another gala event with gaon and yohan this time. another lovely favorite where yohan helps him get dressed and then proceeds to drag him around and safe him from the lion’s den.

tbh i dont even need to include these, but i’m doing it for the indulgence.

yohan does sorta physically throw gaon as well during the rich people party, but that’s mainly to get him to shut up because he’s trying to show gaon the truth at hand and how all of it’s pretty much a farce.

later on in the episode is when we first have gaon truly attacking yohan verbally, and that’s when yohan snaps. it’s clear that isaac is a trigger for yohan, especially from someone who speaks out of line on something they know nothing about. gaon, truth be told, had a stupid moment confronting yohan the way he did. i don’t know who waltzes up to a proposed murderer and just asks them, lmao.

but here’s the thing, thus far, gaon has not entirely posed a threat to yohan. whether that’s from yohan planting gaon and guiding him exactly where he wants him or gaon just not being as thorough as yohan would like, and he’s trying to tap into that talent, is anyone’s guess. but as i said above, the one thing yohan protects is the things he does care about the most, and he tries to talk himself out of his own feelings. he constantly compares himself to an animal (again, dinner scene with gaon and jinjoo) to justify his actions, and to possibly not feel anything; because that’s easier, isn’t it? not feeling. so on top of gaon calling him a monster and a killer, confronted with the possibility about being a villain in his own brother’s story, obviously sets him off. he beats down his emotions until he’s confronted with it - and this is what gaon also meant in ep 6 about how it’s ridiculous that yohan calls himself a monster over a victim because yohan can’t even see himself in that light. not because he truly believes victims are weak necessarily, but i wonder how much he realizes that what happened to him wasn’t his fault.

to me, and as i just said, yohan convinces himself he’s a monster to make it easier for himself to belief his actions (ep 5 telling gaon some humans are born monsters in relation to himself). it’s not that he inherently thinks he’s wrong, but i think his guidance for what’s right and wrong was misconstrued without a parent figure in his life, especially if he’d read crime and law books as the focus. yohan’s actions, at least quite a bit of them are, are based on a gut feeling of right and wrong. when you think about it and your own sense of justice, how would that differ without the checks and balances in place? what punishment do you think fits the crime if we weren’t bound by written law? yohan thinks any action to protect those he loves is, more or less, justifiable because it’s a means to an end. it’s making a worng right again.

i don’t think yohan is a monster. i think his feelings, and what he knows is love, is misconstrued in terms of how to express it. we see this in episode 7 with his and elijah’s conversation where she’s just trying to be a teen, but his version of love is protecting her without, once again, understanding family dynamics and the pain points of growing up, the learning she has to do on her own. yohan might technically be right; similar to being book-smart but not necessarily street smart. his theory of telling Elijah that she’s soft for kindness and being used was true, but his delivery and the idea that that’s how humans develop doesn’t work. he’s telling her text-book rules, but people don’t live through books. they live through real life. yohan reads to get a sense of fulfillment and to learn. he’s learned his way into adulthood, but that’s not normal.

so uh anyway, back to this familiar scene:

because we don’t know the actual story of isaac’s death, it’s hard to say what role yohan played in his death, but i don’t know that i believe he was the one who did it. the entirety of the devil judge is relying on unreliable narration, so it’s difficult to gauge (for now since we’re on ep 7) how this will turn out and what happened, but to me, it really comes across as yohan upset over the insinuation that he could be the one to cause the death of the one person he loved the most. plus, i think it says a lot that he cares/loves elijah, and she was part of isaac. gaon crossed a thine line. yohan essentially welcomed him in, and this is gaon toeing it. we can also look at this is not gaon being an outsider to their family, but now has become part of the family, and so it’s easier for yohan to be ‘abusive,’ if you will, rather than the perspective of gaon still on the sidelines and pushing too far. by this i mean, the accusations made by gaon threatens their formulating family dynamics.

and once again, the only person he ever actually reaches out for is isaac.

and then we have the aftermath of yohan’s nightmare, where he’s still caught in the dream as gaon comes in, and refuses to be touched after, even if gaon’s intention is to see if he’s okay. yohan makes it very clear to gaon not to touch him, and that’s when elijah comes in with a very accusatory ‘what are you two doing?’ in this moment, yohan is not just vulnerable, but he’s emotionally sensitive. i’ve no doubt he’s still dealing with a form of sensory overload from his dream.

and then, i don’t know that this was necessary? was it necessary?

the following set of scenes are the ones where gaon tells him he’s a victim and he hasn’t confronted his own emotions about his abuse. i think yohan realizes gaon is right to some degree, but it is convoluted, and it’s not so simple to face your own traumas. however, he does for a moment after gaon leaves, remember another instance of abuse he couldn’t stop but wishes he could, wishing a parental figure of sorts would’ve come in to save him like his older self is trying to save the kid version if only he could turn back time, if only he had the power to do what he wish someone else had done for him.

and then the kidnapping scene is just. fucked up in and of itself. it actually makes my skin crawl. not because sunah is scary necessarily, but the lack of autonomy yohan has - especially when we find out later more of sunah’s story. to do something like this after what she’s suffered through makes this scene even more disturbing.

you can see the moment yohan hears heels when sunah (not knowing it’s her yet) comes in. literally the minute he knows someone’s headed his way, he checks the fuck out. his whole face goes slack, especially when sunah reveals herself. and when she’s kissing him? blank as fuck, too. it’s the most dead-eyed stare i think we’ve seen from him.

episode six

so, we get this gem from elijah that i’d like to touch on later. it’s more speculation and just me running through ideas more than it is canon fact. but what it does let us know is that yohan doesn’t seek people out. he prefers to be at home and staying there.

after we get the maid story, and we do get yohan touching sunah’s cheek, and in some fucked up twisted way, this is his way of protecting one of the things isaac cherishes the most. the point of the gesture isn’t just intimidation but serves as an act of intent, of protection in the only way yohan knows how. he’s safeguarding isaac. you can tell he doesn’t actually like sunah at all as a kid, but uses that to his advantage. imagine yohan learning violence for ‘good’ things when his father used violence for ‘bad’ things. what a twisted way of looking at it? and the irony at hand.

additionally, the main reason i’ve included so many varying scenes of yohan touching people isn’t to establish that he’s okay with being touched given how many scenes there are of him randomly shaking people’s hand or touching them. it’s all about context and what the intent is for. most often than not, really way more often than not, yohan only reaches out for people when it’s socially acceptable to do so and because it’s manners. and yet, even in some of those cases, there is still intent behind the gesture.

the moments he acts out the most are when he’s not in front of an audience, when he’s more likely to be alone with his thoughts and is exceptionally more vulnerable to his own triggers.

and i think the scene after he’s back at his house from the kidnapping is noteworthy because it doesn’t just feel like he’s shaking off the effects of the drugs he was given. he seems to visibly trying to compose himself of the mental and physical play he just had to deal with.

the next scene is yohan angry with gaon for taking elijah out. which really, he does have every right to be angry, and one thing i didn’t note above during the ‘you killed your brother’ choke out scene before is that when yohan is backed into any kind of corner, he reacts like a caged animal.

because we’ve already established the scenes with his abuse, his father took his anger physically out on yohan. so how else was yohan supposed have developed the tools to express it? it’s easy to hurt the things you love the most; it’s easy to abuse the ones you know, and between gaon and himself, they both have an unhealthy dynamic because gaon is old enough, strong enough to take whatever yohan gives him. gaon is not family and so there’s still that clear divide and a distinction as to why he lays a hand on gaon but not elijah, for example. gaon can still pose a threat. elijah is family. then again, it can also be said that maybe yohan considers gaon family, and gaon betrayed elijah and therefore yohan, and you don’t do that. not with yohan’s understanding of family dynamics.

but with that said, it begs the question why yohan keeps gaon around, and i think some of that has to do with the fact that gaon surprises yohan. he might’ve set his sights on him long before he became an associate judge or maybe he took interest after gaon was chosen for the role (this is still up in the air), but deep down, yohan sees something in gaon despite his snooping, despite his righteousness. it could be the potential; it could be the fact that gaon could be better than yohan if he just allowed himself to loosen the ropes he’s tied himself with when it comes to the court of law and the justice system.

but here’s the thing that idk a lot of people have really picked up on. gaon is one side of the same coin underneath it all. he’s also provoked yohan with physicality when yohan brought up details about soohyun.

to be fair, we can say that yohan evokes a different type of anger in gaon, one that he hasn’t tapped into for years that allows him to open up to that more physical side of himself he learned to put behind him. gaon doesn’t really come across as the physically threatening type, but yohan does push his buttons and vice versa.

but then, of course, we have the big fight scene where gaon goes in on the attack, and that’s when yohan makes his threat not to attack him ever again. it’d be easy to say he says it based on the merit of him not actually attacking soohyun, but seriously speaking, the intent feels much more than that. more along the lines of asking gaon not to provoke him without warning again because next time might be bad. most of their other fights, especially the one above,have been in the midst of conversation. this time, it’s from a place of complete surprise, and you can tell yohan goes on the defensive when his first instinct is to not just throw gaon back but raise his fist to strike.

episode seven

the only physical contact yohan has with anyone is the president, and that’s when he turns on the live video of the two of them, and it’s clearly intended to be a lowkey threat. he keeps pulling the president back into his side to be on the live camera after the dude tried to come after yohan. i do think it’s hilarious that yohan manipulated the situation with a live component just as the president and the rest of the rich people thought they could turn a live court show into manipulating the public.

and then, of course, the jail scene. the part where he makes gaon stay. he also touches gaon’s shoulder later just before they leave.

episode eight

the most prominent scene in this ep is certainly the scene where sunah comes onto yohan, and you can tell she did it to get under his skin in some way. of course, he’s smart and knows she’s up to something, but i think it’s so interesting how he wraps his fists around hers, almost as if to tame her and prevent her from trying to further put her hands on him.

we also know yohan has no issue with using physical force regardless of who it is (obviously, his dialogue in this scene, too) when he feels caged or trapped. his intention is also to retrieve isaac’s necklace, and i like how he uses literally anything to his advantage. meaning, he’ll use physical touch, his mentality, etc to get what he wants or needs, even if it is marginally uncomfortable to some degree.

and i think that also says alot about him is that he’s able to displace what makes him uncomfortable in moments like this to achieve an end goal.

additional thoughts

i know this isn’t really common with a lot of the characters in general, and could be chalked up to a cultural component, but yohan’s definitely not a hugger.

the other thing i wanted to note is yohan’s seemingly adherence to touch unless it’s for good reason in relation to sex. the main reason i bring it up is because i’ve seen it discussed a bit, especially in regard to elijah’s comment about him not staying out overnight since the fire. there are a few plausible scenarios, maybe more, but for the sake of this, we’ll go for these.

yohan has had past relationships/experience or will in future episodes

day flings

he’s never had an interest in anyone before given his upbringing and abuse and therefore never sought out sex

inexperience could be from lack of interest in other people and sex itself

he’s never found anyone to really connect with and trust in such a way and has avoided it for that reason

and i bring this up mainly because i think it could be something to explore in fanon, but also because i’m kind of annoyed with how people have been talking about yohan being a virgin. i’m not quite sure what the joke is, but lack of sexual experience does not mean naive or that he doesn’t have a sense of humor when that’s clearly far from the truth:

i don’t know that people find it unbelievable because of his age, because of characterization of yohan being more dominant, but none of these things negate this being an option. i think it’s perfectly plausible of a situation (from what we know right now), and truthfully, it would make a whole lot of sense. i just don’t get the jokes about it that i’ve been seeing online (twitter) when there isn’t a mutual exclusiveness to any of it whatsoever.

yohan already has a hard time connecting with people, and i can imagine that level of physicality could be difficult. clearly he knows how to use a version of it to get what he wants. i’ve no doubt he’s used his charms in situations where he’s needed to. yohan knows he has that going for him, at the very least. but sexual appeal and jokes doesn’t mean having a body count any more than it could indicate there being one.

lastly, i also want to pull these paragraphs from @b612sunsets‘s post because i think they do a much better job than i ever could of explaining, short and sweet, a fundamental part of yohan’s characterization, and mainly what i was trying to get at with this long ass post.

“There's two things we already know about Yohan from the last 6 episodes: he hates being touched when he doesn't see it coming and doesn't have control over it because of the abuse he suffered (I assume). To name a few: Soohyun grabbing his elbow to stop him from leaving and get answers about Gaon, the beggar that touched him while he searched for the fireman, Gaon after punching him and Yohan clearly telling him to NEVER do it again. The impression it gave to us is that if there's a next time he might not be able to stop his instinctive reaction of defending himself and using violence back (something worse than choking or pushing Gaon and he doesn't want to do that with him).

“Unless it's a friendly/small/slow touch like in the breakfast scene when Gaon touches his arm when he gets up to offer them some fruits. When he had the nightmare with Isaac, his walls were up high so even if he could see Gaon's touch coming and it was friendly, he decided to stop it because he was too defensive and sensible to accept the gesture (it would be the first time Gaon started physical contact with him too, he wouldn't be ready for that in such a state).

“The second thing is that Yohan hates when people take what is his or mess with what is important to him. Again, to name a few: Sunah with the necklace when she was a maid, the fireman with Isaac's watch (Yohan made them fall from high places, not caring if they died or not), the guy that fabricated the small bombs that hurt Gaon (Yohan would have burnt his face if "K" hadn't stopped him) and Gaon taking Elijah out of the house to Soohyun without previous notice (a cop and someone he doesn't trust).”

yohan has a very, very large sense of self-preservation for himself and for those he cares about. it’s in his intention, actions, facial expressions, movements, the way he interacts with people. i find it fascinating how calculating he can be, but at home, he’s at his most vulnerable and almost socially unaware and awkward.

yohan is a bit of an irony. he understands people from an action-oriented, instinctual level, but he doesn’t necessarily understand their thoughts and emotions in the waves of nuances that people live through on the daily. like, he gets it to an extent and on a practical level, but he himself is a square trying to fit into a circle - he doesn’t always understand it for himself and has to actively work on social cues so as not to come across as the devil child he was once painted to be.

and let it not be unsaid, yohan really will go to the ends of the earth for family, even if it means stepping out of his comfort zone.

and so anyway, i doubt this offered any real insight, but i think this is my way of breaking all of this down for myself. so, tada!!! lmao

#x #the devil judge #the devil judge meta #*#*the devil judge

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krysphycookiez · 4 years ago

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ateez | you as the female maknae

synopsis: you’re the youngest and only female member in ateez, let’s see how you get along with the boys

genre: fluff, platonic, imagines

pairing: ateez x maknae!reader

a/n: sooo uhhh yeah this is my first fanfic post on tumblr, i never really see these types of genres for in any ateez fanfic so i thought i’d try it out. i hope y’all enjoy it!

❤︎

tbh i think seonghwa be a bit distant at first, since he really didn’t know how to interact with you, not to mention the slight age gap

but then as you two started to spend more time together you gradually started getting closer

now the two of you have the cutest parent/child like relationship ever

take his babying tendencies with the other members and multiply it by 10

he always tries to take care of you in small ways like giving you water after dance practice or making sure you don’t overexert yourself

a bit overprotective but for the most part he just let’s you do whatever

also nags you a lot

whether it’s to do your homework or to eat something

he’s very worried about you all the time because of rude fans and netizens

but at the end of the day he knows you can handle yourself

even then you still depend on him sometimes

seonghwa also probably scolds the other members if they go too far with pranks/teasing

his bias towards you is very obvious

but he still sees you as a smol child that has to be protected at all costs

hongjoong is basically seonghwa’s behavior around you but 10x worse (not in a bad way tho lmao)

he definitely nags you a lot more because he’s a stressed leader

but that’s just how he shows he cares for you

definitely favors you a lot more than the boys when they are being annoying

he also makes sure you’re okay and in perfect health all the time

usually lets you help develop new tracks when you’re in the mood to help

sometimes even gives you some producing and recording tips, while also letting you listen to his most recent tracks

if you’re a foreigner that speaks english he probably tries his best to make you comfortable by speaking english to you

and both of you make a great translator duo too

even if you aren’t a foreigner but you still speak english you both probably have english conversations anyways

there’s of course those times where he scared you to death cause he’s upset

but he really doesn’t mean to scare you and apologizes afterwards

also overprotective like seonghwa, he just doesn’t want anyone hurting his precious baby

you just basically accepted that hongjoong and seonghwa adopted you

this bitch is either very soft around you or very annoying around you

depending on his mood, yunho will either baby you like you’re a toddler or tease you like there’s no tomorrow

especially because of your height too, he’s basically a tree compared to you

on vacation days he probably spends his time with you by either cooking or watching movies together

he really sees you as his little sister and he enjoys the feeling

if you’re one of the main dancers you and him probably do a lot of choreography covers together

especially bts covers

he usually teases you about certain idols you admire, jokingly saying you have a crush on them

this sometimes goes too far that even hongjoong gets involved

but at the end of the day it’s all just fun and games

whenever you’re feeling down he’s one of the members that comforts you because he can sense when you’re in a gloomy mood

he just wants you to feel happy and safe cause of the harsh idol life all of you go through

he’s also one of those friends that never lets you forget about embarrassing shit you’ve done too

but he will always be your sweet little teddy bear

like seonghwa, yeosang probably was a little shy around around you at first, probably cause you were a girl

but now he’s a ruthless and shameless little shit around you

he teases you all. the. time. there’s never a moment where he doesn’t take the opportunity to tease you

he’s the reason why you developed your sneaky and savage side in the first place

LOTS of insult battles, and it’s usually a 50/50 win too

though there’s always those petty fights about who won too and the other members just watch the chaos unfold

probably takes you out to eat chicken with him too, cause he still cares for you

and also the type to say “no one but me is allowed to call you stupid names and tease you”

speaking of stupid names, he barely refers you to your actual name off screen, he always has dumb nicknames for you

and vice versa too, you also can get pretty creative with names

but he’s also one of the members to automatically know when somethings wrong with you, like yunho he’s emotional support for you

also encourages you to push harder as well (ofc not TOO far), because he wants you to be the best version of yourself

no one can hurt you in any way or that person will get a piece of yeosang’s mind

even though he’s an annoying brat around you all the time, he still deeply cares and cherishes you cause he really does love you like his sister

he loves you so much! san thinks you’re so adorable and he just loves you so much

probably praises you for every little thing you do too. the others sometimes get tired of his antics sometimes but you find them cute

you steal his attention from wooyoung and that sometimes causes petty rivalries, but it’s all just fun and games

he’s also another member to know when something’s up with you, cause you guys were even close during trainee days

initiated a lot of skinship with you, and he likes to play with your hair too and vice versa

also a lot of aegyo between the two of you, you two are just so soft for each other it’s irresistible

san is also the type of friend to wake you up at like- 3 in the morning to play games with him or watch a movie

speaking of games, you guys also play a lot of games together

most of the time san wins though

if you speak english, he probably asks for tips and lessons on english, and you’re partly the reason why he has a smooth accent and decent vocabulary

you also probably tease him a bit, especially about his dance audition to KQ, which always results in a smack

platonic kisses on the cheek and head too off screen, there might have been a few cases where you two might have actually kissed on the lips

but probably because you lost a bet

he’s your little cheerleading puppy and you two are just such cuties together

crackhead duo, enough said

you and mingi always say and start the weirdest shit all the time, you both team up to prank the other members

mainly with seonghwa and hongjoong cause their reactions are funny. though you never dare to lay a finger on jongho

you two once started a running gag about calling seonghwa oppa (you call them hyung) and that joke lasted for a week

he also watches a lot of memes with you, and both of you have the craziest laughs ever

sometimes the other members are concerned for your mental health

if you aren’t a rapper, you probably try to imitate his rapping. it always looks very silly and he just cracks up at the sight

you two also cause a lot of chaos when it’s just you and the others without the 98 liners

also you two aren’t allowed to cook together anymore

one day when you it was just you and the 99 liners, mingi threw some flour at you while baking and it caused a whole ass war

hongjoong spent an hour wiping frosting off of the wall, and you guys got a huge scolding from seonghwa. still worth it though

you probably steals his hoodies cause they are so warm. he either doesn’t mind or gets whiny about it

probably has pasted sticky notes all over your room before in random spots, and you did the same to him too

you two are the equivalent to chaotic twin siblings and it’s just adorable

two words; sneaky bitch

wooyoung can and will annoy you to death with his stupid antics, and vice versa too

you two probably didn’t get along at first in trainee days but now you guys are the closest you can get

he’s very affectionate around you that even SAN sometimes gets jealous, san of all people! you have to be very special to make him jealous

also those petty rivalries between you and him over san never really last that long, it’s just stupid bickering

probably tags along with you and mingi to prank the other members

LOTS of flirting and stupid pickup lines

he usually wins them because you can’t beat that man’s charm, but sometimes he makes a comment a little too inappropriate that results in a scolding

both of you also do a lot of stupid dances together, and the other members just watch you guys wonder what the hell you two inhaled

if there’s a rumor/false scandal surrounding you, he will comfort you the most and protect you at all costs, even going as far to glare and call out someone who insulted you

also initiates a lot of skinship with you, though not as much as san, you just always smell good so he can’t help himself

you two also cause a lot of chaos at fansigns, whether it’s fighting over a snack or smacking each other with toys

sometimes people think you guys are childhood friends, and who can blame them? you two are so close it’s immaculate

and maybe a few dating rumors surrounded you before, but at the end of the day you guys are just really good friends

jongho is the only member who doesn’t baby you, since you guys are pretty close in age

he doesn’t really show it cause he doesn’t like showing affection on screen, but he always looks out for you

no one dares to mess with you when jongho is around cause they know they are gonna get their shit rocked

mingi and wooyoung learned that the hard way

he’s very caring for you and although he doesn’t show it by hugging or in any other physical gestures, he shows it through words

he actually was really shy to talk to you at first cause he thought you were really pretty, so you guys talked through notes

eventually he came out of his shell and now he talks to you like one of his close friends

if you’re one of the main vocalists, you and him probably sing a lot together, even when he’s breaking apples

has probably taken you to a few puppy cafes before so you could frolic with all of the adorable dogs

he just really wants the best for you, even if this isn’t super visible on screen

you also jump on his back a lot to make him carry you cause he’s a strong boi

he also just picks you up randomly and throws you over his shoulder just for your reaction

and it’s a lot of screaming fyi

overall, he brings out the more calming and quiet side in you, but it’s nothing bad, because both of you know that you care for each other

❤︎

a/n: so that’s it for the first fanfic post! i’m sorry if it isn’t that good it’s been a while since it’s been a while since i wrote a fanfic, so this is a fresh new start for me!

i might move some of my wattpad stories here on tumblr, but see will see ;) requests are still open! so drop some requests if you liked this one

this is @/krysphycookiez logging off... ♡︎

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sadlyafanofotomegames · 5 years ago

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A Road Paved with Bad Endings - Nightshade

You know why it takes so long to talk about Nameless Bad Endings? Because they’re so complicated and different from each other! There’s so many bad endings. So. Many. Bad. Endings. So why don’t we shift gears and talk about a game that limits itself to one bad ending per boy. Sometimes you get otome games where each ending is unique and fucked up in their own special way. And then sometimes its just “And then they died.” And you know what? Those endings can be just as valid. So lets get to these shinobis and ninjas and Naruto has corrupted my vision of ninjas permanently I am so sorry.

Nightshade is about Enju, daughter of the Koga Clan’s leader and the sister of the Iga Clan leader. After the Iga Clan was destroyed in a war the Koga Clan absorbed the survivors. Because of this Enju is seen as the glue keeping the Koga and Iga Clan together, and is treasured by the villagers. But Enju wants to be a real shinobi and go on missions like everyone else. One day she gets her wish, and travels with her childhood friends and mentor to complete a mission. Good news, she completed the mission! Bad news, she gets accused of killing the ruler right after.

On the way she travels with her childhood friend and bodyguard Gekkamaru, her other childhood friend and Gekkamaru’s brother Kuroyuki, and her mentor and cousin (oh no) Chojiro, as well as meeting a cold-hearted powerful ninja from another clan, Hanzo, and a libertine totally-not-a-gentleman-thief Goemon. Who’s going to be with Enju beyond the game of life-and-death she’s been forced into? Or in this case, who’s going to see her literal end?

General Thoughts on This Bad End Journey

So before I get to the boys I’ll just do an overview on how choices work here. Note that I’m playing the Switch Version. You got the boys. You got choices. First four chapters you make choices that the boy you want likes and then in chapter five that’s when the route starts (though some routes start a bit early, but each route’s choices still start in Chapter 5.) If you go to the Relationships in the Menu you’ll notice the line of boys and under each one is a line of flowers. Every time you pick a choice a boy would like, the flowers will flash on screen and the next time you check the Relationships you’ll see the flower line begin to fill in with color. Whoever’s flower is colored in the most until chapter 4 will begin the route in 5, and to get the good end you need to continue filling the line with color as much as possible. Don’t fill the line by the end? Bad Ending.

This makes it pretty simple to get the ending you want. Quick Save, make a choice, see the flowers, good. Make a choice, don’t see the flowers, bad, quick load. I’d recommend Quick Saving continuously if you’re like me and can’t stop smashing buttons like I’m trying to speedrun (I can read pretty fast) because if you’re not paying attention you’ll “A” yourself right into picking the first option of a choice that popped up. I did this more times than I would like to admit to.

On the content of the choices themselves, they’re good at connecting to the themes of each boy, so even though you can depend on the flower pop-up to keep you on the path you want you can intuitively see which choices work. This is not true for all otome games.

The Bad Endings themselves basically all lead to the same place - dead and sad. Enju dies, then boy. Or boy dies, then Enju. But each ending differentiates itself in the various flavors of how the deaths occurs and the reaction to it. Also there’s one sad song for all the bad endings and it is a mood. Despite the simplicity of it these endings do genuinely make me sad because Enju is a cutie and I love her and how dare you do this to her and dangit now I’m fond of the boys and now they’re sad and now I’m sad and I’m listening to a sad credit song and want to eat ice cream in a empty bathtub and cry for some reason. So lets be sad...together.

Spoilers for each route. Warning for Descriptions of Death and Suicide.

Goemon - It’s All Fun and Games Until You Need to Pretend You Betrayed a Cute Girl and Cause Her to Be So Sad She Doesn’t Stop Someone From Killing Her

Goemon is a gentleman thief archetype, who’s a player (or in this case libertine?) and steals from the rich to give to the poor. Goemon is the only real one because he doesn't give a single fuck about cops, shinobi rules or the hierarchy, and strives not to shed blood if he can help it, AND is always good to Enju (expect when he was forced to be mean and he literally cried about it later in the good ending.) Usually I’m not for player types, but Goemon manages to pull off being flirty and playful without coming off as pervy and careless. It helps that there’s isn’t a Mean Girl for him to flirt with to cause conflict. But then we near the ending of the route, where Goemon has to pull off a ploy to save Enju without being able to tell her the ploy, and it sucks. I knew it was a ploy from the start, but you still made her be sad gosh darnit! They managed to save the good mood of the route after that spell but just thinking about it left a sour taste in my mouth. Unless you’re in the bad end, in which case you’ll be left with the taste of TEARS.

How to Get the Bad End

Show distrust toward Goemon. Goemon, lets be honest here, looks a little sus. He pressures young ladies into going out for deserts, he’s a little flirty and doesn’t seem to take things with the right amount of seriousness, you fought him on a rooftop because he’s a notorious thief you were sent to capture, you know, it might be hard for Enju to trust him. When Enju trusts in Goemon and is ready to have a good time (no not that kind) the two really establish a bond. But on the road to the bad end Enju always had a seed of doubt in her mind about Goemon.

What Happens

The ploy Goemon came up with was to pretend to rejoin his old shinobi clan, the Fuma Clan, and deliver Enju to the Council of the Five Elder (who all want to be the regent for the late rulers son but need to avenge him by killing his murderer) and then double-crossing both the Lords and his old clan and escaping with Enju with them believing she died. Unfortunately because he’s surrounded by Fuma Clan members during this ruse he couldn’t spill the beans, thus Enju was left in the dark. Also he faked all of her friends murders. It’s not a great feeling to become so connected to someone only to find out that they killed all your friend and will send you to your death.

But in the good path Enju is able to still believe in Goemon. In the bad route...she just gives up on that line of thinking. When they reach the palace, there’s a twist Goemon wasn’t expecting. The late ruler’s Concubine and mother of the later ruler’s son enters before any of the Lords can debate who’ll execute her and kills Enju herself, and in her despair Enju lets her. Goemon then releases the poison that causes people to see illusions and kill each other. Hanzo escapes with his lord Tokugawa before it hits them.

Review

This ending fits well with Goemon because its after Enju dies because of her doubt toward him that Goemon truly betrays his beliefs. He didn’t want to kill anymore. He didn’t want to ever use the cruel techniques he was taught as a shinobi leader. And then he’s left holding Enju’s body covered in blood that’s not his own, tear in one eye. Hearing the screams of lords and servants alike killing each other due to his poison. It’s poetic.

Hanzo - TFW You Go From Cold to Softie But Still End Up in a Double-Suicide Because You’re Girlfriend Didn’t Fully Learn Her Own Self-Worth

So Hanzo is what the kids call, a kuudere. He’s also the oldest, being the same age as Enju’s mom. Enju is 16-17. I am uncomfortable. To be fair Goemon is also around Hanzo’s age, but Goemon doesn’t act as a tutor/guardian in the way Hanzo does, so its less noticeable. Also...he gets real saucy in the last chapter. Saucier than the so-called libertine. Went from 0 to 100 real fast. There are some parts I really love about this route, but given Hanzo’s role and age-gap I feel like this is one of those ones where I wish they left out the romance altogether, but hey this wouldn’t be an otome game without the smooching, so eh.

How to Get the Bad End

Be pessimistic, hesitant, self-defeating, make silly mistakes. Hanzo wants Enju to be smart and willing to improve her skills. This entire route is really about Enju’s growth, both mental and physical, in the face of overbearing odds. So don’t do that and you’ll end up in the bad end. There’s a loooong gap between your last choice and where the bad end hits, and in the last chapter you don’t get any more choices.

What happens.

When Hanzo seemingly disobeys his lord’s order to kill Enju (at least, that’s what the messenger said) he planned to commit suicide. In the good ending Enju stops him and they move on to smooches but in the bad ending...she kills him herself so that he wouldn’t have to do it. Then she ends her life soon after.

Review

I was honestly wasn’t expected this flavor of death from this route, but I suppose its attached to the antithesis of the route. Hanzo, first from orders and then from heart, needed Enju to live and demanded Enju to stay alive, but in the bad end she was able to kill her own lover but didn’t learn to stay alive for herself. It’s sad, but its a little too short for me to really sink in the tragedy. Now if you want tragedy for the entire route, well that’s what our next boy’s for.

Chojiro - This Whole Route is a Bad Ending That the Real Bad End is Almost Cathartic

Chojiro is...*long, drawn out sigh* Enju’s cousin and mentor, whom she calls “Brother Chojiro.” Look there’s a lot of tropes common in otome games that I just can’t get behind, but here I am still playing them. Anyway sliding that fact back under the carpet Chojiro is another seemingly cold-hearted man, but unlike Hanzo, Chojiro already has a developed bond with Enju, and that bond makes it obvious that Chojiro’s got the fuzzies deep down. Unfortunately a lot depends on him being a shinobi who follows the rules and orders to a T, which is awkward when yer girl becomes a fugitive after being accused of murder and you’re sent to kill her. Again, there’s parts of this route I really like if they didn’t bother with the romance. The thing under the carpet aside I feel like there was already an established love between the two from the get go, so to have them smooch, especially after all their friends died, is a little bit...bad timing is all I’m saying. Now the bad ending, well, that just fits right in.

How to Get the Bad End

A good chunk of the choices made are without Chojiro present at all, but if you pick the right choice you’ll still see the flowers. A main theme I suppose would be to get the bad end Enju emulates Chojiro. Try to be cool and calm. It’s not real, but its how Enju sees Chojiro. Think of what Chojiro would do, rather than what Enju truly feels. That’s just a loose thread though. The path to the bad end comes mainly from how the plot of the route happens, which is Enju asking if living is really worth...all this?

What Happens

So uh, that ruler Enju was accused of murdering? Yeah he never died. The double was killed. In this route at least, he set it up so that the Five Elders would play a game to see who would become the guardian. Each of Enju’s friends, tricked into hunting down Enju at risk of losing their entire village, represented one of the five lords. But then, in the ruler’s viewpoint, Enju managed to kill four of her friends (actually they mostly killed each other...it was actually three of them who died) and was so impressed...that he decided to bring her and Chojiro to the castle to set up a death match. Enju’s blood is boiling. Chojiro’s blood is boiling. My blood is boiling.

So what are we gonna do? Go down in style. Enju decides that if they both can’t live in peace, then they shouldn’t have to live while the other dies either. She convinces Chojiro, who’s revealed to be as soft as Chojiro always told her she was, to strike her as she strikes him. They die in each other’s arms with smiles on their faces.

Review

While the choices don’t really connect outside of whether they’re good for Enju or not, the Bad End fits like a glass slipper on this horrific tragedy. It’s poignant that its Enju who takes the lead in how they go out, when its always been Chojiro who had to be in charge. At the end it was like Chojiro was holding Enju’s sleeve. Sad and beautiful...and closed off from the opportunity to escape that was so close.

Kuroyuki - Kuroyuki is a Tragedy with a Neat Scarf and Losing Enju Did Not Help

Kuroyuki was raised alongside Enju and is, FOR ONCE, around the same age as Enju. At age 8 he was sent out on a mission and only returns now to tag along with Enju and her friends during their mission. He’s aloof and playful, but its pretty clear he gots some secrets, and has some feelings for Enju from the beginning. Once you get into Kuroyuki’s route he doesn’t hide that fact, up and saying that he loves Enju early on in his route. He can act very forward (forward enough to make me act like a PTA mom and evoke the three-feet-apart rule), but when he realizes Enju’s upset he’ll quickly apologize and make pouty faces. Despite the fact that he can be a cold-blooded killer (like all the boys except Goemon can be) and also be the most calculating, he can also be a sweetie, and it feels like he and Enju are on a more even playing field than the other boys. Kuroyuki and Enju can be pretty childish toward each other, and it can get pretty cute. That won’t stop the plotwist, and this bad end, coming fast to snap your heart in two.

How to Get the Bad End

Okay also Kuroyuki’s a yandere. Probably should have said that sooner. Anytime you’re in a yandere route the choices that lead you to the good end are basically to be sensible, because your yandere pal sure won’t. Its the same here, though its good to show some care. So get to the bad end...don’t be sensible. Be reckless. He’s says they’d live together and die together. That’s not worrying at all! What if I want to be with the yandere who gaslit me, mom!? Ever thought about that!?

What Happens

So in this route, the ruler was killed for realzies this time...by Kuroyuki. He was probably killed by Kuroyuki in every route except in Chojiro’s and Gekkamaru’s, because when he kills the ruler there’s no blood or open gash, which is a mark of his type of power. There was a deal between the Kaga Clan (who Kuroyuki was sent to train in 8 years ago) and the Koga Clan to kill the ruler, bringing the country back into war. There’s no use for shinobi in times of peace. What Kuroyuki wasn’t planning was for Enju to be accused of the murder. So uh...he basically sets it up so that he’d be the only one to save her from prison and travel with her. He lied about her friends possibly coming after her, which even I was set to believe because I was in a couple of routes where they did come after her, which was clever. He was spot on about Enju’s father disowning her though, even if he didn’t know it when he told her, which goes to show how much of an ass her dad is.

I need to set this all up to say after all this is revealed Kuroyuki decides that if he can’t be with her, he’ll at least make a better world for her, first by killing her ass of a dad (which, like, same.) Coincidentally Enju, determined to find out who ordered Kuroyuki to kill the ruler to save Kuroyuki, decides to confront her dad on the matter as well. So they both meet again while facing off her dad. Enju wants to live and die with Kuroyuki, and in her reckless rush to protect Kuroyuki her dad stabs her. Kuroyuki kills her dad (good) then carries Enju to a clear field. He gives Enju the only thing he can give her at that point - a happy dream that everything turned out alright, and that he and all her friends are together and happy. Enju dies peacefully in his arms. He promises to join her soon.

Review

I feel like I’m going to say this every time we meet a yandere, but while I like seeing yanderes as obstacles, I don’t believe in good endings with yanderes, at least romantically. Like if a boy can only see happiness by keeping one girl by his side with rope and a red eye that freezes your shadow so you can’t move, maybe he should, at the very least, try to connect with people other than her? Like, maaaaaaybe take a break from each other, clear your mind? No? Enju wants to be with you forever now too? Tch.

That being said, I’m glad this was the bad end for this route, and not a yandere ending where Kuroyuki kills Enju or Enju gets trapped in an illusion so that she couldn’t escape or something. Much as I like “WTF” bad endings this bad ending struck a chord in how...sad it is. Hands down, this one made me cry for Enju and Kuroyuki. Much as Kuroyuki’s got issues, he gave Enju a way to pass peacefully. It hurt me when she closed her eyes, and it hurt me when Kuroyuki cried.

Gekkamaru - The Overprotective Childhood Friend to End All Overprotective Childhood Friends

Gekkamaru is Enju’s childhood friends and bodyguard, and is overprotective to a...concerning degree. No matter which route you’re in he’ll come to Enju’s aid, ranging from “well that’s sweet” to “oh gawd Gekka pls calm tf down.” So you can imagine how he acts in his own route. Despite the over-protectiveness (though I suppose when you become a wanted criminal over-protectiveness is a welcome trait) Gakkamaru is probably the Best Boy of the whole game. He’s earnest and a real sweetheart. Its too bad that this route is about as tragic as Chojiro’s, except the tragedy happens gradually, over and over again, not to mention his bad end...

How to Get The Bad End

So that whole servant-and-master thing? Yeah it’s fine. Gekkamaru wants to act as a servant towards Enju? Eh, don’t worry about it. Pick options that don’t rock the boat on their relationship. Don’t pay attention to Gekkamaru’s growing feelings, it’s fine. It’s fine! Not like he’ll die or anything.

What Happens

So he dies. Turns out Gekkamaru’s been hypnotized not once, but twice! Enju’s mother hypnotized him into protecting Enju at all costs, and his mother hypnotized him into want to kill Enju, due to her father killing his parents before she was born. Enju was tricked into releasing Gekka from her mother’s spell, leaving him with the curse forcing him to attempt to Enju. Before he could do the deed, Enju tell him she loves him. Rather than her love breaking the curse, Gekka’s role as her servant and bodyguard wins over, and he stabs himself fatally. Enju follows after him.

Review

This ending isn’t far off from what actually happens in the good ending, but it mattered how Gekkamaru broke the curse. What killed him was his duty trumping both the curse AND his love. It’s what Enju feared - that his devotion was only due to the spell, and that it would kill him. It’s poetic, but given the roller coaster of tragedy that’s happened throughout the route it feels like just another addition to it.

Conclusion

If I were to rank these bad endings from least interesting to most interesting, I’d say Hanzo - Gekkamaru - Chojiro - Kuroyuki - Goemon. Obviously if you’re looking at good ending ranking or best boy the ranking would be different, but that’s not what we’re here for! This is BadEndVille babey! Chojiro, Kuroyuki and Goemon are a bit of a toss-up, since all three of those bad endings match the character and evoke a unique sort of pain. Hanzo and Gekkamaru’s endings are also sad, but I don’t think they’re as strong a finish as the others. Chojiro, Kuroyuki and Goemon’s bad endings feel like a real conclusion to a tragedy, while Hanzo and Gekkamaru’s bad endings feel like a “whoopsie you killed yer boy from the top!”

Still, all the bad endings are fitting for how they occur: Enju and Her Love learned the wrong lessons. Enju constantly has to face being hunted down by shinobi stronger than her, being abandoned by the village who treasured her and the father who never acknowledged her, and sometimes she has to face her own childhood friends. But on the way she’s often with someone who loves her, who’s willing to carry her through. What she needs isn’t just strength and willpower, its the desire to live. Live even when it feels like it’d be easier for everyone if you were gone, because your life is not for others to use up and wilt.

And in the bad end, Enju fails to learn that lesson. She dies because she can’t see happiness in living, not without the person who loved her by her side, and doesn’t realize that there is a way out, that they can both be saved. With Kuroyuki, they both agreed that they will live together and they will die together, and in every bad end Enju decided that dying together was the better option.

It’s the same for the boys: Goemon fails to keep his beliefs after Enju dies, Hanzo fails to save Enju because he couldn’t change his beliefs as a shinobi, Chojiro fails because he’s so certain that everything he loves with eventually wilt, Kuroyuki fails because he realizes the consequences of what he’s done too little too late, and Gekkamaru fails because he couldn’t truly see himself as anything other than a loyal servant, ready to die even if that dooms the one he serves to misery. They all became Romeos and Juliets, too short-sighted to see the light beyond the horizon.

All this to say that if you have the time after completing the good endings for all the boys, grab some ice cream or any other sweet treat that suits you and go through these bad endings. Let those sad feels wash over you for a bit. Then get to those bonus stories in the extras because I THOUGHT I WAS DONE-

#a road paved with bad endings #nightshade otome #nightshade #otome game

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x0401x · 6 years ago

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Okay already.

Y’all are really damn eager for it, so here you have it: the infamous List of Erased Gay, AKA a glimpse of how we could be having it all if KyoAni weren’t doing us so dirty this year, Tsurune edition. The Violet Evergarden edition seems to have left a big impression, so maybe this listing will become a thing.

Then again, along with the canon gay that we lost, we gained a lot of anime-only shippy service that is not only weirdly fixated on Minato alone but also ruins the nature of many characters. KyoAni has been outright baffling this year in how little it understands the novels that it has been adapting, and even more in how proficient it has become in destroying the main relationships of each title. All in all, the personalities and purposes of the main characters have been severely altered, and there has been a disturbing trend (not only in Tsurune, but also in Violet Evergarden and Liz to Aoi Tori) of making the protagonists obsess with someone who apparently does only the minimum for them and being lukewarm with the people that seemingly care more for their wellbeing.

That’s not what any of these novels are about.

But since this post is centered on Tsurune, I’ll only talk about how the aforementioned major flaws apply to it. That boils down to KyoAni erasing most of what Masaki did for Minato and about 85% of the scenes they had together, replacing it with additional scenes without much purpose involving other characters. For whatever incomprehensible reason, KyoAni is hellbent on enhancing Minato’s relationship with everyone except the person he has the strongest bond with in the books, and a lot of you guys seemed to notice this. So, in order to address the cringeworthy disaster that the Tsurune anime has become, I’m naming this one as the List of Erased and Misplaced Gay.

Had to put it under a cut because of how long it got. While we’re at it, please consider reading the novel translations.

I gotta apologize to the Anons for stalling so much with this post. It took me a while to write it down since I had to skim the novel to take notes. By the way, to the people who haven’t finished the anime or don’t plan to read the novel: none of what’s cited here are things that will happen; they’re things that already happened in the canon timeline and didn’t make it into the screen. I’ve put them under a cut because it’s too much stuff. It feels like I just wrote a fanfiction but this is actually how canon goes.

I’m going to sort out the list by character relationship, from the mildest to the most blatant (y’all know which one it is).

Noa and Rika

Noa’s anime counterpart seems pretty meager, but her canon self is far more active, and if her saying “there’s no one in this world greater than Seo” isn’t an indication that she ain’t as straight as her arrows, then maybe her shouting at Nanao to “shut up and go burn in the fires of hell” after his advances might be an indication of it. Telling him that he “should be quiet because Seo’s feelings matter” when he flirts with her might also be one. Or not. Sadly, there’s not enough material in this aspect for the girls in the first volume.

Ryouhei and Nanao

These two are the straightest characters out of the group, but their interactions are always full of implications regarding the other club members. The two of them are often used as a means to translate the exchanges between the boys in a way that sounds suggestive as hell, and Nanao is oddly smug about it, which really doesn’t help.

Here’s a compilation of these dialogues, for convenience’s sake:

Nanao: Seiya doesn’t seem like himself today. Ryouhei: Minato probably turned him down. I already got rejected too. Nanao: I understand he wants everyone to join the the tournament, but aren’t those two too stubborn? That Minato guy is such a calamity, being popular with both boys and girls. I’m only popular with girls on that point.

(Try to convince me that Minato isn’t bi after this one. You shall not succeed.)

Kaito: You guys, don’t just stand there and chat; practice! Nanao: Geez, Kacchan, don’t take your anger out on us just because Seiya left. Kaito: Hah? What’re you saying? Nanao: Don’t you watch Seiya a lot? Kaito: Of course. Archery is about practicing while watching each other’s shooting forms.

Nanao: Kacchan, you really suck at endgames. Kaito: Shut up. I got what I needed, so it’s fine.

Kaito: I don’t wanna do team competitions with half-hearted feelings. Didn’t it seem like that guy had been practicing secretly? And I can’t understand the fact that he knows Masa-san. Since when have they known each other? Nanao: Aren’t you Masa-san’s favorite among his acquaintances? Minato’s a genuine bow geek, so I think he’ll unexpectedly be on the same wavelength as you, Kacchan. Kaito: We’re definitely not the same! And anyways, I don’t like that guy. There’s nothing decent about guys with nice faces, including you.

Seiya and Masaki

This one is in the misplaced gay list. In this case, implying Seiya’s non-existent co-dependency towards Minato. In the novel, Seiya isn’t jealous of Masaki and Minato’s relationship. He’s polite with Masaki all the way and starts calling him “Masa-san” from day one. Seiya also never says that he hates Masaki. Because he doesn’t.

Kaito and Masaki

Another example of misplaced gay. Kaito is very obedient around Masaki and obviously stans him as a good example of successful archer, but not in the exaggerated way that the anime tries to sell. In fact, it feels like the anime tries to get him to Minato’s level of fanboying, but although the two of them are equal when it comes to fawning over archery, they have a different vibe when it comes to Masaki. That’s probably because Minato is much closer to Masaki than Kaito is, and Kaito canonically sees Masaki as the brother he never had, while it’s unclear what exactly Minato sees Masaki as in his life.

For starters, Kaito never tried to keep Masaki for himself. He is jealous of Minato for also knowing Masaki and apparently monopolizing him, and he’s mad as hell that Masaki decided to start teaching archery because of Minato, but he never tried to keep Masaki’s existence itself a secret. The only one who did that was Minato. Kaito never refrained from talking to Nanao about Masaki at all. He also talked to Masaki about Nanao, enough for Masaki to be able to recognize Nanao at first sight.

Masaki jokes around Kaito like he does with everyone else, but Kaito responds to it right away with threats that he doesn’t really mean. Whenever Masaki dares him to actually do it, he meekly recoils. They’re found family through and through.

Daigo and Hiroki

The anime has been doing a piss-poor job at showcasing this ridiculously married duo. There isn’t much about them in the first volume, to be fair, but the little we had was enough to deliver that they’re old friends who complete each other. Hiroki is also the only person who listens to Daigo nerding out embarrassedly about idols without judging him, and the two of them are considered “special goods” of Kirisaki for being so inseparable and well-balanced.

Shuu, Sen and Man

These three aren’t nearly as close in the anime as in the original work. The twins absolutely love Shuu and admit to worshipping him. They’re clearly very jealous of Minato for holding Shuu’s attention, and physically attempt to drag Shuu away from him when they’re talking to each other. They’re also openly aggressive with Minato more than to any other team member of Kazemai.

In Kirisaki, their interactions are also different. The twins normally follow Shuu around and monopolize him, which he doesn’t seem to mind. The author describes Shuu sandwiched on both sides by the twins as “charming in some aspects”.

Shuu gives advice to them when asked, which the twins do often, not only because his shooting is their ideal, but also because they find his explanations easier than the teacher’s. He also defends the twins from the more hot-headed senpais when they’re called out for their rudeness.

Also, the twins’ admiration for Shuu isn’t equal. Senichi is way more serious about it than Manji is. The way this trio is depicted, it feels like Senichi is Shuu’s arranged fiancé who happens to be madly in love with him and has to deal with Shuu being in love with someone else.

Delicious.

Kaito and Minato

The anime keeps trying hella hard to maintain that Kaito and Minato have some sort of hero crush on Masaki and that this is the main connection between the two of them, but the novel begs to differ. It also keeps trying to pretend that Minato is the kind of spineless idiot who would act like Kaito is right in trying not to let him into the club because of his target panic, and who would attempt to gain Kaito’s friendship by catering to his unfair treatment. The novel also begs to differ.

Minato is a serious and assertive character. He acknowledges that he’s in bad condition and tries his best to prove his resolve, but only within realistic standards. He tells Kaito right to his face that entering the club is his own decision and warns that Kaito should back off from speaking on Seiya’s behalf, arguing that Seiya would be displeased with it. He also lectures Kaito on being a little shit to everyone, especially to Nanao, simply because he’s insecure.

After Minato joins, Kaito immediately bares his fangs at him. Albeit not putting up with his shit, Minato asks what he could do to be acknowledged as a comrade because you sort of need camaraderie in a team, and Kaito spits out that such a day would never come.

Kaito is outright displeased having to work together with Minato as kaizoe. Minato also isn’t in high spirits. The two of them comically have the same reaction when finding out they’d have to do it.

Minato decides to strike a conversation after the yawatashi, when he and Kaito are getting changed, mainly because he had noticed that Seiya and Kaito’s relationship wasn’t going well because of him. Kaito barks at Minato that there’s no honor in working with him, and Minato reasons that they should reach a mutual understanding, since they’d be in a team competition. Kaito retorts that he didn’t even want to be in them, but he had to after Minato joined. It only becomes clearer that Minato is ruining Kaito’s prospects one by one.

Despite all the clashing, Minato notices that Kaito’s passion for archery is genuine. Still, there’s a lot of misplaced gay in the anime during the training camp. Minato doesn’t desperately try to win Kaito’s favor, isn’t saved by Kaito from falling into the river, and doesn’t ogle at Kaito’s back when he shoots as the oomae for the first time.

Kaito finally shows a slight sign of warming up to Minato by thanking him for saving Nanao’s hat, which had been a present from him and his sisters. This is destroyed by him finding out that Minato and Seiya had attended Kirisaki for middle school.

After the whole accident with Masaki, Kaito assures Minato that it wasn’t his fault, and then he emphasizes it the next day, saying that Minato wasn’t worth being saved by Masaki if he was still twitching with guilt.

When Minato gets a ganglion on his hand, he tries to hide it from everyone, but Kaito notices something wrong. He forces Minato to have it examined by Tomio. And after Seiya performs first-aid on Minato, the following dialogue goes on:

“Shit, you’re seriously so…” “Sorry that this happened right before an important competition… It was because I was careless that I got hurt.” “Aah, you’re so freaking annoying. It doesn’t look like you get why I’m pissed off.” “You’re angry because I messed up?” “Wrong! This is why I said I wanted to focus on only the individual competitions. You tried to hide that injury from us earlier. You think you can compete in a team like that? In the end, you just don’t acknowledge us. All you do is keep secrets!” “I just didn’t want to worry everyone! What, don’t you have a secret too, Onogi!? You said you want to focus on the individual competitions, even though you actually couldn’t help but want to be in team competitions!” “Wha--no way that’d be true!” “I heard it from Nanao!”

Kaito almost gets back at Nanao for opening his mouth, but Minato put himself nose-to-nose in front of Kaito. This is one more example of closure that the anime doesn’t show.

“Onogi, didn’t you say that I was using target panic as an excuse to run away from archery? But aren’t you running away too? You run, run, and you’re still running away even now.” “What do you say that I’m running away from?” “From your ‘comrades’.” “What the hell are you talking about…” “You’re scared of making comrades. You’re scared that your thoughts and desires won’t be followed by other people. Even though you really longed for it, you didn’t want to disappoint others or yourself, so you decided to seal away that wish and not look at it. You’re the weakest kind of archer with that cowardice of yours.” “What did you saaaaaaaay——?!!”

This is how we get to the fight right before their face-off against Kirisaki, which was showed in the anime, but in a wholly different way. The fight itself is different as well. Kaito grabs Minato by the lapels of his gi, but Minato steps forward without any hesitation, unlike in the anime, where he seemed pretty terrified and just stood in place like a rock.

“Kaito.” “Don’t call me Kaito!” “Then, Kacchan.” “That’s even worse!” “Kaito, call me by my name. Call me Minato. Then we’ll be comrades.” “Haaa!?” “Besides, in the Kazemai High School Archery Club’s male division, everyone is calling each other by their first names, but we’re the only ones calling each other by our last names. It’s embarrassing to feel special, right?” “There’s no special feeling——! It’s normal, average. You’re such an airhead.” “When I learned that you wanted to be in a team competition, Kaito, I was really happy. I felt the same way.” “So what?” “Tommy-sensei didn’t make me the ochi for the evetuality of my target panic starting up. It was to make me feel like I had four comrades in front of my eyes. So, Kaito, you must feel the four of us at your back, right? You aren’t alone. I’ll protect the end of the line so that everyone can follow behind you. I’ll go with you to the very top.” “You were just babbling on. I’m gonna trample you.” “Why would you trample me? We’re going together.”

Yes, they didn’t get to this point by Kaito being hysterical about following Masaki’s teachings or by Minato telling everyone to forget them, because that’s just fucking dumb. If teachings weren’t necessary, there would be no need for taking classes in the first place.

It’s only here that Tomio hands them the headbands. They all put them on and Minato doesn’t need a pep talk from Seiya in order to tie his own. Kaito then finally calls Minato (and only Minato, as he’d already been on a first-name basis with Seiya since the beginning) by his first name for the first time.

Kaito and Seiya

To quote myself from an earlier post:

One of the things I noticed is that not just their relationship but their personalities are different in the anime, and this in turn affects the rest. What I find so good about them is the irony that Seiya is a dog person who acts cat-like and Kaito is a cat person who acts dog-like and you can feel this shit in their exchanges.

There are many details to this relationship that could be considered gems. When Kaito meets Seiya and Minato at Kazemai, he recognizes Seiya right away from their tournament in middle school, but not Minato. As I said before, the two of them refer to themselves by their first names off the bat and Kaito is quick to try to get Seiya into individual competitions with him. He insists that the two of them can “aim for the top together”, and gets extremely frustrated when Seiya refuses. He’s also pretty offended when Seiya claims that Minato is above him when it comes to natural ability.

The day after Seiya and Minato fight in the rain, Seiya catches a cold and is overall very distracted, enough to mistake Kaito’s bow for his own and use it instead. Kaito asks him how he managed the feat because one would normally be able to tell the difference, to which Seiya responds that he “did think it felt sort of tougher”.

I will not turn this into innuendo. I shan’t.

Kaito then notices Seiya looks red and places a hand on his forehead, confirming that he has a fever, like any good shoujo protagonist would do with the heroine. And this is where the author begins to hint that Kaito treats Seiya differently from the other club members. Kaito is overall gentler with him for no given motive. Even though he’s the type to care for everyone, he normally scolds those he looks after and makes clear that they should be able to look after themselves, but he doesn’t do this with Seiya at all. And the best of it is that Seiya responds to his awkward kindness.

When he realizes that Seiya is sick, the first thing he does is tell him that he should take a break because he’s busy with other matters aside from club activities and Seiya brushes him off, but then closes his eyes and says that Kaito’s cold hand feels good against his hot face and goddamn. What a low sweep. Goddamn.

Basically, all Kaito can do is frown and he doesn’t manage to come up with much of a response. By the time Seiya leaves, Kaito is still staring at him, and he gets visibly annoyed when Seiya isn’t there anymore. Again, for no given reason.

Kaito confronts Minato two days later about joining the club, acting as Seiya’s spokesperson on his own accord and telling Minato that he shouldn’t upset Seiya or raise his hopes fruitlessly. He gets angry when Minato argues that Seiya wouldn’t forgive him for butting into their affairs, and maintains that Seiya would be going to the individual competitions with him, not to the team competitions.

Right before the training camp, when Kaito and Seiya are cleaning up the targets together, Kaito finally confronts Seiya about his stance regarding Minato. He calls Seiya out for being like an overprotective father around Minato, and makes observations that even Seiya himself admits to be right:

“About your good point of nicely taking care of everyone, it seems that it’s because you’re following the rules. Like, you go forward at the green light and stop at the red light ‘cause you were taught to do so. Still, you’re different around Narumiya. You do with him what you really wanna do. But I’m not saying that you’re black-hearted. Your good quality is fairness ‘cause you have enough brains and ability to take action to properly make use of what you’ve learned. Many people are relying on you. Your guiding principles were misled ‘cause you, the club president, got too engrossed with one person. I mean, you shouldn’t have forced everyone to go for team competitions this time.”

Seiya is predictably displeased that Kaito hit bull’s-eye, and tells him that he should be focusing more into practice if he has time to be observing him. And sure, I get that he would want to tell Kaito to hop off his shit because this little fucker has a lot of secrets............ but he certainly didn’t have to hold Kaito’s hand while doing it. And he most certainly didn’t have to hold it so tight that the arrow on Kaito’s hand creaked a little.

Kaito says to Seiya’s face that a lot of what he spouts sounds fishy, and Seiya changes the subject by claiming that all he wants is for Minato to draw the bow like he used to once again. Kaito can tell that there’s more to his motives than this, but as Seiya leaves as fast as he can, he’s unable to ask. The arrow that remained on his hand was Seiya’s, and the emphasis on the fact that it was a wornout one probably stems from the long-standing burdens that Seiya has been carrying.

Yeah, this debunkes the anime’s stupid excuse that Seiya is in the archery club because of Minato. He’s depicted in the novel as being his own person and having his own will, so he does have a mind outside of Minato. Even if Minato had never joined the club, Seiya would have stayed in it.

Anyway, fast forward to the day before the training camp, Kaito confronts Seiya about not signing up for the individuals. Seiya ignores him, which pisses him off.

Once Kaito finds out that Seiya and Minato went to Kirisaki in middle school, he bitches to Seiya about keeping it a secret. Seiya argues that he hadn’t told anyone because he didn’t want everybody digging up on them and retorts that Kaito could have simply looked them up if he’d really wanted to know, but after Kaio leaves, Seiya admits that he should have properly talked about it when Kaito had asked. He resigns to the fact that finding out about it way after people of other clubs probably made Kaito feel awful and says he has no right to be the club president. Yet he’s cheered up by Ryouhei and decides to discuss the subject properly with Kaito when he gets a chance.

Kaito is so thrown-off by the fresh frustrations that he loses the improvement he had acquired during the training camp on the spot (no, he didn’t fail because of a stupid obsession with making his bow turn, KyoAni). He actually made it through the first round, but fell short in the second, together with Nanao (yes, he participated), Yuuna and Noa (yes, the girls didn’t fuck up right from the get-go and none of them had zero hits).

Kaito continues acting off during club activities and gets into an argument with the girls and Minato, but he’s immediately shut down by Seiya because this bitch weak.

Later on, in order to help the boys enhance their teamwork and to distract them from the stress of having to face Kirisaki, Tomio bought them sports fishing passes and sent them to a fishing spot. Since fishing alone was forbidden, the five boys split into two groups. Ryouhei and Nanao went with Minato, leaving Kaito to work together with Seiya, who had brought Kuma along. The two of them caught river bugs to serve as bait together and sat at opposite sides of the shore.

I think it’s worth mentioning that Kaito was being his usual sharp self with the others, but with Seiya, he acted completely tame. There wasn’t any trace of his frustration in his attitude.

Seiya went back to Kaito after having caught one salmon, and found that Kaito’s fishing line had become entangled on a tree. After Seiya sent a picture of what he had gotten to Minato and the others, he and Kaito sat down...... really close together under a shaded area. Seiya took a tomato curry bread out of his backpack and shared half of it with Kaito, and after they were done, they chatted idly, with Seiya commenting that Kuma seemed to be showing respect for Kaito. Kaito then stroked him and Kuma sat down next to Kaito as if to nestle close to him.

Once Kaito gets the Kuma Seal of Approval, he and Seiya have the following conversation:

“About the whole deal with Kirisaki’s Shuu, it was wrong of me to keep it all a secret; I’m sorry. I’ll discuss things properly from now on.” “Ah, no, you don’t have to talk about it. There’s nothing you have to apologize for. You had something you didn’t want anyone else to know about, and it was wrong of me to get curious over it. Even if I knew, it doesn’t really mean I could be of help to you guys, either.” “That’s not true. I’m counting on you, Kacchan.” “You…even though I was talking seriously… Can I punch you?” “Well, the competition is over, after all. I think Tommy-sensei gave us this mission not to acquire stamina and patience through fishing, but to make us step away from the bow once in a while and relax. Minato seems to be conscious of Shuu and getting flustered by him too.” “Rather than him, I’m a little worried about you.” “Me? Why?” “Aren’t you fretting over Narumiya’s target panic more than he is? Other than that, how can I put it? Uh… Anyways, you’re also a disappointment.” “I don’t quite get it, but well, I’m thankful that you’re worried about me.” “You’re nice to everyone, and yet you act sassy with me.”

Kaito had actually wanted to ask Seiya if he felt some sort of guilt regarding Minato, but the question was too insensitive even for him. He also acknowledged that he might not be able to find the right words to reply with if Seiya said yes, and didn’t want to seem like he was criticizing Seiya for it. So, instead, he goes with this:

“Seiya, when I first saw you at the information session, I thought that you were a guy who was well-composed and really good at archery. I’d been watching you for a while, and I thought maybe you were similar to me in some way. You have passion, some kind of conviction, don’t you? I want to respect it. I respect you for working hard to earn a calm and collected self.” “You praising me feels unpleasant. Should I say that you should go practice if you have the time to observe me?” “I want to win the prefectural tournament - with all five of us.” “Yeah… that’s right.”

The author then describes the maple trees overhead, and just to put it out there, maple stands for reserve, which might be an allusion to Kaito holding back from digging further into the matter (even though he was right, like he always is about Seiya). They also mean strength and endurance, and that matches Kaito’s comments on Seiya.

A few days later, during a softball tournament of their school, Minato and Seiya’s class was playing against Kaito’s. Seiya teases Kaito when they spot each other about how the soccer field is somewhere else, since Kaito was being recurrently summoned to be part of the soccer team by the school’s soccer club at the beginning of the semester, to which Kaito responds with, “Seiyaaa, not you too”.

When the game begins, Kaito is the first batter and Seiya is the baseman. Kaito gets a hit in the second try, and gives Seiya a “how’s that” look when passing him by.

On the first day of club activities after Masaki was hospitalized, Kaito was the one to announce that everyone should continue practice like normal in order not to waste what they’d been taught. Before doing so, he gazes at Seiya for a brief moment as if to ask for permission to speak on his behalf.

After Kazemai’s tiebreaking match with Kubo high school, while everyone was having lunch, Seiya and Kaito were checking the competition’s program and discussing the formalities for the exiting of the next round, which would be slightly different from the others.

At the tournament, when Seiya diagnoses and treats Minato’s ganglion, Kaito is visibly impressed by the fact he carries first-aid items around with him, and Seiya merely responds that he shouldn’t underestimate a son of orthopedic surgeons who used to play with medical tape instead of building blocks.

Keep on roasting him with care, you four-eyed witch.

In other words, Seiya and Kaito interact a lot. Onogi “hands off my man” Kaito is often on the role of looking out for Seiya, who in turn looks out for everyone. Just like Masaki with Minato, Kaito is always spot-on about Seiya and gets really damn close to finding out his heaviest secret, and prods into Seiya’s business enough to shake even a careful planner like him. Meanwhile, Seiya is sharp as a knife with him, but recognizes he shouldn’t be, and resorts to sassing Kaito when he gets too sappy. He also acts somewhat tsun when Kaito is too gentle, and not-so-subtly starts hanging around Kaito most of the time after he starts acting like a normal best friend to Minato once again.

Seiya and Minato

It all obviously starts right on the first part of the first chapter, because Ayano Kotoko wastes no time. When Minato and Seiya meet during the morning of their high school entrance ceremony, Minato hinted that he might have been getting sick, and Seiya teases him about it. Then he says that if this did end up happening, he would offer to “faithfully nurse” Minato in the special hospital room of his parents’ clinic, to which Minato retorts that he would turn Seiya down because “who knows what you’d do”. Seiya claims he wouldn’t do anything, but the feigned innocence is so evident here that you don’t even have to guess what kind of face he’s making.

When Minato, Seiya and Ryouhei are approached by Tomio, Seiya bluffs that he knows Minato is “carrying his treasure around” and smirks when he falls for it. After Minato fails magnificently at the demonstration shooting and scurries to leave, Seiya says he’d be waiting for him to join the club, holding Minato’s place in the boys’ team for as long as it was necessary.

When Minato comes back home late in his third night visiting Yata no Mori, he finds Seiya waiting for him in front of his house. Seiya already knew that Minato had sneaked out somewhere the previous night, and as he questions Minato about it, he finds one of Fuu’s feathers on his hair. Minato does nothing but give roundabout answers, and then straight-up lies that he was just wandering around on his bike, which Seiya is far from believing but lets slide. This whole moment sort of feels like a father questioning his teenage daughter about sneaking out of home to see her boyfriend.

Seiya then confronts Minato about joining the club, competitions and target panic. He reveals that he doesn’t feel their loss in middle school was only Minato’s fault, since he got caught up with the whole situation and lost control of himself as well. Minato happens to hate this whole talk, and ends up saying he doesn’t want to do archery with Seiya, which isn’t true. He simply doesn’t want to keep causing trouble, but doesn’t know how to convey it. Although Seiya does understand what Minato means, he’s still hurt by his words because Minato being able to rely on him is his anchor. He then responds in the way he always does when he’s upset.

By being a stone-cold bitch.

The anime is trying to paint Seiya as meek and passive, but he’s an icy little fucker when his mood swings for the worse. He stares at Minato as if looking down on him, and this is when he throws the “Actually, would you be able to endure it if I did blame you? Or not? It’s easy to make you cry.” bomb on Minato’s lap. And instead of leaving it as that like he did in the anime, Minato grabs Seiya by the collar and pushes him to the ground, then Seiya pushes him onto a tree.

The following day at school, Minato found himself looking for Seiya during his absence, even though he had been avoiding him before they fought. A day later, Minato leaves a box of Pucky in Seiya’s mailbox as a sign of apology. No, he doesn’t write that he would be waiting for Seiya. He didn’t have to, since novel!Seiya never once doubted his love for archery. What he did was draw a dog on the box, which is something that Seiya used to do to display an intent of reconciliation. Seiya also leaves a box of (premium) Pucky for him as reply.

The next morning, Minato contacts Seiya, who welcomes him to the archery club, and he almost tears up at it.

Misplaced gay ensues in a non-canon scene of the five boys bathing together at the training camp. Nanao’s comment about Seiya’s “love” for Minato never happened in the novel. Seiya also wasn’t around when Minato retrieved Nanao’s hat from the river, so he wasn’t even there to help, although he was worried when he saw Minato coming back all soaked.

During the softball game, Seiya yet again shows exaggerated worry as the pitcher aims at Minato’s left flank. He attempts to get someone else to be the batter even though Minato had dodged the ball and was unharmed.

Even as the game ends, Seiya asks if Minato hadn’t been grazed even a little, and despite being reassured that he hadn’t, Seiya asks if Minato had been going to his yearly check-ups. When Minato answers that he hadn’t, as already four years had passed since the accident, Seiya yells that he shouldn’t neglet his check-ups because his wound still throbs from time to time, loud enough for Minato to flinch. Seiya then comes up with suggestions to motivate Minato to go, like asking his parents to drive Minato there (no, he doesn’t do check-ups with Seiya’s father) or offering to tag along in case Minato feels bored while waiting. Minato feels extremely uncomfortable and declines it all, asking Seiya why he worries so much. Seiya responds that he has the “responsibility to worry for Minato’s health”, and Minato jokes that he sounds like he feels guilty for something. Seiya says nothing back, and when Minato prods for an answer, he replies that it’s part of his responsibility as club president. That isn’t the whole truth and Minato can tell as much. In fact, he had only joked because he had been hoping to hear Seiya ask back “what are you even talking about”.

Minato had felt for a while that Seiya seemed to wish for his improvement at archery even more than his own, as if he were trying to compensate for something. He recognizes that some aspects of Seiya’s worry are unnatural and can’t be explained with the word “meddling”. As Seiya’s sense of guilt became gradually clearer, Minato grew scared.

At this point, in the anime, all of this was replaced with flashbacks from Minato and Seiya’s childhood that never happened in the novel, like the day Minato’s family went to greet Seiya’s, their multiple discussions about entering the archery club when they become middle scholars, Minato saying that he asked Saionji to include Seiya in their class but was denied (yes, he kept it a secret even from Seiya in canon), Minato introducing Seiya to Shuu, Minato saying he didn’t want to do archery anymore after he got hit, and Seiya convincing him to do it.

The next day, when Minato and Seiya come home from school, Minato asks to talk and the two of them go under a nearby tree. He starts off reporting that he booked a check-up, and announces that what he has to discuss is serious talk and that he was bracing himself for it and that he wanted Seiya to answer without teasing him. Seiya asks if he has to talk about it right away, and Minato says that things might end up just like the last tournament of middle school if he doesn’t. Basically, his built-up anxiety over their unresolved matter might cause his target panic to act up again. It’s finally then that Minato asks Seiya why he didn’t go to Kirisaki even though his parents could pay for it and why he kept trying so hard to get Minato back into archery.

This entire conversation was replaced in the anime with the scene of them on the street, and although some things are similar, most of it is wholly different:

“I swore that I would protect you on behalf of your mother. Creating an environment where you can draw a bow is my duty.” “Could it be that you spoke with Mom at the hospital she was transported to? Did you make that promise there?” “No. It was my fault that your mother died. That you suffered a wound that won’t disappear for the rest of your life.” “What are you talking about? That was an accident. An accident where a runaway vehicle ran over people walking on the sidewalk. The police took this conclusion too, and there were lots of witnesses so there was no doubt about it. Why are you saying something like that? Didn’t you just happen to be at the scene by chance?” “Don’t you remember? On that day, you were walking with your mother. I stopped you two to talk on that road. I said goodbye and left, heading in the opposite direction. And then, an awfully fast car passed by me… If I had turned around, if I had turned around… ‘If’…It’s all suppositions now. If, at that time, I hadn’t stopped you, the two of you would have passed that place sooner, and then you wouldn’t have been involved in the accident. I was the one who injured you and snatched your mother away from you. So I swore that I’d fully atone for the sin of hurting you. I will protect you…”

It’s kind of impossible to tell that Seiya sounds exactly like a mom at this point, just like in everything he does for Minato. Minato resents not realizing that Seiya had burdened himself with something so heavy and had been in pain ever since the accident which I think says a lot about the fact that Kaito noticed something was wrong with Seiya in the way he acted around Minato and in the things he would say from the very beginning. Minato feels like the problems resolving around his target panic are dust next to what Seiya was dealing with and that he wants to accept Seiya’s troubles. Seiya had always been protecting him, and now he thinks he wants to protect Seiya in return.

Yeah, he never really said that he had managed to get back into archery because Seiya waited for him, or that it was his turn to wait for Seiya. That’s misplaced gay, and unsurprisingly, it’s watered-down. Their exchange in the novel is actually pretty calm in spite of all the tension that had built up until then:

“I’ve always thought that you were smart, Seiya, but you’re actually surprisingly dumb.” “Huh?” “Am I wrong? It was you who kept me on the earth. Because you stopped us at that time, I only got injured. I’m here thanks to you. Thank you, Seiya. I think I really am a lucky guy.” “Minato… I’m a sneaky person. Maybe I said all that because I knew that you would forgive me, y’know?” “Uh-huh, that’s fine. Even if you become a vicious criminal who shakes up the world, or even if you get a contagious disease without cure that leads to death, I don’t plan on ever stopping to be your friend. Even if it’s at a prison at the farthest ends of the north, even if it’s at an isolation ward, I’ll go see you.” “What’s with all that…? Were you planning on putting up a cool façade by saying all that?” “Of course.”

Seiya then smiles and places his head on Minato’s shoulder without any lame excuses, while Minato thinks about how Seiya can lean on him sometimes, for he won’t collapse. About how he wanted to stand firm on the ground, not too stiffly or too limply, but flexibly. And then Seiya throws in the golden line that the anime shouldn’t have cut out, because doing so ruined his character and painted his obsession as something positive and justified:

“Minato, I just want you to believe this. I love archery too. I’m not drawing the bow for someone else’s sake, but because I love it.”

Catch me stanning this eternal friendship until I die. Yeah, that’s as far as the “gay” goes for them. Of course, they’re still shown together in as many scenes as possible, but the ambiguousness is no longer present as soon as Seiya stops treating Minato like his own child and actually gives him the space any normal friend would. Literally everything that happened in the anime between them beyond this point (and I do mean everything, even just their conversations) is KyoAni’s original content.

Long live these unapologetically healthy best friends. Fuck KyoAni’s fanservicey ass.

Shuu and Minato

The way Shuu is being depicted in the anime is underwhelming at best. He might be quiet and calm on the outside, but on the inside, he’s extremely passionate about archery and about Minato, though not in this clichéd and overused way that the anime is portraying.

Even though Seiya also used to be on their team, Shuu considers Minato his only rival and bow friend. The two of them know each other well and are actually pretty close, since they literally attended the same middle school.

None of this actually shows in the anime at all. One may argue that it’s easy to notice he’s interested in Minato more than anyone else, and it really is, but their rivalry isn’t nearly as fiery and there seems to be no trace of their friendship. Shuu simply keeps spouting been-there-done-that catchphrases that any rival of any sports animanga has said to the protagonist, and that’s it.

In the novel, Shuu is rather obsessed with Minato in different ways. He doesn’t only crave for Minato in competitions, he also craves for him outside of the dojo. He misses him since they’re attending different schools, but ever since they were little, he had always wanted to spend way more time with Minato than he actually had in his hands. He hates having to part ways with Minato when business is over and is unforgiving of anyone who might “steal” Minato from him. KyoAni for some reason has made Seiya hostile towards Masaki, but Shuu is the one who resents Masaki for becoming Minato’s goal rather than himself.

The flashbacks also aren’t helping. When they were kids, they acted... well, like kids, and not like mini versions of how they are now. They were loud, openly competitive, and would fight for Saionji’s side because he had bad hearing, so they had to talk close to his ears. They were also like older brothers to Saionji’s grandson, which the anime didn’t show.

Their first meeting was different. Minato usually came around the dojo to peek at practice, and Saionji took him as pupil along with Shuu because he believed that teaching the two of them was his fate.

Minato had always annoyed Shuu and was always the only one capable of instigating fiery emotions in him, starting with the fact that he made Shuu realize that someone else his age was as talented as himself. Shuu was extremely irritated when Minato suddenly stopped coming to their practice, having no idea that the motive had been the car accident. He was irritated yet again when they met by chance in middle school, and all the while, he keeps thinking, “who do you think you are to irritate me”.

When Hiroki comments that Shuu must be so elegant and skilled with his shooting because he was taught by a former imperial guard, Shuu responds that he’s actually like that because there’s someone whose heart he wants to shoot through. He credits Minato for his own prowess because his desire to be better than Minato is what got him so far. The twins ask if there was someone who managed to charm him that much and if the saying “the greatest hate springs from the greatest love” has anything to do with it. Shuu responds with nothing but a daring smile and an “I wonder”.

Other interactions between them that the anime watered down are their greetings during the beginning of the tournament and Shuu’s words before he left. In the novel, Minato froze at the sight of him and held his breath when he got close. Shuu reminisces to memories of when they were kids, which is why he goes to Minato’s side and whispers into his ear. Then he puts a hand over Minato’s scar and asks if it still hurts, and Minato answers that it doesn’t.

Just a heads-up: everyone is watching this unfold. Kazemai and the twins are staring at this bullshit but everyone feels they can’t get close because the gay atmosphere around them is too intense.

Minato says that he knows Shuu turned his back on him for getting target panic while he got a full score during the individual competitions at the middle school championship (because of the “cold look” that Shuu had given him in after their loss), and claims that he can’t face Shuu at all. Shuu responds that he hadn’t turned his back on Minato even once, and that he had only not comforted or admonished Minato at that time because he didn’t think there were words for Minato’s situation.

He reveals that he had no idea Minato had suddenly stopped coming to their secret practice because of a serious injury, and that he had realized just how eagerly he had been waiting for Minato when they met again in middle school. He had believed that Minato would definitely come back in high school as well, and asked Minato to “show his archery again”. Minato seems a little touched by it, and Shuu comments that Saionji actually never taught anyone personally, and that Saionji apparently believed Shuu and Minato to be the last duty entrusted to him. Shuu believes that their meeting was a “gift from the God of the bow”, and after saying so, he leaves.

Many things didn’t happen, though. Like the two of them meeting after the tournament and at the shrine. Shuu never asks Minato to take responsibility for changing his life, never acts like a total dick with Seiya and never tells Minato that one can’t do archery for someone else’s sake.

The day before the first team competitions, Minato had barely slept because of his meeting with Shuu. He was glad that Shuu hadn’t given up on him and felt strongly that he didn’t want to lose face in front of him. He was extremely impatient after seeing Shuu’s shooting, and their difference in skill was ever so present even in the next days, as he wanted to become the kind of archer who could be a match for Shuu as fast as possible.

During the second phase of the tournament, Minato and Shuu meet again, and the dialogue they have is way different from the anime:

“Minato, it’s been a while. How are you feeling today?” “Not bad at all, Shuu. A lot of cheering squads came for us today, so I’m fired-up.” “I’m surprised to hear you say such a thing. You said before that you weren’t drawing for the sake of other people watching you. You thought spectators were annoying.” “I’m honestly happy to be supported now. Besides, I’ve just always loved doing archery, be it before or now. So why is someone like you drawing a bow, Shuu? Aren’t you doing it for the same reasons as me?”

Instead of replying, Shuu just smiled brightly, and this ticked off the twins, who started attacking Minato and had to be stopped by Shuu. He apologized on their behalf, which yet again spiked jealousy, and left with them.

Right before the tiebreaking match, Minato wondered if Shuu was watching from somewhere. Minato had never participated in one of them before, and it was all thanks to Shuu. Having someone as skilled as him to be the ochi was reassuring, and Minato entrusted him and Seiya with his back in their middle school days. However, unlike how the anime goes, the novel explicitly states that Minato’s state of mind being at ease during competitions was Shuu’s merit, specifically. He knew that Shuu would always hit, and so he could remain calm, knowing that someone could cover up for him if he made any mistakes.

Similar to this scene, right before the final match between Kazemai and Kirisaki, Shuu yet again comes to talk to Minato as he was being bothered by the twins:

“I’m deeply moved to face you in competition again, Minato. Did you hurt your wrist?” “No, it’s already fine. I can’t help but feel happy to take on the strongest member.” “I’m looking forward to it.”

During the duo’s last shot, the clouds opened up, and the grains of dust illuminated by the sunlight formed the shape of wings on their backs. As Shuu misses his last shot, he mouths the word, “congratulations” to Minato while the Kazemai boys are hugging him.

In short, Shuu and Minato’s relationship is originally complex and tridimensional, and the anime is reducing it to something dry, commonplace and boring.

Masaki and Minato

Here comes the bible that you asked for, you heathens.

First off, this duo is ridiculous. Their relationship literally has absolutely no business being as good as it is. You just know that it’s the most important one of the story from the fact that it begins when chapter one ends and appears on the very first illustration (other than the one in the cover).

I’m gonna start from the start: the character relationship chart from the official site. It says that what Minato borders for Masaki is “reverence”. That’s pretty heavy for a high school student.

A number of things ensue right before Masaki and Minato’s first meeting, which the anime didn’t show:

When Minato hears Masaki’s tsurune for the first time, his heart starts racing.

While he’s approaching the dojo, he’s praying in his head for Masaki not to disappear until he gets there. He was already thinking that maybe Masaki might be a ghost that haunted the shrine, but he didn’t care if this was the case.

Minato watched Masaki’s shooting for waaay longer in the novel. He stood hidden behind a fence as Masaki fired six shots and then did the finishing formalities.

While Masaki was collecting the arrows, Minato was sighing heavily, rubbing his sweaty palms against his uniform and wondering if he should go talk to him. But it’s totally not a crush. Totally not.

I hate these two so much.

Just to put it out there, it feels like Yamamura Takuya (the anime’s director) is fanboying over Masaki. Or more like over an ideal version of him. In canon, Masaki is an absolute dork and not nearly as composed and mature as the anime tries to sell him. He’s usually clumsy and vulgar, and jokes around a lot.

That being said, he gets friendly with Minato overly quickly. Although he’s confused as to why a random kid would be in the woods watching him, their first conversation is about anything but that, and suddenly Fuu is the topic. It escalates from Masaki offering to nurse the scratch on Minato’s hand to Minato volunteering to replace the lamps of the shrine’s waiting room, and then to the two of them drinking canned coffee together at the shajo. In-between this, we have Masaki joking about Minato being suspicious of him and that he wouldn’t charge for the medicine, knocking over a drawer and sending the contents flying, throwing unnoticed sarcasm at Minato while he changes the lamps and Minato mistaking the can of coffee for alcohol. Masaki then resumes shooting the rest of the arrows after that and Minato stays as audience. Once he’s done, Minato questions him about his shooting routine, and Masaki answers every question even though they literally just met.

All of this in just one night.

To add up, the novel has a veil of supernatural in it, and Minato and Masaki’s encounters in the shrine are portrayed with an atmosphere of mystery. They feel somewhat fantasious since there’s a lot of symbolism and ellusive language involved, like the shrine is a separate world that belongs just to the two of them, where both Minato and Masaki find not only each other but also themselves, renewing their love for the bow. And this is where I myself started becoming inspired while reading this novel. I, too, felt like praticing archery for once, so that I could point the bow at my head and shoot an arrow right into my face because I can’t take this bullshit.

But I digress.

Minato goes home without asking Masaki’s name, then proceeds to search for information regarding him on the internet like some stalkerish middle school girl. He finds nothing and berates himself for not asking, but also wouldn’t know what to do if he had really asked. 100% not a high school chick flick.

The next evening, Minato visits the shrine again. It’s raining, and when he finds Masaki shooting just like in the previous night, he notices that it feels like Masaki is performing a prayer when he does so. Minato watches hidden behind the fence yet again and wonders what Masaki could be wishing for in a night where the stars aren’t visible, because apparently Masaki’s presence increases Minato’s poetic tendencies by a hundred.

When Masaki spots him, he gives a peace sign and beckons him, but Minato’s brain has bluescreened at that point, so being the little shit he is, Masaki crouches and gestures to Minato as if he’s calling over a dog or a cat. This predictably has Minato flustered, and Masaki jokes that seeing him under the rain in a dark spot is scary. Minato comes to the shajo dripping wet and Masaki lends him a beginner’s uniform, telling him that he doesn’t have to be so formal.

By the time Minato returns, the floor that he had dirtied is completely clean, even though Masaki had asked Minato to mop it once he finished changing. The two of them have canned coffee together again, this time with oyaki. Fuu hadn’t showed up because of the rain, and that’s when Masaki jokes that Minato’s shoulder is the perfect perch for him. While arguing that he isn’t an ornament, Minato asks about the hours of activity in the dojo, and finds out that it was supposed to be used until 9pm but is currently only used during daytime, so the only one who is there at night is Masaki, except for couples that sneak inside occasionally. Minato is taken aback at the fact that couple come to a sacred place to make out and whatnot, and for some godforsaken reason, the author seemed to think it was a good idea for Masaki to retort with, “You don’t seem to have much experience in that area. Shall I teach you the basics?”

*high-pitched screaming*

One might argue that this isn’t as suggestive as it seems, but Minato responds with, “You perverted old man” and Masaki just... freaking grins. And then this bitch hits jackpot when he tries to get Minato to fire an arrow because he can tell that Minato has experience with archery and that he wants to shoot. Minato is exasperated and wants to run away from it, but Masaki coaxes him into opening up, assuring him that not even telephone lines pass through the dojo, so whatever Minato would say would be heard by no one but him. This is when he throws the infamous “I’m not someone who exists in your reality” line, and Minato ends up squeezing out everything that had been burdening him. It’s then that they finally introduce themselves to each other and Minato finds out that Masaki used to have target panic.

The next day, Minato doesn’t attend club activities despite Seiya and Ryouhei’s insistence to get him to join, and goes to visit the shrine again. He finds Masaki dressed in formal hakama instead of kyuudougi for the first time and stops on his tracks unintentionally at the sight of Masaki’s muscles glowing in the evening lights.

This is not homoerotic fanfiction. This is not homoerotic fanfiction. This is n

You kind of can’t ignore at this point that Masaki grins every time he sees Minato. Meanwhile, Minato shudders at the sound of Masaki’s arrows piercing the air, which is unlike any he had heard before, and thinks about how he never gets tired of seeing Masaki shoot. There is joy in the fact that such ideal shots are being executed right in front of him, and cheesy as it may be, this makes him happy to have been born. And since Minato already knows about Masaki’s goal of scoring ten thousand shots, this thirsty motherfucker is already wondering if he’ll ever see him shooting again after he accomplishes it.

Minato is, in fact, just as much of a sports nerd as any sports animanga protagonist. It just so happens that he’s less showy about it, and basically the only one who gets it out of him is Masaki.

Masaki carried out proper practice with Minato, unlike in the anime, where Minato only shoots once. They start with practice at close range, and it’s then that Masaki starts using his ridiculously improper tips, like “push your hips forwards more, like you’re peeing standing up” and “look at my armpit hair”. For better or worse, his advice is easy to grasp and Minato makes the most out of it.

By that point, he’s also already grasped Masaki’s personality. When they’re done, Masaki calls Fuu over while they’re having coffee. He also shares with Minato all the material he had about archery, which ranged from students’ books to exclusive publications to old magazines, and the two of them have a priceless dialogue that the anime cut out:

“It’s amazing that you collected all of these books so thoroughly.” “I didn’t; they were a gift.” “I knew it.” “What do you mean by ‘I knew it’?” “It’s because that kind of detailed work doesn’t suit you, Masa-san.” “Don’t you feel like treating your seniors with even a bit of respect?” “Not at all.” “Good grief, does that mean I have to teach you by praising you?”

Masaki then hands him a rubber mascot and recommends him the muscle training that he learned from his grandfather. The two of them speculate on the reasons why Minato might have gotten target panic and discuss methods to cure it. Then Minato finds out about Masaki’s powder container and the bikini pattern on it, and they have yet another beautiful exchange that KyoAni has ruined:

“What kind of drawing is that?” “Oh, Minato is a healthy young man too, eh?” “No way, this is…” “Yep, it’s a bikini.” “You have some rare items here, old man.” “I’m honored to receive a compliment from you.” “It wasn’t a compliment—!”

Harold, they’re bi.

The following evening, Minato goes to the shrine not realizing that his back had been injured when he and Seiya fought, but Masaki notices it and insists on treating it. This results in Minato taking off his shirt so that Masaki could stick a bandage to it, and honestly, Minato could have been thinking about anything at that moment and I would have been okay with it. He could have thought about Seiya, about the club, about what to have for dinner that night even. Any crap would have sufficed. But nah.

Nah.

He’s thinking about the cold touch of Masaki’s hands on his skin and shivering at it. Because. You know. That’s what straight boys do.

Minato’s shooting is horrible that night and he’s sullen because of the lack of the smell of coffee, since Masaki had brought tea instead. He asks to see Fuu, but Masaki reveals that Fuu had only been with him because he was feeding it and healing its wound, and after it got better, it left his hands. This leads to an exchange that somewhat feels like foreshadowing:

“So it dumped you after you healed it?” “Any problem with that?” “Noooope.”

And it causes Masaki to notice that Minato is feeling anxious, so he tries to confort him, and Minato confides to him about the whole issue with the club and Seiya. Masaki tells him that he’s probably conveying to Seiya he has lingering attachments, and suggests that he takes upon Seiya’s offer. Minato counter-argues that he has no confidence for it, and Masaki asks if he’d be just drawing a bow all alone from that point onward. Minato questions what he means by “all alone”, and it’s only then that Masaki says, “Don’t think that I’ll be here forever. You shouldn’t keep coming to this place.” Minato is confused by his words but doesn’t ask for clarification because they sound like Masaki had grown tired of him. He compares it to something like what a child would say to a stray animal that they’d picked out of pity but then grew bored of.

Masaki is completely unaware of the effect this had on Minato and casually asks him to put away his powder container, tossing it to him. And my God, my sweet lordly goodness gracious, there’s a really odd emphasis on the bikini pattern when Minato catches it. THE DOUBLE ENTENDREE IS TOO STRONG, KIDS. Minato is clearly scared of being dumped by him like he was dumped by Fuu, but it's almost like the author tries to hint that Masaki being into women has something to do with Minato’s insecurity. Y’all may think Minato was actually not that affected by it, but after he left the dojo, he did everything robotically and had a restless night, with the mascot that Masaki gave him appearing in his dreams all the while.

The next afternoon, Minato goes to the shrine to return Masaki’s powder container, which he had accidentally brought home with him, and then the whole misunderstanding about Masaki being dead happens. When Minato returns in the evening, Masaki’s tsurune sounds like a funeral march to him. He finds Masaki in nousha clothing and two shots short of achieving ten thousand, and thinks that the scene as a whole looks just like a skillful stage production. He’s also oddly fixated on Masaki’s “exposed skin” and “fascinating profile”.

It’s here that Minato shows the first signs of selfishness towards Masaki. One would think that being excessively cared for by Seiya would mean that he’d be more of a free-spirited person, and his discomfort at Seiya’s meddling might seem like a sign of that. And indeed, Minato is like that with everyone else, except Masaki.

With Masaki, he’s the greediest little bitch.

He starts begging that the night would never end. He literally wishes that time would stop so that he could be there with Masaki forever. Like, screw his dad, screw Seiya, screw the entire rest of his life; he just wants Masaki to remain there.

Masaki was, of course, oblivious to this. He decides to recreate a scene from Zen in the Art of Archery that he had once mentioned to Minato with his last two shots. He lights up sage and positions it at the target bank, and after he shoots, he thanks Minato and says he has no more regrets. This makes Minato feel like he might disappear at any moment, and that’s when we get the iconic “don’t pass on” scene.

I must point out that one of the things I find really interesting in character dynamics is when a character has set rules of conduct and ideals for themselves but they break all of them willingly for the sake of only one other character, and that’s exactly what happens between these two. This trope is used by the author in a very obviously intentional way, which is even better.

Before Minato runs to Masaki and begs him not to leave, there’s a series of ironies to consider:

Minato dislikes being clingy with people on default.

He doesn’t do things like wishing upon stars, but if he were to, he’d wish for Masaki to stay with him.

The night before, Masaki had told him: “In the future, if you find someone that you like very much and you have to part ways with that person, will you give up without doing anything when that time comes just because you have no confidence? There are things people can’t beat no matter how much they wish to be strong. But if you do meet something that you truly don’t want to lose, it should be able to make you cling to it and shout.” Of course, Masaki had absolutely no idea that this “person” could be himself. Since he was talking about the future, he probably meant a lover.

Minato’s response is that he’d never so something so embarrassing in his life.

Yeah, boi played himself.

When Minato holds onto Masaki and shouts at him not to go anywhere, a lot is different from the anime version. For starters, since Masaki had his sleeve down, Minato basically shoved himself onto his bare chest. He also grabbed Masaki roughly with both hands, only, it’s not said where he grabbed. I............ kinda hope he didn’t grab the same spot as he did in the anime. ‘Cause. Well. Titty out.

Anyway. Minato was half-crying back there, and his words to Masaki during this moment are an absolute treasure and I have no idea why KyoAni would cut so much of it out, so here go his original lines:

“Are you a ghost? No, wait, a zombie? You’re so cold… But I’m never letting you go! You’re still my master, after all. Until the master passes on all his skills to the disciple, he has the responsibility to watch over him. No, wait, you don’t have to be my master. I just want you to stay here, Masa-san. If you’re a ghost, you can possess me; if you’re a vampire, I’ll give you my blood; and if you’re a zombie, huum, well… I’ll try to not mind even if you stink a little!”

Read this again. Digest it. Or at least try, because there’s just too much going on. Sure it’s all really damn funny, but Minato’s possessiveness is peaking here. He’s basically declaring that, supposing Masaki were actually a ghost, Minato wouldn’t let him rest and wouldn’t hand him over to even death itself. At first, Minato tries to argue that there should be still something chaining Masaki to the world of the living, since he hasn’t fulfilled his role as mentor yet. But then he thinks it over and decides that he wouldn’t want Masaki to leave him even after having taught him everything he knows. And the solutions that he comes up with are not only over-the-top but also risky.

“If you’re a ghost, you can possess me.” What the fuck, kid? “If you’re a vampire, I’ll give you my blood.” What the actual everloving fuck, kid?

So, yeah, he’s known Masaki for less than a week and is already willing to give his flesh and blood and overall control of his life for the sake of keeping him at a reachable distance. Bonus for actually picturing Masaki taking possession of his physical form and biting his neck to suck the life out of him.

How very straight.

The fact that Masaki’s jaw drops and he lets his bow fall to the floor is an icing on the cake. After he laughs his ass off once the misunderstanding is solved, he comments how “it’s really true that the sillier the kid is, the cuter” and then teases by asking if Minato was relieved that he wasn’t a ghost. This chapter section is just glorious.

Masaki then asks if Minato hadn’t been showing up because he thought he was a ghost, and Minato answers that he was merely doing as told after Masaki said that he shouldn’t come to the place. As if him being a ghost would stop this relentless little fucker. Masaki reveals that since Fuu had returned to the forest, he believed Minato should return to where he belonged as well. However, Minato had immediately come back to him, and he couldn’t do anything about that.

The two of them then went to collect the arrows and sat next to each other for their usual coffee time. Masaki explains that the powder container was a present from his grandfather, who was also his former master, and tells him the meaning behind his ten thousand shots. Yes, the one he opens up to about his grandfather being a good archer but a shitty teacher is Minato, not Tommy-sensei.

The thing is: his grandfather never asked if he liked archery. He simply thought that Masaki was fooling around because his form was messed up, so Masaki was cast away by him as someone who should be ignored due to apparently not taking archery seriously enough. The truth was that Masaki was actually trying his best, which is why he was so deeply hurt by his grandfather’s attitude that he quit archery and didn’t join the archery club in college. However, he undoubtedly loved it, and had always been thinking of ways of reconciling with his grandfather, but to no avail.

His grandfather was still estranged from him when he passed away, so Masaki came up with the idea of shooting ten thousand arrows in order to communicate with him from the other side. After he overcame target panic and fixed his form, he was able to become the exemplary archer that his grandfather wished he would be, so he set the task upon himself to get rid of his burdens and send his grandfather’s soul to rest.

No, KyoAni, it wasn’t for petty revenge against a dead person, omg.

It’s also clear by this point that Masaki and Minato are parallels of each other. Masaki, too, ended up returning to the forest, to his family’s shrine and to its dojo, and troublesome as it could be, he found himself unable to stop drawing the bow. While he talks about this to Minato, there’s a quick emphasis on the azaleas blooming nearby, and their flower language surely has something to do with the scene. Amongst other things, they mean “remembering your home with fondness or wishing to return to it”, “caring for yourself and your family”, “temperance and emotional evenness”, and “delicate passion”. All of this emphasizes how awesome a character Masaki is, and the way the anime ignores every single one of his best points is just appalling.

When Masaki finishes speaking, Minato decides to shoot at the targets instead of the close-range practice he had been doing until that point. Masaki lets him, and he goes as far as getting dressed up in the uniform in order to do it. He hits for the first time ever since his target panic started acting up, at the edge of the target. Overcome with nostalgia and feeling so happy that he could die, Minato shoots again and manages to hit the center. Minato then realizes how hungry he had been for the bow and realizes that there’s actually still hope for him as an archer. Masaki asks if he had also recovered, and he declares he’ll join the archery club.

After he joins and Masaki comes in as the coach, Seiya sees his reaction and asks Masaki if he owned a pet bird. Masaki is confused and answers no, because he really doesn’t. Minato, on the other hand, wants to run the fuck away because shit, Dad found out who he’d been with all those nights.

Training camp starts shortly after this, and it’s wildly different from the anime. Starting from the fact that the whole servant thing never happened. Masaki never made the boys serve the girls, never tried to coax them into doing his priest work, never wakes them up at 4am, never barges in on them taking a bath and never keeps them from practicing. I’m trying to figure out why KyoAni made him do all of this, not just because it wasn’t in the books, but also because literally none of that made any sense and served no purpose other than for painting Masaki as an irresponsible asshole.

In the novel’s training camp, the boys and the girls share the load. They all do the chores and are made to help around the shrine alongside practicing because they were staying there. They would cook their own meals, and Masaki and Tommy-sensei did them the favor of taking them to hot springs at some point. There was training aside from practice, and the kids would gather in the boys’ room right before sleep time simply to hang out.

Masaki had also done thorough research on the tournament results and tried to get the kids to reach them with a cautious and slow start. All the way up to this point, through the training camp and until the tournament, Masaki coaches the kids properly, giving really helpful tips, fixing their quirks and being overall a good observation example, never casting pressure on them and never poking his nose where he shouldn’t.

This is all very important to everyone, but above them, it is to Minato. He’s by far the one who benefits the most off the training, and Masaki’s careful supervision is everything he needs while his target panic isn’t cured.

There is some misplaced gay in the anime for the two of them in the training camp, though, as the scene of Masaki helping Minato get dressed doesn’t happen. But in the novel, the clothes Minato wore were Masaki’s, not his grandfather’s. And after the yawatashi, Minato comments on how it was an honor to serve as Masaki’s kaizoe.

Ren was introduced differently in the novel as well. In it, he went straight for Minato at first sight, played a prank on him, and then asked if he was “Minato-kun”. Meaning that Masaki gushed so much about Minato to his brother that he already knew exactly who Minato was and what he looked like. Minato almost doesn’t believe that Ren and Masaki are related because Ren seemed like he was mischievous in his younger years.

After Minato falls in the river getting back Nanao’s hat, Masaki lends him his jacket and takes him back to the shrine for a bath. Not because he was “stinking of river”, but because he wanted Minato to warm himself up as fast as possible. Minato argues that Seiya might worry if he doesn’t return soon, and Masaki tells him not to fret about it as he should prioritize his own health.

Once Minato is done, he meets with Masaki in the dining room and Masaki pours him hot coffee. Since he usually only ever saw Masaki in a hakama, Minato thinks it’s refreshing to have a glimpse on his everyday life.

Not just the warm drink but being there with Masaki makes Minato feel relieved and relaxed, and he opens up about maybe being a bother to everyone. Masaki brushes it off, and so, he ends up also venting about Seiya and how he acts like a meddlesome family member. He reveals that Seiya unintentionally pressures him into meeting his expectations, but what Minato thinks wouldn’t worry him often has the opposite effect. Masaki asks when he’d started acting that way, and Minato tells him about his car accident and that Seiya had witnessed it. Masaki suggests that Seiya might have earned his protectiveness from the event, but Minato feels like Seiya harbors some sort of guilt towards him. When he says he feels like repenting for it, and this leads to the two of them being little shits like they usually are around each other:

“‘Repenting’? I’m a Shinto priest, not Christian. I can perform exorcism rites and blessings, though.” “Eeeh, you don’t seem very holy, Masa-san.” “What did you say? Well, then do you want to ask Ren? Unlike me, he has some kind of ability to sense the supernatural, and he has a priest certificate anyway. But there may be surprises, so people with weak hearts should take caution.”

And then these two bastards just look at each other and start laughing.

Minato takes the opportunity to ask about what Masaki had been teaching Kaito and Masaki explains it.......... sort of differently than how he had done with Kaito:

Masa-san held Minato’s arm so lightly that he almost wasn’t touching him at all. His faintly transmitted body temperature was warm. And then, he let go of his arm just as gently as when he touched it. Minato desperately chased after the feeling left on his skin so he wouldn’t forget it.

The last sentence fucks me up immensely, fam. The rest goes on unlike in the anime too:

“Why do you think you’re the ochi for this time’s shooting order?” “To watch over my teammates’ backs?” “You’re on the right track; that’s half-correct. You have to protect Seiya’s back in particular.” “Me, protect Seiya?” “It’s a role that only you can take. I’m also happy to pass on the teachings that my master left to me. I can’t express the feeling of his palm with things like words and pictures. Thank you, Minato.”

This renders Minato speechless, and makes him think that he also can’t help but long for the day to come when he would pass the warmth of Masaki’s hand on to people who will share their wishes and ambitions with him.

After the sports tournament in which Seiya’s protective dad vibes started getting more serious, Minato went to the shrine to pray, wishing to be able to laugh the whole thing off but having no idea who to talk to about the topic. Masaki shows up as if on cue, just in time to also warn him not to lean too much to look into the shrine’s pond, or else he might fall down.

Turns out that Masaki had been taking lessons to improve his knowledge so that he’d be able to coach the kids better, and as he came back from it, he decided to review what he had learned in order not to forget it, and allowed Minato to stay and watch. Some of the material had to do with target panic, and he let Minato in on it as he shot.

Once he’s done, they have their usual canned coffee, since Masaki always has enough for himself and Minato for some reason. While drinking, Minato stares at Masaki’s hand because he’s just as straight as his arrows. He analyzes Masaki’s shooting as something like a forest in a tree, combining strength and generosity, and becomes disheartened at his own lack of skill.

Masaki offers to call Fuu upon hearing Minato sigh, and Minato dismisses it since he had been able to hear Fuu’s cry, and then comments to Masaki that he had seen a karp with an injured eye at the pond. Before Masaki had arrived, Minato had met Ren there and Ren had told him about a creepy legend involving the fish. Minato had heard from Masaki that Ren had more disposition than him to feel the supernatural, so he’s successfully freaked out, but Masaki reveals that the legend is Ren’s own invention as Ren is a writer of children’s literature in addition to being a photographer and illustrator.

Masaki laughs his ass off at the fact Minato actually believed in a scary story made up for little kids, and although Minato is utterly embarrassed, he’s also happy, since it feels like Masaki is laughing his worries away. After Masaki unknowingly serves as emotional support for Minato as always, Minato earns some determination and decides to properly question Seiya on the matter.

Even when he’s facing Seiya and his issues finally come to light, Minato is thinking about Masaki. When Minato opened up to Masaki for the first time, Masaki had commented on how painful it must have been for him. They weren’t words of pity or consolation, but they resonated with Minato because they were truthful which means Shuu has to step up his game and get on that level. To Minato, truthful things were good, and good things were beautiful, just like the tsurune that had captivated him in the forest. Therefore, Minato wanted to convey honest feelings with his own words to Seiya as well.

So, yeah, Masaki grows to be an ideal for Minato even outside of archery.

Along the course of all this, there’s a fair amount of hints of latent bisexuality other things about Minato that the anime hasn’t displayed, which come mostly in the form of narration, thoughts and silent actions. And unsurprisingly, they’re always related to Masaki:

Minato thinks Masaki’s eyes are bewitching.

He’s weak to Masaki’s smile.

He has mixed feelings when Masaki treats him like a child and when he sees Kaito acting familiar with Masaki.

He hates not being able to see Masaki. Above that, he really hates not having alone time with Masaki, specifically.

He often stares at Masaki and observes details in him, like how long his fingers are and how well-built his body is. The moment he started thinking that “those fingers had the ability to produce a beautiful tsurune”, I cry-laughed because this is just too much bullshit.

He actually, non-ironically sees sensuality in older men when they look suspicious of something, and he notices this in Ren. But the first thing he does is compare him to Masaki in that aspect and conclude that Masaki still has some childishness in him and that he’s gentler than Ren.

God help this boy. Ayano Kotoko is merciless.

I don’t even care if he’s never confirmed as bi, but I refuse to believe that Minato is heterosexual. But of course KyoAni isn’t making any of this clear. Of course.

Anyway, moving on. Episode 11 was a disgrace. Literally none of it happens in the novel.

What goes on after Minato settles things up with Seiya is that Masaki takes the boys to an equipment store to buy stuff for the club. There, Masaki and Minato have a talk about Masaki’s grandfather, and Minato finds out that he was actually a famous archer. Minato then becomes convinced of why Masaki was so into archery, as anyone would want to draw a bow having a master that great so near them, but Masaki retorts that he’d been holding a bow before even knowing anything very well (which brings us back to the fact he started archery when he was a toddler). As a matter of course, Masaki asks why Minato started archery, and Minato answers it was because he once watched a competition ten years before with his mother and never forgot it. He also comments that the tsurune of the archer that won and Masaki’s were exactly alike. And that’s where we get the second obvious hint that fate is one of this duo’s main elements.

After they’re done, Seiya and Masaki stay behind at a café to do accounting work and the other four left first. Minato remained outside while the others decided to go into a bookstore, and after a creepy encounter with an injured cat that reminded him of the injured fish, Minato was almost killed in a truck accident. A truck driver lost control of the wheel and the timbers that the truck was carrying flew out. Minato was almost fatally hit but Masaki saved him at the cost of a head injury that sent him straight to the hospital.

Minato and Seiya went with Masaki in the ambulance and waited outside the surgery room for him. Seiya was used to it after having gone through the same thing during Minato’s accident, so he remained calm, but Minato was a ball of nerves. His sense of reality was impaired, and he was asking himself what would happen if Masaki never woke up.

When Ren arrives, Minato apologizes for being the reason why Masaki was in such condition, but Ren dismisses him and tells the boys that they’re free to go home. Minato insists he'd stay, and the boys end up staying as well. Masaki regains consciousness not much after that, and asks about Minato immediately after finding out where he is.

Ren leaves to call a nurse, Seiya leaves to contact Tomio and Minato stays by Masaki’s bedside. Minato doesn’t know what to say; neither how to apologize nor how to thank Masaki. He had gotten nine stitches and seeing the bandage on his head caused Minato to feel pained.

Read this one more time, and then read the in-betweens. Masaki has earned himself a scar. Minato wasn’t taken away by the gods, but now the two of them are “separated from everyone else”.

While Minato is hanging his head in guilt and gripping the bedsheets, this dialogue ensues:

“What’s wrong, Minato? You’re making such an ugly face. I’m perfectly alive.” “Masa-san, if you had died, I’d have followed after you.” “Hey, hey, don’t say such disturbing things.” “I really mean it.” “Good grief.”

And what I love about this is that Minato says the literal most drastic shit that he’s thinking, out of fucking nowhere, for no goddamn reason. Neither thanking nor apologizing was quite right; he just had to declare that not even death can do them part, again.

Because fuck you, that’s why.

Masaki then stretched out his hand (which had an IV in it because why not add more pain to this clusterfuck) and ruffled Minato’s hair. Minato started crying, unable to stop even if he willed it, thinking to himself that he knew the weight of Masaki’s hand, and that it was still warm. He wanted to thank everyone who had helped Masaki survive, but could only keep crying until Ren and Seiya came back.

Next day at school, Minato was approached by a classmate who had heard rumors about the accident. When the boy mentions that Masaki would be publicly acknowledged for his deed and that he became a local hero, Minato glares daggers at him because he hates the idea of Masaki being treated as a martyr at the cost of almost throwing his life away to protect him.

Minato and Seiya were consoled by Tomio when he saw them, and Minato once again felt like crying his eyes out. He knew that Masaki would have laughed at him if he were there, but the tears were welling up in his eyes all the same.

When they all go visit Masaki after school, Masaki wastes no time to give the boys advice. He finishes by giving Minato a pep talk: “Enjoy the state of the draw. If you keep stretching to open left and right from the center line of your body, your arrow will naturally be let go of along with the triggering of your spirit. That’s what the ‘release’ is about. Drive target panic and delayed hold away.”

After that, Masaki told them that they didn’t have to visit him anymore, but Minato refused it and went to visit him every single day.

The day before the tournament, Minato went to the shrine. He saw the surrounding cherry trees without any flowers and thought about how different they were in comparison to when he and Masaki had first met. He then prayed for everyone in the club to to their best at the tournament and for Masaki to get better as fast as possible.

After lunch, Minato went to the lobby of the building by himself, still plagued by his anxiety over not knowing when his target panic could start up again. He then sees coffee in a vending machine and walks towards it “as if drawn to it”. He buys a can, drinks the contents, and when he’s throwng it away, he notices someone standing under the shadow of the pillar behind the vending machine. The person was drinking the same brand of coffee as Minato had drunk, and he got a deja-vu from the sight, so he peeked into the man’s face.

Really feeling the Red String of Fate vibes in this Chili’s once more, and it was, of course, all on purpose. But that’s just the tip of the iceberg in this chapter. As Minato’s eyes met with Masaki’s, they have their usual comedy routine:

“Masa-san!?” “S’up, Minato.” “Don’t you ‘s’up’ me!? Why are you here? Today’s not the day you’ll be discharged from the hospital, right?” “I escaped from the hospital. It’d be a bother if Tommy-sensei and the others hear about this, so keep quiet.” “‘Keep quiet’, you say…” “Yeah, yeah, you hide too, Minato.”

Masaki pulls Minato into the shadow of the pillar and explains that Ren helped him flee from the hospital by pretending to be him. On top of that, he was wearing a cap to hide the bandage around his head.

When Masaki expresses his wish to watch his students, Minato argues that they were recording the matches for him, but Masaki shoots back that he can’t see the details on camera and comments that Minato had forgotten to tighten his left pinky during the draw. He clarifies that the rubber dormouse was meant to train his muscles of the hand and help him control them, and asks if Minato had been worrying over something. As always, he hits jackpot, and also as always, Minato doesn’t hide it from him. Masaki then assures him that he’d shot well either way, that it was fine to be nervous and that it was okay not to hit. His attitude is too easygoing for Minato, who asks himself how Masaki can afford to be drinking coffee so carefreely at such a timing. It all makes his worries seem foolish, and he soon starts feeling better. Masaki informs him that he’d leave as soon as the last round ended and leaves Minato to fight back a smile before he goes back to the venue.

This scene is probably the one that makes most obvious how Masaki is always there for Minato, almost like it’s a rule. He’s conveniently placed at a distance where Minato can find him, is able to realize that Minato is distressed, and easily makes him feel better. It’s undebatably intentional from the author’s part.

Fast forward to right before the final round, Tomio gives the boys their headbands. They’re yellowish green, which is Minato’s assigned color, and that’s obviously intentional as well. Tomio calls them “treasure items” and reveals that they’d been “blessed by a certain priest”.

While the boys take on Kirisaki, Masaki is in the audience, wondering if Minato realizes how much he attracts those around him. He reminisces to his 10,000 shots, and how he had decided on that absurd number because he intended to let go of the bow permanently after he was done with them. He found extreme joy in archery, but he was tired of pursuing abstract goals with it, so he had decided to give it up. But on the night he completed the 10,000 shots, Minato had extended his hands to him, and his eyes had told Masaki that he could still draw his bow. Minato is described as the one who sent his smouldering soul into the wind, his “fire-starter”.

This is also valid for Minato, who is, at the very same moment, reflecting on how he wouldn’t have arrived at that place if he hadn’t heard Masaki’s tsurune on that night. He then has a long monologue about life and meetings, both between people and between humans and gods, all related to archery one way or another.

Right upon finishing the formalities, Minato looked at the audience, and found Masaki standing in the wind. As always, his eyes are drawn to him, and also as always, Masaki grins at him when spotted.

Later on, while Kazemai prepared for the regional tournament, Masaki was discharged from the hospital, and the first thing he and Minato do after meeting again is check on each other’s codition. Then, Minato reveals to Masaki that he and the boys had contacted an acquaintace of his grandfather’s and learned the words he had expressed about Masaki before dying. Masaki is confused, and Minato says that his grandfather had regretted becoming estranged from him. When Masaki argues that his grandfather would never say something so admirable, Minato tells him the words directly: “I look forward to Masaki becoming a fine archer”. Masaki almost cried right then, and so, the boys’ practice started. Masaki joined them, and I think it’s very obvious that he was going to shoot the target next to Minato’s.

There were also these sentences in the narration as Masaki holds back tears: “‘Fortune’ might have been a word that referred to all meetings. A gift named coincidence, as though someone had devised it.”

Of course someone fucking deviced it, Ayano. It was fucking fate. We fucking get it, Ayano. Fucking thank you. Unironically.

#tsurune #narumiya minato #takigawa masaki #takehaya seiya #fujiwara shuu #tsurune kazemai koukou kyuudoubu #onogi kaito #kisaragi nanao #yamanouchi ryouhei #seo rika #hanazawa yuuna #shiragiku noa #sugawara senichi #sugawara manji #motomura hiroki #sase daigo #kyoani #kyoto animation #ayano kotoko

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youwillcallher · 6 years ago

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something that’s been bothering me about this season is how little dennis’ absence has been addressed, even as a joke! we know rcg and they literally never leave any plot point unaddressed, they love bringing back even tiny things from previous seasons and showing the later consequences of them (for instance, dennis continuing to impersonate brian lefevre leading to mandy and north dakota etc etc etc) so why would they not focus on it? it feels like they’re purposefully starving us for an explanation and dragging it out much longer than literally any other show would. i remember seeing an interview where glenn said something like “dennis, the character, decided to leave the bar, and we’re going to take that decision and development seriously.” but the thing is, they haven’t!

or at least, not yet.

(putting it under a read more because this got long)

as we all know, there’s some timeline fuckery happening this season -- the gang beats boggs 2: ladies reboot happens after the super bowl (see: guigino’s waiter). this is the first time the super bowl episode has been brought up. we see it mentioned again in time’s up for the gang. rcg is clearly laying breadcrumbs leading up to the episode, and it must have some significance.

we all know rex is back in the episode, and i don’t think it’s unreasonable whatsoever to theorize that out gay beefcake mac and rex, someone mac has been outwardly attracted to since season three, will definitely at the very least do some intense flirting, and seeing as it is the super bowl, it also wouldn’t be unreasonable to think hmm! maybe there’s a kiss cam moment in there! maybe with rex, maybe not, but i think we’re definitely going to see some very gay mac in that episode, hopefully making out with some beefcake on live television.

if that happens, which honestly seems pretty possible (why else bring rex back if not for a symbol of mac’s gay awakening and maybe the first time we see him actually getting with a guy?), i think it’s entirely plausible that it sets off the sequence of events leading to dennis coming back to philly.

say dennis is sitting at home in ND, watching the big game (cause even if you take the man out of philly, you can’t take philly out of the man!), and the kiss cam starts rolling. he doesn’t pay much attention at first -- watching people that aren’t him make out is one of his top pet peeves, why should he give a shit if other people kiss? it’s not like they’re fucking, and more importantly, if he’s not involved, there is literally no reason to care -- but then suddenly he sees a familiar face and freezes in place. his eyes are glued to the screen, his hand stops digging through the bowl of popcorn he’s holding, his face contorts into shock then confusion then disgust: mac is making out with a guy on live tv. mac is making out with a guy on live tv. mac is making out with a guy on live tv. mac is making out with a guy on live tv.

the very next morning, dennis’ bags are packed, and he’s back to philly. not because he finally realizes he’s in love with mac and is returning to confess his undying adoration for him and win him back, like some shitty rom com. no, it’s because dennis can deal with a lot of things, sure, but watching the one person he thought would always worship and love him, someone who’s unending admiration and devotion to him has always been as constant, expected, and without deviation as (as @rcgrights brilliantly put it) the air dennis needs to breathe -- watching that person immediately move on without a second thought, on live tv, no less? this is the ultimate humiliation and betrayal in dennis’ eyes. he has no idea what the fuck the emotions he’s currently feeling are, but he knows none of them are positive, and that he wants them to stop. reminder that this is dennis “i just want everything to go back to normal” reynolds, a man who hides his dependence and insecurities under layers and layers of superiority. but yet, in a split second, all of his carefully constructed walls had come crashing down because mac, the one person he thought would always adore and desire him, apparently no longer does. if mac’s no longer in love with him, who even is he? mac’s love for him has become so deeply intertwined in the dynamic of the gang, the only people on earth he cares about, so deeply intertwined in his life, so deeply intertwined in his own psyche, that now that it’s no longer obvious he has no idea what to do with himself. he never thought it would come to this. so something has to change.

mac is, as we all know, an extremely dependent and emotionally stunted person. he had a horrible and depressing upbringing, and now, after a lifetime of being neglected, avoided, and unloved, he is stuck in the freudian pregenital stage, which is marked by feelings of intense deprivation and loss. this is something that’s always been woven into his character, even though it became clearer and clearer as time went on. back in the season five commentary for mac and dennis break up, dr. drew pinsky (an actual psychologist and doctor from celebrity rehab that, for whatever reason, rcg brought on) says about mac’s fear of abandonment in relation to dennis: “everything threatens him because he’s in an abandonment crisis right now. he got close to being abandoned so anything now is a threat.” this is a pretty accurate explanation for almost all of mac’s interactions with dennis -- the more it seems like dennis is moving away from him, the more desperate he is to have him back, and the more outwardly affectionate he is out of fear of abandonment. however, part of being as emotionally stunted as mac is not being able to properly understand what happens when people distance themselves, be that physically, emotionally, or both. to quote dr. drew talking about mac, “one thing about little kids, like, two-year-olds, they can’t tolerate coming and going. when somebody’s out of sight, they cease to exist. very primitive way of perceiving other people” to which charlie day responds “yes, mac’s very primitive.” this knowledge makes it easy to understand mac’s apparent lack of response to dennis’ absence -- out of sight, out of mind. if he’s not there, he ceases to exist. obviously, it’s not that simple, but having dennis be gone is almost a relief for mac: he doesn’t have to worry about pleasing him and gaining his love and respect anymore, because he’s not in the picture. there’s no way mac can even screw it up because he’s just not there. this is a weird and unwelcome but surprisingly freeing feeling that mac isn’t quite sure how to deal with.

unfortunately, he doesn’t get much opportunity to find out, because before he knows it, dennis is back.

dennis is back, refusing to explain what happened, telling them to just move past it, which is strange because no one, not even dennis, leaves their family and retcons a major life decision they felt confident in for absolutely no reason. if the reason was that he got tired of being a dad, or he didn’t like mandy, or that the north dakota life was boring and just not for him, why wouldn’t he tell the gang, even in a split second off hand manner? it’s strange that he wouldn’t mention it whatsoever. unless, of course, the only reason he came back is one that dennis can’t wrap his mind around, one that for all logical conclusions shouldn’t be a reason at all. it’s just like the part of the gang does a clip show where they ask him to name one good thing about living with mac, and he can’t. mac is annoying, doesn’t pay rent or do any work, all he does is go on the dildo bike, etc.. there is no reason why dennis should keep living with him, and dennis knows that. so why has he lived with him for twenty years, why has he not taken any of the many opportunities he’s been given to move out for good, why did he not get a new apartment after coming back from north dakota, why does he still stay with mac when there’s absolutely no logical explanation for it? these are the questions that dennis desperately tries to avoid thinking about, for fear of finding out something he doesn’t want to know about himself, about mac, about them. so, he replaces these insecurities with the only things he knows how: superiority complexes, cockiness, and being an absolute dick to mac. because that means that dennis is above mac, right? he’s still himself, he’s still awesome, he doesn’t need mac, right? if he insults mac and makes it clear he’s not interested in him, then on some level that has to be true, right?

let’s say he’s more self aware than he seems to be, though. let’s say he has some vague idea of what’s going on, or at the very least, knows he wants mac back to normal. if he wants mac to dote on him again, then why would he treat him 10x shittier than he has any other time? well, dennis prides himself on his minoring in psychology, as we all know, and even if he kind of sucks at it, there’s no way anyone with even the tiniest background in psych wouldn’t have picked up on mac’s abandonment issues. and knowing that dennis 1) knows mac so well, and 2) most likely knows how the pre-genital stage/fear of abandonment works from his past education, it’s fitting to assume that he knows that the best way to get mac immediately back under his influence is to be completely and totally awful to him. the worse dennis is to mac, the harder mac tries. and dennis is desperate for mac to try, he’s so used to having mac’s constant approval of him that now that he feels like he’s lost it, he needs it back, and needs it stronger than ever. this may be why dennis has been so awful to mac all season, but, of course, continues living with him, continues being around him, and is even back in philly in the first place. again, why else could he possibly be back? maybe this is entirely speculation and i’m reading way too deeply into everything, but it really seems as if this is one of the only explanations for dennis’ admittedly strange behavior this season.

let’s just say that i’m anxiously and apprehensively awaiting the gang wins the big game.

#OOOOOOOOOF THIS IS SO LONG #but i'm lowkey proud of it i hope it doesn't flop #plz read for some predictions/md meta!#macdennis #iasip #It's always sunny in philadelphia #mac macdonald #dennis reynolds #meta #iasip s13 #the gang wins the big game #the gang does a clip show #it's always sunny #casey.txt #s13 #100

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winetae · 7 years ago

Text

⇾ city of stars | 01

⇁ female reader x yoongi ; female reader x taehyung

⇁ drama, slight angst || hollywood!au, actor!bts, enemies to lovers

⇁ 5.1k

. . .

When your childhood sweetheart packs his bags to pursue his dreams in the big city, the two of you promise to meet again once you’ve both become successful. Years later, you find yourself running to and fro auditions, desperately trying to make ends meet, while his face is plastered on every giant sized billboard in town.

↳ or; no one ever said the road to success was easy

a/n; OR a new short series literally no one asked for

+ inspired by the movie la la land (2016) and the anime skip beat (2002) “mama didn’t raise no weak hoe, you gonna push it” – sassi’s words of wisdom and also the reason i finally finished this;; ily !!!! this is for u

A beginning and an end—these moments bookend all your shelved romances.

Although the denouement may often vary—tears, a broken picture frame, a kiss—the origin story remains, for the most part, the same. But contrary to any of your previous encounters, Min Yoongi disrupts the familiar formula of exchanged hellos and awkward pleasantries.

Maybe it starts like this:

an ugly brown stain on your new white blouse, one iced caramel macchiato wasted.

In the movies, the guy offers his number and a free lunch to make up for his clumsiness, or gives up his hoodie to cover his mistake. The lead finds his efforts to earn forgiveness endearing, and soon enough, one date becomes two, two eventually turns to six. Somewhere along the way—between date number nine and eleven—he musters the courage to profess his love with a kiss, under the sleek blanket of a starry sky.

But this is not the movies, you are reminded, as the cold beverage clings to your skin and shirt unpleasantly.

“Motherfucker!”

It is not the most eloquent start, either.

You hope the sheer force of your glare has the power to pull an apology from his lips, but he stays still—completely indifferent to your plight.

“You should pay attention to your surroundings,” he drawls, unmoved.

Your immediate reaction is to scowl, brow creasing with indignation. If this had been any other day, you would have attempted to laugh it off because you’re no stranger to accidents. But today is D-Day: the start of pilot season and also your chance at finally landing a substantial role, something with more visibility and depth than the cheerleader #3 background character you’ve always been relegated to in the past. Today is supposed to be your ticket to stardom—the prized opportunity for your talent to finally bloom on center stage.

But one glance down at your worn-in wristwatch and panic grips you, dousing you in a sheen of cold sweat, much more unbearable than the spray of caffeine that’s still dripping down your shirt.

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out this blunder will affect the rest of your day. You have two casting calls to attend from noon to four and there is absolutely no way you have any time to grab a change of clothes, especially if you factor in the perpetual traffic that clogs up the city streets. Your stress level is already at an all time high, nerves taut; the stain does nothing but add on to the overwhelming queasy feeling that swells in your gut like a balloon ready to burst. How are you supposed to impress the casting directors when you look like a slob? You can already imagine the offended expressions judging you before you even have time to open your mouth and deliver your well prepared monologue. A sense of utter failure stabs you in the chest and the high hopes you had for the day come crashing down in an instant.

You’re well aware at how much your future depends on how well you do today and the thought that one stranger and a cup of coffee could compromise this opportunity is enough to frustrate you to the point of tears. Maybe if your life was a romantic comedy, the scene unfolding in front of you would take a turn for the better. In such a clichéd scenario, you would expect the heroine to experience the Love at First Sight story archetype and throw away her dreams to chase after her soulmate.

But Min Yoongi is not your knight in shining armor. On the contrary, he is the furthest thing from the Humphrey Bogarts and the Cary Grants that grace the silver screens with their imposing presence and charming smiles. Instead of igniting your insides with desire, the mere sight of him and his lazy smirk makes your blood boil in anger. If you weren’t so attached to your daily dose of caffeine, you would have made sure to drench him in your gluten free pumpkin spice latte.

“Aren’t you going to apologize?” you snap, gesturing at the stain bleeding through the thin fabric of your shirt like a physical wound.

“Aren’t you? The coffee around this part of town is more expensive than a pack of cigarettes, y’know.” His derisive tone infuriates you further; it takes a herculean effort to not shove his empty cup of coffee up his ass.

Neither of you budge.

He stares you down and, had you been a lesser woman, you would have caved under the intensity of his glare. Maybe even cried a little. Still, you hold your ground, refusing to let yourself be intimidated by his scowl.

“You realize you owe me a coffee, sweetheart.”

If anyone else had delivered the line, you would have thought it to be a poor attempt at flirting. However, he utters the phrase with so much contempt, you almost reel back, struck down by the look he pairs with it.

“What?!”

In retrospect, you should have been more mindful of your surroundings but your mind had been occupied, too focused on revising lines that you already knew by heart. You’re aware the blame can’t be entirely shifted onto you, not when he had been so brusque in his movements, and distantly it registers that you’re both getting heated over nothing. Be the bigger person and let it go, your conscious urges you.

Pursing your lips into a grimace, you adamantly refuse to compromise. The only way your day can go from bad to worse, is if you let a short man with a mean looking face push you around like his plaything. Your aversion is justified, you argue internally.

“I have an audition,” you insist, tone clipped, waving around your script, penned and colored in pink highlighter, as if to prove your point. “I don’t have time for this.”

“Well aren’t you special.” The man sneers, eyes narrowing into slits. “We all have places to be, princess.”

“An apology would be nice,” you grit out, still refusing to back down. The use of pet-names by this stranger only irritates your further, itching at your skin like a insect bite you’re unable to soothe over. “But you’re so uncouth, I won’t waste my breath asking for one.”

“Ouch.” His lips curl into a mocking smirk, “well, maybe if you ask nicely, I’ll give the princess what she wants…”

You want to deck him. But your already limited time is running short, and another peek at the clock makes your fingers twitch around the cup of your drink, contents sloshing around, threatening to spill.

First impressions easily make or break a career. First impressions can also ruin relationships before they have the chance to begin.

Any other day, at any other time, you might have admired the slight glow of his peachy skin, or taken the time to appreciate how the lilt in his speech reminds you of home.

Instead, you flip him the bird and slide your sunglasses up the bridge of your nose so as to signal the end of the conversation. You feel extremely childish, like the star of a young adult drama series, but that doesn’t stop satisfaction from settling onto your features, only partly hidden by your knock-off Gucci shades. But your pleasure is short-lived; his disgruntled expression stays imprinted in your mind long after your argument ends, to your biggest dismay.

It’s funny how a mere stranger is able to single-handedly ruin your day.

Something heavy and uncomfortable sits in your chest, like a ball of lead, and your script trembles in your hand.

You’ve barely made it to your first audition, copies of your resumé neatly tucked under your arm and script clenched tight in your fist, but the memory of the morning’s incident makes it impossible to concentrate on your forthcoming task. This, of course, only infuriates you further, because the last thing you need is for that asshole to distract you from the opportunity you’ve been waiting for. You inhale slowly, counting eight beats before exhaling, trying your best to clear your mind and focus on your day’s objective.

6… 7… 8

You repeat the process until your clenched muscles slowly relax and your breathing evens out.

The role you’re auditioning for is a secondary character in a new TV series, set to debut in the fall on one of the main public channels. The scriptwriter has won half a dozen Emmys in the span of their short career, and from what you’ve been able to read of the script so far, the ratings will probably do well. There’s a good balance between the drama and the romance and to top it off, the dialogue is witty and gives you enough material to work with. For weeks, you’ve been preparing your role, even going as far as to memorize the other characters’ lines just in case they ask you to read for someone else at the audition.

Up until yesterday you were still buzzing with excitement, confident that this job was the one that would finally jumpstart your career. But now, your thoughts are flooded with incessant “what if’s…” that are slowly poisoning your morale. You can already picture yourself announcing to your parents that once again, you didn’t get the part you were pining for…

You hold in a sigh, not looking forward to that phone call. It’s hard to snuff out the smidgen of shame that grows with a pang in your chest whenever you speak to your parents over the phone. You know they patiently await news of your success, so you can’t help but feel like you’ve let them down when their inquiries are met with silence on your end. “The road to success is paved with sacrifices and failure,” your father reminds you often, as if sensing the heaviness that weighs down on your shoulders.

When asked if you have adjusted to the bustling city life, you will always answer in the affirmative. Although the reply is mostly meant to reassure your concerned parents, separated from you by miles upon miles, you can’t help but believe the words you reiterate every weekend over the phone. After all, you’ve been here long enough for the sun to dust your skin gold, freckles blooming on your exposed shoulders. You’ve long since memorized the street names and adjusted your schedule to take into account the constant traffic jams caused by the heavy congestion.

But it’s during times like these, when you’re sandwiched in an elevator with seven other girls your age, all with highlighted hair, professionally blow-dried to glossy perfection, that you realize how out of place you really are. You hug your handbag to your chest in an poor attempt at concealing the obvious brown splatter down your front. From the corner of your eye, you see someone raising their eyebrows in disdain, their expression visible in the elevator wall’s reflection.

She coughs, the sound catching everyone else’s attention.

“You’re auditioning dressed like that?” her voice drips with faux sympathy and immediately embarrassment colors your cheeks.

Remarks like this are to be expected, you suppose, but that doesn’t mean you’re insensitive to the comment.

But before you have time to formulate a retort, a musical chime alerts you that you’ve arrived at the audition scene. Everyone files out and you shuffle after the rest, handbag still clutched to your chest like a physical shield.

You’re told that the auditions will be one-on-one and that your name will be called up when the casting directors are ready. Sitting down in the waiting room only ramps up the angst that threatens to swallow you whole.

The clock ticks by slowly, every measure of time filled with mounting dread. What if you blank out and forget your lines? You run through every possible worst case scenario, despite trying to distract yourself by playing piano tiles on your phone. It obviously doesn’t work and you’re just about to turn off your phone in a fit of frustration, when it buzzes in your hand, alerting you of an incoming message.

A smile pulls at your lips when you realize your best friend, Tina, had sent you a text to cheer you on. You can almost hear her voice as you read out the text, her accent bleeding through the words that light up your screen.

tina [01:23 pm] Smile like fucking Julia Roberts even if they shit on you. If they see you sweat, it means they win, k?

tina [01:23 pm] You got this, bitch :)

Somehow the aggressive motivation encourages you more than any bouquet of expensive white lilies you could have received. She knows how much today means to you and how much you’re worked up over it. You tell each other everything, so she’s well aware that the desire for this job isn’t solely for monetary reasons.

Your dream of being an actress constantly surprises people when you tell them. The word actress evokes images of glamorous movie stars and fearless individuals who aren’t afraid to push their limits in order to create art. Your far from fearless. In fact, it’s taken years before you finally gathered your courage and left behind your family to pursue your dreams.

It’s not easy to lend your body over to your character, but it’s something you study relentlessly—pen stuck between your teeth to practice your elocution, spending your hard earned money to attend acting workshops on the weekends after your shifts end. You devote yourself to the craft, studying everything from Lee Strasberg’s method acting to the Chekhov acting technique. But all of it never seems like it’s enough. It feels like you’re stuck in a swamp, and no matter how much effort you put in, it’ll never be enough to move forward.

Suddenly, your name is called and you jump to your feet, adrenaline making your spine stand straight. You’re quickly ushered into the small room where the casting director and his assistant sit, hands clasped on the wooden table in front of them. Piles of papers are scattered in front of them, and you can spot headshots and crossed out names on a list.

At once, you can feel their serious gazes settle on the coffee stain that adorns the front of your shirt. You ignore the slight raise of their eyebrows and instead shoot them your best smile, the one you’ve long since perfected in front of the mirror in your room.

You present yourself, words tumbling out through your strained smile.

As you start to relax, muscles in your neck loosening, it’s easier to slip back into the role you had worked hard to perfect. Everything from your posture to the tone of your voice changes, and it’s as if you morph into an entirely new person.

At least, that’s what you let yourself think. You’re so into the part you don’t notice they’ve signaled for you to finish prematurely.

“Very well.” A hand comes up in the air à la Simon Cowell, effectively putting a stop to your dramatic speech. You resist the urge to check if he has protruding nipples to match.

You halt mid-sentence, mouth slightly parted, the rest of your prepared phrase stuck in your throat. Aware that you must look like a poor imitation of a goldfish, your jaw closes shut with an audible snap. You glance at his name place card, squinting at the small embossed lettering, before he commands your attention with a cough.

“So, tell me,” Neil continues, crossing his arms and leaning forward to stare you straight in the eyes. “What do you think love is?”

“What love is?” you parrot back, trying to mask your confusion. Is this a trick question of some kind? You fail to understand what answer he expects of you, so instead of answering verbally, you shift around on your feet. It’s hard to think properly when your entire career is on the line; one wrong answer and you can say goodbye to the role you prepared so much for.

“Yes. What is love to you?” He flips through your meager résumé, nodding in what could be either acknowledgement or dismal.

Sweat beads at your hairline while your entire body freezes up. What does he mean by “you”? You wonder if he expects you to answer in character or not… What would your character answer? According to the script, she’s a little airheaded, with no other purpose than comic relief.

“Love is…” you trail off, suddenly overcome with a memory you believed to be buried in the recesses of your mind. The words trigger something within you, and for a second you falter, the rest of the room becoming but a faint buzz of static in your ears.

“I have loved you.”

His words settle into your lungs like a cloud of smoke, making it difficult to breathe. You’re not sure what hurts the most—his apologetic expression or the way he delivers his confession with the utmost sincerity. The use of the past tense only finalizes the blow; the skin of your lips almost bleed from the force of your bite.

“Do you not anymore?” you croak, voice catching in your throat.

You hate crying in front of him. Years ago, whenever you scraped your knees after falling from your bike, you had always refused to shed any tears in his presence. It all flashes through your mind right then like a film stuck on loop— the packs of band-aids you carefully wrap around his blisters and the way his calloused fingers strum your exposed skin like his guitar in gratitude.

“Of course I do.” For the first time since your argument, he loses his composure, the harsh creases between his furrowed brows giving away how much the goodbye is affecting him.

A warm palm encloses your own and with a nudge at your chin, he forces you to meet his own gaze.

You wish he would release you from his hold—only because it would be easier to conceal the trembling in your jaw. He must feel the minute movements beneath the pads of his fingers; for a split second his mask falls, features stricken with grief.

“I’ll always love you,” he finally admits, the quiet confession ringing loudly in your ears.

The sentence echoes in the silence of the room, seemingly amplified by the memories of all the previous times he had whispered the same words, intertwined with soft kisses and familiar caresses. There’s nothing comforting about the admission now—not when it veils the finality of a goodbye.

“But?” you ask tentatively, readying yourself for another blow.

Your reaction, for some reason, seems to anger him, because his expression stiffens—muscles on his face crisping up, wall falling back into place. It’s always been difficult to read him when he closes himself off from you, but it never stops you from trying. You search his features, hoping to find some kind of sign that would clue you in.

“Please don’t make this harder than it is. I thought you, out of everyone in this godforsaken town, would understand me.” You blink, eyelashes damp with unshed tears.

“There’s nothing for me here,” he continues, softer now, glassy eyes not noticing the way you flinch at his words. “If I stay, I’ll never get anywhere. They say there’s more for me out there in the big city. And I know— I know it’s crazy and the competition is tough, but—”

There’s a pause as he gathers breath, your face still cradled in the warmth of his palm. From where you’re standing you can spot the beauty marks and scars that are sprinkled over his skin like tiny constellations. You think back to the time he was twelve and had nicked the skin right above his eyebrow during one of his baseball games. It all seems like a lifetime ago—before puberty had filled his gangling body with hard muscle—but you can still recall with vivid clarity the front he had tried to put up, his brow furrowed and jaw clenched. Much like now, you think.

“But I’ll never know if I don’t at least give it a try. I’ll regret it if I stay cooped up here, wondering every day why I didn’t swallow down my fear and pack my shit up. I know I’ll be miserable if I give up on my dream. You know that, right? It’s the only thing I have going for me. I’m not like you—I suck ass at math and science. I don’t have a future here so I’m going to where I actually have a chance.”

And maybe now is not the time, but it’s impossible to stop the envy from coursing through your veins. How lucky it must be to know what you’re good at and what you want, to be brave enough to leave everything you’ve known behind because you have something to chase after. Unlike him, you’re stuck at a standstill, with nowhere to run forward to and now the only thing grounding you home—gone.

“I have to leave, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, you’re right.”

The last thing you want to hear from his lips is an apology. It’s a painful reminder that there’s a world outside the bubble you’ve built for yourself, that everything around you is changing and you’re the only one stuck in place, unmoving.

In the end, you opt for honesty.

“Love is a promise. It’s waiting for the right person, no matter how long it takes.” Your voice is resolute, even as you twiddle with a ring on your index finger nervously.

“Ah, I see… I don’t suppose you believe in love at first sight? Or soulmates?”

You run your tongue against the inside of your cheek, still unsure what sort of answer they’re looking for. It feels like a test but Neil’s voice and expression give nothing away. Either way, you must have taken too long to answer because he clears his throat and rearranges the papers on the table in front of him, his assistant writing something in red ink across your résumé.

“That’ll be enough, then. Thank you for your time.”

Maybe today just isn’t your day, you think grimly, gathering your things. The ring that sits on your finger catches the overhead light, shine momentarily blinding you. When will you be able to fulfill your end of the promise? Perhaps childhood promises are meant to stay in the past. You’re not sure why you stubbornly hold onto such words, anyway.

The fight that usually lights up within you deflates. Most days, you’re optimistic, but today for some reason, things just haven’t gone your way. Ever since the damned coffee cup this morning, things have only been going downhill. Of course, it’s not fair to blame everything on what was evidently an accident, but it’s easier that way.

“On a scale from one to ten, how bad did it go?” Tina asks, pouring you a generous shot of vodka. Since you don’t own any shot glasses, you have to pry the bottle out of her hand because any more and you would think she wants you dead. “One being they occasionally zoned out during your monologue…”

She scratches her chin, trying to recall the worst audition story. “Ten being told you’re too ugly to read for the part. Although I have heard some disturbing ass stories that are definitely a fifteen or higher. You know Drew Barrymore? Heard she was asked to give herself the finger during an audition.”

“What?” you splutter, frown marring your features.

“Dunno, it was supposed to be a sexy scene but there was no one to read with her, so she had to act it out herself. Pretty w-weird. So she sucked her own finger while she acted out the blowjob. Or maybe I’m not remembering this correctly?” Her words are slightly slurred together, shoulders raising up into a shrug.

“Um,” you choke out, after knocking back your drink in one gulp. “Okay, well, it didn’t get weird. I thought it was going well but he cut me off before I finished and then asked me questions. I guess I kind of blanked out? I didn’t know what to say, so he must have ended up thinking I’m too daft.”

“Isn’t your character supposed to be a little empty up there?” she points at her head, one manicured finger only slightly missing her eyeball.

You’re not sure she notices the look you shoot her way, but if she does, she promptly ignores it in favor of reaching for the vodka bottle.

“Slow down or you’ll puke all over the carpet. Do you really want to add to our stain collection?”

She huffs, pouting pathetically up at you.

“Spoilsport. Fine, let’s get drunk at a bar instead.” You’re convinced pretty easily because anything seems like a better alternative to spending the night cleaning up your friend’s vomit.

You almost regret your decision because grungy bars aren’t your thing. Empty plastic cups litter the ground and faded graffiti paints the walls in squiggly streaks, and, yeah—grungy bars are definitely not your type of scene.

It’s nearing the one o’clock mark and you repress the urge to (kindly) throttle Tina and her group of friends who have dragged you along with them. Instead of sitting on your couch re-watching one of your favorite movies, you find yourself squirming your way through a crowd of sweaty bodies, balancing four cups in your hands and doing your best to prevent the cheap beer from spilling.

An elbow juts out, bony angle jabbing your side, and some of the froth overflows in splatters, coating your fingers in its stickiness. You mutter out a curse that gets lost, drowned out by an off-key acappella rendition of a Britney anthem, while you’re left to salvage the damage. There is a pause for breath onstage, and someone yells “Take the mic away from him!” in the background. Suddenly, it is chaos. Everyone howls out their own two-cents and the performer onstage redoubles his efforts in his attempts to drown out the noise with his song.

For a reason you can’t quite understand, this place seems to be a hot spot for all the young, neighborhood artists; you spot a pair of guys in matching hoodies from the local film university at the bar, trying to pitch their idea to anyone drunk or interested enough to listen.

The cause of its unexpected success seems to be the open mic night event that is hosted once every week. Apparently, talent scouts are known to scour this area from time to time, and the promise of a success story attracts all the young and struggling artists, desperate to make it big. One of your friends has been raving about it for a little over a month, and even you’ve been curious as to see what it looks like. Your expectations fall short, but you won’t let that deter you from having fun.

Well, fun isn’t easily found.

Tonight happens to be open mic night, which means you’ve already had to sit through half an hour of drunken poetry. You’re all for the creation of art through self-expression, but, well…. The intoxicated ramblings are amusing at best (the highlight so far being a short skit involving a plastic hammer and a beach ball) but the night’s entertainment is as gripping as a B-rate movie.

You let out a plaintive sigh, swirling the ice cubes in your cup with your straw, zoning out yet again when the next participant shuffles onto the small makeshift stage. You ready yourself for another five minutes of nonsensical babble, but instead you do a double-take as your gaze falls upon the man adjusting the mic stand, his shaggy hair partly obscuring his face from view.

Instinctively, your blood runs hot—something ugly rears its head as soon as you recognize the same face you’ve been cursing since your failed audition.

You gnaw your straw, working your jaw until it becomes just another useless piece of plastic.

Although you’re not yet familiar with his name, you can’t forget the ugly lines of his face and the cold, dead look in his eyes. You don’t know why you thought he looked slightly attractive this morning because looking at him now only makes your lip curl in disgust. Why is his skin glowing? You’re convinced he must have dabbled glitter over his body to achieve such an effect. Who does he think he is, anyway? Kesha? Edward the vampire?

A nameless stranger—that is all he is to you at this point. And yet somehow he is also more than that.

Hate is a strong word. But as your attention focuses solely on his face, highlighted by the harsh glare of a spotlight, something within you boils to a tipping point.

A hush falls over the packed room as he clears his throat into the mic. Something about the sound bounces off the walls, makes several heads turn, snapping them out of their drunken stupor. As much as you want to tear your gaze from his figure, something about his presence on stage commands your attention. Unbeknownst to you, your breath is caught in your throat—anticipating his performance.

When he finally speaks, you can’t keep the astonished expression off your face. You’re not sure what you expect from him—maybe a dispassionate monologue on the benefits of caffeine or perhaps intoxicated words slurred together—but not this.

Impassioned dialogue falls from his lips, his face scrunched up. Words become bullets he fires into the crowd, his tongue twisting each of them with precision. You don’t know much about rap—only the try-hard images you see on television—but this is nowhere close to that. He quickly creates a story, raw emotion building with each stride he takes across the stage, and you’re unwillingly sucked into it.

“There!” Tina nudges, voice somehow catching your attention. You fight hard to detach your gaze from the stage. It takes a moment to orient yourself, still reeling from the performance that’s still going on, but your stare finally falls on the man your friend is pointing at, huddled in one of the corners of the room, nursing a half empty cup of amber liquid.

“That’s him! The guy from The Agency. He’s the one who comes here sometimes. I swear he was sleeping earlier but look! Whoa, this guy must be good to have gotten his atten—”

You tune her out, the anger that had simmered down now back in full force. Your day has officially gone to shit if the same guy from this morning is now being recruited by one of the best agencies in the world. Nope, this can’t be happening—you refuse to accept this as your reality. The many shots of alcohol blur your better judgement and you lick your lips in preparation for fucking war.

Slamming your cup down on the table with more fervor than needed, you rise to your feet, a single thought coursing through your mind.

Over my dead body, asshat.

#for my sunshine child #!!#bangtanwriters-net #kkreationsnet #kwriterskollection #bts scenarios #yoongi scenarios #taehyung scenarios #bts angst #kpop scenarios #yoongi #taehyung #also s/o to my sister who yelled at me to finish this :")

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