#this is very self-indulgent and self-referential for me

[invinciblerodent]

The more preoccupied I get with Wyll (because apparently he's the one about whom I am hopelessly in my feelings today), the more certain I am that I inadvertently struck gold by choosing him as a romance option for my Inquisitor!Tav playthrough.

An older version of Ray is... pretty much exactly the person I can imagine working best for the kind of story I'd personally love to tell with Wyll.

I mean...

Regardless of the universe they're in, the Trevelyans are old money. They're not quite as high ranking as a Duke, but the Thedosian "Bann", I kind of see them on roughly the same level as a Baron. A minor lord, but a long-standing family with deep roots that make them politically quite significant. So it's conceivable that during Ulder's rise, the Ravengards and the Trevelyans occasionally rubbed elbows: this Ray (or Lord Trevelyan in this case, much as he hates being called that- had to assume the title after his father's passing though) may even know Ulder in passing, and if he didn't know Wyll, he must have known of him.

He may even have thought briefly about how it's been a while since he's heard anything about Ravengard's boy. Maybe he wondered for a few seconds about whatever could have happened to the lad.

Maybe Wyll even remembers seeing Lord Trevelyan, often by the moniker of "The Inquisitor of (I'll figure it out)", and his beautiful sorcerer husband at some function. Maybe meeting again and seeing that pain etched deep into the man's heart, he wonders what could have happened to break the man most thought of as a hero of the past. Maybe sharing that loss brings them closer.

The parallel of one of them missing his dominant hand and the other missing an eye works really well. It wasn't intentional at all, but Ray was barely older than Wyll is now when he was "Inquisitor" (I'll need to workshop how to adapt that to DnD) and lost his arm, and has since learned to live with it- but nevertheless, these are both very traumatic injuries that result in a pretty fundamental alteration of one's life. Loving the "broken" parts of one another, I think that's as bittersweet as it is kind of beautiful.

I'm electing to believe that the prosthetic limbs in Faerun are fairly sophisticated, so while the prosthetic hand has some pretty severe limitations, it does move (if jerkily), and it looks almost convincing as a flesh and blood hand under a glove. Cue dramatic reveal of silvered mechanical fingers glinting in the firelight the night after recruitment: just a small nod to mean "I know all too well your sacrifice."

(Solas vs. Mizora, who's the bigger douchebag, let's discuss)

I'm not going to say "daddy issues" because that's a very gross and oversimplified way of putting it, but after being so.... so cruelly rejected by his father, early on just receiving approval from an older male figure (this Ray is like ~55-ish) of similar social standing as his father probably... does something. To Wyll. Messes with his head. I mean, for a character who downplays his emotions because he just wants to please others so much, unconditional praise and positive reinforcement from someone who is outwardly so much like a storybook hero AND the father/mentor who rejected him must leave a deep impression on Wyll's heart. (I quite like the thought of an honest "Good lad!" and a slap on the back making Wyll's stomach clench.)

I love that in most of his romance, from what I've seen, Wyll does the "wooing". He is the one who courts and pursues the player character, which works really nicely for this kind of May-September romance: A gallant, strapping young man honestly pursuing the widower with the bruised and battle-scarred heart makes my own little heart ache, but in a good way. And the chasteness of the romance only adds to it, imo: definitely dispels in me any notion of it coming off... I don't know, icky. This is not about sex, or exploitation, or a power imbalance, not about someone gross manipulating a young, inexperienced person into anything: it's just about the... the tenderness of starting anew. It's about learning that.... that there can be more than just one "great love" in a life.

But also, adding to this, them trading the well-fitting role of the "dashing prince" back and forth also makes me smile. Coming to each other's rescue, dissolving the pact, maybe punching Ulder in the face after saving his shitty little life for good measure, it can make them both feel both like they're protected AND the protector. Like they can rely upon the other and be relied on in return.

.... Maybe I should finish at least ONE playthrough before I become enamored with the romance of a fkin FOURTH, huh.

[lov3-from-loserlane]

I fully blame you for the Scott Pilgrim content on my fyp now. Not a bad things, just haven't watched any of it before lmaoooo. So now I have so much content idk what to do with it. Guess I should indulge and watch it/read it *sigh*

ME??? MEEEE????

BLAME LEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He’s the one finally taking the plunge, it’s like watching a baby take its first steps 💗

Hehe I’m kidding ofc, I wouldn’t be surprised if I was mostly to blame… ive been reblogging stuff lately. I’ve been super into it since March of 2022, I’ve read the comics like 4 times… I definitely recommend it!!!!!!!

The best way to enjoy this story is definitely through the comics so give those a read if you’re willing! I wouldn’t consider it thaaat long, it’s a quick enough read id say!

The movie is also really great too though!

And tbhhhhh although artistically genius and amazing, immmm actually not that big a fan of the tv show on Netflix 🥱 SUE ME -_-

It’s very fan servicey and self referential as well which I don’t mind that in particular but I also don’t understand how it independently spawned a whole fanbase separate from the other iterations because personally I’m of the belief that, stand alone, no context, it’s pretty terrible. It suffers a lot of the same problems the movie did too but like. Even worse. So if you do wanna watch it, just don’t watch it first.

But that’s just me I guess because like I said, a lot of people who had never heard of Scott Pilgrim before then watched it and apparently liked it so 😓😓

Anyway thanks for letting me rant LMFAOAOOA if you do decide to check it out I hope you like it!!! <3

[hoochy-coo]

Ttpd as a whole ! :)

In terms of her entire discography, this is firmly at 4 for me if you put all the songs together.

The pros are:

- This is her most autobiographical and self-referential album to date. I know that makes the music somewhat inaccessible to casual listeners but if you’re a stan that’s taken the time to digest, you can trace the map. This speaks to how parasocial her fanbase is but that’s a different conversation

- Taylor is usually very curated and calculated about what she wants us to know and how that will ultimately impact how we perceive her as well as her brand. However, she let it all hang out this album and I applaud that.

- The highs are career highs. We have great moment of introspections (Clara Bow, BDILH, The Manuscript, HDIE, ILIPW). We also have some of her best song writing since folkevermore (The Prophecy, SLL, The Black Dog, the Albatross, GAS, FOTS, Loml)

- It’s a grower. I think a lot of the songs need to grow on you because of the length of the album and how wordy a lot of the songs are.

- This album potentially marks her first instance of “not giving a fuck” and putting whatever she wants out. Which possibly signals a change in her creative process and we’ll be getting more raw and honest writing from her moving forward

- The music is catchy. Like cringe all you want over Down Bad but it’s catchy as hell

The cons:

- It’s bloated, unfocused, and confused. I totally get that she wrote most of this at a very painful, confusing period of her life. However, I agree with the NYT’s review that she badly needs an editor. For example, BDILH is AMAZING - it’s like grown up Speak Now on crack and in the context of the TS lore, it’s her giving a cheeky wink while flipping the “fairytale” motif that’s been such a staple to her career. However, it is so ridiculously wordy that it’s such a task to listen to. My head was spinning when I first heard the bridge LMAO. Which brings me to my next point…

- TTPD is self indulgent and not in a good way. She is clearly SPEAKING DIRECTLY to her muse on this album. She is doing so much to send a message to Matty Healey here that it gets a little uncomfortable. There are way too many coded messages and secret in-jokes. I’m in no way saying us as an audience should be able to demand comfort from her work, but I can’t lie and say it doesn’t take away from the enjoyment of the music. A lot of the tracks are clearly intended to sound like 1975 as a jab at Matty and it’s not cute.

- It’s trying to be a Lana album. Drag me all you want but she is writing in Lana cursives for half of this album and I don’t get why. Taylor did some of her best writing her when she kept it simple and worked off a relatable point of reference. For example, the Black Dog tells a very simple story of discovering that your ex-lover forgot to turn off his location and now you’re spiraling wondering what he’s doing at that exact location and who he’s with. Same with the Prophecy - it’s literally about trying and failing at love over and over again and wondering if it’s just not in the cards for you.

- Jack and Aaron. They are all stunting each other and she needs to take a break from working with them for a while. I’m in no way saying that Jack and Aaron didn’t do some good work on this album (because they absolutely did) but it’s clear that they’re not pushing her to try something new.

- Repeated exploration of the same topics and not having new or interesting to say. See: thanK you aIMee, Cassandra and WAOLOM. It’s the same thing being written about from the same lens. She could have kept it in the vault.

- It feels rushed. It just does and the sheer amount of songs thrown onto the album with no stream lining or even sonic ties makes it an exhausting listen in one sitting.

- Not leaning into the horror themes and motifs seems like a lost opportunity. There are tons of horror references on this album that she seemingly has done nothing with. Down Bad compares getting dumped with being dropped back to earth after an alien abduction, WAOLOM likens herself to a witch, TSMWEL compares her ex-lover ghosting her as getting betrayed and shot by a double agent, SLL referencing death, funerals and being reviving back to life but barely living, Fortnight literally references murders, ICDIWABH is a circus nightmare etc.

- All that marketing she did around Joever, which sent her stans on a with hunt, only for the album to be some other muse has left a bad taste in my mouth.

Overall, I’d say the pros trump the cons. However, I honestly think had she sat with it a bit more, rearranged some, edited bits and pieces, and trimmed off the excess, she would have had a fantastic album.

[normalbrothers]

[tumblr ate your @ to me so only just saw your wip post! technology…]

intrigued to hear more abt your ‘somewhat self-indulgent mapping of a pre-canon story/backstory’ :)

thank you 😊

the general idea is for it to be a foundation of maybe a larger fic verse that takes place during and post canon and that sort of serves as, well, a referential map.

hopefully still enjoyable to read while being a more perfunctionary run down of some relevant past events that i then want to explore in later canon-bound/compliant/adjacent installments without being overly direct about them

& self indulgent, because while there are things that can be substantially infered from canon/subtext, some of it are more dissociated speculations/headcanons that i just want to be there (while feeling like something that could have happened to/informed the characters, or so is the idea)

i'm not sure how well that concept works and i know that usually it's a better story telling technique to either have a big revelation later on or to weave some events into the actual text as oblique/ambiguous details/flashbacks, but i'm a little stubborn about it and want these vignettes to stand on their own, even if it takes the mystery out of it all in a sense, it definitely goes against how pb itself operates as it's very anchored in its own present - but maybe that also offers new ways to construct a story, who knows, you know!

[dirtyoldmanhole]

SURPRISINGLY not about gunter. or fates. somehow this blog became 'fire emblem blorbo blog: speedwing* boogaloo' :P (*for those of you who are not like, ancient, "speedwing' used to be my old tellius-based sideblog.)

anyway

(very very very self indulgent ramblin / workshopping about future FE projects ahead)

next year's FE9's 20th anniversary and i am dead set on doing a zihark doujin for it. i got halfway through with one with tons of drawings that are still badass, lord knows that my fondness for him eclipses everything else i've ever drawn, i feel like i can finally do him justice, etc. this is The Moment tween krad has been waiting for all her life.

thing is i've been quietly debating to myself for a year or so if i want to do a strictly canon based doujin or one with selfshipper Stuff.

see, i thought i was going for more of a fanservice angle to sidestep that a little (still totally sliding that in whenever possible) but my brain unfortunately needs like a Modicum of Characterization :D; (as i am finding out with this gunter doujin). i need little plot hanger hooks even if it's gag strips or one off doodles.

and. i like. okay.

quick pros/con of canon-based doujin: wider audience, i don't have certian hangups over it

quick pros/cons of selfshipper doujin: it would probably heal certian parts of my soul if i wasn't being so chickenshit about it. it'd still be pretty? but it'd be harder to draw. i don't know if it would have a meaning to other than literally one (1) alive person and at some point i do have to kinda weigh the 'is the time sink worth it'

anyway

there's, very literally 20 years of inside jokes and shit with the selfshipper thing. i cannot stress to you zi literally got me to start drawing seriously. i don't know why i'm saying this other than 'this verse might be a bit self referential and i don't know if people would Get It compared to just canon (which i 10000% love on its own rights, it's not like i'm secretly dying to just do the selfshipper thing - ideally i would do a doujin of both because just what's in the games proper is so, so cool. he's such a weirdo. :D and tellius is the kind of cast i could stick him with literally anyone and wrangle up a cool scene.

- but. but?

the obvious answer is (do a doujin with both krad, like duh, people are gonna love the pretty pix no matter what ur overthinking it) but it just feels weird...? mixing the streams, if only in a pure technical/storytelling sense, and even above Personal Stuff i want to respect this on a pure craft level. ( i 100% love and go feral over the current wave of the selfshipper revival and would protect them with my life but with me it still feels inexplicably private and... i'm of elder internet, man. for me it still feels ... like it did in the 00's. very fringe-y vulnerable, you know? if you were there you know. idk. i'm still working through some of that.

feelings, god i hate feelings. just give me gorgeous dudes to draw to shut my brain up :D;;; )

[hangmanbrainrot]

Payback RQ: He comes home from work in the middle of the night and tries not to wake you, and fails because someone that tall can’t be anything but clumsy at 2am.

this took me 2 weeks because i suck but here it is!! i hope it is everything you imagined. 🫣

warnings: swearing, technically home invasion implication, but that doesn't happen i assure you, umm marriage!, reuben is nicknamed ben at some points in this fic, kinda fluffy in the beginning, maybe this is a lil funny? maybe sierra successfully does a haha? let me know. not beta'd because sierra is lazy and has a headache. ignore the typos (if there are any?) if you love me. lots of self-referential third person here, ok. shut up sierra.

word count: 945

pairing: reuben "payback" fitch x reader

homecoming

In preparation for Reuben returning from his special detachment, you’d done just about everything you could think of to make sure he felt welcome back home. 

It started at the grocery store. You made sure to buy his favorite cereal, not the heart-healthy business he told everyone was his favorite. No, you decided to indulge his love for cocoa pebbles. Mostly because you knew he’d never ask for them or purchase them for himself. When you’d arrived at the front of the line, the cashier greeted you with a big smile, and carried on polite conversation. She tapped the box before scanning the item to place it into the bag. It was your last grocery item on the conveyor belt.

“I love these,” she made eye contact with you in a way that was lingering, a clear in for a conversation you’d only been passively interested in. It wasn’t the cashier’s fault that you were exhausted after a day of running errands. 

“Oh, I’ve actually never had them, but my husband raves about them from when he was a kid.” The thought alone put a smile on your face, and the action was a reminder of just who and what all of this was for. Your partner would be home soon, and nothing else really mattered much beyond that. 

So, of course, when you’d received a text later that night that his flight was canceled, you’d pouted into a pint of ice cream, and curled up on the couch with your favorite TV show alone. 

Sorry, baby. 🙁 I’ll let you know when I get another flight. Probably tomorrow. I love you

I know. Miss you. Cant wait. I love you too.

And then 10 PM stretched into 11, 11 into midnight, and midnight into 1 AM before you finally called it quits. You knew that, short of flying the plane himself, there was nothing he could really do. No use exhausting yourself for work tomorrow even more than you already would be, with the disappointment of falling asleep yet another night without your partner at your side weighing heavily on your chest while you tried to drift off. You slinked off to bed and retreated under the covers. 5 or so hours or sleep was better than none.

So, when your eyes opened at 2:51 AM, you immediately groaned. Usually, your body let you get a solid 3 hours in before waking you up. But then you heard the very distinct sound of someone bumping into the console table by the front door. It stuck out a little too far, so if you didn’t give yourself a lot of grace, coming in the front door, you’d barely just catch your knee on the corner of it — just enough to hurt. Your eyes met the clock again. 2:52 AM. While Ben had taken you through the many different ways to be prepared for an intruder while he was away, you never thought you’d actually have to use any of it. He was always the muscle of your relationship. He was probably the most easygoing person you knew, except when it came to you. From the moment he’d committed to being your spouse, he was all about you — in all the right ways. Knew how to support you without smothering or hovering, encouraged you to follow your dreams and pursue your career. And taught you how to disarm an intruder, with only your bare hands and… the curtain rod from the corner. Fixing it was a job for your husband, considering he was height and all long limbs.

Shaky fingers curled around the curtain rod, while you did your best Mission Impossible sneak down the stairs, to find the culprit who’d disturbed your sleep and your peace.

“You take whatever you have and you go now, and I won’t call the police,” you shouted as you inched down the stairs, trying to will confidence into your voice. “I haven’t even seen you yet, so it’s perfect. You’ll only get caught if you try to get greedy.”

You heard swearing — and you were certain that voice sounded familiar. Curtain rod grasped tighter, you and your curiosity practically leapt down the remainder of the stairs.

“Baby, what in the hell are you doing?” Your husband’s voice hit your ears and your shoulders slumped almost immediately. 

“Me?! What the hell are you doing, sneaking in the house?!”

“I was trying to s — never mind, can you put your weapon down?”

Brows furrowed, you lowered the curtain rod down by your side, before reaching out to lean it up against the nearest wall. One of your hands came up to rub at your eyes, before you folded your arms over your chest. 

Ben, never one to miss an opportunity for a wisecrack, quipped easily: “Aw, there’s that scowl I’ve missed so much. I thought I’d have to wait until tomorrow morning.”

Before you could fire back, he’d wrapped you up in his arms and tugged you into his chest. Jet fuel and citrus wafted up to your senses. Even as you settled into his embrace, you retorted, “Oh, don’t you even start. You scared me. I thought you weren’t getting in until tomorrow.”

“So, naturally, the next logical conclusion is that someone with a key was breaking into our home, hm?” You could hear the smile on Reuben’s lips when he spoke, a good-natured chuckle passing through them shortly thereafter.

“Shut up, before I start losing that loving feeling and you’ve barely been here five minutes.”

“I missed you too, tough guy,” he muttered, before ducking his head to press a kiss to the top of your own. 

[audiovisionacupuncture]

Surreal

The word “surreal” today mostly refers to experiences that are dreamlike and strange, but it can also refer specifically to work of artists that were part of the surrealist movement of the 20th century. I do not like the second definition, as strict artistic labels and definitions do not interest me creatively. I will be pulling on work from surrealist artists, but for the purposes of this post, I will instead focus on work that feels incongruous and dream like.

I think that the challenge with dreamlike experiences is that they’re often boring. Dreams have no stakes and there is often no relationship between what is occurring. Replicating that exactly can create work that feels pointless. Maintaing audience engagement without necessarily conforming to a traditional narrative structure, is a key goal in any surreal work that I do.

Corecore

It’s difficult to select one corecore video, because they are all so short and diverse, so I’m just going to link to the TikTok hashtag. They are TikToks that splice videos, usually with little regard to traditional composition and narrative flow. It is more about creating a mood like a digital impressionist collage. They often include some kind of reflection on the internet, society, or contemporary culture.

It is a common technique to use part of an actual TikTok, so when you are scrolling you think it’s a normal video, and then when the edit begins it gives you this feeling that’s very hard to describe. It’s like being pulled out of your body, seeing yourself from the outside. It makes me reflect on myself, and understand the unreality of that moment, scrolling absentmindedly on TikTok. Many corecore edits are meant to convey sadness, but I think my favourites are ones that try and portray a broader extent of human emotion, just filtered through the surreal nature of modern life.

Much of the surreal content I’ve researched is from the 20th century, like Dadaism. I think corecore responds to the surrealness of everyday, 21st century life and the speed at which we are exposed to new stimuli.

Pinkcore

Pinkcore is much like corecore, but instead of reflecting in disgust or sadness at the absurdity of digital existence, it revels in it. It is cute and self-indulgent and fun. It keeps a fast pace with clips of Counter Strike gameplay and cat clips, referencing an “old internet”, with ties to lolcatz, nightcore, and early 2000s nostalgia.

It is still, of course, surreal. The links between clips are strange and self-referential. I like how it doesn’t take itself seriously, like the early avant-garde.

Jack Stauber – will

This is a multimedia animation that utilizes claymation alongside live action footage to depict a bowl headed man freaking out in a giant machine. The use of whirring machine noises and electronic alarms all contribute to a sense of anxiety, and then it is all muffled out as he reaches into his head to calm himself down. This work feels like a stress dream, and highlights tension and resolution that is still surreal. Cause and effect is still there, it just is filtered through a world with unknown elements.

Bo Burnham: Inside

Inside is a Netflix musical comedy film made entirely by Bo Burnham in one room during Covid lockdowns. It depicts his experiences with suicidal thoughts, depression, and boredom during his time alone, as well as societal upheaval and the shift toward digital content.

Pandemic life was undeniably surreal, with all social interaction being mediated through a screen, and a complete shutdown of the “real world,” and Inside is the only work filmic work that captures this reality. The rapid and incongruous cuts, blurring of truth, and non linear story telling all contribute to this. Additionally, it has some truly amazing lighting design; especially considering it was all done by Burnham himself.

Tiger in a Tropical Storm (Surprised!) by Henri Rousseau

Tiger in a Tropical Storm (Surprised!) is a painting by French outsider artist Henri Rousseau. What makes this painting feel so surreal is minimal separation between background a foreground. Each painted element feels like it was cut out from a different painting and laid on with no regard for lighting. The tiger’s hind leg seems to be in front of the foliage that the rest of the tiger is behind. Additionally, the twilight setting aids the lighting in feeling dream like.

@alldaysquishyface - coffee 🫖

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This short vertical video represents a lot of surreal content on platforms like TikTok and Instagram reels. They are short an inexplicable, tied together seamlessly with an ambient soundtrack. A lot of them don’t have a plot per se, instead remaining engaging with a short run time.

JPEGMAFIA – Free The Frail

I think what JPEGMAFIA (or Peggy, as he is often known) special is his pop friendly sensibilities. Although the songs are off kilter, glitchy, Free The Frail is nothing but hooks. I think this is part of what allows Peggy to be so experimental, he never loses audience engagement because of the pure sonic bliss that comes from listening to his music. Nonetheless, his use of samples and vocal chops create a strange musical world that is surreal.

LAS VEGAS EYE ORB

The MSG Sphere at the Venetian Resort in Las Vegas is a spherical musical arena with an LED display on the outside. The orb can be lit up in the shape of an eye that looks around. I find this digital installation to reflect the absurdity and hubris of modern civilization. I’d compare it to the Tower of Babel, that caused God to create separate languages after humanity was growing too powerful. I think that if God struck us down after the construction of this orb, we would deserve it.

PilotRedSun – Not so fast

This multisensory experience is guided by an off kilter score that matches the morphing and swirling animation. It uses mixed media, combining collage with digital painting with minimal shading. Some of the shots feel like a video game, but the POV camera mostly makes the short feel like the retelling of a dream. The sound design contributes to this, as every voice is muffled and distorted with electronic hums in the background.

Samuel Beckett – Waiting for Godot

Waiting for Godot is an absurdist play that it intentionally incredibly stripped down. The whole play is two men waiting for “Godot” while by a tree. While I find this play intellectually interesting, the reality of watching it is much less so. Like many absurdist works, because there is no plot in the traditional sense, it just isn’t that interesting to watch.

[bonefall]

can you talk more about a warrior cats conlang? I know you said you weren't gonna do one for the rewrite but I love conlangs so I'd love to see your ideas for one since I'm planning to make a warrior cats conlang soon as well

Sure! Just get me started on some specific concept or aspect. I have a lot of little ideas but no 'central' way that I unite them all

I'm gonna share my little self-indulgent headcanon about this, though. I made a bit of an OC out of the blog title (since I picked it at random), his name is actually Bonefall and he helps translate Clan stories into human language. His human partner, Dr. Hunter, is an anthropologist investigating clan society.

What should I call the conlang? Clannish? Clanmew? clanyru like cymru

Oh! I'll start with pronouns!

Pronouns, Inclusion, and Patrols

Pronouns in clan language are NOT gendered; others are referred to in varying levels of closeness or threat. Clan language has special modifiers for different types of 'we' that rest on a singular pronoun.

(Clanmate) He patrolled = "Urr pabpab" (Other Clan) He patrolled = "Rarr pabpab" (Clanmate) We patrolled = "Urri pabpab" (Clanmate) They patrolled (without me) = "Urrk pabpab" (Clanmate) You patrolled (without me) = "Urrsk pabpab"

There is no self-referential pronoun. There is no 'I/me/myself' in Clannish-- only "Mine," added as a possessive modifier at the end of a person, place, or thing. Cats in general have a very self-centered language; when you aren't using a pronoun, by default, you are stating something about yourself.

I patrolled = "pabpab" I patrolled my territory = "pabpab upanna wraah" Clanmate patrolled my territory = "urr pabpab upanna wraah"

They're my Clanmate = "Urr wraah" My clanmate patrolled = "Urr wraah pabpab"

Lionblaze: "Well who's going to go on patrol?" Hollyleaf: "YOU will, mousebrain!"

Translation:

Lionblaze: "Pff, yarr ya pabpa?" (lit: Well, who will patrolling?) Hollyleaf: "Weeswoo!" (You-mousebrain)

Threat Level/Pronoun List

This doesn't necessarily mean 'danger,' so much as the level of caution you would approach the given thing with. It's a sign of submission, even cowardice, to use dangerous pronouns for non-threatening things.

Format: (Their/You)

Wi/Wees The softest, weakest possible way to refer to a person... used exclusively for babies, and prey. "Mousebrain" is either Wiwoo (them-mousemind) or Weeswoo (you-mousemind).

Nya/Nyams This is family and closeness, moreso than a Clanmate or a trusted ally. If Hollyleaf hadn't been playful earlier, she would have simply responded "nyams."

Pyrr/Pyrrs For apprentices, medicine cats, elders, exhausted warriors, and other non-combatants, but also for friends. It's a neutral-weak pronoun-- it can be sympathetic or patronizing in the wrong situation, but at most it would be over-familiar if used incorrectly. This is also used on useful objects, like nests, herbs, Jayfeather's stick, etc.

Urr/Urrs A capable clanmate, carries an implication that they are able to hunt or fight at the described moment. The term carries endearment-- the old RiverClan river was referred to with Urrs, for respect. Strong, worthy prey is in this category (RiverClan refers to a lot of big fish with urrs)

Rarr/Rarrs Now we're in the 'outsider' category. These are not used on clanmates without insult. Used for things that require extra caution, or aren't trusted. A lot of twoleg things like fences and bridges are 'rarr'. The cats who live in the barn and other loners are 'rarr'. Warriors in other clans are 'rarr.'

Mwrr/Mwrrs Something dishonorable, that lives without code. Rogues are tossed into this category before proven otherwise, same with snakes, foxes, badgers, and dogs.

Ssar/Ssas Something powerful and dangerous. Storms, floods, cars. Overwhelming and unpredictable-- can be a high compliment to the respected warrior of other clans, implies the same sort of respect you would give to a natural disaster, but if used too much it could show cowardice.

[grey-water-colors]

Achilles Come Down

Bakugo Katsuki X gn! Reader

This deals with a super-serious topic, but it's self-indulgent. I'm feeling better than I was in my last fic belive it or not. If you need help, or if you feel like it's hopeless, please reach out to someone. This is based of the song 'Achilles Come Down'.

Link to the Song: https://youtu.be/T_V76Dm42bY

Summary: Reader is going to jump, Bakugo talks her down.

Pairing: Pro! Bakugo Katsuki X gn! Reader

Warnings: Deals very heavily in Suicide, Do not read if it will trigger you. Attempted suicide, does not go through with it. Mentions of death. Angst.

Word Count: 1,826

Masterlist

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“Achilles, Achilles, Achilles, come down

Won't you get up off, get up off the roof?

You're scaring us and all of us, some of us love you

Achilles, it's not much but there's proof

You crazy-assed cosmonaut, remember your virtue

Redemption lies plainly in truth

Just humor us, Achilles, Achilles, come down

Won't you get up off, get up off the roof?”

His voice was so sweet, so gentle, trying to coax you down from the ledge. You on one building, him on another just parallel. Police car lights flashing up the buildings and reflecting on the both of you. Your friends 50 floors below on the ground. You’d never seen Dynamight so desperate, your heart would break for him if you knew it weren’t because of you. How had this become so complicated?

“Achilles, Achilles, Achilles, come down

Won't you get up off, get up off the roof?

The self is not so weightless, nor whole and unbroken

Remember the pact of our youth

Where you go, I'm going, so jump and I'm jumping

Since there is no me without you”

His threat hung heavy in the air, causing you to falter. You had been smitten with Bakugo since you were little, and then a crush bloomed right before you when you were in the same class at UA. He had hardly expected to see you, since the last time he had seen you was when you were paralyzed by the car accident. It wasn’t immediate friendship, but you’d quickly become close with the rest of the Bakusquad and the two of you had grown closer. You’d started dating before graduation and through being sidekicks at different agencies. When he told you that he and Kirishima were creating an agency and asked you to be part of it, you’d accepted immediately.

During your first official patrol with Dynamight, you made a pact with him that no matter what, you’d always be on each other’s side. You’d since moved in together spending time with each other and with your mutual friends. Life was a hero’s paradise until the accident.

“Soldier on, Achilles, Achilles, come down

Won't you get up off, get up off the roof?

Hurt and grieve but don't suffer alone

Engage with the pain as a motive

Today, of all days, see

How the most dangerous thing is to love

How you will heal and you'll rise above”

He was pleading now, his voice shaking. Tears welling in his eyes. It broke your heart, but your guilt was heavier. He was offering you forgiveness, a second chance because everyone makes mistakes. You couldn’t be forgiven though. You didn’t really want to jump, you wanted to call for help, to beg Dynamight to save you. To ask any of the bystanders below to help you. You knew deep down that this emotion wasn’t yours, but the effect of the man behind you. His quirk amplifying and intensifying your guilt and agony over your mistake until you couldn’t bear it anymore. Jumping was the only way to get rid of these effects, the only way to rid yourself of this guilt that was literally drowning you. Even as you were fighting for your life, even as close as Dynamight was, the man was right behind you, whispering in your ear.

“Achilles, Achilles, Achilles, jump now

You are absent of cause or excuse

So self-indulgent and self-referential

No audience could ever want you

You crave the applause yet hate the attention

Then miss it, your act is a ruse

It is empty, Achilles, so end it all now

It's a pointless resistance for you”

His voice was smooth in your ear, and you felt your burden intensify. Two days ago, while on patrol by yourself, you’d ended up fighting a villain. There weren’t any other heroes in the area so you were alone until your backup could arrive. Your first priority was to save the bystanders, and you tried, you really tried. The villain was relentless and used the innocents as a shield. It wasn’t until the fight was over that a life had been lost. A young man had had a heart attack during the fight. You hadn’t been able to get him somewhere where someone could help him. He had died before you could finish the fight. Bakugo held you that night as you sobbed for him.

His family had made a statement to the press and magazines were eating up the story. The family wasn’t suing, which you were grateful for, but you still visited them and apologized profusely. The man’s mother was understanding, as was her husband, but you could tell that the man’s brother was angry. Fury was radiating off him, and you took it because you knew you deserved it. What you didn’t expect was to see the brother that night on your way home from the office. All he did was grab you and yell, but looking back on it, that was when he’d put his quirk in use.

The next day your guilt was tenfold what it was yesterday, and it only grew. Your friends, your manager, and Bakugo could tell you were off. They didn’t ask questions though; no-one had gone through what you were feeling. You were all so young. That night you went on patrol with Dynamight and a couple other of your friends. You were on lookout on the very same roof you were standing on now when he had come up behind you. Every word he said enhanced what you were feeling until he saw you glance at the ledge. His smile was cruel as he said what you were thinking. A life for a life, it was only fair.

Now, in the present, Dynamight saw the man and recognized him for who he was. Puzzle pieces started to fall into place, that you weren’t in full control of yourself. He had to wait until he had more backup though, he couldn’t tip off the brother that he knew.

“Achilles, Achilles, just put down the bottle

Don't listen to what you've consumed

It's chaos, confusion and wholly unworthy

Of feeding and it's wholly untrue

You may feel no purpose nor a point for existing

It's all just conjecture and gloom

And there may not be meaning, so find one and seize it

Do not waste yourself on this roof

Hear those bells ring deep in the soul

Chiming away for a moment

Feel your breath course frankly below

And see life as a worthy opponent

Today, of all days, see

How the most dangerous thing is to love

How you will heal and you'll rise above

Crowned by an overture bold and beyond

Ah, it's more courageous to overcome”

You wanted so bad to believe him. Wanted so bad to be able to reach down and know that you had been forgiven. That it wasn’t your fault. You wanted to rise above it, but you were drowning. Flailing like you never learned how to swim. Was it really going to end like this for you? After everything that had happened in your life? After every obstacle you had overcome, this was it?

You briefly wondered if this was the kind of guilt that the drunk driver had felt when he learned that he had paralyzed a young child. If he had overcome his own guilt to help come up with your cure. You’d have to ask him if you survived. Oh, how you wanted to survive but what you did was unbearable. You’d killed a man. This quirk was so powerful, and you were feeling very weak.

“You want the acclaim, the mother of mothers”

His voice whispered again, smooth as silk.

“It's not worth it, Achilles”

Dynamight’s voice was quieter, like he was getting farther away.

“More poignant than fame or the taste of another”

You shook your head, shame filling you. He was feeding off other emotions now. Amplifying them to be your undoing.

“Don't listen, Achilles”

If only it were that easy, but the ledge was right there, you already had one foot on it.

“But be real and just jump, you dense motherfucker”

You stepped up onto the ledge.

“You're worth more, Achilles”

You were so high up; your knees feel weak.

“You will not be more than a rat in the gutter”

The lights down below were so mesmerizing.

“So much more than a rat”

You could see the outline of your friends down below, fewer now than before.

“Be done with this now and jump off the roof”

You moved one foot forward, ready. It would be fast right? You wouldn’t survive the fall.

“Can you hear me, Achilles?”

Your head snapped up to make eye contact with red eyes. So many emotions floating in them. Sadness, anger, desperation, and fear. You’d never seen him so scared. His fear frightened you, but not enough to shake this. Your foot hanging over a 50-story drop.

“I'm talking to you

I'm talking to you

I'm talking to you

I'm talking to you

Achilles, come down

Achilles, come down”

You loved him. You loved him so much it hurt. You’d die for him, you’d kill for him, but in this exact moment you wanted to live for him. You wanted to live so that he could propose, so you could get married to the love of your life. You wanted to build a family with him. Tears welled up in your eyes. You wanted to live but you didn’t know how after this. You’d killed a man. You deserved to die, didn’t you? The look on his face told you that this wasn’t the path to take but you were so sure.

Is there a way that you could be forgiven? The poor man’s mother had said so. Your friends had said so. Your agent had said so.

Bakugo Katsuki had told you that when he was holding you that night. He had never lied to you, that was a truth that you could live your whole life knowing. It was a pillar in your life. Maybe you could step down from here and continue living.

You faltered again, this time backwards.

Your eyes still locked with Dynamight, a voice behind you shouted,

“Throw yourself into the unknown

With pace and a fury defiant”

Then silence. A hand grabs your arm with a grip that could’ve broken it and yanks you off the ledge. Your heart seizes before you fall into Kirishima’s arms and start sobbing. What happens next is a blur, you’re handed off to familiar arms and they carry you. Sat in the back of an ambulance, Bakugo whispers into your hair,

“Clothe yourself in beauty untold

And see life as a means to a triumph

Today, of all days, see

How the most dangerous thing is to love

How you will heal and you'll rise above

Crowned by an overture bold and beyond

it's more courageous to overcome”

[fox-steward]

Women and girls don't need to put down trans men in order to be strong and powerful and connected to their identity.

You are just a transphobic idiot. Nothing else. And guess what, that makes you a very bad person. Trans men typically go by he/him. Regardles of they hear you or not, it's wrong to not respect that. Same logic would be calling women "br**ding machines" when they can't hear you.

You are disgusting. Reevaluate why you feel so insecure about your identity and reality that you have to hit a vulnerable group like that

you’re right, women don’t need to put down transmen in order to be strong or powerful, which is why i make a concerted efforts not to put down transmen. they are, after all, so like me i might as well put myself down. that doesn’t mean i am not honest in speaking about my experiences.

i am under no obligation to indulge anyone’s fantasy, especially when it is demonstrably false and antithetical to reality, and, in my experience, detrimental to the delusional person herself.

in fact, telling the truth about trans ideology and reality in general (that transmen are female and being female is the only requirement for being a woman and being a transman is exclusively a woman’s experience, that only women can experience walking through the world trying to pass as or passing as a man without being male) is a show of respect.

and i know for a fact i’m not a bad person. you probably aren’t either, but coming into a perfectly benign stranger’s inbox to try to tear her down certainly isn’t a good look.

wanna know why transmen “go by” he/him and aren’t simply “referred to” AS he/him? because transmen are insisting on something that isn’t true: the fantasy that they are male and thus men. and they “go by” pronouns because it’s self-directed and self-imposed. but pronouns, being the third-person referential, are pretty universally imposed ON us by others who need to talk ABOUT us, they’re not something we just pick and choose for whatever reason; they refer to us as others know us, in ways that are beyond our control—namely referring to our sex, which is obvious and observable from birth for nearly everyone.

i feel for you, coming here and putting yourself on blast like this with all the projection, because i am so clearly not insecure. having gone through transition and detransition, i finally feel calm because my being a woman is tied solely to my being female, the only prerequisite. and a inalienable one at that. i can love and think and dress and behave however the fuck i want and my identity is stable. i don’t have to figure out WHAT i am, which has allowed me to spend time with WHO i am. i recommend it.

[shanscript]

who: matsukawa x v!reader

what: adult characters, dumb humor, flirting, some kitchen spice, finger sucking, getting filthy in your roommate’s bed

wc: 2709

cross posted to the ao3

a little something i vibed to 💘

tip me on ko-fi ✨

this is extremely self indulgent! and jokes on you, but my dialogue is self referential. have fun 🥴 (not sorry for the multiple hercules references)

“Fuck you!” you whine, rolling your eyes.

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” Matsukawa quipped, eyes glittering with mischief.

“Now now, children,” Hanamaki giggled, “it’s just a game.”

You raised an eyebrow, feigning submission with a dramatic sigh. Did you plan a weekly board game night at Mattsun and Makki’s apartment, just to chase this feeling? Maybe. Flirting with Mattsun came easy. The chemistry between you two was blatantly obvious. So much so that, on multiple occasions, Makki had joked about moving out just so you could take his place. You tried to picture it, more often than you were willing to admit. Just the thought of spending one night alone with Mattsun made your heart pound and mind wander, let alone, every night...

“Your turn… Hello?” Mattsun tilted his head with curiosity, “No need to daydream when the real thing’s right in front of you baby.”

Makki exploded with laughter, elbowing you as your cheeks flushed hot. “W-what makes you think I’d waste a single brain cell on you?” you managed, hiding your face behind your hand of cards. You tried your best to hold Mattsun’s gaze over the fan of glossy cardstock. His thick brows furrowed slightly as he smirked at you. God, you could punch him. Or kiss him. Or…

You finally took your turn, much to the dramatic relief of both guys. “Alriiiiight,” you silenced their harmonized groans. “I’m done okay? Go ahead Makki--”

Right on cue, the latter’s phone started buzzing across the countertop. A very unflattering photo of Oikawa flashed across the screen. “Shit, what now?” Makki groaned rhetorically. He leaned his elbows on the smooth surface as he answered the call. You watched him intently, pretending not to notice Mattsun eye-fucking you from across the counter. You couldn’t even hear Makki’s end of the conversation with how loud your pulse was pounding in your ears. You shifted anxiously in your seat, crossing your legs out of necessity.

Reality rushed back to you as Makki stood. He was staring blankly at you, waiting for an answer to a question you had no recollection of. You blinked rapidly. “Sorry, what?”

“I said, I gotta go. Will you be okay here?” he repeated, “Or do you want me to drop you off?”

You breathed a wordless prayer of thanks to the void. Stay calm. “I’m a big, tough girl. I can tie my own sandals and everything,” you blurted out. The reference would have been woefully incomplete without the addition of your dual finger guns.

Makki breathed out a laugh, rolling his eyes. “Fine,” he turned towards Mattsun, “Just don’t let Jerkules here touch my stuff.”

Mattsun feigned innocence, placing one hand over his heart. “Who? Me?”

“Yes you!” Makki huffed, retrieving his sweater from the couch. “Later Meg, I mean (Y/N),” he called. The sentence was abruptly punctuated by the front door slamming shut.

Silence descended upon the kitchen uncomfortably fast. You wrung your hands in your lap, under cover of the peninsula countertop. By the time you met Mattsun’s piercing gaze, your countless fantasies about him had already played back in your mind. This was the moment you’ve been waiting for. The chance encounter you’ve only dreamed of. You steadied your hands and drew a slow breath.

Mattsun cleared his throat, palming the back of this neck sheepishly. “So uh, anyways--”

Before your brain could stop it, your body seized the opportunity. You slid off your barstool and leaned across the counter, cutting off Mattsun’s sentence after three measly words. Your lips collided with his. In that moment, you surprised yourself more than you did him, but you drank down his whimpering reaction all the same. Your mind blanked completely. You forgot how to breathe, how to kiss him properly. You just held his face to yours, with one hand wrapped behind his neck, for some unknowable amount of time.

Suddenly, the reality of the situation rushed back to you. You withdrew slightly, just enough to suck in a deep breath. Your eyelids, which had drifted closed at some point, fluttered open again. Mattsun seemed frozen in place. His lips were parted slightly, right where you left them. Rosy blush was filling the apples of his cheeks as his dark eyes blinked open. The way he looked at you, the way he saw you now… was different. Like you flipped a primal switch deep inside his brain. He leaned in towards you.

“Don’t…” Mattsun sighed, breath fanning across your plump lips, “Don’t stop.” His voice was low. Rough.

Your eyelids struggled to stay open as blood rushed between your thighs. Your lips connected once more, this time with your tongues following suit. Your moans and sighs became Mattsun’s oxygen. He breathed you in, just as he tasted and swallowed your saliva. He couldn’t get enough. He needed more.

You felt his broad hands find your shoulders. One slid down your arm as the other traveled across your back. Both urgently found purchase on your body, and tugged you towards him. Without needing to think about it, you climbed clumsily up onto the counter, not once breaking your impassioned kiss. Once your knees were atop the smooth surface, Mattun hooked his hands behind them. He groaned into your mouth as he gave the soft flesh a gentle squeeze. You whined in response as he dragged you the rest of the way across the countertop.

Mattsun found his place between your thighs, pulling your knees up around his hips. With a deep groan, he rocked his body against yours. Your breath caught in your throat as his clothed erection jutted against your dampening shorts. Fuck, he’s big. Your mind swam with all the different ways you could take it. Your fingers tangled in Mattsun’s dusky hair, getting a grip on reality before he shattered yours completely. He turned his head slightly, kissing just the corner of your mouth before dragging his teeth along your jawline.

His hands wrapped under your knees pulled you tighter against him as he grinded between your thighs. The fabric of your panties rubbed roughly against your clit as a needy whine fell from your open mouth. You hooked your ankles around the small of Mattsun’s back, giving his hands free range of your body. He wasted no time pushing one hand up your thigh and under the edge of your shorts, eager to feel just how soaking wet you were for him. His teeth tightened around your throat, absorbing the vibrations of your desperate moans. His fingertips brushed slowly along your pantyline as your walls clenched around nothing.

“Isssssei,” you pleaded, a soft pout tugging on your lips. You bounced your ass impatiently on the countertop, adding just the right amount of charm to your mindless lust.

Matsukawa chuckled at your neck. “Huh…” he muttered, “I think I prefer Wonder Boy.”

You rolled your eyes, biting back a laugh. “Oh my go--”

Your final words melted into a gasp as two, long fingers slipped inside of your dripping cunt. Your calves flexed against Mattsun’s back, toes curling. His free hand gripped your hip as his thick digits curled between your walls. Mattsun swore under his breath as your sweet honey coated his hand. His throbbing cock ached for a turn inside of you. He worked his hand in and out, slowly at first. He savored every moan that buzzed in your throat, swallowing them up with open-mouthed kisses.

Every push and pull of Mattsun’s hand sent tingling heat spreading down your thighs. Your legs tightened around his hips, forcing his fingers to push deeper inside. Your back arched as your face tilted up to meet the soft glow of the pendants hanging above you. He slipped a third digit past your swollen entrance, working his hand in circles.

Mattsun dragged his tongue up your neck, pausing to sing a soft moan into your ear. “Fuck you’re tight,” he muttered, “Think you can take all of me?”

You whimpered, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth. “Mmmmyess.”

“Hmm,” Mattsun patronized you with a click of his tongue, “We’ll see about that.”

After another handful of lazy thrusts with his fingers, he withdrew them. Mattsun raised his glistening hand between the two of you. His dark eyes locked on yours as he slowly licked it clean. His tongue dragged over every filthy knuckle and fingernail, sliding seductively between his digits. A low moan hummed in his chest as he savored your flavor. You swallowed hard, trying to keep your heavy eyelids open as you watched his every move. Your cunt clenched, desperate for more rhythmic, pressure, friction. Anything.

You leaned forward to press a sloppy kiss to the hand he was licking leisurely. He grinned around his finger as your lips grazed over his wet knuckles. He quickly turned all of his attention to you, twisting his wrist and brushing his thumb across your mouth. Your lips parted, just enough to welcome his finger inside. You tongue swirled around it, sucking gently on the calloused flesh. It was Mattsun’s turn to nip anxiously at his lower lip. He didn’t think it was possible to want you even more, until you started making those sounds. His other hand dug harder into your hip, leaving a few small, purple reminders for you tomorrow.

The restraint he thought he had, to spend on teasing you slowly, was fading fast. Mattsun wanted, no needed, to ruin you. It wasn’t a matter where, but how, as the former had just dawned on him. With a mischievous grin, the fingers under your chin tightened their grip as his thumb pressed down on your tongue. He stepped away from the countertop’s edge, beckoning you to follow with a tug of his wrist. With his thumb still secured in your mouth, he led you down the dim hallway.

When you arrived at Mattsun’s bedroom door, he paused. He cast a sly glance at you over one shoulder before gazing towards the door across the hall. Makki’s room. With little hesitation, he closed the gap, dragging you along behind him. He hastily twisted the handle and shouldered open the miraculously unlocked door. He pushed you down onto the unkempt bed, leaving you breathless.

“I-isn’t this… Makki’s--?” you gasped out.

“Really?” Mattsun drawled sarcastically, “I had no idea.” He shut the door behind him, locking it.

He approached the edge of the bed, hooking his fingers in the waistband of his shorts. Illuminated by the faint glow of streetlights shining through the window behind you, Mattsun undressed completely. Your eyes wandered across his bare shoulders, down his chiseled abdomen, arriving finally at what hung heavy between his thighs. Damn. Utter excitement shuddered up your spine as you managed to pull your shirt up and over your head. His broad hands found your knees, pushing them apart as he moved to kneel on the mattress below you.

You felt his hand slide up your inner thigh, gripping the crotch of your shorts before tearing it aside. Your breath quickened as Mattsun’s fingers appraised your dripping folds. A high whine escaped your lips as he rubbed your swollen clit. The curve of your hips, the arch of your back, the sounds you made...Mattsun couldn’t take it anymore. He had to take you.

His hands wound tight around your hips as he dragged you towards him. He lifted your ass into his lap, sliding his fingers down to your ankles. As he rested your feet on either of his shoulders, he rocked his hips forward. The movement was so slight, and yet the stretch of his head pushing inside you was immense. Your hands raced across the comforter, fingers tightening around the fabric. You sucked in a breath as Mattsun gave you another inch.

“Mmfuck babygirl,” Mattsun held your thighs against him as he leaned deeper into you.

Your insides were already quivering, your tight entrance resisting Mattsun’s massive girth. The way your pussy swallowed him slowly made his temples sweat. He stared down between your legs, watching just a bit more of his cock disappear inside of you. You pushed your hands down into the mattress as your hips twitched in his grasp. Your skin was hot and receptive, all radiating from where Mattsun was splitting you apart at your core.

He pulled out slightly, just so he could push back inside you with more force. The feeling knocked the breath from your lungs. Your head tipped back into the blankets as Mattsun finally bottomed out. You tried to blink back your blurring vision before screwing your eyes shut tight. Your muscles and nerves were positively burning. Mattsun’s thick cock was buried so deep inside you that you nearly felt him in your throat. A weak moan rattled in your chest as you caught your breath.

“Mmm that’s it,” he smirked, “You’ll never get used to it.” And damn him for being right.

You feebly flexed your numbing thighs, trying to feel just how full you were. Before you could find any tether to reality, Mattsun started moving again. He pulled away from you, sliding just a few inches of his slick length from your tight heat, taking your breath with it. The hood of your clit was stretched so tight, leaving your nerves bare and raw. Mattsun shifting inside you, even at this pace, pushed you dangerously close to the edge. Your heart raced as your upper body trembled, but two big hands kept your thighs grounded in place.

Mattsun’s full pupils met yours, for a split second. With a small twist of his lips, he snapped his hips forward. Skin smacked against skin as his full cock carved a path through your walls. You choked on a moan, tossing your head back harder into the mattress. Mattsun grunted, praising your tightness over and over under his breath. He drew another powerful circle with his pelvis, making your thighs jiggle and breasts swing. Another slam of his head against your walls broke the dam of your orgasm. Your walls fluttered and clenched as release exploded in your core.

You wound his cock so tight you nearly forced him out. But Mattsun gritted his teeth as his fingernails dug into your thighs. He wasn’t near done with you yet. As your back lifted higher off the mattress, Mattsun raised his hands to your ankles. He yanked your legs to either side, spreading you wide open for him, before picking up his pace. Reckless moans broke over your chapped lips with every thrust, growing louder every second. Nothing but pleasure was pumping through your veins. You felt so high you could just drift away.

Mattsun’s noises were growing shorter and more labored, drowned out by the clapping of his groin against your ass. His damp forehead tilted back as he drilled into you harder. His thrusts were wild and deep, making your head spin. Before you knew what was happening, Mattsun was rolling you over. He stood at the mattress’ edge and yanked your ass towards him. Your feet slipped onto the carpet below as his full length sank back inside you.

You held yourself up by your elbows, every thrust rocking your whole body. You squinted through your lashes past your bouncing breasts, at Mattsun’s cock abusing your sloppy cunt. Your shameless sounds melted together into a long, rhythmic whine. You barely felt the succession of rough spanks on your ass as you drooled into the mattress.

“Ohh god you-- I’m--” Mattsun cried, clapping both hands against your hips. He held on tight as he thickly coated your insides. He thrusted rapidly through his orgasm, properly mixing his cum with yours, until a filthy mess ran down your thighs. Your mind and body felt so full. You breathed a deep sigh into the wrinkled comforter.

Suddenly, a fist pounded firmly on wood behind you. Your heart leaped up your throat. You craned your neck around, wide-eyes darting between an extremely satisfied Matsukawa… and the door.

“I swear to god!” Makki used the most intimidating voice he could muster, “If you-y’all are fucking.. in my room right now!”

“We’re not fucking...” Mattsun called, tugging his filthy cock from your insides, “anymore.”

“Issei.” Makki was speechless.

“Ooooh,” Oikawa hiccuped from somewhere down the hall, “kinky.”

[queer-goddess-of-the-hunt]

Essek Thelyss: A Critical Role Playlist

Spotify Link

List of songs and quotes/explanations under the cut

Liar by The Arcadian Wild “I am the host of this hostility; I’m the master magician that makes you believe; I’m real, I’m not fake, but in reality; I’m a lying man.” I completely blame this PMV for this song being here, but it’s also the perfect Essek song.

Are You Satisfied? by MARINA “High achiever, don’t you see? Baby, nothings comes for free; They say I’m a control freak; Driven by a greed to succeed; Nobody can stop me.” Yes, it is necessary for three MARINA songs to be here, I would put every single MARINA song in here if I could, she is a pretty great representation of how I view Essek.

The Logical Song by Supertramp “I said, watch what you say or they’ll be calling you a radical; Liberal, oh fanatical, criminal; Won’t you sign up your name, we’d like to feel you’re acceptable; Respectable, oh presentable, a vegetable.” He’s just so curious and frustrated by his people being so focused on religion.

Soft to Be Strong by MARINA “And I made myself believe; Other people wanted to hurt me; I took my bitterness and made it sweet; I took a broken heart and made it beat.” This song 100% also suites Caleb, but these two are quite similar to each other, so.

Oh No! by MARINA “Don’t do love, don’t do friends; I’m only after success; Don’t need a relationship; I’ll never soften my grip.” Essek before he met the Mighty Nein, he was sure of himself and convinced he was fine on his own.

Giving Me A Chance by Gotye “I wish I could undo what I’ve done; Give back the faith in me you had.” “I know I let you down; But you’re giving me a chance.”  The Nein find out what he did, and rather than being cruel to him, they gave him a second chance.

Left Behind from Spring Awakening “A shadow passed, a shadow passed; Yearning, yearning; For the fool it called a home; All things he ever wished are left behind; All the things his mama did to make him mind; And how his dad had hoped he’d grow.” I know this song is about someone’s death, but, in a way, Essek’s old self died and he became someone new.

Time After Time by Cyndi Lauper “If you’re lost you can look and you will find me; Time after time; If you fall, I will catch you, I’ll be waiting; Time after time.” Time is his specialty. Anyways, despite the terrible thing he did, he is very reliable for the Nein, all the way to the end.

trust by Christina Perri “And I’m so quick to lose what was never mine to keep; And I cannot stand what’s broken under me; I don’t know how to forgive myself for everything; But I must learn trust.”

Pluto by Sleeping At Last “Show me where my armor ends; Show me were my skin begins; Like a final puzzle piece; It all makes perfect sense to me; The heaviness that I hold in my heart belongs to gravity.”

Illuminated by Hurts “Time waits for no one; So do you want to waste some time; Don’t be afraid of tomorrow; Just take my hand, I’ll make it feel so much better tonight.”

I’ll Be Good by Jaymes Young “I’ll be good, I’ll be good; And I’ll love the world like I should; Yeah, I’ll be good, I’ll be good; For all of the times that I never could.” Again, this song also really fits for Caleb.

Achilles Come Down by Gang of Youths “Achilles, Achilles, Achilles, jump now; You are absent of cause or excuse; So self-indulgent and self-referential; No audience could ever want you; You crave the applause yet hate the attention; Then miss it, your act is a ruse.” Oddly, I think the darker parts of the song are the most accurate to Essek. But the first verse could be seen as Caleb speaking, especially “redemption lies plainly in truth.”

Would That I by Hozier “With the war of the fire; My heart moves to its feet; Like the ashes of ash; I saw eyes in the heat; Feel it soft and as pure as snow; Fell in love with the fire long ago.” I see the fire as referring to Caleb. I see this song as representative of Shadowgast, especially because of this animatic.

All This And Heaven Too by Florence + The Machine “I would give all this and heaven too; I would give it all if only for a moment; That I could just understand; The meaning of the word you see; ‘Cause I’ve been scrawling it forever; But it never makes sense to me at all.” The searching for knowledge and wanting to understand others, becoming more empathetic.

An Act Of Kindness by Bastille “An act of kindness; Is what you showed to me; It caught me by surprise; In this town of glass and ice; Kindness, So many people passed me by; But you warmed me to my core; And you left me wanting more.” I think the Nein were the first people that truly showed him kindness and it affected him in a big way.

War of Hearts by Ruelle “Stay with me; A little longer; I will wait for you; Shadows creep; And want grows stronger; Deeper than the truth.” This doesn’t necessarily apply to Shadowgast in canon, but I personally see this as a Shadowgast song :) (I also saw someone mention it on a post here but I have forgotten who)

What I’ve Done by Linkin Park “So let mercy come and wash away; What I’ve done; I’ll face myself; To cross out what I’ve become; Erase myself; And let go of what I’ve done.” This song belongs to any character who has made terrible mistakes in the past, so it belongs here.

NFWMB by Hozier “When I first saw you; The end was soon; To Bethlehem it slouched and then; It must’ve caught a good look at you.”

In Case You Don’t Live Forever by Ben Platt “In case you don't live forever, let me tell you now; I love you more than you'll ever wrap your head around; In case you don't live forever, let me tell you the truth; I'm everything that I am because of you”

I quickly grew attached to this character and needed to make a playlist for him. I may add more in the future, but here it is.

[soulvomit]

I have to cop to this because I feel like it’s the biggest obsessive thing wrecking my life

This has taken the place of every possible special interest I could have.

Here's the thing:

My "special interests" in the last 15 years or more, have predominantly been internal/in my head. 

I'm obsessed with my own made-up social theories, meta, my own observations, shit from the inside of my head, etc... and I can write about it all endlessly online. Like I’m doing now! 

Then I get started analyzing my own thoughts then analyzing the thoughts about those thoughts. 

I can also spend all day just posting about myself and analyzing parts of my life.

I LOSE WHOLE DAYS. I can spend all day  just posting. I can sit here, not eat all day, and just post. In fact the whole “whether ASD” thing with me has triggered the biggest spate of nothing but longposting and navel analysis that I’ve done in a long time. 

When I get the urge to post something, if I indulge it, then one thought leads to another thought leads to another...

Thing is, if I didn't write online, I'd just talk the ear off of other people and I feel like just posting online is what siphons off the frenetic talk energy for me. Also I don’t feel like I can have these conversations with anyone IRL, online is my most fluid way to talk.

The way I put it to someone earlier, is that it's like having to sit on the toilet all day so that you don't poop your pants in public and end up socially ostracized. If I don't constantly post, I will TALK, and... it's my absolute most difficult sperg trait for other people to live with.

Also I feel like I am only "real" online. Like I'm not authentic with people I know IRL. And compartmentalizing my autistic self into the online world and only doing what I have to offline, has been my big way of coping. I would talk my partner’s ear off, rapidly and self-centeredly, without this.

I'm 48. I can't live like this forever. I have no real actual hobbies at present, I'm struggling with pushing my career forward, this is really fucktastic!

It's like there is an obsessive quality to this. I can dwell on the same topic for weeks in my posts, too, and restate some of the same points over and over.

I used to be an interesting person whose special interests were about *things* (such as medical science 2004-2009.) Who spent a lot of this writing/talking compulsion on writing fiction (prolifically.) Usually I had some topically related special interest coupled with writing a story that incorporated aspects of it. 

I have not done this in ages, very little gets as much attention as my longposting does. And it's like I use up my executive function, and become exhausted, doing it.

It's not even just the internet, because i only hang out in a tiny corner of the internet. It's not even just zombie scrolling; I am fine with just checking my Facebook 2x a day or so.It's the energy I spend writing longposts on Reddit and Tumblr. It's not even enjoyable. And because it is my Special Interest basically - I can't even really absorb anything else. 

I can't stop once I start. I can't keep myself from doing it again. I am beginning to hate that I do this. 

But it's like I pour the most self-focused side of myself into these spaces so I can act normal the rest of the time and only very minimally bring myself up in conversation.

It's like... I use the internet as the repository for certain things I need, because I have me-specific needs that the rest of my world can't really meet.

Also, so many of my special interest focuses in the last 15 years (10 of those are the heaviest period of masking I've ever done in my life) are entirely focused within myself - my own self-referential theories, my own made up social taxonomies, etc - as well as sometimes getting deeply into “how to people”/self improvement spaces - which I can't even really share with other people IRL, or talk about. I feel like I am wasting my intelligence and creativity on this.

 Somehow I fell down this weird navel-gaze rabbit hole years ago and can't get out. 

That said, I don't feel like the people around me are particularly intellectual. I feel like every time I have an intellectually based special interest, or get obsessed with something I'm reading, I feel very lonely. 

But I can always talk pop psychology and develop my weird theories that are basically mental masturbation and spread manifestoes across the internet basically and somehow that's less lonely? What's the logic?

It was this that made me start to believe that perhaps I wasn't autistic after all because I did not consider my internet addiction a special interest. 

My most intense period of long-posting about mental masturbation, ever, began roughly at about the time when I began to think that instead I had ADHD, a diagnosis I got in 2008, 4 years after my Asperger diagnosis.

But it's not that I wasn't doing something autistic, I was doing something actually extremely autistic in several senses of the term.

And making up my own bullshit theories has a compulsive quality to it. Perhaps it's that I'm trying to order the world from inside my head. I don't know.

[baggebythesea]

Listened to Achilles Come Down by Gang of Youths while reading the latest chapter (which by the way AAAAAAAH) and wow these lyrics fit very well

Achilles, Achilles, Achilles, come down Won't you get up off, get up off the roof? The self is not so weightless, nor whole and unbroken Remember the pact of our youth Where you go, I'm going, so jump and I'm jumping Since there is no me without you

Today of all days, see How the most dangerous thing is to love

Achilles, Achilles, Achilles, jump now You are absent of cause or excuse So self-indulgent and self-referential No audience could ever want you

Achilles, Achilles, just put down the bottle Don't listen to what you've consumed It's chaos, confusion and wholly unworthy Of feeding and it's wholly untrue You may feel no purpose nor a point for existing It's all just conjecture and gloom And there may not be meaning, so find one and seize it Do not waste yourself on this roof

Daaaaaaang.

Catra and Glimmer are many things together - and one of them is 'codependent'

[kendrixtermina]

The Types as Musicians

i was initially doing research to make “unstereotypic own words playlists” for the other 8 types after i made the 5 one, but i soon realized that i wouldnt have enough material for many of them. 

Personality Database proved utterly useless in this endeavor because they type everyone & their dog as infj 4. 

It’s like they’re too preoccupied with empty praise to really try to understand what makes their favs the way they are. 

Still, this is what i noticed trying to look up musicians of different types. 

1:

drawing a blank, maybe they’re all in classical or some other genre I don’t listen to. 

2:

I can only think of Dolly Parton

3: 

Their songs come in roughly two genres: “self-referential badassitude hymn” and “unironic passionate lovesong” ( can also be directed at friends or Family). The latter are the really good ones IMHO. 

Examples:

Britney Spears

Taylor Swift

christina aquilera 

madonna

bebe rexha

4:

I think most of you can picture this one. theyre very concentrated in the arts.  Back in my day it was rockbands, nowadays a lot of them are in indie. 

Of course saying this is tantamout to summoning att the ones from the woodworks who like some completely different genres and do not want to be associated with the above

[ducks]

Examples: 

 Amy Lee of Evanescence

Emilie Autumn

Taylor Momsen of The Pretty Reckless

Toopoor

marylin manson

the frontman from mindless self indulgence. 

the mcr frontman

lana del rey

Jonathan Davis from Korn

5:

Avantgardistic and high-concept stuff. Grunge, Metal, and a sizeable fraction of  european bands that dont sing in English

Also, nearly all those “one guy and his laptop” acts 

Examples:

Kurt Cobain of Nirvana

Trenz Reznor of NiN

Honey Malecki of Welle Erdball

Matt Bellamy of Muse

Thom Yorke

Whoever was in charge of lyrics for the earlier albums of In Flames. i bet you my glasses. 

Blixa Bargeld of Einstürzende Neubauten

Sophie Xeon 

6:

supposedly theres quite a lot of them in hiphop/rap as well but im not an expert in that. probably punk & alt rock, too. You’ll recognize that those two genres often have alot of quick rapid fire lyrics.

The ones I was personally familiar with were mostly singer-songwriter types

Examples: 

Mitski

Meg Myers

La Roux

if you asked me to find the common denominator of these, i would say “a lot of feelings”. 

7:

Also come in two grenres: “Terribly Sad Wailing Breakup Song” and “associative Thinking galore creativity explosion”, surprising propensity of ‘layered’ writing where a song will sometimes be about several things at once

Sometimes the same artist will go back and forth between Wailing Breakup and Creativity Explosion, or even pull off both at once. 

Lady Gaga

Tori Amos 

Lindsay Stirling (the violinist)

amy winehouse

rihanna

Fiona Apple

Cardi B

8: 

There were not many examples but i did find a few:

Garbage’s Shirley Manson

P!nk

Peaches

What would I say the common denominator is? It’s dangerous to extrapolate from so few data points, but I’d say a love of scandalous costumes, and the more emotional songs having an undercurrent of tiredness.

9: 

Many widely beloved, ‘iconic’ artists with devoted worshippers. A lot of colorful dreamy/whimsical clothes & aesthetic. 

Otherwise run a pretty wide gamut.  I see a lot more common through-lines with 9 writers. (though many of them are also super beloved household names)

Examples: 

Shakira

Hayley kiyoko

Lil nas x

Beyonce

Ashnikko

Björk

Enya

Note that contrary to popular belief not all of these even have a vibe that could be described as particularly chill. if anything the through line seems to be flexibility & quirkyness. 

its striking that i was familiar with so many of their names & the few most famous songs though im not a big fan of any of these nor intently following popculture. theyre just very popular & ppl frequently gush about them. 

Seems like type 9 has the optimum balance of unique creativity and broad relatable appeal. Plus, you can talk in normal-sized sentences unlike us head types

[bisexualsmackingnoises]

Date anon again! Have you posted your ocs?? I don't think I've seen them srry if someone already asked about them!

Hey date anon! Thank you so much for your ask about my OCs, it means a lot to me that people are interested in them! I had this laying around in my inbox for an era and a half, but I thought now would be the perfect time to release them!

If anyone wants to learn more about these babes, just ask! I put a lot of time and love into them.

HAPPY 150+ FOLLOWERS, EVERYONE!

My (Main) JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Vento Aureo OCs!

Daphne Libertina (she/her)

Say HIII GIRLIEEE to my first and most developed Vento Aureo OC, Daphne! She’s your classic Y2K aesthetic airhead archetype. While designing her, I found Bimbo TikTok and fell in love with the aesthetic and the ideology. Because of this, a lot of the ditzy behaviour I worked into Daphne’s personality and design is inspired by Chrissy Chlapecka’s New Age Bimbo. She’s kind of a hyperfeminine vessel for whatever “girly” sentiments I have as well. I’m not that outwardly feminine in my daily life (I have a gender crisis every second week, subscribe for more!), so Daph was an experiment in expressing it elsewhere. This resulted in a newfound obsession with the colour pink and a renewed love for characters like Elle Woods and Cher Horowitz.

You might know her from my absolute banger of an art debut, the “Nectar” post*. Her besties include @blackevermore’s Chiara, @amarettocoffee’s Gina, and @bucciaratis-titty-window’s Strelitzia. Love ya galz, xoxo!

Stand: Scarlet Letter (Namesake: The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne [Book]). Alternatively**, Teen Idle (Namesake: Teen Idle by MARINA [Song])

*DISCLAIMER: She does not actually do… that. Even if @bucciaratis-titty-window says otherwise. Don’t listen to her. (That being said, take a wild guess who I ship her with.)

**“Why does she have two stand names?” Her stand was developed as SL but TI adheres to the music reference stand criteria. That being said, it’s a creative choice that I use SL regardless. Both pieces of media play a huge part in her foundation.

Capriccio “Crema” Solitario (they/them)

Described often by my friends as a feral noodle, Capriccio—codename Crema*—is my compulsory “Hey, I kinda wanna bang literally all of La Squadra???” self insert that gives me intense gender envy. Capri started out as a joke character, as their old name was “La Squadra Thot” or “LST” for short (take from that what you will). This was eventually shortened to “La Thotra” … until I gave them a tragic backstory and a real personality. That being said, their base function was still present in their later design: they were La Squadra Esecuzioni’s stress toy for a little while, but eventually settled down with two of my favourite assassin degenerates and holds their own as a valuable member of the team.

Stand: Mindless Self Indulgence/MSI (Namesake: Mindless Self Indulgence [Band])

*I have a headcanon that La Squadra’s “names” are all codenames, and that they have perfectly reasonable—if not slightly referential—normal names.

Lucetta “Lulu” Vitali (she/her/they/them)

Lucetta is probably the closest OC I have to a genuine self insert—she’s the most like me out of all of my JoJo OCs, anyway. Funnily enough, she doesn’t have that much development outside of her relationship dynamic with her long-term boyfriend*. I’m still trying to figure out how to translate all of me—or at least the key parts of me—into her and how she lives. Stay tuned for that. For now, I’ll bet that she’s working an entry level position in the writing industry, a projection of my future (hopefully).

Dierdre Darling (she/her)

Stand: N/A—just a regular ol’ person.

*For the record, I'm actually currently single & happy that way. Lulu, however, is dating her high school sweetheart. Guess who!

Mild gore warning on this one, she's... special.

Dierdre came to me in a moment of exercise delirium while listening to Blood Eater by Mom, and was inspired by the way zombies work in the TV show iZombie. Well, that’s how her stand works, anyway. She began Araki-style, power first and character second. She’s a shrill, unhinged woman with an insatiable craving for human flesh, blood and bone. She’s kinda like Secco, but worse. And yes, those teeth are purposefully, cosmetically sharpened. Also, a Unita Speciale member. Ask @bucciaratis-titty-window who babysits her.

She’s not exactly “with” anyone right now, but the joke at the beginning of her development was that she’d fallen hopelessly in love with a man who could create the rot and decay of time before her very eyes… oh, did I mention she’s fascinated by decay?

Stand: Living Dead Girl (Namesake: Living Dead Girl by Rob Zombie [Song])