#how much different are they before and after that process

[milfsloverblog]

Secret Benefits (part 7)

Sugar mommy!Larissa Weems x fem!reader

A/N: The long awaited chapter! I struggled so much writing this chapter, I think I started the draft months ago and eventually ended up changing the whole thing. I hope you’ll enjoy it nevertheless!

The soft ticking of the clock echoed through the quiet room, its rhythmic pulse somehow failing to soothe your racing thoughts. You were curled up on the couch, the blanket Larissa had draped over you pulled tight against your chest. The warmth from the tea mug in your hands almost felt like a physical weight, grounding you in the moment, but it did little to ease the confusion clouding your mind.

It had been a while since you’d felt this strange mixture of calm and disorientation—the kind where everything in your life seemed to be turned upside down, and yet you couldn’t shake the nagging sense that something was different now.

But what exactly that “something” was, you couldn’t pinpoint.

Larissa sat beside you, her fingers brushing through your damp hair. She was gentle, almost tentative, her touch soothing but cautious. She had been careful with you—her movements tender, like she wasn’t sure how much space you needed, or how much closeness you could bear. Her words had been sparse, but her presence spoke volumes.

You hadn’t expected this. You hadn’t expected her. Here. So gentle, so kind, and so understanding, especially after you had been nothing but cold to her before. Yet here she was, sitting next to you with a quiet warmth that felt too much to process.

“Larissa?” you murmured, your voice thick with emotions you hadn’t dared to voice. The silence between you both had grown so heavy, pulling at you like a tug of war. It felt like the space between you was expanding, and you couldn’t tell if it was drawing you closer or farther apart. “I… I don’t know how to process any of this.”

Larissa’s fingers paused in your hair. You could hear the shift in her breath—slow, measured—as if she were gathering her thoughts before speaking.

“I know,” she said softly, and though her words were simple, there was a weight to them. Her voice, today, was different. It held something deeper—something you hadn’t heard from her before. The usual authority she carried, the sharp, confident edges, had softened. Today, there was something vulnerable in the way she held herself, something you could almost reach out and touch.

“I don’t deserve your kindness,” you whispered, your voice barely audible, as if the admission might make it too real.

Larissa’s hand stopped moving, and for a moment, the room seemed to hold its breath. Then, her voice broke through the quiet, soft and clear. “You don’t deserve what happened to you, either.”

The words were like a weight on your chest. They settled there, uncomfortably heavy, but somehow grounding. You shifted under the blanket, your thoughts in a fog. The memories of last night were fragmented, pieces that didn’t quite fit together, leaving you with a sick feeling in your stomach. The guilt gnawed at you, threatening to overtake everything.

“I don’t know if I can ever make up for what I did to you,” you murmured, feeling the guilt tighten in your throat. “I hurt you, Larissa. I hurt you in ways that feel unforgivable.”

A long pause followed. Larissa was still, her fingers still resting lightly against your scalp. Then, her voice broke the silence, steady but laced with something more. “Forgiveness isn’t something you earn from someone else. It’s something you find within yourself.”

You didn’t answer right away. The truth of her words hit you hard, and you could feel the tension pulling at your chest. It wasn’t just the guilt. It was everything—the weight of your past mistakes, the confusion over the present, and the fear of what might come next. The clock ticking in the background seemed louder now, as if it was keeping time for something that wasn’t yet ready to be spoken.

The world outside had fallen into a stillness, the fading light filtering through the curtains and casting long shadows across the room. But in the silence, something was unsettling, like the space between you and Larissa was becoming more distant, not less. A heaviness hung between you, thickening, neither of you quite sure how to bridge the gap.

Suddenly, Larissa’s hand withdrew from your hair, and you noticed the shift in the air, as if something had changed, though you couldn’t yet understand what. Her voice cut through the tension.

“I have something to show you,” she said, her tone low but filled with determination.

A chill ran through you. Something in her tone made your heart race, a knot of unease settling in your stomach.

“What do you mean?” you asked, though a sense of dread was already creeping into your mind.

Larissa took a slow breath, her gaze flicking toward you, a hesitation in her eyes. “Trust me,” she said, her words heavy with something unspoken. There was a promise behind them, something you weren’t sure you were ready for, but you nodded anyway, unsure of what else to do.

Larissa stood from the couch, a hand smoothing her hair in a soothing attempt.

And then, without warning, it happened.

It wasn’t visible at first—a small flicker, almost imperceptible—just a slight shift in the air around her. But before you could register it fully, the world around Larissa bent, rippled like a heatwave distorting the space between you. You blinked rapidly, your brain trying to make sense of what was happening.

And then she was gone.

Where once Larissa had stood, now was a man. The transformation had been so quick, so seamless, that it took your mind a moment to catch up. The man who stood in her place was tall, with broad shoulders and a strong frame that radiated strength and confidence. His face was familiar but unfamiliar at once—a stranger’s face, yet those piercing blue eyes, the same eyes you’d seen so many times before, were unmistakable.

You moved back instinctively, your heart hammering in your chest. The man—no, Larissa, you realized—was standing before you in the same clothes from the night before. The dark jacket, the jeans, the boots, all familiar. The man you had seen rescuing you from the alley was now standing in your living room, only this time, the eyes staring back at you held more than just concern. They were full of something deeper.

Your mind reeled, trying to make sense of it. Larissa had… changed. She had shifted into him.

The man who had saved you. The one who had protected you. That man was Larissa.

You stumbled backwards, your back hitting the wall behind you as your breath caught in your throat. You had no words. No comprehension of what was happening.

“What... what are you doing?” you managed to choke out, your voice trembling.

The man—Larissa—stood there, his expression unreadable, but his eyes were filled with an emotion you couldn’t name. His stance was rigid, like he was waiting for you to say something, anything. And then, his voice, the deep gravelly tone of the man you had seen before, broke the silence.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly. But it wasn’t the man’s voice exactly—it had a trembling, vulnerable edge to it. “I had to tell you the truth.”

You blinked, stunned. “You’re... a shapeshifter?” You said, unsure about it being the right word.

Larissa nodded, her expression pained, as if the words themselves had hurt her. “Yes. I am.”

The shock of it hit you like a wave, and for a moment, you couldn’t process anything. Your mind was a mess of confused thoughts, fragmented memories, and the overwhelming realization that everything about Larissa—everything about her—was different from what you’d imagined.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” you whispered, barely able to form the question.

Larissa’s expression softened, and a quiet sigh escaped him. “I never wanted you to know,” he said, his voice now softer, almost regretful. “I didn’t want you to think of me differently. I didn’t want you to see me as something... less than human.”

You swallowed hard. The weight of his words was heavier than you had imagined. You had always seen Larissa as someone strong, someone unshakable. To see her so vulnerable, so raw at that moment, was a shock.

“I don’t know what to think right now,” you whispered. “This is... too much.”

“I know,” Larissa said quietly, and her eyes softened as she took a hesitant step forward. “But I couldn’t keep this from you anymore. I need you to understand... I didn’t just help you because I had to. I helped you because I care about you.”

You stared at him, your heart racing as the implications of his words sank in. “But why the man?” you asked, still trying to understand it all. “Why not just tell me as you are?”

Larissa’s gaze faltered for a moment, his jaw tightening. “It’s not that simple. When I shift, it’s more than just changing my body. It’s... it’s deeper. The man you saw last night, the one who saved you, he’s a persona I’ve used for years. One I adopt when I need to protect someone. I didn’t know how to explain that to you... and I didn’t want to scare you.”

You stared at him, trying to understand. “I wouldn’t have run,” you whispered. “I wouldn’t have thought you were... less human.”

Larissa’s gaze softened, his shoulders relaxing slightly at your words. But before he could respond, the shift began again. It was as if the air itself was twisting, warping around him. The man’s form shimmered and then, in the blink of an eye, the transformation was complete. Larissa stood before you once again, silver hair neatly tied back, eyes the same piercing blue, but something was different. She was still the woman you had known, but now, there was a vulnerability in her that had never been there before.

“You didn’t have to do this,” you said softly, stepping toward her.

Larissa looked at you, her eyes filled with something you could no longer name. “I needed you to understand. I needed you to know the truth.”

You took a step forward, your chest tight with something more than confusion. “I understand,” you said softly.

She smiled, a soft, bittersweet expression, and for the first time, you realized that despite everything—despite the secrets, the pain, the shifting realities—you weren’t as alone as you had once felt. The world outside might have been quiet, but in that moment, you finally felt like you were beginning to understand something deeper about yourself, about Larissa, and about what was possible in this strange, uncertain new chapter.

And maybe, just maybe, it was this was the start of something worth fighting for, something more than the simple arrangement you two had made at the beginning.

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Taglist: @raspburrythief @weemssapphic @readingtheentrails @larissaoftarthweems @principal-weems09 @kimiinou @winterfireblond @im-a-carnivorous-plant @geekyarmorel @h-doodles @azu-zu @witchesmortuary @m1lflov3rrr @dumbasslesbi @crow-raven-crow @fridays-coven @lilfartbox1 @shawncantwrite @autumn-leaves-chasing-breeze @gwens0girl @aemilia19 @the-bagel24 @lvinhs @thefutureisus2020 @gela123 @a-queen-and-her-throne @rando-mango @wheresmyboo @my-silver-spring @hillary-nicks @ablsk @natasha29romanoff @tallvampirelady12 @canyoufeelmyheartsayinghi @i-love-nerdy-stuff @jasperobsidian-blog @i-write-sometimes-maybe @brienne-the-brave @slytherinthepms @non-binary-frogking @wife-of-gwendolinechristie @anjo-iludidoefudido @imnotafruitt @opheliauniverse

[therandompagesblog]

SKZ Mate Chapter 19

Trigger Warnings: insecurity, angst, alcohol consumption

The essence in the room turned sour as the stories unfolded. They felt uncomfortable hearing their head alpha's childhood. It felt too private and Hyunjin aired it out to threaten Chan into staying, but no one said anything as they watched Chan leave the room. Chan needed to be alone to process as did they all, but it now left the newly presented alpha in charge. Jeongin wasn't in no way prepared to step up so quickly but he had to. He refused to watch the wolves fall apart so he had to create an order quickly. He had sent Minho and Felix to the kitchen to cook them a light dinner while Changbin was sent to fix Felix's nest and if his nest wasn't fixed by the end of the day they were sharing rooms until it was fixed. Jeongin kept Jisung close to the omega considering he had the strongest bond with her and hoped he could comfort her or at least make her feel better while Jeongin went round the house checking on the wolves. By the time he came back, he found the beta lying on the omega's lap with his eyes closed as she comforted him, causing Jeongin to kick the beta. He couldn't believe Jisung, he was supposed to look after her, not the other way around, but Y/N didn't mind. She was so lost in thought as she processed everything from Chan to his uncle to Hyunjin. It was a lot but one thing she kept going back to was the inevitable war with Hongjoong. "Jisung, I need a bit of paper and a pen," Y/N whispered trying to push the heavy beta off of her. "What why?"Jisung asked as he got up but she waved her hand, asking him to be quick. As soon as Y/N had a couple of sheets of paper she wrote down everything she could remember of Hongjoong's pack that may help them. She wrote down everything from their skills to possible weaknesses. She even wrote down the spiritual barrier that was guarded by werewolf spirits.

Jisung and Jeongin had no idea what she was writing but watched her in anticipation as she scribbled all over the sheets of paper circling different things. Every so often the two wolves would look up at each other with a frown before watching her. "Here. It's a list of possible weaknesses in case he comes, which he will. I don't know how much of this is a weakness but this is all I know. Hyunjin may know more but for now, we can think of options while Chan processes. I don't want Chan to act on impulse." Y/N answered as she looked at the young alpha who was a few days older than her. "Agreed. It is a thought we need to be aware of. We don't know how much Hongjoong has prepared or started but we need all the info! Thank you, Y/N." Jeongin said gratefully with a smile even though he was feeling dread seep through his veins. He was in no way prepared. "The main problem is going to be the witch coven. Hongjoong has ties with witches who use dark magic, but his whole entire domain is cast with a dark aura. What, I don't know, but the spiritual barrier is real. They're evil spirits trapped in the lining around the house is in a circle. Now we could find someone to break the circle or we wait it out until it comes down but that's twice a year." Y/N stressed. Jeongin reached out and squeezed Y/N's shoulder reassuringly before kissing her forehead. He didn't want her to worry but he will make a plan, but he needed everyone in their right frame of mind first. "Listen to me, whatever happens, we will get through this," Jeongin promised as he looked at her worried face. Y/N wanted to believe him but she was concerned, that there were too many risks. "I'm going to go and see if Chan is alright. He needs me." Y/N stated as she got up, heading towards the back door to see Chan sat on the decking look out at the woods.

Y/N could see from his position that he was deep in his thoughts. It broke her heart as she looked at him. He looked lost and she wanted to make it better. "Chan?" Y/N called out, hoping not to startle him but he hadn't heard her so she slowly crept forward before she wrapped her arms around his shoulders. Chan jumped when he felt someone touch him, but relaxed when he smelt her. Her scent calming him. "Channie?!" Y/N cooed as she nuzzled him with her head before placing a kiss on his shoulder. He was so tense under her that hurt her heart. She didn't like this side of him and wanted to make it better. "Channie. Tell me what to do. How do I make it better?" Y/N whispered as she kissed his shoulder. Chan shook his head and said nothing. There was nothing she could do right now. "Baby, just give me some space for a little while alright? I promise I'll come back in." Chan answered, his voice came out slightly cold, but he wanted to sound comforting. "Hey! I love you, baby. There is no doubt about it and I know I haven't said it yet, but I planned to. I wanted to make it special but I do love you alright. I just need a few minutes, baby, okay? I never wanted you to hear that about me." "Channie, it's okay! I'll give you some space. Take all the time you need and let me know when you need me." Y/N assured as she rubbed his shoulders one last time. "Thank you, baby. I'll come in soon!" Chan squeezed her hand giving it a quick kiss as he watched her walk back into the house. Chan didn't want her to push her away but he also didn't want her to see him so vulnerable. He didn't want to dig up old memories he healed from. He didn't want her to think of him as a disgrace. He wanted to be perfect for her. He wanted to be her protector. He needed to get his shit together but he needed a moment to himself.

Eventually, Chan came back into the house to find everyone asleep but Hyunjin who was sitting in the kitchen with a glass of whisky in his hand. He heard the alpha come in so he slid the other glass over towards him not saying a word. Chan walked over and took the glass, rolling it around in his hand before knocking it back. "You make it difficult to trust you, you know," Chan stated as he poured another drink. Hyunjin scoffed at his words and he accepted them. "I know that," Hyunjin answered. "We have to come to an agreement-" "No. No, we do not. She is your soul mate. She always has been, as she is the rest of the pack. I will always be there for her, even when she doesn't want me." Hyunjin answered, his eyes fixating on the dying plant on the island table. "That is not what I meant, Hyunjin. I know you have history and I won't take that away from you. What I meant is you need to give me room to trust you, but I can't throw you out, not now." Chan stated, his words turning colder. Hyunjin tried to look into his thoughts but noticed he was quiet, purposely hiding them from him. "No you can't. You need me to fight against Hongjoong and you need me to keep her." Hyunjin chuckled as he scrunched up his nose before pointing to him with the glass held tightly in his hand. "I don't care whether you like me or trust me, what I do care about is Y/N and the wolves." "How many more secrets do you have left? Huh? You told me you were cursed but you never meant you were nearly cursed into a lycan." Chan whispered as he slammed the glass down. "I failed my love that is a fact, but I will make it right." Hyunjin admitted but Chan did not believe him for a second. It didn't make any sense to why he would abandon her or not even mention her. "Did she know you loved her? She didn't because you were a cruel alpha." Chan spat. "Harsh, yes. Cruel no. I never forced her to do anything." Hyunjin stated before he got up to leave the room." She was the one who cracked my heart. But don't worry Christopher. The more you worry the weaker you become. You're a head alpha. So act like one."

Taglist for the iconic readers:

@galaxy4489 @mbioooo0000 @jisungs-iced-americano @maybeimmia @hwangrfrnd@wolfo2027 @kayleefriedchicken @leamueller920 @borahae-reads @jennibahng @cookiesandcreammy @leezanetheofficial @jutdwae-flower @danceonmyheyday @jc003 @hpnsfwaddict @linocz @itzreetal987 @skzdreamer13 @reallychaoticwoo @liv1sworld @upsidedownchaire @jutdwae-flower @danceonmyheyday @jc003 @hpnsfwaddict @skzdreamer13 @reallychaoticwoo @ihttinniee @kingdomofpentagon @pixie0627 @tsunderelino @notevenheretbh1

[berryz-writes]

Home

Lucien x reader

Summary: Lucien and you are finally living the dream. A new house and the love of your life with you, what else could you ask for?

note: First time writing for Lucien!! Aka @thelov3lybookworm husband ;) its also a teeny tiny fic/not as long because i genuinly dk whats going on with my life rn but i hope yall enjoy it <33

@lucienweekofficial(day 4)

The smell of paint wasn’t always my favourite. It had this weird tinge that I couldn’t get rid of no matter how many different scented candles I lit around the house. It felt as though the paint had crawled its way into my bed..... or maybe it was because my mate who had been painting the house was sleeping next to me.

One night he had been so tired Lucien simply rolled into bed, paint covered trousers still on and hugged me to his chest, ruining my nighties in the process. According to him my nighties now had a “splash of personality”. 

Safe to say they were in the bin and he had brought me three new pairs.

Tiptoeing into the living room I watched Lucien using a roller up and down the wall, the cream colour covering the once grey and dusty expanse. His back muscles were prominent, making me forget why I was even here as I simply watched him work.

He looked like he was enjoying the silence way too much, an idea to disturb him popping up immediately. Sneaking up on him from behind and dipping my finger in the paint can I painted a heart onto his muscled shoulder, the warmth of his skin making my fingers tingle.

I knew the second he felt my presence he could have turned around and stopped me but instead he let me finish my heart. The little things he did that made it feel like my heart was going to burst from the amount of love I had for him.

As I stepped back, admiring my work, Lucien's voice broke the comfortable silence. "Is this your new way of greeting me?" he murmured, the corners of his mouth lifting in that lopsided smile I knew so well. His eyes, golden flecks catching the light, held a glimmer of amusement, daring me to answer.

Instead, I dipped a finger back in the paint and touched it to his chest, leaving another little heart right above where his own beat steadily. He chuckled, and in one quick movement, his fingers found the paint can, swiping a cool, creamy streak along my nose before I could dodge.

"Oh, so that's how it's going to be, huh?" I grinned, grabbing a small brush from the tray nearby. The next few moments blurred into laughter and paint splatters, our voices filling the quiet room, as we playfully dodged each other's attacks.

Slowly the fighting came to a stop, of course after I got the last hit.

Before I could tell what was happening Lucien turned his face away, body angled away as his hand shot up to cover his eyes. My heart dropped in an instant, my smile faltering as I reached out instinctively. "Lucien? Are you alright?" I whispered, my voice laced with worry.

The playful tension melted into concern as I reached out, trying to pull his hand away. "Did the paint get in your eyes?"

He didn’t respond right away, his shoulders shaking slightly as he kept his face turned from me, his hand shielding his eyes. Panic rose within me, my heart pounding faster with each passing second.

“I’m sorry my love, here let me clean it. Don’t rub it, It’ll hurt even…” My words cut off as I gently turned his face to look at me and instead of paint on his face, there were tears running down his face. Heart breaking in two I cupped his face “What’s wrong?” whispering the words I brushed a thumb across his warm freckled cheek. 

His hands came to rest on my hips as he looked down at me with a small smile on his lips as the tears still came down. 

“Nothing”

“So why are you crying then?” Wiping away his tears I was confused as ever. Lucien wasn’t usually one to cry but when he did it broke my heart too.

“Because…” He took a deep breath as if trying to reign in his emotions and explain to me “Because everythings perfect. This- it’s all I've ever wanted. The love of my life with me, a place I can call home”

As Lucien took a breath, his voice barely a whisper, I felt an ache in my chest. His hands tightened on my hips, grounding himself in the moment, as if to reassure himself that this was all real—that I was here, that I was his, and that the life we were building together was more than just a fleeting dream.

"You've put so much into this place," I murmured, reaching up to run my fingers through his messy paint specked hair, still mussed from hours of painting and effort. "Every bit of it feels like you."

His lips tilted up at the ends as he looked down at me, his thumb gently tracing a small circle on my hip. "I wanted it to feel… right. Somewhere we can make memories."

I felt the weight of his words, each syllable filling the room with a profound vulnerability. He wasn’t just talking about paint and walls. This was a dream made tangible—a life he’d fought so hard to build. I remembered nights spent in my old apartment, fantasizing about places just like this.

"We will Lucien. I wouldn't want this with anyone else"

He looked down at me, his gaze warm and searching. His voice was a whisper as he admitted, "I never thought I’d fall in love again after...." It took him a moment as if pushing away the tide of emotions he was feeling "-after everything.... you are the light of my life, did you know?"

My heart swelled, and I couldn’t help but smile, cupping his face as I stood up on my tiptoes, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead. “So are you"

P.s: dnnfdhbfhjbdfb uhm luciens a cutie also ignore any mistakes <3 or feel free to tell me

[godsfavdarling]

Why is it so hard?

my masterlist

pairing: Spencer Reid x gn!reader summary: Spencer has cooked a meal for both of you, but you find yourself unable to take a bite. words: 1,2k warnings: food struggles/eating disorder, please read with care and prioritize your well-being, no y/n a/n: This was a request! I want to mention that I have my own struggles with food, which may have shaped how I wrote this story. Everyone’s experiences are unique, and we all face different challenges and thought processes. I hope this resonates with you somehow, though I understand if it’s not exactly what you were looking for. Thank you for reading, and I’m sending all my love to anyone who may relate to this story in their own way.

Spencer had been so excited to cook for you. After weeks of long days at the BAU and many crazy cases, he finally had a few days off, and when he suggested making a homemade meal for the two of you, you agreed. 

Part of you was excited, hoping this time would feel different. You’d convinced yourself that tonight, it’d be fine.

But now, sitting at his small dining table with the warm light casting a cozy glow over the food he’d prepared, all that optimism is slipping away. 

Your stomach twists as you stare at the plate in front of you, perfectly arranged with a meal Spencer had put so much effort and love into. 

You know it’s probably delicious, and you wish more than anything that you could just eat it without hesitation, without feeling this gnawing discomfort.

You wish you could just smile and thank him, telling him how incredible it all smells, how delicious it looks.

In your mind, you imagine taking that first bite under his soft, expectant gaze, watching his eyes light up with quiet pride. 

You’d close your eyes, savoring each flavor as it fills your mouth, and when you open them again, you’d see his delighted smile. 

You’d tell him how amazing of a cook he is and how perfect tonight feels.

But instead, the words are trapped somewhere deep inside, just out of reach, and the meal sits untouched on your plate. And you couldn’t even lie or pretend if you wanted to. 

Spencer watches you quietly, his own plate barely touched as he picks up on your tension. 

You keep your eyes on your food, not wanting to meet his, a lump forming in your throat as shame starts to bubble up. 

He went through all this effort, made everything look so perfect, and here you are, unable to take a single bite. 

You can’t help but feel, again, that there must be something wrong with you—something that keeps you from just… eating like everyone else.

A soft sigh escapes you as you push the food around on your plate, trying to hide your reluctance. 

But you know he can see it. 

You hate the thought of disappointing him, of wasting the meal he prepared just for you.

So you clear your throat,  plastering on a smile as you search for something—anything—to fill the silence and keep his attention off the plate in front of you.

“So… you wouldn’t believe what happened on the metro today,” you say, leaning forward a bit, hoping to keep his focus on you instead of the meal. “This guy—he looked like he was in a huge rush—was running down the platform, trying to make it before the doors closed. And just as he got to the edge, his phone flew out of his hand. You should’ve seen it, Spence, it went spinning through the air in slow motion.”

Spencer’s brow lifts, his eyes sparking with curiosity as he chuckles. “Did he get his phone back?”

“I actually don’t know. But here’s the crazy part. He didn’t even notice! He was so focused on making it inside that he left his phone lying there on the platform. And people were shouting after him, trying to get his attention as the train pulled away. It was chaos.”

Spencer’s grin widens, completely drawn into your story. “And then?”

“Then this lady picks up his phone and just shakes her head, like she’s seen this happen a hundred times before. She walks over to the nearest bench, sits down, and just waits for the next train like nothing happened.”

Spencer lets out a laugh, shaking his head. “That’s intense,” he says.

You keep adding more details, letting the conversation flow from one story to the next, watching Spencer laugh, his smile widening as he listens. 

With each laugh, the tension in your chest eases a little more, and for a few moments, you almost forget about the untouched plate in front of you. 

Almost.

But then, as your story winds down, there’s a brief pause. You feel his gaze shift, and when you look up, he’s watching you carefully, a softness in his eyes that makes your heart clench.

“You don’t have to eat it if you don’t want to,” he says, his words tender, free of any judgment. “I didn’t make this to make you uncomfortable. I don’t want you to feel pressured. I just wanted to do something nice for you.”

You feel your face warm as his words sink in,

You glance down at the plate, then back up at him, trying to find the right words. “I’m sorry,” you mumble, your voice barely a whisper. “I know it’s silly. It’s just… sometimes it’s hard.”

“I know it’s not easy for you. I noticed.” 

Of course he did

“And I don’t want you to feel bad about it, okay?”

“It’s not that I don’t appreciate it. I know it’s probably really good, and you went through all this effort…”

“Hey,” he interrupts, his hand reaching across the table to rest near yours, close enough that his fingers could brush yours if you needed it. “There’s no need to apologize. It’s okay. I’m not mad or upset okay? We don’t have to make a big deal out of it. I mean it.”

You exhale, feeling some of the weight ease from your shoulders, even if only slightly. You meet his eyes, seeing nothing but kindness and understanding.

“Thank you,” you murmur. “It’s just… hard sometimes,” you say softly, your voice barely above a whisper. “It’s like, no matter how much I want to, I can’t make it any easier on myself. I hate it all. I wish I could just eat and enjoy it like everybody else. Why is it so hard?”

Spencer listens closely, his gaze softening as he considers your words. “It’s okay,” he says quietly, his voice gentle. 

“You know, there’s a lot of research on why some people find eating more difficult or even distressing. For some, it’s sensory—taste, texture, even certain smells can be overwhelming. For others, it might be about control, or even just... the way their brain is wired.”

He pauses, glancing down at the table thoughtfully before continuing. “Actually, it’s pretty fascinating. The way our brains process food and flavor isn’t just about hunger or taste. It’s tied to so many different things—sensory receptors, past experiences, even emotional responses. So, you’re not alone, and it’s not your fault. It’s just… complicated.”

You watch him as he speaks, his eyes shining with that familiar intensity he gets when he’s deep in his rambling.

He smiles, his voice growing softer. “I know it’s frustrating, and I can’t pretend to understand exactly how it feels for you. But.. I’m here, whenever you want to talk about it—or even when you don’t.” 

He offers a small smile and notices the glint of tears in your eyes, his hand covering yours to squeeze it lightly.

“Hey,” he says softly, his thumb brushing over your knuckles. “How about we just… watch a movie?”

You nod, a grateful smile spreading across your face. “I’d like that. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. Everything’s okay.”

[hellsitedotcom]

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*·˚ FIRST KISS HEADCANONS : PART ONE *·˚

ft. Aventurine, Moze.

My brain doesn't work properly, which means I ain't happy with anything I write when it comes to prompts/longer drabbles, so here's another round of Headcanons 'cause, uhhh, I had a random thought. (Unfortunately cursed to have those) EDIT: This...escalated a tiiiiiny bit, buuuut (as much as I hate my writing) I don't rlly mind.

*·˚ warnings/info: well, there's obviously going to be mentions of kissing; mentions of alcohol/drinking (Aventurine); Sunday's escalated so much, I had to make it a separate post lol. *·˚ english isn't my native language!

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⭒˚｡⋆ Aventurine ⭒˚｡⋆

⇢ I'll be frank: It probably happened while you were both drinking, just ''unwinding'' and ending up having a rather good time. You were sat at a bar way longer than you should've - the employees really just wanted to get home, but you two just...weren't leaving.

⇢ You were sat further away, obscured by room dividers, only your voices audible to anyone else. Aventurine had been teasing you since you agreed to go drink something with him, and now you were both at a point at which he felt like...taking risks.

⇢ He had asked you for a simple game of poker, winner gets granted a wish - but the loser will only find out what the winner wants after the game; were you in, or were you out? And you, slightly drunk, agreed after only a few seconds. What could possibly go wrong?

⇢ And he won - of course he did. What else did you expect? But you were laughing, joking how you had nearly beat him; still in a good mood, you waited for him to tell you his wish - his ''demand''; and he did, your eyes widening for mere seconds, before you granted it.

''Royal Flush,'' Aventurine triumphantly laughed, displaying the cards on the table between you, ''I win, sunshine.'' You just groaned, though you didn't hide the amusement in your expression, ''Oh, you definitely rigged that. There's no way, come on.'' ''Well, at least I almost got you,'' you added more quietly, chuckling while he collected all the cards you had used. ''I simply don't lose,'' he countered, smirking at you as he leaned closer, a motion you followed curiously, ''I thought you would've noticed by now.'' You merely scoffed, rolling your eyes without hiding your smile, ''Sure, sure, Mr. Gambler.'' ''You just got lucky,'' you hummed in a teasing manner, leaning further across the table, ''So, what's your wish?'' Aventurine held your gaze, unwavering, and even in the dim lighting of the bar, you could tell that he was thinking. A part of you wanted to regret agreeing to this, but the other part - the louder part - only grew more intrigued. For a moment, his eyes dropped to your lips - so quickly that you thought you had imagined it - before his lips parted, your eyes widening the slightest bit at his words, ''How about a kiss?'' You could feel your face heat up, a wave of different emotions momentarily taking over your expression before you collected yourself again. ''Just a kiss?'' you repeated, making sure you had heard him right. ''Just a kiss,'' Aventurine confirmed, slightly tilting his head, ''Only if you're comfortable, that is.'' Silence settled after that, your mind still processing his wish. Despite how lost in your thoughts you were, you could notice Aventurine grow...unsure? No, that wasn't really it... You were taking too long, and the man was beginning to wonder if you would back out. And just as he was about to repeat himself, making sure you knew that you didn't have to kiss him if you didn't want to, you crossed the space between the two of you, your lips crashing against his. You weren't even thinking, merely acting on instinct...on a feeling deep inside you, an urge you had been fighting for months. The second your lips had touched his, all your restrain had vanished, and Aventurine didn't seem to be feeling any different as he reciprocated your kiss, a hand coming up to rest on your neck, pulling you even closer. Neither of you could get enough, your hands resting on the table between, but all good things have to come to an end, don't they? As you tried moving even closer, breathless from the things he was doing to you, a loud buzzing noise interrupted the two of you, making you pull apart. ''The IPC...'' Aventurine groaned, visibly annoyed as he stared at his phone screen. He had to take the call, you both knew it. And, before the man could decide if he was willing to take another risk by pressing on decline, the bar staff came up to you, informing you that it was time to leave for you anyway...

⇢ You didn't sleep much that night, or the nights that followed, your mind too busy replaying that kiss over and over again. The next time you saw Aventurine again, neither of you mentioned the night at the bar, though from the way he looked at you alone, you knew you weren't the only one unable to forget it.

⭒˚｡⋆ Moze ⭒˚｡⋆

⇢ This came to me in a prophetic dream (listening to music & daydreaming), and I am a firm believer that your first kiss happened...on accident, almost. In a situation that...how did it even come to that?

⇢ You were sat beside him, hiding in the ''shadows'' away from everyone else while Moze was patrolling the area. There...wasn't really a need to do it, but it was Moze, so you didn't really question it. And while he was taking all of this seriously, you were just...laying in the sunlight, having a wonderful time.

⇢ At one point, you had just started talking, asking brief questions or sharing thoughts with him, which he - though somewhat reluctantly - replied to. Eventually, you'd even gotten him to learn over to you, and as you held his gaze in that moment, it just...came over you.

⇢ Maybe it was the fact that you were having a good day, the sunlight making you feel so alive and full of energy. Or, maybe it simply was the man's captivating presence, making you feel like you were admiring a painting. Regardless of the reason, the urge to learn in had taken over.

''I mean, I guess I just don't understand it,'' you rambled, emphasizing your confusion with your hands, ''Why make everything so much more complicated than it has to be, you know? Artisans can be a really odd bunch.'' You were lying on your back, staring up at the sunny sky as waterfall after waterfall of thoughts fell from your lips, when Moze suddenly leaned over, allowing his arm to rest beside your head. ''You talk too much,'' he huffed expressionlessly, making you fall silent as you dragged your eyes up to meet his gaze. ''Maybe you just don't talk enough,'' you quipped back, your lips twitching in amusement, ''Besides, if it bothered you, you wouldn't have stuck around me this long. We both know that.'' The man just grunted, focusing back on the crowd underneath you, ''Just try to be more quiet. I'm not helping you if we get spotted.'' ''Of course,'' you hummed, not believing a word he was saying, earning you another discontent grunt from him. Your smile just grew at that, eyes still glued to the man standing beside you. ''Just admit it, big guy,'' you teased, slightly tilting your head to get a better look at him, ''You enjoy my company.'' That made Moze turn back again, violet eyes boring into yours as he leaned over once again, making a swarm of butterflies awaken in your stomach, ''Is that so?'' His face was mostly obscured by shadows, hidden by the hood he always wore while you laid in the sun, yet her gentle warmth was entirely forgotten as you held the man's gaze, ''Tell me I'm wrong?'' Moze was quiet, just watching you wordlessly. You couldn't tell what he was thinking, but you realized the longer you stared at him, the less you cared about his answer to your counter. You were too busy getting lost in a daydream, drowning in his eyes, when a sudden urge came over you. What if you just-? Your inner voice didn't even need to finish the question, your body moving on its own as you propped yourself up, not even giving the man any time to react as you pressed your lips against his. Moze seemed to freeze under your touch, unmoving at first, until you felt his hand rest against your chin, tilting your head to deepen the kiss. His patrol all but forgotten, the man's lips began moving against yours until you pulled away to catch your breathe, your heart racing. ''I-'' You wanted to say something, but your mind, despite the hurricane of thoughts tormenting it, couldn't form a coherent sentence, so you just continued staring at him, eyes searching his expression for anything - any sign that this meant something to him. But you never got that answer as the man took a step back, letting go of you, Moze's expression as blank as a canvas. He was still looking at you, watching as your previously cheery expression began to falter, yet he remained quiet as you struggled to find the right words.

⇢ You didn't get any reaction out of Moze that day, nor did you ever calm down enough to actually say something to him in that moment. Eventually, Moze merely continued his patrol, telling you he needed to move to the next location before disappearing without waiting for a reply.

⇢ Since then, you've been...well, on one hand you've been trying to avoid him, but on the other hand, you still hoped you would catch a glimpse of him regardless of where you went. And, while you thought he probably never thought about the moment you shared, Moze felt the exact same way as you.

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[jokeroutsubs]

📝ENG Translation: Elle Men Special: A Fashion Odyssey with Kris Guštin

Article written by Ajda Gregorc, published in the November/December 2024 ELLE Slovenia Magazine. Print and digital versions of the magazine are available for purchase.

Scans and English translation by @kurooscoffee, review by @weolucbasu and a member of JokerOutSubs, proofread by IG GBoleyn123.

Full article translation, scans, and Spotify link are under the cut 👇

🎧 Article available in audio form on Spotify.

Elle Men Special: A Fashion Odyssey with Kris Guštin

With Kris Guštin, the music author and guitarist of Joker Out, we escaped to another side of music, and with that, to his other passion. We talked about style and everything connected to it. There will also be no shortage of this in the band's third album, titled 'Souvenir Pop', which is released on the 15th of November—one week after the issue of Elle you’re holding now. How perfectly synchronised we are!

PHOTOS URŠA PREMIK, STYLING ALENKA BIRK

At Ljubljana’s Moderna Café, on a fresh but lovely autumn Tuesday, when everyone’s still at work or in school, he arrives in a dark green jacket with a checkered pattern, awesome trousers, and her necklace. This time, the menu is not serving music and life, but matcha and "all things fashion." I’m in a regular trench coat and a white T-shirt, but luckily he doesn’t judge people by their style—instead, the style might be what piques his interest to converse, if it's good, of course. Besides, he's the one being interviewed. So, let’s begin! AJDA GREGORC

Interviewer: When did you first discover your personal style or the field of fashion? Was it in childhood or a bit later?

Kris: I roughly divide my life into two periods: before I first held a guitar, and after. When I really got into playing and ventured into music, my world opened up in all areas. Discovering fashion definitely falls into this second period, so the post-high school era. To be completely honest, my style in high school wasn’t something I’m particularly proud of today. (laughs) My girlfriend and I still have a photo of me wearing cargo pants and a black sweater, which is a proof she truly loves me, since that look was far from the best choice. (laughs)

When did it evolve from just a aesthetic impression to self-expression?

My first contact with fashion as a form of art or expression was during our band's first music video or fashion shoot, when I realised that this is also something you need to consider as a musician. At first, it seemed to me like a fairly peripheral element, but as our career developed and we met new people who gave us more insight into this, I began to understand its significance, what I could personally gain from it, and what we as a band could gain. This quickly developed into standard practice. I was increasingly exposed to fashion; we had more and more costume rehearsals and stylings, and two years ago, we even got our first proper stylist. And then I really committed to it—at around nineteen or twenty. Before that, my philosophy was always to "just wear whatever I first find in the closet," but then I shifted to "I'll wear things that would make me stand out from others". But this process was a long one.

So, your style development with the band inspired your personal growth too? I’ve always wondered if a young person is compelled to mature in every area when so many 'big things' happen all at once, as they did for you.

Maybe you do "grow old" in terms of personality sooner. Yes, at first I wanted, and still want, to primarily express the difference or uniqueness that I feel inside myself through music, but then I discovered that this goes very much hand in hand with fashion, so I started looking for my expression there as well. Today, it's almost an equally important part of my day.

Which fashion ideas or directions attract you? You’ve probably encountered a lot of inspiration during your travels on tour, right?

Definitely, but speaking purely origin-wise, I think I’m just like any other rock musician—we draw from the rock aesthetic of the ’60s and ’70s, which was also very "in" when my fashion awareness was born. Back then, around 2016 to 2018, here were a lot of flamboyant shirts on the music scene, with a slight hippie influence, which was the starting point. Only later did I start getting interested in slightly more modern clothes. When I was younger, I found myself in street fashion, that sort of Eminem-esque, hip-hop vibe, so very baggy clothes, which I then began to reject when I made the shift toward the ’60s and a slightly psychedelic aesthetic. It makes perfect sense, as humans tend to jump between extremes. When I had worked through that style, I started discovering the aesthetics of the ’80s and late ’90s, which was also reflected in music at the time. The best example that comes to mind is Dua Lipa’s previous album, which was in the style of the “new ’80s,” and the fashion matched that as well. Today, the early 2000s style has come back, but I haven’t fully decided whether I like it or not. As a musician, I was, of course, initially inspired by other music groups. Arctic Monkeys were a big inspiration for us both musically and visually, as was the whole British rock scene, including bands like The Kooks and Oasis. That entire aesthetic has always been strongly present with us. I doubt there’s a single inspiration board at our shoots that doesn’t include a photo of one of those bands or, for instance, the Beatles. And that aesthetic has always been close to my heart, too.

Rockers have always been associated with more masculine fashion elements, while in recent years, many male musicians have been experimenting with more feminine style elements (for example, Harry Styles and Lenny Kravitz). David Bowie was already the one who back then started to blur these fashion boundaries. You, too, wear such pieces and dare to stand out with them.

It happened quite naturally, as the stylists we worked with always chose slightly more “unmanly” clothing for me. This doesn’t necessarily mean women’s clothing, but rather somewhat more androgynous pieces, which I quickly embraced. I found them interesting and appealing because there’s a lot of fresh expression in that style that I don’t find in traditional men’s clothing, though I don’t want to overdo it. I also started experimenting with them personally, choosing many more varied colours. For a while, I was very fond of pink, and lately, I’ve been playing around with orange. On the cover of the album 'Demoni', I wore an orange-pink sweater.

Are we, as an audience here, already mature enough for a musician to present his feminine side through fashion? Does that require courage?

It does, there will always be people who won’t understand you. But for me, when it comes to the stage or a shoot, I’ll wear anything, and if I feel good in it, I don’t worry about what someone thinks. When I walk around "in civilian clothes," however, especially in Ljubljana, I am still aware if I’m dressed somewhat "untraditionally." There’s a certain boundary that I still need to break within myself. On stage, it’s easier because it’s not necessarily a hundred percent my expression; I’m playing a certain character, but personally, sometimes I do need some courage to show up in a particular style. However, the awareness of being different is stronger in Ljubljana than in other parts of the Western world. For example, I never felt that way in London, but still, our capital isn’t the worst when it comes to this.

Speaking of influences, what about other artistic or cultural movements?

I love art deco, the aesthetics of the '20s and '30s, though it doesn’t influence my daily life. In terms of photography, Damon Baker’s black-and-white style is beautiful. The vintage camera aesthetic has recently won me over, which will also be reflected in our band. Musically, over the past year, I’ve been listening to old Italian chansons and older French music, chansons as well, so I’m clearly feeling very retro this year. (smile)

Will the third album visually stand out from the previous ones then?

Yes, it will be very different. In the last two, we used a lot of colours, but there won’t be as many in this one.

Style can be an excellent tool for expressing an artist's authenticity, but with increasing success, the artist can also become its slave; the line is thin. Do you ever feel the pressure of having to express your fashion style in your private life as well?

No, I’ve never felt like my style owns me; it’s always been the opposite. I’ve always felt like I want more, like I want to dress even better than the day before, especially when it comes to my music career. Perhaps style only hangs over my head a bit when I have no inspiration and would rather wear sweatpants on an ordinary, relaxed day. There’s nothing wrong with that, of course, but then I do think about what would happen if I ended up somewhere in the middle of the city dressed like that.

It seems that Joker Out has developed a distinct style despite outside influences.

Yes, today we are already very complete in our style. Others have definitely had an influence on us, and I think it’s great that each of them tried to express themselves through us – it was interesting to experience how Joker Out was seen by Ponorelli, and how Andraž Drobnič or Karlo Kirri did. Of course, there is a difference in this, but it also aligns with the development of our music and aesthetics, so all these influences are very welcome.

How much of your personal fashion identity is therefore reflected in Joker Out?

Maybe, as someone who is not an external observer, I can't answer that, but I can say that I was always one of the first to give feedback to the stylist when we were creating our outfits, approving moodboards, and so on. So, I have definitely shaped our style in a direction that suits me. On certain "blind stylings," when we just dressed up, I quickly threw something on myself and then helped look for pieces for the other band members.

What about this photoshoot, where Alenka Birk took over the styling? Did you let her take the lead with her tactics, or did you collaborate on fashion choices? How did the communication go?

I didn’t know Alenka, who, by the way, is an excellent stylist, before. She was recommended by Urša (the photographer, ed.). Later, she confided in me that she had also worked with my father. Alenka focuses on elegant men's fashion, which is a departure from this more fluid fashion; and this suited me because I had never really been photographed in a men's suit, jacket, and tie. I wanted to try something new. I hadn’t seen the outfits before the day of the photoshoot when we met in her small studio in the morning. There were nine of them in total, and we only swapped out a piece or two in at most three of the looks.

This is more of an exception than a rule in fashion photoshoots. Does that mean you felt good in them?

Yes. In some more so, obviously, but in others, you have to trust the people you're working with. When I first look in the mirror, I always keep in mind that if something isn't optimal, it doesn't mean it won’t work well on camera. Even if the pants are too short or creased, it's still worth photographing them, because the photo can be edited later, whereas on stage, it's a different story, and everything has to already be perfect in the mirror. Working with Alenka was very simple; we clicked really well, and I will definitely work with her again.

How linked are your confidence and the way you feel on stage with your styling?

Very connected. As a musician, you want to enjoy yourself as much as possible on stage, and the people who come to listen to you and pay for the ticket deserve to see you at your best, which means you have to feel good in every aspect.

You recently attended Ljubljana Fashion Week. Which of the local fashion designers do you like to follow?

As far as the Slovenian fashion scene is concerned, I’m still quite the beginner, so I only knew the designers we had worked with. This was my first time visiting the Fashion Week.

Which shows did you watch?

On the first day, all of them. I didn’t like everything, but what stuck in my mind was Sarivalenci¹ with their somewhat "country club", Lana Del Rey vibe, and golf moment. I also really enjoyed the Belgrade Fashion Week, as there was an obvious Balkan touch, which I would love to see more of in Slovenia.

¹Sarivalenci is a Slovene high fashion brand created by fashion designer Sari Valenci.

You are a fan of vintage clothes and second-hand shops. What do these pieces have for you that new ones don't?

Honestly, I don’t know if there’s an objective explanation why. I started getting into it because it was popular, and at the same time, it gives you the feeling of getting a more unique piece. At the same time, you're shopping sustainably and not contributing to the production of unnecessary new textiles on Earth, which is great, but I would be lying if I said that’s my main motivation. What I like the most is the experience of "flipping" through clothes, where each piece is different, like a treasure hunt, compared to regular stores where you "flip" through the same clothes in different sizes.

Did your mum, who comes from the Netherlands where people have been aware of this for many years, introduce you to this concept?

I wouldn’t say we talked much about it at home, but I literally lived it. This is probably true for Slovenians in general – almost all the clothes I had as a child were from older peers, or I would take something from my dad, too. When I was done with wearing the clothes, my brother would wear them too. Every piece of clothing that came into our house was passed around, which is a great practice, and it’s still like that today. My sister "stole" half of my sweaters, my mum sometimes takes something too, Maks borrows jackets from my dad, which I’ve also done myself. It's like we all share one big closet! (laughs)

So you have influenced each other’s style in your family, or rather, you still do so? Who has otherwise had the most influence on your style in the past, and who does today?

I don’t remember ever looking at my parents as role models in this regard, as I didn’t really think about it back then, but they definitely influenced me, at least subconsciously. When I see how my mom dresses today, I see parallels with my own style, so she probably did influence me, perhaps more than my dad. As for street style, which I mentioned at the beginning, it might have been inherited from my uncle, my aunt’s husband from the Netherlands, who wore loose sweaters and listened to hip hop. My mum also had an uncle from the Indonesian side of the family, whom I never met, but he was very eccentric. Some of his clothes made their way to us over the years, and when I looked at these pieces in the closet, I was fascinated by how they reflected his personality. Asian fashion became a bit closer to me because of this, and I might even explore it someday.

The heart necklace you wear all the time, even today, is from your girlfriend. Do you ever dress your girlfriend or does she dress you?

My girlfriend is very fashion-oriented and has played a big role in my fashion development. She has always encouraged me when I tried new clothes that, at the time, seemed more radical to me. In this way, she partially shaped me. We also really enjoy shopping together. She dresses me more often than I dress her, which means I ask her for opinion. There have also been times when we’ve dressed the same when it comes to basic pieces; we’ve never really styled each other, but there will probably be time for that in the future.

Where do you like to go for vintage pieces in Ljubljana? Did you find any gems while on tour across Europe?

Textile House Vintage Shop is, in my opinion, by far the best in Ljubljana. The next one is Humana on Stritarjeva street, where I find something every now and then. Abroad, we’ve visited many vintage shops in Dublin, Paris, and London. In the latter, I always go to Brick Lane, which is a street with vintage shops in the east side of central London, where the more hipster area starts. The downside is that it quickly becomes quite an expensive experience.

What kind of information can you deduce about a person based on what they’re wearing? Who, in your opinion, is truly well-dressed?

A person’s style is never a reason not to engage in conversation with them, but it is a very strong stimulator of my interest in that person. If I think someone is really well-dressed, I automatically assume they might think similarly to me and be interested in the same artistic, musical, or visual directions, so I’m more eager to talk to them. However, I’ve often met people who didn’t seem interestingly dressed, and later realised they were amazing people, even if they dressed completely casually.

Your audience expresses itself very differently in terms of fashion, as your parents also mentioned in a recent interview for Elle. How do you as a band perceive this?

Yes, what they meant was that it is no longer the case that you have to be "appropriately" dressed for a rock concert. When we observe the audience from the stage, I would say that the most typical thing for our time is that we are no longer genre-bound. Not just musically, but also in terms of fashion. 30 or 40 years ago, you would see people at a rock concert in leather jackets, black shoes, and jeans, and that was it. Today, you have flamboyant outfits with blue and green hair in one corner, gothic style in another, and of course, people in simple t-shirts and pants somewhere in the middle. And no one feels like they don’t belong; everyone sings our songs, and that’s really nice.

- ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~

❗Please do not repost without credit, and if you quote, please link back to this post!

[ridingtorohan]

Armin, Jean, Eren and Mikasa overhearing

their crush saying "why would I tell them that I like them? I can't compete with (Annie/Mikasa/Eren)".

-> Masterlist - Join the taglist! &lt;-

Content Warning: Self-loathing under Armin's section.

Armin's brain completely stutters to a stop the moment he overhears it, his ribs feeling like they might concave at the slightest moment. He's overwhelmed and flustered, unable to look you in the eyes for the days to come, regardless if you knew he overheard or not. Stewing in it comes easy; talking to you about it is another.

Ever since the Scouts reclaimed Shiganshina, he's been plagued with self doubt. With feeling inadequate and so much self loathing that it's hard to put the pieces back together. Talking to Annie wasn't anything important to him- not like you were.

He was visiting Annie's crystal because he felt flawed, a mistake. A part of him ached to be needed, to satisfy that part of him that wanted to justify what they did to her. That thought: if Annie could be salvaged, couldn't he? That he wasn't a monster because of what happened.

With you it was different; he could express his fears and vulnerabilities. No one else had seen this side to him; the drive to be better, who saw him at his lowest and drove him to excel. Annie was an ideal, a ghost that he couldn't chase.

You? You were real. You, who fought alongside him, helped him to his feet, metaphorically and possibly physically. The way you held yourself, interacted with him. How could he not admire you? Like you?

What did he do to make you think this way? That you weren't so utterly important to him?

Armin tends to be more withdrawn with you around since he overheard that comment, trying to find the right words to say. Bravery comes not from the brain, as they say.

"I like you too!" He exclaims one day, red-faced and stumbling over his words as he tries to make them come out. Strategy planning is easy; risking people is a burden he can handle. But risking you?

Armin stampers through a confession that he heard you that day. But he's earnest, heart on his sleeve because it's only ever belonged to you.

"I didn't like her that way at all! I've only liked you, and, if you're - wanting to, we could-" He stammers through his sentences, getting utterly redfaced and earnest as he tries to find the right words to say. Later, it'll be easier when he's not pouring his heart out, but he knows you deserve to know. That maybe he deserves this too.

Him? You like Jean? Those overheard words don't really process through Jean's mind quickly enough as he passes by the room you're in.

It's a lot to unpack, mostly because you didn't want to tell him.

His words simmer in his throat. He thinks he can push this down; smother it like he's done so many other things. A part of him thinks it should die like that - after all, you didn't plan to say anything. Didn't think he was worth it, to share that secret with.

But he lives with regrets - Marco - not shooting -- but also not living up to the life that he wants. That he knows he deserves.

It's sprung on you, later, when the two of you are filling up gas cylinders.

"I'm not in love with Mikasa." They're heavy words met with silence but he means them, eyes downcast as his hands idle. The silence is damning but you're worth it. By the Walls, you've always been worth it. "And I never have been. I liked her before, but." He gives a slight roll of his shoulders, trying to find the right words.

But he isn't a coward and he doesn't want to waste time, especially knowing that you feel the same way. Looking up, his eyes dart from you, to the wall and back again. "You can't compare to her." And, that sounds so much worse when he says it so he grabs tightly onto your arm, forcing your eyes to meet. "Fuck, I mean, you're not competing with her. Alright?"

He makes a sound, torn between a sigh and a groan as he runs his hands through his hair. "I heard what you said, before, about - You're not her, and I don't want you to be. I'd never choose her over you. I love you." It's not quite what he meant to say but the words fall easily, readily. "And dammit, I really wish you'd choose me too."

Mikasa is, unfortunately, standing behind you when those words leave your lips. When you inevitably turn to face her, there's no hint of what she's thinking visible on her face. Her cool eyes never leave you even when one of the captains walk in to deliver another mission.

Outwardly, everything she does seems to come off as a rejection; she doesn't talk to you about it, doesn't treat you differently. If one considers less and less talk as 'not any different'.

Not talking to you though... it feels like a small candle sputtering out - and her hands burn beneath the wax.

She's... not sure how to process any of that at all. She'd always been so concerned with Eren, with Armin and helping them accomplish their lifelong dreams. She never really took a moment to dwell in her own thoughts.

Her thoughts on Eren were chaotic at best; clouded by their game of tug-of-war, always trying to mother him, protect him. Getting shunned for it. She never had to do that with you - not to the same extent, anyway.

Hearing you say those words - "I like her" -- it's putting a name to the face she'd seen in her mind. Like. Affection. A warmth in her chest whenever she saw you, accompanied with a low and simmering trust. How easy it was, for once, to look at someone and have them look right back, and see her for who she is.

She only mentions it, much later, when you're both assigned to a practice mission. Where only time and the sun overhead is your company, forced to wait idle until a new command is issued.

"I want to talk about what you said," is how she begins. "About liking me." Her hands move to her scarf, something raw wedged in her chest that makes her feel so vulnerable with her face bared. Instead, her fingers loosen and it remains still around her neck. She wants you to see her as she is, what she's offering you.

"Eren is... like family to me. I would do anything for him." It's a brutal, almost cold way that she says those words. She means it, and you mean a lot to her, so she doesn't want any confusion.

"But you are not Eren. You are not family to me and I don't want you to be. You're important to me too. I don't want you to see me as your sister or protector." Her grey eyes search yours, searching for any kind of sign. "I like you too."

Eren has the most physical reaction. Shoulders locking, back straightening and all but sprinting as he rushes up to you. "What!" His mouth is running hot and fast, not able to get the words out fast enough.

Eren is a man of action; thinking things through wasn't his strong suit, nor did it ever have to be. But Mikasa? Mikasa!? Out of everyone? The girl who he grew up with, routinely tried to shield him from everything? Frustration rises hot in his throat as he thinks - didn't you know him at all?

How could he ever like Mikasa when there was you? You who defended him, humoured his ideals, cheered him on during his training, didn't see him for the monster he thought he was.

Weaving between cadets, racing as fast as he can to you, he knows he has to put his foot down. He's tired of all the secrets and lies, and he certainly doesn't want any between the two of you. Not when it's something like this.

"I don't like her!" Each word is punctuated loud and fast, trying to squash that idea as quickly as it came. Why did everybody always think that? He's gestulating, trying to get you to look at him, ignoring how your confidants stare at him. "Mikasa is -" His face scrunches up, harsh words on his tongue, resentful but not towards you. You've never treated him as fragile or incapable. How could he ever think of her that way when you filled that spot?

"We're not like that at all!" He adds, promising himself that he'll explain it in a calmer discussion later. "I wanted you!"

[sunglassesmish]

The only way that storyline would have made any sense, not saying it wouldn’t still be iffy and have its issues with how they phrased things and fell into stereotypes, is if this wasn’t the end. If there was some explanation we’d see play out on screen about why Tommy acted the way he did. If we saw Buck deciding that the relationship was worth fighting for.

Like I could totally see a parallel to the lightning strike be a part of that plot to get Buck to really think about what he wants. But alas it’s just a funny dream now. Can always hope they pivot after seeing how much the GA doesn’t like it but not holding out for it unfortunately. There’s always fanfics thankfully.

yeah if there were actual plans to bring him back, i could maybe see this thing working out. god knows they’ve done it before. and i said earlier i hope the viewership goes down following this episode because what an actual fucking whiplash gutpunch this break up was. out of nowhere. and what does it even mean for buck’s character? what’s his next storyline gonna even be aside from processing this breakup and dating other people i guess. like i just. don’t understand

but i don’t think any difference in viewership or backlash against this breakup will make a difference. i wish it would, but all of lou’s comments and oliver’s make it definitely seem final. and not to mention we still have an interview with lou in like 8 hours or something.

[solxamber]

First, I would like to say I love your writing! Especially your Trash Villain Chronicles. Thanks to your first one I've been on a Vil kick. I double-checked the rules before typing so hopeful I'm following them. Okay, here goes:

Vil with a partner who's a bit on the heavier side and insecure about it, especially compared to her model boyfriend. Vil finds out about it and quickly reassures her that she is perfect the way she is, and if she's still insecure, he'll help her with whatever she wants to do. Whether it's losing weight or changing her style, anything to make her feel good about herself. Just Vil helping his love feel as beautiful as he thinks she is

I personally see this with a female reader (Hence why I used she/her) but if you do decide you wanna take a crack at this and use a GN reader, then by all means. If you don't wanna do this request, then feel free to ignore it. Just wanted to try. I hope you have a nice day!

Just the Way You Are || Vil Schoenheit

Vil shows you that you’re perfect as you are, helping you embrace your beauty inside and out.

first of all: thank you so much <3. and thank you for waiting! i made it gn to be more inclusive, and i hope this is what you wanted!

Vil has always found a certain allure in the way you carry yourself—something genuine and warm that shines in a way he rarely sees. But over time, he's noticed the small, telling moments of hesitation.

The way you shy away from reflective surfaces, your reluctance to stand too close to him in photos, the subtle way you pull at your clothes.

He understands insecurity well, but it pains him to see that you’re judging yourself so harshly, especially when he thinks you're so beautiful just as you are.

One day, while sharing lunch, he notices you pushing food around your plate rather than eating. He sets his fork down and gives you a look, his eyes gentle yet discerning. "Darling, are you really going to keep that on the edge of your plate?"

You give a half-hearted smile. "I…just don't want to overdo it," you say, hoping that sounds convincing.

Vil nods thoughtfully, already understanding. He reaches out, covering your hand with his. "If you're feeling uncomfortable about what you eat, would you let me help? Not because I think you need to change, but because I want you to feel at home in your own skin."

You agree, albeit a bit hesitantly, and he instantly takes charge in the way that only Vil can. Crowley’s meager budget often mean you have to settle for low-cost, processed foods, and Vil isn’t about to let that slide.

Over the next week, he starts bringing meals prepared just for you, full of fresh ingredients he’s carefully chosen and even sourced himself.

One afternoon, he surprises you with a gorgeous spread for lunch. It’s a rainbow of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins, arranged as beautifully as any of his fashion editorials.

"Proper food is like proper skincare," he explains as he plates your meal with a flourish. "Only the best for you."

You find yourself looking forward to meals more than you ever thought you would. He teaches you little tricks, too—how to pick satisfying ingredients on a budget, small ways to prepare them to bring out their natural flavors.

Every meal feels like an act of love, a reminder that someone thinks you're worth the care you didn’t always give yourself.

After a couple of weeks, you feel the difference—not just in your energy but in your confidence. Vil notices this too, smiling proudly every time you finish your meals, delighted with the way you’re nourishing yourself.

He never pushes; he’s simply there to support you every step of the way, showing you that your health and happiness matter to him more than anything.

One evening, Vil finds you sighing at your reflection in the mirror, scrutinizing every detail of your outfit. You’re wearing a simple outfit, but you can't help but feel that it doesn't quite fit the way you’d like, especially next to someone as effortlessly poised as Vil.

Sensing your discomfort, Vil walks up beside you and slips an arm around your shoulders.

“You’re beautiful as you are,” he murmurs, resting his chin on your shoulder. “But if you don’t feel it, then let's change that. Why don’t we make a day of it and find you some outfits that help you feel as beautiful as you look to me?”

The next day, Vil takes you shopping, his eye for detail guiding every choice. He’s quick to dismiss outfits that don’t fit right, brushing off any hints of self-consciousness by focusing on each piece’s color, fabric, and shape as though they’re variables in an equation only he understands.

“Fit is everything,” he tells you, holding up a jacket. “It’s about finding clothes that celebrate who you are, not cover it up.”

His enthusiasm is contagious, and as you try on different outfits, you start to see yourself in a new light. Vil’s commentary—sometimes playful, sometimes serious—always steers you toward the right choices, outfits that make you feel vibrant and confident.

At one point, he finds a tailored coat with intricate details on the sleeves, something understated yet regal. “This,” he declares, draping it over your shoulders.

You glance at yourself, surprised at how the cut flatters you, and for the first time, you feel like your outside finally matches the confidence you’re building on the inside.

By the time you leave the store, you’re carrying a few new pieces that you actually feel excited to wear, and Vil’s heart swells every time he sees you trying them out.

His pride in you is palpable, his compliments genuine and warm. "It’s all about loving who you are,” he says, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. “And it’s a privilege to see you start doing just that.”

One night, as the two of you sit together on the dorm balcony, Vil looks at you with such intensity that it catches you off guard. "I hope you’re beginning to see how wonderful you are," he says softly, his hand holding yours. "Not because of anything you’ve done to change, but because you’re worth it. You always were."

You smile, feeling a rush of warmth flood through you as you squeeze his hand back. And as you lean against him, content, you finally start to believe that, maybe, Vil is right.

Masterlist

[vse-kar-vem]

ok so my pet theory about souvenir pop is that bluza & stephanie are both about bojan's relationship with the same character, just at different points in their relationship-- the first song in a moment of passion, and the second in retrospect, with a much more cynical tone. (essay below..)

both songs tell the story of a whirlwind romance, bojan and 'stephanie' becoming instantly taken with each other in a "lightning strike." obvious narritive similarities aside, bojan's past impulsivity and hopeless romanticism shine through in stephanie, as he reminisces that he knew "right from the start." within literally the first 3 lines of bluza, bojan proclaims his devotion to stephanie as his "muse," declaring dramatically "i think i've fallen in love with you." the depth of his emotion ("a stroke or a racing heart") is similarly elaborated on back in stephanie-- it is entirely possible that both occasions of bojan falling head over heels for someone at a gathering in a short amount of time are, in fact, the SAME event.

HERE IS WHERE THE SPECULATION COMES IN. bluza ends, "if the sun rises, i'll be alone," the exact reason for his abandonment left ambiguous. this question is answered in stephanie, as time finally passes-- "the morning came." despite bojan's relentless desperation to stay with stephanie, he is given a reality check, the blunt statement contrasting his emotive laments of the night before. ("the morning" could also be interpreted as the morning after stephanie's friend threw up.. but that's not fun :(.) on that day, she texts him "a photo of a plane"-- a perfect explanation for her absence and bojan's despair in bluza!!!

i believe what bojan so feared in bluza (the growing distance between) dooms their relationship. when they were in the throes of romance, stephanie and bojan "passed kilometers between (them) in a single heartbeat." these metaphorical kilometers materialise into existance by the time of stephanie (song), the titular character now living "about a thousand miles away." there's a sense of irony in that distance, which before had seemed no obstacle (even, in a way, proof of their love) is now a fundamental, bitter fact about stephanie and bojan, their relationship having withered away at least in part due to it.

stephanie ends as bojan repeatedly laments, "love ain't built for people like me." like him, how? one questions. what about him does he believe is so incompatible with the ideas of "love" and "happiness"? while there are hints in stephanie itself, in my opinion, his percieved problem can largely be deciphered in bluza-- "living in yesterday." in both songs, bojan demonstrates a stubborn refusal to look towards the future, to adapt to problems-- and, by proxy, a stubborn refusal to move on from stephanie (or move on in general). in stephanie (song), he copes by drinking away his sorrows. in bluza, while sober, we are offered a more in depth insight into bojan's thought process-- with stephanie, he lived in denial. he pleads desperately, "don't turn the lights on yet," for "just one more moment," completely refusing to engage with the future and what it hold for him and stephanie's relationship. in bluza, bojan deals with changes by simply ignoring what happens after, stephanie's mere departure seeming like a psychological breakup to him. this defeatist attitude after she leaves (more making shit up now) leads to the tragic collapse of their relationship, eventually culminating in stephanie (song), as he keeps "downing drinks to drown tomorrow, and live in yesterday."

ultimately, bluza and stephanie are used to explore the the cycle of bojan's unhealthy coping mechanisms and inability to adapt to change through two different perspectives, then and now. his persisting love for stephanie between the songs acts a through line as we begin to understand his behaviour and thoughts in relation to her.

[puck-luck]

May I please request for 1 of Clubs with Trevor Zegras, my sweet Andy? You already know I had to pick my sweet Trevor

Requested by Miss Brynn (@sweetestdesire) <3 xo hope you enjoy

Warnings: dumbification, choking mentioned, angry Trevor, unprotected p in v, MEAN Trevor, degredation, name-calling, mentions of praise ofc bc i love to mix the two <3 WC: 1,026

When Trevor is angry, he stays angry as long as he can. He’s wont to hold a grudge and to come home stewing, especially after a game where he lost or where he felt he didn’t perform well enough. Fortunately, after so much time spent together, and very compatible sexual habits, you know exactly how to react to his bad moods.

It was a surprise the first time it happened– Trevor had been close to coming, his hips pumping into yours at an unreal and unrelenting pace. His hand was squeezing your throat in the way you’d always loved and begged for. You were lightheaded, eyes rolling back just a bit, and Trevor was taken with the look on your face. 

“Fuck,” he cursed. “You like it when I fuck you stupid, baby?” 

And God, you do. You love it when Trevor gets rough and takes control, barking out orders and then doing it himself when your mind takes just a little too long to process what’s going on. After the first time he mentioned it, it became a regular trope in your escapades: Trevor doing everything he can to render your head empty, then gloating about it. 

Which is how you got here today. Trevor got into a few verbal spats with a guy on the other team, which eventually culminated in a brawl in the third period that left Trevor’s feathers ruffled. He came home stewing, mumbling about this guy who had it personally out for him from the get-go and he doesn’t know why. You were in the crowd at the game, so you saw something similar and you didn’t know why either, until one of your more hockey-friendly friends texted you and said that Trevor’s enemy had played for the Ducks one upon a time. You didn’t know if they ever overlapped– and it turned out that their careers didn’t. So the anger and resentment didn’t make much sense to you, even at the end of the night. 

What did make sense to you was that you were in for a long night. You shouldn’t have felt as excited as you did. You shouldn’t feel as excited as you do.

You’re in the midst of it now. Trevor has you bent over the kitchen counter– you couldn’t even make it to the bedroom. He’s fucking into you from behind and the skin of your behind is warm from the number of times that Trevor’s palm has made contact with it. His slaps are harsh and mean, even. He knows your boundaries, so he’s not pushing past them. His frustration has always been welcome in this way– while his cock is inside you, or when it’s about to be. 

“Put your leg up,” Trevor commands. 

You’re already on your tiptoes, trying to find leverage against the counter. Your mind is delaying like you’re listening to a different language that you don’t quite understand. After a minute, you lift your leg and try to hook it along the counter. The surface is slippery, so your leg falls and you have to try again. 

Trevor helps, just a tad. His strong hand goes to the back of your thigh, pressing your leg into the hard edge of the marble. There’s no give and it’s digging into your skin, likely leaving a mark, but you don’t care. The new angle has your vision turning spotty from pleasure.

“Pathetic,” Trevor spits out, although the insult sounds much more like praise in your deluded mind. “Look at you. You can’t even do what I ask without help.”

You moan his name wantonly, acknowledging his words with the sound. 

It’s too quick of a response for Trevor– he hasn’t rendered you dumb enough. He wants your mind to lag for even longer, so he delivers another smack to the globes of your ass before bringing his hand to the back of your head. He pushes your head until your cheek is flush against the cool tile, the sensations competing in your mind and confusing you further. All the while, Trevor is working his hips faster and harder. His cock plunges into your heat with lewd noises and brutal meetings of your g-spot and his tip. 

“Shut up,” Trevor growls. “The only thing I want to hear out of you are screams, baby. I’m going to fuck every last thought out of this pretty little head. I’m going to make you come so hard that you can’t even fucking speak.”

He pushes your head once more before pulling back and securing his hold on your waist, able to keep you in place to better meet his thrusts. He bends at the waist enough for his lips to meet the curve of your shoulder. He kisses in a moment of sweetness before he mouths over your skin, scraping his teeth along and biting down as you try to push yourself up and lean into his touch. He’s going to leave a mark, and better yet, you want him to.

“Fucking cock-dumb,” he mutters after he unclenches his jaw. He lathers his tongue over the bite, then stands so that he can use his whole force to fuck into you. You’re close and he shows no signs of stopping. 

You know that even when you come, he’ll keep going until you’re releasing over him again and again. It’s lucky– you’re able to clean the tile floor much faster than your bedsheets. In fact, just when you think you’re done, Trevor will probably fuck you senseless again, on your hands and knees on the kitchen floor. But that’s all still to come– for now, there’s a sting in your shoulder and burning heat across your ass. There are still some words floating around in your brain, but they slowly, slowly, slowly evaporate into atomic-sized particles. There was something here, once… before Trevor started fucking you. It’s hard to remember what. You’re all consumed by the boy behind you, with his biting words and lethal thrusts. It’s only once he’s said that you’re good, his good girl, that you understand that you’ve come underneath him for the first time and soon, you will again.

[logosbot-tm-fics]

Hellooooooo Grumbo Nation! I wrote a fanfic based on "I'm all the friend that you need." You can either read it here or over on ao3, fic below the cut!

Satisfaction Feels Like A Distant Memory

Mumbo had never really been the jealous type. He had never been bothered by his friends having other friends, and he'd never felt as if he needed attention.

If that was because he didn't think he deserved the attention, or if it was because he'd never viewed himself as all that important, didn't matter. He just had never needed attention.

And then he got to know Grian, and suddenly, he got flooded with attention and appreciation. As if he was incredibly important. As if the world revolved around him.

It had made his chest warm, something comforting and cozy making its home within his heart.

The hermits had always cared for him, and they'd always supported him, but this? This was different.

As if he'd found something to make his soul whole, even though it had never been broken.

And Grian kept giving him attention. Kept showing up to talk to him. Kept telling him that he loved him. Kept making things about Mumbo. Even when they didn't need to be at all.

Mumbo never fully knew what to do in return, but Grian also never asked for anything. He just seemed to be completely content with showering Mumbo with affection, even if the other Hermit ended up a blushing awkward mess, Grian didn't seem to mind.

At least Mumbo was convinced he hadn't minded.

He might've been wrong.

He'd first noticed it on the Hermitcraft server.

After he'd been away for a while, taking a much needed break, he'd returned. Grian had behaved the way he normally did, and Mumbo let his mind relax when he realized that nothing had really changed.

Their relationship was the way it always had been, and Mumbo assumed it would continue to be.

Then things changed. Little by little. Slowly, Grian became less affectionate, slowly he began prioritizing other people, and slowly they saw each other less and less.

Mumbo had never been a jealous person, but now the jealousy was brewing in his stomach, filling his head with a dripping black poison. He hadn't been a jealous person, but now he was.

And as time passed, it started to make Mumbo really, really annoyed.

First, he just tried to get Grian's attention, in Secret Life he tried to talk to him as often as he could. Something that was made easier by the fact that Grian would occasionally show up to check out his base.

But before Mumbo could ask Grian if he'd like to join the mounders, Grian had suddenly joined Cleo and Etho instead.

Mumbo almost broke his pickaxe in two when he found out.

Then Mumbo had ended up as his butler for the session. Mumbo hoped it would mean that they'd get an opportunity to hang out more. Due to the nature of the game, and due to Grian being the way he was, Grian had still managed to stay away.

Eventually Mumbo made one small mistake, and was out of the series before he even fully processed what happened.

A small part of him was quite pleased with how horrified Grian had sounded when Mumbo drowned in the lava.

Despite how close they previously had been, and despite the fact Grian and Mumbo were now on a team in Wild Life, Mumbo's jealousy just got worse.

One session– it turned into pure paranoia– and he was certain that Grian would leave him and Skizz.

He ended up accusing Grian of lying to the and of going behind their backs. Yet, it turned out that that was all in Mumbo's head. Grian hadn't betrayed them, he hadn't started some secret project on his own. He had in reality just done what he'd said.

Which did calm Mumbo's paranoia, but not the jealousy. Yes, now he was sure that Grian would suddenly leave, but he still didn't like it when Grian talked to other people.

It ticked him off, and it ticked him off a lot.

Inevitably the jealousy brewed over when Grian got stuck talking to a group of people.

"Sorry that I have other friends, Mumbo!" Grian yelled, and the poison flooded into Mumbo's veins. It made his body fill with an ugly emotion, one that ended up settling in his chest. An urge to keep Grian away from everyone else. An urge to keep Grian to himself.

"I don't like that." He said through gritted teeth, following Grian as he kept walking. Not even looking back at Mumbo to see if he was following.

And he didn't like it.

Wasn't he enough? Wasn't Mumbo enough for Grian? He certainly used to be, so why wasn't he anymore? He was supposed to be all the friend Grian needed, when had that changed?

"I don't like that one bit. I'm all the friend you need." Mumbo said finally, and he pretended to not notice the glance Grian gave him. He couldn't be bothered to figure out what it meant.

He just wanted Grian to himself.

Somehow, that meant that for the rest of the session, Mumbo kept telling Grian that should just kick Skizz off the team.

He wanted it to just be the two of them. Alone. Only them.

When the snails finally disappeared, the horror of the week over, Mumbo found himself sitting awake in the middle of the night, Grian and Skizz sleeping soundly nearby.

He wasn't supposed to be up. Sure, there were reds on the server, but there was no need to keep watch. The end of each week was always peaceful as if to give the players a moment to charge up a bit, or to maybe lull them into a false sense of safety before hell broke out again.

Despite the peaceful night, Mumbo couldn't sleep. He was stuck staring at the starry night outside, the moon almost glowing like a lamp.

He couldn't stop thinking. No matter what he tried, his mind didn't shut off.

He couldn't stop thinking about how badly he wanted to have all of Grian's attention. How badly he wanted things to return to the way it always had been.

That ugly jealousy had now made its home in Mumbo, replacing the warm fuzzy feeling he had felt in the past.

Where had he misstepped? He'd behaved the way he normally did, and yet Grian's attention had shifted to other things.

No wonder he'd snapped earlier that week. He just wanted to return to being the center of Grian's universe.

He glanced over at the sleeping Grian. He was lying between Mumbo and Skizz, slightly closer to Mumbo. He looked younger when he was asleep, less stressed and significantly more relaxed. As if his worries all vanished when he fell asleep.

Mumbo couldn't stop staring. He wanted to pull him into his arms and run his fingers through the soft looking hair.

Grian must've noticed that Mumbo was staring, and sleepily opened his eyes. He sat up and stretched a bit, his shirt riding up just a tiny bit, revealing the skin of his stomach.

Mumbo quickly looked away, trying to cover up how much he'd been staring. Not that Grian hadn't already noticed. He definitely had, but Mumbo didn't want to acknowledge that, and instead just looked at the sky outside.

He heard Grian yawn, followed by the noise of him shuffling closer. “Can't sleep?” Grian asked, now sitting right next to Mumbo.

Mumbo shook his head in response. “No.” He replied, truthfully. He had tried to, but quickly gave up when his thoughts became too loud.

“That's alright. This session was rather stressful, even for me.” Grian said, and leaned his head against Mumbo's shoulder.

Mumbo suddenly became very aware of how loudly his own heart was beating, how he wanted to melt into Grian's touch. Just having Grian close felt reliving, the jealousy fading a bit. “That's not…that's not why I'm awake.” Mumbo confessed silently.

“It isn't?” Grian asked, his arm wrapping around Mumbo's, their hands becoming intertwined.

Mumbo looked at him, and now he could clearly see what he'd ignored earlier. Concern. Grian's eyes were filled with worry and concern, something he rarely showed. It was the same thing that had shown on his face when he had glanced at Mumbo. “No.” Mumbo replied, letting himself take in the view of Grian's face. He looked rather adorable in his sleepy state, and he couldn't help but feel a bit guilty that he had made the other concerned. “My thoughts are just a tad bit too loud, I fear.” He sighed.

Grian's brows furrowed. “I can give you some space if you'd like, if that would help.”

Before he could stop himself, Mumbo's hold on Grian's hand got stronger, as he was now gripping onto it instead. He didn’t want him to leave him alone. He wanted him there. Right next to him. He wanted him to remain close. “Please don't.” He whispered, voice cracking slightly at the fragility of the words. “Could you stay?”

And in a brief second, relief took the place of the concern in Grian's expression, his eyes softening. He smiled slightly at Mumbo. “Of course.”

He spoke with the same reverence his voice had had in the past. The same softness. The same care.

Mumbo had to actively fight against himself to not wrap his arms around him, to not hold onto him in the way a snake holds onto its prey. “Thank you.” He replied instead.

Grian let go of Mumbo's hand, and instead laid down again, this time with his head in Mumbo's lap.

Almost as soon as he'd laid down, Mumbo's hand began to card his fingers through Grian's hair. It was just as soft as it appeared.

“Would you like to talk about it?” Grian asked, looking up at Mumbo.

Mumbo shook his head. “I'd rather not.” He replied. “Not tonight at least.”

Grian yawned, obviously still tired, and nodded. “Alright. You can tell me whenever you feel like it, I'm here for you if you need me.”

Mumbo's chest filled with the warmth it had lacked for so many months, the very same fuzzy feeling he was almost sure had been completely replaced by jealousy.

He suddenly found himself smiling softly at Grian, feeling a fondness that was almost overwhelming. “Thanks, bud.”

Grian chuckled. “Anytime.”

The cave turned quiet again, as Mumbo kept playing with Grian's hair. Soon enough, Grian's quiet snores filled the silence, falling asleep with his head in Mumbo's lap.

Despite the beautiful view of the sky outside, Mumbo couldn't look away from Grian.

He wanted nothing more than to just continue looking at him.

And as he sat there, he slowly realized that it wasn't just that he wanted to be the center of Grian's universe. He wanted more. He wanted to wake up next to him, wanted to hold his hand and follow him to the end of the universe.

He hadn't realized it before, but his world revolved around Grian. To Mumbo, Grian was the center. The sun around which the planets orbited around. Mumbo the moon, constantly trying to soak up any of the sunshine that Grian would give him.

He loved him. That's what the fuzzy feeling was. That's why he'd been so jealous.

He sat in silence, wondering if Grian felt the same. If that's why Grian had behaved the way he did in the past, and if he'd given up when Mumbo didn't seem to reciprocate.

How foolish of Mumbo. If he'd just played along a bit more, if he had given Grian just a bit more attention, maybe he wouldn't be feeling the jealousy he felt.

Maybe they'd be together.

But he didn't want to ask Grian now. It felt rude to wake him up, when he had fallen asleep again. He wanted to know though. He wanted to know if he was right.

Sighing, Mumbo carefully placed Grian on the ground, and laid down next to him, deciding to try to fall asleep again.

And maybe Grian hadn't been sleeping so deeply, because he opened his eyes again, though this time, he appeared significantly less awake than earlier.

Mumbo froze, unsure of what to do.

Then Grian sighed, and stretched out an arm, gesturing for him to move closer. “Come on, get over here.” He said.

And Mumbo did.

Grian immediately pressed himself closer to Mumbo, as Mumbo carefully wrapped his arms around him. “Maybe you're right, you know?” Grian whispered.

“What do you mean?” Mumbo asked, as he felt himself become tired.

Grian smiled at him, slightly mischievously. “Maybe you are all the friend that I need.” He said, sounding very pleased.

“I-” Mumbo didn't get a chance to reply though, as Grian quickly fell back asleep.

Eventually Mumbo fell asleep too, and for the first time in a long while, he slept very well.

[bullet-prooflove]

Check In: Leroy Jethro Gibbs x Reader

Tagging: @kmc1989 @riley-kore @ilovemark1951 @love-affair-with-fandoms @mishkatelwarriorgoddess

Companion piece to:

The Ice Queen - Gibbs meets The Ice Queen for the first time.

Break The Ice - A act of decency helps Gibbs to break the ice.

Umbrella - Gibbs gets more than he bargained for when he offers you his umbrella.

Grave - You and Gibbs bump into each other in an unexpected place.

Safe - You and Gibbs work through your grief in different wa

After the pager message the night before Gibbs makes the point of seeking you out the next day. He tries to be covert about it, pretending he’s picking up some files for Franks but you see through it the instant he steps into your workspace.

“I’m fine Gibbs.” You state as you continue to write down your notes on the clipboard clasped between your hands. The autopsy you’ve recently completed has been tidied away but the instruments are there, glistening in the light, waiting to be cleaned.

His cursory overview of you indicates that you are fine after last night’s activities. There’s no bruises that he can see, no change to your affect. The tension in your shoulders is now absent, your mood improved. He might be concerned about the method in which you defuse your frustration but he can’t refute it.

“I just wanted to make sure.” He tells you, his palm rubbing over the nape of his neck. “You’re one of the few people I’d count as a friend-”

“And it wouldn’t do if I’d ended up murdered by one of the men I’d taken home.” You remark, your gaze flickering up to meet his. “You don’t have to worry about me.”

What he’s come to understand during the time the two of you have spent together is that no one has worried about you for a long time, not since your sister died. Your parents are long gone, killed an accident during medical school and your friends had drifted away after Violet’s death because they didn’t understand your grief, the emotions that come with it.

“But I do.” He tells you, maintaining eye contact. “And that doesn’t stop when I go home at night.”

You look away then, hugging the clipboard to your chest as if it were a barrier between the two of you. You don’t let people get close, you don’t let them care for you. It’s a lonely existence, one that he understands acutely.

“I don’t need that from you.” You tell him.

And he reads the message loud and clear. You don’t need that from anyone. It’s a defensive response because things are changing in your life, the Thursday night catch ups, the walking you home, his concern about your safety, you aren’t used to those things. So you react like this, with cynicism because you’ve been taught that everything comes with an ulterior motive.

“I know you don’t need it.” He tells you, tucking his hands into the pockets of his jacket. “But it’s kind of a prerequisite when you care about somebody, when you spend time with them, tell them your secrets.”

You don’t know how to process that, he can tell from the way your grip tightens on the clipboard. He understands that he’s being too much right now, that this is overwhelming for you so he retreats because the last thing he wants is to make you feel uncomfortable.

“Look I just wanted to check in on you.” He says quietly. “That’s all and now that I can see you’re ok, I’ll just go about my day, completing paperwork and ignoring the printer.”

He turns towards the door, pausing as he hears his name leave your lips like a sigh.

“Jethro…” You say and he tilts his head towards you with an inquiring look. “Maybe we make that a thing, me paging you after I take someone home.”

He knows that you’re thinking about what happened to your sister. The type of crime, the horror of it. She did everything right and she still ended up brutalised. With your risk taking behaviour, the odds of something similar or worse happening to you increase exponentially. He understands that right now, that’s not something you can stop and he would never ask you to but you can put measures in place, fail safes as it were.

“Call, page, carrier pigeon, whatever it is I don’t care.” He says finally. “Just know if you need me I’m there, anytime, day or night.”

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Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

[hbyrde36]

Oookay...

So, I'm still struggling with The Thing™

Not only processing the outcome of the election, but reevaluating my faith in humanity, not to mention the 51% of my fellow Americans who I gave FAR too much credit to thinking they'd do the right thing.

But the world spins on, even if (as a friend said to me today) it feels like it should all come to screeching halt so we can get a bereavement period, and now, a few days on, I want to try and get back to the stuff that brings me joy, like writing.

You know the drill. Send me an ask with the name of a fic and I'll write and share 3 sentences. Make help me write 💜

Midsummer Nights

- Summer camp fic (ch 3)

Fuggi Regal Fantasima

- Ghost Eddie fic (ch 2)

Caught In The Undertow

- Depressed Eddie (ch 7)

Forever After 💫

- Follow-up to It's Only Forever (formerly secret one-shot)

From Fuggi Regal Fantasima Ch 2:

Before he could bring himself to try a second time, the phone started to ring. Eddie prayed it was Robin calling to check in. Even knowing it was futile, he reached for the handset, stomping his feet angrily when his fingers touched nothing but air.   Goddamnit! Think, Munson, think!  What had been different last night when he’d managed to touch Steve for almost a full minute?  Well, he’d been annoyed at first, then a little turned on if he was honest. Obviously his concern for Steve’s well-being had taken center stage once he’d gotten a look at how badly hurt he still was, but wounded or not a shirtless Steve Harrington was a fucking sight to see. Eddie would challenge anyone—gay, straight, or otherwise—to stand in his presence and be unaffected. But surely horny ghost magic could not possibly be a thing. No, he’d been worried. Like, really fucking worried. The same way he felt moments ago when he couldn’t get Steve to wake. He hadn’t thought about it, he’d just acted.

No pressure tags 💜 @penny00dreadful @pearynice @steddiecameraroll @devondespresso @dreamwatch

@griefabyss69 @eriquin @sourw0lfs @thefreakandthehair @sidekick-hero

[serpenttailedangel]

The gist, as I understand it:

There are uncounted ballots Not actually a scandal. The number of uncounted ballots is not high enough in any of the states they're spread across to have any statistically significant chance of flipping a state such that the election outcome will change. Even if that did happen, the official electoral vote will go to the correct person once they are fully counted. Any media calls in the meantime are not official outcomes but rather highly confident guesses. These ballots are still being counted and will be fully counted before anyone is sworn into office. (Even if they don't swing the presidential election, they also address state and local issues, after all.)

The drop in total votes compared to 2020 is proof of suppressed votes I don't disagree that it's suspicious, but probably for a different reason than the main group beating this drum. In any case, there have historically been drops in voter turnout between presidential elections in the past and the voter turnout this year is reasonably between the turnout from 2016 and 2020, so it's not inherently suspicious that fewer people voted. The number difference in and of itself means nothing.

People had their mail-in ballots challenged This is incredibly normal. I had my own challenged during a year in which we weren't electing a president. The way mail ballots are confirmed to come from a real person on the voter roll is by checking the signature on the envelope against a voter's signature on file. If your signature changes too much or you just happen to sign too differently from normal one time, you can have your vote challenged because election offices aren't sure it's legitimate. This is fairly common for younger voters in particular since many people don't fully develop their personal signature until after they first registered to vote.

This is what ballot curing is for and why it's generally a good idea to get a mail ballot sent in before election day, although most places allow curing for a day or two post-election. (Mailing the ballot back early is also generally a good idea to ensure it arrives on time, since not every state will accept ballots in the mail after election day.) If you provide proof of ID and an updated signature, the election office can match the new signature against your ballot and count it properly. If you're in an area where mail voting is big then there's likely even political outreach groups that will help try to get ballots cured. If you don't have groups in that area and you mailed in a ballot, you really should check every election to make sure your ballot was received and accepted.

The challenges to these ballots were mostly in swing states This was a forewarned situation. Aside from the fact some of those states expressed that they would relax signature check protocols in 2020 to accommodate how their residents weren't as used to mail-in ballots (which would mean a delay in residents having their changed signatures flagged) there were legal challenges since 2020 to force the swing states to review voter rolls to remove inactive voters who might have moved or died, to require they enforce their signature matching, and even a challenge on election day to force them to accept election observers. (In PA, IIRC.)

The argument could be made that this increased the difficulty level for people to vote by requiring they re-register (if they had been inactive voters previously) or by forcing them to file a new signature, but it was all within the law and, technically, aimed at forcing the upholding of the process rather than subverting it. By legal standards it was not cheating, and the bulk of the legal challenges were organized by a legal activism group and not the Trump campaign.

There were bomb threats called in to polling places, particularly in swing states This one is a very real and actual issue, and is currently being investigated. What comes of it remains to be seen. Regardless of what impact it had on the election, people should not be prevented from voting by such tactics. Polls were closed later than normal in the affected counties to compensate for their having to temporarily evacuate, so voters should not have failed to cast their ballot due to lack of time in which the polls were open. The estimated impact on voter turnout due to the threats is low, but it is still likely that at least a few people did not vote due to not having any time to do so outside of the window where the evacuations occurred, and that's a tragedy. The bomb threats were traced to Russia, but it's unknown if they originated from there or if someone routed their signal through Russian servers first.

There were ballot drop boxes set on fire Also awful. This happened in the Portland area specifically and destroyed a few hundred ballots. It was far enough out from the election that voters checking to confirm their ballots were received would have had time to request a new ballot and notice was put out to locals that if they dropped a ballot in such and such box X many hours before the fire, they needed to request a new ballot, but it's very likely that some if not most of those ballots were not re-cast. The votes might have slightly nudged the popular vote outcome but swung no states. Washington and Oregon both went for Harris. The arsonist left Free Gaza/Palestine messages at the scene of the crime but it's unknown why he thought ballot tampering was the way to go with that message.

i honestly don’t know if all this “trump cheated the election was fraud” is true or not cause it kind of sounds like the same thing trump did in 2020.

[thesugarhole]

i wanna talk about pilots disabilities but idk how to word it properly and also i don't feel like i have all the info just yet