#this is why I (usually) don't let myself post things until I've finished them

[hermitknut]

how do I have so many writing projects and yet I cannot finish the one that's been sat half-posted for over a year I am going to s c r e a m

[fairlyang]

Easy money I 🕷️

in which your roomie needs your help for a shoot

w/c: 3.1K

pairing: pornstaroomie!miguel x f!reader

tags: 18+ smut. tension, recording, groping, fingering, squirting

notes: all my readers loved this series and might’ve been peer pressured for a part 3 but I’m kinda excited to write it :D gonna post this rn and maybe part 2 tmrw, finish up all my part 3’s soon hopefully

part two

I heard a knock on my door so I lowered my music from my airpods. "Come in!" I yell and turn to look at my laptop.

I hear the door open and Miguel clears his throat, I turn around to look at him and raise an eyebrow, "what's up?"

"I need something from you...." He says and takes a step inside.

"Like what?" I ask and he takes another step forward.

"You're gonna have to hear me out alright?" He says and I narrow my eyes at him.

"Okay..." I say and take my airpods off leaving them on my desk before turning back to look at him, giving him my full attention.

"I need you to step in for tonight's shoot..." he says and I burst out laughing.

"Are you fucking joking?" I say and shake my head. Is this man serious?

"I need your help Y/n..." he says nearing the edge of my bed and I groan.

"Why me?"

"The girl I was gonna shoot with canceled on me last minute and all the girls I usually shoot with are unavailable." He explains and I blink.

"Andddd you are already here...." He adds and i scoff.

"Not really sure I'd wanna expose myself like that Miguel." I say and stand up, walking over to my bed and plop down on it.

He sighs and sits on the edge of it and looks at me with pleading eyes. "Please? For me?"

"And the camera would hide your face, so unless you have any noticeable tattoos on your lower body then I think you'd be in the clear." He says and I bite my lip. Well there lies the problem...

I blink looking at him in silence making him scoff as he widens his eyes slightly then his lips tug into a smirk. "Where do you have it?" he asks and I feel my face heat up.

"Uh that one spot that's like lower, inner hip..." I say quietly and turn my gaze to my window.

There was really no reason for me to be acting like this- but that tattoo wasn't exactly somewhere that most people in my life know.... So maybe... just maybe...

"No face?" I ask and he nods.

"You know I don't even show my face-" he says with a small smile.

"I know but I don't know if it's different for the girls you record with." I say and shrug.

"It depends on them mainly, I'm not gonna force anyone I work with to show their face if they don't want to." He says softly and I nod slowly.

"And you wanna do this like right now?" I ask and he nods again.

"Jesus-" I mutter and run a hand over my hair.

"Up to you but you know I have a lot of loyal subscribers and make decent money off this..." he says and I chuckle.

"Because the girls love your voice and body." I say and he smirks making me regret my choice of words. And queue to him being obnoxious about it...

"I-"

"Think so huh?" he teases in a cocky tone making me groan.

"Fuck off." I say and grab a random stuffed animal from my bed and throw it at his face.

He laughs and holds it, it was so small compared to his hands. Oh god-

I mean of fucking course I've noticed how fine he is- it was the first thing I noticed when I was interviewing people to be my roommate, he was the hottest man that came in needing a place to stay.

I didn't just decide on him because he was hot but because he seemed chill and not like someone that would murder me in my sleep.

But I never made a move on him, neither did he. We've just always had some type of tension that neither of us ever paid attention to... I guess until now..

"So what exactly did you plan to shoot?" I ask and let out a sigh.

He grins and scoots closer now sitting by my legs as they were stretched out. "I was thinking fingering."

I nod and bite my lip, "hmm.."

"Up to you I won't force you but just think of the fact that you'd be getting paid to get fingered." He says and I snicker.

Sounds like easy money...

And I'd get an orgasm out of it...

"50% of whatever the video makes will go to you." He says and I bite my lip.

"You're really laying it on thick there Miguel... you that desperate?" I tease and he playfully rolls his eyes.

"Yeah actually, so just let me know within the next hour before I just decide to do a solo vid." He says and stands up.

I sigh and nod, "I'll... think about it...." He smirks and gives me a wink before opening the door and walking out, closing it behind him.

I sigh and lay down on my bed, should I?

I mean there's no denying the fact that I always listen in when he has someone over to record... or even checked out a few of his videos on pornhub...

maybe even possibly masturbated to a few of his audios... or the ones where he fucks himself with a fleshlight...

Letting out those incredible moans for everyone's very own pleasure, how selfless.

But he wanted to record for onlyfans which was for the ones who specifically pay to view his content, which apparently was a lot and the thought alone was a little nerve wrecking.

What if someone I've been with before recognized my tattoo and tells people I know? I'd be fucking done for and I'd just die on the spot of pure embarrassment.

But the money- how could I say no to that kind of money? Especially when seeing the views just his previews on pornhub get-

I'd be so fucking stupid to pass this opportunity...

Fuck it.

I get up from my bed and walk to my door quickly opening it before stepping out onto the hallway. I then do the walk of shame and walk to Miguel's room.

I made my mind up a little too fast god I'm not gonna hear the end of this from him-

I step in front of his door and knock twice before hearing a laugh. I groan and cross my arms across my chest, patiently waiting for him.

He opens the door with a wide smile but before I could even say a word my eyes trailed down his chest then to his abdomen. A small happy trail going down caught my eye as a pair of grey sweatpants hugged his hips perfectly.

God he looked so good...

Wait- how the fuck did he change so fast?

"Did you just assume I was going to say yes?" I ask, quickly looking up at him.

He shrugs and opens his door wide, motioning for me to step inside. I roll my eyes but walk in nonetheless, seeing that he was indeed very desperate for this. And apparently eager.

"I knew it'd be something hard for you to say no to." He says and shrugs, closing the door behind him.

"And I had an idea for more anonymity..." he says and walks past me.

He walks over to his desk and picks up two masks, robber masks. "We could put these on." He says and throws me a pink one.

I catch it and look down at it, cute.

"Just casually had these huh?" I mutter and play with it between my fingertips.

It only had three holes, obviously for the eyes and mouth. It honestly didn't shock me too much that he had these especially considering he didn't make content showing his face at all.

"Alright ready?"

"Where are we doing this? Should I change? Should I put makeup on-"

"Calm down-" he says and laughs, shaking his head at my sudden worries.

"We're doing this in my bathroom, I already set the camera and lights up." He explains and I nod.

"As for your clothes if you want I can give you one of my shirts and you can just leave your panties on." He says looking me up and down.

I wearing a SZA shirt with Cookie Monster pajama pants.... Yeah I definitely could've changed but maybe got a tiny bit excited..

He walked over to his dresser and picked the first one of top and then tossed it over to me. I caught it and unfold it to reveal a Nirvana tee. I shrug and walk over to his bathroom with him right on my tail.

I walk in then stop and quickly turn around to point a finger at him, "you're waiting- you can wait a few more minutes there O'Hara." He chuckles and backs up letting me close the door.

I quickly take off my tee shirt and put the one he gave me on. I leave my shirt on the sink then I slip out of my pj pants and realize it wasn't a big deal if he watched because he was going to see it all right now anyway.....

I look in the mirror and take a deep breath, I was really going to do this.... We were really going to do this...

I then take notice of the ring light and tripod that were right in front me. This was getting so real so fast and it was making me more nervous than I expected.

I breathe in then breathe out. I do it a couple more times and feel some nerves leave my body but some still lingering around.

I turn around and walk towards the door, I open it wide and Miguel stands up from his bed and walks over. "Finally." He teased and I chuckle.

"My bad." I mutter, turning back around and walk to the sink, leaning against it as Miguel walks in.

"You're good, don't worry it'll be fine." He reassured and gives me a small smile.

He walks over to his tripod and sets his phone on it and goes to the camera. He turns to me and motions for me to stand in front of the camera. I nod and do so, leaning against the seat with my nerves growing every second.

"Alright we're gonna start, if you need me to stop at any given moment just tap my thigh or anywhere twice okay?" He says and I nod.

"Audibly please?" He says and I chuckle.

"Yes I understand."

"Okay good." He says and throws me the pink robber mask.

I move all my hair to my back then slip it on. I fix the holes to align to my mouth and eyes then see Miguel doing the same. "This'll be fun." He mutters with a slight smirk on his face then he presses the button to record.

He walks over to me and gently puts his hands on my cheeks then leans in. I lean up and he leans down removing the last amount of space between us and crashes his lips onto mine. I kiss back and put a hand to his jaw and the other on his neck.

I then feel his hands slide down my body, at first staying at my waist, gripping my skin softly through the shirt until his hands go lower and his fingertips are playing with the hem of his shirt, near my ass.

He slid his tongue in my mouth and continues toying w his shirt, bringing it up slowly as our tongues fight for dominance but I stood no chance. Suddenly I feel a hard smack against my ass making me moan in his mouth.

He smiles and pulls away just to go down and start leaving open mouthed kisses on my neck. I sigh and tilt my head to the side as he slightly moves the mask to leave a mark where he wanted. He sucked on my skin then licked it softly before leaving a kiss on it.

I smile and grab his head, making sure he stayed in place as he kept playing with the skirt. He pulls away again and this time bringing the hem of the shirt up, slowly. He turns me around slowly so my behind is what the camera will see and lifts the shirt completely over my ass.

Another smack.

Then to the other cheek.

Another smack on each one, definitely already making them red and it seemed like he wanted to keep going because of the noises that were leaving his mouth. Such delicious groans.

He keeps pulling it up, exposing my entire bare back to the camera but my tits to him. He quickly brings it up and over my head, throwing it on the floor then quickly cups my tits and squeezes.

I gasp when he pinches both nipples then quickly turns me around so my ass was on his already hard bulge. His hands continue squeezing and I felt purely at bliss, heaven on earth even.

I lay my head back against his chest which makes him lean down and leave a kiss on my neck then suck gently on the skin as his hands continued kneading my tits.

His right hand then lets go of my boob and slowly trails down my stomach, as if easing me in, making me feel comfortable first. I grab on to his left arm and try to stand still, I already felt like I was going to go crazy and maybe fall over.

My fucking roommate was doing this- and he had such a good hand for these things so this was gonna be perfect.

His hand goes between my legs, gently rubbing my pussy through my panties. I spread my legs to help him out when he starts rubbing circles on my clit. I moan and buck my hips forward, already wanting more.

And he gives me just that, he starts going faster and I could feel my wetness seeping through the fabric of my little panties. "Miguel-"

He hums then rubs along my slit, my arousal already able to soak his fingers. How embarrassing.

He then removed his fingers making me whine until he pulls my panties down and lets them slide off my legs. I step out of them and kick them farther out, out of shot.

I spread my legs again and he doesn't hesitate to immediately start rubbing my clit again, not caring to ease me in anymore. He moans into my ear and dips his fingers on to my folds, my wetness enveloping them as he teases my hole making me grip harder onto his arm.

He moved that arm to grip on to my waist while I still held on to it for dear life. I couldn't trust myself to stand I knew I'd just end up falling and he was a big boy, he could handle me.

He then slid a finger in, slow at first until he slammed it in without warning. I gasped and clung on to his arm. He then started pumping in and out, deep and slow.

He started going faster, hitting deeper now until he fully stopped and added a second finger in. He started moving again, going faster and harder, making me a moaning mess as I looked down to watch in awe.

"Look how easy you're taking me baby." He murmurs in my ear and I couldn't help the whimper that came out of me.

"Feels so good-" I moan and he hums, pumping them even faster.

I felt myself clench against his fingers and listen to how fucking soaked I am, he barely even touched me..

"Rub your clit for me." He whispers and I nod, immediately bringing my right hand down to rub my clit in fast circles.

I moan out for him and he coos dirty little nothings into my ear as he starts curling his fingers up and hitting that sweet spot every time.

I was starting to feel my orgasm creep in already which had me shocked but then realized who was the one doing this to me...

"Fuck- Miguel-" I moan and lay my head back against him, he leans down to kiss my cheek oh so sweetly.

He then brings his open hand and starts pinching my left nipple, I felt my legs shake as he continued and I was slowly down because I was feeling so fucking close.

"Don't stop baby, be a good girl and keep rubbing that clit until you cum for me sweet girl." He murmurs and I whimper, clenching against his fingers as I rub my clit faster feeling that knot in my stomach about to burst.

"Miguel please- so cl-"

I dig my nails into his arms making him groan but he didn't say to stop. I felt my eyes growing hazier by the second and my thighs were trembling more and more by the second.

Suddenly I see white, I cry out and feel my climax crash and take over my body. I closed my eyes and almost fell to my knees, had Miguel strong arm not held me. My legs were trembling and Miguel's fingers were still inside, slowly fucking me through my orgasm.

I held onto him for dear life and start to calm my breathing down as I open my eyes, then quickly widening in pure shock, I had squirted all over the place.

I gasp and move my hand away from my clit, I stood silent, still in Miguel's arms in pure embarrassment. Squirting always felt so embarrassing, especially now because I didn't even mean to-

"That was probably the most perfect shoot I've done thus far." Miguel says making me scoff.

"I'm being so serious." He says finally taking his fingers out of me slowly and brings it up to his lips.

I tilt my head and look up, watching as he sucks on his fingers covered in my juices. Holy fuck.

I blink watching him as if in a trance, then he looks me directly in my eyes making me subconsciously squeeze my thighs together.

He takes them out with a plop and gives me a wide grin, "sorry but we have to do that again in the future...."

I laugh and look down embarrassed, I shrug and straighten up, "I guess we'll have to see if the people liked it..."

"I'm sure they will." He says and laughs.

"Let's get ya cleaned up then maybe we can watch a movie, if you'd like." He suggests and I look up at him and nod.

"That'd be perfect."

[velvet-games]

I finally finished the piece for @prince-liest's OC, Tzafael! this really reminded me of how fun character design is (and also that I've completely forgotten how to make digital art, but that's besides the point...) <3

credit to @hogbogglerspirits for the umbrella design! I kind of butchered it so please look at the original and throw lots of love at them

LOTS of notes, draft sketches, brainstorming, etc. below the cut. enjoy!

(note: a lot of what I'm talking about is based on posts prince made under their #tzafael tag, so take a look at those if you haven't yet!)

thanks for joining me below the cut! here's the sketch without the colors as a treat (in case you want to color it yourself or something, idk).

notes about making the digital drawing:

holy shit this took me forever -- I was not kidding about forgetting how to make digital art lmao. I forgot how much less forgiving digital lines are and genuinely lost the spoons to even attempt lineart, hence just a sketch below the colors.

some of you might've seen the original sketch I sent to prince, which the digital version diverges from just a little. it's mostly the halo which I'll explain later, and I finally caved and drew the sixth eye (you can tell I drew and erased it multiple times in the sketch lmao -- still don't know if I prefer it with or without)

here's the original color ref by the lovely @gendermeh! my color scheme ended up looking really different, so some notes about that:

I was looking at references for magpies like this

and I wanted to basically follow that color scheme while also being somewhat similar to the original -- dark head/shoulders --> dark top of the jacket, bright blue wings --> bright blue bottom of the jacket, greenish tailfeathers --> green pants, hints of purple --> purplish sleeve and pant ends

I also tried (and mostly failed, let's be real) to capture the iridescence of the feathers -- they look like oil spilled on the pavement or iridescent hematite to me! I think the key ended up being adding bright greens/purples and roughly blending them into the blues or vice versa but I didn't really figure that out until I got to the pants lol.

I'm gonna be honest; I don't remember why I went with this shape for the tailcoat. I just remember being unhappy with the sketch and then trying a bunch of different shapes that mostly looked worse lol -- I think I landed on this because a split tail kind of looks like wings?

KEPT the shoes -- absolutely magnifique. I wish I knew how to color gold better.

added lots of jewelry! they like shiny things :)

ALSO PLEASE LOOK AND APPLAUD ME. I FINALLY REMEMBERED TO LABEL MY LAYERS!! NO I DON'T REMEMBER WHY THE HALO HAS ITS OWN LAYER.

alright, time for some more design notes/explanations + draft sketches!

but first, a couple disclaimers:

I want to make it very clear that I LOVE everything about the original design. I made a lot of changes based on personal preference/the way I interpreted the character. I was actually planning on making a digital piece that was more faithful to the original design too, but I was just out of spoons for it cause of life stuff.

you probably shouldn't try to read the notes I made in the sketches I'm about to show you unless I say otherwise. most of it is incoherent brain vomit in illegible artist handwriting and I'll transcribe/explain the stuff I think is important :) (the stuff in quotes are direct transcriptions of my notes)

I know my sketches are very messy lol. I only draw for fun, so I usually don't force myself to make stuff any neater than necessary unless it's supposed to be a formal piece. try to bear with me.

1:

my first few sketches of them! (I think?) this was before I sent prince a laundry list of questions so I was still trying to get a vibe

"magpie -- beak lips?" -- you'll see this in a few sketches; I considered giving them the lipstick design that velvette has since it looks like a beak. I still kind of think it's cute, but 1) I'm pretty sure velvette is the only character that has them, so I didn't want to make it seem like they were related somehow and 2) I thought it might be distracting with how much other crazy stuff I ended up including in their head/face

also, sidenote since it's relevant to what I said about vel: something I realized was important is how one character's design relates to the designs of the rest of the cast. I wasn't sure how much I should've gone for what looked good in a vacuum, how much should be based on what other characters looked like canonically, or what other characters would look like if I also designed them. it ended up being mostly the second option, but it was honestly still a struggle. should I take away some of the tumblr-sexyman-ness (no shade to tumblr sexymen; I love them) because there are other characters that already have it? should I relate their design to sera's and emily's in the show or should I think about how I would've designed sera and emily? should I follow some of the design philosophy of the original show and just throw stuff on there because it looks cool (the answer is yes btw)? decisions, decisions ...

I don't think this showed up really well in most of the drawings, but they actually have a black line down their nose! let's take a look at sera:

since they're siblings, I wanted to include some similar facial markings. the nose line ended up being the only thing I kept though -- I was going to include freckles, but I have a compulsive need to give every character giant bottom lashes so there ended up being no room T.T I like that the magpie's hints of purple kind of match hers tho!

the wingification of the hair begins! I was still unsure of it at this point, but it was an idea I had since I was kind of struggling with how straight the feathers were in the original.

"maybe the ones on their head count as wings (so only one main pair)" -- I originally just had the 2 pairs of wings on their head, so I was thinking of just giving them 1 pair on their back so there would be still be 6 total. also this middle drawing of them is meant to be their exorcist outfit (I wanted it to be a cross between what the other exorcists wear and sera's outfit)

at this stage, I was thinking of giving them more magpie-like characteristics, so I looked at some references and tried to emulate them in a more human design. this ended up being really awkward so I scrapped it, but I still like the idea that their exorcist mask looks like a bird (kind of like a plague doctor's)

2:

peekaboo! I love the idea of them using the wing hair to cover their eyes lol. (ended up using that idea for my own seraph OC since that's their biblically accurate purpose: to cover their eyes/faces in reverence/humility -- doesn't really fit with tzafael tho lol, so they show their face most of the time)

an eyeball in the bowtie -- pretty self-explanatory. the eyeball motif is important.

the one in the middle is just me practicing drawing the original design, and the one on the right is another exorcist outfit I think. I wanted to include the diamond motif/points that sera has on her dress (the diamonds on the bottom turn into eyeballs, which is why the final design also has eyeballs on tzafael's sleeves/pants)

3:

lots of notes on the side based on what prince said in response to my ask

"localized omniscience (power of sight) -- cool + ironic that their sight was supposed to serve God but made them see Heaven for what it really is instead"

another exorcist outfit, this time including the feathers

I was also experimenting with the halo; I was trying to make it look sort of like sera's crown, but that didn't feel right ...

some practice with eyes -- my style is pretty flexible with eye shapes, so I try to make them suit the character. I drew lute's eye and also an actual magpie's as references -- lute's because of the exorcist background and also because they looked appropriately sharp, magpie's for obvious reasons. once again, my compulsive need for giant bottom lashes strikes

there was honestly a lot to balance with the eyes -- I wanted them to look condescending/bored (lowered top lid) but also amused (raised bottom lid) and like a magpie (round) but also harsh/mischievous (sharp, maybe slit pupils like a snake) and similar to sera's (but not too decorated -- also does it make sense for them to look like sera's if emily's don't even look like sera's?)

considered having wings on the shoulders -- the magpie pattern is super cool, so it would've been nice to have that somewhere more explicitly in the design. I still think that might fit in an outfit they would wear in heaven (maybe for formal occasions)

the introduction of the sweatervest! honestly I kind of love this for the way it captures more of the preppy, spoiled old-money upper-class vibe some heaven residents have, but it was scrapped since I couldn't imagine them wearing that while trying to scare the denizens of hell. maybe something they wear casually though.

"yes nictating membrane (on every eye!)" -- AHH I'm so sad I didn't end up putting this to use. I just feel like the whole effect is based on actually seeing them blink, and I don't animate lol.

4:

ugh, the nefarious laughter one ... don't worry I tried harder on a sketch later on lol.

"like the diamonds on Sera + Em" + "diamonds turn into eyes?" -- I draw the diamonds on the sweatervest turning into eyes later.

tried an actual bow instead of a bowtie -- very cute but didn't fit the vibe.

a skirt! I think they would wear a skirt sometimes.

5:

"FUCK ASS BOB" -- asghdk the wingification of the hair continues. unfortunately, I'm realizing at this point that the silhouette of the hair is starting to look a lot like alastor's. I gave a very half-hearted attempt at mitigating this, but it goes back to the thing of how much I am obligated to the original show's designs and what looks cool to me -- I think the wing hair fits them and I didn't want to change it because of alastor, plus my alastor design actually has completely different hair anyway. I did add a third pair to the back to look like a ponytail though.

introduction of the scarf! I was actually going to include this in the final design but uh,,, I forgor. are you starting to see a pattern.

the reason for the scarf is that the "tzafael going to places they know they'll draw attention/can incite chaos" reminded me of that scene in avengers where loki walks into a fancy building looking pretentious af and just casually stabs a guy's eye out. not really the same thing but I felt like the vibe matched. hence, loki's funny little scarf fit.

6:

uaoughdfjh it was SO FUN to draw the wing hair, and it was at this point that I realized they had to stay even though I wasn't sure if it was too different from the original.

gossiping with rosie cause that's the first person I thought of -- tzafael also summoned a pearl necklace to clutch because of the sheer drama of it all (your ex-husband did what??)

also started drawing the rings on their hands. magpie like shiny.

7:

lots of notes cause I was trying to compile the things I still needed to think about/incorporate into the final (I thought this was gonna be the last draft ... haha)

trying to include more bird/eye motifs

"fish ... purse?" -- ha! I forgot I was gonna give them a fish purse. I think I drew that in a later sketch, but not them wearing it.

"picked up Hellish traits bc of extended stay -- existential crisis?" -- I asked prince about the sharp teeth, and their answer implied that they became sharp as they stayed in hell longer, which got me thinking ... I feel like that's actually a great body horror concept. lucifer falling and looking like a normal angel at first, eventually waking up to more and more devilish features and feeling more and more like he's lost his home and his past self ... spooky.

another exorcist outfit -- I actually really like the eyes on the ribs! I never made a final draft for the exorcist uniform, but it would probably look close to what I drew here.

the one on the bottom was meant to be similar to the feathered shoulder pad idea, but this time with the whole magpie (with giant eyes). tried putting the "freckles" (really just dots in this case) over their brows, but that ended up looking kinda weird.

the eye is pretty close to the final design

the one on the right was supposed to be the full final design, but I was totally off lol -- the long trench coat really doesn't give off the right vibe at all

8:

playing around more with the loki vibes of the scarf, also added an eyeball to the chest

I never got happy with the design of the back of the coat -- I think it should probably just be blank at this point. but the sketch here is meant to look like wings/tailfeathers.

yet another exorcist outfit, this time with more magpie motifs. I actually like this one a lot, but I probably should've added the eyes on the ribs from the last sketch. I think I also considered giving them actual tailfeathers at this point.

9:

thanks for sticking with me! I promise we're almost done. have a trans dinosaur I saw while I was travelling as a treat <3

10:

this is after I finished the sketch for the final piece and realized I didn't like the halo design. I drew lute's, sera's, em's, and adam's as refs. (honestly I love the show's idea that each person/people of each rank have a different kind of halo -- I wonder if they can switch them out?)

my main inspiration ended up being the exorcist halo, but I made it look more like an eyeball -- since it always points toward heaven, we can say it's always "looking" at heaven.

(also sera's feather lashes! they're so cute)

11:

EVEN MORE EXORCIST DOODLES

12:

tzafael shooing away my fox demon OC

13:

these are actually sketches for my own seraph OC (raguel), but I wanted to include it since it has even more wing/feather hair variations. I also think the idea of the eyelashes being feather-like could've been cool for tzafael.

14:

some more OG design doodles

tzafael and raguel together because self-indulgence is the name of the game babey (also wanted to draw tzafael freaked out with their wings flared)

(raguel's blind btw, hence asking for eyes -- tzafael has so many!)

you can probably read the dialogue here so give it a shot. I believe in you.

15:

you know what? the fish purse deserves some doodles

16:

putting them in Situations! I was reading over prince's posts again and I realized there were some funny things I could draw them doing/saying

again you can probably read the words here

angel dust also loves fish (but is apparently bad at taking care of them, hence the suffocating blobfish), so tzafael shows him their aquarium (complete with live fish and flora ofc)

I thought alastor was 8 ft but apparently he's 7.3 ft? so tzafael is enjoying the .2 ft they have on him

trying and failing again to come up with a design for the back of the jacket lol

THE crowley quote

apparently the halo still sends signals from the exorcists -- thought their reaction to the battle at the hotel would be funny

the nefarious laughter (take 2) that I promised -- based on a doodle of alastor viv did that I found

them being sad and curling up in a pile of shiny things like a dragon

OKAY I'M DONE. huge, huge thank you to prince for sharing their OC! this was a lot of fun and clearly inspired me a lot haha. please check out their writing; it's literally so good that I can't read anything else these days. I am chewing on their thoughts constantly.

this was an absolute monster of a post, so if you're still reading, I am both impressed and bewildered at your patience. I hope you enjoyed! (I certainly did!)

[gremlin-writes-angst]

"Lets get food"

The (short, less than 1k) beginning of my brother's best friend fanfic featuring Ash x Darlin

Currently unsure of what the whole fic rating will be but for this chapter id say it pretty safe.

content and trigger warnings: mention of vampire feeding, low energy, mentions of sleeping around.

I'd like to thank everyone who liked my original post about this idea. I had started writing a ( completely different) first chapter but wasn't feeling inspired till people started liking that post

a special thanks to @professionallyyappin and @dawnofiight . Thank you for rebloging my idea and just helping me feel motivated

Sorry for any grammar and spelling mistakes and enjoy :)

'Let's get food'

A seemingly normal text message 

That was the point,  so if anyone, more specifically David, saw it, he wouldn't think twice about it 

But what it meant was 

“ I need a ride after sleeping with a stranger”

Darlin didn't drive anymore, not after Gabe

And there was no way they were going to let David know how many people they slept with

Originally they would just walk home, in the dark sketchy parts of town

Until Asher saw them one day

“Darlin?”

He called out at the hooded figure

They ignored him

“ Darlin, I know that's you.”

They didn't know why he called them that, he was the only one

“What Asher?”

They turned to face Asher, his car stopping in the middle of the road.

Darlin looked around and as usual, no other cars were on the street

“ What are you doing out here? I don't know if you've checked the time recently but, it's not walking around time.”

He smiled at them

“I'm just- yeah”

They didn't want to admit the truth.

They couldn't let him tell David

“That's not a very good answer”

He laughed before leaning over and opening the passenger door from inside

“ get in, I'll take you where you need to be”

He offered but didn't demand,  like most of the men Darlin knew.

“ I'm- “

They take a moment to breathe,  feeling woozy From the blood loss

“ I'm all good Ashy”

He barked out a laugh

“ If you're calling me Ashy, you're not good.”

They couldn't argue.

So they climbed in, defending their self

“ This is just easier, I could handle myself”

Their sparky sentence was shorter than it typically would be. 

Another sign something was wrong

“ I know, but you don't seem at your full strength. And like you said, this is easier”

After a while he realized they weren't going to buckle their seat, so he leaned over to do so.

They simply rolled their eyes

Asher started to drive

Darlin Didn't say anything for a long time

he even though they might have dozed off.

Until they gasped and pointed

“Wendy's. Ashy we have to get Wendy's!”

They called him Ashy again,  he's starting to like it

Silently he pulls into the parking lot and parks

“ They have a drive through”

Darlin states 

“Darlin, If you're trying to hide what I think you're hiding from David, we're going to need more time.”

A vague sentence but Darlin caught on

“ lobby it is”

Darlin had a new pep in their step as they entered and started the order.

Once Darlin was done, Asher added his burger along with the same thing they ordered.

Before Darlin could get their wallet Asher had already Paid

It was a little disorienting, Darlin always paid, not because they preferred but simply because they knew the other wouldn't

They were too confused to even say thank you.

They found a table, amongst the sea of empty tables

Before Asher sat down their order was called, so he went to get it.

Setting the food down before going to fill up their drinks

When he returned, Darlin had already started to wolf down their burger

No pun intended

They didn't say a word as they reached for their drink, taking a swig before going back for a big bite

Asher just smiled to himself

When Darlin finished their burger they spoke

“ How'd you know what drink I wanted”

He jokingly rolled his eyes at the Question

“ I've known you for like, 8 years now. If I didn't know what drink you preferred I wouldn't be a good friend”

They started stealing fries from Ashers' plates, even though they still had their own heaping pile

With fries in their mouth, they said

“ I didn't know you considered us friends”

The sentence made Asher feel cold 

He prides himself on being a good friend to almost everyone. 

Darlin quickly caught on to Asher's negative reaction and tried to reverse it.

“ Not that you were bad or anything but I just thought you were David's friend,  and I was just an extension of David”

Darlin's words didn't seem to cheer Asher up, but he still smiled And pretended it was fine

“ Well I see you as your person, even if you are related to David, you are not just His little sibling to me”

Darlin felt chills at that

Good chills

Probably their first time getting good chills

They didn't realize that was important to them

But they couldn't let Asher know that

“I'm only 4 months younger Than him”

Asher takes a bite of his food before, with His mouth full, continuing the conversation

“I wasn't talking age, he's At least a foot taller Than you”

Darlin laughed and rolled their eyes.

They then pointed to the extra burger

“ Can I?”

Others would probably not find that short sentence charming,  but Asher did. 

At least in perspective 

Darlin was actively stealing Asher's fries but when It came to the burger they asked.

And when they asked, their voice was shy and sweet. 

Asher liked every part of Darlin', but it was a side the soft sweet side one they hid away, so it was like a treat for Asher

“ I got it for you. So yeah”

Darlins' energy seemed to dip again, not severely but Asher noticed it. 

He decides to hold back his thoughts for the day.

Darlin finished Their food and they left

The rest of the night was uneventful As he drove them home

He messaged them that night

'I know you can take care of yourself, but you don't have to'

After he sent it he felt vulnerable, so he tried to soften it

'We can get food to'

Low and behold a couple of days later he got a text

'Let's get food'

Followed By an address 

Darlin was letting Asher into a part of Their life.

A part only he was allowed

[tgmsunmontue]

Hangster Meet-cute I guess - this was meant to be a short ficlet I started on my phone, but then I needed to distract myself so... here. Have 2k, dialogue heavy with Jake having three sisters who do the opposite of cock-block him. (Rated Mature but I guess I am also writing a second very explicit sequel which already has over 2k).

I can't post it on AO3 until I finish a couple of other fandom WIPs because I have a very real fear of being hunted down by friends in that fandom. They're terrifying. And have been waiting ~10 years. So hiding in Tumblr for now.

---------------------------------------

               His eyes track the attractive bare-chested server across the room. He looks older than most of the others, actually nearer Jake's age, perhaps a little older. He's clearly comfortable in his own skin, laughing and joking with the other servers and patrons alike. Jake doesn't usually like facial hair on his partners, but he'd let it slide for a taste of that...

               "Do you think I can order him?" Jake asks, and he knows it's going to wind up every single person sitting at the table with him.

               "Don't even think about it!" Katie hisses, giving him a sharp elbow in the ribs and Laura is glaring at him from across the table. He can see the lecture shaping on the tip of her tongue about not making servers uncomfortable in their place of work. Even in a place where the servers are mostly bare-chested men. But it's his sister's 40th birthday, and apparently Bird on a Wire is the place to go. So here he is. About to be hen-pecked by his three sisters. Ivy is just laughing though, nodding her approval and he reaches across the table for a fist-bump.

               "I won't. I promise. But I can't promise to not think about it. Appreciating the place was why I was allowed to come along, right?"

               "You were allowed to come because you promised to behave."

               "I promised no such thing," Jake replies, and the same server he was watching before is approaching them and Jake licks his lips, because the view is only improving.

               "Evening everyone, sorry for the delay. We're a little understaffed tonight so I'm just here to take drink orders. That's all I'm trusted with front of house," he says, and his little self-depreciating smile has Jake's lips twitching in response.

               "And back of house?" Jake asks.

               "Back of house I'm in charge baby."

               Jake's eyebrows shoot up and he grins, a little laugh escapes, god, he can't believe he's sitting at a table with all of his sisters while a guy makes eyes at him. He's pretty sure eyes are being made. He's a little out of practice. But he's not dead.

               "So, what can I get for you all? Are you celebrating something special?"

               "It's her birthday. A significant number that I can't mention upon pain of death."

               Ivy smiles sweet-sharp and he gets kicked in the shin regardless.

               "I'll have a Blueberry Margarita, she's having a Strawberry Sour..." Ivy starts, pausing to look expectantly at Katie.

               "I'll have the Coconut Daiquiri thanks."

               "And for you?"

               Jake quickly runs his eyes down the menu and stops at the first one... A Little Passion.

               "A Little Passion."

               "Sure thing. One of all my favorites coming right up."

               "I hope the drinks are better than your flirting, I feel like I need to hose you two off..." Ivy says looking between them and Jake frowns at her, but he notes that the server (he didn't introduce himself, and Jake wishes he had a name already) just looks quietly amused.

               "I've never had any complaints. And I don't get paid to flirt with customers. I actually get paid to cook. And occasionally make cocktails."

               Jake realises that's what he had meant about being in charge back of house and he's always had a thing for... competence. Well, he's got a thing for good-looking guys, them being good at something generally means they're dedicated lovers and it's not steered him wrong (much) in the past.

               "Rooster! They need you in the kitchen."

               "And duty calls..."

               Jake watches Rooster (and what the fuck kind of name is that?) tip an imaginary hat at them before he leaves to walk towards the bar where he talks to a woman and gestures toward their table. Then he's shrugging on a black chef's jacket with brightly coloured cuffs and front panel and buttoning it closed. Shame. Then he's giving a little salute to Jake and fucking winking as he disappears into the kitchen and Jake is pretty sure his cheeks are going to hurt from grinning so much.

               "Could you stop looking like you want to climb him like a tree? Please?"

               "Ain't no other way I can look at him... and you told me I couldn't flirt with him."

               "Was that you not flirting?"

               "You're just jealous."

               "Last time we take you anywhere..."

               "We say that every time, and yet we always bring him..."

               "I'm a fucking delight. Plus you all bond over finding me annoying, don't pretend you don't. Imagine your relationship with each other if you didn't have me for you to direct your annoyance towards..."

               "Why do you think they call him Rooster?" Katie asks and Jake's train of thought derails completely.

               "I think you just broke his brain."

               "Brain cell you mean."

               "I thought Javy had custody this weekend?"

               "Fuck off..." Jake mumbles, ignoring them. Who needs fucking enemies when you have sisters?

               "You definitely want to fuck something."

               Jake groans but also can't say anything, definitely can't disagree because she's not wrong, they'll just roast him further. He glances back toward the bar and there are two people there now, both mixing drinks but clearly having a conversation. One is the same woman from before, one of the few women who work here, the other is an older man, fully clothed, and Jake's not sure but he looks familiar. They almost seem to be arguing and then she's pulling at his shirt and shaking a finger before leaving him behind the bar, laughing at him as she walks toward them with a tray of drinks.

               "Evening everyone. My name is Phoenix. I have a Blueberry Margarita, Strawberry Sour, Coconut Daiquiri and A Little Passion?"

               "The margarita is for me, sour for her," Ivy states. "Daiquiri for her and the drink drowning in innuendo is for him..."

               "You got a name handsome?" Phoenix asks, placing the drinks down in the right places but giving him a look that tells him he's being assessed and maybe even found wanting. It's not a familiar feeling at all and he instantly feels a little defensive.

               "His name is Jake."

               "I can speak for myself..." Jake grumbles, taking a sip of his drink, and fuck that's good. Lychee sweetness off-set with the tang of passionfruit and lime meaning there's no trace of vodka at all.

               "And you're all... sisters?"

               "Unfortunately," Jake says, and the flat look he gets from Phoenix has Laura cackling madly which makes Phoenix smirk in amusement. A little. At least she seems to like someone.

               "Have you been sent out to dig up information?" Laura asks, and she's fucking gleeful and Jake doesn't know what he wants the answer to be. Busies himself looking at the menu and wondering what Rooster would recommend.

               "Well, it was me or Rooster's dad and I thought I'd be the slightly less embarrassing option."

               Jake's eyes flick to the man behind the bar and realizes now why he looks familiar. They've even got the same fucking moustache. He catches Jake looking and nods his head, raises a glass in a toast and Jake flushes, coming back to the conversation and startles to hear Laura giving Phoenix his entire dating history. Jesus.

               "Could we maybe be allowed to just ask each other out? Pretty sure we're adults and don't need to have a playdate organised."

               "So, you are going to ask him out?"

               "If it's not an asshole move to do it when it's his place of work..." Jake mutters, giving Laura a side-eye but she just takes a sip of her drink and pulls a face at him.

               "Oh, it's a little bit of an asshole move, but he can take care of himself. I just wanted to make sure you weren't too much of an asshole. And you've got three sisters being pretty decent wingmen, so you can't be too bad."

               "Hear that, you have us to thank."

               He's never going to hear the end of this, regardless of the outcome, so he might as well try for a variety on a good one so he has a minimum of regrets.

               "Are you ready to order? Or would you like me to come back?"

               "Oh, I want you to come back solely for the entertainment value, but I'm ready to order. I was ready before we got here."

               "Great!"

               Jake lets his sisters order first and then opens his mouth to place his own but Phoenix is snapping the cover over the tablet and shaking her head.

               "You have any allergies of food intolerances handsome?"

               "No..." Jake says slowly, realization dawning.

               "Great, then I'm just going to let you trust the chef..."

               "Not a fan of shellfish," he offers quickly, before she walks away, and she nods and gives him a quick grin, it reminds him of a shark.

               "This is the best birthday ever..." Ivy says, looking incredibly entertained.

               "Glad I could be of service," Jake says, rolling his eyes.

---

               The food is fucking amazing, even if he doesn't know exactly what he's putting in his mouth. He recognizes some things, he's done fine dining before, even if it's never been in a place where the wait-staff were semi-undressed. His sisters have all picked stuff off his plate despite his best efforts to guard his food; Ivy making him swear to try and get the recipe for whatever the hell he was served as his entree.

               His sisters pass on dessert but agree to share a cheese plate and he waits for something to come out just for him and is disappointed when nothing appears. Then someone does appear, and for a second he thinks it's Rooster however...

               "Hi, I'm Goose. Rooster's dad..."

               What the actual fuck. Does no-one have normal names?

               "Does everyone have bird names?"

               "Only the important people," Phoenix states, and she's grabbing Goose's arm and attempting to pull him away, but the older man just grins madly, easily resisting being moved. "He's going to kill you, leave them alone."

               "I ain't bothering them. I'm not bothering you am I?"

               "Oh no, this is the best," Laura says, popping a slice of cheese in her mouth.

               "Baby Goose hasn't flirted with anyone in years -" Goose starts, and then Rooster is behind him, eyes flashing with annoyance and hmm if that look doesn't give Jake a little thrill. He's not wearing his chef coat, and nor is he shirtless, but he's wearing a tight enough tank to show off his, well, his everything, and then a loose button down clearly pulled on in haste because it's inside-out.

               "Dad! For... god. I don't flirt with customers because I don't normally see any."

               "And you also suck at flirting," Phoenix interjects.

               "He's doing fine..." Jake says and Rooster catches his eye and grins slowly, eyebrows quirking, tongue poking out just enough to tease and Jake grins back.

               "They deserve each other..." Ivy says dryly, and Jake looks to her, confused.

               "What?"

               "We might as well all be invisible. Rooster's lucky the backup got here to save his distracted ass..." Phoenix says.

               "Hey! I'm not even meant to be working tonight."

               "Bet you're glad you did though..." Goose says and Jake's glad that Rooster looks as exasperated with his family as Jake is with his... actually, on that note.

               "Happy birthday Ivy, I believe it's Laura's turn to pick up the tab so I will see you all later. Uh."

               He stops then, suddenly unsure of what his next action should be, but then Rooster is stepping away from his father, making a follow me gesture with his head and Jake follows willingly.

               "Hi again..."

               "Hi."

               "Did you enjoy everything?"

               "I sure did."

               "That's what I like to hear..."

               "So, you come here often?" Jake asks and then cringes, mortified, because what the actual fuck is he thinking? The man works here. Phoenix had snorted as she walked past with Goose, shaking her head and giving him that same unimpressed look, although maybe she looked a little fonder. Hard to get a read.

               "Only every day of my life... I live upstairs."

               Jake's mouth goes dry at his suggestive tone and he swallows instinctively to try and wet it and Rooster's eyes flick between his lips and eyes and Jake's breath catches.

               "I really want to take you on a date though... but what I really need is a shower."

               Jake can see he’s hot, sweaty and slightly oil covered from working in the kitchen and it does nothing but make him feel equally hot.

               "Not on my behalf you don’t…" He'd just want to make him all hot and sweaty again. Yeah. Totally normal reaction.

               “Hmm. Good to know," Rooster says, and Jake is pretty sure his thoughts are easily readable on his face. "Did you want dessert?"

               "I don’t know. What’s on offer?" He matches the tone Rooster had used when he'd mentioned living upstairs and the slow smile he gets has his stomach flipping in anticipation.

               "Phoenix, I’m out," Rooster states, reaching to knock his knuckles on the bar top twice before grabbing Jake’s hand and tugging him toward the exit.

PART TWO

[sutekh94]

Hoooh boy do I have some thoughts about Cohost shutting down.

I've been working on this post for a few days, letting thoughts simmer enough to be presentable enough, so… here goes something!

Yeah, I'm sad about that. Not surprised that it happened, but still sad. Cohost had a good philosophy behind it, wanting to build a social media platform without much of the usual trappings, and I appreciate all the work its creators, Anti-Software Software Club, put in to make that philosophy real. And it was real, if only for a couple of years. I'm so glad my art found an audience there, even getting a few lovely comments. I feel bad for everyone who set up shop there who now has to scramble towards other platforms to host their stuff on. I can understand why some people decided they were finished with social media after the site announced they were gonna shut down at the end of 2024.

I really wish Cohost succeeded as a social media platform.

And I will miss it.

All that said… (here come the controversial takes)

I don't hold much sympathy for its staff and ASSC. It really felt like they had no business sense nor did they want to have any business sense. That showed especially in how unprofessional some of their financial updates - and lack thereof on occasion - were. Casually saying "oops I forgot to do the update for X month" despite further funding for the site hinging on regular posting of said updates, acting all "we're your friends!!!" at times, and so on. Then there were things like the eggbux debacle, ASSC thinking they were gonna turn Cohost into a Patreon competitor without having the knowledge or resources to do that, Stripe policies aside. I'm aware that was one of ASSC's original goals for the platform, but still. I gotta factor in some of the monumental moderation fails the platform's had, including the Nazi incident. Their policies regarding generative "AI" - seriously, not blanket banning generative "AI" was asking for trouble. Oh, and an aura of negativity and toxic positivity that pervaded the place partially because of that inadequate moderation, and partially because that's what Cohost's culture was like to an extent. Still, my Discord server has more moderators than Cohost ever had - three, myself included, compared to one. That's comparing a platform with about 130 users (I'd say 12-15 of them are active and posting on the server) as of the time I'm writing this against a platform with over 25,000 users at the time of the shutdown announcement.

This might seem harsh considering Cohost's staff were known users and public faces there. I don't know any of them personally. I don't wanna pretend like I do. But I also don't wanna pretend like ASSC could do no wrong and Cohost was some heavenly paradise. One of the most popular posts on the site in its final months, at least regarding the number of comments and responses to it, was "Cohost So White", a lengthy timeline detailing some of the most notable moderation fails and racist incidents that've occurred on the site over its history. Much of that negativity I mentioned earlier stemmed from how bigoted and racist chunks of the userbase could be - and the times that was left unchecked until staff was bullied into removing offending posts and banning the people behind them. Remember the Nazi incident I mentioned earlier?

In short, a Nazi made a Cohost account to stalk and harass a Jewish person there. The Jewish person tried reporting the account, posting evidence of the Nazi's behavior off-site, and Cohost staff… did nothing about it initially because "they've done nothing wrong on Cohost so far" or words to that effect, causing the Jewish person (among others) to almost leave Cohost. Staff was then bullied into banning the Nazi and afterwards said things like "we're bound to screw up on moderation decisions every now and again". There's more to the Nazi incident than that, but I don't want this post to be entirely about that. Still, I get it. Moderation is tricky. People make mistakes. But that was an egregious moderation failure that should never have happened.

Disregarding all that, Cohost had this feeling of a group of friends creating a social media platform for themselves, their friends, and friends of friends, but it never grew out of that hobbyist mindset. Cohost felt like a very anti-social place more often than not. Discoverability was always spotty. Tag shotgunning was common especially for artists like me wanting to have as much reach as possible. The only major attempt to make discoverability better IMO, tag synonyms, came in too late to be relevant. Needed and welcomed, but still. Same for certain changes to moderation policies - the "missing stair" policy and so on, even if I feared they could've been weaponized against fair and civil criticism of the platform.

This is a personal thing, but I never gelled with the site's culture. I was mainly there to post my art; the site being NSFW/18+ friendly was a huge reason why I joined, and to its credit, Cohost never lost that particular quality throughout its existence. I didn't interact with people much there, and venturing outside of my carefully-curated feeds, both main and bookmarked, could feel as draining as doomscrolling on Twitter. Almost like Twitter's negativity sort of migrated over to Cohost and became integrated into Cohost's culture. Again, I'm not saying the entire platform was like that, just that the negativity sometimes drowned out all the shitposts and CSS crimes and whatnot.

Don't get me wrong. Cohost shutting down is a loss for the Internet as a whole for reasons I explained up top. I'll always appreciate it for what it tried to do and all the good it managed to do over the time it existed. I don't wanna walk away feeling like I'm blindly bashing on it with a sledgehammer or, worse, celebrating its downfall with a bag of popcorn in hand. It's just… Things could've and should've been so much better. There were more than enough misgivings on ASSC's behalf that didn't help matters. That's really why I'm sad yet not surprised about Cohost shutting down. Cohost deserved better. Much better.

The reason why I've been so critical about Cohost is… I give a shit. It's clear I'm passionate enough about Cohost to say what I said here. I genuinely wanted things to be better there. If I truly didn't care, this post wouldn't exist, and it's possible I never would've given Cohost a chance in the first place. Regardless, the fact that so, so, SO many people are sad about it shutting down speaks volumes. I enjoyed my time there despite all its faults, but that doesn't mean I could act as if those faults didn't exist. My personal experiences with Cohost weren't everyone's personal experiences.

I'm aware that places like Pillowfort have some of the same problems Cohost had, namely an uncertain financial and long-term future. It's why Pillowfort and other small platforms need support now more than ever, and I'm glad to see that some of Cohost's userbase has migrated over to Pillowfort. Unless you're gonna bail on social media entirely after Cohost shuts down (again, I don't blame you for wanting to do that at this point), you're best off diversifying where you post, especially if you're an artist and/or a writer. If you can spare the money, you should send a few bucks towards these smaller platforms to help keep them afloat. At any moment, that smaller platform you've made a home on can just… shut down one day, planned or not.

[eldaryasharbinger]

MCL New Gen Ep. 7 Review

As I'm getting ready to play episode 8, I'm taking the time to finish my ep 7 review!! Stay tuned as I plan to play it right after I post it, so my long awaited (let's pretend) opinion on the controversial episode 8 will come soon!!

As per usual, everything goes below the cut!

Let's start with some of the screenshots I took, since I believe these are what I mainly wanted to talk about!

This doesn't have much relevance, but I thought it was funny since it used to happen to me too, I've learned to keep the volume of my computer muted and I've realized it doesn't make any sounds at start up, but it still happens sometimes that I forget the volume all the way up after I showed my work to my boss the previous day, and I always get startled by it in the morning,, (I edit videos and I usually tend to keep the volume on the low, but he's always complaining thay he can't hear it so he turns it up so much that pretty much all the office can hear it, unnecessary but very funny at times since we usually joke about it😭)

Most hated moment for me so far, It made me so incredibly uncomfortable and that's because I've hears these exact words, in a much more negative way, and it kind of triggered the bad memories that come with it

I find it INSANE that Candy's mother would rather her adult daughter get late at her job because of her other daughter, that's also skipping classes, is occupying the bathroom

Others have pointed out that how come a renowned architect such as her mother, planned a house with only one bathroom?? I'm NOT buying the whole "you both will eventually move out" thing because then what's the point of giving them their own rooms? for future guests? she seriously made a huge-ass house, pool included, to only have one bathroom? Stupid as fuck and NOT THOUGHT AT ALL on Beemoov's part (what a surprise...)

And since I've been in a similar situation, let me tell you that this is the most egoistic thing a mother can say. Who knows when she'll get to move out? Why make them suffer like this just because you were too lazy to make another bathroom?

My real life version of course doesn't exactly involve bathrooms, but my mom decided to buy a house that's fit for a single person/couple, and there's three of us living here, so I ended up having to share a room (and king-sized bed) with my sister that is 10 years older than me with whom I have a strained relationship, the lack of privacy and time to myself is still impacting my everyday life, and don't let me start talking about the storage space because it's critical.

Her decision to buy this house when she fully knew that I definitely wouldn't manage to get my own place that soon was so egoistical, we've told her plenty of times but she never listened and went on.

I wasn't that sure about Zahra and Tasha, but after this episode I definitely do not like them at all, I don't know if Beemoov did it on purpose, I doubt it, but there's definitely nothing funny about this. Especially since Zahra's expression wasn't the one of someone that's joking, she looked almost angry at us for "complaining"

They're communicating telepathically because they're both on the spectrum 🤭

oooOOOOooooh! Someone is jealous!! I didn't expect him to say something about it (Thomas was the one that found her in the mirror maze with Jason) but I'm actually so glad, I didn't know I needed this until I got it... I also love how she's low-key teasing him about it "I'm sure he would've been happy to do it..." HEHEHE

HER AWKWARD SMILE MADE ME LAUGH SO MUCH I literally had to stop for a second just to laugh at this,, It was so silly and fun,,

-----------------------------------------

I felt a little bad for Petronilla during the visit, at first I thought it was hilarious but then OF COURSE Jason had to be a b*tch about it!! Maybe it was his way to get "revenge" about her teasing earlier... Also, stupid for both me and her to think that he'd behave 😭😭🙏🏻 I should've seen it coming,, And yeah, if I were in her position I'd react the same way, even if I didn't experience what she experienced with Ioan.

All that made up stuff, if not cleared up, could damage someone's reputation so much! Low-key disgusting behavior on his part, but since he felt genuinely sorry and tried ro console her (after being a dick...) It made up for the suffering 🥲👍🏻

So far, imI enjoyed this episode and how chaotic it was, I kinda feel bad for Petronilla since being with Jason is nice in a way but sooo stressful in another, but I've been enjoying every bit of his route so far, I love his more gentle and caring moments, and I can't wait to see what's coming next! I hope they keep the sweetness of it and don't turn him into some kind of bdsm king or something because that would 100% ruin it all for me, I'd seriously start a history replay and maybe switch to Thomas's or Amanda's routes😭🙏🏻

THE SCENE WAS EVERYTHING I fear I can't stop winning in New Gen, first Jason mendal omg, second the story being PERFECT for my oc and so far it's even better than I could even imagine... THEN I GET A CHANCE TO GET STUPID PACK THAT'S BEEN ON MY MIND EVER SINCE I FIRST SAW IT??

Only thing I'm missing is a change in the Style contests to make it more fair for everyone AND THEN THAT'S IT, THEY TAILORED THIS GAME FOR MEEEEEE (I'm just being silly but it's all coming together so nicely that I literally love everything about new gen and it keeps getting better and better...)

-----------------------------------------

This ^^^ whole part bellow the Illustration I wrote right after the episode as I was laying down the screenshots to prepare the review... And now Beemoov has confirmed that they're reworking the voting system... I may be something's harbinger after all... Everyone ask me anything, apparently I'm the true fortune teller/jk

The last bit "it's getting better and better" might've aged horribly seeing what others think about episode 8 but I'll have to see for myself 😭👍🏻

I think I've wrote less than usual once again, but I'll blame it on time passing and me forgetting 🥲 I'm also currently dying my hair so I might be a little distracted,,

I don't have anything else to add, so thank you for reading! See you soon with another review, that I'll try to have ready in time and not after months,,

[pastafossa]

How do you get past writer's block? I have a fic that I'm working on that is updating on a schedule, and I made the mistake of giving myself a month off in between parts and now I can't really get back into writing it. I don't want to leave it abandoned because I have a few people who I know are really invested and I don't want to leave them hanging, but I'm having a hard time getting as excited to write it as I did before.

Ok so I'm in a weird place for this, hilariously. Because The Answer That Usually Works For Me (TM) and that carried me through a regular weekly update schedule for almost two and a half years is, in fact, not at present working for me apparently my brain can write through a pandemic but not through recovery from the shit that went down in December/Jan so we found my writing kryptonite. However, I'm going to assume you're closer to 2021 Pasta than 2024 Pasta. SO LET'S GO WITH THE METHOD I NORMALLY USE SINCE IT WAS SUCCESSFUL FOR YEARS. Cause that's the thing: sure, I've written almost a million words, and pumped out chapters for years (ignoring the past few months) but I promise, I hit the same walls as everyone else even when nailing weekly uploads. But over those years, I came up with a fairly solid list of steps that I'd go through one by one.

Fun one first: when I'm in a block, I almost always try re-engaging with canon first. I'd rewatch my favorite episodes, binge a whole season, or even the whole series depending on how much of a boost I needed. For me at least that was often like Pavlov's bell, my favorite story triggering a flood of affection. I'd remember why I loved this fandom and the characters so much, and it could often kickstart my brain and excitement back into gear. If you really want to dangle a carrot and your fic touches on canon, focus on watching parts you're excited to get to in your story. A big one for me in TRT for example was the post-Nobu, Nelson v. Murdock episode, since I'd had that planned for TRT almost since the start, and I was very excited to reach the hurt/comfort I had planned. Even if your fic isn't following canon though, see if it'll give you a creative rush again!

So let's say step 1 doesn't work, either because the canon just isn't hitting the spot or because your fic is dealing with something else. In this case, my next step was usually to jump ahead to write a scene I was really eager to get to. It was often a short blurb, but it was always something I REALLY wanted to explore, and because I'm also a reader who likes exactly the tropes and plots I'm writing, I want to read what fucking happens. Except, fuck, I'm not there yet, am I? And I can't see how that scene finishes until I write my way up to it and finish it. This is my own carrot. Multiple scenes in TRT were written months or even years in advance, simply as a way to bribe myself. This is also an option!

But maybe this doesn't work. Sometimes it didn't. This is when it got a bit more serious. For anyone who was reading at the time, you'd have noticed that I'd sometimes drop side fics, either Matt POVs or one-shots. This was me, in essence, working on the shower principle (basically, ideas/solutions will come if you stop thinking about it and do something else, like take a shower). I figured if I went and wrote something else - either with less stress, or something fun and dopamine-inducing - the part of my brain focused on my Big Fic would wander around the writer's block beneath my notice. And it almost always worked, all while I still kept my brain trained that, hey, even if we're not writing This Thing, we're still writing.

But let's say this doesn't work either. You're well, and truly, stuck. Been there now and then. And, you're going to hate this one. I hate it but it works 9 times of 10. And it is: Write anyway. Half of it was spite. I was not going to give up my schedule, I liked my schedule. The other half was that I knew myself. I knew if I could just get past the chapter/plot/dialogue I was struggling with, I'd be able to roll along again. And so I made a rule: whatever I wrote didn't have to be pretty. It just had to exist. If that meant I wrote, "Jane chased the cat in circles and caught it. She was happy." then that's what I wrote. Because everything, EVERYTHING, can be fixed in editing. But you can't fix what doesn't exist. And so there were those nights when I would scowl and groan and snarl and bash my head against that writer's block until 5 in the morning, but in the end Jane chased that fucking cat adn caught it, it was written. Hilariously, sometimes those chapters have wound up amazing (likely because I spent so much time hammering at them) and reader favorites. There are absolutely, I believe, moments where you can, and should, see if you can push through.

But that brings me to *waves* now. A lesson I've only recently recently and with encouragement. Namely... sometimes brain no go and that's ok. My steps work for me 99.9% of the time, but I've done the above during the past few months, and it just... hasn't dragged me out entirely out of it yet. Sometimes, our brains demand that break, especially when things just aren't going great. There's a reason TRT had a break of roughly 2 years between chapter 4 and chapter 5 (feel free to check the chapter index with dates on AO3!). I had some life things happening and I just was not in a place to write, even if I was still busily plotting and planning and thinking about TRT behind the scenes. And that was ok. We're not machines. I came back like a bulldozer in Jan 2021, yes, and bulldozed through weekly updates, but that break was needed. And now I'm obviously taking a short one again while I recover from everything. It's ok if you're not in a place for it. So the last step is one I've been told a lot by dear friends recently as they helped me through this: be kind to yourself, and try not to stress if none of the above works. The story will always be there, and if TRT is any indication through all its highs and lows, your readers will be there when you start up again.

[cachamata]

Kinda curious: who's your fav yan? personally btw. Pls don't feel pressured to answer this! u can ignore it if u want to 🤗 hope u have a good day oreeve!

Oho? Hello, there. I see you on my pixiv as well 👀. Thanks for dropping by here, too :).

To answer your question, the yandere characters that i draw -or had drawn- are usually the ones i like. I've stated in my pinned post back then that i only draw characters or things i like the most, after all. And i'm gonna be honest with you; i could never finish things i'm not interested in :'). Seriously. Not that i hate those who i didn't draw, no. It's just, i can't bring myself to 'feel' if i draw something i don't have strong feelings about.

But, if we're talking about yandere characters that i really like -very personally. Like, very, very personally-, i choose these five yan:

Alexander Danzel from Project infatuation by aspenglen (Original Char is by maskcover, by the way).

Klein from Klein V.0.1 by himeiro.

Ciel from Yandere Love: CoF/Apple for Teacher by ataraxicgames/A.K Fagan.

Double from Binary Star Hero by Concrete Parasite. and,

Unknown Caller from, well, Unknown by bondagebunny. (Let's just call the char like that here).

You might be frowning and questioning my sanity the moment you see three very-morally-deprived yandere there, i know xD. Especially since i put Ciel, Alex, and well, the Unknown Caller in my top 5 fav yandere.

But i specifically and primarily like those five because they have one thing in common: They have a certain Cryptic vibes that draw me in -bruh, what on earth i'm talking about-. Ciel and 'The Unknwon Caller' are even more so. And also, i'm always weak for 'a walking contradictive' kind of a character.

Let's talk about it one by one why i like them five personally, my pal :). -I actually have 10, but that would be too long to read-.

First, Klein;

He's soft, but he could get out of that zone and did that murderous thing if MC acted in the way he… didn't like or couldn't predicted (?). So cute, but so, so dangerous; i like it. A lot. I actually didn't expect it when i got that scary jumpscare and horror revelation. And when he hurt Yael that bad? And killed Sera? I'm shook. My cutie is so unexpected, like, what on earth.

I like how the developer manage to pull the horror element so smoothly and make Klein so scary. And the thing i like the most about Klein is even though he's a soft cutie, he's so confident -'of course, he's a bot', said you. But that's not my point here xD-. My second point liking Klein so much is because i have this weakness when it comes to machine engineering and yandere theme. A Bot who can be obsessed over you and could be that scary? Klein win my heart at the first sight. I mean, look at him. So adorable and could flip into something so dangerous real quick.

.

Second, Alex;

He's stoic and so calm. When i first played Project Infatuation, i was actually interested in Kaito - because he's smart. I have a thing for smart character too xD. But, like Saki and Lala said, "We're weak with stoic type, MC", Alex manage to caught my whole interest from the first half of gameplay until the end. He may seem the type who wouldn't hurt MC at all -since Ryo and Kaito have the look for it, gyahaha-, but he was the one who could. Stabbing MC? Check. Hitting MC's head against a cabinet? My wig fell off, friend.

Actually, Jin is more dangerous than Alex, but i personally don't like yandere characters who could be very easily manipulated.

.

Third, Ciel;

Pal, don't get me started on this one. In my whole visual-novel-gaming phase, especially when playing Yandere-themed games, the yandere usually try to catch MC's interest; by being kind, nice, polite, easy-going - overall approachable and a good shoulder for MC to lean on. But Ciel built different. This guy is obsessed with the MC but also always say things it is the way it is to MC. He's honest from hair to toe and never sugar-coat things even with the MC - no matter how brutal or hurtful it is.

And all i can say is this: If you're looking for a Yandere who could be a potential sugar papa -haha, what-, definitely would bully you 24/7 with cutting-tongue, smart to boot, a bit Tsun-Tsun, and if you're also weak for enemies-to-lovers trope -though this is in a very wrong context with him-, Ciel is your man. I actually have played his chapters and the other side stories, so… i would say Ciel is actually, indeed, a little bit Tsundere with MC. Just a little bit, which means no blushing and more of like, dodging things. I personally like him because he's a walking contradictive; a yandere who bullied you instead of trying to make you feel welcomed or wanted since the start? I love it.

.

Fourth, Double;

Similar to Ciel but more doting and… crazier. I like it when my darling yan is a criminal too -bro, my moral plunged too deep into valhalla at this point-.

Double also has this resilient and persistent personality that i like a lot. And i love a yan who knows what they want, how they want, and when to get it; Double has those traits coupled with his ability to use whatever resource available up his sleeve. Efficient yan and straight-to-the-point, it win me over smoothly -chef's kiss-.

.

And last, 'The Unknown Caller';

The thing i like about this guy is he doesn't hesitate to be rough, but, when MC is accidentally injured, he would switch to panic mode. Kinda funny to watch, but i feel pity for him :'). But what really win me over is his dynamic with mc. Half of the game filled with, like, their strange but comedic dynamic. And this scene in particular is my favorite:

.

.

And thanks for the ask! :). Sorry for the rambling, though.

[oops-all-concrete]

Not to post about Astarion twice in a row, but I've had a thought that I really don't want to be alone with, and am even happy to be disproved/comforted on?

Spoilers for BG3 below (Keep in mind I've not finished the game but I'm in Act III)

ALSO CW for angst and discussions surrounding sex (namely unealthy)

If you sleep with Astarion at the teifling party in act one but break it off with him later, (when he's throwing all his lines at you) he has this line of "I've gotten on my back 10,000 times or more and forgotten half of them" and I think I'm just overthinking the wording, but let me explain where my brain went.

He uses the term "On my back" over, say; "slept with" / "made love to" or his usual "entertained" (he says "I'll entertain myself" if you reject him at the teifling party after saying yes, and he says "we could always make our own entertainment" as a means to refer to sex, so he does use that term to refer to sexual activity)

"On my back" gives this impression of being used, being underneath someone else (physically and metaphorically) and otherwise not having control, something he's experienced a lot of for the past 2 centuries. He's not a participant, any more than he is a person to Cazador, he's barely there. He's only as present as the other person needs him to be. It's telling in how almost defeated it sounds, just laying there, but it's not just that.

It's also hiding his scars. The infernal on his back which he never understood. It was on his body but not his business since he was property according to the man who carved them there. Nobody tells walls what graffiti is on them. Astarion is just an object capable of turning around, protecting and hiding those parts of himself. Notice his high collar (hardly, but just about) covering his bites, the way you don't really see his teeth until after the reveal.

He gives the impression of a man with all his cards out, but he's keeping most things close to his chest. It's all very deliberate, not a mindless defence mechanism. The only mindless thing is his pursuit of sex, but thats a habit 200 years in the making. Being on his back makes him compliant and useful, sure, but its tactical. He's able to keep a piece of him hidden, at least for a while. It's strategic intimacy, the only kind he knows. Thought out, weighed up, and out of gain/power.

Which just becomes even more heart breaking as he follows up with; "But you, I'll remember" sounding just so solemn. He's got nothing to gain from you now, no need to lie or cheat, whatever game there was is over. He's telling you out of truth, and why wouldn't it be the truth? Since he got bit, you were his first out of choice, completely within his own control. Even if it is for nefarious reason. It was his choice. He didn't have to, he wanted. It was for him.

A man who's not made many choices for two hundred years is going to remember the few decisions he gets.

[readingloveswounds]

Any tips on how to deal with perfectionism and imposter syndrome?

These are both things I deal with so often, and I can't say I've beaten them entirely, I've definitely found ways to cope.

As a sort of tl;dr at the start - I think overall it takes time. I have adapted and grown because I've had several years now to learn and get comfortable with what I need to know and be okay with what I won't be an expert in.

Imposter Syndrome:

Take on the persona of a Certified Trickster(tm). I know it sounds silly, but let's be real, most of imposter syndrome is your brain being silly in its own way. If I'm not meant to be here but still am, that means I've conned my way in. The perfect crime! I'm not locked in here with you, you're locked in here with me! I know this sounds exaggerated, and it definitely is, but the point of "playing along" with the idea of being a fraud (which is what plagues me a lot) is to expose to yourself how silly/unhelpful it is to get stuck in that rut. You have better things to do with your time! I am assuaging my fears about being extremely un/underqualified for any job or postdoc by going well it's not my problem, it's theirs. I won't weed myself out of the pool unless it's something I'm actually truly unqualified for, such as a set specialization that isn't mine or teaching coordinator positions.

Make a list of things you have accomplished. I have a little heading in my planner of "[Month] Accomplished" and I write down anything I'm proud of or happy with that month, usually as I do it. I think it's really easy to forget that you've been up to good things when worrying about whether or not you're an imposter, and it really helps me be aware that I'm not just messing around.

Befriend the people in your department. This may sound a bit obvious, but I could either beat myself up about not having accomplished anything when xyz person has done so much or I could hang out with that person and find out that they're a real human being, not someone up on a pedestal. Your mileage may vary because there's plenty of egos and plenty of assholes, but I do very much suggest being friends or friendly with people because it can humanize them in such a way as to make your subconscious stop using them as a cudgel against you.

Perfectionism:

Involve other people! Perfectionism traps you in your head and says that no one can see anything you do until it is perfect (which is impossible). Who exactly you involve will have to be up to your discretion for a variety of reasons, but part of why I sent parts of my chapters to my advisor on a regular basis was to make myself stop picking at small things that didn't matter, as well as to make myself allow other eyes on it even when something wasn't perfect. And it does suck sometimes when you feel you could have done better at writing something and have to send it off, but if you've seen some of my posts, I like to reframe that as making it my advisor's problem now. And usually it's not that bad, and if it is in rough shape he'll give me advice on how to make it better. Sharing my writing with people will always make me squirm, but it's a learning squirm, and if you can find people who care about your progress in a good way, it's terrifying but it helps.

The strides forward that "there's no such thing as a perfect dissertation, just a finished one" has taken me are immense. This is about a fairly specific milestone, obviously, but reframing it as not the pinnacle of my career that has to be 100% perfect but rather the start of my career that starts a conversation and that I can adapt and change and move forward with or from has really helped. It doesn't have to be perfect, I just have to say "hey, I'm out here with these thoughts" and make it as good as I can.

I hate to make this an ode to 'go touch grass,' but go out into the world and observe what other people do. THEY don't have to be perfect, and while I know the refrain of that is "but I do," participating in conferences, watching presentations, talking to other people can help you challenge that idea in yourself.

I think at some point I decided I wanted to be comfortable with public speaking, which allowed me to let me go of being perfect at it. So find ways to rephrase goals into metrics that are actually realistic.

There is also something to be said for going "No, we're not thinking about this right now" to yourself. It may not work every time, but it'll work enough of the time.

Hopefully this is helpful!

[blueepink07]

Checkmate

Posting this fic here too! But you can also read here.

Summary: Yuno notices a pair of crimson eyes staring at her match of chess with Mahiru. Scared that her older friend might remember the latest event in which she was attacked by the same pair of eyes, she swiftly leads her to Shidou's cell with the excuse that Mahiru needs to take her medications. However, when Yuno comes back, the same prisoner that disrupted their game demands another match with her.

"No fair… You are too good at this, Yuno! You really have to teach me, too!!"

"And… Checkmate!"

"Sure!! Let's put the pieces back together and I will teach you some tricks!~"

"Right! But… Where was the queen placed…?"

"Mahiru…" Yuno couldn't help but laugh, noticing her friend mistaking the queen’s place for the king's.

It's been a while since they stayed like this, relaxed and cheerful, despite the circumstances… Kotoko's attacks prevented Mahiru from moving much, forcing her to spend the days in her cell, without an occupation. Although Yuno was frequently checking on her, she grew worried, noticing that with every passing minute, her mental state was deteriorating, so the requested wheelchair felt like a rescue from this monotonous routine.

Exactly, when the two friends were finishing to set up the table, Yuno spotted a pair of crimson eyes staring in their direction. The same pair started to approach them, the high school girl's heartbeat slowly increasing with each step. She wasn't scared for her… She was worried for Mahiru, who hadn't still felt the presence of the other person. How would she react seeing the prisoner who hurt her just a while ago? What's Kotoko trying to do? She can't beat up anyone during the trial, but what if…

No, Yuno, these are just assumptions! The best thing you can do is to avert Mahiru from noticing the taller prisoner and get her to leave the chess table.

"Mahiru… I think it's the time to get your medications. Let's first go to Shidou and then we will continue, ok?"

"Ah… but I had thought there was still some time left until my next medication…"

"I understand why! We had such a fun time together, so it's only natural. Here, let me help you!"

"No!"

Yuno's flinch didn't get unnoticed by Mahiru, who, with an apologetic smile continued:

"I don't want to be a bother… You spent so much time with me… With this wheelchair I can move by myself… So, really, Yuno, I will be fine…"

"It's still annoying to move with that, isn’t it? You still haven't got used to… This. Don't worry, for me it's not a bother! I have nothing better to do, so let's go!"

Yuno didn't even wait for Mahiru's response, helping her instead to move as fast as possible, directing the wheelchair at an angle from where she wouldn't be able to see Kotoko. Her heartbeat started to slow down as she was approaching Shidou's cell, knocking on the door.

"I think I will retreat for now!! Don't forget about the match!"

"Ah.. Yuno?!"

"Sorry Mahiru… I should go back to see if everything is clear now…"

Yuno felt more confident when she came back, if not she became curious of what Kotoko wanted from them. She wasn't even surprised to see her sitting in Mahiru's place, staring at the chess table.

"Kotoko… Do you want to play chess too? Although I don't think that's why you came, right?"

"Actually, that’s why I'm here. I've noticed that you are quite skilled at it, so I thought it would be good practice."

"She hadn't even hidden the fact that she watched us for a while. But I guess she had no reason to, considering that she now thinks she is Es's partner."

"I'm surprised! I wouldn’t have guessed that you would be the type to play chess for fun!"

"I play once in a while… It’s relaxing actually, it also trains my mind and helps me keep myself more… composed."

How much Yuno would want to throw the chess table to a corner and leave. Keeps her relaxed, huh? What a lie, Kotoko's hesitation tells everything. The way her voice, usually powerful, has been slightly trembling at the last word.

She is after something, that’s for sure… Yuno heard before that the strategy you use when playing chess can tell a lot about one's personality. Is this Kotoko's attempt at trying to learn more about her, while making herself vulnerable? After all, this game of accumulating information can be played by two.

"Okay~"

"I will begin first, if it's alright…"

"Sure, go on!"

Making the first move… Usually the one who begins has a slight advantage. Is Kotoko not that confident about her skills…? However, the first two moves are usually the same regardless of who you play with. As expected, Kotoko moved the pawn that guarded the king. The muscle memory worked in, and Yuno, too, placed her own pawn with two slots.

The objective, in the beginning part of the game, was to make an opening for as many pieces as possible in a short time. Kotoko seemed to know this too as she started to move more pawns to make room for the pieces that were worth more points.

Just a few moves in the game, and Yuno could already tell Kotoko's style of playing. After quickly disposing of the pawns that kept the other pieces in place, the raven haired girl started to consider every move an opportunity to attack. Aggressive, but precise, fearless, no matter the consequences. If Yuno would take into consideration the latest events, she would think that this is how Kotoko usually plays. But… Something feels off. Kotoko analyses before she acts. Her moves right now are too reckless, the difference in points being quite large, Yuno having a considerable advantage.

Has Kotoko figured it out already…? That the way Yuno plays during their match is different from her usual style? The highschool girl likes to trick her opponents at every given chance, while also putting herself in a position that might mislead the opponent, creating a false sense of stability that would cause them to advance in the danger, becoming a victim of her tactics. However, with the possibility of Kotoko wanting to learn more about her, it forced Yuno to take a different approach. Instead of using tricks, she decided to play safe, maybe too calm and boring for her liking. Not attacking much, but having a good defense, while slightly predicting the opponent's moves.

Is Kotoko trying to push Yuno to her limits? Yuno is not a fan of long matches, and considering that Kotoko plays in offense, while she plays in defense, it will take some time until one of them wins.

To succumb to boredom and let Kotoko's strategy actually work, or continue this charade…

It will be easier if she would just stand up and leave… After all, Kotoko is not someone she would like to spend time with and she should really check on Mahiru.

"Hey, Yuno. You seem deep in thought, are you actually paying attention to the game?"

"Hm~? Chess is about strategy, so it would be natural to be deep in thought. Or is this your way of acknowledging that you let me win?"

"Hmph, let you win. What nonsense. I think you are the one who treats me lightly. From what I've seen, from your other matches, you could have already won by now."

Since when did Kotoko start to spy on their games? It's scary how easily she can make herself unnoticed and claim so much information.

"How sweet! An admirer!"

Surprisingly, Kotoko didn't comment about her reply, instead her face turning into a frown.

"Your skills at chess are really impressive, my only objective was to have fun with you."

"... Really? After everything that happened, what made you think that I will forgive or forget. I don't think I have to spell it out for you, why does no one want to sit next to you though."

"Then, why did you accept my request? I know that you aren't afraid of me. Were you scared that I might have hurt Mahiru? Do not think that your action didn't go unnoticed."

Why did Yuno accept the request… To gain information about the prisoner in front of her… Who was now watching her with the same crimson eyes that a few minutes ago, caused her heartbeat to be increased. Would it be a smart move to answer honestly? No, her intentions should be hidden for now. Who knows? Maybe if she will do this more times, she could figure out better what is the deal with Kotoko. And the next time, she would make sure that no one would be injured by her anymore. To predict Kotoko's next moves. Like in chess.

"Hm… I wonder! You are the only one with whom I haven't still played with, so I suppose I was curious about your skills! Especially, since you said that chess is relaxing…"

"Ah… The small competition you had last week. You won, didn't you?"

"Haha… Yes, but I'm wondering if Shidou actually let me win. His skills are truly impressive."

Kotoko's face showed little to no emotion, but Yuno could tell that she didn't believe her lie at all.

"Still, you should have played fair with me. Anyway, I'm done here. Next time, promise me to give me a great match, okay? I want to see more of the real Kashiki Yuno."

"..."

With Kotoko's departure, Yuno was left alone with her thoughts. "Next time… huh?" Her motive is still… unclear. It's not like Kotoko likes her very much, the feeling is mutual, so what does the raven haired woman want to achieve?

"Yunoo!!~"

"Mahiru!"

"See, I've told you that I can manage on my own!"

"Did Kotoko leave, because she noticed Mahiru approaching…? Would she be really so considerate of Mahiru's feelings, or is it pure coincidence?"

"Ah… Are you okay…? You seem spaced out…"

"Oh, yes! No worries! Let's play, shall we? I can't wait to show you some cool moves!"

"And maybe I would not be the first one eliminated, next time, from the competition!"

"That’s the spirit!"

All Yuno's worries about Kotoko's motivations dispersed as soon as the new match started. With a small, soft smile, she began explaining to her friend some of the easier tactics, as Mahiru was pretty much a beginner. Yuno couldn't help, but laugh seeing the eyes that were watching her with anticipation and curiosity. It is the first time, since Mahiru was injured, when her older friend displayed genuine happiness, her beautiful eyes seeming to regain their sparkle that she adored so much.

[quinloki]

I know you're in the middle of an ask game right now, but I genuinely need some validation of some sort. As a person with multiple WIPs, I need to be told that it's okay for me to also have multiple WIPs.

For some reason, I have gotten it into my head that because I'm doing The Better Mousetrap I cannot start anything else until I've done X amount of chapters for that fic.

But my brain has gone from a creative drought lasting 3 or 4 years to suddenly being very creative. I don't want to lose that creative drive again. It was heartbreaking when I lost it in the first place. I literally wept when all creative desire just died within me.

I want to work on Mousetrap for sure but I also want to work on my Law fic and then I had a brilliant idea for a Benn fic, and I kind of want to collect everything I've come up with for Arlong in one spot. I have an event fic for a group I actually need to work on but I'm feeling guilty for wanting to start them up when I've just barely started Mousetrap.

Do I shelve them until I've got more chapters of Mousetrap or can I genuinely create to my heart's content because it frees my soul?

And this whole thing sounds stupid because I know the answer is create what you want, when you want, but I don't know. I don't know why I'm getting in my own way.

100% create when you want - what you want - HOW you want.

Look, you came to the right place. I have like 14 incomplete WIPs I skip between, I've start THREE OTHERS that the only reason I haven't posted is because I, personally, don't want to yet.

but I go where the words take me, and if my focus decides to focus on another title even now, then that's what I'm going to do.

there's no deadlines, there's no marketing team breathing down my neck, there's nothing but what I want to do and the energy I have to do it.

I get worrying about it though. I tried to limit myself when I started. "Don't do Y until I finish X" but when I couldn't stomach trying to force it I let the gates open wide and I haven't regretted it since.

Any complaints about how long it's taking me to get around to another title is someone else's problem. I gotta put my drive and my focus first or I'm just going to toss it all in.

No one wants that. Not for me, and not for you. Piss on anyone who complains and write what you want, post it when you want - sitting on chapters usually drives me bonkers, but sometimes it doesn't.

I gotta bend how I bend.

In the end it'll all work out, and that's the important part.

[clotpolesonly]

20 questions for fic writers!

tagged my @thotpuppy!! &lt;3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

209

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

1,195,283

3. What fandoms do you write for?

on AO3, i have posted for: Teen Wolf Merlin Raven Cycle Captive Prince Dark Rise Supernatural (crossover w/TW) once upon a time, back in FFN days, i also wrote and posted for Harry Potter (primarily) and then one each for Newsies, Little Mermaid II, and Twilight. none of these fics ever got finished lmao.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Metamorphose (Merlin, Merthur, 7750 kudos) Happiness is Effortless (TW, Sterek, 7746 kudos) Much Ado About You Two (TW, Sterek, 7046 kudos) I'll Dissolve When The Rain Pours In... (TW, Stackson, 6172 kudos) We Duel At Dawn (Merlin, Merthur, 4949 kudos)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i respond to all my comments!! (except for comments on old suspended WIPs that ask if i'm writing more, which i let sit in my inbox to haunt me like a beating heart under my floorboards slowly driving me insane until i figure out if i am writing more or if i can definitively tell them it's abandoned alkfdgh) i've been stuck recently though and have let my inbox get backed up for a month, so i really need to go on a reply spree soon 😭 it's just a point of pride, i guess? i made the decision that i would Respond To All Comments/Reviews I Ever Get when i first started posting back on FFN in ye olden days (like 2008 lol), and i've been pretty darn good at keeping that promise to myself. and i just think it's nice!! FFN had private messaging, and a lot of those responses turned into whole conversations and friendships that lasted for months. community engagement is a good thing and i like reaching back to the people who reach out to me.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

proooobably These Gordian Knots We Tie (Sterek)😅 though An Empty Glass Is An Ugly Mirror (Dydia) is also pretty bleak.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

uuhhh most of them??? i write a lot of fluff, LOL, i wouldn't know how to pick out just one that stands above the rest when the vast majority of my posted oneshots are sappy as fuck 😂

8. Do you get hate on fics?

i really don't, tbh. which i count myself lucky for, cuz i hear a lot of horror stories. but i've only gotten a small handful of negative comments, most of which were bitching about disagreeing with the characters' choices. i don't think i've ever fielded personal attacks or what ye olden FFNers would've called flames, lol. proportionally, they're negligible.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

on occasion. out of my 209 fics, only 13 of them are explicit, which is roughly 6% lol. including my 7 mature fics (not all of which are rated so for smut, i don't think) ups that to 9.5% 😂 i'm just not very interested in writing smut, not to mention it's both difficult and kind of boring and repetitive when you think about it. i feel like i'm notorious for romances that use one kiss as the climactic ending, if even that, haha. when i do (rarely) write smut, it's usually in dedicated pwp format, rather than integrated into a larger story, cuz i just feel like most larger stories (mine, at least) don't need it 🤷🏻‍♀️

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

the only crossover that i've written and posted was Teen Wolf/Supernatural, cuz i just could not resist the urge to have Allison call the Winchesters and tell them that her father had gone on a hunting trip and he hadn't been home in a while. i just needed that in my life, and i was offended that no one else had written it. also i thought that Dean "Easily Flustered By Flirtatious Men" Winchester should really meet Stiles "Doe Eyes, Witty Banter Someone Needs To Sex Me Right Now" Stilinski. for reasons.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i have! the reason that i teeechnically have a wattpad account is because someone yoinked To Be A King wholesale and posted it over there themselves, and i needed an account to be able to message them to take it tf down. weirdly, they changed some of the names, but not the distinctive names? the identifying names?? like Mordred or the names of my OCs. it was an odd choice. anyway, they took it down immediately with no other response. i think that's been the only time, as far as i'm aware.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

i've got 15 translations listed in my related works 😍 8 of them by the same industrious person, bless them.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

not since that one disaster of an attempt with a friend in early high school, lmao. that's when i realized that i am a control freak with high and unforgiving standards. she was writing her parts 1) badly and 2) WRONG and it drove me up the wall. i can't handle not having complete control of the narrative 😅 i write alone.

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

that's not faaaiiiiiir, patently impossible to answer, next question

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

if i don't finish For Shell And Safety someday, it'll be a fucking tragedy, cuz i'm really proud of that one and i was so so invested in it when i started it and i've still got Thoughts on how it's supposed to end, i just got stalled out in the middle of it and never found my momentum again. but.....it's been 6.5 fucking years. however, i feel like, because i do still have those thoughts and plans, that one might have a better chance than REM-DAC, because THAT one stalled out right before it was supposed to be over due to the sudden realization that i actually wanted there to be a sequel and i couldn't tie up the loose ends in the first fic without knowing how to set up for the second one. but. i never figured out concretely what i wanted to happen in the second one. and it's been 5.5 years there too. still no concrete plans. so, despite that one also being a GREAT FIC that i'm VERY PROUD OF and deeply invested in, i will have to at some point accept the reality of how low the odds are that i will ever actually get back into the swing of it and finish what i fucking started. they haunt me.

16. What are your writing strengths?

i'm really not quite sure 🤔 strengths and weaknesses are easier to tell from an outside perspective, lol. i feel like i write good natural-feeling dialogue. at least, the professor in the one short story technique workshop i took in college told me as much 😂 said i had the best dialogue in the class. been riding that high for a decade aldkfjghf

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

idkkkkkk 😅😅😅 pacing maybe?? like, long form pacing in lengthier narratives??

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i have avoided it so far, lkajdfgh. objectively, i think it can be done well and it can be done badly, and different methods serve different purposes so it depends on the story which is most appropriate. the online medium provides more avenues for it than print, like the hover text translations that used to be more popular before phones/touchscreens without cursors became the most prominent way to read things, or superscript links to footnotes with translations. some people put the translation directly into the narrative like an echo, but that gets really tedious really fast, and it would be simpler and more streamlined to just cut out the other language entirely and say "XYZ" he said, in french instead. overall, my preferred method is to filter it through the understanding of the POV character and their potentially limited/imperfect grasp of that other language. if they don't know what's being said, we don't know what's being said. if they pick out some words and get the gist, we see their thought process of figuring it out. it informs our understanding of the character, as well as providing an obstacle and creating tension. if you want to include a full translation of the foreign text, you can in endnotes or a postscript, but i don't really think it's necessary. if people wanna find out what it says, google translate is free 🤷🏻‍♀️ probably best not to use google translate to write the thing, though. if it's not a language you speak, preferably find someone who does speak it to translate, to make sure it's accurate and not butchered. hence me avoiding writing anything that requires other languages 😂 cuz i'm a monolingual usamerican loser who doesn't want to go to as much trouble as it would require to branch out like this. i am a "so-and-so said something unintelligibly french" bitch.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

cut my teeth on Harry Potter back in the day

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

another patently impossible question, i have no answer for this, i love all my fics equally (or at least in tiers uwu)

.

i am tagginggg: @adamprrishcycle @flightspathfic @nooowestayandgetcaught @adrianfridge @nyxelestia and anybody else who wants to do it!!

20 questions for fic writers!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

3. What fandoms do you write for?

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

16. What are your writing strengths?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

19. First fandom you wrote for?

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

[pippuns]

Youve made me curious, what's Tai Sui about? What's the appeal 👀👀

LET ME TELL YOU ALL ABOUT THE APPEAL ANON!!

tai sui is an absolutely fantastically written steampunk xianxia novel that acts as a deconstruction of the xianxia genre!! if you like detailed world building, questions about the cost of immortality, what makes a god, and identity, themes about environmentalism, class, autonomy, the power of names, and just incredible levels of emotional damage (broken up by the funniest and most annoying (/affectionate) protagonist around), tai sui is for you!!

which is to say. this novel was engineered to make me specifically absolutely lose it LOL

i kept on trying to make this post both coherent and not long and i have given up. here is a bunch of words of me yelling about how much i love tai sui below the page break.

TAI SUI IS SO!!! MY BRAIN!!! ITS BEING REWRITTEN!!!

there is literally no one in the main cast i dont like. they're all so funny in their own ways and so likeable!! I genuinely have such a difficult time picking my favorite character in tai sui because they're all so interesting and well-written, and i love seeing them interact with each other

part of this absolutely has to do the protagonist, xi ping, who is just the funniest man around. he's also the most annoying and i want to see him crushed like a bug (/affectionate). he's really good at bouncing off of other characters, and i love seeing him drag other folks into Problems and Situations and just being a general force of chaos and mayhem in the world

it's also really good that he's so funny and lighthearted because tai sui has some really tragic moments!! it gets fucking sad!! i've cried multiple times and i don't usually cry at media!! i only just finished book three!!

tai sui is also really good at writing women!! i love tai sui women so much. i don't really have much more to say about this but like. gender and wlw win <3

another thing tai sui does that i like a lot is zoom out to focus on the ways the events of the novel are affecting ur average day folks. when i say ''tai sui is about class and environmental issues'' i mean they don't just like, say it in the narration and then not elaborate on it. we explicitly see how people are being affected by the way the world is governed and the hardships they are forced to live through. it's not really left to your imagination.

but something i also really really like is that while priest does show the hardship that characterizes the lives of the people, they also show the ways in which people struggle to live on regardless.

tai sui is about tragedy in a lot of ways, but it's not a tragedy they take lying down, and it's not like people don't find their own moments of happiness in spite of the hard lives they live. which is really important to me!! its something i genuinely appreciate from the narration so much!! yes, life is hard. yes, things are difficult. and yes, people find a way to continue on regardless!!!!

PUNCHES A WALL. IM SO EMOTIONAL ABOUT TAI SUI.

ALSO THE NARRATION IS SO GORGEOUS??? LIKE HELLO??? IM LITERALLY OBSESSED WITH THE PROSE. EATS IT WHOLE LIKE IM A BURMESE PYTHON. or uh. like im going out to a gyro place with my friends and i get so focused on eating the food that i don't notice that i'm eating the sandwich paper wrap until a fair amount of it is chowed down haha :')

i also mentioned this a little on my side twitter but the way tai sui is formatted is also really fun to me. like. it feels like a tv show with the way the scenes change and the cliff hangers the chapters end on sometimes. which is why it really doesn't feel like its 900k words. you just keep going and then BOOM ur done with a book. the real reason im doodling my way through this novel is to force myself to go slow. bc otherwise i would have finished it in a week (there is something wrong with me).

anyways please read tai sui

[shads-shipposts]

So, my sailor fic Anachronism won't be released in full until at least 2029 due to other projects in my neverending queue, but! There's a profound lack of Karaboudjan crew content on this site and I feel like rectifying that. Plus I haven't cursed this hellsite with my nonsense in ages, and that's gotta be fixed.

So, here's a touch-up/completion of something I'm fairly certain I posted a while back. Ch 2 of Anachronism, called Run and Gun! It takes place the morning of the Tintin movie's beginning, but don't worry about not having chapter 1 to read yet. Honestly, things will probably make less sense if you read chapter one. Plus I haven't written it yet.

All you need to know is Anachronism involves a literal self-insert (I get sucked into the movie) but with the twist of its actually the same universe as one of my old Tintin fanfics that was never finished. Hence why Allan is after me, he's got bits of memory missing and ain't happy about it. Also, being a black belt ain't made up. I trained for 4 1/2 years and got it in 2019. This story takes place in 2020, specifically Jan 1.

Enough ramble, on with the show! Depending on the reception, I may post more book snippets as I go along. So be sure to leave a comment if you enjoyed! Or if you have thoughts on characterization, it's been a while since I've written with these guys.

CW: Langauge, minor peril, utter chaos

Word Count: 3700

---------------------------

“Catch that kid! I want her alive!”

Well ain’t this dandy? All I wanted to do was sketch the ship, now I’m in a run and gun chase scene! This is what I get for being curious!

At least this was just a dream, so I couldn’t really get hurt.

Right?

Usually my dream would have shifted into something unhinged by now. Things were too stable, too realistic. Too… what was the word? Linear.

Footsteps came quick behind me, and close. Blackbelt or not, running was not my forte. My fighting style was quick and brutal, so I never had to worry about stamina. Fights were only supposed to last a few seconds, otherwise they were brawls.

I was not trained for that.

I just really hoped it wasn’t Allan right behind me. He had questions, and to be fair I had a hell of a lot of my own, but I didn’t think he’d be keen on sitting down and having a calm chat about them.

I risked a glance behind me.

Not Allan, or any other sailor I recognized, but a young guy. No older than me, or taller, but probably faster.

“No hard feelin’, doll!” he called. “Boss wants you back, so I’m takin’ ya back!”

“Ain’t you precious!” I retorted, anger sparking through me at the nickname. “Call me that again and I’ll drop your ass!”

“That fire won’t do you any favors with the boss!”

“And your smooth talk won’t do you any favors with me!”

I had to lose this guy, he was getting close.

Spotting a brick wall maybe eight feet high, I changed course and headed straight for it. Hopefully this young fella couldn’t vault walls like I could.

Let’s see if all that self taught parkour pays off!

Jumping at the wall, right foot first, the treads of my boot caught the rough brick and I propelled myself over the obstacle. I landed in a puddle, but at least I was gone from the bad side of the wall.

“Oh what the hell?!”

Ha! Lost him!

“Nick! Where’d she go?”

“She vaulted the wall!”

Well, that was no good. That sounded like Neil, and he could probably toss Nick over the wall.

Time to make like my name and vanish!

Spying an open door, I darted inside a warehouse and climbed up behind some crates. I was careful to not put myself into a corner, however, because I knew my harsh breathing would give myself away. I could control it decently well, but even still.

My reprieve was horrifically short lived.

Voices, inside the warehouse.

“Those footprints led in here.”

Damn puddle.

“Be careful, fellas. She’s feisty!” came Nick’s laugh.

“Anyone would be annoyed to deal with you,” another sailor snorted. “Remember, boss wants her alive. Preferably unharmed, but use force to get her down if needed.”

Oh, it’s gonna be needed.

Noise came from my right, and I turned in anticipation as I waited for the sailor to show himself. He sure was making a lot of noise, and I thought I even heard a crate tumble down to the floor.

The reason for all the excess noise soon revealed itself.

“Gotcha!” Nick laughed, arms wrapping around my middle. He hauled me up and towards himself, but that gave me an idea.

Throwing all my weight back into him, he yelped and we both tumbled backwards, heels over head, down the tall stack of crates. Something that should have hurt like the dickens, but didn’t.

This was a dream after all.

Down we went, Nick having a much worse time than me. It was a long way to the cobblestone floor, the sailor who made all the noise rushing to beat us to the bottom where another sailor waited. I didn’t recognize them, so I didn’t feel too bad when I kicked off the pile of crates and launched us both into the legs into one sailor as he darted below us to grab me.

He went down, he and Nick ending up in tangled a pile of sore limbs, leaving me free to spring free and ready myself to square up with the remaining sailor.

Though I honestly wished he would have been the one Nick currently struggled to detangle himself from. I’d faced off some big guys in karate, but this fella was on another level.

Leverage. I’d have to use leverage.

In a way that did not anger this big guy.

“Little girl has skill,” he remarked in a thick Russian accent, giving me a smile that was surprisingly more good-natured than sinister. “But sadly will not make safe.”

“Get ‘er, Ollie!”

Diving into a shoulder roll, I sprang up and immediately changed direction and dove into another one just as his arms closed over the spot I just was. I darted out the door, immediately slamming into another sailor and taking us into the street.

I could not catch a break!

A car horn sounded, but before I could react, the sailor I ran into snatched the back of my jeans’ waistband and rolled us out of the way to the other side of the street. I kicked off with my legs, aiding him the best I could.

Neither of us were gonna be able to fight if we both got flattened by multiple tons of steel.

Angry yelling followed from the driver, but I didn’t really have the time to say sorry as I found myself locked in a grappling match with the sailor who saved both our skins.

Why couldn’t the other black belts have just ignored the awkwardness and taught me grappling?! I didn’t know dick about this!

But I did know one thing.

As an arm came down and tried to loop around my neck, I bared my teeth and sank them into his bare arm.

It tasted like sweat, dirt, sea-water, and engine grease.

Not that I knew what the last tasted like.

“Youch!” a semi-familiar voice yelled, quickly releasing his hold on me.

Diving away, I sprang up but stopped in horror as I found myself staring down a dead-end alley. Spinning around into a right fighting-stance, guard up and front leg ready to strike, I finally saw the sailor I’d nearly gotten run over.

Neil knelt on the ground, blocking my way out as he nursed his wounded arm. I hadn’t bitten too hard, more concerned with just getting free via surprise, so all he had to worry about was spit and a bruise. Inspecting the bite mark, he then looked up at me with an expression halfway between amusement and shock.

“You just bite me, Shortie?”

“Well pardon me for wantin’ to escape!”

He snorted in amusement, a partial smile on his face. “Apology accepted, but afraid I can’t grant that escape.”

As if on cue, more sailors joined him at the entrance to the alley. Hobbs, Tom, Ollie, Nick, the unnamed sailor Nick fell on, and…

“Shit,” I hissed, locking eyes with Allan.

“What’s the rush?” he asked. “It’s rude to not say goodbye, kid.”

That easy-going and nonthreatening smile don’t fool me, Al.  Tom’s the Golden Retriever, not you. You’re a German Shepherd with anger management issues or some shit.

Nick and the unnamed sailor stood on either side of the entrance, looking the opposite directions as they presumably kept a look out for any passersby. The others moved into the alley, pushing me further back.

Hobbs laughed, looking me up and down. “What’re we all standin’ around for? She’s not so tough, watch!”

He came forward, reaching for my arm. I waited until he got just close enough, subtly shifting my weight to my left leg, before letting it fly.

It caught him in the chest, knocking him off his feet and back towards the group.

“Nice strike,” Ollie said, arms crossed and stance relaxed as Neil erupted into laughter.

“Don’t encourage her!” Hobbs spat, slowly staggering to his feet.

“Looks like we got a martial artist on our hands, boys,” Allan remarked, looking me up and down. “No wonder they felt so safe takin’ a stroll down the docks.”

Not my brightest idea, but even in a dream I can gather ideas.

“Now I get why you said it was reflex after you smacked me in the face,” Neil said, still laughing at a wounded Hobbs.  

“Sad to say, kid, all that fancy dojo-learnin’ won’t do you much good here on the street. But we can do this the easy way or the hard way,” Allan said, tone now conversational and even charismatic in a way. “Up to you.”

Of course he’d switch to charming and agreeable now, he had me cornered. Ol’ good cop bad cop, except Allan Thompson played both roles. Good trick, scare someone out of their wits then act all friendly so they would be more likely to cooperate and “make it easier for everyone”.

Unfortunately, I never in my life “made it easy” for anyone and I sure as hell wasn’t gonna start now.  

“All we need from you is some answers,” Allan continued, stance relaxed and arms loose by his sides.

“You and me both,” I muttered.

The way you shift from threatening to trustworthy is amazing, sir. Were you not out for blood, I’d study you like a prison psychologist.

“Quit fightin’,” Hobbs growled, coming up on the right. “You’re just gonna get yourself hurt.” He emphasized his words by pulling a blade out.

I ain’t the one that got Sparta-kicked just a minute ago.

“No need for violence,” Allan called over to him, but he said nothing about sheathing the blade. He looked back over at me. “I’d suggest playin’ nice, kid. No more of that warehouse nonsense, these fellas won’t be as easy to deal with as the new guy.”

“Drop the act, Allan,” I growled. “You and I both know that sweet talkin’ is empty and I ain’t so stupid as to be charmed by honeyed words like that.”

His expression changed, the easy-going smile shifting to something not quite sinister but definitely not friendly. “We’re gettin’ those answers, kid. One way or another.” His tone darkened. “You want to play rough, we can play rough.”

Hobbs flanked his right with a blade, Neil his left with nothing but his bare hands. Tom stood back, waiting and watching the scene unfold with sharp eyes and a hand on his hip close to what I knew to be a firearm.

“Four corners, huh?” I asked, shifting into a ready stance with my weight on my toes. “A gun, a knife, and fists. All I need is a kicker. You good at round-house kicks, Allan?”

He didn’t say anything, still bearing that dangerous smile that sent shivers down my spine yet also brought a similar smile to my own face.

“Think this is a game?” Hobbs demanded.

I flashed a toothy grin his way. “Play ball, bitch.”

Allan shrugged. “If you insist.”

Hobbs came first, blade aimed for my leg. A simple horse stance to horse stance paired with a wrist throw took care of him.

Neil was next, swinging wide with a haymaker that didn’t make much sense but he’d already proved enigmatic in his methods so I didn’t spend time questioning him. I just stepped in, blocked the punch on the inside of his arm, and wrapped my hand around the back of his neck. By a stroke of luck, I threw him into Hobbs and they both went down.

But now I found myself facing Tom, or rather, not facing him.

He locked me in a bear hug from behind, but unlucky for him this was one of the easiest attacks to break.

Drive my heel onto the top of his foot, punch out and step into a horse stance to break the hold, elbow to the gut to wind him, grab the arm, kneel, bend, and flip.

Tom fell hard onto the cobblestones in front of me, arm trapped in an armbar, but as I drew back a fist to strike his ribs, I found myself unable to commit.

Instead, I threw his arm away and dove into a shoulder roll to escape before he could spring up and grab me.

But what was waiting for me was worse, and I sprang to my feet to find Allan’s pistol pointed straight at my chest.

He was in arms reach, and I knew how to disarm him, but I risked the trigger getting pulled and the bullet hitting one of the others. If I could just get him to shift slightly, then I only risked the wall getting hit.

Unless it ricocheted…

“Hey, what gives?” Hobbs groaned, cradling his wrist. “Why does Tom get let off easy?”

“Maybe because he didn’t try stabbin’ the kid!” Neil smacked him over the head. “What were you thinkin’, dickhead?!”

“I was just aimin’ for ‘er leg! I wouldn’t hit anythin’ vital!”

My attention slipped, focused on the bickering pair.

Allan immediately took advantage of the mistake.

“Tom.”

Act!

I stepped in, both hands grabbing the top of Allan’s and forcing the gun down. For some reason, it didn’t go off. Snatching it from his grasp, I slammed my foot into his gut and drove him back. The force sent him off his feet, just like Hobbs, but before he recovered I had the gun ready and aimed at him.

I’d never be able to pull the trigger, even with it just aimed at his foot, but I just hoped they wouldn’t know that.

Allan did notice, however, where I was aiming and where my finger was; resting along the barrel, far from the trigger. Still kneeling, his eyes traveled from the gun to me, slightly narrowed. Tom came up from the side, cautiously, but Allan stopped him with a hand.

“Why would you risk gettin’ shot to get the gun,” he asked, one hand over his stomach where I nailed him. He stood, eyes trained on mine. “Only to aim it somewhere that wouldn’t even stop your attacker?”

“Mind your business.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Considerin’ I have my gun aimed at my foot, think it is my business.”

“I ain’t lookin’ for a murder charge.”

Dream or no dream. Not that that is the whole reason.

“Did not stop you from trying to break neck in warehouse,” Ollie commented, still standing calm as could be near the front of the alley.

“Desperate times call for desperate measures and all that.”

He tilted his head. “You are not desperate. Dedicated to escape, but not desperately seeking.”

“Didn’t realize I was bein’ chased by a buncha shrinks.”

“He’s right, though,” Allan said. “You’ve not once been lethal. Don’t think I haven’t noticed.”

“Sure was painful,” Hobbs grumbled, shaking his wrist.

Allan stepped closer, and I raised my gun to his arm.

He shook his head. “Again, not lethal.”

“Good trigger discipline,” Ollie commented.

“Won’t help.” Allan stepped closer again, hands still at his sides.

I still couldn’t bring myself to aim at his face. You never aimed a gun at something you didn’t intend to shoot. Aiming it anywhere near him was already breaking that rule.

Instead, I warned, “Back! Don’t test me, mate, I’ll pull this trigger.”

Lies. All of it lies.

I knew that… and so did Allan. We were in the 2011 movie, but I was not dealing with movie!Allan. I was dealing with some variant of the one I originally wrote with all those years ago, which was closer to the comics; smarter, more cunning, and a lot sharper than anything the movie even hinted at. The charismatic side was new, but very unwelcome. I didn’t know how to even begin thwarting it, and he fucking knew that.

“Come on, then.” He opened his arms. “Pull the trigger, kid. Shoot me down.”

I looked into his eyes, reading the challenge there clear as day. The moment I pulled the trigger and hit any part of him, the others would pounce. They’d already tried attacking separately once before; they would not make the same mistake twice.

We were both within striking range, both able to absolutely ruin the other’s day. But still we remained, unmoving, staring the other down. Locked in a battle of wits, a battle which neither party was going to give up easily. There was too much at stake to walk away.

We both wanted answers. The only question was… who wanted them more?

Tom stepped into my field of view, slowly. “Shadow, just drop the gun, yeah?” he tried, a hand reaching out. “Ya can’t hurt us.”

“Don’t mistake my inaction for inability,” I growled, not taking my eyes off Allan. “I know my way around a gun.”

“It’s not that. You don’t want to pull that trigger, trust me.”

Neil and Hobbs were cautiously approaching now too, staying back at a gesture from Allan. The first mate didn’t take his eyes from me, however.

They were way too calm considering I had a loaded gun. Or…

My eyes widened.

Did I?

Grabbing the slide, I aimed away from Allan and looked inside to find an empty chamber. Ejecting the clip, I found it to also be empty.

They weren’t scared of the gun because there was no reason to be scared of it. It was useless, unless I threw it at one of them. That wouldn’t do any good.

“You gotta be shittin’ me!” I whined, dropping the gun.

Allan reached out with his foot and slid the gun behind him, where Ollie picked it up. “Tough luck, kid.”

“Shut up,” I grumbled.

“It’d be best if ya just came with us,” Tom said, stepping forward only to stop when I shifted into a fighting stance and brought my guard up.

“Er, not a good idea,” Neil said, shaking his head. “Can’t win a boxin’ match wit’ Tom, Shortie. You got lucky he grabbed you. He usually just punches.”

“A, I’m taller than him,” I grumbled, gesturing at Hobbs and earning a venomous glare. “B, I know I can’t beat him.” I looked between the men, heart pounding against my ribs. “But I sure as hell can make you wish you left me alone.”

Dismay crossed Tom’s face. “Doesn’t ‘ave to be like this.”

I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as I prepared to go down fighting. “We both know it does. Unless you let me walk outta here.” I smiled humorlessly. “And that clearly ain’t happenin’.”

Dream or not, this was gonna hurt. Emotionally, and physically. Getting beat up by Tom was not something I ever wanted to go through. Something told me he would take it relatively easy on me, but even a light yet solid hit to the diaphragm from him would take me down. If I was bad at grappling, boxing was even worse.

And we already established I wouldn’t be able to hurt him.

“We won’t ask again, kid,” Allan warned as the men all took a step toward me. “This has gone on long enough.” There was no smile on his face and no amused tolerance in his voice with his next command. “Stand down.”

I shook my head. “No. Y’all square up.”

“Yoooo, Shadow!”

We all looked up, fight briefly paused, and rage filled me as I saw Trevor looking down at us from the roof.

“You miserable and worthless list of terms and conditions!” I hissed. “Get your ass down here so I can at least fuck up your face ‘fore I’m torn to bits!”

He laughed. “What, after I was gonna offer you an escape?”

“Oh yeah?” I gestured angrily at the sailors. “Little late!”

“Not really! Got a little magic trick!”

“Now ain’t the time for games!”

“Not a game! Watch!” He threw a small sphere at us. “Abracadabra!”

It bounced off a crate and landed at my feet, making the men jump back.

“Grenade!”

A hiss and explosion of smoke later thankfully disproved Neil’s initial theory, but left us all with sore throats and watery eyes.

Not that it stopped one sailor.

A shoulder slammed into my stomach, driving me back into the wall. I brought my elbow down, hitting the tender spot between the shoulder blade and neck, but the man grabbed me as he fell and we both went down. Arms tightened around my middle, whoever it was trying to pin me to the ground.

Allan, judging by the feel of rolled up sleeves.

He brought his full weight down, nearly knocking the breath from me and almost causing my arms to buckle. The man was heavy! A hand grabbed one elbow, yanking it back, and down I went. I rolled as I fell, teeth aimed for his shoulder. I missed the bulk of it, but managed to at least catch the cloth.

Tasted and smelled heavily like tobacco and what I assumed was some time of smokey yet slightly sweet alcohol. Bourbon, maybe?

Writer brain off, Fighter brain on!

“Damn it all, kid, quit bitin’!” came the raspy yell, but I couldn’t tell if it was anger or smoke that caused his tone.

“Nien!” I growled through a mouthful of shirt.

He rolled us both out of the alley onto the sidewalk, out of the smoke. I ended up on top as we came to a stop right by the curb, but before I could strike, a hand snatched my arm and dragged me away from Allan.

“Time to go, Shadow!”

“Trevor?! Get off-!”

“Let’s go, let’s go, no time for slow!” Trevor sang, yanking me to my feet before turning to Allan. The hair all along my body stood on end before Trevor hit him smack in the chest with a small blast of lightning.

It sent Allan back to the sidewalk, and damn near sent me into shock.

“Trevor, are you tryin’ to fuckin’ kill him?!” I screamed, frozen as Allan laid groaning on the ground.

“Relax, he’s fine!” Trevor yanked me down the road, away from the alley and the docks. “C’mon!”

Giving one last look at Allan, who was indeed slowly recovering and coming back up on one knee, I turned and followed Trevor away from the scene.