#this is what it feels like the last day in planica

[skiijumpinng]

just two kids playing in the snow

[skijumpingf1]

The End (D.Prevc X D.Tande)

This was my way of coping with Daniels retirement. So this oneshot is about the whole situation around the retirement (Domiel´s version). I was on a field trip from uni these past weeks so had to write this on my phone, and it is probably not as good because I hate to write on my phone. But I had like an urge to do this. So enjoy! This is set in my interconnected oneshot series (last part is here) and it is from Domens perspective just to let you know.

Wordcount: 3984

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I am a bit nervous as I stand in the arrival hall at the airport in Ljubljana. Daniel was just training over in Norway and seeing his family. Judging by his mood over the phone at least one of those didn’t go so well. He seemed a bit stressed, but he wouldn’t tell me why. Maybe he hasn’t figured it out yet. I hope it has nothing to do with the fact that he officially moved to Slovenia a few months ago. He seemed happy with it but maybe he got homesick.

After planica it was pretty clear that Daniel would move and not me. Still, I gave it a bit of thought and he spoke to his family. His mom was hesitant, but she loves us together (and me too) and she knew that we were ready for the next step. Our national teams were pretty open about it too. So, we went apartment hunting in the area of the airport. The commute from our home to the airport shouldn’t be high when he would fly that much. To be honest, the first few weeks were a bit like heaven and hell at the same time. Heaven in the way that we could finally spent as much time together as we want. Hell because we went public at the same time and we may have underestimated the attention we would get. Especially here.

We were recognized almost every time we went outside. That lead to us not going anywhere which wasn’t good for Daniels acclimatization here in Slovenia. Eventually the attention got less and less, and we could move on.

Now that Daniel lives with me, it is my regular duty to collect him at the airport. I still love seeing him again. But today I am not just thrilled that my boyfriend is back.

His flight has landed about fifteen minutes ago and customs and stuff is always quick here so he should be out any minute. The door between the secluded area and the world outside opens and a few people in suits step out. I peak behind them. Daniel is coming out next. Automatically I form a smile at him. I spot him first and I get a moment of just looking at him when he doesn’t feel seen. He looks worried. Or stressed. Maybe unsure even. I swallow hard. So, it wasn’t my imagination that something was up. Then he notices me and his face lights up. His steps are getting faster and then he is back with me. I open my arms and pull him into a tight hug. “I missed you so much.”, I greet him.

“I have been gone for just six days.” “Yes, and? I still missed you.” The apartment was painful quiet without him. I even went to my parent’s house for a night. Officially to hang out with my sisters but I was there because I couldn’t stand the emptiness.

“I missed you too.” He presses a small kiss to my lips and takes my hand. I grab his suitcase but not without him complaining that he could do it himself. On the drive back home, he updates me on his family who are planning on visiting in a few months. This makes me think that something on the ski jumping side is up. Which is kinda scary. His from isn’t the best right now but he never acted this down. Something must have happened. Did he fall again and not told me? Or the team? After last season the whole dynamic changed. It wouldn’t surprise me if there would be still tensions inside team Norway after that.

“What’s up?”, I ask when I put a glass of wine in front of his face. We reheated the Lasagne that I made this morning for us (Yes, I actually can do a proper lasagne.) Now he is already sitting down waiting for me to do the same. “Nothing is up. Should be something up?” I take a sip from my glass and sit down. “I don’t know. Tell me.” He frowns a bit. His beautiful face is making a grimace. “I hope it is nothing major, so I didn’t want to tell you. You know the rule. I don’t know if I am really serious yet.” I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Oh god. He is thinking about retirement. That’s out rule. No talk about retiring if you are not serious.

I know him. The way he acts, the way he talked. He really thinks about it. “But you are serious considering it, aren’t you?” “I mean, it crossed my mind a few times. Especially this past week.” He doesn’t look at me. Daniel studies the tablecloth. I reach over the table and take his hand. “It is okay, Daniel. If you are considering it, talk it through with me.”  He finally looks up and I can spot a few tears in his eyes. I squeeze his hand tighter. “I know how hard Peros retirement was for you. I don’t want to burden you with another potential hard hit.” “You know the worst part was that he didn’t spoke to me, right? So, talk to me. Why are you considering it?” I can’t believe we are actually having this conversation now. In a few years for sure but it is so soon. Obviously, I would respect his decision either way, but I would miss him greatly in world cup.

“After Planica I hoped that every time, I would jump the fear would be getting less overwhelming and at the beginning it was like that. I don’t know what changed but now it feels like the opposite. Every time I am at the gate the fear is getting stronger and stronger again. Maybe it has to do with my bad form and that I am not trusting myself a hundred percent. Maybe it is me getting older.” Gosh sometimes I hate him. Why doesn’t he tell me stuff like this? It must be overwhelming to fear the thing he loves. Conflicting and hurtful. I know how much he loves it. I have seen it first hand. It is a passion we share. I couldn’t even imagine how hard it is to start losing it.

Daniel takes a sip from his wine. The Lasagne is long forgotten. “Do you think it could change again when you get into shape?” He raises his shoulders and sighs. “That’s what I am trying to find out.” I run my hand through my hair. That is a lot to be honest. “Ok.  If you want to talk it through, let me know. And I mean it. If you can’t sleep because of it wake me up.” He raises an eyebrow and puts a hand on my cheek. “I will try but I know that topic is hard for you too.” “Obviously I want you to continue with ski jumping. It means that we can spent so much more time together. Especially since it would be the first season since we are out. But if you just torture yourself with it, let it be. I can understand it. Ultimately ski jumping should bring you more joy than fear.”

Ziga stares worriedly at me when lift my weights. There is really no reason for it. I am doing everything like I do usually. Same weight, same posture. “What?”, I ask my teammate as soon as I set the weights down. “You just look emotional. That is rare.” “Very rare.”, adds Lovro who just finished his rotation on the weights too. I sigh and let myself sit down at the bench. “A lot on my mind recently.”, is my vague answer to the unasked question. “Care to elaborate?” I actually would but it is not my thing to share. So, I couldn’t. Also, it wasn’t like Daniel made up his mind in the last two days. Even though I think I know in which direction he will decide. Subconsciously he knows he can’t continue. But he needs to figure it out himself.

“Nope. I don’t want to elaborate.” “Ah, it is Daniel. Do you want to propose? I mean I think you guys are endgame, but you just moved in together. Maybe wait at least half a year.”, Timi chimes in. My eyes widen. Proposing and marriage can wait a few more years. Until we are comfortable living together. “No, I am not proposing. It just complicated stuff. Stuff that I can’t really talk about now.”  My teammates look not sacrificed but that is not my problem. “Don’t you think Daniel would be okay with you talking about it with your friends? I mean he knows how teams work. He probably talks about you with his teammates as well.” Normally I would agree but this is a sensitive topic. Daniel isn’t sure yet. And I don’t want him to get pressure from the guys since he trains with us quite often. “Maybe I just don’t want to talk about it with you guys.” I wink at them and stand back up. Lovro rolls his eyes. “Idiot.”

When I come home a few hours later. Another car is parked in front of the house. A car that I am pretty familiar with. What is Peter doing here? Did I forget that we were supposed to babysat today? Normally Peter would remind me twice before he brings his kids to our home. Slowly I enter the airy apartment that always reminds me of Daniels flat in Oslo. “I know it is a hard decision, but I don’t think it is a decision anymore.”, I hear my brother speaking. Oh. Seems like Danny invited my brother to talk about his potential retirement. Judging by Peros last sentence he also thinks that Daniel already made up his mind.

“I am home.”, I call out loudly to make my presence know. It was only fair, and I don’t want to spy on boyfriend. I take off my jacket while I hear rumbling in the living room. Seconds later Daniel is standing in the small hallway. A half smile on his lips. He is wearing jeans. Probably because Peter is over. Normally he prefers sweats at home. Or just boxers, my favourite choice. He closes the distance between us and puts an arm around my torso to pull me in. “Hei.”, he whispers. We are so close that I can feel his breath on my lips. I lean in and kiss him softly. As soon as I wrap my arms around him, I can hear a mumbled noise. Peter. I almost forgot he is here too. Reluctant, I let go of my boyfriend.

“Hello Peter.” My brother is standing in the doorway and has a smile on his lips. He is always so weird about Danny and me. He still looks so ... proud, I guess. As if he still couldn’t believe it. “I don’t want to annoy you guys any longer. Daniel if you want to talk again, I am free most of the time.” Peter pats me on the shoulder when he passes us on the way to wardrobe. “Or you could stay for dinner. If Mina doesn’t mind of course. Daniel made Kjøttboller.” Both of them look at me in surprise. It was not typical for me at all to spend more time with Peter than I needed. Especially outside of our childhood home. Mum hosts a Dinner once a week since I moved out. Whenever we could, Tuesdays were spent there. Recently I used this to speak with Peter more. It is weird but I miss him around. Apart from the dinner I only see him at hand overs for babysitting.

“If it wouldn’t burden you, I would love to try whatever Daniel made.”, Peter replies. “Don’t expect too much. There just meatballs.”, says Daniel and than he presses as short kiss to my lips.

“Do you have time to fly to Norway soon?” We are both not sleeping that night. He didn’t tell me that he is going to retire yet. But I know he knows that I know. If that makes sense. Daniel probably hasn’t said it out loud yet. Not even to himself. Saying something makes something more official. It is like when you say I love you for the first time. It is a big step that can’t be taken back. Nevertheless, the unspoken words are hanging between us. Both too restless to sleep because of it.

“I am going to Wisla. But I could fly to Norway before or after that.”, I answer his question. His hand is running over my chest. It is dark so I can’t really see him, but I think he is sitting a bit up. “I need you there when I tell people. Without you I can’t do it.” “Of course. Tell me when to book flights and I will do the rest.” I swallow hard. Just don’t start to cry, Domen. Daniel is now living here. I will see him more often now since he doesn’t need to go back to Norway that often. And Danny will probably come to a few competitions at least. I close my eyes. “I am proud of you.”, I say and try to hide my trembling voice. “Don’t you think it is cowardly to just give up? To just retire?” There it is. Retire. Fully officially spoken. I turn to my side to face him. I trace his hand on my chest and take it into my hand. “I think it is brave that you know when to stop and to leave the world you have known forever.” It is quiet on the other side of the bed for a few moments. “Thanks, I needed to hear this.” “I love you, Daniel. Of course, I know what you need and now you need a big cuddle session.” As I speak, I wrap my arms around him and pull him into my side. “I love you too.”

The whole flight to Oslo, Daniel squeezed my hand so bad that I almost asked him if he changed his mind. But the look of relief on his face when he realized that he wouldn’t need to jump this time he was back in Norway, made me realize that he was just scared. Scared of what his family and team will say.

The first stop of our list is his family. Trude Tande breaks out in tears as soon as her son announces his retirement. Tears of relief, I should add. Daniel told me once that she always is nervous watching him jump but after Planica it got worse. After we left his family home, we get to his trainer. The only time Daniel said it makes more sense to be alone when he tells someone. So, I wait in the car. He is already in there for half an hour. I don’t know if it’s long or short for this kind off conversation. I never had one myself and I never occurred to me to ask my brothers about their talks with our coaches. I run my hand through my hair while I text Nika to ask how she has been doing. Our schedules didn’t really align the past couple of weeks, so I just saw her once. I would probably have to wait a few hours for a reply since she is in the gym right now.

I look at the watch in the car. Now it has been 40 minutes. At what point should I go in and storm into the office? An hour? Just as I open the car door, Daniel comes out of the building. His eyes puffy and cheeks red. I slam the car door behind me and take a step towards him. He wraps his arms immediately around me when I reach him and buries his face in my neck. “Everything will be alright.”, I say because I don’t know what else to say. Daniel is clinging onto me, and I brush lightly over his back. “It was just so hard seeing the petty look on his face.”

We stand there for a while. I don’t know for how long exactly. At some point his cries get less and less. “Are you okay getting in the car?”, I ask him. He nods quietly and I let him go but without really letting him go. I still hold his hand until he is sitting in the passenger seat. Before I close the door, I give him a small kiss. I take a deep breath outside the car. It hurts so much seeing him like this. We both know it is the right decision, but ski jumping was such a big part in his life. Of course it hurts.

“Should I call the guys and cancel?”, I speak when we finally reached Daniels flat. He invited his teammates and a few old friends to his apartment in Oslo, which he kept until now. It is time to tell them about the retirement as well but after the conversation with his trainer I don’t know if it is the right thing to do today. Some of his teammates are on the way to Wisla as well and booked their flights over Oslo to be here. But I am sure they would understand if he would cancel. “No. I think I have to do this today and I want them to know.” While I nod, I wrap my arms around his torso. He is too restless to sit down, but I trap him near the couch where I sit. He puts his hands over mine and breaths in. Finally, the nervous energy leaves. “Do you want a shot maybe? Or a glass of wine? Beer?” My boyfriend turns inside my arms until he faces me. I open my legs for him and invite him to take a step closer to me. He runs a hand through my hair. “I have a better idea to get the energy out.”, he smirks. “You know the guys are coming in an hour, right? And we need to do the food.” I know logically that it isn’t a good idea, but I let my hand run down his spine until I reach his ass. “Strong words for someone who is practically forcing me onto his lap.” “Force of habit.”, I reply while I put more force in to get him on top of me. He chuckles. “We make it quick.”

 Daniel looks so much relaxed when the doorbell rings. While I put the last mini pizzas in the oven, he opens the door. Andres Fannemel is the first to arrive. He is already retired and not much around in the ski jumping community at the moment. I probably haven’t seen him in at least two years. But Daniel and him kept close contact. “If you want something to drink, Domen is in the kitchen and will get you something. I just put some music on.”, speaks Daniel and the hallway.

I can hear the steps of the Norwegian and swiftly put the last utensils in the cupboard. “Domen.”, nods Anders when he enters the kitchen. “Hey Anders. How is it going?” The retired ski jumper shrugs. I don’t think he is particularly fond of me. Maybe he thinks it was my fault that we took so long to make our relationship public or maybe he just doesn’t like me. But it has gotten better of the years. “Good actually. How are things with you?” “Still trying to figure my form out. Apart from that everything is relatively fine.” Apart from the fact that all my close people in world cup chose to retire. First Cene, then Mac (who just took a break but somehow hasn’t been back), of course Peter and now Daniel. “Are you coping without Peter in training?” “It has been harder than I thought but it is okay. I am a bit closer to my other teammates now.” I take a glass out and give it to Anders. He looks suspicious at it. “Behind you are the drinks.” “And how are you coping with this?” He pours himself a coke into the glass and leans against the table. “With what?”, I reply hesitantly. A smirk is building on Anders face. “It is kind of obvious. Never have I ever seen that Daniel hosts a team dinner and the way he spoke about ski jumping the last few weeks. You forgot that I am already retired. I know what leads to this decision. So, how are you coping with Daniels retirement?”  

Daniel pops into the kitchen. “Rob just texted that he and the others are almost there. The flight from Trondheim was delayed.” Just as he speaks the doorbell rings, and he is out of the door again. Anders still looks awaiting at me. “For him it is the best decision, and I am happy for him. Personally, I would want him to continue but not under those circumstances. Luckily, we live together now. Without that I would be way more stressed about this.”

Daniels flat is packed with ski jumpers and ex ski jumpers. I get a few surprised glances when Dannys teammates realize that I am also here. It is uncommon that I would join a team get together from team Norway. I mean I have done it from time to time but not regularly. But this one is a Daniels place, so I don’t think it is too strange. But it raises suspicions. Robert takes one look at Daniel when he arrives, and I know that he could tell like Anders. It is the way his gaze softens when he picks up on the energy of Daniel and me.

“So, Daniel, why are we here? What’s up?”, says Marius once everyone is settled in with drinks. My gaze shoots up my boyfriend who is already looking at me. I give him a warm smile and lean a bit against him. Again, I am sitting on the couch, and he is standing. This is our thing now apparently. He sets his hand on my shoulder and holds himself steady. Daniel looks up at his friends. I do the same. Some look worried, some look curios. Anders looks proud. “Ehm, I invited you guys over to officially tell you that I am retiring.” I can feel the way he tenses through his hand on my shoulder. I lay my hand on top his and wait on the reaction of his teammates. Robert is the first to speak. “Daniel it was a pleasure.”, he stands up and gives my boyfriend a hug. “I don’t know what to say. My god, Danny.”, Halvor follows. A few seconds later Daniel is surrounded by his teammates in a big group hug.

Next day is the day of the official public announcement. The team thought it would be fitting to shoot the video at the holmenkollen hill. I must agree that the location is perfect. It still is the last place where Daniel won. I am standing behind the camera and watch my boyfriend prepare. The whole night he was up to find words. “Okay Daniel. When ever you are ready.” And then he begins. He is more pulled together than I thought. A proud smile appears on my face. When our gazes meet, he nods barely visible. “I have given this decision a lot of thought. There is a mental barrier that remains after my fall in Planica, the fear has grown bigger than the joy of jumping.” I smirk when I hear a version of my words from when he told me.

When he is done, he takes a few steps in the direction of the hill. I follow him. Daniel looks up the hill with a smile laugh. “I can’t believe this is it. This is really the end.”

[vacancy90]

It happened. I added a third chapter to this

series(?)

Just a super cheesy (you've been warned!) little something before heading into the last comps in Planica this season.

I just called to say... (Halvor/Marius)

A phone call while Halvor is stuck in Oberstdorf - or - Marius painting embarrassingly cheesy images of a romantic retreat

"Just the two of us. Alone. How does that sound?"

Halvor gulps down the knot in his throat. It sounds amazing. Hard to imagine, though, now while he's stuck in Oberstdorf. It sounds like a parallel universe that only exists in their fantasy, a million years away. Truth is, he feels terrible. Not body-wise. The body is ok again. But being bored and alone and robbed of yet another opportunity to spend time with his new favourite teammate - it's driving him mad. 

"Halvor? Are you still there?"

Halvor is fighting back tears. He's angry at himself for feeling this way. He's not even sure what it is he's feeling. Is it anger? Disappointment? Helplesness? Or just homesickness? It's suddenly overwhelming. Halvor gasps for air when he notices he's held his breath for too long. He ends up with a mix of hiccups and sobs that he's trying to hide by covering the mic of his phone, but who is he trying to fool?

"Just breathe, okay? You're gonna be fine."

Halvor does concentrate on breathing evenly then and it works. After a few seconds he's calmed down enough to speak again.

"Thank you. And sorry."

"Hey, no problem. I know it's tough. I wish I could do something," Marius's soft voice caresses his ear. 

"Tell me about your plans?" Halvor leans back and stretches himself to find a more comfortable position on the velvety sofa in his rented holiday apartment. He had moved here after receiving the notion of his covid infection which meant he has to quarantine in Germany before he is allowed to travel home to Norway. 

Marius smiles, happy to provide a distraction for his upset friend. The younger man has been dreaming about the scenario in vivid colours for days. 

"So, I was thinking we could stay at the summer house in my grandparent's garden. It's a lovely little place in a secluded village near a lake. I think I told you about it."

"Yes," Halvor confirms, curious to hear more. "You said nobody would ever recognise you there."

"Exactly, and I promise no-one's gonna recognise you either," he adds, giggling.

"Sounds perfect. What's the plan for day one?"

"Well, call me weird but I have it all planned out minutely, ok? First of all, I'm gonna pick you up at the train station and then in the car, I'm gonna connect my phone to the stereo and play that playlist I've put together for you."

Marius hurries to continue his explanation before Halvor can comment anything to interrupt his painting of embarrassingly cheesy images of a romantic retreat.

"We'll stop by a supermarket to grab some items for dinner. Then we're gonna go to the house. We drop our bags and get the bikes ready for a tour. We're off to the lake with crystal clear water. I'm gonna yell 'Who's first in the water!' and you'll shout 'Wait, that's unfair, I didn't bring any swimming trunks!'"

He stops here, the idea of possibly jumping in naked crossing his thoughts. Marius shakes it off quickly, not knowing Halvor on the other end of the line is thinking just the same when he hears him laugh.

"But lucky you, I brought a second pair," Marius adds. "The water's still cold but the sun's shining so we just gotta swim a little bit faster to get warm. Afterwards we can sit on the grass and work on our tan. On the way home we stop by this cosy café with the pretty flower decoration on the porch. We'll get a coffee there and just watch the other people."  

Halvor loves listening to Marius's voice. It's soothing. Wait, other people? Pff... Halvor wouldn't look at anything other than Marius for one second.

"And when we're back we take a shower and... oh, uhm... I mean..."

Marius is grateful that it's not a video call so Halvor can't see him blush.

"Go on." Halvor grins at his phone, fully aware of his own dopey expression and a hundred percent sure about the tomato coloured face on the other end of the line. It's amusing.

"Anyway, dinner is next. And then we come to my favourite part. We're gonna sit outside on the garden swing, wrapped up in fluffy blankets. We pop a bottle of beer and gaze into the sky where the stars are shining down on us." Marius takes a deep breath. "The end."

"Wow," Halvor comments with his heart drumming against his chest. "All planned out indeed. Where do I get a say?"

"Um... You can choose what's for dinner?" Marius offers.

"How about I bring the cookies to go with the coffee?" Halvor suggests and hopes Marius understands how much he approves of his plans, how much he appreciates his honesty and how much he enjoys his company. How much he misses his company right now. He dearly hopes Marius got the hint with the cookies last time. He hopes he gets it now.

There's a moment of silence before Marius speaks again.

"I'd very much love to try your cookies, Halvor. I was hoping you'd remember you wanted to bake them. For me."

"Of course, I do."

"Are you feeling a bit better?"

Yes, he is. Halvor can't wait for the season to end, though. Not because he doesn't want to jump anymore, obviously. He's determined to make the most of the possibility to compete in Planica. However, he's more than ready for a new adventure of a very different nature. Halvor tightens the grip around his phone, nuzzling into it. 

"I don't know if it's appropriate to say this yet, but I'm gonna say it anyway… I miss you, Linus."

"I miss you, too, champ. I miss you, too."

[dailyskijumping]

It was an amazing opening competition of the 69th 4-Hills-Tournament in Oberstdorf. After his Covid infection, Karl Geiger won the opener ahead of Poland's Kamil Stoch and Norway's Marius Lindvik. Geiger now has a very good chance of becoming the first overall 4-Hills-Tournament winner from Germany since Sven Hannawald in 2002.It was definitely an exciting first competition of the 69th 4-Hills-Tournament. Favorite Markus Eisenbichler provided the first highlight of the final round with his 142 m jump. With this longest jump of the day, Eisenbichler could move up from 26th to fifth overall, his first jump was not good enough for an even better result today. Eisenbichler still has a chance to claim the overall title after this first competition. The top contender, Halvor Egner Granerud, finished just ahead of Eisenbichler in fourth. His chances to secure the title also remain very good.

The athletes, who finished on the podium today, were not necessarily expected to be there: Norway's Marius Lindvik, who won the two 4-Hills competitions in Garmisch-Partenkirchen and Innsbruck last season, surprised in third this evening: It's great that I was finally able to make some great jumps again. Now I'm looking forward to the competition in Garmisch-Partenkirchen, I really enjoy jumping there", said Lindvik, who is now also among the top contenders for the overall win.

The second place went to Kamil Stoch, who was prohibited from competing by the health authorities yesterday together with the entire Polish team but was cleared today. "I'm feeling great, it was a fantastic day. I don't want to talk about what happened, I just want to thank the coaches and the Polish Ski Association for fighting for us. Hopefully, this situation will reveal the mistakes in the system and something like this will never happen again. I'm happy we got the chance to compete", Stoch said regarding the Covid measures that almost prevented his team from jumping today.

The big winner today was local hero Karl Geiger who experienced lots of ups and downs recently: He won the Ski Flying World Championship title in Planica, then he became the father of a daughter, then a Covid infection, he was cleared to compete in Oberstdorf last Sunday and now he could win in his home town. I'm really proud, it was a special day for me. Winning in Oberstdorf after everything that happened over the last weeks is really great. I'm just very thankful and happy. It's a pity that there could be no fans in the stadium today, but still, it was a special moment for me, even without the fans", Geiger said after the competition.

With Stefan Kraft and Philipp Aschenwald, two Austrians were among the best today in sixth and eighth, but had also recovered from a Covid-19 infection, like Karl Geiger. Aschenwald won the qualification yesterday, and even if it was canceled, he could keep the prize money of € 5000.-. Andrzej Stekala remains the positive surprise in the Polish team. The 25-year-old is becoming one of the best in his team and was seventh today.

The second competition of the 69th 4-Hills-Tournament will take place on Friday in Garmisch-Partenkirchen.

[icequeenjules26]

Flight to Flight

Summary:  Dan Howell, aspiring Ski Jumper, meets the handsome stranger Phil at an airport, and they hit it off immediately. But what he didn't know was that Phil was more than he seemed to be…

Word Count: 14,6k

Tags: Ski Jumping AU, Strangers to Lovers, Angst, Fluff, Smut

A/n: This is my fic for the @phandomreversebang! Art is from the amazing @lovelydeps, who even made a different art for me, and a biiiig thank you goes to my beta @indecisive-taco for her nice words and obviously her help! I loved writing this, I hope you guys like it! 

Read on AO3

Dan arrived at the airport pretty early. His flight wasn’t for a few more hours, but the weather was horrible and he knew, if he would miss this flight his mom would be pissed.

 She would probably be pissed anyway, but what had he been supposed to do?

 Technically, she had asked him to be home at least a few days before easter to settle back in with his family and get all discussions out of the way before his extended family would arrive for the actual festivities. He knew that. He had known that. But he simply hadn’t been able to make it.

 This was the opportunity of a lifetime. And he never would’ve gotten it had he gone straight home after his last competition.

 So, while his Continental Cup team had taken the flight back home from Russia to Germany, he had boarded the flight towards Klagenfurt, Austria, and then the car to Planica, Slovenia for a weekend at the World Cup. Not to compete himself, sadly… At least not yet. But the German national coach had invited him to spend the weekend with the rest of the national team, and they had taken him in with open arms. He knew a few of them already from his youth, but others he hadn’t met before - especially the coach himself. Who had made pretty clear that his chances of competing in the World Cup in the next season were exceptional.

 Naturally, Dan was still basking in happiness while waiting for his flight back home, even though the weather was crap. It was the end of March and it was still ridiculously cold outside, including wind and snow and ice.

 Inside of the airport hall it was fairly warm, though, and his warm winter coat with the emblem of the German national team had been long since slipped off and stuffed into his hand luggage carelessly. The nice, cozy jumper he was wearing did plenty to keep him warm, even though it was loosely fitted and slipped halfway off his left shoulder whenever he was moving. Which happened too often, to be honest. He was sitting in the waiting hall, playing mindless games on his phone and ignoring his mom’s text to pass the time before his flight would finally be ready for boarding.

 It didn’t take him too long to realize something was not right. The plane was supposed to be leaving in about half an hour, and it still hadn’t been called out for boarding, while the weather outside got more ridiculous by the minute. Snow and ice whirled around in a violent storm and it had gotten pretty dark outside even though it was barely 2pm.

 He was starting to get restless when a female voice rung through the speakers, saying something undefinable about London-Heathrow and he whipped his head around, searching for the departure board. When he found it he reluctantly got up to get a closer look at it, backpack slung over his left shoulder and a trolley in tow.

 It took him a moment to get there and then even longer to find his flight. Klagenfurt was not a big airport, but big enough, and after a big event like a ski jumping World Cup there were more flights leaving than usual. His was listed on the bottom half of the board, a slideshow stating Flug fällt aus - which was German and said his flight was cancelled.

 Great.

 The exact moment he realized that, he heard a groaning and a “Goddamnit” from somewhere next to him. He looked over as the same word left his lips and found himself eye to eye with blue irises shining so brightly in the rather dim lighting he thought he’d go blind on the spot. His breathing hitched.

 Shit, he cursed to himself. Calm down. His eyes are probably the only thing pretty.

 But as Dan finally managed to refocus, finally managed to get the whole figure into consideration he had even more reason to hold his breath. It was a man, probably not more than a few years older than Dan, and handsome. Ridiculously so. His black hair was styled into a quiff that looked almost effortless, leaving his pale forehead exposed. The black rimmed glasses perched on his nose only brought out the blue in his eyes even more, and his lips looked so sinful that Dan had to gulp.

 And that wasn’t even the worst part: He was clad in black skinny jeans and a bright blue muscle shirt clinging tightly to his body - and what a body that was.

 You should tap that, his mind provided unhelpfully and he could feel blood rushing to his cheeks (and a bit more south) as his eyes got as round as saucers. The guy’s abs were clearly outlined in the tight shirt and his chest made Dan lick his lips.

 Jesus fucking Christ on a bicycle.

 When the guy spoke, Dan was ready to come on the spot. His voice was deep and oozing of sex, and as if that wasn’t bad enough - he had a northern accent mixed in with a bit of Iitalian.

 “Your flight got cancelled, too?”, he asked with a pitiful expression and Dan could do nothing else but nod, probably sporting an expression like a deer in the headlights. Is this real life?

 “I’m Phil,” the black-haired guy said and stuck out his hand towards Dan. “Dan,” he answered with some effort, voice croaky and high-pitched. He flinched inwardly. Way to make a great first impression, Dan, he said to himself as he took the offered hand and shook it carefully. A feeling not unlike an electric current raced from his hand up his arm and his breathing hitched yet again.

 And if he held onto the stranger’s - Phil’s - hand a lot longer than strictly necessary, then that was completely fine, because he probably hadn’t even noticed... Right?

 It was Phil’s deep voice that ripped him out of his thoughts. “So… You don’t have anything to do, either?” His eyes were shining with an almost dangerous glint and his lips were curled up in a smirk. Both left no room for interpretation in the most suggestive way and Dan couldn’t be sure what was keeping him upright; all he knew was that it took all his willpower to prevent his knees from buckling under him.

He managed the slightest nod of his head and a somewhat crooked smile in return but didn’t trust his voice. His hands were shaking more than the first time he had been allowed to jump from the large hill or when he got to introduce himself to the German national ski jumping coach. He had balled them into fists and buried deep in his jumper so it wasn’t too apparent, but that didn’t change the facts.

 The mischievous facial expression was still firmly in place when Phil asked him to spare the time waiting for further instructions with a coffee, and Dan just simply didn’t have it in him to say no. Nothing more.

 It definitely wasn’t like he inwardly rewarded himself with a pat on the shoulder when he managed to blurt out an “absolutely” without his voice breaking even once.

Fifteen minutes later Dan found himself sitting in a tiny cafe in a corner of the airport. They had both ordered a latté, and while waiting for it to appear they made light smalltalk, talking about the weather, where they had wanted to fly to. Phil was nice, funny, and his deep chuckles made Dan think of nights beneath the sheets. When he bent down in his seat to get his phone out of his backpack his shirt as well as a newly added sweater slipped up just the tiniest bit, revealing rippling muscles and the elastic band of obviously tight fitting Calvin Klein pants.

 Dan almost choked on his own spit and needed at least a few minutes to recover. When he came back to his senses, their coffees had arrived and Phil was cracking up.

 Smooth, Dan. Smooth.

 “You okay there, Dan?” Phil asked, grinning, his tongue poking out between his teeth. It looked so cute Dan felt himself blushing profusely.

 “Fine,” he croaked out, pointedly ignoring Phil’s smug smirk, instead picking up his latté to take a sip to cover up the redness creeping onto his face. He tried to act like nothing happened, but he knew Phil saw right through him.

 Screw him for knowing how fucking hot he is, Jesus fucking Christ.

 They drank their coffee accompanied by comfortable smalltalk. Dan learned that Phil was a few years older than him and born Rawtenstall, England. They didn’t talk much about their childhoods overall, which Dan wasn’t too disappointed about considering the mess that was his, and stayed clear of work related topics - that seemed kind of weird to him, like Phil had something to hide, but so had Dan, so he decided to let it slide. Aside from that they covered a lot of topics reaching from hobbies to music to movies, and, surprisingly, Dan found how much he had in common with Phil.

 They sat there talking for what felt like hours. By the time he had drank his fourth coffee he was on a serious caffeine-high, which didn’t go past Phil either, and so they both fidgeted and chuckled and blushed a lot. Dan felt like he fit right in with him and that almost overwhelmed him. Phil was a walking god, sex on legs, and Dan couldn’t believe he spent his time talking to him of all people. Also, meeting another British guy at an airport somewhere in the middle of Austria, what were the chances?

 Phil’s flirting got more obvious by the second and Dan found himself unable to resist. They had started leaning into each other’s personal space, casually placing a hand on the other’s thigh, and Phil’s eyes noticeably flitted to Dan’s lips at least ten times a minute.

 Dan was revelling in it. He loved the attention he got from someone as downright hot as Phil - attention he found himself returning freely. It wasn’t a secret he had the hots for the black-haired man in front of him, not to the increasingly annoyed waitress, nor to the man himself. Phil was aware that Dan fancied him, and Dan found himself not caring the slightest bit. He wanted this man, wanted whatever he was ready to give him, and to get it Phil needed to pick up on this growing crush.

 And apparently, that’s what he did. His comments got progressively obvious, up to the point where they were outright scandalous, even for Dan, who was not one to mince matters either. He didn’t mind at all - quite the obvious, actually. It was refreshing to have someone unmitigatedly admitting interest, to not dance around the issue and wonder about the if’s.

 Maybe it was formed by the situation they were in, stuck at an airport in the middle of nowhere with no way of knowing if their lives would fit together at all, but not even two hours after meeting it was clear to Dan they would be having sex sooner or later. So when Phil asked the waitress for the bill - and payed for it all without a word to Dan - before taking his hand and dragging him along to an almost completely deserted part of the airport, he wasn’t the slightest bit surprised.

 They found a bathroom at the furthest corner, not a soul around, and Phil ushered him inside with an urgency that came almost shocking to Dan. As soon as they were inside, the door closed behind them, Phil had him firmly pressed against it. He would have wondered about the sound of a lock clicking into place, but was lacking at least half of his brain capacity - until Phil’s lips met his and it all went flying out of the window.

 There was a ferocity, an intensity in his kiss that Dan never would have thought Phil was capable of.

 He liked it.

 Maybe a bit too much.

 A few minutes of furiously making out later Phil pressed his hips against Dan’s and Dan was done for. He could feel Phil’s hardness grinding against his own and moaned loudly against Phil’s lips.

 He could feel the smirk before Phil pulled away, regarding him with an unmistakable look that had Dan’s blood boiling. Phil was so freaking hot Dan wanted nothing more then to get his lips everywhere on Phil’s body - so that, he realized, was what he was going to do.

 His hands wandered to the zip of Phil’s jeans out of their own accord - and he found himself actually growling when Phil took a hold of his wrist before he could open it.

 “Before we do this,” Phil said pantingly, “I need to get something straight -”

 Without thinking, Dan interrupted him. “Honey, nothing about this is straight.”

 For a second it was so quiet he would’ve been able to hear a pin drop - then, out of nowhere, they both started laughing, soon clutching to each other to not fall over. Dan’s mind was so clouded by their previous activity, he didn’t even care that it definitely hadn’t been funny enough to justify this level of laughter.

 It took them far too long to calm down. Both of them had tears swimming in their eyes and Dan couldn’t help but shake his head disbelievingly. He was truly hilarious when his brain was not properly supplied with blood.

 “Okay, that’s true,” Phil conceded, still chuckling quietly, his hands resting on the wall behind Dan, bracketing him, “but let’s be serious for a second, okay?”

 Dan narrowed his grin to a slight smile, leaning forward to kiss Phil on the cheek sweetly. In his mind the wildest theories started blossoming - what the fuck was important enough to interrupt their previous activity for?? - but he did his best to not let it show.  “Of course. What is it?” His voice wavered slightly and he mentally facepalmed.

 Way to go, Dan.

 Phil’s eyes caught his in a look, holding them stronger than a vice. “I need you to understand that this,” he gesticulated between them, “is not supposed to be a one time thing, okay? I really like you, Dan.” Sincerity resonated so strongly in his voice Dan found his heart skipping a beat. It felt like happiness was seeping into his skin, making him glow from the inside out.

 “Me too, Phil.”

 For the single blink of an eye Phil stared at him as if he had seen a ghost, eyes wide opened, worry clouding their vibrant colour.

 Then his lips stretched to a wide smile, eyes shining so brightly Dan was sure their shine would blind him - but he didn’t look away.

 He didn’t even care.

 If that was what it’d cost, if he would have to lose his eyesight to stare at the picture in front of him for just a second longer, then he was more than willing to pay the prize.

 “You’re fucking beautiful,” he whispered, gently laying his hands on Phil’s cheeks before he leaned in, kissing him with the force of his feelings raging in his chest.

  After that, things naturally progressed to where they had been before the interruption. This time, when Dan made a move to pull down Phil’s jeans along with his pants he didn’t get stopped. Quite the contrary. Phil spurred him on with a sinful moan, and Dan had to bite his lower lip to keep himself from moaning right back.

 Instead he dropped to his knees in front of Phil, humming in pleasure when Phil’s cock sprang free, hard and flushed and glorious. He couldn’t wait to get it in his mouth.

 He didn’t know what it was exactly, but something spiked his motivation and skills to the notch. It might have been Phil’s sexiness or his charming words minutes earlier or something else entirely - he would probably never know.

 Nevertheless, whatever it was, it worked. Phil was panting and moaning and completely losing control mere minutes later, and before Dan knew it, he was coming down his throat.

 And even though Dan usually wasn’t one to like come in his mouth, he enjoyed it this time. A lot.

 It took Phil only seconds to move. Dan didn’t even have the opportunity to react, he suddenly got pulled to his feet and turned around, back slamming against the door behind him. Phil’s lips were on his faster then he was even able to comprehend the recent proceedings, attacking his own with a ferocity that made Dan moan into the kiss.

 He could feel Phil smirking before he pulled away, then there was a hand pressing against the bulge in his jeans while Phil sank to his knees before him and he abruptly lost all ability to function.

 The next few minutes were spent in utter bliss. His orgasm came faster than he would have liked it to, but he simply couldn’t push it down any longer, and he felt ridiculously good coming into Phil’s mouth.

 Is this what heaven feels like?

 It took them a while to recover from the whole ordeal. For some time they just stood there, clutching to each other as if for dear life, Dan’s jeans and pants still down to his ankles. Phil was pushed up against him, forehead resting on his shoulder, and for a second, everything seemed perfect. They had completely forgotten their surroundings, the fact that they had just blown each other in public toilets in the corner of an airport.

 Then Phil raised his head, bringing his lips next to Dan’s ears, and Dan almost felt ready for round two in the matter of seconds. “I’m going to fuck you one day.” A shudder ran down his spine and Dan found himself moaning.

 “Please,” he whispered back, breathless, voice hoarse.

 Then their bubble of hormones and flirting and sex got interrupted rather violently. With a shrill ding the intercom shrivelled to life, calling out the last boarding for Flug 268 nach Manchester, England, and Phil got as white as a sheet. “Shit!” he cursed, abruptly letting go of Dan and scrambling for his bag. “I’ll text you when I land!” he managed to exclaim, then he was gone.

 It was only a few hours later that Dan realized they had never exchanged numbers.

 ______

 Dan spent the summer training with the German national team. Originally he had only been planned to join up with them a month before the World Cup was supposed to start, but he had gotten a phone call shortly after Easter, asking him if he'd be up for spending the whole summer with the team, including bonding activities and a weeklong vacation. Obviously he hadn’t been able to say no.

 By the time the World Cup started up again it had been over half a year since he met Phil. He knew they didn’t even know each other’s last names or much other vital information, so Phil had no means to contact him, but the absence of any form of communication still made his skin itch and his nostrils flare in silent anger. It was probably just a coping mechanism, but he didn’t care. It was better than the sadness and sense of loss that he had no claim on anyway.

 Somewhere below the surface he knew, though. He knew what he felt towards Phil had been more than infatuation, more than a purely physical attraction.

 He had liked Phil. And somehow, even six months later, he still did.

 It was nothing short of a miracle that the whole ordeal didn’t affect his jumping or sporting ability. He was a bit absent sometimes or had too many thoughts to properly concentrate, but his fellow athletes as well as the coaching staff were understanding and even taught him some techniques to enhance his concentration. Surprisingly they mostly did their job and going into the winter season Dan felt as strong a ski jumper as never before.

 Most of his former problems and shortcomings had improved considerably, some had even turned into strengths. He was friends or at least on friendly terms with almost every last person in the Ggerman national team, including the staff as well as other athletes and medical attendees. He was more fit physically as well as mentally, and he understood the structure of a ski-jumping hill well enough to have a general idea of possible take-off points from just looking at it. The biggest improvement were his landings, though. Formerly shy of even landing with his feet properly paralleled, he now managed a nicely executed Telemark in nine out of ten times.

 Telemark landing meant that in the moment he’d touch the ground his knees were supposed to be slightly bend, one foot in front of the other in something resembling a step. It was hard to manage with the pressure the landing put on your body, especially your knees and ankles, and landing with your feet parallel was just much easier to handle. He had been slacking off on that for basically the entirety of his career, making the judges give him lower points for the jumps, meaning lower scores in total. The total score included style, distance, the wind factor during the jump as well as the gate factor (the starting gate affects the length of the approach, therefore affecting the speed and, in conclusion, the distance of the jump).

 Dan had always had his problems with more than one part of the process involved in ski jumping, but now, with a few months of excessive training and incredible coaches he had to admit he was getting quite… good. Not that he had been bad before, obviously, but he’d rarely had this proper flying feeling before - now it came almost natural.

 On the way to Wisla, Poland, he finally had the time to get nervous. The journey there was quite stressful, involving a flight to Katowice and a following car ride that was heavily slowed down by traffic. In total it took over three hours longer than originally planned and by the time they arrived at their hotel Dan was tired of overthinking and overall exhausted.

 Thankfully they had decided to head over a day early to give them all a smoother transition back into the strenuous schedule that was the ski jumping World Cup, so they had the luxury of taking the rest of the day off - at least aside from light muscle training to stay in shape. After that Dan fell into bed like a stone and didn’t open his eyes again until the next morning.

 __

 The following day was blocked for sightseeing and inspecting the jumping hill for the first time. Since it was tradition for the World Cup to start in Wisla, the rest of Team Germany had been here several times and knew the village, so they decided to stay in a café and drink some coffee, but Dan decided to bow out for the time being, rather doing that sightseeing. He had been here with the Continental Cup Team a few times, but never had had the opportunity to really look around.

 There was so much culture he was astounded. With him living in Oberstdorf, Germany, a pretty cultural village itself, it meant a lot that Wisla had even more to offer. He visited churches and castles and old mansions, so completely entranced by everything he saw he forgot to pay attention to the time. He was scheduled to meet back with his teammates to make the drive out to the jumping hill together later that day, but he still had plenty of time.

 Or so he had thought.

 While visiting an old shooting lodge he took the time to inspect the map of the village a hotel employee had handed him this morning, not watching where he was going until -

 Until his head, bowed down to look at the map, bumped into something hard and soft at the same time, making him recoil.

 “Goddamnit,” he groaned, at the same time as a voice that sounded somewhat familiar and a sense of dejavu overcame him, like he had heard it before, ringing alongside his own tone.

 And he had, he realized as he looked up and came face to face with the most handsome man he had ever met.

 Funnily enough the only feeling standing out was relief about the current weather, warm enough to make him take off his Team Germany coat once again. It was stuffed into his backpack instead and out of sight. The rest of the feelings raced through his body unacknowledged, clouding his head, his thoughts and his vision.

 “Phil,” he rapped out breathlessly when his head cleared just the tiniest bit, vision now completely captured by blue eyes and a kind smile.

 He hadn’t changed one bit. And what that meant was that he was still hot as hell.

 “Dan!”

 For a second he saw Phil’s eyes lighting up, his smile widening ridiculously, then he was enveloped in strong, long arms, keeping him pressed to the very same chest he had just ran into. “I’m so happy to meet you again,” Phil whispered into his ear softly, voice laced with relief. Dan wasn’t sure what made him shudder, the tone or his breath skimming over the sensitive skin of his earlobe. He pretended that it was the latter, nothing else but a reaction of his body, but deep down he was pretty much aware that there was more behind it.

 He had missed Phil. His voice, his smile, his touch. That his body was keeping it at a shudder was actually pretty fortunate.

 It took them ages to let go of each other.

 Or, in all honesty, they never did. They weren't hugging anymore, sure, but that didn't mean they weren’t touching - quite the contrary. While making their way to a nearby cafe they had constant physical contact - Phil’s hand on Dan’s lower back, their hands brushing together as if by accident, Phil’s long fingers gently wrapping around his wrist.

 When they had ordered their coffee they finally came to talking, and it was like they had never lost contact. Instead of speaking of the issue, exchanging phone numbers to not lose each other again, they stayed completely clear of that subject - Dan honestly didn’t even remember. Their conversations were too enthralling, encapturing.

 While drinking their coffee Dan realized Phil was still - or yet again - flirting. A hand casually dropped to his knee, sexual innuendos, eyes resting on his lips for far too long. Yet again, he found himself unable to care and desperate to reciprocate. The guy was like a drug, and Dan was hooked after just one shot.

 It came as no surprise to Dan that they locked themselves in the bathroom mere minutes later. Their kisses were desperate, like the other was the first sip of water after running through the desert for the six months they had spent apart. Dan was glad he wasn’t alone in his urgency, could perceive it clearly in the way Phil was clawing at him, in the way his lips started roaming over Dan’s neck in a matter of seconds.

 This time they weren’t patient enough for respective blowjobs. By the time they really started touching each other instead of just groping, they were both rock hard and desperate for release. Dan took it upon himself to take them both in his hands, stroking and tugging skillfully until first Phil, then himself jumped over the edge.

 They were still slightly out of breath when Dan’s phone rang in the pocket of his jeans. He ignored it, still resting his forehead on Phil’s shoulder, trying to catch up with reality. “That,” Phil rasped out in between breaths, completely ignoring the ringing phone, “Was incredible.”

 Dan chuckled in response. “Agreed.”

 By the time they had cleaned themselves up and tugged their jeans and underwear back on his phone started ringing again. Dan groaned in displeasure but fished it out of his pocket to take a look at the caller ID.

 The name flashing up made his blood freeze in his veins and he checked the time in a panic haste. “Fuck,” he mumbled under his breath, and Phil looked up from buckling up his belt.

 “Everything okay?” he asked, clear worry in his voice, and Dan raised his head to look up at him. He could feel his eyes widen out of their own accord when he processed the time. “No!” he practically screamed then. “I really gotta go. Fuck. Can you take care of the tab for me?”

 He barely even waited for Phil’s hesitant nod before he picked up his backpack from the ground and hurried out of the bathroom. The urgent “Dan, wait!” faded away unprocessed.

 ____

 It was during his first competition jump the memory finally dawned on him. He had hurried so much to get to the meeting point with his team as soon as possible he hadn’t even begun to process things, and it seemed like only during the jump did the stress of the last few days finally ebb away.

 He had had barely scratched the qualification distance, ending the qualifying as 59th with 60 jumpers qualified for the actual competition. But when he finally took off down the hill the day after, when he flew through the air and realized he had met the take-off point almost perfectly this time, it all just crumbled away, all the worries, all the apprehension rolled down the hill and out of sight.

 He realized he and Phil had forgotten to change numbers yet again, but surprisingly, he didn’t panic, not in the slightest. Somehow there was this certainty in him that told him he would meet Phil again, sooner or later; a deep tranquillity laid itself over him, made him focus on the jump with everything he had.

 It only took the fraction of a second, the realization and coming to peace with it, and afterwards was the first time in days -  maybe weeks or even months - his head was completely clear, nothing clouding his judgement. With piercing clarity he felt his right shoulder starting to fold back, to give into the wind instead of holding against it, and did his best to push it back forward, gently to not disturb the airstream that kept him up.

 During the last portion of the jump, where usually the support of the air fizzled away and there wasn’t much else to do but to initiate a landing, there was suddenly a stream of air, just a fraction of what had carried him down the hill, but it was something, and he laid himself onto it with everything he had.

  It brought him the few meters that made a good jump an amazing jump. And with the second jump being equally great, he managed to finish in the top ten in his first competition with the German World Cup Team.

 ____

 Overall Dan’s performance over the whole weekend was quite good. Werner Schuster, their coach, approached him on sunday shortly before their journey back home and rewarded him with a rare praising speech and a fatherly pat on the shoulder. The team celebrated him like he had won one of the competitions, even though he merely made it into the Top 10 at both of them; but they were so excited he couldn’t help but celebrate with them. The support they all gave him was incredible and his roommate, Karl Geiger, who also lived in Oberstdorf, even invited him round for video games the following week.

 The next weekend they spent at the World Cup in Kuusamo, Finnland, where the first team competition would take place. Those were a whole different deal to Dan, changing the dynamics and energy in the team completely, and to his utmost surprise he even got nominated for it, even though it consisted of only four competitors, with a total team quantity of six members.

 He was the second to jump. Andreas Wellinger, his teammate and first competitor for the German Team, had scored fairly well and put them into third place right after Norway and Poland, so it was his task to at least uphold that position. And he managed to, without much problem, even creeping closer to Poland, but when he had arrived in the leadersbox - both teams placing before them hadn’t jumped yet - for a second he thought he saw blue eyes and shiny black hair standing out of the crowd of onlookers.

 As soon as he turned to take a closer look the figure was gone, but something inside him told him he hadn’t imagined it, and somehow, that made him skittish and excited at the same time.

 Germany placed second in the competition, and the team took Saturday night off to celebrate that with a round of cards they all enjoyed, maybe a bit too much.

 When he awoke at Sunday morning Karl, and, when he came down into the breakfast hall, the rest of the team wasn’t awake yet. That wasn’t really an oddity as it was still quite early, and ski jumpers tended to be late risers - but what was odd was that Dan was already awake and filled to the brim with motivation. They were only scheduled to get to the hill at around two pm, so he decided to take the time before that for some sightseeing through Kuusamo. He left Karl a note to find when he’d wake up, took a hoodie and a backpack and made his way through the beautiful village.

 This time, he didn’t run into him. It wasn’t that fateful, didn’t seem that much like a scene straight out of a movie, but was quite special nonetheless.

When he lazily slendered over the old marketplace, looking around, admiring old architecture, there was a voice calling his name and when he looked around, there he was - Phil, in black skinny jeans, a fitted hoodie and in all his glory. “I knew I’d see you again,” he basically moaned, and before Dan could even react he was being kissed.

 This time there was no flirting beforehand, no hesitation, no what do you want exactly?, only their desire for each other. Phil smuggled him into his hotel room, but even though Dan was quite aware what exactly Phil wanted - he himself wanted it, too, without a doubt - he had an important competition in under six hours and hadn’t been stretched for months now, so he remorsefully stopped Phil before he started doing just that.

 “No sex today. Okay? And be careful, I haven’t been stretched for months,” he huffed out in between breaths and the smirk on Phil’s face became nothing short of smug. “Have saved yourself for me, have you?” he mumbled into Dan’s ear before gently caressing the sensitive skin there with his tongue and Dan lost all ability to focus.

 “Maybe,” he whispered back, as collected as possible, and then everything dissolved into a rush of limbs and clothes and moans. It felt so good Dan completely lost all tethers to reality, lost himself in Phil.

 When they were both done and Phil had gently cleaned Dan up - in the cutest way any guy had ever done for him, that was for certain - they were just lying in bed, Dan’s head resting on Phil’s chest while they held each other close. Somewhere in the distance music was running as a background noise and from time to time, they’d say something, briefly discuss a topic, but mostly they were silent, quietly reveling in the intimacy.

 They remembered to exchange numbers this time, and Dan made it back to his hotel in time without a problem. The competition went by smoothly, he finished 14th, but Karl won the competition and the team lost all of their cool, celebrating deep into the night. ___ Phil’s first message made Dan dance through his flat for minutes, before he picked up his phone and texted back with a coolness that he in no way possessed. From there onwards it became increasingly natural to text him in almost every situation. They told each other everything - aside from anything relating to their jobs, which was still a topic that they stayed peculiarly clear of. Dan got progressively anxious about it, but couldn’t say anything either - he really didn’t want to tell Phil about his career. He feared rejection, laughter, anger; having a relationship with an athlete was often more work than it was worth, and he was aware of that. Not that they had a relationship - and what Dan wished for them to have was completely beside the point.

 When they met in Nizhny Tagil, Russia and Engelberg, Switzerland, it became increasingly hard to ignore the issue, but they did their best. They just avoided bringing it up, asking if the other was in town too by sending them seemingly innocent pics of the town signs. They met up at both places and fooled around. Phil noticed how much easier it was to stretch Dan open, and Dan admitted with burning hot cheeks that he had done it himself the past few weeks to be able to take Phil in the future. Phil assured him that it would come really useful the next time they saw each other, and Dan almost came just from that thought.

 The World Cup circus took place two weeks later, after Christmas, in his hometown Oberstdorf. Phil knew he lived here, so he didn’t even send a picture, just asked for the address and was there less than half an hour later. At this point Dan was utterly convinced it wasn’t just a series of coincidences, but found himself unable to do anything about it. He refrained from asking - because it would make the issue real, and because he was afraid of the answer.

 Dating, or even having an affair with a member of another team was not an option, even if he only belonged to the medical or technical staff. He was pretty sure he’d have seen Phil before if he’d be a fellow athlete, but couldn’t be certain of that either.

 So he kept quiet and continued to live in a blissful state of ignorance. When Phil arrived at his place he had a bottle of wine in the fridge and dinner on the stove, but they barely had the time to eat it before Phil dragged him into the bedroom and disposed of their clothes.

 He was gentle, so, so gentle, and didn’t seem to be in a hurry at all while Dan had fallen completely pliant before Phil even asked for the lube. He felt like he was on his way to paradise. Phil’s touches swept like clouds of ecstasy across his skin and Dan was utterly high on endorphins before they even truly began.

 When Phil’s first lube-coated finger entered him he couldn’t help but moan. He could feel Phil’s erection pressing into his thigh with the way he hovered over him and couldn’t wait to have it inside of him.

 Fortunately for him that also seemed to be Phil’s goal. He took his time, worked Dan open thoroughly, but there was an underlying urgeness that made Dan shiver.

 Phil pushed into him after making sure Dan was okay, slowly at first, then faster, and found Dan’s prostate almost instantly. His thrusts were strong and confident but careful and gentle at the same time and Dan was sure he had arrived in paradise. If there was another goal in life than to achieve the utter bliss he was in he was not interested in meeting it - at least not in that moment.

 Afterwards they cuddled up together in Dan’s bed, Brooklyn 99 running in the background. Phil had asked for Buffy - apparently it was not available in Italy so he usually spent most of his time abroad watching it - but gasped theatrically when Dan had to inform him that Buffy was not available on Netflix in Germany either, acting utterly affronted by the prospect. Phil’s pout made Dan’s brain short-circuit, offering him nothing but code 500 - error because of cuteness overload.

 “I can stay overnight, but I need to get going first thing in the morning. If you want me to?” Phil whispered when it had been silent for a while, and Dan looked up to him from his place on his chest. “I’d love that, Phil,” he assured him and they shared a kiss so sweet Dan was sure he’d be needing insulin.

 They still didn’t define their relationship, held back by all the unresolved circumstances, but they both knew it was more than just sex - and that seemed to be enough, if only for this night.

 ___

 By the time Dan woke up the next morning Phil was gone, but he had left him a sweet note on his pillow including a drawn heart and a message on WhatsApp. Dan wore a far-off smile the whole day and got teased endlessly by his teammates.

 He finished qualifying as 29th, and it made him utterly proud. The four hills tournament was infamous and prestigious, and in all his former attempts on his home hill he had been eliminated in the qualifying. Jumping at home was a whole different story than jumping anywhere else, and truth be told, he had never been able to handle the pressure. The sole participation of a World Wup was an honour, especially at home.

 The home team was allowed to have additional starters, so Dan had competed in the World Cup here before, but this year everything was different. This year, Karl clapped him on the back before he had to get ready for his jump, and Andi Wellinger wolf-whistled jokingly when he zipped his suit back up.

 The four hills tournament competitions were different than the others. Instead of the thirty best competitors advancing to the second round the first round was jumped out in duels, and winning your duel sent you to the second round regardless of the other competitors. Additionally, the five best athletes who lost their duel advanced, too - those were called lucky losers. The whole mode gave the competition more tension, making it more attractive for fans as well as for the athletes themselves, and Dan had always loved the concept.

 His duel opponent was an Italian athlete called Philip Lester. The Italian team had not achieved much for years now, losing and regaining their privilege to compete in the World Cup over and over again. Lester was a mostly blank page as far as the World Cup results were concerned, often even failing to make it into the actual competition. He made a few World Cup points in Wisla last year, meaning he made it into the top 30, and one top ten spot - in Oberstdorf.

 Still, both Dan and the coaches weren’t too worried. He should be able to do it.

 He was so focused on competing that the name didn’t even make him perk up - and he would come to regret that.

 On the competition day Dan was so nervous he thought he recognized Phil as one of the competitors in the waiting room, but he put it down as nothing but nerves and tried to focus on himself again. Karl gave him a few tips to cope with the pressure of a home World Cup and Dan was surprisingly successful in executing them, making him more focused and relaxed.

 Then it was his turn to jump. He had to set a standard for his opponent to meet, what made it even more precarious - he had no idea how far he’d have to go, so he decided to just give his all, no matter the cost.

 And how much that was.

 While jumping Dan was completely oblivious to the distance he had already passed. Only when he came close to landing he realized how far down hill he was, almost over the kurve of the hill, to the point where the ground got even again and the force to the bones in landing got a lot bigger.

 When he initiated the landing he could feel the compression all the way up to his torso, but he forced himself to attempt a telemark landing. His right foot almost slipped, making him slinger, but he managed to keep them together, preventing a fall.

 The fans cheered so loudly it was like a wave of support slammed against him, but instead of pushing him under it picked him up and carried him safely to the exit. He detached his skiers from his boots and picked them up, taking his place at one of the marked points next to the exit. For a second the atmosphere got tense as the points from the judges arrived and the computer calculated his end result, but then the arena was back to a loud cheering. The judges had given him points around 18 and with 20 being the maximum, that was a lot. He got a few points subtracted for good wind, but the end result was still great.

 While his opponent got ready the whole arena was so quiet Dan would have been able to hear a pin drop, making him even more anxious. He knew that he had great chances of advancing via lucky losers even if Lester beat him, but the wait was still almost too much.

 In the stress he completely forgot to pull off his ski glasses and helmet.

 Then his opponent landed and the whole arena erupted into cheering. Even without the points from the judges and the wind points it was obvious he’d get a lot less points than Dan, landing quite a few meters in front of the green line indicating his own distance.

 So, instead of watching the big screen showing the results, as he normally would have, he focused on his opponent, sliding down to the exit while simultaneously pulling off his glasses -

 It hit Dan like a hammer to the chest, knocking all the air out of his lungs.

 He knew those eyes. He’d recognize the piercing blue anywhere.

 Suddenly he felt sick to his stomach.

 “Phil.”

 ____

 They both carried on like nothing had happened. Dan had ripped down his glasses in something close to a trance, and Phil almost fell over before he even came to a complete halt, but they acted like nothing happened. Nothing.

 They high-fived, moved to a man hug, clapping each other on the back, then let go to move their separate ways; Dan to the leader box and Phil around the hill to his staff. It left Dan completely numb, somewhat detached from his body, for at least half an hour.

 Then Andi Wellinger arrived next to Dan to keep him company and somehow managed to get him back to reality. It wasn’t that he felt completely fine, that he wasn’t bothered anymore, no; it was more that Dan had locked the discovery in a tiny box and buried it somewhere in the back of his mind where he’d never stumble across it without actively searching it out. The emanating feelings he pushed down, down, down, until they were nothing but a faint whisper.

 That probably wasn’t the most healthy coping mechanism, but it at least allowed him to function as a reasonably sane human being. He simply didn’t have the time to deal with it - not right now. Not in the middle of a competition that was on its best way to making one of his biggest dreams come true.

 Only a few more jumpers and so far no one had come even close to his score. Andi was cheering loudly, but kept him occupied with jokes and funny stories, and Dan was so, so grateful for his presence.

 They both rooted for their teammates and celebrated with Karl when he won his duel, ranking on the fourth place.

 Then, like it happened completely unforeseen, the first round was over and Dan was still first, even with a pretty huge margin, and he didn’t seem able to cope. The second round started sooner then he’d hoped - he would’ve appreciated some time to calm down and refocus, but it seemed like time was flying, hurtling past so fast he couldn’t keep up.

 Even though he barely comprehended it was happening his second jump went great. Not as good as the first one, sure, but enough to keep his position and secure his first win of a World Cup - on his home hill!

 The German team celebrated loudly, almost excessively that night. Sure, they had to get to packing, moving over to Garmisch for the next qualifier tomorrow, but Andi, Karl, Stephan Leyhe and him had decided to take the same car, and they had a lot of fun on the two hour drive. When they arrived at their hotel they all got together for a round of cards, including their Coach and two other team members.

 Obviously, it was only stress keeping him from checking his phone - or so he tried to make himself believe.

 ___

 He didn’t sleep well that night. At around five am he finally gave into his anxious thoughts and checked his phone for messages, and surely enough, there was one from Phil waiting for him.

 I knew it was too good to be true.

 Dan’s heart skipped a beat before it started to throb painfully in his chest. Their harmony, the way they were completely in sync with each other, their wordless communication - all of that made him read between the lines, made him realize that Phil had made the decision…

 The only decision they had ever been allowed to make.

 He texted nothing back but one single word.

 Goodbye.

 ___

 The following weeks raced past Dan so fast he was unable to conceive any of it. He did well enough in the other competitions, placing in the top twenty in all of them. During the whole weekend in Val di Fiemme, Italy, he didn’t even seem to be conscious, only recalling the events vaguely afterwards. During the World Cup in Zakopane, Poland as well as their week spent in Sapporo, Japan he started to regain consciousness, but it felt like he wasn’t really there, like he was observing it from somewhere far away.

 At the beginning of February the World cup circus returned to Oberstdorf for ski flying. Surprisingly, Werner Schuster had given Dan the go to compete in it, despite the fact that he was young and mostly unexperienced in ski flying, and he needed some time to process that. So on the night before the first competition he decided to step out, take a walk around the beautiful village he called his home.

 As he strolled through the quaint, peaceful alleys, over the old market place, the Nebelhorn, the highest mountain directly connected to the village, stood tall and proud in the distance, faint light and blinking indicating the usage of snow groomers on the piste. He came to a halt in front of the large letters spelling out Oberstdorf in the spa park, encaptured by the sight in the distance. All of this meant so much to him, his life, his career, his home - and even though he missed his family back in England from time to time he knew he would never go back there. He had grown up here, in a boarding school for winter athletes, and was grateful his parents had let him make this decision.

 Still, sometimes he wished he was nothing but a normal boy - someone who could follow wherever his heart lead him.

 He knew, right now it lead to Phil.

 Tears started prickling in his eyes, obscuring his vision; white blended with the yellow shine of the lightbulbs and the pitch black of the night sky to an abstruse mashup of colours that started spinning until he couldn’t even distinguish between the ground and the sky. For the first time since this fateful competition he let himself think about it, let himself open the box and stop pushing down the feelings bubbling inside of him.

 It hurt. It hurt a whole lot. His heart laid in thousands of fragments in front of him, smashed on the cold, hard ground that was his reality. He didn’t grieve about a lost love, not yet, but about the what could have been. A voice told him this relationship could have developed into something big, and that only hurt more.

 When he toppled over, two strong arms engulfed him, and he sunk against a chest, into a smell so familiar he couldn’t stop the tears from falling any longer.

��“Phil,” he sobbed into the thick winter coat, holding on to the man in front of him with everything he had, mumbling his name, over and over and over again.

 Phil. Phil. Phil.

 When he calmed down Phil was still there, gently caressing his hair and placing kisses onto it, all the while mumbling sweet nothings. Dan felt like bursting into tears all over again.

 “Dan, can we talk?” he asked when it had been quiet for a while, nothing but Dan’s still ragged breath and the odd calling of a bird interrupting the silence. Maybe he should have, but Dan simply didn’t have it in him to say no.

 ___

 Their talking turned into having sex as soon as they set foot into Dan’s flat and he wasn’t even surprised about it. He knew about the pull Phil had on him, mentally and physically, and he had pushed it down for so long he was proud he hadn’t bulged sooner.

 They ravished, revelled in each other - quite literally, on Phil’s side - without a sense of guilt or remorse. They were both completely aware of the situation, making conscious decisions - they could’ve stopped. Probably.

 Truth was, Dan didn’t want to.

 Truth was, Dan had spent the last few weeks barely even existing, subconsciously often so focussed on avoiding Phil that everything else seemed to smaller in comparison. He wanted more than that. More than existing - more than a tiny piece of his energy focussed on his sports. He loved being a ski jumper. And if keeping Phil was what he needed for that - so be it. It was a win-win situation, really.

 They did talk afterwards, in hushed whispers and mumbled assurances, but they talked, with a clarity and certainty that surprised them both. They agreed to keep seeing each other, casually, but seriously enough to make them promise to not see anyone else at the side.

 For Dan it was the boost of confidence and consciousness he needed. Sure, Werner Schuster hadn’t said much about his slacking performance and dropping results but the relief on his face when Dan managed to place second in the ski flying World Cup the next day spoke volumes.

 Overall, the following weeks Dan walked as if on clouds. There was a spring in his steps and a constant smile on his face and his teammates wouldn't let him hear the end of it. Even the quiet and shy Stephan Leyhe gave suggestive remarks that had Dan blushing crimson every time.

 Through the whole rest of the season, everything was more than amazing. Dan managed to get into the top ten in the overall World Cup and the German team was more than proud of him, celebrating him even days afterwards, even though there were others that managed to do the same. It was because he was a new addition, they kept telling him, and he couldn’t help but to grin widely about it. He was a part of the team now. He belonged there. It seemed more like a dream than reality - and yet it was.

 He was sure he had never felt as happy as this off-season. He spent the summer between training with the rest of his team, his friends, and Phil, basically travelling back and forth between Val di Fiemme, where Phil lived, and his home. He went on vacation / trainingscamp to the south sea with his team and made a journey home to see his parents and his little brother, and they finally stopped judging him for being an athlete - no, they almost seemed proud.

 Overall, he was thriving.

 The fall back to hard, unforgiving reality couldn’t have been harsher.

 He had to admit it was some case of hybris, of megalomania. They had been so save for months now that the beginning of the world cup made them reckless. Phil would sneak into Dan’s cabin for a quickie, or they’d hide behind them for a makeout-session. Later, Dan would question if it had been worth it for a bit of sex and a few stolen kisses, but he wouldn’t be able to estimate the worth of the time he had shared with Phil.

 It was invaluable.

 __

It wasn’t that one, single discovery, not someone running in on them having sex or catching them kissing, like it happened in movies or TV-shows.

 No, it all started with simple rumors.

 They were vague and innocent at the beginning; two athletes were said to hook up regularly, identities unknown. Andi, or Welli, as they called him, filled Dan in with low whispers and a hushed tone and Dan didn’t even think much about it. Affairs between jumpers weren’t common, sure, but not unheard of either, so he just assumed it was about someone from the widely varying austrian team.

 Then it got more specific. A German and an Italian, Andi told him a week later as they waited for their training to pick back up after a weather-inconvenience, and added a few suggestive questions just for good measure. Dan’s blood ran cold for just a second, then he was back to himself, shot a few equally suggestive remarks back and thought that was the end of it. He texted Phil that they should be a bit more careful but forgot about it just a few hours later.

 He never would have thought it would get through to the coaches.

 The next friday after the qualifying Werner Schuster got the whole team and his Co-trainer together at a table. It was the last World Cup station before christmas, the third one in the running season, so things had started to get back to normal after the commonly slack first two World Cups, so Dan didn’t even think to be worried. They had those team-meetings almost every week. Sure, the urgency in his trainer’s tone had caught him of guard, but it was probably just about the dropping performances this week. Surely. Certainly.

 “Glaubt nicht, dass ich das hier gern mache, Jungs,” he started and Dan raised an eyebrow to a perfect half circle, exchanging a quick look with Karl, who had come to be his best friend. He was shy and reserved, but he had warmed up to Dan, and them living in the same village had pushed them together quite quickly. They were able to talk about everything with each other, always shared a room and laughed about the same inside jokes, and Dan appreciated him a lot.

Don’t think I enjoy doing this, guys.

 “Es ist mir zu Ohren gekommen, dass einer von euch,” he focused directly on each and every one of them; Dan did his best to stay cool when his coach’s eyes came to a halt on his face, but he knew he’s a bad actor, “eine Affäre mit einem Springer hat. Aus einem anderen Land.” Dan had to gulp. He tried to keep it hidden, but Karl shot him a worried look and Dan started to become anxious. He crossed his arms in front of his chest to keep his hands from shaking. Karl still didn’t seem convinced, though, he knew him too well for that.

It has come to my attention that one of you has an affair with a jumper. From another country.

 “Es ist mir grundsätzlich egal, was ihr mit eurer Freizeit anstellt, Jungs. Aber ich muss euch dran erinnern, dass eine Affäre mit einem Konkurrenten gegen die Regeln ist.” For a while it was silent after this. They all looked up, avoided their Coach’s eyes while fervently searching for those of the others, all flitting through the room, trying to figure out who it was - and how to help them. Only Karl’s eyes stayed firmly on Dan’s face. He could feel them boring into him, and if it would have been anyone else’s they would have felt like daggers. Not Karl’s, though. Karl’s felt like honey on his skin, smooth and sweet. He was properly worried now, Dan was sure.

I generally don’t care what you’re doing with your free time, guys. But I have to remind you of the fact that an affair with an opponent is against the rules.

 “Ich will gar nicht wissen, wer’s war. Es interessiert mich nicht mal wirklich. Ich hab euch drüber informiert dass ich das leider nicht dulden kann, und damit ist die Sache für mich durch. Aber ihr wisst, dass Regelverstoß einen Ausstoß aus dem Team nach sich ziehen kann, so leid es mir tut. Gute nacht, Jungs.” With that, he got up and left, his Co-Trainer trailing behind him. Dan knew it wasn’t meant as harsh as it had sounded. Werner Schuster was a nice guy and a really good coach. But he also didn’t like slagging. Usually it was just pranks and jokes - they were a tight knit pack who liked laughing - but this - this was huge.

I don’t wanna know who it was. I don’t even really care. I’ve now informed you that I can’t tolerate such behaviour, and the thing’s done and over with in my book. But you know that a violation of our rules can entail expulsion from the Team, as sad as that would make me. Good night guys.

 After a while of silent conversation the others got up and left. Dan trailed behind them, feeling numb all over and completely not in control of the situation. His hand flitted to the phone in his jeans, but he didn’t pick it up, didn’t know what to say - didn’t even know what he wanted to say. This was his job, his career, and sure, a job wasn’t everything, but this was more than that. This was his life. He had finally made it, finally started to get somewhere, to have success - he didn’t want to, no, he couldn’t risk it all for a man he fooled around with.  

 He’s more than someone you fool around with, and you know that. You love him.

 Dan pushed the voice away but deep down he knew it was right. He loved Phil.

 What a cruel time to have that realization, Dan mused quietly, and watched almost indifferently as his heart shattered into a thousand pieces all over again.

 We have to stop. For good., he typed into his phone. Coach caught wind of something fishy. I love you. Goodbye.

 _____

 Karl found him half an hour later, sitting in his bed in a curled up position and staring into the darkness of the room. He had just come out of the bathroom, already in his piyama, and sighed worriedly when he took note of Dan’s current state. He sat down next to him and slided over till he was positioned similarly to Dan, back pressed into the wall.

 “Also warst du’s,” he whispered quietly. It wasn’t a question, it was a statement, but Dan still nodded slowly. “Und Phil Lester?”

So it was you. And Phil Lester?

 His head shot up on his own accord and he could feel his eyes widen. For a moment he was frozen in shock, then he turned his head to stare at his best friend next to him. “Wie…?” His voice was completely hoarse, more a breath than a word, but Karl still managed to pick up on it.

How…?

 “Keine Sorge, es war nicht offensichtlich. Ich kenne Phil bloß schon eine Weile und er war nie so… Glücklich wie er gewesen ist seitdem du dabei bist. Ihr wart beide komplett durcheinander nach eurem Duell bei der Vierschanzentournee, und das schien ein zu großer Zufall zu sein.”

Don’t worry, it wasn’t obvious. I’ve just known Phil for a long time, and he has never been as… Happy as he’s been since you’re here. Then you were both completely out of it after the Duel at the four hills tournament, and it seemed too much for a coincidence.

 Dan calmed down considerably, laid his head back onto his knees, but refrained from saying anything. What was there to say, really?

 “Ich vermute du wusstest nicht, dass er auch ein Springer ist?”

I’m guessing you didn’t know he’s a jumper too?

 Dan just nodded, silently marvelling in the perceiving skills of his best friend. How freakishly observant was he, exactly, to puzzle that together all on his own?

 “Und als du’s realisiert hast war’s zu spät.”

And by the time you realized it was too late.

 Again, Dan just nodded. Even though he was still numb tears started to come into his eyes, but he couldn’t be bothered to move. Still, Karl noticed.

 “Wir schaffen das, Dan,” he said gently, moving closer to Dan and wrapping an arm around him. “Du bist nicht allein.”

We’ll get through this, Dan. You’re not alone.

 For the longest time they just sat there in the darkness, and Dan had never been more grateful for the silent, unconditional support Karl tended to offer than in this single moment.

 ____

 Seeing Phil after this was torture. Unfortunately for him, Dan’s consciousness had not decided to clink itself out again, so he was there and coherent when he ran by Phil on his way to the World Cup the next morning. They didn’t say anything, but their eyes met for just a second and the broken, defeated nod Phil gave him almost smashed him to pieces. Karl was there to keep him upright, keep him stable, to refrain him from snapping in half, but Dan knew it weighed heavy on his shoulders. Karl was a unbelievably compassionate man and seeing his friend this hurt didn’t go easy on him.

 It didn’t get considerably better after this. It was kind of the same, day in and day out he missed Phil with every fibre of his being. Anything reminded him about their time together and anything had the power to make him break down all over again. Karl was like a tower of strength right beside him all along the way, supporting him in a way that no one else could.

 Dan decided to stay home over Christmas. He was still grieving, nursing on his broken heart. The situation with Phil had broken it once already, but he had been able to mend it back together. Broken twice, though… It would take a long time to get over that, and a confrontation with his family would definitely not be helpful along the way.

 After Christmas came the Four Hills tournament, and Dan did terribly. It wasn’t that he wasn’t concentrated, wasn’t focused; it felt more like there was just no resistance in the air when he jumped, or at least not as much as he needed. Like the air was parting for him. Karl assured him it was only temporary, that he’d get better again as the season progressed, but Dan wasn’t so sure about that. Phil’s absence from his life weight heavily on him, dragging him down; like a rock had replaced his shattered heart and there was no way to shake it off.

 Werner Schuster didn’t ask any questions. They did their meetings, sure, analyzing Dan’s jump from all angles, but there was nothing they could do for him - technically, his jumps were completely fine. He held the skis in the right angle, the knees completely straight, his shoulders were pushed forward the slightest bit, just like they were supposed to, and his neck strained just the right amount. Even his take-off points were fine on most hills - he gave his coaches a mystery they had no idea how to solve.

 His emotions were the problem, his consciousness - his confidence. It was like Phil had taken it all away with him when he left, taken it away with no intentions to return it. The place usually occupied by his confidence felt empty, hollow in his chest and Dan just couldn’t deal with it. Phil had taken even more than just his heart, leaving him with a feeling so foreign he wasn’t able to decipher it.

 The worst part was that they both still cared. It wasn’t like in a usual breakup, where Dan could just trash talk his ex under alcoholic influence until they were nothing but a laughingstock. Phil hadn’t been shit to him or betrayed him or been emotionally horrid - there was nothing but environmental influences keeping them apart and that hurt even more than any other possible reason for a break up.

 Whenever he would meet Phil’s eye, when they sat together in the waiting room, when they passed each other between the technician’s cabines, there were still so many feelings shining in them Dan felt ready to break down and wail in agony right then and there. Karl was usually able to keep him sane, collected; he also kept him from doing stupid, reckless things.

 Competitive sportsmen where not really supposed to drink a lot of alcohol, but they were germans - drinking beer was practically a requirement to get into the team, meaning they were all able to hold their liquor quite well. But sometimes, when they felt really spent or restricted they'd open a bottle of some strong kind of alcoholic beverages and started drinking, for the sole purpose of loosing up, of getting drunk. During those time, he was most tempted to text or call or simply visit Phil, and it fell to Karl to keep him from that.

 “Es wär alles gut,” he slurred one night, “Wenn ich hät Tschüss sagen können, weißt du? Wenn ich’s gewusst hät. Wenn ich seinen Schwanz mehr hätte schätzen können. Ihn mir einprägen können.” That froze Karl in a state of mild confusion - he had obviously no idea how to deal with that statement; like he wasn’t sure if he should be embarrassed about it or just sad.

Everything would be okay if I could’ve said goodbye ya know? If i would’ve known. Could’ve appreciated his cock more. Memorized it.

 They both knew it was a lie, too. They both knew that one single night would not be able to fix this, to get his feelings back in order. They also both knew that this was about so much more than just Phil’s cock.

 Dan had been in too deep for that.

 As the time progressed Dan’s performance stagnated at a bad level, but for Phil, it was like he was thriving. He brought in continuous top ten results and during his home World Cup in Val di Fiemme he even managed to snatch the second place. Dan was happy for him, obviously, but he was also devastated, not sure what to make of it. He knew Phil had been in for more than the sex. He knew Phil missed him - or at least he suspected it, with the longing looks they shared sometimes that made Dan lose reality. So why was he not more affected by it? Why did it seem to get Phil’s spirits up instead of down?

 Karl offered to get him the questions answered. He had forbidden Dan from seeking out direct contact, but he himself was a whole different story. He had always been friendly with Phil, he explained, and if he asked like a onlooker instead of someone who knew the story, he’d get the answers Dan needed - craved.

 “Er sagt er ist wütend,” Karl informed him just a week later while they were waiting for their sushi. The World Cup took place in Sapporo, Japan that weekend, and Dan had always loved sushi, so they had decided to go out for Dinner - just because they could. “Das… macht irgendwie Sinn,” Dan answered, eyes trained on the food in front of him, intently avoiding Karl’s gaze. “Wut auf das System.” He could see Karl nodding opposite to him, then a sharp intake of breath. “Das System...” he breathed, now the one avoiding the other’s eyes. Dan didn’t really follow, so he kept quiet. It was probably nothing anyway.

He says he’s angry.

That… kinda makes sense. Anger about the system.

The system...

___

 It happened once again the night before the ski flying World Cup at his home. Dan was wandering through the streets absentmindedly, trying to clear his head, when the thoughts overwhelmed him - the sadness, the loss. It danced in front of his eyes in the form of broad, black circles, obscuring his vision, stealing his consciousness. When he toppled over, Phil was there once again, catching him just in the fall.

 “Dan,” he whispered, breathlessly, wrapping his arms around him as if he never wanted to let go again. Dan reciprocated the hug weakly, choking back a sob.

 It only felt natural to pull back, to lean in for a kiss. It was overwhelming, incredibly amazing, and Dan just couldn’t comprehend how something so wrong could feel so bloody right.

 “We can’t do this,” he said quietly as he pulled back, letting his forehead sink against Phil’s. There were tears swimming in the man’s eyes and Dan just wanted the earth to open up and swallow him whole. He couldn’t stand being in this situation, couldn’t stand being responsible for this.

 “I know,” was Phil’s broken answer, and Dan had to squeeze his eyes shut.

 “I’ll never forget you,” Phil whispered, pressing a tender kiss onto Dan’s forehead, and then he was gone.

 ___

 “Ich kann das nicht mehr.”

I can’t do this anymore.

 Dan’s sobbing made it almost impossible to speak, but he knew Karl would be able to tell - to understand.

 He ushered him into his flat in less than the blink of an eye. He took Dan’s coat and sat him down on the sofa, a steaming cup of tea in his hands mere minutes later. He listened to Dan’s ramble, his incoherent explanation; he wordlessly took the cup away when Dan started crying again, and then he held him, wordlessly, as he broke down all over again.

 “Dan, Ich… Ich hab da eine Idee. Um alles besser zu machen. Gib mir noch ein bisschen Zeit, okay?”

Dan, I… I had an idea. An idea to make it all better. Just give me a bit more time, okay?

 Dan was sure the quiet murmur he’d registered in a state halfway between sleep and wake had been nothing more than a dream.

 ___

 The next World Cup in Lahti, Finland was unsurprisingly hard for him. He had never particularly liked the hill, even before he’d lost his ski jumping abilities - or that was what it felt like anyway - and after the scene he’d had with Phil it was kind of obvious from the very beginning that concentrating on jumping was impossible.

 But it seemed like he wasn’t the only one distracted. Karl seemed oddly out of it, absentminded; he talked a lot with the rest of the team and was often in private conversations with the others. Dan’s consciousness, glad to concentrate on anything else then his broken heart, flung onto that so fast he was getting whiplashes. He just didn’t know what to make out of that. Karl had never been a secretive person, never had kept many secrets from Dan since they’d become friends. He had half a mind to ask someone about it, but he realized the only one that knew Karl well and wasn’t his Teammate was Phil, so that plan went down the drain instantly.

 After Lahti they went back home to Germany. The World Cup took place in Willingen that week, and even though it wasn’t the hill in his home village it was still nice to be back on familiar ground. It coated him in a sense of security, took his problems and his pain and wrapped them into a blanket of familiarity, kept them away. It was snowing, too, which made it even nicer; it abraded the sharp edges, made them round and harmless.

 When Dan arrived in Willingen Thursday afternoon the rest of his team was already there. Karl had been visiting Stephan Leyhe, who lived in the area, and therefore hadn’t taken the car with Dan, but it seemed suspicious. Something about Karl was still off, even if Dan still wasn’t able to pinpoint it exactly.

 He settled into the room he still shared with Karl, put down his luggage and changed into comfortable clothes. The others were downstairs in a hobby room that held equipment for table tennis, darts and billiard, but he needed a moment.

 That was when it knocked on the door. “Ja?” he shouted, confused about the intrusion and completely in the dark about who it might be. He feared it was his coach, wanting to talk to him about the bad performances, but the knock had been careful, restricted, barely audible, and that didn’t fit Werner Schuster at all.

 He hadn’t expected Stephan Leyhe to open the door. “Dan, können wir reden?” he asked gently, almost shy, his mouth caved upwards in the tiniest of smiles, but it seemed genuine.

Dan, can we talk?

 “Sicher,” he answered, almost breathlessly, and watched as Stephan stepped inside and closed the door behind him.

Sure.

 He took a seat on Karl’s bed, opposite to Dan, and seemed to need a moment to organize his thoughts, so Dan stayed silent, holding his breath.

 “Was dir passiert ist nicht fair, Dan,” he said than, voice low, almost raspy, his eyes trained on Dan’s duvet. “Es hält dich davon ab Leistung zu bringen, glücklich zu sein. Es hat niemandem geschadet, und ich finde nicht dass irgendjemand das Recht hat, dir das wegzunehmen.”

What’s happening to you isn’t fair, Dan. It keeps you from performing as well as you could, from being happy. It’s not harming anyone and I don’t think anyone has the right to take that away from you.

 Dan’s breathing hitched, his heart hammering in his chest. He was frozen into place, unable to move a muscle, so he had to watch helplessly as Stephan looked up and into his eyes. “Karl hat mit uns allen gesprochen. Dem ganzen Team. Uns ist allen aufgefallen, dass etwas mit dir nicht stimmt und wir wollen dass du glücklich bist. Der Trainer ist normalerweise nicht bestechlich, aber wir sind alle auf deiner Seite.”

Karl talked to us. To the whole team. We all realized something’s wrong with you and we want you to be happy. The coach usually isn’t bribable, but we’re all on your side.

 Dan stared at Stephan completely dumbfounded, no idea what to say. He was blinking rapidly, trying to make sense of the situation, but it was like his brain couldn’t keep up with reality, unable to comprehend the situation at hand.

 Stephan smiled kindly at him, completely open now, shyness gone and replaced with a benevolence so genuine it only confused Dan more. “Vertraust du uns?” he asked with complete seriousness and Dan couldn’t help but nod wordlessly. “Dann kriegen wir das hin.”

Do you trust us? In that case we’ll make it happen.

 ___

 Dan had never been more proud to be part of this team than he was that night. The whole team got together at dinner and opened their case to Werner Schuster. They explained that they knew Dan long and especially well enough by now to be sure of his motives. He wasn’t spying on them to purposely get information to other teams, and he wouldn’t blabber them out carelessly either. Schuster seemed confused at first about why they thought that would be an issue, until it finally dawned on him. As he had promised he didn’t particularly care that it was Dan specifically, more that it had happened at all.  

 For at least half an hour the team listed reasons why it wouldn’t be a problem, the thing that Dan and Phil had, whatever it was specifically, with limited success. Werner Schuster seemed to remain quite sceptical, until Welli spoke up. “Komm schon, Trainer. Wir wissen alle, dass es keine Nachteile gäbe. Dan’s Leistungen während dieser... Sache waren deutlich besser, oder nicht? Das ist doch auch für das Team gut!”

Come on, coach. We all know there’d be no downside. Dan’s performances were better during that… Thing were considerably better, were they not? That’s even good for the team, too!

 For a short moment it was quiet. Then Karl, who had kept quite closed up for the discussion despite being the driving force behind it, looked Werner Schuster deadly in the eye and stated: “Er ist mein bester Freund, Trainer. Er liebt Phil. Er macht ihn glücklich. Ich kann nicht mit ansehen, wie du ihm das wegnimmst.” The indication behind his words were clear. And if that wouldn’t have been quite drastic enough, the whole rest of the team agreed loudly and wholeheartedly.

He’s my best friend, coach. He loves Phil. He makes him happy. I can’t stand by and watch you take that away from him.

Silence settled over the group. The other jumpers all looked their coach dead in the eye, staring him down, while Dan had an internal breakdown. How was it possible that all of them were so bloody nice to him - that they all liked him enough to do this for him?

 “Also… Was ihr damit sagen wollt ist ihr tretet alle zurück wenn ich nicht zustimme?” the coach asked, flat and serious. The group just nodded, once and in total synchronicity.

So… What you’re saying is you’re all quitting if I don’t say yes?

 Out of nowhere there was a smile tugging on the corner of his lips and he looked Dan straight in the eye. “Sieht so aus als hätte ich gar keine andere Möglichkeit, was?” Suddenly it was loud in the room. There were arms wrapping around Dan until he was the center of a group hug, but all he could do was sit still and blink, still trying to process what his team was willing to do for him.

Looks like I don’t have a choice here, doesn’t it?

“Ich hab dir doch gesagt wir kriegen das hin,” Karl whispered into his ears, and that’s when the realisation settled into his brain. Seconds later he was crying his eyes out, but that was okay. He had his team to dry them.

I told you we could do it.

 _____

 Afterwards, he needed a minute alone, so he put on his team jacket, overly proud to be able to wear it, donned his head and stepped outside into the still falling snow.

 In the dark the snow only got more beautiful. The old lamp posts shed yellow-tinted light, and as Dan walked along fields of snow and further away from civilization he mused about what to do now. There was a chance Phil didn’t even want to have… anything with him anymore. It had been quite some time and theoretically speaking, they had never been a couple; maybe he had moved on or had enough of Dan’s problems - or maybe his own coach would have a problem with it. What if it had all been in vain?

 He fiddled with his phone for a second as he walked through the snow, but he pocketed it again. In all honesty, he was scared. Right now, his relationship with Phil was Schrödinger’s cat, alive and dead at the same time. What if he wrote that message, made that call, and it was entirely dead?

 As he looked around, deep in his thoughts, he noticed a figure walking in the opposite direction. It was hard to make them out through the falling snow, but as he got closer, he could make out black hair, covered in white specks that would prove to be snowflakes, clad in a blue jacket with a tiny flag on the left side - an Italian flag.

 They met directly under the glow of a yellow light. The outside world was dark, obscured, almost invisible to him as he gazed into light blue eyes. There was pain shining in them and Dan wanted nothing else but to make it go away. It did answer a few of his questions though.

 It was obvious Phil was not any more over it than Dan was.

 “Dan,” he breathed out, his voice raspy and hurt, and Dan couldn’t help but took a step closer.

 “What is your coach’s view on it, Phil?” he asked, almost breathless. He could hear the urgency tainting his own voice, could feel it deep down in his bones.

 “Does it matter, Dan?” He looked utterly defeated, but Dan couldn’t help with that. Not until he had an answer.

 Apparently his urging eyes were enough to make Phil go on.

 “He doesn’t care, but -”

 That was the part were Dan cut him of. Where he stormed forward and kissed Phil, with all of the passion and love still stored in the deepest corner of his heart. He didn’t simply open the box, he smashed it open, spilling all its content out, filling him to the brim with a deep warmth that should be unexpected in the freezing temperature and falling snow, but felt like the exact opposite.  

 “What -” Phil tried to ask when they finally broke apart, but Dan cut him off yet again, a grin on his face so wide his cheeks started to hurt. “It’s okay. My team, they -  they’re so great Phil, bloody hell - they made my coach see reason. They convinced him. He’s fine with it!”

 Through the tangled, incoherent explanation that was all that Dan was able to offer Phil’s eyes got wide, disbelieving. Then Dan fell quiet, his heart so full it hurt, and Phil finally seemed to understand.

 “Oh my god,” he breathed out, then his lips were on Dan’s and for the next few minutes, no words came from either of them.

 When they came up for air, cheeks flushed, Phil took Dan’s face between his hands, his blue eyes shining so vibrantly Dan thought he might faint. There were golden flecks swimming in th, truly standing out through the yellow glow, and for a second Dan was mesmerized by them. Then Phil’s voice brought him back to reality.

 “I love you, Dan. Oh god, I love you so much. Will you be my boyfriend?”

 How is this guy even real?

 He didn't hesitate for even a nanosecond. “Of course Phil, of course. I love you too!”

 Phil brought his hand up to gently tug the beanie from his head, then he laid their foreheads together, gazing into Dan’s eyes. “Is this what happiness feels like?” Dan asked faintly, almost unaware of his own words. Phil just smiled, and then they kissed again under the yellow glow of an old lamppost, snow still falling, covering them both in white flecks.

 ___

 The day after Dan’s performance was suddenly back, and full force. He basically annihilated the competitors during the first jump and didn’t ease off much in the second.

 When the computer was done calculating after his second jump, showing a big, glowing 1 behind his name, and he was suddenly engulfed in a warm hug from his boyfriend, Karl and the rest of his team not too far behind, Phil’s voice rung in his ears, filling him with warmth all over again. “Yes, Dan. This is what happiness feels like.”

[llamasarecoolerthanyou]

It was always you: Chapter nine (Lellinger)

I’m baaack 😃 I’m sorry for the long wait but I got my laptop back and I’m super excited to post again. 

This chapter is dedicated to @itsloveit and @the-dying-fan , thank you for your nice words, it was amazing to hear in person that you like my story! 😍😊😘

Chapter nine

April 2023

“Did you dial the wrong number?”

Expecting this kind of reaction after not speaking to his ex-teammate for over five years, Stephan said cautiously, “Hi, I know I deserved that and I’m sorry to bother you but I didn’t know who else to call.”

He heard a sigh but after a few seconds Markus replied, the sarcastic tone gone from his voice, “It’s fine, though I can’t say I’m not surprised to hear from you after you practically disappeared after retiring.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I just thought it would be easier, with you being Andi’s friends and us breaking up. I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable,” he explained, only now realizing how much he missed his team and regretting his decision to cut them out of his life.

“That’s stupid, we might have known Wellinger longer but I thought it was obvious that you were our friend too.”

“I’m sorry,” he said again, feeling awful after understanding he was wrong in assuming that his friends won’t even notice his absence.

“Ok, stop apologizing, you’re making me feel bad. You’re lucky I can’t stay mad at you for long. Now, how can I help you?”

Remembering the reason he called in the first place, his nerves came back and he asked hopefully, “Do you have Andi’s new address? He’s not picking up and I really need to see him.”

“This day just keeps getting better, don’t tell me you two made up?” said Markus, sounding surprised but also a little excited at the possibility.

“Of course not but we ran into each other a few weeks ago and stayed in touch. So do you know where he lives?” he repeated his question, not trying to be rude but getting more anxious with every minute.

“Sorry, I’ve no idea. We lost contact after I found out Andi was leaving and we had a fight about it. He answered Richi’s texts for a few months but then dropped off the face of the Earth.”

“Oh…” Stephan couldn’t help being disappointed, his hope of finding a way to contact Andreas lost.

“Yeah, I guess we weren’t as good friends as we all thought back then…” said the other man and Stephan could hear the regret in his voice.

“What happened?” he asked hesitantly, not wanting to bring up bad memories but knowing it may be his only chance to learn more about what took place after his retirement.

“He surprised us with his announcement in Planica…”

Markus was livid as he opened the door to his teammate’s room without knocking and stormed in. He couldn’t believe his friend just told the world he was done with jumping without saying a word about it to anyone beforehand.

“What the hell?” he asked furiously, seeing Andreas packing calmly and acting like he didn’t notice his arrival. “Did you not think it was a good idea to mention that you’re leaving?”

The blonde stopped putting clothes into his suitcase and finally turned to look at him. “I knew you’d react like this and I didn’t want to listen to you all trying to change my mind.”

Frowning at the younger man’s indifferent tone, he voiced his suspicions, “You’ve just won the World Cup and you’re in better form than ever before. And you’re going to give up now? Did Alex talk you into doing this?”  

“Alex didn’t talk me into anything, it was my decision and you need to accept it or leave.”

Markus shook his head in disbelief, “Are you hearing yourself? I don’t understand what’s going on with you lately and whatever you say, I’m sure he has something to do with it. I know you miss Stephan but that’s not a reason to ruin your life for the first guy that shows any interest.”

“You’re just jealous that I’m happy and you still can’t find someone who’ll put up with you for more than a month,” replied angrily Andreas, losing his composure.

“You saw right through me,” the brunette said sarcastically. “It’s not like we’ve all been worried about you for weeks. You’ve been acting weird and avoiding everyone.”

“Why can’t you understand that I don’t need your fucking concern?!” yelled Andreas, glaring at his teammate. “Just leave me alone.”

Too mad and disappointed to say anything else, Markus did what he asked for and walked out feeling like he lost his friend.  

“He left the next morning without talking to anybody and that was it. I wish I tried harder to get to him but you know how I was back then, too proud to reach out first.”

“Sometimes, there’s nothing you can do,” he tried to comfort his friend, remembering his own arguments with their teammate. “So you’re not too fond of that Alex guy either?”

“No way man, he’s so slimy. I mean he acts all nice but I never trusted him for some reason. And after meeting him, Andi suddenly never had time for anyone else. Are you saying they’re still together?”

“Yeah, I’m afraid so. I don’t know, maybe I’m overreacting but I don’t like him. I’m not going to take up any more of your time though.”

“It’s fine, I wish I could be more helpful.”

“Thanks, anyway,” he replied and started to say goodbye when Markus interrupted him.

“Listen, do you remember that summer house my grandparents left me? We went there last year after I and Freitag retired and decided to make it a new tradition as we hardly see each other anymore. Maybe you’d like to come? We’ll spend the weekend there, just relaxing and celebrating Karl’s good season.”

“I don’t know…”

“Come on, it’s just me, Richi and Karl. We’re going next weekend. You can bring Andi, it’ll be like the old times.”

Smiling at the memories, Stephan promised, “I’ll think about it.”

“That’s a yes then,” said Markus with a chuckle. “I’ll text you the address.”

His friend hang up, leaving him back where he started but somehow feeling more optimistic. It was truly great to talk to his old teammate again and he thought that maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea to go and see his friends after all. His only wish was that Andreas would be there with him.

[freenewstoday]

New Post has been published on https://freenews.today/2021/03/14/halvor-egner-granerud-im-hungry-for-more/

Halvor Egner Granerud: I'm hungry for more

The World Championships in Oberstdorf ended about a week ago, only one athlete is still there: Norway’s Halvor Egner Granerud. This winter’s best ski jumper has to stay in Oberstdorf until Tuesday due to his Covid-19 infection. 

He left his mark on this winter as barely any other ski jumper has done before. Norway’s Halvor Egner Granerud was the measure of all things and secured the overall World Cup title already before the final event in Planica. We now had the chance to talk to Halvor Egner Granerud:

How are you doing today? “Right now I’m feeling good. I’ve recovered over the last couple of days.”

What was it like when you received the positive test result during the World Championships? “It was tough. I had high hopes for the World Championships, but it wasn’t to be. It took some time before I did anything after the result was clear. I just stayed in bed, in shock, I guess.” The World Championships didn’t end without a medal for Granerud, at least he was able to win silver in the mixed team competition.

“The biggest challenge was to arrange that I could move to a bigger place from the small hotel room. And of course, having limitations on what you can do is hard”, said Granerud.

The Ski Jumping family lives up to its name: Staying with the Bauers, food from Karl Geiger Looking for a place to stay during quarantine, they found a free apartment in the hotel of Andi Bauer, head coach of the German women’s team, and his wife Irene. “Irene and Andi Bauer are taking care of me, and I stay in one of their apartments. Karl Geiger offered to help me with food, but I already had it arranged so Irene brings me food. The offer was a really nice gesture of him”, Granerud told.

The Bauer family will host Halvor Egner Granerud until Tuesday. Then it might happen that he can’t return home to Norway for a couple of days, because of the strict travel restrictions there. Granerud might have to go to Planica directly or spend a few more days in Oberstdorf, it remains to be seen. Right now, Granerud is already looking ahead.

Granerud: “I’m hungry for more” “There have been a lot of highs and some lows this winter. But from an objective point of view, the lows are only lows because of how high the highs have been. But it’s good motivation for the summer that there is still a lot to do, and even though I’ve achieved a lot this winter, I’m hungry for more”, he said.

“I’m looking forward to Ski Flying in Planica since December” “The season has been amazing. It’s been a dream come true to be the best. In Planica I hope to show more good jumps, and I’ve been looking forward to Ski Flying all the time since we were there in December. Obviously, there is some uncertainty as to how my body will feel and work after all this time of isolation, but now that I’m able to train a bit again I’m positive that my jumps will be on a high level”, Granerud concluded.

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[dadlezal]

Polish team after the prologue in Vikersund, 1st RawAir Tournament, World Cup 2016/2017

Maciej Kot (x) (0:33, Markus Eisenbichler does a weird, bear-like sound)

Yeah, it was a very long day, which still hasn’t ended yet. [...] It was worth the wait to make these two jumps. [...] I wish we would win, that’s obvious. Each one of us wants this victory. I know it’s not an easy task. We’ve never even stood on the National Cup podium, so... the top 3 would be historical but why not win right away? It’s a retorical question. We will fight ‘till the very end, the last competition in Planica. We know Austrians and Germans made up a few points but we still have advance and we still haven’t said our last word. [...] So we’ll keep fighting but we won’t focus only on the points and general standings. That could end up badly. J: What are more tired of - the waffles or the wait? Maciek: Honestly? I’ve been here for over a week but today I had my first waffle. [...] Not eating it would be against the tradition.

Dawid Kubacki (x)

Today’s jumps were much better. After my small injury [Dawid had a back injury] I got lost. I thought I was doing everything the same way but the body was different. Now I have to get back to it. It can’t be done right away. I’m getting back to my good jumping with the small steps. [...] When it comes to my back - I got past the worst and the pain is just... informing now. [...] It was worth the wait. When we came here first, wind had 12 m/s of speed, so we couldn’t even think about ski jumping. Now it’s slightly windy but it sometimes changes the direction to back and some of the competitors felt it. It’s annoying because, you know, everyone would like to have a bit of the front wind and fly a bit further.

Klemens Murańka (x)

Yeah, I made a little progress. [...] I didn’t qualify for the competition and the jumps aren’t the best but also aren’t catastrophic. It’s quite okay. [...] Yeah, the wait was long but the event is very well-organized and that’s great. We had to wait but that’s okay, the conditions were, well, are bad but we can’t fight nature. [...] It was my first opportunity to jump on Vikersundbakken and I’d say it’s one of the toughest mammoths and it doesn’t forgive your mistakes, as Planica [Letalnica] does. 

Jan Ziobro (x)

Uh, the landing was a thing, too, but in the moment I should get higher, I don’t do it, the left ski is twisted, the right one hangs and... I can’t jump with this. [...] It’s hard to say if it’s better or worse, it’s not ice creams and rainbows in general. [...] I came here with joy that I finally fly here, on this mammoth, but 174 m... I’d throw a bag of potatoes further than I jumped today. [...] We’re feeling good. Everyone knew how was that suppose to look like and the tournament is very well-organized. Big congrats to the organizers. 

[imaginethatsj]

Daniel Andre Tande imagine - “I’m getting by”

“You and me got a whole lot of history…” Those lyrics were going through your head as you listened to a song on your way to Planica. You were taking a train there and it took you a good two-hour drive.

“All the rest of my crimes don’t come close to the look on you face when I let you go” Another one. The look on his face when he broke up with you wasn’t something you liked to remember. But it stayed in your memory like it happened yesterday. His eyes tried to stay on your as long as he could but somehow he didn’t manage to do that. His eyes were on everything else but on you. As soon as his eyes would meet yours he would look away after a second or two. You knew it was hard on him but it was also hard on you.

In the time nearing the break up you could see he was quite an impulsive person. After something didn’t work out as he wanted or liked mostly everyone else were guilty for that. Even you, whether you were thousand miles away or next to him. You were talking in your sleep the night before a competition or were too clingy through the phone before competition so he would lose concentration. You were getting tired of it and suddenly when you were ready to confront him about it and work things out he gave up. He said it all got too much and that when he thinks about future, he is having hard time picturing me in it.

It wasn’t what you liked hearing but after that you also gave up on him. You let him go, even though you had some amazing things in life that happened with him by your side.

You were always ecstatic to go to Planica since it was second best time in the year for you. Right behind your birthday. But this year you didn’t know how to feel about that. He still meant a lot to you and even after five months you loved him with all your heart. The thought of seeing him brought tears to your eyes. But you had to be strong enough to get through it. You’ve been strong all your live, you can be strong now.

Being already anxious about him you had an argument with your parents. You wished to go there by a car since you have three cars at home and one of them is parked most of the time. Of course they didn’t let you have a car since you can take a train. Since you were worked up already you got sassy towards them and couldn’t wait to leave your house. You fight with your parents rarely so every time there is a fight you feel horrible. But this time you don’t intent to apologize. You always apologize even if you know you’ve been right. You apologize anyway since you can’t stand not talking to them. But this time you’ve had it.

Arriving finally to Planica you tried to relax. Your friend that was with you tried her best to relax you and she succeeded. It was Planica after all and you can’t let him ruin this for you. It meant too much.

You tried to shake off some looks that went your way. People recognized you but at this point you didn’t care. When Slovenians were jumping you cheered as much as you could and so did everyone.

Daniel’s turn to jump was getting closer and closer and there was only one left before him. The conditions weren’t great but that was his style in the second half of the season.

The man behind the microphone announced Daniel Andre Tande and I’m sure pretty much every girl between 15 and 24 years old screamed her lungs out, behind the TV screen or under the beautiful hill.  You didn’t want to stand out so you cheered a bit but not like you planned months ago when you pictured yourself here.

You friend reached for your hand squeezing it. You smiled because you were too nervous to do anything else. Your heart was beating hard and fast. You could already see him flying in the air like an eagle. It looked good so far. He landed at about 215m and you were happy with that. He smiled also as you could’ve seen on the big screen next to the hill but you knew that smile. `It’s good but I can do better. ´ It was all too familiar to you.

After him there was many Slovenes jumping and with each jumper the crowd was louder. It reached its peak with Peter Prevc. Slovenian flags were raising like crazy and you were never more proud of your country than you were in those moments. He managed to do an amazing jump, he looked like Peter in the last season.

It happened once again in the second round with the long jumps, fast beating of your heart and cheering like mad people. After the ceremony you and your friend headed towards the parking lot and decided to walk on foot to the car. You took your time and the timing couldn’t be worse. You heard your name being said but thought it was another girl with your name. After you heard it for the second time you looked around to find the source. But you were shaking as soon as you saw who it is. He was running towards you and you didn’t know if you should wait for him or just turn around and continue walking. Somehow your feet stayed still and didn’t move one bit. Thinking again, even if you would turn around he would catch up with you so it was inevitable.

“Wait up” He said like he couldn’t see that I was waiting for him already. You stayed silent even when he caught up to you. “Guys said that they heard or saw you but I wasn’t sure if they heard or saw it right.” You just nodded as you didn’t know what else to say or do. This time around your eyes were looking around everywhere else but at him. He was breathing a bit quicker since he was running after you. In the corner of your eyes you saw him getting nervous as he was scratching the back of his head. “So, how are you?” He asked and this time you looked at him. It was hard but you couldn’t look so weak. “I’m getting by.” – “Are you?” He was quick to answer. “Mhm.” You mumbled more than said. “Yeah, me to.” The situation was becoming more uncomfortable with every second. People were passing by and were interested in what was going on. “I better go. Good luck tomorrow Daniel.” You said but your throat was getting tighter with each word you said. “Yeah, thank you. Take care of yourself Y/N please.” You knew what he was talking about. You heard it many times from your relatives before. You turned around to join your friend but he stopped you. Before you realized what was happening he was hugging you and the next thing he let you go. While he was walking away you actually realized what happened. He hugged you and kissed the top of your head. While your legs were doing their job, your thoughts were running around like never before. As you joined you friend once again she immediately embraced you in a hug. “Oh god…” You sighed while hugging her back.  “Y/N keep it together at least until you get to the car” you repeated to yourself a few times. During your walk you talked about all the good moments during this day but knew that everything will catch up to you sooner or later.

[skijumpingimagines]

RAW AIR Part 3: „RAW AIR will really show who is the best at the end.“

In the last two parts (Part 1 | Part 2) of our series about RAW AIR we gave you an insight in Vibeke Linn’s, Head of Social Media and Walter Hofer’s opinion. You have also got to know what the Czech physiotherapist Veronika Pankova and Killian Peier think. Today we had the chance to talk to Andreas Alamommo, Andraz Pograjc, Joacim Oedegaard Bjoereng, Kevin Bickner and Mackenzie Boyd-Clowes about RAW AIR.

Andreas Alamommo – „It is difficult for every athlete because each jump must be good.“

Finnish youngster Andreas Alamommo, who participated for the first time in the Summer Grand Prix this season, thinks that RAW AIR sounds well prepared and that it could get much spectators in the upcoming winter and also during the next years.

About the new scoring system he told us that „it is difficult for every athlete because each jump must be good“ and that „you cannot skip qualification if you want to win the whole tournament.“

The whole tournament with ten days of competition means that there will be little time to regenerate. Alamommo said that there are many competitions in the World Cup and that it is already a long season before the start of RAW AIR. „Some can be tired of travelling and competing during winter but every athlete will give 100% like in every competition. Also in spectacular Planica at the last competitions before the holidays everyone shows their best“, he added.

About the comparison of RAW AIR and the 4-Hills-Tournament Andreas thinks that the legendary 4-Hills-Tournament has been taken place already 64 times and that RAW AIR might not gain this popularity in the first years but that we will have to wait what the next seasons will bring.

Andraz Pograjc – „It will not be just a competition.“

From the Slovenian team we spoke to Andraz Pograjc, who took some time and gave us his opinion about the competition series in Norway: „RAW AIR is a really good idea. It won’t be just a competition. I think it is more interesting for spectators and also for us.“ Furthermore, the 25-years-old said that the new scoring system is a good idea because you have to give your best in each jump and that it will make the competitions more equal for all competitors.

For Pograjc who has already been on top of the podium with his team during the Ski Flying competition in Planica in 2013, more competitions are better than less even though he thinks it is hard to say how ten competitions in a row will affect the health of the athletes. In regard to the planned transportation he is sceptic. „I think that the transportation is not suitable or friendly for us for that kind of competitions series“, he explained to us but also added that everything except this seems to be good.

Like Alamommo, Andraz Pograjc thinks that RAW AIR will not become as important as the 4-Hills-Tournament since the later has a historical tradition and also takes place to celebrate the New Year, which makes it even more special.

Joacim Oedegaard Bjoereng – „RAW AIR will really show who is the best at the end.“

Since RAW AIR is going to take place in Norway the opinion of a Norwegian athlete cannot be ignored. Youngster Joacim Oedegaard Bjoereng who started during the Summer Grand Prix this summer and who also showed some good results in the Continental Cup competitions, talked to us about this tournament.

„I think it is going to be a pretty hard tournament that really wants to show that the best man will win! And of course it is really exciting that it will take place in Norway and I hope it will be super popular here!“, told Bjoereng.

He continues to explain that in his opinion it is going to be taken good care of the athletes during the ten days of competitions. He thinks that „if someone will fall out off the battle for the overall ranking because they are tired and their health, they should have been better prepared because RAW AIR will really show who is the best at the end.“ Joacim said that the time will show if the tournament has been too hard for the athletes after it is over but he also pointed out that the organisers work hard to create something new. „They have worked out something really cool here to hopefully make the sport even more popular and especially to make the Norwegian people to open their eyes more for ski jumping“, explained Bjoereng and added, „I think that is just awesome.“

We also spoke to two athletes of the North American team, American Kevin Bickner and Canadian Mackenzie Boyd-Clowes. Both of them showed outstanding performances this summer so that we are already looking forward to their participation in this event.

Kevin Bickner – „With extreme sports you have to see how far the limits can be pushed.“

Kevin Bickner, who achieved Top 10 results during this year’s Grand Prix in Einsiedeln and Hakuba, is already excited when it comes to RAW AIR. „I think it is a cool new concept. I am excited to see how it will turn out with constant competition. I am always up for switching the traditional schedule around and trying something new,“ Bickner told us.

That he is up for trying new things shows also that he thinks the new scoring system is interesting. He continued that the planned system will take away a little advantage that the Top 10 has with being prequalified. But there are not only advantages he sees: „I am not sure how I feel about the team events counting towards the overall score of the event. Being part of a team that rarely takes place in team events, I feel as though I am at a disadvantage. So unless there was a rule where other athletes could compete but only count towards the RAW AIR standings I think that part is a little unfair and catering towards bigger nations.“ Since team events are not an issue only during RAW AIR we think it might be time to talk with Walter Hofer about the possibility of a North American team, which coach Bine Norcic already mentioned earlier this season.

When it comes to the constant competing and traveling during this series, Kevin Bickner does not think that the lack of regeneration time will be dangerous for the health of the athletes. He sees the risk of athletes burning out nevertheless which makes the event cool in his opinion. „It is an endurance event, something ski jumpers rarely see. I think we will see the performance of some jumpers suffer, and others stand out. There will be some very interesting results near the end at Vikersund“, he explained in addition.

Also in regard to the upcoming ski flying competitions in Planica straight after Vikersund Bickner is positive. He loves the idea that there will be back to back ski flying weekends and told us that a lot of athletes will already be adjusted to flying. That is why he thinks there will be a lot of far jumps in Planica. However Bickner also pointed out that recovery will be something to worry about. As reason he stated: „Most athletes are going to want to train hard for the World Cup final, but they also have to give their bodies enough time to recover from ten straight days of jumping.“

Since the Norwegian TV NRK plays a big role during RAW AIR there is always the risk that it was only created for the media without considering what is best for the athletes. Kevin Bickner thinks that the media is the biggest contributor to the creation of RAW AIR, as well, but that does not bother him. „It is something new and the creators were trying to think outside the box. Ski Jumping is an extreme sport, and sometimes with extreme sports you have to see how far the limits can be pushed.“

With a series of competitions on four hills it is normal to compare RAW AIR with the 4-Hills-Tournament and its success. For Bickner the reason for the importance of the 4-Hills-Tournament is the fact that it is such an old tradition that made it a prestigious event to win. Regarding RAW AIR he thinks that we will have to wait a few years to see what kind of feedback it will get.

Mackenzie Boyd-Clowes – „Many new and interesting competitions keep everyone’s motivation and energy level high.“

We are happy we managed to get some insight from Mackenzie Boyd-Clowes as well. The Canadian has been part of the World Cup since 2009 and showed a strong performance in the summer. He finished sixth in the SGP final in Klingenthal and landed on the podium at the COC in Stams.

„It is exciting for me, and really pretty good to bring attention to the sport in any way possible“, Boyd-Clowes stated and continued, „For the athletes I think as many new and interesting competitions to look forward to throughout the season keeps everyone’s motivation and energy level high.“

The new scoring system will first and foremost make RAW AIR fun to watch while athletes are trying to have a good jump every time. Boyd-Clowes explained that the most added pressure will be on two or three top athlete who are battling for the victory.

Competing during RAW AIR means a lot of days of hard work in a row, but this is also the job of the athletes. „I do not think you will hear any of the athletes complaining about jumping four great hills in Norway with a ski flying double header at the end of the season. It sounds great“, Mackenzie commented on ten days of competition before he added, „mind you, talk to me again in March.“ This we will surely do!

According to Boyd-Clowes‘ opinion it does not really matter if RAW AIR was only created for the media or what the intentions were in creating it because it is going to be a lot of fun for the athletes as well as the fans. There will be enough time to rest after the season.

In comparison to the 4-Hills-Tournament RAW AIR is „a fresh, exciting concept and people will be really interested in it.�� But about the 4-Hills-Tournament Mackenzie added: „The 4-Hills-Tournament has been around for over 60 years. So to compete with the prestige of that tournament is almost impossible.“

In only a few days the World Cup season 2016/17 will start in Kuusamo (FIN). With this series of articles we gave you a look behind the scened of RAW AIR which will take place as another highlight of the season beside the World Championships in Lahti in February. We hope you enjoyed it and you will join us this season for more news and insights into the World and Continental Cup!

Pictures: Newsskijumping

Carolin Erbe | Dolores Lazič

[skijumpingf1]

These are mine now (D. Prevc X D. Tande)

Welcome back to another Domiel fic. This time they are in Vikersund. Again, you can read it independently, but it is set in the same universe as Part 1 and Part 2. There is mention of Domens sunglasses. Also, I feel like there is a bit more other people especially Peter. I hope you enjoy it and have a nice day.

Wordcount: 4945

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Vikersund is presenting itself mystical this Friday. With the fog and the snow, it is almost impossible to see up the hill. Nevertheless, Peter and I are standing on the side of the hill. We both have our phones in our hand. Mine is doing a videocall with our other brother, while Pero is calling our mother and Ema. Dad is standing next to us here in Vikersund. He couldn’t resist on coming to Norway and seeing his daughter fly for the first time ever and possibly even seeing her win her first crystal globe. Eva, the jumper in front of Nika, is getting on the bar and I can feel my nerves tensing up. Every jump from one of siblings is nerve-racking to watch. It doesn't matter if it is Peter doing a training jump like he did a million times before, Cene doing his last one ever or Nika doing her first flight. Same goes for Daniel as well. But some jumps are more special to watch then others. Like this one. I can’t believe that my little sister is already ski flying. The same way I can’t really believe that she is leading the women’s world cup and is almost certainly winning it. At just 19. “Domen! You need to put the camera in the direction of the hill.”, Cene is complaining. “Shut up. She isn’t even jumping yet.” Through Peters phone I can hear a small laugh from our mother. She would have loved to be here as well, but Ema still needed to attend school. “But in a minute, she will be.” “If you wanted to you could have been here. You can’t complain when you choose not to come. Twice.” Peter is rolling his eyes at us, but I can see a smirk on his face. I bet he misses the time where we all three were in world cup and I would split my time being annoying between the both of them. Next year I would have to annoy my other teammates since both of them will be gone. “What is twice supposed to mean?” “Boys. Calm down. Nika is next.” When Dad says a word, we all follow. So, Cene and I shut up. I turn my phone in the direction of the hill and then we wait. Snowflakes are falling down the sky and are flying around us while wait for my little sister to finally get closer to the dream of flying.

The jump is good for her first flight. When she lands safely Dad, Peter and I let out a collective breath. “That was alright considering the jury is too careful with them.”, is Cenes judgement with the jump. I agree with him. But the problem honestly runs deeper than just a low gate. Even the fact, that the women had so few large hill comps, contributes to the short flights we witnessed - not just from Nika - but from most of the field. “More than alright. She landed safely.”, says our Mum. I exchange a look with Peter. Hopefully Nika wouldn’t get too nervous now. We both knew how much a first short flight could affect a weekend.

“How was it seeing Nika fly?” Daniel and I are standing in the village in between the cabins. He is in his normal team gear. If the media is asking, he is here to support his teammates.  I am stretching a bit but honestly, we are more talking than that I do a proper warm up. “Nerve racking. The last time I was this nervous seeing someone jump, was your first jump after Planica.” He raises an eyebrow at me. “You never told me it was this stressful for you. Judging on your behaviour this morning it must have been terrifying.” “It wasn’t that bad.” In all honesty, it kind of was that bad. This morning, I constantly checked the weather forecast and the wind. When he came back to the hill it was kind of similar. I even inspected the outrun while he was changing. Danny steps a bit closer to me. I can feel is body heat against me. One tiny step to the left and we would be touching. I look up to him and our eyes meet. “Why did you never tell me that me going back to the hill was so hard for you?” A tiny shrug from my part is enough to get me a caring look form him. “It was about you and not about me. Going back was hard enough for you without being worried about my feelings.” He flexes his hand and I know that he is fighting the urge of touching me right now. We are already standing too close with the cameramen around. Holding hands isn’t possible right now. “We will talk later about it.” “It has been almost three years and now days it´s still nerve racking watching you jump but not terrifying. So, there is nothing to talk about. The better question is if you come to Nikas birthday party tonight?”

Nika got the full jackpot today. 19th birthday and first-time ski flying. Considering she has a competition planed for tomorrow morning, we are keeping it simple. Our father reserved a table in the hotel restaurant we are staying at. Just Dad, Peter, Nika and me. And Daniel if he wants to. Nika asked him in Trondheim to join us. He is a bit hesitant since my dad would be there as well. It is not like that my dad disapproves of Daniel per se. He is more type though-love then welcoming and my boyfriend is absolutely not used to it. Mina also took her time getting on the good side of her father-in-law, so I am hoping that eventually Daniel will be more relaxed around him. “I don’t even have a present for her.” “You don’t have to gift her something. Or we could just say that my present is from the both of us.” Daniel steps a few centimetres away when a few people pass us that we don’t know. Getting the appropriate distance between us. I sigh. I hate this so much. “Okay I will come. But if it is awkward, it is your fault and I expect you to get me out of it.”

I have the honour of the single bedroom this weekend. Normally it would have been Lovro´s turn but it was surprisingly easy to get him to give it to me. Officially it isn’t allowed that Daniel is spending the night here, but nobody is knocking on the door and controlling it, so we do it anyways. Not even Peter is saying anything against it anymore. “Is a simple shirt enough or should I get my nice stuff?”, is Daniel asking when he steps out of the bathroom. His hair is still wet from the shower he just took, and a few drops are falling on his bare chest. I take a moment to admire him and let my eyes wander down his body. He is already wearing his jeans but has still two shirts in his hands. I know him with all my heart, but I love looking at him, nonetheless. “I am wearing a hoodie and training pants.” And not even my own cloth. It didn’t even occur to me to dress nice. Daniel is groaning. “You always wear your team gear. I want to see you dressed nicely again.”

A knock interrupts us and I stand up from the bed where I scrolled a bit on my phone. I give Daniel a small peck on the cheek on my way to the door. “I don’t even have anything else to wear here.” I open the door to my hotel room and Peter is standing in front of it in the open hallway. He is dressed nicely in a button down. “Can I come in?” “Danny, forget everything I just said. Take the nice shirt.”, I scream back at my boyfriend in the room. With that I step aside so that my brother can come into my room. The room is a typical small hotel so there isn’t really any space to hide here. “Hello Daniel.”, my brother greets my boyfriend, who looks a bit puzzled at me. “Can you warn me next time?” Daniel is quickly putting his nice shirt on. A light blue button down which highlights his eyes. Good choice. “Relax. Rember the family holiday last summer? You guys went swimming. It is not that different now.” Swimming is the understatement of the century. They had fierce water polo fights that even were too intense for Cene and me. “Sorry if I interrupted you guys. I was just wondering if you are getting Nika something for Thursday?” My eldest brother is scraping the back of his head and looking down a bit embarrassed. “No. Should I? I probably should.” I turn around to Danny, who is shaking his head at me. “She is winning the world cup. Of course you get her something.” “Did I get you something?”, I question my brother. Pero is shaking his head at me, and I hear a sigh from the Norwegian. That just further proofs his theory that I missed a few important developments in social norms. “But you were 16. I honestly didn’t expect anything. For Nika though, Cene and I thought we could get her something together.” “But you don’t know what to give her?”, I guess. Cene and Peter rely on me for gifts for our sisters most of the time. I spent the most time with them and grew up with them more. “I don’t know. What do you gift someone, who just won the most important title in our sport?” Peter would be the best to answer that question. He already won big. “Maybe something for her cat?”, Daniel is suggesting. Peter shakes his head. “Cene and I already give her a basket full of cat toys for her birthday.” The same present as last year. I don’t know why Mina isn’t helping them come up with better gifts. It is not that hard and that is coming from me.

“What about a few bottles of good wine? It is festive and maybe we can even like personalise the bottles.” Peter raises an eyebrow at me. “Nika barely even drinks. Why would we gift her wine?” I chuckle a bit. Barely even drinks, that is a good one. Daniel, who sits on the bed now, clears his throat and shakes his head a bit. Oh. Nika probably never calls Peter whenever she wants to be picked up from a party at her classmate’s houses. And he probably never gave her an alibi for our parents. It is not like Nika is partying every weekend. Otherwise, she wouldn’t be able to perform on the level she is. But she is 18, well now 19. You want to spent time with your friends and alcohol is a part of that sometimes. So, from time-to-time Nika asks me if I can pick her up and if she can sleep at my place. I didn’t even think about the fact that Peter and Cene never seen her drink more than a glass wine at Christmas. She never had to call them because I was there. “She is 19, Peter. Do you really thing she never drinks?” “Yes, to be honest.” I sit next to Daniel on our double bed. He lays his hand on my left thigh. It is thoughtless movement, but Peter notices and his expression softens a bit. “Let’s put it that way. If we gift her wine, she will drink it. You know how it is when you are 19. I can remember that you haven’t been that abstinent for your whole life either.” And I know for a fact that he needed to pick up Cene a few times because he couldn’t get home anymore. Funnyly enough, I am the least experienced with alcohol from my brothers. Back then I was always too busy training or traveling. “But Nika is always so responsible.” I raise my shoulders. “She is responsible, Peter. She always gets home safely and as far as I know she never even puked.” Even when one of her friends brings her home, she always sends me a text that she made it home safely. In the future I would have to rely on that. If I am really moving to Norway, like Danny and I talked about, Nika won’t be able to call me when she needs a ride. A wave of nostalgia hits me. Leaving Slovenia wouldn’t be hard regarding ski jumping. It would be hard in relation with my family. Until now it didn’t really hit me that stuff like picking Nika up, wouldn’t be possible from the other side of the continent. Like I knew it but in the time of face time, I thought that I wouldn’t miss that much.

Daniel notices the change in my mood before even I do it. His hand wanders from my thigh to my hand, and he grabs it. A gentle squeeze. I turn my head towards him. My boyfriend is shooting a small smile at me. His eyes say you don’t have to do it. And I know that I don’t have to do it but also want to spend my life with Daniel. Not just see him from time to time when our busy schedules align. I want that seeing him is the first thing in the morning and touching him the last thing before I fall asleep. My brother is still standing in the entrance of the room and is watching our small interaction. “What am I missing?” I exchange a look with Daniel, who nods at me. “It is just that I have been considering moving to Norway. Thinking of Nika and how I can’t pick her up after a party or something, made me realize that I would miss important steps in her life. And not only her life.” Nika and Ema are old enough to communicate regularly through the phone, but my nephews are still too young to do so. I would miss seeing them growing up. “You are thinking about moving to Norway? Since when? We never talked about it before.” Peter is pulling the chair from the desk. Thankfully it is still early in the weekend, and I haven’t put my dirty clothes on it. When he is also sitting and we are face to face, he opens his mouth and closes it again. “Well, we have been thinking about it. There is nothing planed. Also, you are the last one to complain. You told me just two days before the public that you want to retire.” It actually hurt a bit that he didn’t consult me when making the decision. I mean I get it. It is his decision, but I am his brother and we have been doing this sport together since ages. Cene talked with both of us about retiring. How he didn’t feel like he could give 100% anymore day in and day out. He wanted to hear our opinion on it. Pero however, just told me. He sat me down an hour before he told the rest of the team.

Another knock on the door makes us look up. I raise an eyebrow. Who else would come to my room at almost eight? “I´ll go.”, Daniel says before I can stand up. He lets go off my hand but not without squeezing it again. “Moving to Norway is a big step. Have you talked with Robbi about it?” My brother changes the language to Slovene and I sigh. He always does this when Daniel leaves the room and when the Norwegian comes back, he thinks he is a burden because we need to speak in English with him. “No. I haven’t talked with anyone about it apart from Daniel and now you. I would appreciate if this stayed in the room for now.”

Dad collects us and together we go to Nikas room. We sing a short happy birthday for her and then we get to the hotel restaurant. Dad speaks a short toast and then we all sip on our glasses of champagne. “I don’t think, we will jump tomorrow anyway.”, Nika says when Dad asks her if she really wants a glass. Peter, who sits across of me, and I exchange a look and I wink at him. We will definitely gift her wine now. Daniel sits next to me and under the table I put my hand on his knee. He still feels a bit out of place. I can tell by the way he scoops on his chair. My boyfriend always struggles with feeling out of place with my big family. But especially when Cene´s girlfriend and Mina aren’t there. ”The forecast is really bad. I don’t get why they didn’t do a competition today and cancel tomorrow already. Now we will have waiting games.”, I add and take a sip of champagne. Waiting games are always annoying. With ski flying they are also nerve-racking. Nobody wants to fly when the conditions are bad. Not even me. “You will at least get a substitution. I bet with you that if the competition really gets cancelled that we women don’t get a new date.” “I really hope they get a new race director for you guys. The one now is a disaster. It starts why the low gate and ends with the many cancelled competition.”

Cancelled competition is probably phrase of the day. It starts with a cancelled trial round for the girls and then the comp gets completely sacked. Nonetheless we need to get to the hill since the conditions might improve. I have over 200 world cups under my belt, and I know that we won’t jump today. The wind, the snow, everything is against it. But since money and a tournament depend on the competition today, they are not cancelling the race just now. They wait and hope. Even though everyone who knows this hill, sees that nobody will jump today. Not even a brave trial jumper.

My trainer is just finishing his little rundown of things we should do while we wait. A light warm-up, imitations and stretching is all we would do today. He is still optimistic that we would get at least one jump today. Probably to keep the moral up in this tiny cabin next to the hill. The wind is howling outside and is overpowering Rob a few times. “Just try to be ready. If they find a window for the jumps, it can be quite soon and without much warning.”, Rob ends his speech. Lovro and Timi jump up to get outside. They would probably play a few rounds of volleyball. I will join them in a few moments, but I have a thing to do before. Peter is shooting me a funny look when I stay behind. Normally I am the first one out. The small cabins they usually have at a hill, always feel too cramped for me.

I try to look busy with sorting my stuff until everyone except Robert and I left. When Peros closes the door behind him, I stand up from the bench. With a clearing of my throat, I get the attention of my coach. “Can I help you, Domen?”, he asks. I nod slowly. “Actually, you can. If you have five minutes or so for me today, I would really appreciate it.” Today is probably the last good day to have a conversation with my trainer during the season. Tomorrow will be busy since we will most likely get a substitute competition. Then there is the whole craziness of Planica. This year especially with Peter retiring and Nika getting her crystal globe. “Please not you too. I can’t lose all Prevc brothers in a span of two years.” Robert is sitting down on one of the benches and is shaking his head at me. It takes a few seconds till I understand what he means. “Oh gosh no. I am not retiring. You will have to keep up with me for at least another five to ten years. Probably more.” A loud sigh escapes his mouth. The relief is plastered on his face. My opening for this conversation wasn’t the best I assume. “That is good to know. What is it then?” “Daniel and I have been thinking of moving in together. It is time to take the next step. But since we are on different teams, we honestly don’t know how to handle it. Could I just move to Norway and do my day-to-day training there? Or could he do it with us? A fifty-fifty split?” My trainer points on the bench next to him and I sit down. Robert is eyeing me up a bit. “Honestly. I have been waiting for this conversation for two years now because I knew that eventually we would end up here.” A small chuckle comes from me. Of course. Rob is always two steps ahead. Equally in training or in personal matters. “Have you come up with a solution?” My trainer sits up a bit straighter. “If you want to make it work you can. Decide what you guys want to do. I will support you no matter what and we will make it work.” Talking to Robert and Peter makes this whole thing a bit more real. Like we are really doing it. “I´ll let you know if we decide on something.” Rob pats me on the shoulder and smiles at me. “I am really happy for you. That is a big step, and I am so glad that you are finally taking it.”

I am right. The competition on Saturday gets cancelled and now the schedule for Sunday is packed. First the girl’s competition, who sadly but not surprisingly didn’t get another comp, then we will have a go. In the afternoon the weird competition three round format takes places. Today the weather is at least nice. If we have to spend the whole day at the hill, I rather do it with sunshine than snow or rain. “It is so sad that I can’t be at your nationals. I would love to see you jump again.”, I complain while I jog through the forest with Daniel. The Norwegians apparently like torture and put their national championship between Vikersund and Planica. Whoever had the idea for this timeslot, must be unaware of the season plan because in my eyes is it just dumb. Even putting it after Planica would have been more reasonable. “I won’t perform anyways. This season is just not for me.” I roll my eyes while jumping over a small stick. “A bit more optimism, Danny. Otherwise, I will send you to our mental trainer.” At first, I hated mental training, but I have to admit it helped. Daniel tried it as well after Planica but stopped going. “Also, I like watching you jump even if you do it shit.” Daniel shrugs. “Next season will be better hopefully. I am more excited for Planica. The whole weekend will be so emotional. I bet you are gonna cry.” “I won’t cry. It is not like I won’t see Peter again. He is literally my brother.” My boyfriend raises an eyebrow. We are getting closer to the team cabins. The music of the DJ is getting louder, and a few fans are already audible. Soon we would have to behave distant again. Not like a couple, more like friends. If even that. That’s why I stop in the middle of the trail. Daniel comes to a halt a few meters after me.

“Is everything okay?”, he questions. I take a few steps until we are directly in front of each other. Carelessly I sling an arm around his torso and pull him closer. It is cold today. We are both wearing our thick winter jackets from our teams. Even with the two thick layers between us, it is lovely to hold him. Just the sunglasses on Daniels face feel a bit out of place with the beanie on his head. Daniel leans against me and I enjoy the feeling of his body weight against me. “You will cry like a baby, I bet. Rember how much you sobbed when you told me he was retiring.” My boyfriend is smirking at me, and I roll my eyes. “I made my peace with it.” “Did you? Is that the reason why you still change the subject when I want to talk about it?” Daniel is putting a hand on my cheek. His thump is gently stroking my jaw. I lean into the touch. His hand warms my cold face, and a nice heat is spreading through me. “I am currently trying the ignore approach if you must know. I´ll ignore it until the next season when he isn’t there and then I am dealing with it.” I can feel Danny´s eyes on me even with the sunglasses. He leans his head a bit to the right. “If you want to talk about it, you know I am here and I won´t leave your side next weekend if you want to.” The meaning of this words hits me after a few seconds have passed. I open my mouth and close it again. He is ready to go public. If I say yes now, we won’t hide it – us – anymore. I wrap my arms around his neck. “Not next week. Next week is about Nika and Peter. I don’t want to take attention away from them. But after Planica …” I look around. No cameras nearby. I lean forward and give him a short kiss. When we part Daniel takes my hand and squeezes it. An unspoken way of agreement. A bright smile is building on my face. Finally, we would do it.

The ringing of my phone is interrupting us. With a sigh I take the call. Of course it is my older brother. “What?” “I just wanted to let you know that Nika is jumping soon. You wanted to see her?” Is it already this late? Shit. Spending time with Daniel always flies by like nothing. “Alright I´ll be there in a minute. Where are you watching?” My brother gives me his position and then he hangs up. “Nika is jumping soon.”, I explain to my boyfriend. “Then let’s go.”

Dad, Peter, Daniel and I stand on the side of the hill. It is nice that Daniel decided to join us today and not disappear in his team’s cabin. “I should have gotten my glasses as well.”, I complain while holding my hand up to shield my eyes from the bright sun. The reflection of the sun on the white hill makes it almost impossible to look at it. My brother has his ski mask on, and I should have done the same thing. “You are such a baby.”, Daniel says but takes of his glasses and gives them to me. “Now you can’t watch.” “She is your sister.” I know that arguing with him won’t help so I take the glasses. “You know that these are mine now?” A bright grin is building on my lips. Daniel begins to laugh and nods. “I figured, kleptomaniac.”

My jump in the first competition was good. Pretty great even. Good length and with a beautiful telemark. Jumper after jumper is landing behind me and I keep standing in the leader’s box. With Danny´s sunglasses on. He is helping his team with getting the stuff around the mixed zone but here and there he smirks at me. I tap on the glasses whenever he is around. It is pleasant having him with me even if he is not really around. Lovro, who jumped a bit after me, is done changing and is standing next to me now. “Do you think it is enough for a podium?”, he questions. I raise my shoulders. “I hope so.” He pulls out is phone out the pocket and looks at the ticker. Like he always does. I swear he is glued to this thing. “The wind is getting a bit better.” I just nod and look up the hill. “Thank you again for letting me have the single room this weekend. I´ll make it up.” Lovro shakes his head. “All good. I haven’t seen you this relaxed in ages that’s worth sharing a room with your brother this weekend.” I pat him on the shoulder. “I will give you an alibi if you ever want to smuggle someone in.”

After my brother lands behind me in the standing, I know I made it on the podium. Peters is giving me a close hug in the outrun and he grins at me as if he is the one on the podium. The hug is closer then normally. He probably thinks that this could be the last time he ever sees me get on the podium. I shallow hard but don’t let the smile drop. As soon as I step out of the gate, Danny runs into my arms. It is an innocent hug that last a second longer than it should but right now neither of us cares. “I love you. You did so good.”, he whispers in my ears. “I love you more and I am so glad that you are here to celebrate with me.”

And when I step onto the podium, still with his glasses on, I feel happier to be on the podium than I ever did.

[skiijumpinng]

as requested, i translated this interview with zoran zupančič, the main coach of team slovenia’s ski jumping ladies. he talked about his career, the team, injuries, expectations at the championships and the problem with earning enough money.

 When Zoran Zupančič became the coach of woman A team in season 2018/2019, he focused on discipline. 

This season we have Nika Križnar, who is fighting for the crystal globe, meanwhile the slovenian team is on the first place in nations cup. Their goal is a medal in Championships in Oberstdorf. “We are keeping in mind that we can take every medal”

It’s also good that there are young girls in ski jumping, one of them being Nika Prevc. He also exposed the fact that they earn the money only with their results.

The girls improved a lot this winter.  He is excited for the future, because there are a lot of young girls who are very interesting.

The girls can be compared with guys until they are 15 years old. Then there are more differences.   They can’t be the same in terms of physical preparation, but they can be similar in style of the jump.

I know we have a lot of girls who can win. But it’s not a given. Everything has to be planned and executed correctly.  Every weekend and every training. We had to adjust a lot this year, but we trained normally. We could train in Planica, Kranj and Beljak. I guess it was enough, as seen in team results. We are lucky. Urša Bogataj came back after the injury, but she is not completely okay yet.  Ema is also not on the same level as she was before. Things like these leave consequences. We know that we are fighting agains the strongest teams, but others have injuries as well. 

The girls are always talking about the team spirit. How did that affect the improvement this season?

There is not a lot of teams who train together. The others normally go their separate ways when they come home. I try to keep the team together. This is the best for the sport. Team spirit lifts the quality of jumping, but I am open and they can train in their clubs as well.     

Was the goal this year to be on top?

Nika is a strong girl and she is very competitive. She won’t give up.  I want her to continue this way. I also want us to stay healthy all season.  If we stay together, we will be strong. There is a small difference to be in top 10. We will do everything to fight for the crystal globe.  

You fucused a lot on the winning mentalty.

 We always tried to prepare the team to be able to win. When I became the coach we had to reorganize some things. The girls know what they have to do in each moment. This year we focused on them being consistent. 

Are the girls scared of being injured?   There is fear by those who were already injured. Each time you feel better, you want to jump further. It’s hard for the knee to keep up.   We work a lot on the stability.   The girls usually use the same ski jumping hills, but they jump from the higher gate. The speed by landing is a lot higher and tehre is also more pressure. Right at that moment something can happen.

Every coach wants for them to stay healthy. The rehabilitation can be very long. But we are fastest nation when it comes to healing a knee. Some girls from other teams were absent even for 2 years.

What about the younger generation?

There ia also a lot of younger girls, such as Nika Prevc and Jerneja Brecelj. It ilooks a lot better than 2 years ago. Katra Komar and Jerneja Brecelj are somewhere in between. But we also have 3 interesting young ski jumpers. I hope they will join us in teh future.

Nika did very good, it is clear that she knows what she wants. The whole family is very focused on ski jumping.  She grew a lot in the last year and she is still an agressive jumpers.  She has teh qualities which she needs. It’s great that she is developing this way.

What is so special with Prevc’s? I was there with Domen as in Youth Olympic Games. He has an amazing physique. Even better than Peter Prevc, but Peter worked on other things as well. He is calm and smart, and technically very good. Cene had a lpt of ups and downs. This brought a lot of problems. I hope he will become more calm. He could still jump 5 or 10 more seasons.

Can we expect Nika Prevc in world cup soon? Everything is open, but there is currently a lot of girls.       

What is important when it comes to young ski jumpers? We have to teach them to be calm and consistent. Someone has to watch them to not go too far. It’s hard to go back.They have to have discipline and everything is easier. Younger girls need someone to watch over them.We had a lot of problems with this and it’s even harder with girls, because of their monthly cycle. If the boys had it, it would be even harder (laugh).

Is there a possibility for medals in Oberstdorf? Our goal is a medal in team competition. I hope the girls have a good day to achieve the medal we know we can get.    I know everyone will expect something from us.  

Nika looks very mentally stable. She is very competitive and aggressive, that way she can get injured quickly.    Nithing can stop her, so I have to calm her down sometimes.If I can do that, it gets better.    

What about their status? Will something change?   We are small, and everyone wants some money. I hope I can see some chenges soon.     I know the army and police can take all the athletes in their organizations., but other countries have it sorted out, so the athletes don’t have to think about it.   That’s why I sent them all into university. They have to get education, but it’s hard to be in school and train at the same time.    They are all studying, except Špela Rogelj, who already finished.

Are you also thinking about working with the guys? This is far for now. I have to keep with the programme until the olympic games. Then I will think about the future steps.

[skiijumpinng]

i know that you're very excited about planica sooo: i'm very curious how the teams will look like, what will team slovenia do?? will richi come back?? team austria with all the covid cases?? it's a very interesting situation

firstly, i am very sorry for always talking about planica, but i literally can’t help myself

secondly, i think the season in general will be intersting, just because of covid and the consequences it can have. maybe we won’t even get the whole season? sorry i need to stop being pessimistic in my opinion, it is a bit weird that they are having a normal world cup competition in russia just one week before the ski flying wolrd championships; so many of them could get infected (i think it’s quite bad in russia??) and consequentially a lot of teams would have to go into quarantine and miss out on the championships. and that’s just the thing, will it even be fair if some of the best ski jumpers are not there? ok yes it will be valid, but also not really for example kraft, he is a world record holder and thus a great flyer? imagine if tande gets infected and can’t defend his title? this season is just a mess considering all of this

but to return to your question, i have no idea what team slovenia will do. it’s so sad to watch them stuggle, because i know how much pressure the media, themselves and the public puts on them for the ‘home championships’. specially pero, he can lose motivation so quickly because of one bad jump and it takes him long to get back into it. i have high hopes that domen will be the saviour and will magically come to the competition to surprise us all, and i also have a really great feeling about pavlovčič and timi (their jumping styles are made for flying)

about richi, i read an interview with horgnacher and he said that they will decide after russia who stays in the team. i don’t really know much else, he has been pretty mia this year so i have no idea if he feels ‘good enough’ to make a comeback on the championships. i do have a bad feeling about welle staying in the team tho, he just isn’t able to get his form back and i just hope he will get back there soon.

and team austria, i think today is their last day of quarantine, but i could be wrong? they are obviously out of form because they haven’t been able to train, so to come straight back to the championships seems a bit risky.

and i will allow myself to rant about my expectatons a bit; i think it will be very interesting to see how they all perform on the flying hill; i have a feeling eisei will be great there, while granerud not so much??. i would like to see some new faces on the top (i loved that danny was second today!), but as i’ve said, flying hill can be totally different and a wild domči may appear

thank you for sending me this and for allowing me to rant about planica :)

[skiijumpinng]

PLANICA- SUNDAY, 24. 3. 2019- RECAP

so, since i’ve been in Planica today and i do this every year, i decided to do a recap of all the moments that are not shown on tv but are too good to be kept to myself

coming there is like getting into another world and i get impressed by the atmosphere every year

i woke up at 3 am so i could be there in time and it was totally wort it

it was so freaking cold and my legs were about to freeze off but when the sun came out everyone was in short sleeves

i was there around 7 am and so many of the jumpers were walking around and taking pics of the hill (Antti just appeared out of nowhere and i freaked out)

Cene Prevc and Andraž Pograjc were so good as pre jumpers!!!

also Ernest Prišlič was hanging around all the time

Lanišek’s kid is so freaking cute and they played peekaboo and he gave him lots of kisses and it was too much to handle

Žiga Jelar is so good with kids?? he literally stopped at everyone and joked with them

Žiga, Tilen and Bor Pavlovčič kept walking around all the time

i also saw Pero’s kid and he was wearing a little beanie with his logo (how freaking cute!!!)

i was looking around for Stephan and i didn’t see him, but he came around in the middle of the trial round and went to the outrun and i swear the world stopped (some guy was literally leading him and holding his back and he also looked kinda sad- or maybe i’m just used to seeing him smile all the time)

i was standing on the stand on the right side of the hill and i realised i was probably in the background of the german tv oops

i saw Martin Hamann from the toilet window

also i get reminded about this every year but they are all so pretty??!!

the trial round was so good but then the first round started and the crowd cheered so much

SO. MANY. FLAGS.

if we got mad Johann last year, there was a very very mad Markus after the first round this year

Piotr Zyla is the slowest walking human i ever saw, i’m surprised he even came back on top on time

i saw a Pedersen&Fannemel hug and Robin had to squat down to hug him and they were talking and laughing and it was very very cute

also Granerud and Killian were talking about their jumps and showing it with their hands which i found very amusing

Andi radiates positive energy wherever he is

also Marius and Robin literally appeared in front of me and looked straight in my direction and i froze damn

i got so many cards this year and i’m actually kinda proud of myself for going out there and not being so anxious as last years

seeing them close up might not have been good for me tho

a little kid was standing next to me at the fence and he literally knew everyone and was very sad when he didn’t get Pero’s card, so i gave him mine because i had two (i felt like i had to, he was so freaking cute just calling everyone by their names)

i wanted to high five Walter but he literally grabbed my hand and we did a proper handshake (I’M STILL SCREAMING INSIDE)

i congratulated Krafti and he thanked me back and that’s all i ever really wanted

Michi is so sweet

RYOYU JUMPED 252 METERS AND I HAVE NEVER SEEN A CROWD CHEER SO MUCH IT WAS WILD

Zografski set a new Bulgarian record and he couldn’t stop smiling

also i love how everyone cheered for everyone so so much

Cene fell as a pre jumper before the second round and everyone went quiet but then he just backflipped out of it and laughed what a legend

i ALMOST got a pic with Marius and Robin

norwegian fans bringing in the beer in the drums is the peak of intelligence

i saw a rare Domči smile that actually reached his ears what a day

Lellinger is indeed always together, sorry i don’t make the rules

also Andi highfived Stephan and then hung his arms around him i cry

Killian and Daniel Huber gave their bibs to the fans

I HIGHFIVED WERNER

the crowd went wild when Domen beat Markus and got the 2nd place

also Andi always had snowballs in his hands what a child

i shouldn’t be surprised by now, but the Polish fans sung the anthem so loud (they were also screaming ‘Kamil Stoch’ what a mood)

Naoki carrying Ryoyu’s globes tho

Domen was sitting in the snow and the whole team Slovenia started throwing snowballs at him i stan one team

also my face is one giant sunburn but it was worth it

the Japanese anthem on repeat because Ryoyu won everything is what i’m here for

it was so nice and warm and people are so nice and everything went as planned which i was most scared about

also literally everyone is in a certain hotel in Kranjska Gora and the the cars from all the teams are all parked together

also Ammann was walking around Kranjska Gora with his wife and i met him at least three times

it just feels like home i don’t know, there are so many known faces and it feels weird but so amazing seeing them live after a whole year

i had tears in my eyes several times because the atmosphere was everything

so yeah, this was way longer than i thought (probably still forgot something)  but i had so much fun and it just made me fall in love with Planica a little bit more

[llamasarecoolerthanyou]

Summer love part 2 – Stephan Leyhe & Andreas Wellinger

Thank you so much for all the likes, reblogs and kind words! It means the world to me. ❤️

Here is the second part. It was supposed to be short and sweet but I don’t think that’s possible with me. 😂 It turns out, I can’t let them be happy without some suffering but I hope you’ll still enjoy it.

Summer love part 2 – Stephan Leyhe & Andreas Wellinger

For the first time in months, Andreas actually felt happy. Even though it was already March and the season was slowly coming to an end, he was finally going to make his debut in a World Cup competition.

As it often happened, his thoughts went back to the time that was at once the happiest and most painful in his life. When Stephan had kissed him that day, for just a moment Andreas felt like he had everything he could ever want; only to have it taken away a second later.

  After he came home, all he wanted to do was to wallow in misery and stare at his phone hoping for a call from the man he was in love with. Fortunately, there was Karl who came banging on his door after a week of no contact. He would be forever grateful to his friend who had spent hours talking sense into him despite his often rude remarks.

He still thought about the brunette constantly, but thanks to Karl’s stubbornness he was soon back in the gym. Andreas put all the energy he had left into training. After not showing up at all for days, he was now staying after hours and was usually the last one to leave. But in spite of his determination and perseverance, the results just weren’t there.

During the first Continental Cup competition, he didn’t advance to the second round. As the time went on, he started to rank a little higher but still never even made it into the top fifteen. But whereas others would probably start considering giving up, somehow the lack of success only made him try harder.  

He didn’t know why but he felt like he needed to prove something, although he had no idea to whom. Maybe he wanted to show Stephan that he was right to believe in him. Some part of him thought even that his success would make the older man want him back. Mostly though Andreas just wanted to finally feel something besides this constant emptiness.    

He knew his best friend was starting to worry about him again but to everyone’s relief, February brought his first podium. The following starts proved to be even more successful, with the Bavarian suddenly winning every competition leading up to the World Championships. As none of them had been selected, Andi and Karl decided to watch the events together.

Leyhe didn’t start in the qualifications to the two individual competitions. Andreas was sure he couldn’t have felt more frustrated even if he had been the one being overlooked. Remembering their conversation from a few months back, he knew the brunette must be feeling pretty insecure and disappointed right now.

He was as surprised as everyone else, when the day before the final men’s competition, Werner Schuster announced that Stephan would be joining the team.

When the time came for the Hessian to jump, Andi was on the edge of his seat, nervously tapping his foot. He could hear Karl snickering at his agitated behavior but at that moment he didn’t care. All he wanted was for Stephan to make a great jump and show everyone that he belonged there.

An hour later he was watching with tears in his eyes as the man he was in love with received his silver medal. Seeing him smile and laugh with his teammates made him feel better than all his recent victories. What’s more, it made him long for a moment when he would be the one standing next to the brunette, celebrating a shared success.  

  From that day on something inside him changed or as his best friend said, “the old Andi came back”. He was more mature than a year ago but at the same time kept his easy-going attitude and infectious smile. This change couldn’t have come at a better time, as a few days later he got a call from his coach.

One of the jumpers from the A-team had sustained a minor injury during the Championships and not wanting to risk his health, decided to withdraw from the remaining two weeks of competitions. As he was currently the best among the B-team, they selected him to join the team.

Which meant that he was now on his way to Oslo, where he would join the German squad for the Raw Air tournament. Having finally achieved something he had been dreaming about for years, he was feeling excited and nervous.

The fact that he would be seeing Stephan for the first time in months didn’t help either. A few weeks ago he would have probably dreaded meeting him again but now he was somehow hopeful. He reminded himself that there was a chance that Leyhe wouldn’t want anything to do with him after all this time, but that didn’t seem like something the man he remembered would do.

Soon he arrived at the hotel and was now waiting at the reception as instructed. He couldn’t stop himself from looking around, even if it wasn’t very likely that he would spot Stephan anywhere.

“He’s not here.” He heard someone say and turned around to see Markus watching him with a smirk.

“What? I wasn’t…” he started to say, trying to pretend he didn’t know who the older man was talking about.

“Sure,” Eisenbichler rolled his eyes and continued ironically, “and I’m the one Leyhe is swooning over.”

“I…” Andi blushed, not sure whether he was mocking him.

Noticing that the younger man was becoming nervous, Markus decided to take pity on him and assured him with a friendlier smile. “Calm down kid, I’m just joking around.”

“But Stephan really isn’t here, I’m afraid. Schuster didn’t want him to strain that injured ankle, so you’re here to replace him,” added the brunette apologetically.

Andreas felt disappointment flood his body, he had really hoped he would have the chance to see Stephan again. It was just his luck that after coming here, finally having gotten the shot he was waiting for so long, it turns out that the one person he wanted to share his happiness with was not here.

“Don’t look so disappointed. Come on, we’re going to be roommates for the next two weeks.” Markus patted him on the back and started walking towards the elevator.

  Despite his initial hesitation, it turned out that living with Markus was actually pretty good. He had someone who could show him how things were done among the A-team and most importantly, even though he was new, he didn’t feel isolated from the group. He still wished he was experiencing all of it with Stephan, but it was nice to have someone who was willing to listen to his excited gushing after another day at the hill.

Time flew by and soon they were in Planica, about to enjoy the last weekend of the season. Andreas was satisfied with his results in the Raw Air tournament, having placed in the top fifteen in all of the competitions. In the end, he had come in tenth in the overall ranking, which was more than he could have hoped for.

They were relaxing after a training and the blonde was once again trying to gather up the courage to ask his new friend about Stephan. He knew they talked often but never when he was in the room, and the few times he walked in on their phone calls Eisenbichler quickly hung up.

He was too busy internally freaking out to notice that his roommate was staring at him amused and shaking his head.

“Are you finally going to ask? I would give you more time, only we’re leaving tomorrow and honestly, I’m getting fed up with the both of you.”

“You mean Stephan…” Andi said, looking hopefully at the older man.

“…is a moron like you?” Markus added exasperatedly. “Yes. You’re both acting like lovesick puppies. I can admit it was funny at the beginning but if I have to spend another evening recounting what you ate for breakfast, I’m going to lose it.”      

Andi tried to look like he was offended but after a second decided that he simply didn’t care. After months of wondering, he found out that he wasn’t the only one still thinking about last summer. Stephan had to still care about him if he was asking his best friend about him. Maybe it would take longer than he wished but he felt like everything was going to work out.

Knowing he lost him for a while, Markus just rolled his eyes at the grinning idiot and thought he may as well visit Freitag.

Three months later

Stephan smiled widely as he exited the car and looked around. Two days late but he was finally in Spain, ready for this year’s training camp. His cousin’s wedding the day before made him miss the flight with the rest of the guys, but now the wait was over.

After a long and miserable year, he was going to see Andi again. He had been distraught after finding out that the blonde was going to join the German team in Norway, just as he had been forced to take a break.

When he left the Bavarian after their kiss last summer, he thought he had done the right thing. He told himself that they were too young, Andi was just eighteen for God’s sake, and he couldn’t expect him to commit to a long-distance relationship after two months of knowing each other.

Before that night he had hoped they would stay friends but after he had kissed Andi, he knew it was no longer a possibility. It would hurt them too much to pretend that they didn’t feel more.

However as the time went on, he started to wonder what if. What if they had tried to make it work? If he had told him earlier about his feelings, after all, he had seen that Andreas liked him. If he hadn’t been too afraid to risk everything for once in his life.

He spent months regretting his decision and finding excuses not to phone Andi. He was pretty sure that Markus came close to hitting him several times, during his late night whining.

He almost called the younger man in March, after Markus had assured him repeatedly that Stephan still had a chance with the blonde, but then came the news. Having heard that Andi was joining the A-team this year, he decided to wait a little longer and tell him everything in person.

Shaking off the memories, he grabbed his luggage and headed towards the hotel. He spotted Markus waiting for him near the reception and walked over to him.

“Have you seen him? Do you know where he is now?”

“It’s nice to see you, too. I’m great, thank you for asking,” answered ironically his friend.

“I’m sorry. It’s just that we’ve waited so long and…” Stephan smiled apologetically.

“It’s fine, you know I’m your biggest fan. He’s at the beach, now go and end our suffering,” said Markus taking his suitcase and shooing him away.

Having thanked his teammate, he walked quickly to the beach. Ten minutes later he was there and his heart started beating faster as he saw the man he was in love with. Andi was sitting with his back to him and making circles in the sand.

Feeling anxious, he came closer and asked, “Mind if I sit here?”

Andreas turned quickly, clearly, he hadn’t heard him approach. He looked surprised but after a second, a beautiful smile lit up his face.

“Go ahead.”

Stephan sat down and, hoping he won’t be rejected, took the other man’s hand in his.

“I’m sorry. I was so stupid…” he started to say but Andi just shook his head, leaned down and softly pressed his lips against Stephan’s.

He returned the kiss and the blonde put his arms around him. Stephan felt himself melting into his embrace. Their first kiss had been desperate and frantic, whereas now it stayed tender as their lips moved softly against each other.

They broke away after what seemed like ages but remained close as he gently caressed Andi’s cheek.

Finally, Andreas broke the silence, “I know we have to talk about everything that had happened. But I have been in love with you for months and I’m not going to wait any longer. All I need to know is if you love me because if you do, then there is no doubt in my mind that we can make it work.”

His voice was calm but he could see the anxiety in Andi’s eyes as he spoke. Still, all he felt in that moment was happiness and pride. He was proud of his Andi who had the courage to confess his feelings, even though he must have been terrified. He no longer resembled the stammering boy, who blushed every time Stephan looked at him.

“Of course I love you. I’ve loved you since last summer but I was too much of a coward to say…” he began but the blonde interrupted him again.

“It doesn’t matter anymore,” he whispered and pulled him closer to kiss him again.

And at that moment, it didn’t. Later they would talk about their mistakes and things they could have done better but right now, he was with the man he had missed and dreamed about for almost a year and nothing else mattered.

***

I guess it turned out to be much more of Andi’s story but I promise there will be more Stephan in my next one shot. 😊   

I’m hoping to publish at least one fic a week, I know it’s not a lot but it takes me a few days to write and polish a story and I don’t have that much time. 😔

[imaginethatsj]

Daniel Andre Tande imagine - “Fourth base”

Your boyfriend and you were together for almost a year now. Your anniversary will be in two weeks and this was your first long relationship and you want one-year anniversary to be special. But work got in the way. He is in Norway competing and you are at home working your part time job since you still have to attend classes at your university. Looking one year back you wonder how you two made it work since you were a part majority of the time. Anyway, the important thing is that you made thing work. No relationship in perfect and every relationship is unique. Sure you had to sacrifice a few things but it seemed worth it.

You already had your ticket to see the Planica event and you were counting down the days till you see your man. It seemed the days were passing by slowly till the day finally came. On Thursday you were traveling across your country to surprise Daniel. He thought you were coming on Friday since you told him so. He didn’t know that you are coming a day early.

You drove for a good three hours to their hotel, since the traffic was horrible. It always was at the time of Planica. When you arrived at the hotel ski jumpers were already getting into their vans to drive them to the ski flying hill. When you parked your car you started to look for a familiar face you haven’t seen in so long. After looking at three different vehicles you found the right one. There he was. You couldn’t help yourself but to observe him at first for a minute or two. Then he turned his back to you and you decided to do something childish. Johann Andre Forfang saw you but you motioned to him to be quiet. Slowly and quietly you crept behind his back and jumped on him like you wanted a piggyback ride. He got scared because you could feel his body stiffen but once he realized what was happening turned his head as much as he could and relaxed completely. It was you. “Y/N” He breathed out like he had a hard time believing what his eyes were seeing. “Hi. I just dropped by to see you before the competition. I wanted to surprise you and wish you good luck today.  So, good luck.” You whispered the last part looking him in the eyes while smiling uncontrollably. “Thank you gorgeous. We probably have a free seat in the car so you can come with us. I suppose the traffic is horrible.” – “It’s no different than in the past years. That was kind of my plan actually!” You laughed. Eventually everyone got together, got into the van and drove to the hill.

It was already crowded and people were waiting in long queues for their tickets to be checked. You wanted to watch this competition from normal area since you bought basic ticket. But somehow the boys convinced you to join the area only for media and staff. You parted your ways with the team and had to say goodbye to Daniel for a while. “See you soon champ! Good luck!” You said pretty loudly, already feeling the adrenaline and excitement in your bloodstream. You kissed him on the lips and remembered how soft his lips were. “I’m glad you came a day early” He said while embracing you into a tight hug. Then he went to the cabins and you went to the area where you had the best view.

When you found the best spot and a few of the girls recognized you and said hi to you. Sometimes you didn’t like being recognized but there were times when you felt proud that you found a guy that loves you with all his heart, is successful at what he does and had such a good heart. You took too many snapchats letting everyone know where you were.

Soon the competition started and the jumps were long and the crowd was amazing. Cheering for everyone and just having the best time they could possibly be having. In the break between the rounds you met with Daniel for a few minutes before he had to go back to the `ski jumper’s village´.

The competition was over in a heartbeat and the ceremony was already over. When you got back to the hotel boys weren’t tired but full of adrenaline. They ate their dinner and then disappeared into their hotel rooms. When Daniel came into his room he had his arms behind his back like he was hiding something from you.

“What do you have back there mister?” You asked teasingly smiling from ear to ear finally having this man to yourself. “Oh, just nothing.” He said but his smile betrayed him. You could see him smiling as an idiot and you knew he has something planned. “I don’t know why, but I am finding it hard to believe what you said.” – “You know me too well. Dammit.” He acted like he was a bit angry with himself but he amused you. God you missed him. Even though he was lately a bit disappointed after the competition he always made you smile so hard that your cheeks and stomach hurt.

“Anyway… I brought you something to celebrate one-year anniversary that we have today.” He said feeling proud of himself but you were confused. You narrowed your eyes and didn’t know whether he has wrong anniversary date or you do. “What anniversary Danny? Our anniversary was a week ago, not today.” You said carefully afraid you will hurt his feelings but he laughed at you instead. `What is going on? ´ you asked yourself. “Oh don’t tell me you don’t know that we have another anniversary today?” He said smiling while clearly enjoying confusing you. You really didn’t know what he was talking about. “Well let me tell you something. A year ago we have done `the deed´. How can you forget about that? So I brought something up here.” He said while finally showing me what was he hiding behind his back. There was hot chocolate that you absolutely loved and instead of the usual biscuit there was another package. You giggled while he had his cocky smile on his gorgeous face. “So you want to celebrate the day that you finally got to the fourth base with me?” You winked at him, playing along with what he had started. “That’s right. I mean not everyone can get what I got and I am thankful for that. You’re mine and only mine.” He started with a playful smile but ended with an honest and thankful smile and voice. You knew what he meant with that

`you’re mine and only mine´

. Your first time was with him and there wasn’t a day when you regretted waiting for the right guy. Your lips broke into a smile once again, you stood up and went to stand right in front of him, your bodies barely touching. “Only yours baby.” Your hand brushed away pieces of hair that were constantly falling into his face and then placing your palm cupping his cheek. He closed his eyes for a brief second before opening them and leaning in for a kiss. It felt like he gave everything into that one kiss and it felt good to kiss him after so much time. You broke the kiss only to ask him something with a confident smile. “So which one should we use first: hot chocolate or the packaging?”