#this isnt me hating on u this is my GENUINE CONCERN

[mcl38]

my new fav thing about out-logicing the staniel fanboys (if u can call them that, these are literally like 30-50 year old men cosplaying going to war for their king or something idek 😭😭😭) on ig is when they run out of racing-related arguments to defend their fav, they jump into attacking ur appearance and for some reason it's always my nose and i just have to sit there like u are calling my honker ugly to defend daniel ricciardo, who also has a honker, nothing u guys say ever makes sense logically pls. critical thinking skills are transferable between all jobs and industries, learn some

okay anon this is an intervention WHY are you, first of all, looking at any instagram comments at all (the cesspit of all humanity) and second of all engaging with INSTAGRAM f1 fans. instagram??? the place where ppl fake dms claiming luisa control(ed) lando's instagram and she's evilly dming evil messages to his loyal fans??? the place where pierre ga- sorry i just had acid reflux - pierre gasl - sorry i 🤢 - pierre gasly resides???

i personally consider daniel's nose to be very attractive and if i was into men id deffo be all over that shit so i rly dont wanna enter that whole argument (esp bc ive seen w my own eyes how touchy daniel fans are over any sort of reference to his nose) but girl, if ur arguing w them enough for them to check ur appearance that means u have waaaaay too much patience and time on ur hands. go binge mclaren tooned and clear ur head or smth

[bunnihearted]

i cant fully control my emotions during a breakdown and then i come out of it and im like oh fuck........ ._.

[hadesisonlyalad]

yk i dont post a lot on tumblr but we all saw that red flags post so im gonna take a moment of ur time to say something on each merc and the red flags listed for them. im doing a read more incase u havent seen the “mercs red flags” headcanon post and it does not flood ur page

both the medic and engie things with “not wanting to spend time with you/wont make time for you” is SUCH bullshit if that was the case they wouldnt even date you. and then ur telling me engie tf2, DELL CONAGHER, would NEVER want to take you on a date? like ever??? u are INSANE. And then sorry to tackle medic and engie in the same paragraph but they had a lot of common “””””red flags””””” that were listed. why would he yell at you. he hardly even yells in general (based off comics and voice lines) if anything hes just kinda a loud person 💀 AND YOU BRINGING UP ONE THING WONT MAKE HIM SUDDENLY IGNORE YOU FOR DAYS LIKE?? he KNOWS hes committing medical malpractice btw. he would not leave you for bringing that up he is WELL AWARE of what hes doing. and we see him CANONICALLY DISCIPLINE ARCHIMEDES IN MEET THE MEDIC, WHY WOULD HE TOLERATE HIS BIRDS ATTACKING YOU????

also why are we listing an addiction as a “red flag” what the fuck is wrong with you. i get not wanting to date someone with an addiction, its a valid concern, but thats SO much more serious than a “red flag” or “ick”??? LIKE ARE YOU OKAYYYY???????

AND THEN HEAVY’S RED FLAG IS “he has trauma” FUCKING. PACK IT UP GUYS IG IF YOU HAVE TRAUMA YOU CAN NEVER BE IN A RELATIONSHIP. (/s) WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.

i’m fine with the miss pauling ones, at least two of them, because yeah, it’s canon that she doesn’t have the most time and i imagine if ur not a merc or work in that area a relationship might be a bit hard? but shes an honest person, i don’t think she’s gonna lie to you. idk im very neutral about the pauling ones, if anything theyre the most in character of this shithole list.

all i have to say for pyro is like. yk those people who hc pyro as aroace except theyre super weird about it? like theyre either infantilizing them or have weird ableist feelings about pyro? yeah thats the vibes im getting. actually wait where did u pull codependent pyro from actually wtf

i think the “tryna live like hes 20” thing for spy is really fucking funny 💀 like go girl go live through that middle age crisis!!/j no but seriously. hes dating you hes gonna think you’re a 10, and even then YOU’RE SAYING IF YOU AGE AT ALL HE’LL LEAVE YOU??? CANON MILF LOVER SPY. “OFF TO VISIT YOUR MOTHER!” SPY TF2. WILL LEAVE YOU IF YOU GET OLD AND AGE AT ALL…? HE LIKES HIS WOMEN LIKE HE LIKES HIS WINE MOTHERFUCKER: AGED. sorry bad joke lets keep going uh- i think the other hcs are garbage too i just really hate specifically this spy hc. just this one specifically.

im not a sniper connoisseur, my friend will is way better versed in sniper’s characterization, but even i know this isnt sniper. “thinks if he argues long enough he’ll win”…? “cannot support you in anything”?!!?! “IF YOU’RE HIS FRIEND AND YOU TWO GET INTO A BAD ARGUMENT PREPARE TO NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN” IM GENUINELY AT A LOSS FOR WORDS. I JUST. I DONT..? WHAT DO I EVEN SAY. I DONT K N O W WHAT TO SAY. BUT IF I DID KNOW WHAT TO SAY I’D BE SAYING VERY BAD THINGS.

i dont think scout is misogynistic- i see why people think that but me personally i just think he has no game and people mistake it as violent misogyny for some reason. but. listen we know scout is a dick we do okay but he loves women. why would he cheat on you.? bro he’d be glad u picked him 😭 AND THEN THE PERIOD THING?? he was raised by a SINGLE MOM do you REALLY think shes gonna raise him and let him think that way about a natural body function. im speaking entirely from the single mom experience and the answer is NO!!!! also how is loving your mother a red flag. being the youngest child is also a red flag, i guess. and having issues with his dad. (/s) also, second verse same as the first: IF HES DATING YOU HE THINKS YOU’RE A 10 WHAT IS SO HARD TO FUCKING GET ABOUT THISHXWHBVWBWBXvqvsbs?1?2!2’wndjwke

uhhh soldier wasnt. here for some reason. so nothing to say about him.

anyway leave ur opinions below. i rly dont wanna get into any tumblr drama or internet drama at all bc it scares me dearly and im always self conscious about leaving a bad digital footprint especially over something as petty as tf2 drama but i cannot stand for this slander I CANNOT‼️‼️‼️‼️ sorry if u also think im mischaracterizing anyone here i only put hours of studying into my fav mercs and thats. abt it,, listen im silly okay

[whatudowhennooneseesyou]

LMFAOOOOO RUBYYYY that ask ab ur mommy!hwa series 😭 i mean i kinda get that there might be lots of people like that person who may be uncomfortable about 18+ fanfics but like????? idk why they take those seriously, tbh. it's literally a FANFIC. i dint think those that u write fanfic for would even take their time looking their name up especially here on tumblr. it is very easy to scroll away and let other people enjoy the things that they do.

is it invasive to write stuff ab how he is in bed according to his birth chart? not really but quite? however, i dont think it's something people should take too seriously. astrology is fun. his chart is literally out there for free lmao. u're doing us (whose knowledge ab astrology and stuff isnt broad) a favor. it makes us curious.

and if it's a genuine concern, idk how hard it is for that person to use a tad bit nicer language. fuming mad for something they put themselves into ijbol like plsssss do urself a favor and as per their language, scroll the fuck away???? bahdhshshsh

GENUINE QUESTION THO: what does "mommy" mean when u use it to hwa? is it also like daddy but since hwa is intuned to his feminine side, he's more of like a mommy than daddy? LMFAOFI3IJRKGJJT SORRY I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND ITTTTT : (((( coz i havent read such fic w the same theme— using mommy to a male subject. hope i dont sound rude. ><

and.. pls post more about seonghwa's natal chart observations because i enjoy yours so much. they're very detailed and i resonate with it well since i almost have the same chart as him (as i was born 8 days after him) so yeah!

LOVE UR BLOGS SO MUCH! <3

Hey! The response to this ask is legit over a year late but better late than never and I have been excited to reply to this one for awhile.

For context, this was sent after I was sent a hate anon ask in my inbox stating that I was gross for calling Seonghwa 'Mommy' and analysing his kinks in my natal chart reading.

I just don't understand why ppl won't take the easier route and just scroll, like you're expelling unnecessary energy writing and I'm expelling unnecessary cognitive energy by reading it.

The 'should ppl write smut about real life celebrities' has been a question asked for literal DECADES now and i'm always on the belief that if you don't take it srsly- it's all good.

I just watched an interview with Ryan Reynolds who admitted to reading the smut ppl have written about him and loving every second of it-

If the celebrity I wrote fanfics for actively said 'I'm uncomfortable with ppl writing smut about me' then I would respect their wishes and not do it but until then, I'm going to keep doing it.

Besides, the members of Ateez know about the fanfics written about them from that time San googled actual fanfiction on Naver in one of his lives.

And so I think they're all probably okay with it and too worried about being an idol to care about atiny's writing smut about them

I personally think my smut fics and readings are on the same level of invasiveness as 'the way I would let this man *redacted* *redacted* me'- like it's okay to say to Atiny's but maybe not so much to the members.

(although if the members read my natal chart readings I would love to get their opinion).

MOVING ON!!!

'Mommy' is just another authority title you would use in the same way as you would call someone 'Daddy', 'Sir', 'Master' etc.

It's not an age-play/age-regression thing at all and ppl confuse the two, I'm personally not into age-play/regression- it's not my thing.

For etc, my fics all use the term w/o de-aging the reader in anyway.

I wAsn't the first person who has affiliated 'mommy kink' with Seonghwa, that title goes to @hongism when I read her fic many moons ago and was in love with the concept.

I just found that the title fit with Seonghwa in such a beautiful way with his caring but dominant persona and I found it's a great way of dismantling gender norms and expectations surrounding masculinity.

In terms of not finding other male idols who have been called 'Mommy', there are a few Mommy!Hyunjin ones (I've written some too) and he's a popular idol for the concept too but there are other idols I've seen such as Lee Know and Mingi.

If you go on my blog and type in #mommy!may there are SO many fics I've reblogged where the mommy kink is used for all your smutty needs.

That's so cool you're born in 98 as well! I was born in April too so I completely resonate with parts of Seonghwa's natal chart as well.

In terms of more 18+ observation...uhh I'm not 100% certain that Seonghwa is low-key an exhibitionist but with his Aquarius Venus and the fact he looks at Atiny's with such a lustful gaze when he performs...

The chances are pretty high.

[twistedyapping]

booktok is a peculiar phenomenon.

so i just watched a video on the disaster that is booktok (the video in question) and it got my brain going ur honor.

a lot of booktok tropes and such revolve around the whole enemies to lovers thing and listen 🎶🎶Random Disclaiiaiamemmemrrr🎶🎶

if u fuck with enemies to lovers stuff that's fine yknow to each their own, this is just gonna be me yapping abt why i don't understand it that much

ive always seen stuff along those lines and especially always seen an immense amount of hype behind it like "omg enemies to lovers is the best trope" and stuff like that- and i have never been able to get behind it for some reason

i even tried it on cai at one point like there was a prompt where i was like Huh ya this definitely seems like enemies to lover stuff- fuck it ill try it why not-

and it just made me Angry- like it was awful- i love the character i did it with to this day but in that specific moment i Hated his fucking guts- like no room for reconciliation level hate And he was indeed going along with the usual enemies to lovers trope that im aware of at least- yknow big argument that ends in fucking or something- Dude my blood was BOILING u have no fucking idea.

and maybe it's my relationship with anger and like the fact that i have trust issues and such but after that i just like. genuinely don't get the concept.

Ok so lemme get this straight right- two people hate each other, cannot stand each other!!! cant even be in the same room together- And then somehow they dont ?. And they fuck ?.

like do these ppl have such short emotional attention spans that the second one of them starts rizzing the other up they just totally forget abt "Oh ya i hated you actually"????? Like are u THAT horny??? Is that what it is?????????

is the enjoyment of the trope coming from the fact that the sexual aspect overpowers the hate aspect?

on one hand i dont care that much But on the other hand i genuinely wanna know bc there must be a psychological component to it that im missing-

is it the adrenaline rush?? the feeling that you're doing something wrong???

listen im AAAAAALLLLLLLL for the concept of like losing control over ur emotions via Fucking But enemies to lovers still isnt it for me-

it has to be like the wrong terminology or something maybe- bc there's no way if ur gonna be going from enemies to lovers that u were Actually enemies in the first place- like u must've been like. Just two people that were in love with each other but didnt wanna admit it.

in which case that's certainly not actual enemies, it's basically just miscommunication tbh

and at THAT point i can get it like that TOTALLY makes sense to me- but the ones where it's like.

"my name is inigo montoya. you killed my father. prepare to die." and the other person's just like "haha. wanna fuck 😎" LIKE BRO WHAT IS GOING ON HAHAHAHHAHAHA

and im sure there have been some books or even fanfics where the enemies to lovers trope has been genuinely well executed, well enough that anyone in their right mind could appreciate it as genuinely good fiction, but i have not seen that so im kinda left in the dark here.

the stuff i see on booktok is also very concerning ngl- it's a lot of these like. older, violent men manhandling these younger women (in fiction ofc, at least i hope none of them are based off of true stories 😧) and like degrading the shit out of them but somehow being painted as "attractive" and "alluring" Like. Bro what.

again i totally get sexual degradation and stuff but only when it's coming from the right place???? Like you're doing it because it's what the other person Wants and what makes them feel good- But this shit isn't that and if it's trying to be, it's horribly executed bc they're essentially just going off of the concept of "one person THINKS that's what the other person wants but we don't actually know if it's true or not bc surprise surprise, there was no communication beforehand of ANY kind."

im the kinda guy that u gotta kinda code shit in for me right- consent is non-negotiable But if u fuckin ask me "Do i have ur consent to fuck you" NOT ANYMORE U DONT!!!! DAMN!!!!! WHERE'S THE ATMOSPHERE WHERE'S THE PIZZAZZ BITCH 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

so im not sayin these books or fanfics or whatever absolutely HAVE to have like a terms and agreement kinda fuckin scene where they go over what they fuck with and what they dont But what im sayin is damn you couldn't've like... Kinda talked about it at least...? Like idk maybe a scene in passing where one of em calls the other a bitch and then they're like "wow wow wee wow say that again mister!!!" U KNOW LIEK HAHHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHA

ur writers!!! get creative!!!!!! And im sure the above thig i described has indeed happened multiple times BUT DO IT BETTER!!!!! DAMN!!!!!!!!

anyway i have no idea But ive just never been able to get behind the booktok stuff man it's literally just glorified corn- Haha korn- Yeunara oo ratapenetaa eentaa ooo- and it's a very weird side of tiktok to me like yessirrrrr sex positivity u love to see it But not. Not like that.

sex positivity absolutely!!!!!! sexualization............ no...

And good lord i could do a whole other rant abt sexualization itself and how watered down the term has become but that's for another day ur honor-

and sexualization probably isn't the right word Exactly but im not quite sure else what 2 call it-

ANYWAY idk consider me uneducated but i Am willing to learn- there's gotta be a psychological component to it that i just dont know abt yet BUT im gonna end this yapping session here i think so thank u stay tuned for next time n i apologize if i came off wrong at any point bc i always wanna treat stuff like this with the due amount of respect while still being silly so 😮‍💨

- 🌙 -

[videostak]

I have no idea where this lying thing started with my mom. Like idk alot of the problems began to become rly bad around covid til present and its hard to think of the exact moment but its just insane i have no idea what to do w/ someone who is so comfortable constantly lying. And its not like a lying in specific situations type scenario she will just constantly lie w/o any shame even if we're all telling her we know shes lying. Like a therapist is def the only option that could help but i dont even know how much help it will do since shes so comfortable lying to people right to their faces that idk how many sessions shed need to tell the truth even once. I hate that i feel invested in this again mainly cause i dont want my sister to feel as awful abt it as i kno she does and also will make the situation w/ my dad and mom worse very badly and i dont want my little sister to continue to be raised so badly. My mom used to be genuinely a good hearted person since both me and my sister turned out respectful n stuff its just heartbreaking how much she just worsens our relationship w/ her and the lying is honestlu worse than the drinking cause it makes any communication impossible. She told me the following day after we talked that she wasnt gonna drink and is gonna change and less than two days later already bought two wine bottles. I hate having this fear knowing theres only so much she can drink b4 she gets into an accident and at this point i just pray it doesnt happen when she has somebody else in the car. Its insane how much she just totally disregards so much of what she taught us as kids. Lying isnt a problem for her nor is drunk driving and she constantly gaslights us when we show concern. All she does now is beg for forgiveness whenever she gets caught. Rn u feel saddled w/ trying to make a change but i cant even look at her. I hope a breakthrough can happen soon just incase i get that thrift job cause if i do get i know things are gonna get worse w/ no one home. I just rly cant stand her and it drives me so mad. A week ago i was able to be unfazed by it but now i feel involved again since if nothing changes she could end up srsly hurting family members that i do care for. Like i hope therapy can make some change buy thatll take a very long while but the fact that shes doing it shows she atleast wants to try but idk it just is fucked. I am a happy person tho its not getting me down cause i am v optimistic abt this thrift job. And just trying to be at peace. W/ my own life.

[b0mblover]

Snowflakes and drugs dont mix (that) well

By: J

(im not even kidding while writing this i got such bad eye pain, i stg lopt is just tormenting me anytime i do anything related to jirou without him in it)

(also this is prob extremely ooc bc im basically describing/romantasiing my own life :,) yes my life sucks dont remind me)

(again, im very muchly not a writer, i was bored and decied to make the probably first jirocrown fic of life 🙂 im genuinely sorry to anyone who reads this shit)

(anon on twt, gfys, and no this isnt supposed to be taken that damn seriously, ik theres an asston of mistakes, but its almost 3 am and i need to sleep!! alr alr u can read it now chill)

-5° (c 23°f) -5° it was cold out, extremely cold. Jirou was walking on a backroad, he didnt know what it was called, even though he had been down it hundreds of times. Around 1 (am) Crown said hed pay him for a drug run, which was rather normal, go on a drug run, hang out with crown, sleep, go home. The only issue was that it took around 30 minutes or so to get there, also normally okay, in the summer. Where he lived, got extremely cold in the winter months, in a “im going to call off of work today because ill get frostbite if i try to go outside” way. This wouldnt be an issue if there was public transport, but of course, the world apparently hated jirou. Jirou was half way there, hands almost shaking because of the temperature, he dealt with the cold ironically well, the reason it didnt bother him as much as normal people was unimportant to him. (reason is because he used to sit on the porch to not hear his parents fight, though it never really worked that well) Maybe it was a fragile ego, maybe he was just broke, but hed never wear gloves, even with the possibility of frostbite taking his hands. He knocked on Crowns door, though he had a key, he felt like he could barely move any joints in his hand to grab them. After a 3 rough minutes, Crown answered the door letting him in. “Ah th thanks, ‘preciate ya getting the shit” Crown handed him  about ¥14000 “This is too much crown” “nah its freezing out plus ive been meaning to pay ya back anyways” “I, if you say so” he was hesitant to take it, but ultimately decided that, crown, a literal serial killer, wouldnt decide to screw him over, at least not like that. 

As normal, they both walked over to the (admittedly dirty) couch, crown, in a pose that was slightly… provocative, jirou sitting normally (as normal as a gay man can). Crown sat a powder on to the table, “uh you gotta card or somethin dude?” jirou handed him a razor blade, “uh vaguely concerned as to why you carry that but thanks either way, uh youre not gonna like use that now though right?” “nnah, dumbass i know what youre doing im staring right at you, why would i hand you something that i was gonna use” “i mean look, you made paintings out of your own blood, for no real reason either! youre not as predictable as you think” “whatever ya say just hurry up” “damn why you say impatient huh?” crown brought his face down to the table after making the powder into a mostly straight line. “Cause i want my share already and you take too long” Crown tossed him the razor blade, jirou aligned the powder into a straighter line than crowns, and snorted it as well. “Yeayea whatever man, the hell should we do any ways, too cold to go out, any ideas?” “sure i have several but the last time we did any of my ideas someone had to be killed cause they were a witness” “ah right, well uh, wanna play uno?” “gonna be real with ya c, the joints in my fingers feel like the are fucking screwed shut at the moment so I’m gonna have to pass” “your joints where what” “*sighs* (bc how do u write a sigh phonetically) fingers too cold, fingers barely move because cold” “oh, what nah lemme feel bro” “fine fine whatever” crown moved his hands onto Jirous, and, of course, they were extremely cold. “Damn dude what the hell, how long where you outside for?” “uh i mean i was smoking when you texted so at least like i dunno 15 minutes more than normal?” “man the hell, cmere” crown had gotten closer and brought Jirou into a hug, granted it didn’t do much, the heating and cooling had been busted for months, crown was surviving on 15 blankets, but it felt nice. Jirou was aware that hugging someone, at least in the position they were in, wouldn’t do much, but he let crown anyways, for a drug addicted serial killer, he always felt at home with Crown, wanted. “Ugh alright alright c i get it okay? i love you too chill” “if i were to chill at the moment id freeze to death jirou” “yea yea i get it kay? I’m gonna go lay down” “right behind ya” Crown followed Jirou into the one bedroom that was there, it was noticeably colder than other rooms such as the living room, but it was much more “lively” or “lived in” plus the mattress on the ground that they insisted on calling a bed with 15 blankets kinda made up for it too. Jirou fell onto the mattress, groaning out a tiny bit before going quite again. Crown sat himself down on the opposite side, pulling two of the blankets off where they were stacked before getting under the one that was already on the bed. Jirou did the same after taking his socks off, he recalled how when this first started, how crown and him would fight about if he should take his jacket off before laying down. back then he’d say it was because he was cold, maybe it was slightly true, or the fact he didn’t want him to see his cuts and scars. After a particularly awful trip Jirou experienced after taking way too much of god knows what and almost having to go to the er, crown was, for lack of a better term in his eyes, well aware, of Jirous life, he broke down to him. After that he was careful with what he said before Jirou called him out for walking on eggshells around him, annoyed that crown was essentially “babying him”, granted unknown if it was on purpose or not. Jirou after laying down, staring at the ceiling, got closer to crown, almost suffocating him with his (fucking gigantic) oversized jacket. Crown moved what he assumed was the hood of the jacket so he could breath and brought Jirou into a tight hug. Jirou accepted, pushing into it instead of pulling away like usual. Crown could feel how cold his skin was, and how warm he felt inwardly.

[koishua]

hi vienna ,, tbh u dont need to read this bc idk if itd be triggering (body image issues) and id rather u not trouble urself bc of me but id like to vent somewhere and i dont have any1 to talk 2 so pls feel free to ignore .

ive always been overweight for my age but i never faced any bullying abt it other than some very occasion name calling of "fat" in elementary school and my family's disaproval for the way i look. as i grew up, i started to feel more comfortable around others despite not being satisfied with the way i look and i assumed that as kids mature they become more accepting, bc i had never been truly bullied b4 i just assumed it might be rare in communities such as where i lived compared to some of the horror stories i had heard. anyways all my life i had assumed people had been seeing me for more than what i looked like, i always tried to be kind and make a good impression on other but ig that's not true. as much as i love my circle of friends, im not sure i can see them same after what happened on friday. it isnt even their fault, i just feel very insecure now. but basically in 1 of my classes, we had a change in seating so i no longer sat near my friends but 2 acquantainces (they're rlly sweet girls but idk them too well) and this one guy that i also dont know very well other than that in 8th grade he had dated an old friend of mine for a little bit. but anywyas tbh i feel like im just being dramatic but i srsly can't get his conversation out of my mind . the boy was sat next to me and talking to his friend, their convo alr starting off on a wierd note abt kanye west. and the guy next to me (ill call him ray to make it easy) starts off by saying that kanye's note all that bad and has said some pretty true things. ray then goes on to say that fat people dont deserve to exist and body positivity is a completely stupid subject bc it only encourages obesity and unhealthy habits. all the while he's saying this, seated right next to me and im pretty sure he was glancing at me while saying it too . those 90 minutes were the most uncomfortable in my entire life. i was literally panicking while he was talking abt it and it's all that i can think of now. their conversation was truly disturbing to me and my confidence feels as if its completely tanked . his comments of "fat people are gross" and "being fat shouldnt be celebrated" keep ringing in my head everytime i go out or see myself in a mirror. i genuinely feel so broken and it hurts that theyve probably dont realize the effect of their words but also it hurts that that's all they can see me as. not another human being or a classmate but just "fat". idk where im going with this but i dont feel ok and i feel so exhausted now ,, just the thought of having to see ray's face again or hear his voice is scaring me . maybe im just overthinking but i cant help but wonder if my friends picture me the same way. am i even deserving of love if im so "ugly" . my friends sometimes comment that i look way older than my age or that i could pass for college aged and even comments like those are hard to brush off for me. sometimes i wonder if i should restrain my jokes and personality to stay kind bc that's all i am to them. just a source of comfort, and if i dont do that then i could be easily execused. im always scared of saying the wrong thing but now i keep wondering if it would never even matter bc all anyone will ever see me as is "fat" . it's not like i haven't tried to lose weight so i rlly hate everything that ray said and its srsly put me thru sm turmoil . anyways i shld keep this brief (sorry for the rant) and im sorry again for using ur inbox to rant , i rlly hope this doesn't cause you any pain or you find it triggering :( i apologize if it has caused you any concern or pain. i hope ur good and stay happy vie

tw: body image and weight talk

hello, dear :( let me start this off by saying that don't worry, i am perfectly alright and am glad that you feel it's safe enough to vent and write your feelings out in my inbox. you don't have to apologize for anything! i am the one who says that they're open if anyone needs to rant or vent. i would never judge. i had to read this a few times in order to collect my thoughts, so pardon me for delaying this a bit. i wasn't sure if you wanted my direct response, so i will just keep it short.

i won't say that i completely understand what you've been through and i can't speak on experiences i haven't personally lived through. however, as another human being, i will say this: you absolutely deserve to exist. i hope you never ever doubt that. i know how difficult it is to deal with comments about your appearance and it angers me so much that you're treated this way. i get how the side comments every now and then feels. bullying is horrible, but this is just as bad for someone's self esteem and health. im truly so sorry and wish i could do something for you, but i can't because of obvious reasons (that being me being just an online presence and not there with you).

i just want to reassure you that no matter what anyone says, you deserve love and life and goodness. a lot of people don't understand how difficult it is when you don't weigh below a certain number or how isolated that could make someone feel regardless if they're mentioned or not. everyone is so much more than just their appearance. idk how else i could help you other than to strongly remind you that you are you and that should be enough for your friends and that people should learn to keep their mouths shut on their opinions about other people's appearance. it doesn't matter if you lose the weight or if you tell them you struggle a lot with it. those people should reassess the way they're treating another human being with real feelings and thoughts. never lose who you are and trying to be what other people need and want you to be. it may end up making things worse, i know, and im not sure if you've ever told them directly that their words are extremely rude and hurtful and that they should stop, but someone (even if it's not you yourself) really, really should.

i pray that none of what i said has further upset you in any way. if so, i sincerely apologize :( i genuinely hope that this never happens to you again and that you'll have a greater year than ever and that you'll find wholehearted acceptance and love from those you are surrounded by and that you'll slowly but surely feel comfortable in your own skin. take care and you're loved! people like the ray you mentioned are not worth feeling bad over.

[belovedcherie]

I posted 498 times in 2022

That's 498 more posts than 2021!

94 posts created (19%)

404 posts reblogged (81%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@luymani

@pcktknife

@tizzymcwizzy

@belovedcherie (lol its me)

@buggachat

I tagged 497 of my posts in 2022

#art - 137 posts

#reblog - 128 posts

#fav!!! - 101 posts

#cherie's chats - 69 posts

#miraculous ladybug - 64 posts

#project sekai - 56 posts

#cherie watches stuff! - 30 posts

#cherie's aesthetic - 21 posts

#spy x family - 20 posts

#splatoon - 18 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#if i had a penny for everytime we were worried bakugou died i'd have 2 pennies which isnt a lot but its concerning that it happened twice..

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

THAT TEASER IS GOING TO PUT ME IN A DAMN COMA

9 notes - Posted July 1, 2022

#4

thoughts on multiplication

bc i need to scream about this SOMEWHERE. LIKE WOW. OKAY.

obviously spoilers are under the cut !!

tld;r: yelling abt adrien and WHAT ARE EVERYONES INTENTIONS??

ADRIEN FALLING FOR MARINETTE ADRIEN FALLING FOR MARINETTE ADRIEN FALLING FOR MARINETTE ADRIEN FALLING FOR MARINETTE

yes im gonna yell about this first because adrienette holds my HEART YOU DONT UNDERSTAND THEY R EVERYTHING TO ME </3

ive been waiting for adrien to pin for marinette in canon for so long and season 3 def delivered with the little stares he was giving her BUT NOW THAT ITS FRFR HAPPENING?? HIS BLUSH WHEN HE LOOKS AT HER IN THE MORNING? HIM IMMEDIATELY CALLING HER UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT TO TELL HER HOW SPECIAL SHE IS? SOBBING

okay but the fact that he probs tried to kiss her every. day. we only saw 3 sequences but if that montage happened over the span of several weeks..... i am swooning. i am in tears. shambles.

adrien had me KICKING MY FEET AND RUNNING LAPS OKAY I HAD TO PAUSE SO MANY TIMESSDHFK

that being said before i write an essay on light of my life adrien lets talk abt,,,

reverse love square??

i love the idea of reverse love square bc adrien being a lovesick fool for marinette is my aesthetic but iM JUST HJDGSFSGKF BC OF THE TIMINGG

i was kinda hoping for some sudden rapid development today but im not complaining at all dw 🙏🏾 simp-drien is enough

the ladynoir moments are real cute tho :( them playing cards im cryingsdjhs

im excited to see the ship dynamic in the future episodes heheheh

GABRIEL. AGRESTE.

this man becomes more of a loser every episode what else is there to say

him digitalizing adrien.... funny... not funny haha...funny weird....

i hate when this guy gets smarter cuz he always has some wack trick up his sleeve 😔 but i wanna know more abt those weird siri rings

ALSO HOW DOES TOMOE PLAY IN THIS?? i think she knows hes hawkmoth but why is she helping him?? ik they were leading up to their partnership before so i guess we'll finally see why they were so secretive in the past!!

lie-la

i was gonna talk abt her in the gabriel point but this girl is so annoying she deserves one for herself

SHE GETS ON MY LAST NERVEEE

the genuine irritation i feel whenever i see her character on screen is actually funny

"ladybugs just a kid we need to forgive her ;(" GIRL I HOPE PARIS CAN FORGIVE U FOR THE CRIMES YOU'VE COMMITTED??

im sorry theres nothing productive to say abt her other than the fact that it seems shes going to play a bigger role this season (sadly) (but also yay cuz she brings the spice)

okay last point is abt felix

HELP WHEN HE APPEARED AT THE END 💀💀 THIS GUY WAS HERE THE WHOLE TIME????

i hope and PRAY he treats dusuu well homegirls been going through it D:

WHAT. ARE. HIS. INTENTIONS.

See the full post

11 notes - Posted June 21, 2022

#3

i saw miraculous was trending and i was like OMG IS THERE FINALLY A NEW SEASON 5 EP?? but it was just beau 😭

12 notes - Posted August 30, 2022

#2

HI so um. back in 2020 kade made this meme thing and i dont think ive ever recovered from it bc I WAS SO TOUCHED LIKE 🙁 NOBODYS EVER MADE ME A MEME BEFORE

since we started talking again a month (+ a day bc i am late) ago i had the idea to make him one in return bc TALKING TO U MAKES ME SO HAPPY AND U DESERVE THE WORLD !!!

sooo here ya go @luymani ILYSM!! happy one month anniversary /p (that sounded way funnier in my head im so sorry LMAO)

13 notes - Posted August 9, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

thinking abt my son syaoran li ♡

See the full post

27 notes - Posted July 27, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

obviously this is not a hard and fast rule but i feel like if you're on the side of "im always getting harassed for liking X character or doing Y thing" and not the side of "they way this fandom/these specific fans interact with this media makes me uncomfortable" you should at least take a step back and consider if maybe the ppl "harassing" you have a point

honestly the way fandom supports "let ppl do what they want" and "leave people alone" and "just block and move on" more than it supports like. deconstructing problematic trends in fandom and making the space comfortable for as many types of fans as possible is so fucking disheartening to me

[ririspace]

Hey! How are you doing? I was wondering if you could do a AU Hwang jun-ho x female!reader fanfic where the reader gets scared by thunderstorm and he comforts her. And also can you make it fluffy?

Thank you, hope you have a great day/night ahead. Take

hey hey!thank u for requesting!!im doing pretty fine :D i hope you dont mind it being a school!au situation:dd

ALSO:PLS TELL ME IF YOU WANT TO BE ADDED TO THE TAGLIST,THANK U!

WARMTH DURING A STORM

warning(s):fluff,not proof read,school!au,written lowercase,soft junho <3

tags: @sweettooth-simps @jeonselca @gay-mother-figure @ghot-girl @squidgame-imagines @sangwoosbixch @mileslovessangwoo

ringgg!the bell rang indicating school’s finally finish for the day.you wish to went home straight away but the current situation isnt much of a help;the dark sky was lit up by lightning,resulting in heavy pouring rain and strong winds—and you hate thunderstorms more than anything.

your friend arent there to walk home with you,since they have things to settle with your homeroom teacher—which leaves you and the student council;jun ho,your classmate,which you never really have so much interaction with,since hes introverted and holds an supreme position in the student council unit,making it difficult to cross path,at the school entrance.

“are you not going to leave?”

jun-ho glaced at you

“i hate thunderstorms.ill wait till it pass..”

“ill walk you home then.the school will be empty soon in 10 minutes,it’s dangerous to leave a girl alone,”his tone seems concerned.

“n-no!its fine,really.its not the first time this has happened..!”you tried to protest.being a student council is tiring in the first place,now he wants to walk you home?that’ll burden him more,you dont want that.

“y/n,listen.its a natural phenomena,there’s nothing you should be worry about,alright?i dont want any student under my watch to get hurt..especially someone i know.”his words might comes off ‘cold’ but it really felt genuine,to come from someone like him.

“o-okay,if you say so.but i want to say that i get a bit touchy if im shocked,i hope its not a problem to you,”you sighed as you open your umbrella.before you could hold it up,a hand grabbed the umbrella’s handle.

“ill hold it,it’ll be easier since im taller.i hope thats okay with you,”

“alright,”you grind.at times like this,nice to have some company.

“okay,here we go”

the thunderstorms doesnt seems like it’ll stop at any moment—rain petters against every windows,the wind gusting so strongly your skirt’s gotten blowed up several times already.it was nightmare.you cant stand to even hear the rumble of the thunder,let alone walking during it.

BOOM!

“eek!!”

you squealed.the sudden loud noise the thunder emits reflexed in you holding onto jun-ho’s arm.

“I-IM SO SO SORRY..” you panicked as you let go of his arm.

“no,you..you can keep holding it..”

“huh?”

“i said you can keep holding onto it,i-if that makes you feel better.”

you never thought someone as cold as him would offer you something like this.

“ah..okay,”you shifted your gaze at him,locking both of your eyes together resulting in his cheek becoming red.he quickly covered his face with his hand to hide his embarrassment.

“pfft,”you chuckled.you cant help but to laugh a bit—seriously,seeing someone like jun-ho hiding his feeling when it’s obvious is entertaining,and very rare—its not everyday you see him being open about his emotions.

“what’s funny?is there something on my face?”

“nope,its nothing.dont worry about it.”

both of you continued to walk.the surrounding was chilly but with him by your side,it doesnt feel that cold at all.his warmth makes your stomach tickled with butterflies.

everything was doing fine until a car speeded through the road leading to jun-ho’s getting splashed which made his shirt to be soaking wet.

“D-DO YOU NEED ANYTHING TO COVER?I HAVE A SPARE SWEATER IN MY BAG..”

“sure..thanks a lot”

“here,” you handed him the sweater while holding the umbrella.

both of you stopped by a closed alleyway to protect you from the rain and well,to give him privacy to change.raindrops makes the loudest noise when they fall at the shingles of the roof,each drop represented your heartbeat,as you were about to saw jun-ho to change his clothe right before your eyes.oh god this feels so wrong.

“dub dab dub dab”

he disrobe his wet shirt by his neck,exposing his bare abs.

“i hope im not making you uncomfortable..”

“no..its..its fine,” you shrugged.you are ABSOLUTELY not fine.you never really that close to him let alone seeing him taking his clothe off??youre living your y/n moment..

“i didnt expect it to fit on me..”

“well..good thing i bought one,right?”

“yea,haha”

“jun-ho,loook!!”

the thunderstorm finally stopped.the dark sky turned to reddish orange.the evening sun cast long shadows on the ground. The slanting rays of the setting sun gave a warm orange tinge to the sky,trees and raindrops complimented it more.the scenery took your breath away,its straight out of a fairytale.

“guess we wont be needing an umbrella anymore,huh”

you finally arrived at your house after the long walk.

“hey,jun-ho”

“yes?”

“thank you for the walk home.and for showing me a side of you ive never knew until just now.” giving him a warm,beaming smile.

“you too,ill see you tomorrow.meet me at my desk..”he patted you on your head,as a ‘thank you’ gesture,smiling back.

“you look good smiling,junho.i dont regret today to rain.”

[one-and-lonely16]

You haven’t been active today and i was concerned caz i thought maybe that six form thingy made you sad or something 😭 anyways im glad ure okay and just drawing :D tell us a bit about ur ocs? :D

ACK- U WERE WORRIED?? THAT MAKES ME HAPPY BUT YEAH IM FINE NOW

anyways

im glad u asked >:)

SO! blondie in the middle is called andi. she is captain of a ship called the black beauty. she ran away from home at the age of 19. her brother died when she was 15. girl got buckets of trauma. loves her crew. was voted queen of the seas a while back. pansexual. bit of a whore but we love her

the one kissing her head is ryka. she is the princess of aeria and she joins andi's crew for a brief time bc she wants to find the heart of the ocean (theres so much more lore but its like i dont wanna give too much away). the reason she's the only one really interacting with andi properly in the drawing is bc they are endgame. shes a lesbian but was arranged to marry a man (not bc the world is homophobic, its just she hated the rest of the suitors her parents approved of)

next to ryka is lukas. he was andi's childhood friend and first love. they were together at the age of 13-14, but eventually broke up bc best if they were friends (loved each other platonically not romantically. thats why hes further away than the others). however, when andi gets with iris and aria leaves, they fall out and he eventually goes to find aria. at the timeline in the story, he is dead

laying on andi's lap is rosa. she is actually one of my favourites to write. a girlboss. an icon. she is a prostitute, but like shes knows what shes worth and wont take shit from anyone. her and andi don't love each other (hence the reason u cant see her face), but andi is like her fav client and shes andis fav whore i guess (that sounds fucked up but like they genuinely are friends and care about each other)

on the floor is syrena. shes a mermaid. and like she is completely and utterly in love with andi (they have slept together) but it is one-sided. andi cares for her as a friend, but isnt in love with her. thats why shes on the floor and looking up, showing her devotion as such, but how unrequited it is. the definition of the other woman. shes actually really sweet (despitr always suggesting to eat ryka so andi doesnt have any problems)

the one looking up at andi is aria. she wasn't friends with andi as long as lukas was, but was still a childhood friend. she met lukas through being andi's gf at the time. they went out for a few months when they were 14, but then aria said she wanted to focus on training and they broke up (andi was starting to fall in love with her but understood and was ok being friends). after andi started spiraling, she left and joined the navy for where they are from (i cant remember what i called the place and my notebook is god knows where)

then last but certainly not least is iris. she is a priestess for the deities. she got with andi just after her brother died (andi doesnt have the best coping mechanisms) she knew of this prophecy about the heart of the ocean and whilst she did care for andi, she was kind of manipulating her for the deities so this prophecy could be fulfilled. andi worshipped her. i wouldnt say it was love bc of unhealthy it was but she was obsessed. when andi ran away, they said goodbye and broke up but yeah. shes really powerful. she does care for andi and then in the future helps them find the heart and fix all the problems that come with the heart

thats all of them in the photo, soz for the long post i could go on for hours

[theunconcernedembalmer]

what’s the issue with elisop? is it just bc you hc aesop as ace? im so concerned by seeing ppl adamantly opposed to mlm/wlw ships but im also genuinely curious about why you dislike it and other lgbt ships so much lol

hmm. that is a strong accusation, n i find it just a bit odd. are you new here? or perhaps you are taking personal offense at my dislike towards a favourite ship of yours and using the lgbt argument as moral high ground?

whatever the case may be, i thank you for asking. if u r truly looking for an answer, its below the cut n it is very very long. mind u these are all my personal opinions n i am in no way policing how others enjoy ships. just in case this wasnt clear; i dont wish to start discourse on this blog, especially since my takes are probably... unpopular.

firstly i would like to address the “disliking lgbt ships” bit, because this has very strong implications in itself. i have nothing against lgbt ships. i enjoy them, even. if the two characters have chemistry between each other, i ship it. however, the moment characterization is broken for the sake of romance, i lose interest. this is generally my stance on ships in general, n this applies for both straight n lgbt ships. 

the ships themselves are fine. however, i do have issues with the ship dynamics, so ill let u in on that.

i want to touch on mlm ships in particular; i believe u are familiar with the top/bottom dynamic that is rampant in these kinds of ships? (i wont deny that this dynamic can be found in other types of ships, but for arguments sake i will be focusing on gay ships because i feel that this occurs more commonly here) its such a popular dynamic that is prone to stripping the personality from one if not both characters, only for them to be reduced to being dominant/submissive. for a character to be pigeonholed into a stereotypical category based on... preferred sexual positions? its just downright insulting, never mind the larger more problematic implications of it. top/bottom is not indicative of someones personality, by the way. flattening multi dimensional characters into these stereotypes is so so so insulting.

unfortunately this is The Most Popular portrayal of just about any gay ship around. ive seen it being used everywhere in so many fandoms n it just about becomes apparent to me that ppl come to stories looking for a Ship. not the stories, nor the characters, just a ship. while id like to say theres nothing wrong with that, keep in mind not everyone is just looking for 2 characters that look pretty next to each other. if i ship something, i see interesting n meaningful interactions between 2 characters, which is so often not the case once u bring in the top/bottom dynamic. why is it so popular? because somehow this is what ppl like from a gay ship n hence it sells. ppl want the drama, characterizations be damned. ppl want to see the big kiss that happens in the end, n maybe the sexy parts that come after. characterizations be damned.

so u can say im a little wary of gay ships when they cross my feed. hell, as a joseph aesop shipper i see this trope everywhere n im pretty disappointed as well. small tangent but i feel like this is the reason why zh0ngli n ch1lde is so popular in g3nshin. i try to see the appeal, i really do, but after a long while of analyzing their respective characters i dont think they have as much chemistry as ppl think they do. dont even get me started on how incredibly ooc they make either of these very interesting n unique characters in ship portrayals. all because of the top/bottom dynamic that ppl want to see. i say this for that particular ship, but this is pretty much the case for a lot of ships out there, n the latter part is painfully true even when the 2 characters do have potential between each other. ill say it again im disgusted by the blatant disrespect to the characterizations if all ppl ever want is 2 pretty puppets to mush lips together. cos thats what theyre essentially reduced to this way.

n its so obvious to see when an artist subscribes to this rhetoric, because u can so clearly see it in the way they draw their characters. the “top” generally has sharper features to go with their “dominating personality”, while the “bottom” has disturbingly softer, feminine, dare i say sometimes child like features “to submit”. n thats where the uwu soft gay trope comes from, i believe. which, in case u still dont know, i hate with a burning passion.

so again for ppl with impaired reading comprehension, im fine with ships, including lgbt ones, but the moment u break characterization for the sake of the ship, im not that okay with it. u want to do it for a short crack comic? fine. but if thats the only way ur portraying the 2 characters then im immediately wary of ur content. ill still look at it cos usually the art is really good, but im very very wary. so im not “adamantly opposed”, just very critical of how the ships are being portrayed. if other ppl want to enjoy their ships like that, sure. just dont expect me to join in on something i dont agree on.

.

now id like to address not shipping “because i hc aesop as ace”. for ppl who are new to the blog (hello there), im an ace in a romantic relationship, so thats definitely not the reason i dont ship elisop. its more of being in a relationship has largely shaped my views towards romance as a whole. even before i met my boyfriend, i hated the romance genre in stories n media. most of it comes off as incredibly forced, especially those love triangles they seem to love putting into teen novels. thats one reason why i stopped reading when i was younger, but i digress.

did i partake in shipping when i was younger? i did. for a gay ship too (if anyone really wants to know, its kurotsukki from haikyuu. at least this was one that i can remember, i was mostly working on my 20 odd ocs for the longest time). i also used to write little short romance ficlets that i never posted anywhere cos i hated (n still do hate) my writing. but writing romance when u dont have experience was really just a way of projecting n probably a way of coping for myself, not that i knew at that time. but after i actually started a relationship with my boyfriend (whom i love n cherish a lot thank u very much), i began to see how much all these have skewed my views towards romance n have actually done some harm to our relationship. the bullshit that the general media feeds u constantly doesnt help in the slightest either.

quick topic shift to elisop in particular (about time, right?). i already stated that i only ship characters if i sense chemistry between the two personalities, n if u have seen the part where i dont ship elisop then u must have seen how agonized i am over not being able to have a concrete personality for eli. that is the main problem i have with elisop: eli does not feel like a solid character to me. n that is a huge problem, because if he doesnt have any defining characteristics besides being mild n nice, then he can be whoever i want him to be. (i have done this in my exorcist comics, i will admit this. n the fact that i can just do that... it really does not sit well with me personally.)

n that is dangerous.

back to young me doing lil ship things. i think its also pretty safe to say when u really do ship 2 characters, chances are u kinda really relate very very hard to at least one of them. that very quickly can turn into projecting, n shipping therefore is not “exploring the relationship between 2 characters” n it becomes “my preferred dating simulator 101″. of course this isnt always the case, but at least it was for me, n subconsciously it might be for lots of ppl too. n since this is ur mental playground, u call the shots, n there is no consequences if u slightly (or even entirely) alter one or both personalities to fit ur desired narrative. n u wouldnt even notice or know, cos ur blind to ur own biasness.

we bring our perceived notions into real life, im sure u know that. so when ur partner does not become that perfect knight in shining armour, or when they get upset at things that u do (which is a very normal thing by the way), n u think (very subconsciously), That isnt what my otp would do, something is wrong here (nothing is wrong, actually its just ur skewed perception of a stable romantic relationship). why wouldnt ur otp do this? because u are both halves of ur otps, there is no hidden secrets between them (apart from the pining part but thats irrelevant), n again they have been altered to fit ur preferred narrative. 

a real relationship requires a lot of communication between parties, because newsflash, liking someone doesnt mean that u have to like every single thing they do, they will make mistakes n it will hurt u, n guess what, the reverse is also true. if u do go with absoutely anything that they would do with 0 objections whatsoever, ur not crushing on someone, ur idolizing them, n that power imbalance is detrimental to a relationship. these things are not obvious to ppl, especially when the whole climate is hell bent on getting into romantic relationships by a certain age or some bullshit. communication is key n is pretty much the only way to solve relationship issues, because the other person has a lot that u r not seeing n vice versa. as similar as 2 ppl can be, i doubt u can have 100% the same thoughts on all things. i dont make the rules.

so in ur mental playground u focus on the fluffy parts, maybe there is communication, but rarely is there any meaningful conflict. thats unrealistic, n if u bring that mindset to an actual relationship, thats not going to end well. i say meaningful conflict, because yes, generally u shouldnt have conflicts with ur significant other. but inevitably when ur with each other for long enough, u will realize that there are habits that u must change in order to be with the other person. habits that are harmful to the other person directly, or harmful habits towards yourself that indirectly harm the other person. these are meaningful in a sense that if left alone, it will manifest into larger problems that will harm u, the other person n the relationship as a whole. its meaningful to the relationship.

all these is made even worse if ur neurodivergent. maladaptive coping practices, self sabotaging behaviours, inherent disabilities. all these must be adjusted n addressed. im so incredibly thankful for my boyfriend for being incredibly patient with me when working all these out, n it has not been easy for me to work on myself n all my problems, n im still not done working on them. this aspect is often not explored in romance in general (or properly), n there is a very good chance i would have still been stuck in the unhealthy mindset of “this isnt like my otp, maybe we’re not meant to be”. because loving someone is a choice. no one is made for each other, it is a conscious choice made between 2 ppl to make things work. this is how arranged marriages work, i am told, n i do see the appeal, not that it actually does appeal to me culturally.

special mention to the kurotsukki ship, cos from there i found a very, very good fic that explored their relationship before n after getting together, n it actually showed aspects of this problem in the incredibly slow burn of (at that time) 20+ chapters. it was just one fic (n a very good one at that, i believe it was called Leviticus), but it had a lesson i never thought i needed to learn, n learn it i did, with a lot of help from my dear. 

this is also probably the reason why i dont really want to delve too much into romance now. i know its a lot of work, n everything (mostly) that the media feeds u is really false advertising, but ppl eat that shit up n so it remains one of the most popular genres to date. im just very wary that if i do start on a romantic story, i want to be able to show it in a way like that fic did, the truths of relationships, because i dont want to make something that sells, i want to make something that meaningful to me, if a little indulgent. n that also includes being very careful in how the respective characterizations will change in a relationship. almost too careful now that i think about it, but its not something that i mind. i was never one for romance from the start, n now im very careful about shipping because of what happened to me persoanlly.

okay enough about me, lets talk about aesop. in any au u put the character in, the essence of the character must remain despite the change in environment. so lets say we have ur typical modern au. dead mom, check. shitty mentor doing illegal stuff? also check. autistic boy with social anxiety? we’re good to go. all these have implications on aesop as a character, n while ppl are aware of this, again the way they go about portraying it can go, in my personal opinion, very wrong. ppl who immediately woobify aesop completely because he has autism annoy me. ppl who reduce him to uwu soft boi cos he has social anxiety do not know how the disorder really works n as someone who has that i hate it to the core. ppl who do all these for the sake of ship have lost my respect. its insulting.

remember the top/bottom dynamic? not that elisop is completely free from that (even if i dont know much about eli, to put him in either one of those stereotypes feels very insulting to his character. i wont even say anything about doing it to aesop its so upsetting), but its not entirely made up of either. but now i want to introduce another trope i am very wary of, which is “i can fix him”. im sure u guys have seen the meme going around poking fun at this trope (for those who havent, its along the lines of “u can fix him? well i can be his worst nightmare”) n no doubt yall would have seen it n gotten sick of it in some forced hetero romantic bullshit. we have one damsel in distress with a saviour that solves all their problems just by existing n being romo with each other.

remember “my preferred dating simulator 101″? this is not mutually exclusive n from my point of view this is dangerously close to this trope. lets be real, if it was actually a thing that all ur deep rooted trauma magically disappears if someone were to waltz into ur life, we would want it. definitely. no painfully dissecting ur own problems n constantly facing them head on. real life states that this is not the case, but it will not stop us from dreaming. n so this trope is born n lives n will go on.

(finally) pulling aesop n eli into this, at least in my mind, u have one severely traumatized boy with lots of issues n u have this. nice mild guy who can be anything u want him to be. i hope u can see where im going with this, n thats the direction i see some elisop heading towards (i dont read a lot of elisop to be fair). if u came from my eli character talk, i mentioned that it is incredibly one sided. this is exactly what im talking about.

putting it all together in case u havent already, aesop is the damsel in distress, whose problems magically disappear because of elis godly kindness n little to no work on improving himself, n they lived happily n gayly ever after.

can u tell how much that does not appeal to me. 

never mind the butchering of character that inevitably happens somewhere somehow, the unrealistically perfect themes n implications of this trope makes me so viscerally uncomfortable. this is, of course, due to personal reasons, n i definitely see the appeal of this dynamic because i would probably have been interested in this once upon a time as well. but as i am now, with everything i have explained up there n everything i have been through, i would politely rather not.

n its difficult to think of another dynamic, because of how little i know about eli apart from him being this saint, which easily makes him a candidate for being aesops trauma panacea. never mind aesop rarely, if ever, does anything for eli as a character in return, n its so damaging to buy into this rhetoric, where a person like this who would solve all ur issues no strings attached exists somewhere in the world. they really dont. a relationship has to be mutually benefitting, or it will be draining n disastrous. maybe u say, Oh its nice to imagine it once in a while. n yeah, i agree, except once in a while is a little difficult to keep track of n that is sort of what happened to me. id rather stay as far away as possible from this kind of unrealistic fantasy, i just got this shit sorted out with myself n my boyfriend.

i have some other reasons, but theyre more personally problematic, so i wont go into them here. but this is mostly n generally why i do not ship elisop romantically. if u do, u do u, and have fun, but again dont expect me to join u. thank u for coming to my ted talk, this took a lot longer than expected.

[cnnamonrolls]

HERES SOMETHING. PLEASEE STOP ASKING FOR HATE BC ITS GENUINELY A REALLY HORRIBLE THING AND IDKK BUT IT KINDA CONCERNS ME HOW YOURE SO READY TO BRAVE THE FUCKING FIRES OF HELL FOR NO REASON LIKE THIS ISNT SOME CLUB??? IM TERRIFIED OF THE DAY HATE ANONS FINALLY COME TO YOUR INBOX AND BE SERIOUS /nm just really scared for you

I'M JUST TIRED OF THE ANONS GOING TO ZURI SHES GOT SO MUCH ON HER PLATE ALREADY PLUS GETTING ANON HATE IS RLLY FUN BECAUSE YOU GET TO SEE OTHER PPL MAKE FUN OF U LIKE ITS NOT LIKE IM GONNA TAKE IT PERSONALLY I REALLY COULDNT CARE LESS ON WHAT THEY SAY IM JUST HERE FOR THE ENTERTAINMENT /nm

EVERYONES GETTING ANON HATE AND I JUST. i just want one lil message saying you're clingy or something like that or your posts suck or you don't deserve followers IDK I JUST .

and also i get to practice my comebacks because im really horrible at those

but yeah :DDD and i'm not trying to look brave or anything i just want one

[friendlylocalwhumper]

a long reply to a long anon criticism. deals with race, and oppression as written in whump fiction.

here are a series of asks sent to me about an hour ago, raising a concern/issue with my writing:

1/? dude. i was reading your recent story where emory (a young, gay, black man) was beaten by the cops and i finally had to say something. all your stories where he sits there and worries about how his white boyfriend is the target of police brutality bc of some form of oppression YOU (a presumably non-black person) got to make up?? those have rlly left a bad taste in my mouth, but the one where you actually torture your black character to show how bad the white one has it put me over the edge.

2/? these are real issues. ig i was able to ignore you using systematic brutality as “a fun prompt to write about!” when race wasnt rlly a factor in your stories, but as soon as emory got introduced it became more and more inappropriate of you to twist these ideas. “wouldnt it be sad if lux got beat up just for being a warlock 😔” yeah. and his bf is black, and hes in danger of that every day.

¾ as bad as just ignoring actual brutality was, having to read a story where a young, gay, black man was graphically beaten by police officers for YOUR pleasure, for FUN, when it wasn’t even his race that put him in that position (which isnt even ur place to write abt for torture porn but at least its addressing a real issue) but the fact that he was mistaken as the class you made up and chose to make oppressed?? that was wildly inappropriate.

4/4 this isnt hating on your writing or whatever, so dont call it that and pretend its anything other than informing u of what you can and cant speak about. a reminder of your lane. these arent your concepts to play with, stick to a singular whumper or whatever and cool it on the police brutality since u dont know how to handle it (presuming there even IS a way to handle this correctly as a whump device, which im not convinced there is)

bonus/4 pls dont do the white person thing of just ignoring those messages or going “no its not racist. i know bc i dont think it is/ i say its not.” like. im just genuinely letting you know it’s inappropriate, and you dont get to say “oh its not! i didnt mean for it to be so its not!” so i would appreciate it of you would take it into consideration or at least address it

my response:

there’s some context that i think you’re missing, in terms of how lux’s world came about. i’m gonna try to explain it without sounding like i’m trying to veer off-topic.

the world in which lux and emory live is a dystopia. is it a dystopia because i enjoy thinking about, writing, and daydreaming about systemic oppression? no. oppression isn’t a trope that i particularly enjoy; it’s not, like, something i’m into, you know? the only reason that i set it up like this, with brutal cops and propaganda and general public hatred of this class of people, is because i needed an excuse for lux to get hurt often. i wanted to write him getting beat up, didn’t matter if it was by friends or enemies or assassins or aliens. just as long as i had some kind of general excuse, a plausible reason for him to get hurt as often as i tend to write. so i made a fictional society where people get hurt a lot. lux happened to have magic, thanks to the original prompt that inspired his creation, so i figured he could get targeted for that. that’s why lux, a white boy, is targeted for having magic, and why magic users are oppressed in the universe i made up.

i know that these are real issues. i am white, as you guessed. inherently, i will never truly know what it is like to be oppressed as a black man. i understand why this raised alarm bells for you, and why you felt the need to tell me about your discomfort - to stop my writing of these characters in this universe.

but do i agree with your point that i can’t write oppression because i am white? no. just like i think it’s okay for anyone to write sensitive topics like abuse, torture, conditioning, murder, and assault if they are careful and respectful enough about it. race is a super precarious subject matter, as it should be, because there is a lot of real-life suffering and fear tied into it. i don’t get to decide what’s racist and what’s not.

but i am not fetishizing oppression - or, at least, what i am doing is no different from what other whump writers dealing in sensitive subject matters do. i am utilizing fiction, which will always parallel real life in some way, to create a story that i enjoy writing and reading. i want to hurt lux, so i created a world in which i could do that. i try to walk the tricky line of writing diverse characters without just throwing characters of color around as if it automatically makes my content less white and one-dimensional. i also try my best not to give emory lines about his race, or give him backstory related to being particularly oppressed or privileged, because i don’t feel comfortable putting such words in a black character’s mouth as a white writer.

now for my last point: whump isn’t torture porn. just judging by your automatic wariness and word choice, i’m guessing that you’re not a whump writer. writers in this community are extremely careful. we tag excessively, use content warnings, and do everything we can to help readers avoid content they don’t want to be exposed to. we all know that whump entails the writing of torture, abuse, humiliation, gore, and many other things that, in real life, are terrible to suffer. that’s… kind of what whump is. there’s a general understanding, here, that we’re going to write such heavy things, employing something sort of like suspended disbelief, i guess, to let ourselves enjoy whump without stressing about the real-life parallels to the fiction.

so that’s my response to your criticism.

anon, i don’t really appreciate the fact that your last ask was a transparent bid to get me to publish your messages, but. well. i wanted to do my best to answer instead of just leaving these asks in my inbox.

[judehayward]

lady gaga voice slowly fadin in: ju-Das juda-ah-ah… this depressed goblin bastard is honestly my fav male muse like i dnt typically stick w male muses tht long i struggle bt................. i’ve played him the longest of them all n always seem to return to him. jst cnt stay away. way 2 attached to this absurd little man. it’s nai btw!!!! (josefine on the main). launches right in to jude’s intro without further adieu..... (u can also find his playlist here) 🧙‍🎨

「douglas booth & cis-male」⇾ hayward , jude, the senior radcliffe student’s records show that he is a pisces and 23 years old. he is studying ART, living in moris and can be protective, laidback, nonsensical & apathetic. when i see him i am reminded of wearing a faded smiley face sticker on your forehead while receiving a serious lecture, saying “fuck off” to inanimate objects, lead marbles instead of eyes. ⇽「nai & 23 & gmt & she/her.」

he pinterest:

me in the voice of a card magician performing on the street: round up round up pick a pinterest any pinterest!

ta-da it’s aesthetics:

lead marbles instead of eyes, a stolen hearse careening down the wrong lane, wearing a faded smiley face sticker on your forehead while receiving a serious lecture, bags under the eyes that are so big they could pack enough clothes for a three week vacation, a cigarette wobbling from your bottom lip as you squint against the sunlight, passing out on a stranger’s rooftop, placing sunglasses over the eyes of a biology lab skeleton, gangling around the place like shaggy minus his scooby snacks, saying “fuck off” to inanimate objects

about tha Bitch:

born in sheffield in england, bt they went back and forth between there n san fran a lot

jude was an unhappy accident. his parents never rly used protection bc they were super Liberal n Au Naturel n believed in the pull out method bc… they were maniacs. bt then the ONE time they used a condom in an effort to b safety conscious it broke n hence…. jude was born

they just kind of ran w it bc they had such a passionate relationship tht they were like What The Hell…. may as well! itll be fine we’ll learn to be good parents n love him like normal ppl do

spoiler alert: tht didn’t work out

they were ok to him like they weren’t fully Bad bt they just found him to be a massive burden n hindrance to their plans. pretty absent n irresponsible. they literally….. had sex all day every day n acted like a pair of teenagers. it ws a super weird environment for a kid to grow up in bc he literally had no role models or… guidance or…. anything rly. occasionally they’d joke around w him or pretend they properly knew what grade he was going into but for the most part they just Didn’t Care the way parents shd. they lost his birth certificate n dnt remember what they put as his middle name so he’s jst kind of like hmmmm............. n gives himself a diff one every time ppl ask. past variations hv included: jude pauly hayward, jude maureen hayward, jude van winkle hayward. says all of these w a very straight face

despite this he does hv some nice memories w them. usually he definitely sees them fr holidays. frm being rly young their christmas tradition hs been to get a bunch of chinese food like a Banquet Feast n spend all day smoking n drinking into the early hours. perhaps not the healthiest or most responsible bt 😔 jude rly likes it it’s kind of the one time of yr he feels he has a proper family

they r both suuuuper into the arts. rly good sculptors bt they paint too n they actually own a successful gallery in sheffield n san fran

(trauma tw) as a result he grew up around a lot of creative n sometimes pretentious ppl. the friends of his parents were more present in his life than his ACTUAL parents bc they were always jetting off to diff countries to scout out new pieces fr their galleries n just have a gd time in beautiful places without…. the annoyance tht ws being responsible n looking after someone. tbh some of his parents friends were rly damaging too bt….i won’t go into that just yet. it doesn’t rly…need properly explaining bc jude never talks abt it anyway n it….is rather triggering so i’ll jst….leav it for now tbh. basically they just were Not Nice n jude had a lot of bad memories he keeps repressed bt he also??? has some gd ones..... it was a strange environment bt he’s a survivor

(death n grief tw) he hd to do community service bc he kind of… hd a bit of a breakdown before the funeral of his elderly neighbour who bsically raised him bc her kids rly didnt care abt her they jst wanted her inheritance?? so he… stole the hearse w her casket still in it n ws jst like… drivin around the place sort of… tryin nt to cry…..KJJFHSFKJGHKFG i mean. it isnt funny its actually sad bt :/ in a very bizarre n jude way. he gt caught n taken in fr questioning bt her son kind of realised hw… broken up abt her death jude ws n had a heart n didnt press charges. regardless he stil hd to do community service bc it ws like taken seriously even tho it ws his first proper offence. doin it rly exhausted n depressed him so when he wsnt doin tht he ws just hibernatin in his room……. this ws like 4 months ago nw............ just some fun lore fr u all

bc of how he ws raised he has a p cultured taste. he luvs classic lit n p much anything artsy. he can play piano 2 n sometimes gets rly high n thinks he’s mozart level gd at composing he’s jst going fking wild on the keys in a trance...... i mean he’s gd bt… chill

he’s rly sarcastic n so deadpan like he’ll say smthn completely ridiculous bt he’ll say it w his whole chest so sincere.... it’s rly hard to tell when he’s joking or serious honestly. has an overflowing secret sketchbook n if he cares abt someone he’ll probably secretly draw them. does NOT share these drawings w the person he hates being openly sentimental. at heart he is jst a very Sad Boy w lots of repressed issues like depression genuinely just does NAT giv him a single break bt he plasters over this w wise cracks n never discusses his emotions ever. he’s actually p decent or at least tries to b. he’s kind of like tht bit in superbad where michael cera gets rly drunk n makes a toast to women like tht energy...........

he has rly bad insomnia so he like never sleeps idk how he’s Alive straight up. please go to bed sir............. he always has rly sleepy eyes n rubs them tiredly mid conversation. he smokes a lot of weed to try n compensate fr this n make him tired bt he still struggles a lot

ANYWAY that aside he’s at radcliffe doing art, focusing on fine art like painting is............... the thing he luvs most...... his style is kind of.......... taking normal things n painting w surreal colours.... he likes A LOT of colour in his paintings which is kind of a stark contrast to his personality bc his world’s so.... washed out n grey............ lovs art n philosophy n literature n photography n music.... 

ummMMMMmm honestly idk i’m blankin on what else to say. ull find him smoking weed reading an american classic or gnawing at his thumbnail n getting charcoal smudges on all his clothes. wandering the streets in plaid pj bottoms n dr martens eating frm a cereal box without care in the world. he’s p broody n scruffy n he’s mostly here fr a laidback time....... doesn’t rly like when ppl take themselves too seriously........ likes strange ppl thinks the world is mde richer by them n likes when ppl can jst bounce back jokes at him without being like erm. u dont make sense mate. bc frankly he can come up w some strange stuff sometimes.............. talking to him cn b like navigating a dark n bendy road without a flashlight....... 

(drugs tw) once did shrooms n woke up naked in the woods curled up in a pile of leaves. to this day he recounts this as his werewolf transformation. hs no idea hw he ended up there n when ppl r like are u not. concerned jude. tht is so strange? he jst shrugs like.............. dunno....................... suppose i’m jst a werewolf upon occasion. so casual abt it. jst truly does Not care abt most things at all..... almost to the point tht it’s concerning (sometimes way past the point tht it’s concerning too :/)

this is the desc on an aesthetic i mde of his style once n sums it up well!! ‘additionally: too many pairs of trousers, a hideous amount of white t-shirts all somewhat stained with charcoal, a jumper so thinly knit it almost looks sheer, chipped teale nail varnish, a cream corduroy jacket with a cigarette hole singed onto the cuff, vintage wiry reading glasses he almost never wears, a freshly rolled cigarette behind his ear, a thrifted t-shirt with a warped bart simpson wearing a stethoscope with the caption ‘bard knwos cardiology’ and two crops hacked that way with kitchen scissors that he sometimes wears to paint.‘

EXPERT at rolling spliffs like jst. mkes them so precise n neat....... it’s his super power. his fav thing to smoke frm is banana flavour papers.................... linking 2 this he’s like. bad w emotions bt he does try..... once his friend (maggie) ws sad so he brought her a spliff wrapped in grape flavoured paper bc it’s her fav fruit n jst like. wordlessly gave it to her. it’s the thought tht counts.....

PLOTS!!!!!

plays bass in a band which cld b a fun connection to get together??? i picture the music being like surf rock type like........... mac demarco...... bt he also luvs elliott smith n glass animals n the cure n metronomy n neutral milk hotel n talking heads n radiohead n mazzy star n wolf alice...................... idk jst like.... within tht ballpark i suppose i imagine it being................

mayb ppl he shares classes w?????? i’d like someone tht does a similar course n they hang out tgether when it comes to trips fr the module to museums or exhibits or wtever................ they both stand in front of paintings analysing it rly wrong n saying stuff like hmmmmmmmmm....... i do declare i see a, uh..... large phallus protruding from the centre of this image...... moves something in me.......... n some elderly person looking at it besides them is like Ergh. sickened n disgraced. leaves w a brow severely furrowed

someone he smokes w on the moris rooftop late at night when he cnt sleep??? mayb they’re up n cnt sleep either fr whtever reason n it’s become an unspoken kind of ritual where they always clamber out n find each other there n jst wordlessly keep them company

jude is kind of like. protective almost to a fault sometimes........... mayb some guy he’s punched......................... if they hurt someone he cares abt........... typically it wld hv been a girl he ws kind of like. affected by his first relationship bc she had a bad home situation n ever since jst wnts..... to Protect it’s kind of like an automatic instinct ingrained in him nw 😔 all sounds very noble n well bt sometimes it cn b a bit of an escalation i wnt lie

perhaps a few hook-ups??? jude doesn’t tend to sleep w ppl he rly knows bc he just..... likes it to b an impersonal thing doesn’t like getting attached fr various reasons so mayb they only kno each other via this OR mayb he bent his rules a bit..... cld either work seamlessly or hv added drama if one side hs mre feelings or whtever

currently living in moris w 2 roommates bt i’d love some neighbours perhaps..... mayb someone tht lives directly nxt door to his room n is like ://// bc he plays music loud n weeds always drifting frm his window n mking their room smell if theirs is open too................. or mayb they get on..... mayb there’s a rly mean seagull tht lands on a branch n poos on pedestrians n they both commentate on it frm their windows like david attenborough...... they’re like he’s at it again. they’ve named him n everything

HONESTLY anything if u have an idea hmu i’d love 2 hear it.......... rubs my hands tgether in excitement to plot up a storm w u all