#this makes no sense but i promise it does actually

[synvil]

can’t swim // rafe cameron

a / n : rafe cameron thoughts. btw this was actually an anonymous ask i sent to a writer, i don’t know if she’ll write it but im sure if she does, it’ll turn out amazing. @rafeysbunny i’m 🧋 anon, hehe.

fun fact, i cannot swim.

synopsis : in which, rafe overhears that you can’t swim and during a party out on the docks, some of the kooks push you into the ocean to loosen you up.

warnings : reader can’t swim. kelce being an ass, peer pressure, etc.

“are you serious, [Name]?”

The raised tone of her voice causes you to shush her as you tuck a strand of your hair behind your ear and purse your lips faintly. “Not so loud, sare..” You let out a small breath and frown, leaning back against the headboard of her bed.

Sarah nods in understanding, lowering her tone as she sighs softly and crosses her legs on the bed in front of you. “That’s crazy- i mean, everyone here in Outer Banks are either surfers or decent swimmers.”

“Except me..” You trail off, shutting your eyes as you bring your hands up to your face. “It’s pretty humiliating, you know.. Seeing everyone in their swimsuits and able to swim in the ocean or go surfing, without the fear of drowning.”

“Wow, no wonder you wouldn’t ever go into the pool or go swimming with us during the boat parties on the dock..”

Unbeknownst to you two, Sarah’s door was open and a passing Rafe Cameron was on his way downstairs when he overhears your conversation.

“It’s not like I haven’t tried, but each time, I feel my body sinking and it terrifies me. Plus, y’know, with the whole nearly drowning as a kid trauma and shit.” you force a laugh while Sarah shares a bittersweet smile.

“It’s alright, stay by me tonight and I’ll keep an eye out for you.”

“Thanks, Sarah, I appreciate it.. and you can’t tell anyone either, okay, especially not Rafe.” You warn pleadingly and she chuckles and nods. “wait, why specifically him?”

You feel your cheeks warm at her question as you turn away. “Your brother just seems like the type to make fun of me for it, and besides, it’s just embarrassing to have a guy i think is hot, to know that about me.”

Sarah scrunches her nose and shudders. “I think your crush on my brother is more embarrassing than you being unable to swim.” she teases and you playfully push her away from you as she breaks into a laugh.

Rafe peeks into the room and thinks for a moment as his eyes examine and take in your form. He has already known long ago of your developed crush on him, and to say he has a mutual infatuation with you may be an understatement.

Every time you come over, Rafe finds every excuse to be in the house, sometimes even in the same room, just to get a look at you.

The way you tuck your hair behind your ear when you feel shy, the way your eyes light up when you laugh, everything entices him, intrigues him. You were just so perfect.

Rafe quickly pulls away when he hears movement and leans against the wall beside the doorframe for a moment.

Despite being a little surprised at the newfound information, it brought a little smile to his face. You can’t swim? How cute.

“Come on, we should get ready for Topper’s party tonight.” Sarah says and you sigh softly, but get up anyways with her as she heads over to her closet. “It’ll be fun, come on.”

Rafe lingers for a second longer as he imagines what you’ll be wearing before taking his leave downstairs.

It’s around ten at night when the two of you arrive at the docks, the night sky surrounding the area with only the lights of Topper’s large boat illuminating the place.

“I don’t know, maybe i shouldn’t be here..” You go to turn around but Sarah stops you, pulling you to her side. “Come on, it’ll be okay, i promise. Besides, you look super cute, so flaunt it, okay?” She winks and you huff a breath before following after her.

The closer you get, the louder the partygoers become and the music blasting is enough to stimulate the senses.

Once you get on board, Sarah is engulfed by her friends, while you remain on the sideline with a weak smile and awkwardly hugging your arms. Despite being a kook, you weren’t among the popular ones but that wasn’t enough to get you on their bad side at least.

You rub your arms, the thin fabric of your cardigan doing nothing but add to Sarah’s fashion sense of your outfit tonight. In her baby blue, cropped cardigan, a matching spaghetti strapped solid colored tank and dark washed, high waisted denim shorts.

You help yourself to the bar, grabbing a red solo cup and letting the bartender fill the plastic cup with some beer before bringing it to your lips, hoping it would do some good to alleviate some anxiety, while you keep an eye on Sarah from nearby, who’s talking with her friends.

The scene brings a smile to your lips when you recall her saying she would keep an eye on you earlier in the day but you were happy to see her enjoy herself.

However, you didn’t get to enjoy much time alone as Topper and his friends make his way over to you.

“Hey, [Name]. All alone again?” Kelce smirks and you merely offer a small smile in return. “Not much of a party kinda girl.. but it’s nice.” you mention the last part to Topper who dismisses you, understanding you meant no offense.

“Where’s Sarah?” Topper asks, looking around the area and you gesture over a little ways nearby.

“She’s talking with some friends.” You reply, tapping my fingers against my cup as you shift your footing, feeling the anxiety come back, causing you to take another sip of your drink.

You let your eyes wander around the group, briefly catching Rafe’s, who let his eyes trail up and down your form for a moment, taking in your appearance. The way the baby blue color popped against your skin, the way your hair was styled for tonight’s party. Even the way you shyly held your cup to your chest, fingers still tapping against the sides.

Feeling your cheeks warm from Rafe’s intense gaze, you turn away and look back to Kelce.

Kelce and some of the other guys step closer and you give a small smile to them. “Is there something I can help you with?”

“Come on, [Name]. We notice you always come to these parties but you don’t do anything,” Kelce mentions and you force a chuckle. “I’m an observer.” but some of the other guys don’t take that answer. “All we’re saying is, you should loosen up a little. Come on, some of the girls are taking dives off the tail, you should join.”

Your eyes widen slightly and you wave off the idea. “No, i think im good tonight, im actually pretty tired..” You say and Kelce scoffs lightly as his hand goes down to grab your wrist. “Don’t be a buzzkill, [Name], the water will wake you right up.”

“Kelce, i’m not really in the mood to-“ Rafe places a hand on Kelce’s shoulder, stopping him. “Let go, dude, let’s just leave her alone.” But Kelce doesn’t listen as he drags you along to where the other girls are, and the commotion causes all the partygoers to look over, Sarah looking your way.

Your eyes meet Rafe’s and he notices a look of fear and anxiety in them as Kelce brings you over and you try to pull away, the other guys surrounding you all, cheering Kelce and You.

“Yeah!”

“Come on, loosen up, girly.”

“Kelce, I really don’t—“ Despite your futile attempts, Kelce just takes the cup from your hands while Sarah pushes her way through the crowd. “Hey, Kelce, leave her alone!”

Rafe purses his lips and pulls Kelce away. “Hey, seriously, that’s enough.” He warns, pushing Kelce back, who just furrows his brows and scoffs. “What the hell? Why are you getting in the way, man?”

Sarah manages to get to your side, standing over you protectively. But the other girls now get in the way.

“Come on, Sarah, let [Name] do it.”

“it’s not scary.”

You shake your head again, as the girls pull Sarah away, leaving you alone with the kook surrounding you.

Rafe is pushing Kelce away, who’s confused and pushing Rafe back in retaliation. Meanwhile this leaves the other Kooks to act freely and the guys seem to share the same idea and go over to your body.

“Hey, hold on—“

But it’s too late, as the guys pick you up with ease and toss you overboard, a wave of laughter and cheers erupting from them.

“[Name]!” Sarah shouts from the girls hold and Rafe widens his eyes as he whirls around at the sound of your scream and a splash from the impact.

“Shit-“ Rafe curses as he roughly shoves Kelce into Topper as he rips off his shirt before taking a leap off the deck and into the water with you.

You flail, panic surging into you as you begin to hyperventilate. “S-Sa-Sarah—!”

“What the hell?!” Kelce scoffs with furrowed brows while Sarah feels tears brimming her eyes. “[Name] can’t swim!” she cries out as she rips away from the girls and shoves two of the guys out of her way before leaning over the railing. “[Name]!”

Topper’s, Kelce’s and the other kooks’ eyes widen in shock at the revelation. “What?”

They all rush over the rail to peer into the ocean as Rafe is diving under to find you.

Rafe manages to find your sinking body, grabbing you by the waist and pulling you up to the surface, your body already unconscious due to the lack of air and your panic flailing.

“[Name], [Name], are you okay?” He gasps as he reaches the surface and uses a hand to caress your cheek while the other props you up under your back. “No, no, come on, [Name], wake up.”

Sarah rushes around down the boat and on the boardwalk and leans down. “Rafe, Rafe! Come on, bring her over here!”

Rafe clenches his jaw when you still don’t respond and swims his way over towards Sarah as quickly as he can, panting before lifting your body up, Sarah doing her best to help you onto the wooden docks, laying you flat on your back.

“[Name], please! please wake up!” Sarah cries as she jostles you, Rafe climbing onto the dock next to her and looking down at you. She begins doing chest compressions, tears streaming down her cheeks faster. By this time, everyone on the boat is out on the boardwalk surrounding you body on the ground.

Rafe stands up straight, his clothes soaking and dripping but he doesn’t pay it any mind as he tries to catch his breath, staring down at his sister trying to wake you.

He contemplated for just a minuscule of a second, about beating the shit out of Kelce, but he prioritized your wellbeing first.

“Rafe- she’s not waking up.”

Sarah inhales sharply, trying not to think the worst and her older brother kneels down, pinching your nose closed before bringing his lips down to yours.

The kooks are whispering amongst each other, surprised by Rafe’s sudden leadership actions.

Rafe pulls away, continuing Sarah’s chest compressions before going back to pressing his lips against yours, providing CPR.

Please, not like this. wake up, wake up for me, [Name].

Suddenly a choked noise erupts from your lips as you turn to your side and spew out bits of water. Your throat becomes sore as you cough roughly.

Sarah immediately breaks into a smile, a gasp of relief coming from her and Rafe pulls back, a sigh coming from him. “H-Hey, take it easy, you’re alright..”

You look around, feeling dizzy and nauseous as you spit up the last of the water you nearly drowned in, as Sarah pulls you to her chest, engulfing you in a tight hug. “[Name], i’m so glad you’re okay!”

Meanwhile, Rafe stands upright, looking up at the sky, trying to relax his rapidly beating heart, as he takes slow steps to turn around.

“H-Hey, look, I didn’t know-“

Kelce, already knowing what was coming, raises his hands in defense as he backs up.

However, Rafe doesn’t hesitate his fist swinging into Kelce’s cheek, succeeding in knocking him down. “You son of a bitch!”

Rafe clenches his jaw tight as he looks to the other kooks. “Party is fucking over, get the fuck away!”

Topper tries to talk some sense into Rafe but Rafe shoves him. “You hear me? I said get away! go fucking home, now!”

Everyone is stunned into silence as they share looks, before quickly scrambling away and off the dock, not wanting to argue with the Kook King.

Sarah sniffles as she pulls away and looks up at Rafe, who kneels down and tucks an arm under your legs and the other under your back, before lifting you up carefully, bridal style.

“R-Rafe?…” Your hoarse voice calls out, hands pressed to his firm chest but Rafe hushes you. “Shh.. it’s alright, just get some rest.. you’ll be fine.”

Sarah watches her brother carry you towards his truck, wiping her tears as she follows after them, exhaling gently.

Tears brim your eyes as your chest swells with warmth, despite your freezing body.

You stare up at Rafe weakly, feeling your chest grow weak as your eyes flutter close and you press your head into his chest more. “Thank you.. Rafe.. You saved me..”

Rafe’s hold on you tightens, securing you in his arms.

“..I’m so glad you’re okay… i’m so sorry..”

a/n: welp, this could’ve been sooo much better but i rushed this at work hehe. outerbanks is playing on the tv at work so i thought id get a little smth out :3 this is sooo bad though 😭

not proofread or edited. i’ll go back and edit some other time.

synvil™️.

[mohntilyet]

my initial knee jerk reaction to lucanis/spite saying "family, enemies, contracts" was bad because it felt like an oversimplification but actually thinking on it i really love that lucanis forces himself into this box to make things make sense in his life. family is unconditional, enemies are to be killed, but contracts is so. interesting... man who promises mila that he will find her father because he does not fail contracts. the same man who tells effe that he will kill her slaver because he needs to turn her from a poor young woman that he sympathises with, into someone he can make a deal with. it's not kindness, it's not weakness, he's just fulfilling a contract, and crows don't break contracts. if he kills a bunch of racist blood mages during that process, then he's not breaking the rules, just bending them. a very convenient excuse to be a good man while still being a crow and assassin. and of course when spite is forced into him, he gets out of it with something familiar! by making another deal! something he could work with, something he HAS to work with, because being just an abomination is unthinkable. if he can work himself out of this problem like he's done with every other contract in his life, in his mind maybe there's some tiny chance that this becomes another job that he can claw his life back from.

[falsemilkbun]

Mithrun & Drives & Self-harm

Warning's in the title, let's rock and roll.

So there's a super-circulated extra about Mithrun's recovery after having been rescued from his conquered dungeon.

And I don't know how widely known it is that this image is cropped, or that it contains something I consider pretty essential to his character.

The top two thirds of the page are upsetting in a suggestive way. The final third is very explicit.

I understand the impulse to remove the explicit imagery of self harm from something you scatter around God's internet where it could upset literally anyone. At the same time, I think something's lost when you can't contrast 'He spent most of his days lying down, either sleeping or awake,' with the visceral imagery of him struggling to get out of that position, into which he has been strapped. It's less affecting if your initial impression (that he is totally passive) is not subverted.

Without this, it's too easy to assume that his aversion to things like mirrors and birds is due a vague Upset it might cause him, and that keeping sharp things and fire from him is due to an absence of self preservational drive.

But it's not like that. These are precautions undertaken because he has drives.

How much of that lying down is due to being passive, and how much is compulsory? How much time did he spend restrained, since this was a known problem? The restraints themselves harm him, which is kind of inevitable considering how determined he is to escape.

To me, this does point to him actually having agency and motivation. It's not motivation to do anything positive, but it's present.

And it makes sense, right, that he'd be motivated to self destruction when it turns out his quest has been (unbeknownst even to himself) to be completely consumed by the Demon?

Something that feels important about Mithrun, to me, is that he doesn't fucking like himself, and I don't think he ever did.

He's judgmental of his past self despite not ever confessing to being, you know, cruel to anyone. His issue is with his internality, which was an insecure and petty one. Externally, other characters did not perceive him that way. Milsiril doesn't dislike him because he's cruel or because she can tell he's only pretending to like people, she hated him because he was well-liked while she struggled to make any friends at all. I don't think he'd be so well-liked, or basically intimidate Milsiril with his bubbliness, if he was an outwardly nasty person.

It's important to me to point out Milsiril's perspective, because it confirms what's said in Kabru's truncated version of events: Mithrun was well-liked, and people's perception of him was positive. He was not behaving in a way that would drive others away.

He just can't be close to people, not genuinely. He's nice for the same reason he's always finding reasons to look down on others, for the same reasons he can't resist the Demon's offer, for the same reason he hurts himself. He does not like the person he is, whatever that person does, and he is convinced that no one else could truly like that person either.

I have another equally disjointed post in me about the parallels between the Demon and actual dynamics of abusive relationships, but key to this one is the fact that Mithrun's vulnerabilities - that he has learned love is conditional, that he cannot bring himself to interface with people genuinely, that he has been discarded by a family whose care for him was ultimately superficial, that he does not see himself as good or worthwhile - make his admission of having felt loved by the Demon super heartbreaking. Considering what it offered him, I suspect the hole left in his heart was exceptionally large.

It might feel easy to brush off Mithrun's behavior in the early days of his recuperation as simply erratic, but I see it as very purposeful and very much inkeeping with his character. He had a love that he could convince himself came without conditions, that promised an emotional security that he could allow himself to rely on, and it was withdrawn from him in a way that is undeniably violent and violating.

I don't look at the image of him hurting himself and see someone acting erratically because their mind has been magically broken. I see someone in an understandable, mundane kind of complete despair.

On that same note, I see his later dedication to returning to service as a simple redirection of the original self destructive drive. Mithrun doesn't even consciously understand this about himself, he labels this desire as anger and vengeance when it's really the exact same drive he's had all along: to either be loved or not be at all.

...

happy holidays? i don't have a button for this.

[starrycassi]

VERY old and uncooked au I have where Viktor (and eventually jayce) end up working for Silco.

PART 1 - VIKTOR (childhood, adolescence, survival)

Singed actually takes the child in. Yeah I know Viktor technically HAS parents but we've never seen em in the show so I'm ignoring them

So Viktor now lives + works for singed. He gets over his morals real quick when faced with a fully equipped laboratory. He's a child, okay? He gets excited and is eventually groomed (I don't mean romantically, just like molded) by singed into agreeing + obeying all the things the older man tells him. Silco joins in on the part later and toys with his brain as best as he can

Singed uses him as a bargaining chip with Silco. An investment, if you will.

A bit of a "future promise" thing. Viktor actually agrees to this because he knows it's the best shot he's got. All the years living alongside Singed have made him into a more cynical/realistic person. He's 13 and already grumbles at "kids these days"

And Silco is an opportunistic man. He looks at this young, blooming genius and goes "yeah, why not? He is your problem, though. Have some money and make me a bomb"

Viktor also gets a pretty decent gun and shooting lessons. His aim is decent enough. He also hangs around sevika A LOT. He recognizes her as the strongest, safest individual if a fight breaks out and tells her ad much. She won't admit it but the praise feels good. She allows him to hover around and he helps her with small things like lighting hee cigarettes or refilling her flask. It's a symbiotic relationship where they both look at each other dead in the eye when someone is saying stupid shit.

So Viktor is like 15 and suddenly faced with even MORE power and recognition, even MORE fundings and accomodations.

This boy pours his life and time into making weapons. His dreams of being a scientist are slowly forgotten as both Singed and Silco effectively turn him into their perfect little genius.

They turn his desire to help against himself, telling him that the only way the under city will ever get better is if they go against piltover and win (which yeah I mean it kinda makes sense) and just general promises and such

Silco is genuinely surprised by how inventive the kid can be, and in return Viktor appreciates the man's offers and words for what it is: a trap he's wilfully walking in.

Silco does NOT feel any affection for the kid. At least not a lot more than he does for sevika or any other loyal worker. He is amused by his intelligence and somewhat entertained by his ideas. He seems Viktor as more of a small dog he's raising, expecting him to develop sharper and sharper fangs. He does care for Viktor in the "one of my youngest workers is more efficient and savvy than five of yours" way

Viktor doesn't feel any affection for Silco, either. He's a really down-to-earth kid, has lived in the fissures all his life and has been coached by singed into how to navigate the under city. He knows singed doesn't really trust the man and doesn't plan on doing so himself. He does love the opportunity he's given, but knows damn well that it's all done for a higher reason.

He does feel a connection with singed, though. It's mutual in a way. More of a mentor-mentee thing than any paternal/familiar relationship, but they're both satisfied with it. Singed respects Viktor and treats him as an equal, which also means he can a bit too harsh on what is essentially still a fragile teen.

They are protective of Viktor only in the way one is protective of their own gun

PART 2 - VIKTOR (last of his teen years, young adulthood, rage)

EVENTUALLY Viktor manages to worm his way into the academy (in the same way he did in canon) while hiding from Silco, Singed and Sevika, and is, instead, rejected. Heimerdinger is too weary of Viktor and his general attitude (for a good reason) and plans on having him interrogated. When he tries to get Viktor to walk alone into a room with him, Viktor panics and starts stuttering out explanations. He knows his position in the under city is conditional. Knows the leash that Silco has around him. The academy could be his safe haven and now he's losing it.

Heimerdinger does his best to try and calm him down, however, every word he says makes the situation worse. He's so clearly out of touch, promising things that could never be done.

Viktor is under a lot of pressure and just starts spiraling. Everything the yordle says makes things worse and worse. The commotion calls the school guards attention and Viktor gets almost thrown in jail, all while heimerdinger tries to tell the guards to let him go. Viktor eventually manages to sneak out but fucks his leg up even more in the process.

He returns "home" and, refusing to cry for such a thing, turns his sadness into bright, burning indignation. Silco might be an idiot, he realizes, but he's right about some things. He burns down the uniform after ripping it into shreds.

After all of this, he abandons any dream of ever getting out. Singed looks at him knowingly, tells him that sneaking around is a fine art he hasn't mastered yet, and leaves. Silco welcomes him back with a satisfied smile, and a "see, boy? I was right"

Silco isn't killing Viktor for his betrayal because he smells the heartbreak and KNOWS that this is the time to attack if he wants that boy to be on his side for the rest of his life. Sevika isn't even mad. Just kinda disappointed.

And it WORKS. Viktor is devastated and isolated, and Silco effectively positions himself as the only current logical option. Viktor knows that this is all a shit show but decides that there's nothing to lose by working for the biggest kingpin on the city

Years go by, Viktor becomes part of silco's inner gang. He develops what could be seen as a friendship with sevika. They drink together every so often, trash-talking the rest of the henchmen in hushed whispers in between assignments. She tries to give him life advice in cryptic ways. He kinda gets it. Most of the time.

He's also a bit of a slut. I mean he's young, hot, kinda part of Zaun's elite, smart... yeah he's getting around. This part is important I swear. No it's not I just want Viktor to get it on. He's constantly sneaking pretty boys in and out of wherever he's staying at that week (idk where the fuck sevika sleeps. Do silco's henchmen just sleep in his house??? Does he provide apartments?? I need to know)

People in the under city actually start *talking* to Viktor as he gets older, realizing that he's a bit less violent than the rest of silco's thugs. This is always weird to him but he endures it for the sake of staying on top of what's being said in the city.

He buys from benzo frequently, and Benzo tolerates him because once, very slowly and in a hushes tone, he heard Viktor tell Ekko to never work for anyone with a shark aquarium.

PART THREE - MEETING JAYCE.

He's in the very same shop when he meets jayce.

He goes "yeah I could get him to suck me off probably" and tries to approach

And then jayce pays in GOLD and DOESN'T HAGGLE

And he realizes that this idiot is a piltie. He also realizes that whatever the fuck he just bought could've been useful for him and silco will not like it if a PILTIE out of everyone takes them. He literally gets in between him and the door with absolutely no idea of what he's going to do (there is absolutely no way he's upping that payment sorry silco you are no match for the Kirammans)

There is no time and he defaults to "oh this is my bedroom" mode.

Cue him saying something like "I've never seen such a pretty face in this store. Are you from around here, darling?"

Ekko is gagging in the background.

They flirt yada yada I have the scene but it's too long to write here. U get the idea. I'd anyone wants to read that ask me but for now just use your imagination

Viktor offers Jayce to come back with him to his house. Ask this is happening the kids are staging the heist.

They make out a bit, Jayce tells Viktor all about his theory (which is arguably hotter for Viktor) and shows him his notes (because obviously he carries his journal with him)

Viktor is BLOWN AWAY by this. He gets all worked up. Never felt this horny before. They discuss for a while, and Viktor decides that THIS is something he can stand behind. Actual discoveries, not just drawing blueprints after blueprint of the same fucking thing

Really how many ways can one design a weapon in

Anyways

Viktor sort of mildly drugs jayce and steals three of the shiny orbs and then wakes Jayce up and tells him that this was delightful and such.

PART FOUR - Hey Silco Can We Adopt This Boy. For Science

The heist happens the very same way. Viktor hears about it, about the trial, and decides that all these years of work should get him some privileges

He has his very first actual fight with Silco and Singed about it, but they eventually and very reluctantly agreed to give him two bodyguards so he can go play prince and break jayce out of jail.

Silco knows that even a worm will turn. If Jayce does agree to work for them, then they get another good worker. If not, they can always kill him. He's never heard Viktor this adamant about someone before, and damn he's seen the boy walk around with some pretty faces. Maybe this Jayce fella truly is smart.

Viktor breaks jayce out do NOT ask me how #thepoweroflove or whatever. The henchmen get to punch enforcers so they're happy about it.

The "am I interrupting?" Scene happens. It's also too long so.

It takes Viktor a while to convince Jayce to, yk, betray his country and leave everything he's ever known behind, but Jayce was literally about to kill himself and Viktor is talking about change and help and people who actually need it (lies) and he looks so beautiful under the moonlight and he remembered him. So. Really what can one realistically do in this situation if not agree.

They rush back, Jayce leaves a hasty suicide note and says he will drown himself in the river, they break into heimerdinger's room via breaking down the fucking door, steal all the equipment they can carry (henchmen & co brought some bags okay??)

When Mel arrives they're gone. She calls for the guards to come but they're long gone (there might be a motorcycle involved. Cyclists Viktor... Yeah)

PART FIVE - JINX AND JAYCE

Viktor shows up and finds out that silco has adopted a child. Also Sevika doesn't have an arm. Also Vander is dead. So is Benzo. Which is a bummer.

Jayce hates everything that's going on around him buts this man is SUICIDAL he's just kinda going with the flow. Having him gives Viktor his backbone and morals back. Slowly. Ver slowly.

Hextech develops WAY slower. Like they're working in a drug den there's absolutely no way there's the same conditions. They're doing their best though.

Jayce Is actually really impressed by shimmer and how it can "help" people. He's gaslighting himself ATP and everyone else is enabling him.

Also eventually Silco also gives Viktor a laced brace that makes him mildly addicted to shimmer. Viktor is clever enough to realize what's going on but also experienced enough to know that refusal would be seen as an offense. He takes the brace on and off with his own prototypes. Sevika and him both know they're just digging themselves into a deeper hole.

Silco actually tries to kill jayce one because he was getting too fucking annoying, but Jinx steps in. He reminds him of claggor (in a way). She claims that they're both her friends and silco just seethes in silence.

They help raise her. Kinda.

I wrote all of this so I could successfully say that they have a tea party with jer

THEY LOVE LIL JINX OKAAY. Specially jayce. He takes all his emptiness and tries to fill it with love for her and Viktor, the only two people he feels are kind of honest to him

Also Jayce being jealous of the fact that Viktor got around, specially when he has the audacity to give powder boy's advice (sevika is a STONE TOP LESBIAN you can NOT tell me anything else) right in Jayce's face. Yeah. Miscommunication. Falling in love. Devotion and guilt. Feelings of owing. Hesitant kisses and never said words. YEEES. I know it's a bit tropey but I like it so. Yeah.

Also both Jayce and Vik have long hair. Jinx insisted they let it grow like hers. Jayce's actually reaches his shoulder plates/mid back while Viktor keeps it shoulder length, just long enough to tie it. I think. Still haven't decided since long hair Jayce is too hard to mentally picture but I know he would look GOOD

Yes this also means that Jayce and Vi meet even earlier. They take a look at each other as they both try to calm down jinx and Become Best Friends™

Caitlyn always has a heart attack because YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD. She, like Vi, goes "yeah silco is definitely keeping my sister/brother captive" and they're both like You Will Not Believe This.

Viktor doesn't join them in their adventures because he is Not jumping around the roofs. He uses a cane. Leave him alone jinx no he can't climb the stupid ass tower.

Jinx and Jayce become a sort of "ground control" thing. Jayce is BUFFED that man can stand his own in a fight. He's not as quick or flexible but he makes up for it in pure absolute brawn. They're not actually doing anything useful they're just entertaining Jinx every so often.

Idk guys this au is consuming my brain.

I have more ideas but this was way too long already

If u read this far u can actually ask for a small scene on the au or add an idea and I'll write it for u

[carriagelamp]

By and large I was very satisfied with my books from this month. Read some books that were Goofy As Fuck (affectionate) this month, as well as some excellent nonfiction

Beware of Chicken

I get to kick this month off by being a hater. I was really disappointed in this book. A friend completely loves the series and was convinced it was right up my alley, so I'd gotten it on really high recommendation. The concept is right up my alley (protagonist lives in a cultivation setting, decides he actually hates all the violence and fighting involved in cultivation and instead fucks off to become a farmer… however his rooster then becomes a cultivator in his stead, hilarity ensues!) but the execution… woof. This is the sort of parody that rubs me the wrong way, the sort that comes across as lazy and clumsy and too mean-spirited to be appealing. 

The main character is isekai’d (another trope I don’t love as a rule) and he is just… unpleasant. He is a very Standard OP Main Character where everything he does goes well and everyone loves and reveres him with no actual work put in. The way female characters are handled sucks. The only bits I really enjoyed was the rooster’s POV and even that began to feel repetitive pretty quickly. I did not finish this book, there are better options out there.

The Disabled Tyrant’s Beloved Pet Fish v1

Now, speaking of better books that lightly parody cultivation and isekai stories: tada! This series is ridiculous. It is very very very stupid. The writing is nothing to (hurr hurr) write home about. And I have definitely fallen in love with it, it’s good-hearted and silly in a way that feels perfect right now.

The main character, Li Yu, wakes up in a webnovel setting but rather than in the body of a character he is… a fish. The mission he’s given is to become the “tyrannical” fifth prince’s beloved pet and help him become a better person than he was in the canonical story. This whole book is some Saturday morning TV slapstick nonsense and it rocks. Li Yu is trying to be Very Sneaky And Cunning and fails it at every possible step. He is very obviously Not A Fish... however it just so happens that his new master knows so little about fish or pets that he’s just shrugging and going along with things. I’m very much looking forward to continuing the series.

Escape from Incel Island

I was in a independent book store and this was sitting out on a shelf. I was physically incapable of walking by this and not buying it. So here we are. This is the most deranged little novella you could possibly ask for, and I read it out loud with my girlfriend (while waiting in traffic) and later with my brother. It’s impossible not to laugh.

This story follows Manslaughter Jones, ruthless mercenary, and Dr Morrison who have been sent to the notorious Incel Island to retrieve lost government data. Along the way they team up with a group of Nice Guys, need to fight their way through dangerous forests and hordes of enemies while surrounded by a continual and extravagant spray of blood. What sort of people who were lured to an island prison with the promise of their very own woman upon arrival? You'll soon find out! This is obviously a parody of online incel culture and guns-blazing action movies, with just enough societal commentary to make it feel worth reading.

Honestly, if you want a book that jumps the shark from page one and is unapologetic about it, it's a very fun read. Highly recommend finding someone with a sense of humour to read it aloud with.

The God & the Flightless Messenger

A cute little manga that I was gifted. It’s set on a mountain where gods come and go, inhabiting the various peaks. They’re cared for by winged messengers, who tend to their needs and ensure they aren’t contaminated with chaos. Shin is a messenger whose wings never grew in properly, who can’t fly and doesn’t have a god to serve — until now. He’s sent down to the lowest mountain peak where a strange, new furball-of-a-god has appeared, one that seems to not just attract chaos to it but which seeks it out…

An Illustrated History of Urban Legends

A very chill nonfiction book about different aspects of urban legends, from ghost stories to cryptids to aliens. Written for a younger audience in mind, this is mainly just an introduction to the concept, but it’s well-written with a reasonably skeptical bend that points out conspiracy theories plainly. As an adult I found it worth reading just to enjoy the art that fills every page!

Old Wounds

This novel was… fine. Erin and Max, two trans teens, are determined to drive west to California, where they can attend college and live a more open life than they do in their small hometown. Things begin to go wrong though when they find themselves stranded in rural America, surrounded by not just small town bigots but potentially something much more deadly in the woods.

This is billed as a fairly classic “townsfolk sacrifice outsiders to the local monster” type of story, which I enjoy, but it fell short on the actual horror elements. There was no point where I was actually scared or worried for their well-being — it was fairly obvious that these two were safely shrouded in plot armour. However the story itself wasn’t bad. If you’re interested more in an interpersonal drama with a dash of light peril and horror elements on the side, you might enjoy this. If you want something that’s actually scary, try something else.

The Poison Squad

Absolutely phenomenal nonfiction, contender for my favourite book this month. This book delves into the history of the American FDA, and looks at the absolutely nightmarish landscape that existed when companies were allowed to put whatever the fuck they wanted into food completely indiscriminately and without telling anyone about it. All those people who want unpasteurized milk? Wanna know how they used to preserve it long enough to ship to the cities? Fill it with formaldehyde and some chalk powder to make it look white. Enjoy!! There was something very satisfying about watching such a dedicated fight for stricter regulations and consumer protection, mixed with just enough horror at what was being shoved into foods.

It has since been making me side-eye both a) food, and b) absolutely anything that tries to weaken governmental food regulations. Considering the political landscape, it really just makes this book all the more worth reading. On top of the fascinating topic, Deborah Blum has a very enjoyable, narrative writing style that makes it a very easy and enjoyable read (coming from me, who isn’t overly fond of nonfiction in general).

The Poisoner’s Handbook

After finishing Poison Squad I wanted to read more by Deborah Blum and found this. You can definitely see how Poison Squad grew out of the initial research that must have gone into The Poisoner’s Handbook. This nonfiction book is set during the Jazz Age, all around the time of Prohibition, and follows Charles Norris who becomes New York’s first appointed Chief Medical Examiner who pioneers the field of forensic medicine. He plays a pivotal roll in showing how rigorous scientific testing can be used to discern toxicity in humans, solve crimes, protect innocent people from wrongful accusations, and campaign for better safety regulations of poisonous substances. Not quite as well-written as Poison Squad imo, but a very compelling topic.

Sadako and the Thousand Paper Cranes

Read in honour of Rememberance Day. This is a book I vaguely remembered reading in elementary school, and decided to revisit. It’s just a tiny little chapter book, about a twenty minute read if even, but it hits hard. I remember sobbing as I read it as a kid, and I didn’t fare much better as an adult. It’s a fictionalized account of a real Japanese girl, Sadako, who was born just after the bomb was dropped on Hiroshima. It follows her eventual diagnosis with leukemia and the slow death that follows. A very powerful anti-war story, superb if you want to traumatize any young children in your life ♥

The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System v4

The final book of the Scum Villain Self-Saving System series, though the main story concluded in book 3. This book was entirely filled with additional “bonus stories” and honestly it’s just convinced me that more series should do this. There was something really fantastic about getting to neatly wrap up the series in book 3, but then still having some extra adventures, both pre-, mid-, and post-canon. Some of my favourites included the story that focused on side characters Shang Qinghua and Mobei-Jun and how their relationship evolved over the course of the series, some additional lore for my boy Zhuzhi-Lang, as well as a very amusing “de-age” story in which Luo Binghe finds himself in a child’s body though with all his usual memories and feelings. Shen Qingqiu has to deal with a pseudo-toddler who is capable of wholesale destruction — one who Is Not Happy about being mistaken for Shen Qingqiu’s child, and who wants people to stop propositioning this “single father” already, he is right here!!! These stories were mostly fun and silly with a few heart-wrenching ones mixed in for good measure.

The Swiss Family Robinson

A children’s classic that I’ve always meant to get around to. It was published in 1812??? I had no idea it was actually that old! Though man, once you start reading it You Can Tell...

For those who somehow don’t know the premise, The Swiss Family Robinson is about a (Swiss) family (named Robinson) who are shipwrecked near a deserted island. They then have to make their way to shore and figure out a way to survive. You see them meet all sorts of animals, scavenge for supplies, and build up a home on their island paradise.

Now, as far as it coming out in 1812… I can see why this would appeal to people at the time. It was a power-fantasy set during a time when sea exploration was The Hot Thing. There were all sorts of exotic animals! It tried to offer up what was probably New And Exciting Science! Unfortunately, from a 2024 lens, it is all completely insane and wrong. Kangaroos, buffalos, ostriches, jackals, elephants, vultures, anacondas… the entire world is condensed onto this singular island! Don’t even get started on the plantlife! And every single animal here is destined to be hunted and shot. We are very gun-happy in this book. 

My other main condemnation of the book (because let’s be honest, the science can be forgiven when the time period is taken into account) is that it is profoundly boring. There are no big problems. There is no difficulty. If a problem arises, it’s easily and perfectly solved by the father within the same paragraph. It makes for a slightly surreal reading experience and not one I'm eager to repeat. I've heard the Disney version at least includes pirates so I might try watching that, just so this boring as fuck colonialist narrative can get spiced up a little...

When Women Were Dragons

Hands down the best written book I’ve read this month which I was not expecting. I’ve seen this book’s name get bandied about, but always with pretty mixed reviews. Well, after finishing the book and diving into the goodreads comments to see what the heck people are going on about, I’ve concluded that the reading comprehension on this site is worse than I imagined.

So, from the top, let me make it abundantly clear: this is not a fantasy adventure. It will not read like a fantasy adventure. It is, arguably, not even fantasy! Despite the dragons! This book is 100% an example of pure, uncut magical realism and it has to be read allegorically. If you are reading this literally, I’m sorry but you are reading it wrong and I wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t enjoy it.

This story is set during the 1950s, in a time surrounding an event known as “The Mass Dragoning” when thousands of women suddenly, spontaneously, transformed into dragons and flew away. The story follows Alex Green who was a child during this event. Her aunt transformed. Her mother didn’t. Both of these things have profound impacts on Alex as she grows up, and a woman’s role in society, a woman’s anger, her joy, her desire are all questioned and explored. What does it mean for someone to stay, for someone to leave, and for someone to be left behind? What does the transition between first and second wave feminism look like? It is a heavy book but beautifully written and incredibly poignant. So many times I was left in speechless awe. This is really a masterpiece, and if you like dissecting literary works I can’t recommend it enough.

This Months Notable Absentee:

Whoops, I was doing Dracula Daily and completely forgot about it during the long slow section after the October whammy, so I did not end up finishing it on time.... 🫠 expect that on Decembers book round up!

[did-sm1-say-catfish]

dabi uses a flip phone. No, you wont be convincing me otherwise, and yes i will elaborate if you want.

[link7057]

Stupid little Moral Orel comic with Orel and Reverend Putty to express something

[starcurtain]

Every time I see another post or fic describing Argenti "saving Aventurine from the Nihility," the cranky lore-bird that lives inside the cage of my body cockatoo-screams in unbridled despair.

Who can I pay to remind the entire fandom overnight that the "Primordial Dreamscape" and the shadow of Nihility are not the same place?

The Aventurine Cornerstone protected Aventurine to the bitter end and saw him--in apparently barely coherent and very poor condition, admittedly--free of IX's shadow. We have no evidence at this point that Argenti ever encountered IX. All he says is that he discovered Aventurine in a sorry state and helped him out; zero mention of, you know, an entire other aeon.

We know from Acheron that to encounter IX is essentially impossible without contact with a Nihility emanator or falling into an existential despair so deep that you cannot return from it on your own, because IX does not gaze on anyone. While I don't think that Argenti is actually a very happy person, there's also absolutely no indication that he would abandon all his sense of purpose and meaning in pursuing Idrila to surrender to Nihility.

It is extremely likely if not already confirmed that Argenti did not rescue Aventurine from the Nihility; he rescued him from the Primordial Dreamscape (aka Dreamflux Reef and its surrounding Sea of Memoria).

Please, please, who can I pay to not have to see "Argenti was in the Nihility" anymore?

[luck-of-the-drawings]

[<==PREV PAGES] [NEXT PAGE==>(not out yet.wait a year.or maybe more.imagine.]

saw alot of comments on prev pages; saying 'i HATE that mean teacher! im gonna FIGHT HIM!!' & i LOVE the energy!! it WOULD be nice. to have that catharsis. but the story of young tidestrider is Not one of catharsis. it is a story of being so small and so special and sucking so bad.

[moonsnqil]

trying to explain to my best friend that while aftg is a mafia book, the mafia isn't even the most prevalent theme and how really it's a love story at it's core but not in a fairytale way rather in the way horror movies are love stories

[daydreamerwonderkid]

Tim centric fics are fucking wild to me because it's a constant teeter totter between "woobified Timmy who has never known love and would somebody just take care of this poor little boy who never did anything wrong" and "If someone so much as gently suggests he should take a nap, Tim will go completely feral and bite the hand off of literally anyone who lifts a finger to help him."

[hella1975]

a post about fic updates! so the fics im currently juggling are dog teeth, tams, and of course, taob. my original plan was to start posting the second installment of the dog teeth series by sometime in april, bc it's the fic im most into atm and i already have the first chapter done, i just want to bank another one or two because once i start posting it i want to KEEP posting it with regular updates, hopefully every 2 weeks like with kaiein. HOWEVER this will put my atla fics on a back burner. april is a good writing time for me (PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE) bc i have the entire month off from uni to prep for may exam season, and i always want to write when im procrastinating my degree. which is. it's own thing im sure i'll graduate it's fine i'm fine. so if i focus on dog teeth, neither tams nor taob will get focus until like. june. which is par for the course with taob but im NOT happy about doing with tams.

SO my thought process was i can either be normal about this and just accept it's literally my final year at uni and im trying to graduate and it doesn't matter if updates are slow on ANY fics, or i can do my usual and implement an insane deadline that i somehow always make by the skin of my teeth. can you guess what i went with?

and thus i present unto the crowd my tentative plan: have the next taob chapter done by middle of april (im aware this is quite hand-wavey but it gives me a month to work with, so in my head this means anything between april 10th-20th), have the next tams chapter done by the end of april, and dog teeth can follow.

[millaysmaeve]

i mean this as the nicest of the complements: this series feels like something it would have been made before 2017

[icewindandboringhorror]

I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently

[transvampireboyfriend]

There's discussion of ronance under the cut! so if that's not your thing maybe skip this and the next part :)

part 1 - part 2 - part 3 - part 4 - part 5 - part 6 - part 7 - part 8

The sunset finds Steve sitting on a log, methodically breaking apart graham crackers and chocolate bars on top of a cooler.

Jonathan and Argyle are rolling joints beside him, sitting on a separate log and making light conversation with him.

Eddie's building a fire in front of them, a few feet away, just out of earshot. Steve loses the thread of conversation every now and then because he keeps getting distracted by Eddie's arms.

Some crackers and chocolate bars are unevenly split too. It's Eddie's fault that they're all wonky.

The taller boy (he will not let Steve forget this) is splitting a few dry logs into smaller ones using the cabin's axe.

He found and donned some leather work gloves, his tattoos shift as his arms flex, there are flashes of armpit hair every couple of swings, and there's sweat slowly dripping down his forehead.

Steve's doing his absolute best not to stare but it's very difficult.

When Eddie swipes the sweat off his brow and strips the gloves to bring out his pocket knife, Steve gets a coughing fit that Argyle has to bring him out of by clapping his back.

"Whoa there man, are you okay?" Argyle asks him,

Steve just franticaly nods as Jonathan snickers beside them.

Just as Eddie settles down in a crouch and starts shaving wood off the sides of the smaller logs, the girls come back from their walk.

Nancy walks to Eddie, offers a handful of dry pinecones and sets about arranging the logs.

Jonathan and Argyle announce they need popcorn and go back to the cabin to make some.

Robin has something trapped inside her hands.

She walks towards Steve, stands behind him and leans down to place her arms around his neck. Her hands remain closed, so that whatever is between them is now right in front of Steve's face.

"Guess what I got" she says, leaning her chin on top of Steve's head.

"That better not be a skunk, Bobbie"

Robin giggles "Have your ever seen a skunk, dingus? My hands are tiny!"

"A baby skunk, then" Steve amends, tone whiny.

Robin snorts, "Shut up. Look,"

As she opens her hands a tiny light shines out of them. Steve gasps.

"Hi!" he says, waving his index finger at the firefly,

"His name's Harold," Robin supplies.

"What? That sucks" Steve accuses, trying to look up at her, but only jostling her head a bit.

Robin gasps, "It's a perfectly good name for a firefly!" she protests, digging her chin atop his head.

Steve ducks his head and half turns in her arms, gives her a look and then turns back.

"How are the wife and kids, Harold?" he asks the bug,

Robin doesn't miss a beat, "He's gay, Steve. You should know better",

Steve can't help but laugh loudly at that.

Robin rushes to close her hands back up,

"Stop! you're scaring him!" she accuses, though there's a smile on her face.

Steve sobers up and puts down the two cracker halves in his hands to pry Robin's hands open again,

"Harold, I sincerely apologize." he offers in a gravely tone.

The bug turns around in Robin's hands.

"I think that means I'm forgiven" Steve says, looking up at her.

Robin chuckles and gently places the bug on top of Steve's left knee, moving to sit beside him.

Steve smiles at Harold before looking at her from the side,

"You having fun?" Steve checks in,

Robin smiles at him, throws her right arm around him and leans her chin against his shoulder.

"I am!" she answers "How about you?" she asks in return, half hugging him.

Steve presses his cheek against her in appreciation, just for a moment before he answers,

"Yeah, I'm having fun too" he smiles,

"Good. I wasn't lying earlier, when I said that suits you" Robin points out, drawing back without letting go of him, to look up at Eddie's bandana still on his hair.

Steve feels his cheeks start to burn.

"Shutup." he mutters defensively "he's-" Steve turns to look at Eddie, who's now fanning the flames of the fire he started and fanning himself every couple of seconds, making the few strands of hair that fell from his bun flap about wildly.

Steve can't help the smile on his face.

"Great. He's just great" he says honestly, feeling a little in awe of just how much he really likes Eddie.

Robin lets go of him only to jab her elbow in his ribs,

"See!" she says "I knew you had to make a move!"

"You were right." Steve concedes, "Not that I'm- I just mean he didn't seem put-off or anything when I tried flirting a little,"

"Of course he didn't! Steve!!" she protests,

"I know. I know," Steve says, reminded of the many times they've discussed his insecurities.

He relays his conversation with Jonathan then, and she listens, pointing out that putting it all together definitely makes it clear why Eddie hadn't made a move yet, and how Steve definitely has a chance.

"Yeah. I hope so," Steve says,

Robin rolls her eyes at his cautiousness and watches Harold finally fly away. Her eyes fall on Nancy, across from them.

Steve moves his eyes away to finish breaking off the last couple of crackers from the bunch.

Steve can admit he felt a pang of jealousy the first time he noticed his best friend laughing too hard at something Nancy said, but he quickly realized he was jealous of Nancy, he was worried she'd take Robin from him. An irrational fear that he also went through with Eddie, when he and Robin got close.

Whatever attempt Steve made at reviving the spark between him and Nancy in the upside down, got flipped right side up as soon as they were out of that hellish time.

Which was fortunate, because Nancy was still in a relationship back then, and Steve actually didn't feel like trying to woo the girl that broke his heart years ago.

Not to mention, they were different people now.

And he could admit now that he had freaked out. He'd seen the prettiest boy he'd ever known smirking at him and calling him metal and Steve had felt himself fall violently, far quicker than he was ready to.

So he'd grabbed on to whatever solid ground he could find, and he didn't have much of that.

It was just stupid. They hadn't really talked about it but Nancy had dropped by Eddie's room at the hospital a couple of times, she'd seen how devastated Steve was and she was never dumb. Steve could see the realization on her and luckily, the relief too.

Slowyly but surely they've arrived back to a place where Steve is glad to have her in his life again. He wouldn't hesitate to have dinner with her any day now, and every one of their friends know what they have is purely friendship.

So when he noticed her half-flirting with Robin at their job again, Steve tried to communicate to her that same understanding and relief with the same look.

And Nancy seemed like she got it.

Steve's fairly certain she and Robin would be good together, he's told Robin as much, but she disagrees, denied that she was attracted to their friend at first, and now refuses to give them a shot.

When he looks back up Robin's still looking at her, her cheeks on the verge of a smile.

Steve, done with his task, wipes his hands on his jeans.

"Are you sure there's nothing there?" Steve asks softly, for maybe the fifth time since Robin and Nancy met.

Looking back at that time now, with his own feelings out of the way, Steve can see clear as day, that Robin was into her from the start.

Robin looks at him now, and her face falls into the same caught look it always does when this comes up. She sighs,

"Are you sure you wanna ask me that?" she counters

"Robbie!"

"Dingus!"

"I want you to be happy," Steve tries,

"Even if it means I make a move on your ex?" she asks, her voice bitter,

"She's my friend too, Robs!" he protests,

"She broke your heart, Steve,"

"Years ago! And-"

"Not that many," Robin interrupts,

"And!" Steve emphasizes, "We're different people now,"

"You were practically offering her six babies not a year and a half ago," Robin points out,

"And you and I both agreed that that was a little bit crazy of me and a clear lapse in my judgement." Steve reminds her, "She doesn't want that. And I don't want that with her. I don't want anything with her beyond friendship and you know it,"

Robin doesn't look convinced.

"I don't care what you say. It would be weird." she says,

"Not for me, if that's what you're implying," Steve tells her,

"You've said that about other things when you did mind!" Robin accuses,

"And you've called me out on it!" Steve counters, "And I'm working on not doing that anymore. And it's not what I'm doing now!"

"I'm not gonna put my happiness before yours," Robin tells him,

Steve turns to her fully, straddling the log between them,

"I'm not asking you to do that, Robbie. I'm asking you not to put MY happiness before yours." he says, "Not even!" he amends, "I'm asking you not to put my comfort before your happiness."

Robin grimaces.

"What if you do mind? Down the line?" she asks,

"You can't base your decisions on hypotheticals." Steve protests, growing impatient, "And especially not on hypotheticals about my feelings, Rob!"

"Don't be an asshole. You're important to me!" she protests,

Steve sighs.

He reaches out and takes one of Robins hands in his own.

"And you're just as important to me," he tells her, "but i don't need you to protect me Robin. I'm not made of glass." he looks into her eyes as he goes on, "Yeah, maybe I'll be uncomfortable at some point, but I've been uncomfortable before and I'll be uncomfortable in the future,"

"I don't wanna be the cause of that," Robin says quietly, squeezing Steve's heart.

She moves to stradle the log too, facing Steve.

Steve offers her a soft smile.

"I know." he says, rubbing her knuckles in an attempt to reassure her, "You wouldn't be. Even if I saw you and Nance happy together and it made me uncomfortable, it wouldn't be because you decided to be with her, or because you're happy with her, Robs. It would be because she's my ex and she broke my heart. That's not on you,"

Robin looks like she wants to say something else but then changes her mind.

"It would be weird," she insists half-heartedly.

Steve understands what she doesn't say,  that she wants him to let it go.

"Okay." He concedes, taking her other hand and lacing their fingers. "Fine then. I won't bring it up again. I just ask that you don't- Don't think of me as this, this responsibility, okay? I don't wanna be that, I wanna be your best friend." he says, tugging on her hands a bit.

"Idiot." She calls him with a hesitant smile, clearly still awkward with displays of affection.

Steve chuckles. She tugs his hands towards her,

"I love you" she says.

It's not lost on Steve how this requires effort from her. He brings their hands to his lips and kisses the back of her palms, one and then the other, making her giggle.

"And I love you," Steve tells her, he untangles their hands and returns to his previous position, reaching for the big bag of marshmallows sitting next to the cooler.

"Now help me roast these," he requests, opening the bag, "this is as far as I came when I was little"

"Oh, did you have a maid that roasted your marshmallows growing up?"

"I hate youuuuuuu" Steve complains, and throws a marshmallow at her head.

part 6

[marsixm]

🗿