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burkymakar · 3 years ago

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Hi my favorite athletic reader. If possible could you post anything important from Baughers new article on Gabe?

lol i feel so used. it's under the cut haha

Gabriel Landeskog rolled up to the Avalanche practice rink, a 19-year-old figuring he was heading into a meeting about the upcoming 2012-13 season. A potential lockout loomed, and he wondered if he and his teammates were about to get information on what would happen next.

But only one teammate was there when Landeskog got inside Family Sports Center in Centennial, Colo.: captain Milan Hejduk. Then-Colorado coach Joe Sacco was there, too. They wanted to speak to Landeskog privately.

At the time, Hejduk was entering his 14th season with Colorado. The veteran was the only player left from the Avalanche’s 2001 Stanley Cup team, and he knew his career was winding down. He was no longer a top forward on the team and didn’t feel it would be right to remain captain. Someone else needed to take the role, Landeskog remembers Hejduk telling him that day.

“And I think that person is you,” Hejduk said.

The young winger was caught off guard. He let out a stunned laugh. At the time, no permanent captain in league history had ever been named at so young an age. A tornado of emotions followed: shock, excitement and — naturally — nerves. He called his dad immediately after the conversation.

“You’ve got to this point being who you are,” Tony Landeskog told his son. “Don’t try to be somebody you’re not.”

That advice stuck with Landeskog, and from that day forward, his “C”-embroidered jersey has been a constant for the Avalanche. It was there through the promising years with Nathan MacKinnon, Ryan O’Reilly and Matt Duchene, and it was there when that core fell apart. It was there through the pain of rebuilding, and it was there as the Avalanche emerged as a league power.

Now, its era in Denver could be coming to a close.

For the first time in his NHL career, Landeskog is a pending unrestricted free agent. And after a decade in Denver, he doesn’t know what’s coming next.

“The uncertainty is something I’ve never dealt with,” Landeskog says. “I’ve always known that come September, October, I’m going to pull on that Avs jersey.”

Landeskog has repeatedly said he wants to stay with Colorado, and the Avalanche want to bring him back. But with star defenseman Cale Makar set to receive a massive raise in restricted free agency and the Avalanche up against the salary cap, general manager Joe Sakic is facing tough decisions this offseason.

Landeskog wants long-term security. Currently, he’s in limbo.

“I can’t help but be honest with you that I’m a little bit disappointed that it’s gotten this far and it’s had to come to this point,” Landeskog says.

Now 28, Landeskog could be looking at his last chance to sign a major, multiyear contract. The Avalanche, meanwhile, must decide how much they are willing to spend — and for how many years — on a physical, two-way forward approaching 30.

Teams must submit protection lists Saturday for the July 21 Kraken expansion draft, and if Colorado doesn’t protect Landeskog, Seattle will have a window to bargain with him before free agency begins July 28. Landeskog’s reputation as a leader and production (52 points in 54 games this past season and 171 in 181 over the past three) will make him a popular target should he reach the open market. Teams like the Kraken, Blues, Kings, Flyers and Oilers jump out as potential suitors.

Talks between the Avalanche and their captain have increased in frequency in recent days, but the sides are still far away from an agreement, according to a league source.

“We’ll see what happens,” Landeskog says. “I’m still hopeful that we can agree on something and come to terms, but if it was up to me, I would have liked it to be done eight months ago, 10 months ago.”

In the nine seasons since Hejduk handed over the captaincy, Landeskog has gone from a green-but-mature up-and-comer to the calming presence on an elite team. He’s now a parent, one of the older players on the Avalanche and their unquestioned leader.

“It’s been a constant learning curve,” he says.

He’s grown, and he’s growing. The question is if that will continue with the Avalanche.

One day during his first season as captain, Landeskog stood in the Family Sports dressing room for a players-only meeting, taking note of teammates in their 30s, veterans who had spent more than a decade in the NHL. In only his second season, Landeskog could hear his voice shake.

“It probably was pretty laughable how nervous I was,” he says.

The Avalanche were in the midst of a rough stretch in what amounted to a season of rough stretches. Landeskog leaned on older players — Hejduk, Jean-Sebastien Giguere, Paul Stastny, O’Reilly and Erik Johnson, to name a few — and one suggested a team meeting.

Landeskog doesn’t recall what he said that day, but he remembers the nerves — that quiver in his voice — and how the older players had his back. Others chimed in, and the team dissected what was going wrong.

Ultimately, the group was simply a transitioning team without enough talent to contend, and though Landeskog was captain that year, the team used a leadership-by-committee approach. Landeskog credits his teammates’ support for making the job easier, and Stastny remembers him being unafraid to ask questions.

Landeskog says he asked about everything from travel-day logistics to organizing team functions. The communication didn’t translate to on-ice success that year, as the team finished 16-25-7, but it laid the groundwork for how Landeskog still views his role as captain.

“That’s how leaders learn, too: They learn from other guys,” former teammate Greg Zanon says. “I think he was born for the job.”

Before giving Landeskog the “C,” Sacco and then-Avalanche general manager Greg Sherman both reached out to Hejduk, wanting to know what he’d think of the young Swede taking over the role. Landeskog, who had just won the Calder Trophy, hadn’t been a name on Hejduk’s radar for the captaincy because of his age, but the more he thought about the decision, the more it made sense.

So he voiced his approval for the player 17 years his junior.

“What can you say negative about Gabe?” Hejduk says today.

“It was only a matter of time,” Stastny adds. “If it was fast-tracked a year, I don’t think anyone really cared. Everyone knew it was coming.”

Still, Landeskog was nervous. He’d played in only 82 NHL games and was still trying to figure out the league himself. He didn’t know how his teammates would react to such a young captain. Part of him still thinks he might not have been ready.

Despite Landeskog’s concerns, the announcement went over well with the team. Duchene and winger David Jones tweeted their congratulations, and defenseman Ryan O’Byrne remembers liking the decision when he read the news on TSN’s website.

“The only conversations I had with teammates were, ‘Gabe’s the captain. That’s so great,’” O’Byrne remembers. “Why would we wait to give him the captaincy? There’s no reason to wait. He (was) ready. He’s just that type of person.”

“Even the older guys on the team looked up to him,” adds former Avalanche left winger Cody McLeod.

Landeskog’s makeup had begun earning praise from the second he arrived in North America from Sweden. He played major junior hockey for the Kitchener Rangers in the Ontario Hockey League and became the team’s first European-born captain. Sherman praised his confidence after drafting Landeskog second in 2011, saying he was mature beyond his years.

“It was like he was 30 years old already, the way he handled himself, the way he talked to us, talked to the media,” says Ryan O’Reilly, now the Blues captain and still a friend of Landeskog’s. “Everyone respected him right away. It’s rare. It’s why he was named captain so young.”

Adds Hejduk: “I had half the maturity Gabe had at 18.”

Shortly after learning he’d become captain, Landeskog came to the Pepsi Center (now Ball Arena) for a passing-of-the-torch ceremony. Hejduk presented his successor with a burgundy Avalanche sweater featuring a white “C,” and Landeskog pulled it over his white button-up shirt. The two shook hands and posed for cameras.

When Landeskog looks back at those pictures, he can’t help but notice how young he looks. His beard had yet to grow in, and he’d fashioned his hair — lighter than it is now — to be spiky in the front.

“I feel old when I look back at those pictures, because I was definitely a little kid standing there next to (Hejduk),” he says.

“The first year, year and a half, with him, if we went out for dinner, it was like he wasn’t even allowed to have a glass of wine or a beer,” says former Avalanche center John Mitchell, adding that Landeskog struggled to win poker games on team flights.

Landeskog, who has gone from too young to drink to now sponsored by Bud Light, believes he might have been too uptight early on in his captaincy. He’s learned to relax a bit more — that a season is long and sometimes the best approach is to focus on himself. He can’t expect others to work hard or play well if he’s not doing it himself.

The Avalanche’s decision to toss Landeskog into the fray as a teenage captain allowed him to learn the role before the team entered the win-now mode it is in currently. But Colorado’s progression hasn’t been linear. In 2016-17, the Avalanche finished last in the league by 21 points. Landeskog frequently had to face tough questions from reporters when he didn’t have answers.

“It definitely takes a toll on you when you have to do that,” he says. “But at the same time, I always knew that was part of the responsibility and part of the job. Playing in the NHL, being able to wear the ‘C’ in the NHL, it’s a dream not many people get to experience.”

And in 2017-18, tides began to shift for the Avalanche. MacKinnon had his first superstar-level season, finishing second in Hart Trophy voting, and Landeskog and winger Mikko Rantanen both scored more than 20 goals. The trio ascended to become arguably the best line in hockey, and smart drafting and savvy trades gave Colorado a deep defensive core, led by Makar, the Norris Trophy runner-up as a 22-year-old this past season.

As expectations have risen, the team and its captain are still searching for a deep playoff run. The pieces are in place, and the Avalanche reached the second round each of the past three seasons. But they haven’t broken through.

This past season, the Landeskog-captained Avalanche reached the regular-season pinnacle, winning the Presidents’ Trophy, given annually to the team with the best record in the league, and they were a consensus favorite to win the Stanley Cup entering the playoffs.

Landeskog dominated the Blues in a first-round sweep, igniting the Avalanche with a Gordie Howe hat trick (fight, assist, goal) in Game 1.

“He’s the captain for a reason,” Makar said after that game.

But Colorado faltered in its next postseason matchup, against Vegas, letting a 2-0 series lead slip away and losing in the second round for the third consecutive year. The most complete Avalanche team of Landeskog’s career couldn’t get over the hump.

“I’m proud of this group,” a dejected Landeskog said after the game. “I’m excited to be a part of this group. I love all the guys in there.”

And they love him, too. Ahead of the season, MacKinnon called him “the perfect captain,” and Avalanche coach Jared Bednar described the captain as their emotional leader, someone who drives them into the fight on a nightly basis.

“Usually those types of guys, top-three picks, are franchise players,” Hejduk says. “It seems like that’s the case with Gabe. I hope he’s going to finish his whole career with the Avalanche.”

That’s what Hejduk did, spending all 14 of his seasons with Colorado, but it’s not a common path in today’s NHL.

After 10 years with the Avalanche and nine as its captain, and with so much shared history, Landeskog could be the exception.

Since he was 19, it’s felt like he would be. But the coming weeks will show if that reality has shifted.

#askos #anon #the athletic #gabriel landeskog #colorado avalanche

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popculturebuffet · 4 years ago

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House of Mouse: The Stolen Cartoons Review (Patreon Review)

Hello all you happy people! It’s Patreon Review Time. Since my 5 dollar or higherr patreons get 1 review a month, Kevin my 10 dollar patreon is using one of his to celebrate the 20th anniversary of House of Mouse by having me review a random episode a month. And for this month we’re going all the way back to the start with The Stolen Cartoons!

I already introed house of mouse back when I reviewed “The Three Cablleros” episode but for a refresher: House of Mouse is a 2001 cartoon about Mickey and Co running a club. Mickey is host, Minnie plans the show and runs the books, Donald tends to the VIP”s and co owns the club with Mickey, Goofy is head waiter, Daisy runs guest services, Horace is technical support, Clarabelle is a gossip monger with no clear actual job, and Max is Valet. The show was used to repackage shorts from the short lived show Mickey mouseworks, using the club setting as a wraparound and said club was attentend by all the various characters from the disney canon. It’s as awesome as it sounds.

The voice cast, which I didn’t intro thorughly last time, was equally awesome with all the actors for the characters at the time, all legends in the industry. Wayne Allwine as Mickey,who played the character from the late 70′s to his death, Russi Taylor as Minnie and the Triplets, who did the same and was also married to wayne, Tony Anselmo, who should be thorughly familiar to readers of this blog and donald duck fans as his voice since Ducktales, Voice Actress Tress Macneile as Daisy, likewise, Jason Marsden as Max and Voice Acting Legend Jim Cummings as Pete. All except Allweine i’ve profieled before on this blog in various other series, but Wayne, outisde of a very minor role in black cauldron, only voiced Mickey, and to me is the defntiive voice for the guy, though Chris is getting close.

The other notable members of the cast i havent’ covered are April Winchell, who while tremendous, I will save for an episode Clarabelle is actually in more, and Bill Farmer. I have a great amount of Love for Bill and like everyone here, he was a vertran of the industry by the time he showed up in this series. His defining roll far and away is goofy, who was, to my delighted surprise his FIRST voice audition, having studided PInto Colving’s voice well to the point you can barely tell the difference between the two, and having inherited the roll around the same time as Russi and Tony. He’s the voice of Goofy I and most kids from the 80′s onward have grown up with and is the best at the roll by far, having chances for depth and nuance Pinto wasn’t allowed with the Goofy Movies and other works. IN general he’s just THE goofy to me. He’s also the voice of horace and pluto, and currently voices Hop Pop in Amphibia which is super noteworthy as looking at his filmography like a lot of the sensational 6′s va’s he’s only voiced goofy or Pluto for most of his career. But hey like Tony, if you only do one charcter might as well be the fucking best at it. He also has a show on Disney Plus with him and dogs I need to watch yesterday.

So with our cast out of the way, and not much history to go into, join me after the cut and we’ll see how House of Mouse got it’s start and if it was a good one.

Breaking from my usual format for House of Mouse and doing the shorts as they come up int he main story for two reasons: The first is that the shorts are integral to the plot and the second is that there’s way more main story this time around than usual, likely to properly set things up.

So we open at the House of Mouse with Mickey Adressing the club and showing off the general premise of this being a club for all of the various heroes and villains of disney to hang out and what not. He also presents the house rules which are no smoking (Fair and should’ve always been a thing), no villianous schemes and no eating the other guests, all helpfully demonstrated as he says them. We also get to see the others in action: Minnie handling the schedule and the crew, Donald welcoming the guests, and Daisy running the desk and getitng brainwashed by Jafar into giving him a table. Max also is providing his job as Valet which surprised me because I genuinely thought he didn’t join the cast till season 2.. despite the fact he’s right there in the credits.. which are the same for ALL THREE SEASONS.

So things are going well.. so naturally that’s when Pete shows up to try and ruin things. Look he’s having a hard time after the divorce.. several years ago. Okay maybe he’s always just been a dick and that’s why he’s divorced in the first place. Point is he naturally wants to shut the club down, boot them out, and wreck up the place like any natural cartoon villian or real estate scum bag landlord. Pete just happens to be both because he can multitask. .and because it’s basically the same thing you just have to be animated for one of them. Thankfully whoever the previous Landlord was, i’m going with Shere Kahn given the setting, his roll in tailspin and the fact the obvious candidate, scrooge, would make no sense here given a later episode where he guest stars, wrote into the contract that as long as the show goes on, they can stay in business. Pete stews over this and naturally plans to stop the show while Minnie, in a cute bit, comforts a nervous mickey and just tells him to play some cartoons. So...

Pluto Gets the Paper: Wet Cement and Donald’s Dynamite: Magic Act I”m covering both of these at once. But as I said the animated shorts this time are one big sized one and two of the shorter ones to make more room for the story. Which is fair: this is the first episode, and thus needs to set up the premise. The series isn’t story driven but your first episode should still feel like one, ease you into the world and get you situated and THEN can do the normal format. It’s also in the episode’s favor as the heavier story focus meant a BETTER story than most season 1 episodes, on par with the two season 3 episodes i’ve covered so far.

The shorts themselves are fine. So far this is the only Pluto Short i’ve liked as it has a neat enough gaga: Pluto has to get the paper in wet cement. Why did the paperboy throw it in wet cement instead of in the driveway, I dunno but given this short is well.. short and just meant to deliver on some quick gags, I’m not going to question it. It’s the first Pluto short i’ve covered without any dog sexual harassment, i’m not looking a gift dog in the mouth.

The other short short played right after is part of a series where Donald ends up trying to get rid of a round bomb that shows up wherever he is....

It’s pretty damn funny, though being a huge Donald fan i’m obviously biased, but even removing my donald duck brand sunglasses, I will concede this was objectively fun.

But the cartoons stop as, true to the title, they’ve gone missing! Horace is found tied up, the cartoons are gone and Pete is obviously responsible. and hilariously so as the rope has his name on it and he says “I don’t know horace horsecollar” There are a LOT of good gags in this one, i’m leaving a lot out for time’s sake.

So Mickey and Minnie come up with a plan: Mickey sends the.. Quackstreet Boys.... to stall. Now it may shock you but I actually LIKE the backstreet boys. Not to an extreme amount but I did grow up with them, and even now find their music pretty damn good. No my issue is this parody is weak, mostly running entirely on the title pun. The most I can give them credit for is using the outfits from their second album cover. No I wasn’t kidding I did grow up with them. You saw that everywhere so even if I didn’t enjoy their music then and now, i’d know it. But it just feels really weak, like they had no idea what to DO with the boys and instead just slapped them in a lame parody. It dosen’t help i’m not a fan of the classic version of the boys outside of the comics, as I feel later productions should’ve had them actually be distinct, and it took until 2017 to pull that off with the reboot, something I fear may be undone in future productions. Please.. don’t.. you can have Cristina Vee voice them all, I don’t care about the voice I just want to be able to tell them a apart. So yeah I don’t like it but it dosen’t drag the episode down. Just something I wanted to have a moan about.

So they split up: Mickey, Minnie and Goofy go to shoot a cartoon while Donald runs the club. Naturally he rebrands.. but what really is telling is everyone boos him when he tries to mc.. just for not being Mickey. While Donald does have a massive inferiority complex here, desperately wanting to one up mickey.. with moments like this it’s hard not to see why> He’s JUST as big a star, just as talented , maybe not as nice but just as likeable. He even co-owns the club. But ironically only Mickey Himself, and Daisy of Course, treat him like an equal. To everyone else it’s Mickey’s world and he’s just the sidekick. It’s no wonder he spend sthe entire show desperately trying to outdo mickey: he doesn’t hate the guy, even if he wouldn’t admit it.. but he just wants to be loved too. Sure it’s part ego.

Mickey does return though with the new cartoon. And our only sizeable one so.

Hickory Dickory Mickey: This is a REALLY good one with a simple enough premise; Goofy wants Mickey to take him to the airport at 6am tomorrow.. which Mickey balks at.

Seriously i’ve woken up at 3-4am to go to the airport or on road trips. Waking up at 5:30 is pretty standard. Goofy also has good reason to ask as he once BROKE MICKEY OUT OF JAIL. And as seen up top the flashback is done in black and white AND with their old models. I just.. love everything about this and it had to have taken extra effort to make new models for the old models and thus extra money for a quick joke. So kudos best part of the episode. But with his hands tied Mickey is forced to take him and Goofy leaves him his clock which won’t stop ticking. So we get just.. nonstop good gags as Mickey tries to sleep with standouts being his trying to drown it out only to get the tick station, the tock station on the radio and the clock channel on the tv. He also tries to mail it and naturally it comes back thanks to a kangaroo when he ships it to Australia..a nd then get’s progressively batshit as he mails it to HADES (comes back in a puff of smoke) and to the 1920′s (It comes back in black and white with arms and legs). It’s just.. really damn good and I suggest seeking it out. I have liked other shorts better but this was a good one.

Pete still gloats as they’ll need more cartoons.. only for one to fall out of his jacket and Mickey to shake the rest out. We then get a fun chase between the two, SO many good jokes, my favorite being him dressing up as a dalmation only for Cruella to take measurements, before being cornered by the three and the elephant from tarzan who throws him out.. right next to pepper-ann and her mom “Don’t touch the villian dear”. Good crossover.. and another show that like House of Mouse is not on disney plus don’t ask me why.

So our heroes win, we get our usual sponsorship and unusually we see the guests leave, a nice bit I wish they did more. All’s well that ends well.

Final Thoughts: This episode was fantastic. It introduces the cast well, sets up our villian, our basic premise and while only having one major cartoon, uses that as a plot point and it’s a damn good one. A fantastic start to the series and frankly the best place to start if your curious about the show. I’d like to thank Kev for sponsoring this review. If you’d like your own review you can look at comissoin details on my blog or get one guaranteed every month by becoming a 5 dollar patreon. You get one guaranteed review a month, acess to my discord server for my patreons, and to pick a short when I do birthday specials. And contributing to my patreon gets me closer to my stretch goals, even one dollar helps. Next goal not only gets reviews of the super ducktales mini series, but also a darkwing duck episode EVERY MONTH. And with the plug done, i’ll see you at the next rainbow.

#house of mouse #mickey mouse #donald duck #peg legged pete #pete pete #minnie mouse #bill farmer #daisy duck #2001 #horrace horsecollar #tarzan #pluto #max goof

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work-life-harmony · 3 years ago

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Harmony Journal/Blog Posts

9/8/21

“I Stress, Eustress, We All Stress”

It is two days past my 42nd birthday and the eve before the start of another school year. And I anticipate it is going to be a year like no other. There is a tremendous amount of uncertainty that I am feeling at the moment. Personally, I am in the thick of things trying to raise my twelve year-old daughter and blend ourselves with my fiancee and her two children. It has not been easy. My daughter has dealt with anxiety ever since she was little. Her mom passed away two months after her second birthday and it’s hard to know whether her personality has been shaped in part because of the void my wife’s passing created. Now that she is entering adolescence, a certain alchemy of anxiety, anger, and depression has yielded some chaos in our household.

That the pandemic happened to coincide with the time in her life where she is feeling the hardest is unfortunate. Did the lockdown and disruption to our lives exacerbate her feelings of anxiety and anger? It’s probably a safe bet that it did. So that has been a major area of concern and frustration for me.

On the professional side of things, although last year was difficult for many teachers, and I certainly had my frustrations, I was in a fairly good place mentally. There were some aspects to the school year that I actually found novel and enjoyed, such as the ability to sleep later, roll out of bed and teach from my kitchen table. Conversely, the new routine allowed me to develop some habits that were not healthy, including daily rituals such as making and drinking light and sweet coffee and having a serving or two of ice cream nightly between dinner and bed. Furthermore, I seemed to become a slave to my phone. Although I’ve had the willpower to delete apps such as Facebook off of my phone in the past, the last few years I became addicted to the news...and Instagram...and checking my email. One concerning consequence of the pandemic is that I’ve lost my concentration stamina. If I start something, particularly work related, it only takes a few minutes before I feel compelled to get up and do something else, even just for a half minute. Of course this breaks my rhythm of work and I’m unable to achieve any kind of flow. And, worse, sometimes I find that I mean to do something, such as check the weather, but when I open up a tab to do it, I have completely lost what I meant to do when I opened the tab. Scary!

With the start of the new school year, I intend to turn over a new leaf so to speak by approaching different aspects of my professional and personal life with an eye towards my well-being: physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. The forthcoming journal entries will chronicle the conscious changes that I am making in order to foster more harmony in my life and a stronger sense of well-being. Part of that will be my investment in activities that help me achieve a sense of flow, including but not limited to music, reading, and immersing myself in nature.

9/16/21

“Time In a Bottle”

As the school year has started, the typical looseness of my summer days has come to an abrupt end. However, there are some benefits to the structure of my school days. My body has started to adjust to my new routine, and although the school day seems to necessitate a routine, there are conscious choices that I’m making to build a healthy daily schedule. I am up at 5:30 on weekday mornings and in bed reading by 10 pm, a major shift from previous school years in which I would stay up until 11 or later watching television before hopping in bed to fall asleep. Although I’m still adjusting to this new routine (as the school year is still young), I am recognizing an easier relationship with waking up in the morning. As noted in the course, avoiding screens before bedtime contributes to a better sleep and I am finding that I am waking up more rested and ready to meet the day.

An interesting stressor at the start of the school year, before my body has fully adopted the new schedule, is my anxiety that I will somehow miss my morning alarm. I’m the first one in the house who is up in the morning, and no one is coming to wake me in time for my early day if my alarm fails me. Thus, the first week (or two) of the school year leave me sleeping lightly and somewhat anxiously. I continue to add measures into my routine, such as meditation and muscle relaxation practices to help ease my mind. Additionally, I have quieted my mind before falling asleep by acknowledging the things that I am grateful for. This will be touched upon in more depth in a forthcoming journal entry, but there is tremendous value in gratitude. Lori Santos, a renowned professor at Yale University who teaches the highly sought course “The Science of Well-Being,” acknowledged in an article for Newsweek Magazine, “Grateful people tend to be happier and show lower levels of stress hormones like cortisol. Health care workers who keep a gratitude journal show reductions in stress and depression. And people suffering from chronic pain who practice gratitude show improvements in both sleep quality and mood” (Santos). It has become an important strategy for me to ease the chronic stress and anxiety of life which gets exacerbated at the start of a new school year.

With each day, it does become easier to sleep peacefully and I suspect that soon my eyes will open a minute before my alarm rings. I am also pleased to report that rising before the sun comes up has been easier than in years past. Typically, trying to get out of bed in the dark has always been difficult and miserable. Of course, it may return to misery as winter sets in and leaving a warm bed is a shock to the system, but for now I am happy to report that the newly adopted schedule for this school year is working well.

On a more professional side of things, I have been working on my planning as it regards daily obligations. For instance, the adoption of daily to-do lists has helped me to stay better focused on items that need attention; efficient about tending to, and completing, those items; and avoid being frazzled like I have been in the past because the ideas bounce around my brain but have not been concrete since they aren’t visibly posted somewhere. The morning ritual of composing a daily to-do list has really been beneficial for me. An example of items that I’ve included on lists include: grade seven essays today, photocopy “Heroes” article, email Nina’s guidance counselor, drop two books in Mari’s mailbox, hit the supermarket with grocery list, and call the car dealership. Furthermore, I’ve been diligent about staying on top of the “house calendar” to not only make sure that all family events are noted on the calendar, but also to consult the calendar every day as part of my daily routine to see what obligations members of the household have that day and in the near future. This is an indispensable part of our lives and internal harmony. For instance, my daughter’s “picture day” is tomorrow. Since it is listed on the calendar, we can save ourselves stress and frustration by potentially being caught off guard that pictures are being taken tomorrow. Heaven forbid my daughter arrive at school with no inkling that it is picture day, likely exacerbating her stress/anxiety because she feels unprepared. These measures have been part of my process for winning back time and peace of mind.

With that in mind, it is going to be a school long objective to work on organization skills with my students. In particular, I have two sections of remedial sophomore English classes. A good percentage of these students have IEPS or other individualized plans to help them be successful in their high school classes. It is not uncommon to see a personalized modification that revolves around breaking down big concepts and keeping them on task. For this reason, we’ve established a routine of taking out binders/notebooks at the start of every class period. They need reminders, but it is with the purpose of establishing healthy and productive habits that they can carry with them for a lifetime.

9-19-21

“Love May Know No Bounds, But a Teacher Better Set Some”

The financial wizard Warren Buffet has been quoted, “The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything." While there’s probably a bit of overstatement to Buffet’s claim, one can’t deny that from an “American Dream” point of view that he is considered a success. Thus, there must be some truth behind his words which reinforce the Module 3 concept of boundary-setting. With the rise of technology, be it e-mail or Google classroom, students have greater accessibility to their teachers. In fact, everyone has greater accessibility to teachers. Compounded by the fact that part of last year was taught remotely, the boundaries of the school day almost ceased to exist. Fortunately, the summer has been a quiet time to turn away from professional demands, but with the new school year upon us, I feel it is going to be important to counter the feeling of always being tied to work. For this reason, boundary-setting is going to be a priority for me. My first concern is to establish that I will not be addressing professional inquiries/issues on weekends or days off. Of course, this will be somewhat of a test at the start of the school year because I’m also conscious of the anxiety that arises when my inbox fills up with issues that need attention. But branching off of the time-management piece of the puzzle, I hope to create effective solutions in my approach to time and boundaries.

When I started my career as a teacher, I recall a colleague noting that teaching is a twelve month job condensed down to ten months. Thus, the school day doesn’t truly end with the last bell. There is much to get done between planning, grading, and tending to all of the extra aspects of teaching. Even as a veteran teacher, it is virtually impossible to complete all of my professional needs during school hours. In fact, the demands of being a school teacher may feel endless at times. This is why it is so important to set boundaries. Granted, when you have children of your own, as I do, priorities tend to shift. But, even so, most caring teachers yearn to give 110% to their schools and students. The phrase that comes to mind when that happens is “slave to your work.” This is a recipe for stress and potential unhappiness, so it becomes incumbent upon teachers to set boundaries and strike a balance between personal and professional life. This school year, I feel I’ve done a nice job of making my nights and weekends sacred. I use my time at school effectively and efficiently, shying away from distractions that keep me from being as productive as possible during school hours. I have even established practices with classes that have helped in this regard. For instance, I have designated Friday as an independent reading day for my basic skills classes. While this is productive for them because it creates an environment that they can do sustained reading of literature that they choose, it also affords me time to catch up on grading and plan for the following week (which would otherwise be happening during my weekend). The items that I am not able to get to during the school day are addressed during my time at home, but I believe that I am approaching it in a more thoughtful way. On weekend mornings, I’ve been waking up early as my body adjusts to my 5:30 wakeup routine during the week. So when I’m up for an hour before the rest of the house, I can attack the items that I didn’t get to during the week. Needless to say, my approach this year has left me feeling a better sense of control over my professional duties.

9-22-21

“Shake It Off”

Several years ago the topic du jour in school districts across the country was resilience or grit. This was pre-pandemic. As a concept, it hasn’t gotten the same attention as of late, but that does not undercut the importance of resilience and the tools we need to develop in order to persevere. As noted in Module 3, a growth mindset plus stamina equals achievement. As part of my journey to better living, particularly during the stressful pandemic, I have landed on, and dedicated myself to, several areas which follow:

Developing habits of self care and compassion for others

As we went into lockdown and found ourselves somewhat trapped in our homes, particularly during the fall and winter, it was easy to lose the habits of self-care that had been so natural in our daily lives. I have consciously made an effort to develop better habits of self care since taking this course. Namely, my diet and sleep have been areas of focus. My daily diet looks something like:

-Greek yogurt with granola and fresh berries for breakfast

-A greens, apple, avocado, grilled chicken and blue cheese salad for lunch

-Apple slices, banana, flavored almonds, and/or pretzel & hummus for an afternoon snack

-Dinner varies, but is typically home-cooked and avoids red meat

Prior to this conscious change, I had no real dietary routine and I recognized the impact it was having on me physically and mentally. I was leaning hard into sugar and caffeine; beyond the damage it was doing to my body, it was adversely affecting my sleep habits. Now, however, committed to taking better care of myself, I am cognizant of the synergistic benefits of self-care, especially when times are tough.

Another area of focus, and one often taken for granted in our well-being, is the power of authentic socializing with others. While I was lucky to have a full house made up of my fiancee and our three kids which helped me not feel starved for close, authentic social interaction, I still was not feeling completely edified. Making sure to nurture my relationships, especially with students and colleagues, brings a greater sense of gratification from meaningful interaction. For instance, last school year, I noticed that one aspect of my school day that was glaringly absent was laughter. Whether it stems from banter with colleagues or the shenanigans that carry on with a loose and happy classroom of students, last year punctuated how important laughter is on the psyche. In fact, a line from one of my favorite novels, Ken Kesey’s One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, emphasizes the deep importance of laughter when the protagonist, McMurphy, remarks, “Man, when you lose your laugh you lose your footing.” While social distancing may have made us inclined to shrink away from people, so much has been lost by cocooning ourselves. A tremendous part of our mental health is the release we get when laughing. I have reinvested in that and it has led to the next area of well-being and resilience:

Building a network of positivity

As an extension of that investment into relationships is the support system of those who help to buoy me. While we know that misery often loves company, we should also recognize that happiness is augmented through company as well. One of the better pieces of wisdom that I ever found from a fortune cookie fortune was “Joy shared is doubled; grief shared is halved.” (Does one need to create an APA citation for fortune cookies? Ha!) We certainly are better off building a mindset of positivity. It can be infectious. And although as the school year neared I was having grim thoughts about what was in store for us, my network of people which includes friends, colleagues, and even students have helped me navigate to a place of harmony. Sometimes we are our own worst enemy and our brains can be unkind and counterproductive. And sometimes we lose our way which also takes a toll on our sense of being. That’s why anyone will be better off:

Finding Purpose

Yesterday, I was catching up with my best friend from childhood. I asked how his mother was doing since she retired three years ago from her position as an anesthesiologist. My friend’s response was, “She’s deteriorating.” Granted, this is a woman in her 70s, and time can be cruel. (My fiancee told me last night that she saw a shirt for sale online that said, “My favorite childhood memory is my back not hurting.”) But the real point of my friend’s words is that once she lost her daily purpose of getting up at 5:30 and doing meaningful work, she became aimless and lost the person that she had been for most of her lifetime.

Finding purpose is an important element to the senior curriculum I teach as the literature we read in my ELA class forces us to confront the universal themes of purpose and identity. So much of self-understanding and drive derives from the things that we do.

Perhaps the best figure to explore the value of purpose is the mythological figure of Sisyphus. You may know him as the guy who rolls the rock up the hill. That’s his identity, because that’s what he does. He is suffering eternal punishment for angering the gods, and they have determined that there is nothing worse than this act of futility. When Sisyphus completes his task and gets the rock to the top of the mountain, it just rolls back to the other side and he has to collect the rock again and repeat. Ad nauseum. However, the French absurdist writer Albert Camus examines Sisyphus as a representation of the everyman. We all roll our metaphorical rocks only to watch those acts be undone. We make our beds in the morning. Wash our dishes. Mow the lawn. Go to work. Day after day after day. And ultimately, we suffer for no greater good. However, Camus acknowledges that Sisyphus overcomes his torment if he has his own purpose to the seemingly futile act. When he steps up to the rock with his own personal motivation, or purpose, then it’s not a punishment. That’s the value of purpose.

Fortunately, the profession of education naturally provides purpose as we invest in our students. And beyond that, I have invested in music and relationships. These areas of my life have certainly been instrumental in creating a sense of direction and happiness.

Finally, I believe in:

Continuing to learn, experiment, and grow

Recently, a colleague noted how much she loved being a student and learning. She pointed out that if she could be a student for the rest of her life, she would do it in a heartbeat. I feel somewhat similar. And one of the best aspects of being in the world of education is that I’m consistently being exposed to new ideas and ways of thinking that have satisfied an aspect of my personality that yearns for knowledge.

When the world came to a screeching halt in the spring of 2020, eager to quench my desire to improve my knowledge and skills, I found just what I was looking for online. After some searches for guitar instruction on the internet, I stumbled upon a fellow with a channel on youtube that has been somewhat life-changing. His avuncular disposition and clear explanation of guitar theory has helped me to become a better guitarist and feel a newfound confidence in my playing. Upon reflection, I’m happy that I dedicated myself to improving my skills because it has paid great dividends and underscores the value of knowledge, experimentation and growth.

I feel lucky that a few of the ideas noted above are organically interwoven into the life of an English literature teacher.

9-26-21

“The smell of gratitude” - Sensory Awareness, Attitude and Thankfulness

Yesterday, I stepped outside in the morning and immediately recognized that it was a glorious day. An early morning autumn chill was in the air (my favorite time of year), and the sun dappled the earth through its magnificent golden rays. Shortly after breakfast, the family hopped in the car and headed north to Warwick, NY. When we reached our destination, my fiancee and the kids hopped out and spent an hour on an alpaca farm while I drove into Sugar Loaf, the neighboring hippie town. There, I walked along the main drag in the middle of town and basked in the sunshine between dropping into the different stores. After picking the family up, we drove back into town and had a delicious lunch before heading home mostly along back roads that traced the shore of a lake that crosses the boundary between NY and NJ. It was sensational; the only thing that could have made it better is if the foliage had started to turn.

Days and moments experienced, like yesterday’s outing, force me to return to the lyrics of Neil Peart whose words echo from his band, Rush’s, wonderful song “Time Stand Still”:

Freeze this moment

A little bit longer

Make each sensation

A little bit stronger

Experience slips away...

Time stand still

Of course, time doesn’t stand still, so it becomes necessary for us to savor the big and little moments of our lives. Akin to the Scottish poet Robert Burns’ remark in his poem, “To a Mouse”:

I backward cast my e’e,

On prospects drear!

An’ forward tho’ I canna see,

I guess an’ fear!

We are so busy worrying about our past and futures that we forget to live in the present. With this in mind, I’ve been practicing the art of savoring. Right now, as I write, there is the wonderful aroma of pumpkin muffins in the air. This morning, I relished the hot water pouring down when I took a shower. And even though I’m allergic to animals, I still felt and savored the buttery softness of the teddy bears made with alpaca fur that the kids got when they were at the farm.

There are many areas of our lives to be more present and “tune into” in order to achieve a deeper appreciation for the present moment and increase our happiness and well-being. And, following the advice from the Harmony course to spend time in nature, I find this to be the best time of year to do such a thing. Thus, I have been spending extra time outdoors, smelling the autumnal air and savoring the beauty of the natural world. Fortunately, I’ve had the pleasure of teaching Romantic writers whose ideology turned away from the harsh, cold logic of the Age of Reason and towards the wonders of the natural world and the emotions of humankind. Several poems I teach underscore the value of nature; perhaps no poet celebrates the natural world more than William Wordsworth. He characterizes the peace found in nature when he says in “Lines Composed a Few Miles Above Tintern Abbey:

how oft—

In darkness and amid the many shapes

Of joyless daylight; when the fretful stir

Unprofitable, and the fever of the world,

Have hung upon the beatings of my heart—

How oft, in spirit, have I turned to thee,

O sylvan Wye! thou wanderer thro' the woods,

How often has my spirit turned to thee!

I, too, have looked to nature, both literally and figuratively, to counterbalance the “fever of the world.” I will continue to do so, especially on these glorious autumn days. And in times when I cannot be out in nature, my spirit can still turn to it and find some internal peace with recollections of how sublime Mother Nature can be.

9-29-21

Crisis - “A season to build resiliency”

The subheading to this journal entry comes from an Edutopia article written by Jessica Cabeen, “How School Leaders Can Frame Tough Decisions.” It’s certainly an optimistic mindset in relation to times of struggle or outright crises. Entering my seventeenth year in education, I could never have predicted what the state of education was going to be over the past few years if I had never lived it. If we are to understand “crises” as events that cause us to change our routines and threaten our safety, the pandemic certainly fits the bill.

I’ve had a few other crises since becoming a teacher. The most recent one was a crisis wrought and then averted by Mother Nature right as this school year was beginning. When Hurricane Ida swept up the eastern coast of the US, those of us in the metropolitan area had no real warning about the amount of water that the storm was going to dump on us. At around 8:30 pm, I went into my basement to see streams of water pouring through the basement walls soaking the basement floor as the sump pump struggled to keep up with the quickly rising water table. Ten years prior, I had a similar experience with Hurricane Irene. (It dawns on me now that I must really take note when a Hurricane named after the letter I bears down on me that I need to be alert.) The morning after Irene, I woke up to the items in my basement floating around like they were in a bathtub. With Ida, I made a mad dash to remove the items from the basement that I could and tried to shift my thinking of helplessness to acceptance.

You can’t fight Mother Nature. Thus, I took solace in knowing that I salvaged the things that I could and to not fret about the things that I couldn’t control. This is perhaps a difficult thing to do, especially in a situation like this as we are naturally conditioned to protect our abodes. But the mindset is vital part of our wellbeing. One of the moments from the course on Harmony that really resonated with me was the transference of anxious energy into positive energy. Rather than feel confined by the heightened energy of anxiety, simply telling yourself “I’m excited” can have a real positive effect. Certainly, saying “I’m excited” about a hurricane is a ludicrous connection, but attempts to assuage the mind can bear fruit. In the middle of the madness as Ida was wreaking havoc across NJ, I made a conscious attempt to soothe myself and accept what the fallout was going to be.

From there we are able to learn and grow, and our resilience is definitely tested. Although we may struggle and even suffer, we have the opportunity to learn and grow from our experiences. Additionally, when we go through our own trials, we become empathetic.

Given the extreme negative impacts that trauma can have on individuals, especially young people, crises take on a more serious consideration because it’s not just the present crisis that needs attention; the ramifications for the long-term also need to be addressed. Sometimes checking in is an important step to help others. For that reason, I spent a couple of class periods talking candidly with my students about their feelings regarding the pandemic. Not only was it eye-opening, it was also greatly appreciated by my students. Quite a few students remarked that none of their teachers bothered to check in with them. They carried on with business as usual, even though the students had bigger things on their minds than math or chemistry or history. Since then, and with the endorsement of the Harmony course, I have made it a priority to emphasize and invest in the human connection with my students and the other people in my orbit.

Although the course emphasized a distinction in the connotations of balance and harmony, I do believe that a conscious balancing of different aspects of my routines and choices has led to a more harmonious life. The school year is off to a great start...a better start than I had hoped. And, ultimately, I feel a stronger sense of well-being, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Cited Sources:

Burns, Robert. “To a Mouse.” Poets.org, https://poets.org/poem/mouse.

Cabeen, J., 2021. How School Leaders Can Frame Tough Decisions. [online] Edutopia. Available at:

<https://www.edutopia.org/article/how-school-leaders-can-frame-tough-decisions> [Accessed 29

September 2021].

Gilbert, D. (2021). Stumbling on Happiness: Think You Know What Makes You Happy?

Alfred A. Knopf.

Kesey, K. (1672). Ken Kesey: One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (Mass Market

Paperback); 1989 Edition. Ken Kesey.

Rush. “Time Stand Still.” Peter Collins, The Manor, Oxfordshire, 1987.

Santos, L. (2020, December 22). Laurie Santos, Yale Happiness Professor, on 5 things that will

make you happier. Newsweek. Retrieved September 16, 2021, from

https://www.newsweek.com/2021/01/08/laurie-santos-yale-happiness-professor-5-thing

-that-will-make-you-happier-1556182.html.

Wordsworth, William. “Lines Composed a Few Miles above Tintern Abbey, on Revisiting the

Banks of the Wye During a Tour, July 13, 1798.” Poets.org,

https://poets.org/poem/lines-composed-few-miles-above-tintern-abbey-revisiting-banks-

wye-during-tour-july-13-1798.

#balanceandharmony

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kenkamishiro · 5 years ago

Text

Ishida Sui’s Review of 2019

I didn’t think I’d ever finish this with my onslaught of classes including pharmacology, but I somehow managed! 6k word count, the longest TL I’ve done to date besides Parvati’s interlude for FGO. Lots of insight into Jack Jeanne’s production and what Ishida’s been up to for the past year. It was tough to translate because it was so long, but I had a lot of fun.

Let me know if there are any mistakes, I’m sure there’s a whole bunch. Have fun reading!

Original can be found here.

＊＊＊

2019. I’m reflecting on this past year while flipping through my agenda. Since I’m writing this for my sake, there’s going to be a lot of sections without much explanation.

January

○ This was when Jack Jeanne had yet to be announced, so I was mostly doing preliminary work at the time. Stuff like “BU” and “character facial expressions” will be finished some time this month, is written in my schedule book.

○ New Year’s party in Tokyo from the 16th - 19th. The New Year’s party is a joint party that’s comprised of the 4th editorial department (Shueisha’s seinen magazine branch) that’s held every year in January. I attended the party with the staff every year during serialization, minus my first year.

2019 will be the first New Year’s party since the series ended, but I thought I should stop inviting the staff to attend since we’re not working together anymore (plus it’d be a hassle), so I didn’t really invite anyone. But the day before the event, Editor M brought up the topic inside the taxi and asked, “Are none of the staff coming this year?” (Even if they’re invited now, it’s going to be impossible, asking them to fly the next day and causing a ruckus…) When I replied, “Hey, I’m sure it’d be fun if you invited them and they all came~”, the editor contacted Goubaru-kun, and after said, “He said he’s going.” Guess he wasn’t busy. In the end, the staff during serialization and several people from OB and OG came, almost identical to the lineup from previous years, and it occurred to me that maybe I should have just invited them from the start.

Anyway, at this year’s New Year’s party, I don’t really remember much of what happened. I talked with my senpais from back when I was an assistant for Kingdom, and outside the venue I sobered up from the agoraphobic dizziness I was feeling inside. At the second party I remember people talking to me haphazardly and being photographed. I wish I’d refused. Also, I was sexually harassed by Rikudou Matsubara, my senpai from the same region as me. This New Year’s party will be my last.

February

Briefing session for the game held in Tokyo. Key visual created. It says here [on the agenda] that I want to go to Kagoshima. Every week there’s a checklist for 10 km of jogging and weight training 2-3 times a week. I spent about a week doing some composition work. It ended up being helpful for me, but it made me decide not to work anymore with people with different levels of interest from me.

○ TRPG is written for the 28th. Usually we use the DX (Double Cross) system, but this time one of our participating players, M’s schedule was under mysterious attack. As game master, taking consideration of everyone who’d made time in their schedules for tonight, I thought we could switch to Cthulhu and asked them to wait an hour. 2 hours later I finished coming up with a scenario and began the session. It was fairly fun.

March

Finish BU this month, is clearly noted down. BU stands for bust-up, which are drawings of characters in standing poses [sprites] that are common in ADV games. Normally, since it takes a huge amount of work, the BU work is always divided up. The original drawings are done by the illustrator, in this case I do the base illustrations (line drawing & colouring), and using them as the base, the department sharing the work cleans up the line drawings and recolours it...that’s how the process goes. But since I’m a mangaka and don’t have the technology needed to make gaming assets, I thought it’d be best to leave it to the pros in that field, so that was how that stage proceeded. At that point in time at least.

I also had plans written down to go to Kagoshima. Looks like I didn’t go.

○ TRPG on the 25th. Player M’s schedule lined up with ours, so we played DX with 6 PL plus me as GM. We went to the aquarium, were attacked by witches, and so on.

April

Finish BU, is faintly written down. It seems like the work was more or less completed earlier this month.

○ High school friend K’s wedding on the 6th. Up until then I’d only been to two other wedding receptions. The weddings were for a different friend from high school, and Tajika-san, one of my senpais from Kingdom. This suddenly reminds me of that time at Tajika-san’s reception, when I took a super early flight because I absolutely didn’t want to be late whatsoever, but I ended up not being able to fly for about an hour and a half because of engine trouble or whatever, so I entered at almost the same time as the bride and groom during the reception…

K’s wedding was the first time in my life where I was present all the way from the wedding to the reception, but how should I put it, I was struck by a beam of light. I don’t know who he’s getting married to, I have no clue what their relationship is like. But I was somehow bombarded...by all these thoughts that became jumbled in my head, like the energy in this place, the power of their oaths, questioning what it was, how light isn’t always justice.

I got the feeling that this was what proper, respectable humans take part in, but since I'm fine with not being a proper, respectable human, I decided to not do anything other than what my heart desires.

I'm definitely not good with places where I’m in the spotlight. But congratulations.

○ “Play Sekiro” is strongly noted down. Thank you for supporting me in the first half of 2019.

○ TRPG for the 29th - 30th. DX. Player M’s character dies.

May - June

My schedule book is starting to look more scattered now. On the other hand, since I’ve got a good memory of this time, I can write while recalling the events.

○ I did the covers for the Touken stage play book.

I drew the cover illustrations for the Touken [Ranbu] stage play that Mikasano-san, who I’m grateful to for his work on the anime and movie scripts for TG, worked on. In my mind, it feels like I'm watching the back of who I'd consider my older brother in the creative world, or a fellow comrade on another battlefield fighting to the death. I think it came out quite charmingly, so I’ll include the links for now. Link 1 | Link 2 | Link 3

During this time of work for Jack Jeanne, I was working on “model sheets”. Blueprints for the characters’ attire, not just from the front but also the internal structure.

Unlike most other games, Jack Jeanne has “performance costumes” in addition to normal attire. Because of its “revue” theme, costumes that will be worn onstage needed to be prepared. I was shocked when I suddenly admitted that I needed model sheets for 5 different performances (spring, summer, fall, winter, final) for the 6 main characters, making 30 designs in total.

Back in the TG era, these kind of drawings that I just explained, or drawings that needed a lot of layers, were a pain in the ass. Plus I wasn’t good at them, so I thought that I didn’t want to do it for the rest of my life if possible. But it seems like I have to do this myself. With a sense of determination, I decided to work solely on this for all of May. At the same time, I made nothing but curry for all my meals. There’s no deep reason behind it, but my aim was to kinda boost my ability to concentrate daily by choosing to be decisive in that action.

○ Working on model sheets It came with an unintended effect. Because I spent a month on work that required balance and consistency, my right-left checking skills got better, and completely unrelated, I improved in drawing perfect copies. The design work for the model sheets itself became really fun to do, starting around when I became obsessed with the scarf design (sumo wrestler drawing) I definitely couldn’t use for Neji’s summer costume. I discovered that it’s precisely because I’m not good at this that my labour bore fruit. I feel like this was my experience for the latter half of the year.

July

The cast members were chosen. Unlike TG, there are 6 people + 1 person who can be referred to as the main character, so it was interesting to have a cast with some breadth.

Seems like lyrical work was the main thing I worked on.

Lyrical work. In Jack Jeanne, each performance contains several songs to sing and dance to, so each one is supposed to be sung. ...hence the lyrics.

The topic of what to do with the lyrics was brought up in November 2018. What happens typically is that, let’s say there’s singing in an idol game, then a company that specializes in it is asked to produce the songs. Even for Jack Jeanne, there were several candidates I could pick and choose from. But after a quick look-through, frankly speaking, they all looked the same to me. There’s one person that’s good, it’d be great if we could get them...is what I thought, but, “Even though I don’t have the skills, I’m the one who understands this world the best,” crossed my mind. ...should I try? I tried it. To be honest, I was super embarrassed since it’d be seen by a lot of people, but it evolved into, “Who cares if you’re doing it?” And so Jack Jeanne’s lyrics were tasked to me.

I mentioned this earlier, but there are multiple songs for each performance. So if you combine those plus the opening and ending songs, that makes 17 songs in total. Lyrics for 17 songs that I’m fully responsible for. What the hell...am I doing? Maybe it was from that moment that I started losing it.

Including the lyrics that I’d been working on bit by bit every month, the remaining ones were finished in one go this July. By the time I finished everything, my current state was, “Give me more songs...let me write more lyrics!” But it wasn’t over just yet.

August

Every time I meet someone I tell this story. I’m thinking of keeping it up. Here I am, relieved to have finished the lyrics, when a message pops up on the Skype group chat. It’s from Yamashita Daisuke of Broccoli.

To briefly touch upon Yamashita Daisuke, he is a young man who’s been involved with this project since October of 2018, and a poor soul who was tasked with conducting very important meetings on his third day of working at the company.

The producer from Broccoli was going on maternity leave, so he was scouted as her replacement. As an aside, if I have to be honest, the exchanges between me and Towada-san, and Broccoli’s Jack Jeanne team up until then were quite frustrating. “How about doing it like this?” they would counter. And we’d respond with something like, “This part is going to be developed later on, and since this will become foreshadowing for the entirety of the story, it can’t be modified that easily.” This kind of situation, having to explain everything in detail one by one, going 3 steps forward and being held 2 steps back, had been going on for about 3 years, so the two of us would often whine about it over drinks, going, “When should we quit, this is ridiculous,” etc.

Finally when things began going more smoothly, the producer who was leading the project took her leave, so I wondered if we’d be able to get along with Yamashita Daisuke, but he was, how should I put it, very diligent. For the last year I've been working with people who don’t put in their best effort, so I was very hopeful and thankful to him.

But I digress. This was the gist of the message that Daisuke sent.

“Kosemura-san’s who’s in charge of musical composition wants ‘scratch vocal tracks’ for when the singers are recording.” “Does Ishida-sensei happen to know anyone he could ask for this favour?” “I’m sure it won’t be a problem for you!” “Frankly speaking, it’s okay even if they’re bad.”

Huh. Well, as you might have already guessed, even with the lyrics, it’s impossible to really understand the song at first sight without knowing what kind of rhythm, what kind of emotions are being expressed in the bar measure. Of course we’d need ‘scratch vocal tracks’ to explain the general feeling of the song.

Now, what Daisuke said was, “Do you have anyone you can ask? It’s okay even if they’re bad. Or even you can do it.” But if I found a “it’s okay even if they’re bad” kind of person, we’d still have to show them how to sing it and explain how the rhythm goes. Daisuke already knew which was probably why he asked for the favour. “The person writing the lyrics would be able to make the scratch vocal tracks the fastest.” ...come to think of it, the demo songs that Kunimitsu sent me every time that were sung using Vocaloid, weren’t they also scratch vocal tracks?

Daisuke must have been in a pinch trying to figure out how he should ask me candidly. Ishida-sensei, I couldn’t just ask you to sing it, so I had to ask in a roundabout manner.

I’d already given my answer, but I was still hesitant. It’s true that after I finished writing the lyrics for the 17 songs I’d already lost sight of myself, but if I sang, my singing would reach Broccoli and Kosemura-san’s team’s ears. But I couldn’t just leave poor Daisuke hanging.

So I consult Towada-shi, whom I’d been collaborating with in creating the scripts for Jack Jeanne, for advice. (He had been in charge of TG’s novels, and I’ve known him for a long time.) “Did you check Skype?” “I did.” “What do you think?” “Start by looking up scratch vocal tracks,” so we paid a visit to YouTube. The first search result that came up for ‘scratch vocal track’ was a video of a vocalist who was used to sing a scratch track for AKB or something. I see, so that’s what it looks like. Innocuous, but I could see it was very professionally done.

And the second result that came up was Tsunku♂-shi. The figure of Tsunku♂-shi himself recording a scratch track for his idols. The producer himself became an idol, and was singing really cutely, in his emotions and how he sang it. “This is it?” I said. “Yeah, it is,” Towada-shi agreed. If Kosemura-san and his team, and the people who will be performing the songs have to listen to it, it’d be a disservice to them to half-ass it. I don’t like people who don’t try their best. That means I have to show that attitude myself. Let’s come out of my shell for poor Daisuke as well.

“You’re gonna become Tsunku♂.” “Yeah...I’m gonna be Tsunku♂!” And that was how I became Tsunku♂.

I replied to Daisuke on the Skype group chat. “Understood, I’ll do what I can.”

So this guy, who doesn’t even know what the ‘D’ in DTM stands for, first downloads the software, and begins setting up a recording environment. Other work is pushed aside. I set 3 days to work on this.

I timidly begin working on the scratch tracks. From the perspective of someone who doesn’t have to listen to their singing for a living, it starts out as a living hell, but you get used to it as you listen to it over and over.

And so I kept learning new things. I noticed I was harmonizing with myself.

Just like Tsunku♂-shi, I’d change the voice for each character. If it was Jack (male in a male role) I’d sing like a man, and if it was Jeanne (male in a female role), then like a woman, while the main character Kisa (female) should sound cute... No, Kisa needs to be cuter! I re-recorded her part many times. Depending on the song, I’d sing for 7 people. I was Jack Jeanne now.

Tsunku♂ (I) recorded 17 songs in 3 days, and sent the data first to Towada-shi. Since I was now Tsunku♂, I no longer felt any sense of embarrassment.

“I listened to it,” the reply came, and I called him. Towada-shi was roaring with laughter. I regained the embarrassment I’d forgotten.

“Oh no, I was laughing ‘cause I was impressed,” he said, but my heart was already as fragile as that of an abandoned dog.

“Even this is a big help to Kosemura-san, and Daisuke should be grateful, right?” Yeah. Although Towada-shi guffawed at me, Daisuke will surely thank me. And then he’ll definitely tell me what a good job I did!

I dumped the music into the Skype group chat. “I did what I could,” I added.

How will Daisuke react to my Tsunku♂? I waited restlessly. Three days later on August 5th, a formal message arrived after it was received.

“Thank you very much. We will schedule a meeting with Kosemura-san…”

I couldn’t believe my eyes. My hard work got dismissed with, “Thank you very much.”

Daisuke, why? I thought you were in a pinch, so I...were...were you fooling with me from the start? Answer me! Daisuke! Just tell me I did a good job, or follow up with something, I’m fine with anything! So much for my heart being like an abandoned dog, it’s more like a grown-ass man left naked on a snowy mountain. I did what I could! This feeling was welling up inside me, but was it myself that managed to do it?

○ Later, at a meeting with Kosemura-san “It’s great that you could do this much for us. You didn’t have to do all that.” With the gist of those words, a warm blanket was finally placed over my heart, which had almost frozen to death.

“I didn’t know how to respond. I wasn’t sure if Sensei was the most who did it in the first place,” Daisuke said, so I decided to satisfy myself by threatening, “I’m gonna tell this story until the day I die.”

September

○ Responses to the Questions to Ishida Sui contest We did a “Ask anything to Ishida Sui” contest as a project for the art book “zakki:re”, where purchasers could apply with a postcard. I was writing the replies for them.

I thought there’d be a lot more questions about TG or its contents, but surprisingly there were a lot of questions asking for life advice. There were quite a few questions that I had to seriously think about to answer.

It was kinda tough since there were over a hundred of them, but I thought it’d be nice to get in touch like this every once in a while.

○ BU work for Jack Jeanne Once the music-related tasks like lyrical composition and scratch vocal tracks were completed, I worked on BU. ...BU work? Wasn’t it finished back in April?

Well, a similar situation arose just like what happened with the lyrics. Regarding sprite quality I might not be able to beat the pros, but since I’m the one who best understands how the characters look best and their body balance, I had decided to do all the line drawing colouring myself in June. I had no clue whether I’d make the deadline or maintain the quality, but thanks to Broccoli’s understanding, I was allowed to make it myself.

I realized once again that I’m terrible at splitting up work. If I can do it by myself, I will.

Plus, it’s, how should I put it, starting from my TG days, even though it wasn’t a lot I got to see various types of workplaces. I’d see places where there was no sense of responsibility whatsoever, or the work may have been divvied up appropriately, but it felt like they were making something without a sense of purpose, like a main plot line that isn’t going anywhere.

It’s impossible to accomplish big things with that kind of stance, and I understand that the more people that intervene, the more uncertain the core becomes, so I didn’t like that kind of approach. It makes me wonder whether there’s any meaning in creating a work that’s conservative and unchallenged, and if it’s nothing more than a money grab.

Since I don’t have any desire for material things, getting fed up about it is useless, but I just can’t help thinking about it.

Of course, it may be difficult to get what I want 100% of the time, but I want to create things in an environment that I think is beautiful, even in places that I’m slightly involved in.

...in other words, BU work is tough, but I began remaking the sprites once again by myself. This was the toughest work I’ve ever done out of everything, including the serialization...

○ Scratch vocals training camp at the end of September I went to the recording for the scratch vocal tracks. Based on the scratch tracks that I made, we got professional vocalists to sing it again properly. This is what the actual cast would use as a reference to sing. (So my version was like the pre-scratch vocal track.)

I was stuck in Tokyo for almost a week. Wake up, get ready, go to the recording studio. Come back at 8 or 9 pm, rest and sleep, repeat.

It was like I was back in school, and since I don’t have a steady lifestyle, I enjoyed it.

Kosemura-san’s team is really great, and I know I mentioned this before, but I felt like their workplace was a very healthy production site. When I was drawing manga, I never had much time to talk with fellow manga artists, and I’ve never had the chance to experience what other professionals’ workplaces were like, so it was very exciting for me to see people as professionals tackle one thing seriously. The vocalists were as amazing as I expected, and although my scratch tracks were played at a loud volume to annoy me, I had a great time.

The game might have a high level of entry, but it’s worth listening to just for the songs, is what I truly thought.

○ Parting words to Editor M-shi This might have been back in August, but from 2018 to 2019 I had a lot of things on my mind, so I began talking to the editor.

In between the 11 years of serialization starting from my rookie days, I’d received guidance from him so it wasn’t easy, but I expressed to him that we should keep our distance for any future works.

“I want to become absorbed in myself, not to Ishida Sui or Tokyo Ghoul,” I told him. The other part said he also felt the same way, and accepted it. The next time we meet, I hope we can talk about what we’re into, what we’re going crazy over, he said.

And so, 2 months after that conversation was the scratch vocals training camp in Tokyo, and I had the chance for the two of us to talk again. That day I was completely tuckered out from recording the scratch track, but it was a day filled with accomplishments.

He took me to a restaurant with delicious food in Ebisu or somewhere, and after concluding our brief business meeting, I tried throwing out the cliched, “So, what are you up to lately?” As the lead writer, there was a part of me that was curious about how he was doing after that talk we had.

The editor began talking about homemade curry.

...that’s what he’s into? I decide everything from selecting and picking the ingredients myself, and next time I want Ishida-kun to also see how delicious the curry is...he told me passionately, but how should I put it, the conversation wasn’t very spicy.

The food was delicious.

October

○ BU work

What’s hard about BU work is that it’s difficult to separate the layers according to the face, hair and clothes, and they all have to have the same style and touch to it. If it was manga, then maybe...no, even in manga, there’s still some need to match the outfits, but it doesn’t really matter to that extent.

It’s because I don’t like game sprites. “This character has so much energy from their sideways pose! Amazing!” This never happens…

Around this time of the year, my older sister called this elaborate task, “the task you’re probably the worst at.”

○ The bean life I’m not really fat in particular, but I made up my mind to try dieting. At the time, my body fat percentage was at 18%, and I’ve never been below 10% ever in my entire life, so I’m thinking of aiming for that. Instead of eating rice with unseasoned chickpeas and black soybeans, I began my lifestyle of consuming vegetables and cuts of meat with less fat. Hopefully I can achieve my goal in about six months’ time.

○ Ano-chan, Honda Keisuke, and I After Ano-chan left “You’ll Melt More!”, her official Twitter account removed every single account she was following, but for some reason only two people remained. Those two people were Honda Keisuke and Ishida Sui. To Ano-chan, Honda Keisuke and Ishida Sui belonged in the same category. After some time passed, even we were removed, but I consider this one of my hottest mysteries of 2019. Ano-chan! I’ll always be waiting, so let’s have tea some time with Honda Keisuke!

November

○ BU Need I say more.

○ Main cast’s first recording session from the 26th - 27th.

I visited Tokyo with Towada-shi to supervise the main cast members’ recording session. Wow, everyone was so amazing~

Of course, not just the main characters. Terasaki Yuka-san who plays the main character, Tachibana Kisa, was wonderful as well.

In this kind of game genre, the position as the main character feels less important than the male characters, but I want her to stand firmly in this story’s script. I thought it’d be nice to have the main character not stand out too much and have her watch over the male characters, and I felt that Terasaki-san’s voice and acting fit that image perfectly.

About the cast members, it seems like there’ll be a chance to speak to them eventually, so I’ll come back again.

○ 1 month into the bean life I’m steadily losing weight. Basically I always work from home. I go to the gym and supermarket 2-3 times a week. I started cooking for myself. I got a brand new refrigerator to replace the one that suddenly broke. It actually cools things down now. Living standards have risen.

December

○ I break off ties with M who I played TRPG together with. He was a former classmate who was even chief assistant at some point during the series’ run, but eventually he ended up getting fired due to falling asleep at work. He said he’d attend the last session for the story that day (although his own character had already died), and I was working on a schedule to accommodate him, but once again he cancelled at the last minute.

It’s fine to cause trouble for me (although I’ll probably get pissed), but I can’t overlook treating others the same way. And it’s not the fact that his schedule didn’t match up, it’s because he was complete trash who didn’t know how to behave like an adult once he made plans with others, that I felt sorry for the other TRPG people who took time out of their schedules. Since I felt ashamed when I was together with him, I decided I’d had enough.

This was a year where I cut ties with a lot of people, but I think what they had in common was that I was ashamed to be with them. From now on, I don’t want to associate with such people.

What’s more, when I finally told him, he didn’t even try to deal with it and just gave up, responding, “So that’s how you felt about me. Okay. My bad.”

I won’t go anywhere with those kind of people again.

○ The bean life ⇒ the potato life. I changed it to potatoes.

○ BU is over...

On December 17th, I finally finished the BU work that I spent ageeeeeeeees on.

Although I said that serialization is tough, as long as I finished 18 pages a week that was it (although there were times where I was chasing myself with other work), so I could finish it as long as I didn’t sleep. I somehow managed to finish both the manuscripts and the colour illustrations this way, so expecting BU to be similar, I wasn’t really scared about it never ending, but BU truly was despair. When is this gonna end? I’m even working super hard… This is how it went on the entire time for over a month.

There were about 200 different sprites I had to make myself, including the different costumes and poses, and I had to do all of them.

For one thing, when, “This process is necessary,” came out, I had to go through the same process roughly 200 times, that it felt like I was facing the final boss who already transformed many times. Also, it’s like not equipping myself with a lot of equipment and recovery items in the previous town, but the dungeon I somehow managed to enter is extremely dangerous and even though there’s no safe points anywhere in sight, the boss suddenly comes up behind you, and you go I’m gonna die I’m gonna die

○ If you eat a lot while you’re losing weight, you’re going to have a bad time.

On December 15th I had trouble concentrating, so I tidied up the living room, created a space in the middle of the room, and darkened the lights. After an hour of meditating, only the sound of my breathing could be heard in the room, and so I went back to work with renewed concentration after confronting the issue (like a monk?).

On December 16th, I’ve been working the entire time since morning. I thought today was going to be the last day, but an entire day has passed and I don’t have any energy...

I’ll buy a midnight snack, replenish my energy, and end it once and for all. I’m trying to lose weight, but I went to the convenience store while thinking about how I’m gonna eat a katsu sandwich (I didn’t have the energy to cook).

While looking for something at a convenience store I can eat during weight loss, I think back over the last few months.

Like how it seems like BU is finally over, how a lot of things have happened, how I’m working hard, how lately I’ve been eating only potatoes, vegetables and meat.

And then I suddenly thought, “I wonder if the reason I don’t have any energy is because I haven’t had any rice lately.”

...I thought I should go on a diet in October, so I’ve been living a very modest life since then. Thanks to that, my weight has steadily decreased, and my body fat percentage has gone down 3% to 15%. What will happen if I continue with my relatively strict dietary restrictions during this difficult time?

...even if you’re losing weight, there’s a technique you can set up to binge eat during periods where weight loss stagnates, called cheat day (though results may vary), but what is it that makes no-cheating so inefficient even for weight loss?

...should I have a cheat day today?

“Huh, is it really okay?” I asked my mind. “Do it!” was the answer I got. From that moment, everything around me morphed into things I could eat.

No exaggeration, my knees trembled.

I crammed into my shopping basket carbohydrates, carbs, more carbs… It’s okay just for today, I say as I shove cream puffs, dorayaki, pudding, Family Mart chicken and ice cream. (Even if it's a cheat day, it’s probably not a good idea to take non-nutritional foods, but shh.)

With food in both hands and in high spirits, the first thing I ate was the delicious part of the Family Mart chicken.

I groaned loudly, all alone in the room.

Alright, let’s finish this work! I was energized, but my blood sugar levels spiked so much that I felt extremely sleepy and went to bed instead.

The next day on the 17th, I wake up at 4 am and immediately notice something unusual. My body is burning. I’m sweating.

I immediately wake up, and overflowing with energy, I head for my desk. I’m working actively, and I finish the BU work. It felt like I was pushing forward with only positive energy, feeling uplifted.

I break out a laugh at a slight joke I found funny from a foreign drama (The Mentalist) I’m playing while working. The greenery of the plants and the lighted sink glisten, and the scenery is vivid.

What is this?

I suddenly recall the story of a YouTuber I saw recently. He lives in a region where medical marijuana is legalized, and he explained in detail what changes would occur if you smoked cannabis.

To put it roughly, you feel calm and your senses sharpen. Trivial things can become funny, and funny videos can make you roar with laughter.

Then maybe...I thought, I'll watch Nagareboshi (a comedy duo) on YouTube. Usually I go, haha, that's funny! But that day I exploded with laughter...all of their videos were just too funny.

I learned that when you’re losing weight and suddenly eat a lot, it alters your mind and body as if you smoked cannabis. (※ Just to be clear, I don’t know what cannabis is like.)

Thus the BU work ended with me being high as a kite.

(※ I’m covering it with mosaics for now. I’ll remove it once I can announce it.)

○ I stopped playing TRPGs. I’ve been doing it for about two and a half years, but it also helped me in honing my creative skills. I’d sometimes perform, so it was useful when I was recording the scratch vocals… It was a good experience, managing to vicariously live the energy of ending a story. It was a story about a group of friends, so it was easy to appreciate.

Summing up 2019

After the weekly series finished in 2018, I was in a daze for a few months, but in 2019 I worked only on Jack Jeanne for the year.

This year I tried various things, and trite as it may seem, felt the possibilities within myself expanding. I had many opportunities to realize how important it is to keep a distance from bad things that don’t do anything for me.

During my work on Jack Jeanne, I vaguely thought about my future creations. The work I’m doing now in game production is fun so I wonder if I can keep working in this field, but I’d also like an environment where I can release things more constantly.

I can’t promise anything specific, but I’m going to work on things that I want to do.

I look forward to what 2020 has to offer. Have a happy New Year.

2019.12.31 Ishida Sui

#Jack Jeanne #Ishida Sui #Translations #my translations #time to hibernate

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kjimagine · 5 years ago

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Behind the scenes - Sweet Pea

Request: “Hi there!! I was wondering if you could do a sweet pea imagine where the reader is Josie’s understudy in the musical and sweet pea never really noticed her because he was too focused on Josie and after he hears her sing “fight for me” to him in the musical he falls head over heels for her and keeps trying to be nice and protective of her because she’s small and quite..? Sorry I know that’s a lot”

Pairings: Sweet Pea x reader

Warnings: small panic attack and Reggie Mantle being a creeeeeppppppeeeerrrrrr

Summary: Sweet Pea can’t help but take notice of you when he catches you singing “fight for me” in the role of Josie’s understudy in the musical. Over the next few weeks, you take notice of the lingering stares you can never seem to catch and the significant disappearance of trouble around you

N/A: its literally like they just said “serpents”? “Sweetpea”? don't know her, and threw my boy out the window. Also, i might edit this later and add to it UPDATE: I EDITED AND ADDED MORE

Despite your role of leading understudy in the Riverdale Highschool musical production of Heathers, you still attended every practice. Of course, that decision was influenced by Kevin and Fangs. In the chance that something went wrong, which would certainly not be an absurd occurrence in Riverdale, they needed you to be prepared.

You spent most practices sitting on the floor by Kevin and Fang's table, catching up on classwork and playing stupid games on your phone that made the time pass faster. The last 30 minutes of practice, were always designated for you. That was your time to shine.

Josie didn’t really deserve the leading role, at least, that what your parents had told you many many times over. There were certainly people who agreed, Betty Cooper for example. Others would soon come to this conclusion too.

“(y/n), when the basketball guys get back in 10 minutes, you’re up,” Kevin smiled down at you. You smiled back in confirmation.

The start of the musical season, at Riverdale, always interfered with the end of the basketball season. And thus, all basketball players were late to musical rehearsals. Fangs still managed to be around for some musical practices, this was actually the first he had been able to attend in two weeks.

“Kevin, I don’t see the point in her practicing, no offence, y/n, if she’s not performing,” Josie complained.

“Why don’t you focus on yourself instead of worrying about y/n, God knows you need the practice,” Cheryl scoffed. Putting a hand over your mouth, you tried to hide your laughter. Josie scoffed and rolled her eyes at Cheryl in response. Cheryl sent you a wink from across the room.

Cheryl and you had never been more than friendly to each other, a few hellos’s in the hallway, helping each other with a few questions and equations for class occasionally. Her desire to defend you against Josie was a surprise, weren’t the two of them friends?

Kevin sighed and shook his head the interaction between the two girls. “Alright, take five. When we come back (y/n)’s up.”

Right on cue, in walked Sweet Pea and Reggie. The two of them definitely didn't seem like the musical type, but none the less, here they were.

Reggie scanned the group of theatre kids and when his eyes met yours, a smile grew on his face.

Reggie mantle was like the plague. Nobody wanted him to be there, but there he was; He was behind every door you opened, around the bend of every corner, he was in every class you have had since freshman year.

Reggie Mantle didn't know what the phrased “go away” or “leave me alone” meant.

An audibly loud sigh left your mouth when he started toward you. Sweet Pea chuckled lightly at this, the annoyance present in your body language.

“How’s my favourite girl?” he grinned wrapping his arm around your shoulders.

You shrugged his arm off and took a step backward, “Not your girl, Mantle; not even your friend.”

“Ouch,” Reggie winced, holding a hand to his chest in mock hurt. Cheryl and Toni laughed from beside the two of you. You and Toni made eye contact briefly, sending each other a small smile.

“Give it up, Reggie. You’ve been chasing (y/n) since freshman year and she doesn’t even want to touch you with a ten-foot pole,” Cheryl snapped. Wow, she really did have your back today.

“She’d touch me, isn't that right, (y/n)?” he grinned taking another step toward you. You grimaced at the pearly white teeth poking through his menacing smile, a chill travelled down your spine.

“Your doctor doesn’t even want to touch you, Mantle, give it up,” Toni snarled.

Kevin let out a puff of air in frustration, “Alright, back to work,” he redirected the group.

With a small sigh you made your way up onto the stage, Josie stomping her feet on the way to her seat behind you.

You were never one for creating drama, Riverdale surely had enough of that, but if Josie continued to complain about your involvement in the play, there was going to be a problem.

“Alright, (y/n),” Kevin clicked his pen four times, “Fight for Me.”

You watched as Ms. Grenvell reached her hands out and started playing the introductory beat on the piano. Taking a deep breath in, you were ready.

Why when you see boys fight Does it look so horrible Yet... feel so right? I shouldn't watch this crap That's not who I am But with this kid… Daaaaamn

Josie rolled her eyes at you from her seat in the front row. Her legs kicked to sit over each other. Her arms crossed in annoyance.

Hey, mister no-name kid So who might you be? And could you fight for me Hey, could you face the crowd Could you be seen with me and still act proud Hey, could you hold my hand And could you carry me through no man's land It's fine if you don't agree But I would fight for you If you would fight for me

The serpents had never been around long enough or even interested enough to learn your name, but they certainly were now. The rise and fall of your voice was angelic, your articulation exquisite.

Toni’s face held shock, Fangs’ held admiration, and Sweet Pea’s held a smile. Pea may have not known much about Riverdale High or the people who attended it, but he certainly wanted to now.

∘ ♔♔♔ ∘

The halls of Riverdale High had been quiet all week. The absence of Riverdale’s very own Mantle the Magnificant’s presence really put into perspective how little interaction you had with your fellow students. You had friends, but with the amount of Reggie Mantle that usually hung off your neck, they chose to keep their distance.

Reggie Mantle hadn’t tried saying anything to you in two days, he hadn’t even looked at you. For the first time in 2 years, you didn't live in a constant state of uncomfortable. And while Reggie’s lingering eyes had stopped, they were replaced with a new pair. Only this time they weren’t bad, they belonged to Sweet Pea.

You have never had a conversation with him, maybe a few head nods and small smiles here and there. When you heard that the Southside Serpents would be attending Riverdale Highschool, not even your greatest and wildest dreams could have brought your current reality to life.

Sweet Pea, arguably one of the toughest Serpents of his age, despite what his name claimed, took a liking to you. As cliche as it sounds, you were so painfully oblivious.

Sweet Pea spent months scaring the scoundrel’s of Riverdale High away from you. He spent months trying to figure out how to talk to you. He spent months trying not to fall deeper in love with you.

You spent months, for the first time since freshman year, hanging out with your friends and enjoying yourself. You spent months unbothered by the chaos of Riverdale. You spent months blind to Sweet Pea’s excessive starring and attempts to talk to you.

That was until one fateful day in January. Everyone had just arrived back from the break. And teens out of school surely meant trouble in Riverdale. The rivalry between the Serpents and the Bulldogs had been brewing, things were getting tense.

Slamming the door to your locker shut, there he was, Reggie Mantle, in all of his ignorance. With the roll of your eyes and sigh, you turned to look at him. Reggie slowly pushed you against the lockers, a smirk played on his lips. Your breath hitched in your throat at the unwanted contact.

“Miss me?” he grinned, hot breath fanning your face.

“Definitely not, Mantle,” you groaned. You tried pushing him off but to no avail, he still stood uncomfortably close.

This interaction must have been enough to push Sweet Pea over the edge. The next thing you knew, Sweet pea’s fist was hitting Reggie's face and Reggie’s face was hitting the floor. Your hand flew to your mouth, eyes wide.

Toni and Fangs stood nearby, along with a few Serpents who stood at each end of the Hallway to watch for teachers. A few students cheered as Sweat pea’s fists reconnected with Reggie’s body again and again and again.

“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Mantle,” Sweet Pea yelled pulling Reggie up to his face by the collar of his shirt. “You bother (y/n) again and I’ll beat you to a pulp,” he spits. With that, he drops Reggie’s collar, the boy’s head hitting the ground harshly. Sweet Pea looks over to you, but when the two of you make eye contact, he freezes like a deer in the headlights.

Someone yells out that Weatherbee is coming, but with all the yelling in the hallway, and the bulldogs emerging from god knows where, you get lost in the commotion.

Your back hits your locker as your eyes try to make sense of the scene in front of you. Your chest tightens and your breathing shallows, you wrap your arms around yourself.

A warm hand grabs yours, and you’re pulled away from the loud fighting crowd in the hallway of Riverdale High. The hand is large, it incases yours entirely. You can’t see much as you’re lead through the crowd, but you’re able to make out the slicked greasy hair and the worn leather jacket of the serpent in front of you.

#sweet pea #sweet pea imagine #toni topaz #riverdale #riverdale imagine #south side serpents #fangs fogarty #fangs imagine #josey and the pussycats #cheryl blossom

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justlookatthosesausages · 5 years ago

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:: “Memoirs” :: post-Frozen 2 Time Travel AU

======= CHAPTER 4 =======

“That’s the craziest plan.” Puffed Anna.

“It can’t be worse than sending a letter to yourself.” Commented Elsa.

Anna turned to her. “Hey, that actually wasn’t that bad of an idea.”

The blonde sighed, amused nonetheless. “You really need me to teach you a thing or two about time paradoxes.”

“Sorry, I forgot for one moment that I have a nerd as my elder.”

Elsa gently nudged her, and Anna giggled.

“I get it, you know.” Said the redhead. “No interacting with anyone, ever. We do not go nearby the castle because there’s a way we cross ways with our young Father coming home, we do not go to the East part of the village because this is where Mother was found and adopted, annnd we try to avoid talking to pretty much anyone because they could be young versions of Kai, Gerda or the guards or the maids, that we don’t recognize.”

Elsa grinned. “You’re the clever one.”

“What? Nah, you’re the one with the brain cells. I just repeated what you told me.”

“I never explained that to you.” Pointed the elder.

“You didn’t?”

“No. You grasped it all by yourself.”

“Really?”

Elsa sighed, but with some tenderness. “You once told me ‘When will you see yourself the way I see you?’, but it also applies to you. Do you realize of much better of a Queen you make compared to me?”

“No, that’s not true, you--” Anna started to defend, but Elsa wasn’t going to let her demean herself.

“You’re way more clever than me, Anna. These last years, you solved mysteries and found solutions faster than me. You saved my life twice. Twice, Anna. Do you have any idea how much people admire you? How much I admire you?”

Anna stared at her sister, stunned by her words. Her lips trembled as she was about to blabber a response, but she gulped with a slight blush. She actually didn’t know what to say. She then analyzed Elsa’s facial expression.

“You look like you wanted to say that since a long time.”

“I do.” Smiled Elsa, taking Anna’s hand in hers. “Since we became the Bridge, I wanted to tell you in many occasions. But I never really found the right moment.” She paused. “Who would have thought that I’d tell you that more than 30 years before?”

Anna laughed, and her elder joined in. “Thank you. So much.”

It was all she could say, her modesty preventing her from saying anything else, especially enhanced since she became Queen. Her emotion still tightened her throat, and she had started to see Elsa blurry, so she coughed lightly and re-focused on what they were doing.

“Alright. Speaking of time travel... Where were we?”

Elsa smiled as they stopped looking at each other to stare at the same direction. “The rule is to not interact with anyone. But with harmless things...”

She waved her hand, and with a flick of the wrist, a gust of ice escaped her magic palm and sneaked in between the legs of the stable boys from the place they were hidden.

The sparkling and glowing blue thread discreetly made its way to a cart, like an eel having fun and crackling. Anna raised an impressed eyebrow at how fast Elsa was in her magic now. She could control her ice mentally with incredible speed and mastering, no matter what the distance was. She just had to look at it from where she was if she wanted to be precise, which was the current case, and Anna’s eyes alternated between looking at the trajectory of the magic and Elsa’s focused face.

She had what the younger now called ‘The Scrunch’ in between her eyebrows, which often appeared when she was concentrating as she carved wood in the Forest or tried to understand Olaf’s handwriting on charades’ papers.

She let out a small giggle at the Scrunch, but tried not to distract the Snow Queen. They were trying their best to not be spotted, hiding behind barrels, and it would ruin everything.

Finally, the controlled gust of magic arrived to its destination, and Elsa made sure that neither of the blacksmith and the wheelwright were looking at the cart before she snapped the bars of one of the wheels. With a satisfyingly quiet snap, it broke, and none of the people around noticed that the cart now had a default.

“Here we go.” Smiled Elsa, not hiding her relief sigh that it all went well.

She waved her hand to vanish the ice, and turned to a beaming Anna.

“How did you possibly see from that far?” The latter asked.

“I don’t know.” Shrugged Elsa. “You couldn’t?”

“The shop is a hundred meters away, Elsa. Of course I don’t. I wonder if your sense of sight got sharpened since you became the Fifth Spirit.”

Instead of tossing that commentary away, the Snow Queen hummed and considered it. “That’s actually possible. I noticed I could hear the sounds of the Forest better afterwards. Or maybe it was just Gale bringing them to me.”

“Well, that was awesome. Breaking a part of a cart so the wheelwright will have to fix it and therefore shift all her production day after day and then year after year until the day I rent one to come see you? And so with the delay difference I won’t touch the glowing magical rock because we won’t have the same walk in the Forest? Brilliant. It definitely was a crazy plan, and it’s brilliant. You’re amazing.”

Elsa simply shrugged. “You’re the one who made me think of it when retelling what happened.”

Anna stared at her.

“Can’t you just take a compliment?”

“Uh?”

“You just broke a cart on a surgical level thanks to a spark of magic sent from the other end of the street, and you’re like ‘oh yeah it’s thanks to you’??!?”

“What?” Frowned Elsa, genuinely confused.

Anna blinked as she realized that Elsa wasn’t trying to be modest.

“Wait... You’re not really used to receive compliments.”

The blonde looked away, and that slight embarrassment confirmed Anna’s theory.

“Elsa, you always give compliments! To everyone! You even bathed me in compliments just earlier. You should learn to get some as well!”

“But anyone deserves them more than me.” Pouted Elsa.

Anna’s mouth opened wide in shock. She couldn’t believe her ears.

“ELSA!”

“Shhhh!” Whispered the Snow Queen.

“I don’t care if I’m loud about it, damnit, I want to be loud about it, I want to loudly tell you how many compliments you deserve. Everyone in Arendelle and Northuldra admire you!”

“I know.” Mumbled Elsa. “But I’ve never done any big effort to get that recognition. People mostly admire me for my magic, and I was born with it, so...”

The younger hesitated between slapping her forehead or Elsa’s arm.

“Elsa, this couldn’t be more far from the truth. And, for God’s sake, you stopped a tidal wave with your bare hands and saved a whole kingdom from being flooded. What can ever top that?”

“Nokk helped.” Specified the Fifth Spirit.

Anna grumbled. “Please understand that you have the right to receive compliments, okay?”

Elsa remained quiet, like she always was when Anna raised her voice on her and said the truth. She simply nodded.

“Come here.”

The elder lifted her head, and found herself in Anna’s arms, hugging her warmly. Elsa gave the hug back, holding her sister tight against her.

With smiles, they parted.

“Your turn now. Do you think you could sneak into that shop there and get us two hoods?” Asked Elsa as she pointed at a window.

“Discretion is my middle name.” Grinned Anna, stretching her fingers.

“It really isn’t.” Smirked Elsa, and memories of their whole life in common could provide counter-examples. “But I trust you on this. Since the Great Thaw, you went more than me into that shop - yes, that’s because I didn’t need new clothes as much as you do - and you know the lady more than me. You’ll know how to borrow two clothes without getting busted.”

“Just say ‘steal’.”

“I thought you wanted to repay everyone once we get back to the future?” Frowned Elsa, surprised by the Queen’s precision.

“Yes, of course, but for now, it’s still theft. I’m about to steal from my citizens. And we need money too. Goodness, I’m about to steal money from them. It’s making me sick.” Murmured Anna, hands on her cheeks.

“Don’t think too much about it. It’s gonna be okay eventually.” Assured Elsa, but it made her feel bad as well.

Anna nodded and stood up. She went to the shop, wisely inspecting each of the clients’ movements and the manageress so no one could see her face, and made her way through the store. Elsa saw her bounce and leap discreetly in the room by the window, and she clenched her hands in stress. She wondered if she was more worried in that moment than Anna.

After long painful minutes, Anna reappeared at the door, being as careful as she was on her way in, and soon swiftly ducked behind the barrels next to her sister. Elsa felt great relief to have her back. She couldn’t tell if it was because Anna made it with no problem, or because her sister was at her side again after being alone for those long minutes, trapped 30 years in the past on her own.

“Tadaaaa!” Smiled Anna, beaming like a thousand suns in her pride.

There was a silence, and Elsa gulped and nodded with a smile as a congratulation gesture.

“Why are you crying?” Frowned Anna, and she let down the hands she had lifted with one hood in each.

Elsa urged to sniff and blink to not show anything. “I’m not crying.”

The Queen bent her head. “For someone who’s been hiding the truth about herself for a tremendous amount of time, you’re terrible at lying.”

The blonde had a giggling sigh. “I’m just... I’m just glad you’re here. Without you, I don’t know what I’d have done after time traveling. I’d have panicked and... You know.”

Anna smiled warmly. “It’s a good thing we got each other, uh? You do the magic stuff, I do the clothing stuff. It’s equality!” She exclaimed, raising the hoods in victory.

They laughed together, and their laughter was interrupted by their stomachs rumbling in one voice.

“Okay, let’s put them on. Oh, and keep my jacket underneath. We’re gonna go get some food.”

“But we can’t enter into an inn, it’s too risky!”

“We’re not going to eat in a pub. Some of the merchants on the market square sell grilled meat, and I’ve never seen their faces before. Which means that they’re just passing by Arendelle. With that fact and the hoods, we have no risk to alter the events in the future.”

Elsa’s jaw dropped, and melted in a smile. “When I tell you that you’re the clever one.”

The redhead attached her cloak with a chuckle.

=======

“Adele!”

It took a few seconds for Elsa to understand that Anna was calling her.

“I found us a spot”, smiled the redhead as she pointed at the place she was sitting.

It was a bench in the shadows of the docks, and if Elsa hadn’t recognized Anna’s voice, she would never have noticed her under her hood with her fiery hair hidden in a bun under the fabric. She made her way to her after getting food from the stand.

“Here. I asked for a double dose of sauce on yours.”

“Ooooh, neat!” Exclaimed Anna, clapping her hands before taking the skewer she was giving her.

As Elsa ate her grilled meat with a satisfied hum and looked at the people chatting on the market square, Anna counted how much money they had left. She giggled as she noticed how, back at the time they were in, the coins had Arendelle’s crocus on one side, and the castle on the other.

“Hey, look.” She said, holding one at Elsa’s eye level. “The design was different. I prefer the ones from our present time with your face on, but those are pretty. Doesn’t that remind you of when Papa told us about how money works?”

The Snow Queen had to shift the edge of her hood aside to see what she was showing her. She had tied her platinum blonde hair in a braid to hide it in her back, and blocked the hood’s material. She smiled at the coin.

“Yes. I remember how desperate he was when he tried to explain to you what money was for. You were convinced that one can buy goods and services with hugs and love.”

Anna laughed out loud. “Well, I still do.”

Elsa smiled as they continued to eat.

The market place became crowded quickly, Arendellians enjoying the warm weather to eat dinner outside and enjoy the animations near the harbor.

“To think that at the moment we speak, he’s right over there, in the castle... Coming back from the Forest and probably panicked about all that happened...” Muttered Anna once she finished eating, and staring at the castle’s walls.

The elder nodded sadly. “It’s difficult to resist the urge to go tell him that everything will be fine. But it’s something he has to face alone.”

They didn’t add anything else, minutes passing by, and cuddled against each other.

Elsa lifted her head as the crowd became thicker and more noisy, and a man and a woman near them got louder in their exchange. Anna followed the same movement.

“Have you heard the rumors? The King is dead!” Muttered the woman.

The man gasped and covered his mouth. “Odin’s name, really?”

Anna grumbled. “That’s not much of a waste.”

She got nudged by her elder. “Anna!”

The redhead gave her a look. “Why are you scolding me? You know I’m right. As cruel as it is to say it, our grandfather was a terrible man. Even if we’re talking about family, I’m not feeling any sadness for him.”

“Still...” Muttered Elsa, but deep inside, she totally agreed with Anna.

The difference between them was that Anna felt no shame in stating it out loud, when Elsa heeld all her anger against him inside her since the moment she discovered the truth about him, and how he...

“I heard rumors saying that the chief of some clan up North killed him.” Revealed the woman.

“That’s the other way around.” Groaned Anna through gritted teeth.

He was the one who killed the Northuldra chief. To hear someone spread the fake news actually brought Elsa to a state of internal rage, and she had to physically restrain herself to not stand up right then and yell to the face of the woman that she got it all wrong.

Her hands clenched on the bench, and Anna noticed it. Her gaze turned to Elsa’s face, and she smiled sadly.

“Yes, now I get it. As difficult as it is, we must not take action.” She whispered, putting her hand on Elsa’s.

To their relief, the two people walked somewhere else, but Elsa knew that they were going to think they know the truth for 30 years. Until Anna and herself would explain on the public square what really happened after they got back from their adventures up North, announce their new roles as two sides of the Bridge, and more importantly talk about how they both are in fact half-Northuldra.

“Are you okay?” Wondered Anna.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just... Thinking.”

Elsa suddenly turned her eyes away from the two people to stare at her younger. “Why?? Is it cold? Does the air seem colder to you??”

Anna gave her a warm smile, and it chased her fear away in an instant. “Elsa, you have full control now. You know it. You don’t have to be afraid about that anymore.”

“But still...”

“When was the last time it happened? Hum?” Still smiled her sister. “We worked on it after the Great Thaw. And since you’re the Fifth Spirit, I hadn’t felt once a moment where you chilled the room.”

She then snorted, and Elsa frowned. “What?”

“I’m thinking of a pun. Ironically, things are not cold anymore because now, you just chill. It’s funny, no?”

There was a silence as the blonde had a jaded expression.

“I don’t know what I would be without you, Anna, but sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve you as a sister.”

Anna grinned. “Come on, you loved it.”

=======

The sun set faster than they expected on the Arendelle’s horizon. It was obvious that they couldn’t go sleep in a hotel, and the night would be warm, so they decided to go up on the hills where they knew no one lived to sleep outside.

Building a camp and lighting a fire now was something they became masters at; years of living in the Forest and ice powers helped a lot.

Once Elsa was done crafting an ice hut with large moves of the hands, Anna snorted.

“You couldn’t help drawing that snowflake above the entrance, uh?”

Elsa bit her lip to hold a chuckle. “It’s not a snowflake, though. It’s the Spirits symbol. At least it’s up to date.”

“You boastful dork.”

They looked at the beautiful sunset in the distance, and were at the perfect place to admire it. With satisfaction, they sat on the grass and admired how it covered the kingdom, which would later become theirs, in an orange blanket.

“Do you think that tomorrow, we’ll wake up and it was all just a dream?” Wondered Anna.

Elsa snorted. “I doubt it. It feels very real, too real even. But we’ll find a way to get back. I never loose hope as long as I’m with you.”

Anna smiled. “I always try to help people be positive.”

Elsa sighed in happiness, eyes on the horizon.

“It’s true, you do. She’ll be very lucky to have you.”

“Who?”

“Your daugh-”

Elsa suddenly interrupted herself with a gasp. She slammed her hand on her mouth, her face distorted in a fearful expression, shocked and panicked to have let that slip out.

“...What?” Muttered Anna.

There was a silence, Elsa gasping again, and tears of disappointment towards herself filled her eyes.

The redhead stared at her. “Did you just say... My daughter?”

Elsa was still mute, her hand clamped to her mouth.

“What do you mean?” Asked Anna, her eyes wide. “Elsa, what do you mean, my daughter?”

#dun dun duuuun! :D #yes i love cliffhangers #this chapter is filled with fluff and drama which are my forever two pillars lol #untangling the frozen knots is the very proof of it #I KNOW YOU GUYS WANT TO KNOW WHAT I MEANT BY DAUGHTER #WELL YOU'RE NOT READY FOR WHAT FOLLOWS #sorry for screaming that chapter wrecked me emotionally #this was supposed to be the filler chapter before we got to elsa saying that but hey guess who dove head first into snow sisters fluff?#also i'll always grab the opportunity to make elsa compliment anna and vice-versa #my babies need support #they don't realize how freaking special they are #frozen 2 #aka how to make me even more excited to write fanfics #frozen #post frozen 2 #post frozen 2 fanfics #memoirs #frozen fanfictions #snow sisters #queen anna #fifth spirit elsa #snow queen elsa #time travel #frozen time travel au #ENJOY CRYING #(i did)#if you read the tags entirely even though i'm rambling reblog this with a purple heart in your tags #xoxo

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recurring-polynya · 4 years ago

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Bollywood Review Time!

Today, I am going to talk about Om Shanty Om, a very good movie that was Not For Me.

Let me back up. People recommend stuff to me a lot and I try to watch it and talk about it, and I always feel bad when I don’t like it. This one was recommended to me by my friend @serene-faerie I want to make it very clear that you, reader, may like this film very much! It was a strange perfect storm of Things I Don’t Care For, and I actually rather enjoyed the experience of picking apart what I didn’t like about from what I did, because honestly, I am always interested in the ways stories are told and what stories say about themselves.

Cut for spoilers and also length

First off the bat-- this is not a film for the Bollywood beginner. It’s sort of a meta-narrative, with a ton of cameos from famous stars and jokes about Bollywood tropes and directors and such. There’s a ten-minute dance number in the middle that’s just famous people showing up to get down and everybody cheers every time someone new rolls in. I have only actually seen a handful of Bollywood films, mostly made after this one (it was made in 2007), and I could tell that there were a ton of gags and references that flew over my head. I got the sense, both from watching it, and from reading reviews, that this was all very well done and funny, I just didn’t have the proper frame of reference to appreciate it.

The main character, Om, is played by Shah Rukh Khan, an incredibly famous Bollywood star whom I had never heard of before watching this film. In the beginning, Om is a somewhat-bumbling movie extra, dreaming of stardom, flipping his hair, and falling in love with a beautiful starlet on a billboard. I… was not taken in by his charms. I feel like I really missed out by not knowing who Shah Rukh Khan was ahead of time. That was sort of an interesting thought to me-- that a famous actor brings the good will of all his previous roles to a movie with him, and that it was very interesting to me to watch a film stripped of that context. I was literally shocked when halfway through the film, he rips off his shirt and had killer abs, I was absolutely not expecting it.

The deal of the movie is that, through a series of coincidences, Om meets Shanti, the actress of his dreams (from the billboard). She is played by Deepika Padukone, who I fell for immediately. She is gorgeous and had a ton of charisma. This movie seems like it’s going to be a love story, but it really isn’t. Shanti is charmed by Om’s sweetness, but she’s already in a doomed secret marriage with a scumbag director, Mukesh, who ends up murdering her when she wants him to publicly acknowledge her, which is kinda time sensitive, because she is pregnant. Mukesh had planned to have her star in a lavish movie spectacle called Om Shanti Om, but when she forces his hand, he burns the set down with her locked inside. Om witnesses all this; he tries to save her and dies in the process.

Om happens to die in the same hospital where a famous director’s child is being born, and he is reincarnated as the baby, and grows up to have the life he always wanted-- that of a Bollywood superstar. His name is still Om, but his nickname is O.K., so I am going to call him that to distinguish between 1977 Om and 2007 Om. He meets Mukesh again who is now a super-successful Hollywood producer. O.K. gets all the memories of his past life back, and decides to Get Revenge by proposing to do a remake of Om Shanti Om. He finds a wanna-be actress, Sandy, who looks exactly like Shanti, and has her haunt the set in order to make Mukesh think he is going crazy (and maybe also confess? It’s not a terribly clear-cut plan). You might think that Sandy is the reincarnation of Shanti, but Shanti’s ghost shows up in the grand finale of the film, so I guess she wasn’t?? You also might expect O.K. and Sandy to have some romantic feelings, but they really don’t, and in fact, O.K. is actually pretty mean to Sandy, even though she is extremely sweet and I don’t see how anyone could possibly be mean to her.

The movie is lush. The costumes are elaborate, the sets are lavish, the dance numbers are many and long. There is not a single scene without an off-screen fan to dramatically tousle the actors’ hair. I actually rather liked the last act of the movie where they were gaslighting Mukesh and it was over-the-top, scenery-chewing, Hamlet--play-with-in-a-play madness. A chandelier falls on someone. A lot of the end doesn’t even make a lot of sense or exist in any sort of linear time, cutting between the film-within-a-film and dance numbers and what’s “really happening” and I really had no problem with any of this. I actually really liked the amount of meta that was happening and the breakdown of boundaries, and I found the end to be reasonably satisfying.

So what didn’t I like about it?

The entire film relies on you being charmed by Om and I did not care for him. We all have this set of trope personality types that we enjoy and fall for, and “young person who dreams of making it big on the stage/screen” is a huge swipe left for me. Give me a stolid second-in-command who has been stationed at an ice wall for 30 years to protect his homeland. A incredibly tired dude muttering “fuck” as he wades into a swamp to fight a bog zombie, because who else is gonna? My dude turn-ons include duty and self-sacrifice and really good posture. I couldn’t watch Naruto because everyone spouted off about “their dreams” too much, and I thought Om should have cut his losses and gotten a real job. I am who I am.

There’s a weird fine line between “meta,” that is, stories about storytelling and presentation and media, and movies about being in love with making movies. I like the former a lot and I do not care for the latter one bit. I did stage crew for a high school production of 42nd Street and I have a very distinct memory of thinking “this is a play about putting on a play. Why on earth would anyone who is not an actor want to watch this?” I also hate books where the main character is a writer (yes, Stephen King, this is a call-out). I also hate biopics about musicians and actors. I honestly do not care about the craft, and the “magic of cinema” has never been a thing I have found remotely compelling.

What I love about reincarnation storylines is the period where the characters recognize the feelings and memories that are tied to their previous lives-- where they see someone and can feel their old emotions for this person, but without knowing why. This is where I live. I eat this with a spoon. I want this to prolong the emotional burn, because the characters don't know what are their own feelings and what comes from their past lives, and that there are conflicts that must be resolved for both lifetimes. Alternatively, you can also use a reincarnation storyline to skip the emotional burn entirely, by just having the character “get all their memories back in one fell swoop.” This is… the opposite of what I want. This is what Om Shanty Om does. I felt deeply cheated.

Relatedly, the entire theme of the movie was "When you want something badly, the whole universe conspires to give to you", a sentiment I wholeheartedly disagree with. I love stories about the conflict between agency and destiny, I think this is a really meaty subject, but once again, the movie used it as an excuse to let the characters sit back and do nothing and have a solution to their problems drop into their laps. I am sure you could make an argument for the charm of this viewpoint, but it is not for me.

I like dance numbers all right, but they are not why I watch Bollywood films. This movie is over two hours long and a lot of it was dance numbers. I was very tired of dance numbers by the end. That being said, the titular song was a bop and I had it stuck in my head for days. “Disco of Distress” was my second favorite.

I do not really feel a lot of nostalgia for the late 1970s, which is when the first half of the film takes place. If noisy patterns and kitsch and big winks and goofy hair is your period aesthetic, you will enjoy this part a lot!

Here’s what I did like!

Sunglasses. There were so many good sunnies in this film. So many. A parade of excellent shades.

Deepika Padukone. She is so adorable, for one, and she charmed me in every way that Shah Rukh Khan did not. I loved her both as the melancholy starlet Shanti and the doofy, gum-chewing Sandy, and also the Angry Revenge Ghost at the end. I would say this movie is 75% Om and 25% Shanti, and I would have liked it a lot better if it were the other way around. Sandy had basically no agency whatsoever; the second half of the plot was basically about O.K. getting revenge on Mukush... mostly for himself? I liked that the first half of the movie didn’t make Shanti fall in love with the puppy-like Om just because he was devoted to her, but it would have been a nice reversal if the jaded O.K. had softened toward Sandy more in the second act, and that there had been a bit of a love story to temper the revenge plot.

The idea of the plot. The plot described in words is very cool to me, and there was a period of about 3 minutes in the film when O.K. recognizes Om’s mother when I got real excited about where this was going, and then I realized it wasn’t going where I wanted and was sad again. I think I might have liked it better if the movie started out with O.K. and revealed Om’s story slowly, through flashback, but nothing about this movie catered to my narrative aesthetic, so I eventually gave up with ways of trying to fix it.

Anyway, as I said, I can definitely see how someone could love this movie! If you are a big Bollywood buff and you love dance numbers and silliness and Shah Rukh Khan, I would recommend it in a second! It was strangely almost tailor-made to hit some of my pet peeves, and I was mad because I wanted to like it more than I did.

That’s my review! @serene-faerie I hope you still love me even though I didn’t like your movie. I am always trying to expand my movie knowledge and I learned a lot watching this one, and I don’t regret watching it, even though it wasn’t my fave.

#bollywood #om shanti om #reincarnation stories

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speakingveganese · 4 years ago

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REDDIT FAIL. A User’s Debut in Review

Charting the Unknown

For the past month, I have embarked into the unknown, entering the Reddit community as a first time user. Although my familiarity with this site is somewhat limited, I have learned a lot in a short amount of time. It was easy to set up an account, and once you do, it immediately asks you to start selecting your interests to begin populating your homepage with relevant content suited to your preferences.

History

I'm a health food junky. My pantry and fridge are full of condiments, seeds, dressings, and any obscure product I can lay my hands on. I might have a problem; let's call it a passion. I have been eating clean since the age of fifteen, trying to eat almost entirely organically and locally, splurging here and there. I have never attempted to fully take the plunge into the vegan world, and thought that the subreddit community I selected would be a great way to gain some insight into the diet and work two-fold to immerse myself into this community as a participating, practicing, and contributing member.

My prior knowledge lent itself better to plant based eating than the Reddit world itself. Reddit has been around since 2012 and I have only been registered on the site for about seven months. Currently, the Reddit app is the 6th most frequented in the category of social networks, taking a seat right behind Pinterest (Oberlo, 2020).

The majority of users are between the ages of 25-29 and they make up 25% of all of Reddit's users. The site is also popular among 18-24 year olds at 21%, and 30-49 year olds, a much larger grouping who make up 14% of its user base Across the board, it is popular among people of all ages. Users form and join communities, or subreddits, and these individual threads and pages are dedicated to a particular subject of interest that users can elect to follow. There are over 2.2 million different subreddits, and 130,000 of these subreddits are considered active today, with daily participation and posts from at least 5 of its followers. It makes sense that with so many different areas of interest and content available to choose from, the user base demographically speaking is equally diverse and substantial.

Diving In

The whole food subreddit that I elected to participate in is a community that has 150,000 members, and is fairly active, which in my thinking made it a good option as a page I would further explore. The content is often by an individual user who shares a picture of their latest meal followed by an ingredient listing or specific recipe. Other times, people post their questions about a particular plant-based brand or product. Some take it a step further still, delving into nutritional values, personal health concerns, or other fundamentals of the science behind plant based eating. With such a broad spectrum of content, the diversity of the page itself lends itself well to someone's own individual level of commitment. It is, in fact, user friendly.

Participation Awards

Over the past month, I have posted to the whole food subreddit once a week. Each week, I have tried to contribute in a new and different way as the last in order to cast a wider net, experimenting with what will and what not draw engagement and to what degree. You wouldn't call me the most active user, but I have been consistently participating. The page's responsiveness has been fairly consistent as well, if not slightly underwhelming compared to other sites I have used. More to come on that.

My first post was more of a precursor and asked a broad question. I wanted to get a feel for the page itself. I told my audience that I was a first time user and a first time vegan, and pointed out my concerns about the specific foods that I would miss both in terms of taste and nutritional content. I asked for advice and if anyone on the page could relate and how best to supplement my diet accordingly. I got some good responses and advice from a few users as well as a friendly reminder from the page administrators.

The administrators quickly but kindly reminded me of the codes of conduct and that questions like these are frequently asked and reoccurring. They said I would be better served if I navigated towards Q&A threads before posting questions to make sure they haven't already been asked and answered. I thought my original spin was worthy of a post but unfortunately the administrators did not see it my way. Strike one.

The following week, I decided to post a picture that lent itself well to a lot of the current page content.

I had made vegan apple pies using a butter alternative for the pie crust and thought that they turned out nicely and that the post itself would have a fun and seasonal spin. For a desert they were still quite healthy and I figured they would do well on a page that showcased mostly entrees. I proceeded to have an apple pie photoshoot in my kitchen and uploaded my prized picture. I am still unsure of the reason exactly, but even today the picture is still awaiting administrator approval. Strike two.

Week three, I tried a new tactic. I couldn't lose. I participated in an active thread Q&A rather than try to post my own content. Someone was looking for pantry staples and I gave a suggestion of one of my favorites. Victorious! People commented and people agreed. I finally felt like I had made a contribution to the community.

During this time of experimentation, I have managed to acquire a handful of points, or karma as the page calls it. Users can "upvote" or like content, and this is how your karma is earned. This meant that overall my contributions, content, and profile itself was at least now a bit more trustworthy and substantial.

For my most recent post, I had asked about a cauliflower based "alfredo" sauce that I saw in the store that consisted of only vegetables, salt, pepper, lemon juice and olive oil.

I thought I might try it out and was genuinely curious to see if anyone else had and what they thought before making the purchase. I was informed by the page administrators that oil as an active ingredient, as well as the majority of oil for that matter, is strictly prohibited, and that coconut oil is frowned upon and cautioned against. This came as a bit of a shock to me considering firstly that olives are a fruit, and secondly that many oils are in fact a very healthy addition to your diet. My post was active and did receive a few comments before it was taken down by the page administrators. Strike three. Lesson learned.

Takeaways

The Reddit community itself is one that lends itself very well to a person's own specific interests and works as a platform to gain more information on any variety of topics. The information is concise and from what I can tell, trustworthy. The particulars of the specific community I chose were as restrictive as the diet itself. There was an entire learning curve into the codes of conduct by page administrators. I took more of a crash course than I expected, but I think that this may have been partially my fault. Not only was I brand new to the nuances of the Reddit website itself, I was also entering into a brand new way of cooking, eating, and thinking about food. I didn't realize going in that this subreddit was more than a showcase of healthful eating, but catering towards a very narrow style and method of dieting, one that I am not a representative or firm believer of. My philosophy has always been everything in moderation, including moderation. My own lack of experience when it came to such a structured and rigid style of dieting inhibited my ability to contribute effectively. This vegan imposter tried to count her chickens before they hatched.

Overall the users have been friendly and good natured, although they do take their discussions and content seriously. In the online world of instant gratification, the pace feels slower on the Reddit forums and more restrictive. This may not impact the individual user as positively at first, but it does lend well to the trustworthiness and the level of quality one can expect of the page content overall. I learned that this particular subreddit page is one that is heavily surveilled and meticulously maintained in order to stay true to the quality and accuracy of its subject matter. Whether or not this compels me to be an active participant on the subreddit moving forward, or in my specific case, being more like a repeat offender, I can trust that the content itself will steer my interest in the right direction and broaden my scope of thinking. Reddit has not seen the last of u/laurenemi.

10 Reddit Statistics You Should Know in 2020 [Infographic]

#reddit #crashcourse #socialnetwork #vegan #plantbased

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chxoticmuses · 4 years ago

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ULTIMATE SHIP MEME

Status: ACCEPTING!!!

@themercifulmother said: botthhh of our ships

General:

How long will they last? - This is tricky because technically they didn’t at first but then they did? I feel like the feelings were still there even after they broke up, so I’d say forever

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - At least a month or two. Travis always found her attractive, but it wasn’t until they became friends and started talking more frequently that he fell for her hard and fast.

How was their first kiss? - It was awkward but cute at the same time. Awkward because the two of them didn’t know how to react, but cute because it revealed that the two of them definitely had feelings for each other. 10/10. Travis would definitely want to relive the moment.

Wedding:

Who proposed? - Travis. It was more like a suggestion than a proposal but it counts!

Who is the best man/men? - Someone that Travis worked with.

Who is the braid’s maid(s)? - Whoever Delores managed to meet when they relocated

Who did the most planning? - The wedding wasn’t too extravagant, so not much planning went into it but they each did their parts! It’s not like Travis wasn’t involved at all, he just let Delores have creative control over everything

How fancy was the ceremony? - Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - Anyone who could’ve possibly spilled their location to the people looking for them in New York

Sex:

Who is on top? - Travis likes to be on top. It gives him a sense of dominance but every now and then he lets her get on top because he likes the view.

Who is the one to instigate things? - You would think it’s Travis, but it’s actually Delores. She thinks she’s slick, but Travis be picking up on her.

How healthy is their sex life? - Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 (It’s pretty healthy. It’s not a 24/7 thing but they’re able to talk about and implement new things in the bedroom without it being awkward)| 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? - A normal session for them is about 30-45 minutes

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - Travis tries his best to make sure Delores gets off even when he doesn’t

How rough are they in bed? - Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - Two!

How many children will they adopt? - I don’t think they would adopt. I can see Cecilia bringing around one of her troubled friends and then kinda acting as parental like figures.

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - Delores. Only because Travis is at work most of the time.

Who is the stricter parent? - Delores. Travis is a “Ask your mother” and “I don’t care as long as your mom says yes” type dad

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - Travis will yell out a loud “Hey!” Just to spook them and stop them from whatever they were thinking about doing. That counts, right?

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - Surprisingly, it’s Travis! Because his job requires him to be up late at night he always packs the lunches for the next morning. Just to take one less thing off Delores’s list.

Who is the more loved parent? - This question is trifling in its entirety but we both know it’s Delores.

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? - I can see Delores getting involved with the girls’s school during their elementary and middle school years to help out with things like dances, fundraisers, etc.

Who cried the most at graduation? - Neither of them cry. They were very proud though!

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - Travis is the more laidback parent. He doesn’t give much of a reaction when his kids tell him things, so they often call for him in situations like that.

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - It depends. Some nights the family prefers Delores’s gourmet home cooking and other nights they prefer Travis’s grilling. They rotate around a lot.

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - Delores. Travis will literally eat, or at least try, anything that someone puts in front of him.

Who does the grocery shopping? - If he has time, Travis will be nice and go do it while he’s out driving around. She makes the list and he gets everything for her.

How often do they bake desserts? - Travis loves sweets! He has a huge sweet tooth and he enjoys the process that comes with baking. He’s no professional, but he’s experimented around enough to know what he’s doing. He tries to bake at least three times a week.

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - Travis. He likes going all out for special events such as their anniversary.

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - When neither of them have the energy or feel that’s it’s too late to cook than Travis usually suggests to just go out or buy fast food.

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? - Travis. And yes, it has happened before. He was trying to make burgers indoors one day, but he didn’t know how to use a stove like that.

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - They make the girls do it 😈

Who is really against chores? - Neither of them are against them. If the house is dirty then they’re going to say something and make an attempt to clean it up, but Travis does fall on the lazier side.

Who cleans up after the pets? - Travis!

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - Travis when he knows Delores isn’t looking or he’s too lazy to pick it up in that moment.

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - Delores! Travis doesn’t really care like that. He doesn’t mind presenting the house as it is, but he’ll help make it look tidy if Delores asks.

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - I’m going to pull a wildcard and say the girls. They’re always leaving things all over the house and that happens to include the spare change that their parents give them.

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - Travis. He’s the type to just stand there in the shower for a long time thinking.

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - Travis does it for a peace of mind, but he doesn’t mind Delores joining him since he knows that she adores dogs.

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - Every time a major holiday rolls around their house is decorated!

What are their goals for the relationship? - I’m going to answer this with older Delores and Travis in mind; right now their main goal is to build a safe and loving (but mostly safe) household for their children.

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - Travis. He’s a night owl; does everything at night and sleeps through the entire morning. Might be a little productive in the evening.

Who plays the most pranks? - Travis is a big joker which shocks a lot of people who get to know him. He plays little pranks on Delores all the time, but they’re harmless and nothing too serious. The type of pranks that get you mad in the moment, but later you can laugh about them.

#( ANSWERED ASKS. )#( TRAVIS ANSWERED ASKS. )#themercifulmother #( TRAVIS & DELORES. )

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alwaysspeakshermind · 5 years ago

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Top 5 Anti-Varchie Arguments & Why They Make No Sense

#4: “Varchie’s boring/predictable, love at first sight is so cliché(d).”

Love at first sight is so clichéd? Okay, sure, I’ll allow that.

I’ll even agree.

But think contextually for a sec: love-at-first-sight is so clichéd as opposed to what? The utterly original, never-been-done-before uniqueness of best-friends-to-lovers that Barchie and also Bughead, why do people who say they want to see a friends-to-lovers relationship keep forgetting Bughead’s in that category? represents? The novel concept of enemies-to-lovers that is Cheryl/Toni (and Veggie if you squint)? The dated-in-the-past-but-sparks-still-fly (Falice, Tom Keller/Sierra McCoy, Fred/Hermione) or misunderstood-outsider-falls-in-love-with-“perfect”-America’s Sweetheart (Bughead, and also Kevin/Joaquin, Kevin/Fangs)?

Come on.

Whether it’s your cup of tea or not, a trope is a trope is a trope. There are only so many combinations possible when it comes to romantic dynamics, and since fiction and reality have both existed for a really long time, there’s no one trope that hasn’t already been done a million times over. So…what’s the point of harping on this particular one? Or any other trope just because it’s not your personal favorite?

Yes, Love At First Sight is the bread-and-butter of many fairytales and/or Disney movies. But it’s by no means alone in that regard.

Best friends/childhood friends-to-lovers has been a longtime staple of books, TV shows, rom-coms, and musicals (Harry Potter, Kim Possible, 13 Going On 30, Phantom of the Opera, and Lion King all say hello), and so has enemies-to-lovers (27 Dresses, The Proposal, You’ve Got Mail, Tangled, etc.). I’m not even going to bother touching on the sparks-still-fly/loner-loves-”good” kid thing, because the first is the golden goose for Hallmark, Lifetime, an a billion-and-one romance novels, while the second is YA fiction in a nutshell. And if you’re one of those “I can’t help it, friends-to-lovers is my crack” kind of people, it might be worth noting that “Love At First Sight” is plenty of other people’s crack. Also, if your complaint against a trope you find overused is a valid argument, so is someone else’s. Childhood-best-friends-to-lovers may feel newer and unique to you, but it doesn’t to everyone. Some people are as tired of it as you are of Love At First Sight.

And even if your claim is that “love at first sight’s not realistic/there’s like zero basis for it in the real world/it’s the exception not the rule,” that claim also extends to Childhood Best-Friends-To-Lovers and Enemies-To-Lovers.

In the real world, the Best-Friends-To-Lovers thing is about as common as Love At First Sight, with the latter maybe being a bit more common, since the overwhelming majority of people tend to notice attraction within the first fifteen minutes of meeting someone and the overwhelming majority of childhood best friends grow up thinking of each other as a sibling. (Important distinction: when childhood best friends do grow up, fall in love and get married, they don’t tend to take until high school/college to figure out how they feel. They’re typically aware of it from puberty/slightly before puberty onward, and it doesn’t change because they already know everything there is to know about that person...they know if they’re attracted to them; they know if they’re not.) And both those tropes are more common in everyday life than enemies-to-lovers since, in truth, most people don’t want to have anything to do with the antagonistic person who made their life miserable.

So realism/unrealism? Kind of a shifting-sands argument. Especially within the context of a show that puts an ex-“gang” member in as sheriff and deputizes other “gang” members, one of whom is named Sweet Pea, of all things. I mean, if you truly feel morally obligated to reality-police Riverdale, there are far more pressing issues than the likelihood of two teens meeting each other one time and deciding within five minutes that “This is The One” (which is not even how it happens except for Archie, but still).

What it really comes down to is not the trope itself, but how well the trope is executed.

In other words, it’s not what you’re given...it’s what you do with what you’re given. Every trope has been done many times before. Like it or not, that is an undeniable fact. Arguing that something has little-to-no value purely on the basis of its commonality is in essence weighting originality (theory) over style (practical application). To illustrate why this kind of thinking is a critical mistake, let’s put it this way: weighting originality over style is like saying Riverdale Season 3 is better than Riverdale Season 1.

...Which, as even the most casual of Riverdale viewers knows, is not the case.

Is S3 more ambitious than S1? Yes. Does S3 contain more jaw-dropping plot twists than S1? Absolutely. Are there some damn fun episodes in S3? For sure. But guess what? S3 also contains far more plot holes, inane plot “twists” and contradictory developments/sheer why-are-you-trying-to-make-fetch-happen-with-this-storyline moments because S3 goes so hard for shock value/the unexpected, that it effectively lapses on execution and winds up with a more creative, but ultimately less-compelling finished product than S1. Moral to the story? Creativity is good, but devotion to creativity at the exclusion of all else is not. If a few predictable elements aren’t mixed into an unpredictable world (or vice versa), everything ceases to shock. On Riverdale, because things are always so wild, the biggest surprises are usually when things unfold normally/don’t go haywire.

Now.

Me personally, I’ve shipped every trope at least once. I’m in the habit of making myself set aside all preconceived notions when beginning a new show/book/movie, because I never know what, if any, ship I’ll go for. Historically, I’m about 50-50 on Childhood-best-friends-to-lovers—sometimes I love it, sometimes I hate it. Enemies-to-lovers—usually, I dig it, sometimes it’s a big, fat no from me, dawg. Love At First Sight however, I am overwhelmingly prejudiced against. And when I say overwhelmingly prejudiced, I mean that as a rule, I flat-out hate it. I find it stupid. It annoys me. I roll my eyes and make jokes.

But, here I am. Writing a bunch of long-ass Tumblr posts in defense of a fictional relationship that makes a direct play on the Love At First Sight trope.

So why are Archie and Veronica my huge exception?

Well, for one thing, their relationship kicks off in a manner that is highly evocative of the comics. The instant Archie sees Veronica, all of time (for him) stands still. The one solitary thing he’s aware of from the moment she steps into Pop’s and he looks up is her. No matter what he’s doing, he ends up looking at her, and after a very short amount of time, the same goes for Veronica (though of course, she tries to play it cool). Regardless of how I feel about the cheesiness of the trope, the execution of the scene is fricking cute.

For another: it actually is an unusual trope, and I was surprised to see it used.

Don’t get me wrong, the whole see-a-person-across-a-crowded-room deal is a cliché and it’s a million percent been done to death. But the funny thing is, Love At First Sight is such a clichéd cliché that it’s hardly ever used nowadays. By virtue of its extreme clichédness in fact, it has accidentally and ironically become fresh again because the second someone suggests it, someone else inevitably goes, “Nah, that’s too clichéd, we can’t do that.” In all honesty, I can’t remember one TV show or non-90s-Disney movie I watched in the last ten years where that trope was used over any/all of the other tropes available. I actually intended to make a list of the books/movies/shows I know of that have used the friends/enemies to lovers trope for comparison purposes, but it was getting so long with just the books section I ended up going, “Haha, no,” and scrapped that plan. (But for the record, almost every single Jane Austen novel is on that list.)

So, in summary: Love At First Sight clichéd? Yep. For sure.

Too clichéd?

Nope.

Certainly no more, and arguably less, than the other tropes Riverdale’s many ships adhere to. So if you’re not nonstop complaining about those other ships on the basis of the overdone/predictability factor, it shouldn’t be an issue that Varchie’s relationship is built around a recognizable trope that has been out-of-use by most everyone except Disney for a good while now. (Besides, some tropes are considered timeless for a reason.)

And seriously, if we’re going to go down the Disney path, let’s stop a second and recall how many Disney Channel shows/movies in the last decade utilized Best-Friends-To-Lovers and Enemies-To-Lovers. Or hey, what about Nickelodeon shows? Or maybe cop/CSI/civil service-type shows where best friend partners/partners who hate each other eventually fall in love?

Again, a relationship is not automatically made “boring” because it falls within the parameters of a well-known trope, and “predictable” does not automatically mean “bad.” If that were truly the case, no fictional relationship from probably the 18th century onward would have any popularity and/or critical acclaim. And if you try to argue that that’s just how it is for you personally: predictable/clichéd = boring, you should probably keep in mind that when measured by those standards, every single other ship on Riverdale is, by definition, boring.

Every.

Single.

One.

Not just Varchie.

So if you really are passionate about Riverdale not focusing on a “boring, predictable, clichéd ship instead of an interesting one,” you might want to take a break from griping about Archie and Veronica and start examining exactly how original those "interesting” ships you’re touting actually are. And if that’s not really what you mean, if you don’t really buy into the line you’re selling (i.e., you’re just using “they’re so boring” as an excuse to disguise the fact that you don’t like Varchie because they prevent your preferred ship from happening), you might also want to consider just being honest about that.

Because when you build your argument around a point that encompasses more relationships than just the one you’re criticizing, it makes you look like you’re either extremely clueless in not realizing that your complaint also applies to your ship/other ships, or else a giant hypocrite.

#varchie #archie x veronica #riverdale opinion #my opinion #my post #rant #I'm calmer now #so we're trying to remain relatively tactful here

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skinny-boy-endeavours · 6 years ago

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Warning: this message might shock most people, although I assume only people with an interest in these issues are likely to read it till the end, and if you are an ex-anorexic or bulimic, or a person scanning the web in search for potential culprits against your good sense, this is perhaps not going to please you. All the same, I will write it.

Since I have been living with eating disorders, more than a decade, and very nearly two decades have elapsed, and since I have joined Tumblr in a hope of finding some comfort and expressing myself at times like “these”, not even one decade has elapsed. I am a boy, I am twenty-eight, I have suffered from eating disorders for as long as I can remember, at about when switching from childhood to adolescence. I have taken a lot upon myself, and am still taking quite a lot, either out of habit or by sheer automatic resignation. I have finished my studies, I have my university diploma, I have remained at the same workplace for several years and I am both reliable and disciplined. But in the last ten years, I have been hospitalized a dozen of times, most of which upon my own free decision, and always seemed to recover a little more each time from I knew not what exactly, but that made me heartsick to the extent of driving myself to suicide on several occasions (at least 5, almost successful, by severe poisoning). I did not heed, at first, that my parents and their controlling temperament and conduct towards me might have the invisible cause behind all my self-destructive behaviours. I still find it hard to evaluate to what extent their pressurizing and eternally unsatisfied influence has driven me to hate myself only, to bear all the pain and to live only a small percentage of what is normally called “life” only to justify my existence and temper their grave looks upon my miserable person. The first thing to be said is that anorexia, bulimia, eating disorders in general and all feverous afflictions, when befalling a young person, girl or boy, is never a “fancy”, nor an invention of problems that were nonexistent beforehand, but a real discomfort, if not a living pain that is being converted into self-destruction, for want of a proper way out to an every-moment-guilt of being alive, under the control pf one’s parents, for they are authorities that are not to be gotten rid of as long as the child is a “minor” or is under their tutelage. Even when this comes to pass, the sentiment of the child who has lived under such a control for years, legally speaking, may and sometimes will inevitably reproduce his unhealthy patterns, either by the constant skin-deep memory of his former captivity of lack of freedom, which, after all, and I understand it now, is the sole and only motive for eating disorders in an adolescent and for an entire-life-wrecking nervous indisposition. I have noticed that at a healthy distance from my parents, I thrive rather well, although I still am fragile, and that when I am intensely with them for at least three or four days, this fragility is increased twice, thrice or more, proportionally to the albeit small time I have passed in the fateful company of my parents, who, despite what might be concluded from the above-written, are loving and caring, and wish nothing but my wellbeing. How then is it possible to feel, to declare oneself oppressed and pressed if one’s parents do not beat or ill treat one ? This is the whole issue: the pain inflicted by controlling parents is infinitely more subtle than any amount of “Physical” beating or mistreatment. All the more, that it is involuntary, and the parents do not realize the pain they are inflicting, and their ignorance of their very own misbehaviour is greater as they don,t understand that their love for their children is being counterproductive and is actually undermining their child’s development into healthy adults, and most of the time, driving them to self-destructive behaviours. This is no victim-playing, one has better things to do than looking, and even finding, guilt where it dos not have an actual existence. But in this lies the problem of nervous disorders into young people and their subsequent mark left upon the young people who have become adults and have to live with their self-destructive envies or direct behaviours, probably until they die, having half-lived only, become the ghost of their either living or dead parents has taken much of their energy and has achieved its final task: make oneself self-hating although alive and “functional” in society. I know why initially, eating disorder suffering patients were rightfully and tactfully removed from their families, from the sickening environment almost entirely manifested by the parent(s) or care-giver, of whoever while wishing the best for one’s child, drives her or him to seek freedom from the yoke through means by which they can escape, both physically and emotionally, and breathe, and while in the presence of the yoke-masters, feel themselves free, at least temporarily, by taking control over the only things they have any over: in this case, food intake, calorie outtake, etc. Drug problems, self-harm, and the like, are all ways of coping with a pressure than has become internalized and persists even when the subject is withdrawn from his familial environment for one’s best recovery or when one is definitely away from it. So tis is what I feel today, and what I come to realize. Of course, I am aware that this may be my case only, and that for all sorts of people, all sorts of circumstances are accountable for all sorts of joys and pains, and consequent self-building or self-destructive behaviours; that all cases of nervous indispositions are not imputable to the familial environment or the parental controlling facies, yet, this is my case and for my wellbeing, I must try to formulate it in a rational manner both for myself and for those whom it might be of use to to read these sentences and find that, as invisible as it is, the cause of their nervous disorders (I must insist, also, that a nervous disorder is not a mere nervosity or stress felt from time to time, but a fundamental indisposition of the whole nervous system, that affect the entire life and both physical and mental health of an individual, and it often drives one from depression to anxiety and back again, until one either is taken into a hospital for rest, or commits suicide although the material conditions in which he lives are what most of our “gentle-natured philanthropists would consider to be far above 2/3 of the world’s average material conditions). The whole point of this is not to throw guilt everlastingly upon one’s parents for all that happens, far from it. But if one is of a fragile nervous disposition and his parental environment does not help this disposition otherwise than retrogressively, as in my case of a till-here lasting eating disorder and as I imagine, of several if not most other people, girls or boys, with eating disorders, then severance from those austere parents is perhaps the first and most important step to be taken, either by the patient’s initiative or by his therapist. It may not be advisable in all cases, as the patient’s have different personalities and have received the more or less bad influence from their own different environments, but I am quite certain that in many instances of anorexia or bulimia or other EDs, this severance is salutary, and may, at the patient’s will, be prolonged as indefinitely as needed, for the invisible controlling influence can follow the patient, as I have already said, like a ghost, it matters not if the parents are still “physically” alive or not, or have been “objectively” demanding/austere/controlling/oppressing. The goal of this is not to spend one’s life in accusation of one’s parents, nor to remain mournful of one’s past, but once this step made, this important step, for the patient to be able to distinguish the part of himself that WANTS to suffer, to destroy himself and punish himself (eating disorders are self-harming coping methods, again, that can become internalized and last within the individual even years after the last definite severance from the individual’s unheeding parental environment/influence. I have repeatedly insisted upon this point, because once understood, as an underlying rule to unlock a difficult calculus of mathematics or physics, it will become not only easier, but truly feasible for the patient, whether he his 12 or 30, to know herself or himself and, as I had started to disert upon a little earlier, to know that his unhappiness is rooted in a self-hated that is rooted in a distorted perception of one’s worth and value as a human, as she or he perceives herself of himself as the direct product of his parents and must be perfect in every way and every instance, until it becomes untenable and metamorphoses itself into an altogether endeavour for irreproachability and self-control, which in its turn becomes what we call an “eating” disorder”. This is no freudian explanation of the mother or father sense within the child who either wants to kill the latter in order to freely fuck the former or simply hates them and eventually, himself, and strive never to resemble either of them by saying yes when they say no and reversely. This only means that the motive for an eating disorder is, in many cases, whether felt immediately and clearly or not, or only later, and to various degrees, a consequence of one’s unhealthy parental behaviour. I have written all this because it has become clear over time, gradually, and not all at once nor in a very definite and clear perception, for it is likely to change over time, as I live on, but these two tendencies, I have observed to remain constant and increasingly self-evident over time, regardless of individual circumstances: that is, 1) that my self-observation has always led me to understand that my self-destructive tendency varies along with my frequentation and near-sensing of my parents, who renew my self-hate, diminish or augment it proportionally, 2) that as long as eating disorders have been observed, whether they had already received a name of some sort or this generally nowadays accepted name, the tendency of the observer was that either the mother or the father had a devastating influence upon their child, an influence which, albeit invisible or at least very subtile, is very real and real enough to drive the child to self-destruction although their material condition is either normal or above the average. They are unhappy and feel oppressed enough to starve themselves, or to purge themselves, or have suicidal thoughts and or behaviours. Even in ancient cases, such as the all-too-famous on of Santa Caterina da Siena, the anorexic behaviour was associated if not entirely attributable to the mother’s controlling influence. In some other cases, modern or ancient, it may be the father’s controlling influence, which, of course, might not be physically agressive, but, upon a subtler plane, emotionally, intellectually, agressive, often when he has achieved some degree of intellectual authority and tries to impress it upon his child’s senses that she or he is to be at least equally rigorous, important or what not, which the child would have fain achieved even, and better so, without this moral pressure upon her or his nerves. Now, there are things upon which one cannot go back, but it is important, at least for me at this moment, to identify this cause, and to work from the knowledge of that efficient cause of the nervous/eating disorder to move forward, and have a decent life, because one cannot have it unless one makes this turn upon oneself and sees that what impedes one is the parental ghost, and I mean this without any psychoanalytical sentiment, for I do not see it as intervening in the eating disorder instance. This is equally true in the case of the freudian explanation of anorexia, that the mother being the material feeder of the child, the child stops eating when his mother’s will she or he fells antagonistic to its own. This is good for allegorical mythology, but not for practical problems that demand a practical solution: in this instance, what has to be understood, and what indeed HAS a relationship with either of the patient’s parents or with both, is that across time and space, this relationship is the root of the problem, which itself is not a one-sided guilt, it would be too easy, but rather a bad or shock meeting of genetic nervous indisposition on one side and of an austere or controlling parental influence on the other. Eating disorders become the only way out imaginable for this situation that involves no culprit but that involves as surely as possible at least one victim: the child who seeks freedom from a legal bondage, and tries to grow and to develop herself or himself under this constant nervous strain. The formerly eating-disordered children who, like myself, have gone into the adult age still carrying their self-destructive patterns and have tried to be a good citizen while waking with the envy of suicide in the morning and going to bed in tears, sleeping by the grace of strong drugs and working like a normal person by who knows whose grace, must, I declare it bluntly, turnabout and sweet is the cause of their lasting pain and poor mental health, which, in this instance, affects the whole physical organism equally, and can damage it permanently (the nervous indisposition has already a disabling effect upon the entire being, both during the adolescent growth wherein the individual is normally meant to build himself, and after the end of hormonal growth when one is an adult; the added problem of an eating disorder, superposed upon this already fragile nervous system, may be very destructive physically, and even more so as time rolls on, but also on the mind and the emotional faculties, which become prematurely tired and strained, especially when entertained over years, and eventually decades). I therefore conclude my long word, and also congratulate my reader upon his patience, by saying that an eating disorder is controlling parental influence + genetic nervous disposition and that the recovery can neither be forced upon the patient as an evidence nor even occur in the mind of the patient while her or his father or mother has not been identified as the cause of her or his emotional imbalance, and subsequently and consequently, been put aside from one’s life and definitely either discarded or healthily dealt with (by regulating, if not abolishing, the rapports one has with one’s parents or with the one in question that has an unhealthy bearing upon the child’s nerves). Now, this is only my opinion, and I perhaps imagine everything and I am not sick after all and all this is but a bad dream... But, on the other hand, I know not why, I feel that most eating disordered people, young or less young, will relate with the few statements I have abode made, and find that they describe their own cases quite accurately, because what I have singled out as the one invariable ou almost invariable tendency across time and space, in the case of EDS, is the parental influence, and it is a tendency because it cannot, totally at least, be dissociated from the very problem of EDs, and I am quite sure that those who have read this hitherto shall feel that they are not alone, and that behind their apparent madness, and underneath their emotional pain, there is something quite similar across the cases, and that something subtle lies at the foundation of it, something that has its constancy across the circumstances, and that determines the appearance of the coping method known under the name of eating disorders.

Saturday the 18th of May, 2019

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letterboxd · 6 years ago

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Magic.

“I was sort of shackled by Will Smith. And in these last couple of years, I’ve just started finding my freedom.”

Aladdin stars Will Smith, Naomi Scott, Mena Massoud and director/co-writer Guy Ritchie tell Letterboxd about the whole new world of the live-action adaptation.

We’re now well into the era of the Disney live-action remake, but something feels a little bit different about the new Aladdin.

The original was released just one year after 1991’s Beauty and the Beast, the subject of its own live-action remake in 2017. Although Disney fantasies tend to exist in their own space and time, modern filmmakers strive to put a contemporary stamp on their versions. In Kenneth Branagh’s 2015 remake of Cinderella, for example, this amounted to populating the background with more diverse families than in the original, and making the stepmother somewhat less evil (she’s grieving, folks).

But Guy Ritchie had a tougher job with the new Aladdin. The 1992 version felt so fresh when it came out, due to both its surfeit of pop culture references, and Robin Williams’s never-ending stream of impersonations in his inspired, riffy performance as The Genie, that it’s a film very much still in the public consciousness. That makes a live-action remake a trickier proposition, not to mention a challenge—even to a star of Will Smith’s stature—to make The Genie his own.

The new Aladdin downplays the pop culture aspects of the earlier film, but still gives Smith room to infuse The Genie with much of his own personality.

As Smith told us at a press event in Beverly Hills recently, the key to finding his way into the character came in the film’s music: Will Smith (The Genie): It definitely started with fear. What Robin Williams did with his character was, he just didn’t leave a lot of room to add to The Genie. So I started off fearful. But then when I got with the music, it just started waking up that fun, child-like, silly part of me.

The song that got me over the hump of “Yes, I can play Genie”, was Friend Like Me. I went into the studio the first day and I really wanted to play with it to see if I could add something to it. And literally 30 minutes in the studio, and starting to play with it and finding that in that 94, 96 BPM range, we were playing around in there, thinking ultimately it was a little bit faster than that. But that 94, 96 BPM range is right old school hip hop.

So I grabbed The Honey Drippers’ Impeach The President, which is a really classic old school hip hop break-beat. And I had them throw that break-beat under there. And I messed with that and I messed with Eric B. and Rakim’s I Know You Got Soul under Friend Like Me. And I was like “Oh my God. I’m home, I’m home!”. I started playing with the hip hop flavor and then The Genie was really born in my mind from the music.

Of all the animated remakes, Aladdin probably hews closest to the plot of its inspiration, with the bonus of Princess Jasmine’s arc being beefed up a bit. She’s now somewhat more in control of her own destiny, as evidenced by a new solo number, Speechless.

Actress Naomi Scott describes performing the new song, which was written for the film by Disney legend Alan Menken, along with La La Land and The Greatest Showman songwriters Benj Pasek and Justin Paul: Naomi Scott (Princess Jasmine): The fact that they wrote a song and I get to sing it, first of all, I was like, wow. That’s already surreal. But then when I heard it and just the words and the lyrics and how timely it was, the message behind the song and the idea of not going speechless, that everyone has a voice, doesn’t matter who you are, doesn’t matter what you look like, doesn’t matter what your gender is, your voice matters. And speaking out against injustice matters. Not just standing by and being a spectator. That day was very emotional because I wanted it to feel raw. And I wanted it to feel like what she’s going through in that moment. We did some of it live as well which was a different type of challenge.

On Princess Jasmine’s 2019 character update: NS: I really think it was a natural progression. Guy said something which I thought was really great. He was talking about equality of challenge. The idea that Jasmine needed even more of a challenge in this movie as well. As I said, it’s a natural progression. The fact that she wants to become the leader. I kind of just want people to walk out and go, oh yeah, that makes sense, right? She should be the leader. It’s not this thing that’s been shoehorned in. It just makes sense. And she’s a human. For me as an actor, my main thing is, how do I humanize her, how do I give her depth? So those things just came naturally.

Guy Ritchie (director/co-writer): If there was anything that looked like there could be some evolution in this narrative, it was that there needed to be a voice given to Jasmine. I mean, Aladdin has been given enough challenges to get on with. Genie had his hands full. The most conspicuous character thereafter was Jasmine, who was arguably a tad bit passive in the original. And it just felt like there was an obvious space there that we could have worked on. And as Naomi said, it was about equality of challenge. Because there’s no point banging on about something unless you can back it up.

To me, it’s not really about gender as much as it is about an individual standing up for themselves at a pertinent time. And they can illustrate that point, they can articulate that point. And they have the breadth and personality to do that. And I think it really works actually, that part in the film, because it is backed up. So that just felt like it was the most obvious place that this narrative could evolve, was to give Princess Jasmine a voice and that she could back that voice up.

Naomi Scott and Mena Massoud on set with director Guy Ritchie.

On bringing his own directorial flavor to the project: GR: You’ll be surprised how familiar I am in this territory considering I’ve got five kids and the oldest one is 18, which pretty much means I’ve been up to me eyeballs in Disney productions for 19 years. And also, by sort of family demand, it was about time I made a movie that we could all watch together. So Aladdin ticked the box in the sense that it was a street hustler and I was familiar with that territory. And frankly, I was just ready to do something in this world. Of course, it’s very hard to be objective about your own work, but inevitably what happens is that you leave an imprint upon it. But you know some clever director once said that the lion’s share of directing is casting. And I think that’s true. And I think once we got our little team together, it didn’t take us long before we all dialled into that same frequency. But then it just all worked from there.

On the diverse backgrounds of the film’s cast (Massoud is Egyptian-Canadian, Scott is English-Indian): Mena Massoud (Aladdin): I’m especially proud of the representation and the ethnically diverse casting that was put together for this. It’s not often you can go to a movie theater and see all people of color represented like this. It’s certainly something that I was missing in my childhood. So I’m proud of the cast and the casting that Guy and Disney put together. I’m excited for little boys and girls to go see people that look like them on screen, man. That’s what I’m proud of.

On Will Smith’s decision to get back to work: WS: I took a couple of years off. And I guess I had sort of hit a ceiling in my life. I had created the things that I could create in my career. I was getting to the end of my wisdom with leading my family and I kind of got to a point where I had a bit of a collapse of my life and creations. So I took a couple of years off essentially to study; to study and journey spiritually.

Aladdin was really my first sort of coming back in and seeing if my heart was even still in this kind of performing, and what I discovered is everything starts with: what am I saying to the world? How does this piece contribute to the human family? Can I go around the world with the ideas that the movie represents and can I teach and preach these ideas in good conscience?

Aladdin checks all of those boxes. I love the idea of Genie, and one of the things that I related to in Genie is that the Genie has shackles. The Genie has these spectacular powers, but he’s shackled. Like, he is a prisoner of his spiritual fate. And that is sort of how I felt with Will Smith. I was sort of shackled by Will Smith. And in these last couple of years, I’ve just started finding my freedom, getting free of Will Smith and I’m getting more comfortable being me. So Aladdin was that first step back out.

On the power of Disney: WS: This is my first Disney movie. There’s something that Walt Disney did in the design of these stories that at the core shocks the inner child within you and forces it to come alive and smile and appreciate the moment. This was the most joyful experience of my career.

‘Aladdin’ is in cinemas across the globe now. Comments have been edited for clarity and length.

#Aladdin #disney #wonderful world of disney #will smith #guy ritchie #mena massoud #naomi scott #robin williams #the genie #letterboxd

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olly-hl-blog · 6 years ago

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SILHOUETTE

Part 1:

“You might not know me, but I do.

I know everything about you, anything that concerns you, and this is why I am helping you. I am not someone who usually does this, but somehow I feel that I need to do it.

I have spent most of my life behind the shadows, not stepping out to see the light. Nevertheless, when I did, I have seen you for who you are, and that cleared the air.

So, clearly you have no idea what’s going on behind your back, evil things, evil people are surrounding you and they are not just tending to deceive you but to harm you as well.

The world was never a safe place for people like us, so it is necessary to break the laws in order to save ourselves from this dying, defective society. Know that this can cost me everything, but I can NEVER stand by watching an innocent man, such as yourself, thrown to the enemy’s claws, bearing the agony of oppression and feeling the very end of your life nearby.

Bellow, you will find attached evidence of treason, conspiracy, felony and many other dreadful crimes that are related to attorney Matthew Buckman, things that will clear your name and put Buckman behind bars, for life. You might thank me later, for I am always around but never near.

Furthermore, the file that contains descriptive discussion of him on the phone with his assistant is a weapon that perfectly describes his nasty plan of blaming it all on you. Use it wisely to break him and to uncover his pathetic plot.

And last but not least, the girl you are about to marry is part of this. She is the one who plotted the phone in your apartment. Be careful of her!

You might think that you have lost everything now, but I can assure you, you are the one winning later. Be strong my friend, for you are going to face a harder path now.

Regards,

SILHOUETTE,”

Lisa took a deep breath, unsure about her decision she scrolls up and down the screen of her computer, looking carefully at what she wrote down. It was a hard decision for her, but finally, cursor on “SEND” icon, she clicked.

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Two Weeks Earlier,

Maryland, United States,

Wednesday, 10:30 am,

The major thing you can hear inside the IT department workplace in the National Security Agency, is keyboard tapping sound with little chatting. Lisa, a 27 year old IT engineer was sitting back at her work space eating Chinese food looking at something on the screen of her desktop PC.

“Hey what are you doing?” asked Mike, a colleague of hers, sitting on his chair after being away for moments.

“Eating,” responded Lisa.

“Have you finished the task that Perry gave us?” asked Mike.

Lisa nodded.

“Cool, no wonder Perry likes you.”

Lisa shrugged, as if to say there is no doubt.

Mike approached her a little bit and said, “So, what do you think about what Ellen did? Cool, hein?”

“What did Ellen do?” questioned Lisa looking directly at Mike.

“She hacked into Steve’s computer and got out all the dirt he was hiding. Secret meetings with girls, private messages, porno,” said Mike snapping his fingers. “All sent to his wife.”

“Right,” said Lisa with an uncomfortable look at her face. “But, why would she do that?”

“Well, rumors say that he tried to abuse her the other day. You know, questioning the value of her work, calling her by names. So she found a way to revenge and did that.”

Lisa kept nodding for a while and then said, “Well he deserves it then.”

“People were blaming her though, saying that she didn’t have to go this far. He’s getting divorced I think,”

“Wow, was it that bad?”

“Big stuff,”

“Well people are often driven by morals and authenticity, so maybe she did what she thought was right,”

“What and you’re not?” asked Mike with a sarcastic smile on his lips.

Lisa smiled, looking down at her finished food box and said “Who knows,”

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Same Day, 02:00 pm,

The story that Mike has told Lisa remained into her head for quite long. She was curious and kept thinking about Ellen and Steve and how can someone destroy other peoples’ lives in a blink of an eye.

So after the lunch break, she went and talked with Ellen about it. It was interestingly scary at first, learning about how easy it was to hack into other people’s affairs, disturbing their privacy, damaging their security.

As the talk went on, it became overwhelming to hear. Stories about a bad use of authority that enabled the government to spy on innocent peoples’ lives and affairs was something Lisa couldn’t digest, but made sense. After all, things like that needed to be done. Someone out there had to do it.

Lisa was looking at her computer’s screen, still taken by the stories she heard. Her heart started to beat fast as this crazy idea crossed her mind. Taking a deep breath, she put her fingers on the keyboard.

As she entered the XKeyscore system, she wanted to try it. She wanted to see what it is like to be there watching people doing their stuff, not having any idea about what she was doing.

She put her hand on her mouth like she was trying to hold her cry, scratching the back of her neck itching due to nervousness and then typed the first name that came into her mind in the search interface.

SIMON WALSH, her High School sweetheart.

Fixing the network system and going through that muddly process of hacking, she was in. She managed to activate the optic nerve using the IP address she got from another hacking operation.

She gasped. Her eyes widened and a shiver went through her spine as she was staring, after all this time, to his skinny face with that goofy expression he had always worn. It was hard to breath for the first few moments. Her hard ached as her mind started to play the memories she had with him like a video playing.

She shut down the screen with an angry grab. She was mad, and sad, and many other emotions at the same time. Slowly opening the screen back, she heard him shouting through her earphones: “I’m coming Ed.” He was texting someone, she could know from the way he was moving his eyes and fingers. Girlfriend? She hoped not.

She kept looking at his face for some time, her mind telling her to quit doing so, but her heart was asking for few more minutes. She slowly stretched her fingers reaching to his face, touching it. A warm smile curved his perfect lips, as if he felt her warm fingers against his skin and whispered, “I love you too.”

Lisa was startled pulling her fingers away from the screen, this time shutting it so hard, Mike who was sitting next to her turned in surprise and asked her.“What’s the matter?”

She shook her head hard, biting her lower lip and gasping for some air. He was not talking to her obviously, but hearing those words again from his mouth felt bizarre.

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That night, Lisa was unable to sleep. She couldn’t get over it, couldn’t keep up with her feelings that were flowing like sea with a strong tide, overwhelming her with this amount of sorrow, reminding her of the bitter past of hers.

She decided she makes a little research about him. Over 10 years have passed and she was kind of interested to know what was going on in his life.

He became a fireman, received a Medal for Bravery for rescuing an old handicapped woman from a grave fire, engaged to a beautiful girl, adopted a small cute dog, living in a nice apartment with a very good salary. Quite interesting! And judging from his pictures on social media, he sounded happy, very happy. He lived together with his fiance.

She was jealous for a moment. She began searching his fiance soon to be wife, and she was interesting as well. Jane Sladen was smart, she was beautiful, still at law school but got an internship at a very important and famous attorney’s office, Matthew Buckman.

“Oh god what am I doing,” said Lisa with an annoyed voice shutting down the screen of her laptop.

She stopped researching as she got tired of her perfectionism and went to sleep. Doing researches about them didn’t make her feel any better, it only worsened her more.

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Days have passed and the only thing Lisa was doing is spying on Simon secretly. She went through his phone, Laptop, even his iPod, she misses him and it was reflecting her works’ productivity.

One day she was on mic and camera activation of his laptop, but the house was empty. Simon was at work so she kept watching Daisy, the small cute dog, playing with some sort of fabric that was on the floor. Everything was normal.

She heard the door open suddenly, it was Jane. It was weird as she wasn’t supposed to be back until after lunch. Oh yes, she was familiar with their schedules. Behind her was a man, not Simon, but a tall man with strong thick beard and smooth hair. It was Matthew Buckman.

Lisa was surprised, why would Jane bring her boss to her apartment at this hour? She was surprised to find out they were close to the point that she invites him to her place.

But suddenly, she was shocked, eyes wide open, as Matthew grasped Jane’s arm firmly pulling her towards him and kissing her passionately. Jane was cheating on Simon? Lisa questioned herself.

Things started to get really intimate between the two, and Lisa decided to record the whole thing in case she needed the footage one day, not for a dirty reason, but for the sake of evidences.

The two pulled out of each other for an instance. Mathew, looking into Jane’s eyes caressing her hair and body, whispered into her ear saying: “I need you to do me a favor honey, would you?” Jane gasping hard answered in a weak voice, “Anything.” And a wicked smile curled into Mathew’s mouth.

As Lisa was listening to the favor that Matthew was asking Jane to do, it had her drop the cup of cafe she was holding in her hand, her body started to feel numb not believing what she was hearing.

“Mother f...,” she mumbled. “What the...”

Matthew was a wicked man, an evil spirit who will make this life harder for a lot of people, and she had to take some measures to stop this from happening, before it’s too late.

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Lisa dedicated her time into finding evidences, verification, any kind of document that had to do with corruption, fraud, judicial misconduct, anything. She was working as a crazy workaholic, hacking into his phone and computer looking for some tips to help her in her campaign against immorality.

A fade voice from the TV was making its way through her ear. “Police have come across new evidence related to the Anne Kyle’s murder case and they are currently working on resolving these evidences.... A phone was found at the suspect’s apartment.... This case is known for its brutality and it’s still under investigation for two months now.... Police is detaining the new suspect under investigation and ...” Lisa turned off the TV with a stiff, tense look full of hatred and loathe.

By the time she had collected every piece of document that she was sure it could destroy not only Matthew’s career but destroy his entire life and put him behind bars, she was relieved and satisfied.

“That’s what you get from messing with the wrong people Buckman,” She said with an angry tone and a trembling voice.

She only had to send the file now, and that was the hardest part of it all. She is going to hurt the one person she cares about, and she will make him suffer but it needed to be done.

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#hacking #hacker #justice #part 1

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outoftheassparlor · 6 years ago

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This is a story about abortion.

I’ve told this story to myself and others in a hundred different ways. I’ve told it as a woman who was almost a mother and then wasn’t and will never be. I’ve told it as a woman who laid dying in a hospital bed after her fallopian tube ruptured to have a male doctor, in front of his students, ask how she knew she was pregnant.

I’ve told it as a cautionary tale against smoking and about worst case scenarios. I’ve told it as a person who received a blood transfusion and how meaningful that experience is. I’ve told it as a woman whose medical bills could have been around $50,000 after she got out of the hospital if not for insurance.

Now I’m going to tell it as a story about abortion.

My pregnancy was never viable even though it was wanted. We tried for 5 years to have a child and when it finally happened we were terrified, thrilled and frankly surprised. We’d given up. I wanted a girl and we picked out names. We immediately made appointments and cancelled allergy shots and called doctors about medications.

I will always regret telling people I was pregnant before the ultrasound.

We went in sure everything was fine but after a while it became clear something was wrong. I heard “how do you know you’re pregnant?” for the first time from the tech.

Well, maybe the 5 fucking pregnancy tests we took the day before and after.

But the tech couldn’t find an embryo and there’s a part of me that thinks she thought I was making it up.

I went home and searched and searched the Internet. My doctor guessed I was about 7-8 weeks along and at least 2 of those weeks were full of binge drinking and late nights. I found a lot of reassuring things, that the little blueberry with hands may have just been hiding and would appear. The tech might have been inexperienced or I may have drunk too much water.

The baby-less sonogram was delivered to my doctor anyway.

Her office called and told me I needed to come in soon and I did. Thankfully my husband was available and came with me and that’s when she told me the pregnancy was ectopic.

I didn’t even know what meant and as she coldly explained what happened to me I broke down and sobbed. She looked at me curiously like, why are you so upset? And then I had a decision to make. Did I want a shot? We asked her every question we could about whether “the pregnancy” could be saved. It couldn’t. The embryo just wasn’t in the right place and it had to go. This shot could kill it and potentially prevent damage and a life threatening situation.

Eventually we made the decision that yes I’d have the methotrexate shot. We carried the prescription to the charmingly named Apothecary and left. It would take them about 30 minutes they said. It wasn’t in stock and they had to get it from another pharmacy.

They told me my insurer didn’t cover the shot for the reason it was prescribed so I’d have to pay the full $20. I laughed at the injustice through my tears and handed over my debit card.

Until that moment I’d quit smoking but I gave up giving up. We went to the shop across the street run by a nice Korean couple and bought a pack of American Spirit golds. We setup shop at a small bar at the corner and I sobbed and smoked and my husband stared on.

Eventually we got a call from my doctor, the shot was delivered and it was time. We crossed the street again and went to the office. I tried to joke with the medical assistant that my husband was going to have a vasectomy and that I hoped there were no contraindications with alcohol. There were, as it turned out.

I went back into the office and the doctor had me pull down my pants so they could stab me with the needle. I was ordered to have blood work taken to monitor hormone levels to see if the shot was successful in stopping cell production and so I did.

That weekend to cheer me up we went to the Oregon State Fair and walked around. I didn’t go on any rides but we saw the animals, watched the horse competitions and wandered around the expo hall. The usual fair exhibitors were there; MLMs seeking suckers, vitamin blenders, skincare products with fancy names and craftsmen. There were also the non profits and those included Oregon Right to Life. Their booth was actually in front of the doors. Huge posters with grotesque images of embryos and fetuses at eye level right as you walked in.

It was the last thing I wanted to see and it made me so angry. I had just, 3 days earlier, had an abortion so I could save my life and there was no way these people could ever understand.

I walked out and sat on a concrete fence and cried. I hated them so much. I hated the Catholic priests that were against the treatment that might have saved me. I hated them for their callousness. All I wanted to do was look at the quilts.

We tried to shake it off and I went to a palm reader who said to me “you just lost a child” and I was shocked. I’m still convinced she must have seen me crying and made a guess. Regardless she risked a lot by telling that fortune. She really could have ended up laid out on the floor.

All the while I tried to keep my chin up and just get through it. That’s all I wanted to do was get through it. I didn’t know what that meant but just through.

A couple days after the fair I laid in the fetal position in the bathroom at work. At 1:33 pm I felt something go. I couldn’t tell you what it was but at 1:32 I didn’t feel well but was ok and at 1:33 I wasn’t ok. I was overwhelmed by pain I hadn’t experienced before or since. Somehow I still walked the 3 blocks to get my painkillers so I could stay at work. That’s how I ended up on the floor. I was desperate for the oxycodone I’d been prescribed to take effect. It didn’t

My employer paid for a taxi home and I laid on the couch. I found the pain wasn’t as bad when I was on my side. The doctor told me there was going to be pain. So there was pain and as a woman I was used to being in pain at least once a month so I just had to get through this and be strong.

I took more painkillers and managed to sleep but the next day even being on my side was painful. My husband called my doctor for a stronger prescription.

The doctor told him I needed to come in right away.

I chose this particular clinic because they were two blocks away from our apartment. I could drop by for my appointment and either get home early or hop on the street car to get downtown. The location made it all very easy. But after I found I couldn’t go back upstairs out of sheer agony we booked a car share to go that two blocks and get me to my appointment.

As I sat in the waiting room I noticed the anxiety in another patient’s eyes when she looked my way.

The pain just kept coming. No amount of leaning or changing sides made it better. When I finally saw my smart but lacking in humor doctor she asked if I was experiencing any pain. As I lay on the exam table unable to open my eyes I replied “no, everything’s just fine.”

The hospital was across a breezeway and they pushed me over. After some argument about whose wheelchair I should be in I was in a room in the ER and somehow in a gown with tubes in and out of my arm. At one point I noticed a bruise on my wrist and how perfectly smooth my skin was. I thought my arm looked just like a doll’s.

Someone’s surgery was bumped and they got me in. I signed papers and didn’t know what they said. A man who I never did find out his name squeezed my hand and told me I was going to be ok. I still cry thinking about how for about two seconds that made me feel better. The rest of the time I was just pain in human form. There was no room for fear or sadness, there was only blinding, all consuming, pain.

I woke up from my surgery in a recovery room with a nice nurse who hooked me up for a blood transfusion. I was surprised at how cold the blood was and overwhelmed at the knowledge someone else’s blood was in my body. I also felt relief. I wasn’t in pain anymore.

They took care of me in the hospital. I had a second transfusion that had some issues thanks to new transfusion software. I laughed because IT problems followed me even close to death.

My surgeon came and told me she’d done a D&C, or dilation and curettage, because after everything I’d been through she didn’t want me to bleed heavily after I got out of the hospital.

I call this the abortion that almost was because there are what ifs where the methotrexate shot would have taken me out of the very dangerous situation I ended up in. Even a surgical extraction of the pregnancy, or another kind of abortion, would have prevented the situation. But I was very unlucky. We found out I was pregnant too late. Even at 7 weeks I only vaguely showed symptoms. I didn’t vomit and I was no more or less moody than normal. I even spotted in between and I chalked that up to normal period weirdness during times of stress. It was only a vague sense of nausea around 10 am everyday for a week that tipped me off.

I was lucky enough to have doctors that had options and were smart and could act quickly. If abortion rights are taken from us will doctors be able to provide us with the options I had? The shot would probably be right out. Would they even be able to extract a pregnancy from a fallopian tube or would that upset the anti choice crowd? Would the hospital where the procedure was performed be allowed to ban partial salpingectomies because it impacts my fertility? Would they be able to treat me at all with my history of smoking and even smoking while pregnant because I didn’t know.

I don’t think it’s a question anymore that some of the things that were available to me won’t be protected in the very near future. I think the question now is at what point in this story about pregnancy and abortion would the people coming to power have let me die?

#tw: abortion #abortion\#miscarriage #ectopic pregnancies #ectopic #antichoice

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