#this is true on so many levels
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I've had a scenario in mind for a while now about what it would take for Sonic to finally own up to his feelings about Amy. And I think what it would take is...
Shadow.
Well, just plain jealousy and a fear of losing Amy before he even has her. But Shadow would be the best one to instigate it.
First, some headcanons about how they behave romantically:
Amy's maturing and spreading her wings. She's not moving on from Sonic, not really, but it's possible that she's starting to notice other guys. There's some hints in the Twitter takeovers that she may be developing some small interest in Shadow.
Sonic is clearly interested in Amy, and if you pay attention, he has been for a long time. What he's not interested in is marriage- at least, not yet. And Amy is clearly wifey material- she cooks, she takes care of people, she has a caring nature, she's protective, and she's extremely loyal. She's not someone you can use for a one-night stand, you take all of her or you risk shattering her into pieces. She's Sonic's friend, no matter what else he may feel about her, so he avoids any romantic interaction because he doesn't want to hurt his friend.
Meanwhile, Shadow is... not aro-ace, per se, I don't know what you'd call him. He can see that Amy is attractive, but so is Rouge, and Shadow has no interest in Rouge. He just isn't interested in the physical side of romance.
What I think it would take to get Shadow's attention is something deeper, an emotional or spiritual connection.
So here's the Sonamy/Shadamy love triangle scenario that I came up with:
As Amy ages, she feels her desire for male companionship growing stronger. Sonic takes little notice of it, but it doesn't escape Shadow's attention.
Somehow or other, Shadow and Amy end up alone together, probably on a mission or something. I haven't figured out the exact circumstances, but they're together for quite a while. Amy loves to talk to people and get to know them, and Shadow has a soft spot for her, so she's able to get him to talk to her about things that he's probably never told anyone before. And he knows she won't tell anyone about them, either, so he feels safe telling her.
At some point, Shadow realizes, she's done it. She's broken through his barriers, and at the same time, she's calmed the storm of emotions that he's had swirling inside him for 50-odd years. He hasn't felt such peace since... no, not even then. This is something else. He's never felt this way before, and he doesn't have the words to describe it, but he's fallen head over heels for her.
This is why he never lets his guard down, even around the people he trusts most. Because if he lets them in, even a little bit, he might let them in too far. ("Can you see all of me, walk into my mystery, step inside and hold on for dear life.")
He loses control of himself and kisses Amy.
And when he lets go, he instantly hates himself, he starts throwing his barriers back up, because... she's crying. She's crying because she liked it, and she wants more of it, but she's still so desperately in love with Sonic, and she's starting to think she'll never get it from him, so she'll accept affection from just about any man, and it's not like Shadow's unattractive, and, and, and...
So Shadow's raw and open and hurting, he knew before he said or did anything that he was going down a dangerous path, but talking to Amy felt so good he didn't want to stop. And he wants to erase what just happened like it never did. But now he has to be the one to comfort Amy, because this was his fault, Amy was just being the kind and compassionate person she always was and Shadow was an idiot for letting it get to him and making more of it than what it was and losing control. So he has to keep his barriers down for just a moment longer, just long enough to hold Amy and tell her it's not her fault, until her tears finally stop.
It leaves Shadow burning with rage, and as soon as he can, he forcefully confronts Sonic (I imagine Shadow slamming Sonic against a wall or a tree and shouting in his face 😝) and basically tells him, "Amy needs attention from a man, she wants that man to be you, but if you can't grow up and do what it takes, then I'll be more than glad to take your place."
Which scares Sonic good and proper. It's bad enough to think that he could lose Amy, anyway, but to lose her to that faker??? And it finally makes him go to Amy and (very, very awkwardly) ask her to be his girlfriend. And... I'll let y'all imagine the rest.
As for Shadow... he, quite understandably, becomes somewhat aloof towards both Sonic and Amy for a long time after that.
But Shadow's immortal, right? And there's other Amy's in the world. He doesn't have to be alone forever.
Oh, and as for why Shadow would confront Sonic instead of just taking Amy for himself: because he respects both Amy and, especially, himself far too much to do that. He knows good and well she will never be able to fully commit to anyone else as long as Sonic is still an option. If Shadow was to start dating her, she'd go along with it, but it would become a power play between him and Sonic to try to "win" Amy's affections. Shadow has no issues with fighting Sonic over just about anything, but when it comes to his own feelings, he won't stoop that low, and he's not about to hurt himself by playing such a game. I also don't think he would view Amy as "a prize to be won."
#my headcanon#romantic headcanons#sonamy#shadamy#sonic the hedgehog#amy rose#shadow the hedgehog#bittersweet#unhappy ending#sorry if y'all hate me for doing this to shadow#but it felt true to his character#people will probably disagree with just about everything and idc#if he ever fell in love it would be on a deep emotional level#and i think he would have difficulty controlling himself#sonic's completely out of touch with his feelings but shadow is not#shadow just can't pin down his emotions because so many of them are terrible and painful#at least this is what i think anyway#and to clarify: neither sonic nor amy would do this to shadow on purpose#it just kinda happened#in truth i don't think shadow ever would allow himself to open up like that in the first place#but i don't think he'll be alone forever#he just has to find the right person#someone who is selflessly caring and compassionate... but also unattached to anyone else#i may have projected some of my own personal fantasies into this as well XP#i never liked the idea of men fighting over me like a trophy#but the idea of someone respecting me enough to be willing to let go of me for my sake...#now THAT is a turn-on#and hopefully if i ever found someone like that...#i would be smart enough to hold onto him instead of running away
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back home the cats act like a cranky old married couple, but in the cottage? my guys are chilling
#there’s no outside noises or anything so true to the cat form; they’re thriving#also got my best buddy acting like my best buddy again#(aka she sleeps in my bed and is around me constantly like slept on my lap while I ate breakfast levels (love her))#(probs bc this is the longest stretch I’ve been with them in years (they live with my parents and I moved out a good many years ago))#studyblr#bookblr#booklr#aesthetic#dark academia#january 2025#2025
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Smell Check [Easy: Failure]
MDZS Disco Elysium AU part 1 (part 2 - part 3)
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#disco elysium#MDZS Disco Elysium AU#So sad I didn't manage to get this comic out on the 15th (pd-mdzs's 8 month anniversary and DE's 4th year anniversary) but I'm here *now*#I have a very extensive and detailed MDZS Disco Elysium AU that I am Not Normal About.#I've seen a few other people point out the potential in a crossover (true) but they make the mistake in having it be set in 51!#A true crossover would take place closer to The Antecentennial Revolution!#Disco Elysium did not go that hard on its cool lore for people to only make surface level crossovers!!!#One day I'll write the fic or post my notes. I don't know who would read it but it tickles *my* brain and that's enough.#No spoilers for DE (here or in comments (please)) but please consider....Magpie Wei Wuxian B*) On his way to be an innocent.#I do think there is a good chance a chunk of the MDZS readership would enjoy DE but...it's also not a game I easily recommend#It's more of an experience you have to marinate over. It's dark in ways that are off putting to some people.#It makes you feel like a very bad person all the time. It gets extremely personal if you allow yourself to be honest in your answers#and it's also the game that saved my life. My life was truly forever changed after playing disco elysium.#If I recommend it to people it's a badge of the trust I have in you to appreciate something dear to me B'*)#If you decide to play: PLEASE go in as blind as possible. You will regret spoiling yourself.#edit: this is based on real disco elysium dialogue. HDB has many canon kinks but this is not one of them
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louis offering liam a comforting hand when he gets emotional talking about his parents missing him
(via daybreak during This Is Us promo)
#in a joking way but it's also genuine#in true lilo fashion#so many more levels of sad now#lilo#liam payne#louis tomlinson#interview#2013#this is us
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Something that I need people to understand, especially on this hellsite. Is that oppression does not depend on who you actually are.
It depends on how the world sees you.
If the world sees you as X identity. They will treat you as X identity, whether you are or not. If the world sees that you are not X identity, but they can use the oppression of X identity as a cudgel to make you act the way they want you to? They will use it.
Oppression is NOT dependent on who you actually are. It depends on how the world sees you. It depends on how people see you and what they decide to put on you because of that.
Oh. And when someone experiences a form of oppression that is NOT based in the reality of who they are? It's still that kind of oppression. It's not "misdirected"- it is still that kind of oppression being leveraged to maintain the current social climate.
#this is specifically inspired by all those annoying people#who think that trans men cannot experience sexism or misogyny#but let me tell you as a queer disabled Jew that shit also hits me on SO MANY other levels#oppression depends on how the world sees you#and honestly I think so many people are resistant to that idea because it is a fucking SCARY one#if oppression is based solely in who you actually are#then it's easy to say that certain things don't happen to certain people and there are rules to oppression#and like#I understand that is comforting to some but.... that isn't true#the only rule to oppression is that it will be used to keep everyone in line#and it will be swung at anyone and everyone in order to do that#and who you ACTUALLY are does not stop oppression from happening#sometimes it actually even makes it fucking worse
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It feels extremely silly that only today did I realize that pantry and panadería are slightly similar-sounding for a reason >_>
(The English word pantry is one of the many, many common modern English words derived from Anglo-French: in this case, panetrie, from Old French paneterie, "bread room" ... Spanish panadería also has a complex etymology, but all are related to Latin panis, "bread.")
#anghraine babbles#deep blogging#linguistic stuff#saw a post that was very aggressively going on about how english is GERMANIC (true) and has germanic words in it too!!! (duh)#and the whole discussion ended up arguing that the existence of common germanic words means the many common latinate ones don't count#as 'true english' or whatever and also all languages have borrowings on the level of french-derived vocab in english (not true!)#and it's only lexical and the english grammar is still fundamentally what it was (not true at all actually though not mainly bc of french)#like. sorry that the existence of 'cat' in english implies to you that 'animal' is not a real english word!#don't know why the entirely true statement that 'english is fundamentally germanic' always seems to devolve into nativist bullshit#but damn does it ever.#people are fixated on the vastly oversimplified 'french derived = elitist prestige register from foreigners; germanic = common real speech'#in reality normal everyday english chatter constantly and necessarily includes plenty of french-derived words (often unrecognized)#like pantry! the longer any english document or speech goes without any french- or latin-based words#the more ridiculously and artificially childish it sounds#esp given that some /ultimately/ germanic words in english came into it not from old english but via medieval or anglo-french#often taken from old norse. so 'germanic' real talk from real folk vs dastardly french corruption can be even more complicated#than the obvious xenophobic nonsense motivating the whole anglish thing#even my guy (and known old english lover & french hater) jrr tolkien could only /minimize/ the french-based vocab in lotr#if he'd gotten rid of it altogether he'd sound like he was writing for four-year-olds#english#anglish hate blog#okay for the tags:#anghraine rants
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i think traffic scott has crazy issues with his sense of self . i cant defend this at the moment but i feel it in my heart and also depending on how u look at his character i think there is canon backing
#which isnt to say self-worth issues by the way#i dont . hm#i dont know how i feel about scotts level of insecurity#but i do think hes draped himself in so many layers of lover/victim/hero/bestie/martyr etc that he wouldnt have a grasp on who he is without#labels like that and the behaviors they induce#i do think hes a catty gay guy . at heart . but i think even the way thats displayed is like . a front in a way ?#like . ok . listen to me#its like paint#scott his actual true self is blue . and then hes covered in so many coats of paint (the roles he assumes) of various different colors#and then you finish it off with another coat of blue . and its a different shade#but the base color is so far down that no one will really notice#CAN ANYONE HEAR ME . HE FINDS COMFORT IN THE BOXES HE PUTS HIMSELF IN AND IF YOU TOOK THOSE AWAY HE MAY CRUMBLE#maybe this is wrong . idk . insert everything i say about smajor is wrong because im smajor blinkie here#babbleeng
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me, dean, and everyone else watching: ok sure, sammy
#vics spn rewatch#spn 1x10#the apology is made worse by j*red's inability to actually sound sincere#he's doing his fake sympathy voice and it is so. grating#adds a fascinating unintentional layer to sam as we've talked abt before#and it's like not necessarily a Bad thing to perform rather than feel sympathy#but like. this is very much a non-apology and dean knows it and we all know it#sam DID mean those things on some level. maybe not as harshly as he said them bc his anger WAS being heightened by the ghost#but those feelings were real#and sam is allowed to feel them. but they are in many ways. a projection and also unfounded#sam literally could leave at any time and dean would let him go (as we'll see in thee very next episode!!)#just bc he feels those feelings doesn't mean they're inherently true#dean isn't keeping him trapped. dean isn't just blindly following orders. dean Does have a mind of his own#and in fact dean isn't being all that great of a dutiful son bc he actively is not all that interested in finding john!! not the way sam is#and you'd think for dean being the one to initially show up and ask sam's help that he'd be more invested in finding john#and making sure he's actually alive instead of following random coordinates to a case. and taking on every other case they find too#anyways. sam's feelings of anger are real bc he feels them and it's okay to feel things#but he's massively misinterpreting and projecting things onto dean#and then he feels guilty (like post-possession) and tries to swipe it all under the rug and claim he didn't mean any of it#but he Does. and dean knows it. everyone knows it.#his perceptions do not align w/ what's really happening. bc he doesn't have the full context.#bc he doesn't know just how complicated dean's relationship to john really is. bc he was sheltered from a lot of that.#he sees dean desperate for approval and a good little soldier#when in reality dean was playing peacekeeper and mediator and punching bag most of their childhood.#and rn dean doesn't really care that much abt finding john. he just wants to hang out with his brother#not samcr*t btw. we love all this abt him it's spicy it's crunchy it's tasty
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Truly from the depths of my struggling heart. Viva La Vida by Coldplay belongs to one Toshinori Yagi aka the one and only All Might.
Coldplay should just sign over the rights of the song at this point promptly too.
#the song just works on so many levels#cause yeah there’s the grander theme off glory days gone past#but there’s another layer of was; I really effective or good if the minute I left everything that I had built crumbled around me#because Toshinori was the symbol of peace but any peace that can’t survive without one man isn’t true peace at all#it’s a stalemate#hero society#should never have been so easy to collapse without all might#and honestly even though it was never really fully explored that was always a layer of the story I enjoyed#the ways in which a complete dominance in a field especially one as important as heroing can hurt just as much as it can help.#because if yagi had actually let people stand beside him if he hadn’t helped to create a space where other heroes could grow complacent#because all night was there. hero society would never have collapsed so easily without him.#it’s touched on but not a lot not dope if icalry about all nights dominance#it’s why I feel like if you watched the show and your geniune conclusion was that Deku should have become the new symbol of peace#then I just think we didn’t watch the same show#And don't get me wrong I'm not saying that yagi was wrong for saving people or using his powers to the max but it was touched on repeatedly#this kind of deep fear/belief that he had. That only he could save these people and if something happened to them it was on him.#Like every case could only be solved by him and it wasnt a pride thing if anything it was a trauma response same with Izuku#the tags for this got so long i swear i don't mean to do this😭#the symbolism#symbol of peace#all might#yagi toshinori#mha toshinori#mha#bnha#boku no hero acedamia#my hero acedamia#mha analysis#music#coldplay
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"I know all about you, Morinth. Why would you even try seducing me?"
#mass effect#morinth#morinth x shepard#shepard x morinth#it's so hard to tell if this is genuine or manipulation but either way how fascinating#because if it's genuine then imagine the misery and loneliness she's faced all her life#and the cold front she had to put on to bear it#and then thinking she's met the one person who she can love without killing#but she was wrong#on the other hand if it's manipulation wow what skillful manipulation#because it's so believable! and the fact that she would pull a long con like that when she has so many easier targets is chilling#and it's really hard to tell from her tone and from what actually occurs in canon which is true#hell maybe both are true on different levels even#massively underutilized character
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man i love fanfiction but i find i barely read any these days. as i get older, I really cannot fucking tolerate how in SO MANY fics, the Main Guy's dialogue is extremely strong and rich and interesting, and then Female Lead's voice/dialogue is reduced to just. cracker dust. from the bottom of the bag.
#fanfic#this is true even if she's THE MAIN BABE or whatever#i don't have the patience for boring female characters in me anymore. if she's not deranged i don't care about her#if her primary character traits are Reserved / Shy / Makes Good Choices / Brain Cell Holder like why did you even give birth to her#if i can't hear 3-4 complexes whenever she opens her mouth i'm bout to head out#highly likely this is also why i do not watch much tv#ms woeburne i was 18 trying to write a 30 year old and i failed you on so many levels but at least the shit you said was certifiably insane
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hey ho I just noticed that amongst many of your posts you have some pretty nasty things to say about yourself! As a concerned follower I am here to tell you that does you no good whatsoever, and have expierenced where it can lead you to! (Even when said in jest)
As an outside observer I have determined that exactly 0 of your negative statements are true, so don't believe the lies you tell yourself! Change statements like "my art sucks" to "my art is pretty neat!" (Because it is) "....just kill me" to ".... just give me shrimp" (or fav food/object) "I feel awful and lonely" to " I see the sun rise and its beautiful, I feel nice." And "I have more friends than i realise" ( notice something beautiful or do things you like and appreciate them, you'll start to feel better I promise!
Take a moment to slow down and just breathe and observe all the good things around you (go outside if you have to)
Heres a book that talks about changing your inner monologue for the better, "What to say when you talk to yourself" by Shad Helmstetter its definitely worth a read
I love you and sending a crushing bear hug to you! 🫂🫂💙💙💙
Unfortunately yes I have many bad things to say about myself (I am my biggest hater).
I've been around some pretty toxic people in the past (and present, most of them are my relatives, yikes) and I guess it's just easier to say negative things about me rather than hear them say things (behind my back).
I try to do better but when you don't fit into society the way other people do, it's kinda disheartening, makes me wanna give up.
Sometimes I wish I was like everyone else honestly, or have some confidence.
I'll definitely try to check out that book, thanks for the recommendation :)
Many hugs to you too anon 🫂🫂
#I'll say my art is pretty neat when that becomes true#honestly I don't always fit society's 'geed person' archetype so I guess that has settled deep in my bones#I have very low empathy(?) I rarely feel 'bad' for other people. sure I don't want anything bad to happen but I don't start crying when I#hear that someone I don't know died. or someone I know. I don't really cry actually. once or twice per 3 months#I have difficulties with expressing my emotions (and I feel like I don't feel fully. not like other people do)#I'm trying to take moments to appreciate life(?) but even life doesn't always feel real. like a chore you have to power through. most days#surprisingly I go outside almost every day for around an hour to walk. the city I live now has a harbor and I love the sea#there are too many people there tho... I don't like people. they're loud and don't pay attention to their surroundings#the times I've been almost ran over by bikes or cars is surreal#not art#text#ask#anonymous#I didn't mean to make you concerned about me. don't be. there really isn't anything you can do#one of my other negative traits is that I'm extremely stubborn. almost nothing can change my opinion about something#I try to do better but that unfortunately isn't always enough#society has failed me on many levels and it's hard to see the 'bright side' when a literal war is happening#and people you know will hate you for who you are#sometimes I use words like 'disheartening' and I can't remember if the translation I have in mind is for the actual word or something else#I don't mean to sound so depressing I just feel like I might actually jave depression. or autism. or just something wrong
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if the only footage youve seen of the game doesnt actually give you a good idea of what the game/story is like (like its from a parody video or is otherwise heavily edited for example) then it doesnt count as having watched the game and you should pick little to no actual exposure to the game. only interacting with the games content through fanart/fanfic/etc also counts as little to no actual exposure to the game
#tried to include as many options as possible but theres only so much space i think i did the best i could with the spacei had though#but i wish i could have had separate categories for if youve played the game in full or if youve only played part of it#since theres definitely a huge difference between playing one level and playing the whole game#anyway me personally ive played the game in its entirety up to the true ending and i think its good#especially good from a writing standpoint theres some very good sonic characterization in there#sonic the hedgehog#sth#sonic and the black knight#sonic polls#< okay making a tag for the polls because im planning on doing similar polls for other games that are considered bad
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very weird to frame your abuse apologia as being aware that the writers intended to illustrate a mutually harmful dynamic and not an abusive one. when the writers in question also wrote the line 'once you put it out there, they [the audience] decide what it is' because nothing you ever create has any innate definition. when the writers in question decided to racebend major characters and then showcase them being harmed by white or nonblack characters in a repeatedly racialized pattern when they Did Not Have To Do That and then genuinely or disingenuously decide to dialogue about their directly or indirectly illustrated racialized dynamic of intimate partner violence within and outside the narrative. like to be quite honest it does not matter what they intended because this is what they made and this is how it Looks to a notably large amount of people. who just happen to be interpreting it wrong? according to what metric? the very metric they say Doesn't Work in their own fictional creation? ok
#j watches interview with the vampire#i keep saying i'm tired of talking about this but i'm not#iwtv is SO enjoyable to me when i Don't make excuses for obviously shitty people#cannot comprehend the level of mental gymnastics. well actually i can lol#like i'm not trying to suck the fun out of a fictional show of fun fucked up dynamics#it's fun and fucked up Because. they let it be fucked up#let it be fucked up!#so many people seem to have such an aversion to the idea that lestat ever abused anyone but especially louis#when we know even if he didn't abuse louis he definitely abused claudia. often IN very misogynistic and racist ways btw#which people conveniently ignore#let alone that he does similar things to louis even when he at the same time would never Want to abuse louis#like both are true. i think. like#it's good that we as a society have tried to be better about cutting off abusers at the heels to compensate for it not happening Enough#but we have to stop pretending they aren't human people and that abuse is a Human act and that their humanity#and our ability to understand them with Our humanity just Disappears the second they do something monstrous#like no. both are true. all of it's true#pretending lestat was never abusive does nothing for no one#and i really truly feel like it takes the bite Out of such a compelling story to view it that way#let it bite my friends i promise you will survive it#imo seeing lestat's abuse for what it is =/= Cancel Him NOW like. i still enjoy him for what he is as long as he's Allowed to be what he is#which the finale. um. appeared to backpedal lol which is why it immediately sucked to me#realizing i am Because Of Woke-ing lestat but like people are afraid to call him abusive because they like him and they feel like#they can't continue to like him if they admit he was ever abusive. Because of Woke HFKSDJF
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The past couple weeks it’s been really hitting me how much harder it’s been teaching Pride and Prejudice this year—which was so disappointing at first? Because works I’ve traditionally had a harder time with I’ve felt like i’ve broken new ground while teaching and am teaching the kids BETTER. So initially I was so frustrated that my historically easiest work to teach was feeling so difficult! But there’s been some good days that have let me see that part of what was happening was that I have simply never reached this number of kids with pride and prejudice before and so consequently I have never had so many kinds of reactions before! In the waking up from the sleep of simply never paying attention there IS going to be plenty of stupidity, contrariness, crankiness, and almost arguing? Like even with themsELVES. And that’s a good thing.
#it’s hard because I am simply very sensitive and very tired#but I know it’s so good#like I just want to reach as many of them as possible and draw them in#and sometimes the words they say—as hard to hear as it can be for me—are simply proof they are being reached#something is Happening to them#of course not all. there is the usual garden variety boredom adolescent angst and checked out-ness#but this is more than that#anywayyyy of course this is mostly about teaching teenage boys#they’re not going to show you when they’re moved. in words.#but it doesn’t mean it isn’t happening#I talked to another teacher today about it and she goes ‘I can see it happening among them too’#and it has helped! because I really was just in my head about it#first about the book itself (an insane thing but I had a bit of a wobble of just like. okay should I be teaching this)#and then about my own ability.#but it’s just that thing of leveling up.#and yeah some days it DOES make me miss the time when I and the book was sooooo under the radar that 90% of the class quietly checked out#and me and the rest of the students had an undetected fun time#I LIKE to stay in the shadows. in the peace and quiet#but clearly I am not meant to and I have a true compulsion to draw in as many people as possible#it can be scary but I know it’s good#teaching tag#ANYWAYS. thanks for listening
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Band leader at church: *tells me that he appreciates me, values me, that I am loved, that he sees the effort I’ve put in, that he wants to get to know me more*
Me: *feels good for a few hours*
Me: *has in-person interaction with him and the worship leader tonight*
Me, hours later: they hate me. They both can’t stand me. Whatever he said this morning, he doesn’t feel it anymore. He thinks I’m weird. He thinks I’m annoying as heck and doesn’t want to be around me. They are both annoyed at me and I took up a disrespectful amount of his time last night and he thinks I’m rude and entitled.
#I literally don’t know how to get out of this#This has obviously been a very tricky situation on so many levels so it’s making me stressed in every way and this is no exception#The amount of self-hatred I feel…#It’s not good#it’s getting worse#it hurts#I cannot put into words the absolute loathing I feel for myself#And the raging shame I feel of myself and how I think I appear to others#I keep asking God how to get out of this#I crave any compliment or demonstration of affection or anything that reinforces that people like me and don’t hate me#But it doesn’t stick and it doesn’t help#I know compliments from others aren’t going to fix this#So I’m going to God and asking what to do#And I think if I felt secure in God’s love and REALLY believed He loves me and—here’s the kicker—likes me#That that would be enough and would stabilize and strengthen me#But part of me deep down suspects that He just doesn’t like me or enjoy me and finds me annoying and actually doesn’t want to spend#Time with me#I will encourage people to read Gentle and Lowly for the rest of my days#And it’s helped some#But I think I need it to be applied to me personally by God Himself#Part of it is I think a crazy act of protecting myself#Because if you suspect the worst you can’t be disappointed#What if I assume God loves me and likes me and then I somehow find out it’s not true?#The pain would be indescribable#And even if I know that’s logically bogus#It doesn’t make it feel like any less of a possibility#And so that trickles down into relationships with others too#If I assume they don’t like me or at best don’t feel much towards me at all#I can’t be disappointed#Especially when I see the “evidence” in me that I’m unlikeable
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