#this is why i wish i knew what he was like before being a dex

[thesugarhole]

i wanna talk about pilots disabilities but idk how to word it properly and also i don't feel like i have all the info just yet

[originalcollectionartistry]

You ready, Princess?

I am so sorry my darlings! Things have been hectic in life for me. Between weddings, extra work, and personal stuff, my poor WIPs have been neglected. I promise to figure out time management better so I can grace your dashboards a bit more often.

This one might be a little shorter than previous posts but I did promise some people another fic but with our favourite sniper. This one can be read as a sequel to So Much for Love or it can be read as a standalone. Reader's choice!

CW: Fluff, PiV, rough fucking (we all know Crosshair can be rough when he wants to be), oral m receiving, pet names/degradation (princess, slut, whore), unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it!!!)

Word count: 2559

Enjoy my darlings!

It took a long time before your heart started to mend itself. Your love for Tech had consumed you for so long you forgot what being single, truly single, was like. You missed the way he called you darling, mesh’la, cyare, all the pet names. You missed the way he tinkered with little projects when he was not on missions. It was his way of winding down and it was so cute to you. Once he ended your relationship, it was a shocker for you. You took a long-needed week off to collect yourself. You cried almost every night, wanting nothing more than to have Tech beside you with his arm wrapped loosely around your waist. You had no idea when your batch would be back next, but you wished you would be completely moved on by then.

And you were. 322 rotations later, you felt loads better about yourself. Tech was a soldier first and foremost. It wasn’t fair of you to put so much onto him concerning your relationship. So, you picked yourself up, dried your tears, and worked on yourself. You approached Dex about taking more responsibility for his place of business, finally having something taken off your plate. You started working out more, putting time aside for yourself, taking yourself out on dates. You frequented 79’s a lot, getting your rocks off to many different soldiers. You had a type, and it was clear to everyone around you. You had a few flings here and there, but no one had fulfilled you like Tech did. Your heart still ached sometimes in mourning. That was the thing about grief. It never fully went away.

There was one clone that kept you smiling and giggling. Crosshair often messaged you while they were off world, making sure you were still smiling. You had never thought Crosshair would have a soft spot for you. He was… harsh to those he kept at a distance, but you knew his humour didn’t translate a lot of the time. He was snarky, sarcastic. Crosshair never backed up any horrible thing he said as it was always some weird dark humour. It was a humour that made you die laughing at times. The deadpan delivery often getting you off guard and causing a laughing fit.

It was this type of joke that cause you to pause in the middle of a shift. The boys were back on leave for another few days and were eating more than their share of the food the diner had to offer. You had another customer leave you their number and a large tip. Rolling your eyes, you stuffed the credits in your apron before crumping the paper with the number and tossing it.

“Another suitor rejected?” Tech deadpanned.

You smirked, pouring more caf for him. “Oh yes. I don’t get why they think treating me poorly at work will make me want to go out with them! It’s insane.”

It was nice joking around with Tech again. After so long of pretending to be okay with him around when you weren’t, it was a relief when you started being friends again. You both were happy with your separate lives, and it was fun to make fun of the guys who hit on you.

“Perhaps it has worked in the past. Insane people often go for other insane people.” Crosshair joined in.

“Oh, so I’m an insane person now?”

“Well, you went for Tech, so yeah.”

You saw that little smirk playing on his lips. You paused for a hot second, processing what he had said and started to laugh. Tech looked unimpressed at the jab, but you found it hilarious. You did have a thing with Tech and so it made you laugh even more, proving Crosshair’s theory that you were a little crazy. A crazy he didn’t mind being around.

“You have a point there Cross!” You said between giggles. “Maybe I’m more insane than I originally thought.”

They paid for their meals and went back to their barracks, but Crosshair stayed behind a bit longer. He seemed to have an air of confidence around him but a little nervousness creeping around too. He gave you a hug, thanking you for being you. Which caught you off guard. You hadn’t changed anything about yourself so for him to thank you for being you was… confusing to say the least.

He left a little piece of paper in your apron before leaving to join his brothers. You were surprised at how forward he was being. Crosshair was not one to be upfront about his feelings, so you were feeling a little confused at the change in him.

Unfolding the note, you saw instructions. Short and sweet:

Meet me outside 79’s. Tonight at 7. Don’t be late.

Huh... he wanted to meet. Interesting. You guessed this was just him being a friend, trying to get you laid and find a new partner.

You were about to be so wrong.

You showed up, on time as asked, meeting Crosshair in front of the bar. He immediately put an arm around your shoulders and led you away from the bar. Where did this behaviour come from? You liked it, you wouldn’t push him away, but it confused you.

Crosshair, on the other hand, was sweating bullets. Not literally but dear god was he nervous. He had been trying to gain the courage to ask you out for weeks. After you had confirmed you were fully over Tech, he saw his chance. A year later of you working on yourself after Tech had broken up with you, you finally felt back to your old self, and he could make a move. He could finally tell you how he had been harbouring feelings for so long.

He brought you to a small intimate restaurant, where you were seated and brought a bottle of wine. You had always clocked Crosshair as a whiskey or scotch man but if he wanted to drink wine with you, you weren’t gonna complain. You liked Crosshair and had been wondering if you had any attraction to him as of late. He was a good friend and a fantastic wingman as he helped set you up with his brother all that time ago but now that you had moved on… you found yourself picturing the sniper in your dreams and fantasies. When you closed your eyes when screwing a reg, Crosshair’s face illuminated in your mind’s eye. You were hoping this was a date as you did not want to screw your friendship up by asking him out so the fact that he asked you made your heart flutter. You just hoped this was a romantic dinner and not a platonic one.

Taking a sip from your glass you finally asked, “So where did all this come from? It’s not like you to be nervous.”

Cross swallowed a bit before answering. “Well, I wanted to make sure you were over my brother. Cause I have a proposition for you.” Swirling his glass, he waited for your prompt.

“Oh? What kind of proposition my dear? It’s not for a mission, is it?”

Crosshair chuckled a bit at that. You had never left Coruscant and desperately wanted to travel and explore the galaxy, but you weren’t too keen on entering war zones just yet. Crosshair assured you it wasn’t for a mission but for a more… personal nature. He explained his feelings to you bluntly and quickly, wanting to get any rejection over with. You surprised him however, smiling coyly and reaching for his hand.

“I was wondering when you’d ask me out. I just didn’t think tonight would be that night.” Smiling you leaned over to give him a kiss on the cheek.

Hiding his excitement, Crosshair teased you a bit more before your food arrived.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

You really did not expect things to move so quickly throughout the night. After dessert you and Crosshair just walked around, seeing what the venders had to offer. When you finally arrived home, you invited him in for a night cap. It had all started so very innocently! Eventually you ended up where you are now: on all fours with Crosshairs cock deep inside your dripping pussy.

“Is this what you were hoping for? Pounding into my wet little cunt?” you teased. Crosshair responded with a tug of your hair and a particularly harsh thrust.

“I’d say it was you who was hoping for this princess. You were so eager to please when we started,” he mocked back.

It was true… Both of you moved in for the first kiss but every time Crosshair would try something: touching your breast, nibbling your ear, sucking your neck; you melted into his arms and became more and more submissive to him. You were utterly his, and you kicked yourself for not realising it for a year. As much as you had loved Tech, you never had as much raw sexual desire as you do now with Crosshair. You clearly were a better match with the sniper and were loving it!

Your thought process was interrupted by Crosshair running his fingers through your hair and pulling you up to his chest.

“I said,” he growled in your ear, “It was you who hoped for this, wasn’t it?”

You whimpered, nodding your head frantically. Babbling incoherently, you affirmed it was you who wanted this to happen. Cross groaned in satisfaction, giving you a particularly hard thrust as reward.

Eventually, Crosshair got tired of not seeing your face and flipped you over onto your back. It was a surprise you welcomed as he immediately pressed his lips to yours, smothering you in his taste. He slipped his hand down to your clit, playing with it in a way that had your legs turning to jelly. You were not going to be able to walk anytime soon.

Your high was approaching fast and you had little to no control of your moans. You were practically screaming in pleasure, begging for just a little bit more. Just enough to get you to tip over the edge!

“Come on, princess! Cum for me!” Cross hissed in your ear.

That was enough and you saw stars. Your legs seized around his waist, keeping him inside you as your whole body convulsed in pleasure. Tears pricked at your eyes as euphoria washed over you. You then felt something poking your cheek and an emptiness from your cunt. Crosshair had slid out and now wanted you to suck him off.

You happily obliged, teasing the red tip, licking your juices off him. Opening your mouth wider, you took him further, tapping his thigh to let him know he could use you. Cross didn’t hesitate, fucking your mouth with such fervor you didn’t think you could stop him, even if you wanted to! You relaxed your throat, allowing him to go further into your mouth. He suddenly pulled out of your mouth, pulling you up by your hair.

“Oh, did I stop before my whore was done?” he taunted. Kissing you fervently, he pushed you back down onto your hands and knees. Gripping your hair, he asked if you were ready.

“Cross, I’ll indicate if I ever am not ready or want to stop! Just fucking fuck my mouth already!”

Letting out a low chuckle, he caressed your cheek before pushing his cock back into your throat. “That’s my good little slut. You want me to cum in your mouth? You want me to fill your throat with my seed?”

You moaned around his cock, sending vibrations down. He shuddered, loving the feeling of your mouth. Now he knew why Tech was always brain dead after a night with you. You were a force damned goddess!

Deep throating, you gagged lightly around his length, wanting him to fill your mouth. You could feel his thrusts becoming stuttered and halted, meaning he was getting close, and you were loving the feeling. The little power trip of making Crosshair fall apart with just your mouth, it boosted your ego far more than it should’ve.

Grunting, Crosshair gripped your hair into a makeshift pony. “Gods, princess! I’m so close! In your throat?”

You sent him a thumbs up as you pushed yourself farther on his cock. No way you were pulling off to give him a verbal affirmation. Plus, it seemed to be enough for Crosshair.

“You ready, Princess?”

He timed it so he came as you were deep on his cock, shooting his cum as far down your throat as he could. He was obviously saving up as you felt overflowing your mouth and dripping down your chin. You pulled off and wiped your mouth off, licking what was on your fingers up.

“Hmm,” you grinned. “You taste good Cross! Been saving up for me?”

Pulling you up and curling you into his side in bed, he chuckled. “In your dreams, princess. That’s what you can expect every time I cum in you.”

You laughed a little more before resting in the calm of the afterglow. Your breaths evened out before you closed your eyes.

“Thank you, Cross.”

“For what?”

You tilted your head so you could gaze into his eyes. “For showing me what I’ve been missing out on. I’m willing for this to be a regular thing if you are.”

Smirking, Crosshair popped a toothpick into his mouth. “Don’t you worry doll. I’m not letting you go anytime soon. You’re mine now.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

4 months later

“Holy Kriff! Cross really did a number on your neck mesh’la!” Wrecker exclaimed.

Your hand went to your throat where Crosshair had recently reignited his previous love bites. You smiled, shrugging it off.

“Yeah, apparently some shiny was checking me out at 79’s last night. Wanted to send a message,” you laughed.

Tech looked up from his data pad, looking over your neck. “It’s normal behaviour for Crosshair to be possessive of what’s his. Although, I’ve never seen love bites look that dark on anyone’s neck. I never left any that dark.” He took a moment to think about your past dalliance with him. Smiling, he added, “Then again, I’m not as possessive nor was I around enough to mark you. But based on your reaction and pride in the marks, maybe I should’ve.”

Crosshair came up behind you, giving your temple a kiss, a shock every time he did it. He never came across as one for public displays of affection but after last night, you’d happily get used to it.

“Getting jealous, Tech? Missing what we had?” you teased, pouring more caf for him.

He shook his head, smiling. “Not at all my dear. It’s quite clear you and Crosshair are a better match than we ever were. I like what we have now. A close friendship based on mutual respect.”

Hunter took a sip of his caf before chirping, “I don’t get why you didn’t cover them. Doesn’t Dex have a decency rule?”

You shrugged a shoulder, taking his empty plate. “In writing he does, not he never has us adhere to it. Plus, I ran out of concealer.”

Crosshair had hidden your concealer. He didn’t want you covering your marks at all. He wanted the world to know you were his and only his.

You were his Princess, and he’d made sure to let the world know at every opportunity.

[caniruineverything]

So I found a WIP sitting in my drafts that I have decided to dust off and continue working on. I had totally forgotten it, but I still like the idea and am motivated to finish it! I put what I have written below; let me know if you like it!

Working title: if only i’d have known you had a storm to weather

no whump yet, but it’ll come later, don’t worry. lots of sweet qui-gon and obi-wan moments though!

“Qui-Gon? The Council wishes to see you and your Padawan to debrief your mission as soon as possible.” Qui-Gon nodded at Mace’s holographic image to show he understood, and the small blue figure of his friend disappeared. He relayed this information to Obi-Wan in the form of their next moves.

“Padawan, you may shower if you can do it quickly, then we will meet with the Council. As Qui-Gon had done not a minute before, Obi-Wan nodded, then quickly strode away to clean himself off.

They had just returned from a very successful mission on Clotho, where Obi-Wan had expertly navigated negotiations and prevented an assassination attempt from succeeding. While doing all this, Obi-Wan hadn’t had time to relax or shower, and Qui-Gon knew how much his apprentice liked being clean. So as urgent as this Council meeting may have been, Qui-Gon was going to allow his Padawan to make himself comfortable. He more than deserved it.

Lost in his thoughts, it felt like mere seconds between the time Obi-Wan had left to when he returned, hair damp and robes clean. With silent nods communicating all they needed, they headed to the Council chambers.

Qui-Gon stood quietly to the side as Obi-Wan detailed the events of their mission, only giving a nod or more information when prompted. He made sure to let the Council know that the success was entirely due to the capabilities of his Padawan, taking no credit for any of it.

“Done well, you have, young Padawan.” Yoda looked visibly pleased, a rare yet always pleasant sight. Mace followed with a similar sentiment.

“Yes. Obi-Wan, you have made the Council proud.” Obi-Wan grinned slightly, pleased, but not appearing smug in any way.

“You’ve made me proud as well, my young Padawan,” Qui-Gon couldn’t help but add. He wanted his apprentice to know just how well he had done, and how much Qui-Gon was proud of him, but he couldn’t very well do it in the presence of the Council. He had a feeling they would scold him for it. Don’t have attachments, don’t show affection, give no sign you’re even alive.

They were released shortly, much to Qui-Gon’s pleasure, and, he suspected, that of his Padawan as well. Qui-Gon watched, content, as Obi-Wan walked down the halls with his back straight and his head up. The boy so often looked ashamed of his very existence that it warmed the depths of Qui-Gon’s heart to see him as confident as he was now.

Suddenly, an idea struck Qui-Gon, and he turned to his Padawan.

“Why don’t we eat at Dex’s tonight? We’ve earned it, haven't we?” Qui-Gon suggested, purposefully saying ‘we’ instead of ‘you’, as he knew Obi-Wan would be more likely to agree if he perceived it as a less selfish action. Not that eating out when he had truly earned it was in any way selfish. He had earned it by being very selfless, in fact, protecting others at the potential cost of his safety.

To Qui-Gon’s delight, Obi-Wan beamed up at him at the suggestion.

“I would love that, Master. And, yes, I do believe we’ve earned it.” Qui-Gon’s pleased grin slowly shifted to one of mischief. Obi-Wan noticed. “No, I know that look.”

“Race you to the speeder! Last one there buys dessert.” Obi-Wan adopted a similarly mischievous grin as his Master’s, and the two shot off for the speeder. Though Qui-Gon lost - barely, damn aging - it was worth it to hear his Padawan’s joyful laughter. “I’ll drive,” he offered.

“By the time we get there it’ll be morning!” Obi-Wan teased. Qui-Gon affected a look of indignance, though he was pleased. They both loved their back-and-forth banter, and it was a sign they were content.

“You keep this up, and I won’t buy dessert!” Obi-Wan gasped, and Qui-Gon wasn’t sure if it was fake or not. You try getting between this boy and his dessert.

“You promised! No take-backs!”

“That was before you decided to try me, Padawan,” he shot back, “Now get in.”

Qui-Gon drove them, though they bickered jokingly the whole way. It ended with Qui-Gon agreeing to buy dessert. He shouldn’t have forgotten they were here because of how good Obi-Wan had been at negotiating.

Inside, the two took their seats in an empty booth and ordered their regular meals. To Qui-Gon’s delight, Obi-wan was quite talkative, explaining how he found a book he thought Bant would like, or about a new ‘saber trick he wanted to test with Quinlan.

It was evident how much he had missed his friends, and Qui-Gon had no doubt they’d missed him just as much. Everyone needed someone to count on, Qui-Gon mused- here he thought lovingly of Tahl and Mace- and it seemed Obi-Wan had found that in his small, tight-knit friend group. He might not have always known it, but he’d always have that with Qui-Gon as well.

As promised, Qui-Gon bought dessert, some sort of fruit-flavored cake that was much too sweet for Qui-Gon’s taste, but his Padawan seemed to enjoy it. They left shortly after paying, as although Obi-Wan would never admit it, Qui-Gon could tell he was getting tired. As was he himself; it had been a long week for both of them.

It appeared Obi-Wan was having a very hard time staying awake on the speeder ride home, which amused Qui-Gon. Almost like a dog, his apprentice kept blinking rapidly and jerking his head up, though it kept slipping down every time.

He was asleep by the time they got back, so Qui-Gon scooped him up in his arms, almost unable to sustain the weight of a healthy teenage boy, and carried him in. When they returned to their rooms, Qui-Gon laid him gently down on the bed.

Once he was sure his Padawan would be comfortable, he walked into his own bed and fell into it, welcoming the comforting dark and quiet of sleep. His last thought before drifting off was just how happy he was to have an apprentice as wonderful as Obi-Wan.

When Qui-Gon awoke the next morning, he could hear his apprentice moving around in the kitchen. By the time he had showered and gotten ready for the day, Obi-Wan had finished cooking breakfast, and as Qui-Gon exited his chambers, he placed it on the table.

It seemed Obi-Wan’s talkative mood from the prior day had not yet dissipated, and far be it from Qui-Gon to discourage it. He loved hearing his Padawan speak about anything and everything, all- well, most- of the time.

“Master Drallig said we’d be trying a new method of training in class these next few months,” Obi-Wan began.

“And what would that be, my Padawan?” Qui-Gon followed up. Obi-Wan wasn’t big on sharing things, so Qui-Gon was eager to seize the moment while he could. It was all the more rewarding when Obi-Wan’s eyes lit up, the boy clearly eager to explain.

“He is going to put us in small groups to spar, so we can spend more time learning the methods of the other students. After a few weeks, he’ll rotate the groups, so everyone can experience different styles of fighting.” It was times like this that Qui-Gon wished he’d studied under someone as creative as Cin Drallig.

“And how do you feel about this method?” Qui-Gon implored, genuinely curious about his apprentice’s answer.

“I believe it will be enlightening, and I hope it will be enjoyable as well.” Qui-Gon had similar beliefs.

“I know you will glean all you can from this, but remember to let yourself enjoy the experience as well. Don’t get too caught up in improving that you forget to take joy in things like this.”

[sweet-sammy-kisses]

You've Got Me Captured

For the @jaytimweek day 1 prompt photography  Rating: Teen Words: 637 Summary: "Are you pouting? Are you upset that Dex-Starr is getting all of Timmy's attention?" Dick teased.Jason sent a glare at the all too amused Dick who was hanging around for some reason. 

Crossing his arms Jason leveled a glare at Dick, "Who was it who sulked for two weeks when he was denied cuddles from Tim because Dex-Starr hissed at him as he snuggled Tim?"

 Jason reminded his older brother.A dark cloud appeared over Dick's head one that disappeared the moment Jason laughed and the next thing Dick was letting out a small war cry as he tackled Jason.

Tim ignored his brawling boyfriend and older brother as he kept taking photos of his beloved cat. "You are such a good kitty."

You can read it on AO3

Jason had heard about Timbit's love of photography from Dick, who had taken it upon himself to track him down in one of his safe houses and after an epic fight - which Jason still claims to this day Dick cheated - Dick proceed to sit on Jason and show him little stalker Tim's photos and of course, brag that he had the most pictures.

Jason knew that it had been Dick's way of showing Jason that Tim hadn't replaced him but admired him and wanted to save Bruce from himself which Dick backed his claim by showing him cowl footage of Bruce beating up petty criminals just stealing to feed their families needed to be hospitalized, their bills magical paid by a small hacker.

It loosened something in Jason's that he hadn't been replaced and that the old man loved and mourned him, he just wished that Bruce didn't lose himself in the darkness and have to be saved by Tim but now he understands why Tim is considered Batman Light.

It took weeks for Jason to track down Tim and find him without his shadow Black Bat, there were few people that scared him and at the top of that list is Cassandra Cain-Wayne who was extremely protective over her little brother Tim. It hadn't been easy to get Cass to understand that he didn't mean any harm to Tim.

"What do you want Hood?" Tim asked and Jason could see the tight grip he had on his bo staff.

"Here this is for you." Jason thrust the camera he had hunted down for Tim.

Tim looked at it in awe, "Thank you, Jason."

The last thing Jason expected was for Tim to dart forward and place a quick kiss on his cheek.

Frozen Jason could do nothing but hold his cheek where Tim had kissed him as he watched the other man grapple away.

It took a month later before Jason managed to work up the courage to ask Tim out. Something Roy still teased him about.

Jason was all for Tim's love for photography; he just wasn't thrilled about his subject.

"Who is the best kitty ever? You are, yes you are." Tim cooed.

Jason still had no clue how the hell Tim managed to adopt Dex-Starr the Red Lantern of all cats.

"Are you pouting? Are you upset that Dex-Starr is getting all of Timmy's attention?" Dick teased.

Jason sent a glare at the all too amused Dick who was hanging around for some reason. Crossing his arms Jason leveled a glare at Dick, "Who was it who sulked for two weeks when he was denied cuddles from Tim because Dex-Starr hissed at him as he snuggled Tim?" Jason reminded his older brother.

A dark cloud appeared over Dick's head one that disappeared the moment Jason laughed and the next thing Dick was letting out a small war cry as he tackled Jason.

Tim ignored his brawling boyfriend and older brother as he kept taking photos of his beloved cat. "You are such a good kitty."

Later that night Tim straddled Jason's tank-like thighs and happily took photos of his boyfriend. "You don't have anything to worry about, you are the only one I photograph like this."

Grasping Tim's hips Jason growled out, "I better be baby bird, I better be. Because I don't share what is mine and you are mine."

Putting aside his camera Tim lowered his body so it rested atop of Jason's, "I like being yours. Now why don't you make sure everyone knows it?"

Flipping them over so Tim was beneath him Jason kissed Tim deeply and passionately and it didn't take long for Tim to beg Jason for more.

In his room, Dex curled up on his top-of-the-line cat bed and ignored his human and his mate mating.

[bklynmusicnerd]

GH Catch Up Part Three:

- Laura getting all giddy trying to get the sociopathic mooch to play family with her. Just tragic and embarrassing.

Finally, some Trina and Portia interaction! Wish it was longer but I'll take it. Trina thanking Portia for her tentative olive branch to Spencer and Portia admitting she's "not sold" yet was interesting. It's never not gonna amuse me how Portia can never just take the win. Trina has forgiven for her paternity disaster and doesn't know the full extent of her plotting against her happiness.

She should be making every effort to stay on Trina's good side, but control is too important for her, so even an olive branch to Trina's boyfriend is issued with a caveat. I also think it's important to peep BK's acting choices during that hug with Trina.

She's still very bothered by the idea of Trina and Spencer, which puts an asterisk over whatever alleged progress Portia is making on the "be less controlling" front. We'll see but I fear her toxic mom tendencies might doom her again. She can say she's letting go but actually doing it is another thing.

- Joss coming through with Adam and Dumb Dex is cracking me up. And Carly already knows Adam's name too. This is what Dex deserves is all I have to say.

- Of course Kristina is going to be the egg donor because this is the Maxie story all over again. Riveting stuff.

- God, Amnesia Esme is insufferable. Fuck her and her cheap shot at Trina denying her an absolution she didn't earn. Crying about not being afforded "grace" as if it's something she's entitled to. This is why this character will never work as a longterm one. If she's not scheming, all she provides are tears and whining. No capacity for self-reflection quickly makes for a dull character if they're not being played as the antagonist they're meant to be.

- Marshall is going straight to hell for using the memory of the dead woman he ghosted to cover up for his weirdness with Stella.

- Spencer's brain synapses are functioning again since he's the only who picked up on how completely fucking bizarre it is for a first time mother to abandon her baby for "me time" on Christmas Eve. Pour one out for Kevin who has officially joined the useful idiots brigade and thinks his sociopathic mooch of a niece was being "sincere". Starting to think Laura's hell house could be explained by an unknown mold issue because brain cells are not lasting for long in that house.

- If Nina has reached Catholic levels of guilt and wants to participate in confession then she might as well just tell Sonny. I don't know why she'd be married to someone she doesn't believe would be on her side through thick and thin.

- I'm not here for Trina being compared to that long suffering woman that Curtis called a mother. No thank you.

- Do not care about the "anguish" of Amnesia Esme getting her memories back and having it confirmed that she's a sociopath. Tired of the wide-eyed weepy bullshit with this character. It's not convincing. It's just played out. The very fact that her immediate next steps upon getting her first memory were to abandon her demon spawn to go break into Wyndemere prove that Trina was right about her memory being irrelevant. Her "redemption" was bullshit. She successfully weaponized her demon spawn like she was always going to pre-amnesia, what's so redemptive about that? She was always going to be a sociopath and do sociopathic shit, no matter what, because she doesn't have the capacity for genuine remorse or to think about anything or anyone beyond herself, not even her own demon spawn.

- Trina and Spencer (and demon spawn) meeting up at the hospital was cute, and I appreciated the subtle acknowledgment of their improved communication because Trina already knew Spencer was gonna be on his domestic crap on Christmas Eve before sociopathic mooch switched up the plan. Essentially, their big fight/almost breakup wasn't meaningless and has had a lasting effect on their relationship.

- Bonus: Even though no one has talked more shit about demon spawn existing on the canvas than me, I would be lying if I didn't admit that one of the funniest ongoing bits of the year was demon spawn being the number one fan of his mom's enemy.

- Finn has no business reading the Night Before Christmas, it should've been Kevin with Laura. Even if Finn wasn't one of the most hated characters this year, he's not a patriarch or respected member of PC like that. He's definitely not on par with Laura. A bizarre decision to end a bizarrely scripted episode.

[anyathefandom]

To Those Fortunate Enough chapter 32:

@burned-lariat

"...Everything alright?" Dante asked as Alexis hung up the phone.

"I wish. Nikolas is angry that he was locked out of Cassadine Industries."

"Locked out?"

"He can't access any accounts related to it. Professional, financial, he's been completely stonewalled."

Victor the next time he sees Nikolas:

"Right," Laura nodded, "It sounds like a lot has happened while Valentin, Anna, and I were in Switzerland."

"Dante lost his job, Nikolas and I lost our businesses," Alexis began, "and with our luck, you might've lost your power as DA."

Me: It's forever fuck Victor over here but I gotta respect his power

"May I come in?" she asked gently.

Dex remained silent, staring at her.

"Please?"

He gestured to the open stool next to him. Irina smoothed down her white dress, patterned with stitched flowers, as she took her seat.

Me: The way you stayed true to her being the woman in white���

"It…I was so devastated as a kid. Losing you was horrible…and you quit on me at that. You're my mother; mothers don't quit on their kids. God, the hurt that I felt…I couldn't stop crying. I was six, seven, and I couldn't fall asleep at night because I wanted my mother next to me, holding me tight and protecting me. And sometimes Dad would come in and try to make things better, but he wasn't you. He didn't have your comfort and warmth, he wasn't attached to me the way you were…the way I was to you. I've been hurt so much by so many people and so many things, but nothing hurt worse than being without you."

"I know," Irina nodded, tears flowing down her face, "and I'm so sorry I put you through that. Truly."

"That being said…" Dex paused, trying to recall the images that flashed in his head when he woke up. The memories were there, but the sights and voices weren't. His encounter with Helena was no more than a bizarre fever dream, and though he couldn't describe it, he knew it happened, "if you didn't do what you did, I probably wouldn't be alive. You…you gave me up because you genuinely cared about me, because you loved me, and I didn't acknowledge that…and I'm sorry. I should've understood how hard everything was for you too, and I'm sorry I was being so difficult and rude about it to you."

Me: I was like 🥺 the whole time up until he mentioned his encounter with Helena which made me laugh and go "So now you understand why Irina decided to leave huh?🙈" That lady is traumatizing people from beyond the grave.😂

"Of course I do. I remember how you looked at me with this pure, unadulterated wonder when I finally got to hold you as a newborn. I remember how you'd sleep long hours because of how relaxed my private quarters were. I remember when you finally met your father: you grabbed the tip of his nose and giggled when he made a disapproving face. I remember all of that: those are my favorite memories."

Me:

Like wow i'm really am a soft bitch for the Heller family.

"Yeah," Dex chuckled, "As a kid, he used to have me read my school books, written in English, and recite the page to him in German."

"Did he," Irina giggled before taking a breath, "You know, German isn't all that your father taught me. I lived such a sheltered, isolated life, and meeting your father allowed me to have a taste of the world."

"...Really."

"Mhm. One of my favorite lessons from him was music. He'd sing these songs and show me how to sing them."

Me: The little peaks into their past life has me in a chokehold. That's family right there.

"Got a favorite?"

"I do," Irina smiled, "Lay back and relax."

Dex did as he was told, his back pressed against the hospital bed and his head resting against the pillow. Almost immediately, his eyes fluttered shut.

"Before you go to sleep, say a little prayer," Irina began, shaking his hand, "Every day, in every way, it's getting better and better…"

Me: WAAAAAIT A DAMN MINUTE I LOVE THAT SONG!!! *Starts to sing along*

She watched her son's body relax, his breathing slow and calm, "Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy…"

Her grip on his hand loosened and she got to her feet, "Darling, darling, darling, darling son."

She gently kissed his forehead one last time, "Sleep well, Dexter. You'll be out of here in no time, I promise," she walked to the open door in the ICU room, taking one last look at her son's sleeping form, "...I love you."

Me: let me tell you this chapter has to be my favorite so far. You can never go wrong with these sweet Heller family moments.🥰

Sidenote: Also learning (but not surprised) that Wallace has taste.😌

[myfairkatiecat]

OMG MORE OLIVIA RODRIGO KOTLC OVERANALYZATIONS FROM SOMEONE BESIDES ME

(I have so many thoughts about Lacy and KOTLC, actually. I have SO many characters I think it’s perfect for.)

Lacy but it’s Marella before the books begin feeling like it’s not fair that Biana just gets everything and is just perfect and beautiful (they don’t even know each other) (Biana’s life isn’t perfect) (Marella pretends to hate the Vackers but more than anything she despises herself for wishing she was one)

Lacy but it’s the real reason Stina hates Sophie. Why does she get to come out of nowhere from a human family and be adored but people still whisper about the stupid matchmaking scandal her parents may or may not have been a part of? Why does everyone love her? What’s so attractive about her anyway? She’s not even that pretty. (She is pretty and stina hates it.) why does she get to be the leader? (Why do I wish I got to be her.)

Lacy but it’s Dex about Fitz early on or be for the series starts. He’s just a stupid entitled Vacker. Nobody cares that he manifested so early. (Dex cares.) no one cares about his stupid perfect family. (Dex cares, though.) no one cares less than Dex how much attention the Vackers get and how Perfect Fitz appears. (No one cares more than Dex, who doesn’t yet have an ability and whose family has faced a bunch of stupid scorn because of the parents and siblings he loves.)

Lacy but it’s Fitz about Keefe because why is he allowed to be imperfect. Fitz has to be perfect and even then it isn’t enough. (Fitz knows that isn’t fair. He knows what Keefe’s home life is like.) He shouldn’t be jealous of his best friend when his life is obviously perfect. (His life isn’t perfect. Is it okay for him to think that? With all of his privelege? He should be quiet.) he can skip class a flirt shamelessly with girls and wear his hair and clothes messed up and everyone loves him anyway. (could Fitz skip class if he wanted? Would it be cool if he did it? He can’t even imagine it. Of course he’ll be a good student.) (what if he didn’t perfect his looks every morning? What if he wasn’t perfectly put together? Why is that something that’s only okay for Keefe?) and the stupid thing is that Keefe still manages grades at the top of the class despite never going because of his stupid photographic memory. (Being imperfectly perfect seems so much easier than being perfectly perfect. He can never achieve being perfectly perfect.) (he’s already made that his personality. He can’t stop now.) of course Sophie loves him. Of course she does. He isn’t even surprised anymore.

And of course, Lacy in the way you just described it above.

(You knew I was gonna hop on this post didn’t you)

Lacy by Olivia Rodrigo

but it's Fitz being simultaneously resentful, angry, and jealous of the image that's expected of him vs reality. Bro is haunted by himself. his inner child is always crying over the way he can never be enough for himself. <3

Lacy by Olivia Rodrigo

but it's just Alvar hating his little brother <3

"Ooh, I care, I care, I care Like ribbons in your hair My stomach's all in knots You got the one thing that I want" <- Perfection.

"Ooh, I try, I try, I try Try to rationalize People are people But it's like you're made of angel dust" <- never being allowed to just be a person bc you are striving to be 'made of angel dust' even tho that's unattainable.

"Lacy, oh, Lacy, it's like you're out to get me You poison every little thing that I do Lacy, oh, Lacy, I just loathe you lately And I despise my jealous eyes and how hard they fell for you Yeah, I despise my rotten mind and how much it worships you" <- the version of Fitz that is idolized in his own brain and in others, and how It haunts his every waking thought. I'm back on my 'he sees himself from 3rd person' bullshit <3

[becauseicantthinkwritings]

Never Quite Enough

Part 3

Part 1 // Part 2

Warnings: Angst, heartbreak, overhearing mean comments, kissing.

"I wish I never met him." You say to the ginger cat.

Butter meows in response.

"Yeah, I think I'd rather he never came up to me at all. Then I could live in ignorance."

You think for a moment, wiggling your index finger under one of his pink paws, hissing when his claws extend to catch at your skin.

"I think not knowing what his laughter tasted like would have been easier." You continue, even though your furry friend doesn't say a word.

You swallow, listening to the jingle of his collar as he rolls over.

"He really is a terrible man."

Butter agrees.

.

You look at the e-mail with a little frown. You can hear sounds of excitement as everyone reads it. There's a garden brunch on Saturday, and you marvel at all the mixers and parties Billy allows in order to keep morale high. It seems to be working, and you think there are probably so many people loyal to the company because of it. This time, you notice that plus ones are invited, and there's a special prize as well.

You sigh, glancing at the antique ring on your finger.

It takes Dex all of one minute before he's at your desk.

"Are you gonna bring Matt?"

You blink at the audacity.

"I'll have to ask." You murmur, looking up at him.

Dex nods, you watch his curly hair bounce in thought.

"I hope he comes. It'll put some rumours to rest."

You almost hate to ask.

"What rumours?"

He steps around the table to stand by your side.

"You didn't hear it from me, but Stacy in Marketing thinks you made him up- but when I heard I stood up for you- but also I don't know who else she's told."

Fucking Stacy.

"Look," you say with a shake of your head, "I'll try to bring him, but if he can't come then there's nothing I can do."

Dex nods, "Yeah I totally get it, Fuck Stacy."

You smile, surprised that his thoughts were in line with yours.

You talk for a few more minutes before he's pulled away.

.

Not many people had known you'd been dating Billy in the first place. It had been mostly the people working around him that had any idea. You'd bent over backwards to make sure no one in your department knew, but Stacy had once found you kissing Billy in the broom closet on the third floor and you knew she knew more than she was supposed to. Billy had asked her not to say anything, yet it just seemed like she was working overtime on a loophole to expose your past relationship.

You wonder why she was so intent on saying all these bad things about you- was she jealous? Or just angry? She probably still thought you and Billy were together, perhaps attempting to spin a story that you'd slept your way to the top, but she couldn't say anything directly, knowing that it would be traced back to her.

It barely mattered to you anyway, until your boss asked casually if you would be bringing Matt to the brunch, and you knew that Stacy's storytelling had gotten to him as well.

You had to take a moment to tell yourself that despite the toxic work environment, this job had many perks to benefit from. You'd struggle to find a good dental plan elsewhere.

.

Butter meows in protest as you knock on your upstairs neighbour's door. He'd torn a paper bag to shreds in your bedroom when you'd found him, and hadn't appreciated being taken from his throne of scraps.

You hear footsteps at the door and then a pause.

"Hello?" A deep voice calls.

You smile at the peephole embedded into the door.

"I believe you're missing an inmate?" You say casually, jingling the little bell on Butter's collar.

Your mouth drops open when he opens the door.

Hot.

Steaming.

He's wearing a plain white t-shirt and boxers.

"So you're his co-parent, hmm?" He asks.

"Yeah," you say, introducing yourself to him.

He smiles, widens his door a little, as something of an invitation.

"I'm Matt." He says in greeting, and you resist the urge to tell him that you know. "Want to come in?"

You probably should have said no, but something about Matt just puts you at ease, disarms you into relaxing around him. The next thing you know, you're putting Butter down on the floor of Matt's living room.

"I hope he hasn't been too much trouble. Honestly I'm glad he's letting someone with proper eyes look him over." Matt says.

You look up at him in confusion.

"You... don't have proper eyes?" You ask slowly, unsure if he's joking or not.

Matt laughs and waves his hands in front of his face.

"I'm like ninety-five percent blind." He informs you.

"Oh, sorry... I didn't know." You mumble, feeling a little awkward, hoping you haven't offended him in any way.

"It's fine, I get by, and Butter chirps if to let me know if I'm about to sit on him."

That gets a laugh out of you, that you cut short when you realise your laugh sounds horrendous.

Matt's smiling along and it hits you with a sense of familiarity, a sweet smile from a man you think wouldn't mind what you have to say.

"So, I did something terrible." You blurt, blinking in horror at your lack of filter.

"Did you?" Matt asks with a tilt of his head.

You nod, taking a seat on his couch with a sigh.

"I was constantly being bothered at work, hit on, you know- asked on dates so I lied."

Matt comes around to sit on the opposite end of the couch. Butter jumps right into his lap. He adjusts the cat accordingly.

"I told everyone I had a boyfriend, and when it wasn't enough... I- I bought a ring." You raise your hand to show him before realising that he can't see it and dropping your hand in embarrassment.

"And now you're asking me to be your pretend boyfriend?"

You raise your head at him in surprise. He gives you a warm smile and you gulp, feeling your heart speed up.

"How did you know?" You ask.

"I mean, it's maybe a little obvious? Just the way you started your story and I kinda figured where this was going." He leans back, "Plus there are a ton of movies about the exact thing."

You smile.

"I know we just met, but there's a party on Saturday, and I'd be honoured if I could introduce you as my fiance, so that everyone would stop bothering me."

Matt nods, his deft fingers roaming in Butter's fur. The cat in question smacks at Matt's hand after a few moments.

"You know we'll have to act like a couple right? Maybe kiss a little?"

"That's okay, I'm not uncomfortable with it. I just-" You let out a slow sigh.

"I just want people to leave me alone."

He nods in understanding, a smile on his face.

"What's the dress code?"

.

"It's perfect." Billy says, admiring the crown of wildflowers.

"Are you sure? There are opinions of peonies and roses available, the wildflowers aren't as... sophisticated."

Billy wasn't going for sophisticated. Billy wanted rustic, untamed, wild and ethereal and you'd look amazing wearing it. Then everyone would see, everyone would appreciate you.

"It's perfect." He repeats to the florist, not taking his eyes from the thistle, trying to imagine it sitting on your head, the smile you'd give him that would spear his heart.

When she leaves, Frank steps in a few minutes later.

"She RSVPED with a plus one." Frank says in greeting.

It's the first time Billy tears his eyes from the crown. His chest burns for a second.

"You're serious?" Billy asks, watching Frank nod.

"She's got someone."

"There's no way." Billy hisses vehemently, walking around to his desk to sit.

"Stop being in denial. This is happening." Frank says calmly.

Billy's forehead thumps against his desk. A moment of silence before he speaks again.

"I just want her back so bad. I don't think I'll be able to look at her with someone else."

Frank puts a firm hand on his shoulder.

"You need to tell her everything, but also let her make her own choices."

Billy's head is still pressed to the table as he nods his head, he tries to understand, but deep down he knows that seeing you with someone else is going to rip him apart.

.

Matt definitely looks better than you do. You smile at him and you try not to acknowledge that they're already going to like him more than they like you.

When he asks for your guidance to the uber, you gladly link your arms in his.

"This isn't too fast for you?" You ask curiously, "I mean, we just met and I'm going to introduce you as my soon-to-be husband?"

Matt has the decency to look shy when he smiles, and for the first time in a while, your heart gives a solid kick.

"It is really fast," Matt agrees, "but honestly, I could never resist someone in need of help."

Your heart swells, you open the taxi door, smiling at the driver, confirming the address.

"And," he adds in, leaning into you a little and you catch hints of his cologne, "honestly, I maybe owe you for being so nice to Butter. He isn't... well... he isn't known for his sweetness."

A smile pulls on your lips thinking about the rambunctious feline.

"He is a troublemaker." You agree in passing and Matt grins.

"Where did you get him?"

When Matt's smile falters, you try to backtrack.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't-"

"-It's fine, it's okay, it's an innocent question." Matt interrupts, one of his warm hands covering yours.

"Butter belonged to my ex. When we broke up, it was really hard, and she left him behind so I wouldn't have to be alone."

"She sounds amazing." You whisper.

"She was, but I couldn't give her what she wanted, and she was smart to leave."

You frown, reaching up to squeeze his shoulder. You wish you could say something to comfort him, but you can't, you can't lie and tell him it gets better when you're actively avoiding your emotions, wishing you didn't ever exist because you didn't want to feel ever again. Thankfully, the reassuring squeeze is enough in the moment.

.

"I don't mean to point out the flaws in your plan, but we never even came up with a backstory." Matt says, standing on the sidewalk near the venue.

You break into laughter.

"Oh Matt," you say with an affectionate tone, "No one's going to ask me any questions. Nobody likes me." You feel your chest squeeze.

Matt frowns at you, but keeps walking.

"I'm sure that's not true." He says.

"It is, but anyway, we met a month ago, we hit it off, and now we're dating, don't mention the engagement unless someone asks. If you're not sure about an answer, squeeze my hand. And just," You bump your shoulders against his, "keep it light."

You paint a smile on your face as you enter the building. An usher guides you out back to the prettiest garden party you've ever seen.

The tables are filled with gorgeous flowers, only accentuated with white tablecloths, to bring out the colours. There are butterflies everywhere, attracted by the sweet nectar-filled flowers. Your breath catches on the ropes of wisteria hanging from above.

"Describe it to me." Matt says beside you, and you look at him with a smile.

"It's gorgeous," you say, "something out of a fairytale, there are flowers everywhere, every colour and shape. And so many butterflies, the blue morpho and the green hairstreak and the clouded yellow and-" You pause, realising you've shared a bit too much about yourself.

"You know a lot about butterflies." Matt murmurs, your eyes squeeze shut.

"Yeah, sorry, I get distracted." You say on a rushed breath.

"No, it's okay, I'd like to hear about them, they sound beautiful."

You swallow, glad you don't have to fake a smile for him.

"I'm actually a little thirsty. Are you?"

Matt accepts the conversation change, extending his elbow to you.

"Lead the way."

.

Even the drinks have flowers in them. A sprig of lavender in your prosecco, and a yellow viola in Matt's whiskey. The bartender is happy to let you know that all the flowers in the food and drink are edible, but you already know that.

"I didn't have a chance to ask before, but what are you wearing?" Matt asks.

A little laugh escapes your throat, and then a larger one when he raises his eyebrows in question.

"Sorry, its not a question that's usually asked without an innuendo." You explain, "I'm wearing a pink dress."

Matt smiles, "Floor length?"

"Yeah, and there's a slit on one leg."

"That sounds beautiful, I bet you look breathtaking." He says to you.

Your smile falls.

"Thank you." You murmur to him.

"You don't believe me?"

No, you respond internally, but you're spared from answering when someone says your name.

Dex happily approaches, and you smile at him.

He takes you into a hug, that makes you a little confused since this is the first time he's ever displayed that level of affection toward you.

"This must be Matt!" Dex says and you smile.

You introduce both men, and it's very easy and casual, you listen to the conversation, learning all the details you can about Matt, considering that you didn't really know him at all.

Your mistake is letting your eyes wander, admiring the decor, watching a white butterfly touch your shoulder on its way to a purple coneflower.

It's how you find him. Dressed in a white shirt, his broad back to you as he talks to someone. He looks busy, and there's a warm tug in your stomach as you momentarily forget his crimes. You could blame it on the atmosphere, one that's too serene for the incredible heartbreak you're in. But you forget, and when he turns, scans the room, meets your eyes and gives you a little smile, you feel inclined to give him a little smile back.

Until he looks beside you, and his smile drops.

He's got to be a really incredible actor, for you to be able to witness what you can only describe as heartbreak in his eyes, lasting only a moment before a stoic expression takes its place.

Somehow, you manage to feel sorry for him, when you know you shouldn't. You think that time has made you softer to his betrayal in some way, a thought that sparks anger.

You look away from him, back to Matt,  quietly reminding yourself of Billy's bad deeds.

Your entire relationship had been fake. When he'd held you tight after sex, it hadn't been real, when he'd tugged you into a random closet at work, palming at your ass, telling you that he couldn't go another second without you. That had been fake too.

Matt squeezes your hand as Dex excuses himself to greet other people. You look up at him with a smile.

"Are you okay?" Matt asks.

"Yeah, you're doing good." You reply.

"Of course I am, I make a good fake boyfriend."

That makes you laugh.

"Well I think Dex is probably the one person that would ask the most amount of questions, so I think we're safe for now."

Matt grins.

"Want another drink?"

"Sure." You say, heading back to the little bar.

.

Billy can only watch you together with him and hate himself.

It's the first time he's seeing you genuinely laugh since the break up, and though you're laughing with that guy, you're still laughing and he likes that.

His chest is filled with this mixture of happiness and agony. Happy to see you smile, even if it doesn't really meet your eyes, and pain that you're not smiling at him.

What Billy wouldn't give to have you smile at him.

It's why he did all of this after all. He'd memorised all the flowers you'd told him you liked, from that time you shyly showed him your cottagecore Pinterest board, and he'd tried to get as much of them as possible. He knew you liked butterflies too, after he'd heard you gushing about them to Andrew- which was how the bet had started in the first place. It hadn't been easy to bring in that many butterflies, but he'd done it, because every time you smiled at one, his heart would skip a beat.

He wanted you back so badly it hurt. He was determined to not let you go.

He'd do anything for your smile.

.

When you start to feel hungry, there's a lovely table serving an array of bite sized foods, beautifully crafted and delicious, it's odd, that there are so many things you like, in beautiful styles that accentuate the theme of the party.

The food spans a large range, from savoury crab cakes and meatballs to sweet minuscule cheesecakes. Even the vegan options are amazing and you enjoy sampling everything willingly.

Matt is delightful, asking you what he's stabbed his little fork into before he places it into his mouth and you get to appreciate him deep in thought while he assesses all the flavours.

"Thank you for coming with me." You say to him softly, bumping his shoulder.

He smiles.

"I'm happy to. Honestly, I haven't done anything like this since- well... you know..."

You wanted to ask what he meant by 'this', but you think you'd wait till the end of the day to make any kind of corrections on Matt's assumptions.

"It's honestly pretty lame when you're alone." You confess to him, looking around and remembering a time you weren't quite so alone in places like these. Too bad it was fake.

You blink, sighing with the weight of your pain.

"Can I confess something to you?" Matt asks, and you nod, raising your head to look up at him.

When he only waits expectantly, you realise your mistake.

"Oh, um, yeah."

He grins.

"You nodded, didn't you."

"Yes." You say shyly.

"Don't fret, happens all the time. Anyway-" he steps in closer, and your eyes widen. His hand moves over your shoulder so that he hugs you from the side.

"I have a superpower." He whispers to you.

You gulp.

"Oh?"

He nods.

"Losing my sight made my hearing really really good."

"...Right." you say, confused.

"It means I can pick up on things that you're trying to hide. Something else happened, didn't it?"

"What- what makes you say that?" You whisper to him.

"Because there's a man standing across the room facing us, and he's really pissed."

You don't look immediately. You blink at Matt for a long moment.

"How do you know he's pissed?" You ask.

"Heavy breathing. Racing heart. His fists are clenched."

"You can hear his fists clenching?" You ask in disbelief.

"Why don't you take a look and tell me." He challenges.

You do it casually, turning and pretending you're really looking for something in the room and when your eyes meet Billy's- he glances away.

"I can't see his hands, they're in his pockets." You murmur, and Matt hums in acceptance.

"Is he an old boyfriend?" He asks.

You turn back to him in surprise.

"You got all that from his heartbeat and his fists?" You ask, amazed.

"Not just him. You too."

Your shoulders sag in realisation.

"Oh. Yeah. We broke up a couple of weeks ago." You mumble looking down at the ground.

Matt pulls you in closer, his hand slipping down your shoulder and cupping your hip gently. The sensation is a little uncomfortable, especially since you barely know him.

"Is that the real reason you asked me here? To make him jealous?"

Your frown deepens.

"Jealous? N-no he doesn't even like me. I really just needed help with my coworkers and you've done that so well."

Matt seems to think for a long moment. Gradually, you grow used to his touch.

"So why do you think he's pissed?" He asks you.

You ponder for a moment, wondering how much to tell him. An orange monarch flutters by. You fight the urge to look back at Billy.

"I think he's mad because he's trying to get me back to prove a point. To prove that he can."

Matt doesn't respond, and when you open your mouth to ask a question, you're distracted by a little crowd gathering. A woman steps up, her voice is gentle and commanding. You think she's one of the newer media managers, and she looks delighted to announce that there's a prize to be won.

You have a little epiphany when you see the flower crown. It's something right out of your daydreams, you remember cooing in delight when you first saw something like it in a movie you were both watching. You were tucked into his side, your bare legs intertwined with his.

"I love flower crowns so much." You'd said, admiring each actress wearing one. Billy had hummed, deep in thought, and you didn't think he'd remembered a detail so minuscule.

"The flowers on those don't look like anything special. Wouldn't roses be prettier?" He'd asked. 

You'd simply told him no, that the flowers were beautiful because they were basic. A seemingly pretty item turned beautiful with just a bit more care and attention. Something you'd always wished about yourself. That you could be an ordinary thing made more beautiful by the things around you.

You hold your breath when you meet his eyes, unable to do both with the raw emotion inside you. Across the room, he's looking right back at you. The ache takes a second to hit you.

Do you really see me? You wonder, or was this just another game?

"Oh wow, it's really pretty, like in that movie! The weird one... with the cult." Someone says.

Midsommar.

It had become one of your favourite movies.

"The horror?" Another person asks, "With that girl from that other thing?"

Yes. Midsommar, you think, inching forward to look at the crown. Matt moves curiously with you, but you're not really paying attention to him as much.

"I can't remember the name of the movie. What was it again?" The first person continues speaking.

It's Midsommar. It's Midsommar. It's Midsommar.

"It's Midsommar." He says, and you swallow because he's right beside you now, and when he turns to glance at you, and you feel your stomach flip, everything makes sense.

It had been designed all for you.

The flowers, the butterflies, the food, the drink, even the crown...

Billy had thrown this entire event for you.

It's bittersweet. There's a warmth in your heart and a pang in your throat and you love it but you're in pain and you're barely aware that Billy is introducing himself to Matt.

"Hey, Billy Russo, Anvil CEO." He says extending a hand.

"Matt Murdock. Attorney." Matt responds, not extending his hand in return.

There's an awkward moment of silence before you lean in toward Matt.

"He's got a hand out for you to shake." You whisper and Matt makes a sound of realisation, reaching for Billy's hand.

"Apologies, I keep forgetting that without my stick, I look like I can see."

You try not to laugh and fail a little.

When Billy asks what Matt's relationship to you is, you feel your heart jump into your throat. Which was ridiculous. It's not like Billy liked you anyway.

"Matt's my boyfriend." You answer for Matt, knowing that Billy would see through your engagement story. It had only been around three weeks since you'd ended things with him. Saying that Matt was your fiance would raise too many flags.

Billy's eyes move to yours. A pained expression flits across his face before his features settle into a stony mask.

He nods, leaning away from you.

"Well, I hope you two have a nice time. Nice meeting you Matt."

Matt doesn't get a chance to respond before Billy turns and walks away.

"Well now I know for a fact that he likes you." Matt confesses when you're out of earshot of anyone else.

"How so?" You say softly to him, too deep in your head, concern for Billy eating at you.

"Everytime he looks at you. His heart races."

You look at Matt. You really look at him.

"It can't be true. He broke my heart." You murmur in that same soft voice.

Matt doesn't try to protest, a comforting hand on your shoulder.

"Come on, let's go for a walk in the little maze people keep talking about."

.

Billy's hands shake as he walks away from you.

A boyfriend? So soon? Billy was still trying to get his feet back under him after losing you and you'd taken the time to find a boyfriend?

He was probably just a rebound. Someone you could use to take your mind off of him, but the thought of you getting over him was sour through and through.

He tosses back two whiskeys before he can focus.

It felt like shattering. Like being consumed from the inside out. There was you, and there was someone beside you that wasn't him and in the time it takes Frank to find him, Billy begs any god listening for a second chance.

Frank's hand slaps down affectionately on Billy's shoulder.

"How are we doing?" Frank's asks.

Billy takes a third drink.

"I'm an asshole." He responds.

"You got that right." Frank agrees.

"I didn't think she would- I just want to-" Billy sighs in frustration, frowning when he can't get the words out.

"Sometimes there's a voice inside of me calling me to do bad things. The first time I heard that voice shut up was when I was with her."

Frank takes a sip of his drink.

"I hear that brother," he sympathises, "the war never really leaves us, right?"

"...right." Billy agrees.

"Don't give up just yet. The plan might be a little longer, but it's a good plan. Castles don't quit."

Billy's mouth curves up. He was a Castle too.

"Thanks Frank. That means a lot."

He gives Billy a reassuring nod.

.

"What a fucking douchebag." Is Matt's first response when you explain Billy's betrayal.

You laugh, loudly, before catching yourself and smothering the sound.

"Yeah." You say, voice laced with humour, "It is what it is."

"Okay, but, you're not annoying. Like, at all." Matt argues.

"Thanks." You say, believing that he only thinks like that because you've been holding back on him, fighting the urge to ramble at every opportunity.

The walls of the maze are a little high above your head and you giggle when you get to a crossroads and you turn one way and Matt turns the other way.

"Come on. Let's go this way."

You don't even bother to think about it.

"Okay, sure."

He leads you down a dead end, to a statue of Aphrodite, standing behind a white marble bench.

"How did you know this was here?" You ask, amazed.

"There's something here? I have no idea." Matt responds.

"It's a white statue of Aphrodite, standing on a seashell, her hair is flowing. It's a popular one."

When you get close enough, you guide one of Matt's hands to her knee, so that he has an idea of the texture.

"You're familiar with Greek gods too?"

You look down with a little bit of shame in your expression.

"Yeah..."

"Don't be shy about it, it's really cool. What do you know about her?"

You look up at her, and you give Matt a quick summary of her violent origins. Born from the sea foam of her father's decapitated testicles.

"Ouch." Matt sympathises.

You grin at him, bumping his shoulder with yours playfully.

"Someone's coming." Matt says, turning his head to listen. You go quiet too, you think you can barely hear what he hears.

"Stacy, I think her name is... and a few more people."

"Fucking Stacy." You whisper to yourself.

Matt grins.

"You don't like her?"

"She started the rumour that you were fake in the first place."

Matt hums in thought.

"Wanna give them something to talk about?"

You smile at him.

When the group stumbles upon the two of you, they find Matt's arms wrapped securely around you, kissing you breathless.

You break apart at the first gasp you hear and you smile, apologising to the group, before tugging at Matt and pulling him past.

You're both laughing wildly as you escape the maze. You suck in air, quickly let out on staccato breaths and you only pause when you turn your head to realise how public the space you're in really is.

Your lips don't tingle, not like the first time they did when you kissed- him, but you still find that you're willing to do it again, because Matt's a very very good kisser.

"Sorry if it was bad for you." You say to him, worried that kissing you, like everything else about you, was unpleasant.

"Are you kidding? You were amazing." Matt's expression sobers.

"Did someone tell you that you were bad at it? Because they'd be insane."

"No, no, no," you say quickly, "I'm just... making sure."

He grins, leans forward, kissing your cheek gently.

"I'd do that all day if you'd let me." Matt whispers seductively in your ear, and your mouth drops open in shock and arousal.

"Oh, you are trouble, Matthew Murdock." You say, taking his hand and heading back to the bar with him.

.

It's hard to pretend you don't notice... but you catch some people talking about you. It's subtle, and it's not a lot of people, but it's the way they glance at you every now and then that gives it away.

You try to ignore it, you realise you hate the way it feels, wishing you hadn't been caught kissing Matt in the first place.

Your shoulders drop. You hated this feeling. You look up again and make eye contact with one of them. They look away, laughing.

Maybe you really should quit.

Between this and Billy- you really begin to debate how necessary your job is.

You look down at your feet.

Why weren't you made to be someone better? Why did you have to be this way?

You sip your drink forlornly, only raising your head when the caged ball begins to spin. You look up, watching the little papers inside the ball toss and tumble as it turns, curious to see which name would be chosen.

Matt, who'd been busy taking a call, returns to your side as the ball stops rolling.

"Sorry about that." He says to you, and you turn your head to look at him, smiling.

"It's okay, you didn't miss anything." You say on a hushed breath.

"I missed you." He responds easily, and you grin at him, not hearing the first time your name is called.

You turn your head in surprise as your name is called again. Marissa, who you'd learned was the new media consultant, looks around the room expectantly.

"I think you just won." Matt says, a firm hand on the small of your back pushing you forward and your mouth drops open in surprise.

You take a hesitant step, and then people begin applauding for you when they catch sight.

The lights at the front are bright, and they dazzle you when you get closer, weaving through the small crowd of people to approach a smiling Marissa.

You swallow when she ushers you toward an expectant Billy.

Had he planned this?

You can't help the excitement that simmers inside of you when he reaches for the leafy crown. It's gorgeous and it's going on your head and for the first time in a long while, you let your excitement show on your face.

You don't look at him when he places it on your head, but when it's finally there, you build up the courage to meet his eye. You can't help the genuinely happy smile that spreads on your face. He gives you a pleased look in return.

The crown prickles your scalp as you tilt your head a little, accommodating for the weight of it. He leans forward until his face is beside yours, you resist the urge to make a sound as his cheek brushes yours, his beard rubbing harmlessly against your face.

"You're beautiful." He says softly, and you close your eyes tight for a second, squeezing both hands into fists for a moment, unable to process all your feelings about this.

Thankfully, you're in public, and everyone is watching you, which means Billy doesn't have a chance to say anything else, and you can smile gracefully and step away from him without any excuse.

.

It hurts to watch you walk away.

You're a vision with the crown of flowers on your head and your dress flowing around you and you remind him of some goddess he once read about that was so beautiful that a dark being fell in love with her and he thinks he feels the same because he wants to beg on his knees for just a second more in your presence.

He'd do it so easily that it scares him. He's never knelt for another soul willingly but he would for you because he knows you.

The knowing is the worst part.

The sound of your laughter on his lips and your quiet gasps in his ear and the way he made you wriggle in the morning with ticklish kisses to all your most sensitive spots and Billy knows too much.

He knows what Matt tastes when he kisses you next, when you return to his side and Billy watches him slowly lean in to place a firm kiss on your lips. The way he felt when your lips were on his is seared into his head except that he's forgetting how it actually felt and there's something inside Billy that's cracking from the pain.

It's unlike anything he's ever felt before, like being set on fire, or breaking every bone in his body, maybe those things would hurt less than this.

You laugh at something Matt says when he pulls back, but it doesn't meet your eyes. Billy watches you take his hands and help him feel around the crown of flowers, and you both smile together.

He doesn't realise that everyone has already dissipated back into their casual conversations until Frank squeezes his shoulder.

"You're staring." Frank says.

"I love her." Billy murmurs, half in realisation, half in fear.

Frank squeezes his shoulder in sympathy, unable to say anything.

.

When Matt stiffens during your little ramble of the flowers on your head, you pause.

You watch him turn his head in the direction of Billy and Frank conversing across the room and you frown.

"Am I talking too much?" You ask in a small voice.

He turns his head back to you quickly.

"Not at all, sorry I just got a little distracted for a moment there. You were saying?"

"The um... purple ones are daisies... they're little and have a yellow centre."

"Sounds very pretty." Matt hums.

You smile, a real one, and you feel the happiness wash over you.

"They are very pretty I'm so excited." You confess.

Matt smiles along with you.

"I can tell, I bet you look beautiful. I'm sure you do."

You swallow, a little smile tilting on your face. He looks so unbelievably genuine when he says it, you have to glance away to collect your feelings.

The rest of the evening is good, so many people give you compliments on your look and you feel like your face hurts from all the smiling you've done. There are some butterflies attracted to the flowers in your crown and you're happy to allow the company hired photographer to take a few shots of you alone, and then of you and Matt and Dex and some other coworkers.

You try your hardest not to ramble on about the flowers or the butterflies, keeping your answers short and you think that it's what probably makes people like you a little bit more.

It doesn't last, and you should have known better.

You're in the corridor outside the bathroom when you hear it. A small group of people around the corner from where you are, talking.

"I heard her going on about the different flowers on the crown to her fiance. I feel so sorry that the poor guy had to go through that." One voice says, and the words make you freeze. It was clearly about you.

"I know right! Does she ever shut up?" You hear someone else speak, and you begin to back away in shame.

"He's lucky he's blind because I wouldn't want to-"

You can't listen to any more, turning on your heel and immediately stopping short when you catch Billy standing behind you.

You know he's heard what they said, same as you, standing too close to the corner to pretend you haven't heard that it's you they're making fun of, their voices loud, echoing down the hall.

His eyes are dark, and filled with denial on your behalf. He gives a little  shake of his head.

It's not true, he seems to say.

Your heart screams in your chest, and you don't say a word, you keep your face calm, walking around him and heading down the corridor, back the way you came.

You dart into the first empty room you can find, a room with various pieces of art settled on the walls and a white bench in the middle for viewing. You take in a deep breath, and you let out a big sigh, felling every ounce of happiness drain out of you completely. You wonder about all the annoying things you've done and said to deserve those comments. You should have just kept to yourself. You shouldn't have left the safety of your apartment at all.

You fight the tears, numb from the pain, and aching for a release that you're not ready to give.

.

It's where he finds you, sitting on a little marble bench in the middle of the room. Your back is to him as he steps forward. Billy thinks hard about what he's going to say. He thinks simply about the revenge he's going to get on your behalf

.

You hated being you. Nothing would change that. You should have learned by not that people would never like you for you.

"None of that was true." He says behind you, and you let out another long sigh, your shoulders drop at his words.

You don't say anything, reaching up to take the stupid crown off your head and look at the little leaves and wildflowers woven in.

Billy sits in the spot beside you.

"Do you hear me? Nothing about you is even remotely annoying."

You swallow the lump in your throat. What a load of bullshit he was serving you.

You raise your head, blinking back tears. You should have known you couldn't be happy for long.

"I love hearing you talk about the things you like. You get so happy and I love seeing you happy because it makes me happy too." Billy continues, even though you haven't spoken.

"Stop." You whisper with a shaky voice.

"You can hate me how much you want. I won't have you believe lies. Those fuckers are just jealous of you."

"Jealous of what, Billy? My dumb sense of humour? My weird, niche interests? My ugly laugh?" You stop talking to take deep breaths. Trying to push the sorrowful feeling away.

"None of that is-"

"It doesn't matter." You say with a shake of your head, cutting him off.

Your breath catches when he slides in closer. Your leg is pressed to his, your shoulder to his, you look up at him in surprise as a tear spills down your face.

He reaches for the handkerchief in his breast pocket, dabbing the plum material over your cheek to soak up the tear without pulling any of your makeup off.

"You are gorgeous, and smart and witty and sure, maybe your sense of humour isn't for everyone, but no one's humour is. But I think you're funny, and I love the way you smile, and I think people are jealous of you because you've got that light inside you that makes to stand out in a room even when you're not trying." Billy says.

You don't look at him, because he's looking at you, and you're afraid to look into his eyes because you're afraid of what you might find... and what you may not.

You give a shake of your head.

"I'm nothing special." You murmur, moving to give him the flower crown, placing it onto his lap.

You watch his hands pick up the crown.

"You are the most special person. I'd spend the rest of my life proving that to you if I have to."

He raises the crown, and gently, sets it back on your head.

You finally look up to meet his warm eyes. Your heart stutters in your chest. His words couldn't be true, they couldn't be anything more than a game.

He cups your cheek, leaning in.

You wonder if this could be a part of the bet. If it is, you think you're okay with letting it happen.

You close your eyes as his nose brushes yours, his face slants a little to allow his lips to meet yours.

It's only one kiss, but it stretches for lifetimes and you wouldn't have it any other way. His hand is still on your cheek, his thumb brushing your skin in soothing movements, you feel your body relax, your mind clears. Kissing him pushes away the bad thoughts, it makes you feel whole, and for a moment, it's just you and him in frozen time, being reminded of how amazing being with him was.

Before-

You break the kiss slowly, looking away from him, feeling lighter than you have in days.

"Why did you do that?" You whisper, too afraid that your voice will break whatever link you have to him- however fragile it might already be.

"Because I wanted to." He says lowly, as if he understands the delicate nature of things.

You swallow, standing up on shaky legs, wobbling a little as your feet protest the distance from him.

"I should go." You say, turning away, never meeting his eye as you walk out the door.

You don't see the way his shoulders drop.

.

.

.

[chokemeanakin]

Give Me Love

Chapter Three

Wc: 2.3k

MASTERLIST

All along, Anakin knew what he was doing. He could sense the crush you had on him since the night he had thanked you for saving Ahsoka. He didn’t even have to reach out to feel the effect he had on you-- your force signature sizzled with nerves, so strong sometimes it twisted his own gut.

He thought it was cute, until he realized the strength of your anxiety hadn’t faded, even weeks after you had first met. Then, he grew worried. Was your bashfulness not of infatuation? Were you actually scared of him? What had he done to make you feel that way?

His concerns grew stronger as he tried time and time again to catch your eye. To get you to carry a conversation with him. He would watch you from across the room, laughing and gesturing wildly with your hands as you talked with Sabe and Ahsoka. But when he came around, always, you would pull away-- duck your head, soften your voice, recede back into that shell of yours. He just wanted you to talk to him.

So when the opportunity to walk you home from Dex’s came from his scheming Padawan, there was no way he could refuse. Sure, he’d just gotten done with his Jedi duties for the day, and he was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to shower and hit the pillow. But your company and attention was dangled over his head— a chance to understand you better, understand why you avoided him like the plague-- obviously he had to take it.

That night, it was confirmed that you liked him. You liked him a lot. He felt the waves of your burning heart crackle over his skin, sink its way into his own veins. He was giddy with flatter, but something else buzzed at the back of his mind. It added a pep to his walk as he raced down the apartment steps, opening the door up to the fresh night air, sucking in a deep breath to soothe his sparking nerves at the sudden revelation:

He liked you.

He had suspected, when your sweet face appeared in his dreams for the third night in a row. And then, when he heard your timid voice come over Ahsoka’s com—

“Hello, General Skywalker”— his stomach did a funny little flip.

When he had said your name in the starfighter hangar, he felt that gushing warmth leak off of your force signature, and a similar feeling encouraged a fond triumph he felt at being able to get such a reaction from you.

And again when he knocked on the door to your workstation in the medbay— the one he found because Ahsoka had given him the room number after a careful inquisition— and he had seen you covered in blood like the first time you guys met.

That first day on Hyloth, he hadn’t really been paying attention. His Padawan had very nearly died, and he couldn’t focus on the wide-eyed fawn sitting across from him that had just worked magic with her hands, saving his apprentice’s life.

But now, the thought of those steely eyes had him spurning to action. He had been searching for an excuse to get you alone for weeks, when finally— that ticket to the hell-gates they call the Opera turned out to be his paradise in disguise. It was smooth sailing after that.

For you, it was all stress-tears, tugging hair, and trashed closets as Sabe and Ahsoka struggled to help find you something to wear.

“You’re going to come right from your shift,” Sabè pointed out. “Why can’t you just stay in your scrubs?”

“Anakin said we could stop here if I wanted to change,” you answered meekly. “I can’t go to dinner with him in scrubs!”

“But you like your scrubs.”

“He probably doesn’t.”

“Y/n,” Ahsoka caught you by the shoulders. You sniffed tearfully. “Get ahold of yourself. Anakin does not care. You could be wearing a trash bag, for Force sake, and he’d still like you.”

“He’d— what?”

Ahsoka paled. Sabè snickered.

Her words played over and over in your mind on a tape reel. He’d still like you. He’d still like you. He’d still like you.

He likes me?

Your face erupted into flame, and your heart stuttered in your chest. All thoughts left your head except for those four glorious words, growing louder and louder with each passing second, sounding less and less like a dream.

He likes me!

“Gaahh,” Ahsoka moaned, throwing herself onto your bed and crossing her arms fitfully. “This is so training school. I did not tell you that.”

Her sharp Togruta teeth made an appearance at the request/threat, and you nodded automatically. Your head was still fuzzy, but you found your lips moving.

“Did he… did he tell you that?”

90% of you still didn’t believe it. You trusted Ahsoka with every bone in your body, and Ahsoka had no reason to lie, but for some reason you just could not absorb the fact that Anakin motherfucking Skywalker might like you.

It was impossible.

“He didn’t have to,” Ahsoka rolled her eyes. “I know my Master like the back of my hand.”

“But… but how do you know?”

“Please, have you seen the way he looks at you? He’s constantly asking about you— ‘Have you seen Y/n today? Has she done something different with her hair? Will she be coming by the mess hall later? Why doesn’t she want to talk to me?’ He even asked me what your station number was in the medbay yesterday so he could find you— and he thought he was being sneaky about it.”

All these new revelations coming out.. they punched you in the stomach, one by one. The thud of your heart became thick, and your breathing grew labored. Sabè heard the telltale whistle first, and her hand flew to the bedside drawer.

“Easy there, iron-lung,” she teased, tossing you your inhaler. It smacked into your palm, but the flesh was numb as you fumbled with the cap to get it off. You fit the opening between your lips and pressed on the top. The medicine dispensed into your throat, and you sucked in to force it to take action in your lungs. Ahsoka chewed on her lip as she waited for you to inhale another dose before she spoke again.

“You really like him that much?” Her voice was soft.

You nodded, pouting and capping your inhaler. If it wasn’t obvious, you were head over heels for Anakin. You thought she was just now beginning to get the true depth of your feelings.

“Okay,” she ran two stressed hands over her face. “Okay.”

If this was any other Jedi you were talking to, you would have been nervous. The Order forbids attachment, meaning Jedi cannot be in relationships. They can’t love exclusively. They can’t hold a romantic position in anyone’s life.

That’s why you had tried to hide your feelings about Ahsoka’s Master from her at first. Why she had such a hard time getting it out of you— you naturally assumed she was just as strict on that rule as the rest of the Jedi. But then… after a girls night out, where you, Sabè, and Ahsoka were sitting at a table in a nightclub, having some fun and shooting back far too many shots… she let the truth slip out.

Too many truths, really, and none her own.

She slurred about how angry Anakin made her. How he kept secrets from her, and how much it hurt that he wouldn’t trust her. Trust her with what?

With his relationship.

You and Sabè had reeled back, and then laughed. Anakin? In a relationship? Impossible! Ridiculous! It was forbidden. But Ahsoka wasn’t laughing. She explained how he was in love with Padme Amidala, the Senator from Naboo.

Sabè stopped laughing. That was her boss, and she was second in command to the woman. They worked closely together all their lives. You watched as Sabè’s mind whirled, and slowly the pieces clicked together.

It could make sense. I’ve seen her slip away a few times… seen her come back all flushed and giddy… like a girl in love.

Your heart dropped. It had been plummeting ever since Ahsoka mentioned Anakin was in a relationship. It felt like it was being torn out straight from your chest.

That’s not allowed, you protested. As if that could change anything.

You should know by now, Anakin rarely cares for the rules. He’s loved Padme since he was a little boy— nothing was going to stop him from having her.

You tried to hide your wince with each stinging word. More than anything else, you wanted to just stop talking about it. To forget you ever found out, and live in that blissful fantasy you’d created in your mind where anything was possible. Every new truth that saw light felt like an ice cold bucket over your head, smudging out your burning heart. But you had to ask, just to see her stance on it...

You’ve been keeping it a secret?

Of course I’m keeping it a secret. I know he’d do the same for me. And she made him happy, so I didn’t really see the harm. Sometimes… I wish I could have what he and Padme had. I think it should be allowed.

And then.

Anyway, it doesn’t matter now. He was a wreck when they broke up. Wouldn’t talk to anyone for days. Not even me. Why won’t he trust me?

Your heart paused in it’s free-fall.

Why’d they… why’d they break up, do you think?

I did overhear him and Obi-Wan discuss her when they thought I was sleeping. Obi-Wan was asking why the two never spoke anymore when they had once been great friends. All Anakin said was that she was using him for political gain. ‘She had the voice, but I made it echo,’ is what he said. It makes sense. The Senate views him as a hero, and if they knew she was good friends with him, more votes would sway in her direction.”

Your insides were spitting confetti, cheering bells ringing in your head. A calm ocean of relief washed over you— nothing to worry about. Anakin wasn’t taken. And Anakin had a history of dating. Which meant… feasibly… in your imagination… it wasn’t impossible for what you yearned for so desperately. Your silly little daydreams didn’t look so silly anymore.

It could happen.

Your mind took it and ran, conjuring up all sorts of scenarios where he took you in his arms and declared his love. You thought about it before you fell asleep, woke up to his fading voice swearing his loyalty to you over and over, played it through your head as you completed your everyday procedural tasks in the medbay. They were fantasies— ridiculous and impractical— but they were your comfort to quell the molten burn of your lava heart.

The day after, Ahsoka had woken up with a terrible hangover and an even terrible regret.

You can’t tell anyone I said that, she had cried— the first time you’d ever seen her cry. I promised myself I would never betray Anakin like that.

Of course you wouldn’t go to the Council. She really had to have more faith in you and Sabè. His secret was safe with you, and so was Ahsoka’s similar disregard for the “no attachment” rule.

That’s why you were comfortable with sharing your true feelings about Anakin with her— because you knew she would accept it for what they were, and not freak out and get Anakin kicked out of the order. She had romantic experiences before as well, all of which she’d come to you and Sabè for advice, and then a shoulder to lean on when they didn’t work out.

You really thought the Order should rethink that rule. Two of their greatest Jedi have broken it, and they’re still doing good work for them.

But alas, it had to remain a secret. Just like Anakin’s feelings for you, as it so gloriously turned out.

“Wear the scrubs,” Ahsoka finally got her thoughts in order. She sat up and poked you on the cheek. “He likes seeing you in your element.”

“It’ll take a lot less time, as well,” Sabè chimed in, always the voice of reason. “Dex’s is 8 blocks over. It would be ridiculous to go from the Temple, here, and then backtrack 10 blocks just so you can put on a dress. Besides, it’s Dex’s.”

She was right. You didn’t need to look fancy at all. And if Anakin liked seeing you in your scrubs… well…

Excitement began to battle out the nerves. But— you were still so nervous. You couldn’t help it. It had your stomach churning, nausea rising steadily as each second that passed brought you closer to your dinner with Anakin. Now, with the excitement coupled in, your nerves were beginning to feel burnt out, your mind frazzled and weary. You sat down heavily onto the bed next to Ahsoka, rubbing your forehead with your fingers.

“I can’t take this stress,” you admitted. It was one thing to be buzzing with it every second that Anakin occupied space in your mind. It was another to admit it to your friends out loud— to give in to the insecurities.

“You can,” Sabè leveled a steady gaze into you. Her brown eyes were warm and brave. A politician's confidence with a freedom-fighter’s heart. “Just think of what could happen if things turn out amazing. Think of how proud of yourself you’ll be.”

“Besides, it’s just Anakin,” Ahsoka tried to hammer that statement into you once again, with little luck. “He already likes you. You have nothing to lose.”

Taglist:

@a-sterism @artiza-n @monamourani @haydens-moles @anakinlove @ani-skyvvalker @sarahb1024 @anakinsbestgirl @etherealsanakin @anakinswhore @lucasfilms77 @lolquarth @jedi-general

(Sorry some of these don’t tag?)

Join the taglist!

[song-tam]

So I Wrote You A Song - Tam x Keefe

A/N: So this is finally done? I’m freaking out because this idea has been circling in my head for a while and I am so glad it is finally done! This is basically a high school!band!AU and I did headcanons about the four keeper boys being in a band here, which was kind of the inspiration to do a oneshot. Plus, I’m absolute Kam trash as well... and yes I did write an actual fucking song purely for the sake of the oneshot I’m just that extra don’t judge me and enjoy! (also let’s pretend Elwin adopted Keefe shall we, cassius sencen who?)

Warnings: I think there’s like a minor curse word in there but other than that pure kam fluff

Word Count: 1.4K

Taglist: @stardustanddaffodils @dreaminq-out-loud @sunset-telepath @summer-waves9764 @falling-drops-of-rain @jenniecrushed @jaxtheshade @beautifuldaysahead​ @bianavacker-is-bi-as-hell @the-genius-behind-the-mask​ @real-smooth @scribblesnsketches05 @the-sky-isnt-blueee @spreadyourwingsandfly @cadence-talle @linhamon2 ​ @xonar-verse​ @an-absolute-travesty​ @hershis-kotlc​ @turquoise-skyyyy​ @blxckh0les42​ @completekeefitztrash​ @gay-paladin-of-etheria​ @the-robins-chronicles @the-angel-of-all-storms

Read on AO3

“Okay, I don’t care what any of you say, but you sounded awesome!” Biana shrieked as the boys finished playing their latest song. “Best you’ve ever played, in fact.” The brunette had quickly become their biggest fan after they’d started playing for an audience, constantly stopping by rehearsals, screaming about them to everyone she met, and nominating herself Crystal Gambit’s manager--and she actually did a pretty good job; half the gigs they’d landed wouldn’t have happened without her.

“You say that every rehearsal,” Fitz grinned. “The sentiment is appreciated, though.”

“Oh, you were kind of awful,” Biana replied, “but the rest of you rocked it.”

Fitz scowled, and the others laughed, but in truth, Fitz was probably the best musician out of all four of them. Or the best singer, at least--his voice was amazing.

“But, Tam,” Biana continued, spinning around to face him, “you killed on the drums. I have no words.”

Tam gave her a small smile. If he was being honest, he never really knew what to do when Biana--or anyone really--complimented him. “Thanks, Bi.”

“And the new song you wrote,” Biana pressed, “what are you calling it again? You kept talking about it and now I’m excited so--”

“Wait,” Keefe interrupted, holding a hand out to stop Biana from rambling. “New song? What new song?”

Fitz looked just as confused as Keefe, but Dex knew exactly what Biana was talking about, and at least the periwinkle-eyed boy had the sense to save Tam from confessing. “Biana’s talking about that song Tam showed us earlier,” Dex lied. “Y’know, the work in progress. It’s a rough draft, Bi, and Tam’s only written the chorus.”

Biana caught on quickly and her eyes widened as she realized her mistake. “Oh. Oh. Yeah, for some reason I thought it was finished… um, but the chorus was great! I’m looking forward to the rest of it. Anyway, uh,” she grabbed her backpack and her brother’s arm, “Fitz and I should probably get going. Mom wants us home a little earlier today.”

“Thanks for the save,” Tam whispered to Dex as Fitz and Biana left.

Dex winked. “No problem. I know you aren’t ready to sing him the song yet.”

“Well, actually… I’m planning on confessing soon. Just not in front of an audience.”

“Well, good luck. Not that you’ll need it.”

“I’m going to need all the luck I can get, Dex.”

Dex snorted. “Come on. Everyone can see the way you two look at each other. Honestly, it’s surprising you two aren’t dating already.”

Before Tam could stammer out a response, Keefe slung his arms around both him and Dex. “Guys, don’t leave me out of this secret,” the blond pouted. “I’m lonely.”

Tam rolled his eyes, but really he was trying not to blush at how incredibly close the two of them were standing together. He was not going to think about how Keefe’s arm was around his shoulder, how Keefe smelled like vanilla, and--

Shut up, brain, Tam commanded himself.

“Shit,” Dex muttered, looking down at his watch. “You guys are gonna have to leave… Mom’s insisting that we go out for dinner, sorry...” But one look in his direction and Tam knew that Dex wasn’t the least bit sorry, that he didn’t have to go anywhere, and that this was all an act to get Keefe and Tam to be alone.

“Don’t worry about it,” Keefe said cluelessly. “Bangs Boy and I have some things to discuss.”

“Do we?” Tam cocked an eyebrow.

“Yes,” Keefe said stubbornly, dropping his arm from Tam’s shoulder and grabbing his hand instead, dragging him out of the garage and outside. “Come on, come to my house--Elwin’s making dinner, he won’t mind if there’s another person.” Keefe smiled and Tam’s heart started doing cartwheels.

Honestly, Keefe, Tam thought as he stared at their intertwined hands. I’m already in love with you, so stop making me fall even harder, goddammit.

Before he knew what he was doing, Tam pulled out of Keefe’s grip and studied his reaction. Keefe seemed fairly indifferent to it, though his brows seemed to furrow a bit… but maybe Tam was just imagining things. Maybe it was all just wishful thinking.

But… every passing touch, every soft smile. It always felt like there was something more between every glance they shared, every word they said. There was more to the two of them, more to their relationship than they were admitting.

“Since when do you have an acoustic guitar?” Tam asked as they entered Keefe’s messy bedroom.

“Well, you started learning,” Keefe said with a one-shouldered shrug. “I couldn’t let you one-up me, now could I?”

Tam rolled his eyes. “Always a rivalry with you.”

“Only with you, Bangs Boy, you’re special that way.” Keefe winked. “Anyway, what’s that song Biana was talking about? The one you haven’t shown to me and Fitzy?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Tam fibbed.

Keefe looked at him with raised eyebrows. “You’re really gonna try and hide it? Come on, dude, I know you--and I know whatever you’ve written will be even better.”

“It isn’t a song for the band, it’s… it was just something I wrote.”

“So there is a song! But even if it isn’t for an audience, or even for rhe four of us to play, I want to hear you. So,” Keefe gestured to his guitar, “can I hear it?”

Tam hesitated for a second. Was he really ready to do this? Ready to confess. Yes, he thought. I’m tired of him not knowing how I feel. I’m tired of not knowing if he feels the same.

He summoned courage, strummed the opening chords on the guitar, and started to sing.

There’s something that I’ve been meaning to say A truth I’ve been hiding for who knows how long My heart holds a secret, it’s been kept locked away And you might think it isn’t real, that I’ve got it wrong

But I think I kind of love you When I’m lost in the dark, you’re my light I know how cliche it sounds but it’s true I promise, it’s true that I love you

I know after this you might hate me And I won’t blame you if you don’t feel the same But I had to tell you, had to set these words free Because I think you like me too, so can we stop playing this game?

I think I kind of love you When I’m lost in the dark, you’re my light I know how cliche it sounds but it’s true I promise, it’s true that I love you

Why do we keep dancing around our feelings? Why do we keep pretending that this isn’t real? Because it is I know it is, and I know you know too So can we maybe just try this Try this and see where it goes?

I think I kind of love you When I’m lost in the dark, you’re my light I know how cliche it sounds but it’s true I promise, it’s true that I love you

Tam opened his eyes, watching Keefe’s expression, worried of what he might say. This is it, it’s over, a voice inside told himself, but another part said, You did it.

“Was,” Keefe said softly as he connected the dots, “was that about me?”

Tam nodded slowly, still studying Keefe’s face. “Um. Yeah, yeah it was. And… it was all true.”

Keefe shook his head dazedly, not saying anything, just staring at the floor.

“Keefe? Say something, please.”

The blond looked up to meet Tam’s eyes, and Tam gulped, wondering if this was it, when he was rejected, when his heart was broken, when--

Suddenly Keefe’s lips were on his and they were kissing and oh.

The kiss was everything. It was soft, and sweet, and filled with yearning and love and dreams and felt like fireworks. He tastes like vanilla, Tam noted.

Keefe pulled away for breath, and Tam felt a teensy bit disappointed, but that feeling was lost in the thought that Oh my God, I just kissed Keefe Sencen.

“In case you haven’t noticed,” Keefe whispered softly, “I love you too.”

Tam felt euphoric at his words, it was all he’d been wanting to hear for he couldn’t remember how long. “Do you know how long I’ve been wanting to do that?”

“Enjoyed that kiss, huh?”

“Just shut up and kiss me again, will you?”

[violet-t-9]

Check in on my (not very realistic) wish list for episode 139

1. Nobody dies in the potential battle against Lucien/the Somnovem? I will be fine with temporary unconciousness but please nobody actually dies? Will they even fight? What was going on with the cliffhanger? I have so many questions!

Hey nobody died! Nobody even went unconscious. Can't believe we have a part 2 to this epic boss fight. This showdown is awesome! At least we know what will happen next episode.

2. The group uses their new eye powers for something (group telepathy will be hilarious, especially accidental) or just in general goof off with their new eyes.

NVM we are doing the boss fight right now

3. Beau or Caleb discover more new eye functions that we have not seen before (antimagic cone anyone? Does the eye location have any meaning? Lucien’s was also on the chest right?)

NVM we are doing the boss fight right now. If the locations mean anything, so far it's not revealed.

4. We get to see more of the party members’ new powers/abilities since they levelled up and got a long rest! Let’s gooo.

MOTIVATIONAL SPEECH thanks Cad. It's a new power we haven't seen before! Caleb knows gravity fissure now, apparently! Fjord and Veth also considered using new abilities before the break. Jester used contagion on Lucien! It was a nice try.

5. They get some sort of contact with/update from the material plane (i.e. their family, Yussa, or anybody else I guess just not Trent please), it’s been a while I wonder what’s going on over there. Has Jester’s parent trap succeeded fully yet? Has the assembly been investigated yet? Has Yussa figured out what the Nein did with his emergency exit gift? How are Yeza and Luc doing in the crime bar? Is the Dynasty looking into Essek? So many possibilities.

NVM we are doing the boss fight right now

6. The M9 succeed in stopping the city from going to the material plane and find a way to potentially destroy it by the end of the episode.

It appears that them plane shifting the crest away actually does ensure that the city cannot return to the material plane, that's great news! Also, I assume destroying Lucien would be a good first step to destroying the city.

7. Beau and Yasha continue to fight like the power couple they are and to indulge in PDA in the flesh horror city (because why not). Bonus: we find out Yasha’s plans for Beau’s red cape/the cape is used by Beau in the episode.

The discussion between Beau, Yasha and Veth LMAO. Oh NO Yasha is fighting Beau again - that natural 1 though! The miss! Another natural 1! The power of love!!!! Yasha also used the battle cry to protect Beau!

8. Fjord and Jester continue to be domestic and supportive of each other in these trying times because they are great. Bonus: more Sprinkle/Artagan mentions or interactions.

Jester and Fjord starting strong with the dirty/natural 20's! Also "I'd rather you wear it" "Fjord, it's so expensive!" They are so cute. Ayy Sprinkle/Artagan both got fed the Heroes' Feast! The excitement over the ring finally working lol. "Imma cast it at 4th level" lol Jester really tried her best to remove his slow and it worked!

9. Obligatory wish for Essek’s fancy dunamancy or magical items (Bonus: STILL hoping to see more high-damage AOE offensive spells that Essek has never cast because of the party placement, dark star anybody?).

The trapped haste spell MmmMm. GRAVITY FISSURE YAY hot spell flavour is hot. THANK YOU for that dispel magic on Yasha Essek you are the best. Nice magic missile but he is out in the open oh nO he is charmed oh no is he going to dark star the party?? Wheww thank you Caleb for the dispel, at fifth level too! He was so going to dark star Lucien if Cad was not pulled.

10. Obligatory wish for Caleb’s polymorph spell on himself or a party member. Actually, let’s expand to any party member’s polymorph! Give me those sweet polymorph interactions.

NVM we are doing the boss fight right now

11. The party tries to reach Lucien by mentioning Molly and Lucien actually having a physical reaction to their words.

Wow that was a physical reaction alright, definitely to Jester and Caleb's mention of Molly's name. Jester's song also had an effect. Everybody is trying yay! Well, it was worth a try. BEAU'S bonus action Gustuv talk made him lose a legendary action WOW. Fjord's, Caleb's attempt also succeeded. In round 2, Beau removed 1 legendary action, followed by Jester

12. Obligatory wish for Essek’s room in the tower (it will stay until it happens).

NVM we are doing the boss fight right now

13. Obligatory wish for Cad being a MVP in and out of combat because he always is.

CAD what a good pep talk I love you. Path to the grave and also the reaction war caster blight, very nice.

14. I NEED MORE RP PLEASE like last week’s high intensity combat was fun but I miss one-on-one conversations give them to me thank you. Longer conversations are even better.

NVM we are doing the boss fight right now, however there was a lot of Molly RP involved.

15. Everybody being super freaked out/creeped out by the terrible flesh city thanks to Matt’s wonderfully detailed and awesome descriptions.

The damaged state of the city, how it leans towards Lucien's cocoon thing and Lucien's transformation... OH NO the stalks not the tentacle stalks.

16.  At least one of the party members get mind-influenced/charmed by some effect during the combat (well at least Caleb’s got mind blank and Veth got intellect fortress, but I would be surprised if there was no mind shenanigans).

Well, I knew it would happen. Gaudius, the eye of longing/love that did not affect Beau DID charm Yasha with a failed wis save and Yasha attacked Beau, again. However thanks to Essek it didn't last long!

17. Somebody check in a bit on Essek’s mental state because he is clearly not entirely desensitized as seen from last episode. At least he got a full rest so physically he is fine (just squishy, like wizards are).

Hey Essek got to open up a little bit before their final fight, so that was great.

18. Caleb uses more fire or his customized spells or just any cool spells in general I guess because what’s sexier than wizards NOTHING I’m still hyped from last week.

Gravity fissure already?? Sweet max damage, despite the save! Caleb you can literally just copy any spell you see cast can't you, high int wizard I love you. Also the use of that potion and the scroll were pretty smart too.

19. We learn more about Lucien’s motives and what he is actually trying to do, or more about the Somnovem’s different? motives because I was very confused last episode. Lucien wants to “parent” the Somnovem by bombing them with 10 intuit charges, like okay are you sure you are not trying to kill them? Then again, if that doesn’t severely damage the Somnovem I don’t know what will.

Well we now know that Lucien has all the Somnovem power inside himself now and is still very much wanting to bring back the city - at least he can't right now because of the threshold crest they got rid of last session. This clarifies a lot. I guess the "parenting" was to weaken the Somnovem for him to absorb them all into himself?

20. Obligatory wish for everyone to remain relatively happy and alive by the end of the episode except Lucien, and the episode ends on a terrifying cliffhanger as always.

I mean, should have known that Lucien cannot be killed in 1 session. Otherwise though, what an episode! What a session! Absolutely amazing.

Bonus:

ESSEK IS MAKING A JOKE LMAO I can't with this man, he is also giving everybody spells/gifts, cute - I guess wizards all have the save love language.

CALEB IS ABOVE 100 HP thank you Jester for that 17 roll from Heroes' Feast! I knew you'd do it. The feast was so crucial in their combat too, what a queen. Caleb always be covering his friends in his anti-aberration cone, and burning Lucien's legendary reactions. Great moves.

Veth are you... horny for Lucien??? LMAO

OH NO Gaudius on Essek this is the alternative Essek bossfight timeline OH NO but at the same time YES the angst- oh nvm Caleb thanks lol.

Extra - combat notes for my record:

Saves minus # eyes

Elatis - Excitement, pulling the target 120 ft towards Lucien + eye.

Ira - Rage, fireball effect AOE damage.

Fastidan - Disgust (wilting dull green) necrotic damage

Luctus - Grief (Dex save), slow spell effect.

Timorei - fear effect, but negated by Heroes' feast immunity.

Culpasi - guilt (Con save) disadvantage on saving throws +...

Miramus - (wis save)

Vigilan - the eye that moves/emanates the anti-magic cone

Gaudius - (wis save) charm effect

WHAT A FIGHT! I can't wait for part 2 and hopefully that's Lucien's final form. I did not think that the Molly influence will have such a profound effect, but I sure am glad it did! Everyone was so amazing in this combat, I love it all.

[enbies-and-felonies]

Heather

@illavarasi @lemontarto @clearlykeefitz @book-limerence @sprintingkoala @anna-without-an-e  @everyonehasthoughts @ultralazycreatorfan @vibing-in-the-void @impostertamsong @littlemisscupcake @keeper-of-the-lost-queers @dragonwinnie @an-absolute-travesty @callas-starkflower-stew

~writing strike is over~

Summary: Fitz watches as he slowly loses Keefe, based off of this post.

warnings: internalized homophobia, swearing, general angst (and a rant that ties in heavily to current events) and caps (yelling)

~I still remember, before I brought her to the cities~

He was beautiful. Fitz had told a joke and now Keefe was laughing, and he was beautiful. Fitz wondered why his father had glared at the two men they had seen kissing at the Atlantis tea shop they had been visiting that evening. Kissing Keefe would have felt so. Right.

But he was only thirteen, so what did Fitz know?

~you and I together / you said we’d be forever, and I had hoped it was true~

“Another pair of crush cuffs,” Keefe said mockingly, but his smirk betrayed his words.

Fitz rolled his eyes. “I’m not gonna wear them anyway, I don’t like her.” He didn’t like any of the girls.

“Well why not?! I’m sure-” Keefe paused to read the cuff’s, “-Azula is a darling girl.” 

“I couldn't care less. Girls are too... complicated. I’d much rather just hang out with someone I already know I like.”

Keefe flopped onto the bed beside him, “Like your best friend? Who got you all the ladies to begin with?” He turned over to his side and waggled his eyebrows at Fitz, who rolled his eyes in response.

“Girls break people’s hearts. They leave.” Fitz said. Not my heart, he thought.

“Well, I’ll never leave you, Roy. We’ll be forever besties.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

~ only if you knew, how much I liked you / but I watch your eyes as she / walks by ~

“So Foster was obviously not sleeping, like she always does, and I-” 

Keefe was rambling about Sophie, and Fitz’s heart was breaking. It was breaking and it didn’t matter because he was gay and he could never have been with Keefe anyway, but why did Keefe have to love her? Why couldn’t he just stay with Fitz forever?

“-but I guess it didn’t matter because after that she looked at me with those doe eyes, and Princey? I think- I think I might be falling for her.”

~replacing me in your mind, smile brighter than the sun in the sky / she’s got you mesmerized, while I’m crying~

“Hey Keefe, do you want to hang out tonight? I got this super cool elixir from Dex, and I want to see how it turns out. It would be perfect for pranking your dad.” Fitz smiled hopefully. Sure, Keefe liked Sophie, but they were still friends, they could still-

“Sorry Roo, another time? Sophie and I, and Linh and Marella, are gonna go to Atlantis to check out this hair stylist. Sophie wants to see me in braids, and I don’t trust Biana with my lovely locks. I didn’t get this head of hair by trusting lesbians with it after all.” His eyes twinkled like they always did, and Fitz swallowed hard to ignore the twinge in his chest.

“No problem, Keefe. Another time.” His eyes prickled as the imparter went dark.

He wondered if Keefe remembered letting Fitz place a misshapen flower crown on his head after Fitz had painstakingly done small braids in his blonde hair. He wondered if he even cared.

~Why would you ever kiss me? / I’m not even half as pretty~

Fitz breathed in the sweet smell of Panakes flowers as he held Keefe’s hand, their fingers loosely linked.

“Hey, let’s dance.” Keefe tugged him to his feet, and Fitz dragged his gaze away from the stars.

“Why?” He asked, laughing, “We don’t even know how to.”

Keefe only grinned in response, so Fitz rolled his eyes and stood, placing his right hand on Keefe’s left shoulder and blushing when his breath hitched as Keefe placed his hand fully on Fitz’s waist. His ice-blue eyes twinkled and he smirked.

“I’ve got you, Roo.” He whispered, and Fitz let his heart race as Keefe pulled them close together, chests brushing, the side of his cheek brushing against Fitz’s ear.

And they danced, swaying gently back and forth, the only music the in-sync beating of their hearts.

Eventually Keefe drew back slightly, just enough to look Fitz in his teal eyes.

“May I...?” He whispered, breath feather-soft against Fitz’s lips. Keefe’s grip tightened on his hip as Fitz nodded, and he leaned in.

The brush of his lips was like a memory, and Fitz found himself closing his eyes as his heart burst into a thousand different colours of love and wistfulness and he felt complete and shattered at the same time-

He blinked as he woke up. A tear slid down the side of his face. He shut his eyes tight, trying recapture even the slightest moment from the dream, but it was gone.

~you gave her your artwork, its just pen and paper / but you like her better / (I wish I were Foster)~

“You’ve been pretty quiet lately, Wonderboy. What’s up?” Keefe lay on the floor, legs swinging as he sketched something. Fitz looked up from his book ‘Wuthering Heights’ (a human book that so far had been nothing but depressing) and sighed.

“I haven’t been sleeping well, and I don’t know why.” Half-truth, since he really hadn’t been sleeping well, but he knew exactly why. Just like he knew Keefe probably wouldn’t push it.

Or maybe he didn’t, because the next words out of Keefe’s mouth were, “Really? There seems to be more on your mind than just that, Roy.” He looked up from the paper and blew a strand of hair from his eyes.

Fitz closed his book. Convincing Keefe was going to be harder than he had assumed.

“I guess... I don’t know. I’m just...” FUCK FUCK FUCK, WHAT SHOULD HE SAY?! 

“I’m worried about the future. I mean, how is being thrown into one of the biggest historical upheavals going to affect us? We’re just kids!! But we’re being expected to fight these people, and the adults around us don’t even help us the way we need them to?? Years from now, will it even be over? Why do WE have to be the ones to change the world? 

“They don’t give us authority, but they burden us with responsibility. Do they honestly think it won’t affect us? The world is going to hell and we’re still expected to do good in school and keep our heads down like it isn’t OUR future that’s being shitted on. Like the people who have the power to do something aren’t sitting on their ASSES doing absolutely fucking NOTHING?!

“People can make as many fucking jokes about us being lazy, when in reality we’re fucking world weary at an age where we’re not even old enough to fucking DRINK.”

Damn, maybe he was better at covering the real reason for his sleep than he thought... At least this part wasn’t a lie.

“Fuck, Fitz. That’s heavy...” Keefe rolled over and sat up, “That’s what’s going on? Fuck, if I knew that I wouldn’t have teased you about it.”

 He opened his mouth like he was going to say something else, but the words changed before they came out, “I kinda feel the same way. I just don’t know what to do about it, so I make jokes. It doesn’t always help, but at least I don’t have to face the fear that.... well, y’know.”

They sat that way for a long, silent stretch before Fitz cleared his throat.

“Whatcha, um- What are ya drawing?”

Keefe looked at Fitz’s eyes another long second before picking up the piece of paper and studying it. “It’s a drawing for Foster. It’s when we rode on Silveny to heal her abilities. I figured it’d be a good gift since I plan on... I mean, I’m gonna try to ask her out.”

Oh.

Fitz forced a smile, “It looks good,  Keefe. She’ll love it.”

“You sure?” It was one of the only times Fitz had seen Keefe nervous, and for a moment Fitz was tempted to shout ‘NO, of COURSE not’ and jump across the room before tearing it to shreds, but then he was overcome by guilt and he nodded.

“I’m absolutely sure, Keefe,” He stated, voice thick, “Cognates, remember?”

Keefe took a deep breath, “Yeah, thanks Wonderboy.” He smiled and tucked the picture into his pocket.

Fitz turned back to his book, the tears in his eyes blurring the words into a mess.

~ Oohhh, Oooohhh, wish I were Foster~

She said yes. Of course she said yes. Keefe was perfect for her, and everyone could see it.

And Fitz was happy for them -they were his two best friends!- he just. Wished that it was Fitz that Keefe had been happy with. Wished that it was him that he had loved.

[grumpyhedgehogs]

(you taught me) the courage of stars

Summary: “I know what it is like, Ahsoka.” Obi-Wan tells her. “I know what it is to leave the Jedi with nothing more than the clothes on your back and the knowledge that you are doing the right thing.”

Or: Ahsoka Tano flees after a warrant for her arrest is issued, but not before receiving aid from an unexpected ally. (Ahsoka proceeds to go on a road trip filled with a bunch of strangers who all say the same thing: Obi-Wan Kenobi is much more than he has ever appeared to be.)

Warnings: Canon typical violence, abuse (childhood, emotional, physical, mental), mind control.

Pt. 1.

Pt. 2, Pt. 3, AO3 

Notes: 

This idea has been bopping around in my head for a WHILE, y'all. It's basically an amalgamation of my dreadful desire to put Obi-Wan through pain while also giving him some Therapy Because Boy-Howdy Does He Need It and my absolute adoration for Ahsoka Tano. The basic premise of this fic is: What would happen if when Ahsoka left the Order, she went on a road trip through all of the worst hits of Obi-Wan's childhood?

Bonding. Bonding is what would happen.

Title from 'Saturn' by Sleeping At Last.

Nautical Dawn

Ahsoka runs.

Rain sheets down around the togruta, digging into her skin like a million icy knives. Her soaked clothes weigh her down as she sprints blindly, plastered to her, dragging against her limbs. She is chilled to the bone, but not from the storm.

There is no one here to look closely, to separate her tears from the rest of the water obscuring her vision. She takes a turn, breath hitching beneath her ribs as she passes into a tunnel free of rainwater. There is a light at the end, beckoning, promising freedom. She’s almost out. She’s almost free.

She shouldn’t have to worry about being free.

Footsteps sound behind her as she runs, hurrying after her. Panic closes her throat and Ahsoka tilts, stumbling off balance. She throws out a hand, gasping as the Force rises to meet her command, buffeting her back to her feet. If she can just get to the end of the tunnel--

“Ahsoka, wait!”

Ahsoka had been prepared for Skyguy’s voice to ring out behind her. She’d seen the look on his face, knew he’d look for her when she ran. She’d been prepared for law enforcement, or even Master Windu or Koon to come looking for her--someone with experience hunting for Force Signatures on crowded planets. She’d thought she could do this. After all, if she could turn her back on Anakin, what couldn't she do?

Ahsoka hadn’t thought Master Kenobi would come for her.

“Stay back!” The words tear from her throat, scraping it raw. Her lips burn, her eyes burn. She whirls on him, knowing she must look crazed, deranged, animalistic. Good. Let him see what the Order has done to her. “Stay away!”

Further back down the tunnel, Obi-Wan Kenobi raises his hands to shoulder height and plants his feet. His fringe is plastered to his skin too, and his robes and armor drip rainwater steadily to the filthy concrete below, as if he’d simply bolted after her instead of manning a speeder or taking a transport. His chest heaves in time with Ahsoka’s. Her muscles clench and release, her spine a hot iron rod in her back. The Force whispers in her ears, loud, wanting attention. But Ahsoka pushes it away. It’s hard to hear the Force on Coruscant, sometimes almost painful; there are too many Force Signatures here, and too much turmoil clouding her perception. She can’t let it distract her now.

“I’m not going to hurt you, Ahsoka.” Obi-Wan says. His face twists with the words. Ahsoka wonders if he’s noticed her tears.

“Don’t come near me. I won’t go back to the Temple.” You can’t make me, she almost continues, but the words can’t be forced from her mouth. She bites her tongue instead, shuffling back, and ignores the tang of blood. The whole thing is almost laughable; in any other situation she’d sound like a petulant teenager. Master Kenobi wants her to go to her room. You can’t ground me because I’m not part of this family anymore!  

Ahsoka feels sick. She takes another step back. She sees Obi-Wan’s eyes widen. He does not move.

“I’m not trying to take you back to the Temple.”

The words make no sense; they sound like static in her ears. Nerves make Ahsoka snarl at him. It’s a trick, it has to be; the great Negotiator, giving up his prey without a fight, without argument? The Council no doubt sent him after her, and Ahsoka isn’t going to fall for it just because he has a friendly face. They’d have better luck sending Anakin.

“I’m not going to take the fall for something I didn’t do!”

“I am not asking you to,” Obi-Wan replies, and raises his voice over Ahsoka’s incredulous protests as she opens her mouth again, venom on her tongue. “I am asking you to listen to me now because we don't have much time before law enforcement realizes I’ve slipped them and begins searching for both of us. I think one of them might have put a tracker on me, so you’ll need to get as far away from here as possible after we’re done, am I making myself clear?”

No, Ahsoka thinks, mind swirling with questions and accusations, panicked. You aren’t being clear at all. “Why did you follow me if--if you’re not going to arrest me?”

“I need to give you this.”

Master Kenobi lowers one hand, his movements stiffly telegraphed, and holds out his open palm. From his damp glove float three items, bright enough to catch the low light but too small to make out in the shadows they stand in; Ahsoka catches them with the Force thoughtlessly, the movement second nature. It’s almost like the old games they used to play in the creche, rolling a ball back and forth with only the Force. She does not look down at what he’s given her, only closes her fists around them and stares. The Force pulses around the objects in her hand, curling around Ahsoka as she inspects Master Kenobi, looking for some reaction, anything to analyze how he's feeling or what he's thinking. But Obi-Wan's not moving, not making any motions towards her. His voice is clear and hard and not unkind. He stands as parade rest and makes sure Ahsoka can see his hands.

Ahsoka blinks, startled as she realizes that Obi-Wan does not have his lightsaber on him. Not that he isn’t a threat unarmed, but--has he underestimated her? Perhaps he hoped he could manipulate Ahsoka into coming back with him?

Or does he not intend to do anything of the sort?

“The datachip is encrypted,” Obi-Wan tells her like Ahsoka isn’t reeling. He speaks quickly, businesslike, as if he's about to lead Ahsoka into battle rather than--rather than help her run from the law. “But it’s nothing you won’t be able to slice into. I couldn’t get ahold of your sabers, I’m sorry. I wish I could’ve--but there was no time. Do you have a way off planet yet?”

Numb, Ahsoka shakes her head.

Obi-Wan nods and his hair flops with the movement, flicking water down his nose and cheeks. The urge to laugh hysterically bubbles in Ahsoka's chest, but she swallows it. He points over her shoulder, out of the tunnel. “Head to Dex’s diner, in the lower levels. He’ll be able to get you on a ship wherever you want to go. Check the chip if you can't think of somewhere safe. There will be papers waiting for you.”

“You--you’re letting me go?”

His lips twitch into a simulacra of his usual smile. It looks wooden. “Yes.”

“Why?”

Anakin wouldn’t do this. Anakin would ask her to stay, implore her not to leave. Does Obi-Wan want her to go? Does he think she really did it--that she hurt their family?

He wants nothing more to do with Ahsoka. He’s throwing her away like day old trash, just like the rest of the Jedi.

There’s a soothing wash of calm in the Force; it emanates from her grandmaster, rolling in waves towards her own nexus of grief and pain and fear. For a moment, Ahsoka lets it wrap around her, a comforting blanket against the cold that has enveloped her for days. Then she comes to her senses and, horrified at her own childishness, shakes it off. Obi-Wan is still smiling that awful, empty smile. “I know what it is like, Ahsoka.” Obi-Wan tells her. “I know what it is to leave the Jedi with nothing more than the clothes on your back and the knowledge that you are doing the right thing.”

Unable to help herself, Ahsoka lashes out, cruelty squirming sickly in her stomach. She wants--she wants Obi-Wan to stop talking, she wants him to feel her devastation, she wants him to see how she is crumbling beneath the weight of what his Council has done to her. “You don’t know anything about what I feel!”

Obi-Wan loses his smile; his face looks strange; it is as if Ahsoka has never quite seen him before. He is old and worn. There is a deep sorrow carved into his skin. His gaze unfocusses for a split second, eyes far away while he looks at her. She shivers; it isn't Ahsoka Obi-Wan sees standing before him. There’s something else there too, down underneath the rest of it, something that makes the lump in her throat triple in size, something she can’t name. The gifts Obi-Wan gave her bite into the skin of her palms, the datachip and whatever its companions are drawing Ahsoka’s blood in the darkness of this tunnel. Escape looms at her back.

“Yes, Ahsoka. I do. Now you must go--flee!”

Ahsoka runs.

As she does, one question burns into Ashoka's mind: if she asked Master Obi-Wan to come with her, would he?

[a-lonely-tatertot]

Finding Home

First / Wattpad / ao3

A/n: Another one done another one done! A longer chapter than the last, and the wait was because a lot of stuff came up and i didn't have much motivation to post because i was concerned that no one really cared about this so um yeah sorry

words: 6065

Tw: mentions of injuries and blood if there's others please let me know

Chapter 7: One Hell Of an Exit

It had been three days since Dex told him Fitz left, three days since the pit in his stomach had started steadily growing. What hurt the most wasn’t Fitz actually leaving, it was the fact he told Dex instead of him. Some best friend, he thought.

Keefe sighed and sat on one of the cots in the Healing Center. Elwin’s office had become home after a year of working as his assistant. Days went by, mindless and boring; they rarely got kids. Tam and Linh’s class often had the most injuries, sending in at least a kid a day because some idiot decided to go against the rules. But they were gone now, and Alchemy instructors were finally being more careful, actually watching the kids when they had dangerous chemicals, but it left the Healing Center bare. Somedays, as he played yet another round of cards with Elwin, he wished that at least one kid would get hurt so he could do something. 

Elwin did his best trying to fill the silence, teaching him new things. But Keefe knew that worry that came off him in waves, that concern that never really left after his coma. It had gotten stronger after Fitz left, keeping a watchful eye on him. Searching for pain that was there but Keefe was just too good at hiding it. No matter how many times he told Keefe that he wasn’t Cassius, that he would always be there, the wall between Keefe’s emotions never came down. 

“We should go see the Celestial Festival,” Elwin said, startling Keefe. “It’s next week and we haven’t been out much. I do always love Orem’s lights.”

Keefe hummed in response.

“I think Biana plans on going; we talked about it the other day.” Oh. So that was Elwin’s plan. Make him talk to people again. What was the point of it? Pretend that half of their friends didn’t get the great idea to hightail it out of this hell hole to be normal people for once? To pretend that they actually knew what they were without a war to fight?

“I bet with a little persuasion you could get Dex and Marella to come,” Elwin continued. 

“Yeah, maybe,” Keefe whispered softly. Why did he agree? Keefe pretended he didn’t know, but deep down under things, he didn’t want to look at he knew he was lonely. That he missed his friends. So why not take advantage of the few who were left?

The festival lights were insane. He stood with Biana as the council stepped to the stage, her determination flew off her in waves and he marveled at how far she had come. The way she held herself, scars on full display, mouth set, she looked older than he was used to. But when she glanced at him, through the flashing lights, her eyes were playful and mysterious and Keefe almost let out a sigh of relief that she hadn’t completely left and grown-up without him too. 

Dex and Marella stood at his left, Dex holding some sort of snack over Marella’s hands as she lit a small fire, letting out a whoop when it just barely toasted. Keefe grinned with them, surprised at how far the two had come with their own fears of Marella’s fire. Biana tapped his arm, gesturing to a patch of grass a little ways from them and to the blanket in her hands. From there they had the perfect view of the light show, grinning ear to ear as they appeared in the sky. None of them talked of who they wished was there, and none mentioned the last time they’d watched the lights. They avoided topics flawlessly that they knew brought too much pain and weaved their way through, making their uneventful lives seem important. Honestly, the only semi-put-together person on that blanket was Biana; unlike the rest, she always knew what she was meant for, there was a fight in her that wouldn’t settle for anything less than a better world.

The rest of them were basically just melting mallowmelt. 

Eventually, Biana had to leave, and the others ended up back at Elwin’s with a unanimous vote of we’ve-got nothing-better-to-do. They raided the kitchen and grabbed whatever snacks they could find before climbing the stairs to the roof. 

They laid there for who knows how long, staring at the stars in silence. “What do you think the others are doing?” Dex asked into the dark. 

Keefe sighed. He honestly didn’t want to know but spoke anyway. “Probably doing taxes.”

“What the fuck are taxes?” Marella asked, propping herself up on her elbow. 

Keefe chuckled, “Horrid, horrid things.” They lapsed into silence again, the only sound being the scattered animals roaming Spendor Plains. Keefe always thought the name was stupid, but he’d given up on trying to get Elwin to change it a long time ago. 

“I want to go,” Marella declared. Keefe glanced at her, but she was staring at the sky; Dex had the same puzzled expression on his face. Finally, she continued, “I’ve got nothing other than people who don’t want me here.” Her tone sounded defeated and honestly, he agreed.

“I’ll drink to that,” Dex laughed, half-heartedly raising his cup of Lushberry juice to the air in a mock toast. After his new power surfaced people stopped believing he could control it. They avoided him on the streets, they hated the fact that he worked with Elwin. It didn’t matter that he had won a war for them, the fact that his mother had started it and had turned him into something dangerous was enough. He glanced at Marella and Dex, knowing they were thinking the same.

A few minutes passed when, “Then let's go.” It was Dex this time, he had sat up, the others following suit. “They hate that we’re here. That we saved them. They hate that Sophie and Fitz left, their Golden Heroes. We’re the screw-ups that are still here. Hell, look at us. The son of a bad match, a pyrokinetic, and a fucking mystery.” Keefe grunted, he’d been called worse. “We might as well find somewhere to belong.”

Keefe clapped sarcastically but he could already feel the addicting buzz of adrenaline in his veins. “Well said, fellow outcast,” he laughed. “But if we do this we’re not leaving quietly like the others.”

Marella nodded a grin taking over her face as she stood. “Buckle up boys, we’ve got one hell of an exit to plan.”

 Around 1 am (Keefe thought it was one am, he didn’t actually know at that point), Elwin came out with a plate of snacks. Keefe didn’t have time to register what half of the things were when his attention was brought back to the sheet where he had sketched up the layout of a building—that Marella was marking exits on. Dex watched them, laying on his stomach with his chin resting on a pillow and messing with his device.

 At some point they had moved inside, spreading along the couches, their ideas scattered in a chaotic order. Keefe didn’t quite remember when Elwin said he was going to bed, too wrapped up in whatever the others were saying to him. He glanced at the clock; its ticking hands read 4 am. He smiled around the room, Marella sprawled dead to the world asleep on one couch, Dex on the other sitting in a curled ball messing with something that Keefe couldn’t see. Right then, as he sat with his back against the wall and eyes drifting, Keefe couldn’t think of anyone else he’d want to leave with.

  Keefe paced Elwin’s office like a mad man. He couldn’t sit still, not with the buzzing and churning in his gut. When Keefe would let out a heavy sigh Elwin would glance up smile lightly before going back to his work. 

“You know,” Elwin said softly, after Keefe’s fourth round of the Center, “I’m still not entirely sure what I’m going to do when you leave.” In surprise, Keefe looked up to find Elwin with watery eyes. Keefe halted and stared, shocked, to say the least. The realization of how much he meant to this man who had taken him in after everything he had done when his own father didn’t want him. He didn’t quite know what to say, he wasn’t used to this raw emotion that came off of Elwin in waves. Finally, Keefe’s face melted into a sad smile.

“You’ll be okay without me,” Keefe said, for once sincere. A beat of silence passed where Keefe could practically feel Elwin trying to think of something to say without crying. Without Keefe crying, cause Keefe really didn’t like crying. “Plus,” Keefe smiled to try and break the tension, “You and the other parents can have weekly get-togethers about how much you miss our annoying little faces!”

Elwin let out a harsh laugh, “Yeah I guess we can.” Suddenly Keefe found himself wrapped tightly in Elwin’s arms. It still took him a second to remind himself not to tense up, that it was Elwin’s way of saying “I love you.” He felt tears welling in his eyes from the thought that it was real, that he wouldn’t see Elwin for a long time. He buried his head in his father’s shoulder and fisted his hands in the back of Elwin’s shirt. 

“I’ll miss you,” Keefe said finally, willing his voice not to crack. 

“It’s gonna be okay,” Elwin reassured. “We’ll be okay. You need this, and when you’re ready you’ll come back home.”

Reluctantly, Keefe pulled away, “What happened to me reassuring you?”

Elwin laughed, “We both know I’m much better at the reassuring.”

He smiled at that. Yeah, maybe he’d miss this place, but he had a whole world to rediscover. A rustle of paper coming from under the door jostled him out of his thoughts. It was from Dex, his cue to get moving. In small words it read:

“headed to the meetup point, all devices ready on schedule - TM" 

Keefe grinned and turned to Elwin, "That’s my cue! See you tonight, Dad.” He let the title slip out, Keefe had never called him that before except in his head. Before he could see Elwin’s reaction he turned and was out the door. 

Weaving his way through the deserted corridors, he found his way out of Foxfire to the courtyard, running to the leap master and hastily yelling out for Marella’s house.

He arrived to find Marella already waiting for him outside, duffles around her. “You ready?”

With a nod, they grabbed the bags and headed to the leap master, places to be. A minute passed and all three of them, Dex, Keefe, and Marella, found each other standing outside Biana’s office door. Getting in was the easy part, since Biana was gone the house was empty. 

“You ready?” this time Dex asked, Keefe was confused about why, after the night they’d had and the plan they’d put together, they’d think to back out. “After this, there’s no turning back,” Dex said, eyes drifting to Keefe and Marella.

Marella grinned, all teeth. “Come on boys, we hit the point of no return the minute we decided to leave.” Promptly, she stuck her lock picks in the hole and twisted them around until they all heard a faint click. It was Keefe’s turn to grin as Marella swung the door open and marched her way in. He followed, placing the duffles in the center of the room, Dex came after him and whistled at the flamboyant decor. 

The far wall was almost entirely glass, sun streaming in and lighting the entire room. A desk sat with trinkets and papers scattered. The wall where they entered was covered in bookcases. There was a small nook that wasn’t covered in poorly organized books. A dark wood frame surrounded a drawing that Keefe had given her; it was of the entire crew, a sort of sequel to the one he had given to Sophie all that time ago. They had been laying in her room after the twins left, a week before Fitz would too, and they had both confessed that they missed them. Sophie, Tam, Linh, how rarely the entire team would get together because they had no reason to. No war to fight, no reason they’d need to get together. Keefe thought that growing up fighting a war made them all forget how to have a simple friendship. 

Before falling asleep that night he decided to draw something to remind Biana of them. He would never forget the way Biana’s entire face lit up when he handed the painting to her. He softly smiled at the memory.

“I found the crystal!” Dex called from the other side of the room, half stuck in a drawer. “Marella, are you almost done?”

Marella, who had one foot on the seating part of the chair and the other on the back, was trying to balance on two legs of it with one circular disk in her mouth and the other in her hand, trying to place it on the ceiling. “Well I would be if Keefe would get his butt over here and actually do something!” she grunted. Tried to at least, her words came out muffled and confusing, but Keefe got the idea quick enough to grab the chair before she fell. 

“Oh my god,” Dex muttered. “I’m going to be the one making sure you two dumbasses don’t die, aren’t I?” In unison, Marella and Keefe grinned at him and he groaned. With one last little hop Marella got the device on the ceiling and planted the other on the bookshelf. Keefe placed one under Biana’s desk, and next to the door on the wall. It all hit them at the same moment as Keefe armed the last disk, and Dex drew out the letter they had written up on the roof. 

“I think I’ll miss her,” Dex said finally; Marella nodded. And finally, it felt like a bright neon sign, right in front of him, blinking bright and loud, and somehow all along he had missed it. The only reason the three of them had stayed was Biana. Keefe, who knew her as his little sister. Marella who she knew as a friend that no matter what was there. And Dex, as the person who stuck by his side when Sophie left him and waited to return the favor. Maybe it was poetry, maybe Keefe was connecting dots that weren’t supposed to connect but it made him want to laugh. 

“Yeah, me too, but we’ll see her before we leave,” Keefe reminded him a bit forcefully. If he were in that office any longer, he’d convince himself to stay. Marella took the note from him to read over again before leaving it. “Let’s go, we’ve got four more places to hit.”

Keefe didn’t wait for an answer and ended up making it to the leap master before the others. It took a few minutes, but finally, they were all there calling out for Foxfire.

It was dark, everyone had gone. Keefe didn’t quite understand how time zones worked with jumping from Biana’s house, which the sun was just then setting, and Foxfire where it was already dark with the moon high. Granted, he didn’t really try.

Foxfire, being much bigger than Biana’s office, forced them to split up. Dex took the top levels, Keefe took the middle, and Marella the ground floor. Keefe slung his bag of disks over his shoulder and made his way through the classrooms. It was slow work, finding good spots to put them in each room and through the hallways, with the bag which felt like it held a bunch of rocks.

The job went by in about an hour, even though it felt much much longer, and he finally made his way back down to the courtyard. “What took you so long?” Marella laughed as he came out rubbing his sore shoulder. “Don’t forget we’ve got more to do!”

“Yeah yeah,”  he grumbled. “You guys done here yet?”

Dex poked his head out from behind one of the trees and said, “I’ve got two more left.“

Keefe could tell that the ones in his hands were the only ones he had left from how his bag looked much lighter. "So we can mark Foxfire off the list, ey?” Marella asked.

“Only three more places to hit,” Keefe grinned.

Dex rolled his eyes, “That’s not counting the spots inside those places. It’s much more than you think.”

Keefe just laughed in response; they were so close. To being free, to running away, the thing Keefe was so good at. Running, and well, making one hell of a lasting impression. That was really their plan. 

It was a short time till they found themselves in Atlantis weaving their way through the back allies to find the shed they had left the next batch of devices at. Dex reminded them, yet again because “everything has to be perfect”, that Marella was taking the treasury building—which sounded entirely boring, which was why Keefe had opted out. Keefe would be taking the various transportation locations, and Dex the business district (also boring). Their rendezvous would be the monument of Linh, Sophie, and himself when they had saved Atlantis. Keefe remembered making some horrible joke about the monument when it was built, something about how they didn’t get his hair in all of its glory, but then, after seeing it again, all he could think of was how much he regretted that his stupid crush had gotten in the way of actually being able to get to talk with Linh. He wondered how many of the others he’d neglected ‘cause of it; he wanted to groan at how stupid he was.

“You good there, Goldie?” Marella asked.

“Why am I Goldie? You’ve got blonde hair too." 

"Okay, yeah, but my hair is more pale than gold. And plus I deserve something much cooler than ‘Goldie’." 

Keefe shook his head, "Okay, Braids.”

Marella, who had started to walk off, threw a smile over her shoulder. “Could use some work!”

“I didn’t have enough time!”

“Excuses! I expect something better when I come back!”

“Oh, so I’m getting graded?” Keefe shouted, but she was gone and he was left standing alone. Slinging his bag over his shoulder he headed to the nearest light leaper. There were about five of them across the city that only lead to other light leapers inside Atlantis. He had five devices, the smaller ones that would reach only the light leaper itself and the edges of surrounding buildings. 

In total it only took him about twenty minutes to leap to each spot, find a hidden location to hide the device, arm them, and then leap away. Marella and Dex had more to cover than him so he found himself sitting at the edge of the fountain, fiddling with the KMD, as they had ended up calling them. Dex arrived first, grinning and clearly riding an adrenaline high, with Marella in tow. “All set?” Dex asked.

Keefe stood. “Yup just as you planned, Techmaster.”

“Wait, why does he get a cool name?” Marella gasped.

“I like him more,” Keefe deadpanned. Dex smiled and did his best to look innocent (which he was really good at for some reason) and Marella rolled her eyes.

“Don’t just stand around; we’ve got places to be!” Dex called, already headed for the whirlpool.

With a chuckle, he and Marella followed. Mysterium was next, in Keefe’s opinion the most boring of their stops but the way that Dex’s face lit up when he spotted Slurps and Burps whirling and glittering in the distance made it worth it. Dex beamed with something like pride and it was infectious. Keefe shook his head slightly, at how easy it was for him to grin, at Dex’s face that was entirely dorky, and at Marella who smiled somewhat mischievously as she placed her devices. It was quick and easy work placing the devices while Dex dropped off the letter—almost identical to the one they had left Biana—at Slurps and Burps. They waited as Dex made his way back to them and practically ran when they could see him. There wasn’t as much time left as they had hoped; the sun was supposed to rise in about two hours, leaving them barely enough time to cover all of Eternalia. Keefe reached the leaper expecting the others to be on his tail when he turned around, but they weren’t. 

His eyes scanned fervently and finally found Marella and Dex standing off to the side, staring back at the Slurps and Burps. Keefe wanted to laugh at the scene if it wasn’t so serious. Marella, stoney, sarcastic, quick-witted Marella, had her arm over Dex’s shoulders like she was pulling him in for a hug. Keefe raised an eyebrow at her when their eyes locked over Dex’s shoulder and her face turned hard. Speak of this and I will kill you, was the message Keefe read loud and clear.

After what seemed like ages, the pair made it to the leap master seemingly still emotionally intact and Dex with a new determined look in his eyes. As Keefe called out for Eternalia he couldn’t help but feel a new rush of adrenaline crash over him.

Now to tackle Eternalia it relied on many moving parts. Part I, the councillors homes. Each of them had two disks, set to cover a larger distance, and needed to place one in between every two towers. Keefe, along with his two devices, also was in charge of the KMD, which was to be placed on Alina’s tower. When they were still scheming Alina’s tower was the obvious choice of who they’d want to annoy the most. Alina’s surprisingly wasn’t the hardest to find, of course, being the most glittery and the most bright even in the dark. Just as he placed it he saw three flashes in the distance, Marella’s signal, marking her to finish first. Once the device was placed Keefe sprinted to his last spot when- CRASH!

He sprawled on the ground, head aching and pain shooting up his arms. Fuck, he thought eloquently. Curses slipped from his mouth as he tried to stand. He managed to pull himself to his knees to determine just how screwed he was. He had rough spots on his palms that were bound to bruise, a huge scrape down his arm, a busted lip from the way he could taste copper in his mouth, and from how much his head ached, he had probably cut his head too. His legs were probably worse; luckily, he couldn’t actually see the extent of his injuries because of his pants (and from the pain he could feel he honestly didn’t want to see it). 

He was fine. This was fine. He would just push past the pain and get himself through downtown than he could figure it out. It was just a fall. A fucking painful fall, his brain supplied unhelpfully. He saw three green flashes in the distance and cursed again. Dex was gone too.

He needed to get moving, and he needed to get moving fast. Keefe grunted, took a few breathes, and managed to get his feet. It was a bit harder to leap with an injury but he managed, and after placing his last device, he found himself in downtown. 

Dex saw him first, delight turned to concern turned to worry until he was rushing to him. “Why are you bleeding? Why are you beat up? I leave you alone for five freaking seconds-" 

"What happened?” Marella came up behind him with more annoyance than concern on her face.

“Well, I was going to explain to Gears over here-”

“Gears? Really?”

“-but I don’t think he knows how to keep quiet,” Keefe finished. 

“Start talking, now." 

Keefe sighed, "I fell.”

Marella stared at him, “You fell, and did this?”

“It was a very mean rock!”

“Oh, my Ancients-” Marella breathed clearly trying not to laugh.

“You’re benched. we’ve only got a few more left anyway,” Dex said, still eyeing his injuries. Keefe honestly didn’t have it in him to argue. Though it didn’t stop him from snatching the other KMD from the bag next to him and securing it to the ground with only a few winces. 

He watch as Dex and Marella placed the last couple of devices. They were clearly talking about something urgent, and from the way, Dex kept on glancing his way, it was probably about Keefe, but he wasn’t close enough to hear and honestly, it was getting on his nerves. What was so important they couldn’t tell it to his face? Probably something you won't like, Keefe thought. He wasn’t always the best at taking bad news, though he didn’t think he was as bad as Fitzy used to be.

“We’re gonna have to jump back to your house before we can set everything off,” Marella stated. 

Keefe balked. “We don’t have time for that!”

She threw up her hands, “Well you went and got yourself hurt and we don’t exactly have another choice.”

“I am fine,” Keefe said, trying to hide the wince that came.

Dex rolled his eyes, “It’s a short pit stop, come on. We’re all done here; a few minutes won’t hurt the schedule.”

Keefe wanted to argue that it would hurt the schedule because the schedule was flawless and nothing mattered more than the schedule. Unfortunately, he knew that neither of them would actually listen to him. 

Admittedly, when it was all done, getting Keefe patched up with the cloth they found and cleaning off the blood took a lot less time than he initially thought. They had found Elwin’s stash of pain killer serums and as soon as Keefe took them he ordered them to get moving. “We’ve got places to be and things to set off!”

“Lead the way, dude,” Dex huffed. After the war, Forkle had ended up showing the rest of the Black Swan members where his office was—with a heavy, heavy swear to never show the council where it was. The best part about Forkle retiring: they could use the dusty office as a great spot to see pranks. That was probably not Forkle’s intent but who could really stop them?

Stepping into the weird round office (what had Sophie said it resembled? A hobbit hole? Keefe put that on the list as a first order of business to figure out when they got to the Forbidden Cities), it was like nothing had changed. TV’s still lined the wall, and the desk in the center had scattered papers from who knows how long ago. From his memory, Sophie was the last person here, she had watched right before she left, she spent almost a whole day just watching. In Keefe’s opinion, it was kind of creepy but it was probably something sentimental to her. It had been a year since then and everything was covered in a thick layer of dust. 

They set to work, setting up, connecting cables, dusting (not something Keefe thought this would entail). Their list was made quick work of and soon they were all set up and staring at the screens. People moved like nothing was going to happen, they moved in a trance of things to do and places to be and not a care for the world around them. Keefe remembered a long time ago, Alden saying that elves loved their work, but as he watched people go they didn’t all seem to love it. Their lives were a dull continuous day after day after day with nothing to want and nothing different. Keefe grinned, oh how they would change that. They all held separate controllers, all for different things.

With a nod, Marella started to count down. “Three. Two. One.” She pressed her button and the disks went off. Pink goop (Keefe got the idea from bubble gum, something he had been a tad bit addicted to in his time away) covered everywhere. Luckily, the cameras were high enough that their view wasn’t blocked, because the view from above was amazing. People shouted and left their shops, watching as the mass overtook everywhere. No one was actually in danger, anyone stuck would be just a tad bit uncomfortable but still safe. Dex let out a breathless laugh, “It worked, oh my Ancients it worked!" 

Marella let out a whoop and he couldn’t help but be caught in the crashing wave of her joy. But they weren’t done yet; there was still more to do.

They waited in anxious excitement for the panic to die down before they could release Wave 2. Finally, it was time and Keefe pushed his remote to see glitter fill the air and Biana’s infamous quote light the sky. ”' Sparkles make everything better,’“ Keefe said as he watched the shimmering rain. "That they do, that they do.”

Dex giggled as he pushed his button, releasing the KMD. Keefe was fairly proud of his odd combination of their initials, but it worked well. Keefe’s pink faded into Marella’s orange into Dex’s green in a shimmering rain that morphed into “The Outsiders”, as Dex had called them the night before. 

Keefe swelled with pride, “Now that is something sixteen-year-old me would be hella proud of.”

Marella nodded, “We did something amazing here today, boys.”

“That we did." 

That afternoon, moments before sunset, Dex, Marella, Keefe, Biana, and Elwin stood on the hill behind Elwin’s house. No one knew what to say, no one knew where to start. Honestly, Keefe thought that the only thing keeping Elwin from crying was his silence.

"Really,” Biana spoke startling them all. “You had to use the 'Sparkles make everything better'?”

Marella barked out a laugh. “Hey, we knew it would get your attention,” Dex said.

Biana raised her eyebrow, “Oh, really? Because the giant blob of pink goop in my office and everywhere else wouldn’t?”

“Wellll- it was a fun addition,” Keefe said.

Biana smiled softly, “I’m going to miss you guys.” Keefe couldn’t stop himself anymore and he pulled her into a hug.

“We’ll be back. I promise.”

“You better be, asshole; I can’t fix everything on my own,” Biana whispered into his shoulder.

“And you don’t have to,” Keefe whispered back. If anything, he wanted her to know that before they left. She nodded slowly. 

Keefe felt Dex and Marella join the hug, and eventually so did Elwin and it felt so final that Keefe had to remind himself again and again that it wasn’t; that he’d be back. 

Finally, they pull away, everyone with teary eyes. “If any one of you gets hurt you are calling me immediately, got it?” Elwin stated, point his finger at them.

Dex snorted, “I don’t think it works like that.”

“I do not care, I am not letting anyone of you get hurt by that place,” Elwin said, almost glaring at them. “Are you kidding? The amount of work I’m going to have to go through, detoxing you after you’re exposed to all those-” he waved his hands excessively, “pollutions!”

“Yes sir,” Keefe said as he mock-soluted him.

“We should probably get going,” Marella elbowed him, checking her watch. “Bi? Watch my mom, will you?”

Biana smiled, “Of course.”

Dex gulped, “And watch the triplets for me? And Elwin, talk to my parents? They’ll be mad I didn’t tell them but I just couldn’t say goodbye to them.”

Elwin and Biana nodded. Keefe raised his leaping crystal, “I love you guys.” The beam opened up and before he could bite his tongue, “I love you, Dad.” He stepped through, not even looking to see Elwin’s response.

Marella and Dex met him on the other side, both giving him quizzical looks. “You really just called him Dad for the first time and then ran away for who knows how long?” Dex asked.

“Yup!”

“I thought that impulsive phase was over,” Marella said.

“I'm sorry what have the past two days been?" 

"We don’t talk about that." 

Keefe grinned, "Okay Techmaster, lead the way.” And they were off a clean slate, a fresh beginning.

They had rigged up a computer, a shitty web camera, and a stand duct-taped together in the middle of their small Sydney apartment. Dex stood behind, still messing with the settings as Keefe was trying to fix the crappy white sheet they had hung behind them. “I think it’s fine,” Marella chuckled.

  “Oh suree tell the guy who actually can speak to the tech how it works,” Dex said, rolling his eyes and pressing a few more buttons. Marella moved her fingers around her temple and mouthed, “Crazy” and Keefe found that he couldn’t stop himself from snorting. 

“You know I can see you right.”

“Yup!” Marella and Keefe said in unison, giving in to another round of giggles.

Dex shook his head, “Well, we’re all set up.” For a millisecond Keefe could tell just how nervous Marella was in the way that her eyes darted, trying to make sure everything was holding steady, how her hands silently snapped to some imaginary song. It came off her in waves, though her excitement accompanied it. 

“Okay, you guys ready?” Dex asked. 

Keefe nodded. “Okay, three,” Dex held up three fingers. Two. One. He pointed at them. 

The first round ended prematurely in a fit of giggles. The second with Marella staring blankly, the third with Keefe singing some random song he had heard on the radio because who knew what he was supposed to say? Certainly not him!

It took more tries than Keefe could count and well after the sun went down before they finally had an acceptable intro (they also managed to drag Dex into the actual camera view which was secretly Marella and Keefe’s main goal). 

It took only two days to edit on top of the jobs that they had managed to find. Eventually, they were all standing in front of the computer anxiously watching Dex press the upload button.

“You know,” Dex said, “it’s not going to make any difference with you standing right there.”

“We are witnessing history in the making; we cannot miss out on that!” Keefe yelled dramatically,  met with an exaggerated eye roll. 

It all seemed too simple to be called a beginning, just a click of a button, and they were alive somewhere among the firing code in this vast world.

They were all lounging on the couch when it came. The doorbell rang, and no one moved, except the cat. Dex was too wrapped in his current school project that had to do with writing something that was way above Keefe’s amount of brain cell. Curled on the couch, Marella had her headphones in, editing their newest video that had them trying to paint a posing Dex with their fingers. This ended into chaos which was a surprise to no one. Keefe grinned at the memory as he tried to lure out their new cat that had decide to bolt under the sofa the moment the bell rang. “Come here Marty Jr.,” Keefe cooed.

Marella pulled out one earbud, “Did we really have to name her Marty Jr.?”

“If I recall correctly you didn’t have a better idea at the time,” Keefe retorted.

“I did!” Dex called.

“For the last time, we are not naming her after some weird chemical!”

“Pneumonia is a perfectly reasonable name!”

“Wait,” Marella said, “isn’t that a lung disease?”

“I thought it was some poisonous gas thing?” Keefe said. 

Dex groaned, “Why must I be the only intelligent person here?”

“Look is someone going to get the door? It could be pizza,” Marella said. Keefe groaned and gave up trying to get the cat out from under the couch, going to answer the door. 

No one was outside on the balcony, no one was in the courtyard except for the neighbor's kids. But there was pizza on the ground, still in the box, and it smelt like heaven. On top of the box was an envelop. “Did either of you order a mysterious pizza and a suspicious-looking envelope?” Keefe called out, carrying the box into the house.

“No?” Dex said, his face twisted in confusion. 

“Well, looks like we got a surprise then.”

Marella came up behind him, Marty Jr. sitting comfortably in her arms, “What’s in the envelope?”

“Just a letter,” Keefe said. It was a letter, but when he unfolded it, it held a handwriting he would never mistake. Biana’s. “What the-” Keefe started but Marella snatched the paper out of his hands. 

“She wants to meet us,” Marella whispered. 

“Where?" 

"In some cabin in the US.”

Keefe groaned, “Crap, we don’t have that kinda money without it being sponsored.”

Dex grinned holding up the discarded envelope, “She already thought of that.” He pulled out three plane tickets. 

Keefe grinned, “Well, I guess we’re going to America.”

[lizzieehearts]

i know it's late, but here's the discord angst fic myself and @calypsothenerd wrote a while back for daring day. enjoy!

"Daring, you need to look presentable" his father would say

"You are the face of this family Daring, straighten your tie" his mother would say

It was always the same. He was the future face of the charming dynasty, and needed to look like it. He was destined to be apple's prince, after all

But he was sick of this, he was sick of being told to ‘walk upright’ to ‘always smile’ to ‘fix his hair’ why couldn’t he be a normal teenager without worrying about how to look and how to act on every waking minute? He just wanted a normal life, but he knew that shouldn’t happen

He wanted a break. He wanted to be free. He wanted to rebel, though he knew if he did his family would disown him. That was scarier than all this, the fact that if he didn't keep up this charade, his family would leave him. Without this charade, he was worthless, to them at least

So he decided, one thing: he would go for the person that cared the most to try and get himself out of this situation, he just couldn’t take this anymore, so he finally got the courage and knocked on her door, Rosabella came out and immediately frowned because of the sad look on his face

"Daring, what's wrong?" she asked

"Everything" he answered, sliding past her into the empty dorm

She sat down on her bed, tapping the space beside her, telling him to sit. He lay down, his head in her lap

"Show me your demons and ill show you mine" she murmured, nodding at him to begin talking

“It’s my family, I’m supposed to be the perfect child, to be the image of the family, and it sucks, I can’t do normal teenager things, I can’t choose how I want to dress or style my hear, I feel like I’m in cage in a hexing zoo, Bella, I don’t know what to do anymore” he looked up at her, tears almost spilling over the surface

"What about you? What's your deal?" he asked, gulping quickly

"My mom's gone and my dad blames me for it. Treated me like shit because of it. still does. That's why I love it here so much. It's freedom for me, the one place he can't control me" now it was the princess blinking back tears, as she shared her story

“That’s terrible Rosa, I have no idea, but I wish I had your bravery to stand up against my parents”

she couldn't help but scoff.

"When I go home, I'm terrified. Of everything, Everyone. Because all it takes is one mistake and im done for. That isn't bravery, I can assure you that"

"What about when we saved Ever After from the Snow King? What about you sticking by my side when no one else would, after dragon games? What about all that?" Daring could handle negativity directed at himself, but Rosabella? Unacceptable

"All of that we did together, Dare"

At her words, the two of them looked at each other having the same idea

what if we stand up to our parents together?

“Yes Daring, I see you’re finally using that big head of yours for something” she jokes as she playfully nudges him

"But when? When are we both gonna see our parents again, at the same time?" he asked

"Winter break is coming up, you could come over to mine for the holidays?" she offered, implying that she wouldn't be able to go to his

“Sure, I guess, but why can’t you come to mine?”

Rosa took a deep breath

"Before coming to this school, I had never left my castle. Ever. Not even to see family. I hadn't met Briar, and I still haven't met her brothers or parents. The furthest I had gone was midway through the woods behind the castle, that was it. I'd hardly be able to spend the holidays at your's, even with him coming too" she sighed

“But do you think he’d let me go to yours?”

"I'm not sure, but it's more likely"

                       -  -  -

After two weeks, many a night spent yelling down a phone, and nights plagued with terrors refusing to subside, winter break and it was official: Daring, the twins and their parents would be spending the holidays at the Beauty's

- - -

The final day before the winter break Rosabella and Daring were hanging out “You still sure about this?” The beauty princess asks

"As sure as I'll ever be" was her prince's response,"after all, we've come this far"

“Let’s do this” she kisses his cheek and goes back to her room to pack

Once the four of them had gotten packed, Rosabella drove herself and the three Charmings to her childhood home, Beauty Castle, as the siblings' parents wouldn't be there until the day after. It was really something, walls of ivory, turrets wrapped in ivy, flowers at every turn. To the girl who had spent her entire childhood here, however, just the sight of it was enough to get her heart pounding and blood boiling. Daring, sensing her tension, immediately grabbed her hand, as the four of them walked through the gates

Darling, being oblivious of what was happening inside her friend’s mind commented “Wow Rosie, your house is amazing”

"Thanks. Your's probably is too" the princess responded, trying to breathe at a normal rate

"Yeah, but it's nothing compared to this" Dexter said, just as oblivious to the princess' discomfort as his sister, "I don't think I'd want to leave"

Daring, noticing the distress on the princess’s face, decided to change the subject “So, Darls, where did mom say we were going this time?”

"I think she said the dining hall" Darling responded

"Great. Let's go!" Rosabella said, a little too enthusiastically, as she led them through her childhood home

They then proceeded to follow Rosabella to the dining hall, where everything was ready for them

"Dad likes to sit at the head of the table, and to have me in his sight, so I'll sit at the opposite end, Dare, you and Dar can sit opposite each other nearest to me, and Dex you can sit beside Dare" Rosabella immediately said as they entered, knowing that if Daring was to get in a fight with his parents, having them beside him was not a good idea

“Yeah, Bell, you’re right” he then sits beside her, right next to the head of the table

Rosabella gave him a smile as his siblings sat down, but that went away as an inescapable presence entered the room

"Dad"

“Hello Sir” The oldest prince said, trying to be kind, despite already having seen the wounds he put on his daughter’s body

"Get away from my daughter. You sit there" he pointed to the same place at the other end of the table, beside where Rosa said he would be sitting.

Daring begrudgingly obliged, not wanting to cause any trouble, but still wanting to protect his princess.

“Pardon me sir, but I think this sitting arrangement is for the best” the prince said in the most educated way possible.

"Stop trying to be smart with me. Either you move or I make you" the stare given to the prince by the beast could've frozen over the room, as it did Daring, before he squeezed his girlfriend's hand and moved.

"Good" the Beast said, nodding and moving to his seat.

The princess glared at her boyfriend like ‘what was that’

"Rosabella! Stop staring like that" the beast snapped, making the princess jump and quietly apologise.

it was then that there was a knock on the door, one that could only be the Charming parents.

“It’s open!” The beast yelled aggressively, clearly already regretting allowing visitors.

Mr and Mrs Charming entered the dining room, and sat beside the twins without a word, sensing the tension in the room.

Mrs Charming coughed and spoke up “Thank you for inviting us” Her husband nodded along.

"It was my daughter's idea, actually" the beast replied, staring down Rosabella in the process, "so you can thank her"

“Then thank you, young lady” the queen turned to The Beauty.

"y- you're welcome, Mrs. Charming" Rosabella spluttered, right before the cook arrived with their meal. Desperate to get away from conversing with the guests, the beast automatically tucked in, prompting the rest to do the same.

And for the rest of the meal neither Rosabella nor her father said a word, for different reasons, she was anxious about standing up against him and him hating having guests over.

It was Daring that piped up first.

"Mom, Dad, there's something I've been meaning to talk to you about"

Both his parents barely gave him a glance, his dad giving a weary "Yes, son?"

“I can’t take it anymore, I’m losing myself to please both of you, the fancy clothes, the expensive hair products, everything, I never wanted any of this, I just wanted to be a normal teenager”

"Daring, don't be silly. You're a Charming, no Charming is normal" his mother's tone was cold as ice.

"well, maybe- maybe i don't want to be a Charming"

Then his father stood up and slammed the table “Daring Charming, whoever put those ideas in your head is not your friend, now sit down and stop with this madness”

"NO, DAD!" Daring yelled, exasperated, "If that's all being a Charming is I don't want it! And how can you? It's not a life I want to live, being this plastic, stylised version of myself. I wanna be me, Dad"

“If that’s what you think, don’t bother coming back home after this” his father spat back.

“C’mon Dexter, Darling, let’s go home, enough of this stupidity”

"Don't go!" Rosabella quickly blurted out, for a reason only her and her friends knew.

"Don't be silly, Rosabella. they may leave if they wish" her father mumbled.

“No actually, I think I’m staying” Darling protested.

"Thank Grimm. Someone with a brain" Mrs Charming breathed.

"I'm not siding with you" Darling huffed, "We got invited here. It would be rude to leave"

Dexter nodded in agreement.

“If any of you stay, you’ll be removed from the family together with your savage brother”

"That's not fair! You did this to him, and if you can't take responsibility for that you're just going to kick him out? What would the rest of the family say?!" Dexter stood, breaking his silence, "And don't say that they would agree, because all five of us know they wouldn't"

“We are just trying to maintain the Charming family name, if you little savage children don’t understand that then you will no longer be a part of this family”

"At least you want to be a part of your family!" Rosa yelled before she could stop herself.

“And what is that supposed to mean, young lady?!” the beast yelled out.

"You ruined my childhood, left me battered and bruised, kept me stuck here with no escape, made me think that I didn't have relatives though really I did and you just never told me about them, didn't raise me right and left it up to the staff and your own son, barely let me eat or sleep, punished me for even the smallest things and for what? To make me feel guilty for coming out of the womb? What do you want me to do? Put on a brave face and say that I love you? When all you did for the first sixteen years of my life was make it a living hell?" rant over, the princess took a deep breath and awaited her father's response.

“GET OUT OF HERE, ALL SIX OF YOU, NOW” The beast roared out, then left the dinning room, slamming the door.

as the slam reverberated through the room, a deep silence echoed with it.

Daring sitting restless, his parents giving him the cold shoulder, his siblings getting the same, Rosabella across from him on the verge of tears, barely holding herself together.

The Charming went back to his original seat at the sight of her, wrapping her up in his arms.

[nkatr84]

Obi Wan/female reader one shot : Waiting part 1/2

When the reader is sixteen, she starts working as a waitress at Dex’s Diner. On her first day, she meets the love of her life. There’s just one problem. He’s a Jedi...

It had been a hectic first day. But you wouldn’t complain. Dex liked that about you. You just did what you were told. Buckled down, smiled at customers and only messed up one order so far. You just prayed to the Force that your natural clumsiness wouldn’t flare up.

The Force had a sense of humor.

One minute Dex had left the kitchens to chat with an old friend. Ordering a round of milkshakes. After setting the third milkshake on the tray, you carefully brought it out of the kitchen. But no sooner had you stepped out into the main dining room, the door of the kitchen swung forward knocking into your feet.

Your feet tripped over themselves and as your body twisted you gasped, seeing the tray flying, the milkshakes up in the air. But as you braced yourself for impact, you felt a pair of strong arms catch you.

You peeked open one eye. Then both eyes opened as you took in the sparkling blue eyes looking down at you in concern. It was a boy about your age. And he was gorgeous. Chiseled jaw just losing its baby fat. A perfect nose. You noticed two moles. One on his cheek and one on his forehead. Your heart hammered in your chest.

“Are you alright?” He gently asked, his voice a smooth, refined accent of the upper levels of Coruscant.

“Never better...” you gasped catching your breath. But then you noticed his haircut. Auburn hair buzzcut short, except for one single small braid hanging over his shoulder. Brow furrowed, you realized you hadn’t heard the milkshakes crash to the floor. You glanced around to confirm your suspicions. The milkshakes and tray were floating in midair.

And despite the romance the imagery of being dipped over his knee conjured, reality finally crashed in to ruin the moment. Your savior was a Jedi padawan.

“Hey hey! Looks like your Padawan has good reflexes Qui Gon!” Chuckled Dex from the booth.

Across from him, a tall Jedi with long graying brown hair nodded in amusement,

“One should hope so. Alright Obi Wan I think the poor girl can stand on her own feet again.”

The padawan Obi Wan blushed and righted you on your feet,

“Yes Master.”

“And you can stop showing off. It’s an inappropriate use of the Force.” Qui Gon added, a small wink towards Dex who chuckled, his four arms crossed over his shaking belly.

“Sorry Master.” Obi Wan flushed again, waving his hand. The milkshakes righted themselves and floated over to the table. Obi Wan plucked the tray from midair and handed it to you.

“Thank you.” You said, voice shy and small, eyes cast to your feet.

“You’re welcome.” Obi Wan nodded before sliding into the booth next to his Master. You nodded, returning to your other customers. But not without one last glance over your shoulder at the handsome padawan. It just wasn’t fair.

You tried to forget about the Jedi. But blue eyes haunted your dreams at night. Your mind reasonsed with yourself that the Jedi had a code that forbid attachments. But that didn’t stop your foolish heart from pounding in your chest every time Qui Gon and Obi Wan stopped by the diner for lunch.

It was no use. Having a stupid crush on a Jedi was just part of your reality now. Dex noticed of course. He thought it was hilarious. He made you wait on them every time. You were beginning to suspect he made your schedule out to guarantee you would be working when they came in. You didn’t know how. Especially when they started to go away on more missions and wouldn’t be back for weeks at a time. Once for a whole year. Not that you were counting the days or worrying or anything...

The only way you could cope with the crush was self deprecation. Telling yourself that even if he wasn’t a Jedi, Obi Wan wouldn’t give you a second glance. Oh he was polite and asked how you were, making conversation. But everyone else pretty much ignored you. You even had a customer point out one day that you just had one of those faces that just blended in.

You didn’t think you were ugly. But being a little short and your figure being a bit on the plump side you also weren’t kidding yourself. You guessed that was why you longed for Obi Wan like you did. You couldn’t have him anyway, so you might as well dream of the impossible.

But you also wished someone would want you like you wanted Obi Wan.

In a blink of an eye three years had past. And one day Obi Wan came in by himself. That was new.

“Hey! Obi Wan! Where’s Qui Gon?” Dex wiped his hands on his apron. Your heart twisted at the pained look on his face. Noting how red his eyes were.

“Obi Wan?” Dex pressed, suspicion growing with dread.

“He...fell in battle.” Obi Wan swallowed.

Dex shut his yellow eyes.

“Close the door Kid. We’re closing early today.” The grayish tan alien told you, pain evident.

“Sure Dex.” You nodded crossing over to flip the sign. You were the only waitress working today. Even your droid waitress FLO was out for maintenance. You hadn’t even had a customer all day until Obi Wan came in. The sky rumbled with thunder, the rain matching the mood.

“I’ll take my leave then.” Obi Wan nodded.

“No you sit. We’re going to honor my friend.” Dex let out a shuddering breath, entering the kitchen.

“Will he be alright?” Obi Wan asked you. You jumped hearing a roar of rage and pots crash to the floor.

“He will be. Just give him a minute.” You told him.

Obi Wan nodded then took a seat in his usual booth. Keeping to the edge as if Qui Gon was still beside him.

“Are you alright?” You asked, sliding into the booth across from him.

Obi Wan gave a stiff nod,

“Of course. A Jedi must accept death as a part of life. Less he fall to the Dark side.”

You lifted your brows. That sounded rehearsed. As if he were clinging to that mantra like a life preserver.

“Doesn’t mean it doesn’t still hurt.” You pointed out.

“No it doesn’t.” He conceded. You then noticed his padawan braid was gone.

“Were you knighted?” You asked.

He scoffed,

“Yeah. The council felt that anybody that can kill a Sith Lord after a thousand years needs to be a Knight.”

“A Sith Lord?” You asked. Obi Wan began to tell you the story. Of the Trade Federation setting up a blockade on Naboo and how they had tried to kill Qui Gon and Obi Wan when they came to negotiate for the Republic. Saving the Naboo Queen and the detour to Tatooine. The discovery of a boy named Anakin with a high M count, strong in the Force. Wicked political plots and the wicked Sith Darth Maul dueling both Qui Gon and Obi Wan. Qui Gon’s death and Obi Wan killing the Sith. Of Qui Gon making Obi Wan promise to train Anakin.

“So I was knighted and now Anakin is my padawan. I don’t know if I’m ready.” He confesses to you.

“Qui Gon believed you were.” You point out.

“Qui Gon also believed Anakin is the Chosen One.” Obi Wan sighed.

“Chosen One?”

“The one meant to bring balance to the Force. Don’t get me wrong. Qui Gon was an excellent teacher. I’m confident that he’s taught me well. But how can the kid that was once destined for the Argricore teach the Chosen One?” He asked.

Your heart swelled. So your Jedi Knight doubted himself too. Why was that so endearing? Maybe because it made your stubborn heart believed you were connected.

But Obi Wan needed a friend. So a friend you would be. You squeezed his hand on the table.

“With patience. Kindness. Devotion. All the qualities that Qui Gon saw in you.” You said.

He gave a small smile, eyes still sad,

“Thank you.”

Dex interrupted you, already swaying on his feet from the Spotcha he had stored in his office. The Besalisk poured a round of shots and you all toasted to Qui Gon. That night Obi Wan helped you get Dex home, who was in no condition to drive. Then he walked you home after the rain let up.

The next ten years you’d think of that night whenever you had a bad date or another Life Day went by alone. Oh you tried to date. But no one made you feel the way Obi Wan did.

You had one steady boyfriend once. A good man. A mechanic. But then you had blown it when he tried to kiss you. You had sighed Obi Wan’s name. He was kind enough to forgive you. Until he surprised you at the diner one day. He had been patiently waiting for your shift to end. When Obi Wan and Anakin walked in.

“There she is Obi Wan!” The thirteen year old pointed you out. Obi Wan gave a friendly smile. You had waved, biting your lips as you saw how the beard Obi Wan was growing out suited him.

But then you had caught your boyfriend’s eye. He gave you a sad smile. He knew. And the pity in his eyes told you he understood your dilemma. You were in love with a man forbidden to love. And while he had been free to love you, he just couldn’t compete. He had left and you never saw him again. You had heard he married a few years later, and you were glad. Meanwhile you would stop trying to date after that.

Funny enough that same day, after your boyfriend had left, you had approached Obi Wan and Anakin to take their order.

“Was that your boyfriend?” Anakin had asked.

“Anakin...”

“Yes he was.” You nodded, setting out their utensils, not adding that you were no longer an item as of five minutes ago.

“Does he think you’re pretty like Obi Wan does?” Anakin had asked.

You looked at the boy stunned as his Master admonished,

“Anakin!”

You glanced at Obi Wan out of the corner of your eye. He was shielding his eyes with his hand, neck and face flushed red. You couldn’t help but be amused. Anakin was more like a annoying kid brother to Obi Wan than student and teacher. You liked the kid enough, but sometimes his confidence struck you as arrogance. He was improving that attitude under Obi Wan though.

“I suppose he did.” You answered, giving them menus.

“Did?” Anakin caught.

“That’s none of our business Padawan.” Obi Wan softly scolded.

“I’ll give you a minute to decide.” You told them.

But you heard over your shoulder,

“Don’t you think she’s pretty Master?”

“Shut up Anakin...”

That stupid flare of hope ignited in you once again.

As years past and Anakin grew, the conflict between the Republic and the Trade Federation Separtists grew into a full blown war. Anakin was soon knighted and given his own padawan along with a command over a clone trooper squad. Obi wan was made a general with his own squadron. The Jedi visits to the diner were rare.

The war and Obi Wan wasn’t the only thing you had to worry about. You had to take several moonlighting jobs during the war. Once you were hired as a server at a fancy gala for Republic senators.

You rarely visited the Upper levels outside Coco Town. The opulence of the ballroom had left you speechless. Still you did your job. When you heard a familiar voice call your name.

You were sure you were gawking as Obi Wan approached you. He looked so dashing in his armor.

“Obi Wan!”

It wasn’t you that called his name. A tall, beautiful woman with blonde hair and rich robes caught his attention.

“Duchess.” He said. You heard the warmth in his tone. The one that matched his eyes. You turned and disappeared into the background, not seeing Obi Wan try to introduce you only to find you gone.

You didn’t really have time to process how Obi Wan had looked at the Duchess over the next few months. You had to earn a living. You started taking waitressing jobs in Coruscant nightclubs. Which required a lot of skimpy short dresses. No one noticed you anyway. So they never bothered you too much.

Until a familiar voice said over the chatter of crowds and booming music,

“No one told me the view here was so lovely.”

With a blush you turned to see Obi Wan once again in his armor approach you.

“Hello Obi Wan.” You nodded.

“What are you doing here?” He asked.

“Well between the taxes the Chancellor imposed on businesses considered non essential to the war, and the taxes that made my rent go up, a girl has to eat. Even Dex has a second job now.” You shrugged.

“Which explains why I saw you at the gala. I’m sorry I didn’t know you were working. I thought you might have been there as someone’s date.” He said.

You scoffed,

“Yeah right. Who would take a girl from Coco town to one of those Upper level parties?”

“I would be proud to have you on my arm.” He said. You looked up at him at that.

“That’s sweet. But I don’t have time for parties these days.” You told him, trying to excuse yourself.

“Maybe...when the war is over?”

You stopped and looked at him in shock. Did he just? No he thought of you as a friend.

“Well you’ll have to win the war first.” You recovered.

“All the more reason to do so then My Dear. And quickly.” He said, lips tugged up. Ugh. When did he get so charming?

“Obi Wan!” Ashoka waved him over next to Anakin, Senator Amidala and a few troopers.

“I should get back to work.” You said.

“If you get off soon or have a break you’re free to join us.” He said kindly.

“Thanks. But as soon as I get off I have to head home to get a few hours sleep. I have to open Dex’s in the morning.” You told him.

“Then I’ll walk you home.” He nodded.

“You don’t have to.” You shook your head.

“I insist. And don’t you dare try to sneak out on me this time.” He told you.

You gave him a mock salute,

“Yes Sir.”

He chuckled and returned to his friends, as you took a steadying breath. But you couldn’t help but hear the Senator ask,

“Will your friend join us Obi Wan?”

“You mean his girlfriend?” Ahsoka teased.

“Snips!”

Obi Wan sighed,

“Anakin do control your padawan.”

It turned out that it wasn’t just Obi Wan to walk you home. You were also escorted by a few of his men. Men that had chuckled when Obi Wan had kissed your cheek goodnight. Until a bark from their general made them snap to attention.

You watched him leave that night, savoring the kiss lingering on your cheek. A memory you would cling to when a month later you got the awful news. Obi Wan had been murdered.

You had wanted to curl up and cry for days after receiving the news from Ahsoka. Anakin was understandably too upset to even speak since it happened. But Dex had gotten himself kriffing drunk when he heard. Someone had to keep the diner going.

The diner was closed the day of the funeral. You had to go solo. Dex couldn’t bring himself to go to it. You had never been to the Jedi temple before. It was massive and almost otherworldly. You were escorted to a lift. Where the Duchess from the ball joined you. She too had tears in her eyes.

You were left alone in the lift together. When she asked,

“How did you know Obi Wan?”

“I work at the diner he liked to go for lunch. He’s been coming ever since he was a padawan. The owner Dex is...was...a good friend. He couldn’t come today.” You explained.

“Sounds like Obi Wan.” She nodded fondly. “He protected me during the Mandalore Civil War. Him and Qui Gon. Then just Obi Wan for nearly a year. We grew so close...”

She sniffed delicately into a hanky, not noticing how you turned green. Of course a beautiful Duchess would turn his head. You were just a plain waitress from the lower levels. A friend. Every moment you thought had been proof of hidden affection for you was just a product of your imagination. You had tried to push away a good friend because of some stupid crush. A stupid crush that he wouldn’t return because of the woman next to you and the Jedi code. And now he was gone.

The lift opened and you exited into a large open air chamber. Your breath catching seeing the body lying in state under a sheet. You only noticed Anakin seething in rage in front of the body. The look on his face gave you chills. The rest of the service you kept your gaze on Obi Wan’s body until the last moment he was lowered into his tomb that slid closed. The emblem of the Jedi craved into his marker.

Unlike other funerals you had attended, once the service was over the Jedi left. Regular mourners like you, the Duchess and Senator Amidala lingered to give final respects. When it was your turn, you whispered,

“I’ll never stop loving you Obi Wan Kenobi. Even if you never loved me.”

You returned home and back to life. A few days later, it was almost closing when a man entered. He was bald headed, and rough looking. A scar and tattoo on his face. Bounty hunter written all over him.

“Hi. Welcome to Dex’s. The kitchen just closed but if you want caff or pie we have plenty.” You greeted with a courteous smile.

He stood there staring at you. He made you nervous. But not afraid. Odd.

“Sir?”

He shook himself,

“Just caff.”

“Coming up.” You nodded turning to grab the pot. You startled when you found him sitting in Obi Wan’s booth. Sure others had sat there, but the way he sat now, it was just too similar. Too eerie.

Something wrong?” He asked, voice gruff but gentle. There was something familiar about it.

“Nothing. It’s just...have we met?” You asked.

“No. I’d remember a pretty girl like you.” He said hiding his smile behind his cup. He wasn’t that attractive, but you blushed nevertheless.

“Not many people would call me pretty.” You said.

“They’re idiots.”

“Well thanks.” You laughed, ready to leave him alone.

“Why are you sad?” He stopped you.

“Excuse me?”

“Did you lose someone?” He pressed.

You gave a short laugh,

“That obvious huh?”

“Who did you lose?” He asked.

“A friend.”

“Just a friend?”

You furrowed your brow,

“Not that it’s any of your business, but yes. He was just my friend.”

“I meant no offense.” He said as if remembering himself.

“Right...” you nodded wanting to excuse yourself.

“It’s just...I can’t believe a man would just be content to be your friend. I’d imagine...he’d wish things were different. More than once.” He said.

“Maybe. But not with me.” You said.

“Why not?”

“Well at first I thought he was devoted to his calling. A calling I was told didn’t allow for attachments. So I didn’t want to take that away from him. Only later I discovered he had feelings for someone else.” You confessed. Why you were sharing this with a stranger you didn’t know. But it felt good to confess it.

“Maybe he was confused himself. Torn between his calling and his feelings for two different women.” He offered.

“You haven’t seen the other woman.” You scoffed putting down the pot and leaning against the booth.

“Let me guess? Tall? Blonde? Regal?” He prompted.

“Uncanny. You sure we haven’t met?” You asked.

“I’d never forget meeting you.” He said.

It was the twinkle in his eye that had you shaking your head.

“Well. If you had seen them together, there would be no doubt on who he would choose if he wanted to give up his calling. They looked made for each other.” You told him.

“Maybe. But I can see why he’d be drawn to you.”

At your skeptical brow raise he continued, “Your kindness. Your selflessness. Your work ethic.”

“This sounds like a job interview.” You quipped.

“Your eyes. How they light up when you look at him. Your smile would haunt his dreams. Your laugh ringing in his ears. How you treat him like a normal man. Put his happiness ahead of your own. The other woman may have a strength, intelligence and beauty that’s draws him as well, and he does care for her. Deeply. But he can’t imagine a normal life with her. He can with you. It’s tempted him far more than she ever did. All he needed was a word from you.” The stranger went on.

“Who are you?” You asked. He suddenly stood, looking out the window. He exited the booth looking down at you.

“A coward. For not doing this sooner.” He replied. Then he kissed you. Your eyes widened in surprise. Then you melted in his embrace.

Before losing yourself completely, he suddenly bolted into the kitchen. Confused beyond belief, you tried to figure out what just happened. When Anakin stormed in, lightsaber ignited.

“Where is he?” He barked.

“Who?” You asked.

“Rako Hardeen!” He hissed.

“Who?!”

He growled stomping into the kitchen. Ahsoka burst in, out of breath, troopers on her heel.

“What’s going on? Who was that man?” You demanded.

“That’s the man that killed Obi Wan!” She huffed. You collapsed into the booth, feeling sick.

Hours past and you were kept there for questioning. Master Windu had come to question you. If you knew anything about Hardeen. What you talked about. You got the impression that he was trying to see if you were an accomplice. That angered you. It was Master Yoda that stopped him. The wise green Jedi master sensed the truth in you he had said.

“Forgive Master Windu and Young Skywalker you must. Seeking justice they are.” He told you as the Jedi left, a few Clones assigned to take you home.

“It’s not like I asked for a murderer to seek me out. Master Yoda? Why would he kiss me?” You asked, embarrassed. But you had to know.

“Hmm. To get in heads of targets, snipers learn everything about them they do. Saw your friendship with Obi Wan he did. Snipers known to fall for those their target cared about. Happens more than you think.” Yoda assured you.

It made sense. Especially given your odd conversation. Obviously just the man’s misconceptions.

“Hmm. Curious though. Why call himself a coward he did?” He asked. A secret dancing on his little smile as he left you.

To top off the strange day, after the troopers had cleared your apartment, posting a guard outside just in case, you dreamed of the kiss. Only when Hardeen broke the kiss, he had turned into Obi Wan.

You tried to get on with life. Work at the diner during the days, the clubs at night and on your days off. Hardeen was caught and sent to prison. You still dreamed of that kiss.

Months went by. Anakin started to come for lunch. His way of remembering Obi Wan you supposed. Only he only brought Ahsoka half the time. Senator Amidala was often his company. Padme as she insisted you call her. And judging by the looks they gave each other, they weren’t just friends. Which didn’t surprise you. Anakin had always been more willing to break the rules than Obi Wan had.

As much as you enjoyed getting to know them better, you still felt like a third wheel. When Ahsoka and the Clones joined him, you were more inclined to hang out. But seeing them flirting when they thought no one was looking you had to roll your eyes. Did they know how obvious they were?

But one day, you woke up with the realization that you hadn’t dreamt of the kiss. Maybe you were finally moving on. You fixed yourself a full breakfast. Then walked to Dex’s for the afternoon shift. Settling into the routine of taking and filling orders. You were mixing a milkshake when a voice you never thought you’d hear again spoke up.

“Hello there.”

You gasped, dropping the glass. Only it didn’t shatter. You looked and saw it was floating in midair.

“We really must stop meeting like this.” That voice said. You turned. Praying this wasn’t a cruel dream. For there was Obi Wan. His hair was buzzcut short again, his shaven beard growing back in. Smiling gently at you.

“That’s an inappropriate use of the Force.” You reminded him.

“Just say the word and I’ll give it up.” He said.

You blanched,

“What?”

He was interrupted by Dex running from the kitchen,

“Obi Wan! Knew you weren’t dead!”

“Hello Dex.” Obi Wab greeted before being pulled into a tight four armed hug.

The greeting soon turned into a celebration when Anakin, Ahsoka, Padme and the Clones showed up. You were soon given an explanation. Obi Wan had faked his death to go undercover to save the Chancellor from an assassination plot. Taking the identity of Rako Hardeen and even changing his face. Doing the timeline in your head, you realized something.

“That was you that night wasn’t it?” You asked him quietly.

“I’m sorry for deceiving you.” He apologized.

“But why?” You asked.

“I needed to make sure my voice modulator was working correctly. That if a friend who knew me for years couldn’t tell, then I could fool everyone else.” He replied.

Friend. Of course.

“And the kiss? All the things you said?” You asked.

“Well I like to be though.” He quipped, taking a bite of cake.

“I see.”

“You’re angry with me.” He stated.

“Maybe I am. After all Master Kenobi you did manipulate my feelings just to test your dumb disguise.” You clarified.

“Manipulate? I didn’t mean...”

“Next time try Satine. I’m sure she won’t be so easily fooled.” You told him yanking off your apron and stomping out, ignoring Obi Wan calling after you.

It would be almost a year before you saw him again. Anakin said he was focused on ending the war. Not that you asked about him. More than...six times. This time you suspected Dex had changed your schedule so you could avoid the Jedi. Until one night when you showed up for the late shift. Dex was sick again. So you would have to close up. Luckily you didn’t have to work the clubs tonight.

Only when you got there, you saw Obi Wan in his usual booth.

“He’s been sitting there all day. Won’t let me or FLO get him anything.” the other waitress Hermoine told you. You sighed tying on your apron. You still had a job to do.

“What can I get you General?” You had asked.

“That depends.” He replied.

“On?”

“If you’re still mad at me?” He asked.

You laughed softly, folding your arms,

“Believe it or not Obi Wan, regular people don’t hold on to past grievances. We’ve got lives to live.”

“I know. It’s one of the things I admire about you.” He said.

“I’m sorry about Satine.” You offered. You had heard it from the news. The Duchess assassinated. Mandalore under the control of a mysterious crime boss. The fate of the war up in the air.

“Thank you.” He said softly. Eyes sad.

“You were there weren’t you?” You guessed taking a seat.

“I tried to rescue her. I can’t say much, but the man who killed her is an old enemy of mine. He wanted me to suffer. I barely escaped.” Obi Wan told you.

“I’m sure she knew you did your best.” You assured him.

“She told me she loved me. That she always would.” He confessed.

Your heart skipped a beat,

“And what did you tell her?”

“That had she said the word, I’d have left the order.” He said.

“You did love her.” You said. But not me, you thought.

“Remember that year Qui Gon and I went to help during the Mandalore Civil War?” He asked.

“Yes. Satine told me. At your funeral. You spent a year together.” You recalled.

“We did grow close. And if she had asked I would have left the order. If I hadn’t mucked up our one and only kiss.” He explained.

“Mucked up how?”

“I called her by your name.” He confessed.

“What?” You blinked.

“She was furious. I tried to explain but I didn’t know how. I still don’t to be honest.” He said.

Your brain stopped working. You tried to process his words.

“I devoted myself to the Order because it was easier to ignore the fact that I cared for not just one woman but two. So I wouldn’t have to choose. That cost one of you your life. And it’s not fair. To either of you.

I only thank the Maker that no one knows about you. None of my enemies anyway. To be on the safe side a trooper will be working undercover here to protect you. You might have to pretend to be dating him.”

Obi Wan had grumbled this last part.

“Jealous?” You teased him.

“Very. But I promise you once this blasted war is over, I’m not going to keep you waiting anymore. I’ll leave the Order and we’ll figure out what we have. Together.” He stated.

“Are you just saying this because I’m your only choice now?” You asked.

He looked confused,

“What? No...I...”

You stopped him by taking his hand,

“Obi Wan. The Force chose you to have these marvelous gifts. To be used for good. Even before I knew about Satine I never wanted you to give that side of yourself up for me. I love you for who you are. As you are. I’ve dreamed of you wanting me as I’ve wanted you. But because you can’t live without me. Not because you’re scared to lose me. Correct me if I’m wrong but that’s the path to the Dark Side right?”

“Right as always my Darling.” He conceded.