#this is very much jam too

[teruel-a-witch]

For the trope mash up- couldn't pass up 'Arranged marriage + marriage of convenience' because I actually was thinking about it and wondered how you would make it happen with trans!Danny.

The extent to which this is my jam, my jelly, my raspberry preserves? An excruciating extent, lemme tell you.

We’re going Full Historical Fantasy w/ this, I think. Magic and bullshit. This got so fucking long.

•

So, let’s say that there is a war. A fantasy war between fantasy nations. The cliché fight between the clashing egos of Kings and Emperors.

And a young Steve McGarrett (like 23/24) gets conscripted. Because he’s got that touch of magic. He can pull the water towards him, push it away. Once as a child, he shoved a river to a standstill for a full thirty minutes, leaving water to overflow the banks, tumble against rocks. When he was done, he folded the river back into itself, before passing out for two days, and deciding to leave nature to its own devices.

He learns the ins and outs of how to be a Battle Mage on the fly, out of necessity. Caught in the middle of a fire fight with cannons booming, and the screams of his peers echoing around him. But he’s good at war, sad as it is to say. Good following orders and giving them.

They partner him with another young man touched by magic. Daniel Williams. And where Steve can pull and push water, Danny can make fire dance. Can hold it in his hand, can coax it to follow his whim, can ask it to burn brighter and hotter, and it does.

They share a tent, and it’s almost a disaster. Danny won’t shut up about how Steve’s too reckless, too wild. And Steve thinks Danny is too hesitant, too prone to assuming the worst outcome. They snip and they argue, at each other’s throats more often than not.

Until the first time they step onto a battle field side by side.

Because the thing is. Water and fire make steam, and steam scalds. Steam can burn without the destruction of the forest around them, without eating more fuel than they need it to.

The two of them are a Force of Nature. Water Steve can work with, but ice and snow refuse to listen, frozen in place. And that doesn’t matter, when Danny’s there. When Danny’s there, with the ice melt answering Steve’s beck and call, they can do anything. The rain could stop Danny in his tracks, but if Steve’s there to protect Danny from the downpour, Danny can still raise a wall of fire.

It’s brutal and it’s ugly, because that’s how war is.  

They laugh together. They cry together. They sit together in their tiny miserable tent, mud caked on their shoes. They share rations and complain about the long, long road ahead of them.

Danny’s shyer around the rest of the men, then Steve is. Danny chooses to bathe on his own, avoids things when the roughhousing gets too boisterous. There are scars on Danny’s chest, almost as if he’d been burnt, twin lines under his pecs, jagged and messy. Steve wants to ask about them, wants to know how Danny could have possibly burned himself, when he can grab a burning long from the fire in his bare hands.

As far as Steve knows, he’s the only one who’s seen them.

He assumes that’s where Danny’s shyness comes from.

They’re partners for over a year. A horrible, wonderful year. Despite the bloodshed, despite the loss, part of Steve treasures it.

Steve watches the line of Danny’s jaw when he smiles, thinks about reaching out to touch it. Thinks about pressing a kiss to Danny’s upturned mouth.

He never does.

•

The war isn’t going well. Their partnership is terminated, Danny ordered off to join a different front line. The men are spread too thin, they’ve lost too many battle mages, to pair them off.

Steve hugs Danny tightly at, at the parting of ways. Danny clings back.

“I’ll see you later, yeah?” Danny says, slapping Steve hard on the back. His voice is thick, his bright eyes over shiny.

“Yeah, partner.”

On the river next to them, a steamship groans with the weight of war. There are hundreds of people in a crush around them. Soldiers. Nurses. Provisions and weaponry.

Steve watches Danny board, and can’t shake the fear that they won’t, in fact, see each other later.

•

They exchange the few letters they can. It takes weeks, for the mail to reach its destination. Danny’s handwriting is sloped but neat, and his letters crammed with profanity, jokes. He complains about the rain. Steve keeps them tucked inside his vest, close to his heart, the way other men keep letters from their women at home.               

Six months after Danny’s sent away, Steve hears word about the Battle on the Cliff’s Edge. Hears about the losses.

Battle Mage Williams is one of them.

Steve weeps until he’s sick with it.

•

Another year, and the war ends. Peace brokered between two nations, as if they haven’t spent two and a half years killing each other by the thousands.

Steve makes his way home a war hero, celebrated by countryside sighing in relief.

His father’s getting older. The running of the estate falls onto Steve’s shoulders, as it was always supposed to.

He lays awake at night, when the memories of blood and broken bone pushed through skin keep him from sleeping. When he fears closing his eyes, for the sense memory of the stench of infection and death.

He thinks about what might have happened if he hadn’t been so cowardly with the time he’d had with Danny. Thinks about what might happened, if he’d done it. Thinks about if Danny would have kissed him back.

Another year passes.  

Steve wears tailored suits instead of a uniform, and tries to remember how to be a man and not a Mage.

Another year gone.

Steve goes out to the lake some nights, and pulls the water up and out of it. Makes it settle in the air. Watches it shimmer in the moonlight, and then slowly lets it fall.

He still dreams of Danny’s smile.

•

“You need to marry,” His father says.

“I know,” Steve replies.

He has no interest in women, never has. But his father is getting older. Mary has already left, fled to a better life elsewhere in a city across the country. Steve’s bitter about it. Bitter she had the chance. Bitter that she took it.

“I can send out a few letters, arrange somethings,” He father says gently, “There are plenty of other houses, with daughters to spare.”

Daughters to spare is an understatement. The war left many women widowed, and many more without the option for a husband in the first place.

Steve isn’t interested in anyone’s daughter.

“Fine,” Steve says dismissively.

He may as well. It’s easier, than the other option. The estate is relatively isolated. There’s a village nearby, but Steve would have to travel a week to reach the nearest town, and two weeks to reach the city. He’s never been one for schmoozing. He doesn’t want to swan around crowded parties as an eligible bachelor. Doesn’t want to dance with women he’ll have to fight with himself to try and love.

•

The letters arrive in droves.

Decorated War Hero with a Landed Estate Looking for a Wife apparently draws quite a bit of interest.

“Can’t I just marry you?” Steve asks Catherine.

They’re on the covered porch, trying to enjoy what breeze they can. He’s read fifteen letters, and has countless more to sort through.

“Absolutely not,” Catherine laughs.

She lives in the neighboring estate, and she’s blessed that her family is wealthy enough that she needs no husband. Her disinterest in men could probably rival Steve’s disinterest in women.

“I can’t see why I can’t be a confirmed bachelor,” Steve grumbles, tossing another letter to the side, “Since you’re allowed to be an old maid.”

���It’s because my sister-in-law has already squeezed out a child,” Catherine says vulgarly, with an inelegant snort, “And it’s your misfortune to be the only McGarrett tasked with providing an heir.”

Steve leans back in the chair and stairs at the pile of envelopes laid out before him. A disgusting chore. All of them contain a quick pitch for why someone’s daughter would be the perfect match for him, a gushing explanation of her beauty and elegance, with no information on her personality at all. Most of them contain a portrait, tiny black and white photos to offer the smallest glimpse of who she is.

Steve has yet to find any of them remotely interesting.

“Oh, this one is from a Williams Family,” Catherine says.

Steve sits up straight immediately. Williams isn’t an uncommon name, but it still makes Steve feel – something. He doesn’t know.

“Your partner was a Williams, wasn’t he?” Catherine asks, picking up on Steve’s interest.

“Danny did mention having sisters,” Steve says, but the idea puts a bitter taste at the back of his throat.

That’d be tacky, wouldn’t it? Chasing after another Williams, on the hope that she’s related to Danny. That she might be the barest shadow of a man Steve once knew.

“Josephine Williams,” Catherine says, and tosses a photo on the table, “A little older than you, so almost an old maid herself. She’s pretty enough.”

Steve picks up the photo and –

And –

Stares.

Because despite the long hair, despite the lack of stubble, Josephine Williams has a shocking resemblance to Danny.

Even her smile is the same.

And Danny mentioned sisters, but he didn’t mention a twin.

•

Steve writes back on impulse, because he can’t not. Not with this strange Josephine looking at him in the photo with Danny’s eyes. It seems that the Williams’ only son Matthew is the one organizing his sister’s search for a husband. He’s nice enough on paper, excited by Steve’s interest. Probably eager to get Josephine out of the house, to have the cost for her care shifted onto the shoulders of another.

The Williams live in the second nearest city. Steve travels the two weeks to the train station in the city that’s closest to him, and from there it only takes him another five hours to get to where the Williams live.

He’s acting like a fool. He feels stupid, but more than that he’s holding onto a wild and delirious hope because she-

She looks too fucking much like Danny, for this to be a coincidence.

Steve looks his best, he made sure of that. He cleans up well and he knows it. His suit is a few years out of the current fashion, but it flatters him. Matthew Williams greets him at the door, shakes Steve’s hand firmly, and leads him to the parlor.

Steve stands awkwardly, and proceeds to overhear a hissed argument in the other room.

“I fucking told you; I don’t want a fucking husband!”

Shit. God. That voice –

It’s not quite as deep as Steve remembers, but the tone is the same, the cadence –

“This is the exact same way you scared off the last one!”

The door to the parlor slams open. Looking deeply uncomfortable in a dress and corset, and very clearly not dead, Daniel Williams stands in the doorway.

Steve fumbles, almost drops his hat.

Because it is Danny. Danny without the smattering of stubble, without the hair that used to dust his chest and arms, but Danny none the less.

And sure, Steve almost drops his hat, but that’s nothing, because Danny freezes. Danny’s eyes get comically wide, and he blurts out:

“What the fuck?”

Steve laughs, hysterical and shocked. He can’t help it. That’s Danny, there’s no doubt.

“You’re alive?” He manages.

Behind Danny (Danny. Danny. Danny’s alive!) Matthew Williams boggles at them.

“Oh my god,” Matthew Williams says, “That’s why the name was familiar.”

Danny turns around and, without hesitation, shoves his brother bodily out of the room, and slams the door closed.

“I’m eavesdropping!” Matthew Williams calls, something like glee in his voice.

Steve’s striding over before he knows it, reaching a hand out to touch Danny’s arm. Alive. He’s alive.

“You’re alive,” Steve says again, and his voice is rough with emotion. His eyes are burning, all of a sudden.

“Steve – ” Danny’s eyes are still huge, and he’s staring up at Steve. He looks so very different, hair curled in what is no doubt the latest style, a smear of pink on his lips, tiny golden hoops in his ears.

Steve pulls him into a hug.

It’s deeply inappropriate, to grab a woman like this. An unmarried woman, none the less. But this is Danny.

Danny, who hugs him back just as fiercely.

“What the hell,” Steve says, when he can bring himself to pull away. He holds Danny at arm’s length, and stares. He’d feel weirder about it, he knows it’s rude, but Danny is staring just the same.

“I mourned you,” Steve says next, blurts it out before he can think better of it, and then – “Why didn’t you write?”

“What was I supposed to write?” Danny says, sounding a little hysterical himself, but still holding onto Steve’s elbow with an iron grip, “That I wasn’t who you thought I was? That I was a woman the whole time?”

“Is that who you are?” Steve asks, “Josephine? Is that who you are?”

Because it’s so strange, so weird. To think of Danny like that. Steve doesn’t know a Josephine. He knows a Danny.

“No,” Danny says, and his voice cracks a little, “I – no. No. I’m Danny.”

“Then you could have just written me as Danny,” Steve says, “If you’re not Josephine, I don’t give a shit about her. I care about you. I mourned you.”

They just stand there looking at each other, for a long, long moment.

“Shit,” Danny says eventually.

Steve blinks, and feels something hot run down his cheek, realizes that he’s begun to cry.

“Sit down,” Danny starts to usher him to one of the couches, “I guess. Shit,” He says again, “I’ll explain.”

“Good to know you still swear like a goddamn sailor,” Steve says, falling onto the couch with a grin.

“Yeah,” Danny sits down heavily next to him.  

He’s still holding onto Steve’s arm.

Steve doesn’t want him to let go.

“I’m pretty good, with other magic,” Danny starts, “And I’ve – well, I’ve never been good at being a woman. But magic can help with that, some ways are more permanent than others.”

He gestures at his chest, which is flat in a way that a corset can’t disguise. Steve thinks of the scars.

“And they needed magic users, when the war started,” Danny shrugs his shoulder, “But they don’t let women do that, you know? So, I uh. There are potions, that make me more – ”

He trails off, looks at Steve. He’s nervous, Steve realizes. Steve can’t imagine why.

“More masculine?” Steve offers.

“Yeah,” Danny continues, “And my options here were just. Get married to some man. So, when the war started, I saw my chance. I cut my hair off and volunteered. I was gonna make a career out of it. Stop having to be a woman all together.”

“And then what? You faked your death?” Steve says “At the Battle on the Cliff’s Edge?”

“I was injured, at the Battle on the Cliff’s Edge,” Danny corrects, and he sounds bitter, “Magic helps, but it doesn’t completely change me. They found out in the infirmary. As soon as I recovered, they kicked me out. Shipped me back here.”

“That was fucking stupid,” Steve says, because what the hell. They needed Battle Mages, at that point in the war. What morons would throw an excellent one away, for something as stupid as this?

Danny nods and scowls.

“There’s no way I’d be able to just get a different name and try again, my magic is too obvious,” Danny says, “So now I’m here. I do need to find a husband,” He says it like it’s a curse, “My parents can’t afford so many daughters. But I’m still uh. Bad. At being a woman.”

Oh.  

“Marry me,” Steve says.

Danny’s back to staring.

“You need to marry, I need to marry,” Steve shrugs, “I don’t care if you’re bad at being a woman. Frankly I think I prefer you as a man.”

He doesn’t mean to add that last bit, but it comes out anyway. Maybe it’s because he’s still in shock, from Danny being alive and next to him on the couch. But it’s true. Besides, it makes perfect sense. It’s fate, that they found each other again.

“…Marry you,” Danny says, after a beat.

His eyes are so very blue and bright.

“Marry me,” Steve repeats.

“I – okay,” Danny grins, “Yes.”

•

John’s a little weirded out, that his son went off to the city for a wife, and came back with a husband? But as soon as Danny explains the whole “bad at being a woman thing” John is just like “Are grandchildren still a possibility?”

“Yes,” Danny blushes. He’s not. He and Steve had Not Discussed even the possibility of actually consummating their marriage, much less having a family together. He wants kids but that’s. That’s a problem they can figure out later.

“That’s all that matters, welcome to the family son,” John claps him on the shoulder.

And Danny kind of hates being reduced to just a baby factory, but if it keeps his new father in law off his back, he'll take it.

Steve doesn’t know this, but Danny had also spent many a night in that tent, wanting to kiss at Steve’s smile. Danny gets to start doing his ~magic potions~ that let him masculinize again, shocked and delighted that Steve’s okay with having a man instead of a wife.

And then they spend MONTHS as a married couple. Nay. YEARS. Tortured by sexual and romantic tension. Just stewing in it. Both of them convinced that this was only for convenience’s sake. And their friendship is Too Important to rock the boat.

Lots of sitcom shenanigans, because John believes them to be at least attempting to provide a McGarrett heir. It only adds to the tension. They both wanna smooch so bad.

Eventually they do, of course. And then they have lots of hot married sex. And have Grace and Charlie. And live happily ever after.

[cobaltfluff]

wherein akechi avoids looking at his reflection as he sees too much of his mother in his own appearance

[lameotello]

The Hobbit book is less gay than the movie, but I still greatly enjoy the relationship between Thorin and Bilbo in the book. When Thorin smiles all proud while locked up in an Elven dungeon, noting how much he's come to care for and respect Bilbo? Yeah that does things to my heart

[orange-artblog]

i made another kid for dark cream (specifically the flavour of it that @zu-is-here made !! ) called Marinade… just because!

heh. yeah bet you didnt Imagine that

below the coat (yeah they have arms… surprise! (those pants are called „peekaloons“ btw))

[forecast0ctopus]

Do you like any Star Trek besides TOS? I haven’t actually seen it, but I’m a big fan of TNG, Voyager and DS9 :3

ive only seen tos, aos, and im on season 5 of tng!! im working my way through slowly but surely lmao

[hyohaehyuk]

thejamlore: season 2 was a “tough adjustment” for jacob and sam:

R: last year, they had each other […] not the case this year J: any day where sam is there is a good day for me 😊

Video: IWTV S2 BTS

Article: SFX Magazine – May 2024 / EVERAND - LOST IN THE SHADOWS (unfortunately you need to pay to read)

[ladamedusoif]

I have been a bit quiet of late on here...but for once, it's a good thing. I was off having the time of my life in NYC!!

I rarely feel immediately comfortable in a place in the way I did in NYC and I'm still at a loss to explain why. It just...fitted with my brain. There are too many magic things to recall - the view from 30 Rock, witnessing a total solar eclipse along with half of NYU in Washington Square Park...

I saw artworks I never expected to see in real life (the Signac portrait of French writer Félix Fénéon at MoMA, on the left) and that chimed nicely with my vibe (the painting of the young woman on right, at the Met, called...'A Rose').

I cried at the Tenement Museum in dealing with my family history, and had one of the greatest martinis of my life at Bemelman's Bar.

And best of all, I got to hang out with @paulmescal-s in real life, eat Spanish food, walk the High Line, blush like sluts at t-shirts featuring That Man, and answer the question "hey, are you both wearing Diego Luna t-shirts?" while buying cheesecake.

Next time I'm going back to the NYPL to work in the reading room that bears my name.

Oh, and obviously I bought these, in Economy Candy on the Lower East Side.

I miss that goddamned city so much.

[flufflecat]

The effigy continues

[ningtual]

oh i'm gonna be so annoying about this album..... i even took notes while listening to this just now...

[thoughtpeek]

I'VE FINALLY FINISHED BROTHERSHIP IT WAS SOOOOO GOOD!!!!!!!

[jammincreature]

i enter the my shop catalogue i black out and i wake up with several new dragons in my inventory i may have a problem

[hauntedziosportrait]

WHAT THE HELL GABE'S AJ AU / Epilogue 💫

🖋️ NOTES:

So erm. Hey jamblr. Here's that au I promised you. It is lacking a name. This is currently a huge HUGE HUGE wip but what I will say is i have had this headworld and story in my brain for a pretty scary amount of time. Now I am making the mature decision and taking a step from imagining animatics in my head to making an actual story!! As of right now, I have very intense artblock, so I'm bringing it upon myself to write for this AU instead!!

This was inspired by probably a lot of stuff, notably FOTS by Greeky and a whole bunch of AJ headcanons I have mashed together into a slightly salty stew.

⚠️ WARNINGS:

An insatiable amount of cringe

The very original idea of an apocalypse AU

Autism

Greely says a bad word and instantly gets sent to the seventh circle of hell

Enjoy jamblr. You stinky stinky individuals

---------------------------------------------

A delicate feather was carried by the wind from its birthplace and took time to settle as the wrath of the winds sailed it about the sky endlessly. This delicate feather- she, a delicate feather, had lesser expertise with a realm such as this. Despite never having seen it, she had heard innumerable myths and legends about it and had researched Jamaa throughout the ages. As she landed amidst the chaos and apocalypse, she spread the scrolls of her map with two eager wings. She then, excited as can be, soared up and above the lands to look down on it, comparing it to the papyrus in her grasp. Apart from some tiny geographic inaccuracies, she was mostly right about what she thought Jamaa would resemble. Her sole hyperfocus for as long as she had been living was right here in front of her. Her map and other tools of the trade were no longer necessary.

She went by the name Io'lani, and if she had friends, they would undoubtedly refer to her as Lani, but since she didn't, that was that. Her name meant "royal hawk", although she was neither royal nor a hawk. She had been around a very long time but mostly in captivity; her living quarters resided in some sort of third-dimensional space as she watched the centuries go by. Originally, she was created to be a faux offspring for the two guardian spirits to embrace and love as their own, the way parents would cherish a newborn babe, but their heavenly duties consistently got in the way of that. She wasn't necessarily forgotten, neglected, or abused- but her existence was merely an afterthought for the Sky Mother Mira, and barely a thought at all for the (mostly) unaware Zios.

Promptly, as a being of balance, and the product of the two holy deities that brought life to Jamaa, Io'lani's emergence in a time of destruction and despair was foretold in literature and books written by the most fanatical of scholars and theorists.

Io'lani emerged, of course. I just described her descent to you. The problem was that she wasn't quite sure what she was meant to do.

Her eyes darted as she stared at the gloomy surroundings. Buildings once bursting with life had been knocked down and torn apart for materials by scavenging jammers who were desperate to survive. The greenery and plants were now wilted and desaturated. The rivers, now a goopy inkwell. Once there were animals united by friendship, now wicked phantoms united by their desire to destroy and multiply. The hiss of black smoke filled Io'lani's lungs and she coughed, covering her beak with the edges of her mask.

This is not how Jamaa was supposed to be. Where were the cheers and laughter of water slides, movie theatres, and young mammals venturing out into the wild? Where was the happy haven that she had been assured existed? As she floated and landed at different locations, pointing to her whereabouts on the map, she analyzed her positioning with precise craftsmanship.

Crystal Sands' warm, golden shoreline had vanished and been replaced with a gritty, black, and grey substance that was scorching to the touch. Jamaa Township's characteristic swirling pavement was no longer present; instead, a sizable crevice divided the town's center in half. Phantoms emerged from these recesses, spreading their purple muck and cackling maliciously as they advanced to wilt the fauna.

Jamaa was not intended to be like this. Io'lani quietly descended and fell to her knees in front of a violet flag that had been suspended from the arcade's former roof. It had been shredded at the ends, painted with a sinister expression, and pasted all over the lifeless hamlet. The photograph was of the Phantom Queen, or PQ as she liked to be addressed by her subjects, and a message was scrawled in goopy black ink over her portrait.

And this was everywhere, mind you. The phantom propaganda was affixed to masonry and stone throughout the featureless plains. The Queen's vile grin was still present, along with the same stern call to repent. Io'lani scurried desperately and frantically, zipping to each of the wrecked locals on her map and urgently hoping to find at least someplace not entirely defunct. The statue of Zios was gone completely, presumably taken as a trophy by the Queen herself.

She slid against a jagged rock in Balloosh, the place least subject to destruction and where she had initially started her quest. To her knowledge, there was a power within the marsh- a strong power. She could feel the sheer electric of protection in her bones, the blazing blue light shimmering in her peripherals.

She wept silently, her tears ink-black and resembling the slime of the phantoms. Her tears flowed into her wings, and as she trembled and wept, her voice had a pitiful catching. Any sign of goodwill was absent. What's more, a sheer lack of both guardian spirits, ironically not doing a very good job at guarding or keeping up spirits. There was no point in visiting the place she had wanted to for epochs when it was torn and forgotten. No alphas to save the day, except the elder wolf sitting across from her, giving her a sympathetic glare.

Wait.

As she made touch with the blue-gray canine, she gasped and the emerald glint in her eyes resurfaced. Her thoughts searched for why he was so familiar to her until she caught on. This was Greely, first name unknown, the alpha philosopher with an interest in all things macabre. Except it wasn't quite Greely, for this wolf was bruised and had an ear torn, his golden bejeweled accessories cracked and corroded in ash. He looked older than what Io'lani had seen of him in stories, and less well-kept. He had a husky growl in his voice, reaching out an injured paw towards the skittish heron.

"I was hoping I'd... end up stumbling into you." He groaned.

"Do you know me?" Io'lani replied, her voice just above a whisper.

Greely bared his teeth, before turning his head and looking to the side. "I have... heard such things about you. You're the one who's meant to make this hell disappear. Are you deliberately wasting time here?"

Io'lani frowned as Greely raised his voice to her, the confusion and anxiety settling in her stomach. Greely's gaze pierced right through her and was even more intimidating than she had anticipated. Ultimately, she spoke up, clearing her throat and gripping her trusty map defensively in one wing.

"I don't know what exactly I'm meant to do."

Greely paused.

"Shit."

---------------------------------------------

👍

[txmxkis]

picking up my roommate from the airport tnnn

[ellraiser]

Spent the past week working on a small visual puzzle game, "Synthesis", for my LÖVE Jam 2024 entry!

The theme was "interface" so I couldn't help making something - I wanted to make a bit of an abstract puzzle game where the player isn't taught any controls and has to learn through trial and error You can try it out here!

Definitely had a few moments where I worried about it not being fun, and there were a few older module designs that were not really skill based and instead you'd just spam through the options, which was frustrating

But managed to come up with something that I think is a nice balance of getting the player to experiment and showing certains hints so you don't get too annoyed

It was also my first time doing music for a game so.... enjoy that!

Thanks to the LÖVE community for putting on a lovely jam, and be sure to check out all the other entries when the jam finishes tomorrow!

[lilyliveredlittlerichboy]

okay so i used to follow the overwatch league up to the 2020 season and ive been missing it a lil and decided to watch some old (ancient) matches from 2018, (which is just about the only old owl matches you can still find with any sort of ease)

then got bored and since the owl has been going continuously since then, i watched a lil from the 2022 season

and like. yeah i expected changes i know theyve been adding heroes to overwatch and changing the rules and overwatch 2 is a thing now??? i lost track of it a long time ago tbh ive not been following this for like 3 years

anyway okay different arena different stage - it’s only 5 people per team now huh?? oh Carpe is still there its nice to see a familiar face. what the casters tearing into him now cus hes been there too long??? okay uber and mr x literally the same casters as we saw in the inaugural season. lay off the good man Carpe fucking rocks okay hes a great player and i literally dont know anyone else in this whole match. only 1 tank now per team which is sad i loved watching the flex tank players. new heroes that im not familar with i was expecting that

but you know what really threw me, and made me unable to watch anymore?????

lijiang tower!!! it’s not even night time anymore!! what the hell is this??

okay im done now i think it may be time to never check out the owl ever again sadly

[squarebracketsmileyface]

A Pearl by Mitski is kinda post Jaylex into Jam territory if you think about it.

Hello? Mind reader?? You are so correct???

This is even better mind reading because of what I was writing like right before I remembered i had this ask and wanted to answer it and shit. Like???? This is very much post Jaylex and into Jam, BUT it is also post Jaylex the first time they "broke up" oh my god.

Hang on, I'll explain it with the lyrics lol

Lyric analysis time because for some reason this is like my favourite thing to do when I wanna think about sorry its locked but can't actually write it for whatever reason.

You're growing tired of me You love me so hard and I still can't sleep You're growing tired of me And all the things I don't talk about

SO ABOUT THAT POST JAYLEX'S FIRST 'BREAK UP' ehehhehehehehehheheh. Right, so, after Alex started dating Amy in college, Jay did (eventually) start trying to, like, date and have sex with other people. He never really managed to date anyone, it was always just not-quite-actually-casual casual sex. And they always ended up getting tired of Jay, because they were trying their best and he was hung up on Alex still (and would be for the next rest-of-his-life) And Jay never actually talked to them about why he was the way he way, just learned to warn them ahead of time to try and scare them away so that he wouldn't end up getting hurt when they inevitably got too upset with him over something and broke it off with him.

And, obviously. Yeah, Jam. Jay's so worried that the same thing that happened with Alex and all the other people is gonna happen with Tim, and if it did it'd probably break him even worse than Alex did, honestly. Purely because the stuff with Tim would stack on top of the stuff with Alex and they'd become one thing and Jay would just not know how to deal with that literally at all.

Sorry, I don't want your touch It's not that I don't want you Sorry, I can't take your touch

Pre first Jaylex break up. Yeah. One of the reasons Jay got broken up with by at least one person was that they were meant to behaving casual sex, and Jay went through a period of time where he just, really really couldn't. Which like, fair, and fair i guess for the person being like, yeah i'll go find someone else to have sex with. but also they did it in a nasty way so never mind, fuck them lmao. (I just love putting Jay through shit lmao, I'm so sorry to that poor guy, I need to write a lil fluffy oneshot of him and Tim just being okay)

It's just that I fell in love with a war Nobody told me it ended And it left a pearl in my head And I roll it around every night Just to watch it glow Every night, baby, that's where I go

Ow. Just. Ow.

Cos, yeah, Jay did. He really, really did fall in love with a war didn't he? That whole relationship with Alex was just this constant series of battles with himself and his feelings for Alex, and battles with Alex himself because of how he treated Jay and how Jay wanted to be treated. And his brain can't fully comprehend that Tim's not going to just be the exact same as everyone else, the exact same as Alex. And the thing is that Tim IS going to be different, but they're not going to have enough time for Jay's head to actually wrap itself around that so that he can believe it.

And obviously, they never could get enough time, because of all the shit with the operator, but Tim at least is holding out hope that they'll both survive is and they'll get the time afterwards.

Sorry, I don't want your touch It's not that I don't want you Sorry, I can't take your touch

Jay's so scared that having issues with intimacy is gonna fuck up his chances with Tim, but it wont. Logically he knows it wont (and I refuse to make them angsty enough that Jay wouldn't bother to say no if he didn't wanna do something) but there is still this little part of his head that says that if he goes too long not wanting to have sex, it'll somehow fuck something up.

There's a hole that you fill You fill, you fill

Also I fully intend for Jay to be very unhealthy about Tim :] Just like he was very unhealthy about Alex (especially back in college)

Poor guy's gonna fucking idolize Tim once he realizes Tim really really actually likes him. Which, y'know. Not good. Thankfully Jay's lil eventual obsession or whatever it is (idk, a hyperfixation on a person? that's what I called it. Basically, pretty much every waking thought Jay has is somehow about Tim/reminds him of Tim, if Tim is even slightly in a bad mood Jay assumes it's because of him and gets viciously terrified that Tim's going to leave him and hate him forever, he'd accept any kind of 'penance' or punishment from Tim for whatever he did wrong, if anything bad happens to Tim Jay get's violently enraged and wants to 'fix it' the quickest way possible, etc. He basically feels like Tim is perfect and he can't live without him. idk if that makes sense? I'm tired and never figured out what the fuck this thingy is, but i'm giving it to Jay)

Tim is Jay's missing piece, and Jay's going to hack at his own edges to make sure that Tim fits him, just like he did back in college to try and make Alex fit him.

He's just made up of pieces of himself and other people that he sawed off and cobbled together to make sure that the person he was in love with would perfectly 'complete' and 'fix' him.

But it's just that I fell in love with a war And nobody told me it ended And it left a pearl in my head And I roll it around every night Just to watch it glow Every night, baby, that's where I go Just to watch it glow

goddamnit now i wanna plan a fic to dive into Tim and Jay's relationship after sorry its locked and before Jay dies, just so I can make Jay not okay and Tim not okay, but their brand of not okay works well enough for the short amount of time they have together. If Jay lived they'd have the worlds messiest break up oh my god lmao.

why do i torture them like this?