#this is what wine does to me ig

[inquisimer]

for dadwc, with merrill and neria!!! late-night/sleep-deprived conversations from the platonic list

okay I SWEAR I looked at this and was like "oh sweet fluff, they get drunk and chat on the rooftop or smthn"

but THEN my brain veered into angst for SOME reason this isn't even CANON bc Neria leaves Kirkwall before Act III adfsjkl

ANYWAY idk if it even fills the prompt but it's prompt adjacent???

cw: clan death specifically child death (non graphic), mourning, grief

for @dadrunkwriting

~~~

Falon’Din called for Merrill to bury each of her Clan and plant a sapling over their corpses, but the rocky soil of Sundermount lent itself to neither digging nor growth. There were more bodies than they had time to bury, anyhow.

Hawke didn’t stay. She muttered excuses about ‘appearances’ and keeping an appointment with the Knight Commander, but it was all too clear how the ghosts of Carver and Leandra danced on the pale skin of the Dalish and, simultaneously, how she help Merrill at fault for their demise. Fenris and Anders followed in her wake, united for once by their disgust and righteous spite over Merrill’s outcome.

“Ria?” Anders paused, tucked his chin into his shoulder to look at her from the corner of his eye. Neria had not moved when Hawke drew the party away; she remained, the only safe bastion amidst the trampled ferns and splintered aravels and blood. Merrill rested at her feet, a child’s head cradled in her lap, unseeing eyes staring up into the elf’s tear-glazed ones.

“Why, da’len, why why why?” She whispered, pressing her forehead against theirs. Mindless of the wound still openly weeping against her side, she clutched their body to her own and let salty tears dribble from her chin down their already cooling skin. “Why?”

“Go.” Neria didn’t look at Anders as she spoke. “Take your judgment and cowardice and run, tail tucked back to the city. I have a friend to help. You were familiar with the concept, once.”

“I still am,” Anders argued, even as Mari grasped his wrist and held him from Neria’s side. “But even you have to admit—“

“Go, Anders,” she spat through clenched teeth. “And do not presume to tell me what I must do.”

Hawke tugged more insistently on his wrist and Fenris huffed impatiently; Anders gave in—he always did—and followed his lover back to their segregated accommodations.

Neria stayed with Merrill. She sank to her knees and wrapped her friend in a vice-like embrace, stroking her arms where her sleeves were tattered and torn away and combing through her hair, crusted with blood and gore. She brushed the tears away and conjured moisturizer to fend off the swelling, refilled Merrill’s water skin as many times as she needed to sate her thirst.

The sun set and rose over the niche Clan Sabre had carved out on Sundermount. And it rose and set again. Merrill and Neria moved along the slope, from corpse to corpse, until the former had both cried out her guilt and regret and mustered the composure to speak the last rites into the frigid mountain air. When the last elf had been blessed with the appropriate prayer, the pair collapsed against a half-shredded aravel wheel, clutching at each other like they would drown otherwise.

“Falon,” Merrill whispered. “What can I do?”

Neria knew nothing of Dalish burial rites. She traced her fingertips in a light circuit up Merrill’s arms, across her vallaslin, over the tips of her ears, and back again. She knew nothing—but she knew enough from context clues to know that whatever the proper rites were, Merrill couldn’t do them.

And she knew from the desperate brokenness in her friend’s voice that she wouldn’t be able to make this decision.

“Come,” she said, injecting strength into her voice where there was none and standing with feigned assuredness. “You have not lived with your clan in some time, no? Their farewall comes from you, salgehsa, as you are. Not as you were, not as they were. We shall build a pyre and scatter their ashes about the Vhenadahl.”

“Oh,” Merrill hiccuped, jolting as she joined Neria on her feet. She swayed like she might after a particularly adventurous night at the Hanged Man and Neria steadied her, lacing their fingers together and winding her other arm around Neria’s waist.

“Easy, lethallin,” she murmured.

“I…Fenarel wouldn’t approve.”

Neria pressed her lips together, fighting back the snarky response that threatened to spill over. If Fenarel truly cared of what happened to his clan—to their bodies—he wouldn’t have run like a coward while they screamed—he wouldn’t have attacked Merrill in the first place.

But that wasn’t what Merrill needed to hear. Not now, not yet, maybe not ever.

“Fenarel isn’t here,” she said gently, as lightly as she could, fighting the implications that threatened her tone. “We have to choose. You have to choose. For your family.”

Merrill hiccuped again and Neria pulled her tight against her side, as though she could fend off the dry heaves through grip alone.

“I…” she finally managed, voice waterlogged and muffled against Neria’s soiled armor. “Yes, it’s a good idea. They’ll find better life in the Vhenadahl than they would in this wretched place.”

So they built the pyre.

Neria trekked out to the Wounded Coast and back a few times, hauling large bundles of driftwood in magical tethers until they’d constructed a platform large enough to hold the causalties. Together they placed each body atop it—stopping first to change them into clean clothes, fold their hands over their chests, close their eyes so they might be sleeping. The pile grew to the point where the had to stand on the construction to reach the top, but Merrill was out of tears for the moment. She wore a mask as convincing as any Orlesian, as though her very face had been carved from marble and placed over her actual skin.

Until they joined hands to light the pyre.

Their palms pressed together and they both drew on the Fade, intertwining their mana and bringing forth a spark that ignited the fire with more than flame; Regret and Desire and Despair flowed through their fingers, turning the flame from orange to blue to purple to indigo. The magical fire swirled about the corpses much like regular flames would; but the color was a reminder: they should be alive fault it is your fault they are not.

Merrill’s mask shattered in a thousand pieces.

Neria caught her before she face-planted into the pire and coaxed her into a seated puddle before the pyre. She gathered Merrill’s jelly-like form in a bundle and held her against her comparably smaller frame. Her hair, tugged loose from its binding, fell around Merrill’s head like a curtain and she rocked the both of them to the terrible sparking of burning corpses.

She stretched her mind to the handwritted tomes they’d secreted out of Irving’s personal library—the books deemed “dangerous” or “corrupting” for apprentices. This one spoke to the Dalish; their culture and practices and methods for managing mages. Solona brought it to her in a brief moment of but what if this was your life escapism.

“Falon’Din enaste,” she murmured, clearing her throat against the encroaching smoke. “O Falon’Din, Lethanavir, Friend of the Dead. Guide my feet, calm my soul. Lead me to my rest.”

The words steadied Merrill and her hiccuping breaths evened out, much to Neria’s relief.

“Falon’Din enaste,” she echoed, still squeezing her eyes against hot tears but turning her face toward the dying pyre. “O Falon’Din, Lethanavir, Friend of the Dead. Guide my feet, calm my soul. Lead me to my rest.”

Neria squeezed where her fingers gripped Neria’s arms and they said the words again, together. And again, and again. Until they’d said them once for each body they’d laid upon the fire.

They would need to find a pot and gather the ashes, and no doubt Hawke had wrecked a significant amount of havoc in the city, even in just the few days they’d spent adrift on the mountain. But that would all wait, if it took Neria’s last breath to hold it back.

To mourn on the run was no way to mourn at all, as Neria knew all to well. She held Merrill and dribbled water into her mouth and brought her berries and hummed her tunes and farewells when her sobbing faded out.

The world waited for no one, it was true. But it would wait for Merrill to grieve, or it would have Neria to answer to.

[just-some-random-blogger]

I NEED MORE CREGAN STARKKKKK

Pelts

You were not one to grow jealous, but the knowledge that Lord Stark's favorite pelt cloak was a gift of affection from his old sweetheart inspired anything but affection from you.

Cregan Stark x Reader | 1k+ | cw: fem!reader, wife!reader, jealousy, pettiness, fluff, a bit of angst ig????, etc.

A/N: hey nonnie im honored you like my cregan stuff. this is my first req since closing them. i feel like perhaps this is the world telling me i need to start writing fluff again............ lol HAHAH

The Lord of Winterfell had just arrived. Normally, I would meet him with a smile and brush the snow from his shoulders before warming his cheeks with the heat from my own palm. But today, neither did I brush the snow from his cloak, nor did I rub his cheeks. How irritating that he did not see to mind or even notice.

I do not fault him for lapping his meal like a starved beast. He rarely has time to have a proper meal when he is working, let alone when his duty calls him all the way up to The Wall for days on end. And yet, as he gobbled up his food, as though he was denied his whole life, my own appetite left me at the sight.

His tongue swiped the corner of his mouth and yet evidence of his meal remained. He chewed eagerly as he reached out for a cup of wine to wash everything down.

I could not help the face I made at the sound of his belch.

Only then did he recognize me. He sets his cup down, "wife," says Cregan, "you are not eating."

I raise my brows and press my lips into a smile, "I am not hungry, my lord."

My lord. Cregan straightens up from his seat and leans back. He clears his throat as his face twists warily, "are you well?"

I do not respond. I rest my hands upon the table. The candlelight between us flickers momentarily.

He gulps and sets his utensils down. He sighs slowly, "have I offended?"

I clench my hands tightly.

Cregan's eyes flicker to them. He wipes his mouth with a napkin and looks up at me. He does not like that my expression remains the same.

"Your pelt... milord," I mutter.

Immediately, the pelt upon his shoulders feel like a tonne. He rolls his shoulders back and immediately undoes it, "forgive me. It is inappropriate to have it on while-"

"Who gifted it to you?"

He freezes midway. He waits for me continue as he slowly places his cloak upon his lap. His eyes widen slightly, in confusion, in alarm. Was it a gift? He does not recall.

His silence is aggravating. I clench my jaw and lean forward, "do you not wish to tell me?"

Cregan opens his mouth.

"She told me herself."

A line forms between his brows, "who?"

"Lady Tallart."

He pinches his lips together. Lady Tallart? It could not be Edmond Tallart's mother who gifted this. It must be his wife... but which house did she belong to before she was wed?

He looks as though he is trying to recall the instance, the exact moment wherein his cloak was given to him. Somehow, the arduous recollection spurs me further into animosity. I growl, "do you truly not remember?"

He shakes his head, "I do not."

I clear my throat and push myself up from my seat.

Cregan stands quickly, so quickly, in fact, that his chair falls behind him with a loud thud, not that he cares. He calls my name out with concern and it makes me snap.

"I would appreciate it if you chose another cloak to wear."

The man walks over to me, forcing me to lift my gaze upon his worried face. I raise a hand at him before he can think to touch my arm. He withholds his touch.

"Cassandra and I had a cloak tailored in your absence. If it pleases you, you should wear it. However, if it is not to your taste, I can-"

"It is my taste," he interrupts. He nods his head, "the pick of my wife is my taste. I will wear it"

The glow of candlelight on Cregan's cheek makes my stomach roll. Bile rises up from my throat as his brows furrow in nothing but further concern.

"I care little for what I wear," he casts his cloak off to the side, "I care more for what concerns you."

My irritation over the matter bursts into embarrassment in an instant. A burning sensation creeps up from behind me, and soon I can no longer look upon my husband. I look back to the candle on the table and rashly gather my food. Before Cregan can speak, I mutter under my breath, "please enjoy your food, husband."

There's little he can do but watch as I rush off. Two wolves battle inside him, one that wishes to chase after, and another that keeps him still where he stands. Just as he is about to obey the former, the servant girl, Cassandra, comes up to him, "milord. Might I speak my piece?"

He watches as his wife disappears and sighs. He turns to Cassandra, "speak it."

She frowns, "milady has spent the three nights you were away making you a cloak herself."

"Has she?" his brows tighten.

Cassandra nods, "but her needlework is not as good as she wished, which is why she bought you this, milord," she hands him a neatly folded cloak.

Cregan takes it from her and sighs deeply. He unfolds the garb and inspects his wife's gift. He hangs the fabric on his arm and releases another breath, "will you show me my wife's needlework?"

Cassandra looks apprehensive, but she obeys her lord.

The next morning, I rouse to an empty bed. A thousand pins prick my heart, but I have no one to blame but myself for the turn of events.

I sit with myself, all lonesome, before deciding to begin my day. But just before I can dress myself, I hear a commotion from outside my window. I gasp when I see that there had been a buck who wandered inside the stronghold, running around in panic.

I wrap myself with a shawl before opening my window, watching how my husband and his men were trying to scare the deer towards the gate. Soon enough, my jaw drops at the sight of the horrid thing resting upon Cregan's shoulders as he maneuvered around the large creature.

Thankfully, it did not take the deer long to find the exit of Winterfell. The men share relieved sighs and laughter amongst themselves, as did I.

"My lord!"

Cregan, who was now calming down one of the spooked horses, does not hear me.

"My lord!" I call louder, gaining the attention of someone else.

Cregan is pat on the back. A man points skyward. He looks over his shoulder, face brightening at the sight of me. "Lady Stark," Cregan smiles, offering me a nod, "did we wake you?"

I shake my head, "what are you wearing?"

He turns to me and adjusts his lopsided cloak. The thing was hardly even worthy to be called one with how one hem barely met the man's calf and how one shoulder was far fuller than the other. He calls out proudly, "the work of my wife's hands!"

My face contorts, "it is horrid! Remove it at once."

Cregan pulls his head back, "I shall do no such thing."

"I bought you-"

"But I enjoy this," he lifts an arm to flaunt the terrible craftsmanship, "it keeps me warm and it suits me well."

"It does not!"

Cregan furrows his brows in challenge, "does it take away from my handsomeness, wife?"

I press my lips into a line.

The men around him chortle or snigger. Even mine own lips cannot help the chuckle that spills out. And though he was far, I could tell Cregan was awfully pleased with himself.

"If you wish to rid me of this, then you must do so yourself," he strokes the horse's snout, "but know you are challenging the Warden of the North as you do."

I roll my eyes and shake my head, "it is the work of my hands, Lord Stark."

"Which is why you must not rid me of it, my Lady Stark."

We stare at each other for a moment. Cregan's lips curl into a lopsided grin that matches his cloak. I sigh and shake my head once more, "we will speak of this later."

He nods, "as you wish, my love."

I clear my throat and close the window, ignoring the way my belly tumbled at the sound of his pet name.

[pbnbucks]

can you please do a blurb when the reader wants attention but paige is on fortnight so the reader takes action and eats her out while she is playing and ice hears the noises she making.

also i love you stories🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾

word count : 737

warnings : smut, sorta public ig, paige w a strap.

summary : you get caught by ice, which makes paige angry

“paige can you get off the game please” the girl in front of you sits in her purple gaming chair not removing her eyes nor does she notice that your there or talking to her

“ice bro your selling” you grab the head set off of her giving her a dirty look “oh, hey mamas” you roll your eyes at the girl

“p get off the game please can we go to bed?” she grabs her headphones back from you putting them on shooing you off “yea just give me 15 minutes, stop acting so needy”

your taken back by her response wanting nothing to do with you. you didn’t care that ice could hear, you knew exactly what you needed to do.

you found yourself on your knees crawling under paige’s desk slowly slipping your hands under paige’s waistband of her sweats sliding them half way down placing kitten licks on her clit receiving a look and soft moan as you hears the distant voice of ice

“i didn’t hear anything ice just focus on the game” you giggle at her response trying so hard not to let out a noise as your lapping her wet cunt spreading her legs out farther

“so wet for me” you skilled hands find a way to slip up her shirt as you playfully pinch her hard nipples seeing her face twist and turn giving u the reaction you wanted you take your right hand out from under her shirt as two of your fingers easy slip in to her tight hole making her unable to contain her moans receiving a laugh from you

you hear ices muffled voice through the headphones saying ‘AYOOO’ causing paige to rip of her headphones and leave the game.

“fuck- get on the bed” you scurry from under the desk getting on the bed as she goes to your shared dresser pulling the drawer out grabbing the strap and shutting it loudly so it would purposely make a sound to make you know she was angry.

next thing you know shes fully on you whispering in your ear as she runs her cold pointer finger up and down your bare chest

“your so in for it baby, such a bad girl for acting like a bitch in heat” her voice sends shivers down your spine as shes now spreading your legs open sparing no time as she slides the strap in to you not waiting for you to adjust as she begins her fast pace.

“you gonna act like that again?” you shake your head quickly hoping the night wouldn’t end in a punishment, as she leaves a hard smack on your inner thigh disappointed in your response

“no i wanna hear your fucking words since you wanted to act like that” your wince as you feel the red mark forming “promise, i wont act like that” she begins to rub the spot she hit massaging it “i hate that you had to make me act like this my sweet girl” you whine as you feel her pounding in to your guts filling you up as you see stomach bulges form on your lower stomach.

“your enjoying this aren’t you, fuck” she pauses as she’s slowly turned on from the way your taking her. “yes mommy” you coo as you run your hand over her abs opening your legs wider for her. she continues to slip the pink silicone strap into your sopping cunt earning filthy embarrassing noises from your pussy.

“such a good girl” she wines at the feeling of you tugging at her hair. the known knot forming in your stomach getting tighter each thrust now burning in the middle of your stomach

“look at my cock going in and out of your pussy, look at that” she praises as the strap builds her a new face of confidence. “paige i need to cum”

she runs the back of her hand over your cheek softly. “i want you to watch as you cum all on my dick” she grabs the top of your head pushing your head to look at your lower half your two bodies combining,

as your release hits over the edge as your juices run down her strap. she helps you ride out your high as she pulls out the silicone making you wince at the emptiness. “you gonna pull that move again” you shake your head quickly as you can.

[iwrotetheilliad]

3AM

♡ Sae is mad. You’re a stubborn bitch. Put that together and that equals hate fuck

Genre: P WITHOUT P ;) also a little fluff at the end

CW: Oh lord there’s quite a bit. The biggest one is def that this entire situation is a bit toxic cuz y’all are flirting in a fight. Ig u could think of it as cheating, but I don’t so. SAE IS A BITCH. He also calls u a bitch so be warned that he is mean af. Also degradation. Slapping, hair pulling, clothes getting ripped off is also there. No prep as well. Unprotected sex babes. Theirs is also mentions of hickies and heavy making out. Sae manhandles you a bit. THAT SHOULD BE ALL THE TRIGGERING CONTENT MATERIAL BUT BE WARNED THAT THIS IS SMUT SO PLS PROCEED WITH CAUTION!!

Characters: Sae Itoshi

A/N: thé sae brain rot has been BAD. Like there was so much in my head, so this fic is honestly just like, a small portion of the smutty thoughts and hcs I’ve had. I’ll probably write more if this does well!

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Sae demands.

“Oh please,” you scoff, tossing your black clutch purse onto the bed. “There is nothing wrong with me, she had it coming.”

You whip your head around to face your husband. He stands in the doorway, his white shirt slightly unbuttoned, letting some of his collar bone peak out at you. Anger and jealousy flood throughout your body again at the thought of what that cunt did. You can practically see the line she traced with her nail across Sae’s neck. To get back at her, you had pretended to bump into her, practically tossing you wine all over her. It was a shame honestly- because of her inability to take a hint, her pristine white dress left the body with a giant wine stain adorning her side. Good thing you wore a black dress. It just looked like someone’s spilt water on you.

still the way you spilled the wine was very obvious. What can you say? Acting’s never been your strong suit. People were bound to notice, and although no one said it to your face, it’s obvious that they knew you’d done it on purpose.

it’s fine, after all, if they were in your situation they would’ve done the same.

“Y/N,” Sae groaned tearing off his overcoat. “You can’t just ruin-”

“The dress was ruined the moment it touched her skin.”

“You are fucking horrible.”

“No, Sae! You know what’s horrible? You did absolutely nothing to stop her!” You shout storming towards him.

“Oh shut up, yes I did,” he replies, shoving past you.

“Oh I’m sure that tent you have in your pants was trying very hard to shove her away from you,” you roll your eyes, pursuing him.

You knew right know was not the time, but Sae’s back looked very nice in that shirt. It hugged his muscles in all the right ways.

“Are you insane?” He growls, spinning around to stare you down. You didn’t back down though, sizing up to his gaze.

“I fucking wish,” you say just as lowly. “Look, it’s still there.”

You cast your eyes down to where his dick was in fact pressing up against his pants. It looked uncomfortable, and if the night had gone any better, you would’ve loved to help him, but right now, sex did not seem anywhere within your near future.

“You’re actually fucking mental,” Sae rolls his eyes, straightening himself out. “I cannot stand you when your like this.”

“You can’t stand me?!”

“No!”

“Sae! She was flirting with you. That bitch was unashamed and practically choking you in the middle of the hall!” You scream. “You are so frustrating sometimes. You cannot say that you can’t stand me, when you’re like this!”

“Like what?”

Hot.

“Oblivious.”

“Better than being a jealous bitch.”

“The fuck did you just call me?” You ask, stalking towards him like you’re about to pounce on your prey.

Sae didn’t move, just stared down into your eyes as you two came chest to chest.

“You heard me,” he muttered hotly.

From being this close, you can see something you weren’t able to recognize just moments ago. Sae’s pupils had blown up, almost completely block the aqua of his irises. His breath was hot against your face, and his lips were such a pretty pink-red color. His hair was pushed off to the side, making him look so much more handsome than he did normally. It was all so much, and you couldn’t tell if the sudden feeling in your blood was lust, anger, or a weird mix of both.

“Fucking try saying that shit again,” you mutter lowly.

He shivers. “You are such a fucking bitch.”

His hands slowly traces curves through the skintight fabric. They travel up your ass to the small of your back, and then slide back down to the swell of your ass. He offers a light squeeze, before leaning over you.

“You,” he begins, “are such a jealous. Fucking. Bitch.”

You hands move on their own accord, shoving Sae back onto the bed. Shock doesn’t last long in him though, because just moments later, you’re falling on top of him. Your arms wrap around his neck, and the swell of his dick is pressing against panties you wear underneath this dress. His hands stop balancing himself, and he reaches up to drag them all over your body. He starts rubbing them over your back, before moving down to your ass. He gropes them unabashedly now, guiding them over his crotch. His left one stays leading your ministrations, and his right hand goes up to your scalp. Grabbing a handful of hair, he pulls you back, a string of saliva lingering between your mouth as you pant. Your eyes are lidded as you stare into his. There is not a single doubt in your mind right now that you look like a fucking whore, and you know he’s thinking the same thing.

Sae pulls your hair again, this time making your head tilt back. You raunchily moan out, and his mouth immediately finds a new home on your neck.

“You are such a dick,” you gasp out as he sucks hickies into your skin. “Mmmmmm.”

“Yeah?” He growls, pulling away from you. “I’m a fucking dick huh?” He releases your hair to slap your ass. “I’m a fucking dick? Dirty bitch.”

His other hand slaps your ass again. Moans break free from your throat, involuntarily, of course. “Yes,” you whimper. “You’re so fucking horrible.”

Sae lifts you off the bed with absolutely no effort whatsoever. It’s infuriating how strong he is. His lips find yours again and soon enough, the kisses devolve into something sloppy. You hear the bed creak again, as Sae kneels onto it. He drops you onto the mattress of a sudden.

You land on your side, with your left leg hiked up over your right one. You lean on your right forearm and push yourself up with your left hand. You toss your hair over your shoulder and glare at him.

“What’s wrong?” you sneer, “afraid that your gonna cum in your pants like a fucking virgin?”

Sae is quick to lean over you, continuing the messy kisses. He shoves you down so that you’re entirely on your stomach now, and with his free arm, pulls your ass into the air. He pulls your dress over your butt, revealing the lacy black underwear you’re clad in.

“Me? Cum in my pants?” He growls. “With how wet you are, you might as well have already came.” He leans down to lick up your pussy through your panties, further wetting the already soaked fabric. “Might as well just leave you like this huh? Since you already fucking finished.”

Desperate thoughts want you to scream at him to not, but your stubborn ass decides against that. “And what? Jerk off in the bathroom? You’d still be imagining me in there.”

Sae backs away from you, and grabs the top of the back of the dress. He pulls, and you are now just sitting on all fours. You’re confused as to what he’s doing, before he grabs the same spot with the other hand. Soon, there’s a loud riiippp, and the fabric falls off your body in one giant piece.

“That was fucking expensive,” you growl, as Sae flips you onto your back.

“As if a cunt like you pays attention to the price of shit. I’ve spoiled you too much huh? You need a good lesson.”

You gulp, but still try to mask your fear. “What are you gonna do?”

His left hand traces your neckline, before wrapping tightly around the bruise littered column. “Maybe I will just leave you here like this,” he muses. “Your pussy soaking wet, begging for my cock.”

“Then I’d just cum myself,” you laugh sinisterly. “I’m thinking I’ll get off to Ryusei in my mind what do you think.”

Another loud crack echoes through the room, but now the sting isn’t in your ass. You cheek burns as you yelp. Sae backhands you next, creating to bright red glows on your face.

“You bitch,” his voice sounds demonic, like he’s two seconds away from becoming evil.

“You were gonna be the one leaving me here needy!” You cry out, trying to lean up. His hand on your neck pushes you back down though.

“Shut up.” Another loud rip, and your pussy is suddenly exposed to the world. The cold air is oddly nice. “I’m gonna make you regret everything you’ve said.”

“You can’t do that.”

“If you cum,” he starts. His hand traces your lips, and his voice grows a mockingly gentle as he whispers, “I’ll tie you up to the headboard, stick a vibrator against that clit, and drain you dry until your begging and screaming and crying yourself hoarse. Ok, baby?”

The pet name is new. Normally when you two hate fuck, he ignores all of them, but the sudden presence of it makes you realize that your actually in deep shit right now.

“Do your worst,” you command.

Sae doesn’t even prep you. He undoes his belt with one hand, unbuttons his pants with the other, and swiftly drags them down with his underwear. His dick springs out, hard, pink, leaking precum. You want to suck his dick so bad, make him feel so fucking good, but you push that urge down.

He lines himself up against your pussy, and in one move, starts fucking you ruthlessly. He’s going fast, he’s going hard, he’s doing everything that he needs to be doing to make pleasure erupt in your body like only he can.

Moans tumble from your lips but you literally do not care whatsoever that this is your admitting to him making you feel good. That stubbornness is quite literally being fucked out of you, and right now your perfectly ok with it.

“S-s-sae…”

“Hm?” He hums shakily from above you. “Do you need to come already?”

Never mind, the stubbornness is back.

“N-no. I just wanted to tell you that you can’t fuck to save your life.”

Somehow, he gets faster and harder. You hadn’t even thought that possible, yet here you are, getting your shit absolutely rocked.

“Really?” Sae mocks as you whimper louder.

“Yes,” you reply, not daring to back down.

Sae doesn’t say anything else, content to just let you go insane on his cock, however much you try to deny it. He can tell when you’re close. He’s fucked you so many times that he’s memorized every tell that your body has to offer. Right now, your eyes are becoming heavy, almost looking like you’re about to fall asleep. They’re also turning super glossy, despite no tears falling. When he feels your hole repeatedly clamping onto him without letting go, making yourself feel even more tight, he knows your going to cum.

“You can’t cum baby,” he growls.

“O-ok, I wasn’t going to,” you sigh as he continues screwing you.

“Good job,” he says mockingly.

You don’t miss the sarcasm drowning his words, and somehow, you find the strength in you to reach up and slap him. When he doesn’t say anything, you backhand him. A couple seconds go by, before he commands, “Harder.”

You slap him again.

“Harder.”

You slap him again.

“Goddamit, I said harder bitch!”

You slap him, then yank on his hair for good measure.

“Still can’t cum,” he groans, pleasure overtaking every nerve of his body.

“Sae!” You cry when he starts ramming into just the right spot.

“No. Cumming. Baby.”

“Sae, please!” You sob. You’re trying, you really are. “Sae!”

“What is it?”

“I’m sorry!” you moan out finally. “Sae please, I’m sorry I’ve been- oh my god please Sae, please just let me cum!”

“That’s it baby. That’s all I wanted from you,” his voice suddenly saccarine sweet. “You can cum baby don’t worry.”

Your orgasm is so intense, you almost pass out. Every part of your body is lit on fire, you feel like your blood is lava. There’s it not a single inch of your body left untouched by this overwhelming pressure that does nothing but consume you. It feels like you’re drowning at the same time as flying. Your back arches and finally, you feel satisfied with something that’s happened tonight.

Sae fucks you until he comes, and the feeling is pretty much the exact same as yours. Nerve shattering pleasure follows each thrust he sends into you. His thighs shake at the end.

When he finally gets a good look at you, he watches the red painted across your skin, shining from sweat. Your hands cover your face, and a twinge of remorse stings at his heart.

“Y/N?” he hesitantly moves to touch your hand. When you don’t pull away, he lifts your hands off of your face. Your eyes stay closed though. You’re not crying which is good.

Sae sighs, and steps out of his pants. His shirt sticks to his skin with sweat, so he removed it before walking to the bathroom. Right next to it is a cabinet with towels, which he grabs a fresh one from. Going into the bathroom, he cleans himself off, dampens the towel and goes to clean you off. Your eyes are still closed, but you respond to his touch. He wipes the inside of your legs, and then chucks the towel somewhere behind him. He walks to the bedroom door, where his lounge shirt and sweatpants hang. He slides the sweatpants on, and then grabs the shirt.

“Y/N, I need you to sit up.”

Slowly, you pull yourself up. Sae pulls the shirt over you, and you adjust your arms through the sleeves. It’s only after that do you open your eyes to look at him.

Your eyes have darkens but a little bit of light still reflects in them. You look exhausted though, which he supposes is only fair.

“Sae…” you whisper, collapsing against his body. He wraps his arm around you, hugging you firmly against him.

“I’m sorry too,” he mutters. “I shouldn’t have… encouraged, I guess, what she was doing.”

You’re silent for a few beats, before murmuring, “It’s ok.”

“No it’s not.”

“To me it is now,” you say, leaning back to look him in the eyes.”

“Why?” He snorts. “Cuz we fucked.”

“Because you apologized,” you roll your eyes. “That’s all that I wanted.”

You end up falling asleep against Sae and when you wake up, the two of you are curled up underneath a blanket on the couch. Figures, the bed was probably messy. After all, it always is after your 3 AM activities.

A/N: Goddam.

[partycatty]

kenshi > read my mind

sitting across the table from your boyfriend at sun do's royal dinner, filling his mind with terrible images...

warnings: ur a horndog, exhibitionism ig, SWITCH KENSHI NATION RISE UP!

notes: this was inspired by @crimsonbubble 's post about kenshi's telepathy... absolute genius... also please pretend he's got sento here or something idfk just bear with me please i'm in heat LMAO. funny side note i had to rewrite this after finishing it to tweak some details, namely that i forgot kenshi CANNOT FUCKING SEE.

[ masterlist ]

• there was a mutual agreement between you and kenshi, no funny business in outworld lest the entirety of earthrealm be damned to your reputation. this was a doable task, you and kenshi were disciplined and well-mannered, like two cute little peas in a very stoic pod.

• however, when you're sat at the long table, syzoth on your left and johnny on your right as you tear apart a roasted bird, you find yourself salivating at the sight of kenshi swirl a glass of red wine with interest. how is it that everything he does is so effortlessly sexy? your chewing slows and you swallow thickly.

• kenshi must have felt your burning gaze, considering his familiarity with it, and his head flicks up to meet yours.

• you look really hot tonight, you try to think as coherently as you can but your mind wanders faster than you can control, and you're envisioning kenshi throwing that roasted bird and glassware to the floor as he fucks you stupid there and then, using your hole as his personal stress relief as he pins you hard to the table. kenshi chokes on his wine, fists clenching as his head tilts downward to avoid staring at you and spiraling his own mind any further.

• the illuminated figures of his friends surrounding kenshi don't seem to pick up on his flushed state, too entranced in their meals to properly notice anything off.

• what's the matter? you toy with him innocently, leaning over the table to tear the leg from the bird and let your breasts spill out and settle atop the table. how he wishes he could see the flush of your skin, the way your outfit compliments your figure so well. don't get too heated, someone will notice.

• you stick your finger in your mouth, sucking away the flavor of the food as you look directly at him with low lids. you had to commit to this, whatever your goal was it surely couldn't have ended well for you.

• there was so much room under the table, a dark part of you snickers as you envision crawling under the table and freeing his surely solid cock, swirling your tongue around his tip and digging your nails into his thigh, reminding him to keep quiet.

• "stop," kenshi mouths at you, shoulders tense as the spirits probe your mind and fill him with evil thoughts. you reach your foot underneath the tablecloth and confirm what you suspected when your sole pressed into his bulge, making him gasp before covering his mouth.

• seems like you don't want me to, you coo into his mind, applying just enough pressure to make him jump. you're all hard and needy for me, aren't you? wish you could just fuck my pretty pussy until i'm nothing more than a drooling mess?

• syzoth is startled by kenshi's thighs bumping the table, brows knitting as he eyes down kenshi's shivery state. "are you alright?" he inquires, tilting his head.

• "no need to worry, syzoth," you insist, while simultaneously conjuring up images of kenshi stuffing his inked fingers so deep in your cunt you cream over them. "kenshi is just a little under the weather as of late."

• your strained grin seems to convince him well enough to drop the subject, turning back to his plate of bugs. your head turns, now grinning at your extremely flustered boyfriend.

• "stop it," he mouths again, squeezing your foot between his thighs. that does nothing, of course, as he immediately is flooded once again with your thoughts of settling between his thighs, squishing your cheek on one while pumping his length with a hand. his throat clears, maybe a bit louder than intended.

• i want you so bad, your lashes flutter, your food a forgotten part of the process. you make me so wet, kenshi, it's so hard to focus when i just want you to use me.

• you giggle to yourself. kenshi's cock is so strained against his dress pants he wondered if he might just pass out or break his zipper. the thoughts of him splitting you open make your own thighs clench, rubbing together to release any tension you'd built. your panties undoubtedly damp, clit throbbing and needy, all of which you project into his head with a sly grin.

• fuck me open on this table, you halfheartedly propose. split me and make everyone know what a whore i am for that dick, pretty boy. i'll ride you so fucking good you won't even remember your own name, is that what you want? you want my thighs around your head when you eat me out? you make me cum so hard, kenshi, you and only you gets me so horny like this, i can barely contain it.

• simultaneously dirty talking through your minds and creating images and scenes that no doubt will send you to hell was far too much for kenshi, especially in public. he stands harshly, his chair screeching against the floor which thankfully draws enough attention away from him to allow him to adjust himself quickly in his pants, tugging his top down further in hopes that somehow, someway his massive cock could be hidden enough.

• "please excuse me," kenshi mutters, bowing deeply. "i believe i am unwell."

• "could we offer you anything?" kitana stands with him, eyes wide with concern. "tea, perhaps—?"

• kenshi bows his head, shaking it slightly. "that won't be necessary princess, though i appreciate it."

• after everyone finishes exchanging funny looks, nobody seems to really notice the sly glint in your eye as your head follows his movements. he walks around the table, having to pass you in the process. his hands sweep behind your hair and cup the back of your neck gently as he leans down to mumble something in your ear. nobody thinks to question the gesture, as it is common knowledge you two were together. what he says though, is so heinous you hope outworld abilities don't include superhearing.

• "you're fucking done for," he mutters, nails digging into the sides of your neck ever so slightly. "you're paying for making me this hard later."

• he pulls away before you could even consider replying, walking off as the click of his dress shoes lessen in volume. the dinner resumes, though johnny leans into your other ear.

• "what's his problem?" johnny asks obliviously, watching kenshi exit. "he's always got a stick up his ass... no offense."

• "none taken," you reply sweetly, turning to face him. "i believe he's just feeling a little sickly."

• "outworld germs?" johnny chuckles, leaning back in his chair. you shrug, looking at the bird again.

• "maybe it was the food."

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

staged but i've never watched it and i'm drunk

hello mascot good omens mascot here okay so THE STAGED LIVESTREAAM IS ON SATURDAY BTW. That is a thing that is happening. So. You know. If you're above 18 because @thescholarlystrumpet (and I ig) are responaible adults come and like. Join us. Watch me react to staged and probably die. i'Ll probably share details when I'm not drunk and when it's not nearing midnight.

But until then I'm drinking battery acid (this red wine cost like the equivalent of 2.5 USD) and I am here to summarise staged.

It's about David Tennant and Michael Sheen, who, until barely a month ago, I had no idea existed (we don't talk about Michael sneakily being in Twilight and Passengers I'm actually pretending the Twilight thing didn't happen pklease respect my denial)

It started over Zoom and it's about them rehearsing a play during COVID but like it's scripted so it's a show about rehearsing a play and it stars the actors as themselves very meta very fourth wall

David has hair extensions and Michael does not

David keeps switching locations because he has to quote Michael "twenty children" and they're everywhere. Because of this hellsite that's obsessed with David to an unhealthy level I know that this is not true, he has five children and I can probably give you details and how is this my life

Michael stays in the kitcehn and some watchers think this is a poetic choice it's not David just has to shift because humans are everywhere in his house

Georgia who is David's wife and Anna who is Michael's wife which I also know because of this hellsite both also star in it

They're all neighbours now by the way which this really creepy hellsite was DETERMINED that I know about okay thank you tumblr I'm uh that's knowledge for sure I'm sure they're having fun

Judi Dench is involved and I'm not sure who she is but she's a Dame and she's a very good actress and she's kinda intimoidating and also for some weird reason I associate her with that Cats nightmare fuel even though I didn't watch it but yeah she probably had nothing to do with it

There are three seasons and FOR SOME REAOSN EVERYONE IS CRYING AT THE END. WHY ARE YOU ALL ALWAYS CRYING WHY HAVE YOU DRAGGED ME INTO THE CRYING TOO I'M STILL CRYING OVER GOOD OMENS WHAT IS THIS NOW.

it's uh it's a comedy but I've realised now that in Britain comedy = will make you sob harder than a tragedy but will be more subtle and sneaky about it

god this wine tastes like shit i really need to make money so i can afford better alcohol. any suggestions, maggots? wait this is a summary not a life update

uhhhh the silhouette of one of david's kids appears in one of the episodes

that's all i've got i'm sorry time to go make more bad decisions I love you all byebyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee stay rotten

[maryhadalittlehobby]

Recap of IWTV Screening and Conversation at 92stY

(Please dont repost/reupload my pics or vids from here or IG anywhere else. Sharing/linkinh is ok. Thanks!)

I started the day with a fang gang meetup hosted by Black Girl Talks Fangs. The restaurant was cute and the food great. I'm not a big wine drinker but got a blood red Chateau in honor of the occasion. After, we headed over to the event space.

In my experience attending different events there, the actors typically come in just before the event starts or a few minutes into the screening.

In this case- it was both.

Eric strolled up super casual and had a convo with myself and a few other fans asking if we had read the books and what we were looking forward to. He gave a parting message that the season is amazing and he is not just saying that because he is part of it. I believe him. He was super personable and down to earth.

Delainey arrived next and again kind and generous with her time. She has a very chill energy. Her outfit was more casual this day but I thought chic and the face card never declines. Her makeup artist does her right! And can we talk about that sleek ass ponytail

She complimented my cosplay and said she thinks my beret might be the screen accurate one!

She asked to touch it and said mine was softer!

She also said Carol Cutshall gifted her the beret so she owns Claudia's.

I put this cosplay together in 3 weeks which is barely enough time. Thankfully I had the idea knocking around since October when we first saw this fit in the trailer that dropped at NYCC 23.

Myself and a few fans waited till about 15 minutes into the start of the screening before we gave up on waiting for Jam Reiderson.

While running to the screening I nearly literally ran into Rolin. I asked for a quick pic which he obliged.

The episode was amazing. Very much on par of season 1 so far. Can't wait to see the full thing. Delainey fit into Claudia seamlessly.

The panel itself was great as well. I have a few vids in my IWTV highlight on IG and a few others in an upcoming youtube video I will make AFTER the episode drops. There are some spoiler bits plus 92Y is dropping the full panel too after the ep airs.

Highlights include watching Jam Reiderson literally communicate telepathically- what was the fun on set story?!

Sam slapping Jacobs' lower inner thigh in front of god (Rolin) and everyone.

Working together is like putting on an old glove. An old sock?! Lol what. 'Is that dirty?'

Assad trauma dumping on main. "Armands lost...like me." "I'm intimidated by the cast" Sir please!

Assad also being spicy saying he thinks Armands memory of Lestat is pretty accurate. Drag him king😄

Delainey and Jacob gushing about how they immediately bonded and established their father/daughter/sibling vibes.

Eric calling Jam puppies and Jacob saying "I'm a grown man a parent"lol Sir you are a baby girl as evidenced by

Rolin saying that's a book and this is a show. To me that said was book lovers have the book and you always will but this is a new thing that respects the source but isn't tied down to every single detail.

Then Sam saying there are contradictions even within the series. Please lets talk about it.

And I love this new narrative everyone is spinning, even Sam, who seemed to be in the Lestat is right and Louis is lying boat last press go round. Now everyone is saying there is no right and wrong or truth and lies-the story is told by different people with different perspectives and that's all. Which yes! that's ALWAYS how I saw it! Just because Lestat became the main character and most favored doesn't mean he is infallible.

Jacob and that plushie. Who would have imagined he'd love it so much. Another fan was coming with their Lestat. I don't know if they had intentions of giving it to Sam but sadly they didn't make it.

After the panel I went back to the spot and aimed to get Jacobs signature on my Street of Immortality print which I managed.

I would have loved to get Sam's to but I also wanted to give other fans the chance to get photos and autos. I was already so lucky.

They signed for a loooong time. So long I thought our side wouldnt have a chance or only a few people would. Turns out fans were conducting mini interviews with them lol Someone needs to collect all the questions and answers.

Also they are the smallest cast you've ever seem. Pocketbsized. Everyone one of them is so unassuming.

Overall I had a super good time. The audience vibes were immaculate. The person beside me during the screening/panel was losing their shit then apologizing. But honestly I was here for it lol

Also you could 100% tell it was an audience full of the online fandom.

I ended the night checking out the Time Square ad. It was awesome to see our vamps represented. Hopefully we get a ton of new fans from all the amazing marketing this year.

[averyangrypossum]

Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce the

Flowerbroadcast AU!

Based on the two drawings I did of a fankid for the ship radiostatic.

The full-body one

And the one with both Vox and her

And now, I’m gonna tell you all about it and exactly who the fuck this little kid is.

Lotus is the daughter of Vox (as you can tell) and Alastor and is six years old. She was created shortly after Vox and Al broke up, oh yeah I should probably talk about their relationship status. Vox and Alastor, unlike in canon, weren’t only close friends but were dating at some point, mostly because Alastor wanted to manipulate Vox’s feelings to where he’d be more compilable but accidentally took it too far, and since Vox is a piss baby Alastor decided to entertain Vox for a while.

Was this relationship healthy?

NO!

Would Vox say these were the best years of his afterlife?

Yeah.

But anyways, in this au when Vox asks Alastor to “join his team” he was actually proposing and Alastor finally realized,

“Shit maybe this has gone out of hand” and breaks it off with Vox which leaves Vox heartbroken and with an incel breakdown. Now instead of trying to move the fuck on, he has our little darling Lotus, who he has trying to fill the hole that Alastor left.

So obviously having a child for that reason isn’t going to make you a good parent.

Lotus’ relationship with the Vees are as follows in the particular order.

1 Velvette: She does Lotus’s hair everyday and picks out outfits for her to post on her social media before Lotus immediately undos everything that Velvette does and just goes for pigtails and her nightgown. Velvette has wine aunt energy and is probably the only one of the Vees to know how to talk and get through to Lotus.

2 Valentino: Surprising I know, but Lotus doesn’t know what he does to his workers, she knows what he does for work but grew up with thinking that was just something normal since Valentino was never hush hush about his job around her much to Vox’s dismay. Valentino isn’t a big fan of children and doesn’t hang around her often, but sometimes he’ll draw along side her while bitching about a particular show she’s watching even though it’s literally made for kids.

3 Vox: Wow, how bad do you have to fuck up for a pimp who hardly spends time with her to be ranked higher than her own father?? Vox, despite making the conscious decision to have her, he isn’t around like at all. Hes a workaholic through and through, and mostly leaves her with nannies and Velvette. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t love her. Au contraire he loves her with all his heart and soul. Will give her anything except quality time. He uses her more of an accessory than a child.

Now how exactly Lotus was made is up to you.

A robotic creation Vox made? Sure!

Some voodoo magic shit? Yeah!

Some weird magic thing where she kinda just poofed into existence? Why not!

Mpreg? I mean, do what you wanna do ig?

Cuz it really doesn’t matter!

This whole au starts with Lotus running away from the Vee tower to explore hell since she's basically Rapunzel. She gets lost and terrorized by sinners until our deer Alastor rescues her. Seeing his chance to promote the hotel he takes her there where she is offered to stay there by Charlie when Lotus complains about how bad her dad is. She graciously accepts because shes only six but is going through her “My dad hates me and I hate him” era. Which I mean…I would get that impression too if I didn’t see my dad that much.

Wait my dad lives across the country…don't talk to me rn I’m busy dyeing my hair black and becoming emo 🖤

But anyways she stays there while Vox is loosing his fucking mind, and becoming more mentally unstable.

Meanwhile! She's having the time of her life with the hotel's residents and a new father figure who treats her well and pays attention to her! Alastor! Now Al doesn’t know she is his kid, but that doesn't stop him from being a better dad than Vox out of spite!

Anyways, thats all I have, for now! Stay tuned my friends~

[sgiandubh]

When clueless, silence is golden

I was just browsing around while looking for something completely different and stumbled upon this quintessential Mordorian POV:

Disclosing a username is crass and I usually never do this, unless really necessary and relevant. So spare me the ad hominem argument you usually fumble around with, Disgruntled Tumblrettes. Yet, for all its intellectual paucity, this is interesting dissection material, since clearly this person hasn't got the slightest idea of what she is so confidently talking about.

First scenario at play: The Tasting Alliance, 'a company no one has ever heard of', booked and paid for the suite.

Not necessarily booked, nor necessarily paid, madam. In the real business world you are so clueless about, these arrangements are seldom - if ever - monetized. It's rather all about barter.

That company no one ever heard about - except, perhaps, #silly and totally irrelevant Forbes (https://www.forbes.com/sites/joemicallef/2023/04/13/the-tasting-alliance-and-reserve-bar-are-set-to-launch-top-shelf/?sh=b45f7085f6f1) - is the parent company of the San Francisco World Spirits Competition (SFWSC), largely acknowledged as at least one of, if not the world's leading spirits award contest. Google is your friend, you should try it some time:

The operative info here is that this evaluation comes from the Beverage Trade Network, a professional portal for spirit dealers. Having determined this, Tasting Alliance's IG number of followers is completely irrelevant, since we are talking about two very different targets, here. Its real leverage and weight on the global market does not really need the boost of an aggressive social media presence and the kind of events it hosts are not your favorite junior hockey league or elementary school cake and bake sale.

Let's look a bit further. It takes one click to get on the Tasting Alliance's website (https://thetastingalliance.com/). Granted, not all the information you need to understand its business model is right there and I had to go dig a bit (not without some help - merci encore!) to even get a grip on how these wheels are really turning.

The way they sell themselves is sober and confident. And completely disinterested in social media impact, to be honest:

So, in lieu of glitz and sequined bras, we have a success story in its own right, which started in Frisco in 1980, then continued in 2000, with the addition of the San Francisco World Spirits Competition. Further expansion followed in 2018, with the New York World Wine & Spirits Competition and 2019, when Dias Blue set a firm foot on the emerging Asian market, with the Singapore World Spirits Competition.

I doubt an explanatory drawing is needed as to the why of this expansion choice: it's all about baijiu, the old/new Chinese sorghum spirit and the everlasting love of the Far East for anything fermented. Lao-lao, the unspeakable Laotian homemade rice whisky, comes immediately to the mind of this blogger: the last bottle I saw, somewhere along the unexploded ordnance ridden Route 13, had a plump snake inside, as a naïve Viagra of sorts. Took a mouthful and thought I was going to die - but when spending the night in a longhouse with the Tai Lü people, you can't afford a faux-pas, can you? /end of travel memories intermezzo

By all my estimations, The Tasting Alliance is very profitable business. Let's unpack ( for current fees, see source: https://callingallcontestants.com/contest/2023-san-francisco-world-spirits-competition/):

Considering the 500 USD fee /entry (550, in 2023) in the competition and the fact that in 2022 there were approximately 5000 entries in the Frisco spirits' competition, we have a very rough turnover estimation of 500x5000= 2.5 million USD. That figure is just for one of the spirits competitions, mind you, and does not take into account what the winners probably pay for the right to mention their medals on their bottles (I am yet to see them on the SS gin bottles, btw), nor the multiple sidekick profit (e-shop sales, consulting and/or other distribution deals, etc). So, at the end of the day, I would comfortably multiply that base by 4, assuming a similar scale for all the other events they organize, which takes the yearly turnover at around 10 million USD and keeping in mind this is very probably a conservative estimation. I also assume costs are negligible, taking into account the discretion with which major players traditionally operate on that particular niche. Real expenses are probably limited to the activity of a handful of offices, sparingly and intelligently staffed. Advertisement is probably bartered and social media, well... you just saw the effort, haven't you?

But then there's the brand's real power on that market and this is the right time to talk about influence and impact. Perhaps this recent (2021) Men's Journal article will help us see better: https://www.mensjournal.com/food-drink/inside-the-san-francisco-world-spirits-competition

With a bit of luck, this could happen:

Sounds familiar? Of course and I bet that was S's strategy. If you imagined him doing the same exhausting booze tour every year (groping on top and seriously cringe on the sides), I think you might want to reconsider. I told you Sassenach Summer was a sandbox for more serious things to come and until now I have no reasons to change my mind. He did it for a reason and, mind you, that reason is not that the booze did or does not sell. It does. Restaurants start to feature it. Podcasts are being produced. The press starts to mention it (that recent New York Times article is evidence enough). This is not Lucky Luciano dealing in bootleg alcohol during the Prohibition and making obscene money over a fortnight. This is a serious business project that was delayed by COVID. That's all. And it takes time and patience and consistence. We know he has all those aplenty.

We also have the totally inane take on production costs for that podcast. It suddenly made me remember again my media expert past. It is with complete and educated confidence that I tell you: a potential 5K USD extra cost for renting that damn suite for the day is peanuts, even for a two-minute clip (let alone, in reality, a podcast interview, and I stand corrected if wrong), if such costs are covered by The Tasting Alliance. But my money is on a barter with The Shutters on the Beach, which would be, again, common business practice.

Second scenario: 'Shutters comped the room for free promo (...) for an actor most people haven't heard of.' You can throw timelines down my throat as many times as you wish and tell me he already stayed there several times and yell and screech, but here is what I think. Shutters didn't comp that suite for S, an actor most people haven't heard of, a decent, hard working start-up entrepreneur. If so (I doubt it), it would be logical to think Shutters comped that suite for The Tasting Alliance, which has a long documented history of partnerships with hotels that host their competitions:

So Shutters might have comped that room for a major player of the alcohol lobby world, happy that S, a returning client, picked them out of several possible options, because it was convenient. I don't believe for a second he stayed there.

This guy knows what he's doing and C's gin success completely depends and I bet will rely on that relentless networking effort. If anything, the Keepers of the Quaich recent development is only confirmation of all the above. But that's another story - very soon on this page.

IYKYK. The rest is uneducated cackle. But Mordor people were never the brightest bulbs in the fandom's chandelier, were they?

[anbadann]

Head canons on each Gwendoline Christie Characters

(NSFW AND SFW)

———————————————————————————————————

Captain Phasma

- She’s a lover(sometimes.) Since the girls a captain, she’ll have barely time to ever do anything romantic with you.

- If she gets the chance, she’ll eat you out. As in ‘eat you out’ like there’s no tomorrow. So be prepared to get overstimulated, cuz your girl is going to get pussy drunk.

-Phasma’s a hard dom, convince me otherwise.

-Phasma would love you, totally. But when she does, it’s not like ‘pda’ kind of love. She’ll much rather write letters in her holopad on how she appreciates your existence.

-You can’t tell me that Phasma doesn’t have master/daddy kink. I MEAN LOOK AT HER.

——————————————————————

Lady Jane Murdstone

OUR GIRL DOESNT GET ENOUGH CREDIT, SHE DID AMAZING IN THE TEN MINUTES SHE GOT ON SCREEN.

-Missma’am would devour your cunt. She’ll get power drunk, pussy drunk, probably drunk herself.

-Mistress kink, obviously.

-Woman likes to tease you occasionally, depends on her mood of the day. If she does tease you, Jane would subtly touch your waist and squeeze it, surprising you.

-I’m guessing that she has knife play or likes it rough, cuz for the love of god, Jane can’t go by a day without hitting, destructing, or destroying something.

-Her hands are highly skilled. At anything, from sewing to fucking your cunt, she is a master(or mistress) at the skill. And at times, she’ll even brag about it.

-Janes LOADED. Jewels, designer dresses, the works. She’ll spend at least a few hundred dollars on you(maybe a thousand even) on one shopping trip.

——————————————————————

Jan Stevens

-This is going to be ironic(and debatable ig) but Jan doesn’t like food a lot, especially in her bed. The most she could do/want/tolerate is wine and like a charcuterie board in bed.

-Role playing, girl wants to be someone else for a bit. Being Jan Stevens is hard yk.

-Hugs, cuddles, kisses, the works. She loves it when you do that, especially the thing where you kiss her neck cuz she’s too tall for you to kiss on the lips.

-Honestly, she’s a switch. She’s giving mommy/mistress energy, but at the same time our girl needs a break from being the leader so bratty/needy bottom Jan it is.

-The needy move. OML, I can’t tell you enough on how she’ll act needy(borderline bratty) just for you to end up in bed.

-Jan is a freak in bed. If she’s a freak at her job, she’ll bring that energy to the bed. (In a good way, obv)

—————————————-

Larissa Weems

-Woman is afraid of germs. Or in other words a germaphobe. I mean, the gloves, the way she’s always kept to herself. It explains somewhat a part of her personality.

-Larissa is rich. Like rich, rich. I’m guessing that she was an only child and her parents died, leaving her with the big-ass fortune.

-Speaking of rich, Larissa is very stingy about her money, only spending it on her lover. So when you eye a necklace or bracelet, she’ll by ten.

- Mirror sex kink. I mean a mirror as her ceiling? It’s gotta count for something. Also adds a bit of spice to her sex life.

-Girls a cuddler. She loves a hug or two just to simply know that someone’s cares for her. Every once in a while she’ll ask or you’ll just simply give it to her.

-Larissa likes PDA, but to a certain level. She’s not like a full on make out session anywhere, but more like a few kisses here or there throughout the day.

————————————————

Brienne of Tarth

-Gentle giant. Brienne will act all mean and tough, but the moment she goes home and you greet her. The facade basically melts away.

-Okay, this will be debatable, but she’s a switch. At times Brienne will be a hard dom if she comes home from a rough day, or a soft dom when she wants a bit of sensual warmth. On the other hand, she’s a bottom, literally what she wants is to be loved and cared for.

-Briennes protective. It’s sort of her nature, but to her lover, it’s on a whole new level

-She loves all cuddles, every physical touch/interaction that you have with her, Brienne cherishes it. Bed cuddles, bath cuddles, morning cuddles, you name it. Also I think Brienne will sometimes switch to small spoon when she has a rough day, but otherwise she’s a big spoon.

- Woman will teach you on how to defend yourself, but never actually let you touch or use the weapons. Brienne wants to do the protecting since she thinks that only a knight could do that.(ofc she would only say that to her lover)

-Brienne doesn’t like quickies, she prefers to take her time with you. But if you seem to really want it, then she’ll do it.

[harlowtales]

Big fight between Reader x Jack on his birthday releases tension in their relationship.

⚠️ toxic dynamics 18+ only ‼️

Jack and Urban blew out the candles together on their Pokemon cake. As the candles fizzled out and left trails of smoke Jack realized you were gone. “Where is she?” He wondered concerned “Babe?” Jack called out in the hallway of the bar where the women’s washroom was trying to find you. Rumbling beats filled the dark hallway. He didn’t hear you crying until he got closer.

He knocked and pounded “Baby? You ok?” He said not 100% sure it was you in there sobbing or some other drunk girl. He pressed a diamond studded ear to the door that was reverberating from all the bass to distinguish your voice and confirm it was you. Unfortunately he was familiar with that cry.

“Y…yeah???” You said shakily through your tears

“Baby what’s wrong. You disappeared. We sang happy birthday. Urb’s worried too.” Jack said through the door

You didn’t answer. You just couldn’t deal with it anymore. With HER….with THEM. Why did they always have to be at everything Jack did. Not one time could he just not invite his exes. Always shaking their asses right in front of him. It was too much. They knew it bothered you and Jack never said anything. Just said his “friends” were playing around.

“Jack go away.” You said finally and seething with anger. “Just… leave me alone, that’s all I want now.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” Jack said banging on the door. “Is it the girls?”

“Gee how did you guess?” You said sarcastically

Jack sank down to the floor in front of the door. You were right and he knew it. He was torn between old friends and you knowing he had been with them in the past. He regretted telling you, but this was one thing he didn’t want to mess up. No lies, just straight up honesty. He knew you were the one. That being said if it was him in your shoes around guys you had been with that you kept inviting to everything, he’d lose it. “Babe I’ve told you they’re just like that.” He reasoned. He didn’t think he had to explain much as he showed you every day how he felt with hours on the phone when he didn’t really have time, gifts showing up at your door when he was gone, FaceTime no matter what time zone he was in, the wining and dining, making you the face of Phocus to bring you into the business, and not exactly hiding you when he posted on IG lately. He told you he was almost ready to go public. You didn’t know but there was an engagement ask in the works. His team was busy planning the whole thing behind the scenes. But right now tequila had kicked in and you were in no mood.

“They’re just like that?” You said angrily “Some of them have an Only Fans for fuck sakes Jack!”

“Ok but am I on it? Babe please. I don’t want to spend my birthday on the floor in front of this door. Open the door….PLEASE” he begged

“You’re on the floor?” You asked through your tears

“Yeah. You think I’m moving from here as long as you’re in there crying?” You heard him say faintly, muffled by the door and thumping beats.

You blew your nose, wiped your tears and after a few minutes you slowly opened the door. Jack stood up and hugged you tightly. “Oh my baby girl” he said holding you close and kissing the top of your head. “Don’t fucking worry about them.”

“REALLY JACKMAN? Are you seriously looking me in my eyes and saying that?” You were a mess now. Your hair was dishevelled and your mascara was smeared. You pushed him away.

“Who am I fucking with?” He said irritated and raising his voice “Why we gotta do this every time?”

“Because your guest list needs to fucking change up that’s why, cuz you fucking playing around on me I just know it, them bitches is too bold with they booty all up in your face and what the fuck do you do? Laugh. You laugh and y’all have a great time and I see they stupid asses every fucking where, like what are you thinking? You know what? Fuck this shit I’m out. For good. You know how many guys I ignore? Nice guys too. Naw this is some bullshit Jack. I’m going to get some other business because your a fucking liar!” You pounded his chest and headed for the door but he easily blocked you and locked it. You furiously tried to get out.

“Are you done because I have something to say too.” He waited for you to finish going off but you weren’t going anywhere drunk and angry on his watch. He loved you even after all the things you just said and all that he knew he was doing to show you what his intentions were. Now in this moment he was hurt and mad. “We need to talk.” He motioned to a stall.

“Oh ok you want more smoke huh?” You challenged in full gangster mode.

He locked the stall door “Turn around” He ordered.

“Fuck you.” You shot back

“Turn.” He repeated

“I said…fuck y……” Jack put his hand over your mouth and his other hand found its way up your dress and yanked down your underwear. His eyes a wild brilliant blue piercing into yours.

“Jack!” You exclaimed breathlessly as you felt his fingers abruptly enter you.

“I’m too soft all the time so you think you can disrespect me but I am not playing. Do you understand?” He breathed heavily into your ear

“Yes. I do. I swear I do Jac…..Ugghhh” You said in delicious agony. He turned you around. His entry into you was slow and not graceful. Jack was gifted and as he opened you up your legs had to adjust and do extra duty to hold you steady. He picked up speed immediately and had you in a headlock as he proceeded to pound you so hard the whole stall was shaking and creaking. Jack was never this aggressive and you were trying to make sense of what was happening.

The sounds of loud tortured moaning and rapid slapping of your flesh collided in painful pleasure echoing throughout the bathroom. You were going to cum already. The tension mounting in your core with each thrust was like how the tension between the two of you had been building for months. He felt how wet you were getting and the tightening of your grip around him. It felt so good tears welled up in your eyes out of confusing ecstasy. “Jack…Jack please!” You pleaded hanging on to the stall door. You were pinned up against him in the tiny space as he relentlessly drove straight up into you in a rhythm that communicated how dedicated he was to his pain in this moment. Every vein was tensed. He was rock hard and void of sympathy for your screams.

He had never seen you lash out like this. You complained but never had this kind of an outburst. Sometimes he wondered if you cared as much as him but there was no doubt now. He was upset you thought all those things but was highly turned on by your display of raw emotion he had been craving at the same time. You felt his beard digging into your shoulder while he concentrated on making you feel every inch of him. Everything came rushing to the surface like all of your feelings.

He loudly called out your name “Y/N!” and shot a stream of desire into the furthest part of you. He stayed in you for a bit and held onto your ass trying to steady himself in exhausted frustration and satisfaction. He was drained. He wanted to send you a strong message that every ounce of passion he possessed was for you. He was mad at himself for making you question how much you meant to him. Knocking and pounding on the bathroom door jolted both of you out of the alternate universe you had been in for all of under 10mins.

“Hello! I need to fucking pee!” The voice said faintly through the throbbing bass in the club.

Jack pulled out gasping and you pulled up your underwear. “Babe” he said heaving “Let’s not do this ok?” You nodded trying to catch your breath not able to speak. You both walked out of the bathroom fixing your clothes and you gave the girl waiting to get in a smug smirk as you walked by. “Ooops! Sorry” you said in fake sweetness “Didn’t mean to hog the bathroom.” She glared back at you and Jack who flashed her a dimpled grin and flipped her off.

It was quite obvious what you had been up to. Your hair was still a bit of a mess and Jack was tucking his shirt back into his pants and readjusting his glasses. All the girls were looking you up and down in disgust as the girl fired off a text to them about what she had just seen. “Bruh” Urban said to Jack taking him aside “She was pissed huh?”

“Not anymore” Jack said “I let her know she’s the boss of these bitches.” He said tilting his head back and taking a long sip of well deserved water. “And I’m going to be changing up the usual VIP guest list.” He said looking around him making a mental note of who was on the chopping block. He shot you a look across the bar as you bit your lip and shot him a look back. You mingled and chatted happily with his friends and family in a totally different mood. “Happy Birthday to me.” He said to himself smiling.

***Had this sitting around since his birthday not knowing what to do with it***😈💋

Tag List: Please DM to be put on, taken off, or for me to follow you✌🏾Thanks for all follows 🙏🏾

***I write family fics, sweet, drama, smut***

@jacks-daycare @killatravtramp @jackslilsecrett @jackmans-poison @jharlowsangels @a-moment-captured @comehomeimissyou @hoodharlow @hotsforharlow @heavyhitterheaux @itsyagirljaz @iheartharlow @spicypiscesthings

[agendabymooner]

london boy ! lando n. x ofc (alessandro sister!writer!ofc)

"they say 'home is where the heart is' but god i love the english."

summary: nicola grazia 'cola' alessandro just moved to britain after tilly wolff's newly opened publishing company hired her as an editor and writer, so what's a better way to get to know your new home than to tour the city with lando norris? OR everyone thinks that the mclaren driver is seeing someone... and he proved to everyone that he is- he just wouldn't show her face.

content warning: based on characters from the rush series (see masterlist), fluff, ion even know if lando's english, use of explicit language, "private but not secret" kind of relationship, colabebe is a private account, daniel ricciardo being a good brother-in-law?? events have taken place post-wedding series.

note: i have a different part already made for this and i made that shit first before the actual introduction to the characters/storyline 😭 my brain is in shambles rn sorry guys. cheers xx

masterlist

liked by landonorris, mateoales, loricciardo

landonorris put them damn dogs away dawg 😩🐶 liked by colabebe

colabebe ur the only one i can hear bitching about it 🤭

landonorris do you have one more room for a person to spoil loricciardo nora_alessandro jacquelinalessandro

mateoales no gtfo no british parasites allowed

danielricciardo have a brother-in-law who feeds off your chanel addiction ✅ liked by colabebe

colabebe have a sister-in-law who keeps an eye on your pregnant wife whenever you're away ✅

danielricciardo i agree ✅

hellonsite you should donate some for charity 🙌

colabebe didn't u call me poor back in elementary for my tattered shoes?

user1 girl bffr 💀

nora_alessandro and now you're few steps away from buying your own chanel bag tesoro 🥰 liked by colabebe

[translation: extremely grateful for the opportunity that was given to me by @wolffpublishing, and for that reason, i will continue to thrive in my journey as an editor and author. thank you so much! hello united kingdom!]

tagged wolffpublishing

liked by danielricciardo, landonorris, alex_albon

danielricciardo LETS GOOOOO !!!!! liked by colabebe

tillywolff welcome to the team nicola! ❤️ liked by colabebe

colabebe thank you so so so much tils!

landonorris i cant wait to play muse for you shawty 😭 liked by colabebe

colabebe bold of u to assume i'm not writing about alex_albon

alex_albon yeah i appreciate that and all but isn't that lando's youtube silver plaque on your shelf?

colabebe 👀

landonorris SO YOU WERE JUST SEDUCING ME SO YOU CAN TAKE THAT PLAQUE??? i was so convinced you didn't have ur eyes on it yet here i am 😐

mateoales disgusting comment by lando aside, i think you can sell that plaque at a pawn shop

landonorris STOP ENCOURAGING HER TEO

landonorris you can keep that plaque ig 🤠 liked and pinned by colabebe

colabebe hehehe <3

landonorris its like i never win against any of you alessandros

loricciardo don't lie- you always get your way with me

landonorris so does she???

loricciardo she's my sister mate 🧐

georgerussell63 ur sister sent some wine in ur new flat. congrats! liked by colabebe

colabebe do you think u and her can send another one bc me and lando emptied it already 🙂

georgerussell63 i'm just a boyfriend, not jesus.

colabebe posted a story !!!

liked by carlossainzjr, georgerussell63, loricciardo

user1 your plaque and YOUR WHAT? 😟😳

landonorris did i stutter?

user2 i didnt know u have rizz like that 😱 liked by landonorris

georgerussell63 baffled. did you seriously just bring her in your office instead of actually touring london??? smh norris

landonorris absolutely not 😠 she went paddington shopping and to the places that had the sorting hat and everything 😤 i dont like these accusations george william russell

user3 oh no, no-rizz used the full name RUN PRINCE GEORGE🏃‍♀️

carlossainzjr i hate that 👌 thing lando so much liked by landonorris

landonorris sorry babe

carlossainzjr its okay babe

user4 arent we all worried the drivers know who she is?

user5 we? whos we? i like the chaos in the comments idk why u crying about it 🥰

danielricciardo i hope you can still attend the family dinner after calling her a thief 😇

landonorris she likes me so much she wouldn't dare uninvite me

user6 what if lando's dating one of daniel's in-law? 🤔

user7 YES QUEEN BE DELULU I LIKE THAT 🤤

[cressthebest]

Crimson Rivers thoughts pt. 1

chapter 1:

1. holy shit i guess we’re starting off with regulus already knowing that sirius chooses james over him.

2. i love that there’s the comment of sirius cackling like a madman on camera at being the victor. great callback to his wanted poster in canon

3. damn not effie having been a victor as well

4. oh shit oh damn. james has plans to make sure reg gets out. and james expects to not make it. this already hurts

5. “Most people don't know when they'll get to hug their parents for the last time. James does.” AHHHHHHHHH WHAT THE FUCK THAT HURTS

6. god, sirius having to choose which one he wants to help survive hurts. especially cause he knows it comes down to wanting to survive, not skill.

7. "The games started the moment your name was called, and they don't end until you're dead” AHHHHHH everything hurts already

8. goddd the tension between james, reg, and sirius is just SO MUCH. this is so good

9. god the fact that this time it’s sirius having to say goodbye to regulus and james instead of reg and james having to say goodbye to sirius. just fucking stab me ig

chapter 2:

1. OMG i just got it. the capital is called the hallows in this!! like the deathly hallows! clever author

2. and this reg vs james hatred is gonna turn into a relationship??? i can’t wait to see it

3. OMG IS THE HALLOW GONNA BE A CASTLE LIKE HOGWARTS????

4. OOOOOH I JUST GOT TO THE “i won’t hesitate” LINE!! I SAW ALL YALL TALKING ABOUT THIS. i can’t fucking wait

5. i recognize the name fabian from a different fic 🤔 if someone can tell me, that would be great

6. wait i’m a dumbass. it’s fabian and gideon. the prewett twins 😭😭😭

7. ☹️ he’s taking james glasses and making him wear contacts

8. not james threatening to kill fabian if he cuts his hair 😭😭

9. oh i see how the romance is gonna come in. james laid eyes on reg in his suit and fell head over heels

10. red and green suits like slytherin and gryffindor

11. the immediate reaction reg has to james not having glasses. chefs kiss

12. oh the immediate disgust i felt when realizing that riddle (voldemort) is head of the hallows

13. oh god the death eater masks. i can’t deal with this shit

14. REMUS LUPIN ALERT REMUS LUPIN ALERT OH MY GOD I LITERALLY AM LOSING MY SHIT

15. “When Sirius pours his wine, he pours a lot.” LMAO

[sanjisblackasswife]

Eu definitivamente amo sua escrita. Você poderia fazer o trio de monstros reagindo ao leitor pedindo para transar com ela?

Estou realmente envergonhado de perguntar isso, mas senti que precisava. Desculpe se não entendi, inglês não é minha primeira língua.

A/N: Obrigado! Posso entender um pouco de português I gotchu no worries. Hopefully I read that correctly pls lmk if I didn’t though! I was able to understand a little :) (I probably butchered that too lol forgive me)

Monster Trio React to Their Crush Asking For Sex (NSFW-ISH?)

Black Fem Reader in Mind

Ft. Zoro, Sanji, Luffy

CW: Mentions of sex

Luffy

Okay just fyi if you’re not in a relationship with him or his crush he’ll just straight up say no KSBSISKS

He will absolutely treat you the same way he did Boa and nobody wants that😭

But let’s pretend Oda allows this man to have a form of attraction to women Cuz why not ( I HC he’s straight he just haven’t found his woman yet…because that’s literally me irl skshhsksjs)

Let’s say he at least finds you very attractive and maybe even a little crush on you.

You and him were in your room and he was watching you clean and talk about nothing when you finally got to the topic of sex (SOMEHOW) and said

“You know if you were ever up for it we could have sex whenever, Captain.”

He knows what sex is but never had it so you offering it makes him a bit gitty. He’s very nervous but you can’t tell because he is laughing it off a lot

Eventually you think he doesn’t want to for how much he’s laughing but he stops and explains he does want to have sex too

Very badly in fact he was so eager to say the least when you locked yourself in a room with him

Zoro

He has had sex before, but has loss interest in it after so long of not having it

But here come yo fine ass walking around in those damn workout clothes again stressing not only Sanji out now but Zoro

“You might as well workout naked, Woman.”

You knew he had a crush on you, but he never admitted it so you decided why not tease him,

“Well how about we both workout together..naked?”

Zoro got flustered in the damn face immediately

Zoro didn’t know if you were being forrreal or not so he began to get irritated

He has fucked his fist plenty of times at the thought but for you to be so damn direct—

“So? Yes or no?”

No real words were exchanged after he began swapping spit with you

Sanji

Why would y—what’s wrong with you.

Look he’s already cumming in his pants and bleeding.

You were getting yourself drunk in the kitchen because you were angry for some reason (insert reason ig)

Sanji decided it was time to cut you off but you held up the wine bottle teasingly looking up at him and say with a slurry voice,

“If you want it back you have to fuck me.”

And that is what lead him to feel his cock twitch.

He was very attracted to you, yes but he had to get a level head and not take advantage of you in this venerable state

He had to make sure you weren’t drunk drunk though. He didn’t want to do anything you might regret and you were. You couldn’t even keep your eyes open, you tried convincing him you meant what you said but he didn’t want to hear it he was already semi hard

“L-let’s Just get you to bed sweetheart.”

“Mmhm. You Gatta sleep in bed with me.”

He did but kept pillows in between you both for good measure he knew that some people say words they don’t mean when they’re drunk so Sanji just sighed keeping your naughty little request playing in his head.

It wasn’t until he woke up with you climbing on top of him that morning telling Sanji, “I told you I wasn’t that drunk…you still wanna fuck me?”

He fucked you btw.

[prince-strife]

So I watched “Like Minds” (I’m super unwell about gay people)

this one is like 3x longer than the tenet one

spoilers for a movie that came out 20 years ago ig

alex is clearly rly smart but he’s a right prick about it

nigel sure does like to stare 🤨🤨

oh so he’s a little freak. bro’s got a taxidermy cat in his luggage

ARE THEY MAKING BOMBS??

well. def explosives

DOES HE TAXIDERMY THE ANIMALS HIMSELF

he rly likes dead stuff…

not the gay little obsession

GIRL RECORK YOUR WINE BOTTLE

NIGEL WHY ARE YOU DISSECTING BIRDS IN YOUR BEDROOM

he’s so pretty tho fr mfer has gorgeous eyes

bro fuck this cop frfr

he did not seriously just punch this kid

oooh alex is fucked in the head too. inch resting

alex is one of those rich boys ._.

“obligations” hmmm i Do Not like the sound of that

WAIT THAT WAS HIS DAD??? that explains that ig

wait why is alex on the villains wiki. WHY IS ONE OF HIS CRIMES NECROPHILIA

interesting that alex is so aggressively anti-church (as an establishment, i mean)

ooooh nigel is Looking at him

not him fighting with his teacher

taking detailed notes about the people around him…nigel colbie autism

nooo leave him alone :((

alex is so mean to him omg. let him be a little freak in peace

HOLY SHIT HE JUST KILLED THAT KID

OHHH SALLY ROWE IS FUCKIN. JONI THROMBEY

wtf ym you “can’t find” the colbies..

omg staring across a casket at each other..

tom sturridge is so fucking beautiful i’m unwell

“i almost missed him” 🤨🤨

38 minutes in and i think this is the longest we’ve heard nigel speak

THE FUCK BOOK IS HE READING FOR THIS CLASS

idk i need nigel and alex to kiss

WOAH NIGEL JUST GOT REALLY CLOSE

“i’m really sorry about your friend” baby don’t lie no the fuck you’re not

smth abt the way nigel said “but you don’t have to worry” reminds me of the scene at the end of batman where joker is telling the riddler he did a good job.

THE GLARE AT THIS POOR GIRL nigel looks jealous as fuck

nigel baby giving the boy you like a hand is not the way to his heart

“it looks like you need a hand.” BABE. NO. TOO ON THE NOSE

he’s so cute in his lil jumper

SITTING ON HIS BED??? LEANING OVER HIM WHILE HE SLEEPS???? nah this is. gay behaviour

“alex, wake up. i’ve got a night planned 🥺” aww they’re gonna go on a date

oh they’re super close. NOW KISS

ooh hanging the essay over his head

the big smile… “are you having fun?” the little giggle. the smirk. he hates his ass. he is so in love with him. WHAT IS GOING ON

hmm i do not trust this

THE PUPPYY

“i’ve never brought anybody here before” INTERESTING (“i’m being vulnerable plz don’t be a dick abt this”)

i’ve still got an hour left of this movie good god

my mom is watching gbbo rly loudly and i just got super confused as to why the music Did Not Match the scene

“do you like it 🥺🥺” NIGEL. BABY. he’s so proud of his weird little lab it’s so cute

these little history nerds…

i rly thought nigel was gonna cuddle into him for a second

HELLO NIGEL IS STARING AT HIS LIPS????

“do you know what a pike is?” batting his eyes, looking as coquettish as possible. oh my god. oh my god.

CALLING HIM JACK. i’m so unwell this is so gay.

“we’ve been brought together for a reason” oh my god he thinks they’re murder soulmates

HIS SMILLLLEE

“for eternity.” gnawing on the bars of my enclosure

not him asking her out, nigel’s gonna be PISSED

the sword to his neck 🤭 OMG THE RUNNING IT DOWN HIS SPINE WHAT THE FUCK

the way he says “jack” i’m gonna pass out

“my name is alex. stay away from me.” NOOO it’s ok nigel i’ll be your jack

taking the gay goggles off for a second nigel clearly is in desperate need of a friend and is trying so hard to make alex his friend and it’s making me super sad bc he doesn’t seem to quite understand why it’s not working :(((

but also nigel baby stop breaking into his room

it’s giving yandere tbh

“what’s with the knife” *biggest most innocent doe eyes* “i don’t know what you mean, jack”

HOLY SHIT NIGEL. I FIGURED HE WAS GONNA KILL HER BUT WHAT THE FUCK.

i feel bad for her fr tho she didn’t do nothin wrong. not her fault alex is oblivious to his psychopath boyfriend

lol alex looking around for nigel when he finds out she’s dead. he’s not stupid, i’ll give him that

HE TOOK THE KNIFE

nigel’s very bad at acting innocent

“i sense some hostility” NO REALLY

they look like they’re abt to kiss

“no jack, you did it.” babe.

“feels good to vent one’s anger doesn’t it jack””i don’t want any part of this” “too late for that”

oh he’s CRAZY

he so sure that alex is just as nuts as he is.

OHH MCKENZIE IS IN THE CLUB TOO?? INTERESTING

wtf happened to nigel’s parents

babe being cryptic is not helping your situation

OOOH ARE THEY GONNA FIND NIGEL’S LITTLE ROOM OF CREEPY SHIT

i bet his parents are dead

hehe the jack <3

his jars of dead shit are so weird

was that a drawing of the dead kid?

nigel has rly nice handwriting omg

idk if the knowledge that it’s purely for scientific interest makes the pictures of the sleeping girl better or worse

HE TAXIDERMIZED HIS PARENTS???

he calls them helen and john???

love him introducing alex like he’s his boyfriend

THE EYE CONTACT HELLO??

nigel looks so dead inside omg

“stop it, nigel :((“

OH HE MADE THE BIBLE??? i thought it was a book he had not smth he created that’s actually pretty cool

“our union” 🤨🤨 its giving marriage

“nigel was right about this” hmmm boyfriend behaviour

omg mckenzie SUCKS like he’s just kind of an asshole

“i knew you couldn’t resist a secret rendezvous <3”

“you didn’t know nigel”

DID HE FUCK HER CORPSE

“my dearest jack”

IS HE SLEEPING WITH HIS MOTHER

THE PICTURES WERE OF HIS MOTHER????

his lack of reaction to her getting shot…

SO MUCH JUST HAPPENED IN A SPAN OF 30 SECONDS

he’s so clinical about the cleanup…

he’s so pretty…

HES SO FUCKED IN THE HEAD

omg does he want jack to be his maraclea is that why he got the gun (ik his mom was his maraclea let me be delulu)

he rly thinks this is completely justified

HOLF SHIT HE PULLED THE TRIGGER

i’m so sad he’s dead :(( gimme my babygirl back

holy fuck alex got released

AND HE KEPT THE BOOK

“my beloved susan” WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

“nigel got what he wanted…eternity”

OH MY FUCKING GOD J CANT BELEJEV HE DID THAT… continuing nigel’s work… oh my fucking god

“you like history.” BITCH WHAT

Edit: I forgot to give the movie a rating .-. 500/10 i fucking loved it, i’m already making a forbie playlist

[hadesisonlyalad]

yk i dont post a lot on tumblr but we all saw that red flags post so im gonna take a moment of ur time to say something on each merc and the red flags listed for them. im doing a read more incase u havent seen the “mercs red flags” headcanon post and it does not flood ur page

both the medic and engie things with “not wanting to spend time with you/wont make time for you” is SUCH bullshit if that was the case they wouldnt even date you. and then ur telling me engie tf2, DELL CONAGHER, would NEVER want to take you on a date? like ever??? u are INSANE. And then sorry to tackle medic and engie in the same paragraph but they had a lot of common “””””red flags””””” that were listed. why would he yell at you. he hardly even yells in general (based off comics and voice lines) if anything hes just kinda a loud person 💀 AND YOU BRINGING UP ONE THING WONT MAKE HIM SUDDENLY IGNORE YOU FOR DAYS LIKE?? he KNOWS hes committing medical malpractice btw. he would not leave you for bringing that up he is WELL AWARE of what hes doing. and we see him CANONICALLY DISCIPLINE ARCHIMEDES IN MEET THE MEDIC, WHY WOULD HE TOLERATE HIS BIRDS ATTACKING YOU????

also why are we listing an addiction as a “red flag” what the fuck is wrong with you. i get not wanting to date someone with an addiction, its a valid concern, but thats SO much more serious than a “red flag” or “ick”??? LIKE ARE YOU OKAYYYY???????

AND THEN HEAVY’S RED FLAG IS “he has trauma” FUCKING. PACK IT UP GUYS IG IF YOU HAVE TRAUMA YOU CAN NEVER BE IN A RELATIONSHIP. (/s) WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.

i’m fine with the miss pauling ones, at least two of them, because yeah, it’s canon that she doesn’t have the most time and i imagine if ur not a merc or work in that area a relationship might be a bit hard? but shes an honest person, i don’t think she’s gonna lie to you. idk im very neutral about the pauling ones, if anything theyre the most in character of this shithole list.

all i have to say for pyro is like. yk those people who hc pyro as aroace except theyre super weird about it? like theyre either infantilizing them or have weird ableist feelings about pyro? yeah thats the vibes im getting. actually wait where did u pull codependent pyro from actually wtf

i think the “tryna live like hes 20” thing for spy is really fucking funny 💀 like go girl go live through that middle age crisis!!/j no but seriously. hes dating you hes gonna think you’re a 10, and even then YOU’RE SAYING IF YOU AGE AT ALL HE’LL LEAVE YOU??? CANON MILF LOVER SPY. “OFF TO VISIT YOUR MOTHER!” SPY TF2. WILL LEAVE YOU IF YOU GET OLD AND AGE AT ALL…? HE LIKES HIS WOMEN LIKE HE LIKES HIS WINE MOTHERFUCKER: AGED. sorry bad joke lets keep going uh- i think the other hcs are garbage too i just really hate specifically this spy hc. just this one specifically.

im not a sniper connoisseur, my friend will is way better versed in sniper’s characterization, but even i know this isnt sniper. “thinks if he argues long enough he’ll win”…? “cannot support you in anything”?!!?! “IF YOU’RE HIS FRIEND AND YOU TWO GET INTO A BAD ARGUMENT PREPARE TO NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN” IM GENUINELY AT A LOSS FOR WORDS. I JUST. I DONT..? WHAT DO I EVEN SAY. I DONT K N O W WHAT TO SAY. BUT IF I DID KNOW WHAT TO SAY I’D BE SAYING VERY BAD THINGS.

i dont think scout is misogynistic- i see why people think that but me personally i just think he has no game and people mistake it as violent misogyny for some reason. but. listen we know scout is a dick we do okay but he loves women. why would he cheat on you.? bro he’d be glad u picked him 😭 AND THEN THE PERIOD THING?? he was raised by a SINGLE MOM do you REALLY think shes gonna raise him and let him think that way about a natural body function. im speaking entirely from the single mom experience and the answer is NO!!!! also how is loving your mother a red flag. being the youngest child is also a red flag, i guess. and having issues with his dad. (/s) also, second verse same as the first: IF HES DATING YOU HE THINKS YOU’RE A 10 WHAT IS SO HARD TO FUCKING GET ABOUT THISHXWHBVWBWBXvqvsbs?1?2!2’wndjwke

uhhh soldier wasnt. here for some reason. so nothing to say about him.

anyway leave ur opinions below. i rly dont wanna get into any tumblr drama or internet drama at all bc it scares me dearly and im always self conscious about leaving a bad digital footprint especially over something as petty as tf2 drama but i cannot stand for this slander I CANNOT‼️‼️‼️‼️ sorry if u also think im mischaracterizing anyone here i only put hours of studying into my fav mercs and thats. abt it,, listen im silly okay