#this isn’t random i don’t want to get into the random that turns extremely morbid cause it is morbid

[lilgynt]

my dads dog who’s like. old as shit maybe a chihuahua? tiny to be clear loves to get in barking matches with the german shepherd next door that for said barking matches has to jump like 5-6 feet to see her over our walls he would literally eat you dumbass

[jcmorrigan]

Somehow, I can imagine Vinny, Al and Victor ""adopting"" Taylor so...👀

I’m just going to do this one off the top of my head and see what happens

-Taylor was accepted into RMU, but oh no! They don’t have enough money to cover the dorms. Their parents are just “It’s too bad you don’t have any friends in G4 to stay with″ and Taylor realizes...oh no...I have friends in G4.

-They didn’t want to admit how much they actually hoped Revenge House would accept them when they called. Taylor will tell anyone who asks that they called for the sole purpose of getting shot down and ruling this out.

-Vincent: “I see. Well - “ Albert: “YES” Victor: “I’ll fix up the guest bedroom” Vincent: “...I guess you’re staying with us then”

-There are a few house rules. Don’t go in the basement (there are cyborgs in there). Don’t roam the house after curfew (that’s when we let the cyborgs out). Don’t feed Winston (Taylor isn’t sure if this one is a joke or an actual warning).

-Otherwise they get a pretty nice bedroom, soft bed, quality blankets. Not soundproof and they can hear the screams and weird metallic noises from the rooms two floors down, but hey, they won’t complain.

-At first, the guys pretty much leave Taylor to their own devices. That’s the nice thing about them being a legal adult: they don’t actually have to be good or attentive parents

-Victor and Albert are the two who pay them the most attention. Victor actually carries on conversation like a normal person. Well, mostly. He still always kind of sounds like he’s gathering information to use for nefarious purposes, but Taylor’s used to that by now. Also being called “my dear Taylor” was offputting at first but now they see it’s a genuine term of affection.

-Albert is...an interesting guardian. He’s always approaching Taylor to talk about non sequiturs, usually morbid, and Taylor has gotten used to this and kind of enjoys it. “Speaking purely in hypotheticals, what do you think tastes better: the spleen or the lungs?” “Spleen. Why are you even asking me this? That one’s obvious.”

-But weirdly Albert is in exchange the one who actively cares the most for Taylor. He makes sure they’re stocked up on supplies, and by that I mean Taylor enters their designated bathroom to find no fewer than twenty toothbrushes, all different colors, bound with a ribbon and a note that says “Pick your favorite! ~AK”

-Also instead of taking them shopping for new college wardrobe, Taylor is awoken at 6 a.m. by a phone call from Albert. “I’m at Hot Topic and they have an assortment of androgynous leather accessories. What’s your size?”

-Vincent and Taylor don’t interact much, at first. But they develop a relationship based on their lack of relationship. They both enjoy the value of comfortable silence. They can be in the same room doing separate things and know they don’t have to bother with greeting one another outside of a quick nod or 0.2 seconds of eye contact.

-Right away, though, they all make it clear that Taylor gets free food. The trio does their usual routine of making extremely high-quality luxury food and just lets Taylor chill out doing nothing until the dinner bell rings. The catch is that some of these things, they weren’t sure were food before this, but hey, turns out they don’t hate sashimi.

-Classes start. Every day when Taylor gets home and brings their books and assignments of the day to the dining room to study, Albert and Victor flock around them. Albert: “How was school? Did you make any lasting memories? Do you have an ARCHNEMESIS yet?” Victor: “Does Professor Browne still have a stick up his ass, metaphorically speaking? Has anyone of your preferred gender asked you out yet?”

-Until dinner time, the dining room is Taylor’s study sanctuary.

-They know better than to bring friends home, however. Not a single college pal who’s entered Revenge House has left with at all a good feeling. Some of them have considered calling the cops because there’s no way these people aren’t going to murder Taylor in the dead of night (sillies...Taylor’s the one person they WON’T murder in the dead of night)

-And as for dates? Unfortunately, the few times Taylor has been asked out, they’ll keep it secret and arrange a meetup at a neutral location and show up at the restaurant only to, halfway through the date, realize that they can spot distinct flashes of pink, red, and black positioned around the restaurant like the Bermuda Triangle and greeeaaat, their guardians followed them to spy on the date.

-Which isn’t always bad because one time somebody actually tried to take advantage of Taylor in the alley out back of the restaurant and before any articles of clothing could be forcibly removed, the offender practically explodes from the impact of being shot by Victor, punched by Vincent, and stabbed by Albert at the same time (the bullet almost clipped Albert but it was worth it)

-Taylor’s never sure how to introduce these people. Parents? Guardians? Friends? Roommates? Usually, it ends up something like “This is my...this is...this is Vincent. He’s Vincent. That’s it.”

-They go out as a “family” unit sometimes, usually to dinner or something where they can all just have conversation. There’s usually going to be some rando who walks past the guys and goes “Your daughter is adorable!” and Albert pulls out a rather long and wicked knife while saying “Their preferred pronouns are they/them, and I HIGHLY suggest you respect that.” Victor and Vincent glare on in the background.

-Taylor is torn because they like having guardians who respect their gender identity but also some of these people are just making honest mistakes

-Victor: “I just want to warn you that when you engage with other college students, you may be pressured to try smoking, drinking, and other narcotics. In a strange environment, any of these may be laced with poison or spiked with different drugs. Here in Vincent’s mansion, our stashes are always pure, so if there’s anything you want, just ask us and we will get you a safe supply.” (Though “safe cigarettes” and “safe hard liquor” are oxymorons to a 19 y/o but Victor is trying. Taylor doesn’t even want any of those things)

-Sometimes, though........Taylor has to be the parent figure to these three

-They might end up trying to drink away their sorrows, falling asleep in a vomit-covered living room. Taylor will clean up any obvious mess and get them some pillows.

-Taylor: “So, did you ever want to...talk to me any more about the childhood stuff that was bothering you?” Albert: “...Yes”

-One night, though, they make a big breakthrough. They find evidence for the Myers revenge scheme and confront Vincent with it.

-Vincent tells them everything. Not without getting a little emotional.

-Taylor’s just like “Oh.”

-Somehow this turns into a hug.

-The guys FORBID Taylor from getting directly involved with Myers. That said...they do act a consultation role sometimes.

-Eventually they meet some of the basement cyborgs. Also they’ve gotten pretty friendly with the Dream Eaters. If all the guys are out of the house and Winston is doing his usual hermit thing, Taylor will be “babysat” by a group of awkward yet well-meaning monsters. (The Dream Eaters have been instructed to keep the cyborgs from eating Taylor, though, and they’ve had to actually step in several times. The Dream Eaters also like the taste of human flesh but Albert said this one is NOT FOOD so they respect that.)

-Those days when the guys come home dragging a corpse/an unconscious person, and Taylor catches them, and the guys stare at them like deer in headlights until they say “I never saw this. Carry on.”

-At some point, though, Taylor decides they want a little more, so they suggest “Do you guys wanna go to the mall and catch a movie?”

-Cue a mall trip that involves Vincent criticizing all the secondhand clothing, Victor flirting with the cashiers at every boutique, and nobody knows exactly what Albert is up to but there’s blood leaking from the dressing room so let’s not ask.

-They go to see a fall blockbuster that Taylor really enjoys and the three guys are having varying degrees of enjoyment toward. If it’s got deep themes, Vincent will be happy. If it’s got romance, Victor will be happy. If it’s horror, Albert will be happy. If it’s a superhero film, NOBODY BUT TAYLOR IS HAPPY (so they kind of like taking the guys to Marvel stuff to annoy them on purpose)

-They talk the guys into accompanying them on other Taylor-style adventures. Like bowling. Bowling was either the best or the worst idea they had, because it turned into a four-person DEATH MATCH. (Figuratively, this time. Maybe literally next time.)

-Vincent draws a HARD LINE IN THE SAND at pizza, though. He will not even look at a pizza, let alone eat one or enter a pizza establishment.

-After some months, Taylor and Vincent are conversing more, but it’s usually Taylor asking questions about how the legal system works because Vincent can explain it better than anyone else and in a way that doesn’t fly over Taylor’s head.

-Sometimes, though...Taylor gets sick. The first time, they didn’t actually expect any of the guys to do anything about it. But Vincent drops off hot meals without a word and leaves, and rude as he is, the food’s always DELICIOUS and particular faves of Taylor’s. Victor is the “Text me if you need anything, sweetie” guy who will drop everything if Taylor needs an ice pack or a barf bin. Albert will sit in the room at a safe distance to talk to Taylor about random things and make sure they don’t get lonely. Also, Taylor will have weirdly no nightmares whatsoever, and they know Albert has something to do with this.

-Sometimes...Taylor is sad. All three of the guys will sit around them, encouraging them to talk about everything that’s bothersome. Brief hugs will be exchanged (Victor’s are a bit too tight since, y’know, metal arms, but that’s fine by Taylor). And then if there was a particular entity that caused the sadness, well, that entity might end up dead in a pool of blood in a back alley later.

-There’s also a contract on the table stating that if Taylor is ever incarcerated, then Vincent, Victor, and Albert will break them out of jail at the earliest convenience. Taylor isn’t sure when this will ever have to be used but they’re glad it’s there.

-They make an even more amazing meal than usual for Taylor’s birthday and spend way, WAY too much on gifts. Some of which aren’t even things Taylor wanted (”It’s...a baseball bat with barbed wire around it. Uh...just what I always wanted? Thanks, Albert.”)

[smutty-ki113r]

Greetings and salutations, hope I don’t bother you to much. May I please have a romantic matchup for creepypasta? You can do some nsfw stuff too if you’d like, no pressure though. My pronouns are They/Them and I’m bisexual with a preference to masculinity. My Myers Briggs type is INFJ and Enneagram type is 4. My star sign is Taurus, moon sign is Gemini. Im about 4’11..not to happy about it. I’m rather introverted, and can be considered not a people person. Because of me dressing in all black and taking a liking to gruesome and morbid things like slashers and murder documentaries. I also like to visit abandoned hospitals and houses just for fun, along with playing quite a few escape rooms. A friend of mine even likes to call me "discount vomitboyx". I’ve also been called "doomer boy kinnie" before. I also can come off a little bipolar. I’ve come to the conclusion I just scare people off. In reality, I’m intimidated by everyone around me and find it hard to start conversing, which may or may not come off as rude to people. When I finally become comfortable with someone I start to become really sarcastic and joke around with them with witty banter. Most of my humor comes off really insulting, but I’ll apologize and say it’s a joke if it becomes a problem. Lots of people don’t like me or stay away from me because of my rude behavior. I’m not good with overly sensitive or overly annoying people at all because of that, and I can’t stand kids. I’m a huge animal person though. I have my moments where I can get really feisty, or very quiet and closed off. I’m the type of person that has lots of opinions on things but I keep them to myself and bottle them up. If pushed far enough I’ll become unforgiving, and aggressive. Especially with the types mentioned above. I find the most comfort in just being in my room drawing, reading and or listening to music ( My Chemical Romance, Arch Enemy, MurderDolls, Mindless Self Indulgence, Get Scared, sometimes Will Wood, Lemon Demon or Mother Mother, etc. ), or even occasionally gaming on my switch or read and talk about Greek mythology. I’m a plushie maniac and when I fall asleep you can always see me cuddled up to one of them. I find it because I’m really touch starved. I’m guilty of being very submissive, and the slightest touch can fluster me like crazy. Especially around my sensitive areas ( neck, thighs, hips, crotch, and hair.). Call me a masochist, but rough love has always been a fantasy of mine. I suffer from asperger syndrome, depression and anxiety. I have small tics, but they only flare when I’m stressed or mad. I’ve also been developing a eating disorder. Random fact, I wear chokers a lot, so my family sometimes barks at me like a dog. It’s annoying as fuck. If you do get to this, thanks for your time. - coii

I match you with…..💕JEFF💕

Slight NSFW bellow~

You sort of sound like a less intense Jeff, but that also means you would be able to understand him because you share similar behaviors. Plus it looks like you like some things he likes so I’m gonna give it to you. ALSO WAS THAT A HEATHERS REFERENCE? BECAUSE IM GONNA WRITE A JEFF FIC BASED ON DEAD GIRL WALKING.

I think Jeff is a hypocrite but dosen’t realize it. He would probably call you emo or something and then fail to acknowledge himself. (This is purely satire). If he sat down and watched slasher films he would say such: “I could do it better” or “wanna recreate this? I could show you how”. Jeff isn’t one to be afraid of others but he most definitely scares them off, he’d probably stick by your side and make it so that you guys are a really intimidating couple.

Congrats! Jeff’s humor also comes off as super insulting, but I’m sure you will learn it’s just a joke and start using insulting- as flirting. Jeff is a dog guy, cause of Smile obviously, so you’re good on the animal person front. Bottling up emotions and then turning aggressive, sounds just like him. If you did break past your limit though I feel like it would be in an argument with him and you would both just end up sobbing to eachother, a bit sentimental and a bonding moment. Side note, Jeff likes that music too.

Touch starved you say? You know who else is touch starved? Jeff. Hug him please, once you do he won’t let go. If you fall asleep in his arms he will definitely run his fingers through your hair and if you wake up he’ll claim there was a bug on your face. He will explore all the abandoned places you want, or if you’re alone he will scare you. He’s that kind of guy.

ROUGH LOVE, yeah that’s Jeff. Will for sure fuck you good and hard so you can’t walk after, loves to see your legs shake. He will wear a cocky grin so make sure to slap him to get it off. If you want him to hurt you he will gladly do so-physically- I don’t think he wants to see you cry. Ties you up and all that jazz too, slapping and choking like a master.

This is just my note to you, eating disorders are hell. I know it feels like amazing 3/10 % of the time but (wait thats wrong, i can’t math im gay.) but anyway, the early stages are when you have to act. I encourage you to seek treatment of some sort, I know it can be overwhelming and the guilt is just unbearable, especially as time goes on. Dosen’t matter what you look like and what kind of ed it is, they are all bad and can be extremely dangerous. I would know, I almost died. But also, I know you’re just trying to find a balance but sometimes that can be hard. I’m proud of you because I know deep down you just want to feel ok.

(Btw, for educational purposes: Bipolar disorder /there are 2 types/ isn’t “crazy”, it’s categorized by a series of manic phases switching to depressive phases for weeks up to months. It’s also manic depression, having no motivation and such and then feeling like you can do anything and there will be no consequence)

[spooky-draws-stuff]

Relatively Insanity

Genere:

Tragic Comedy and satire

Step 1:Write this

Step 2: You cry

Step 3:People hate me

Step 4:This is extremely cursed & blessed

Act 1, Scene 1

(Interior)

Enter Jbm, who knocks on Chase's door.

"Chase! Come on out, we're all celebrating! Celebrate the survival!"

Chase opens the door. He is covered in cheeto dust, his hair is a mess. He has been  drinking. Alot.

Chase:I know just let me find my pineapple....

Chase pulls out a pineapple from his pocket. It is very large.

Jbm looks at him, in distraught.

Chase looks at Jbm awkwardly.

Chase:I'm so sorry...

Chase proceeds to put a pair of sunglasses on himself and the pineapple.

(these people have degrating sanity)

Jbm is confused.

Jbm:Why are you bringing a pineapple to the party? How drunk are you?

Chase:I am not as think as you drunk I am. The party was in Hawaii?

Jbm shakes his head, and pulls chase aside.

Act 1, Scene 2

Jay(Jameson) and Schneep are talking in the living room drinking champagne and beer. Marvin and robbie are missing from the party.

Jay:and then he said to me "Shut up or I'll break you, and then I replied with "You already broke my leg!"

Schneep:I remember like it was yesterday...

Schneep shudders in fear, he suffers from ptsd.

Schneep:I begged for water, and he shoved my head into a bucket full of it.

Schneep and Jay laugh and then hug eachother, sobbing.

Jay:When I looked at the strings, I asked him what it was for..And you know what he said to me?"

Continue Jay's sobbing, he wipes tears from his eyes And stops crying

Schneep lets go of him and speaks angrily.

Schneep :"What did he say to you?!"

Jay, weeping:It's a surprise tool that will help us later!

The duo begin howling with laughter, praying to make their suffering end. They use morbid humor to cope.

Enter JBM & CHASE into the living room scene.

Chase:You know, once I let him in control, it wasn't so bad.

Jbm turns to chase, looking disgusted.

Jbm:Lucky, I can't even remember what he did to me!

Chase:Yeah but even though he strung you up and suspended you from the ceiling, I restored to becoming an 8 year old child

Jbm, who whispers to chase:I hear a rumor that schneep is inventing a device to make us forget about all the bad stuff we've gone through

Chase gasps dramatically in surprise.

"really?" he whispers back, excitedly.

Act 1, scene 3

Enter Marvin, who runs across the stage. (The stage lights follow him)

Marvin's green cloak flows behind him.

"Hahaha! It is I, foul mortals!" Marvin's hands glow green with magic, he has red strings attached to his neck and wrists.

Enter Anti, who's on stage behind him.

"Ye thought I be gone, but I been here this entire time, keeping my eye on things." he speaks with a thick irish accent.

Schneep gasps, and chase pulls out his glock.

Chase:I won't hesitate, bitch.

Schneep leaves the stage, exiting to the LEFT.

Anti steps foward and holds up a large knife. "Know thy  fookin' place, Trash."

Chase fires his glock, but Anti dodges, laughing.

"Ye found someone new, threw me aside eh? Someone to be replacing me? I don't think you're to be going anywhere..."

Marvin attempts to channel magic, but fails. He pins chase to the wall.

Marvin:I know your card

Chase screams and struggles to get Marvin off.

"NOT MY CARD!" he bellows.

Enter JBM who starts punching random objects around him. "FEAR NOT, I'M HERE!" He uppercuts Marvin.

Marvin yells. "OOF!" and he falls

Marvin pretends to be unconscious.

Anti laughs, the spot light under him turns red. The siren from dark silence wails. Anti smiles.

Act 1, Scene 4

Schneep is scattering papers everywhere.

"Nein nein."

He makes angry dad noises and keeps messing with his computer.

He discovers the device he needs, and holds it in his hands. "Someone has to remember." he mutters, taking a swig from his flask.

Enter Marvin, running on stage.

"Doc! doc hurry! I was only pretending to be evil!"

Schneep nods.

"My time has come."

Schneep and Marvin high five.

Act 1, Scene 5 (END)

All stage lights dim.

Cue the ambience.

All the egos lie down, fallen under Anti's wrath. Anti is pissed and has dropped the over-top accent. He isn't fooling around.

Henrick races to the stage, holding the memory suppressor tool. He turns to Anti who hovers above. The fog machines turn on.

Schneep:"Surely you won't leave them like this?"

Anti growls. "They are all mine, and so will you."

Schneep sighs, and fires the memory suppressor tool at the fallen egos.

Anti:It feels good doesn't it? Knowing the kind of person you are. Knowing what you did.

Schneep:We just want to recover from what you've done to us.

Anti:I will haunt you all. Very well then, by the power invested in me, I invoke the power  I may return."

The undertale meme shop music plays and it is bass boosted.

Anti T-poses, his eyes glowing. He flies away with omnoius laughter, his body flailing across the stage.

The audience (You) Clap and cheer.

If this isn't funny to you then I Have failed you.

@n-anon

[ambersky0319]

Idea: Intrulogical fusion, completely in sync despite being a fusion of Remus and Logan. But Virgil and Patton didn't like it. Virgil because, It's Remus. He shouldn't be with a lightside. Patton because it makes him feel like he failed Logan, after all, hes eith Remus. So they force them apart. But, their roles are switched. Logan looks like King George III, but he has shackles & broken crown. Remus looks like your stereotypical mad scientist. They have no memory of who they once were. -Rayne

I had a lot of fun with this- also I decided to draw Macabre! It also ended up being longer than I intended. I hope y’all enjoy this!

Pairings : Intrulogical, Background Roceit

Warnings : Unsympathetic Patton, Morally gray but also pretty Unsympathetic Virgil (I mean, he feels somewhat regretful of what he does at the end-), Fusion, blood and pain mentions, if I need to add anything else please let me know!

Masterpost 

—————————–

It started off as something small- an idea that Remus had, which Logan was more than happy to try. They were just figments of imagination, after all, it’s not like it was an impossibility. And it took a lot longer than either side believed it should have taken, but they got there.

Logan and Remus fused.

When they first fused, they cried. Tears streamed down their cheeks as they hugged themselves because it just felt so incredible, so loving. They hadn’t even looked in a mirror yet, but it felt right, being together like this. They fell to the ground just hugging themselves, rocking back and forth. He wasn’t them, though, and both Logan and Remus knew that. They could feel that. And when he looked in the mirror, that’s when they fell apart.

Logan and Remus were choking back tears of their own as they held one another, crumpled on the floor of Logan’s room. Remus buried his face into Logan’s neck, grinning wide as he laughed almost hysterically.

“I can’t believe that worked!”

“I can’t believe how that felt.”

The silence stretched on for a moment as they collected themselves until Remus broke it, pulling away from Logan slightly. “I want to do it again.” He said, reaching up to play with Logan’s hair. “Can we do it again, Lolo?”

Logan smiled the softest Remus had ever seen him smile, and he nodded. “Yes, whoever that was, it felt great. I would do it a hundred times or more.”

Remus giggled before leaning in, pressing a gentle kiss to Logan’s lips before they fused once again.

And so, Morbidity was created.

Morbidity stayed hidden for a long while, and Remus and Logan felt strange each time they unfused. They felt lonely, more so than they had before fusing. Remus had correlated it to how Ruby felt when she and Sapphire unfused and Ruby had gone on that adventure. And Logan couldn’t agree more. Being Morbidity was intoxicating, because when he formed, neither felt lonely or unloved anymore. And Morbidity felt more love than when Logan and Remus spent time together unfused.

Morbidity just felt right.

Morbidity didn’t want to unfuse anymore. Logan and Remus didn’t want to be apart, not when they were constantly torn down and ignored. So they stopped unfusing, and Morbidity stayed in his room. His own room! He had been shocked when it had formed but felt overjoyed nonetheless. Because it meant he was a part of Thomas, a true part of him! But with the new room, that meant that the others would start to notice. And they did.

Macabre, the name Morbidity found he liked most when brainstorming, was peacefully watching a documentary about some of the worst crimes ever committed to date. He was fascinated with how the killers had gotten away with it for so long, and how all the evidence from the buckets of blood that had needed cleaning up to the finest of hairs left behind all played a roll in solving the cases. He was writing a novel, a murder mystery, and wanted it to be as exciting and puzzling as possible. So research was needed.

That’s when his door was opened, no one knocking as it slammed against the wall. Macabre flinched at the sound, finally looking away from his television and notebook littered with notes and random, horrific doodles.

Standing there was Roman, stunned when he saw Macabre, dual-colored eyes staring into his green ones. “Um…”

Then Patton peered over his shoulder, confusion flashing across his face. “A new side?”

Macabre laughed, and it sounded like glass shattering. “Not a new side, Patty-cake. Merely an experiment gone extremely well!” Macabre stood, stretching and hearing his bones pop and feeling the pins and needles in his feet creeping up his legs. How long had it been since he last got up? He made a mental note to set a timer so that his limbs wouldn’t fall asleep like this again.

“…. Experiment?”

“Who are you?”

“What are you?”

Macabre frowned only slightly, fixing his glasses. “I’m Morbidity! I would say it’s great to finally introduce myself, but I believe your facial expressions aren’t the proper reactions one would want.

"And I was an experiment. Not one any longer, though! Remus and Logan sure enjoyed doing them. Maybe I should try it out too!”

“You’re behind Logan disappearing?!” Virgil’s voice raised a few octaves as he started on at the fusion. Macabre crossed his arms, now frowning completely.

“I’m not behind anything. And Logan didn’t disappear. Not completely.”

“What does that even mean?”

It seemed Roman knew the answer to Patton’s question, though, because he broke from his daze to answer. “Correct me if I’m wrong, Morbidity, but you’re a fusion.”

Macabre smiled. “Right you are, Roman! Oh, I knew you would remember. Remus didn’t think you would, but I knew you would.” He clapped his hands together, once.

“What’s he talking about Roman?” Virgil asked.

Roman only briefly looked at Virgil, offering a small, half-hearted shrug. “Remus brought up the idea one time that maybe sides could fuse. I just brushed it off, but it was definitely one of his good ideas.” He turned back to Macabre. “So… You’re a fusion of Remus and Logan?”

“Morbid Creativity and Logic sure go quite well together, don’t you think? Both always ignored, finding that they are the outcasts of their supposed families, and finding love in one another. It really shouldn’t be a surprise that they got along so well.”

“Wait wait wait, Logan fused with… With Remus?” Patton looked absolutely horrified.

“Well, they were dating for a year before they made me. But yes.”

“They were together?!”

“It really isn’t hard to believe, Patton.” Macabre glanced at his nails, painted as though they were dipped into blood. “Now, unless you three are interested in watching this documentary with me, can I get back to work?”

“We still have-”

“What are you working on?” Roman cut off Virgil, approaching Macabre. He shot Virgil and Patton a slight glare when they tried to protest. Because he could feel the anger and frustration, and even the panic radiating off the pair. “If you two even think of pushing Morbidity to talk, by the way, I’ll let Thomas know why I actually chose to go to the wedding.”

That sent the pair off, and Roman sat down with Macabre, the door closing. If this is what Remus and Logan wanted, to be together like this, then Roman would support it. He wasn’t in any place to judge though, considering just this morning he and Deceit had attempted to do the same.

It suddenly became very different around the Mind Palace, what with Macabre (or Copypasta’ as Roman and Deceit had taken to calling him after seeing Macabre’s love of creepypasta) having introduced himself to Thomas not long after the others had ventured into his room.

Thomas didn’t really mind Macabre, while he sometimes felt uncomfortable by the insane amount of violent knowledge he had, knowing about certain chemicals and their reactions to drinks was definitely helpful when attending bars. Especially when his drink shifted in color just slightly, and Thomas knew not to drink, because Macabre had remembered a case where someone had drugged their date. And Macabre got along with Deceit and Roman just fine(though the two still hadn’t come out yet).

Patton and Virgil, though? They were furious. They were absolutely livid that Logan would even agree to ever fuse with Remus. Logan deserved better than Remus, in their eyes.

They fueled one another, Virgil and Patton. They fueled the negative thoughts towards Macabre. He shouldn’t exist. He should have never existed in the first place. Logan was too good for Remus. What could Remus possibly offer that Logan would want, anyway, that Logan didn’t already have? The others had been working on showing their appreciation of Logan. Virgil and Patton had worked on not cutting him off, and Virgil had tried listening to him a bit more. Patton had stopped laughing at a few jokes Roman made about Logan.

And then there was Remus. The imbalance of negative and positive ideas was weird. Because Macabre wasn’t intrusive, not to the extent Remus had been. Now, Remus’s gruesome ideas were rationalized or internalized, suppressed in Macabre until he could jot down the idea and either write or draw the thought. Everything just felt wrong.

So they devised a plan, about three weeks after Macabre had been found by them.

Virgil had been horrified by Patton’s idea at first, listening reluctantly as Patton explained to him how to split a side. Because even if Virgil hated Macabre being together, and didn’t like Remus, he still remembered what the split had done to the twins. And he worried how that would affect Remus, going through another split. But Patton persuaded him, claiming that if all the facts that Thomas knew were tainted, were bad, then Thomas was a bad person. And Thomas couldn’t be a bad person, he just couldn’t. So Virgil agreed.

He doesn’t remember it much, though. He purposely forgot Macabre’s scream as he was quite literally torn apart. Virgil blocked the image of Macabre’s agonized face from his mind, keeping it a blurred memory that could have been a dream. He felt sick at the thought that he did it, but the idea that Logan would come back was enough to keep him from stopping.

Patton though was completely unfazed.

However, they didn’t get the outcome they had wanted.

Remus and Logan had indeed been split, that much was clear. But they weren’t Remus and Logan, not the ones that Patton and Virgil wanted.

They were pushed out of the way by Roman and Deceit, who had finally broken into the room that Virgil and Patton had sealed off. It looked so incredibly wrong, and to say Deceit and Roman were angry would be an understatement. They were bursting with rage as Logan and Remus finally stopped whimpering, the pain no longer overwhelming them. They cradled the two sides, all the while having a shouting match with Patton, Virgil making no attempt to defend his actions.

Roman held his brother tightly, though Remus only blinked at him in confusion, and once Deceit and Roman had stopped arguing with Virgil and Patton, they had turned their attention to the two sides, taking them in. The guilty pair sunk out to their own rooms, leaving Roman and Deceit with the new Logan and Remus.

Though they didn’t even know Logan and Remus were their names.

—————————–

Taglists

Just ask if you wish to be added, removed, or tagged/not tagged in certain content!

TS Taglist

@treasureofpriam @theloveliestsweetspongy @tacochippy @anderswrites @romanknite @0beansprout0 @random-fandom-dragon @daflangstlairde @princerhubarb @that-one-ts-artist @heyitsmeimjustkindahere @aromanticandaromatic @deliciouslycrookedme @batpinkstudentpersona @avocados26 @fandomloverangel @red-eyes88 @adarkgreensoul @analogicallythinking @thatreallyawkwardpotato @insanegoldie2 @gothams-lil-sweet-potato-pie @alexkittycat1 @len-art-trash @faithyfander @an-absolute-failure @lexilucacia @o-hello-its-me @fearthesmolpotato @moxiety-my-love @thatonenerdphotographer @diadems-arewornon-capita @morrogirl9024 @thefandomnerd15 @sulphur-and-honey @aroaceagenderfluid @yalltookmyurlideas @sidesareathing @surohsopsisofclouds @dissappropriation @demigodbookdragon @too-many-fandoms89 @a-soul-among-the-stars @croftersgamer @thenaiads @theyluna-womoon  

Intrulogical Taglist

@cress-the-fander @worm-does-shit @enby-ralsei @jadedmidnight @virgilisacinnamonroll @ohgeneralmygeneral @asthmatic-trash-bastard @remusownsmyuwus @alexinthebathroomataparty  @diadems-arewornon-capita @the-bethanista @yalltookmyurlideas @demigodbookdragon @theunknoen @theyluna-womoon  

[spideychelleee]

MJ FFH Analysis

I LOVE that they stayed true to MJ’s character in FFH but still allowed her to have a bit more depth. Get comfy, this is long. It gets really deep towards the end oof. Welcome to my part rant part analysis of Peter and MJ in FFH:

First of all, can I just say that MJ is represented so well. I’m so glad that she is still wearing casual clothing and little makeup and lets her curls run wild. I have naturally curly hair but always straighten it cuz i feel like i look crazy with it curly but after seeing MJ, Im starting to realize that I should just rock what I got. And I feel like her portrayal has this effect on every teen and adult that watches her on the big screen. She inspires everyone to just BE YOURSELF. Ugh yessssssss

Ok now onto the scenes. Almost immediately, we hear our very own Spider-Parker has got a 6 STEP PLAN to impress MJ. This man is crushing. Hard. Many people were disappointed that this sudden liking for MJ came “out of nowhere” but, as countless other blogs have mentioned, relationships CAN develop off screen. Especially friendships. Wow who knew. Peter and Ned were friends right when Hoco began and no one had a problem with buying their friendship. The period after Hoco when MJ becomes team captain to Infinity War is long enough for these two to become actual friends and for Peter to realize how awesome she is. And let’s not forget that it’s been 8 months since the Blip (ew) happened. The Blip 100% brought everybody closer, whether they liked it or not. And the fact that Peter knows MJ’s favorite flower and the reasoning behind said favorite flower hints that they have been getting closer.

The airplane scene yesss: Our girl MJ is not afraid to stand up for Peter when Flash makes fun of him. And omg the way his face lights up after she does that. I think that interaction with Flash was a great way to show the antis that MJ is not mean spirited like Flash can be. Yes, she is sarcastic, blunt, and a little morbid (she clearly likes crime investigation guys), but she is not rude. She isn’t afraid to stand up for the “little guy” (in this case Peter hahaha irony). Also in this scene we get one of our first peaks at awkward Peter and MJ when he slams the bathroom door in her face HA. Their wide eyed expressions say it all. And the fact that MJ puts her ear to the door to hear wtf he is doing is just a continuation of how observant she likes to be. Oof I love this whole scene. and if a boy ever cleaned the bathroom for me i would marry him

THE BO (boh?) SCENE. This is our first glimpse of excited MJ and I love it. She is more than just rbf and sarcastic MJ. She has normal human emotions that she seems comfortable to let show only around...drum roll...Peter!!! I’m not sure if she went looking for him or just saw him outside of the store she was in but either way she excitedly ran over just to tell him about a new word she learned and what she had been doing. Let’s note that both of these characters are clearly fine doing something alone, yes including Peter. The rest of the class went their separate ways in groups while Peter went to buy the necklace by himself and MJ went to learn about Italy by herself. But, if they were to hang around anyone, they would rather it be each other. So now they are alone together (wow look at that beautiful oxymoron). MJ comes out of literally nowhere with a skip in her step. You can clearly see how excited she is to just talk to Peter about her new favorite word. She’s finally opening up around him. But MJ is still is her normal sarcastic self when she shuts down that guy with the roses implying that they looked like a couple (cuz they do). AND this woman has the NERVE to say “bo” is her new superpower to someone with actual superpowers. She knew what she was saying and it was purely intentional cuz she loves messing with Peter. And of course MJ noticed Peter was holding a bag and asked about it. Observant, remember? His response was perfect. MJ appreciated Peter’s smarta** response because it meant he was paying attention to her and it was exactly what she would have said. These two enjoy being around each other and can bounce off the other easily when their feelings don’t make things awkward.

That small scene in the hotel where Peter mentions going to Paris tomorrow is *chef’s kiss*. He is testing the waters just like she was in Hoco when she was trying to make friends. But this time, Peter is trying to see if his plan is going to hold up and if she is remotely interested in Paris at all. Her response is pure MJ. And naturally, Peter is a little taken aback by her random, dark fact about the Eiffel Tower but she follows with it being her favorite destination on the whole trip. She would normally stop at the morbid fact with anyone else, but with Peter she offers a little more insight to how she’s feeling. 

Brace yourselves #1: THE OPERA SCENE. Let’s establish that MJ really gives zero effs about Brad. This dude really trying to tell her he’ll save her a seat HA. Good one Brad. You can feel how uncomfortable she was the minute he said that. And that’s when our hero Peter Parker swoops in cuz he can’t let this happen. This boy summons all the courage in the entire world to tell MJ she looks “really pretty”. And once again, her response is pure MJ. I feel like she has trouble interacting with people she likes because she just doesn’t know how to. But she saves Peter from wanting the ground to swallow him whole when she summons the courage to say “you look pretty too”. AHHHHH. This is the first time we have heard MJ compliment anyone. Like I said before, with anyone else *cough* Brad *cough*, MJ would have stopped at the “therefore I have value” line. HOWEVER, with Peter, she is continuously opening up little by little. And she takes matters into her own hands by cleverly asking Peter if he wants to sit next to her. And yet again the audience sees another first timer for MJ. She is nervous. We NEVER have seen her nervous. She is usually calm, cool, and collected. But not with Peter. I can’t reiterate this enough. She’s finally breaking down her walls and for no one else but Pete. AND she finally decides to run after him when she catches him leaving. She knows he wouldn’t ditch her for no reason. She’s got a hunch that he’s hiding something or that something is wrong and she wants to find out and maybe help.

Brace yourselves #2: we are going into the bridge date walk thing these two dorks managed to accomplish. At the hotel, MJ immediately asks Peter where he was. No one else asked him that. Not even Mr. Harrington, which would be his job lol. She also says “we missed you” and “glad you’re back” and gives a weak smile. We all know really she meant “I missed you”. You ain’t that slick girl. And Peter’s excuses are just getting worse and worse. “I got lost” jeez come on man what was that. She 100% (or 67%) knows he’s lying to her. ANYWHO, Peter and MJ clearly both want to hang out because she opens the door the minute he was about to knock. She spares his rambling with a definitive “yes” cuz she is eager to go on a date walk with this dork. And Peter is freaking out cuz omg she wants to meet in 5 minutes instead of 10. That line alone shows MJ’s eagerness and how she will take matters into her own hands if need be. And the entire walk out of the hotel these two COULD NOT STOP SMILING. This is just another example of how giddy MJ gets around Peter.

Ok actual bridge scene: Once more, we see MJ in a particularly vulnerable state. She’s trying to find something to talk about and nervously tells Peter yet another morbid fact about the Charles Bridge. AND AGAIN, SHE DOES SOMETHING SHE HAS NEVER DONE BEFORE. She apologizes. MJ is so nervous that she said the completely wrong thing and made things weird that she says “sorry”. She is so goddamn vulnerable around Peter it’s not even funny. And she was so excited to tell Peter that she knows he’s Spiderman that she cuts him off from his feelings confession HA. And of course Peter is shooketh. Because all this girl does to Peter is make him shooketh and catch him off guard, and visa versa. But MJ won’t hear his lame excuses anymore cuz she’s got the receipts. Our girl has actual evidence that ended up cracking the whole omg Mysterio is a fraud situation. AND UGH, when Peter asks if she was only watching him because she thought he was Spidey. And she LIES. MJ is “obsessed with telling the truth” and yet she goes against her character and lies to cover up the fact that she likes Peter because she is afraid of telling him how she really feels because what if he doesn’t like her back. Which is normal. MJ is not used to what she’s feeling around Peter and the minute she has the opportunity to confess she panics (like we all would).

I needed to start a new bullet point cuz that was getting long. Continuing with that scene: I love how Peter finally just admits that YES he is Spiderman (shocker) and he really messed up lol. Their little back and forth banter “are joking with me cuz it’s not funny” “I was only like 67% sure” “what are you doing on a school trip?!” is MJ both extremely excited and freaking the eff out at what is going on. In truth it’s a lot to process. The guy she likes is Spiderman and he just admitted it, she’s been carrying evidence to a major crime, they both just figured out together that Mysterio is gonna kill half of Europe, etc...MJ is showing her true human emotions to Peter and only Peter.

We continue to see MJ breaking down her walls in Peter’s hotel room. She’s actively trying to help him figure out what he is going to do about everything they just found out. She has emotional facial expressions. AND WOO MJ is revealed to be a hormonal teenaged girl who wants to look at Peter’s abs (don’t we all). But THE MINUTE Ned comes in, it’s like a light switch turned off. She goes back to being blunt “he didn’t tell me, I figured it out” and has no expression on her face. It really just goes to show how Peter brings out the best in her and ughhhh yesss

Ok this isn’t really analysis but Peter diving after MJ in that illusion (even after recognizing that it wasn’t real) goes to show how much he cares about her ok continue...

MJ is now a FOS (friend of Spiderman). She knows the danger that comes with being a FOS. She reminds Ned of this and urges that they should break off from the rest of the class. She doesn’t want others to get hurt on her account. It was a very brave thing for her to do. And she continues to be brave when she whacked the shit out of that drone with A MACE. And I love that MJ doesn’t have unrealistic levels of strength. Because she shouldn’t. She is a teenaged girl. She doesn’t have superpowers. The fact that she nearly dropped the mace on the floor is really realistic. it’s heavy. But she doesn’t need powers to have courage or to help save herself and her friends.

I love how in the vault MJ’s confession is that she is “obsessed with the truth and will always say it even if it hurts someone’s feelings”. Or something like that. And yes she is. Like I said before, MJ is not mean. Is she awkward? Yes. Does she sometimes not know how to continue a conversation? Yes. Are her interests dark and morbid? Yes. But she’s not a bully. She’s honest. Her personality is brutally honest and her appearance is brutally honest. She doesn’t try to look like someone she’s not to impress Peter. She doesn’t try to change her personality to please others. But she does indeed call you out on your bullshit when you are acting up. We need more people like MJ.

Brace yourselves #3: We are transferring into THE SCENE. Let’s all take a deep breath before we begin. Ok. MJ obviously cares about Peter. And obviously MJ is not a physical contact type of person. The minute the drones stop attacking, she runs to find Peter without a second thought. And what does she do? She hugs him. This isn’t a half ass hug either. She runs and launches herself into his arms. Which is an appropriate response because she didn’t even know if he was still alive. That’s when she pulls out The Necklace. I can only imagine how MJ must have felt when Happy gave that to her. I feel like in that moment she realized that hey, Peter might actually have feelings for her. And the fact that it was her favorite flower really sent her. She is so overcome with emotion that she interrupts Peter’s rambling yet again but this time with A PECK ON THE LIPS. And although she has an idea that Peter likes her now, you can still see all over her face that she’s waiting to see his reaction. SHES TESTING THE WATERS YET AGAIN PEOPLE. Just like she was doing in Hoco. I’m gonna make that my senior quote I swear I feel like I’ve said that so many times. AND THEN she admits that she has trouble getting close to people and that she lied about watching him just because he was Spiderman. (Btw Zendaya’s delivery was amazing and you could just see the emotion on her face and hear it in her voice.) That is a big step for MJ. Once again for the twentieth time in this rant/analysis, MJ is allowing herself to open up around Peter. And it’s a little scary for her but she does it anyway. 

BUT WAIT THERES MORE. “I actually like it better broken”. Of course she does. Tattoo this quote on my forehead. I changed my mind, this will be my senior quote. The amount of depth in that line is insane. Broken. The necklace. It’s broken. The boy standing in front of her has just had his ass handed to him, his face is bloodied and he’s limping. He is physically broken. He’s also witnessed the death of his uncle and Ironman, both important father figures in his life. Not to mention the trauma he’s been through fighting Thanos and being manipulated by Mysterio. He is mentally broken. MJ probably comes from a troubled household. Her family is broken (probably). The fact that MJ and Peter and half the universe were dusted and lost 5 years of their lives with zero say. The world is broken. But MJ doesn’t mind. She straight up tells Peter that she doesn’t care that times are tough or that it’s dangerous to be close to him. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger am I right? AND THEN she really admits, I’m talking blatantly, flat out, no sugar, clear as day, states “I really like you too”. WEVE GONE FULL CIRCLE YET AGAIN. She has officially opened up to Peter ladies and gents. Like really opened up this time. Full on. And then he nervously wiggles in to peck her lips and she gives him a shy smile. And then we get a full on K I S S and she’s got the courage to put her hand on his neck. Wow. The amount of shy smiles she gives Peter in this entire scene is just too much to count. And she MAKES A JOKE. And it’s not a sarcastic one. She awkwardly grabs that mace and pretends to beat someone’s ass “just in case” ahhhhh.

When Peter and MJ nervously hold hands in New Jersey. Yeah. And she’s wearing the broken necklace. And one final time we see MJ saying something blunt “nobody really pays attention to you” cuz that’s who she is but then adding how she really feels immediately after “except for me” all because she is with Peter. And only Peter makes her do that.

Oh and MJ freaking out and screaming at the top of her lungs was yet another relatable aspect that makes her so lovable. For the ten millionth time, she tries to play it cool around Peter, but he ends up breaking down her walls.

That was so long. I’m so sorry. If you made it this far you’re the real MVP and I appreciate it.

[anarkhebringer]

hi i'm back, can i get some more modern felix stuff please? just anything you can think of would be perfect!

Hiiiii nonny, welcome back~~~

But anyway yee, you may have a lot of random modern Felix stuffs. I’m always happy to deliver. I’m gonna try to not make it too long, but it’s already a mile long now by the time I’ve made most of the main points so I might as well just roll with it a bit. This is definitely gonna be a very long read.

Living with his aunt for the number of years he has eventually led him to developing an occasional southern drawl when he speaks, since his aunt has one. It’s a very rare thing though, and almost never happens. When it does though, he HATES IT.

The influences on his speaking from his aunt mostly shows in his wording of things, since sometimes when he gets spirited about something he says “y’all” and such all the time. One time when Sylvain was just being Sylvain, and neither Felix nor Ashe could calm him, Felix just muttered “y’all’re gonna bleed me dry someday…” Sylvain and Ashe thought it was the cutest fuckin’ thing, and Sylvain calmed down after that. Neither mentioned the drawl though since they quickly learned from hearing stories that Felix will get really pissed if you tease him about it or even mention it too much for his tastes. Which is just mentioning it at all.

He’s not easily scared at all, but just walking past him wrong can make him jolt from being startled sometimes. That’s something from his traumas that’s finally starting to come to the forefront that couldn’t before, since he could suppress everything that hindered his progress in combat, but he can’t do that anymore.

He’s gotten to be a person who can really enjoy his leisure due to his really deep dive into depression that happened after he got his ability to be in combat taken away from him. He and Linhardt could have had a competition to see who can fall asleep while standing up and stay standing the longest. He has medication that helps keep him awake enough to not be able to do that anymore though, but he has really bad insomnia now as a result of his completely chaotic and inconsistent sleeping schedule. His stress wrinkles in the inner corners of his eyes are completely covered by the dark circles under them now that really shows his wear and exhaustion.

He won’t at all complain if he’s given a task to do by someone that isn’t in his household, and it’ll keep his mind active and keep his mood in a positive place if he isn’t overworked. He does get drained way easier now though if what he’s asked to do involves socializing or interacting with anyone in any way too much.

When he’s drained socially, he becomes very aggressive and unstable. He’ll get like he used to be and completely isolate, and lash out if you interrupt what he’s doing and you don’t want to actively participate. He’d still get mad that you interrupted him though, and he probably won’t let you participate unless you’re among a certain handful of people.

Ashe and Claude are the only two people who don’t mentally drain him whatsoever, and he could see them literally every day if they wanted to do that. Ashe because Felix cares for him so much, and Claude because they’re so similar. He and Claude don’t drain each other because they can go literal months without speaking, then pick up on what they left off on like they only stopped talking for a day or two. Same with Ashe, though Felix becomes slightly noticeably more down and sad when he doesn’t see Ashe for too long a timespan.

He has a secret love of cuddling, and also hides his full support of platonic PDA, cuddling, and even kisses and such if there’s enough mutual trust between the ones involved. He’s very touch-averse and sensitive to others touching him, so he only really lets Ashe, Claude, and Sylvain touch him to show affection. Only Ashe can do much, and he only really tolerates Sylvain’s occasional one-armed hugs or quick pats on the shoulder as he walks by. Ashe however can hug him (after making his desires to do so known of course), hold his arms, and even his hands, since Ashe is the kind to show affection by physical means whenever he’s allowed to do so. They even cuddle at night when Ashe stays overnight at his apartment.

He actually lets Sylvain cuddle with him too when Sylvain really needs the affection during hard times, though he never returns it unless he does so while he’s asleep. It’s become a comforting thing to wake up to, feeling the warmth of Sylvain against him and his arms wrapped around Felix’s frame, even though Felix didn’t really want it to become that. At first, anyway.

His depressive rut wasn’t all bad in some cases, and because of the isolation he went into, he’s become extremely artistic and tech savvy since he didn’t have much to do to occupy himself. Being extremely brainy as is really helped him get going with these things.

He’s also learned to hack and code on the computer from that rut too, and he could get you into anything you wanted him to. He knows all sorts of ways to hide himself under all sorts of circumstances, and clear his tracks if he’s found, so he could actually be extremely dangerous if he were to use this knowledge and skill for anything shady. The most he uses it for is to make modifications to games and explore the Dark Web as anonymously as possible when his morbid curiosities get the best of him, though.

Well, there have been times where he’s used his skills to scare people. There have been times where people have threatened his friends (namely Claude and Ashe), and to scare the bullies off, he hid himself and hacked into their devices to make text documents warning them to stay away or else there would be trouble, because they’re always being watched. That always managed to scare them off on the first try, and he’s never done anything more than that, because there was no need.

He’s super protective of what few friends he has. He’d willingly put himself in danger for them all the time, unless of course they got themselves into the mess they’re in and he feels they don’t really deserve to be helped out of a situation that’ll be them learning their lesson. Otherwise, he’s borderline obsessed with his friends’ safety and happiness. It’s hard to really see that outside of sudden outbursts from him, since he’s so averse to socialization and unable to understand/express emotions well, but if he’s really needed and he can mentally handle it, you’d best believe he’d be completely focused on doing whatever he could do to help a friend in need for as long as they needed him.

Stuff like this has his friends really knowing who he is eventually, and he doesn’t like that. He’s actually really nice, but his way of showing it isn’t exactly common. Onlookers would think he’s just indifferent unless he’s feeling particularly chipper and/or manic, but his friends get to be on the receiving end of conversation and see him do more personal things compared to others, so they know he’s far nicer than even he thinks he is. He’s become oddly patient compared to his old self, and can hold a conversation for a while longer than he used to. If you get him talking about certain topics, though, you could manage to talk with him for literal hours on end.

He’s overall pretty chill now. Depression has taken the constant explosive anger out of him. He’s still always angry and bitter to some degree, but not to the point of lashing out at every little thing that upsets him. He’s still just as blunt as he was before, but he’s become a lot more passive-aggressive and/or condescending when it shows, instead of sudden outbursts and hurling insults around at all turns. And to those who have received both from him, the current version of his aggression hurts them a lot more, since he shows so little emotion during the times he throws something out to hurt them. All they see is (sometimes) in his body language, and the bitter fogginess in those eyes from how empty he’s become. Even his tone has changed. He’s not as aggressive sounding unless he’s more angry than usual, but he’s got a bitter tone. Or worse, he sounds almost monotone, like he feels absolutely nothing. If he’s got the tone of voice he used to have before, know that he’s on the verge of snapping and lashing out, and that goes from angry sounding to yelling at any time. And he yells loud.

He tends to cry a bit more than he used to now, since he gets overstimulated really easily. He can hold it in around other people most of the time unless it’s particularly overwhelming and getting even worse. It sometimes reminds Sylvain of when they were kids, but then he feels bad thinking of it like that since Felix has more going on in his head than he did back then. He’s trying to work on stopping that association, and he’s starting to get better at not thinking of Felix when he was a kid when he cries.

He used to parade around talking about how he wasn’t one to laugh and joke, but nowadays he’s not like that anymore. He still won’t joke often, and jokes go right over his head and he doesn’t get it and may ruin it usually, but he lets himself laugh at things he finds funny. Not around other people, though. Unless it’s from something else he finds funny, like a YouTube video. His laugh is like an odd mix between Vinny from Vinesauce, Bluesdank, and FPS Diesel. He’s the rare kind of person that’ll laugh in 10 different ways in one sitting and them all be real laughter. The sound of his laughter isn’t too consistent at times.

There’s another reason he can’t do much anymore aside from his depression, and that’s because a year or so ago he had a fit of smaller seizures that shocked his system really bad because of how long it lasted. After that, his mental regression that was already happening because of what he has has gotten much faster in its progression.

Despite these new growing limits he has, he’s still doing his best to keep going and existing on doing what he can do with what he has, and he’s shifted from being solely focused on a person’s skills in battle to how much heart they have due to it. He won’t care about combat skills anymore if you aim to impress him, he cares more about what you bring to the table. Your skills with a sword don’t show what you put your heart into in life and what you do for yourself and others. If you wanna impress him, give him a gift from the heart, not anything store bought. Do something nice for someone. Draw him a picture, write him a letter, pick him some flowers you think he’d like. Maybe take him to the park? Talk to him about your interests, voice your opinions on what you enjoy. Something that you can put your heart into, and I can’t stress it enough. He cares about a person’s core more than their fighting prowess now. He’s sworn off of focusing so much on fighting forever since he got the ability to do so himself taken form him, and he refuses to still dwell on it with others, too.

Alright, that’s gonna be where I cut it off for now. Hopefully that was a good read. I’ve made Felix go through some shit in this AU, but hey, he’s one of the characters I picked to put a theme of healing and strength onto, so I gotta give him some lore to get him to the point of being so different now. Plus a softer Felix makes me warm inside, so I wanted to incorporate that in, too.

[writer-and-artist27]

Random Question! Do you have a moment in any of your fics that you are particularily fond of?

Funny that you come by a few hours before my final exam for Summer Session, but thank you for the ask, Chief. I needed a break.

Still. A single moment…? 

(smiles sadly) There is one, but it’s part of a oneshot. I thought of it after you sent me your most recent music recommendation. So yeah. 

I don’t think a lot of my reader base from CP has read this story because it’s a spin-off of spin-offs, but I’m still proud of it because it is a moment that, to me, defines Tomoko’s character in all of her hidden glory. It’s a moment where no one from Extended Team Minato and the other ninja gets to hear. Not even Kei, her reincarnation buddy and closest friend from The Sea and Stars gets to witness this. 

It’s just Tomoko. Expressing her thoughts on life to a former Hero of Justice.

And that’s the beauty of it.

She would never say this otherwise to anyone and to me, it just highlights how emotionally powerful and lonely she is inside when no one is looking.

No one has made the same decision as her, and she has to live with that everyday when seeing ninja go off and fight for their lives. She has to deal with the eventual truth that Kei and the others may die before her for a nation that doesn’t treat everyone equally.

And yet she still believes in her choice to not participate in the fighting. It’s something.

Snippet below.

———————————————--

“Tomoko, what would you do to save someone?”

He was not expecting the immediate answer. The only signal he had was the way Tomoko’s mouth transformed from a surprised “o” to a warm and confident smile as she inclined her head.

“Well, I’d be by their side and hug them, reminding them that they are loved, of course!”

He couldn’t help it. He simply said a disbelieving, “What.”

That was far too simple. Hell, it was far too quick of an answer.

Why was she so confident? It was too naive of an idea. Her entire answer screamed shades of “Emiya Shirou,” and Archer bit back the bitter taste in his throat.

The smile in his direction had turned almost sad as Tomoko blinked at him, turning on her sandal to face the sky above them. “Your face says you weren’t expecting that. And,” she made a circle in the air with her pointer finger, “you’re wondering why I said all that, huh?”

Bullseye. For once, no words left his mouth, and Tomoko took that chance to continue, taking a few steps forward towards the nearest sword. “Just to let you know, saving someone doesn’t restrict itself to saving a life during a battle or something. From my own experience, there’s only so much you can do for someone aside from fighting. The ninja already showed me that fighting makes one lose themselves if they’re alone. And I’ve been alone too, when they don’t see it.” She tilted her head back towards him, a sad gleam in her eyes. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m not trying to be a hero. Everyone I love would call me out on it, even my past people. Dying once before does something to a person, anyways.”

Archer blinked. Then the cold hit him. “Wait, you—”

Tomoko took a part of her skirt to curtsy. Whether out of playfulness or sorrow, Archer couldn’t tell. “I may not be a Heroic Spirit, but reincarnation is something I’m familiar with.” She bowed her head before looking up at him with a small smile. “Why do you think I recognized you and Saber despite the world around us not even knowing what Japan is?”

Fuck. This was worse than he could have even imagined. He suspected something, but not to this extent. It took a lot of his self-control to not even fall over from the shock. “So then, when you recognized Saber as King Arthur—”

“Yep.”  

“And,” his mouth felt increasingly dry with the cold, not helped by the wind generated by his Reality Marble. “Your piano—”

“Uh-huh. Memories from the past. Anime, video games, anything my past self can still remember, really.”

He couldn’t even help the last question. It was a morbid one that he probably should not have asked in hindsight, but it left his mouth anyways. “How did it happen?”

Tomoko’s expression seemed to be caught between understanding and sadness. “Have you ever died slowly and painfully in your own blood? While your family and friends were trying to save you, telling you that the accident wasn’t your fault? When you couldn’t even find the strength to say your last words?”

Archer immediately closed his own mouth. It didn’t feel right to justify those questions with a response, more so with the nagging feeling in his chest that said she was being serious. It didn’t help that she was starting to sound like himself. He could still vaguely remember the rope that tied his own neck so many years ago. Even as a Counter Guardian, that memory still stuck. Hell, the shocked blue eyes of one Tohsaka mage was still burned in his mind.

That explained everything. It explained why Tomoko’s eyes initially unnerved him. She was reminding him of Tohsaka. His Rin. Not the Rin he got to know as a Master, but his Rin that he knew as a friend. The Rin who tried to save him at the very end, only to fail. But the look in her eyes right now — it looked like someone else to the point of being uncanny.

‘Sempai—’ echoed quietly in his mind. What ironic timing. Archer couldn’t help but feel morbidly grateful Tomoko wasn’t facing him, because the face he was making in this situation probably wasn’t right for a Hero of Justice. “You still live,” he said quietly instead.

“And it’s why I don’t fight like Kei and the others do,” Tomoko concluded in that same light yet terse voice. Her right hand reached out, as if to grasp the handle of the sword closest to her, but hesitated. Another second saw her take that same hand back, hunching into herself. “There’s so much time you can get to yourself in the realm between death and life. A lot of things to think about. What could’ve been done, what didn’t actually happen. How saving means different things for everyone. How you can’t really help everyone when you can’t even help yourself.” Her sandal threw up some of the sand around them as she swayed back and forth on her feet, her dress flowing behind her. “Weird, huh? You’re the first one aside from Kei that I’ve given details to that sort of thing.” She laughed, a soft tinkly noise that would’ve been alright in any other circumstance if not for Archer sensing that small bit of regret. “I’m sorry for rambling. Went a bit too far there. I get that the subject is uncomfy.”

“Don’t—” Archer took a breath and shook his head, keeping his hands to his sides. And he thought he saw hell. In a fairy tale, this would be a time for the hero to hug the princess, to remind her that she wasn’t alone, but life was never a fairy tale. “Don’t apologize. You were making your point.” He couldn’t help but feel apologetic. He extremely underestimated his Master, again. And here he thought he learned from his time with Rin. “I’m… sorry for bringing it up and being an asshole.”

Tomoko immediately swiveled her head to give him an incredulous stare. It probably was because of his cursing. “Sorry? Archer, there’s nothing to be sorry about.” She trotted over to him, reaching up with her right hand. Archer closed his eyes, expecting another “boop”, but found nothing of the sorts. Instead, a light touch covered his left cheek, and his eyes flew open. She was using her entire hand. And that same smile from before was back. “You’re fine. Right now, we’re fine. And besides.” She lightly patted his cheek with that same hand, her voice light with that brightness he first got to know her with. “I have you here with me now to keep the loneliness away, don’t I?”

He blinked. He could feel his heart expand with warmth from the words, and a scoff caught between bitterness and sweetness left his throat. “You are quite the foolish Master, you realize this?”

Tomoko still smiled. “Hey. I’m fine with being a fool if it means everyone else is a bit happier.” She withdrew her hand after one last pat to his cheek, taking a few steps back to turn around and look up towards the artificially clouded sky. “And besides. Life isn’t just about survival and killing. The ninja I know might have to live with that as an occupation, but I don’t want them forgetting the small things. Forgetting the happy things.” Her hands clasped one another behind her back as her hair flared out from the wind. “Everyone deserves a chance to be happy. And the world is shitty enough as is. I’d rather be kind and not spill any blood at all than be another cog in a machine that doesn’t know when to stop. I’d rather be myself and help others find some source of comfort through little things like music and hugs, even if the songs aren’t entirely my own.”

“So, when you said your answer about saving someone…”

Tomoko turned back to smile at him. Brightly, warmly, and confidently. “I meant every single bit.” She inclined her head, exposing the small braid on the left side of her head as the clouds in his Reality Marble proceeded to break. “And it’s why I want to be with you, Archer! You deserve something nice too!”

[ryouverua]

One last time

HE’S BACK -

Fair warning - lots of text below. Like. Lots.

... But first, just before he came to meet with us again -

So all of his classmates in turn talk about how relieve they are that they can work together without suspecting each other, but something about the way she says it rings............ false. But then again, that might be my own bias colouring things. She outright states it in a way that the others don’t, idk. 8′D

Shuichi, though... he’s realized. Maybe not with an exact name, but he knows that isn’t true. He literally can’t bring himself to pretend that it’s true at all.

Oh Himiko...

5 survivors.... or maybe 4, depending on how the mastermind goes out. That’s definitely a new, sad record. :(

I CAN NAME A REASON -

Look who’s back with a brand new ahoge! It’s got that new-hair smell and everything -

H-He was never going to outright attack any of us though, right??? Even if he was willing to let us become collateral damage (which admittedly is super Not Great either, but -). That’s a really morbid thought Shuichi - where did it come from?

And of course, now that his hairpiece is back, he’s gone back to his more deferential, timid self.

“I’m telling you, that ahoge was 95% of my impulse control! Literally!”

But the fact that he’s apologizing now, when he was completely unapologetic before... that has to be that inner voice directing him now, right? But I wonder if it influences his ‘emotions’ (or whatever the equivalent would be for him) as well. Is the voice literally telling him to apologize or does he just ‘feel the urge’ to apologize?

So it is back.

Has it always been that tall???

Maybe if Miu and Kokichi had let him talk before Korekiyo’s trial, we could have followed up on this!!

Honestly though, I’m curious about this too. Is it a literal voice that tells him what to do? Does it appear as a suggestion to him? It sounds like it isn’t ordering him around but more ‘offering suggestions’... something that wouldn’t come across as obtrusive, but welcoming. Something that wouldn’t raise any alarm bells in him. Or maybe he was programmed to accept that just the way things were supposed to be.

.......... Actually the fact that it came up around Korekiyo’s trial, someone else who was revealed to be doing things based on a voice of sorts in his head, is a very strange coincidence? That... may or may not bode well for K1-b0. Is he going to be a foil to Korekiyo, or a parallel?

The inner voice may be good after all if it helped him realize this. 8′D 

Wait, they said there was an accident when he was first created, right? And he reset? This had to have been a fail-safe because something similar to this happened...

As much as I want to comment on the fact that he’s said he can’t cry and he literally is sweating and his ‘eyes’ are ready to overflow, but fffff every single time I see this sprite my heart clenches and I kind of want to hug him. >3>

We’ve officially got everyone on the same side now! ......... well okay there’s technically one specific exception but on the surface we’re all good!

Look at Maki getting better at shedding her tsundere side! She’s getting better at being outright kind and welcoming to people, yay ~

oh my god

This is so..... blatant.... especially with Maki literally saying K1-b0 created this opportunity and Monokuma throwing her under the bus to have another trial. She.... she’s mad at him, isn’t she? And Monokuma too? 

Oh man anyone who doesn’t realize at this point probably thinks it’s one of her anime-reference non-sequiters! But it’s not! It’s definitely a distraction! And she’s totally established herself as someone whose head is in the clouds so she she says random things like this, no one blinks an eye! What other comments has she covered like this?

ARE YOU THOUGH.............

Anyway, it’s time for the trial now so - 

Yeah that’s true - we haven’t actually resolved this clue yet, have we?

I thought your eyesight wasn’t good? But okay, why not! Have a go at it, K1-b0!

Okay before plot progression though, fluff text time -

................................

WHELP THIS IS A HELL OF A FLUFF TEXT

I have so many things to say about this despite the fact that I’ve definitely talked about it before, because I actually relate to the idea of feeling like a different person in cosplay - of, well, letting yourself become the role. And I’ve definitely said that the theme of ‘becoming the role’ is a huge secondary theme of the game, just under ‘truth vs lies’, which is actually why I originally had Tsumugi as my potential mastermind back in Chapter 3. It’s telling that she’s comparing K1-b0 and his ‘personality enhancement’ with her own cosplay though - she’s often said that she only finds herself interesting when she isn’t being herself, so maybe it applies here too. Is this her way of enhancing her own self? Of becoming what she thinks is a ‘better’ self, a more interesting and charismatic person?

With that reveal of ‘Junko’ at the end of the last trial and Tsumugi often comparing cosplay to ‘bringing someone to life’, ‘channeling’ and ‘and being a vessel for the gods’, that means she’s basically resurrecting Junko in a sense... or acting as her vessel? Is that what will happen here? I think it’s possible for her to bring the ‘larger than life’ Junko from history (like the way long-dead historical figures can often become their own entities that walk the line between fiction and reality) as a way to get around the cospox issue unless I’ve really been accusing the wrong person this whole time lmao. It also lines up with all the times resurrection has been brought up in the game which is A LOT - the funeral scene/reviving the Ultimates, Ryoma describing himself as an empty shell walking around (and trying to ‘revive’ himself via a reason to live, killing off the initial protagonist then reviving the role for Shuichi, the Necronomicon, the seance, Korekiyo and his sister, and lastly, Kokichi via Kaito in the exisal. Combine that with my theory of the students just being normal kids who were reborn with the memories of actual Ultimate students who already died... and them even being forced to dress for those roles... this line of hers becomes really important!

Is this going to become a showdown between personalities who died ages ago? But for what purpose? Even though it looks like there’s a decent amount of things that were made up/embellished in those lights, the clip of the funeral, Kaede wearing the helmet and the meteors were shown outside of the flashback light scene - so are we still facing a doomsday scenario?

And back to Tsumugi herself - does she not have enough conviction to follow through with these plans and Monokuma unless she’s in Junko-wear? That would explain why she and Monokuma don’t seem to be on the same page... So which one of them is pulling the strings, exactly?? They’re definitely independent entities!

Meanwhile Himiko is having a grand old time because she’s finally got a friend in Maki. Aaaaaaw ~

We’re, uh, going to have problems if that’s true.

SHUICHI REMEMBERS TOO LMAO

Strength of an old man, average or below-average agility, eyesight and intelligence... what else was there?

And it wasn’t stripped from you???

But... maybe they didn’t realize you had it. Or don’t care? It’s not a dangerous upgrade, so maybe they didn’t realize it could be used in a way that could possibly hinder them...

He says he’s accepted it, but I think it was more out of necessity. It’ll take him some time to adjust to this new state of mind... but I’m happy to hear it, tbh. Just like Shuichi, he’s really struggled with his Ultimate identity up until now, you know? And even though it’s on more of an extreme level, these talents created differences in everyone and how they related to the world, not just him. It’s just a bit more... well, obvious in his case.

It’s all about accepting the good with the bad, K1-b0! And despite some, uh, questionable actions on your part, you really did do so much for us - we never would have gotten to Kokichi’s and Rantaro’s lab, the mastermind’s room, or discovered the flashback light machine without you!

Oh???

.... Uh.

Uh. What. What are those. What.... What are those?!?!

GONTA WAS RIGHT - !

w h a t they’re so stupid and cute

Tiny.... cameras....??? They look like little camera men?

..... I.... I don’t know... if this rules out VR or not. Because if they need little these little guys with cameras, doesn’t that mean they don’t have the omniscient power of a computer program behind them....????

Again, why did they not strip you of these new functions along with the weapons???

First of all, damn, K1-b0! Getting your ahoge back didn’t kill all of that fire in you after all!

Second of all.............. your skin???? Shell??? It’s definitely changed colour? Since when has it been so human-like -

Looks like K1-b0 can still be tough with his ahoge. :D

Oh god, there’s a whole swarm of hivemind Camera-kubs all over the campus? And they’re literally everywhere?!?! wtf -

I guess that’s a similar concept to the regular Monokumas??? Sure there’s usually only one operational at a time, but they always seem to pick up where the last left off. kind of like Kyuubey

First of all, ew.

Second of all, TRAUMATIC BUZZING NOISE FLASHBACKS

THE ONES THAT I STUPIDLY THOUGHT WERE PART OF THE MONITOR SETUP AROUND THE SCHOOL

but that wouldn’t have made sense because there’s nothing like that outside -

So there’s nanotechnology that exists on such a scale............

MONOKAMERA, THE SIXTH MONOKUB, HIDING ALL OVER THE ACADEMY. THE ONE THEY CALL THE ULTIMATE CAMERA GUY. WATCH OUT FOR HER THEM....

Can we note that once again it is Maki declaring that Kokichi was correct? She is doing her damnedest to check her own prejudices against him this chapter as penance and it’s great.

It’s not ideal, but I also wonder if some of the things he uncovered were only possible using his methods. not that you probably actually are happy about that

actually I bet you were pissed about the whole chapter 5 thing too

..... I want to go back and see that tbh

TALK OF REINCARNATION AGAIN.... also lol Himiko that’s kind of mean

Monokuma thinks he’s going to win... and if I’m reading this correctly, he can still win at the expense of Tsumugi losing....? Is that why? Even if Tsumugi’s plan fails and we see past her trap of ‘Kaede is the mastermind’, identifying Tsumugi will still end up being a victory for him....?

And your sudden hope!extremism, yeah? Because that really was something. 8′D

OH GOD WE’RE GOING IN I MEAN... I’M READY BUT I’M ALSO NOT TBH, I’M NOT 100% SOLID ABOUT THE BIG MYSTERY SURROUNDING THE GAME

like

I feel like I ~get~ some stuff but there’s still something just beyond...........

“M-Maki I know you’re trying to put my mind at ease but can we not bring up dying before we’ve even tried to win -”

Real talk - I love Himiko’s spell names.

Y.... Yeah........ but why are you excited about this....?

Then again, I feel like you were actually really attached to Gonta? I mean, you were always defending him, right? Is this your way of giving him some postmortem love? ...... AAAAH I DON’T KNOW -

aslkdjf I know this was the same amount as last time but this is such a small cast left -

Man, we’re just... swinging right back to despair and hope again. Look, I know we’re appeasing K1-b0 but -

Why.... why is it back again. Why is Monokuma back again. Why did the killing game come back at all - what is the point of trying to be Junko? What’s to gain from all of this?

I remember thinking and really liking the idea that this game was completely separate from the last two, so it’s strange to have arrived at this point at the very end, but.... well. Here we go, I suppose.

Well said, Sweetcheeks.

So.... normally I’d have a drawn out map of the crime scene, but this is a pretty different situation so I made this at the trial save point:

It’s a bit small, so I’ll recap and expand on that and a few other things:

“TSUMUGI IS THE FUCKING MASTERMIND AND SHE IS TOTALLY TRYING TO SET KAEDE UP AS THE ‘FAKE’ MASTERMIND TO SCREW WITH SHUICHI’S (ET AL)’S HEADS

She set up the document saying Kaede has a twin and is trying to draw parallels to Junko (to trick Shuichi)

She planted the shot-put ball in the mastermind’s lair

She didn’t talk about ‘birthing a Monokuma’ (when everyone else did)

SHE IS THE ‘MOTHER’ THAT WAS REFERRED TO BY MONOTARO IN TRIAL 4, NOT MOTHERKUMA

So I went into some detail earlier about Tsumugi herself, and over the last few investigation posts I ended up decided on what I outlined above. On top of everything else, I think we’re going to nail her on the idea that while Kaede’s murder occurred, she went to the library via the mastermind’s lab and stole Rantaro’s Survivor’s Perk. The problem is... then what? What exactly will we do after that? Also I swear Kaede thought of the same thing, with no idea what to do once we confronted the mastermind -

As for the general situation, I’m sticking to my guns about the class not actually being the Ultimates they think they are - I saw the ‘talents’ part of the flashback light setup menu. Actually, the flashback lights themselves.... jeez. Okay. Ironically enough, my thoughts on them are that their execution in the game is similar to Kokichi’s lying style.

First the game has a cutscene that’s completely truthful. Kaede and Shuichi remember being kidnapped at the beginning of the game. The entire prologue scene. The funeral at the beginning of chapter 2. The meteors in chapter 3. Hell, the kid at the beginning of this chapter, who seems to be watching them and getting inspired by them...??? Then... that’s when the flashback light comes in and embellishes that truth with fantasy. That funeral? It was for the entire class, and they all see themselves as being part of it (picturing ‘themselves’ in those photos rather than the students whose memories they all have). The meteors? It gave rise to an entire death cult - the Ultimate Despair, in fact - and they, themselves, were hunted (which plays off of the players’ knowledge of knowing they remember being kidnapped off the streets). Or something like that....

I’m just trying to place a few things, like that picture of Kaito with his grandparents in the motive video and the flashbacks of Shuichi and Kaede in the helmets. Where do they get placed in all of this? Was Shuichi able to project the image of ‘Kaito’ he knew when watching the video, or is that part of the technomagic of the video itself? We did have a whole segment of the VR chapter talking about the mind being able to be fooled into overcoming the reality of the situation (dying via simulation murder) so is it safe to extrapolate from there? And did Shuichi and Kaede remember themselves with those helmets separately from those flashback lights, as a delayed reaction (which as of this chapter is proven to be possible) or is that real?

As for whether this is a simulation, there’s evidence for and against that. The flashbacks with the helmets - pro. The physical presence of cameras - false. Though with that said, I’ve done a bit of work in computer programs where you actually have to set up cameras in-program and when testing the animation, it’ll only capture what’s set up in the frame - so then again, maybe not??? Those computerized cameras can be programmed to move along a certain path and the lens/frame/etc itself can also be altered.... and they did counteract having blind spots by swarming the campus with them so. Hm. Honestly, it could go both ways. I don’t want to dwell too much on this only because I don’t think that’s going to be the ‘big’ reveal anyhow tbh...

Still though; roles, escapism, resurrection. That’s what I picked up on the most through this entire thing. So how does that work together...? The students were told they were replaceable, and the game will never end. Rantaro lived through one but died in the next. Did he live through a game with this same group of classmates or other people? Or, hell, were they ‘other people’ but with the same names/personalities/memories, but different physical people? And if he was willing to repeat the game again, then why? Was it for a chance to break the loop? Or is there a goal to be accomplished if he wins it properly?

Okay, I think I’m starting to go in circles here. What I know: Tsumugi is the mastermind, and she’s not in complete sync with Monokuma. She’s trying to get Kaede(’s twin) framed; Monokuma is perfectly fine with Tsumugi being identified. Tsumugi falls back on the Junko persona when she’s in mastermind mode - when she was alone, she couldn’t help but be that way with Motherkuma. It’s a role she’s able to take - maybe passed down. Anyway, the point is, she uses it to ‘enhance herself’ or maybe to ‘escape her plain self’. Almost like an emotional support thing....? I wonder...

A lot of the truth as we know it is embellished. Only things we can trust from the flashback lights are things we saw independently of them as well, I think? At the bare minimum, pre-Chapter 4. After that point we didn’t have any corresponding prologue clips to match with the lights. With that said, the students were given talents and memories to match them - I think the Ultimate students they belonged to were actually killed... by the Ultimate Hunt, perhaps. Either way, these kids were brought in as ‘replacements’, the same way the Monokids were replaced. Rantaro, at the very least, was not a replacement though - he had a chance to do this again and took it, for whatever reason... Is this a simulation for the Gopher Project? Or something else entirely? Why ‘resurrect’ the Ultimate students at all? And why is there potentially a scenario where Tsumugi loses, but Monokuma still wins? WHY DON’T I HAVE A FULLY CONFIDENT ANSWER FOR EVERYTHING FFS -

Oh, and of course, Kokichi Ouma was 25 steps ahead of everyone and had Rantaro’s figure in his room too, so that’s cool.

[gjr1086]

Sometimes the hero needs saving...

So i don't really post much unless i have me feels going. But i think it's time u guys kno my story..

Since I was a kid my brother n my dad would always fight. I've seen my dad slam my brother through a wall when i was 14 n felt helpless... both of them are big guys with short fuses n thick skulls..

Throughout my teens i was picked on n bullied cause of my eczema (sever constant dry skin. Almost like having a heat rash n sunburn at the sme time). I wasn't popular but i made my own rep n was able to make friends easily. However, being so nice gets u taken advantage of.

I had a lot of messed up n abusive relationships to the point that being treated like a worthless piece of wasted skin. As hard to say all this it's time for me to let go of these heavy weight that I've been carrying around all my life.

When i got pregnant in 2008 my ex husband would cheat on me with random females (some from craigslist). The stress before n during my pregnancy landed me in the OR to have an emergency c-section cause my daughter's heart rate kept dropping (i wanted to have her naturally but my body only dialated 3-5cm. I spent the next 5 days in the hospital trying to learn how to walk n take a piss on my own with out having an accident. When we got home my ex husband tells me that with the complecations during surgery the doctor gave him a choice on who to save in the event that we both start crashing. He tells him to save his wife cause we can always make another baby.

After that he just kept abusing me mentally n emotionally by staying out at outrageous hours saying he has to work (as an electrician who's hours of operation end at 5pm. He leaves at 6am n cames home at 2am the next morning). I had enough n snapped on him tue daybafter my daughter's first Christmas. My mom took the baby out of the room so i could sleep n my ex runs his mouth about my mom invading our room n messing with the baby. (Mind u i am still pretty raw from having my daughter less then a month before). Idk what came over me but when he turned his bck to me in the middle of the conversation i saw red n pulled him back saying "don't turn ur fucking back on me again n look at me when i am talking to u" he seemed like he was gonna swing n i would have let him just to fuel my rage more.. something took over me n i fractured 3 or his ribs, gave him a black eye and a busted lip.. we split for bout 3 weeks but he would "try" to see the baby n ended up saying that he wanted to come home. But that didn't last long. We separated about a month later n he hasn't seen his daughter since she was 4 months old..

After that all my relationship were extremely difficult on both ends cause i seem to be attracting n am attracted to ppl as broken as I was.. thinking I could save them.. when really i needed to he saved. I was told by my over 5 yr ex that fairytales don't exsist n started believing that there will never be a happy ending for me..

In 2014 my mom, dad, daughter n i moved into a house with my brother, his wife n 2 bots who came from the Philippines. Here i was thinking it was to bring the family closer but i soon came to realize it was so that we could take care of his family while he was out at sea. Big mistake cause when he was home all he did was fight n argue with my dad. My dad started getting obsessed with his plants n gardening that he watered our big ass back yard n the front garden area for almost 3 hrs a day n running up the water bill. Then shit knocked us out one by one.

Feb 2015: daughter get pneumonia n had to he admitted to the hospital for 5 days with round the clock meds.

April 2015: my dad had a mild heart attack n heat stroke from being out with his plants n not resting nor taking his meds for diabetes, high blood, hypertension, n more.

May 2015: i slipped n fell at work messing up my right knee n was in a wheelchair for 3 months n crutches in between.

June 2015: i went back to work after my injury n the same day my mom had a massive stroke leaving her paralyzed on her whole right side, damaging the entire left side of her brain n compromising her speech.

I ended up quitting my job n staying home to care for her fulltime (but only got paid for business hours). Regardless of the pay i did it for her to not suffer alone in a damn nursing home like my grandmother. Little by little things changed but not for the good.

July 2015: my dad has a melt down n acted as if he ws going to hirt someone or himself. So i told my sister in le to take the kids upstairs n lock the door while me n my 5+ ur bf took care of the situation. My brother was on the phone with me during this n told me to call the cops. My dad acted like nothing was wrong n the cops said that cant take hime because basically nothing bad happened yet... smh.

I took my sister n the kids to my aunts for the weekend while my mom was still in the hospital to let things cool off in the house n family n friends were telling me that he may need mental help.. as much as i didn't want to betray my dad i had to do what was best n he agreed to do a psych evaluation. The things that cam out of his mouth was soo cold n morbid that it broke my heart knowing that he saw demon faces on his own family's faces...

He was admitted for 72 hrs but was sent back on another incident. (I kno I'm missing a lot in between but I'm just letting my fingers do the talking for me). He was evicted n homless living in his van for 2 yrs until my brother had the bright idea to sell the house n basically made it to ever man for themselves. He did me a "generous" favor of letting me n my 3 friends rent the house as tenants.

March 26th, 2017: my mom passed away the morning after I broke things off with my 5+ yr ex. I guess she was waiting for me to do that to let her kno that I ws ready to let her go.....

April 2015: I met my recent bf (who is now ... idk not apart of my life anymore i suppose) who was basically cheating on me while he was living with me because he got fed up of my trust n insecurity issues n literallysaid "fuck it.."

Before this crap with my dude, my daughter's god father (who is also my ex) got jealous n broke his lease agreement to move to Maryland. N my so called sister (my god daughter's mom) fucked me over as well by taking advantage of my generosity n kindness to get her n my god daughter off the street n in an actual home. I tried to give her another chance to be a good mom but took too much advantage of everyone. Those two got everyone evicted n not only was my dad homeless but me, my daughter n my bf for 4 months (it may not seem long but when u are going through it.. that seems like a lifetime). In that time I learned that my bf was talking inappropriately to other females n that door that was keeping the demons locked up had broken down n won't close. I ended up swinging at him on 3 different occassions n started cutting, ripping at flesh or smoking my life away slowly since.

Friday, Aug 13, 2018 we were blessed with a new home but it doesn't feel like it just yet. Stuff isn't fully unpacked cause finances are low to get a uhaul n lack of man power is making the process longer. Since the crap with my dude happened i guess he got tired of me bitching about his neglect n abuse towards me cause he really feels like he didn't do anything wrong..

It's ok.. i always turn into the bad guy when all i did was put in all my time n effort just to have it thrown back in my face...

So I'm just sitting here feeling worthless.. n wondering what the fuck to do now... i'm just soo lost... i just wana sleep n never wake up again...

[theadmiringbog]

Schools reward being a generalist. There is little recognition of student passion or expertise. The real world, however, does the reverse. Arnold, talking about the valedictorians said, “They’re extremely well rounded and successful, personally and professionally, but they’ve never been devoted to a single area in which they put all their passion. That is not usually a recipe for eminence.”

--

In his Ph.D. thesis, Mukunda applied his theory to all the U.S. presidents, evaluating which ones were filtered and which unfiltered, and whether or not they were great leaders. The results were overwhelming. His theory predicted presidential impact with an almost unheard of statistical confidence of 99 percent.

...

When I spoke to Mukunda, he said, “The difference between good leaders and great leaders is not an issue of ‘more.’ They’re fundamentally different people.”

--

“All of Silicon Valley is based on character defects that are rewarded uniquely in this system.”

- Po Bronson

--

Know thyself.

...

Many people struggle with this. They aren’t sure what their strengths are. Drucker offers a helpful definition:”What are you good at that consistently produces desired results?”

To find out what those things are, he recommends a system he calls “feedback analysis.” 

Quite simply, when you undertake a project, write down what you expect to happen, then later note the results. Over time you’ll see what you do well and what you don’t.

...

Research by Gallup shows that the more hours per day you spend doing what you’re good at, the less stressed you feel and the more you laugh, smile, and feel you’re being treated with respect.

--

The difference between the Givers who succeed and the Givers who don’t isn’t random. Adam Grant notes that totally selfless Givers exhaust themselves helping others and get exploited by Takers, leading them to perform poorly on success metrics. There are  number of things Givers can do to build limits for themselves and make sure they don’t go overboard. That two-hours-a-week volunteering? Don’t do more. Research by Sonja Lyubomirsky shows that people are happier and less stressed when they “chunk” their efforts to help others versus a relentless “sprinkling.” So by doing all their good deeds one day a week, Givers make sure assisting others doesn’t hamper their own achievements. One hundred hours a year seems to be the magic number.

Grant also points out the other ace in the hole Givers have: Matchers. They want to see good rewarded and evil punished, so Matchers go out of their way to punish Takers and protect Givers from harm. When Givers are surrounded by a coterie of Matchers, they don’t have to fear exploitation as much.

--

Don’t be envious

Life isn’t a zero-sum game. Just because someone else wins, that doesn’t mean you lose. Sometimes that person need the fruit and you need the peel. And sometimes the strategy that makes you lose small on this round makes you win big on the next.

--

Cooperate

Harvard Business School’s Deepak Malhotra number one recommendation to students is “They need to like you.” This doesn’t mean you need to give twenty-dollar bills to everyone you meet. Favors can be quite small. We also forget that something quite easy for us (a thirty-second email introduction) can have enormous payoffs for others (a new job).

--

As Adam Grant acknowledged, giving too much can lead to burnout. A mere two hours a week of helping others is enough to get maximum benefits, so there’s no need for guilt or for martyring yourself -- an no excuse for saying you don’t have time to help others.

--

David DeStenoo, head of the Social Emotions Group at Northeastern University says, “People are always trying to discern two things:

whether a potential partner can be trusted and 

whether he or she is likely to be encountered again.

Answers to those two questions, far beyond anything else, will determine what any of us will be motivated to do in the moment.”

--

“Explanatory style”: three Ps: permanence, pervasiveness, and personalization

Pessimists tell themselves that bad events

will last a long time, or forever (I’ll never get this done)

are universal (I can’t trust any of these people)

are their own fault (I’m terrible at this)

Optimists tell themselves that bad events

are temporary (That happens occaionally, but it’sn ot a big deal)

have a specific cause and aren’t universal (When the weather is better that won’t be a problem)

are not their fault (I’m goo at this, but today wsn’t my lucky day)

--

A man who becomes conscious of the responsibility he bears toward a human being who affectionately waits for him, or to an unfinished work, will never be able to throw away his life. He knows the “why” for his existence, and will be able to bear almost any “how.”

- Victor Frankl

--

“What is to give light must endure burning.” 

-- Victor Frankl

--

What’s the best predictor of your child’s emotional well-being? Researchers at Emory University found that whether a kid knew their family history was the number-one indicator.

--

It sounds morbid, but people who contemplate the end actually behave in healthier ways -- and therefore may actually live longer. It has also been shown to increase self-esteem.

--

The moral of Don Quixote: “If you want to be a knight, act like a knight.”

--

“If you are immune to boredom, there is literally nothing you cannot accomplish.”

-- David Foster Wallace

--

What all good games have in common: WNGF

Winnable

Novel challenges and Goals

provide Feedback

--

You can be sincere and score points with the boss by regularly asking how you’re doing and how can you do better. If you were the boss, and an employee regularly said, “How can I make your life easier?” what would your reaction be? Exactly.

--

“The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.”

-- Henry David Thoreau

--

Whenever you wish you had more time, more money, etc. strategic quitting is the answer.

--

We act like there are no limits. When we choose an extra hour at work, we are in effect, choosing one less hour with our kids. We can’t do it all and do it well. And there will not be more time later. Time does not equal money because we can get more money.

--

Drucker always asks: “Is this still worth doing?” And if it isn’t, he gets rid of it so as to be able to concentrate on the few tasks that, if done with excellence, will really make a difference in the results of his own job and in the performance of his organization.

--

If you practice something one hour a day, that’s 27.4 years to reach the 10,000-hour mark of expertise. But what if you quit a few less important things and made it four hours a day? Now it’s 6.8 years. 

--

There’s an easy formula that gives you an exact answer for how many dates to go on and how to pick the right person. It’s what math folks call an “optimal stopping problem.”

--

The two magic words are “if” and “then.” For any obstacle, just thinking, If X happens, I’ll handle it by doing Y makes a huge difference.

--

WOOP -- wish, outcome, obstacle, plan -- is applicable to most any of your goals, from career to relationships to exercise and weight loss.

First, you get to dream. What’s the thing you wish for?

Really crystalize it in your mind and see the outcome you desire.

Then it’s time to face reality. What obstacle is in the way? 

Then address it. What’s your plan?

--

You wanna be a real ramblin’ earth shaker? Somebody who changes the world and gets recognized in the history books? There ain’t no two ways about it; you’re gonna need a mentor.

--

You might think, “I’m just trying to explain ...” But Bernstein says this is a trap. Explaining is almost always veiled dominance. You’re not trying to educate; you’re still trying to win. The subtext is, “Here’s why I am right and you are wrong.” And that is exactly what the other side will hear no matter what you say.

--

Ask open-ended questions. Ones that start with “what” or “how” are best because it’s very hard to answer then with just yes or no.

--

Label emotions

Respond to their emotions by saying “Sounds like you’re angry” or “Sounds like this really upsets you.” Neuroscience research shows that giving a name to feelings helps reduce their intensity.

--

Make them think

Al Bernstein likes to ask “What would you like me to do?” This forces them to consider options and think instead of just vent.

--

Walter sat down and counted all the people who had helped him become a success. He would call them “my forty-four.” Forty-four people. 

--

Low self-confidence may turn you into a pessimist, but when pessimism teams-up with ambition it often produces outstanding performance. To be the very best at anything, you will need to be your harshest critic, and that is almost impossible when your starting point is high self-confidence.

-- Tomas Chamorr-Premuzic

--

Research shows increasing self-compassion has all the benefits of self-esteem -- but without the downsides. 

--

As the WSJ reports, “Those who stayed very involved in meaningful careers and worked the hardest, lived the longest.” Meaningful work means doing something that’s (a) important to you and (b) something you’re good at.

--

“Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.”

-- Mark Twain, Tom Sawyer

--

Psychologists have realized that burnout isn’t just an acute overdose of stress; it’s pretty much plain ol’ clinical depression.

--

To be really creative, you need to step out of that hyper-focused state of tension and let your mind wander.

--

You need a personal definition of success. Looking around you to see if you’re succeeding is no longer a realistic option. Trying to be a relative success compared to others is dangerous. This means your level of effort and investment is determined by theirs, which keeps you running full speed ball the time to keep up. Vaguely saying you want to “be number one” isn’t remotely practical in a global competition where others are willing to go 24/7. We wanted options and flexibility. we got them. Now there are no boundaries. You can no longer look outside yourself to determine when to stop. The world will always tell you to just keep going.

--

“Success is something you will confront constantly in business. You will always be interpreting it against something, and that something should be your own goals and purpose.”

- Ken Hakuta

--

Four metrics that matter most

Happiness: having feelings of pleasure or contentment in and about your life

Achievement: achieving accomplsihments that compare favorably against similar goals others have strived for

Significance: having a positive impact on people you care about

Legacy: establishing your values or accomplishments in ways that help others find future success

--

Maximizing is exploring all the options, weighing them, and trying to get the best. Satisficing is thinking about what you need and picking the first thing that fulfills those needs. Satisficing is living by “good enough.”

--

Ellen Galinsky did a study asking kids, “If you were granted one wish and you only have one wish that could change the way your mothers or your fathers work affects your life, what would that wish be?” Most popular answer? They wished their parents were “less stressed and less tired.

--

Write down where each hour goes as it happens. Don’t rely on your fallible memory. Do this for a week. Where are your activities taking you? Is it where you want to go? 

Note which hours are contributing to which of the big four: 

Happiness

Achievement

Significance

Legacy

--

The only way to be realistic about what you can get done in the time you have is to schedule things on a calendar instead of making an endless list.

--

At least an your a day, preferably in the morning, needs to be “protected time.”

--

What’s the most important thing to remember when it comes to success? One word: alignment.

Success is not the result of any single quality; it’s about alignment between who you are and where you choose to be. The right skill in the right role. A good person surrounded by other good people. A story that connects you with the world in a way that keeps you going. A network that helps you, and a job that leverages your natural introversion or extroversion. A level of confidence that keeps you going while learning and forgiving yourself for the inevitable failures. A balance between the big four that creates a well-rounded life with no regrets.

--

Know thyself. What are your intensifiers? Are you a Giver, a Taker, or a Matcher? Are you more introverted or more extroverted? Underconfident or overconfident? Which of the big four do you naturally fulfill an which do you consistently neglect?

--

What’s the most important type of alignment? Being connected to a group of friends and loved ones who help you become the person you want to be. Financial success is great, but to have a successful life we need happiness. Career success doesn’t always make us happy, but the research shows that happiness does bring success.

[believe-that-you-can-my-friend]

Summary: After Betty confronts her dad about Polly’s and Jason’s engagement as well as learning about the Coopers - Blossoms feud, there’s only one person that can take her mind off things. (Takes place after Betty’s and Hal’s fight and before Bughead’s scene at the Blue & Gold.)

(Taking a small break from your prompt requests to write something that stuck in my head and I had to get it out lol. I was listening to Let It All Go by Birdy feat. Rhodes and I had way too many feels so yeah... Hope you like it guys!!)

The Hitchcock blonde was once again locked in her floral pastel room that nowadays didn’t seem to match the air of depression that spread around the whole town and, most specifically, this very house. Soft music was playing in the background, the girl wanting to silence down the million thoughts that were running inside her head and suppress her still boiling anger and deep disappointment at both her parents. Usually, her mother would always win first place in the list of people Betty felt smothered by but after that evening, her dad was ranking a close second. She was at least thankful that he had the good sense to let her be, keeping himself busy in the house office downstairs for hours.

Dear Diary,

I don’t even know who my parents are anymore. How can the two people that are supposed to be everyone’s most valuable confidants in life, hide behind so many lies and weave webs of conspiracy and mystery around innocent teenage kids? How can I not know what is going on in my own house, with my own sister? They keep pushing me to drop the subject, stop snooping around and bury it all under the carpet like they did and for what? An idiotic vendetta that probably costed the life of two kids that did nothing wrong but fell in love. Why do we have to break so hard? Why does my life get to be filled with such uncertainty and fear of what the future will reveal next? I dread even to think about the obvious, I try so hard to hold my mind back, for it to not go there but it is already there and I feel scared. Sometimes I wish I was just another person, the identity of Elizabeth Cooper to not weight so much on my shoulders…”

The characteristic sound of pen against paper stopped and the red ink covered peak hovered over the rest of the empty line, Betty taking a moment to breath and slow down the gradually quicker raise and fall of her chest. One of her usual panic attacks was the last thing she needed right now, she thought and closed her eyes, dropping her head back against the wall, clutching the teal cover of her diary inside her icy cold fingers. She didn’t know how many hours had spent there, sitting on the wooden bench of her window and pouring into paper the anger and extreme sense of unfairness she felt after the fight she had hours ago with her father. But the worst of all, she felt hopeless, too small in a secret too big for her to handle, something that made her eyes whale up with tears again. She brought a palm to softly swipe the corner of her right eye in hopes of stopping the waterfalls but she failed, letting them finally be and watching as they soaked the paper in small shy droplets.

The chime of her phone had her eyes lazily turning to the side to face the machine, not in the mood of interacting with people right now. The message that brightened the screen surprised her though.

Don’t cry. Please.

Simple. Laconic. Subtle. Even without the caller ID at the top center, Betty would have known instantly that this was Jughead Jones.

Her perfectly shaped eyebrows frowned as she reread the two words, the girl not quite understanding the hidden message behind them. How could he possibly know that she was a mess of salty tears so for him to advise her to stop? Yes, they had grown impossibly close those last few weeks but, in case he hadn’t installed secret cameras to spy on her in her bedroom, Betty knew she and her nowadays favorite person hadn’t yet reached such telepathic level of connection. So she typed a very intellectual response back – a simple idiotic what? – and waited for his answer.

It came in barely a second. Look up. Betty read and did as she was instructed to, raising her eyes to Archie’s window, only for her to find a familiar face but not her redheaded friend, as always. There, on the same position as her only on reverse angle, was the raven haired boy she had bonded once again overnight, bony legs bended at the knees in order for him to fit in the small space of Archie’s window bench and laptop as usual on his lap. The blonde felt her chest a tad lighter at the sight of him and his lovely baby blues soft upon her.

He tapped the window lightly with the corner of his phone and then pointed at it, Betty snapping her head down to look at her own phone, realizing that she had another text.

I knew Thornhill was a bad idea; way too much of a morbid Goth scene for your taste. She read and shook her head lightly to rearrange her thoughts, before sending back the question of the hour.

How come you are writing at Archie’s? She was perplexed; anytime Jughead wanted to write he would either be somewhere alone or hidden at his usual booth at Pop’s. She was sitting face to face with the window now, cross-legged and focused on the boy across her.

Didn’t feel like going home so I dropped by. Archiekins isn’t here so I had to occupy myself with something. He pressed sent and felt immediately a pinch of guilt at lying to her. He didn’t have a home to go to and Pop’s was usually way too crowded at this hour. So instead of wandering around like a stray, although he very much was, Jughead had decided to stay in the shelter of the Andrews’ household, even without his friend and even if it was for only a couple of hours.

He had been minding his own business for half an hour or so, typing away every ounce of imagination that was lingering in his brilliant head of his, but once he had took a breath to think, his eyes caught a glimpse of his blonde muse writing in that diary of hers. She had discarded her black dress and was now in some grey and pink baseball tee along with some stripped shorts that gave him a nice view of her bare legs. Her hair was down and slightly damp after some shower, he had guessed, her whole look comfy and very much approved by Jughead, because even though he liked her in anything, he didn’t think black was her color; it shaded her beauty and such beauty wasn’t meant to be shaded by anything. Even more so, by the tears that had been running hot down her eyes. That’s what he had made him take action.

And now that he saw her not even flinching at the ridiculous nickname Veronica had established for the ginger amongst their small group, he knew things were bad. Betty always used to snort a laugh whenever someone called him that.

If you’re still freaked out by that crazy old grandma, I’m totally there with you. THE HORROR! He tried to lighten the mood but he saw her through the window shake her head no while typing.

Learnt some things from my dad… I wish I didn’t though… the blue bubble joined the rest on their otherwise carefree personal chat, consisting of questions about the Blue & Gold or simple plans to meet. It was her time to look at him through the glass and find him biting his lip, thumps hovering over the letters in hesitation.

About Polly and Jason? He wanted to make sure.

Yeah… And the Blossoms in general, my family, our mess of a life, the list goes on. Betty pressed the buttons furiously and Jughead could sense her sadness upon reading the words a second later.

Do you wanna talk about it? Came his immediate text that hit Betty with realization, like a gunshot in her heart. Her head shot up in despair, frizzy golden locks bouncing, and she caught him already looking at her, frown intact and sizing the situation. Heavy tears built again at the corner of her eyes and she let them fall with a heavy sigh and a deep, sad frown, nodding her head vigorously, because, yes, she was so desperate to talk to somebody, to let it all out of her chest, to find somebody that would listen and not judge or stop valuing her as a person and she knew that somebody was no one more perfect than the guy across her with the heart of gold.

Jughead’s said heart just broke at the sight of her, mesmerized by the fact that she had so much on her plate but still stubbornly continued to put on a brave face so not to flaw her seemingly perfect image. If it wasn’t for him invading her personal space with his curious eyes, this breakdown would have stayed behind closed doors, and this spread a veil of sadness over his heart for the blonde beauty that felt so alone. His bony fingers shot up to dance lightly over the cold glass of his window, like he was trying to reach out and touch her, console her and take away some of her pain and his frown deepened once she offered him a look under her wet eyelashes before returning to her phone with a pout.

I can’t talk through the phone. Can you be at the Blue & Gold tomorrow before school? The chime of his phone surprised him because when he was looking at Betty Cooper it seemed everything around him was put on mute and he scanned the text before typing back quickly.

I can come over now, if you want. Jughead offered, not wanting to intrude, but letting her know that he was there if she needed him to.

Betty swiped her cheeks with the back of her palm to shake away their wetness. Thank you Juggie, but I think I need to be alone for a while… she raised her eyes apologetically to him, once sending her answer. She saw him frown in what seemed like disappointment.

Okay… was all she got back and she feared that she had said something wrong before the phone vibrated again inside her hands.

I know I’m not really Archie or Trevor but, for you, I’m always a good listener… Jughead typed with a pinch of jealousy, still not over the fact that Betty had been on a date with some random guy some days ago. He knew he was the farthest thing of an option Betty would ever consider and he wouldn’t help but beat himself up for it.

Betty sighed, dropping her temple to rest on the cold glass, taking in his text. How could he not see how much of an amazing guy he was and that it was him that she was running to every time?

You know, you are my number one guy right now. She replied and bit her lip upon waiting for his reaction, Jughead letting a shy smile at the text before looking up at her, Betty giving him an equal shy look under her eyelashes that forced his heart to do a foreign flippy-over thing.

Then please can you stop the waterfalls for me? He was quick with his reply. He could stand anything; but the sight of her breathtaking eyes turning glassy was his personal Achilles’ heel.

Betty just nodded from across him, the scenery around them turning a tad darker as the day was coming to its dusk. They just stood there staring at each other for some minutes, Jughead’s blue eyes holding such intensity that Betty caught herself sighing at the tingling feeling inside her. She saw him letting a heavy sigh too at all the foreign feelings the blonde beauty was making him experience, and for some reason she dropped her eyes, their stare off turning too much for her to handle.

And if you want a good laugh, just picture me again with the hideous suit I was wearing earlier. Quality comedy material. Another text came and she snorted a small laugh at that, Jughead sporting a pleased grin upon seeing her reaction.

Well, honestly, you cleaned up pretty nicely. She complimented him and her blue-greenish eyes wandered over his slender figure across her, still clad in his black pants and white dress shirt but having the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and the two buttons popped open, Betty’s cheeks suddenly heating up at the sight of his lean torso in that form fitting shirt and the veins of his forearms deliciously exposed. Right now he actually looked way more than nice, she thought naughtily.

Lies. Was his immediate response and she rolled her eyes. Are you absolutely sure you don’t want me to come over? He sent a second text, wanting to make sure that she was going to be ok.

I’m Elizabeth Cooper; I’ll be fine. Tomorrow. Jughead read and saw her nodding once with her head held high. He knew that she would be fine, she had so much fire inside of her, but still he didn’t want to feel that she was destined to always be on her own.

He gave her a wink in confirmation about their morning rendezvous and a nod himself before leaning more towards the glass, exhaling against it to create a foggy cloud before writing with his pointer, need a smile. Betty shook her head in disbelief at him and his amazing personality, cracking a small smile and fighting back the need to make it bigger because of how he was making her feel right now. Jughead shook his head unsatisfied and fogged the window again; that’s not a smile Bets, he wrote this time. And Betty gave him her wide dashing smile that never failed to put him in a good mood, because at this point she was just a sucker for him, just like he was for her.

Thank you, she mouthed and did the thing that would keep Jughead sleepless again at night; she pressed her face to the window and, puckering her always delicious lips, she left a lovely kiss against the cold glass for him and only him to deliver.

Jughead just stayed there awestruck, in a mess of unknown feels and needs, mouth hanging lightly open in wonder. Goodnight, he managed to stutter and she offered a goodnight back and a lopsided smirk before they both went back to their previous tasks, him typing away and her focusing back on her diary with a lighter heart.

Turning the page, she started on a new one, writing in hot red calligraphic letters.

Dear Diary,

There is not only chaos in my life. In the mist of it all, there is this lost boy with the baby blue eyes, my personal beacon of hope, Jughead Jones…

[regulusfilliusinxomine]

Tykath

Over two thousand words written over a couple of days. I wonder if you can tell that I like this pair.

who hogs the duvet: Drakath by a long shot. It’s what he used to doas a child, alone, and with Ty. It doesn’t matter much to Ty, who tends tosleep on top of the sheets through summers and winters. They stick to eachother so closely when they sleep so it hardly makes a difference even though Typokes fun at Drakath for wrapping himself up like an infant.

who texts/rings to check how their day is going: Though Ty does check in withDrakath every once and a while, it’s the Prince who does so every half hour tohour. Most times he will disguise the clinginess with complaints about his ownday or some random comment about how he saw an ugly dog Ty would take a likingtoo. One, it helps him figure out where Ty is since she goes off to doinscrutable things for inscrutable reasons and two, he’s very happy to havesomeone who listens to him seriously and enjoys doing so.

who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts:While Drakath doescome up with things that have more than just material value, Ty is the one whocan make grand gestures with small items. Or very heartfelt sentiments held inmorbid ideas. I’m iffy on it but I think Ty has an ability that helps herunderstand what people want and if it’s Drakath, he’s a book she’s read backand forth daily. Perhaps she’d splice some plants together and make a weed in hishonor, spreading it everywhere he’d have a little of everything the seedstouch. “And I’ll see you no matter where you are.” Definitely a heart-stopper,that girl. Kind of sappy but Drakath loves that and would admit it into thehands he masks his face with.

who gets up first in the morning: I think Ty is the night owl andmorning curser so it’s Drakath. It’s probably ingrained in his routine, stuckthere from royalty to rags. It’s actually annoying to Drakath, having to getready first while Ty snoozes until noon rolls around or until Drakath whineshard enough. After a while, it’s Drakath that becomes the problem and the reasonfor that is a couple points down.

who suggests new things in bed: By the longest shot, it’s Ty. Sure,Drakath has had a few adventurous rolls on the sheets with some hired help butwould squeal if they tried butt things with him. With Ty, Drakath could be goingabout his day and suddenly freeze, flashing back to the amazing and unthinkable thingsthat happened the night before. Waving a hand in front of his face doesn’twork. Snapping your fingers next to his ears does, since that definitely isn’twhat Ty whispering to him sounds like.

who cries at movies: I am firmly in love with the idea ofDrakath as a tsundere. And even if a movie doesn’t affect him at all, any moviewill affect Ty. Good, bad, so bad that it’s god, Ty is very into the storiesshe reads and watches, I feel. Drakath is the one, leaning on the arm of thesofa, scoffing or cringing at gruesome scenes. The real show for him is Ty onthe edge of her seat, laughing, or sobbing. Sadly, no horror movie has gottenher to hide in his arms (it’s the other way around).

who gives unprompted massages: Ty, all the time. She loves havingher hands on her favorite person and boy does it make Drakath feel his best.Though when he’s down and doesn’t notice, Ty giving his shoulders a squeezehelps him come back. Well, he’s tried but he gets embarrassed. Plus, it’s whatservant’s do! Except Ty. She’s the exception to everything, which means shegets those rare unprompted massages if she manages to bite down and not commenton it.

who fusses over the other when they’re sick: Drakath by far fusses madly over Tywhen she gets sick. Because she never gets sick. She’s so irritating that evendiseases have come to avoid her. What’s a cold to a vicious monster than canstep on an undead behemoth and not notice? So when Ty does get weakened byillness, it must be serious and Drakath mustbe by her side at all times. Most times, he gets sick himself being closeto Ty. Sure Ty indeed gets worried when Drakath falls ill, especially so whenit’s a particularly bad ailment. But the level of worry matches the level ofseverity. It’s always a code red emergency, all hands on deck, securitymeasures at peak even if Ty has a flu. “You’re in that mud puddle of a town allthe time! If you don’t get sick just from a day there, then this must beserious!” “Drakath, Falconreach isn’t a Pig Sty.”

who gets jealous easiest: An insanely difficult question. Thegeneral feel of them both is that they’d react violently and swiftly whensomeone is on the end of some serious doting by their significant other. Withsmaller infractions however, Drakath would notice and give Ty an earful. Atworst, he attempts to get rid of his competition. On the other hand, Ty doesn’tget uppity over Drakath making small talk. Something very serious and she stillsays nothing but she does everything in her power to destroy her competitionfrom top to bottom. Then again, if she found that Drakath was genuinely happywith someone else, she would bow her head and step back. Not a chance withDrakath. If taken to the extreme, he will do just as bad as Ty. Alright, I mayhave answered the question through rambling on so there you have it.

who has the most embarrassing taste in music: I would have definitely answeredwith Drakath had I not taken a look at the AQ forums way back when. Falerinmade a small post of dialogue to come, that’s still coming actually, andDrakath was looking at a portrait of an ancestor and called him a ‘fop’ basedon his style. So maybe the Prince does have an eye for fads or at least, doesn’tcare for that kind of look. He does seem the type to be snobbish about tastesin a sense. As in “I know what real musicis” and he puts on some classical stuff. I have no idea what Ty enjoys withmusic. Actually, was it jazz? I think it was jazz and jazz is always nice.

who collects something unusual: Not something that immediately hadan answer so I was about to say neither but I remember Ty made sketches. Lotsand lots of sketches, of what was noticeable. Usually things with a heartbeatso everything with some plants. That might count as a collection. To a lesserextent, I think Drakath steals and collects royal heirlooms that get shippedaway from Swordhaven but that’s more of a pride thing than a hobby.

who takes the longest to get ready: Ty wakes up later or way way way later but it’s Drakath that keepsthem stuck inside till the very last minute. She takes half an hour at most tobrush her teeth, brush her hair, and smack on a tiny bit of foundation if it’sa special day. Then, Ty sits down, cracks open a book, maybe fixes a snack andnods every time Drakath runs over to ask her about how he looks.

who is the most tidy and organized: From the looks of it, Drakath. Ty’sroom is a mess of sketches and descriptions to go with them. There aren’tpiles. The room is just flooded. The Prince has the usual strictness expectedfrom someone raised as a noble and Ty’s a slob. But Ty does find things in herroom faster than Drakath can in his. It absolutely mystifies him. Ty’s cheatingthough. I have an inkling that if Ty really wants something, she always has anidea of where it is.

who gets most excited about the holidays: It’s Ty who enjoys holidays, kickingher legs as she sits and things about the sweets that come with thefestivities. If Drakath had to get involved with festivities, it’s too muchwork for something frivolous to him, especially those peasant traditions. He willgo along if Ty is there, since it makes these tedious things somewhat moreenjoyable.

who is the big spoon/little spoon: Drakath and Ty monopolize each otherso much that it’s annoying to other people. They hug each other face to facemost times and it’s most comfortable like this. If one goes to sleep earlierthan the other, then the last one in gets the prestige of being the biggerspoon. So almost always Ty.

who gets most competitive when playing gamesand/or sports: They’reboth incredibly competitive, especially when they’re against each other. Tynever goes easy on Drakath unless she’s teaching him something. Even if shedid, Drakath would be furious when he figures out that she let him win. Samevice versa, Ty hardly wins a chess match against Drakath. I wouldn’t think she’dcare until Drakath played against her. I may go with Ty being more competitive,as crazy as it sounds. The reasoning is that Drakath would denounce his loss asa fluke or accuse his opponent of cheating. “Impossible” is one of his favoritewords after all. On Ty’s side, she applies herself immediately, reading up onchess strategies and card game tips.

who starts the most arguments: Drakath loves to fight over anylittle thing and Ty just rolls it off her shoulders, turning all these smallarguments into banter. It’s actually very good that Drakath starts arguments toget problems out into light since I think Ty keeps quiet about things botheringher until she pops. When he gets them out early, there’s more damage control.Otherwise, the bickering is on the light side, even when Ty starts something. Thinksomething, and I’m getting kind of weab-y here, along the lines of the episodeof Shokugeki no Soma when Alice fought with her “dog” after he had a match withSoma and Akira. Darn, I don’t remember any gif posts of that but it had somereal Tykath vibes.

who suggests that they buy a pet: “Drakath, I want to adopt a dog!” “Youalready have Ash!” Joking aside, Ty definitely. I doubt Drakath would like amongrel or a fleabag under the same roof as him. In fact, he might get jealousof pets taking attention away from him. Pffft, Ty throws a ball and Drakathraces with the dog to get it. Pride? Nobility? Comes after beating the dog athis own game, ha! (also a joke).

what couple traditions they have: Hard to think of many but one is anidea that stuck out in my mind for a while. Since Ty is afraid of being in naturalbodies of water, fearing what might lurk underneath innocent waves, she andDrakath hold hands tightly crossing bridges, being on boats, that sort ofthing. Drakath loves it, being the tough guy of the pair.

what tv shows they watch together: Chopped so Ty can actually cookwithout worrying over the fine details and absolutely not Game of Thronesbecause Drakath will get some bad memories lifted up. Joking! But this is kindof hard. Um….something vapid like reality TV because Ty thinks the drama isfunny and Drakath gets a snort out of how peasants live? Otherwise, anythingsince Ty gets engrossed into stories.

what other couple they hang out with: Who would want to be anywhere within20 feet of Drakath? Ty can come but please leave the leech on your neck athome. Speaking seriously, maybe Nythera and her s/o if Drakath plays nice sinceit doesn’t seem like Nythera is that invested in old human history and has agood connection to Ty. Actually, Ryunn and Tomix? Just to see how that’d turnout? I want hijinks!

how they spend time together as a couple: Well, after this splurge of info,what don’t they do as a couple? Going out, staying in, traveling, working, it’shard to pick out specific things that aren’t umbrella terms. They’re enemies,to best friends and lovers. That’s the best way to put it even though I reallywanted to give definitive examples but I feel as though that would simplifythat too much.

who made the first move: If we look to Double Edged, itappears that Ty was the one but she does that with everyone without an ounce ofseriousness. It was Drakath that made the first leap into very seriouslydeclaring his intent to tie himself to Ty.

who brings flowers home: Ty and she grows them too. It pissedDrakath off to heck when she kept doing that. I remember a scene where he grabsit out of her hands and tries to strike her with it. That ended up puttingpetals in her hair and she gave a good giggle at his attempt and it melted himinto fuming magma. Once they’re together, Ty just likes having flowers in theirhome or just plain grows them, always offering them to Drakath.

who is the best cook: Drakath, not by choice. Rather bynecessity. Ty can cook and has the potential to cook wonderfully. Too bad she’safraid of poisoning and killing the people who eat her food so she cooks meattill its grey. If Drakath wants to not eat sand flavored dinners, he’s going tohave to do it himself. He does mess up a little since Ty likes watching him. 

[scriptshrink]

A Day in The Life of My ADHD Brain

LOL. J/K Let me tell you one thing about having a non-linear neuro-type. Every day is different. Some days, you’re on top of the world, ma! You have superpowers! Legit. And other days those same functions that made you feel so AMAZING yesterday, have turned on you and you feel so incapacitated you might as well be hooked up to a ventilator. My brain moves hella fast so sometimes I seem like I’m rambling, but truth is I’ve skipped a few steps in the physical world, so bear with me. You’ll probably notice this post jumps around- and I’ve left it a bit like that to show you what my brain is like. Enjoy. (I have edited it to make it slightly more readable.)

Hi, I’m a 24 year old female with combined ADHD. This means I have both inattentive and hyperactive- impulsive traits. And it’s a toss up what wins out what days. My general symptoms are hyper/hypofocus,(That toss up I was talking about) impulsive actions, difficulty keeping track of time and everything else, and a VERY overactive mind which leads to insomnia. I have co-morbid LD of dyscalcula(dyslexia with numbers) and dysgraphia(difficulties with writing), both of which were only diagnosed in me recently. I combat the dyscalcula by avoiding numbers at all costs and dysgraphia by becoming a writer(LOL). Music with lyrics actually helps me translate from thinking to writing quite a bit, and typing is easier than handwriting(also you can’t see how often I messed up. Typing this post has been nuts. So many spelling errors.). I have my own systems for organizing that drive others mad, but make perfect sense to me. I am currently going to weekly therapy with a clinical psychologist to discuss how I did through out the week and come up with plans for basic life coping. I personally do not medicate, and I hated every minute I was on it as a kid. I don’t recommend it for everyone- it takes a near insane level of stubbornness to make it through the world armed only with coping mechanisms- but more on that later. Resources that have helped me monumentally are ADDitude Magazine and Dr. Lynn Weiss’ book ADD in Adults. It’s an incredibly empowering book for people who have been told since childhood that they are broken in some way. She uses ADD to cover both ADD and ADHD so don’t worry about the differences in the title. She defines it as a non linear brainstyle that you need to learn how to use to your advantage in a world that works in a linear way. By linear and non linear I have come to understand it as linear thinks in progression from A all the way to Z like you sing the song. Non linear will jump from A to M and then maybe D before going to B. Or even start from Q and then go to B, then L before going to A. It’s simply how our brains work, and being forced to think linearly causes some significant distress, as I can imagine you being forced to think in such a “scattered/disordered” way would stress you out. It’s just different, not necessarily bad. Because of this view, she also includes that this is the reason why other cultures don’t even consider ADHD/ADD as a thing, the biggest part of the disorder from her view is when you don’t know how to use your brain because you’ve been taught otherwise. I highly suggest this book for reading if you want to write an ADHD character. I am currently learning how to properly harness my brain.

 ADHD as an adult is weird. Some people do grow out of their symptoms, but if you’re like me, it persists into adulthood, and it gets weird, because now you’re fully formed and conscious of how your brain is messing with you.

I generally swing between hyperfocus and … not. The best term I’ve found for it is hypofocus, but it’s not generally accepted. I like omnifocus but that’s a computer processor so I will describe it: Imagine you’re in a room. A really big room filled with stuff. Like couches and tables and lamps and speakers and rugs and maybe a dog. Nice room, right? Now fill that room to full capacity. Say it’s a party. You have a birds eye view of that party and now, you see everything. Everything. That guy picking his nose, the lint falling from that lady’s dress. A lot of people wearing green tonight. Another lady’s hair is falling out of her pony tail, she messes with it. Someone just tripped over the dog. Something got thrown across the room. You hear everything. The dog yelping and that guy swearing. The six conversations going on around you at once, every word coming in and you pick up the individual words. The thunk of that thrown thing as it hits the wall. And you smell everything. All the food, the beer, that guy who farted, the dog. And you can feel the fibers in your shirt. Every seam, the hairs pulling from your scalp and the ones that flip back around and itch and stab and how soft your shirt is and your left foot is chilled from the door opening but your arms are too hot because you never took off your jacket and it is starting to weigh a lot–

You get the point. All of that all at once. You notice too much, your amygdala stops filtering and your poor brain is trying to consciously process it all while also keeping you upright and breathing and interacting. Luckily this isn’t a constant state for me, it only happens on occasion. When it hits it helps me to do only one thing at a time. (Which is why I chose a job that allows me to do so. I am a massage therapist who works with injury rehab.) Breathing exercises help center me long enough for me to get to a place where I can hide for a moment and ground myself out, usually by bi-lateral stimulation and breathing. Reading also helps. If I don’t manage these attacks I can end up a sobbing mess in a corner because I’m just so overwhelmed. 

Hyperfocus is when I start doing one thing and the whole world just. stops. It’s like when normal brains get into the flow but on ALL the steroids. Someone could die screaming in front of me and I wouldn’t know. My hyperfocus also comes out in a sort of obsessive compulsive way- note: I have not been formally diagnosed obsessive compulsive(though it can be co-morbid with ADHD), so don’t take this as gospel. I get VERY fixated on one thing, be it a physical/emotional feeling or situation. I can’t move on from it- in the moment that thing is ALL THAT MATTERS. It really affects relationships because if I’m upset about something, my brain will treat it as “this is life, there’s nothing else, you’re doomed.” As a result I can get easily depressed- sometimes scary depressed. I have had to contact a suicide hotline more than once over something neuro-typicals would consider a small event.  It goes similar for a happy feeling- you’ve always felt this good! Nothing bad could happen or will happen. Life is Good™. So when something bad does happen, you can crash hard because you just didn’t see it coming. Not to say this is everyday life- these things happen when I am not managing my brain well. Most days you wouldn’t even consider that I could go to these extremes. When it comes to the physical world I get very attached to a specific texture or sound. I even crave certain stimulation at times. Due to poor impulse control I can actually OVER stimulate myself and cause myself an anxiety crash. I will repeat an action over and over and over again, or just fidget. I am never still. Never. I believe this is called Stimming- I know it is more associated with Autism, but is absolutely prevalent in ADHD. Meditation helps me control this, but actually getting to the point of sitting still for meditation is crazy hard. Moving meditations such as yoga or walking are helpful. I really love bi-lateral tapping because it allows me to channel my fidgeting into something anxiety reducing, instead of increasing.

As an adult I have learned to harness the mental energy I get from both hyper/hypofocus and sort of combine them in a way that allows me to notice everything, but still be conscious enough to process and get everything done. It’s definitely playing with fire- I run the risk of physically missing steps because my brain is moving too fast for my body to follow, or spiraling onto either end of the spectrum. When it goes right I get this sort of high- you feel like the freaking fastest, smartest, most efficient you’ve ever been in your LIFE. Hubris for the WIN.

I often forget what I’m saying as I’m saying it because my brain has already moved on. This results in word mixing or switching topics halfway through a sentence or discussion. (I know this doesn’t make for ‘good’ reading, but I’d love to see it normalized, instead of stigmatized. It can get to a point of being a speech impediment.) If I don’t make a to do list, I will completely forget to do something, even simple stuff like eating or showering. Sometimes I think less time has passed than in reality, or vice versa. These things make keeping a consistent schedule a struggle, because I don’t have innate mental cues to go off of. I have to watch the clock like a person obsessed because a hour could pass with me thinking it’s five minutes, or it could be the opposite. I can’t get a ‘feel’ on time passing. I typically have to spend some time before bed telling myself and my husband what I need to get done tomorrow so I can cement it into a long term memory rather than just a working memory. Memory recall is a tricky thing, depending on what part of my memory it is stored in. Either I can remember a frightening amount of detail, or nothing at all. I have to deem something of having importance before it gets quick recall.

BUT! Conversely, I can remember a LOT. I have often been referred to as a walking encyclopedia of weird. I spend a lot of time pouring over things I find interesting and can recall it perfectly for years. I’m that pretty classic example of someone spouting random facts at odd times. Think Mr. Vincent Nigel-Murray from Bones. This goes in tandem with the most interesting/awesome/frustrating part of how fast my brain will work. I can put things together faster than most people simply because I’m on fast forward(also impatient. I just need it to get done.) My brain will make leaps and jumps that others might not. Long winded, round about people drive. me. nuts. I want quick and concise up front and leave it up to me if I feel I need more details. I’ll usually extrapolate the details myself. However, you must be direct. Allegory or metaphor only confuses me because there is simply too much for me to draw from it to really understand what it is you want. (Unless all the things are the point.) Every once in a while I go too fast and miss something, but I’ve gotten better over the years. So even if I’m not actually smart by some standards, I can at least come across as very smart by quick in, scramble, add detail, and put out.

My mornings consist of struggling to get out of bed, coffee or green tea to start the day, with the mantra of “a cup of coffee is not breakfast”. Then I usually do some bi-lateral stimulation to help keep my brain from racing too fast, which can result in anxiety. I also have an app that uses visual and auditory bi-lateral stim known as EDMR. I have to watch my diet closely, as I’m in the school of thought that my diet affects how my brain works. I tend to eat high in protein and fats to fuel my brain, I think my brain uses a lot more than that standard 20% of energy your body produces. Amino acids are also central to my diet, especially Omega 3s. Lots and lots of eggs, fish, poultry, and legumes for this girl. My grains of choice tend towards rices and quinoa. We use whole grain breads and tend towards more astringent vegetables. I have to avoid sugary/super salty things because I can easily become hooked in a cycle of only pursuing it like a heroin addict. Starches, chewy foods and soda are my ultimate vice. I usually chug water like crazy.

Some days I have to remind myself what social rules are, or even just remember to interact with people at all. Because of my impulsiveness I say what’s on my mind and have to have a conscious filter. I usually swear like a sailor. I usually come across as pretty blunt. Socializing has been a bane my whole life- I had to teach myself social rules the way other people learn steps to a dance or math problem- I just don’t connect them subconsciously. Social niceties are a consciously practiced thing and I feel really proud when I remember. Just talking with people sometimes is hard because you’re either far away mentally or everything is just– blank. How do I small talk? What is relating to people? What is the socially correct way to respond to this? Sometimes there are just no words.

Impulsive tendencies are the hardest because your fast thinking brain has already rationalized the decision or action you are about to take before the rest of the world is even aware that it’s an option. Long painful decisions feel like a waste of time to me. Sometimes it works out and you’re the quick witted genius, and other times you end up smacking someone in the face. Or your own face. Clumsy is my middle name(no it’s not). Once I also get something that feeds that reward system I have a hard time stopping myself- this goes back to repetitive motions, overindulging in foods or playing Harvest Moon for three weeks straight without remembering to sleep or shower. Yum. 

Motivation is a tricky thing with my brain. I’m very slow to start in on projects- especially mundane things like cleaning or taxes. I have to set a schedule for it and then talk myself up to it. I often wish I had a buddy who I could pay to nag me into doing things all the time. Lot’s of ADHD peeps find apps that help them remember to do things, but I’m way too good at going, “EH.” and not doing it anyways. My parents tried everything on me as a kid- punishment like removing a computer or sending me to sit in a corner did little- I just found something else to do or daydream- and bribery didn’t work either. As I see it, if I didn’t need it before doing the thing, I certainly didn’t need it just because I did the thing. Earning money as an adult results in a lot of the same. Survival instinct and gentle reminders from my husband keep me remembering why I need to actually make money. If it was up to my shitty sense of compensation, I’d be doing only what I want when I want and to hell with if I make anything for it. Lack of motivation can spread to taking care of myself as well- I can procrastinate eating or scheduling an appointment for unhealthy amounts of time simply because I have prioritized organizing my closet or writing my story as more important at the moment. I put off getting my wisdom teeth out for five months- even though it was hitting my trigeminal nerve- simply because I was in the middle of doing something at the time it hit me.

My symptoms are better when I am able to sleep early, but more often than not I do not get to sleep until after midnight and am up around seven or eight. I usually wake up at least once or twice in the night regardless of when I fell asleep. My nervous system is reversed, so calming teas or sleeping pills usually have little to no effect, to sometimes making my insomnia worse. (Rockstar energy drinks can get me hyped, but others like Monster or even Mountain Dew will put me to sleep I still get an erratic heart rate and accompanying anxiety/nausea on occasion. I have to be careful about when I have my caffeine intake and what I take it with. I can completely crash without notice if I don’t. Sometimes that morning cup of coffee turns on me.)

Like I said in the beginning, nothing is consistent in my brain- every day is something new to tackle and some new way of how my brain is looking at the world. Honestly, between what I have experienced and what I have read and heard from Autistic friends, I find A LOT of similarities between my ADHD and Autism. They are different though. I’m not the best one to define exactly what is different physiologically and how it manifests, and I definitely have never been considered to be on the spectrum, but it’s interesting to think about.

Now, it seems like a lot of this post is how my brain makes life hard, so Imma list a few things on how all these traits make a POSITIVE impact on me as a person in a clearer way: I am a very creative problem solver, and can reach conclusions faster than others; I extrapolate information quickly and efficiently, so I can see past surface issues; my omnifocus helps me notice things others have missed, which helps me solve those problems or find lost things; I see things different so I can be fucking hilarious; I often have high energy and plenty to give to others, I’m very empathetic, and am great to come to when you’re feeling down and out; I’m completely open about everything, I don’t see the point in secrets(unless you have specifically told me not to tell others. Then it goes in The Vault™ .) I am also instinctively honest- I have to plan ahead if I’m going to lie, and then it’s a lot of effort, so I am very trustworthy; I don’t hold grudges or hate you for past actions. There’s no point if that doesn’t exist anymore, right? I’m hyper analytical and quick thinking, so I’m hard to trick. Conversely, I am also crazy trusting- I have an honest hard time believing people can be malicious when I’m not actively being messed with, even after the event is over I will still trust someone because I have straight up forgiven and forgotten. I can learn a lot of very varied things, am multi disciplined, I also learn scary fast(unless it’s maths). Surprisingly, my pattern recognition is awesome(unless numbers). I tend to be very down to earth. I only do things because I want to- I am never pressured into doing things I don’t want to do- I’ll FIGHT YOU if I have to, which is another reason I am hard to take advantage of. We ADHD people often have the biggest damn hearts- we’ll sit down and cry with a complete stranger if they need crying with. When I do get things done, I get them done FAST. Cuz ain’t nobody got time fo’ that.

That should be all, I think! If you have any questions about what life with my LD is like or any further questions about what my brain is like, if you want info on what being a kid with ADHD was like, feel free to ask away! I’d love to see more complex ADHD characters in stories, especially females acknowledged as having ADHD. It absolutely is NOT just a male neuro-type, and is not just hyperactive/disruptive kids. (I really love all the Percy Jackson series books- they were just as empowering as Uncle Rick intended them to be, but I do feel he didn’t quite portray ADD/ADHD properly, especially in later books.) While we are defined as having a ‘disorder’, and some days are a struggle, I genuinely think that I am better for having my brain this way and wouldn’t change it for anything, and want the world to see how badass we can be.

I thought Daisy Wick from Bones is in my opinion a GREAT example of a female with adult ADHD in tv- her whole arc and how the other characters interacted with her included. I felt it really reflected my own experiences. 

[intergalacticrp]

NAME :// QROW BRANWEN ORIGIN :// RWBY AGE :// FORTY-FOUR JOB :// PROFESSOR OF CRIMINAL JUSTICE FC :// JOHN CHO

I thought I saw the devil, this morning, looking in the mirror, drop of rum on my tongue          With the warning to help me see myself clearer               I never meant to start a fire, I never meant to make you bleed,                     I’ll be a better man today

BIOGRAPHY ://

Booze laced veins and memories better left forgotten, like an old dog he nurses his wounds. Puddles never form in the bags under his eyes, though this is only because he refuses to think back. Refuses to remember. He has long given up thinking that he can change the past and is too far gone to think that he can change the future. Misfortune granted to anything that he dared to touch, dared to hold. Tragedy and hardship plagued the man who only ever wanted to help.

Well. that’s not completely true. At a young age, he was sent hand in hand with his sister to find answers to questions that weren’t his to ask, enemy territory too well known for someone who was considered by many to still be a child. Qrow hardened himself in order not to falter. But it was here that he found his friends, that he found his team. Summer, Taiyang, Qrow and Raven, training side by side. As the days went on, it started to feel less and less like enemy territory and more and more like home.

Graduation came and devastation reigned; not the next day the four of them journeying out into the world to fight together as one. That was their place, as it always had been, the field proving to be no tougher than what Raven and Qrow had faced in the past. Grimm were plentiful, but they kept the borders safe, and they had each other’s backs. Everything was going to plan, the only hiccup being that Raven wanted to return to their clan. Qrow did not share this sentiment. Weekly hushed debates transpired, Qrow almost always convincing his sister that they weren’t done with their mission yet.

They both knew that was a lie. Their mission had ended the moment that graduation passed, but months had come and gone since that date. More continued to pass and Raven’s stomach started to round, their temporary situation becoming something more permanent. Qrow was happy here and when Yang’s cry first pierced the air, Qrow knew that he would do anything in his power to protect her. With that being said, he also knew the adversity that followed him and his name, so he kept his space as the caring but aloof uncle.

If only he had been able to maintain that platonic level of relationship with everyone that was important to him.

Summer. She was warm like a mid July breeze, smile infectious and a love for cookies and spring that could be rivaled by no other. She spoke to him in rivers and mountains, promised of a future and he gave everything to her. His heart. His soul. A child. Yang would always hold a special place in his heart, but everything changed when Ruby came to him. Qrow never thought that he would be lucky enough to have something so beautiful, so pure. A family to call his own.

The universe stuck him with the raw deal, and Qrow knew that his relation with the child was going to get her killed it he wasn’t careful. By the gods, when he held her… It was with careful consideration that he passed on the role of fathership to Taiyang, something that he has simultaneously blessed and never forgiven himself for. The girl is better of in his care, that is obvious to Qrow, and Ruby and Yang would always have one another, it gave Ruby something that he would never be able to give her.

Stability.

No matter how long he stayed in one place, there was always the itch. The one that told him that he was better off in the field, that he was better of being useful somewhere than to try to give himself a small square to piss in. So he did what he had to do.

The only saving grace was that the little bundle of joy, his Ruby, his precious gem, took Summer’s last name. It was almost like she had no father at all. Only it wasn’t like that at all because Tai wasn’t going to let a girl go through life without a father.

The days became shorter in the absence of Summer, though he did still come to visit the girls as an uncle figure, he could never look at the woman that he loved the same way again. Not without fear of being figured out by the daughter that so lovingly called him uncle.

When Raven left, he thought that was going to be the end of the friendships that he had worked so long to uphold. He never thought that she would just abandon them like that, abandon Qrow, abandon Yang. No one had seen her leave that day, but Qrow was almost positive as to where she went. He was never going to go after her. Too proud, too tired and more than that, he was angry. It poured into him like a lava that scorched everything that it touched, how dare she. She had everything that he had wanted, a family that she could call her own, but she had felt the same itch that he had and how angry could he really be?

Apparently the answer to that question was irate.

He was there the day that it happened. The day that it all fell apart. It would have been different if Raven had been there, she would have known what to do, she would have at least had his back. Had their back. Had her back. Summer.

Color left the world the day that she was ripped from it, the man turning black and white against the pale background of never ending grief. How was he supposed to tell a six year old that her mother was never coming home? He wouldn’t. That’s just it, isn’t it? He was the loving uncle that never had a place within the home of a girl that shared his blood. If anything this event, no matter how morbid, only solidified his stance.

He faded. Back into the battlefield that took his love from him, back into the distance as the uncle who always happened to show up drunk. He was gone more often than he wasn’t, always around the corner, just close enough to watch but far enough away to never be caught. Though the bottom of a liqour bottle, he watched her grow, watched her match pace with Yang, watched her surpass.

When she came of the proper age, he took her under his wing and began the training. It wasn’t what Summer would have wanted, or maybe it was, they had never discussed it in any length because they were supposed to have more time togehter.

That’s what it always comes back to, isn’t it? A lack of time. A lack of future that he had been promised so many years ago.

Ruby fought like her mother, strong and unbiased in her swings and Qrow taught her to move like a huntress. To charge and take action, even though she smiled like a child, she knew what had to be done and that was what mattered.

At the end of the day.

More than anything.

Ruby had the same love of cookies that her mother had.

And that broke his heart.

When the sisters told Taiyang that they to attend schooling on an asteroid that was too far way, Taiyang had called upon Qrow. He told her of the girls’ plan and more than that told him that he had granted them permission. It was hard for Qrow to accept, that they wouldn’t always be just around the corner. That Ruby wouldn’t be joining them on their hunts anymore, that it would be back to the two remaining members of their team. Not that he did not have a love for Taiyang, he only wanted that love to extend to both his brother in arms and his dau-… niece.

It took a few years for Qrow to really decide what he was going to do. He was highly skilled in a lot of things, but that didn’t mean that he wanted to just chose at random. All he knew was that he wanted to follow them, to look after them, as he had promised all those years ago.

So when a teaching position became available at the university on the asteroid, Qrow didn’t let himself have a choice in the matter. He packed his bags and called the man that he spent so many years with fighting side by side. Tai gave him his blessing, and that was it.

Qrow joined them on the asteroid, and gave himself to the stars.

AESTHETIC ://

Dark ravens against white snow. Empty liquor bottle clinking together in a trash bag. Drink it straight or don’t drink it at all. here for a good time not a long time. Drinking to forget or drinking to remember? Drinks. Vodka. The death of innocence in a man that never lets childish antics go. Heart break. Heart ache.

MISC ://

Years living among people that could not be trusted, Qrow learned to carry a weapon when he was young. Though he did not bring his scythe with him to the asteroid, he does have quite a collection in his spare room. At any moment, he more than likely has at least two weapons on him, his main and then a backup.

Qrow likes to think of himself as a functioning alcoholic. That’s not exactly accurate on some days, but it’s still how he likes to consider himself.

Family has always been important to Qrow, but the definition has changed over the years as to what family really means. Tai is his family. Summer was his family. Two girls who bare too much resemblance are his family. He doesn’t think much of his clan now that he has seen what the world has to offer him.

It would be easy to say that Qrow unlucky. More than that, it’s almost as if he cursed. Because of this, forming bonds with him is extremely hard. He doesn’t want to pull anyone else onto a sinking ship, because it is always those around him that get hurt.

CONNECTION ://

Taiyang Xiao Long : Best friend. A rock in the most dangerous of storms.

Ruby Rose and Yang Xiao Long : His nieces. He loves them equally.

Raven Branwen : Sister. Distant at best, hostile at worst.

James Ironwood : Prick.

Winter Schnee : Bitch.

AVAILABILITY :// OPEN || TAKEN BY EASTON

[luobingmeis]

🐰❇🌟

🐰  - what’s one of your favourite childhood memories?

playing my gameboy on my 5th birthday, which i had just received, and playing my first ever pokemon game (ruby) sitting on our old big white rolling kitchen chairs and not having a clue what i was doing but still choosing my mudkip and naming him sara

✨  - what normally happens in your dreams?

dude i wish i could tell u. it’s all very random. usually it’s me and one of my friends which eventually turns into characters or just into other people and we go on something that isn’t necessarily an adventure but we do something where reality is always off

🌟  - who’s a character that you relate a lot to? why?

definitely gansey from trc. idk i just see myself a lot in him. i don’t have his financial status but if i did i would probably try to always help my friends when they needed it. and tbh whenever him and adam fought over gansey wanting to help him, it took me a little bit to understand why adam wouldn’t accept his help bc im so on gansey’s side of wanting to help his friends (but now i do understand adam’s reasons). also, idk this is a bit morbid, but i also see myself in gansey in that we both share an extreme phobia of death/mortality. like, obvi his reasons are a lot more drastic than mine, but whenever im getting bad anxiety abt death i kinda just focus on gansey bc he had the same feelings