#this just *screamed* bozer to me

[kats-kradle]

First Line Tag Game

Rules: share the first lines of ten of your most recent fanfics and tag ten people. If you have written less than ten, don’t be shy and share anyway.

I was tagged by @holbytlanna, my beloved. Apparently I haven’t published anything sicne February so. Get ready for just all febuwhump😂😂

Febuwhump Day 28: “you’re safe now” -MacGyver (2016)

Mac knew it was going to be one of those days from the second he got up. Bozer called them his “hyperactive zombie days,” which was a pretty honest interpretation of them. Mac called them his wrong days. Wrong days weren’t the same as paranoid days, even though they shared many qualities. They also weren’t the same as sluggish days, or spacy days, or barbed wire days—Mac had so many different categories for bad days that they were more common than good ones. The thought of that made him want to laugh, but not in a genuine way.

Febuwhump Day 27: survivor’s guilt -Marvel

In this universe, Clint ducks as the bullets start flying, and hopes it’s enough to save the little boy in his arms. He’s stunned when he’s unharmed, and when he turns he sees Pietro standing in front of him, his body riddled with splotches of red that clash in a sickeningly horrible way with the brightness of his shirt.

“You didn’t see that coming,” Pietro quips with a great effort, and then his body is rigid and he’s fallen to the ground, and Clint can’t move until the little boy in his arms shifts to try and look, and then he runs to the ship as fast as he can.

In this universe, Clint goes back and drags the body to the ship. Too young, he thinks, looped in his mind like a broken record. Too young. He lays down next to the body as the ship departs, and thinks about how life has never been fair for the young and the brave.

Febuwhump Day 26 (Alt 6): limp -MacGyver (2016)

The porcelain of the toilet was cold under Mac’s arms as he heaved the remains of what little supper he had eaten. He shuddered and glanced at his watch. 3:05 in the morning. Any thought he had of wanting to call Jack was quickly pushed aside; he wouldn’t bother Jack at this hour. Explosions and ragged bodies of his friends raced through his mind again, and Mac closed his eyes against the way his stomach lurched.

Febuwhump Day 25: assumed dead -Stargate Atlantis 

“Sheppard! Teyla!” Ronon called out, ducking under a branch. After a second, he added, “McKay!” His voice rang out and echoed through the forest without a response. Another attempt at the radio proved that it still wasn’t working. He let out an aggravated huff and tried to ignore the chill that was steadily creeping up his spine.

“Stay together,” John had said, and Ronon could tell by the look in his eyes that he really meant it this time. “This is not a good place to be alone.”

For the life of him, Ronon couldn’t remember why.

Febuwhump Day 24: bloody clothes -Death on the Nile 

Poirot watched Bouc as he wandered down the stairs. The inevitable was swiftly approaching, as much as he dreaded it, and he sighed and leaned heavily on the railing.

“It’s horrible,” Jackie whimpered from behind him. “All of it, horrible. Who could do such a thing? You must have some theory, Monsieur Poirot. Don’t you?” There was a certain edge to her voice that Poirot couldn’t quite place. It didn’t sit right with him.

“I have one final interview to conduct,” he murmured. 

Febuwhump Day 23: “you’ll have to go through me” -The Man from U.N.C.L.E.

“Mr. Kuryakin, if you could please step into my office,” Alexander requested as the Russian passed his door. Illya exchanged a look with Gaby, who was attached to his arm, before murmuring something and disengaging from her. Alexander gave him a pleasant smile and ushered him into the room before closing the door. Gaby continued down the hallway, but threw a glance behind her at the door. Alexander closed the blinds.

Febuwhump Day 22: can’t scream -MacGyver (2016)

“Mac!” Jack yelled in a panic, shaking his unconscious friend violently. “Come on, man, wake up!”

The distant sound of voices grew steadily closer, and Jack swore and grabbed Mac under the arms. His stomach turned at the sight of the bone sticking out of Mac’s leg, but he pushed past the nausea and dragged Mac out of the elevator shaft and into a nearby closet. Mac began to stir in his arms. The voices grew closer, and Jack moved to close the door, but Mac’s bad leg blocked it. With a grimace, he slammed a hand over Mac’s mouth and swiftly yanked his leg into the room and closed the door, cringing as Mac jerked awake to struggle and scream into his hand.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m sorry, Mac, I’m sorry.”

Febuwhump Day 21: shackled -Stargate Atlantis

“I guess this is to be expected,” Rodney grumbled. “We’ve been pretty lucky so far that everyone in the Pegasus Galaxy speaks the same language.”

Ronon grunted in agreement as the two of them watched Teyla and John make exaggerated motions and strange body movements at the village leaders. It was a lot like that earth game… charades. It wasn’t any less entertaining, either, at least on Ronon’s part. Rodney seemed to have gotten bored of it two minutes in.

Febuwhump Day 20: knife wound -MacGyver (2016)

“Riley! Riley!”

It was a sunny spring day when Riley had finally made the connection between the words father and Jack. She was driving down the road with her dad. She’d been angrier with her mom than she’d been in a long, long time, if ever; so she called her dad to pick her up. It was a low down, shitty move, and Riley knew it the instant she saw her mom’s face blanch when his car pulled up to the house. Jack had tried to lecture her with stupid phrases like “now you listen here young lady” that Riley answered with her middle finger as she went out the door.

Febuwhump Day 19: “you deserve this” -Marvel

Apathy was a mercy.

Stephen first considered this as he sat in a hard church pew, staring at the too-small coffin at the front of the room like the force of his gaze could somehow bring Donna back, when he was suddenly and viciously jealous of everyone who lived without connection to anyone else.

Tagging: @thewanderingace @set-phasers-to-whump @catsafari25 @loves-2-read @januarydivide @personinthepalace and anyone else who wants to do this! 

[appalachianapologies]

Dialogue from the prompts: “what do you need? another blanket, some tea? wait, i'll just go get both."

“What do you need? Another blanket? Maybe some tea?” Before Mac can even think of an answer, let alone open his mouth, Bozer shakes his head and continues, “You know what- I’m just gonna grab both.” He then shoots out of the room, shoulder clipping the edge of the frame.

After a few seconds pass, Mac blinks, “I’m fine, thanks.”

Sitting beside him, Riley looks between Mac and the now empty door jamb. “Okay… So, that was not normal. Even for Boze.”

“He’s just worried,” Mac replies with a sigh, sinking into his bed.

“Yeah, but he’s never been like that.”

“Not that you can remember.”

“What are you talking about?”

The answer isn’t exactly something that can easily be explained, especially not when Mac’s still feeling a little loopy, but he’s already volunteered enough information that Riley’s going to pester him until he spits it out. “Boze’s motherhenning tendencies kind of have a scale to them.”

“What does that even mean?”

“It means,” Mac starts, “That after James left, Bozer got super protective. And the same thing happened when my grandpa got sick.”

Riley’s face betrays the exact moment that the pieces fall into place. “And this is the first time that you’ve gotten sick since Jack left.”

It’s not a question, but Mac answers it anyway. “Yeah.”

“Oh.”

“It’s fine, though,” Mac quickly amends. “It’s nice, and it’ll stop in a few weeks.”

“He cares a lot about you.”

With a small smile, Mac nods. “Yeah, he does. We both do.”

“I’m glad you guys had each other when you were growing up.”

“Me too.”

A small crash from the kitchen cuts off any future words, ending with a muffled curse and a shout of, “It’s all good!”

Mac’s grin grows a little. “Once a big brother, always a big brother.”

these prompts

[cherryfabi]

Model!Y/N and Boxer!Harry argue and “break up” just before Boxer! H has a boxing match

Word Count: 3.4k

Summary: Model!Y/N and Boxer!Harry argue and break up just before Boxer! H has a boxing match. Boxer! H loses the match and ends up in the hospital. (HAPPY ENDING)

Warning: Smut, swearing, it's not proofread, idk what else. 

Y/N knew what she was getting into when she said yes when Harry proposed. Ever since she started dating him, she knew what she was signing up for. She was well aware of the implications of Harry's work. He was a famous boxer, which came with a lot of dangers.

Harry has told Y/N several times before that she shouldn't come to his matches. He knows she always got a bit scared when he got his ass beaten up in the ring. When his opponent pouched him harshly, he always heard her scream his name. All of this made Harry not want her there. But Y/N being the stubborn woman she is, Y/N refused to listen to Harry and kept on attending all of his fights, whether he liked it or not.

See, the thing is that she knows that Harry loves boxing, that’s why she wanted to be there with him. Even if a part of her was still afraid that something terrible could happen, she wanted to see him doing what he loved the most.

Harry had never lost a fight. He was known as one of the best boxers in the world for a reason. He would always say that he never lost because his muse, Y/N, was there.

Y/N was helping tape Harry’s fingers. She always helped him with this.

“I appreciate you being here, but sometimes I really wish you would just not come.” Harry said.

“Harry,” She scolded.

“Sorry, love, but I don’t like you being here, in this environment.” He signed. “I do like that you are always here for me, but I don’t like you watching when they beat me up. You’re my sweet precious girl, don’t like you watching the whole fight.”

“Harry we’ve been over this more than one time.” She sighed in frustration. “I love you and I knew what I was getting into when you-”

“If you’d love me you would make this less tough for me, you would hear me out and would not come.” He raised his voice. “Also, don’t you see how all men here want you. They are always trying to have their way with you while I’m on the match.”

She stayed silent for some seconds. She couldn’t believe the words that had just come out of Harry’s mouth. “Harry, you’re acting like they had a chance with me when we both know that’s not true, I only love you-”

“Do you?” He raised his eyebrow.

“I can’t believe you’re doubting my love for you right now.” She answered angrily. “We’re engaged and we’ve been through a lot together, and you have the audacity to question my love and faithfulness to you? Fuck you, Harry.”

Y/N stood up from the bench they were sat on, and started to walk towards the door of his dressing room.

“Y/N wait, I’m sorry, I just-”

Y/N just turned her face around. “Your words really hurted, Harry. If you think I don’t love you enough, then I think we should end this.”

“No, Y/N-”

“I’m leaving, Harry.” She firmly said. “Here’s the ring.” She said, removing the ring from her finger and giving it back to Harry. He shook his head. “It’s yours.” He whispered.

“Good luck on your match, H”

And that’s all she said before she left.

Harry had the ring in his palm. The ring that she was supposed to have for the rest of her life. The ring that showed that Y/N was his.

His worst nightmare had come true: Y/N had left, and the worst part was that he couldn’t run after her because he had a fight in a few minutes, and probably Y/N wouldn't want to hear him out right now.

“Harry, in 5 minutes it’ll start, come on, we need to go.” His couch said.

__

Harry was unable to focus throughout the fight. His mind was just worrying about Y/N.

Most of those who were watching the fight supported Harry, they all screamed when Harry hit Mick (the other bozer). People were shouting Harry's name all around.

Until Harry fell to the ground. Harry had already lost in less than five minutes. He knew he was going to lose, but that was the last thing on his mind right now.

And this was the first time Harry had lost a fight.

Y/N was not there; she had left tim. His inspiration was not there. She had promised to be by his side at all times, but she wasn't. She wasn't there when he needed her the most.

Harry was badly hurt. The paramedic at the boxing match rushed over to assist him. Harry was lying on the floor, where his opponent had left him.

His whole face was dripping with blood. Blood was pouring out of his nose, and blood was pouring out of his mouth without stopping. Harry passed out seconds later.

__

It's been three days since the fight. It has been three days since Harry has been unconscious in the hospital. It's been three days since Y/N broke up with Harry. It's been three days since Y/N has been in the hospital, waiting for Harry to wake up.

That’s right, she’s here, next to him, waiting for him to wake up. She was called as soon as Harry arrived at the hospital.

She couldn't believe what they were saying. How is it that Harry, one of the greatest boxers in the world, is now in a critical condition in the hospital? She asked herself. She may have broken up with him, but she still loves and cares about him.

During these days she has hardly slept. She feels guilty, she is almost certain that this is her fault. Her only wish is for Harry to recover. Doctors also assured her that he is very unlikely to die, but that it is possible. She needs him to recover, she wants to fix things with Harry. Sure, she knows that what he said wasn't right, but at least she wants to talk to him about what happened. She doesn't want to live with the burden of knowing that Harry died because of her.

Harry slowly opened his eyes. He was coming back to life. Harry inspected where he was. The last thing he remembers was how a paramedic approached where he was on the floor of the boxing ring. He also remembers how every molecule in his body ached.

He was confused right now, and his body still ached.

“Harry?” He heard a familiar female voice calling him.

He tried to smile when he saw Y/N, but he couldn't because of his stitches.

“You’re up! How are you feeling?” She asked, taking his hand in hers.

He just nodded.

“I'll call a doctor to come see you.” Y/N said, and he nodded again.

When the doctor came, Y/N was next to Harry. Harry’s hand looked for Y/N’s.

“How are you feeling?” The doctor asked Harry.

“My body hurts a little, but apart from that, I feel fine.” Harry answers with difficulty. He could barely speak, his face ached, and he couldn't open his mouth properly.

“Okay, I think you’ll be able to leave tomorrow. How does that sound?” The doctor asked Harry.

“Sounds perfect.” He said.

When the doctor left, after finished checking up on Harry, Y/N and Harry were left alone. Both of them knew that they needed to have a chat with each other, but none of them seemed to have the courage of bringing it up, until Harry did.

“I’m happy you’re awake. I’ve been here for the last three days-”

“I’m sorry.” Harry mumbled.

“No, don't worry about it. Here they gave me food and-” Harry interrupted.

“No, not about this. Well, I do appreciate it, but I’m apologizing for what I said to you that day.” He paused. “I know what I said was wrong, I shouldn't have said that. I know you would never cheat on me, but I was upset- I know that does not justify my actions and I understand if you no longer want to be with me, but forgive me, please?”

“Don’t worry, I forgive you, and I’m sorry for what I said as well.” She sighed.

“But will you take me back? It doesn’t have to be now, but-”

“Har, let's talk about this another time, now I need you to recover. Then we'll see what happens between us, yeah?” She smiled, running her fingers through his hair.

“Okay,” He murmured.

__

Some months have passed since Harry had his accident.

Y / N offered to help him while he recovered, but she told him that she still didn't want to go back to him, at least not right away. She lived in their house, but they didn't sleep together. Harry slept in the master bedroom, while Y / N slept in the guest bedroom.

It’s been working like this since Harry came back from the hospital. Now, the incident was in the past. Harry had fully recovered and was stronger than ever, but he has not returned to the boxing ring yet.

He decided to take a couple of months to recover, something that clearly didn't make Harry's trainer happy, but Harry didn't feel like going back after what happened. Maybe in a few months, but at the moment Harry had no plans of returning. This made Y/N happy, she also wanted Harry to take time off, to be honest she liked it this way. She liked seeing Harry without any bruises on his face.

But most importantly, she loved that Harry was with her every day, all day. He no longer went to the gym, or to practice, he just stayed with her all day. They went for a walk three days a week to burn some calories, but that was about it for them in terms of physical activity.

Harry wanted to speak to her about what would happen with them. He wanted to know if Y / N still wanted to be with him, he wanted to know if she would accept him again as her fiancé, but he didn't know how to bring this up to her.

Until one day Harry decided to bring it up. They were both watching a movie. Harry and Y/N were sitting side by side, but keeping some distance. (This distance of course killed them both, but they couldn't do anything, they were not dating atm.)

“Y/N?” Harry called her.

“Yeah?” She turned to look at him, Harry was facing his lap, playing with his fingers.

“Have you ever-” He cleared his throat. “Have you never considered the possibility of getting back with me during these last months?”

This took Y/N by surprise. Sure, since the day she saw Harry in the hospital she has wanted to get back with him, but of course she wasn't going to admit it to him.

Since Y / N didn't respond, Harry continued to speak.

“C’mon, love. We have both forgiven each other and we’ve worked everything through.” He stood up from the couch and knelt in front of her and took both of her hands in his.

“Y/N, I don't know how many times I am going to have to apologize for what I said to you that day, but I will apologize as many times as it is necessary. I love you, Y/N. Tell me what I have to do to get you back, tell me and I’ll do it. I know I fucked up, but I promise that I’ll never do or say something like that ever again. I love you, fuck, I love you so much it hurts.” He started.

Her eyes watered when she heard Harry say this.

“I immediately regretted saying those words to you after voicing them.” He continued. “I know you blame yourself for what happened to me, but don't do it, it's not your fault. After all, it was me who did everything wrong, I deserved it.Please, I need you as my fiancée, not as my ex-fiancée or as a friend. You have no idea how difficult it is for me to look into your lovely eyes and know that I cannot kiss you, know that you are no longer mine. You are what keeps me sane, baby. Please, be mine again? Y/N, please. You’re my everything.” Harry cried.

You were both now a crying mess, because you both could feel it. The two of you knew that you'd both been wasting all of this time when you both knew you were meant to be together.

“Okay,” Y/N replied.

“You take me back?” He asked, making sure he didn’t misheard what she said.

She nodded.

Harry stood up and immediately kissed her.

“Thank you, Y/N. Thank you, my love.” He said, leaning to kiss her again. “I love you so fucking much. I couldn’t go another day without you as my partner.”

__

Both of them then went back to their room and got ready to go to sleep.

All Y/N wanted to do was cuddle and fall asleep in her fiance’s arms. She craved it. She craved being in his arms again, it had been a while since this happened, they both needed it.

“C’mere” Harry opened his arms so that Y/N could cuddle with him. “I love you, baby, so so much.”

See, they were your typical couple who couldn't seem to get enough of each other. They were always hugging, holding hands, kissing, or doing more intimate things like cockwarming or having sex to show how much they loved each other.

They both began kissing passionately. It had been a while, and both were craving being together physically again.

“I’ll be forever grateful that you took me back.”Harry said to her in between kisses. She smiled. “But I want something else now.” He said.

“Oh, and what would that be?” Y/N asked innocently.

Harry started to remove Y/N’s pajamas.

“I think you already know the answer to that question.” Harry responds, running his gaze over Y/N's half naked body. "I'm only going to one place, love, and that place is between your legs." Harry says, gently biting Y/N's shoulder.

Y/N closes her eyes, absorbing the pleasure from Harry's lips and little bites he was leaving on her skin. She had missed this, well, she had missed everything they used to do. But she missed being this close to him, being this intimate with him.

Harry starts to kiss her soft lips, his hand now tangled in her hair. Kissing her like he couldn't get enough.

Harry pulls away from her and his eyes immediately go down to her exposed breasts, and his pupils dilate with excitement. One of his hands grabs her breast and gently pinches her nipple causing Y/N to curve her back.

“Tits so nice baby, so perky and hard for me.” His mouth goes to her other breast and she feels the wetness of his tongue against her nipple and feels how it moves in circles. “I could spend all night on your tits alone, but I know you’re aching between your legs.”

“Yes, H. I need you.” She answers him.

“What am I going to do with you today?” Harry asks, biting your right nipple lightly before moving his head downwards, where you desperately need it.  “Have a couple of ideas.”

Harry spreads her legs and Y/N feels his breath right on her crotch.

“Fuck, you look so pretty all spead open for me, kinda missed this view. Can’t believe this is all mine, isn’t it, baby?” Harry groans once his tongue comes in contact with her clit.

Y/N screams with pleasure when she feels Harry's tongue, his tongue making wonders on her clit as his fingers tease her entrance.

“Yes, fuck, H. It’s all yours.” She said between moans.

Harry starts to thrust his finger fast inside of her, curling his finger just the way he knows she likes. All of this while still sucking on her little clit. Y/N remains her eyes closed, enjoying the feeling of Harry’s tongue and fingers.

“Tell me, baby. Tell me how am I making you feel?” He asked.

“So fucking good, H, don’t stop please.” She begged.

Y/N opens her eyes and turns to see him, and he looks back at her, and that is all Y/N needs to come. And she comes hard. And this is one of the reasons why Harry loved eating her out. He knows how responsive her body is to him, he just needs to make eye contact with her and she comes fast and hard.

Harry lets her recover as he licks her lips and sucks on the fingers.  “You taste amazing, baby. Missed how you tasted.”

Y/N then kneels at the height of his erection. She grabs it and jerks it slightly. Y/N runs her thumb over his tips and instantly earns a beautiful noise from him, and he closes his eyes in pleasure.

“Y/N, please, do something,” Harry says before she takes him in her mouth.

She continues with the same movements and watches as he slowly starts to get desperate. She uses her tongue now, circling his tip and she starts to move up and down. Y/N slides it slowly into her mouth and takes it deep down her throat. Then, Harry grabs her head with his hands and pulls her away from his cock.

“Love your mouth, but I need to be inside you, now.” He growled.

Y/N nodded and she laid on her stomach. Her butt was raised to the level of his waist. Harry runs his hand down her back making Y/N shudder, and when he reaches her butt, he slams into her without warning and she clenches around him. When she does this, she hears Harry mutter a quick fuck underneath his breath.

In no time both of them are a moaning mess.

Y/N bites the inside of her mouth and her eyes go blank. She feels it so deep. Harry was big, making the experience painfully pleasurable and even though they have done this a billion times before, she is still not used to him.

“You feel so so good, baby.” Harry said and Y/N moaned in response. Harry always said that he loved taking her from behind, he says that he feels it deeper this way. Y/N loved it as well, she loved Harry taking control over her.

Harry's movements get faster and faster and Y/N's moans get louder and louder.

In no time, Y/N feels a familiar build in her stomach.

“I’m about to come.” Y/N says in between moans.

“Come for me, love.” Harry said.

One of Harry's hands grabs her waist and with his other hand he tries to find her clit. And that’s all she needed to get there again.

She clenches around his while she comes, making Harry groan. She felt so sensitive that just a touch makes her entire body twitch.

Soon after she feels him twitching inside of her and she hears how his growns start to get louder. He comes deep inside of her. She feels his cum spill into her in long warm spurts.

Harry pulls out and Y/N immediately feels an emptiness, which makes her groan softly.

Harry laid back down next to her and hugged her. Both try to recover their breaths in silence.

“That was amazing.” Harry says to her.

“Yeah.” Y/N agrees.

They shared a quick peck. “Thank you for being mine again.”

“I love you, H.” She pecks his lips again.

“Wait,” he said, reaching for something from the nightstand with the arm that wasn't holding Y/N. “Does that mean you’ll be my fiancee again?” He asked, showing her the engagement ring.

“Yes, of course, H.” She said, he slides the ring on her finger. “I’m sorry for being so dramatic that day.”

“Don’t worry, love. Let’s just forget about it, yeah?” He said, cuddling her again.

She nodded. “I love you so, so much.”

“I love you, more. Good night, baby.” He said, before kissing her good night.  

[just-a-fangirl13]

Thoughts & Theories about MacGyver 5x10 [MacRiley]

HOLY SHIT! 

This episode was absolutely INSANE. Im writing out my thoughts once and for all because I need to stop thinking about everything that happened (I highly doubt I will be able to but here's to trying)

SPOILERS FOR 5x10 OFCOURSE

Straight off the bat, I was screaming *internally* and yelling at Mac when he showed the diamond to Bozer. I suspected it yesterday when we got the snippet of Murdoc saying the words DIAMOND and RING with extra emphasis..(everyone on twitter said I was jumping to conclusions.. I thought so too honestly) But damn I did NOT expect them to actually do that!

Now here's why I am not mad about it anymore. [this is my interpretation you are free to disagree]

Firstly, when Mac told Bozer he was going to propose he didnt say I’m doing it because I love Desi or I want to spend the rest of our lives together or because she’s the one (doesn't mean he doesnt care for her ofcourse)

He said “Ever since I lost my dad & Jack, I have been thinking about the bigger picture and a commitment to make things work is exactly what Desi and I need right now. A grand romantic gesture.” He wanted to propose for stability so he could finally be on the same page with her. They never really defined their relationship before and this was a way for Mac to final bring it together. A grand romantic gesture is usually something people use to win their partners back which is what Mac was trying to do I guess. It almost sounds like he has to do it so he doesn't lose her again 

(ill get to my second reason in the end)

Then ofcourse Bozer tells Riley about it so she can be prepared. Bozer is such a good friend. He is supportive of Mac AND wants to protect Riley. I love him for it! He really is doing everything to be the best friend he can to both of them. (Leannas death was so painful and I just want to hug him but thankfully Riley had that covered.)

Next we get the BIG REVEAL. The moment all of us had been waiting for. 

The moment that SHOOK Angus MacGyver and CHANGED EVERYTHING!

Rileys Feelings!

“You want me to say it out loud? Fine. Yes I had feelings for Mac. There I said it. and yeah watching him and Desi together was breaking my heart so I moved out of his house. I should have said something to him a long time ago but I didn’t and now its over. ”

I had the opposite of a HEART ATTACK! (my heart rate was through THE ROOF!)

I have to say they really really outdid themselves on this reveal. 

SIDE NOTE: If anyone comes for Riley and tries to call her a slut or a home wrecker? You will have me to deal with. Even after Murdoc played the clip of her confession she still tried to deny it and brush it off so it wouldn't complicate things for Mac and Desi. If Riley had wanted, she could have easily told Mac this to his face while he was dating Desi and then let things happen from there but she DIDNT. She kept that secret buried so deep she herself was in denial.

(also if anyone calls Mac a player or anything like that.. I will end you. He is doing his best to deal with everything that has happened to him and people keep giving him shit for it....)

Anyways, we see Mac’s expression & he is just confused and shocked and clearly not trying to think about it because it changed EVERYTHING for him. 

[Murdoc saying I THINK IM ON TEAM RILEY was a HUGE HIGHLIGHT for me! I love him so damn much!]

Desi took it really well too actually. If they keep going down this road of growth and maturity for her I think I could actually like her again. (Russ too when he apologised to Bozer) 

She didnt throw a hissy fit or say I knew it or look at Riley like she was the villain. She focused on the mission & I respect her for that.

(Riley does say, “the next thing you are going to hear on that recording-” and then gets cut off by Desi.. If this will come into play at some point later on or if it was just her trying to explain herself, remains to be seen.)

Then after the climax, we finally hear Riley say the words to Mac in real time and we get our FIRST MacRiley hug of the season! 

At this point I thought they would agree to be friends and make the friendzone thing clear BUT NOPE. (you have no idea how happy I am about it not going down like that!)

I was also a puddle on the floor. SO

“Mac look-”

“You don’t have to say anything if you dont want to. Really.”

“I want to. Last year in Germany. I realised I was starting to have feelings for you. Real feelings. I didnt want to make anything weird between you and Desi. I didnt want to mess up our work or our friendship so I decided to bury it. Until the feelings passed.”

“Emotions aren’t a science. You can’t control them.”

Gosh they are so perfect together! The way they look at each other and the HUG! OH MY GOD THE HUG! Its just perfection.

Now we also see this from Desi’s POV. Again no anger or jealousy from her. I think it was an understanding. She realised that she and Mac were never going to work.. maybe a little pain but honestly everything that went down with her and Mac was her fault too. The lack of trust and understanding was always a problem for them. Sure, things were going well but she didnt seem like she was ready for a commitment if im being honest. If Mac had proposed I think Desi would have said no.(again nothing wrong with that) 

She didnt want to label their relationship..they haven't said the words I love you to each other and I dont think they even live together. It really was way too sudden.(these are just things im assuming people define how well a relationship is going by.. I have no experience.)

Then ofcourse we have what im calling the goodbye scene. Its the break up before the break up in my opinion.

Desi tells Mac that they should pretend the last 24 hours never happened (that might actually include Mac wanting to propose but make of it what you will..) and that they should have a clean slate. But its very clear from Mac’s face and Desi sees it too that he isnt 100% onboard with it. He cant forget about it.

Which is when Desi says “Look Mac just do whatever you feel is right” and Mac looks confused.

She then gives him a goodbye kiss. 

Look if you have ever watched any show/movie before where the characters are saying goodbye to each other or breaking each others hearts...THERE IS ALWAYS A KISS ON THE CHEEK. A final farewell of sorts. 

That is what it seemed like to me. It was Desi telling Mac to do what he has to. Even if it inevitably leads to their break up.

Again real emotional maturity from Desi here!

Then we get the scene, Monica Macer (the show runner) tweeted about back in December.

Mac knocking on someones door. If im being honest? I thought it was Desi’s place and he was going to propose...

BUT it turned out to be Riley’s.

Mac clearly hasn't stopped thinking about what happened. I wouldnt either if my best friend who has put her life on the line for me and trusts me 100%, now has feelings for me? That would turn my world upside down too.

especially if I had feelings for her that I buried so deep that I never acknowledged them.

Also this is my scenario for how their first kiss goes down just FYI.. (Mac showing up at Rileys doorstep and finally confessing his feelings and kissing her *probably won't happen that way now though, but I still love it*)

Mac hesitates for a second before finally knocking on her door.

“Mac? Everything okay?”

“I can’t pretend like the last 24 hours didnt just happen. They did. So I gotta ask. Did it work?”

“Did what work?”

“Hiding your emotions and letting it pass. Did they go away?”

and I proceeded to pass out. My brain just checked out...

Now initially in all my freaking out I thought Mac was asking Riley about his feelings. If HE buried them deep enough would he still be able to move on with Desi but then I rewatched it and I realised he was asking RILEY if her feelings were still there, if there was still a possibility of something ever happening. 

She never told him its all good now! my feelings are gone and it was a long time ago. She told him she buried it but he needed to know if a future with Riley was something tangible. 

BASICALLY ANGUS MACGYVER ASKED RILEY DAVIS IF SHE WAS STILL IN LOVE WITH HIM. *I think I need to go to a hospital now*

So this was my second reason for not being annoyed about the proposal. The writers used it to show what a huge impact it would have on Mac. How much Rileys feelings would actually mean to him. the GAME CHANGER it would be.

A friend of mine said it was kinda funny and a little jarring but I liked it. (I could have done without the proposal) But I understand why they did it. They couldnt have Mac and Desi break up the same day Riley’s feelings came out because then people would hate Mac. They had to make him want to take the next step with Desi but then drop a bomb on him, that would make him question everything.

Again this is what I took away from it.

BUT GOSH WAS THIS EPISODE AMAZING!

I do get that some people are not happy with this and some said it was too sudden *not like we’ve been waiting since season 1 or anything* but I think after 5x11 things will slow down again. Mac may break up with Desi only at the end of the season when he finally comes to terms with his feelings. (Some people are still cautious and I get it but after everything that just happened I find it hard to believe that Mac and Riley won't end up together after all.. not to mention the leaked script conversation between Mac and Riley from 5x15)

Now I dont know how the final scene ends.. they definitely dont get called away for their solo mission immediately after because Mac’s cheek injury is relatively healed in this stills, which means Riley does answer Mac’s question. She may try to avoid it or deflect but he is standing right there so...who knows.

Next weeks episode is a MacRIley solo mission and lets just say things definitely are heating up a bit..*wink wink*

YUP IM HYPED. 

BRING ON THE SEXUAL TENSION AND THE ANGST!

[refinedbuffoonery]

Quarantine Moments (11)

Another one based on real life! The boy next door just did this to me. 

*****

The front door flings open, nearly hitting Riley while she vacuums the entryway. Well, it’s more dance party than cleaning, but the boys don’t need to know that. She switches off the vacuum, annoyed at the interruption. 

Bozer waltzes inside, holding something in a closed fist. “Riley, take this.” 

“What is it?”

“Just take it,” he insists. 

Riley frowns. “It’s a bug, isn’t it.”

“No! Don’t you trust me?” Bozer feigns outrage. “You’d take it if I were Mac.”

“That’s because I trust Mac,” she says matter-of-factly. 

“I’m offended! I’m your brother.”

Riley narrows her eyes. “Exactly.” 

“I promise it’s not a bug.” 

“It better not be.” This is probably a mistake, but Riley holds out her palms anyway. Maybe she’s wrong. Maybe it’s something really cool. 

Bozer drops it in her hands, and Riley knows he’s a fucking liar even before the grin erupts on his face. 

There’s a lizard in her palms. 

“FUCK YOU!” she screams, throwing the lizard at him, desperate to get rid of it as quickly as possible. 

It’s Bozer’s turn to shriek as the tiny reptile flies through the air, hurdling toward his face. Bozer barely manages to duck out of the way in time. It lands on the kitchen floor, and Riley swears it’s glaring at them. 

“I hate you,” Riley mutters. She glares at Bozer, wishing she could shoot lasers out of her eyes or something. She’s going to kill him. Slowly. Very, very slowly. “You get to take that thing outside where it belongs.” 

Bozer cackles as he gets on his hands and knees, but his amusement is cut short when the lizard evades his grasp for the third time. 

Fourth time. 

Fifth time. 

Riley leans against the counter, content to watch Bozer struggle. She doesn’t miss his muttered, Get back here you little shit. Crossing her arms, Riley snorts. “Serves you right, asshole.” 

“Shut up. You know how Mac feels about lizards in the house. He’s going to kill us.” 

“Oh no.” Riley grins wickedly. “He’s going to kill you.” 

[angus-macintosh-gyver]

(6/6) The Rest

Murdoc looks so annoyed at Andrews monologuing. He's literally counting down the minutes until he gets to shoot him. I mean look:

I'm sorry but the whole scene where Murdoc outed Mac going to marry Desi and Riley's feelings for Mac? I cringed. It was hard to watch. Not because of bad writing, I think, but because I felt for the chsracters I little too much. If I was Riley, I probably would've jumped off the building to get away.

Murdoc! Is! Team! Riley!!!!!!! Yessssssss

Mac using the ring to get through the glass? Yep. Saw that coming. I still love it tho

Andrews having Mac killed to join Codex? No surprise there.

Now, Murdoc actually going to kill Mac, thay was a surprise. One which I don't like. I mean, he had a little speech about Mac being his companion (or something) and a little monologue about their times together (he really cannot get over the wine bottle thing huh) but I still don't stan. We went from Murdoc calling Mac, Uncle Mac and basically saying he's part of the family to having Murdoc attempt murder? What? No. it does not fit.

LEANNA IS DEAD??? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 😭😭😭😭 Bozer I am so sorry. They should've brought her back. Now Team Titans is forever lost *sobs*

Bozer saving the day by f*cking with the coms? I love it. Double O'Boze!!!!!

The confession/MacRiley hug was nice, and it had been coming for awhile. I'm alright with it. However the way the camera cut to Desi when they hugged... I swear if there's more drama I am going to scream.

Desi saying that they can just forget the last 24 hours.. is unhealthy. Mac nearly died in those 24 hours, and ALOT of secrets came up putting tension on the team. They need to talk about this, not just shove it down unhealthily.

Okay so for the last scene, I have to say this first. Mac was drinking, and then he drove to Riley's place?? No. Unless that was the 0 alcohol beer, I don't care Mac you do not drink and drive!!!!!!!! It was not cool of the writers to do this, at all.

Mac's first words to Riley being that he can't forget about the past 24 hours when Desi just said to forget about it aldhskdbsmjxhskshd LOOOOK all the more reason why macdesi cannot work.

Okay so Mac asking Riley if burying her feelings worked makes me want to think thats what he did? And its further supported by the previous scene in ep 6(?) when Mac said they had a moment. Also I forget which ep this was but then they were on the picnic blanket with the telescope.

Second last but not least, DHKAHDKSHDKSHZKS THEY FUCKING TEASED US AKDHSKDHSKHDKSHDJSHDKDHSJDJJSDHJS NOT COOL, WRITERS, NOT COOL AT ALL.

Finally... last episode we acknowledged that Mac was having panic attacks and desperately needed therapy. WHERE DID THAT PLOT LINE GO??? Where is Mac's therapy??? Mhmmmm???? Did it ascend into outer space and then blip into the void????? I am not happy about this. He needs serious help!!! #MacTherapy!!!!!

[ftstorm]

My take on 5x10

Welp, that was a big one!

You know, before going into this episode I reminded myself this was the first episode of a new era, the first episode completely made by the new team.

So with that in mind my expectations were "Okay, let's see what they've got."

And oh boy did they surprise me.

DISCLAIMER: this text post is long af, not kidding.

1. THE INTRO SCENE.

You guys have no idea how glad I am that we got Mac doing a usual MacGyvering in his house. It's been ages since they implemented this format of showing his dynamics outside Phoenix and around his house.

I wasn't worried about the proposal thing at all. Guys, you have to accept that MacRiley was always going to happen after that 4x04 episode.

There was also the fact that this was the intro scene (usually the most important plot issues happen in the outro scene), Bozer's weird reaction and the melancholic audio cue.

If that proposal was happening, they would've made it more uplifting.

(I gotta say that watching Monica Marcer and the official MacGyver account making damage control in Twitter 3mins into the episode was a funny experience)

So my initial questions about Mac wanting to propose were: "what are his motivations?" and "how is this not going to work out by the end of the episode?"

The second question we got the answer later on. The first question remains unanswered. If we take on Mac's words, he says:

Mac: Unexpected, I know, I know. But that's why I like about it. You know ever since I lost my dad and Jack I've been thinking about the bigger picture. A commitment to make things work it's exactly what Desi and I need. A grand romantic gesture. *cue melancholic music*

Here we're presented with a bunch of things worth analysing, in my opinion.

He's trying to see the "bigger picture" which, for me, it means he's trying to tackle down different issues from his life with one specific, efficient action [the proposal]. Those issues being:

> his current romantic relationship: make is aware they have an inconsistent relationship > his performance at work: he needs balance between his personal affairs and his work, which is based on saving the world in a daily basis and for that he needs to be focused. > dealing with his past losses: to my understanding, saying "ever isn I lost my dad and Jac I've been thinking about the bigger picture" means that he doesn't want hopelessness to take over him, he wants to keep on moving and being proactive about his life.

So... you have to understand that in some sort of way, this proposal thing is a signal that Mac is healing. In some sort of way, if you were in Mac's shoes you would see that it was a positive thing for him. A step forward.

The thing is, we [the audience] have an extended understanding of the situation and we know that an engagement would be an incredibly rushed decision.

As well as it is that Mac's trying to move forward, he obviously hasn't been able to pinpoint the true issue behind his relationship with Desi. He isn't wrong about them lacking in the commitment department, but forcing the relationship to scalate isn't the right move. He should be asking himself: "Why are we avoiding commitment?"

And that's when he'd find out that they have very deep and important trust and communication issues.

~~~~

2. Moving on. MURDOC.

Russ: I can process it more efficiently by having it all spread out ahead me, you know. I reckon see the bigger picture at once.

This is when I realized that the episode was centered on this whole "bigger picture" idea. Russ struggles to see the full picture until the very end and Mac finds out that he hasn't been seeing the full picture of his life at all by the end of the episode.

Fast forward, the team's in Mexico, Riley knows about the ring already and she has already had the talk with Bozer in which she refers to her feelings for Mac in a past tense.

Then Murdoc appears.

And as if the episode wasn't already a rollercoaster after Mac's reveal, now Murdoc shows up to put everything upside down.

First I gotta say, man Dastmalchian is SUCH A GOOD MURDOC. Excellent actor. The way he delivers his lines, his facial expressions, all of it make an original and very entertaining Murdoc.

He always gives me such a Andrew Scott's Moriarty vibes and I love it.

Secondly, his dynamic with Andrews: *cheff kiss*

I loved how Andrews was so over Murdoc's theatrics, to the point his facial expression screamed "Why did I even reclute this guy" LOL.

Back to the story.

This is something I was hoping it wouldn't happen but at the same time I don't see another way it could've happened which is the explanation behind Murdoc's escape and how Phoenix didn't know about it.

Because what they told us is that the FBI didn't let them in on Murdoc's escape, right? Does that imply that the FBI has a corrupt agent in charge? Does it imply that the order of not letting Phoenix in came from above? Maybe someone with higher clearence than Matty? A politician? Governement conspiracy?

It smells like plot hole, tbh. I feel like the Murdoc's escape is a classic "it is what it is". We'll see if they come back to this in later episodes.

~~~~

3. BIG SECRET REVEAL 1.

By now we're at the point of the rollercoaster where you're going up and up and up. Your tension building more and more as you're getting close to the drop.

Bozer and Riley's audio was the drop.

You know, during this scene I jumped from my seat, closed my eyes, cringed, squealed, my heart accelarated, forgot how to breathe...

As a person who is a little bit bipolar when it comes to romance (I can be very shy about it or very outspoken about it) that scene made me SO UNCOMFORTABLE.

Imagine having your feelings exposed not only to the person you have feelings for but also his girlfriend who happens to be your friend, your boss and the criminal that's threatening to kill hundreds of people.

I was like: "Not like this!!"

And Mac's reaction didn't help because of the lack of it. I don't know what I expected but his slightly monotone reaction broke my heart.

Thankfully, I've recovered since then and I don't mind that it happened that way.

Still, imagine how suffocating it must've been for Riley. That idea was what made me so uncomfortable and I think that's what they were going for. They wanted to make it as straightforward and awkward as possible.

But it doesn't end there. It's followed by Mac revealing the ring to Desi (and Riley). Mac's in "fuck it" mood and Desi kinda panics.

Little side note here, using GUM and a DIAMOND to break a bullet proof glass... BIG YES. That's an intrinsic MacGyverism.

~~~~

4. BIG SECRET REVEAL 2.

Then we get a breather from this drama by introducing another drama, Leanna's death.

Bozer's reaction to the news was heartbreaking for my already heartbroken heart.

I have my suspicions as to why they decided to kill her... The other episode completely made by the new team was the Quarantine one (5x06). During that episode Mac and Bozer bond over Bozer's pain. After learning about Bozer's mom, Mac chooses to share a piece of his own pain with him.

So, hear me out, I think they writers are planning to help Mac process his own grief THROUGH Bozer's grief. Keep in mind that we still have a Bozer centered episode coming up.

This is just a theory. I may be wrong, but I think it may be right too.

Back to the episode.

Once again we see a three dimensional Russ. He does something accordingly to his own judgement thinking it's the right decision [hiding Leanna's death], he realizes he screwed up, he gives Bozer a very heartfelt apology about it.

Henry's acting talent shone with this narrative. Actually, most of the actors had the chance to shine THANKS to the NARRATIVE. Murdoc, Andrews, Desi, Mac, Russ and Bozer... they all had their highlight moments (I'll talk about Riley later).

Parenthesis here... THE NARRATIVE HAS RETURNED THEIR SOULS TO OUR DEAR CHARACTERS!

WOW, they aren't brooding, angry, sad or whiny ALL THE EFFIN TIME. ABOUT TIME!

~~~~

5. LAST ACT.

For the third or fouth time in this episode my heart broke again when Mac was friendly towards Riley, after she explained herself. It really felt like he was friendzoning her.

But here's something to point out. Riley visibly relaxed when he reacted that way. What does that tell us?

> She had been so tense up until that point. Imo, she's on the defensive now. You can even see it in her wardrobe, make up and hairstyle choices. They're very contrasting to Riley's most vulnerable moments in this show (like when Audrey broke up with her).

Riley has had a year to sort out her feelings. We see in this episode that she spoke about them in a past tense. Whether she achieved it or not is unknown. We just know that she has at least tried to move on.

> She was mostly afraid of ruining her close relationship with Mac (who's her only family, along with Bozer) and her friendship (?) with Desi. We've seen it over and over again: Riley DID NOT WANT to get in the middle of them.

Keep that in mind as we go in the last scene.

It took me a while to figure out a possible thread of thought inside Mac's mind. Why did he look at the ring and decided to go to Riley's house? It really didn't make sense to me.

One moment he was thinking about his proposal and somehow that lead to him having the necessity to know if Riley still had feelings for him? Why??

My theory is that he went to her apartment for permission.

His question was a way of asking Riley for permission to propose to Desi. It was a way of reassuring himself that proposing was still the right decision.

In a way, he could also be fishing for an excuse to not do it [the proposal].

Because now he has doubts. He's confused, unsure.

Mac asks:

Mac: Hiding your emotions and letting it pass. Did it go away?

What could her answer have been? Here I wanna go back again to Riley being emotionally defensive, added her strong desire of not wanting to be in the middle of Mac and Desi's relationship.

I think she would've said "Yes, it worked."

Because it also lines up with my idea that the love triangle has changed from "Riley's a better match for Mac" to "Mac needs to win Riley's heart".

Riley's done her job. She worked out her feelings. Now it's time for Mac to sort out his humongously messed up internal self and reignite her spark. That's what I think.

Also, if anyone has any idea on how the song that played in that scene relates with the moment please share it with me because I don't really understand the song choice lol.

~~~~

6. ADDITIONAL COMMENTS

Desi. I'm not sure what's going on in her mind. She seemed stressed out by the ring, very serious about Riley, lenient with Mac... I'm really not sure.

My guess would be that she doesn't want that type of commitment but she wants to be with Mac yet she can't ignore Riley so does that mean she has to end it with Mac? That's the thought process she may have had? Idk...

I'm glad they let her be mature about it, with no overreactions, no whining, no blaming, nothing of that style that we're used to see in her.

I'm also glad about that moment when she defeats Murdoc and Andrews. THAT'S HOW YOU WRITE A TOUGH DESI. It was filmed with such a gracefulness and elegance. I liked it.

From a MacDesi point of view, she's probably being open minded and giving him space and waiting for him to come back to her... but somehow I got the vibe that she's actually... running away?

Lastly but no less important.

THE HISPANIC REPRESANTION OMG. RUSS SPEAKING SPANISH AND THAT CUMBIA MUSIC FILLED MY HEART WITH SO MUCH PRIDE!!! :')

[saintsurvivors]

for @azurelacrima u know what u did

Tw major character death, jedi Mac, clone Jack, order 66 :)))))))

Mac doesn't know how long he lies on the dirt floor, spreadeagled and aching. He barely remembers how he got there, honestly, only remembers that his lightsaber had been tossed out of his hand by a blaster shot, and a follow up shot nearly having took his head off before his knee had just....buckled.

He groans quietly, his broken ribs scraping at the very inside of his chest as he tries to move. His right wrist is no doubt useless, but Mac can't find the effort to lift and turn his head to check.

He can hear his men around him, a huddle of activity as they try and get themselves on their feet. He can hear Duke flying overhead, Bung trying to get his machine gun to not rattle on every fifth rotation like he'd been complaining about in the barracks. He wonders who'd it had been to take out his left knee, to dump him on the floor and save him.

"Heya there, hoss," Bucket under his arm, lashed liberally with the fire red paint of the 336th Battalion and dirt, Marshall Commander Jack grins wildly, face upside down, a scarlet Phoenix smeared in fingerpainting across his chest armour. Macs finger prints stain whorls in the paint. In the upside down expanse of his helmet, a slender saber hilt just peaks out, Jack's twin blasters hooked on his hips. "Lookin' a little like a lost Loth-kitten there, need a hand?"

He should have known.

Mac grins just as wide, just as brightly, despite his aching ribs and hurting body. Jack puts his bucket on the ground, and his hands, for all they're armoured, are massive and gentle as he helps Mac to his feet, a steady arm around his waist. He's exceedingly warm, even through his blacks and clone armour, and Mac kind of wants to curl into his chest and fall asleep until next Primeday.

"Thanks, Jack." Mac wheezes softly, and before he can even try and press a hand to splint his ribs, Jack's hand is there, pressing gently against the long line of his torso. His gloves are gone now, leaving tanned skin and calluses as Jack sneaks a hand beneath the thick layers of Mac's jedi robes, and the armour Jack had all but forced on him. Just like Jack's, a scarlet Phoenix takes flight on battered wings, every line, every fingerprint whorl from Jack, from his men.

"We should get you over to Deac," Jack says softly, and his eyes are worried, brow knitted together as his other hand reaches up to smear away dirt and blood from Mac's eyebrow. "I'm feeling more than one broken rib right now, cyar'ika, you should get checked out."

The name that Jack calls him has something warm and languid swell up in his chest, and he sighs quietly, pressing his forehead to Jack's. The tip of their noses press together and he can smell the rationbars on Jack's breath, the flutter of his eyelashes as they just skim over Mac's own.

"I know you're tryin' to distract me, Mac, but you ain't gettin' out of seein' the medic. Deac kicked mine - and yours - last time you managed to escape him."

Mac wants to ask for a little longer, to stay here, in Jack's arms with his men surrounding them, safe and sound for a little while longer, but he knows he can't. He can't, for all that he wants to and a Jedi cannot be selfish, a Jedi cannot have attachments, and that is something Grandmaster MacGyver had tried so hard to impart on his son, especially when they'd found out that his mother had been, as Jack had spat when he'd murmured it, a dha jetii.

He should move, his weakness has no place on the battlefield, not when his men need him, for all that they'd lost very little brothers this time around, but Jack's force signature was warm and like home, wrapping around him snugly. He sighs when he hears the faint beep of an important comm. message coming from their feet, Jack's bucket beeping insistently.

The clones headsets run on a wide infrared system in their units, somewhat overwhelming to anyone who'd try to listen to it without preparation or knowing the correct frequency. Mac had been humbled when his men had offered him a headset of his own, a small thing to nestle in his ear, and that would tune to what he needed with only a touch.

He takes a step back to allow Jack to bend. He keeps an arm across his ribs and taking a tentative step to try and put pressure on his left knee. He turns when a bucket hits the floor, the rattle of a lightsaber hilt echoing it.

"Jack?"

Jack-

Jack stands still for a single moment, his eyes seemingly glassy and staring at the horizon past Mac for a second, before they seem to slide into focus.

"Traitor identified." Cold, mechanical, Jack no longer looks like his Jack. His eyes are cold, beneath an unknitted brow, jaw clenched, body straight and at attention. His bare hands look oddly delicate, human against the white and scarlet red of the armour. Mac wants to reach out, but he does so with the force instead, and it feels as if it wraps around his own throat when he feels coldness, a deep empty hole where Jack stands, once full of hope and love and laughter.

His Commander stands empty and quiet and silent, everything Jack is not.

"Jack?" Shaking, his men are the same, quiet and empty, an unending abyss of loneliness, of darkness, that has Mac's shields quivering. He hears the sound of blasters readied, the tell tale whine of them set from stun to- to-

Not even a full stride, and Jack is in front of him, cold and empty and Mac can already feel the burn of his own tears. His men surround him, and as a quiet dawning sense of danger crawls up his neck, a quiet pool of resignation, of acceptance threatens to break him.

"Jedi traitor identified." Still that same, cold voice, and he flinches when those warm, big hands come up to face. For a moment, he can delude himself into thinking Jack is reaching for him, to hug him, to press their foreheads together. He wishes he could do it one last time, he wishes he could see the others again, Sam and Riley and Bozer, even Desi. He wishes he and Jack could have had the life they wanted far away from this war, far away from anything to do them harm.

He wishes-

Those hands are on his throat, and though the Force screams, and his kyber crystal wails, he refuses. He made a promise to never hurt his men, his brothers and beloved. He wishes-

He wishes-

His breath comes in ragged gasps, wheezing. A line of fire as his ribs grate against one another. His fingers scrabble at Jack's arms, the curve of his chest.

He wishes-

Something cracks in the very back of his neck. He goes loose and limp, fingers finding soft purchase in the between chest and blacks.

"I-I'm so-sorry-"

Those hand release. Mac can't draw breath, chest refusing to heave-

Jack, cold and empty and faceless, steps back. The clatter of a lightsaber hilt falling to the floor as Jack picks up his bucket. His careless step as it breaks beneath his weight-

He wishes-

He hopes Jack knows its not his fault.

His head falls.

[axelblueword]

What is love?

I have made and discard love in a thousand words, in theories that burn my eyelashes just to answer a simple question, what is love?

I could say that love once knew him but then I rethink and say that I never knew him

I have been with different women that you can say I cared about but I did not get to love them in the way I should and I know for sure that they did not love me either.

It was until I met Riley Davis that something in me felt different and strange, I don't understand what it was and the question in my head became clear, is it that what I feel is love

For years I tried to know what that feeling was but I always told myself that it was only a feeling of friends or familiarity but I knew perfectly well that it was not.

Until very late I realized that I fell in love with her but I preferred not to say anything so as not to risk everything I had with her for an absurd feeling

When I was with Desi I believed that I would finally know for sure what love is, but as much as I came to appreciate it, I knew well that what was between us was not love.

After everything that happened in the hyperbaric chamber, she and I ended everything between us and I still didn't get an answer to my question, what is love?

But I thought I might find out weeks later when Bozer helped me have the courage to ask Riley out on a date.

She was something that I could not explain in words but I knew something and it was that if someone could help me know what love is, it was Riley, she was the one who brought me to life, the most important person for me, she means everything, she is's my whole world

She felt like a déjà vu when I stopped right in front of the door of her apartment the difference was that this time she would not let my opportunity to tell her what I felt go away

I know that her feelings did not go away, I know that I am in love with her, I know that we can open that door and give ourselves the opportunity we deserve, so without hesitation I knocked on the door

But when the door opens, I feel if someone will take my heart and squeeze it with great force inside my chest.

It wasn't Riley who opened the door for me, it was a man I definitely don't know, he wasn't wearing a shirt and he was a bit misaligned

Then I misunderstood everything, her feelings if they left, now she is with another person, I am still in love with her but obviously she no longer felt the same and moved on, she could no longer open that door, there are no more opportunities for us

Maybe there never were

"I can help?" asked the man in front of me, pulling me out of my thoughts

"I wanted to talk to Riley" I said a little low

The guy smiled with amusement that made me feel hurt, his eyes fixed on me as he leaned casually against the door.

"She ..... She is a little busy at the moment" said the

I could definitely hear the sound of my heartbreaking heavy inside my chest but even though I wanted to scream and cry in pain I forced myself to smile to keep my composure

"I understand, I will talk to her at another time" I said with a trembling voice

The guy just nodded and closed the door in my face, I held back the urge to cry and just turned around to leave.

My mind was full of thoughts and I always returned to my initial question, what is love? No one ever dares to doubt him, but here I am questioning his judgment

It was then the answers came to me, I know what love is, love is loving someone regardless of whether it is reciprocal or not, she also loved me and I could never realize it

She had loved me and sacrificed her heart and her happiness as long as I was happy, she did not care if seeing me and Desi was the worst for her and now I will be the one who will keep quiet while she is happy with someone

But it's okay, because she deserves to be happy, she deserves to erase all the pain that she made her suffer, I don't care if now the one who suffers is me

It was night and the streets were empty, I only heard the slight sound of some insects around me, but then right behind me I heard a few steps

I turned around to see who she was and she was nothing more and nothing less than the woman I am completely in love with.

When she was close enough I could see that in her eyes there was a small and beautiful glow, her expression was determined and confident

What is love?

I still don't know the answer completely, but I know one thing

What is between her and me is love, it does not matter if it is love of friends

Having her love is enough for me

[bloodfromthethorn]

PTSD

Los Angeles doesn't get a lot of storms, but when it does, the Phoenix team takes notice.

Part four of the July of Whump 2021 prompt challenge.

Also on AO3. 

..

The whole team was exhausted when they filed into the War Room for debrief. Eight long days of running around Indonesia chasing a covert terrorist cell was not exactly an activity conducive to getting a good night’s rest, and all of them showed it. Of all of them, Jack was probably managing the best, his years on the job getting him comfortably into the habit of grabbing catnaps in moments of quiet, but even he was on the verge of crashing hard. Boze looked like he’d already given up the ghost and had embraced sleepwalking.

Matty eyed them all with a sort of quiet concern she very rarely let them actually see.

“I know you’re tired,” she started carefully, “So let’s keep this short. Do you have any injuries to report?”

There was a general negative hum.

“Anything outside of what I caught on comms that I need to know about?”

Again, a quiet murmur of no.

“Do any of you have any questions or concerns you wish to raise about this mission?”

This time Jack’s hum was a little more non-committal; he had every intention of bitching about the state of their non-existent intel in his report, but that could wait until he’d been unconscious for a solid 20 hours. Getting into it now would only get messy and besides, he’d bitched about it plenty on comms too.

Matty nodded sharply when none of them spoke up. No doubt she’d caught their mild discontentment, but she was smart enough to realise now was not the time to fight that particular battle. Instead, she offered them a rare smile. “I think that’s all we need to cover right now. You’ve all got the rest of the week off – go home and get some rest.”

There was an audible sigh of relief as they turned as one to leave. Of course, that had to be the moment when Matty called after them.

“Oh, Jack, one more thing.”

He barely resisted letting out an audible groan as he swayed back on his heels, glancing over his shoulder. Ahead of him, the team also paused, interested despite their fatigue in whatever else Matty had to say.

“Weather reports indicate there’s a storm front coming in,” she said, apology and concern in her face if not her voice. She was watching Jack closely as she delivered the news. “Should reach the city in a few hours and last at least the night.”

At that, Jack really couldn’t help but groan. His head swivelled to meet Mac’s gaze, who was staring back at him with a resigned sort of distress colouring his face. Of all the possible times for LA to get a rare summer storm, it had to be right when the pair of them were already on their last legs. Of course.

“Copy that,” he said instead of screaming his frustration to the world, because despite what Matty said he did actually know the meaning of professionalism, thank you very much. “My house or yours, hoss?”

Mac considered it, looking tired and wan in the fluorescent lights. He might be the toughest person Jack knew, but right then he didn’t look like he could survive another sleepless night. “That waffle place near me does delivery until 2am now,” he mused after a moment’s thought.

Jack shot him a grin he didn’t really feel. “Sold.”

“But Boze-” Mac started, twisting to look at where the other two members of their team were still lingering in the doorway.

Riley neatly cut him off before he could finish voicing his concerns. “Boze will be perfectly fine spending the night at my place,” she said, casting a quick glance at the man in question to make sure he was fine with the arrangement. “You guys do what you need to do. Have fun with your waffles.”

“Yeah, man,” Bozer chipped in, “I’m all good. Don’t worry about me. Just try to get some rest if you can.” Riley tugged on his arm to get the pair of them moving, but he still twisted round to call over his shoulder, “And save me some waffles!”

With that they were gone, leaving Jack smiling fondly after them and Mac looking like his overworked brain was still trying to catch up with the conversation he’d just had. God, he was about thirty hours past exhausted and Jack could hardly stand knowing it would be some time yet before he could get some proper sleep in him.

“C’mon hoss,” he said softly, nudging at Mac’s elbow to grab his attention. “Let’s get you home. If we hurry, we might get a quick snooze in before the storm gets here.”

..

Mac did actually manage to catch a brief nap during the car ride home but he woke with a jolt when the engine shut off, much to Jack’s chagrin. Mac had never quite managed to pull off Jack’s habit of falling asleep at the drop of a hat, and it really cost him on long missions. His Overwatch had made it something of a personal mission to get Mac to sleep whenever he feasibly could.

“Anything left in the fridge is probably out of date,” Mac mused as they shambled into the house. His neighbours had learned to put up with a lot in his time living there, so two barely-conscious grown men would hardly even raise an eyebrow, thankfully. “Pizza?”

Jack considered for longer than he reasonably needed to before shaking his head. “Nah, not tonight. Is that Thai place down on the corner still open?”

“Chai Yo? Yes, but it’s closed on Thursdays.”

“Is it Thursday?”

There was a long beat of silence before Mac muttered quietly to himself and tugged out his phone to check. Jack eyed in enviously, his own having taking a swim in the Banda Sea after Mac repurposed it for some kind of SOS beacon. “Yes, it is. Apparently it’s also July? I thought we were still in June.”

Jack offered him a full body shrug, then dropped heavily onto the sofa. “Can’t be expected to keep track when Matty has us crossing timezones every other day.”

“Yeah. Well, Chai Yo’s closed. There’s that other Thai place, on Harris Avenue.”

Jack wrinkled his nose. “No, thanks. That place was awful.”

Not inclined to disagree, Mac tried to convince his brain to stop being mush and actually come up with a decent idea for dinner. “That diner on Northridge does deliveries now too I think,” he said at length. “I could go for a greasy burger.”

His partner mulled that over, then nodded slowly. “Yeah, that sounds good. You wanna call it in?”

Mac’s phone was already in his hand and he really didn’t have the energy to listen to more of Jack’s good-natured griping about losing yet another mobile to one of his builds, so he waved him off and retreated to the kitchen to place the order. That done and with more food on the way than two very athletic adults could conceivably eat, Mac stumbled back into the living room and collapsed face down on the sofa beside Jack’s inelegant sprawl.

“It just had to be tonight, huh,” he muttered petulantly into the pillow, thinking of a hundred previous stormy nights spent huddled up beside Jack on that very sofa.

The first few times it happened, Mac had assumed Jack was just humouring him. Someone as well trained and experienced as his Overwatch surely had no trouble fighting past the instinctive panic that gripped Mac whenever thunder boomed loud enough to shake the windows or lightning flashes lit up his entire house. It was merely another facet of Jack’s kindness that he was willing to spend the night with Mac to help chase away his demons when his brain was filled with nightmares about failed defusals and gunfire.

Then there’d been that flight back from Panama, when their jet had unexpectedly run into a thunderstorm while Jack was peacefully napping on one of the reclining chairs. At the first crack of thunder, he’d been on his feet, skin ashen and with one hand batting helplessly at his thigh for the gun that wasn’t there. It had taken Mac a solid ten minutes to calm him down enough to return to his seat, fighting his own flashbacks the whole way, and even then Jack’s entire body remained rigid for the rest of the flight.

Mac didn’t think he was simply humouring him after that.

Now, after years of dealing with it – and no small number of conversations with the Phoenix’s resident therapist – the pair of them had developed a system of diversions to keep them level-headed through the worst of LA’s inclement weather. The rest of the team was happy to help out, and all of them kept an eye on weather reports when the humidity started getting high. All of them had at one point or another seen Mac and Jack’s reactions to sudden loud noises or bright flashes and they wanted to do everything they could to spare them from it.

Mostly though, it boiled down to nothing more than being together while they – quite literally – weathered the storm. It was much easier to pull Jack from the brink of a nightmare about failing to save Mac when Mac himself was the one doing it, and vice versa. Besides, as much as Bozer and Riley had learned a lot since joining the Phoenix, neither of them knew the hell of the Sandbox and Mac and Jack were happy to keep them in the dark. There were some horrors that just weren’t meant to be spoken of.

“I’ve told you before man, you’re unlucky,” Jack replied, an uncoordinated arm reaching out to pat Mac consolingly on the shoulder. “Got no sense of luck at all.”

“I’m pretty sure the natural weather system of Southern California is beyond the reach of my personal control.”

“If anyone could though, man, it’d be you.”

Mac considered that. “Uh, thanks?”

There was peaceable silence for several long minutes and Mac listened as Jack’s breathing deepened and slowed. He always marvelled at how quickly Jack was able to get to sleep, envious of the apparent ease with which he did it. Mac had struggled with insomnia even before life as a soldier filled his head with more nightmares than anyone should have to deal with and these days he was lucky to get to sleep inside of an hour when he actually made it to his own bed. Of course, when they came home from a mission like the one they’d just had, all bets were off.

He rolled himself over so he wasn’t smothering himself in the cushion and pulled out his phone. The delivery app informed him that their food would be arriving in about ten minutes, so he slowly heaved himself back onto his feet and bustled around the kitchen warming plates and snagging some beers. Long since familiar with the general background noise of Mac’s house, Jack slept right on through.

When Mac’s phone pinged to tell him that their food would be arriving any minute, he crossed back over to his partner and laid a gentle hand on his shoulder. The man came awake instantly, blinking twice as he registered the familiar surroundings before relaxing back into the comforting softness of the cushions.

“Food’s almost here,” Mac offered in explanation, though it was proved moot three seconds later when the doorbell chimed.

They ate their dinner close beside each other on the sofa with the TV playing reruns of an old action show from the 80s Jack insisted was a classic but that Mac was barely able to follow through a combination of poor writing, truly objectionable acting choices, and visibly cheap sets. As the night started to draw in, they both kept half an eye on the black rainclouds drifting down off the hills; by the time they polished off the last of the fries, the first few droplets had started splattering against the windows.

The rain steadily built as the pair of them made their way onto films instead, kicking off with Lethal Weapon because Mac had vetoed Jack’s first four suggestions and felt too guilty to do it again. The first few times they’d done this, Boze had questioned their choice of action films when they were so busy trying not to think about all the things such movies entailed. They’d tried to explain themselves, unsuccessfully. In truth, there was no real way of understanding that fake, predictable violence helped to drown out real-life trauma unless you’d experienced it first-hand. Watching Mel Gibson body check some random actor somehow made it easier for Mac’s brain to process that time he’d been tackled clean off a rooftop by the one insurgent Jack hadn’t seen coming, and so on.

It was strange and imperfect, but they found it worked for them. Provided, of course, that they only watched films they already knew by heart, where gunfights and explosions couldn’t creep up on them.

They didn’t even make it until the end of act one before the first rolls of thunder washed over them. Mac shuffled ever so slightly in his seat, only stilling when Jack’s shoulder brushed against his and stayed there.

They stayed like that over the next hour or so as the rain steadily grew in intensity until it started to sound like machine gun fire against the roof tiles, and the thunder grew into a roaring, snarling beast in the air around them. Jack flinched sharply at the first flicker of lightning, and only seemed to breathe again when his fingers strayed to the pulse point on Mac’s wrist. Mac busied himself with the breathing exercises the therapist had taught him, and traded the occasional text with Charlie when the Day of a Thousand IEDs rattled around his skull. On the other side of the country and several hours ahead, Charlie must have been messaging back from his bed, but he dutifully responded all the same – Mac had done it for him too in the past.

“I ever tell you about that time in Sardinia?” Jack asked just as the film was coming to a close. It was clear that the movie alone wasn’t enough to combat their combined exhaustion and PTSD, which left them trading tales instead.

“I didn’t even know you’d been to Sardinia. What on Earth could the CIA have possibly wanted there?”

Jack settled himself back into the sofa, preparing himself for what was evidently going to be a long and involved story. “Well, as for what they wanted, there was a minor off-shoot of the Mafia making a base there. Something about ferrying money into France or something-” He waved a hand, “I don’t remember the details of it. Not important and probably classified.”

“We have the same security clearance Jack.”

“Keep telling yourself that.”

“We do. I’ve checked your file. I know.”

Jack pulled on an expression of great offense, touching his free hand to his chest like a swooning damsel. “You’ve been looking at my file? Buy me dinner first.”

“I literally just did.”

“Hmm. Yeah, okay. I guess that makes up for it. But no more snooping in my file! There’s private stuff in there.”

“That time you chased a gun-wielding madman down while entirely naked isn’t exactly private when you write it on an official mission report for the US government,” Mac muttered to himself.

Jack pulled a face at him. “Okay, smartass, you want to hear the story or not?”

He snickered, but waved an obliging hand. “I really do. Please continue.”

The story was predictably embellished, complete with wild hand gestures and a horrendous Italian accent thrown into the mix, but it was precisely what Mac needed to keep his concentration in the here and now. The telling of it seemed to help Jack too – his thoughts couldn’t stray to darker places when he was focused on bright Mediterranean sunshine and a mission that had gone so far belly-up it had wrapped right around into utterly absurd.

They managed to get as far as the part where Jack had to flee his hotel room wearing clothes stolen from the man he thought he’d been trying to rescue before a particularly sharp clap of thunder sent Mac’s face utterly white. His eyes slammed closed and his fists clenched so tight Jack could see where his nails were cutting into the meat of his palms.

Jack’s hands were on him in a moment, one wrapping carefully around his wrist to monitor the jackrabbiting of his heart while the other cupped his jaw, a thumb running soothingly over the stubbly skin.

“It’s okay, you’re okay,” he murmured consolingly, keeping his voice quiet to act as an anchor for pulling Mac back to the present. “You’re at home, in LA, I’m here, Charlie’s fine, everyone’s okay. There’s no danger. You’re safe, Mac. You’re safe.”

“Not-” Mac tried, strangled, “Not me.”

“Ah, kiddo,” Jack breathed, feeling his own heart clench. “Everyone’s okay, I promise. I’m right here. You want me to get Boze and Ri on the phone? Hear their voices?”

Mac shook his head sharply, one hand darting up to curl into the fabric of Jack’s t-shirt like a lifeline. Watery blue eyes opened to latch onto his own.

“There you are,” Jack murmured, trying to keep his expression calm and open. “Stick with me man.”

“Are you- You’re okay?” Mac’s voice was very small. The hand fisted on Jack’s shirt was white with the force of his grip.

“Yeah, Mac. I’m completely fine. Not a scratch on me, see? I’m right here and we’re both safe. At your house, remember?”

He nodded slowly, his heartbeat finally starting to slow down and his breathing settling back into a steady rhythm. Jack released his grip on his chin, letting him look around and reorientate himself, but kept his other hand fixed on his arm. Touch was always the quickest way to settle a panicking Mac, provided Jack was the one doing it. Jack’s hands meant safety, meant protection, and they were the best anchor Mac had to reality when he was lost in a flashback.

“’m okay,” Mac mumbled after a long moment of strained silence, recapturing Jack’s gaze with his own. “I’m back.”

Jack eyed him with poorly disguised scepticism, but he didn’t comment on the reddened eyes or the still laboured breathing. Outside, the storm continued to rumble on like an unwelcome guest.

“It was Paktia again,” Mac said very quietly when Jack didn’t pick up his story. “The apartment building.”

“Aw, hoss. We both got out of there without a scratch. No boom.”

“I know that but… It was so close Jack. If I’d been just a second slower-”

“Ay now, none of that. You stop that right this instant, you hear me? You weren’t a second too slow and even if you had been, it wouldn’t have been on you. We only walked away from that because you were exactly who you needed to be in that moment, right? You did everything you possibly could have done and it paid off, and even if it hadn’t that still would have been true. Don’t kill yourself now over what-ifs, Mac. No one wins that game.”

They’d had the same conversation a hundred times and would no doubt be having it again later that night. Mac had said much the same thing to Jack two weeks ago when he’d come up out of a nightmare swinging. Like everything else they’d done that evening, it was a ritual born of long-held burdens and too many nights haunted by ghosts.

“Yeah,” Mac replied at length, finally releasing his grip on Jack’s shirt and slumping back into the cushions. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“I’m always right.”

“That is highly debatable.”

Jack smiled at Mac’s return to something more like living and silently congratulated himself for helping it happen. His own anxiety had been through the roof since the rain started, but focusing on helping Mac helped to keep his own demons at bay: he didn’t have time to worry about his past horrors when his partner was right there in front of him, needing his support.

“Well, if that’s true, I guess you don’t want any waffles, huh? I was thinking of ordering some myself…”

Mac’s grin was shaky, but it was there all the same. “Ass,” he said fondly, already reaching for his phone. “You can do the ordering this time though.”

Jack snagged the phone and had a quick look through the menu before placing the call. Mac sat quietly beside him all through, his eyes staring blankly out the window as his fingers came to rest against Jack’s pulse. It was a habit he’d picked up from his Overwatch, and he realised very quickly that it was incredibly reassuring to feel the steady thrum and know it meant his partner was safe and healthy and here.

When he was done, Jack dropped the mobile off on the coffee table and returned his attention to their previous conversation. “Now, Sardinia. Where was I?”

Mac huffed out a near-silent laugh and finally relinquished his hold on Jack’s wrist. He busied his fingers with the label of his beer bottle instead, but it was more a force of habit than an anxiety response – baby steps, and all that. “I seem to remember something about you being half-clothed while hanging out of a third story window?”

“Ah, yes!” Jack announced happily, slipping back into his showman persona to chase away the shadows lingering in the corners of the room. “Now, you’ll never guess what happened next.”

“You fell out of a third story window while half-clothed?”

Jack shot him a dry look. “You’ve absolutely no flair for the dramatic Angus.”

He snorted, swaying to the side to bump their shoulders together. “Nah. That’s what I’ve got you for.”

“Damn straight, and don’t you forget it.”

“I wouldn’t dare.”

[imaginingyourfandom]

panic attack

chapter 3 of ‘you matter to me’ with Angus Macgyver

chapter 3

series summary:  mac being scared to admit that he’s in love with you after his failed relationship

series warnings: angst, fluff, previous relationship, injuries & strained family relationships

word count: 1K

Whenever you're having a bad day, remember this: I LOVE YOU.

“Mum? Dad? What the hell are you doing here?”

The day had started off fairly well. Bozer had cooked breakfast for you all before you and Mac had even decided to get out of bed after they had stayed the night at your place and fallen asleep after dinner and a movie, then you all watched a movie together before you and Bozer got together to plan Mac’s birthday while he went for a run. The last thing you had expected was to find your parents at your doorstep.

“We wanted to talk to you. You are a hard person to find.” Your mother spoke. You knew she was annoyed with you, but you didn’t comment on her tone as they pretty much pushed passed you to get into your house.

Bozer looked up at your parents confused, “Are they your parents?” By your sigh he knew it was complicated and the last thing he wanted was to make it more difficult for you, especially seeing as your parents were glaring at him.

“Is this your boyfriend?” Your father asked in disgust.

Your jaw dropped as you looked at him in shock, “He’s my friend and you have no right to come in here and judge who I have in my life. What are you doing here anyway?”

Bozer was proud to have you as a friend, always defending him no matter the situation. He had no idea what had happened between you and your parents but from the way you were reacting, it was not good so, he walked away to give you your space to deal with the situation.

“We wanted to see our daughter?” Your mother replied.

You rolled your eyes, knowing that was not why they were here, “You and I both know that’s not true. What are you really doing here?”

You mother looked at you with a strong gaze, “We wanted to invite you to dinner. Matthew and his family are going to be there. We and his parents thought it would be a good idea for you to get back together again.”

As you watched the two of them look at you with no care and remorse, you wanted nothing more than to cry. You hated how small and insignificant they made you feel. They had no regard for your feelings and only cared about their image.

Tears slowly started to brim in your eyes, “Get out. I cannot believe after everything I went through with Matthew; you still want me to be with him. He made my life a living hell and hurt me so much that I needed a therapist to work through my trauma. And now you want me to go back to him? Why? Why would you do that to me?”

When you had first met Matthew, he was a gentleman. You were set up through your parents and at first, he was great. You actually saw yourself marrying him but slowly, his true colors began to show, and you wish you had never known him. He was emotionally and mentally abusive and, in the end, had pretty much run you off the road when you decided to leave him. Your parents just couldn’t understand why you would leave a good man that could give you a good life and you couldn’t understand why they would choose someone else over their own child. You needed them and they made it seem like it was all your fault, that you drove him to the way he treated you.

“He was a good man and you let him leave.” Your mother growled.

You couldn’t believe the man that had done everything he could to protect you growing up was just standing by and doing nothing. He just let your mother talk down to you and completely disregard your feelings to the entire situation.

You and your mother kept screaming at each other, you just wanted her to leave but she had other ideas and wanted you to give into the dinner, but she was definitely not getting her way. Amidst all the yelling Mac had come home to find you yelling at your mother and you looked very upset.

“What is going on here?” he spoke loudly as he walked towards you. He could see the distress on your face and he didn’t like it one bit. He didn’t care what the argument was about, he was putting an end to it because he was not going to stand by and watch you be so upset.

“You have a boyfriend?” Your dad asked with a frown. He knew he had no right to enquire about your relationship but it did hurt him that you didn’t tell him about your boyfriend, he did fail to protect you after all.

Your mother sneered at Mac, “Who the hell are you?”

Mac didn’t give her the chance to reply as he walked over to you, watching as you placed a hand on your chest, struggling to breathe. You rarely had panic attacks but when you did get them, they could be pretty strong and knock the wind out of you.

“Look at me,” he spoke softly as he held your hand before placing it on his chest, “Just breathe with me. Slowly.” You looked at him with tears in your eyes as you tried to match his breathing. It had taken a while but you slowly began to calm down before he moved you to sit on the sofa. When he knew you breathing again, he stood up and walked towards your parents.

“I quite frankly don’t care who you are or why you’re here but I want you to leave. You don’t get to come in here and make them upset. Leave and don’t come back.” Mac spoke firmly. He didn’t really wait for their reply as he pretty much shoved them out of the door before walking back over to you.

“I’m here. Just breathe for me.” He softly spoke as he wrapped his arms around you.

You nuzzled into his neck, “I’m sorry you had to see me like this.”

“Nonsense. I’m just glad you’re okay now.”

“Thanks to you.”

[emachinescat]

Febuwhump day 25 / alt. 8 - allergies

Once again, I tried to write a story today, and because I’m sick with Covid, didn’t have the energy to finish the whole thing.  I do plan on finishing this up and posting the full thing once I’m recovered enough to do so.  Until then, I want to post what I have so that I can still claim victory for Febuwhump! :)  Please be aware that I wrote this while having a low-grade fever and that it’s not been edited, so if it is clunky or has issues, that’s why.  I’ll fine-tune everything when I finish writing it.  In the meantime, I hope you enjoy the rough product I have for you so far!  TW: PTSD

Mac + Allergies + The Goodest Boy

Angus MacGyver hadn’t had a proper night’s sleep in over four weeks.  He’d tell you otherwise if you asked, of course, but the evidence was overwhelming.  Every day, Mac's face grew paler, the darkness under his eyes deepened, and the look in his eyes became more distant.  Jack had seen this happen to many soldiers – hell, it had happened to him.  This tour hadn’t been as bad as some of the previous ones Jack had experienced, but in the past … 

Well, suffice it to say that Jack Dalton knew a thing or two about PTSD.

And as ugly of a look as it had been on him, as it was on anyone else, nothing had prepared him for how much it would hurt to see it on his little burger buddy.  Shoot, when Jack had signed up for another tour to keep an eye on the kid, it was to keep him safe in the Sandbox, but now that he was home, Jack felt like Mac was in just as much danger of losing himself here as he had been losing his life in Afghanistan.  That was part of the reason Jack had found a place in L.A. instead of going straight back home to Texas.  That, and a potential job for the two of them he was investigating at the DXS, but ultimately, it wouldn’t have mattered where the jobs were.  Jack had already decided to locate himself wherever Mac was.

Jack had tried to help the best that he could.  He’d been on call all hours of the night, had had Mac over at his place when the nightmares got too bad, had crashed at Mac’s place whenever his roommate was out of town and Mac couldn’t be alone.  He’d tried to get Mac to talk many times, but one thing he’d learned about the kid was that although he could go on and on for hours about geek squad science stuff, he was a master at talking a lot without actually saying anything important.  And he didn’t talk about himself at all.

Jack knew there was a lot to unpack.  Hell, Mac’s C.O. had been killed in front of him.  The kid had screamed awake from many a nightmare about that one.  He’d nearly been killed multiple times, been under fire, disarmed over a hundred IEDs in a single day, had been through hell right alongside Jack in the Sandbox, and Jack sometimes had to remind himself that the kid was still, well, a kid.  Fresh out of school, hadn’t even finished college before joining the army.  He’d seen more violence and bloodshed than most people twice his age.  His skill set put him right there in the middle of the death and danger, a twenty-year-old bomb nerd with a glowing neon target on his back.  

And now he was back home, and everything was different.  Jack knew this because he had been here too, once, not because Mac talked about it.  He understood exactly what his friend was going through – he was home, but home wasn’t the same.  He smiled when he spoke to his friends, his roommate, even Jack, sometimes, but the smile was hollow and so were his eyes.  The nightmares followed him wherever he went and he couldn’t adjust, and he kept all the turmoil to himself, not wanting to be a bother, not thinking he deserved sympathy or whatever help his friends wanted to give him.

Finally, Jack reached the point where he had no idea what to do.  What had ultimately pulled him out of his own personal hell after the worst tour of his career had been a very good friend, but no one, not Jack, not Bozer, not Mac’s childhood friend Penny, seemed able to penetrate the layers of protection that Mac had built up around himself.

Maybe, he thought, as he stared pensively at the computer screen, Mac needed a friend who didn’t try to get him to talk at all, one who would just be there for him and listen and drool all over his hand and tak dumps in his backyard.  Maybe, Jack ventured, the light bulb going off in his brain at the ad for the Battle Buddy Foundation and their service dogs for vets, Mac needed a dog.

.

Bozer was out of town at some movie convention the next weekend, so Jack put his plan into motion.  He hadn’t had a chance to run it by Mac’s oldest friend yet, but he knew that if a dog would help Mac, then Bozer wouldn’t mind a new addition to the household.  Bozer would just be in for a surprise when he got home.

It had taken a lot of trips to animal shelters to find just the right fit for his partner, but Jack had been determined.  He’d tried the Battle Buddy Foundation, but since he wasn’t looking for a service dog for himself, that had been a no-go.  Plus, there were just so many hoops to jump through and qualifications to meet and interviews to be had, and Mac needed help now.  So he had scoured shelters and rescues, looking for a dog of just the right size and temperament for his buddy.  The next two weeks were going to be a trial basis, and if Mac and the pup clicked, Jack would seal the deal.  If not, then there was already another interested party lined up for the adoption.

The dog’s name was Cheese, and he was a four-year-old golden retriever mix who loved cuddles, thrived on attention and exercise, and even looked a little like Mac with his long, flowing blonde locks.  Also, Jack couldn’t get past how perfectly the names synced up – how could he pass up the possibility of Mac and Cheese?

.

As Jack had predicted, Mac fell in love with Cheese the moment he laid eyes on him.

“Jack!” Mac grinned, falling to one knee right in the middle of the sidewalk.  “Who’s this?”  Jack let Cheese wag his little tail happily over to Mac and watched with rising excitement as the pooch immediately began nuzzling and licking a laughing Mac all over.  He watched as Mac scratched Cheese’s furry head, found the sweet spot behind the ears, and buried his hands in the fur around the dog’s neck.  

“This,” Jack said, “is your new best friend.”

Mac looked up from having his face licked off and narrowed his eyes.  “What did you do to Bozer?”

Jack tried to act like he wasn’t offended that Bozer had been Mac’s go-to on the “best friend” front.  “Nothing.”

“Then are you leaving me?”  Despite the joke, a bit of uncertainty had wormed its way into Mac’s voice, and Jack could have kicked himself.

“No, man, I don’t mean it like that!  Cheese ain’t replacing anybody, he’s just the newest member of the family!”

A hesitant half-smile pulled at Mac’s lips.  “You got me a dog?”  He cocked his head.  Cheese mimicked him, ears flopping as his head tilted adorably to one side.  “I’m sorry – did you say his name is Cheese?”

Jack nodded proudly.  

Mac kept scratching Cheese behind the ears, but he stared at Jack suspiciously.  “Did you name him that?”

Jack’s nod turned into a vigorous shake.  “No, that’s what he was called at the shelter, man.  It helped me pick him out for ya.  It was like fate.”

“Fate?”  Mac looked like he really didn’t want to know.

“Mac and Cheese, hoss.”

“No,” Mac said shortly.  “Just… no.”

.

Mac ended up keeping the name.

It wasn’t that he liked the lame pun or anything, but Cheese had apparently been called Cheese for a long time and refused to respond to anything else.  Mac wanted to call him Fibonacci, but one look into those big brown eyes that lit up when Mac said Cheese, and one glimpse of the way his tail flopped around excitedly at the sound of his name, made Mac change his mind.  Cheese obviously liked being Cheese, and who was Mac to try to change him?  

“Besides,” Jack pointed out no less than five times on the day he introduced them, “Mac and Cheese belong together, man.  Cheese without Mac is pretty good, I’ll admit, but Mac without Cheese is just a noodle.”  He shook his head sadly, and Mac couldn’t help but grin.  “Just a limp noodle.”

.

Cheese slept in the bed with Mac that night, curled up close beside him, warm and big and furry.  Mac didn’t have nightmares, mostly because he didn’t sleep.  He couldn’t sleep.  He could feel a cold coming on, and the persistent scratch in his throat kept him firmly tethered in that awful middle ground between waking and sleeping, where sleep is the most appealing thing you can imagine, but it is also the most unattainable.  It would have been a thoroughly miserable night, except Cheese was wonderful company, and his soft snores, twitchy feet, and dog dreams were a balm to Mac’s sleepless jitters.

Despite how much Mac loved Cheese already, he spent a large portion of the night thinking of reasons why it wasn’t practical for him to have a dog.  Bozer didn’t know about Cheese, for one.  Jack claimed that everything was fine, that Boze would be completely on board once he got home.  But Mac didn’t just want to spring a pet on his roommate.  Having a dog was a huge responsibility, one that wouldn’t affect just Mac, but anyone he lived with as well.  Of course, there was the fact that Mac himself wasn’t prepared to take care of a dog at all, either, even if Jack had taken it upon himself to buy half of Pet Smart on his way back from the shelter.  Mac felt like he could barely take care of himself half the time; what made him think that he could keep another creature alive and healthy?  

Peña had died on his watch, after all.  How long until his dog got hurt because of him?  

It was at that thought that Mac realized he was spiraling into very dangerous thought patterns, and he only managed to drag himself away from them by distracting himself with the snuffling noises Cheese made while he slept and by feeling the soft warmth of his fur.

Maybe Jack was right – maybe a dog would do Mac some good.

Of course, there was the one problem that Mac found himself avoiding more earnestly the more attached he found himself growing to Cheese.  It was perhaps the most glaring reason for not having a dog, but it was also he one Mac avoided acknowledging at all costs, and yet he knew full well that he was not getting a cold as he had told himself when the symptoms first started.  He recognized that tell-tale itch at the back of the throat and the heaviness of the head all too well, though he’d held out hope he’d grow out of it someday.  The truth was in the sneezes, though, which started after midnight and only got more numerous and violent as the night progressed.

No, there had been a reason that Archimedes had been an outside dog.  There was a reason Mac felt like he had a head cold coming on.  And there was a reason that he should have told Jack no the second his friend had made it clear that Cheese was to be his dog.

Angus MacGyver was allergic to dogs.

[appalachianapologies]

can’t figure out if these words fit into either of the 2 fics in the Tender Mercies universe that im writing, so take them here-

Jack doesn’t actually know what he said. Doesn’t know why he called them in the first place. He trusts the Bozers more than he thought he’d be able to trust after his stint with the CIA, but this isn’t something that anyone should burden family friends with.

He’s on autopilot, though. Did exactly what he would’ve done if he had stayed on the ranch in Texas. He has no idea if things work the same out in rural California, but it’s too late now.

Jack’s phone rests in a white-knuckled grip in his right fist. Each breath feels like it’s only reaching halfway into his chest. Nothing quite feels right.

He hasn’t screamed or cried or done anything else that Jack thinks he probably should’ve done. That people who are truly human would be doing right now. Everything just feels… distant. Not quite numb, but like it’s happening to someone else.

And in a way, it is.

Jack can push all of this down. Mac, on the other hand, won’t be able to. Still blissfully asleep and Jack thinks that maybe he should just wait until the morning, wait until the weekend, wait for a couple of years before telling him.

It wouldn’t be fair.

He’s not stupid.

There’s a knock on the door, and almost mechanically, Jack moves toward it. Unlocks it without taking a look to see who was outside.

Both Loretta and Milton stand a few feet outside. “Jesus, Jack, I’m so sorry.”

He just shakes his head, stepping aside to let them in. Clearing his throat, he awkwardly asks, “Boze’s gonna be okay at home?”

“He’s thirteen and asleep,” Loretta replies. “Don’t worry about him. You hear me? You don’t have to worry about anything but you and Mac right now.”

Jack swallows. Turns back toward the kitchen table but can’t get his legs to start actually moving. “He’s still sleepin’. Can’t- I don’t know what to do. How do I tell-” He cuts himself off with a choke. He can handle everything else. Telling Mac, though? Apparently that’s the end of his rope.

“You don’t have to tell him right this second,” Milton says. “You can let him sleep ’til morning.”

Jack knows that. He’s already considered it, and has already made up his mind. 

[axelbluesworld]

Lock in the heart

He promised to close my heart and never open it again unless it was worth it. Every time I fell in love, I ended up with a broken heart and didn't want it to happen again.

The thing is, this genius doesn't need a key to open the lock, and he easily opened the lock on my heart.

Without realizing it, I fell in love with him and knew it wasn't going to end well. Without realizing I had the key to open the lock and take my heart

Every time he passed I saw him with that beautiful smile, his blue eyes, his golden hair and his incredible intelligence. They only made me fall in love more

The greatest pain of a person is having a feeling of love and having to hold it deep because we know that it is not reciprocated.

I tried with all my being to fall in love with someone else, I did not even have to know love, a simple attraction to someone else was enough for me, but I did not succeed.

Mac had gotten into my head, my thoughts, my soul and my heart.

I knew that at the end of it all he would end up hurt, but before I knew it, I had already fallen madly in love with him.

The most painful thing was not the fact that he did not love me in the same way. What hurt the most was that he loved someone else the way I wanted him to love me.

Seeing them together every day, kissing, hugging, holding hands, only made my heart hurt so much more.

For a second I thought I had forgotten, but again it was a simple illusion. From the moment I saw him again, I felt the same again, in love.

That latch I had put on my heart was wide open and I'm not sure I can close it.

Bozer tries to cheer me up in any way possible, and he always manages to get me a lightning smile, but I still don't know if he can help me forget.

"It's hard to forget when what you do is love"

They say that when the heart falls in love, there is nothing to stop it, but with all my effort I let my heart do something that I would later regret.

That did not imply that he would not save his life when he knew he could. Today on the mission, Mac was about to take a bullet, but I got in the way.

Luckily for me I had the backpack on my back and the bullet hit the computer, unfortunately I had a nasty bruise, but that was better than having a hole in my back.

Right now we were in the war room for the common questioning that I always do after a mission. I notice that Mac looks at me whenever he could.

I didn't fully understand why, but I think it probably has to do with what happened on the mission.

At the end of the session, we all walked out of the war room and I could see Desi give Mac a somewhat strange look. I didn't want to pay attention to what was probably one of his games, and just headed for the exit.

I watched the rain fall from the sky and hated the fact that the car was in the store, I was about to call an Uber when I saw Mac walking in my direction.

At that time I did not care if it was raining, there could be a hurricane, and in the same way I would have gone out into the street.

The rain easily soaked my clothes and everything else, I hoped that thanks to the rain Mac would stop and he didn't want to talk to me anymore, but when I turned around he was still following me.

I tried to walk faster but he ran towards me and grabbed my arm to stop me, the universe definitely hates me.

He looked at me with a look that I couldn't recognize at all. I tried to free myself from his grip, but my attempts were in vain.

"I want to talk to you" Mac said as he looked me in the eye.

I didn't want to talk to him now or ever, I knew my heart was very fragile and anything he said to me could easily break it.

"What do you want to talk about?" she asked a little nervous.

"From this, every time I try to talk to you, you run away or you just ignore me," Mac said.

"Not true." I lied, but it was obvious that he didn't believe me.

"You did it right now, you didn't even care that it was raining, you just wanted to get away from me," Mac yelled as the noise of the rain grew louder.

My intention was never to get away from him completely, but if I wanted to forget about him I had to get away, since Matty asked me to open communications the day Russ had been abducted, I knew my heart was desperate.

Hearing Mac tell Desi that she was the reason he was here at the Phoenix, that she was the reason he was coming home, that he loved her, that lock that he had put on my heart was completely broken, leaving the pain to do what it wants with the my heart

"I want to get away from you because I'm fed up, I'm sick of me being nobody to you, none of my sacrifices for you matter to you, that hurts because the person who risks everything for you and who has always been there for you is me, only today I saved your life and you only care about her, I have done many things for you and that does not matter to you because you still return with Desi even knowing that being with her makes you bad" at that moment I spit out many of the things that I thought

At that moment I was crying, but because of the rain they couldn't see each other at all, Mac looked at me with an expression of astonishment and sadness, I didn't want his compassion or anything like that, so I turned and fled.

Mac ran after me, and all I could do was cry uncontrollably.

"Why are you risking your life for me?" Mac yelled at me

"Because I love you, okay?" I screamed out of nowhere, I couldn't contain those words anymore.

He looked into my eyes and at that moment I just wanted the earth itself to swallow me, I wanted to run away, but at that very moment it seemed that my feet had stuck to the ground, and the only way to escape was to say what I felt.

"I love you and yes, I am in love with you, I have been for a long time and every damn second that has passed has been the worst pain of my life, every day seeing you with Desi hurts me and all I want is for you to love me like her, I know I have ruined our friendship by telling you this but it hurts me more to keep them than to say them "my tears were washed away with rainwater

Mac looked at me with an expression I'd never seen in my life and felt that every second of silence was horrible.

"Mac, please say something, tell me you hate me, say you don't love me, but please say something," I yelled at him.

Mac approached me with determined steps, and before I knew it, his lips were already on mine. At that very moment, I forgot everything around me and I dedicated myself to that kiss that I had wanted so much.

The rainwater wet our clothes completely, it was impossible for us to be closer than we already were. His hands on my waist hugged me tightly keeping us close, his lips were soft against mine, it was everything I had ever wanted.

I was the first to walk away because even though I loved that kiss very much, the very idea that I did it out of pity scares me. When I saw him, the etsba was grinning from ear to ear.

"In first Desi and we broke up more than a year ago and I did not tell you because you always avoided me and I am very sorry for the way I hurt you, I love you, I love you more than anything in the whole world and I know I realized things very late but what I say is completely sincere, sorry if I do not thank you enough for saving my back a thousand times, I love you Riley, I love you very much and I will tell you as many times as necessary so that you know "admitted Mac

I laughed at his words because they were so sweet and tender, and that I love you, that which he repeated over and over again only made me so happy because it was the "I love you" that I had always wanted.

"I promise you that I will never do something to hurt you again, I love you" he said before kissing me.

At that very moment that lock was opened in my heart, leaving the way open to everything I have always wanted, a true love

[just-a-fangirl13]

Are MacRiley dating? Or is something else going on here?

All the 5x03 theories!

Okay so I have a lot of questions about 5x03 just like every other MacRiley fan but I thought I should put it all down in one place with some theories and scenarios...

1. They are on an actual date. Ok so evidence for this is the food next to Riley, the 4 different picnic baskets, the writers tweeted saying “sipping wine and stargazing” AND you know THE ALMOST KISS..?!! I dont know what threat could possibly lead to Mac and Riley kissing, unless they are on a real date. [assuming the kiss even happens] I dont know what relevance the telescope and the eclipse could also have to a mission where they are following/ observing dangerous people. It just seems like the dreamiest date ever! Also just look at them, they aren't on high alert..they are just talking and enjoying each others company. *YEET!!* [this is really just wishful thinking but I dont even care since there is a slight chance it happens!!]

Might that “talk” (the one Mac and Desi are forced to have) stem from the events of the photos above and below, in which things between Mac and Riley sure appear to be going from astronomical to physical?

A snippet from the TV line article that released the exclusive pictures...even they seem to be hinting at something something going down...!!!! Heres the article.

2. They are on a mission. Ok so the biggest evidence for this is Desi, Bozer and Russ. They seem to be in the same location but it is very hard to tell. They could be in a completely unrelated place doing an unrelated thing (Desi does not look happy though so maybe its a mission and a fake date and Mac and Riley are enjoying a lil too much...which leads to Mac and Desi being forced to talk about their relationship??).

One of the images seems to show Riley with her laptop and maybe the telescope is a camera or spying device that Mac made. (its a reflector telescope which can also be used as a long range camera so maybe..?)

We know Russ is in the photos which means this either happens at the start of the episode *most likely* or is at the end or a flashback.

Also if this really is a mission, can we just take a second to talk about Matty putting these two together on a fake date..?? There is no way MATTY DOESNT KNOW ABOUT SOMETHING SOMETHING HAPPENING! She doesn't do anything by accident!

3. This is a flashback. This could be a secret MacRiley moment just before the Phoenix opened up post-pandemic where they finally go out on a date. [Safe to say a lot of MacRIley fans including me are straight up going to pass out If this is the case!] Now for this episode we know Mac and Desi are forced to talk about their issues. A flashback scene could make sense. Maybe Mac is thinking back to his first kiss with Riley or something when he finally tells Desi he and Riley are together (Mac and Desi are definitely over. These two dont have an ounce of chemistry left and they definitely didn't quarantine together because if they had they would have talked through their issues before. Its possible they broke up just before the pandemic but never talked through things or got closure??)

4. This is a simple MacRiley scene and the photos are just bait. I am going to be so mad if they dont almost KISS!! I am not asking for a proper kiss or make out session....just an almost kiss after months and months of waiting is enough but if these images are just a part of publicity stunt im going to lose it!! (and then continue to watch the show anyway)

However I think even this is highly unlikely because the almost kiss photos came from an outside source i.e.TV line. Yes they got them from CBS but this is the new show runners first episode. Tricking us just seems reallyyy unlikely and a bad way to start (false promises and all). Plus TV line’s credibility will also be at stake if the scenes in these photos doesn’t happen.(its an official exclusive so this definitely happens the question is what's the context!!!)

Im sorry if your even more confused than before you read this post, I honestly have no idea what to expect in 5x03. I am not keeping my hopes high but I really do think something new has happened between Mac and Riley which is why Mac isn’t sad about losing Desi (like when Jess said you lost your chances of ever dating that woman and Mac isn't all sad and mopey he just gives her a look that looks more like a lol you have no idea.)

Since the writers put in the pandemic in the storyline when they could have just continued right where they left off, it makes me think that there is a lot of relevance to this 10 month jump. Apart from leaving enough time for Mac and Desi to be completely done so that when Mac and Riley get together she isn’t a rebound or something, it might be to show Mac and Riley quarantining together (for a few months at least)

NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE SAYS, something has 100% changed!! Their glances and eyebrow movements aren't accidentally added in there! Also idk if anyone else noticed, but its been Mac who has been looking over at Riley not the other way around. We know Riley has feelings and we saw her looks from last season but Mac looking at Riley is new. There are practically no more romantic looks between Mac and Desi. (He told her you can do this and they high fived before that which just screamed FRIENDS not lovers... )

Let me know what you think! Sorry if this was really ramble-y!!

[refinedbuffoonery]

Looking Through A Window (3)

macriley married undercover au

masterlist.

Fun fact: the final scene of this chapter is part of my original brainstorm for this fic. The rest of the scenes I initially dreamt up won’t come until much later, so I’m thrilled to have at least one of them come early on in the story. 

To Carrie and Anna, the lights of my life: I named the neighbor after you two. She’s annoying as shit and nothing like either of you, but I needed a name and decided if anyone deserves to have their name as an Easter egg, it’s the two of you. 

*****

Despite the storm, Matty has the shipment of borrowed guns delivered to the Port of Houston in the middle of the night. While they eat breakfast, Mac and Riley study Matty’s excruciatingly detailed directions for navigating the port and finding their shipping crate. She certainly didn’t make it easy on them. 

Riley leans back in her chair, looking around until her eyes land on Harley. “Time for you to earn your keep,” she says between mouthfuls of toast. 

Supposedly, this is what Harley specializes in—sniffing out weapons. The dog should be able to confirm which shipping container the guns are stashed in without Mac or Riley having to check themselves. Theoretically. 

Mac finishes his own plate of eggs and toast in a few ravenous bites. “Thanks for making breakfast.” He gets up to clear the plates and start rinsing dishes. After living with her for more than a year, Riley making breakfast is routine, but Mac still thanks her for it every day. 

Living in the apartment together, they fall right back into their old habits. Mac wakes up early and goes for a run. By the time he returns, Riley is awake and making breakfast. After they eat, Mac showers while Riley goes on her own run. And so on and so forth. 

While Mac was out this morning, he wove through the whole neighborhood, making sure it’s safe for Riley to go out alone. She can handle herself, but Mac has no delusions about the overall quality of men on the streets, and even though he can’t fix that, at least he can help minimize her chances of encountering creepy dudes. 

Before they leave for the Port, Mac and Riley scour their car for a bug or any other surveillance equipment the organization might’ve hidden while they were inside the warehouse talking to Conrad yesterday. They find none. Thankfully. 

Once again, they’re going in armed, and the weight of Mac’s gun feels just as foreign and unwelcome as it did yesterday. He tries not to fidget with it while Riley drives, but she notices his discomfort anyway. “You’ve got to relax,” she says. “All your squirming is stressing me out.” 

“Sorry.” Mac stills, even though his whole body screams to put the gun somewhere else. 

Anywhere else. 

Once they arrive at the Port, Mac guides Riley through the maze of cranes and crates and warehouses until they find the one Matty had the guns stashed in—dark green and otherwise nondescript. 

Unfortunately, there are multiple shipping containers that fit that description at the location Matty provided. As they get out of the SUV, Riley glances between the boxes nervously. “Uhh, which one is it?” 

Mac doesn’t have a clue. “I guess that’s for Harley to tell us.” He looks down at the dog standing obediently beside him. “Find it.” 

He releases the leash as Harley takes off like a rocket, sniffing each container and the surrounding area. She inspects more than half of them before sitting and looking back at Mac. He waits for her to bark, but she doesn’t. Whoever trained her clearly did so with stealth in mind. 

“Do we open it to double check?” Riley asks. 

Mac opens his mouth to say yes, but he doesn’t get a chance to answer before a muddy, dark-blue diesel truck parks beside their SUV. Conrad jumps out of the driver’s seat, accompanied by two younger men, wearing matching scowls and Carhartt jackets. He walks with that same entitled swagger, and a cheap smile spreads across his face. 

“Mr. Turner!” Conrad exclaims, shaking Mac’s hand. His grip is too firm to be friendly. Stepping back, he sneers at Riley, acknowledging her just long enough to impatiently say, “Genevieve.” Mac doesn’t miss the way Conrad’s eyes drop to Riley’s chest, nor the way Riley bristles beside him, wrapping her jacket more tightly around her and crossing her arms to hold it in place. Mac clears his throat. “Sorry,” Conrad says, not sounding sorry at all, “but your wife is very attractive.” 

Riley rolls her eyes so hard they nearly fall out of her head. 

“Your order is this way,” Mac says, cutting off Conrad before he could make another gross statement, “Follow me.” Mac puts a hand on Conrad’s shoulder, squeezing hard as he steers the man toward the shipping container. Harley is still sitting beside it, waiting patiently, and Mac scratches her head with his free hand. 

Riley whistles, a single sharp note that sends Harley running back to her side. Mac buries his relief that she’s not alone, although he’d still much rather the hulking bodyguards were closer to him than Riley. 

Focus, Mac reminds himself. Riley can hold her own. Just get this over with. 

Mac opens the container, revealing two nondescript wooden crates. Still sneering—at this point, Mac’s starting to think that’s the only expression Conrad is capable of—Conrad waves over his bodyguards, gesturing for them to open the crates. 

For just a second, Conrad’s sneer edges toward a smile. Inside the crates lie exactly what he ordered: military-grade, semi-automatic rifles and enough ammo to kickstart the apocalypse. Mac’s gut churns. He hates this. He hates everything about this. He hates that he’s arming terrorists. He hates how these men look at Riley like dogs drooling over a steak. He hates that he can’t do anything about any of it, that he has no choice but to play along. 

Mac wishes he could bury his feelings the way Riley does, locking them behind a carefully controlled mask. Instead, his linger just beneath the surface, waiting to make themselves known at the first available opportunity. 

Counting backward from five, he steels himself to finish the game. Just as Conrad brushes a reverent finger down the barrel of a rifle, Mac chides, “We followed through on our end of the bargain. Did you?” 

“Of course.” 

One of the bodyguards pulls out his phone. In a deeper voice than Mac expects, he says, “We can wire the payment to your bank account right now.” 

“Good. My wife will help you set that up.” Mac gestures to Riley, and the bodyguard walks over to her. 

Conrad extends his hand, and Mac takes it, trying not to wince when his arm brushes his concealed gun. “Pleasure doing business with you, James,” Conrad says. 

“I hope this is the beginning of a long and prosperous partnership.” Long and prosper? Who was he, Spock? 

“Indeed. Welcome to the Patriots.” Conrad gestures for his men to start loading the guns into their truck. “Expect another order within the week.” 

Mac doesn’t know how to respond to that. Thankfully he doesn’t have to, because Riley waves him over, apparently having finished her conversation with Conrad’s lackey. “I’ll leave you to it,” Mac says, then turns his back on the terrorists and rejoins Riley. On instinct, he reaches for her arm as he murmurs, “Are you okay?” 

Riley tenses under his touch, but doesn’t pull away. “Yeah, I’m fine.” 

“Good.” He said the same thing to Conrad just a minute ago. Good. But the word is light years different from before—soft and caring, not curt and vaguely challenging. Bozer pointed it out to him once, how he talks to Riley differently than he does anyone else. 

Mac shakes off the thought. He can’t get distracted, no matter how much his mind only wants to think about Riley. Releasing her arm, he says, “Let’s get out of here.”

*****

Back at the apartment, Riley settles in on the couch to dig into the Patriots' bank records. By wire-transferring the money instead of paying them in cash, Conrad practically offered up the organization's entire digital footprint on a silver platter, at least to someone like Riley. She doesn't speak as she works, so Mac listens to the melody of keyboard clicks while he makes them each a grilled cheese. 

Contrary to popular belief, he's not completely incompetent, although Bozer has nearly everyone convinced otherwise. Mac will never be able to cook something fancy, but he does make a mean sandwich. 

He even spreads mayo on the bread, the way Bozer does, because Riley prefers it that way. 

The sizzle of the sandwiches hitting the hot pan joins the keyboard clicks right as Riley announces, "I hacked into their bank records." 

"What've you got?" 

"From the look of it, the shell corp they used to pay us has only been around for four months. Before that, they must've either paid in cash or used personal accounts." 

"That makes sense though, since the Patriots haven't been around all that long." 

"That's what I thought at first, but come look." Mac does, leaning over the back of the couch so his head is right beside hers. Riley points at the screen. "The first three transactions were all big deposits, each one two weeks apart." 

Frowning, Mac squints at the tiny numbers on the screen. "One hundred thousand dollars?" 

"Times three deposits," Riley adds. 

"Where the hell did they get that kind of money?"

"I don't know. The deposits were cash." 

“Damn. Did you at least figure out who their previous arms dealer was?” 

“Yeah.” Riley shifts, causing her hair to tickle Mac’s nose, and he brushes her hair to the opposite side of her neck without another thought. “Turns out their previous dealer has Mexican cartel connections, which explains why the Patriots only paid them twice. I’m guessing they found out about the cartel part and broke it off before they made a long-term deal.” 

“At least they’re not complete idiots,” Mac mumbles. Tired of squinting, he leans closer to better see the screen. 

Except now they’re cheek to cheek, and Mac suddenly can’t focus on the screen at all. 

Riley twists to look at him, and it takes every ounce of Mac’s willpower not to glance at her lips. "Are you burning my grilled cheese?" 

"No." He straightens, simultaneously disappointed and relieved by the space now between them. Mac shakes off the thought. He can’t keep getting distracted like this. 

"Uh huh. Sure." 

Retreating to the kitchen, Mac calls, "That was one time!"

*****

As expected, they don’t hear anything from Conrad or the Patriots the following day. Mac doesn’t know what to do with all the downtime on this op. There are plenty of books in the apartment, but he’s too restless to sit and read. He opens the fridge, more out of boredom than actual hunger. 

They’re on day five of the undercover op, and it’s starting to feel an awful lot like quarantine. With nothing to do but hurry up and wait, hanging out in the apartment and doing nothing is starting to make Mac go a little stir crazy. 

When Riley emerges from the bedroom wearing workout clothes, it’s clear she feels the same way. “I’m going for a run,” she announces. 

“Want company?” He hopes she says yes. Anything to get out of the apartment for a while. 

Riley unplugs her phone from the charger and slides it into her pocket. “No offense, but no.” 

Dammit. Mac shoves down his disappointment. “None taken.” He closes the fridge. Nothing in there looks good. 

“Tell you what,” she says. “After I get back we can go to the space museum, okay?” 

His heart skips a beat at her offer. “Is it that obvious I’m bored?” 

“Yes.” Riley gives him a pitying smile. “So do you want to go?” 

Mac smiles. It feels like she just asked him out on a date. It’s not, but it feels like one anyway. Be cool. “What kind of question is that? Of course I do.” 

“Okay then.” Popping in her earbuds, she walks out the door. 

“Enjoy your run, muffin!” Mac calls, stealing Bozer’s go-to pet name for when he’s undercover with Riley. She reaches back inside to flip him off before slamming the door shut, and Mac chuckles. Riley really hates that nickname.

Now it’s just him, Harley, and this tiny apartment. 

Resuming his search for food he’s not even hungry for, Mac opens the pantry, and Harley comes running into the kitchen. She must’ve learned the sound of the door opening since they keep the dog food in there. Harley looks up at Mac expectantly. 

“Don’t look at me like that.” She whines, and her pleading expression reminds Mac of the wide-eyed look Bozer mastered as a kid while begging his parents for something. Neither are very effective. “You just had breakfast an hour ago,” he insists.  

Harley glances at the open pantry, then back at him. 

Mac doesn’t give in, but he does kneel to pet her instead, scratching Harley’s neck and ending up with a handful of hair. Frowning, Mac digs through every drawer in the kitchen in search of a dog brush. No luck. He checks the bedroom and bathroom, coming up empty once again. Who even organized this house? It makes no sense. His gaze lands on the laundry room door. 

Ah. 

Sure enough, there’s a dog brush on the shelf above the washing machine. 

Leash and brush in-hand, Mac calls out, “Alright, girl. Let’s go de-floof you.” 

Harley takes one look at the brush and sprints in the other direction. 

Well this is going to be harder than Mac anticipated. 

He ends up chasing Harley throughout the apartment, zig-zagging from one room to the next. Every time Mac gets close, Harley slips by, just out of reach. After the fourth time she sends Mac stumbling into the furniture after lunging for her and missing, he realizes what she’s doing. 

Harley is playing him. This is a game to her. And, so far, she’s winning. 

Mac stares the dog down, and she seems to narrow her eyes in response. “Challenge accepted,” he tells her. 

This time, he knows exactly where to find what he’s looking for—peanut butter. He smears an unnecessarily large glob into Harley’s dog bowl, making sure she sees exactly what he’s doing. Harley’s stubborn, and does a good job of appearing not to care, but Mac has a hard time believing any dog would turn down peanut butter. 

Harley, it turns out, is no exception. 

She follows him to the door, and Mac rewards her with a few licks of peanut butter while he clips on the leash, careful not to let her eat so much that there’s not enough to last while brushing her. Despite Harley’s obvious enjoyment of the peanut butter, Mac is no fool. She let him win this round, no doubt about it. 

He leads Harley down the stairs to the small lawn in front of the apartment building, where it wouldn’t matter if he left dog hair everywhere. The brush pulls away thick chunks of her undercoat with each pass, and it doesn’t take long for the lawn to look like something died there. 

The peanut butter, unfortunately, doesn’t last nearly as long as Mac hopes. 

Mac figures out pretty quickly that Harley does not like her tail being brushed; she turns away and tucks her tail and generally makes it impossible for Mac to reach it. He sits back on his heels, formulating a new strategy. “If I don’t brush your tail,” he says, “you’re going to look like a squirrel, and neither of us wants that.” 

Harley’s ears prick at the word squirrel. 

Mac tries again, and this time Harley lets him…sort of. It’s not perfect, but at least she won’t be leaving hair all over the apartment anymore—hair that he needs to vacuum, because Riley asked him to last night and he’d completely forgotten until now. Tucking the brush into his back pocket, Mac scratches Harley’s ears the way he learned she likes, and when she leans into his touch, Mac’s heart swells. 

“Good girl.” He kisses her head, and Harley licks his chin in return. “See? We’re not so bad.” Mac sighs. “I know we’re not who you wanted, but we’re going to take good care of you.” 

Riley made the same promise in the war room. Even if she doesn’t stay with them after the op, Mac will make sure Harley ends up with people who will love her for the rest of her life. 

“I promise,” he murmurs into her fur, kissing her head again.

Mac startles when a feminine voice calls, “You could make a whole other dog from all that hair.” A middle-aged woman stands in the walkway, oversized blue purse on her shoulder and car keys in hand. She smiles at Mac. “I haven’t seen you before. Did you just move in?” 

“Yeah,” Mac says, standing up. “My wife and I moved in this week.” 

“Well, welcome. My name is Carrie Ann, and my husband and I live in apartment 317. Feel free to stop by anytime. I think you’ll like living here, though I must warn you that it gets pretty loud during football season.” 

Mac nods. “Nice to meet you. I’m James.” He expects Carrie Ann to keep walking—presumably to her car—but she doesn’t, and Mac suddenly gets the feeling this conversation is about to be much longer than he wants. 

“And who is this cutie?” she asks, directing her attention to the dog. 

“This is Harley.” 

Carrie Ann sounds like a squeaker toy, greeting Harley in a voice so high-pitched it’s almost inhuman and petting her without bothering to ask for permission. Harley eyes the woman warily but surprisingly sits still. “I love dogs,” she says at a mercifully normal decibel. “Sadly my husband is allergic.” 

“That is unfortunate.” Mac shifts from foot to foot, eager to escape the small talk. He’s never really had the patience for it. 

Carrie Ann, it seems, is completely oblivious to his discomfort. She prattles on, asking asinine questions about what he does for work, if he’s been to the coffee place down the street, and when she can meet his wife. 

Mac doesn’t know if it’s a blessing or a curse when Riley appears in his peripheral vision, as if on cue. “Actually,” he says to Carrie Ann, “you can meet her right now.” Mac flashes Riley a wide, bright smile that she returns half-heartedly, chest still heaving after her run. Sweat glistens on her body, and a few wispy curls that escaped her ponytail are now plastered to her face. “This is my wife, Genevieve.” 

Giving Harley a quick scratch, Riley stands beside him, close enough that Mac can feel the heat radiating off her body. Instinctively, he starts to put a hand on her back, but he quickly pulls away. She’s not wearing a shirt—only a sports bra and those stupidly tight leggings—and the intimacy of putting his hand on her bare skin is too much to handle. “Hi,” she says, completely oblivious to Mac’s internal panic. 

Carrie Ann introduces herself again, and Mac is only half-listening while she and Riley chat. Riley’s so much better at small talk anyway. 

He’s much too focused on how Riley grabs his shoulder to use him for balance while she stretches. She’s so casual about it, like she’s done it a million times before. His skin burns under her touch. 

Mac wants to feel more of her, wants his whole body to feel like that. 

Stop it, he chastises himself. Stop thinking about her like that. 

He can’t. 

Even after Riley lets go, the feeling lingers, and Mac can’t stop thinking about that too. She’s standing slightly in front of him now, almost as if she’s protecting him from their nosey neighbor.

“When are you having kids?” Carrie Ann coos. “An attractive couple such as yourselves would make such beautiful children.” 

Shit. He and Riley never talked about that. 

Before Mac can come up with an answer, Riley pulls his arms around her, a smile blooming on her face. She guides his hands to rest low on her abdomen. “We’re actually trying right now.” 

Mac’s brain short-circuits. 

He blushes, both at the casual intimacy of Riley wrapping herself in him and at the implications of what she just said. Pressing her body fully into Mac’s, Riley looks up at him, smiling like he’s her whole world, and Mac’s heart stops. He’s not breathing. 

His whole body burns, and the feeling is so much more intense than he imagined just seconds ago. 

Alight with mischief, Riley’s dark brown eyes draw him in, and suddenly Mac is picturing Riley with that exact same expression while wearing far less clothing. 

Mac thinks he might die from spontaneous combustion. 

You are so beautiful, he barely stops himself from saying. His blush deepens as he’s snared in the mental image of him and Riley doing said “trying.” 

Their neighbor has the audacity to laugh. “Well, I’ll let you get back to it, Genevieve. Your husband looks like he’s ready for another round.” 

That makes it worse. So much worse. If he doesn’t spontaneously combust, then he’ll definitely die of embarrassment. It’s not how he wants to die, but it’s better than explaining his reaction to Riley. Because she’s going to ask him about it. Mac knows this—knows this like he knows grass is green and gravity is what keeps his feet on the ground.

As soon as Carrie Ann leaves, Riley does exactly that. She extricates herself from his grasp, putting her hands on her hips and furrowing her brow the way she always does when she knows something’s up. “Are you okay?” she asks. 

Mac’s voice is strained as he replies, “Yeah. I’m good.” 

He is not good. He is definitely not good. 

And Riley knows it. 

This op feels like all Mac’s worst nightmares coming to fruition. Simultaneously. 

Riley can’t know. Her knowing would ruin everything—their friendship, their work, their trust. Mac can hardly look her in the eye. How is Riley supposed to trust him when he’s secretly thinking about her like that? He’s her friend; he’s supposed to protect her from guys who want her like that, not become one of them. 

But god does Mac want to be one of them. Not one of them, he corrects himself. The only one. 

He’s screwed.

.

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