#this isnt necessarily /r
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justaz · 3 months ago
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can’t stop thinking about merthian,,,
beautiful and talented queen of nemeth visiting camelot and everyone is like “are they getting married this time?” and nope! mithian is dragging merlin through the lower town laughing her ass off, both of them covered in mud, while some incoherent yelling is following them. oh yeah and mithian? the queen? dressed in what looks like one of merlin’s outfits. pants and all!!
merlin whispering in both arthur and mithian’s ears as the feast progresses, making fun of the snobby nobles and sharing the gossip he catches. mithian choking on her wine as she stifles a laugh while arthur just bites back a smile, all too used to merlin’s antics
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ilynpilled · 5 months ago
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re “most popular lannister in fandom” discussion lol i love cersei obv but im not particularly shocked at her not being as immensely popular as her brothers in book circles. not even just because of misogyny but the type of character that she is and her “likability”. nonetheless, there is a lot to say and discuss about her and her complexity anyway and id love to see that more over “girlboss delulu queen x100”. idrgaf about what others think but the only thing that kinda bugs me is when i see multiple ppl complain about tyrion specifically lacking the intrigue and discussion that sorrounds jaime sometimes (which is a gripe i entirely understand and resonate with, especially bc we can guess the types of things it could be rooted in; and there is a lot of material to discuss with him ofc) and then never discussing him or really mentioning him themselves either, especially centering him. like ye i write like 800 pages on jaime or whatever and not as much about the other two bc i find him the most compelling personally for whatever reason but lol thats just me. be the change u want to see, especially if u find him the most interesting personally
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kissycat · 6 months ago
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What's nice about French for me as opposed to e.g. English or CZECH (looking at you ř) is that the r comes so naturally and I can fully lean into it without struggle.... posteurrrrrs de merrrrde
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yanankim · 2 years ago
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babe wake up new baby hui photos just dropped
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twowink · 2 years ago
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tho . ok i will say that i do disagree w the mentality of found family = Parenting or Siblings also . the way i see it at least is that its not about considering each other family as much as its loving each other Like family
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lukesunbornn · 1 year ago
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bruh i get such a superiority complex over being a good writer
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nomaishuttle · 1 year ago
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What would you consider to be middle class though? Cus I had an American Girl doll but I think I was still poor lmao credit card debt
tbh i dont think owning like. A american girl doll makes u middleclass or anything i think i said that lol. bc its like.. a big purchase you save for. but the girl i was talking abt and didnt seem to realize that was like ... not the same for other ppl she was just like "LOL i was just soo into american girl doll i know more abt american girl dolls than you do" when its like No your family could just afford to buy you a rly extravagant gift a couple times over.
#sry this doesnt rly answer the question Ill admit my idea of middle class is a bitt skewed bc i was on that poverty grind as a kid#hashtag living in a hotel hashtag both parents working multiple jobs hashtag going weeks with no food LMAO. so in my mind middle class is#like. can afford to go on an out of state vacation every year. WHICH IS NOTT MIDDLE CLASS RLY IK. but we only went on a big out of state#vacation like... Max every 3 years and that was only road trips. ive never flown b4 lmao... thats another thing is if somebody says Oh ive#flown multiple times im like ohhh oil tycoon parents? richboy over here ? (joking)#like yk. ik that doesnt necessarily mean middle class. my like. for serious definition of a middle class family would beeee. ig if one#parent could afford to be unemployed and the family would still be able to live relatively comfortably (bills paid enough food etc) i thin#id consider that like. at least lowermiddle class...#sry this is a jumble KJABJDBKN yk. i think theres still an inate instinct in me to see anybody living comfortably and go like wowww ok#old money over here... yr parents only work 1 job each your mom isnt even fulltime? which is silly obviously. but yk#basically. i have a hard time distinguishing between like.. any classes above like. poverty. and lower class. bc my brain is automatically#like well they have more money than i did growing up ig they r bourgeoisie scum#JOKE. but yes#that rly was just like a quick Ugh this yter is kinda annoying post LMAO i hope u dont take it too seriously lol.#i had a couple american girl dolls that were my moms when she was little#so im not like Oh you have ag dolls ? guillotine now. LMAO. so yes#SRY AGAIN THIS IS SO RAMBLEY IM TIRED LMAO
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itsalwaysdark · 1 month ago
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if anybody with absolute control over reality wanted to be obsessed with me and put me into a bunch of scenarios they designed usually resulting in my death only to bring me back and make me do more Well i for one would be happy about it and i wouldnt complain and i would do all my scenarios and tests and die over and over and be happy about it . my phone number is 9
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thecontainerstoreofficial · 4 months ago
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im too much of a hater for womens health forums online. like theres some genuinely good advice and commiseration on there but at the same time everybody is too nice to call ppl crazy when they post about putting garlic in their vaginas
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mekatrio · 1 year ago
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seto................
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#kgprambling#i sound like a broken record sorry but i can never get over him. kgp(r) is 10+ years old and hes the only character whose#never been anywhere near to resolving his character arc. my god#cuz literally the details of his arcs are only ever seen in novel 8 2017 and the manga isnt abt him#and even in the novel his own grief and anguish is written in a way where he is deliberately not addressing his own feelings#and even painting a false image of himself that he supposedly valued mary over everyone#(WHICH ISNT TRUEEEEE OH MY GOD i lose my mind when ppl take that at face value.#PLEASEEE stop taking things at face value. so much of kgp(r)s writing is subtextual)#but that aside seto is just crazy bc god the fact he continues to see someone who will bring doom to him and his family#just bc he cant bear to leave her to suffer in loneliness the way he had. SETOOOOOO#i cant get over that. its one thing for him to be like ayano and they both doom themselves for the sake of saving others#but seto wasnt just dooming himself he was dooming his family as well#BUT IT WASNT SOME YANDERE SHIT GODDAMNIT HELLO. shounen brave lyrics 'What if we could be saved#just like in a picture book?' i use the term 'dooming himself + his family' but he wasnt necessarily doing that#he was really and truly trying to defy that fate. he continued to meet mary in hopes of being able to defy their tragedy T_T#'If God didnt have anything for us beyond this summer; I wanted to create it with her'#AHHHHHHH DJSHCJMA how can you still think hes a yandere huh. CHASES YOU#seto tag
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femmefaggot · 1 year ago
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sometimes its like is this rly important? is it?
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nudibutch · 1 year ago
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the miele c1 dog and cat. id honestly even do the miele c1 turbo team:
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i want a miele because of:
- build quality
- quietness (good for mitigating sensory overload when vacuuming)
- cannister vac style (i live in a small space so "dragging it around" not a big issue/radius not a big issue, plus lighter weight than an upright/easy to move around)
- better reach for crevices, drapes, etc
- this post someone made who has adhd and explaining that a good quality product has helped them clean better because of how much less time it takes to clean their house
adulthood is lusting over vacuums you can't afford
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gunnerfc · 7 months ago
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Kyra Cooney-Cross NSFW Alphabet (18+, minors DNI!) [bottom!kyra]
A: Aftercare
Kyra is very clingy after sex and just wants you close to her, she won’t let you get up even if it is to get her something
B: Body Part (their favorite body part of themselves and their partner)
Kyra’s favorite body part is her thighs, she loves it when you leave kisses and hickies all over her thighs when you go down on her
Her favorite body part of yours is your hands, aside from the obvious reason, she loves feeling them on her body
C: Cum (anything to do with cum)
Kyra loves making out with you after you go down on her and the taste of her on your lips
D: Dirty Secret 
She’s into the idea of either of you taking videos or pictures during sex to look at or watch whenever you are apart and are feeling needy
E: Experience (Are they experienced? Do they know what they are doing?) 
She is experienced but most of her experience was being more in control but she discovered early on with you that she liked being on the receiving end of most things
F: Favorite Position 
She loves having you go down on her or riding your face
G: Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous?)
She’ll make little jokes here and there because she can’t help herself but she’s more serious as the night goes on
I: Intimacy (How intimate are they during the moment?)
Sex with Kyra is very intimate
J: Jack off (Masturbation HC) 
She only gets herself off when you aren’t home but she’ll wait until she knows you’re almost home so you can walk in on her moaning
K: Kink (One or more of their kinks) 
Kyra has a praise kink and always whines when you praise her
L: Location (Favorite place to have sex)
Kyra doesn’t care necessarily but she does want it to be somewhat private
M: Motivation (What turns them on?) 
Having your hands on her is enough to turn her on, she just loves feeling you hold her
N: No (Something they wouldn't do)
She’s not into doing anything that might be too painful for either of you
O: Oral (Preference on giving or receiving)
Receiving, she’d keep you between her legs for ages if she could
P: Pace (Fast & Rough? Slow & Sensual?) 
Most nights it’s slow and sensual but if you’re feeling a little jealous or Kyra has been a bit of a brat, it’ll be rougher
Q: Quickie (Thoughts on quickies) 
They happen often especially right before leaving for training because Kyra can’t keep her hands to herself
R: Risk (Are they open to experimenting) 
Kyra’s open to some things but she is willing to try something once if you bring it up
S: Stamina (How many rounds) 
You two go for quite a few rounds that are on the longer side
T: Toys 
You do use a strap here and there but you mainly prefer to pleasure her with your mouth
U: Unfair (Do they like the tease)
She’ll tease you despite being on the bottom to make you fuck her faster and harder
V: Volume (How loud are they? What sounds do they make) 
Kyra isnt the loudest but she’s not quiet either, She is not loud enough for someone to possibly hear her if you were somewhere less private
W: Wild Card (Random HC)
During training one day, Kyra made it her personal mission to be the biggest pest ever and purposely distract you from everything you were trying to do and you punished her for it when you two got home later that evening
Y: Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)
It’s on the higher side, she can’t keep her hands to herself to save her life
Z: ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterward)
Neither of you fall asleep right after sex, and both of you stay up for a bit just talking about random things before sleep catches up to both of you
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grecoromanyaoi · 6 months ago
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like all things, forbidding minors from drinking doesnt actually. stop minors from drinking. it just makes them go drink behind their parents backs. and like isnt it better for a parent to be there to teach their child about how to safely drink n b there to support them n help them see how alcohol affects them n help them think thru whether or not they like that affect rather than have them experiment being drunk w other kids, w/o supervision, n usually in a less safe environment. like obv this doesnt apply to all households bc naturally a home isnt necessarily a safe environment but in general. if u had kids, would u rather let ur 14 y/o have a glass of wine at dinner when u/ppl u trust r there of have them get drunk w their friends on the beach and not tell u at all, even if they get hurt. bc these r p much the two options. like id rather the kids in my life b comfortable calling me at 2am like 'hey im rly drunk can u come pick me up' rather than have them find their way home intoxicated yknow.
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rayroseu · 8 months ago
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Well, as expected there'll be a Book 7 update on May lol
BUT the interesting thing is, the special SSR for this chapter is a Savanaclaw Rook Hunt!!!
Yk referring to the fact that he wasn't originally from Pomefiore, he just transferred there becaise of Vil---I wonder if the next dream we'll travel unto is Rook's??? Or Vil??
I mean, it can be Vil as well, since he does have Malleus magic in him when Malleus cured his aging bcs of the Underworld and he has memories of Savanaclaw Rook, and there are instances on Book 7 where the special SSR isnt necessarily the dreamer (Like Cerberus Ortho SSR).
I believe he can be a candidate of Silver's UM condition that the dreamer must "be special to Silver", I know thats pretty vague, BUT they do have the connection of having both light void magic 👀
I know its obvious Book 7's plot outline is they'll be travelling in dreams of people, so the fact Rook is next, means Savanaclaw might get the spotlight this time, I do remember there was a rumor that Leona will be important for Book 7???
I wonder if the last dorm that we will travel unto is Ramshackle, like we've been theorizing lolol Because Ramshackle is always the place that Malleus resorts to "once he's been back down to a corner"
YES I'M STILL WISHING FOR YUU INVOLVEMENT AJDGJAHGJA BOOK 7 ENDING IS FAR and I will not lose hope for my real favorite dorm 😤😤🙌🙌🙌😭😭🙏🙏🙏 if savanaclaw can get plot significance on Book 7, then FREAKING RAMSHACKLE CAN DO IT IN THE FUTURE!!!!
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SSR: Idia, Vil, and Malleus SR: Trey and Ruggie, R: Ace and Jamil
WAHHHH The third TSUMTSUM event😭😭🙏🙏🙏💖💖💖💚💞💕💞
ALSOOO THERES AN SSR MALLEUS DRACONIA FOR THIS TSUM TSUM EVENT‼️‼️‼️‼️😭😭😭
All it took is for one year.... one year for him to have an SSR card event 😭😭😭🙏💞💖💕 I feel like my dead husband just came back to life HAHDHAHA
Ace getting the R cars again lolol he's truly the event card staple now HSHHASHA
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THEY'LL FINALLY BE COMPLETED 😭😭💞💖💞💕💞💕🙏🙏✨✨✨
I know theres no Yuu in Tsum tsum event 💔💔💔😭😭😭 and theres not even Grim on this event 💔💔💔😭😭😭 STILL!!!! STILL I HOPE YUU ENCOUNTERS MALLEUS TSUM 😭😭😭
Or not, just please make sure this event has plentiful wholesome Diasomnia interaction, I miss them being sweet to each other 😭😭🙏💕
In book 7, theyre often taunting Malleus or beating the other person up to cheer up from their dream (Sebek theraphy for Silver lmao) KDJAJFJA
ALSO WAIT.... am i going crazy or is there no TSUM TSUM SILVER IN THIS?????😭😭😭 I dont remember Silver getting a Tsum Card yet.... IS HE WITH GRIM????😳😳
NAHHH dont tell me we're getting tsum tsum Silver with Tsum Grim, Tsum Crowley and Tsum Mickey(?) XDDD
But its a pretty cute image that Diasomnia will be seaeching for Tsum Silver only to found he's at Ramshackle... KDJSKJSJ I still remember that TSUMTSUM pic where they ate ice shavings at ramshackle sofa!!(I cant find the pic of it now 😭💔)
edit: LMAO im blind, Tsum Silver is one of the SR cards for these XD
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tonydaddingham · 1 year ago
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i did not break my own heart last night thinking about the missing 1941 scene and have it sat in my brain all of today spinning around like a fucking microwave in order to not make you lot suffer with me. and i somehow feel i may be right about this so buckle up and lets break it down.
so yes, following on from this post, i think that there is going to be a third 1941 scene. twice is a coincidence, three times is a pattern. it's been literally set up like that by even bringing back 1941 into s2 in the first place. but we're missing a crucial detail because it does not - at all, really - explain how they went from evading danger from hell and having a cosy candlelit bottle of red to celebrate, to the bastard 1967 scene. we all know this, this is nothing new.
the symbolism of nightingales is probably going to cast a shadow on this. these two excellent analyses look at the meaning of nightingales in the context of R&J, and the relation that the song has to this point in time, respectively. in summary; it's a song that should be around in 1941 courtesy of vera lynn and others, and the nightingale itself carries the meaning of love being hidden and forbidden by way of it singing under the cover of darkness, before being replaced with reality and soberness - represented by the lark. the Dinner of '41 scene is set in the bookshop at night; this would parallel - that they are safe and concealed, and truths can be shared, but the writing is on the wall that stepping outside would be to shatter the illusion, so to speak. it might be that the song itself gets miracled up onto the record player, or a wireless lying about - whatever. note: i don't think they'll dance though, not given crowley in ep5, "you don't dance"... but then again, if there ISNT a kiss in s3-1941, an aborted dance seems like the next best option... the cowardly one, but i'll take it
this would also track with aziraphale having his epiphany after the church in s1-1941; specifically, in my eyes, that he doesn't necessarily just realise he loves crowley, but that crowley by way of saving his books loves him too. this is only supported by the whole of the s2-1941 scene of trusting in each other as the only way to pull off the trick, the subterfuge. this is then, again, also important in the context of what i think happens in s3-1941.
i do think aziraphale is going to bring the books up again, and what crowley did, because it needs to be addressed. the Nazis/furfur confrontation has scared him, regardless of whether he saved them both, more than he realised. its put things into startling perspective. i think he's going to bring up the books, and actually question crowley a little more as to why he did it. the repeated use of, and subsequent weird reaction crowley has to, the use of the term "friend" in s2-1941 would indicate that this is going to be a focal point in s3-1941. are they just friends? is crowley disappointed that aziraphale is still referring to him as that, after what he did? 'saving' aziraphale in the church, and then saving his books? or is aziraphale just saying 'friends' so hesitantly in both instances because he's not completely sure where crowley stands?
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we as the audience know the answer to this, but they obviously do not. if one of the crucial themes of s3 is going to be resolving miscommunication, it makes sense for this scene to be the first, and last, time they communicate properly... at least, until they sort out the issues that culminated in the Final Fifteen.
so let's say they start getting into a very roundabout way of discussing what they mean to each other. there will need to be the sobering, ice-water-over-the-head realisation however, as s2-1941 demonstrated, that they cannot belong to each other, because they manifestly belong to heaven and hell respectively. crowley is still being spied on, and it firmly places aziraphale in their line of sight too. it's going to bring up the holy water discussion; why crowley asked for it - to protect himself, whether by taking out demons or taking out himself, as long as it means he - and most importantly, aziraphale - does not get hurt.
they actively confess that they want to be together, in a way that is more than they are now. aziraphale wants to, but says that they can't, because it's too dangerous. crowley suggests that no one ever has to know, they can hide it (there, in the bookshop, whilst the nightingale is singing), and even if they are found out, they can run. "hell won't just be angry; they'll destroy you..." // "no one ever has to know".
aziraphale doesn't want to have to hide it, doesn't want a halfway measure- is still thinking in black and white. crowley however thinks that something is better than nothing - thinking in the grey. but ultimately, as long as they are still shackled, they cannot do what they want, and it puts the other in danger. "surely the great thing about being a demon is that you can do whatever you want" // "you sound jealous, angel...". instead, aziraphale promises that the day that they are no longer tied to heaven or hell, they can be together; crowley scoffs, thinking that that will never happen, so they will never happen, "you're so clever! how can someone as clever as you be so stupid?!"
the reason they can't right now is because they could be caught. they would have to skulk around, be ashamed, feel guilty - and aziraphale is tired of feeling like that. because only having crowley in secret would hurt more. not being able hold his hand, or dance with him, or kiss him, unless it was in the bookshop. if hell were to find out, crowley would be killed, true, but if heaven were to find out, aziraphale could be cast out. and if crowley survived hell long enough to see aziraphale fall - he'd never forgive himself, and in a way, i don't think he'd ever forgive aziraphale either.
it's tearing them to pieces, but they have to stop whatever is happening between them in its tracks. it's acknowledged, but it's not named. this gives them plausible deniability; if they called it 'love', it would be undeniable. so, aziraphale asks for crowley to go; asks him to leave before they do something they can't come back from. crowley doesn't listen - crowds him, gets in close, and aziraphale is powerless to stop it. doesn't want to stop it. he's selfish by nature, a selfless kind of selfishness, but he wants this with all his being. and then - "this is too fast, crowley, please don't..." // "im sorry, angel. please... please, forgive me". aziraphale never gets to answer, to grant him that, because boom - the actual first kiss.
so. now that i've had to make you read that, i'm going in for the kill. let's look at everything that follows - and look at how the above might recontextualise it.
1967: the offer of the picnic, the Ritz? ie. the literal lyrics of berkeley square? aziraphale has caved in the interest of giving crowley a weapon to use if all else fails, to protect him, but that's as far as he's willing to progress. everything else is still too painful; he's on the brink of tears, promising that one day they'll be able to do what they want, to be open about how they feel, but not yet. they can't. crowley tries to push, "ill give you a lift, anywhere you want to go..." (him offering again to run away? a second chance to leg it?), and aziraphale reminding him that they can't, he can't... don't make him go too fast again, it's not fair. it also sets up perfectly that aziraphale and crowley don't speak for the next 40 or so years (as far as we're aware) until armageddon is threatened.
bandstand: mostly this is still centred around the apocalypse contextually, but i think with the above hypothetical scene in mind (the offer to hide, to run away, to be together), aziraphale is sent back to remembering their mutual confession that they've nonverbally agreed not to bring up, because it's not safe, and it's too painful. they've skirted around it, and returned instead to a tentative kind of friendship at the beginning of s1, but they're still not safe to address why seeing each other again, being so close to each other and not being able to touch is so painful. anyway - aziraphale refuses their side, but the above scene would re-view this as 'our side can't exist yet, you know this! you know why it can't!', and crowley leaves, again after pushing a bit more than aziraphale can stand.
alpha centauri: basically a facsimile of the above; same steps, same dance. but this time, crowley harks back to aziraphale's foolish (?) hope that they will be together, without having to run away, when the day comes that they don't have to answer to heaven or hell. and aziraphale smacks him right back, echoing crowley asking for aziraphale's forgiveness in kissing him, "i forgive you." crowley knows exactly what aziraphale is getting at, there - he's answering crowley's whispered plea to forgive him for pushing, for trying to force him, for acting in desperation. but he's also not answering that - he's skirting around that very thing, forgiving him like a knife would, slicing back at crowley for not only insulting aziraphale on something that is likely a genuine insecurity of his, but also putting him back in his place, for their safeties, because them being together just cannot happen. not yet.
and "please forgive me" in 1941 might seem out of character, but idk if it is; crowley knows that doing what he's about to do will hurt aziraphale, aziraphale has (hypothetically) told him as much, but he needs to do it - and seeks not benevolence or forgiveness as crowley-the-demon, but actually seems aziraphale's forgiveness, as crowley-the-person. the echo would certainly match the tone given here, in multiple ways:
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the ritz: i mean, what is there to say? yes, their song is literally playing on the piano, and heralds the shift in their being out from heaven and hell, the day has finally come where they can - again, going by this entirely hypothetical scene that ive concocted - actually be together as they want to. and the nightingale literally singing outside, but as @shoemakerobstetrician beautifully pointed out, god remarks that it's covered up by traffic. so actually, if we again refer back to R&J interpretation of the nightingale, the love is still hidden, still somewhat under wraps, but can only just about be heard over the noise of the streets outside. the prohibition of them being together, of loving each other, is dwindling. and one day, it'll stop singing altogether. that day is coming, it will come, and then they can do what they please. so whilst the ritz scene may well be a mark of them starting the next chapter, it's slow to take hold, there's still hesitancy - which absolutely makes sense when we see that they are still very tentative with each other come the beginning of s2.
s2 general: aziraphale realises their freedom first; he gets excited by the dance, and being able to show his love to crowley, completely and without barriers, in the form of the ball - what he has read to be the best way to do so. he touches crowley more. he shares his bookshop with him, gifts it to crowley as being his as well as aziraphale's, this safe space that is so wholly theirs that crowley has the power to grant entry. the same with the bentley - aziraphale sees it as theirs, and crowley silently agrees, granting aziraphale the same power. crowley is comfortable in the bookshop to remove his glasses, has a place for them. the bookshop becomes tidier, more minimalist, to make crowley more comfortable in it (it is more cluttered in s1, im certain of it). it might just be the grading between s1 and s2, and lack of clutter, but the yellow is more prominent - his literal favourite colour. everything just screams that aziraphale is ready to make good on his promise from s3-1941.
crowley... for once, is the one not quite catching up. not realising the little dates here and there are literally poses them as a couple (although yes, the coffee shop one is to prep crowley for the goob jumpscare), that aziraphale has granted him the power to grant entry. aziraphale literally asking, practically begging, crowley to help him hide goob. the mf colour of the walls. the colour of the bentley. it's not until nina outright asks him if they are together that he realises how careless they've been - but wait, is it careless if they have nothing to be careful of? well, arguably crowley does, hell are still hanging around him like a bad smell... but this is what he wanted! this is what he was pushing aziraphale for! so, does he risk it? he's not sure, but he's certainly realising that aziraphale is ready, if nothing else. and by the time the ladies stage their little intervention, crowley finally realises that the confession he started in 1941 now can be fully aired, can come out into the open.
the Feral Domestic: *fingers at temples* i know i have been fairly vocal about my interpretation of this scene, and frankly - until we get this hypothetical s3-1941 scene, i stand by it - but let's say this speculation about the scene is true, and re-examine the key points in the Final Fifteen that would completely turn on their heads in terms of meaning:
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literally, harking back full circle to what aziraphale promised in 1967 as what they would do when they could fully acknowledge their love, and what they did as soon as - on paper - they were free at the end of s1. this is however before he's spoken to by nina and maggie, so maybe this is what crowley was planning in terms of confessing fully to aziraphale, but after their meddling he realised that yes, they need to actually talk about it again. he doesn't understand why they're telling him what they are - because he's existed so long in gestures and gifts and not talking, literally dismissed it now as a viable option, that it doesn't even occur to him to try talking again.
which is why he does something brave, and tries to tell aziraphale instead (say it out loud, make it undeniable, put a name to it, "i love you", something that i think was crowley's actual intention before aziraphale interrupts him) when he comes back to the shop... he's so nervous, because it's vulnerable, and because the last time he did, they ended up hiding for 50-ish years.
next up:
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now, im reluctant to think that aziraphale lied in the Feral Domestic, because i do think the key thing at work is his paramount need to do the Right Thing (ie. make a difference in heaven). whilst metatron obviously manipulates him, im not entirely convinced that aziraphale wholly sees through it. i don't think he knew that metatron was up to something, i think the shaking off of this naivety is going to be part of his s3 character development. but this sentence - again, especially in context of the hypothetical s3-1941 scene - must on some level frighten him. especially if you take this meta into account, aziraphale must realise at least that they were never safe, even when they were denying what they were and how they felt, it didn't make a bit of difference. now, metatron could have just been talking about the arrangement, not referring to any romantic elements of any kind, but the threat of it? no wonder he pushes for crowley to join him in heaven; he could keep crowley safe there. they could be together, and heaven - in his eyes - would be able to say a word against it.
then:
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the fear sets in; crowley was too late in telling him, acknowledging that they could be together, realising what aziraphale was saying to him without words, and now heaven has come for him. plonked them right back where they were in s2-1941, but perversely mirrored; instead of hell coming for crowley with violence, heaven came for aziraphale with kindness. crowley doesn't have a magic trick he can just do on the fly, perform it perfectly when the need for it is greatest, and has to cling to the hope that aziraphale still sees them as the barrier to them, the reason they can't be together. and in true miscommunication fashion, i think aziraphale does see it, but what metatron said lingers, and in addition to being inside the institution, changing it from the inside out, in order to make a difference... he knows that whilst it's exactly the opposite of what they wanted, he needs to make them safe. better to be inside the tent pissing out, than outside the tent pissing in.
but aziraphale doesn't tell crowley what metatron said, because instead he either deliberately tries to deny the implications of it (cognitive dissonance king behaviour), or he doesn't want to panic crowley and is trying to convey to crowley that he can't speak his concerns, not when the metatron could still be watching, and instead just needs crowley to trust him, take his hand, and join him in heaven where they can be safe. doesn't tell crowley that heaven hasn't captured him in shackles again, but he's willingly held out his wrists because it's the safest thing for him, and them, to do.
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so it's one thing to look at what crowley's saying, but aziraphale's reaction? before, i just found it to be out of confusion, him not really understanding what crowley was saying, but tbh i never paid much attention to it (david stole this bit of the scene - not to put down my beloved michael here, but he did). and i know others have remarked here that aziraphale is flitting his eyes to the window and looks scared and stressed, but i don't completely think that its because he's scared that metatron is watching (although, now, i will accept with the rug thing and hypothetical s3-1941 in context it is definitely playing a part), but also because he's just starting to recognise that this is a repeat of the s3-1941 scene, "this sounds familiar, we've been here before... oh, we've definitely been here before... oh shit. i still can't do this, not unless he comes with me. we still can't be together, not in the way crowley wants. the way he's trying again, now, to ask for."
but the issue is: crowley wants to run away together. again. and i totally get why, but once again, going back to 1941: it's exactly the solution that will not work. they cannot run from this. heaven, and hell, will find them. they will come for them. it wasn't an option in 1941, it wasn't an option in 2019, and it isn't an option in 2023. aziraphale begins shaking his head - crowley is confessing, but a) aziraphale doesn't run from things, it isnt in his character, and b) it's just putting them back where they started - something that they have to hide. it defeats the purpose.
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and this? yeah, im sure on neither side it was meant the way im about to interpret it, more of an unspoken thing, idk... but if the bookshop is indeed their place of safety, and is where they (as far as crowley sees it) can speak and keep their love, it makes sense that crowley is telling aziraphale he needs to stay. the bookshop can be interpreted so many ways - it represents their relationship, or that crowley means him, himself - but what if we looked at it like crowley is trying now to covet it, because it's protecting them? what if he's saying, "well, if you won't run away with me, we can't be free to have our relationship as we wanted it, not unless we stay here... heaven has come for you, has come for us, and whilst they're here we can't move. so what other option is left remain in this bookshop? to never leave it, and what we have inside it, because there's no other option in which we can be together if you won't run with me."
and what if aziraphale is saying, "no, i have an option, and that's to be together in heaven! they won't be able to do anything, not when im in the position the metatron has offered me, that can be our new bookshop... nothing lasts forever - this bookshop won't last forever, it's compromised, and we can't continue to secret away what we feel inside it, it's time to move forward."
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welcome to the line that breaks my heart the most in this whole goddamn scene - and tbh i think is fairly self-explanatory in the hypothetical s3-1941 context. that aziraphale is trying, once again, to tell crowley that he is offering himself, letting them be an 'us', as crowley says shortly after - that before he couldnt do it, and these arent the best of circumstances, but they can finally do it and not have to hide in the bookshop. but crowley reminds him, "hey, i was in your shoes, remember. i wanted us to be together then, and you told me you couldn't, didn't want a halfway measure - well, now i don't either. and this will be a halfway measure, because i don't think us being together in heaven is going to go the way you hope it will. i understand a whole lot better than you do." in any case, it would explain why aziraphale choses this moment to look so devastated. this is what he promised crowley, but now crowley - to his mind, in the things left Unsaid - doesn't want it... him.
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and then... back to the nightingales. they're not singing at all, not even under the rumble of traffic, like they were at the Ritz. they're completely absent - day has broken, the things unspoken have now been said, and there's no denying them anymore. from crowley's point of view, there was nothing to stop them this time, but if aziraphale won't run with him, then they have to go separate ways, because there is no other way. aziraphale knows there's the possibility that the only place they could actually be safe is heaven itself, that the bookshop was never as safe as they hoped it had been, but that crowley might actually come to see that. but the fact that crowley is resigned to just... returning to 'reality', to a world that's still turning where they aren't together? despite everything they've just said? "we could've been... us." well, that hurts.
and then... the kiss. now. im still of the mind that the kiss was an Issue. i definitely think it was meant out of love and desperation, and out of possibly being a goodbye. this would echo the hypothetical s3-1941 kiss... but it was hurtful. it was abrupt, and harsh, and not at all romantic (imo). it was possessive, and almost cruel. i do think still it was a last ditch attempt, a temptation, to get aziraphale to change his mind, before crowley leaves the shop and returns to the 'real world'. but it hurts aziraphale in many different ways - but with 1941 put in there, too? crowley is just testing his resolve, trying to push him, come around to giving in. crowley asked him to forgive him the last time he kissed aziraphale, and this time - this time, aziraphale is giving him what he asked for.
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