#this isnt that new of a drawing but hey might as well share it anyways

[silvesi]

H E N L O

3, 8, 11, 12 for the vampire ask game!!!

Everyone say hi to my new friend creaked.

ANYWAY I CAN FINALLY ANSWER THESE NOW I MADE A POST [here] EXPLAINING THE VAMPIRISM.

11. How much restraint do they have around blood?

He's convinced people he has more than he does, somehow. This is usually because he will just vibrate for 5 hours until sneaking off and savaging someone. hey man the uh. yeah your. guy just ate like 3 pact soldiers. ok now he's gonna eat you too, no witnesses. UNFORTUNATELY he's an assassin and great at hiding this around anyone he isnt close to! if youre close to him its…uhuoh. More of an issue. He's nearly killed Dralsin twice, and succeeded once.  

This was more of an issue when he was younger, and he does learn to tell people the signs and regulate better.

Blood is more of an issue in [RP]. Otherwise, from around LWS4 ish it's "do not give him the magic rocks. do not give him the magic rocks. under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. Keep him AWAY from crazy powerful magical sources"

So that's hilarious. Especially with Aurene. This guy is trying to teach HER responsibility and how to share her magic? THEN SHE TEACHES HIM HOW TO CONSUME VOLATILE MAGIC? girl. It's a back and forth I think, of "hey be careful with absorbing god magic, Aurene." "Ok stop licking bloodstones then??" Like:

3. Are there perks that outweigh the condition, or is it too difficult to enjoy?

For Feds, the perks don’t outweigh the condition at all - although, you MIGHT have been able to convince him they did during HoT before he fully understood its nature.

-The fact he doesn’t really hear Mordy is the main one for him. After losing Dralsin to it and seeing Larry struggle so much, you can see how he might be convinced it's not so bad.

-In a similar vein, the fact mordrem ignore him. This is more obvious in [RP] AU, where he doesn’t have to deal with the egg and such - so he’s mostly undetected the entire time, and abuses this power to cause UTTER CHAOS and gather so, so much intel on one man reconnaissance missions. This idiot can walk straight into a mordrem camp. The pact both love this and are terrified by it.

-[RP] Uh. Hua thinks the biting is kinda hot I guess?? 

-Can tell u what vitamins ur deficient in lol

8. How do they feel about their condition as a whole?

It pisses him off. It annoys him. He HATES it because what the HELL was the purpose of that and is in a victim mindset for a long time. He gets more of a handle on that during HoT and steadily begins to accept it, and then- SLAP do you want a bloodstone explosion to drive you batshit insane. Oh yeah you do. 

After that? he feels like shit but everyone EXPECTS THINGS OF HIM and UGH!

Then LATER he’s all pleased he’s finally fixed it with a dragon but THEN people are like ummm now you used an elder dragon? thats terrifying and i do not trust you.

That? That is his tipping point. Because he has tried so so hard to keep it under wraps and under control and no matter what, someone seems to have an issue. So once again, acceptance. Finally. But, now in the way of: I’m gonna EAT SOMEONE and you better be OKAY WITH IT. FUCK YOU. Honestly outwardly copes with it really well, and it becomes very easy to accept it as part of him. He’s got a very good little trick going on here! Because it’s still volatile as fuck but he actually just stopped caring. It’s like… violent acceptance. He's getting there.

I figure he doesn't need to feed traditionally so much as of around LWS4 with Aurene sharing her command of magic and such, right? Here is how to EAT VOLATILE MAGIC and he's like oh cool. sick. I'm gonna dragon magic this crap away? Haven't thought on it more because I still have a lot of story to do, ngl.

12. I forgot the wording. A CURE? WELL

RP? yes. He started looking into it because he wanted back to feeding weekly instead of every damn 24 hours after @/alma-draws Morred swirled his got dam head around AGAIN. This is the FUNNIEST SHIT right now because it's @/kralkatorrik 's Tiyrnan having to deal with this. He's trying to give him Ley in slow release patch form rn. It's...going! it sure is. going.

It's not a cure, its a stopgap.  But!

Before this he was just eating really random magical stuff by the way. Until he thought hm. Maybe I should get help and not microdose on bloodstone and idk, chak organs.

[fullmoonfireball]

heres some gay magicians, have a good night

[longingkisses]

some vincent/shakespeare hc’s because they deserve the world, actually >:(

ever since the the drunk on your love event i have never known peace. i regret not collecting the theocona and leocomte stories but hey what can you do when ur broke amirght? well at least these two were pretty early on so i really must stan. no spoilers for their routes as well, so uh. :) rated general, just fluffy all around. love yall hhahahaha xoxo 😎

honestly, the way they got together is probably some deep dark secret. it’s a lost cause to ask shakespeare, and asking vincent just gets nothing but a nonchalent smile

no, seriously. vincent will probably react with a dreamy smile, slight blush and just trying to get words out from him feels like a sin because well- the dude's just lost in the sauce. the love sauce

because of this, theo lives in paranoia. what happens when his older brother goes off on his own? apparently he starts dating the murder(?) vampire that mom and pops warned you about

when they first start dating though, nobody really knows for sure. the playwright comes often more for lunch and vincent goes out on his own more, but it wasn’t enough to draw that much attention.

but theyre not ashamed of each other. vincent is absolutely willing to kiss shakespeare at any time of the day and if that's how their relationship is found out, so be it

safe to say, theo cried in anguish for about 3 days. if he even sees a cheek kiss from the two he blacks out for hours

and once theo finds out, EVERYBODY knows. a lot of them are alright with it, just a bit cautious.

unsurprisingly, its theo, comte and leo who are the most concerned.

theo is... self-explanatory. a younger brother has to cope with his older brother dating somehow though.

comte is MAMA. in his own way he tries to figure out how the two are doing, feeling, and how the hell this happens.

vincent unironically thinks so highly of shakes. once comte asks, the painter practically lights and goes on about how 'passionate' that will is, how he admires the other's work ethic, overjoyed how the will also enjoys spending time with him...

it makes comte's heart melt. this count knows damn well how vincent deserves to be happy, even with the resident more like neighboring drama queen

and when comte turns to shakespeare... oh god

bring up vincent to willy shakes and the dude goes full gas on the ballads. a lot of ballads. vincent as the dazzling sun, light of his eternal life, most curious dear vincent-

anyway, comte leaves happy that his sons are happy. that's all that matters. even if he totally has some backup care plans if things go awry, because they might. who knows with shakes honestly

and then... leo. leo and vincent are art buddies, and even then leo is also quite protective of the vamps. its a dad thing

he just tells vincent to be careful, and only vincent. the playwright tends to just avoid leo at all times, but the message is very, very clear. no correspondence needed.

other than that, the two are very much in their own world

they always share their pieces with each other. when shakespeare comes up with a new script, he's always ready to regale it with vincent

likewise, vincent starts showing all his paintings to shakes like he would with theo.

at times, when vincent has no idea what to name the piece, shakespeare is actually willing to a hand at naming them. his suggestions are always met with an angelic smile.

to pay back for those favors, vincent is also completely willing to paint sets for his boyfriend. although its very serious work, considering just how much shakespeare cares for his plays.

but william doesnt complain. what his love does is always breathtaking, and there's a hint of pride that lingers in his heart when the audience murmurs about the beautiful sets.

such things begin happening way more often. in fact one day, will just asks vincent if he wants to move in with him

to his dismay, vincent does refuse. the painter isnt quite ready to leave theo just yet, more likely until younger bro is alright with their.. arrangements. those brothers need to work on some issues, in william’s opinion, and while it would serve as good script inspiration...

he just cant do it. not even the possibility of a when comes into mind

but the promise of having a future together definitely excites the both of them. it motivates them to work harder than before, and its just nice to have a semblance of a purpose

but for the meantime, the two are totally content to have a sleepover at shakespeare's villa. just themselves and their thoughts..

the two can totally just deal with the vincent search party in the morning.

[gg-astrology]

Hello, so I was looking over my natal chart and I realized a weird trend. My Sun, Mercury, Venus, and Mars are all in Gemini in the 10th house. Any possible insights I can draw from this, this is weird lol.

Hey there! 💕❤️Oh that sounds fun! 💕❤️💕❤️ I remember an anon dropping by and said they noticed a lot of rappers have Gemini MC, so I’m thinking of that now... but anyways, if have them conjunct to each other? Then maybe they could be a stellia... but if not then that’s ok too!! 💕❤️ There’s significance in that as well 💕❤️

Gemini in the MC ⬇️

For those with Gemini in the 10th house -- the energy is gathered to communicate effectively. This is the key intention, since most of the time Geminis are good at gathering information but it always wants to do something with it (thus why some frustration occurs in terms of ‘keeping’ or ‘stability’ in certain context)

It’s about manifestation of things/energy you exert out, it’s the external energy that identifies the self into the world, seek and provide whilst others are also providing back at you (receive). Without new products, there would be nothing 'more’ to add to the information we have. Progression and development, adding onto knowledge, and the effectivity that it’s working at are important to the Gemini. 

So with Gemini’s it’s important to realize that doing something with that energy/skill-set is also crucial to it’s overall cycle regulation/sense of self as well. We often talk about Geminis in terms of ‘network’ and ‘connections’ because that’s the manifested energy of the Gemini and what it attracts. These are the things that they can do with the energy/information. The product of it’s manifestation that underlines their very valuable skill-sets they can provide-- it’s in the manifestation of their energy, that is the Gemini’s greatest strength. 

For those with Gemini in the MC, Sagittarius is in the IC and learning where the line is between self-sufficiency, independence, individualism and increasing internal knowledge with those around them as well 💕❤️ Because the Gemini MC is rapid and fast, sometimes there may be oppositions from others who look only at their surface and determine who/what they are shallowly as well. 

The Gemini will have to overcome these prejudice/preconceived ideas/assumptions about them by relying on their manifesting ability and efficiency. Their ‘adaptability’ comes from having strong skill-sets, that could help them out, in any situation they come across/wants to be good in (*depends on context and aspects as well). 

This position talks a lot about mental/intellectual contributions, not just in one subject or another. The Gemini came to talk about all dualities in life. It is to help others see past their own values/importance and gain knowledge in the things that they might not see/do otherwise. The important thing about Gemini is that they do have knowledge, they just have to share it and doing so effectively as well. 💕❤️

Often it’s the rotation of information/energy with an underlying root-intention to increase/develop knowledge in oneself (besides just communicating, this is important to look for since ‘learning’ isnt always the same as ‘understanding/knowing’ -- the Gemini might find it wanting more stability or something to fall back on sometimes, which is why looking at  Sagittarius to help balance some of the energy will help them do something with their information as well) -- sorry if this is too long, but also looking at your Sagittarius IC can also help gather how to help this Gemini MC as well.

Anyways, I hope this?? makes sense?? 💕❤️💕❤️💕❤️ 

[solarianradiance]

Jellyatinous Rose

Calliope: Welcome lovelies, to oUr little get together for an adventure throUgh the Use of a Role-Playing Game system called DUngeons & Dragons! Tonight we have a new player joining in oUr dUngeon delving, oUr lovely friend, Roxy.

Roxy: hey erebody, its ur gurl roxy!

Dave: hey rox

Rose: Welcome to the game Roxy, nice to see you came tonight~

Kanaya: Pleasure To Have You Dear Roxy!

Jade: nice to see you again!

John: glad you could make it tonight!

Roxy: tnx 4 the warm welcum gaiz, makes me feel good bout this venture here

Roxy: so, when do we start playin?

Calliope: Shortlym bUtt first, we shall introdUce oUr varioUs party members for the road ahead, so that we may give oUr newest addition a chance to Understand her new chUms? Jade, why dont we start with yoU?

Jade: ok!

Jade: im a level 5 chaotic good gnoll ranger called groche’a, and i was ousted from my tribe for not wanting to plunder tombs for bones because i was scared of waking the dead and having them get revenge on us... which they did! im the only survivor!

Roxy: wats a goll? Roxy: *gnoll

Jade: a gnoll is a dog person

Jade: like this!

Roxy: oh so ur a hyna furry basically then?

Jade: well no, im more like a malamute husky, i actually based my character off of bec and what jake told me about my scratched other self

Roxy: yeah, ur gilf self was pretty smokin for an old lady, so i can c y u chose her

Jade: ...what?

Calliope: Lets keep this train of introdUctions going, Dave YoU’re Up love!

Dave: im dave, and im a barbarian. im a level 4 chaotic good guy i guess, gettin my rage on with my magic shit talking sword and doin all kinds of awesome shit!

Roxy: u men like connan the barbarian?

Dave: no, not liek conan Dave: *like Dave: fuck

Roxy: wats ur backstory?

Dave: im a kickass barbarian, i showed up one day and started kicking ass, what more backstory do you need?

Roxy: that sunds lame

Dave: youre lame

Calliope: Moving on, John, how aboUt we introdUce yoUr character?

John: im Salamon of the Hearthlands, a level 4 neutral good halfling jester!

Roxy: wats a halflin?

John: they’re pretty much just hobbits but a bit more... “earthly” i think would be a good word to describe them? they’re sort more vice than virtue and do things like eat a lot of food, take whats not theirs and breed like rabbits.

Roxy: le gasp, ur a bunny boy! that sounds adorable!

John: heh, no, im not a bunny, but i guess i am bunny-like in that sense

Jade: you know, that would actually be a good fursona for you

John: eh, nah, its not really my thing, besides im more like a tiger

Jade: hahahaha! no you’re not!

John: in fact i think would be more like tigra from thundercats

Jade: i said no. you’re fucking. not.

John: uuuuh!!!

Roxy: calli!

Calliope: Yes Roxy, what is it?

Roxy: can u make jon into a bunny boy?

Calliope: I... can, bUt I need a good reason like a magical invocation or something like that, I cannot simply do as I wish with the players whenever I wish.

Calliope: Besides, the game has not started. Rose, why dont yoU go next?

Rose: 𝐼 𝒶𝓂 𝒶 𝒩𝑒𝓊𝓉𝓇𝒶𝓁 𝐸𝓋𝒾𝓁 𝒟𝓇𝑜𝓌 𝒩𝑒𝒸𝓇𝑜𝓂𝒶𝓃𝒸𝑒𝓇, 𝒞𝓎𝒶𝒾𝓃𝑒 𝑜𝒻 𝐻𝑜𝓊𝓈𝑒 𝒢𝓊𝓁’𝒢𝒶𝓃. 𝑀𝓎 𝑀𝑜𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇, 𝓌𝒽𝑜 𝒹𝑒𝓈𝒾𝓇𝑒𝒹 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓂𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝒷𝑒𝒸𝑜𝓂𝑒 𝒶 𝒫𝓇𝒾𝑒𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓈𝓈 𝓉𝑜 𝐿𝑜𝓁𝓉𝒽, 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈, 𝐼 𝓈𝓁𝒶𝓎𝑒𝒹 𝒽𝑒𝓇 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓊𝓈𝑒𝒹 𝓂𝓎 𝒩𝑒𝒸𝓇𝑜𝓂𝒶𝓃𝒸𝓎 𝓉𝑜 𝓇𝑒𝓈𝓊𝓇𝓇𝑒𝒸𝓉 𝒽𝑒𝓇 𝒶𝓈 𝓂𝓎 𝓅𝓊𝓅𝓅𝑒𝓉, 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝒶𝓁𝒶𝓈, 𝓂𝓎 𝓅𝓁𝑜𝓉 𝓉𝑜 𝓉𝒶𝓀𝑒 𝒸𝑜𝓃𝓉𝓇𝑜𝓁 𝑜𝒻 𝓂𝓎 𝐻𝑜𝓊𝓈𝑒 𝓌𝒶𝓈 𝒻𝑜𝓊𝓃𝒹 𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝒶𝓈 𝐼 𝓂𝒶𝒹𝑒 𝒶 𝓂𝒾𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓀𝑒 𝒾𝓃 𝒸𝒶𝓈𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓂𝓎 𝓈𝓅𝑒𝓁𝓁 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓀𝑒𝑒𝓅𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒽𝑒𝓇 𝒻𝓇𝑜𝓂 𝓇𝑜𝓉𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝑜𝑜 𝓆𝓊𝒾𝒸𝓀𝓁𝓎, 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝐼 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝓈𝑒𝓃𝓈𝑒 𝒷𝑒𝑒𝓃 𝒾𝓃 𝑒𝓍𝒾𝓁𝑒 𝒻𝓇𝑜𝓂 𝓂𝓎 𝒽𝑜𝓂𝑒 𝑜𝒻 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒟𝒶𝓇𝓀 𝐸𝓁𝒻 𝒞𝒾𝓉𝓎, 𝑀𝑒𝓃𝓏𝑜𝒷𝑒𝓇𝓇𝒶𝓃𝓏𝒶𝓃, 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝓅𝓁𝑜𝓉 𝓂𝓎 𝒾𝓃𝑒𝓋𝒾𝓉𝒶𝒷𝓁𝑒 𝓇𝑒𝓉𝓊𝓇𝓃 𝓉𝑜 𝓇𝑒𝒸𝓁𝒶𝒾𝓂 𝓂𝓎 𝒷𝒾𝓇𝓉𝒽𝓇𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉 𝒶𝓈 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓈𝓊𝓅𝓇𝑒𝓂𝑒 𝓇𝓊𝓁𝑒𝓇 𝑜𝒻 𝓂𝓎 𝐻𝑜𝓊𝓈𝑒, 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓅𝑜𝓈𝓈𝒾𝒷𝓁𝓎 𝒶𝓁𝓁 𝑜𝒻 𝒟𝓇𝑜𝓌𝒹𝑜𝓂~ 

Roxy: ur kinda given me the willies theres rosie

Rose: Hah! Thank you! I try to accentuate the nature of the Dark Elves as much as possible~ I am a Level 5 Necromancer by the way, just so we are clear.

Calliope: That was a nice sUrprise, always good to see dear ole Rose to give Us a performance and bring a little life throUgh characterization. Now, for oUr last member, Kanaya!

Kanaya: Salutations, I Am Mildred Of Baldurs Gate! A Neutral Good Human Cleric Of Lathander. I Am Level Three And I Am Looking Forward To Keeping You Out Of Trouble, As I Am The Primary Healer Of The Group. Though I Can Take A Swing With My Shredder Axe If I Wish, I Can Be More Than Helpful In Most Situations! 

Roxy: i dunno boit that but i think ill be hpy 2 have u round when the magical shit hits the fan! Roxy: *about

Calliope: Well, now that we have oUr standing party’s introdUctions oUt of the way, how aboUt we have Roxy introdUce Us to oUr newest member?!

Roxy: what bout u calli, whats ur character?

Calliope: I am the DUngeon Master, I recant the tale to the party based on the actions and decisions they make. Technically, I am all of the characters that are not part of the party! BUt I do have a rather sUltry lass that i have been meaning to play for a while. When my tenUre as DUngeon Master is Up, I shall pass the responsibility of rUnning the game onto others and break her oUt!

Roxy: rly? what is she? tell me!

Calliope: She isn’t finalized, but shes a YUan-Ti Magician, specifically an assistant. Haven’t qUite figUred oUt if shes a fUll-blood or a half-blood.

Roxy: a yankee?

Calliope: A YUan-Ti is more or less a snake person, mUch like myself I sUppose. I’ll admit shes a bit of a self-insert, bUt I made her for immersion for flarping. John helped me in crafting her!

Roxy: oh... he did now, did he?

John: yeah! it was actually pretty fun! learning about the lore of the snake people was kinda neat!

Calliope: Indeed! And in retUrn, helped John create another character to pair alongside with her! He is also a Magician, and she acts as his assistant!

Roxy: assistant huh? does that mean you can make his magic wand

Roxy: disappear?!~♥

John: whoa! roxy!

Calliope: Making a Magicians Magic Wand disappear is childs play.

John: uh calli, thats not what she mea-

Calliope: BUt making his wand spit magical glowing seed, now thats the magic~

Calliope: Mwah!~♥

Dave: whoa-ho, damn!

Rose: Ooo, how racey~

Kanaya: I Must Admit, That Got Quite Raunchy Awfully Quickly!

Jade: you can do that?!

John: ok! moving on! time for your introduction rox, before this turns into a smut campaign.

Roxy: how do u know that it wont turn into 1 when i do get my intro on? ;)

John: rox!

Roxy: relax! im jus teasin y Roxy: *u

Roxy: ok, my character is xerox gundalf the pink! shes a level 1 chotic good gun wizard!

John: gun wizard?! that actually sounds cool!

Jade: that actually sound cool, maybe ill roll one next campaign!

Dave: gotta admit, that does sound pretty bitchin rp as

Rose: Um, Roxy, as creative as that is, “Gun Wizard” isnt a valid class within the ruleset of DnD.

Roxy: wat? naaah, its fine! got xeroxs character shit filled out and everything! even drew her!

Roxy: c? kickass sex witch! put a spell on u make u her enchanted slav! put a magic bullet in ur butt and set her enemies on fire! abraka-sexbang!!

Rose: But we already have a Wizardess! Why don’t you be another class, a legal one such as a Rogue or a Thief?

Roxy: those dont sound legal 2 me sister, sides im a rogue in real life! i dont wanna play a rogue i wanna b a badass gun wizard! calli help me out here

Calliope: Mmmmm, well, while technically “GUn Wizards” are not what they are called, “GUn Mages” are in fact an actUal class! So I sUppose thats no significant issUe

Roxy: gasp YAYS!

Rose: Wait, “Gun Mage” is an actual class?

Calliope: Why yes, it is! QUite the interesting one too, might even roll a character to play as one myself at some point!

Rose: Well, anyways, as I said, we already have a Wizardess, which is myself. So how about you roll Up a Rogue? John can moonlight as one, but he isnt able to specialize as one. Here, lemme just get you started and roll you a character right now!

Roxy: uh, no, imma play a wizard!

Rose: We’ll make her Neutral Good, for maximum opportunity while still being approachable. Some good Dexterity for all of that lockpicking you’ll be doing.

Roxy: rose, water u doin?

Rose: Dump all the skill points into stealth, traps, and lockpicking!

Roxy: ross! Roxy:*rose

John: you know i could just spec into those skills myself, i was planning on doing it anyways!

Rose: We can make her pink, with some blue trimmings~

Roxy: stahp!

*Roxy latches onto Rose’s pen hand, preventing her from drawing further. The two devolve into a bit of a struggle*

Rose: Stop... getting... in the... way, Roxy!

Jade: you do know you can multi-class in this game, right? as in you both can have both.

Roxy: well i don.. wann play... fuckin rogue, i wan be... a wizard of bullets!

Rose: We need a Rogue to-*is bitten*-FUCK! ROXY!

Kanaya: What Is Happening?

*Roxy and Rose devolve to a mother/daughter/sister squabble between petty bitches who both want the same thing, but are unwilling to share, complete with hair pulling, bites, scratches, clothes ripping and an assortment of name calling.*

*Its a good ole fashioned cat fight yy’all!*

Jade: shouldnt someone stop this? like kanaya, isnt this your thing?

Kanaya: ...I... Want To, But I Think I Am Enjoying The Sight Of This Conflict? Should I Do So Anyways?

Dave: with them? nah man itll sort itself out eventually. just let em get tuckered out.

John: ... roll for initiative?

Calliope: Haa! Hahahaha!

[yourjughead]

A2

Sweet Pea x Reader Requested (kind of)

A/N: so I have a bunch of other actually defined requests to write but when this lovely sent this to my inbox I felt instantly inspired even if it wasn't a total request (maybe it was idk?) But anyway, thanks for your lovely words. I wrote this tonight in a half an hour so sorry if it's not great, I just had to write while the inspiration was still there.❤️

----------------------------------

“Can you please hold still ynn”

“Ughh it's so boooring Pea” you whined, forcing yourself to sit up on the stool properly again.

“Well it's not my fault someone ate my bowl of fruit” Sweet Pea turned to Fangs who was swinging back in his chair, with his hands up in defense. Fangs winked at you before Sweet Pea threw charcoal at him, getting a clean shot into his eye. He howled immediately as the both of you laughed. Sweet Pea looked at you laughing at Fangs and quickly snapped a picture, neither of you noticing.

“It'll be easier to draw from a reference who doesn't have the bladder of a Chihuahua” you glared playfully at his words and he took another picture.

“Well with that Picasso, I have to leave, Dad will be expecting me home soon”

“Oh Dad must not know you're sneaking around with your boyfriend and his delinquent friends?”

“I'm not sneaking Fangs, everyone knows I hang around with you idiots, unfortunately”

“Leave her alone Fangs, no one is sneaking” Sweet Pea ended his sentence by locking his sad eyes on yours.

“Yeah leave me alone Fangs” you mimicked playfully, kicking one of the supporting legs from under him, sending him sailing back. You made an attempt to see Sweet Peas charcoal drawings only to have he immediately squirrel them away upon your approach. You had just accepted it, you would never see any of his drawings unless by accident, even after almost two years dating.

~

With a few texts later that day asking you to model for his college portfolio for the night, you agreed to stay, enjoying any time you could with your boyfriend, and at his trailer? What an unusual occurrence. Recently his mom left and so slowly he was letting you into SunnySide more often, without that witch around to threaten you.

You sat on a stool in Sweet Peas trailer much like you did in Fangs house earlier, bored already. Sweet Pea however was completely enthralled and by 11pm had gone through many pages in many different mediums of art and silenced and repositioned you countless times.

“Sweet Pea I really have to go the bathroom pllleeaaase” he rolled his eyes but even he needed a drink at this stage. He sighed before releasing you from your duties.

You had been in Sweet Peas home a few times since his mom left but never beyond the kitchen or living room for any reason, so truth be told you opening the door into his bedroom and not the one into the bathroom, which laid adjacent, was a total mistake.

“Wait no!” His words came too late, you had already stepped inside the swirl of paper he called a bedroom. Art supplies and paper covered every inch of the room, reams and reams of paper, endless amounts it seemed.

“Oh my goodness, you're a hoarder! My boyfriend is a hoarder! I'm going to end up on the news!” you laughed lightly at the sight, Sweet Pea stepped between you and the door, your chests almost touching.

“You don't need to see in there, it's all rough drafts of sketches that never came to be...it's all waste paper….and i don't know my socks are probably on the floor” you raised an eyebrow before stepping back as he closed the door again.

“Okay okay, if you insist...can I have a drink?” He nodded in compliance and as he stepped from blocking your way you lunged for the door, bursting through and into what felt like pages of a book.

“Ynn!” he was definitely too late this time. You has seen the countless drawings, sketches, etches of you and your friends. Paint, chalk, pastels, pencil, watercolour, you name it and there were half finished creations everywhere.

“Are thes- are these me?” You just collected a random sample from his barely legible desk, he seemed immediately ashamed taking them from you only to have you quickly replace them with others.

“They're not done...none of them are, I can't quite get you no matter what I do...you must think I'm crazy” you were almost too busy looking at the intricate details to hear him. You separated your eyes from the pages to focus on the walls. They too were covered with pages but also pictures. Pictures of you and your friends, you on your own, you and him. You traced your fingers across a few of them with Sweet Peas eyes fixed on your every movement for any sign of negative expression. Instead you just seemed amazed at the sheer quantity and quality.

“Ynn please say something, I might be sick if you don't"

“I love them Pea, I mean you might want to try to draw a few objects for the portfolio as well as portraits but still, wow” you continued inspecting before separating a picture of the both of you from the wall, a smile on your face at the sight. It was the both of you on his bike, making little goofy faces at one another, your shoulders encapsulated by his Serpent Jacket. You could almost feel the winter chill through the ink. Toni really was talented at capturing the ordinary.

“This is my favorite photo...you should draw this”

“I don't know ynn, I've never done a self portrait and-”

“Then I'll draw you and you can draw me? Please?” He couldn't say no to you, rolling his eyes before searching for materials.

“Are you sure you have paper?” You teased and he threw a slipper at you.

“Hey! What's with all the throwing lately!” You smirked, clutching the photo and his slipper.

~

Soon the two or you stood over a table and an A2 sheet. It didn't seem to make sense to you to work separately, instead you both were leaned over the table drawing around each other. At one point Sweet Pea stood behind you, a hand propping himself up alongside one of your arms, the other busy etching on the other side. He was literally drawing around you and the feeling of his arms on either side of you made you feel safe, his warm breath on your neck sent electrical shivers down your spine. You both blocked in the world surrounding your figures in the photo, Sweet Pea especially loving your attention to detail on his precious bike.

“How come you don't draw more often ynn?”

“I don't really know, I guess I stopped liking the solitary aspect of it...I much prefer this” he agreed and you both continued at the masterpiece into the AMs, finally stopping when 3 reared its head.

The both of you stood back to admire your lovingly crafted piece. It wasn't perfect or as susynced in style as if one person did it, but it was yours. Your two different styles melting together to create something unique and beautiful, something you both loved.

“So...who gets to keep it?” You finally broke them comfortable silence of two artists admiring their work, for Sweet Pea it felt like it was the first time he's ever done that. His brow stitched together and he swallowed hard.

“What is it Pea?”

“I wa- how did you know there's something?” neither of you letting your eyes leave the decorated paper.

“It's almost like I know you or something? Funny that isnt it?” you bumped your side off his.

“Well see….well see I was just thinking about maybe if we both kept it?”

“What you mean like half it?”

“Well no...I mean what if you just moved in here...you know for the sake of the art” your head snapped to his, recognising the monumentale courage it took for this relationship shy guy to take this leap. You nodded eagerly, draping your arms across his shoulders and meeting him sweetly with your lips.

“Yanno, for the sake of the art” he chuckled softly, leaning his forehead against yours, his warm hands on your hips as he gently swayed you both.

“Although I don't know about sharing with a hoarder...and if you draw me while I'm asleep, that is crossing some Twilight level boundary and I will break up with you” you laughed and he returned the same.

~

Soon the trailer was filled with your things, you hung his art from the walls properly much to his displeasure, only agreeing to it if you did the same with yours. The trailer was becoming a home like no other, a studio, a safe space. Sweet Pea happily settling into this new step with you.

An A2 hanging on the wall.

------------------------

Xx

[ambunny]

If it isnt too much trouble can I ask you to go in depth about the Yiynova tablet you have? I've been looking at display tablets for a while and you're the first artist I've followed using this brand, and im curious about the what you like and dislike about it

Hey there! I’m no master reviewer, but I can share my thoughts and experiences using this tablet. I hope it’s of some help to you!

Firstly, the model I have is the early model Yiynova MSP19U, which I got back in July 2013, making it around 5 years that I’ve had this tablet. I believe they don’t make this exact model anymore, they seem to have upgraded it to an MSP19U+. The one I have does not have the side buttons, the face of the tablet is completely blank (this is preferable to me though, as I’m left handed and having shortcut buttons on the left side would not be useful to me anyways!).

Here’s an old image of what it looked like on its sale page:

I’ll now mention some of my opinions in pros and cons that I’ve seen while using this product. Keep in mind this was my first monitor tablet, and it’s still the one I currently use! I have never used a Cintiq or seen another brand in use other than a Huion of similar size that my housemate owns, so I don’t have enough experience with other brands to compare them to this one.

PROS-

-cost, does its job well for much cheaper than many other competitive tablet brands

-viewing angles are great, I use this tablet both for art and also as my main viewing monitor for watching videos and browsing websites

-monitor settings/programming are very nice and have many options for customizing

-pen pressure is responsive, minimal lag, feels very natural to draw on

-size is large, can easily display art programs + open reference images and has lots of workspace to utilize

-colour quality is excellent. May require some adjustment through monitor settings to get to what you want. It also had no dead pixels on arrival, and 5 years later I only have one or two dead pixels on the entire thing that are barely noticeable.

CONS-

-pen it came with has a few annoying quirks: the buttons on it are easy to accidentally press (which causes it to interrupt lines) but are programmable and can be disabled, which I did. The pen also is not rechargeable and uses 1 AAA battery, which gives it a weight some people may dislike (I prefer it though, & I use rechargeable AAAs anyway). It has a screw-on cap which unfortunately can be easily over-tightened by accident, this has caused my pen’s cap plastic to split a bit, making it easy for the cap to fall off while drawing. Taping it shut has helped, although it’s annoying. Lastly, the pen’s thin rubber grip cover can slip off super easily, it can be annoying while drawing (I’ve since just removed it entirely). I have heard that they’ve updated the design of the pen to no longer be the one I have, and fix the many issues mine had. But I have not been able to try out the new pen design yet. Here’s what my pen looks like:

The new pen design shown in all of their pages now is this:

From the pictures I can see that this new pen is reinforced so it shouldn’t be able to be overtightened, and it seems to have a texture throughout instead of a removeable grip that slips. It still runs on battery, and the buttons are placed in a way it still looks like they might be easy to accidentally click during drawing, though.

-vesa stand plastic quality is a bit poor, mine recently had the hinge holding it together shatter, which made the tablet no longer able to be adjusted in height/angle. I had to do a DIY fix haha, so far it’s holding up okay but not as well as when it was in original working order. Here’s a small picture of my broken vesa stand hinge, pointing to the part on the tablet that I’m referring to:

-VGA cable is a bit outdated and also a very delicate, susceptible to bending. VGA is an old input that many newer computer graphics cards don’t support, so I had to purchase a VGA to DVI converter. Minor issue, as it works fine with the converter. The second problem is a bit more serious. The cables on the yiynova are very seemingly delicate. They worked fine for the first few years of use, but now if I so much as bump the cable, it distorts the display and makes it flash in RGB colours. This is due to my computer setup requiring me to bend the cable slightly in order to fit in the VGA converter + tablet cable between the wall my computer is against. Right now I’m at a point where I have to manually bend/straighten some parts of the cord using zip ties, for the display to show proper colours. Here’s a short video showing what I’m talking about, in it I am bumping the VGA cable to show how the screen goes to magenta by a simple touch (warning for people with epilepsy, flashing colours):

https://www.youtube.com/embed/3_B6Vsv6deA

-screen resolution is a bit weird to work with at times, 1440 is fine but 900 is on the lower side. Other reviewers have complained about fuzzy resolution, but it doesn’t bother me so much and/or I don’t notice it as much, but I would definitely prefer an HD version. However, for the cost this serves its job well.

-size is great workspace wise, but this tablet is far too big and heavy to easily take with during travel. For those who travel, this is definitely a home model not intended for that.

Ultimately, I truly believe this tablet is worth it. It is easy and fun to work with. You get what you pay for, as there are some mild quality issues BUT these may have been fixed or improved upon in the updated versions. I don’t have much money and can’t afford to replace higher-end purchases like this, so I tend to use things I have for as long as possible until they are entirely dead and irreparable, hence the DIY things I’ve done to repair the pen, vesa stand, and VGA cable. I’m not sure how long a tablet like this is supposed to last, but this one has survived 5 years of heavy use, including moving house multiple times as well as across country, and cats that like to play with cables and loose pens.

This is all I can think of for now, I hope it helped! Feel free to ask me if you have any specific questions :D

[silent-mime]

I haven’t been able to draw for like a year now because of my job and shit. Anyway here’s my seeker boy, Muckup, and a passage from one of his appearances in an rp with @sparksplitter that might eventually become a comic at some point below the cut. The context is an original universe in which Galvatron has merged with Unicron and is now waging war on the enemy cities of Cybertron. Rodimus was taken prisoner as a trophy after the destruction of Iacon. Within Kaon, he comes across an injured seeker in the medbay, whom he quicky connects with and wants to help.

.”The new bot was no bigger than Rodimus, hugging a loose, poorly welded panel over his abdomen. It was a young mech, still growing into his armor. He stepped in without a word, seeming to know exactly where to go without orders, walking past Rodimus to hop up on the vacant berth, pedes barely reaching the ground. He looked up at no one, staring down at the floor vacantly, his gaze hollow and lifeless.

   Rodimus sidled up to the new mech, friendly as ever. "Hey, you're pretty young. What's wrong?" He asked, trying to get the mech to speak. Seeing anyone around his age in this place was a treat. A potential friend who would understand what he was going though, but the young mech turned away from Rodimus immediately, trying hard not to look at anyone or anything in the room that wasn't the floor. He was pretty beat up, probably one of the bots who had joined Galvatron during their attack on the other cities.

   "You heard the mech" Scalpel prodded, very little bedside manner. "If you say what's wrong then it saves me a scrap load of wasted time."

   Again, nothing. His shoulders raised, helm lowering, body language proving that he was trying to hide from the world around him.

   "This is why no one took you in, Muckup! You like to make this slag harder on all of us!" Scalpel growled, looking back at Rodimus as if expecting the mech to agree with him that the other was being purposely stubborn.

   "Be nice. It's not easy being a mech our age in this place." Rodimus scolded the little bug, turning his attention back to the injured one. "You don't have to talk to me, but I'm a really good listener. I've heard all kinds of things too. maybe you can just point to what the problem is?" Tentatively, he touched the seeker's shoulder, "It's ok to be afraid"

   Muckup released a sharp gasp upon being touched, servos snapping out of their tightly folded knot against his chest only to be held up defensively. He looked back at Rodimus with the first hint of any emotion in his optics since he had walked in; absolute horror. Only when he had had the chance to register that he wasn't being hurt, his servos quickly clasped back down onto the botched weld job over his abdomen, looking back down to it frantically. The poor thing was nearly shaking, trying so hard not to let it show. He was well aware that their leader was sharing the room with them, and it only added to the pressure of needing to be strong. 

   "... It's not okay." Muck argued quietly, trying not to be heard by the others, his voice just a whisper for Rodimus to hear. "Fear is weakness. Weak bots offline.." His horror started to fade into faint trust, realizing that this strange fiery mech wasn't like the others. He stared in bewilderment at him for a klick or two before his gaze dropped down to Scalpel once more, who was now trying to shove his way between them to get on with the process. "I know I'm not wanted here. I wouldn't have come in again unless it was serious.. I tried to fix it myself but I--"  

   "But you did a rubbish job!" the medic scolded, waving a sharp claw at him before inspecting the plate. It wasn't even a proper repair patch, just a chunk of scrap metal that had been found, most likely off of a fallen enemy.  The young mech's shoulders fell, and Rodimus could practically watch the will power quickly draining out of him. He wanted to disappear.

   "Fear isnt weakness. Everyone is afraid of something. It's in overcoming the fear where strength is found. You can't compare yourself to these.. war mongrel mechs. You're young, you have time and experiences before you can have that power. Frag, look at me. I'm just a speaker for Primus. I can't fight, I tried to beat Galvatron with a banner pole and my bare servos." He offered a warm smile, trying to encourage. Poor mech.

   Rodimus's words were listened to openly, trying to cling to any thoughts that weren't Scalpel digging those sharp claws through the welds. Muckup's optics widened slightly in awe, finally realizing why Rodimus looked so familiar. "You're.. the bot who tried to stop our leader?" he echoed, a touch of life returning to that tired face. "I saw you, out there standing against him. I saw them take you. I wasn't with the others when they returned, I got left behind because.." His optics flicked back to Scalpel only for a second, before deciding that they didn't want to see him work. "But.. I saw them strap you up. I thought they were going to burn you. Why would he let a speaker of Primus live? Your god must really like you.. That must be nice."

   A quick yelp slipped out between them, Scalpel quickly covering his mouth to silence it. As the makeshift plate fell away, they were met with a gruesome sight. Muck’s denta locked in pain as a stifled whimper escaped him, his frame completely freezing to avoid making it any worse. The mech's abdominal plating had been sliced open wide, protoform visible and split open as well.  As if the gash alone wasn’t enough to churn the strongest of tanks, his internals were revealed in clear view, shifting and struggling not to spill right out of his frame now that the only support had been taken away. One look into Scalpel’s optics, and Rodimus knew that the young mech shouldn't have still been online with that kind of injury, but by some miracle he had made it, even after avoiding the med bay where he seemed to be most unwanted.

   "Ah.. Wow... look at you.” Rodimus hesitated, staring agape at the wound only for a moment before bringing his focus back to Muck, knowing what needed to be done. “You're so strong. So much stronger than you give yourself credit for. Not any much could have survived this, or made it all the way home. Still walking around like a champ." He forced a smile, and offered soothing petting to the mech's helm as he began telling the seeker a story of his own experiences in the past, hoping to keep him distracted. 

   Scalpel remained dead silent during the repair job, only after summoning Conduit, the other medic, over to bring him supplies. It had been a long time since he had faced an injury like this one, and he didn't have it in his spark to tell Rodimus that the mech most likely wouldn't make it. 

  Muckup had ended up shutting his optics tightly, gritting his denta while being worked on, occasionally peeking one open to look up at Rodimus and make sure he knew he was listening. It hurt too much to talk back, at least until the pain killers set in. When they did, the bot seemed to finally relax, lightly touching Rodimus's servo, his voice tired and weak. "I don't really mean to change the subject back to me again," he muttered, looking back to the bot who had been so kind to him. Rodimus was so nice, it was the first time he felt as though he could trust someone. "But Ive got this sinking feeling in my gut that I... might not be around much longer. That could just be my internals falling out.” He glanced away for a moment, his optics shutting in a wince before forcing himself to look back once more. “Can I ask you to do me a favour? I don't have any family left. My friends offlined when we were sparklings. If I offline, nobody is even going to know I existed.. I know you don't know me, but, I don’t want to be remembered as Muckup to the only person who knew me. Muckaround, or Muckabout, anything but Muckup. I don’t want to be remembered as a mistake."

Rodimus kept his gaze with sorrow in his own, gripping the younger mech’s servo with a determined strength, as though trying to siphon his own will power into the bot who looked so close to giving up hope. “You’re not a mistake. When you wake up, I’ll be here. You’re not going anywhere. Let’s just stick with Muck, until we can come up with something better, together. Deal?”

 The seeker didn’t have much of a chance to answer. His optics offlined again to try and stay focused on being conscious for as long as possible, but shortly after Rodimus had finished talking, he was out. It had just been too much strain on such a young and weary bot, and his chassis needed to rest.

   Several hours passed before Scalpel set down his tools, collapsing. His digits ached, servo joints sore, rubbing his face tiredly. This wasn't supposed to become such an emotional roller coaster. They sat in silence for a good while, but eventually, the arachnicon set his tired optics back on Rodimus, who had been at the edge of his seat the entire time, his servo never once letting go of the unconscious seeker’s. 

"He.. might make it." Scalpel finally mumbled, resting his helm on the edge of the tray of tools. "No promises."

[sweetlifetownsville]

Hard Going Getting On Top Of The Hill: The Mayor's Magnificent Mount Louisa Make-Over Might Stumble At The First Jump

And Jenny knows about the problem, but is blithely telling us its all go, when it may well be all stop. The Pie shares a most interesting email. The old bird can reveal that Mayor Jenny Hill IS under investigation by Brisbane authorities for possible misconduct and watching all the fumbling inanities coming over the next 12 months in the run-up to local council elections is going to be more fun than watching a blind man trying to get out of a door knob factory. To that end, The Pie this week introduces a new occasional award, The Codswallop Cup. No shortage of contenders. Also, our new white ele sorry, stadium, has hit more turbulence as it rises from the mud and Lozza Lancini will not be a happy chappy. Bentley has a say on George Pells new lifestyle And our regular gallery from Trumpistan. First, Hot Of The Rumour Mill

The most interesting rumour has just floated into the Nest. Its unverified (well duh, thats why its called a rumour) so well have to wait until the Astonisher plays catchup sometime this week. The Pie hears that the only two tenderers for the new stadiums ultra-lucrative catering contract , one being the incumbent Spotless and one being the Cowboys Leagues Club, have both been excluded for non compliant tenders to do with not paying award wages. So back to square one for the new stadium and where does that leave Spotless in the current stadium? For the answer, check the Astonisher around oh, say, next Friday, by when Lozza Lancini will have told iditor Jenna Cairney what she can say about this. Pell Mell Nothing has been quite as spectacular in the annals of fallen high flyers than that of George Pell, who has swapped his glittering Mardi Gras cardinals robes for prison drab, after being sent to chokey for six years (to serve 3 years and 8 months before eligible for parole) for what only be described as the most brazen, power-deluded child abuse imaginable. Indeed so brazen as to leave lingering doubts among some observers whether such things couldve happened as described, but an appeal will sort that out, after all, the jury knows things that we do not. Now Georgy Boy faces another biased jury his fellow inmates, a class of folk not known for their strict adherence to jurisprudence rules and who exercise their own summary justice according to their own morals and mythology. And Bentley reckons you never know who youre going to bump in in the Yard.

And The Pie says to those who say the term is not enough, rest assured, for a man of Pells pomposity, ego and age, he has been handed a life sentence of one sort or another. One imagines there is one person who will give Judge Peter Kidd the thumbs up.

Shifty Business Delivering on promises is a tricky business, especially when our mayor is in campaign mode. Today, we were offered this little bit of click bait.

But when we went through to the story, what we got was this

Uncanny how this is so ambiguous, like the Castle Hill upgrade itself. Now this is media sleight of hand at its clumsiest, making a highly speculative project sound like solid fact. Interesting because it simply that the TCC will start drawing up plans for what it would like to see at Mt Louisa and crucially for mayor Mullet is the quote: with construction expected by the end of the year. Community engagement started this week and will continue until the end of April. The Pie thought, well thats a nice idea, if conveniently timed to become a re-election boast, but hey, good for the huffnpuff crowd. Then this morning, (Sat) an email fluttered into the Nest. From Angela Sacilotto Councillor Jenny Hills grand plan for Mt Louisa is another political stunt with council elections due in March 2020. TCC do not own all of Mt Louisa. I own a 8 ha block right across the middle of the hill. I have told TCC I do not want to sell. Havent been able to verify Ms Sacilottos information, but she volunteered her contact details and phone number if The Pie wanted a chat about the matter (which for reasons well known to regular readers, is not a viable option since the recent operation.) But The Pie would guess there will be whole lot more to the meaning of community engagement when Mayor Mullet reads this. it is known that Jenny Hill does not like being crossed by people with legal rights who stand in the way of her grand visions, so this community engagement with Ms Sacilotto could involve nipple clamps, a car battery and wet towels . But That May Be The Least Of Her Problems Cant reveal too much at the moment, but our mayor is being officially investigated possible misconduct over her Adani links, particularly arising out of her trip to India. This will not be a revelation on her, because she has been informed of the issue by the Brisbane based investigating body, and what is officially termed overt inquiries are underway. Perhaps no biggy (but then again ) but not a great look for someone who once expressed her admiration for Ipswich Mayor Pisasale. What Dreams May Come, As Willy Shakespeare Once Said All this has led to The Magpie being told that Jenny, a Hitchcock fan, recently watched his classic The Birds, but when she went to bed, she had an horrific dream.

Serves her right for throwing darts at a much loved and protected Australian species. THIS WEEKS CONTENDERS FOR THE CODSWALLOP CUP Its a crowded field. Cmon, Really? Cmon now, seriously Jenna Cairney? Is this all youve got?

Listen, me dear old haggis-head, getting shocked by a menu may apply to a Korean doggy delicacy, a Vietnamese cockroach kebab or the price of a pie at the footy, but because this mob is adding burgers bloody good old Aussie burgers we Aussie snowflakes should be shocked? Do you not understand how insulting this advertorial pap is? One seriously has to question whether the decision makers who publish this clap trap have an IQ above room temperature. A Group Effort Where to start with this one, the inanity is of such magnitude that The Pie is tempted to inaugurate the Clusterfuck Cup as a separate category.

This mind-blowing little corker of an idea is called the Palmer Street Precinct Activation project, and involves wait for it a bit of new lighting along the street, and a new sign saying hang on again Palmer Street.

The plan was obviously to give re-election hopefuls a bit of sorely needed publicity (youd think on recent photographic evidence, Messagebank Walker and Ann-Maree Greaney are going steady). But for other reasons, the story raised both an eyebrow and a guffaw at the same time. Chef/restaurateur Matt Merrin, normally a sensible and successful man, made a right goof of himself when he (reportedly) told the paper the changes would transform Palmer Street into a world class destination. It will be something that visitors to Townsville can Instagram, take photos of and sell the message to the world. Its going to bring new investment back to Palmer Street (question: how does new investment come back?) Weve had many restaurants close over the last 12 months, this will inspire new restaurant owners and people to come back into Palmer Street and be part of the precinct it once was. A world class destination? Matt, a message from The Magpie, mate lay off the cooking sherry and exotic herbs before talking to the Astonisher (FFS, mate, youre even holding your glass crooked.) The story also informs us The dining strip received some upgrades during the preparations for the Commonwealth Games last year. Oh did it? Very similar upgrades in scale to the ones now proposed , as The Pie remembers. So in the year since that spruce up, two Palmer Street nose-baggeries have gone belly-up. But somehow, this one is going to usher in a new era? Hows that? But heres the best bit in the original story, Ann-Maree Greaney said the lighting would keep people, particularly women, safer that apparent admission that the council has allowed Palmer Street to operate without adequately safe lighting for years has now been removed from the story. What fucking planet are you from, you lot? Reporter Chris Lees, have you no dignity? Or sober judgement? Did TCC media gopfer Simpo Templeton have anything to do with this, its about his speed? Well, anyway Anthony, unlike the when at the Astonisher, at least in your TCC role you dont have to put your name to your cock-ups. 3. Off The Rails Then on Thursday, we had this little bit of fluffy irrelevancy.

But no sooner had this flimsy kite taken to the sky, than the Astonisher itself cut the string on Friday with this:

What city rail plan? There wasnt any, the original story was a campaigning thought-fart from the desperate Clr Jacob. Clever though, isnt it write bullshit one day and call it out as bullshit the next. Gotta luv the ol Astonisher. A Miscellaneous Magpie Whinge The Magpie is deliberately not talking about or seeking comment on the massacre in New Zealand, he has no words, certainly none that would contribute positively to this dark deed of pure evil. But coverage does prompt The Pie to vent about a favourite piece of nanny state demeaning idiocy can we please move away from the rubber-faced sign language person standing next to officials who are often making statements about deeply disturbing matters. Often signing involves grotesque and to the uninitiated completely inappropriate comical facial expressions. This presents the twin problems of distraction for the general audience and indignity for the subject of the media conference.The Pie doesnt know what the average deaf audience would be at any given time not many one would guess and yes, there are times like bushfire and flood updates where this information should be conveyed in this manner. But shit folks, heres a newsflash for more 60 years now, real time lower screen captioning has been available, or as all sports directors so slickly employ technology for a smaller, less distracting vision box to one corner. To currently give such a minority a so distracting and undignified presence is not necessary and lacks dignity, and disturbs concentration on what can be vital messages. Of course, nanny staters wont agree. Speaking Of The Nanny State Our evolving language, not always for the better, now features the term woke, as in are you woke to climate change? or any number of other social issues. It means are you alert to, but as so often happens, we too readily adopt the argot of the ill-educated as some sort expression of being cool and identifying with a group one wouldnt normally break bread with. The lovely thing about this nonsensical use of substitute language leaves it wide open for hysterically funny skewering and in this classic piss take Are You Woke? from a fed up Tracey Ullman. The Clock Is A-Ticking The Brexit imbroglio is increasingly hard to follow (or for The Pie, to care much about) but one of the cleverest pictorial comments the predicament of Theresa (dis)May(ed) comes from the Guardians Steve Bell.

And More Of The Same From Trumpistan A lot of attention continues to surround the tumble of democrats eager to take on President Trumpet at the polls next year. And the interest has been heightened by someone not running.

. The ducking, weaving and hilarity of the comments section runs 24/7, so give us of your best, folks. And if you like the blog, you can show your appreciation with some sorely needed financial support, the how to donate button is below. http://www.townsvillemagpie.com.au/hard-going-getting-on-top-of-the-hill-the-mayors-magnificent-mount-louisa-make-over-might-stumble-at-the-first-jump/

[lifegoeson-wecarryon]

YouTube AU Chapter 6

YouTube AU That-STILL-Doesn’t-Have-A-Name-Yet Words: 1105 AU Summary: Simon and Baz are popular YouTubers with a rivalry. Chapter Summary: Trixie receives a message. Keris goes to class. Someone new watches Trixies art stream. Keris distracts herself from the cocky kid who can't take a hint. First Chapter | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

{ Gaaah! I keep posting chapters late, sorry! Also this chapter isnt really the best lmao i hate it but at least im giving you some new characters haha }

[ Trixie ] I get a text from one of my "Snowbaz Correspondents." Philippa lives in the same town as Agatha, Penelope, and Simon. It's an attachment, so I have to wait a bit for it to download. When I open it, I see Agatha walking with a man. I let out a squeal when I recognise him. Keris is sitting at our table reading, and looks over at me, so I rush over and show her the picture. "Is that..." "It is!" I smile brighter at her, and she smiles back. "Does this mean the rumours are true, then?" "Keris, we have to go. I can't miss this and you know it." She leans over to kiss my cheek, and I giggle softly. "I already bought them when Agatha posted that she'd be going. I figured that you would want to see her, Penny, and Simon together before she moves." I respond by climbing into her lap and saying "thank you" in between kisses.

[ Keris ] We only break because I have classes. I go to school at West Herts College. My favourite class is Creative Writing, which I am heading to now. I have Interior Design directly after. I walk in a few minutes early, and Professor Salisbury is sitting at her desk, reading Attachments. She's told the class that we're allowed to call her by her first name, Lucy, but doing that just makes me feel awkward. I set my stuff down at my desk, and she looks at me, that bright smile of hers quickly forming on her face. "Keris, may I speak with you for a moment?" I feel my heart beating faster as I nod, walking over to her. (I always get anxious when professors ask to talk to me. I know I shouldn't be, especially with her, but I can't help it.) "What is it, Professor?" She shakes her head, but knows by now that I won't call her Lucy. She opens a drawer and pulls out a flyer, handing it to me. "Watford Area Arts Forum Literature Competition." She says. "You want me to enter?" She nods, slowly. "Only if you want to, of course. This years theme is Magic, and the word limit is 500 words. I feel like you'd do well, so good luck!" "Thanks..." I say, shoving the flyer in my back pocket. I quickly head back to my seat, just as Salem walks in. Fucking Salem. I swear, he's only taking this class to torture me. Thankfully, Professor Salisbury starts the class before he can say anything about the lipstick on my neck.

[ Trixie ] I'm chatting with my friends and drawing in my stream, when I notice a new username in the chat list. I blink a few times, and then rub my eyes. It's Penny! Wow. Simon Snow's best friend is in a Snowbaz Art Stream. I mean, it's no secret that she ships them. But I never imagined that she'd come to one of my streams! I have to hold back a squeal- my mic is on, and so is my video. Okay, Trixie. Play it cool. "Is it just me," I say, "Or is the great Penelope Bunce, Simon Snow's best friend, watching my stream?" I look over at the chat.

pennyforyourthoughts: Oh hey, you caught me.

I smile, softly. But really, I'm screaming on the inside. I feel myself getting nervous, and I make a few mistakes on my current drawing. I decide to work on it later- it's a big project thing, anyway. Instead, I pull up a drawing meme and ask for suggestions.

QueenElspethTheFourth: Draw Simon in e3!

I chuckle a bit. "What am I going to do for the baby, then?"

mintygreenwithenvy: lmao make a snowbaz lovechild QueenElspethTheFourth: Oh my god, yes. DO IT.

I laugh again, but give in to their demands. I draw the quick doodle, giving the baby blue eyes, curly black hair, and freckles. It's so adorable, I have to save and post it later. I save the image, but I can't figure out what to call it. I type 'Simon and', before pressing my brows together in frustration. "What should I name her?" I ask, but the chat grows silent. "Come on guys, she needs a name!"

pennyforyourthoughts: I just had the best idea. pennyforyourthoughts: What if you name her Natasha Scone Snow-Pitch?

"Oh my god!" I can't help but giggle. "That's so cute, oh my god." I type in the name, and save it. "How'd you come up with that?"

pennyforyourthoughts: Natasha was Baz's mum, yeah? He told me once that he wants to name someone after her. mintygreenwithenvy: aw, thats so sweet!! pennyforyourthoughts: And giving his kid the middle name 'Scone' is definately something Simon would do, lmao. QueenElspethTheFourth: Imagine Simon trying to tell everyone that her first name is Cherry. pennyforyourthoughts: There's a 500% chance that he would do that. Yes, good.

"This is so beautiful, I'm gonna cry..." I say, as I dramatically pretend to wipe a tear from my eye.

[ Keris ] I might enter that competition, actually. It'd be good practice- I don't write about magic often. And those tickets did cost a lot of money. I could use the extra cash. Although, I'm not very good at word limits. When I start writing something, I write and I write and I write. When I'm done writing, it's two or three times that length. "Daydreaming again, ain't cha?" I sigh, suddenly remembering I'm in class. "Can't blame you, Miss Lucy is ridiculously boring." I turn around to face him, he's getting on my nerves again. "Then why are you even taking her class?" "'Cause I'm a generous guy, and I know you can't get enough of me." I roll my eyes and turn back to the front. "It's more like I always get too much of you." "Keep telling yourself that, babe." I know he's wearing that stupid grin of his- I can practically hear it form on his face. He continues to try and talk to me throughout class, but I ignore his efforts. Instead, I think about Trixie. She's probably livestreaming right now. I think that's all she does at home. Either that, or watching videos on YouTube. I've been thinking about starting a channel, actually. But I'm not sure what I would do on it. I'm a quiet person, so I wouldn't really vlog. I don't play video games or do make up. And I can't sing- Trixie says I sing beautifully, but I don't really think so. The only things I really love are Writing and Trixie, but I don't know how I can possibly share that on film.

[perfectionistincrisis]

Day 37 (& 36,35,34,33 ..blabla)

Not much to tell.

It’s just that um. Yeah, things are different. Life is different. I am different.  I am not that familiar with this version of me and don’t know how much I am capable of. But I know that I got a lot weirder. I could hardly care or give a shit about most of the things. Ignorance is my best defense mechanism; I tend to ignore/ keep away things which get to me.  However, everything comes with a price. I get crazy crayyy crayyy zee cravings from time to time. Sometimes it’s food, sometimes it’s shopping. Sometimes it’s taking a perfect picture of food maybe, or of something. Idk. depends on situation os surroundings. Sometimes its looking for the perfect shoe online, and other times the perfect lipstick shade. Or other times its making a list of all the make up products I want to buy. Sometimes im deciding which mall to go to and when. Other times i am thinking which restaurant to go to and when. Sometimes in the most random way possible i start thinking of any specific food and crave it badly and almost feel its taste in my tongue, other times I am making decisions of how I will be eating healthy and making big lifestyle changes.  Sometimes thinking of how little minor details in life, the ways people interact, the comments people make, the way people look at you, the way you respond to someone, the feelings that are being expressed, the feelings that are being suppressed can mould a persons life in such different ways and affect someone so deeply.. thinking of it all draws tears to my eyes.. The world is a harsh place. We might consider ourselves as “human beings”; the civilized creatures but in reality.. I think there is not much difference. We are only a little better than animals who need to be “tamed”. Infact, even harder when we are the ones who need to tame ourselves because everyone is damaged in their own way. No one is perfect, no one was taught how to survive life. Its like you were dumped on earth and you need to figure things out for yourself but hey that’s kind of okay once you know that this is what youre supposed to do. But what about those people who think they are doing right. Who think it is okay to be exactly the way they are now. Hahaha, I guess I sound like I am angry with humans lol. But nah, I dont really care tbh. Now this would be a lie maybe in the past where I would just be “trying” to not care, but now! I actually dont! but that doesnt mean I can totally ignore bullshit happening in this world. but yeah, it doesnt really get to me so much! Anyways, moving on. So yeah! How i survive. Well at times I kind of lose it and get really attached to materialistic/ worldly luxuries! Like i-neeed- to buy this. I -need- to go there. I -need- to eat this. Sometimes it is posting a pic on instagram, where life is so sugarcoated and nice. I have been working on it for a long time. I really have a thing for taking pics of food mostly or other things or myself and when I pick some of them, and put them together and theres a chronological order being maintained to some extent. Just scrolling through it, your life flashes in front of you to an extent. Its nice.  Now one might think that i could do the same scrolling through my gallery too but theres a difference. First, since i am a person who is a sucker for taking pics, my gallery is overloaded! Back in high school, my pictures wouldnt just take up the whole of my gallery but also would fill up my friends’ phones too! they would literally have way more pics of me than their own selves. But the difference is that id chose pics which i would want to upload, which are okay to be shared. Btw its not really like i upload my -best- pics. most of the times it is one of the average ones. As much as i would like sharing ‘dark’ parts of me, I am also not comfortable sharing good ones all the time. well anyways, so yeah thats enough about pics i suppose lol i can go on talking all day wow ‘-’

Okay then there’s me having this strong urge to eat something, or go shopping and buy something and all of that. How i deal with that? well sometimes it really gets on my nerves and that is bad. And then i realize i am diverting my aims in life and yeah that is pretty much it. I just get my mind to think straight and I am fine for some time. it sounds really simple yeah, but its really really bothering when i crave for anything! like it really gets to me to really extreme levels. its all i think of and i cant concentrate or do anything peacefully. but when i get back to my senses, everythings fine again.

This was just one side of things. There is another side to. This one’s easy! I sleep. or just sit and do nothing. When i say nothing i mean it. Its not like i am on my phone and im going through every social media app scrolling on and on and doing nothing. its not like i am sitting on my laptop and doing nothing. It notttttt! When i say doing nothing i mean it. Nothing. I am just sitting with no gadgets, nothing. No i am not even lost in deep thoughts about anything. Like i said, ignorance is my escape. I just dont care enough to get to do something, anything. So i end up sleeping! And except for pee breaks, i can sleep for hours and hours like wow! this was so not me lol! I actually didnt like sleeping so much, well not like i like it now. I mean yeah i do sleep a lot but not because i like it. I am neutral, there is nothing it like about it and i might have hated it earlier but now i dont hate it either. I mean before i used to think there is so much to lose of people keep sleeping all day. Well right now I still have the same idea but i mean at this phase in life right at this moment, for me, there isnt much I am losing while sleeping so its ok. 

So yeah, those are the two extremes i keep shifting between! extreme cravings for the weirdest things followed by letting go of all this materialistic desires/ urges and getting my thoughts clean! Or doing literally nothing, not caring at all, ignoring anything and everything and sleeping! 

Um well thats it. Now before finishing up there are two things I wanted to point out! 

One is that my food cravings dont really have anything to do with the fact that its Ramadan, because I havent fasted a day yet. i mean food was always important to me. It helps me deal with things both mentally and emotionally since always.. Same as spending money on shopping! 

And the other thing I wanted to point out is him.  There is nothing new i can tell about him. just that he is always on my mind. Always. To keep it short, its like the ONLY  thing that has changed is that we dont talk. AND that is a big big big thing. but that is the only thing. That is how i feel! And since it is a big big big big thing (way bigger than all the bigs I put in there) it s not cool! But idk  I just miss telling him how much i love him.. Okay i was never a person who was into ‘telling’ that cause i really really believe that actions speak louder way louder than words when it comes to those 3 words -i-love-you- but yeah! that doesnt mean id be cool if someone would just act it out and not tell me so lol.  And yeah so its the same right now. I mean i really feel like I would never fail in acting out my love for him. I am  just that certain and aware of how much he means to me. So yeah, that is why i said. that i miss telling him so. that i love him.. I miss being able to do so.. Ummm yahhh So that’s it! Pretty long post ik but kinda making up for the extremely tiny mini posts for the last few days but yeah i pretty much covered what is going on with me this whole time so yeah!  :) 

[crown-eater]

A maze of pain and insane fantasies

Over the course of the past week, ‘Choly had been making a genuine effort to start moving into Cecil’s apartment beyond simply leaving a few belongings here and there as he came and went. Things hadn’t quietened down on the Bell front, but his landlady had served him yet another "final notice” that felt more ominously terminal than the others that had come before it. So between acclimating to his metagenesis and running errands for Bell, Chalcedony, and the Tellurides, he had found himself doing his best to at least scavenge the important things.

Like the leg lamp.

The leg lamp caused a huge fuss, and it ended up in the garbage at least twice. Cecil hated the thing, but it was one of ‘Choly’s most cherished possessions, one of the few things he felt his mother’s hoarding habits had yielded to benefit. He had no idea why it existed, or what cultural significance it might have had, but it was his and he loved it. Ultimately the lovers had to agree to disagree, and the leg lamp moved around the apartment as Cecil repeatedly disowned it. ‘Choly always returned it to the side-table beside the daybed he’d taken for his own.

'Choly had a sizable collection of physical copy novels, including his most prized possessions Roadside Picnic and Crash, the former of which being a nearly verbot relic and thrill token, a tangible piece of Quarter history. But, the stack of roughly a dozen novels paled as child’s play compared to the walls of Cecil’s apartment so densely lined with bookshelves that he also used them as sectional dividers. Cecil had been spelunking to rescue books since childhood, and he cultivated two very different collections from the life’s work: one at the physical copies wing of the library, a good third of it his own additions, and a second at home. His private collection was comprised of books which catered to his own personal interests, including many books too damaged to donate or too controversial to air in public.

Unprecedented for ‘Choly was the experience of a good Wi-Fi signal in a private setting. Cecil had left ‘Choly to the task of unpacking a couple of boxes while Cecil went to work for the day, and once ‘Choly felt like he had gotten sufficient progress, he treated himself to Web surfing unabated.

The notification sound of his chat app startled him, and at first he was disgruntled because an unfamiliar username was messaging him.

9augen: hey you havent been posting very much lately

9augen: everything all right?

9augen: this is rev by the way

«There you are, you stupid ghoul,» he thought to himself. «So you went silent for over a month and came back with a new username. Clever.»

ketherphorbia: *i* haven’t been posting much lately?

ketherphorbia: welcome back to the land of the living

9augen: not quite

9augen: i was just wondering. isnt like you. didnt even make a journal post

9augen: usually you vent if somethings wrong?

ketherphorbia: you’re honestly the only person who’s noticed the radio silence, ironically

9augen: why wouldnt i notice? youre my favorite for reasons you know

ketherphorbia: ...i guess if i can dish to somebody, it’d be you

ketherphorbia: i, well

ketherphorbia: i did it. i tried it.

9augen is typing...

9augen: whatd you get your hands on???

ketherphorbia: the junk that’s making all the stalkers sick. fluxeldrin. turns out my assumptions were wrong. it’s not what made the supermarket geek

9augen: ...

9augen: the slag does it do to a dreg then

ketherphorbia: a lot of what it did really slagging sucks. i’ve mentioned my joint disorder before. all those symptoms are magnified to a fault. i...

ketherphorbia: i kinda literally fall apart now

ketherphorbia: on the plus side, it did make me a meta. a really shitty meta, but ME. a META.

9augen: magic fall apart powers sound incredibly useful to me

9augen: haha pics or it didnt happen

ketherphorbia: yeah i thought you were as hard over this as me, you dreg

ketherphorbia is sending a file DSC39082_100-3493.JPG.

ketherphorbia: it stretches pretty far actually

9augen: fuck--

9augen: shit--

ketherphorbia: did i break you? you should see tricks my dick can do now

9augen: i--

ketherphorbia: i really need to take pics of that, but i’ve been kind of nervous to post ‘em anywhere

9augen: slagging cocktease the fuck man. im at a finnegans

ketherphorbia: sorry

9augen: no you arent. one of the reasons i love you

ketherphorbia: yeah no you’re right. you know me too well

9augen: ive told you before i think youre cute right

ketherphorbia: slag, the skin thing makes it hard to disagree with you

9augen: i never sent you a pic of me did i

ketherphorbia is typing...

ketherphorbia: i’m taken, y’know, but no. you haven’t.

9augen: i know. youre a chouay nasty little creature now like youve always wanted. maybe not the next clayface. but you still have got this teratophilic dregs heart pounding hard tonight

ketherphorbia: ...i try

9augen: theres a reason i havent sent you a pic before, but the reason i was quiet for the past month makes things a little more comfortable. i used to be pretty selfconscious about photographs

ketherphorbia is typing...

ketherphorbia: i have no idea what you could even possibly be going on about. you trying to tell me something happened last month? are you going to tell me what happened or not

9augen: The vampire stuff isn’t an act anymore.

ketherphorbia is typing...

ketherphorbia has stopped typing.

ketherphorbia: WHAT

9augen is sending a file DSC92734_101-2245.JPG.

ketherphorbia cancelled the file transfer.

9augen: the slag did you do that for

ketherphorbia: vampires don’t show up in pictures

9augen is sending a file DSC92734_101-2245.JPG.

9augen: very funny bugdick

ketherphorbia: ...a hybrid...?

9augen: im more lamprey than anything else. but theres a lot of nuance to the cocktail. fine tuning

ketherphorbia: ...gives a whole new meaning to ‘body modification.’ how the slag did you even get that done last month? isn’t that stuff banned?

9augen is typing...

9augen: slag i hear somebody griping at the waitress about the smell of me. like some dead thing crawled out of the bay. shes probably going to kick me out. i should get going anyway

ketherphorbia: rude. you a wifi hopper too then?

9augen is typing...

9augen: parting thought for you though. i want my mouth all over every inch of that metahuman skin of yours. just imagine all the perfect lancet marks making lace out of you.

ketherphorbia: you show up in pictures. i really doubt i could keep you away just by not inviting you in.

9augen: im pretty sure they just called the cops. not the evening i was anticipating

9augen: i gotta get a bite to eat. later dreg

9augen: and would you really do something to keep me away? ;)

ketherphorbia is typing...

9augen is offline.

ketherphorbia: did you just--

‘Choly nearly flung the reader once his friend logged off without further answers. Had Rev just implied what it had sounded like? After a minute of trying to calm down, he opened the vampire’s selfie again and stared. He’d snapped that picture in the Finnegan’s. Time-stamp aside, ‘Choly could recognize the newsprint-plastered walls in the background--that was a frequent Wi-Fi lurk for him. The fact the two shared a stomping ground but had never initiated meeting in person haunted ‘Choly a bit. But now, his friend was a lot less inconspicuous.

He decided to make lunch instead of try to linger on the chaos that just thrust itself upon him. Hours later, he was checking his mail on his reader, and had gotten correspondence from a 9augen email. The following thread of emails were exchanged over the course of just over two months.

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To: ketherphorbia@geemail.com From: 9augen@tricity.co.dv Subject: Sorry to have cut out on you like that. —————————————

I suppose I do owe you an explanation, Kether. We’ve known each other long enough, and we trust enough enough. Yes, I did get the work done last month. Yes, that kind of work is verbot. Yes, I’m supposed to keep hush-hush about it until the coast is clear. But, I know I can trust you with the knowledge that the movement is still very much alive and kicking.

You like stories. How about some non-fiction for a change?

I didn’t know what to expect when I went to see him. Aside from what little understanding of splicing I had through news coverage, all I knew of it had been vampires in my coven who’d had the fortune--and I use that word in both senses--to have had work done while it was still legal, to become more like themselves and live as the creatures of the night they were in their souls.

There’s still a lot of under the table activity. Alleyways, clinics. People get work done however they can sneak it. One girl came into this one club a few months ago, even, said she’d traded a few sexual favors for the funds to get a splice that’d emulate albinism for her and would cut her teeth. She was having great difficulty keeping herself from feeding directly from the flesh afterward. They hadn’t used sterile equipment, and the last thing she wanted was to contaminate the coven or its donors. She became a pariah for her limitations after the coven learned of the blood disease. Requiring blood be drawn, rather than be capable of drawing it oneself, is weakness, and in one of us weakness is revolting. And she wasn’t strong enough to accumulate the funds to go about seeking a cure, to dig herself back out of her self-imposed grave.

I was so wary of botched jobs, of diseased implements, of cut dosages... Everything after the ban went into effect sounded too good to be true, that anyone might ever have the chance to get work done again by someone with both the credentials and accommodations to do it and do it well. A friend of a friend was in with one of the underground grafters, got us private referrals for a new project, at a cut rate due to it being a test procedure. None of us was given the same time. The location was a residential address, an apartment in the lower-mid of Union City. Nice, but still obviously it was an aging complex. A feathered girl greeted me and, after confirming I was alone, ushered me inside. Despite being a residential space, the whole place was set up like a laboratory. It was prodigious.

I went in with a lot of specific plans in mind. I told the grafter the things I wanted. Heavy on the bat serum. Wolf eyes. I had the money and the opportunity, and I was going to get exactly what I wanted out of it.

Turns out, I only thought I knew what I really wanted out of it.

Let me tell you. This Linnaeus is the most intimidating, persuasive, and completely dominating individual you will ever have the pleasure of meeting. He’s also probably the most brilliant. I couldn’t even begin to guess what species he’s got in him. In the month since, I’ve been told he specializes in splicing with extinct species. I would call bollocks on such a claim, but it sounds crazy enough to be one-hundred percent true.

After hearing the particulars of my desires, he thought a moment, paced. He pulled up a chair next to me and coolly asked me what vampire species I could name off the top of my head--besides the vampire bat. On the spot and overshadowed by his overwhelming aura, I could only stammer out something stupid, like mosquitoe or flea. I can’t remember exactly what answer I gave him, but I clearly remember his trite, patient laugh that came of it. At that point, he pulled out a graphics reader and tried to pitch to me an entirely different angle. I can only guess that an artist can draw so many of a thing before becoming tired of repetition, regardless of it being a commission. And I am starting to believe that the species I desired for the work simply didn’t push the envelope enough to fit the bill of his particular... project.

This was so much more than just getting the features of bat and wolf. This was about becoming myself. He’d deliberated the best way to give me what I’d be happiest with, and I had the impression he had the entire animal kingdom to sample from--within reason, of course, as he’s working within the shadows of the law. He told me briefly, without going into significant detail, that he was working on harnessing the strengths and idiosyncrasies of all life, going beyond the animal kingdom. It certainly sounds promising, whatever he means.

Ultimately, we came to the agreement that my splicing job would use the pacific lamprey as its base, but that I would get the vampire bat ears I’d sought coming to see him. The underlying work is complex, but everything is so finely tuned to enhance everything else. Cave salamander, and a strange anemone-like creature called a tunicate. Did you know the cave salamander has cultural roots with the Roma? The gills along my neck are mostly superficial, and the lungs don’t do much either--all that’s in my skin now. The nasal structure has a bit of a sonar thing to it, from both the salamander and lamprey; every smell is intense now. Slag, my mouth is filled with teeth now, cheeks ringed with lancets. Linnaeus tells me the tunicate helps with bloodborne pathogens. I later found it also helps with whatever I get exposed to in the bay.

Doesn’t help with the smell, though.

I’m glad that I could reach out to you, and keep correspondence with you. It’s taken a lot to get used to being aquatic, but I regret absolutely nothing that I’ve left behind. Living near the docks has been a slagged blessing. Perfect hunting grounds, and nobody bothers me so long as I stay off shore. I think you’d love hearing about the weird shit I find at the bottom of the bay. Believe it or not, it’s good money. Pawn shops hardly ever have the nerve to question where I got waterlogged goods. Not that it’s smart to question me. With this lean, cartilaginous skeleton, the splicing also yielded me significant height gain, mostly in my torso. The lengthening of my body was necessary to accommodate swimming muscles, but I slouch horribly so it’s hardly obvious just how tall I stand until I straighten up.

I so enjoy the shock value of doing that. Norms haven’t seen the likes of this nascent wave of chimeric hybrids, so I must be some kind of unholy cryptid to them. As though I’d continue unfolding in other ways were they to truly rile me. Admittedly, I do. ...But it’s rare to get a glimpse of the inside of my mouth.

I would love to meet you in person finally sometime. Get acquainted with one another’s new-found inhumanities. Get to play with that skin of yours. Show each other in person what the other’s body’s limits are. Maybe include your boyfriend in fooling around, if he’d be interested. I promise I won’t eat you, either of you, except perhaps in the most platonic sense. I cherish you too much.

Though really, I must admit, the hardest thing about adjusting to this wonderful luck of mine was finding a waterproof reader. Not that I get good Wi-Fi reception in the better half of the bay, nor that I’m able to recharge it without venturing onto land. I just don’t want to slag it up if I get it wet, you know?

This got meandering. I’m going to cut it off here, and leave everything open to discussion. It’s good to be back in touch with you. I wonder if, now that you’re what you write about, that you’ll write about yourself instead of just for yourself.

                                 --Don’t be shy.

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To: 9augen@tricity.co.dv From: ketherphorbia@geemail.com Subject: Re: Sorry to have cut out on you like that.  —————————————

>I suppose I do... >You like storie... >I didn’t know w... >There’s still a... >I was so wary o... >I went in with ... >Turns out, I on... >Let me tell you... >After hearing t... >This was so muc... >Ultimately, we ... >Doesn’t help wi... >It’s taken a lo... >I so enjoy the ... >I would love to... >Though really, ... >This got meande... >--Don’t be shy.

I hope you understand how overwhelmed I am with all this.

I still don’t get how I didn’t pick up after all this time that you were in the vampire scene. That... kind of actually manages to make you even creepier than before. In a good way. I promise in a good way.

Understandable, then, I hope, just how jealous I am of you and what you have. This skin and bone deformity is nothing compared to having become an outright monster, complete with the appetites of one.

Slag it all, man.

You’ve got to tell me everything.

What was it like? To have the serum take effect? You must have been conscious.

Describe it to me.

Your semen must be very salty.

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To: ketherphorbia@geemail.com From: 9augen@tricity.co.dv Subject: Re: Re: Sorry to have cut out on you like that. —————————————

>>I suppose... >>You like s... >>I didn’t k... >>There’s st... >>I was so w... >>I went in ... >>Turns out,... >>Let me tel... >>After hear... >>This was s... >>Ultimately... >>Doesn’t he... >>It’s taken... >>I so enjoy... >>I would lo... >>Though rea... >>This got m... >>--Don’t be...

>I hope you unde... >I still don’t g... >Understandable... >Slag it all, ma... >You’ve got to t... >What was it lik... >Describe it to ... >Your semen must...

Spouting off Ballard quotes at me. You must be a wreck...

Creepier than before? I suppose. You’ve always known my predilection for the classics. Fang and claw have always been a preference over tooth an nail.

What was it like? It was an utter entheogeny, my friend. Do you know what a grafting gun is like? To aid in the serum’s administration, it isn’t a single needle but six very fine-gauged needles, in a pneumatic hypodermic gun. In that medical implement, the approximation to vaccination is one which makes me smile to this day, chemicals which carried with them the proverbial antibodies which would make me capable of fighting off the plague of a chronic illness otherwise known to the public as “humanity.”

Linnaeus and his technician had before the procedure harnessed me like a modern Saint Andrew, the cross-like restraints having evolved thoroughly alongside the medicine which required them; their robotic cuffs could expand or contract, as could the distance of each of the hydraulic arcs of its aureole, which envelopd the entirety of the body of the device and acted as its structural integrity in the absence of a characteristic saltire structure.

He’d said that it had been difficult to replace this harness in particular after the ban, also said it had been necessary to be procured again. Implications lingered that the ban had bankrupted his agency, though there was something more to the specialty of this device. There had been incidents in the movement’s embryonic state, before he had implemented such measures as protective bondage.

He did not, however, go into further detail.

In deliberate irony or not, he went for the throat for the injection site. The serum itself felt much like a typical intravenous application, well-chilled and somewhat astringent. Heavy in the veins. Its seeming effervescence was not from gases, but of its heterogeneous components under high pressure. The syringe hisses pneumatically when it fires its contents into you One would suppose that someone with an aversion to needles would panic at hearing that sound in the sense of an injection; though, panic might be too considerate a word. Especially inches from one’s ear.

If he had not been referencing a phobia of needles in his practical necessity for the ring-like restraint system, however, it was the resultant agony of a teenage growth spurt, magnified across the span of the boughs of species, and sped up within a frame observable to the naked eye. It was as though I’d never truly experienced the metamorphosis to the adulthood I’d been meant to undertake. As a normal human being acclimates to his changing body, he might have his shins ache, or be inexplicably hungry, or suffer from bouts of hormone swings. All these things are exponentially worse when your cells are shifting between species, and trying to settle comfortably somewhere in between.

I never realized just what kind of masochist I was until that night.

Bone became cartilage. Skin became mucous membrane. Entire organs restructured themselves. There were entire minutes I could not breathe. My jaws dissolved, for the most part; simultaneously, the total surface of my expanding mouth sprouted dozens of rings of razor-sharp thorns. Nearly three times the vertebrae now comprise my spine. I was suffocating, and I was starving.

The metamorphosis extorts a great energy from a hybrid.

The feathered woman was the one to release me from the cross, whispering forth pedantic blandishments as I sank to rest on all fours. As I glared up at her, the extension of my external gills must have seemed more a threat display than a cry for oxygen. My head swam, but all of me needed to. I was too dizzy to take in anything either of them said, though I clearly recall the doctor finding some distinct pleasure and pride in how completely the serum had taken. “You’ll learn to breathe again,” I remember him admiring as the two of them permitted me at last to shove myself out the door and down the street.

I was fortunate that their secret clinic was so low in the city’s bowels, so close to the river. I didn’t care then how rank the water was, how I knew in my heart even just a fraction of the stuff might kill me. Water. I needed water. I don’t remember how I ended up at the dock, or how I ended up in the bay. I imagine I mostly flopped by inertia. The salt only stung for a moment, as it caught me off-guard; but then, as my faculties began to seep back into me, I could tell that the saline levels were facilitating my ability to breathe and take in the water.

So I was a saltwater fish now? I remember asking myself. It’s a good thing I’m a Jersey devil, then, I guess. I remember the insistent hunger, too, and that even then, my veins burned violently, especially those in my skull.

You know me well enough to know what state in which that experience left me. You also know me well enough to take pride in knowing this is an erotic work crafted for ketherphorbia, written for your own eyes only.

I suppose it’s not entirely out of line for me to return the favor, and ask you to describe your metagenesis.

A celebration. A coronation of wounds inflicted against the iniquity of manhood.

We’re both creatures now. More alike than either of us thought previous. Am I right?

I want to see more of you.

▼ ▼ ▼ ▼ ▼ ▼ ▼ ▼ ▼ ▼

To: 9augen@tricity.co.dv From: ketherphorbia@geemail.com Subject: Re: Re: Re: Sorry to have cut out on you like that. —————————————

>>I hope you... >>I still do... >>Understan... >>Slag it al... >>You’ve got... >>What was i... >>Describe i... >>Your semen...

>Spouting off Ba... >Creepier than b... >What was it lik... >Linnaeus and hi... >He’d said that ... >He did not, how... >In deliberate i... >If he had not b... >I never realize... >Bone became car... >The metamorphos... >The feathered w... >I was fortunate... >So I was a salt... >You know me wel... >I suppose it’s ... >A celebration. ... >We’re both crea... >I want to see m...

There are no words to convey just how arousing that sounds. I guess the best compliment I can give is to divulge the mighty fine time I’ve had rereading that last email. I can only imagine how the fuck the man knew how bad your autoerotic asphyxia was. Maybe he noticed the rope-like bruising on your neck... I’ll get off your case, but I won’t stop getting off on your case. :)

You want to know how it went? The story’s one testament after another of my own clumsiness and stupidity. It started with a date with Cecil at the coffee shop on Garden Center. The woman spearheading Tri-City’s EPA presence had decided that same shop would be where she would unwind after the day she’d been having, and a point of conversation with Cecil resulted in her burning ears shouldering in to both drop information and grab some of her own from us. One thing led to another, and I ended up with enough information to suggest not just where the Supermarket Geek had taken his spill, but what it had been he spilled in.

I vacillate whether I have hindsight not to have researched my facts further before acting upon them. But it was enough for me, that the conversation had yielded an unprecedented factoid, to the point that said information spurred a particular writing session.

I don’t know if you read the “Quarter Oysters” wip I threw up on my blog a while back. I’ve written more recent things, but there are a number of reasons I can’t share them. Really, though. I don’t know. Maybe I can share them with you. You’ve already made me an accomplice to slag all of verbot shit. Turnabout’s fair play...

Any rate... After writing “Quarter Oysters,” I snuck out of the house and broke into the dump site I’d had described to me. The place was littered with toxic waste drums. In several spots, they were stacked up over a story high. I’d never seen such a thing be so organized as this. Many of them were leaking to spite their order. Some of them even glowed. There were two guards stationed, and I managed to duck them once; they’d almost found me the first time because I’d slipped and thrown out my knee, but I chewed on the shoulder of my shirt and reset it while in hiding. I found a drum of Fluxeldrin cordoned off by tape, and I had my tippling cane with me, so I had a vial to sample of it. I’d have taken more than one, since the cane contained four, but I already heard them coming for me, and I couldn’t hide fast enough. So, I only took the one and hastily reassembled my cane, rather than risk getting caught actively stealing it. They threw me out of the Yard, but they thought I’d just been a snooping idiot cripple. For once my youthful look and decrepit demeanor benefited me. They had no idea I’d smuggled my prize.

I shambled down the street and found myself a safe place where I could mull things over in private. The place was run down, even for a half-completed apartment complex. I’m not even joking, it was creepy as hell. Someone had been living there, I’m sure of it, and from what I saw in the rotting pressboard cabinets, I’m sure they were cooking drugs or bombs or something. There was even a nasty spring-box mattress there. And a bathtub, but not attached to anything. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen the kind that installs into where the floor and wall meet when it’s just a free-floating hunk of fiberglass, but they are unsettling as hell when they’re not installed.

My reader was going dead because I’d used it as a flashlight while retrieving my prize, so I couldn’t really research after the fact. I knew Cecil would freak if he found me in possession of the stuff, so I had to act on it then and there. I didn’t have enough to rub it into my skin and get even coverage, so I decided like an idiot I had to drink it for maximum effect. Fluxeldrin glows an aggressive lime green, is oily like antifreeze, and smells like rotten cut flowers but worse. The consistency of it made it cling to every surface of my innards that it came into contact with, and the smell and taste of it had me fighting all compulsion to regurgitate every last drop of it along with all my organs. I flung the vial after downing its contents, too caught up in the moment to realize the recklessness of it. Fighting the urge to vomit, hands on my mouth trying to keep my lips clenched tightly together, I ultimately collapsed on the mattress, not even caring about the grime.

When I awoke, there was blood on the mattress where my face had been, crusted up around my nose and mouth. I threw out the same knee again upon trying to stand--but this time, I threw it out as though the joint weren’t actually connected, and I spilled out on the cement floor. I really wish my reader hadn’t been dead by then, because I would kill right now for a photograph of something that can make me vomit. And I mean I puked to the bile, the way that the fall had disheveled my leg. Couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I managed to get it back together, and gather my belongings. Putting my cane back together, I barely managed to get to my date with Cecil for lunch the next day.

I bullshat some stupid excuse about having had to hit the yards early that morning for something time sensitive. The night before he’d suggested that he could get me a job working at the Central Library, and after lunch he dragged me up there to show me around. I was interested in doing all this, really I was... but it was so hard with all my joints feeling like every surface was over-oiled. With fifteen minutes to closing time, I ran into the Geek trying to use his library card for the first time. Meeting him, I can guarantee you he’s a stalker too. ...I made an idiot out of myself and really shook him up trying to get him to eat my finger splints. I’m still messed up over that.

But that doesn’t even get to the verbot shit. The stress of having slagged up first impressions with the Geek had me pretty literally falling apart. All the physical problems my joint disorder’s inured me to, that all’s magnified by what the Fluxeldrin did to me. Worse for wear, I ended up trying to get in with Dr. Bell before the All’s Well Clinic closed for the evening. I didn’t manage it. So, I did the logical thing and broke in through the back door with the intent to “borrow” some pain pills, and wait out the night to see him first thing in the morning. The first week I was like this was the most excruciating, man. This condition has the unprecedented ability to drive me to do just about anything to alleviate these systems, when they flare up. And breaking and entering a pharmaceutical storage wasn’t outside the realm of what felt acceptable in my present state that night...

I fell face-first into Bell’s racket. He’s the only doctor in the city with knowledge of the metahuman condition, and the only one whom I can reasonably see helping me cope with what the Fluxeldrin did to me--but it comes at with a high price tag. I know his deal, but he has that B&E hanging over me. If I don’t do exactly what he says, he’s got ways to make my life hell. And he’s got me running shopping errands for him for the truck he cooks for his projects. He’s the heart of the Quarter, I just know it.

I’m so torn on the right thing to do because my dick doesn’t want what’s taking place to ever stop. I guess I’m telling you not just that I trust you not to tell anybody, but that I want some input on what kind of person it makes me, to be going along with this madness to avoid the fallout of shaking the foundation everything’s tentatively scattered upon. I’m scared, Rev. For Bell’s victims, for me, for Cecil. For everybody who’s ever gotten sick in the Quarter.

This got really long-winded and meandered into a “from one friend to another” situation. So, to make it up to you, a quick and dirty recap:

I broke into a stalking yard and stole a flask of fluxeldrin. And drank it. I drank something that fluoresced neon lime green, smelled and tasted like rot, and felt like gasoline. Something I knew could kill me. Something I knew was banned in its industry of origin due to its health hazards. I drank that. And it made me the shittiest meta that will likely ever be.

It’d be nice to meet, but I’m not sure how that would even work. You said you’re a fish now, but you’d be a fish out of water... Even I know better than to go anywhere near the toxic soup that dares to call itself Hudson Bay...

▼ ▼ ▼ ▼ ▼ ▼ ▼ ▼ ▼ ▼

To: ketherphorbia@geemail.com From: 9augen@tricity.co.dv Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Sorry to have cut out on you like that. —————————————

>>Spouting o... >>Creepier t... >>What was i... >>Linnaeus a... >>He’d said ... >>He did not... >>In deliber... >>If he had ... >>I never re... >>Bone becam... >>The metamo... >>The feathe... >>I was fort.. >>So I was a... >>You know m... >>I suppose ... >>A celebrat... >>We’re both... >>I want to ...

>There are no wo... >You want to kno... >I vacillate whe... >I don’t know if... >Any rate... Aft... >I shambled down... >My reader was g... >When I awoke, t... >I bullshat some... >But that doesn’... >I fell face-fir... >I’m so torn on ... >This got really... >I broke into a ... >It’d be nice to...

Delight is in the details. Oh, would I have never expected a short story written explicitly for mine eyes alone--let alone with such minutiae of gauche detail! Were it under suspicion of being fiction, I would think you a master for the unfortunate believability of your tale; that the course of events you’ve described can’t not have happened.

I’ve been around the coastline of the Quarter since my rebirth. The scent you described is very potent for this nose, these gills. If I were to hazard assumptions, I do believe the stuff has begun to seep into the water table, into the river. Of all the areas of the waterways around this city I can’t tolerate, it’s there, believe it or not. Something about it is fundamentally repulsive, and no matter what it is, I can’t shake what feels like an archetypal fear of it. So, for you to so casually narrate your deliberate pursuit of obtaining this Fluxeldrin business, and so flippantly have imbibed it... Well, I harbor a revolting admiration for you.

You do find yourself between a rock and a hard place, I imagine. Several. Or maybe, you simply find yourself hard between all these rocks. I won’t force details, though I can certainly read between the lines. It’s difficult to say. But, knowing you...I needn’t remind you how often we’ve shared the fantasy of some pandemic mutating the masses like some fabric-rending reality, culling the unfit. Everything is perfect.

The world is fluorescing into wounds, as you so describe.

To say you’d kill for something graphic enough to make you retch. I’d love to see it, too. Systemically disarticulate you, just to watch what you’d do. Stretch out that stuff that used to be your skin, curious how translucent it is, admire the veins.

Calling the bay an unapproachable toxic soup, though? I survive just fine in it. It’s all I have, Kether.

Regardless.

I’m sure we can determine a way to make this work.

[sweetlifetownsville]

Hard Going Getting On Top Of The Hill: The Mayor's Magnificent Mount Louisa Make-Over Might Stumble At The First Jump

And Jenny knows about the problem, but is blithely telling us its all go, when it may well be all stop. The Pie shares a most interesting email. The old bird can reveal that Mayor Jenny Hill IS under investigation by Brisbane authorities for possible misconduct and watching all the fumbling inanities coming over the next 12 months in the run-up to local council elections is going to be more fun than watching a blind man trying to get out of a door knob factory. To that end, The Pie this week introduces a new occasional award, The Codswallop Cup. No shortage of contenders. Also, our new white ele sorry, stadium, has hit more turbulence as it rises from the mud and Lozza Lancini will not be a happy chappy. Bentley has a say on George Pells new lifestyle And our regular gallery from Trumpistan. First, Hot Of The Rumour Mill

The most interesting rumour has just floated into the Nest. Its unverified (well duh, thats why its called a rumour) so well have to wait until the Astonisher plays catchup sometime this week. The Pie hears that the only two tenderers for the new stadiums ultra-lucrative catering contract , one being the incumbent Spotless and one being the Cowboys Leagues Club, have both been excluded for non compliant tenders to do with not paying award wages. So back to square one for the new stadium and where does that leave Spotless in the current stadium? For the answer, check the Astonisher around oh, say, next Friday, by when Lozza Lancini will have told iditor Jenna Cairney what she can say about this. Pell Mell Nothing has been quite as spectacular in the annals of fallen high flyers than that of George Pell, who has swapped his glittering Mardi Gras cardinals robes for prison drab, after being sent to chokey for six years (to serve 3 years and 8 months before eligible for parole) for what only be described as the most brazen, power-deluded child abuse imaginable. Indeed so brazen as to leave lingering doubts among some observers whether such things couldve happened as described, but an appeal will sort that out, after all, the jury knows things that we do not. Now Georgy Boy faces another biased jury his fellow inmates, a class of folk not known for their strict adherence to jurisprudence rules and who exercise their own summary justice according to their own morals and mythology. And Bentley reckons you never know who youre going to bump in in the Yard.

And The Pie says to those who say the term is not enough, rest assured, for a man of Pells pomposity, ego and age, he has been handed a life sentence of one sort or another. One imagines there is one person who will give Judge Peter Kidd the thumbs up.

Shifty Business Delivering on promises is a tricky business, especially when our mayor is in campaign mode. Today, we were offered this little bit of click bait.

But when we went through to the story, what we got was this

Uncanny how this is so ambiguous, like the Castle Hill upgrade itself. Now this is media sleight of hand at its clumsiest, making a highly speculative project sound like solid fact. Interesting because it simply that the TCC will start drawing up plans for what it would like to see at Mt Louisa and crucially for mayor Mullet is the quote: with construction expected by the end of the year. Community engagement started this week and will continue until the end of April. The Pie thought, well thats a nice idea, if conveniently timed to become a re-election boast, but hey, good for the huffnpuff crowd. Then this morning, (Sat) an email fluttered into the Nest. From Angela Sacilotto Councillor Jenny Hills grand plan for Mt Louisa is another political stunt with council elections due in March 2020. TCC do not own all of Mt Louisa. I own a 8 ha block right across the middle of the hill. I have told TCC I do not want to sell. Havent been able to verify Ms Sacilottos information, but she volunteered her contact details and phone number if The Pie wanted a chat about the matter (which for reasons well known to regular readers, is not a viable option since the recent operation.) But The Pie would guess there will be whole lot more to the meaning of community engagement when Mayor Mullet reads this. it is known that Jenny Hill does not like being crossed by people with legal rights who stand in the way of her grand visions, so this community engagement with Ms Sacilotto could involve nipple clamps, a car battery and wet towels . But That May Be The Least Of Her Problems Cant reveal too much at the moment, but our mayor is being officially investigated possible misconduct over her Adani links, particularly arising out of her trip to India. This will not be a revelation on her, because she has been informed of the issue by the Brisbane based investigating body, and what is officially termed overt inquiries are underway. Perhaps no biggy (but then again ) but not a great look for someone who once expressed her admiration for Ipswich Mayor Pisasale. What Dreams May Come, As Willy Shakespeare Once Said All this has led to The Magpie being told that Jenny, a Hitchcock fan, recently watched his classic The Birds, but when she went to bed, she had an horrific dream.

Serves her right for throwing darts at a much loved and protected Australian species. THIS WEEKS CONTENDERS FOR THE CODSWALLOP CUP Its a crowded field. Cmon, Really? Cmon now, seriously Jenna Cairney? Is this all youve got?

Listen, me dear old haggis-head, getting shocked by a menu may apply to a Korean doggy delicacy, a Vietnamese cockroach kebab or the price of a pie at the footy, but because this mob is adding burgers bloody good old Aussie burgers we Aussie snowflakes should be shocked? Do you not understand how insulting this advertorial pap is? One seriously has to question whether the decision makers who publish this clap trap have an IQ above room temperature. A Group Effort Where to start with this one, the inanity is of such magnitude that The Pie is tempted to inaugurate the Clusterfuck Cup as a separate category.

This mind-blowing little corker of an idea is called the Palmer Street Precinct Activation project, and involves wait for it a bit of new lighting along the street, and a new sign saying hang on again Palmer Street.

The plan was obviously to give re-election hopefuls a bit of sorely needed publicity (youd think on recent photographic evidence, Messagebank Walker and Ann-Maree Greaney are going steady). But for other reasons, the story raised both an eyebrow and a guffaw at the same time. Chef/restaurateur Matt Merrin, normally a sensible and successful man, made a right goof of himself when he (reportedly) told the paper the changes would transform Palmer Street into a world class destination. It will be something that visitors to Townsville can Instagram, take photos of and sell the message to the world. Its going to bring new investment back to Palmer Street (question: how does new investment come back?) Weve had many restaurants close over the last 12 months, this will inspire new restaurant owners and people to come back into Palmer Street and be part of the precinct it once was. A world class destination? Matt, a message from The Magpie, mate lay off the cooking sherry and exotic herbs before talking to the Astonisher (FFS, mate, youre even holding your glass crooked.) The story also informs us The dining strip received some upgrades during the preparations for the Commonwealth Games last year. Oh did it? Very similar upgrades in scale to the ones now proposed , as The Pie remembers. So in the year since that spruce up, two Palmer Street nose-baggeries have gone belly-up. But somehow, this one is going to usher in a new era? Hows that? But heres the best bit in the original story, Ann-Maree Greaney said the lighting would keep people, particularly women, safer that apparent admission that the council has allowed Palmer Street to operate without adequately safe lighting for years has now been removed from the story. What fucking planet are you from, you lot? Reporter Chris Lees, have you no dignity? Or sober judgement? Did TCC media gopfer Simpo Templeton have anything to do with this, its about his speed? Well, anyway Anthony, unlike the when at the Astonisher, at least in your TCC role you dont have to put your name to your cock-ups. 3. Off The Rails Then on Thursday, we had this little bit of fluffy irrelevancy.

But no sooner had this flimsy kite taken to the sky, than the Astonisher itself cut the string on Friday with this:

What city rail plan? There wasnt any, the original story was a campaigning thought-fart from the desperate Clr Jacob. Clever though, isnt it write bullshit one day and call it out as bullshit the next. Gotta luv the ol Astonisher. A Miscellaneous Magpie Whinge The Magpie is deliberately not talking about or seeking comment on the massacre in New Zealand, he has no words, certainly none that would contribute positively to this dark deed of pure evil. But coverage does prompt The Pie to vent about a favourite piece of nanny state demeaning idiocy can we please move away from the rubber-faced sign language person standing next to officials who are often making statements about deeply disturbing matters. Often signing involves grotesque and to the uninitiated completely inappropriate comical facial expressions. This presents the twin problems of distraction for the general audience and indignity for the subject of the media conference.The Pie doesnt know what the average deaf audience would be at any given time not many one would guess and yes, there are times like bushfire and flood updates where this information should be conveyed in this manner. But shit folks, heres a newsflash for more 60 years now, real time lower screen captioning has been available, or as all sports directors so slickly employ technology for a smaller, less distracting vision box to one corner. To currently give such a minority a so distracting and undignified presence is not necessary and lacks dignity, and disturbs concentration on what can be vital messages. Of course, nanny staters wont agree. Speaking Of The Nanny State Our evolving language, not always for the better, now features the term woke, as in are you woke to climate change? or any number of other social issues. It means are you alert to, but as so often happens, we too readily adopt the argot of the ill-educated as some sort expression of being cool and identifying with a group one wouldnt normally break bread with. The lovely thing about this nonsensical use of substitute language leaves it wide open for hysterically funny skewering and in this classic piss take Are You Woke? from a fed up Tracey Ullman. The Clock Is A-Ticking The Brexit imbroglio is increasingly hard to follow (or for The Pie, to care much about) but one of the cleverest pictorial comments the predicament of Theresa (dis)May(ed) comes from the Guardians Steve Bell.

And More Of The Same From Trumpistan A lot of attention continues to surround the tumble of democrats eager to take on President Trumpet at the polls next year. And the interest has been heightened by someone not running.

. The ducking, weaving and hilarity of the comments section runs 24/7, so give us of your best, folks. And if you like the blog, you can show your appreciation with some sorely needed financial support, the how to donate button is below. http://www.townsvillemagpie.com.au/hard-going-getting-on-top-of-the-hill-the-mayors-magnificent-mount-louisa-make-over-might-stumble-at-the-first-jump/

[sweetlifetownsville]

Hard Going Getting On Top Of The Hill: The Mayor's Magnificent Mount Louisa Make-Over Might Stumble At The First Jump

And Jenny knows about the problem, but is blithely telling us its all go, when it may well be all stop. The Pie shares a most interesting email. The old bird can reveal that Mayor Jenny Hill IS under investigation by Brisbane authorities for possible misconduct and watching all the fumbling inanities coming over the next 12 months in the run-up to local council elections is going to be more fun than watching a blind man trying to get out of a door knob factory. To that end, The Pie this week introduces a new occasional award, The Codswallop Cup. No shortage of contenders. Also, our new white ele sorry, stadium, has hit more turbulence as it rises from the mud and Lozza Lancini will not be a happy chappy. Bentley has a say on George Pells new lifestyle And our regular gallery from Trumpistan. First, Hot Of The Rumour Mill The most interesting rumour has just floated into the Nest. Its unverified (well duh, thats why its called a rumour) so well have to wait until the Astonisher plays catchup sometime this week. The Pie hears that the only two tenderers for the new stadiums ultra-lucrative catering contract , one being the incumbent Spotless and one being the Cowboys Leagues Club, have both been excluded for non compliant tenders to do with not paying award wages. So back to square one for the new stadium and where does that leave Spotless in the current stadium? For the answer, check the Astonisher around oh, say, next Friday, by when Lozza Lancini will have told iditor Jenna Cairney what she can say about this. Pell Mell Nothing has been quite as spectacular in the annals of fallen high flyers than that of George Pell, who has swapped his glittering Mardi Gras cardinals robes for prison drab, after being sent to chokey for six years (to serve 3 years and 8 months before eligible for parole) for what only be described as the most brazen, power-deluded child abuse imaginable. Indeed so brazen as to leave lingering doubts among some observers whether such things couldve happened as described, but an appeal will sort that out, after all, the jury knows things that we do not. Now Georgy Boy faces another biased jury his fellow inmates, a class of folk not known for their strict adherence to jurisprudence rules and who exercise their own summary justice according to their own morals and mythology. And Bentley reckons you never know who youre going to bump in in the Yard. And The Pie says to those who say the term is not enough, rest assured, for a man of Pells pomposity, ego and age, he has been handed a life sentence of one sort or another. One imagines there is one person who will give Judge Peter Kidd the thumbs up. Shifty Business Delivering on promises is a tricky business, especially when our mayor is in campaign mode. Today, we were offered this little bit of click bait. But when we went through to the story, what we got was this Uncanny how this is so ambiguous, like the Castle Hill upgrade itself. Now this is media sleight of hand at its clumsiest, making a highly speculative project sound like solid fact. Interesting because it simply that the TCC will start drawing up plans for what it would like to see at Mt Louisa and crucially for mayor Mullet is the quote: with construction expected by the end of the year. Community engagement started this week and will continue until the end of April. The Pie thought, well thats a nice idea, if conveniently timed to become a re-election boast, but hey, good for the huffnpuff crowd. Then this morning, (Sat) an email fluttered into the Nest. From Angela Sacilotto Councillor Jenny Hills grand plan for Mt Louisa is another political stunt with council elections due in March 2020. TCC do not own all of Mt Louisa. I own a 8 ha block right across the middle of the hill. I have told TCC I do not want to sell. Havent been able to verify Ms Sacilottos information, but she volunteered her contact details and phone number if The Pie wanted a chat about the matter (which for reasons well known to regular readers, is not a viable option since the recent operation.) But The Pie would guess there will be whole lot more to the meaning of community engagement when Mayor Mullet reads this. it is known that Jenny Hill does not like being crossed by people with legal rights who stand in the way of her grand visions, so this community engagement with Ms Sacilotto could involve nipple clamps, a car battery and wet towels . But That May Be The Least Of Her Problems Cant reveal too much at the moment, but our mayor is being officially investigated possible misconduct over her Adani links, particularly arising out of her trip to India. This will not be a revelation on her, because she has been informed of the issue by the Brisbane based investigating body, and what is officially termed overt inquiries are underway. Perhaps no biggy (but then again ) but not a great look for someone who once expressed her admiration for Ipswich Mayor Pisasale. What Dreams May Come, As Willy Shakespeare Once Said All this has led to The Magpie being told that Jenny, a Hitchcock fan, recently watched his classic The Birds, but when she went to bed, she had an horrific dream. Serves her right for throwing darts at a much loved and protected Australian species. THIS WEEKS CONTENDERS FOR THE CODSWALLOP CUP Its a crowded field. Cmon, Really? Cmon now, seriously Jenna Cairney? Is this all youve got? Listen, me dear old haggis-head, getting shocked by a menu may apply to a Korean doggy delicacy, a Vietnamese cockroach kebab or the price of a pie at the footy, but because this mob is adding burgers bloody good old Aussie burgers we Aussie snowflakes should be shocked? Do you not understand how insulting this advertorial pap is? One seriously has to question whether the decision makers who publish this clap trap have an IQ above room temperature. A Group Effort Where to start with this one, the inanity is of such magnitude that The Pie is tempted to inaugurate the Clusterfuck Cup as a separate category. This mind-blowing little corker of an idea is called the Palmer Street Precinct Activation project, and involves wait for it a bit of new lighting along the street, and a new sign saying hang on again Palmer Street. The plan was obviously to give re-election hopefuls a bit of sorely needed publicity (youd think on recent photographic evidence, Messagebank Walker and Ann-Maree Greaney are going steady). But for other reasons, the story raised both an eyebrow and a guffaw at the same time. Chef/restaurateur Matt Merrin, normally a sensible and successful man, made a right goof of himself when he (reportedly) told the paper the changes would transform Palmer Street into a world class destination. It will be something that visitors to Townsville can Instagram, take photos of and sell the message to the world. Its going to bring new investment back to Palmer Street (question: how does new investment come back?) Weve had many restaurants close over the last 12 months, this will inspire new restaurant owners and people to come back into Palmer Street and be part of the precinct it once was. A world class destination? Matt, a message from The Magpie, mate lay off the cooking sherry and exotic herbs before talking to the Astonisher (FFS, mate, youre even holding your glass crooked.) The story also informs us The dining strip received some upgrades during the preparations for the Commonwealth Games last year. Oh did it? Very similar upgrades in scale to the ones now proposed , as The Pie remembers. So in the year since that spruce up, two Palmer Street nose-baggeries have gone belly-up. But somehow, this one is going to usher in a new era? Hows that? But heres the best bit in the original story, Ann-Maree Greaney said the lighting would keep people, particularly women, safer that apparent admission that the council has allowed Palmer Street to operate without adequately safe lighting for years has now been removed from the story. What fucking planet are you from, you lot? Reporter Chris Lees, have you no dignity? Or sober judgement? Did TCC media gopfer Simpo Templeton have anything to do with this, its about his speed? Well, anyway Anthony, unlike the when at the Astonisher, at least in your TCC role you dont have to put your name to your cock-ups. 3. Off The Rails Then on Thursday, we had this little bit of fluffy irrelevancy. But no sooner had this flimsy kite taken to the sky, than the Astonisher itself cut the string on Friday with this: What city rail plan? There wasnt any, the original story was a campaigning thought-fart from the desperate Clr Jacob. Clever though, isnt it write bullshit one day and call it out as bullshit the next. Gotta luv the ol Astonisher. A Miscellaneous Magpie Whinge The Magpie is deliberately not talking about or seeking comment on the massacre in New Zealand, he has no words, certainly none that would contribute positively to this dark deed of pure evil. But coverage does prompt The Pie to vent about a favourite piece of nanny state demeaning idiocy can we please move away from the rubber-faced sign language person standing next to officials who are often making statements about deeply disturbing matters. Often signing involves grotesque and to the uninitiated completely inappropriate comical facial expressions. This presents the twin problems of distraction for the general audience and indignity for the subject of the media conference.The Pie doesnt know what the average deaf audience would be at any given time not many one would guess and yes, there are times like bushfire and flood updates where this information should be conveyed in this manner. But shit folks, heres a newsflash for more 60 years now, real time lower screen captioning has been available, or as all sports directors so slickly employ technology for a smaller, less distracting vision box to one corner. To currently give such a minority a so distracting and undignified presence is not necessary and lacks dignity, and disturbs concentration on what can be vital messages. Of course, nanny staters wont agree. Speaking Of The Nanny State Our evolving language, not always for the better, now features the term woke, as in are you woke to climate change? or any number of other social issues. It means are you alert to, but as so often happens, we too readily adopt the argot of the ill-educated as some sort expression of being cool and identifying with a group one wouldnt normally break bread with. The lovely thing about this nonsensical use of substitute language leaves it wide open for hysterically funny skewering and in this classic piss take Are You Woke? from a fed up Tracey Ullman. The Clock Is A-Ticking The Brexit imbroglio is increasingly hard to follow (or for The Pie, to care much about) but one of the cleverest pictorial comments the predicament of Theresa (dis)May(ed) comes from the Guardians Steve Bell. And More Of The Same From Trumpistan A lot of attention continues to surround the tumble of democrats eager to take on President Trumpet at the polls next year. And the interest has been heightened by someone not running. . The ducking, weaving and hilarity of the comments section runs 24/7, so give us of your best, folks. 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