#this is what happens when youre too depressed to draw or do something silly but also bored

[willthespy]

he’d understand me…

[cloudyskydreams]

S/O with depression and old sh scars UT,UF,US!

This can be a triggering subject so fair warning to y'all, nothing explicit is mentioned. This is a little self indulgent and they're pretty similar I'm not going to lie but I tried to add a least a little uniqueness to each one. If you are struggling with mental health know you're not alone and this will pass. It will get better you just have to hold out hope as hard as that is and people really care about you including me ::3 anyways hope y'all enjoy!

Undertale:

Sans: He gets it, he sees your scars and understands. Maybe not exactly what you've experienced but he understands enough. He shows you the odd scar he's given himself as he was never big on physical harming himself. On bad days he gets off his ass to make sure you atleast have something to eat, most likely takeout and after that's taken care of he snuggles up with you to vegetate out. He makes you promise and in return promises to talk about mental health more especially if it gets worse. He brings up his own problems more hoping it'll get you to do the same and vent to him.

Papyrus: He's hurting inside when he sees your scars. He's dealt with sans depression but this is a whole nother ballpark to him as sans never really self harmed. He gently runs over your scars and reassures you that he doesn't think any less of you. He checks up on your mental health alot and makes sure you're taking care of yourself. He helps out around the house with chores and such when you're having a particularly bad day and caters to your needs whether that be snacks or cuddles. He likes to journal with you and has you state at least 3 good things that happen every day, focusing on the positive is key your conscious becomes your subconscious and the goal is to get you to think more positively!

Underfell:

Red: He's also hurting inside when seeing your scars. Red understands he has scars of his own that he shows you. He holds you close and kisses every scar he can find telling you they don't determine your worth and letting you know how beautiful you are. He gets worried and checks your wrists and thighs while you sleep sometimes. He knows how hard it is to ask for help so he offers it most of the time. When having a bad day he makes sure you're taken care of. Cuddled up in all the blankets and pillows in the house while he dotes on you like mother hen. He trys to help you find other ways to cope, one of his biggest ones is music and he creates personal playlists for you for when you're in your moods.

Edge: He freezes up upon seeing the scars. Edge is a protector he protects what's his, how is he supposed to protect you from yourself? He gently glides his finger over the scars as if they were simply dust he could wipe away. He reassures you and makes you promise to him that you'll come to him before it comes to this again. When having rough days he steps up, sets his scheduled day to the side, and takes care of all the chores around the house while simultaneously taking care of you. He makes sure you take care of yourself on a day to day basis basing his routine around you brushing your teeth together, changing clothes, eating meals. He just likes making sure you're taken care of even if he has to be there himself for it to happen.

Underswap:

Stretch: A little distraught upon seeing your scars. He has them too and he hates knowing you felt it was even an option. He kisses your scars and shows you his albeit a little embarrassed himself. It's a moment of shared tears and reassurances. When having a bad day he cuddles up with you wherever you decide to lay and does his best to distract you with games and cuddles. He doodles little butterflies and hearts over your scars. He likes to draw little doodles when you're upset hoping they'll cheer you up. Some of them are silly and stick doodles like his brother as a cowboy and some are more well done like ones of you. He even has a small comic going of him and his brother as superheros saving the person in distress( aka you).

Blue: He internally freaks out upon seeing your scars. He went through this with his brother and seeing them immediately sends off alarms in his head. He asks if you're alright and gently looks over your scars dedicating each one to memory so he'll know if a new one shows up. He premakes you meals and texts you throughout the day if he's busy to check up on you or simply give you updates on his day. It's alright if you aren't feeling up to responding he'll still message if left on seen or delivered and knows you're just struggling right now.On bad days he cuddles you close and takes the day off of any previous activities he had to keep you company. He'll plan small easy activities for you two to do together so he knows you're getting some enrichment besides doom scrolling and sleeping.

[flynncorvus]

I LOVE THESE GOOBERS (📺🦋)

CW: Spoilers and Swearing

(G.I.F's by @asmodeus542 ) So I was on a call with my friend @minkschasijasi , and I was fucking SQEALING. StaticMoth is my fucking OTP and they are so adorable in these scenes. Like the hug, their duet, the way Vox leads Val in a little drop move in their dance and when they come back up they are fucking just- Val with that comforting gesture is so fucking yes. Their commentary througout the episode, (Vox mostly) and the LOOKS Val gives- The expressions that Vel makes through everything (her hair fucking slays) I love the goobers so damn much I will cry over them because I love them so much and I SWEAR. Vox is just a silly sad man who I love and he's so immature but so perfect and I love him so fucking much and I swear to whoever is up or down there I love them all and UGHHHHH. He just needs attention, a huggos, a guy to tell him he's doing okay and he's amazing and I just love him so much his character his voice actor his everything even his personality and I UGH. Valentino too, like I love him so damn much his character design his personality his voice he's just my favorite whiny piss baby. I love how Vox cared enough to drop everything in his schedule (Ep 2) for Val, although it was probably because he knew Val would be a handful I still love their fucking guts and I want to give them all the best gifts, hugs, words, head pats, and UGHHHIEONIOEFhoiH VIVZIE I SWEAR. You gave me the BEST hyperfixation I had since BoyWithUke. Thank... god? Lucifer? Vox? Val? Whatever. Thank something that I don't need this to get out of depression, mostly because I've been happy lately. If I'm ever depressed though, I know all I need to do is turn on some BWU, get some ice-cream, grab my procreate to draw fanarts, call my broshimiskies, and just DIE in front of watching this show. I love the Vees they're my favorite beans and I just love and they're so amazing and they're the best things to ever happen to me since BWU and that's saying a whole lot like I bawled at his last concert and I haven't been able to feel anything close to that since now when I'm just staring at the screen I swear I love all these goofy goobers so damn much and this is starting to turn into such a hard to read rant but what the fuck anyway. I Love this show, I love the characters, I love the community, I love everything. How dare the cliffhanger, like Lilith has been in Heaven? That probably confirms that Eve was the one in those flashbacks. Speaking of, Lucifer fucking SLAYED that scene with Adam. Like the whole "I Fucked both your wives" Joke was amazing, and that reminds me of when Vox just screamed and did *that* on the table, and Val and Vel just looked so dead but so loving at the same time and they're so amazing. I love that they're amazing and I swear to fuck that I will die on this hill. StaticMoth is my OTP, the Vees are my main bois and girls; I love everything else as well. HuskerDust comes in a close second though.

[solar-sunnyside-up]

Hey, I’m sorry to dump this on ya but your blog gives me a lotta hope and I just wondered if you had anything to say to my current ails- I am but a very anxious teen and I am so scared. I see so many people talking of how the world “Will end in 2040” or how “damn the past was so much better because it was simpler” and I am lowkey starting to believe that. I’ve got a problem with romanticizing a past I wasn’t even a part of and I really don’t want to live in some awful dystopian future and I fear I’ve missed out on so much because of when I was born :( and how come no one can afford basic shit anymore? I don’t wanna have no money at all! I really would like to be happy in the future but with all the bullshit caused by social media and the lack of money it seems bleak. I’m sorry that this is such a negative ask but I am not doing so hot and was hoping you’d have an insight ? Don’t respond if you don’t wanna

Hey ya there sprout 🌱 it can be really tough out there!

Your feelings are valid, so valid in fact that those exact feelings are why Solarpunk as it currently exists is around! We've all been there!

Between the wages of the top 10% of ppl vs everyone else being greater then during the French revolution, the average citizen globally being worse off then when the great depression was happening, climate crisis after crisis, all while consuming endless bits of info both horrifying (ex Politics) and hopeful (ex Social Media activism) it's waaaay too much for anyone to bare alone! Much less constantly! That burden shouldn't be on any of us!! But since it is, I'm here to help at least lighten the load even if temporary.

The best thing to do when we feel like this is to stop. Find 5 minutes to be still. We are fight/flight/fawn creatures and we will only loop in our solutions without actual clear choices if we don't Chill Out. We're mammals our natural state is Chilling Out and Play.

Next, think about how cool the planet is and particularly how cool humans are?

How there's finger flutes on ceilings thousands of years old, smaller then average indicating that parents held their children up to draw on the ceilings.

Think about the invention of looms and spinning fibers! What other creature could do that? Think about the kids that could build Snowmans without aching fingers because of lovingly knit mittens.

We sing like whales do, like birds do, like wolves do, and we do it to share stories and ideas over food! It is the first things babies mimic! We have songs so old we no longer know their origin just that they came from love! We even have songs to herd cattle meaning music transcends just us but bleeds into our relationships with the planet!

That we have play behavior! Just like wolves and foxes and whales and octopus it is so built into our DNA to play its generally how we learn things! This ranges from agriculture (children tossing seeds around, blowing on dandelions!) To chores (parachute games > folding laundry, playing pretend > usually chores/job based) to hunting (tag! Hide and seek!)

Think about our interconnectiveness with the planet too, how we are guided by Honey guides to find abandoned hives to share in the spoils of bread and honey. How Sweetgrass needs us to flourish, how berries and nuts need us to spread across the land, how we fix other animals broken bones and beaks and help them return home when otherwise they wouldn't ever get home.

Now that you can remember we deserve to be here, that you deserve to be here. We can look at the current situation and bare it.

And we do that by doing small things. Jam out and listen to music while picking up litter on your block, go to a library and just hang out or research something you love, make seed Bombs and toss them I to abandoned lots, make silly cartoons. Whatever it is, it will be enough.

The weight of the world isn't ment for the individual no matter how much Capitalism and Elites will try and guilt you over their failures. That weight is ment for collective groups, but your job as a Person is to be happy where you can and to be kind so others can be happy. The last thing that I always keep in my heart is a quote from my fave author Ursula Le Guin:

Hang in there, a brighter tomorrow is gunna happen. I promise 🌻

[le-92vi]

Into each life, some rain must fall.

Geto Suguru x Reader

Genres/Warnings: angst, the reader is in the same grade as GJ, GT & SK, and was injured very badly on a mission, slight(?) hints of depression and anxeity, after the village arc, reader is (kinda) introduced to Mimiko and Nanako, not proofread

Word count: 1.8k

Notes: this is just a very random idea that popped up in my head and, i wrote it in a haze. hopefully, you enjoy it<3

(P.S. english is not my first language and this is also my first fic ever, so i apologize for any mistakes beforehand!)

____ Two days.

That’s all it took to turn your world into a shamble. Two days were all it took to turn your life into a complete mess.

The whole Jujutsu community had been shaken to shambles in the past two days. Everyone was stunned, unable to fathom how such an incident could've occurred. That too, at the hands of one of their own. The higher-ups were left dumbfounded like anyone else but still chose to feign indifference.

It hit you like a ginormous wave, demolishing everyone and everything in its path—a wave you could only hope to have been a nightmare.

But it wasn't.

Shoko sat beside your bed, holding your hand with both of hers. You realized something was wrong the moment you saw her face. The cool-and-stoic Shoko looked upset for the very first time. You knew she was preparing what to say to you, choosing the best possible words to break the news.

"What's wrong?" You breathed before she could even say anything. Shoko sighed, her eyes falling back on your injury-laden body.

"Tell me, Shoko. I can see it all over your face." You tried sitting up straighter to see her face better, but the gash running through the majority of your torso set your whole body on fire with every little movement. To no avail, you were forced to lay on your side, limp and ailing.

"Don't move!" Shoko's eyes widened as she jolted to your aid. She helped you adjust yourself. She fell back into her chair as you grunted in pain, getting used to the shift in your posture. You could see her hands clenched in tight fists, her nails cutting crescents through the palm of her hand.

"It's…Suguru," she began. "The mission Suguru was sent on recently—they're saying he has massacred the whole village. He summoned his curses and massacred a hundred people. He's been sentenced to death by the higher-ups, but they can't find him anywhere…"

Shoko's words began losing meaning. She was still telling you about what happened, but her words seemed to blur together; you couldn't understand anything anymore.

Suguru wouldn't do such a thing, right? He would never hurt a soul.

Shoko must've noticed the distress settling on your face. Her hand rested gently on your shoulder, drawing you out of your thoughts. "I think if we are able to talk to him, things might clear up. We still don't know for sure what happened in that village."

You remembered how just two days ago he sat in Shoko's seat. Late at night, he quietly popped up at your door with a copy of your favorite book. You sleepily listened to him go on about his very "mundane" day and then read you to sleep. He must've left shortly after you fell asleep, for you woke with only a tiny note stuck to the book he left behind for you: "I'm sorry I couldn't stay longer."

That's when it dawned on you that Suguru had, knowingly or unknowingly, let you in on his plans before he went A.W.O.L. To you, what felt like a silly little, maybe even a little exaggerated, story of his recent missions was actually what his whole world was like in the past few months.

He was miserable. All alone.

And none of you could see it.

Nothing in the world seemed to matter anymore. You felt bile burning up in your throat. The weight sat heavy on your chest as you doubled over, gasping for more air. You had to see him. You needed to meet him.

"Have they been looking for him?" You manage to croak out.

Shoko stroked your back, trying to ease up whatever pain you felt, however little she could. "Gojo's been trying to find him before the higher-ups' do." Her voice was shallower and heavier, as if she was barely able to keep her emotions in check.

Everyone had already made up their minds about Suguru. They weren't looking for their student anymore. They didn't care about a kid they'd let astray. They never had. Suguru would only be made one of the two things if they found him; a criminal or a scrapegoat.

Much later at night, when everything was quieter, you snuck out of your room. Your wound barely hurt anymore since you found out about Suguru. Surely it wasn't anything that could compare to what he was going through, right?

Quietly, you slung your bag over your shoulders and made your way out of the institute. You couldn't leave even a slight chance of someone following you to Suguru, though you weren't sure he'd want to see you either. But you at least had to try.

Behind the Tokyo Institute of Jujutsu Tech, a tiny shack stood abandoned at the foot of the mountain. A local legend-- often the topic of many conversations among people, but it was never actually discovered until you and Suguru stumbled upon it by accident during a regular inspection. The seclusion of the shack made for a perfect, peaceful hideout. For the two of you, it was the perfect getaway. If he wanted you to find him, he'd be there.

And you were right. The lights in the shack were visible now that you were up close. You stood at the end of the makeshift entryway of the shack, trying to gather up the courage to finally face him. Your hands were clammy, no matter how much you wiped them against your side. You breathed in for a final time before knocking on the door.

It opened almost immediately, as if it were waiting for your arrival.

Suguru stood at the door. Disheveled and anticipating. He had been waiting for you. He grabbed your hand to pull you in and locked the door behind him. His breathing had obviously hitched as he whispered your name, almost as if he were reminiscing about the taste of your name. "I thought you'd... I wanted to see you one last time. I didn't know if you'd actually come."

His fingers laced with yours as the two of you stood stuck to the floor, unmoving. Both of you felt this insane amount of uncertainty. Sure, you had held hands with Suguru before, but it was always platonic. It was different—the way he held your hand this time. It was almost as if he wasn't sure of what to do next.

Was this how it went? Were you still his friend?

"Suguru," you began. "It's not true—what they're saying—is it? They're just trying to frame you for it. Right?" Your brows furrowed together as you looked at him, waiting for him to deny everything. For him to tell you that he was being wronged. That he was being framed.

But Suguru stood speechless. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. His grip on your hand loosened as his head dropped.

You felt confused and betrayed by his silence. It surged through you like a pain you had never felt before—your wound seemed like a mere scratch in comparison. But you couldn't let it show on your face. Not until you hear his explanation. "Suguru." You reached for his hand this time, holding it with a firmer grip. "Can you at least tell me what happened?"

And just like that, something visibly shifted in him. It was like a newfound trust that perhaps you wouldn't condemn him that much. Maybe—just maybe—you would understand why he did what he did. That you would comprehend his actions and why he did them. Suguru bent over, your body barely holding his as his knees gave out.

"I am just so tired of this life," he sobbed. His shoulder shuddered under your touch. "I'm so sick of living like this."

You braced his shoulders, trying to console him. "It's not too late yet, Suguru." You weren't thinking straight. You didn't even completely know what you were talking about. It only mattered that Suguru was breaking down in front of your eyes, and you couldn't do anything to hold him together.

"It's not too late to return yet." You pulled away slightly to finally look at his face. "Hmm?"

Suguru shook his head in disagreement. "I can't go back. Not after I... I did it. It is all true what they're saying. I'm a monster."

You felt the air knock out of your lungs at his confession. Now that you heard it from him, the realization finally sank in. Suguru had massacred hundreds of people.

There was no going back.

"Oh, Suguru," You choked on your words, not that you had any left. "What have you? No! I'm sure we can find a way. Gojo can. Right? He's the strongest." Your face twisted in fear and something else you couldn't quite pin.

Suguru called your name, pulling you out of your thought train. He was much calmer now, as if he knew nothing more could be done. The realization had set in for him too. "I can't go back anymore."

He stood up, pulling you along with him, and guided you carefully to the back of the shack. He lifted the room divider open just a little to reveal a glimpse of two little girls curled up against each other on the dusty couch. "I won't. Those people were monsters, no less than me."

You let out a gasp at the scene before you as he drew the curtain close again. "They're just kids. Like we were. Like they once were. So why did they have to live like that? What fault did they have?" He was barely keeping his voice even.

Your mind was sending you into a spiral. Nothing seemed to make sense anymore. You swiftly made your way towards the front of the shack, where your bag lay, abandoned. Suguru followed after you, calling your name. Prying open the zipper, you pulled out some canned food, grabbing them in his hands.

"What are you doing?" He called after you, worry lacing his tone as he watched you pick up your empty bag, ready to leave.

"I need some time... to think, Suguru." You tried to keep your voice as unreadable as possible. How would he feel if you sounded terrified, repulsed, or anything at all? "I'll come by- I... Would I be able to see you again?" You stopped to look at him one last time, hoping he'd stop you. Hoping he'd ask you to stay just a little while longer.

He was hesitant. "I'm not sure." He looked as if he were stopping himself from holding onto you too. He'd be too selfish if he did that, right?

"Take care, Suguru." You whispered, choking back your tears and putting on your straightest face. Suguru only watched as you left, unmoving and unspoken. You'd just be a threat to him if you stayed, right?

No matter how close you were to him, he was still a criminal.

And you, a sorcerer.

[totsworks]

GUYS GUYS GUYS!!!! NINJAGO AU I THOUGHT OF WHEN I WAS DRAWING PIXANE:3!!!

Its called “the ninjago disrespect group” which places after the ninjas die

Welp mostly. Zane became too rusty and his system too overloaded that he shut himself while lloyd stayed alive

Since lloyd was tired of living he offed himself yet unfortunately his grandpa wanted to stick his nose in that again and took lloyd’s soul

Talking to lloyd he was asking him why he didn’t want to continue living? Lloyd told him “your world and place fucking sucks and you suck too”/jk but seriously he told him how he didn’t want to live where the purpose he was made for was finished. Living aimless was tiring which made the fsm hum and told him “your life have a lesson you need to follow lloyd. Dont be impatient” which made lloyd wake up. He looked at the floor now anger building up slowly inside him since even his death have to be controlled as well and have to do another life discovery shit soo he was tired-

-but when he wanted to lay down in his apartment (i made him live a depressed life. Isolated and only on social media) but he stumbled upon a meme which says “when your father hates you so much that you work with fatherless people as well” and his photo in some stupid cgi thingy which made him look at the website only to be shocked since that website talk about joke/dumb legends and there was a category called “the ninjas”

Looking at it he was crashed at how much activity was there. Sure not everyone thinks that way but the fact that its someones idea and someone made this despite the ninjas dying to save them send lloyd to the edge-

-remembering all the unreasonable mistreatment. He decided he had enough

No more playing angel. No more caring for rules. And definitely no more caring for others safety being when they didn’t care about his

He finally opened his crusty door and walked out of that shitty apartment now walking to the grief his friends were buried in. What fsm didnt know that giving lloyd an element that resembles life would be a bad idea. Now after stealing some guts and like healthy parts and fixing the ninja’s bodies he used his power to wake them up(still thinking of this part) and made them rest in his apartment until they feel well(and greenflame happening)

But accidentally kai was worried when lloyd was late making him walking on (unstable) his new legs looking around which caught attention

After some weeks lloyd got an invitation from the ninjago news to meet which made him shocked and confused yet he agreed because he wanted to see how the citizens would react to a new approach of him-

-and after dressing nicely to at least get some positive comments he finally came(after giving smoochies to kai☝️)but the meet up was because they news were shocked about lloyd. The good lloyd! The sweetheart innocent souled lloyd! Bringing back dead

The way they asked him about that and the way they talked made it seem like some fanfic. Not serious. Not taking him seriously as ever

Looking at this lloyd got tired and took the plate on the table infront of him and smashed it then lunged at the news reporter and started slashing him. The news cut due to the quote-on-quote “poor signal” yet when it came back lloyd was holding the mic glaring at the camera or the viewers as he said “you think this is a joke right? A silly thing to be taken? The green ninja bringing his friends to life? What a story! Let me tell you something. You always wished me to be on the light to be your joke or talk right? To be the gossip or some kimd of those belittling conversations right? Well!” And lift his hands smiling now a “welcoming” smile “here i am!! But..im not her to be your fun today. I used to be but..i dont think you will find this funny. This is the ninjago disrespect group news for today. Have the worse night of yours lets see how you can keep up with your own actions” and then the story will be this ‘show,s’ episodes while lloyd leads most of the people who helped ninjago yet never received their own thanking and stuff like that!

TRAAAA!! Sooo?? Thoughts and opinions are always appreciated:3

[flygonscales]

I’m rereading the Saga of Darren Shan (Cirque du Freak) and oh my goddddddd

What do you put in your books Darren?? It is not often I read something so addictive. I saw someone describe them as being like crack. And yeah I can see that I don’t even read Animorphs books this voraciously

(Spoilers below)

And yet. Rereading the second half of the series. When you know who the vampaneze lord is and how it’s going to end. Just:

God. (Or should I say, Charna’s guts!) the planning that must have gone into the series. I can see the foreshadowing/just a prophesy that they don’t know how to follow properly because they don’t know how it ends. It’s like how a horror film protag doesn’t check why a cup fell down because they don’t know they’re in a horror film. Darren! You had Steve at your mercy! SEVERAL TIMES!!! Kill him! It’s unbearable!!! He’s lying!!!!!! This is like a fucking Greek tragedy mess of a plot!!!!!!!!

(Just try. Try reading Allies of the Night knowing full well what’s happening)

(The Greek tragedy comparison makes sense though, Darren is literally struggling against Des Tiny, even if he doesn’t know it)

And then, Mr Crepsley is dead, and Darren (post depression) and Harkat go on holiday to the nuclear dragon desert to gather panther teeth, gelatinous toad globes and Grotesque venom so they can go fishing for souls! It’s very reasonable that the war is drawing to a close so we need a break before the final battle but those toad spheres came of left field.

And then we hear the cirque du freak is returning to Darren’s hometown!! Love it when heroes return after most of their journey and discover they’ve changed too much to go back! But especially Darren, who cannot talk to anyone or even look around too much. He died. I LOVE IT I LOVE THESE BOOKS SO MUCH BUT I AM TEARING AND CRAWLING OUT OF MY SKIN THEY HURT SO BAD I JUST WANT MY BOYS TO BE HAPPY AND SAFE AGAIN)

(Boys includes: Darren, Harkat, Mr Crepsley. Vancha, Alice and Debbie. Not Steve Leopard. Fuck Steve Leopard. All my homies hate Steve Leopard)

And another thing: now I know about actual science - ‘vampire atoms are wobbly so they don’t show up on cameras’ - that is some of the most shallow pseudo scientific bullshit I’ve seen outside of JoJo’s. I love it. It’s so silly and makes no sense.

[thlayli-ra]

Which 5 fics you've written are your favorites or most proud of?

Ooh! Thank you Anon for slipping into my askbox with a lovely little question. Must admit, this was hard! I'm proud of most of my fics so whittling it down to just five was tricky but here goes;

1. Flint and Steel - I feel like this is the best writing I've ever done. I wrote it back when I had bags of time to edit and re-read what I'd written previously so it's a better coherent story. I love the world-building, the imagery, the harsh but beautiful love story. This is probably still my best work to date and I really hope to finish the series one day and do it justice!

2. Would You Offer Your Throat To The Wolf - This one just feels... special to me. It's the most brutal, graphic and depressing fic that I've written and my first foray into pure horror but was very liberating to write. It also felt like something of an event at the time - I'd been building up towards it here on Tumblr so when I finally posted it, it kinda had its own little following. It's also a fic that has prompted so many incredible comments and feedback from readers, many of which said it inspired their own writing and that is just so cool to me!

3. When We're Alone - Of all my fics, this is probably my own little personal favourite (and one of my least popular 😂). It's a silly, little Underpunk fluff piece set in the Valetverse AU. I just loved writing a hopelessly un-domesticated Punk trying (and failing miserably) to nurse Taker back to health while he was injured. I usually write Punk as very intense and moody so having him in more of a comedy role was a lot of fun (although he's still very moody!)

4. The Moon Rises Red Tonight - My other unloved little baby! It's a close second for my personal favourite fic. It's utter self-indulgence - I wanted all four of my faves to fuck! That's it! That's the premise! But, because it's me, and I'm god-awful at writing smut, it somehow turned into a porn with plot fic, focusing in on politics, corruption, and trauma, whilst also being rather light-hearted and wholesome. And filthy too! It's a weird bag! I adore the au, I adore all the flawed characters and their self-discovery throughout and I want to draw and write more for it in the future.

5. The Chain - Sometimes, a moment sticks in your head and magic happens. That Smackdown where Drew carried a bloody Punk to the ramp and dumped his carcass for all of his hometown to see was....... [local dogs start barking]. I had to write something for it! Originally it was going to be another headcanon essay talking about a motif I'd used in several fics of Punk and AJ being connected by a chain with hooks embedded in their chests when it dawned on my to actually write a fic about it, resulting in this twisted soulmate au. To me, it's a perfect little fic, a beautiful gemstone in my collection and I'm very proud of it.

[Honourary Mention - Yes, I'm cheating here but I couldn't not mention my most popular fic The Valets of WWE. Despite it easily being my worst in terms of writing prowess, it's a huge personal achievement for me. It had a massive cast and was heavily influenced by reader requests and input so I had to think on my feet for every chapter and change things up on the fly sometimes. I also had to write for characters I didn't know very well during an era that I admittedly didn't really watch (no, I'd never seen any Legacy or Social Outcasts footage until writing this fic!!!) so that was a bit nerve-wracking. But despite the challenges, I managed to create this huge, intricate soap opera, that had so many interlinking storylines and plot threads, that had characters bouncing off each other constantly and even if it reads more like a script than narrative, I'm still very proud of it and I always look forward to returning to the valetverse for more!]

[amethystina]

at my big age, after reading many pieces of work both online and from proper published authors, I promise you I cannot tellthe difference between the quality of 2 chapters. If the story itself is a masterpiece overall, a less than ideal chapter will not change that. And knowing your talent, what you consider less than ideal is something we will eat up and be amazed by nonetheless because it is a product of your brain. It is only normal to be harsh on oneself, but please understand that you need not worry about any harshness from our end, we appreciate you writing for us, await it with great excitement, and we will love whatever you give us. Write however, and whatever you feel is necessary for the plot, pacing be damned because I promise you we will be frothing at the mouth at the chapter regardless of what you choose to do. Please don't be so critical of yourself💗 And please take care of yourself. Remember to eat and drink water and smile everyday💗

A part of me knows that, but another just feels so nervous, I guess? Because I've been getting comments saying that the story is beginning to drag or that it's not very exciting anymore and I know a chapter like this probably won't help. Granted that those people are still a minority but, sometimes, it feels like I'm just waiting for the chapter that will make people lose interest in the fic. Or the chapter that validates their claims, I guess? Which I know is silly because, again — they're a very small group and it's impossible to please everyone — but our brains don't always listen to reason.

And, admittedly, none of this is helped by my overall mental state right now, which isn't the best xD (but could also be worse, to be fair)

That said, I'm still going to finish the chapter because I know I'm just blowing things out of proportion due to insecurities and perfectionism. It can't be helped if this chapter is a little choppier because we're at a point in the story where there won't be any long, detailed scenes because Ga On and Yo Han aren't talking all that much. And it's better to speed past those days of silence than drag things out just for the sake of what I think would be more appropriate pacing. It would just be boring — not to mention depressing — to draw things out.

And if nothing else, I want to get to what's beyond this chapter. Which means that the sooner I get it over with, the better xD

(But I admit I'm also kind of high-key struggling with the impulse to write on other Devil Judge things, possibly because I'm deluding myself that those would be easier or quicker. Or maybe a part of me still yearns for the emotional catharsis that would come from writing Yo Han's POV after chapter 39 because I know for a fact that I'd get a good, solid cry out of it (I say as if I cry often when I write — I really don't. It's an incredibly rare occurrence that only happens once in a blue moon. But I would definitely cry while writing that). But I'm going to try and be disciplined and write chapter 41 instead)

Anyway. Thank you so much for the kind message. I'm so grateful for all the love and support you all show me, and I truly hope that I'll be able to get back into updating more frequently sometime soon. Not because I feel pressured or anything like that, but because there's still so much ahead of us and so much story to tell and I just can't wait to share it with you all.

Thank you again and you please take care, too! 💜

[lakesbian]

hm… freaque 📓

📓 A headcanon about their hobbies

yaaay a silly one :) alec like all of the undersiders does not have a lot of time for a rich hobby life but he 'slacks off' by taylor, brian, and lisa standards so he's got a lil more free time than them. he's not very good at picking up new hobbies or learning things because "it's boring" (read: he has depression) but he likes his art and video games and movies. i think when he was a kid he was really into hiding and drawing for hours to pass the time and he made up a bunch of 7 year old typical OCs. they were all really strong and tough and cool and could fly and so on but really terrible things happened to all of them all the time anyway. not a single happy ending in any of those comics.

he stopped drawing as much when he entered The Pussy Mind Palace from ages ten thru thirteen but then tried it again after he joined the undersiders, discovered he still liked it and was still good at it, and decided to branch out into other mediums (particularly graffiti) for fun too. now he's really into drawing extremely cool undersider costume/emblem/base designs he'll never show them. and sketches of things he saw recently that he thought were interesting. he's drawn all of the other undersiders at least once as a "well i'm bored and the costumes are pretty cool i guess" thing. totally draws himself as regent looking all Cool and Badass and Maybe Even Having A Throne. absolutely tried to act all irony poisoned and detached and uninterested when aisha found the entire page in his sketchbook that was just her doing cool stuff as imp but he's not fooling her. she saw that concept drawing of them Posing Badassly with matching costumes. once every like 30 sketchbook pages there's just the most violent gore and/or sex act and/or both at once you've ever seen, which he thinks says absolutely nothing about him. yes he uses reference images to make sure he fully grasps what exploded heads look like.

oh and he loves being like "i am going to draw something ironically, as a joke, and then post it to PHO, also ironically, as a joke, to troll them, as a joke, ironically." and then he spends 5 hours meticulously drawing something that could, if you turn your head 90 degrees, squint, and assume the most conservative mindset humanly possible, theoretically be mildly inflammatory to someone somewhere. and posts it and reads and likes all of the comments complimenting it.

he kinda sucks at video games btw. there's, like, one (1) he's spent enough time on to be good at and he's smug about it but outside of that he's just genuinely not very naturally good at them. his depth perception is fine and everything he's just not very good at concentrating on strategizing for long enough because there's no actual threat to his life to get his brain going. he totally overinflated his perception of how good he is because brian is Even Worse and he won those incompetent v. incompetent matchups like 75% of the time but then he starts playing aisha and just gets his ass handed to him 9/10 times

[voided-selfships]

Favorite scene/storyline with your F/O in canon? Or in your personal canon with them? with Bojack

GRABS BOJACK. YES YOU ASKED ABOUT THE RIGHT GUY /SILLY going off of personal canon. And by personal I mean selfship. True Timeline let's fucking GO!

My favorite scene? Forgive me in this gets long imma be talking about a LOT of different shit because I cannot simply choose ONE

So I'm going by season. Heart emoji

Gods where to start, Our A-Story is a 'D' Story? /silly [we all know it would've been The Telescope but surprisingly Warren veto'd going on that trip. (Unsurprisingly, he missed Herb to death but was not ready to be in a room with both him and BoJack.) I digress.]

Anyway it's my favorite just because of the idea that Warren gets out of bed to see BoJack passed out on the couch before immediately seeing AND hearing news of the D from the Hollywoo(d) sign being stolen???

[That "What- what- what the fuck did you do?"

"What did I do? How do you know you didn't do it?"

"BoJack I was actually sober last night-"

"Sure, sure-"

"And you know I can barely carry half of my weight- how the hell did you do this??"

Anyway, the 90s Trio (BoJack, Mr. Peanutbutter, and Warren) scrambling to get rid of this fucking letter is- this is why it's my favorite. Like comedically??? Yes. Yes. Classic Season 1 Shenanigans.

Season 2? Brand New Couch or The Shot. Brand New Couch...Warren trying his best to be supportive of BoJack's uh....brand new attitude!! Even if its weird- not a bad weird! Just not something he's used to! He tries to be supportive for the entire time BoJack works on Secretariat. [Really I need to draw a comic for Brand New Couch because fuck it's so so good. They make me insane. Moving on.]

Season 3? Not even a Question. Episodes 9-12. I don't even wanna ELABORATE. [Warren trying to console BoJack after the conversation he has with Todd only to be kicked out. Getting the news about Sarah Lynn's death and wondering what he could've done differently. Wondering if he could've been there to prevent it. Knowing that to an extent it was BoJack's fault but not understanding the full story- in the end just wanting and needing to be there for him]

Season 4....The Old Sugarman Place. It's already my favorite episode but in Lore Context? Warren goes with BoJack to his family's lake house- which opens the flood gates to a lot more...person bonding. Which they really hadn't done before. Stories about BoJack's family that Warren only heard snippets of- now more in full, a deeper insight into his friend [crush?] They kiss this episode [and it's a lot more meaningful than any other time. They did it just to do it- not as a lead up to sex] Then of course this season has his mom moving in which was. So so so fun. [And Hollyhock! Warren had a feeling that wasn't his kid but didn't want to say anything. Otherwise enjoyed spending time around her- gave him that weird domestic feeling he oftentime tries to ignore when he's around BoJack for too long]

Season 5... they get together in season five. Free Churro has to be my favorite. If only because they don't go to the funeral together, so what ends up happening is Warren ends up in the right room and after a solid 15 minutes has to scour the entire place to look for BoJack. [He does miss a good chuck of his speech finds him halfway through just to listen instead of telling him it was the wrong place. And Beatrice's funeral was so so empty, no one was there aside from BoJack and him]

Season 6. What episode ISN'T my favorite lmao. I guess I can talk about whenever BoJack gets back- so The Face of Depression? I guess lore wise it's important. When BoJack gets back Warren is startled but not upset- goes with him [not by choice] on his trip around the country. It's mostly fine. They have a fight about...a lot of things later in the season [I wanna say...episodes 11 and 12.] Break off- not up! Just off. Don't hear from eachother again until Angela and The View From Halfway Down. Then don't see eachother again until Nice While It Lasted. [Which!!! All my favorite favorite episodes by the way! Fuck!! /pos]

I just realized I started talking about lore instead of my favorite scenes so whoops fjebdjdjd I'm just so passionate [insane and mentally unwell] about them

[i-me-mine]

As time goes by | Chapter 3: Flying away

Pairings: Eddie Munson x fem!reader

Word Count: 3.3k

Masterlist | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter | AO3

You fell asleep easily with Eddie running his fingers through your hair. You both decided to sleep in until someone or something forces you two out of bed, and as you had a hard time being away from Eddie that week, you would not miss a second of the time you had with him.

Eddie wakes up first, blinking into the late morning light. It takes a moment for him to remember everything that happened. Then he looks down and sees you draped across his chest, still sounding asleep and slightly drooling on him. He takes a deep breath and admires you, wondering if you are dreaming and what your dreams would be about, while he gently draws abstract lines in your arm.

“Rise and shine, sweetheart...” he says in his raspy, sleep-ridden voice when he sees you yawning. 

“I don’t want to wake up, Eds.” you mutter.

“Why not? Don’t you wanna go out to enjoy your weekend?” he says with a quiet laugh.

“No, I’m perfectly happy here. I love sleeping. My life tends to fall apart when I’m awake, you know?” 

He kisses your forehead before replying, “I know, mine too… five more minutes, then?” You shake your head, agreeing with it.

After a while, you feel him gently pushing you while he gets up. “Lemme prepare breakfast; you can stay here if you want.”

You decide to go to the bathroom and give a good look at yourself in the mirror while washing your face. Your hair is messy, and you still have dark circles in your eyes, but you feel happy. You can’t help but daydream that if Eddie was your boyfriend, things could be very different. You touch your lips and your neck, imagining how it would be if Eddie kissed them… and you are brought back when he suddenly knocks on the door and asks, “Are you ok, sweetheart?” - “I’m ok.”

You sit and watch him humming while making scrambled eggs, and you notice the change in his eyebrows as he concentrates, trying not to put fire in the kitchen. He can only cook basic dishes and usually avoids cooking as much as he can, but as you usually cook for him and Wayne, he is always happy to try to return the favor. 

“Look, I’m sorry. I know I fucked up everything, and I’m so very sorry.”, he said while putting the plates with the eggs on the table. 

“The eggs look perfectly fine, Eds. Anyway, I’m hungry, so I’m sure they will taste delicious even if they are not.” you say with a smile, which he has not reciprocated. 

“I’m not talking about the eggs; I’m talking about us. This was the worst week ever, and I’m the one to blame. Shit, I was an asshole, and you have every right to hate me.” he says in a mix of sadness and anger while eating. 

“I don’t hate you, I don’t think I ever will, but you hurt me, Eds. Your words last week, the lack of words after that. I felt ignored and rejected so many times. How could you do that?” 

His eyes were filled with guilty “I don’t know, I’m such an idiot; I have been all moody and depressed because of this. No one could stand staying next to me, even Wayne. I wanted to apologize, I just didn’t know how to undo the mess I made.”  

“Talk to me the next time. Let’s try to figure things out together.” 

He quickly replies, “There will be no next time. I won’t do this to you again.” 

“You are missing the point.”, you sigh.

“I’m not, I got it.. we will talk, whatever happens. I won’t shut you out anymore, I promise. And I’ll do whatever is needed to compensate you for what I’ve done.”

“You can start washing the dishes for me.” you say, smiling. 

Usually, when one of you cooks, the other cleans everything, so you just want to push this additional chore to him. It was silly, but you hoped this would make him smile and remove that worried expression from his face. It works.

“Your wish is my command, m’lady.” he says, taking the dishes to the sink to wash. 

You keep looking at this back, the curls of his hair. It reminds you of the many times he turned his back on you during the last week… but now it was different. You were slowly going back to your old ways. 

“I was afraid that you had forgotten about me.” You said in a low voice. It was easier to admit this now that you were not looking at his eyes. 

“It’s hard to forget when there is such an empty space when you are gone.”

You both went silent for a moment. Then, you let his words get inside you - because they translate so well how you felt. “I missed you, Eds.”

“Me too, sweetheart. I’m glad to have my best friend back, and I’ll never do anything that can put our friendship at risk again, ever.”, he says, smiling at you. 

You smile back, but a part of you finally realizes that you are developing a crush on Eddie, and this response kills you. Best friend. No way he would risk it. He would not love you back or give you a chance. And there is nothing you can do.

As none of you had plans for that Saturday, you decided to spend the day at your spot in the woods. As your father had already left for the day, and this time left the door unlocked, you went back home to change your clothes. Before leaving, you break the door’s chain in a moment of anger. He will not lock you out of your own home again. 

Eddie is already drinking one of the beers he brought, throwing you one when you finally arrive. You both start singing and drinking simultaneously, and you laugh a bit seeing Eddie playing air guitar. Eddie was waiting for the alcohol to kick in to finally ask you, “Wanna talk about yesterday?”

Alcohol does help you loosen your tongue, and you tell him about the fight with your father and how you could not enter home. Eddie knew that your father was abusive and was always sad that he could not think of anything better to save you from him, but he was heartbroken to hear how he left you outside in the rain on purpose. He felt that you didn’t want to go back home, not that you could not go. 

This kept Eddie, for a moment, wondering if you really wanted to stay with him or if you just did it because you had nowhere else to go. But as you were still there and opening your heart to him, he decided to assume the best. He meant it when he said that he would not do anything that could upset you and put your friendship at risk. 

You then started speaking about the significant failure that was your date with Ben. Finally, you explained in detail what happened and admitted that he probably rejected you because he thought you were uninteresting.  

“He is wrong about that.” He says, and a chuckle leaves your lips as you sniffle quietly. “I’m serious, sweetheart.”

“What if he’s not, though?” this is a constant doubt in your mind. There is not much that you can offer the world, not much you have done. You are afraid you will never be more than just another simple girl from the trailer park stuck there forever, never accomplishing anything.  

“You are the most interesting girl I’ve ever known; we’ve done a lot together; you are smart, kind…” but you interrupt him. “But it was easy for you to stop talking to me; it made no difference in your life.” 

“It did. I missed you terribly; I just couldn’t write anything, no new songs, no new ideas for the campaign, and I couldn’t even concentrate enough to read… listening to music helped a bit, but it still reminded me about you all the time.” 

“If that’s so, why didn’t you speak with me, Eds? I don’t get it.” 

“Because I was unsure what to say, how I would react, how you would react. Damn, I was afraid it would seem like I was jealous.” He said.

“Why would it?”

“Because I was.” He rambles to himself before taking another sip of beer.

That answer warms your heart. But, of course, you know it does not mean what you would like to, but inside your head you are free to dream as much as you like, and that’s enough for now, so you let your thoughts go wild while lying there, drinking.

Eddie is leaning heavily on his elbow, resting his cheek against his hand. “Penny for your thoughts?” he asks, and you know that you can’t answer that truthfully, and if you lie, he will notice. 

“You don’t want to know.” you said. 

“Humor me…”

So you give a quick smile when formulating an answer containing the right amount of truth but that it’s still safe. “I wanna kiss you on your cheeks but I also want to punch your teeth.” 

“Fair enough; I think I did a decent amount of things to deserve both. But If you ask me, I would choose the kiss any day.” He said.

You then turn and kiss him on the cheek. He is startled as he did not expect that. Your lips were cold from the beer, and as soon as they touched his cheek, he felt like he was on fire and hoped that you hadn’t noticed and that he was not blushing.

“Let’s forget about the punch part, shall we?” You both laughed. 

Eddie was now on his back, loose hair floating around his head like a halo. His eyes are closed, so you think it is safe to look at him without getting caught. While you trace each curl of his hair, you think about how he makes you feel happy, appreciated, loved, and seen. 

You don’t have to be perfect or even try to be perfect when you are with him. He already knows your secrets, the things you keep hidden from everyone else, so you can just be yourself. Ok, now there is the tiny secret of you falling in love with him. 

Eddie is with his eyes closed, but he knows you are looking at him. He can picture your adorable little smile in his mind and thinks about how much he missed spending time with you and how important you are to him. 

He loves every day when you meet in the morning before walking to class in school. He loves when you scrunch your nose when you’re overthinking. He loves the sound of your laugh when he tells you a silly joke, even when it’s not that funny. He loves how you know how to calm him when he is anxious, which happens very often. He loves how you always welcome him with open arms whenever he needs it. You never saw him as the town freak, just as his friend. He couldn’t stop thinking how lucky he was to have found you. 

That was one of the moments that are so perfect that you almost feel sad because nothing will be this good again.

“Fly on your way like an eagle, fly as high as the sun…” you started singing, and Eddie followed along. He then asked, “Have you ever wanted to fly away from here?”

You chuckled. You dreamed of getting out of Hawkins, and hopefully, this would come true once you finish High School, but it would still take a while for that to happen. “I used to think about one day just not telling anyone and going off to some random place and disappearing.”. 

“What about me? Would you leave without saying goodbye to me? That hurts.” He said while mimicking someone stabbing him through the heart. 

“Of course not; you would be the one driving,” you replied, laughing. “But what about you? What if you could run away and leave it all behind?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. I would love to start a new life somewhere, but I don’t know how I would do it. I’m hardly getting out of high school. Maybe I could try to work in a bar, play at night, get discovered, and finally become a rock star…”. The truth is that Eddie has almost no plans for the future. 

“That’s it. We’ll fly away from here together.” Your reply makes his face lights up. 

“Promise me?” 

“You have my word.” 

You then see his expression shift, the tip of his tongue coming out, just like when he is creating a wild idea for the Dnd campaign or something. “Eddie, what’s wrong?”

“You are sure about this, right? I know that it will sound crazy… but would you be willing to make this permanent?”

You are not sure if you understand what he is trying to say. “I don’t get it, Eds.” 

“I’m talking about matching tattoos, sweetheart. So we won’t forget. Pure commitment.” You know that Eddie has other tattoos, and you always thought it was sexy but never mentioned it to him and always wanted to get one, so you ask the crucial question: “How?”

“Well, I would have to ask around for a favor or two… and this would not be exactly the first illegal thing we do… but are you up for it? It would be wicked if you could draw it.” 

“But what exactly do you want to tattoo?” 

“Bats. Flying bats. An eagle flying would be great, but nothing as metal as a bat. The perfect representation of us flying away from here. What do you think?” 

“I love it! Let’s do it!” 

“Hell yeah!” he yelled, excited, hugging and spinning you around. “We need to go back; I have some people to contact to make this work…” 

“No rush, Eds! We have a lot of time…” you tried to calm him down. “No way, it will be a promise inked in our skin… and I want to do it as soon as we can!” 

Later that day, you heard Eddie knocking on your window. So you open it saying, “You could have come to my door, you know?” 

“Yes, but I’m in a hurry. Get the drawing ready; meet me at 10 am tomorrow; we are getting some new tats!” He rushed out before you could say anything else. 

You had a night without dreams and woke up anxious. You always wanted to get tattoos, but the fact that it was his idea, that he wanted to do it with you, made it even better. 

Eddie was already waiting for you outside the trailer, and saying he was excited would be an understatement. It was a short walk to Adams street, where Eddie knocked three times at a basement door of a large house. Finally, a bald man opened the door and greeted him, “Hey man, nice to see you, come in.”

Once inside, you looked around and saw the desk with the tattoo machine and the inks, and the chair where you imagined that you would soon be to get your tattoo. “Hey, I’m Chad; nice to meet you! Eddie told me that you have the drawing of what you want.”

“Nice to meet you too”, you reply shyly, handing over the draw to him. It’s a cloud of bats, six of them to be more precise, with slightly different sizes and wing positions. 

“It looks so cool. And it’s not that big, not many details… it will take a bit more time to do the fillings, but that’s ok. Who wants to go first?”

“I’ll go, so she can see how it’s done. Maybe it will ease her concerns… she will have time to change her mind too.” Eddie said. 

You give him a smile of thank you. Then, you see him showing Chad the space where he would like the tattoo, right below his right arm’s elbow, and observe the draw comes to life in his skin.

And quicker than you thought, it’s over. Chad turns to you and asks softly, “I suppose this is your first tattoo, right?” You nod. 

“Do you want something to drink?” 

“Is beer an option?” you try your luck - maybe it would help you feel less pain or worry. 

“Sorry, as much as I’m a fan of it, alcohol can make the tattooing process trickier for me and can worsen your healing too.”

“Nothing then, thank you.” you reply, a little disappointed, wondering if you would run out of courage to do it if you were sober. 

“Show me where you want your tattoo.” 

You show him the space in your back shoulder - you always wanted a tattoo there, where you could show or hide it as you wish, depending on what you wear. And that you can still see when looking back in the mirror. “Ok, let’s do it.” 

Eddie sits right in front of you, holding your hands, drawing circles on the top of them with his thumbs. “I’m right here, you can squeeze my hand if it hurts. If you want to stop, just say the word, and we are out of here.” 

You nod, and the buzzing begins. You take a deep breath, close your eyes for a moment and then look right into Eddie’s eyes. He is still smiling so beautifully that your heart feels like it would swell up and burst through your chest. So you brace yourself for the pain, but the sensation of the needle pricking into your skin does not hurt as much as you thought it would, and you are able to hold on until Chad finishes, with the help of Eddie, who did his best to talk to you to keep you distracted. 

You are back in Eddie’s bedroom, both admiring your matching tattoos in the mirror. He then asks you to sit in his bed, gets a bottle of something you cannot identify, and starts to rub it in your tattoo as gently as he can. 

“They say this healing ointment will help your tattoo heal faster and better. Not sure if it really works, but I’m up to anything that can make this easier for you” You don’t know if it’s because he is touching you or because your skin is still sensitive, but you feel the blood pulsing hot and fast through your veins. 

“Thank you, Eds… I know you have done this other times, so nothing new for you… but it was a truly great experience for me.” you murmur. 

“Sweetheart, doing this with you was probably one of the greatest moments of my life. And I have it on my skin now to prove it and to never forget. Best friends with fucking metal flying bats matching tattoos. How cool is that? He replies excitedly, and you mirror his wide smile. 

You then decide to play the part of the pining best friend. You want Eddie, you are sure of this now… but you need him more, and just the thought of losing him due to ruining your friendship by making a move was enough to break your heart. You would never mock Jonathan again; now you understand him and why he is still friends with Nancy.

You will learn to suffer through this unrequited crush. You will love him in silence - this way, there is no rejection. It’s easier to fantasize that he loves you back if you only keep this in your mind and heart. And there, no one owns Eddie but you.

Read Next Chapter

Notes: As English is not my first language, and this had no proofreading, there may be minor mistakes; feel free to highlight any of them in the comments so I can adjust - Feedback is always appreciated too! I hope you are liking the story so far!

@sidthedollface2 @bimbobaggins69 @roxy9295

[ko2vo]

Happy pride month everyone!

I am one year post-op from my top surgery as of May 18th and I figured I'd post an update for anyone curious (the one from my 6 weeks post-op is here):

It's all healed quite nice! Very happy and very hairy lol the scarred area is numb, I'm generally a ticklish person but that whole area is a similar sensation to getting freezing done for dental work. Nipples also without sensation for the most part; my left nip is kind of tender and bruiselike in feeling when a moderate amount of pressure is applied.

At the beginning of healing, I was having some ingrown chest hair but that's mostly settled. When I stretch, I can feel my "seams" and where the skin was stitched together pulling.

Which I actually wanna highlight a bit - during your first 1-3 months post-op, you're advised to be minimal on movement and heal, even if you are technically cleared to go back to normal activity. I had to go back to work, which was a very manual job. For some reason, I took a lot of care to not overuse my dominant right side:

As a result, the scar is very thin and pale on that side. However, I began to use my left side a lot and one day, I felt something pop I guess you could say:

The pink-red streak is where my scar was stretched on my left side during healing. I don't care too much but something to keep in mind! There is a lot of discussion about how scars will stretch if you don't take it easy while healing but not a ton of visuals so I wanted to show what happened to me (if you stretch more, the larger and darker your scar will become).

This overuse of my left side might also be the reason my left nip can't handle pressure. It is what it is!

But yes! Overall, very happy! It was a busy busy year for me and getting surgery really helped me live more freely. I got a better job, I began to volunteer, I just moved to a new city and I am beginning my Masters this fall - there's a lot I was able to do this year that I had wanted to do earlier but couldn't, due to the double whammy of dysphoria-depression and physical exhaustion from binding so much.

It's a scary time to be trans. Politics are real bad right now. I want to do more as a trans person and trans artist. I'd been shy about being queer and proud in the past but I think it's becoming more important to me to be an advocate and inform others in whatever small ways I am able to. Even if it's just drawing silly comics or sharing my life.

Thank you for reading!

[cheap-jumpscare]

Welcome to Uta's blog population like 2.

helooo I'm Uta or several other names. I go by it/void and many other prns. check my prns.page >here< !!

read this very important thing written by my meowtual please, thanx :D

a lot more detailed info under the cutt ~

DISCLAIMERS ABT ME / BYF ;;

I say slurs (only those I can reclaim!)

I rarely am ever serious!

I can be very sensitive to rejection!

I'm very apathetic in regards to other people; I wish I wasn't!

I can be very harsh or rude on accident!

im basicallt INCAPABLE of processing if/when a joke is taken too far!! :(

Pls tell me if I fuck up i will not know :(

BASIC INFO ;;

diagnosed and medicated ADHD, peer-reviewed as "def autistic" by my autistic little sister and older brother, depression (or at least some of the symptoms)

divorced parents, adopted at birth!

in general there is something fundamentally wrong/silly abt me

i LOVE homestuck, hiveswap, ddlc, genshin, hsr, crk, cats, borzois, drawing, singing, gacha, voice acting, animation, rain world, etc. (hyperfixations r bold and italic like this!!)

i like spiritual stuff (shifting realities, subliminals, etc) and i may reblog stuff like that sometimes <3

i have a bf!!!! NOT ANYMORE /silly

my fav color; tie between red, black, n white. pink n yellow are very close shared-second places

im here to be gay and shitpost man

OTHER SOCIALS ;;

spacehey - cheapjumpscare noplace - hiveswap pesterchum - hollowClown spotify - uta ౨ৎ ⋆｡˚ tiktok - qualia.automata

DNIS . . .

thin ice ;

anti-endos / don't believe in endo systems, but don't harass or fakeclaim people abt it (i have friends who are endo and they are very cool!!!!!)

post abt politics Regularly (stresses me tf out)

post abt religion christianity at ALL

if you were that one person who told me I was silencing asians by having a cute/pink/"kawaii" aesthetic blog on tumblr in like 2020. yes that was the actual reason. im being so forreal. /silly but also /gen on this being something that actually happened

DNFI (do not fcking interact) ;

anti-endos / don't believe in endo systems, and DO harass or fakeclaim people abt it

pro-contact / anti-recovery towards paraphilias

nsfw/kink/18+ centered blogs (i am a minor :/)

pro-harassment/anti-anti-harassment

doxx people or support those who do

believe/participate in cringe culture

pro 🇮🇱 or otherwise not pro 🇵🇸 (its a genocide mf)

^ post pictures of gore n dead kids in relation to the genoc¡de w/o tagging, censoring, or warning ANYYY of it (the reason i left twt)

im on your dni (respect your own gd dni)

RANDOM ASSORTED NONSENSE I THOUGHT WAS FUN !! ;;

my true zodiac is Pittarius !! [homestuck]

probably a

i tend to fixate on characters/whatever so hard i either Want to be them, believe i Am them, or both.

^ speaking of, at the bottom of this post is a list of stuff am that way about

^^ i should add here that the personality assigned doesnt contribute to this (though it certainly helps if i can go "THEY JUS LIKE ME FRR") i just. fixate so hard i go "mm i should be [whatever]" or "i mustve been [whatever] in a past life :D"

^^^ i am, most of the time, not under one of these episodes (idrk what else to call them but im not distressed rlly so shrug)

i barely ever remember to categorize things but i will remember for this blog i promise

ORGANIZATIONAL TAGS ;;

#shut up uta! - yapping. rambling even. general Posts tag. #definitely not stolen! - reblogs !~ #uta time travels (again!) - queue'd posts.. mostly going to be whatever im currently horrifically nuclear levels of autistic abt #uta; nobody needs to know this - TMI posts; complaining abt periods, personal life, etc. etc. etc. it can and will get weird here #uta hears voices part ??? - askbox....... #uta pls shut up fr this time - LIVEBLOGGING ~ #(not) uta; [ANY-CHARACTER-NAME-HERE] - for when i am Fixating So Hard On A Character That I /Gen Believe I AM Them. Temporary. pls humor me/play along /gen. #uta's sprites - Sometimes I post homestuck / hiveswap sprites! this is the tag for that :3

Characters / Things Uta sometimes IS (not exhaustive) ;;

italicized = more current / more likely to be this than not | bold = even more current | italicized & bold = almost always this

PROJECT SEKAI ; Minori Hanasato, Airi Momoi, Emu Otori, Kanade Yoisaki, Mafuyu Asahina, Ena Shinonome, Mizuki Akiyama VOCALOID / VOCAL SYNTH ; Xi Yi, Hatsune Miku GHOST & PALS ; Tamari [RECKLESS BATTERY BURNS], Say [CHATTERING LACK OF COMMON SENSE], Cakey [APPETITE OF A PEOPLE PLEASER], Teto [PATHOLOGICAL FASCADE] HIVESWAP & HOMESTUCK ; Charun Krojib, Dave Strider / Davesprite, Jade Harley, Karako Pierot, Meulin Leijon, Nepeta Leijon, Tyzias Entykk GENSHIN ; Collei, Fischl, Furina, Hu Tao, Kirara, Lumine, Qiqi, Xingqiu, Yae Miko, Yoimiya COOKIE RUN ; Peach Blossom, Caramel Choux, Linzer, Mozzarella, Affogato, Strawberry Crepe, Cream Puff, Kumiho, Espresso, Vampire, Stardust, Black Pearl, Whipped Cream, Roquefort, Butter Pretzel, Scorpion, Bellflower, Sour Belt, Crowberry, Pizza, Black Garlic, Coffee Candy, Baguette, Gim, S'more, Strawberry Cream, Astronaut, Starch Noodle, Strawberry Stick, Lotus Dragon, Lychee Dragon, Sugar Swan POKEMON [SPECIES] ; Absol [MEGA], Bewear, Blacephalon, Breloom, Carbink, Chatot, Cramorant, Cursola, Darkrai, Dedenne, Delcatty, Delphox, Eevee, Furfrou, Furret [SHINY], Galvantula, Glaceon, Hatterene, Iron Valiant, Jirachi, Kommo-o, Leavanny, Lucario, Lurantis [TOTEM], Luxray, Lycanroc, Maractus, Mareanie, Meowscarada [SHINY], Mew, Milotic, Mimikyu, Mismagius, Mudkip, Nihilego, Pheromosa, Pyukumuku, Raichu [ALOLAN], Rayquaza [SHINY], Sandslash [ALOLAN], Scoliopede, Scorbunny, Serperior, Shaymin, Smoliv, Sneasler, Solgaleo, Sylveon, Tapu Lele, Thievul, Tinkaton, Torracat, Tsareena, Vaporeon, Wooper, Wynaut, Xerneas, Zoroark [SHINY] POKEMON [HUMANS] ; Justy [JELLOAPOCALYPSE DOGS IN LOVE], N, Ingo, Emmet, Roxie, Clemont, Lisia, Lillie, Ilima, Mallow, Acerola, Marnie, Allister, Klara, Sabi, Florian, Penny, Iono, Rika, Ortega, Kieran, Lacey MISC ; wip.... sorrgy :(

Uta's Glorified Kinlist [IN THE KINNIE WAY] ;;

CHARACTERS ; Kanade Yoisaki, Mafuyu Asahina, Ena Shinonome, Mizuki Akiyama, Charun Krojib, Dave Strider, Fischl, Yoimiya, Strawberry Crepe Cookie, Espresso Cookie, Sprigatito, Ingo, Emmet, Iono, March 7th SONGS ; Born2Run [PENELOPE SCOTT], Hammerhead [PENELOPE SCOTT], Sweet Hibiscus Tea [PENELOPE SCOTT], Baxter Ward is Under Fucking Siege [PENELOPE SCOTT], anarchy [EGG], Digital Girl [KIRA], Nobody [MITSKI], Gay Jokes [RIO ROMEO], Mirror Man [JACK STAUBER]

[atlas-library]

Thank you so much for your reply💞💞 I'm the anon that asked about if toge talked or not during silly time® I loved the answer so much thank you💞💞

If it's ok for me to ask, I also have another question!! A while back you wrote about how you think he would sometimes "go cold" on other people (and I think it was mentioned in the nsfw alphabet too). Are those depressive/manic episodes? What goes on inside his head when he does that? Is it something that is triggered? Does he even realize he is being cold to other people?

(also, sorry for not replying sooner🙏🙏)

note (after i FINALLY finished writing this post) : GUESS WHO FINALLY FINISHED WRITING THIS!!!! this is probably all over the place, i'm so sorry, but honestly this is taking me so long and driving me crazy so at this point!!! i shall blabber about specific points in other posts rather than trying to keep everything in this one. Enjoy!! :D

making my night once again, anon 😔​💗​ literally never apologise for "not replying sooner", you could have literally never replied and it would have been okay, don't worry you don't have to feel obligated to do anything 💗💗💗

and i'm so glad you're asking this question omg 👁️ i've had this on the back of my mind (and in discord convos) for a while now, i guess it's time to talk about it a bit more 😔✨

listening to nda while writing this because the bass gets to me

okay so, quick disclaimer, i'm not a doctor 👁️👄​👁️ i read articles from google and try to find testimonies from people, but 👁️👄​👁️ which is why, if i say some wrong shit, please correct me, like, genuinely 👁️👄​👁️

cw. inumakis are sketchy, scarification mentioned, child abuse/neglect too, mental health ohgodbuckleup, personality disorders (from cluster b), aspd + bpd mentioned, toge seeks some thrill by jumping off buildings and bridges so that's nice 👁️👄​👁️ ig we can say that's some suicidal ideation/attempt there 👁️👄​👁️

Okay so, we need some background info before we dive in Toge's mind and mental state.

The Inumakis are very secretive, seen as a cult (something that's honestly kinda "wild" in the Jujutsu world because... wym we're kinda a cult but we got this big secretive cult that's more of a cult than us......), and they're basically naturally ominous even when they don't try anything.

The first thing you notice when you see an Inumaki, if they're an Inumaki by blood, is the markings on their cheeks. I personally don't hc them as tattoos, but as burn marks (which then had purple ink rubbed into the wounds) : the Inumakis use scarification as a way of identifying their clan members. Still, it's very specific: you need to be an Inumaki by blood. But your blood is only recognised as Inumaki if your mother is a "pure" Inumaki. (For clarity purposes, we'll use the word "pure" to describe Inumakis by blood).

Toge's father is an outsider who married his mother, a pure Inumaki. Despite his father being an outsider, this makes Toge a pure Inumaki. Toge has a cousin, his uncle's daughter, who doesn't have the markings because his uncle married an impure Inumaki.

INUMAKIS WITH CHEEK MARKINGS

Kanon (Toge's mother)

Kanon's brother (Toge's uncle)

Toge

INUMAKIS WITHOUT CHEEK MARKINGS

Toge's father

The wife of Toge's uncle (Toge's aunt)

Shion (Toge's cousin)

You can also get markings on your tongue, but it only happens if you have the cursed speech. Even then, there are different levels of cursed speech: so far, Toge's cursed speech is the most powerful in the clan. Thus how he got his tongue marking (made by burning as well) at a young age, before he even turned five.

I like to hc his mother, Kanon, also has cursed speech, albeit a lighter version that didn't draw attention and thus let her avoid the branding on her tongue. The more emotional she gets, though, the more powerful it gets (it "leaks"). Gojo experienced it first-hand, although only for a simple command ("Stop").

Toge's mother is, with her husband, the head of the clan. This actually doesn't mean much, Inumakis are very individualistic when it comes to the outside world, but they're very close with their own. They have this entire "us vs them" mentality, something that also leaks out of Toge whenever someone criticises the ways of his family (Maki does it the most). He regrets it instantly whenever it happens, mostly because he disagrees with most of his clan's customs and traditions... it's just his first instinct to separate himself from the person criticising them.

Toge's mother being the head of the clan simply means she's the clan's spokesperson whenever politics are involved; she also gets the final word during meetings, but it doesn't often reach this point. It did for Toge when his cursed speech got dangerous though (when he was barely two years old), and she basically forced the rest of the clan to let Toge stay with them.

(I know I'm talking about his mom a lot but she's very important. 😔)

🍙 small breather 🍙

Kanon, Toge's mother, is pretty much the roots of Toge's mental state. He's a carbon copy of her, physically but also psychologically: they're both strong-minded, resilient, kind and smart— But they're also control-freaks.

Kanon always had Toge glued to her hip, and even though she didn't mind him befriending Shion, his cousin, she clearly only let it happen because it made Toge happy. Kanon loves Toge more than she's loved anyone else— She loves him more than she loves her husband, by a large margin. Toge deserves the best because Toge can do no wrong— He can, actually, but she doesn't care. He's her son, and she'll love him till her last breath of life. When the accident happened and Toge got sent to the school, Kanon's mind broke a little, and she lost some of the control she had over herself during all these years— She became quiet and docile, weak, always hiding in her husband's shadow. Gojo met her that way, even though he knew better than to mess with her.

Kanon's and Toge's minds are so similar it's scary. The only big difference between them is: Kanon learnt how to deal with her chaotic outbursts and recklessness. Meanwhile Toge never learnt any coping mechanism— Mostly because Kanon didn't want to admit he was that similar to her. Thus, the adrenaline Toge is constantly seeking, the reckless behaviour, and the cold shoulders.

Now, regarding your questions about Toge "going cold".

Okay, so, again: I'm not an expert. But, I personally hc Toge has having antisocial personality disorder with comorbid borderline personality disorder... which is basically a ride, and at first glance looks like the literal embodiement of "you go from 0 to 100".

Okay so, this part is going to be a bit messy because the point right now isn't to write a whole essay about how or why Toge would have these PDs, nor to check every box for him to "qualify" as having these PDs; I guess we can call it "random facts that tie in with your questions", in a way. Idk, it's gonna be messy.

Toge has little to no emotional empathy. Let's start off by saying empathy =/= good person, so if you disagree please do some research and if you still haven't changed your mind, do some more research. <3

When I say Toge has little to no emotional empathy, it basically means that he pretty much... doesn't care about people. On an emotional level, at least. For example: Maki could cry and he wouldn't feel anything, perhaps mid-annoyance because her sniffles are too loud (if it were Yuuta, it'd be pretty because Yuuta genuinely looks pretty when he cries. Still though, the sniffles are annoying).

What Toge has instead is cognitive empathy. He may not think you losing your grandma in a traumatic accident is sad to the point of tears, but he's able to understand why anyone would cry at that, and he respects it and even offers you a shoulder to cry on. It actually makes him The friend when you need to vent or cry about something: he won't get emotionally involved, at least not like people with regular emotional empathy do, but he'll still listen (because he's a great listener) and basically ask you what you need most: for him to share your emotional outburst, for him to go on like nothing happened, or for him to hype you up without any of your previous outburst lingering in the room. Since he has little to no emotional tie to most things, it makes it easier for him to adapt to what you need, especially since he won't feel any guilt for not crying with you about your dead fish.

It can definitely make him sound a bit "callous" at times, or make him look like he doesn't care (he does, but in a very neutral, dare I say "monotonous" way)— But he does make sure you're feeling okay. He just doesn't necessarily share your feelings towards most things, or if he does it's really toned down, even for simple things such as joy (but again, it doesn't mean he's emotionless or dislikes you in any way).

Toge is addicted to adrenaline. Part of it is because he needs to feel. Part of it is also because he's used to sacrificing himself (more on that later). And part of it is because he loves the adrenaline rushing in his veins and numbing him from anything.

I've talked about it before, but Toge's a passionate soul, someone who gives endlessly and expects nothing in return— That's just how he is. His curse prevents him from talking, gives him one less way of sharing. And it's frustrating. All of this also ties with his own trauma, the neglect he faced when he was still at the Inumaki compound, of course— But he also seeks danger to cope.

Gojo's often found him on top of a building, or on a bridge, not always jumping but always looking down. Always playing some balance game— A dangerous game Gojo wouldn't even dare call an edgy prank. Toge doesn't think when there's danger, or maybe he does— He thinks about the best course of action, how to protect everyone but him. He's not part of the equation. Not only because he's extremely selfless; also because his only selfishness is putting himself in harm's way.

Toge thinks very little of his life. This entire thread so far doesn't include any significant other (other than canon characters) Toge would have, not because I don't want one included but because it's about his behaviour in general; but I think it's worth mentioning the people who hold Toge dear, whether it's romantically or not.

Toge is too selfless to live, but also too selfless to die. His only selfishness is caused by the adrenaline rushes he seeks.

Toge's a weapon. He's a thorn, an inconvenience, a dead weight people have to endure; he bleeds and makes people bleed, he's the flame that burns moths in the dead of the night. Of course he's helped people before, it's hard to live a life without helping at least one person, whether it's saving them from a collapsing building or helping them cross the street. Still.

Toge can't love, Toge can't allow himself to love. Last time he did, Gojo took him away.

Toge feels, Toge loves, Toge has only known obsession and destruction, yet he takes care of people like he takes care of the school's garden: gently. It's ironic that he's unable to do the same for himself.

He lacks empathy, he doesn't lack feelings but lacks the skills of expressing them, he lacks a stable mind that would make him happy or sad all day instead of happy-sad-sad-sad-happy-happy-sad-happy-happy— His way of showing he cares is by giving, but what else is there to give once you've run out of silly words, run out of gestures, run out of money? His life. So he pushes people away when there's a fight, yells to run, and only when everyone he cares for is safe or gone does he part his lips to bleed enemies: "Die," he spits out, similar to a snake sinking its fangs into its prey. No one needs to fear him, no one needs to see how ruthless he can be— So he gives his life, buys time, hopes that everyone will turn their back on him.

Toge sometimes has "lows" and "highs". What does that mean? From Maki's point of view, that he goes from 0 to 100 very fast. That he's hot and cold. Then again, she wouldn't be (entirely) wrong.

No one knows what triggers a low or a high; Gojo has an idea of the type of situations that would trigger it, but nothing precise. Yuuta doesn't know either, but he gets it— Or at least he tries to. Those two have seen Toge in distress the most, and still don't find much to say about all this.

During lows, Toge stops caring, starts fantasising about acting selfish, yet always chickens out— Again, that's not who he is. He feels a bit down, a bit angry at the world, but nothing a nap can't fix; unless it's a big low. Then, he hides in his room so he can cry and hit his head with his palm, tries to breathe louder than the sounds stuck in his eardrums, spams Yuuta with texts so Gojo doesn't have to catch him jumping off a bridge again.

He hates himself, too. More than usual. And, somehow, that's the hardest part.

Yuuta's had to find the right words too many times, he's had to explain to Toge why he cared so much about him and why he'd never stop caring as Toge was harshly pushing him away (both literally and metaphorically). Maki doesn't always have the patience, and she's already yelled "Okay, whatever!" and left— Only to feel guilty and check on him by the end of the day.

Gojo, similar to Yuuta, doesn't leave either— The only difference is that Gojo doesn't try anything. He'll follow Toge around and will talk about random stuff happening, but won't try to comfort Toge in any way. Toge likes it. Yuuta can be too overwhelming, too caring towards him— Almost too desperate to show his undying affection to the people he loves, and Toge finds it humiliating whenever it happens during a low: it's like Yuuta's pitying him.

Toge pushes people away so he doesn't get hurt. They'll hate him anyway, it won't take long before they fear him or decide he's the worst, even though he tries so hard to always be kind— They'll think he's manipulating them, and Toge doesn't know if it's true or not. Probably to some extent.

So he pushes them away first. This way, he knows why they'll start ignoring him, and he won't have to hurt from it. But... he also pushes people away because he wants them to stay. That's the biggest irony; he'll try to act cold and mean, to hurt them enough that they leave and never come back... because he wants them to stay despite all this. He wants to be loved despite his flaws, despite his curse, despite the fact that he's a thorn and not a rose.

Gojo stays, he's never left. Panda stays, he's understanding. Yuuta stays too, but he's confusing. Maki leaves but comes back, they're two sides of the same coin. Toge has people who care about him, but it's never enough; he's a time-ticking bomb, a mess of a curse.

Maybe he's not kind by nature; maybe the reason he tries so hard to be nice and giving is to hide how deadly he's forced to be.

anyway hope that answers your questions! 😃​

[dirthara-dalen]

Man, haven't been tagged in one of these in a long time. I was tagged by @stratataisen

Ngl I went through several of my wip’s and ended up deciding on the one I was currently reworking/editing. There should be a post about Ken’no in my queue for tomorrow.

post a paragraph, snippet, screenshot, or drawing layer of your current project! (✿◕‿◕✿)tag 5 people to post teasers of their wips too

The sound of the ship as it traveled through hyperspace was oddly relaxing. The familiar sound of the hyperdrive decelerating drew the attention of a lone figure who was sitting in the passenger section of the ship to a nearby window. Looking out the window, they watched as the ship left hyperspace revealing in the distance a planet coming into view. The sound of the sliding door that led to the cockpit opening did not draw his attention away from the view he was seeing. “Captain says we’ll be planet side in a few minutes.” The individual leaned against the doorframe looking at the young Mirialan. Something felt off about him. It was almost like he was depressed to be sent to Tython when most young Jedi are excited at seeing the planet. He had known Ligastar for about two years by this point. It was clear there was no turning the man's attention from the window as he sat to him.  “Now how exactly are you seeing out the window through that mop of hair of yours?” Ligastar turned his head ever so slightly. “I happen to like my mop hairstyle, thank you very much” The first thing did after joining the order was grow his hair out. Some would call it silly but having the freedom to do what he wished with his own body meant everything to him. He fully turned his attention to the nautolan as he sat next to him. “Well, your mop also conceals your pretty green eyes.” He couldn't help but roll his eyes at that comment. Even now Ken’no found a way to be flirty.

I tag @eorzeashan @myth-and-mischief @vexa-legacy @thelealinhypehouse @sakurabunnie