#also i am starting planica now

[skijumpingf1]

These are mine now (D. Prevc X D. Tande)

Welcome back to another Domiel fic. This time they are in Vikersund. Again, you can read it independently, but it is set in the same universe as Part 1 and Part 2. There is mention of Domens sunglasses. Also, I feel like there is a bit more other people especially Peter. I hope you enjoy it and have a nice day.

Wordcount: 4945

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Vikersund is presenting itself mystical this Friday. With the fog and the snow, it is almost impossible to see up the hill. Nevertheless, Peter and I are standing on the side of the hill. We both have our phones in our hand. Mine is doing a videocall with our other brother, while Pero is calling our mother and Ema. Dad is standing next to us here in Vikersund. He couldn’t resist on coming to Norway and seeing his daughter fly for the first time ever and possibly even seeing her win her first crystal globe. Eva, the jumper in front of Nika, is getting on the bar and I can feel my nerves tensing up. Every jump from one of siblings is nerve-racking to watch. It doesn't matter if it is Peter doing a training jump like he did a million times before, Cene doing his last one ever or Nika doing her first flight. Same goes for Daniel as well. But some jumps are more special to watch then others. Like this one. I can’t believe that my little sister is already ski flying. The same way I can’t really believe that she is leading the women’s world cup and is almost certainly winning it. At just 19. “Domen! You need to put the camera in the direction of the hill.”, Cene is complaining. “Shut up. She isn’t even jumping yet.” Through Peters phone I can hear a small laugh from our mother. She would have loved to be here as well, but Ema still needed to attend school. “But in a minute, she will be.” “If you wanted to you could have been here. You can’t complain when you choose not to come. Twice.” Peter is rolling his eyes at us, but I can see a smirk on his face. I bet he misses the time where we all three were in world cup and I would split my time being annoying between the both of them. Next year I would have to annoy my other teammates since both of them will be gone. “What is twice supposed to mean?” “Boys. Calm down. Nika is next.” When Dad says a word, we all follow. So, Cene and I shut up. I turn my phone in the direction of the hill and then we wait. Snowflakes are falling down the sky and are flying around us while wait for my little sister to finally get closer to the dream of flying.

The jump is good for her first flight. When she lands safely Dad, Peter and I let out a collective breath. “That was alright considering the jury is too careful with them.”, is Cenes judgement with the jump. I agree with him. But the problem honestly runs deeper than just a low gate. Even the fact, that the women had so few large hill comps, contributes to the short flights we witnessed - not just from Nika - but from most of the field. “More than alright. She landed safely.”, says our Mum. I exchange a look with Peter. Hopefully Nika wouldn’t get too nervous now. We both knew how much a first short flight could affect a weekend.

“How was it seeing Nika fly?” Daniel and I are standing in the village in between the cabins. He is in his normal team gear. If the media is asking, he is here to support his teammates.  I am stretching a bit but honestly, we are more talking than that I do a proper warm up. “Nerve racking. The last time I was this nervous seeing someone jump, was your first jump after Planica.” He raises an eyebrow at me. “You never told me it was this stressful for you. Judging on your behaviour this morning it must have been terrifying.” “It wasn’t that bad.” In all honesty, it kind of was that bad. This morning, I constantly checked the weather forecast and the wind. When he came back to the hill it was kind of similar. I even inspected the outrun while he was changing. Danny steps a bit closer to me. I can feel is body heat against me. One tiny step to the left and we would be touching. I look up to him and our eyes meet. “Why did you never tell me that me going back to the hill was so hard for you?” A tiny shrug from my part is enough to get me a caring look form him. “It was about you and not about me. Going back was hard enough for you without being worried about my feelings.” He flexes his hand and I know that he is fighting the urge of touching me right now. We are already standing too close with the cameramen around. Holding hands isn’t possible right now. “We will talk later about it.” “It has been almost three years and now days it´s still nerve racking watching you jump but not terrifying. So, there is nothing to talk about. The better question is if you come to Nikas birthday party tonight?”

Nika got the full jackpot today. 19th birthday and first-time ski flying. Considering she has a competition planed for tomorrow morning, we are keeping it simple. Our father reserved a table in the hotel restaurant we are staying at. Just Dad, Peter, Nika and me. And Daniel if he wants to. Nika asked him in Trondheim to join us. He is a bit hesitant since my dad would be there as well. It is not like that my dad disapproves of Daniel per se. He is more type though-love then welcoming and my boyfriend is absolutely not used to it. Mina also took her time getting on the good side of her father-in-law, so I am hoping that eventually Daniel will be more relaxed around him. “I don’t even have a present for her.” “You don’t have to gift her something. Or we could just say that my present is from the both of us.” Daniel steps a few centimetres away when a few people pass us that we don’t know. Getting the appropriate distance between us. I sigh. I hate this so much. “Okay I will come. But if it is awkward, it is your fault and I expect you to get me out of it.”

I have the honour of the single bedroom this weekend. Normally it would have been Lovro´s turn but it was surprisingly easy to get him to give it to me. Officially it isn’t allowed that Daniel is spending the night here, but nobody is knocking on the door and controlling it, so we do it anyways. Not even Peter is saying anything against it anymore. “Is a simple shirt enough or should I get my nice stuff?”, is Daniel asking when he steps out of the bathroom. His hair is still wet from the shower he just took, and a few drops are falling on his bare chest. I take a moment to admire him and let my eyes wander down his body. He is already wearing his jeans but has still two shirts in his hands. I know him with all my heart, but I love looking at him, nonetheless. “I am wearing a hoodie and training pants.” And not even my own cloth. It didn’t even occur to me to dress nice. Daniel is groaning. “You always wear your team gear. I want to see you dressed nicely again.”

A knock interrupts us and I stand up from the bed where I scrolled a bit on my phone. I give Daniel a small peck on the cheek on my way to the door. “I don’t even have anything else to wear here.” I open the door to my hotel room and Peter is standing in front of it in the open hallway. He is dressed nicely in a button down. “Can I come in?” “Danny, forget everything I just said. Take the nice shirt.”, I scream back at my boyfriend in the room. With that I step aside so that my brother can come into my room. The room is a typical small hotel so there isn’t really any space to hide here. “Hello Daniel.”, my brother greets my boyfriend, who looks a bit puzzled at me. “Can you warn me next time?” Daniel is quickly putting his nice shirt on. A light blue button down which highlights his eyes. Good choice. “Relax. Rember the family holiday last summer? You guys went swimming. It is not that different now.” Swimming is the understatement of the century. They had fierce water polo fights that even were too intense for Cene and me. “Sorry if I interrupted you guys. I was just wondering if you are getting Nika something for Thursday?” My eldest brother is scraping the back of his head and looking down a bit embarrassed. “No. Should I? I probably should.” I turn around to Danny, who is shaking his head at me. “She is winning the world cup. Of course you get her something.” “Did I get you something?”, I question my brother. Pero is shaking his head at me, and I hear a sigh from the Norwegian. That just further proofs his theory that I missed a few important developments in social norms. “But you were 16. I honestly didn’t expect anything. For Nika though, Cene and I thought we could get her something together.” “But you don’t know what to give her?”, I guess. Cene and Peter rely on me for gifts for our sisters most of the time. I spent the most time with them and grew up with them more. “I don’t know. What do you gift someone, who just won the most important title in our sport?” Peter would be the best to answer that question. He already won big. “Maybe something for her cat?”, Daniel is suggesting. Peter shakes his head. “Cene and I already give her a basket full of cat toys for her birthday.” The same present as last year. I don’t know why Mina isn’t helping them come up with better gifts. It is not that hard and that is coming from me.

“What about a few bottles of good wine? It is festive and maybe we can even like personalise the bottles.” Peter raises an eyebrow at me. “Nika barely even drinks. Why would we gift her wine?” I chuckle a bit. Barely even drinks, that is a good one. Daniel, who sits on the bed now, clears his throat and shakes his head a bit. Oh. Nika probably never calls Peter whenever she wants to be picked up from a party at her classmate’s houses. And he probably never gave her an alibi for our parents. It is not like Nika is partying every weekend. Otherwise, she wouldn’t be able to perform on the level she is. But she is 18, well now 19. You want to spent time with your friends and alcohol is a part of that sometimes. So, from time-to-time Nika asks me if I can pick her up and if she can sleep at my place. I didn’t even think about the fact that Peter and Cene never seen her drink more than a glass wine at Christmas. She never had to call them because I was there. “She is 19, Peter. Do you really thing she never drinks?” “Yes, to be honest.” I sit next to Daniel on our double bed. He lays his hand on my left thigh. It is thoughtless movement, but Peter notices and his expression softens a bit. “Let’s put it that way. If we gift her wine, she will drink it. You know how it is when you are 19. I can remember that you haven’t been that abstinent for your whole life either.” And I know for a fact that he needed to pick up Cene a few times because he couldn’t get home anymore. Funnyly enough, I am the least experienced with alcohol from my brothers. Back then I was always too busy training or traveling. “But Nika is always so responsible.” I raise my shoulders. “She is responsible, Peter. She always gets home safely and as far as I know she never even puked.” Even when one of her friends brings her home, she always sends me a text that she made it home safely. In the future I would have to rely on that. If I am really moving to Norway, like Danny and I talked about, Nika won’t be able to call me when she needs a ride. A wave of nostalgia hits me. Leaving Slovenia wouldn’t be hard regarding ski jumping. It would be hard in relation with my family. Until now it didn’t really hit me that stuff like picking Nika up, wouldn’t be possible from the other side of the continent. Like I knew it but in the time of face time, I thought that I wouldn’t miss that much.

Daniel notices the change in my mood before even I do it. His hand wanders from my thigh to my hand, and he grabs it. A gentle squeeze. I turn my head towards him. My boyfriend is shooting a small smile at me. His eyes say you don’t have to do it. And I know that I don’t have to do it but also want to spend my life with Daniel. Not just see him from time to time when our busy schedules align. I want that seeing him is the first thing in the morning and touching him the last thing before I fall asleep. My brother is still standing in the entrance of the room and is watching our small interaction. “What am I missing?” I exchange a look with Daniel, who nods at me. “It is just that I have been considering moving to Norway. Thinking of Nika and how I can’t pick her up after a party or something, made me realize that I would miss important steps in her life. And not only her life.” Nika and Ema are old enough to communicate regularly through the phone, but my nephews are still too young to do so. I would miss seeing them growing up. “You are thinking about moving to Norway? Since when? We never talked about it before.” Peter is pulling the chair from the desk. Thankfully it is still early in the weekend, and I haven’t put my dirty clothes on it. When he is also sitting and we are face to face, he opens his mouth and closes it again. “Well, we have been thinking about it. There is nothing planed. Also, you are the last one to complain. You told me just two days before the public that you want to retire.” It actually hurt a bit that he didn’t consult me when making the decision. I mean I get it. It is his decision, but I am his brother and we have been doing this sport together since ages. Cene talked with both of us about retiring. How he didn’t feel like he could give 100% anymore day in and day out. He wanted to hear our opinion on it. Pero however, just told me. He sat me down an hour before he told the rest of the team.

Another knock on the door makes us look up. I raise an eyebrow. Who else would come to my room at almost eight? “I´ll go.”, Daniel says before I can stand up. He lets go off my hand but not without squeezing it again. “Moving to Norway is a big step. Have you talked with Robbi about it?” My brother changes the language to Slovene and I sigh. He always does this when Daniel leaves the room and when the Norwegian comes back, he thinks he is a burden because we need to speak in English with him. “No. I haven’t talked with anyone about it apart from Daniel and now you. I would appreciate if this stayed in the room for now.”

Dad collects us and together we go to Nikas room. We sing a short happy birthday for her and then we get to the hotel restaurant. Dad speaks a short toast and then we all sip on our glasses of champagne. “I don’t think, we will jump tomorrow anyway.”, Nika says when Dad asks her if she really wants a glass. Peter, who sits across of me, and I exchange a look and I wink at him. We will definitely gift her wine now. Daniel sits next to me and under the table I put my hand on his knee. He still feels a bit out of place. I can tell by the way he scoops on his chair. My boyfriend always struggles with feeling out of place with my big family. But especially when Cene´s girlfriend and Mina aren’t there. ”The forecast is really bad. I don’t get why they didn’t do a competition today and cancel tomorrow already. Now we will have waiting games.”, I add and take a sip of champagne. Waiting games are always annoying. With ski flying they are also nerve-racking. Nobody wants to fly when the conditions are bad. Not even me. “You will at least get a substitution. I bet with you that if the competition really gets cancelled that we women don’t get a new date.” “I really hope they get a new race director for you guys. The one now is a disaster. It starts why the low gate and ends with the many cancelled competition.”

Cancelled competition is probably phrase of the day. It starts with a cancelled trial round for the girls and then the comp gets completely sacked. Nonetheless we need to get to the hill since the conditions might improve. I have over 200 world cups under my belt, and I know that we won’t jump today. The wind, the snow, everything is against it. But since money and a tournament depend on the competition today, they are not cancelling the race just now. They wait and hope. Even though everyone who knows this hill, sees that nobody will jump today. Not even a brave trial jumper.

My trainer is just finishing his little rundown of things we should do while we wait. A light warm-up, imitations and stretching is all we would do today. He is still optimistic that we would get at least one jump today. Probably to keep the moral up in this tiny cabin next to the hill. The wind is howling outside and is overpowering Rob a few times. “Just try to be ready. If they find a window for the jumps, it can be quite soon and without much warning.”, Rob ends his speech. Lovro and Timi jump up to get outside. They would probably play a few rounds of volleyball. I will join them in a few moments, but I have a thing to do before. Peter is shooting me a funny look when I stay behind. Normally I am the first one out. The small cabins they usually have at a hill, always feel too cramped for me.

I try to look busy with sorting my stuff until everyone except Robert and I left. When Peros closes the door behind him, I stand up from the bench. With a clearing of my throat, I get the attention of my coach. “Can I help you, Domen?”, he asks. I nod slowly. “Actually, you can. If you have five minutes or so for me today, I would really appreciate it.” Today is probably the last good day to have a conversation with my trainer during the season. Tomorrow will be busy since we will most likely get a substitute competition. Then there is the whole craziness of Planica. This year especially with Peter retiring and Nika getting her crystal globe. “Please not you too. I can’t lose all Prevc brothers in a span of two years.” Robert is sitting down on one of the benches and is shaking his head at me. It takes a few seconds till I understand what he means. “Oh gosh no. I am not retiring. You will have to keep up with me for at least another five to ten years. Probably more.” A loud sigh escapes his mouth. The relief is plastered on his face. My opening for this conversation wasn’t the best I assume. “That is good to know. What is it then?” “Daniel and I have been thinking of moving in together. It is time to take the next step. But since we are on different teams, we honestly don’t know how to handle it. Could I just move to Norway and do my day-to-day training there? Or could he do it with us? A fifty-fifty split?” My trainer points on the bench next to him and I sit down. Robert is eyeing me up a bit. “Honestly. I have been waiting for this conversation for two years now because I knew that eventually we would end up here.” A small chuckle comes from me. Of course. Rob is always two steps ahead. Equally in training or in personal matters. “Have you come up with a solution?” My trainer sits up a bit straighter. “If you want to make it work you can. Decide what you guys want to do. I will support you no matter what and we will make it work.” Talking to Robert and Peter makes this whole thing a bit more real. Like we are really doing it. “I´ll let you know if we decide on something.” Rob pats me on the shoulder and smiles at me. “I am really happy for you. That is a big step, and I am so glad that you are finally taking it.”

I am right. The competition on Saturday gets cancelled and now the schedule for Sunday is packed. First the girl’s competition, who sadly but not surprisingly didn’t get another comp, then we will have a go. In the afternoon the weird competition three round format takes places. Today the weather is at least nice. If we have to spend the whole day at the hill, I rather do it with sunshine than snow or rain. “It is so sad that I can’t be at your nationals. I would love to see you jump again.”, I complain while I jog through the forest with Daniel. The Norwegians apparently like torture and put their national championship between Vikersund and Planica. Whoever had the idea for this timeslot, must be unaware of the season plan because in my eyes is it just dumb. Even putting it after Planica would have been more reasonable. “I won’t perform anyways. This season is just not for me.” I roll my eyes while jumping over a small stick. “A bit more optimism, Danny. Otherwise, I will send you to our mental trainer.” At first, I hated mental training, but I have to admit it helped. Daniel tried it as well after Planica but stopped going. “Also, I like watching you jump even if you do it shit.” Daniel shrugs. “Next season will be better hopefully. I am more excited for Planica. The whole weekend will be so emotional. I bet you are gonna cry.” “I won’t cry. It is not like I won’t see Peter again. He is literally my brother.” My boyfriend raises an eyebrow. We are getting closer to the team cabins. The music of the DJ is getting louder, and a few fans are already audible. Soon we would have to behave distant again. Not like a couple, more like friends. If even that. That’s why I stop in the middle of the trail. Daniel comes to a halt a few meters after me.

“Is everything okay?”, he questions. I take a few steps until we are directly in front of each other. Carelessly I sling an arm around his torso and pull him closer. It is cold today. We are both wearing our thick winter jackets from our teams. Even with the two thick layers between us, it is lovely to hold him. Just the sunglasses on Daniels face feel a bit out of place with the beanie on his head. Daniel leans against me and I enjoy the feeling of his body weight against me. “You will cry like a baby, I bet. Rember how much you sobbed when you told me he was retiring.” My boyfriend is smirking at me, and I roll my eyes. “I made my peace with it.” “Did you? Is that the reason why you still change the subject when I want to talk about it?” Daniel is putting a hand on my cheek. His thump is gently stroking my jaw. I lean into the touch. His hand warms my cold face, and a nice heat is spreading through me. “I am currently trying the ignore approach if you must know. I´ll ignore it until the next season when he isn’t there and then I am dealing with it.” I can feel Danny´s eyes on me even with the sunglasses. He leans his head a bit to the right. “If you want to talk about it, you know I am here and I won´t leave your side next weekend if you want to.” The meaning of this words hits me after a few seconds have passed. I open my mouth and close it again. He is ready to go public. If I say yes now, we won’t hide it – us – anymore. I wrap my arms around his neck. “Not next week. Next week is about Nika and Peter. I don’t want to take attention away from them. But after Planica …” I look around. No cameras nearby. I lean forward and give him a short kiss. When we part Daniel takes my hand and squeezes it. An unspoken way of agreement. A bright smile is building on my face. Finally, we would do it.

The ringing of my phone is interrupting us. With a sigh I take the call. Of course it is my older brother. “What?” “I just wanted to let you know that Nika is jumping soon. You wanted to see her?” Is it already this late? Shit. Spending time with Daniel always flies by like nothing. “Alright I´ll be there in a minute. Where are you watching?” My brother gives me his position and then he hangs up. “Nika is jumping soon.”, I explain to my boyfriend. “Then let’s go.”

Dad, Peter, Daniel and I stand on the side of the hill. It is nice that Daniel decided to join us today and not disappear in his team’s cabin. “I should have gotten my glasses as well.”, I complain while holding my hand up to shield my eyes from the bright sun. The reflection of the sun on the white hill makes it almost impossible to look at it. My brother has his ski mask on, and I should have done the same thing. “You are such a baby.”, Daniel says but takes of his glasses and gives them to me. “Now you can’t watch.” “She is your sister.” I know that arguing with him won’t help so I take the glasses. “You know that these are mine now?” A bright grin is building on my lips. Daniel begins to laugh and nods. “I figured, kleptomaniac.”

My jump in the first competition was good. Pretty great even. Good length and with a beautiful telemark. Jumper after jumper is landing behind me and I keep standing in the leader’s box. With Danny´s sunglasses on. He is helping his team with getting the stuff around the mixed zone but here and there he smirks at me. I tap on the glasses whenever he is around. It is pleasant having him with me even if he is not really around. Lovro, who jumped a bit after me, is done changing and is standing next to me now. “Do you think it is enough for a podium?”, he questions. I raise my shoulders. “I hope so.” He pulls out is phone out the pocket and looks at the ticker. Like he always does. I swear he is glued to this thing. “The wind is getting a bit better.” I just nod and look up the hill. “Thank you again for letting me have the single room this weekend. I´ll make it up.” Lovro shakes his head. “All good. I haven’t seen you this relaxed in ages that’s worth sharing a room with your brother this weekend.” I pat him on the shoulder. “I will give you an alibi if you ever want to smuggle someone in.”

After my brother lands behind me in the standing, I know I made it on the podium. Peters is giving me a close hug in the outrun and he grins at me as if he is the one on the podium. The hug is closer then normally. He probably thinks that this could be the last time he ever sees me get on the podium. I shallow hard but don’t let the smile drop. As soon as I step out of the gate, Danny runs into my arms. It is an innocent hug that last a second longer than it should but right now neither of us cares. “I love you. You did so good.”, he whispers in my ears. “I love you more and I am so glad that you are here to celebrate with me.”

And when I step onto the podium, still with his glasses on, I feel happier to be on the podium than I ever did.

[skiijumpinng]

Cene Prevc on ending his career

a translation of this article on Siol.net

You didn't jump in any Grand Prix or Continental Cup competitions this summer. Any particular reason?

In the spring I realised that my other goals were more challenging than ski jumping and that I would sleep better if I did something in other areas. That's why I hardly trained anymore. A few times I jumped for fun. I am starting my studies in electrical engineering in October. I also want to finish the higher education programme for rural and landscape management at the Naklo Biotechnical Centre. As far as ski jumping is concerned, this means that I will not take part in the World Cup next season.

What about the Continental Cup competitions?

Not that either.

So you've finished your career then?

If it goes on like this, then yeah. The Slovenian Ski Federation is leaving the door open for me. If I am still of the same opinion as I am at the moment, then I will finish my career in Planica.

In the spring there were already rumours about this. How much of it was true?

I was persuaded not to end the story and to leave the door open. They've said I should think about it.

So what is the timeline for your decision? Are you still going to jump?

That's exactly it. Trainings are no longer my priority. I don't go to them anymore. At the moment, the only thing on my mind is to go from exam to exam. A few weeks ago I was asked what I was trying to get in shape for and I joked that it was for each exam.

Is there nothing tempting you to come back?

I would love to do some testing. I'm waiting for Peter Slatnar to make a new version of the shoes again after many years. I am waiting for him to finish them and test them. At worst, as a trialjumper on a ski flying hill. I simply cannot say goodbye to those.

What was the deciding factor, given that you had your best season behind you?

Exactly that – the fact that it was a great season.

Did the last season surprise you?

No, it didn't. Moreso personal challenges, what to achieve while growing in a particular sport. I was very close to making myself happy. What is more important in my mind now is to improve myself in other areas of my life. To finish two schools.

The season starts in November. When will you decide?

Realistically, it's more or less decided – I'm not going to jump. The federation suggested that I should think about it. Personally, it hasn't happened. I haven't changed my mind in six months.

But you jumped well at the national championships. You were fourth, just behind the podium.

I laughed to myself because I jumped well. But from jump to jump, it was obvious that I was making bigger and bigger mistakes. You need consistency.

If you look at your career, the last season must have given you the most satisfaction. What did ski jumping give you?

First of all work habits. There were a lot of difficult moments in between, so it's hard to be surprised by any moment in my future. Not only the moments from my life, but also from others I've heard.

What has been the most beautiful moment in your career?

The last jump in Planica, where I jumped 246 metres. And immediately afterwards, 243 metres in Vikersund.

What about the Olympic silver in the team event?

It's a very nice memory. But that Olympic medal is an indication of how much effort and torture it takes to get anywhere. That Olympic competition was not difficult at all compared to the internal qualification we had the day before.

[bronzebluemind]

New year’s ski jumping ask game

I got tagged by two lovely people @allesmulleroderwas @ilovenearlyeverything . Thank you so much! Now watch me struggle with these questions:

1. What is your dream team (4 ski jumpers from the WC) this season?

Ouhh, tough one already. Well, Andi Wellinger obviously. I can’t leave my fave out. Karl Geiger, because he’s one of my faves as well. Let’s add a different nation: Johann Andre Forfang, my favorite out of team Norway. So for the forth one, mhm. I am gonna go with Killian Peier. I always get a smile on my face, when I see him. He seems to have such nice charisma.

2. Which retired ski jumper do you miss the most?

That has to be Kenneth Gangnes. :)

3. What is the funniest thing that happened in ski jumping in 2021 in your opinion?

I am gonna do one for the 2021 part of last season and one for the 2021 part of this season.

So for last season: The first thing I remember is Karl jokingly biting the chocolate he got from one of the Planica comps. Oh and him tripping on the podium at the world championships in Oberstdorf.

And for this season I am gonna go with something not German related: Piotr and the outrun in Wisla.

4. Is there any ski jumper you started to like in 2021?

Well, I like a lot of them, some more some less. I don't think there’s one I don’t like. But started? I am choosing Fatih for this one. It was amazing to see him getting World Cup points and celebrating.

5. Who do you think will win the overall WC?

Well, if nothing drastically changes, it’s gonna be Ryoyu and that would be more than deserved.

6. Do you watch ladies too? If so, who is your favourite female ski jumper?

No, I do not watch women’s ski jumping regularly. I follow it occasionally. So I mainly know some of the bigger names. Time is of course one of the reasons, because I would probably be fully invested, and the not so great broadcasting situation. Get your stuff together, broadcasters!

Anyways, I am always in awe when I see Sara Takanashi. Katharina Althaus and Nika Kriznar always put a smile on my face as well. Just in general, I love their spirit and sportsmanship.

7. What is favorite 2021 podium?

First, I have to remember them and second, I have to choose one. That’s hard. I am gonna just choose one from the 2021 part of this season for shortness reasons (and hopefully an easier decision).

I really liked the second Engelbert one: Ryoyu, Karl, Marius. That just seemed to be right, especially in terms of 4hills. OH, Anze’s first World Cup win was amazing too and I really liked that podium as well!

8. What is your favorite ski jumping friendship?

Another hard one. I am a sucker for Lellinger and Geigenbichler as you know. I can’t just choose one, that’s impossible. Also Freundtag is gold as well.

You're just getting more and more: Over team borders it’s Andi Wellinger and Daniel Tande and Andi Wellinger and Kamil Stoch.

9. What are you looking forward to in ski jumping in 2022?

Three different ski flying world cups back to back: Vikersund, Oberstdorf, Planica. I would love to go to Oberstdorf, but I fear that makes no sense in terms of covid. :(

And following that some new personal bests and maybe a new world record or a 250m jump. :)

10. What made you really happy in 2021? (doesn’t have to be connected to ski jumping, just wanted to make you think of something nice that happened in the chaotic and for many people difficult year <3)

You all for once. Ski jumping wouldn’t be as fun without you.

And not ski jumping related: That would probably be how we spend my birthday at the beginning of the year. We packed some cake and tea, drove up a bit higher where there was snow and went on a walk in the snow with our dogs while eating cake and drinking tea. Afterwards, I think, we played cards and snacked.

adding another one: Eurovision returning. I missed it a lot.

I truly had a blast with you all in the last year and cheers to this one and a lot of ski jumping and live blogging! Happy New Year everyone!

I tag: @firefly-of-frenstat @flying-ski-adlers @only-here-for-ski-jumping @the-dying-fan

[k-raftboeck]

💙 BEST DAY EVER 💙

okay okay i'm finally charging my phone and i think i've calmed down a bit basically, I MET GREGOR SCHLIERENZAUER TODAY and I swear to god that man must be one of THE most beautiful humans to ever walk this earth, when he walked out of the restaurant my jaw dropped to the floor, my heart first stopped and then started beating SO FUCKING FAST, it was racing so bad and i was just shaking A LOT he is so pretty tho, it's legit like a golden glow was surrounding him; he's also SO SO SO SWEET, like legit a sunshine and you know how they always say "don't meet your faves, you'll be disappointed"? That doesn't apply to him AT ALL, he is everything i thought he would be and more and, even tho i thought that wouldn't even be possible, i love him now even more than i did before as to "how" i met him, obviously i saw his instagram story and there is only one restaurant with THAT view so i immediately knew WHERE he was, but 17 minutes had already passed since he posted the pics so i was so scared i'll just miss him bc it takes me 20-25 minutes to get there, my dad luckily said he'd drive me tho bc with the subway at rush hour i just would not have made it in time So i was standing before the building for like not even 5 minutes and i thought he might've already left but then i saw two men walking out, one with a really fancy dslr camera lmao and the other one just LOOKED like he might have smth to do with schlieri so they caught my eye right away and not even two seconds after HE WALKS OUT AND I IMMEDIATELY JUST STARTED SHAKING SO BAD I'm a REALLY shy and anxious person so it took EVERYTHING in me to go up and say hi but i did and i am so fucking happy, the conversation wasn't that long and honestly it's such a blurr, i was like on more adrenaline than i ever thought was possible, that's probably how our babies feel when they fly in vikersund or planica LMAO The guy with the dslr was taking some pics while we were talking but like idk what they're for so i'll probably never see them anyway hahaha I'll post the selfie in a bit, i just have to find a filter bc i honestly look like SUCH A MESS, i didn't expect to meet him today, like i was so sure there was no way, BUT I DID anyway, yes, i fucking met my idol, my boy, my everything, I COULD NOT BE HAPPIER THANK YOU GREGSY, THANK YOU SO MUCH💙

[imaginethatsj]

Michael Hayboeck imagine - “Why don’t we go somewhere?”

It was a Friday night and you were so happy the weekend has started. You came home a bit exhausted as the result of studying through whole week so you would be free on the weekend. Your friends and you already made plans to go out tonight since you didn’t see each other for a long time.

“Mum, can I have a car tonight? I’m going out with girls and am going to need a car. May I?” You asked her with your sweet tone, and smiley face she can’t resist most of the time. She smiled back and you assumed the car is yours. “Honey, talk with your brother, he asked for the car already so you two talk this out.” How does he always do this? He always gets the car.

“Mathew!!” You screamed out to your brother. “What’s up sis?” He screamed back from what you assumed was his room. You ran up the stairs and to his room. “You’re going out tonight?” – “Yes I am. Why?” – “Me too. And I need the car. Mathew please let me have a car this time pleaseee.” You made a puppy face which you haven’t mastered yet. He argued back that he is older and that he needs the car but he gave in. You got the car but under one condition. You drive him there and pick him up. In the end he realized you were doing him a favour since he can get drunk. You went to get ready and just before you grabbed the keys asked your brother where he is going.  “Michi is back from Planica so we will probably end up at some random club. You’re taking me to his house. I have something for him.” You froze a bit when he mentioned his dear friend Michael. He was cute. Maybe cute doesn’t cover it, super cute and flirty, at least when it comes to you. But since he is your brothers friend you turned down every drink that he invited you to. “Oh right, yeah, the season is over now. Well, shall we?” You motioned towards the door quietly asking him is he is ready to go. “Let’s go! Good night everyone!” He said and your goodbye followed right after. “Y/N drive safely and take care!” Your mum shouted after you. During the ride you asked him for directions even though you knew the way even though you’ve been there once.

You got to his house and Mathew was out of the car soon. You drove to your best friend’s house to pick her up at meet with everyone else in a restaurant where you went for dinner. “So, where are we going today girls?” You asked them since they knew better where the good clubs are. “I was thinking about the one around the corner. People there are the most normal and not too many perverts and freaks. Anyone else?” Anna said and other girls agreed with her. The good thing was that it was close to the place you were at and didn’t need to drive there also.

After the dinner you went to hit the club where it was already crowded even though it wasn’t even midnight. The first thing you did was find the bar and order drinks. Since you were driving you didn’t drink any but soon you wished you could. On the other side of the bar you saw a glimpse of your brother and his gang. Your eyes quickly scanned people in their nearby looking for a certain blond head. You saw one but it wasn’t him. You didn’t know what would be better to see him and know where he is, or not knowing and he could be right behind your back. Girls ordered their alcohol and then you went to find a table. On your way to the table you bumped into a friend of your brother. You said hi but nothing more since it was pretty hard to talk with such a loud music in the background.

When you settled in and started to talk some of your friends scanned the room and already found some guys to their liking. Apparently they noticed us too and started getting closer and closer. “Hello ladies. Would you mind getting some drinks with us?” he asked with such a smile that you already knew what he was after. His eyes gave away everything. He looked at every one of us like he was deciding which one of you will leave this place with him. Brianna stood up accepting his offer. His friend asked Anna to the dance floor and that was an offer she couldn’t reject. There was only three of you left behind the table. The three of you left started to talk about everything and after a while headed to the dancefloor yourselves. After three songs you felt hands on your waist which caused you to suddenly turn around.

“Wha-“ – “Hello sis. Quick question. Would it be okay with you if my friends would be interested in yours? Two of them exactly…” Mathew shouted in my ear. What? I mean I don’t mind but that would leave me with nobody. “Ask them” You gave in hoping that at least one of them wouldn’t accept it. But who were you to ruin their fun. “I need to find the bathroom if you would excuse me.” You said and left them. When you looked back at them you saw your brother talking to them and by the look on their faces you knew they said yes. Guess you will call it a night a bit earlier than planned.

While you were trying to find a way to the bathroom between the bodies someone grabbed your wrist and you panicked. You’ve had bad experiences when strange people were coming on to you and it got ugly. You pulled your hand but the grip didn’t loosen. You looked over your shoulder and the blood in your veins froze while your stomach twisted. You breathed out. “It’s you. You scared me. Hi.” You greeted him awkwardly while he was still having his fingers around your wrist. Without saying anything he started walking in the opposite direction as you did seconds ago. You stayed silent letting him lead you wherever he intended. You trusted him even though he never did anything to trust him so much. He was your brothers best bud and somehow you trusted him.

Soon after you saw the doors that lead outside and since you were only in a thin shirt and the minute you stepped outside you shivered. You brought your hands to your upper arms trying to keep yourself warm.  “Why did you bring me here Michael?” You asked him confused. He needed a few seconds before he realized how little you were dressed and wrapped you in his jacket that he had in his arms. “Thank you.” You said so quietly that he surely didn’t hear. “Michael, why are we here?” You asked already getting nervous and got weak in the knees. He had this effect on you and you didn’t know what to do. “You look beautiful Y/N.” He said admiringly while scanning your body and finally his eyes ended up on yours. That surely brought a blush on your cheeks. `What is he doing´ you though to yourself while wiggling your legs a bit trying to regain the feeling in them. He took advantage of that and span you around so you were leaned on the wall and he was in front of you.

“Y/N, what will I have to do to get a drink with you?” – “You don’t need to do anything.” You answered his question that seemed rhetorical now that you look back. “What then? You don’t like me enough?” He insisted. This isn’t going like you planned. The whole night is a mess. Including your thoughts. You quickly looked him in the eyes and suddenly couldn’t look away. “Michael, you’re one of my brother’s best friends. It would be awkward.” He nodded his head like he realized that only not. His eyes focused back on mine once again. “So that is the problem. Not that you are not into me?” He caught me. Note to myself: Think before saying anything next time! You opened your mouth a couple of times before noticing he was leaning in slowly. You placed your hand on his upper hand like you were wanting to push him away but he got closer and you didn’t have any control over your movement.

The next thing you felt was his soft lips against yours that were even softer than you imagined them to be. The kiss was gentle since you were both a bit careful but as if got more intense you remembered where you were. Pulling away you placed your hand on his chest. You were afraid to look him in the eyes after this. You wanted this to happen for a long time but it made things complicated.

But you had to look him in the eyes after this. Once you lifted your eyes to meet his, they were different than before. They got darker and weren’t that nice shade blue that they are known for. He was serious but once his lips broke into a wide smile you couldn’t help but to mirror his action. “I don’t think your friends will be looking for you tonight, so why don’t we go somewhere else?” Michael said which you didn’t know how to feel about. Happy that he wants to go somewhere or sad that they really won’t be looking for you?

[skijumpingf1]

A roller-coaster weekend (D.Prevc X D.Tande)

So last weekend after Domens win someone (sadly I don´t know who) pointed out that it is sad that Daniel wasn´t in Sapporo to witness Domen’s win. I kinda got inspired by that and started to write something. It was supposed to be a fun cute one shot about Domiel celebrating Domens win the long-distance way but apparently, I’m not good a writing fun stuff so it’s a tiny bit heavier than anticipated but well. The whole Alex situation is mentioned but I tried to keep it vague to not speculate too much. At first, I didn’t think I would post it, since it’s the first time I would share something that I wrote (It’s also the first time writing in English and the first time writing Domiel. So a lot of firsts). But I’m always happy when someone shares their work so here you go.

Wordcount: 4899

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Friday

“Why am I hearing about your revolution from gossip?”, is the first thing that leaves my mouth when my boyfriend finally picks up the phone. It was my third try of reaching him. To his defence it is currently 5.30 am in Norway. So honestly, he shouldn’t be answering the phone, but he does. It brings out a little smile on my face. “Good morning to you too, Domen.”, answers Daniel with his raspy morning voice. I miss hearing it in person. I miss waking up next to him and wake him up with a lazy kiss. Hopefully he will be in Oberstdorf next week. It has been too long since we saw each other. “It’s already afternoon here.” I could practically see his eye roll through the telephone.

The Slovenian cabin is empty here at the hill in Sapporo. My first teammates are on the way up the hill and everyone who jumps after me is still outside warming up. I probably should be out there too but the gossip on the hill was more important. At least today. So, I’m sitting on the slim bench and lean against the heater. Robert, my trainer, can’t be mad when he finds me here cause I’m doing a bit of stretching. At least a bit. But I really need to speak with Daniel about the things I heard. So, no good warm up for me today. This is more important. “I heard it from the Germans, Danny. So, what is going on with your team? Is it true?” Philipp Raimund and Andreas Wellinger were practically begging me to give them insides of the drama in team Norway. But I didn’t have an answer for them because my boyfriend forgot to tell me the big news. Or choose to not tell me. There is a sigh on the others side of the line. “To be honest, I don’t know what to think about it. I can’t even articulate what I’m felling right now.”, speaks Daniel after a short period of quiet. My hand glides through my hair. “It’s really true? You want to get rid of Alex?” “That’s sounds like we want to kill him. We just think our team would function better without him.” Something in his voice and the fact that he didn’t tell me about it, tells me there is more to this story.

Daniel and I, we are together since over four years. I know him. That’s why I keep asking. Sometimes he holds to himself. You would think that would be my part, but I tend to overshare. At least with him. “But you don’t agree?” There is a bit noise in the background. He is probably standing up to go around in circles in his little flat like always does. I can picture it in my head. Daniel running his hand through his beautiful blond hair, pacing around to get rid of the emotions that comes with phone calls like this. “You know I have experience with revolutions against trainers. Rember the ski flying world champions in Planica.” The Japanese sun is shining in the little cabin, and I am praying that the other guys will be out there a bit longer so that we can finish this conversation. I lean my head against the blank wall. “It’s not that I don’t agree. There are valid points why Alex isn’t the right trainer for us. But its complicated.” “He has been your trainer since when? Since you have been in world cup? Of course, it’s complicated.” Alex always seemed close with his jumpers. Daniel praised him so often. I don’t know what caused this fall out. Maybe just the bad results. Maybe something major that he can’t share with me. We are still on different teams, and it could be something regarding his teammates so I can understand why he isn’t telling me. I wish I could be there, or he could be here. Even through his voice I can hear that he needs a hug. Maybe I should call his mom up to go check on him. “He is such big part of my life. If he is really going to leave it feels like I´m losing a third parent.” “Oh Danny.”, was the only thing I could say. “Did you agree with Timi when he pulled that thing?” I exhale loudly. “Partly. But definitely not the way he did it. That was just cruel and bad for all of us. But its not really comparable. Alex has been in your life forever. Have you talked about it with the other guys? Or maybe with Anders or Kenneth?” Outside of the cabin I can start to hear voices. Probably my teammates who played volleyball. My gaze falls on my watch. I should get going soon or I will miss the first jump. “Not really. I agree with them for the most parts so what am I supposed to say?” “Your also part of the team. Your opinion matters as much as the opinion form the others. I´m sorry love, but I really have to get going. Maybe it would really help if you speak to Anders. He knows the team but can give you a bit of a neutral view.” In the middle of my sentence the door of the cabin opens, and my brother enters the room followed by Lovro and Timi. Peter is raising his eyebrow at me. An unspoken question why I am not ready. With my free hand I gesture towards the phone and hope the boys will stay quiet. “Good luck for quali, kjekken. I love you. “„I love you too.” The phone call ends, and I’m absolutely not satisfied with it. I hate that I can’t be there for him and hold him. I hate that there are currently what feels like million kilometres between us. “Yes Pero. I know that I’m late. I’m hurrying up now.”, I say before my older brother opens his mouth. Peter is still nervous when it comes to me being in World cup. As if I didn’t know the rules around here. Even though I have been a part of this circus since I was 16. While I change in my ski jumping suit the boys exchange a knowing look. “So, it’s true, what they tell about team Norway?” Timi was the brave one to ask the question they all had. “Apparently. But I don’t know much more than you do.” A last check through my bag than I went my way up the hill to do the thing I love most in the world.

Saturday

I press my lips together and look at the big screen. 122 meters. Not enough to really help me get a better position than somewhere around place 20. Sometimes this sport could be harsh. After yesterday and even the trial round I was quite hopeful for a good result, a great even if I dared to dream. Sadly, the wind had other ideas. So, I step out of the outrun with my big skies in my hands. The sun is already setting behind the mountains and it’s getting a bit dark. I don’t know if I should feel tired or not. After the US leg and now Japan my inner clock is not working at all. Always tired but not really tired enough to fully get a night full of sleep. My teammates greet me in the outrun, and someone takes my skier. “Tomorrow will be our day.”, says Timi and winks at me. “Let’s hope for good headwind.”, was my dry response. The worst thing now is that I have to wait around the exit gate because my brother was sixth after the first round. It’s not that I don’t want to be there for him but seeing everyone jump better than me still hurts after eight years in world cup. But if it didn’t bother me, I should probably retire. I slip out of my suit and change into my training clothes. As soon as I’m done, I grab my phone from my backpack. A message from Daniel was already waiting for me. Come on Domen, just because there is no headwind doesn’t mean you have to jump that shitty. A small smile builds itself on my face. Daniel always knows how to cheer me up. Well, I was kind off expecting it so … Jumper after jumper came down the hill until we reach the top 10. Lovro who is standing next to me is also on his phone. “Dude, the story in Norway is getting out of hand. Stöckel didn’t know anything about that shit. He was completely blindsided.” By the way he raises his eyebrow I know that he asked me a question with that statement. Sometimes I regretted telling people about our relationship. Especially when someone uses that connection to get information that are not supposed to be for them. Normally I´m glad we were no longer part of a big hide and seek game. Sneaking around is just fun at the beginning but at some point, it’s just annoying. The public still doesn’t know, and we are not planning on chancing that in the near future. But the other jumpers knew to an extent. We are not running around holding hands in the village, but we tend to stick together. So, the rumour spread, and we just went with flow. Our teammates were obviously a bit more informed. If not, we wouldn’t be able to spend as much time with each other as we did. But we try to keep it is much to ourselves as possible. “No comment?”, askes Zak. “No comment.” With that I step a few steps closer to the outrun. Peter is next jumper. I look up the hill and wait for the signal so that Pero can finally jump down that damn hill. “Gosh today your way grumpier then normal. It’s time for Daniel to return.” Timi is grinning towards me. “With that I agree.” The team for Oberstdorf wasn’t finalized but I doubt that Daniel would miss ski flying. Finally, Peters is letting loose and jumps. Right at the beginning I can see that that jump won’t do it and press my lips together ones more. “Well at least we can get going now.”

I more than thankful that Lovro, with who I’m rooming this weekend, left to play a round of cards with the other boys or maybe jumpers from a different nation. Honestly, I didn’t really paid attention to what he was telling me. As fast as I can, I fix my hair. Then I´m pressing the facetime button on my phone and Daniels face appears on my screen. “Hi.” I probably sound a bit breathless, but I don’t really care. Daniel still takes my breath away. Even after four years of being with him and close to a decade of knowing him. Even on my tiny screen. His blonde hair is a bit messy, the way I like it the most, and a bright smile was on his face. “Hi you. I missed seeing your face.” “I missed seeing yours more.”

I lay back on the bed and cuddle myself under the blanket. “Oh, that kind off face time call.”, smirks my boyfriend. A small giggle escapes my mouth. “I wish but I don’t know when Lovro is coming back.” Daniels face forms a grimace. “Then back to the good old talking. How was the comp? The jumps didn’t look too bad.” A deep sigh comes from me. I roll onto my side in the small hotel bed. This hotel room was more on the depressing side. Grey walls, no good art and the floor was carpet that definitely has seen its prime. “Normally a 19th place is alright, but I like the hill and I know that I can do better here so that’s why it’s a bit frustrating. But tomorrow …” “Tomorrow is headwind so I´m expecting more from you.” Daniel raises his eyebrows and looks me death in the eye. He can’t hold his composure for long and he burst out laughing. My favourite noise in the world. “I will try a podium just for you.” “You know that just wins turn me on.”, he winks at me. I nod sarcastically. “Then we should probably break up. I haven’t won in ages.” Daniels laugh increases and his hair falls in his face. What would I give to be able to push it back now. Seeing him so happy opens up my heart. “For me team wins count as well, so you are good.” I cuddle myself deeper in my bed and switch the hand that’s holding my phone to warm it a bit under the blanket.

Outside its pitch black dark and my eyes are slowly getting heavy. The small light next to me is doing barely enough to keep me in enough light for the facetime call. But we are not even at the point where I want this conversation going. That why keep my eyes open and push the sleep away. “How generous. Then I suppose we can stay together.” Daniel is sitting on his couch, the phone between his knees so he has the hands free to eat a bowl of cereal. He looks happy but I can see that something is bothering him. “Have you talked to someone about the Alex situation?” I am probably silly to shift the easy conversation to a heavy topic when we haven’t had time to properly speak to each other since last week. But he needs to talk and for reasons I still don’t fully understand I’m his favourite person to talk to. “I called Johann and said that we probably should have talked about it with Alex first before sending a letter to him and the federation. I mean we did it before, its not like he doesn’t know something is up, but we should have tried to tell him how serious we are. Alex wants to talk to us when the others are back from Japan. So, we will see how that goes but honestly the damage is done. Alex can´t take the things he did back, and we can’t unsent that letter.” Those situations are always a bit uncomfortable to say the least. I experienced it as well. The relationship between a trainer and an athlete is one of the closest you can experience. There needs to be a level of trust and understanding between them for it to work. Its strange when the dynamic changes. I can´t even imagine how hard when its with a trainer like Alex who has been through thick and thin with his athletes, especially Daniel. Alex was so supportive after Dannys fall and everything else that happened.

“I´m so sorry, Love. I know he means a lot to you. But just because he maybe won’t be your trainer anymore doesn’t mean he won’t be in your life. If you want to you can still be close to him.” Daniels is quiet for a few moments. Chewing on a bit of cereal and looking at the distance. Maybe I should ask Rob if I can fly to Norway instead of Slovenia. It wouldn’t be there first time that Daniel or I flew back home with the opposite team. After some long conversation Robert and I agreed that Daniel can train with us when he is with me, and Alex and Daniel have the same agreement. Honestly a fresh perspective helped me with my jumping once or twice which was a nice benefit. But as much as I want to it would not be right. My presence would be even more a hustle for Daniels Team and also, I want to enjoy training with a brother as long as I can. Daniels gaze focuses on the screen again. “I will think about it, when its final. Right now, I can’t do anything so why stress about it. Now its your turn. How are you doing?” I chuckle. That’s so typical Daniel. “I’m fine. Just a bit worried about you.” Daniel is shaking his head. He places his bowl on the couch table and takes his phone in his hands again. Now I can see his beautiful face even better. My gaze falls onto his full lips. Again I´m condemning the distance between us. “No. We talked enough about me. Now it´s your turn. Have you made peace with Peters retirement?” I groan. Not that topic again. Everyone wants to talk to me about the retirement from my eldest brother. Trainer, Teammates, other colleges, the press and Daniel. It´s being too much so I rather not talk about it anymore. I told Daniel right after Peter told me. I needed to talk about it then. It’s strange that I’m suddenly alone in world cup. Long time I wished for it to be honest. Peter is constantly watching over me but now that he is leaving it fells strange. Cenes departure from world cup was a hard hit and now that I´m going to be completely without them is just strange. Somehow, I always pictured my brothers in world cup with me forever. I probably need more than two weeks to shake that feeling off. “I promise I talk to you about when I need it. Right now, I am just annoyed with that topic. And you will talk to me about Alex when you need it. Deal?” “Okay we have a deal.”

Sunday

You are still leading! That message arrived when I made my way into the Slovenian cabin where nobody is. Timi is probably somewhere fuming after his disqualification so I’m glad that I don’t have to bother with that right now. I type: I know. Crazy but the best aren’t down yet. It’s the truth. The best three were still up there. But regardless it was a great jump and a great result after the first round. Secretly I am hoping that there will be a spontaneous storm so that we can cancel second round. I don’t know if I can deliver a second jump on that level anyways. I´m still to inconsistent. I put my back on the bench and quickly scan through it if I have everything. My telephone rings and I know who is on the other side before I even look at it. “You’re not inconstant on this hill with headwind. Stopp being a pessimist and start being a realist.” “I am realistic! But I told you I´m aiming for a podium for you so you bet I do everything I can.” I hear a loud cheer from Daniel, and I don’t know what it means. In the cabin there was no tv so I couldn’t watch the rest of the competition. Normally an assistant of Robert or Robert himself would be here soon to talk about adjustments. He would tell me where I finished so I can prepare and be in time. “Nobody should be that cheerful at three a.m.”, I say and sit on the bench. Peter should be here any minute. Before that I should end the call, or I can get a lecture about concentration. Especially today. “Its just that my boyfriend is first after the first round. That’s something I want to cheer about.” I open my mouth and close it again. “Really?” “Stefan is sixth, Ryoyu is fourth and Andi jumped pretty badly. Ah I´m so excited to see your top 10 video.” Oh my gosh. I am leading. When was the last time I lead after first round? “Well, that is a bit unexpected.” “Oh, come on. Your form is getting better and better, and you love the hill. Have a bit of confidence.”, is Daniel hyping me up. The door of the cabin opens, and a smiling Peter enters, followed by Robert. “I need to go, love you.” “I promise. You have got this. I believe in you.” With that the phone call is ending. Peter comes up to me and gives me a big hug. “You’re leading!” “I know, Pero. It’s just the first round.” He pats me on the back before he lets me go. My brother is still smiling like a maniac. The retirement made him so much more emotional. “That was a very good jump, Domen. Honestly no real adjustments are necessary.”, nods my trainer. I rather had a little mistake I could fix to concentrate on. “Can I do a few simulations? I have to much time left.” Peros raises his eyebrow. Even Rob looks a bit concerned. “Is everything alright?” “Yeah, but there still is a second jump. I won’t celebrate anything before I’m not down that hill twice.”

It’s strange to have that much time between the rounds. I am not really at the front of the field. I jumped twenty minutes earlier than the best. The FIS calculates that the best have enough time to get up the hill again even if they place badly. It’s a long wait. And one thing about me is that I hate waiting. The first time ever I am early on my way up the hill. Some other athletes are congratulating me which is just silly because I could still end up being last. Well 30th. Not dead ass last but still. My phone buzzes. Normally I wouldn’t check in the middle of comps, but I hoped that message was form Danny. I honestly need more of his reassurance. As a professional athlete I should be able to deal with this situation alone. I could but with him it was so much easier. As is everything else. I trust in you, kjekken. You got this! I know it’s hard but don’t think about it too much. It’s just another jump. I am instantly a bit calmer when I step into the small elevator that brings one up to the waiting room. It’s a beautiful day outside. Sunny and barely any wind. Better conditions don’t exist. I start typing when I hear a scream. “Can you hold that?” I look up from the screen and see a rushed Lovro, who was fifth after first round. With a reached arm I hold the door open so that my teammate can get in the lift with me. “Why are you so early? I thought we could go together.” I shrug. “I was done with everything and waiting up there is more relaxing than in the cabin.” Lovro looks me up and down. He gazes lays on the phone in my hand with which I´m tapping against my leg. My teammate is not the best when it comes to social interactions. Not that I am better. Lovro and I are on a similar level. I raise an eyebrow because I know he wants to say something but doesn’t know what. Until he figures it out, I reply to Daniel. I will try to win for you, babe. Apparently, it turns you on. “Don’t be too nervous. It is just another competition.”, is the comment my teammate came up with. “I´m working on it.” The elevator is finally at the top and we step into the waiting area. A bunch off other guys are there and it brings me a bit of comfort that I´m not practically alone up here.

I step outside directly behind Kristoffer, who is second after the first round. It was weird enough being in that room with him alone. Alone in there and I would probably get flashbacks form when I was 17. I take a deep breath and try to focus on the jump. The way down to the gate takes longer than I remembered. It takes ages for me to get to the gate. Daniel comes to my mind while I wait until it’s my turn. I still remember the number of times we stood up here together. It feels like an eternity away. So much has happened in between then and today. We fell in love, and he is now the most important person in my life. I trust him with my whole heart, and he believes that I can do it. So, I believe it too. I want to win this. For me. For him. Therefore, I sit on that gate with determination. And with that determination I’m letting loose and just jump. My first reaction after the landing was relive. I didn’t mess it up. It was as good as I could bring it today. If someone else is better than so be. I did everything right. That thought brings an even brighter smile to my face. It took me years to get to this point.

With a big smile on my face, I break as best as I could and stop next to my brother in the outrun of the hill. “I think its enough.”, he says. It was close with the green line, but my landing was pretty good. The better grades could decide between first and second today. I open my bindings and take my skis in my hand. FIS is making it exciting with the blue bar but when it moves fast, I know that I won. “Fuck yes!” I raise my skier in the sky and start to laugh. My teammates are all cheering for me. “Good job, Domci.” My brother pats me on the back, and I start to beam. I really just did that. I won again. After nearly five years I finally won again. And I hate to admit it, it was nice that my brother was still here to witness it.

As soon as I go through the exit gate a bunch of people are around me to congratulate but I just want to get to my phone. I quickly thank everyone and get to my bag as soon as possible. While I change, I simultaneously open my phone. There are already a dozen messages but just one is important. See I told you, you could do it. But honestly, I’m so proud of you. You absolutely deserve this. I don’t have time to reply properly. The first little podium ceremony is happening soon. That’s why I just sent a heart. Daniel will get it and the first thing I will do when I’m back in the hotel is call him.

 Ryoyu, who ended up being second, comes up to me. “How does it feel to be back on top?” “I haven’t even realized it.” It takes it time to fully understand situations like this. In 2019 I understood the meaning of my victory after a few days. Obviously, it was different when I was 17 because everything is so much easier when your 17 and not thinking much. My colleague laughs. “Enjoy it. But don’t wait another five years for your next win.” “Next week is ski flying. A week sounds better.” I grin at him. Then our names are called, and we get into the inrun.

 I forgot how long it takes when you win. Waiting for the podium, dozens of interviews, people that want to congratulate you. It all takes so much longer than I remember. Or maybe I´m just more eager to get back to the hotel to make a phone call. On the way to the hotel, I try to answer a few messages. Nika is the first person I reply to. We joked a bit around that I´m now chasing her seven wins. Then there is Cene who is apparently a bit sad that he couldn’t be here to see me win. His fault. He wanted to end his career early.

Finally, we pulled up to the hotel. We won’t stay long here though. The flight back home is departing in five hours. I look at Lovro who is sitting in front of me. “Hey man. How far are you with packing?” He turns around and smirks. “No worries. I´ll give you a bit of privacy but not more than half an hour.” I nod and mutter a thanks before I hope out of the van. I gather my things and practically sprint into the hotel. The people in the lobby give my funny looks but I don’t care. As soon as I´m in my room I call my boyfriend who picks up instantly. As if he has been waiting for my call. “You did it! You fucking did it!”, Daniel cheers and I chuckle. I run my hand through my hair and shake my head. With a few steps I´m sitting on my bed. “Said I would win for you.” It was a cocky response but after today I was definitely allowed to be a bit cocky. “I never doubted you.” My smile widens. “You helped me win it. Before the jump I held myself together because I knew that you believe in me.” “Domen that was all you. You jumped that good. I just gave moral support.” I roll my eyes because that is a typical Daniel response. It would be so much better if he was here. Since I have been down the hill, all I wanted to do is get a hug from him. I would give everything to share this moment with him. “We will definitely celebrate this when we see each other again.”, says Daniel as if he read my thoughts. “I can’t wait for it.”

[skiijumpinng]

PLANICA- SUNDAY, 24. 3. 2019- RECAP

so, since i’ve been in Planica today and i do this every year, i decided to do a recap of all the moments that are not shown on tv but are too good to be kept to myself

coming there is like getting into another world and i get impressed by the atmosphere every year

i woke up at 3 am so i could be there in time and it was totally wort it

it was so freaking cold and my legs were about to freeze off but when the sun came out everyone was in short sleeves

i was there around 7 am and so many of the jumpers were walking around and taking pics of the hill (Antti just appeared out of nowhere and i freaked out)

Cene Prevc and Andraž Pograjc were so good as pre jumpers!!!

also Ernest Prišlič was hanging around all the time

Lanišek’s kid is so freaking cute and they played peekaboo and he gave him lots of kisses and it was too much to handle

Žiga Jelar is so good with kids?? he literally stopped at everyone and joked with them

Žiga, Tilen and Bor Pavlovčič kept walking around all the time

i also saw Pero’s kid and he was wearing a little beanie with his logo (how freaking cute!!!)

i was looking around for Stephan and i didn’t see him, but he came around in the middle of the trial round and went to the outrun and i swear the world stopped (some guy was literally leading him and holding his back and he also looked kinda sad- or maybe i’m just used to seeing him smile all the time)

i was standing on the stand on the right side of the hill and i realised i was probably in the background of the german tv oops

i saw Martin Hamann from the toilet window

also i get reminded about this every year but they are all so pretty??!!

the trial round was so good but then the first round started and the crowd cheered so much

SO. MANY. FLAGS.

if we got mad Johann last year, there was a very very mad Markus after the first round this year

Piotr Zyla is the slowest walking human i ever saw, i’m surprised he even came back on top on time

i saw a Pedersen&Fannemel hug and Robin had to squat down to hug him and they were talking and laughing and it was very very cute

also Granerud and Killian were talking about their jumps and showing it with their hands which i found very amusing

Andi radiates positive energy wherever he is

also Marius and Robin literally appeared in front of me and looked straight in my direction and i froze damn

i got so many cards this year and i’m actually kinda proud of myself for going out there and not being so anxious as last years

seeing them close up might not have been good for me tho

a little kid was standing next to me at the fence and he literally knew everyone and was very sad when he didn’t get Pero’s card, so i gave him mine because i had two (i felt like i had to, he was so freaking cute just calling everyone by their names)

i wanted to high five Walter but he literally grabbed my hand and we did a proper handshake (I’M STILL SCREAMING INSIDE)

i congratulated Krafti and he thanked me back and that’s all i ever really wanted

Michi is so sweet

RYOYU JUMPED 252 METERS AND I HAVE NEVER SEEN A CROWD CHEER SO MUCH IT WAS WILD

Zografski set a new Bulgarian record and he couldn’t stop smiling

also i love how everyone cheered for everyone so so much

Cene fell as a pre jumper before the second round and everyone went quiet but then he just backflipped out of it and laughed what a legend

i ALMOST got a pic with Marius and Robin

norwegian fans bringing in the beer in the drums is the peak of intelligence

i saw a rare Domči smile that actually reached his ears what a day

Lellinger is indeed always together, sorry i don’t make the rules

also Andi highfived Stephan and then hung his arms around him i cry

Killian and Daniel Huber gave their bibs to the fans

I HIGHFIVED WERNER

the crowd went wild when Domen beat Markus and got the 2nd place

also Andi always had snowballs in his hands what a child

i shouldn’t be surprised by now, but the Polish fans sung the anthem so loud (they were also screaming ‘Kamil Stoch’ what a mood)

Naoki carrying Ryoyu’s globes tho

Domen was sitting in the snow and the whole team Slovenia started throwing snowballs at him i stan one team

also my face is one giant sunburn but it was worth it

the Japanese anthem on repeat because Ryoyu won everything is what i’m here for

it was so nice and warm and people are so nice and everything went as planned which i was most scared about

also literally everyone is in a certain hotel in Kranjska Gora and the the cars from all the teams are all parked together

also Ammann was walking around Kranjska Gora with his wife and i met him at least three times

it just feels like home i don’t know, there are so many known faces and it feels weird but so amazing seeing them live after a whole year

i had tears in my eyes several times because the atmosphere was everything

so yeah, this was way longer than i thought (probably still forgot something)  but i had so much fun and it just made me fall in love with Planica a little bit more

[imaginethatsj]

Daniel Andre Tande imagine - She is a planer

Draft: You and Daniel are very good friends who might become something more.

After the season ending in Planica almost every ski jumper wanted a getaway from the media and being asked about the same question about Peter Prevc and his dominance in season 2015/2016. Your very good Norwegian friend Daniel Andre Tande organised a gathering of his friends in Norway since he hasn’t seen them in a long time. So that’s why I was waiting in line in the airport to check in and fly to Norway. As always when I travel at the security check it beeped when I walked through because I forgot to remove your watch. Classic. “Miss, I am going to ask you to step aside please.” – “Okay.” He scanned me and it beeped where my watch was and then I was let go. From then on everything went smoothly. As Daniel and myself have decided he came to pick me up since it was only my third time in Norway. My suitcase arrived and my eyes were searching the room to find familiar blond head as I was slowly heading towards the exit. He appeared and it seems like he was running late as he was frantically searching the room for me. He brought a smile on my lips and I left him in that state for a few seconds until I spoke: “Looking for me?”. He turned his head and sighed in relief. “Sorry I’m being late but you know me, always late.” He laughed as he went for a hug which I kindly and happily returned. It’s been too long since we saw each other. Not so long as usual but I still wouldn’t reject a hug. We haven’t known each other for a really long time, maybe for a year. But in that time we really clicked and connected and I couldn’t ask for more. Of course since we were both single everybody assumed we were an item and just hiding behind this whole “we’re-just-friends” act. But they were wrong. Since his break up with his long-time girlfriend he was not looking for a partner instead, he focused more on his career. We actually met approximately two weeks before the split and he never mentioned any girl or going on a date. We headed towards his car and I realised that the weather here is so much colder than I thought it was going to be. “You cold? Still haven’t realised you have to wear twice the amount of clothes that you think you do here in Norway?” – “Don’t make fun of me. It’s not my fault you live almost in the North Pole.” He simply shrugged and moved his arm around me like he wanted to keep me worm. “How do you manage to not freeze when you wear freaking slippers?” – “I am used to this kind a weather. I’ve lived here my whole life; you get used to the cold.” We got to his car and I put my things in the car as fast as I could and jumped in my seat hoping the temperature inside the car would be warmer. And it was, since he was running late and it wasn’t too long ago since he arrived. During the drive we talked about everything that has happened in the meantime. We also sang quite a few songs since we both like to sing in the car.

When we arrived at his house some of his friends were already there hanging out in the backyard enjoying the sun that is very rare there. Until I brought my things up to where I was sleeping, unpacked and quickly refreshed myself the picnic in the backyard was already in the full swing. I went down to meet them and some of the people I already knew, some of them I saw for the first time.  “(Y/N) there you are, been waiting for you to finally come outside.” Daniel half shouted. “Well I didn’t really take so long but anyways here I am. Finally!” – “Let me get you something to drink, let me guess – virgin mojito as you like to call it.” He emphasized on the word virgin since he knows I don’t really drink alcohol. Even though he is only two years older than me he acts like I’m a child. He stupidly grinds as he hands me the drink. “Well thank you, kind sir.”- “You’re welcome my lady.” Right after that I couldn’t hold my laughter anymore. We exchanged some words but then he was dragged somewhere else and I looked around trying to decide what to do with myself. I started to become a bit tired and sleepy but didn’t want to go to bed yet. I went inside to get something to eat since the food bar was inside and there I found Daniel’s sister Ida. We chatted for what it seemed for 15 minutes but it really was hours and when I looked at the time I instantly got so tired that I decided to go to sleep. I went outside where I looked for Daniel and went to tell him that I’m going to sleep. When he looked at me I knew he drank a bit too much of alcohol but that didn’t bother me since I knew he worked really hard the past season and he knows his limits. “Daniel, I’m going to bed.” – “oh, so early?” – “Well, it is almost midnight and I’ve been up since 6 in the morning. Good night and don’t do something stupid eye!” I joked. “Good night and I’m always smart with my decisions. Sleep tight.” I said good night to everyone and realized they are much more smashed than Daniel is. Quickly I headed to my room, brushed my teeth and went to sleep.

For a day or two we just stayed at home and chilled and then we went to town. Daniel took me to a lot of places nearby. We went for a lunch with some of his friends and then for some drinks afterwards. Suddenly the topic became the dinner that Norwegian ski association is hosting for ski jumpers and alpine skiers. Almost everyone is bringing their plus one and Daniel as usual totally forgot about it and will get everything last minute. “Guys don’t worry; I still have more than a week till the dinner. Don’t panic.” Daniel tried to calm everyone since they were more ecstatic about the dinner than Daniel is. Which was nothing new since Daniel never really took so much thought into one dinner appearance. “And so what, I’m probably not going to be the only one without a date.” – “I still can’t believe you have been single for a year when all of the girls are crazy about you” one of his friends pointed it out and we all laughed since it was true. Everywhere Daniel goes girls almost melt looking at him.

Don’t think I never thought he doesn’t look hot because I did. It was quite a few times when we were hanging out and he just changed his shirt or pants and I didn’t know where to look. I am the king of girl that blushes very quickly and pretty noticeable. I remember the first time it happened. He wanted to go to the spa since he had a little break from training and he wanted to take me with him. “What? Now? N-No, I don’t have my... I don’t have my swimming suit with me so no. You can go and I can go shopping or something.” – “Oh don’t be ridiculous, we’ll go to the shop, you’ll pick something and then we’ll go. It’ll be fun, trust me (Y/N).” – “But Daniel, Danny...” I tried my nickname for him, I tried my puppy face – which always works. But this time it didn’t. So we were off to the mall, picked something out and then we headed to the spa. First let me tell you I hate it when someone buys me stuff. He insisted to buy me the swimsuit, and now he distracted me while he bought the tickets. And he knows how I hate it but he still does it. When he took off his clothes I took a double look and he caught me. Instantly I became red like a tomato. He grinned to me saying “like what you see?” to which my blush only became bigger, if that was even possible. I looked away and he started to laugh. “Not funny. I told you we shouldn’t go here. And now you’re making fun of me. Really nice of you.” – “You’re right, sorry.” He laughed again and then we just changed the topic and went to have some fun in the pool and in the jacuzzi. It happened quite a few times after that time but every time he made a smaller deal of it until we both became used to it.  

“(Y/N) when are you going back?”. This broke me out of my thoughts. “Excuse me?” “When are you going back?” Daniel asked me. We were now just chilling in his living room, watching some film while both having cats in our laps. “On the 10th. Why?” – “I was just thinking maybe I could bring you as my plus one to that dinner if you would still be here but the dinner is on the 12th.” – “Oh, you should have told me that before and I could book another flight.” – “You know me, always arranging everything last minute.” – “Yes, I know and I don’t like that about you.” – “You’ve told me that before yes. You like to be prepared and to plan everything out but then something comes up and it messes your plan and you go crazy. It doesn’t get like that with me, you know.” He laughed. He was right. I like to plan as much as I can. That’s just how I am. And he is the complete opposite of me. But we get along greatly I must say. We meet each other in the middle some would say.

Later in the day we were having dinner and his sister and then his mother had an excellent idea. “(Y/N), why don’t you cancel your flight and stay a few days more here and you can attend the big dinner.” I took a moment to think about it but Daniel spoke “Mum, she can’t just stay because of the dinner, she probably has important things back home.” – “Well there is nothing wrong with asking, or there is?” She looked at me and then moved her gaze to Daniel. “Well actually I could stay for a few days longer but I just have to inform my family. I don’t think it’s going to be a problem. That’s if you want me to Daniel.” I looked at him and the second he looked at me said: “Then you’re staying!” He smiled and so did I.  “Oh god, what will I wear?” I remembered as my planning side came out. “I don’t have any suitable shoes with me, or even a dress. Oh god. You have a tuxedo right?” Words just flooded right out of my mouth. I guess they could sense the slight panic that I was going through. His mom tried to calm me down “(Y/N), you don’t have to worry it will all work out, I promise you.” – “Mom, that’s just who she is, walking, living planner.” I looked at Daniel trying to be serious but just couldn’t hide my smile for very long. I went back to eating my dinner and Tande family started to talk in Norwegian about something I absolutely didn’t understand. Problems with having good friends abroad. But I didn’t mind it one bit.

(I have in mind how I want to develop this story and if it would be one part it would be simply too long. So let me tell you there is going to be part 2.)

Part two

[imaginethatsj]

Daniel Andre Tande imagine - I already am

Second part to the “I will be” imagine.

It was hard to watch him leave the apartment but I can imagine if was even harden for him. He was the one who was leaving. He was the one leaving behind our conversation that had million words unspoken and unexchanged.  Since I was visiting Celina I pushed him out of my thoughts as much as I could when we were hanging out.  The day of my departure came so quickly that I couldn’t believe. I was only visiting her for a couple of nights. We kept in touch as much as we could. Every weekend I watched competition after competition like I used to just with much more regret than I used to. After everything that happened he was still my favourite number one. I was so grateful to my family that they didn’t became protective and started saying for example; he didn’t deserve you, you will find someone better etc. They knew he was a great guy, excellent even. The only problem there was, teared us apart. We weren’t together for a really long time like Celina and Johann, but that didn’t mean we didn’t fit together. We made so many memories in the time that we had so even though I always said I will introduce my boyfriend to my family after quite some time, but with Daniel I brought him home after 4 months. I was scared but they accepted him with open arms, and a lot of nervousness since they were constantly seeing him on the television but then he was really seated behind their kitchen table.

The season went on and the finale of the world cup was not far away. Two weeks and the season will come to an end. I didn’t know if I was making a mistake or not by sending him a message if he wanted to meet when he was in Planica. The only competition in your country. I went to see the competition for a few years in a row and I didn’t want to stop this year. So I sent the message and just hoped he would say yes. I didn’t have any expectation from the possible meet up. What could I lose? Nothing, but I could gain a lot. I waited an hour by the phone, looking every five minutes if he answered but there wasn’t anything. So I went to do some work around my family house distraction myself, tidying up but still keeping my phone in the pocket of my jumper. It’s been hours since I sent the text but I was still left without a reply. Before going to sleep I checked one last time and then just went to sleep because I had to get up early in the morning.

It was 6:35 in the morning when the alarm went off. I quickly turned it off because it was too early for this annoying sound. Slowly getting out of bed since I didn’t want to fall back to sleep. I put on some warm sports clothes since I were going to the local highest hiking point with my mum and our neighbour. We decided to go pretty early so I woke up a bit earlier because I had to eat something as we all know how much breakfast is important (!). In the mean time I woke up our cat who has been sleeping on the couch and gave him something to eat. When I was walking to the peak I heard my phone go off meaning I got a message but didn’t want to take my phone out of my backpack and take my gloves off. Just too much work. I’ll check when we get to the top. It was a lovely morning, the sun was rising, sky was clear. Perfect start of the day. When we got to the peak we were greeted by such a cute dog so I just couldn’t resist petting him. We ordered some worm drinks and I reached for my phone. I checked what I got before and it was just a snapchat from my brother but while I had my phone in my hands I got THE message. My heart started beating faster and I suddenly became cold. I read it once, read it for the second time. I started shaking. What was happening to me? It’s just Daniel, calm down (Y/N). I tried to reply as cool as I could. He sent me a text saying “Yes, what suits you?”. Simple as that. I thought about it and came to the conclusion that it would be better after the competitions he would be more relaxed. During the day we set the date and time for our meeting. I could sense that we were both very careful with what our answers were since we both took quite some time to respond, which was logical.

Following days went by so fast that the weekend in Planica was only one day away. I was getting more nervous with every minute and somehow I just wanted it to be done. I was slowly getting my things together since I am leaving tonight to sleep over at my friend’s house since she lives very near Planica and with the kind of traffic that always is in the morning I went to her place. I was staying at her house for 4 nights so there were quite a few things I had to pack. Another hour went by and I was all ready for the drive that would take me at least 2 hours. I said my goodbyes to my family like I always do before going anywhere for at least a night. I set everything in my car, connected my phone to the car, set the right music and made myself comfortable. The traffic was very good, I sang during driving so I was relaxed and in a good mood as everyone behind the steering wheel should be. When I arrived at my friend’s house after emptying the car we had a nice chat about everything we missed out and did an enormous “update” on each other’s life. She knew about Daniel and that we are meeting since I am staying with her. She didn’t ask many questions which made me quite happy since I was already too nervous. The competitions were so good that they went by in a heartbeat. He showed very good jumps or I better say flights. Slovenian jumpers were also rewarding the crowd with some really impressive lengths alongside with some other athletes. Just perfect weekend. After the ceremony you could sense and also see how much more relaxed everyone was. Everyone could feel that through the whole weekend. The sun was also very generous so the feeling was so like it’s really spring already. But then the glorious monday came. I was so nervous that I couldn’t eat anything for my breakfast which I knew I was wrong but hey, it’s just one day. I headed to his hotel to pick him up and then we were going to the lake Jasna which is nearby. It took me about 15 minutes to arrive to the hotel and he was already waiting for me to which I looked at the time and I was a few minutes early. “Hello” he awkwardly greeted to which I smiled a bit and returned the awkward hello. The ride was awfully quiet and I was so relieved when I parked the car along the lake. While we were walking we met quite a few people but I hoped we could find a nice and private corner where we could talk without needing to worry if someone could hear us.

“There is a bench so we can talk there” I said and he agreed. I could tell he was pretty nervous. Unlike the night in Norway where his words just flooded out of his mouth. The moment we sat down my brain froze. I had practised a speech which has just disappeared. Great. I took a deep breath and just started to talk. “First off, thank you for meeting me.” – “You don’t need to thank me, I wanted to see you myself.” – “Look I am nervous until I have enough courage please just let me get everything out. I miss you. I missed you since the breakup. I needed you. I don’t think I ever needed you so much. When my grandad died, I just didn’t know what to do with myself. And when I used to get like that you were always there to distract me and make me smile to forget about the mess that is going in my life. But then you just weren’t there. I couldn’t just call you. And everyone was telling me to be strong because of my grandmother who was just lost, but I had no strength I knew of. “At this point I got tears in my eyes and for the first time in a long time I let them fall on my cheek. Wiping them off I continued since it’s now or never. “Till this day I don’t know how I managed to keep myself together until the funeral. But then somehow we all got used to the pain and loss but we all managed. Then I went to Norway to visit Celina and you suddenly turned up and I just can’t tell you how much you turned my whole getting-over system upside down. The night that you carried me to my room and just started talking I didn’t know that to say to you. I didn’t want to make myself even more vulnerable than I already was. I wanted to talk to you in the morning but you just left without looking at me or saying goodbye. And that really hit me. I realized I can manage to live without you, but I don’t want to. And I know we didn’t split for no reason but I am willing to try harder, to fight harder for what I want. And that is you. I want to be the one hugging you before you go, the one you miss when you’re away, the one you kiss when you come home and also the one you fight with over something stupid because that’s just so much better that having none of the above. Please, just give me another chance. You don’t have to tell me this exact second but please at least give it some thought.” While saying this last sentence I didn’t take my eyes off of his. Showing him how much I really want this, want us to work, to try one more time. With all this talking I almost forgot to breath. My voice was shaking and now that I managed to say everything I felt the burden being lifted from my shoulders. I took a deep breath to get some air and to calm myself down. I looked over at Daniel and he had put on his thinking face. Then suddenly started talking. “(Y/N) I can’t really describe how sad I am to hear what you’ve been going through because of your grandad. I wish I could have been there for you but I didn’t even know. Otherwise I would have called you the minute I found out. But I didn’t and we can’t change that. But there is something we can change. Like I said to you then, I miss you and I didn’t think it would be that hard but I got distracted by ski jumping and it made everything easier. When Johann and I were leaving for Wisla I knew if I would look up to you I just wouldn’t be able to leave without hugging and kissing you. But I wanted to make thing easier for me so I left. And I can’t tell you how much I regret doing that. When I got your message I just kept staring at my phone because I was afraid that if I looked away for a split second the message would disappear. But it didn’t. I took my time to answer because I was nervous anyway for the finale in Planica and then meeting you there I was a bit angry and afraid the feelings with get to me and I will ruin everything I worked for this whole season. I calmed myself down and then I just wasn’t so much anxious for Planica as I was for meeting you. I just wanted the weekend to be over as fast as it can so we can meet. I want to be there for you when you’re down and when you’re hyped. I want to kiss and hug you and only you when I go, when I come home, when we just lay in my bed. I want to be the one saying to you that I believe in you when you are doubting yourself over some university stuff. Let me just say I also want to try harder, fight harder and for what I want. And I have known what I want for a year now. And that’s you, I just had to remind myself.”

In the middle of his turn in talking he reached for my hand and squeezed nicely like he wanted to tell me in advance everything is going to be alright. After finishing he leaned closer to me and put his arms around me and pulled me closer to him which was all I needed to start crying and this time I didn’t hold back. I instantly put my arms around his torso and we were just hugging each other for a minute or two. I missed his hugs so much. He whispered to me “We will make it work, but for now I just want to hold you and not to think about the future.” – “I want that too.” I said to him half crying. “That’s nice to hear. Shhh don’t need to cry anymore, everything will work out. We will be okay. You will be okay.” I squeezed him one last time and said to him smiling to myself: “I already am.”