#this is the worlds worst gameshow are you enjoying it

[laikahh]

Thinking And Feeling.

[amazonswin]

Saudade: Chapter 1

Pairing: Duncan/Courtney (Total Drama)

Word Count: 1.3k

A/n: In this fic (and in my mind), All stars never happened! Also this is my first fic in a really long time, so I hope you enjoy!

———

It's amazing how something incredibly lame can help change your life forever.

It had been nearly 8 whole years since the filming of world tour had ended, and Geoff insisted that there had to be a reunion party. Just the thought of it made Duncan want to barf. Why would he willingly spend another minute with those people? Wasn't three seasons enough?

But after Geoff's constant invites, going seemed to be the least annoying option.

The party was already alive when Duncan arrived. He recognized most of the people—at least those from the original cast—instantly. There were some new faces, but he just assumed they were tagalongs. As he entered the house, he couldn't help but wonder if a certain someone would be inside.

"My man!" The host greeted while trying not to spill his beer. Geoff had barely changed, same wildness, same girl, same cowboy hat. "I knew you'd come bro!"

"Couldn't let you have all the fun without me" Geoff laughed, already a bit drunk. Duncan followed him into the kitchen where most of their former team members gathered. Geoff wrapped his arm around Bridgette and took another sip from his cup.

"Who'd of thought the killer bass would ever be back together again?" DJ immediately hugged Duncan. Though not usually a fan of touching, he knew DJ well enough to not expect anything else.

"Well most of us anyway" Bridgette looked around, "Did anyone see where Courtney snuck off to?"

Duncan's heart skipped a beat at the sound of her name. It had been years since he last spoke to her and yet, some feelings still remained.

"She got a call a while ago, maybe she took off?" DJ suggested.

"I hope not, it took weeks to convince her to come" The blonde took a sip from her own cup, "I'm gonna go find her so we can have an actual team reunion"

-

Making his way through the party, Duncan couldn't help but be reminded of his gameshow days. Juvie seemed better than some of the challenges they had to do. It wasn't all bad though, the island was where he met DJ and Geoff, where he got to torture Harold, where he met Courtney.

 What a dumb kid he was, he constantly combed through all of the poor decisions he had made. The worst being betraying Courtney. He loved Courtney, but Gwen was his best friend. They were alike in so many ways. What teenage boy wouldn't give it a go? He knew now that he could've handled it better though. Courtney shouldn't have gotten hurt like she did. God, he felt like such an asshole... The forced energy of the party made Duncan feel smothered, like they were trying to force a second chance to be teenagers. That was the last thing Duncan wanted, he’d changed so much since then. Why undo what’s already been done? What good would that do?

He quietly shifted his way down the hall towards the guest bedroom. He had crashed there many times before due to Geoff always pushing a boy’s weekend a bit too far. The music from the party was so deafening that he wasn’t sure if someone was inside or not, all he knew was that he needed to escape even if just for a moment. Duncan turned the knob and slid into the room. Suddenly, there she was. Courtney hadn't changed much in 8 years, but she was also completely different. The same big brown eyes and lightly scattered freckles that he once knew, but they were met with a more mature figure.

Courtney didn’t even notice him, her phone practically glued to her ear, “Baby, I know you miss me. Mommy promises she’ll be home super soon, okay?” She tried so hard to be reassuring without letting her true nervousness pour out. “I know, but I'm sure Miss Marissa would love to read you the fairy book again. Just go lay down and I’ll be there before you know it. I love you sweet pea, goodnight.”

She put down the phone and fell backwards onto the bed, clasping her hands over her eyes. Coming tonight was a mistake. Courtney never went out just for her, and after tonight she knew she would never do it again.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know anyone was in here” Duncan finally emerged into her view.

Courtney jolted up, feeling too embarrassed and exposed to know what to say, “I- um, you should knock before entering a room at another person’s home. It's extremely rude not to.”

“Wow princess, you sure haven’t changed at all”

“Do not call me princess.”

He made his way to the bed and sat at the opposite end, “You can avoid me for however long you want, but you’ll always be princess”

Courtney let out a small laugh. The sight of Ducan made her want to run, but she felt as if she was cemented to the bed. The pair sat in silence, staring off at anything that wasn’t each other. There were so many things to be said, yet no words came.

“So how did they manage to get you here?”

“Geoff is a very persistent man. I swear he’s worse then my parole officer.” Duncan smirked. “How about you? They lie and say it was a corporate event?”

“Haha very funny” She teased back, “Bridgette is actually extremely persistent too.” Those two were definitely made for each other, once they had an idea there was no way out of it.

“Is your husband here too? Now that's a man I wanna meet. Let's see who’s got the balls to actually put up with you” Duncan flinched at the thought of Courntey with someone, but it was bound to happen at some point. He didn’t expect her to still want him, especially not after what he did to her.

Courtney looked down, trying to decide if she should just lie to get the conversation over with. “I’m not married.”

“Oh. Your call sounded like you had a kid, so I just-”

“Just assumed little miss perfect had this flawless life?” Courtney stood with a newfound gust of anger. “My life isn’t perfect, and you have no right to mention my child.” She stormed out of the room, ready to finally leave the party and her past behind.

Duncan quickly followed, trying to apologize for setting her off. Damn this place was like a horrible boozed up maze. Geoff had insisted on installing adjustable lights so he could dim them to ‘create the mood’. At the time, Duncan had been all for it but now it was just making his search even harder. As he reached the living room he saw Lindsay sitting on the couch, fiddling with her nails.

“Did you see Courtney at all, I really need to find her”

“Aw, oh my gosh, that's so cute! You guys were always so meant to be, I always knew it. Like, I was making out with Tyler earlier and it brought back so many memories. Oops, I probably shouldn’t kiss and tell…”

Duncan knew he wouldn’t get anything from her. While she was a nice girl, she wasn’t all there when it came to getting to the point, especially while drunk. He knew it was a long shot for Courtney to even still be here. She had always hated parties, and he gave her the perfect excuse to leave one.

Duncan collapsed into the cushion next to the drunk blonde. Tonight may have been filled with mistakes but he knew finding Courtney wasn't one of them. He had to see her again, for anything to at least apologise. Trying to forget her was the hardest thing he had ever done, he wasn’t about to do it again. It didn’t matter if she had a kid, he wanted her. He always had.

[ryouverua]

Trial 6 -  Oh, I am one yet many (5)

The above inspirational picture was taken seconds before disaster.

Trial: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4

Tsumugi is not the one-trick pony we thought she was ABORT MISSION, ABORT MISSION!!!!

NO YOU AIN’T! NO YOU AIN’T I DID NOT SIGN UP TO BE HAJIMEMED, NO SIR I DID NOT!

i mentioned it during the text hellstorm I unleashed when I was mid-playthrough but the way Shuichi says ‘cosplaying’ here is ADORABLE. I love his VA she is so good -

also

oh no

oh no

o h      n o

I can’t just... express how deeply that feeling of ‘oh no’ pervaded my being. My soul.

“THIS IS JUST COSPLAY“ SHE SAYS - AND GOD, THE MUSIC, THE MUSIC IS SO WACKY LIKE THESE ARE JUST SOME NORMAL FTE ANTICS -

wait no this is the ‘let’s start the killing game music’ -

ah that’s why I’m lowkey terrified right now

W-What in the world are those white smears across Hagakure’s eyes??? And oh god the first game too???

WHAT THE HELL TSUMUGI YOU’VE REALLY BEEN HOLDING OUT ON US TELL ME HOW YOU’RE DOING THIS I-I mean oh no, how dare you, this is so awful...

SHE’S TAKEN FULL OWNERSHIP OF JUNKO!PERSONA

AJSLKDF

TSUMUGI

HOLY SHIT

TSUMUGI

IS THIS YOUR FINAL FORM

ironically this got me thinking ‘this would be a really cool cosplay + prop’ once I got over the sheer terror of the situation and I starting thinking, oh, wouldn’t it be cool if you even had a sort of pinwheel mechanism (with the main body of it being hidden by her long hair) that rotated all of these pieces, and have you ever realized that there is a small piece of you that is the monster

also I just realized... she kept putting her glasses on as Junko. But I’m assuming she won’t ever wear them as Hajime. So it’s true - the moment she actually took off her glasses, we really did get to see her final form..

IS THAT KOMAEDA’S HAIR

ALL OF THESE THINGS, I RECOGNIZE ALL OF THEM OMG

This............ this is terrible, terrifying, and also really, really good

don’t say you’re jealous don’t say you’re jealous don’t say you’re jealous okay I’m a bit jealous FFU --

SHUICHI I THINK THIS IS ONE OF THE TIMES WHERE YOU DON’T WANT TO PURSUE THE TRUTH I HAVE A TERRIBLE, AWFUL FEELING -

oh no oh no

here I was doing mental gymnastics to justify why she’d be able to cosplay as Junko, a real person

but I was over-complicating things as usual

even the egg has been compromised for her nefarious scheme this truly is the worst timeline

What is with me and stumbling into series that just bloody smash their fourth wall until there’s nothing but broken pieces left

thank you for having twogami right after togami it’s not something I realized I needed and among all this heartbreak is a blessing

THIS IS NOT YOUR CUE TO START PLAYING THE CREDITS MONOKUMA

I am only making it through this trial by sheer force of will and the power of Sweetcheeks’ adorable voice.

Dangan.... ronpa....?

oh god she said ‘we’ she said ‘WE’ THIS IS REALLY NOT GOOD

‘Don’t get too whacky with your theories,’ I said. ‘You don’t want to sound like a total crackpot,’ I said. DAMN YOU SELF I SHOULD HAVE LET MYSELF GO ABSOLUTELY WILD AFTER ALL

So this was invented completely from nothing??? My initial theory had them seeing themselves in someone else’s actual memories as themselves, and having their own brains play tricks on them that way - but all those scenes with them being interviewed by Makoto, of applying to Hope’s Peak, and possibly everything else about them - oh god - how powerful are these lights? How much detail was crammed into them? Can this all be done with a mere flash of a light???

‘We.’ Her use of ‘we’ is interesting, here. It really does feel like Tsumugi sees all of her cosplay personas as actual people that she can channel to ‘help her’ as opposed to just mere characters. Like entities fighting along side of her, not just through her...

also hello ibuki I forgot how much I enjoyed your VA they make me hear seagulls in the distance

aaaaaaw look at how much the art style has improved from the first game!!!

Y.......... YES.......?????? wait actually as someone who is lowkey interested in props and set design - BUT NO WAIT STILL THIS IS WAY BEYOND THAT -

How... the hell... do you cosplay the world?! The entire world?!?!

Is that possible?? If the entire world isn’t real - if it’s all being propped up by you - then -

Who - who are we playing this game for then??? Why make us play it??? Who is watching the game???

I KNEW IT

I AND PROBABLY HALF OF THE PEOPLE PLAYING WERE JUST WAITING FOR YOU TO SHOW UP

......

Did. Did you just say it takes place in the real world.

Oh no -

It... It’s real fiction... because they’ve kidnapped actual people... and brainwashed them... and then trapped them in a situation where they were forced to kill each other to get out?? For things that didn’t exist??? For reasons that weren’t ever real???

Wait - so that means they can get out and it’ll be fine?! That’s..... t-that’s not as bad as I thought, but...

‘STAFF’ OH THAT WORD IS SO OUT OF PLACE -

...............................

There are. There are people backstage. It’s not just Tsumugi. This. This is super not good.

insert inappropriately-timed comment about how I love this VA

Okay. This actually took me by surprise. And I’m kinda terrified to ask.

W.... Why not? Is - Is this actually a space separated from reality? Can they physically.... not go back....???

no wait -

what are you doing

PUT THAT KEY BACK RIGHT NOW

oH

OH UNCANNY VALLEY-LEVELS OF COGNITIVE DISSONANCE

NO DON’T THROW REAL FACES UP THERE -

IS THIS A BLOODY COMMENT BOARD

I mean I know in my head that this is a niconico parody but the fact is they have to translate the comments to suit an english audience so -

omfg no I cannot believe what is coming out of the screen right now

wait wait

Kyoko is my waifu

My husbando Shuichi

first

Sakura is my muscle waifu good taste anon

Bring on the spoilers

LOL are you watching?

I feel like I’m participating too!

she’s shaking

Aaaw, Himiko is still alive.

Wow it’s on? LOL!

this is what the creepy kid at the beginning of the chapter was about

this was who that Makoto kid was

WHERE IS HIS CREEPY-ASS FACE I KNOW YOU’RE THERE MAKOTO

Is this the everyone... the real everyone Tsumugi says she represents, then??? That she’s fighting for? Omg was Kirumi’s motive/trial foreshadowing all along -

Anyway, damn Tsumugi is proud of her viewership.

#humblebrag #musclewaifu

EVERYONE???? LITERALLY EVERYONE?!?!?!

SURELY... SURELY THAT IS THE CONCEITED TALK  OF A MANAGER TRYING TO TALK UP THEIR ‘BABY’.... SURELY...

I appreciate the use of Celes here. This is.... damn dark. They’ve achieved such a peaceful world that the have to manufacture darkness and blood-sport for people to get their kicks???

STIMULATION?!

first of all where’s miu when you need her

SECOND OF ALL ARE YOU SURE HUMANITY WAS BEAUTIFUL, KOREKIYO??? ARE YOU SURE?

“It’s simple economics.”

THERE YOU ARE MAKOTO YOU CREEP

oh no he was... literally... using this game to cope with his problems.... and he said that one day he wanted to be a part of it... oh no.....

..... D... Did one of the comments say that it had been years? That they had been waiting for a few years for the sequel?

Does - does that mean something, or is it just a throwaway audience comment? Why years? If Rantaro was in the last one, why would it have been years for this one to happen??? How old is Rantaro? How old is Tsumugi?!?!

FML I had been wondering how ‘Monokuma’ could exist without Junko existing since they’re inextricably linked. FML.

MONOKUMA CAN YOU STOP ROLLING THE CREDITS, THE MUSIC AND THE TITLE CARDS FOR A MINUTE PLEASE I AM BEGGING YOU

Because I don’t enjoy having Saioinji’s terrifying eyes trained on me while she questions my intelligence, so I’ll sum up the next question - what season of this gameshow from hell are we apparently on?

I mean, considering Junko’s title... well...

..... yeah it looks better with a V.

the real answer to why they used V3 even though it’s technically not the correct way to say ‘53′ - it’s the aesthetic.

FFFF

I actually screenshot all the parody!title cards and they’re amazing. I’ll post them just once a bit later when it shows up again because this post is entirely too long, but needless to say, whoever designed them had fun. And the titles of the games, too - Birth of Despair? Dream Danganronpa? Sign me tf up! oh no does this make me part of the problem I’M SORRY SWEETCHEEKS

I can’t believe I was bitching about Junko being the mastermind for the third game when apparently audience members have had to sit through 53 Junkos

You couldn’t have changed it up??? Not even once??? Like, one led by Mukuro as a prologue idea or??? quietly denies the existence of the anime

Oh, speaking of which, I do like the excuse they came up with as to why the drv3 creators didn’t create new characters from the supposed other games why Tsumugi didn’t cosplay anyone outside the first two games - it’s for the class’s benefit, since they only knew those two casts, and y’know. She cares. about shock value

DON’T YOU PASS THE BUCK, GIRL

Ah, so that ‘staff’ you mentioned earlier...

why is this so funny to me

T-Tsumugi, do you have a tumultuous relationship with your managers or something

why are you airing out your dirty laundry on live television

is it all the incest plotlines

I feel like at this point it’s less ‘Tsumugi is trying to rub into the students how completely and absolutely they are boned’ and more ‘okay, it’s time to give a shout-out to everyone who put this production together! Perfect time to slap on that logo, guys!‘

oh my god that was supposed to be a trailer in-meta too alsd;kfj i’m losing it

AND AGAIN, THOSE TITLE CARDS - THEY ARE AMAZING.

SHE IS SHE’S TOTALLY ADVERTISING MID-SHOW

TSUMUGI STOP BEING A CORPORATE SELL-OUT

"NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR YOUR CRAPPY SHOEHORNED ADVERTISING!!!”

oh god oh no

who’s going to tell him -

MONOKUMA DON’T YOU DARE

i’m having an existential crisis alongside sweetcheeks ngl

there are so many layers

....

we need to go deeper

So, just to clarify, there are three layers right now:

There’s us, the players. In a sense, we could be considered ‘equal but different than the tier’, but we do still operate on a plane separate from the metafiction of Tsumugi’s ‘everyone in the world’.

There’s the ‘audience’, the outside world. This is the space that’s been breached at this point. And this... this is the level where the students are from, too - aka the reason I think we and the audience should exist as separate entities.

And there’s the domain of the Killing Game, a space created to play out this story, using real people - a place separated from reality... how? If Tsumugi is talking about a set, it could easily be the real world, which means they’ve been isolated somewhere. At the same time though, when they managed to reach the end of the escape tunnel and saw the outside world, they all started to choke and suffocate. So... could this be VR still? Or no? Can these existences known as Shuichi Saihara, the Ultimate Detective, Maki Harukawa, the Ultimate Assassin, Himiko Yumeno, the Ultimate Robot, K1-b0, the Ultimate Robot, and even Tsumugi Shirogane, the Ultimate Cosplayer, leave this space in any way, shape or form... or not at all? Is them suffocating ^ like that a sign that they literally cannot exist outside of this space?

She is literally throwing the same question back in Shuichi’s face ghdfkgh

NO I’M ON SHUICHI’S SIDE I COULDN’T HELP IT I HAD TO CHOOSE REAL PEOPLE

no!!! no!!!! NO!!!!

no seriously I still chose real people because I am stubborn

sweetcheeks et al. do not deserve any of this

Of course they brought out despair!Mikan for this. Of course.

I have to say, I do like these little character touches - the decisions that have been made as to which ‘cosplay’ says what. I mean, it’s supposed to also act as a way to throw our known and loved favourites in our face too, but having Celes comment on how boring ‘peace’ is? Having Ibuki smashing through the fourth wall to speak directly to the audience, Gundham remarking on their abnormal existence and Leon commenting on how cool the ‘aesthetic’ of the title card is? It’s such a nice touch. also horrifying. butalsonice

Oh we really are addressing the prologue now??? And - I’m assuming Tsumugi is referring to Hajime when she says ‘me’, but is there a chance she isn’t?

Just as I initially suspected, though - they really were normal when they got in. So how did they decide who got what personality/talent, or was that random? I mean, that might be the case - it was potentially hinted by the motive video switch of Chapter 2..

............. Huh.

But..... in what sense? Like the 16 talents were stored in those lights and they were ‘picked up’ by the most suited participant? How could you make sure there were no doubles? Or - and this is possible because of the vague language - did the talents build on what the student knew already? In which case, how would they know what the talents would end up being and plan the labs around them?

No, it would... have to be... the first one. Talents had its own selection in the flashback creating machine, though without verifying what the subcategories are it’s hard to confirm or deny anything... but I also can’t shake what Maki said at the beginning of the game? How it felt like their talents were given at random?

So... so they’re not only back where they started - completely isolated with everyone they’ve ever known and the world they knew completely out of reach (in this sense, dead/not actually existing are functionally the same), but they get a helping of a totally warranted existential crisis on top of that.

And... their bodies are real, so everyone else really is dead. No happy sdr2 ending. Well, unless I mental-gymnastics that to read ‘they have physical bodies to return to, but as manufactured personas it’s pointless.’

Me too, Sweetcheeks.

We can’t go 5 minutes without a WHAM line.

B-But they were kidnapped weren’t they -?!

fujisaki does not deserve this slander

Return of the hat!!!

..... is it bad that I miss his hat. I. I really liked his hat. I know that it was representative of the way he held back and used it to hide himself, but - but I liked his original portrait. And I liked the way it was incorporated into his sprites and all the movements he makes with it and without it, like it‘s a phantom limb. okayI’llstop

Why... are we not getting a name here? Was Shuichi Saihara a made-up name too?

oh -

oh no

D: A... Anything...

H-He’s.... a complete fanboy too.................... holy shit. cute but terrifying he looks like much more of a schoolboy super!fan than real Shuichi

S-So wait, it’s not even autosuggestion then - he asked for it? How - how does this work with the flashback lights? It can be targeted like that??? god I’m going to have so many questions after this is all over

I think this may be the death knell for his psyche oTL I certainly wouldn’t be able to take this if I was in his position.

LOOK I KNOW I GET EXCITED ABOUT CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT TOO

but this is a bit much c-can you please keep that drool in -

asdfkjlsdf w h a t

was

was this omitted or something

I - I swear they were kidnapped they seemed a lot more freaked out?!

Even Rantaro, who seemed to know more than he let on at the time - ?!

I... I think I really need to go back and replay the prologue.

ME NEITHER K1-B0 I FEEL LIKE I’M BEING GASLIT

d-did

did you use it on me too

That... that I can believe. No matter who they were before - if they were consenting or not - it might not even matter, if they can’t return to how they were. In a sense, the Gopher Project story was practically preparing them for it - the idea that everything they knew and loved were gone, and would never come back. Oh... oh that’s bad....

TSUMUGI IS ACTUALLY TERRIFYING

SHUT UP NAEGI

wait why is seeing him say that worse than seeing Junko say her normal despair stuff

it’s the insincerity, probably...

YOU NERFED KAITO?!?!?!

YOU NERFED KAITO!!!!!!!

okay I take back what I said Maki you have my enthusiastic blessing to recklessly murder as necessary

RIP Tsumugi and all of her new depth

“I’m also the one that kept sneaking all of the death flags into his room while you were out training every night!”

Y O O O

YOU NERFED HER CHARACTER TOO?!?!?! YOU GOTTA LET THAT HAPPEN ORGANICALLY!!!

LMAO

Souda will never show this much awareness in his actual every day fictional life and that makes this 100% funnier

Everything has a writing credit.... every single thing? Every bit of development?

Even Kokichi’s coup and Kaito’s cooperation? And Kokichi manipulating Gonta? You just seemed so - so angry about that after the trial. Surely those, if nothing else...

At this point they’re just kicking a sad, beaten-down puppy. What more could you possibly do at this point - ?!

oH GOD I DON’T WANT TO SEE THIS

WHAT THE HELL WHO EVEN SAYS SOMETHING LIKE THAT

nNOOO

NO LET ME REMEMBER HIM THE WAY HE WAS

DON’T YOU CROSS THIS BRIGHT RED LINE SHIROGANE

NO

NO THIS IS ILLEGAL I’M CALLING THE POLICE HE LOOKS ABSOLUTELY MAD -

GHGHGGHGHGHGH

GHGHghghghghhh

ghghgh

sdkflj

n o  o o o oooo o o o o o o o

gggkghk

I-It’s not a lie! Even if it was manufactured, even if it was coded into them - their feelings were real to them! It might be by design, but - oh this sounds so hollow. It’s one thing to talk about ‘fate’ and ‘this was the work of a higher power’, but having it brought down on you in such a trivial way must be absolutely soul-crushing.

this is the saddest iteration of hangover!Shuichi that I have laid my eyes on in the entire game

nihilism.

tbh I never found Izuru that intimidating as a final villain in the last game - but here? Terrifying. Maybe it’s in contrast to Junko here, who has the overbearing destructive personality of a tornado, but the quiet emptiness and lack of a higher purpose, of absolute futility that he stands for here - that scares me a lot.   Maybe it’s just because it seems to bring the concept of DR’s despair to a place that I can personally understand?

I keep saying ‘this is terrifying!’ but I mean, to be fair... it... kind of is. as always, fantastic use of text DRV3!

also can someone please shut up the peanut gallery for five minutes

well damn Monokuma that one felt aimed right at me

It reminds me of what Komaeda would say about his own motivation: it was watching everyone struggle with adversity, or the ‘despair of the killing game’, with the end goal of them ‘reaching hope’ - of seeing them overcome and grow stronger for it, that drove him forward. From the outside that makes sense; seeing other people overcome struggles, even ones so terrible, give us the mental strength to overcome our own problems. But for someone on the inside looking out... how perverse would that feel, to think that your suffering is basically being used as inspiration!p0rn? Knowing that there were voyeurs getting a kick out of your struggle?

What happens to game pieces after the game board is closed and put away?

Do they go into stasis? Do they just... exist, outside of time? Frozen forever, until they’re taken out to be ‘played with’ again; left to rot?

If they ‘win’.... they have no future. There’s nothing for them to move forward to reach. A piece learning that they’re a piece, and knowing their dreams after their trials will always stay just out of reach... how can anyone move foward like that?

“love that reaction” OH SHUT UP LUDENBERGxLUVER37

Fight for yourself! They fought to get you this far - Kaito and Kokichi died to give you this chance, even if they are a ‘lie”!

But Shuichi has never been able to fight for himself, only for the others...

Tsumugi, after spending the last hour verbally beating them down and shredding his and everyone’s sense of self to shreds: wow lol what a weakling

Everything is terrible and yet her saying this still got a laugh out of me, damn it.

S-SHUICHI? SHUICHI?

I-IS HE EMOTIONALLY SHUTTING DOWN -

OH GOD

HIS

H-HIS POV - IS GONE -

And nothing but despair left...

Did - did we just lose Shuichi...?

SWEETCHEEKS!!! SWEETCHEEKS, NO!!!

SWEETCHEEKS I’M SO SORRY!!!!

[cakesandfail]

Ok so THREE ships for the shipping post, pick and chose @ your discretion on grounds of this is a bit extra. •Vimes/Vetinari/Sybil •Moist von Lipwig/Adora Bell Dearheart •William/Otto/Sacharissa

buckle up friendo if we’re gonna be Extra then I’m answering every goddamn question, obviously some of these are 21st century Earth things so... just pretend they all live in London instead of Ankh-Morpork for those, I guess

here we fucking go

1. Vimes/Vetinari/Sybil

who hogs the duvet Sam does. Dude is a big fan of pillows, I can’t imagine he’d be any different re: duvetswho texts/rings to check how their day is going Sybil. Sam is v bad at technology and Havelock just sends memes while watching committees happenwho’s the most creative when it comes to gifts Havelock, if by ‘creative’ you mean ‘devious and prone to trolling’who gets up first in the morning Havelock, though let’s be honest, none of them has anything remotely approaching a normal sleep patternwho suggests new things in bed this is definitely Sybil and there’s nothing that will ever convince me otherwisewho cries at movies S A Mwho gives unprompted massages that is an extremely bad idea when two out of three people in the relationship are (justifiably) paranoidwho fusses over the other when they’re sick Sam is the absolute worst for this, as we all found out in Feet of Claywho gets jealous easiest Sam. His self-esteem is terrible and he can hardly believe that one smart, cute, fancy rich person would want him, let alone two. Things can be dificult. He does his best.who has the most embarrassing taste in music I mean I’m pretty sure Havelock wins this one by reading sheet music, the weirdowho collects something unusual ...how unusual are farty dragons? (it’s Sybil regardless, even if the dragons aren’t unusual for Ankh-Morpork she does also have a house full of random tat)who takes the longest to get ready if they’re going out it’s Sybil because she’s got Undergarments(tm) and makeup and a wig to sort out, but if it’s a normal day it’s Havelock because let’s be honest, anyone with a beard like that is definitely a little bit vain and fussy about itwho is the most tidy and organised Mr shiny-circular-saw-brain himself, Havelock Vetinariwho gets most excited about the holidays 100% Sybil (and Sam a bit too, secretly, now he’s in a position to enjoy them)who is the big spoon/little spoon Sam is always the littlest spoon and he loves itwho gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports lmaoooo this is Havelock for sure, he’s clearly one of those people who won’t do anything in public unless he knows he won’t fuck it upwho starts the most arguments this is Sam’s favourite hobbywho suggests that they buy a pet Sybil and Havelock just kind of acquire them tbh, and Sam gave up doing anything about it years agowhat couple traditions they have 25th May is special- it’s Young Sam’s birthday and of course the anniversary of the revolution, so Uncle Havelock comes round for tea and then goes to Small Gods with old Sam, and then stays the night, conveniently disappearing early enough in the morning that nobody else knows he was therewhat tv shows they watch together listen. listen. if they were in modern London they’d be watching the Supervet and getting emotional about it. fite me. also Sybil and Havelock watch nerdy gameshows like Only Connect and University Challenge, but Sam is not here for that at allwhat other couple they hang out with bold of you to assume any of these nerds have any other friendshow they spend time together as a couple does almost getting murdered count because that does happen a lot. Otherwise: naps at bizarre times of the day, fighting over the newspaper, carriage journeys home from parties where they bitch about everyone they hate (ie everyone else who was there)who made the first move Sybil, for every single context where making the first move was necessarywho brings flowers home Havelock does because he’s a ‘show affection through gifts’ sort of person and also a huge nerd who probably knows all about floriographywho is the best cook fucking nobody lol they’re all useless

2. Moist/Adora

who hogs the duvet Adora. And there’s nothing Moist can do about it.who texts/rings to check how their day is going Moist, because he’s a nice cheerful sort of boy (and also likes to be annoying)who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts ...probably Moist? He’s pretty imaginative, I think- that’s not to say that Adora wouldn’t find him good gifts, but his would be more ‘out there’ without being wrongwho gets up first in the morning Adora, unless she’s on nights or Moist has been summoned by his surrogate dad Vetinariwho suggests new things in bed hahahaha ADORAwho cries at movies both of them. Adora will never admit this to anybody.who gives unprompted massages Moist, but only once they’ve been married long enough that he knows when he definitely won’t get stomped onwho fusses over the other when they’re sick I honestly think they’re both the kind of people who are like ‘get the fuck away from me’ when they’re ill so probably nobodywho gets jealous easiest Adora. She’s not worried about Moist, but he’s a very charming dude and other people need to Watch It.who has the most embarrassing taste in music Moist is a big Spandau Ballet fan and you know itwho collects something unusual look, Moist doesn’t actively collect weird shit, weird shit just happens to come into his possessionwho takes the longest to get ready Moist. Just fucking look at him. He wears a gold suit.who is the most tidy and organised Adora, but this does not extend to her private space at all, and their bedroom is a disaster areawho gets most excited about the holidays M o i s twho is the big spoon/little spoon I... think it’s probably Moist. Yeah. Moist.who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports Adora is the kind of person who’d even try to fight Vetinari if she had to, so.who starts the most arguments see above lmaowho suggests that they buy a pet Moist does, because for all that he complained, he got quite attached to Mr Fusspotwhat couple traditions they have uhhhhh idk if it’s a tradition so much as a regular date night but they definitely go dancing together when they have timewhat tv shows they watch together they hate-watch The Apprentice, and Undercover Boss, and Dragons Den- basically anything where they can judge other people’s ability to run a businesswhat other couple they hang out with work people, mostly. Sometimes they have to socialise with Sam and Sybil, which is a bit unfortunate for Moist and Sam, but Adora and Sybil find their respective idiots very cute when they’re all cross so it tends to work out okayhow they spend time together as a couple the aforementioned hate-watching marathons and dancing. I think they’re probably one of the few canon couples that actually has date nights.who made the first move Moist. It’s canon. He’s a dipshit, but it did sort of work.who brings flowers home Moist does, because he thinks it’s a good idea to do it regularly so Adora won’t assume he’s fucked up every timewho is the best cook Moist- he once spent three months as a cook in a pub while laying low after a scam. It’s not amazing gourmet food, but it’s alright.

3. William/Otto/Sacharissa

who hogs the duvet Sacharissa, because she’s the smallest and the first to get coldwho texts/rings to check how their day is going All of them- they’re journalists, they’re always in contact all the time. In a Roundworld AU they’d have a whatsapp groupwho’s the most creative when it comes to gifts Williamwho gets up first in the morning I think this probably depends on what they’re doing, but it’s definitely not Otto hahawho suggests new things in bed Otto isn’t necessarily going to suggest them outright, but he’s definitely dropped hints about things he used to get up to back in the daywho cries at movies William. He thinks the others don’t know. They do.who gives unprompted massages I’m not sure? This seems like a William thing but he’s also extremely awkward. I think it would be him once they were established as a trio.who fusses over the other when they’re sick Otto- he worries about the other two because they’re mortal and because he’s just generally an anxious kind of dudewho gets jealous easiest William. He’s a bit insecure about his place in the world and, well, Sacharissa is so pretty and Otto is a vampire which makes him automatically 500% sexier to everyone everywhere, clearly anyone hanging around them wants to take his place. (Spoiler: they don’t.)who has the most embarrassing taste in music Sacharissa strikes me as a big 90s pop fan idekwho collects something unusual Otto is definitely a nerd about old cameras/iconographswho takes the longest to get ready I think possibly Sacharissa just because girl clothes take longer- otherwise I don’t think there’s much in it. They’re all pretty sensible people.who is the most tidy and organised William has a stick up his butt about everything ever, so definitely himwho gets most excited about the holidays Otto does, because he finally has someone to celebrate with who isn’t going to get eaten (behave.)who is the big spoon/little spoon this varies a lot, I think? I just kind of assumed they usually end up in a big old cuddlepilewho gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports William. He went to boarding school and even though he hated it, it’s bound to have had some effect on himwho starts the most arguments ...also William lmaowho suggests that they buy a pet Sacharissa. She thinks both Wuffles and Mr Fusspot are very cute.what couple traditions they have They get a takeaway whenever they’ve stayed late at work together to finish a big story. Otto can’t eat it, obviously, but he likes to just sit with the others and hang out. It’s nice.what tv shows they watch together absolutely no news programmes at all, ever. Lots of low-energy stuff like How It’s Made so they don’t have to use any brainpower.what other couple they hang out with sometimes Gunilla and Boddony join in with the takeaway nightshow they spend time together as a couple running about like loons after the next story, mostlywho made the first move William with Sacharissa, Sacharissa with Ottowho brings flowers home Sacharissa does- mostly just because she likes having them aroundwho is the best cook Otto made a point of learning to cook so he could do something nice for his favourite people. He had lessons and everything. He has to wear gloves to handle the garlic, but it’s worth it.

[gammija]

The Hollow review/summary/rant/explanation of why i hate the ending I wasn’t sure whether I should post this, but I did enjoy reading others experiences watching this show, so here’s mine under the cut. Edited from a convo with a friend.

(Obviously, spoilers!)

Me: Okay so to properly express my disappointment i gotta take you through the major beats

The show starts with three teens waking up in an almost empty room, finding out they all have amnesia. They quickly solve a puzzle to escape the room, and just as quickly Adam and Mira realize they have superpowers (superstrength/agility and some weird 'speak to animals/know all languages' hybrid, respectively. also she can breathe underwater and swim really fast. its kind of vague)

Kai is already clearly a comic relief, discount Ron (from HP, the movies, no idea about the books) so me and sister correctly predict he'll get jealous of adam and miras relationship (even if there is none), gets pissy and jealous that he has no powers, but then finds out he has powers anyway he does, hes a fire bender. cant say im not bitter about that cause id put my money on invulnerability but eh its alright he has red hair after all hes still fun

Friend: Of course he is

I just feel bad is all aldjs

Me: adam gets a throwaway line of 'maybe were dead' and kai never lets it go

this food might be poisoned but im starving and hey were dead anyway! right, adam

Friend: I love him??

Me: i loved him as soon as he spoke his first dumb words also he puns but basically hes the only interesting char; adam and mira are just cookie cutter 'male lead 1' and 'female lead 1' i mean, he’s cookie cutter ‘jealous 3rd wheel’ but that has more going on than the first two still servicable though

anyway so the jokes are sometimes fun, and superpowers are always my jam. but the REAL reason to keep watching is just, whats going on? ARE they dead? or in some kind of weird gvnmt experiment? some weird magical vampire guide (dont ask) hints they wanted this themselves ooh, intrigue. and the world is very very quirky they start in a gravity falls-y woods and then get teleported to a desert with minotaurs and witches, then get invited for tea by the Grim Reaper and the rest of the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse

tbh Grim is the best part of the show but thats neither here nor there

anyway they have a magic map that updates once theyve been somewhere, and it shows them that the hot dry desert and the swampy wood bunker are like right next to each other

so you start thinking, how are they gonna explain that? this is too weird to be handwaved away. theyve gotta be going somewhere

they visit some other exotic locals, like what appears to be the set of Alien (complete with alien) and an abandoned old fair and a floating island with japanese inspired evildoers on it

the weird magic guide keeps showing up and being vague, dropping hints that there are other kids there etc

at some point Mira says "This is no time for games!" Weirdy: "Thats where youd be wrong~" me and sister: Aha! videogame! that connects all the dots, and also makes the tropes clear: small world with all kinds of different areas, quests, fights, superpowers, an updating map, fast travel Adam, a few eps later: guis i think we might be in a videogame me and sister: [high five]

Anyway in the meantime also the second predictable Kai (discount Ron) plot happens: they meet three other kids (boy boy girl) and they act shady but the girl takes an immediate and obvious interest in Kai so obviously theyre gonna manipulate him and have him betray his friends but in the end he'll see through their facade and kick their ass that more or less happens. The other teens also confirm that this is a game, and theyre trying to win. winning is done by bringing the MacGuffin to a tree fights over macguffin ensue situations are dire but our characters persevere

(also Mira kisses Adam and he acts very weird about it, almost as if hes gay and the only reason they didnt make it canon is censors) (no lingering gaze, just him going 'hehe yeah no thanks, its not you, its me', but in a very... he doesnt seem to be saying it with shall we say burning desire in his soul. hes literally just like 'eh youre a good friend.' Cool move, cartoon that made the two main boys have arguments over nothing cause of course the two main guys have constant dick measuring matches)

this all is not the offensive part btw it was all fun and games, its just a flash cartoon i wasnt expecting Shakespeare

anyway so theyre in a videogame, and apparently thats the answer to all the weirdness. A bit of a cop-out, cause thats a very easy answer, but eh, it works. it wasnt immediately obvious.

also something i hadnt mentioned yet: thisd be ideal for making (self-insert) OCs. Unique powers for each person, there are clearly more characters than shown, the world is your playground

and maybe the video game thing could be interesting on its own in the last few eps the game seems to be glitching out a lot they say its breaking apart so they really gotta hurry now maybe they were beta testers for a vr game gone wrong maybe this is part of it but its like a huge experience that you tell all your friends about anyway there are ways it could be cool, could be expanded to a season 2 despite having solved the mystery

but. last episode. our heroes get the MacGuffin, go to a final stage, and fight the Boss Battle (its a dragon). they enter the Castle....

...and the screen zooms out, into a sudden live action stage, where we see the cartoon (literally what you were just watching) on screen. there are 6 chairs, 3 with our heroes, 3 with the other teens, presumably. theres a host and hes dressed exactly like the weird guy (and that was already kind of a clashy outfit in the cartoon). it was all just a game show. but. the worst part is the live action

you. dont. go. from. animated. to. live. action.

other way around? fine, can work. But now? WHY itd still be dumb and dissapointing but if itd been animated too itd at least have been.... nice to look at but the acting.. oh god they didnt even say anything and it was all wrong clearly theyd just picked the first random teens that vaguely looked like the chars and put them in there cause they had no lines so who needs acting?!

the enemy teams girl had, in the cartoon, pink hair. Purple with pink highlights instead of stylizing that into something more realistic or painting the actual hair, they gave some 30-year old woman a wig and called it a day

keep in mind i binged this show in one go

purposely stayed up late to watch the last ep with my sis even tho we shouldve gone to bed and were disobeying our dad cause we Had to Know

and theres more i said they had no lines but i was lying. Kai did have a line. well, his voice actor did they dubbed him also the line was about him having to pee which is already not the most hilarious in animated version but a live action kid whose supposed to be this character you spent 3 hours with but looks nothing like him saying that in a voice that doesnt belong to his throat, as he stands bashfully in front of a live audience, the only words spoken by your main characters in the last moments...

*its actual hell*

oh oh one more thing at the end the six kids stand in a line and kai is next to other girl they glance at each other and as the eyes of this teen and 30 year old in wig cross, her eye glitches for a moment

dun dun duuun

bUT i dont care anymore, The Hollow. You overestimated your own premise. this wont be forgiven. your most interesting part was the mystery, and the answer  to that was "just a normal game show" (which also doesnt make sense on another level smh) soo if you think that im interested in what these two-dimensional (ha) characters will do now about the glitch in the eye of a bitch then i have news for u

i dont

...if they get a second season ill probably check it out though as long as its animated

Friend: Gammi I'm getting the real sinking suspicious feeling that what you saw isn't the real end but bad on purpose because there's more to it

Me: the show didnt seem good enough to be bad on purpose

and yet im still not done, if youll still hear me out

i mean, im an animation fan so ill still watch but if theyd wanted to be bad on purpose they really shouldve done a better job fleshing out the characters thats what people come back for that was a bit of a sidetrack BUT so i said why the live action itself was just terrible in overal quality

but the resolution that 'oh it was all in a game show' doesnt work on multiple levels

first of all, they show a short flashback of "About 5 hours earlier". The kids stand on the stage and are instructed to take their seats in the vr-chairs, and pick their superpower

2 things i dislike about that

1) there goes all the self-insert/oc potential. they werent teens in over their heads, they werent gvnmt experiments, or just some kids who wanted to play a game -they were in it to win it, from the start. thats very specific and not the most appealing to all kinds of characters (goodbye, all the 'im just an average girl whod never step into the spotlight like that' characters).

Also, all the expansion on lore is gone. maybe there were other games simultaneously? eh, maybe, but theyd be all gameshows. Maybe someone ended uo trapped there for way longer? nah its just a gameshow theyre not gonna let anything actually bad happen. Maybe there are other worlds, other areas, other weird creatures? unlikely, they finished the map and familiarity seemed to be a thing for the audience. Now every new idea has to be put not through a 'whats interesting for a player' but a 'whats interesting for a viewer' lens, and whats a selfinsert if not a player in another universe

2) HOW IS THIS A SUCCESSFUL GAME SHOW

who the hell watches a game show for 5 consecutive hours, some of which mustve been just them walking. also, we zoom out of the screen were watching, so implication is that everything up until then has been what the audience has seen. but... we only followed the one team. there were two? why didnt the audience want to see what they were up to? ~reality tv usually thrives on showinf the worst assholes so realistically they wouldve been the focus~

There are also way too many times *both* teams couldve failed, from early on till late in the game. Not a single game i can think of thats played for an audience is set up like that, and especially not a televised one (okay tbf idk if this was televised, i dont remember if i saw cameras, but. it mustve. monetary reasons.)

What r u gonna do if they all 'died' from the monsters in the first ep? Call it a day? boring for the audience. let them restart from scratch? boring for the audience. the existence of an audience messes with everything

AND THEN ANOTHER THING what do you mean, "5 hours ago?" you never get a time stamp to show how long theyve been in there but there are some cuts, when they travel and such. The actual show is a lil over 3 hours runtime. You mean to tell me you sat through 2 hours of the characters just walking?

okay last thing. so. they were clearly second season teasing with the glitching eye thing. i already said this but. theres nowhere to go from here that isnt worse that the first season. your mystery is dead. you clearly know your live action teens cant act so youd have to go back into the game - but why would they do that? how would that be in any way interesting? you explored all there was to explore.

The other, more out there option, is that as you said the 'real world' was a fake-out and theyre still in a game. but. how would- how would you even make that remotely convincing? if youd just left the 'real world' gameshow as animated too this wouldnt have been a problem. but there is absolutely no conceivable reason to justify, in universe, why another meta-level up is 2D animation again unless they were in a game, in a game, in a game. and thats just dumb. yall aint inception

Friend: HONESTLY if they just kept the whole deal animated it'd probably be okay. Not good, but better,

Me: ye me and my sister came to the same conclusion

i couldve lived with that. at least, i couldve just acknowledged the finales existence but chose to ignore it. now however im full phantom planet levels of denial. in fact i dont even know how the show ended anymore, suddenly

Friend: what finale? what show?

Me: also at least now we know why its called The Hollow

it leaves you feeling empty inside

[aion-rsa]

Taskmaster: the Cult British Comedy Show Coming to Save America

https://ift.tt/33bdDVi

Gloom has several remedies. Jogging, alcohol and the excessive consumption of Kit-Kats each have their merits. There’s a fast-acting fix though that, unlike the other three, is highly unlikely to end in vomiting. Its name is Taskmaster and it is the UK’s happy place. 

Since 2015, Taskmaster has aired nine series and one special in the UK, growing from a cult delight on digital channel Dave to a Bafta-nominated, millions-attracting hit about to make its debut this autumn on major broadcaster Channel 4. 

But all that’s just numbers. In real life, Taskmaster has done much, much more. Ask anyone who loves it and they’ll tell you. This unimprovably silly show in which comedians complete a series of absurd tasks, and then get together to watch the results, be judged, and laugh at themselves, is a holiday from strife. It’s an open window on a suffocating day, and a blessed reminder that whatever else may be going on in the world, people are funny and inventive and magnificently willing to do stupid things to make each other laugh. As the Cheers theme song says, sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name. Sometimes though, you want to go where Bob Mortimer is demonstrating his patented sausage and pork pie presentation unit and a woman from Bridget Jones’ Diary is inserting slices of cake into a scared man’s armpit. 

When a Taskmaster line-up is announced (there are five new comedians each series, giving the show a 50-strong back catalogue of established and rising names in UK comedy), the response isn’t just positive, it’s thank-God-can-we-have-it-now-please grateful. That’s because fans know a new series means a precious 10 hours off. Off work and off worry and off having to think about anything other than whether a man is going to successfully hit a Babybel across a football field with a snooker cue. (He isn’t.) A new series of Taskmaster is respite. It means being among friends and being kept company by inane joy. Great if you’re bored, a lifeline if you’re grieving, struggling to find common ground with your kids, or just struggling full stop.

Comedian and writer Greg Davies plays the titular Taskmaster, a sort of fee-fi-fo-fum giant whose relentless demands for contestants to fill an egg-cup with tears or paint a picture of a horse while riding a horse give the show its premise. Davies judges the comedians’ performances, awarding points that go into a league table and determine the overall winner. His sidekick is series creator Alex Horne, the task umpire who accompanies contestants through their wildly inventive/pitiful endeavours. 

In the US, The CW is starting with series eight and nine, on the understanding that if the American viewing public take to the show, they’ll also buy in the previous series. ‘If they do air the rest,’ Greg Davies tells Den of Geek, ‘Alex and I will be getting younger as it progresses, giving it a sort of Benjamin Button-type twist.’ 

‘The props will be getting cheaper and the Taskmaster house will get stripped down,’ says Horne. The house is the backdrop to most of the tasks and the site of the famous-among-fans shed and caravan. ‘Guess how much the caravan cost,’ Horne challenges Den of Geek. £500? ‘£200. It’s fully plumbed.’

Read more

TV

New Taskmaster Now Filming: How Covid-19 Will Change Series 10

By Louisa Mellor

TV

Taskmaster: the top 11 tasks so far

By Louisa Mellor

There was, briefly, a 2017 American remake on Comedy Central but it failed in one key area: time. Cut in half to just 30 minutes an episode, there were fewer tasks and crucially, much less space given to the comedians reacting to their own and others’ performances. A major joy of Taskmaster is the interaction between the five contestants. The comedians are asked not to discuss the tasks – most of which they complete solo – until the studio record, making it the first time they find out how well (or otherwise) they’ve done. The laughs almost all come from the clash between expectation and reality, from the camaraderie and competitive rivalry. 

‘Something that I think American viewers should know is how much people want to win the show,’ says Davies. One early task was to buy the Taskmaster a gift for £20. ‘I had some great things bought for me. Someone bought me a title, so I’m a lord now, and someone genuinely had their foot tattooed with my name. That people would actually have their body tattooed for life in order to get points on this show… It seems on the surface to be a frivolous gameshow but it’s life and death for these people.’ 

The series eight contestants US viewers are going to meet first up are a strong mix of personalities. There’s actor-writer Joe Thomas, a former co-star of Davies in British comedy series The Inbetweeners. ‘He’s quite well-known because The Inbetweeners was an enormous hit in this country,’ says Greg. There’s Paul Sinha from UK gameshow The Chase,‘a former GP, a gay, Asian quiz champion who we’ve since discovered has got Parkinson’s Disease, so he’s got a lot going on,’ says Horne when asked to describe the line-up. ‘He’s very nice and funny,’ says Davies. ‘But very bad at the tasks,’ adds Horne, ‘possibly our worst contestant.’ There’s Car Share’s Sian Gibson, ‘a very good actress and writer and nice person from Wales,’ says Horne. There’s comedian Iain Stirling, the voice of huge UK reality show Love Island, described by Davies and Horne as ‘Scottish, nice, funny and like a puppy.’ Finally there’s stand-up Lou Sanders, ‘a scatty British comedian on the rise,’ says Horne. ‘She’s quite a unique voice,’ adds Davies. ‘She believes in angels.’ 

Davies calls Taskmaster a joy to be part of and hopes it’s also joyful to watch. ‘Even though I’m horrible to a lot of people on the face of things, it’s meant to be an inclusive show where people can forget about the more troubling things and just be silly with us for a while. I hope that some of that joy makes it over the pond.’

Some of that joy made the journey earlier this year. During UK lockdown, the Taskmaster team introduced Hometasking, which expanded the task-setting premise to the general public. For weeks while UK schools were closed and businesses had put their staff on furlough, the team set tasks online, giving people fun activities to occupy them in a a worrying time. They received record entries from around the world – over a third from North America. If you had 17 minutes downtime, you could do worse than watch this final results video to see just what it meant to those who took part. 

The effort devoted to tomfoolery is perhaps what’s most cheering about Taskmaster. Over its many series, teams of people have devised literally hundreds of challenges the sole goal of which is silliness. They’ve debated the comedic merits of throwing a potato into a golf hole and making a Swedish person blush. They’ve considered the practical implications of one comedian wheeling another around inside a bin or driving a golf buggy blindfolded. The risk assessments must be as thick as telephone directories. And they’ve gone to these lengths purely in the interest of good cheer. 

Horne hopes that Taskmaster will be embraced in America the way it has been in the UK. ‘It’s a cult-y show here, but a family cult-y show. It’s not too niche, but the people who like it really like it. If that could happen in America, people to really get into it when they discover it, rather than it being a mild curiosity, that’s what I’d love.’

Is Horne worried that the peculiarly British quirks of some tasks might not translate to the US? ‘I’m starting to,’ he tells Den of Geek. Will Americans embrace, or be confounded by, Taskmaster’s distinctive Britishisms? Surely the former, but just in case, here’s a bit of context for our American friends on a few UK-specific task items.

Greg and Alex, over to you.

Taskmaster explains: Marmite

Series 5, Episode 4 Task: Make the best Marmite

Greg Davies: Marmite is a yeast-based spread that you might put on toast. It’s been around since the 1940s, certainly since the war, maybe even before. And for many decades, Marmite has prided itself on its advertising campaign which consistently has been ‘Marmite: You’ll either love it or hate it’ but it’s not true. It’s a lie, at least a 45-year-old lie, because I for one am indifferent to Marmite. I certainly don’t mind it being put on my toast but I wouldn’t ever ask for it. So, the truth of the advertising campaign should be ‘Marmite: You’ll love it or you’ll hate it, and some of you will be absolutely ambivalent to it.’

Taskmaster explains: Christmas Crackers

Series 7, Episode 7: Make the best Christmas cracker

Greg Davies: I can honestly say in all my years on this planet, I have not once enjoyed pulling a Christmas cracker. I think America is leading the way and it’s something we should get rid of. Pulling an explosive tube of cardboard to reveal an awful gift is something this country can do without.

Alex Horne: They are a poor tradition. I have never enjoyed a Christmas cracker. As a dad, we’re just giving children choking hazards at Christmas. They get so excited about the thought of pulling them and then it always ruins the day.

Greg Davies: My mum was a skinflint at Christmas so a typical cracker gift would be a small tape measure.

Alex Horne: A little pack of cards was always a highlight.

Greg Davies: That’s high-end. 

Taskmaster explains: Egg Cups

Series 1, Episode 4: Fill an egg cup with tears

Alex Horne: Really? Americans don’t use egg cups? How do they keep their eggs upright? You’d have to chase it around the plate.

Greg Davies: But that means they can’t have soft-boiled eggs? What do they do, hold it in their hands? What do they hold an egg in?! That makes no sense at all. It’s a staple of British crockery!

Alex Horne: An egg cup must be a really peculiarly British thing. We use it as a measuring device because it’s a satisfying item. It’s probably 20 ml or fluid ounces. There must be something they use. It’s probably a shot glass isn’t it? That’s an equivalent.

Greg Davies: A shot glass! Which I do use as an egg cup actually.

Alex Horne: I go the other way around. 

Taskmaster explains: Traffic wardens

Series 7, Episode 5: Cheer up this former traffic warden

Alex Horne: They enforce parking restrictions and I guess they’re a sort of jobsworth position, someone who thinks they’ve got a lot of power but doesn’t, and is a constant irritant to the motorist.

Greg Davies: But a saviour for the children.

Alex Horne: Do you mean lollipop ladies?

Greg Davies: I do mean lollipop ladies. I try to be kind to traffic wardens even when I’ve been ticketed because I just think it must be an awful job having that many confrontations a day so I try not to get cross.

Alex Horne: And lollipop ladies?

Greg Davies: I’m furious with them.

Alex Horne: You’d be a lovely lollipop lady, Greg.

Greg Davies: Well I’m sure that’s where I’m headed.

Taskmaster explains: Squirty Cream

Series 6, Episode 4: Make the best art using the entire contents of this can of squirty cream

Alex Horne: Squirty cream is a staple of every British fridge. You spray it straight into your mouth. It’s made of, I think, plastic and no dairy products, and we’re not allowed to show people spraying it directly into their mouth on British TV anymore because of health and safety.

Greg Davies: I’ve got three tins of it in my fridge and every day over lockdown I treated myself to a squirt. Whenever I needed a lift.

Taskmaster explains: aubergines

Series 9, Episode 1: Hide three aubergines from Alex in this room

Greg Davies: There’s a name for it over there. It’s a purple vegetable and I for one would move for us to just get rid of those off the face of the earth. What do they call it over there?

Alex Horne: I’m enjoying this, seeing him scrabble around.

Greg Davies: What does it begin with, the American one?

Alex Horne: It rhymes with your name.

Greg Davies: Greg?

Alex Horne: Yeah. Well, not the whole thing. If your name was Greg Slant, it would rhyme with that.

Greg Davies: My name isn’t Greg Slant though.

There you go, America, hopefully that should now all be crystal clear. Tune in to Taskmaster series 8 in the US at 8pm ET/PT on The CW from Sunday the 2nd of August. Seriously, do, it’s good for what ails you.

The post Taskmaster: the Cult British Comedy Show Coming to Save America appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[angelholme]

May, Myself and I - Year 2(020)

Day 14 - Pranks

I didn’t think I would get to use this quote twice but turns out I am about as good a predicting the future as I am at talking in front of strangers. 

But when I was a child I spoke as a child, thought as a child and understood as a child, but when I grew up....... I am still - for the most part - an overgrown child, but in a few areas I put away childish things. 

Not a lot - as I said I am still, for the most part, an overgrown child - but one or two.

I think one of the biggest changes was that I grew out of practical jokes, pranks and so on.

Back when I was a kid, they were quite a big thing. You might have heard of a show called “Game For A Laugh” - a show which even now seems slightly unbelievable.

It was a game show where four people - Matthew Kelly, Sarah Kennedy, Henry Kelly and Jeremy Beadle - played practical jokes on people. And that was it. That was the entire premise of the show. 

An hour on prime time TV on a Saturday night being dedicated to four famous, and relatively rich people, humiliating and embarrassing people who weren’t. 

You have to wonder what we were doing in the eighties that made people think this was a good idea? 

But - questions about the past and our questionable taste in TV as a nation aside - you get to a certain age and realise that deliberately going out of your way to humiliate and embarrass people is kind of a crappy thing to do. 

And to do it on live TV (or even pre-recorded TV) is even worse.

Happily, as all “good” things go, Game For A Laugh came to an end, but we were subjected to a few years of Beadle’s About (essentially the same thing just with Beadle on his own).  But apparently he must have seen the writing on the wall, because that came to an end as well, and he moved into other areas of the entertainment industry. 

Or it might have been that someone else wrote on the wall for him - Spitting Image recorded a song called “We All Hate Jeremy Beadle” (which was about world unity and peace between all nations in the face of “Beadle’s About”) and a truly outstanding show called “Drop The Dead Donkey” had a bit of a skit about Thames Television’s franchise being picked up, meaning that “Beadle’s About” would be picked up, and so there’d be more chance that one of his “guests” would snap and whack him over the head with a metal pipe - “watch out, Beadle’s a stiff”. 

(There was also a limerick about the show in America, but I will leave that to your imagination). 

Now I realise I am going on about this more than is probably wise, especially since the show has been off the air for a a fair while, and the man in question passed away more than a decade ago, but quite honestly, the entire “public humiliation” phase was something the country could have done without.

It’s lead to a whole bunch of shows we could do without - Jackass and the like, some of the most idiotic reality TV shows (the later incarnations of Big Brother) and a few others.

Playing a practical joke on someone in private is one thing. I can see how that could be funny. And if it is mildly humorous? Fine.

But humiliating someone? In public? On the web or on TV? Why is that funny?

I’ve never really understood that.

Last year I wrote about why I thought The Weasley Twins were some of the worst characters in the Harry Potter canon, and why they really were the bad guys in Gryffindor. 

They are essentially The Jeremy Beadle of The Wizarding World. 

They’d make perfect Gameshow Hosts, and I am pretty sure they’d enjoy doing it.

But trust me - it isn’t a compliment.