#this is what i mean though like. rn i feel fine. not on top of the world��� not like a god

[gibbearish]

btw similar to the whole "if you try adderall at a party and it calms you down, get an adhd test" thing, if at some point in your life you try microdosing shrooms with a friend and end up feeling like a functional person for the first time in your life, get tested for depression. like yeah hallucinogens come with elation so youre probably gonna have some "this is the best ive ever felt in my life" vibes regardless, but like. if that in and of itself feels like finally breathing in for the first time in years, thats for sure a sign that something is up with your ability to process serotonin most of the time. feeling better than ever before should be a nice bonus, not a crushing weight off your chest

[moonstruckme]

could i req any marauder finding r’s sh scars and being loving about them? going through hell rn. it’s okay if u cant, love u mae

Wishing you all the best sweetheart, hope you're doing what you can to support yourself and let others around you support you too <33

cw: past self harm

modern au

Remus Lupin x fem!reader ♡ 1k words

“Did his wife cheat on him?”

“Why would you think that?” 

“I mean, if not, why does the mother-in-law hate her so much?” 

Remus shrugs, a secret smile playing on the edge of his mouth. His knuckles run over the skin of your shoulder idly as he keeps his eyes on the laptop screen. “Suppose you’ll have to wait and see.” 

You huff a laugh. “What’s the point of watching with someone who’s already seen it if you won’t tell me anything?” 

“It’s only ever really fun for the person who’s already seen it. I get to watch you go through the agonies I did.” 

“The agonies.” You roll your eyes, leaning deeper into his side. You could be a bit more convincing about holding this against him, but Remus’ bed is almost as comfortable as Remus himself, and you’ve found it impossible to pretend at being any less smitten with him than you really are. He sees right through you every time. “If you’d mentioned the agonies in your pitch, I might not have agreed to this.” 

“You’ll like it,” he promises, leaning back on you in turn, your shoulder pushing into his arm. 

The two of you are having the laziest of afternoons. What had started as a coffee date had turned into a trip to the bookstore across the street and then a walk in a park, and when it had gotten too warm out for the both of you Remus had invited you over for lunch and somehow you’ve ended up here, sitting on his bed in a borrowed pair of sweatpants while you watch a film on his laptop and he touches you like you’re a fascination he’d like to spend years studying. 

It’s an indolent, distracted sort of touching. Almost like he’s mapping you out in his subconscious, so that someday he’ll know you by instinct and memory but he’s in no hurry to get there. Like he’s got time. It’s also hypnotic. As captivating as Remus’ film selection is, you’re having a difficult time keeping up with the plot when your eyelids are so, so heavy. 

His knuckles stroke over your neck, the bare skin of your collarbone, down the slope of your shoulder. You don’t realize your shirt has slipped off the top of your arm until he does.

You freeze, Remus doesn’t. His fingers continue to graze lightly over the neat rows of scars, slowing as though losing momentum. You close your eyes. 

Emotion rises like a gag reflex in your throat. Apprehension and shame and a guilt you don’t quite understand. Like you’re wrong for ever having had the audacity to hurt, like this is something you’re doing to him, somehow, even though it’s long over and was only ever a misguided attempt at making yourself feel better. It’s nonsensical, and you feel it anyway. 

Remus is quiet for a long while. 

His touch moves back up your shoulder, to unmarred skin and safer territory. He asks, “You okay?” 

You swallow. “You mean, like, presently?”

“Yeah.” There’s the faintest hint of teasing in Remus’ voice. He sweeps his thumb over the back of your neck, an attempt at soothing you. “Or in general, whatever suits you.” 

“Yeah, I’m okay.” 

“I’m sorry if I overstepped just now. I didn’t know.”

“No…no, you’re alright. I wasn’t…” You rub your lips together, taking in what you hope is a subtle breath through your nose. “You’re fine.” 

“Does it bother you to think about them?” he asks. You can feel him looking at you, now, but you keep your eyes on the screen. It’s the only way for you to have this conversation. 

“Not really. It was just something I did for a while, you know?” 

“Yeah,” he says softly. “Yeah, that makes sense.” 

You sit there for another quiet minute, you watching the movie and Remus watching you. The coil of apprehension in you starts to loosen. Your breaths come easier. 

“Sorry,” you say, not bothering to force lightness into your tone, “I didn’t mean to spring that on you. It’s not a secret, but it’s not something that tends to come up, like, casually.” 

“No, hey, you’re fine.” Remus sounds serious enough that you turn to look at him, and you find him with a hard notch between his brows, a surprised sort of frown on his lips. “If anyone sprung anything, it was me. You haven’t done anything wrong. I don’t imagine it’s an easy subject to broach.” 

“It’s not a big deal to me anymore.” You’re beginning to sound almost as if you’re pleading with him. 

“Alright.” 

“And it was a long time ago now.” 

“It’s okay, love.” 

“I just know people sometimes get freaked out, and I don’t want you to worry—” 

“Hey.” There’s a tenderness to Remus’ voice as he cuts you off. His honey-toned eyes are soft. “It’s okay. Can I hug you?” 

You nod mutely. The hand currently resting by your neck slips down to hug your ribs, and his other arm comes around your front, palming your bare upper arm. He rubs up and down comfortingly, seemingly mindless of the faint lines under his touch. 

Remus’ lips touch to your hair. When he pulls you tighter against him, it feels almost like you’re rocking. “You’re alright,” he murmurs, to you, to himself. “You’re alright.” 

“Sorry,” you whisper, self-conscious now of your nervous blithering and slightly stunned by the way he’s touching you. 

“For what, sweetheart? Don’t be sorry. If you want to talk about it—about anything—I will always want to hear it, but you don’t owe me any explanation, alright?” 

“Yeah.” Your lungs deflate a little, a relief you hadn’t known you needed. “Thanks.” 

“Don’t thank me, either.” Remus is teasing again, the press of his lips to your hair at once firm and fond. He lets you go but keeps his arm around your waist, dropping his head to rest on yours again. “You’re just fine, yeah?” 

“Yeah.” You snuggle into his side, somehow safer than before. “I’m good. I’ve been good.” 

His thumb sweeps over your side. “And you can tell me if you’re ever not. You’re perfect regardless.”  

[cranberryjuice-posts]

Hi!!!!!

I need some more protective Clarisse kind of angst in my life. Maybe something when it’s not an established relationship, but it’s obvious Clarisse wants R. But since Clarisse isn’t doing anything about it R just goes on oblivious. Until one of Clarisses brothers starts hitting on R doing the bonfire. Clarisse comes up angrily and stills R away but then reader is mad. Anger confession core pls. Feel free to make it your own. I love your writing!

- my flower -

Pairings - Clarisse La Rue x Fem! Reader

An - im struggling so fucking much writing fics rn 😭😭 my recent works haven’t really been the best and I’m sorry abt that I’m just having major writers block rn

Beauty was an important thing at camp. Being beautiful brought all sorts of things, from an extra s’more at the bonfire to having charmed guys around camp to do your bidding.

Charming guys wasn’t just the limit however: which is how clarisse found herself in your cabin watching you model different cut up camp shirts.

“What do You think of this one?” You asked wearing a shirt you had cut into a halter top. Posing yourself in-front of a mirror you hadn’t realized the daughter of ares over looking your curves and chest in the top.

“I think it looks just as fine as all the other shirts you showed me” she rolled her eyes leaning back on your bunk. You shot her a dirty look while mumbling something under your breath.

Taking the shirt off you tossed it in clarisses general direction. “You are the worst person to ask for clothing advice I swear” 

“First of all I know a lot about clothing”

“You wear camo military pants”

After a moment clarisse threw your shirt back at you causing you to laugh. Rummaging around through a pile of cut up shirts you eventually grabbed one that was off the shoulders.

Throwing it on and looking at it critically you just shrugged your shoulders. “This is Fine i guess”

“Thank god” Clarisse complained (much to your dismay) standing up, placing a hand around your waist she gestured her hand to the door. “Now can we please go to dinner”

You shook your head following her out. Breaking free from clarisse once you arrived to the dining hall, she kept her eyes on you.

Everyone knew she liked you, everyone also knew she wouldn’t do shit to ask you out but would beat down anyone else who tried to.

——

“Clarisse” silena tilted her head while rolling her fingers on the table beside the curly haired girl. Receiving a harsh stare the daughter of Aphrodite just smiled.

Sitting down beside clarisse , she took a moment to observe how the ares kids behaved. Half the table was arguing while the other half was debating up coming camp events and how to win them, though Henry a newer member to the cabin was over at your table. Sitting beside you and well to put it bluntly, flirting with you.

Silena looked back at clarisse. Having to resist laughing as she gave a hateful glare to her brother. “Who the hell does he think he is” she muttered under her breath. “I mean honestly how does he think he even stands a chance with her” sitting up straighter clarisse scoffed.

“Maybe he’s just trying to find a relationship here at camp” silena softly teased.

“He should already know that she’s off limits though”

“Is she though? You’re not dating her”

Silena had a point. You weren’t dating but still she didn’t want anyone else to be with you. As much as clarisse wanted to love you she couldn’t, take a look at her. She was known as the camp bully, arrogant and with the amount of pressure she received from her father clarisse knew she couldn’t contain her anger well and would ultimately lash out on.. clarisse didn’t want to think about that.

“I don’t need your smart ass mouth silena” pushing her plate forwards clarisse quickly mad her way out of the table.

——

It made her sick how causally you flirted with Henry. Crossing her arms she didn’t even bother paying attention to the bonfire, rather clarisse was more focused on you.

Your laugh, your hair, you. All things she knew Henry didn’t or couldn’t appreciate like her.

Once she saw him leading you away towards the woods most likely to make out. That was her final straw.

Making her way over to where you were clarisse grabbed Henry by his shoulder and shoved him back. “For fucks sake clarisse— what’s wrong with you”

“I could ask you the same question who do you think you are flirting with my girl”

“Your Girl? Pfft as if clarisse you wish she was yours”

Quickly stepping between the siblings you tried to deescalate the situation. Placing a hand on clarisses chest with the other on Henry’s arm you were starting to tell that the woman before you wasn’t going to back down anytime soon.

The two continued their argument, throwing petty insults at eachother. You let out an aggravated sigh before grabbing clarisses Hand dragging her away.

—

Quickly finding the ares cabin, you threw the door open before forcing clarisse in. Taking a moment to collect yourself you let out a deep breath.

Finally facing clarisse you held your hand up before she could speak. “What.. the fuck is wrong with you”

“Henry was being a creep”

“Not every guy I go off with is a perv!”

“Yeah but if their from my cabin they sure as hell are!”

The argument continued to grow louder and louder. Clarisse was determined to prove she was right and you the same.

“Why do You Care if I want to make out with someone? Every time I show Interest in someone you are always on my ass”

“Because nobody actually deserves someone like you!” She moved some your way. She tried to make her stance show that she was innocent, that she was right, and it pissed you off even more

“What is that even supposed to mean” scoffing you shook your head looking away. “And why in what situation did you think it was ok to call me your girl?! We’re not dating clarisse”

“But we could be!” She shouted back. The room went quiet.

You furrowed your eyebrows confused, now realizing how close both you and clarisse were it flustered you. “Clarisse do you like me” you mumbled.

She just nodded, huffing you wrapped your arms around her. Hugging her tight you spoke into her neck. “You’re the stupidest person at the camp I swear”

Pulling back and placing a hand over her mouth to keep her from responding; you tilted your head up softly kissing your hand. “I’m going back to my cabin. And tomorrow morning I expect you to be at the door ready to ask me out got it”

She nodded her head once again. “Good” you pulled your hand back but not before patting her cheek. Leaving the ares cabin clarisse walked to her bunk in shock, with how fast everything had moved it didn’t click in her mind that she now had a girlfriend.

———

Clarisse - so do You want to go out with me

YN - no

Clarisse - oh.. I Just thoug—

Yn - yes Dummy I want to go out with you 😭😭

[pintrestgrl]

hihihi i saw u we're asking for requests so i was wondering if u could do maybe a theo nott x reader but it's his gf and she's stressed about exams? i'm definitely not projecting rn idk what u mean

also could i be 🦇 anon if it hasn't been claimed? 💕💕 i've been stalking ur blog atm and i love ur writing :)

hiiiii 🦇 anon !! u seem sweet ily ! but yes i can do that !!

and thank you for love on my writing, it means the absolute world to me 🥹 ily

also if you want a different plot with this idea, but containing smut pls lmk !! i’d love to write it for u !!

please enjoy !!

bf!theodore nott with stressed!reader.

this was probably the most amount of stress you’d been under in a very, very long time.

o.w.l.s were coming up, and it was safe to say that you were nervous.

you had been going bed to late after studying, and waking up early to study some more.

you didn’t mean too, but it was more then likely that you had been avoiding your boyfriend theo, as well.

you had been yet again studying, books thrown all over your desk, when you heard a knock at your door.

you were confused, not remembering any reason why someone would be at your dorm right now.

you opened the door, seeing an expectant theodore at the door.

the second you saw him, it all came flooding back to you.

you had made plans with theodore a while ago for this day, but clearly it had slipped your mind.

the minute you saw his excited eyes, you felt your own flood with tears.

you walked into his arms, collapsing into his chest and likely wetting the fabric with your eyes.

he rubbed your back, his brows furrowing with confusion by the sight of you crying suddenly.

he spoke.

“hey, hey— what’s wrong, baby?”

you sniffled, pulling away and meeting his cold eyes with your own teary ones.

you spoke.

“i’m sorry. i forgot— about our plans, i mean. i was studying, and, and—”

he held your face, kissing the bridge of your nose sweetly. he’d noticed your extra studying, and how you hadn’t really been responding to his texts much.

he thought it was better not to say anything for now, though.

he spoke.

“i know. it’s fine, okay? don’t cry, bella.”

you nodded, feeling his large hands wipe away the salty tears that slipped out of your eyes.

he led you inside, his hand pressed against the small of your back as he clicked the door shut behind him.

he subtly turned off the lamp at your desk, allowing your mind to be freed from any thoughts of the upcoming exams.

he laid down with you, allowing you to rant about all your worries for the exams to him.

he listened, planting sweet kisses on your face every time you got a bit too worked up.

soon, you grew tired in his arms. shifting your position, laying on top of him as he mumbled in your ear.

“gotta quit studying so much. i miss you, bellissima.”

you nodded, humming sleepily in acknowledgment at his words.

he played with your hair for a few minutes, before hearing you whisper in his ear.

“i love you, theo.”

you said, planting a soft kiss right on top of his jaw.

he smiled softly, hand stroking your back softly.

he spoke.

“i love you too, mia secchiona.”

[carlottawllms]

Forbidden Taste

Mason Mount x Reader Fluff / Angst-ish / Smut

I was close to deleting all of this bc I’m not really happy with it. I had this great story in my head and the fact that it sounded so perfect was probably the biggest problem bc no matter what I tried, it never came out the way I wanted it to.

But since I haven’t posted in what feels like forever, I’ve decided to still post it for you. I've made peace with the fic rn and I really hope it’s not as bad as I think it is and you can still enjoy reading it.

As always, feedback is very much appreciated! Enjoy 🩷

“It’s so nice to have you with us, y/n.”, Debbie smiled when she pulled you into her side a little. “I feel like we haven’t seen each other in forever.”

“Yeah, it was a lot easier when he was still in London.”, you sighed, your heart hurting a little at the reminder of having to leave your best friend in only a little more than a day. “But I’m glad I could finally make it up here, watch him play and see you again.”

Literally everything had been easier before Mason’s move to Manchester. Life had been easier with your best friend around.

You’d met Mase quite early in life through your older brother Ben and it hadn’t taken long for the two of you to become what Ben liked to call besties. You and Mason had been attached at the hip ever since, never separated unless it was absolutely necessary. “Little-Mount and little-Chilwell causing chaos in the world.”, your mum had used to say with a smile on her face and although Ben had hated it sometimes, he was mainly incredibly happy there was someone else looking out for his little sister.

And then this summer, one of the worst things had happened: He’d left Chelsea and moved up North and as happy as you were for him to have found a club that appreciated and wanted him, you couldn’t help but feel absolutely heartbroken to be so far away from him.

Especially as now, juggling watching him play without abandoning Ben and the other way around had become an every week struggle. And you hated it.

“He knows it’s not easy and he’d never hold it against you.”, Lewis, who just passed you mentioned, making you nod. He was right and you knew it, but it didn’t make you feel less bad.

Mason was special to you. And you missed him. A lot.

You and Debbie kept talking for a while until Mason came over. He handed his mother the menu from that Italian he’d found a few days ago, before he turned to you. You having already raised your eyebrow made him chuckle.

 “I know you offered to cook, but as much as I would love it, I just want you to spend time with us and not in the kitchen.”, he smiled softly as he sneaked his arm over your shoulders, the tips of his fingers just about caressing your collarbone.  

“Fine.”, you grumbled jokingly. “But next time you’ll let me cook for you, Mister.”

Mason dropped a barely-there kiss to the top of your head before burying his nose in your hair. “I promise.”, he mumbled, unaware of his mother’s fond expression at the sight of her son and his best friend.

It was undeniable that there was something between the two of you. The bond had always been close but over the last year or so something else had developed. There was this tension surrounding you two whenever you were alone or at least close to each other and you both knew it.

You’d both become incredibly attracted to one another, basically longing for something more than a friendship, but because it was practically impossible as Ben would most likely have Mason’s head for seducing his little sister, you’d subconsciously settled on a friendship.

It didn’t mean that it was easy though. Both of you were quite big on touch, meaning that cuddling, forehead and cheek kisses as well as his hand on your thigh or the small of your back weren’t rare occurrences.

You sought out each other’s proximity whenever it was possible and lately, the moments in which only a phone or someone calling for either of you kept you from actually kissing occurred more and more frequently.

Maybe it was a good thing, to avoid the basically pre-programmed quarrel with Ben, but your heart longed for him a little more with every passing opportunity.

“I’ll ask Tony to order. y/n, what do you want?” Debbie interrupted your train of thoughts, attempting to hand you the menu, but Mason was quick in snatching it away.

“Oh, she’s not allowed to choose, mum. I’ve done that already.”, Mason grinned, causing his mother to frown, but when you simply smiled and nodded, she let it go. “The list is in the kitchen; you can put yours on there too and ask Lew if he’s finally picked something.”

Him ordering for you was only one of the many insiders you and Mason shared. You couldn’t even remember when it had happened for the first time, but at some point you had known each other well enough to be able to order for the other, so whenever Mason had found a new restaurant, he got to choose your first meal there, whilst with a place you’d found you got the first choice for him.

“We’ll eat outside since the weather is still nice, but knowing your freezing ass, you should probably go and grab yourself something warmer to wear.”, Mason grinned as he tapped the end of your nose.  

“About that”, you mumbled, feeling how your cheeks heated up. “I forgot to bring a hoodie.”

“You out of all people forgot a hoodie?”, Mason laughed in disbelief. “You live in those, y/n. Are you sick?”

Giggling, you ducked away when he tried to press his hand flat to your forehead to check your temperature. “Go away, Mount.”, you moaned in fake annoyance. “I overslept and it was a faff to even get my train. When I ran out of the flat, I accidentally left it on the sofa.”

Mason sighed before grabbing your arm and pulling you along and up the stairs. “You can have one of mine then. As an exception.”

An exception…as if you hadn’t worn his stuff hundreds of times already.

You knew he probably thought you’d forgotten it on purpose, but eventhough you loved wearing his clothes, you hadn’t lied. You truly had forgotten yours at home.

It didn’t take you long to make your choice, eyes already settled on your favourite the second you entered his walk-in-closet. You’d fallen in love with it when you’d helped Mason film his very first TikTok and had worn it for several occasions already.

“Do I even need to ask which one you want, or should I just grab the one I know you’ll go for?”

For a moment you were willing to take another one out of sheer pettiness, but the memory of how fluffy on the inside the one you loved was, was too tempting, so you simply pushed past him, bumping him with your hip in the process as you walked over and pulled the hoodie out.

“I’ve bought a new one by the way.”, he informed you whilst watching you struggle with pulling the fabric over your head. “I think you’ll really like it.”

“Stop talking and help me, Mount.”, you grumbled as for some reason you couldn’t figure out how to put it on. There was just too much fabric.

“Sorry, sorry.”, he laughed, before coming for your rescue. He turned the hoodie a little, helping you put your arms through and eventually pulled it over your head properly. “It just looked too funny.”

Your hair was all over the place as he looked at you, soft brown eyes locked on yours and only when his warm breath fanned your face did you realise just how close he was. All the tiny freckles, the moles and the crinkles by his eyes were right in front of you and the way his chocolate eyes stared back into yours had a shiver running down your spine.

With his fingers gently stroking down the sides of your neck, Mason leaned in and nuzzled his nose against yours and when his eyes dropped to your lips, your mind went blank. Slowly, you leaned in. Your heart was racing in your chest, threatening to burst your ribcage, but from where you’d placed your hands flat against his toned chest you could tell that his wasn’t doing much better.

When his lips just about brushed yours, you closed your eyes, ready to finally give in to what your heart had been begging for forever. Mason’s warm hand moved to the back of your neck, pulling you a little closer and-

“Mase? y/n? The food is here.”

At the sound of Debbie's voice, you both startled apart, taking a step or two back from each other with your gazes cast to the floor. Your heart sank in your chest as yet another moment had passed and when you raised your gaze you could see Mason scratching the back of his head awkwardly. His cheeks were flushed, and he couldn’t meet your eyes, looking everywhere but at you.

“We erm…we should go downstairs.”, you mumbled.

“Yeah, I guess we should.”, you agreed quietly, trying to hide the sadness as best as you could. What if this was the universe telling you that you and Mase weren’t meant to be?

Once back downstairs, being around his family helped to get rid of the awkward tension between the two of you and the moment you sat down on the dinner table on Mason’s terrace, you and he were back to normal, joking around like you always were and all thoughts of the almost-kiss buried where all the other similar moments were stored as well.

“Water?”, he asked, sending you a soft smile and when you nodded, he reached for your glass to pour some in.

“Thanks.”

For a while you just sat there and listened to what the others were talking about. After that moment upstairs, after his lips had brushed yours ever so softly, you couldn’t think straight anymore. You’d been given a tiny taste and now you wanted more.

You looked up when you felt Mason’s foot nudging yours, thinking he wanted something, but he simply smiled at you and locked his feet around your ankle.   

“y/n, by the way, how is university treating you?”, Lewis asked, pulling your attention away from his little brother. The way he was speaking with his mouth full of pasta earned him a warning look from his mother, but he was a master in ignoring that.

“Good.”, you nodded. “But I’m glad I’m nearly done. Just adding the finishing touches to my thesis and then I’m all done. Hopefully.”  

“Oh, I have no doubts about that, my dear.”, Debbie smiled, and Tony was quick to agree. “You’ll be the world’s best lawyer, y/n.”

You blushed a little, dropping your gaze to the table with a smile. Mason’s family had always been as supportive as your own, making you feel as if you belonged to them as much as you belonged into your own and words couldn’t describe just how special that felt.

“I mean there’s still a long road ahead, but I can’t wait to jump headfirst into work and actually do something other than just reading about it all.”

“I can imagine.”, Tony smiled. “If we ever need a bit of support without actually hiring a lawyer, we can count on you, right?”

“Contract law is not my specialisation.”, you laughed. “But I know the basics, so as long as you don’t heavily rely on me, you can always ask away.”

You all kept talking about everything and nothing for a while, simply enjoying being reunited with each other and once again you noticed how easy everything could be if it wasn’t for you being a Chilwell.

You would be able to be with Mason, the one person who meant so much to you and with whom everything seemed so easy. There would be no awkward talking stage, no first dates where you couldn't really be yourself. His family had long since accepted you as a part of them and even if you'd only overheard by accident, you knew Debbie saw you as the perfect daughter-in-law.

It could be easy. It could be perfect. It could be you and Mason.

“y/n?” You were startled out of your thoughts when Tony nudged you and repeated your name laughingly.

“What? Yeah sorry, I zoned out for a moment. What was the question?”

“I asked what time your train is.”

“Right. 4pm from the main station. Ben promised to pick me up in London.”

Ever since the moment upstairs, Mason had forgotten about Ben altogether. He’d simply enjoyed having you around, looking at you and watching you get along so well with his family. But the mention of his best friend’s name was like someone had emptied a bucket of ice right over his head.

He shouldn’t feel like this; he couldn’t. Dropping his gaze, Mason pulled his feet away from yours. The physical contact suddenly too much.

Your heart dropped at the loss of contact, eyes searching for his, but they remained stoically focussed on the table. You hated how much you liked him, how much you longed for him.

-

“If that isn’t my least favourite human in the world.”, Ben joked the moment you flopped onto the passenger seat in his car. It was his typical greeting for you and whilst normally you would roll your eyes at him, you couldn’t muster up more than a tired smile.

“Hi. You’re good?”

“Yeah, I’m good. I just- What’s wrong?” Ben turned the car off again, noticing straight away that something was wrong.

“Nothing, I’m just tired.”, you said. “You know how these long train rides are.”

Lying to your brother wasn’t one of the things you particularly enjoyed. In fact, you hated it because you knew he’d be disappointed knowing you felt like you couldn’t talk to him about certain things, but with this one you had you. There was no way you could tell him that you missed Mason already.

“You know I can read you like an open book, right? What’s wrong? Did something happen with Mase? I’ll chop his head off if he hurt you.”

A quiet chuckle left your lips. “You know him, Benji. He would never. I’m just tired.” You sent your brother a smile, hoping to convince him with it and although you were sure it didn’t work, Ben let it go.

“I ordered some pizza for us, but I can eat at mine if you want to be on your own for a bit. You know like, charge your social battery?”

He tried to hide it, but you could still make out the slightly sad tone in his voice and as much as you’d love to be alone for a bit after being constantly surrounded by people those last days, you’d never send your own brother away.

“Nonsense, Ben. We’ll eat at my place.”

During the 30-minute drive home, you kept checking your phone, but Mason still hadn’t replied to your text. You’d let him know you’d gotten into Ben’s car safely and whilst normally Mason was practically glued to his phone until the moment he received your text, now 20 minutes later, he still hadn’t replied.

You knew it wasn’t that big of a deal. Maybe he was just taking a nap, tidying up his flat or had simply forgotten to reply, but it did make you a little sad.

After Ben and you had finished the pizza and caught up with each other’s plans for the week, he’d bid his goodbye and left you getting ready for bed. After sitting in the train for nearly four hours, you were too tired to do your whole skincare and although your skin would probably hate you for it, you only removed your make-up and put some moisturiser on.

You’d just crawled under the covers and made yourself comfortable, ready to watch a bit of Netflix to fall asleep, when your phone lit up.

Subconsciously, a smile pulled at your lips as warmth spread through your whole body. Missing you already. Giggling, you rolled over, hiding your red cheeks in your pillow as giddiness filled your tummy.

You messaged him back to tell him that you missed him too before snuggling back into the sheets and closing your eyes to get some much needed shut-eye.

*

The next time you got to see Mason was weeks later on Ben’s birthday and you couldn’t be more relieved the moment he hugged you close to his body.

At United, things weren’t going exactly great for him. Deep down you knew he was fine and that going through a rough patch wasn’t the end of the world, but you hated it. You hated that he didn’t get to play much, that he didn’t get the chance to show his talent and shine in the team. And you hated that you couldn’t be there for him properly.

Obviously, you’d stayed in touch throughout the last couple of weeks. You’d talked a lot, facetimed and kept each other updated on what’s been going on.

Mason was fine, working hard and fighting for his place in the starting xi, but you couldn’t help and squeeze him a little tighter before letting go.

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” Mase flicked your nose jokingly the moment you’d stepped back from him and when he held his hand out, you realised. You’d forgotten your signature handshake.

Mason and you giggled through it, not being able to stay serious at the sequence of funny hand movements and when he eventually finished it with a bow and kiss to the back of your hand, you both laughed out loud.

“I’m still wondering what’s wrong with you two.”, Ben shook his head, but the smile on his face was visible for everyone.

“You’re just jealous mate.” Mason punched his best friend’s shoulder before pulling you into his side to get something to drink.

But it wasn’t long before you were separated. His friends and former teammates hadn’t seen him in forever and wanted to catch up with him and as much as you would’ve loved to spend the whole evening with Mason, you knew he was dying to talk to them in person.

You were giggling away with Sophie as you clinked your glasses together. Neither of you were even close to being drunk, but you’d had enough to be a bit buzzed and for everything to be that little bit funnier.

When Ben had introduced Sophie as your girlfriend to you about a year ago, you’d been a bit hesitant. He hadn't had much luck with his ex-girlfriends, instead he’d been through hell and back at times, so naturally you questioned her intentions, but it hadn’t taken her long to get you on her side.

She was good for him, supportive and incredibly understanding. She’d struggled with mental health too, so she knew what it meant and understood him in a way no one else did. She had his back and made him happy. She cared for him and that really was everything you needed to know.

Whilst the two of you stood there, gossiping a little about your brother’s friends, your gaze kept wandering to Mason. You knew it was wrong, but every time your eyes caught his over the distance, your stomach fluttered, and you couldn’t help but get addicted to the feeling that arose whenever your eyes locked and he smiled softly.

You blushed when it happened again, your gaze dropping to the ground. It felt like your little secret as by some miracle neither Sophie, nor Woody who was talking to Mason had caught onto it yet.

“I’ll erm head to the loo real quick.”

The feeling of Mason’s eyes on you as you made your way through the room had the butterflies going wild in your tummy. He probably thought you were heading towards him, but he just happened to stand right next to the hallway that led to the loo.

You grazed your hand against his as you passed him, your heart pathetically skipped a beat at the tiny contact, and you had to drop your head slightly to hide your blushed cheeks.

Once you’d finished in the bathroom – you’d taken a bit longer as you’d had to fix your hair a little – you returned to the living room, finding everyone gathered around Ben’s dinner table. Confused, you looked Sophie, but she actually found you first.

“There you are! We were looking for you.”, she grinned. “You’re teamed up with Mase.”

With furrowed brows you looked at her. “Teamed up for what?”

“Oh, apparently there’s several games planned, I don’t know drinking games or something, like quizzes and stuff and I teamed you up with Mase.”, Sophie winked, reminding you of that feeling you’d been having for a while now: She was playing cupid and tried to get you and Mason together.  

You weren’t entirely sure, but throughout the last couple of weeks if not months, she’d made small comments about how well you and him got along or about how last time Mason was over at Ben’s, he’d talked quite a lot about you and whilst it made you a little giddy that she apparently was very in favour of a potential relationship, you knew it was impossible. Ben wouldn’t have it at all.

“Drinking games? What are we, 14?”

“Don’t be a party pooper, it’ll be fun.”, Sophie laughed before pulling you along to where Mason was leaning against a wall. “Here you have your partner in crime.”

Mason laughed quietly, agreeing internally that you were indeed his partner in crime, before pulling you into his side a little. “I’m glad it’s you cause now I know that at least one in this team has the brains for what’s to come.”

“You’re pretty intelligent yourself, Mase. And I feel like your pretty face makes up for the lack of knowledge in some areas, if you ask me.”

The questions started off rather easy, but you knew it wouldn’t stay that way for too long. There was no fun in everyone getting all the answers right when there were body shots and other punishments for whenever a wrong answer was given.

“Mase, what’s the smallest mammal in the world?”, Ben asked, a proud grin on his face as there was no way his best friend would know the answer to this question.

Panicking, Mason turned his head to you in hopes you could give him a little hint, but you only shrugged as you didn’t know the answer either. Or rather you weren’t entirely sure you knew.

“No clue, mate.”, he laughed. “A squirrel maybe?”

“Wrooooong.”, Ben grinned, hitting the red buzzer he’d bought for today and everyone cheered excitedly for what was about to come. “Time for the punishment. Either you or y/n have to lay down here on the table and let the other take a bodyshot off your body.”

If his cheeks hadn’t been slightly red from the alcohol already, they definitely would’ve been flushed by now. Bodyshots hadn’t been on his agenda for the evening…and definitely not when they included you.

“I can go for it.”, you offered with a smile as you stepped closer to the table.

You knew Mason wasn’t one of those guys who liked to show off and get shirtless more often than not and with so many people – especially women – around, you were sure he’d feel uncomfortable.

“No, it’s fine, don’t worry. I’ll lay down, you take the shot. I’ve had enough for now.” He gently pushed past you, manoeuvring you towards the side of the table as he hoped the others would buy his excuse. He hadn’t even had that much to drink, but he desperately didn’t want you to be the one to lay down.

As much as he disliked the idea of getting shirtless randomly on a birthday party, the thought of you only in your bra for everyone on show was way worse. There was no way all the other men would get to see you half-naked.

You knew there was no point in arguing with him. Once Mase had made up his mind, there was no going back so instead you watched him taking off his shirt, revealing that toned body of his that, no matter how often you’d seen it already, still had the breath catching in the back of your throat. The way his muscles danced under his smooth skin made you want to reach out and touch him all over.

Especially that tiny mole you’d only recently noticed.

Mason hoisted himself on the table and it was only then that you snapped out of your thoughts and noticed the women in the room ogling him, causing your tummy to drop.

You had no right to be jealous, you knew that, but you couldn’t help it. He looked like he’d been crafted by the gods and whilst you knew it was impossible, you just really wanted him to be yours and only yours.

Once he was on his back, his hands by his side, he turned his head and looked for you. His big brown eyes locked on yours and to your surprise he looked a little hesitant. “Relax, it’s just me.”, you whispered before placing the slice of lime right between his lips.

Mason’s eyes squeezed shut adorably for a moment when the sour liquid touched his lips and when a soft giggle left your lips, you felt him squeezing your arm gently.

The little crowd around you whistled when you placed your hand on your thigh and leaned down, but all you could focus on was the way he felt the moment you licked a stripe through the valley of his abs. His muscles contracted where your tongue touched to wet his skin and when you got back up to sprinkle the salt over the wetness, it was way too soon to part.

The second the tequila dropped into his navel, Mason’s whole body shivered. Squeezing his thigh, you smiled at him softly. “You’re ready?”

You noticed how his eyes were a little darker when they locked back on yours, but he was quick in nodding. “Go ahead.”

Just like before, you leaned down and licked the salt from his skin, fingers digging into his thigh a little as you were slowly becoming addicted to what he felt like. Gently, your lips brushed his skin before you quickly sucked the tequila out of his navel and as you moved up the side of his body, ready to take the lime, your hand trailed up his stomach, causing goosebumps to erupt all over his skin.

With your back shielding you both, you dipped down. You stared into his dark eyes, filled with something you couldn’t quite place and when your teeth dug into the lime and your lips just about brushed his, your heart stumbled in your chest.

It had only been the tiniest of touches, but it had been enough to set your whole body on fire an from the way Mason looked, flushed cheeks, his lips still slightly parted and a clouded expression in his eyes, you could tell that he felt it too.  

You wanted to let go of the lime and lean back down to kiss him properly, but you knew you couldn’t. The whole situation had already been going on for far too long to be considered normal and you were conscious about your brother watching, so you came back up and sucked the juice from the lime in front of the others. You were convinced your face was as red as a tomato, but with the tequila in your system maybe the others would blame it on that.

As the party kept going, pretty much all you were busy with was staring at Mason. Ever since the moment your lips had touched his, the addiction you’d always felt towards him had increased tenfold and he seemed to look even better now.

You wondered if his white t-shirt had already hugged his body that perfectly when you’d arrived and whenever he wet his lips you couldn’t help but focus on his mouth.

“Earth to y/n?” Ben snipping his fingers right in front of you brought you back into reality.

“Sorry. What?”

“Are you okay?”, he looked at you with his perfected caring-big-brother look, head slightly tilted and eyebrows furrowed.

“Just tired.”, you smiled reassuringly. “I think I’ll actually leave now to get some shut eye.”

“But you’re not going on your own, y/n.”

You were tempted to roll your eyes, but you knew he only meant well. Being outside on your own really wasn’t the safest thing to do, but you only lived about 10 minutes away, so you didn’t see the harm in walking home or taking an Uber. “I’m a big girl, Ben.”

“No, y/n. I won’t have you leaving on your own. It’s too da-“

“I’ll make sure she gets home safely, okay? I’m leaving now, and I pass her apartment on the way to the hotel anyway.”, Mason explained as he suddenly appeared next to you, his fingers gently tickling the small of your back.

You weren’t entirely sure if it was a good idea for him to bring you home. This newfound deep attraction towards him was worrying you and with the alcohol in your system you weren’t sure you could hold yourself back. You could still feel his lips brushing yours, his skin beneath yours and the way his muscles had contracted because of the way you’d touched him.

He’d been so close; so within reach, but at the same time so far away and it made your head spin. You weren’t even sure if he felt the same for you or if it had only ever been in the spur of the moment.  

Once you’d both bid your goodbyes and left Ben’s house, silence settled over you. The atmosphere between the two of you was a little awkward – at least it felt like that for you. Mason was uncharacteristically quiet, and you didn’t really know what to say. The whole bodyshot situation had obviously created a strange tension and you hated the thought of having ruined a perfectly good friendship with a stupid drinking game.

What if he felt weird about you now? You’d practically taken advantage of the way he’d been lying there with no where to go. What if all the other situations before today had only ever seemed obvious to you? What if he’d always found it weird?

Little did you know though, that Mason was still thinking about where you’d touched his skin. The feeling of your tongue licking the salt off his tummy was etched into his brain, but the moment that had left a long-lasting impression was your lips brushing his for the tiniest moment. He’d wanted to kiss you forever and now that he’d had a tiny taste, he wanted more. He wanted you.

Mason felt stupid. Who the hell fell in love with their best friend’s little sister?

Thankfully, it wasn’t long until you were back to normal though, joking around and talking about everything and nothing and you couldn’t explain just how relieved you were. Mason was one of the most important people in your life and losing him sounded like your worst nightmare.  

Too soon for your liking, you reached your house. Mason, claiming he could use a little workout, took the stairs to the third floor with you and once you were in front of your door, you realised you weren’t ready to say goodbye yet.

“Do you want to come in?”

When your eyes locked on his you could see the whirlwind of emotions in them, so it didn’t come as a surprise when he shook his head no.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, y/n.”, he whispered, gaze dropping to his shoes.

You hated what today had caused. This hesitation to spend time together had never been there before and the thought of him going back to Manchester and distancing himself even more was terrifying you.

“Yeah, you’re probably right.”, you nodded as you tried to hide your sadness. “Night Mase.”

Quickly, you leaned in and kissed his cheek. It was something you always did when saying goodbye to him, but tonight it felt different. More intimate, more meaningful.

Mason stood there, rooted to the spot. The cogs in his head were turning like crazy, but after a split second, he reached out and grabbed your arm to hold you back. Turning around, you were about to ask what he wanted, but before you could even open your mouth, his lips were on yours.

Too surprised, you couldn’t even reciprocate the kiss and when Mason noticed, he was quick in pulling back, lips parted and eyes searching yours frantically. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have don’t that, y/n. I’m just-“

But you just shut him up by pressing your lips to his again. Your hand moved to the back of his neck, fingertips just about reaching into his soft hair, whilst the other found a home on his shoulder and once Mason had realised what was happening, he kissed you back deeply.

It was a desperate kiss. One that the both of you had been craving forever and with his lips moving against yours passionately, he walked you backwards into your flat until you were trapped in between his heavy body and the wall.

You sighed against his lips, as he deepened the kiss, his fingers sneaking beneath your shirt and digging softly into your flesh and when he gently buried his teeth into your bottom lip, a hoarse moan of his name tumbled from your lips.

Mason was quick in using the chance to invade your mouth and the moment he brushed his tongue against yours with langued, lazy strokes you lost all capacity to think straight. All you could focus on was the way he kissed you and touched you. He was an insanely good kisser, better than in your wildest dreams and whilst deep down you knew this was wrong and could ruin everything, it all felt so right.

“We shouldn’t do this.”, you breathed heavily against his lips the moment he pulled away to catch his breath, but contrary to your words, you pulled his shirt up and over his head, desperately to see his naked upper body from up close and once the shirt was out of the way, your fingers trailed all over his soft skin.

“I know.” His brown eyes were blown out, clouded and dark when they locked on yours, causing a shiver to run down your spine. “But it feels so fucking good to kiss you, y/n.”

“It does.”

“Jump.” His warm hands had now fully grabbed your hips and when you obeyed and jumped, legs wrapping around his waist, his hands moved to cup your bum and pull you flush against his body. You could feel his crotch pressing right against yours and when you felt how hard he was, you blushed deeply. “I’ve waited way too long for this to stop now.”

His lips were back on yours in an instant, moving against yours as he walked the two of you further into your flat until he sat down on the sofa, with you still in his lap and you didn’t waste a second to grind down.

“Jesus, y/n.”, he moaned into your mouth, hands tightening on your waist to stop you from moving for a second. “Are you sure about this? We’ve both had some alcohol and once we’ve done this, we can’t undo it.”

“I know.”, you smiled before leaning in and kissing him softly. The expression in his eyes was serious now and your heart warmed at the way he was so mindful. “But I want this, Mase. I promise, I want you. Just like you want me.”

When you dipped your hand in between your bodies and cupped his dick over the fabric of his pants, Mason’s eyes darkened. “Feels so good.”, he moaned quietly the more pressure you applied and once his eyes had fallen shut, you leaned in and let you lips travel along his jaw, leaving tiny kisses and nibbled all over his soft skin. You relished in the way he sighed and moaned quietly as you continued to palm him.

“Will you let me make you feel good, Masey?” The quiet whisper had him shuddering beneath you and with a deep sigh he nodded. It already felt like heaven on earth, and he couldn’t wait to feel you without the barrier of his trousers.

You dropped to your knees in between his parted legs, hands moving up and down his thick thighs until you eventually unbuckled his belt and opened the zipper. Mason helped you by lifting his hips and soon enough, his pants were off. Your mouth watered at the sight of the visible tent in his boxers and whilst you really couldn’t wait to have him in your mouth and hear more of his whimpers and moans, you wanted to spend a bit more time on teasing him.

With your eyes locked on his, your nails gently scratched the insides of his thighs, causing Mason to shiver. “Don’t tease, please.”

“But you look so good like this, Mase.”, you pouted, before placing your lips on his skin and making your way higher up. His thighs tensed under your touch, causing naughty thoughts to run through your mind, but right now it was about him, not you.  

“What do you want me to do, hm?” You gently bit the skin right where his boxers ended, pulling a small hiss from Mason. “What is it you want, Masey?”

“I…I want you to- Fuck!”, he groaned when you started to palm him over his boxers. With his head falling to the back of the sofa, he had to take a few deep breaths to calm down, but your fingers squeezing his length made it difficult to think. “I want you to…to…”

Mason had never been in the position where he had to voice what he so desperately wanted. Quite the opposite, as until today he’d always been the one being in control and asking that question and now that the roles were reserved, he suddenly got very shy.

With reddened cheeks, he dropped his eyes to his tummy, wishing he could be more confident, but you were hot, currently between his thighs and this whole thing started to make him incredibly nervous.

“Mase.”, you whispered, reaching out to grab his chin and tilt his head up. “We can stop whenever you want to.”

“No, I…I don’t want to stop. Sorry, I just got a bit overwhelmed.”, he confessed. Gently cupping your hand in his lap that had stopped palming him the moment you’d realised something was wrong, he moved it for you, encouraging you to keep going. “Please keep going.”

“Okay.”, you breathed as you applied a little more pressure on his restrained cock, eyes never leaving his and only when you saw the clouded expression coming back, did you lean down to press kisses all over his length.

Mason’s breath hitched in the back of his throat the moment your teeth grazed his fabric-covered dick, and you couldn’t hide your proud grin. He was moaning like this because of you, and you couldn’t wait to make him feel even better.

You hooked your fingers into the waistband of his boxers and once Mason got the hint, he lifted his hips again to allow you pulling the fabric down his legs, causing his hard dick to slap against his tummy. Palming him before had given you a good hint at what you were working with but now that he was fully exposed, you realised that he was bigger than you’d expected.

He felt hot and heavy in your hand as you grabbed him and when you gave him a few gentle pumps, Mason’s head dropped back onto the sofa with a deep sigh. His hips bucked up almost immediately as it had been a while ever since he’d been touched like this and when your thumb brushed through his slit to spread his pre-cum, he cursed loudly.

“Oh my god.” His heart was thundering in his chest, and he could already feel the tingling at the base of his spine. “Don’t tease, y/n. I…It feels so good already.”

Your cheeks heated up slightly at the way a very few of your touches had such an effect on him. He looked so insanely hot. His lips were slightly parted, his chest heaving and abs contracting from the way you were stroking him.

“Holy shit!” Mason’s eyes shot open the second he felt you sucking his tip. His stomach tightened at the warm feeling of your lips wrapped around his dick and he had to bite the inside of his cheek to avoid cumming on the spot. “Fuck, y/n. What the hell.”

“Sorry.”, you grinned as you’d pulled away, knowing fully well what you’d done with surprising him like that. “Just really want to suck your dick, you know?”

“I nearly came.”, he breathed as he threaded his fingers through your hair, subconsciously letting you know you were okay to continue. “A little warning would’ve been nice.”

“Well, where’s the fun in that, Masey?”, you smiled before kissing the tip of his dick and taking him back in your mouth. Bobbing up and down, you took as much of him as possible, whilst working the rest with your hand. You’d set a slow pace, knowing that the faster you went the sooner the fun would be over, and you really wanted this to last.

Who knew if you’d ever get another chance of having him like this.

The warmth surrounding his length combined with your tongue massaging the vein on the underside had Mason tightening his fingers in your hair. Breathy moans and whimpers were falling from his lips, spurring you on, but the longer you kept going, the more difficult it became for him to hold back from reaching his high and soon enough, he pulled you off his dick.

“You’re way too good at that.”, he panted with his hands framing your face. Gently, he brushed his thumbs over the soft skin right beneath your wild eyes. “Come back up here.”

Mason helped you back up on your feet and pulled you into his lap, hands immediately settling on your waist beneath your shirt, stoking up and down your sides as he leaned in to kiss you again. Softly this time, less rushed and hungry than before, but still passionate and as if he’d been waiting for this moment forever.

You sighed against his lips as you felt his big hands cupping your boobs, thumbs brushing over your perky nipples poking through the thin lacey material of your bra and it wasn’t long until Mason pulled your bra down enough for your boobs to spill over.

“Take your shirt off.”, he ordered quietly whilst his hands kneaded away on your boobs. “I want to see more of you, y/n.”

You obeyed quickly and pulled your shirt over your head and whilst you expected Mason’s gaze to drop, it never did. His hands spanned the ribs right beneath your chest, but his eyes stayed locked on yours.

“You’re so incredibly beautiful, y/n.”, he whispered and the honesty in the tone of his voice had you blushing. “You’re the most beautiful and incredible woman I’ve ever met.”

His hands stroked up and down your sides and all over your tummy, leaving goosebumps in their wake and causing small sighs to fall from your lips. It had been a while since someone had touched you like this, had taken their time to caress you in a non-sexual way.

The men you’d been with had only ever been interested in one thing and whilst tonight was going to end in the same way, Mason still took his time to worship you and your body, and it made you fall for him even more.

He held the entirety of your heart and from tonight on also the entirety of your body. He hadn’t done much so far, but you were sure once he had, he would’ve ruined sex for you as no one else would ever come close to this.

You gasped the moment his lips enclosed around your nipple. Your hands flew to the back of his head, fingers gently pulling on the soft strands of hair as his teeth grazed your sensitive skin. Mason skilfully unclasped your bra before flinging it across the room to get it out of the way, making you question for a moment how often he’d done that already, but when his lips sucked your nipple and his fingers ran up and down your spine, your thoughts were back on him and how good he made you feel.

It wasn’t long before he asked you to take off your pants and as you stood there right in front of him in only your lacey panties, he couldn’t help himself. Grabbing your waist, he pulled you back in between his tights, hands stroking up and down your tummy, fingers grazing your boobs until they eventually hooked into the waistband of your panties.

“You’re so so beautiful y/n. I want you to always remember that.”, he whispered with his lips pressing against the skin of your tummy. “You’re so perfect, so soft and I don’t deserve you at all, but I’m so glad I get to see you like this.”

His lips trailed up and down your body until they reached a spot Mason found perfect for the purple bruise, he’d wanted to leave on your body ever since you’d taken off your shirt. Pulling a gasp from your lips, he sucked a hickey into your soft skin, soothing the sting with his tongue and once he was done, he looked up at you with a proud smile grazing his lips.  

“These come off now.”, he mumbled, pulling your panties down your legs before making you straddle his lap again. You felt a bit insecure, being fully naked, with your legs on either side of his, now, but Mason was quick in picking up on that. “You’re so hot, I can’t believe I get to have you like this.”

“Mase.” His name fell from your lips in a hoarse moan the moment you felt his fingers running through your wet folds. Giving him head had turned you on more than you’d thought and with his fingers between your legs now, you were practically dripping for him.

“Fuck, you’re so wet, y/n.”, Mason groaned. “All for me? Hm?”

He didn’t give you the chance to answer though as his lips were on yours in an instant. The kiss was hot and heavy, tongue immediately invading your mouth and toying with yours, whilst his fingers worked away between your legs. With his middle finger, he continued to stroke through your folds, making the base of your spine tingle, but when his thumb started to draw precise circles on your clit, your body slumped forward slightly as a deep moan got lost in his mouth.

Mason listened intently to the sounds you made, carefully figuring out what you liked and what brought you closer to the edge and once he was fully satisfied with how ready you were, he pushed his finger in.

“Holy shit.”, you cursed, pulling away from his lips momentarily to catch your breath, but with his finger curling deep inside of you, it was more than difficult. He touched all the right places with precision, causing you to see stars for a second. “Mase that’s…fuck..that’s so good.”

“Yeah?”, he breathed proudly, attaching his lips back to your nipple whilst gazing up at your face that contorted in pleasure. His dick twitched at your breathy moans and whimpers and whilst at this point, he couldn’t wait to feel everything of you, he desperately wanted to feel you falling apart on his fingers first.

“You’re close baby? Hm?” When he dipped another finger into your wet heat, he pulled another deep moan from you and in an attempt to push you closer to the edge, he curled his fingers even further against that one spot and pressed his thumb into your clit.

“Gonna be my good girl and cum on my fingers?”

Mason didn’t miss the way your walls squeezed around his fingers that little bit more when he called you his good girl and he made a mental note.

“Yes, Mase.”, you whined. “Please keep going, Mase. I’m so close, I’m-fuck.” With a few more curses and his name continuously falling from your lips, you came around his fingers. White hot liquid shooting through your veins, caused your body to shudder before you eventually collapsed into his chest, head falling into the crook of his neck as you tried to catch your breath, whilst Mason rode you through your high.

Your heart was thundering in your chest, as he gradually slowed the movements of his fingers until he eventually pulled them out completely. You sighed into his neck, not noticing how he smiled at the taste of you as he licked his fingers clean and when Mason wrapped his arms around your body, one hand running up and down your spine in an attempt to calm you, you snuggled further into his chest.

It took you a while to come back to your senses, but when you pulled back and his eyes were on yours, his cheeks as flushed as yours, you leaned in and kissed him softly.

“That was incredible.”, you sighed against his lips and Mason nodded. “But we still have to sort this out, hm?”

Mason shuddered when your hand wrapped around his painfully hard dick. Watching you cum had made him even harder and he couldn’t wait to have you and watch you fall apart on his cock, but he knew that the previous orgasm had wrecked you and that you might need a moment.

“We don’t have to, y/n.”, he mumbled, groaning quietly when you began to stroke him gently. “At least not immediately. We can take a moment in case you need ti-“

“I want you, Mase. I promise I’m okay. I want you.”

“Let’s take it slow, though. Okay?”, he whispered against your lips, before pulling you in for another kiss. “I want this to last, y/n.”

“Okay.”, you smiled.

With one hand on his shoulder, you pushed yourself up onto your knees and lined his dick up with your entrance, but before you could sink down, Mason’s hands on your waist stopped you.

“Look at me please?”, he asked with bright red cheeks. He felt a little stupid for it, but as this might be the only time he got to have you like this, he desperately wanted you to look at him, whilst taking him for the first time.

And with your eyes locked on his, you sank down his length. The both of you moaned at the feeling of one another, his hands squeezing your hips, whilst your fingers dug into his broad shoulders as you took all of him carefully.

His size stretched you deliciously and the slight burning only added to the pleasure running through your veins. He was so big, you could feel him in your tummy once you were fully seated and you actually needed a moment to adjust.

“God, you’re so tight.”, Mason moaned as he dropped his forehead to your chest, trying to think of the unsexiest thing he knew to avoid ending it right then and there. “Squeezing me so tightly, baby. Feels so good.”

You could feel him pulsating inside of you and the way he was panting told you everything you needed to know. He felt as incredible as you.

Once you were both ready to continue, you rolled your hips against his. Gently and carefully at first, but it wasn’t long before you were bouncing up and down in his lap. His hands sat firmly on your hips, guiding your movements and making sure you were both enjoying it, whilst you’d planted yours on his shoulders.

“You feel so good, Mase.”, you whined as he continuously hit that one spot deep inside of you. “You’re so deep.”

“Yeah?”, he panted, a proud grin on his lips. “Can feel me all the way up your tummy, baby?”

Mason moved one of his hands to your stomach, fingers caressing your skin until he flattened his hand and pressed down right when his hips snapped up, causing you to whimper loudly as the delicious ecstasy running through your veins only increased tenfold.

“You’re such a good girl, baby. Taking me so well. You’re my good girl, aren’t you?”

“Yes, Mase.”, you whimpered, squeezing tightly around his dick at the same time. Your high was approaching pathetically quickly because of the way he knew how to hit all of your right spots. “Fuck, you’re so good.”

It wasn’t long until you were nearly there, and the moment Mason attached his thumb to your clit and rubbed it in quick circles, you fell apart on top of him, curse words and his name falling from your lips repeatedly.

Your thighs shook and your fingers squeezed his shoulders so tightly, you were afraid you were hurting him, but with the ecstasy shooting through you as he continued to snap his hips into yours, multiplying your pleasure, you couldn’t really care about that.

“Where…where do you want-“

“Inside of me, Mase.”, you panted. “It’s…it’s safe, I…I promise.”

His fingers dug into your skin and his head fell back, as his hips pushed up one last time before he spilled into your tight heat. “Fuck, fuck, oh my- fuck.”, he cursed, rolling his eyes at the way you gently moved your hips against his to help him ride out his high. “Oh my god, y/n.”

Once you’d both come down from your highs and had caught your breaths, Mason wrapped his arms around you tightly, pulling you flush into his body, head finding a home on your chest where he could listen to your racing heartbeat.  

You could feel him softening inside of you, but neither of you cared enough to pull away. Instead, you threaded your fingers through his soft hair and massaged his scalp, causing Mason to hum in content, whilst his hands caressed your back in soothing motions.

It was the most content you’d felt in forever.

*

Weeks after this incident, you were back up in Manchester. You and Mason had slept together another handful of times and whilst deep down you both knew it was stupid, given your obvious feelings for one another, you’d agreed to stay best friends and just enjoy the sexual part with each other as well. Friends with benefits. Nothing more.

You tried to convince yourself that it was enough as you got to have him in the way you wanted him every once in a while, but you’d noticed rather quickly, that it was everything but enough for you.

You wanted to be able to kiss him and hold his hand whenever you felt like it. You wanted the public to know that he was taken and that it was you who made him happy. You wanted all those women to stop looking at him as if he was still available.

Women like Tabitha right now. She was hanging off of Mason’s arm, flirting with him shamelessly, whilst you were right next to them.

It was the international break and since Mason hadn’t been called up for England, he’d asked you to take the week off and come up to Manchester to spend some time with him. Going to the bar hadn’t been one of the things you’d imagined you’d be doing, but when Mason had admitted that he wanted you to meet some of his friends, you’d eventually agreed.

Your idea of the evening hadn’t included several women ogling him though and the problem was that the longer your friends with benefits thing was going on, the more jealous you got. Before, you’d never had the right to be jealous at all and whilst now you still hadn’t, the fact you got to kiss him and have him between the sheets, whilst not being allowed to be his outside of your flat or his house, made it even worse.

You were in love with him and a tiny part of you knew he felt the same for you, but he’d never made it that obvious. For all you knew, it could be him using you for sex without any other intentions.

“So, are you going to take me home then?”, Tabitha chirped as she batted her eyelashes at him. Her hand was trailing up and down his arm and whilst you’d noticed how Mason had moved away from her every time she‘d touched him, she apparently hadn’t. Or she simply didn’t care.

“You do realise I’m right here, don’t you?” The words had left your mouth faster than your brain had processed your thoughts and from the way Mason looked at you, he was as surprised as you were. “He could be taken for all you know.”

“Oh honey, no offense, yeah? But he could be with anyone, so why would he go for you? I’m the real option here.” She sent you a fake smile, the disgust in her eyes visible and whilst it did scratch your ego for a moment and had you wondering if Mason thought the same, you were quick in smiling back at her.

Mason was about to step in as he refused having her speaking to you like that, but before he even could, you surprised him again.

“Sorry to pop the bubble, honey, but I know what he tastes like.”

Stunned silence fell over the three of you as the loud music faded into some sort of background noise. Tabitha simply scoffed before turning around and looking for someone else to pay for her drinks and take her home, but Mason didn’t even notice. He was too busy staring at you and trying to calm down his racing heart.

He carefully sneaked his arm around your waist and squeezed you a little. The fact you’d just subtly claimed him and showed a bit of jealousy for the first time, had left him speechless, but at the same time it made him incredibly happy.

“We need to talk to Ben, don’t we?”

After giving it a moment, you nodded. “Yeah, I think we do.”, you whispered before leaning your head against his shoulder. Mason pulled you a little more into his side, happy he could finally hold you like this in public and when he dropped a kiss to the top of your head and you snuggled more into his chest, his heart skipped a beat.

That night you stayed over at his. You shared the bed, but not in a way you normally did. Instead of being tangled in between the sheets, you were cuddled up, shared soft and meaningful kisses and lingering touches. Very little words were exchanged as you traced the hundreds of freckles on his cheeks, ran your fingers through his hair and all over his neck.

Mason hummed softly, squeezing your waist and caressing the warm skin of your tummy until you fell asleep in each other’s arms.

-

The next morning, Mason drove the two of you down to London.

Last night hadn't changed everything, no, this change had already started weeks ago, but the moment in the club had made you realise that you were just fooling yourselves with beating around the bush and it was time to wake up and act like adults. And that meant making a decision. The decision to be honest with yourselves – and Ben.

“Hey, don’t be nervous. He’s your brother, he’ll be okay.”, Mason tried to reassure you gently, but being honest with himself, he was bricking it too. He had no idea how Ben would react as the topic of you and him had never once come up and he doubted Ben suspected anything.

“What if he’ll just shout at us and be super mad? Mase, I’m his little sister and I know how protective he is. I don’t want you two to fight or fall out because of me. You’re best friends.”

Mason squeezed your hand gently, his thumb running over the back of it in calming motions. “We won’t fall out, y/n. Please don’t worry about that. Worst case scenario is he’ll be mad for a couple of days, maybe weeks and then he’ll be back to normal. Okay?”

“Okay.”, you smiled, bringing your joined hands up to kiss his in appreciation.

The journey, which normally felt so terribly long, seemed to have taken only a few seconds today and when Mason stopped his car in front of Ben��s house you weren’t sure you were ready to face him.

“Mase, I don’t think I can do this. What if he’s gonna hate me or worse you? I can’t just go in there and talk to him and-“

Mason gently shut you up with his lips against yours and you almost immediately relaxed into him. Your heart slowed down and when he pulled away and stroked your cheek with his thumb, you smiled at him.

“Thank you.”, you mumbled with blushed cheeks.

“Okay to go in?”

“Yeah.”, you smiled. “Let’s face it.”

With a final kiss you eventually got out of the car and made your way up Ben’s driveway. Your heart was beating out of your chest when you knocked on your brother’s door and you were afraid your knees would give way any second. Maybe Ben wasn’t even home? That way you could avo-

“Oh hi.”, Ben smiled, but the confusion was visible on his features. He definitely hadn’t expected either of you and especially not the two of you together and when he asked you to come in with an unreadable expression on his face, your stomach dropped.

You were terrified.

And as if Mason could read you like an open book, he placed his hand on the small of your back, offering you the most support he could without drawing too much attention to it. Ben flopped down on his sofa, watching you curiously as you stood there, nervously fiddling with the hem of your hoodie.

“It’s erm…Ben there’s a reason why we came here so unexpectedly and it’s erm…a little difficult and I don’t really know how to explain it, I just…it’s complicated and I didn’t mean to…but, well…erm…”, you stumbled over your words. The whole speech you’d memorised during the drive down to London had disappeared, leaving you with an empty head and bright red cheeks.

Mason noticed how you struggled. He knew you wanted to tell Ben yourself, but it seemed as if you needed a bit more support from him to go through with what you’d wanted to say, so he removed his hand from the small of your back and instead grabbed your hand, lacing his fingers through yours and giving it an encouraging squeeze.

With one last deep breath, you eventually just blurted it out: “We’re…erm…we’re together.”

You could feel Mason’s surprised gaze on you the second the words had left your mouth, and you knew exactly why. This thing between the two of you? You were yet to put a label on it. Surely, you wanted to give it a go and start dating, but neither of you had ever even mentioned the word relationship. And now you’d simply gone and told your brother you were in a committed relationship.

But as Ben was already up on his feet, Mason simply went with it.

“I would love to say I’m surprised, but truth be told, I’m not.”, Ben laughed as he pulled you into a hug. “I‘ve been suspecting it for months now, to be honest.”

“Months?”, Mason asked incredulously. You hadn’t even been sleeping together for months, let alone talked about liking one another for that long.

“You two are like peas in a pod, never without the other and recently it became more and more obvious. I always knew you liked each other, but I didn't want to interfere.”, Ben explained, causing you and Mason to blush.

The two of you shared an incredulous look, unable to believe that what you’d made out to be such a big deal, had turned out to be the easiest thing in the world.

“So you’re…you’re not mad?”

“Mad? y/n, are you insane?”, Ben laughed. “You two are among the most important people in my life, you are family and I want both of you to be happy.”

He pulled away from the hug as his expression became serious for a moment. “y/n, you’re my little sister and all I’ve ever wanted for you was someone who treats you the way you deserve, someone who I can trust to take care of you and when there’s one person who would drop everything for you, then it’s Mase. He’s done it perfectly as your best friend and I can only imagine how much more protective he’ll be now.”

Mason who’d seen the tears welling up in your eyes reached out and with the gentlest of touches wiped a stray one from your cheek, basically confirming what Ben had just said. He pulled you into his side and kissed your temple before focussing back on his best friend.

“Thanks, Ben.”, he smiled. “I promise I’ll take care of her. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“I know, mate.”, Ben nodded. “But I’m also happy for you because after all the shit you’ve been through those last years, you deserve someone who’s by your side unconditionally and who likes you for being you and not for your money or your status or whatever. You deserve someone who has your back all the time, but especially when you’re not there to defend yourself. She’s precious and just like you’d drop everything for her, she’d do the same for you. You both deserve each other, so no, y/n, I’m not mad. I’m incredibly happy.”

You couldn’t believe anything of what had just happened. Your fear that Ben would explode and literally shoot you to the moon didn’t come true. Instead, he was supportive and happy and had basically rooted for you and Mason to get together.

You were lost for words, unsure what you should say other than thank you, but thankfully Ben’s phone ended the situation rather quickly and your brother left you and Mason alone to take that phone call in the kitchen.

“So, we’re together now?”, Mason asked with a cheeky grind once he’d turned you in his arms so he could look you in the eyes.

He watched how an adorable blush painted your cheeks rosy and how you shyly dropped your gaze to his chest, but he was quick in tilting your head back up.

“I erm…I just thought…I don’t know, I just didn’t know what to say and…it’s just happened. Sorry.”, you stammered, unable to explain why you’d stated you were together when really you weren’t or at least hadn’t talked about that yet, but Mason simply laughed.

“So, you’re my girl then? Officially?”

“If that’s what you want?”

“y/n.”, Mason sighed. “I don’t need a talking stage or seven dates to figure out if I want you in that sense because I already know. It’s early days, but at the same time it’s not because we’ve spent so much time together already and I know that I’m in love with you. I’d love to be home to you in the way you’re home to me.”

“You are home to me, Mase.”, you whispered with tears burning behind your eyes. It felt as if you’d finally found your forever, your home, your person. The one man you wanted to spend your whole life with. “I’m in love with you too.”

With his arms wrapped tightly around your shoulders, Mason dipped down and pressed his lips to yours in a soft, loving kiss.

-

Later that night, with you sleeping soundly in his arms, Mason couldn’t help but feel as if he was about to explode from all the happiness he felt and although he hadn’t actually talked it through with you, he really wanted to world to know he’d managed to land the best girl in the world.

__________

I genuinely hope you enjoyed reading this. You would make my day if you left a little feedback so I can see what you liked and what I can improve on 🩷

[lovemyromance]

Bro the thing is - I'm not even anti-Elucien.

If SJM were to do a full 180 and suddenly ACOTAR 5 is all about how Lucien comes to Velaris and actually spends time with Elain and Elain starts to slowly fall for him and they have whatever XYZ cute moments - I'd be down!

I'd read that book. I have no shame in admitting it. Smash.

If SJM were to suddenly write Elucien giving each other the time of day and finding whatever "healing" in each other - cool- that's fine - smash.

But what we have been shown of their relationship thus far in the books - I legitimately cannot ship that. There is nothing for me to root for?

"But they're fated mates"

Yeah that means jack shit to me because I'm a human woman. Why would I put value in a fictional concept over love - a very real and human concept.

Elain & Lucien - as they have been written right now - literally do not have a relationship?? Let alone a romantic one I want to root for. They ignore each other. Live apart from each other all year - seemingly without issue. Elain doesnt even want to be in the same room as him. She shrinks away from him. She has a wary look in her eyes when she looks at him. She makes sure she never sits next to to him. She doesn't use any of his gifts.

So just tell me - what am I rooting for? What about their current relationship is supposed to be worth my interest? Why would I want them together if they're like THAT? That's not a romance - that's not even acquaintances. That's a pass from me.

On top of all that, we have the introduction of a male Elain actually seems to want. They have had build up - far more than Elucien has. Azriel is constantly written on the page with Elain and vice versa. Whether it's when his shadows light up at her smile or when Elain's potato steam rises like Azriel's shadows. Like why did SJM even write that about potatoes? Nobody has EVER looked at the steam from potatoes and thought "wow it looks like shadows 🤩"

They've been explicitly tied together on page countless times, far more than Elucien has even though they're "fated mates".

Not tied together through fan-theories of cloaks and sunlight and flowers and ugly black dresses.

Canonically, Elain & Azriel's is the only romantic relationship on the page.

So everything Eluciens are rooting for - is just the hope that "one day" Elain will get over it and suddenly she and Lucien will be together. Suddenly, Lucien & Elain will have feelings for each other and be in love blah blah.

Y'ALL ARE TRYING TO FIND EVIDENCE FOR A SHIIP THAT IS NONEXISTENT ON THE PAGE.

That's what bothers me. Elucien is currently not together, not interested in each other, not even around each other in any proximity.

All this debate is about current state Elriel vs pre-successful Elucien??

It's giving ... that one Jason Mendoza line in the Good Place where he says "I'm not a failed DJ... I'm pre-successful."

"It's not a dead ship - it's pre-successful!"

It's like.. let's ignore what is actually written in the text ... so we can argue about how they're not gonna work out bc XYZ reason... even though the other pairing isn't even talking to each other right now.

"All this is buildup for Elucien" how are y'all saying that if we don't have the next book yet? 😭😭 Can I then say... well your buildup is just buildup for Ultimate Elriel Engame?? Uno +4? Reverse reverse? Where does it end?

Build up - as the name implies - has to BUILD UP TO SOMETHING. How y'all saying "Elain and Lucien ignoring each other is buildup for Elucien" if there is no Elucien in sight??

I'm telling you rn - once there is an Elucien in sight - on the page - smash, idc.

But until then - I have literally no reason to doubt Elriel? So why would I consider Elucien an endgame ship if there is no endgame in sight for them on the page?

[afsalovescats]

HI AFSA!!!

UHM, okay so i read that your in need of some requests??? if so, i'm your gal!!!!

may we get some dazai x gn reader, where the reader is clingy but is shy to start getting cuddly with dazai because they don't want to upset him with their clingyness??

tysm, have a wonderful day<3

omggg hiii! I love this sm sounds like me...I'm screaming rn , love u! stay safe love! Help this is kinda good-

Im gonna make this into hc's! and maybe a scenario? mhm yeah prob.

starting off I'm gonna go like this, you and dazai are cute together! you show obvious signs of caring of his well being verbally (for now) while he does it physically.

at first he dosent mind

as long as you love him and let him he's fine! Is what he tells himself...

but soon he starts getting touchy...and he notices that your tense, but he excuses it

you guys, it's dazai

he's one clingy man, he loves everything about you, your face, laugh, personality- he loves you!

but it gets to a point where he's like 'huhhh?!!!'

so whenever he intiates his touches he notices you just shy away, was it him?

eventually you talk it out and he has a whole 'what? no! don't be shy, doll! just do whatever feels right!' he lowkey says that cuz he cant wait til its mutual

now the two of you have established that problem! yippe!

only problem...he wont take his hands off you!

work? Hes distracting you with whines and pouts about how come you don't love him! Course you do, he's just dramatic!

eating? he's making you have some sort of contact- hand touching isnt enough- he needs to be on you or have you on him!

Like he won't even let you use the bathroom atp ( 🙄 )

Since u decided to be affectionate back whenever your litterly not touching for a hot sec he's so over the top! Ughh!

"Oh so you don't love me, belladonna?! I see how it is!" Dazai whines as you get off the bed trying to cling on to you, complaining.

" samu? What do you mean? " you question as you unwillingy get out of bed to try and retrieve the blanket that mysteriously ended up on the floor; most likely due to the man on your bed shuffling in the night.

As you pick it up and carry it as you walk to the bed you see an annoyed dazai as he crosses his arms and stares at you and you without saying know what he means.

With a loud sigh you comment "only for the blanket" as you get in the bed and wrap yourself around the blanket as you offer some to Dazai

He still doesn't budge as he stares at you and you just state at him as you inch closer and you put an arm around his waist as he sits on the bed meanwhile with you laying down, cold and shivering...man you should really turn on the heater, falls cold.

You then feel him slightly move as he decided to finally join you; though once he does he buried your head into the crook of his neck as he puts his chin on your head then slightly tilts his head as he smells the familiar scent of your shampoo then whined "bella...your so cruel...leaving me like that...you shall make it up by doing this with me.." Is the last thing you hear before you drift back to sleep again as you feel his hold get tighter and a sudden shift in movement as you feel a soft warmth on your forehead as you hear something along the lines of 'you're forgiven ♡'

[yearningaces]

Any ideas floating around in your head rn? I’m not asking for a full story or anything but I’m curious if there’s anything about the monster partners you’ve created that you wanna talk about but don’t have enough on/in you rn to write a full story about

I have very many very complex ideas that I have tried answering this ask with but seem to have a difficult time doing so, so please accept this major word tossing I’m handing out 

During pride month no less 

There’s something wrong with your husband. 

He’s by no means harsh, or cruel, and he’s far from brushing you aside no matter the day. That’s never been the issue. 

The issue is that he’s acting far more attentive. Which feels ridiculous to complain about, especially considering how many people want their husbands to pay them more attention, you sometimes feel silly for even saying anything about it but... but- 

“Honey? Is something the matter?” There he goes again, ears perked up as your very human husband seems far too in tuned to the slightest change in your very heartbeat from across the house. You peer out the window into the rows and rows of homes that line the block. 

“I’m fine, Ethan.” Because it’s silly to say he’s too understanding of every little thing for some reason. 

Ethan has been beside you for nearly seven years and married for the last four. He’s always been loving and considerate, and steadfast beside you, as well as a smartass at times. You loved him so much. He loved you even more. 

But Ethan went missing three years ago. On March 8th he went missing three years ago. 

His body was found April 24th two years ago, decomposing and rotted in a shallow grave by a creek in the woods far away from your shared home. 

Three years ago, you pleaded with everything in you to have your husband back, two years ago you knew you were a widow.  

One year ago, something answered your heartfelt cries. 

Today you have no idea what you are, a spouse, a widower, a partner, a mourner.  

Because Ethan is sitting next to you now, the cushions under him give way to his weight, his hand grasps onto yours in a silent show of support as he rests his head against the top of yours. He’s warm, and solid, and smells like the earth after heavy rain for the first time in months. 

But he still has a gravestone that marks his death date. You still leave flowers sometimes. He never goes to the graveyard if he can avoid it, and when he does go it’s like you can only see him or the gravestone, never together, never at the same time, your mind just blurs one or the other out. 

Then again, when was the last time you looked at his face? Saw him? Ethan is sitting right beside you, his arm moving to wrap around your shoulders, cuddling you close and pressing a kiss to your temple in nothing but pure loving affection for you.  

But you don’t even remember if you’ve looked at his face and seen him since he came back. 

You remember what he looks like, you remember what he feels like, sounds like, smells like, taste like, but is it memories you’re reliving or is he here despite his body being lain in a grave as peacefully as one could be? 

“Ethan?” 

“Mmh?” His voice is soft right now, lips still pressed to your temple before he relaxes and presumably looks down at you.  

“...” What do you say? He’s never mentioned what happened or how he’s here and you don’t want it to be some illusion that’s broken when you question it. “I love you,” Your words are uncertain in tone but sincere in meaning and you can feel Ethan squeeze you just a bit closer. Just a bit tighter. 

“I love you, too.” His response is simple yet so warm. 

He’s here, and maybe that’s enough.  

- 

Ethan is almost the same he was ‘before’ as you’ve taken to calling it. Before he went missing, before his body was found and buried, before you woke up that morning to find yourself in his arms, bundled in bed as if he’d always been there.  

The biggest difference though, is his diligence. He wanders the house nearly endlessly if he’s not preoccupied doing something with or for you. It’s almost like patrolling, you sat back in the kitchen one night and watched him. His movements were scripted, precise, as if muscle memory made from years of doing something. He’d pass each window, placing a hand on the lock and locking it if it was unlocked, (You might have walked behind him and unlocked a few to see if he’d do it again and he would every time.) The same with the doors. He’d circle the house endlessly looping, guarding some unseen path or border he had established in his mind. The moment you called his name, he was beside you of course, but the principal seemed to be he’d do for or with you, and then go back to what he was doing. 

Sure, he’d come lay with you in bed every night when you were tired, but once you were deep asleep, he seemed to slip away to continue this endless patrolling behavior. He never commented on it, never explained it, if anything it seemed to be nearly as automatic as breathing. 

It was really harmless, so you never stopped it. 

It was harmless until you woke at 4 in the morning to the sound of breaking glass in the kitchen downstairs. 

You were quick to move down the stairs, wondering if he’d accidentally hurt himself, but no- 

What you saw was Ethan, as much of him as your mind seemed to process in that moment. His body? Sure. His hair? Blond and pushed back as usual. His hand? Holding up a stranger wearing a dark hoodie and jacket, his hand lifting the stranger by the throat. 

Now that should have been the most alarming thing. 

It wasn't. 

The most alarming thing was Ethan’s face. Black. Like a shadow had been cast over him, concealing every distinguishable feature on your husband's face except for one single eye, wide and enraged. A low crackled rumbling sounded from Ethan as he stood tall, holding the stranger up by the throat with far too much ease. “You don’t belong here.” His response is... both clear and confusing as he speaks to the stranger despite having no visible mouth or mouth adjacent movements. 

The intruder -probably just someone young and stupid going by the small backpack and no weapons despite him breaking into your home to most likely steal something- mumbles quiet pleading to be released, let him go he won't come back... 

Until he turns to you, “Please, please help me-” As the intruder’s attempted begging grows louder, it’s cut off by Ethan squeezing his throat far too tight as he then turns to look at you. 

This is the first time you’ve been able to truly process what you’re seeing as more than what you’re used to seeing and it's so empty. It’s his body, his hair, his head, but his face is so... clouded by some sort of unending darkness. His voice is as soft as when you’re both lounging in bed though. “Go back to bed, honey. I’ll be there shortly.” 

You don’t know what to do but... 

“It’ll be alright, go back to bed.” Ethan sounds so doting as he softly promises that things will be okay, and he means every word. He patrols every night for this reason, after all. He won’t be caught unaware again, he won’t be taken from you again, he won’t hear your heartbroken cries ever again, nor would he ever let you undergo anything remotely similar.  

Ethan is here, he’ll keep you safely tucked away from the monsters and the darkness outside of your little home, even if he’s part of it now, he refuses to act like it. So go back to bed, he’ll clean up the mess and be there soon. 

Go back to bed. 

[tat3sbbg]

C'mon-Kai Anderson x fem!reader

GUYS OMG I'VE NEVER WRITTEN FOR KAI???? HES SO FINE GOD DAMN

(visual for the story at some point ;) )

𝖂𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘:

Smut, dirty talk, Kai Anderson, p in v penetration, slight overstimulation, teasing, degrading, praising, fluff at the end

Kind of slow burn as well, Idk why. Kai takes a lot of time talking to Y/N, so that probably made it a slower burn >:(

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You were in the Anderson home, visiting with Winter. You were planning on moving in with Winter, since she was your best friend in the whole world. You had contrasts from her, though. You had neutral political views, since you agreed with things from both sides. You were a leaning democrat, though. She was a bit emo, and you were a soft, sweet girl. Your hair was blonde with pink bangs, hers was white. You had no siblings, she had two. Kai Anderson and Vincent Anderson.

Kai Anderson. He was, well, Kai. You had become pretty good friends with Kai because he was around all the time. He was usually downstairs in the basement or on the couch, doing whatever he did. You recalled when he used to have brown hair like Winter's, but changed it to blue. You thought the blue was nice on him. He had started going to the gym, and he would hang out with this guy named Harrison. You and Harrison spoke quite a lot, and got along well.

You and Winter told each other everything, and I mean everything. There was nothing you didn't tell her, except one thing.

You may or may not be interested in her brother, Kai, as more than a friend. Way more than a friend. Only one other person knew, and it wasn't Winter, and it wasn't Kai. Vincent knew. You had told him not so long ago when you couldn't keep it bottled up anymore. You remembered it like it was last night when you told him:

"Vincent, I have something to tell you!" You burst into his office, and he jumped.

"God, Y/N! What is it?" He replied, stopping his work to turn to look at you.

"I-I...I think I might have a crush on Kai." You said meekly.

He laughed. "A crush? What are you, 10?" He threw his head back, tears brimming from laughter.

You crossed your arms over your chest, pouting. You nodded, feeling ashamed.

You blinked your eyes, coming back from your flashback. Kai was sitting on the couch next to you. His short, blue hair was pulled three-quarters back with two bits of hair on either side of his face for bangs. He was staring down at his phone, obviously scrolling through spotlight on Snapchat. You stared over at him, then back down at your own phone. You opened your messages, not noticing that the person you were texting on Snap was Kai. You had innocently thought it was your friend, Amber. You had also recently told her you liked Kai, but had forgotten about it. You started typing:

'God, the things I would let Kai do to me, girl u don't get how wet I am for him rn 🤭'

You heard Kai's phone ding, he had set it down. You thought it was funny he got a notification the moment you sent that message to your friend, and put your phone down. He turned his head to look at you (gif at the top for visual).

"Y/N?" He asked, a amusing tone to his voice.

"Hm?" You hummed.

"You don't know? Seriously?" He inquired, acting like you knew something.

You shook your head, looking confused. He started to read the message aloud to you.

" 'God, the things I would let Kai do to me, you don't get how wet I am for him right now.' " He smirked, looking you directly in the eyes.

You blushed a very deep red, squealing and telling him to stop, burying your face in your hands. He chuckled, your poor mind was malfunctioning. You couldn't bare to look at him. The couch dipped as Kai scooted much, much closer to you.

"What would you let me do to you?" Kai whispered in your ear, running the tip of his finger down your side.

Suddenly, you heard Winter walking down the basement stairs calling your name. Kai pulled his head back, but didn't scoot away. He looked annoyed, leaning back. He huffed, obviously wanting more time with you. He crossed his arms over his chest.

"Y/N, I just wanted you let you know I'm leaving for a rally." She smiled, and you stood up to hug her.

"Liberal." Kai murmured, laughing.

"Kai, that's mean!" You said, and you and Winter glared at him.

"Oh, and shall we speak about you?" He retaliated, giving you a look and you knew you should shut up as he teasingly reached for his phone. He never grabbed it, though.

You and Winter spoke for 10 minutes or so until she gave you one final hug, then left for the night. It was 6 pm. She would go out to a bar or club after this. The rally would presumably take a couple hours, and she and her friends would be doing other things after so she said to expect her home around 1 am.

"Perfect," Kai clicked his tongue, "C'mere, don't be shy." He teased.

You shyly took small steps towards him, stopping in front of him.

"Why don't you continue telling me the answer to my question earlier? How about you start with telling me a fantasy of yours? Whether or not I'm in it, I don't care." He requested.

"W-Well...I've always wanted someone to dominate me. I don't know, just take control of me, I guess..." You trailed, not knowing what else to say. You'd fantasized about Kai so much, you should know.

"Hm," He hummed, walking in a circle around you, seeming to be studying you.

"Nice ass, sweetheart." He said, smirking.

You were wearing a crop-top and tight, spandex shorts. He gave a slap to your ass, rubbing it afterwards. You couldn't believe this was happening. The man you'd been in love with for so long was finally touching you.

"Do you like me too? Y'know, like that?" You asked, making eye contact with him.

"Of course I do. I have for a long time, baby. You don't know how long I've admired your pretty little figure, walking around here all the time. So sweet, so innocent." He cooed, stroking your cheek.

You smiled. To know he liked you too was a relief. You thought he might like someone else. Kai had flirted with you in the past.

Kai cupped both of your cheeks, leaning in and kissing you. You kissed back, and Kai's tongue slid against your bottom lip for entrance. You decided to tease Kai a bit, not letting him in. Then, you felt a vibration on your lip from a growl. Kai's large hand came onto your ass, squeezing firmly. He smiled as you gasped, and darted his tongue in.

You whimpered, needing him more. He pulled back after exploring your mouth a bit, a string of saliva connecting you two.

"Did you mean it when you said you were wet for me, little lamb?" He whispered.

"Yes, I did." You said, your voice shaky.

"Do you need my help?" He cooed, and you nodded.

"Yeah? You can't take care of yourself? Can't do it on your own anymore?" He pushed, "What do you use on yourself?"

"A-A vibrator, I have a few..." You trailed once more.

"I found them, y'know. You're moving in right now, leaving things around. In Winter's bottom drawer that you're using, I found them. Not as big as me, can't fill you up." He admitted, but muttered the last part.

You nodded, staring at him.

"Do you need me, little lamb? Need me to take care of you?" He cooed.

You nodded frantically, almost begging for him to touch you. You saw a look in his eyes. Lust. He lusted for you, but you also saw love. He wanted you in the same ways you wanted him. You felt something hard poking your thigh, and you looked down to see what it was. It was his cock, and it looked big.

"Oh my god..." You gasped, whispering to yourself.

"Aw, does it look big to you?" He smirked, stroking your hair. You nodded.

"Lie down on the couch, on your back for me, and start stripping." Kai demanded, pointing to the couch and going up the basement stairs to lock the door so no one came in.

Music played in the background, the Weeknd. Kai was playing music before you came down here, the music ironically perfect. He came back down, walking slowly to the couch, taking off his tight, black shirt. He surprisingly had toned abs, and strong arms. He was wearing sweatpants, and stood over you.

"Pretty baby, so pretty..." He said, running a finger down your bare body.

You shivered, and his finger circled your heat but never touched it. You instinctively grabbed his hand and tried to guide it to your heat, but he pulled it away.

"Naughty girl, don't do that." He scolded, slapping your thigh open.

"Sorry, Kai." You apologized, not really feeling sorry.

"It's okay. You a virgin, sweetie?" He asked, sitting between your legs and finally running a hand on your heat, cupping it.

"Yes, I've never had sex before." You admitted, slightly ashamed.

"Am I the first person to ever touch here? To see you naked?" He inquired, smirking.

You nodded, wrapping your legs around his waist, pulling him closer.

"I'll treat you gently, don't worry," He said, pulling the hem of his sweatpants down and letting his cock spring against his stomach, "You see how hard I am? This is what you've done to me." Kai whispered, hoisting your hips up to meet his.

He slid two fingers inside you, sliding inside you fast. You moaned and whined, bucking your hips up. He chuckled. His thumb came up to rub and circle your clit, adding pressure gradually. He started going faster and faster, his cock looking like it was aching to be inside you. You could almost see it throbbing. It twitched against his tummy, and you could tell he was trying to speed through foreplay. You came so close, then he pulled them out.

"You will cum on my cock." Kai growled, rubbing his tip against your entrance.

He slid in, the girth stretching you out. You gasped, rolling your hips and tearing up at the stretch. Kai waited for you to tell him it was okay to move, which you thought might be pretty uncommon for Kai. You expected him to begin moving immediately. Once you said it was okay, he started pounding you relentlessly. It didn't hurt, it was just intense.

"K-Kai, slow down!" You begged, but he didn't slow.

He kept going faster and faster, grunting. You moaned his name, yanking his blue hair.

"Hey! Did I say you could do that?" He scolded.

"What do you mean?" You asked, and Kai stopped moving.

"You will not do much of anything without my permission. You will ask to cum, to speak besides the safeword or asking me to stop, to move into another position. Is that understood?" He said firmly.

"Yes." You replied, feeling him move again.

He thrusted so quickly. You squirted without realizing you would, all over Kai's lower stomach and your inner thighs.

"Silly girl. I didn't say you could make a mess, either." He said, a fake amusement dripping in his voice.

You apologized then begged him to let you cum.

"Fine, I guess you can cum. You on the pill, baby?" He asked, feeling you come undone and knowing he wanted to cum inside.

You nodded, then felt a warm feeling in your womb. He had cum inside you.

"Thank me, little lamb." He demanded.

"Thank you, Kai..." You said, tired.

Kai picked you up in his arms, then took you into the bathroom and ran a bath. He bathed you, then gave you chocolate and water. He gave you his shirt, some panties, and a blanket and you two laid down in Kai's bed upstairs. He turned on his TV, and you fell asleep in Kai's arms.

God, you loved Kai Anderson.

[welovetesvkaidan]

OPINIONS ON KAIDAN EE/IF???

My honest reaction:

in all seriousness, if you wanna hear me yap about it, more under the cut

warning like, genuinely a ginormous yap, like a HUMUNGOUS, sleep-deprived yap,,, im cursed to be obsessed with skyrim + modded followers instead of touching grass

I think a lot of this is probably gonna be the same thing other people have said, so im sorry

if you feel i'm gonna be bringing up redundant points and get mad at me😓dont read

I haven't experienced and thus won't talk about the versions of EE and IF that are now separate mods from each other. I don't know anything about that.

if they're better now yayyy but this is about pre-separation

I should preface this with the fact that I've played through Skyrim 3 times with different stages of Kaidan EE/IF:

The initial Dawnguard + fixes/miscs mod

Kaidan EE/IF versions before extensive faction/NPC dialogue for Kaidan

EE/IF w/ NPC Dialogue (AKA Fratpack)

I was also part of the two different discords that were purged and created during these intervals. i don't even know if there is a discord currently?

anyway, that is to say that I have experienced the mod and it's behind-the-scenes progress, extensively so I have a pretty good idea of what I liked and didn't like

That being said, I will introduce probably my biggest problems with it: Tonal whiplash

Okay, well the most common complaint is ofc that a lot of the writing is out of character - and I agree. But it's not just ooc on paper, it's his voice too. I swear, it is very jarring hearing hushed, mild og Kaidan 2 voicelines, and then being deafened by EE Kaidan SCREAMING in my ear ALL.THE.TIME. (like... why are you yelling at me rn jeez)

Seriously. I'm not sure why they didn't just re-record everything from the original mod instead of adding more and more contradicting lines on top of the originals. It definitely could have been a standalone mod, and sometimes it almost feels like it is - because he is just so different.

My most infamous moment in my last playthrough with him happened after we defeated the dragon at Kynesgrove. His og Kaidan 2 dialogue played first, in it he shows interest and is cordial about Delphine ("I wouldn't mind prodding her mind" or whatver dialogue), THEN immediately after his Kaidan EE/IF dialogue will play, in which he walks up to Delphine and STARTS YELLING AT HER AND INSULTING HER - like they argue for quite a bit wtf. And it's like, listen, I have my thoughts about Delphine, but whether or not it was okay to yell at her isn't the problem. It would be fine - IF he hadn't just calmly told me he thought she was okay.

It is sooo confusing how he contradicts himself :(

I mean, yeah, fragments of who he is are still there, I can tell it's Kaidan, but he's warped to fit a different character. Like a con-artist Kaidan.

Anyway, besides the contradictions, it also feels out of character because of his established backstory.

Let's go over it: He's an orphan, lost his only connection to his family(his guardian) to drugs, fell into substances himself, joined a violent cult, had to escape said cult, came clean from his addictions, has been traveling Tamriel bounty-hunting, got brutally attacked by the Thalmor, rescued by mere chance. Do you honestly mean to tell me this man would be yelling, pissing, drinking, lewding, and joking his ass off?? After all that???? NO - or maybe not these levels of extreme. (maybe some other dude might, but Kaidan's characterization insists he is a brooding, keeps-to-himself man, even though he never acts like it anymore)

That man should be tired, and he did feel like he was tired in the original. He was more brooding then than he is now, usually silent, but could still have an edge of comedy/wittiness, he was smart, he had been through a lot!

In that regard, EE/IF Kaidan felt like... we are experiencing Kaidan 10 years in the past - like a Kaidan in his early 20s when he was still a drunkard low-key terrible person. He is just so energetic, always yapping - GOD he talks a lot now. ugh but most of the time it wasn't about anything, it was either inside-jokes, meta jokes, and only occasionally did we get things that added to the experience.

For example, I think most of us who have played Kaidan 2 remember at least one specific line he has said while exploring. What comes to mind for me is either "Can you smell the magicka in the air too? Smells like a rainless thunderstorm." or "Watch for the mammoth with the carvings on their tusks, that's how the giants mark their herd." Alright, both pretty nice small talk for characterization (he IS smart) and worldbuilding.

Tbh i can't really remember any iconic lines from the additions of EE/IF Kaidan... the only two lines that stood out for me were: the "elevenses" line from the clip above (started bumping into him every time he was about to say this so he would stfu... total tonal dissonance), and one he said while I looted Lucky Lorenz ("poor sod wasn't as lucky as his namesake would have you believe!") kai HOW do you know this man, and his nickname, who told you that??? (idc about it that much but its like the only other added line i remember)

I thought that maybe his ooc-iness might have been caused due to the collaborative approach of the mod, I think the mod authors created their own perfect Kaidan - and that's good for them! It takes a shit ton of work (Ik cuz i was there!!) But I think the original essence was lost with each addition. It might have been lack of direction for the voice acting too, a lot of the lines might have hit better if they weren't borderline screamed.

Okay, at some point while playing I got so tired of his constant himbo chit-chatter that I tried tuning him out and bringing other npcs from vanilla skyrim as followers. Problem: even without kaidan on your party, everything starts being about kaidan. Because the extension made it so that Kaidan either has history with/character interactions and development with different NPCs from the base game.

The main poor sods that traveled with me:

Erik the Slayer: Apparently was Kaidan's childhood friend, got inspired by Kaidan to become an adventurer. Least egregious in my opinion, they say sweet things to each other. I swear, Kaidan yells more at me than he ever did at Erik.

The Companions: dumb, dumber, and dumbest basically.. This part of EE/IF was also known as "The Fratpack" and y e a h they pretty much had Vilkas, Kaidan, and Farkas acting like immature frat boys all the time. Just,, absulutely taking away all the maturity out of these GROWN ASS MEN. im sorry, i guess i dont get the appeal. I liked it when they didn't behave like teens (Aela im so sorry, you deserved better than being part of this)

Lydia: All she does is simp for him, ALL.THE.TIME. You think she's about to have a meaningful thing to say? nope, she's checking out Kaidan's ass. Think she'll have a deep convo with another npc about one another? nope! she wants them to tell her all about Kaidan. Both the Companions and Erik will either talk down to her or have to deal with her thirst for Kaidan. i had to start leaving her home.

They also suffered from the same tonal whiplash as Kaidan, unfortunately

additionally, the mod added an "early flirt switch" - you could basically toggle Kaidan to start showing romantic affection for the Dragonborn before the amulet of mara., the interactions were good on paper, but everytime he stammered and stumbled over his words it was written in such an unnatural way... pls people don't talk like fanfics lol !!!

I did like that he gave me flowers, my inventory got full of them - but then he noticed how many flowers I had in my inventory and judged me for "picking everything i see" ugh dude you gave them to me, but also even if you hadnt... mind your business lol

Another addition was a feature that basically made it so NPCs could potentially throw flirtatious comments at Kaidan and the Dragonborn (Bishop flashbacks😨)

You can't do anything to defend Kaidan from those comments, but he WILL take it upon himself to defend your honor infront of any men, women, jarls, or criminals that even so much as find you attractive (THIS INCLUDES FARKAS AND VILKAS BTW :( ) by being rude, forthcoming, AND violent. so yea, you can guess the target audience

speaking of which, he definitely comes on too strong on you once you start the romance, and it left a bad taste in my mouth. I specifically picked the "go slow" option for the romance, and the next day or two it was him constantly complaining about having to go slow under his breath, how he wanted to do anything but slow rn... and like just, wow. :/ yikeees lmao

Maybe this is the result of "i can fix him" romance ideals? im sorry but I liked him when he was down to earth

Bonus? He comes with a campsite now, which has to be magic because its ginormous and he somehow lugs it around despite it also coming with a whole ass furnace (fine fine i'll hold my disbelief)

anyway I do like it, its basically a player house you can take anywhere (so long as kai is with you ig) also you can have a cat in there

I like that there is an MCM, I like that the MCM lets you get through the quest stages in case you get stuck

I like that he can guide you places, usually he gets stuck in a tree or rock but its the thought that counts

I think if the mod had continued in the vein as its original iteration when it was just audio/bug fixes and included these qol features it would have been better than it is now.

But it seems maybe i'm just not the target audience, and as a young woman I'm really confused as who the target audience is 😓

okay im srry rant over

if anyone else wants me to yap about other kaidan skyrim things also ask or join in cuz i like yapping about skyrim and kaidan to people!!!

[httpiastri]

PERFECTLY FINE – CHAPTER TWO (JEDDAH)

genre: angst, fluff, comfort, etc.

word count: 6k

warnings: hmmm nothing except heartbreak in several scenes lol

author's note: guys im really sorry but im pretty mean to paul here..... like it got to the point where i rewatched jeddah videos of him and physically felt ill because i was mad at him LMAO 😭 but we'll get through this together!! this was supposed to include some other scenes but it was long enough as it was sooo 😶 summary for this chapter ig is yn feels very torn between her boys, and so do i. hope everyone has a good week (it's finally race week again aaaaa) !! 💗

also i think the next chapter might be shorter because i just wanna get it out already and i don't have a lot to write about in it hehe, fingers crossed that i can finish it soon<3

(alsoooo i proofread this a few days ago but i just cant find the energy or time to do it rn, praying that there are no big issues…. if there are, i would be so thankful if you could send me an ask or message etc 🙏)

series masterlist

"i still can't believe i missed out on the top ten again. and by just three hundredths, even..."

pepe shakes his head as you both make your way out of the campos truck, dragging a frustrated hand through his hair before pulling on his red bull cap. you can't help but chuckle – he's been like this all day, and all evening yesterday. you understand it, though; finishing just outside the reverse grid pole once again must feel frustrating.

not that you can relate. with a much better qualifying session yesterday in your second-ever qualifying in formula 2, you managed to snatch an eight-place finish. in other words, you will be starting third in today's sprint race, and just the thought of the probability of getting some big points sends tingles through your entire body.

"you'll get it next time," you say with a pat on your friend's back. "i mean, look at ollie. from p-nowhere last week to pole yesterday. that can be you next time around."

you've just come out of your morning meeting – morning meaning starting at ten and ending around noon – and now you're finally getting some lunch in the red bull hospitality. even during a race weekend like this, with mostly evening and night sessions, you still managed to oversleep and almost didn't make it in time for your meeting. you didn't get to have any breakfast, you had to run all the way from the shuttle to the truck, and you even forgot one of your racing boots as well as your phone in your hotel room. thankfully, you'll still have time to go back to the hotel before the sprint race, but walking around without your phone feels like being naked.

"speaking of ollie," pepe starts as you turn left and head into the formula one paddock. "are things between you two... alright?"

your eyebrows furrow together at the pause in the middle of his sentence. "why wouldn't they be?"

"well, i..." he stops again, and it makes you want to shake him. "i heard something. but it doesn't matter."

"who are you to decide that it doesn't matter?" you scoff. "tell me."

pepe sighs – he knows fighting you over this is a losing battle. you're way too stubborn to let go of this. "i heard that you were having issues. that you aren't happy, or something along those lines..."

you stop in your tracks, brain working in overdrive to comprehend what your friend is telling you. not happy with ollie? why would you not be happy with him? "who told you this?"

pepe stops in front of you. "i heard it from kimi, who heard it from... paul."

"what?" your eyes squeeze shut as your hands interlace on top of your head. "why would kimi come to you? instead of asking ollie himself?"

"you know kimi," pepe starts instantly. "he's young and gullible. i think he wanted to go for the see-if-the-best-friend-knows-anything strategy instead of asking ollie straight out." his hands squeeze your shoulders softly and you look up at him, a hint of a pout on your lips. "i guess he was scared that ollie would get mad at him or something."

"it's just-" you sigh. "it doesn't make any sense, does it?" pepe is just about to say something more when you cut him off with a dismissive swat of your hand in the air, stepping away from him and continuing your walk down the paddock. "let's just forget about it. i need lunch."

pepe stands frozen for a few moments before hurrying up to you again. he can't quite read your mood – you look unbothered, but he can't help but notice the slight touch of redness of your ears and the way your eyes seemingly can't focus on one thing for long enough. there's no way you can be over it already.

with pepe shutting up for a little while for the first time ever, you're left all alone with your thoughts as you continue your stroll. you know you should've asked for more information; you should've asked for details, for exactly what kimi said and how he worded it. you probably should also ask kimi himself for what paul told him. but right now, it's like a shadow is clouding your vision.

how dare paul say something like that? he must've known that the rumors he made up would spread like wildfire, as they always do in the formula paddocks. the snowball effect can make something tiny become huge, which is why you're always cautious about rumors. but apparently, paul doesn't care about that.

you're far too enraged to think even straight, and that's why it takes pepe pulling your arm to make you stop walking. you frown – to be fair, your frown hasn't left since it appeared a few minutes ago – but when you realize what it is that he's pointing at, both your frown and your jaw drop.

there's a swarm of journalists and fans following a ferrari driver down the road in front of you, which isn't all that uncommon. both charles and carlos are always incredibly popular. but what blows your mind is the fact that when you finally catch a glimpse of the driver's face, it's neither of the team's main drivers.

it's ollie.

"ollie! mate!" pepe yells, his arm waving erratically over his head. it takes a moment for the brit to find the owner of the voice, but he's tall enough to look over everyone else, and he's soon making his way over to you both. "i know you're popular, but this all seems a little excessive, don't you think?"

"i don't know what happened, as soon as the news came out..." ollie lets out a chuckle before turning to you, eyebrows raised at your expression. "i've called you like a hundred times, what have you been up to?"

"i left my phone at the hotel-" you begin but cut yourself off and shake your head. "wait, what news?"

when ollie starts speaking, time slows down. the entire world around you goes dark, the only thing you can hear being ollie's explanation of how carlos needs surgery and the call he got as he was having lunch. you feel lightheaded, almost like you could faint, when he speaks his final words. "...and they said i will be the one to replace him. i'm driving the formula one grand prix tomorrow."

you don't waste any time before throwing yourself into his arms, a loud squeal passing through your lips. "are you kidding me?" you exclaim, hugging him even tighter. "this is incredible, ollie! oh my god, i..."

"i can't really believe it myself, to be honest," ollie says, shaking his head as you part from the hug. pepe slaps his shoulder, congratulating his friend. "i would love to stay and chat, but i need to be in the car for the last practice, and i have a lot to get done-"

"go! go!" you usher, softly shoving him away back towards the journalists and fans who are still waiting just a few meters away. "we will talk later, okay?"

"of course."

and then you watch him leave – your boyfriend, the soon-to-be formula one driver – with a much lighter heart. this definitely helps you forget about all of the things regarding paul.

at least for a little while.

but of course, pepe stops your train of thought. "does that mean i get the reverse grid pole?"

you've never ever been to the ferrari garage before, so as you stand in the middle of it, you have no idea where to go or what to do; this is completely new territory. thankfully, you got a vip-pass from ollie before he ran off for his pre-practice duties, so at least you have the privilege of looking like a fool inside of the garage instead of right outside the doors.

a fool dressed in a red bull race suit, even. great.

you were in the middle of preparations for your sprint race when ollie texted you, and since you still had some time before the race started, you made it over to the other side of the paddock as quickly as you could. but unfortunately, that meant that you didn't have time to change your outfit into something more discreet.

"you don't look like you belong here, miss," a voice rumbles from behind you. your heart stops in your chest, and you're ready to improvise an excuse or find an escape route when you turn around – but luckily, you're met with chris, ollie's manager, standing there.

"thank god you're here," you say, letting out a sigh of relief. "do you happen to know where ollie is?"

"he's borrowing carlos's room. it's right down the hall and to the left."

you quickly thank him, turning again and making your way down said hallway. the room is easy to find, the two big, red fives on the door sticking out among the white walls. you're glad to find it unlocked, but you still knock a few times before sticking your head inside.

"sweetheart? can i come in?"

ollie is sitting on a massaging table, elbows on top of his legs and head resting in his hands. his eyes are stuck on the floor, but you take his silence as a yes.

"i got your text," you say, tiptoeing inside and shutting the door behind you, careful to not make any loud sounds to scare him. "how are you doing?"

when he still doesn't answer, your heat rate picks up. is something really wrong?

you make your way over to him, hands finding his cheeks and softly tilting him up to look at you – and you swear you've never seen him look this wrecked before.

not after his worst crashes, not when he lost the rookie championship last year. once again, you've entered completely new territory, and your heart breaks at the sight of him.

"ollie, talk to me," you plead, biting back the pout that starts to form on your lips. it's so painful to look into his eyes, but you can't back down. not now, not when he needs you this much.

"i'm-" his voice cracks but he shakes his head, clearing his throat. "i'm so nervous, i don't know what to do."

it's like he's oozing anxiety, and his heavy sigh is like a stab in your chest. ollie, your usually so calm and collected boyfriend, is probably going crazy over this – you know him well enough by now to understand that he's definitely freaking out even more on the inside than what he shows or tells. "i get that. one hundred percent. but," your thumbs begin to stroke over the skin of his cheeks, along his jaw, and then finally across his eyebrows, to which his eyes flutter closed. "this is your dream. it's been your dream since forever, and now you finally have the chance."

ollie sighs, but nods. you're getting to him.

"and it's not just any car, it's a ferrari. do you realize how cool that is? do you realize how many people would kill for an opportunity like this?" you smile at the sight of him with his eyes still shut, eyelashes resting atop his cheeks, messy fringe covering his forehead. even like this, at his most stressed state, he's completely gorgeous. "you would've killed for an opportunity like this just 24 hours ago."

"but what if i ruin it?" his voice is barely above a whisper when he speaks, shoulders slumping forward. "what if i go out there and i'm shit, and then they realize what a big mistake they've done by even putting me in the academy? what if-"

"it won't happen." his eyelids slowly open and he looks up at you, seemingly not even the slightest upset that you cut him off. "you're too good to do that. you'll get in that car and it will feel like your second home, just like it always does."

finally, a small smile makes its way onto his lips. it's only been a few minutes since you came in, but he seems much more relaxed now, leaning into your touch completely. "i'll try my best to make you proud."

you pout. "i'll be proud even if you end up with a slower lap than your pole lap from yesterday."

a laugh bubbles from his chest and he stands up from the table, opening his arms wide and pulling you in for a tight hug. his heart is still beating louder than a drum in his chest when your ear is pressed up against it, and you're almost worried it will jump out any second. but his breaths are much more controlled now, and his mind seems much lighter.

he presses a long kiss to the crown of your head, arms squeezing you tight. "i really need to go, because the sprint starts in..." you shoot a quick glance to the clock on the wall. "forty-five minutes. my team is going to kill me. but go out there and show them, baby."

and that's exactly what he did.

though, that's not the only thing you were correct about; your team was indeed furious when you finally made it back to the campos garage. your main engineer, who was supposed to help you get strapped in and fix all of the last details with the car over fifteen minutes ago, was apparently so angry he left you to do everything yourself. it's not that you didn't know about your schedule; you just needed to be there for ollie before his big debut.

everything works out in the end, at least according to you, and you're soon settled in your car on the grid, waiting to go on your formation lap. however, you've barely gotten as much as a glance from anyone on your team. you can't help but press the button to activate your radio. "i'm really sorry, guys. i just... had to do something."

"hope it was worth it." the voice of one of your engineers booms through your earpieces instantly, the sternness in his tone sending a shiver down your spine. "we got a huge fine because you were so late to get into the car, so..."

another of your engineers speaks up. "let's focus on the race instead now. no need to fight."

maybe it was because you got to visit ollie right before the race, or maybe it was just starting third and having a good car. either way, the sprint race was one of your best races in a long time. not only did you pass richard verschoor starting one place ahead of you into turn one; you also overtook paul, who started from pole, before the end of the first lap and got to lead your first laps in formula two ever.

dennis came around to steal the lead from you, but just landing yourself a spot on the podium was enough for you to celebrate. when you scored a second-place finish where the guy in first place was one of your former academy members, it didn't really matter that the guy on the third step of the podium was your ex-boyfriend.

going through all media duties is always exhausting, but it's usually never as dreadful as it is today. sitting in that press conference, knowing that your boyfriend is starting his first ever formula one qualifying in just a few moments. you have to literally bite your tongue not to pull a valtteri bottas and ask the journalists how q1 is going.

when you're this busy, you don't really have any time to think about paul's rumors. though, something about it continues to loom in the back of your mind all evening. especially when he speaks in the press conference, despite how hard you try to not even look at him, and especially when he's asked about ollie.

as the press conference finally comes to an end, you're not the only one who wants to hurry out of there to watch the rest of the qualifying session. you and the rest of the podium trio find a big screen that's showcasing the session, and you all insist that you should stay and watch, despite the f2 staff members' continuous attempts to squeeze the last drops of content from you.

they keep stuffing their phones and cameras in your face, throwing all kinds of questions about ollie your way, but you refuse to budge. you won't let them ruin this moment for you.

you're sure they've gotten quite a lot of embarrassing pictures of you teary-eyed while admiring your boyfriend's results, though.

you follow the timing board like a hawk, but something breaks you out of your trance. "who are you watching?" your head snaps to the direction of the voice – the f2 instagram admin with her phone pointed to paul.

as if you all haven't been watching and chatting about ollie for the last ten minutes.

you try not to, you really do, but you can't help but roll your eyes at the sight of paul. he's trying to look all innocent, hugging his trophy to his chest as his big, blue eyes blink up at the screen in the distance. a year ago, you would've just thought he was adorable – but today, this frustrates you more than anything. "i'm watching my dear friend ollie," he starts, eyes finding the camera so easily.

dear friend, huh? a dear friend is someone you spread rumors about?

the next time he speaks up, you have to physically bite your tongue to not yell at him. "the guy who gave me one position on tomorrow's grid."

you turn your head away in pure disgust. how could he say something like that? is that the only thing he cares about, places in his starting grid for tomorrow's feature race? is he serious?

you want to escape, to just storm off and never speak to him again. but instead, you force yourself to take a deep breath and focus back on the thing you're here for. ollie is doing so well; when q2 ends and he has driven his last lap, he misses out on q3 by just over a hundredth of a second. he almost even manages to knock out the legendary lewis hamilton, his fellow countryman whom he's been following for as long as he can remember, in his first-ever qualifying session.

you've never been prouder.

"honestly, as long as i can just bring the car home without wrecking it completely, i'm satisfied."

you give ollie's hand a soft squeeze at his words, fingers intertwining as your hands rest on top of the hotel cafeteria table. your other hand lifts your sandwich to your mouth and you take a bite, chewing it down quickly before giving him a nod.

you know his statement is meant as a joke, but you know it's just as much of a truth as a lie. driving an actual ferrari f1 car is his biggest dream, and even just making an alright race probably is enough to make him happy. there's no pressure on him, no one is expecting him to perform a miracle or even score some points.

but at the same time, you know he would never be satisfied with himself if he "just" brought it home safely. ollie isn't like that; he's way too stubborn, too determined, too much of a sore loser. it's what makes him. no matter what he says, there's always going to be something inside of him telling him that he needs to do better.

"i think you'll score your first points today," you tell him with a shrug. "i can feel it."

"don't say that, we don't know anything yet."

a shake of your head in combination with that smile of yours is enough to make some hope spark in him. "well, you have the car for it," you start. "and you have the skills."

ollie stays silent, letting the distant chatter of the other hotel guests having their breakfast fill the air. the cafeteria is emptying out by now, but new faces have been dropping in for a long time now, most of them walking by to give ollie a pat on his shoulder or a quick "good luck, mate".

you put down the last of your sandwich, leaving it behind with the fruit rinds and other scraps on your plate. "but don't think too much," you hum, eyes softening as they land on his. he's trying to contain his worries and anxiety as much as he can, but the slight tilt of his eyebrows and the way his gaze tends to dart away every once in a while tells a different story. "it's just driving. it's just what you always do, no problem."

you hold your glass of orange juice up to him and he gets the hint, clinging his own glass to yours before downing the last of its contents.

you're just about to speak up again with new words of affection, but an icy feeling spreads through your body at the sight of paul entering the cafeteria. the feeling soon turns into real nausea, and you can't even remember what you were supposed to say when you realize that he's making his way towards the two of you.

you want nothing more than to stay and keep encouraging ollie, but you can't take it at this moment. you stand up from your seat, giving ollie's fingers one last squeeze. "i forgot that i have a meeting soon," you make up. "so i need to go. i'll come see you before the race, okay?"

he doesn't even get to say bye before you've stormed off.

unfortunately, you have to pass paul in order to make it to the exit, but you make no effort to even recognize that he exists. you keep your gaze straight ahead.

karl, paul's physio, does a quick greeting from you though – as well as a confused look at the candle pressed into a pastry in one of the hotel's yogurt bowls – but then, you're off to hide in your hotel room until you're needed at the track for race preparations.

of course paul had to come by and ruin everything yet again.

with a good race from yesterday in the bag, you thought you could keep the momentum into today. however, that didn't turn out to be the case.

when a trident driver hit you from behind in the first lap, you lost a few positions instantly and after that, it was a bit too tough to recover. you had opportunities for overtakes, and the car was good enough to go through with them, but you never could. you kept slipping up, making rookie mistakes, and falling back even further. it even got to the point where your team came on the radio to remind you to focus on the road.

but no matter how hard you tried, it wouldn't work. the entire race, something else clouded your mind.

or, more specifically, someone.

every time you even caught a glimpse of paul's silver car, it was like something in your mind short-circuited. the memory of your conversation with pepe, the thought about paul running around and spreading rumors about you in the paddock… you couldn't push the thoughts, or the anger, away.

other times, back in the day, you were always good at turning your anger into something positive for your races. if you were upset with your father for something he said about red bull or the junior program, you went out there and proved him wrong. if you heard that another driver had complained about how you just got your seat because you were a girl, you made sure to dominate the race.

your stubbornness was always your biggest strength. but today, it was like your tank had run out. as much as you wanted to completely crush paul, you didn't have the capability.

at least paul didn't have that good of a race, either.

the second you get out of your car, you storm off towards your garage. you know you'll probably get a lot of shit for your performance your entire debrief, but if you can at least get over with it sooner, then you can forget about it and refocus on the next race weekend. plus, you really want to catch ollie before he's away for his f1 debut.

thankfully, you're not the only one getting criticized during the debrief; the team is not very happy with pepe's start, nor his DNF. after they've gone on and on about how costly this weekend has been for the team for an hour, you're finally released, but not without one last reminder to "think about what you're doing here and whose time you're wasting".

it's natural to lose all energy and confidence after a race like this. but the second you're back in ollie's arms, it's like the world around you just disappears. he's always been the best at keeping you grounded.

you've probably never hugged him this tightly before, but you can't help it. the second your arms wrap around his neck, you pour everything you have into the embrace.

he looks so good, so handsome and professional dressed up in his ferrari race suit. not just his prema suit with the ferrari logo on it, but an actual ferrari outfit. he looks like a real f1 driver – and the realization that he indeed is a formula one driver now brings tears to your eyes.

"hey," he says around a chuckle. "don't cry on me, woman."

"i won't..." you reach up to wipe away a drop from the corner of your eye as you pull away slightly from his embrace, shaking your head. "i won't. i'm just so proud of you."

"why are you so sappy?" the scene in front of him brings a huge grin to ollie's lips – he finds you equal parts adorable and hilarious. "i'm just going out there to drive a car. no biggie."

"no biggie," you repeat with a scoff, dabbing your other eye quickly before doing your best to blink down your other tears. earlier today, you were the one saying all of this was no problem. and yet, now he is the one who has to convince you of it. "right. it's just your passion, the thing you love. but i'm still proud."

an engineer catches ollie's attention above your head, sending him a certain look that has your boyfriend nodding before giving you one last squeeze. "i think i should-"

"of course, go," you usher him, retracting from his arms. "i'll be here after, no matter what happens." he nods, and he's about to leave when you speak up one last time. "have fun, okay?"

"always."

who would've imagined that ollie would not only score points in his first ever f1 race, but also win driver of the day, have the most overtakes, and score a seventh place as the second best british driver of the race?

well, you had imagined everything from him coming last to winning the race by horse lengths. and yet, this was all so unexpected. if someone had told you on wednesday that ollie would score six f1 points three days later, you would've laughed in their face. but now, it feels like it's been a long time coming.

you weren't allowed to stay in the ferrari garage for the actual race – it would've been a pr nightmare for everyone involved – so your nerves were all over the place since you weren't able to hear ollie's radio messages, info about the strategies, and so on. at least you get to wait right outside the garage with jamie, chris and his dad david, being the first to congratulate him after such a good debut race.

he looks completely worn out when he finally walks out through the door, but you can almost feel the pride and happiness radiating from him. his sweaty hair rests messily on top of his head, and an ice vest is draped over his body already to cool him down from the insane heat. and, most importantly, the smile on his lips is bigger than it's been all week.

ollie looks like he doesn't ever want to let go of his dad's hug, his face nuzzled in the crook of david's neck for a long time. you can only guess what things the father is whispering in his son's ear, but when the result is ollie pulling him even closer, your heart expands in your chest.

when they part, it's jamie's and chris's times to congratulate the point-scorer, and when he pulls away from his manager's arms, his eyes land on you. you're pulled into his embrace in just a second, a giggle slipping past your lips when he lifts you up into the air and spins you both around. his strong grip around you never eases, not when he sets you down on your feet again and not when he starts speaking.

"i knew it would be hard, but..." he shakes his head, a sweaty fringe brushing against the side of your head. "my entire body is ruined. like, it doesn't hurt because i have so much adrenaline, but i'm going to be in so much pain later. my neck and my shoulders and-"

another one of your waves of laughter cut off his ramblings, and he joins in once he realizes what he's been doing. when you finally pull apart slightly and your hands come up to cup his cheeks, you're just staring into his eyes for what feels like forever.

your boy, the f1 driver.

"this is from your mum," you whisper to him, leaning in to kiss his cheek. "and this is from your sister." a kiss to his other cheek. "and... this is from me."

ollie has to crouch down slightly because even when you get onto your tippy toes, you can't reach all the way up to his forehead. but once you press your lips against his skin, all of the hidden tension in his eyebrows disappears. he's like putty under your touch.

"i'm so proud."

ollie's groans are muffled by the pillow his face is pressed into, head twitching when your thumbs press into some tense areas of his neck. you shush him jokingly, like a mother comforting a crying baby, but your movements never halt.

ever since he got out of that car, he's been complaining about how sore he is. especially his neck and shoulders, and all of the muscles that were most affected by the g forces. you don't blame him, however – he's got a free pass for pretty much everything for the next week, you think – but you decided to be a nice girlfriend and help him out. the strings of whines and swearwords he keeps letting out don't seem to be stopping anytime soon, though.

the lotion on your hands is enough for you to be able to glide your fingers across his upper back, along his shoulder blades, all over his freckled skin. as you're straddling his lower back, you can reach pretty much all angles of his upper body, and the knots in his muscles seem to be disappearing despite how painful your massage seems to be.

eventually, ollie tilts his head to the side, his blushed cheeks decorated with lines from the pillow underneath him. his slight pout is on full display and his tired eyes flutter closed as he speaks. "hey, y/n?"

"yes, ollie?" you reply, your thumb pressing into one especially stubborn knot in his right shoulder. ollie stays quiet for a few moments and takes a deep breath, almost as if he's gathering courage for something.

"you know that i love you right?"

the world around you stops.

everything freezes.

he loves me?

your breath hitches in your throat at the words. it's the first time he's ever said them, and though it's not the most uncommon thing for someone to tell their girlfriend of over six months, they make your head spin.

a mishmash of thoughts clouds your mind. they won't shut up for even a second. but the loudest thought is the only one you shouldn't have; it's about the only person you can't be thinking about right now.

the way that your mind instantly wanders off to paul is frankly embarrassing, but you can't help it. he's the first boy you've ever loved, the first person you've ever uttered those three words to. the only one. and no matter how badly you wish you could just forget about that and move on, he's still a part of you. he's your only real experience of love.

and this just isn't the same.

you want to say it back to ollie, you truly do. but at the same time, you don't want to say it if it isn't true – it's not fair to him.

ollie senses that something is up. your signs aren't exactly subtle, anyway; your movements have stopped completely and he can't even hear you breathing anymore. "hey, i'm sorry-"

"don't apologize," you interject instantly, shaking your head as you start to climb off his body. "you did nothing wrong. i'm the one who's sorry."

"stop that, you shouldn't be." he turns around, staring up at you with those big, brown eyes of his. "i don't expect you to say it back if you don't want to. i just..." he lets out a low sigh. "i wanted you to know, i guess."

you sit still for a few moments, before leaning down to place a kiss on his rosy cheek. "thank you." another pause. "it means a lot, you know?"

"well, you mean a lot to me."

and he does to you, too.

but is that enough?

ollie loves me.

he actually loves me.

he told me today after the race, and... i didn't say anything. i just sat there like a complete moron.

i couldn't say it back. i just don't feel what i felt for paul yet.

what's wrong with me?

why don't i race like i used to? why can't i control my emotions? was the sprint race yesterday just luck? did i really deserve that podium?

why does paul still affect me this much? why is he always there in my thoughts – when i'm racing, when i'm with ollie, when i try to sleep...

i have a perfect boyfriend and a great car, so why do i feel like everything is falling apart?

yourusername just posted!

yourusername p2 in the sprint 🥈 big thanks to the team for the hard work!! and i got to witness the rb p1-2 up close, congrats redbullracing 💙 also check slide 4 for an appearance from me and my former family on f1tv <3

show all 96 comments

user y/n and the prema staff during the driver's parade 😭 they're so cute

→ user her referring to them as her family, byeeee

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

user why is no one talking about the last slide???

→ user because i can't talk while i'm crying, sorry

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

user great job this weekend y/n !!! thank you for signing my cap 🥺

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

user loved to see her celebrate the red bull double podium even after a hard feature race ❤️

→ user she had to balance out the post with that max and checo pic 😭 would've been just ollie & prema otherwise

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

user ollie looks like a baby in the second pic 🥲

→ user just a little boy playing with his toy cars

→ yourusername i had to hold his little teddy bear during the race to make sure it wouldn't get dirty

→ user stopppp you're so real for sharing that

[fayewoodss]

small rant about drusic if You want to hear

Tbh dream and music is interesting bc "Mask" was his most honest and rawest work on music for me but also had a lot of the mistakes someone who just starts with music makes. Also "Road trip" is very like this too.

Something You can see on his singing. You can tell he practised more and has a better range than before but still has that thing starters have that his voice sounds a bit idk how to Say it...robotic? Like not robotic but sometimes it keeps the same tone for all the song not making the powerful or more emotionally moments feel in their full streght. I think the point when he achieves more this on his new music is on "Until I end up Death" bc that slower and almost pained "until i end up death...im gonna be just fine" its full of emotion that part is trying to give, it gets to You heaieng him song like that.

His new songs with few exceptions like "Until I end up Death" are less raw emotion but are better in the composition deparment. I think rn if dream keeps making music, he'll be able to do something really interesting bc he has the emotions and things he wants to tell and now is learning the "rules" and how to mess with them to make more composed music and songs. And has many people to help him with it rn that are in the industry. I think dream rn is on the stage of learning the basics to alter on make his works Even better

I think the word you mean is "monotonous," and I agree! I think a lot of that is due to not singing/never having sung before, so his range of notes is very limited.

I think my biggest gripe with Dream's music is it's reliance on pop clichés without knowing how to use with intention. The production is very trendy, but in a way that feels stale and canned, as if grabbed off the stock music shelf without thought. That's not a "bad" thing at all, but just shows his amateur breech into the music field. Lyrically, I think he's almost there, with some songs more developed and composed than others, but I personally don't think he's a poet. He is a writer and a great storyteller, but he doesn't quite get the conventions of poetry and what makes poetry music and vice verse. But this reason is also why I think "Mask," with all it's flaws, serves as his most successful piece: it has the earnest vulnerability that makes it poetry which makes it music. It takes risks and deviates from what is expected of pop music, whereas the DrEP in general just feels like radio background music.

When I say all this, I want to be very clear that none of this is negative. It's simply just review and critique. Dream's music still shows promise for growth. There is incredible potential there, and the reason I wholeheartedly believe that is because we know he's a writer and we've seen his writing and storytelling abilities prove to be substantial. On top of that, he has been dabbling in producing and scoring with his recent videos and there has been a lot of positive reception there. He has a high capacity for learning new skills and improving on them, so if he ever continues music professionally (which I think he's still signed to Republic but I could be wrong), I can only see it getting better.

If I were to speak completely honestly, though, I think he should've moved his career toward writing before attempting music. I think Dream releasing YA fiction or even collaborating with an artist to make a graphic novel would've been more widely accepted and successful than music. He has a ton of material already he can choose from, and even though most of it is Minecraft based, he could take those stories and ideas and make something new and original from it. Unfortunately, I think music is just easier for content creators and tends to get pushed by management teams as the only way to move forward in that career field.

[gorgonwrites]

bound to you, part 3

diluc x fem!reader

wc: 1, 844

author's note: im really edging all of us with this rn goddamn

cw: fem!reader, 18+, no *actual* smut in this chapter but smut from last part is mentioned, MDNI!!!, mentions of anxiety, reader is DEF hiding her feelings, diluc is a soft man because i say so. cheesy "where is my wife" mentioned bc i live for that shit

Did you really leave your door open? You frowned, sitting up in your bed. You were almost positive you closed it, but you had been so needy earlier that your memory felt blurry. You were quiet, though, and no one had a room near your chambers. You fell back onto your pillows, looking out your window at the night sky. Did you really just come undone on your fingers, singing praises to your absent husband? The thought annoyed you, reminding yourself that Diluc pulled away from your touch just this afternoon. You rolled your eyes at the thought and turned away from your window. You considered whether or not you really wanted to know more about your husband, or if your lust earlier had completely clouded your mind. It was definitely lust, nothing more you reasoned. As you kept going over the afternoon’s events, you slowly drifted to sleep in hopes of coming to a better conclusion tomorrow. 

“What do you mean he left this morning? I thought he was finished with business for the season?” you were interrogating Adelinde while you ate your breakfast. Diluc had left the winery and no one knew when he would return. 

“Like I said my Lady, sometimes Diluc has to go away for weeks on end. It can be sudden, but we get along just fine. Don’t worry too much, okay?” you stared at her and finally let out a huff. 

“He said he would spend time with me,” you grumbled, “Not that I care. He can’t stand being near me anyways.” you quickly added after seeing Adelinde’s satisfied smirk as you pouted over your husband’s absence. As she began to clear your dishes from the table, you crossed your arms over your chest. How long would he be away this time? 

After a few days of following Adelinde around begging her to give you anything to do, you finally gave up. Your restlessness knew no end, and you were close to leaving the manor to travel back to Fontaine just to have something to do. As you began to actually consider that thought, there was a loud knock on the manor’s front door. You excitedly bolted to the entrance of the manor, ready to give your husband a piece of your mind. You ran past several maids who were also making their way down to the parlor to greet their unannounced guest. You arrived at the door out of breath, and stood for a moment to compose yourself and smooth your hair before you opened it. To your dismay, it wasn’t your husband on the other side. A young woman with ears and two tails stood in front of you with a package. 

“Lady y/n? Kirara. I have a delivery here for you from Liyue!” you stared at her, dumbstruck. You didn’t know anyone from Liyue. Confused, you remained silent. Kirara furrowed her brows, checking her delivery address again. 

“Lady y/n. That’s you, right? This is the Ragnvindr residence?” 

“Ah, yes it is, I apologize for my behavior. I’ll take that.” You gently took the package from her hands, and smiled as the young woman ran off to continue her delivery route. You looked at the name on the package. Lady y/n Ragnvindr. It still felt strange seeing your husband's last name after your own. Feeling the maid’s eyes on you in the parlor, you excused yourself to your chambers where you could open the box privately. 

You sat on your bed with the package in your lap, carefully snipping the strings that held it shut. You opened it and found beautiful red packaging paper inside with a small note on top. It read:

I have heard that this is the best paint in all of Teyvat, hand crafted by an Adeptus here in Liyue. Use them to your heart’s content.

-D

It couldn’t be. You continued to unwrap your gift, only to discover an assortment of paint that you had only ever dreamed of. It was indeed handcrafted by a reclusive Adeptus from Liyue, and it was incredibly expensive. Considering all of the colors your husband purchased for you, it meant he had given up a hefty sum for them. Your breath hitched in your chest, and you brought the note to your lips. What would you paint? You briefly thought about repainting Diluc’s portrait but you were quickly engulfed by embarrassment just at the thought. What about the Winery? And the vineyard! They were two things that were incredibly important to your husband. You bolted upright and immediately began gathering your things to set up an easel and canvas outside for the perfect view. 

After Adelinde helped you set up your easel on a hill across from the Winery, you quickly got to work. The paints were so smooth and so pigmented you wanted to jump from the excitement. You spent hours that afternoon painting, your mind drifting off peacefully as you worked. Each day you woke up, ate breakfast, and spent hours on that hill trying to capture your home on the canvas perfectly. After a week, you felt you were close to being finished. You just needed a hint of azure blue to finish the sky. You turned too quickly and knocked your paints and brushes all over the ground. With a huff, you crouched to clean up your mess. 

Diluc was relieved to be home. He was only gone for a week and a half this time, but he was exhausted. Adelinde greeted him in the parlor, delegating tasks to the maids so he didn’t have to lift a finger as soon as he walked inside. He sighed with relief. 

“Thank you, Addy. I’m happy to be home.” Adelinde tsked at the old nickname, but she greeted Diluc with a smile.

“Welcome home, Master Diluc. Would you like to change into something more comfortable?” He did, actually, and he wanted to find you as well to apologize for his abrupt absence. While he had been almost too worn out to venture out to Liyue to tie up some loose ends on wine deliveries to Sumeru, he was grateful for the distance after accidentally stumbling upon you touching yourself as his name fell from your lips. 

Damn it, he thought. Of course he was rock hard as soon as the memory flared in his mind. He changed slowly, to let himself regain his composure before he started searching the manor for you. He first went to your chambers, prepared to be more careful than last time. Your door was ajar, though, and he stepped inside only to be greeted by the quiet breeze blowing in from your window. He slowly explored the room, trying to control his urge to pry. He did, however, notice a note at your bedside. It was the handwritten note he sent with your paints. Seeing it set out made him smile, his anxiety being replaced with a warmth blooming in his chest. He moved on, searching the main rooms and even the kitchen in the manor. His anxiety crept back into its permanent home in his chest, and he quickened his pace. He became increasingly stressed after each room, realizing there was no sign of you anywhere. Diluc found Adelinde again in the parlor, agitated.

“Where is my wife?” it sounded more aggressive than he intended, but he was beginning to tire from your continued pushing of his boundaries. He’d give you anything Teyvat had to offer, if only you’d ask. He simply wanted you to stay within the safety his manor provided while he was away. 

“Your wife is outside working, Master Diluc.” Adelinde’s usual playful tone was absent from her voice. Diluc rubbed his palms over his face, ready to crack. This was another boundary you continued to push. He appreciated the enthusiasm you displayed, truly he did. He knew his employees adored it about you as well, but as the Master and last remaining heir of the Ragnvindr clan, he felt there were expectations he needed to meet. One of them being his wife not working tirelessly out in the vineyards. Normally Diluc could care less for expectations but with the Lords of Fontaine breathing down his neck, he became increasingly aware that he sometimes needed to play by the rules. He took a slow breath, and thanked Adelinde before heading out to find you. 

You finished cleaning up the last of your brushes, carefully picking out each strand of grass that was entangled in the bristles. Satisfied with your work, you turned around and slammed right into your husband's broad chest. You look up, only to see his amused face looking back at you. He seemed relieved about something. You push away from him, trying to create some distance between you. He reaches out and swipes a smear of green paint from your sunburned cheeks. 

“Beautiful.” he whispers, his touch lingering. You see the crinkles around his eyes form and you chance a quick look at his lips. 

“The painting, of course.” Diluc grins as your expression sours. You could only grumble wordlessly in response. You turned away, hoping to put the final touches on your painting in peace. Your husband didn’t leave, though, and you became increasingly fidgety under his watchful gaze. 

“I don’t think I meant to paint for an audience when I came out here.” you were doing everything you could to stifle the joy you felt knowing Diluc was home. The manor felt emptier than usual when he was gone this time but you’d never admit that. You began to consider backing out of your plan of giving this painting to him- it felt too personal. Though you did consider the paints he bought you to be a very personal gift, even if he had no idea that you’d always wanted them. 

“You’ve been putting them to good use, I see.” he sounded proud of himself. 

“Yes, I have.” you turned and met his gaze, “Thank you, so much. I actually painted this… for you.” You felt a flush rising to your cheeks and you hoped your face was pink enough to disguise it. He tilted his head, and glanced between you and the painting. You continued,

“I know they cost a fortune. You shouldn’t have.” 

“It's the least I could do for you, after leaving so quickly. I wanted to apologize for my absence.” That was a first. Usually Diluc came and left the winery without a word. Up until recently you both had avoided each other easily, unconcerned with unnecessary chatter. 

“Oh, I- please don’t apologize. I understand how busy you are, there’s no need to dwell on it.” you began to turn away again, but Diluc caught your hand in one of his own. This time it was you that recoiled from the sudden touch, surprised that he’d reach out to you so casually. Your gazes locked, and you could feel your steeled resolve melting by the second. 

“Master Dil- ah… Diluc. Would you like to paint with me this afternoon? 

[foxglovefaun]

Hey yo!! I was just lookin over ur sketchbooks stuff, which is,,,,so grand and soulful I can’t put much words to it and wanted to ask do u use a specific type of pencil? Or any special thing like that?

thank you so much!! <3 ;0; my sketchbook is my safe place rn, so this means a lot. and i do! i have a lot of specific pencils. i have a series of tools that are in my everyday artbox, and i've narrowed down a collection that's been pretty reliable for me. i can introduce you! :) ...ok but r u ready for a infodump because

ok this is my everyday Graphite Mechanical Pencil Squad. I always have them in my box and i use them for just about every pencil drawing in my sketchbook.

(I added a post break because I didn’t think about it before :3 )

from top to bottom: - Steadtler: Mars Technico 2.0 -> used for longer pencil studies and anatomy stuff, as well as experiments with comic-style hatching. has a tiny built-in sharpener! I like using this for drawing the base for portraits coz it's got a real consistent value - Sakura: Sumo Grip 0.7 -> comfy. :) big. :) - Tombow: Mono Graph 0.5 -> my current baseline. I've used this pencil since 2021 when i first started recovering from burnout. I really like its weight balance, as the feed end is quite heavy. This pencil was engineered for writing though, so while it has a "rotating lead mechanism", it doesn't activate while I'm drawing. Apparently it's supposed to rotate the lead as you write so it stays sharp. :0 - Uni: Kuru Toga 0.3 -> very lightweight, sometimes feels fragile but is durable as hell. I use this for really fine lines, like details in the eyes or hatching around the nose in really small portraits. I used to use this size more in college, but I use it less nowadays.

speakin of that damb MonoGraph, i have S e v e r a l

I have six currently, which feels like a bananas number of mechanicals to carry at one time, but five of them carry different color leads that i use super regularly so i ignore this.

you probably are familiar with my multi-color sketches with blue and red and pink n stuff, and these are what i use for that. sometimes i use light blue to sketch, then clean it up with the dark blue, and then add portrait details with red. Other times i sketch with pink and then define everything with purple. anyway

i load them all up with Uni Nano Dia color leads. Historically I've used Pentel red leads and Prismacolor Col-Erase wood pencils, but these are my favorite now. They are all erasable and erase pretty well! (The lavender does not specify that it is erasable, but i assure you, it will submit to an eraser.)

speakin of erasers. This has actually been the most difficult squad to narrow down, as erasers are all super different from one another, even within the same brand. Sometimes they smear my shit, sometimes they rip up the paper, sometimes they lift okay but still leave a ghost. not these. These guys are reliable. They help me move. They text me back. - Muji: plastic eraser, hard type, black -> this was my biggest most recent surprise. Muji has very affordable minimalist materials that can look cheap on the surface level, but tbh I've never had an eraser serve me so well. When it comes to erasable marks, it lifts EVERYTHING off of my Talens sketchbook. I wish it came in a stick format for more control, but the brick will have to do for now. - Tombow: Mono Stick, plastic eraser -> bless. Soft to the touch but doesn't need a shit ton of pressure to lift stuff out and clean up. Performs consistently and creates a super clear surface. My favorite standard-sized stick eraser, hands down. - Tombow: Mono Knock -> badass. I've had this thing in my arsenal since 2008. I found my first pink one in Japantown San Francisco and carried it all the way to QC with me in 2020. It was finally put to rest after it broke in 2022, and was immediately replaced with the green one. It's kind of hard for an eraser, which is good because the skinny ones can tear under pressure, but it's precise, clean, and usually lifts everything out. Excellent for portraiture. It's also great for drawing on its own and I'll draw highlights or carve out shapes in big smudgy fields of grey. I highly recommend this tool. - Tombow: Mono Zero, elastomer eraser -> weird. so smol. does cool shit tho. This is my smallest eraser ever, and it took a while to find one in stock. It is so very fine that it has its own refill method and part of it is reinforced with plastic. It's clean tho, and so goddamb precise. - Kneaded eraser, brand ???? i dont remember, probably Mars : I love my kneaded eraser. I've always used it to press and lift when it comes to sketchbook stuff, but i recently learned that you can just kinda ROLL IT across your surface and it will lighten EVERYTHING, EVENLY. I lost my shit tbh, nobody ever told me I could use it like that and now I get legit excited to use it. Very satisfying. But also very sticky and sometimes Bad Texture, so I keep it in a little tin. along with the whole series i described, I also carry these with me in my box. Just misc tools that also live here. Tiny sharpener, blenders, supplementary erasers and pencils.

I also have a small frame-style box that I keep my basic wood drawing pencils in, as well as the tiny eraser and the 2.0 pencil because they fit. :)

Everyone lives in here, and i like that the box can sorta serve as a work surface too, using the lid like a lil table. It's also easy AF to just toss everything in there, so cleaning up my workspace takes less than a minute now.

i use all of these whenever doin sketchbook stuff. I always keep them in my newest travel box, which has served me very well when going down the avenue to draw outside. :)

i hope this gives u some feedback for choosing your own tools! :D I get my materials from all over the place, but when I was picking up the Mono Graphs en masse I was getting them from Stationery Pal at a pretty significant discount.

thank u for ur interest. :3 I have been wanting to assemble a post like this for a while and it felt good to just sit n think about my tools for a little bit. anyway. :3 take care. thanks <3 Hope this answered your question! (and hope it wasnt too much lmao sdfjkgskdjhfkjshd)

[cherry1sblog]

WET DREAM

(Quick jungwon smut)

Time 8:30 pm

U opend the door to your shared apartment with your bf jungwon it was arranged for you guys to move in as you guys will soon be getting married but jungwon always seemd so cold to you you guys weren’t on the best terms you tried hard to get close and he would sometimes but then would be cold anyway u though he would be awake but I Gusse not u went to go shower and after you got out of the shower you heard little noises so u opend Jungwons room (yes you guys had sepret rooms sadly ) you went to go see if he was sick the cover was off of him but he was on his side so u couldn’t see his face but he was squirming then u went closer he turned around his eyes were closed now he was laying on his back you put your palm on his head he was fine but sweating so just as you were about to leave to go get a rag he said something

“Y/n I need you please”

You look back and stop shocked to what you heard he’s never even held your hand so him needing you sounded off you come closer and that’s when it hit u you saw his big bulge through his sweats and you knew exactly what was happening yang jungwon was having a wet dream he sounded so desperate you felt bad you got on top of him rocking your hips he was moaning at each little touch but he didn’t wake up you pulled his dick out and started to go up and down on him and even after that he still never woke up until you put him in your mouth you will admit he was pretty big tho after this tho his eyes opend wide resting on his elbows looking at you in shock but couldn’t hold back

“Yah Lee y/n w-what are y-“

“Ah”

You put your toung on his slit rubbing back and fourth

“Y-y/n please can we t-all abt this first”

“You said you needed me do you not like it “

“No I mean y-yes it’s just”

“Okay good then shut up”

This time you didn’t listin to him only his pretty moans you gaged on him making him more close you could tell by the way his veins in his arms showed that he was close you started to play with his balls at the same time all of it being too much

“Y-n I’m gonna come please remove your mouth please “

You didn’t listen you went faster until u gaged once more and then felt all of his seeds go into your mouth down your throat u wiped your mouth and got on top of him

“What are you d-doing “

“Relax “

You removed your hoodie you had on nothing under obvi he looked down at you body he hesitated to touch you

“You can touch DONT be scared”

“I-I’m not it just feels wrong”

U stoped and grabed your streamer and held it to your Chest u were heart broken

“No yn I didn’t mean it like that it’s just I -I I actually really do like you I’m just scared you don’t I wanted to wait till I told you but I was always to scared to “

“Why wouldn’t I like you won “

“Idk I just thought you were with me for business “

“Well we were out together for business yes but I I love you jungwon “

“I love you to and I’m sorry for being an ass”

“Dw you can make up for it rn”

He smirked at you and flipped you over he started to suck on your boob and massage the over while leave cute marks that will be visible tmmrw you were a moanin mess he started to slide down your shorts the then he soft massaged you over your panties

“W-won”

“Hm baby tell me what’s wrong”

“Please I need more”

“More of what hm”

Being to flustered and embarrassed to say it you just shook your head

“Cmon baby you can tell me don’t be scared “

“Please I need you inside me”

And without a warning he flipped you over again on all fours and started to thrust in you fast you couldn’t stay steady he was going to fast he held you by your waist to keep you stable his moans were so pretty you never want to stop hearing them

“Ung j-jungwon please “

He started to rub on your clit to sending you over bord your so close

“Jungwon im gonna cum”

“Can you wait for me baby just a little longer “

You tryd to go longer your legs starting to go numb you could tell he was getting close to scince he wasn’t as steady anymore he pressed on your stomach where his bulge was and you couldn’t take it anymore you came undon but so did he u guys just stayed there for awhile till he pulled out of you and you both layed next to eachother he pulled you by your waist

“I can’t wait to marry you yang y/n”

………

[marshmallowprotection]

i have a friend of mine, her and i were really close bfr but now she like its not criticize but then,,, Whatever i say, whether its a joke or an opinion or just me saying something she always opposes it and says it so non chalantly too as tho what i said was the dumbest thing anyone cld ever say. We used to joke around alot before... Whenever i try to have a normal convo with her now, she spins it around so it seems like whatever iam saying is wrong and is constantly just trying to one up me on a game i didnt even know i was apart of (its EXHAUSTING) When i explain it, it sounds abit silly, but ig the tone of hers, iam not usually insecure by peoples words but the way she says it makes it sound like iam small, dumb and my opinion is inconvenient 😭

I could use some comfort from my fave saeyoung rn T_T

And sorry if this sounded too much like a rant ksbs its fine if you dont want to write this if yu read it is also enough :>

"Hey now, let's turn that smile upside down," the grin on Saeyoung's face warmed your heart as he nuzzled his cheek against yours. It still wasn't enough to make you feel better, though. You just wanted to be able to have a good time with your friend like you used to, but after a difficult conversation and even harsher words, you left your meeting with tears in your eyes and a frown on your face.

It just didn't make any sense.

Why would she be mean to you in the first place? At what point had she started to believe those silly things she used to say? When did it change from a game into reality? You weren't sure, nor did you think you'd ever know, but you missed who you thought she was... and it seemed more and more apparent with each conversation that... she had nothing but ill-will toward you.

Why?

What did you do wrong?

Was there anything you could do to make it better?

Was it so wrong to want your friend back? To laugh with the person who once played the same games as you? To dream of being able to go back to the start when all was well and you had not a care in the world about what she thought about you? To wish for a moment to trust her rather than shrink away when you realized she wouldn't be kind to you about something you wanted to share?

"I get it, it's been a hard day and the last thing you want to do is hear that... but if you ask me, you shouldn't let someone rain your parade and let you feel this down on yourself. Some people are jerks, and it doesn't matter what you do or say about it, they'll just continue to be mean to you for no reason," he said.

You buried your face in his jacket. It was warm, and it smelled of the cinnamon candle he left burning in the living room the night before. In theory, you understood what he meant, but you didn't want to... to think of someone who you once considered a friend to be a jerk. You just wanted her to return to the way she was before she began to hurt your feelings.

Was that so bad?

"Do you think it was something I did?"

"Oh, starlight," you felt him shift as he rested his cheek against the top of your head. "You didn't do anything wrong. The only person in this situation who's in the wrong is your friend. She has no reason to tear you down... no reason at all. You're not dumb, and the fact that she spends so much time trying to beat you down says more about her character than it does about yours."

"I wish she didn't hate me," you muttered.

"You're a warm-hearted person, [Y/N]. That means people are bound to try and use you, or even deceive you for their own benefit. It's not your fault there are bad actors out there who like to manipulate other people who have not an ounce of mistrust and hatred in their hearts. It's not the person who was fooled who should feel ashamed, it's the one who put the wool over their eyes in the first place."

You knew he was right, but it didn't change the fact that you needed to cry before you did anything else. It wasn't fair, and you needed to mourn what you lost before you could pick up the pieces and try to start over again. You missed your friend, but if Saeyoung was right about her and her attitude, she didn't feel the same way about you.

"I won't tell you how to fight your battles, [Y/N]. But, you know me. If I need to make sure she never bothers you again, I will. If you'd rather handle this situation yourself, that's fine, too, but it can't keep going on like this... this is sustainable. It's killing you slowly like a leech you haven't realized is there. I'll hold you close until you feel ready to face tomorrow, and then I'll be by your side no matter what you decide to do."