#this is why the blog suffers silence sometimes

[goteique]

| JAZZ & JASMINE + SYLUS. 

+cw. — fem!(captive)reader, fluff, teasing, humor, sexual tension, highly suggestive.

+wc. — 0.6k 

+syn.— sylus makes an attempt to soothe you in his own way as your suffer from a nightmare.

+notes. —sorry but his flirt game is so bad that it makes me cry. thnaks to sam ( @hayatoseyepatch ) for beta reading this piece. | redirect to blog navigation.

You have been tossing and turning in bed yet Sylus made sure not to keep up the pin-drop silence you needed to rest, to get used to your surroundings. Sometimes it is amusing given how sensitive you are to him but apparently, not now. 

You wake up in a frenzy feeling the thumping of your heart inside your ears, eyes wide open like it has not slept for a while. The first thing you see is Sylus hovering above you. “Get off me,” you try to swat him away but he does not move a bit but the back of his fingers tilts his face under the influence.  “What did you do now?” You ask but all you receive is a raise of one of his eyebrows.

“Relax.” He walks around the bed. Your eyes follow him as he halts, one of his hands still tucked behind his back. Is he hiding something? He is standing at the foot of the bed, now with both of his arms neatly tucked behind his back. You scoot away towards the head side. It puts a smile on his face. There you are, as lively as ever. Not a moment passes by when you are not scared of him or resisting him. He walks around the bed stilling as he comes near the bedside table. “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.” Sylus finally reveals what he is holding behind his back “Here.”

Eyes embedded with ruby-like pupils grew linear as you posed a question while staring at the bouquet of Jasmine. “You got me flowers?” You lean a little closer as he holds the bouquet. No. It doesn’t smell suspicious. It smells like Jasmine indeed. 

“Why you don’t like it?” You raise your eyes at him, lips forming a pout. Your attention falls on his pecs and muscles. He is in his night robe which means either he was sleeping or working. He grows impatient as you do not take the bouquet away from his hands so he keeps it in the water-filled vase.

“Why’re you awake?”  you ask so many questions. Ever heard of, “Curiosity killed the cat.”

Sylus looks at you, inspecting, and then jocks down in a flash almost closing the gap between you and him. “You see, his fisted hands rest on the mattress of the bed creating dips, I’m a creature of the night.” Is he even wearing anything underneath that loosely tied robe?

You lean closer. “Like a vampire or something ?” You whisper lest if someone hears.

His eyes trail off to your slightly parted lips while he wets his bottom lip. “Wanna find out? I could be something deadlier. . . ” Sylus notices as you swallow. Why are you so afraid of him? What did he ever do to you, huh?

“Good God.I’m just teasing. Relax.”He moves away from you turning around and pressing the bridge of his nose. This is not going anywhere. But you beg to differ.

“You’re going to sleep?” Sylus turns his head towards you and seeing you sitting at the edge of the bed surprises him, gives him a little hope so he follows it.

“Oh, how can I when someone else has occupied my bed.” Aah! perhaps not that fast.

“Like it's my fault as you lose your sleep,” you tartly reply looking away. Apparently, you are but he will get to that later.

He lets out a chuckle and sits on the lounge chair nearby crossing his legs. You are forced to rake your eyes away because you are sure that he is not wearing anything else except that night robe. “I’m not going anywhere. Go to sleep.” He takes the book and his specs from his reading table.

Like hell, you can now.  

[gallifreyianrosearkytiorsusan]

Waters Deep

Previous =-= Next

Author's note: More Jophiel in Mermay. Thank you for @egrets-not-regrets for letting me borrow Erriox and Lenora. Thank you @sleepyfan-blog for letting me borrow Cedric. Also, thanks to @egrets-not-regrets and @sleepyfan-blog for helping me get their character's voices right. Also, thanks to @kit-williams for letting me borrow Roland and Arnault (he's mentioned in this one).

Warning: None as far as I know. Let me know if I need to add anything.

Summary: A conversation is had.

Tagged: @barn-anon, @bleedingichorhearts, @c-u-c-koo-4-40k, @egrets-not-regrets, @kit-williams

Tagged: @sleepyfan-blog, @whorety-k

Lenora's heart feels very warm and soft at the question Jophiel just asked her, his large red eyes wide and pleading, filled with hope and love and. Oh no. Her son is just *so cute* sometimes! And- she's gotten to know Claude and Cedric, who are both good boys, that also sometimes break her heart like how Jophiel does, likely because of the shared, and different experience the youngest have suffered from. She's seen how they react to those around her and can tell that none of them have had easy lives at all, before coming to Ancient Terra as they call her home.

"... I..." Lenora pauses, "This is a conversation to be had with Claude, Cedric, and Erriox as well, my son," 

Jophiel pouts at her but nods, "Alright, I'll go get them, mom!"

He hugs then nuzzles her before he swims off to gather the other three Space Marines. Lenora felt her heart turn to mush at being called mom so casually by Jophiel. It was... he could be way too cute sometimes. While Jophiel went off to get Claude and Cedric she found Erriox and told him about the question that Jophiel had asked of her.

“I think there are several factors we need to consider before offering to adopt Cedric and Claude that we didn’t have to consider with Jophiel,” Erriox says slowly as his mind turns to the logistics of this. “Do they have their own pod or shoal that they are in? Are they being cared for by others in a similar way? Do they want to?”

“Those are good questions, one we will need the boys to answer,” Lenora responds with a nod. “Jophiel has gone off to go get them.”

“And if they do want to join us, we will need to move and make the nest larger, as they are all quite large, and it’s a tight enough fit with the three of us, as is,” Erriox continues, slowly starting to figure out the potential Logistics of the Situation.

Jophiel returns with Claude and Cedric, and he's finished with the explanation of why he's bringing them to Erriox and Lenora. Claude's ears have turned slightly pink, both of his closest brothers are in thoughtful silence as they think about Lenora, Erriox, each other, and Jophiel's proposed idea. 

Of course, after getting to know Erriox and Lenora, Cedric has decided that he'd be honored if they offered to adopt him, and that he'd take it. Claude had been... a bit... Startled and skittish about the idea at first, but- if... if Lenora and Erriox weren't opposed to the idea... he'd ... he'd happily agree. 

Also, whatever renovations to the nest (whenever they stayed over) was needed, he and Cedric would help with, should Erriox want and/or request the help from the trio of them. Claude and Cedric greets Lenora and Erriox cheerfully.

“Did Jophiel tell you why we wanted to talk with you boys?” Lenora asks them.

“Yeah,” Claude says with a nod, “I’d be… honored if you wanted to adopt me. While I have helped out some of the older brothers and cousins, I’ve not been officially or unofficially asked nor offered to be a part of any shoals or pods… Just been helping them out occasionally for information about the state of things at times.”

What isn’t said is how Claude and Cedric have found a couple of their fellow Primaris Marines in bad states. They were lucky Hura didn’t do much more than be pleasantly threatening when Catius had unknowingly hidden in Hura’s cave to try and recover from his injuries. Then, a few months later they had to try and comfort a nearly hysterical Cedric when he’d found a nearly dead, but still somehow alive Ramiel (that was… it was good that Ramiel was found again before he died, for a second time).

Even if the adventure in the creepy Chaos-cave was not pleasant. Ramiel and Catius are still recovering in a neutral cave near-ish where they can go fussing at their brothers. Catius and Ramiel kept each other company as they recovered. It was worrying that it was taking both of them so long to heal, but perhaps it was because of what Warp-nonsense that brought them here when they were both dead- or almost dead when they’d shifted from their time to here is the cause or something? The only one who’s got some sort of Psyker Training is Jophiel, who’s talents lie in misdirection and illusions, rather than any sort of deeper mysteries.

Claude shakes his head a little to pull himself out of his thoughts. There is a lot that they haven’t said or explained to anyone outside of their little squad of five Primaris Marines. From what they’ve gathered from other sources, five of their type of marine is a high number, despite the fact that there are hundreds, possibly thousands of First Born Marines in the seas of Ancient Terra at this point in time. He could have gone without the knowledge of time being more fluid than first thought.

“I don’t have an official shoal or pod that I’m with,” Cedric says, glancing at Erriox and Lenora before looking away, “I talk with Brother Roland occasionally.”

“How’s that going?” Claude asks curiously.

“He is usually nice,” Cedric says half happy, half totally-not-sulking as he remembers how Roland likes to gently bully him at times.

He had several reasons why he hasn’t told Roland more about himself, he knows how rare and precious specialized training is for a Space Marine his age. And Apothecary Types are very sought after because they can patch up and help heal those who are wounded. He knows that Roland, if he found out that Cedric’s more than just an Apprentice-Aged Primaris Marine would scruff and drag him into being in his shoal with Arnault. 

Which- he’d be honored to meet one of the Emperor’s Champions… but then he’d be more restricted in his movements and unable to help Ramiel and Catius as much, unless he told them about his brother and cousin. Ramiel’s an Apprentice Chaplain, who also helps tend to the heart and soul of the chapter, help absolve them of their sins and sorrows as needed, among other things. 

Different Chaplains have different specialties, but Ramiel wasn’t being trained to be an Interrogator Chaplain, which Claude is grateful for. A Chaplain is a ‘beating heart’ of the chapter and is thought of quite highly by almost all of the battle brothers in every chapter. Well, that is so in M42 and those that are from after the Heresy. Granted, Ramiel says he’s not a ‘chaplain’ yet, he’s an Judicar, which is one of the lowest ranks of the specialist type he is, he’d got his Rosarius beads, as he’s passed his first few trials, but… he’d not been able to have more before landing on Ancient Terra.

Cedric felt so honored that Lenora and Erriox had asked him to join their family, and Jophiel’s giving him large, hopeful eyes. He’s so delighted, and he is shy at first, but straightens up and nods, agreeing and requesting to become a part of the same family as them. That has Lenora trill and nuzzle her newest son, he nuzzles her back and she starts to groom her large lad. After a few minutes of that Jophiel flies and nuzzles into both of them with happy chirps and smiles. Claude is carefully approaching and scoops all of them up in a big hug for a few seconds before setting them down.

Lenora laughs and turns to Claude, who had accepted becoming her son as well and groomed her other new son. Erriox is watching this with a small smile on his face, as his mind whirls on new spots for their nest to be located, as well as how much more stuff they would need to build the nest, as well as food and other things that his new sons will need. He knows that Scouts, for the most part, are mostly- independent, but when they are around, he’s going to ensure that they are well fed and help Lenora take care of them.

The boys help with moving things, getting more material, and building the nest per Lenora and Erriox’s orders and requests. Them getting to chime in with their own thoughts and own additional flourishes and additions to the nest to help make it theirs. After a few more weeks, Jophiel is able to introduce his brothers to the Gannet Aunties and cousins, who have been told about the pair of them and are Delighted to meet more of Lenora’s boys. Cooing over and talking to all three of them. Gently squishing their cheeks and fusing over all three of them. Claude and Cedric get the vaguely alarmed and overwhelmed expressions the more attention and affection that they are given. Jophiel had told them about what the Gannet Aunties were like, and he’s told their Gannet Aunties about Claude and Cedric.

[anamericangirl]

I run a Stranger Things fandom blog, and if my followers found out I was a conservative, they would *literally* make a call-out post about me to "warn" others about me, and to stay away. A mutual I have, her pinned post is "this blog is pro abortion, if you're pro-life, unfollow, block, and oh yeah, go fuck yourself" but in the biiiiggest font on the site. She has no idea I'm staunchly pro-life, and she would also put me on blast if she found out. This fandom, while fun sometimes, is so fucking ignorant and hateful towards people who disagree with them.

That's because they're so tolerant and accepting <3.....as long as you think exactly like them, of course.

It's a shame that the only acceptable opinions you can publicly have in fandoms are leftist ones and if you differ at all you'll be eaten alive. That's why all fandoms should refrain from politics.

It's not easy to suffer in silence. You have my support.

[mysticpolin]

A Romanian Folktale’s Reflection on Loneliness: The Enigma of Muma Pădurii (The Mother of the Forest)

In the silence of the forest, the soul speaks. What do you hear?

~ Having grown up in Romania, I was lucky enough to explore a land brimming with folklore and ancient tales. Today, I’m thrilled to embark on this journey with you, beginning with one of our most enigmatic mythological figures: Muma Pădurii, the Mother of the Forest.

Often compared to the infamous Baba Yaga, Muma Pădurii is a witch who resides in the dark, mysterious heart of the forest. Her fearsome appearance and the tales are enough to chill the bravest soul. But beyond her terrifying facade lies a story of profound loneliness and lost love.

Romania is a land of incredible creatures and legends—witches, vampires, spirits, and more. I’m excited to share these myths and mysteries with you, diving into the rich tapestry of our folklore and uncovering the hidden stories behind these ancient beings. ~

Muma Pădurii often appears as a weathered hag, but could her perceived ugliness be hiding a deeper, more poignant beauty? Loneliness has a way of casting shadows over us, bringing out sadness and anger. Her isolation in the forest serves as a metaphor for the solitude we all experience—a place where our true selves emerge from behind layers of pretense.

In Romanian folklore, Muma Pădurii is a witch-like creature who dwells in the heart of the dark forest. Her face is said to be like rotting meat, and her eyes are as cold as death itself. She embodies the ancient and malevolent forces of nature. Her cruel acts—luring lost travelers into traps and sometimes even stealing away children—reflect a deep-seated loneliness and despair.

Her malevolence isn’t just a tool for harm but a way to fill the emptiness of her own life. She uses her fearsome presence to guard her solitude, driven by a sorrowful longing for the companionship she once knew—or perhaps never had.

“In the forest’s silence, the soul’s voice is heard.”

Muma Pădurii’s terrifying appearance might hide a deeper truth. She can transform into a beautiful woman to lure travelers into the forest, where they become lost forever. Her true form reveals that beauty and wisdom can emerge from darkness and suffering. Her outward appearance reflects how sadness and loss have shaped her existence.

To encounter her is to reflect on our own experiences of solitude and challenge. Are we, too, shaped by our own struggles?

For years, Muma Pădurii has been seen as nothing more than a villain in Romanian fairy tales, a scary story for disobedient children. But there is more to her than mere cruelty and fear.

To me, she represents a deep sadness and loneliness. Having lived for so long, she may have forgotten what love is or never known it in the first place. Her heart might be hardened, unable to express or even remember love.

People say you can still hear her laughter in the dead of night, but I think it’s not a sound of joy. It’s a cry for help—a sorrowful echo of a longing for something she has lost.

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” — I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings (1969)

To explore more about Muma Pădurii (The Mother of the Forest), and uncover the true stories behind her legend, visit my blog for in-depth tales and fascinating details!

[saintsenara]

So I found your blog a while back and I last night I finally found the time to browse through pretty much all your HP meta and ship takes (i slept way later than I should've yesterday, thanks to you ^^) and I'm astonished at how you manage to weave in well founded analysis even into your answers to even the most deranged ship-asks

That being said, I scrolled through a lot of your blog and I couldn't find your opinion on grindeldore as a ship. Since i really like your takes on ol dumbles (even though I don't agree with all of them. For example I don't think his whimsical traits are entirely a lie. I think they are a part of him he over-exaggerates as a coping mechanism and a comfort to himself and others) I was wondering how you think this relationship-dynamic worked, how it shaped him and how large a role it played in his later life

(This is not a reaction to the ask game obviously, since the ship has no gone rather mainstream. I sometimes miss its days of obscurity before the fb movies but that's another ask)

thank you very much for the ask, anon - and especially for the very kind message at the start.

my opinion on grindeldore is coloured by the fact that i've never seen any of the fantastic beasts films - and that i've also gone out of my way to forget anything i've ever accidentally learned about any of them. i just don't find the idea of them interesting in the slightest.

but i love the little flashes of grindeldore we get in the seven-book canon - the image of the owls flying back and forth at all hours of the night because they can’t bear not to be talking to each other has a good claim to be the most romantic thing which happens in the series - and i also love the way that grindelwald becomes another example of a narrative tool the series uses to great effect with many other main characters besides dumbledore: the figure, only ever fragmentarily known [both by the reader and by the character who loved them], who causes such immense grief that it dictates the entire course of that character's life.

grindelwald plays the role in dumbledore's narrative arc that james plays in harry's - he considers grindelwald perfect, wonderful, brilliant... until he can't pretend this is the case anymore, just as harry hero-worships his father until he is confronted by the proof that he was a bully. but while harry then begins to understand james with more nuance, dumbledore retreats - hides himself from grindelwald until he's literally forced to duel him, and then hides grindelwald away and never sees him again.

grindelwald is dumbledore's lily - his grief over losing him [and, specifically, his grief over losing the imagined version of him, when who he really was could no longer be ignored - which is exactly how snape thinks of lily] drives him towards a life which encapsulates what the series understands as "love": the willingness to steadfastly endure and suffer and sacrifice in silence.

and he's also dumbledore's merope - the person who didn't even try to stay alive be better for him, who irreparably ripped his chance at a happy family apart, and who abandoned him when things got hard - and, just as voldemort's entire life becomes about creating a place for himself in the world which soothes that grief, so too does dumbledore's. his public persona becomes unwaveringly noble for exactly the same reason that voldemort's becomes unassailably villainous - so that the fragility of the grieving man beneath the mask is never known.

these parallels are why i back the concepts of snumbledore and riddledore [and the triad - snumblemort] so utterly [i am not quite brave enough for harrydore, i fear], and so they certainly mean that i should find grindeldore compelling...

but i find - i think - that i like grindelwald better as a background character whose ghost haunts dumbledore's later relationships - romantic or otherwise. his shadow looming over the two dumbledore brothers, and the way that the memory of him rears up when the eleven-year-old tom riddle calls himself "special", and the way that dumbledore still loathes himself so strongly - a century later - for being taken in by his smile that he spits "you disgust me" at snape are canon moments which always stand out for me, and i love how these can be expanded in fanfiction - what happens when voldemort and/or snape find out about grindeldore obsesses me, for example.

and i am similarly interested in how dumbledore can't be written as a fully-rounded character unless the impact of his relationship with grindelwald [and how this drives his public performance of careful eccentricity, causes his obvious ivory-tower-ishness, and informs his thinking on love and desire and so on] is taken into account.

but i just am less interested in grindeldore as the central relationship in a piece [although there are definitely exceptions to this rule] - and i think being so stubborn about fantastic beasts is probably why. grindelwald works so well in the books as a shadow that i end up finding that more compelling than seeing him as a main character [which i also feel about james - i really like the ghost of unrequited prongsfoot, which is canon, haunting sirius in his adult life, but i care about it less as the main ship of a fic], but i'm sure that i would feel otherwise if i ever bothered to get into how he's written for the films, where he serves such a different narrative purpose that he gets more substance.

and i should also say that i don't find that grindeldore interests me to write myself because i think that filling grindelwald out into a main character on the basis of book-canon detail alone would mean confronting just how explicit an analogy for hitler he is in the text [my impression is that fantastic beasts changes this a lot], which is something i don't really have the energy for.

[although - since it's always worth reiterating this - the grindeldore girlies are perfectly entitled to ship the pairing in any way they like, and to write the characters and their motivations in any way they choose, without getting any grief about it. this is fiction.]

but who knows - maybe i'll change my mind the more grindeldore crosses my path. stranger things have happened.

because there is a little idea which continues to needle at me... that dumbledore's loathing of horcruxes, even in the 1940s, is because grindelwald had made one. and that this is why, when he meets harry at king's cross, he is so determined to believe that the rumours of his repentance were true...

[kim-poce]

Any Pet Story- "How did you get up there?"

Safety - You Are An Adult

Masterlist

CW: pet whump, caretaker new master, minor fall.

=-=

Hector should be worried, he knew that but truly how could he not spare some spare for amusement at the sight of the grown man curled up on the wardrobe. Yes, on the wardrobe, not in. Ethan had managed to, somehow, climb up the tiny and light wardrobe without turning it over. Truly a skill.

"How did you get up there?" he tried, knowing the pet wouldn't answer. "Look, just be still, I'll go get the stair. Do Not Move."

The man, the stray pet that was once dying in a pit, of course, didn't obey. If it was defiance or fear Hector doesn't know, but he wasn't even out of the bedroom yet when the loud thud and deaf groan made him turn away.

Ethan knelt as soon as he could, shielding his head with his arms ready for whatever punishment Hector would bestow for —for what? falling over? is there such a rule now?— his deed.

Hector sighed softly, not reacting at all to the flinch of the man when he got close —at a kicking distance— and crouched down.

"Quite a feat you did there," he said with a smile, "You decided to get up there, you know what this means?"

Ethan tried to be smaller, shivering in silence.

"This means you got consequences boy, you know the consequence of climbing up there? It's fucking falling down. Play stupid games and win stupid prized. But I'm still proud, you know why?"

Ethan swallowed hard and shook his head.

"I never order you to go up there and you did it anyway. It's the first big decision you make on your own."

"s-s-sorry master it it-"

"No no, not sorry," Hector cupped the pet's face, making eye contact. "Say 'I did it'."

"S-s-sorry."

""I did it!" say it boy," Hector smiled.

"I-i-i I did it...." Ethan whimpered.

"What is this weak response. Where is your pride, boy? Say again, louder."

"I I did it," he said, more akin to speaking than crying this time.

"I still can't hear you~"

"I did it!" he said again, firm for a second before shivering in fear again.

"That's my boy, you did it alone. You are an adult! You make your own decisions and sometimes, well, sometimes you fall and get hurt but look, you did it yourself, you are controlling your life, boy! I thought you were just a guy but nooo you are The Guy."

"...the the guy?"

"Yes. You be here making decisions and suffering consequences like a proper big adult. Yes, you got hurt, but that happens," Hector gave him a few pats on the back. "Now, we need to check if you aren't seriously hurt, right? I want you to be the healthiest guy of all, but before that promise me one thing; Don't recklessly climb up on things, please, okay?"

"Y-y-yes master, I'm sorry," Ethan nodded.

"Promises are also big decisions and since you are The Guy I'll trust your word, boy," Hector gave him another pat on the back, before getting up. "Now up you get, boy, let's check you up."

=-=

Taglist: @badluck990 , @cupcakes-and-pain , @extemporary-username , @inpainandsuffering , @kekihi , @latenightcupsofcoffee , @neverthelass , @nicolepascaline , @octopus-reactivated , @rose-pinkie, @stuck-in-this-mortal-form , @whump-blog , @wolfeyedwitch ,

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: HELLO. I have a question on how to get past an ego trap. I had recently figured, through your blog, that I'm a high Fe + Ni user (likely ENFJ). I also have fallen to similar traps in thinking as xNFJs who subconsciously downplay the importance of other people's lives while making social connections for the sake of fulfilling social ideals.

An example of this is my bad habit of not being able to talk to people as often. Regardless of how close we were or how much my silence is making them worry, I find it hard to reach out to them. Even if I care about them and want to ease their worries. They aren't necessarily doing anything bad. They can be completely normal people who have been nothing but kind to me. Yet I still get burnt out when talking to 'the same type of person' for 'too long'.

I try to do better nowadays. It works, I've sometimes thawed my odd fear of replying just by forcing those thoughts out of my head and taking action. However... I don't fully understand how my functions are causing this behavior and which mindset I should best adopt to pull through easier. I'd been thinking to myself, "It's okay to take my own time for my own life, and it's okay to have differing tastes about the people I surround myself with, but these people are as real as me and they'd appreciate being contacted again." Other times, I think: "It's my own life and if I don't withdraw when I need to then I'll burn myself out on talking to others."

I think it's partly because of me being at a low ego stage. I lack the self-awareness of how my actions/inactions affect others.

My questions:

What are your thoughts on a possible solution?

How do the functions work in these scenarios?

-------------------

It's a good idea to do things in the right order. You're asking me to use type to analyze your problem but you haven't even figured out your exact type yet. I won't get into specifics about functions until this is cleared up. ENFJ and INFJ are not the same. Each functional stack has its own unique dynamics to understand. Each type has its own unique issues and optimal path of development. The first thing you ought to do is put in the work for a proper type assessment. The process would help you understand yourself better.

What is the problem exactly? First, you say it's "fear of replying". Then, it's suggested that the real underlying problem is getting "burnt out" by socializing. And your default solution is basically to stop socializing. Is that a good solution? No, for a variety of reasons. It interferes with the development of quality relationships. You are unable to maintain a good social support network. People might get hurt by your absence/negligence. Social isolation is an obstacle to extraverted development. Suffering the same internal conflict over and over is not good for your mental health and well-being.

You seem to be in this "ego trap" because you think in oversimplistic either/or terms: Either I choose myself OR I choose others, as though it's a zero-sum scenario. You speak as though you have no influence over how socializing proceeds. It's like you open the door to socializing and then suddenly you're just a passive victim? Perhaps this helplessness is why you choose an extreme solution like cutting people off? This cognitive pattern is usually indicative of weak Fe (which makes ENFJ less likely than INFJ).

However, that's not how relationships should work, so there's something quite problematic with your overall approach.

A healthy relationship should be equally satisfying for both parties.

A healthy relationship should allow both parties to strike the right balance between self and other.

If it matters to you to be a good person, then you ought to respect yourself and your needs AND you ought to respect others and their needs. Whenever there is a conflict between them, you shouldn't just automatically default to either/or and do harm to yourself or others. Rather, you should put more thought into finding a middle ground or compromise that both parties can live with.

What is a better solution to "burn out"? Many possibilities: Plan and manage social time better. Learn better communication skills so that socializing is more energizing and less tiring for you. Negotiate rules and enforce healthy boundaries for socializing. Be more assertive about your needs and wants in the relationship. Categorize and prioritize relationships properly so that your socializing energy is used optimally. Make new friends that you can relate to better. Let go of relationships that aren't going anywhere.

In order to solve a problem, you must 1) be able to name and describe the problem accurately, and 2) explain why the problem is occurring, usually by correctly identifying the root cause(s) of it. It seems you haven't achieved either yet. Me making guesses about what's happening is of limited use when knowing your exact type could easily provide the explanation you need for improved self-awareness.

[maybege]

Sometimes I feel like I can’t complain when in fandom because of how small I am or it’s more of a problem with myself. I’ve seen things were writers shouldn’t have an over reliance on comments but I don’t think that’s how I feel.

I don’t even think it’s selfish to want some indicator that people are reading my work, I think especially with small blogs, we don’t understand why no one wants to interact and talk to us. That the things we say are getting thrown in the void. It suck’s really but if we complain, we’re asking for too much and if we don’t complain and just suffer in silence and ultimately leave the whole fandom experience knowing nothing we did had someone attached to our words. It’s a weird double edged sword of not wanting to shame people into reading our works but also feeling that no one cares

I agree with you. There is no shame in wanting to have someone interact withy our work and I am convinced that the people who argue "You should write for yourself and not for comments!" have never written and posted anything themselves. You write for yourself but you share for others and if others do not interact, you soon feel like there is no point in sharing it in the first place.

And no matter how small or big your blog is, you are not wrong to want interaction for your work.

let’s talk fandom

[fiercehildr]

Hi! I have 3 things if that’s okay!

Firstly, is it bothersome to ask why you stopped any ACOTAR blogging? Was it just to much toxicity? All good either way, still love you <3 I was just wondering. Pls ignore this if you want.

Secondly, what about ghost do you love? I love the art and such you’ve been posting even though I’ve never consumed any of that media lol

Thirdly, not a question but thanks for all the commissions you’ve posted! I love to see them (and I’m trying to read glow! It’s of course quite in demand at the library) k that’s all. Sorry to bother you!

Hi Nonnie! ♥️ Thanks for the ask! Sorry the answer might be long and trigger warnings: Traumatic events (second question)/A quick reference to s**cide (first question)

1- It’s fine, I can answer that no worries 🤗 What happened is that I realized the ACOTAR toxicity made my depression worse and constantly had me in a haze of anger as I could not really ignore everything going in that fandom, not with how deeply I was involved in it.

I was heavily bullied numerous times for liking a different fictional ship and I guess the last straw for me was when I was falsely accused of racism because of a commission of mine- never mind that the one thing they (-the usual suspects and bullies) complained about was the decision of the PoC artist I worked with and who they silenced or that their complaints actually highlighted how they automatically viewed a WoC serving tea as her being a slave.

I think we pretty much all knew that it was never our (the artist and mine) intent or that this drama was started with something else in mind. I even had numerous PoC in my asks and IG inbox telling me it was all good and that they couldn’t understand the issue at all. BUT… I was at a very low moment of my life, my mental health was extremely bad and I did a massive panic attack which was quickly followed by some pretty bad s**cidal thoughts where I almost did something really bad.

That’s when I decided to stop everything and after a 4 months long break from the internet and social medias, I came back but with not much love for ACOTAR anymore. I do not find joy in anything related to this fandom. My maximum is liking pretty arts from artists I like or friends and sometimes making games with the characters in my Insta stories. But I don’t even care about the characters anymore and I even feel a certain dislike for the author, for allowing us all to suffer this shitwar for the sake of her mental health. I know that, PERHAPS, the issue is more complicated than that from her side but I consider that my anger is justified anyway.

Will I come back at some point and rewrite posts and theories about the characters etc? Hopefully, but I’m fine in my little bubble right now. I’ll let the dogs eat their bones.

I hope I answer that first question for you and I’m sorry, I know it’s quite a long answer. 😅 I do love to hear you enjoyed my commissions! Always glad when I know they brought happiness to someone. ♥️

2- As for Ghost, funnily enough, he is not my favorite CoD character. I’d say he’s actually third on that list behind Soap and Price but he’s so aesthetically pleasing and makes for such beautiful art pieces! ♥️ I do appreciate his character though, mostly because I’m appreciative of his inner strenght. Now as you’re not familiar with the lore, to make it short, Ghost had a pretty horrible childhood, tortured by his father who was a notorious trash (like forced to kiss living snakes when he was terrified of them kind of stuff). Sadly, when he was in the army, he was also captured and tortured for month before finding his freedom again. Only to lose his mother, brother, sister-in-law and nephew to an atrocious murder. His past is basically the worst thing you could be imagining and if you’re interested in it, there is actually a comic about it you can find online. Do beware though, it’s pretty graphic.

So what I like is that even with that, he still remains level headed, tactical, and, to some extend, even kind. Seeing him develop a relationship with Soap and open up, even making jokes when he’s seen as this gigantic grumpy man, was actually a nice insight in who he really is! 🤗

Also watching plenty of tiktoks of him and Soap, even before I played the game (and I had never touched a CoD before!) helped me so much during my hard post acotar time.

There you go, I hope my answers was good enough and I do hope you get glow! If you do and read it, don’t hesitate to share your thoughts with me! 🤗

[rose-from-ashes]

[via bleedinghearth] For Beaft: 🌸 (Solus/Emet/Hades, Urianger (if he's on this blog), and Vaishant)

Solus:

"I'll start with the obvious: Teddy is convenient. There is nothing quite so useful for shutting up an irritating noble as a massive dragon staring them down. Under this falls the sense of dramatics he lends- I have always loved theatre, and he takes to it wonderfully.

Next is the matter of his sense of humor. Ah, he makes it difficult to stay in character sometimes, but the variety he brings to this dreary life is more than worth it. And it's always fun to make him laugh in turn, when no one is listening to me too closely.

And last... His perspective on life is... Refreshing. Do I agree with it? Not particularly. But it's a nice thought to indulge in at times, his optimism and love for life, even that of these sundered mortals... It is pleasant."

Urianger, who IS on this blog!:

"My love is... Kind, to me. T'was this which first caught my attention, back in the Waking Sands, when he approached me time and time again, unfaltering, and... Was kind. Perhaps my struggles with noise were plain, for he spotted them without a word, but if that is so, then it brings the question why he was the only one to accomodate. And if my needs are more difficult to predict, then this only serves to further demonstrate this aspect of his person, for he endured the work it took to learn before any other. This is my first and most vital trait which I shall name: Teddy's kind nature.

Perhaps equally important is the fact that Teddy is fierce. His kindness is no mere afterthought but an active choice, a choice to love the world and to fight for it. Many mistakenly conflate a kind nature with a meek one, but this is in every way inaccurate and inadequate, as Teddy so readily demonstrates- he will not tolerate cruelty nor allow the suffering to fall to the wayside under any circumstance. He will care for them under any circumstance or hardship, and he will stand against those who cause their pain.

Lastly there is the matter of his understanding. I am not a man skilled in the matter of communication, and my words have a way of failing me utterly and entirely too often. It is because of this that I am so verbose and thorough, to ensure that my meaning cannot possibly be misunderstood, and yet this fails me nearly as often as my silence does. And yet despite my struggles, oddities, and flaws... Teddy makes the effort to understand. In a twist of irony, this means more to me than I could possibly communicate, even to him."

Vaishant:

"You know, it's funny. I write songs all the time, but when it comes to him, I struggle to piece together three clear concepts. I just love him too much for words. But I'll try, and start simple: he laughs with me. I love the sound of it. I love when he joins in on the joke. I like seeing how hard I can make him lose it. And I love it when he returns the favor.

Next is his spontaneity. He really just... Decided to let me, a random guy, travel the world with him, just because. I never know what each day is going to be with him around, and I love that.

And last... I guess I like that he doesn't mind that I'm weird, or that I get caught up on some random thing and talk about it for days, or that I forget how old I am. He's always there, and he loves me. And I feel safe knowing that he's not going to stop or disappear because of some random thing. He's sticking with me, and I'm sticking with him."

[mencnfire]

it's a way we had over here with living with ourselves. we cut 'em in half with a machine gun and give 'em a band-aid. it was a lie. and the more I saw them, the more I hated lies.

an independent multimuse for the characters kazuhira miller, yevgeni borisovitch volgin, jack krauser - please read rules before following. penned by han.

beta editor only (unfortunately, rip)

MAIN | CARRD | MEME TAG | INTEREST TRACKER

ㅤ1ㅤㅤmultimuse / verse / oc / dupe friendly. i'm only selective in terms of i can't follow everybody back purely due to time & content. i want this blog to be an enjoyable, casual place to be. if you want to interact - deffo approach me and we can work something out !

ㅤ2ㅤㅤrated 18+ due to the series content which includes themes of torture / war crimes / mentions of child soldiers / blood & gore / violence / sexual violence / mental anguish / suicide-ideation etc. volgin's character is a large part of why this blog is rated 18+. he is a sadist, highly sexual & violent. i wont sugarcoat him for the sake of this blog. triggers will be tagged 'tw;-'. this blog will contain dark content. do not follow if you think that this will be a problem.

ㅤ3ㅤㅤthis blog is a drama-free and casual zone. i have zero time for tumblr shit. callouts aren't welcome, dnis will be acknowledged but not necessarily followed.i have no issue with things that people want to write, so long as they're respectful about it.

ㅤ4ㅤㅤshipping is welcome but it has to be noted that all of these men are messed up guys. volgin is a super sadist who will accidentally (and sometimes purposely) shock his lover's during sex. kaz is an incredibly broken man with anger issues & an obsession turned bad. krauser is a mess. all need help. shipping is welcome but i urge we discuss it before hand.

ㅤ5ㅤㅤi focus primarily on kaz during his mgsv era and onward. though his younger self will sometimes be alluded to / spoken about and maybe even written, i'd rather explore his character from mgsv onward. as for volgin, i focus largely on his mgs3/v self. though he's technically 'comatose / dead' in mgsv, i write him as having thoughts and feelings whilst he's the 'man on fire'. as you can tell, this blog began as an mgs blog - krauser, i will write during any timeline.

ㅤ6ㅤㅤfeel free to request my discord to talk plotting or chat shit ! ims are fine for talking but please don't be offended if i dont respond immediately. i'm quite slow due to personal obligations; however, if you message me requiring immediate attention, i will do my best to respond quickly.

ㅤ7ㅤㅤa lot of my portrayal is headcanon-based. there are certain fanon opinions, i do not share. i will not write volgin as a rapist so don't even suggest it. nor will i write rape / sa. i will not even look at shipping with underrage characters or writers. though i dont judge others for what they want to write, i don't want to be forced to write things i'm not interested in entertaining.

ㅤ8ㅤㅤimportant - i've added this rule because i feel it's incredibly important to me. this blog is low activity, and by extension - i am, too. i cannot be here 24/7, i cannot reply to ims and messages frequently. i have suffered a massive personal tragedy in the last few months, alongside this i'm in my final semester of university and i'm working. when i don't reply to a message, it's never anything personal, i apologise for not being quicker. if i don't reply in 1-2 weeks, you are welcome to nudge me. but please have some understanding as to why i may be slow. thank you.

ㅤ9ㅤㅤimportant to add on from the previous rule - i have zero patience now for those who take silence personally. if you think i have an issue with you because i have not replied to a message - ask me. i have zero tolerance for the expectations of being here 24/7. as stated above, my dad died suddenly in january of this year. i am in my final semester of uni, i am currently working with my manager to expand our business. i hate writing this rule because i'm a laid-back person who gives my partners the same space i expect, but if you're the sort of person who will reply to 1-2 weeks silence with a block or a shitty comment, do not follow or interact with me.

ㅤ10ㅤㅤa final addition re threads ; i am diagnosed with migraines and unfortunately can't handle heavily formatted text. i would prefer text be simplified ( it can be small or normal ) but heavy use of colouring and space does effect my eyes. i'd prefer text unformatted or small - if this can't be changed, i understand. if you can - bless you. also, regarding threads - my way of writing is to merge character responses and dialogue. i can't write opposite characters who respond separately to each and every line of dialogue as i don't feel it's natural. please keep this in mind when writing with me, my character usually will merge their thoughts / dialogue to whatever was the last thing said by your character.

i know these rules might seem a bit dickish but im just a little exhausted when this is meant to be a fun hobby, it's nothing personal. i just wanna have a good, chill time

[im-rotten-inside]

Since normally this is a dark vent blog for good reasons. Want to include that a big thing that keeps me going is hope for the future. Small things I do to help others, make them smile. That even in my darkest posting, someone out there may see it and feel less alone. That me simply existing will have someone feel seen even if we are not the same. That I HAVE helped others before. That I have made posts that people have mentioned in my inbox (on my main) has helped them feel loved and less alone. That me simply existing gives other people the courage to simply exist. That everything we share and talk about even on our main blog does some good, no matter how small. That even my reblogs have helped people find useful information or feel better or feel seen.

And that I heavily believe in a time where there will be a better future for people like me. We have come so far in progress. We will continue to progress. Whether the small victories or the big victories. I have hope for a future. We've come so far with rights and education and understanding so far, even when things seemed hopeless. And we will continue to move forward.

My pain can never be undone. But the fact that I am here and able to speak about it and not be silenced is amazing.

I do vent a lot of dark things because I need to. But this is not how I always am. Hence why this blog has moments of silence. I am a very hopeful person and have hope for a lot of things, including people like me. I am not able to actively fight and protest, but I can do many other things that help. And I have seen the effects I have had. Whether it's random anon kindness or reassurance, posting things that make others feel seen, reblogging important things or educational info, or just sharing silly things. This blog is dedicated to my darker side of things. But even then. I do also post with a mindset that someone out there can relate. Because I have seen dark vents from others that I relate to as well, that made me feel like I COULD talk about it.

So there is always hope in my heart. There is always beauty in humanity. And I do genuinely believe a better time will come. And that a lot of actions even small ones are important. Even if it's just one person. Even if that person is just myself. Even if it's a small impact. It IS an impact. And I have helped people feel better and be provided helpful info for themselves or their friends. Or made people feel seen. And I have also been the one receiving that as well. So I do have a lot of hope for a better future, for younger people like me, for many different issues.

This is personally a place for my dark vents and worst thoughts I struggle with. I do want to kill myself a lot. I deal with a lot of things I cannot control. But I do have hope. And I do a lot purely by imagining someone like me and what I could have used and did see when I was younger. When I was more lost. When I did not understand. Even if it's just a vent that's personal. Even if they relate because of other trauma not like mine. I still find that important. With so much suffering. I do have hope. A lot of it. Even if it's hard to see sometimes.

[theoscout]

I've forgotten the kind of impact that abandoned by disney and its sequels and spinoffs had on me, except for FNATI because I never spent long on it.

It just seemed... realistic? It talked about how corporations are known to do seedy and awful things and cover it up, supernatural or otherwise. It doesn't so much scare me now, as make me horribly depressed.

Sometimes, the only source of news about something isn't from employed journalists, it's from random people on the internet who run blogs and might be hunted down by authorities over it. That was something I actually romanticised when I was younger- putting my life on the line and being the one and only source for information to come through, like being the hero of my own story. So many of my ARGs were written with this format in mind, and Abandoned By Disney was the one that introduced me to it in that way.

Now I think about Friendlyjordies getting his house firebombed over youtube videos and the people of Palestine letting a glimmer of their suffering be preserved through their phones. Disney funded the latter one. It also funded Uyghur concentration camps and was responsible for all kinds of horrible laws about copyright, I could go on and on about what kind of things they done but these two are the most egregious examples that come to mind. A messed up figment of imagination coming to life through collective belief isn't even this scary.

I almost, almost wish I lived in the ABD universe more than this one, because at least the horrors I'll be facing there are charismatic. The horrors here are just depressing and sad. And the disney company is arguably more respectable there- instead of just being lazy tyrants who sit on a throne of enslaved creative potential, they're at least also running some kind of scp-esque program to keeping these horrors contained, even if they need to do bad things to do that.

admittedly, I never really went too far into fnati. I felt like we had missed potential. I feel like disney secretly trying to capture and contain weird dream demons is way more interesting than what we got. You could have been an investigator who was offered a job into the role of a cast member, and told that in exchange for being let known the truth about these shady coverups, you would need to let the company silence you. You could have been sent to fight the corruptus or contain them. We could have explored the Unknown Avian Species, Friendly John, Wily Wizard, many more things.

SIGH.

Maybe certain fan works did explore it, just without my knowledge. I can see why the people initially thought that Bendy would be a better adaptation of Abandoned By Disney than the FNATI games, especially with the Corruptus entry coming out. It sure as hell went viral, due to being a mascot horror game in a time when 90% of mascot horror was FNAF fangames with no distinct style.

lowkey, I didn't want to spend this long on Disney. I don't believe they deserve the additional allure of secretly having cool horrors being kept under lock and key. I don't feel like ANYONE who does the things they do deserve a cool horror spinoff. I don't even want to write an expy of them, because it means deriving some level of joy from their existence. Somewhere, I'll also be factoring in the suffering Palestinians and Uyghurs, and that doesn't sit well with me. I don't know how or why, but it just don't. Taking out the real life horrors to write about fictional horrors feels exploitative and wrong. It does to me, even if that's not the same for other people.

[so-much-nonsense]

because this is life

yest i wanted to kms and today im sitting on my bed struggling to study without getting distracted. this is so funny to me. yest nothing in the whole world mattered. yest i couldnt care less about all this but, today, here i am, giving it so much importance. are we all just lil creatures. if yes why did i have to suffer so much. i dont want to live anymore. it stopped feeling like im living, for myself. i cant exactly tell when. bc few days back i was so happy and thoughtful about amount of emotions i can go through. yest night something just snapped and i sobbed uncontrollably in silence as i laid in my bed covered in sheets in the dark. what are friends and family in these moments? yest i wanted to die and no one were there for me. not even one person i could think of that i could call for some safety net. or even just to talk. my "friends" seem to be busy with their own fucking lives, lives im not a part of. "family" i cant call and worry. "people whod listen to me" i refuse to open upto. what has my life become today. before yesterday my life was so rich. after today if you ask me ill tell you it still is but ill be lying. i should stop opening these apps and checking my messages again and again. fucking not one person is gonna text me or even reply to me. its not vulnerability i am scared of, its misunderstandings. we as smol humans seem to have a lot of these every single day and they ruin lives. ig this is life now. crying in secret. lonely. questioning everything. but ik ill not feel a thing in this blog a time from now. if i still do itd really be the worst life. there is nothing to say anymore. my mind blank but suffering, lost in chaos. sometimes i think i just write all these things because i like writing. but a little later in life i thank myself for having closure. it is so bad that i feel isolated from everyone. i feel like i cannot to talk to anyone. i feel like everyone is going ahead with their life but me. dying is not an option. so idk. also annoying how much importance i can give to people and never get it back. i have never been this person but i think im slowly changing into this person. do i stop caring? idts. bc i think everyone is sad, at least a little bit. so if im there for them in even one of those moments im happy to be. hence i dont find a reason to shut off people. regardless of what they might to(unless theyre horrible things) they are also learning and i would be happy to be there for them. i want to be there for people all the time. i dont understand this urge. maybe because there never was or is anyone for me.

[lemurzsquad]

(The conversation that ended it)

I've realized I really want to share all the things I've written for the D&D character, Brash, so I decided I'd start posting all the things I've written about her (which is a lot) in order of when I wrote them. This is the story that started me on writing a lot of short stories for her, so here you go! I'll be posting more and making a blog masterlist soon, too!

This story technically doesn't have a title (it's been called "Brash sadge" in my google docs for forever lol) so we're just going with "(The conversation that ended it)" because why not

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Written: 1/6/2022

Summary: After another long day, Brash and Quill both finally snap. Some not-so-pleasant words are exchanged in the midst of their frustrations.

cw: angst (it would not be a Brash story without it), arguing

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The fire crackled in the bitter cold of night. Wraps had comfortably curled up in her tent to sleep while Brash and Quill sat in silence around the flickering flame.

The bronze dragonborn wore a grim expression twisted in shame and self-contempt, although she tried to hide it. Her eyes were fixed on the dancing flames and she dared not look up for fear she would meet Quill's harsh gaze.

They sat for a long while, perhaps waiting for Wraps to finally fall asleep, before the brass dragonborn broke the veil of stifling stillness.

"You know what you did today was horrible, right?"

Brash immediately snapped, "I know! I said I was sorry already!"

"Brash, this has been getting out of hand. What if someone had gotten hurt? What about Wraps? What about you?"

"I get it, it was stupid, you don't have to keep telling me. You think I don't know?" Her voice emanated irritation with every hissing word.

"Then why do you keep doing it? If you keep getting into fights you can't win, you're going to get seriously hurt one day, and we're not gonna be able to bail you out."

"You think I'm not trying?!" Brash's blood began to boil again; she still would not look up, however, instead clenching her hands into fists and glaring at the ground. "I'm not like you, I can't just stand by while someone's suffering and not do anything! I get it, it's none of our business, but if I can at least do something, I-"

"But that's exactly the problem!" Quill's voice was pleading. "Sometimes you can't do anything! You'll only make the situation worse! We can't afford to make any more enemies than we already have! I don't want either of you getting hurt-"

"Oh yeah, sure, because making a few enemies is so much worse than whatever those people have to endure," she remarked sarcastically, crossing her arms and gritting her teeth. "And I get it already, you don't want any of us getting hurt. As if we can't take care of ourselves."

"Pixie-"

"Don't call me that! We're not family!" Brash finally broke as her rage overtook her. She whipped her head up to snarl at the dragonborn that sat in front of her, rising quickly to her feet.

Her heart dropped as she saw the anguished expression on his face. Quill's eyes darkened and Brash felt a painful pang of guilt. She had really said something she should not have this time.

Silence froze the air once more, and Brash felt a chill to her very core. She moved her hand ever so slightly to reach out, but could not bring herself to do it.

After many agonizing moments, Quill said with a shallow voice, "So, I guess none of this time spent together meant anything to you after all."

Brash choked back seething tears. She managed to say, "I know when I'm not wanted."

Hesitantly, she turned away toward her tent and stalked off. Quill put his head in his hands; tears dripped down his arms into the dusty earth. The campfire seemed darker and less energetic as it watched a friendship fracture before its eyes; perhaps it too wished to cry.

Brash had packed what she could and left before daybreak. She had written notes and tucked them into her former companions' sleeping quarters as they slumbered, careful not to disturb them.

She said not a single goodbye that day, only parting ways with a sorrowful look back over her shoulder to a pair of kin she once knew so well.

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Do not copy and/or repost!! Any likes or reblogs are appreciated, though! (c) 2024 LemurzSquad